#literally strangling myself rn

[techs-ass]

Here is Tech doing something you might find interesting and cool

https://www.tumblr.com/ihaventpickedausername/728895170756722688?source=share

AHHHHH thank you anon <33 this was so cute!! I love how you can tel the artist did some research into diving gear :) the only thing vaguely incorrect is the regulator but I also have to remind myself that it's science fiction so like- ahhhh

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

Thots of Matt eating reader out after she just shaved??🤭

love the way you think🫠

wrote this late last night, so not sure if all coherent - maybe just rambling brain rot. too lazy to edit it rn

matt murdock x fem!reader, mdni (18+ only!!)

aaaa so okay SO!!1

firstly I gotta say, and I quote forever and always, matt is a pussy eating fiend !! he don't care what you got, he's gonna eat. got a 70's bush? he's gonna chow down. haven't had time to clean yourself up beforehand? again, he's gonna gobble you up. he may have a preference (bc of his senses etc) - but he doesn't let that be known

BUT?? there's something just so addictive about eating you out after you just shaved, when you're all soft and smooth and silky - folds and pubic bone velvety to the touch and free of hair

I feel like it would be even more satisfying and enjoyable for him than usual, and he may even forget about getting you off. like the way your soft folds feel when he sucks them into his mouth, or simply just how good your pussy feels on his tongue

he would take all the time just leisurely licking you out, soft, pleased groans and moans muffling between your thighs - fingers digging into that crease, holding you still to his face. he'd be slow and teasing with it, changing things up without realising - unintentionally edging you. one minute, his tongue would be curled up into your pussy, tongue barely poking inside of you. the other he's on your clit, flicking over it. the next, he's sucking on it. the time after that, licking faint stripes up your slit

he also pays attention to other parts of your body without acknowledging it. maybe he trails kisses between your very inner thighs, spreading soft, open-mouth kisses over your heated skin - giving your poor, sensitive pussy a small time-out. his hands comfortingly stroking down your sides as if to reinforce his love for you

he also def reaches up to cup your tits when he eats you out, just saying ! just him extending his hands up to knead and squeeze them, as if to ground himself from his almost painful hard-on.. WHICH he has most definitely rubbed against the mattress a few times

more thots bc I can't help myself. but he doesn't let you get away, no matter how much you protest and push his head away - all you need to say is that small little word and it will immediately seize his movements. but you won't say it bc you don't actually want him to stop.. and he knows that 

maybe he likes it when you get just shy of overstimulation, when you're moments away from tapping out. when you crush his head with your spasming thighs, or when you make those strangled and choked moans, or when you're just twitching and jolting against his face, or when your grip in his hair tightens, or when you shimmy up the bed, or when your cry half of his name in a breathy whine, or when you cream on his tongue 

lastly, mr. matt murdock isn't about waste around here, so he never wastes a drop !! !! drinks you all up !! EVERYTHING !! since he can't see the messy state of your pussy after, instead, he runs his first two fingers over you - feeling the slippery and soft and puffy, soaked folds coated in spit and arousal. smearing everything around with A COCKY GRIN SLAPPED ON HIS FACE - feeling the literal mess he made of you

also also, he snogs you after to make you taste yourself 🫨

— — — — — — — — — — ☆ — — — — — — — — — —

[jarondont]

WISDOM SAGA SPOILERS

NO ONE FREAKING TALK TO ME RN.

WHAT JUST HAPPENED.

I CAN'T PROCESS THIS

WHAT

IN

THE

WORLD

okay so first off TELEMACHUSSS

TELEMACHUSSSSSSSSS

LOOK AT HIM HE'S SO PRECIOUS AND ADORABLE AND COURAGEOUS AND HONORABLE AND—

LEGENDARYYY

antinous i will MURDER you MYSELF how DARE you talk about penelope like that UGHHH he is my LEAST favorite character in epic UGHHHHHHH (which means he's one of my favorite villains lol)

"don't call my mom a tramp!" YOU TELL 'EM, TELE

AHHHHHHH

also YOOOO LITTLE WOLF IS DEF MY FAV SONG IN ALL OF EPIC

LIKE

"SHOW THEM THAT YOU'VE GOT SOME BITE LITTLE WOLF BITE" WAHOOOOOOOOO

IT'S SO BADASS

THOSE CHORDS ARE SO CLEANNN

"why did you help me, athena?" OWWW NOOO TELEEEE WE LOVE YOU

but WE'LL BE FINE IS SO CUTEEEEE

"You're a good kid." "Thanks!" MY HEART 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

also woahhhh he changed the lyrics 👀

and then.

love in paradise.

i can't even. i don't know what i expected. but it was not that.

i kid you not, i had literal tears.

ody's frustrated screams—"let me close my eyes"—him yelling out to athena—

JORGE YOU JUST TOOK MY HEART AND TORE IT TO SHREDS AND STOMPED ON IT, DO YOU KNOW THAT??? DO YOU??????

