#literally feel like i’m going to throw up over the remake coming out tomorrow so I made myself a cat to feel better
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non4ry · 2 months ago
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mama a girl behind you
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lonelyyinchicago · 3 years ago
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giving sirius the childhood he deserves part 5
there was a loud bang from the kitchen and remus jumped up from the sofa and burst into the kitchen.
“you can’t drink champagne - it’s half nine in the morning.”
sirius shrugged, his lips already around the bottle.
“sorry, do you want some?”
“i-”
remus had obviously never liked his
mother-in-law, but watching his husband celebrate her death was something else. he felt a weight leave both of their shoulders.
“i’ll throw this away then” remus said, gesturing with the letter.
sirius stumbled towards him with his hand outstretched, half the bottle already gone.
he shook his head: “i’m going to frame it.”
“maybe you should phone regulus. see how he is?”
before remus could turn back around to hand over the phone, sirius had apparated. he arrived in the potter’s apartment and promptly threw up on the rug.
he looked over his shoulder sheepishly before heading into the kitchen to find the cleaning cupboard. interrupting the domestic bliss of his younger brother, who was stood with his back to him at the sink, sirius cleared his throat.
regulus turned around in surprise. sirius didn’t say anything as he skirted around the edge of the room toward the cleaning cupboard. regulus’ eyebrows drew together as sirius gathered the bleach and ran out of the room before anyone saw the mess he’d made.
regulus followed him out into the lounge watching as sirius fell to his knees, his shoulders shaking with laughter.
“what?”
“haven’t you heard? reg-” sirius paused, trying to find softer words with which to deliver the news. “reg, mum’s dead.”
“oh.”
regulus sat down in the middle of the sofa, feeling it’s emptiness on either side.
“she was ill anyway” he said quietly after a minute.
“i’m sorry.” the words didn’t come easily to sirius, but he made an effort for his brother. “where’s james?”
“out - on a run” regulus added, as sirius opened his mouth.
“do you want me to do anything?” sirius asked tentatively.
regulus replied with his own question.
“what do we do with the house?”
“well i don’t want it.”
“we should go see it though, right? see if there’s anything there we want.”
“and then we sell it?”
“i’ll sell it, yeah. i-you’re not in the will anymore but of course i’ll still split it with you.”
“oh i-umm okay. should we meet there later?”
“half one good? give you time to shower” regulus joked.
“okay shut up. see you later then.”
regulus nodded as his brother disappeared from next to him.
“remus?”
sirius followed the sound of water and knocked on the bathroom door. entering slowly, sirius joined remus under the water.
“i’m meeting regulus at number twelve later” he said as remus massaged shampoo into his hair.
remus let his hands fall around sirius’ waist. sirius turned to face him, sensing his uncertainty.
“i won’t be there long; i’m not even in the will so really it’s reg’s decision.”
“is james going? do you want me to come?”
“i think we’re doing this just the two of us.”
remus nodded as he turned off the water.
“do you want to get lunch before you go?”
wrapping a single towel around the both of them, sirius led the way into the bedroom. picking out what had been his mother’s least favourite pair of jeans, sirius drew a small smile from his husband.
“no, i’m just going to go over there now but i’ll see you later.”
leaving a small kiss on remus’ cheek sirius left the room, the smell of his aftershave still in the air.
“hey! look at this.”
sirius looked up at his brother who had ripped a dusty sheet of the old piano.
“can you still play?”
sirius coughed, choking on the cloudy air but sat down at the instrument. gently tracing the ivory keys sirius began what would have been ‘fleur de lis’.
“that sounds horrible.”
“just a bit out of tune, yeah” sirius agreed.
sirius felt the tears burn his eyes as he entered his old room. opening the split in the headboard of his old bed, he fished out the secret picture of remus that had been stuffed down there since third year.
regulus appeared at the door holding a small soft lion.
“why do you have that? it was mine.”
“i know; i’m returning it to you. after you left, the only time i came into your room was to get him.”
“chuck it here then.”
as regulus threw the toy, it’s head flew off, the rest of the body landing softly on the bed next to sirius.
despite both of them laughing, both felt a change that was signified by the death of the teddy.
“let’s go” regulus said suddenly. “there’s a pub less than five minutes away.”
sirius’ eyes narrowed suspiciously: “how do you know that?”
“i’ve been to a pub before. sirius i’m not twelve.”
“just short.”
“that’s it. you’re buying.”
“throwing up on our carpet too?” remus asked as sirius appeared in the bedroom.
pulling himself back up from over the edge of the mattress, sirius showed remus a slender middle finger before heading for the bathroom.
returning somewhat pale, sirius pulled the soft toy out from behind his back.
“awww.”
“shut up.”
“well what did you want me to say? why has it got no head?”
“regulus threw it earlier and it came off. can we fix it?”
“i don’t know about fixing it, but we can remake it at the mall tomorrow - if you want.”
sirius’ eyes widened. remus pulled his husband closer as he watched the smile spread. placing the small lion above them, sirius pushed into remus’ body and closed his eyes.
remus woke up when the small lion fell onto his pillow. picking it up gently he smiled at the headless creature who faded red and gold colouring brought him a warm joy. he remembered the first time he’d ever seen this lion, falling out of first-year sirius’ trunk. the blush on the his cheeks almost matched the mane of the toy.
sirius rolled awake and remus smiled, quickly putting the toy back.
“right, i believe you told me we were going to the mall today” sirius said, moving closer so he was sharing the pillow with remus.
“yes and good morning to you too.”
sirius grinned as he pulled remus into the kitchen after him.
“oh my god! it’s literally called build-a-bear! wait - can i still make a lion?”
“yeah. i think my first one was actually a pig.”
sirius snorted before his attention was drawn to the fluff machine.
“can i have one of those?”
“absolutely not.”
sirius huffed as he followed the arrows, picking out a brand new red mane and golden claws.
“would you like any additional accessories?” the cashier asked? “hats or anything?”
sirius looked up at remus raising his eyebrows questioningly.
“up to you, love.”
sirius shook his head.
“okay, well here you go!”
the lady behind the counter handed over large lion.
“did it need to be so big?” remus asked as they tried to arrange themselves on the motorcycle.
“yes” sirius replied simply.
“but it’s a metre tall.”
sirius turned around to grin at his husband but his view was obscured by the plush figure.
“okay well maybe it’s a little big.”
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glowyjellyfish · 5 years ago
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I suspect most people are currently playing the game and avoiding looking up stuff about it because spoilers, but nevertheless... here are some of my wild excited thoughts about my first day of playing, from opening to the sector five slums. Spoilers for the remake through that part, and spoilers for the entire original FF7:
-I will have to go over this more later, but is sephiroth maybe experimenting with control/manipulation of cloud?? Is that what’s happening in the Sephiroth flashes Cloud is having?
-So I am of the opinion that the fairly controversial plot element where Shinra is behind the reactor explosion to make avalanche into a bigger enemy to the public is... actually pretty cool. It’s in character for Shinra, I appreciate that Avalanche doesn’t know yet and has to figure out how they feel about it, and I feel like it’s a microcosm of the full game, paralleling Cloud being manipulated and controlled by Sephiroth.
-me: okay Jessie you are cool and all but can you stop throwing yourself at cloud maybe? Omg no I am not coming to your place tomorrow—oh shit what have I done
-me: I think I’ll try to make my first playthrough an Aerith game! also me: I have to be as nice as possible to Tifa because I love her. also also me: AERITH I LOVE YOU
-Reno’s amazing, I always enjoyed him but now I’m suddenly like “oh, now I understand” Love everything about him so far.
-Aerith knowing and bantering with all the Turks? Not just Tseng? omg
-also: how dare they show flash forwards or whatever of that scene when you meet Aerith. HOW DARE THEY. (Realistically, I’m hazarding a guess that it shows Sephiroth immediately grasping what her Materia is and what its purpose is, but also in that moment the game just stabbed us all in the hearts)
-wedge is a delight and a sweetheart. Biggs is cool, Jessie is fun and charming, oh god
-Barret gets so hyped and enthusiastic I love him
-cloud’s ptsd is insane. Obviously sometimes it’s the jenova and the sephiroth, but… they’re literal flashbacks, I love seeing them and thinking about the context that triggers them. Not to mention the part where he leapt out of bed ready to fight? Oh, Cloud, honey, you have so much ptsd.
-I appreciate that they don’t really have Cloud and Tifa talk directly about their past yet. Cloud said it had been five years and Tifa was like “huh?”, but that was a fleeting moment; it was amazingly cool that Cloud reached the conclusion that he wanted to stay and help Tifa on his own, through flashbacks and bonding with avalanche. I don’t believe it’s that different from the original, but I am definitely getting more of a vibe that Tifa doesn’t realize there’s anything weird about his story yet because he’s barely told her his story; whereas in the original it feels like she at least has an inkling… or maybe that’s just a perception I built up over the years. Anyway, cannot wait for Kalm (however long it takes for the next game...) and the utter “wtf” Tifa should go through during the story.
-oh man, I liked the moment when there was talk of Wutai striking a deal with the other cells of avalanche in exchange for all Midgar’s Materia. GODO WOULD ABSOLUTELY MAKE A DEAL LIKE THAT.
-roche has been a one-and-a-half-scene-wonder so far, but man what a strange dick of a man. No wonder Reno calls all SOLDIERS weird. He seems like he can’t decide whether he wants to fight cloud or make out with him.
-OH HEY just remembered the part when while Cloud’s escaping sector 8? He’s surrounded and about to jump on the train? and one of the Grunt soldiers seemed to recognize him? Omg I leapt to the conclusion that he knew cloud in training or something
-I’m on the edge of my seat for Reeve’s first appearance, and let me tell you I absolutely leapt to the conclusion that the Shinra Middle Manager works under him, just because. He’s got the demeanor and values for it, if he works directly with any executive it’s gonna be Reeve.
