#literally not the same story that it started as

[droodlebug]

i'm constantly getting myself worked up about what the qunari in dragon age could be if the writers weren't racist as shit. in a perfect world that we don't live in, the veilguard comes out and it reveals that everything heard about qunari and the qun were wrong and people are just there living their lives and to stop treating their religion, that is inescapably a parody of islam, like it's a form of control. stop treating them like they're inheritly violent or murderous when like. the grey warden kills a bunch of desperate refugees that attack them at the start of the game. not incapcitate, kill. hawke is constantly killing people like All the Time. it is a joke between the da2 characters in the game. but when the qunari do it it's suddenly wrong? suddenly murder is bad in the context of the world?

when the religion of the maker and the elves gets treated with respect and nooo andrastians aren't forcing their religion on anyone they're just making people see the Truth. but when anyone willingly converts to the qun that means they? are bad people now? when the qunari have a spy that's invasive and scary but when you have your own spymaster that tortures people well that's fine it's just what's necessary. when the circles literally take someone's spirit away by making them tranquil that's horrific but it is what it is, but when the qunari restrict their mages in a very similar way, the only difference being that you can See from the outside what it feels like, then it's an even worse unspeakable horror? even when the mages of the qun are giving to that willingly for the percieved safety of others vs nearly every account of tranquility being forced, somehow the qun version of the same thing is still worse???

that is the way the games themselves through story and mechanics frame it and it's shit because the qunari is very obviously based on a real life religion and real life people that are heavily demonized in real life and it is not fair

[buddie911abc]

Here I go again.

Buck asks Eddie if his son is the real reason he doesn't date. Eddie responds with, "That and, they weren't my type."

This has been a flag for everyone who reads the subtext, but let's take a moment to look at the last GIF.

Eddie says they weren't his type. Buck turns around to look at them and probably assesses what makes them, 'not' Eddie's type because the girls were all subjectively pretty. There were also a variety of types of women there.

But look closely at the GIF. Eddie said they weren't his type. While Buck is glancing back, Eddie gives Buck a quick look that really screams, "You are it. You are the type." When I noticed this from the GIF edit, I thought it might be the creator slowing it down, but nope. If I look at the episode, it is the same or nearly the same. This is early season two, and I have always thought, in the early episodes, there was no intent to pair Eddie with Buck as anything but a friend. However, this scene makes me wonder at what point Tim M or whoever was writing changed their minds about adding in a subtextual narrative.

I find it very difficult to see this scene as a heteronormative exchange. In fact, it even feels like Eddie is pushing back a little to test where Buck stands. Buck as a character who lacks self-awareness gives a mixed signal answer. (which tracks with his character at this point and matches his coming-out arc.) **edited to clarify** Buck's mixed signal response to Eddie saying they aren't my type is, "Not mine either, at least not anymore."**

A few seconds later, Buck says Eddie has a weak excuse. My lovely and wonderfully sassy Eddie says, "You live in your invisible girlfriend's house, and you're telling me about weak excuses." He essentially points at Buck's closet door, but of course, this is something that Buck couldn't see or pick up on at the time. These moments are small in the grand scheme of the show as a whole so I'm afraid it will be forgotten. It would be nice to have some sort of throwback acknowledgment that this scene hasn't been retconned.

To backtrack a little bit here, I would also like to point out something else about the early timing or the writing of these characters as potentially queer. They are outside. (True I don't understand the ins and outs of filmmaking so there may very well be a reason for this.) But the shot itself is making them walk close together. Not just close, their shoulders are literally bumping against each other, hitting and knocking at each other in a way that might appear "unintentionally" intimate--until you remember they are outside. It seems to me like there are dozens of ways to shoot this thing that don't require them to be so casually physical with each other. For the scene to be shot like this and then consider the canon conversation that took place, it feels quite intentional that the writers wanted viewers to look closely for something else.

Whenever certain people call Buddie shippers delusional, I think about this. Subtextual language aside, the scenes are shot in such a way as to plant the idea of "More." There is attraction here. There is flirting.

Someone, somewhere wanted to tell this story from the start; and I'm not mad about it. I'm 100% here for it, and I'm ready for it to go down as the most epic love story I've ever watched or read about, but I also admit that I want it to be canon, not so I can throw it in anyone's face that their ship is wrong, but so I can prove I'm not some weirdo putting two hot guys together. I'm seeing a real romance being built. I want that validation as much as I want everyone under the LGBTQ umbrella to see representation for themselves on screen.

If you want to see the scene, go to about 3:05.

[glisten-inthedark]

Ah, they're never going to write Byler aa endgame, a show like Stranger Things is never going to write the man couple as not straight.

(literally just read that so I have to address because this stressed me out).

Say with me, children.

Will Byers has been queer coded since episode 1. That's the story they've been meaning to tell since season freaking one.

We can actually see how Mike and Will's relationship is different from the start, from the very first episode. They make a point of showing us how their connection isn't the same as Mike's relationship with Dustin and Lucas.

And then, lo and behold.

The queer coded character is not only queer, but deeply in love with his best friend.

(Inserts angry Joy voice from Inside Out 2 here). Now TELL. ME. WHY. WOULD. THEY. FUCKING DO THAT?

I'm being serious.

Why in the world the show would make Will so in love with someone he's willing to sacrifice his own happiness for them? WHY?

Because let's be fucking for real, these writers can solve Mike and El's relationship without having to resort to a third party interference, we've seen them fucking do it already (hello, Lumax). Will didn't need to be fucking in love with Mike to help their relationship, as his best friend he'd be able to do without breaking his own heart in the end.

So yeah, sure, the gay kid who doesn't believe he'll ever be in love (gets to fall in love) but also doesn't believe he'll get a happy ending because he believes to be a mistake will in fact, end up alone or in a shallow relationship with some other boy that THEY COULD HAVE PRESENTED LAST FUCKING SEASON BECAUSE HELLO, ARGYLE EVERYONE?

That's the moral, they unnecessarily make the gay kid who has been through hell in love with the straight friend even though it serves no actual purpose to the plot, said kid never finds love and either ends up alone or in a some random relationship he doesn't even want.

Thanks for watching Stranger Things y'all, everyone gets a happy ending.

Except for Will Byers

[daengtokki]

Heyy there :) I literally can't stop thinking about SKZ f!additional member AU and softie Seungmin who seems nonchalant like the unbothered king he is but caring just deeply about reader, for example looking out for her when practice gets tough, getting snacks during recording sessions and so oooon. Yeah, I'm weak for that. Maybe you are, too. Have fun during this fluffy week either way^-^<3

This trope is interesting, but I've never actually read a single fic based on it! I'm not sure if I would do it justice. I do have an idea, though, and it's in the same vein as this, and I can add in the things that you're weak for (because same). The problem is…I can’t do it in a single ~1k word oneshot 🥲

So thank you for the inspiration for a new possible longer story! Unless everyone absolutely hates it.

If you like it, I’ll be happy.

idol!Kim Seungmin/guest artist!reader/idol!Chan x reader △

wc: ~1.1k (part 1?)

rating: angst to fluff

Day 5 of Seungmin's birthday oneshot countdown!

It's a few more weeks at the most, maybe longer, and after that...he'll probably never see you, or talk to you again. The planning stages of this was fun, he admits, and all eight of you sitting around the table talking to you on speakerphone; the excitement in everyone's eyes and voices was contagious. And of course Seungmin is excited...it's you. He's been a fan of yours for as long as he can remember, so having the opportunity to work alongside you, and maybe even sing with you? It’s a dream come true.

That's the problem.

He hasn't slept properly in a few days, and he's feeling very puffy and tired. There's only so much he can do now to prepare himself. He took a cold shower this morning, drank as much water as he could handle, but after that he couldn't stomach more than half of his iced coffee. It's still in his hand, numb from the almost melted ice, and dripping steadily on the floor. You're somewhere in this building right now, and you could walk in with the others at any moment.

Time to turn off. Turn off or make a complete ass of himself.

/ / /

You feel a little awkward as you walk toward the meeting room...recording studio? You actually have no clue where you're going, but you're flanked by two much taller men you don't know, and in front of you is Chan, who was a little red in the face when he was talking to you and asking you to call him Chris. So you do.

"Chris?"