(okay, but the TIME DIVE was EPIC (puns lol). also, i was watching with my brother, and we rewinded the "she's my wife" SO many times bc we could not stop laughing lmao)

AND GOD GAMES WOAHHHHHHH

apollo's voice is MWAHH

and I KNEW IT. i KNEW he would put his dad in epic, i KNEW IT! how do they all have such awesome voices 😭

APHRODITEEEE AND ARESSSS AND HERAAAA YASSSSSSSSS

oh my god.

zeus.

i will—strangle—you—

WHAT DID YOU DO TO HERRRRR 😭😭😭😭😭😭 IS SHE OKAY???? ATHENA?????

(okay but his voice is SO COOOOOL)

GUYS THIS IS EASILY MY FAVORITE SAGA. EVERY SINGLE SONG IN EPIC IS AWESOME, BUT THESE WERE JUST ... SOMETHING ELSE. WOW.

anyway

everyone go listen to the wisdom saga right now

[can1nezz]

"im gonna be so productive today!!" -me every day knowing good nd damn well im such a stupid dumb dumb dumb dumb idiot dog and i cant execute ANY task presented to me, even if beneficial to me, in a timely manner OR AT ALL!!!! i say okay to eating something and will not eat one single bite of food for the rest of the day bc my brain is so foggy that i forgot how to eat (i literally forgot how to use my hands and use a fork and CHEW?? HOW DO I FORGET HOW TO CHEW????????) or make food or talk or spell or do math or walk or function like a normal human being. bro what IS this. if someone took a picture of the inside of my cranium itd literally be nothing but fog cus of how absolutely stupid and brainfogged i am rn, is this dissociation, skill regression, death?? waht the FWEAK. going crazey rn actualy strangles myself. DIES explodes...explodes YOU with my mind!! spontaneously combusts into flames !!!! like why did i literally forget where i was SO MANY TIMES yesterday. like i had no fucking clue absolutely none actually like id be IN MY HOUSE THAT IVE BEEN LIVING IN FOR 6 YEARS and not know where i was ?? im so dumb actually this is wild like is this dumbassness or something i should be worried about? like sometimes i could feel my eyes fog or glaze over and im done!! ive literally checked out of my head like a goddamned hotel SCREAMS!!!

[cozones-hellhole]

Death and Puss' dynamic is literally I WANT TO STRANGLE YOU BUT ALSO YOU ARENT REALLY THAT BAD ANYMORE AND I KIND OF LIKE YOU SO I PHYSICALLY CANT BRING MYSELF TOO vs I AM EXTREMELY SCARED AND ALSO INTO EVERYTHING HAPPENING RN AT THE SAME TIME AND I DONT KNOW IF MY HEART IS RACING BECAUSE IM GAY OR BECAUSE I AM LITERALLY ABOUT TO DIE

[allamericanb-tch]

crimson rivers thoughts (9)

@tastetherainbow290 long (ish) one today

chapter 17

author says they’re excited for this chapter… should i be scared

yeah. i’m scared.

SYBILL!!!!!! AND LILY!!!!!!!! AHHHH

dumbledore mention

omg i love sybill and lily

im obsessed with lily actually

are they like district 13 or like what is this. is dumbledore president coin

poppy!!!! ok i am liking this chapter a lot

remus sacrificed himself for lily ❤️‍🩹

oh. lily thinks remus is dead. and remus thinks lily is dead?! remu and lily reunion when

i gasped

sirius pov ok

frank mention!!

evan 💔

james and reg ☹️ ugh i just feel so bad for everyone

dorcas!!!!

molly!!! 

rip fab and gid 💔

oh no molly doesn’t know

dorcas what are you doing you have to tell her

ok she’s telling her but did molly have to strangle her 😭

order mention!!

sirius pov

pandora my love <3

james talking to sirius omg i’m going to cry

regulus jump scare

“I’m just saying, maybe you'd appreciate it if I put them down yours instead” JAMES

wolfstar eeeeee

me trying to contain my happiness bc i’m in a silent classroom

oh no now it’s getting sad

oh yeah. i forgot remus has to stay here.

AHHHH FINALLY they’re kissing

WHY IS THE FIRE ALARM GOING OFF RIGHT NOW READ THE ROOM NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR A FIRE DRILL

“if you like you could do it again” smooth, sirius.

and they’re doing it again

“is it too soon to be sure i love you” i have goosebumps rn

ok this was a good chapter

chapter 18

remus pov!!

mary mention!!!! i hope we see her in this i love mary so much

SIRIUS LICKED JAMES 😭😭 yeah he would.

eeeee they’re kissing again

remus being sirius’ first lover 😯

and they’re kissing again

PANDORA NO 😭

ugh i love her so much

james pov again!!! this means the game which means sadness but JEGULUS

“Oh, look at that convenient cave over there,” yeah james that’ll work

unrelated but my neck hurts really bad rn

james only surviving for regulus ugh. i love them. 

james being a hopeless romantic

“if you tell me what the mitochondria is, I'm not sure I'll be able to restrain myself” BAHA JAMES

regulus writing about james in his journals he is so me

he burned them?! he really is just like me. 

james being regulus’ first crush ahhhhh

“you made me feel” AHHHHHHH

not regulus almost killing peter and then just LEAVING

reg pov!!

regulus being…. silly

hmmm maybe these thoughts you’re having about james mean something? did you ever consider that?

