#literally a CORNERSTONE of birthdays

[capt-galaxy]

Every time I watch the scene in 5.07 in which Brian goes yelling at Michael and Ben's, I pick up something new. It's so layered and rich in details that I'm sure in a couple of months I'll still find something else to marvel about!

Right now my attention is grabbed by how Brian points at himself when he says "before you and your husband tied the noose around your necks, he was perfectly happy!"; it's not Michael the first one to steer the conversation from Brian and Justin's relationship to their own relationship, which makes perfectly sense since Brian didn't come all the way from Babylon to talk about Justin.

Brian lives in world that relies on fragile lies that he's been telling himself for so long they've become core traits of his persona: 1) he's never been in love 2) he's not sexually attracted to his best friend 3) he doesn't do jealousy 4) if the occasion arises, he'll be more than happy to leave Pittsburgh. Brian is the best liar, he may stumble, make us glimpse under the surface but ultimately he could go on lying to himself his whole life. What makes these lies fragile is that to work they need Michael to play along.

Finally in 5.07, Michael stops playing along. He bursts the bubble they've been living in for twenty-something years (do you remember the last scene in 1.12, when they make up after Michael's birthday party and they're actually inside a "bubble", dancing at the centre of the universe?) and Brian's world unravels.

The timing is perfect, Michael doesn't need Brian like he used to. After years of unhappiness waiting for Brian to tell him "you're the only one I want", he's finally found someone willing to give him what he needs, he's stepped out of the derailing train and won't make up excuses for Brian anymore like Justin and everyone else have always accused him to. Now when Brian yells he yells back, when Brian throws hurtful, idiotic accusations at him, he answers with hurtful truths.

And boy if Michael's words hurt. Brian has managed to push away Justin, he can't even hide behind his role of the queen supreme of liberty avenue, all he's left with in Michael's new - full to the brim of people that aren't Brian - house are the consequences of a life of hiding behind comfortable masks and risks not taken, and for a moment he doesn't avert his eyes from them, he looks into Michael's eyes and his heart breaks.

Not that he doesn't stubbornly try to avoid the bubble from bursting. After Michael yells the iconic "Don't we all know!", Brian closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and tries to steer away the conversation from those unspeakable truths, cornerstones to his and Michael's relationship.

Throughout the show we see them dancing; dancing around their feelings for eachother, sure, but also literally dancing. The times they do dance (the one I've just talked about and the last scene in 2.12, for example) but also the times they don't (remember the last scene in 1.3 when Brian's dancing with Justin and the episode ends with Michael's close up with Brian's eyes on him, and only him, on the screen at his back?).

This epic fight is their last dance, at least for a bit. For the entire scene they're moving around, getting in eachother's space. They're dancing and as they always do on a dance floor, they don't hold back.

When we see them dancing again, they've already decided that it's worth to learn how to go on together in a world completely flipped (as already pointed out by @galaxylad) Brian's the wearing his heartbreak on his sleeve and Michael the unavailable one. Everything is different and still "some things aren't meant to change. Dance with me."

The show couldn't have ended in any other way but with Brian and Michael dancing together in Babylon. No room for Justin because Justin doesn't belong there; the whole world opens up for him when he plucks up the courage to leave Brian and Liberty Avenue behind and IT'S A GOOD THING. Why should he stick around to be an extra in the Brian and Mikey show? He deserves an epic love story, someone willing to fight for him and, sometimes, even with him, not someone whose first thought after a break up he could have easily avoided is making a scene to his best friend.

Justin was up the stairs, at hand reach, why wasn't Brian yelling at him? We all know why and Justin knows why, too. He listens in and rolls his eyes. Brian's secret identity is revealed and Justin's free.

God, what a scene.

[corvuscorona]

tbh the problem with the Eva rebuilds is that they make Kaworu a tragic heroic type instead of how he is in the anime and eoe, which is the character that hurts shinji the most and the probable main reason or at the very least a load bearing reason shinji un imminent izes the eschaton

( + pasting ur second ask here for easy reference: )

Sorry my internet died. I also don’t know why I’m sending these as an ask. I know my take on kaworu is controversial because the rebuilds are essential in establishing kaworu as the cornerstone he is. And not the two episodes and a few cameos he is pre rebuild, which had a lot of people overlooking or completely forgetting what he did. But also he kinda just fuckt everything up for arguably selfish reasons. Dandelion boy.

( also I want to preface this by saying: I'm SO stoked that you have sent me asks on this topic. fuck Yes. I would almost certainly NOT have typed any more sentences about it but now I have a reason to which is so exciting. early birthday present for ME!!! THANK you )

ok so. yyyyyes in that rebuild, to the extent that it does anything intentional with kaworu at all (which is a big BIG qualifier, imo), does seem to frame him sympathetically; ikwym; but. BUT... HOWEVER.

first and foremost, no matter WHAT the intent was with rebuild 3 or how people tend to collectively interpret the Plot Events Therein, literally every moment of that movie was like. "what are we doing here" to a degree that I have not seen since wonder egg priority came out. and the other 3 rebuilds are NOT far behind it on that front, so imo if we really want to boil things down to A The Problem, I would zoom WAY out.

I don't actually think he comes off as any less Ultimately Harmful in rebuild than he did in the anime? it is genuinely GENUINELY difficult to evaluate this just because again, I don't think rebuild Had A Point, which means I can't take things like "cause and effect" into account mostly, but even if I zoom all the way IN to Just the interpersonal drama, he very much caused shinji to re-un-pause the apocalypse & then exploded into gore two (2) feet away from his face.

...& then shinji spent the only kinda-okay part of the following movie exhibiting ptsd symptoms about it.

I could be missing something (eg, see next point on list), but I also thought his intentions were pretty thoroughly ambiguous in the anime. ME PERSONALLY, I am inclined to think of him as having genuinely decided "you know what. humans are cool," & as having had a limited amount of agency or background knowledge he could use to do much with that sentiment besides get shinji to squish him (he is an alien.), & while I acknowledge that this is one of probably one million different reads (& some of those are for sure better-informed than mine), the fact that it's There For The Reading makes me want to say that "how he was in the anime" was "inclined to cause problems either on purpose OR by accident, for reasons we can't know with any real certainty"

(I genuinely cannot comment on end of evangelion because I did Not rewatch it this time around. one time was enough. I do not care for that film & anyway anno was NOT speaking to me when he made it; it's none of my business.)

WERE the rebuilds The thing that established him as important in the hearts & minds of the people? I'm not gonna pretend like I have any real historical understanding of the nge fandom even a little bit, but the anime seemed PRETTY open-and-shut about it. and also EoE happened, and also there was the manga. and presumably fujos as well

finally: let me know if I'm misreading, but by "un-immanentize the eschaton," you mean "reject instrumentality," right? does that mean you're thinking about this from the perspective that EoE ends in tragedy (because now anyone who climbs outta the soup has to live in Apocalypse World)? I ask mostly bcuz I am very much An Optimist about evangelion; I'm that guy who finishes the anime & is like "aw good for him :')" & then treats all the other stuff like a funny curiosity I can read about on wikis sometimes recreationally. sorry. it's in my nature. so it's extremely possible that we're starting from Completely different reads in the first place (which is awesome DON'T get me wrong. fun puzzle).

I do think that no matter how you spin it kaworu is a load-bearing Something; we're in agreement on that. & he sure did hurt the fuck out of that kid (I love that episode I love kaworu he's so fucking funny. as like. a narrative device. "hello character who has spent this entire show getting pushed around & yelled at & has lived in Hell World his whole life. I'm here to transparently ask you what YOU think about (gestures) Whatever You Want. ah whoops you DO have to squish me to death now though sorry" like YEAH ALRIGHT MAN)... I think the "arguably selfish reasons" assertion is also very interesting; you could write so much fanfiction about that. again I'm sure I'm missing Lore Details & theory stuff & whatever but it really does feel like you could fill in his motivations with Anything You Wanted To Basically. are you talking about a specific Known Theory of some kind? I'm so curious now. What Does Kaworu Nagisa Want...

[angeldeviloshi]

(Yoru motherhood analysis further expanded on from my bsky.)

When I made my thread of Yoru as Denji/Asa's mother figure it's moreso in the angle of the social/cultural idea that a mother is Always Right. Hence the "mother knows best" phrasing.

I find that there's a general disconnect in this understanding of motherhood as a facet of evil/horror on this front likely due to cultural differences, but my view of it is generally that stern mothers are often normalised (in asian cultures at least) and justified in the name of tough love even if it turns out to be abusive (which is sadly quite common) due to traditional values like filial piety.

And mothers are the most revered on this front not just for their domestic duty but as the parent who withstood the hardships of bringing a child into the world, which is the root of why kids are kinda expected to take it when their moms lash out at them 🥴. The belief that a parent's harship will always take precedence over their child's distress.

And part of that also has to do with the idea of respecting your elders on the basis of them having more wisdom. The odds are just stacked against you for hierarchal reasons.

We can see this in Goodbye Eri too in how Yuuta's obligated to memorialise his abusive mother through a romanticised lens because she's his mother and doing so would prove that he's a good son. Which he ends up turning against with the explosions, yet it also reflects his hesitance to face his mother's death.

Even the way the story opens with this duty taking precedence over the joys of his birthday with the weight of his mother's sickness. His present literally being a tool for him to do what his mom wants, cuz it's a birthday gift from his mother. On the anniv. of the day that she gave birth to him!

So I see Yoru's tendencies esp as War as a reflection of this social construct wrt the paternalistic nature of horsemen and how that ties into authorities as cornerstones of society, which in turn affects the characters ofc. Given that domestic values are also utilised by the government to invoke an idea of national harmony and conformity. (what my mkm thread earlier was pointing to)

It's also why I personally have a hard time connecting with critical analysis of Yoru that frames her transgressions and behaviour as an individual thing when so much of it doesn't exist in a vacuum because she's first and foremost, a devil.

She pretty much illustrated it herself here LMAO.

The understanding that the cruelty and violence of conquest is presented as a necessary or noble cause for the welfare of a nation by its authorities.

But unlike the presentation of necessary evil through Makima as Control in its recognition of unpleasantry, the necessary evil through the lens of War is a logical part of the process in the detachment it calls for to enact its violence.

Cold logic over empathy in pursuit of material results. The overlap of domestic discipline and military obedience applied via Yoru's actions and behaviour. Hope I'm making sense nfsmkdjnf.

Ofc this is just one facet of the body of themes in the whole of pt2 and csm.

[starthaw]

Ghostblade is going to die!!1!!

This post is totally bait (well, kind of). It's all rambles about him, not a lot of substance to be found here.

I dunno, I can see it happening. I saw a comment about how there's a high chance the popular characters will die (sure got a lot of that in Link Click), and yeah. I see it.

He has a lot of death flags, okay? I've talked about this on Twitter before, his ranking is No. 4. Off to a terrible start! (四 (4) phonetically sounds like 死 which means death - a very unlucky number.)

Moreover, his birthday (08/28) is very... not auspicious at all? This would be around the time of 中元节 or the Ghost Festival. It's like Day of the Dead or Obon, a day to pay respects to lost loved ones. From his PV we can probably assume his wife died or something, his motivation for killing is likely related to her death, whatever. Bro's going through it.

And his name. Most characters have the same name in JP/EN, with some exceptions.

From the JP Twitter account, this lists the VAs and the characters they play; Dragon Boy, Ghostblade, and E-Soul are the only characters (thus far) with kanji names. The kanji means the same thing as the hanzi Chinese characters, which more or less translates to what their English titles are. I'm going to focus a bit more on Ghostblade though, since I think that's a pretty interesting take on what the characters actually mean.

默杀 is the Chinese name for Ghostblade (again, same meaning as the Japanese 黙殺). Translated literally this means silent killer, but the character 杀 has a... hm. I guess a more violent connotation? Or at least a rather strong one, it's the kind of word you'd use to describe murder.

So the ghost part makes sense - silent as a ghost, probably a reference to the Ghost Festival. Blade also makes sense, he kills people.

