#literally Without Fail has every single audio with him in it had at least a sentence or two of foreshadowing

[humandisastersquad]

i s2g big finish must make any and all writers for stories involving adric contractually obligated to foreshadow adric's death please i just want to enjoy listening to my idiot maths son without thinking about his impending doom

[seijurosempress]

@shoichee​ I hope this meets your expectations✨ (Bc I refuse to tolerate any more bullying today. Also- Matchup under the cut)

First, I just want to say- I’m sorry. (but not really). I know our love for Hayama runs deep but the moment you choose violence with him, that’s it for you. RIP. It was nice knowing you 😔 But, remember when we first spoke and I asked you if you shipped yourself with Imayoshi and you refused to answer my question? Well- [Insert ‘Surprise shawty’ tik tok audio]

Best Match: Imayoshi Shoichi

Your subconscious knew what it was doing when you picked out your URL. The moment you said you related to Dazai and then proceeded to talk about socioeconomic issues revolving around globalization while we simultaneously talked about dumb stuff I knew there were only a few guys that could handle your energy and Imayoshi hands down tops that list

Even though Hanamiya out of all people might say Imayoshi doesn’t have the best personality, I actually think you two can balance each other out and understand each other in a way other people may not be able to

Honestly, right off the bat, y’all will probably bond over some form of teasing. Whether it’s making some remark aimed directly at the other, or one of you takes a jab at someone else and the other happens to overhear, it will be the start of a beautiful relationship

Gemini and Leo’s have really good chemistry so it’s no surprise you’ll manage to get along, regardless of your- argumentative natures.

You two are like the two sides of the same coin. While he presents himself as a kind and easy going person, speaking politely to others- until he inevitable shows them his real personality- you, on the other hand, can come off a little cold and critical, scaring people off when you first meet them even though you’re genuinely kind and easy going once you start to talk to them

If you guys meet purely by chance, maybe you’re in the same class, you’re introduced because of a mutual friend, or because one of you overheard the other, the moment you hear how the other carries themselves in a conversation will automatically peek your interest. 

Have you ever seen that meme where they’re like “oh you wanna kiss me so bad”? yea, that’s you two. I can see you getting into the most amusing squabble, just trying to throw the other one off, Imayoshi smirking if and when one of his comments goes right over your head

You’re both pretty smart (I spent a solid hour trying to double check this and still failed but I’m like 80% sure his IQ is pretty up there) so I can see you two meeting because of that too

Scenario: 

Imayoshi is just minding his business, checking the updated class rankings posted in the hall across your classroom. Why? He doesn’t know, if he’s being honest. It’s not like anyone could ever surpass him, he’s been at the top of his class each time since his firs- What’s this? He got bumped down? Who the hell are you? Wait no, he knows who you are. He’s heard your name before countless times, mostly followed by your voice as it traveled throughout the hallways, your laugh bubbling out of your small frame soon after in reply to whichever friend had just made a funny remark. Funny. You didn’t seem all that smart at first glance, could he have actually... made a mistake? His gaze flickers to the other side of the hall where he immediately found you, eyes wide and a small smile adorning your features as you listened to your classmate speak. A low hum escapes him as he analyzes your appearance once more. He notices the way your makeup highlighted your already attractive features, the small accessories added to your uniform making you look put together and stylish. Maybe he had underestimated you, he though as he saw you take your turn to speak, your answer leaving your classmate open mouthed with a baffled expression. He felt the slight tug on his lips, the beginning of a small smirk forming on his face as you smiled widely at the response you had gotten.  However, the amusement only lasted a split second, his features falling in disbelief when you turned around, tripping over your own feet and falling face first into the open classroom door. “What are you staring at?” Someone, probably Sato, asks as he strolls up beside him. “Nothing” he sighs, adjusting his glasses on his face. Is it really nothing though? a small voice inside him asks just as a series of curse words and noises fall from your lips, eliciting his own to quirk up into an amused, lopsided smile. Even if it is “nothing” for now, don’t be surprised when both of you “coincidentally” find yourselves bumping into each other more often from now on as he tries to figure you out.