-I feel like I must be missing a ton of pickups but idk. I felt like I plowed through the plot and missed more quests, but it didn’t look like there were any more quests. I did them all on the one day with Tifa, and now I probably won’t be going back to sector seven long enough to go questing. Shrug?
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lightsandlostbells · 6 years ago
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Druck season 2, episode 1 reaction
we’re baaaaaack
I said I would finish my Skam S3 analyses before I caught up on the remake reactions, and I’m working on the one for 3.10 (the finale), but I also didn’t want to fall behind on another show. So here are some thoughts on Druck’s first week back!
Episode 1
Clip 1 - “Their tongues battled for dominance”
It’s the moment we’ve been waiting for, Druck has come back from the war. And our very first shot is an extreme closeup of some very tongue-oriented kissing, thanks for that. 
Is it Matteo and a girl?
WAIT IS THAT KIKI AND ALEXANDER
HOLY SHIT
I definitely feel like Druck was playing with Skam fans’ expectations here. They know we’re expecting a kiss to open the season, but we’re expecting it to be Matteo and some girl, so Alex and Kiki throws us off. We’re also expecting Alex and Kiki to be completely over by now, not hooking up again - that changes the direction of the season, for sure.
I don’t know how much Mia’s issues will reflect Noora’s, but considering that Noora’s season opens with scandalous sex pics/media, and that it ties into not just what happens with Niko but Noora’s overall issues about sex that are threaded throughout the season, it’s kinda interesting to open with this sloppy kiss for Mia’s season, if she has similar hangups.
The lyrics of the song are on point: 
You're a poison and I know that is the truth All my friends think you're vicious And they say you're suspicious
The other girls watch in horror and befuddlement, like the OG girl squad did with Isak. HI, GIRLS! Lovely to see you again. Sam is the only one who seems not entirely appalled by this coupling.
FUCK FUCK FUCK, Alex drives off in his car with Kiki. Kiki is so eager, staring at him with such wonder. It really makes you feel bad for her, when this dude was such a jerk to her previously! He apologized but he still acted like that! And now she’s back with him. Not great.
I guess this is an unpopular opinion, from what I can tell, but … I like Kiki. Not necessarily as a human being, I completely understand why people find her the least tolerable, meanest Vilde, but something about her character just feels real to me. Like this is a version of Vilde I completely buy as a person I’d meet in real life. Hell, she does remind me of people I’ve met in the past.
Lmao, the camera swivels between each girl, I guess to emphasize the confusion/bafflement in the group. Mia does not get what Kiki sees in him. Amira’s like, he’s hot. Sam’s like, what’s wrong, they’re finally together! Sam, my beautiful girl, they weren’t a sitcom couple. This wasn’t the will-they won’t-they flirtation of the century. They did, and it was a disaster. 
Mia says they’re not a couple, Sam is like … but they spend every night together? This is kind of adorable coming from her, tbh.
Amira points out that Sam spends every night with her camel and Sam’s points out that they’re together! Lmao, I love this bit of continuity. Shout-out to Carmen! 
Mia thinks Alex will drop Kiki once he finds another girl. Well, he probably will, it’ll just be Mia. Amira says, pfft, that’s all western relationships. Mia is like … do you want us all to become lesbians? Mia, there is a segment of your audience who would be completely OK with that.
Mia and Hanna air kiss and I know it’s not gonna happen but by God I wish it would. I’m so apprehensive about how they’ll handle Mia’s sexuality this season, with her smooching Hanna last season to get Axel off her back, but also her being bi via word of God.
Amira says she has to go to prayer. Mia asks whether Amira was just there? Amira says no and leaves. So maybe Amira is doing something else and keeping a secret from the girls? I guess one other possibility is that Mia (a non-Muslim) doesn’t realize how much Muslims are supposed to pray, but I think the first is more likely from a story perspective. Anyway, it’s small but I like little nods to Amira’s religion, things like her mentioning going to pray so it feels like it’s more integrated into her character. 
Sam asks the girls to swing their legs and it’s super cute. It was also an IG story she made, so that’s a nice inclusion. It’s cool when they tie in the clips to actual social media posts (much like how Matteo posted a video of Hanna and Jonas last season that seemed to be taken within the clip itself).
People got seriously fucking mad with this clip, lmao, but honestly, it’s such a big departure from the original that I wasn’t pissed. There’s too much we need to know about how the Kiki/Alexander relationship will play out in the long run before I get angry at what’s happening.
In the credits after the clip, we see a pillow fight scene with the girls. I’m gonna guess that’s maybe a snippet from the Easter cabin episode (or whatever’s taking place of the cabin episode). I wonder if we also got a slumber party scene as a makeup for not getting the full girls’ sleepover in S1? It was just Mia and Kiki.
Clip 2 - Santa Claus is coming
Mia observes their toilet at home at German Kollektivet. It is gross. There’s pee all over the seat, what even looks like a curly hair??? I want to puke. I take it back, I’ll watch Kiki’s and Alex’s tongues for an hour if Druck never shows me anything like this toilet again.
Mia angrily stomps over to the bedroom of German Eskild (Hans) and bangs on the door. German Linn comes up to her, saying Hans has a visitor. Mia explains that Hans peed all over the toilet seat, Linn asks if she should clean it up. Mia says if they always do it for him, he’ll never learn. This is a small moment and not necessarily like, groundbreaking feminist commentary, but it’s why I have some faith in Druck for this season? Mia is adamantly against women cleaning up men’s messes (literally and certainly figuratively). I’m not saying she’s a perfect feminist, but she actually seems like a believable feminist teenage girl, with a lot of feminist principles that seem integrated into her life, which not all of the remakes have captured, imo.
Mia bangs on the door, Hans doesn’t open it, so eventually she does and of course Hans is getting his dick sucked. He’s wearing a Santa hat. There are so many directions you could take this joke that I can’t settle on anything, sorry. 
I will say that I’m pretty sure there are multiple shitty Christmas slasher movies where the killer is driven to hack people up because they spied someone in a Santa costume having sex, and that scarred them for life or whatever, so Hans better watch his back. And clean up the toilet from now on.
Hans makes excuses for his wayward urine, Mia asks him to clean it up. Hans is like, tomorrow! Hans, people are probably going to use the toilet between now and tomorrow. It is not going to take you long to do the bare minimum and spray down some cleaner and then wipe it off.
Uhhhh the other dude who’s putting on his Santa jacket seems kinda cute. Good job, Hans? Except apparently the guy, Michi, is boring and talks too much about Trump, Nazis, refugees, etc. So bringing in those aspects of S2 a little early, which is nice and topical. (But lol @ Mia and Hans talking about how boring this guy is when the door is still open a crack.)
Mia asks why Hans meets with him then, and Hans says it’s because Mia is always in school and who knows what Linn is doing? He was lonely. And by lonely, let’s be real, he means horny. Something neither Mia nor Linn can satisfy for him.
Hans compares Michi to a boomerang: you throw him away but he always comes back. Mia is appalled by this. You all suck! Not “you all” as in gay people, “you all” as in men. Hans is like … well, you’ve got me there! 
I liked that already, this scene ties into the plot thematically. Hans is basically doing the same as Alex, or at least what Mia thinks is happening with Alex. Hans is using Michi for hookups, Alex is using Kiki. Throwing her away, but like a boomerang, she comes back. Mia thinks what Amira said earlier about relationships is right. Guys are awful.
Hans didn’t make the best first impression here, with comparing Michi to a boomerang, and being dismissive of serious political issues, but I mean, this is only his first scene, and it’s not like Eskild’s first appearance revealed too much about him except that he thought Disney was a good fellatio soundtrack.
Clip 3 - Hello, Jotteo
Hanna and Mia walk to school. Mia says that her parents decided to go to Berlin without telling her, and they got into a fight. Her relationship with them is a nonstop cycle of arguing, basically. So Mia is going to do nothing for Christmas, basically, just stay at home and read - which sounds nice, personally, but also probably not that nice when it’s because you’re estranged from your family and have nowhere to go. Hanna is like, not on my watch! She invites Hanna to Christmas Eve with her and her dad. Yay, Hanna’s dad! I liked that guy, I hope we get to see him again.
Jonas and Matteo show up! Interesting because obviously Mia didn’t escape to Hanna’s yesterday to see Hanna and Jonas all snuggled up watching TV and talking about dating (like Noora did).
Hanna and Jonas seem a little awkward together. MY BABES. You still love each other!
Also, these are some fucking stoners, man. Are they high already? It’s like 8 in the morning. School hasn’t even started. They’re like, we have to go take a biology test! They’re laughing like this is the funniest shit ever. 
Mia asks if Hanna has talked with him lately. Hanna is like, “Jonas?” at first, and I can’t wait to hear how that relationship is going (or not going) but Mia meant Matteo. Hanna has no idea how she’d bring up that they found porn on Matteos’ phone and that they think he’s crushing on Jonas. Mia is like, just drop in a subtle hint, like asking if he watches Queer Eye! Lmao, Mia, have you seen Matteo’s hair and wardrobe? Bless him, because I love this messy, perpetually stoned version of Isak, but if he’s watching Queer Eye he’s sure as fuck not taking inspiration from it.
Hanna says she and Matteo don’t have much contact lately, because of Jonas. It’s not working out just being friends and he doesn’t seem willing to give as much on his end. Mia asks if Jonas has a new girlfriend, Hanna says no, that they promised to tell each other when that happens. Something tells me that isn’t going to go so smoothly this season. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jonas gets a girlfriend but Hanna doesn’t hear about it from him. I mean, Eva didn’t hear about Jonas being with another girl straight from him, and they were on much better terms than Hanna and Jonas (superficially, at least).
Mia seems doubtful, too. I’m sure her current “Men are the worst” attitude isn’t making her more optimistic.
Clip 4 - Mia vs. Alex in class
Mia is in class. Kiki’s sitting next to her; Alexander is on the opposite side of the room; because he got held back, they’re in the same grade. Mia looks to him. I will note that Alexander does a kind of laugh to himself before he looks up, so maybe he sensed that Mia was scoping him out?