He turns and smiles at you, and it's so...something you can't and refuse to deal with right now, you think. No. It's cute, and it's shy. The photos you've seen of him before today really did nothing for him, even the good ones. But you're a professional, and you are very good at acting professional when needed. Even when sweet, attractive men are involved.

"Yeah, all good?"

"Good, yeah! Where are we headed? Should I be mentally preparing to meet everyone?"

"Yes, definitely start preparing right now"

One more right turn and something about the door up ahead feels like the one. Meeting suite 1411. That's the one. Chris opens the door and moves aside to let you in first, and the room is empty, or appears to be. Security fell back and took up guard at the end of the hallway (unnecessary and embarrassing, you told Chris when they appeared).

"Oh, nobody is here...okay." He checks his phone and scrunches his nose, and you kind of feel like kissing it. "I'm sorry, I guess everyone ignored the group chat this morning."

"That's alright, are they somewhere else?"

"It's possible, but..." he points to the table filled with snacks and drinks. "I don't wanna drag you around looking for them." The phone is to his ear, and you hear it ringing, and ringing...

"I can wait here if you have to go find them. I already see a coffee carafe with my name on it."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. I haven't had enough coffee or stare at my phone time this morning, anyway. And my friends are down the hall."

He smiles so big, you have to return is just as enthusiastically. Maybe he'll turn up his flirting, and you won't have to feel as responsible for your own.

"I'll be right back"

Chris turns on his heel and is gone, and the room is so quiet. Maybe you should put some music on. Before anything, you look over the catering and wonder if anyone will actually have time to enjoy this. The coffee and lemon water, sure, but this is actually a full-course meal in front of you. Just as you fill your cup with coffee, you hear music...but you don't think you pushed play yet.

No, definitely not, because it's your voice that you're hearing. You turn toward it, and jump when you see him standing there, almost mid-step, one hand reaching to pull at his earlobe. His eyes are wide, but other than that...he seems less surprised to see you than you are to see him. But he does at least pause the music.

"Hello," you say, hoping to get him to come a little closer. Whoever he is, and you feel like you should remember all of their names by now, he looks a little annoyed that he now has to share this space and this coffee with someone else. "My eyesight isn't great even with the contacts... I don't bite."

"Hi," he takes a few steps toward you, and you watch his long legs move in his shorts and socks and clean black converse. "I'm–"

"No, I can remember...give me a second"

He does, but he doesn't seem happy about it. This one doesn't have the carefree smile that Chris did, or the shy demeanor. It's a bit distracting, the way his lips purse into a heart, and the way his big brown eyes look down at you. His hair falls perfectly in front of his eyes, but you're pretty sure he woke up looking this good.

"Oh..." it comes to you, sort of. "You're the puppy, aren't you?" You think you see the ghost of a smile on his lips, but it's gone so quickly. "Seungmin."

"Yes, I'm the puppy. And also Seungmin."

The puppy persona fits him, at least physically. His face is soft and round, his big brown eyes turn every so slightly downward, and his ears—something about the way his ears sit on his head, is so... "it's nice to finally meet you."

"Likewise"

Seungmin holds out his hand for you. You do the same, and he takes it so gently. His touch and his mien don't seem to match, and you wonder if the first impression isn't the one to remember for this one.

/ / /

Seungmin finally takes a deep breath when you turn and head toward the coffee again, and he watches as you very carefully add the smallest amount of milk and sugar to it. He finally finished his, so maybe he should make himself another cup. It gives him a reason to rejoin you instead of standing here looking like an idiot.

"Have you met everyone else, or just me?" What a stupid question, he thinks. "I mean, I'm sure you met someone...you're here."

"I met Chris. He left to go find all of you, but you must be the only one who read the message and listened."

"Yes, I saw the message. I like to be on top of things."

The way his voice lowers as he speaks sends a little shiver up your arms. Seungmin likes to be on top of things, and you love catching an innuendo wherever you can. You smirk, but wipe it from your face when you think he might be looking at you.

Seungmin sees the smile pull at your lips and then disappear immediately. "What?"

"Nothing,” you laugh. “I don’t think you talked much on the calls, did you?”

“I did not speak much, I don’t have too much creative say. I have some, it just depends on what we’re doing.”

“Well, it’s tough getting in there with eight of you, I’m sure. Everyone can’t be everywhere…too many cooks in the kitchen.”

Seungmin allows himself to laugh at that, but he stifles it a little and turns away. You’re as cute and relaxed in person as you seem in interviews, and on stage, and it’s a little overwhelming. He can’t let himself do this—he can’t get himself into something he won’t be able to escape. But he seems to remember reading something about a possible relationship you’ve gotten yourself into. Thinking about that breaks his heart a little, but it’ll at least help keep him away.

None of that matters, though. Why would you have any interest in him in the first place?

“Do you want coffee? How do you take it?”

Dammit, okay… “black is good.”

[genericpuff]

Are there any comics you were into around when LO was first coming out that you still adore and highly recommend? Any comics you wish got far more attention they they have?

There are several artists I used to love the comics of that went on hiatus years back/the artist doesn't make content anymore and I still look at them fondly (Snakes and Ladders by Mulattafury guts me. I would've loved to see it continue 😔)

So LO was kind of one of the first "webtoons" I got into, and by that I mean I was reading tons of webcomics for years prior to it, but the whole vertical format thing was still very new at the time and I wasn't accustomed to it. I spent a lot of the early to mid 2010's reading manga scanlations and indie webcomics, some of which are still ongoing today (though others unfortunately were never completed):

City of Blank (which is now an Originals series and it's in its final season, please check it out!!!)

Monster Pop (this one is actually really similar in art vibes to LO, it's very pastel and fun! idk if the creator still makes comics but she DOES make eco-friendly plus-sized skirts with POCKETS now!)

The GamerCat

AwkwardZombie (i stg this is one of those comics that will probably live to see the heat death of the universe LOL)

A BETTER PLACE (this one was REALLY fun to experience at the time because it pulled off some time travel shenanigans that you literally had to be there to read, you deadass can't read the original pages that got overwritten in the timeline near the end of the story, it doesn't affect the overall narrative at all but it's fun knowing that I was there LOL)

Grassblades

An Exercise in Futility

A Tale of Two Rulers

Theodd1sout (yep, before they were big on Youtube, it was a webcomic!)

Fail by Error (unfortunately it seems the creator of this comic has removed it from Tapas entirely, I'll see what I can dig up through Wayback but until then you might be stuck with Pinterest on finding strips from this one)

A Matter of Life and Death (this one is pretty much cancelled indefinitely BUT the creator is still an active comic creator and just recently started up a new original project! they also make super cool Jojo fanart and AU stuff if you're into that haha)

Two Guys and Guy (same as Fail by Error, its site seems to be long gone now but some of the strips can be found online)

Happle Tea (^^^)

And of course there was all the manga that I used to binge like fucking crack LOL Soul Eater, Death Note, Naruto, Bleach, Full Metal Alchemist, Yotsubato, Sailor Moon, One Piece, Deadman Wonderland, and those were just like, the well-known popular ones, there were a ton others across varying degrees of popularity that I don't even fully remember the names of now.

On the whole, there was a LOOOOT of stuff I read prior to LO, I used to practically live on sites like Tapas. Some of it's still as good as ever, others haven't aged quite so well, but for the most part, I look back on it all very fondly as it's what made up a lot of my formative years as a webcomic creator :'3 If you haven't read any of these, feel free to check them out, maybe you'll find a new favorite! <3

[thebramblewood]

this is in a similar vein to an ask you got recently but do you have any tips for those who are interested in sims 4 (or even other games like ts3 and ts2) storytelling? I write fanfiction but I think making sims 4 stories could be a fun venture. Anyway, thank you for your time! I love your stories so very much they're literally my hyperfixation!

Well, that makes two of us because it's literally my hyperfixation. I think I've shared bits of advice before, so some of this might sound familiar, but here are some things I think are important to remember (and I tried to be concise, I swear).

Write the story you want to write. Obviously, it's a great feeling when something takes off and people get invested. But if you pursue an idea only because you think Simblr will like it, you probably won't be inspired for long and it'll probably show. I've been very lucky with my story, but it didn't blow up overnight. Early on, I was thrilled to get double digit notes or one reblog or comment and was admittedly disappointed when I put a lot of effort into something and nobody seemed to notice. But I kept going because I was obsessed and wanted to see it through, and that's more true now than ever.

