#literally the only cure is his hugs but i can have none--not even as a little treat--so here i am deteriorating

[nedtylue]

Haha what totally not projecting here anyway

MC With Anxiety

Imagine an mc who has anxiety, and the best cure they have is to hug/latch onto one of their loved one's arm

Obviously, new exchange student mc who's suddenly rooming with total strangers don't have any loved ones down there yet, someone that they're comfortable with, someone that they love, and someone they trust will tell them if they're ever a burden to them

Now don't get me wrong, mc has other ways to deal with anxiety. They have their breathing exercises they found online, they can subtly fidget with something in their hand, they can subtly hug themselves, and if they start feeling too much they can go to the bathroom and take five or ten, fifteen minutes to calm down

But none of them are as effective as latching onto someone's arm. And, sure, they start making pacts with the brothers pretty early into their stay in the Devildom, but

Mammon~ (yes I know Mammon's yellow but there's no yellow here)

While he's Mc first and he's proud of it, and he so obviously cares about Mc from the first day, the literal definition of ride or die, he's also a tsundere

Which means mc has heard him make fun of them multiple times, talking about them like they're beneath him, and denying that he likes Mc in any way, shape or form the second anyone tries teasing him

Mc can see that he cares, but they also see that he has a reputation that he's trying to uphold, and they don't want to ruin that, so they don't go to him. Until he goes to them and offers his arm to them (either to show everyone who Mc belongs to or to make sure Mc doesn't get lost in a crowd)

It'll take mc time, never asking unless it's offered, and they'll be too nervous to ask for his arm until he stops talking about mc like they're beneath him, and until he stops being shy and starts showing that he loves and cares about mc even in public. Only then will mc start seeking him out

Leviathan~

Mc's reaction to Levi is the complete opposite of their reaction to Mammon, cause while they didn't seek Mammon out out of respect, they at first didn't seek Levi out of fear

At first Levi hated Mc's gut. It wasn’t all theatrical like Mammon's reaction to Mc, nope, it was hate. And how could Mc seek comfort from someone who hates them?

Then the pact thing happened, and it takes Mc a lot longer than necessary to stop with the whole he secretly hates me for spoiling to him and forcing a pact onto him and *fuck* I couldn't return his record to him there's no way he's cool with me at all

Like, an embarrassingly long time to finally realise that Levi actually loves and cares about them. They've already made pacts with Beel and Asmo by the time they realised oh. He cares

But they see how shy and nervous Levi is when it comes to them, so they never really initiate any kind of physical contact in public, and Levi, the anxious mess that he is, also doesn't

Mc only ever seeks out Levi's comfort when he's in his room. If they feel overwhelmed and feel like Levi's the best one to comfort them at the moment, they'll go to Levi and either watch him play in silence while trying to be comforted with his mere presence, or they'll so very shyly ask for a hug if it's getting really bad

Beelzebub~

Beel was the first demon Mc was comfortable with enough to latch onto his arm whenever nervous. Mammon saw that and got jealous, thus becoming the second demon

His quiet, blunt nature just put Mc to rest. What he didn't say was clearly shown on his face, and it only took Mc a few days of interacting with Beel before they timidly asked to hold his arm when the crowd made them feel nervous

Beel didn't show any negative emotions at that time. Or anytime after. Actually after a while he started just randomly offering his arm to Mc whenever, and who was Mc to say no to free comfort?

Also his hugs are heavenly. 10/10 puts Mc at ease immediately

Asmodeus~

Mc's problem with Asmo wasn't asking him for his arm or a hug, no. The problem was that they weren't comfortable yet to hug him and link arms with him

The transition here went from I don't like this but too afraid to cause a scene to this is nice actually. He’s also one of the few that Mc doesn't ask for permission when they want a hug or to latch onto his arm, nope! They just go for it!

Asmo seems like he likes it, asking him will draw attention to Mc and embarrass them, so whenever they feel overwhelmed they just go and latch onto his arms. Asmo, would pause whatever he's doing, smile at Mc like they're the most adorable creature in the whole world, then continue as if nothing happened

Satan~

Another one Mc got comfortable with fairly quickly. Why? The vibes~ He has loner vibes, he doesn't look like he'll talk shit about Mc behind there back, he's somewhat blunt with how he feels, and he's quiet. In Mc's eyes, he, along with Beel, are safe

So Mc gets comfortable with him quickly, and they ask for his arm to hug/latch on in stressful situations, and soon Mc starts taking note of when Satan is feeling stressed, and they so timidly go beside and so tenderly hug his arm, unsure of whether he'll want this or lash out at them

This isn’t like the first two or three times no this is everytime they try to stop Satan from losing his cool

And Satan freezes, noticing just how close Mc is, and he either calms down from Mc's presence or forcibly calms himself down because no way in hell is he going to hurt Mc and he will not forgive himself if he accidentally hurt them because he lost himself to his wrath

Mc doesn't hug his arm everytime he loses his cool tho, they only do it when they think that nope, that's not a place Satan will want to rampage on

Belphegore~

Now that's one person Mc wasn't comfortable with from the start, but he's their loved one's brother so they should help him

And then he's free and asks Mc for a hug. Do they want the hug? Absolutely Not, but he looks like someone who talks shit behind people's back, and Mc does not want one of the brothers to hate them for whatever reason

And then they die. That should be the end of that, no? How can Mc trust themselves in the arms of someone who's murdered them before?

But then they see how the brothers start excluding Belphie and are instead focusing on Mc, and it starts with a little feeling of uncomfort, but in just a few days this feeling has turned into vicious, dark, viscous guilt that claws at their throat everytime they see Belphie alone

So they force themselves to be around Belphie, to look comfortable with Belphie, just to convince the brothers that they've forgiven Belphie, that they too should forgive Belphie and let bygones be bygones

And Belphie notices that, and he hates it so fucking much that he wants to snap at Mc to just stay away

But he too feels guilt, because in the few days he's been out of the attic he saw just how much Mc truly meant to his brothers, so he let them be. Let them talk to him no matter how uncomfortable they felt

So they talked and hugged and cuddled with Belphie, desperately ignoring their body screaming at them to run away and the visions of Belphie standing over there lifeless body

And slowly the uncomfortable feeling disappears, their body becomes quiet, and their visions stop. They became comfortable enough with Belphie, as they are with the rest of the brothers, and going a day without the least physical contact with the youngest brother just started to feel wrong

And one day, Mc will realise that they’ve truly forgiven Belphie. And that will be a devastating day for Mc

Lucifer~

Lucifer, the last one Mc feels comfortable enough with to initiate contact. No one can blame them, he's the demon who's been threatening them nonstop since the day they've arrived

They admire him and his willingness to protect his brothers, but he's also half the reason mc needs to latch onto one of their emotional support demon

That is, at least, until he starts showing gratitude towards Mc for what they've done for his family. Until he starts seeking them out for reasons that are poorly masking how he just wants Mc around, and, really, he only needed to stop threatening Mc for them to at the very least not try running out of the room the very first chance they get

Their relationship takes time, and a lot of effort from Lucifer's side for Mc to become comfortable in his presence, and maybe even seek his company

But they still don't ask for his arm. And he notices that, and he doesn't understand why?

It's because Mc notices his aversion to touch, and how seriously he takes his image and reputation, and they respect him enough to not embarass him like that

Some time will pass, and Lucifer will notice how Mc accepts Beel's arm when he offers, and he too will try to offer his arm to Mc and feel incomprehensible happiness when he feels Mc hugging his arm

But nothing will prepare him for the warm, fuzzy feeling that threatens to overpower his pride when Mc seeks out his comfort for the first time

[inknanda67]

( the Image was created by A.I, and edited by me)

Voices in the Dark - A Wonderlamb AU fanfic.

Au created by @bamsara

Hello! All good?! I hope you like it, it's the first time i'm posting some fanfics here, I don't know if this one will be exclusive here, or if I'll put it on Wattpad too lol!

But this will depend on how this goes, I apologize in advance for any English mistakes, my typed English is terrible, but I'm learning.

Without further ado, enjoy the first part of the fanfic :3

Single chapter, part 1/3:

"Whispers."

"I don't know what to do with them anymore!"

A long sigh followed by a painful sob resounded through the walls of the old house. "They keep talking about voices, dreams, strange creatures! We've tried everything! I don't know what else to do for my poor little lamb."

"Even the herbs didn't work?"

" No Rom! Nothing! There is no tea that can cure them! There are no camellias that can bring sanity to my little sheep! I, I am exhausted... They will be adults soon, but they are still tormented by this, I don't know anymore husband, I do not know what to do anymore!"

The sheep sobbed, covering her snout with her hooves, her husband hugged her with shared sadness, while the sheep's crying and sniffling diminished, but the despair in her voice did not, she was still distressed for her son, who was inert in his thoughts. in his room, listening to the conversations of adults that were nothing more than whispers in his sensitive ears.

"But... We still have an option Lanny."

There was a sigh and then a fight, well, that idea was absurd, they really tried every possible method, and every doctor that the merchant family could afford, but...

"I will not allow them to open my son's head!"

Lobotomy was the only solution left untested by the couple. Honestly, if Lambert understood their mother's distress, they was always so inert between reality and those voices, they no longer disturbed or scared they, like they did in their childhood, the only thing they could say that "changed" in these brief years until their almost greater age, was that the voices at some point became screams, and screams became hallucinations to such an extent that in these weeks they could see a one-eyed mouse surrounding their family garden, stealing the lamb's pants and one of the pairs of their horseshoes, it seemed to want to call them, always throwing their things too close to the dense forest not so far, from their home.

Once the mouse was more daring, going so far as to make a literal trail with the balls of wool stolen from their mother's large basket, who accused them of scattering those good balls in the middle of the mud, even though they begged that it had been that mouse, none of them of their family had seen him.

"Hmph~" The lamb groaned, dragging their hooves from the sides of the bed, to rub their exhausted face, those herbs were only good for making them fall asleep, after all, with each passing year it became more difficult to sleep, with their name reverberating through every corner of their skulls.

Lambert!

Lambert! Lambert!

Lambert! Lambert! Lambert!

Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert!

Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert!Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Little Lamb~Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert!Lambert! . Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Follow Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert!Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! The. Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Mouse...Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert!Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert! Lambert!

"Oh for the holy ancients, Lambert!"

Their sister's higher pitched voice woke them up from their reverie, they covered their ears as usual, making a nervous grimace, as they tried to focus on the youngest girl's shrill voice that competed (and miserably lost) with the various hoarse voices that they called them by name.

" By the divine, get up and go bathe! You're opening up a pigsty in here! "

She complained, opening the door and windows of the small room, previously destined for some kind of family storage, but because it was the only door and window that they had braids and locks, they thought it best to transform that old warehouse into a room for their sick children. Just to keep them safe and away from any article of clothing or merchandise, in which they might throw into the forest again and blame on such "a stylish mouse with a clock ".

"What?"

They whispered, turning towards their step sister who continued to chatter, saying something about, bath? Blankets?

No, she was talking about helping their mother in the kitchen, no, not going to the kitchen, the mother was fighting with their stepfather again, no, they should stay there and find the mouse, no, they should bathe, get some air, and find the mouse, no, they had to listen to their sister, their mother, the well, yes, they should help the well in the kitchen, so that it would stop shouting at their mother, so that their bucket would always be filled with cold, smelling water. Such water could wash away the tears of the suffering sheep face, just like yours, just like...

When did they stop outside?

"Ahm..."

They blinked in confusion, seeing themselves in front of the well, partially wet, with the wool heavy on their bodies, how long had they been bathing there?

"Camellia?"

They called for their step-sister, looking around, there was no one at the back of the house except the lamb itself.

They blinked again, the voices were miraculously silent, for the first time in weeks, they could hear the croaking of the frogs that slept in their garden behind the damp well where they were bathing, the rustling of the herb bushes they had in front of them. every house planted for them, all sorts of insects, crickets, cicadas, was it too late? Hadn't your sister gotten you out of bed early in the morning?

Before they could get up, the lamb felt a soft hoof touch their shoulder, sliding its hand to her neck, pulling the wool a little and cutting it.

" Mommy?"

" Yes my love?"

" I was dreaming."

They said, shaking their sensitive ears, listening to the slight metallic sound of the mother's shearing scissors as she cut his wool, especially from his head, a little lower than usual.

" Was it? Is it about the rats again? "

"No, I'm talking about frogs mom, there are a lot of them and it's cold."

"Yes Lamby, it's cold and there are a lot of frogs, but you told me you were dreaming, this is reality."

She explained in her usual sweet and calm voice, Lambert blinked.

"Am I not dreaming? It's cold and there are frogs..."

"Just frogs my love?"

They stated with a soft chant, hearing a sigh of relief from their mother as she finished the shearing.

"Just frogs, cicadas and crickets, without clothes, or... "

They stopped, listening to the brief rustle of the camellia bushes a little away from the well, where a slightly golden glow caught the attention of their misty eyes.

"This is good my baby."

The mother comforted them by stroking their ears very zealously.

"It's very good"

She whispered, kissing the top of her lamb's head with the same affection she always had.

They blinked again, trying to see what had fallen from the bush, it looked like an average gold coin, but their parents would never leave money out, or maybe they did? It must have fallen out of the goat's pocket when he returned from the market a little early.

"We will go to the capital tomorrow Lambert."

She called her lamb, touching its nose with gentle touches of her hooves, in order to draw her children's attention from wherever they were looking.

A small hand grabbed the coin and pulled it under the leaves, hidden from the view of the sheep that were further away, Lambert gasped, opening her mouth to scream, but Lanny pulled their faces towards hers, making them bleat with fright.

"Lambert, can you hear me?"

She asked, still in a low but firm tone.

" little sheep, tomorrow, we will be going to the capital... There... There must be a doctor who can help you. "

She said, looking a little reluctant with the idea. Could it have something to do with the idea of opening his skull? Was she taking them to die? Had they really already become such a huge burden?

"Mom, the mouse, they.."

"Lambert, did you hear me? Doctor, tomorrow. Capital."

She said in a slightly more stern tone.

" Doctor?"

"Yes, it will be our last attempt, I promise."

She said pulling her child into a hug, even though they were wet and confused, they accepted the affection followed by a hoarse and tired purr from their mother.

"I just want to see you well, my little lamb, you know that, don't you?"

She whispered close to her lamb ear, disturbing the already very sensitive organs, due to Lambert's barely controlled grip on their poor ears with each crisis.

" I love you a lot. "

"I love you too mom."

They replied, twisting their faces slightly at the whisper. Triggering the explosion of voices again, which little by little took over the brightness of the lamb eyes with was black as the night.

Those voices reverberated through the lamb's head with the naturalness of only someone who would possess that skull, and this certainly wasn't Lambert. The lamb looked intently at the brown rat's tail, which was gently waving towards him, there was no sign of the rat, but they knew they were there, that they were waiting for the oldest to enter the cabin before stealing more items to convince them to explore the forests.

[moonlit-orchid]

Headcanon that came while I was making myself tea for my cold (chuckling in mint ginger lemon honey cinnamon powder and tumeric powder in a mug and splashing on boiling water hoping it will produce a beverage):

Primo loves cooking. He's really the only capable chef in the whole group.

When he was in the future with Iliaster, they had food, sure, but those were like microwave meals. You just added in water. Nothing to add to it. Same for drinks, tea and coffee were literally just like single pods that you put water in. Primo would sometimes (when Jakob finally went out and left him in a few hours of rare blissful peace) look at like pre-invasion earth food and stuff on his phone, and would especially be in awe of like teas and stuff, like cosy food, made with all kinds of herbs and spices that no longer existed, and he'd scroll until he got too despondent over how they no longer had those simple things. Or when Lester caught a cold, Primo would know how to make home remedies but lack all the ingredients/ real ingredients.