But he's got Buddhist symbolism all over him??? Ghosts don't linger, we all enter the cycle of reincarnation until we're free from the karmic debts of our past lives, and one of the cornerstones of Buddhism is to abstain from inflicting unnecessary suffering. To live is suffering enough, man. I guess he can justify it to himself if he's only after the bad guys...

The website quote for him says 开不了口 (lit. can't open his mouth anymore). Terrible for him. Someone wanted him fo stay quiet that bad?

No clue where I'm going with this. My expectation is that he's not going to have a great ending though - death would be kind if only to reunite him with the person he lost. He's a solitary individual, so even if he successfully kills off all his targets, he doesn't seem to have a lot going for him past that. I'm guessing there's something brewing with his hero agency, but it's hard to say with the very limited info. we have as it is.

[limecaine]

House of Leaves: Zampanò & fire

Throughout House of Leaves, details of Zampanò’s life bleed into the text, even when he is writing something completely separated. Johnny attempts to preserve these parts, in order to keep the dead man’s legacy alive in a way. But the parts where he literally bleeds onto his pages are in Chapter XI with the Jacob and Esau passages. It is reported from one of Zampanò’s readers that he attempted to tear apart and destroy weeks worth of writing about the story, resulting in bloody scraps being all we have left of the second half of that chapter.

On page 35, where Zampanò is asked if he had children and he says “not anymore.” This is the cornerstone of my theory. That Zampanó had two sons, represented by Will Navidson and Tom, or Jacob and Esau respectively. Though chapter 11 spends a bit of time discussing which is which, footnote 377 on page 396 all but confirms what I said prior. “Here then Jacob loses Esau and finds he is nothing without him.” (Referring to Tom’s death)

In the book we learn that Navidson served in the war in Vietnam, this is a small point but I think it’s important to suggest that the house itself may be a metaphor for war. Great emphasis is put onto the fact that the house itself becomes an “outpost,” and terms reserved for war are applied to it. Navidson was not expected to return from the house after the rescue but he did. Though what soon follows cannot be described with any word, except for turmoil. Here my metaphor sort of loses its exactness. I’m not really sure what happened to Zampanò’s Tom. My theory is it was a fire.

Fire is a motif used in the Navidson Record, but I can’t exactly put my finger on what it means. Navy literally burning the pages of House of Leaves during the climax seems significant in a way (Page 465). As well as at the end, it is reported that one witness of The Navidson Record in theaters tried to burn the house down but it did not catch flame. (Page 550, Exhibit C) The magnesium flares, the matches, the chemical heat packs, fire being one of the only sources of warmth within the ashen hallways. Ashen. That’s one of the only words used to describe the texture of the walls. That detail seems so deliberate to me. Food for thought. Also, see Appendix 3/Page 660.

To me, Johnny contains bits of both Navidson and Tom. Tom’s humor, drug habits, and wit, and Navy’s obsessiveness, devotion, and compulsion. Do note Zampanó’s diary entry on September 21st, 1970. “Perhaps in the margins of darkness, I could create a son who is not missing; who lives beyond even my own imagination and inventions; whose lusts, stupidities, and strengths carry him farther than even he or I can anticipate; who sees the world for what it is…” (page 543) September 21st is exactly 9 months before June 21st. What is June 21st? Johnny’s birthday. (Page 503)

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

Wow what else is new I’m thinking about the a OrangeJuiceVerse again and Not Writing the completely unrelated story I’m working on ANYWAY!!!

OJV Stan is the ACTUAL sweetest boy on the planet and I WANNA TALK ABOUT HIS SOBRIETY!!!

Tw for alcoholism so it’s below the cut

I know I’m annoying abt ojv Stan’s sobriety, but it’s really, really important to me. I may have started the OrangeJuiceVerse because I saw this art of basketball Kyle and mascot Stan, but Broken Bottles From Apartment 2 is what actually solidified that au as an ongoing thing, and Stan’s sobriety is a cornerstone of that story.

As referenced in the aforementioned story, Stan stopped drinking at 25, and why? Because one day, a week or so after Kyle’s birthday, Stan had been off work and had been pulling from his secret bottle all day, and Kyle’s blood sugar hit a low. So Stan went to make him a KMBS (introduced here) BUT he was way drunker than he thought he was, and forgot how many ice cubes go in, and it hit him that if he was forgetting things like that, the drinking was a real problem.

Y’all it was SO bad Stan literally collapsed on the floor crying and Kyle’s like “dude dude WHAT what the fuck is it” meanwhile his dexcom is beeping and he fully forgot to eat at lunch bc work was busy so he’s also not doing well Stan is like “KY I DONT REMEMBER” they’re on the floor beside the fridge and Kyle is yanking it open and they’re sharing a bottle of Gatorade and Stan finally just spills EVERYTHING about how scared he is of his drinking habits, how like “yeah I know I’ll have a couple beers at night but it’s MORE than that” and Kyle is mentally REELING bc he didn’t think it was this bad, Stan is sobbing, Kyle is trying not to, Moose is curling his tiny cat body on Stan’s lap, they are all LITERALLY on the kitchen floor it’s the most heartbreaking scene you’ve ever witnessed.

And that night, Stan swears off alcohol. He dumps his vodka down the sink. He calls out of work and rides out the withdrawals over the next few days. A very freaked out Kyle is also calling out of his job to take care of him and he’s fucking terrified the whole time. But when Stan’s on the other side of the physical part? The self loathing tries to take him.

Kyle is fucking BEGGING him to go see one of his therapist friends, but Stan won’t do that, so Kyle’s like “okay it’s either that or we’re going to AA” and Stan picks AA bc even though he hates the idea of it (he went with his dad once when he was 9 and Randy Jackass Marsh got a dui) it feel less daunting than therapy.

And Stan winds up LOVING AA. Everyone at the local chapter is super chill. Ky goes with him the first few times, someone brought their dog, and this old man came up to him at the end, and they talked long after everyone had left Ye Olde Meetin Hall. Stan found his people in this group, despite being one of the youngest there, and that community is really important in his life. When he found out a few of them did an annual camping trip, that’s what really sold him on the whole thing.

So OrangeJuiceVerse Tweek comes into the picture abt 2 years after Stan stops drinking, and THAT was the thing that made me write BBFA2. Stan is THE support group king in the later OJV, and he just wants to help everyone, he’s Tweek’s sponsor, when they hit meetings it’s so kickass fuck I love them. The old geezers at the group are so fucking funny too, Tweek was terrified but stan told them they gotta chill out before he brought twerk.

Moose regularly comes to meetings and is a huge hit, they do a Birthday Night potluck every month (stan gets made fun of for not eating meat), and there’s not a single actually judgemental person there. Like Stan and Tweek are both in long term relationships with other men, and they’re in assfucknowhere Colorado, but the ONE homophobic asshole got put in his place REAL fast by everyone else there. When Tweek showed some people a pic of his husband the middle aged lady beside him at the table was like DAMN SWEETIE that’s one handsome man! Lmfao I gotta write a snippet of the ojverse aa group.

Stan and his sponsor RULE the group!!! They both have this charismatic energy and the old guy (his name is mark) is actually so cool, Stan may have been skeptical abt aa at first, but later down the line he’s showing up super early to hang with Mark and he’s greeting newcomers

Dude I’m crying abt Support Group King Staniel again

[themichiferqueen]

this is a tag game.

tagged by: @i-bring-crack, thank you kindly. i haven't done one of these in forever.

Last song: Sworn to Secrecy by Helena Hauff

Favourite Colour: Red!

Last Movie: Dracula 3000

Last Book: I'm in the middle of 10 but the last one my eyeballs stared at was 'Invisible Man' by Ralph Ellison

Last Series: Tanya the Saga of Evil (which I strongly recommend if you want to understand how dictatorships work through ruthless militaristic strategy and you want to watch God work out of spite)

Sweet, Spicy, or Savoury: I like it spicy!

Relationship status: Married!

Last thing I googled: Research for the Mont Sant'Angelo for an AU I'm working on

Current obsession: it changes depending on the mood but I feel like a 500K words about Michael and Lucifer explain everything you need to know for the cornerstone

Looking forward to: helping put the ABM zine out, writing every 3 days like I don't do it enough, this upcoming weekend since it's my husband's birthday, and the next artpiece for one of my AUs!

Aaaand I tag literally anybody who's eyeballs see this and you read even one sentence, you have to do it now ♥

[learningtogirl]

1

(nothing wrong with me)

2

(nothing wrong with me)

8

(huh, what?)

1. what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

* My time working as a camp counselor at a place I no longer would feel comfortable showing my face because it was run by conservative Christians (thank god I escaped that, wish I had recognized it sooner). I certainly have mixed feelings now about the Bible portions of that (I don't think I directly peddled the hate at all? But I also was definitely not free of it at the time.)

But the rest really influenced who I am quite strongly. It pretty directly led to a big transition for me from being someone who needed structure to feel comfortable to being happy with winging it as we go (ideally within some known constraints, but still). Huge general improvement in social skills. Made me a much better guitar player. Got me a bit too comfortable with speaking in front of large groups and doing silly things that embarrass myself as long as it's making others happy. And also taught me various skills (archery, canoeing, axe throwing, how to run a ropes course, how to keep 9 year olds from panicking when they're stuck in the bathrooms for an hour straight because that was our tornado shelter).

But the biggest impact was probably the way it made me feel loved and included and truly a member of the community. I have spent the majority of my life being one of those people on the outskirts of groups, a part of it that everybody knows and loves and that's it. They don't actually get to know me or talk to me outside of the group and I never form those deep lasting connections. But the particular combination of relationship of friends/coworkers/sorta trauma bonding over the rough bits and spending literally all the time in this group of 20 people for 2 weeks of training before we started having campers and the way that I would spend a week working very closely with one person in particular, really helped me to feel loved. To a degree that I really haven't seen in many spaces since.

(Now of course that was just a feeling and didn't actually carry into reality for various reasons. Among them the fact that I am awful at staying in touch/communicating and the bonds weren't as deep as they felt and also the whole thing where a majority of the people disapproved of who I have realized myself to be.)

* Being trans. It's influenced .. everything. From the way that I always felt more drawn to the girls in my class to the way that I felt weird and gross and insufficient to actually be friends with them and have left myself in a state where I am very much a hug person and also missed all the learning process for the signs of when someone wants one/is open to it and have an incredibly deep fear of being too forward and seems as weird or creepy so I never initiate and end up completely touch starved. And it's not just hugs, that's just a symptom that's easy to point to. And then the years of drifting through life because I could tell there was something missing but couldn't figure out how to fill it. So I threw myself headfirst into academics which worked for a while (until I flunked out of my PhD program) and then various games and church and books and music and even sports and so on and nothing ever really kept me going. (The undiagnosed ADHD very much did not help this, to be fair.)

But it's definitely not all bad! The fact that I figured out that I'm a girl pretty late in life (started hrt on my 30th birthday, which was <1year since I had admitted to myself even that I was trans) has given me a lot of opportunities in figuring out who I am and what my style is and such that at a younger age I just wouldn't have had the time/resources/awareness of myself/the world to do. Granted I definitely haven't taken full advantage of them... And the way I've been forced to figure myself out has helped me embrace some new things I've been wanting to try, like dancing which has somehow become an absolute cornerstone of my life/stability in the 4 months I've been doing it! And like friends tried to drag me into it in college but I simply did not have the social confidence to enjoy it.

Uhhhh, ya, it's shaped me but I am definitely not one of those girls who embraces it and finds her life better for having been trans. I hope I get there someday.

* Theatre! Joined the tech crew on a whim in high school (tangent: I very nearly did not. I had been interested and then completely missed the message and was barely able to join. And then we had a huge class so I wasn't part of the run crew for my first show which really threw me off as a freshman and so I almost quit forever until my parents talked me into going back for the spring show because I had really enjoyed it up til that point.) It turned into a fantastic group of people to spend time with and really taught me the joys of physical work and of being a cog in a machine to make something greater happen. And the pains of when it goes wrong and someone blames you even though it wasn't your fault. Or if it was.