I can see him realizing he has feelings for you while you two are hanging out. Maybe you two will be studying after you asked him to tutor you in math since it’s his best subject, or well, attempting to study at least as you’re nearing half an hour of your 5 minute snack break. He’ll probably be doodling in his notebook while you scroll through Instagram, and it’s not until he looks up to see you so focused on whatever was on the other side of the screen, your fingers quickly tapping away as a smile pulled at your lips that he asks what you’re doing. Without a second thought, you absentmindedly tell him about whatever argument you’re getting into in the comments section under a random photo you came across before you’re back to focusing on the matter at hand. 

His whole trademark is that he’s good at analyzing people, and as a Gemini, he is not an exception to his own skills. He’ll suddenly come to the realization that, while he enjoys pushing people’s buttons, he enjoys the thought of you two being a team even more. While you can be loud and social, making and laughing at jokes, you also know when to get serious and get stuff done, something that that he would appreciate considering he likes respectful and considerate girls.

The problem now is- he may be aware of his feelings...but are you?

He’ll probably try out multiple ways to hint at his feelings towards you but they’ll just go right over your head. In your mind, you can’t see anyone having any romantic feelings towards you and sure he may be acting a little weird, but you’d probably just shrug it off as it being all in your imagination.

Meanwhile the whole time Imayoshi is just standing there like- Is she serious? No one can be this oblivious???? but yet  ✨here you are✨

Now it’s his turn to be frustrated by your conversations because you’re just not getting it? So he decides to try something more straight forward. Girls like pickup lines, right?

He could literally see the moment your brain stopped working. Your face flushed red as a nervous giggle bubbled out of you. All common sense left your body as you made finger guns at him, giving him a slight nod before turning around and walking quickly out the room

it would take you a few minutes to collect yourself, strolling back in the room 30 minutes later, leaning against the same spot you left him moments prior and giving him a pickup line of your own. *queue Imayoshi’s mischievous smirk* “Oh? Is that so?” (he’s such a little shit he’ll probably pretend like he didn’t say anything first to get back at you)

I can see this going back and forth for a while until he finally asks you out on a date, but this time he’ll make sure to do it in a way that will prevent you from escaping and leaving him alone and confused again

Your PDA is most likely kept to a minimum, partly because of your Venus in Virgo and partly because he doesn’t like spontaneity. Your outward relationship will consist of hand holding and pecks but that doesn’t mean your private life remains the same, just because you’re dating now doesn’t mean you’re suddenly immune to his habits or him to yours

You say you want to spend some quality time together? “How about a movie night?” he asks, his smile deceiving you long enough to trap you in his arms as a scary movie plays in his blacked out bedroom. “I don’t like scary movies” you whine, your body pressing into his and a pout pulling at your lips as he “innocently” chuckles, “Oh really? I must have forgotten”

You say you’re a bit cynical about relationships but I think it’s because your Neptune, Pluto and Lilith are ruled by air signs. This means you enjoy spontaneity and creativity in what you do and therefore always gravitate to doing things in which your outcome depends on yourself and not other people. Imayoshi is the kind of person that respects other people’s needs as we can see when he allows Aomine to skip practice if that’s what works for him. This will help you maintain a healthy balance in your relationship, allowing you to be able to feel more at ease and not trapped or like you have to be a certain way with one another

You decide to keep pursuing dancing? He’s proud of you, and will not hesitate to show off and boast about your achievements to the rest of the team

You had a rough week and you want to spend the whole day gaming with headphones on? It’s fine he’ll take the opportunity to relax and go fishing

On the other hand, you want to go shopping? Suddenly he’ll find himself walking hand in hand with you as you and his sister stop at every single store only to leave with more bags that you can carry. 