Then one day he has to meet Yusei at Martha's because Yusei was borrowing one of his tech things and Yusei happened to go to Martha's as the kids were all sick to try help out. Primo came and saw Martha was struggling to keep up with making remedies as well as look after the really little ones who wouldn't stop crying, while Yusei, Crow, and Jack were trying to soothe the older kids and while Jack knew how to make remedies, he didn't have the right talent for it and was too slow and clumsy, and his remedies were entirely made to be practical and to cure, not to taste good, so the kids wouldn't drink. Primo offered to help so Crow led him to the kitchen and Primo just freaked out when he saw Martha's cupboards of everyday spices and herbs and the home made bread and jam and everything.

Crow was like "are you okay? It's just kitchen things", so Primo had to explain that in his time, these things were none existent. To him being able to use these simple everyday ingredients, to make food that tasted good and comforting and actually restored energy and mood, was something he had never expected to do. Even here, in this time, Jakob never bought them that kind of food. The kitchen just had sachet meals.

Primo set to work on the herbal teas and even got a soup going, and he was not only fast, a skill he learnt when he had been able to cook in the past with a few ingredients he'd smuggled into Iliaster and he had to be quick before Jakob returned, he was able to cook well. He found an old notebook with remedies written in them so he went with that. And he not only made the remedies, he took the time out to quickly ensured they tasted good enough to appeal to the kids.

Eventually Martha came in and she was extremely proud of him. She told him those recipes had been handed down in her family. They may have been classic but there was always her family's own spin on it, and when she was younger she had written them all down from her mother to preserve them. However, what with the city expanding and life speeding up, most people just abandoned the remedies in favour of quicker over the counter medication. She had tried to teach her boys, but Yusei and Crow can't cook, Jack can but he isn't fully interested. To see Primo actually put his heart into it made her very happy and she offered to teach him how to cook more types of food if he wanted.

Primo just started crying right there and then. Someone noticed what he did and that someone was an older person. He got validated by someone equal to a parental figure. He got treated with kindness. He got praised for being good at something he geniunely liked. He made someone else happy and he didn't have to put himself through extreme agony to do so.

Martha hugged him and after that he became her new favourite son after Jack. He asked her "aren't i too old for this?"

She told him "you are never told old to feel a parent's love and warmth. Especially if you never got it from your own parental figure. You aren't too old, you're too overdue for it."

[ooihcnoiwlerh]

Watching Glass Onion

My thoughts below as I watch (I was spoilered in advance and knew what would happen.  Still enjoyed it.)

-Lionel, the smartest of the Disruptors who stabbed Andi in the back, seems to think Miles is a genius when he’s clearly not from early on.  Also, Miles definitely faxes snippets he hears from other conversations and none of them are original.  Or they’re just weird brain farts that succeed only because Lionel’s able to make something salvageable out of them.

-I bet Kate Hudson had a lot of fun playing Birdie.  Her character/dynamic with Peg is like something straight out of BoJack Horseman.  (”No, they’re all in my pod, it’s fine.” and her being so deliberately obtuse/ignorant/immature.)

- Dave Bautista playing an Andrew Tate type is kind of funny in a meta sense because as far as I’ve seen, he (thankfully) doesn’t hold any of those views in real life and is just the opposite.

- Claire’s an ultimately unlikable/irredeemable character but I do like seeing Kathryn Hahn getting snarky.  Cute surprise Yo Yo Ma cameo.  I worked with a guy who cooked for him at a restaurant in DC who said that he’s really nice.

- Love the hard cut from the Disruptors getting really excited for “Miles’s” puzzles and working to solve them together to Helen looking at the puzzle, deciding “Nope.  This man and this puzzle are not worth my time and I’m not going to give him the satisfaction” and proceeding to smash the shit out of it with a hammer.

-I haven’t seen Knives Out yet (although I definitely will after this, and it had been on my list for a while) so Benoit Blanc’s accent is new and hilarious to me.  It’s the Southern equivalent to the French accents from Monty Python and the Holy Grail; ridiculous and over-the-top and funny.  More cameos

-”You’re not in the bath again, are you?” “....No.”

- The movie says so much with the different characters by how they approach wearing masks.  Blanc correctly wears a cloth mask that coordinates with his outfit.  Lionel the scientist wears a medical grade mask, also correctly.  Claire the politician wears a mask out of courtesy/image but not correctly.  Peg’s masked up and doesn’t want to hug anyone but also doesn’t say anything about how her boss Birdie is wearing a useless decorative mesh mask.  Duke and Whiskey don’t bother wearing masks at all and both they and Birdie refuse to respect social distancing.  “Andi” is holding a mask as she gets out of the cab, implying she wore it during the ride, but takes the mask off so that the other Disruptors can truly see her full image and whoever the potential murderer is doesn’t get any doubt as to who this is and, let’s be honest, other than perhaps Helen, Blanc, Peg, and Lionel, they don’t seem concerned with the pandemic.

- Either Miles Bron has and is hoarding some kind of covid cure that can be used as a throat spray or the more likely answer: it’s a placebo because he wants to get away with being careless during lockdown even more than he and the Disruptors already are and is just trying to appear like he cares about other people’s health.  It’s interesting that Blanc questions the spray and its effectiveness more than the literal scientist.  Also, another fun cameo.

-It’s subtle enough that it won’t be distracting for the audience but will amuse people who do notice that Blanc clearly doesn’t have a gag reflex, and in fairness it did make me chuckle.

- “Is that a Banksy?”  “Piece of shit.”

- That’s either not Paul McCartney’s guitar because it’s a right-handed guitar and Miles is lying about it to sound impressive or he had it re-stringed just so he could brag about owning the guitar on which Paul McCartney recorded Blackbird.  And then he unceremoniously drops it like it’s worthless after making a point to gloat about how priceless it is to Birdie.  Amazing character intro, I hate him already.

- Of course it’s the MRA meathead guy who looks the other way in regards to his girlfriend very obviously cheating on him with Miles/pimps her out to Miles so she can secure better job opportunities for him.

- Knowing the ending already I love how Ed Norton played Miles’s shock and horror and complete incomprehension at seeing “Andi.”  You see him having absolutely no idea how to process what’s going on and how despite the fact that he and Andi had known each other for ten years and he had to have known Andi had a twin sister, he clearly doesn’t think that could have anything to do with it and just thinks, “I guess I didn’t kill Andi hard enough and need to do it again?”  

- Janelle Monae looks so regal and beautiful in that dress with that “dressed to kill” poise Helen’s trying so hard to keep up despite how scared and uncomfortable she is.

-Peg and I have the same reaction to hearing Miles say “inbreathiate”

- Blanc being bewildered that everyone’s just leaving their luggage on the beach until he realizes the Disruptors just take it for granted that “the help” will do everything for them.  Not sure if that’s part of the act but still a nice touch.

- Miles Bron, barefoot, calling his fifty-person staff-estate a “commune for creativity” as a robot butler collects everyone’s luggage is probably a hard reality but it’s hilarious; also him giving people rooms “based on chakras” and Birdie being into that

-Am a little fascinated with Miles telling “Andi” that he’s glad she’s there and her reacting coldly.  Is he trying to act contrite for her “attempted” murder or trying to seem like he’s innocent and realizes that Andi isn’t falling for it?  Like, I want to know the conversation Ed Norton and Janelle Monae had before filming that interaction and ask what they felt their respective characters are thinking in that moment.

- I like how Benoit Blanc is a renowned detective but the moment he starts playing “dumb” and pretending to be naïve, Miles, who knows that Blanc’s a renowned detective, immediately falls for it.  

-For such a closely-knit friend-group, these people really don’t like each other.  The only Disruptors who seem like they’re still actually friends are Claire and Lionel.  

-HOLY SHITBALLS BLANC’S SWIM OUTFIT.  A FUCKING FULL-BODY STRIPED SWIMSUIT WITH AN ASCOT?  FUCKING FASHION ICON.  Oh, and him just standing chest-deep in the pool while holding a drink?  What an icon.  Love this guy.

-I can’t wait until Miles’s condescending speech gets used against him, especially since he throws Andi under the bus as he makes his redpill speech.  I will relish it.  

- Birdie, how many times do you need to get the hint that Blanc’s not interested and you’re making him uncomfortable?  (And he’s canonically gay but he doesn’t owe her that explanation.)

- Peg looks at “Andi” with open admiration/potentially lust and honestly, same.  Also enjoy Peg’s reaction shots.  She clearly loathes these people, including Birdie.  Really wish she’d cut her losses and quit.   

- Birdie, Blanc isn’t calling you dangerous.  He’s calling you shallow, insensitive, and careless.

- This movie, while it has some dark/dramatic moments, really is funny.  The asscheek statue, the hourly dong, Blanc panicking and throwing his cigar into the water.  

- The movie does say a lot without getting too much into it the contempt everyone has for anyone considered working class or “the help.”  Peg’s been Birdie’s loyal assistant for about a decade, has been to these get-togethers, and knows Miles and yet not only does she not even get to drink out of a glass (even if it’s not a personalized glass) he makes her drink out of a plastic cup like she’s at a frat party instead of a multi-billionaire’s estate, and has never bothered to learn her name.  And Birdie sees this, is aware of this, and doesn’t see the problem or treat Peg as a human being, either.  After a decade of putting out all of her many fires and baby-sitting her.  Lionel and Claire both have a brief blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment earlier in the movie in which they acknowledge/are nice to her but see how badly Birdie and Miles treat Peg and don’t challenge it.

-Maybe it’s because I watched Mrs. Fletcher, in which Kathryn Hahn’s character’s alcoholic beverage of choice is white wine with ice and maybe it’s because I wait on/bartend a fair amount of reasonably affluent/wealthy women who have specific instructions on how they like their white wine, but was a little amused at how Claire specifically likes “room temperature Pinot Grigio.”

- Just realized Miles probably poisoned “Andi’s” drink and it’s only because Helen is a teetotaler and also wants to keep a clear head for the evening that she survives.

-While Miles is not a mirror of every nepotism baby who has no true friends and no original ideas, it has to mean that he comes from money in that his mother took him the Louvre at the age of six when he’s an American?  I’m an American myself born in ‘93 and both of my parents worked full time but there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell that they could’ve afforded a family vacation to any location in Europe let alone Paris. Miles was likely born in the late 60s, early 70s and still would’ve had to have to have been born to fairly well-off parents.  Two of my best friends who are former roommates and international military brats were both born in ‘69 lived, briefly in Europe, and never saw the Louvre.  Also the audacity to override the Louvre’s security measures so he “doesn’t have to look at the Mona Lisa behind glass.”

- Lionel and Claire are horrified by Klear but still sign off on it for money because they’re too deep in and they keep acting like they’re the voice of reason but they  still agreed to this and even though I know the ending I keeping hoping they’ll be better than their greed.

-I could feed off of Miles’s pouting resentment and sulking both times so far Blanc has “accidentally” insulted his intellect first by calling the first-scene puzzle  “a child’s game” and for solving Miles’s murder mystery within two minutes of hearing about it and with no clues whatsoever.  It’s especially funny since everyone’s praising Miles’s intellect when it’s made explicitly clear that he didn’t design the puzzle nor did he write out the murder mystery and yet still is so entitled he acts as though his intellect, which is nonexistent and he didn’t lend to either of these things, has been undermined.  And that Blanc, still playing the naïve and socially inept goof, is well aware of the fact that his comments and intellect bruise Miles’s narcissistic and yet fragile ego and is probably having a lot of fun doing it.

- Janelle Monae having a couple of moments where you hear a little bit of Helen’s natural Southern accent when she’s really upset as she’s masquerading as Andi is *chef’s kiss* and Andi probably also had a little bit of a hidden Southern accent that probably came out in small doses during emotional or vulnerable moments so it’s not surprising that it wouldn’t be a tell.

- “I want the truth!”

-Miles did in fact hand Duke the drink that killed him.  Also, a bit fitting that a man with a deathly food allergy to a common food item insists on keeping a gun on him even when swimming but never bothers to carry at least one epi pen.

-Miles literally murdered a man and is shocked that a detective thinks to call the cops this is incredible.

- I appreciate how, except for his girlfriend who didn’t even like him very much, all of Duke’s friends are more concerned for how it will look for their reputations to be associated with his death even as an innocent standby than the fact that he died.  And once again, the moment anything doesn’t go exactly his way, Miles panics and goes on impulse instead of thinking anything through and only kind of stumbles onto something afterwards.  Also, him scampering off the moment anyone other than Benoit approaches Duke’s corpse.  He’s so bad at hiding anything!  It’s incredible he gets away with so much

- I was prepared for this but it really is delightful that Blanc has a posh English husband played by Hugh Grant who spends quarantine making sourdough starter.  Also a cute little costuming detail that Blanc gets fully dressed, complete with a necktie to meet with Helen, but still wears a bathrobe over his clothes.

- Janelle Monae’s consistent, realistic Southern accent as Helen that does sound like it’s from one specific region from the South vs Daniel Craig’s hilarious, all-over-the-place Foghorn Leghorn Southern accent.  Let’s discuss.

- “Heavens.  The dog ate the caviar again.”

- Helen is so goddamn brave and I love her. 

- The fact that Miles is such an inept and clueless murderer who only gets by on privilege and luck that Blanc doesn’t suspect Miles as Andi’s killer because it would be too inept and dumb of a murder, though

- It does kind of make me wonder--did Lionel and Claire want to be a positive force in the world once?  Were they better people before easy money from Miles made them take ethical shortcuts or were they always weak and corruptible people who just wanted a meal ticket?  They’re clearly more conflicted about Miles’s actions than Duke and Birdie and feel more guilty about betraying Andi, but they still chose money and convenience over ethics.  I mean, that’s a big message of this movie; these morally questionable/bankrupt people at times wanted to do the right thing, but chose greed and corruption over their conscience.  But I guess I liked Leslie Odom  Jr’s and Kathryn Hahn’s performances so much that I was curious as to their approaches to the roles and how they took their respective characters’ corruption.

- Helen being  terrified because of the high risks as well as getting seasick as well as accidentally getting tipsy because she didn’t realize the kombucha she was drinking had alcohol in it and still managing to mostly confuse everyone is amazing and shows not just her intellect and quick thinking but the love and commitment she has for her twin no matter how uncomfortable the situation gets.�� Blanc says himself that she has a natural talent for sleuthing.

- “That is hahd kamboocha!  That is Jared Letos’ hahd kamboocha!”

- Oh heavens, the foreshadowing.

- the detail that Serena Williams is one of the world’s greatest living athletes and Miles still hires her to do nothing except do personal training if someone is there did get a chuckle out of me

- “If I ever meet Jared Leto, I’m gonna whoop his kombucha-brewing ass”-Helen realizing she accidentally got tipsy off of his kombucha and also I would watch Helen beat the living shit out of Jared Leto

- I know the only redeemable characters in this movie, realistically, are Helen, Andi, and Blanc but I do feel bad for Peg.

-”Birdie...please tell me you did not think sweatshops are where they make...sweatpants.”  *Annoyed, unapologetic shrug.*  “Oh my Go-o-od.”

- Andi’s notebook indirectly saving Helen is apparently a parallel to Knives Out, in which a prop shows the heroine surviving killing odds because of someone who loved them.  Again, I need to watch Knives Out.

- “Miles Bron is an idiot.” “No one tried to kill you, you vainglorious buffoon.” 

- A bit depressing that Peg and Whiskey, who didn’t actively stab Andi in the back, are still imbued enough with the Disruptors that they also ignore any kind of conscience they have for greater opportunities, but not surprising.

- Miles looking at Helen, again, undoubtedly knowing that Andi had a twin sister, and clearly thinking, “What the fuck, is Andi a terminator?  How many times do I have to kill her??”

- Miles is so reckless, egotistical, and fucking dumb.  He specifically asked for people’s food allergies and killed Duke in front of their friends with  his own food allergy and only succeeded because Duke was too proud to carry a couple of epi pens in case of an emergency.  This is on top of the fact that he murdered his high-profile former friend and business partner all because he just assumed it would be covered up because he’s a multi-billionaire and he thinks everyone is as much of an idiot as he is.  “No!  It’s just dumb!” indeed.  It doesn’t even occur to him that it’s Helen who’s alive in front of him until Blanc spells it out and you can tell from his reactions.