not regulus thinking james ABANDONED him sweetie no james would NEVER

chapter 19

JAMES!!!

did i just predict that

regulus you do trust james don’t lie

ugh

"I'll kill them if they try it. I'll kill them all before they ever got a chance to lay a hand on you." REGGIEEEEE AHHHHH

vanity!!!

yeah. how are the rest of them gonna die. like. aghhhh i cant think about this now

“at least no one is calling him lover boy” nooo don’t think about evan

ant juice 😭 poor vanity

oh no the fires. this is just like what happened to rue.

oh no. they’re all going to die. ahhhhhh

peter is doing it 💔

LITTLE LOVE BLANKET IM CRYING

vanity is so cute im not ready to lose her

confession time (5) ive had to pee so bad for the last like 2 hours but i’ve just been reading this and i don’t want to get up 

vanity and hodge unexpected duo

vanity is so me rn

her asking james about kissing 😭

james “love isn’t even that great” potter, everyone.

i love that the harry potter lingo is used in this. like hallow, auror, horcrux. it just is so silly

vanity PLEASE do not die. i am literally begging you do not die right now.

vanity naming the hornet 😭

IRENE AND PETER 😭 jump scare but honestly good for her

oh poor james

him blatantly lying about him and reg i just know sirius knows

i live for jealous regulus

irene is an ICON i am not ready to lose her

i feel like vanity is going to try to smuggle vespa and then someone is going to die because of it

regulus calling james the sun. even as a joke im giggling rn 

ahhh kiss kiss kiss

nooo they’re leaving

should i read another chapter??

[artdcnaldson]

sorry yall had to excuse myself for a minute there... had to take a look in the mirror real quick and cool off. its that serious, its so so serious

ok one thing at a time, cuz that was 2 insane asks to drop back to back... so should i watch scream tonight, yes/no?

“God, you get even tighter when I tell you what a slut you are, how fucking stupid. Go on, make that pussy strangle my cock again, that’s it—“

i cant actually comprehend how deeply DEEPLY attractive this is. i let out a moan i shed a real tear i lost my mind. these words. if a real life human man said that into my ear whilst fucking me? i would die probably. what i wouldnt give... i need him so bad. i do feel like i neglect patrick a little sometimes, but this makes up for it. its actually never been this serious before. IF i see a dude dressed as ghostface this halloween, he better watch out.. kidding...

ALSO, i need to make a sex tape with art donaldson. whilst TALKING ABOUT PATRICK!!!!!! i cannot cope. i think i need cpr or morphine or to be chained down im losing my marbles. feeling intensely frazzled

-🐞

YESSS watch scream you’ve gotta <3

Patrick is literally buzzing around my brain rn it’s so so so serious <3 you matched the mental freak and made it external <3

Art sex tape made me insane but it also made me think about prodigy au… if one of them would leak a video…………

[snicker-dooodless]

🫶: Who ended up falling first? Which of them actually realized that they’d fallen in love first?

🫣: Who stumbled the most with their feelings around the other? How much did the other person notice?

🦋: How long did it take them to get out of the awkward early relationship stage? Have they gotten more confident around each other?

pick the selfship that you're currently going the most crazy over rn, you can do multiple if you like, i just wanna see my pookie have fun rambling about his selfships🥰

love ya Ash!😘

AHHH EVE IM KISSING YOU ON THE MOUTH RIGHT NOW OMG I LOVE YOU SM

I decided to do both 🕹️SpaceInvader💫 since I’m kinda obsessed with Billy rn and 👾Mimitchi🥕 which is my new self ship name with Jax(since my sona is a tamagotchi and the bunny tamagotchi is called Mimitchi…get it?) ,cuz I’ve been thinking about them, imma design my sona soon I promise!! (At least that’s what I keep on telling myself)

sorry that I rambled!!

🫶

🕹️SpaceInvader💫- Ash definitely fell first, Billy is the first person ever in her life who actually listens to all her ramblings and actually seems interested in understanding her, which, with her parents who almost always worked, she wasn’t used to. But I think she’s an oblivious dumb fuck and wouldn’t realize it. She just thinks her feelings are a bit more intense form of friendship, he’s just a friend who she cuddles sometimes and kinda wants to kiss and spend the rest of her life with but still just friends! Billy would understand his feelings almost immediately when he gained them though (which took him a bit to gain since I just don’t think he was even thinking about romance when he met Ash)

👾Mimitchi🥕- Jax fell first, which may seem a bit surprising but he didn’t realize his feelings for like- ages. I mean think about it, he hates (or at least doesn’t like) any of the other circus members so when he meets someone who he doesn’t hate immediately and he finds funny and maybe a bit pretty (although he’d never admit that) he’s gonna fall cuz he’s a stupid loser and we love him for it. Chi (my sona) realized her feelings soon after gaining them, not immediately but probably after a day or so when they’re just joking around and he feels the urge to strangle Jax but kiss him at the same time and he’s confused at first before her eyes widen and she falls into silence as she realizes that she fell in love with a loser.

