#literally as im typing this post my brain went like girl is THIS why you have been fighting for your life to pay attention | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

teeto-peteto · 1 year ago

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Out of curiosity, and I apologise for any inconvenience, but what is it about Pyke that makes you so endeared with him?

okay at the point im writing this its 16:45 pm, im european and im going on and off writing between games, drawing etc. this is probably and im not joking the longest, hugest post i have ever written not only on tumblr but in any social media in general. I had to take notes to reorganize my thoughts cause trust me, there's a lot of things to unpack.

Short answer: cringely grabs the microphone while blushing ...i ...i like him...

Long ass fucking answer omw to make the longest tumblr post in history: My relationship with Pyke as a character its, somewhat, funny. Pyke was released after Zoe, and Kai'sa, and Neeko was released after him. In 2018 there was this ''drama'' around League Of Legends fandom where people was tired of, what they call, 'Disney style characters' like Zoe. Kai'Sa release didnt help the ''drama'' as how the character was designed and put together. I didnt mind much about the 'Disney style' drama cause, everything that has sparkles and glitter on i love it. Then this motherfucker came into picture. His new champion teaser popped on League Of Legends youtube channel and in the game client, and of course, i had to peek my eye.

Im saying this now, and I am being completely honest:

I hated his guts, i despised him.

I didnt like him, at all. Not that i was 100% only sparkle champions, but i hated him. I didnt understand him, i didnt get the design, and i again thought that Riot was pulling again on male champions being shirtless and just talking about war and fist fighting while being edgy. I vividly remember one of my friends asking my thoughts on him after the trailer was out, and i told him that i didnt like Pyke at all, i actually did hate him. But...

I literally changed my opinion in just days

I dont know what part of my brain activated or deactivated, but i blankly stared at this guys trailer and the leaked splashart and... i changed my mind. He went from a champion i was not interested on at all to stiking my chords like no other champion has ever done. I started liking him without a reason at first, unable to pinpoint why i suddendly changed my mind. I waited for his official release, and oddly enough, i started playing him. Im not used to play male characters cause its not my comfort zone but... Pyke felt... different somewhat? Im not even used to play engage/hook characters but i felt like playing him.

When his release was out in 2018, i was already on my first year of Art school, and i vividly remember being on the computer schoolroom for homework with my class and I started reading his lore in the computer screen trying not to get catched. I snucked out of classes to go to the bathroom and read his lore and short story, see fanart and the tldrs of his designs... I was literally behaving like a little girl when she sees a cute guy, and, techically speaking, its what was kinda happening. I had the shortest 'enemies to lovers' arc in history cause i hated him for, maybe, less than a week.

Lets talk about lore!! Yipiee!!

Focusing on League's original lore, we can see a glimpse of who Pyke was before becoming an undead. My views on his character are a mix of my personal thoughts of him and the canon lore. Seeing this little glimpse of the man he was before that he never wants to talk about again is, interesting. It makes my mind wonder. Did he believe that he was being underpaid and exploited as a butcher? Did he think that captains and rich/powerful people abuse their power? Did he ever raise his voice? Was he prideful, and its why he doesnt want to talk about his past self? Or was he just too naive to know and its ashamed of it? Pyke is the type of person who is not talkative, but that is very reflexive. As the other side of the coin, Illaoi is also very reflexive but clearly expresses her thoughts without filter. The fact that he was also a buhru makes my head spin. It makes me wonder, why didnt he stay with them? Why didnt he look for a job within the buhru, instead looking for it on the city? What was the relationship with her buhru mom? What happened to his dad? Was he around, present at all? How many time has passed? What is Pyke's actual age?

Pyke's tragedy is, to a very lower extend, relatable. Its easy to identify with him. Everyone's got their lifeline cut sometime. But what is truly interesting for me and always has me craving to hug this man is the extent of his trauma.

In 'And then, teeth', Pyke has flashbacks of his death after killing Mazier and staring at her body. He can remember how dark it was, how slimy it felt, how he couldnt see well because of the sweat covering his eyes. How he tried, with all his forces, to escape to no avail. Pyke also seems, somewhat, lucid at times. Allow me to explain. Pyke is still him, that is clear. Yes, he hears voices, and they are always there, but he is still his own person. He is able to remember things from the past, he's able to act by his own, to think by his own, but the voices are always there. When i say 'lucid', i mean when he's either killing, or interacting with the list. In this short story, Pyke stares at the list, after killing Mazier, unable to believe that he actually did kill his whole crew, but suddendly comes to a normal, realization, 'Where did i get the ink?'.

Before killing Bekke, he says that he was there, watching him die, smiling. Makes you wonder if he's actually talking with rage and bloodthirst, or, if he's actually talking seriously. What if, he was talking seriously, but not being literal? We know Bekke wasnt there, he is not even from Bilgewater. But what if Pyke actually meant that, every single captain, every single person with power, constantly watch him die? constantly watching the people working for them dying, only for the powerful ones to become richer? Is he actually completely doomed at this point, is it a mix of both the voices and his own thoughts? Or is he just... him?

People that isnt much interested in his lore often thinks hes a mindless killer. Not that in mad, i think its stupid being mad about it. But to say that it's a false state, its valid. Pyke would never, ever lay a finger on someone he knows its fully innocent BEFORE killing his whole crew. 'But what if Bekke, for example, was just innocent? Maybe he was powerful but a good man?' I think thats to very own interpretation. What can i say, i hate rich people ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ im good with my man killin them all, slay. To some extent hes kind of a Robin Hood but bloodier you know? In the end he steals from the rich to share the gold with others. Gold that he wished he had back when he was an underpaid butcher.

Back to Pyke's trauma again cause i got lost on my own notes, its interesting how he behaves. As someone as introverted, and after becoming an undead, you might believe that Pyke now doesnt trust ANYONE. He doesnt leave his guard down, never trusting never believing anything. But... its completely the opposite. Its clearer on his in-game interactions. 'I needed help back there' and 'I work better with a crew'... waahhhh. But you know where this becomes even more clearer?

Ruined King baby

I want to marry him. I want to marry Pyke in general but Ruined King Pyke hes a baby and i need him i want to pat his head and tell him everything is going to be fine AUGH. How he settled up with a bunch of random people, allow me to say, after one of them wooped his ass, and with a captain, clearly a target for him, and he was OKAY with it. What a king. Slay.

Illaoi removed his voices, thanks queen. And you know what we see? Pyke behaving like a more troubeled person than a violent one... It blew my mind. The fact that he sharpens and cleans his knives and harpoon because he's stressed, the fact that he talks passive aggresive with Illaoi even if he's thankful. The fact that he likes Sarah enough not to kill her, and that he trusts her. He's able to trust a captain, even after what happened to him. It broke me. It broke me seeing his relationship with Ahri, how she was sorry, how she just murmured 'thanks' and then stood quiet when Ahri said to Sarah that he was, probably, never going to be able to explain the complexity of his trauma and his feelings. Seeing him having nice conversations with Braum and Yasuo... seeing him feel, welcomed... you actually feel good for him, if you have been stuck with him in your mind like me for years you actually feel happy for him. Pyke has friends. It makes you also wonder about the end... Why did he go? Why did he never say goodbye? Its true he said that once he was done with Viego, he was out, thats his only achievement. But... in the end, we see him go with Braum, Ahri, Yasuo and Illaoi to the tavern... Did he change his mind in the way? Did he just randomly turned the opposite direction? What the hell hapenned i need to know. This game made me cry. Not with the end. This game made me cry everytime this guy opened his mouth. Because he's relatable at some extent. And knowing that at some time later, if Sentinels of Light was canon and better written... Pyke would have been betrayed. Again. By Sarah. Someone he trusted blindly again. Can you imagine? How could have that developed? Would Pyke ever be able to trust again? Would he return to his patterns or would he just promise himself not to ever trust again?

Something i really liked about Ruined king lays on the early hours of the game, when we first see Pyke when we play as Illaoi. She calls him a monster, an abomination. But Pyke refuses to fight, even if he considers it an interesting battle, he refuses, because he has no reason, confirming that Pyke's kills are always selective and he would never hurt an innocent, even if you treat him poorly. I have talked a lot about Ruined King so ill try not to over repeat myself. Lets talk about

Design queen slay yass pop off

I just think he's neat! Look at that guy!! They made a marbelous job. Referring to all his models and concepts of course. Its the creepy but cool looking bandana with the teeth that gives him that eery, but also dinstictive colour focus on his design. The bone jaws around his shoulders reminding us about his death, the ripped cape, the fish teeth and teeth knives hanging from his belt giving him this 'shark' style everyone likes to explore on him... the gloves, the nails in a lot of concepts and promotional arts, the now grey-ish tribal tattoos representing his past as a buhru... The list hanging from his side, the boots with spikes to work... Something i like of him in League is the CTRL-5 animation where you can change his harpoon to how it probably looked when he was alive to the eery, phantasmagoric and murky looking one. Its an amazing touch. I love his design and i love that they didnt go for the typical 'drowned pirate spirit'. He looks so neat. The scars, the eyes... the ropes hanging around, the baits hanging from his cape... waahhh

Point number 2343939

............he's pretty..............

im going to hell and its his fault. What can i say? I like him.

Moving onto a more serious, and now probably more directly answering your question. Why am i so attached to him?

Yes, i do like his lore, and i have a bunch of questions i love to fill the blanks myself with own headcanons, i do like his design a lot aswell and i loved him on Ruined King, and i love playing him on league.

But, Pyke suddendly became a recurrent thought on my mind. I wasnt on a very good moment back in 2018. I felt undesirable, in all aspects, my group of friends wasnt the best back in the day and i was often ignored when i vented about trauma. I then suddendly saw a character that i could relate to, but that was also strong willed, and stood up for himself. I realized that, maybe i just wanted someone to protect me. Its a thought that sucks, not being able to protect yourself and seeking others to hide behind. But... he was there on my mind in my darkest places, and honestly? he hasnt left not even a single day. Made me thought that, maybe he would actually listen through my problems, maybe he would have stood up for me and protected me, maybe he would take the care i desperately craved for real people to give me. Sometime's hes the only reason i decide to get up from bed and do anything, i dont have it the roughest but i struggle emotionally with a lot. He's like, my emotional support, ironically, he's a support champion, haha, funny.

I then started interacting and seeing people who also formed these bonds with fictional characters, and suddendly i didnt feel that weird. He makes me feel like a little kid in love, and... it helps me heal. It keeps my mind busy, and i like him a lot enough not to get tired from thinking about him. Skins and AU's are helpful cause i can also explore other contexts of him, other things i didnt ask myself yet...

Getting sappy, i love everything about him. And it makes me happy seeing people that also love everything about him. I love it. I love him. And its been 5 hard years, but that also contains a lot of healing thanks to a random character from league of legends.

