#literally as long as my person likes it i dont care what this fic does

[bell-swamp-fitzjames]

might check in later, or tomorrow, but im at 3,313 for this one xmas terror fic (not actually xmas related but its a gift exchange). i HAVE to crack down bc if i ... want it completed. it must get cooked. BUT we are feeling it tonight and i might have to still cut it short to get some good sleep, i dont work until later tomorrow & hopefully i can keep the vibes up.

[mymoshangthoughts]

i think i have the unpopular opinion that airplane is an egotist lol

i do enjoy reading fics where he's like "i dont deserve good things, this guy is way out of my league" and i do totally get where people are coming from when they characterize him that way but more and more lately im just like

"what about the comments?"

like i dont think that airplane has a SUPER high opinion of himself, but i think he's just kinda... confident? like when he reads fucking essays online about how his writing sucks he's able to laugh his ass off over it and even join in the fray. so i keep thinking rather than him being like "i dont deserve this nice thing", he'd more have a "SCORE! nice thing for me!! WHOO!" reaction. and when a bad thing happened, instead of being super "this is the saddest day of my life, someone was mean to me", he'd be more "omfg did you like fr waste your time being mean to me? thats actually pretty embarrassing for you lmfao, r u oki bro?"

like kinda that terminally online asshole internet troll of a person who just doesnt take shit seriously and has enough self esteem to just legitimately not give a fuck when someone is shitty

ofc it's different with demons who can literally skin him alive, theres a huge difference between someone saying "youre ugly" and someone breaking every bone in his body, so its not like he doesn't cower when necessary

but also inwardly he just has the confidence to not be effected much by cowering. like "lol imma hug this thigh bc i aint stupid but the fact that this asshole needs me to hug his thigh says a looottttt more about him than it says about me"

idk im just kinda wanting to see more unapologetically confident airplane who just does not give a fuck about anyones opinion so long as the opinion is coming from someone who cant actually fuck him over in a significant way. like sha hualing? obvs care about her opinion, she can gut him. some rando disciple? "lmfao out of my way loser, im gay"

also i kinda wanna see that confidence stripped away until he's a mewling mess but thats just my desire to break down confident characters and make them cry pfff

its so much funnier to me if airplane was actually a pretty impervious sort of person, it's only the extreme nature of his current situation that turned him into a crybaby lmfao

idk if im making sense, i just kinda think of airplane as being a hilarious mixture of "the most self assured guy you've ever met, to an obnoxious extent" and "wait does he have any self esteem at all?!? is he okay?!?" in a fun contradictory way, cuz thats the impression i got of him from canon

also modern au mobei jun getting Very upset bc it feels absolutely impossible to get under airplane's skin. like he's sitting here trying his best to get a reaction and airplane is just "lmfao yea but idgaf abt your opinion sooooooooo"

look, i also think it'd just be awesome if mobei jun is actually most attracted to the egotistical side of shang qinghua. like sure, he thinks that cowering sobbing pathetic hamster shang qinghua is delicious, but give him shang qinghua cackling arrogantly at his detractors with the air of an emperor? mobei jun might actually faint with desire

so like, mobei jun visiting an ding peak so much initially because shang qinghua is sus as fuck and all that jazz, but eventually he's sneaking in as often as possible so that he gets to peak that side of shang qinghua.

like he first notices it when shang qinghua is too absorbed in his paperwork to remember there's a demon lord casually napping on his bed and starts making fun of the lousy penmanship, his fellow disciples, other peak lords, no one is except from his sharp mocking tongue and laughing criticism. but he notices it more and more

someone comes to qinghua's door to throw their weight around? sure, qinghua acts all small and harmless with them there but when they leave, he's cackling about "annndd that pathetic loser thinks that no one knows abt his porn stache, pssshhh, get on my level pleb. especially with your frankly boring as fuck tastes" and qinghua has a dirty sense of humor too and it's sort of driving mobei jun insane

so maybe sometimes he shows up at the peak without announcing his presence, trying to peak what sort of shit that shang qinghua might say about him behind his back and mmaaaayyybbe mobei jun is a bit excited at the prospect and disappointed when it's difficult to hear his name on shang qinghua's tongue

until one glorious day when his timing is just right and shang qinghua is neck deep in the middle of northern desert paperwork and he lets loose and mobei jun isnt sure whats worse: the things that shang qinghua's biting insults are doing to him or how, in stark comparison to the way that shang qinghua insults to others, all of shang qinghua's insults are accompanied by dirty commentary about mobei jun's body and potential sexual prowess in a quite positive light. normally shang qinghua is all "lmfao mr. never-gonna-get-fucked qi-ge is gonna tell me what to do? tough shit my lil bitch, i might be your daddy but i know the full depth of malicious compliance! go back to your brat-kink with jiu-whatever. you might as well be dickless for all the success you've had, mr. virgin mcbitch" but with mobei jun it's a lot more like "oh so mr. sexier than the fucking literal god of this world could have imagined in his dirtiest dreams wants this paperwork by next week? unreasonable brat, so spoiled, i should spoil him, he'd look reeeeaallly hot when spoiled absolutely rotten beneath me hehehh wait above me? hm, anyway, he's being a little bitch but i'll forgive it for that face but also man i wanna just pinch those fucking cheeks sometimes and then--man i bet he'd be really fucking wild in the sack to and--"

absolutely charmed by the display, mobei jun immediately reveals himself and beats shang qinghua senseless as a very clear indication of his intentions. to his absolute dismay, he never hears shang qinghua insulting him again and he doubles the beatings in desperation to somehow get shang qinghua's attention

(shang qinghua does not, in fact, have any actual bad blood against his zhangmen-shixiong, he just has a bad habit of going for the throat when he's in the middle of a tirade bc he was once an internet troll who shamelessly thrived on the anonymity of being able to say anything to anyone. he just really likes to talk shit and if he was in a position of power, would absolutely abuse it to talk shit alllll the time lmfao)

anyway i got pretty off topic bUT MY POINT IS that shang qinghua is best (imho) when he is a shameless egotistical shit-talker who's more or less impervious to the criticism of others

((man just fucking IMAGINE mobei jun's reaction when the ascension ceremony happens? like he FINALLY gets shang qinghua to talk shit to his face no less and then IMMEDIATELY gets abandoned. and like, it was kinda Really Bad Timing and also mobei jun never really wanted to just be a passive participant! he wanted to retort back! he wanted a back and forth! he wanted to refute shang qinghua's claims that he was spoiled just as much as he wanted to hear those claims! he wants the push and pull!!!! SO WHY IS SHANG QINGHUA RUNNING AWAY THAT FUCKING TEASE?!?!))

also as a general note i do think that shang qinghua's whole impervious thing is prolly routed in a lot of the trauma of being unwanted by family and all of that stuff, there was no one around to build his ego up so he built it up all on his own and he's really fucking good at building things up

[ohdeerfully]

Hello

I live

Well, barely

OMG ISTG I JUST REREAD LIKE ALL OF YOUR FICS I'M GOING SGSJDGDJHFJDY

Your writing. I swear. It's so good. Like when I read any other alastor x reader fic I have this nasty voice in the back of my head going 'He wouldn't do this'. THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN HERE

You are a genius. (Thabk you for speepy Alastor coming from an insomniac is good praise, no?)

My personal favourites are

a. Either of the sleepy Alastoe fics (obviously)

b. Dry bed. Istg the writing in that.. Augh

Could you do a part two to Dry bed? Maybe they just wake up (Together!!!) and awkwardly get their way down to breakfast. Then they simply avoid each other all day, not talking, but still stealing glances at each other when the other isn't looking. Then reader finds Alastor chilling on the hotel roof the following night and they TALK about it. And figure things out.

Omg thabk you for listening to my rant I hope you are doing well byeeee

~❤✨

P. S. You and your fics are my new hyperfixation

hello!!!!! in general sorry yall for my absence, finals are literally next week so it Will happen again

im so glad u like my depiction of alastor hes literally so annoying to write... a dry bed is honestly probably one of if not THE fave fic ive written (though might be a tie with mourning dove) so i hope part ii does it a bit of justice (,: i kind of deviated from ur request at the beginning (they dont wake up together >_<) but otherwise i hope u enjoy! hopefully its not too obvious i kind of rushed it

mwah! <3

A Warm Bed

(sequel to A Dry Bed)

Alastor x Reader (hurt/comfort, fluff) TW: none really, alastor is probs ooc but who cares

join my discord!

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It felt a little bit too cold when you woke up, but you couldn’t immediately find a reason why. Your eyes squinted open, facing the curtains that were drawn just enough to where a peek of the morning light rudely shone against your face. You turned over with a dissatisfied groan.

Peering at the empty bed beside you, you stared blankly as wheels began to turn in your mind. It only took a few seconds to remember the previous night, and your face quickly warned as you hissed in a breath through clenched teeth, wrists coming up and rubbing your eyes with a sense of dismay.

Man, what were you thinking. You felt a strong mixture of regret and embarrassment but also… you felt lonely. The strong, strange affection from Alastor the previous night directly compared to him disappearing and leaving you alone in the morning made you feel all the more cold. The room also had an uncomfortable silence to it, but at the same time too loud with the hum of your ceiling fan.

Whatever, you feigned indifference to yourself and lifted yourself from your mattress, legs dangling over the side of your bed for a few moments, allowing yourself to get a quick stretch in before sliding on some comfortable slippers while you went to your restroom, protecting your feet against the cold tile.

You quickly freshened up, pulling on some comfortable loungewear before leaving your hotel room and walking down the long corridor that led to the steps. Maybe it was just your current mood, but the ambience was too quiet and uncomfortable.

Your spirits slowly lifted as you made your way down the steps, and you could hear the faint clashing of kitchen tools being dropped and thrown, alongside unintelligible and arguing voices, one doubtlessly being Vaggie trying to tame—or, no, threaten—the chaos.

The air, at the very least, smelled good despite the racquet. Though you were in Hell, the food was still appetizing—even if you weren’t exactly sure what it was half the time.

You must’ve made it just in time, as right when you turned the corner you nearly hit your head against Charlie’s shoulder as she rounded the same corner. You tripped over each other for a moment before she ultimately steadied you with a hand and a breezy laugh.

"Good morning! I was just about to tell everyone breakfast was ready…” You smiled at her gesture. Every morning she tried to host some sort of typical continental style breakfast that was standard for most hotels—that is if Niffty’s behavior permitted a successful morning—and the quality was usually higher than what you remembered in your time alive. Of course, you were dealing with the Princess of Hell, who obviously wouldn’t want anything mediocre for her treasured guests.

“Thank you,” was all you could offer in return before she passed you, doubtlessly to gently announce the food to the other guests. There had been an increase in residents lately, so you weren’t shocked at the piles of delicious looking food that met your eyes when you stepped into the kitchen. You could practically imagine sparkles dancing around the fluffy pancakes and still sizzling pans of various breakfast meats.

You helped yourself to a meal, carefully stepping around the growing crowd of other guests, who all, for the most part, seemed a little aggravated at being woken up but nonetheless pleased at the free meal.

A brief hush filled the room as the air seemed to get just a bit heavier, more ominous, alongside the new presence of a prickling against your skin. You didn’t have to look up, nor did you even want to look up, to know who the culprit of such a suffocated atmosphere was; you knew him well enough.

The kitchen slowly came back to life, albeit a bit stiffer and with quieter conversation. You kept your eyes glued to your plate of food as you made your way towards the dining area. As you passed through the entrance, out of your peripheral you saw the large, looming figure of the demon you had become unnaturally attached to. You didn’t look up or even acknowledge him, pretending to just not notice, but you could swear you felt his red gaze burning a hole in your skin.

A few minutes passed after you sat down before Alastor joined you, sitting in his unofficial assigned seat. The only difference was he didn’t scoot his chair nearly as close as usual, as well as the way his body was turned just slightly so that his back was facing you. Not enough to be noticed by other people, but just enough for you—though, maybe you were just overanalyzing things?—to notice how he was pointedly uninviting you from any interactions with him.

Why even bother coming to breakfast, you thought coldly to yourself, deciding to just feel mad about it instead of stewing in your own self-hate and regret. You had already spent all morning feeling stupid for the night before. It’s not like you even eat this shit. Go eat a dead deer or something.

