#literally i cant even say whats been on my mind
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reunioninn · 1 year ago
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i have. absolutely nothing sfw to say my brain has been sexpilled all day and i think ill just chuck my thoughts onto my sideblog
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ganondoodle · 8 months ago
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it might seem like im just a totk hater, and to be fair, i AM, but its not bc i think its bad in every way- if it was all bad, ok, then its all bad and we can forget it happened and can all accept that-
but totk specifically hit the jackpot of -things that frustrate me so much i cannot let go and need to talk about it-
its part of my current hyperfixation (or whatever is the right word), botw is one of my all time favorite games, and that one had so many mysteries i was DEEPLY invested in, its got great music and some absolutely fanatstic moments, some ideas are great to fine, but it doesnt make sense, i hate time travel like little else in games, it constantly contradicts itself, the franchise, even its previous game its supposed to be a sequel to, i felt like i was made fun of by the game itself, for caring so much about what they had set up or done in botw, the moment i saw what they did to the shrine of life i felt so devasted i could hear people pointing and laughing at me for having cared about it, the writing treating me like i am so brainless i cannot connect dot one and two when there are only two dots in front of me labeld 1 and 2 that it then tells me to connect directly, to my face, multiple times, before showing me how to draw a line, its full, so SO FULL of missed opportunities, its got choices in there that are just nothing but frustrating bc there were a hundred other ones, i can see what you could do wit hthe basic ideas, theres people that worship it to a point you cant say anything even mildly critical, even about objectively bad things (there is no excuse for that godawful arrow menu) bc they will jump at you like a rabid animal-
i could go on but you get the point, never in my life has anything hit me like that
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cisthoughtcrime · 2 months ago
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#ok but fr marking undergrad essays is such a rollercoaster#i gave two very high marks today and was genuinely impressed and then the next three i marked were practically incoherent#one just copy and pasted their intro instead of writing a conclusion. like it's verbatim the same paragraph#i dont mark down for minor grammar and syntax errors because there's a high rate of ESL students...#... but some of the papers from native english speakers have me more concerned about functional illiteracy than I've ever been#these are 19-20yos in a humanities field at a top university! even the highest scoring essay had basic basic grammar errors and vocab misuse#at least i could tell what the student was trying to say there but some of the others...#if your punctuation and spelling and syntax are all so bad that i literally cant tell what you're trying to say there is a serious problem#even setting aside how many errors like these there were there's the flip side of the issue: actually writing an essay#the last one i marked yesterday had no structure or thesis or secondary sources#everything between the intro and conclusion was the same claim phrased in different ways with some irrelevant non sequitur quotes thrown in#no analysis other than the words 'analysis of this shows' which is *gasp* not a substitute for analysis#OH AND OMG#one made a direct claim about a figure's political stance and attached a footnote. i went to see what the student's source was.#the footnote literally said something like 'i know i should have a source here but it's only context and i don't want to waste my word count#like what???? do you think claims about relevant context don't need evidence??? and the audacity to not give a citation...#... and claim it's because it would take too many words away from your main argument??#just providing the actual citation for the claim would have been 3-5 words max but the footnote about not having room was 30 words#kid do you think i can't tell that you dont have that citation? do you think anyone's buying that you didn't include it to save space?#it's the very first footnote and most of the others are full-length bibliography entries jammed into the footnotes (which we don't require)#so either you were 'worried about space' at the first footnote then changed your mind as you wasted 250 words on unnecessary formatting#or you were over the word limit and were like 'gotta cut something!' and the only footnote you 'simplified for space' was a short basic one#^assuming i believed you. which i dont. because why would you think that would fool anyone.#i still have half the essays left. im tired and so disappointed in how little we're told we should expect from them
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jrueships · 4 months ago
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im going into my new work tomorrow, first time ever😐
