#literally not once as an adult have i ever missed childhood or looked back on it with any wistfulness or longing

[flowercrowngods]

felt like letting mike and steve work through some shit again

cw: descriptions and imagery of them being lost and self-sacrificing, left alone with trauma they have no means to work through, could read as suicidal tendencies or intrusive thoughts

🤍 also on ao3

“What do you want?” Mike asks when Steve sits down beside him, gravel crunching, their feet dangling over the dark and endless abyss that is the quarry at night.

Steve doesn’t answer right away, doesn’t really know what to say now that he’s here, now that he found him. He looks so small, now more than ever, and it reminds Steve so painfully that he’s still just a child. He was always just a child, and children shouldn’t—

It feels like they got their rights at a childhood revoked years ago, and then they were just… supposed to be okay with it. It was expected, it was implied when nobody came to talk to them after.

When all they got was one NDA after another. When none of the professionally trained adults took one look at the children that they were, and asked, Are you okay? What do you need to be okay? I will talk to you once a week and make sure you learn how to be okay again.

Steve feels like a big brother to most of the kids now, sure, but he’s not their shrink, and he sucks when it comes to actually talking about shit. He can be there to drive them anywhere, can provide an evening of distractions and as much of a sanctuary as a house as haunted as his can be.

With everything else, though, he’s helplessly lost. So he says nothing, weighs his words to make sure they come out right — especially for Mike, who’s always just waiting for him to say something wrong and throw it back in his face with the sunny disposition of a feral, rabid cat.

“Hey,” Mike says then, irritated again; but his voice is hoarse, too. Tired. No heat behind it after that stupid fight with Dustin and Lucas earlier tonight that made him snap and leave Steve’s house in a frenzy. “I said, What do you want?”

Steve shrugs, looking ahead into the darkness that feels endless and alluring and deeply terrifying.

I miss my friend! My best friend, Mike!

“Making sure you’re okay.”

You’ve changed, you know that? You’re not the guy who would jump off a cliff for me anymore, I don’t think I even know you anymore!

Dustin’s voice echoes in Steve’s mind as it undoubtedly does in Mike’s, too, and he can only imagine how much that hurts, especially if he’s shivering like that even though the night is warm for early September.

“I’m okay,” Mike says, sounding endlessly annoyed about the fact. Steve almost huffs out a humourless laugh. Yeah, right.

“Sure you are,” Steve says, keeping his tone carefully neutral.

He shrugs off his jacket and drapes it over Mike’s shoulders without a comment, half-expecting him to just throw it into the darkness below. But Mike doesn’t move, is eerily still beside him, pretending not to notice that Steve’s watching him.

“But you know it’s, like,” he starts again and trails off, looking for the right words because this is unfamiliar terrain and the ground beneath his feet is quite literally nonexistent. “It’s fine if you’re not, right? It’s actually really fucking normal to be more than a little fucked up after everything, all that crazy shit. Or just… in general.”

You were twelve, he wants to say. You were twelve and you jumped off from here. You were twelve and you were going to die. And not because of those monsters, not yet. Just because… you were twelve.

Mike doesn’t say anything, but the gravel crunches once more as he reaches for a handful of stones to throw them into the darkness one by one, the void beneath them so enormous that they don’t even hear the noise of impact.

You jumped.

The longer Mike remains silent, the more Steve wants to scream, wants to grab him by the shoulders and shake him, wants to make him see and understand that Steve knows about the scars a decision like that leaves, especially when you live to deal with the consequences.

He gets seizures to deal with the consequences. His ear is fucky, his eye is twitchy, his head is aching constantly, he gets migraines that knock him out for a day or two, all because he wanted to protect his friends. All because he did protect his friends. It worked. They’re safe.

But they’re also unaware of… of everything. Of the horrible stillness as clarity dawns and all signs point to the one way that always seems to work. The one easy way out, and still the hardest of them all when the plan goes wrong and he makes it out alive. When It’s gotta be me is the only thing to say, but later turns into an angry It never should have been me because the world looks different when it’s smeared with your blood.

And it’s always the lost boys who make decisions like that. Steve wonders, some nights in cold sweat, what happens if he makes these decisions without immediate danger. What happens if he just… decides to jump. Decides to run. To give the world more of his blood. Without saving anyone.

It’s not like he wants to — but he’s terrified that it’s just who he is. Who he’s turned into, terrified that his friends will forever expect him to.

And he’s even more terrified knowing that Mike jumped before he learned about monsters. Before he learned about fighting and surviving.

You were a kid, he wants to say again, but his throat is closing up on him.

“I don’t think that’s okay actually,” Mike says after a while, tearing Steve away from his fears. They’re still both looking ahead rather than at each other, but it’s fine. They’re still here. “Like, people say it is, but it feels so empty when they do, you know? Like, sure, yeah, I’m not fucking okay, but what the hell do we do about that now? Oh, right, I know! Let’s throw it in my face that I’m not good enough for you anymore now that there’s no monsters to kill anymore. Now that I’m just Mike, who’s not even enough to be that anymore, sure. Right. Yeah. Let’s pretend it’s all fine, Steve, let’s pretend it’s okay to hurt all the fucking time!”

Mike is shaking now, violent tremors running through his body, and Steve’s first instinct is to reach out and pull him close, to keep him from that edge and take him to his car; turn on the heating and talk there. But Mike seems to need the darkness, seems to need to be faced with endless depth to give voice to his thoughts.

“What Dustin said was messed up. He shouldn’t have said that.”

Mike shrugs, throwing more pebbles into the darkness, though his motions have lost their vigour. “He’s right, though.”

Steve sighs, though not unkindly. “No, he’s not. Hey, listen to me.” He waits until Mike turns to meet his eyes, and he leans forward. “It’s not okay. It’s not right what he said. You don’t deserve to have that shit thrown in your face just because Dustin is a tactless little douche bag.”

Taking a bullet for someone is not the baseline for friendship, he wants to say, and it occurs to him once again how fucked up their perception and idea of friendship must be, now that they’ve all bonded over the most horrific shit and actual grief they never learned how to work through.

It’s not even Dustin’s fault, not really. They’re all just collateral damage to something Bigger, and all they have is each other, leaving them in a vicious cycle that is so, so fucked up.

“Why’d you jump?” he asks eventually, quiet in case the darkness tries to listen in. “Back then, why did you jump?” And do you wish El had let you? Do you sometimes wish that? When your room is quiet and it’s only you living with all those silent, terrible decisions?

Mike shrugs again, but there’s not much fight left in him, Steve can see that, can feel it in the air between them.

“Will was gone,” he says like it explains everything— and it sort of does. Steve has seen the way these boys look at each other when the other’s not looking, he has seen the hurt and the anger and the gentleness stored there, the words unspoken and the fear that, despite interdimensional monsters, kinda goes unmatched.

Because they have each other. They only have each other. And if someone’s suddenly different than what they thought they knew, if someone’s suddenly different, then… Everything might just fall apart.

And Steve wants to grab him again; wants to pull him close and say, I’m the same. We have the same scars. We have the same!

Slowly, carefully, he does lean over now, weaving an arm around Mike’s shoulders and pulling him into his side.

“I get that.”

Mike swallows heavily and exhales shakily. “I don’t think you do.”

“No. I think I really, really do. But it’s okay, Mike. You won’t be alone with this, okay. I’m on your side, you little shit.”

A pause, a beat, a moment’s respite. Then, “Why?”

“Because,” his heart is racing, his mouth trembling around forming the words for the first time, but he knows it’s the right thing to do. Knows it’s important.

Knows it might just save a life.

“Because I fell harder for Eddie Munson than I ever thought possible, and once i found out what was happening, I kind of wanted to jump off a cliff, too. But I didn’t, because I had someone with the same fears as me, and instead of stupid shit we just… Cried together sometimes. Screamed into our pillows. Laughed with and at each other, calling ourselves hopeless, and— I don’t know. It’s really fucking scary, and that doesn’t go away just because you have someone to talk to. But it‘s… better. It’s so much better.”

He huffs, swallowing around the lump in his throat, smiling into the darkness.

“So I’ve got you, okay? Whatever it is, whatever makes you feel like it’s not fucking okay, I’ve got you. You come to me, yeah? Lucas does, Dustin does, even Max does. This is your official, standing invitation and whatever, okay, dickhead?”

Mike shoves at him lightly, still not parting from the rather awkward side-hug they’ve got going on, and Steve is glad for it.

“Okay, okay, geez,” the little shithead says, rolling his eyes which Steve can see even in the dark, and it feels like the edge has moved away from them, like they have solid ground beneath their feet again.

Steve doesn’t say anything more after that, just waiting for Mike to stir to lead him back to the car, load in his bike and take him wherever he feels like spending the night.

But Mike doesn’t move for another long while, and it makes Steve feel like something big has just happened between them. Like they finally have found the common ground that Steve’s been suspecting they had for months now, even years.

Eventually, as they make their way to the car and Mike goes to grab his bike, he speaks up again, but more subdued now.

“Hey, Steve?”

“Hmm?”

“Does… Does Eddie know?”

“About what?” My tendencies to take a leap off the edge?

“You. Being…”

“Oh!” A smile as he unlocks his car and opens the back door to squeeze Mike’s old bike in there with minimal smears of dirt. “I’d hope so, we’ve been dating for months.”

“You’re dating?! You? Eddie’s dating you?”

“Yeah, listen, do you want me to just leave you here or would you rather be thrown out in the middle of nowhere?”

Mike grumbles something unintelligible as he climbs into the front seat, waiting for Steve to start the engine before he speaks up again.

“It’s just, you’re so… How did you even do that?”

Steve laughs at that, disbelieving and all, because, “Trust me, I have no idea. Must have been the ol’ Harrington charm and all that.”

Mike rolls his eyes and crosses his arms in front of his chest, sinking lower in the seats to pout. “You’re so lame.”

“Sorry, I couldn’t hear you over how much I have a boyfriend and you don’t.”

If his heart skips a beat because it still feels like a forbidden truth saying the word out loud despite the playful banter, then he’s ignoring that in favour of revving the engine.

“Asshole.”

“Dickhead.”

“Grow up,” Mike says, but Steve can see the smile he’s not even trying to hide, and he mirrors it with his own as he turns on the radio catching the final tunes of Springsteen’s Dancing in the Dark.

They’re not okay, none of them. But the car is warm, the cliff’s edge is behind them, and they’re not listening to the same ten songs anymore.

They’re getting better, step by tiny step.

[blughxreader]

hi! i dont think i can ever get enough of yan! platonic! Batfam 🥲 can i get a neglected reader who has successfully escaped, only to come back to gotham by some unprecedented causes a few years later? i have plans to write a fic like this and want some inspiration (and to fill the yandere batfam tag)

Platonic Yandere!Bruce, Dick, Jason with a darling who escaped and returned to Gotham

Headcanons, WC: 1,048

Notes: SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! This ask is five months old lol. I had to cut out the baby boys to finish </3 If I can come up with ideas for Damian and Tim then I'll add to it.

Bruce

The weight of Bruce’s mistakes hangs over his head every day, but his mistakes with you are by-far the heaviest.

He should have appreciated you more. He should have told you what you meant to him. Instead, he let you feel invisible. It kills him.

When you’re spotted in Gotham years later, he can hardly believe it.

He’ll drop everything and go straight to you, deploying all the boys to ensure you don’t slip away. If it’s daytime, Bruce Wayne will make a rare appearance and corner you with paparazzi, and if it’s nighttime, then Batman will swipe you off the streets before you can cry out.

He’ll forgive every outburst you give. You’re furious and he understands—he considers your anger entirely his fault so he’ll give you a lot of slack.

Bruce will drown you in gifts. Because Batman takes up so much time (and it was lack of attention that drove you away in the first place) he’ll try every means at demonstrating his love. Gifts, vacation homes, front row seats to events (with strict supervision).

This version of Bruce would keep you under 50 cameras and a body guard at all times, but he’s also very conscious of your mental health. Where he’d be able to guiltlessly lock you up forever if he hasn’t neglected you, he can’t in this timeline. Your life would be heavily supervised, but you’d also get a lot of perks.

