#literally had a breakdown over how rough life has been lately and how the rest of my life is going to be this fucking hard and miserable

[whatareyoudoingwithamaserati]

can my body let me catch a break puhLEASE

[thatshithurted8]

Out Of Character

Summary: In which JJ and the Pogues are left confused as to why you ran off with Barry’s money, but their worry only increases when they find you in a brand new hot tub at John B’s. 

Hey! I have another idea for a Jj imagine. What if the reader and jj are dating and instead of jj in the hot tub scene it’s the reader because her mom is abusing her. Requested by: @joshy-obx

Word Count: 2.1k 

Warnings: Mention of physical/verbal abuse, panic attack and injuries. 

Every member of the Pogues had their own respective roles, which made the group click so well. Kie was the mom of the group, always scolding the boys for doing something stupid while simultaneously giving out amazing advice. Pope was the smart and logical one, and despite him being the only one out of the group with a promising future he would do anything for his friends. John B was seemingly the leader of the five teenagers and he was known as being strong willed. He could get things done no matter what the risks were. JJ was the smart ass, but also the one who always got the group into trouble. No one could really relax around JJ as he was always causing trouble. And lastly there was you. Your role in the group was being the strong and optimistic one. When things got rough you were always the first one to look at the bright side, in fact none of the Pogues have ever seen you cry. 

So when you seemingly acted on pure impulse and adrenaline the rest of the Pogues were shocked and at a lack of words seeing you get defensive for stealing Barry’s money, causing you to ultimately run off with it. It wouldn’t be until later that night that they would understand the reasoning behind your actions. 

When you ran off naturally the Pogues searched for you since you were acting so out of character. However, JJ was the most worried. You two have been dating for the past year and have been friends for the last five. Over the years you and JJ have gotten extremely close so it alarmed him to see you act out. 

The four remaining Pogues plus Sarah all split up to look for you. Sarah and John B went together while Pope and Kie went off on their own as well. JJ went off by himself, making sure to check every spot he knew you would go to like where you guys went on your first date or where JJ would find you after you had a rough day at home and you needed to clear your head. Despite the groups efforts they couldn’t find you. 

Obviously JJ wasn’t going to give up on looking for you, but he hadn’t eaten since breakfast that morning so he found himself walking up to the chateau. As he steps foot on the property the whole yard is illuminated by fairy lights strung throughout the trees. 

He furrows his eyebrows in confusion, none of that stuff was there when they left this morning. The blonde rounds the corner and his heart drops when he sees you sitting in a brand new hot tub. 

“Y/N?” He calls out while walking over to you, his hunger being completely forgotten. 

“Yoo I’ve been waiting for you to get here!” You exclaim as your eyes fall onto your boyfriends figure. 

“What is all this?” The blonde asks reaching the hot tub while looking around at his surroundings. 

“I decided to get something nice for my family for once.” You slur. JJ looks around the hot tub and notices beer cans in the cup holders and some were even floating in the warm water. 

“Y/N you can’t be serious right? You stole money from a drug dealer and spent it on a fucking hot tub! He’s going to kill you.” JJ stresses, but you simply roll your eyes. 

Just as JJ was about to open his mouth to give you another lecture your attention moves to find the sound of a car door being shut. A smile appears on your face when you see your best friends Kie and Pope start to walk over to you two after Kie locked the car. 

“Hey what’s up guys!” You exclaim raising your arms above your head like a referee calling a field goal. 

“What the hell Y/N?” Kie asks as her and Pope make it over to JJ’s side who had his arms crossed over his chest and a furrow deep in his brow. Pope and Kie looked at JJ confused, but he only answered with a shrug, he was out of the loop as much as they were.

“I was hoping you guys would be coming! Hey look at this.” You say pressing a few buttons causing a disco ball above you that none of the Pogues noticed before to start spinning and the jets in the hot tub to splash upwards. 

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion when your friends don’t look amazed by the cool features in front of them. With that being said you really wanted to impress them and have them join you so with a swig of your beer you start to press random buttons hoping something cool would happen. 

“What the hell did she do?” Pope asks turning to JJ. 

“I don’t know man it was like this when I got here.” 

Kiara turns around to try and convince you to get out of the hot tub so they can understand what the hell happened and why you seemingly had a breakdown, but the sound of the screen door opening and closing causes you all to look over at the chateau. Your younger brother and sister run down the steps of the porch and race each other to the hot tub. This only causes JJ, Pope and Kie to become even more confused. It was a known fact that you didn’t allow the two kids to be out this late. After all you’ve been practically raising them since you were ten. 

“Y/N our movie finished can we come in?” Your brother Braxton asks dipping his hand into the warm water while your sister, Moira gave you puppy dog eyes.  

“Of course!” You exclaim while giggling, causing your siblings to turn around and race back into the chateau giggling, to get changed into their bathing suits. 

“Uh Y/N shouldn’t they be in bed?” Kie asks once the rambunctious kids were back inside and out of ear shot. 

“Who cares? My mom and step dad don’t and my dad doesn’t either so why should I?”

“What do you mean your dad doesn’t care?” JJ asks, the last time he checked your dad was living on the main land with your step mom and you guys were welcome to stay with him when ever. 

You simply roll your eyes and take another gulp of beer before throwing the now empty can somewhere in the yard. “I was going to ship Brax and Mo off to see my dad.” You slur while saying your siblings nicknames. 

“But when I called him all I got was voice mail. He says that we can come and visit when ever, but he doesn’t mean it. He’s too happy with his new family and we’d just ruin everything.” You recall sitting back into the warmth and jets of the tub while allowing your legs to float up, your toes poking out of the water. 

“Who cares right? Now we have this sick hot tub!” 

“You could’ve still got them plane tickets!” JJ exclaims, Kie cutting him off right after, “Or you could’ve donated the money to literally any charity!” 

“Or even give Barry the money back, he’s going to kill us you guys!” Pope stresses looking at everyone in the group. 

Annoyed with your boyfriend’s and best friends critiques to your actions you stand up quickly, water falling off of your body. “Well I didn’t okay! I spent the money on something my friends - no something my family can enjoy so if you guys are going to keep on judging me and my fucking decisions then leave!” 

Chills run up JJ’s spine at your speech and how your torso looked when you finally stood up. Along your stomach, especially around your rib cage were dark bruises and a few cuts. As Kie and Pope realize the damage done to your body as well, the yard falls silent except for the sound of crickets and the hot tubs jets. 

“Y/N.” JJ says softly stepping closer to the edge of the hot tub. He was filled with anger, knowing exactly who did this to you, but all he wanted to do was comfort you the same way you do when he endures a beating. 

Neither you or JJ notice Kie and Pope scurrying to the chateau’s porch to bring Braxton and Moira back inside who just came back out, clad in their swim suits. 

“It’s fine J.” You say, tears welling up in your eyes. 

Your boyfriend kicks off his boots and socks before stepping into the hot tub, not caring that his cargo shorts and the contents in the pockets were now wet. He wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you towards your chest. Once your cheek makes contact with his shirt you let the emotions that you have held in for so long out. 

JJ knew your home life wasn’t ideal, but he didn’t know it was this bad. You have always been so strong. Even when he would meet you at your special spot in the boneyard when you were having a rough night you never even implied that you were getting physically abused. Yes, he knew your coked up mom and step dad were both verbally abusive which was still horrible he had no idea things have gotten physical. A part of JJ felt as if he let you down since he had no inkling as to what was happening to you when you were at home, causing a part of his heart to break especially knowing you have been there bandaging up his cuts and scrapes from his father while your own bruises and injuries were healing themselves. 

“I just wanted to be a good sister for once and get them out of there, but it didn’t work nothing ever works.” 

“Hey hey look at me.” JJ says pulling back and holding your face in his large hands. “You are a great sister to Braxton and Moira. Without you they would have nothing. You are the best thing that has happened to them and they love you so much.” 

You simply look into your boyfriends eyes with tears falling down your face. Seeing you like this made JJ’s heartache. “You know that right?” He asks to make sure since you didn’t look too convinced from what he said. 

In all honesty you knew how much your siblings valued and loved you, but life was tough. You never signed up to be Moira’s and Braxton’s primary caregiver, especially at such a young age. Nonetheless you had to do what you had to do, you had to play with the cards you were dealt. However, at this point you were so tired. So tired of playing mom, balancing school, searching for the gold and being the brunt of the physical and verbal abuse from your mom and step dad. You wanted to give up, but the way JJ looked at you made you realize that you couldn’t.

Nodding your head yes you let out another sob before pulling JJ closer to you. 

- 

JJ walks out of his bedroom where you were currently sleeping, and he makes sure to close the door behind him quietly. He walks down the hallway into the living room where he found Kie, Pope, John B and Sarah. The rooms atmosphere felt tense as all the teenagers were concerned and worried for you. 

The blonde was successful in calming you down and getting you out of the hot tub after your emotional moment. He ran you a bath and bathed you while your body continued to tremor from the after shock of your panic attack. While he dried you off and bandaged your injuries John B and Sarah returned, confused as the other Pogues just an hour before. Kie explained to the couple what happened as Pope tiptoed out of John B’s room where Braxton and Moira were sleeping, he just got them to fall asleep. 

“How is she?” Sarah asks quietly, worry evident all over her face once she see’s JJ walk into the room. The rest of the Pogues look up at the blonde expectantly. 

“She’s as good as she can be right now.” JJ says quietly while walking over to the screen door where his boots were. The four teenagers watch him as he slips them on. 

“Where are you going?” John B asks.

“If Y/N wakes up tell her I’ll be back soon.” JJ says ignoring John B’s question before opening the door and walking down the steps of the front porch. 

JJ was going to make sure that your step dad and mom never laid a finger on you or your siblings ever again. 

- 

Question of the day: What is your “role” in your friend group? 

[em0avacado]

Only You

( Angel Reyes x Reader )

trigger warnings : none i think, guys being dudes, soft at the end. Language maybe.

word count : 2.1k ish

You were difficult to figure out, that was one thing you knew very well. You’d grown up around teenage boys all your life, being rough, chaotic and careless is all you knew. It’s who you were. Everyone knew that, but what no one knew? Was that you very, very capable of having a soft spot for someone. It was rare, when you were in highschool you swore to yourself there wouldn’t be another man you’d let close to your heart, and you were doing so well being, well, that bitch™, that when you met Angel Reyes, it threw you off, horribly so. You didn’t know how to handle it, you saw him, and you wanted to make sure he was taking care of himself, which, was likely that he wasn’t. It only got worse when you and him quickly became the best of friends. For some reason, when you started liking him a little more than the rest of your friends, you were lost, so unfamiliar with any emotions, having shut that out eons ago. Somehow, you’d worked it out in your head that you had to be more mean to him than the rest of them.

You had come home late from work one night, you were exhausted, and very much irritated when you heard rustling and noise behind your door. Nearly groaning, you shoved the key in your door and let yourself in, clearly, the boys had done the exact same who knows how long ago. You dropped your bag, and keys on the table before wandering into the very noisy living room where Angel, Ez, Coco, and Gilly were sat on your couch, feet up, beer in hands. Clearing your throat was what caught their attention, their cheers of excitement hurting your pounding head. They looked happy, and relaxed. You wouldn’t admit it but that was your favourite thing to see. Except, Angel. He didn’t look impressed.

“well look who decided to show up.” he said with an unimpressed tone, causing you to roll your eyes.

“Yeah, sorry I came home late to guests I didn’t invite over.” you muttered, pulling your coat off and setting it aside. “next time i’ll let the boss know I can’t take the last shift there might be a bunch of weird men in my home.”

“you sure it was just a late work shit? You not fucking your boss?” he asked with a hint of.. something? In his tone. Who the hell did this man think he was? Rolling your eyes once again, you didn’t have the patience to fight with Angel tonight, you’d said your boss was attractive once in response of him gushing over some girl at Vicky’s and he hasn’t let it go since.

“Why? You jealous?” you asked, and very quickly got a reaction, he got defensive.

“No.” he nearly spat “why would I be jealous of your boss?” his arms crossed over his chest. The rest of them watched with wide eyes. Except Coco, who was too invested in Tiger King.

“Because you want to fuck me.” you said blatantly, he, and Gilly, choked on their beers as Angel quickly tried to regain himself.

“I do not!” he protested, coughing and wiping at his face.

“mhm.” you hummed, pushing off your boots and heading off to the back, wanting to just have a shower before getting comfortable for the night, hoping to forget, even for just a moment, that there was a bunch of home invaders in your living room. Just as you were shutting your bedroom door, you heard mumbles and a then very clear conversation.

“You wanna fuck [Y/N]?” Gilly asked Angel, Ez could only laugh, he knew his brother, he knew he did.

“no.” grumbled Angel.

“Isn’t that kind of gay?” asked Coco. “I mean - she’s one of us, she’s literally beat you up, she’s a bro. That’d be like fucking me.” You snorted at that, of course he’d say that shit. Always. “Isn’t she.. a lesbian?”

Next you heard “Oh shit I thought she was too.” from Gilly.

“She’s not a lesbian! She thinks Bucky Barns is hot, she’s said she wants him to crush her head with that metal arm of his.” Said Ez, you heard Angel huff like a child.

Great, you thought to yourself, now you have a living room full of idiots trying to figure out your sexuality. You grabbed a towel, rolling your eyes at your friends, and went for your shower. Washing away the days stress, replacing the stench of oil and hard work with your signature cucumber, aloe vera scent. You settled on a thick sweater and plaid pj shorts before heading back into the living room where you expected to see the rest of your friends, now more ready to deal with them until you went to bed, but when you saw no one, you grabbed a water and headed to sleep.

The next few days were an endless series of hectic, and tiresome hours put into work, every day something went wrong. You hadn’t been so close to having a total breakdown in forever, but the weight on your shoulders felt so heavy. You couldn’t wait to go home, you had the next two days off and you couldn’t wait but dream of catching dreams and nothing but that. But when you got to your door, it was unlocked. Pulling the gun from your waist, you cocked it and raised it as you entered, only to find Angel at your table with his head in his hands. Setting down your things, you locked the door behind you and shed your work clothes.

This was a routine whenever either one of you had a particularly hard day, you turned to one another, despite the endless banter, you two easily fell into being each other’s safe haven. You deemed it to be because you understood each other, like best friends did, it worked. At some point, though, you’d began to fall for Angel and you had no idea how to deal with it.

“am I okay to shower?” you asked softly, crouching down beside where he sat, running a gentle hand over his head. He aches for your affections, even the slightest of your touches calmed the man, but he knew that you had to be the one to instigate it. You hated physical contact, it was rare you trusted, let alone liked someone enough to let them touch you. You were picky with it. Angel respected that, though he did sometimes want to just pull you into a hug when his world was spinning, yet he didn’t. You saw it in the way that he involuntarily followed your hand that it was a hard day for him, when he nodded, you gently squeezed his shoulder. “okay, take off your kutte and boots and go lay in bed, i’ll be there after, okay?” when he nodded again and began to move, you headed off to the bathroom quickly to rinse off.

Not all that long after, you’d met him in your room, like you promised. You wore pj shorts, and a tank, he was in his wife beater and boxers. You climbed in, and lifted the comforter wordlessly, inviting him in. He quickly settled against you, his face laid against your chest. You trailed your fingers over his back, drawing soft shapes on his skin a mark that didn’t stain much more than his mind. You both laid in a comfortable silence, his hands were secured at his sides, eventually yours sat in his hair, playing with the short strands as he listened to your heart beat. He never thought he’d be more thankful for someone else’s beating heart.

“Do you like Bucky Barnes more than you like me?” he asked, breaking the silence after a while. You furrowed your brows slightly and looked at him. You saw his glassy brown eyes staring right back at you. Your heart melting at the sight.

“Angel, Bucky is a fictional character.” you answered simply.

“So you do.” he said in disappointment, sighing. Jealousy hung heavy over his head, perhaps it wasn’t just that, perhaps he had an exceedingly difficult day. When he started pulling away from you, you wrapped your arms around his head and pulled him in, the gesture was.. sweeter and much more gentle in your head, but everyone knew you weren’t the most graceful, so you accidentally jabbed him not only in the eye, but also picked his nose for him. Dismissing the fact that you did that, you took his face in your hands and had him look to you.

“Bucky Barnes has nothing on you.” you said, doing your best to sound reassuring.

“What about his arm?” he asked, puppy eyes on full display. This man will be the end of you.

“I’d let you run over my head with your bike.” you told him, trialing your thumbs over his cheeks. Something inside you told you that there was a fine line between platonic and romantic, and that you’ve both bolted passed that line ages ago, in private, at least.

“you really mean that?” he asked yet another question, you knew you were playing into his ego but you could only give in to him.

“i do.” you said, yawning. He wrapped his arms around you again, and settled back down. Shutting his eyes. You had a few minutes at best before you were out, and Angel knew that once you started yawning, it only took a little while till you were out.

But the next morning, when you slowly started to come back to the world of the living, you heard Angel mumbled something into the phone. Being the nosy son of a bitch you were, you listened in. “I don’t know, man. All I know is that if I don’t leave now, I don’t think I ever will. She doesn’t see me the way I see her, I can’t force this on her, I’ll lose her for good and I’d rather have her as a friend, but I can’t lose her. On god little brother I can’t.” he mumbled, and you felt your chest heat up. He was talking about you. To Ez. Shutting your eyes again for a moment, you took a deep breath and climbed out as you heard him rustling around. You grabbed one of the blankets, surrounding yourself with it to try to warm back up after your toes were kissed by the cold. You headed out of the room, your toes padding against the hard wood floor. You’d caught him in the middle of opening the door, and talking to Ez still.

“Please don’t leave.” You said, your voice soft, almost timid. Angel turned around, looking at you all wide eyed.

“Wh - huh?” he looked at you dumbfounded.

“Come back to bed, I’m cold.” you said, clutching the blanket tighter.

“[Y/N], I - I have to go.” he responded, fumbling with the phone in his hand as Ezekiel yelled at him to get his head out of his ass on the line.

“You’re an idiot.” You quickly shuffled closer to him, letting go of your grasp on the blanket, you reached up, cupping his face in your hands and you lead him closer to you. Looking into his eyes, you felt his hot breath brush against your face, taking a second to really look at him before connecting your lips to his in a soft kiss. This was definitely crossing the friendship line, but he was intoxicating. “Don’t leave now. Don’t leave ever.” you said when your lips parted for air. Your eyes on him, all you heard was his heavy breathing, and the cheering on the other end of the phone.