#i was supposed to go in yesterday but um#so basically i did whatever training i was never even aware existed on a platform i was never told of#which has progress for every lil step i do so my manager literally could see i hadnt even logged on n couldve warned me any time#but never did 4 some reason. like even a days notice like heyyy have u gotta blah done n not as im abt to exit to work#BUT ANYWAYS so i tell her i got it done n shes like awesome i make new schedule (since she said we have 2 completely rid the old one#i dont get an update until 4 days later. all she did was add THREE training days (im supposed to have 6 cus it's a hard job)#on TOP of my old schedule. so i have 3 days i know are training days and then a solo day bcs that solo day was going off my old schedule#so it's like. which days do i go on then. bcs u said i cant come in at all bcs we'll have to make a completely new schedule#and then the new schedule is just. 3 added days. on top of my old one#sunday i was scheduled for training & there was No trainer scheduled with me. it was just me#sunday wasnt one of the 3 new days added. it was from the old schedule she literally told me to ignore#n then all a sudden today i get an email from someone who was supposed to be training me (name not even on the schedule tho)#n shes like hey im in the building are u lost or smthing :)?' mind u im asleep . so she probably thot she was wasting her time for a good hr#i emailed her an apology n an explanation but UGH r u fucking serious?? IF I KNEW THAT WAS A (NEW) TRAINING DAY I WOULDVE WENT#I JUST WANT TO GET USED TO THIS NEW THING & IT'S JUST GETTING FUCKED LIKE I DONT EVEN HAVE A BADGE YET BRO#like i was suspicious of going in sunday bcs it wouldve lined up nicely with the 3 added training days#but manager TOLD me she was adding a whole new training schedule! i double check n all she added were THREE days! thats it!#how was *i* supposed to know sunday was supposed to be 1 of those days when ive been staying at home ignoring the schedule u said 2#BCS U SAID 2. AND ALSO. THERE WAS NO TRAINER ON THE SCHEDULE.#even tho the drive is far. i wouldve driven up there today to see if i could shadow if i had known there was someone to shadow there#bcs even if i was wrong abt the day 2 come in at least i wouldnt waste my time but i didnt even know if there was someone there with a#trainer title. so i just missed a day i didnt even know i rlly had. FOR NOTHING. UGHH. I FEEL SO STUPID. I HATE MISCOMMUNICATION#im so scared of coming in now. sverybodys gonna think im dum n what if i have issues training then theyre gonna be like#we spent all this time on bro n he had all this time 2 prepare n he still sucks like damn we should just give up#i would 2 but i hate not seeing things to completion so. ugh. hate it here. idk what 2 say. EMBARRASSING#i hate miscommunications i hate feeling stupid
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s0fter-sin · 8 months ago
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Thinking you shouldn't have to pay for Watcher content is you being entitled, actually.
did i ever say i shouldn’t have to pay for it? no, i said it’s disappointing that i would now have to after years of it being free. it would be easier to take if they were completely changing and upgrading their shows or established that the stream wouldn’t just have their current shows and maybe discontinued ones, that it would be different from their youtube channel and worth the sudden charge, but it’s hard not to feel like they’re throwing their audience under the bus
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xxlethal-lunaxx · 9 months ago
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If anyone relates to this even just a little bit, then I'm so sorry.
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#• luna lavinchi speaking •#living with cptsd#cptsd vent#complex ptsd#diet culture trauma#monsters inside me#toxic health culture#ex vegitarian/vegan#emotional flashbacks#health documentaries#dark side of veganism#i should have never been forced to watch these as a child..my mind wasn't ready to understand the information nor tell what was real or not#-i cant try sushi or even think about fish without feeling physically sick and dizzy. i haven't had McDonald's since i was like 6ish years-#-old..i never wanted to share this information but i need to vent. I feel embarrassed and rude for not liking a food chain that most of the#-population does. Smelling or seeing McDonald's makes me wanna puke so bad because of everything those documentaries would say.#I will never be able to eat McDonald's in my life because of how sick and terrified i feel when thinking about the food even the drinks-#-scare the shit out of me. I'm so pissed that I'm triggered. All of the sudden i smell something in the house that smells like McDonald's-#-then the memories come flooding back and i feel like puking so back so i cant even eat dinner. i know this may seem stupid but i am-#-genuinly scared. Im tired of this shit and tired of feeling alone in this.#(anyway sorry. if you read my vent then i appreciate you)#tw food talk#tw diet culture#tw vent in tags#(dont even get me started on parasites cause thats a whole fucking trauma itself. damn it i hate it all. i hate it so much)#(also note: my therapist made me feel so validated weeks ago when i told her during my session that i was traumatized by monsters inside me-#-she literally knew the name of the show before i could even say its name. and she said she also cant watch it and that she saw it as an-#-adult who doesn't have ocd. so she told me she can't even imagine how terrified i was to watch it as a child who was developing ocd.-#-therapist W)
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lesbicastagna · 3 months ago
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had a realization while driving and iwanted to crash the car. God
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bucephaly · 2 months ago
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I keep seeing posts of people saying that a term transphobes stole and are using incorrectly to be transphobes is a Horrible Transphobic Term and Anyone who uses it is transphobic and it's Not Real and Entirely Not True when it's literally an actual anthropological term that has studies about it and is actually very useful for Everyone to think about, cis and trans, and be critical of. I hate seeing people respond to dumb hate by entirely writing off everything even remotely connected to the twisted shit bigots use when the shit the bigots are stealing and twisting is still like... a thing?