Woah! Its 4:06 am! thats a while haha. I missed a lot, my mind was fuzzy. Well, i have to go back to my day dreaming <3

#oh my sweet baby i love him so much #makes me smile everytime

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oatchi · 3 years ago

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you know what since i was just in someones text post about raging and seething over transformers lets talk about tfa im dying to talk about tfa can we talk about tfa?

i love tfa dearly because the autobots are so. god damn. fucked. up. no one ever talks about it. why? because no one has read the allspark almanac. if you are the kind of person to woobify optimus im going to need you to sit down and read the complete allspark almanac for me. we are just getting a taste for it today. lets talk about the HORRIFIC BODY CRIMES the autobots have! you guys know about project omega? they show it in the show, so i should hope so. its the project that made omega supreme! well, if you dont already think that project omega is fucked up (creating sentient creatures that have “lower functioning power” to keep them from questioning why they kill people) im sure what im about to say is going to at least shock you. the autobots had tfp styled vehicons, and we know this because they were forced to create the omega sentinels!

nameless, faceless workers by the dozens creating what is essentially child soldiers (or mentally disabled. or both!) by the tens, all of which were made to, once dead, still function in ship mode. because, yes! there were more than omega supreme! the steelhaven is one! we know of at least twelve of them! yep! yep! autobot behavior! (tears a pillow apart with my teeth) okay, but thats just one (ginormous, majorly fucked up,) example, i hear you say. well, do you know about the autotroopers? no? of course you dont. it wasnt in the show, so why would it be relevant? lets look at them!

when you join the autotroopers, essentially common police bots, you lose all your individuality. and the astute reader might call out that its not all individuality, just a body type reformat. hell, ratchet and ironhide have that body type, right? but you would be wrong. in medias where it actually shows these bots, it includes the head as well. a whole crowd of this design specifically. its a full body transfer. you lose your whole self. AWESOME BEHAVIOR AUTOBOTS!!!!!!!

now, what im going to say now is actually pretty common knowledge, but i would be remorse if i didnt mention it. TWO KIDS FUCKING DIED IN A FACTORY AND THE AUTOBOTS WENT HM, YEAH, LETS REANIMATE THEM AND FUCK WITH THEIR BODIES AND BRAINS WHILE THEYRE DEAD AND FORCE THEM INTO WAR

while i cannot post the whole comic here, word for word, jetfire and jetstorm almost die in a factory explosion and are considered “expendable volunteers.” they did not have a choice in the matter. the fact that they liked the outcome does not ignore the fact that the autobots were okay with the possibility of KILLING SOME GUYS THAT WERE ON THEIR DEATHBEDS, OR TURNING THEM INTO DECEPTICONS BY IMPLANTING CODE PULLED FROM STARSCREAM INTO THEM. FANTASTIC WORK AS ALWAYS AUTOBOTS!!!!!!!!!!

now. all that i have said. i must ask a crucial question.... why is it always sentinel who gets blamed for war crimes when ultra magnus is literally right there?

im not going to pretend sentinel didnt do fucked up things. or stupid things. working with a bounty hunter that commonly works for the decepticons... yeah. not the most rational thinking. putting a child in prison for thousands of years and vehemently hunting them down later when they escape... i mean, the first part cant really be of his blame (seeing as how ultra magnus probably had to approve the jailing itself. and once it was there it was out of sentinels hands.) but the second part. couldve been handled better. and yeah interrogating bots on neutral space territory is so shady. but sentinel is not even CLOSE to having been the most fucked up autobot.

ultra magnus is literally in charge of... all of these things, i would say. especially, directly, project omega (omega supreme) and project safegaurd (the jettwins). why does no one talk about ultra magnus being so so so fucked up..? because by the end he says that he was wrong about optimus...? girl he experimented on dying people and under his rule it is commonplace for nameless faceless clones to exist. its normal to BECOME nameless and faceless. he BUILT mentally stunted people to fight a war and not question why they were killing and had functionality built in them to DIE if necessary for “regular” autobots. what in the fuck is wrong with him hello. talk about this more please. direct your hate for some of this shit to him. this isnt even talking about how he refused to at least attempt to see if elitas shell could be recovered from archa 7. blame sentinel for taking them there, sure, but blame ultra magnus for the fact that blackarachnia was alone on archa seven for implied hundreds of years before the decepticons found her.

not to bring it back to a phrase i say all too often, but fuck it, my post. your sentinel hatred bias is showing. and to an extent, for some of you, i think your ultra magnus liking bias is showing. im taking away your attractive silver fox ultra magnus until you can stop pretending sentinel is the autobot whos done the most fucked up things.

#callisto.wav #tfa #okay (walks away)#im normal now :-)#but seriously autobots are soooo fucked up in tfa. i love it why are they like that (eats some cardboard by ripping it apart with my teeth)

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its-me-im-coraline · 3 years ago

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Peculiar and Beautiful // Victoria De Angelis

words // 1333

warnings // angsty but also fluffy

pairing // Victoria De Angelis x GN!Reader

author's note // if you want to be on the tag list let me know besties, don't forget the 'sleepover' on sunday (yes i'll be saying it on every fucking post lol) and yeah, that. also, a little complaining moment from me, im currently in sooooo much pain, my tooth hurts, i got neuralgia on a tooth and ljajakjfa so if this seems high to you it means im on meds for that lol unlucky few days anywaaaays enjoy to revive yourselves from the teasers of iwbys video

request // yes, here

summary // Reader finds themself in a emotional rut. A few comments online, the constant youtube recommendations on how to be “perfect” have been making them feel some type of way, hiding away from the one person that can help them; Victoria

It was a consistent thing and that was the issue. The comments about what Victoria did and did not deserve, who she should be with, the constant shipping with Damiano… And then there were the absolutely random videos on youtube, indirectly telling them what and who they should become, at least according to all those people online. It took less than expected to cave into the vicious lies surrounding their daily life. Although they tried to take control over the situation the absence of Victoria did nothing to improve the rut they were in at the moment.

Her presence tends to be a reassuring thing to her lover. Words need not be spoken, all problems can be hidden, but the moment they look each other in the eye everything is resolved. Understandably, Victoria missing from the equation in the moment made matters far worse than Y/N could imagine.

The self depreciation came in waves. At first it was that they looked “off” next to Victoria, as if for some reason they didn’t please the eye aesthetically when together. It was a comment that was shared around a lot. They did not believe it at first until their brain led them into looking through all the couple’s photos… Maybe they are right, they would mumble before closing the phone and continuing their work.

After that stage came the personal attack. Why don’t I look good next to her? Must be my looks. Agh, if I didn’t look like that… Whenever they passed through a mirror or reflective surface they’d stare at themselves to see how they looked, whether they looked bad or decent. Never gave enough credit to themselves, sometimes not even believing Victoria when mentioning the beauty she was lucky enough to hold in her arms. Always something about being independent and not needing anyone to make them feel valuable due to their looks. Simple and plain stubbornness.

Victoria took not too long to notice how something was off with her lover. At first, she gave not too much attention to it, knowing how both missed each other and knowing how tired they were from work. But, as days passed by she could simply not ignore the situation anymore. She first saw something was off when talking to Y/N on the phone, seeing how they did not exactly respond to her jokes and comments as they usually would. Again, she wrote it off as tiredness, missing her, just as she missed them but it was far more than that. After a while they started cancelling some of their facetime call time, saying different things about having bad days at work and, although, she believed them does not mean she was not worried out of her mind. The more that kept happening the more Victoria kept stressing. Not few were the times she’d end up falling onto Damiano’s bed and almost crying with worry.

“Why don’t you tell them to take some time off? Reckon they said their boss owes them some time off work.” And he was right. The answer to the pair’s misery was there all along and she simply had not seen it.

Victoria wasted no time, rushing to get to her phone and arrange everything. Surprisingly enough, dealing with Y/N’s boss turned out to be the easier part of the whole ordeal. The real struggle coming to persuading them about it.

“Oh come one, cucciolo, I know you want to see me-”

“I do want to Victoria, but I can not. I have work.” Lies, lies, lies. They knew they were lying, work wasn’t their trouble in the moment.

“Dealt with! You have a few days of work. Your boss was surprisingly real nice about it.” They could practically hear the smile the beautiful woman wore on her face but they could not keep their response at bay.

“What?! What did you do?!”

“You sound unhappy…”

“I am not, but Victoria why did you do this before talking to me?”

“Because…” she sighed.

“You are tired, I miss you and you are stubborn. Plus, I wanted to surprise you. I thought it’s be a good surprise... Am I wrong?”

“No, no! It’s great. When is the ticket for?” Everyone knows Y/N can never say no to Victoria, even the girl knows of her partner’s weakness, targeting it with her adorableness at times in order to get them to do something like buy her fries or in this case take a break. But Y/N was not worried about Victoria’s influence on them, or rather not that influence. They were out of this world worried about how little time it was going to take Vic to see their insecurities, maybe she’d even agree with them, they thought.

The first night of being by Vic was pretty normal, just as it was back at home, full of cuddles and kisses and all the children shows and movies playing in the background while the bassist recited all her adventures to her lover.

“And Thomas just felt face first onto the pavement! Can you believe it?!” Y/N laughed lightly, eyes fluttering in an attempt to focus on the woman in front of them and head lazily hang on the pillow by the headboard.

“Are you feeling alright, amore?” She asked, voice soft as she caressed the other person’s cheek.

“Yes, love, just a bit tired.”

“It’s alright, let’s sleep. You had a tiring flight, I get it.” Y/N simply mumbled a thank you, kissing the blonde’s forehead before pulling her close in order to sleep.

Unfortunately, the momentary bliss did not last long. After being seen together people started talking and Y/N returned to the previous thought pattern, this time getting deeper into their insecurities. They felt like they were not enough for Victoria so, while trying to not be suspicious they started distancing themselves from her. They would avoid kisses, get away way to soon for both their liking, sleep early, sleep-in… No matter what they stayed away from too much interaction with Victoria, and she was getting sick of it.

Finding them walking down the hallway from the stairs to their hotel room, Victoria rushed to her partner, making sure to get in the room with them quickly, before they had the chance to hide away - again.

“You are ignoring me,” she simply stated, voice stern but never elevated.

“O-of course not, what are you on about?!” Voice was trembling and eyes were looking everywhere but the exasperated blonde.

“Yes -agh- yes you are! You were all over me when you came here, which I’m not complaining about, and then the next day you all but slept in the tab to avoid me! What is going on, Y/N?” The use of their name might have stung just a little bit, enough to make them talk. They always got worried when Victoria went all first name basis rather than cute pet names.

“I-” they hesitated for a second but the strict look on the woman’s face made them continue.

“People talk, Victoria.”

“About what? What does-”

“About us and you and me… It’s always how I am not a good fit and other things like that and maybe they are right.”

“You don’t seriously believe that, do you?”

“Of course I believe that! Look at you, Vic, you are perfect and me? Well, I am me.”