Mia, who is looking very pretty by the way, pulls up her shirt so it’s not baring her shoulders so much. I vastly appreciate that they did this part differently than in the original! In that one, William texts Noora that she looks good in the shirt, causing her to put on a jacket - it’s his direct advances and comment making her uncomfortable. In this scene, Alexander is just looking at her - which might make her uncomfortable but at least he wasn’t doing it in an overly lascivious way. 
We also see him respond to that, and it’s hard to tell because he doesn’t avert his eyes totally or anything, but he doesn’t completely keep staring at her.
Like in Skam, their teacher is filmed below the neck, although this guy’s nipples aren’t the main attraction. Rather, it’s his festive reindeer sweater that draws the eye. (NGL, this gives me an idea for one of the S3 remakes where instead of checking out the female teacher’s boobs, the Isak is like … staring at his male teacher’s nips poking through a polo shirt or whatever.)
This is like a history/social studies class and the teacher has been talking about institutional oppression. He asks for comparisons between apartheid in South Africa and the Third Reich.
A girl is like, why can’t we talk about something relevant like Syria? Lmao, random girl, of course it’s important to talk about Syria, but what’s this insinuation that it’s not relevant to talk about past atrocities? This is part of why we study history, to draw comparisons between the past and present. Not to mention the repercussions of those periods are still felt today.
Mia and Alex’s argument about Israel being an apartheid state is more in line with how I think Noorhelm was meant to be, with the two of them having debates and William challenging Noora’s opinion. However, it never really worked for me because I felt these arguments leaned too heavily on not just like ... intellectual debate for the spirit of it, but Noora objecting to something William had done, and then William trying to argue why it was actually OK. There weren’t many debates about stuff unrelated to their relationship and William’s behavior, not much verbal and mental sparring for the pleasure of it. So maybe this isn’t an enjoyable debate, per se, but it’s at least a heated one between two parties with different strong POVs, on something besides trying to justify one’s own behavior.
When Alex quotes David Ben-Gurion, Mia says there’s a difference between a German saying that Israel is an apartheid state and an Israeli saying so. Alex is like, nah. Mia asks, so there’s no difference when I insult your sister and when you do? He seems to get a touch more serious and says while emotionally there’s a difference, practically there isn’t. No one should insult his sister.
People were reading very literally into this comment, that she’s aware of his sister, but I think she’s just presenting a hypothetical scenario as an analogy. It’s not that she actually knows he has/had a sister. It’s that her hypothetical scenario happens to have more baggage attached to it than she realizes. Assuming that Alex maybe has a dead sister, this is actually a very good moment! It makes sense why he’d get more emotional over her at this mention, like it struck a nerve even if it’s not what Mia really meant.
The teacher is like, thanks for your contribution, it totally misses the point! Lmao, between that comment and the reindeer sweater, I like this guy.
Behind Mia, Kiki seemed pretty into Alex’s talk, by the way.
As the class packs up, Mia says Alex is a dick, Kiki says he’s not and that Mia doesn’t even know him. He’s insecure and just wants his parents’ attention. Mia is like, lol, didn’t know he was sensitive and vulnerable. She says it like a joke, but Kiki takes it seriously and says it’s all a front.
Mia asks why Alex is repeating his grade, Kiki says he didn’t want to talk about it. INTERESTING. I know from a Doylist perspective, this is so they can keep Alex on the show rather than him graduating, but I really hope they integrate it into his characterization. But he also said it’s none of Kiki’s business so like, he’s still an asshole. Mia agrees with me. He doesn’t have to tell her but don’t be a shithead about it.
Alex accompanies Kiki out of the classroom and gives her his hand, but appears to shoot Mia a look as he leaves.
Clip 5 - Kiki’s a vegan
Mia rides her bike in the morning and passes Kiki on the street. They have class now, but Kiki still needs to go home and shower. Mia is surprised because they’re pretty far from Kiki’s house, meaning Kiki has to run even more. However, Kiki seems pleased about how much she’s run.
Mia invites Kiki to go shopping with her and Hanna, and Kiki wants to go somewhere with vegan croissants. Mia is surprised by Kiki suddenly being a vegan. Kiki explains that she saw a documentary - not about factory farming, but about how healthy it is. Although then she adds she thinks factory farming is bad when she sees Mia isn’t pleased - that’s a nice touch because Kiki seems like she thought Mia was judging her for not being politically aware enough, and that Mia’s going to go on an activist diatribe or something, when Mia is really concerned because of Kiki’s extreme workout and diet.
Mia clarifies that she thinks veganism is great, it’s just that Kiki is working out so much as well as becoming a vegan. She said they talked about it and Kiki needs to be careful about this stuff. Kiki says she doesn’t see the problem with eating healthy and doing sports.
I like that moment because it’s kind of toeing the line, like … well, what is wrong with working out and eating healthy? And Mia can’t quite object to that in itself. On the surface, Kiki is making it sound reasonable. It’s just that we know more is going on with her than simply adopting healthy lifestyle habits. She’s taking it way too far.
Clip 6 - Mia vs. Alex, take two
Mia sees Axel in school and confronts him, saying they need to talk. He doesn’t seem that into it. When she asks him what he’s doing with Kiki, he plays dumb, she tells him that she’s going to get her hopes up for something serious. Alex is all, define serious. He says that he’s hanging out with Kiki and no one else, so what else is he supposed to do, propose to her?
If he’s explained to Kiki that this is a FWB thing, then honestly, it’ll be on Kiki not to hope for something more serious. It’s certainly not the best course of action for him because of how he behaved last season, and he should know by now that Kiki will probably take it too seriously. However, if he’s made his stance clear to Kiki that this isn’t a serious relationship, then it’s on Kiki to listen to that.
I like that her posture seems more stiff and ramrod straight, and he’s leaning against the railing, relaxed. She’s on guard and trying to make a point to, he’s not threatened by what she’s saying.
He says “If I didn’t know you were a lesbian, I’d think you were jealous,” and arrrrgh. Best case scenario, this at least suggests he has been backing off Mia because he thinks she’s a lesbian and not approaching her, and he respects that. However, I don’t think he buys that she’s really a lesbian (and this is confirmed by the end of the episode) so it comes across like a taunt instead. “If I didn’t know you were a lesbian” is him being ironic because he doesn’t believe her.
Mia says if he hurts Kiki, she’ll kill him. She walks away and Alex seems more amused than anything. He better take her seriously, she’s seen Santa getting a blowjob so the desire to kill should be setting in any moment.
Clip 7 - Gym class
Mia and Hanna are in gym class. They’re on the bleachers. They are both faking having their periods because they hate volleyball and PE. I can respect the fuck out of that. Jonas is playing volleyball, and he and Hanna are having some awkward eye contact.
Hanna mentions that Kiki is a vegan now. She doesn’t get how one can go without meat, but Mia has more serious concerns about Kiki’s sudden veganism.
The girls talk about Alexander and whether he’s doing this thing with Kiki as a tactic to make Mia jealous. God, I hope not. I hope he legit thinks she’s unavailable and is trying to move on or something. Because even taking the end of the episode into consideration, he wasn’t pursuing Mia on his own. He wasn’t texting her, calling her, starting conversations with her outside of class, and it was when Mia kept initiating contact and pushing him that he said he’d break up with Kiki if Mia went on a date with him. I’m not excusing him for that, but best case scenario, he was doing this thing with Kiki without the end goal of exchanging her for Mia.
The ball flies at Hanna, Jonas comes to pick it up and says sorry. I truly hope that was an accident, because otherwise, dick move. Anyway, another little beat of awkwardness between the two.
Clip 8 - Christmas party 
Party time! Linn sits on the couch, appropriately. She’s wearing a Santa hat, so she’s a little bit festive, at least?
The girls bake cookies, Hans seems to be making drinks. When Mia goes to the fridge, we get a nice glimpse of her, Hans, and Linn in some photo booth pics, awww.
Amira recreates the Salt Bae meme, which is fucking adorable, I love her.
Mia is a very pretty girl but I have to say that the styling is suiting her even more this season, and this is a really great look for her.
Kiki checks her phone. As we know from the social media, she had something planned with Alex. She’s sent some texts to him, but he’s ignoring her. Though I wonder if they actually had something planned, or if Kiki just assumed they did.
The doorbell rings and it’s Jonas, Matteo, and Carlos! I think they’re integrating the boy squad more into this season because they know fans love Jonas and Matteo, but that’s hardly something I’ll complain about. I live for more combined girl/boy squad content.
Hanna doesn’t seem totally OK with Jonas appearing - not like, shook to her core, but that she’s a little ruffled.
Carlos greets Kiki and says she looks good tonight and I don’t want to pair up any random boy and girl who interact, but if it will get her off Alex, then by all means, deliver us German Magnus/Vilde.
Mia asks Hans if he invited Michi (the guy from the BJ Santa clip) and he says no. Michi isn’t the kind of guy you date, he’s the guy you get to rim you. Well ... thanks for letting us know!
But it’s kinda interesting to me, because Hans is pretty dismissive and not complimentary of this guy, but at the same time… it’s his choice to just hook up with him and not go for anything serious. Mia seems like she’s meddling or judging a bit, disapproving of Hans doing this. I wonder if it’ll come into play later and if Hans will get as tired of Mia’s meddling as Kiki does. Still, it’s a nice parallel to her interfering with Kiki’s affairs, too.
This is a small, cute Christmas party, I dig it. The squads dance to All I Want For Christmas, the girls hug, it’s cute. Matteo sits at the table drinking, awww. Get up and dance, dude!
I wonder if Matteo not dancing is part of him checking himself not to be ~too gay? Or maybe he’s not in the mood because he’s been going through shit at home? Or he’s too drunk to get up? There are a lot of references to him drinking and getting stoned this season, and I mean, that’s not a great thing for him, but it’s a very interesting development in terms of what it will mean for his arc. 