And then in college the bit I did gave me a great way to meet people outside of my norm. And connections I made through it led to the job I'm at now. And the community theatre I have found myself a part of has a very strange place in my life because it's a bunch of extremely talented people who love me for both who I am and my attitude and my skills, but also we once again hit the "never talk to me beyond it" problem. (Dammit me I hate myself so much for missing the chance to change that by going to the ren faire with a few of them, but such is life. There's always more chances ahead.)

2. show us a picture of your handwriting?

God no. It's awful and embarrassing. (Fine I will but in the morning because I'm sleepy and don't want to find paper.)

8. any reacquiring dreams?

Not particularly lately. There have been a few throughout my life.

When I was very young there was a specific one where I was in a campground gift shop holding my treasured baby teal (like baby blue but green tinted) baby blanket (real blanket) and then something started chasing me and I had to run through the woods and then the slow motion running thing happened and it was awful and I was never actually caught but I would usually drop my blanket and then it would be put into some kind of horrible steampunk crushing abomination that tore it to shreds. No idea if it ever had a real conclusion.

Then of course all the trans ones. Those came in a few main variants:

* primarily in high school was some sort of fantasy in which I was able to swap bodies with a classmate through some mystical mechanism or another. Dream portals that let us try it for a day, random chance, genie granting a wish, god randomly deciding to bless us, god "cursing" us for arrogance and making us prove ourselves in different lives, whatever

* also mostly in high school was the different world sort. Like a VR space where we could just go play board games with friends all night long while bodies are resting, and since the avatar could be whatever why not a girl? (and of course they magically accept me doing that and it's fine.) Or in youth group we have a contest where I lay down and become a sand sculpture and then friends mold me to be the fastest mermaid or whatever and then I unsand and have to race (conveniently of course these are always feminine forms)

* many many dreams about going back to that camp I worked at but as a girl (both counselor and camper)

* in college I had one about how cool it would be if I were a girl and were roommates with another girl (often recurring ones I may have had a crush on) and then for reasons decided to save space by sleeping in the same bed, but because they were bunked and small we better be sure we don't fall off by being in a single pair of athletic shorts together and holding each other close all night. These were surprisingly not explicit for how extremely horny

* and some more weirdly detached dreams in which I was, like, inhabiting a house or whatever and simply watching the lives of people go by. And then I could hop on board to someone and watch their life for a while and then leave and go back to watching wherever they were at the time. Somehow this always seemed like a delightful thing to hope would happen to me, whereas nowadays it sounds like the premise to horror that leaves me scarred

[vapehk1]

What is Keystone? Exploring KEYSTONE Multifaceted Significance Across Various Domains

In the realm of words and concepts, few carry as much weight and multifaceted significance as "keystone." Traditionally anchored in architecture, its meaning has transcended physical structures, weaving its way into the very fabric of ecology, geography, industry, and even branding. This broad spectrum of applications makes keystone not just a term but a symbol of fundamental importance and interconnectedness in various domains. Welcome to "What is Keystone," your one-stop shop for everything keystone-related. Whether you're an arch enthusiast, a wildlife aficionado, or just someone who enjoys a good beer with a snazzy name, we've got something for you. Think of this as a magical mystery tour through the world of keystones—a journey where we peel back the layers and uncover the hidden gems (and stones) that make the world go 'round. From the arches that define skylines to the species that sustain ecosystems, and from serene mountain resorts to innovative commercial brands, we're diving headfirst into the essence of keystone. Picture us as your quirky tour guides, armed with a treasure trove of meticulous research and engaging stories. We'll take you through the architectural marvels where keystones hold everything together (literally), introduce you to keystone species that keep nature in balance, whisk you away to the picturesque Keystone Resort in Colorado, and even sip on some Keystone Beer while exploring how the term has become a hallmark of quality and innovation in various industries. So, buckle up and get ready to laugh, learn, and maybe even fall in love with keystones. Whether you're a curious soul, a lifelong learner, or an explorer at heart, "What is Keystone" promises to be your go-to resource for understanding the profound impact of keystones across different landscapes. Let's embark on this enlightening journey together, one keystone at a time!   What does keystone mean Architecture: The Cornerstone of Ingenuity In the architectural realm, the keystone is celebrated as the crowning piece of an arch, a wedge-shaped stone at the apex that locks all other stones into position. This central element not only bears the weight but also stabilizes the structure, allowing the arch to span open spaces with grace and strength. The architectural keystone symbolizes the ingenious design and engineering principles that have enabled civilizations to build enduring monuments and edifices. Imagine ancient Roman architects scratching their heads, pondering how to create those magnificent arches that could hold up entire aqueducts. Then, someone shouts, "Eureka! We need a keystone!" This clever piece of rock sits at the top of the arch, bearing the weight of the entire structure like a boss. Without the keystone, those grand arches would collapse faster than a Jenga tower at a birthday party. It’s the unsung hero of architecture, proving that sometimes, it’s the little things that hold everything together. Fast forward to the Gothic cathedrals of medieval Europe, where the keystone continued to play a starring role. These architects didn't just use any old stone; they often adorned the keystone with intricate carvings, transforming it into a focal point of artistic beauty. It's like giving your ceiling fan a dazzling chandelier—it supports the room and looks fabulous doing it. The keystone, quite literally, holds the key to some of history's most stunning architectural feats. Biology: Keystone Species and Ecosystem Balance Shifting our focus to biology, the term “keystone species” refers to organisms that play an irreplaceable role in maintaining the structure of an ecological community. These species influence the types and numbers of other species in a habitat, helping to sustain the ecosystem’s balance. Their presence or absence can dramatically alter the ecological landscape, highlighting the intricate web of life and the importance of biodiversity conservation. Picture a sea otter in a kelp forest, munching away on sea urchins. Seems like a simple snack, right? But hold on—this furry little critter is doing more than just having lunch. By keeping sea urchin populations in check, otters prevent these spiky creatures from devouring all the kelp. Without otters, the kelp forests would disappear, and with them, the myriad of species that call these underwater jungles home. It’s like pulling the plug on a bathtub full of biodiversity. Then there are the African elephants, the bulldozers of the savanna. They knock down trees, creating open spaces for grasses to grow. These grassy patches become grazing grounds for a host of herbivores, which in turn attract predators. The whole ecosystem dances to the beat of the elephant's drum. Remove the elephant, and you’ve got a very different, less dynamic landscape. Keystone species are nature's way of keeping the party balanced and lively, ensuring that every guest—from the smallest insect to the largest predator—has a role to play. Geography: Keystone Resort – A Jewel in Colorado’s Crown In the geographic context, Keystone is synonymous with the Keystone Resort in Summit County, Colorado, USA. This community is a haven for nature lovers and adventure enthusiasts, offering breathtaking landscapes and a plethora of outdoor activities. From skiing and snowboarding in the winter to hiking and mountain biking in the summer, Keystone Resort encapsulates the beauty and spirit of the Rocky Mountains, providing a perfect escape into nature’s embrace. Imagine a place where the snow is always powdery, the trails are always pristine, and the mountains beckon you to play. Welcome to Keystone Resort, Colorado's very own slice of outdoor heaven. Winter transforms this landscape into a skier's paradise, with slopes that cater to everyone from the bunny slope beginners to the black diamond daredevils. And let’s not forget the après-ski—because nothing says “I conquered the mountain” like a hot cocoa by the fire. When the snow melts, Keystone doesn't just sit around twiddling its thumbs. The summer months bring a whole new set of adventures. Hiking trails wind through lush forests, offering panoramic views that are worth every step. Mountain bikers zoom down trails that twist and turn like a rollercoaster. It’s a year-round playground for nature enthusiasts, where every season brings a new way to fall in love with the great outdoors. Keystone Resort is not just a destination; it's an experience, a love letter to the Rocky Mountains that keeps on giving. Industry and Branding: Diverse Applications of the Keystone Concept The versatility of the term “keystone” extends into the commercial sphere, where it names various companies and brands across industries. Keystone RV stands as a leading manufacturer of recreational vehicles, offering freedom and adventure to those eager to explore the open road. In the realm of beverages, Keystone Beer represents a popular brand known for its quality and refreshment. Additionally, the vaping industry has embraced the term Keystone Vape, signifying innovation and pleasure in the vaping experience. Think of Keystone RVs as the Swiss Army knives of the travel world. These rolling homes come packed with everything you need to explore the open road in style and comfort. Whether you're a weekend warrior or a full-time nomad, Keystone RVs provide the perfect blend of convenience and adventure. It’s like having your cake and eating it too—except your cake has wheels and a really comfy bed. Now, let's talk about Keystone Beer. This brew is more than just a beverage; it’s a staple at tailgates, BBQs, and weekend get-togethers. Known for its smooth taste and refreshing quality, Keystone Beer has earned its place in the hearts (and fridges) of beer lovers everywhere. It’s the trusty friend you can always count on to turn a good time into a great one. And in the ever-evolving world of vaping, Keystone Vape has carved out a niche for itself. Founded by a team of designers, engineers, and artists, Keystone Vape emphasizes product details and user experience. Their meticulous approach ensures that each puff delivers not just satisfaction but a statement of style and quality. It’s vaping elevated to an art form, proving that sometimes, the smallest details can make the biggest impact. “What is Keystone”—The Purpose and Vision "What is Keystone" stands as a beacon for those seeking to understand the multifaceted nature of the term that permeates diverse fields and contexts. It's a platform where the curious mind can dive deep into the essence of Keystone, exploring its pivotal role in architecture, its critical presence in ecology, its scenic embodiment in geography, and its versatile application in industry and branding. This dedicated space is designed to kindle curiosity, drawing in readers with a thirst for knowledge and an appetite for discovery. As a comprehensive resource, it offers a wellspring of information, bringing to light the intricate ways in which Keystone influences our world, from the structural integrity of ancient arches to the ecological balance maintained by certain species. The vision behind "What is Keystone" is to weave a detailed and engaging narrative that captivates and educates its audience. By presenting a rich collection of stories, analyses, and insights, the platform aims to illuminate the profound impact of Keystone across various domains. Whether it's through the detailed examination of architectural marvels, the exploration of ecological dynamics, the showcasing of breathtaking landscapes, or the insight into brand identities, "What is Keystone" endeavors to provide a holistic understanding of the term's significance. In doing so, it not only enriches the knowledge of its readers but also fosters a deeper appreciation for the interconnectedness and complexity of the world we inhabit. Think of "What is Keystone" as your personal guide on a quest to uncover the hidden treasures of the world. We’re not just here to drop some knowledge bombs—we’re here to make the journey fun and engaging. Picture us as a mix between your favorite teacher and a witty travel guide, always ready with an interesting fact or a humorous anecdote to keep you entertained. So, why does keystone matter? Imagine a world where arches collapse, ecosystems crumble, and your favorite mountain resort doesn’t exist. Sounds pretty bleak, right? That’s because keystones, in their various forms, play a vital role in holding everything together. Our mission is to highlight these crucial elements, making the complex seem simple and the mundane appear magical. At "What is Keystone," we believe that learning should be an adventure. Whether you’re marveling at the engineering genius of ancient architects, discovering the delicate balance maintained by keystone species, or exploring the latest trends in industry and branding, we’re here to guide you every step of the way. Our goal is to create a space where knowledge meets curiosity, where each visit feels like a new chapter in an exciting book. Join us on this journey as we explore the many faces of keystone, and prepare to see the world in a whole new light. Because at the end of the day, understanding the keystones of our world helps us appreciate the bigger picture—and that’s a story worth telling. Meet the Dynamic Team Behind "What is Keystone" The success and depth of "What is Keystone" can be traced back to the dynamic synergy of a dedicated team, each member bringing unique skills and passion to the table. Allen – The Researcher Extraordinaire Allen, the intrepid researcher, dives deep into the reservoirs of information, drawing from a variety of sources to gather comprehensive data about Keystone in all its forms. His meticulous approach to research lays the foundation for the platform, ensuring that the content not only covers a wide spectrum but is also grounded in accuracy and relevance. Picture Allen as an information spelunker, exploring the vast caves of knowledge to bring you the most valuable gems. Roisin – The Master Storyteller Roisin, our talented editor, plays a critical role in shaping the narrative of "What is Keystone." With a keen sense of storytelling, she weaves Allen's extensive research into compelling stories that captivate and educate the audience. Her ability to distill complex information into engaging and digestible content makes the journey through the Keystone landscape not just an educational endeavor but a delightful exploration. Roisin’s editorial finesse ensures that the essence of Keystone is communicated with clarity and creativity, inviting readers to delve deeper into the subject. Think of Roisin as the wordsmith who turns dry data into enchanting tales. Lori – The Tech Whiz Behind the scenes, Lori, our tech whiz, is the technological anchor of the platform, ensuring that "What is Keystone" is accessible and user-friendly. Her expertise in managing the digital infrastructure allows for a seamless experience for visitors, from navigating through the site to accessing the rich content curated by her colleagues. Lori's dedication to operational excellence ensures that the valuable insights about Keystone are available to a global audience. Imagine Lori as the digital wizard, casting spells to keep everything running smoothly. Together, Allen, Roisin, and Lori form a cohesive team that brings the intricate world of Keystone to life, offering a comprehensive and engaging portal for enthusiasts and curious minds alike. Each member’s unique contributions create a dynamic and effective team, dedicated to unraveling the multifaceted concept of Keystone for a global audience. Conclusion "What is Keystone" is an insightful platform dedicated to exploring the multifaceted significance of the term "keystone" across various domains. The platform delves into its pivotal role in architecture as the central stone of an arch, its critical presence in ecology through keystone species that maintain ecosystem balance, its scenic embodiment in geography with Keystone Resort in Colorado, and its versatile application in industry and branding. The team behind "What is Keystone" consists of Allen, the meticulous researcher; Roisin, the master storyteller; and Lori, the tech whiz. Together, they weave detailed and engaging narratives, providing a comprehensive resource that captivates and educates readers about the profound impact of keystones across different landscapes. Through meticulous research and engaging storytelling, "What is Keystone" aims to kindle curiosity and foster a deeper appreciation for the interconnectedness and complexity of the world we inhabit. Read the full article