“And that’s exactly why we are together. Because you are you! Y/N, you being who you are is why I fell for you. Your little quirks, those strong characteristics you get insecure about are literally what make you who you are, that individualize you.”

“Really?” They asked with hesitation, fearing the chance of her lying.

“Of course, cucciolo. I love those things that make you different. Reminds me that there is no other one like you and it simply makes me longing for you more,” she praised while leaving kisses all over their neck.

“I simply love you.”

tag list: @bieberhoodforever @tabi-toast @ginny-lily @moriro-da-regina

#måneskin #måneskin fanfic #måneskin imagine #maneskin imagine #maneskin fanfiction #victoria de angelis imagine #victoria de angelis

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weirdlypersonalrpmemes · 4 years ago

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sentence starters: text posts i have saved, part 2. tw: bullying, death, decomposition, murder, nsfw, violence.

❝ “are you a boy or a girl?” im a god ❞

❝ i’m what the kids call really exhausted. i’m so tired. ❞

❝ inflation is honestly the strangest shit. like someone rn is thinking of getting blown up like a balloon and they’ve got a boner. ❞

❝ might fuck around and read a 600 page physical published book in one sitting like it’s 2006 and i’m being bullied in middle school so i take refuge in the library and inhale books at a frightening speed that i have not been able to replicate since ❞

❝ fellas is it gay to be straight? you’re literally attracted to people who are attracted to guys ❞

❝ my wife is struggling with her gardening and i go outside and ask is this guy bothering you and start punching the dirt ❞

❝ i dont know about you but i love using containers as mini garbage cans. i put the napkins in the cup and then i throw that whole shebang away. it’s like a little mini package of trash. it makes me feel crazy in love ❞

❝ i can hear my kid playing supermarket by herself and she’s telling all the customers that they are disgusting and they need to leave ❞

❝ gen v was so ambitious. the region was populated almost entirely with new pokemon, it introduced the first ever milf professor, komaeda was there ❞

❝ the worst thing yzma did in emperor’s new groove is hating on kronk’s spinach puffs. everything she did to kuzco is understandable because he’s been a dick to her so many times, but kronk is an innocent ❞

❝ second grade fire safety psa voice: now firefighters may look scary. firefighters look like the devil. when you see a firefighter, you might think, “aaah, this is a cyclops, like the one that killed my dad, and now it’s here to kill me too”, and you might want to kill the firefighter, ❞

❝ does anyone else get mischievous joy out of being nice sometimes? like “haha, i knew you were going to be hungry so i got you your favorite food so i can surprise you with it being ready when you get here GOT YOU” ❞

❝ lying is so funny. you just say shit that isn’t true. ❞

❝ why do bigfoot hunters try to lure him with a mating call? do they have a game plan for if a squatch comesbarreling toward them out of the woods full tilt with a raging boner? ❞

❝ manga lied to me. i never see bad boy types protecting stray kittens therefore revealing to me their soft side. its always me picking up the cats. ...maybe im the bad boy ❞

❝ heres something for you to think about: me ❞

❝ you can be positive and break a bottle over someone’s head though. multiplicity of identity. ❞

❝ my brains is so strong. holy shit another THOUGHT IS COMINGGGGG HHHH RAHHHHHHHHGHHGHGG ❞

❝ [you kill me but i clip through the floor so you can’t loot my corpse as my final act of revenge] ❞

❝ my kink is when people admit i was right ❞

❝ say this with me. manifest it. make it real. “i am not harmed by fire or explosives.” say that outloud. remember it. the only thing that’s stopping you is your own head. never stop grinding. ❞

❝ normalize being an awful person who kills people and likes it. normalize being an abhorrent piece of shit who lies cheats and steals. ❞

❝ oh to cook with my wife and stand directly in front of cabinets and drawers she needs to open ❞

❝ when the power went out i heard an explosion and my boyfriend was like “a transformer probably busted” and i deadass thought he meant optimus prime was out there nutting ❞

❝ people are always saying some things to me and well im SICK of it ❞

❝ your anger amuses me. please don’t find inner peace. please. ❞

❝ psyduck is probably like. the most achievable pokemon probably. like i don’t think i could teach a cabbage to grow legs and be a bulbasaur but there’s probably a certain threshold of mental torment i could subject a duck to that would make a psyduck ❞

❝ a favourite hobby of mine lately is rotting in my room ❤️ you should try it sometime. ❞

❝ who needs swag when you have class...ical music ❞

#sentence starters #rp meme #rp memes #ask meme #ask memes #inbox meme #inbox memes #mine #text posts i have saved

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pale-cheezit · 3 years ago

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Long post!!! Personal story- do you think this guy was being creepy or friendly??? Do you think he had any fucked up intentions???

So i have this seasonal job i work for the city every year during winter where i just sit and supervise the warming houses for the ice rinks at some of the parks around the city. It pays well and i dont have to do much and its a nice way to bring in extra money. Im usually working at nights until around 8 p.m (it gets dark around 5 this time of year) and often times, theres no skaters around, especially once it gets later into my shift. So im usually alone and theres not a lot of people hanging out at parks during this time of year. Ive always made sure to do all i can to stay safe and have pepper spray and shit on me. Ive had a few people say weird shit to me and had to kick kids out for being loud assholes when theres little kids and families around, but never anything alarming. The last year i worked this job was before the pandemic started and i think it was like one of my last shifts before it started getting too warm out and i had one alarming, red flag situation happen. BUT i still dont know to this day if it was a guy being friendly or being creepy. It was around 7 at night and i was alone and these 2 guys, probably late 20s, early 30s came in and they were normal and said hi to me and then went about getting their skates on and they went and played hockey for a bit. When they came in to get their stuff put away, one of the guys started asking me questions. He started asking fairly normal things like "so you get paid to just sit there?" And "how long are your shifts usually?" Which is stuff i get asked pretty regularly while working because people are surprised that the city actually pays someone to literally just sit there and supervise the building. Anyways, this warming house had like 2 rooms- with a sort of half wall in between. I was on one side and he was on the other so i couldnt see his face or anything during the conversation. So he starts asking me more questions like "are you usually alone when you work? Do your friends come to hang out with you?" "What times are your shifts?" "What time do you close?" "Do you always close at 8 p.m?" Yeah....very sketchy questions. So at this point, my brains going RED FLAG RED FLAG WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS HE ASKING ME THIS STUFF IS HE BEING FRIENDLY OR IS HE TRYING TO DETERMINE IF HE CAN COME BACK AND RAPE ME??? Sounds paranoid typed out like that but im a woman alone and unarmed in a fairly vulnerable situation, so yes my mind is gonna go there. So i immediately started lying and saying shit like "oh yeah, my friends are almost always coming to hang out. Im usually never alone like this. My boss comes to check on me all the time." Just trying to signal to this man as much as i can that im not completely alone and vulnerable. Eventually they left cause i dont think he was gonna try anything with his friend with him (thank god) but yeah, as soon as they left, it was still like 30 mins till the end of my shift but i packed everything away as quickly as i could and just got the fuck out of there. Because he knew what time my shift ended and i had no idea what was going through that guys mind and why he was asking me those creepy questions. I knew my boss would tell me to leave right away and that id be justified in doing so. Hes always very protective of the girls that work this job at empty parks at night like that and never wants us to feel unsafe or anything like that. Even if that guy had no weird intentions at all, i know i made a good choice in leaving right away and i would do it again in an instant if that happened to me again just cuz i trust my instincts and better safe than sorry and all that. So yeah, if anyones actually reading this, what do you think? Do you think this man was being "friendly" or do you think I was possibly in danger that night and he was actually fishing to see if he could come back and get to me?

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houseof-harry · 4 years ago

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Fuck You Too | G.D.

Part 2 of Hate You Too

A/N - surprise! why im posting so late, I couldn’t tell you but here we are. im so excited to share this part w y'all, and im currently obsessed with this whole story line at this point. pls lmk what you guys think!!!!! (and @vintagedolan is an amazing gifer and I will be using her gifs on everything I post but we knew I loved her from the start and anyways)

Word Count - 5.3k

Warnings - some nasty, some angst, nothing new

Kacey described it as a glow.

You hated that, because that made everything seem warm and magical and nice. That’s not what you were feeling, despite the new pep in your step.

But how were you supposed to tell Kacey you’d slept with her boyfriend’s twin that you despised and now you couldn’t stop thinking about it?

The worst part was everything was almost back to normal the next day. He was making rude comments, you were rolling your eyes, and you were flipping each other off by the time dinner came around all over again. But something felt a little different to you. The way his eyes shined a bit brighter when you caught him giving you a death glare, the way you thought about your late night activities with him whenever he flashed you his middle finger, a whole new meaning associated with the action.

You hated that he was giving you these new feelings. So you decided to hate him even more for it.

Luckily, since your mini vacation you’d been able to avoid seeing Grayson. And you thought you’d be able to continue that streak tonight. You and your friends were headed to your favorite bar for tequila tuesday. You didn’t typically participate in something that sounded like an excuse for a frat to throw down during the week, but between your constant thoughts of Grayson and your stress from heading back to work, you were in need of a midweek drink. Or ten.

So you got on your best top, your cutest jeans, your hottest shoes, and you made sure your hair and makeup were both perfect. Tonight was about distracting, about your “glow” becoming sweat from dancing with your friends, and maybe even having an actual excuse as to why you were less uptight because Kacey was getting way too suspicious for your liking.

When you first got there, your spirits were high. Your friends were quick to get some tequila in you, and before you knew it you had that warm feeling all over your body. You had hope, you were feeling good and loose, ready to forget everything that had been haunting you for almost two weeks.

But then the Dolans walked through the doors, and it was almost like you had this 6th sense they were there because the second Grayson was inside, your eyes met. You quickly moved your gaze elsewhere, anger already flowing through your veins alongside the alcohol that was continuing to fog your brain by the minute.

You hear Kacey greet Ethan excitedly, and turn your head to see her almost tackle him down. It makes you giggle to yourself because as much as you had wanted to hate them at first, they were cute as fuck. They almost made you want a relationship of your own. Almost.

“Already drunk?” The deep, and now familiar voice of Grayson comes from behind you, already way too close for comfort.

A scowl makes its way onto your face as you turn around, finding him almost directly behind you. You have to look up at him to see his face, and he looks plenty amused with how much he’s already gotten under your skin.

“Maybe. Does it matter to you?”

He shrugs casually, looking around and smiling at the rest of your friends before looking back down at you. “Not at all. Just something I’d expect from you.”

You scoff, rolling your eyes and pushing at his chest so you can step away from him. “Mind your fucking business, Dolan. I don’t even know why you’d come to a bar when you know you’re not gonna drink.”

“Oh, so I’m not welcome to hang out with you guys? That’s kind of mean, Y/N. Does alcohol make you mean?”

The teasing tone of his voice is only adding to your quickly building frustration as you take a large sip of your drink. “You haven’t seen mean from me yet.”