Hans and Matteo have met now! Maybe they didn’t talk much, but they were in the same room!
WHO WAS TOUCHING MATTEO’S HEAD, I CAN’T TELL
Matteo and Kiki share a moment where she’s singing to All I Want For Christmas at him and he’s just at the table. Are they actual friends or something? Elaborate, please!
Everyone’s having a good time until Hans suddenly cuts the music, then they’re angered. How dare he cut off Mariah!
Hans announces they’re going to the club and goes into the bathroom to take party drugs. He says he’s going to pee, but the others are aware he’s taking drugs. Matteo mentions that Hans said he partied last week and it took him 72 hours to notice that he didn’t eat anything. Oh no, Kiki’s going to latch onto that. Mia seems wary.
Later, after the party’s over, Mia is cleaning up when the doorbell rings. Kiki comes back in. She’s going to party with Hans and Sam. Cotton pads fall out of her purse. Wait, Kiki is eating them??? Uh-oh.
Mia asks her not to take drugs, she saw how Kiki reacted when they were talking about Hans. Kiki gets mad and asks why she doesn’t get on Hans’ case. Mia says it’s because Hans doesn’t eat cotton pads as a snack. Kiki gets very upset. Mia wants to know if this is because of Alexander.
Truthfully, I don’t think dating Alexander helps, necessarily, since Kiki will feel like she needs to be at her best to hold Alex’s attention, and if he’s not 100% interested in her, she’ll find the faults in herself rather than him. It doesn’t help that he’s already told her she’s not worth it, and even though he apologized, she might still feel the memory of that. But this problem with Kiki goes well beyond her dating Alexander. I’m not absolving him of everything, obviously, but I think she’d be engaging in these behaviors regardless of what he thought, even if it’s for his approval. Mia is using Alexander as a scapegoat here for a much broader issue with Kiki. Like I have no doubt that these problems originated before Alex.
Kiki yells at Mia to stop interfering in her life and that she’s obsessed. I’m really interested in what Druck is doing with these two, because there are two sides to this. I think when it comes to Kiki’s eating disorder, while Mia ultimately can’t control what Kiki does, she’s not wrong to mention her concerns. This is one situation where your friend’s health and physical well-being are at stake. Mia has likely been where Kiki has and recognizes the signs. When it comes to Alexander … Mia probably should back off by now. She’s made her case, she’s stated her concerns. Kiki is making her own choices with who she’s hooking up with. They may not be great choices but they’re Kiki’s to make. But mixing the two sides is that Mia thinks the relationship with Alex is exacerbating Kiki’s eating disorder, so Kiki’s romantic life is entangled with her health. 
Mia lies in bed later. She goes through her text messages, first Hans, then Axel. If you look closely, you’ll notice that she sent something to him about the David Ben-Gurion quote being misattributed, which means they kept up the debate outside the classroom. Mia, I know you want to win the debate, but contacting Axel again to make your point isn’t going to convince him that you don’t care about him.
Mia texts Axel to leave Kiki alone. Again, this is messy because I think this is probably crossing the line, Mia’s said her piece already, and this is Kiki’s life. I’m glad they’ve emphasize that Mia thinks this situation is making Kiki’s eating disorder worse, though, because that is a very serious problem and if Mia thinks Alex is making it worse, then it’s easy to understand why she would keep intervening.
Mia is texting something like “Do you want to ...” before Axel writes back, and I’d be really interested to know what she was going to say. 
Aaaand Alex wrecks a lot of the good will we wanted to give him by telling Mia he’ll break up with her if she goes out with him and admits she made up all the lesbian stuff. Ugh. So he’s a) willing to break up with Kiki and hurt her just to get with Mia b) putting pressure on Mia dating him c) not taking her being a lesbian seriously which is sadly a common attitude among straight dudes. Obviously lesbians can’t be real, it’s impossible for women not to want me men! Even if he thinks she made it up about her sexuality, he should fucking leave it at that. I mean, she made it up for a reason and that reason is that she doesn’t want to date him, take a hint. Whatever Mia’s flaws have been in this whole situation, that doesn’t let Alex off the hook, either.
We close on Mia from above in her bed, with some distance. I like that, it makes her seem smaller and less in control of what she feels she has to do.
General Comments/Social Media
I’m really happy to see this show back! So far this was a promising start; I think they’re working on some of the production issues of last season and listening to the fans, so that’s encouraging.
This week there was a TON of effort put into the social media, with many IG posts and stories and multiple text messages. There were also clips every day, sometimes more than one. This was a really smart choice, because the constant flow of content grabbed people’s attention - remember that one week in S1 where the show took an unexpected hiatus and people wondered if Druck had been cancelled mid-season? Not great for holding viewers’ interest. I very much hope they can keep up the steady roll of content - personally I would not be surprised if they tone it down a little after this week, and the large amount of content this week was to drum up hype for the show, but I hope we can keep it at higher levels than last season.
However, the constant content and the increased promotion seem to have worked, because the amount of views per clip and subscriptions to Druck’s channel have increased quite a bit! A lot of the clips seem to have as many or more views as clips from S1, which have been out for months. At the beginning of the week there was something like 63,000 subscribers to the channel, I think? As of writing this, they have almost 100,000. They gained more than 35,000 subscribers in a week. That’s incredible! I also noticed several of the clips and episodes were trending by the time I watched them, so that’s got to help attract new viewers. When there are new clips out frequently, they can keep trending, which will grab the attention of new fans. I poked through the comments and there seemed to be a LOT of people who are not existing Skam fans, but German viewers discovering Druck for the first time, which is amazing.
I realize it’ll be very messy with the timeline, but I hope that we can squeeze in at least one more season of this show, hopefully two so we can get both Amira and Matteo seasons. If the momentum keeps up, it’ll be a huge shame to end the show when it’s doing so well. Don’t pull a Julie Andem, Pola Beck. (Lmao, I’m willing to drop realism and pretend this is like Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Veronica Mars when they graduated high school after 2-3 seasons and then all happened to go to the same university.)
About Mia being a lesbian or bisexual, or having a romance with a girl - as much as I would love for this to happen, I’m not going to get my hopes up. I don’t want to be disappointed. What I do hope is that the stuff with Mia isn’t queerbaiting - I really hope that she isn’t straight. I get that she’s probably not going to be a lesbian and that she’ll likely end up with Alex, because otherwise it would be an enormous diversion from the source material, one that would not go over well with a big part of the fanbase that loves Noorhelm and is looking forward to seeing that story again. But let her be bi, at least. I get that it’s a pipe dream to hope for Mia/Hanna or Mia/Kiki, but let the f/f content be stronger than it was in S2 of Skam. Make it better than just drunken makeouts between ostensibly straight girls.
The thing is, I do understand if they have her get together with Alex. However you might feel about it personally, Noorhelm is a popular ship (S3 was the biggest internationally but I know S2 was huge in Norway) and there will be tons of people looking forward to it. So really, I’m not expecting them to throw out that relationship and the Mia/Alex endgame. Later in the season, I might change my mind. But right now, while I’m expecting some of the story details to change (as they already have), I’m not going to predict a radical overhaul of S2. I think I’ll be more disappointed if I expect them to reinvent this story so dramatically and they don’t. And if they do? I can be pleasantly surprised.
There’s going to be a fuck ton of drama this season in the fandom - hell, there already is - because Noorhelm is already polarizing, and we’ll be seeing people who still want this ship to succeed and people who don’t. But I do want to point out one thing: a huge amount of people, until the final clip, were being positive about Alex and Mia/Alex’s potential, pointing out ways they preferred Alex’s behavior to William’s. This included people who straight-up hated Noorhelm. I think this says a lot, that many people are willing to get on board with the pairing if it gets rid of the stuff they disliked about the original S2. Of course many others are never going to like this storyline, and many people who had high hopes then dropped them after Alex’s text message to Mia. We’ll see how fandom attitudes change or stay the same over the season.
I like how they’re characterizing Mia this season. They seem to have a clear idea of her motivations, they’re giving her flaws that seem naturally integrated into her character. One of the best ways to create a character, imo, is to think of their flaws and their strengths not as existing on completely separate spheres, but as personality traits existing together that have both positive and negative qualities. For instance, Mia is kind and protective of her friends, overall a positive trait, but that leads her to interfere with their lives, which can be a negative trait.
There were a ton of IG posts and text messages, both this week and before the season even started. I might have missed something - I didn’t expect Druck to hit me so hard with SM content, lmao.
One pre-season text had Hanna wanting to meet up with Jonas, and he initially agreed, but then when she asked for details he didn’t reply, and on the day of, he suddenly couldn’t meet. Oh, kids. This is such a different dynamic from Eva and Jonas in their S2, when they appeared to be on friendly terms and were hanging out together, totally platonic, nothing to see here!!! Unfortunately, Hanna and Jonas still have some friction.
There was a really excellent text message prior to the start of the season, about the girls meeting with college/career advisers at school. It did the double duty of both telling us about the girls’ aspirations and dreams for when they graduate, as well as exposing various difficulties and societal inequalities that they face. For instance, Kiki wants to go to university because no one in her family has done so before, but the adviser tried to talk her into some apprenticeships. Amira jokes that it’s because the adviser saw Kiki’s grades, but that also sees like an issue of classism - Kiki expresses interest in university but the adviser discourages her, possibly based on her background and not coming from a family that went to university. Sam wants to study fashion design and the adviser said that goal fits, presumably due to her personal style. With Amira we see blatant racism in the system, as she wants to become a chancellor, but the adviser laughs and singles out her hijab as a reason why she’ll find it difficult. Hanna was told to do better in school, continuing her academic struggles from her season (the Evas have never been great students). Mia, on the other hand, is told she could be anything. And true, I think Mia’s supposed to be a good student, but note the disparity in that a young white girl is told her future is full of limitless possibilities, whereas Amira (who I’m pretty sure is also a good student) is told how she’ll struggle to achieve her dreams.