[bills-bible-basics]

Politics and Voting Graphic 37 Visit https://www.billkochman.com/Graphics-Library/ to see more. "Of all the dispositions and habits which lead to political prosperity, religion and morality are indispensable supports. In vain would that man claim the tribute of patriotism, who should labor to subvert these great pillars of human happiness, these firmest props of the duties of men and citizens. … Let it simply be asked: Where is the security for property, for reputation, for life, if the sense of religious obligation deserts the oaths which are the instruments of investigation in courts of justice." -- George Washington, 1st US President, 1789 to 1797, Founding Father "The general principles on which the Fathers achieved independence were the general principles of Christianity." -- John Adams, 2nd US President, 1797-1801 "Can the liberties of a nation be thought secure when we have removed their only firm basis, a conviction in the minds of the people that these liberties are of the gift of God, [and] that they are not to be violated but with his wrath? Indeed, I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just: that his justice cannot sleep forever." -- Thomas Jefferson, 3rd US President, 1801-1805, author of the Declaration of Independence "The only true basis of all government [are] the laws of God and nature. For government is an ordinance of Heaven, designed by the all-benevolent Creator" -- Samuel Adams, Statesman, political philosopher, Founding Father "The birthday of the nation is indissolubly linked with the birthday of the Savior. The Declaration of Independence laid the cornerstone of human government upon the first precepts of Christianity." -- John Quincy Adams, 6th US President, 1825 to 1829 "In regard to this Great Book, I have but to say, it is the best gift God has given to man. All the good the Savior gave to the world was communicated through this book. But for it, we could not know right from wrong. All things most desirable for man’s welfare, here and hereafter, are to be found portrayed in it." -- Abraham Lincoln, 16th US President, 1861 to 1865 "Now, the best religion the world has ever had is the religion of Christ. A man or a community adopting it is virtuous, prosperous, and happy. … What a great mistake is made by him who does not support the religion of the Bible!" -- Rutherford B. Hayes, 19th US President, 1877-1881 "I assume the arduous and responsible duties of president of the United States, relying upon the support of my countrymen and invoking the guidance of Almighty God. Our faith teaches that there is no safer reliance than upon the God of our fathers, who has so singularly favored the American people in every national trial and who will not forsake us so long as we obey his commandments and walk humbly in his footsteps." -- William McKinley, 25th US President, 1897 to 1901 "The teachings of the Bible are so interwoven and entwined with our whole civic and social life that it would be literally -- I do not mean figuratively, I mean literally -- impossible for us to figure to ourselves what that life would be if these teachings were removed. We would lose almost all the standards by which we now judge both public and private morals; all the standards toward which we, with more or less of resolution, strive to raise ourselves." -- Theodore Roosevelt, 26th US President, 1901 to 1909 "The same revolutionary beliefs for which our forebears fought are still at issue around the globe -- the belief that the rights of man come not from the generosity of the state but from the hand of God." -- John F. Kennedy, 35th US President, 1961 to 1963 https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/politics-and-voting-graphic-37/?feed_id=144220&Politics%20and%20Voting%20Graphic%2037

[mengyan]

rubs my hands together. marcy facetiming anne and sasha to show them their new room post amphibia. 500+ go

The telltale intro to a popular donghua rings its beginning notes on Anne’s nightstand, and she lunges for the phone with an easy, practiced motion.

“Marbles!” she’s yelling, not even one second after picking up the call. “Hi! How are you doing? Are you settling in? How’s the new room? Is the traffic less intense over there?”

“Anna Banana!” Marcy’s shouting back, giggling. “Slow down! Sash isn’t even on the call yet! I’ll tell you guys everything, I promise, but you gotta relax!”

“You haven’t called in sooo long, Mar-Mar, ‘course I’m not gonna relax!” Anne retorts, sticking out her tongue at the camera. “Plus, you know Sasha likes hearing your ringtone music as much as he pretends not to know where it’s from, so he’s probably just letting it ring. I caught him watching an episode yesterday at lunch and he practically leaped off of the picnic bench to hide the evidence.”

Marcy giggles again and props their phone up on their desk so that their friends will have a better view of their room. “I just called you two last Friday, Annie. And it’s a good show, I don’t know what he’s so afraid of.”

Before Anne can reply, a noise sounds from both of their screens, and the split screen splits once more to fit Sasha into the frame. His face is lightly sweated out from his fencing class, but he’s smiling, making a kissy face at the camera.

“Hey nerds!” he greets, blowing kisses. Both of them blow some back. “Talking about me?”

“Oh yeah, just you and your hidden adoration for the Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation franchise,” Anne teases, watching his face flush red.

“Well,” he sputters, “You’d like it too if you watched! Marce has great recommendations!”

“It’s on my watchlist,” Anne grins. “And they really do.”

“Aw, you guys,” Marcy swoons, placing a hand over their heart. “You’re too sweet to me! If you’re all free next week, what would you say to having a little watch party after our finals?”

“We’d love that,” Anne nods vehemently, and Sasha joins her in agreement.

“Marcy, you got me hooked on this franchise, I’m serious,” he says. “Literally what did they put in these characters? The soundtrack? The plot? The love story between the main leads? Oh my frog.”  

“Right?! I could write essays on— Hey, you guys are distracting me!” Marcy whines. “We’ve got a room tour on the agenda today, remember? You’re the ones who wanted to see it!”

Sasha sits up on his bed, placing his phone on his pillow and clapping his hands in enthusiasm. “Ooh, yeah! Show us, Mar-Mar! Please tell me you kept the duckling plush me and Anne got you for your 10th birthday, Mr. Quack is a childhood cornerstone.”

“He really put a dent in our shared allowances,” Anne snorts. “Totally worth it, though.”

“Who do you guys think I am?” Marcy says, swiveling the camera around so they can see the other side now. Smack in the middle of their green and ivory sheets and assortment of other stuffed animals sits Mr. Quack, far less fluffy than he used to be, but well-loved all the same. “Sometimes I think he takes up more space on this bed than I do.”

“And so the king reigns!” Sasha crows, setting the three of them off into another bout of laughter. “Long live Mr. Quack and his legacy!”

Marcy gasps, then: “Oh my frog, speaking of legacies—”

They turn the camera quickly to the other corner of their room, showing off the somehow perfectly organized mess on their desk, with multicoloured pens and open sketchbooks, as well as a drawing tablet hooked up to their computer. Tucked safely in the corner is a little model of Newtopia, with two statues propped outside.

“No way,” Anne gapes, squinting at the screen to get a better look. “You made mini models of Lady Olivia and General Yunan? They’re so tiny! How?!”

“Mars has the talent for it,” Sasha chimes in, also awestruck by the attention to detail. Everything is carved neatly into the clay, and both statuettes are adorned with matching necklaces, which Marcy had explained to them previously were their version of human wedding rings.

“Yeah,” Marcy smiles shyly, blushing. “I just wanted to honour them, y’know? They were so kind to me in Amphibia, and I didn’t really get to spend as much time with them as I wanted to, so I thought why not dedicate something to them here?”

“They’d love it,” Anne says. “They loved you, Marbles.”

“And so do we,” Sasha adds warmly. Suddenly, his eyes go wide, noticing something else in their room, and Anne shifts her attention to look too. “Hold up, is that your redecorated fandom merchandise shelf?”

Marcy grins, bouncing on their heels in excitement. “Oh, you two have a big storm coming.”

[rhiannonfalla]

THE HOOKER W/ A HEART OF GOLD

INSPO | PLAYLIST

{ Kristine Froseth, 20, cisgender female, she/her } Is that RHIANNON FALLA ? A SOPHOMORE originally from BAR HARBOR, MAINE, they decided to come to Ogden College to study MUSIC on a FINANCIAL SCHOLARSHIP. They’re THE HOOKER WITH A HEART OF GOLD on campus, but even they could get blamed for Greer’s disappearance. 

the basics

name: rhiannon indigo falla.

age: twenty.

birthday & zodiac: february 27th. pisces sun. libra moon. sagittarius rising. pisces mercury. pisces venus. aries mars.

gender: cisgender woman.

sexuality: bisexual.

the surface

faceclaim: kristine froseth.

height: 5′9 ft.

weight:115 lbs.

style: ridiculously short crop tops. oversized hoodies & sweatshirts. ripped stockings and fishnets. fitted cardigans. flowy dresses and maxi skirts. shoes ranging from mules to wedges to doc martens. think grunge lil shirt big pants girl, but also with delicate, cottagecore elegance sprinkled in. lots of bright red. white, blacks, greys. natural spring colored for her more dainty pieces. blush pink, olive, baby blue.

distinguishing features: dreamy eyes, faint horizontal cheekbone scar, lotsa tattoos, messy & unruly hair.

tropes: THE HOOKER WITH A HEART OF GOLD, the idealist, the naïve everygirl, the love freak, the pollyanna, the true pacifist, the stupid good, the fool, the cute clumsy girl, the rebellious spirit, the ethical slut, the girl in the tower.

occupation: student. escort.

status: help me im poor.

the depths

personality: cheerful, excitable, giving, affectionate, worrisome, manipulative, ditzy, needy, fickle, flighty, elusive, insincere, pushy, moody, loving, romantic, dreamy, inspired, passionate, dishonest, irresponsible, reckless, bubbly, self-absorbed, insecure choosing to live amongst the clouds, rhiannon coasts on her natural  charisma and easygoing nature. she is a fun-loving, thrill-seeking type  that strongly values her independence. she has deeply instilled morals  which she abides by, although her beliefs are considered quite radical.  rhiannon is an active pacifist, practicing vegetarian, and meditation  guru. while she may seem unbothered on the surface, rhia struggles to  find adequate balance in her life. when it comes to what she’s  interested in, she may become obsessive and overly idealistic. she  suffers from issues with codependency, often tying her self worth too  heavily into the opinions of those she values. rhiannon has passion and a  magnanimous vision for her projects, but she lacks the discipline and  confidence to follow through with her plans. often times, her crippling  periods of self doubt are cast off as her peaceful demeanor. she is  inauthentic, hiding imperfect sides of herself to appeal to whomever she  is attempting to impress. however, her imagination and spontaneity are  cornerstones for her character. the base of what she shows the public is inauthentic, a face fabricated to appeal to the nature of the other’s attraction. rhia is more keen than she more let on, strategically highlighting admirable traits while concealing the negative. she is observant in matters that she’s curious in, though most of her interest is spontaneous and emotion-driven. she suffers from an internalized inferiority complex, one that she doesn’t readily make noticeable or concerning, but it is ultimately a driving motivation in most of her actions. she is self-critical and undisciplined, a lethal combo for such a fragile soul. rhiannon is secretive, never forthcoming with her desires or her intentions, though she has a tendency to be overly trusting in untrustworthy individuals. rhia is self-centered and indulgent, though she would never dare admit so, nor allow for herself to be viewed in such a light.