The sight of you right then and there let Angels heart melt into puddle, he hadn’t seen it before but you looked at him like he was the world, and he was, he was your world, even though you’ve quite literally sucker punched him in the stomach for taking your last cheese bun.

“So she’s not a lesbian right?” you heard Coco ask everyone.

“Coco I’m gonna beat your fucking ass.” you said, grabbing the phone before hanging up. “but first imma eat yours.” you tried to say in a serious voice, but the moment Angels face twisted in disgust, you lost it.

“Way to ruin the moment.” he groaned.

“You want me to bring the moment back?” you asked, raising a brow at him when he nodded. You reached up, brushing back his hair, taming the bed head ever so slightly, you brought your hands down to his beard, scraping your nails gently against it as you brought your lips back to his. “give me another kiss then, baby.” your voice drawled out softly, meeting his lips in a soft, yet passionate kiss.

Taking his hand after a few moments, you pulled him back to the bedroom, he was completely caught in a trance. So, as you walked, you set his phone aside, you pushed off his kutte and tossed it on the couch, you unbuttoned his flannel and tossed it on a close by chair. “Are you trying to fuck me?” he asked, bewildered.

“No, not right now.” you chuckled softly. “I want to lay with you, I want your warmth, and your smiles, and your laughter when I tell you some stupid joke, I want your arms around me. I want to hold you. Only you. Let me feel safe in your arms because I don’t anywhere else.” you admitted, pulling him into you. He looked like a lost puppy as you spoke, but then he fully dove into you, not wanting to look back.

“and after our nap? I’m making waffles.” you said in your donkey impression, making Angel roll his eyes. “Angel baby.. When we fuck I’m gonna moan like I think Donkey does when he and that dragon fuck, okay?” you ask, entirely serious.

“oh god please no.” he laughs, hiding his face in your chest.

Tag List :

@mayans-sauce

@queenbeered

@lilacyennefer

[ozzy-bozzy]

“I know, baby. I know..”

Dabi x reader

desc. You have a rough time late at night

genre. Its has a sort of fluffy end but this is pure venting content.

warnings. cursing, self deprecation, insomnia, the inability to be comfortable in bed

word count. 1,456 words

A/N I had a rough night, and actually a rough reality recently. This is literally a vent fic, something I wrote to make myself feel better. This actually is almost a play by play for how my night went, from the switching positions to the comfort blanket. All except the comforting love of Dabi and a happy ending, that is. Dabi is a major comfort character, so that’s why it’s about him. Sorry if this is rlly depressing or concerning. I just needed an outlet to vent and I really wanted Dabi comfort. !! also sorry it get’s a little specific at times! I lost myself writing this !!

It was a little after midnight, Dabi laid next to you on his back, an arm wrapped around you with your head rested against his chest. His breathing was slow and steady, he had fallen asleep already. You hadn’t managed to fall asleep yet. You were too busy, too occupied with your own thoughts to even feel tired anymore. You stared into the nothingness of your dark room, nuzzling closer to his warm body. Everywhere but where you laid right now felt too cold to shift to before, but now that you were too painfully aware of the heat you started feeling uncomfortable. And the position just made you feel empty, or too used. 

You started realizing a lot of things in your life had become routine, and it made you feel sick. It made your head hurt, and it made you feel shitty because of how you let your everyday events blur together in a mess of nothing. You never did anything during the day, you were never productive. You slept in until almost noon, you went to bed in the early hours of the mornings, you eat way too much every day, you dream of projects and big successes yet can’t even manage to take care of yourself and do normal, daily hygiene tasks. 

You slowly began to pick yourself up off of Dabi, the blanket around you feeling cold. You untangled your legs from his, your hand dragging across his torso as you parted from him. He shifted slightly in his sleep due to the loss of contact but settled back down. You rolled over onto your other side. You curled up on yourself and had grabbed a small throw blanket from the floor. You didn’t need more heat, the coolness of the bed at night actually felt refreshing, but it was a comfort item and you felt the need for comfort right now. You tucked your hands in against your chest, your legs wrapped up in the heavy upper blanket. Your head nuzzled in against the plush pillow and you quietly sighed. 

Looking back on your previous thoughts you immediately scolded yourself. How could you be so harsh? Everyone is having a bad time right now. You remember that a lot of people are losing their sense of time, not being able to keep track of the days, and yet you still tell yourself how stupid you have to be to not be able to manage something as trivial as that. You have a sort of tug of war in your head, the new positioning somehow filling that emptiness you felt before, but you knew that wouldn’t last. It never does. It always creeps back into the comfort of your bed, the one place you feel safe and loved; comfortable. And yet you lay here, every night, letting it tear you to shreds. You never know why.

Your thoughts are interrupted by a strong arm wrapping around your middle, a messy head of hair coming to rest in the crook of your neck. He was warm against your back, and the heat from before felt comforting. It felt constant and still, unlike the thoughts running rampant through your head. 

“...why are you still awake, baby?” he mumbled into your skin. You just hummed and shifted a bit in response, burying the side of your face further into the pillow.  

“Are you okay..?” He asked after the beats of silence that followed his first question. The movement of your shoulders could have hardly been called a shrug, and you looked at him slightly. He shifted from your movements and picked his head up, looking at you properly.

“Baby what’s wrong?” His voice was rough and deep, the arm around your middle rubbing comfortingly on your skin. He slowly guided you to lay on your back. He was propped up next to you. 

“I... I don’t know. I wish I did but I don’t. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I have so many issues and I wish I was so fucking normal, I wish I was okay, I wish I was fucking fine but I’m not, and I can’t even get a good night’s rest, how fucked is that??” You bit your lip and sighed in defeat, rubbing your face with your hands. You felt your body tremble a bit and you mentally slapped yourself. You were not going to cry tonight, and not from something so stupid. 

“I feel useless. I feel fucking helpless. I can’t do anything right and when I finally let myself go and give myself a moment to splurge and indulge in my comforts it feels like they’re ripped away and I’m told how shitty I’m acting and how I can’t take care of myself. How everything I do for myself is ‘unhealthy’ or ‘messy and pointless’. And on top of it, all everyone else seems perfectly fine. I feel like I can’t even talk to anyone, hell I feel like I can’t even talk to my fucking therapist. She thinks I’m thriving and happy because I can never tell her how wrong I am because I’m so used to putting on a mask that when I go to talk to her I feel fine—“ Your ramble was interrupted by his hand squeezing your side. You’re happy he stopped you. You would have stopped you too. You wouldn’t let yourself keep going if you had the chance. You-

“Hey. Hey! Knock that off, baby I know you’re struggling but you have to stop getting so tangled up in your own words. I know you’re just spewing at the mouth right now, and that’s okay. But I want you to stop thinking about it or you’ll tear yourself apart. C’mere..” his hand slipped to the small of your back, pulling you against his warm body. Moments ago you found it uncomfortable and weird, but now it made you feel at home and loved. You felt safe being in his arms, pressed against him. You curled up to his chest, finding your surroundings feeling so cold now in comparison. 

“You know I’m always here for you. You know I’m here to make you feel better. We both have our struggles and never, never, will you be alone in them. I may not always know how you feel but I will never leave you to deal with those feelings alone” He kept his voice barely above a whisper, his head pressed against the side of yours. He was holding you as close as he could. You couldn’t tell if your body was trembling because of the cold or the feelings behind his words. You didn’t think it mattered.

“I’ve felt useless before, you know. I’ve thought ‘hey, what if the world was just better without me. What if I could actually do something right. Would someone be there to recognize it? Or would it just get lost in my head, left to get tangled up and ripped apart by my own twisted mind?” You curled up tighter against him, “But then you come in, and you shine brighter than the sun ever could. You show me everything is going to be okay, and I stop worrying, and baby—“ he stopped, pulling away slightly to press a passionate kiss to your lips, parting and resting his forehead to yours, “I want to be there for you. I want you to get wrapped up in my arms and all your toxic thoughts and whatever ails you is chased away” You swallowed roughly before tucking your head under his chin. 

You didn’t need to hear any more. Your tired brain swallowing up his words and mellowing out. You buried your head into the warm skin of his neck, focusing on the feeling. Effectively chasing away the cold, both in temperature and thoughts, you will yourself to eventually fall asleep in his arms, tangled up once again. He stayed awake this time, not slipping into a slumber until he knew you were okay. He was laid back on his back, you wrapped up even tighter in his arms. Instead of laying next to him with your head on his chest, you now laid on top of him with your nose buried in his neck. You couldn’t roll away from him now, and he would make sure you would be safe.

 You were always there for him during his breakdowns and times of need. You always made sure he was okay, and if he wasn’t you always found a solution. Sometimes temporary until a more permanent one could be found, but a solution nonetheless. He was determined to do the same for you.

You had not had such a good night of rest in awhile.

[seancekitsch]

Drew: Klaus Hargreeves x Reader Smut

Warning: canon talks of drugs/addiction, alcohol consumption, 80s movies, unprotected sex, two flawed people smangin

Little continuation of Prize Buck

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“But no— no! You never told me what you were like.” He almost laughs, or maybe he does. But it sounds more like a cough or a sob. That’s what drinking everclear will do to you. The liquor so strong it could tear the nail polish off both of your nails right now if you spilled it; the very bottle you were passing back and forth tonight. It was high time you bought one of these bottles of the strong shit. Klaus had been screaming in his sleep lately. You knew he had a good grasp on his abilities, even enough to conjure Ben long enough for you to see him half a minute. But sometimes in his sleep is when they got to him. Both of you had come to the conclusion if he got good and plastered he could probably sleep through the night without you waking up or having to soothe him and remind him to ground himself. Wine made him too handsy and he never actually got to sleep when he got his hands on you, beer made him feel full and sleepy before he was drunk enough to block them out. Liquor depended on the night, and if one of his siblings tried to stop by. Sometimes when they came by he could be tipsy and sleep without screaming; other times they seemed to exacerbate it without meaning to. So everclear was tonight’s test. It was like taking a razor to your esophagus, but he needed to find some way to control his abilities while he slept in his own way, in his own time.

You hadn’t really spoken about what life was like for you before meeting Klaus in the clinic. Sure, he knew the gist— disgraced anthropologist has a mental breakdown on amphetamines and ruins literal years of research for herself and six of her colleagues— but he didn’t know what your life was like. What you were like. For the past hour, you’ve been reminiscing on the circumstances in which your friendship formed. All the group therapy sessions you hadn’t taken seriously. The week where you were too sick and lethargic he spoon fed you soup and spilled most of it down your shirt. The good times.

“I guess I was cool. I- I don’t know. I really liked. Still like music. Got to touch a lot of old things. I only ended up in one magazine cover story.” Your fingers wrap around the bottle, grimacing at the smell before finishing, “Unlike you, Mr. Celebrity.”

You can hear the scoff come from beside you as glass comes to lips, warm liquor to tongue.

“Hey! Unfair. I was no Drew Barrymore. Plus, she never had to wear that mask in public.” He waits to continue until after you’ve swallowed and put it back down to continue talking, and runs his hand up your calf. You still had yet to buy any kitchen furniture, and Klaus kept swearing he would take some from the academy, so instead of the couch or mattress you sat on the counter, bare legs dangling against the lower cabinets while he leaned up next to you. The building had no air conditioning, and on a hot evening like this, the two of you had to clamber into the small kitchen to take in any of the breeze that the old and rusting window unit could provide. Hence, your bare legs. Shorts season struck early this year because even his family using time travel could not stop global warming.

“I bet you were one of the best. You’re smart, you’re always so modest” He says with an off handed flick of his wrist that ended with his fingertips catching on the neck of the bottle where yours also rested, “You know, you would have made a great Drew Barrymore.”

The shift in his tone tells you exactly what he’s thinking without even having to look in his eyes. Instead, your eyes had shifted to the neck of the bottle on the counter between you. It was amazing how even though you’d been carnal with your roommate, that he still sent shockwaves up your spine like you’d stuck a fork in a socket. It was hard not to focus and watch his hands as they traced patterns only he could see in the expanses of skin pulled taught around bone and muscle.

“You’re just saying that,” you chuckle.

“No, really,” his fingers travel up your own, reaching each knuckle and paying special attention to wiggle each ring on the way up, “ or at least we could have made a great Two Coreys. ‘Do all kinds of stuff, like fight vampire bikers to INXS, learn to drive a car, switch bodies with an elderly professor to impress the popular girl at school, go on a tropical vacation... doesn’t that all sound fun for us?”

“You forgot the one where they play brothers that swap partners at the organized crime ski lodge and there’s an alarming amount of horseback riding accidents,” you provide, challenging him and his pop culture knowledge. His eyes are sharp on you, gaze making you feel naked in his presence.

“Mmmmm, no. Just testing you,” Klaus hums, and the conversation dies in a way that’s comfortable. More the Notebook than Shakespeare, you note. But your roommate’s body doesn’t mimic the nonchalance of the words flowing away from you. He squeezes your knuckles before slipping the bottle from your loose grasp, taking it to the head as he shifts to turn himself more so that now his torso is pressed between your legs to face you. He is sweaty and shirtless, and you know your knees will peel off of him when you try to spread your legs further. Which, by the way he’s looking at you, they will be spreading further.

Everything about Klaus’ movements has this theatrical weight to it. Klaus is a big person, not in mass or size like his brother, but in the energy his movements cast. It’s like watching a production. His heart is no muscle, but the core of a planet drawing others into his orbit, compiling the cast of characters. His touch is magnetic and burning all at once, directing the action. As submissive as he can be, you’d be a marionette in his grasp if he asked of you. That being said, there’s beautiful choreography in the way he tilts the bottle back and gulps once, twice despite the burn. Commanding stage presence in the heavy fall of his arm followed by percussion when the glass bottle clangs on the counter just behind the curve of your ass. An unspoken monologue in his eyes as he leans down into you, snagging plump lips on your own.

He tastes fucking disgusting is your first thought, but that fades to more, more, more. You grab onto his shoulders, the sheen of sweat familiar and matching your own, and pull him in as close as you can. There’s a point when you get so close to a person you can pretend you’re one, but for now you’ll settle with scooting to the edge of the counter to press yourself up flush against him despite the heat. There’s a brief moment where he stops, but it’s only to help you out of your shirt. The damp thin material peels off of you and reveals your chest, then your skin reunites with his. His warm dog tags press into your chest, now their own form of a kiss, as your mouths meet again hungrier this time. His hands find purchase at your ass, glide all the way to the top of your denim shorts. It’s quick and easy the way his fingers slide to the front and up to cup your chest. The way he squeezes is rough, but not hard. He grasps at your skin like it was meant for him, and maybe it was. That wasn’t too far fetched to think with the way you responded to him. You moan in earnest into his mouth with each of his squeezes and the ministrations of his fingers.

Your hands travel from his biceps to his hair to his shoulder blades and repeat, tracing a route that makes his skin tingle despite the staleness of the room. He mumbles something against your teeth, something that sounds like ‘need you’ but you don’t need to understand what he said to know you and he both want your hands to travel south. Your fingertips kiss his chest, his nipples, his ribs, and then fall to the hem of his pants (your pants, some flimsy tie dyed things you bought at one of those woowoo stores that sold a lot of incense and wind chimes) before you pull your hands from him all together. His strangled whine all but dies in response when your hands fumble with his and move them down to the button on your shorts, effectively telling him to do away with them. You break the kiss again to lean your head back on the cupboard behind you, and lift your hips as best you can without sliding off the counter. He’s slow to remove them, both because of how they stick to you and because he’s vexing. Once they hit your calfs, you wiggle them off yourself before settling your bare ass back on the edge of the counter and sitting up straight again.

“Commando? You slut!” He exclaims with a devilish smile, and you have half a mind to hit him. But instead, you settle for returning the favor, much easier for you to give a strong yank and his (your) pants are also around his ankles.

“Commando? You slut too!” You echo, and you both laugh and you crane your neck smash your lips back onto his.

You’re both dizzy and laughing, and it makes it all that much easier for him to ease into you. Sliding slowly, Klaus is met with little resistance. You yourself are aroused and soaking, the norm for your body when Klaus is close to you like this. Your body easily reacts to him, and you like to think his body is equally as receptive to you. He stays like that for a beat, making sure you’re comfortable with the angle and everything, before ramming back into you as one of his hands hits the cupboard behind your head to stabilize himself. Your legs wrap around his waist and meet cross ankled at the small of his back, angling to help push him all that much deeper into you.

This is different, you think, than all the other times. Sure, Klaus is setting the pace for once instead of you, but that’s not it. Maybe it’s because of your talking even minimally about your past. Letting him peek over the wall you held near and dear. You viewed yourself before the clinic as someone who no longer exists. A dead relative that sits on your shoulders. Or maybe it just was the rocking motion and your ass catching the corner over and over sure to welt and melting pain into the pleasure. It’s like you’re lost at sea, and Klaus is both the life raft and the storm. He’s all hands and hips and whimpers against your neck.

He fucks the thoughts out of your head, and thus the words out of your mouth. You’re not used to him being in charge like this. This is easily the quietest you’ve ever been with him, but it’s not for lack of enjoyment. No, this is heavenly. Every whimper, every moan... because of what you— what your body does to him. Absolutely musical. A cacaphony only heightened by the tempo of your heaving chest, the tightness of your core already threatening to burst.

Your legs tighten around his back, pulling him so close that his thrusts hit deep, deep as they can go and he never fully pulls out of you. It’s more of a deep grind into your cunt, and each roll of his hips earns a high pitched whine from you and a low grunt from him. This feels good.

He slows down considerably, taking the time to savor feeling you squeeze him as he slowly works you both to and over the edge. He’s in no rush when it feels like this.

You, though, you’re teetering. On both the physical counter and the precipice of ecstasy. Any thrust now and you’ll be shaking and sobbing and drenching him, but you foolishly try to hang on because it’s unclear if Klaus is as close as you are or if he has any tricks up his sleeve.

A shuddering breathy moan against your jawline alerts you; no, he is as close as you are. You bear down, changing the angle just so, but in a way that hits the perfect spot, and you scream. You scream so unexpectedly you surprise yourself as you feel your body overcome and surrender to a shaking, intense orgasm.

The way you tighten and shiver against him triggers his own, and he stills inside you as deep as he can go, and shakes as well. A moan escapes past his lips in a strangled cry, and then he goes quiet. savoring this feeling.