He would make a routine with you.

Every morning, he’d eat breakfast with you, and every Friday would be a special dinner with just the two of you. His hours are valuable so it means a lot for him to carve out the time just for you.

Dick Grayson

Dick prides himself on his strong leadership and generosity. Ask anyone whose ever met Dick to describe him, and they could list pages of positive traits. So it's a wonder how you, his precious little darling, managed to be overlooked by him.

Guilt literally eats him alive. Dick begins to second-guess every interaction with you, going over all clues he might have missed. He throws himself into the investigation looking for you, investigating every single fact you've ever mentioned about yourself.

When you finally return, he's dead-set on making up for lost time.

Dick wouldn’t approve of your reasoning for leaving. You should have told him--should have insisted on being heard--instead of leaving. He feels terrible that you were neglected, but he feels worse knowing that you’d rather be thrown to the wolves than seek their help.

It's a steep learning curve for him to realize you're not the lonely child you once were, but instead a bitter, jaded young adult who confides in only themself.

Dick drowns you in attention. He tries forcing your innocence back, not accepting your refusals and anger. You're still so young, and even if the sparkling child-like hope is missing from your eyes, Dick still believes he can make things right.

Family bonding time is a must. He arranges play-time with you and Damian. He insists on Sunday movie nights. He learns how to cook new dishes with you and Alfred. He will keep you busy.

These activities are only a surface solution for a deeper problem. Fundamentally, you've changed, and Dick knows this. He has no idea how to treat you now, so he resorts to what he does know--your childhood he missed out on.

Jason Todd

Jason is particularly torn. He knows what its like to feel abandoned, yet he realized too late that he was the perpetrator.

When you are finally back in the arms of the Batfamily, Jason has no idea what role to take in your life. He sees you turning down the family when they offer love and he doesn't know if his heart could take your rejection.

Jason is stand-offish. Playing the role of "tough older brother" doesn't bode well, so he needs time to rework his philosophy on handling siblings.

Instead, he does your bidding. He would help fix whatever unprecedented reasons that led you to return to Gotham, no questions asked. If you need to pass a letter on to a friend, Jason is your guy. His regular possessive yandere tendencies are hampered by his guilt, so he'll be very lenient with you as long as it's nothing dangerous.

The fact that you escape and survived by yourself cast you into a new light in Jason’s eyes. He thinks you’re impressive, dependable, capable. He wonders how he didn’t see it sooner.

That being said—you’re his little sibling. You shouldn’t have to be so strong, and Jason wants to ensure you’ll never have another reason to protect yourself.

He hopes that over time, you'll trust him. He wants to be able to sit with you and talk about whatever is on your mind, to be able to hug you as he leaves for work, and to send you off to bed when it's late.

But right now, you need space. He'll let you heal, and he'll take whatever anger you give him. Because he knows that this is the only way you'll let him into your life again.

Bonus: Y/N

Considering Y/N was clever enough to escape the Waynes while also having the willpower to return to Gotham shows that they’re intelligent, good-hearted, and forged from steel.

They probably rank somewhere between lawful-good to chaotic-neutral. (A lawful-neutral would be infuriated by the Waynes’ underhanded tactics, and probably wouldn’t return to Gotham.)

Y/N is done yearning for attention (or, if they were originally kidnapped, done with playing nice), so they’re immune to the Batfam’s manipulation.

Upon first glance at the Batfam after all those years, they’d immediately go fight or flight. Y/N would pull every dirty trick in the book to escape, and would be as hateful as possible to kill any affection they have for them.

After being kidnapped, Y/N gets very good at playing mind games and deflecting their submission tactics. They’d be able to manipulate the household like a giant game of chess.

Y/N’s only weakness is the child inside of them that still cries for their family’s approval.

The conflict revolves around how the Batfam can extort this weakness vs. how well Y/N can stay true to their values.

[carolmunson]

vacation diaries - entry three

eddie keeps a journal while at the inn with you in northern indiana. a blurb series starting from the first morning after ’before there was a before’. entries: one, two

warning: minors dni, 18+, adult themes, references to smut, references to ejaculation/hand stuff. mulling about issues in relationships. some angst. some fluff.

what a day we had yesterday, considering i had no idea what to do. i haven't been up here since i was a kid, and we only went once or twice cause some girlfriend wayne had liked coming up here in the summer. there's like, three feet of snow everywhere you turn now. can't really take her to the dunes or anything, or the beach. it's freezing. but, in true munson fashion, i figured it out because i had to.

there's this mansion out here that's definitely more fun during halloween but they still had their christmas stuff up and running, so i took her to this little tour of it. can't believe i love someone so much that i can overlook her preferring christmas over halloween. she was so excited. she kept looking over at me and smiling and i felt like i was in grade school. like i'm on some fucking field trip with my crush.

i never forget how cute she is, but there was something about her today. when it got dark she asked if we could maybe go look at some christmas lights since steve didn't couldn't take her this year. that had always been their thing, he'd make them both hot chocolate in little thermoses and take her out in the nice part of town where they do it really big. it's probably the only thing he's better at making than me. i absolutely am mad about it but i never want him to tell me because i love the little wink he gives me whenever i ask how he does it.

i miss that fucking asshole.

anyway.

we went on a little drive and looked at lights but subbed the hot chocolate for drive thru coffee. lucky us because we found a drive-in and she begged me to stop even though she didn't have to. i'd literally drive into a ditch if she asked me. they only had 'it's a wonderful life' playing and it was half way through when we got there but since the place was mostly empty they let us stay. got her some snacks and we got settled in the back with the doors open. i haven't kissed on a girl like that since i was seventeen. almost completely ruined my jeans.

we stopped back at that diner from yesterday for dinner and i swear to ozzy it was better than where we went last night. no one does a cheeseburger like a shitty midwest diner. it hurt but i did give her the pickle it came with. i ate half of her fries to make it even.

she got a chocolate milkshake. sometimes she's so cute that it makes me mad. (i was sort of mad that she didn't share it with me). i think she's afraid to act like a kid around steve. i don't mean the whole daddy thing, but i think she's afraid to indulge in stuff that seems immature because she doesn't want him to look down on her. like she's nervous that if she's not doing what she thinks he wants that he'll be mad, but i think he'd prefer to see her like this. maybe he's just so caught up in throwing out his own childhood that she thinks she has to do it too. i don't think i've ever seen him order something fun off a menu just because. he barely even eats pancakes.

we stayed outside for a while, laying in the back of the van with the doors open just to look at the stars out here. it was cold as fuck but she put her hand in my coat pocket just to hold mine. i think our hands will end up fused together like some cronenberg monstronsity by the time we get back to hawkins (very metal). she knows all the constellations and where all the planets are. i didn't know that about her. can you believe that? she's been around since '89 and i didn't know she knew all this shit about the stars. i feel like i'm meeting her for the first time every day that we're up here.

we made out again last night before we went to bed, did some hand stuff. i've never cum so fast in my fucking life and she said she was sorry. i asked if she ever even knew what she was saying sorry for anymore. and she just said 'i'm always sorry, just in case'. i know she hates being hot in bed, but i couldn't let go of her last night. i don't want her to be sorry anymore. i just want her to be okay.

-ed

[irregularbillcipher]

hey sam I apologize if this gives you psychic damage but your lisaposting always makes me think about how I first heard of the game recently because someone on twt was like oh the game is about a strong manly father providing for his child only to have people correct them on the game actually dealing with parental abuse and ive been curious about the game ever since

NO IT'S OKAY i have. seen that post. that person does not understand the game, to put it lightly

the game makes it really clear that while brad, the main character of the central game in the series, thinks that what he's doing is protecting his daughter, he is, in reality, perpetuating the cycle of abuse

tw for discussions of abuse below

brad is a deeply pitiable character, whose childhood was defined by physical, emotional and sexual abuse towards both him and his little sister, the titular lisa, at the hands of their father. brad's main goal as an adult is to protect his adopted daughter from the abuse he and his sister faced, which his sister did not survive-- so in his mind, when his daughter buddy goes missing in a (genuinely very dangerous) apocalypse, where she is supposedly the only girl left in a world of horrifically damaged men, he's protecting her by going after her. he's protecting her by teaching her to defend herself through any violent means necessary, he's protecting her by withholding physical and emotional affection, he's protecting her by completely isolating her from the world. and it's sad! it's pitiable! you can trace so easily how a man who went through what he did would come to the conclusion that this is the only way to protect his little girl, especially in a world where she can so easily be hurt

and the game doesn't even say he's wrong about the fact that buddy is vulnerable, and could be abused. the game never physically shows the worst acts of abuse, but it's clear that brad and lisa went through hell as children, and that buddy also goes through hell. she is abused after she leaves, people are disgusting to her, and even more "well-meaning" people still strive to take her autonomy away for the "good of the world"

... but she's also abused before then, even though brad never once lay a hand on her and would have rather killed himself than done so

because at the end of the game, (SPOILERS,) you kneel at your daughter's feet, dying a horrible death as your addiction consumes you in the most literal possible way, begging, telling her you only ever wanted to make it so nobody could ever hurt her, and she looks you in the eyes and says "you're the one who hurt me most." because you were supposed to be her fucking dad, and you kept her holed up in an affectionate-less home, down in a basement, training how to kill a man in case one ever tried to hurt her, refusing to even let her call you "dad" because of your own trauma around fatherhood, so trapped that she didn't even know what the sky looked like until she was like ten

and the last choice of the main game is you as buddy, trying to figure out if you want to hug brad as he dies, and his last words are asking you if he did the right thing

brad is a deeply sad character. he's a man who loved his daughter and wanted to do whatever he could to mitigate the harm that could come to her, to make absolutely sure she did not suffer in the way he and his sister did growing up... and he broke some of the cycles. he is not the type of monster his own father was, he really isn't, but he did abuse buddy, and that's the point of the ending. buddy didn't want to go back home, she couldn't go back home, because you never made it a fucking home, and you never acted like an actual parent

as a side note, there are other fathers you can pick up as party members in the game, none of which have still-living children. they are mad dog, olan, and birdie. thematically, i think they're incredibly important

mad dog is an abuser, full stop-- a man who killed his son for not being "strong enough," who hates his children deeply, whose views on parenting are the most social darwinist "survival of the fittest, we need a strong bloodline" bullshit on the planet. a lot of his deal embodies some of the horrible fears brad has about his own parenting, that he will become an out-and-out abuser, and some of the actions that brad really does take, in forcing buddy to kill to become "stronger." his reasoning is different from mad dog, but the abusive action is there, and the conversation you can have with him in the newest update is framed as if you're being welcomed into hell. it's hopeless, bleak, deranged and cruel. it's one of brad's worst fears for himself

olan is a genuinely pleasant, likable guy, who had two daughters before the end of the world. olan did not kill his children, he did not hate his children, he did not seem to ever lay a hand against his children... but he neglected them. he neglected his girls, he neglected his wife, "even when he was there, he wasn't really there." he would have rather spent his time in his garage, downing whiskey and practicing archery, and in the newest update, he tearfully tells brad that his daughters never needed him anyway, that girls never really need their fathers. brad was also neglected, his father was an addict, he is an addict-- olan is another facet of brad's family trauma, another fear of what he could be. someone who never knowingly hurts his children, who is never cruel, but someone who fails his kids anyway. we never learn olan's daughters' names. he talks about them, some of their traits, but he never names them. after more than a decade, it's possible he doesn't even remember them-- he's not responsible for their deaths, but god did he fail them

birdie was, as far as canon implies, a decent dad. (and my favorite character, he's my icon.) birdie is, in his current state, a sweet but incedibly messy alcoholic mourning the deaths of his boys, but pre-apocalypse, he was a single father struggling to pay for his sons' medical treatments. there is nothing in birdie's backstory that implies in any way that he abused them, was cruel to them, or that he ever purposefully neglected them. his son joey died to a serious illness "that couldn't be treated on a dock worker's budget." his son jimmy killed himself after the death of his brother. (i think it's notable to mention that brad's sister, lisa, also killed herself.) birdie could not cope with the loss of both his boys, and it kickstarted his addiction. brad, who grew up in poverty, who is raising a daughter in a world where nobody can know she exists, has never had resources. birdie also never had resources, as a single dad with a tight budget, and no other family ever mentioned. birdie, in modern day, eats himself up with guilt, does anything he can to numb the pain-- it's pretty easy to draw a parallel between his addiction, spurred by his inability to save his family, and brad's addiction, fueled in large part by his inability to save lisa. birdie did care, he didn't do anything wrong, but he also failed his kids, and he's also now been defined by that

mad dog is brad's fears that he will be an abuser. olan is his fears that he will be neglectful, (with fears due to his addiction being sprinkled in as well.) birdie is his fear that even if he technically does everything right, chance, a lack of resources, and things beyond his control could still make him lose his daughter anyway. (birdie also plays into his fears about addiction, i think, because while birdie's time struggling with addiction never overlapped with the period where his boys were alive, brad's still being faced with an alcoholic father, and someone who uses alcohol and drugs to cope with the loss of young family members and the guilt over being unable to save them. it's also worth mentioning that birdie has design similarities to both brad and to brad's horrible father marty, despite being the only "good" dad in the game)

there is no father in this series that saves their child. from the horrible, no-gray-area-about-it abusive monsters to the shitty-but-never-cruel deadbeats to the guys who seemed to genuinely be doing their best with the cards they were dealt-- none of them, none of them save their children. none of them, including brad, and the idea that lisa is about some righteous quest to save your daughter is so insane that even brad doesn't fully believe it by the ending moments of the game