🫣

🕹️SpaceInvader💫- They both are awkward as hell, but in different ways. Ash’s awkward in the way that, he’s trying to push down his feelings while also becoming a blushing mess whenever Billy does literally anything. Ash loves and treasures Billy and her’s friendship so much, she treasurers him so much, that the thought of admitting her feelings and him leaving because of it, terrifies her. BUT when she does accept her feelings she tries to flirt with him only to find out that she sucks ASS at it. Billy on the other hand is awkward as he tries to embrace his feelings for Ash, flirting (although he SUCKS at it), complimenting, showing more affection through actions and touch. But he’s stiff while doing it all and, as previously stated, he sucks at flirting. Ash is to busy in her self loathing and doubt that she doesn’t even realize any of it, only catching onto some compliments when Billy literally throws them in her face, which makes him a flustered mess. Billy catches onto the flirts but think they’re just jokes and awkwardly laughs but in the inside he’s crying and yelling and throwing up (in a good way)

👾Mimitchi🥕- again, they both stumble but the roles are kinda reversed. Jax stumbles as he tries to push Chi away to try to get rid of his feelings when he realizes he has them. Chi stumbles as she tries to awkwardly embrace her feelings despite still hating him but wanting to kiss him now. Giving Jax reluctant compliments which only freaks Jax out because the way they truly bond is insulting and threatening eachother while Chi, inexperienced with romance tries to do what she sees in movies and books. Compliments, flirts, stuff like that, but Jax is freaked out by that. This isn’t his Chi and he doesn’t like it. It’s not the person who he feels like he can relax and be himself around, he feels like Chi expects him to do the same and he’s kinda scared of that, while Chi on the other hand is scared that if she doesn’t do every single thing about this right, how she sees others do it, Jax will leave her, so she technically changed herself to how she think Jax would like her when, no. He wants his old Chi back. But when they start their relationship they start to go back to their own way of showing affection (threats, strangling eachother, /lh) they do have genuine moments through touch and silence.

🦋

(omg butterfly, Alice reference)

🕹️SpaceInvader💫- doesn’t take them time at all. No awkward time frame where they try to get used to dating since, after they both (mostly only Ash) accepts their feelings they genuinely act like a couple even before they tell each other’s how they feel. They cuddle, hold hands, sleep in each other’s bed, their friends start to genuinely think they’re dating even though Ash and Billy are just being idiots.

👾Mimitchi🥕- a bit. Doesn’t take that long for them to become bitches who are friends to bitches who are now kissing. There is about like…maybe a week? Maaaaaybe more? Where they figure out how to show affection, as previously said. They’re just like how they were as friends but now on adventures they always team up, they sleep in each others rooms, hold hands while walking around, etc. but no big acts or anything. Yes, they become more confident then they were as friends, only after dating does Jax let down his walls and Chi starts to come to Jax when she needs comfort (mostly just cuddling)

[gyokutoll]

Hi, I'm here to be not normal in your askbox.

So like. I have a sweet spot for muses that are immortal in the vein similar to Hotaru's and trust me when I say I cannot get enough of the sacrificial rabbit imagery you got going on with him. Your headcanons for him are so well thought out and while I cannot say I know the ins and outs of him like you do, I understand him and his mannerisms all the more because you pour such thought into it.

On one hand, I want to cradle his face or bandage the phantom injuries that are just seared into his skin with each death. On the other, I want to shake him so viscerally as he tries to strangle the facets of himself that are the most vulnerable. He's a product of everything that's happened to him... and while I can't fault him for that, I find myself reading some of your hcs like "my brother in christ--the way that you are."

I look forward to interacting with you and Hotaru more. I doubly look forward to peeling back Hotaru's layers bit by bit ic--if he'll even allow that. I want to see all of him and I will sit here until I do.

you can compliment me ig but i might cry ; accepting !

the way I fell to my knees in a Target parking lot (not actually but that visceral feeling is how I feel rn. dies).

IM SO HAPPY TO READ THIS THOUGH. the desire to cradle and shake are 110% the intention with this little guy. he's meant to be sad and frustrating and yet... he's pookie bear coded idk.

HONESTLY I HOPE SO TOO. i've been super looking forward to writing with you i'm so slow in DMs it's literally my own fault but hotaru giving him the yukisagi. i am like we are so back. the boys are talking. oh my god it's happening. i need them to bond like rn

[underworld-park-offical]

CRAIG: Anyways, Spiriiiiit what's your name?

TOLKIEN: …. No

TOLKIEN: Fuck you mean NO??? 

KENNY: Wow Clyde, nice, you scared off the ghost.

KYLE: Probably because he shat himself everywhere

CLYDE: SHUT UP YOU KNOW I HAVE IBS

TOLKIEN: Yeah, he has IBS leave him alone

TOLKIEN: At least he washes his hands

KYLE: …… sure buddy, sure.

TOLKIEN: Whatever…. He may be a walking shitsack, but he's MY walking shitsack

CLYDE: STOPPPP I'M GONNA CRYYYY

KENNY: By the way, Ghost says cuz

STAN: Like… as in just cuz or cousin?

KENNY: “just cuz” you dumbass

CRAIG: I was about to say, Sweet Home Alabama

CRAIG: Tell me you are from Colorado without telling me you're from Colorado

TOLKIEN: Can I strangle him? Can I strangle him, please?