Start with low stakes and allow yourself to evolve. Before I was on Simblr, I made Sims stories with no poses or visual enhancements or fancy editing. I wrote them for myself, and I loved every minute of it, but they also gave me a solid foundation for the kind of storytelling I do now. Even after starting this blog, I eased myself into it. I learned how to use poses and Reshade, then moved on to more advanced editing techniques, then moved on to teaching myself to make poses and very basic CC. If you try to learn it all at once, you're more likely to give up because you're overwhelmed. Take your time and make peace with the fact that perfection isn't possible. Everyone's always learning!

Take advantage of the fact that Sims is a game. Even though I've been a creative writer for most of my life, I don't come up with fully-fleshed, elaborate Sims stories from scratch. It started off with my legacy and not wanting every generation to feel the same. I thought about gameplay I hadn't experienced yet and centered each generation's story around that. Even with HZID, I just wanted to make and play with vampires! That's it! Initially, I used a lot of gameplay to convey Helena's college experiences, and I still try to incorporate it when I can. It can really be a great base to spark your creativity if you don't know where to start.

Don't have a life outside your story. I'm joking. Kind of. I'm not a very social person and I don't like leaving my house if I don't have to. This leaves me with a lot of time for working on story things. Honestly, I could probably stand to work on it less. But for better or worse, I'm doing story-related things most nights and weekends, and even if I'm not doing anything, I'm thinking about it. It's probably mental illness, but we'll just call it passion. At the same time, it's also important to take breaks! If you're feeling burnt out, step away for a while. If you can't make yourself step away completely (raises hand), just edit the script or spin your blorbos around in CAS or something rather than going straight for posing a scene.

Follow and interact with other storytellers. This is probably the most important thing, and as someone who struggles with social anxiety it was the hardest for me to do. But I try to make a point of keeping up with other stories, commenting, and reblogging. Not only will the amazing talent of other writers inspire you, but you're building meaningful connections that make them more likely to want to interact with your story. There's no denying it feels amazing to watch your audience grow. But no one's going to see you if you don't make an effort to be seen, as scary as it can be. So try to be active in the community and support other storytellers the way you want to be supported!

[demigod-shenanigans]

Long overdue Pipeyna posting:

It’s the way they balance each other out and mirror each other.

I think a lot about what Piper said in regard to love and hate being almost identical emotions, neither of which can be reasoned with, and that being why Ares and Aphrodite like each other.

It’s about how they start out resenting each other—Reyna sees Piper as the person who took away her best friend. Piper sees Reyna as a threat to her relationship with Jason. Except that’s not the whole story, is it? Because Piper thinks about Reyna much more than she should. Much more than Jason does, honestly. And the second Reyna lets herself trust Piper, she trusts her fully. Like it’s the most natural thing in the world. And it startles her, because usually Reyna takes a long time to let people in. But the others join the fight and though Reyna’s eyes should be drawn to Jason, she finds them on Piper instead.

Reyna and Piper understand each other in a way only the child of a war goddess and the child of the goddess of love can. They’re two sides of the same coin.

Piper sometimes struggles with thinking she’s not especially useful in comparison to her friends who seem much more powerful, whose skills seem much more helpful in combat. Hell, she’s outright stated to be surprised Reyna and Annabeth find her diplomatic skills handy at the end of BoO.

A lot of Piper’s character centers around her feeling invisible—the first time we see this is with her dad, whose attention she keeps trying to gain with her stunts, except it doesn’t work. She stays invisible to him. And that can never change. Because once he sees her for who she really is, it breaks him, and she has to make the heartbreaking choice to ask him to look away again for his own good. Piper has a power that literally centers around her ability to make people look at her and listen to her, and yet she cannot keep the attention of her dad, and she doesn’t think it’s really enough to have earned a place among her friends.

But Reyna sees her, even without her charmspeak. Reyna looks at Piper and in her role as the child of a war goddess, what can she see except all the ways in which Piper is a warrior? All the ways in which Piper is capable and brave?

Reyna on the other hand struggles with her emotions and not being able to let other people in. She keeps her cards close to her chest because that’s the only way she knows to keep herself safe. Even when she loves, she loves in a way that’s subdued, because she was taught from a young age that love isn’t a thing that’s safe. Love locks you up at night because you’re a threat. Love is angry and dangerous and could get you killed if you slip up—if you say the wrong thing or move the wrong way or if it’s simply having a bad day. Love is a thing that at any given moment could explode in your face.

She doesn’t even share how her powers work because she’s afraid it might go wrong somehow if she does—that the others will feel like she’s somehow manipulating them instead of supporting them.

But Piper looks at Reyna and she sees right through her, sees all the ways she’s hurting and how exhausted she is, because with her powers, what can she see except Reyna’s emotions, no matter how tightly Reyna tries to keep them locked up?

Piper knew what Reyna’s power was without being told. She just sensed it and immediately understood how it worked and how it must drain Reyna. And Reyna feels briefly terrified when Piper brings it up because she always assumed people knowing would change their opinion on her. But Piper is only mentioning it because she’s worried about how those powers must affect Reyna. About whether she’s getting enough rest and has a shoulder to lean on about it all. And that’s never been anyone’s main priority before—especially not Reyna’s (something something Reyna being raised to protect New Rome. Her powers actively benefiting others while draining her. The way she’s never quite able to live for herself).

They instinctively see and feel drawn to the part of each other that other people struggle to see at all and it makes me a bit crazy actually.

[iz-star]

Ever since I got Zayne's engagement rings my delulu has increased to godly levels

I got Zayne's engagement rings like four days ago and since then he's been showing up wearing his ring on his own, without me having to put it on him 🥺❤️

The first day I made him wear the ring as soon as I got it, but the second day, he showed up wearing the same outfit he had the previous day and the ring too, I laughed to myself thinking that he didn't change or something, maybe his workaholic self showing up (it was a bit odd considering that he always shows up with different outfits) but funnily enough, since I've been super busy with work, I wasn't able to play a lot and take pics with the rings, so it's like if he wanted the time we finally got the rings to last 🥹

The third day he dressed in his formal outfit and he gotta know that I LOVE this outfit since it's the one that he was wearing in Veiled Whispers event / Drunken Intimacy card which is a card so so important to me, literally this was the banner that was out when I started to play the game, so it felt like going back to the days this handsome sir was trying to woe me with his charm (he didn't have to do a lot tbh, ever since I saw him I just knew he was the one).

Sadly I didn't get this card since I was a new player so I couldn't farm enough dias to get it but, ofc I watched it on YouTube and since then I always ramble about how meaningful this card is for me, it's like this card consolidated me as a Zayne main bc even tho I already knew I liked him the most, I was trying to get to know the three better and give a chance to Xavier and Rafayel, but Zayne in this card just felt like home to me, because of his sweet calm affection and gentleness, respect and care, I could write an entire essay about this card but that's for another day.

(I also have to add that since I got him this outfit, I've seem him wearing it like idk 3-4 times, is not an outfit he picks up normally).

And the fourth day he shows up wearing his Snowy Serenity outfit with the ring and honestly, he surely KNOWS that whenever I see this outfit I can't help thinking of his hungry kisses but also how in this card he finally allows himself to be fully honest with his feelings and needs and at least for me that was a milestone ❤️

Istg that he's getting me used to this that if tomorrow he doesn't show up wearing his ring I will legit cry 💔

I know I'm just making up stories in my head but let's be honest, the development of the relationship with Zayne has been so organic that sometimes it feels somehow... alive. And we as the player get emotionally invested somehow. I've seen him grow, show his insecurities and weaknesses little by little with no shame, embracing his feelings instead of running away from them like a true man ❤️

Now I just need them to bring Illusio back so I can make him wear his ring in this scene:

[13leaguestories]

Will queer Roes have the chance to come out to Chris during the All That Comes Before story about the start of their friendship?

It is planned yes as well as telling him that you're trans. There's three Chris-centered stories so it won't be in the first one, where you literally first meet him. It'll either be in the "first party" story or the "moving in together" story. Probably the First Party because of what I hope to do with the Moving In Together one.