Your fork poked aggressively against the food on your plate, head propped up against a fist as you mindlessly scooted the food around in a pool of syrup. You hoped to convey some sense of hatred to the demon next to you as you jammed a fluffy bite of pancake into your mouth—oh, that’s so good, your spirits were lifted just a bit as the slightly sweet and buttery pancake touched your tongue.

A hand touched your back, and you jolted in surprise. Naturally your eyes first went to Alastor next to you, thinking maybe he was finally over himself, but he had his hands folded on the table in front of him as he watched another table argue over something probably meaningless. Maybe you’re crazy, but did you see his eyes flick to your just as you looked away? You shook off the idea.

Vaggie sat to your right, and was currently eyeing you with a hint of concern in her eye. You shrugged off her hand as politely as possible before smiling at her with a raised eyebrow, trying to play it off with an ‘I’m alright.’

“People that are ‘alright’ don’t usually have some personal vendetta against a plate of breakfast food,” She said in a low voice, trying to keep your conversation private, particularly from a certain set of prying, fluffy red ears. “You know you have friends here. Especially Charlie.”

“Really, I’m all good, just… long morning,” You did your best to wave away her worries again, suddenly feeling a little childish. From the way she spoke, you would think she was talking to someone going through something serious—you were just having some guy problems.

It seemed to work well enough, because after looking at you for a few more beats she raised her hand and turned away, picking up a conversation with her girlfriend. You sat in your spot for a few more minutes, but the growing anxiety from silently and awkwardly sitting next to Alastor, sifting through so many racing thoughts and doubts, gnawed at your stomach. You finally stood up and excused yourself with a thank you and left the room.

You had no specific place to be, so you just wandered into the lobby and slumped against a couch. You briefly wondered where Angel was; he was surprisingly good at listening to romantic troubles, though honestly you probably wouldn’t divulge your whole “thing” with Alastor. That would probably meet no welcomed response.

You must have dozed off, because the sudden sound of raised voices startled your eyes open. Arguments and general anger were commonplace here, so you weren’t particularly shocked to find Vaggie and Angel Dust going at it about something regarding his behavior and the Hotel—a recurring theme in their conversations. Vaggie’s words fell on deaf ears as Angel tutted at her words with a waving and dismissive hand.

“I’m sure ninety percent of these guests would love to have a piece’a me!” He said, taking long strides across the room as he fixed up his chest fluff with two hands. He leaned his hip against the large chair that, much to your dismay, sat Alastor, his grin tightening as Angel approached. His eyes narrowed suspiciously as the spider laid his torso across the head of the chair.

“Even this one…” Angel said with a pouty lilt in his voice, finger dragging up the embellishments as he tried to play flirty. Alastor clicked his tongue distastefully in response before he stood up, hands folding neatly across the top of his cane.

“Not quite to my taste, thank you!” He said, looking down at Angel with an ugly curl in his lip. Angel only huffed in response before slinking down the back of the chair and taking up the space where Alastor previously sat, leaving said demon just standing there.

Alastor’s eyes glanced at you, so brief that you honestly may have imagined it, before he simply hummed with closed eyes and melted into the ground, the shadow where he once stood inking across the carpet before finally coming to a rest… behind the couch where you were laying. You grimaced as you felt his presence manifest again, sending a ripple of that familiar prickle down your bare arms.

Was this going to be your eternity now? Playing some game of cat and mouse where you have to leave every room you’re in just because Alastor gets too close for comfort? You turned your head to try to get a look at him from the corner of your eye, but immediately looked away again when you saw he was already looking at you. You couldn’t read his expression.

You sat up and thought for a few moments. Honestly, it was probably best to just go spend a depression day alone in your room. As pushy as Alastor could be, he wasn’t typically the type to barge into rooms without invitation.

Slowly standing, you managed to avoid the attention of the couple of others in the room—though, realistically, none would care if they happened to see you leave; you were just on edge to everyone and everything. You quickly made your way up the stairs, frowning down at your feet as you walked. You shot a sideways glance at Alastor as you rounded a turn in the steps, finally meeting his gaze for a few seconds before your view was blocked by the wall.

You sighed as you found yourself in front of your hotel room, a heavy feeling making you suddenly choke up. You ushered yourself into the room before you embarrassed yourself by crying openly in the hallway, but the comforting solitude of your room as you leaned your back against the door to close it made it a bit easier to breathe.

After ensuring the door was locked, you went to stand at the edge of the bed, frowning down at the still unmade sheets. Thoughts of that tender night came to the front of your mind at full force, and you bit your lip anxiously. The warmth of his body against yours, the tangle of legs and soft touches of lips… was it all actually, in a cruel turn of reality, a fake expression of care from him? When you had finally begun to think you could read the affection on his face…

You settled into the soft mattress, uncomfortably aware of how big and cold it was. You were no stranger to sleeping alone by any means, but after finally experiencing the shared space with someone you loved, the contrast was stark and unwelcomed. You did your best to ignore it as you tucked yourself in, letting your eyes fall shut in a poor attempt to sleep away your worries.

Your attempts were unsuccessful, and an empty feeling of longing and despair in your stomach grew stronger with each hour that passed as you watched the red hue of the daylight sky turn darker. You felt both restless and tired at the same time, lacking any energy to actually do anything to pass the time. 

It all proved to be counterintuitive to the whole “sleep your worries away” as the hours you spent just lying down only gave you ample opportunity to melt in your own thoughts as the memories of last night kept returning. Man, why did you have to kiss him? You unwittingly ignored the fact that he had also played a part in closing that gap between you; you were honestly just pinning the blame fully on yourself.

Finally sick of stewing in misery, you kicked off the heavy blanket and stood up. You needed some fresh air. 

You tried to walk quickly with a fake sense of purpose so, in the odd chance you passed someone, they hopefully wouldn’t ask about your absence all day—you were typically more present and friendly with everybody as you would often help Charlie with event organization. Lucky enough for you, you passed nobody on your way to the door that opened to some stairs up to the roof of the Hotel.

After a quick pace up the echoey, metal steps, you pushed open the large doors and greeted with a pleasantly cool rush of wind. It was still warm, of course, being Hell and all, but cooler than usual. You quietly closed the heavy doors behind you.

There was a spot on the roof you typically sat at during long, restless nights, and you turned the corner of the door before promptly backtracking and pressing yourself up against the metal door once again, jaw clenched in a mix of shock and anger.

Why the Hell was Alastor on the roof at your spot with your blanket that you had left up here on some previous night? Was he doing all this on purpose? Constantly getting all too close to you while simultaneously acting cool and indifferent towards your existence? Was this all just some sick game to him? Well… it is Alastor.

You peeked over the edge from where you hid to get a better look at him. He sat serenely with his back towards you, legs hanging over the edge of the roof. You couldn’t see his expression, but his body waved just slightly, most likely to the tune of some song in his head. Despite all the frustration you felt in your soul towards him, looking at him under the blanket of a dark red sky with a sprinkling of stars… he still endeared you. Especially when he looked so harmless and relaxed.

Just as you were about to turn away again and find somewhere else to relax, he cleared his throat, stopping you before you could even move.

“It’s rude to stare,” He stated, projecting his voice just enough for you to hear the light humor in his voice. “You seem like a stalker, darling!”

You straightened your shoulders before walking out from behind the wall, a frown on your face. You didn’t walk any closer—God forbid you accidentally do anything to hurt your relationship anymore, if that was even possible.

“I didn’t mean to, I was just… surprised, that’s all,” You reasoned, tapping your foot impatiently. “You are kind of in my spot.”

He hummed, absently pointing at the surface around him. “I didn’t see your name on it.” 

You couldn’t really think of a response quickly, so you just stayed quiet, continuing to just stand in place a few meters away from Alastor.

He briefly put his hand down on the space next to him, patting twice in a vague invitation for you to join him. You thought for a brief moment before cautiously walking towards him, steps growing slower with each foot you got closer. He made no move to send you away—in fact, he even started moving the blanket in a way to make the concrete just a bit more comfortable to sit on. He still didn’t look at you.

Embarrassingly your hands had started to shake, which you realized when you reached your hand down to support your body as you lowered it to sit. You just hoped Alastor didn’t notice. You let your legs fall over the ledge, swinging slightly next to Alastor’s. You didn’t notice how he shifted his knee a bit closer to yours.

The two of you sat in silence under the still-darkening sky, and you couldn’t decide if it was a comfortable or awkward silence. Alastor didn’t seem to mind, so you tried to convince yourself it was comfortable despite the itching anxiety in your chest.

“I’m really sorry about last night,” You blurted out, unable to contain it anymore. Was it a bad idea to even bring it up? Maybe. But you felt that your relationship was already irreparably damaged so it couldn’t hurt to at least apologize. You saw his eyes turn towards you out of your peripheral, and you were too ashamed to meet his look, instead opting to fiddle with a fray of the blanket edge.

“Whatever for?” He responded after an uncomfortably long pause—this stunned you. Fuck you mean ‘whatever for?’ Your head whipped up to look at him, brows furrowed.

You had spent all die scared that you ruined everything between you and Alastor, regretting everything that led up to last night’s events—it didn’t help that Alastor himself was also blatantly avoiding you. What the fuck is he acting so confused for?

Apparently you said that all out loud, as Alastor’s smile was growing more and more strained with each loud word that tumbled from your lips. You didn’t even realize until you were done and catching your breath, but at this point you couldn’t care less to apologize or feel bad about it. You folded your arms and fixated your eyes on some random pedestrian below as another long stretch of silence filled the air.

“You confuse me,” He finally said, with a voice that lacked its usual radio tone. You didn’t respond, so he continued. “I feel these alien emotions when I’m near you—you bewitch me. And I don’t like it. I hate you for it.”

You couldn’t control the slight slump in your shoulders and the sharp pang in your stomach that his words brought you. Hate. 

“But… I kill the demons I hate,” He said, looking away from you and up at the sky. “And I can’t find myself wanting to kill you. That has to mean something, though I’m really no man to figure it out myself.”

You cautiously returned your eyes back to him, shoulders curled forward as if to protect yourself against the blow of any harsh words. But, as he spoke, you felt that anxiety slowly lighten as you pieced together what he was trying to convey in his own strange way. Although, you weren’t really sure what to say in response, filled with too many swarming emotions—both new and old. 

Suddenly you looked at the space between the two of you—was Alastor’s hand there just a minute ago? You looked up to try to get any hint of his goals; but, unsurprisingly, he remained unreadable. It was definitely safer to just ignore it.

Well, that got a lot harder when his pinkie finger stretched towards you just a bit, practically inviting you. You looked at his face one more time, swallowed your fear, and tenderly laid your hand down next to his. You moved it cautiously closer, just enough so that your pinkie touched his own. His lifted up and curled over yours, tightening in a way to bring the rest of your hand closer and enveloping it with his own. Your gaze was fixated on this exchange and you felt heat warm your cheeks and ears.

You both said nothing, but you thought the pounding in your ears would drown out any attempt.

Your attention finally broke from the hands that now clasped together between the two of you, turning up towards Alastor. You found that he had been looking at you with such an intensity it made you feel like an open book before him. His eyes had a slight glow to them now that the sky had fully darkened—eyes that were usually so malicious and secretive seemed to now burn with what you could only assume was affection.

“I can’t promise I’ll be a good man,” He finally broke the silence. His smile was small but strained, and his voice uncharacteristically quiet. 

In response you shook your head with a breathless laugh, tightening your hand just slightly around his as you focused on the street below, watching the scattered presence of night owl demons.

“I probably couldn’t promise the same, either,” You admitted, leaning back and stretching out your legs in the open air over the ledge of the roof. You froze momentarily when Alastor shifted a bit closer, his knee now barely knocking against yours.

He reached his hand out, fingers curling gingerly but firm over your chin and pulling your face closer to his. He examined your face for a moment, red eyes trailing over every curve of your features before settling back to look into your eyes.

“But I can promise, cher,” The new name he referred to you as made the already present flush in your cheeks only intensify. “That as long as you own what’s left of my heart, no demon in Hell can keep you away from me. Not even you.”