Instead of pulling out, he stands there holding you. He reaches one of his hands down though, the same one that was against the cupboard near your head, to grasp your calf. He half assedly begins to knead his thumb and middle finger on each side of the muscle, easing any tension or stiffness that might have occurred while you were holding him so tightly against you. This is so tender. This is closeness. You lean forward towards him with your hands draped onto his shoulders, letting him catch you as post sex exhaustion begins to creep it’s way behind your eyes. But for Klaus it seems to come so naturally. It’s almost an absent afterthought of an action while he kisses your cheek, your jawline, your earlobe.

“You, dear Fraulien, have earned yourself a bed frame,” Klaus announces in a whisper against the shell of your ear. If you weren’t on the brink of slumber, you could have sworn he had a twinge of a German accent.

“What?”

“I’m going to buy you a bed frame,” he punctuates it with a kiss this time. You have to laugh. Shutting your eyes feels so good while laying in his arms.

“You’re going to buy it?”

“Well, there’s probably a good one somewhere at the Academy. One with a nice headboard. Only the best for my partner to handcuff me to.”

Partner.

You’re wide awake again.

Klaus sleeps peacefully tonight.

[tuesdayx]

So I thought it would be fun to do a song-by-song breakdown of our latest album Essential.

Essential started as some rough demos designated for a side project in late 2019, which then became our largest album to date in terms of song selection. Many of the themes deal with learning to cope with the changing world thanks to Covid, with a perspective of someone who had to keep working at an "essential" job with no option of self-quarantine. I was happy to continue working and being able to pay my bills over the past year, but there was always elements of stress, fear, and tension lingering over myself and everyone else in my position.

So here we go; starting from the top let's look at the Songs of Tuesday X's 6th album Essential.

1. Jet Fuel Can't Melt Steel Beams: the title was a reference to the 9/11 conspiracy memes, which as stated in the opening lines, "has nothing to do with this song." Written in January of 2020 before Covid had made any significant impact in the US, the song touches on many themes which happened to occur throughout the year, such as [another] Californian forest fire (Australia too), new diseases (Covid), a riot (the BLM movement over the summer, which I will state everything that movement has been fighting for is 100% justified and the United States is in desperate need of Police reform, as does our political system which has remained inherently racist to this day.), Civil War (and exaggeration for sure, but the civil unrest and political division in our country will soon split us apart further), more corporate giants(companies like Amazon profited more from this Pandemic than ever before and have helped further the gap between the American working class and the top 1%). Favorite line: "I won't get philosophical, I only wanted your attention."

2. The Only Difference Between You and Me is a Sense of Apathy and Your Brand New Nikes: This song is a blithing criticism of the American political system. Our two party system has left Americans with a choice between "the lesser of two evils" and allows politicians with no true interest in our needs to rise to power. The use of 3rd parties as an alternative is a overly simple compromise that would only just begin to alleviate the problems created in our political system. Both of our main parties are considered conservative parties to the rest of the world, and any progressive measures that would benefit society and reduce the effects of climate change are considered radical and preposterous by politicians with financial stakes in our crooked system where corporatations hold control and the people are treated as fuel for an otherwise worthless currency. Favorite line: "Listen to the radio, they played my favorite song. Now I'm bored and wanting more."

3. Blame it on the Elves: the title is a reference to an episode of the Podcast "Lore" by Aaron Menke (i can't recall which episode, but you should check it out anyway because it's great listen.) An instrumental interlude inspired by ragtime music of the 1920-30's, with an edge of course.

4. Class of Dropouts: This song was written when I was 16 during my sophomore year of high school and was originally featured on my now unavailable album "trees" before adopting the Tuesday X monicker. I brought it back 6 years later because I loved how raw and punk it was. The lyrics are dorky but I decided to leave them as is, it's a cool track for high school stoners to blare and let out their teen angst. Favorite line: "Walking in on my friends fucking."

5. Polaroids on My Bulletin Board: This is a song about growing up. As a 22 year old (now 23) who decided not to go to college straight out of high school, I felt isolated from my peers in a way. By going into the workfield right away I sometimes feel like I skipped a few years and missed out on a lot of opportunities. I regret not leaving my hometown sooner than I did and chasing my dreams of being a touring musician in a band. More often than not I reminisce of my youth playing shows and getting into trouble, as I now feel old and out of place in a scene I grew up in. Favorite line: "I know what it's like to be alive, I know what it's like to live a lie."

6. Labradoodle Underpass: Going back on the theme of growing up, this is about my recent experience with shows as an adult. When I was a teenager I felt ambitious and ready for anything, and I would drop literally everything to go to the nearest show. As an adult I feel introverted and constantly anxious about the world around me. I've missed out on a lot of great shows due to my own self doubt's and anxiety. Now that shows have been canceled for over a year I feel even more regret by not appreciating them more while I could. Favorite line: "23 years and a lingering fear that anything could happen, why am I here?"

7. Some Shit: This was me trying to be modest mouse lol jangly guitars and half talking/half singing vocals describing the world around me. I guess in a way it was an exercise in writing character description and setting, but otherwise it's just a chill track that almost feels aimless at parts. Favorite Line: "it's just some shit I learned from a friend. Just some shit I learned when I was trying to prepare."

8: Woe is the World: On the album this is a chorus snippet that barely a minute long (the full version is available as a bonus track on bandcamp, and it was actually a demo that turned out better than the final version.) I originally wrote this song when I was 15 with a different set of lyrics, but I came back to it while writing this album and re-wrote it to reflect my mental state and the world around me. Overall, just another melancholy track in a sea of melancholy songs. Favorite line: "you've never felt more alone than you do now, was everything worth it in the end?"

9. Then Why Was it Named Gideon?: the title is a reference to a line in Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour (my favorite series) and like the first track on this album doesn't have much to do with the song. "Gideon" is a simple love song, talking again about how growing up sucks but having the right person by your side can make all the shitty times worth it in the end. Favorite line: "it's time to move on, you're taking too long."

10. I am Here, I'm Looking at Her, and She is Beautiful: This song is entirely about the book "Perks of Being a Wallflower". That's it. Nothing else, let's move on. Favorite line: "Over Christmas I read them a poem about a brown paper bag and the boy who wrote it."

11. Try to Be a Filter, Not a Sponge: Like the previous song, this one is also mostly about "Perks of Being a Wallflower", but with elements of my own experience with toxic relationships. I like to think of it as the character Charlie's experience with Mary Elizabeth overall though. Favorite line: "She called my favorite book washed out trash, said I have no taste and I'm still too sad."

12. Lavender Spray Bottle: This instrumental dates back to 2017. I recorded the guitar part as a demo on my phone and forgot about it. Over time I forgot how to play the guitar part, so I used the demo as a basis and layered everything else on top of it. The title is a reference to a bottle of water with lavender essential oils mixed in that my ex used to fend away spiders in the house we lived in at the time.

13. Hindsight is 2020: I will admit, this is my favorite song on the whole album and was actually the last to be written and recorded. With a simple guitar part and layers of vocals, this song is a direct reflection of life during the peak of the pandemic. With curfews in place and rising case counts, I had to learn to cope with life at home during my late nights away from work. My partner was quarantined during this time and I reflected on the mental strain this put on her. Favorite line: "Don't go to work, you need the money but you're not happy when you're there. Sometimes life is so unfair."

14. I Don't Know How to Deal With Serious Emotions Without Turning Them into a Fucking Joke: the title came from a meme I found on my phone from high school. The song itself was about my own inability to handle serious emotions without coming off as sarcastic. In both the music and lyrics, the song starts as a simple confession before exploding into raw chaos. Favorite line: "it's so hard. I'm so scared, what have I become?"

15. Say Hello to My Little Friend: the last instrumental on this album. A short haunting tune that reflects the final two tracks. The title is probably a reference to Rambo or something, but I never watched it and I thought it fit the feeling of this song.

16. Minneapolis: What became one of the most emotional tracks on this song actually began as a joke. My partner was snap chatting a friend one night and they asked me to write them a song on the spot. So I improvised the first two verses and chorus of this song, referencing her going to school there at the time. I found I actually liked what I had written however, so I refined the track and changed it from a sassy country song into a melancholic lament of my experience in the twin cities and southern Minnesota. Favorite line: "I miss Camp Snoopy, and Paul Bunyon's log flume ride that went around the whole damn mall."

17. Before the Sunrise: the final song on the album is an intimate look at my relationship with my partner. Through past experiences i have become riddled with self doubt and always looking at improving myself as a person. With hopes that one day I'll be the person I'd like to be for mine and their sake, it's an optimistic tribute to my best friend. Favorite line: "the cycle ends until the sun rises again, you're my best friend."

Thank you all so much! Check out Essential and our other music on Bandcamp, Spotify, Apple, and other places! I hope you all enjoyed this personal look at these songs that got me through the worst parts of 2020.

[maggyoutthere]

Storytime with Maggy!

WARNING: Tws in the tags

Just getting this off my chest because this has been boiling up inside my head for a while. This will be a long one so don't bother to read it if u don't want to; this is legit just so I can get it off my chest.

-

Ok so

Some people that follow me here on tumblr know me from the BATIM Amino. I used to be very active there, even being one of the biggest content creators (I'm not saying that lightly I was literally on the Top 15 when it came to that weird reputation points system) . I recently left Amino as a whole because of something that happened there.

So the story goes like this: I was 13 when I started posting on Amino. Bendy and the Ink Machine Chapter 2 had just come out and I was drawing fanart of it. After a while I started talking more with other artists there, making ocs, just having fun. It went well for a few months until I met this person. For the sake of anonymity, I'll call them HWI (it was an acronym to their persona's name or something).

So I'd been checking out this HWI person for a while now. I really liked their art style and this specific character they had. They had this classy killer 1800s style and I'm an absolute sucker tor those. One day, I got the courage to message them with a small piece of fanart. They replied and liked it, and then the conversation went on.

We commented on each other's art, rp sometimes, we became really close. They later on introduced me to their other friends and we made a small group chat on Amino. We rpd a LOT to pass the time and just play with our characters. I remember staying up late just to talk to them about how my day went. I wasn't very social at the time and I had the bad habit of grabbing onto the first friend I could make like my life depended on it.

So 2018 came around. I was diagnosed with autism, at the time still called Asperger's Syndrome. All I knew was that I finally had a face to put on the problem of "being weird"; it wasn't a problem at all. It was different sure but I wasn't broken or less that anyone else. I didn't told anyone online about my diagnoses because well I was coming to terms with it myself first. This will come in hand later so stick with me.

With time I started realizing I had a favorite character of them that I just liked way way more than the others; that same oc I spoke about earlier. I had no fucking idea why I liked them so much it just??? it happened, and I believe HWI realized that.

We had these two ocs. One of them was mine and the other was their oc, and we kinda shipped them so we just made them a couple for the heck of it. I had lots of fun doing rps and fanart of those two but I never understood why. After a while, HWI started acting a bit weird. They did a total 180 on said character, randomly making them rude and unlikable. Now I know that it was just an rp and I shouldn't have taken it seriously, but it was bumming me out a little: the only place I had to vent out stuff and to take a break was now making me feel bad.

I was stupid by making those small moments the pillar of my self confidence. I was in a rough spot at the time and latched onto that group chat like it was the only good thing I had in life. I now know I shouldn't have done that.

I didn't had the guts to step up and tell HWI to at least don't be so rude so I kinda just took it. A few months went by and I finally had the courage to stand up against them. I had realized at the time that I was having a hyperfixation on said character and I told HWI to just not be that rude. They said they didn't meant it and told me they would stop. Except they didn't.

Then followed 3 years of having HWI dangle that character over my head like some treat for a dog. They'd threaten to stop using said character or to delete their stuff if I didn't behave in the way they wanted. If I had an opinion about something and they didn't liked it, they threatened me with that stuff. I now look back at it and realise "That was just some stupid random character why was I so scared and in panic?" But I was young, didn't had good role models and didn't knew better.

I moved to an arts school when I started 10th grade. There I met a lot of people who were like me; everyone had their very distinctive quirks and troubles they were coming to terms with, people were discovering themselves. Everyone was so different from each other, but everyone respected everyone and the whole school lived in harmony. I felt like I finally fitted in, I started making lots of friends and my life changed for the better.

In 11th grade, I finally told my friends about what had been happening for 3 years now. They knew about my previous problems at home and about my autism so they told me that they thought I'd been groomed by HWI. I didn't believed them at the time; HWI had been so nice to me and helped me through a lot in my life. Then I finally took a step back, and it hit me.

I never liked HWI. They were indeed very rude and manipulative, but they had something I loved so much that I'd become submissive to the point of believing that was normal, that it was the way to treat friends. They were 20 when I was 13. I thought it was ok at the time, until they started asking for fanart and favors in exchange for rp time, and pushing sexual rps onto me a lot. They would tell me that they were the only one who could understand me, that the rest of the world was just filled with evil corrupt people and I fucking believed in everything they said. They would bring down the mood of the whole chat with their negativity to the point other people started complaining about it. I remember having a breakdown mid-lunch break when it finally hit me. I'd been groomed.

But, thank goodness, this has a good ending. As I realized that I had to get out of this situation, I quickly came up with a plan. I had tried multiple times to go without said hyperfixation but I would always end up having panic attacks and just not feel well. So the plan was to try and get said character to my side and run off as quickly as I could. I knew they didn't liked the character at all and were just using it to control me so I knew I could do some kind of art trade with them and get the character. After a while of asking if I could have the character since they weren't using it anymore, they said they would give him to me in exchange of some fanart, demanding it to be very very good or either they would refuse to give the oc. I rushed to ibispaint, drew something I was dead sure they would like and sent it. And then it was done.

I stayed in the chat for some extra weeks as if trying to prove myself wrong; that HWI was a good person and this was all a big misunderstanding. But it wasn't. They continued being toxic and manipulative, but they didn't had anything to use against me now. I left the chat and a few months later the Amino as a whole.

So to anyone who finds themselves in a situation similar to this one, here's a piece if advice: get out of that shit as fast as you can. I know there are people who have it WAY worse than me, but I don't wish for anyone to go through something even remotely similar to what happened to me.

If you find yourself in a toxic relationship, get out of there as fast as you can. No matter how many lies they tell you, that no one else would love you or understand you, that only they can handle what you are; it's all bullshit. There are somany people out there who would protect you and fight for you with their life. Heck you find yourself with a toxic friend but are scared to leave them because they're your only friend? Hit me up! I'll gladly be your friend!

People deserve so much more than feeling like they're emotionally dependant on someone else. Self-love and self-worth were two of the best things that I learned to have since I left that toxic relationship, and everyone deserves to feel good and to be proud of themselves FOR themselves.

-

Wow this was... long XD so yeah. HWI is also on tumblr but don't go searching for them. I told them off and that's it. As the meme goes, the evil has been defeated XD I will be posting stuff with those two ocs since I'm kinda removing them from the BATIM fandom and making them kinda just their own thing. I still love them to pieces and want to draw them so so much!

So wow you've made it all the way down here? Have a snack you must be so tired 🍩🍪🍰🧁🥧🍫🍬🍭🧃

[wissbby]

"The hospital is a magical place.” - Akaashi Keiji

A couple of weeks ago I wasn’t doing great. I felt disconnected from my body and was mentally exhausted which brought me to one of my lowest points in life. The love of my life, also known as @dreamykou​, wrote me a lovely motivational description which brought me back to my senses. Since writing is almost always my way out, I decided to turn her words into this little fiction. Thank you, my love, for giving me the strength to pull through. I’ll literally never forget that message.   I didn’t proof read it so I’m sorry if there are mistakes in here! 

Date: the fifth of July, 2020 Warnings: fluff Word count: 2.4K

“Hi, Yuna.” Akaashi felt the white walls coming towards him, swallowing him whole. Even after coming here frequently, he never got used to the strong smell of chemicals. In a place like this, hygiene was the number one priority. Yet, he couldn’t get used to the smell.

“Oh,” Yuna smiled when she saw the person who the voice belonged to. “Hello there, Akaashi.” She immediately noticed the way he switched from breathing through his nose to breathing from his mouth. The fact her colleague’s spouse hated the smell of the hospital was known by the whole division.

“Is Y/n here?” The question was directed at Yuna, but Akaashi’s eyes were looking into the different corridors in the hope of seeing your angelic face again.

He had brought you flowers.  

The previous night wasn’t as great as Akaashi hoped. You had told him about this surgery months ago. It was a dangerous one and there was a slim chance of the boy getting out of the operation room alive.

He knew you had your heart in the right place. That’s why you were sulking all night about the little boy. You couldn’t sleep and Akaashi grew worried.

“You need sleep to function tomorrow, love.” You were sitting at the kitchen table, a book in front of you with a half-filled mug with coffee beside it.

“I know, I just can’t fall asleep. I could read about techniques to use tomo-“ Before you could read on about the different doctors who had performed the same surgery, a hand grabbed your wrist.

“No,” Akaashi had whispered out, stern but caring.

“Akaashi, do you have any idea how hard it’s going to be tomorrow? The chance of the kid dying in front of my eyes is bigger than him walking out alive.” Most of the time, you and Akaashi were on the same page about different topics. Akaashi was one of the few people with great understanding and patience. However, this was different. For the first time in years, there was understanding but no support for your choices.

“I know, love. That doesn’t change the fact you need sleep to function.” Somehow he finally managed to get your body into bed, at the very least. Nevertheless, you could not sink into the soft mattress, the stress and fear stuck to you.

With a sigh, Akaashi sat up and pulled you into his arms. You leaned against him, eyes drooped and covered by a thin layer of glossy tears.

"I'm scared, Akaashi," you confessed. Years into the relationship, it was still as surprising as ever if you would show your emotions to him. He always knew you could never easily show your emotions, let alone your weaknesses.

“I know you are.”

“What if I let him die? I don’t want him to die. He is young and has a whole life in front of him. I don’t want to be the one taking that away from him.” The words hit the man hard. He never expected you to blame yourself for something that would happen beyond your power.

“You’ll never be the one taking his life away. You’re there to help the kid. And yes, the chances are slim. However, that doesn’t change the fact you’re not and will never be the one who killed him if he actually does die. In fact, you’ll help him, even if he dies. You gave him and his family hope, a second chance of living if it all works out.”

Akaashi wanted to promise you that it was going to be just fine.

But he couldn’t. Because he couldn’t promise everything would be “just fine”.

If Akaashi promised you something, he would always fulfill his promise.

“Are those beautiful flowers for your beloved Y/n?” a light chuckle flew into the air.

“Ah,” Akaashi laughed, hand automatically crawling to the back of his neck to scratch it. “She just had a rough night, that’s all. I wanted to give her these flowers to tell her she has done something amazing, no matter the outcome.”

“That’s adorable. You guys literally make me want to get my own spouse and gag at the same time.”