I think that sort of sets up some of the tension to a degree with Mia’s character. I’m not sure how much we’ll go into this, but Mia (and the Nooras) have frequently been like the golden girl of Skam. Like I agree that S4 made a lot of mistakes in giving Noora too much importance at the expense of Sana, but I also think there was an awareness that Noora was perceived so differently than Sana even though in many ways they were similar, because of racism, and how Sana knew this and was hurt by it (it was just that S4 was a weird mishmash of knowing this and portraying it critically, and indulging in Noora’s greatness and playing it straight). So we could have that with Mia and Amira at some point. But also, I think this is a big issue with Mia and Kiki (and Noora and Vilde). Because we saw Vilde basically have to deal with Noora being seen as a “better” version of her. For example, Vilde planned to tell off William and have that as her big moment; but William tore her down and Vilde ran off in distress, and it was Noora who stepped up to roast him and put him in his place. What Noora did was great but it snatched Vilde’s moment. Noora is pretty and skinny, she stuffs herself with pancakes and is model thin, something that Vilde aspires to be. Vilde has a crush on William and he uses her and throws her away; Noora gets William’s attention and she doesn’t even want it, then ends up in a serious relationship with him as William decides Noora is the girl worthy of his loyalty. We saw a lot of this play out with Mia and Kiki already in S1. Now in S2, the tension between the two is going even harder than with Noora and Vilde. Vilde never snapped at Noora the way Kiki does in this episode. Honestly out of everything, I think I’m most interested in seeing how that relationship develops over the season. Remember that Mia is the only one who was there to help Kiki with her pregnancy scare last season, so now they’ve got this other big situation and secret between them.
Girl Sam invited one of the boys to the Christmas party, but it’s not clear from the texts which of them it was. I’m pretty sure it was Jonas since he says Sam invited them in the clip, but still, that’s one downside of Druck’s text system, we can’t always tell who the conversations are between. Although on the other hand, I do think there are instances where that ambiguity could add some suspense and mystery. (She greets mystery boy as “Hi bitch!” which is pretty funny and suggests they are on reasonably friendly terms.)
I wonder if Sam invited the boys on behalf of Hanna? Then Jonas would have an excuse to hang around Hanna without the pressure of it being one-on-one, or seeming too much like a date/like they were back together. And he might respond more positively to a “neutral” party like Sam rather than Hanna, with all their history. 
By the way, Hanna had a pic of her and Jonas before the season started that’s like “When lovers become friends!” and she looks significantly happier about it than he does.
Carlos (the Elias from S1) got an IG and his name (car_lospolloshermanos) is a Breaking Bad reference. I remember him as being fairly decent and not too shitty in S1, so it’d be nice to see him as a member of German boy squad.
Kiki posts a pic of her healthy vegan meal and Matteo responded by posting his currywurst. Lmao, so they’re friendly enough that they can have this banter???
Matteo posts a bunch of memes on his IG. How Isak of him.
Amira had some utterly beautiful pics of her summer where she’s riding a camel and visiting the pyramids in Egypt.
There were so many Christmas party pics and videos! I loved the effort put into it. The kids were adorable.and the activity made it feel more like an actual party.
We’ve had Skam and the remakes take place on holidays, but never on Christmas, so I’m quite excited to see what Druck gives us! Even if it’s just Mia, Hanna, and Hanna’s dad chilling out, that’ll be good enough for me. Plus, we should get New Year’s too - what if we get a clip that drops around midnight on New Year’s Eve?
If you got this far, thank you for reading!
I’m not German, so if I missed any language or cultural context, feel free to let me know!
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takaraphoenix · 7 years ago
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Phoe’s Advent Calendar: Day 23
TOMORROW’S CHRISTMAS! 🎅 🎄 🎁 ☃️ 🦌
And this last prompt was made by @aweadrianne. I hope you enjoyed this Advent Calendar.
The grand finale, I’m afraid, will not find its way here because it’s part of a series that is not on here so... the third in a series should not be the first thing on here. There’s that.
Title: Advent Calendar Project – First Christmas
Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Disclaimer: All rights to the remake reserved to DreamWorks, Lauren Montgomery and Joaquim Dos Santos, and to the original to Toei Animation. This fanfiction on the other hand is entirely mine. No money is made with this, though reviews are more than welcomed.
Warnings: shounen-ai, polyamory (threesome), fluff, team as family, Christmas fluff
Main Pairing: Shiro/Keith/Lance
Voltron Characters: Lance Charles McClain, Keith Kogane, Takashi 'Shiro' Shirogane, Hunk Garett, Katie 'Pidge' Holt, Matthew 'Matt' Holt, Princess Allura, Coran
Summary: It's not just their first Christmas in space. It's also Lance's first Christmas with his boyfriends and he's kind of a bit nervous about it.
Links: FFNet | AO3
First Christmas
Pidge and Matt were adorable together, nerding out about the metal Christmas tree they had built for the team. Allura and Coran were trailing Hunk with wide, curious eyes, listening as he talked about Christmas cookies, gingerbread and turkey. Lance smiled faintly as he watched the team.
This was exciting. It should make him feel warm and happy. It did, in a way. But mainly, it also made him miss his biological family – as great as his space-family was, they couldn't replace his siblings and parents and even though he was eternally grateful that Pidge had found Matt, a tiny part of Lance envied her for having her big brother right here with her for Christmas.
"You look sad, Lance."
Lance startled a little as his boyfriend rested a heavy hand on his shoulder. Turning wide azure-eyes on Shiro, Lance leaned against the broad, comfortable chest of his lover. Shiro smiled a little and adjusted to wrap his arms around Lance's waist and pull him even closer.
"I miss my family", whispered Lance softly.
"So does Hunk. So do Pidge and Matt", offered Shiro. "We can't... have them with us this Christmas. All we do have is each other and we're all trying to make the best of this."
"We're not all though", muttered Lance with a crestfallen look.
The conversations between the others also died down at that, all eyes on Lance. They knew what Lance was talking about. Who Lance was talking about. Keith was missing. With his missions for the Blade of Mamora, he was more gone than here and it hurt. It hurt no one more than it hurt Lance. Sure, both Lance and Shiro were dating Keith, but Shiro was better at handling that Keith had to find his own path and that working with the Blade helped him. All Lance saw was that his boyfriend literally rather was out there on the other side of the universe than with them. That he still didn't feel enough like part of the team that he would fight to stay with them. And Shiro understood that. It wasn't that Shiro didn't miss Keith – he missed Keith a lot – but Lance was just more emotional than both Shiro and Keith combined, those things, missing someone, cut him deeper than them. While Shiro was working really hard on showering Lance with love and making him feel appreciated on both Shiro's and Keith's account (which, granted, was also a little selfish because ever since he had been freed from his second captivity, Shiro had noticed he had grown more clingy toward his lovers and he wasn't used to feeling this way just yet, so it was a good excuse for him).
"Come on and help us decorate the tree, Lance!", ordered Pidge, throwing a red ball at Lance.
Lance yelped and dodged the self-made decoration before launching himself at Pidge. The two laughed and rolled around on the ground for a little, Matt watching them with fond eyes as he approached Shiro to stand next to his old friend. Allura joined them from the other side.
"So. Is your present going to arrive on time?", whispered Matt lowly.
"I hope so", grunted Shiro stiffly. "Kolivan assured me it would."
"Wouldn't it be better to tell Lance then?", asked Allura concerned. "He's so... miserable."
"But all I have is hope", argued Shiro and shook his head. "If we tell him now and he gets hopeful and excited and then a mission gets in the way... it'd crush his Christmas spirit fully."
Both his friends nodded in understanding and the trio headed over to join the others and tell the Alteans more about Christmas. They were nearly half-way through dinner when Shiro got a message. He smiled politely and excused himself from the table, causing Lance to frown confused after him. Hunk, thankfully, knew exactly how to distract his best friend, asking Lance to tell his favorite childhood Christmas story. They had moved on to Pidge and Matt telling a story by the time Shiro returned to the room with a bright smile, catching Lance's eyes.
"Lance, would you come for a moment? I know we wanted to exchange presents after dinner, but... what I have for you can't wait", requested Shiro with that look Lance couldn't deny.
"Su—ure. I'd never say no to a present. What is it?", replied Lance with a bright smile, just to stare stunned as he reached Shiro. "Did... Did you seriously put a blue bow on Keith?"
Keith glared grumpily, though he blushed at the bright smile Lance offered him before the Latino threw himself at Keith, causing them both to lose balance. Shiro gladly caught them in a hug, smiling himself as the three boyfriends got to hold each other for the first time in weeks.
"W—What... but...", started Lance, face buried in Keith's neck.
"Shiro called me and told me that Christmas is really important to you and that this will be a team thing and that I'm still part of a team and that... I should come... home for this", admitted Keith.
"You're the best, Shiro", grinned Lance and leaned up to kiss Shiro. "Thank you, thank you, thank you. I promise I'll take good care of the present! Can I unwrap it right now?"
"We're eating dinner here, Lance!", groaned Hunk. "Stop it! Keep it in your pants!"
Lance grinned broadly and brightly – a happier expression than Shiro had seen since Keith left. Smiling himself, Shiro leaned down to kiss Keith too, startling the former Red Paladin. Keith still had his arms wrapped around Lance's waist, not giving the current Red Paladin a chance to return to dinner. Quite clearly, Keith had missed them just as much.
"Come back! Food is getting cold and you promised us the caroling!", ordered Coran. "I wish to learn those holy songs you were talking about earlier!"
Very reluctantly did the threesome move back to join the rest of the team, though both Shiro and Lance kept physical contact to Keith – Shiro resting a hand on Keith's knee while Lance held Keith's hand (even though that made eating harder for Keith and Lance, but neither cared). After dinner was done, the team gravitated to the lounge. Shiro smiled happily as he had Lance tucked under one arm and Keith tucked under the other, his two boyfriends having their feet resting in his lap, Lance teasingly running his toes along Keith's foot. Hunk was leading the caroling.