- Speaking of which, Ed Norton eats in this movie.  He’s amazing as a sleazy, smug, greedy, narcissistic scumbag.  I love to hate him every moment he’s on screen and he’s always great as a villain but especially in this.

- “Heavens to...you dimwitted, brainless jackass!  Your one murder with any panache at all, and you stole the whole idea from me!”  

-  Miles doesn’t even get the idea to burn the napkin on his own.  Lionel, completely and justifiably mystified, goes, “You didn’t just...burn it?”

- Oh, but how cowardly the Disruptors are when they think Miles will win everything even though they know he’s a monster and are horrified by what he did.

-”Totally circumspective evidence”--Benoit rolling his eyes.  Same.  Also, apparently Miles Bron is not based on Elon Musk and their similarities are coincidental but Elon Musk stans saw this dumb fucking loser and went, “This talentless, unoriginal, evil person is definitely my precious boy” and that is amazing.

-Oh, but how incredible it is, that moment in Helen’s eyes that go from heartbreak and grief and anger, knowing she’ll never get proper justice for Andi to that moment of, “But fuck it.  Revenge is also a viable solution.”  I could live in it.  That switch in which she’s like, “He’ll never be held accountable for literal murder.  Time to burn it all down” and in fact does.  

-Also turns out I was wrong about the poisoned whiskey soda theory--she drinks it and then raises hell.  Miles is just so dumb, impulsive, and reckless I didn’t put it past him.

-I also like that Blanc realizes that proper legal justice is futile but also that Miles deserves every negative thing coming his way and knows when to let Helen take the reigns.

- “You would lie for a lie but you wouldn’t lie for the truth?”

- No, Whiskey.  You don’t get to try to kill Helen and screw her over and act like you’re friends and comrades.  Same goes for the rest of you shitheads.  And yet the fact that these people never truly liked Miles shines through makes them all feel empowered up to a certain point until they realize that their cowardice and greed and association with him will cost them personally and then they become cowards again.

- Self-fulfilling prophecy, Miles, you motherfucker.  Also the transition from him being completely unfazed (both by Helen breaking the ugly glass sculptures and the fact that everyone joins in at first and that none of his friends actually like him) to horror is deeply satisfying to watch. Everyone goes, “But you went too far” as if Miles didn’t literally murder Helen’s sister after stealing credit for her life’s work.  No, actually.  She’s the only real disruptor here

-She fucking blows up the Glass Onion!  (also Blanc just handing Klear to her like, “I won’t, but you should.”)

- Is Daryl meant to be a metaphor for Covid?  He enters the picture with a case of Coronas going, “I’m not here” and is there when Helen blows up the Glass Onion because no way is the throat coat actually going to protect any of these people from, Covid and chances are Birdie (and Peg, by association) Duke, Whiskey or Miles (or maybe Claire) infected everyone.

- His one-of-a-kind car that follows him everywhere is ruined too.  Good.

-I can’t tell you how hard I laughed when Miles realizes that he rented the Mona Lisa and it’s on fire so now he’ll forever be known as the man who destroyed one of Europe’s greatest paintings.  Also I know there’s discourse on whether or not it’s the actual Mona Lisa.  For the sake of this movie I’ll say it is; the Louvre was that impressed with Miles’s money and that the catharsis is that, in the Knives Out universe, that Miles ruined his own image by ruining the Mona Lisa.

-I know it’s a movie but Helen running on broken glass while wearing sandals freaked me out for a moment, even though it is pretty urgent.

“You’ll forever be remembered in the same breath as the Mona Lisa.”

- Oh wait Helen had to point out to him that he’ll forever be known as the guy who destroyed the Mona Lisa.  Amazing.

-This has been pointed out before but I did see what you did there: Cassandra predicted the fall of Troy despite no one believing her and Helen precipitated it.

- They’ll all burn him to save themselves now that he’s not their sugar daddy, which is obvious.  I’m kind of curious to see how they’d try to salvage their careers after this, but I’m pretty sure we won’t find out.  Benoit Blanc movies so far work like Mad Max movies, and he’ll be the ally/helper to another working class woman who exposes a corrupt and greedy wealthy group of people and any Helen/Marta fanfics will be strictly on AO3.  And here.  Also I’m here for it.

-Miles Bron you fucking idiot.  You piece of shit.  Hell’s bells you really actively planned to murder your former business partner/best friend as you sent her a puzzle invitation to celebrate a murder mystery-themed party.  I...incredible.  Not in a good way.  In a “bought the Mona Lisa on a whim and let it burn to the ground” kind of way.

- Okay, I know the look on Helen’s face is meant to be a million things, because it evokes the Mona Lisa but still.  As far as she knows, since she wasn’t there to hear that the Disruptors have agreed to burn Miles in court, she didn’t really get to clear her sister’s name and that’s probably the biggest source of pain for her.  That  said she did get to obstruct a deeply dangerous fuel source by the incompetent piece of shit that murdered her sister and ruin his public image.  It’s probably a mix of catharsis and a lack of it.  Either way, I enjoyed the movie and will watch it again as well as Knives Out.

[sunderedazem]

Hello! I'm back haha, hoping you guys haven't gotten tired of me yet. Just reread alone amongst the wreck again (sorry I keep talking about that series, I adore your unsundered au too but I have too great a soft spot for the old men) and that one line where emet selch says he wasn't quite sure if he was loved at the end hit me like a brick to the face. You guys have many lovely bricks but oooooh this one. I know his fallout with Helios was covered in the first fic, but I was kind of wondering what Helios would think of Emet Selch now, after all these centuries exhausted and alone? Would Emet Selch have said/agreed to any of those things untempered? This old man definitely needs hugs and I'm so glad he lets G'raha give them (for now).

Speaking of G'raha, can I confirm that he's not a shard of Hythlodaeus? I know some other authors have done that and despite liking that trope I've always found it slightly tragic. It feels like in your story G'raha's Ancient form never met the polycule? I'm curious if Emet Selch had met him before, would they have become involved? Or would it be a 'right person, wrong time' kind of situation?

Thank you so much to you and your co-author for writing these fics and continuing to write them in the future, they always make me happy-squeal and kick my feet when I read them XD. I hope you guys are having fun with dawntrail despite the wonky writing I've heard it's had, and thank you for taking time out of your days to answer my asks! Take care of yourselves :D

we are NEVER tired of you! I am giving you the biggest wettest cat eyes of held-back tears - thank YOU for sending us such sweet asks! Literally highlight of the week, lol!

So, with regard to that first paragraph of questions - we actually have an AU or two where Helios passes out on leaving the Convocation like that and gets taken home to sleep it off, and the *first* thing he realizes when he wakes up is that none of the Convocation are themselves - they're all tempered, though he doesn't have that word for it yet. The only reason he doesn't realize it on that first meeting is- because he is exhausted and sick, and he's barely on his feet. This is also why he's horribly irritable and snaps at Emet-Selch so cruelly.

So, in short - if he'd even waited just a little longer, let alone after the centuries and millennia that Emet-selch has endured - he would be clinging to this man, and trying to find a cure, and essentially just. a very tearful koala, because he would feel responsible for what Emet-selch became, since he wasn't there to stop it, or see the descent of the Convocation.

And on that note- we think that Emet-selch would have agreed, mostly, to the plans proposed by Elidibus as Zodiark, and when we (lol unsurprisingly) unfridge him, we do have him still agree with most of what he's done. But the biggest part of it, the planning to resurrect their fallen brethren through mass sacrifice - this is what he wouldn't agree to, untempered, and without that the rest of the plan kind of falls apart. We think he'd see this as a perversion of the Lifestream it's his job to monitor and watch over the souls of the dead/those using aetherytes, and- as Younger!Emet-selch says in Elpis, it would be an insult to their memory to do something like recreate Amaurot. Which, of course, appropriately fucks him UP when he realizes that he *was* tempered and therefore so was the rest of the Convocation and etc. G'raha really DOES need to give him hugs, lmao.

(There will also be a line, probably, from Corrain or G'raha or both, about how he built the empire that gave them the technology to cure tempering. In a way, he made his own cure)

And then, G'raha- he is not a shard of Hythlodaeus. We actually do have a shard of Hythlodaeus OC for use in some AUs- an all-lavender Viera named Liokki. But anyway, in my own headcanons, G'raha doesn't actually have an ancient counterpart- he was one of those souls formed by the Lifestream after the Sundering, and as such he's a little *less* well defined, and more able to be layered back into his own younger body and soul as he is at the end of Shadowbringers patches. I have this HC mostly because I think it's very crunchy for Emet-selch to fall in love with someone who literally has never existed Unsundered, hehe

thank you for the questions! I'll tag lee in in case xey want to add anything? @azems-familiar pspspspspspsps

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

@birdyfreedomsworld​ Tysm!! I’m so glad you enjoyed our work as usual!!

And lord almighty set me free where do I even begin with that jealousy Comte event. I swear my only coherent reaction to it is LOUD INHALE as I try to process how unreal the man is.

You ever just see your old time friend protect your wife from a danger he created (Leonardo if you don’t clean your room I am going to skewer you on that globe) and literally go FULL FUCKING FERAL ABOUT IT. YOU EVER JUST DO THAT. BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT LE COMTE DID AND I’M TOTALLY NOT ASTRAL PROJECTING.

I’ll probably make it later but Comte is literally that meme that’s like. Comte!!!!!! loves!!!!!!! Baguettes!!!!!!!!!! Comte!!!!!!!! loves!!!!!!!!!! MC!!!!!!!!!! Comte!!!!!!!!! loves!!!!!!!!!!!!! sees a single threat to his relationship with MC as her lover REVOLUTION.

He just. The way he conveys that shit is the highlight of my entire life. The savagery. The complete, absolute disregard for anything but possessive horny. I gained entire years of my life from the exchange?????? I’m crying???????????????

AND THE FACT THAT MC WAS DYING FROM HORNY RIGHT BACK!?!?! L E G E N D A R Y. GUESS I’LL JUST HAVE TO STAN FOREVER, HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

For anybody that might be curious and isn’t sure what I’m referring to, I’m gonna clarify under the cut, so pls don’t open it if you don’t want spoilers!!! I want to make sure I don’t ruin anyone’s experience, tyty <3

So essentially we are the MC living our best life minding our own business when suddenly a wild Leonardo appears (sadly no pokeballs today kids, we loyal thots). MC goes to bring a thing to his room and he’s like “cara mia, come in carefully” so naturally MC barges inside and nearly gets demolished by a stack of books as tall as the Eiffel Tower.

Cue Leonardo being himself and leaping on top of her to take the brunt of the books falling, checking on her when it’s over. Comte comes along like merciful heavens, Leonardo, what was that? Are you all ri--

Kill Bill sirens.

Before MC can explain, Leonardo’s bastard instinct kicks in and he pours gasoline on an already raging fire like. What if I. Make Comte. Go actually insane with jealousy. And so he does (says something along the lines of like ARA ARA A COMPROMISING POSITION WOULDN’T YOU SAY) and Comte just. Sighs. And is like MC don’t worry about it, are you all right? Okay then, Leonardo clean up after yourself, see you both later.

I would like you all to know that as I was translating this my exact response to this situation was: “LEONARDO WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS, WHOSE FUCKING MANS IS THIS--HE SURE AIN’T MINE” The difficulty of being a Leonardo stan is that you love him but also sometimes you just really want to shake him a bit. Moving right along.

And MC is just. Huh. He didn’t get jealous?? Guess I should have seen that coming (because she’s an idiot). And so when she’s trying to tell Leo off he’s like “hey hey don’t get mad cara mia, I just like to push his buttons now and again, like seeing him lose his composure.” And MC squints like sounds fake but okay, doesn’t really understand what he means.

Enter, the next scene.

MC still feels uneasy about the whole thing and so she goes searching for Comte after she gets most of her work done, as one does. She finds him at the dining table, staring into a tea cup (I shit you not I read this and all I heard in my head was wAKE ME UP). And she’s like ???? Comte, I uh, I’m sorry about-- And he just smiles gently and shakes his head, repeats that he’s fully aware Leo was just messing around inappropriately. That it’s no biggy.

I must interject to say, in the tone of the “science is a liar sometimes” meme, COMTE IS A LIAR SOMETIMES.

And so MC, with the emotional intelligence of a brick once again, laughs a little and is like “I should have known better than to worry, you’re too mature to let a little mishap like that get to you, haha.” And then. His expression. DROPS. Swear to god you can hear the record scratch sound effect. And he gets deadly, deadly serious. She says his eyes burn suddenly with passion like they only do when they’re alone, and he replies “.............not let it get to me?”

And she’s like w h. And he advances, and it says the click of his Oxford shoes (DRAMATIC YELLING I LOVED THIS DETAIL) strike the floor one, by one, by one. He continues, and this line singlehandedly killed me, “I remember saying that I understood what happened. I never said I didn’t care.”

AND THEN HE KISSES HER SENSELESS. IN THE DINING ROOM. NO HOLDS BARRED. NO MERCY. FOR SEVERAL MINUTES.

Of course, Leonardo being the cockblock that he is comes stomping down the hall (when I tell you I had Shigezane war flashbacks WHEN I TELL YOU--) Comte finally relents and murmurs at her ear that they’ll finish this later. Leonardo comes in like OOPSY DID I INTERRUPT and I’m pretty sure Comte is inches from beating Leonardo with his teacup. But I digress.

There is a scene after that that’s hilarious where Leo’s like DAMN SON you really did a number on poor cara mia. And Comte just snaps back “And whose fault is that, asshole.”

The event essentially ends with Comte railing her senseless--as any Comte stan dreams of--and some of the things he says are just unreal. The absolute, soft possessive borderline yan energy obliterates me. He is so much kids. HE IS SO MUCH. He essentially tells her that the last thing he wants to do is stop her from living freely and interacting with everyone as usual, because he does consider them family. But at the same time the very prospect of sharing her with anyone literally destroys him on the inside so naturally the solution is to stake his claim until she passes out.

It’s a little funny because the morning after he feels SO bad about it. He’s stroking her hair and asking if he was too rough or went too far and MC is just blissed out like the legend she is. She mentions wanting to see his full honest self--all of his feelings, no matter how intense--and so he’s like is that so? And then does her all morning too because he’s also literally a legend that loves his wife more than anything else in the entire world, thank you for coming to my TED talk.

If you managed to get through even half of that I salute you, comrades, I’ll be here drinking my pina colada and dying over the fact that this man ain’t real. Some bullshit. And yes I do love dancing in the rain

[snacksizedgates]

How the Boys Don't Cry Reference(s) are About Mike, and Not Will

In this post I'm going to explain the significance of this poster, where else it is referenced besides this one shot and how the motif represents the character of Mike.

So Will, in the first episode is seen painting right next to this poster of "Boys Don't Cry" by the Cure. I know most people have picked up on this but for those who haven't and don't know the context - this song is about toxic masculinity and the internal thoughts men have while experiencing said toxic masculinity. It's also popular in the LGBT+ community.

So let's first breakdown the lyrics and how they apply to Mike; and then I am going to show you what scene it's blatantly referenced in, basically confirming Mike is gay/queer/in the closet.

This is the first verse of the song. It reflects how Mike feels when he treats Will poorly up until his apology scene.

"I would say I'm sorry."

Already this sticks out to me. If you notice in the apology scene to Will, although it is CLEARLY an apology, he never explicitly says "I'm sorry". He says the exact words "I'm sorry" to El in his failed apology scene however. A complete contrast. Very ironic. I don't think I'm looking too into it because they could have easily had Mike say I'm sorry in an apology scene and like why wouldn't he?? He's apologizing lol.

He does this because he knows saying "I'm sorry" to each of them have the same implications. No, he doesn't literally think "Apologizing to El my girlfriend is similar to apologizing to my best friend, Will, because I'm crushing on him". He just feels and intuitively knows that they're both in a romantic context, not platonic, and it makes him nervous.