“I guess you want to know where she is? Room 143, she was done but told me she went and stayed for a bit longer.” Yuna knew what the outcome of the surgery was and she couldn’t suppress the smirk that crawled up her face.

However, Akaashi being Akaashi, didn’t question it any further.

So, with the bouquet of flowers in his hand and sweat collectively coming together in the palm of his hands, he wandered through the empty, white corridors. 

⇜ “How do you like the smell of a hospital?” Akaashi’s eyebrows were knitted together, a questionable look taking over his features.

“I don’t know, I just do.” You chuckled lightly, swinging your arms back and forth, tilting your head slightly back to bask into the fresh ray of sunshine.

“The fact that isn’t even the weirdest thing about you scares me.”

“Oh, what is the weirdest thing about me, Keiji?” At the beginning of your relationship, Akaashi was very private. He kept a lot to himself and didn't share much. Later, he began to see that a relationship had to come from two sides. Not long after, you got to see all sides of your spouse.

“You told me you got a calm feeling every time you walk through the hospital. It freaks me out.” You would lie if you said you weren’t surprised by hearing him recall that. It had been a while back since you’d stated that. It only showed how much your love actually paid attention.

“What’s so scary about that?”

“I don’t know, Y/n. Maybe because hospitals are filled with death, blood and fatality.” In Akaashi's eyes, his statement seemed self-evident. Every day dozens of people died in the building and the white walls became terrifying as the night approached and no one walked through the corridors except for some of the staff.

“That indeed is true. However, hospitals are also filled with hope, life, love, laughter and stories. A hospital is a magical place, you just need to see it.” ⇝

“One thirty-nine, one forty, one forty-one, one forty-two.. one forty-three!” Akaashi whispered as his eyes passed the tiny signs with the numbers carved in them.

As he got closer to the small room, he noticed the door was left open just enough to fit half a body.

Room 143. Akaashi knew exactly whose room it was.

He was ready to prepare himself mentally for one of your breakdowns. He knew how much you cared for the little boy that you got assigned and was not ready to lose in the OR.

To confirm his expectation, he peeked into the room, heart siphoning an immense amount of blood through his veins.

When he didn’t see the scene that he had created in his head in front of him, he let out a breathe he didn’t know he was holding onto.

You were kneeled beside the hospital bed with the little kid laying underneath layers and layers of blankets. The boy’s nostrils flared, eyebrows high and rounded, eyes shot and a mouth wide open while a fit of laughter slipped right out.

Akaashi didn’t miss the way a warm smile crept up your lips and how the mother of the child held onto the father a little tighter while tears were welling up in the corners of her eyes.

And that’s when Akaashi realised what you meant. Hospitals could indeed be a magical place.

His eyes noticed your hand disappearing into the pocket of your white doctor’s coat. Your thumb and index finger had captured a white stick to present it to the little boy who had opened his eyes in the meantime.

“You’re actually not supposed to eat sweets,” you snickered. “But because you are my favourite, I’ll let it slide this one time!” With a playful smile painting your lips, you handed the red lollipop to your patient.

The boy had twinkling eyes and a tongue sweeping across his lips. He gratefully wrapped his tiny hand around the white stick.

It was late and time to end your twenty-eight-hour shift. You replaced the playful smile with a gentle and heart-warming one.

“Akaashi-sensei!” Once the kid noticed you were about to leave, he couldn’t help but crave one more thing. “Thank you.”

It was something simple, something everyone would expect to hear after helping another.

But this was different.

You had met him for the first time eight months ago. He was hard to get to talk because of his shyness. So, to say the least, a “thank you” coming from his mouth and not his parents’ was surprising.

Your smile grew bigger to the point it started to hurt. Ruffling his soft, brown locks was the very first time he didn’t shy away from your touch.

“You did great, Izumi-kun,” you complimented him. “Now, get some rest and save your lollipop for tomorrow. But don’t show my colleagues; you don’t want me to get in trouble, right?” Izumi shook his head violently after processing the last sentence. Chuckling, you turned to the parents that bowed forty-five degrees.

“Thank you so much for your help. We will forever be grateful for your work.”

You never liked the way people looked up to you for doing something that was simply your job.

Bowing just as respectfully, you spoke up, “It was no problem. I’m just as happy the operation went well as you are.” Making eye contact with two pair of eyes that stared right back at you with multiple emotions held inside of them, you felt yourself getting warm.

“I’ll be back in two days. The nurses will check up on him and make sure everything is going as planned during the time that I’m gone. If there’s anything I can do for you or Izumi-kun, I’m always there to answer your questions.”

Just as you were about to leave, a hand wrapped around your wrist. The source tried to pull you into its direction but there was no intensity to get you where he wanted.

With raised brows and wide eyes, you felt how two arms were wrapped around you securely. Looking down, you saw Izumi’s arms, that were full of needles that fed him the insulins he needed, wrapped around your waist.

The warmth of the boy swallowed you whole. And for the first time since twenty-eight hours, you felt a wave of relief washing over you.

A thin layer of salty tears stung your eyes as you returned the warmth.

It took the both of you a little bit to let go of one another.

“Have a good night, Izumi-kun.” With those words and a heart-warming smile plastered on your face, you left the room, eyes fixated on the white shoes that belonged to the hospital.

You stopped dead in your tracks after walking a bit further away from room 143. Everything sunk in deep and you finally had a moment to let your mind race and take its time to bring itself to ease by progressing everything that happened from the restless night to the moment you gave Izumi a lollipop.

Pushing your body against the white wall behind you and sliding down against it, gave you the peace you craved.

Quiet moments like these always hit the hardest. And it wasn’t much different today.

The tears started flowing over the edge of your bottom eyelid, all the stress, frustration and relief washing away with the salty droplets. The walls, the walls that hold you up, that make you strong in front of your patients collapsed right then and there. Second by second, you see them falling, the bricks smashing against the ground and dividing into millions of pieces right in front of you.

Salty drops travel along your cheeks, falling from your chin and entering the fabric of your white doctor’s coat. It was then that you realised there was an iota of blood on it. The bloodstain got watered down by the tears and expanded in its size, the dark red colour turning into a lighter shade.

“My love,” you heard your lover’s voice call out. Rubbing the salty fluid out of your eyes, you looked up to see if you weren’t hallucinating things due to being sleep deprived.

But you weren’t hallucinating, Akaashi really stood there.

You quickly stood up, bewildered by his sudden appearance.

“What are you doing here?” Your eyes started watering again after seeing his eyes filled with warmth, worry and relief.

Akaashi took a few steps forward, handing you the bouquet he had bought you.  

“They are Gladioli. In Rome, gladioli were associated with gladiators. Some say that gladiators wore gladiolus corms around their necks during battles to help them win and protect them from death. Because of their association with gladiators, the gladiolus flower meaning is strength and integrity,” Akaashi rambled, nothing more than anxiety and love being projected into his irises.

He loved you so much, it hurt.

“You’ve been so strong and I’m so proud of you. You’re always there for everyone and ready to help. That’s one of the million reasons I love you.” Akaashi saw your emphasised pockets, plaintive, painful eyebrows, relaxed jaw, eyes that could barely stay open and a slightly drooped head. Despite your tired expression, he could feel the love radiating from you.

“Keiji,” you whispered out, tears now uncontrollably streaming down your face. You buried your face in the bouquet, shoulders shaking and sobs decorating the silence in the white corridors.

In next to no time, you felt two strong arms wrapping themselves around your waist. Akaashi’s heart shattered into pieces when he felt your body giving up on you, the exhaustion finally catching up on you.

“Let’s go home, yeah?” Even though it was said like a question, it was nothing more than a warning demand, a reminder to show you he cared.

“Yes, yes please.”

[fencesandfrogs]

cloudtail’s daughter: cinderheart

alright well third character: cinderheart.

i'm going to be honest, i don't care enough about cinderheart to have a lot to say about this. i'm finishing it in the morning, and i'm starting it in night, so watch this be longer than dovewing's (fat chance i wrote like 4k words about dovewing because, and i can't say this enough, i lovewing dovewing), but i'm not feeling particularly inspired at the moment.

ohhh wait i changed my mind this is the one where i get to talk about cinderpelt again, isn't it? yeessss i take it all back i've been waiting to write this since i first wrote cinder back in dovewing's character

anyway as per usual, this is part of an au where dovekit and ivykit are born to brightheart and cloudtail. go ahead and click the cloudtail's daughter tag if you want to see more about this. this is probably pretty dependent on knowing what happens to dovewing in the au, but i'd say compared to lionblaze, its still more self standing because it's significantly more verbose, so it's not reliant on filling in the gaps as much, because this is filling in the gaps.

[3k words, 10 minute read. section headers. a little bit jumpy.]

section one: cinderpelt and cinderkit --- an exposé on reincarnation

you don't need me to tell you warriors reincarnation is weird. to make my life easy, here is how it works:

true reincarnations -- jay's wing/jayfeather, dove's wing/dovewing, lion's roar/lionblaze. only one soul exists. half moon will reunite with jayfeather. or ig he can decide to go by jay's wing. dovewing and lionblaze may or may not regain their memories on death; it's not important to this story so i'm not decided

starclan induced reincarnations -- cinderpelt's soul gets shoved into cinderkit. they now share. this was, ah, very dangerous, because cinderkit and/or cinderkit's soul could have died. but she didn't. as cinderkit grows into her own person, she and cinderpelt will grow either increasingly intertwined (i.e., cinderpelt weaves into cinderheart, and is never fully awakened.) when they die, idk what happens. it's not very nice.

luckily, that didn't happen. instead, cinderheart grows apart and cinderpelt basically is a voice in her head. eventually, at some point, idk, cinderpelt frees herself. i'm sure i'll figure that out in this post, but i don't know yet.

so that's their deal.

section two: cinderheart and lionblaze

alright, cinderheart and lionblaze are not going to be a conflict thing, because of destiny. i'm just, that's. well it's a step up from the standard romance drama, but i still hated it. so anyway, cinderheart knows lionblaze is in L-O-V-E with her, but she's kind of holding out until he's more mature/responsible.

she's also not ready for kits, and that's the only way a warriors romance can be officially codified.

jk, but in seriousness, they're already close, similar to sandstorm and fireheart in books 2-4 or so of TPB. she's just not ready to take him as a mate yet, and he's kind of funny as a bumbling fool. that said, she does care a lot about him and if he pushed her, or circumstances pushed her, she'd be willing to be upfront about it.

cinderpelt is happy cinderheart is finding love, but she does kind of wish it wasn't with lionblaze. not because he's an idiot, after all, cinderpelt had a crush on fireheart before he finished growing a brain, but because she is worried about the prophecy. and lionblaze dying and leaving cinderheart alone. so cinderheart has some internal conflict about this, but she has internal conflict over whether she wants thrush or mouse some days. side effect of having two souls in one body. she keeps it wrapped up because she's pretty sure she's into lionblaze and cinderpelt is unsure, and she doesn't need to confuse the situation anymore.

yeah, by the time this series begins, cinderheart and cinderpelt are really two separate entities, and cinderpelt is getting ready to leave. she's just sort of waiting. it's until cinderheart and lionblaze confirm they're mates. why? because that's when it happens in the original and i can't think of a better time. also, it kind of completes cinderpelt's small crush on fireheart.

(it really wasn't that big. sandstorm just made a big deal out of it because she was jealous.)

section three: dovepaw

right, so cinderheart is hype for dovepaw. the dovepaw is real sweet and quiet and cinderheart feels good about that. so they're excited.

cinderheart and dovepaw go out for territory and cinderheart is like "she's on top of shit this dovepaw" and dovepaw catches a mouse or two and cinderheart is super proud and supportive and everyone is happy.

and then cinderheart starts to feel like she's failing dovepaw, because dovepaw just can't get anything else down. lionblaze and ivypaw, on the other hand, are having basically no issues. so she feels like she's failing dovepaw, and she's a little insecure about that, so cinderheart and dovepaw tag along with lionblaze and ivypaw a lot.

as you can guess, this makes everything worse.

cinderheart realizes dovepaw is sneaking out at night and is like "well this is a problem i'm not equipped to deal with" and frets over it for a while, unsure of who to talk to without geting dovepaw in trouble. (lionblaze also snuck out as an apprentice, he's an unreliable source.)

so she doesn't tell anyone at first, just makes sure dovepaw is still getting sufficient rest for a young cat. (she isn't.) eventually, she lets it slip to hollyleaf who talks about it with lionblaze who ivypaw overhears, but ivypaw is the last character i'm covering in this set of essays.

dovepaw gets trapped in the tunnels for three days, and cinderheart feels like she's failed her charge. also, brightheart is kind of mad at cinderheart because she feels that cinderheart didn't really do anything to stop dovepaw from feeling like she needed to prove herself and like, brightheart's not wrong, but it's also unfair to cinderheart. so cinderheart blames herself a whole lot because dovepaw is dead now and it's her fault.

when dovepaw gets back cinderheart only barely punishes her, and dovepaw has had enough exploration, so being confined to camp is only barely a punishment anyway. cinderheart vows that she's going to do better, do right, by dovepaw (although she's really been doing pretty okay no one is really blaming cinderheart, even brightheart has gotten over it now that dovepaw is back and safe and alive.)

section four: can you hear what i hear?

so when dovepaw gets back, cinderheart takes her out once she's recovered, and dovepaw is like "so where are the creatures with the clicky-clackies?" and cinderheart has no idea what's going on.

but cinderheart, despite being lumped in the "two braincells" category that the first three pov characters have (seriously if you haven't read my breakdown of this au as a whole you may want to because i've written so much for it that i'm definitely skipping details. now that my pace has slowed from "about 10k words in one weekend" to "2k words a day" it's better but still), is not an idiot. she's seen the lake get smaller. times are getting hard. there was a gathering while dovepaw was in the tunnels that cinderheart went to and it was real rough. so she's like. hm. maybe. dovepaw is starclan chosen or something? it would explain why she's spacy all the time.

cinderheart gets all the info she can from dovepaw and then has to figure out whether she's taking this to firestar or jayfeather.

i'm not 100% how this resolves, but eventually, cinderheart and dovepaw go to firestar to discuss the beavers. cinderheart does most of the talking, dovepaw is just kind of there nodding along.

so the standard canon thing happens and they all get ready for the trip. i feel like i've done a pretty in-depth breakdown of this for dovewing, and hollyleaf will get one too, so i'm just going to say, other than hollyleaf also coming, it's pretty much canon.

section five: the tribe

oh man it's the cinderheart book and whoo boy am i excited for this one.

alright alright alright so dovepaw is doing the Late Nights again, but its to see tigerheart. so cinderheart is uh, not very aware of it this time?

dovepaw is older and smarter (barely) and more importantly knows she can’t get caught again.

so dovepaw real tired, real close to tigerheart at gatherings, and cinderheart is like “hm maybe something is up” and cinderpelt is like “yeah keep an eye on that”

(an aside: so cinderpelt’s presence is kind of a nagging one in cinderheart’s life. it’s not that she’s not the same cinderpelt we know and love, but she’s a kind of omnipresent authority figure, so she reads a bit differently. but she’s still our wonderful cinderpelt. no fear.)

and ivypaw tells lionblaze that dovepaw is sneaking out (see here for lionblaze, literally 0 awareness) and he tells cinderheart and cinderheart is like “well that checks” and cinderpelt is like “hm remember fernpaw and dustpelt”

“ferncloud is like a second mother to me no i don’t know the details of her romance”

“yea well...”

you know, cinderheart's almost worried dovepaw is going to have kits real soon after becoming a warrior and there are approximately 0 thunderclan toms she's close enough with for that to be applicable.

(for the record, they are not that close. cinderpelt is concerned not just because forbidden romance, but also because of how young leafpool was. not impossibly young by any means, but still fairly young.)

so then through uhhh who knows memory? convenient stormfur is convenient? haven't decided yet, but anyway, cinderheart decides the tribe can help them. (the real reason is because i want the tribe to solve a clan problem for once. the stated reason is probably something like "dovepaw feels too much pressure after the beavers" or "long journeys are good for apprentices" i mean look brambestar dgaf about where warriors are going so why should i?)

lionblaze and ivypaw come along and cinderheart is like "great i just told this guy that i don't want to change anything between us until i'm done mentoring dovepaw and now he's tagging along with this? where's a hollyleaf when you need her?"

