#literally like the 'okay so it turns out this isnt true but the fact that it sounds plausible really says something 😤' stuff

[tchaikovskaya]

there are literally several people in the notes of that post who are continuing to make it about the american education system like doubling down really hard. and saying it proves a point that someone immediately assumed it was a very real country in western europe (!) that they had never been told about, instead of their first thought being "hold on, what?"

[torchstelechos]

just saw you saying you want to talk about The Characters (isat) what are some thoughts you got bip bap boppin around in the noggin about the Them

Ooooooooohhhh Anon,,,, Ooooooh, You have unlocked deep thoughts and long monologues.... have this piece of bullshit that I spat out in excitement

Isabeau: 

Ah yes, dear Isabeau, my most beloathed <3 (self recognition in other /derogatory). He’s one of the characters I’ve written the most meta for that's actually about his character in the game. I love him and hate him in equal measures but that's not what I want to talk about today! I want to discuss his morbid humor and fascination, I suppose. Also his rather interesting character type and how that's displayed in the game, specifically through his morbid thoughts and discussion choices. 

In the game we see plenty of times that Isabeau uses morbid word choices (killed them so that I could live friendquest quote) and brings up morbid discussion topics (what do we do if you die? What do we do if Bonnie dies?) that the others find disquieting. He also laughs at Siffrin’s time traveler joke, finds scary Siffrin attractive, and finds being paid attention too enough that they can harm you attractive. This brings me to my main point, which is that Isabeau is the cold scientist archetype character that tries to be the himbo fighter character. Of course we know that hes trying to hide himself behind the himbo character type, but the fact that he's analytic to a fault, morbid in almost every way, finds scary things attractive, and calls Changing killing his past self… this man is very much a scientist that was about to turn evil but decided friendship was the answer whose character was subverted into himbo fighter because those who are dumb are more liked than those who know things. It's interesting, and I think it’s one of the reasons I despise Isabeau POV fanfics. Most fanfics feel almost like his facade is him, and thats just not true and it bugs me so very much to read fanfics with his POV now. But! This isnt to say those fanfics aren’t well done! They are, I just find them lacking in canon Isabeau’s almost neutral analytical personality that was then filtered through therapy and self help books esque vibe. Fascinating character, hate him dearly for it though. 

Misc thoughts: 

I generally have a hard time nailing down everything I feel about him for a variety of reasons but I do want to say that I think he finds Siffrin’s big melt down appearance attractive after the whole thing blows over. I also think he doesn't have the best track record for what is okay to say or not? So he falls back on “I am dumb therefore I can say things that others find disturbing and frame it as something I just don't understand or misunderstood :)” which kind of backfires on him constantly because now no one really takes him seriously? I don’t know, I just find most smart characters have a hard time figuring out the social situation of certain things so they tend to either not care at all for tact or overthink everything and over compensate by not allowing themself to go for certain things. In this instance its him not being able to confess because he thinks he's bad for liking someone in a certain way and doesn't want to pressure them which backfires because he's otherwise a good communicator but failed hard with Siffrin. Speaking of, I don’t think hes ever gotten with anyone other than Siffrin. It took the world literally almost ending and a time looping induced trauma attack for him to confess he liked Siffrin, this man does NOT have game. So, lol, that kiss? Probably his first <3, RIP my man did not deserve that

Odile:

Strangely enough I don’t believe I have ever written a meta post for Odile? Or anything about her other than tags? So yeah, let's focus on her. She's a very honesty based character in a game literally about someone not being able to speak the truth, which is why I appreciate the sus route so much. She noticed something was wrong and went for it, leading her down rabbit holes best left untouched. Odile is a character that I truly think would have accidentally unleashed an eldritch horror on the quest if not for Isabeau stopping her. Mainly because she is smart but not academic smart, she's learned from her travels plenty of things that lend to real life experience but she's not much of an academic when it comes to how to get answers she wants (taking until the very last town to get a familytale while Siffrin took maybe three loops to do is. Certainly something!). Its fascinating, because if I were to actually describe her personality and how that lends to a character archetype I would say that she's a brawler character. Effectively, she and Isabeau are reflections of each other in a very specific way and I think about this often in her relation to the group. Its almost laughable how shes been put into this responsibility role of the group while Isabeau is off goofing around (and secretly plotting how to best respect his friends remains), shes not very good at knowing what is the best course of action and acts out in impulsive ways that harms others (Looking at you, hitting Trauma Big Siffrin moment) and that doesn’t… make her a good leader per say? I just find it funny, how others write her as someone who would go out of her way to research Siffrin’s home country and succeed when she barely succeeded in her own knowledge hunt. If anything, it would be Isabeau who would find the information and inform Odile rather than the other way round. I dunno, I just don’t think anyone is really considering the fact that she probably hasn’t set foot into a higher academic institution just based on her research skills. 

Misc thoughts: 

I’ve only seen one fanfic acknowledge the fact that Odile hit Siffrin? And did so in such a way that it hurt badly. I wouldn’t be surprised if it left a scar (which that little freak probably adores because he knows that it means he wont forget Odile ever again), alongside the others they gave themself. Speaking of said hurting, I don’t think it's really acknowledged how much Odile puts down Siffrin? Yes it's usually just a teasing moment here or there, but have yall thought of the fact that she compared Siffrin to an animal and has hit him? I think about this so much. I think about it when I'm trying to fall asleep sometimes. She did that to him, and he *remembers it,* he acknowledges it during act 5, he has that ingrained into his *soul.* I think people should write about it more, or at least acknowledge that Siffrin probably… doesn’t want to talk to Odile about feelings or be touched by her for a while? Honestly, if I was Siffrin’s position during the failed friendquest moments? I would have said worse. I would have done worse. Because can you imagine? Imagine with me, you just remembered that your country is gone, everyone you love either doesnt remember you or is dead, the only person who could possibly tell you anything is the man you must kill, and your family member is talking about how hard it is to be in the country her mother is from and not feel a connection to it. That you are both more than your heritage. I would start biting, kicking, fighting, hell I would probably find out what she looks like without her bun! I would be pissed. But yaknow, Siffrin is a nice fella and kind of only waited to go off the deep end when they were sure they wouldn’t be able to escape. Anyway, I think of Odile sometimes and get violently ill by the knowledge she no longer holds that would explain some of Siffrin’s reactions and word choices to her cause no matter what? She can’t take it back. She never even said it. It’s not even real anymore. God I love this game, it makes me feel sick.

Mirabelle: 

Big ol’ sigh, yeah the-bitter-ocean if your out there I think about your tags on my Mira post a lot. The fandom doesn’t really get her do they? Most of the time I see people write her off as not very understanding or oblivious to other people’s feelings, which fair for romance (she didnt notice the very glowing sign of what I believe to be a ginger blushing but yaknow I understand as aro) but shes very good at knowing when someone isn’t feeling well? She has several unique dialogue options after Siffrin gets up from the field after looping which Odile does not have (despite EVERYONE ACKNOWLEDGING THEY’RE NOT OKAY), and asks after their wellbeing despite being in a constant anxiety attack and morality stress issues induced panic attack in the house. The only real big character flaw is a very typical shonen main character flaw which is that she is too trusting to a degree that it let Siffrin get away with almost destroying the world, Bonnie dying, and the others stepping all over her own feelings (not that any of these are her fault, but she did contribute to the lack of communication which lead to the loops. I love her, I do, but EVERYONE had a hand in Siffrin getting stuck in the loops). Her trust is also what led to the big fallout and slap she gives Siffrin during act 5, she was already giving her heart to him and the others and was constantly checking in during the adventure to make sure everyone was happy and okay with what was happening so the sudden switch from her POV is a huge betrayal of her trust in them. This is basically someone you were already on edge about hating you suddenly deciding that yes, they do hate you and everything you stand for because *they know.* No matter what you think about the situation, Mirabelle’s trust (her biggest character flaw) was thrown back into her face after she thought they were okay with her (not even a few weeks ago they said that this was the happiest they have ever been and she *remembers this fully and utterly*) and broke her heart with all her insecurities. It’s a very hopeless situation when you don’t have context, which means I don’t really blame her for slapping Siffrin, I just wish that it didn’t happen because as a Player I know the full context. Betrayal of trust… its a funny thing in this game, because it wasn’t a betrayal specifically from one POV but from the other it was. Fascinating! I despise it, I love it, it makes me sick. 

Misc Thoughts: 

Oooooh Mira we are in it now, This endgame of yours has left you with insecurities and trauma you didn’t think possible. I love her, I do, which is why I also have a great idea for a fanfic that involves her getting some VERY bad coping mechanisms <3 teehee. Careful what you wish for darling! Things go bad if you don’t take care of what you love. Anyway, I don’t think it’s weird to have Mira in outfits that are contrasting too heavily from her personality in the game? I dont know how to say this, but I think it’s a tad strange that I’ve seen roleswap aus/personality swap aus where Mirabelle is different via aesthetic? Because thats her whole religion? Sure she doesnt want to change but I don’t think she minds much clothing or aesthetic wise? In fact i think she considers that the safest option? So I dunno, I think people should dress her in goth and emo outfits more. Also I do think its a tad silly people don’t focus too much on her journey trauma and rather focus on her romance trauma, yall know that was just a distraction and not her main issues, right? Like yall know this game isnt romance the simulator, right???? RIGHT???? God Mira, you would hate that the fandom boils you down to your AceAroness, I just fucking know it. 

Bonnie: 

Who let this sassy small child into this story???? God, dearest Bonnie, the literal best party member Imo. I love them dearly, they are one of the meanest fucking assholes in the game I adore them. Yall think about the longstanding issues Siffrin has with touch and reaching out and how the rotten adults route fucking annihilates them into smithereens lol. I think about the fact that Bonnie has harmed Siffrin soooo much in the loops, it leaves me breathless because this small child has killed Siffrin twice, slapped their hands away when they tried to help them (for the first time in Bonnies POV!! Thats huge!!), and yelled at them multiple times about how awful they are. I do wonder what would have happened if the rotten adults route continued without looping? Who would have spoken up and who would have had to realize that something is WRONG with Siffrin in that moment? Would Bonnie backpedal when they realize? What was Siffrin’s facial expression right then? What happened? I just. God. Fuck. No one talks about this AT ALL in the fandom and it drives me insane. Despite everything, despite what was erased, what was unmade, the effects stayed and will continue to harm Siffrin. Do yall think about the idea that Siffrin probably doesnt reach out until Bonnie does post loops? I think about this so much, Bonnie has harmed Siffrin so many times it would kill them if they ever found out, and I desperately need them to find out. I also kind of,, just assumed that Bonnie would be keeping a keen eye on Siffrin’s eating and remind them to eat and drink water (even if I dont think Siffrin needs that) after the loops because its an easy way to help and have some control over situations? I dunno, I think Bonnie is a very complicated kid who has harmed and been harmed and no one will ever know just how much has been done and undone. 

Misc Thoughts: 

I still think Bonnie should be able to make and throw bombs post bomb memory. I just NEED Bonnie to throw a molotov at the King, fuck, it would be so funny. Also as a side note, I do think growing up Bonnie has to deal with a lot of untreated Trauma and probably reacts very similar to Siffrin before someone comments on the fact that they are just like him and suddenly they start going to a therapist about it, I do not think they would take it as a compliment for even one instance. They would get sick so fast and go, me and them? Similar? No. I have to go to get a doctor. I cannot be a Frin Jr. the world could not handle it. And suddenly they have the second best mental health of the group (first goes to Isabeau because Isabeau was already in therapy before the game, I just fucking know it <3) which makes everyone fucking jealous as hell because seriously? The Kid??? Damnit. But yeah I do think the fastest way anyone could get Bonnie to accept help is to compare them to Siffrin because they do have a Recognition of Self in the Other (derogatory) thing going on with Siffrin in the game, which is probably worse by the fact that they grew up with him as a role model. Everyone that knows them is like, oh my change your so lucky! The saviors are your family that must be so cool <3, and Bonnie is like. They make me to go to bed on time and force me to eat veggies what the fuck are you saying. Anyway yeah I love Bonnie so much, the meanest fucking kid in the game <3. 

Siffrin: 

Aaauuuggghhhhh, the one everyone is waiting for, the Siff of the Frin. Love this fucking idiot, but yeah lets talk touch and how the family has hurt them over the loops <3. Okay so straight out the gate, Bad touch! Isabeau pushing them away after they kiss him, which is very understandable because yaknow Isabeau could tell that was a desperation kiss and is not okay for either of them but! Holy shit! Siffrin, my dear friend that was probably the worst thing you could have done, but yeah that did leave its marks deeply in them so I will mark that down as harmed. Then we get the bad friendquests, which yeah Isabeau hitting them with the “I thought you were also trying” hurts more than I can physically say, but we’ll mark that down as two. Then Odile hits them, grabs their collar, sus quest bullshit, and general disdain for Siffrin lying about the stars we’ll mark down as four more which leads to six. Mirabelle slapping Siffrin and letting him get away with lying about his health we’ll put at 8. Bonnie pushing him into a tear, pineapple, slapping hands away, and yelling at them multiple times we’ll put at 12. Then there's the “like taming a wild animal” teasing which Ill put at 13, all of which is just off the top of my brain and I know there's more moments that hurt Siffrin deeply. Yaknow, looking at this, typing this, it seems a tad silly but. How else could I describe the never ending pain at knowing that most of these wont be acknowledged as bad for Siffrin as it was bad for the others? I dunno, I think about Siffrin giving everything up for the party and no one knowing exactly what they did because how could they? It’s gone. It’s not real anymore, not until Siffrin says it. I just. I dont know where I’m going with this but Siffrin as a character hurts me deeply, and I think it’s because no matter what happens Siffrin refuses to acknowledge when the others hurt him back. Just. Keeping the cycle going because they dont know how to break it, and they never have until they break first. I just think of this a lot. Him being stuck, in circles over and over. 

Misc Thoughts: 

I wanna chew him up and spit him out like a dog toy. No further comments (see my blog for further comments). ((I need to see a Self inflicted Achromatic animatic, pls, fuck plsssss))

LOOP: 

Loop time!! Loop time! I am physically ill because of this beast. You all know that one fanart where it says “You Won!” and Loop is dry heaving? Thats me at literally any moment when I think about Loop. 

I am a little shy to admit though that I didn’t catch their facade at first, mainly because I’m not very good at catching things like that at first? If a person acts a certain way, thats how they act! So Yeah, ya boy was confused by two hats lol. But afterwards I did do a bit of thinking and as I mentioned in a previous post i do think Loop is pretending/acting like how they remembered Siffrin acted like before the loops. Mira mentions that Siffrin is mean in teasing, enough so that it might have hurt if she didnt know that it was friendly teasing. Isabeau has a great monologue about his feelings on Siffrin before the loops, and Siffrin themself acknowledges some of their less than savory traits before the loops during the loops as well. This is to say, Loop is a fucking prick that tries to be floating and teasing in their comments while hitting where it hurts in just the right way that they can pretend that they mean something else. I genuinely think thats how Loop remembers themself before they were Loop, even if they got some things VERY WRONG. Of course, by the time they realize this it’s too late and that’s their personality now, which is kind of fucked up when you realize how much of their personality is them acting out a half remembered person who died many many many loops ago. But alas, such is the way of Loop. 

Also if we think about Loop in comparison to Siffrin. Well. We get an interesting picture. But the thought makes me too ill to continue. But I will say loving someone so much you destroy yourself for them… I don't think anyone in the family would be happy about that really. Theres a difference between destroying yourself and destroying the world… I wonder why that is for them, what made the difference between self and the world. A fool, and the world. Hmm. Interesting. Anyway, Loop’s facade gets me everytime and I want to use them as a stuffed animal. 

Misc Thoughts: 

Yeah that STAR CAN NOT EAT OR DRINK, lol get rekted they cant even fucking get drunk. Now for some HCs, I do think that Loop would wear a promise ring, even if no one in this Vaugarde understands what that means. I just. Think that Loop wouldn’t be able to let go of Their Fighter. Hahaha! I don’t really wanna go further into detail about this rn but I AM THINKING… Loop is one of the saddest characters I have ever fucking had the audacity to love. No I will not take comments on this further lol. (Me loving Loop and Siffrin while disliking Isabeau? Call me an Isabeau Kinnie at the rate lol)

[ganondoodle]

you know, as if it wasnt already boring enough that both link and zelda got back to their 'perfect' physical selves without any consquences from all that happened, the fact that zelda doesnt even remember anything either is just adding insult to injury

although it was also a lil disappointing at the end of botw that zelda didnt age even a little bit or had any other physical change at least she was conscious during the time she sealed calamity ganon in the castle and it overall feels less illogical

when you get the mastersword back in totk you get a cutscene of zelda with it after she had already transformed which kinda .... is weird? she seemed pretty awake there, and it being right after transforming is strange since the mastersword was already restored in that cutscene, i would expect it to be a slow progress- that said .. it also seemed like her soul was doing pretty fine, unlike how mineru said that you lose your soul when you do the dragon thingy; i guess it could be that that was jsut a thing that was believed without knowing if its true but ... why even mention it then, just to dangle some consequence in front of us only to reveal there wasnt any danger actually?

also someone (i think) commented once that zelda being turned back in that weird way was meant to be that she got time reversed .. which ... okay??? the teleport to that weird nakey floating dimension is still a weird choice to me (yes i know its probably the spirit realm or soemthing and thats why the ghosts that went poff already were there but it still feels off to me) .. aynway, i guess it was meant that ghost sonia + rauru did the give power to link thing that sonia and zelda did to rauru when he magic laser blasted all those poor moldoras (and never does it again ... why not magic laser blast away gan instead he was pretty openly standing on that rock problem solved hfldshnflsnjlfs) and that time reversed the dragon thing .... but aside from the symbol for the time thingy lighting up theres no indication for it if i remember right? its just some awkward looking magic beam blast save zelda edition (tm) why not at least include the clear tök sound that goes off when you use time reversal in game? would it have been both more clear AND cool if link was still standing on her head, the world gets that spirit realm filter like it did in skyward sword to indicate that theres a shift, then have the ghosties appear and let you as the player select time thingy and then her, ghosties give you their energy and the sound of time reversal goes off, the schemes of the world below goes black and white and start to shift; you dont need to literally show the path zelda had been flying over those thousands of years, but make the world a blurry mess and let the music speed up so you feel like you are actually doing something and then she turns back maybe near the temple of time (zonau edition) so its near the place where she was last human, the filters and ghosts disappear and whoop you got your epic falling scene ... but i would like to have zelda still remember it, otherwise it just feels .. weirdly manipulative? like lets reverse your brain and memory zelda no dont worry i meant good lmao trust me

that is if it was meant to be read as a time reversal on her .... but then i question why it wasnt used beforehand? couldnt you have done that to ganondorf even? if sonia and rauru can give you enough energy as ghosts then why couldnt sonia reappear after getting one-punche-mand-to-death or when you fight gan in the present time? is the excuse that he was so miasmafied or deep below the earth that the spirit world thing isnt in reach? couldnt you have done it after he did the dragon thing then? or is it a one time thing so they saved it for zelda? but then why didnt sonia get her ghost ass back there immediately after she died and time revrsed gan getting the enigma stone? ALSO if it was a time reversal on zelda where did the stone go??? shouldnt it be time reversaled out of her in some way to undo the dragon thing? where it go?? also to time reversal a body gotta be different to getting her soul back?? or was it just never gone so what mineru said about the risk was literally jsut so it seemed more tragic when it really wasnt??? like the apparent possibilty that the time reversal CAN be used on living things and not just objects makes me question it all even more?