At first, you would insist you could both take care of yourselves at the mall, but he soon found out that you two should not be left alone. She might be his sister but she’s younger and impressionable and she looks up to you? And you can be a bit scatterbrained so you lose track of her time so you always end up bringing her back really late, along with an armful of shopping bags that he’ll only have to go back and return within the week because being hasty runs in his family and his sister didn’t pay much attention to how much money she was spending

Overall- I think that what really makes you a good match is your ability to communicate with one another. Both of you are pretty honest and straightforward (although your executions are vastly different) which will help you navigate through any obstacles in your relationship

You keep each other on your toes and bring fun into your relationship while also settling down, talking about serious stuff and getting genuine advice from one another when you need it the most. The balance you maintain allowing a stable foundation for the relationship to grow and blossom. He did something hasty? It’s okay, you know exactly what to do to fix it. Someone keeps hitting on you insistently? He’s already walked over to intimidate him to go away. You want to spend quality time together but he wants to go fishing? There you are by his side, scribbling in your notebook and reciting your poetry to him as he listens carefully with a small smile on his face that you’ll definitely not tease him about later. You need help with your math again? he’ll tutor you in exchange for you making him a bento with his favorite meal. Until he learns that you somehow burned half the rice and left the other half uncooked. Perfect balance of give and take. 

Bonus: Takao Kazunari

You are literally the girl version of Takao omg. (I literally JUST got your message about being the new Takao too smh I know I’m slow but let me finish this first)

You two are so alike and you would make the most chaotic duo but as much as I want to ship you two, I can just see you two being really good friends so I feel the need to include him in this

Midorima would be so done with your shit, he’d probably see you two together and immediately turn around and start walking the other way because he just KNOWS you’re bound to gang up and bully him

The first time you saw is lucky item you probably burst out laughing and thought he was joking until you saw his face flush red

After that, every time you ask about it he just grumbles out his answer, still salty about your initial reaction

Takao never fails to remind you either, trying to hold back his laugh whenever you try to make it up to Midorima but he ends up ignoring you, or you somehow just manage to make it worse

When it’s just you and Takao, you could be minding your business when suddenly one of you makes ONE singular little comment and that just sets off the other, adding onto it until both of you are crying with laughter

Honestly, the only time I can see you taking one another seriously is when you’re having discourse

He’s an optimistic person while you’re a realist which can set off some very interesting discussions between the two of you, your argumentative nature leading both of you to talk about anything and everything as you challenge the other’s ideologies

If you decide to try out a relationship, it’ll be filled with excitement and adrenaline, both of you needing very little persuasion to try out new things

You’ll be his partner in crime and he’ll be yours. You want to mess a bit with your younger neighbors? Why not? You want to go check out the new mall a few town’s over because they have a store you’ve been wanting to check out for months? He’s your man.

While the relationship is fun, you both can get a little ahead of yourselves, going with the flow and getting sucked into your own world; you’ll need someone to ground you

Usually, this role can be plaid by Midorima but it proves to be a bit problematic when he’s nowhere in sight

The amount of times you two have lost track of time or gotten caught up in something because you ran into some friends or even met new people and got lost in conversation, by this point Midorima has probably given up trying to keep track of your whereabouts when you’re together

I wouldn’t be surprised if you two ended up making your own language. He’s good with kids and bad at being quiet while you enjoy making new words and trying out sound effects which he would without a doubt find amusing. You’d probably go as far as to make children believe they’re actual words, could you imagine Midorima’s face when he goes over to Takao’s house and his younger sister starts talking to him in the made up words you taught her

Ultimately while your personalities are very alike, you tend to clash at the wrong points and it would take you working together to compromise to make a romantic relationship work

Both of you surround yourself by others, often finding yourself in the middle of everything, your personality constantly making other people gravitate towards you. This can prove conflicting when you’re together as now you’d have to learn how to share the spotlight, so to say

While you love fashion and makeup and shopping, the poor man just wants to enjoy his trading cards

Although you should use it to your advantage and make him drive you around in Princess Mia’s Midorima’s carriage.