[giggly-squiggily]

today is my first day on my new job in an elementary school and i've spent all morning watching kids do kids stuff so here's a crumb of modern au sanemi:

since no demons and family still alive his trauma is obv not as severe as in canon but due to his dad being awful and him helping his mother raise his siblings he still missed out on a ton of childhood. so some things which are "childish" or are supposed to be "boring" to adults but fun for kids (fountains, rainbows, balloons etc, it's also why he has such a sweet tooth) gets him stupidly excited. it's very rare for him to actually show it so when it happens for the first time everyone is completely taken off guard but also ends up thinking it's so cute

like they're out at night and kanae just hears "holy fuck" and she turns around to sanemi watching some firelights with the biggest smile on his face. tengen and obanai get him a stuffed animal for his birthday as a joke and he literally starts crying. him and akaza bond over getting super hyped for some fireworks when no one else wants to go out in the snow and watch. he'll never ever say it out loud but blowing out candles is his birthday highlight every single year.

Rey! *hugs* First of all: Congrats on the new job!!! I hope the day is full of fun and excitement for you and the kiddos! They're gonna love you! :3

Secondly: KWEJEJKLREKJLRJKLERJKEJJ AHHHHHHH?!?!?! That's so dang CUTE! *sobs* I'm obsessed with this holy-

Sanemi being such a kid over this stuff but then getting all flustered because "I'm an adult I shouldn't act like this" while everyone else is dying from how cute these rare moments are is so akjrjearjej The first time they see fire lights and he's grinning like that Kanae has a mini heart attack and is fighting everything in her being not to squeal and hug him because she doesn't wanna make him feel self conscious but at the same time she wants to take a picture so bad!!! (She might have ala fake selfie- it's her new wallpaper)

AND THE STUFFED ANIMAL!!! It would be something cute too- maybe a wolf? (Or a turtle. I don't know why- Sanemi just looks like a turtle to me akljrjkearjejkrjk) It's not a huge cry but his eyes get all misty and he's hugging it close and Tengen and Obanai are all: "!!!!" like "ah crap we went too far" but then Sanemi' smiling against it and kinda wetly thanks them

Obanai and Tengen are just:

Literally have to walk away a few steps cause it's just too damn CUTE! Tengen might be a bit dramatic cause of course he is and fall to his knees holding his chest while Obanai has to lean on something. Then they go right back to messing with him and goofing around like usual on his birthday kjrjaerjkaekj

The fireworks THE FIREWORKS! Akaza's already running up the hill dragging him like: "Let's go come on, come on! They're about to start!" They're like two little kids and spend all night up there side by side as the fireworks go off. Sanemi loves it cause he never got the chance to enjoy fireworks like this and Akaza loves it cause now he gets to enjoy them with company (Rengoku isn't a fan of them- the popping and explosions make his skin crawl with anxiety) so it's a win win all around!

The candles oh my! He gets all eye-rolly like: "I'm a grown man- I don't need candles." But everyone can see the light in his eyes before he closes them momentarily, making a wish before blowing them out. It's the one thing they don't tease him on; mainly cause they get him for everything else and this is the thing they want to stick around for as long as possible. (okay maybe they tease him alittle- Tengen once coated the cake with 20+ candles for jokes until Rengoku threatened to spray him down with a fire extinguisher. Since then they've stuck to the number candles.)

Thank you for sharing- this was so sweet! TwT

[clatoera]

uni application season has made me drop off the face of the earth so i'm extremely late coming to this chapter... but omg glim glam and cato.. TRAUMA BONDING?!?!?

cato with a gun. that's the entire review.

i love how simple this chapter is with the most infinite lore ever!!! clove can cook! what! how did that start, what was her favorite recipe, does she partake in... girl dinner?? so many questions.

glimmer with finnick kind of gives the platonic soulmates vibe. i just love how comfortable they are with each other and how much they have this underlying love & respect towards each other even though the other can fuck them over. ugh my beautiful capitol ruined babies.

"“It is. But you can’t change it now. I want to hate you, Finnick. I want to hate you, but then I remember being seventeen and terrified and in pain and you being the only one who could sit with me while I cried in the shower. I want to hate you but you were the one who carried me home after those terrible procedures, every time I cried because I thought I was bleeding to death, Finnick... I want to hate you but it’s hard to hate you when you look so pathetic.” Glimmer takes the risk, reaching her hand out to place it on top of Finnick’s. “How can I hate you, after we ended up in the same terrible sinking boat again.”"

LIKE WHAT? do you have no shame in just ripping out my heart in broad daylight?!?! 'it's hard to hate you when you look so pathetic' is so funny but so sad when you compare it to katniss saying it's hard to be angry at someone who cries so often back in mockingjay. UGH. justice for finnick, he better not die this time around.

CATO WITH A GUN. cato... with a GUN. there should be a hunger games with pipe bombs in it and i think we should place cato in it just for the giggles. i also love how the second they're back with weapons they just revert back to the academy mindset of Kill The Enemy which used to be other tributes but now has morphed into actual treason. well! sucks to be snow i guess! especially now that glim glam is getting her pink gun (which is also bejeweled in my mind)

love it as always! love u! it's all amazing thank u!

Hi bestie! I understand! I am actively working on residency applications as well so I totally understand. I'm actually waiting for my board scores to be released Wednesday so thats why I haven't posted/written another chapter yet, I am literally in too much distress to think of anything else until wednesday afternoon (think of me bc i'm going through it).

Cato and Glimmer trauma bonding was immediately part of the plan once I decided to take Glim Glam to 13. That was a without a doubt going to happen sort of situation if they were together here.

Thank you! The whole idea if these couple of chapters is to establish their lives in 13 and what will happen in a world without the people they love and without anyone to ground them!

Soooo yes Clove can cook. That comes from her childhood, in which she was a neglected little girl in charge of her own meals and keeping herself alive. She learned how to make her little sandwiches and keep herself afloat another day, at like..6...before she went to training at the academy. It compounded in her adult hood as a way to use her knives and keep up to date on fine knifework skills. I think she really got into it once she won and had the time and means to try new recipes. They seem like steak people. Good roast chicken people. I think Miss Clove would participate in girl dinner if not for the fact she's also responsible for feeding her 6'3 man friend who most definitely could not survive on girl dinner with grapes and rice crackers.

Glimmer and Finnick..have gone through a LOT together. They are TRULY trauma bonded and have been working on that bond about 7 years tbh. They have gone through a LOT and they went through a lot TOGETHER. They love each other and they DO respect each other, after all they've been through, they are life long friends. As they deserve.

I did hope it would rip your heart out, if for no other reason than I think it's fun to hear your reaction. I kid i kid but seriously the heart to heart HAD to happen. They had to make up from the whole "hahah no I didn't tell you about a whole rebellion" thing. And while she isn't happy about it, she can't hate him anymore. Not after what they've experienced together and also...because he DOES look pathetic with his little knots.

Cato with a MF gun. That can't even entirely be credited to me. That was honestly @ohhowwehavefallen sending me a tik tok that sent this into existence. She should get credit tbh.

Being back with weapons like..it's almost a comfort for them. It's how they were raised, it's like your favorite stuffed animal after not seeing it for a long time. This is what they know! Weapons! Kill! Enjoy treason! Glimmer has a bedazzled glock everyone watch out!

thank you thank you thank you my love! I am sorry this took me so long, I have been stressing MASSIVE amounts over these exam scores and it's disoriented me!

love you long time bb @lwveless

[bradenthompson]

Book Announcement: Illcontinuum! (available now)

There's something buried under Wishkah Shopping Center.

Or that was the story Junior heard growing up.

Now that Junior's an adult, all his friends have moved away, and all the remaining artifacts of his childhood have been demolished or remodeled, 

Wishkah Shopping Center is all that remains of the world he was once so comfortable living in.

Now Wishkah is earmarked for implosion, and Junior had precious little time to confirm or deny the biggest mystery of his youth.

An eclectic dirge through a sacred retail monolith, equal parts silent and expired yet lively and inexplicable, Junior finds a titanic mall fighting against its own damnation, producing "ghosts" of its previous tenants and slowly revealing the all-encompassing role it had always been playing in his life. All roads leading to the inconvenient reality that Wishkah shopping center isn't the only thing doomed.

illcontinuum.carrd.co

I thought I'd be announcing Illcontinuum was done and available four months ago, but given the release day and the personal circumstances which this book was completed under, time really is just a friendly suggestion.

This is a book that really snuck up on me, fueled largely by the feelings I needed to unpack following my graduation from college last summer. At no other stage of my life, at no graduational checkpoint, did I experience the same listlessness and grief I did in those first few weeks after unpacking my dorm and heading home for good. In my dreams I was back at college but, obviously, that dream college was exactly such. In the days before taking the podium I'd smoke weed and play arcade games downtown (ever spiral before? It's not without fun) -- unpacking, alone, what exactly I was going to miss.

And it was from those liquid lunches (I'd have a bag of funyuns or something from the vending machine) that Illcontinuum took shape. I've long dug on the notion of liminal spaces but, if you'll let me be real, I do not like the popular set of feelings this suburban phantom pain has taken. Why does it have to be scary? Hm? I'll be less of a sass; is horror, or dread, or melancholy, the only valid emotions we can explore regarding the retail/municipal monuments we leave to waste away in the crannies of our minds? I don't think so. I think in-between there's a very real warmth, and if Illcontinuum were to be listed among "new horror novels" I would worry I had done something wrong.

The end result of what proved to be a turbulent drafting process (probably the hardest time I've had writing one book) is what I think is my most complex and satisfying work. Not always clear and not always meant to be taken literally, the novel enters Wishkah shopping center within a few pages and does not leave until the curious and socially diminutive Junior is cracked open, leaking personal gooey stuff all over the tile.

I'm not sure how that last sentence came to be but I can't bring myself to rewrite it. Anyway...

While reading, feel free to replace details. Readers ought to bring themselves to the text regardless, but do not fight the moments where Junior becomes you (not You from Radiosault but you in specific) and Wishkah becomes the mall you remember but will never see again. Ask yourself what it is you'd be looking for were you given the chance to go back. And laugh a little--the book is funny.

Without further ado, enjoy Illcontinuum. And keep in mind the three initials you'll enter at the high score screen. I use BRA.

[missmouse25]

Hello !!!