(also was it meant to imply that rauru somehow through his arm got them both into the ghosty dimension?? bc how did they get there, and why cant they do it again? if spirits are fine over there even if they already went poof then why act so sad about mineru fking off like that? just go back there and say hi? njfkdnjkdj)

like im sorry i cant help but overthink all of this, with every supposedly explanation i just question it more?? i dont want to sound like one of those guys that go -OoHoh there was no clear text explanation for it so i dont knooooOOOOoOw i dont know how to use ma braiiin it makes no seeeensee- or maybe i am? i dont need an explanation for everything, in fact i LIKE when there are unexplained things, but it still has to feel .. whole? there are unexplained things that make a world and story feel more mystical without taking you out of it, but theres also a way to leave things both over AND underexplained with it seemingly contradicting itself or it just trusting that you take it all at face value and never think about it that it just feels off, the the first big moment where i felt SO taken out of the game i felt actually stunned was when i was at the shrine of life and it wasnt there anymore, at all, the cave shaped like a vague imitation of it, i felt like the game was laughing at me for being so distraught about it, like what you remember and care about the game this new one was supposed to be a sequel to? lmao, anyway theres a puddle of healing water :)))

idk i just ... if its not obvious already zelda is my special thingy so of course i overthink and criticize it in ways that may seem insane to the average person, but thats just how i work i guess :/

(i am still too thinking so much about how it all feels like such an afterthought, like especially with the weird time bubbles that literally NEVER COME UP AGAIN???? WHAT WAS THE POINT??? AND WHERE DID THEY COME FROM??? and why youd choose to suddendly give zelda time powers out of nowhere and then basically not do anything with it?? zelda astral projecting to the temple of time somehow even tho her soul was lost but is also fine just to give you the time reversal gimmick is so ?? oh wow look at that zelda gave you her sage oath before you even knew about them look how coool ok but how? and why? it wasnt the actual engima stone you touch to go into ghosty world either just like a .. a weird ghost of it, it just feels off man, ok you got zelda out the way and have your neat gimmicks and uuuh dang we need to find a way to give them to you idk lol listen, i KNOW you are not supposed to question it, i KNOW they always go gameplay over story but goddamn the story ruined the gameplay for me bc everytime i think about playing it again i just get reminded of the things that dont make sense or are just so .. lackluster in ways that even botws worst parts didnt)

[spidermanifested]

as someone who likes to think hes thought a decent amount about the story of fullmetal alchemist. aka every single day for the past however many years. the thing about the bafflingly prevalent contingent of people who insist that fmas politics are actually very nuanced and leftist is. that i honestly cant figure out what parts of it they even mean?

is it the part where fascism is defeated by war criminal "heroes" who insist that the best way to enact large scale change is to never directly challenge systems, but to infiltrate them and work your way up to the top until you can become the dictator yourself and then tell everyone that actually voting is cool. unless the whole world is about to end, in which case youre allowed to do One coup but then you have to lie to the whole country about what happened and go back to doing incrementalism

is it the part where fascism isnt interrogated realistically as a cultivated product of social unrest, stratification and bigotry, but instead was instituted by a Cosmically Evil Badguy, and all the imperialism and genocide was just kind of a byproduct of that, and if we beat that one guy then everything will eventually be fine

the part where the difference between a Good King and a Bad King is that a good king CARES about his subjects and a bad king DOESNT care >:( but even within the "we need to turn amestris into a democracy!!!" lukewarmly liberal moral framework theres zero discussion of the fact that maybe monarchies are also pretty bad. and the good ending is when the Good King promises to protect the oppressed ethnic minorities in his country but god forbid those minorities actually have any political power themselves

is it the part where the most oppressed ethnic minority in *amestris* is represented by "Religious Terrorist (But Sad)", "Terrorist's Dead Brother", "System-Loving Cop", "Old Lady Who Shows Up Once To Say Not All White People", and "Literally Gandhi. Look At Him Hes Saying A Gandhi Quote"

is it the part where killing people is the worst thing you can do, but if you do mass murder to civilians on behalf of a government but feel really bad the whole time you can still be a good guy, but if you do any amount of killing for any other reason or while feeling an emotion other than sadness youre a borderline-irredeemable monster, unless youre barry the chopper in which case it was funny so its okay (< the only part here thats true)

is it the part where the main character gains the respect of a member of the aforementioned ethnic minority by being racist to him. the part where a black girl has to get scolded by a white girl to realize that stealing is wrong. the part where the only major character to refuse to take part in a genocide is constantly called a coward for doing so by his epic girlboss hypernationalist sister and this is never really challenged. the part where the Sad Religious Terrorist gets guilt tripped so hard about killing 2 people while he was having the worlds most understandable panic attack that he decides hes fine working together with the guys who killed his family, because the System Loving Cop is so heroic, for wanting to do incrementalism, which again, is inherently moral

like the more i think about it the less i get it. this is the most milquetoast "bad things are bad and good things are good" status quo loving political narrative for 15 year olds on earth. where is the super relevant social commentary. because it feels like its just incredibly surface level "the bad guy is like hitler so the author is antifascist and based!!!" 2014 harry potter fandom type nonsense and its REALLY weird that it always comes from people insisting that theyre just that much better at media analysis than all the haters?? and that any criticism must be missing the point. what point. what is the point

[mako-neexu]

If the theory about Chaldean actually being a version of Solomon from Chaldeas turns out to be true, as a Romani fan, would you be content with the possibility of him being summonable? Or do you think such possibility doesn’t exist at all/would you want Chaldean to be summonable at all? It feels like Nasu is preparing his identity reveal to happen in Antarctica, but nevertheless Chaldean claims he isn’t familiar with our Chaldea. Considering Dr.Roman has been a fan favourite for years and the fact that it’s heavily implied he’s Ritsuka’s hope (they think about him when they’re at their lowest), do you think there’s a way for Chaldean to somehow be relevant to Mash and Ritsuka? There’s also Mash’s “I wasn’t even able to say goodbye to him” regret, so I feel like Nasu is kind of preparing some type of closure in the finale? But since he claimed to be an enemy of Chaldea, I do wonder if it’s just gonna be a soul-crushing mentally exhausting battle against him as to parallel Solomon chapter (as if Romani’s fans weren’t tortured already smhhhh)

A lot of yapping I’m sorry… but just wanted to ask what are your overall thoughts on this whole Chaldean situation

okok so like ive said in the past (especially during december last year) everyone was saying they want a summonable romani because you know, feels and everyone loves roman. but i dont want a summonable romani. i think he shouldnt be summonable at all. whether the servant bears his name or his face, it doesnt matter to me. he shouldnt be summonable. he literally sacrificed himself at temple of time. he's suffered for a decade after wishing to be human and the grail granted him that. but at the last moment, his clairvoyance prevented him from having a normal human life and so his duty once more shackled him in this life as well. he was plagued with nightmares, always running away from his fears, it was a life where he couldnt live peacefully and he was a coward afraid of being close to others. and in the end, just when he was having fun, he had to give everything up. his life, his responsibilities, his existence, he made a self-sacrifice to save guda and mash and chaldea- paved the way for the future. it wouldnt make romani happy if he was ever summoned as a servant. because the burden of those memories as solomon, god's agent, the king of magic and grand caster- heroic spirit of the World, would be there and he would be bound to his duty for as long as he remembers. so the best ending for him is to be a free human without anything weighing him down. a life of normalcy just like he's always wanted.

as for chaldean, we barely know anything about him except for stuff like him having a sword, has medical knowledge, along with golden eyes and scars and a uniform almost the same as romani except the green part replaced with black. and yeah, i think we will see him in antarctica or maybe after the ruler ordeal call? depends on what happens..

considering chaldean is wearing "soemthing close to" romani's face, it is highly likely nasu will be writing those parts for romani and mash? but i do think chaldean came from the alien world. "that body" most likely comes from there as well. afaik theres not much info about it yet besides alien world, the apostles, marisbury's plan to bleach the earth all along that ensures the safety of the human order yet is cosmically regarded as a threat.

that said.. chaldean could also be goetia but if you see how he speaks in JP i remember everyone saying its completely different….that it isnt goetia at all but its also neither roman which led some people to theorize its galahad instead bc of the sword. again no one knows so far so we just have to wait and hope :P

and its okay! thank you for telling me your thoughts!

[skylilac]

what’s going on (i’m seeing out of context spn posts on my dash). what happened

HII OK SO actually im not even 100% sure on the details of this one but basically two actors on spn (one played a vampire who was lowk def fucking dean and the other played deans werewolf bf or actually like a human turned werewolf but thats not the point) were like best friends during filming like went to the others weddings and kept posting on twt abt being besties etc etc. but like literally all of the spn cast acts like theyre in love w each other genuinely they could be making out in public and everyone would be like “wow the cw is going hard w the queerbaiting promo this time”. but also like. i think ty (the vampire actor) literally posted a pic of them on best friends day and went like “we’re non-sexual life partners” or some insane shit like that a bunch of years ago so. so really it was a mess

anyway but like yesterday dj announced he was like fully in love w ty and also they were getting married!!!! im not totally caught up on the lore but judging by general reactions this was NOT expected. so for a normal tv show this would be met w “good for them!” but everyones still a little traumatized from bishagate two years ago and ppl were like okay this is gonna turn out a mistake he prob meant “platonic life partners” again this could be queerbaiting to promote s16 (which like isnt even confirmed yet) but like ppl werent fully sure??? like its PROBABLY real and that means being super happy for them but like their coworker literally accidentally came out once and didnt say anything for two days so who knows. but like. its prob true!!!!! and the trend of ppl getting married w their spn coworkers?? its insane. AND the werepire jokes bc they had the funniest possible casting combo AND the fact that they went from “im so happy youre getting married to her!” to “im marrying you asap”????? sooo funny i love spn sm we’re getting endless updates on the lore

[hermanunworthy]

!DNDADS S2 EP36 SPOILERS!

alrighty! im writing this out in my notes app this time to make sure it doesnt all get deleted like last time: s2 ep36 thoughts! in real time! lets go!

- idc what the episode title or any other official stuff says, i am gonna say terri instead of terry for scary

- HERMIE HERMIE HERMIE HERMIE OH MY GODDDD IM ALREADY STIMMING SO HARD OMG OMG

- PLZ LET THE HERMIE X SCARY STUFF STOP PLZ I CANNOT TAKE THIS

- my arms hurt now. i got too excited. also my headphones need to charge DANG IT

- LINC HAS HAD THE SAME CONTACTS IN SINCE PAPA JOHNS??? and we thought hermie suffered the most /j

- oh god no ofc theres a drinking fact 😁😁

- IT IS NOW TIME. CUE THE GUNSHOTS

- idk WHY im drinking a soda during this im already jittery enough

- NORMAL GOT SHOT

- NOOOO THEY GOT A GARTOK BRACELET ON TJ?? well looks like the brainwash theory people were sorta right

- DOES THIS MEAN BARRY IS FREE NOW?? WHERE IS BARRY???

- how much do u wanna bet hermie isnt gonna get a turn.

- TERRI CALLING NORMAL HUBBY IS SO CURSED

- oh okay so tj is aware and not in like brainwashed mode okay good

- HERMIE!!!!

- "hermie is going to.. sulk. beth, it is ur turn" ANTHONY COME ON.

- TERRIS INTRODUCING HERSELF TO TERRY.....

- "what did u do to my scary?" WAAAA 😭😭

- LINCOLN OH NO

- IF BARRY FUCKING COMES BACK THIS EPISODE I WILL LOOOOSE MY SHIT

- okay is this not barrys earring thing?? is this collar a new one? idk ig this just doesnt have to do anything w barry lmao. i really wonder what happened to that guy though

- TERRI TALKING ABOUT HER DAD IN FRONT OF TERRY OW

- LINCOLN being the one to remember hermie wow how the tables have turned

- NOOOOOO I MADE A JOKE ABOUT HERMIE GETTING A CRUSH ON LINCOLN BEFORE DONT MAKE IT COME TRUE

- WHY IS HERMIE ABLE TO ACCEPT VALIDATION FROM EVERYONE EXCEPT NORMAL. KILL ME

- im gonna be sick.

- HERMIE NEEDING NORMAL TO BE A PART OF ANOTHER THROUPLE THIS IS SUS KID THIS IS SUS I KNOW WHAT U ARE

- ALSO HANG ON HANG ON HOLD UP. HOLD UP. DO WE NOW HAVE CANON BI (or at least mspec) HERMIE??? HOLY SHIT LETS GOOOO

- OAKWORTHY FANS HOW ARE WE FEELING??? IM VERY CONFUSED AS ALWAYS

- WE TECHNICALLY GOT G NOTED AGAIN EXCEPT ANTHONY WAS SINGING IN THE WRONG KEY LMAO

- ARE THEY JUST GONNA BE LIKE. MARRIED THE REST OF THE SEASON??? HELP

- TERRI HUGGED TERRY AAAUAGAHHH

- IM SO HAPPY HERMIE IS GETTING SM SCREENTIME WTF IS THIS

- OHHHH MY GOD I CANNOT WAIT TO DRAW SCARY HERMIE HOLY SHIT

- OH NO. I JUST REALIZED. TERRYS VISION.... THE SCARY HE SAW W THE TAPE MEASURER WAS ACTUALLY HERMIE WASNT IT. I LITERALLY FORGOT THAT TERRY IS ABOUT TO DIE.

- YALL. TERRY STEPHEN STAMPLER MARLOWE JR. FIRST KIDDAD TO DIE. ☹️

- WHO SHOT TERRY. WHO DID IT

- GRANT????? I ACTUALLY SCREAMED IM NGL I SCREAMED. WHAT THE FUUUUCK

- OKAY. OKAY. wow. okay

[preshtagonist]

Half-baked spidey oc thoughts under the cut

Arachnien is agender, any pronouns. Literally that tiktok thats like “hey whatre your pronouns” “oh i use any” “ok cool. So BINGUS—“ and theyd be like yeah. bingus. : )

There will be alternating pronouns in this post good luck

They’re 17. They become 8ft after the bite over the course of a month. Its very scary and it does not help that their hair turns from black to grey which just makes it even more concerning. She starts dyeing part of his hair green, and fsr the way the dye interacts w her hair is like those UV Light dyes or whatever

Their web-lines look like dna 🧬 like this

Arachnien’s version of new york is called new vegas and i think his j jonah jameson, J. Joanne Jameson, Staunchly Does Not Believe in aliens or cryptids or any of that nonsense and this is actually considered really strange by the general populace bc new vegas is a Weird Fucking Place.

Nien’s bad at hand to hand and isnt very durable, needs to rely on stealth, reflexes, intelligence, and out of the box solutions to problems. STRONG preference toward non-violent solutions. (We come in peace (this was not intentional when i decided theyre kind of a pacifist but its true and i think its a little funny))

Have you ever had sleep paralysis? Would you like to find out? (Do Not Look At Arachnien’s Eyes do not pass do not collect 200)

His family calls them duck or duckie. I dont have a name for her shhh

Arachnien’s version of kingpin runs the big casino in new vegas. Her mysterio lives in the Orb. You know the one. The famous orb.

Whenever Arachnien and Mayday are in HQ at the same time arach gets treated the same way miguel does and it scares peter so bad bc arach is 8ft tall noodle limbs so its like “ha you skyscraper! Careful with her she might get hurt if she falls haha!” “(strange sense of gravitas) i will not let that happen mr parker.” “, Okay kid calm down now”

Nien is very light on their feet. Sometimes the arachnikids ask nien to stand behind people just to scare them. Nien still has not cottoned onto the fact this is what the kids are doing when they ask him to stand behind people.

[catboy-cyrus]

I am here to ask for your kamado character rant… i love him too. Id love to hear ur thoughts on him

HELL yeah. let's go.

Okay I have a lot of opinions on his character but real quick I wanna appreciate his clothes. They're SO good. The ultimate visual reprisentation of his status and his history. Firstly: I love that his kimono (very much a Johto related item of clothing in the pokemon world) is embroidered, something that is clearly associated with Hisui. It's very neat visual shorthand for his two homes. Also, the all black fabric is a HUGE status symbol. True black dye used to be super hard to come by, and so having a whole outfit dyed that way?? Its one hell of a flex. Also it just looks cool. And its a pretty subtle mirror colour wise to Giratina. Like sure. Black, yellow, and Red, but its not super obvious like Volo's outfit. I think that's neat!

Okay. His character. I find him fascinating, and it's really sad to me that people just kind of disregard him because of the banishment. Yes, that was a poor fucking choice, but that doesn't mean he isnt an interesting complex character. In fact, quite to the contrary! It is one of the most important and interesting decisions he makes! Dislike him for it all you like, but I do think its the only decision he could've made in that situation, character wise.

So. Kamado lived happily in Johto. He had wife. Then crazed pokemon attack his village, and he watches everyone he's known die, apart from Beni. That's gonna fuck a guy up, and it does, its why he distrusts pokemon so acutley. Eventually, after travelling with Beni, he goes and establishes The Galaxy Team, and Jubilife. Now he is in charge of a village. The saftey of everyone is in his hands. And then the sky breaks in half, and pokemon start to become crazed.

Where's he seen this before?