"If I thought it would change your mind / But I know that this time / I have said too much / I have been unkind"

First of all just note that literally none of this reflects Will's character.

Anyway, this is why while El is still around, Mike focuses on her. He knows how he treated Will was wrong, and we know he already thinks Will has intentionally pushed him away by saying Will never reached out either. We know this is true because Will doesn't deny it. If he had reached out more he would have said so. With Mike, he's typically not afraid to stick up for himself. He'll tell him right out. Boyfriend dynamics.

So they both have not been reaching out to each other in fear that the other doesn't care about them anymore.

So basically the line "If I thought it could change your mind" means Mike feels like their friendship is done and gone and never gonna recover and that it's his fault. This can be supported not only by this line but by his line about El after the fight - that he feels their fight was something you can't come back from. And if you've read my other posts, you'll know that whatever is happening in one ship, the opposite is happening in the other. And immediately too; as soon as one is taken out of a situation, the other is thrown right into the same one.

So in all the scenes before El leaves and before Mike apologizes, he feels as though he and Will will never be close again. The "But I know that this time, I have said too much, I have been unkind" is referencing events in both S3 and S4. As you may know, we never get to see Mike apologize to Will in S3 although he intends to. And then they are swept up in the events of the season so presumably Mike never apologizes and then Will leaves to Cali. They're not on bad terms - we have all the hugging at the end - but that doesn't mean Mike isn't thinking about how and why he treated Will poorly just a year ago.

So Mike comes to Cali thinking their friendship is dead. Why even get himself attached again? If you watch the scenes of Byler in the second episode you'll notice Mike doesn't really start treating him poorly until the end, after El was bullied right in front of them both and they can't find her (so they're both stressed out) and once Will starts bringing up how he feels like a third wheel. Before that, he's basically, just as Will said, third wheeling him, or trying to stay as distant as possible. In the Airport scene, he tries to greet Will but it's awkward because since the end of S3, he's figured/figuring something out about himself. (Finn even confirms this I believe). He doesn't sound mean, or like he doesn't like Will, he's just distant and awkward because he's scared of getting close to Will again, especially now that they're teens, and doesn't want to get attached to someone he can't even be around physically (Hawkins isn't the same without you, I feel like I lost you, etc) -- he misses Will physically being there. He doesn't mind writing letters and seeing El every now and then, cause he doesn't say anything like this to her. (I feel so bad for El when I write these Byler posts 😔 like truly I hate it) But basically, Mike is third wheeling Will because 1) he thinks their friendship is over and 2) he doesn't like or understand the feelings he has for Will and would rather just ignore them. He's feeling guilty, probably missing how they were, wondering why he doesn't feel as strongly for El, etc etc.

We have ALL the context we need for Will, they put it there narratively and obviously. Whereas with Mike it's typically subtext, especially in the last two seasons.

His context is all the subtext, like this song. They put the poster in Will's room so we never even think to personally connect it to Mike, but if you read the lyrics it doesn't reflect Will at all. He's never been unkind to Mike, he doesn't need to say he's sorry, and he cries all the time. This is all the opposite for Mike, suggesting that we can take this poster and apply it to him, since they're a pairing romantically and platonically.

Also, the first time we see the poster it's juxtaposed with Will painting a picture for Mike - the complete opposite of what the song says in the lyrics. Will is being so open this season whereas it's the opposite for Mike.

So the above section of lyrics basically represents Mike because he's feeling guilty about how he treated Will and sad about how they grew apart, so it feels impossible to fix and now he thinks the best solution is to just push him away (toxic masculinity).

Most of this is pretty straightforward and if you just think about it in the context of Mike, it makes way more sense.

"I tried to laugh about it / cover it all up with lies. I tried to laugh about it / hide the tears in my eyes / cause boys don't cry, boys don't cry"

I tried to laugh about it means they tried to not care. In relation to Mike this means he tried to not care about his feelings for Will, as we can see in S3.

Think back to the scene in S3 right before the fight, and the fight. Right before, he pokes fun at Will for still being into DnD. He's laughing at Will. Trying not to care about how he really feels and move on. Maybe if I move on from DnD, I'll move on from Will. Maybe if I get a girlfriend, I'll have less time for Will. He's not actively thinking this (no teenager is) but he's acting out his subconscious feelings. Note that we know from S4 that he actually still likes DnD. So then then they go out into the storm to have their fight, where he starts covering his feelings up with lies. (Or projections.) He says its not his fault you don't like girls, even though Will never suggested it was, he suggested Mike's ruining the party over a girl. He's projecting. but we're not kids anymore, Yes they are, a lie/misperception. what did you think really? we were never gonna get girlfriends? none of them have girlfriends because both Mike and Lucas have been dumped atp, so a lie. we're gonna sit in my basement and play games for the rest of our lives? In Mike's basement, they only ever play DnD, not just any games, so this can allude to them figuratively playing games with each other and not admitting their feelings. And we know from S4 that Mike still likes DnD enough to wear his clubs shirt to school, so he's projecting. The fact that Mike raises his voice angrily when he says "it's not my fault you don't like girls" can point to the lyrics "and boys don't cry, boys don't cry" they get angry. But as soon as he snaps, he instantly feels bad and says he not trying to be a jerk, meaning he also has a soft side, but it's being corrupted by toxic masculinity. Note that he's "not trying to be a jerk" - he's not trying, he can't help it because he's becoming a teenager who's closeted/doesn't understand his feelings, in 1985. He's "not trying to be a jerk" and then he subsequently does all the jerky things I listed above. He's being corrupted by toxic masculinity which is the main theme in Boys Don't Cry.

He also covers up his feelings with lies/projections in S4. He tells Will "we're friends, friends." First, Will never suggested they weren't or they were something else, he suggested that Mike didn't care about their friendship anymore. Second, he says it twice, to put emphasis, because he knows he doesn't even believe it, projecting how he feels onto Will. He also doesn't say best friends even though in S3 they would consider themselves that. He's trying to distance himself from Will because he has recognized, on some level, how he feels and doesn't want to admit that. And then what happens could connect to the lyrics "hide the tears in my eyes" -- Note that Will never hides the tears in his eyes. There's tons if shots of him crying in front of others. Will suggests they used to be best friends and Mike admits how he really feels, to a degree. He says Will should've reached out more and then says why is this on me? why am I the bad guy? He makes a valid point, and based on his behavior, in previous scenes, he's felt the same as Will since Will left Hawkins. Will has no answer to why he didn't reach out, meaning he reached out probably just as much as Mike did, and Mike knows this. The audience know why Will didn't - he has a crush and thinks Mike doesn't reciprocate therefore he doesn't want to seem like he has a crush. But with Mike, the audience is not clued in on this. We think he's just ignoring Will when really he's wondering where his drawings and letters from Will are. Think back to his last shots in S3. Something that can signal that he was expecting stuff from Will is in the Airport scene when Mike and Will finally are greeting each other. The first thing that is said is by Mike who immediately looks down at the painting and nervously asks what it is. He QUICKLY pivots from greeting Jonathan to asking Will about the painting, indicating he's been thinking about it as soon as he saw Will holding it. He's nervous cause he's hoping it's for him - the precedent is there, Will always gave Mike drawings and Mike knows Will has been working on a painting for someone. Mike is hoping that someone is him. But because of his distant and awkward behavior, Will doesn't give it to him cause he's second guessing himself, making Mike feel even more like their friendship is dead. Now he assumes it's not for him. Neither of them are to blame, homophobia is.

Basically, the rest of the lyrics mirror the same theme but with different words and repeat some of the verses we already went over. The end point is that the theme of the song "Boys Don't Cry" is bottling up your feelings, not being able to treat the person you love right, wanting to apologize and open up but not knowing how to. These are all things we can see in Mike and not just in the context of Byler, but Mileven and other characters as well, mostly since S3. He can't say I love you, he doesn't know how to act in his relationship with his girlfriend, especially when there's not something supernatural going on, there's at least scenes (probably more) where he calls himself or his feelings stupid/not important, and he projects his feelings onto others. And lastly, but most importantly, he doesn't cry. He hasn't actually cried since S2. All of S3 and all of S4 he doesn't cry, even when El is dying on the table. Will can be seen at least tearing up in the background and Will cries all the time. This song absolutely represents Mike Wheeler.

Okay, so now that we're done with lyrics and established Mike's behavior as being related to this song, let's take a look at this shot, where Will is seen crying.

Notice anything? Let me put another picture here for you.

This is, obviously, the Boys Don't Cry Poster.

So let's break how this scene references this poster. This part is the quickest.

So for the poster we have a blue background, a yellow foreground, a red triangle, a sun, the desert and three trees.

In the shot above of Byler, Mike has his blue sweater on in the background. Will is wearing his yellow flannel in the foreground. They are riding through a sunny desert. And Will is crying.

Will crying IN THIS SHOT, absolutely means that the Boys Don't Cry is about Mike. If everything I have theorized thus far, in all of my theories and analysis, is true or even half true, then Mike is queer and is struggling with those feelings, so to mirror the Boys Don't Cry poster in the scene where Will is opening up, means something. He's not crying, he's in the dark and he's not moving, he doesn't look like he's casually sitting there - this indicates he's dealing with something or thinking about something. When he looks over to Will it's just a quick glance and straight back down to the painting. Will on the otherhand is shown in the light not just crying but breaking down, symbolizing he has fully accepted his feelings for Mike and is working on getting them out. That's why some of his face is shadowed, because he's still struggling. But all of Mike is shown in the dark.

The triangle on the poster represents the love triangle they're in with El, and the three trees represents each of them.

Okay now let me show you another shot.

First of all, this is in Jonathan's POV. I've explained this in another post but essentially it indicates both Jonathan and Mike know he's lying about the El commission and everything. I suggest you read at least that part to fully understand this but if you don't feel like it just go with the fact that the above shot indicates hiding something.

This shot is even more coded for Boys Don't Cry - which, going with my theory above that this shot symbolizes untruth-fullness, conveys that both Will and Mike are hiding something.

Now how it compares to the poster; We can already see it in the other so this shouldn't be difficult to spot but I'll explain it anyway. The top background part is blue (the same blue on Mike's shirt) and the bottom foreground is yellow (the same shade of Will's flannel.) They're obviously still in the sunny desert. But between the blue and yellow is a red object, just like on the poster, that says pizza. Pizza is triangular 99% of the time. So this is very very obviously referencing the poster. The entire scene does, and Will crying only emphasizes that, but this shot is the only shot that resembles the poster almost completely (minus the trees.) The one where we can infer that the both of them are hiding something!!!

I posted it on one of my other theories but someone sent me an ask and pointed out that not only is it from Jonathans "i can sense your dishonesty" POV, but visually they switch places, which indicates they are having the same problems. Something I also wanted to point out about that is the fact that they're being shot in a Mirrors. Again, this shot is only on screen when Will references El and both Jonathan and Mike know he's lying. Being shot in the mirror symbolizes they are mirroring each other in this moment. Visually switching places and you can see the mirror that they're shot in. Very interesting stuff imo.

So yeah, that's pretty much it. I know most of the post is just explaining Mike's behavior but I think it's so obvious how the Boys Don't Cry Poster is meant to symbolize Mike, not Will. There's absolutely nothing about the themes in the song that represent Will - perhaps a line by itself but collectively it does not make sense for Will.

The reason I think this is important is that its yet another symbol in the show that has coded Mike as queer. The more people find the less likely it is that Mike turns out straight lol. There can't be this many coincidences.

One last thing I want to point out that others probably already have is that the poster is yellow and blue, and we know Mike and Will are symbolized through blue and yellow.

But that only started in S3 meaning this Boys Don't Cry dynamic has only existed since S3. Think about why we even know about blue/yellow - they meet in the west. The Duffers set that up in 2018 for S4. We already know the Duffers have been planning ahead for years, so at least to me, this means everything in the Byler scenes are intentional and digging into every little thing is worth it! At this point I don't even have a single inkling of a doubt that Byler won't be endgame. It's just too much. Too too much.

MIKE WHEELER IS GAY END OF STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[finniestoncrane]

Could you do the riddlers comforting a reader who’s just,,, had too much? Like the day was just too much and they just want to go home and cry, but they can’t. Sorry if it’s a lot

Comfort

Riddler Headcanons aw baby should i be worried about you my little sausage? please let me know if you want to talk about anything ;-; and i'm so sorry this took me a while to get out but i've pushed it up the queue for this evening and i hope you see this and you feel better 💚 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi minors DNI!! 🔞 cw for nsfw stuff: none just all fluffy and soft

arkham

it's perplexing to him that someone could be so overcome with emotion that they might grind to a halt, not because he doesn't understand pain and internal conflicts/suffering, more because his instinct is to keep going and push past it (or at least pretend it's not happening) but hey! he didn't spend years in an asylum and not learn a few things about how to healthily regulate some of the more difficult emotions out brains can send our way. you take a seat at his desk, in the good chair, and he'll brew some tea and give you a riddle to ponder, a good distraction. "if sadness were a puzzle, i would solve it for you. not because i'm overwhelmed by feelings for you, not at all. i meant because i'm smart. very smart!"

dano

wee-oo wee-oo upset reader alert!! all systems go!! literal sirens and alarm bells ringing in his little head, because all he wants to do is make sure you're safe and happy, since you're one of the few people (outside of his twitch streams) that he has a tangible emotional connection to. and when he realises not even his little giggles are doing the job, you can bet your butt he's heading out, coming back in 30 minutes with a greetings card filled with silly sentiments and a slice of pumpkin pie. and he'll sit there beside you, silently and patiently, until you're ready to feel better. "oh gosh, i swear if i could i would bury this carpet tucker into your sadness and watch it twitch until it stopped. but i can't, so i guess i'll just hug you instead."

unburied

it's highly unlikely that he's the reason you're sad, more likely to be the reason you're irritated, which means he's the perfect cure for the blues. do you know how hard it is to be sad, or even to cry, when you want to strangle the living daylights out of someone? to give him credit though, you're only one glance at him with wet, big eyes away from him giving you his little gcpd sweater (which he never gave back) and plopping on the sofa with you to show you his favourite video essays. "aw, i know what will cheer you up! i have a joke and a riddle. no no, not which would you rather, which do you want first?"

gotham

why is his immediate response to every emergency or difficult conversation tea and over-explanations? who knows, but it works most times. he's happy to sit and talk to you (or at you) while you let yourself process your thoughts and feelings. he's filled with the usual platitudes and pleasantries offered to sad people, but with his own unique brand of 'fun facts' that actually make it easier, like what you're feeling is normal and common enough that eddie's been able to study up on it obsessively in case he's in this exact situation. "it's a simple chemical imbalance. i'll make you some tea. you mustn't become a hostage to your own brain. what? oh, really, you're going to bring that up!?"

young justice

oh god his heart is in the right place, but the distress of seeing you in a less than happy state sends him into panic mode and has him desperately searching for ways to fix it. the concept of just letting you feel sad is lost on him. all he can offer are solutions, and he'll run himself into the ground trying to find the right one. it might not be helpful, maybe even a tad annoying, but he's doing what he thinks is best and at least his flustered little face is cute enough to remind you that not everything is terrible. "if you have me, but share me, then i am lost? oh...ok i guess secret works, but i mean a problem! or are those halved?...sorry, i'm very stressed right now."

telltale

stop it. *bonk* stop. *bonk* it. * bonk* now. *bonk* ok, so bopping you on the head with his cane didn't help...he's out of ideas. god it would be a lot easier if people weren't so human. but fine, you can mope and wallow all you want, as long as you promise to get better. because honestly, he's one sad moment away from losing his grip on his stoic exterior and having you both watch sad movies together while you cry into each other's arms and fall asleep in a wet, emotional heap. "i'm sad and beaten down every day of my life! i've ever known true happiness, but you don't see me cryi-...oh...ok don't look at me, i need a moment."

capullo

he's glad you're not crying. although if he was to be honest and emotionally available he would have to admit that somehow that's more distressing than if you could just let it all out and get back to being yourself. cheer up soon, huh? it's hard to get into the mindset he likes to be in (eheheh) if you're looking all mopey. aside from huge hugs, he's not much help, unless having your butt smacked makes you happier? it doesn't? ok then he's useless. "would it help you if we made out or if i unbuttoned my shirt...more? ok, yeah, it was worth a try though. and i will be back in an hour to try again."