CRAIG: Fine but do you want to strangle me or double it and give it to the next person?

TOLKIEN: I swear to god Craig

CRAIG: lmao hey spirit or demon or something, if you do something funny I'll post it to every social media I have and it’ll get like,

CRAIG: millions of views

CRAIG: Please I will give creds in the description

CLYDE: NOOOO PLEASE I WILL SHIT MYSELF AGAIN

KYLE: You said that like, Fifty Times already.

CLYDE:WAHGYHFIKYJDIYFOUGUUJULUJGBLUWATERMELONUGKYHFMKYFILMTYFLTDLUFY

CRAIG: LMAO not you saying watermelon

CRAIG: Omg it's like that one TikTok sound

CRAIG: Watermelon sugar high…. watermelon sugar hi…. watermelon sugar hiii..

TOLKIEN: Kill him. Kill him right now ghost

CRAIG: You can't kill me, oim ‘arry stoyles…

KENNY: Guys shhhh

KENNY: The door opened

KENNY: Wait wait wait how did it open???

STAN: IT'S THE FUCKING FBI WERE GONNA DIE IT'S THE FEDS

KYLE: ….No…. I think that's just the wind….you dumbass

STAN: WIND INDOORS??? BULLSHIT!!! THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO BELIEVE 

KENNY: Unless the wind came from Clyde haha

CLYDE: OH MY GOD YOU GUYS ARE SO MEAN!!!!

CRAIG: Hold on let me take a pic of this

JIMMY: R-r-r-read the r-r-room, Craig

CRAIG: The room can wait, I need to do a status update

CRAIG: Omg that rhymed

CRAIG: Guys I'm literally Eminem

JIMMY: Th-th-this is n-n-n-not the t-t-t-time to b-b-be on the g-g-gram, we-we-were ab-b-b-bout to d-die

CRAIG: At least I'm slaying rn

CRAIG: You hoes is ugly

TOLKIEN: Gayest shit I’ve ever heard

CRAIG: Don’t talk to me when I get 1 million

CRAIG: ...

CRAIG: Ew this photos fugly

CRAIG: I'm deleting this shit omfg

CRAIG: It's not giving

KYLE: WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT

KYLE: WAIT YOU DUMB DUNKIN DONUTS LOVING HOT CHEETO CRUNCHING FAKE NAIL CLICKING BASIC ASS BITCH

CRAIG: OMFG GOD NOT YOU INTERRUPTING ME DELETING A PIC

CRAIG: WTF DO YOU WANT??

KYLE: See that glitchy shit on your phone?

CRAIG: Yeah, that's why I'm deleting this fugly asf photo

CRAIG: It's the stupidity for me.

KYLE: That's probably the ghost

KYLE: Haven’t you seen like

KYLE: ANY movies?

CRAIG: Only like

CRAIG: Whats popular

CRAIG: Like Kissing Booth and Tall Girl

KYLE: ….You know what?

KYLE: I'm out

KYLE: I can't handle being around your two cent Charli D'amelio ass anymore

KYLE: You guys can get haunted without me

KYLE: I’m officially, OUT

(EDITS MADE BY @pissblanket and @zemoleinyourtrashcan

[m-ilkiee]

Hiiiii, I’m a new follower of urs like 2-3 days ago lol. I just wanna say I’m so glad I found ur account and the series “Monsters” cuz, not to be dramatic, it literally changes my life.

Two chapters in and I’m so GONEEEE UGH. Ain’t no way I’m surviving the rest of the series fr…😔 The brainrot is real tho, totally did not stalk through the monsters tag LMAO. Those two psychos (their names shan’t be mentioned.) are making me want to rip my own hair out cuz wtf. FREE MY GIRL YN SHE NEVER DID ANYTHING WRONG‼️‼️‼️

I’ve never felt so bad for a character before (even tho it’s essentially “me”). Bro I wanna strangle those two so bad, u have no IDEAAA QNDKDK. Then again, I myself have a problem too cuz I keep coming back… someone save me from toxic men PLSSS. Honestly, this series got me in a chokehold so bad that I even created an ai about those two on chai LMAOO (also dw, it’s private so it’s only me using it and I won’t make it public without ur credit :)) )

Just wanna say that Monsters is fucking amazing, no words can truly describe how this series make me feel rn. I normally don’t sent asks or anything of the sorts, but I have to let it out somehow… if you don’t mind, I’d love to send u a few of my own characterizations/interpretations of those two after reading the two chapters :)) anyways, GOOD DAY AND IM LOOKING FORWARD TO WHATEVER U PUT OUT<33

HELP THANK YOUUUU. I actually saw your reblog the other day, but I was way too anxious to respond. Thank you for really loving monsters fr I am sooo grateful ngl.

Dw, I totally stalk my own tags too. And yeah, writing those two men makes me want to cry or bash my phone somewhere because they get me frustrated half of the time, like I'm the writer and I still have a hard time wrapping my head around what the reader did to suffer such pain?? Like, she's just a nice person trying to survive and they have beef with her over the fact that their sister is hanging out with her friend compared to them.