Leading so many people is already a huge weight on his shoulders, and now there is a potentially world ending crisis going on. And your player character appears out of nowhere the very same night that the Noble pokemon the clans revere get struck from above and become frenzied. Your arrival appears to be the inciting event (and if Giratina is behind the frenzies then he may well be right, even if your character didn't summon the lightening.) You go and you fix it but then the sky turns red anyway. And there's only one person who he has associated with the frenzies and the rift amongst his ranks.

Kamado, I think, is scared. He has the lives of all of Jubilife on his shoulders, and he desperatley doesn't want whatever happened in Johto to happen again. A guy can only move on from watching a whole village levelled once, and this time it would be his fault. He needs to do something to protect his people, but this is so much bigger than him. Quite literally what else could he do? So he makes a desperate decision that I'm pretty sure not even he fully believed in. But again he had to do something and he was afraid for the village and the saftey he's created to be destroyed again. The world was literally ending!! He didn't do it to be mean to the player character! He did it because he thought he had to. Who's gonna make only correct and rational decisions while time and space are about to collapse in on themselves? Definitley not the traumatised guy who is completley committed to protecting his people.

Like yeah, it was the wrong decision. It was a bad thing to do! But in character, really, could or would he have done anything else? Does him being unpleasent to the player character make him uninteresting? There is so much to think about with him!! And he's just sidelined because people don't personally like him all that much!! Give this old man DEPTH I'm BEGGING YOU.

OH YEAH. WHY DOES NO ONE UTILISE HIS GIRATINA SYMBOLISM. THERE'S SO MUCH THAT YOU COULD DO WITH THAT. SURE, VOLO BATTLES WITH IT, BUT IN TERMS OF MAJOR CHARACTERS VOLO IS TRYING TO INVOKE ARCEUS. (and, plot wise, failing) Where's my fic about Kamado striking up a deal with Giratina or being involved in lengendary bullshit at all (the answer is that its sitting on my unfinished fic pile but. that's besides the point. it's an underutilised avenue! You could do cool shit with that!!)

[scarlet-fantasies]

Anon Requested:

Hi! I love your "shy gf" headcanons with Eren! I was thinking about sfw/nsfw about him with a girl who's a confident introvert. Like I am 😅 She can stick up for herself and isnt shy about mundane things like ordering food but when it comes to intimacy she's de@d. Literally de@d embarrassed, hard for her to believe she's not being played. How would their first time be, w Eren surprised she's a v*rgin and all? And some domestic but intimate things together she needs to warm up to? Sorry if its too much!

Hi anon, sorry this took so long this is long overdue! I hope you're still around to see this. :) If you are please enjoy!

-Scarlet

::𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬::

***words are censored to respect Tumblr guidelines

𝐹𝑙𝑢𝑓𝑓

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

𝑃𝑟𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑡

𝐼𝑛𝑏𝑜𝑥 𝑖𝑠 𝑜𝑝𝑒𝑛

𝐶𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑘 𝑡𝑜 𝑗𝑜𝑖𝑛 --> 𝑇𝑎𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

© 𝑠𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑙𝑒𝑡-𝑓𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑎𝑠𝑖𝑒𝑠 // 𝑑𝑜 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑙, 𝑟𝑒𝑢𝑠𝑒, 𝑟𝑒𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑜 𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑠𝑖𝑡𝑒𝑠. 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑤𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑑𝑒𝑎𝑠 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑙 𝑢𝑛𝑙𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑤𝑖𝑠𝑒. // 2021-𝑃𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑒𝑛𝑡.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sfw

💓Okay a lot of you know how much I talk about him liking shy girls (doesn’t mean he doesn’t like other girls) I’m just saying that he loves them bc they are cute and fun to tea$e.

💓So when he found out you were shy about pda he was stoked!

💓But also felt bad because he doesn’t want to push you into things so he may second guess himself sometimes.

💓It’s a really surprise if you didn’t come off as shy with pda too.

💓Like he’s always seen you act confident or whatever so he was like ok.

💓Even when you shared your first k!ss he might not have noticed cause he was like maybe she was just shy because it was just the first k!ss or whatever but the more and more he tried he noticed you were shy about being intimate with him.

💓Every time he held your hand you’d look away but he didn’t say too much about it.

💓He thought it was adorable tbh.

💓But if your hand got sweaty because you were extra nervous that day he had to say something.

💓“Hey, you keep this up you’re really gonna slip away.” He’d laugh, having you question.

💓“Huh?”

💓“Your hands are so sweaty, what are you so nervous about?”

💓“Uhh–I’m not nervous.” You’d defend, pulling your hand away.

💓“Oh really? My hand is covered in sweat because of you.” He’d grin, showing you his hand.

💓“They are not!”

💓“I need a towel to dry them.” He’d laugh making you blush. 

💓“Shut up! That’s not true!”

💓He also loves that you never have the courage to k!ss him bc PDA is something you just can’t do.

💓But Eren loves k!ssing so you need to get used to this.

💓And the fact that you shy away from his k!sses, he’s all for it.

💓He honestly can’t take it tbh, it’s adorable to him.

💓Of course he knows his boundaries tho.

💓But he loves teas!ng you by k!ssing you many times.

💓Like even just forehead k!sses gets you to be shy so he’s going to have too much fun.

💓One time you were face timing with Mikasa and he hadn’t come home yet and when he did he came up to you and k!ssed your cheek.

💓It was so random and it had you blushing, almost wanting to turn off your video cam atm.

💓He really likes it when he catches you off guard with a k!ss, especially if you two are doing something together and you don’t even think of that but he does.

💓Like even if you two are watching a suspenseful show he’ll give you a k!ss.

💓Overall, he doesn’t mind it that pda makes you shy even if its a little surprising.

💓He is hoping you will get used to it at some point but he’s also okay if it stays this way.

💓He doesn’t care if you can’t get used to it because its not like he can force you anyways but he finds it fun to tea$e.

💓As for getting used to the domestic things that you two do together he finds it cute that you are shy with it.

💓But he wants you to know that he likes doing things for you even if he can’t cook lol.

💓He likes driving you/picking you up from work/school.

💓And saying bye to you, yeah he doesn’t think its cringy.

💓He likes doing all these kinds of things with you.

💓I mean here’s a post about the domestic things you two do together.

Nsfw

💓He was confused at first especially because you weren’t the type to typically act that way.

💓So he was like ??

💓But that doesn’t mean he thought it was weird or bad thing he just didn’t understand why you were acting differently.

💓Of course once he finally puts two and two together then he’ll be like 😮ohh.

💓Like sure, you’ve k!ssed him and managed to get through that and whatever but s*x was another story.

💓Like thank goodness he cannot hear your heartbeat at that moment because it would be embarrassing if he knew just how nervous you are.

💓I mean yeah its already enough that he hears your moans and stuff like that, which you’re so freaking de@d embarrassed about.

💓But him realizing that you’ve never done this before just makes it worse.

💓He only really realized when it looked like you weren't sure of what to do.

💓That's where he tried to initiate things gently but seeing how you reacted, he figured he should stop in case you were unsure.

💓He figured to just sit up on the bed next you and talk.

💓He’d turn to look at you and ask kinda surprised, “So you’ve never–”

💓“Eren.” You’d say, not wanting him to finish the sentence.

💓“Sorry, I’m not judging, I’m just surprised.” 

💓“That’s judging.” You’d frown before averting your eyes.

💓“Babe, I’d never judge you.” He’d say giving you a smug grin before pulling you close to his side.

💓You’d smile a little, “Thanks.”

💓Giving you a k!ss he’d ask, “We’ll do what ever you want, so we can stop.”

💓You bit the inside of your cheek, slightly suggesting what you wanted, “But I already know what I want.”

💓Idk if its just me but I'd never be able to directly state what I want, lol.

💓 “I’ll take that invitation as a yes.” He looked at you with a sm!rk before pushing you on the bed causing you gasp.

💓Before you could say anything he had you pinned to the bed with his l!ps on yours. 

💓And you know, you could imagine the rest.

💓This post is not much different than my initial post about losing your v!rginity to him. If you want you can view that here. Don’t worry it doesn’t go in depth, I’m always brief about this subject because I know how it can be a little to much for some audiences, including myself.

@bi-effing-simp @sofijaeger @lucifugovs @xxghoulishspritexx @sp00ksic0la @keithandlevi-ontheroof @songbirdgardensworld

@bubs-world

::Previous Post::

1

[literaila]

HEYY! Idk if you’re taking requests but I literally love the way your write is… I don’t know how to explain it but the way your write love fics if like as if Romeo and Juliet had a kid and they became an author… anyways

Imagine the team goes into a case in the reader hometown (she/her) and she found out that the guys she once used to love soo much had been captured and she had been doing so much to get him out and Spencer was feeling guilty because he felt this big jealousy and insecurity. Anyways they found the guy but he was barely alive and when the reader went to go see him at the hospital, he said that he never stopped loving her and if he was going to die soon he wanted to hear the reader tell him that she still loved him and that she never stopped. And the reader feeling about him lord to him and said all those things and what she didn’t know was that Spencer heard her saying how much she loved him and how she would never stop. Spencer got jealous and left to their house before the team and started packing his bags but the reader got home in time and she explained everything to him and then there’s like fluffy ending (sorry this was long) I hope your having a good day!

the taste of acid.

spencer reid x gn!reader

a/n: okay, i changed it a little bit. as per usual. either way, I kept it mostly the same! i hope you enjoy it, all that good stuff. its so long. oh! the timeline is not linear on this one, so be cautious

*

this isnt fair is ringing in your head.

a buzzing, swirling sound.

it sounds like a million different voices, belittling you. a million different voices trying to remind you of something you’re already completely sure is true.

it sounds like a reprimand, it sounds like someone is trying to chastise you for something that is beyond your control.

this isnt fair you’re telling yourself while trying to dissipate that burning feeling from ever existing. you want the energy, you want the words, back.

you want the ability to speak, the ability to breathe, the ability to live within the confines of your walls contently, you want so much back but--

it’s a forgotten memory. it’s gone now.

you laugh, turn away from him, this isnt fair you’re thinking.

but then again, what is?

*

you’re listening to the soft pitter-patter of your shoe bouncing against the floor. realistically, it shouldn't sound this loud, but it does. you think maybe it’s a sign that something is wrong but then you tell yourself to ignore that fact.

you were the one assigned to go to the hospital. something about comforting, something about questions.

you know exactly what lies beyond those walls. you know the secrets that are pouring room them, the raindrops that never quite stop falling. it's a flood, you’re sure because everyone has secrets. you can hear the voice, a past one, reminding you.

everyone has secrets.

and no, you think, this one was never quite meant to get out. the walls should have been strong than that.

you hate hospitals, you think. you don't like the smell, you don't like sitting in them alone.

you don't like that you can taste your own very sour breath. you don't like that you can still feel your eyelids being weighed down by a dream not quite finished. you don't like that your limbs feel numb, you don't like that you’re here alone, you don't like the phone that woke you up this morning, you don't like that you never got the chance to talk to him before the two of you walked out the door-

you hate feeling this way, you hate hospitals.

you’ve already spoken to the nurse, victim's not up. you’ve already concreted an answer in your mind, the answer is no. you’ve already cried all your soiled tears, remember.

you think that this is not quite fair. you think that this might be the thing that breaks you.

you think that you might feel giddy, some other time. you think that you should be reminiscing over the past night.

you’re really just trying not to think at all.

not about the secrets, not about the questions, not about the walls or the doors or the tiny little cracks in your foundation. you’re trying not to think about his lips-

and then your name is called, he’s ready, they tell you.

and you’re walking.

you’re listening to the soft pitter-patter of your shoe against the floor, much louder than it might be. you’re listening to the pitter-patter of rain between the walls because yes, you laugh, you have many other secrets just waiting to be discovered.

one of them might soon be found, you remind yourself.

but you don't let the nerves get to you. you don't let the old feelings invade your system. you’ve got so many other things that you need to be thinking about and this, well, this doesn't seem as scary as it might’ve a day ago.

you want to laugh at the nervous person you might’ve been before last night.

there is no anticipation, there is no hesitation, there is no thought as you walk into the room.

and you’re not even scared as you say: “lucas?”

and your heart definitely doesn't jump when you see that familiar smile.

*

spencer sits behind you while you type something into your computer.

you haven't looked over to him in a couple of minutes but you can feel his presence. steady, warm, a beating heart close to yours. a reminder of life sitting in this room.

you welcome his breathing. you welcome the flipping of pages.

and you welcome any and all distractions.

"how do you spell handkerchief?" you ask, spinning in your chair to look at him.

his returning glance is dubious. "you sound focused."

you roll your eyes, sliding your chair closer to him unconsciously. your body is craving his warmth, your mind is desperately crawling away from your computer.

spencer continues, "i thought you were working on a case report?"

his words are not questions, no, just glaring reminders of your incompetence.

"i'm mentioning the handkerchief i saw lying on the floor when we left," your eyebrows raise at the exact moment his do.

spencer looks up, thinks for a moment. his lips curl around your words, his smile a wonderful distraction. you take the moment to stand up and go sit on the couch next to him.

then he looks back at you. "there was no handkerchief," he says, ignoring your nod, "and you know how to spell it."

you slip your shoes off, scratching your heel. "i think that computer is killing some of my brain cells," you pause to look up at him. "and don't say-"

"technically, the only common cause of "cell death"--neurons--is brain disease-"

"reid," you groan.

"-and blue light wouldn't cause apoptosis." spencer is staring at you. you don't notice the way his eyes trail over the shape of your face, you don't realize that these words are merely a placeholder for him, a way to get you to look away. "though," he smiles "if you're worried about brain disease i can schedule you an appointment-"

"spencer," you groan again, making him chuckle only slightly. when you realize he's completely stopped you look over. "can't you just let me be dramatic?"

spencer runs a hand through his hair, his other hand playing with the page of his book. he leans back. "hyperbole was never a strong point of mine."

you smile at him for a moment and then look away. spencer's fingers return to his book, flipping the page almost as soon as you do.

you breathe in the comforting air, the home away from home that you're in. you've loved spencer's apartment since he first invited you over.

you sigh. "wanna watch a romcom?"

spencer snorts, not bothering to look up. his voice is softer than his motion. "i really want to finish this book," he says.

and immediately, you moan, kick a foot towards him in disgust.

"you still have a report to finish," he says, flips a page, ruining the peace with nothing more than a simple gesture. "it'll only take me fifteen minutes more."

"spencer," you lean your head into the couch, groaning louder. if nothing, at least this'll get spencer to look over to you.

"i promise," he says, softly, you can hear the smile, stupid smile, and you don't move your head.

but then the silence gets a bit too loud.

in an instant, you're moving away from your place, and instead, placing yourself closer to him. close enough to bother him only slightly.

you let your eyes rest on the page he's looking at. "whatcha reading?" you ask and smile up at him, telling him your goal without the words.

he sighs your name and tilts his book away.

you place a finger on the vein on his hand, running it across his tendon. you laugh when he shivers away.

"if you're not going to watch a movie with me," you say, looking up at him some more. "least you can do is read to me."

you knew--and know--the request would at least get you an eye roll. spencer points his "really?" face towards you, giving you a moment to observe the soft color of his eyes.

it's a long enough glance to tell you that he isnt actually annoyed.

"yes, really," you say despite his non-answer. "i refuse to do any more work tonight."

"fifteen minutes," spencer sighs, teasing the word on his lips. if he was anyone else you'd say he "sing-songed" it.

"unacceptable," you whisper, moving in closer, tilting the book back towards you.

spencer, you can feel, is relenting. his hands follow yours, his eyes drift away from your face. his body is not relaxed but not necessarily uncomfortable. your warmth, you wonder, might be welcome.

spencer does not sigh again, he does not ask you to move away.

instead, he asks, "do you want me to start from the beginning?"

you look down at his hands, notice that he's already halfway through the book for the first time.

you grin, only slightly.

"no, it's okay."

spencer does not question this, and you think that maybe he understands already. you're surprised he's entertaining you at all.

you shift closer to him, molding your body into his. you can smell chocolate coming off of his sweater, you can feel him swallow from just the slightest movement. you get yourself comfortable.

spencer says nothing, merely shifts the book towards you, as if that was the reason you'd gotten closer in the first place.

you smile and stare down at the blurred words.

maybe, you're actually just staring at the shadows of his hands.

*

later, there's a streetlight reflecting off your face.

you can't remember how long spencer read to you, how long the two of you stayed up grinning at each other, laughing at words that weren't really words; you don't know how late it is.

you just remember drifting off to the quiet rasp of someone else's voice. you just remember letting yourself move even closer to him, letting yourself rest your cheek on something that definitely was not a pillow.

and now, when you wake up and it's still dark outside, now you realize that was spencer's chest.

now, you wake up because something is flinching beneath you.

you wake up because spencer is talking in his sleep. because something is going on behind his eyes.

you hazily blink yourself awake, now, and you realize almost immediately what's happening.

"spencer," you whisper, lifting the weight of your head off of him. you try to push yourself away, trying to use the couch beneath the two of you as leverage, but spencer's got one of your hands crushed between his.

"hey, spencer," you try louder, letting your breath fall against his cheek, eyes worried as they prod over his face. "c'mon, spence. it's alright, wake up."

you bring your free hand up to his face, you mold your fingers around his cheek, and rub the skin with your thumb.

even if you wanted to, shaking him awake isnt possible.

"spencer," you say one last time before his eyes fly open.

his body bends against yours and in an instant he's pulling the two of you forward, sitting up, blinking rapidly, and trying to slow the rapid heartbeat you can feel below your fingertips.

he doesn't speak, barely breathes as he moves the two of you. you think that you might be saying something--just to fill the silence--but you don't know what.

its almost as if you're waking up with him. you feel the same panic pounding in your chest.

"what?" he whispers, finally finding his voice, finally breaking the distance between the two of you.

and instead of anything else, you just ask another question. "were you having a nightmare?"

correction, the stupidest question.

you almost laugh at your own oblivion but spencer's staring at you, he's meeting your eyes when he nods.

you stay silent, staring back, carefully.

you don't think about how neither of you has moved away.

you don't think about the color of his eyes.