Your might also find yourself more often than not at a crossroads, your realist point of view conflicting with his positivity which can lead to arguments between you two

Overall- a relationship with you would be exciting. There would never be a dull moment and you’d constantly encourage the other to have new experiences and make the most of your time. But moving into a more romantic territory would mean that you’d have to learn how to prioritize things in your life, knowing when to buckle down and get things down and how to successfully come to terms with and work out your differences. 

Sidenote: I meant to make these a little longer but my brain cell only has so much KNB knowledge stored in her small little filing cabinet that may or may not be a single folder covered in dust and stuffed in some corner

[brooklynislandgirl]

For the headcanon{s}, can you talk about Beth's mental illness? How it does and does not impact her daily life, if things trigger it, how she handled this after losing Riley {in verses that are sans Riley, obviously}, and what some of her experiences have been? I feel like it's something people determinedly overlook about her, and I'd like to know!

This.

“You can’t be fuckin’ serious!”

“You keep a civil tongue in that head of yours, boy. I think I know what’s best for your sister.”

“With all due respect, sir... you haven’t known what’s best in-”

Beth is an oyster.

Vague lines and curves that are nothing remarkable perhaps to the point of being unappealing. She can only burrow into the Sand....sandy...Andy. Andy and the Admiral are outside of the room, arguing about the proper course of treatment. She can’t hear every word because she’s underwater and all the sounds are so far away as to be indistinct from the beeping of the monitor that is keeping track of her vital signs. The bandages on her pseudo-pods ~arms, they’re arms, Beth~ are too heavy. They keep her trapped to this bed where she can’t really move and she doesn’t know why. It’s all wriggling around inside of her. A parasite. One she has to wrap in smooth layers of aragonite and conchiolin. Layer after microscopic crystalline layer. Maybe if it’s smooth enough and round enough, maybe if it has enough lustre, then they will set her free. She’s so very tired but she doesn’t have her turtle, and the thin cotton gown isn’t warm enough, worn thin in places. The blankets are too scratchy and the air smells funny, too many chemicals that it’s making her feel nauseous.

But that’s all wrong. Oysters don’t have blankets and they aren’t tied down to beds and they don’t... they don’t...

“Electroshock! How can you? Look at her. She’s just a kid!”

“And your sister nearly killed herself tonight, Andrew. I am done discussing this with you. I’m your father, and a neurosurgeon. If anyone is capable of choosing a treatment plan, it isn’t a teen age boy.”

~*~

Beth was fourteen years old when she was diagnosed however wrongly with Depression mood disorder with features of psychosis, after she smashed her bedroom mirror with her fists, deeply slashing her arms from wrists to elbows. The symptoms leading up to this moment certainly were red-flags for what was wrong with her, all of them classic to the specific diagnosis: the trouble concentrating or making decisions, chronic fatigue, feelings of guilt and worthlessness, insomnia, restlessness, loss of appetite, phantom aches and pains that didn’t seem to go away, persistent sadness and anxiety. It isn’t uncommon for girls and young women diagnosed with Turner Syndrome to also develop depression. And her father felt the matter was cut and dry, despite strenuous objections from her brother.

She spent three miserable weeks in an in-patient psychiatric facility receiving less than pleasant electroconvulsive therapy, psychotherapy and was prescribed citalopram {Celexa}. Which made Beth absolutely nauseous to the point that she had trouble keeping water down, only worsened her sleeping troubles, and made her jittery. As soon as the Admiral shipped out again for a year long deployment aboard the USNS Comfort, Andy took her back to the doctor to get a second opinion.