[bluediamonder]

it was a lot more than a hug: an (unintentional) short essay on mental health & steven worm

I LOVED THE HUG OKAY.

I’ve seen a lot of people saying things like “uGh thE eNdiNG sUcKEd geTtiNg a hUG doEsN’T sOLvE aLL yOuR pRoBLeMs”. but in my opinion, that’s exactly the point. 

All throughout the second half of SUF, they’re trying to show us that there is no one way to feel immediately better and have all of your problems solved. He goes to pretty much every source he can. The gems aren’t necessarily seeing what he’s going through, Connie isn’t going to solve this for him, his Dad is helping in an unhelpful way, so he goes to Jasper and that went haywire, so he goes to the diamonds and they just make it worse. And then what is he supposed to do?

Every single time Steven goes to a person to “help” him, he’s going to them seeking help in order to fix it. and there’s a big difference between the two. 

I have anxiety, depression, and OCD, and often when I’m panicking or having moments of high anxiety, I do what Steven did: I seek out people not to help me, but to fix it for me. I then react the same way Steven did - with anger - when people try to help instead of just fixing it.

Anxiety, depression, panic, none of those things can be completely and magically cured and rid of in the snap of a finger. But in the moment, for people like me, for a person like Steven, the thought of that feeling not being entirely solveable is petrifying.

 It’s like if someone is drowning and splashing around: you can’t get the life ring around them because of how much movement and commotion they’re creating. But they’re drowning, so you can’t just tell them “Hey, stop moving so I can help you!” From your perspective, you’re trying to help them by encouraging them to do something that will in turn allow you to help them. But to that person, if they stop flailing, they’re going to sink even further, and that is terrifying, so much so that they can’t even consider that you might be wanting to help them. All they can process is that you told them to stop doing the one thing that they don’t want to do: sink. Even if they’re sinking just for a moment, before you save them, that doesn’t matter. That feeling of sinking is terrifying, so they end up splashing around more. 

When Steven seems to be babbling on, almost comedically, in “Everything is Fine”, trying to convince himself he’s fine, he’s gotten to a stage that I was in for a while, a sort of mania, where he is not only attempting to convince everyone around him that he’s fine, he has convinced himself that he is fine. This is a huge red flag for people with bipolar disorder or manic depression (NOT diagnosing Steven, I am not a professional, I’ve just experienced many of these things and been surrounded by people experiencing these things and professionals explaining them to me. Like I said, I was in the hospital for this, so). Everyone around him starts to see that he is, in fact, not fine, as they’ve already surmised. But the physical consequences of them not doing anything, not doing enough, are starting to manifest.

When he morphs into the Steven Worm, he has lost his sense of self. He doesn’t know what to do with himself, he can’t exist within himself with the world he’s created. He didn’t tell the Gems about the hospital, he didn’t tell his dad he was angry, he didn’t actually tell Connie he needed her he just proposed. He doesn’t know what to DO with all of this. So it explodes around him.

He can’t control his feelings, himself anymore. He feels he’s lost control. For me, a human, this morphs into a panic attack. But for him, he’s a gem, he turns into Steven Worm.

Not even the diamonds, the most powerful beings in the entire Gem universe, are incapable of changing him. His emotions bring White Diamond to her knees. But what they’re doing wrong here is they’re trying to fix him!

When Connie bolts in on Lion and is making her (iconic) rallying cry, she never says they need to fix Steven or heal him; she says they need to help him. Because that’s the only way he can get better.

When you go to the psychiatric hospital, you don’t go to get fixed. You’re in an environment where you’re made so you’re not a physical danger to yourself, and then you do a shit ton of work. You have therapy multiple times a day, every day, all week. You do work, they don’t just fix it for you. And this is the solution that we need to see portrayed. This is the solution they did portray in SUF.

Mental health disorders can’t be fixed. And Steven’s problems weren’t solved with a hug. 

But we needed to see the hug. Because Steven needed to see the hug.

The hug wasn’t just about hugging him. It was about literally forcing him to come face-to-face with the love and support he had been inadvertenly, and then intentionally, pushing away. It forced him to say, “Okay, this is who I am right now. And these people love me.”

I had to have the people in my life tell me over and over that they loved me when I went to the hospital. I had to have my doctors tell me that they cared for me, my therapist tell me that I wasn’t talking too much, because I didn’t believe them. I had convinced myself I wasn’t worthy, I was a fraud, just like Steven. Sometimes you need that love in your face, surrounding you so that it is the only thing you can see, for you to be able to let it in. 

The hug didn’t fix everything! That’s the big thing. The hug was a pure, beautiful moment, but I don’t believe it was meant to be a plot device to try to fix everything. Everyone was still emotional, he still destroyed things, he scared people, he scared himself. That wasn’t all magically fixed because of the hug. But his resolve to do the work, get help, and accept what happened to him - that is what made him go from Worm Steven to Boy Steven.

And afterward, we seen Steven has grown. He hasn’t morphed, his hair hasn’t changed, he’s not pink. But he’s grown mentally. He’s communicating more making plans, his disposition has changed.

Previously on this post, I said" I don’t like that they called what he had a meltdown (again, I vouch that it was a gem version of a panic attack)" However, I learned that this is actually a really good term to describe what Steven experienced, and as a person in my ask box (@a2Ieep) noted, could be relevant to the headcanon/idea that Steven is autistic, or at least autistic-coded, as well as his PTSD or cPTSD. None of us can diagnose Steven but that also means I shouldn't just pass off terminology like that! I realized it gave people who self-identify as autistic, the same feelings it gave me as I struggle with panic and anxiety. While we surmise different meanings from the meltdown, it was a meltdown. We all feel so touched by it, and Steven's meltdown felf like a panic attack to me, that doesn't mean it isn't a meltdown, and that it can't be meaningful to someone else with autism or PTSD. Steven's meltdown is just as meaningful to someone who has autism or PTSD, as it is to me with panic attacks. Erasure of someone else's feelings on my part was not okay, regardless of my intent or my own strength of different feelings. Plus, it was his choice to use that term. I just want to make it clear that at first I didn't like the term, but it is actually a really important term to use. I didn't expect the post to blow up like this, so I wanted to make this edit known and seen as it's a really important of this post. Thank you to everyone for understanding! And thank you to @tentacrocacles @transtistic @satoshigekk0uga @mercurialmeditator @possumpiebruh and @a2leep for sharing their feelings ans thoughts with me, which helped me to realize this and investigate and alter my own sentiments!

but YALL STEVEN HAS A THERAPIST NOW! He’s is not only getting the help that he needs, he is showing that he is going to continue needing this help, and that’s okay! He’s making plans to visit people, to go see the world, on his own terms! 

 He’s scared and sad of leaving the gems, and it’s also time to leave the gems. It’s time to move on, and be a new Steven.

We’ve seen a lot of Stevens the past few weeks. But Steven driving off past the Big Donut into the night was my favorite Steven. That was vulnerable Steven. That was Steven doing the work to be himself, to exist with his feelings and the ways he had acted, and the things he had gone through. That was my boy. Steven Universe.

When I saw my mom for the first time while I was in the hospital, the first thing she did was give me a big hug (I was a blubbering mess, of course). But it wasn’t just that my mom was giving me a hug. She was telling me she was there for me, she loved me, she was telling me she would stay up on the phone with me as long as the doctors would let me, she would drive 3 1/2 hours from our home in Michigan to the hospital in Ohio at a moments notice (I went to school in Ohio and went to the hospital there too before coming home). That hug was her forcing me to see that she was there for me, even if I didn’t believe it, or didn’t want to believe it.

So yeah, Steven got a hug. But it was a lot more than a hug, okay? Take my word for it

[ikeromantic]

Hello, hope you’re having a good day<3 was thinking if you’d be in the mood to write a lil angst of the mc grieving/missing her parents/siblings back in the future and Masamune or Ieyasu or Yukimura or someone comforting her?

Ok, so you must know I'm a softie for Masamune. He was my first warlord. Approx. 1000 words of Masa hurt/comfort.

Masamune caught a glimpse of the chatelaine down one of the long hallways in Azuchi castle. He didn’t think she’d caught sight of him yet. She was looking out a window onto the courtyard, her attention fully on whatever was out there. After missing her through the day, it was the perfect chance to surprise her.

He crept forward like a hunting cat until she was within reach. Then with no warning Masamune swept her up in his arms and spun her around. He was grinning widely right up until he caught sight of her tear-streaked face. It hit him like a bucket of cold water.

“Lass. What happened?” He set her on her feet and pulled her into a hug.

She sniffled, rubbing her with her hands to wipe away the tears. “Nothing. I’m . . . I’m fine. Nothing happened.”

Masamune set his chin on top of her head. “Hm. She says nothing happened, but I see tears on her cheeks. Strange how nothing makes her cry.”

“Masa! Your chin is pointy!” She wriggled around in the cage of his arms until he lifted his head.

“Is it? Huh.” He looked down at her still damp eyelashes and red-rimmed eyes. “You done with your work for today?”

She nodded. “I finished a little wh-aaah!”

Masamune picked her up. He might not know what made her cry, yet, but he knew a cure-all.

“Put me down. I mean it. Masamune! If you don’t put me down, I’m going to bite you!”

He chuckled. “Go ahead then. You never know, I might like it.”

Her soft hand smacked at his shoulder, which only made him laugh more. His lovely lass had no heart for real threats.

When they got to the kitchen of his manor, he set her down. “You sit there.” He pointed. “And talk to me.” Masamune held up a hand. “You don’t have to tell me what’s bothering you unless you want to. Just talk. About anything.”

Her lips were pressed in an adorable pout, and he wanted to kiss them. But if there was anything she’d taught him, it was that kisses had to be timed right to be fun. So he turned to the counter and got to work.

After a moment, she sat where he directed. Her annoyed huffs settled and she began to tell him about her day. “First thing this morning, I find out one of the maids almost set fire to a storage shed. We had to re-arrange the other sheds to move all the items over so the burned one can be fixed. And then I get notified Nobunaga is receiving guests and I swear no one - no one! - told us ahead of time. So we’re scrambling to get a proper welcome together. You know, rooms and food and so on . . .”

Masamune listened intently. He loved to hear her chatter about whatever was on her mind. The minutiae of her day mattered to him because it concerned her. But none of this explained the tears.

“And then when the poet and their entourage arrived, a whole two days early, I might add, I - I,” she fell silent. Then, in a softer voice, “I realized what today was. My mom’s birthday. And it hit me that I will never get to celebrate it with her again. That she probably thinks I’m dead and I can’t, I can’t even -” Her words dissolved into a sob.

“It’s alright lass. Cry it out.” Masamune set down his kitchen knife and knelt beside her. He held his arms open and let her reach for him. She buried her face in his shoulder and wept. Her body shook as the emotions boiled out of her in a torrent of hot tears. All he could do was hold her.

She clung to him, even when she could speak again. Her voice was thick and hoarse from all the crying. “I miss them so much. My mom and dad. My best friends. Sometimes . . . sometimes I want to see them again so much that my chest hurts. As if my heart was literally torn.”

Masamune understood the pain she was talking about. He’d felt it too when his father died. But this was different. Her parents still lived, only they were separated by centuries. Unreachable.

“I love my life here,” she murmured. “I do. But . . . the cost is so high. I wish I didn’t have to trade them for - for this life.”

She’d been about to say ‘you.’ He felt the word from her lips, though she’d changed it. Masamune knew he was the reason she’d chosen to stay in the Sengoku. Maybe not the whole reason. He wasn’t so egotistical as that. But he was a big part of it. The love they’d found, impossible as it was, had come at a high price for her. She gave up everything. Everyone. Just to be with him.

“I’m sorry, lass.” He kissed the top of her head. “I’d do anything to give them back to you.”

“I know,” she sighed. Her arms wrapped tighter around him. “I’m not - I don’t want to give you up. Not you, not any of my friends here. But it still hurts. I wonder sometimes if it will ever stop.”

Masamune could not reassure her. They said that time could heal all wounds, but he knew how deep the wounds of loss ran. So deep that even years later he mourned his father as if his death were yesterday. “All you can do,” he said finally, “all you can do is keep living.”

She nodded. “It doesn’t feel like this all the time, you know? I just have to get through it.”

“Right. And I am here to hold you if you need it. Anytime you need it. You know that?”

“I do.” Her lips curled in a barely-there smile. “Now . . . what are you cooking? Because I’m hungry. And you know they say good food heals the heart.”

“I know,” he chuckled. “If you want, you can help me make dumplings. This is a recipe for sweet and spicy ones. Just like you.”

She pressed a kiss to his smiling lips. A gentle, slow kiss that told him she still loved him, even through the pain of her loss. And he kissed her back with the same aching tenderness. Neither mentioned the tears that shone in both their eyes as they stood and began to cook together. And if the laughter was a little stiff at times, the smiles laid over damp cheeks, that was alright.

[twistedmusings]

Congratulations Rin-san! Your writings are amazing you deserve them

As for the prompt drabbles, may I have ["You came back." "I promised, didn't I?"] for Floyd/gn!MC ? Thank you in advance 💕

A/N: You know what I love? Fluff scenarios that start with angst. I love it. It’s like eating ice cream and getting brain freeze only for the next bite to literally cure your depression. I hope this way okay q wq 

Warnings: None! 

Floyd Leech 

Floyd wondered just what Shrimpy was doing right now. 

They usually popped around the Monstro Lounge around this hour. With arms full of books and a tired smile that spoke of staying over until closing time to finish an assignment. 

An assignment that would end up forgotten as Floyd ignore all his responsibilities to sit down and talk with them. 

Shrimpy was one of the few reasons he sometimes went to classes. Nevermind trying to tease Goldfish or finding another forgotten anemone that needed to be squeezed, if Floyd’s eyes landed on his Shrimpy’s figure he would drop whatever he was doing and trot over to wrap them up in his arms. 

When was the last time he had even given a hug? 

Right. In the Mirror Chamber. 

After Shrimpy told him that they would come back. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t believe them but Floyd was not stupid. He wasn’t one to raise his expectations or believe that the impossible could happen. Besides he had tried. He had even gone and made a contract with Azul to try and get Shrimpy back to Twisted Wonderland! But Azul would only shake his head and say that Floyd knew better than anybody that he wasn’t a miracle worker. 

 So that is where he is at, with his head on the Monstro Lounge bar while all these dumb emotions made him feel like he had just gotten beached.

“Floyd.” 

A pen is placed on the top of his head, Floyd grunting as he hears his brother’s voice. 

“Did you finish your report?” 

He just grunted in reply to his brother’s question, which earned him a prolonged sigh. 

“It’s due tomorrow. If you don’t turn it in Mr.Crewel will--” 

Hands slam down on the low lit bar, Floyd raising his head and letting out a frustrated scream. 

“AH! I DON’T CARE! I DON’T CARE ABOUT SOME STUPID PAPER OR WHAT DOGFISH-SENSEI WILL SAY! I JUST WANT SHRIMPY BACK.” 

Jade blinks at the sudden outburst of emotion, shaking his head as Floyd scratches at his. 

“Floyd. They’ve been gone for six months.” 

The merman rolls his eyes, what a nice doting brother he had.

“Shut up Jade.” 

“What I’m trying to say is that you are going to have to pick yourself back up. You are about to enter your third year--” 

Jade’s teeth click shut as Floyd let’s out another scream. 

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP! I DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE! EVERYTHING HAS BECOME SO BORING NOW THAT SHRIMPY IS GONE. I’M DONE! TELL AZUL THAT I’M QUITTING.” 

“Well isn’t that unfortunate.” Azul’s voice rang out through the Lounge, “Guess I get to keep the gift I got for you to myself, right Floyd?” 