Before he gets a chance to respond, you walk over to Mila, a more than annoyed look on your face.

“Fuck that kid,” you mumble, finishing off the rest of your drink in a few gulps.

She laughs, shaking her head at you. “Easy there, tiger. You’ve already had four shots and two of those. You wanna be able to walk out of here by the end of the night?”

You roll your eyes, putting your empty cup on the table. “Fine, mom.”

“Damn, he’s been here for less than five minutes and you’re already a bitch,” she laughs, her eyes going to Grayson for a moment to watch him talk to Jas before she looks back at you.

“Can you blame me? He’s unbearable,” you whine, a pout on your lips. You feel a bit childish, but you couldn’t find it within yourself to care. Grayson was a nuisance. A nuisance with a big dick. But definitely a nuisance.

“I think you’re literally the only one who feels that way,” she responds, her eyes clearly raking up and down his body, and you turn to do the same. The tight black long sleeve shirt defines his muscles quite nicely, and his jeans follow the curve of his ass.

You shake your head to bring you out of your trance, knowing yourself too well. Tequila made you horny, and you refused for him to be the one you wanted to spend the night with.

“He’s shallow, condescending, and straight up rude. I don’t get how any of you even like him.”

“You’re the only one he seems to be like that too, though. I wonder why.” Mila grabs her chin, tapping her lips as she tries to think of a reason.

You can’t help the anger that bubbles right back to the surface at her statement, though. That’s all everyone tells you. He’s so nice, and cares about others, and he makes people laugh and is a good time overall. It’s just you that he isn’t nice to. And they love to remind you every time he comes up in conversation, which is more often than you find necessary. They seem to literally swoon over him. You wonder if he’s fucked them too, and that’s how he has a hold over all of them. Maybe he thought it was what would make you like him more, but it didn’t fucking work and you despised how much of a cocky ass he was about fucking you.

So you do what you do best, and find the most attractive man you can. It’s almost laughable how much he looked like Grayson. He was about 6 foot, dark hair, beard, tattoos all over his legs, defined muscles, almost a Grayson look a like. But not quite. And fortunately enough for you, he was easy to woo because he was dragging you out of the bar not even an hour later to bring you back to his place. You hoped he was a distraction enough, finally no Grayson in site to continue to ruin any type of fun you were determined to have.

***

You were grateful that your friends so regularly opened their homes to you. It led to many nights spent at their pools, in their living rooms, cooking in their kitchens, that all created new amazing memories for you to remember forever.

And that’s what you guys were all doing tonight. You were at Mila’s pool, floating around with everyone and going over your weeks to catch up. That’s when Mila asked about the guy you went home with, and you decided now was your moment to finally brag about the man from the bar. He didn’t make you cum as hard as Grayson did, but he got the job done and you’ll be damned if you don’t let everyone know.

To be honest, when Grayson heard you talking, for a moment he couldn’t even blame you for fucking the guy and being so proud about it. But then he remembered it was you talking, and he instantly felt his blood pressure rise.

“His hands were just so...big. And his hand print was bruised on me literally until this morning.”

All the girls around you giggle, ignoring Grayson's looming presence as he wafted in the water closer and closer, trying to seem as casual as possible with his back turned to you all.

“Oh my god and the way he just manhandled me, he picked me up without even batting an eye. It was fucking amazing.”

“Ugh, you’re really out here living the dream,” Mila sighs out, a pout adorning her lips.

“For real, Y/N, you gotta give us all the tips,” Jas adds, a knowing smirk on her face. You roll your eyes before looking at the other girls again.

Before you can respond with anything, Ethan is announcing dinner and the girls are dispersing. You decide to float around for a few minutes alone, wanting the space before you’re back at the dinner table with everyone.

“So he’s got nice hands?”

You jump and cover your mouth, fear shooting through your body for a moment as you turn to see Grayson in the water with you.

“Jesus fucking christ you dick. How long have you been stalking me?”

He rolls his eyes, sinking into the water so that just his neck and head are above it. “It’s a small ass pool, I’m not stalking you.”

You huff, looking over to see all of your friends starting to get their food and sit around the table that’s blocked by the fire pit. You could see them, but they could barely see you. “Aren’t you going to eat or some shit?”

“Aren’t you?”

“God you’re annoying.” You decide to move and float on your back, closing your eyes so you can do your best to ignore him.

“Bet he didn’t make you cum as hard as I did.”

You groan, clenching your fists as heated anger shoots through you. Of course he’s right, but he shouldn’t know it. “You’re such a fucking boy. Not everything is a damn competition. But, if it was, he won.”

For a minute you’re met with silence, and you think maybe he’s actually going to leave you alone.

“Liar.”

“Oh my god,” you sigh, shifting your body to be upright again. You’re met with his smug face, muscles bulging as his skin drips with water from the pool. For a second you think about how he definitely looks better than the other guy would dripping wet like that, but you shut it down real fast. “First, you need to put your ego in check. This may come as a shock to you, but you’re not some god on earth. Second, stop talking about this shit while our friends are here. They don’t need to know shit happened.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I definitely don’t want them knowing I slept with the fake ass princess of town. I’m just saying it’s a shame you think you’ll ever get better dick than mine.”

“You are such a fucking asshole. Like a grade A, picture perfect image of an asshole.” You start to swim to the edge, over his antics. Your patience for him is thin to start, and he’s pushed your buttons enough for you to need another two weeks of not seeing his stupid face. You reach for the deck, getting ready to pull yourself out when you feel two large hands grip your waist, forcing you to stay shoulder deep in the water. You couldn’t stand here, but he could.

“Running away from your problems, like always?” His voice is right in your ear and you’re sure if you shift your head just a tiny bit you’d feel his lips there as well.

“So you finally admit you’re a problem?”

He chuckles softly, his thumbs rubbing circles into your hips. “Maybe. But you’re not much better.”

You cock your head to move farther from his, almost as if you’re considering his words. “Maybe,” you mock him, your muscles tensing as one of his hands slowly moves to the front of your bathing suit. His fingers dip in, quickly finding your clit and getting to work. You hate that your body naturally responds as you relax like putty in his grip, your legs spreading. “But at least I don’t have to trap random girls in a pool with me to reassure my fat fucking ego.”

He bites his lip, temporarily ignoring your words and he continues to circle your clit. He listens to your quiet whimpers as you do what you can to stay silent, both for the sake of not feeding further into his pride and to keep your activities a secret.

Soon your chest is rising and falling quickly and you’re grateful you’re in a pool because there would be no other way to explain the drips of sweat on your hairline. You can feel the fire in the pit of your stomach slowly growing, spreading throughout your entire body.

“Interesting you think you’re a random girl,” he mumbles into your ear before removing himself completely from you.

You gasp, quickly coming back to reality as your orgasm fades into the past, watching him pull himself out of the pool next to you. It should honestly be illegal how good his back looked when doing that.

He looks down at you, annoying ass smirk and all with his hands on his hips as he watches you try to process everything that just happened. “Going to eat. Or some shit.”

And with that he leaves you alone in the pool, cheeks flushed, pussy clenching and a whole lot to think about.

***

“You’ve got the new dick glow girl, I’m telling you.”

“Oh jesus, Kace. It’s not even 9 in the morning,” you huff, sitting across from her at your table, breakfast in hand.

“You have been happier lately,” Ethan chimes in as he watches you begin to eat the vegan french toast he claims will change your world.

You take a bite, shaking your head. “That’s not a thing, and even if it were I don’t have it. Haven’t had dick in a week.”

Although that’s technically true, your mind can’t help but go to the pool from a few days ago. There was no dick involved, but it definitely made you flush a bit. There was definitely no glow, though. If anything it was from embarrassment that you let Grayson touch you again. Or, that’s what you tell yourself, at least.

“Well you’re acting like you’re getting dick every night. Was it so good you masturbate thinking about it every night?”

“Oh jesus christ.”

Ethan turns bright red as Kacey laughs and you rub your face in your hands. Her accusations aren’t wrong, but telling her would mean telling them that Grayson was the one haunting you while you laid awake, chasing sleep but his body, his hands, his everything wouldn’t leave you alone until you did something about it.

“Oh my god, is it the feelings glow? Do you like the guy?” Kacey continues to laugh, wiggling her eyebrows as you make a face of disgust.

“Absolutely not. I don’t want to date anyone right now, and I don’t know anyone who I’d be willing to give up my single life for. Ethan,” you turn to him pointing your fork at him. “Good luck, she’s fucking crazy today.” You stand, grabbing your plate and walking towards your room. “Now I need to get ready, so stop talking about my fucking glow that doesn’t exist.”

The couple wait a few moments to hear your music blasting before Kacey turned to Ethan.

“God, she’s got it for someone. Think it’s the guy from the bar?” She wonders aloud, watching Ethan inhale what’s left of the french toast he served himself.

He shrugs. “Dunno. What exactly is the ‘new dick glow’?”

“It’s when a girl starts getting dicked down, but like actually dicked down, not just by a guy who has a ten second stroke game. Whoever the guy is definitely fucked her right, because Y/N never gets the new dick glow. She hasn’t made a joke about guys not knowing where the clit is for almost three weeks, which might be a record.”

Ethan scoffs, looking down the hall and then back at Kacey. “I know where the clit is.”

Kacey laughs, leaning in to kiss his cheek. “I know, baby. That’s why I’m dating you. You gave me the new dick glow.”

He smirks, crossing his arm over his chest. “Fuck yeah I did.”

“But that’s why I wanna know who it is, because Y/N deserves to be happy with someone who makes her happy. The only reason she got defensive was because I’m right.”

Ethan nods in agreement, thinking to himself for a moment.

“Is there a guy equivalent to the new dick glow?”

“Well, any guy who likes dick can get the new dick glow.”

“No, I mean like would I have gotten a new pussy glow when we started fucking?”

Kacey sits back in her chair, running her tongue over her teeth as she thinks before shrugging. “I mean I guess. Any pussy to a guy is good pussy for the most part, though. It’d have to be a girl they’re really into to get a glow.”

Ethan hums, clearly lost in his thoughts. Kacey raises her brow, sitting up to grab her fork. “Why, do you think you got the glow when we started seeing each other?”

“Oh 100%,” he nods, resting his elbow on the table to put his head in his hand while he looks over at her. “But that doesn’t surprise me. I just think Grayson might have the new pussy glow.”

“Really?”

“Mhm,” Ethan nods, now even more confident in his conclusion. “He’s just been more energetic than normal, and he hasn’t mentioned how desperately single he is since our beach weekend.”

“Who’s he been seeing?”

“That’s the thing,” he huffs, the frustration clearly starting to build as he racks his brain to put the puzzle pieces together without success. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen anyone new, and when he’s talking to his new soulmate of the month he doesn’t shut the fuck up about her before he even knows her last name. But none of them have ever given him the pussy glow, not like this.”

“Wow, the odds Y/N and Grayson get the glow at the same time? Maybe they’ll finally be able to stand one another,” Kacey jokes.