It was then, at fifteen, that she was re-diagnosed correctly with Rapid Cycling Bi-Polar Disorder. Andy nursed her through the withdrawal of the citalopram and taking over her care regiment seemed to do his sister wonders, as she started to be the sweet and gentle girl he’d always known her to be. He’d sort out her medication by days of the week, would make sure she took the right ones at the right times with her meals, going out of his way to cook things she could stomach, letting her sleep in his bed when she wanted to, and for years after, she seemed to improve. She went months without crippling depression and her manic and hypomanic states were few and far between as well.

Then everything changed.

Beth was accepted into several universities and chose Columbia, knowing that their pre-med program was top-notch and their medical school was even better, and wouldn’t require her to change schools for the duration of her education. Having just turned sixteen in June she was starting a new life perhaps far younger than she ought to have.

There was major upheaval, stress and abject terror at leaving Hawai’i behind, going almost as far away as possible. She was not prepared for the cross-continent move. Neither was she prepared for living on her own. Perhaps she simply expected to live with Andy the whole of her life, or at the very least through her under-grad years. But after the initial first two months that it took to move into their grandparents’ apartment in Brooklyn, and Andy setting up all of her bills, hiring a cook and house keeper, making sure she got settled in as a freshman, he enlisted in the US Air-Force. She saw very little of her brother for the next two years, and the only thing that kept Beth from failing out of school was the idea that she would be sent home to live with the Admiral.

She began to notice that her medication {bupropion aka Wellbutrin} seemed less effective during this time. She was barely getting more than three hours of sleep at night, and maybe half that during day time naps. She experiences bouts of nausea that once again made eating difficult to prioritise, a feature that would last her entire life thus far, with Beth being at least twenty pounds consistently underweight. She also began to experience chronic sore throats, what she describes as her bladder shrinking down to the size of a pea, and worse...tinnitus that became co-morbid with her audio processing disorder. 

The few times during the year that she was able to see Andy, things seemed to get better....until she crashed immediately after he left again.

Beth decided she no longer wanted to take her medication.

~*~

“C’mon Beth, I’m getting married, it’s not like I’m dying!”

“GET OUT! GETOUTGETOUTGETOUT!” She’s throwing things at him. She’s destroyed seven plates,six coffee mugs and at least one irreplaceable vase. There are so many tears, so much snot, it’s hard to believe his sister is almost eighteen and not eight. But thankfully, she’s still so short she can’t reach the stemware and is forced to come out from behind the island kitchen.

Which means he manages to get his arms around her, a bear hug from behind that locks her stick-figure arms to her chest. She fusses and has a fit, kicking and trying to bite him, but his training in Pararescue has taught him how to hold someone without hurting them.

“I’m not gonna leave you, jelly bean, I promise. And you’ll like Lana. She’s a real nice girl, her family’s from Jersey, and she’ll be moving in with us. You won’t have to-” “LA LA LA! NO CAN HEAR YOU!”

Beth is a hermit crab.

She can just shrink back into her shell and keep everyone out. She can hide down in the bottom of the sea and let the water of her Mother’s arms wash over her and if anything gets close, she’ll pinch them to bits.

But she really isn’t. She isn’t a hermit crab, she’s just a girl and there’s nothing that can keep everything inside of her from dying a slow and painful death. Because now Andy is not only not going to be around, but he’s getting married. To a stranger no less. But like a hermit crab, her house is too small and this woman is never setting foot inside of it. And it’s his stupid fault, because that’s what her brother is...stupid.

Doesn’t he know that no one will love him like she does? That no one depends on and needs him as much? Doesn’t he know they’re supposed to be together, forever and always? Doesn’t he know he’s the only person who truly loves her? The person who said he’d never leave her? Why does he need a wife anyway? She can do everything this Lana person can, and better. If he’d just let her prove it, he’d see!

~*~

But he didn’t. Andy ended up getting married.

Beth dropped out of medical school before completing her residency, but applied her credits to nursing. She was absolutely certain the Admiral was going to have a stroke that she had decided not to become a neurosurgeon like him, or his second choice, a cardiologist. Emergency room nursing suits her needs. She is indoors and on her feet throughout the darkness of the night when home is ever so lonely. It feeds the excessive energy that floods her system and lets her literally crash, semi-conscious during the sometimes three, sometimes four consecutive days she has off.