Floyd grits his teeth as he turns around to cuss out his former ‘boss’, doing his best to channel all of his sadness and loneliness into rage. If he did that then surely he wouldn’t cry...

Yet all of that tension and anger melted as he looked into your eyes. 

Azul smiled as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders, “Well [Y/N]-san? Does that mean you are my present now?” 

You were about to retort with a witty remark, having thought of one ever since Azul had sent you off to your own world with a rather sarcastic comment. This was payback time! 

But your vision was immediately blocked, arms pressing you against a broad and warm chest as Floyd immediately hugged you and dragged you as far away from Azul as he possibly could. It was you, after all. Floyd dragged you all the way back to his seat while his arms kept you firm against him. 

There wasn’t any way that this wasn’t you. The way you laughed as you pressed your palms against his chest in an effort to pull him away. You would always do that when he distracted you and the pressure felt so familiar that it almost brought Floyd to tears. 

It was you. It was you! 

“Floyd.” 

Your voice. Floyd didn’t want to admit it but he was starting to forget it. If he had forgotten the way you called out to him, then he really wouldn’t have known what to do. 

He pulls you away from him slowly, his arms sliding down to your waist so that he can still keep you pressed to him. You looked up at him with a soft smile, reaching out to cup his face in his hands as he pushed into your touch. 

“...you came back...” 

How pathetic. His voice was cracking. You, however, barely paid attention as you brought him down to kiss his eyelid, helping one tear finally trail down Floyd’s cheek. 

“I promised, didn’t I?” 

That’s right. You promised. How could Floyd think that you wouldn’t go through with your promises? You were the most interesting thing he had ever met, after all! 

Only you could surprise him like this. 

[anothertimdrakestan]

2 Times Jason Todd Took Your Breath Away (Jason Todd x Reader)

this is for the ppl who requested jason todd x super!reader fics!

words: 1.4k 

1.

“I thought we were city heroes, why the hell am I trekking through a forest?” you whisper-yelled into your comm, but Tim was having none of it. 

“You know as well as I do that we’ve gotta win this shit, best team remember?” you rolled your eyes, but agreed nonetheless. It was the once-every-three-years trip when the supers and bats were forced to go on a “family” trip. The term family is used quite loosely by the bats but your family was quick to coin it as the family trip even against Bruce’s disgust. 

“Um, I think I’ve got sight of a flag, oh- yup! Blue flag spotted let’s fuck ‘em up.” Kon came over the comm, you’d gotten paired with the love birds for capture the flag, but it was fine because your team was way overpowered, which meant when you won you’d get the pick of the night's dinner. The goal was to capture as many flags as possible without losing your own. 

“Okay, stealth mode get the flag, y/n head back to base, if there’s no one at blue it means they’re going for the rest of us which is a code 2 alarm, especially with Todd and Dami on the blue team.” you suppressed a laugh at the literal make-believe codes Tim had decided on for this game, for the bats this game held some sort of bragging rights, but for you Kon it was just a chance to stretch your legs. 

As Kon secured the blue flag you knew your team had won, Tim was at home base sitting on 2 other flags, and there was no shot anyone was getting past him. Strolling back through the woods you picked up on the light breathing on someone to your left. Whipping your head to the side you saw your own green flag waving in a pair of gloved hands. 

“What the fuck?” you paced up to the tree. “Little birdie forgot to watch their own nest!” Jason’s laughter bubbled up as he twirled the little green cloth on it’s wooden stick. 

“I- I wasn’t even at base? Isn’t Tim there?” you tried to play innocent, knowing if you got close enough you could snatch the flag and run. “Mhm he was, but he was too busy talking to Kon to notice me,” you inched closer, trying to look upset, “No fair! They’re always distracted.” you pouted, looking up at Jason who nodded in agreement. “So distracted,”

In what felt like a flash you were suddenly pinned to the ground, the air knocked clean out of your lungs. “GO GO GO!” Jason shouted; from your position flat on the ground you tilted your head to the side, watching Damian and Jon book it from your base towards theirs, a blue flag in Jon’s hands. 

“Brats!” you called after them. With a breathless sign you brought your head up, face to face with Jason. There were black lines on each of his cheeks, and his hair was pushed back by a makeshift blue cloth he’d clearly ripped from the collar of his shirt, as it was ragged and ribbed from where he’d ripped it apart.

His face was just an inch from yours, warm breath fluttering on your lips. “Always too distracted y/n” he whispered with a grin, eyes flitting down to your lips which were parted, gasping for air. 

You knew you could overpower him and stand up, his weight wasn’t fully crushing you, like he wanted to know if you’d stand up and leave.

You didn’t. There were far more fun things to do on the forest floor.

2.  

You used to be scared of heights. It was the dumbest thing too, a superhero with the ability to fly scared of falling? Your brothers had given you the most shit, especially when Jon was up in the clouds before you were flying above three story buildings. But you proved time and time again that you can be a damn good superhero and not fly like a plane- or whatever the old saying was. 

You’d gotten better, months of forcing yourself to jump off varying heights just to prove you could fly, sometimes even hitting the ground just to assert that you wouldn’t even go splat if you tried, but it wasn’t ever really rational was it? Most fears aren’t.

Jason knew too, you guys weren’t exactly “dating” more like just being friends that do whatever friends do, it was easier that way. You’d gotten into a rhythm of visiting Jason after the sun set in Metropolis, swiftly sailing through city streets once all the lights were off. That’s how you’d landed perched on a lower roof in Gotham, sharing milkshakes and trying to point out stars through the Gotham haze. 

“So this isn’t scary? We aren’t too high up?” Jason sat up, scooting forwards to dangle his feet off the ledge of the building. You sat up, letting your own feet hang, “not terrifying, there’s like butterflies in the stomach at the thought of falling, but I guess I know I’ve tested my ability to catch myself from here,” you explained, looking down at the sidewalk as your stomach did somersaults. 

“Well, okay. Look at that building, how high up could you got before it’s too much?” he pointed to a Gotham skyscraper. Taking a gulp you assessed its height, “right there, sixth story, god that’s only like halfway up.” you mused, shaking your head at the thought.

“Cool, let's go then.” Jason snatched your drink out of your hands and grappled towards the top story of the building with light-hearted laugh. Your first reaction was to stand up, starting after Jason as he grappled higher, and higher, and higher, focussing solely on the familiar frame of one of your closest friends, and- suddenly you were standing at the top of a Gotham skyscraper. 

“How the fuck am I up here right now,” you felt your knees buckling, your breath was staggered. Jason was at your side, letting you lean on him while he tilted your chin up to the sky. 

As you looked up you leaned more into his embrace, your head resting on his shoulder as you looked at the stars. 

“It’s beautiful,” you whispered, unable to fathom how beautiful they looked up close, god you were so high up you felt like you could reach out and touch the stars. But it wasn’t scary, because you had your rock there to ground you. 

“There is so much more to see up here, so much beauty, why not fly a little higher?” Jason’s voice was deep and full, as you met his eyes you realized they’d been solely on you. With your face getting increasingly warm you let yourself hover just a little bit, trying to swallow the nerves as Jason took your hand, leading you to the very edge of the building. 

“I’ve gotcha, look I won’t let go, just go a little further.” Jason was smiling, taking both your hands in his as he spun you towards the air. Letting yourself float with his support you focused on his eyes, trying to breathe as you know the only thing beneath your feet was air. “You’re doing so good, I’m so proud of you,” he whispered, letting the silence of your achievement soak into your soul. 

You could feel your hands shaking in his, but you mustered your strength to look down, noticing just how far you were from the ground. 

“I’m doing it.” you said, almost astonished at your own feat. “No one ever doubted you except yourself.” Jason replied, letting go of one of your hands to twirl you in the air. With a giggle you allowed yourself to spin, it felt like power was soaking into you, you’d gone from feeling the air sucked out of you to truly breathing for what felt like the first time in your life. 

Confident with your power, you let go of his hand, steadying yourself with a grin. Jason’s hands covered his mouth as he let out a strangled noise of pride as you began to twirl around in the sky. 

Rushing up to him you crushed him in a hug, unable to show your gratitude. He hadn’t fully cured you, your hands were still shaking, but it felt so good to know you could fly as high as you wanted and there was always a person to turn to, a person to call home.

~

short n sweet! hope you enjoyed :) 

[novamirmirsblog]

So stay with me

Word count: 1957

Request: Yes

Genre: ANGST

Warnings: DEATH. SADNESS. Like there is literally no silver lining.

A/N I've done the foster system based off how it is where I live. I don't know what it's like for other countries so I apologise if it isn't quite the same for where you live :3 ALSO I'm going to put the request elsewhere because in order for the full unhappiness, you must experience it like this 😈

When you first entered the S.H.I.E.L.D training programme, you had been hand picked by Fury himself. You were bouncing from foster home to foster home at the time, causing general trouble by stealing, fighting and lashing out at anyone and everyone. You had no real direction. You knew you were most likely to end up on the streets - sure your social worker would still check in occasionally after you had aged out of the system but there were more and more kids being given up. Realistically, you knew you were on your own. When you reached 13 you knew that no one was going to adopt you. Especially when there were babies and young children available. Deep down, you had figured it out when you were around 9 but you clung to the naive hope that you were wrong.

~~~~~

Fury found you when you were 15 but didn't take you in until you were 17. It was the day after your 17th birthday when he turned up at your foster parent's door. He said he wanted to take you for a military programme and you packed your bag before he had even finished his speech.

You went through years of intense training and passed top of your class for everything. It was surprising considering you had never been first before. What was more shocking was the need for praise. You had always believed that you didn't need it. You had never had it before, so why is it a necessity. You realised how wrong you were when Maria took you to the side and told you that you had done well. The comment replayed in your head for months.

~~~~~

You were 23 when you first joined the Avenger's initiative. 23 when you first met Natasha. The two of you didn't hit it off to begin with, Natasha didn't like how reckless you were and you didn't like how far the stick was shoved up her arse. Truth was, you both liked each other a little more than just friends but neither of you knew how to deal with these emotions. Let's face it, Natasha grew up being told 'love is for children' and you grew up in the system where the cracks were so big elephants fell through them. The team could see it though.

"Just ask her out." Wanda told you while sitting on your bed painting her nails.

"Who?"

"You know exactly who. I can read your mind and your thoughts are very loud."

"No. Your information is wrong." Wanda grabbed your hand, painting the left one first.

"Y/n just ask Natasha out. She'll say yes."

"I hate her. We're enemies."

"Some say you have to love someone to hate them and besides" Wanda paused, gauging your reaction "You wanting to bend her over a table doesn't sound very enemy like."

Heat rose in your cheeks and you prayed nothing gave you away. "Untrue. I want to do that in an enemy way."

"Sureeee..."

From then on, you were extremely careful to keep your thoughts quiet. Especially when you had to watch Natasha train.

~~~~~

It was Natasha who asked you out. At first you thought she was joking and very nearly laughed but then you saw how she was standing, how she said 'will you go out with me' with such nonchalance that it was as if she was asking you to pass the ketchup. No one could be that cool and collected. It was the way she even played slightly with her fingernails that showed you she was nervous. You of course said yes.

That was the beginning of your relationship and you had been going strong for a good five years. The nausea and tiredness however, started three years into your relationship. Natasha used to joke that maybe you were pregnant when it had first started happening, the others laughing at even the thought of you cheating on Natasha. The jokes died down when after a month and a half of running to the bathroom, it finally affected your missions. You were sent right off to Dr Cho and no one would have anything else said on the matter. You had tried to fight them, of course - it really wasn't that bad. All you needed to do. was take some anti-nausea medication and you would be fine.

Leukaemia

You knew that one little word would do so much damage to your strange family if they ever found out. You sat in silence as you formulated a plan, Dr Cho just watching you, letting you process. What was the point in telling your family and causing them pain if the treatment plan Dr Cho had lined out for you worked? There wasn't. That's why you kept it a secret. Why you brushed off any comments about your increased nausea, or your lack of hunger. The only person who knew was Fury.

~~~~~

"Are you cheating on me?" Natasha had cornered you after a particularly tough session of chemotherapy. All you wanted to do was sleep.

"No. Why would you think that?" Words were hard to say when you had to put all your energy into just standing up.

"You go out at all times of the day and night, you're too damn tired to do anything and you never talk to me anymore Y/n... If you wanted to break up you didn't have to cheat."

You knew this day would come eventually. It was a year into your treatments and none of them seemed to be working. Natasha wasn't stupid. It's why you kissed her on the head and pulled her into the tightest hug you could muster.

"I would never do that. I love you Natasha Romanoff. I'll explain but let me get everyone here." You asked F.R.I.D.A.Y to call everyone down to the living room.

Once everyone was settled on the sofas and chairs, you sat on the coffee table, no longer being able to hold yourself up.

"I have leukaemia."

At first, you couldn't bring yourself to look at the others. You didn't want their pity but you knew they wouldn't be able to show anything else. You looked at Natasha first. You knew she wouldn't have a pitying look on her face.

You were right.

Natasha looked furious. How dare someone who didn't even want you in their lives give you a horrible disease. She knew your chances of survival weren't good but there were treatments that could help. She had more than enough money to get whatever treatment necessary.

Tony spoke first. "I'm going to my lab. FRIDAY, contact Dr Cho. I need Y/n's medical details."

Bruce followed quickly behind him. The others gave you sad but hopeful smiles. You couldn't bring yourself to tell them there was little hope.

~~~~~

Natasha had been gone on and off for 6 months. You knew your time was coming to a close but she still hadn't given up. She was always in some country following a lead for some experimental drug to try and cure you.

But there was no cure.

Not for this. Maybe one day there would be a cure, but not in your lifetime. The cure wouldn't be able to save you.

You were almost hesitant to let Natasha come back. It had been a while since she had seen you and now you looked like paper. You were thin and fragile and your skin had lost it's colour and took on a grey tinge. Your cheeks were hollow and your lips were constantly chapped and the only thing you could stomach were tiny meals and energy drinks.

You were dying.

Everyone had come to terms with it. Tony and Bruce never stopped trying to find a cure, it just wasn't for you anymore. Wanda tried her best to keep you as comfortable as she could with her powers and Steve would come and tell you stories of before he was put in the ice to entertain you. Clint would bring his kids until it got too painful for them to see you turn from the scariest, coolest person they knew into a hollow shell.

The only person who hadn't come to terms with it was Natasha.

"Nat she needs you." Steve told her when the team were all eating.

"I know. I really think this time this lead will be the one. Then she can be fixed and-"

"Natasha." Wanda cut her off, her voice dangerously low. She had heard this speech so many times that it was painful to hear it again. "She needs you. She's dying and you need to accept it. You don't have much longer left with her and you're abandoning her when you should be with her 24/7!" Wanda's eyes glowed slightly red as she thought of all the times she had to watch her best friend realise the love of her life wasn't there with her. The cutlery began to shake a little and something fell over in the kitchen.

The crash that you heard woke you up. Maybe it was Natasha. You hobbled out of what was supposed to be your shared room, and made your way to the kitchen. By the time you had reached the kitchen, everyone was fighting. There was food being thrown, knives being grabbed and glasses shattering everywhere. You just stood there as your best friend and your girlfriend attempted to kill each other.

"guys stop." Your throat hurt from hours of throwing up so your voice didn't carry.

"guys really..." You tried again, tears forming in your eyes. You didn't want to spend your last days watching your loved ones fight.

"FRIDAY tell them to stop. please."

"Miss Y/l/n would like you all to stop. Now."

Everyone turned to the doorway where you were standing, horrified that you saw them fighting.

"Y/n, you need to get to bed sweetie." Wanda walked over to you, wrapping her arm around your waist.

"Don't touch her." Natasha stormed over, taking your other side.

"Ladies there's no need to fight. You can share right?" You let out a soft laugh and watched as they both melted. Just because you were dying, it didn't mean you lost your sense of humour.

They both took you back to your shared room, Wanda leaving to give you and Natasha some privacy.

"Please don't go anymore." You laid with your head on Natasha's chest, her hand stroking your hair.

"But I'm so close. I can cure you Y/n."

"Natty please. I can tell I don't have much longer left and I don't know if I'll still be here for when you come back if you leave again."

"But I can't lose you." Natasha whispered, scared that if she spoke any louder, some other power would hear her and take you away from her too soon.

"So stay with me."