"are you okay?" you ask instead.

spencer, breathing more steadily now, looks away, maybe outside like you did when you woke up. "yes," he says. "yes, i-" he looks back at you, swallows. "i'm sorry, i didn't mean to wake you."

almost as if he's just noticed, he looks down at both of your bodies, about the sleepy posture you'd collected yourself into, about the close structure you've built around the two of you.

he looks up at you and then down again.

suddenly, you feel it. the heat, the burning of his body against yours. you feel your hand in his, you feel his chest against yours. you feel the shock, the palpable disdain forming between both of your bodies. you feel the fire sparking in the lack of distance.

you look at him again.

"you're okay?" you ask, again again, you're not sure what else there is to say but that's also not why you're asking this question.

spencer nods, and then he nods again.

yes, he's telling you. you can feel it, just like you can feel the burning.

yes, you think.

yes, it's enough, you know.

you've only just noticed how close the two of you are, you've only now just noticed this close proximity, you've only just realized that your face is right above his, that you're breathing and you can feel him breathing-

he nudges his nose against yours. just barely, just enough to be felt.

and when your bodies, when your eyes, when your smiles and your secrets and the burning, when your bodies crash together.

so do your lips.

and spencer is pulling you back down with him, he's telling you yes, he's accepting the falling of the two of you and he's kissing you back, he's begging you for more more more.

you don't complain.

you can barely feel anything except the pounding, burning, screaming against the two of you.

you've never been kissed like this, you've never needed more words to describe such a thing, you've never had to burn yourself raw to feel something this pleasurable.

you've never kissed anyone like this before, and you think, yes.

more, more, more.

that night, against the fluttering of a flaming heart, you fall asleep for the second time.

kissing the burning lips of spencer reid.

*

it wasn't the first step in the room that made you nervous. or even the second.

it wasn't the hospital--damn, hospital--that was making the anxiety rattle itself against your bones.

it was not the secrets.

and no, it wasn't the room.

walking in the room was not a threat; it did not scare you in the slightest.

but the memories--screaming, pounding, burning memories that send an arrow shooting through your heart again and again--that flashed, the smile repeating itself a million times. lucas, sitting in front of you, smiling.

well, admittedly, that made you a bit nervous.

and it wasn't just because he'd almost been killed. it wasn't just because you were here on a job, it wasn't just because you were here supposed to be prodding an old friend for answers about a murderer running wild.

it wasn't really about that at all. you were desensitized to the thought, which felt wrong.

it was more the familiar ache, one you'd been trying not to think about.

you shook it off. the memories, the secrets pounding against the wall like a child throwing a tantrum--let me out let me out--the nervousness, the memories, the pent-up feelings piled in your heart.

tried to smile instead of wince.

lucas gestured toward a chair by the hospital bed, his face familiar, wrinkled, slightly sickly, but the same as it had been when you'd last seen him.

"how are you?" you asked first, filling the scrutinizing silence. this was a moment you had to speak. "are you doing okay?"

it was a ridiculous question. it was considerate but wrong. this was uncomfortable but welcome.

it felt off.

"i've been better," there was a laugh, an echo in your head. "though, they're pumping me with pain killers, so, i've also been worse."

you tried to laugh but it felt wrong, off. instead, you stared at the heart monitor, trying to remember some fact that you'd heard weeks ago. trying not to remind yourself what came with hospitals, what happened the last time you were in one, what happened this morning, what happened years ago and-

you stared at the monitor, expecting a change.

lucas spoke again, eyes following yours. "you're fbi now?" he asked but didn't ask. "when we were kids you wanted nothing more than to become a botanist and raise a plant army."

your eyes, finally awake, broke away from their gaze. you looked over to lucas, a sudden fondness making its way to your heart.

this was comfortable, you thought, not just because of who he was. you could make this comfortable, you thought, and not just because you were supposed to.

it wasn't hard to speak back. "it turns out that's 'unrealistic,'" you made a show of rolling your eyes. "but i did focus on toxicology in school," you smiled at him, remembering the situation. "not as fun, but it pays enough."

lucas laughed, sitting further up on the bed. while you could pretend, you couldn't ignore his pounding eyes on you, trying to memorize the new lines of age on your face. "yeah?" he asked, smiling drifting for a mere second. "you look good--grown--" he added hesitantly. "still got smile lines despite, i assume, the work gloom."

you bite the inside of your cheek. "thanks. i would say the same, but..."

lucas sighed, a sudden fog clearing over his eyes.

yes, of course, you remember, you curse. of course, this wasn't about memories, this isnt about secrets, no feelings, no emotion.

you stop smiling, collect your face into a statue once familiar to you.

you don't think much about anything else.

"how much do you remember?" you run over the facts in your head while lucas ponders your question. you're not sure how much help he'll be, but it's clear enough now that you can't leave this hospital room empty-handed.

you've been distracted enough today. you don't want the pounding question to follow you all the back home.

you don't want to get too lost.

"it's all a bit of a blur. i got home and then..." he sighs, smiles at you apologetically.

the last time you saw that smile, you were a teenager, getting your heart massacred for the first time.

you move forward.

hotch thought that your history with lucas made you the best person to talk to him but you know that your memories are trying to kill every rational question you need to ask.

and if you pushed back against your breath for a moment, you might feel that familiar longing. rotted from the years you'd shoved it away.

you shake your head. throw the memories far away.

"memory loss is not uncommon for traumatic events--your brain is trying to protect itself by keeping all the memories hidden from you," you pause, gauge his reaction. he looks stiff, shaken from something he probably doesn't recognize. "i'd like to run a cognitive interview to help you remember. any small details might provide some insight in our investigation."

you do not stare, do not blink at him as you say this. you think that maybe you're trying to imagine him as someone else.

"cognitive interview?"

you push your chair further away from him, look at the clock above his head.

"it just means i'm going to ask you sensory questions--not necessarily specific to the man that attacked you--to see if anything important pops up."

lucas nods.

"this process can be triggering, lucas. you have every right to say no, i don't want you to push yourself too soon."

lucas smiles at you, there's something different. "but, it'll help you?" he asks, he's leaning towards you unconsciously, he's reminding you of something you can't quite recall.

"yes," you answer, hesitantly. "it might strengthen our investigation."

you can feel it then, both of your emotions, bouncing off of each other. you're different wavelengths, floating with each other.

you hear the secrets banging on the walls.

pitter-patter, they seem to say. let me out, they seem to beg.

and lucas' eyes when he answers "okay" remind you of something else. they seem much more familiar than his smile. much more familiar than they did just a moment ago.

and when you respond "okay" back, well, you think you might be letting that longing poison your system.

you start asking him questions without an ounce of hesitation.

*

"are you okay?" you're asking as soon as you've decided to stop asking questions.

lucas has gone stiff, his eyes are rapidly blinking, trying to erase a memory from his brain once again. he'd begun shaking five minutes ago and you hadn't thought to stop then.

you feel guilty now, for making him feel this way.

you're sure he'd tell you that it wasn't your fault.

you try to smile at him, try to speak without speaking.

it doesn't quite work the same as you're used to. there's a voice pounding in your head.

"do you need anything? can i get you some water?" you look towards the heart monitor, wish you had noticed it spiking minutes ago.

but lucas, he shakes his head, breathes a shaky breath out, and stares at you.

like he's trying to ground himself.

"did any of that help?" he asks and it sounds more like did i go through all of that for nothing?

you pause to take a breath in, try to comfort him by breathing slowly. you're trying to let him catch his breath but it doesn't seem to be working.

you don't know how to comfort him through this.

"yes," you promise. "yes, but i almost wish i hadn't done it."

he swallows. his eyes pour over you, looking for a distraction. "why?"

you smile, hesitantly. you're not sure if this is the right thing to say, but at least, you think, at least it's something.

you don't think you can handle any more silence today.

"because i hate seeing you..." you pause, begging your tongue for the right word. "hurt like this."

those words seem to get you the first genuine smile from him since you started asking questions.

you note how his breathing has slowed in the last minute, look towards the clock for only a mere second.

you don't tell yourself that it's an excuse to keep that feeling from crawling up your throat.

memories, you think, are something you'd like to avoid. you've thrown away that key.

"y/n," lucas says, eyes shifting from terror to something you might've once let yourself see. "you should know that i don't mind feeling like this" he pauses again, seeming to look for your reaction now. you keep your face still as stone. "because it's been far too long since i've seen you,"

"lucas-"

"and i'll take whatever i can get."

you swallow a lie, force your body to move backward. you've done this once before, with him, a long time ago.

"you're basically just telling me that you're a masochist," it's a tease, a quip not quite real.

a sentence filling the void of something else you might've wanted to say.

lucas, though, laughs. "no," he says, smiling at you now, reminding you of a teenager. "i'm telling you that i've missed you. and that i apologize for the things i said to you before you left-"

you glare now, body reacting differently to these words than it should. "lucas, you don't need-"

"i would like to make it up to you," he says, interrupting your thought process. "i would like another chance-"

but then, before your heart can fall back into place, before lucas can finish his sentence, before you can feel anything but the emotions you'd absorbed from the man sitting in front of you, before anything else can happen

the door opens.

and you're reminded, again and again, what secrets are still stuck between the walls. pitter-patter, they taunt.

your heart crashes against the floor once more, stinging with the stinge of a brand.

spencer's eyes are wide, you can see a cloud of something else on his face.

his face is silence, filling the walls of a crowded plane.

there's a burning sensation in your mouth, something unwanted.

you wonder just how much of that he heard, but of course, spencer's face leaves everything to be questioned.

"spencer," you breathe out, stepping back from lucas, letting your face fall to stone once again. "this is lucas williams, he was at the second house and he was an old friend back in-"

"i know," spencer says, looking right past you to the man who has no idea what's happening here.

then his eyes shift back to you, observing your face for a moment. you wonder if that means anything, if it means what you want it to mean. you wonder if he’s checking to see if you’re okay.

you wonder if he knows who this really is, if he really does remember everything, if he remembers what you've told him.

you wonder if that's why he hasn't introduced himself yet.

you feel your heart fill with ash. you want to scream, throw yourself away from this feeling.

"lucas, this is dr. spencer reid," you pause, the words stuck in your throat. "my co-worker."

"hi," lucas says.

no one says anything for a moment, the familiar two men in the room staring at each other like they're undiscovered species, and you, trying to figure out how the hell to feel anything right now.

you'd almost forgotten about this morning, for just a moment.

similarly to how you'd forgotten to brush your teeth.

you want to laugh, but your voice is locked in a cage of knives. you try and clear your throat.

remind yourself of the fairness of this situation. there is none.

you smile, now, sarcastically. "well, lucas, i think i've got everything i need," you stare at him, trying to make your smile seem more genuine. his eyes shift when he looks at you.

you actually clear your throat this time.

"you've been a big help, the fbi appreciates your cooperation" you lower your voice then, completely aware of the other person in the room. "and so do i."

someone clears his throat behind you.

"of course, y/n," lucas says. "anything you need."

there's a double meaning behind those words that you dont bother to think about.

you pick up your bag then, pick up the file you'd taken with you, pick up those pieces of yourself from off the floor and try to figure out anything that there might be left to say.

your brain is quiet. silence, irritating you like nothing else.

spencer gestures towards the door when you look up at him, a stern face, the familiar one, telling you it's time to go.

you cant tell if you're imagining his hard composure.

you begin to walk out the door, taking the lead, when lucas speaks from behind the two of you.

"y/n, if you get a chance," he says, casually, softer than before, reminding you of something else. "i'd love to get coffee sometime."

spencer's head jerks, but you say planted in front of him.

"okay," you say.

and then you leave.

*

the taste in your mouth is not your own.

the phone ringing is not yours.

the two of you move up, once so close, once so collected into a tiny cocoon, once so peaceful in the middle of the night.

now you're climbing off of spencer.

now he's sliding away from you, grabbing his phone before you get the chance to say anything. he's ignoring the gentle smile you try to send his way.

"jj?" he asks, voice rough from sleep, lips puffy from you.

you're staring at him, trying to collect your thoughts but all you can think about is the tingling still on your lips, you can see yourself, you can see him, you can see the two of you, kissing, right in front of your eyes and you have no idea what to think.

well, you do, of course, you do, you really do, but-

you must've missed the rest of the conversation because spencer is pulling the phone away from his ear, avoiding eye contact with you.

the memories are not flashing behind his eyes.

when your phone begins to ring, next, you swallow, already knowing who it is.

"you didn't tell her i was with you?" you ask him, grabbing your phone from the floor, moving closer to him.

you realize your mistake a second later. move back before spencer can flinch away from you.

"no," is all he responds, and then he flys off the couch, turning towards the kitchen before your eyes can begin to follow.

the distance feels immeasurable., it feels like it's creeping up onto you, cuddling you like an old friend.

you swallow the rotted taste in your mouth.

"hello?" you say into the phone, listening to the calming voice that is jj's while you try to listen for spencer. your heart is racing, fluttering against the worry bubbling up in your stomach. "yeah, yes," you say when she finishes. "uh-huh, i'll be there. just..."

she hangs up, you must've missed the last thing she said.

you shake your head.

you've felt the difference in the air since you woke up. the drastic change from then to now and the cool air that flooded between the two of you as soon as spencer's phone started ringing.

you were frozen for a moment, not realizing that spencer was already moving.

and then and then.

your heart pounds against your chest. you think there must be something missing.

"spencer?" you call, hating yourself for the silence, hating yourself for not remembering if he said anything before the two of you fell asleep. hating the two of you for falling asleep in the first place.

he walks into the room in an instant, almost as if he'd been standing by the door. "yes?" he asks, looking at you will dull, concerned eyes.

they're saying nothing to you.

you bite your lip, run a hand over your forehead, forge the silence for words because you're sure that you have to say something before you throw up.

before you remember if spencer kissed you back or not.

"are you okay?" you ask, and it's such a wrong thing to say, you can tell, but it's the only thing you can manage to get out.

you can't just ask a person do you remember kissing me, and did you like it the way i did?

you can't just blurt out words like they mean nothing.

"no, yeah, i'm-" spencer stumbles further into the room, his words are rushed, his hands are almost frantic. "i'm fine, i'm just-" he stops.

stares at you.

it feels still, frozen, dull. his eyes are not colorful, they are numb.

his lips are shaking, words failing.

you stare back, not sure what to do about this.

you can both feel the tension, you're sure, you know that it's why spencer is acting so frightened, so nervous. you know why it feels so weird.

and yet you can't get yourself to say it before he does.

"i'm sorry," he starts, taking a step forward and then back. "i shouldn't have done that, last night," he swallows, looks you in the eye just once more. "it wasn't fair to you."

your brows furrow as you watch him.

"oh," you say, you stumble, can't comprehend, you fall off the cliff that he's led you to. you smile. "i'm- i'm not mad, just, um."

um, um, um.

huh, you think, you seem to have forgotten how to talk to him.

"you seemed worried, is all, and i..." you're staring at him, he's looking right past you. "i'm not mad."

"okay," he says and moves away. "okay," he says and then he gestures towards the doorway, towards your phone. you cant keep up. "we have to get ready--there's a case."

he says it as if you didn't already know.

"there's an extra toothbrush in the bathroom."

he walks away, a door shuts.

a door slams against your heart, a pounding, burning feeling makes its way up to your chest and it's, it's just not, the same.

this is not pleasant in any sense of the word. this does not feel like, yes, more more more.

this feels like crumbling, crashing against the floor, and not bothering to pick up the pieces.

you want to laugh, you want to shove the reality in your own face and ridicule yourself for being so stupid-

you walk to the bathroom, shut the door behind you with a wince.

it's the first time the tears spring to your eyes, try to poke and prod at your heart. its the first time you've kissed spencer, and ha, it's the last, you think.

you hadn't realized just how much you'd wanted to do that. until, until you did and it was a burning, stinging feeling.

you stand in the bathroom.

you don't use the extra toothbrush.

you don't brush away this taste that isnt yours.

*

spencer meets you at the door. his face looks sullen behind his smile, but, you think, you're probably making that up.

you've been making things up recently.

"ready?" you ask, sliding on your shoes, breaking silence like you'd break glass.

delicately.

spencer nods, watching your feet. he does not look up, you do not expect him to.

you feel anxious, nervous bubbles floating up towards your throat and you can tell that spencer is avoiding the subject because that's the completely rational thing to do, but-

"you were having a nightmare, right?" you say, ignoring the carefully enacted oblivion.

you cannot live in bliss all day.

spencers head jumps, not exactly meeting your eyes but looking at your face. he'd done the same thing last night, trying to uncover a secret you were no longer trying to keep.

not that you kept it well in the first place. maybe that's why he was so uncomfortable.

"yes," spencer says, nodding.

"is that why you kissed me?" the words fly out of your mouth without warning, they bounce against the walls and hit you directly in the face.

you can feel the socks being shoved down your throat, you can feel the silence you've carved out and you only just now realize that you're being an idiot, that you need to move on, that you should just leave-

spencer clears his throat.

"it was-" he seems to think for a moment, brows contorting as he contemplates an answer you can't see. "it was about-"

and the moment his eyes drop, you understand.

you can see the unspoken words on his lips before he even says them. it is excruciating pain, it is hell and you are the devil, it is hell and he is pushing you against the firey walls.

"it was about maeve." he closes his eyes tightly, shakes his head like he's trying to push a memory away. "i messed up," his voice falters, falls against the floor. "i didn't mean to use you like that-"

"spencer," your mouth tastes horrible, the memories flashing are like nightmares creeping up on you.

cruel repeats of something you didn't even realize.

"really, i was trying to ground myself to you and in the moment i didn't realize that i was-"

"hey-"

"-crossing a boundary. it was a mistake, i shouldn't have kissed you."

you stop trying to speak, the words dissipate in your throat. they burn up with the rest of the oxygen in the room.

you play his voice over in your head.

"i'm sorry," he says, finally, looking you in the eye.

you nod because you can't feel at all. you cant feel your bone, or your muscles, or your flinching heart, your burning ash-filled heart, your failing lungs, your crippling will.

you don't feel anything.

you just nod.

"okay," you finally say when the air comes back.

you don't say it's okay. you don't respond to his apology, you don't look at him, you don't breathe.

you don't say it's okay because it was a mistake.

*

spencer and you walk through the halls silently, two people, obviously not walking together.

your footsteps are not in sync, you are two separate organisms, living in a world where nothing matters.

you listen to the tap tap tapping of his shoes against the tile floors.

you hate hospitals, you think.

"did he remember anything?" spencer asks, checking his watch, not looking at you.

you know he's not really asking.