I have another request for you :)

Can you write something where the reader and Max F are childhood best friends, they are like very close always cuddly around each other’s and they are not hiding it from everyone their friends, the fans… everyone are happy and they want them together

Thanksss :)

Hi Anon! This is such a cute prompt but don't worry... I got your other two asks as well and they're in the fic! I answered them here: 2nd ask and 3rd ask

❤️😬 hope you enjoy

My Best Friend - Max Fewtrell

gender neutral first person pov // 2123 words (thats a nice number) // tw swearing, tw death (reader's parents specifically), tw feelings of abandoment. just a little bit though (if i missed any other warnings please let me know and i'll put them in)

---

This was weird. Well, it was weird for a 7-year-old who knew nothing about cars, standing next to a go-kart track. The hustle and bustle of so many people, adults and kids, was overwhelming so I stuck to my dad’s side like a parasite.

My older brother had been interested in maybe racing so the whole family had packed up for the day and gone down to the local track to see what the fuss was all about and talk to the people who actually knew what was going on. In my mind, it was the most boring thing ever.

That was until a very kind lady offered for us to sit with them when it started raining and I had met my future best friend, Max Fewtrell.

It was basically like having two families growing up. If I wasn’t with my mom and dad at an event, you were sure to find me with the Fewtrell’s, usually with Max but if he was busy, I could be found with Aunty Louise.

She had been the one to tell me that my mother had passed away while I was staying at their house and she’d let me cry on her shoulder for hours. I was maybe 9 at the time, but she never told me to ‘be a big kid’ about the situation. And of course, Max was there for me too, fetching his hidden stash of sweets to share with me on the car ride to my house.

As an adult, when the doctors had told my brother and I that Dad had succumb to his injuries, Aunty Louise had been the first person I had called.

“Anything you need, darling,” she said again. “You let me know. You and Danny can stay with us for a few days if being at home is too much.”

I had thanked her over and over.

But when it came down to it, I found myself outside Max’s place. Without saying a word, Max had let me inside and I fell asleep that night with his arms around me as the grief took hold once again.

~

“Why don’t we go away for a bit?”

I looked up from my laptop at my best friend. Ok, friend maybe wasn’t the right word to use. Our relationship had grown to more than friend but it wasn’t a real relationship. We were each other’s safety nets; the place you always go back to. I had tried dating someone else once, awhile ago now, but it had never felt right; I never even kissed that person.

Not that I’d kissed Max. But he was someone I’d cuddled on the couch with countless times. Fallen asleep with in the same bed. I had held his hand the first time I’d tagged along to a Grand Prix and didn’t let go till we were back at the hotel. Oh, and there was that one time when I had accidentally seen him butt naked.

Plus, after some slightly ambiguous photos on Instagram, all his fans had decided that we were dating. Wish he would’ve told me that first.

“Go where?” I countered his question with a question.

“I don’t know, literally anywhere but here,” Max said sitting down next to me at his dining room table that we’d never eaten dinner at.  “Just for a week. We go away, we have some fun and come back home.”

“Aren’t you busy like all of the time?”

“I can make one week free to go away with my best friend.”

Max was smiling but he was serious. He had almost a puppy dog look in his eyes, pleading me to agree to his plan. That had never ended well in the past.

“Fine,” I sighed. “If you organise it all, I’ll go with.”

Max clapped his hands together in victory.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got this all under control.”

~

Max, in fact, did not have it all under control when I arrived at his house to find him still packing, an hour before we were supposed to be at the airport. Together we ran around like maniacs gathering all his stuff, shoving it in a suitcase and then shoving that suitcase into the car before driving off.

“Can you take my phone out and go to Instagram please.”

“What is so important on Instagram that it can’t wait till the airport?” I muttered as did what he asked.

“On my story can you put something up saying that I’ll be offline for the next week and to not contact me,” Max said, eyes still on the road.

“Sure…” I was already planning his demise. “I’m adding a bunch of unnecessary stickers though.”

“Oh my god, you’re so annoying!”

I just laughed as the airport finally came into sight.

~

The Airbnb Max had booked was lovely. Quaint, even. A room with two beds, a lounge and dining room area and of course the bathroom. But the lounge opened onto a small patio and the most whimsical garden I’d ever lain my eye on.

“Ok,” I came back into our room and sitting on my designated bed. “You made a good choice; this place is nice.”

Max just smiled as he unpacked. There was clearly something else on his mind, but I didn’t want to pry. If he wanted to tell me, he would.

“So, what are we going to do here for a week?”

“Hey, you told me to organise it, so I have. I’ve got everything planned out in my head.”

“In your head?” I teased him. “Since when have you been able to stick to a plan?”

“Hey, I used to be a racing driver remember?” He laughed as he spoke. “My whole life was just plans.”

“Touché.”

I flopped back onto the mattress and thanked the universe for my best friend.

~

The first few days were, thankfully, pretty uneventful. Life had been so busy for the last, I didn’t even know how long, it took being on a break for me to realise that I was exhausted. We’d walked around the neighbourhood, gone into town and browsed all the shops. We’d bought ice-cream in one of the parks and sat watching ducks float by. We’d taken photos of each other and together, even though we weren’t really the selfie types. I knew we needed to have this little trip on record; that it would be important to me.

And I’d nearly accidentally seen Max naked again after he came out of the bathroom with an unfastened towel around his waist. He’d been a bit embarrassed but I just laughed, falling backwards onto my bed and covering my eyes.

Max shuffled back into our room after making coffee, putting my cup on the little table between our beds. I stared down at the phone in my hands, at all the messages, but mostly the one from my brother.

‘I know you’re away but if you want to talk today, I’m here. Maybe when you’re back we can go and visit him. Love you’

“Everything alright?” Max asked, perching on his bed and sipping from his cup.

“Um… I guess?” A familiar, unwanted feeling was creeping into my chest. “It’s just… I didn’t realise. It’s been one year since…”

I had to stop myself as I felt the tears starting to form in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry, not now. Not while I was having such a good time with my best friend.

“I know,” Max said softly, his eyes down cast. “It’s one of the reasons I wanted to do this trip with you. We were going to make it a family thing and invite Danny too, but he didn’t want to.”

“Yeah… that’s not how Danny deals with things,” I breathed deeply, still trying to calm down.

“It was Mum’s idea that just you and I do something,” Max continued. “She does always know what’s best.”

That made me smile but it also caused the tears to spill over; I couldn’t stop myself. No sooner had I started crying I felt myself enveloped in Max’s arms. Weakly I wrapped my arms around his torso and held onto the back of his shirt, burying my face in his neck.

For a while, we stayed just like that until I finally felt like I had no more tears to cry. Slowly I let go and sat up. Tenderly, Max wipes the last of the tears off my cheeks.

“You’ll never leave me, right?”

My question seemed to catch him off guard.

“Of course not. Why…?” He stopped himself. “You are so important to me, ok? I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

I hugged him properly, squeezing him as tightly as I could.

“I love you, Max.” My words were barely a whisper, but he still heard it.

“I love you too.”

That night I couldn’t fall asleep. No matter which way I turned, no matter how I fluffed the pillow, nothing worked. In the darkness I peaked over at my best friend.

“Max? Are you still awake?”

He made some sort of noise before rolling over to face me.

“Would it be ok if I came and lay with you for a bit?”

Without a word, Max scootched over and lifted the covers up. I slipped in next to him, snuggling down.

“Thanks.”

“You don’t have to ask, you know?” Max’s voice was a bit groggy. “You could just climb in.”

“Yeah, but I feel like I’ve been in your personal space all day. Didn’t want to keep you from sleep and all that.”

“And all that.” His sleepy laugh was cute.

“Thank you. For everything.” I said and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“Screw it,” Max mumbled under his breath before I felt his hand on the side of my head and his lips pressed against mine.

I didn’t even register that I was kissing him back until we parted for a breath of air.

“Shit, it felt good to finally do that.”

I could feel my face grow warm at his words. But I couldn’t deny that he was right. It was like something finally flipped in my brain and I knew that it had always been him. Max was all I had ever wanted.

“Want to do it one more time?” I teased, not thinking about the words I was saying.

Max just grinned before pulling me in again.

~

Being back at home felt so much better after having been away, the weight of a year’s worth of worry finally subsiding.

And of course, Max. We had tried to not be too obvious about what had happened while we were gone but it only took Aunty Louise five minutes after we arrived at her house before she cornered us.

“So, are you two officially a couple now?”

Max and I looked at each other in disbelieve.

“Um, yeah. We are,” he said, subtly taking my hand in his.

“Oh, thank goodness!” Aunty Louise said pulling us both in for a hug. “It’s about time. Everyone will be so glad to hear you finally made a move.”

“Hey!” Max feigned offence.

I couldn’t help but laugh. It was good to be with my family again.

~

Message from Max ❤️:

‘Just a heads up, I’ve posted something on Insta with you in it. See you later ❤️’

Even though I was supposed to be working, curiosity got the better of me; I picked up my phone and I opened the app. It didn’t take long to find his post, considering it was the first one to appear on my feed.

‘Had a good week away and came to a realisation: I love this person ❤️’

The caption alone caused butterflies in my stomach. I scrolled through the pictures of our holiday but when I came to the last one, my heart skipped a beat.

I’d forced Max to take one last selfie with me in the airport, one last thread of the week to hold onto. At first it was normal, he put his arm around me and I held the camera out in front of us but just as I pressed the button to take the picture, Max planted a big, fat kiss on my cheek.

And that was the photo I sat looking at now.

The comment section was full of nothing but support and so many hearts. Some of our friends leaving comments that ‘it was about bloody time!’ and similar ones. I decided to leave a comment of my own.

‘@maxfewtrell, it seems that everyone realised it before we did 😬🥰’

He liked it almost immediately and I knew that I was going to be with my best friend forever.

[foolondahill17]

Cesar is a good-looking guy – both he and Jesse are – but Cesar has the thick dark hair, crow’s feet, piercing eyes thing Dean usually goes for. Something about him feels rough like Benny. Strong.

If it was fifteen years ago, Dean would have flirted with him. Don’t eat where you shit is a common adage, and, as a rule of thumb, Dean stayed clear of hunters in case word ever got back to Dad. But Dean can’t say he’s always been good at following rules. That’s how he and Lee started hooking up. He had a raging crush on Dad’s old army pall, Deacon, for the month he spent with him when he was a teenager. He even tried kissing Caleb once when he was very drunk and very lonely, but Caleb put a stop to that real quick.

I’m twice your age, kid, he’d growled, even though Dean had been holding his own on hunts since he was seventeen. But Caleb never told Dad, so he was a decent guy in more ways than one.

Except Dean strangely has no desire to flirt with Cesar, now. It’s not just the idea that the other man might reject his advances – or worse. But it’s also that Cas is working this case with them, and Dean doesn’t really want to hook up with someone with Cas literally in the room next door.

"So, how'd you and Jesse start hunting together, anyway?" Dean makes conversation, winding Baby through the backroads, tires crunching against old snow and slush.

Cesar huffs a laugh as if recalling an amusing memory, "Chupacabra. Wasn't pretty."

Dean laughs, too. "Nasty suckers. My dad, brother, and I went after one back in '95. Hell of a thing. Picking chicken feathers out of my hair for weeks afterward."

Dean feels Cesar's eyes heavy on him from the passenger seat. "You were young, then, when you got into this?"

"It was a...family business of a kind," Dean shrugs. "My dad taught me and my brother everything we knew."

"Jesse was young, too," Cesar replies, voice somber. "Me - I was already an adult, and I grew up in a household already well-acquainted with the supernatural world. But to be introduced to it as a child, I can't imagine."

"Never really knew much else," Dean says, trying to keep his voice casual. Talking about his childhood with strangers isn't exactly his idea of a good time.

“Your brother and father, are they…?”

Dean’s all-too aware what Cesar is asking.

“Dad died on the job…Jesus, ten years ago, now. My brother’s still in the game. Doesn’t, well, doesn’t take as many cases anymore. It’s complicated.”

“He doesn’t mind that you found a new partner?” Cesar asks with a swift smile.

Dean matches his smile. He likes talking about Cas. “Nah. I trust Cas with my life. Sam does, too.” Dean’d like to talk about Cas more, but he finds himself weirdly bashful. He switches gears, “You and Jesse always hunt together, then?”