His words were spoken almost like a threat in an ominously low tone, that heavy radio affliction dripping from his words. In his eyes was a sudden look of sinister intensity and devotion, something you had never even dreamed of seeing, especially from him and especially towards you. As menacing as the words seemed, you couldn’t stop the wry smirk that inched up your lips, slightly smushed between his fingers that still firmly held your head in place.

“I’d like to see anyone try,” You responded in an attempt to match his energy. This seemed good enough for him, as his smile lifted for a moment as he released you from his grasp and faced forward again.

You yawned and stretched out your arms above your head, popping a few bones in your back before you stood. He followed suit, deftly touching his clothes with one hand to smooth any wrinkles or crooked buttons—his other was still holding your own.

He stepped closer, nearly pressed against you, when suddenly the atmosphere around you seemed to melt in a swirl of black before being replaced with the familiar decor of your hotel room. He gave you a light nudge and you fell back onto the bed.

After recuperating and settling, you watched him from your spot on the bed as he draped off his coat and slacks before joining you in the sheets. His body language was tense and unsure, but to your own pleasure the stiffness in his shoulders lightened just a bit when your hands tenderly rubbed against his skin.

The bed that was only hours before too big and too cold was now inviting with the warmth of Alastor’s body against your own, his scent filling your nose with every inhale as his hair brushed against your cheek. Every movement was a shaky blur as you were still filled with a sense of disbelief and maybe a little bit of adrenaline from the unexpected switch-up from him. The mattress dipped and creaked as he tried to make himself comfortable, which took an awkward few seconds, but after finally settling in you found yourself laid against his chest, fingers trailing down his skin.

Alastor’s own clawed fingers trailed through your hair and he hummed the quietest tune, lulling you further into an exhaustion that you didn’t realize had been creeping up on you. You fell asleep to a comfort that you hoped you wouldn’t have to spend another day in eternity without.

[osarina]

I CAME SCREAMING AND RUNNING WHEN I HEARD YANDERE DAZAI OMLL HOW DO YOU PERSONALLY SEE YAN!DAZAI??? cause theres so many ways to characterize him if he becomes Yandere especially if you compare and contrast his PM and ADA self

... here we go. yanzai my beloved - i dont think u guys understand how insane i am over him. anyway, i'm not making this one as long as i planned to because (surprise) i've planned out a two-part fic for this that i want to write when i'm done with civilian!dazai, and i dont want to spoil it. hehe.

but. in general, i think even non-yanzai would be veryyyyy possessive over his lover. yanzai is on an entirely different level though - and even WITHIN yanzai, i think pm yanzai and ada yanzai are entirely different monsters and i mean that so literally. but first, in general, possessive, very manipulative. yanzai has likely found his reason to live in his lover and he's NAWT about to let that go.

yanzai in general would tend to lead toward manipulation through guilt and isolation, i think. i don’t think any version of yanzai would ever get violent with his partner and i stay heavy on that belief. he’s got more of a tendency to treat you like you’re something fragile that could break at any given moment.

also i'm going to split pmzai into two - canon pmzai (ages 15-18) and then pmzai in an au where he never left the pm. so the order i'm gonna talk about is canon pmzai, canon adazai (as a direct follow up to canon pmzai), and then im gonna talk about pmzai au where he never left the pm.

for the purposes of this, assume that reader joined the pm when they were young

canon pmzai

so first i want to talk about how it probably starts, because i could sooooo very much see this starting while he & his lover are young. since this is canon, i imagine they meet at around 15/16 like i have dazai & pmreader meeting. dazai's clearly a lot more unstable during his early pm years and i think his obsession with his lover could start with something really minimal tbh. maybe they shoot an offhand compliment to him, or stop to pick something up that he dropped, and dazai is just so alone & isolated by mori atp that he just completely fixates on this person because they’re the first one to ever say/do something kind for him, as small as it may have been.

i think it would even start out harmless, spends a lot of time thinking about you, daydreaming. maybe he even steps in on missions for you - which he notably doesn't do for anyone because he doesn't want to do more work than he has to. but something would happen that eventually triggers the shift from harmless to a veryyyy dangerous obsession. maybe you got critically wounded on a mission, or maybe you start spending time with other people—whatever it is, it just flips a switch in him because he realizes that he is not about to loose you and he doesn't care what he has to do to make sure of it.

on this topic ^^ maybe this is a hot take, but i think canon pm yanzai would be entirely more dependent on his lover compared to adazai. adazai is still dependent, but not to the extent pmzai is. i know people hc him as hyper independent, which i also mostly hc for him, but i think if he's found someone that he's attached himself to like this, he’s young enough that he'll quickly become codependent on them, and that obviously scares him which makes him even more intense with his yan tendencies.

that being said, i still think that he would be careful to not alert you to any shift of his mentality. he'd be very hyperaware of keeping a good image in your eyes, so everything he does do is going to be behind the scenes. he'd probably work a lot with isolation and trying to make you as dependent on him as he is on you—justifies it by telling himself that it's not fair that he can't live without you but you can live without him LOL, won't be satisfied until he's inclined enough to believe that if he was gone you would be ruined without him (which comes into play when he leaves the mafia). he also makes sure that the missions you go on - if he even has you going on any - are all easy AND he makes sure he's overseeing them. probably phrases it as just a shift in command, assuming you were someone else's subordinate first, and you don't really have any reason to think anything of it.

i think he'd keep a really tight hold on his image up until the events of dark era, that whole ... week ? i assume its about a week, of everything going down with ango and oda just tosses him into a mental spiral and he'd probably let the mask slip a few times in front of you. i still don’t think it’s enough for you to really question anything—not until he leaves, that is.

now moving on to adazai - but first, the underground years:

we're gonna assume that you stay with the pm when he leaves. i think he'd spend a lot of his underground years honestly just keeping an eye on you from a distance. i think he'd be like very back and forth with how he feels, like a part of him is soooo satisfied that you're so broken about him leaving but then the other part of him has him wanting rip out his own throat for being the reason for your distress. he'd be rlly hyperaware of you "moving on" from him. his go to would be driving people away from you, like it was while he was with the pm but it's a lot harder now that he has to be a "ghost" so to speak, so i think he would target you yourself more often. and it would be little things, like whenever he sees you start talking to someone new, he'd leave little things around your apartment to remind you of him. maybe pictures you'd taken together, or small trinkets, anything to make you remember him and trigger you back into that spiral of missing him. BUT that being said, i think he would be very careful to ensure that you don't realize it's him leaving these things around, so he'd go through your apartment and look for stuff and would lay it out carefully to make you think that you just happened to leave it out.

i think over the course of his underground years, you start to realize that whatever you had with dazai was not healthy and how he acted with you was not healthy, and dazai does take note of this in his 💀 long hours observing you, which is why he’s so careful to keep up his new mask with you when he inevitably meets you again (read below).

OK now adazai

adazai is interesting. i went back and forth with this a lot, but i think adazai would really utilize his new job & demeanor as a tool to make you come back to him/fall for him again, especially if you’d started to put things together during the years he was gone. he frames his leaving it as how it was just something he had to do, look how much better he is now, he’s healed & hes good now, and he didn’t know what else to do because he knew his mental state wasn’t healthy back in the mafia. <- i think this would be important specifically because you would take note of how he acknowledges how incredibly possessive and weird he was with you, and in your mind, someone who acts like that probably wouldn’t see anything wrong with it, so the fact that he acknowledges it would be a green flag in your mind because maybe he has grown.

he also would probably hit you with a few guilt trips like he didn’t even know he meant enough to you to make you care about whether or not he was there. he’d be veryyyyyy sweet and honeyed with his apologies and pleas for forgiveness, and he’d be patient too. if you weren’t open to listening to him the first time you run into him, he’d orchestrate several other “run ins” over the next few weeks, whittle down your guard until he can finally claw his way back into your skin.

once that whole first stage of “winning you back” is over, dazai would quickly return to old habits although, however careful he was while in the pm to keep a good image in your eyes, he’s 100000x more careful now. because now it’s beyond just not letting you see the “demon prodigy”, he’s been advertising himself to you as a good, changed man and he has every intention of maintaining that image in your eyes. so yeah, he might be using access to cctv cameras to stalk your every move and yes, he’s slowly but surely driving everyone away from you, but in your eyes, he’s a detective who spends the saving people and that should never waver in anyway.

i think one notable difference is that adazai’s first big goal is going to be to drag you from the mafia, so while he is isolating you from people in the pm, i think he wouldn’t be so quick to isolate you from the members of the agency. in fact he would even encourage it to an extent - as long as they know their place 💀 - until he gets you to leave the pm, that is, then he might start to isolate you altogether again.

adazai likes to fashion himself as a bit of a savior to you i think. he saw how you spiraled without him, and came back to you, promising to never leave you again, apologizing for ever having have. gets in your head by making comments about how he didn’t even know you rlly cared about him like that.

^^ he’ll drag u from the dark shadow of the port mafia and tuck you right into his own shadow instead. and yeah, it might be just as dark, but at least he’ll be there to to make sure some light is peeking through cell bars of his “love”.

nowwww pmzai who never left the mafia.

i think i’ll keep this one short because imo i feel like this would just be canon pmzai without bothering to keep the whole front up in front of you. he doesn’t really care to hide his obsession over you - what are you going to do about it? run? he’s not going to let you do that, and he knows you don’t want to do that anyway. this pmzai is even more unstable than canon pmzai - i imagine he still lost oda, but then failed to even fulfill his last request by leaving the mafia and going to the light, so instead he focuses all of his energy onto the one person he has left: you.

forget missions. you’ll be lucky if he ever lets you leave the pm hq again. people die for looking at you the wrong way - whether it be pity, concern, or “envy” (because dazai is paranoid and thinks everyone is trying to stealing what’s his). sometimes you make comments about it to him, wanting to go on missions & talk to people again, and it triggers breakdowns in dazai that you can never tell if they’re real or fake - panic attacks over losing you like odasaku, begging you not to leave him too, etc. you don’t know if these are real, but he’s got you so tight around his finger already that the off chance that these aren’t manufactured to guilt you into dropping the subject is enough to make you give in.

[doyouevenshipbr0]

borderline illiterate gruvia think piece.

happy gruvia day i guess!

so like…… im a grown woman. so believe me when i say at this point i rly couldnt care to be genuinely bothered by antis. like i will literally just block them lmao. ok yes i did write a whole fic revolving around a comment by an anti KFHDKSJWJEDK but i rly wasnt mad i was just genuinely inspired by what they said.

ANYWAYS! nonsensical 294820381002 word rant incoming from the “unbothered” grown woman.

seeing people say how gray is out of character in 100 yq/has stockholm syndrome are literally missing the entireeeee point of his and juvia’s relationship and its crazy!!

*side note, i think for the sake of helping gray’s character and development, they sacrificed a lot of cool things about juvia and a lot of her individuality which i do not like. but thats a rant for another time. btw do notttt even come for me bc she is literally still by far my fav character lmao*

im probably gonna go on for too long about this but gray’s whole fucking character throughout the whole story from beginning to end is centered around the fact that hes cold and closed off and grumpy and “too cool” and listen im not saying this is fucking rocket science or any type of transcendent literature by any means but i HAVE to point out that hes a fucking ice wizard. like. duh. im sure his character/personality was meant to go along with abilities i mean look at literally EVERYONE else in fairy tail.