#how are assigned genders a thing but 'i was raised as a girl and im trans' isnt ?#like thats what socialization is. i was raised as my assigned gender#its not something that i Am. im not Female Socialized. i was [past tense] raised as a girl#and so raised with certain biases that i cant even put into words cuz they are subtle. but still are something i am learning to be watchful#of and shit?#but guess what? i have spent more of my conscious life being socialized as a man since i came out at 14.#socialization is literally just the way others treat you based on perceived social categories like gender#and obviously not everyone was socialized the same ?? its not smth that applies to everyone at all ??#so if it doesnt apply to you then just... dont use it!#but it can be useful for some people sometimes#and its useful for cis people too!!#a cis woman can remind herself that she was raised encouraged to take up less space and so move to counteract that#like fuck idk. i see posts like 'im on the train and a family is across from me#and the little boys are playing and shit but the little girl is being told 'you cant sit like that because youre wearing a skirt'#so she isnt able to play as roudy as her brothers because shes wearing a skirt and certain 'manners' comes with that“#like. THATS socialization its just a bunch of little stuff like that#a cis man can remind himself that he is allowed to express emotions and be vulnerable even after being raised being told that#'boys dont cry' etc like. idk its a very subtle thing and its just messy and cultural and social#and not easy to describe or study#but there are studies of adult participants asked to play with toddlers#in a room of toys. and they encourage toddlers in dresses to play with dolls and toddlers in overalls to play with trucks#and were told afterwards that the toddlers names and clothing was 'switched'#so these adults who thought they were so open minded realized how biased they still were etc etc etc#its super super subtle shit#'i was bullied for being queer' does not mean you were never socialized ? like. that in itself is socialization#and socialization is a term useful for more than just gender and shit id say. like i was sorta raised in a certain culture#and thats the socialization im accustomed to. and so now as i reconnect to a different culture and enter these social spaces#im.learning a different way to present and go about things#idk idk idk i definitely do not agree with calling a random trans person socialized as their assigned gender or anything#i dont make assumptions about the way others have been raised but like. stop letting bigots poison actual real terms please.
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starsiide · 3 months ago
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if an artist says their turnaround time is usually a week and that they should be done with your specific commission by the end of the week, then goes nearly three weeks without saying something, is it OK to ask them for an update on your commission? I'm a bit torn on whether I should wait a whole month
#as someone who takes comms myself if i were me i would have sent an update after being unable to finish it within my turnaround time#just to be like hey heres what ive got so far sorry that this isnt the turnaround time i said it would be in my comms listing#but also im NOT them so 🤷 idk. literally anything could have happened and maybe they cant even use their phone right now#i dont wanna send them an email (even the very politely worded one ive been drafting) bc i dont want to be rude like at all#but also this person didnt get back to me for over a month when i first reached out to commission them so#im starting to see that for the red flag it was#and not like. a sign that they just have so many commissions to do. because it doesnt take long to send an email that says#'sorry im a bit too busy with other comms right now to take yours/work on yours'#i wouldnt have been mad. i would have either waited to comm them or taken my business elsewhere#i also wanna be clear i dont mind long turnarund times ive waited literal months for a comm with no complaints#its just the fact that they promised to finished it (completely unprompted) and then havent... said ANYTHING for WEEKS that seems sus to me#its crossed my mind i may have been scammed since they havent shown me anything more than a sketch#edit: part of the im really regretting comming them is because ive already waited a month to even like finish the TAKING my comm process#since they randomly didnt email me back for weeks right as we were finalizing the details#like i waited a LONG time to even be like 'are you still taking my comm?' bc in my head i was like#'they must have other comms that they havent mentioned (totally valid btw) if i wait the queue will be clear'#and then... yea idk i just dont think that was the case if their turnaround time is actually a week#which is a really short turnaround time anyway imo theyre making it too hard on themself#(funnily enough i have the same turnaround time which is why i know it can be challenging to do it in a week but its also completely doable)#anyway back to the fact i probably got scammed. their 'sketch' though i didnt wamna say it looked VERY much like#they just traced my concept sketch#which 😰
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lycanthian · 11 months ago
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i need to fuckign explode
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kameonerd566 · 7 months ago