"he gave a description of the unsub, not unlike what we've already heard, but..."

the words feel empty in your mouth.

spencer is opening doors for you, letting you lead the way, letting you walk away from him if you wanted, but he knows, but you know, that this is not normal.

the two of you are out of sync, that much is obvious.

and you're not sure if you want to fall back into place. you're not sure if you can forgive spencer for letting you think, for just a moment, that things might-

you breathe in, don't look at him. he opens another door for you.

"do you think he'd be willing to talk to a sketch artist?"

you let your eyes flick over to him for just one irritated moment. you breathe another breath of air and count the moments before you know he might look at you.

he doesn't.

"i think," you say, much more carefully than you intend. "that he's been through enough for one day. we should see what jj and rossi have before we ask him for anything else." your words are tense.

"if we can get a sketch out to the public it might-"

"did you finish at the crime scene? is that why you came to get me?" you change the subject without a moments hesitation.

spencer pauses. you don't have to look over to see that he's confused with your actions.

"no," he says. "i volunteered to come. i thought," he stops, you see his arm move to run a hand through his hair.

you've finally reached the exit, spencer holds the door open for you once more.

you watch his eyes this time, on accident, you stare at him as you push past the doors.

"you thought what?" you ask as soon as he's outside with you.

"i thought you might want some help interrogating him," he says, softly, as if there was a secret you weren't aware of.

let me out let me out, they beg. you roll your eyes at the taunt.

your brows furrow as the two of you begin walking towards the parking lot. a pang echoing in your chest. "you didn't think i could run a cognitive?" you ask, skeptically, not completely erasing the offensive from your tone. your feet hit the blacktop in perfect rhythm.

spencer's eyes widen, you know that much. "no," he emphasizes the word, takes a moment before he swallows, points you towards the car with a gesture. "i remember what you told me about him. and i just.."

he moves to the opposite side of the car and you stand there looking at him.

when he looks up you raise an eyebrow at him.

"what?" you ask, voice hard. you don't know why you're acting like this, but something in your head tells you not to stop.

spencer's eyes, though, only get softer. like he knows something you don't.

"well, the last time you saw him-"

you stop him before he can start. you suddenly regret telling him anything about lucas.

"don't, spencer."

you open your door, sliding into the car without passing him another glance.

"i just thought it might be easier for you if you had someone there. i didn't want you to be alone."

you quirk an eyebrow, not turning towards him.

"lucas was nothing but pleasant."

spencer, despite his soft eyes, besides his consideration, besides every other characteristic that fills his body, he scoffs.

you can feel the sudden shift in his attitude as he puts the car into drive.

"he apologized," you add as if to prove your point more. as if you had something to prove, as if as if. you are trying to keep your body from locking up, trying to keep yourself from blurting something, trying to avoid the impending doom.

"well, telling someone that 'you were just pretending to love them'-" spencer's voice is hard. his movements are fast, reckless indicators of unrecognizable anger.

you stop thinking.

"-might be a cause for guilt,"

you repeat the word mistake in your head until it isnt a word, you count how many times spencer breathes in, you count until the silence is gone.

you hate silence.

"that's not what happened," you whisper as if he was oblivious. as if he was wrong. as if spencer reid was ever wrong.

your voice feels weak, dull, as you breathe in and out.

your head is pounding, and it's not just because of what spencer said. you know that.

you both know why you're acting like this.

"okay," spencer says, making a left turn.

you can feel the taste in your mouth, burning the reality into your skin. you just should've brushed your teeth.

"sorry," spencer whispers back.

he knows why you're acting like this, he knows something you do not, and it's killing you.

"okay," you say.

the silence turns your skin into ash. you dont dare think about any of it.

*

its been maybe five minutes since you've looked at spencer. you know because you've been counting.

you allow yourself a look for every ten minutes that goes by.

you made that rule yesterday, after you got out of the car, after you decided that you were just going to put everything back into place.

friendship, yes please, you think. everything is fine, you promise.

and you only have five more minutes until you look at him.

you're not mad anymore, you don't think, but then again, you've been trying to avoid the subject. you went to bed thinking about toxicology because that seemed relatively normal.

and when the case ended, there was no need to think at all.

at least, that's what you're telling yourself, you promise.

the rest of the team is still packing up, the plane leaves in thirty minutes and you still haven't found the opportunity to tell any of them.

you decided this morning when you brushed your teeth.

you decided to stay, to let yourself feel those feelings, to ignore every other thing because it seemed so much less painful than the alternative-

"hey," derek says. "you're ready, already?"

you look behind you, at the desk, you still haven't packed up. you figured you'd have time. you figured that it would be easier if there was more than one reason to stay.

you don't look at spencer even though you want to.

you merely smile at derek, pointing down to the file you're writing in.

its a non-answer.

you're biding your time.

you think maybe its because you know what you're doing is wrong, because avoidance isnt the answer, because of lots of things.

it doesnt matter to you. you continue counting.

you only get the chance to look at spencer twice more when everyone is finally ready, when it's finally time to let them know, when it's time to move on, to forget something you desperately want to remember.

you're trying not to think about it.

"you don't have your stuff?" spencer asks when he walks by, bag in hand. he's ready, you're ready.

everyone else stops to look at you.

"no, i'm-" you swallow, smile at spencer, who you're not supposed to be looking at. "i've decided to stay for a couple of days."

spencer's eyes are on you but you look over to hotch.

"i hope it's okay," you say, because what else is there to say? what words do you have left?

he nods at you, smiling without smiling. you nod back. ready, you think.

spencer is still staring at you. "because of lucas?" his voice is low, trying to keep secret what you've already decided to reveal. trying to make you hate this just a little bit more.

it's a cruel action.

you smile at him, a grin that feels completely fake. "i figure he could use a friend for the next couple of days. i owe him that, at least."

everyone else is moving forward, letting go.

but this feeling, spencer standing barely a foot away from you, feels familiar.

hot, like heat.

"you're okay?" spencer asks, looking like he'd much rather be asking something else. his eyes are changing colors, different than you remember them. you vaguely feel like this has already happened.

you nod instead of answering, telling him yes without the words.

you don't see the way his eyes pass over your face, trying to memorize what he already knows. you don't see that he's trying to look for something.

you don't notice his fists clenched at his side.

"you'll call if you need anything?"

you almost smile. "what if i need you to read me to sleep?" you ask, you taunt, you feel the words slip before you can stop them.

it's the wrong thing to say, but spencer smiles a bitter smile anyway.

spencer says "lucas can probably do that."

you feel your heart jump, you feel the banging on the walls, you feel yourself thinking this isnt fair you feel him saying this was a mistake.

a buzzing, swirling sound.

it sounds like a million different voices, belittling you. a million different voices trying to remind you of something you’re already completely sure is true. it sounds like a reprimand, it sounds like someone is trying to chastise you for something that is beyond your control.

you feel his lips like a memory, like a dream you'd cultivated into reality, like a bad taste in your mouth.

and then you nod again. "yeah, probably," you say, hesitantly, because you don't want to make this awkward again because you'd already decided to move on-

ready, you think.

try to dissipate that burning feeling from ever existing.

it’s a forgotten memory. it’s gone now.

"have fun," spencer says, and it's a bland wish, it's a fake "get well" card he's handed to you. its an insult that you can't contemplate.

"okay," you say as he walks away, and you realize that you stopped counting, that you'd been staring at him this whole time.

you suddenly feel a pulling on your throat, something pulling you down. something in your throat, pulling the words and the feelings down with you, trying to make all of it disappear.

you want the energy, you want the words, back.

you want the ability to speak, the ability to breathe, the ability to live within the confines of your walls contently, you want so much back but--

you laugh, turn away from him. you're not supposed to watch this part. you're not supposed to be doing this anymore.

it hasn't been ten minutes yet, you tell yourself, beg, beg beg.

more more more, a voice says.

you turn back, just in time, just to watch, just to see.

his figure disappears.

this isnt fair you’re thinking.

you suddenly realize there's a bitter taste in your mouth.

*

my masterlist here.

[thesunicarusfellfor]

Hello!! Do you think you could do a part 2 of my request? An maybe a lil bit of angst with fluff where the reader comes to the mansion crying because someone hurt them?( Maybe techno or dream? Possibly jack manifold? 👀) Hopefully that's ok I just love the way you write it's so good plus it makes my day whever I read :D hopefully your day or evening is going good

<3

imhereforfan-fic : Omg can you do another yandere tubbo x reader x yandere ranboo romantic relationship please? Maybe where they get kidnapped by the dream team? Oh and adding on to my request can it also have some cuddling towards the end haha I’m touch starved and crap lol but can it a full length fic Okay okay okay. So. I'm so damn happy people loved this fic and I got two requests that I can easily add together. I hope neither of you minds too much having your requests mixed together ^^ I deadass wanna cry from how many positive reviews I've received from Too Sweet. ALSO. I'm a little wary of making romantic fics for characters Ranboo and Tubbo so I'm gonna play with the platonic marriage, just making it really fluffy and affectionate. PS: THIS ISNT AS FLUFFY AS I WANTED IT TO BE SOOOO OOOOPS. AAAAND. TOMMY ONLY TOOK ONE OF DREAM'S LIVES IN THE FINAL DISC WAR

LIKELY TO HAVE MANY ERRORS DUE TO BAD WIFI AND LACK OF SLEEP TW: Knives (+injuries that come from knives), kidnapping, taking of canon lives, Dream being power-hungry, minor panic attack, referenced strangulation.

Part One

Too Sweet (For This World) Yandere!C!Ranboo x F!Reader x Yandere!C!Tubbo Part 2

A few months had passed since you had moved into the mansion and some... How ended up involved in Ranboo and Tubbo's marriage, as well as being Michael's mother. At first, you were quite unsure about being a wife or a mother, but you saw how happy you had made the three boys and realized how happy they made you in return. In the beginning, neither of them wanted you leaving the mansion much without either of them, but then Ranboo started to notice small and minor declines in your physical and mental health. This caused him to panic and study your symptoms for a few days straight, to the point where you didn't see him once and you were genuinely scared he had lost his canon lives to the point where you kept checking your right wrist constantly for the message confirming Ranboo's death. But thankfully you never got it. When he had figured out what was causing your health to be less than absolutely perfect, he had spoken to Tubbo about letting you out of your room more often and getting you the sunlight you needed. It took a little bit to convince him, but once the goat hybrid learned that you could, or even would, become a lot sicker, he decided to allow you to go outside without them, as long as you stayed within Snowchester. You met a man the first few days you were out, who wore white glasses with blue and red lenses, and a headset with a mic, although he ran away from you the second you introduced yourself as Ranboo and Tubbo's (platonic) wife. Foolish had quickly become your friend around the same time though, which caused Tubbo and Ranboo to be a little unsure because of how he made you laugh and smile, but they noticed how you always kept him at arm's length with friendship and almost physically. Sure you didn't mind too much when he gave you a friendly side hug or pat on the head etc, but you were never really the one to initiate the contact unless you had to. Thankfully he didn't mind your awkwardness around strangers, trust issues, or lack of social exposure, so Ranboo and Tubbo didn't have to threaten a literal god. After saying goodbye to Michael for the day and putting him down for his nap, you got dressed into something more appropriate for travelling the snowy lands that Tubbo owned. Ranboo had to go to a Syndicate meeting, and Tubbo was working more on some buildings around Snowchester, saying something about prepping things to attack Dream who apparently escaped from prison? Not sure could've been rumoured or could be true? You had no clue honestly. You trusted Ranboo and Tubbo to protect you. The crackling of a few pine branches caused you to lift your eyes from the icy water below to turn your head. Walking out of the bushes were three men and one woman, pushing their way through the branches decorated with freshly fallen snow. One of the men was your crown-wearing platonic husband, although dressed up in an outfit you had never seen before, although not too far off from his normal get-up. Ranboo had a long black cape with golden edges and a high collar, held up together by a golden chain. His vest was now a deep royal purple with an eye of ender pin clasped on his tie, and his pants were half purple half black with golden designs sewn in. Beside him was a short female with shoulder-length pink hair and nicely done dark purple and black makeup. Her outfit consisted of a thick and warm lavender sweater with dark purple pants. On her hip was an enchanted netherite sword with a diamond-encrusted handle. You were quick to recognize her as Niki Nihachu, the baker who had lived in L'Manberg, but you hadn't heard much of her since the Pogtopia war. Off to the side, was a man you recognized easily as you had only seen him a few days ago when Ranboo invited him to see Michael, Philza Minecraft. His outfit wasn't too different from what he used to wear when he was a resident in the country, except for the black and gold cape and a black mask covering the bottom of his face. Then... The sight of the final male was the one to make you visibly react. A tall and buff male with a golden encrusted netherite

chest plate and a velvet red cape with gold accents as well. There was a rather majestic crown on top of his long braided pink hair and his dark eyes were narrowed behind a set of cracked glasses... His gaze pointing directly at you. Technoblade. Giving a shaky gasp, you stood up from your spot on the edge of the dock and turned to face the visitors. "Where's Tubbo," Techno growled softly, watching as you visibly trembled under his gaze. "Techno, mate. You're scarin' the hell outta her." Phil put his hand on his middle son's shoulder before stepping in front of him, blocking him from your gaze. "Hey, (Y/n), can you tell us where Tubbo is? We just have to ask him some things." "I'm here." An almost unfamiliar voice came from beside you before a hand was placed on your shoulder. When you looked over, you saw the goat hybrid with the coldest look you had seen him wear yet. "(Y/n), please, head into the mansion." Without another glance at the piglin hybrid, you quickly scurried towards the wooden mansion, faintly hearing the worried buzzing noises of your enderman husband in the distance before you slammed the large door shut. You almost ran towards your's or Michael's room in the basement, but then realized if any of them saw you heading down there, Michael's safety could be compromised. So, you quietly sat down in the living room and curled up on the couch, trying to keep your breathing stable as you fought to keep your mind off of the fact that the man who had almost killed you was standing a few feet outside the door of your home. You pinched your eyes shut and wrapped your arms around yourself, trying your best to simulate the hugs you would usually receive from your platonic husbands after a nightmare or a panic attack. ".../n)." "../n)!" "...(Y/n)!" With a terrified gasp, you flung your arms above your head to shield yourself from any oncoming attacker but only felt a gentle touch on your knee. It took a few seconds to muster up your courage, but you slowly brought your arms down and opened your eyes to come face to face with Tubbo, who immediately sat beside you and wrapped his arms around your shaking frame. After an hour or so with your face buried into Tubbo's shoulder, you felt another pair of arms wrap around you, causing you to look up and see Ranboo burying his face into your hair, "I'm so sorry... So sorry... I didn't think they would come to Snowchester..." You murmured a small, "it's okay," to him as you sat up a bit to return the hug for a few moments. Tubbo got up, murmuring something about going to get you a snack and a glass of water, knowing you must've been hungry or thirsty from panicking. After a few moments, Ranboo let go of you and briefly explained that Phil had given him some potions to help Michael adapt to the overworld, and he needed to give them to him. He rested his forehead against yours affectionately for a few seconds before turning towards the bookshelf and walking down the set of hidden stairs after opening the secret door. Once he shut it, you shuddered and rubbed your arms to get rid of the cold chill that had suddenly washed over you. Frowning slightly, you looked around for the source of the sudden cold, only to freeze as you saw the door cracked open, allowing the snow and cold wind to slip in. Ranboo wouldn't have left the door open... "Sorry kid." A deep and growly voice came from behind you, causing you to spin around and come face to face with Technoblade. The tall tusked male watched your expression go from confusion to horror in less than seconds, "It's nothing personal. Really. I just got a favour to pay off." A scream of terror escaped your lips before everything went black. "Hey, Michael!" Ranboo crouched down to greet the small zombie piglin child as he held a few potions of varying colours in his long arms, he set them and a thermos filled with a hot drink down on the table. "I got some new drinks for you to try today! Philza made them a little extra sweeter than last time." The small child squealed and made small tippy tap noises with his

hooves against the quartz flooring before he sat on the chair. He watched as his tall father sorted through the bottles carefully before uncorking one of the light red ones. Before he could pick up the small pipette, there was an almost unearthly shriek that came from the top of the stairs. "(Y/n)!" Ranboo screamed, unintentionally startling Michael, but that wasn't his main concern as he sprinted out the door then teleporting up the stairs and pushing the bookshelf door with his sword drawn and gleaming with enchantments. In his peripheral vision, he saw Tubbo dash out of the kitchen with his axe drawn and bloodlust in his eyes. Glancing around, the only thing the two men spotted was moonlight and snow spilling through the open door. Tubbo ran out without a second thought and screamed your name at the top of his lungs as he spun around, searching for any sort of sign that would give away your location. Ranboo decided to start looking around the mansion, even though part of him grasped that you wouldn't have screamed without reason. "She's gone..." Tubbo whispered, standing in the doorway, the moonlight creating a dark shadow over his wide eyes. "Footprints are leading to and away from the house, but they disappear on the docks..." Ranboo stayed still, a violent growling noise bubbling up in his throat before escaping past his lips as both his eyes turned purple. He threw his head back and took a breath to scream all his anger out, but froze upon hearing sad whimpering. He turned his head and saw Michael standing at the top of the hidden stairs, whimpering and shaking quite violently. There was part of Ranboo that refused to move, but his brain seemed to flick onto autopilot as he walked over to the child and picked him up. "Sorry... Michael... Something happened..." "Mama?" "...Mama... Won't be home for a while..." "Wake up!" A voice growled before something sharply came in contact with your cheek, shaking you awake. Your eyes shot open and came into contact with... A smiley face? "Aha... Sleeping Beauty graces us with her gaze. It's about damn time." A harsh grip landed on your jaw, making you realize there was a dull throbbing pain in your head. "Huh... Dre... Dream..?" You whispered, barely recognizing the white mask that helped destroy your home and turn it into nothing but a crater. "W-What?" His mask was lifted up enough to the point where you could see his mouth curved up into a sadistic smile. "You, my darling pawn, are just the piece I needed to make life easier for me... I just need to raise the stakes enough for them to be... Well... Stakes. I'm sure you understand." You went to move your hand to slap the gloved hand away from your face, only to give a small whine of pain as you felt a tight pinching on your wrists, making you realize that they were shackled together and likely chained to a wall. "What are you talking about you psychop- Ah!" He tightened his grip on your face to the point where you knew there would eventually be dark bruising. "I don't think you're in a position to be calling the king any names, pawn." Screams and shrieks of pain bounced off of the blank stone walls as the two people standing outside of the door put their heads down with their eyes closed. "You still sure he's doing the right thing, George? Are you still sure... He's the good guy in this story?" "You know better than to question him, Nick." "Don't call me that."