ANYWAYS the reason he is this way is because he’s so used to losing all of the people he loves and even worse, hes used to so many people sacrificing themselves for him.

and it traumatizes him!! so many people hes been close to have died and he ultimately always thinks its his fault! lord knows im rusty with ft knowledge but his parents died (cant remember if it was in any type of sacrificial way teehee), Ur sacrifices herself for gray, ultear sacrifices herself for gray, and his dad dies AGAIN (once again, not sure if this was in a sacrificial manner lmao. i kindaaa think it was? maybe? shrug.). but POINT IS! theres a common theme of loved ones dying and/or sacrificing themselves for him. there might even be more people lmao idfk.

so what happens when he meets a girl who has an overwhelming and unwavering and infinite love for him?! he is freaked the fuck out!!! for a couple reasons! 1. he is so used to losing the people that love him and 2. he doesn’t even think hes deserving of any love to this degree!

then what happens? he PUSHES HER AWAY! KEEPS HER AT A DISTANCE!!!! because THATS ALL HE KNOWS!!!!!!!!! yes he has his friends who love him but no one has ever loved him in the way and abundance that JUVIA DOES! so he has to react appropriately! lots of love = lots of keeping her at an arms length!

so when he thinks he loses juvia in their fight with invel, and she comes back, dont we think it would make sense that he finally realizes he should accept his feelings for her? i mean remember when he said he promised her an answer AFTER the war? once again, like gray, pushing things off. and then he almost LOSES HER without ever telling her how he feels! so gray realizes life is short! theres no use in trying to deny ur feelings! these are common themes in like 85% of my gruvia drabbles lmao.

im not even saying that it was love at first sight for him and that gray liked her from the jump. bc i dont think thats true. i think we can finally see outward romantic feelings for juvia right after the tartaros arc, when juvia visits gray at his parents’ grave. but before that, i think juvia was a friend (wellll i feel like after the tenrou island arc he liked her more than a friend, but he didnt really realize how much more) who he cared about, and truly didnt know what to make of her because like i said, hes never known a person to love him so much and actually not die LMAO.

but my point is, juvia is the perfect person to be gray’s romantic partner. she is a person so full of love and so happy to love and she doesnt care who knows it. she is unequivocally herself and she wears her heart on her sleeve to the upmost extent.

it literally only makes sense for his character to end up with her!

u could argue gray doesnt need to end up with anyone at all bc he has his friendsssss and likeeee. sureee. fine. but what fun is that? i personally want to see the scared-of-love grump to find his person. i think, again, thats kind of the point of gray’s character- learning u are worthy of love, accepting love, and learning to love openly.

im sorry but literally what better happy ending for him than to be with juvia?

so fast forward to 100 yq, where he is just sooooo out of character apparently. dont we think that may actually be…. character development?

the boy who probably couldn’t even fathom a romantic relationship is now finally accepting he’s in love. he’s done pushing it off, he’s done denying, he’s done depriving himself of feeling love. thats a step in the right direction! now what? in true gray fashion, he thinks hes still not good enough! and that’s where we are now. he’s not confident, he thinks he’s weak, and he thinks he cant protect her. why? he knows she loves him. he knows he’s objectively a strong wizard. so why does he feel inadequate? CIRCLE BACK!!! TO WHO GRAY IS AS A PERSON!!!! SINCE DAY ONE!!! constantly in fear of losing his loved ones! thinking he can’t protect them! SCARED TO LOVE!

like im sorry the proof is soooo in the pudding and i totally understand if gruvia isn’t ur cup of tea but to say things arent making sense is silly to me! they actually make perfect sense!

and yknow what. im gonna go from a romantic standpoint to a realist standpoint. years ago, mashima said he likes gray and juvias dynamic and didnt have anything serious in mind for them anytime soon. so he kept that going for literally the entire series. well. he ended fairy tail alluding to the fact that gray and juvia were kinda together at that point. or he at least ended it with the pretty obvious conclusion that gray does in fact have feelings for juvia. so then when ft 100 yq starts what was he supposed to do? act like all of their development in the last arc never happened? that would be kinda hard to do!

whatever i just hope at least like 3 of these sentences were coherent lmao u guys get my point

[leavingsunsets]

hello!

I would like to request hcs (if that's fine with you, because I saw you're more on the fics side :3) for Kinro (bro deserves more love), Sai and Ryusui with a very emotional and empathetic reader, who tries to mask it by acting all cool and unbothered, but it doesn't always work well. I prefer it to be on the more romantic side, but I don't mind the platonic one! It can be either female or gender neutral reader. I will rely on your intuition and creativity.

I hope I explained everything quite sensibly and understandably. ._.

Have a wonderful day!

Ohh my gosh hello hello! I don't mind hcs as well, since i lovw these characters so much like mwah mwah mwah (AHEM AHEM magic man COUGHCOUCGHFOUCGH) but anyways im doing gn reader so lots more ppl can enjoy tehee. here it is !!

"𝙋𝙤𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙮 𝙝𝙞𝙙𝙙𝙚𝙣."

[gn!reader]

𝙆𝙞𝙣𝙧𝙤

Tbh i feel like Kinro is KINDAAA similar in the same sense?? like, all cool n stuff but hes actlly a real sweetie sometimes mwah mwah mwah. also ur right he deserves more love hes literally just a loveable guy

At first i think hed be surprised, like, all, "woah, uh, you good"

but then, i think among the three, isnt that fazed. hes around ginro almost 24/7 cmon.

but once he gets used to you he just stares when you get all cool and so indifferent then he goes "its okay to be sad about it" then you just start beating his chest bawling and he pats your back

platonically, thats what hed do. Like, hed just silently offer support while you tell him your troubles or thoughts. like nod along or put a hand on your shoulder in silent encouragement or just seem so cool while spouting out some wise words. (he puts a hand on your shoulder and you look at him, the wind blows his hair slightly, the light capturing him in a perfect angle. "i understand that feeling. i felt hurt when ginro laughed at the rip in my pants too" he whispers so coolly and you bust out laughing)

romantically, hed be more initiative in this type of stuff i think. like, if he saw you going away on your own hed follow after to talk. or be more nervous cuz this time hes ACTIVELY trying to cheer you up, like tryna be comforting even if his words come out awkward or something like that. "uhmm, thats bad.. uh.. do you wanna. do you wanna hug?"

either way, 10/10 this man will never disappoint, he doesnt, and he didnt. he is underrated and we should talk about him more def

𝙍𝙮𝙪𝙨𝙪𝙞 𝙉𝙖𝙣𝙖𝙢𝙞

Ohoooo. this maaan is likeeee. i dunno man i feel like he literally has the same reaction to every single type of person.

encouraging, supportive, and just a big big ball of sun

hed just pin you down as an interesting person and spout some compliments

even when you first meet and he sees how you work hes like "👍!!"

So lets say close friends now. he sees you go 'its okay. I dont care' and he sees you be all 'im going to dramatically sit on a rock and have a glistening tear down my face lit by the sun' and he'll like, smack your back 4 times going 'ITS OKAY MY FRIEND ITS OKAY'

Platonic?? just like that. how he treats everyone which is of course very special. goes 'hey, its alright. like really. im here to be a bud and give u some encouragement' and be all like 'DW MY FRIEND' and just even gives u nice talks

ROMANTICALLY?? kind of the same, but but but but. he litrlly goes and does smthng to cheer u up. like litrlly does the same as platonically, but later even when ur all cheered up, brings u to a nice place like a nice view. Doesnt SAY anything cheesy but ltrlly aheaeha RAWR ryusui nanami i cant believe you just took me to a nice dinner date

𝙎𝙖𝙞 𝙉𝙖𝙣𝙖𝙢𝙞

okay hmmm. idk depends on the intensity of it he MIGHT be averse?? Not entirely but as long as youre not bawling and sniffling i think ur good 👍

ok so u first meet right? and then he meets u 'oh cool person ok. rlly chill' then after awhile he sees you start sniffling over someones sob story and hes all like 'aweee'

NOT IN A 'thats cute' WAY LIKE. HES JUS LIKE THINKING 'OH THIS PERSON RLLY CARES ALOT THATS SWEET A LITTLE'

maybe that might be a bonding factor. Like, the fact that ur empathetic and soooo YKNOW, YOU

so like when u werent close he was all like 'ohh. ahhh wow. i see.' now hes all like 'haha theres my little gober gomble with the gummy goo' but he will never say that ofc grrr

PLATONICALLY. hes as goober as can be. literally being all friends friends with you and loving your company. like, actively approaches you and goes 'hey!!!! :3!!'. literally a sweetie yall talk about stuff and the whole time hes like :3 and all supportive and encouraging throughout whatever ur feeling, blue or yello, red or green.

fixes my bowtie. Now. ROMANTICALLY?? so this is only it does blossom after the platonic stage. he does the same things, except all 'hmgngmg omg.. its them...' inside now. More active tending to you in your moments, happy or blue. like cheering if ur cheering, fretting over u if youre sad over smthng, stuff like that. or angry, like going 'PLS PLS PLS PLS' holding you back from hitting someone on the head. literally just the same in platonic but hes so so so sooo in love with you and loves you, for being you, more than anything

_____________

WHEW and thats. yeah. thats it. Again i am so sorry for the disproportionate pics n headers EVERYTIME i literally crop them on my own sometimes n i dont know where else to get them. but yah i hope u enjoyed and sorry it took soo long :333 !! Hcs are easier for me 2 do than fics because they take less time and like, hmm, its not that hard since theres no plot planning or proofreading or anything like that. but yes WOOO ENJOY I HOPE YALL KEEP ENJOYIG THE RARE FICS IS PUT OUT IM SO SORRY FOR THAT TOO 😭😭

[onismdaydream]

HIIII!!!!! it's me again, the most obsessed and horniest yuji lover!♡🎀

Didn't have anything to do today so I have been on tumbler looking for any yuji content I can get my hands on :p! And I am just OBSESSED with headcanons, specifically yuji as your boyfriend! AHH!!!

Like, how would he first tell you he likes you? How long would it take? Ugh, now me personally, I can only imagine having a movie night alone, megumi and nobara canceled ofc because they don't want to watch whatever bs movie yuji picks :(. And then so there you are, Both cuddled up on the couch, a little to close together, and he is just.. so flustered! But why? It's not like he likes you or anything! Well, turns out he does and he JUST realized. So when the two protagonists in the romantic comedy yall are watching suddenly confess, he can't hold it back! It just blurts out of his mouth..which would be a bad thing, until you reveal you like him back!♡

Idk, I just find it soo cute, and honestly totally something he would do. 🤷‍♀️. But then like, first date? Would he take you to eat, the movies, or maybe to the mall?

Now this one, I'm not too sure, to many options and I love them all, but he would DEFINITELY make it romantic and cute ><!

Okay, but now like one of the MILLION dollar questions is.... how would he act on your period!

I'm sorry, but every single small headcanon, or fic of how ANYBODY would treat you while ur on your period is straight up Crack to me. I NEED IT. I love the wholesome headcanons. 😔🎀!

I think.. he would notice that your acting different, he cares about you after all so he notices every little thing. So when he sees you look uncomfy or maybe rubbing you hand on your thigh, trying to relieve some pain.. he asks you what's wrong! And when you tell him, I feel like he would IMMEDIATELY do whatever you want to make you feel better. LITERALLY.

"Oh. Really? Is there anything I can do?"

Chocolate? In ur hands the second you ask. Meds for the pain, he's got them? Blanket? YES! cuddles? Okay, is that even a question? OBVI!!!

Second million dollar question is how/what he would do yalls first time. Last headcanon i said was crack, but this one is like all drugs COMBINED. I like to think it would be a makeout session gone to far..

That movie you played has a sex scene, which, really doesn't bother you or him.. or it usually doesn't. Today though, a small thought forms in his brain. How would you look? Sound? Smell? Taste? Feel..? And then it's akward, because you're so close, and his hand just starts massaging your thigh, and he has to kiss you! Which at this point in the relationship isn't like super surprising, I'm sure yuji loves to kiss you. But this one feels different, yujis face is just soo pink, and he almost can't keep his hands off of you! Cupping one cheek while pushing you down on the couch with the other, so he's on top.. then one of his knees pushes your thighs apart.. 🧎‍♀️

You know the rest.

But I also like to think maybe yall are making out, you on top of his lap, but you can't stop squirming! And it really isn't on purpose, you swear.. but yuji can only take so much, And eventually he can't hide his moans anymore!

Yeah idk I feel like humping n shit, maybe cummin in his pants is SO hot. UGH

I don't think it would really be planned..😋🎀

Also, I feel like he would be super flustered and kinda embarrassed with oral. In the sense that, he could spend hours between your thighs (we all know he's a munch), but the first time you ask to suck him off, he probably turns into a whiny mess.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THIS. Like- I'm sorry, but no matter how dominant or kinky people make yuji, which I won't lie I love, you CANNOT tell me this man doesn't whine or moan your name. You simply can't. LOOK AT HIM.!!! 🧎‍♀️🙏

I just, have so many thoughts and headcanons.. l can't control myself yuji headcanons are literally my drug. I love the subby ones, the Dom ones, fluff ones, smut ones... I DONT CARE. If a yuji headcanon exists, I WILL read it.