"Oh, this is fascinating!", exclaimed Allura delighted. "What comes next?"
"The unwrapping of the gifts", hummed Lance, tugging on Keith's shirt and winking.
"No", chorused Keith, Hunk, Matt and Pidge at that.
Lance laughed and let go of Keith's shirt. "I was just kidding, guys!"
No one looked like they believed him, so instead the team moved on to the presents. Everyone had bought tiny trinkets at the last market they had been to. Lance was particularly proud of the little red hippo charm that he had gotten for Keith, though he had expected to having to wait weeks to give it to Keith. For Shiro, Lance had a cute little penguin charm. And in the very end, Lance did get to unwrap his present and to finally cuddle with both his boyfriends again and fall asleep in their arms.
~*~ The End ~*~
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thetradeway · 4 years ago
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Session 37: 20 Mar 2021: “I WILL re-skunk, I’m warning you now.”
This is the third attempt to write out this entry on Tumblr; if it doesn’t go well I’ll try again tomorrow.
Mina still isn’t feeling well, but she’s finished the Final Fantasy 7 Remake, and is halfway through the original. Ed messages to say he’ll be a bit late. Mina is very disappointed not to have a dwarf to squabble with, but he might be out bottle-feeding baby lambs so we’ll forgive him.
Matthew is having secret conversations and gets told off for chortling into his phone. He mentions poems, and I immediately groan. Then someone mentions safe words for some reason and it’s all downhill from there.
Batman, it turns out, is a fascist. No, a fetishist, on account of the leather. A furry? He does dress up as a manimal...
So… Shall we play some D&D?
Joe tells us that Roll20 is bringing out a phone app, so we can edit our character sheets on our phones. It’s in beta at the moment. Woohoo! Sophie and Matthew have given Joe Dungeon of the Mad Monk, so he can send us all into dungeons now and get us killed. Yay!
Joe has been rolling things in the chat, and Sophie correctly identifies that a ‘success’ for him is not necessarily a success for us. Gulp.
Right - a flesh ripper, then…? We were to go into a sewer and give it what for. Tally ho, then.
Brother Charity wants a word with Shanks before we go in. He asks if she knows Mirt the Merciless, or Lord Walrus.
Shanks advises against referring to him as Lord Walrus. She knows of him, but isn’t personally acquainted.
Is he a shoot-the-messenger type person, Charity wants to know? Well, he would go out of his way to make life miserable for a person.
Okay, what about a literal messenger?
He operates mostly within the law. He won’t shoot you with a crossbow, but he will make you wish he had.
Charity asks (making sure we’re not in earshot) if Shanks can forge him a document. What manner of document? He asks for a public works order, something that would gain him entry somewhere under false pretences.
It’s not her area, but she probably knows a guy.
He wants to get into somewhere specific: The Silken Sylph. Possibly with a fake work permit, pest control or something. Daytime access for two or three people. Discretion is key.
She says they can sort payment once we return from dealing with the flesh ripper, if we return. We can make perception checks to eavesdrop if we’re feeling nosy; Tarragon doesn’t. She’s just glad of a brief respite from the overwhelming romantic attention.
Ahleqs and Melaina overhear bits of Charity’s conversation - a few key words like “Silken Sylph” and “forge me some papers” but they have no idea of context. Charity asks if Shanks can get the letter into Mirt’s hands. She says she’s not a messenger - he should try asking someone in the Dagger.
Any further questions before we head out? Melaina asks if there are any supplies we will need; Shanks says we won’t be travelling that far. We are told to tread carefully once we get into the old sewers. These are part of the old elven city that stood here before Waterdeep. When we get there the architecture should give it away. We’ll be away from the threats of the main sewer (rival guilds etc), but we’ll be in uncharted territory. There may be diseases, Shanks warns us. We should prepare some spells.
(Ed joins us - hooray!)
Gideon joins some spells to his spell heap, and he’s ready. Tarragon rearranges some spells and makes up some of her Herbalism recipes, and we head out. (Popcorn continues his stay at the Dagger.)
Marching order? Gideon goes first, he’s comfortable underground. There’s a squabble with Kessler, and then she’s at the front.
Carl and Charity are at the front, now. Tarragon is at the back, so Charity drops back to join her. (“Oh no…”) Carl stays at the front. Gideon goes next to Carl. Kessler is navigating, are we all happy with that? General murmuring, but no-one objects so Kessler takes the map.
We have to pick a pace to travel at. If we go slow we will get advantage on Perception to spot threats, and enemies get a penalty to spot us. Go fast and the bonuses reverse. We decide to go at a medium pace, saving our sneakiness until we get closer.
We set out to find the access point into the older sewer system. The smell and noise levels become worse as we move, and we get a minus 4 to our Perception checks.
We remember that Charity stinks of skunk still; the DM makes us make CON saves. We all find the smell revolting but everyone copes with it except, ironically, Tarragon. She pukes, and gets Disadvantage on checks and saves.
We follow Kessler and manage to avoid confrontations with the denizens of the new sewer. Melaina spots a glyph - meaning ‘Danger’. It marks the area as a no-go. We hear water rushing, up ahead.
We can repeat our saves; most of us fail them. Tarragon, who passed this time in spite of the disadvantage: “I will not apologise.”
Charity, hilariously, rolls a nat 1.
We descend the ladder; Charity throws up down it.
(Duncan can’t see; Joe forgot to light his mouse for him.)
Charity, while resting his head on his forearm against the wall, informs us between retches that he’s taking care of the Mirt situation.
The architecture is prettier here, but it smells really gross. The source of the watery noise is a sewage pipe emptying into the main channel in this part of the sewer. There doesn’t seem to be any way out of this bit we’ve found ourselves in; but we could cross the channel via a plank of wood that has been laid across it. Perhaps once we’ve rounded the corner we’ll see a way out.
Melaina rolls a 13 Acrobatics check and makes it across. Gideon gets a Guidance from Tarragon and gets a 14 total, making it safely. Having successfully performed this unexpected feat of dexterity, he goes to a corner and bends over, putting his hands on his knees and having a little breathe for himself while he waits for the rest of us.
Tarragon skips across with a 22. Ahleqs is making his check at Disadvantage because he’s still puking from the skunk-and-sewer stink. He rolls a 5, but uses a sorcery point to re-roll it (“It can’t be worse, can it, he said out loud?”). He gets a 6.  Well, that’s one better. He falls in the sewage, and rolls a 12 for his CON save, and uses another sorcery point to re-roll that, getting a 14. Not his day.
DM has some bad news; he has contracted (”Rona?”) Blinding Sickness. It will set in in an hour or so. Tarragon helps him out of the drink; Kessler casts Resistance on her in case she needs to make a save. Ahleqs makes a DEX check at advantage with her help, and like a slightly excretia-covered gazelle, he leaps up with a 20. He stands there dripping and crying for a moment, then throws up. Tarragon steps back.
Carl is up next. Can Charity give the Help action to assist? Ahleqs asks if he can use Mage Hand to give Carl a hand to hold to help him keep his balance; DM likes that so he allows it. Natural 20 for Carl, for a total of 19!
We’re all lined up on the other side, arms crossed, waiting for our favourite party member to have a go. Melaina wobbles the plank a bit with her toe. Charity Misty Steps across; we are all slightly disappointed.
There is a mound of filth and detritus in one corner in here; stuff we would rather not know what it is. Shanks retroactively tells us that there are pockets of gas down here that could be ignited, so we should think twice about slinging fire spells around. 
Ahleqs: “Oh, you guys have come down here with the wrong sorcerer.”
There is a pause; to fill it, Charity announces that now would be a good time for another poem. He takes a piece of parchment out of his pocket.
“Ahem. I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish. I'll be your fantasy. I'll be your hope, I'll be your love. Be everything that you need. I'll love you more with every breath. Truly, madly, deeply do. I will be strong, I will be faithful. 'Cause I'm counting on a new beginning, a reason for living. A deeper meaning, yeah. “I wanna stand with you on a mountain...”
Sophie puts a picture of Matthew on the group chat reading the poem; Goose is in the front of the shot, staring at the camera with a deep stank eye. Goose: “why do we let him stay?”
Artist’s impression:
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The tiles on the floor are slick with some horrible stuff oozing from the mound. We have to make DEX checks to get past it. Melaina rolls a nat 1, but manages to keep her head out of the horrible stuff.
(Ahleqs finds “some matter” in his ear.)
We take turns making DEX checks to get past the stuff; almost all of us fail. Kessler fails badly and will start showing signs of Blinding Sickness in about four hours.
An Otyugh, disturbed by us idiots and Melaina crashing around in its sewer, rises out of the mound and attaches a tentacle to Ahleqs. It slams him into Brother Carl - they both make their CON saves and take half damage, remaining un-stunned. It makes a bite at Ahleqs and hits; he makes another CON save - which he passes. He is not poisoned or more diseased, but he takes some more damage. Roll initiative!
Kessler puts herself between the Otyugh and us, and orders it to put down the coward. She fires her crossbow and hits twice. “Put it down, you don’t know where it’s been, but we do.”
We hear a wordless, telepathic message in our heads that if we had to put it into words, says “HUNGRY!” There’s not much meat on Ahleqs; Kessler says it should eat the dwarf instead.
Ahleqs Misty Steps out of the grapple. “Oh, it’s horrible and it’s all slippery and I hated it!”
He contemplates going back to the Dagger. At least Mirt didn’t have tentacles - that we know about. Charity reminds him that Mirt was a rogue and could probably stab him to death in one stab.
Ahleqs, miserably: “Everyone can do that!”
Melaina makes a hide attempt with a 21, shoots with a 23 and hits. Her damage is a nat 1, but that still adds up to an 18 somehow. (Tarragon takes a minute to think about how she should be more terrified of Melaina.)
The Otyugh flails some tentacles but only hits Brother Carl once. It grapples him and drags him towards itself and makes a bite at him, doing a lot of damage.