(Y/n) (L/n) was slain by Dream using Nightmare. Life: 2/3 (Y/n) (L/n) suffocated while trying to fend off Dream. Life: 1/3

"He just took two of an innocent woman's three lives. Just to use her as a hostage to make Tubbo hand over the nukes and to force Ranboo to follow his orders... He's a stranger, George. This isn't Dream anymore... Don't be stupid." Sapnap lowered his right arm that he read the messages off of and looked in the direction of his former best friend. The screams of agony were almost haunting as they echoed through Snowchester as silence fell down upon the entire Dream SMP. Shock slipped through the veins of everyone who read the message that appeared on their right wrists. - "I'm gonna kill him..." "I'm going to activate the nukes..." - "Techno... What did you do." "I owed him a favour. What he does after that is none of my business." - "...Isn't that Tubbo and Ranboo's wife?" "Yeah... She was my friend..." - "Tubbo's definitely not happy about this..." - "Ah... Atta girl..." Dream murmured in a mock soothing voice as he gently dragged his knife threateningly along your cheek. "Y'know... You would look better... With a smile." He leaned closer to you, the drawn-on eyes of his mask staring into your dull and tear-filled eyes as a stinging pain came from the corner of your lips. "Sh, sh, Relax... They're just shallow cuts, they won't even leave a scar. I'm not a monster." Time had passed quickly, but also excruciatingly slowly. You had no clue how long you had been down here, or how long you had been dead in between respawns. Dream just didn't seem to be leaving you alone. "Now..." He flipped the switchblade closed and threw it in his pocket before tremours shook the earth below and around you. "What the fUCK?!" He growled deeply before the door slammed open. "How did they even find this place!?" The door was blown off its hinges with a loud bang, causing Dream to duck out of the way of the flying piece of scrap. Light flooded into the room as you shut your eyes tightly, your ears ringing from the explosion. Once your eyes got a little bit adjusted, you opened them and saw five figures in the newly widened doorway. "Let's just say... It was an anonymous tip." "Sapnap?! You dare betray me?!" The black-haired male fell silent as he turned around and walked out, putting his hand on the shoulder of the tallest silhouette in the doorway as he walked by. Once you got completely used to the new light, you began to recognize the figures. Tommy, Tubbo, Foolish, and Ranboo. Tommy, Tubbo and Ranboo immediately ran forward and started a barrage of attacks on the masked psychopath while Foolish ran over and began to work on the chains binding you to the chair. After getting them off of you, he silently picked you up as you turned your head to look at the blond, brunet and monochrome boys. Dream's mask got knocked off and was thrown across the room as he was pinned below a growling Ranboo, whose skin looked almost purely black from your angle. Tommy was off to the side, rummaging through Dream's equipment, he already got his revenge when Dream was put into prison, this was Ranboo and Tubbo's revenge now.

"̷̛̲̪͝Ỳ̵̧̖͒̉o̸̟̔̆û̶̩̟̍͊'̸̧̺̎̉ṟ̷̰͘ế̴͍̰̎ ̶̤͆̎̒g̶̭̋̇o̸͍̐͑i̸̼̟̾ņ̷͊̈́̈́ĝ̷̰̤̈́ ̵̘̉t̵͖͠ȯ̸͎ ̴͎̐̈́r̸̰͙̾̑͝e̸͚͌͑g̴̛̗̦͑ř̷̳̳̱e̵̲̿̕ṫ̶̨͓͗ ̷̢͊E̷̬̪͒͊͂V̷̟̒͝Ë̸̜R̷͐̄̏ͅ ̶̲̟̤͗͋t̴̝̎o̵̖̐ư̴̞̾̇c̶̡̙̐h̵̹̜̣̒͂̂į̴̙̤͠n̴̤̼̻̅̚ǧ̵̹̙̌͜ ̵̥̞̏m̶̱̳̦͗̌y̴̱̮͒̒̄ ̶̮̈͑͆f̸͉̽̄à̵̹͠m̵͕̓̅͋í̸͇̩͔̿l̷̰̫̳͗͑y̸̡͌̊́.̶͓̇͝"̸̡͆ ("You're going to regret EVER touching my family.") Ranboo hissed lowly before he and Tubbo began applying weight to the sword pressed against the speedrunner's chest. You shut your eyes tightly for a moment before you felt a bottle press into your hands, causing you to re-open your eyes to see Foolish trying to hand you a healing potion. You eagerly took a small sip from it, feeling the small slices on your cheeks form back together and the pain from the bruises around your neck vanishing completely.

Dream was slain by Ranboo and Tubbo using Ranord

There was a clattering noise before two sets of footsteps running in your direction. Slowly tilting your head in their direction, you saw Tubbo with dark bags under his eyes and Ranboo with plenty more scars on his cheeks from tears. You were pulled from Foolish's arms and brought down to sitting on Tubbo's and Ranboo's laps, their arms completely wrapped around you. The goat hybrid was nuzzled under your chin while the enderman's face was buried in your hair. "We should have come sooner..." "We shouldn't have even left you alone in the mansion..." "I'm sorry... I should have never left the manor..."

[lilysdaydreams]

Praise Bingus (No fucking way)

→  I do not claim to know corpse- therefore please don't think that this is what he would actually act like, or that any details about his life are actually true. this is fiction.

→ Pairing: Corpse Husband X Fem!Reader

→ Genre: Angst and fluff. (FLUFF IS COMING I SWEAR)

→ Words: 3.9k

→ In a world where everyone is born with a mark on their wrist, two souls come together over the power of bingus.

→ (this isnt crack lol)

→ Warnings: Lots of swearing, um self-depreciation? rejection (kinda) and negative thoughts overall. Sorry im new to warnings.

→ Authors Note: this is the first time im doing like angst so please tell me if I did well? Um also, I’ve already started on the part 2 so keep your eyes out for that. If you wanna be tagged for part two please comment and lemme know. Also check out my other fics if you want!