Both will be choices for those who want to and those who don't. But by the Moving in Together story, because that's three years of friendship already in the works, he'll know those facts already despite if you told him or didn't (same to how he already knows in the story).

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Up next we’ve got the post-season seven stories! (Lol that was some fun alliteration)

🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷 (it might be a BTHB but i’m loving the family feels! Loving chris’s new understanding of eddie but hating how he got it - diaz parents better watch out!)

🛏️🛏��🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️ (there was only one bed! Seriously buck and eddie really thought it through and this was the only option. Like really there was nothing else to be done. No don’t think about it too much just trust them! 😝 i’m so pumped for this one!)

- PCA <3

Loving the themes!!

45 for 🦷 (Yay! thank you!!!!):

---

“Christopher,” Eddie exhales, voice barely audible. It hurts too much. 

“I thought I’d feel better because they’d comfort me, but all they do is make everything feel worse.”

“Okay,” Eddie mumbles. He takes the tub of ice cream from his son and places it in the overfull basket. Then he puts the basket on the ground. He pulls Christopher into a hug. “I’m sorry, Chris. I’m sorry it happened this way.”

Vaguely, Eddie is aware they’re having this conversation in the frozen dairy aisle of a grocery store. Not, like, a therapist’s office. Which is what he might have preferred. But, fuck it. Chris is ready to talk. 

“It made me sad for you,” Chris blubbers. 

“For me?” Eddie asks.

“Yes, you, Dad!!” Chris snaps. “Because I always had you to make me feel better, but who did you ever have? Did you ever feel okay?”

Eddie is shaking a little.

“You don’t have to worry about that, Chris.”

“But I am.” 

Fuck. Fuck, Eddie doesn’t know how to fix this. He doesn’t know what to do. It’s like Christopher’s brain has matured a big lunging step forward over the summer and he’s seeing Eddie as a whole person and Eddie doesn’t know what to do with that. He’s not supposed to be something Chris worries about. 

“Christopher,” Eddie says. “I… Okay, maybe you’re right. Maybe I’ve spent a lot of my life feeling kind of bad about myself. But I’ve got Buck and Bobby and lots of friends that help me. I’ve got you. Being your dad makes me so happy, okay? So you don’t need to worry about this.”

Christopher makes a small, frustrated noise. “And-and I’m working on it, okay?” Eddie reminds him. “I’m working on feeling better about myself, and who I really am, and not… Not hiding. And it’s going to be better. It’s all going to be better, and it won’t be like this forever, okay?”

---

48 for 🛏️ (There was simply no other way!)

---

“Therapy,” Eddie answers. 

Buck tries not to react. He hadn’t known Eddie was going back to therapy. Despite multiple suggestions from literally everyone in his life. 

“Cool,” Buck replies. 

“Where were you?” Eddie asks. 

“Mowing your lawn,” Buck replies. 

The city has regulations, after all. 

“Oh,” Eddie replies. “Fuck. Sorry, Buck, I…”

Buck squeezes his shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. Therapy is more important.”

That same night, the compliments sort of… Well, they amp up. They go from Buck being nice, to both of them being… Well, something. 

It starts innocently enough. Buck’s fault, as per usual.

“You look cozy,” Buck says as Eddie - donning an oversized sweater - flops down on the mattress to watch a show. They’re trying to catch up on old episodes of Hotshots, now that they know Bobby is going to be advising for the next season. 

Eddie looks down at the hoodie. “Oh? Uh, it’s yours.”

“Mine?” Buck asks. 

“Mine are in the laundry.” Eddie says. “Sorry, I can go home and grab more.”

“No, no, no,” Buck blurts. He doesn’t want him to stress or think he broke some sort of boundary. “You look good in my sweater.”

Eddie freezes. “I look good in your sweater?”

Fuck. Why did he say that?

“Uh, yeah. Sure. You look good in every sweater.” 

“Do I?” Eddie smirks. 

Fuck. This is a disaster. 

[windywriter]

Who has Pathetic Worm Energy when in a relationship

ROUND 2 BC I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE FIRST ONE

Definitions/explanations under read more because this got LONG

Definitions: What is Pathetic worm energy?

To me Pathetic Worm energy has two definitions

The act of making a fool out of ones self in order to receive affection/pity from a loved one/romantic partner

The over correction one makes in order to avoid making a fool out of oneself in front of a loved one/potential romantic partner.

One's general pathetic energy for both funny and unfunny reasons.

Potential Pathetic Worm Energy:

A bit self explanatory but I feel that these characters have potential to be silly but only in certain situations. Additionally, this definition includes portrayals/characterizations that I personally find are close enough to canon that I could imagine it happening without straying too far.

Tsundere:

These characters will only show a softer (wormier) side to them under very specific circumstances and feel as though they have a reputation to uphold.

Other:

These ones I feel either do not fit into any of the categories listed above or I just do not have a firm grasp on their character.

Explantations

Has Pathetic worm energy:

Some of these characters are a bit obvious (Takemichi, Shinichiro, Akkun) however, I would like to explain why I put a few characters on here.

Kisaki: I feel like Kisaki fits into the over correction definition because when you look at what he did on paper, its kinda pathetic. He started all this shit, ruined friendships, orchestrated literal gang wars, killed/had innocent civilians killed all just to show one person, who didnt even really like him, how great he was.

Shion: Mainly because of how boisterous he is about his position only to get sandbagged multiple times throughout the story. And while the same could be said about the Haitani brothers, I feel like Shion's lack of charisma sort of gives him a different kind which pushes him to the top.

Takeomi: I feel he more fits the third definition. This is mainly because, despite the fact that he was moved to tears by Senju's genuine conviction he still fell to his greedy nature. And honestly, if that isnt textbook tragedy I dont know what is.

Has potential Pathetic worm energy:

Okay, these ones will require a little more explanation.

Rindou: For him, I have seen interesting interpretations of his character where he has a bit of an inferiority complex due to being stuck in his older brother's shadow. Which I find very interesting as it gives his character depth and a good contrast to Angry and Hakkai during their fight. However, I did not put him in the top tier because it is an interpretation and i feel like Rindou would only show that side in reaction to being compared to his brother rather than naturally doing it.

Mikey: While he is spoiled and possessive I feel like those traits only apply when he isnt locked in. I am also not including the other Mikeys because I feel like there isnt much to go off of. Though I guess Botan Mikey would probably be in "Pathetic worm" tier but for less funny haha reasons and more "This dude genuinely needs help" reasons.

Ran: Like Rindou, I feel like he'd probably only show a more cutesy spoiled side to him if it was calculated beforehand. He is the Charisma of Roppongi. However, I have also seen interpretations where the person he was trying to charm manage to outwit him (unwittingly or not) and leave him surprised. Which honestly, I find the gap moe very cute. Its fun to see The Ruler of Roppongi Ran Haitani left flabbergasted by someone he thought he had dancing in the palm of his hand.

Kazutora + Sanzu: I put these two together because while their obsessions are adjacent to Pathetic Worm territory, I feel like what stops them from going to that tier is the fact that they are incredibly dangerous people. And while that may sound rich coming from a tier list about Tokyo Revengers, with characters like the Haitani brothers on it, I feel like Kazutora and Sanzu ( particularly Botan Sanzu) are on a different level because they are willing to get their hands dirty and are not able to be talked down if you were to try to talk to them when they are in a certain headspace. So less funny haha, more "Oh God I need to get away now."

Takuya Yamamoto: Hes mainly here on the virtue of being apart of the Mizo Middle Five (Makoto is in the same tier is just forgot about him). However what holds him back from being at the top is his laid back nature. Yes he probably would act like a fool, but I feel like he wouldnt go too overboard. And I feel like hes too laid back to really worry about his reputation. Truly, hes probably the freest person here.

Peh-yan:

What convinced me about him for this position is his relationship with Yasuda and their dynamic. Its very sweet how far he went to help the sewing club.

Kakucho: The reason I put him here is because while he is very loyal and I can imagine that resulting in some entertaining scenarios, I also feel like Kakucho has a really bad habit of codependency. Additionally, I feel like hes just so sincere that he could say the sappiest pickup line and you'd still think hes cool.