mbti: enfp. extraverted. intuitive. feeling. prospecting.

alingment: chaotic good.

hogwarts house: hufflepuff.

hobbies: playing literally almost every instrument including, but not limited to: piano, guitar, bass, drums, violin, flute, tambourine, ukulele. gardening, yoga/meditation, writing, dance, tarot, modelling.

 history: kristoffer and acacia gaia met on the weekend of a drug-fueled musical festival on the west coast of the united states. kristoffer was immediately swept back the irreverent, fierce spirit of acacia, a well-bred but notoriously irresponsible socialite with a chip on her shoulder. she let the younger gentlemen dote and treat her for the duration of the festival, though she hadn’t expected him to ask her to leave for an impulsive roadtrip getaway in his clunky van. considering she was on poor terms with the rest of her immediate family, acacia agreed and the two disappeared on a month-long romantic getaway across northern europe. eventually, kristoffer invited acacia to join his van life on the road. a few years later, the two married, despite acacia's hesitation to give into the societal expectations of women of her status. she grew up with an abundance of privilege and acclaim, though her fierce energy was never efficiently utilized anywhere. acacia constantly cut ties with people and places she grew bored of, yet it was the humble and passive, tortured artist that won her faithfulness and affection. she was content with her simple life with kristoffer off the grid, free from her social and familial responsibilities, while still being revered and idolized. acacia never wanted children, claiming the contemporary woman's desire for one simply stemmed from her submission to biological and sexist standards. she had taken many preventive measures to ensure she would never have children, all of which were hidden under kristoffer's nose. when rhia was conceived, acacia went two and a half months before realizing her afflictions were morning sickness and hormonal changes. she fell into a deep depression, convinced this was the world's punishment for her occasional adultery and drinking problem. kristoffer was ecstatic, on the other hand, as he always envisioned having a large, thriving family, but he had stuck by acacia's side regardless of her "infertility". acacia struggled to stop drinking after the discovery, though she was largely unconcerned, as she was already planning an appointment to prevent the pregnancy from continuing. however, her new lifestyle did not bring in much income, and thus she was forced to confide in her younger sister for help (and a loan). acacia formulated some grandiose story about kristoffer's desperate need for rehab, and while her sister, ingrid, met and disapproved of kristoffer, she held enough attachment for her sister to agree to give her the money. however, ingrid made an unannounced visit to acacia's residence a few weeks later, and became belligerent upon being greeted by her sister's gentle-natured - and mostly sober - husband. it was only after being caught in the lie that acacia was forthright with her plan, though she had already spent the bulk of the money before scheduling a doctor's appointment. ingrid vowed to cut off all ties with acacia from then on, fed up with her manipulation and guilt tactics. the revelation caused a strain between acacia and kristoffer, both of whom had invested too much to simply walk away from their relationship. so, they compromised, they would continue their life like normal, but kristoffer made his wife swear to let her pregnancy carry to full term. thus, rhia has born seven months later, and was instantly adored and coddled by her father. around rhia's fifth birthday, kristoffer reached out to his wife's sister and her new husband, inviting them both over to meet rhia. the two would drop by infrequently, leaving gifts and knick-knacks for their kind-eyed niece. on her eigthth birthday, she received her first instrument, a small, maple violin. rhia excelled in the music program in her community, though most of the other studying was left neglected. she was raised in a van for the early years of her life, accompanying acacia and kristoffer cross-country as they vowed to sight-see every state and collect a unique souvenir from each and every one. as she came of the age to attend school, kristoffer insisted they trade in their rusty van for a trailer, and the happy, little family settled down into bar habor to try to build a semblance of a normal family life. she grew in the close-knit community, often frequenting the piers of bar harbor, though much too flighty of a child to ever venture into the waters. she developed a fondness for nature, living in the middle of a prairie that would burst with life come the summer solstice and wind down for the summer. she adopted her father’s gentleness and her mother’s lust for life, though her soft spirit and peculiar interests led her to be outcast by the small community she lived in. as a social pariah, she was only motivated to become likable and as a result began seeking things she knew would earn her approval. she quickly became wrapped up with the wrong crowds, resorting to partying and molding and pampering herself to get where she wanted. at the age of sixteen, rhia was scouted by an older woman named ava. the other proposed rhia weaponize her beauty, she offered rhia an easy money-maker. the young girl had been naive enough to see this as an authentic act, and while she recognized the dangers of her decision, the payoff was far too significant for her to pass up. a few days later, rhia was accompanying the older girl on her nights out, flaunting her fake i.d. and flirting with men completely out of her age range. eventually, rhia began to establish a loyal, but demanding clientele. she saved the bulk of the money from her night job, keeping it a secret from her parents as she prepared for college acceptances. at the end of her senior year, after having been awarded a scholarship to ogden, rhia packed her bag and booked it to the other side of the country. she has only reached out to her family a handful of times since then, against her better judgement.

the connections

relationship to greer: frenemy? bully? aspiration? rhia and greer existed on opposite ends of the social food chain, with rhia kicking it with the local delinquents and class potheads and greer leading the beautiful yet lethal head of ogden’s most elite. she existed mostly under the radar, her social circles never crossed greer’s unless they were at the quad or some random frat party. still, rhia admired the queen of ogden from afar, equal parts envious as she was in awe of the blonde girl. she lived the life rhia had always dreamed of, a life of pure admiration and power... it was all the brunette really sought after. however, after the school gossip exposed rhia’s night life as a call girl, she caught the wrong sort of attention from greer. the other girl went out of her way to poke fun at rhia, being cruel and condescending almost as a form of stress relief, though rhia had never been taught to stick up for herself. in fact, the harsh treatment was strangely reminiscent of the affection her mother showed her, and thus rhia found herself not only accepting it, but encouraging it. there was one similarity the girls’ shared; their incessant need for partying. happy to people please, rhia eagerly offered her party goods to greer and found praise in the quality of the products she provided. one day, upon an especially wild night accompanying greer on her night out, the other turned to her and held her face close, examining her features as if it was rhia’s own scrutinizing reflection staring back at her. “you know if you learned to put makeup on properly, you could possibly pass as pretty....” so, rhia pleaded with greer to teach her, to mentor her into being one of the pretty, popular girls she’d watched in all her 90s rom-coms. she never truly understood greer’s motivation in saying yes, but in the last few months leading up to greer’s disappearance, rhia had found herself under the girl’s extensive wing, slowly transforming from punk chic to pop princess. the question is: what did greer truly provide rhia? consensual degradation or unconventional empowerment?

friends: nate shaw - best friend, aurora grady, leo taylor, valentin howe.

enemies: tbd

romantic interests: nate shaw - skinny love. jesse hart - the toxic entanglement. alex ross - the ex who was lead on. 

wanted connections: toxic entanglement/ex, BESTIES, ex-flings, exes on good terms, ex-friends, drifted apart, fake friends.

the education

school year: sophomore

major: music

minor: dance

extracurricular: cheerleading tumbler, ballet company, dance club, animal rights coalition, orchestra (violin).

[justkeeptrekkin]

Object Permanence prompt idea: literally anything involving Mingjue + the baby

this has been in my mind rent-free for months 

***

A photo sits framed on the mantelpiece. A little boy with a great, dimpling smile, blowing out the sparkling number four candle of his astronaut birthday cake.

“Was that the doorbell?”

“Yes-- I’ll get it.”

A photo sits framed on the mantelpiece. It’s smaller than the other, the size of a polaroid. A father looks down at the top of his seven month old son’s head, in the middle of telling him a quiet story. He hadn’t noticed the camera. They share the same dimples.

“Baba-- can I get it? Can I get it?”

“On this occasion, yes.”

A photo sits framed on the mantelpiece. The boy’s other father carries him on his shoulders at Disney world. Their smiles are different, but the affection for the person taking the photo is clear in both of their eyes.

“I’ll get it!”

“Can I get it with him, shufu?”

“Can I answer the door?” “Let’s answer it together!”

“This isn’t your house, dummy!”

“OK-- baby, don’t run down the stairs--”

“I’ve got it-- oh, hi shufu!”

Meng Yao is in the middle of an excruciating conversation with Wei Wuxian (most of them are) when the doorbell rings. He’s really rather relieved to move from the kitchen to the hall, cradling a glass of homemade lemonade and ignoring Wei Wuxian’s muted complaints.

“I don’t want to talk to Lan Zhan about it. What if he isn’t ready? I mean, one kid is tiring enough and...”

“Communication is the cornerstone of any relationship,” Meng Yao returns with a smile.

“Oh, as if you can lecture me on that-- hi, da-ge.”

Three little boys open the door to reveal Nie Mingjue. The first little boy clings onto him in an enormous hug. The second one whoops and starts dancing and striking rock-star poses. The third starts running circles around him.

A-Xing, A-Ling, and A-Yuan. They make quite a trio. Meng Yao supposes that being friends practically from birth will do quite a lot to solidify a friendship.

“Da-ge.”

“We’re done,” Nie Mingjue says gruffly.

“You knew the door was unlocked,” Meng Yao replies. “You could have come straight in.”

Nie Mingjue allows the boys to poke him and clamber over him. Jin Ling is trying to push him into the house, hands against his back and sneakers scuffing on the front doorstep uselessly. “Xichen is just finishing up. And I didn’t want to tread in sawdust and mud. You nearly lobotomized me for that last week.”

“Wait-- finishing up what? What’s shufu finishing up?”

“I told you! The dads are trying to organise a surprise party for A-Xing.”

“LingLing, you probably shouldn’t have…”

“It’s ok, A-Yuan, I’d figured it out already. Uncle Wei Wuxian was all awkward and weird about it today.”

Meng Yao observes this conversation. The three boys crane their necks to view the two parents. Meng Yao then turns his cool gaze to Wei Wuxian, who’s rubbing the back of his neck.

“Aha… what was I supposed to do? He’s inherited your puppy dog eyes and he was asking me all these questions and I-- didn’t know what to do. I didn’t tell him anything! Just, yeah. Was weird and awkward. Stop glaring, what was I meant to do?”

“Lie,” Meng Yao replies easily. “You lie to children.”

“Hey!”

“He doesn’t mean it.”

“No. He does. Baba says white-lies are the cornerstones of relationships.”

Looking at Meng Yao with mock horror. “Oh does he now?”

Meng Yao clears his throat and clicks his fingernails against his glass. “I believe you said Lan Xichen was ready for us?”

Nie Mingjue purses his lips and quirks his brows: yep.

“Uncle Mingjue! Shufu-- why are you so dusty?” Nie Mingjue is uncle to everyone despite bearing no family relation to any of the children. Jin Ling continues to push him by the back as they walk outside to the front lawn. “What’s this dusty stuff?”

“Sawdust.” Lan Yuan skips ahead. “Sawdust. From saws.”

“Is sawdust wood?” Cheng Xing asks contemplatively. “Can you have sawdust if it isn’t wood?”

A very good question, as most of A-Xing’s questions are. Meng Yao walks behind the boys, Wei Wuxian slinking sheepishly by his side. “Perhaps that’s something we can look up later when we go back inside.”

“Wait--”

A-Xing stops. He looks at Nie Mingjue with a gently baffled look that is absolutely inherited from Lan Xichen, regardless of the lack of Lan genetics. “Why are we going through the gate to the back garden?”