→ Buy me a coffee

Part two  →    

~~~

Soulmates were a phenomenon. They'd been there for ages, drawn into the Egyptian tomb paintings, seen in the cave paintings from millions of years ago, talked about in stories passed down from generation to generation. They could be matching drawings, first words, names; all black before the soulmates met and turning gold the moment they talked to each other. There wasn't a scientist in the world who could explain the phenomenon.

You'd received your mark at birth just like everyone else, a sentence running around your wrist,

"No fucking way."

Your parents weren't that happy when you asked at the age of 4 what "fucking" meant but it wasn't that bad. You were happy that you had something unique, something other than the "Hi," or "Excuse me," that was on every other arm.

When you were 13, a little girl on the train pointed to your wrist and asked her mom what it meant. Ever since then, you'd taken to wearing bracelets over it. This had turned out to be a good idea because a few years later you started making Youtube videos. At the age of 16, you started a Youtube channel where you focused on a variety of things; makeup, fashion, games, art, skits and a whole lot more.

At the age of 20, you had a steady following of a little more than a million subscribers, and you had moved to LA to be closer to all your Youtube friends. You hadn't just grown on Youtube, you'd also started a lot of side projects. You were known for the art that you did on the side, along with the makeup palette you'd come out with a year ago. Soon you were planning to release a merch collection, one that you had been working on for a whole year now.

You hadn't met your soulmate at this point but honestly, you didn't really mind. Balancing Youtube and study (along with all your other side projects) was hard. There was no need to add the struggle of love into it... Or that's what you told yourself anyways.

There were days though, days where you wished you had someone to hug, someone to cuddle in bed with, someone to go on long walks with. You didn't let yourself wallow on it that long though. Crying about it was gonna do absolutely nothing.

It started on a rainy day. The story of you and him. You were editing your soon to be uploaded video, an e-girl outfits lookbook, which had been requested by your followers. Your personal style was all over the place and your previous soft girl and cottage care look books had done well, so you decided to continue the series.

You eyes blurred as you looked at the same point of the video, and you sighed, removing your glasses and rubbing your eyes. Your editor was sick and had let you know that they wouldn't be able to edit it by the deadline so here you were, editing it yourself. You stretched in your chair letting out a yawn. You were contemplating on whether to make coffee or not when your phone pinged.

"Nooooo" you whined when you noticed it was on the coffee table that was just a little out of your reach. Stretching your foot out, you tried to grab it between your toes and then sighed when the phone fell.

"I have zero luck, I swear" you muttered to yourself, bending to pick up the phone.

The text was from Rae, asking you to join a game of Among Us. You and Rae had been friends for a bit now, which all started when she came across your art and decided to order something from you. You had chatted and clicked immediately, immediately becoming fast friends. Ever since the lockdown started, she often asked you to join in on Among us games and your friendship had really grown over these past few months.

You sent a quick "sure!" and then went to your table, waiting for the PC to turn on. Quickly tweeting out that you were streaming, you opened up Youtube and turned on the stream, saying a quick hello and letting them know what you'd be doing.

"Rae just invited me guys, I don't really know who's there," you mumbled, replying to a comment asking you who you were playing with.

You squinted your eyes, joining the voice chat and then opening your phone camera to quickly check that you didn't look horrible. Sure you didn't really care about how you looked but it was always good to check that you didn't have anything stuck between your teeth before you turned on the camera.

There was already a conversation going on, between who you thought was Corpse and Sykkuno, judging by their voices.

"Yeah I could totally do that. Get a cat and name it Bingus. I wonder if th-"

You gasped when you heard what they were talking about and unmuted yourself immediately yelling "PRAISE LORD BINGUS" and effectively shocking everyone in the chat.

A moment of silence and then Rae yelled: "OH MY FUCKING GOD Y/N, YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME."

You giggled as everyone groaned and whined, saying hi as they realised who it was. You had played with Sykkuno and the others a few times before but you'd never met Corpse before. You'd heard his voice though, as he was trending on twitter constantly over the past few weeks. Once they all quietened down, you realised Corpse hadn't said anything. Since you knew everyone else in the lobby, you introduced yourself, wondering if you'd scared him a bit too hard.

"Hey Corpse, I'm Y/N from Y/C/N, its so nice to finally meet you," you said gritting your teeth at you awkward introduction. For a second there was no response and then three words were said that made your jaw drop to the floor.

"No fucking way"

He had whispered it, obviously still in shock, and your eyes widened in surprise as a tingle spread all over your body. So this was what everyone meant by "you'll just know," when you asked them about how you would recognize your soulmate.

"Holy shit" you thought frozen in your seat.

Never had you been more glad that you hadn't turned the camera on yet.

"Uhhhh-" you started, but stopped now knowing what to say.

What the fuck were you supposed to do now.

"Wha- Whats wrong?" Rae asked after a moment passed.

Corpse cleared his throat and started "Its um, shes my -" and you cut him off, heart beating in your chest.

"Nothing. Its nothing." you said talking over him. "Who else are we waiting for Rae?" you asked joining the lobby quickly and choosing red as your colour.

"Uh one more person," she said slowly, still a bit confused.

"Oh awesome!" you said fake enthusiasm prevalent in your voice. "So Sykkuno," you started, wanting to keep the conversation going. "How's Bimbus doing?"

Sykkuno launched into a story of Bimbus and you blew out a sigh of relief, mind still numb over the revelation.

Corpse was your soulmate.

The guy who had literally went viral the past few weeks was your soulmate.

You'd finally found him.

You heard Rae cut Sykkuno off, telling everyone she was starting the game and muttered a "Thank god" when the words "CREWMATE" appeared on your screen. You would not have been able to play imposter at the moment, your mind pretty much stuck on the fact that Corpse was your fucking soulmate.

Heading down to admin, you realised you hadn't said anything yet to the stream so you quickly turned on your cam, saying a quick sorry to the viewers.

"Sorry guys, I forgot to put the camera on," you smiled focusing on card swipe.

"I hope everyone's been okay, I know this was quite sudden, but Rae invited me and I was like why not you know," you said rambling as you moved to comms and did the task there.

Lights were called and you moved to electrical, arriving there just as Leslie fixed them. You moved into the back of electrical doing the three tasks you had there when Sykkuno suddenly came in and went straight to standing on top of the vent.

You giggled already knowing his trick.

"Okay guys," you mumbled watching Sykkuno wiggle on the vent. "do we trust Sykkuno or not?"

"You know what," you said making a split second decision. "Its the first game, we might as well."

Joining him on the vent, you stilled for a second and then breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't automatically kill you.

"See, what did I tell you guys huh?" you question smiling straight at the camera. "I knew Sykkuno could be trusted."

You decided to follow Sykkuno going into reactor with him and starting 'Simon says' and just as you were on the last part, a body was found making you let a whine out.

"Guysss," you whined to the camera as Rae started talking about how she had found Daves body in admin.

"Um, I havent been in admin since the start of the game," you said, "also I can clear Sykkuno, for the last part of the round, he's been with me since lights went out."

Sykkuno confirmed it, "Yup that's right, also I can hard clear Y/N cuz guess what? She stood on the vent with me and none of us died."

Everyone chuckled as he said "Thats good enough for me."

"Uh, I was in navigation mostly." said Lily.

"Poki, can I just ask what you were doing?" said Sean, an undercurrent of mirth present.

"Me?" asked Poki speaking for the first time. "What was I doing?"

"You weren't doing any tasks, you were literally just walking from one side of medbay to the other when I peeked in."

Poki started laughing, trying to get her words out at the same time.

"Okay so-" a giggle. "okay okay- I was just, I was trying to um do the beep test," she said finally breaking down and making everyone else laugh as well.

"What the fuck?" you said, laughing at the image in your mind.

"My chat told me to do it last game so I decided to do it now, I was literally just playing around," she said finally, adding "I swear I'm not imposter" at the end.

"Hmmm," you hummed, bringing a hand up to stroke your chin. "Are you sure it was last game Poki... hm...."

Giggling at Poki indignant "YES it was last game", you quickly skipped voting like everyone else as the timer went into the last ten seconds.

Humming a tune under your breath, you went back to reactor, taking a minute to carefully do Simon says and then moved to the other task counting out one two three as you pressed on the numbers. Humming, you moved out of reactor, only to come face to face with Corpse. You paused for a second, and then moved ahead, refusing to show anything on camera. For some reason he followed you as you went to storage, looking at you while you did the trash.

"Why is he just staring?" you mumbled, biting your lip. God, you really didn't wanna think of him right now. You started walking to shields, him still walking with you when lights were called and not a second later a body was reported.

Suddenly there was screaming your ears as Toast and Rae both started accusing each other.

"Wait- Wait WAIT" yelled Poki trying to get them to stop. "What happened?"

"I'll explain" declared Rae, not letting toast get a word in. "We were in navigation okay, me, Toast and Leslie. Lights went out, and suddenly a report buttons there. It's either Toast or someone came in just as lights went out and killed but that doesn't seem likely because I didn't see anyone anywhere near us at all. Anyways I'm fucking telling the truth guys, its Toast, he's the one who did it."

"Toast, do you have anything to say for yourself?" asked Corpse, his voice making your insides shiver.

"Holy shit, this is my soulmate", you thought for the fiftieth time.

"Uh yeah," replied toast. "I didn't do it."

Everyone laughed as he continued.

"Like seriously, I wouldn't do anything like this because it'd be a stupid move from my own part, and I think Raes smart enough to not do this as well. I think someone else came in just as lights went down and killed immediately, which to be honest, was pretty smart of them."

"Okay so I can clear Corpse," you cut in noticing the timer was close. "he was with me in weapons when it happened, he wouldn't have had time to go all the way up, or even vent there because we were literally walking in."

"Yup that's right," confirmed corpse.

"I'm in cafeteria" said Poki.

"Yeah, I saw her on my way to weapons," said Sykkuno, "and I'm in weapons right now,"

"I'm in lower engine" said Sean, and Lily said she was in reactor.

"I think it's Toast," you mumbled and then rose your voice to talk over everyone. "Look okay fine, maybe he said it was a stupid move and he wouldn't do it but maybe he did it for that exact reason. He thought he could get away with it because no one would expect him to do something like that."

As the timer started going down by 10, you voted for Toast and it turned out 3 had skipped the vote while five had voted for him.

damn.

"Guys you actually voted for him?" you said in a high voice, re-enacting one of Sykkunos most said lines.

You heard a "oh for gods sake" from Rae before everyone went silent and you giggled as you moved back down to weapons to do your tasks.

You finished all your tasks and decided to go to security to check where everyone is. Humming as you moved through the electrical hallway, you narrowed your eyes as Corpse came out of electrical and went towards storage. Quickly ducking in you didn't see a body so you headed back out, going into cams and gasping as you saw the body. Reporting immediately you were shocked to see the four kills that had happened. Now only you, Corpse, Sean and Rae were left.

"Oh my god," you mumbled confused. Either there were still two imposters, and Toast wasn't the imposter or the imposter literally killed and did nothing else. Now either that could mean that its definitely Rae if Toast wasn't the imposter, or that it was Corpse as the only imposter left. That was a bit weird though becuase he could have totally killed you at the start of the game. You didn't suspect Sean at all.

"What the fuck?" mumbled Corpse, and Rae made her animal noises expressing her shock.

"Okay," you said taking charge and relaying the kill and your theory to everyone. "So either it was Toast and there's only one other imposter, who is Corpse. Or Toast wasn't an imposter and there's two of them left. I-" you took a deep breath in at the end, very confused. " I don't know anymore,"

"I think its Corpse as well,"

Corpse who hadn't said anything up till this moment suddenly started stammering out "hey-hey uh let-lets not gang up on me okay. It's not-"

"No, wait, its because Y/N said you came out of electrical right, and I saw you in upper engine literally a bit ago and you went down. I went towards cafeteria so I don't know exactly where you went but its totally possible that you killed."

You voted form him after that, convinced it was Corpse, and the other followed quickly.

"Guys what the fuck, at least give me a chance to explain my self" he whined when his body was thrown off the ship seconds later. You cheered when the "VICTORY" sign was displayed across the screen, bringing up your chat and laughing at Toast as he pretended to be angry at me.

"That was a great round, good work Y/N"

"Thankyou" you mumbled staring at your chat. You were confused when you saw the absolute influx of messages on there, and you were barely able to read them because they were going so fast. You scrolled up, and read through the few of the messages;

"You've made corpse sad."

"Corpse has literally been so quite since you came in, can you leave."

"Omg stop with the hate messages, its not her fault if corpse isn't talking to you"

"are you his ex or something? What was that reaction at the start?"

"what did you do? Corpse literally hasn't said a word since you came in."

"Um..."

Corpse POV

Corpses heart stopped for a minute, his breath catching. The words on his wrist glowed gold, and he stared at the little red character standing there.

This person was the reason that he had "PRAISE BINGUS" stretched across his wrist.

They were the only reason that he had searched "Bingus" on google for all of his life. The only reason Corpse knew about the meme before anyone else was because he was constantly monitoring the word online. Ever since March, he had been waiting with bated breath, anxious that he could meet his soulmate at any moment. and here you were.

For some reason, he had never expected that he would meet you in among us, or while he was on stream. He always thought it'd be someone outside. It was a bit stupid in hindsight as all he did nowadays was play among us.

He heard you introduce yourself to him but the only thing that came out of his mouth was “No fucking way”.

Immediately after he wanted to slap himself.

“Idiot” he thought to himself. “At least try to make a good impression.”

When Rae asked what was wrong, heat sprung to his cheeks as he started revealing that they were soulmates, but Y/N cut him off, saying that it was nothing.

Corpse’s heart sank a little then.

'Maybe she’s just a private person,' he reasoned with himself.

'I shouldn’t have tried to say it on stream either. God, I’m a fucking idiot, if I said it, literally everyone would know and not only would I have hated the attention, she probabaly would have as well.'

Convincing himself that she was right, he reassured himself that it wasn’t because of him. She wasn’t revealing it because she probably didn't want all the attention.

For some reason though, his heart sank even more when Y/N didnt talk to him, instead talking to sykkuno about his dog. Like sure he could understand not wanting to reveal they were soulmates but shouldn’t she at least wanna talk to him? At this point he wouldn’t even mind if she talked about his voice like everyone else.

He groaned when the word "Imposter" came across his screen, his and Toasts character standing together. He was not in the right mindset right now to be able to be a good imposter. Breathing in deeply he continued in the game, with the first round passing by quick. The second round, he saw Y/N and stood with her for a bit wondering if he should kill her. Her red character moved to weapons and he sighed moving the mouse over the kill button. Just as he was thinking of clicking a body was found. Corpse swore as Toast flew off the ship. Deciding he needed to speed it up he killed four people in the round, hissing when the meeting was called. The moment Y/N accused him, he knew it was over. He didn't even bother defending himself much, just hoping the game would end soon.

When they were in the lobby, he quickly told everyone that he was going to leave because his internet was acting up. Turning off the stream after saying a quick thank you to everyone, he leaned back in his seat breathing through his nose.

What the fuck was his life.

Even his soulmate didnt want him. Honestly, he should have expected this. Abandoned at 12 with no one around him, why did his expect his soulmate to even give a fuck about him. Tears pricked his eyes and he blinked trying to get rid of them. He breathed in deeply, grabbing the water on the table and taking a big gulp. He had never hated himself more than he did right now. Why couldnt he have an easier life.

“Why cant I just fucking be NORMAL” he yelled throwing the empty bottle of water at the wall.

Throwing himself into bed, he scrunched up his eyes, hoping that sleep would come today, not noticing as his phone lit up with a single message.

Your POV

You stayed for another game and then ducked out apologizing and making an excuse up.

"Sorry it was such a short stream, everyone," you said pouting at the camera. "It was fun though so hopefully I get to do it again." Waving goodbye, you turned off the camera and leaned your head back staring at the ceiling.

What the actual fuck.

Grabbing your phone, you stared at it for a bit. Everything that you had pushed to the back of your mind in the game, was suddenly in the forefront.

The only thing you knew about Corpse was that he had a really deep voice, he narrated horror movies, and he maybe did music?

'Rae mentioned that once right?' you thought to yourself.

You unlocked the phone and then locked it again, too scared to actually do anything.

Unlocked.

Locked.

Unlocked.

Locked.

"Oh get a grip," you muttered to yourself, opening the phone and sending a text to Rae.

‘Hey Rae, do you have corpses number? Do you mind sending it to me, I need to tell him something.’

A reply came in a minute,

‘umm, why. he's pretty private so idk i don't rlly wanna give his number if he doesn't want someone to have it’

You sighed, and decided you might as well tell her. You knew Rae wouldn't betray your trust.

‘He's my soulmate’

Immediately a ‘AHDJHAKJKAGDAK’ came as a reply and you giggled at the string of emojis after it.

‘Don't tell anyone,’ you sent quickly, trying to calm her down.

‘Okay okay, its XXX - XXX - XXXX, ASHAGDH IM DYING OMG. GO TALK TO HIM.’

Biting your lip you added Corpse into your contacts hesitating before putting a small black heart next to his name.

"Already simping," you mumbled under your breath, hands hovering over the keyboard as you struggled to think of what to write.

You finally decided on 'Hey, its Y/N, can I call?' thinking that something short would be the best way to go. Hand hovering over the send button, you sucked in a breath and pressed it, waiting with bated breath.

A minute passed.

And then five.

And then, without you even you realising, it'd been half an hour of you just looking at your phone.

An hour later, you were slumped on your desk, eyes closed and snoring lightly, the phone still open, the message you sent lighting up the screen.

tbc.

[mqnasluvr]

skinship headcanons | genshin impact

pairings; jean x gn!reader, amber x gn!reader, albedo x gn!reader

mentioned; kaeya, lisa, huffman, sucrose

warnings; suggestive themes ( jean ), all lowercase, not proofread

word count; 1.7k but half of it is albedo

jean

jean is not the touchiest person out there, but she does enjoy holding you. not too big on pda either; the most you’ll get out of her in public is maybe a quick smooch on the cheek and hand holding🛐 other than that, shes quite reserved.

her hugs are very comforting, but the first couple of times it was awkward on her part. she was used to giving barbara and klee hugs, but this was different. she wasn’t sure where to put her arms, and if anything she got more frustrated the more she hesitated.

once she grows accustomed to it, she’ll be fine. she enjoys the warmth and innocence of hugs, especially if you’re taller than her.

like i said, in public she isnt very touchy. while running errands she does keep you close though, and enjoys holding your hand more and anything.

behind closed doors shes a little bit bolder, but still shy overall. she’s not sure if she’s moving too fast for you so she waits until you initiate any type of physical contact, then takes it from there herself. it took her a long time before she managed to get the courage to kiss you tbh

one time when you two were in her office, amber walked in on you “distracting” jean from her work.

“y/n, i have to get back to work, please,” jean adverted her eyes from your gaze, embarrassed. she kept looking at the door, mentally asking herself if the door was locked or not and getting more nervous as the seconds passed.

you sat straddled on the young womans lap, her hands loosely placed on your hips. holding her face in your hands, you guided her face back to yours. “you work for way too long,” you frowned. “and i’m bored. there’s nothing to do in here.”

“the library is just across the hall—“

“if i read another book my brain will implode.” jean sighed and shook her head.

“please indulge in me just this once? please jean?” she stared at you blankly, her resolve quickly deteriorating. a couple of kisses couldn’t hurt, could it? she looked up at the clock in the corner of the room, then back at you.

sighing for the umpteenth time that day, she nodded. “just for a little while-“

before she could finish speaking, you pressed your lips to hers hurriedly, not wanting to waste any time. jean barely ever separated herself from her work, and refused to accept help from anyone else. you almost never had time alone with the acting grand master— you weren’t going to miss your chance now.

the kiss was not heated whatsoever, just very.. clumsy. and needy. on your part, at least. jean tried her best to slow you down, gripping your hips as her face heated up.

“jean, lisa needs you for somethi- oh,” amber nearly dropped the papers in her hands, immediately covering her eyes with it instead. you whipped your head around and stared at the girl wide-eyed before she spoke up again. “d-did i come at a bad time? i am so sorry, i’ll um. i’ll go now.”

jean couldnt look her in the eyes for WEEKS

it was painful

but overall, she likes physical affection, shes just nervous :,)

amber

amber LOVES touching you!! she’s 100% okay with pda. she isnt as forward as maybe kaeya or lisa, but she’s still rather bold. sometimes she forgets youre in public too, which ends up drawing a lot of attention to the both of you.

when you two go out on dates she is always touching you. hand in hand, arm around waist, whatever. theres always some type of physical contact, no matter what.

it’s so PAINFULLY obvious that you two are dating but for some reason she didn’t think that anyone knew ?? one time huffman saw yall kissing in an alleyway u really aren’t slick🤨

she loves cheek and forehead kisses, but likes receiving them more than giving really. shes a hyper one, and these kisses fluster her enough to make her quiet down. ( it’s so cute )

she often picks you up to hug you, spinning you both around in circles in an almost bone crushing hug. other than those times her hugs are really soft, but the energy is still there. ^^

have i mentioned that she is affectionate?? because she really is. she does respect your boundaries though, but if you feel uncomfortable you’re going to have to speak up on it because she won’t notice.

in private her clinginess is amplified by 10.

“i’m trying to cook, amber,” you mumbled, struggling to stir the paste sauce in the pot. all you were trying to do was make dinner for the two of you, but around 5 minutes ago she came up behind you and wrapped her arms around your arms and torso. you could feel her bury her face further into your back.

“mhm, and it smells really good too,” she hummed. you groaned, and she just giggled.

“i’ll be done in like, 20 minutes, amber. you can hug barron bunny in the meantime,” you tried to pry her arms off of you but she started whining.

“that’s too long.”

“no, it isnt,” you turned around with a spoonful of pasta sauce, motioning for her to open her mouth. she slurped the sauce and gave you a thumbs up.

“see? its good, right? well it wont get much better if you keep clinging to me so much,” she stayed quiet, but at least loosened her arms around you so that it was easier to move. you lightly patted her hand. “thank you.”

“whateverrr,” she drawled, and you couldnt help but laugh.

the pasta was in fact very good

in the end, shes the exact opposite of jean, and youll need to slow her down a lot :,)

albedo

as far as physical contact goes, it’s literally the last thing you will ever find on his mind. he’s too caught up with other things to think about physical affection

he does love you yes, but he doesnt show it through physical means. he does more gift giving, like when he sees a pretty flower that reminds him of you while going out to find starsilver shards.

if you want a hug or anything out of him you’re going to have to initiate it first— it’s foreign territory, and it’s not something he’s particularly interested in, so he doesnt feel the need to indulge in it

however the first time you two cuddle you can tell that he’s hooked. and he does a terrible job at hiding it.

now, he insists that you sit in his lap while he is taking notes because it “helps him focus better” and because “he’s so lonely”

we all know that aint true lmfao

he also really likes it when you play with his hair. please play with his hair, especially when you want him to get away from his studies. physical contact is completely foreign to him so something as simple as a scalp massage will make him melt 🛐

whenever he refuses to get away from his work, sucrose always asks you to step in because he wont listen to her

“y/n,” sucrose quietly approached you as you conversed with kaeya. you turned to her and nodded, albiet a bit concerned. sucrose never really needed you for anything, what did she need now that she couldn’t do herself?

kaeya took this as his sign to leave, but not before giving you a quick pat on the head. “yes, sucrose?” you said. “did something happen?”

she nodded meekly, watching kaeya walk off. a little bubble of guilt formed in her stomach from interrupting. “ah, i need your help with something. you see, mr albedo has been doing research non-stop on a new thing that has caught his eye since yesterday afternoon. i’ve tried to get him to put his research on pause, but,” she adjusted her glasses. “he doesn’t listen to me. i was hoping if you could maybe convince him to take care of himself?”

you pinched the bridge of your nose and sighed. he was doing it again. but you couldnt really blame him, he was terrible at keeping his hyperfixations under control. “i’ll take care of him, sucrose. don’t worry.”

she visibly relaxed at your words. sucrose flashed you a smile of gratitude, then waved and walked off to finish her errands in mondstadt.

—

it didn’t take him very long to notice your presence behind him. you were practically glaring at him, but there was no true anger behind it. wordlessly, albedo turned around in his chair and looked up at you.

you crossed your arms. “albedo,” you started, and it took everything in him not to sigh at the inevitable lecture.

“sucrose sent you, did she not?” he propped his arm up on the armrest of his chair, leaning his face into his hand as he gazed at you nonchalantly.