“What if they’re fucking each other and that’s why they’ve got the glow?” Ethan laughs, shaking his head before continuing to eat.

Kacey laughs with him at first, but then her face falls when she thinks about it.

“You said Gray stopped complaining about being single after the beach weekend?”

Ethan nods, looking at her confused.

“That’s when Y/N stopped with the hating all men jokes.”

They both sit there for a moment, watching each other.

“Nah, there’s no way. Grayson can barely stand to be around Y/N for five minutes. There’s no way she could give him the glow,” Ethan speaks up first, shaking his head.

“Yeah,” Kacey sighs, a slight frown forming on her lips. “You’re right. Would kinda be the perfect love story, though.”

***

2:53 am.

That’s the time your phone says it is.

And somehow you’re wide awake, Grayson haunting your thoughts.

You’re not sure if it’s the exhaustion or the way he seems to consume every part of your mind and body that has you opening your messages with him. There’s only a handful of texts there, all of them short. Your last conversation with him was from when you were out with your friends, but Kacey and Ethan had too much fun too fast. They needed to get home, and being the best best friend, you willingly put your ego on the line by texting Grayson to come get them.

fine.

That one word was staring at you, mocking you almost from the screen, knowing that despite how much love Grayson has for his brother, he was still barely willing to do what you asked just due to the fact it was coming from you. It made a small pang of sadness shoot through you, but it was quickly overpowered by anger, and that anger was only heightened by the fact that his snappy attitude and the way he was able to get such a rise out of you made you so fucking wet.

You’re snapped out of your thoughts when you see the three dots pop up on the screen in front of you for a few seconds before they disappear. You hold your breath, unable to move from the anxiety of being caught staring at these messages looming over you for no reason. It was probably him trying to reach someone else and he didn’t realize he was typing to you.

But then they pop up again, and for almost a full minute before they went away again.

You lay there, waiting to see if he’ll actually say anything to you, but the three dots don’t come back. The time at the top of your screen says 3:01, and you can’t believe he’d even be up right now. Hell, someone probably had his phone and was trying to text you as a prank or something.

But fuck it. You wanted dick, his dick.

you up

You press send before you can think too hard about it, knowing if you let one brain cell evaluate your decision, you wouldn’t have done it.

As you read the message back to yourself, you see why. What kind of douche ass shit was that? That’s something you’d expect Grayson to send you, not the other way around. What were you going to say after he responds? If he responds. What would you say the next time you saw him if this didn’t go as planned? What even was the fucking plan?

As you continue to spiral, your phone dings and lights up in your face, his name popping up.

what do you want

You purse your lips together, surprised by his response. First, the fact he responded and also by the fact he didn’t totally dismiss you either.

But how the fuck do you respond to that?

You decide honesty is the best policy, and at this point there isn’t anything you could do too make things worse than they are because they are already so fucking bad.

thinking about your dick

Shit. You can practically feel his ego growing from your comfortable position under your sheets, even though he lives almost a half hour away. Maybe you should start consulting your brain cells after all.

did you just fucking booty call me 😂

Great. Just more fuel for him to add to the fire.

no. it was a text and i didnt ask you to come over.

thats a shame

You sit there dumbfounded, his response confusing you even more than every feeling he stirs up inside of you. Did he want to come over? Was he thinking about fucking you? Did he actually mean to try and text you before and pussy out?

Ethan and Kacey were at the guys’ house, leaving you alone in the apartment. Realistically, you could totally have him over for a quick fuck without them noticing, as long as he snuck out and back in without waking either of them up. Did you trust him to be able to do that? No. Did you care about that more than getting fucked?

guess im going to bed

A double text from the Grayson Dolan himself. Maybe you weren’t the only desperate one here.

what would you do if you werent going to bed rn

if it were up to me id come fuck you

gonna unlock my door. don’t let k or e hear

You throw your phone face down on the bed as you get up, slight panic running through you. This could quite literally be the dumbest thing you’ve done in a long ass time, and especially sober.

But there’s no time to harp on that, preparing for Grayson’s possible arrival taking the cake. So you get up, moving to the front door and unlocking it before rushing back to your room to get ready. You do what you can to freshen up, changing into just an oversized shirt for easy access, and cleaning up the room, doing what you can to make it as nice as possible. He’d never been there before, and you had no interest in him picking apart anything before getting to what you really want.

Just as you’re fluffing your pillows, you hear the front door open and shut. Butterflies explode in your stomach, nerves you’d been ignoring unable to hide deep within you anymore as you anticipate finally seeing him after what felt like so long.

You check the time on your phone. 3:33. Only a few minutes earlier than you thought he would get here.

You turn as soon as you hear your bedroom door opening. His wide shoulders take up the majority of your doorframe, his white shirt tight across his chest, and his casual stance making you practically drool. And you let yourself enjoy, taking in his athletic shorts that show he is definitely not wearing anything underneath and he is also definitely excited to be there.

He chuckles, crossing his hands over his chest. “Did you tell me to come here just to check me out?”

The minute you hear his voice, your eyes quickly meet his, and his gaze seems to be burning into you.

“Dunno. Do you know how to do anything besides stand there and look pretty?”

He rolls his eyes, making his way into the room and kicking his sneakers off as he gets closer to you. “You and I both know I can do a lot more than that.”

“You’re gonna have to remind me, then,” you hum, a smirk on your face as he finally grips your waist, pushing you gently against the bed so that you have to sit in front of him.

“That shouldn’t be a problem.”

Your hands come to rest on his biceps as he grabs your chin to lean down and kiss you. His lips are soft against yours, moving slower than you expected. The kiss is sensual, slow and hot as he makes sure you can feel every part of his mouth on yours. You bring a hand to his wrist, the sensation of finally having his lips on yours making your head spin. You’d missed it more than you’d like to admit.

He begins pushing your body down so you’re lying on your back, your shirt riding up your thighs and exposing the warm skin there. He rests his free hand by the side of your head to lean his body over yours, his knees resting on the edge of the bed in between your legs. You could feel his hard dick against your abdomen and you moan against his lips just at the thought of finally having him again.

He pulls away from your mouth for a moment, both of your breathing a bit more ragged than before as you look into each other's eyes for what feels like the first time. It’s pretty dark in your room, the lamp in the corner the only source of light, but you can still see all the different colors and emotions that seem to be dancing behind his irises.

You lick your lips and pull on his wrist to bring his face back to yours and he seems to hesitate for a moment before conceding, meeting your lips with his again for a moment before dragging them down to your chin. His kisses along the skin there are lighter and quicker, until he is finally trailing them down your neck and finding the spot there that makes you gasp.

He pays attention to this spot, kissing and sucking until you’re sure there’s a bruise there, but you can’t bring yourself to care.

While he focuses on your neck, he lets go of your chin to drag his hand leisurely down your body and to the hem of your shirt. His fingertips dance along the skin just below it, and you feel the goosebumps quickly forming in a trail behind them. He pushes the shirt up slowly, letting himself enjoy the feeling of your skin that hadn’t left his mind since the last time he had been able to touch it.

He grabs the collar of your shirt from the inside, his forearm pushing the fabric up to completely expose your body while also showing some new skin where your neck meets your chest. He lets his lips drag down there, and you let out a breathy sigh of contentment.

“So soft for me,” he mumbles, and you melt into the way his tongue feels against your skin, his hand moving from your collar to your chest and allowing his finger to brush over your nipple

“Grayson,” you mumble, eyes closed as you enjoy his soft touches, but the warmth coming from them is overwhelming. It was caring, gentle, even nice. That’s not what you need from him, though. Not when you’ve already been so confused.

“Hm?” He hums against your skin, licking over the dark spot there.

“Gonna put a pep in your step or what? Thought you came here to fuck me.”

He lifts his head at that, his eyebrows quirked as he looks at you confused. “No build up allowed?”

You huff, assuming he’s only acting this way to get a rise out of you. He wants to hear how ready you are from him, and at this point you don’t care because you want to get your shit rocked.

“I don’t need the buildup, that’s some romantic ass shit. You’d know I’m wet as shit if you touched me where I know you want to.”

You swear you saw disappointment rush over his features for a split second before they harden, his jaw tightening.

“I wasn’t being romantic, I was just doing what I always fucking do!” He stands from above you, backing away as he rests his hands on his hips.

You sigh before sitting up, assuming he’s just throwing a fit and will get over himself to finally do what you’ve both been anticipating.

“That was some soft shit, Gray. Last time you literally told me all the things you hate about me.”

He groans and mumbles under his breath as he closes his eyes to collect himself. You lean back on your hands, amusedly watching him try not to completely lose his shit.

“Do you always have to be such a fucking bitch?”

His words make the smirk fall from your face, and they cut way deeper than you’d expect. You can see from the look on his face that he’s not teasing you, he really meant what he said. You’re not sure if he expected an answer, but before you can think of anything rational, your anger takes over.

“I’d rather be a bitch than a fucking idiot?”

“Oh, so caring about people makes me a fucking idiot?” Grayson’s teeth clench, his skin still red as his fingernails dig into his palms.

“No, caring about you would make me an idiot,” you do your best to be as nonemotional as possible, pushing the anger that is aiming to match his down while ignoring the implication that he cares about you. Of course, anger is a secondary emotion, and the fear of actually caring for someone you’re supposed to hate is what’s triggered your fight or flight, but that’s something for you to work on alone. Or in therapy. But not with Grayson.

He scoffs. “You know what Y/N? Fuck you.”

He walks around the room, gathering the few things he brought with him before slamming your bedroom door.

You let all of the emotional baggage of the past ten minutes take over, tears quickly filling your eyes as you mumble, “fuck you too.”

Read part 3 here!

#Grayson dolan #Grayson Dolan blurb #Grayson Dolan concept #Grayson Dolan imagine #Grayson Dolan fanfic #Grayson Dolan fanfiction #Grayson Dolan smut #dolan twins #dolan twins blurb #dolan twins concept #dolan twins imagine #dolan twins fanfiction #dolan twins smut

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gracereadstoomanybooks · 4 years ago

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answering questions I’ve been asked on TikTok✨

QUESTION: how did you get into reading?

So, when I was in middle school (many moons ago) we had this thing called AR Testing. Basically, you read a book and take a test on it—the questions were things that happened in the book, it was really simple. If you got a good grade, you got points. The more points you earned, the more eligible you were for the reading party at the end of each semester. Me, being the nerd I am, got top of my class because I went through 8th grade level books like it was nothing. The librarian at my school brought me books from the high school to read since everything was easy for me, and alas, my addiction began. And now that I have adult money, it’s a true addiction. Also, telling my father “I’m bored” and his response being, “go read a book or something” so thanks dad.

QUESTION: what’s one book you ALWAYS recommend to people?