(hollyleaf is living with her ghost boyfriend, cinderheart, she is no longer a reliable source of buffering between you and lionblaze. also, cinderheart, this isn't coming up in this au because again ending in step with canon but please consider: lesbians.)

anyway, the four of them set out and dovepaw and ivypaw still aren't talking which is getting really old, really fast.

eventually, after a day or two of travelling in basically silence, ivypaw and dovepaw do start to talk again. one goal down. (my conviction that travelling books are good, actually, remains untested, but i'm determined to prove it.)

okay, so i've been reading all my notes in detail as i start actually drafting this, which means my essay content is morphing further into writing notes. you can tell because i'm skipping bigger sections, or adding notes about purpose in story, etc. this is just a warning that since i last worked on this, i've actually begun writing the book this stuff takes place in (the first book only matters if you're dovekit or ivykit, so the fact that i'm writing it doesn't really have an effect. i just wanted to start with something low-stakes.) so like, on one hand, i should have more figured out, but on the other hand, my comments are going to be a lot looser and i wouldn't be surprised if i just straight up contradict something i already said (i do edit my posts but not heavily and only if i think they're something i'm going to point people back towards. i'd rather point people to my archive once i start posting, so.) anyway, this is just a warning for this and anything else in the CTD essay series (hollyleaf, jayfeather, ivypool, as well as the books, growing shadows, fading echoes, distant whispers, and whatever the canon names are but switch book 4 and 5), that it's going to be less "here's a summary of what i'm going to do" and more "here are my thoughts about what i'm doing"

right that note aside, the travelling party makes it to the mountains. there's drama, probably? none of them have been to the mountains IIRC? i know jayfeather has but i don't think the others went with him (bramble did? hm i'll have to research) but okay so the point is, they make it to the tribe as the mountain is getting colder and this is where i have to deviate from my trend of realism the most because they're going to stay on the tribe for much longer than they should. my timeline has ivy/dove born in leafbare at the beginning of the season (easier math), so this is early-mid leaf fall, and the mountain would be unpassable really soon. but i don't want that, so we're going to pretend they have 2-3 moons before it's truly impassable, or the story flows a lot worse because i really want the drought to be in green leaf because it just sets up a hard hitting winter which is a good tension/drama fodder machine.

unfortunately, i'm limited in who i can kill off, but what can you do?

right so anyway, they're in the tribe and cinderheart present dovepaw and stoneteller is like "huh ig this could work sure why not" and dovepaw is enlisted to be a tribe to-be. she's not given an offiical whatever the tribe word for mentor is, (does the tribe have individual mentors? i can't remember off the top of my head), but she's more or less the same as any othet tribe to-be. the fact that she's so fluffy is a bonus. keeps her warm.

cinderheart is less at-home in the tribe, but she works with the prey hunters and generally gets along. i'm not sure. maybe she makes friends? (this is literally her book she definitely does interesting things i just don't know who lives in the tribe off the top of my head. her life does not revolve around dovepaw like 100%. she has to sort out some cinderpelt stuff in this book it's just very internal and i'm not entirely sure how it goes yet.)

so cinderheart and dovepaw are doing their thing for a bit. they get a good chance to explore tribe culture. it's good. everything is good. cinderheart is still definitely mentoring dovepaw, but what that means right now is a lot of modeling how to be a good learner, rather than explicitly teaching. cinderheart herself is preparing and thinking about how to transfer these skills to thunderclan.

uh yeah so anyway it's getting close to winter so they gotta head out, and the tribe is like "off u go food is tight in leafbare/whatever-they-call-winter" and the four of them set out.

okay so i'm going to skip to cinderheart's second book, because honestly, arc one narrators all get thrown in BGCH until they're needed in arc 2. (i mean, tbf, jayfeather has done literally nothing in all of arc one. nothing. he's just there, occasionally being like "no firestar, don't make dovepaw my apprentice!" and that's pretty much it.)

and basically so while jayfeather and hollyleaf are off having ghost romances (that's the entire plot of their book it's ghost romance), cinderheart and lionblaze are just having a relationship. dovewing and ivypool are warriors now, so cinderheart does have background drama of being worried because dovewing is still seeing tigerheart ("we took her on a whole mountain vacation and she's still obsessed with him?"), but like, it's very chill for a while.

and then sol comes back.

oh man, sol comes back and it's gonna be a big deal. yeah. it's a big deal for cinderheart, and hopefully this will be an interesting section, because cinderheart is a very different character from the OG oots crew, and she's going to handle problems in a different way, and this is the first chance we get to see that. the beavers don't count she was j chilling with whatever dovepaw said and the tribe is certainly a good example of her character (caring, resourceful, outside the box), but that's the set up. sol is the pay off.

so cinderheart is pleased by sol, but also generally wary. you gotta remember, cinderheart has been on a lot of extra curricular field trips. she's met a lot of cats. (note to self: include more loners.) she's a quick judge of character. and sol, you know, he's a lot.

so she keeps an eye on him, and she expresses her concern to hollyleaf, and hollyleaf is like, yeah, sure, i'll help.

so hollyleaf is like "so by the way, sol is in the tunnels." and cinderheart is like "this is going to be a problem" and cinderpelt who is now in starclan is like "oh she's finally learning."

so i'm not entirely sure on the details here because i haven't plotted out the ending three books in nearly as much detail (i mean on the blog i have but in my head where i keep all the plot lines i haven't) but cinderheart is going to solve the problem and she'll do it in a different way.

thunderclan definitely still learns to fight in the tunnels because they need to for battle purposes. (oh, to be a windclan tunnler, looking down in sadness from starclan about what my clan has lost.)

and yeah leaving cinderheart here because she retreats to BGCH after completing her duty of being a meanful character.

cinderheart? done.

[thewebcomicsreview]

What’s that? I’m talking about Homestuck too much lately? Well, too bad, it updated and I’m-a livebloggin’ it. This chapter contains a content warning for child abuse and I’m thus putting the rest of this post below a Read More, though I’m live blogging and don’t know what the child abuse content actually is. 

Looks like we’re with Jane, so this might be the chapter with Yiffy in it! But probably not, because they’re gonna drag it out. Incidentally, since the rebellion consists of two max-level characters, four god tiers (John, Jake, Rose, and Jade), and now Vriska who is the 8est fighter 8y far, how does Jane even stand a chance? Good thing for her that she pre-emptively took a hostage! 

JANE: (I've always been pretty good at crying on cue.) JANE: (Could I try staging an emotional breakdown?) JANE: (That could work; playing to people's humanity.) JANE: (Or whatever is the more inclusive term.)

I do like that Jane, a genocidal human-supremacist dictator, is worried about being “inclusive” in her propaganda. I wonder if she’s starting to drift from Trumphitler into Nancy Pelosi, now. Also interesting: She’s apparently using Gamzee’s death for propaganda value, cool and all, but her superpower is literally raising the dead. I can buy that Jane would rather use her ex-boyfriend for propaganda than revive him, but won’t the people of Earth C have questions? 

DIRK: Dude, the bowl. JAKE: Hm? JAKE: Oh, right. JANE: What is it now, Jake. JAKE: I brought something for our guest as well. JANE: You mean the prisoner. JAKE: Y...es.

I realize that Yiffygate made the patreon rocket to the stratosphere, but I hope we’re not actually getting to see her so soon. It’s more fun to speculate. For instance, she’s apparently getting meals in a dog bowl. Is that because she’s literally half dog, moreso than Jade, and is feral in some way? That’s been hinted at a little, but it’s also possible Jane’s just tormenting her to be a bitch. As we saw when she was Crockerfied in Act 6, Jane’s got a bit of a sadistic streak in her.

Well, that was answered pretty fucking fast! Okay, let’s not click next just yet. If we’re only getting one panel to speculate, let’s milk it like a dying webcomic franchise: Preppy bording school outfit, but with cleats, so she’s apparently an athlete. Lots of pink highlights on her outfit (shoes/socks/tie). She’s got a black dog tail, but appears to have light hair? I like this design, actually, or what little of it we’re seeing. I was half-expecting Yiffy to be a full-on Deviantart parody, but I think the angle we’re going here is “a mostly normal girl, besides being part dog, who’s just been absolutely shit on by life and every adult she’s ever encountered”. It’s not her fault her name is Yiffany, y’know? She didn’t ask for this. 

Let’s see how right I am.

JANE: Well, go on then. JANE: She's over in the corner. JANE: Don't worry, she won't bite. JANE: I've seen to that already.

The fact that this chapter had a content warning for child abuse makes this read a lot more “Yikes” than it might’ve otherwise.

DIRK: Jake. DIRK: You put the food in a fucking dog bowl. JAKE: (It was all there was, ok???)

I feel like this is actually worse than if Jane put the food in a dog bowl to torment Yiffy.

I told you we’d fall in love with her. I told you dog.

....I don’t know if the MSPA art style lends itself to slightly raised camera angles like this, it looks like Yiffy’s face is 50% forehead. 

*Lore hat on*

Okay, first off, dick move electrocuting a child. That out of the way. Yiffy is communicating in wolf howls (she must be a big fan of Toast, from my webcomic Saffron and Sage!), but she’s also literally being electrocuted so lets cut her some slack. What’s more interesting is that her Awoos are in red. 

Vrissy shares a font color with Vriska, who she’s trying to emulate. They even use the same CSS class in the site code. Tavros shares his with Gamzee, his abusive uncle (and doesn’t have the same CSS class). Harry Anderson has a unique font color that’s pretty close to his dad’s, but isn’t quite the same (possible to make Harry/John chats more readable, whereas Vriska and Vrissy being hard to distinguish is the joke?). Yiffy, however, does not speak in either Jade’s green or Rose’s purple, she speaks in red. It’s a unique shade of red, I checked, and while it could potentially be in reference to Dave, let’s get real

Obviously, she’s the new Handmaid. This was obvious enough that I was making that comparison even before we learned her red text and rebellious personality. So I’m starting to see what they’re going for here (and, god help me, I’m starting to come around to Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley as a concept). She’s not a one-dimensional joke of a character, she’s just a normal girl having a fucking rough time of it right now and also always. Speaking of time, red is connected to the Time aspect, which isn’t confirmation of anything but a little note to put in the back of your pocket.

Also to put in your back pocket, Jane’s the new Condesce and Yiffy’s the new Handmaid. The Condesce killed the Handmaid. 

JANE: You've been a thorn in my side ever since I agreed to enroll you at the academy, little madam. JANE: Back then, I was doing a favor for two old friends who made a disgusting mistake. JANE: I'm no longer going to play nice with you just because of your parents, however. JANE: That truce is over.

That’s some efficient expositing! 

Man, I really am coming around to this Yiffy thing, holy shit. I actually think her reveal last chapter was actively designed to get fans to hate the concept as much as possible, and not just from a Controversy Creates Ca$h kind of way (though that didn’t hurt).The entire fandom has been calling Yiffy a disgusting mistake for three weeks, and now here’s Jane doing it, and we’re being asked to consider this from Yiffy’s perspective: Given a stupid name as a joke, shunted off to boarding school by parents who were ashamed of her existence, repeatedly told she’s a disgusting mistake and tortured, even the fans all hate her on sight, and she literally hasn’t said a word yet! That’s....legitimately pretty cool writing, right there. A deft and entirely intentional juking of the fandom’s emotional state to get us to hate a character conceptually so that now when the comic’s trying to get us to sympathize with her it’s an easier sell because we feel a bit guilty. I dig it. Shit like this is why I still read Homestuck, it can be very clever at times, even now.

(Pierced ears, in case the punky aesthetic wasn’t obvious). Also, the page with a gif of everything going dark as Yiffy passes out has a black background, which is a nice touch.

TG: but seriously, do you? AG: Not really. TG: not even about... you know? TG: her? AG: No. TG: ... are you sure? AG: A8solutely. AG: What are you, my moirail? AG: Just leave it, Harry. TG: ok.

Then we cut to a chatlog (with the all-black background, which is just really nice here at selling the mood), and even Vrissy doesn’t want to talk about Yiffany.

AG: It was Cute, 8lright???????? AG: Or, at the very least, a 8*cketload less vomit worthy than everything else that Went Down with our parents.

She’s “vomit-worthy”

I think the update that introduced the Candy Kids was the most enjoyable, but this was, by miles, the best thing to come out of the Homestuck EU. It completely redeemed everything this comic did with Yiffy so far and made it all work. And this black-background-no-image gimmick, while simple, was shockingly effective at conveying the lonely empty mood they were going for (admittedly it probably helped that I was already listening to spooky music), and it’s something Homestuck had never done. This was....

This chapter was great. This was Act 5 great. Like, it’s literally just beating up a child for a whole chapter, but in terms of getting the emotional response they wanted, this is Homestuck at its absolute best. It wasn’t just “here’s a cute girl, let’s beat her up a bit for sympathy”, all the stuff in the last chapter, infuriating the fandom like nothing I’ve seen in webcomics in years, Jade’s dog dick, it was all for this. It was all to get us predisposed to fucking hate Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley so that they could flip the switch and make us love her, make the very fact that we hated her so much part of the reason we love her now. No other webcomic would do that, no other webcomic would have the balls to do that. This is why I read Homestuck, this is why I’m still hanging on to this rock has the wave of cheating dog dicks keeps smacking me in the face. This is avant-fucking-garde, man. I’ve done a full 180 on Homestuck 2. I’m sold. I stan. I’m Homestuck trash again. 

EDIT

Oh, and Vrissy suddenly passed out mid-sentence right around the same time Yiffy passed out (hmmm!), and apparently she’s narcoleptic like Jade (hmmm!)

[rqgnarok]

the turns of the heart, or: coming home – derek hale

continuation to this.

fandom: teen wolf

words: 2555

warnings: talk of blood, death, teen wolf spoilers, if you haven’t finished the series? brief mention of a kinda ptsd episode. STILINSKI!READER

summary: some things aren’t the same as when derek left beacon hills behind.

author's note below.

Coming home shouldn’t feel like this, but then again, Derek Hale has never been quite good at it.

He’s driving, into what he feels is another one of Gerard’s deathtraps, but he learned long ago that he’d be willing to follow Scott McCall and his pack literally anywhere, even if it also meant for him to be willing to lose his own life. He turns, for a moment, from staring at the road to gaze at the youngest Stilinski in the copilot seat, and any tranquility he had acquired after seeing his pack again fades as anxiety fills his tensed muscles. He can smell it, too, (Y/N) reeks of it as she realizes Derek’s staring, eyes tearing her apart as they’ve done many times before, and yet, it’s different. 

He hadn’t been away this long before. (Y/N) hates feeling like she’s talking to a stranger. They’ve been through too much together for it to be like this. 

“Are we gonna talk about this?” he presses, almost winces because yes, he’s never been smooth, but this is a whole new level of awkwardness. On the corner of his eye he catches (Y/N) shifting uncomfortably, a tic somebody who wasn’t looking for it wouldn’t have been able to find. It kind of bothers him to know that she was hoping he wouldn’t notice.

“I’d really rather not,” the familiar Stilinski form of humor, her favorite way of self-defense, rolls off her tongue effortlessly, and okay, at least that hasn’t changed.  “But thanks for asking, though. God knows what would’ve happened if you hadn’t.”

“(Y/N),” a downside of one of his favorite traits of her, and he can’t help but grow annoyed by how quickly it turned against him. He makes a face, and (Y/N) sees him, it would be the only sane explanation to why she shrunk further into the car seat. The guilt takes less than a second to settle into his chest, and his voice softens after a few moments of difficult silence. “When?”

“When or who?” she bites back. Of course, she knows exactly what he’s thinking. They’re bonded, for Christ sake, or at least they were before he left. Despite his wolf heritage, he knows little of bonded soulmates, and now he wishes he’d listened closely to his mother whenever she tried to explain. The thing is, after Page, he’d doubted he’d find anyone else, let alone someone he would want to spend the rest of his life with.

Imagine his surprise when little (Y/N) Stilinski came into his life, as sudden as a recently bitten Scott and an overly curious Stiles. Except she wasn’t little at all, even when still human, she thrived in the supernatural world and managed to keep herself alive all by herself, until the bite was necessary for her not to die and Derek had gladly taken the honor of marking her, back when he was still an Alpha.

Months passed and his title of leader of the pack disappeared, but his bond and attraction towards the youngest Stilinski didn’t, and it was only a matter of time before he surrendered to his want, bringing her into a rough kiss one late night in his loft after she was kidnapped by Jennifer. The sheer relief and need of the embrace led him to confess his feelings right there and then, and the day after that and then the day after that, cause Jennifer’s harsh, manipulative and biting words, as only she could be, had blinded (Y/N) to believe there was no way someone like Derek would want her, let alone as a mate.

Oh, and had Derek had so much fun proving her wrong…

Those days seem lifetimes away now, as the darkness of the night in Beacon Hills is being shadowed by the feeling of despair and hate Gerard and the Anuk-Ite have brought into town.

“If you want to talk about that, then yes,” he insists, hands tightening around the steering wheel. The streets are completely empty, yet he stops at a red light because it means he can give her his full attention, and he’s always loved the way (Y/N) reacts under his spotlight. “You used to tell me everything, (Y/N), what could have possibly changed since-”

“Since you left? Enough has,” her eyes flash a bright blue, something Derek can’t help but stare, half amazed half terrified, at. It’s a look, definitely, but the memory of her he’d left Beacon Hills with had been a beta, golden eyed and with a light he hasn’t caught sight of yet ever since he came back.

  He’d arrived mid battle, and it had taken the younger Hale more than he’d liked to admit that the blue-eyed werewolf that had been effortlessly slipping throats was the same (Y/N) Stilinski he’d left behind. 

“What, cat got your tongue, Bad Wolf?” she sneers out the nickname, opposed to the usual fondness she spoke it with, and Derek looks away, ashamed that he has nothing to say. The light is still red, and time couldn’t be passing by any slower. “What does it matter to you, anyways? What is so important that you need to know what changed the color of my eyes?”

“You are,” he says simply, oh, and (Y/N) hates him for that. Hates him because he’s not good with words, they’re both well aware of that, but sometimes he has these brief times of clarity in which he says things like these, and it takes all energy inside (Y/N) not to kiss him senseless. If Derek notices the change in her heart rate, he does not show or mention it. “You always have been, (Y/N)-”

“You can’t disappear for over a year and come back, say things like that and want me to just crawl back to you,” (Y/N) spits out, but the way she struggles to get out her words makes Derek believe she’s lying her ass off. Even when fighting, there’s something that links her to him, and invisible force that’s been pushing her to him, ever since he arrived. She looks desperate, eyes faded back to the familiar brown, and even in this mess, Derek has never loved her more. “And I’m not expecting you to,” he insists, even though he’d like nothing more than to embrace her tightly, just like he did when he first kissed her, and shelter himself from all the dangers in Beacon Hills. It doesn’t matter. He’d rather get his point across even if it meant not having her for him again.  “But I know what that color in your eyes does to you.”

She tenses, looks away and stupidly hopes that now that the light is back in green, they’ll move on and she won’t have to have this conversation. She already went through all of this with Scott. It was his house (Y/N) had crashed into after it happened, in the middle of the night, babbling about a hunter who’d managed to intercept her in the woods, and how she had no other option but to defend herself. She rambled about how she’d realized too late, he was a father, to someone at their school (someone (Y/N) had considered a friend until now, too afraid to cross their path ever again since that night), and two other little kids, had a wife, a family. The blood, there was blood everywhere, his blood, and (Y/N) had caught her glowing golden eyes in the reflection of her phone, shifting to a cool, bright blue, it slipping from shaking hands when she’d realized that she could never go back to what she used to be. She was a killer, a monster-

“Hey,” Derek calls, soft and concerned about the fact that it seems that she hasn’t been listening to a word he’s been saying, which only proves his point further. (Y/N) seems in some sort of trance, staring at the nothingness of the road in front of them as her hands wrung with each other, a nervous tic he recognizes well enough. Derek can’t help but reach to hold one of them in both of his. “(Y/N).”

She snaps out of it, albeit slowly, first her mind returning to where she is, in a car, with Derek, far away from the night in question, and long moments later she’s removing her hand quickly from his grip, unable to look at him in the eye. “You should drive,” she mumbles, for the first time since she engaged this conversation with Derek remembering that there’s an outside world they belong and should be helping. (Y/N) looks around, searching for hunters hidden in the shadows, ready to attack the two distracted werewolves. “I don’t want to die because you were having a mental breakdown in the middle of the street.” “Look who’s talking,” he scoffs, not even pretending that he wants to follow her orders. He shifts his torso completely and abandons the task of meeting Scott at the school completely, earning an immature huff from the teenager besides him. “Please, let’s just- talk this out. What killing someone does to you? An innocent person? It changes you, (Y/N). I know that all too well.”