“of course she did. why aren’t you taking breaks?” he turned his chair back around, but you sat on the desk he was working at. you placed your hand on top of his papers and he shot a glare at you. it didnt phase you in the slightest.

“i have work to do. it’s much easier to do it all at once than stop inbetween.”

“have you at least been taking care of your basic needs? when was the last time you ate, or drank water?”

your eyes softened when he looked away.

hopping off of the desk, you grabbed his hand and pulled him away from his work ( gently, of course ). he barely protested.

you started muttering about how he needs to take better care of himself while pouring him a cup of water and making him a simple sandwich. he was a bit disappointed in himself for making you worry, and ate the food you gave him guiltily.

you pinched his cheek as he ate, giving it a light tug. he slapped your hand away playfully and a bit of the guilt he felt lifted when he heard your laugh. “i’m sorry you have to go through this for me.”

you shook your head. “you just need to learn how to stop yourself. you’re smart albedo, i’m sure you’ll figure it out in no time.”

he finished eating his food and, uncharacteristically, pulled you in for a hug. albedo rested his forehead against your shoulder, relaxing even further when you weaved your fingers through his hair.

“...i’m sorry, y/n.”

“stop apologizing.”

“okay. sorry. oh-”

you laughed.

[nightfall-kachiniko]

Hey! I really liked your Annie angst where she hits the reader and wanted to request one where it's the same idea but just with Mikasa? Thanks a lot!

HAHA YES IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS!

“A broken promise ” Mikasa x Reader. || Chapter 1. Oᴛʜᴇʀ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀs ᴀʀᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴛᴛᴏᴍ!

this contains spoilers for the manga of AOT. || rumbling spoilers ahead||

You walked into your both’s shared bedroom to find Mikasa staring at herself in the mirror, her eyes sad as she looking down at her feet as she laid against the mirror. Her back faced you. Your arms crept around her waist, hugging her strong body as you cuddled you head into the back of her shoulder. “Please.. come back to me..” you softly whispered for the both of you to hear. “Your so distant yet… so close..” you hugged her tighter as you embraced her presence.

Mikasa pushed you off of her after a while, and started to walk out of the room. “You make me sick.”

Hours passed since your encounter with your girlfriend.

You couldn’t stand just letting this happen. Your relationship was slowly but surely being torn apart, weather or not mikasa was realizing it or not. Could she not care about you anymore? Her attitude changed Jurassic-ally ever since Eren told Her he hated her, which to your dismay you turned your back on him, saying that Mikasa deserved better.

You finally built up the courage to talk to her directly, as you made your way through the airship, coming out of your dorm. The common area was a wide open space, couches and a new thing from Marley that had just been discovered by the people of paradis, something called a “television.”

You turned your way to the room next to it, a small conference room. The room was long with a small glass table, a bookshelf, and a fireplace with couches. The woman stood at the bookshelf’s in the back of the room, looking at one of them.

“This has been going on for way to long,” you said to the raven haired woman, her gaze now looking at you with her eyes stern. “What happened to you?” All she could do was roll her eyes, not saying a word. “I know how attached you are to him, and I don’t want that to happen either, but I’m just saying, it’s a possible outcom-“

“No it isn’t,”

She said fiercely. “Mikasa , you have to accept the fact eren has changed,” “No he hasn’t!” Her voice got louder, to your surprise. “You act as though you knew him for your whole life, he will stop this rumbling,”

“And what if he doesn’t?”

“He will,”

“Your in denial”

“Maybe I’m so in denial because all you’ve done is try to bring me down for these past few weeks!” Your girlfriend yelled, “All you’ve done is hate on Eren all this damn time!”

“Mikasa are you fucking NUTS?! HE LITERALLY TOLD YOU HE HATED YOU!”

“He doesn’t mean that,”

“Are you sure mikasa? Think about everything he’s done to you.” There was a pause before you added, “think about everything he’s done to us,”

Mikasa shut the book closed, tossing it on a nearby table.

“Shut up,”

She gritted her teeth at you before pitching the bridge of her nose.

“What happened to you?” You asked her sadly,

“Absolutely nothing,”

“Everything changed,”

“NOTHING ABOUT ME CHANGED!” Mikasa screamed at you, pounding her fist on the wall. “Mikasa .. listen to yourself! You used to never be like this! You were so sweet and caring, and then Eren changed, and so did you.”

She went quiet, an irritated look on her face. The Airship you and the rest of the cadets were on, soared through the air. The thing they call ‘a flying boat’ letting off steam as it flew. Towards Marley you headed, where the rumbling was occurring. Eren had already planned this whole ideal out behind the Survey Corps backs, his mean demeanor changing the person who you barley can recognize, you girlfriend.

“You never used to yell at me the way you do now,” you said as her breathing got heavier with anger.

“We used to be inseparable, now look at us. Ever since the rumbling started and Eren actually going through with his plan, you slowly started drifting away from me. And at first I understood why.”

She looked at you, the woman’s eyes still as stern as they could ever be, giving you a violent but silent glare.

“And then you became mean.. and aggressive.”

She started stepping towards you, her eyes bloodshot with anger, “you don’t understand because you never took the time to listen!,”

“All you did was push me away! Every time I tried to help! You treated me like your punching bag!” Your girlfriend moved towards you aggressively, making you hesitant to stay put. Your girlfriend looked at you dead in the eyes and for a slight moment, you swore you could see a tear forming. “I became aggressive? Yoru kidding me! HOW THE HELL ARE YOU JUST GOING TO ACT LIKE THIS ISNT A SERIOUS SITUATION! I TRIED TO BE NICE FOR THE LONGEST TIME!

“You are NOT the same woman I feel in love with!” Your voice trailed into her ears. Your heart heavy as your words spilled out. “Oh yeah? Then maybe you weren’t in love with me at all.”

“Mikasa you know that isn’t true,”

“I tried protecting ALL OF YOU! AND LOOK WHERE WE END UP! SASHA’S DEAD! COMMANDER HANJI IS DEAD! “

“Yeah and the same person you’re defending is the cause of their deaths.”

“Eren wouldn’t do this.” She stated. Your head filled with irritation. ‘Why can’t she just accept it?!’

“Are you kidding me?! WAKE UP! DO YOU NOT SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING AROUND YOU!?” you yelled, “EREN IS KILLING, HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE!” your voice cracked out. The pain that you bared because of your friends actions was one you couldn’t get rid of no matter how hard you tried. No matter how many days would linger past, the fact that Eren, the boy who you once knew when he was running around playing tag with you and the rest of your group, is now a mass murderer.

“we don’t have to kill him-“

“MIKASA WE HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE! DO YOU NOT SEE WHAT HE’S DOING!? EREN IS JUST AS GUILTLY AS REINER AND BERTOLDT!”

“SHUT UP!” Her voice raised with irrational and anger. “YOU DON’T GET TO MAKE THAT DECISION!”

“You aren’t LISTENING! EVEN JEAN SAID THAT WOULD BE BEST! I DONT WANT TO KILL HIM BABY I REALLY DONT BUT WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO!”

“DAMNIT I SAID STOP!”

And just like that a loud crash noise was heard. The swift movement of a fist collided with the side of your face, the power containing it sending you falling back and into the glass coffee table behind you. You didn’t even realize what had just happened. You didn’t want to believe what just happened. You stared up at your girlfriend who’s face turned from anger to complete horror, her hand over her mouth as she stared at the damage she just caused. And boy was it bad.

The sting of redness on your face started to bleed droplets of blood. Soaking through your broken skin as a large red colored bruise begin to form. Tears started welting up in your e/c orbs. The sadness washed over you as you saw the woman who was suppose to love you, show an action of hatred that you never knew she could do. She hit you. She hurt you.

Heavy and frantic footsteps were heard rushing to the door of the conference room. The door swung open and there stood your best friend, Armin Artlert. “I-is everything okay!? I heard glad breaking!” He said, worried. His eyes looked around the room. The salty pieces of water flooded down your face as you choked on your tears.

Armin’s face went dead, he couldn’t believe it either. “Y-y/n.. baby.. oh g-god honey i-“ Mikasa couldn’t even form words. Hell SHEE couldn’t even believe she did that.

“W-wha-“ armin barley got out when you rushed to the door, pushing armin aside and ran back to your dorm room. “Y-y/n!” Armin tried calling out to you as your dorm slammed shut. You sinking to the floor crying.

Armin stared at Mikasa, “W-what happened?” His eyes saddened. “I..” Mikasa couldn’t get out any words, her face still in shock. “I hit them…” she managed to get out. “O-oh god I- I hit them,” her eyes filled tears as Armin pulled her into a hug. “I-I’m so sorry.. I-I’m so sorry…”

You laid on the floor after sinking down to the ground, slamming your door shut. Wiping your tears away with your hands, you looked at your both’s shared bedroom. Studying the interior. Thinking back on the time Mikasa promised you how she’d always be there for you, how she promised that she’d never hurt you. She promised when you both had your first kiss. She kept that promise and always kept it for so long, never once breaking it. Your numb body looked over at the ticking clock.

The thoughts that ran through your head as you watched the clock tick, and with every second you couldn’t bear to accept the fact, Her promise was broken.

Kachiniko || My Blog || What I write || 06/06/21

Chapter 2 “The conclusion”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

[buryustogether]

heeey :) how are ya? so i have never requested anything before i dont really know what im doing rn lol but here we go. Could you write a angst fic with our boy sam ? where him and the reader have like an age gap (if your okay with that obvs.) He is kinda 40-50 yrs old and therefore much older than i am lmao and maybe make it smutty at the end? if you do it thanks, if you dont also thanks

k byeee

(btw english isnt my first language, so ignore any mistakes i made in this very long ask lol)

don’t worry, literally no one knows shit the first time they request. and also, please - a little known fact about me that’s about to be a little more known, i live for age gaps (legal ones, lmfao we don’t do that other shit here)

drunken love

summary: after a date mixed with a few drinks, sam gets jealous and makes sure you know it.

warnings: f!reader, angsty fighting, petty arguments, alcohol consumption, cursing, smut, porn with plot, daddy kink, i could go on for days, this ain’t for kids, etc.

“Jesus. What the hell have you been drinking?”

They weren’t exactly the first words you were expecting to hear when you walked through your front door, but you didn’t really think you were going to get a cheery hello, either. You glanced over your shoulder to find him standing in the doorway of the living room, arms crossed in some defiant pose that would have been threatening if you didn’t know him as well as you did.

“Hey,” you said, pausing to emit a tiny hiccup, “Sam.”

He had shedded his over shirt sometime while you were gone, as well as his shoes, and now all he was left in were his jeans and the white tank top men wore beneath every outfit, it seemed. If the circumstances had been different, you would have considered it, well... pretty hot. His tattoos free to breathe and his hair wild in the slightest tangles hanging near his shoulders. Oh yeah. That was definitely hot. But there weren’t any other circumstances, which was becoming painfully clear to you now.

Sam stepped deeper into the living room as you hung your purse up and your keys on the hook, struggling a bit to get the ring onto the wall. Your body tingled, warning you of a presence just behind you, and you turned just as he bent down slightly and sniffed your shoulder.

“Uhm, hello?” you asked, stepping to the side.

“So I guess that means you are drunk,” he said and pulled back. He watched you shed your coat and followed you into the kitchen, bare feet slapping the wood floor with a gradual stomp that became louder.

Sure, you’d had a few drinks when you went out with Tim tonight, but it wasn’t like you were the blackout, someone-carry-me-to-the-cab-kind of drunk. Yeah, the room swayed just a bit when you walked too fast and the door became blurry when you opened the refrigerator, but when didn’t they do that? It wasn’t like Sam could talk; he passed out on the couch maybe once a week with a bottle or two sitting on the coffee table. It wasn’t like you ever complained. And, you thought as you grabbed a water, what business was it of his?

“What the hell’s your problem tonight?” you asked and turned around to face him. You became aware of the fact that he was standing very close, so close that you could see the lashes on the bottoms of his eyes and the dent above his brow that only showed itself when he was extremely pissed off.

Sam emitted a scoff from the back of his throat that practically made his shoulders jump. “I don’t have a problem,” he said, though it was obvious he very much did. “It’s just that, I don’t know, you’re some young kid goin’ out in a slutty dress like that and not even tellin’ me first.”

“What’s wrong with my dress?” you asked, looking down. It really wasn’t anything that bad, an off-the-shoulder number that was a striking blue. True, the end, which reached a little higher on your thighs than anything you usually wore, was a little out there, but otherwise, there wasn’t anything sinful about it like he was making it out to be.

He shook his head and raised a hand in a snarky, sarcastic way as he said, “Oh, nothin’. Not if you’re goin’ out to a strip club or something.”

“Oh, my god!” you said and shoved his chest so that he bumped into the kitchen counter. “Get over yourself, Sam.” The liquor pumping through your veins was giving you generous amounts of liquid courage, levels you would never even dream of if you were sober. “I knew you could be a jackass sometimes, but Jesus. You’re a fucking douchebag when you’re jealous.”

“I’m not jealous.” He kicked himself off the counter when you shook a hand and rounded the corner leading down the hall. “Hey!” he said, raising his voice. It sent goosebumps up your arms. “I’m not done talkin’ to you!”

“Well, I’m finished with you.”

With that, you entered your bedroom and slammed the door behind you, nearly shrieking with how much his words angered you. Kicking your shoes off, and then your dress, you pulled on an oversized shirt before making your way to the bathroom attached to your room. God, he made you want to pull your hair out sometimes. He complained and demanded and was oftentimes so, so unfair... and you loved everything about him.

Everyone told you it was a bad idea. You had originally met Sam Drake through his brother Nathan, working a job entailing a subject you happened to be an expert in. He, being the nomad he was, needed a place to crash for a night or two during the job; naturally, you had offered, never one to pass up a chance at karma. A few nights turned into a week, and that dissolved into months. Now he was living on your couch and pitching in where he could around the place, cleaning, cooking what he knew how, keeping you company.

Everyone had told you it was a bad idea, letting a man move in that was nearly twice your age. What if he’s some kind of creep, they said. What if he’s just trying to get in your pants, they said. What if he’s just going to kill you in your sleep, take your things, and go on a spree across three states, they said? You never bought any of it. Sam, while at times like these, was an asshole and made you want to throw him out, no matter the time of night, he had a soft spirit it seemed only you were able to see and touch. He’d never tried anything, never even laid a hand on something of yours he didn’t have permission to touch. Of course there was the empty flirtations he played damn near every day, but bottom line, he was as much of a gentleman as you had ever met.

But when he made remarks about your age, implying you couldn’t take care of yourself, or your dress and said it was slutty, you nearly wanted to grab a knife and give him a brand new tattoo.

By the time you had wiped off your smudged makeup and brushed your teeth, your blood had cooled and the anger had subsided. You rested the side of your head in your hand and glanced at yourself in the mirror. Your phone buzzed and you picked it up to swipe the notification into view; Tim, your date, already sending you goodnight texts and asking when he could see you again. You left the phone on the bathroom sink.

Sam was sat on his couch in the living room, a book splayed across his lap, but you could tell he wasn’t reading it because his gaze was instead fixated on an empty spot across the room. He looked up when you entered, almost as if he didn’t think it would be you, and pulled his legs off the cushions so that you could sit down. Taking a seat, you stared where he did, keeping the quiet.

“Look,” said Sam. He tossed whatever he was reading onto the coffee table before hunching his shoulders. “Maybe I was a little jealous, alright? I’m sure that Tim guy is nice and handsome or whatever, but I don’t like you goin’ out with strangers and not tellin’ me first. I didn’t know where you’d gone.”

You shifted slightly, bare feet tucking into the space between the cushions for warmth. “I’m allowed to have a life outside of the house, Sam,” you said, voice soft but persistent. “And Tim’s not a stranger; he’s from work. He just... asked me to go out for a night, that’s all.”

“Yeah. I get it.” He shook his hand and carded his fingers through his hair, a small, rueful smile blossoming across his thin lips. “Sorry. It’s just that...” He trailed off, leaving the sentence hanging in the air, and it took him a glance in your direction to finish it. “It’s just that I don’t think you need to go out with other guys in that way. I can take care of you just fine.”

Your breath hitched in your throat and your gaze swiftly turned to him, only to find that he had somehow moved a bit closer without you realizing. Still feeling brave from the alcohol in your veins, you asked, “How would you take care of me?”

Sam met your eyes then, and you were able to identify a look swimming in his eyes you had never seen before. Maybe it had only come out when you weren’t looking, maybe he hid it. Maybe it had been there all along. But one moment it was there, and the next you couldn’t see it anymore, because he was on you like a predator on prey. His lips connected with yours slowly despite his quick movements, sealing your mouths in a gentle, yet passionate kiss that sent your heart racing. Your eyes fluttered shut as fireworks exploded inside your stomach and a hand moved up to the side of his face on its own accord. His stubble scratched the pads of your fingers and you could have sworn they felt sharp as knives. Your mouths had just begun to open wider when he suddenly pulled back and away. Cold replaced warm and the sensation in your stomach disappeared.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, using his thumb to wipe the bottom of his lip. “I shouldn’t’a done that, I just-“

You cut him off when you got to your knees and grabbed the front of his tank top, then tugged him back in. It was as if you were telling him, ‘It’s alright. Come here. Let me have you.’ It was like you were telling him, ‘Tim means nothing to me, not if he isn’t you.’ And he somehow understood everything.

The pair of you collapsed back on the couch and he hovered over you, settling himself between your legs as your lips collided once more. There was something so romantic and at the same time so instinctive about the kiss, the way he ran his hands through your hair gently and how his tongue ran over your lips to ask for permission to enter. Like you could even think of saying no in this moment. Your mouth parted and he slipped his tongue in, lips pressing hard enough to bruise, and his hands moved over your neck, your collarbone while he did, like he was trying to memorize every inch of you while he could. His fingers, his palm - they felt so sturdy against your skin, strong and safe, like they should be.

You parted and the both of you inhaled deep, grasping for air, but Sam went right back to work before you could even catch your breath. He dipped his head down below yours and caught the skin of your neck in his mouth, kissing and sucking hard, and it was sure to leave marks come the morning time. Each time he gave you a love spot, he went down again and placed gentle kisses on the mark to soothe what pain it brought.

All the while you had turned into a melting mess beneath him, legs bending at the knee and welcoming him further against your front. He slowly placed his weight down and you accepted it in full, hands carding through his dark locks and savoring the sensations he was creating on your skin like some master in the entire trade. He was, if you were being frank, but there was something so tender and yet so feral about the entire thing you felt assured this wasn’t just another experience for him, not just another notch on his belt. No, this was something much more. This was the end to all of that.

Sam murmured your name over and over like a prayer as he moved lower. His mouth fell to the small dip in your clavicle and he attacked it, hands caressing your sides and working their way down to your love handles, your hips, your thighs. There was something so god-like in the way he moved if you didn’t know any better, you have thought you were dead. But you were so the opposite of dead; this was the peak of living, of existing. This very moment.

He raised his head to receive the gentle nod you gave him, then returned to devouring your lips as he began to pull your shirt up from where it hung around your waist. Every inch it moved up, you felt more and more embarrassed; Sam had never seen your body like this before, and there was something intimidating about it. But before you had much time to think it over, he had wiggled it over your head, off your arms, and dropped it over the back of the couch. Some new, adoring light became visible in his irises when you chuckled breathlessly, hugging your arms around your breasts insecurely.

“Hey, now, come on,” he teased gently, and took ahold of your wrists to pry them away. In a swift motion, he had them above your head and his face was suddenly between your breasts like a man who had never known warmth in his life. A sharp inhale escaped your lips as he nuzzled one, nose poking against the mound, and his free hand groped the other. It sent electricity coursing through your spine and up to your brain, practically frying it. This was what heaven was, you thought.

Sam finally slipped his tongue from beneath his swollen lips and licked a small trail from the valley of your breasts to the tip of the nearest, your nipples tough and erect from the butterflies fluttering in both your head and your lower abdomen. You gave a small moan in reply and eased your head back, beginning to feel a stiff line grow against your thigh where Sam’s legs met. He gave no indication that he had an erection, no. He focused all his attention on you, tuning in to what you felt like, what you enjoyed, what you didn’t. It almost felt magical. No, wait - it did.

“Oh, Sam,” you murmured, and simply his name spilling from your tongue pushed him even closer to the breaking point. Cued by your words, he leaned up onto his knees and discarded his tank top, giving you a gorgeous view of his front. He wasn’t too terribly skinny, nor was he muscled to the point of his abdomen being rock-solid. He was perfect, with a gorgeous bit of stomach protruding from his middle, the ghost of abs kissing his middle. You wanted to do the same. So you did.

“Woah, hey,” he laughed when you leaned up and grabbed his sides, pressing your lips to his belly. If you focused intently enough, you could feel a shiver climb up his spine. You gently eased him back so that you had settled between his thighs, pressing deep kisses and tiny love bites to every inch of his front you could reach. His hands explored your back, your shoulder blades. You were sure to give extra attention to the trio of scars on his lower tummy, and he nearly released a growl of pleasure from that alone. So much pain had come from that one spot on him, and now that such wonderful feelings had replaced them, he didn’t quite know what to think.

But he did know what to do. Sam lifted you off of him and set you down on your back, so that you were back in the original position you had started in. You watched, subtly removing your underwear, as he unbuttoned his jeans and let them drop to the floor. His eyes lit up like lanterns when he saw what you had done. “Eager, are we?” he said and leaned down to lovingly kiss your hips, even the parts you were insecure of, because to him, every bit of you was perfect.

“Like you aren’t?” you replied boldly, and reached a hand out to graze his erection through his boxers. A bumpy groan bubbled from his lips and he pinned you deeper into the couch.

“Please, honey,” he mused, and his hips grinned into yours mercilessly. “I’ve been waiting forever for this.”

You grinned and placed your hands on the sides of his face, brushing your thumbs against his cheekbones and holding him like a sacred piece of art. “Then show me just how you’d take care of me,” you murmured, “daddy.”

That single word, the one you practically breathed into his ear, your lips brushing over the shell, sent him into a frenzy you thought only wild animals were capable of. He kicked off his boxers in a flash and it took you only a moment to blink before he was inside of you, and a loud moan filled the room around you, leaving no space for hesitation or doubts. No, this was right. God damn, this was so right.

Sam took you hard and fast, as he did with everything else in his life, and it about knocked your soul straight from your body. From the way his hips rolled against yours, burrowing himself deeper inside you, to the way he worshipped your name like you were a goddess he prayed to every night and day. He worked a solid, steady rhythm of thrusting at what seemed as much as you could take, and then he doubled it when his thumb began to rub circles on the pearl of your clit. Your cries and mewls fed him all the pleasure he could ever chase in life, and it was all he really needed.

“God, you’re beautiful,” he said and continued his ministrations on your neck. He kissed from your collarbone all the way to bottom of your ear, pushing himself deep in you the entire time, and pulled on the lobe slightly with his teeth. “Say my name, darlin’. Don’t ever stop.”

You could barely find his name sitting on your tongue, swearing you saw stars as he fucked you so passionately and wonderfully. “Sam,” you changed to the ceiling and everyone else who could hear you. “Oh, fuck, Sam, you’re - oh, god!”

Your body felt like it was on fire as his hips began to stutter ever so slightly, your heels digging into his back and nails like fire against his shoulders. There was so much happening you had trouble keeping track of it all; his quickening thrusts against you, hips ramming against yours, the kisses and hickies being littered across your neck, his hand caressing and groping your breast, his other thumb playing with your clit, your -

“Oh, fuck!” you cried. Your lower body created the knot signaling your release and pulled it loose all at once, giving you no warning before you let go. Your orgasm riddled you defenseless and ripped a strangled shout from your throat, and it propelled Sam forward like nothing else had before.

He moaned deeply against your neck while he pumped you through your orgasm, chasing his own, which wasn’t far behind. His head lifted just inches from your own as he started to huff and puff, cheeks painted vermillion and eyes rimmed with something almost animalistic it drove you wild. Groans racked his body and he gave just a couple more deep, soul-reaching thrusts before pulling out with every ounce of self-restraint he had. He came just in time across your heaving stomach, eyes fluttering closed so gracefully you swore he was prettier than any famous artwork or statue you had ever seen.

Sam collapsed on top of you, resting himself between your legs, and nuzzled his face in the valley of your breasts. Your fingers feebly carded through his hair, which sent a racing shiver down his spine, and looked down to grab one of his hands and interlace your fingers with his.

Oh, what a night this had been. Perhaps you liked when Sam became jealous.