Cesar laughs like Dean’s missing out on some joke, “It’d be difficult for us if we didn’t. We’re married.” He pulls a ring out from a chain around his neck. "Too risky in this line of business to wear them. Don't know if you've ever seen a degloved finger?" He shudders.

“What – oh,” Dean stammers. Jesus, is he glad he didn’t flirt with the dude.

"We're careful who we tell," Cesar says with a significant look, like he’s waiting for Dean to lash out. Dean’s been there. He’s taken more than his fair share of punches because he said the wrong thing to the wrong guy at a bar.

"No - yeah - of course,” he rushes to say. “You don't need to, ah, worry. I - one of my best friends is a lesbian. It's, ah, cool." Before he adds something stupid, something like: I also sometimes like sucking cock, he makes himself ask, "So, what's that like? Settling down with another hunter?"

Cesar laughs, relief evident in his voice. “It’s frustrating. Terrifying more often than not. You’ve got twice as many reasons to worry about getting everyone out safely. Jesse’ll send me into cardiac arrest one of these days – the stunts that boy pulls.”

“I know what you mean,” Dean laughs, too, despite the scratchy feeling in his throat, like he’s having an allergic reaction. “Cas drives me crazy sometimes. He doesn’t always, ah, understand what he’s heading into.”

“You and Cas seem close,” Cesar says slowly. “But you’re not…?”

Funny, Dean and Cas have been mistaken as a couple before. Diner waitresses or hotel managers. But it feels different. It feels like Dean’s wearing it like a neon sign around his neck to be perceived like this by Cesar, an actual, living, breathing homosexual man with a husband.

Is it that fucking obvious? Dean wants to ask in his sudden, near-panic. And he and Cas have talked about it. Almost talked about it. Alluded to something, but Dean can’t afford to think about it in more depth. He and Cas –

They can’t. They just can’t. It’s too complicated. Dean won’t risk ruining the good thing they’ve already fought so hard to get.

“No,” Dean says. “Cas doesn’t exactly work like that.”

“But you maybe wish he did?” Cesar guesses.

It’s bold. Doesn’t matter that he’s right, it still ticks Dean off. Or maybe it ticks Dean off because he’s right.

“So, Jesse,” Dean says pointedly. “He’s obviously got skin in the game. Why’s this case so important?”

“Jesse’s seen these things before,” Cesar moves with the change in subject as if he didn’t even notice it. Dean’s part annoyed and part grateful for his charity.

“Twenty-seven years ago?” Dean infers. “And you said he got into hunting when he was a kid?”

“It isn’t my story to tell,” Cesar says. “But suffice to say, Jesse won’t back down from this hunt. If we fail to put it to rest this time….” He trails off darkly.

“Yeah, well, there’s four of us now,” Dean reassures him. “We’ll smoke these sons of bitches.”

“It’ll eat him alive if we don’t,” Cesar says, and Dean feels the real weight behind his words. Cesar loves Jesse – really loves him. Dean wonders if people have ever been able to feel Dean’s love for someone else, just by listening to his voice.

Another chapter of this nonsense just dropped

I didn't even make you wait 3 months this time.

[ooops-i-arted]

I'm relieved to see that at least some other Star Wars fans are as sick of Ahsoka Tano as I am. Do you think there'll ever be a point where Dave Filoni will ever get rid of the annoying orange for good? With him literally breaking the space contiuum to save her from what would have been a fitting end for her character, I think it's doubtful.

No, not as long as he's in charge of Star Wars and as long as the majority keeps eating up his version of Star Wars. Everything he touches has to be part of his Ahsoka & TCW Extended Universe. (I'll spare you an essay on how much anxiety I have over Mandalorian season 3 just being another season of Din being pingponged between Filoni's favorite plot arcs instead of the story being about him and Grogu. I miss the freshness of season 1 so much, with all its new planets and characters I fell in love with, just being consumed by TCW plots/characters. Bo-Katan & the potential of the Mandalore storyline excite me but I am just so worried it'll be about what Filoni cares about rather than what's best for the story and Din's arc.)

Ahsoka won't die unless Filoni comes up with what, to him, is an epic and worthy death (probably where she saves the galaxy, stops Order 66, and can live happily ever after in an alternate universe with Anakin forever; Padme and her importance to Anakin are completely ignored, of course) and even then he'll just go back and write EVEN MORE fanfic about her life like more Tales of the Jedi stuff about her past, or a whole What If series focused on her, or something else equally ridiculous. Imo he's basically a fanfic writer promoted to canon and he's gonna make all of us look at his sooper speshul awesome OC until the end of time.

Not intended as a diss on fanfic writers or anything, just that his attitude is the same I had when working on my super amazing powerful perfect Jedi OC when I was eleven. Which was great! I loved it! I had so much fun! But I was eleven. I have higher quality writing now. Like, No Prison Can Hold was just the adult version of me playing with my action figures, but I still wanted to tell a story with a beginning/middle/end, have a character arc for Din, and keep all characters aligned with canon once I decided it was a story that should be that way (and in fanfic you don't have to do that! in canon you do!). If I wrote like Filoni, Din would be rescued by my super amazing Jedi OC from childhood, she would hold his hand and lead him through the whole rescue and always be right, and the climax would be how SHE felt about Din and Grogu's reunion. It would be a much less satisfying and well-written story if I sacrificed the story itself at the altar of my favorite OC.

Tl;dr I have Concerns about the writing quality and I see Ahsoka as the canary in the coal mine for it. Especially after Book of Boba Fett, where Din was the Super Special OC taking over the show (Din is just a more balanced character, he has flaws and doubts and a more realistic skill level; 14 year old Din wasn't beating General Grievous for example), but of course we had to shove Ahsoka in there too, and Cad Bane to finish an arc THAT WAS NEVER EVEN IN TCW AND I NEVER WOULD HAVE KNOWN ABOUT WITHOUT TUMBLR, so I'm guessing the average audience member didn't know about it, and DIN AND GROGU ARE REUNITED IN NOT EVEN THEIR OWN SHOW, a HUGE moment and like ten minutes after being separated which was a big deal so it doesn't even feel earned, like this was a travesty of writing. Ahsoka is just one of the more obvious symptoms of writing whatever you want instead of planning a coherent arc and caring more about connecting your show to another show instead of focusing on your main character and making the story actually about them.

....I guess you got an essay after all. Oops. Like I said I have strong feelings on this. If I, a fanfic writer with a full time job on my hands (being paid WAY less than Filoni, I assume), can make the time to write with consistency and character arcs and focusing on the main character and all that, surely Filoni should be able to when it is literally his job.

[sailorsally]

I have had kind of the same situation With a best friend and then a childhood friend. Who both times i was the one who ended it. The childhood friend was not giving me anything and in the end we where only friends beacuse we had know each other since we where kids. The other who was my best friend is a sore spot and still are. Its been 15 years since That friendship ended.. and i still think of them. But i can say im glad the childhood friend is no longer my friend, beacuse now she has like 5 kids and is part of a pyramid scheme and selling sand water With her husband…

Oh I am sorry you went thru this. For me it was the most painful breakup of my life. I was 22 at that time and had just moved back to my country after I dropped out of uni abroad and was severely depressed, it was summer and me and her literally spent the whole time planning our upcoming year and what we'd do and where we'd go, we were isneparable! and come september she tells me she's actually moving to study in the same country I had just left and that her flight leaves in 24 hours..... I have never felt more betrayed in my life. Obviously this wasn't a quick decision, so she had led me on for months. Let me plan and imagine our future together while she had plans to leave. It devastated me so badly, I cried for 3 days straight. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. It was a miserable time.

I was no contact with her for 3 years, spoke and saw her a couple of times since, once at her wedding. She was tereibky jealous and rude to my friends once, other times she messaged me offering to 'help me and set me up with a friend of her foreigner husband' (as if this was ever something I wanted lol) or countless advice on how to live my life in general. Mind you at this point we wouldn't even do much beyond exchanging pleasantries twice a year (usually on our birthdays). She didn't know me anymore and tbh from what she was saying she never knew me well at all. This realisation has given me a lot of peace. We had been pretty much inseparable for 12 years, but these were school years where we saw each other every day by default.

To be honest, I wouldn't even approach her to be my friend now as an adult. For a while she would randomly send me photos from our childhood saying how she misses "those times". Looking at those photos I don't get sad but I don't miss those times either. It happened and it was all good, I don't hate how things were. It's just I am not the same person anymore and that is how it's supposed to be. I am ok with being me.

This happened 13 years ago and you can see how well I'm handling it atm. It's just I know all these things on a rational level but on an emotional level it still makes me feel abandoned and that's why I don't wanna hear anything about her

I have ended one other relationship after this, it wasn't as painful as this but at some point you just get tired of always being the accommodating friend you know? Sometimes you wanna be accommodated for once as well. And it didn't happen so the sulky child in me that day stomped her foot down and says 'I am no longer friends with this person!' and honestly I think that was for the best.

My favourite way to end a friendship was this one time in middle school when I had a best friend and then we had summer break and when we came back the next year she was all girly and wanted to talk about boys and I was still a tomboy and wanted to play football and kick boys so we kinda naturally drifted apart in the comming weeks? There was nothing dramatic about it, we were very friendly towards each other before she moved to another school years later.

Generally I think you always gotta look forward, what happened brought you here and made you this person, what matters is what you will do next. People change. If you can be lifelong friends while also feeling like you can be yourself with them, that is great but sometimes people change in ways that aren't compatible anymore and you gotta move on. It hurts a lot to lose friends you grew up with because in comparison to adult friends, they feel more like a part of you, probably because you had a lot of first experiences together as kids which is a rarity in adult friendships. But eh, it is what it is. You will hurt someone, someone will hurt you, you will feel pain, or worse - won't feel any. That's life.

[we-all-have-magic-inside-us]

Hi, this is very random but I'm actually writing a dissertation on Harry Potter Fanfiction and I'm looking for the 'big' fics, i.e. fics that lots of people in the fandom read - the most popular/famous ones that might even have their own sub-fandom (All The Young Dudes for example). Do you know of any Drarry ones like this? Thanks in advance!

What a wonderful topic for a dissertation @realistic-but-optimistic - I would LOVE to read it if you ever publish/want to share. And I definitely have some recs for fics that have their own mini fandom and/or are ‘The Drarry Classics’

What We Pretend We Can't See by @gyzym [131k words]

Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought

This is THE fandom classic almost everyone has read and talks about. It features a redeemed, slightly obsessive, charming Draco. Grimmauld Place plays a huge role in the fic and Ron/Hermione are wonderful. Overall 10/10.

Running on Air by @tinyhistory [75k]

Draco Malfoy has been missing for three years. Harry is assigned the cold case and finds himself slowly falling in love with the memories he collects.

I genuinely do not know if any fic rec can do justice to this masterpiece. It’s so beautiful and poignant and somehow nostalgic. The language, the plot, the pining and the mystery are all breathtaking. You have to read this one yourself to believe me. This is definitely a major fandom classic.

Tea and No Sympathy [70k] by who_la_hoop

It's Potter's fault, of course, that Draco finds himself trapped in the same twenty-four-hour period, repeating itself over and over again. It's been nearly a year since the unpleasant business at Hogwarts, and Draco's getting on with his life quite nicely, thank you, until Harry sodding Potter steps in and ruins it all, just like always. At first, though, the time loop seems liberating. For the first time in his life, he can do anything, say anything, be anything, without consequence. But the more Draco repeats the day, the more he realises the uncomfortable truth: he's falling head over heels for the speccy git. And suddenly, the time loop feels like a trap. For how can he ever get Harry to love him back when time is, quite literally, against him?

If you like Groundhog Day style fics, this is the winner! It has over 32k kudos on AO3 which is INSANE! It’s super well written and keeps you hooked until the very end. And it’s not just this one, every fic by this author is a classic in its own right. Especially ‘written on the heart.’

Right Hand Red [73k] by @lqtraintracks​

Harry felt Malfoy's breath on his lips as they came together over the bottle, hands firmly planted on the floor as though they each needed their familiar soil, refusing to cross into enemy territory.

Except that Malfoy no longer felt like his enemy.

Malfoy felt inevitable.