Inupi: Mainly for similar reasons as Kakucho. However, I feel like what holds him back is instead is his kinda deadpan expression. So while he might say some out of pocket stuff, he says it so matter-of-factually you'll be the one reacting instead of him.

Angry: Like Rindou, I feel like he has a sort of natural inclination towards being spoiled being the baby of the family. However, what stops him from joining Hakkai is his eternal grimace + hes decently sensible so i doubt he'd go too far.

Senju:

I feel like she approaches Worm energy I feel like her sincerity + natural charisma tips the scales a little.

Izana: Honestly, I think he'd rather die than be perceived as having a flaw in any way. He has his moments, but I doubt he'd make that much of a big deal out of them. And if anyone tried well, theyl'll probably wake up with a few missing teeth, and loved ones.

Tsundere:

Draken: I feel like while he certainly does have his cute moments (especially with Emma). I feel like his straightfoward nature keeps him from truly indulging in the silly.

Smiley: Now, this is purely speculative but I feel like because Smiley tends to hide parts of himself in order to look cool

Baji: While he is quite honest with himself, I remember in the boyfriend tier list for Touman he was mentioned to be a bit tsundere so i put him here.

Hanma, Mochizuki, South: With how inscrutable Hanma is its sort of hard to pin him down. As for Mochizuki and South, I dont have a very good grasp of their characters so I dont feel very confident about them. Sorry.

Other:

Mitsuya, Yuzuha, Naoya, Benkei, Wakasa, Muto, Pah: I feel like they would just kinda be normal? Like, they'll have their cute moments but I dont think they'd go out of their way to act like fool to impress their partner.

Taiju: Excluding his habit of expressing "love" via violence, I feel like Taiju is so straight laced that he probably doesnt have a reason to do much outside of the basics for a relationship.

[captainpineappl3]

LEGO Red Dead Redemption is a game we need:

You might see a similar post from @phantom-of-the-501st because we were talking about this together!

Also spoilers for the RDR games.

Base Game Concept: We've all played a LEGO game and we know that they frequently make games for other franchises such as Star Wars. LEGO RDR follows the entire storyline from prequel of the second game all the way to the end of the first game. If the game is too big with all that then we remove the first game because RDR2 adapts much better (sorry).

The World: LEGO games have used a large scale open world before so we can assume the exact same for RDR. The LEGO Hobbit game I'm pretty sure used a massive scale map which admittedly you mostly fast travel around but you could walk around a lot too. Another good example is LEGO City Undercover, a very detailed world to explore.

(side note I only just realised the "i" in "CiTY" is the only letter that isn't capitalised)

Obviously including all of the side missions from Red Dead Redemption and Red Dead Redemption 2 would likely be too much for the game include so as an alternative, we reduce them down to character unlocks and small Easter eggs/tasks. Another good example of this is how it's done in LEGO Jurassic World where you can occasionally find sick dinosaurs and you have to search around the area to find what they need.

Now imagine this but with a random character from RDR/RDR2 like Albert Mason. You meet him, the coyote steals his bag and runs away, leaves it in a place that's difficult to reach. Now it's your job to work out how to get it back, perhaps using a lasso or hitting some targets or the good old LEGO building a small object to reach it.

Completing these small side missions can unlock the character for you or give you a red brick/collectibles perhaps (more on those later). Missions that can't be adapted very well can simply be turned into character purchases. Imagine wandering the bayou and finding that cabin with the poem about Jimmy Brooks, then you turn around and the good old Strange Man is stood in the corner ready for you to purchase him.

Unlockable characters also gives you easy opportunities for an Easter egg like Red Harlow.

The Story: The story is possible to adapt to a LEGO game form although obviously it has some significant difficulties we'll cover later. As stated above, RDR2 is our priority to include so the game of course starts with Colter, the whole gang is there in their beautiful LEGO form. Just like the original game, Colter is entirely used to teach the player the basic mechanics of the game. Here's an example of a few starting missions.

Outlaws From The West teaches you basic combat and you finish by unlocking Sadie as a character.

Enter, Pursued By A Memory teaches you how to do parkour and unlocks John (that or John isn't unlocked until the epilogue).

Eastward Bound where Arthur broke the goddamn wheel? Sounds like a great time to do some building, hitting targets and doing some parkour to go get the wheel and the rest of the stuff that fell off the wagon!

You get the point, the story is adapted into LEGO form making use of all the same stuff you've seen in LEGO games before. Some missions could probably be removed or several missions can be combined into a singular level. There's one massive problem you may have realised about this though...

LEGO is a very kid friendly company and well, Red Dead Redemption certainly is not...

How can we fix that?

Adapting Red Dead Redemption To Be Kid Friendly: Well obviously we have the simple steps of just... not including the murder dungeons? Head explosions via sudden increases in kinetic energy applied through double barrel shotguns wouldn't be a concern anyway since LEGO people literally explode into their individual pieces upon death anyway.

But then we have the big concern about the choice language in RDR.

Fixing Red Dead Redemption's Language To Fit LEGO: We all know where this is going right? An aspect of LEGO games that we all know and loved yet sadly hasn't been seen in ages. The non-verbal noises. We can probably steal a few sounds from the original games. Arthur has plenty of "argh"s when he gets shot that would fit perfectly with LEGO's style. But I think we also should still bring in the voice actors to make some noises for it.

In the event that we do keep a few voice lines, I personally recommend "LENNYYYY!".

But what about how this impacts the story? How will Dutch explain all his amazing plans? How will the Pinkertons threaten the gang? So much of the game relies on verbal communication to progress the story!

How To Replace The Talking: Our first issue is Dutch explaining all his plans. If he can't speak up then how could he get his points across about making a lot of money and leaving to Tahiti?

Simple! If you're not at camp, Dutch does an overly animated pause as he thinks before suddenly and excitedly reaching into his pocket and pulling out a hastily drawn diagram on a piece of paper illustrating exactly what to do.

If you're at camp then there's plenty of options available, my personal favourite being he wheels in a whiteboard and draws on it with his coloured pens whilst the gang all sits there on the floor with their legs crossed looking up at their great glorious leader.

It's the exact same for whenever the Pinkertons come to demand Dutch from the gang. They walk up and pull out a wanted poster of Dutch and angrily growl at the gang.

Also just to make sure Micah is still unlikeable despite not being able to insult anyone, we may just have to make him a bit of a bully. Stealing food, kicking and shoving people out his way, forcing others to do work for him etc.

Speaking of Dutch and his ability to manifest a whiteboard out of nowhere, it's about time we finally discuss characters.

Character And Their Abilities: LEGO games are known for their characters having different abilities and I think it's best we make the entire gang as playable characters of course. Maybe not all available at the start but they certainly are needed eventually. Here's the main ideas for the gang so far and their abilities. A lot of them are still yet to be worked out.

Dutch - Investigative (able to find details others can't that then reveal objects or their locations) Hosea - Disguises Arthur - ? John - ? Javier - ? Bill - Strong (able to break objects other's can't) Micah - Dynamite (can place it and thrown as a projectile) Charles - Tracker (able to see footsteps and follow trails) Sean - Pyromaniac (throws fire bottles like which cause splash damage on impact unlike dynamite which has a fuse) Lenny - Double jump/more agile? Sadie - ? Karen - Disguises/Distractions (able to lure NPCs away from places) Tilly - Double jump/more agile? Mary-Beth - Pickpocket? Uncle - ? but he has to throw out his back after any strenuous activity. Abigail - ? Susan - ? Pearson - ? Strauss - ? Trelawny - Disguises Swanson - ? Kieran - ? Molly - ? Jack (young) - Small and can go through crawlspaces.

Most if not all of them will also have some sort of ranged weapon depending on what they mostly use in game. Arthur likely with a revolver, Charles with a bow, Susan with a shotgun etc.

Some characters may also act slightly differently, a good example being brutes like Tommy in the Valentine saloon who is harder to fight and requires you to fight differently, like the stronger opponents seen in LEGO City Undercover.

Another important thing is collectibles.

Collectibles: Red bricks are obvious. They're in every LEGO game and there's always the obvious ones like stud multipliers. But we can also include ridiculous ones like: All horses become cars, Lawmen and Pinkertons have little police lights on their head, All guns become water pistols, Dynamite explodes in confetti, All guns fire explosives.