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#i have a rant but it doesn't need to be seen so its going in the tags- like i need to get it out but like it doesn't need to be 'loud' yo?#*yk?#also sidenote my emoji keyboard updated so there's probably gonna be a lot of typos#i seriously cant believe my eyes when it comes to some of the hate online#like#i just blocked a good dozen people because they were just so--- mean spirited? i mean i guess its no surprise there's trolls on the internet#but these ppl are not trolls they just genuinely have these hateful opinions. and that's fine. thats why I'm whispering in my tags because#like it really is fine they're not doing anything wrong. but i just cant bwlelievw my eyes#how can people just so profoundly misunderstand others? and then yell about it so loudly like they're the the most righteous voice?#especially on the internet. i think a lot of times we forget that we only see a tiny little window into what a person is really like.#we will never know the whole story of who someone is or what they've been through in a parasocial format. hell even in a real life format.#it just boggles my mind#i cant imagine the amour of strength it must take to be bullied your whole entire life- as a child and teen and now as an adult creator.#thats insane#and then to have people constantly demanding that you step back into the ring#as if they've never made a mistake before - as if they're anger as a stranger on the internet is some sort of divine right#i just wow#complete opposite energy of the boop button#we need more boop buttons#metaphorically and literally- we need to push more buttons that say 'i love you' that say 'i don't know who the fuck you are or what you've#been through jut i see you and i love you'#what if we all just held hands#ugh#i guess you could call this rant 'baby's first time seeing an anti tag'#ughhhhh
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acanthemp3 · 7 months ago
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finally got brave enough to check my final grades for the semester and on the bright side i passed the class i for sure thought i would fail. but also i failed the class i thought for sure i was going to pass. and i thought i was doing better but im genuinely spiraling over this
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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teruthecreator · 2 years ago
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spent all of work watching season 2 of mp100 and livetexting it to hartley and yeahhhh. season 2 is still my favorite season out of all three despite the back-to-back agony of the mogami and separation arcs
#ignorance cloud on#i just love seeing mob develop his own identity and like. genuinely make change! and everyone around him is doing it too#and w the world domination arc its just so fucking cool to see everyone band together and u can literally see With Your Eyes how mob#has impacted all of these people's lives by how they fight and strategize and defend mob#ALSO REIGEN!!!!!!! MY GOD HIS CHARACTER ARC IS SO GOOD IN SEASON 2#end of separation arc literally makes me cry every time#ive watched it twice now and even tho i KNOW whats happening i still cant help but cry#as reigen says 'youve really grown up' FOLLOWED SHORTLY AFTER W MOB CALLING REIGEN A GOOD PERSON#ITS LIKE. UGH. UGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i texted this to hartley in my teary haze but i love that part especially#because for a while i think reigen believed the only way he could securely become Somebody was through fame or infamy#which is why he didnt mind being a shady guy if it meant climbing the socio-economic ladder faster#but even he was getting bored w his own tricks until MOB SHOWED UP#and from that moment forward reigen BECAME somebody. he was somebody to MOB#AND HE WAS MAKING A DIFFERENCE TO MOB#and during the press conference reigen finally realizes like. hes been doing all of this for mob. bc he cares abt mob#and he values mob's opinion above all else bc even under all his tricks he just wanted mob to think he was cool and important#bc he had never felt that before. and then when mob tells reigen hes a good person despite the lies and bullshit reigen REALIZES#THAT HES ALWAYS BEEN SOMEBODY. HE NEVER NEEDED FAME OR MONEY OR INFAMY OR ANYTHING#BC AS MUCH AS HE'S BEEN AFFECTED BY MOB. MOB HAS BEEN AFFECTED BY HIM#WHICH MEANS HE HAS IMPORTANCE AND HE'S MADE GREAT CHANGE AND IT DOESNT HAVE TO BE GLOBAL#IT CAN JUST BE THE CHANGE HE MAKES IN HIMSELF. AND TO SOMEONE ELSE.#AND THATS TRULY THE MOMENT I THINK LIKE. EVERYTHIGN CONNECTS#AND REIGEN REALIZES HE CANT LIVE HIS LIFE WITHOUT HIS LITTLE SIDEKICK AND HES SO PROUD AND#AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH REIGEN ARATAKA FATHER OF THE YEAR....#anyway. ahem. if i had to rank seasons from favorite to least favorite itd be: 2 1 3
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tiredsadpeach · 2 years ago
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The urge to isolate and only talk to my family, my bf, and one other friend lmao
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modpoppy · 7 hours ago
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idk what the thing is called where no matter what you do people act like youre insane and weird and incompetent and annoying but it s the worst!!!!
me asking for input on a decision bc i know i will get made fun of for asking but its better that than making the wrong decision and getting made fun of
dont get an actual answer
me making a decision, specifically trying to leave myself open for multiple options later, and getting made fun of for not making The Obvious Decision
me getting upset bc i specifically asked for advice so i WOULDNT get made fun of
me being accused of deflecting blame and not taking responsibility for my (ill informed) decision that isnt even the Bad decision, just not the simplest
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