This one is tough because I’ve read THOUSANDS of books, but if I had to choose one, it would probably be Confess by Colleen Hoover. I fell in love with her work in high school when I first read Ugly Love, but Confess is the type of book that pulls at your heart strings, y’all. It has everything people love: humor, sexual tension, drama, love. GO BUY THE DAMN BOOK. Or honestly any book by Colleen Hoover—she’s a fucking amazing author.

QUESTION: outside of making TikToks, what do you do for a living?

I currently work at a restaurant and hate every second of it. If anyone tells you to become a server, DONT. It’s not worth the hassle, I promise you. Sure, you can make decent money but the amount of rude customers and shitty tips you receive each shift is very disheartening. If you really need a job, do anything BUT work in the food industry.

QUESTION: what’s your wattpad story about?

First question: which one? I have about 30 drafts sitting there waiting to be posted. But, I’m going to assume you’re talking about the Harry Styles fan fiction I’ve been working on for the past 4 years and haven’t had the courage to post. I’ll tell you a little about it: Elaine Aldridge is forced into a betrothal to a man she’s never met & loathes. She goes to his court and realizes things aren’t what they truly seem. And the guard her future husband sticks on her??? None other than Mr. Harry Styles. Add in some magic & deaths and you’ve got my story— The First Prince. (Honestly, that’s an extremely shitty description so if you wanna check it out go to my wattpad account)

QUESTION: how old are you?

Ahem. . . twenty-one.

QUESTION: what is your dream career?

Being a published author and having people rave about my books. That’s all. Or, an editor for a publishing company. Imagine reading all day and being paid for it🤩

QUESTION: what was your least favorite read of 2020?

I already KNOW I’m gonna get shit for this but....... the wicked king. YALL I LITERALLY COULDNT GET THROUGH IT IM SO SORRY, I STILL HAVENT FINISHED IT

QUESTION: current favorite author?

Sarah. J. Maas. I don’t know what it is about her writing style, but it’s addicting. Throne of Glass is hands down the best series I’ve ever read. A Court of Thorns and Roses is the first book I’ve EVER reread. Her stories truly suck you in and hold onto you—you get lost so easily in her writing and it��s like once you’re done with a series, nothing will compare. Or, at least that’s how I felt after finishing Kingdom of Ash. Honorable mentions: Jennifer L. Armentrout, Penelope Douglas, L.J Shen, Elle Kennedy and Kennedy Fox.

QUESTION: any recommendations/tips to give to a new reader?

I’ve always given this advice to people who want to get into reading: find what you like and start with that. If you like romance, I’ve got a list for you to choose from. Mystery? Another list. Sci-fi? I GOT YOU. Fantasy? Yes! Sports fiction? It might take me a second but I’ll find you a book. Nonfiction? I’m zero help in that category, honestly. The point of the matter is that you’re never going to enjoy a book if you aren’t interested in the underlying topics.

QUESTION: do you ever find yourself comparing your life to fictional life?

Yes. All the time. I daydream about being apart of the Inner Circle and living in Terrasen with Aelin and Rowan. I think about what it would be like to have real powers and a mate. It drives my boyfriend crazy—but he loves me anyway.

QUESTION: what are your most anticipated books of 2021?

Here’s a list:

A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas

The Crown of Gilded Bones by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Gods and Monsters by Shelby Mahurin

Crescent City 2 (Untitled) by Sarah J. Maas

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer (I just ordered this one & it arrives tomorrow)

Blessed Monsters by Emily A. Duncan

QUESTION: why did you start a Tumblr?

Honestly, I used to love tumblr when I was in grade school (way too young to be on here then but what else is new). I like having an extra space to get my questions and comments out without having to compress it into a 60 second video for TikTok to see. Tumblr is a good place to blog & post things like this.

QUESTION: what’s your favorite song right now?

I’ve listened to Carry You by Novo Amor every day for the past two months and I cry each time.

QUESTION: why write Harry Styles fan fiction?

Simple: I love Harry Styles. I’ve been a fan of him and One Direction since they were on X FACTOR. Read that again. X. Factor. I used to watch their performances on YouTube before WMYB even came out. Of course, I love all of the 1D boys but I was always a Harry gal. And I look up to him in a way—I’ve read things about people wishing they knew him personally and honestly? I would never want to meet him. I like the version of him I’ve cooked up in my brain over the past 10 years. I like the symbiotic relationship I have with his music. Fine Line is a ✨masterpiece✨. HS1 is a ✨work of art✨.

now, some topics I’ve been asked way too many times and want to finally get to:

QUESTION: political views?

the saying “anyone but trump” has been in my brain for the past four years. No, I’m not a republican. No, I’m not a democrat. I like to think of myself as a progressive (ahem, liberal) Did I vote for a democratic candidate? Yes, and I’d do it again and again until the US isn’t one of the worst countries—I’m sorry, businesses— to be apart of. I wanted Bernie but got Biden, and I’m alright with that. And my girl Kamala🥳

QUESTION: how did you feel about the BLM protests?

I went to multiple BLM protests and donated a lot of funds to BLM & other organizations. It’s 2021, people... stop being fucking RACIST. And don’t be afraid to call racist people out! Black Lives Matter, even if no one is posting about it anymore.

QUESTION: thoughts on abortion?

your body your choice, queen! not my uterus, not my problem.

QUESTION: there was a comment on an old video of yours talking about r*pe, why did you delete the comment?

I made a video when I first started my account on TikTok about reading in public and feeling “turned on” by it. Go watch it if you don’t know what I’m talking about. BUT, some ignorant male decided to comment and say “this is how girls get r*ped”. Whew. So. I deleted the comment because ....

I am a victim of sexual assault. Along with a lot of other women. 1 in 5 women have been victims of sexual assault. Talking about being r*ped isn’t funny.

No one else needed to see his comment. I reported it immediately and his account was shut down.

I never got justice for what happened to me, and the fact that some random male—who had never even met me or seen me before my video showed up on his FYP—had the nerve to comment that? Unacceptable.

this question isn’t as controversial but

QUESTION: what’s the best way to get out of a toxic relationship?

okay, let me just start off by saying that the people around you who love and support you are going to be your backbone. Leaving a toxic situation is hard, and every situation is different, but my best piece of advice to offer you is don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your loved ones are going to be there for you when you need them, even if you don’t believe they will. If you explain what’s happening, someone you know and love will drop whatever it is their doing to make sure you get out safely. good luck my babes.

now, back to our regularly scheduled program:

QUESTION: any tips on making tiktoks?

Literally none. I post what I think is funny and relatable and if anyone agrees, I’m satisfied. Even if it’s one view, it’s good enough for me. So I guess my one tip is to not base your life off of an app and followers.

QUESTION: favorite Harry Styles fanfic?

DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE. Duplicity is up there, along with Stall 1&2, and Kiwi. After? Absolutely not.

QUESTION: favorite WEBTOON?

y’all already KNOW. LORE OLYMPUS BY USEDBANDAID. Rachel is a genius and I have reread the series a million times. Hades is my soulmate and Apollo can rot in the fiery pits of the Underworld. also, if we’re talking about other webcomics, reading Walk on Water on mangadex...🤫

QUESTION: favorite movie?

Howls Moving Castle. I will be getting my “a heart is a heavy burden” tattoo very very soon.

QUESTION: I read your Elain theory on tumblr, can you explain a little more?

I thought I was pretty straightforward but I’ll say it again: she is always the “good” one and it’s too suspicious. SJM has already given one Archeron sister a happy ending, Nesta’s is obviously inevitable, but Elain? She has too many options for a happy ending. Lucien, who is her “mate”. Azriel, who is intrigued by her slightly. Her human guy—I don’t remember his name—who is disgusted that she’s not human anymore. Or, alone, planting flowers all day. BUT! My point is that she’s not truly happy. She was forced into the Cauldron just like Nesta. She was ripped away from the life she loved so dearly and didn’t want to give up. The man she was going to marry now hates her guts because she’s a High Fae. She has the perfect set up for a villain plot line and I’m all here for it.

well, that’s all I feel like doing tonight. hope you enjoyed my little q&a! be kind, and talk to you later! byeeee!

#a court of silver flames #acotar #harry styles #one direction #sarah j maas #throne of glass #wattpad #tiktok #elain archeron #howls moving castle #lore olympus #q&a time #walk on water #persephone #lore olympus hades

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enchantedpendant · 4 years ago

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throwback to my closest brush with death

december 2018, i was in that green bus.

the landslide happened at just a few minutes past 12AM. it was pouring and there had been horrible traffic. i was asleep and at first i just thought “holy fuck what kind of massive pothole did we just drive through?” but when the bus fucking tilted i knew that wasn’t it and that woke me up. the bus, held up by the unfortunate orange truck underneath, was barely hanging on the trees (below was an infinite cliff, not pictured). some people outside helped and smashed one of the windows for us to climb outside, and we had to do that quick bcs the truck and the bus could just roll down the cliff at any moment. i was there with 5 other girls, all barely young adults. my foot got fucking stuck bcs i had the brilliant idea of wrapping my bag straps around my leg before going to sleep like i thought if anyone was gonna grab my bag that would wake me up, but turns out my bag got stuck underneath the seat in front of me and it took some time and fucking effort bending my body to grab it, but i sure as hell wasn’t gonna leave without my bag (my skincare products!). my phone was safe because i had headphones on so the wires kept me aware of where my phone was (i had Joji’s Slow Dancing in the Dark on repeat). i kicked off my shoes before going to sleep so by then they were lost to the tilt of the bus (those were my favorite pair of shoes, gifted to me by my aunt. i still mourn its loss). by the time i freed my leg my friends were fucking gone. i climbed out the window and up the cliff with my wet socks and got some minor wounds on my hands (thankfully none on my feet tho, somehow i managed to not step on any shards in the dark). i remember a boy handing me a bun that had fallen out of my bag, that was nice, though i sure as hell wasn’t going to eat that bun anymore.

by the time i got up the cliff i was drenched, the traffic had gotten worse as all these vehicles tried to turn away from the landslide but that was just impossible so no one could move. the bus passengers were all running, i’m pretty sure they (like myself) had no idea where to run, it was fucking dark, but we just had to run. there was this woman with me, we stopped by behind a minitruck that had a canopy for some shelter from the rain, until the people on the back of the minitruck (also passengers of the bus, at least some of them, i assume) offered us a spot, so we climbed up. nearly all of them were middle-aged men, some a bit older, and strangely enough, i have never felt as safe in the company of a bunch of unknown men as i did that time (on a fucking random minitruck, as well. they could’ve fucking kidnapped me and sold my organs or what and i could’ve had no way out). i even made some conversation with them! but then i realized “oh shit, i should let my parents know that i’m okay, before they find this out from the news and lose their shit like they could literally get a heart attack,” like that’s not gonna help anyone, so i thought of giving them a call... but then the woman beside me was on a call as well, and she was wailing. and there was no way i could keep my parents calm when they could hear her cries, so i sat there and patted her back and waited for her to calm down. i called my dad first (bcs he was the more easily panicked type who i fear could fall over with a heart attack) but he didn’t pick up. a few times after that i called my mom and she responded (and i remembered that my mom was always the night owl, like myself).