He reaches for her hands again and this time she falls into his embrace, enough for him to notice but not quite for him to assume he’s forgiven. (Y/N )thinks about the nightmares and the visions, shivers, and decides he’s right, even if she’s not willing to admit it to him.

“And if you don’t know how to manage it,” he continues, somewhat frantically, the mere idea of (Y/N) losing herself to her own mind being too much for him to handle. Derek remembers as clear as crystal what killing Page felt like, that night tattooed into his memory despite how much he’d begged his mother to take it away, and he would never even dare to wish someone else that heavy feeling of guilt on their chest. Let alone someone he loves, probably too much. “It- it destroys you completely. And I don’t want that for you. I can’t let you-”

He hesitates, frustrated, but (Y/N)’s looking at him with those wide eyes that he loves, and he wants to spill everything he’s got to say there and then. Can’t let you lose yourself like this, I’m sorry I left, I love you, I’ve always loved you, I’m sorry, I-

“It was a hunter,” she finally admits, when Derek doesn’t continue. He feels her trying to pull away, but he tightens his grip, and something softens in her features when he does. Derek’s not sure if he should count that as progress. “He caught me in the woods after a late study night with Lydia, tried to hit me with wolfsbane bullets. I slit his throat.”

Derek doesn’t flinch at the harsh wording, but (Y/N)’s voice does crack, and he hates himself, he so does and wishes he could turn back time so he could be there, even if she hadn’t run to him when in danger, he at least would’ve found out the right way and not mid battle when she turned to him with that blue stare that could freeze hell over if she wanted it.

“I didn’t know what to do,” she continues, sounds half as panicked as she actually was that night, crying and shaking and covered in blood. “I’d never, y’know, obviously, so I ran, and it took me too long to realize where I was going. It was until I got to the loft that I remembered there was no one there.”

He can hear her heart beat wildly against her chest, so he’s completely sure she hears his when it does a flip on his chest at the revelation.

“I ended up going to Scott’s, but I-” she bites her lip, suddenly looks exhausted as she leans into the car seat and looks up at him, movements sluggish. “I was so out of it, and so, so terrified of what would happen next. And when he held me, he told me it would be okay I just kept thinking- I wished it had been you.  Even after you left, everything ended up being about you somehow.”

It’s what he’s been waiting for to make his move, he realizes, as he lets go of her hand and leans into her, seatbelt and all, takes her face into his hands and kisses her, almost as passionately as he did two years ago for the very first time, with more longing and want that he ever imagined someone would be able to keep inside their body.

(Y/N) kisses him back, equally as desperate, hands fleeting all over his body, as if she didn’t know what she wanted to rememorize first. His broad shoulders, his neck, his cheeks, his chest, all clothed and unclothed skin burning at her touch, his body eagerly responding to the hands of his soulmate. It’s amazing how well they fit against each other, even after all this time and here, now, in the oddest of places when their lives are so, very much in danger.

Somehow, he feels like it’s the first time he can breathe freely in months. “I’m here now,” he breathes when they part, hot words near enough to her lips for (Y/N) to shiver against him, for a whole new different reason rather than a few moments ago. She opens her eyes to look up at him, even if she ends up cross eyed, Derek knows her attention needs to be completely on him as he says this. They both need a resolution, and Derek really hopes that giving it to her doesn’t mean the end of their relationship. “It might not be enough right now, or ever, but I am. If you want me to stay, I will. If you want to run away to college then I’ll be right behind you. I’m never leaving you again. I don’t think I would be able to live with myself if I did.”

One of (Y/N)’s hands rests above Derek’s chest, and there’s nothing but complete sureness beneath it, the rhythmic beating of her heart assuring her towards complete tranquility. He’s never been one of public displays of affections, specially if it meant having one of their too many enemies realize how important she is to him. Nevertheless, his heart has never once lied to her. Its beats are as familiar to her as her brother’s sarcasm or her father’s embrace, her mother’s face moments before she passed, all things that she has committed to memory.

No one, not her father finding out about the supernatural, not Stiles being kidnapped by the Wild Hunt, not even Theo Raeken, who came crashing into her life more than once, the last time with the wish of earning his redemption and planting more than one sinful kiss against her mouth in hopes of making her forget about the Wolf (Y/N) just couldn’t seem to forget, were able to make her forget him. And after getting her heart broken by Derek Hale, it had been all she had wanted for so, so long. 

And right now, she thinks, with the promise of him being hers, even after everything, and despite what supernatural threat might come to them, (Y/N)’s sure that he has never loved him more. 

So, she kisses him again.

so. hi.

yes, i know i haven’t written anything that i promised since, like, june or july of last year. i also know i gave you the summary of this story MONTHS AGO but i hated what i had written (which was something almost as long as this) and forced myself to restart and give u my best aka something im kinda okay with.

and this is it! IM SO SORRY i have been gone for so long, and whatever i write and post next won’t be much for a while, school’s keeping me busy and rehearsals for the school’s musical are, well, not exactly a drag, but they do take a lot of my time.

in the meantime, i hope you enjoy this material and don’t be afraid to request for more! i can’t say i’ll have it ready soon but i can say it’ll be my best.

thank u so, so much to those who have stuck around, even after my worst case of writer’s block, yet, and i hope for your opinion on this!

much, much love,

- e.

[tomfooleryprime]

I love Sarek. But he’s really not that great.

Sarek and Amanda are my favorite couple, not just in Star Trek, but ever. I’ve written more than half a million words of fanfiction about them. I’ve watched episodes featuring them so many times I secretly worry Netflix will put me on blast.

But I am not a Sarek apologist.

I’m pretty sure what draws most people to this couple is the age-old romantic notion that opposites may attract but the power of love can overcome anything. Cue cheesy instrumental music and a torrid kiss in the rain at a train station. I imagine a lot of women see themselves in Amanda, a seemingly regular woman with a regular life. Then they see a successful guy like Sarek, a dude who’s physically fit, well-educated, powerful, and absurdly intelligent, and it’s only natural that a recipe for hotness is born.

Because I’ve devoted literally years to dreaming up various ways this couple might have shacked up and vomiting the results all over AO3, I’ve also been forced to examine the personalities of both characters in great detail, and the only consistent conclusion I come to is fanon (myself included) gets it wrong most of the time.

Their marriage can’t have always been smooth sailing. If you’re not willing to believe me, then believe Amanda. 

Oh sure, there are tons of one-shots where they have little spats, but they almost always end with both of them making heart eyes at each other and jumping into bed. I get that Star Trek originated in the 1960s, but that doesn’t mean Sarek and Amanda had one of those “golly gee” wholesome relationships that could put Ward and June Cleaver to shame. 

Whichever version of Sarek you personally subscribe to, be it Mark Lenard, Ben Cross, or James Frain, it’s entirely possible to find the actors attractive but still think the character of Sarek could use some improvement. It’s also possible to love a character and admire their good qualities while being disappointed in their shortcomings. Maybe it makes me a shitty fangirl. Maybe it makes me realistic.

Literally decades of fanfiction and fan art have polished over Sarek’s unprettier bits, often portraying him as a hopeless romantic, a tender lover, a devoted father, and a man fiercely dedicated to his wife. I’m not going to argue each of those is patently false—hell, as a fanfiction writer, I’ve bought into some of those tropes myself—but I think some are truer than others. Let’s examine the canon.  

When we first meet him in “Journey to Babel,” he’s callous and aloof. He’s Vulcan, I get it, more on that later. But seriously, the guy has a habit of summoning his wife and acts like he doesn’t even know his own damn son. No one should be standing up to enthusiastically applaud and hand the man a husband or father-of-the-year trophy. Even Amanda seems pretty resigned to the arrangement.

I already know what the pushback to this assertion will be. He’s Vulcan! You can’t judge a Vulcan by human standards! Well, his wife is human and one of his sons is half-human, so I would argue that it should at least be an option, but I wrote a whole other essay on Star Trek’s moral relativism problem. 

Long story short, Star Trek glosses over a lot of moral and ethical dilemmas by using the argument, “Who are we to judge a culture we’re not part of?” I can’t answer that, but I will say someone once gave me a great piece of advice that I think applies to this idea of moral relativism: no person’s belief is inherently worthy of respect, but every person is. Maybe to understand Sarek as a person, we should look first at Sarek as a Vulcan.

Obviously Sarek subscribes to Vulcan philosophy, and while Vulcan philosophy seems pure as hell with its pacifism and its belief in embracing Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations (IDIC), I’m going to assert the Vulcan adherence to that philosophy seems to be a little lunch counter in nature. Yes, they take two scoops of resting bitch face and they’ll pass on the extra helping of tolerance. Sarek hails from a culture that is ostensibly exclusionary, sexist, and xenophobic in its practices.

When we encounter Vulcans in Enterprise, they’re people who mock humans for being too volatile, go to war with their Andorian neighbors, and aggressively purge the Syrranites for wanting to get back to the true meaning of Surak. But you might say, but that was before the Federation! They got better when they put T’Pau in charge.

Really? When we meet them next in the chronological timeline in Discovery, they’re telling Sarek they’ll only admit one of his weird social science pet projects (or as Sarek calls them, his kids) to the Vulcan Expeditionary Group.

In the Discovery episode “Light and Shadows,” Amanda reveals that Spock had a learning disability as a young child, which clearly embarrassed Sarek. Sadder still? Amanda explains there didn’t seem to be any educators on Vulcan willing to help a half-Vulcan child with a human learning disability. 

In the alternate timeline, when Spock applies to the Vulcan Science Academy, the admissions folks give him a pat on the back for achieving so much, despite his great disadvantage of having a human mom. Replace the word “human” with any religious, racial, or ethnic group, and see how you still feel about that sentence. 

Yes, Vulcans have racists and nationalists just like the rest of us and it doesn’t seem like they’re a rare breed either. Sarek is clearly attempting to be a better Vulcan, so kudos to him. However, not being an overt racist is not synonymous with sainthood. 

It’s pretty obvious throughout canon that while Sarek loves his wife, he’s uncomfortable with humanity, and he’s doubly perplexed with the humanity she imparted in their son. She even directly accuses him of never truly respecting humanity, to which he replies:

Which, let’s be honest, sounds like the rough equivalent of the “I can’t be racist because I have a black friend” defense. So many things in canon point to Sarek being utterly baffled by humans, not cutely intrigued by them as so often seen in fanon. The only time Spock and Sarek seem chummy with each other is when they’re mocking Amanda’s human emotionalism in “Journey to Babel.” Whether or not he meant to (and he definitely meant to), Sarek raised a son who saw his human half as a thing to be overcome.

Discovery has also hammered a lot of nails into the affectionate father coffin. Up until the final episode in season 1, he never called Michael his daughter and instead referred to her as his ward. It’s nice that he finally got over that technical distinction, but it doesn’t exactly conjure up the image of him tucking her into bed and giving her a kiss on the forehead.

He seems to accept her humanity because, well, she is human, but his own son’s humanity isn’t ok? Not like it matters, because his plan was to mold Michael into a Vulcan-like human anyway, which is pretty weird when you think about it. At one point, Michael tells Sarek she knows he must have considered the effect a Vulcan education and lifestyle might have on a human child, but she wants to know what he wanted Spock to learn from the experience of having a human sibling. His reply?

Which is... nice? He doesn’t say the only reason he took Michael in was for her to be his son’s empathy tutor, but he does essentially admit he was worried Spock was becoming too much of a momma’s boy. So the theory that Sarek was just scooping up orphans all over the galaxy like some kind of Vulcan Angelina Jolie doesn’t seem accurate. It gives the distinct impression that even Sarek thought of his hodge-podge brood as an experiment, at least to a degree.

Now, some may argue that Sarek never told Spock that he had to follow Surak’s teachings, which is true-ish. But that’s like telling a kid, “You don’t have to believe in Jesus” and then sending them to a Christian school in the heart of the Bible belt. What decision did he imagine his son would choose when he decided to raise him on Vulcan and stand by when other kids beat him up for not being Vulcan enough?

Seriously, Spock was almost guaranteed to turn out one of two ways: either he would just try harder to out-Vulcan everyone, which he did, or he would give logic the middle finger, which, well, is the option Sybok chose to run with. 

Despite fanfiction and fanart imagining him as this really hands-on parent who changes diapers and decorates baked goods (yes, I wrote a story like this and I’m calling myself out), he admits he’s the kind of dad who works late in the evenings, not the kind that reads stories at bedtime. 

It’s also no secret that as a parent, Sarek holds grudges. In “Journey to Babel,” Amanda confesses that Sarek and Spock haven’t spoken as father and son for eighteen years. In “Brother,” Michael asks Sarek when the last time he spoke to Spock was and he concedes it’s been years. In “Light and Shadows,” he’s clearly [Vulcan] pissed that Amanda is harboring a fugitive, who also just so happens to be his own son.

Is Sarek just that logical that he believes in justice even at a high personal price, or is he embarrassed that his own estranged son has been accused of murder and appears to be in the clutches of a mental breakdown? As far as I can tell, it might just be a little bit of both. 

Then there’s the idea that Sarek is a caring and devoted husband. Is there actually any evidence for this in canon, other than he was married to Amanda and had a family with her? Lots of people are married and have kids and don’t have a relationship that would rival that annoying couple on This is Us. 

Their relationship doesn’t seem like an equal partnership based on compromise, but rather one where Sarek does what he damn well pleases and Amanda follows along as a dutiful wife. 

Amanda gave up a lot of things to be with him: her home, her culture, and potentially even her own son’s well-being. The woman went to extremes for love not even witnessed on the Bachelor, and why?

In some contexts, that sounds like the powerful kind of love and devotion that epic-poems would be based on. In other contexts, it sounds almost like a pathological self-martyrdom. Did Sarek ever fully appreciate her sacrifices? It’s hard to say, but if he did, I doubt he ever voiced his appreciation. 

In his later years, when Sarek is losing his mind due to an age-related degenerative disease and he mind melds with Captain Picard, he tearfully muses (as Picard), “Amanda. I wanted to give you so much more. I wanted to show you such tenderness. But that is not our way. Spock? Amanda? Did you know?”

He's strongly implying he never told Amanda he loved her out loud. I’m sure he did love her, but it hardly bodes well for the idea that he’s a flowers and handmade cards kind of guy. And as for the notion that behind closed doors, he and Amanda had a super intimate relationship that would make even characters in Harlequin romance novels swoon, please, point me to an episode that makes you think that. I will watch it every day for the rest of my life. 

In summary, between his first chronological appearance in Discovery to his death in The Next Generation, Sarek had a lot of improving to do as a person and we see evidence that he most certainly did. He came to accept Michael as his daughter. He started speaking to Spock again after wrecking his childhood and turning him over to Section 31. Even though it clearly exasperated the hell out of him, he occasionally gave into his wife’s emotional needs. 

But that’s still a pretty far cry away from galaxy’s best father, husband, or lover. I think that’s what draws me to this couple so much. Sarek and Amanda didn’t live happily ever after: they did the best they could and made it work, just like the rest of us non-fictional losers. 

What little we have of canon depicts them as a couple who likely got married before they really knew each other, probably should have spent their first few years of marriage in counseling, eventually figured one another out enough to raise three kids who could all probably benefit from some therapy, and loved each other no matter what, even if it wasn’t out loud.

[andaleduardo]

91 for that prompt thingy

(Thank you so much for sendind this in! I hope you like it

91: Tell me you need me

from this list (anyone can request more!)

Read on AO3

Fridaysare the worse, now.

Itwasn’t like this back in high school, or even during the first year of college.But now they’re older, flourished, whatever. And now, Eddie likes to go to dumbcollege parties every Friday and drag Ben and Richie along.

Thethree of them had planned out everything once they shared that they wanted togo to the same college. They made it happen, stuck together, and to Richie’s request, one of them hadto be his roommate in the dorms. He wouldn’t have it other way.

Atfirst, Eddie said no. There’s no way he’d share a small space with someone sounorganized and “lazy”. But in the three seconds that had followed,he must have thought about what it would be like to share a room with acomplete stranger, and he changed his mind on the spot. Luckily, Ben was more than okay with getting a roommate he never met before.

Withthat said, Richie was very pleased with the outcome. But now… Now, Eddie wasdifferent, finally free from his mother’s watch.Richie couldn’t blame him, exactly. The guy missed out on many things, and nowhe saw himself on his own, able to do whatever he pleased. So, that’s what hedid. And Richie could only hope Eddie would use his sane brain to think througheverything before actually doing something.

Itstarted the first time Eddie said they should go to a party.

Usually,Richie went to some, but only Ben had agreed to go with him, once, and Eddiealways refused. So, he went alone when he felt like drinking a little andunwinding from classes. The surprising factor here was, Eddie showed interest in going to a party.

Theywent, drank a little, enjoyed themselves. Richie had the amazing experience ofseeing Eddie drink something other than beer for the first time. The wholething went better than he had expected, in the end.

Butthen, next Friday came around and Richie found himself being dragged to yetanother party.

It justbugged him. Eddie wasn’t supposed to be into this. Richie always saw Eddie assomeone different, which wasn’t fair, but he couldn’t shake off the feelingthat seeing Eddie drinking and dancing was something odd. Richie couldn’t evenenjoy the parties, himself. He just stood aside watching him and thinking “What the fuck changed?”

Even Benwas a little weirded out. They ended up talking about it, the two of them. ButBen had said that Eddie was happy, and as long as he was careful and conscious,Richie should support him.

Richietried.

Itwasn’t like he had the right to think anything about it. It’s not his life,Eddie can do whatever he wants. Maybe there was something wrong with Richie,after all, not Eddie. Maybe he was being a shitty, judgmental friend. He kept quiet about it, never questioned Eddie or his sudden desire to put himselfout there. But he couldn’t stop himself from keeping an eye out for him everyFriday, even if Eddie stopped asking for their company after a party number four.Richie counted.

That’show he found himself on wobbling knees a few weeks ago, at the sight of Eddiekissing a random guy that he could faintly recognize from one of his classes.

It tookevery puff of breath out of Richie’s lungs, and he had to force himself to turnaround and leave before he could set his mind up to go and sock the guy’s noseout of his face.

Thatnight, Richie found himself crying in his small and uncomfortable dorm bed andblamed it on the little he had to drink.By the time he heard Eddie come back and curse under his breath when hestumbled to find his bed, Richie set his mind to one thing.

Hewished they weren’t roommates.

Thingsonly got worse after that.Eddie started getting quieter during the day. Their conversations became drierand fewer, which broke Richie’s heart for reasons he tried not to understand.