We could also consider other collectibles like special hats or weapons.

The final point I have to cover here is character deaths.

Character Deaths (obvious spoilers): The story has to reach some character deaths eventually... it's inevitable. But LEGO likely isn't going to be very comfortable with good ol' Sean Maguire getting the worst surprise party ever.

How do we fix this?

SLAPSTICK COMEDY!

We can't keep them around because the story doesn't make sense so we have to remove them in LEGO friendly ways. Here are my suggestions!

Jake Adler - Technically already dead but to avoid showing a corpse in the wagon we just go with a classic skeleton.

Sean - As you walk through the streets sudden swinging log booby trap flies down and absolutely punts Sean into orbit, never to be seen again before a the gunfight rolls out.

Kieran - Instead of being killed and rode into camp, a cutscene is shown where Kieran is on guard around the camp, caught by O'Driscolls and quickly tied up and thrown into a dingy which floats away before the O'Driscolls send a fake scarecrow copy of Kieran into camp which confuses the whole gang before the ambush attack.

Hosea - Instead of the scene that broke everyone's heart, Hosea boots Milton right in his little brick balls and jumps down a drain into the sewers.

Lenny - Whilst running across the rooftops Lenny is caught in a snare trap which quickly loops around his foot and lifts him away with party balloons.

Molly - Miss Grimshaw during the middle of Molly's rant pops Molly's head of just like a LEGO minifigure would be and boots it off into the woods causing Molly's headless body to go chasing after it. That or another idea which I think I prefer is Dutch and Molly have a dramatic argument in the middle of camp, once again someone gets kicked in the balls before Molly storms off, never to return.

Leviticus Cornwall - Whacked around the head with a frying pan by Dutch or Micah causing him to fall overboard from his boat and he is chased away by a shark.

Cold O'Driscoll - It may be best to change the story a bit here and instead of making sure Colm is hanged, you make to make sure he gets arrested by either leading them to the cops or leading the cops to them.

Eagle Flies - Instead of being shot he is whacked round the head with a frying pan and knocked out, almost arrested before Arthur saves him and you return him to the Wapiti tribe albeit a little dazed.

Agent Milton - Arthur, Abigail and Sadie beat him up, tie him up then shove him inside a barrel and stick it on a passing ship.

Miss Grimshaw - Tricked by Micah somehow (maybe by him pointing behind her making her turn away from him) before somehow she is dragged away perhaps by Micah typing her to a horse or something.

Arthur Morgan - Rather than Arthur dying, he helps John to escape (more on this later).

Micah - I'd love to kill this man but LEGO probably wouldn't allow that. I'm not sure how you work around that. Maybe you freeze him in a bit of ice and turn him in to the lawmen but honestly I don't know.

I don't know Red Dead Redemption 1 as a game well enough to discuss the character deaths in it as I have never played it through (sorry but I cannot ride a horse in that game) however with the death of John and Uncle, instead of being killed by the Pinkertons, in exchange for john's help capturing the gang, John, Uncle, Jack and Abigail are all rewarded with an all expenses paid trip to Tahiti. The final thing to note in all of this is what we see in the credits of the game and the thing I said I'd elaborate on with Arthur.

The Credits: Just like the original Red Dead Redemption games, the credits feature cutscenes showing the aftermath and current events happening once the gang falls apart. The cutscenes go like this:

Remember how Sean got launched into oblivion back in Rhodes? Well the first shot we see is of a nice sandy beach and who comes falling out the sky? The good ol' Irish legend himself! He's made it to wonderful Tahiti.

A little after Sean has set up his nice camp on the shores of Tahiti, who comes rocking up in a little boat still tied up by the O'Driscolls? That's right, it's Kieran.

Y'know it really is strange but did you know that the sewers of Saint Denis seem to connect up with the plumbing networks of Tahiti? It's honestly quite nice because it means Hosea was actually able to wander through them and eventually find himself with the others on the nice sandy shores.

Lenny! Whilst he's flying over the ocean looking pretty bored and annoyed that he got to miss out on all the fun back at that bank robbery, he suddenly notices Hosea, Sean, and Kieran all looking up at him from the beach and manages to untie himself from the rope of the balloons, dropping himself down to them where they all hug and reunite.

Turns out after Molly's breakup with Dutch she really just needed to get away from it all and clear her head. Good thing that she was able to afford a one way ticket to Tahiti!

Miss Grimshaw ends up their somehow I don't know.

Arthur. My sweet old boy. After helping John escape the gang and the Pinkertons he finds himself at a port, waiting for a boat. His brother John says one final goodbye to him and waves from the pier as Arthur pulls out a ticket from his back pocket and puts on his sunglasses and Hawaiian flower shirt and boards the ferry of too the wonderful Tahiti where he spends his days lounging around in a deckchair next to his horse (also in a deckchair), sipping his drink from a coconut through a straw with a little parasol in it as Hosea and Lenny come to sit by his side. Obviously because he's warm and relaxed his Tuberculosis heals too and he's cured. Amazing!

This concludes my 2395 word explanation of why we need a LEGO Red Dead Redemption game and the amazing ways it could be adapted. Come on, Rockstar, you're already a games development studio just get that partnership and work with Traveller's Tales and their experience to make this a thing!

[andromedaexists]

Hello I am gracing your inbox to give you the excuse to exposite about Desecrate changes because I am the epitome of that one Spiderverse meme waiting to hear about it. I'm curious. Pretend there's an eye emoji here I'm on my laptop

HI HELLO ALEX I WILL GLADLY TALK ABOUT THE CHANGES

There are mainly two (2) sections of changes: academic changes and structural changes. The structural changes are much more spoiler ridden though, so as soon as I feel like there's more in depth information being talked about imma throw it under a cut

So. Academic changes

I have talked a little bit about the creation of Desecrate and where the idea came from, but that was a long time ago at this point. Desecrate became a WIP in late 2022 when I was taking a class called Ancient Christianities with the amazing Professor Larson (whom I miss dearly now that I am graduated)

This class, as the name implied, focused on the Ancient sources of Christianity and really the birth of the religion (specifically the start of the organization of religion after the death of Jesus and all that). we learned a lot about the proto-orthodox christians, what processes and theologies went into the creation of the canon texts, the heresies that were birthed in the time between the life of Jesus and unification of the church, and looking into the texts themselves and what qualifies them as canon-worthy or not. I took this class at the request of a good friend of mine (I see you, Vinny. I am never taking a class you recommend again) who was a religious studies concentration, though it wasn't hard to convince me seeing as I have a history of academic interest into Catholicism specifically.

The section of that class I really focused on, though, was the Dead Sea Scrolls, the Nag Hammadi library, and the heresies of Gnosticism and Marcionism. All this to say, I looked at all these and went "what if the heresies became the dominant beliefs? how would that change our current Abrahamic religions?"

That is what Desecrate was based on. However, I have recently had an academic shift from this to something more along the lines of "what if the beliefs the heresies were based on is correct, but they went about it in a really fucked way and also the universe course corrected to cover up this change?" I am now more interested in picking apart the Church as it currently stands and incorporating more themes of "the Church lies" and "the Church hides stuff" than I am at looking at a full alternate history.

Okay this is getting long now and also about to get spoilery so here's the cut:

So basically, while I originally intended for there to be 2 Gods with one chained in the basement and needing to be freed, it has shifted from "that's just the way the church is, look at the history" to "This is really fucked up that the Church hid this information for so long and literally lied to the world's face when confronted about it"

Another major thing that has changed is the structure of the story. In a couple ways.

First, Desecrate was supposed to be a novella. It was supposed to be a short, quick, and punchy story about this kid who finds God trapped in the basement and wants to get fucked by them. That's it.

Desecrate is now a full length novel, actually it's looking to be the longest things I've written! It's going to be a tome of a book split into sections based on a prayer I said growing up. And that was a bit issue and most of the reason why I'm starting over. I started this as a novella, but the pacing stayed as that of a novella even as I expanded it. The dream sequences were just moving too fast, the characters were developing at a rate that would leave them stagnant by halfway through the book, and I just didn't know how to fix it.

Another thing that's changed is the ending. The original ending that I planned the entire story of Desecrate around was an open ending. It was a "Oh my God you found God and you're freeing them and also you're the messiah?" then a cut to black. That's it. End of story.