Gideon Enfeebles it with a Ray of Enfeeblement, neutering the threat! He rolls a 21 to hit it; now it can only deal half damage with STR based attacks. “Ha HA!” It can make a save at the end of each of its turns. He remains in cover for the rest of his turn.
Brother Carl takes a turn; he uses his Gauntlets of Helm to do punchin’. He does 7 punchin’.
We all hear the telepathic voice again; it repeats its message. “HUNGRY!”
This thing is very handsy. Tarragon tries a Thorn Whip, not wanting to get any closer, but misses. Brother Charity asks Ahleqs how he’s doing; “I’m looking pretty grim. This could be it for our hero.”
Charity pulls out a trick he hasn’t used yet, which requires a WIS check first (Melaina: “It was nice knowing you, Ahleqs”) and uses a Healer’s Kit to cast Cure Ahleqs at 2nd level. Then he casts something called Life Transference to transfer some of his own health to his companion.
Kessler decides to give it something else to chew on, punching it with her Thunder Gauntlets. She has to make a DEX save to avoid slipping on the floor, and just barely makes it. She electrocutes it in the face - “wa-POW!” Well, she tries but misses. “Well that is just fuckin’ typical.” The DM says that she sees it smile, even as it dangles Brother Carl over its open maw. She will give it indigestion, she warns it.
Ahleqs takes a good look at it and wishes he hadn’t. He then casts Shatter, with Careful Spell. DM: Is it Thunder damage? If so, not a problem. If electrical, it will hit Carl anyway. But no, it’s Thunder damage. It makes a DC14 CON save, which it passes with a 26.
Ahleqs: “This dungeon is a higher level than us.”
Melaina thinks the thing is eating Brother Charity for a moment; when she finds out it’s Carl she decides to try and save him. She casts Tasha’s Hideous Laughter, as it was communicating telepathically so she believes that its INT is higher than 4; she is correct. It must make a WIS save, which it passes. “Shit!”
The Otyugh attacks Kessler with a 17 and misses her - she bats the tentacle away. It slams Carl into her and they both make CON saves. She pirouettes out of the way with ease and Carl goes limp, and both only take 5 damage. It takes another bite at Carl. Its attack damage is halved from Gideon’s Enfeeblement, he reminds it. Phew! It makes a save against the spell and gets a 22, ending it. “Crap!” 
It’s Gideon’s turn. He gives it a little Acid Splash, forcing a DEX save. It fails, taking 6 acid damage.
Brother Carl tries his Gauntlets of Helm again but misses.
Tarragon can’t see Brother Charity to give him a Healing Word. She could move forward but then she would be making DEX saves to stay upright. “Nah, I don’t care that much.”
Charity, wounded: “After all the poetry!”
“BECAUSE of the poetry.” (Matthew gets this in stereo as Sophie and I both say it at the same time.)
He misses with an Eldritch Blast, and Kessler misses her first Thunder Gauntlet attack but hits with the second. She moves away but slips over; she picks herself up.
Ahleqs: “This is a bit of a pickle, isn’t it.” He goes for an Eldritch Blast as well, hitting with a 17 and a natty 20. He rolls on the crit table and gets TRIPLE damage. oh yeah! The thing is bleeding now, and doesn’t look well.
Melaina will go back to plan A, and hides - at Disadvantage. Still gets a 23 though. She rolls with Sharpshooter for 15 to hit, and does 28 damage. It’s on its last legs, somehow still kicking.
Gideon, suddenly excited: “Perhaps Gideon will get the killing blow!”
We hear in our heads: “Give back, you leave??” Ah, so it will give us Carl back if we go away. It’s probably doing the city a service by eating all the garbage, maybe we should let it live? 
Will it let us move forward, instead of retreating? It puts Carl down and goes back into its corner, pulling all its tentacles in towards itself. (Ed wants to know how we’re doing XP in this game; if we let it live, will we still get points for it? Yes, Joe assures him, if we lay aside our murder-hobo ways we won’t be penalised for it.)
Brother Charity asks if it would be so kind as to lift him across the horrible floor; he offers to give it some food. Gideon wants to make an Insight check in case these things are prone to trickery. It could just be saving us for later. He rolls a 21; it’s an aberration, but it’s not necessarily evil. It’s in fear of its life.
He goes over and puts a hand on it. “It’s afraid!”(Okay, Neil Patrick Harris.)
It lifts Charity across; he takes some food from Carl’s pack and throws it towards what he believes is its mouth. It accepts gratefully. We could have just offered it food and it would have let us pass, the DM tells us. 
Gideon, leaning heavy on the sarcasm: “Well when it started gnawing on Carl, my first thought wasn’t to throw it a bun.”
The otyugh buries itself back into its pile and we move on.
We all make more CON saves; Gideon passes his third, and is temporarily resistant to the smell down here.
Kessler makes another navigation check, but rolls a 6. (We need Gunna for this really, but he’s off on a boat somewhere.) We wander around for a few hours, seemingly lost. During this time, Ahleqs starts to get splitting headaches, and his eyes start to turn a milky white. Charity makes a medicine check - and Prestidigitates himself to get rid of the skunk smell (an ability that he, by the way, has had this entire time.)
Charity rolls a 19 and surmises, correctly, that Ahleqs is suffering from Blinding Sickness, and starts expositing about his history and how he came across a farmer with this exact ailment while he was working as a scribe. Ahleqs is sick a little bit on his freshly-Prestidigitated shoe. “Just a little bit.”
Charity can cure him with the magics and the medicines. (Ahleqs, slowly, to the DM: “Do I trust him?”) Charity takes a little bottle out of his pouch, turns away from him, does a thing - and then jabs him in the neck with a hypodermic needle. But his blinding sickness is cured!
Oh yes, Charity is a trained battlefield medic, he informs us as he discards the needle. And then he vomits.
Would he like Ahleqs to stab him in the neck?
Kessler has been trying for a while now to find her bearings on the map, so those of us with fewer than 3 successes can roll CON saves again. Charity fails and is violently sick, but the rest of us are now temporarily resistant. Ahleqs offers his water skin to the Brother, as he must be dehydrated by now. Charity is sick into it. Ahleqs discards it.
“I didn’t want that any more anyway.”
Kessler finds a passageway - we hear water roaring in the distance. The passage opens up into a dome shaped room, 50 or 60 ft across. Two sewage rivers drop down into a whirlpool where it drains away. The only way through is via a rickety wooden walkway that spans one edge of the whirlpool between two of the passages. Gideon’s dwarven eyes think it doesn’t look very sturdy.
He has THE BEST idea. How long is the walkway? About 20 feet. He could use his special thing - oh, wait. Was it 20 feet? Yes, along the side of the room. This might take too long but he could turn it into something else, like stone but it would take - many minutes, Ed tells us. Kessler, in the lead, makes a DEX save - at advantage thanks to Gideon’s warning. She rolls an 11. (We might be about to find out what Plummeting Mode looks like on Kessler’s suit.)
The walkway collapses, but she just manages to step back away from it in time. How are we going to cross, the DM asks us? We hem and haw for a while, being somewhat short on grappling hooks or Flying spells.
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We need an Immovable Rod for this really. Gideon suggests chucking people over in the Bag of Holding. He checks his Floating Disk spell again to see if he can control it and send it over with someone on top of it, but it seems not.
We’ve been down here for about seven hours now. Charity decides it’s time for another poem; we all groan.
“Ahem. Would you dance if I asked you to dance? Or would you run and never look back? Would you cry if you saw me crying? And would you save my soul tonight? Would you tremble if I touched your lips? Or would you laugh? Oh, please tell me this. Now would you die for the one you love? Oh hold me in your arms tonight. I can be your hero baby...”
Kessler interrupts to ask what to roll to jump across the gap. She gets a 17, but is hanging on by her fingers. 
Tarragon: “I WILL re-skunk, I’m warning you now.”
18 to hit Brother Charity? He has half cover so he can add two to his AC, but it still hits. We’re being shot at by disgusting rat people! He takes 5 damage.
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“Why you in sewer?” the rat men shout across the whirlpool.
Well, we’ve come to deal with the flesh... squisher? Splatter? Thing.
“What is flesh squisher?” they ask. Ahleqs explains, giving the details that Shanks gave us. He makes a 23 Persuasion check, and the rat mens’ leader nods.
“Big monster, deeper in.”
Gideon: “Yes, we have an appointment.”
“You kill big monster?”
Ahleqs, still not sure if these rats like the flesh ripper or not and taking a gamble: “Ye- yes!”
“Big monster terrifying, rips arms off. Kill it for sure?”
Ahleqs, holding out Simon: “I can make a mouse glow, and that’s the least of my talents.”
“You no hurt rat men?”
“As long as you don’t hurt us. Hear that, Charity? They’ll be our friends if no more poems.”
“Yes, no more poems, rat people no hurt.”
Gideon: “How do we get through here?”
“Climb walls. You need help?”
Ahleqs points to the whirlpool and asks what happens if we fall. The rat men shrug. Comforting.
This is the second time we haven’t murder-hobo’ed! The DM is proud of us. The rat men will leave, and come back with wood to fix the bridge for us. Aw! 
“You sure you can kill big bad? Promise?” they ask as they fix the bridge. Well, if we can’t then we’ll be dead anyway, so we make the promise.
The rat men don’t seem any more enamoured of Charity’s poetry than we are. “No more poetry?”
Charity, miffed: “I spent hours on those poems.”  
Melaina, disdainfully: “A waste of your time and ours.” (Matthew specifically asks to have that recorded in the minutes.)
Charity pauses before crossing the bridge to ask the rat men to critique his poetry; they tell him it was terrible and made their ears bleed. “So it was more the content than the delivery, then.”
(Ed does a huge burp, at least a 9.5/10. Matthew: God-DAMN! Duncan: Sounds like you need to chew your dinner again.)
Kessler is starting to feel the effects of the disease; her vision is starting to blur. The star-crossed lovers start squabbling again.