Part of the reason I did write this story was that I have a terrible obssession with toxicty and toxic men, so yeah, I feel you about going back to them. Some scenes are pure indulgence ngl (the gun scene in chapter 2 cough cough).

Thank you sm for not making the AI bots public. I really don't mind it as long as it's personal use, since there aren't really many tr rps around that may agree to rp the plot of monsters. I fully understand

Thank you sm for sending an ask. I'm fully interested in hearing all your characterizations and interpretations of the characters if you don't mind, I'm all ears. I love seeing different persepectives of my readers, I'd love to hear all about it.

[reachingmygoalsss]

Life Update

April 25 2024

Got multiple new jobs, a new apartment and new dogs literally 5 days after the December post. Lost some weight around 15lbs rn! Things are looking up the dogs have helped me relax so so much.

My boyfriend got a new job as a carpenter now and actually stepped up after a fight we had on Valentine's Day. He started trying really hard, and I admit I wasn't the best person during the time because of how hurt and betrayed I felt. I feel a lot of guilt for that, and like I don't fully deserve this new beginning to some extent with him because of how angry I was up until he got the job. I'm really happy for him and thankful too. After all I wouldn't be dating him this long if I didn't love who he is. Stress just gets in the way of that sometimes.

My new dogs are the best little girls! They are German Shepherd lab mixes and are beautiful. Now around 7 months old. I will upload some pictures with this of them! They literally help me so much in my dream realms and through my healing stuff as well as with the transmutation of my emotions. I try to give back as much as I can to them by getting them treats, bones, and things they need or want. I really think I'm gonna try and walk them more, though. It's something I have been lacking with. That and training, and they deserve more of that, so that is a new thing I want to do for them going forward.

I have lots of big plans for the future. I'm going to make a goals list soon, so be hopeful for that. But I think the rest of the post I'm going to rant.

My parents still suck. I don't like how they take everything as me trying to hurt them. It's very frustrating. I'm not going to say I didn't have a lot of hate for them from all the buildup and stuff but I have let go of most of that now. I don't hate them anymore I just don't like them because I realized they will never actually understand me or how I speak.

Something I have been having issues healing lately is feeling like I'm hurting others. Today I talked to my mom for the first time in months and we were having a conversation about my brother since he is in the process of having a kid. Said conversation:

"you know your brother he gets stressed so easily and is nervous"

"that's because you yelled at him for so many years"

"that's because he never would listen unless I yell at him"

"he never was able to hear you because his ears were damaged from you yelling at him"

"I'm not going to let you ruin my day today I'm about to have a grandkid"

"I'm just telling you where that comes from"

✨️conversation ended 2 mins later✨️

This is how every conversation goes and yet I still somehow feel like I'm a dickhead for just stating what I see when she tries to bring stuff up. I feel this way with everyone, either in a state of confusion or guilt and shame for triggering them. I genuinely don't mean to trigger them either I'm just looking at a situation and word vomiting what I see, hear or feel. Sometimes I think I'm autistic because of this. With my mom though I do question if my motives are good. Like is it a subconscious jab at her character? Am I living in the past? Part of me does feel like I am still there in the house a scared kid waiting for her to come in my bedroom and tell me to do some chore or scream at me. During those times my throat feels tight like I'm being strangled and I still can't seem to get the words out clearly. It's hard for me to be in a relationship when there is no relationship because it will always be one-sided. She still wants me to wear the golden child, straight A student, favorite cousin, grandchild, bullshit mask I wore for so long. Perfection mask curated to her, otherwise I'm imperfect, but more importantly she is imperfect. I find myself with traits like her sometimes. Cold and cruel due to insecurities and superficialities. I see how hurt she is too and I guess that's why I still hold so much guilt, shame and hurt for cutting her out. She will never see me. Just like her mother never saw her.

I hope I'm not like her.

My father, I cut off from Jan 1st to early April. It's nice to talk to my dad, and I miss him. The problem is that I usually go into an anxiety attack after I get off the phone with him. Even if the conversation is good, it feels like he invades my whole being, and I have intrusive hate thoughts every time I talk to him that I have to clear out of my head almost every time. He also defends my mom with her behavior, and then he lets her into conversation a lot. Which has put a lot of strain on our relationship in general. I didn't want to have to make him choose between me or mom, but she made that the case a lot of the time. I wish he had the balls to say no to her and just have a relationship with me. I don't expect him to ever stick up for me though at this point. If he defended her to a 5 year old me saying I was the problem at 5 why should I have expected anything different at 22. That's the part I think that hurts the most is still dealing with the same thing younger me dealt with. No one to help me stand up to my bully other than myself.

Good news is I'm an adult now and I no longer feel helpless against them. I can stand up to them and they can't put their shit on me anymore. Though I'm the villain now and that kinda sucks considering I went from being perfect in their eyes. I destroyed their image of everything they saw in me and I feel like myself for the first time but I have no family because of it. I will have to build my own.

Everyone in my family looks at me like I'm an asshole and none of them other than my dad want to see me truly succeed. And even then my dad will try to change my plans or will outright judge or insult them behind my back to my mom. I know this because that's how they all work. Then they get sick or get into a car accident or some shit because they are fucking mean. I don't know why I keep going back. When I disconnect from them I feel so much anxiety, sadness, and hate and it's hard to focus on anything else. I hope there's a day where I can just let go or talk to them without feeling so fucked up. Self harm or self hate maybe? Self sabotage? Layers of bullshit that needs to go. Too much manipulation. Sometimes I wish they would just die so I can move on and get some relief.