Then, I was like "okay but what if they escaped and then walked away from humanity and the church and disappeared forever?" to which I went "nah I don't like that that invites a sequel". Then it became "okay so I need to figure out what happens after this scene. I can have this scene, cut to black, then we hit the last quarter of the book and the last prayer transition" to which I realized that no matter what I try, I can't think of another way to end this. Kit's story was meant to be open ended, it was meant to be a story of learning to live with who you are and there will never be an ending satisfying enough for me on that. This story is a love letter to the kid I was growing up, and I can't end that story yet when that kid never got theirs.

Speaking of that last quarter, though, another major part of Desecrate that's changed is the way I use the prayer and dream sequences. The prophetic dreams were a lot more important to the story in it's original iteration. The prayer that the story was created around is this one:

Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep If I shall die before I wake I pray the Lord my soul to take

This is a prayer I grew up saying, one that I forgot about until roughly late 2022. It is one that has become incredibly important to me again as I learned that not a lot of people know that prayer in the area I was raised in. I had to say it every night, though, and I've started to piece together a reason why (that I'm not going to go into depth about here but I will say it is chronic illness related).

So the story takes place in Kit's dreams for the most part after he says his prayer before bed, right? Not anymore.

Now the story is mostly in the waking world, though Kit still has prophetic dreams. It's just become more along the lines of "i don't know what these dreams are and I feel like I'm losing my mind because of them" and then finding out what they mean through his studies and the guiding hand of a scholar.

So yeah, these are the majority of the differences in what Desecrate was pre-scrap and post-scrap. Also I was forced (/hj) to sit down and create a usable time based outline for Desecrate by Clanky when we were in VA and now I have a masturbation calendar for out boy Kit. Just quirky things, y'know?

[myokk]

before it felt like a sin, ch. 1

pairing: Sebastian Sallow x f!MC

word count: 3000

summary: Eloise never wanted to be different.

And yet, her differences are what have defined her life up until this point: growing up as a squib in one of the most prominent wizarding families, being exiled to muggle society, and then attending Hogwarts at the age of sixteen.

She finds herself thrust into the life she should have been prepared for from birth but was denied. As she navigates this new life and her new precarious position in her family, she must come to terms with the fact that maybe what she dreamed of her whole life isn't turning out how she ever expected it would.

a/n: Hi everyone!! I decided to post this here too...I'm slowly going through everything I've written so far, and I want to post each chapter here as I edit them. I'm hoping that this can be a way to a) get back in to writing more, and b) get better at my art as I make full illustrations for each chapter. Let me know what you think!! :)

There is nothing quite as horrible as being a muggle, Eloise thought savagely as she ripped out yet another stitch in the landscape she was embroidering. At least, it was supposed to be a landscape. Maybe with her head tilted to the left and with her eyes almost closed so everything blurred together, it might resemble one. She did just that, trying her hardest to make out some recognizable shape and blast the stupid practice of manually pushing colored thread through a fabric in some sort of -

“And what is this, Miss Babbit?”

Eloise jumped at the sound and looked up at the scowling face of her teacher, and then quickly back down at the tangled thread in her lap. Behind her, she could hear the hushed giggles of the other girls in her class.

“Oh! Er…it’s -”

“How long have you been here?” the woman interrupted.

“One hour…I just -”

“Don’t be smart with me. I mean, at this institute.”

“Five years.” Eloise glared down at her embroidery as if it had personally offended her. It wasn’t like she was actively trying to be bad at everything, but she had the distinct disadvantage - how had it ever come to be that she would be at a disadvantage to muggles? - of not having spent a lifetime being prepared for muggle society and all that it entailed. The last five years had been a monotonous, endless cycle of lessons designed to turn her into the perfect lady: French (a waste of time as Eloise was already fluent), embroidery (a waste of time as the things she embroidered weren’t actually useful), dancing (a waste of time as she was already engaged to be married - why would she bother trying to woo another silly man?), and her most dreaded class of all: etiquette. No matter how many years had been spent trying to assimilate into muggle culture, her thoughts still got muddled when she tried to remember the steps to a dance, or how to properly address the son of a duke.

Did it really matter, anyways, what the other girls thought? She had pretended her whole life to be the daughter she thought her parents had wanted - now she was simply pretending that she hadn’t been thrown into the muggle world without a second thought. What was a bit more pretending - that she didn’t care? That she hadn’t been tossed aside without a second thought?

“Exactly. Five years. And yet, you have shown no progress whatsoever. This -” a finger jabbed accusingly at the embroidery - “is absolutely horrendous. If your parents hadn’t continued to make such a sizeable donation every year, I would have deemed you a lost cause and sent you packing when you first arrived. How your family ever managed your betrothal to the son of an earl is beyond me.”

Eloise grimaced at the mention of her fiance as her teacher clapped her hands together to get the attention of the class - a wholly unnecessary action due to the fact that it was already being given. “Class is dismissed. Please collect your belongings and put them in the correct place. Remember, as future wives and mothers, you must be organized in all aspects of your life. Many of you will be managing important households and the slightest misstep -“ a slight glance to Eloise out of the corner of her eye - “can cause the biggest of scandals.”

Eloise raced to gather her things and leave the classroom before everyone else. No matter how many years had been spent at the school, she couldn’t help but hate sitting through the classes amongst the judgmental stares and snide remarks. Although things had started out shaky at the finishing school - to be expected, really, when you’ve grown up in wizarding society and then are then forced to live as a muggle - it still stung that after all these years, she still hadn’t found a friendly face. She was treated as if she were a pariah: it was as if the other girls just knew that something was different about her. But…wasn’t that the great irony of it all? She wasn’t different than them. She was a filthy squib.

When she first arrived at the school, she was an anomaly. A twelve-year-old girl who didn’t know how to play the piano or who the queen was. It was clear to everyone that Eloise wasn’t the charity case of the school - her parents were obviously quite wealthy - and yet they seemingly wanted nothing to do with her. Whereas the others got regular letters and visits from their family, it was as if Eloise were an orphan. Nothing new to her of course, but to her peers this otherness aided them in her ostracization.

Upon entering her room, she was abruptly pulled out of her thoughts. Something wasn’t right. Everything seemed the same: a twin bed perfectly made opposite a small wardrobe, a plain wooden desk placed between them. The weak afternoon sunlight shone through the window, illuminating her desk. But…there.

That…

Placed on her bed, resting on the pillow, was a letter.

She never received letters.

Eloise shoved her embroidery under her bed and hungrily grabbed at it, pausing when she saw the address. Miss E. Babbit. The Third Bedroom on the Left… It seemed vaguely familiar to her in a way she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

As she read the letter, though, it became apparent to her exactly why this was. Although not exactly the same as the one her brother had received six years earlier, it quickly became apparent that this was a Hogwarts letter. For her. For Miss E. Babbit.

Hands shaking, she set the letter down on her desk and sat on the edge of her bed. She smoothed her hands over her skirt over and over, taking comfort in the familiar softness as she tried to even her breathing.

How was this possible? She had all but accepted the fact that she was a squib. The shame of her family, a dirty secret to be hidden away and never talked about or mentioned again. Her parents had suspected as much by the time she had turned seven without any signs of magic whatsoever manifesting around her - not even a basic transformation of brussel sprouts to sweets during dinner. It was ultimately confirmed, however, when her own Hogwarts acceptance letter never arrived. She had spent the whole year before her banishment daydreaming about her life at Hogwarts, still optimistic that there could be something magical inside of her. Her brother, Leo, came home every holiday with wonderful stories of his new friends and teachers, and the subjects he was learning at school. Even back then, at twelve years old, Eloise hadn’t been sure if he was actually hopeful she wasn’t a squib, or if he had been trying to prolong the fantasy for her before it all came crashing down.

Although she had had five years to come to terms with her new life, there was still a small part of her that hoped. A small “what if…”. She had tried time and time again to squash that tiny ray of optimism that would escape every so often, tried so very hard to cultivate a hard exterior that wouldn’t let any sort of vulnerability shine through. And that optimism was a vulnerability, after all. It was that vulnerability that had made it absolutely impossible for her to fit in the muggle world, and made it so that she didn’t really want to try.