Charity sees that Kessler’s eyes are starting to go milky like Ahleqs’ did. He hands her a tincture from his pack and tells her “drink it, if you want.” He didn't roll good on his healer’s kit though so it fails. Tarragon casts Lesser Restoration and crows about being better at healing than the Cleric.
We are in a quiet part of the sewers; now would be a good time to rest, Kessler tells us, now that she is able to see the map again.
There is no rubbish but a lot of gore down here, we notice as we rest. Probably close to the Flesh Ripper’s lair then. Tarragon burns some of her Relaxing Bark, so anyone rolling hit dice can regain two of them. (Ahleqs asks if anyone has a tincture that can restore sorcery points; not so much.)
(Joe forgets to enable the mouse layer again, so we pause so he can ignite Simon and Ahleqs can see.)
We move on. Charity pulls out a piece of paper, considers it, crumples it and throws it in the canal (it’s water, not sewage, here). The rat men were the final straw, obviously. Tarragon, who is the only one behind him in the marching order, sees this and files it away without saying anything. 
Something slimy and black slams into the wall next to Kessler’s head - it is some sort of pseudopod. Yuck.
Does 14 hit Brother Carl?
“14 hits Brother Carl like a motherfucker!” His vestments start to melt with the acid damage. Brother Charity shouts “CARL!”
Hanging form the ceiling are two dark patches of slime; one has hit Brother Carl and the other looks to be winding up for an attack as well. They are making a horrible schlorping noise that we can hear over the audio.
Ahleqs is up first. He hits one with Eldritch Blast for ten damage, and ducks down behind Melaina.
She can’t hide from them, so she just has a shoot. 15 hits, for 22 damage. Nice.
What does Charity want to do? His friend is poorly, so he does another Life Transference.
Tarragon runs forward and Healing Word’s Brother Carl, and holds a Thorn Whip until one of the black slimes gets within 30 feet of her.
Gideon does a Chill Touch and rolls a big number. Carl can probably reach one as the pipe we are in is circular, and it’s likely only about ten feet up the full 20foot height. He rolls badly, however, and misses.
Kessler hits one with a crossbow attack for 7 piercing; she reloads and fires again for ten. She goes to hide, but forgot to turn off the strobe lights on the front of her suit.
The slime (it is a Black Pudding) hits Carl with a 23 for 8 blud and 23 acid damage. His armour starts to melt; he gets a permanent, cumulative -1 to his AC. Is he dead? On the plus side, he doesn’t wear armour so there’s just a hole in his shirt. On the minus side that was all his hit points and he was using those to live. On Brother Charity’s turn he will shout out Carl’s name.
Gideon is attacked, but the Pudding misses so we’re back to Ahleqs. He shoots at the most damaged one with Eldritch Blast and hits twice for 13 total damage. “Killing it instantly?”
DM: “No, not at all, but it didn’t enjoy it if that makes you feel any better.”
Melaina shoots again and hits for 19 damage - how de do dis! It turns into mucus and flops down onto the floor.
Charitoir is up. He runs forward yelling Carl’s name and chugging a health potion as he goes. He casts a Little Bit of Making Carl Better, A Little Bit of Making Him Good, and gives him 14 of his own HP.
Tarragon wants to know if she knew that Charity was using his own health to heal Carl; she rolls a 5 on her Arcana check. Not so much, then. Still, she sees that Charity is pretty badly off now so she sighs and reluctantly casts Cure Wounds on him. He immediately drops to his knees in the water, tearing up with joy, and holds his arms out to her, whispering “Thank you!” She backs up five feet.
(Unbeknownst to him, or any of us for that matter, he only has three more hours left on the madness that caused him to think he’s fallen in love with her. This is going to be interesting, especially considering his ‘certain views’ on the smaller races, Matthew reminds us.)
Gideon pokes the remaining Pudding where he believes the beady little eye to be with Chill Touch for 13 damage. Nice.
Carl is up. He draws his mace and bashes it - a ten is a hit, somehow. That’s the good news. Yay, seven bludgeoning attack! The bad news is that he takes 4 acid damage, and his weapon starts to melt. It now does less damage, which is cumulative and permanent. Kessler can fix it. She thinks.
She shoots her crossbow and hits twice. Sweet. The Pudding shoots a tendril at Charity - 13 to hit? Matthew has a horrible feeling that’s right on the money… and it is. Just as Charity is reaching for Tarragon, it slaps his hand down. “No petting!”
Just for Ahleqs, Joe makes the Pudding do the horrible schlorping noise again. He quivers in terror. More Eldritch Blasts! 8 hits, luckily. 8 Force damage and it dies instantly…? (A coward, but an optimist.)
He can hide behind his friends still, so he doesn’t move.
Melaina shoots with a natty 20. “I will kill it with my bow.” She gets her sneak attack now as Carl is in melee with it. Crit table says max damage and she can roll the damage dice a third time. Her damage dice is a d8+4, and sneak attack max is 3d6, or 18. 12 plus 18 and she can roll another d8, and add another ten for her Sharpshooter.
Joe doesn’t even bother adding the damage. She bloody well does kill it with her bow - how de do dis!
“It flies around the room like a balloon with a hole in it.”
We still hear the schlorping noise coming from somewhere deeper in - so it wasn’t coming from the Puddings. Hmm. 
Joe calls it there for this week, congratulating us on not murderizing everything we saw today. We’re growing as people.
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teejaydeetrip · 8 years ago
Text
Realisations
It’s been two weeks since I’ve written anything and my last entry was a paragraph about nothingness. It’s funny how time passes like that. It barely feels like two days ago that I was just infuriatingly exhausted all the time, and never passing a day without thinking of offing myself. To be honest, I still feel the same today. So I’ve been floating about in a haze. I haven’t felt able to message Jess. I haven’t gone to Tio’s Tuesdays. I didn’t read anything until yesterday. 
But how could it have been two weeks? Two weeks of stopping myself from thinking about the future. Two weeks of 12 hour sleeps and curry plates at Lentils. Two weeks of streaming movies and playing Playstation and not replying to messages from the few that I received and a rare kind of abundance of stretches of sobriety. God I am so bored all the time.
Last Sunday was okay, I guess. Last Sunday was Easter Sunday and my friends at RTS held a house party that they called the Church Of Screaming Electro and I made cocktails for everyone at the party. It was fun. I made 7 Old Fashioned’s with homemade scotch and cherry liqueur and a couple of Espresso Manhattan’s, although there was no vanilla vodka left, so I settled with Cranberry vodka, which sort of made it an Espresso Manhattan Cosmo, I guess?
Espresso Manhattan: -30 ml Whisky -30ml Kahlua -30ml Cranberry Vodka
I made a form of Trinidad Sour that used a shot of scotch and a shot of spiced rum, also homemade. I made one for Raph as well, because she donated the egg and the lemon to my cause. Kieran tried his hand at introducing me to a drink he came up with which involved him very drunkenly making up a pot of coffee and using two shots of the watery shit per drink, mixed with a full shot of absinthe and a full shot of gin. I smiled and sipped and put it down on the table when he wandered off to greet some guests who had just arrived. 
Sometime around 10, when Kieran was laying down his first set ever, which opened with Soulwax’s amazing remix of Superstar DJ by the Chemical Brothers, I had to leave for work. 
As I left, Marina messaged me asking if I wanted the night off and I was more than happy, because at this point I was starting to get quite wrecked. 
I had to come in and grab my pay for the previous two nights, so I opted to walk to 77 instead of waste money on an Uber. On the way I bought 6 lemons to make more Trinidad Sours later. Whilst at the convenience store, I saw a jar of peanut butter and realised I was in the unique position to try and remake a drink a mixologist friend came up with. Jesse had won 3rd place in Jack Daniels US Cocktail Competition for an Elvis Sandwich inspired cocktail:
-60ml Jack Daniels Tennessee Whiskey -30ml Maple Syrup -2 Tablespoons Peanut Butter -1 Handful of Raspberries -1 Pinch Of Salt
It was by far the weirdest cocktail I have ever made, and I shopped it around to Matty and everyone else at 77. Teunez was there, and he offered me a bump of K in exchange for one. We bumped and he drank and his friend threw up on a tree outside and was still throwing up when I jumped in an Uber back to the party and T came along so he could make cocktails too. 
The rest of the night was a blur of ketamine and high ABV drinks. I remember having a bump as big as a line just before mixing up 5 old fashioned’s and forgetting who I was and what I was doing halfway through, but deciding to push through anyway, and using a coffee strainer to strain the old fashioned’s. Some of them disappeared into thin air before I had finished the last one.
At the end of the night, I put my head through a glass pane in the kitchen door. 
What else have I done these past few weeks?
I don’t know. I ghosted on Matty on our usual Tuesday cocktail night because Layla showed up and made me anxious. 
Andy and me are pretty tight now. He’s got me as pretty much 2ic or Head Bartender or something and I ran an entire Saturday night without him. Next week I’m running the whole weekend without him.  I got Reubin a job there, which will make Fridays and Saturdays more interesting.
I feel sick and tired all the time. I wonder if it’s alcoholism. I literally never feel this bad when I have a drink in my hand. It probably is.
Ah see that’s important. Self-realisation. Couple of things: Firstly, I have started to realise that maybe I’m physically addicted to alcohol again. I don’t know if I should be weaning off or going cold turkey, but either way. I feel sick as fuck right now. Is this rotgut or withdrawl? I haven’t drank since Sunday so it has to be withdrawl, right?
And then there’s the sadness. My bipolar. It just hasn’t kicked in like this for so long in a while, but it’s just a downswing, right? A bipolar downswing. Most people have a weird understanding of bipolar, like that it means you only have really happy or really sad. It kind of sort of is that, but over long periods of time. Weeks or even months pass where there’s not much that can make you happy, and weeks or even months pass where there’s not much that can make you sad. I hope I am on the way out of a bipolar downswing. There is no way to tell.
I might wake up tomorrow with no urge or inclination to type again. I simply don’t know. But this, this is a start.
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