I guess the end of this is just me wishing I had a supportive and loving family. One where I don't have to be fake to avoid making people upset or afraid.

[cathymee]

Kakegurui chapter! (Ye, El Fili chapter 11)

I love how Padre irene is just... smiling

Camorra losing like a kid LOL (Padre Irene still smiling... creepy)

Diamonds and "values"? BET

Oh my goodness SIMOUN, OF ALL PEOPLE

Part 2 later

aaaaa sorry this had sat too long on my inbox my friend!! i haven't been doing well for the past few weeks BUT i have also gathered enough brain cells to reread some of el fili to familiarize myself again with the events as i've told last time - it has been a while but here i am still ready to beat the shit out of simoun-

everyone in this chapter is very strangle-material ^^ these bitches do nothing but sip tea, gossip and lie to each other's faces. it's incredible. in wednesdays they wear pink

and i love how their personalities shine through in this scene of them playing cards alone lmao - padre irene with his goody-two shoes act, padre sibyla generally not giving a shit, padre camorra (ew) being a goofster (albeit unintentionally this time) and the general being such a doormat (and his poor secretary who just wants to do his job)

AND YEAH LMAO need camorra to play the rampant online combat games we have now can you imagine the way he'd shit talk his enemies

gaah simoun's propositions…ngl kinda chilling! padre sibyla about to drop banger lines and this man's just like "ok if i win u'd say dumb shit that would go against what your religion literally stands for just to further demonstrate the power you all hold against these people under you rule" and THEN "i'd also get to commit literal violations of human rights. as a little treat for myself. :)" like bro???? chill man jesus

and the thing with him being like "we are also tulisans but we're not declaring ourselves to be; that's why these people won't rebel against us" fucks. so hard. and tbh fits so well with our administration rn lmfao because who are they even fooling. literally we're being robbed of our resources but the people that have been blinded by their propaganda wouldn't believe them to be doing anything heinous as long as they're spouting their 'bagong Pilipinas' bullshit. absolutely wild that even these little details can still be paralleled to the happenings of today

AAAA ANYWAY going over to part 2 now!!

[thedimenotmensioned]

and the people who think that being threatened, blackmailed and/or intimidated for your pussy isn’t “real rape” , as someone who has been both violently attacked slammed down and damn near strangled for my pussy while trying to fight a rape ape off of me for MINUTES, and who has also been coerced/intimidated it is definitely rape bitch and I hope you fuckin die KYS and get gang raped, gorilla pimped and receive no justice. and especially if you’re a woman thinking and saying shit like that. bitch I wish the worst for you. if you want me to be real, I have more trauma and wish worst on the niggas who “passively” raped me than the nigga who literally left marks on me and my body red from physically attacking and fighting me. being physically intimidated and threatened by a MAN, bigger and stronger than you, who is either ALREADY on top of you or standing over you grabbing you and not knowing how he’s going to respond or react if you attempt to fight him back is honestly scarier than a nigga just full fledged attacking you, at least to me it is. the niggas who passively raped me literally made me suicidal and want to kill myself for months or years before I ever said anything about it. I do wish bad on the violent rapist but I don’t dwell on it tbh. Idk. Being threatened with violence or restrained and intimidated but not straight up ATTACKED is still traumatic as fuck. and the ppl who think it isn’t real assault and you should’ve just tried to “fight off” a MALE literally with his fist bald, or who is already on top of you need to fuckin die in the absolute worst way in front of your children.

Also people who have NEVER EVER been VIOLENTLY ATTACKED BEFORE by a male, have a lot to fuckin say when women who already have don’t want to attempt to fight the next man off. If you want to get beat up, choked out, possibly fucking murdered because you trying to fight a sadistic animalistic man who is stronger and most likely bigger than you, go ahead bitch, I actually like my life and not being bruised and bammed up. The result will be the same in the end. He’s 5x stronger than you. If a 5’4”, 130 pound man, can EASILY attack and slam down my 5’4”, 125 pound athletic body building ass 💪🏾 , than a regular sized man can definitely easily attack you. Especially when they’re in their uncontrollable involuntary instinctual animalistic rape mode. There’s absolutely nothing you can do except for make him beat you up LESS so why fight back.