Nie Mingjue folds his arms and hums conspiratorially. (Jin Ling pokes his bicep with a furrowed brow.) “Well. Your dads have worked very hard to keep that a surprise.”

Meng Yao clears his throat politely-- a slight intended for Wei Wuxian, who covers his face in shame.

“I didn’t tell him, I promise,” he says behind his hands. “It’ll still be a surprise.”

At this moment, Meng Yao measures the confusion on his son’s face turning to amusement. A-Xing has inherited all the good traits from Lan Xichen. (Then again, does he have any bad ones?) He is handling this air of mystery without any concern or anxiety. Whilst Meng Yao abhors surprises, A-Xing adores them. He trusts his parents, Meng Yao realises.

Stepping over to his son, Meng Yao offers his hand. It’s getting a bit embarrassing for A-Xing to be holding his fathers’ hands, but neither of them care right now, in front of family. “Let’s go take a look together. Maybe Nie Mingjue’s just playing a particularly cruel prank on you.”

A-Xing beams up at him and laughs. “This is so weird. You’re so weird.”

“I am so weird,” Meng Yao agrees.

They step through the little private alleyway beside the house and into the back garden. So far, there is nothing new to see; the monkey puzzle tree that the boys like to climb, which A-Xing fell from last year and fractured his wrist in the process; the peony bed at the end of the lawn; the little, carved wooden sign for the pet hamster who passed away last year; the Frisbee that’s been collecting water for about two weeks now, and that Meng Yao hasn’t moved because it’s turned into a bird-bath and Lan Xichen likes has gone mushy over this.

“Where’s dad?” A-Xing asks, swinging their arms between them.

“Ah, well--” Wei Wuxian adds mystical hand gestures, “perhaps we should explore a little further and solve that particular mystery?”

A-Yuan beams. He runs over to his father and hugs him. Lan Yuan is a very affectionate child, far more than A-Xing of A-Ling. The other boys have known him long enough that they don’t find it unusual. Wei Wuxian, to this day, still appears a little tearful whenever he receives an impromptu hug.

“You’re weird, too,” A-Yuan mutters into Wei Wuxian’s stomach.

They venture to the end of the garden. Wei Wuxian makes a show of peering over the fence with a hand shielding his eyes.

Nie Mingjue climbs over the style. “Are you following or not?” he demands of Wei Wuxian.

“Ooooo! What could possibly be in there? Hmm? What could possibly be in the little patch of woods between A-Xing and A-Yuan’s houses?”

“The little patch of woods that A-Yao spent an awful lot of money and time blackmailing the estate agents into selling to me for half price,” Meng Yao mutters to himself.

“Oh look. Could I possibly see your dad in the near distance, A-Xing?”

A-Xing is already climbing over the style. A-Yuan is clambering over the fence, offering a hand to A-Ling who swats it away with a scowl. Meng Yao watches the three children gambol into the woods. Nie Mingjue follows at a slow saunter, brushing his hands on his jeans.

“This is going to blow their tiny minds,” Meng Yao says.

Wei Wuxian whistles. “It really is.”

Cheng Xing is a little shorter than both Jin Ling and Lan Yuan. Nonetheless, he sprints ahead, and his two friends flank him. And there-- Meng Yao spots his partner crouched in the leaves, packing away the toolbox and stretching his shoulders. He’s been working all afternoon with da-ge, tanned and limber in a white tshirt.

“WOAH!”

“Is that--?”

“TREEHOUSE! TREEHOUSE! IS IT OUR TREEHOUSE? IS IT MY TREEHOUSE? CAN WE GO IN?”

“DID YOU MAKE THIS?”

“HOW DO WE GET UP? LOOK, A LADDER!”

“THIS IS SO COOL--”

Jin Ling is clambering up the ladder. A-Yuan tugs him gently by the t-shirt and tells him to get down since it’s technically a birthday present for A-Xing, not him, and he should be the one to go up first. But A-Xing is hugging his dad with ferociously tight little arms, and Lan Xichen is laughing quietly to himself, stroking the top of his head. 

“You should thank shufu, too. He built most of it.” He gives Meng Yao a small smile, the smile that still melts him even now, eight years later. “I held up lots of heavy planks of wood.”

“So impressive,” Meng Yao grins. He kisses his boyfriend on the cheek. “Very impressive. Isn’t baba impressive?”

“Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank youthankyouthankyouthank--” A-Xing hugs Nie Mingjue, who smirks. “Thankyouthankyouthankyouthank--”

“Why don’t you go and try it out,” Lan Xichen says.

The boys scrabble up the ladder. A-Yuan is a little older than the other two, and whilst he never abuses this authority, A-Xing and A-Ling treat him with the respect of a wise elder. They therefore listen to A-Yuan’s words of caution climbing the tree, advice about watching their footing and not going too quickly.

The four men at the bottom of the tree peer up at the platform three metres above. It’s shrouded in leaves, branches, a lovingly carved roof (trademark Nie Designs) and fairylights. The boys are babbling in hushed, awed tones, interspersed with laughter and childish squeals.

“I think this was a good choice,” Lan Xichen remarks a little dreamily. Meng Yao lays his head on his shoulder and feels it rise and fall with his sigh. “This is going to make them happy for years.”

“You know when they’re teenagers they’re going to use it as their sordid den,” Wei Wuxian says. “Like, they’re going to go there to like, talk about girls or boys or both or neither and like, make low, grunting caveman noises about how much they hate us.”

“Well. They’ll need a safe place to do such a thing,” Meng Yao admits.

Nie Mingjue grumbles. “Without you running into A-Xing’s room, swatting him with a broom or your shoe at the slightest hint of hormones.”

Lan Xichen laughs.

Meng Yao stares at them all. They’re all laughing.

“I would never,” he argues. Peering up at Lan Xichen with wide, imploring eyes. “You know I would never.”

“Of course not, love.” Lan Xichen plants a consolatory kiss on his forehead. “We just know that you’re very protective of our son.”

“Of course I am. Of course I’m protective. Gege, why are you laughing? Do you think I’m such a bad father, gege?”

Nie Mingjue pinches his nose. Wei Wuxian is cackling.

“No, A-Yao. You’re the best father in the world, and A-Xing knows it.”

“He’s referring to the fact that you tried to get a child expelled for kicking over his mud-pie in nursery.”

“And if they’d let me on the board of governors, justice would have been served.” There’s also the fact that he admitted to Lan Xichen, face buried in his chest, that he doesn’t want A-Xing to be a smelly teenager. He’d wept. Proper, sobbing cries. Is it awful that Meng Yao wants him to be wide-eyed and adorable forever and ever, and if Meng Yao knows that no one will ever be good enough for their son and-- and how is he meant to let some snotty-nosed teenager take him to the cinema or a terrible fast-food restaurant on a first date?

Lan Xichen had said his distress was both understandable and endearing. Thing is, Meng Yao is only partially putting it on. He really is heartbroken by how fast A-Xing is growing.

The three boys erupt into laughter from the treehouse.

“I want another baby.”

Meng Yao says it before any coherent thoughts go through his head and have a chance to wrangle the sentence back into its box. Wei Wuxian gasps. Nie Mingjue looks genuinely shocked. 

Lan Xichen shifts beside Meng Yao and looks at him with parted lips.

“I’m sorry?” he croaks.

This time, he knows exactly what he’s saying. He looks Lan Xichen dead on and says in his most business-like, I’m-putting-my-foot-down voice: “I want another baby.”

The birds sing overhead. The boys laugh in the treehouse, out of sight. Meng Yao’s friends stare, open-mouthed. He looks at Lan Xichen and waits.

Lan Xichen smiles.

[baku-no-alt]

last call

mugen x reader

for my darling leese, who holds a special place in my heart. the mugen to my jin, the prawns to my shrimp, the weese to my gorge, the cornerstone of the ot3 - happy birthday. you deserve everything in the world and more. 

p.s. pls watch sam champ if you haven’t already 

for weese’s birthday bash discord collab: masterlist here!

cw: this fic is 18+, smut, swearing, violence, drinking

tagging: @rat-suki, @bakatenshii, @mindninjax, @yukiimanic, @theygottheircages, @blahkugo, @sanguinekeigo

He’s come through your village twice now, actually. 

He always brings pointless violence. And his barbaric personality.

And his unending stupidity. 

He’s never been here this late, though. You were about to close up when he came through the door - with a slight limp, maybe? 

“Can I get a drink?” he asks you, sitting in the same barstool he always does, stretching over the back of the chair lazily. You hear his spine pop - once, twice. 

You suck at your teeth, roll your eyes. “Pay me for the last time you were here and maybe I’ll pour you some sake.” 

He brings his body forward again, slams his hands down on the bartop. His head and neck follow last and he faces you, eyes dark under his thick mane of hair, chin jutted out in almost child-like defiance. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he coos, but the toothy grin plastered on his face says otherwise. 

You groan, gripping the wood on your side of the bar, knuckles white with frustration. Your eyes flick over to the sword strapped across his back. He’s watching you, watching your movements, tracing the path of your gaze. When you settle back on his face, you notice the cuts and bruises.

You admit to yourself that perhaps his violence wasn’t actually pointless, and perhaps he wasn’t so barbaric. This tornado of a man only comes through your village when he’s needed - when violent crimes are on the rise and he can make some quick money by snuffing out the perpetrators.

Maybe he doesn’t live a completely moral life, but you can’t deny that you feel like you owe him some gratitude for the ways in which he’s helped your people. 

You know that he knows he’s already won, and you let out a dramatic sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Fine, Mugen, but just one or two drinks and then I’m closing up.”

“Hey, that’s my girl.” He winks, and you don’t know if it’s the flirting or the deep rasp of his voice that sets your cheeks on fire. 

You pour two glasses of sake and hold yours up to him. “Cheers,” you mumble. He clinks his glass with your and you both sip in silence. You run a cleaning rag over the bartop and count the day’s profits.

He finishes his first drink and you pour him another. “That’s the last one,” you tell him. “I have to wake up early tomorrow so I need you to get out.” 

“You can just lock me in here for the night, baby.” He holds his arms out, eyebrows raised.

You scoff, shaking your head, but you smile. “No, Mugen.” You jut your chin out at him, just the way he’d done to you before. “Finish up. I wanna go home.” 

“I wanna go home,” he mocks your tone, sticks out his tongue, but reaches into his pocket to pull out a few silver pieces. He holds them in the palm of his hand, open for you to take. 

You eye him suspiciously, and then take the pieces out of his hand. Your fingers graze against his palm. It’s warm, calloused. You pause when you see the blue tattoos lining his wrists. You want to reach out with your fingers and trace the lines, wondering if the inked skin feels different.  

But you don’t; instead, you take the money and put it away with the rest of the day’s cash.

Mugen downs the rest of his drink in one go, and when you’re finished cleaning the glass, he stands up and yawns, scratching at his neck. You grab your bag and shawl and you walk out of the bar together. 

“Let me walk you home,” Mugen mumbles as you’re locking the door. 

You shake your head, wave him off. “It’s a short walk, I’ll be fine.”

Despite your protests, he follows you anyways, and you eventually (begrudgingly) allow him to walk alongside you. 

“Where are you going to go next?” you ask, glancing up at him. He towers over you, at least a foot and half taller. You feel small next to him, and for some reason that pleases you. 

Mugen shrugs. “Heard there’s some pirates a few towns over. Might go check that out.”

“Don’t you ever get scared?” You know you’re just inflating his ego now, but you like to see him smile. 

“‘Course not, babe.” He grins, drapes an arm around your shoulder. “I’m the best there is.” Then he stops walking.

Abruptly, he swings you into a nearby alley. Your back hits the wall and you’re about to scream in alarm when his large hand comes to cover your mouth, the other cradling the back of your head so it doesn’t slam against the wood behind you. 

You should be scared, but being so close to him sends a wave of heat rippling through your body. Your back arches away from the wall and you grip his arms, digging your fingernails into his skin and groaning. 