No rec list can be complete without an eighth year fic. The fandom is FULL of eighth year fics and they’re perfect for anyone craving a Harry Potter continuation but with Drarry. This is one of my absolute favourite ones. It features a lot of party games and it’s really nice to see Harry and Draco have a chance at a normal school year for once, something they’ve been robbed of for so many years. There’s a lot of pining and healing in this one and I felt all the feels when I read it. 

Away Childish Things [151k] by @letteredlettered

Harry gets de-aged. Malfoy has to help him.

This one. This one. THERE ARE NO WORDS BUT I WILL VALIANTLY ATTEMPT. I love it. It explores Harry’s childhood in a way very few fics have managed to and it really really tugs at the heartstrings. It’s gorgeously written and evokes so many emotions. Please read this one.

Stop All the Clocks (This Is the Last Time I’m Leaving Without You) [44k] by @firethesound

Living with Draco was difficult; living without him is unbearable. But if there’s one thing Harry learned from the war, it’s that even when one life ends, the rest of the world goes right on living.

Full disclosure- I haven’t read this and I don’t know if I ever can. It features MCD (main character death) and I really struggle with reading fics that don’t have a happy ending. Having said that, it is a fandom classic and everyone who has read it, RAVES about it. They say it’s gorgeous and beautiful and devastating. What I can confirm is that firethesound is an amazing author and I have read several other fics by them which could also be considered fandom classics. Especially ‘All Our Secrets Laid Bare’ which is the ultimate Auror partners fic and ‘A Convenient Impracticality’ which is the ultimate fake dating/friends-with-benefits fic. 

Dwelling [83k] by aideomai

Curses, James and Lily Potter ride again, several Ministry balls, a teenage Summer of Love, a grim young adult dystopian winter, a few different Draco Malfoys, secrets and the problems re: not having any, alternate lives, impossible lives, real lives, allusions to Dirty Dancing, and just because it's not called the Mirror of Erised doesn't mean you shouldn't know better.

Oh my goodness, this fic ruined me. In the best possible way. If you want a glimpse into how Harry’s life could have been if his parents had been alive and if Harry and Draco had been friends from the start, this is the one. There's a huge twist which makes the fic EVEN better. I don’t want to spoil too much but this one is worth a read. Another fic by the same author, ‘Far From The Tree’ is also gorgeous. It’s a newer fic so I wouldn’t say it’s a classic yet but the plot is SO unique. It features Harry’s grown up kids coming back into the past and how that could affect Harry/Draco’s relationship. All the characters are super well written and it’s one of my personal favourites!

Other notes:

I made a Drarry rec list when I first got into the fandom. I would say almost all the fics on this list are also classics/very well liked. 

Another great way to find classics are through this link. They are Drarry fics on Ao3 (30k+ words) sorted by the number of kudos they’ve received. I would say all fics on the first five pages can be considered classics. 

Here are three other SUPER adored authors in the Ao3 fandom: Bixgirl, Saras_Girl and GallaPlacidia

All works by Bix and Saras_Girl are considered classics. GallaPlacidia started writing for the fandom only a couple of years back but she has such a knack for writing both these boys, it’s absolutely insane. I’m 100% confident her fics will be considered classics in a few years! Especially ‘The Bucket List’ and ‘Ship of Theseus.’

Enjoy and hope this helps!!

[demigodofhoolemere]

“Susan doesn’t get to go to Heaven with her siblings because she decided she liked lipstick and parties!”

One, there is a very simple reason Susan does not show up in Aslan’s Country with the others at the end of The Last Battle: she’s alive. Her siblings are in Aslan’s Country because they are dead. Susan is not there because she is not dead. That’s literally it.

Two, it’s a massive oversimplification of the text to try to boil things down to ‘Aslan finds mature femininity sinful’ or ‘she can’t be saved because she grew up’ (or my least favorite, saying she’s cast out because she “discovered sex”, which I find a pretty inappropriate statement to make about a very young teenager and a complete misunderstanding of the actual situation). The “problem of Susan” is not that she can’t go to Heaven because she grew up. Her story is that she struggles with her faith and allowed her desire to seem grown-up and part of the in-crowd become her driving influence, forgetting what was most important. It is not meant as a dig at femininity, it is meant to show a loss of priorities.

When Susan is in Narnia and faced daily with the truth, it’s easy for her to believe, but whenever she’s presented a challenge that will require an intentional show of faith, she always seemed to struggle (for example, in Prince Caspian she’s shown to intentionally choose her doubts over what she felt deep down, and thus took the longest to see Aslan again). After leaving Narnia the second time and readjusting to life in England, as time went on it would have gotten easier to gradually forget her faith when the evidence is no longer clearly spelled out in front of her, and eventually her memories that she once knew were true came to feel like nice childhood stories instead. With those memories, and consequently the testimony that once came with them, no longer real for her, she could allow herself to prioritize other things such as self-image. The story is not trying to say that liking to feel pretty is some sort of sinful indulgence, it’s trying to demonstrate how we can get distracted from what matters when we place too much importance on how the world sees us.

The point C.S. Lewis was making was that it’s important to be humble and not lose yourself in trying to appear so smart and so mature to others. Critically, Susan’s story is not just Susan’s story — it is Lewis’s story. Lewis was raised Christian but became an atheist and turned much of his focus on looking intelligent and grown-up, and when he came back to his faith later in life, he looked back on his choices feeling foolish for trying so hard to be so grown-up because it blinded him to what mattered to him. There is a difference between simply maturing into an adult, and becoming the specific kind of grown-up who tries to be grown-up, which is the particular thing that irritated Lewis and something that he frequently touched on in his works.

I wouldn’t know where to look for the quote now, but I remember Lewis saying that Susan was the character he related to the most because of her struggle. He had to intentionally choose his faith and act on it, and it wasn’t always easy. He understood how hard that can be and knew firsthand how one could let oneself forget if they’re not actively working at it. Lewis was not a misogynist who had it out for Susan — he WAS Susan. And on the other hand, Susan can be Lewis. Susan can find her belief again later in life. He specifically said as much, that she can find her way to Aslan’s Country in her own time and in her own way. He chose not to write that story because something as big as the process of returning to your beliefs and being intentional about it through every difficult step was more mature material than he really wanted to write (contrary to the myth that he simply died before he could get around to it, though I suppose in any case it’s true that he died before he ever might have changed his mind). But the simple fact that that would have been the plot is all the proof anyone needs that Lewis imagined a happy ending for her where, eventually, she comes to be with her family in Aslan’s Country.

To say that she was banned from getting to Heaven is patently untrue. Susan is merely living out the rest of her natural life and taking the longer route back to Aslan. That’s no bad thing by any means. There’s no reason her journey should be exactly the same as her siblings — she is not Peter or Edmund or Lucy, she is herself, and different individuals have different stories. Hers is longer and filled with more bumps and is, frankly, the more ordinary and more relatable for many people. The only “problem of Susan” is how often most of this gets misinterpreted or missed altogether.

[cacoetheswriting]

Hi! I want to request a part 2 to the Rio story when Beth shot him and the reader saved him. Maybe a 18+ story with a mini time skip. Where Turner and/or the other girls keep harassing her to tell them if he’s alive or where Rio is but our girl ain’t snitching. Take the story wherever you want to because I know it’ll be great however you write it! Please and thank you!

anon, you having faith in my writing and saying this’ll be great regardless literally warms my heart, tysm 🥺 i really truly hope you and everyone else that reads this part will enjoy it !!

pairing: rio x fem!reader word count: 1.7k warnings: mentions of canon violence (blood and gun injury), adult dialogue and language, mentions of food consumption, hurt / comfort, kinda angsty but also a little fluffy, sorta a slow burn

a/n: technically a part two to this, but can 100% be read as a stand alone. don't be afraid to tell me what you think!

-

Honestly, you weren’t quite sure what to expect when Rio first said, “You’re my girl now.”, but it definitely wasn’t this.

The man’s attitude towards you changed drastically after the shooting incident. The dynamic between you shifted from acquaintances to friends to something more within a matter of days.

Previously he would turn to Beth for everything, only sneaking secret glances in your direction when he thought noone was looking, whereas now (with the way things played out) you were his go to person.

From advice regarding his work to simple conversations and trips down childhood memory lane whenever he needed a sense of normalcy, Rio knew he could count on you.

You were his girl after all.

Life with the brooding crook was different to say the least.

Being in hiding obviously affected your routine too, but it was Rio who genuinely surprised you the most.

He let you sleep in every morning, never once rushing you. He always left you a note if he ever had to disappear for a little, not giving away where he was going but rather letting you know when you could expect him back. He cooked for you, the best damn meals you have ever tasted. He included you in his meetings and welcomed your honest input.

In turn, you made him the happiest he has been in a very long time (but he wasn’t ready to admit that out loud just yet).

Four months passed as if it was nothing.

The weather outside started to shift, and with it your mood ever so slightly. You began missing your old life, your job, your apartment. Mainly, however, you seriously missed the girls.

“What are they going to think?” There was a slight shake to the tone of your voice as you asked the question.

“Nothin’, maybe that you ran away.” Rio replied nonchalantly, his eyes peeled to the road ahead.

After somewhat recovering from his extensive wounds, Rio thought it best the two of you relocate to one of his safehouses instead. You agreed. With the FBI also on your ass for helping him escape, you knew trusting the man would be your best chance at not landing in prison.

“But that’s not like me,” you protested, “Beth is too smart to let the others think I would just up and leave.”

“Well, what would you like ‘em to think, darlin’?”

You sighed in defeat, “I- I don’t know…”

With one hand still on the steering wheel, Rio reached across and gave your thigh a gentle squeeze, meeting your gaze briefly. His touch relaxed you instantly (and awoke some other senses in the process too).

“It’s all gonna be okay. You trust me, right?”

And you do trust him. And things were genuinely okay, (maybe even more than just okay). But still.. You would be lying if you said you weren’t going insane.

You didn’t know exactly what you needed, just that you needed away from this house. Only for a little bit. An hour maybe? Rio wasn’t here. He left all the time so what was stopping you from going too?

So you didn’t think twice about it. After scribbling a note and leaving it on the dining table, you grabbed a random hoodie from his vast collection and headed out the door.

“And where do you think you’re going?”

Fuck. Just like you to forget about one of Rio’s goons being constantly sat outside of the house for protection.

“For a drive,” you answered truthfully, “I’ll be back in an hour or so.”

The guy got up and crossed his arms, towering over you.

“I don’t think so, ma’am.”

You rolled your eyes. “If you’re not going to let me go alone then feel free to tag along, but I desperately need a change of scenery,” you tried your best to persuade, “Plus I am craving a milkshake.”

His eyes lit up then. He cleared his throat, letting his arms fall, before saying, “Only if I can get a cheeseburger.”

You grinned victoriously. “Deal.”

Turns out there was a drive-thru not that far away from your undisclosed location. You ordered a strawberry milkshake while your ‘bodyguard’ went all out with a large cheeseburger and fries meal.

He decided to eat inside; “I’ll be fifteen minutes max. Don’t tell the boss I left you alone.”

You stayed out in the parking lot, leaning against the hood of the car and sipping on your drink, watching the various people go by.

It was then you heard it. A distinctively familiar voice calling out your name.

Your body froze, half thinking if you didn’t move or acknowledge them, perhaps they would leave you alone.

Of course that wasn’t the case and within a matter of seconds, you were surrounded by the three women you practically betrayed a few months ago.

“I fucking knew it was you,” Annie exclaimed and to your surprise, swooped in for an overly excited hug.

“Dude, where the fuck have you been?!”

“Avoiding us, running away from law enforcement, shacking up with gang friend…” Ruby listed, not giving you a chance to respond.

“What happened to not jumping to conclusions? She may have a very good reason for helping him, like maybe he threatened to kill her if she didn’t,” Annie rationalised in your defence.

While the two women bickered back and forth, your eyes drifted to Beth. The expression on her face clearly read betrayal and hurt (maybe even a sting of jealousy, although you couldn’t be quite sure).

“Is he alive?”

The question caused the other conversation to cease instantly, Ruby and Annie snapping their attention back to you and the stunning redhead.