“hi mom, is dad asleep?”

“yeah, why?”

“i called him but he didn’t pick up. anyways, listen. i’m okay.”

“??? yeah?”

“there was a landslide so now we’re on our way back.”

“oh, okay.”

that was the gist of it. tbh i was like “holy shit??” my mom was way calmer than i expected lol but that was good. so i went back to some casual conversations with everyone else on that minitruck (i noticed there were stacks of vegetables there as well).

some time after that some voices started calling out at me. i might have even missed it if the old man beside me didn’t point it out. with the slowest possible pace, the minitruck had finally driven past my friends who were standing by a quite large wooden shack by the road for shelter (along with many other people who i assume are also the bus passengers). so i climbed down the minitruck and reunited with my friends. they were on the phone with some of the guys in our year and they told them that they had found me (apparently they’ve told the guys that i had gone missing, and like i was always the baby of the group, in a way? like i guess that was to be expected since i was younger than everyone else, but anyways, they got the guys freaked out as well). they handed me the phone and i laughed and told the boys something along the line of “yeah i was on a minitruck filled with vegetables going on a snail pace chatting with some random old men” and one of them kept repeating “??? you’re laughing?? are you nuts???”

then the guys were like “do you want us to go there and pick you all up with our motorcycles?” which was charming, but a very careless idea bcs it was far, a route up the hills, at midnight, with heavy rain, so we said no to that. some time after that (im not sure what happened?) but we got our hands on some saline so we helped everyone to it. a few hours after that they told us they had gotten some vehicles to ride back to our city, including a bus identical to the one we were just on, to which we were like NAH and they offered us a minitruck, though it took more walking to reach. by then my feet were fucking sore bcs the thin wet socks were just sad and not “climbing up hills, walking on rocks” appropriate. and then we were ready to go, but then we found out that a senior had actually driven his way to where we were and we couldn’t just leave him. pretty sure his battery ran out or something so we lost contact with him for a while. pretty sure one of us tried looking for him and we lost her for some time as well. pure confusion pt.2. by the time we were finally ready to go back, it was 3AM, tbh i thought more time had passed. bcs it was a minitruck and there were some other passengers as well, namely paramedics, only one of us could sit inside - they let me have the seat :( probably felt bad for me and my sore little feet and my smol body and like i said i was always the baby of the group lol. though i lowkey feel like they must’ve had some fun out there, with the splashes of rain and the cold 3AM wind... or maybe not.

anyways then we got back at the city, at the pick up point of the travel service. waited some time before my parents finally came to pick me up. they were confused. “where are your luggages?” “why did you leave your shoes?” i was confused. turns out they didn’t realize that - it wasn’t just “there was a landslide” - our bus got fucking hit by that landslide and got pushed off and nearly rolled down an infinitely deep cliff. turns out i did a better job in sounding calm through the phone than i expected. i kept quiet tho, not gonna give my dad a heart attack while he was driving, though after some time it looked like things started to click in my mom’s mind. by the time we got back, my dad went back to bed soon after, and my mom came into my bedroom and was like “...so.... what actually happened?” and i told her everything. “i knew you losing your shoes was weird. you couldn’t have just left them.” to which i responded “now ik why you sounded totally unbothered on the phone!” i was like “what did you think it was?” she went “well you mentioned that there was a landslide? so i thought it blocked the road? and that was it??” the adrenaline kept me from falling asleep for the rest of that night.

the next morning my dad came up to me and held up his phone and went “?????? this???? this happened???? you were in that bus???? what???” and showed various pictures of the bus (including the one i posted above) “???? that cliff is very deep you know???? look?? your bus is so far down???” like he was grinning but it visibly broke his brain LOOOOL and he asked my mom “did you know??? what??? ?? was it just me?? i didn’t know???” and calls started coming from the family and my parents had to go like “aha yeah that happened but she’s ok lol she sounded totally ok on the phone so we didn’t even realize”

and then i took a picture of my ruined manicure. i had it done literally just the day before smh.

#NOBODY ASKED BUT #i was just reminded #dani's life #landslide

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mashup-writing · 4 years ago

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ello luv i am in fact feeling a bit shy so i here it is

ryujin x reader where y/n is yuna’s older sister that just got back from travelling the world for the past few years and is planning on surprising her sister with her return. yuna and her sister have a very close relationship that matches that of best friends so naturally they have been keeping in contact a lot while y/n was abroad. the reader is a very spontaneous person that likes living on the edge and has a passion for adventure. thats why she decided to go see the world instead of going to university or getting a boring ass job, lets just say its not exactly her first choice of lifestyle. y/n may have not been there a lot to support her sister’s idol career in real life but that didnt keep her from being yuna’s biggest fan, always rooting for her at the other side of the world. yuna talks about y/n and y/ns experiences to the members (sometimes they have a hard time believing if u are real or if yuna is making this sister thing up), same goes the other way around where she talks to u a lot about her friends and busy life. u guys are always there for eachother and yuna still always goes to u for advice to hear ur perspective and cus of ur groundedness. #proudandsupportivesisters

anygays flash forward to u surprising her after one of itzy’s performances where she almost died of a heartattack and quite literally JUMPED u. the rest of itzy watching the scene unfold with a puzzled look on their faces, not knowing what was going on or who u were till it clicked. them just looking at the goofy display of affection shared between two crackheads (something that definitely runs in the family) AND THEN our dear ryujin comes into play. my oh my the poor thing has no idea whats coming for her. the moment yuna introduced u to her members ryujin had gay panic and was also like HOW IS THIS PERSON RELATED TO YUNA?!?! she was in awe and her poor gay brain was silently panicking so much she didnt hear u greet her till she got nudged in the side by yeji who already had an idea of what was going on in ryujin’s head. she wasnt the only one tho. ever since u saw them perform a few moments ago u were entranced with ryujin the second they stepped on stage and u couldnt keep ur eyes of her. luckily u were way more discreet than our useless lil lesbean. okay so then it goes on with u being in the picture more and hanging out with itzy a lot and taking care of the little baby of the group which consists of annoying her non-stop while working a temporary job in order to be able to travel again for a while. ryujin and u getting along the best and actually becoming very quick friends because of shared interests and same type of humor (also with huge crushes on eachother everyone but u guys notice). so expect some teasing and meddling from the girls to which both always react obliviously. also a lot of playful flirting between the two of u. and then one day after ur flirty banter u went to help some of the girls in the kitchen or something and thats when yuna (suddenly serious) confronted ryujin about liking her sister and that it was evident that she liked her back and then giving the typical sibling talk “if u hurt her i hurt u” bla bla okay thats it

u may do with it what u want

i know its a bit long thats because ive been sitting on it for quite a while now but im not qualified enough to really make it into a fic and ive read ur works and they are so awesome so i thought that maybe just maybe u could really bring this story to life

so yeah it would certainly be a big honor to read it when u decide this idea worthy enough of ur time

thank u so much in advance

Hey there! I posted half of your request. I'm so sorry if you wanted it to all haooen in one go but I felt as if the post was getting a bit too long, so I decided to split it into two parts. 💙

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oikaw-ugh · 4 years ago

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hi leia, i saw your post abt a matchup and here i am to request for one (if it's open tho!!) HAHAHAHA you probably know me so well already because we chat almost everyday jdksjsk but i'll add some general things lang: im shy and awkward at first but when i warm up to you, i bring out my chaotic side (wow remember those 20 qs we did? HAHAHA iconic) default mode: a chill homebody, but if you successfully drag me to a fun place (like amusement parks) i'll be grateful to u forever :> +

HALLO, DILAAAAG ✨ I HAD FUN DOING THISSSS MY BRAIN WENT *snap*

I match you up with...

Me✨

CHOS! My other choices were Lev and Goshiki but I match you up with...

Tanaka Ryūnosuke (◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。

Mainly because Tanaka screams Pinoy vibes to me.

But also because he's so spontaneous and I feel like you love spontaneous people! (Kasi when you react to my replies minsan napakabongga HAHAHAHA)

Also, kasi I know you're shy (if 'di mo pa close) + he's shy when it comes to girls, too! THE DYNAMICS SPEAKS-

Let's throwback during your college freshman year.

You're a transfer student who just seemed so lost in the sea of people.

Plus the fact that you're not from Japan (assume lang tayo Dilag wala namang bayad mangarap HAHAHAHAH) just screams: a n x i e t y ✨

Well, you weren't the only one who's anxious though...

"E-Excuse me?"

You look to your right only to see a semi bald guy with a constipated face. His ears are so red + his lips look funny.

You who is anxious as well: "Ha?"

He shows you his card and like asks you if you knew where these classrooms are.

And you literally cried because you're classmates with almost (almost) all of his general subjects!

Tanaka brightens with this and like, suddenly his awkwardness is gone!

"Do you want to go to our first class together?"

Rumor has it that Tanaka knew where his classes were. He just wanted to talk to you :>

This approach has been mastered, honed, and consecutively developed for three years alongside with his humble partner, Nishinoya

Since you're classmates at general subs, it's given that you seat with each other.

I think your friendship started the moment Tanaka approached you on the opening ceremony.

But it developed when classes started. Tanaka started sharing that he was a volleyball player during high school and like, he was the best and he was the greatest and sorts.

You're just there nodding at him, completely in awe bc WOW an athlete. You're friends w an athlete.

He learns that you're not a Japanese, too! And when he immediately knew you're a Filipino, the first thing he blurts out is:

"TANGINA"

THIS GOT YOU WHEEZING. Because of that, you jokingly slapped his arms, "Huy, Tanaka!" While laughing

He apparently knows a couple of phrases because he plays online games like DOTA and stuff.

By phrases = we mean curses

But this isn't one-sided! You told him you knew Japanese (let's say you're not fluent yet) and you learned from the best: anime

Tanaka: Really? Try telling me a phrase then.

You: ちんこぱだいすき.

Kidding. That's on me. I'd definitely say that. Also, I'm not sure with the hiragana characters, forgive me.

ANYWAYS, TANAKA GOES RED BECAUSE OF THIS AND LIKE, HE LOOKS AWAY AND LIKE "W-What are you saying?!" And stuff.

Then you laugh because he becomes a mess.

I think the confessing part is the hardest.

Because Tanaka is just a huge m e s s when it comes to girls! While you're too scared to confess because what if he doesn't like you back?

Both of you are like, trying to balance whether it was worth the risk or nah

Karasuno squad is just like, groaning everytime Tanaka called them for advice.

Like, Suga: Jesus Christ, Tanaka. Just confess already.

Tanaka is like: But what if it doesn't work out? What if she only sees me as a friend? What if-

Tsukki: What if someone else takes her away?

Tanaka:

Tanaka: *angry mom noises*

I feel like imagining you dating was his strongest drive to confess!