~~~~~

It was strange, you thought, lying on your bed; you had always thought you would die doing something spontaneous, or maybe in the field. Not because your cells were abnormal. Natasha had spent every moment with you since she returned 5 months ago. You had planned everything; your funeral, little messages to each of them, where to bury you. Everything was sorted. All that was left now, was to die.

It was an ordinary Wednesday afternoon when you felt the last drops of life drain from you. You knew it was time and so you turned to Natasha who had you wrapped up in her arms, placing a hand on her face, the rest of the Avengers all sitting there quietly.

“When the time is right, we’ll be together again. I’ll always be with you.” You then let your eyes drift shut, never to open again. Not in this world, anyway, but perhaps in the next.

A/N pt 2: NOOO BUT WHY AM I CRYING. THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT WAY AROUND. We've got some Peggy Carter fluff coming up soon tho :)

Also here is the request:

A Natasha x fem!reader. Reader was one of THE best shield agents and a great member of the avengers, but sadly had genetic cancer. After fighting for two years, with nausea, pain, and no improvement, reader knew she was dying. She didn’t want to admit it, especially after all the team has done to help her, especially her girlfriend, Natasha Romanoff. No amount of treatment or amount of money or technology Tony had was gonna save her. In the end, reader comes to terms with it. But Natasha doesn’t want reader to give up. Reader get through to Natasha that she wants to spend her last moments with her without putting more strain on her body. Natasha then comes to terms with it. Eventually, on readers death bed, surrounded by the rest of the avengers, Natasha is holding reader in her arms as reader says goodbye and looks to Natasha and says “When the time is right, we’ll be together again. I’ll always be with you” (GO NUTS AND MAKE IT ANGSTY)

[sleepysnk]

Hello can I request a Porco x fem reader Modern Au where they are in high school and Porcos like the bad boy football kind of guy and reader is just sweet and an adorable angel but they are good friends and Porco has a huge crush on reader but won’t admit it and their friends try to get them together but one day someone’s flirting with reader and she’s really shy and uncomfortable with it and Porc comes to the rescue and ends up confessing and they end up together

omg i literally LOVE this request 🥺 this was super fun to write and i hope you enjoy! thank you for requesting love ♡, Porco is definitely one of my favorites to write 💗!

What If I Told You I Love You?

Pairings: Porco Galliard x Fem!Reader

Warnings: None

Porco sat at the lunch table with his friends, the voices of his friends and other students filling his ears. The crowded lunchroom didn't distract him from what he was staring at, nothing could distract Porco from watching (Y/N), one of his closest friends.

He had met (Y/N) in middle school, she was being picked on by one of the rude popular girls and he came to rescue. He defended her that day and ever since then the two had been attached to the hip; he never left her side, and he even brought out a side of her that nobody else even knew existed. She was such a sweet girl, she had a heart of pure gold and Porco found that to be one of the many reasons he stuck around her.

Now being juniors in high school, things didn't really change. Porco was on the football team and (Y/N) was more into her studies; she was always doing her own thing. Even if her and Porco weren't as close as they used to be, they still talked on a daily basis.

Being friends with her for so long was something Porco cherished, he always cared for her no matter where he went. She would always clean him up after a football game or if he got into a scuffle with a guy, she was always there to help him, even if Marcel didn't ask her to.

While being friends Porco began to feel something more than just a friendship with her. He would always find himself being annoyed when a guy came around, or when she would mention a guy, he'd roll his eyes.

He fell for her, hard.

But he was too scared to ever go and admit it, fearing loosing her and the friendship they shared for years.

Here he was, clenching his jaw at the sight of a guy talking to her. The blonde was talking to her and they seemed to be having a conversation, considering how she kept giggling at his jokes and the way she would smile whenever the guy told her something.

It irked Porco so badly.

"Pock, you're staring again!"

His gaze ripped away from the sight before him to look at Pieck. She was nodding her head.

He scoffed, "Yeah whatever... that guy is clearly someone that looks like trouble," he said before crossing his arms.

Pieck giggled, "That's just Armin Arlert! He's a nerd and he would never go for (Y/N). He's a shy guy Porco," she said.

He rolled his eyes, how did she know that?

"Come on Porco you can't keep hiding it forever! You've liked her for so long, eventually you're gonna have to come clean." Colt said, shrugging his shoulders.

A blush crept onto his face thinking about her. It was something only (Y/N) could do to him. "It's fine! I'll do it eventually, I just need more time." he said.

"You said that four months ago, we've all heard that excuse!" Marcel replied, looking at his brother with annoyance. Marcel was the first one to know about his crush on (Y/N), he encouraged him to tell her, but Porco was too stubborn to admit it.

He fixed his jacket, "Just shut it! I'll do it when I want to.." he mumbled.

"Well she's coming this way," Pieck said.

Porco's head snapped up to see (Y/N) walking over to his table, she waved at him before stopping at the edge of the table. "Hey Porco.. I was wondering if you could walk me to the library?" she asked, smiling a bit.

He blinked for a moment, she always had a pretty smile. It could cure diseases, "Y-Yeah! Totally! I'm down," he replied. "I'll be back guys."

Marcel and Pieck exchanged looks as the two left the table. "He's such a stubborn ass.." Marcel mumbled.

(Y/N) and Porco made their way up the stairs, the library wasn't a far walk. She'd often find herself there during lunch to study for exams or tests she had coming up, Porco would always call her a nerd, jokingly of course.

"So, how's football been going? I know you almost got into a fight the other day with the rival team," (Y/N) asked, nodding her head.

Porco looked down at her, "What? You know about that? Ugh it was nothing (Y/N), but football has been fine. How are your classes?" he replied, rubbing the back of his neck. (Y/N) disliked the many fights he got into, sometimes she'd be the one breaking it up.

She giggled, "People talk Porco, even if I'm shy and quiet I always hear others talking. My studies have been okay.. I'm just a little stressed is all," she said.

Porco stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets, he saw a few students passing by seeming to be ditching. "Porco! Ooo! I see you with her!"

(Y/N)'s cheeks suddenly grew hot at the comment, Porco rolled his eyes annoyed with the boys in front of him. "Mind your own business," he mumbled before opening the doors to the hallway.

"What were they trying to say, Porco? I hope they weren't making fun of me.." she said, looking at the floor.

Porco furrowed his brows, "Oh! No, no! They do that sometimes.. that's all," he replied trying to reassure her.

The last thing Porco would ever want is someone picking on or making fun of (Y/N). She isn't exactly the type to stand up for herself, she's a quieter student and she's always been a nicer girl. She never talked back, always got assignments done, never got into trouble, she was overall an innocent girl.

That's why people found her friendship with Porco to be an odd pair. He was a jock, a bad boy, he got into trouble before, he was surprised (Y/N) even stuck around to be his friend.

'Opposites attract' as Pieck would say.

"Well we're here.. thank you by the way for walking me here. I kind of miss talking to you all the time," she said, her eyes avoiding him.

He chuckled a bit, "Yeah, yeah me too.. but I'm always here when you need me (Y/N). I'll always be your friend," he replied, putting his hand onto her shoulder.

"Could you maybe drive me home tonight? I have a club meeting after school and I don't think I have a ride back.." she said, nodding her head.

Porco shook his head, "Of course! I have practice until five, so it works out perfectly."

She smiled, "That sounds great! Thank you Pock," she said before hugging him.

His cheeks dusted pink from her touch, his arms going around her. "Yeah! Don't mention it," he replied with a smile.

She broke the hug, "See you later!" she waved before entering the library.

Porco stood there for a moment, his mind totally lost in what just happened. God did he yearn for her touch, her touch was almost intoxicating. She always smelled good too, like a vanilla and fresh baked cookies, it was one of the many reasons Porco loved being around her. Her aura always lit up his life.

If only he could just confess.

-

Practice ended fairly quickly that day, Porco was pretty exhausted. His muscles were sore from working out and all he wanted to do was go home to rest.

"I'll see you tomorrow Porco," Reiner said, patting his shoulder.

He looked up from his phone, "Yeah! See you, Reiner." he replied before walking down the hall.

His mind began to wander to where (Y/N) was. She told him her club meeting was over and she was waiting on him; maybe she was at her locker? He decided to send her a text and walk around for a bit, even though it wasn't exactly allowed.

He turned the corner and was met with an unexpected sight. There was (Y/N)... but there was a guy next to her, more specifically, Eren Jaeger. He played soccer and Porco hated him with every inch of his body, he was a stubborn asshole who got away with everything.

Porco listened in to the conversation, curious as to what was going on. Did they know each other?

"(Y/N) you're really pretty.. we need to go out sometime," Eren said, taking a piece of her hair and playing with it.

She didn't know what to say nor do, Eren had this grin on his face which made her nervous. "U-Um.. Eren I don't know.. w-we don't really know each other," she replied.

"Please? You're so sweet and cute, I just wanna treat you to something," he said, a pout visible on his features.

She avoided his gaze, she didn't know what to say or do. Eren clearly wasn't giving this up and she couldn't exactly walk away, it was Eren Jaeger for Christ's sake.

"Eren I-I.. um.." she mumbled.

His brows furrowed, "Come on (Y/N)! What? Do you think I'm going to do something? Pretty girls like you deserve the best," he smirked.

Her face clearly showed discomfort, Porco clenched his jaw watching the situation unfold. That's when he began walking forward.

"Hey (Y/N)."

She turned and looked at Porco making his way over, relief washing over her. "Hey Porco," she said with a smile.

Eren narrowed his eyes, "Sup Porco.." he said, looking at him with annoyance.

(Y/N) walked over to Porco leaving Eren by her locker.

"Sup Eren? I didn't know you two talked but uh.. we gotta get going. I'm driving (Y/N) home," Porco said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Eren clicked his tongue, "I see.. well my offer still stands (Y/N), see you later."

The two watched the way Eren walked down the hall and disappeared behind the doors.

(Y/N) let out a sigh of relief, "Thank you for that.. I didn't know what else to do to turn him away," she said.

Porco smiled, "Yeah! Don't worry about it, we should get going before he comes back," he chuckled.

She laughed and began to follow him down towards the exit of the school. It was dark out, it was October and the wind blew around the leaves on the ground; a few crunched under their feet. The air smelled crisp and fresh, just the way she liked it.

Getting into his car, (Y/N) noticed the way Porco was acting. He seemed more nervous and his body language seemed off.

"Pock?" she asked. "Is everything okay?"

His honey eyes peered over towards her, "Huh? Oh, yeah! I'm good. Why?" he replied.

She chewed the inside of her cheek, "You just seem a little off, are you sure?" she didn't necessarily believe what he had to say. She knew Porco like the back of her hand and she could tell when he wasn't telling the truth.

A sigh escaped his mouth, "If I tell you what's up will you be upset?" he asked.

She could see the seriousness in his eyes, "No of course not! Porco have I ever judged you?" she asked as her fingers brushed against his arm.

Sparks danced along his arm from her touch, it made his mind cloudy. "W-Well.. I'll explain the best I can," he said shifting around in his seat.

She nodded, "Go on.."

Porco's heartbeat began to pick up, he could feel it against his chest and his cheeks began to grow pink. This was it, he was about to confess.

"(Y/N).. we've been friends for awhile, and I enjoy hanging and talking with you; you never fail to make me smile and you impress me everyday with the things you do. What I'm trying to say is.. I like you. I like you more than just a friend and I want to be yours," he replied. "I know you don't feel the same.. but I really do like you (Y/N)."

It was silent for a few moments, Porco felt the worst coming for him. He knew she didn't feel the same, and he was okay with that.

"Porco.. that's really sweet of you," she said with a smile.

Her fingers ghosted over his hand which was on his lap, his heart quickening at the feeling of her skin touching his.

"I-I understand if it's weird... we don't have to be-"

"Porco no, no! I-.. I feel the same way about you. I like you too," she said, her voice coming out a bit quieter. Her cheeks now hot and embarrassment rushing onto her.

Porco's eyes grew wide after hearing her words, he wasn't exactly sure if she was bluffing or lying, but he knew she would never lie. That was something (Y/N) would never do to Porco.

"Y-You..? You like m-me back?" he asked.

She smiled feeling bashful, "Of course! You've always been nice compared to other guys... and I couldn't ask for someone better."

He opened his mouth to say something but he remained silent, taking in all the information.

"Hey.." she said, turning his face to look at her. "I want to be yours.. I trust you Porco and I like you so much."

He cupped her cheek, running his thumb along her skin. "I want you to be mine.." he said, looking into her hues.

Her fingers wrapped around his wrist, her eyes staring back into his honey ones. Porco leaned in and placed his lips onto hers, the kiss made sparks flow along his body. Her hands went to the skin underneath his jaw, tilting his chin up a bit.

A smile appeared on his lips as he pulled away to see her bashful face. "Let me make you mine, please, be my girlfriend (Y/N)." he said, taking her hand into his. He rubbed circles into her knuckles.

She looked away feeling her cheeks growing hot again, "Yes, yes of course Porco," she said, smiling at him.

He chuckled a bit, his heart swelling and his mind in a frenzy realizing what just happened. She actually liked him back, (Y/N) was now his and he was going to make the best of being her boyfriend.

"Porco.. we need to head to my house," she said, breaking him out of his trance.

He shook his head, "Oh! Yeah right.. my bad, you're just so amazing and I can't believe you're really mine now," he said, kissing her hand.

She giggled, "I'm glad I have you as my boyfriend.. you're all I ever wanted," she replied.

He turned his car on, "I could say the same to you."

The drive to her house was fun, the two talked about when their feelings developed and things they wanted to do together now being a couple. Porco felt as if a weight was lifted off his chest and he couldn't be happier, he couldn't wait to tell Marcel and the others.

He slowed the car in front of her house, "Well.. we're here," he said, looking at her.

She grabbed her backpack, "Thank you for the ride.. and thank you for being honest about your feelings. I'm glad," she said.

Porco rubbed the back of his neck, "It was nothing.. I'm glad you were honest too. I can't wait to show you what I've been wanting to do for so long," he replied.

She looked down feeling bashful again, "I can't wait to see that.." she smiled.

She leaned in and pressed a kiss onto his cheek which made his cheeks grow pink. "See you tomorrow," she said before exiting the car.

He smiled as he watched her head into her house, (Y/N) was now his girlfriend and he couldn't believe how well tonight played out. He was excited to start a new chapter, with her.

[iphoenixrising]

The Demon You Know

Day 1 Urban Fantasy AU | Magical/Supernatural Creatures | Time Travel

So, something a little off the grid for my first day of DickTim Week 2021. Special thanks to my wonderful babe @vellaphoria for the beta and the incredible peeps on the Capes and Coffee discord (looking at you @themandylion, @strawberryjei and others). Also need to show my undying love for @chippon because babe, we are making it work.

**

When the sun creeps up over the sky in Gotham, then it’s time to GTFO. Capes in the daytime aren’t the usual for the city, and Red Robin has been playing it too late, staying out far past O’s warning to bring it in for the night. So, really, he’s only got himself to blame.

His penthouse perch has seen more use in the last few months since, welp, Gotham and the fact he likes to get away from the team mentality sometimes, like to return to his roots and run the rooftops like when he was still that Robin. His trips to the Manor had become more frequent since B was back in the cowl and things in the family seemed to be returning to some semblance of normal. 

Well, as normal as it could get, really.

But all that goodwill and positivity is literally ghost. Red’s hands are shaky and his inner calm is absolutely blown. He’s ducking into his perch to throw his suit off, grab his duffle bag full of sundries and fake idents, then he’s going to hit the airport as fast as he can get a flight the hell out of town, away from the terrifying sight.