Five years to come to terms with the fact that she needed a new purpose for her life and…

…not anymore?

Eloise grabbed the letter and greedily read through it again, drinking in all of the words. She paused at the end, thinking. Was this a forgery? Some sort of awful joke orchestrated by her brother? Leo had never been cruel to her in the past; in fact, he was the one who always encouraged her and was the most probable source of the small optimism that remained within her. However, she had no way of knowing how he had changed since she had last seen him. It had been, after all, five very long years. And not once had she heard from him, even though he had promised her through huge sobbing gulps that he would never abandon her. Maybe their parents had slowly poisoned him against her. It would be right on the nose for them, after all.

Looking at the envelope again, however…Third Bedroom on the Left…no. It was too specific. Nobody in her previous life had any reason to even want to contact her again, and nobody in her current life even knew what Hogwarts was, let alone have the ability to convincingly forge a letter just to have some fun at her expense.

A light, bubbly feeling began to spread throughout her body as it sunk in that this was real. She was going to Hogwarts. Soon, a - squinting at the letter again - a Professor Fig would be contacting her and giving her things to study. A huge grin slowly spread across her face and she hugged the letter to her chest as she fell back on her bed. She read through it again. Was it the fifth time already? It felt as though no amount of times rereading the letter would ever be enough.

Eloise got up and walked over to look at the calendar on her desk. She was surprised to see that September 1st was in only two days. The days at the finishing school moved in such a strange, sluggish way. They all felt the same. Monotonous. French and Latin and embroidery and household management and Merlin even knows what else all blending into each other in an endless parade of dusty classrooms and gossip and boredom.

The light feeling left her in an instant as, after years of practice, the optimism was squashed back down. But how will you even get to London? And, her brain added sneakily, you haven’t even shown any signs of magic. Maybe you’ll just be returned back here after they realize their mistake.

No, she thought fiercely, gripping the letter. Until -

A tapping came from the window. A tentative smile returned at the sight of a tawny brown owl with another envelope in its beak. She ripped it open as soon as it was in her hands (again addressed to Miss E. Babbit) and along with the letter a small, purple pouch fell out of the envelope and onto her bed.

Miss Eloise Babbit,

I am pleased to be the wizard charged with such an important task as escorting you to Hogwarts in two days’ time. It is something extraordinary to be accepted in your fifth-year, and as such, I expect extraordinary things from you. I have enclosed a small pouch along with this envelope, and in it are some items that will be vital to you in the upcoming days. I have included books for you to study at your leisure, and a small gobstone that will bring you to our rendezvous point in London. All you have to do is touch it at noon on the 1st and you will be transported instantly.

Your family has not been informed of your acceptance. I am sure you understand why - at this, Eloise scoffed quietly to herself - which is why I will personally be your escort.

I am looking forward to meeting you and bringing you to the sorting ceremony in two days’ time.

Yours,

Eleazar Fig

The handwriting was tiny and spidery and cramped, but it didn’t stop Eloise from reading it with the same vigor as the previous letter and as many times. Finally, she turned to the small pouch that had fallen onto her bed when she opened the second envelope. It must have had an invisible extension charm, because it was filled to the brim with books on basic spellwork and general wizarding history. Professor Fig had no way of knowing, but Eloise had already read many of these books and many more during the year her brother had started Hogwarts, as she had needed to know absolutely everything about what would be awaiting her. A few years may have passed since she had stepped foot in her family’s library, but she couldn’t get the books or their contents out of her brain even if she had wanted to. She had really wanted to forget everything she knew about the magical world when it was confirmed she was a squib but it was a futile effort. As she zoned out during her piano lessons, she would find herself mentally going through the movements to cast different charms.

It was painful to be thinking about things from the life that had been ripped away from her, to know that what she was thinking about would never come to pass, that she would never be able to wield magic - and yet she couldn’t find herself able to stop.

As Eloise picked out one of the books and settled into her armchair, a steely resolve overcame her.

She would prove that she deserved to be there, and was just as capable as any of they were. She would make her parents regret ever discarding her like she was nothing.

She was worthy. She was capable. And she would prove it.

The morning of September 1st dawned cold and rainy. Absolutely perfect.

Eloise had pretended to be sick the night before, and no one had suspected a thing when she stayed in bed long after all of the other girls had gotten ready and headed to breakfast. As the last of the chattering faded away down the hallway, Eloise finally got out of bed and prepared herself for the day. It was difficult to sit still long enough to braid her hair. Her fingers wouldn’t stop trembling and she had to restart countless times. Finally, she tied the black ribbon at the end into a neat bow and turned to the drawer of her desk to retrieve the small purple pouch she had hidden away.

Everything she deemed important enough to come along with her had already been placed inside: the books from Professor Fig, the hair ribbons gifted to her by her brother many years ago, and some clothing. Nothing else was coming with. She needed the fresh start. Besides, anything else she might need would be supplied, as her acceptance letter had specifically stated that any school supplies would be provided to her.

Waiting the hours before noon came along proved to be more difficult than Eloise had imagined. Time seemed to be moving slower than the molasses that had come with the breakfast sent up to her, the steady patter of the rain becoming a sort of metronome keeping time as she paced back and forth. Wasn’t there anything that could distract her, even for a bit? She glanced at the clock. Only five minutes had passed since the last time. 10.35.

The second hand ticking away in tandem with the sound of rain splashing against her window.

What if this was all a trick? What if she arrived at Hogwarts, and they turned her away because they realized they had made a mistake? After all, why would they admit a sixteen-year-old? Surely she was too old; every other student had started Hogwarts at the age of twelve and had shown signs of magic much earlier than that. She still hadn’t shown any signs of magical capability whatsoever, and didn’t feel any different than she had before receiving the letter. It had to be a fluke.

As her thoughts started veering into the melancholy she was prone to, she shook her head. No. Today was a happy, exciting day. She wasn’t going to squash the optimism down today, not when she needed it most. All of these thoughts she was having were simply that: thoughts. Not reality. Hogwarts never made a mistake, and in all of the history books she had read, she couldn’t recall an instance of someone being turned away at the door. Granted, she had also never heard of someone being admitted so late. But, better to focus on what she did know, which was that she had gotten the letter. It must be right in its assumption that she had magic.

Trying to pass the time was easier said than done. She ended up quizzing herself on all of the charms she had memorized in the books sent by Professor Fig, moving an imaginary wand in the precise movements needed to successfully cast and focusing on her pronunciation. She had studied all of these forms late into both nights she had had the books, and when she would eventually close her eyes to sleep, the wand movements were all she saw.

Eloise was determined that she would receive pity from nobody. Nobody was going to look at her like she was lacking. She had gotten enough of that to last a lifetime, and now that she was given this opportunity she wasn’t about to waste it.

When noon finally struck, Eloise was ready and waiting. She eagerly grabbed the gobstone that was sitting on her desk and felt the familiar tugging sensation in her navel as she was whisked away to London and the beginning of her new life.

next chapter

[sukibenders]

Racism and misogynoir are so apparent in fandom, especially when it comes to shipping because why is it when a white male, sometimes female but I see it more with the former, character is on screen with a love interest, particularly woc, especially if they're black, and even with all the emotional scenes or just moments where they look at one another in ways different from the rest, it's met with "No, they aren't dating/the show is not going to put them together" but let the other love interest be white as well and suddenly it all makes sense? Heck, the examples I mentioned above don't even have to exist between the latter for some to STILL go and believe this rhetoric (eg. some Jace and Helaena shippers because, even if these two only interacted with a dance but yet we see Baela console Jace, after he seeks her out, apparently it's to far fetched to believe that Jacela could be a thing?!)

Sometimes it could be a headcanon that, largely, would make sense (and oftentimes was birth due to lack of respect that the poc characters could have been given by the writers *cough* TVD *cough*), and yet you'd still have people dismissing it left and right and spewing hate. At a HEADCANON! And I'm not saying that just because the other person in the ship is poc that you have to ship them, I'm not, but it's very apparent to many poc fans in fandom that unless the characters are swapping spit and doing the nasty, the possibility of them being viewed in any romantic lens feels too much of stretch even though their white counterparts don't have to jump through the same loops.

[snailmug]

bitches out here dont understand the inherent romanticism of being narative foils