“Is. He. Alive?” Beth repeated more sternly.

You couldn’t bring yourself to utter the words, your mouth and your brain completely refusing to cooperate, so you just nodded. One slow slant of the head.

“Well… Where is he?” Beth enquired, raising a brow.

“I-I uhm,” you swallowed your breath, “I can’t tell you.”

Ruby scoffed, “Can’t or won’t?”

Looking between the three ladies, you nervously chewed on your bottom lip. There was no way you could reveal where Rio was, and where the two of you have been hiding these last couple of months. With everything that’s happened — and with the way you’ve been feeling about him — you couldn’t betray him.

“Won’t.”

Beth let out a bitter chuckle. “What the fuck, y/n? Did you forget who he is?”

“Funny coming from you,” you spat back, quite surprised at the sudden burst of confidence you were experiencing.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means you’re jealous.”

“Oh my god! You’re delusional!” The redhead exclaimed, drawing attention from a few passerbyers.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this here…” Annie tried to interject.

“No, Beth. Delusional is thinking you could try to kill a man like him and continue walking around freely, thinking he won’t come after you.”

“We were convinced he was dead,” Ruby defended, causing you to roll your eyes.

“Foolish.”

“We didn’t think you would save him!”

“Well, I did. I saved him,” you stated, “Now I can sleep soundly at night knowing I’m safe and sound.”

Ruby was about to say something in response, when your ‘bodyguard’ made his appearance, grabbing the attention of all three ladies.

“Is there a problem?”

You looked between the girls following his question.

“No,” Beth answered, her eyes never leaving yours, “No problem.” And with that they retreated, allowing you to hop in the car.

The ride back to the safehouse was long.

Making sure the girls weren’t following you, your gang companion took a different way, down more winded roads. By the time you made it back, the sun had set and about a million stars made an appearance.

Rio was waiting for you. Sitting on the front porch steps, looking out into the driveway.

Knowing he was most likely angry you left the safety of the house in the first place, never mind the whole ordeal of running into the girls, a nervous feeling settled in the pit of your stomach while you stepped out of the car.

“I can explain,” you began but he just shook his head and wrapped his arms around you.

Even though the kind act caught you off guard, you felt your muscles instantly become loose and you let yourself completely sag into Rio’s surprisingly affectionate embrace.

His hands made home on your waist and he gave you a light squeeze before shifting them slowly to the small of your back. In turn, your arms made their way around his neck, your fingertips gently grazing at his soft skin.

“No need,” Rio mumbled into your hair before slightly pulling his head back to take a look at your face.

“So you’re not mad?”

He shook his head. “Just glad you’re okay, mama.”

The corners of your mouth twirled upwards ever so slightly at his words and the faint smile now present on your features caused Rio to glance down at your lips.

There was a brief moment of silence, during which your faces both inclined towards one another. You did your best to ignore the way your heart was beating inside of your chest. If it wasn’t for the fact Rio was still holding onto you, his hands rubbing gentle circles into your back, you probably would have fainted.

“Plus,” the jet-haired man cleared his throat, breaking the spell you found yourself in,“I think it’s about time to return to some normality, huh?”

He let his arms fall. However, instead of taking a step back (like you expected him to do), Rio gently rested his forehead against yours.

“Right,” you breathed in response, biting on the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from shedding a tear because truthfully, even though just this morning you were missing your old life, the sentiment of ‘returning to normality’ made you quite sad.

“Nothin’ else is gonna change though,” Rio reassured, his hot breath sending a tingle down your spine.

You let out a breath. “Nothing?”

The man standing in front of you let out a soft chuckle. “Maybe just one thing.”

And without uttering another word, he leaned in to capture your lips in a kiss.

-

main masterlist | add yourself to a taglist

rio (good girls) taglist: @fictionalhoomanofnowhere , @lovesanimals

[palimpsessed]

Hey. You post a lot of great stuff about Carry On. Can you talk about the biting in AWTWB. The Baz/Simon scenes.Trying to wrap my head around it to understand why Simon did that. Why he bites Baz and keeps biting. Bites his fangs through his cheek. Is it because Simon wants to be bitten? That he wants Baz so much and Baz can't be harmed? I'm really trying to understand it but . . . what do you think?

Anon, thank you for this ask, and also for liking whatever I'm doing on my blog.

Can I talk about the biting? You bet I can!

Why does Simon bite Baz? Is it because he wants to be bitten? In a word, yes! But of course, there's a lot more to it than that. And this went off in another direction than I thought it would, so I hope you can stick with me on this journey! Under the cut because it’s a bit long.

There is a motif running throughout the trilogy of love being a consuming force. So much of Simon and Baz's identities are tied up in hunger very early on: Baz, as a vampire, constantly craving blood; Simon, as the Humdrum, constantly sucking up magic; both of them starved of love and intimacy. There's also a lot of fire imagery, going all the way back to when they first met, and fire is another consuming force.

Simon and Baz are obsessed with each other. The only thing they think about is each other. ("Trying not to think about you…S'like trying not to think about an elephant that's standing on my chest.") They are consumed and they want to consume, and, at least in Simon's case, they want to be consumed.

In WS, Simon reflects on misunderstanding his feelings for Baz prior to eighth year, and the way he does it has always stuck out to me: "I thought about him all the time. I missed him so much in the summer. (I thought I was just lonely. I thought I was hungry. I thought I was bored.)" The second item on that list is what catches my attention. Simon missed Baz and he thought he was hungry. I think it says a lot about how Simon's love for Baz feels if he mistakes it for actual hunger.

In the biting scene you mentioned, Simon says to Baz: "If it were me, if I were you…I'd drain you fuckin' dry, Baz, and it still wouldn't be enough." That's intense. And it's absolutely Simon. We know how much hunger he's capable of; his hunger was so potent, it became a whole other being! I've long maintained that his hunger for magic is a metaphor for his hunger for love. Because Simon is so full of love, and just utterly bereft of people to give it to, and once he has people to love, he doesn't know how to do it without also hurting them. He's never had good relationship modeling. (He thinks Baz should know he loves him because of how many things he's killed for him.—He thinks about teaching Baz how to break someone's neck like it's a fun couples' activity.—He gets turned on by killing things and watching Baz kill, too.—Date night is helping Baz hunt down rats.) Simon is a mess. He wants to love so badly, but he just doesn't know how to do it. ("Is this what people do?")

Simon loves Baz so much, he can't fathom ever getting enough of him. Ever being able to consume enough of him. He can't stop biting and smelling and grabbing because he wants more, more, more. He fits his teeth over Baz's old scars because he needs to claim him—make his own mark on Baz, possess him.

Part of this, as you said, is the fact that Baz is a vampire. Baz can take the roughness (which is not to say that he should just because he can). Simon's fixation on Baz's vampirism, which used to play out as paranoia, has changed into a desire to be bitten. Simon is thinking about Baz's vampirism, thinking about draining Baz dry if he were the vampire, and Baz, the human.

The other part of this is that Simon is unfettered, but really only in the aggressive, physical sense. He's long hidden his desires behind aggression without realizing that's what he was doing. (In CO: "I just want to run him down and knock him over and figure it all out." In AWTWB: "I wanted to jump on you, I didn't really think past that.") He doesn't know how to be unfettered in the vulnerable, emotional sense, and that's what keeps him from being able to be intimate with Baz. ("I don't know how, Baz…To get enough.")

Simon desperately wants to have sex with Baz. Which is what he's trying to do in the biting scene, but all of his desires are warring for control, and he can't sort out what he wants, and what he should be doing in that moment, with Baz.

What this is all leading me to may be a bit off topic, but I think it's all tied up in Simon's head.

Simon doesn't know how to be gentle.

His hunger and his desire for Baz have never been gentle. It's aggression, it's violence, it's possession; it's a forest fire, it's not a hidden waterfall.

Simon has never learned how to be at peace. In a recent interview with Vanity Fair, Rainbow said she made Simon "fight of flight"—literally, he has wings! There's a reason that Simon couldn't handle the inaction at the beginning of CO and before the events of WS. There's a reason that Penelope thought that they were "being lulled" because there was no war actively being waged. There's a reason Penelope tells us in WS: "Lesson learned: Relaxation is the most insidious humdrum." These are characters who are so traumatized by childhoods being foot soldiers in a war waged by the adults they trusted, they don't know how to live without fighting! They don't know how to live in peace.

We all have "I can touch you less gently, but I won't love you less kindly" burned into our eyeballs by now, but let's move earlier in that conversation to what sparks this: "What if I asked you to be less kind to me?" —What if I asked you to be less kind to me?— Simon doesn't feel comfortable with Baz's kindness or gentleness, because it "makes me feel like I'm being turned inside out. Like I need to get away." Let's sit with this for a bit. Baz's loving touches make Simon want to run because they're kind and gentle and he doesn't know what to do with kind and gentle. His mind isn't programmed for kind and gentle.

It makes complete sense that Simon would show Baz affection in a way that Simon understands, considering, as I said before, that he hasn't had anyone in his life to show him a healthy way to do this. What does Simon most want from Baz? Love. What does Simon understand love to be? Consumption. He wants roughness and aggression, he wants the inferno, because these are things he understands.

Simon wants Baz's teeth, so he gives Baz his teeth.

This is how Simon feels comfortable. I made this post while processing my feelings about AWTWB. It talks about Simon trying to love Baz the way he wants to be loved, and Baz trying to love Simon the way he wants to be loved. They want to give each other everything, but they haven't actually communicated their needs to one another, and that's what keeps them from being able to work through their problems. It isn't until they voice their needs that they're able to be intimate. This is what I'm really trying to get at here.

"Is this what people do?" Simon asks, over and over again. When Simon was in therapy, he learned a technique to break up "life into bites you can swallow". He tells us he's doing this again in AWTWB "because [the future] is too terrifying. Too uncertain. There are parts of it that are too bright." —There are parts of it that are too bright.— Simon doesn't know how to be happy. He doesn't know how to cope with happiness. "Is this what people do when they're in love? Do they just keep touching and talking? And then what? Like what is it all leading to? I don't mean sex, I mean… If I knew what I meant, it wouldn't be so frightening." When Simon is having all these overwhelming feelings about his future with Baz, they're on the Tube, and Simon sees a guy giving him and Baz "a dirty look". He interrupts his introspective on therapy to tell us that he wants the guy to cause trouble "because I would dearly love to punch something right now. That's a decision I could wrap my brain around." He can wrap his brain around punching someone, but not around a bright future with the man he loves.

Simon doesn't know how to be at peace. He doesn't know how to be in love. He doesn't know how to be happy. I think this is what we're seeing at play when he bites Baz. He wants something so badly, but he doesn't know what it is, can't articulate it, can't get at it. In a way, when he bites Baz, Simon is trying to ask for what he wants, without words, and without really knowing what it is that he does want.

He can't figure out how to let himself be happy and feel good while being happy. He can't stand gentleness, or softness. In his head, he can't give that to Baz, because he can't handle it himself.

So, yes, Simon bites Baz because he wants to be bitten. And he bites Baz because he knows Baz can handle it. And he bites Baz because there's an emptiness inside of him that he's still trying to fill, and he doesn't understand how to do that. Someday, he will fill it. He and Baz are going to figure that out together.

I hope this makes sense. With your indulgence, Anon, I'm going to tag in @theflyingpeach who is all around brilliant, and I know has their own thoughts about this scene (and demon Simon 👀👀👀) that I would like to see more of. 🥰

A follow up to this ask can be found here.

Further reading on the relationship between consumption, food, and love compiled here.

[beyondspaceandstars]

Happy Engagement

Relationship: Loki x Reader Warnings: contains some dark elements: manipulation Summary: Loki has always thought of you as his and there isn’t anything he won’t do to keep it that way. A/N: I’ve been sitting on this one shot for a while! I had the idea for it months ago and finally wrote it and then it just sat on my computer while I wrote other stuff but I figured since I don’t have anything really new this week it’d be perfect to put out! I hope you enjoy it because I greatly do :)

Masterlist

Loki had always been an interesting force in your life.