“Shut up,” he whispers in your ear, which earns him a look of incredulity from you. “We’re being followed,” he continues, and you stop moving immediately. “Looks like I missed one of those bastards.” He finally removes his hands from your face. “Stay here,” he instructs you, “and don’t make a sound.” 

He reaches behind him, gripping the hilt of his sword, and runs back into the street, silent as the night. You clap your hands over your mouth and screw your eyes shut, trying to steady your breathing. Your heart thunders in your chest and you try to listen for any sign of Mugen or the man who was following you.

When your breathing slows, you brush your fingertips against your lips, where his hands had just been. Thinking about the pressure of his hand on your mouth makes you squirm, rubbing your legs together and you don’t know why, this is ridiculous, you’re literally being followed by a psychopath and all you can think about is wanting to-

Footsteps come closer and you recognize the sound of wooden sandals on dirt. You breathe a sigh of relief and crane your head towards the street, waiting for Mugen to give you an all clear. 

But it’s not Mugen who rounds the corner - it’s a man you don’t recognize. Your blood runs cold and you back up a few steps, looking around frantically for an out, but the alley is a dead end and oh fuck he’s got a knife. 

“Don’t come closer,” you stammer, hands balling into fists. 

The man doesn’t reply, just continues advancing, and you keep backing up until you hit the back wall of the alley. He grins and you whimper, shutting your eyes, and wait for the blade to come down.

The sound of the blade moving through skin makes you grit your teeth, but you don’t feel any pain. Am I dying? You carefully open one eye and the man is still standing before you, arm raised. 

His knife falls out of his hand and clatters on the ground. Only then do you see the end of Mugen’s sword sticking through his chest. You let out a sound that’s something between a laugh and a groan, and the man finally falls over.

“My bad, didn’t mean for you to have to see that,” Mugen says nonchalantly, pulling his sword ungracefully out of the man’s body. “So, where’s your-” 

“You shut up.” You grab him by his shirt and pull him towards you, your lips crashing clumsily on his. 

He’s struck dumb for a moment, and then remembers himself and kisses you back earnestly, hands roaming over your body and coming to rest at the small of your back. You reach up, weaving your fingers through his hair, and then you give a light tug. 

Mugen breaks away from away, letting out a small moan. “Took you long enough to-” 

“I said shut up,” you cut him off, annoyed, “don’t ruin it.”

He smirks, and then his hands ghost over your ass before picking you up by your thighs and lifting you up, resting your back against the wall. Your legs wrap around his torso, and he pushes himself against you. You can feel the bulge in his pants brushing against your core. 

“You liked this earlier, didn’t you?” he whispers devilishly in your ear. You swallow hard and let out a shaky breath, eyes rolling back. “You like it when I’m rough with you?” he leaves sloppy kisses and bites on your throat. 

You focus your vision again, see the dead man in the corner of your eye, and it jolts you back to your senses. Something dark in you takes over and you pull Mugen away from your neck by his hair. 

“I like it when you kill for me.” you purr. 

And then something comes alive in both of you, like a switch had been flipped. 

His hand grips your throat and he thrusts against you again and you whine. “I would kill anyone for you,” he says gruffly, almost feral. 

You grab the fabric of his shirt and ball it in your fists as he pulls down your shirt to expose your breasts and then buries his face in them, kissing and sucking on the sensitive skin near your nipples. 

Slowly you lower your feet to the ground and regain your balance. Then your hand reaches down to cup his dick, now straining against the fabric of his pants. He groans into your chest. 

You bite your lip. “Let me repay you,” you whisper, words coated with lust, “for saving my life.” You run your fingers along his arms, his chest, as you bring yourself down to your knees. You pull down his pants enough just to expose his cock, and lick one long stripe from the base all the way up to his head. 

“Shit.” Mugen inhales sharply and uses one hand to brace himself against the wall. The other is tangled in your hair. 

You look up at him through your lashes before taking as much of him as you can into your mouth. Your head bobs along his length rhythmically and every now and then he thrusts into you, causing you to gag. 

You can tell he likes that part the best. 

When he’s near his limit, he pulls himself out of your mouth and hoists you up. “Wanna cum inside you,” he mumbles. 

“My house is only a few doors down,” you reply, adjusting your kimono. 

You leave the dead man lying in the alley.

-

You’re already halfway undressed when Mugen throws you down on your bed and crawls over you, trapping your head between his arms. The bright blue tattoos on his wrists catch your eye again, and this time you do trace the ink on his skin. With your tongue. He watches you carefully, then dips one, two fingers in your mouth and you suck obediently. He tastes salty and earthy, not as bad as you would have thought. 

"Little whore," he mumbles, and you bite down on his fingers in retaliation, which makes him laugh. 

Mugen undresses himself and then helps you take off the rest of your clothing, exposing your entire body to him. He kisses your lips, your breasts, before moving down your stomach and settling between your thighs. Heat rises to your cheeks at the thought of yourself spread out before him. 

“You seem like you’ve had some experience,” he jokes, and your cheeks burn hotter. “I have, too.” 

You bite on the fleshy part of your palm to muffle yourself when he lays his tongue flat against your cunt, and then starts lapping against your clit. You can feel the mixture of your wetness and his juices running down your slit before he gathers some up and adds a few fingers pumping in and out of your hole.

Your hand does little to quiet your moans as you get closer to your climax, and Mugen can tell - his finger fucking gets faster and he groans against your cunt.  “Gonna cum for me?” he takes his mouth of your pussy for a moment to ask you the question. 

“Don’t stop-” you nearly shriek, crying out in frustration. You’re so close; Mugen grins and finally continues to lap at your clit, and you pull at your own hair, run your hands over your body, ghost your fingers over your nipples and pinch -

In seconds, your orgasm crashes over you, and you’re delirious, mumbling yes, Mugen, yesyesyes, Mugen, incoherently. He takes such delight in the way your legs shake, and he laughs while he overstimulates your clit, watching you squirm to get away from the intense sensation.

“Did that feel good?” he teases you as he crawls on top of you again, pumping himself a few times. You nod weakly and then he’s at your entrance, gently gliding his dick along your slick folds.

Then he sheathes himself inside you. 

The stretching pain subsides and then he’s ramming into you while you desperately try to regain your senses. You feel like an animal, pinned underneath him, and yet you want to get closer, you want him to consume you completely.

“More,” you choke out, “harder.” 

He flips you over and  fucks you from behind, and the sound of his skin slapping against yours is absolutely delicious. He grabs your hair and pulls, and the pain makes your eyes roll into the back of your skull in ecstasy. He hits your sweet spot over and over, and your legs start to shake again as you get close to your second orgasm. Mugen holds on tightly to your hips, using them as leverage to bury himself deeper inside you.

"You gonna cum on my cock, baby?"

You whimper and reach your hand back, finding his wrist and grasping it tightly in response. 

"Good girl.” His voice is dark, laced with lust, and you think about how strong he is, how many people he’s killed, that he could end you in a second if he wanted to.

And that's it for you. 

You shove your face into your pillow and grip at your sheets when you cum, Mugen’s pace unrelenting throughout your high. When you come down, the emotions of the night hit you and suddenly you’re crying and it bewilders you.

Mugen pulls you all the way up so that your back is flush against his chest, and he catches a glimpse of your tear-stained face in a mirror placed in the corner of your room. “Fuck,” he hisses; the sight of your perfect face ruined by him is going straight to his dick. 

He sinks his teeth into the crook of your neck and you feel him shudder. He thrusts into you a few more times before he finishes inside you, and you both collapse on the bed.

“So,” he says while you both lay there panting, “I don't really have anywhere to go… can I stay here for the night?”

[bisluthq]

Update on TTB’s obsession with me and a quick explainer of why I’m so... exhausted tonight.

It started with this dude (I originally wrote a different word but then I remembered what really gets under her skin) sending me the above email on Christmas Day. Now I don’t celebrate it but for why? Did she have nothing better to do? Literally nothing better to do than send me my government’s brochures from 2014 on Jesus’s birthday? Poor Jesus. That’s so disrespectful to him. And also it’s sad for her. Btw it’s actually a very helpful brochure it taught me two important things: 1) sexting is bad and 2) TTB is cyberbullying me. These were useful facts I guess. Don’t sext, kids. It’s bad. My government told me so it’s true. (It actually is true if you’re literal kids, again, read the brochure it’s v helpful). Thanks TTB for educating us this way! Now we know! KWEEN SHIT.

Having learned these two valuable pieces of information from the government brochure, and having imbibed, I - despite being confused as to why she chose to continue speaking in the third person - decided to respond. And what did I say? Well, I was recently aware of how bad sexting and cyberbullying are so I said:

And what did she say in response?

Now let’s deal with the final claim first and then we’ll go back to how she plans on proving IN COURT that a Harry Potter reference on the internet is a legitimate death threat.

Publishing these emails is not breaching copyright. This falls under fair use. I am reporting on her, on this blog, because she is a menace and tbh a public figure (and also an anonymous entity like she’s not a person so her case is really tricky). She has no solid legal case against me. But, as my lawyer pointed out to me, if she does sue civilly she will go off anon and we look forward to going to court to discuss my Harry Potter references about an anonymous entity on Tumbles like that sounds iconic af and we’re now both looking forward to that. I’m sure a bunch of you nutcases will attend in the gallery for the sheer lulz that situation promises. It’ll be great.

I would also like to say I do not believe I am manipulating young people - I have never asked anything from young people except for asking for many many hot takes on Josh’s playlist from @agronshizzie. If that’s manipulation, sure, I guess I’m a manipulative bitch but that girl likes it. However, I have explicitly said I am not reporting her blog because it’s a lot of effort and don’t encourage anyone else to, and having said this in chats I’m now FORMALLY saying to anyone reading not to engage with her. She is dangerous and a proper bitch so I would advise to laugh, sure and mock, sure, but I wouldn’t advise engaging. If you choose to do anything that’s on you. And if you’re a minor you shouldn’t.

Finally I think it’s funny that even here she is bad at math. She says she sent me only one email but - prior to my response - I count two. The first one which I gave to @karliesbuzzcut to work her magic on and the second one which sits atop this post.

She’s right on one thing: I probably do need a healthier hobby but lowkey TTB it takes one to know one and I think you’re a cowboy like me because your hobby was literally making up wild ass shit about two blonde ladies and sending yourself riddles lol like mine is at least more diverse and interesting and not the cornerstone of my identity. Like if this blog gets taken from me I’m not going to respond by doxxing people I’ll just start being marginally more productive.

[drivingsideways]

in search of a better dream

This is about three pieces of South Korean media that crossed my path recently: the dramas Search WWW and Flower of Evil, and the novel Kim Ji Young, Born 1982.

Disclaimer and context : I'm not Korean, I don't speak the language, and I've watched a very limited set of kdramas. The criticisms I make in this piece are not to single out kdramas, or kdrama fandom,  as what I've described exists in Western and other Asian media and fandoms as well.

 Under the cut for length:

There's a scene in the first episode of the hit 2020 k-drama "Flower of Evil" that made me want to quit watching the show within the first ten minutes. The scene goes like this: our protagonists, Cha Ji Won and Baek Hee Seung meet Baek Hee Seung's parents along with their four year old daughter. The occasion is Baek Hee Seung's birthday, and loving wife Cha Ji Won has set up a special birthday dinner for them. On the way to the restaurant, the daughter has already complained about how she's scared of her grandparents, and they don't like her. When we meet the grandparents, we see the truth of this- they are as cold as the Arctic to all three, but especially to their daughter-in-law and granddaughter. In a bid to smooth out the social awkwardness, Cha Ji Won instructs her daughter to greet her grandparents the way they had "practiced" earlier- a cutesy little greeting where the adorable Eun-ha makes a heart over her head and chirps "I love you grandma and grandpa". When this fails to soften them, Eun-ha retreats, looking scared and disappointed. Not to worry, Cha Ji Won has this completely figured out: if you try harder, she tells her four year old daughter, they'll eventually love you.

Reader, I was, as they say, mad.