I wish cold blood closed casketed murder and agony on my passive rapist. Tbh idec what my violent rapist is doing rn. I just hope he continues raping so one day he can finally go to prison and his family can see I wasn’t lying and that he is a VIOLENT FORCEFUL tackling strangling rape aping ass nigga and he most likely will rape the kids in his family and I will rub it in his pickme family members faces when they’re jaw dropped and heart broken. aha I tried to tell you bitch, now all the grandkids and nieces got raped. nana nana boo boo bitch😅

[perotovar]

What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

oh man, that's a good question

this is something i've actively been struggling with, actually. i don't get very many ideas for fics tbh. the reason i've only been talking about/messing around with itbotn, biwy, and metal!pero & ezra is because those are literally the only stories in my head right now.

i see a lot of writers with like, mountainous wip piles and i just can't relate. my brain doesn't operate that way. i never considered myself a writer until itbotn came into my room at night and strangled me in my sleep, so i don't really think like a writer, if that makes sense. i also deeply struggle with imposter syndrome because of it. i doubt my skills a lot because it feels like i'm telling rather than showing and i have a hard time writing what i'm seeing in my head. i know that'll come with practice/continuing to write, but it's a struggle rn lol

i'm also not very sexually driven (this is hilarious because i'm writing a porn au) so i can't just like... make little pwp oneshots on the fly like a lot of people.

i know this is unnecessary information, but basically i don't really have one rn? there are couple characters i'd love to write for, but i haven't come up with anything.

there's a pearl jam song that gives me heavy joel vibes but idk how i'd translate it rn. i'm also looking at jack a lot lately, but again, nothing has stuck out quite yet.

thank you for asking, adi!!

send me one of these ♥

[dialupthescoobysnacks]

random snippet of my novel draft with zero context i have posted unprompted

This literally has no context to it here, maybe I'll give some later but not rn, so be fore warned it just jumps straight in

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tommy, the incredulous bastard, takes another swig of the whisky. Roughly placing the bottle on the table, he turns to me. Tommy reaches around me and places a hand on the sofa at my back before sitting down heavily on my lap.  

"you’ve always had the prettiest eyes.”

The words slur together but I understand it enough for my cheeks to still flush warm. I hide behind my glass and raise an eyebrow, “really?" I ask, sarcasm leaving it more of a statement than a question. Panic and relization finally  worm underneath my skin. "Also, why the fuck are you on my lap?" I prod, while trying to get a sip of liquor in me to calm my sudden nerves.

Tommy smiles and runs a warm hand down my neck not responding. The cloud of scarlet spreads to my neck as he traces the thin scar running up to meet my chin. “The prettiest, and your lips look so soft.” I choke down the champagne and dart my tongue across my lips. I open my mouth to speak but no words come out. Smiling Tommy leans in, and then promptly pulls away. Standing from my lap he plops down and lounges across the couch. Head conveniently resting on my crossed legs. The room spins as his tipsy gaze drifts up to mine, “Artie,” How the fuck had I fallen so hard so fast for this bastard. My name from his mouth sounded so pretty but I ignored that, “hmm” 

“Do you remember that day we were dueling in the Lilac Villa?”

I huff out a little laugh,

“That could be any day, we’re bloodborn rivals, remember?”

“Hmm, are we though?”

I open my mouth to argue but he silences me with a finger,

“Shush, I don’t want to know what you think of me right now.”

That catches me off guard,

“That one day, we were like,” a hair drifts onto his face, “pfft, I don’t know twelve? You were wearing your fancy hyacinth suit again and you had your hair in the cutest ringlets.” 

A small strangled noise escapes me, but he carries on.

“You had your hair done back with a ribbon and you had a fresh bruise on cheek. You’d tried to cover it with powder but failed horribly. You were determined to beat me that day, I clearly wasn’t and you caught me off guard. You had me pinned in seconds, Monsieur Rauchea was rather pleased with your performance. But gods, your fiery eyes were gorgeous, that was the day I fell in love with you.”

Speechless I gape at him like a fish at the market, unfazed he darkly chuckles.

“I had loved you for years probably, but that was the day I truly realized how much. Only later did I realize that you would never love me back.”

Pure confusion and elation turned to a sick feeling of guilt and pity.

“Oh gods, years and years I tried to convince myself that you’d never feel the same. But here we are and it would seem it still hasn’t worked.” 

Caught in a storm of emotions I bury my face in my hands. Sweeping them up into my now thoroughly messy hair.

“Huh, I expected a more volatile reaction. Still, the same though. Loving all alone.”

His fractured voice trails off and I bring my hands down. A well of tears form in his eyes but refuse to leave. I bring down a single thumb to wipe them away, startled eyes open in shock. I fight the nerves eating away at my limbs, looping thoughts telling me every way this could go wrong.

“Artie?”

A thousand words could break the fragile silence, instead I lean down and press my lips to his. Everything goes silent and I for once feel confident. At first it’s just me, pressing a butterfly light kiss to his lips. Feeling the warm static in the air. And then he kisses back, it's sharp and short and leaves me wanting more. But he pushes me back, searching my eyes. Doubt is a foggy cloud that fills the silence and his eyes. 

“I love you too Tommy.”

I mutter, hoping, praying, he won’t hear and shoot me down with his fears. Instead he just smiles and pulls me back down to him. 

Between the soft kisses he whispers sweet nothings to my lips. A smile meets mine, again, and again, and again. It’s the happiest I’ve been in years, I want nothing more than to just lay with him here for hours until all he knows is the taste of my lips. Eventually Tommy pulls back to face me, arms linked around my neck. Neither of us want to address anything other than right now so we don’t. We just sit there holding each other like I’d wish I could’ve for years. Lila was right, liquor could do amazing things to people. Tommy finally opened up, and I finally addressed the secret that haunted me for years. Maybe everything would be alright.