You two met when you were just children in school. You two were the official unofficial outsides of your school year — he was a prince, you were a peasant. Despite his royal standing, he’d play with you at recess. For these outlier ways, you two never interacted much with the other kids, life practically forcing you two to one another.

At such a young age, you hadn’t realized how significant this bond would become. As a child, you were just glad someone was talking to you. He shouldn’t have even been looking at you, should’ve maybe been disgusted with your presence alone. You should’ve been some onlooker, amazed by him and his magic but you weren’t — well, except for the magic part. His magic was little when you were kids but it drew quite the amazement from you.

Over time, you two naturally grew with one another. From childhood into your teens and still, now, you two made an unlikely pair of best friends as young adults. All of this though did not come without some bumps along the way.

In your teens, Loki had almost completely shut you out. For some reason, he seemed to be acting embarrassed by you. Your mother had warned you this may happen but you thought he was different, swore he was, unless his sincerity was like the many other tricks he played. Eventually, supposedly after some talking down from his brother, Loki appeared back at your door asking if you wanted to go for a walk.

This disappearing and coming back had become a habit for him over his teenage years and into adulthood. Loki never explicitly told you why but you could tell there was something eating away at him. It had been there a long time and it felt like disassociating himself with you was his solution.

You thought everything was coming to an abrupt end when you fell pregnant. You had been seeing a nobleman who was a regular customer in your parents’ shop. He was absolutely charming and delightful, practically swept you right off your feet within minutes of meeting. Your parents were ecstatic when he asked to court you.

You yourself were stunned but you ran to tell Loki about it. He was speechless. You tried telling him about the man but something in Loki snapped. He got unreasonably upset, spewing hateful comments about the man, practically forcing you out of his chambers in the process. He went radio silent again.

You tried to ignore losing your best friend — again — and focused on your new relationship. He wooed you endlessly with dates to lavish dinners and dawning you in lovely gowns. It was all so much more than you had ever expected in life. He’d tell you you deserved it and whisper sweet nothings in your ear as you two would get so lost in one another.

A bit shamefully, hypnotized by the romantics of it all, you gave yourself to him. Tangled in the sheets with him as your guide, you let the man you felt you would marry have every last bit of you.

And for a while after, it was blissful. Nothing had seemed to change between you two until he announced he had to go away for a bit. Confused, you asked why suddenly now facing the fact you were losing another person in your life. He explained he was needed by his father on a different realm, part of the family "business," as he described it.

Days after his departure, you learned you were pregnant. Around this time, Loki popped back up in your life. You felt relieved having someone to confide in but when you told him of your pregnancy, he was far from the supportive force you thought you’d get. He didn’t yell or get upset per se but he was beyond stunned.  

He left for a bit then but can back in less time than last. This time he brought along baby supplies and congratulated you. It was a complete one-eighty from his prior behavior but you accepted it, gratefully. Loki ended up being your main person throughout the pregnancy as clues of when your boyfriend would return were nonexistent.

"Did he know you were carrying his child when he left?" Loki had asked you one night. You two were sitting in the living room of the makeshift house you had acquired. You didn’t feel very good that this was the home you were bringing a child into when you knew her father could’ve provided her with a better one. But, at the end of the day, it was a roof over both your heads.

You crocheted another knot in the baby blanket. "No, he didn’t. I didn’t even know."

Loki gave a passing hum at that answer. He didn’t ask about your boyfriend very much after that.

Once your baby girl arrived, she became your entire world, your entire focus. Between caring for her and working to provide, you had little time to worry about your boyfriend still being gone. But it wasn’t as lonely as it may have looked because Loki was always by your side. Working around his royal duties, he’d take time to come visit you and your daughter even sometimes staying for dinner or to play with her. You didn’t miss how he was unintentionally becoming the father she was missing. You never said anything, though, always biting your tongue as you waited for her father to return.

Hope began to face on that front after your daughter turned three. Maybe he was just a footnote in your life, a foolish hopeful dream, but at least he had given you the lovely gift of your child. You weren’t giving up, still placing him in the boyfriend spot of your mind, but you couldn’t deny doubt crept in. Maybe a relationship of any capacity just wasn’t in the cards for you.

Or so you thought.

As Loki continued with his royal responsibilities, he was growing older and more powerful. That’s when the rumors of marriage began floating about. Your mother had brought it up to you once asking if you met any of his potential suitors. Your stomach did a somersault. You didn’t even know there were suitors, let alone met any of them. You tried to keep your cool and just told her no.

Who these suitors were and if they really existed, you never found out. You never even had the guts to ask about them especially after Loki pulled you aside one night after a dinner at the palace.

He rarely ever invited you to dinners with his family so to get this spontaneous invitation, you didn’t hesitate to attend. He even allowed you to bring along your daughter. She was playing with some servants’ children when Loki asked you to the garden.

"Feeling like a nighttime stroll?" You asked with a little laugh. Loki just smiled.

"There’s actually something I want to speak to you about."

"Oh," you frowned. "Is everything okay?"

Loki nodded. "Yes, yes, everything is fine." He looked up at the sky, almost lost in thought as you walked. You thought for a split second how lovely he looked. "I’m sure you have heard by now the…talk about my anticipated engagement."

Your heart practically stopped beating at that moment. Your hands instinctively gripped at the skirt of your dress as if you were ready to run away at the drop of a hat. Trying to keep your voice stead, you said, "Yes, I believe my mother mentioned that to me the other day."

He shot you an unreadable side glance. Your hands gripped the fabric tighter. Why were you feeling like this? Was that…jealousy you felt? You didn’t understand where that had come from. This was your best friend. Your prince best friend. He was bound to get married and have a lavish life with his bride. You couldn’t stop that, you couldn’t change it.

"Do you know anything of the women I have been offered?"

Was this another one of his cruel jokes? You wanted to vomit all over the bushes of flowers passing you as you walked. You managed to shake your head in response. "I’m sure they’re all wonderful."

He scoffed. "More like they’re all incredibly boring."

You gasped, "Loki, I’m not sure you should be speaking that way of them."

"It’s doesn’t matter," he shrugged, "because none of them are what I want."

You didn’t know if you actually wanted to know what he was seeking. You looked at him wearily.

You two walked in silence for a moment. Loki was now watching the ground intensely. You couldn’t believe how much his gaze was wandering. It must’ve been for courage because the next words out of his mouth were ones you had never thought you’d ever hear. From anyone.

"I believe you could be what I want," he said. He spoke your name so softly. "I’d like to ask for your hand in marriage."

You stopped walking, your legs suddenly unable to move. Your eyes grew wide as complete shock raced over you. You didn’t know what to do, too scared to speak because you didn’t know what was going to come out. Your first thought was that this was one of his magic tricks. Maybe he wasn’t even here, just a clone of him as he wished to make a fool of you. It wouldn’t be the first time but he had never been so cruel.

"You’re not saying anything," Loki noted. He had stopped a few feet ahead of you, completely taken off guard by your halt.

"I-I don’t understand." The words felt so heavy forcing their way out of your mouth.

"I don’t believe I stuttered, dear."

Your jaw dropped, surprised it hadn’t hit the floor already. He was seriously asking this. Loki, a literal prince, and your best friend, was asking for your hand in marriage. But — But you just didn’t know why. Why would he ask such a thing? Not only were you an unwed mother, he knew very well about your boyfriend. It was almost insulting he’d think you’d give up just because business or whatever it was was taking a while. You didn’t even want to begin to think about what this could all mean for your daughter.

"Loki… I… I don’t know. This seems crazy—,"

"Crazy?" His expression turned dark. You suddenly regretted the word despite it holding true. "What is so crazy about me wanting to take your hand? I thought this could be good. You and your daughter would have everything you’d ever want. You’d be a princess for crying out loud!"

You flinched at his anger. You had never seen him so enraged before. It made your whole body stiffen.

"I see. This… This is very generous of you but my boyfriend…"

Loki chuckled but there wasn’t any humor found within it. "Of course. The nobleman." He rolled his eyes. "Tell me again, dear, how long has it been? Do you really think he’s going to just show back up one day?"

"Of course," you nodded. "He told me—,"

"He’s not coming back."

You began shaking your head, growing more and more upset as the seconds passed. "You don’t know that."

Loki sighed, defeatedly. "I do know that, dear." A heavy pause. "I know that because I’m the one that sent him away."

You were certain in that moment your heart had stopped. Everything had stopped. You could barely tell anymore how you got from point A to point B.

"Wh-What do you mean?"

"What I mean is I’ve had my eye on you for a long time," he explained. He was standing so tall making you feel minuscule. "I always thought you could be just right for me but then that nobleman waltzed into your life. Granted, he wasn’t me. He couldn’t give you what I could but he tried his best." Loki shrugged. "I had no choice, really. He threatened everything. He derailed my plan but it’s alright. I think after tonight it’ll be back on track, correct?"

You held your hands up in defense, practically begging Loki to slow down. Your head was spinning. "You sent away the father of my child?"

Loki sighed, sounding actually regretful. "Truly, that wasn’t ever my intention. I didn’t know he was going to do that."

"And you think since you forced him out of the picture, you can swoop in and ask for my hand in marriage? We never had a courtship! Are you even hearing yourself?"

"I’m a prince, darling." He sounded so casual. "We do not court like the rest of you."

Gosh, you felt like you were going to vomit. Your hands fell to your stomach as you tried to calm yourself. You had never heard Loki separate you two so clearly before. Like he had drawn a line, definitively.

Your words tasted like venom as you forced yourself to speak. "Can I at least think about it?"

"I’m afraid not. They’d like an answer tonight."

Tonight. That was what this dinner had been for. You weren’t invited just out of the kindness of his heart. You had been attending your own engagement party.

"Loki, this… I— This is insane. You’re— You’re insane—,"

"Am I, really?" He pressed, taking a few steps closer. You trembled under a darkened gaze you had never seen before on him. "I’m not sure that’s how you should be speaking to the man trying to offer you a bit of… stability."

"Stability?" You repeated. "You think that’s all that I want?"

"Would this not grant your daughter a better life? The little shop of yours is only getting you two so far, dear."

The shock had worn off as you were now being filled with rage. "Don’t you dare bring my daughter into this anymore," you gritted. "Of course, I want nothing but the best for her but I also deserve someone who will truly love me. You’re — You’re just asking to fulfill some royal commitment and trying to pass it off like this is some big, grand gesture to help me."

Loki looked a bit taken back by your words. Even you were a bit surprised by yourself. You didn’t know where this fight was coming from within you. Probably from the depths of motherhood, if you had to guess. But it felt good in a way.

After a heavy moment, Loki asked, "Was I so wrong to assume this proposal could actually help us both?"

That was the real kicker of it all, you thought. This actually could help you both.

"I want to marry someone who loves me."

Loki seemed to debate around the idea mentally. "I’m certain that within time something could bloom. I’m not a psychopath, darling." He smirked. "But I truly can’t believe you’d give this up all for the minuscule chance at love, the hopeless thing that got you where you are today."

You gasped. "I would’ve had true love if you hadn’t banished him away!"

Loki let out a humorless laugh. "You are so adorable, you know that?" You flinched as he got close enough now to place a hand on your damp cheek. You were practically forced to look in his eyes as he spoke. "That man was nothing but a spoiled brat and I refuse to believe you actually fell for his game."

You felt yourself crumbling down again. Way beneath him. "He… He was really…"

"Don’t you dare try to defend him, do you hear me?" Loki spat. That darkness was washing over but this time it felt like a storm you couldn’t escape. "I will not have my bride speak such niceties about another man."

"Your bride—,"

"While I’ve enjoyed this little midnight confessional, we have some good news to share with everyone, don’t we?"

You didn’t know what to do. What to think anymore. He wasn’t letting up. You were trapped. It was like the prison gate had shut behind you. You were stone-cold now, completely under his control. You were giving up in complete defeat. You could scream until you were blue in the face but you were running in circles. At least your daughter would know a home.

"Yes."

Loki’s face lit up. He removed his hands from you. "Fantastic," he said, heading back towards the palace. You helplessly followed beside him. He wrapped an arm around your waist and said, "Happy engagement, dear."