We find out soon enough that this stellar bit of parenting follows from an abiding principle in Cha Ji Won's life. Her romance with Baek Hee Seung starts when a handsome oppa walks into the family store, and is a saga of her stalking and pursuing a man who repeatedly tells her he's not interested, until he finally gives in. The power of her persistence pays off when the emotionally distant and abrasive man, in a classic beauty-and-the-beast transition, becomes a loving boyfriend, and then later, husband and father. It's a fantasy- some might even say feminist fantasy come true- he's handsome, supportive, reliable, artistic,  the primary housekeeper and caretaker of their daughter while she pursues her demanding "dream" job as a police officer, and they have enough money to live in a charming and lovingly set up two-storeyed house in ruinously expensive Seoul. This is heterosexual female wish fulfilment at its peak, and it is all made possible because she persevered.

It all threatens to come apart with the discovery of the perfect man's dark past- for a brief period, she's forced to contemplate the idea that he's actually a serial killer who's conned her for the entirety of their relationship of fourteen years; that the perfect life was, in fact, a lie.  

However, since this is written and billed as romance melodrama, this horror is short-lived. As the story progresses through increasingly improbable, violent and sometimes downright hilarious twists and turns, we grow closer to the (inevitable) happy ending. Baek Hee Seung/ Do Hyun Soo is no killer, just a traumatized child with a horrific past. The lies are the result of psychological damage inflicted by a society that unfairly deemed him a monster; the cage of repressed emotions that he'd locked himself in needed only the unshakeable conviction of Cha Ji Won's love to be broken open. "I wish you could see yourself as I see you" she tells him, in one of the show's endless supply of tearfully emotional moments, "I wish you could understand yourself the way I understand you."

This framework continues right to the end, when a bout of short term amnesia (!!) has Do Hyun Soo questioning himself and her: do you know, he asks her, when I'm lying to you, and when I'm not, because I don't.  The show answers that almost immediately- it doesn't matter, because it's her vision of him that he wants to be; in other words, he chooses the version of himself that she wants. The horror of the lie was a red herring, Cha Ji Won was right from the start about her husband- all it took was the power of her love and her perseverance to overcome the lie at the heart of her marriage,  to restore it to its previous shape- quite literally. The dream house they built together, which was destroyed by the villain, is shown in the last shots as unchanged from how it was in the beginning. One of the last shots we have of the couple is of them kissing in the artisan husband's workshop, an almost perfect recreation of the first time we see them. Paradise Regained, and all of us- and Cha Ji Won- can breathe a sigh of relief. You, the twenty-first century woman, are the architect of your own fantasy and can have it all. What could be more powerful than that?

 In Kim Ji Young, Born 1982 , a novel published in 2016, and often credited with kickstarting a new conversation about feminism in South Korea, the eponymous protagonist's story is also one of perseverance. It's a starkly written tale, an everywoman tale, a dryly narrated fact finding mission report complete with citations and references, about a woman born in the late twentieth century into a rigidly patriarchal culture, whose very existence is an aberration- her parents didn’t opt for a sex-selective abortion unlike many of their contemporaries when they found that their second child would also be a girl. Kim Ji Young, like the rest of us, grows up immersed in a misogynist culture. Even before she understands it, she learns to work around it and through it, rationalizing the micro-aggressions, burying the anger at the casual and institutional sexism that permeates her life, compromising and coping with it all, and achieving some semblance of having it all: a job, a decent, loving husband, a child. However, it's when motherhood arrives that it all falls apart- Kim Ji Young, faced with the exhausting carework of having a baby at home and another regular, full time job, does what so many women in her position do- quits her "outside" job for her parenting one. Fighting exhaustion and depression, a casually cruel and misogynist remark from a stranger in a park proves to be the proverbial final straw; Kim Ji Young suffers a mental breakdown, dissociating herself completely from her own life, and "seamlessly, flawlessly" taking on the personalities of other women she's known- her mother, her friend, her colleague. The novel ends with a narrative twist that's both horrifying and appropriate:  we learn that our narrator is actually her male psychiatrist. Kim Ji Young doesn't even get to be the voice of her own story; instead, it is told by a man cocooned in his own privilege, who displays the same paternalistic and misogynist behaviour that he correctly identified as the cause of her breakdown.

There is no escape here for Kim Ji Young save that of a complete break from reality. In the light of the narrative that leads her to that point, it feels both inevitable and even more horrifically, a blessing. This is a horror story told as it is shorn of any hope; the ending is death or insanity.

Reading Kim Ji Young, Born 1982 was to confront the familiar and heart-breaking and horrific neatly distilled into 200 odd pages; it's "fiction", but not really. My only surprise was how similar the culture described there was to my own in specifics; how incidents in Kim Ji Young's life were things I had actually experienced myself or seen other women experience, in a country several thousand miles away.

I read this novel just after watching the 2019's Search WWW, a show with a bit of a cult following, I think. Before I started watching it, one friend assured me that I would love it, that it was made for me; another said that  she dropped it because it "rang false" to her at the time. I've seen the show described several times as a feminist power fantasy, sometimes, if the reviewer wanted to demean it, with the qualifier, unrealistic.

This seemed an odd sort of criticism to me- after all, who turns to k-drama romances or really, any romance, for realism? Female wish fulfilment, which is the cornerstone of romance as a genre, whether in books or film, is still written and recognized as fantasy. So what was particularly unreal about Search WWW?

Well, simply put, it is written like the patriarchy doesn't matter, and has never existed.

The three female protagonists are all in their thirties, in powerful positions in their careers. As such, they are constantly walking into meetings where women speak more than 33% of the time. There are men in the room, but they never outnumber the women, and they don't silence the women.

The interests and decisions and choices  of women in the show- even the lead antagonist, who is an older woman whom we often see casually making beefy young men pose nude for her paintings- matter, not just to domestic and private realms, but to society at large; the antagonist is a power broker whose reach goes right up to the highest echelons of the country's politics; the younger women's ethical choices directly affect the republic's functioning as a democracy.

What about the men? It's not that they've been ignored; it's just that their place in the narrative has been decentered. Do with that what you will, the writer seems to say, as she writes in speaking roles for women wherever possible—every second side character is a woman— I have no time or inclination to justify that choice.

As for romance- it's not just that two of the three romances fall into the "noona romance" category, which is subversive in itself. It's that the power of decision making in these relationships clearly rests with the women.

In the "main" romance track, in a reversal of the usual trope, the woman is the one who is emotionally unavailable, and whom the man has to convince to take a chance on their relationship. What was hugely refreshing was that the reason for her emotional unavailability isn't trauma, that the man has to help her heal from, unlike the gender reversed versions we often see, eg in Flower of Evil. Instead, it's a difference in perspective that has its roots in the years of experience she has compared to him; it's the difference in life perspective of a twenty something man, and an almost-40 woman. She considers the implications and possibilities of entering into a relationship with a man who wants marriage and kids, while she doesn't want either and is unlikely to want them in the future. She thinks through it, and sees the pitfalls of it, perhaps all too clearly. In the end, when she makes a decision to commit, it's with the understanding that she's choosing to live in the moment, that he makes her happy; that they make each other happy and it is worth something, even if it doesn't last.  But both of them understand that her happiness is not centered in him or their relationship being successful. The other two romances end on a similarly open note- the possibility of love with the man you just divorced, but there's no hurry to get there; and a long distance relationship that may or may not last the two years of military conscription the man has to undergo.

The happily ever after in this series is not the perfect heterosexual family unit; it was always going to be the complicated, thorny and intense queerplatonic relationship between the three women, who, in the end, literally drive off along an endless open road under a blue, blue sky, to "a place with no red lights", as one of them describes it.

For a week after watching Search WWW, I wandered around in a daze. How did this show get written, I kept asking myself? How did it get produced? Aired??? What magic was worked to put it in my eyeballs, and how can it keep happening?

That feeling intensified when I read Kim Ji Young, Born 1982. But the book also provided the answer, at least to the first question. Because it is Kim Ji Young's voice in Search WWW. This is the fantasy that Kim Ji Young would have wanted to live in; a society and a life where she's seen as a person, entire, and it's not something she has to fight every day for. The gigantic leap of imagination that the writer of Search WWW took was only because that fantasy has been yearned for, in a way only a person growing up in Kim Ji Young's world- our world- could.

"Flower of Evil"- and other dramas like it— are also, undeniably, products of this world. It's unsurprising to me that in many ways, Cha Ji Won's little fantasy domestic world in Flower of Evil, on the surface, looks exactly like a post-feminist world. If the real revolution is men doing housework and childcare, then that fantasy has already been achieved on the individual level for Cha Ji Won. Sure, she's the only female member on her squad, and maybe the entire police force, for all you see women in her workplace. Sure, the other female characters with speaking roles exist mostly to be tortured for manpain by the narrative or literally by men as part of the plot. She seems to have no friends outside of work, which means that all her friends are men. As for relationships with other women, except her mother, who exists mostly to share the burden of childcare, and her mom-in- law who turns out to be an evil sort herself, there are none. When she meets her sister-in-law, the entire scene gives off a strange catfight vibe- her sister in law is the only other woman who can legitimately be said to have a claim on knowing the real Do Hyun Soo, and Cha Ji Won's reaction is to deny that claim and tell her to buzz off, basically. "I'm his family now" she tells her sister in law, "He has a wife"; firmly establishing the primacy of a heterosexual romantic relationship over all others.

Her "dream" job means nothing much despite the work she has put in to get it; for most part of the narrative she ends up betraying every professional ethic and her squad- her only friends. Of course, she is easily forgiven for it, without doing any of the work to earn that forgiveness, but that's really because who has the narrative time to develop those relationships which do not matter, like her work, which is shown up for the narrative prop it is, just like her daughter?  Even her sociopath (but not really, poor baby) husband ends the series with a tentative sort of friendship with a person he's not married to, but not Cha Ji Won, whose entire world by the end of the series has narrowed down to the four walls of her perfect little house and her perfectly-rescued husband. "I can't be happy if he's not happy," she tells her mother, who suggests that maybe it's time she let go of her not-so-perfect husband. "So please accept him."

In the end, the fantasy is based on this : self-improvement as the winning strategy, not structural change. Try hard enough and you'll get what you want. In the fine print, easily ignored: as long as what you want falls within the bounds of heteronormative patriarchal standards. It's an attitude that is passed down to the next generation; Cha Ji Won's early conversation with her daughter is an example.

The writer's vision is clear- what could have been an interesting and intimate look at our deepest fears in a relationship- that the other person will see us for who we are and horror-struck, leave; or even a deconstruction of the heterosexual woman's fantasy of The Perfect Man, is instead a tired repetition of the Beauty-and-the-Beast trope. You can dress it up and put a gun-toting, career woman wig on it, but that disguise falls apart pretty quickly. Cha Ji Won openly states not once, but several times, that she would rather live the comfortable lie; it's only when even that isn't an option- and not because of her choice or agency, but circumstances and the man coming to a decision, that she begins to let go. But only for a little while- barely ten minutes in show time- because ultimately, this is a female wish fulfilment fantasy, isn't it? Her longsuffering perseverance is rewarded when he decides to mould himself to her fantasy version of him, and the past is erased, and time reset, complete with soft lighting and soaring soundtrack.

Some love stories are horror stories, but others are horror stories masquerading as love stories. Why are we so often sold the latter, and so accepting of the narrative gaslighting? When I look at the popularity of Search WWW vs Flower of Evil, I feel bitter despair and quite a lot of anger. Why do so many women- and it is women, who are producing this work, for women, primarily (I mean, romance, as a genre)- settle for so little? It's the twenty first century, I think, why are we still here, I rage, gnashing my teeth, and indulging in the vicious satisfaction of giving Flower of Evil a single star rating that will make not a dent in its popularity. If we can't demand and aspire to a better class of fantasy, what hope do we have? As you dream, so you will do.

I often think that these days feminism is made toothless because we're shaping it into something that will validate every little feeling of ours;  we don't want to be made uncomfortable by it. But feminism is not meant to make anyone comfortable; interrogating your own desires and pleasures is as much a part of smashing the patriarchy as fighting for fundamental human rights like bodily autonomy.

I guess, in the end, what I want to say is this: for the love of sanity, dream better.