Eventually,he did. Richie understood. The feelings he carried and emotions he showed andhid, everything. Eddie was more important to him than he had actually realized.

Itwasn’t so rough coming to terms with that. Richie accepted it easily, but itonly seemed to break him more. Because now he knows what he is facing. Theperson he fell for kissing other people, the person he fell for gettingdistant, the person he fell for growing in ways Richie wanted to experiencefirst hand. He might have realized all of this months too late, but Richie wished he couldhave been the first mouth Eddie’s lips met. Wished he could have been the firstperson to dance with him on his first college party, and much more.

That’swhy it hurt in excruciating ways deep within his chest when, one night, Richiehad to watch Eddie leave the party they were currently at, with another boy whokept getting his hands all over his body.

The hardestpart, Eddie seemed into it, eager. Their eyes met for a second and, once again,Richie had to sip from his cup and turn to leave before giving too much thoughtto Eddie’s blown out pupils. He felt sick to his stomach while dragging hisfeet to their dorm.

Eddie.Eddie touching someone else. Someone else touching Eddie.

That wasthe last thought swimming through Richie’s brain before he allowed himself tofall on top of the cheap mattress that seemed to have become his best companionover the last semester.

So,maybe the sight of Eddie licking another guy’s mouth open was worth bleachingyour eyes for. But instead of bleach, Richie cleaned his eyes out withreluctant, embarrassed tears. Because he had no right to cry over Eddie, noright to blame him for his acts and how they may affect Richie’s feelings thatEddie doesn’t even know about.

Andmaybe that’s for the best. There’s still a chance to go back, nothing’s ruinedyet. But Richie still cried. His efforts to push away the sick, mental imagesof Eddie’s body under someone else’s not working.

It’s inthose moments that he really wished Eddie and him weren’t roommates, becausethe door opened suddenly, and Richie lifted his head up from the tear stainedpillow to stare puzzlingly at the door.

Eddiewas leaning against it, looking a bit too pink, messed up hair and the shirtthat had been previously tucked inside his jeans was now creased and untidy.Something inside Richie felt incredibly wrong, and to top it all, Eddiewouldn’t look at him, instead just going about his business and getting readyfor bed.

Richieshould have thought before speaking, but he just had to ask.

“Eds.”He cleared his throat. “Are you okay?”

Richie’svoice must have sounded worse than he realized, because Eddie, who was sittingon his bed with his back turned to Richie, stopped midway of getting his shoesoff and snapped his neck to face him.

“Are youcrying?” He asked, incredulous. Richie saw Eddie���s tired expression turn intoone of worry. “What’s wrong?” He got up, one shoe still on the left foot, andwalked over to Richie’s bed. Richie widened his eyes and he shook his head,curls bouncing.

“Rich,you’re crying.” Richie denied it again, giving Eddie some space as the boyclimbed up into bed with him and toed the other shoe off. “Your cheeks areliterally wet.” Eddie gave a short sympathetic smile. “What happened?”

Richielet his head fall on the pillows again and took in the sight in front of him.Eddie smelled like someone else, his own scent barely there, lost under a layerof sweat and some other boy’s cologne. He was dressed up, far too differentfrom the things he used to wear before this whole glow up started. Richie triedto find his Eddie again, in this boy laying beside him. He was scared for amoment that he wouldn’t.

I’ve lost him, he thought. I’ve lost the most important personin my life.

Hismouth worked against his will.

“I- tellme you’re still you, that… that I didn’t lose you…” He whispered through weaksobs, unsure of how to control himself. “Eds,do you still need me? Tell me you need me.”

Eddie’smouth fell open. He was quiet for some time, or long enough for Richie to lookaway and regret. He probably didn’t make much sense, Eddie probably thought hewas plainly drunk.

Finally,he broke the silence. “…You’re the only person I’ll ever need, Richie.” Eddie’sscrunched up his eyebrows. “And I’m still me, I’ll always be me.”

Thewords made him look up. He searched every bit of Eddie’s face.

It was inhis eyes, that always carried something bright, noticeable even in the dark,that Richie found him. Eddie’s eyes are still the same, uncertain, somewhatinnocent, young, loveable, trustworthy.

The remainingtears dried up, Eddie’s words enough to calm him down. Richie nodded and allowedhis gaze to rest upon other places. Eddie’s hands, shoulders, neck. There weresome new marks painting the softest looking skin Richie has ever found. For now,they were mostly red and pink, soon to become purple, and hopefully quick todisappear.

“Whathappened?” He spoke softly. That’s when he realized his hand had somehowtravelled to rest against the bruises painting his neck, fingers slowly tracingthem.

Eddie’sbehaviour changed in a matter of seconds. His cheeks started to tint, and he turnedhis body to stare at the ceiling.

“You’llmake fun of me.” He whispered.

“I wouldnever.” With interest, Richie got up on one elbow, wiped his damp cheeks andsniffled. “What’s up?” He pocked Eddie’s ribs.

Shrinkingaway from the touch, Eddie shrugged and bit his lip. He didn’t look like he’dspeak any time sooner.

“I’massuming it wasn’t hot, heavy sex ‘cause you were gone for like… fifteen minutes?”Richie tried to liven up the mood, but it sort of ended up making it worse forhimself. He really didn’t need to know further on the topic.

Eddiegroaned, clearly embarrassed. “Yeah, fifteen minutes without me and you had abreakdown, Tozier.” He played right back.

Richiestayed quiet, not knowing what to say. Eddie whined after a bit and covered hisface with both hands. “It wasn’t even close to sex…”

Tryingnot to look too pleased, Richie pushed on. “Then what happened?”

“Nothinghappened. That’s kind of the issue.” Eddie sighed and dropped his hands by hissides. Correcting himself, he added. “Well, no. Not an issue, I just-” He groaned,conflicted. “It wouldn’t feel right.”Eddie finally looked into Richie’s eyes before continuing. “If it was him, Imean.”

If hewasn’t too careful, Richie thought he’d start crying again, for slightly betterreasons, hopefully. “Would if feel right with anyone else?”

“Notanyone…” Eddie didn’t look away. “Just, maybe someone-”

“Bigger?”Richie’s big mouth ruined, yet another, possibly good moment.

“No!” Immediately, Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose and his featuresscrunched up in disgust. “What the fuck, Richie, I knew you’d make fun of me!”

“I’m not,I’m not, I swear!” He couldn’t help but chuckle light heartedly through hisstuffy nose. Confidently, Richie lowered his head to rest it upon Eddie’s torso.“Sorry…” He sighed once Eddie’s fingers started to run through his hair. “Is it bad thatthat makes me happy?” He whispered.

“Hm?”Eddie inquired, his hands not faltering once.

“Thatyou didn’t have sex tonight.” Richie clarified. That made Eddie’s actions stop for a second. “Is it bad that I’m happyabout it? Am I an awful person?” His voice sounded small again.

Eddiedidn’t speak for a long time, Richie thought that he wouldn’t breathe againunless Eddie said something. But they just stood there in silence until,eventually, Eddie resumed his actions of untangling the knots in Richie’s hair.

“I left aguy with blue balls, literally ran the fuck out of his room.” Eddie’s wordsmade both of them chuckle, a tiny layer of nervousness palpable. “I told you itdidn’t feel right.”

Richiewasn’t sure if he was supposed to say something back, either that or Eddie wasstuck in what to say next. “You did.”

“It didn’tfeel right… because it wasn’t you.” Under his hands, Eddie felt Richie’s bodytense up.

In asnap, Richie lifted his head up and stared down at Eddie. He had the biggestdorky smile plastered on his face.

“It’s nota joke, right? I’ll never let you live that down, Eds. You’re fucking stuckwith me.” He couldn’t stop his stupid, lovestruck smile.

Eddierolled his eyes, but Richie saw through that. “Sorry I said someth-”

“Can Ikiss you?” Richie cut him off, too much energy vibrating through his veins atthe moment. He blurted out. “I’ll make it feel right.”

Eddie simplysmiled, eyes always shiny, and brought both hands up to sit on either side ofRichie’s face, fingers resting behind his ears. He whispered back.

“I knowyou will.”

(Perma?) Tag List (apparently I have one of those now) @constantreaderfool @mrs-vh

[nextstarblazers]

EPISODE 19

“We all know Homer pretty well, and his outburst this afternoon sort of bothers us. He said things I’m sure he didn’t mean--but still, he did touch on what’s worrying all of us. Just what are our chances, really, of getting to Iscandar and returning to Earth with the Cosmo DNA?” -- Mark Venture

This is the last of the smaller, more personal episodes that make up the spine of the middle section of the first series of STAR BLAZERS, and it’s a good example of how the human drama was just as important, if not more important, than the space battles and pyrotechnics in the success of the show. Once again, it’s a bit blunted from its source material, but it still packs an emotional wallop, and is about greater considerations concerning faith and hope and fortitude than any other show during this time period was delivering.

The episode opens by immediately establishing its point of human drama. Homer, the Star Force’s communications officer, is at his wits’ end, and so he goes to visit Doctor Sane. He complains of a constant ringing in his ears, and he can’t eat or sleep. Recognizing the twin signs of homesickness and stress from being cooped up aboard ship for several months, Dr. Sane recommends a session in the Holography Room, a concept that had been set up in one of the earliest episodes of the show, but not touched upon since.

This was more than a decade before STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION made the Holodeck a recurring locale and plot point of its series, and it functioned in much the same way. Nova projects Holography Tapes that Homer recorded before the ship left Earth, reconstructing Homer’s home town. (Presumably, these films were made before the Gamilon bombing, as they seem to be taking place on the tranquil surface.) But when Homer sees his elderly mother gathering wood, he has a full-on emotional breakdown. Nova is mystified as to what is going on with him.

Part of Homer’s stress, it seems, may be due to a new development. Under mysterious circumstances, and despite now being 70,000 light years from Earth, the Star Force has discovered that it can once again communicate with its home planet. It’s a source of much joy among the crew as the recovering Captain Avatar calls in to Earth Defense Headquarters to update them on the Star Force’s mission (In YAMATO, a number of specific details are listed that STAR BLAZERS omits, such as the fact that their mission is presently 51 days and 61,000 light years behind special, but that by warping twice a day for a distance of 1,200 light years each time, he believes they can be back on Earth in 152 more days.) but some uncertainty to, as the crew becomes aware of just how bad conditions are currently on Earth.

Adding to this, Homer bursts into the room and has a full-on meltdown: “You’re all a bunch of idiots listening to that! What are you all doing here? Do you like being fooled? Don’t you realize no one here knows anything at all about where we’re going? Captain, have you ever been to Iscandar? Every space warp takes us further into the dark unknown! We’re on a fool’s errand, and Gamilon is waiting, and waiting, and waiting! They know all about space! They’re playing with us! They let us go a little ways, then pounce! Like a cat with a mouse! You don’t know how bad things are on Earth! They won’t tell you!” It’s a tour de force performance by Homer’s voice actor. When Captain Avatar asks Homer about the source of his information, the communications officer hyperventilates and passes out. 

Morale continues to break down for the Star Force crew that evening, when Captain Avatar invites the senior staff to dinner, to thank them for their assistance during his recovery period. Rattled by Homer’s outburst, Mark Venture takes the opportunity to voice what is running through everybody’s minds at this point: is Homer right? Is their mission to save Earth doomed? What, really, are their chances of success, alone against an overwhelmingly more powerful enemy force? STAR BLAZERS makes an interesting and positive choice here, to eliminate the upbeat cut of music that plays over Venture’s monologue in the YAMATO episode. It’s one of the few times that I can think of where the American show drops music from the soundtrack--but it lends a greater sense of weight to venture’s question.

It falls to Captain Avatar to try to put the crew’s mind at ease, even while he must be holding some of the same misgivings himself: “Venture, we’ve come this far together. It’s true we don’t know what lies ahead, but no one knows tomorrow. There are no guarantees. We know we’ve been entrusted with the life of Earth. Only the Star Force can save Earth. To do that, we must believe in a future for all of us. To do our job today. If we don’t, we’re lost. Earth is lost.” The rest of the meal passes in silence.

At this point, as they did a few episodes ago, the production team on STAR BLAZERS chooses to shuffle a few scenes from the source material, to more clearly convey what is going on. So at this point we cut (with a bad slice on the music cue) to Balan, where an aide reports to General Lysis that their communications relay satellite is allowing the Star Force to contact Earth, and that this is all a psy-ops strategy to destroy the morale of the crew (while also gathering intel about the Star Force, I’d assume.) In YAMATO, this scene doesn’t show up until much later.

As the previous music cue fades up again, we see Homer awaken in the middle of the night and make his way down to the communications room, dismissing the crewman who is on station there. With nobody else around, he contacts Earth--and specifically, the home of his elderly parents. He’s been doing this routinely, we learn--and his father is extremely ill. 

Actually, he’s quite a bit more than ill, but STAR BLAZERS cuts out the harshest portions of this next bit from YAMATO, as Homer’s mother tells him that Food is growing scarce and that riots have become a daily danger in the underground cities. In order to provide for his wife, Homer’s father went out into one of the riots to secure them food, and was terribly injured as a result. (STAR BLAZERS chalks up his conditions to fatigue from having worked so hard to build the underground cities.) 

As his mother turns the viewscreen to the bed in which her husband lies, so that he can see his son Homer one last time, Homer’s father tells him to get back to Earth, that his mother needs him--and then he dies. Again, STAR BLAZERS conceals this death, having him simply pass our--but you can see the sheet covering his face in the very last shot in this sequence, as Homer turns to discover that Wildstar has learned his secret. Almost insane, Homer bolts from the room.

Homer races to the bridge where, for some reason, Venture is the only one on duty, piloting the Argo. Homer begs Venture to turn the ship around: “Venture, we’ve got to get back to Earth! Turn around! It’s not too late yet! Please! I’ve been talking to Earth! My family--my father’s sick! My mother--s-she cried! Look, I’m begging you! We’re never gonna make it! Turn back!” Again here, Homer’s voice performer really sells the genuineness of the moment. But it’s to no avail--Venture will not chance course, and so Homer races out again, just steps ahead of Wildstar, who’s been pursuing him. 

The pair call down to Conroy on the flight deck, who saw him creeping around near the space suit lockers. YAMATO provides a bit of ill-timed fan service at this point, as Nova comes out of her room in her nightgown. She was looking out of the porthole in her cabin and saw Homer drift past, scaring the hell out of her. From here, we get a wonderful shot of the very end of the standard Argo fly-by, with Homer left in its wake, trying vainly to swim through space back home.

This is the point in YAMATO where the narrative switches to Balan and General Lysis explains about the communications satellite he’s set up to follow the Argo and allow them to communicate with Earth. STAR BLAZERS instead has another rough music cut as the Argo, amazingly, comes to a halt and the Black Tiger squadron is dispatched to fly a search patrol for their missing crewman. It’s a very human gesture, but given that the fate of all mankind is at stake, it’s a bit astonishing that the Star Force puts the mission on hold this way. 

Meanwhile, Homer is floating through space, experiencing a full-on nervous breakdown. He hallucinates the Earth in the distance and half-passes out trying to reach it. Amazingly, he floats crash-bang into the relay satellite that’s been following the ship. It’s a pretty huge stretch given the size of space (and the fact that STAR BLAZERS never establishes that the relay satellite is literally trailing the Argo) but we’ll go ahead and give it to them. Recognizing the satellite for what it is, Homer realizes the implication and the danger to the Star Force that it represents. But he has no way to contact them. (You might think that, being the communications officer, he could use this enormous transmitter he’s sitting on to send them a message. But no such luck.)

Fortunately for Homer, Wildstar comes across him just a few minutes later. Now snapped back to reality by his discovery of the relay satellite (YAMATO spends a few seconds and some repeated footage in making Homer’s sudden recuperation feel more earned) Homer tells Widstar what the satellite is all about, and they destroy it using the guns in Wildstar’s fighter.

Communication with Earth is now once more cut off, but perhaps that’s for the best. “Our next message, we’ll be on our way home, “ says Homer, “with good news from Iscandar!” It’s quite a turn-around for the young officer, whose language almost makes him seem a bit Born Again. But it makes for an upbeat ending, and that’s what’s called for her. As the pair and the rest of the rescue team returns to the Argo, narration tells us that there are still only 255 days remaining for all life on Earth, so the mission must go on!

[good-rwbyaus]

Modern AU: College Romance and Goofy Shenanigans

The college AU where Jaune and Pyrrha meet at a dorm party they get dragged to, and surprise their friends by acting to completely out of character by disappearing for a day and a half and showing up together Monday morning covered in hickies and completely smashed.

Jaune: Surprisingly cheerful fellow with a spotted past. His family are very uninvolved in his life, and while they never derided him for his life choices, they never supported him either. He’s in college studying Law thanks to student loans, working overtime for two years before, and his ‘side-job’ at night. Which is participating in Dance competitions that he wins handily, while making side bets on himself through his friends the Twins and their Uncle ‘Junior’. Has an ex boyfriend who’s something of a stalker, and left his hometown in somewhat of a hurry to dodge him. Participates in renaissance weapon battles in his spare time. Occasionally charismatic, but lonelier than he lets on.

Pyrrha: Former child-model looking to escape that drama, she’s a sports enthusiast looking to study kinesiology. She and her parents moved to Vale last year, and she’s struggling to balance her budget thanks to the near-collapse of the Mistral economy and her subsequent buying their way into Vale citizenship eating at her savings from her career, with the rest being used to support her parents. She’s a shoe in for a sports scholarship, but is hesitant to become a ‘star’ again. Knows Palé (Ancient Greek Wrestling) and is a champion javelin thrower. Really wants friends, and a partner who will look past her ‘famous’ background.

Ren: Former drug dealer. Supported himself and Nora while they were in the orphanage thanks to his knowledge of herbs and their mixes; this led to him doing some shady things to get them the money to go to college. And their car. He stopped because Nora begged him to quit before he ruined his life supporting hers when she was just as willing to carry the load. He’s since gone straight, and still feels guilty about the stress he put on Nora with his actions. Studying culinary arts. Practices Tai Chi and judo in parks, and might have a sleeping disorder. Sells doughnuts and pastries at a kiosk in a farmer’s market every weekend.

Nora: The most cheerful waitress in existence. Works at a pancake house, and is pretty much the company mascot. Studying child psychology, and wants to become someone who helps kids. Worries about Ren, and feels guilty that he had to support them when they were younger, and as such spends all of her generous tips on him, despite his protests. Former champion of her school wrestling team. Low-key writes romance stories and is thinking of publishing them.