Omg, I have so much more but I have already made this soo long. I honestly just wanted to ask if you would ever make your own yuji head canons? Maybe you already have and I can't find it.. BUT LET ME KNOW!

I just HAVE to know what headcanons are floating around in that wonderful brain of yours!♡

Also so glad to see you liked my past rant♡♡!!!

I really hope you have a good day/night!!!! Make sure ur taking care of urself babes bc I can't survive without you><! 🎀

(Also sorry for any typos or whatever, this was 100% rushed because my fingers physically cannot keep up with all the thoughts I have of yuji.)

With a heart full of love, and a brain full of yuji,

-your horniest yuji lover!♡🎀

hi lovely <333

gonna put this under a read more so it doesn't take up too much space!

oooh headcanons are fun!! i don't post a ton, not for any particular reason, i just seem to gravitate towards snippets in established relationships.

omg yuji just blurting it out :(( what a sweetheart! he is mortified but i feel like he would try his best to play it cool, though his face feels like it's on fire from how flushed it is!! but then you tell him that you also like him and he visibly relaxes SO much and has the biggest smile on his face and he immediately wants to hug you and hold you close <3

i think for first dates, he would lean towards movies/mall, this way it's still semi-public. it's not that he doesn't want to spend time with you alone (he wants to soooo badly), but i think he thinks he has to take it slow and be sweet and gentlemanly. like he was definitely taught the "proper way" to court a girl by his grandfather, so he holds doors open for you and pulls out your chair and brings you flowers and stuff and its just so sweet of him idk. he might hesitate a bit for pda stuff, but once you give him the okay, he is constantly holding your hand or wrapping an arm around you!! maybe even asking for a kiss!! (side note: i think yuji gets all pouty when you forget to give him a goodbye kiss later in the relationship)

yes!! yuji would ABSOLUTELY be doing anything and everything for you as soon as he notices any symptoms or side effects. he's also the type to track your period on his phone lol just so he can prepare and give you some chocolate or whatever else might help! he is just like. the nicest and most caring boyfriend ever <3333

OOOH i love love love both of those for first time ughhh!! i have a fic i've been meaning to work on more but i'm just a little too fried to write much of anything, anyway its a dry humping fic with yuji because i just know he loves the feeling of it ! he can't even get embarrassed from cumming in his pants because it feels so good and he likes how dirty it is (he's a bit of a perv :3). BUT i also love the idea that he just can't help himself and he's so wrapped up in the moment that he doesn't even notice that his knee is pressing against your core... like he's licking into your mouth and grinding against you and you have to pull away because holy shit this feels great and you want more!! and it's kinda rushed and messy, barely taking clothes off but you both need each other so bad!!! (he makes up for it by taking his time with you for round 2 lol)

oh what i would GIVE to suck his dick... yuji is 100% super vocal in my opinion, like he cannot be quiet, which is why his mouth is always on you when he's fucking you! he's always kissing or biting or talking, so when you're sucking him off, he is left to just talk and make so much noise. whining and praising you because it feels so good to have your mouth wrapped around him <3 like imagine sitting between his strong thighs, looking up at him, and his eyes are half lidded, mouth open as he breaths heavily, tongue darting out to lick at his lips, muscles flexing as he tries not to force your head further down or buck his hips up.... ugh he's so hot...

i'd love to write more headcanons and other things for yuji!! its just a matter of me getting inspired or having the energy right now. work has been super draining for me so its been a little difficult to get my brain working lol but im hoping it'll pass in a few weeks

thank you for sharing these with me!!! i love hearing other people's thoughts and headcanons like its just so fun to see what's similar and whatnot :3

[emgene]

maybe an enhypen reaction to their s/o being a clumsy person?

i’m such a clumsy person so…😂

alsooo i’ve followed you for a really long time, probably a little bit after i started my account and i just love your fics! my favorite i think is the enhypen reaction to them wanting their s/o to wear their clothes but they’re oblivious. ahhh i just thought it was soooo cute and i also want to make a reaction like that. it’s adorable!! i’m also very oblivious to those sort of things hahaha 🤪 so anyways i just want you to know that your a fantastical writer and you’re amazing!! 💕💕 i hope you have an awesome day/night because you only deserve the best ^^

HIHI sorry for this being so extremely late!! school was a wreck and then familial problems ensued, but whatever! thank you so much for your love and support, it means so much to me!! Love you!! <3

Enhypen With a Clumsy S/O

warnings: not edited, jay is dramatic, riki mentions you possibly falling into a pond... i dont think i swore?

Jungwon is constantly worried about you. He's always watching your every move. You keep him on his toes, he swears someday you're going to end up in the hospital 'cause you tripped over your own damn feet. He says that half of his paycheck is spent on bandages for you.

Heeseung finds it hilarious. He makes fun of you, too. You'll trip and for the next hour you'll hear him going "WHOOP-" and pretend to fall. You'll leave for work and he'll say, "Don't let the door hit you on the way out! Literally!"

You, sweetheart, are the reason that Jay will start greying early. You give him so much stress, he swears he'll go into cardiac arrest. He threatens to put you in a bubble, or wrap you in bubble wrap. It looks like he has children because everything is baby-proofed. Jay carries around a first-aid kit specifically for you.

Honestly Jake doesn't really realize how clumsy you are until he sees on the bruises on your legs. He questions you about it and you end up listing what each bruise is from. The table, the stairs, the wall... Only then does he notice just how frequently you tend to get hurt. He jokes around about having to get one of those leash backpacks for you.

Sunghoon is more... bewildered and amused than worried? You'll smack your head on an open cabinet door and he'll just sigh and chuckle before going to check on you. He likes to say that if it weren't for him and his "incredible" nursing skills, you would've irreparably injured yourself already.

Sunoo says you are the entertainment in his life. He almost makes you getting hurt into a game. "How many times will Y/N get hurt today?". He does this thing where, if he has to put a bandage on you, he'll let you put one on him in solidarity. Is it a waste of bandages? Yes. Does he care? Not really.

Ni-Ki... he causes many of your injuries. He doesn't mean to! He just forgets that you don't usually catch yourself when he "bumps" into you. He teases you a lot, just like Heeseung, if not more. You'll go to the park or something and he points out everything you could hurt yourself on. "Hey you could fall into that bush! or slip on the gravel! or get hit in the head by a soccer ball! Or-" "Riki..." "maybe someone will push you into the pond!" "RIKI!"

[ozfi]

i've been having So many rider conversations lately. one of which is the fact that kamen rider doesn't really have rivals. because the main rider is supposed to care about the world more than some random asshole. and this truly only deviates in atypical settings like if they were rivals before ridering even happened. (kaito and kouta).

and i am rewatching kuuga, obviously, and a large motivation in that is about how godai doesnt want people (general) to cry, and he wants to protect people's smiles. hero prioritizes world over individual. but in decade yusuke initially prioritizes yashiro over others, and it takes.. manpain, essentially, to get him to see the bigger picture.

so we have heroes that arent like the ideal already. we have. tendou. tsukasa. my yardstick. and it brings into question the image of a hero.

does it actually matter that a hero chooses an individual over the world if the result is the same.

(kind of an extension of both my prior blade analyses. but this one has SCREENSHOTS. first second)

so we discuss the role of a hero. in kuuga ep8, mika wonders if people just dont care what happens to an individual when a tragedy occurs. what value does an individual have when many others were also sacrificed? mika comes to understand this by realizing she, too, is that individual, and yes, she matters too. kenzaki says to sacrifice yourself unthinkingly for someone is a really nice thought. 誰か, Someone. this sentiment is the role of a hero, after all... and that is the point of all of this.

heinous line btw. the writers were sick for this. but at the time it's set up as innocuous. it's a followup to talking about amanes father only thinking about his family in his dying moments, but this bit of dialogue feels more general and wistful. because kenzaki apparently doesnt have anyone he feels like that about... Yet. so it can be taken as regarding people in general. and its obviously not like he doesnt kind of do this every time he fights. being a rider is dangerous. there are many undead who could kill him. he's talking to one who could. not that kenzaki minds though lol. and it leads into when shima asks why he fights, what his purpose is. and he comes up with this:

which is true! this is quite literally what kenzaki is fighting for as blade. the people around him, and everyone else. but "the people around me" is. extremely literal. そこにいるの人. and then 人を愛してる is also kind of a crazy ass line! it is intense but widely general. "i love people." you (i? we.) can understandably interpret the first half to be talking about his Literal Friends, but there isnt even 大切な or anything indicating strong personal feelings. he doesnt even SAY friends. this is why these lines stick out to me.

despite being pretty friendly and kind he is somehow starkly impersonal! kenzaki truly loves the world and the people in it, but individuals are part of that whole of "people". kenzakis social circle is made up of coworkers and people his coworkers know, with kotaro being the only one to willingly barge in and become kenzakis friend (which is named as an anomaly - which must mean the distance is recurring), and then hajime appearing as an enemy and slowly becoming something more- which is an anomaly, which means the distance is recurring!

an exerpt of a fic an old friend gifted to me, which i think about constantly, and also exemplifies this well: its more because youre a person than because you're you.

i just .love when characters are like this. their actions are heroic and kind but their reasoning seems less so. that being more personal feels more "right", but it doesnt have to be. as long as the result is the same, what does the reasoning matter? and obviously most heroes dont know everyone they're protecting. every single individual saved is a single person, but they still make up the whole of "people". kenzaki's particular oddness comes from the fact that it still, somehow, extends to other relationships, even people who are ostensibly his friends. this is why choosing to save the world and hajime sets hajime as that main priority, as he is the danger in question, and thus not part of the whole.

and nobody knows. nobody outside of kenzakis very small pool of acquaintances will ever know either that he is responsible for the darkroach infestation, nor the reason that he was. moreover, most people will not even know blade himself was the one that saved the world, and only a fraction of anyone will know the board riders were even fighting the undead until one day they werent. (kotaro wouldnt out his friend in the book, cmon. that would be low.)

so to answer the question - well. obviously the answer is no, but it's also yes. no: because if the world is saved anyway, nobody will be able to tell the difference. yes: because if the result comes to pass, they will be misinterpreted as someone they aren't. as a person this isnt ideal. "blade gave up everything for humanity" simply isn't true. but a hero is first and foremost an idea, so maybe they're okay with that, in abstract. the ones who know them will know them. and kenzaki will always be left in pictures, and memories.

[eowynstwin]

same anon who sent the ask abt price: MW3's writing was embarrassing tbh. i agree 100% that narratively, its the most logical and sensible for price to be the one who takes the fall. what you wrote i flat out completely agree with, and its deeply disappointing that we are stuck with an extremely poorly written and rushed story. the game was a hot steamy pile. everyone was slightly out of character, they all growled their lines like mad dogs, and the missions were ass. i cant believe no one talks about the mission where you get anti arab hate crimed. what was that??? what was the reason??? (the only thing i liked about that game were the 9 minutes of nikolai. i just find him entertaining.) i was replaying mw2019 while super high and got to the mission where you threaten the butchers wife and son and just thought to myself; that lady and that kid are gonna have nightmares about price for the rest of their lives. that room is going to come back to them again and again and again. they literally did nothing wrong except the crime of being the butchers family. what price and gaz did is never going to leave them, and gaz was right to question price on that. of course, the game doesn't care at all. they're disposable NPCS for a shock value scene. i dunno, the fact that the game doesn't really give a fuck, and seemingly even condones what happened, just kinda hit different and i had to put the game down for the evening. i guess that hit at that moment bc i had also read a fic a bit earlier where the reader was price's civvy gf and gets kidnapped by his enemies. it bent my brain a bit bc, the thing in the fic is literally a canon event perpetuated by price, portrayed as a good thing by the source material, that now price is the victim of. it was a very weird feeling for my weed addled brain to try and process. think i blue screened actually. i wanna put price in a jar and shake him vigorously. pin him to a board like a entomology insect. i want to bite him. i do love him i swear. but maybe make him actually face a single real consequence for his war crimes? (disappointing that it will never happen on screen bc these games are all gas no breaks outright propaganda. not to mention real war crimes are happening constantly in front of everyone's eyes and going completely unpunished) sorry this is really long, i have no one to talk to abt these games and i dont understand my feelings toward that British man

Yeah. The thing about Price is that he's not a good person in the slightest. We write fiction about the kind of man he can be--the best version of himself, a version we can all stomach--but the real Price is distinct from that, and the best people in this fandom recognize that.