He wants to confess in classical way, though. You know, he gives a message asking you to go to the sakura tree at the left side of the campus at 5 o'clock.

Only that that won't work since you're both college students and you have the messiest schedules.

You on the phone (while on your way to a class): Look, Tanaka I thought I'm free at 5. Turns out I'm not. What is it that you want to tell me?

Tanaka on the phone: it's... it's just that I want to say I like you.

You: 👁️/////👄/////👁️

Dates: ARE COOL

He loves how you're just good to go to places he mentions you.

Tanaka: I found this coffee shop where we can play with snakes.

Karasuno team would normally think he's being creepy but you were like:

"OMG I WANNA SEE THAT"

But kids, please don't play w/ snakes-

Favorite activity would be CHIKA TIME! Tanaka learned this phrase from you.

And like, you two would sit somewhere, cafeteria, library, etc. and would just start dissing other people.

Tanaka: I bet you those two are about to break up.

You: Yeah. Just look at their faces.

You love taking pictures, asking for his hoodie, clinging arms with each other while walking and stuff.

He also loves to place his arm on your shoulders? Like as if you're bros?

Domestic dates, too! Especially that you're far away from your fam, Tanaka invites you to his house most of the time.

*whisper* Something...steamy happens?

N o because Tanaka drinks his respect woman juice and he thinks too highly of you for him to do that!

Respect juice contents btw: he supports you, the things you want, the clothes you wear, and he treats you like an equal! (Not some sort of material he possesses wedontdosexismhere)

Kisses can happen thoughhh but rarely because you two would go crazy with the uwu after.

You're so frequent at his place to the point that Saeko loves you and literally bonds with you more than Tanaka when you're at their place.

If it's the other way around, Tanaka is sooooo stiff when he visits your place.

He's never been to a girl's house before!

You: Tanaka, make yourself feel at home.

Tanaka: ᶜᵃⁿ ᶦ ˢᶦᵗ ᵃᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ʳᵘᵍˀ

Fights happen too.

I feel like Tanaka is a jealous type.

The first time Tanaka got jealous, you found it cute.

But when it happened over and over again, that got you mad.

It might start with jealousy but it ends up turning serious like:

"Do you not believe in me?"

"I can't believe you said that."

"You think I'd do that to you?"

"Is that what you think of me?"

And like the other party would be speechless but you guys would be too heated and too prideful to apologize on the spot.

The reason why the following days would just be a season of you both ignoring each other.

But don't get me wrong. You still do things together. Like eating lunches together, sitting at one another, going home together but just no talking.

Like no talking at all!

I feel like Tanaka is the first one who gives in. He hates it when he couldn't talk to you. At first, he calls his friends and their words make him realize that:

"Ah, shit. I fucked up." -Tanaka at 3 AM.

You both fix things up eventually. Like, before you knew it, one of you would just casually approach the other as if you haven't ignored each other for a week.

HSJSJSJSJ I hope you like it dilaggg! And tell me if I'm accur8 or naaaaah HAHAHAHAHHA

#match ups #leia answers <333 #haikyuu matchups #dilag✨✨✨#haikyuu imagines #haikyuu #haikyuu tanaka #tanaka ryuunosuke #tanaka x dilag #Tanaka x justine

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lovelybrittxo · 5 years ago

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where do I even start?

I’m literally only writing this for myself since typing a whole novel out on the computer is way easier than writing this in a physical journal which is what I normally do. I come to Tumblr though when I have way too much to say and don't know how to say it. I just need to get it off my chest before I blow up. so here it goes...

shall we start at the beginning? I grew up in a decently religious household. my mom, sister and I went to church almost every Sunday with all our aunts and uncles. don't get me wrong, I still believe in God and whatnot and I wouldn't change my upbringing in the church for anything. but it may have suppressed my views on the world. something my aunt said to me a few years ago has stuck to brain ever since and I can't seem to shake it. she told me that she actually believes that being gay is a sin and that you can love the sinner but not the sin. so like, she believes if you're gay, you can be gay but don't act upon it/the sin. she believes, for example, that being trans is a mental illness. like, I just can't wrap my head around that. and honestly, she spoke with so much conviction and “sense” that she actually had me fooled to think the same way for a hot second. and then to learn that my other “cool” aunt also believes this... kinda sad. both of those aunts have literally talked down upon family (and our family is very tight knit) and people they love... what would they do if they ever found out about me?

ive felt a lot of feelings ever since I was young. mostly towards males... but also towards females. I just thought the female part was me wanting to be like them or be their friend and just have them like me and accept me as a chill person to be around. but fast forward to a couple years ago. I was bombarded (in a good way) by social media flaunting (in a good way lol) different sexualities and things. its hard to describe but that “world” was just becoming more prominent to me I guess.

I started to try and put my religious upbringing in the background so I could focus on trying to figure out who I really was. ive been doing this for at least a couple years now. and although im still trying to really figure it out, right now half way through 2020, I think im getting closer to an answer. and guess what has helped me the most? tiktok lmao! no but for real, the internet is an amazing place for discovery in any form. after I started to get into real communities online (like kpop and penpaling) i’ve never felt more connected to the internet and it allowed me to try and find real personal help... if that makes any sense. i’ve just tried to put myself out there and not just google my feelings but piece together a map from asking real people over the Internet here and there to try and figure out who I am.

sometime last year (or maybe earlier) I found a YouTube video of a popular creator retelling her coming out story. I just randomly commented on the video about how I had been feeling, not to get a reply but just to comment. but then I actually got a real reply (not from the creator but still a nice person). they said something along the lines of me basically being bicurious. I had never in my life heard of such a word and I had thought that this person was just making it up. one google search later I found out it was a real thing. although at the time of first looking it up I was still very confused about the word... still kinda am? lol. however, just a couple weeks ago I had seen a post somewhere (an ad I think selling pride flags) saying there was an official bicurious flag. I was in shock. I thought it was a scam, but its not, it’s real (I just don't think it’s talked about very often cause it doesn't seem like a solid sexuality that you can claim your entire life). but anyway.

now what i’m gonna say next I don't want to come off in the wrong way (you nonexistent person reading this lol), but I feel like dating a trans person brought me into that “world” a bit more. like, i had literally never met anyone who was trans before him or anyone who was gay or used a they/them pronoun... never. but in his world, all of that was common and normal. and this is where I don't want to come off wrongly... I don't wanna make it seem like because I dated a trans person i’m qualified to be included in the LGBT community now or to talk about LGBT stuff or whatever. I just think because I dated him, it opened up my shallow world a bit. especially because he’s open about it (on a side note I always loved looking at his huge trans flag above his bed. that was the first flag I had really ever memorized because of him. besides the rainbow one obviously lol). like, his best friend uses they/them pronouns, and although i’ve always been aware of that, i’ve only ever seen things about it through YouTube videos and whatnot. I had never had to actually use those pronouns for anyone I knew in real life until I met his best friend. like, everything I knew about that “world” had only been through online researching/consuming. i’d never experienced it in real life before.

I remember one night we talked about it a little. I knew he was bisexual and so I asked him if he’d ever dated a guy. he asked me if I would ever date a girl and i just said that I had always thought about it and that my tinder profile was set to find both genders. then we talked about pride since it was at the beginning of quarantine and we didn't know if parades were still gonna happen or not yet. he said I could always go as an ally because I told him I felt ashamed and like I shouldn't be allowed to attend a pride parade. (of course he reassured me I can go and he wasn't shocked about me liking both genders at all...he just said ‘nice’ lol)

I still have a little inkling in the back of my mind that I still shouldn't be able to attend though. honestly because I don't know what I would be attending as. I feel like an imposter. I don't want people thinking that im doing all this for attention or just because I dated one person in the LGBT community. i’ve been struggling with this for so long... but it just so happens that now at 27 years old im coming to terms with who I am. I just feel like because I didn't figure it out earlier that I’m not “worthy” of being included. I feel like such an outsider because no one’s “invited” me in yet lol because im still trying to figure it out.

and on the same note, I don't feel like i’m worthy because I still really don't have a solid answer. at the moment I just use bicurious because ive never dated a girl before. the trans guy ive been talking about has been the only person i’ve ever been romantically involved with. im serious. I made it 26 years without being with anyone in any type of way. I feel like I don't have the right to call myself bisexual. however, I feel a tiny bit more confident in using that label maybe after I do end up dating a girl in the future and not feel guilty about using it because that same guy calls himself bisexual but told me right out one day that he’s way more attracted to girls than guys and im in the same situation but opposite. the only difference at this point in time is that he’s dated both and I haven't. but thennnn on the other hand, do I even need to label myself at all right now??

even if I did wanna come out, I don't wanna do it until I really have a solid answer about my identity. i just feel like such a fraud or something because im trying to figure it out so late. and like, im going so over the top with my support this year because I feel like I should fit in and maybe im trying too hard? again, I just don't want people thinking its because I dated one trans guy and all of a sudden im huge into the LGBT community. it’s not like that. all of this is just helping me bring out my true self. ugh this is the part where it gets confusing to put into words. i’m aware and I have pure intentions. im just trying to figure out myself after a long time of trying to figure out myself lol

some days the research is overwhelming. there's so many facts and opinions and different people’s stories and labels. as crazy as it sounds I just want someone who’s been gay their whole life to come up and tell me “yup, your bisexual no doubt” lol or something like that. I guess I just want to be validated in my exploration. and i’ve seen random tiktok comments saying stuff like that, that validates me, but the difference is that their comments aren’t directed specifically to me. they don't know me personally. it’s hard to have a random social media comment resonate with me. honestly, and this may sound selfish and not right, but when I was talking to the guy I was seeing, I almost wish he just told me straight out what I was that day. but instead he said I could go to Pride as an ally. and that was probably just him being respectful and not forcing me to be anything, but it almost had the opposite effect on me. by saying I was an ally it felt like he was giving me that permanent label even after telling him I like guys and girls.... ya know?

something recently happened to me that really stuck with me and I was so happy. I have a penpal who is very southern Texas raised religious. she knows the Bible better than I do. I had posted a Pride doodle I did on my Instagram at the beginning of this month and she was the only one who personally responded with an encouraging and supportive dm. if she can support whole heartedly the LGBT community and still love God, then why can't I?? and that's when I trulyyyy knew that I was right and my aunt’s were wrong and I wasn't going insane lol

I wanted to buy a bicurious or pride flag recently. but then was torn when I saw the ally flag (which I also didn't know existed until recently) and the bisexual flag. I know they're just flags but it feels so solid?? like you buy one when you know what you are.... and I don't yet. so I ended up not buying one at all :/

again, there was no purpose to this post because I know no one is going to read it but I just had to type it out into the world so I didn't have to bottle it up anymore.

#lgbt #pride #pride 2020 #lgbt community #bisexual #bi curious #trans #transgender #questioning #sexuality #coming out #me #personal

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