(He should just call Bart or Kon or Cassie, tell them he needs an out faster than he can arrange it himself, he needs to get away from–)

He knows he fucked up when the slight sounds, small and metallic in nature, make it past his pulse thumping in his ears.

Like a horror flick, he slowly turns as the front door gives a groan and is pushed open by a very familiar palm.

Dick’s blue eyes fall on him like a ton of bricks, on Red Robin’s feet frozen to the floor, his suit only half on, and no way he can get far enough to throw himself out a window.

Fuck.

“So,” Dick keeps his voice soft, footsteps easy as he steps inside Tim’s penthouse and closes the door behind him, “you finally found me out.”

Keeping his mouth shut in times like this has really saved his ass before, so Red doesn’t say a word, keeps every muscle in his body ready to spring for the right second –

Watching the would-be robber struggle in Dick’s grip, watching the light show brighten overwhelmingly, seeing what had to be-had to be feeding.

“I figured it would be you if anyone, actually, so I’m not really surprised, just… disappointed.” Dick continues softly, only in jeans and a t-shirt since Nightwing was oddly missing from the patrol roster last night.

And Red is apparently the only one that knows why.

“But that doesn’t mean I can just let you go, Timmy,” Dick isn’t stopping, his whole body lax while Red is wound tight, backing away from the man he thought he knew. “I really wish you hadn’t found out like this. I...I had other plans.” 

Whirlybirds and pellets aren’t going to help him here. Hand-to-hand and martial arts, aerial acrobatics, none of it is going to make a difference. 

His throat goes dry when Dick’s eyes get more and more blue, when his former mentor doesn’t stop advancing, and Red Robin is running out of room to back away.

“I tried to save you, Timmy. I tried so hard to get you away, out of Gotham, even if you went because you thought you had to find Bruce, I’m the one that gave you the compulsion to leave.” The low laugh is edged with something desperate, “why the hell couldn’t you stay away?”

“This is my city, just as much as Batman’s. You taking my fucking cape wasn’t enough,” Red Robin bites out, back thumping against the kitchen counter, realizing Dick had backed him into the corner. “How did you keep it from him? Constantine, Zatanna, all the magic users he has on speed dial and he never figured you out? No one in the JLA or Titans did?”

That makes Dick pause.

“He never had to. He knew what my parents were before they ever died, Timmy. Haley’s Circus came to Gotham regularly. Bruce always knew.”

The information blast hits him painfully, that Bruce didn’t bother to tell him and look at where they are now.

“And he didn’t try to help you?” Red, Tim, gapes at the still silhouette that used to be someone he thought he knew like he knew himself. Someone that’s always had this secret. “He didn’t try to –”

“Cure me?” Dick’s mouth lifts in a semblance of a smile Tim knows. “There is no cure for this, Timmy. It’s what I am. What my parents both were, the curse of the Romain Bababiljos. It’s unfortunate for me both of them were cursed, that just makes the...the hunger two-fold.”

And it’s just a few more steps, a raised hand that makes Tim flinch back, but only a fingertip taps the edge of the domino, makes the whiteouts raise.

Automatically, with everything he’s learned, studied, experienced about supernatural creatures, he ducks his head so he isn’t looking directly into those eyes. That doesn’t stop Dick from bracketing Tim in, both hands on the counter, their bodies a breath apart.

Dick laughs softly, close enough for Tim to feel the breath on his face. “The Titans...I never had to tell them. By then, I could control myself, at least mostly. The JLA? I’m one of the Batman’s proteges. I’ve been fighting crime since I was eight. They believe in me. There was never a reason for any of them to look too deeply past the surface.”

“Wh-what do you mean mostly?” Tim’s heart slams in his chest, “how many people have you killed, Dick?”

“Do you have any idea how awful the hunger is?” And the lower Dick’s voice goes, the harder Tim’s heart starts to pound. “Surviving on hugs and family affection is tantamount to starvation for someone like me. It’s so easy to kill someone during sex because the hunger is so much I can’t control it sometimes. Anyone I’m with is in danger.  That’s why I couldn’t stay with Babs, she’s too human. The one time I came close–” 

Dick breathes again and all Tim looks at is the span of throat, thinking of the soft, vulnerable parts, anything he can use to get the fuck away.

“–but I didn’t. I have...willpower sometimes. I drained her so close, though. She was-was so fragile, Timmy, and I was so hungry. I’d been starving for so damn long. She was hospitalized for longer than she’d been when the Joker shot her, and I said never again. But Wally and Kory were...different. I could go further with him without killing them, I could get more full than I’d been in a long time. It was still dangerous for them, but I was so far gone by the time...”

“They’re both still alive. Babs is still alive. Does she–?”

“Remember? Of course not. None of them do. I made sure of that, Tim, so none of them would be afraid of me.”  And the air changes when Dick gets closer, his eyes get brighter, and Tim almost chokes with the almost touch to his body under his suit. “But, you are going to be different, aren’t you? I’m not going to be able to convince your mind that what you saw was a dream.”

“So what? You’re going to make me “disappear”? You’ll give Bruce some sob story about how I got tired of the vigilante life and left for college or some shit? Going to bury me where no one will ever find me?” He isn’t looking at Dick’s face, can’t see his own end coming, can’t believe he’d put all his faith and belief in this man only to have it all come to this.

Tim laughs wetly, blinking rapidly, and everything suddenly comes together. “He won’t ever come looking for me anyway. You made sure of that when you made Damian your Robin. Nice plan, Dick. No one is going to give a shit if I’m never seen again anyway.”

And it’s stupid not to at least try, not to duck and kick out, trip up whatever Dick really is, to break a window and fucking run, try to get Bruce, Clark, Kon and Bart and Cassie, to get anyone to listen to him about what Dick really is, to try to save himself.

(If you’d never figured out Dick was Robin, if you never put yourself in front of him, you’d be safe now. Miserable but safe.)

Even if it’s his own brain pan spitting this out, he knows it’s bullshit. 

If he’d never approached Dick Grayson with proof Batman was losing his mind, Tim Drake wouldn’t have reached twenty-one. The way his life was going, he would have probably hung himself long before getting to this stage in his life. If he’d never had Bruce or Alfred or Dick or Steph, if he’d never had Robin, never had Young Justice or The Titans, if he’d never had the Clench, never felt the rumble under his feet as Gotham had fallen, if he’d never had the agony of losing everyone in his life, if he’d never had the drive to prove his adopted father was alive…

The civilian Tim Drake wouldn’t have had the strength to make it through life alive.

So if this is the way he goes out, if Dick is the one that ends it for him–

There’re worse ways to go.

He’s not going to be the Joker’s next victim or Ra’s al Ghul’s heir with a mix of Lazarus Pit crazy. The HIVE, the Light, the mass of aliens he’s fought, any number of Rogue Gallery thugs, none of them will be the ones to take him out.

But this?

His career as Robin started out with Dick Grayson, so maybe...maybe it’s fitting this is the way it all ends. 

He sucks in a breath and finally tilts his head up, looks up into those electric blue eyes, and lets his breath out so so slow.

Because Dick is looking at him with watery eyes, with a grimace, with something Tim can actually recognize.

But those eyes light up in his penthouse perch, take on a supernatural glow, Dick snatching his wrists in bigger hands, pulling Tim closer, the heat getting through layers of Kevlar and Nomex. And just like that, he can’t pull away, can’t pull back.

There’s no way to defend himself when Dick pulls him in, when he expects to get his throat ripped out, his neck snapped, something important crushed, for the darkness to take over and his heart to slow down to a sad, weak pitter patter.

He can’t defend himself when Dick kisses him, opens his mouth, and stuns him into going completely slack.

“I told you,” Dick growls softly when he pulls back, bends enough to get Tim laid out over his shoulder, “I had other plans.”

But Tim can’t reply, can’t do anything other than lay across Dick’s back as the Romani love deamon strides down the hallway and kicks open the bedroom door.

**

And if Tim Drake survives until morning, shocking the hell out of the both of them, staring up at Dick’s surprised face and glowing blue eyes, if the soft touch to his jaw contrasts sharply with the bruises and red marks blossoming all over his body from an intense night with his supernatural mentor and best friend, if Dick doesn’t whisper, “finally, finally, my mate,” before kissing him. 

If the power Dick drains from him doesn’t kill him, doesn’t do more than give him the most amazing span of unending multiple orgasms to ever happen, if Dick isn’t fully satisfied for the first time in his life. If Dick doesn’t call them both off patrol for the next three nights, carts Tim back to his apartment, refuses him clothes and computers and tech, tells the Titans they’re taking a break from crime fighting while Tim is tied and gagged in his bed, sated enough to listen hazily with half-mast eyes. 

If Dick doesn’t hand feed him while he’s getting feeling back in his legs (finally) and give him the full run-down about his parents. If the strange mark on his abdomen doesn’t get warm whenever Dick’s hand is on it, fingers tracing the edges, making those blue, blue eyes dilate in possessiveness. If Tim doesn’t eventually escape with his sanity intact and a little terrified how much his body craves only to have Dick chase after him with single-minded purposes to convince him they’re meant to be.

Then only the man with cameras all over Gotham, waiting and watching with bated breath and fear for his Robins, unmitigated relief when his theory proves true, would be able to give all the details.

[ruiyuki]

"Vanitas": The Name and Legacy

Vanitas declares early on that his motive for using the Book of Vanitas to save vampires of the Red Moon is to take "revenge against the Vampire of the Blue Moon". But some of his actions, reactions and expressions seem to contradict a conventional interpretation of "revenge". Seeing how MochiJun is a master of conveying things through facial expressions, nondescript panels, and double meanings, here's my stab at trying to figure out a bit of Vanitas' complexity and his (??hidden??) motives.

⚠️⚠️⚠️ MANGA SPOILERS, obv ⚠️⚠️⚠️

Also this analysis is really long. ‼Continuation in reblogs.‼

For the sake of minimizing confusion I'm going to refer to our!Vanitas as "Vani", Vampire of the Blue Moon (VotBM) as "Luna", and the name "Vanitas"/"Vanitas of the Blue Moon" as a title in this analysis.

0. "Revenge" against the VotBM

Now, what kicked me into this train of thought initially was watching the scene where Vani announces his revenge plot to all during the Bal Masque. Ofc Bones is doing quite a good job with the anime (I can honestly forgive them for leaving out some scenes knowing budget constraints and that this was probably produced during COVID; it's just more reason to get viewers to read the manga) but there are still some subtle nuances that MochiJun puts in her work that don't get translated into the adaptation. So I revisited Memoire 7 and something just didn't sit right upon looking at that scene retrospectively – which I'll get to that in a bit – but first let me recap what is my interpretation of Vani's proclamation:

The origin story we were told at the start of the series illustrates that vampires are typically born under the Red Moon, except for the one born under the Blue Moon. VotBM, given the moniker "Vanitas of the Blue Moon" by others at the time, is said to have created the Book of Vanitas capable of manipulating the World Formulas in order to curse all the RM vampires that casted them out of vampire society. Cursing the RM vampires = turning them into curse-bearers inflicted with malnomen.

Vani's "revenge" against the VotBM is to use their name "Vanitas" and the Book to cure all RM vampires of their curses and malnomen. In that sense, Vani saving the vampires is directly opposing the vow to curse all RM vampires as told in the VotBM origin story.

Vani's revenge claim seems pretty straight forward. There is nothing of the sort as to claiming he will turn the vampires into humans, or rewrite their existence into something they are not, etc. It is literally just "I will heal you from your sickness out of spite towards the thing that wants you to suffer". His feral revenge proclamation on top of the chandelier lines up with his feral "I will save you no matter what, using whatever method I choose" at the end of Memoire 1 as Noé points out:

So here's the thing that felt a little out of place upon my rereading of Memoire 7:

This panel. Idk about you but as a long time reader of Pandora Hearts, imo one thing that makes MochiJun such a talented artist and great storyteller of plot twists and angst is how she depicts emotions in facial expressions – it is very subtle with a certain finesse. With the above panel, Vani's expression doesn't necessarily look like "anger" or "vengeance" to me. Rather (and it took me a while to place it actually, flipping back and forth between newer and older chapters) his expression looks... melancholic? Melancholy with sense of conviction.

It's noteworthy that MochiJun has made an intentional choice to emphasize Vani gripping his closed fist and his distant stare here, so it has to be important. So, what could Vani be thinking of in this moment? And why?

I. Vani's hidden expressions and feelings towards Luna

To (attempt to) figure out what might be going through Vani's mind in this moment, let's take a look at some moments we've seen Vani making different expressions and when he's thinking back to the VotBM – or really, his time with Luna. Vani claims he hates vampires, but there are obvious exceptions (Jeanne, Noé). What's interesting though is that, despite claiming to hate the VotBM, I don't think he hates Luna. He may hate the being that Luna is but I don't think he hates Luna as a person.

We can see the difference between his hatred and active desire to kill Moreau, as well as his completely blank, no-remorse kinda expression toward the Chasseur's cross in the Catacombes arc vs the above panel after his revenge proclamation:

Also contrast the above chandelier expression to Vani's empty look of distain in Dante's flashback when they first meet:

I would say none of these Vani expressions look very similar to the chandelier one — the empty or blank stares are missing a sense of resolve and the teeth-gritting smirk lacks any bit of sadness felt in the scene. Now, when do we ever see Vani make another expression of what I would call melancholy?

Ughghgh these panels break my heart every time bc there is such a sense of sadness, it's distant but palpable and it is t r a g i c... but I digress.

We have no way of knowing what Vani is thinking in these panels but I have a few ideas:

Vani thinks back to something Luna said about how one should use the Book of Vanitas when Noé says using the Book's power to cure curse-bearers is "overwhelmingly right". What Luna said? Who knows, but it may be along the same lines of "despite its power" and "doing the right thing".

Vani realizes the reason Misha wants Noé to drink his blood is bc Misha doesn't remember what happened That Day. He repeats "... I see." twice as if he's reaffirming to himself that he's the only one left that remembers what happened. If Misha did remember, there would be another person to share the memory but Misha doesn't and Vani is alone in the world in that sense.

If we are to assume that this is what's going through Vani's mind in these moments, then we have to ask why? Vani thinking back to his time with Misha and Luna elicits this sadness (possibly likely?) bc Vani did truly enjoy his time with them and didn't actually hate Luna. In his own flashbacks of Luna teaching he and Misha about malnomen (first being Malnomen Prèdateur in the Catacombes arc, second of Chloé's Malnomen Millie) and the flashback of "love" during the Gevaudan Arc, we see that Vani may be grumpy or indifferent while being with Luna, but he is still attentively listening and comfortable enough around them for them to hug him:

Ofc, we can't forget that Vani, in his fever and poison-induced delirium, even mumbles to himself ".. didn't actually hate... I didn't... Lou..—" while recovering in the cabin with Jeanne. Given that just before this he asks "Is that what you really want? Truly?" in response to Jeanne saying "This time for sure, I'll kill the beast", perhaps we can even posit that Vani didn't actually hate Luna and didn't actually want to kill them? (I have another theory on what could have happened on That Day but let's get through this one first *wheeze*).

So let's summarize:

Vani claims he will cure RM vampires of their malnomen as revenge toward the VotBM, who is said to have created the Book of Vanitas to curse RM vampires that made them an outcast.

Curing RM vampires of malnomen = revenge since it is directly opposing using the Book to inflict curses

But Vani shows a look of sadness mixed with conviction that contradicts what would be thought of when claiming "revenge", which could possibly be him thinking back to his time with Luna, whom he did not actually hate and possibly did not want to kill but had to anyway.

So here's my theory: the reason why Vani has assumed the name "Vanitas" and is on a quest to cure RM vampires of their malnomen with the Book of Vanitas is to "rewrite" the reputation behind the name Vanitas of the Blue Moon.

... And I will continue explaining this in the reblogs ⤵️⤵️⤵️ bc holy fuck this meta is so long I have reached the image limit per post asjfklgs