Soap and Ghost have some plausible deniability simply because we haven't seen them doing anything other than action movie stuff. Gaz is on the road to becoming Price--Price is doing his damndest to turn Gaz into himself--but he isn't there yet. (@391780 did a GREAT analysis of the driving scene in mw19 and how Price subtly manipulates Gaz, but I can't find it.)

EDIT: Early kindly provided.

We, as the audience, are not actually supposed to worry that much about the Butcher's family, because Price is one of the Good Guys who would never let something Bad actually happen. Infinity Ward does not take the Butcher's family seriously, and does not want us to take the family seriously, because they are just a convenient vehicle with which to move the plot along. Their presence is, in the end, shock value. We are meant to stare, wide-eyed, wondering is Price really going to go that far? while in the back of our minds knowing of course he's not, because he's our hero. He's just doing whatever it takes. The family is not meant to be anything other than fodder for Price's characterization.

Same with Samara. We are not supposed to care all that much about her, personally--we're supposed to marvel over Makarov's canny brutality, his bRiLLiANcE in recognizing the obvious fact that an Arab woman would make a perfect scapegoat for a plane bombing. Samara does not matter to MW3. Only the shocking way she dies. None of these Arab characters matter to Call of Duty--only the entertainment value of their pain.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but I am reminded of when Price threw a man restrained into a bomb jacket off a balcony, with not a shred of remorse afterword. I'm forced to ask the question--who would Price scapegoat, then, if he felt justified enough?

And yeah, he's never going to suffer the consequences of his actions, because Infinity Ward doesn't think he's actually done anything wrong. We throw the word propaganda around a lot without actually defining it, but Price is emblematic of how the propaganda of Call of Duty works. Price does something reprehensible, and is shown to be justified in doing it--implying that real men like him are justified, too, because don't you understand how little choice Price had? Don't you get that there's no good choice to be made? This is how he has to act, and this is how all soldiers have to act, because war is a dirty business, and someone needs to be willing to do it for the benefit of the ignorant public.

The question of why any of this should be happening at all is never asked.

[fayedartmouth]

Can I just say that im super excited that you are writing fics that focuses on mental trauma? I mean please dont get me wrong all of your fics have characters depth but it’s mostly filled with physical hurt/comfort and i still love them all, they changed my brain chemistry forever.

But I really got excited when you shared your thoughts on the best of the bad deal book 3 and your long fix it and when i saw there’s more focus on the characters mental aspects/trauma i lost it lmao

I already saw how you handle that aspect in the last chapter of surrender and it was perfect and I really can’t wait for more :)

I am incapable of being brief, so I'll put this under a cut to be nice to people who don't like to hear me ramble.

I love physical whump in ways I can't explain but there's something special about the emotional stuff. Especially with JJ. I honestly think that's the worst part of the way the show killed him off. The show took him to such dark places in S4 and let him get as low as he could get -- literally suicidal -- and then we're supposed to feel like he had a magic moment where he saved Sarah and he was suddenly okay again. Which -- no, no way. JJ rallied because his friends needed him and JJ has always been willing to be what his friends needed when they needed him. It's the only way he understands his own worth -- by what he gives others.

The show lets him die with that mentality, that his worth is only determined by his utility, and it never let him deal with his abandonment issues or any of the other traumas he'd dealt with. I sincerely believe his downfall in S4 was set up for his redemption -- so to have him die at the end was just devastating.

In the fix-it I have planned, JJ dealing with his trauma is a core element of it because I don't think, after all he's been through/done, that there's some quick fix. It's going to be a long slog because it has to be. It's messy and complicated with a lot of ups and down.

(In the first fic, he does hit rock bottom and becomes essentially the worst version of himself. In the second fic, he has to confront his demons and finally overcome them -- and it is a process. There will be a very depressed and withdrawn JJ who becomes increasingly more depressed the more he tries to act like everything is fine. He's a total mess, and blames himself for everything, the events of S4 only making him feel less worthy of his friends than ever. He goes to some dark places before he comes out on the other side. But again, the ending is happy and hopeful and sets up, lol, a third fic. There's also a long journey for Kie and her mental health, which is also a complete mess.)

I wrote Best of a Bad Deal before S4 came out, but the idea is a lot the same. JJ has PTSD from his illness -- but from so much else, too. He's finally willing to put in the work to deal with both and end up a happier, and healthier person on the other side. In Best of a Bad Deal Book Three, he 100% ends up in therapy and it's very, very good for him. He will literally get everything he ever wanted, lol.

Which is all to say, I will always write physical whump and it's what I love. But for JJ, the emotional healing is what he needs most and I hate that we were denied some acknowledgement of that before he died. It's not even that they killed him. They killed him so flippantly and acted like he got everything he ever wanted. I 100% believe that final speech was for Kie's sake only --because yeah, that's what JJ would do. He would look out for her first and foremost, because JJ cares about his friends more than he has ever cared about himself.

[vhstown]

Hello! As a new spiderverse writer, I’m looking into writing for Pavitr but I don’t know how to go about it. I don’t want his sole personality to be that he’s Indian (maybe implications here and there but not overdoing it) so if you happen to have any advice please help. I don’t want to disrespect the culture.

hi anon! i think when you do mention the culture it should mainly be to do with the environment (if you're writing it in his earth) and ive got a link to a lovely guide here! mentioning in passing as things are happening is usually what i try to do. just a very subtle reminder that "by the way, he's in India!" and then move on with the story

if you want advice on what not to do, don't be like his comics where all he does is complain about mumbai traffic 😭 i can assure this boy loves his city and the traffic isn't his problem anyway when he can literally swing... try avoid clichés and jokes that have been said a million times like yes we know chai tea is tea tea by now!

if you want to write dialogue in one of the many languages spoken in india i personally don't recommend using translators... they're not very accurate especially for long phrases is all im saying 😭 i only include short phrases or words and not very often (usually terms of endearment or address) its not that big of a deal if you dont! i usually look on language forums or dictionaries though and see what translation pops up the most often

and about other personality aspects to focus on i like writing about his perfectionism sometimes as a flaw! i think he's also very playful and somewhat cocky but very much loves and cares for his friends and family. if you're stuck for ideas reading other people's pav fics / headcanons for inspiration could help!

i hope this helped at least a little lol if you have any other questions im sure my favourite desi writers @daydreaming-en-pointe and @hobiebrownismygod would be happy to help! you can also dm me if you want me to look over anything or have a question ill try to get back to you as soon as i can 🙏🙏

[shreddeddescent]

Oh don't apologize about writing this, we are literally reading it too! I find the story interesting and like, yeah it is fucked up, but I'm having fun reading it too 💪💪💪

Also, how does Mikey feel about all this? I was thinking about that because he likes to deny the has 'adult problems' like you said, so I am really wondering about how he's dealing with all that is happening

🌠👾

ughhhh god...... the mikey can of worms about this specifically is exactly what that was about and whats been really tough to talk about. like this specific scene was what i had to get up and walk away from cuz it was painful.

he's not okay. he also doesnt care about it, cuz hes like... ugh you know what. i think i should actually just share this whole thing i wrote about it. this one is rough. nothing graphic, but if you wanna see how fucking not okay this kid is despite how much he's pretending he can be? yeah. hes gonna talk about his bullshit for the first time ever, and something bad had happened to mikey before. and he doesnt even know what.

which is like where i think the whole climax of this arch is going in my head. i havent written it all out yet. im being tugged along on a journey, yknow.

warnings for csa and incest and like. very poor coping mechanisms. all of it this one hurt me personally the most in the end.

theres some implications of things going on in the background, cuz at this exact moment none of the characters have been coping well hence the fucking.... need for these adults. raph needed to be alone to spiral about the 3 kids by himself, leo needed to be put to bed (by mikey) cuz he got way too high after realizing how much he'd been personally juggling everybody else, and donnie wont mind his buisness about anything, mikey had a go at him about it which resulted in him trying to help mikey with his current 'im having traumatic sex dreams' problem. but donnie is the same age and wasnt gonna be able to help much.

if any of it sounds confusing im sorry. id try and do a whole. fic thing about it but i really dont know if i can. whats important here is the mikey part. cuz this is where it all came to a head.

also mentions of lita, whos raph's little alter. the one that was only ever around for shredder. until recently

--

Mikey was glad that Donnie seemed better when he left the bathroom. He seemed to have been spiralling about whatever was going on between Leo and Raph.

He was pretty sure the idea of sex repulsed his twin, despite his attempts to explain it to him. He was a good brother. But it really wasn’t worth worrying about if Raph and Leo needed to be away from each other. It was weird he cared.

Donnie cared about too many fucking things.

Mikey had spent an extra long time in the bathroom, thinking over if he felt any attraction like Donnie said. He’d thought about exploring his body, but the idea reminded him of Raph. He really didn’t want it to but it did. The first time he’d seen his own penis was when it was forced into his sleeping brother.

His brother who felt like his mom.

It fucking broke something inside of him. He was trying like hell to be the baby Raph needed, to be okay for him, so he wouldn’t make Raph worse. But in the back of his mind he did know he wasn’t okay. And maybe he was just age regressing to cope. Maybe he was only getting angry at everyone cuz he couldn’t help the age regressing.

It was easy to feel like a baby when you were so malnourished as a child that you looked way younger than you should. Father had seen to that. He didn’t take care of him and then blamed Raph for his condition. And maybe he just didn’t want Raph to feel bad about it anymore.

And he had recently remembered.. something. Childhood Raph who wasn’t Raph. Raph leaving crying, coming back Lita and not crying. And… Lita apologizing for something.

The rest was a mystery. A mystery he’d thought he might be able to uncover in therapy with Big Mama, but now?! Now there was this whole… situation!

So he was just sitting with Donnie quietly, watching dumb shit on YouTube. Ignoring his feelings.

They’d seen Leo very not so subtly leave his room. He still stunk. He walked funny and airheaded, but as long as he wasn’t gonna bother Raph, who cared where he went.

…Mikey cared a little. And he was the only one who saw how much weed he’d smoked.

So after about 5 minutes he sighed and felt the need to get up and see if he could find him.

He went out in his red hoodie and some fresh sweatpants, it was night time and maybe he went outside.

He wandered the hall and felt that vertigo feeling again. He hated it, he didn't feel present. Made him think of the drugs from the cages. The drugs he’d been extra pumped full of for being good at fighting them off. That made it worse.

He rested against the wall for a moment and rubbed his eyes.

“Hey, little man.”

He blinked and looked up. It wasn’t Leo.

Jennika was there, in a loose white shirt and cargo pants. She got down into a squat in front of him and smiled.

“Are you okay?”

He felt like maybe he was standing on a fault line.

“Sorry… I’m kinda queasy…” he mumbled.

She eyed the place he was standing and gently gripped his shoulders, tugging him about 3 feet to the left.

The feeling faded and he sighed out in relief.

“Better?”

“Yeah..” he took a deep breath and stood up straight, smiling at her. “You’re…. I know who you are now.”

She stood at her full height and rubbed the back of her neck.

“Yeah… sorry I was uh… lying before. I guess I wasn’t really lying? But you know.”

He nodded slowly and smiled. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to find you. You seemed kinda.. not okay?”

Mikey laughed and shook his head. “Nah! I’m good! I’m fine, I’m just looking for Leo, he’s the one who’s not good.”

“Leo’s alright. I saw him earlier. Kirby’s kinda.. talking him down from his high I think.”

“Oh! Wow! Kirby’s talking to Leo?” He smiled up at her, that was exciting. He knew Leo seemed upset about being ignored by his…. Son. “That’s good. I think that’s good for him.”

She nodded and held out her hand. “Do you wanna walk somewhere? These walls are so… migraine city.”

Mikey looked up at her curiously and beamed. “Sure!” He took her hand and squeezed it softly.

She squeezed back and they walked to the elevator together. He noticed when she was inside there were more buttons and she pushed one.

She seemed a little shy so he tugged on her arm. She looked down at him curiously.