Ruby: Youngest of the bunch, and stunted socially. Nearly became a shut-in due to social anxiety attacks in her last few years of high-school. Struggles with socialization and dealing with crowds, but wants to change that, even if the thought scares her. Studies metallurgy and wants to be a blacksmith, but will settle for engineering. Her uncle taught her CQC for self-defence and as a way to get her out of the house. Was made to live in a dorm rather than sharing an apartment with Yang as a way to reintegrate her with society.

Weiss: Singer, heiress, and slumming it in a college her father didn’t pick for her out of spite. When her money runs out after her first semester when he cuts her off, she finds herself managing her finances and getting a job as a lounge singer. Stuck rooming with Ruby due to luck, but wound up having a soft spot for her after seeing one of her anxiety attacks. They may or may not cuddle in the same bed most nights. Fencing enthusiast and studying business.

Yang: Brawler and proud of it. Boxing champ and very proud of it. Not so proud of her criminal record and her sordid history with a ‘fight club’ that she used to pay for her apartment/condo. Made Ruby live in a dorm by lying about having a roommate, leading to a desperate search for one on the sly that led to Blake renting her spare room. Trying to get her life back in order after a rough few years, and studying criminology, hoping to be a law officer like her uncle, father, and mother.

Blake: Former terrorist, and freedom fighter both. Used to help smuggle people into new lives, and took advantage of the system for herself after becoming disillusioned with the White Fang. Wants to live peacefully, and is paranoid about being discovered. Works in a second-hand bookshop owned by other ‘retirees’ and pays Yang in cash rather than anything else. Studying sociology and wants to become an advocate of human rights and to build support groups. Kicks all kinds of ass.

*That time everyone noticed that Jaune and Pyrrha were missing after a party, and were united for the first time in their search for their mutual friends. They decide to hang out together more after everything is done.

*That time Jaune and Pyrrha met up at a party, bonded over their mutual awkwardness, and then connected over their loneliness. Then they ran off and started the whole mess.

They were tipsy enough to decide to go make their own fun: Jaune brought her to a Street Dancing competition, introduced her to the Twins and through them, Junior’s Club. Then they went and crashed at the Twin’ place after copious amounts of drinking, got a show, drinks literally poured down their throats, did tons of body shots, and wound up not having sex due to Jaune being a gentleman even while drunk. Both the Twins, and Pyrrha thought that was stupid, and they all got drunk again that morning just so Jaune and Pyrrha could have drunk-sex and pretend they’d done it the night before, also to kill their hangovers.

They went out for a late lunch, noticed that they were on the other side of town, and wound up going to see a movie. Went out for dinner and more drinks, stopped at another Street Dance-Off, won the couples round and the huge pile of prizes, then they wound up running away from Torchwick and Cinder, who are sore losers. They wind up hiding out in a strip club, and are incredibly awkward. Especially when they get offered a ‘couple’s special’.

They drink some more, talking about their family and money problems, and their jobs. They wind up making friends with two of the strippers, Reese and Arlsan, and go back to their apartment where they chat for most of the night about college and the things the students have to do to support themselves.

The Next morning they’re incredibly hungover, and Arslan fixes them up with a litre of water and a triple of scotch each. They’re wearing fresh clothes that they won off of Torchwick and Cinder, which explains their chase, and are showered and Jaune shaved with a pink safety razor. Arslan kisses them both on the cheek and sees them off, telling them to come back for drinks next weekend.

Their friends finally spot them heading for class hand in hand, nearly out of their minds with worry and asking all their classmates if anyone saw them after a day of searching their usual hangouts and filing police reports. They’re stunned to silence when Pyrrha kisses Jaune on the lips, calls him ‘dear’, wishes him a good day, and Jaune asks if they’re still on for dinner.

*That time they decided to help Ren sell his confections, and wound up dealing with the Pastry-Mafia. Threats were had. There may have been  a rumble in an alleyway after they trashed Ren’s kiosk.

*That time Jaune’s crazy ex Giles showed up on Halloween with a cult and they had to fight off eldritch abominations with Renaissance Fair weapons and superpowers.

*The day after, when Ruby wakes up and everyone else tells her what really happened after she got that concussion: kicking the ass of Jaune’s ex and the gang members wearing masks that he had with him.

Ruby and Yang’s Uncle Qrow, Federal Agent (and not a CIA Spy, no siree) is mighty impressed when he tallies up the damage report.

*That time the crazy serial killer that Jaune’s ex was involved with, Prelati, kidnapped him and Pyrrha smacked the crap out of a cult near single-handedly.

Qrow shares his flask with her, she kicked their asses so hard. He’s that impressed. Also, his nieces need to stop calling him in after shit like this goes down. He’s going to have a heart attack at this rate.

*That time everyone went out drinking and discovered that they were at the club Weiss works at, much to her embarrassment. The standing ovation was touching, but distracting! She’s trying to work here!

*That time Blake needed a date to infiltrate an event to determine if there was oppression for her campus-newspaper article, and brought Yang with her and they wound up going out for coffee after and hooking up when the sexual tension between them reached impossible heights.

*That time Ruby kept sneaking into Yang’s apartment at inopportune times, and was nearly traumatized by seeing Blake and Yang in bed together.

*That time SSSN dragged Jaune and Ren to a strip club and awkwardness ruled them all. And Pyrrha and Nora nearly killed them all. And everyone was stupefied that Jaune was on a first name basis with one of the strippers, Arslan, who offered him a discount, but only after asking if he and Pyrrha were doing okay.

*That time that Ruby met Weiss, made a horrible first impression, got lost going to her classes, spilled her lunch, and worked herself up into a panicked frenzy while imagining a year sharing a room with someone who hated her until she had a stress induced breakdown, and woke up a few hours later to find that Weiss was feeding her Hot Chocolate and Decaf-Coffee while cuddling with her under a blanket, telling her how sorry she is for ‘pushing her over the edge’ like that, and how panicked she was when she saw her curled up on the floor. She called her physician to make a house call, she was so worried.

Ruby just breaks down sobbing and tells her about her social-anxiety and panic attacks, and now her sister is going to show up for dinner and see what a mess she is when she was supposed to be going to college to change that. Weiss finds herself growing attached, despite herself, and takes stock of her roommate’s puffy eyes and smudged makeup.

When Yang shows up, Ruby introduces her to Weiss, who apologizes for covering Ruby in facial cream and nail polish when she was supposed to be going to dinner, they just lost track of time. Maybe they could reschedule to lunch tomorrow? Yang cheerfully says that the three of them are on, while Weiss sputters, and Ruby thinks that she’s smitten.

*That time when Weiss went out on a date with Neptune, and spent the entire evening telling herself that she liked men, while talking about Ruby every time he changed subjects.

*That time Blake borrowed Yang’s motorcycle to chase a burglar she thought might be a former White Fang agent, scratched the paint, and had to beg for Ren and Nora’s help fixing it before Yang came back from visiting her dad.

*That time the girls joined Pyrrha at the gym and hijinks ensued as they tried to compare their physical fitness to hers.

*That time Jaune talked about his relationship with Giles, and told everyone that according to his sisters he was obligated to wear women’s clothes half of the time they were dating, which led to some awkward habits forming, some sometimes funny, sometimes tragic moments going to church, and how their relationship broke down due to social pressure, their mutual and distinct social issues, and Giles’ issues with being seen dating a man.

Jaune admits that, in hindsight, the dress thing probably contributed to the breakdown.

*That time Weiss made it her duty to take Ruby shopping for swimsuits, and wound up giving herself more conflicting feelings.

*That time Yang crashed with Ruby for the weekend, and wound up talking about her sordid first few years away from home while drunk.

*She had a promising boxing career, scholarships on the horizon, and the potential to go to the nationals. But she became addicted to the adrenaline, and when she got offered the chance to make some extra money by doing some underground fights, she jumped at the chance.

She moved out of the house, leaving her father and sister, who she’d taken care of for too long, and lived for herself. She competed professionally less and less, and fought underground more and more, until one day, years later, she looked around her, at the crappy place she lived in, the money she never needed but still gambled, and couldn’t recall the last time she called her sister. And she felt shame.

Her pro-career might be gone, but she learned a lot in that time away. And her father and sister learned to get their shit together without her there. They all grew a little. And now she’s ready to move on with her life.

*That time Ren took ‘The Slothmobile’ and entered a street race in the desert to try and win some extra cash for next year’s tuition, with Jaune as his harried passenger and navigator.

**The Slothmobile is an old, Classic convertible that Ren and Nora have practically rebuilt after getting a good deal on it due to its condition. A very good deal. A very, very, almost suspiciously good deal. The Slothmobile is definitely not stolen. Ren just had very specific instructions to take it to a specific Insurance Dealership, and to ask for a Specific Teller, and to mention the Seller of the car along with their ‘guy-code’ phrase. It was covered in rust, scratched, and faded yellow with a tattered soft cover. They buffed out the rust, painted it in green with hot pink highlights.  (Ren won the color choice coin toss. Nora won the naming rights) They yanked out the busted radio, covered the seats in fake leather covers Nora made, and patched up the soft top with strips of leather and ceramic plates that look pretty good.

***They don’t pay for parking over half of the year, until the snow sets in. Otherwise, they keep moving it around parking lots they know it won’t be towed in for leaving it there.

 *That time Nora entered the ‘Professional Waitress Championship’ of the Kingdom, and needed Weiss’ help with the high-class etiquette portion.

*That time Blake’s ex Adam showed up and Yang winds up kicking his ass, only to discover that he’s a terrorist. Then she gets her Uncle to arrest him.

Blake may or may not bolt to her escape route, stop halfway across the city, turn around and run back to their apartment just in time to pin Yang to the floor when she gets back.

Then she cries. A lot. Especially when Yang starts telling her about her own sordid history, and tells her that she will find no judgement from her, just the acceptance she’s always wanted.

Most of Blake’s stuff (which is very little save for her books) is already thrown into a pair of large duffle bags. They unpack them in Yang’s room.

“Don’t tell Ruby I have a spare room again. Living in the dorm is good for her.” “I’m here as an excuse to keep her out, for her own good. That was our deal…” “Well… I think it’s more than that now…”

*That time Ruby steals all of Jaune’s renaissance weapons, and gets mistaken for an arms dealer by the police.

*That time they all go to the beach and wind up competing in a sand building contest and watching fireworks at night.

*That time Jaune and Pyrrha talk to Ren and Nora about splitting a mortgage and buying a house the four of them can share while they live in Vale.

*That time that everyone helped Weiss record and market her own single album. They ‘borrowed’ a lot of their equipment from the college, and had to sneak it back inside before anyone noticed, and almost got arrested doing it. Shenanigans and chases ensued!

*That time Yang dragged Weiss, Ruby, and Pyrrha bar hopping and they run into Cinder Fall, who is salty about her loss, and they get into a massive bar fight. Pyrrha defendeds Jaune’s honor, Ruby broke a chair over someone’s head, and Weiss stabbed someone with her stiletto shoes. Yang is impressed with all of them. Nora pouts about working that night and missing all the fun.

*That time Pyrrha’s parents came to visit, and Jaune thought they were traditionalists, leading to him trying to hide the evidence of them switching between dorm rooms to sleep with each other. Pyrrha’s parents troll him so much to get a feel for his character.

*That time Cardin Winchester found Jaune on campus, and tried to blackmail him with old pictures of Jaune crossdressing, and Pyrrha kicked his ass.

*That time Pyrrha and Jaune drove themselves crazy trying to plan a perfect valentine’s day gift for the other.

Basically, it’s Undergrads meet RWBY!

Massive AU filled with Fluff and Chaos here. Feel free to submit your own additions everyone! Go wild!

[sapphireswimming]

ship asks: lyle/anew, neil/tieria, allemarie

... omg this is going to get long XD

oKAY STARTING WITH LYLE AND ANEW

explain why do/don’t ship [pairing]

I very much ship Lyle/Anew because I think the two of them not only work well together, compliment each other, have chemistry, etc, but I think they’re really really /good/ for each other.

Lyle’s been compared to his seemingly perfect twin brother for his entire life and that’s been the cause of literally all of his problems. He finally got away from the comparisons on Earth after Neil disappeared and Lyle took up with Klaus and co., but then he voluntarily agreed to join Celestial Being where he immediately became the ghost-like spitting image of literally everyone’s favorite person and for him to walk into that knowing what would happen? BOY HOWDY I LOVE LYLE OKAY HE”S SUCH A FUNDAMENTALLY GOOD PERSON EVEN IF HE COMES ACROSS AS ROUGH AROUND THE EDGES.

But then they meet up with Anew at Krung Thep and she’s a really gorgeous, extremely talented, very kind young woman who never knew Neil and seems to like him as a person to boot. No one in Celestial Being seems to really know what to do with the whole like, human relations thing, let alone how-to-flirt, but Lyle hits it off with Anew and they spend some time together and when they’re about to leave, he regrets that he won’t be able to spend more time with her and then she’s like wELL ACTUALLY I”M COMING TOO and they both just seem so genuinely happy that they will be able to spend more time together and get to know each other better??

And there isn’t too much explicitly shown of their relationship aboard the Ptolemy after that, but we do know that they end up spending nights together in the same cabin and what I love is that what we see of it in show is them fully clothed, arms around each other, /talking/. About deeply emotional personal things and insecurities. Things that Lyle has probably never spoken about to anyone else in his life but he does so freely with Anew because he is comfortable around her and they trust each other and he wants her to understand him. And it doesn’t seem like an unusual occurrence for them to just share that space and hold each other and /talk/ and I love it okay??

And on Anew’s side, it’s so good for someone to get to know her as a person. The returning crew from season 1 is a really tight knit group given what they’ve been through and for Anew to have been the only one brought aboard that wasn’t family or close friend of another person on the Ptolemy must have been a really hard thing to try to fit into, but Lyle, who’s the other new guy on the crew, goes out of his way to make her feel comfortable and get to know her. And at the time, he doesn’t have a clue how important it is for someone to get to know her for who she truly is. Anew has no clue she’s an innovade at this point. I mean Lyle finds out before she does. He is the only one close enough to her to see that something is up as she’s blanking out and he puts together the pieces as they find out more about Ribbons’ group but he doesn’t say anything to alienate her or make them mistrust her or to make her feel bad about who and what she is or the fact that she’s technically the enemy. He just keeps on waiting and watching and falling further in love with her (to the point that he’ll even come out and say the words “I love you” over the comms, and while she gets all blushy and stuff as the bridge reacts, she’s genuinely pleased so even though I personally hate things like that, it was clear to me that it isn’t some random creepy public coercion, it’s Lyle making an emotional leap and being completely open about it, knowing that it’s going to be received okay).

When she finally gets flipped, Lyle does everything in his power to keep her from going without hurting her. His offer to go with her strikes a chord even /while she’s being mind-controlled/ like even a flipped Anew who is /holding Milaina hostage at gunpoint/ thinks that they could be together and lets down her guard at the possibility of making it a reality. And when it’s clear to everyone else that she’s their enemy (Setsuna even offers to kill her since he knows Lyle won’t), Lyle abandons the rest of the fight in order to bring her back from Ribbon’s control because she doesn’t belong to him damn it she is her own person and she loved /him/ and he /does/ even if it’s too late. But they loved each other. They /understood each other/ - Lyle’s past and present and both sides of Anew. And Lyle’s breakdown afterward makes me want to cry like omgggggg

And then he /adds her name to his family’s memorial/ like she is right up there with his mom and dad and Amy and /Neil/ she is is as important to him as they were and she was as much a part of his family as they were and this kills me. Like this wasn’t just a fling. He’s still sad and thinking of her in Trailblazer because Anew meant /a lot/ to him and even with the other romantic things happening in the movie, Lyle was still holding onto Anew in his heart and??????? I”M LOVE THEM

(other answers under the read more)

how did you start shipping [pairing]?

I mean this pairing is actually explicitly canon in the show so the relationship was there on screen. The more that was revealed and the more I thought through how they must interact to get to the point we see sort of solidified that not only was I okay with it, but I actually /liked it/ and let me tell you that was a surprise haha

do you prefer [pairing] as an otp, brotp, or notp?

They are actually an otp (which sounds suuuuuper weird to say what is this how do I have otps)

why do you think [pairing] is so popular?

I don’t actually know if they are a popular pairing? Are they? I think most of the others seem more popular haha

why do you think [pairing] isn’t popular?

I mean most things involving Lyle are pretty overshadowed and Anew is not around for a full season so?

rate [pairing] from 1-10 and explain why

9/10 THEY DESERVED A BETTER ENDING

what’s your favorite headcanon of [pairing]?

I cannot for the life of me think of a headcanon for them right now haha

But at the end of season 2, the crowd scenes included shots of other sleeper cell innovades, one of whom was the Anew type. And given Lyle’s ties to both Katharon and Celestial Being, I think that in his world traveling pro-peace efforts, he’d definitely run into someone who was the splitting image of Anew. And I think that that first encounter would be /rough/

Ironically so, given Celestial Being’s reaction to him when he joined hOLY COW I HAD NOT THOUGHT OF THIS PARTICULAR PARALLEL BEFORE D8

what’s your favorite canon moment of [pairing]?

I actually really love the moment when Anew tells Lyle that she’s going to join them on the Ptolemy because at that point it’s not anything romantic, it’s just the two of them being very happy and relieved that they get to spend more time together and get to know each other and have someone else they’re comfortable with on this ship full of relative strangers and it’s such a subtle shift in /everything/ and such a gooooood moment

favorite AU ideas for [pairing]?

HOW ABOUT THEY ARE ALIVE AND TOGETHER AND VERY VERY HAPPY FOR ALL TIME

rant about [pairing]

I think I did that earlier haha

what’s a meme/quote that reminds you of [pairing]?

I can’t think of any off the top of my head?

what song(s) remind you of [pairing]?

WELL I”M GLAD YOU ASKED! There’s a whole /playlist of songs/ that remind me of Lyle and Anew right here: https://open.spotify.com/user/laoraa2/playlist/32l0M4BHefI9yi3mCgOzcD

what kind of dates do you think [pairing] would go on?

I think they’d be happy going out about town, walking down streets together and people watching over coffee, going through museums and cool buildings, or having casual meals at restaurants. Not so much going out for fancy dates, or even specifically going out on “dates” but just being places together while enjoying each other’s company

have you ever written fanfiction/drawn fanart of [pairing]? would you consider it?

You know, I haven’t actually written anything with them yet but I would 100% consider it yesssss

.

And I think the other two parts of this ask are going to need to wait for their own posts because thisssssssss got long XD