“Can I call you Jenny? Or is Jennika better?”

“You can call me whatever you want, I don’t mind.”

“Raph said you're trans like him. So that means you probably chose your own name, right? I mean... he didn’t. Cuz he’s.. his situation’s weird, but am I right?”

She blinked and smiled softly.

“Yeah.. I did. Is it… a cool name?”

“Yeah! So if you chose it that makes it extra important, so I wanna make sure I say it how you want it said. Jen-nick-kah. I like it!”

She took in an audibly shaky breath and looked back at the buttons.

“Th…thanks Mikey…”

He squeezed her hand.

“I uh… I don’t think you’re looking at me for like… ugh.. dad approval. But like, you seem cool.”

She smiled and laughed a little. “No, I’m definitely not, but thanks. I feel a little.. weird to be honest. But I hope we can clear the air?”

He smiled up at her genuinely and nodded. “I’d like that.”

The elevator doors opened into a lobby Mikey hadn’t seen before. They’d been portaled from the city straight into Big Mama’s office. This was an actual entrance.

And… it was a button they got blocked from pressing? He’d need to think about that later.

Jennika walked with him out of the building and Mikey came into contact with a whole other world. They were in a courtyard of sorts, a city street across from them. The sky was pitch black, because it wasn’t a sky, it was high dark cave walls that stretched beyond what he could see. There were floating crystals for street lamps lighting the streets.

The streets were full of yokai, going about their days. Shopping at storefronts of magic and mundane. It seemed busy. It seemed normal.

He stopped in his tracks and Jennika turned to look at him worriedly.

“Are you okay?”

“W-where…” He kept staring over at the street. There were weird chariots for cars, and creatures flying above his head.

This wasn’t New York City. 

She seemed to realize what was wrong and her eyes widened. “Oh! You’ve.. never been to the Hidden City. Oh shit. This was stupid Kirby’s gonna kill me.”

Mikey stumbled back into a fountain in the courtyard and sat on it. He looked behind him and he could see the exterior of the hotel for the first time.

A skyscraper that existed underground, he couldn’t even see the top because of how dark it was up there.

He rubbed his temples and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths.

“Mikey are you okay?!” She sat down beside him and put her hand on his shell.

“I… yeah.. it’s just a lot…” he didn’t open his eyes but he did lean into her. “I don’t get out much, I guess. I’d be more excited if it hadn’t been… a day.”

He might have been letting his very well crafted facade slip.

She rubbed his shell. “I just thought we could go get some ice cream and talk it out. I thought maybe the hotel was a dumb place to talk, but maybe that’s my bad… I didn’t think about how weird this would be, I’m sorry.”

He looked up at her. She looked anxious and guilty.

So he thought about what she’d just asked and blinked up at her.

“Hidden city has ice cream? Like somewhere I could try every flavour? Cuz we fit in down here?!” He asked excitedly.

Her eyes widened and she beamed. “Yeah! That’s exactly what I was tryina do!”

He jumped up and tugged her arm.

“Show me! Show me show me!”

She grinned and stood up, jogging with him down the street.

He was laughing as they ran goofily down the street. People were staring but not because they were freaks, just cuz they were having fun.

They found a storefront for ice cream and there was a many armed person at the till. Jennika boldly asked for two samples of every flavour and it earned a very annoyed look from the clerk. She slid some kind of hidden city money over with an apologetic smile to make it worth their time which cheered them up.

There was some weird flavours in there he’d never heard of. Some sounded like fruits that didn’t exist, others were weirdly goopy or fleshy in nature. One even made them breathe fire, it was fun. They had a laugh.

By the time they’d tried everything Mikey was given some kind of mix of 5 flavours in a bowl with a spoon, and Jennika got the same.

So they walked down the street eating ice cream together. Like they were normal people having a normal outing.

It was so weird how normal it felt.

She showed him a park to walk through, the trees and plants were purple instead of green which was cool.

They sat down at a bench facing a glowing green lake to sit and eat. It was peaceful. He liked it.

“So how are you?” She finally asked, scooping ice cream in her mouth.

“Kinda confused. You’re really nice and cool, but like… you’re.. you know. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel… like, I feel kinda silly? But also.. feel kinda bad?” He was squishing the ice cream together, mixing the colours absentmindedly in the bowl.

She hummed and swallowed back her current bite, placing the bowl down beside her. “I can tell you how I see it. Which is that you’re like.. a brother. Like I know where I come from, but you’re just a kid, and you’re a kid on your own and that makes me sad, and I feel like I’m standing right here in front of you with like.. I dunno, open ears. No that’s not the phrase..” she tapped her chin as she tried to think.

Mikey looked up at her curiously. “Open arms?”

She snapped her fingers and grinned down at him. “Yeah! Open arms. I know it’s weird. I'm not trying to make you feel weird, I just wanna listen if you need someone.”

He looked down at his bowl and took a small bite. He wasn’t sure how well some of this went together but he liked it all the same. A big fucked up hodgepodge of deliciousness.

“I… don’t want you to feel weird. Maybe I’m hoping we’re just gonna be a big family with ease and nobodies gonna have any problems anymore and I can just be normal and not worry anymore.”

She smiled sadly and bumped his arm with hers.

“I’d like to be a family like that, but I think it won’t be so easy. And that’s okay. I wanna put work in, we all do. I think it’s worth a try, and I’m kinda old enough that I can handle whatever you wanna throw at me.”

He glared at the lake with a tired look in his eye. “Just cuz you’re old doesn’t make you able to handle stuff. Old people never handle stuff good as far as I’ve seen. I guess that’s not fair… I just think I’ve seen my brothers get hurt over and over cuz people don’t care how they come off to us. Cuz Shredder treated us like animals, and Splinter…” he sighed. That was a whole can of worms. “She’s old, and yet she felt more emotionally stupid than everybody else. Than her own kids.”

He blinked and realized he’d been talking a bunch and looked up at her. She was just watching him with a sad look.

“Sorry. I’m fine. Thanks for the ice cream, it's good!” He put his happy voice back on and shoved more in his mouth. He thought about how much he could fit at once before swallowing so he took bigger bites. 

“I’m… sorry your mom wasn’t good to you. I’m extra sorry your dad was…” she sighed. “I guess adults really let you down a lot. I’m sorry.”

He shrugged and swallowed back his huge mouthful of ice cream. And then he felt the brain freeze and cupped his head. “Auuuugh there it is! Brain freeze!”

She hummed a laugh and rubbed his shell. “You’re trying to avoid talking. You wanna seem like a happy normal kid don’t you? You’re putting on an act.”

That hurt more than the brain freeze.

He groaned and kept holding his head as it passed, she was holding him to distract from the hurt in his brain.

“How do you know I’m acting! Maybe I’m just immature!”

“Maybe. But maybe you know you’re hurting and you don’t wanna make it my problem for some reason.”

He furrowed his brow and looked away.

“Is it cuz you think I’m like your kid? Cuz really… I really don’t see me like that Mikey…”

“No, it’s not that..” he sighed. He wasn’t sure what it was. He’d been able to talk to Donnie, he’d wanted to talk to Leo. But Jennika was actually asking him how he felt and he could only sit there thinking of ways to seem like he was a baby again. Ways to try and seem normal, like a good kid brother who makes her want to take care of him normally, so he wouldn’t scare her off, or traumatize her!

Oh…

“It’s cuz you make me think of Raph…”

She took a deep breath and nodded knowingly, sighing.

“You don’t talk to him about how you feel. You just go baby made. So you wanna do that with me too.”

“I’m sorry… I’ve got issues. People think I don’t but…” he sighed. “I don’t know..”

She patted his back. “I'm not Raph. I’m not your mom. I’m your cooool big sister! And I know you’ve got issues, I’m open, I’m here. Hit me.”

He looked up at her nervously.

“I…” he looked around. It was really empty here. He decided to lay his head in her lap. “Is this okay..?”

He felt her hand gently stroke his head. “Yeah, that’s okay..”

He took a few deep breaths. “I keep thinking about the cages… about.. what happened. I’m really embarrassed about it, and ashamed of myself… it’s stupid cuz I know it’s not my fault, but the.. specifics of what hurt me was all related to this..” he sighed and closed his eyes. “Weird relationship I have with him, where I try to let him be my mom cuz I never had one. And maybe it’s cuz he’s female and I imprinted on him as a baby, or maybe it’s just cuz I was so small and he was so worried about me.. but the… the mixing of these two things in my head, the 'mama Raph' and the fact I….” He felt tears rolling down his cheeks and he sobbed audibly. It was getting uncontrollable.

She just rubbed his head. He heard her sniff but didn’t look up. He just let her pet him and tried to collect himself.

“I-I’m sorry, I don’t… know what to do, I know you’re not… but I’d never even seen my body before my dad made me use it against my will, a-and so I’m just.. b-back to baby mode, h-hoping I never grow up and have to think about it again…”

“God… Mikey I’m fucking sorry, that sounds like so much…” she was probably crying but kept petting him. He wasn’t sure how to respond now. “I… I think it sounds like you know you shouldn’t do that. That you’re like… pushing stuff down to make yourself seem okay. I think maybe you wanna be worried about normally just so you feel normal, maybe that’s why you’re acting like that…” he chanced a look up at her. She might have looked like him, but the way she was crying over him made her look like Raph. So he was crying in her lap quietly.

He looked away and clutched the fabric of her pants. “I’m.. not trying to act out… I just really don’t want these grown up problems, I-I wanna worry about stupid stuff, n-not wake up with my thing out cuz I h-had a nightmare…”

She took a deep shaky breath and blew it out slowly. “We don’t get to choose to not grow up. I know why you want to? But look at me. If I could have stayed a kid forever I probably would have. I hated puberty. Being a grown up sucks. But you can’t stop it. And you’ve gotten forced into the worst thing, but it doesn’t make you grown up, it just.. means you have to deal with something complicated. I... think ignoring that kinda problem won’t make it go away, and if you need to talk to someone about.. all that gross complicated stuff you’re scared of, I’m here. I’ve had lots of weird feelings over the years, going from like.. weapon to person, boy to girl.. you can tell me more if you want. Maybe I’ll get it.”

Mikey sat up and wiped his eyes. “I.. I haven’t even been asking about you, I’m so sorry Jennika…”

She smiled sadly and draped her arm over his shoulder, pulling him close and giving him a gentle shake. “No, it’s fine! You’re having a bad day. I wanna help with that, don’t worry about me at all.”

He looked up at her sadly, pressing his head against her chest.

“I-it’s weird.. if I’m not your dad, that probably means Raph’s not your mom right..?”

She sighed and looked at the lake. “No… he’s not. It’s kinda complicated, cuz there’s a piece of my heart that still.. I dunno, craves a mom? So that’s why I was so weird when he called me beautiful… but he’s not, he’s my brother just like you are.”

He looked over at the lake. “Is it weird that I think of him as my mom..?”

“No… Not at all, I get it. He’s been your caretaker, and he likes doing that.”

Mikey nodded slowly. “Then.. you get why its… fucking with my head that I’ll dream about the cage, and wake up like that.. why I feel sick to my stomach about it…”

“God, yeah I get that… I would be scared.”

“And I can’t cry to him about it, cuz it’s about him…”

She nodded slowly. “And that would make it worse.. yeah. I’m sorry Mikey…” she rubbed his shoulder. “Okay.. so this will be weird no matter what, but like.. you had the bird and bees talk? And any other talks about your body and stuff..?”

He looked up at her and shrugged sadly. “How much talk needed? We already made you.. think I get where babies come from…”

She looked down at him sadly and then gently rubbed his head. “Oh.. buddy that doesn’t mean you know everything. Did Splinter never…?”

He looked away. “Maybe she tried. Maybe I ran away. I don’t know, I don’t remember…”

She nodded and kept rubbing his head. “Okay. Let’s jump past babies and stuff. I think what you’re describing is like a sex dream, and it’s one you’re having cuz you got forced into it. A trauma dream, making you relive the only time you’ve ever felt arousal. You can’t control it, it's not your fault, it’s a natural response. It doesn’t mean you actually feel aroused by Raph, that you actually want him like that. It’s… ugh I’m sorry. Consent is a better place to maybe start this. Consent and body autonomy and finding a partner you trust…?” She shifted a little.

He looked up. She seemed a little frustrated that she couldn’t find the words.

He sighed and idly squeezed her knee. “I know what you’re trying to say. That I was raped. That I raped Raph but I didn’t, that he raped me but he didnt… dad raped us. Used us to rape each other. I… I know that.”

She looked down at him sadly, clearly sad about how much he was using the word. But he should be allowed to say it over and over again!

“Yeah…”

“I’m too young for sex. I don’t want a sex partner or whatever. I don’t want to have to worry about that, but I’m scared that I’m…” he keeled over and started crying out of nowhere. “I-I think maybe when I was little dad raped me too..? W-when Lita.. I-I can’t remember it… sh-she said I saw something I w-wasn’t supposed to… sh-she seemed so fucking sorry… a-and that’s all I’ve been thinking about for a week… a-and nobody cares!”

Jennika gently shook him and she was crying too. “I care! Fuck Mikey I care so much, I’m so fucking sorry!”

“E-everyone’s been tiptoeing around it! L-like around Raph! A-and maybe I wanted to go to therapy and talk about it! T-talk to Lita! Get more information! B-but there was the… th-the YOU situation! A-and he was traumatized enough! A-and now Big Mama is evil and I-I can’t!”

She took a deep shaky break and wrapped her arms around him and pulled him in her lap for a hug. He let her as he sobbed against her chest. “We don’t need her to do that. We can figure it out without her, we can find ways of dealing with it. God Mikey you’ve been so fucking… I’m sorry. Everything is so fucked up but I fucking promise you that’s my priority okay? We’re gonna help you with that.”

Mikey was clinging to her shirt and sobbing into it. He nodded miserably as he cried. “I-I’m sorry.. I-I keep forgetting t-to bring it up c-cuz I only I-learned about it when y-you were b-born! B-but that was like a week ago! A-and that’s its whole own thing! A-and I’m too fucked up t-to think about it!”

She held him tight and pressed her head against his.

“Fuck… you’ve been keeping so much in there…” She pulled back to cup his cheeks in her hands and smile determined at him, tears still freely falling down her face. He sniffled and shook as he looked back at her. “You don’t need to worry about any of this other stuff. No villains no brothers no fucking weird turtles coming back from the future. Your priority is Mikey. And so’s mine. We’re gonna figure it out. You and me. We’re gonna talk it out one step at a time together. Anything you fucking need I’m here, okay?”

He put his hands on hers, he was struggling to breathe through the crying. This wasn’t his usual crying, he felt fucking broken. His whole body hurt from how hard he was crying.

And it felt good. To fucking scream and yell and cry about how miserable he REALLY was, and to feel seen for it. To feel cared for about it.

So he shakily nodded and kept crying in her face.

She held him again. This wasn’t like how Raph would make him feel at all, this wasn’t a mom thing. This wasn’t a ‘push my feelings down and pretend you’re normal’ upset thing. This was just a sibling really fucking seeing him and letting him be as big of a wreck as he needed. Someone he wasn’t scared of making the problems worse of.

Maybe she was exactly what he needed right now.

[atlasdoe]

hello, i am bored. here are some unpopular opinions that may very well get me cancelled if i posted this on tiktok

do not read if you know youre going to get mad if i say something you disagree with

the over feminisation and over-aggressive characterisations of sirius and remus are so left field it makes my eye twitch. like if you wanna write them like that then fine but don't tell me that one scene of sirius wearing something nice and one scene of remus throwing harry up a wall (while he's in the middle of like a twenty year war with all of his friends dead mind you) means that they were as people are interpreting them in cannon

the fandom isn't misogynistic. you just want everyone to care about the same characters the way you do despite the fact that very little of them (especially the girls really besides lily and the black sisters) have any character/story to care about to begin with

on that same note, it is not wolfstar and jegulus' shippers job to write dorlene and marylily fics. there are over 6000 fics tagged under dorlene and over 2000 for marylily which is really impressive and a really big number for ships containing two people who don't have any connection to one another

we cannot blame every death on dumbledore. dumbledore was manipulative and not a very good person but he wasn't out here deliberately getting all the people on his side killed

this fandom is obsessed with tragedy so much that tragedy has now become repetitive and boring. i love a good sad story but what is the point in taking every single character and making them live the worst life possible. its like yall are only capable in caring for a character if they have literally the worst ending ever

the marauders weren't child soldiers. They were young but they weren't children.

on the same note just because barty, evan and peter (and any other death eater) was young does not excuse them of their actions. I'm 20 and I know that i wouldn't betray all of my friends or help torture new parents into insanity

deciding that pandora somehow had to be a part of a death eater family was the worst thing this fandom did to her character

it pisses me off when the fandom will bend over backwards to try to connect the same 12 characters to every headcannon imaginable when there are so many other characters that you could use

despite this tho i hate the whole "ravenpuff" thing. As someone who actually cares about Emmeline, Edgar, Fabian, Gideon, Amelia, Benjy, Caradoc and all of that it annoys me to no end when the only time people post about them is to shove them all into the two least cared about houses and decides that they were all friends while giving them the most uncreative name out there. if you dont care about them then dont post about them

marlene is the most overrated character in the fandom

james and marlene being childhood best friends is my least favourite headcannon

mary obliviating herself is the worst headcannon

remus lupin is a bottom

sirius black is tall

marlene being in ravenclaw > marlene being in gryffindor

this fandom really needs to remember that barty and evan were villains. if you like them then that's completely fine but stop trying to make them secretly good

i can only ship sirius with remus but i can ship remus with literally anyone (so long as they are actually his age or older. for some reason i cant ship remus with people who are over a year younger then him)

i dont think its fair to say that if you like regulus then you cant shit on snape stans but it is utterly unfair to stan barty and evan but shit on snape stans

fancasting and commenting on normal peoples tiktoks is stupid and embarrassing. we are HATED by other fandoms and is it because we are unable to stay in our lane. stop getting into other peoples buisness by commenting "REMUS LUPIN" under a Spiderman edit

james would not have stopped talking to sirius after the prank. He'd be mad at him and he'd tell him off but he wouldn't stop talking to him. If James had to pick between Sirius and anyone he's picking Sirius

on that note i think the only people who weren't talking to sirius after the prank was remus and lily. mostly because i dont think anyone other then the marauders and lily would even have known that remus was a werewolf at the time

ALSO evan, barty and regulus would not befriend remus after the prank. firstly they wouldnt care and even if they did they would be more likely to abuse the fact that they know about him being a werewolf

im sick of seeing people try to shame others for shipping wolfstar but not marylily because "theyre the same ship." theyre literally not. just because YOU hc mary and lily to have a similar dynamic as remus and sirius doesnt mean that theyre the same and doesnt mean that everyone else should think so to. Same with literally every other ship that gets compared to another based on headcannons

this is getting really long so imma leave it there

[the-real-rain-world-confessions]

just going to leave some of my thoughts here:

first: i do not think the fandom is falling apart. there is still talented and good people here. people always blow up anything that happens out of proportion. this dosent even apply to anything in particular. even if it did get bad, i love this game too much to just stop supporting it.

partially related to that, i do not get the people who whine so much about nsfw and generally things they do not like. i do not like any rain world nsfw at all. iterator or scug or else. but i would not harass anyone over it, that is not good. i dislike but care very little about iterator or anthro scug (anthro being a slugcat who is able to consent, does not have to be full furry-looks-like-a-person) nsfw. i very much do not like animalistic slugcat nsfw (or think other things that would be illegal in real life) but i still would not attack people over it. (and i would stay out of those spaces! they arent for me)

and semi related to that too, i do not ship anything in rain world. i generally dont really ship. but i still show my appreciation for ship art like anything else. i see a really good slugcat art? yay! i let the creator know (by liking etc) that i like their art. i see a really good ship art, even if i dont ship? yay! i do the same thing, because the creator obviously put effort into it and cares about it. and it can be cute sometimes, or interesting. i actively follow accounts that post majority ship art because i like the art, or the ideas, or the account.

all this also goes for headcanons i dont like, aus i dont like, fics i dont like, interpretations i dont like, literally any content i dont like. not hurting people in real life, and you know how to keep it that way (seperate fiction from reality and things)? well then im just going to leave, maybe block the tags so i dont see it again (or something similar), and consider it settled. hence 'people always blow up anything that happens out of proportion.'

this was a long confession but what else ima do? i guess im a coward for posting this on anon but thats what confession blogs are for babyyy!!

.

[squidthesquidd]

HELLOOOOOOOO THEREEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Do you have any Tf Ocs? or Ocs in general? Asking for no reason (:

-🪐

oh my god so many so many transformers OCs😭 I only have one drawn so far so im just gonna infodump on you so hard

Clapperclaw- my FIRST actual transformer oc :3 hes a lil guy and hes designed to look like a bird!!! and he transforms into a mosquito helicopter! He used to be a decepticon, but he defected after a series of events that kinda made him have an identity crisis.. alsooo hes conjuxed to MisClick!! who ill talk abt now

MisClick- Big blue tank thing!!!! shes a scientist and doesn't prefer fighting, but shes huge and buff and can protect herself verrry well. She was also a decepticon, but didn't really care for sides all the much, but stayed with the decepticons for convenience (first faction that found her, her partner was part of them, they had the materials she wanted for her experiments) but when Clapper defected, she did too.

Current- also a scientist, and specializes in chemistry and biology mostly. and he turns into a boat!!! a big as hell yacht!!! so he a reaall big bot. hes an autobot and in most versions of him hes really close with optimus cus yayyy :3 also his face got fucked up in one of his experiments (acid burns teehee) so he wears a mask most of the time

Pike- okay soo... this guy isss complicated??? the initial reason i made him was for transformers reader insert fic reasons, and then he just kinda stuck around in my brain. sometimes hes with megatron, sometimes with someone else, hes an autobot and a decepticon at the same time , i dont fucking know. the only constant is that he's ancient and doesnt eat energon like a normal person (he doesnt really eat energon at all, he feeds off the energy thats always being dispelled by other bots. hes silly like that)

Crimson- now this guy silly!!! hes tiny and has a liiiittle bit of an italian accent cus his alt-mode is based on my dads car which is a really old alfa romeo (which are italian cars :3) hes silly and always super optimistic and is the reason that Tine eventually joined the autobots

Tine- (placeholder name) Saddest guy on the block. wasn't on a side and was doing his best to survive. kills on sight, takes no risks, serious as FUCK. hated everyone and everything until meeting crimson. saw a silly old man so full of joy and whimsy he couldn't help but fall in love lmao. still very wary around everyone else but can and will kill for crimson (also his alt is a jeep btw)

Prodsling- yeah this is a cowboy. texas accent , would wear a cowboy hat if he could, likes to pet cows and horses, loves driving through mud. hes like a chill southern granpa that sits on a porch and gives weird advice and makes farm animal noises. turn into a pickup truck ofc

Shiver- Weirdest girl on the block. literally your local cryptid that watches u from the shadowy corners and knows all your secrets. actually quite sweet but has the autism that makes you strange and unsettling <3 alt is like??? i dunno some cool black car. she walks silently and is so good at eavesdropping

Polyphon- weird little decepticon kid that wants to be friends with soundwave SO BAD. wants to party, covered in rainbow biologhts. RAVE BOY RAVE TIME!!! has speakers on him :3 here to have a good time not a long time 🎉

Vironmet- Little old lady in the woods that loves to meditate and talk to animals. will NOT HESITATE TO THROW DOWN if you fuck of the forest or anything living in it. bakes you a pie but if your mean to dogs its poisoned. basically what if tfa prowl was a little lady that killed. she turns into a Squirrel i think

Matte- Mercedes that does not quit. stares into peoples eyes menacingly all day. wants to bite. most fucking stubborn guy ever. Only loosely tied to the autobots and just does his own thing, cus literally no one can handle him!!!!!

Nano- tiny little medic! about the size or a human and her alt is basically a swiss-army medical tool! so shes made to have other bots handles her. also shes basically Ratchets child for funsies. tiny, bitey, ready to be covered in energon when its surgery time!!!!

aaand thats a out it so far! I dont have a lot of time to draw them cus im in college snd have ine million assignments 😭 but ill try!!! so watch out for em!!