Life settles into a medication-less routine. Beth finally grows her final inch in height, puts on a few more pounds so she doesn’t seem nearly as cadaverous as she did before. She can blame late occurring puberty for that and for just the most brief moments of time, things seemed to have found their balance. There were no great highs. There were no life-threatening lows. Beth could finally breath.

At least until....the sun burned out and destroyed everything in a single knock on the door.

Perfunctory words that echo in her dreams.

~*~

“Miss Riley, on behalf of the Chief of Staff, United States Air Force, I regret to inform you of the untimely death of your brother, Second Lieutenant Andrew M. Riley-”

Beth Riley...isn’t anything any more.  All of everything that was bright and best within her is now a single leg and some bone fragments in a beautiful koa wood casket. It is a folded flag put into her hands. It’s the reception in the Admiral’s house and an incredibly long line of people talking and talkingandtalkingandtalkingandtalking and saying nothing at all. She can’t breath. She can’t feel. Nothing makes sense and it never will because what do you say when half of you is ripped away and gone forever? What do you do when the world stops turning and the sun has burnt out of the sky?

Beth slips out of the house without being noticed. She manages to get in her brother’s Mustang and heads into the city proper, and ends up at the bar he used to like to frequent when he was on leave. She sits at the bar and orders scotch, 25 year Macallan.

She buys the bottle. She buys the entire bar drink after drink until last call.

She lets someone take her home. Gets into his apartment. Doesn’t really feel his mouth and his hands pawing at her. Doesn’t feel anything really at all until she shoves him away. Things become blurry after that and she only really vaguely remembers calling Jay from a payphone some blocks away.

She can’t find her shoes. But that doesn’t matter.

Nothing does.

Three months later ~one hundred days, to be precise~ Beth quits her job. She turns her utilities off. Throws a few things including her wallet, her passport, and her rosary into a sea bag that she’s had forever. 

Darfur. The Democratic Republic of Congo. Amsterdam. Uruguay. Wherever Médecins Sans Frontières will let her go, to treat people living in the worst conditions. Ironic, isn’t it...that no matter where she goes, Beth always manages to make it back. That all those fears Andy had of her killing herself from neglect or inattention, or even possibly through deliberate action, and she can’t get so much as a life-threatening paper cut? It isn’t fair.

And maybe...maybe it doesn’t matter. There’s a lot of ways you can die in Louisiana.

She hears the coffee in New Orleans is really wonderful.

[these-are-the-first-steps]

“The Rise of Skywalker”- A Review from Memory

So it’s been a week since I’ve had to live with this film in front of my eyes, and a week and a half that I’ve had to grapple with the brunt of its sins. With a heavy sigh, I think I’m ready to go through the play-by-play of every plot hole in this film that I can manage from memory without the thing in front of me. And even then, the laundry list is hefty. Keep in mind that this is a FILM-BASED review only- I have tried to refrain from including new information we have learned since its release last Thursday in an effort to keep this as focused and topical as possible.

+The first scene of this film is weird. I’m all for watching Adam Driver wild out on some dudes, but it is never explained who these guys are and if it’s just Kylo ‘committing more slaughter’ (as the casual audience is wont to think) or if there’s something significant here. As the movie goes on and Kylo makes it clear that he’s under no one’s thumb, *and* that the object he was after was Sith, you start to get an idea that maybe those guys at the intro are No Good, but this is never explained or confirmed. To a casual audience with no interest in additional materials, it just looks like Bad Ole Kylo Doing More Bad Ole Stuff. *sigh*

+Exogol and Palpatine’s hideout looks like the Borg Cube from Star Trek: First Contact from 1996. This really smacked me in the face how similar it was.

+Snoke’s significance getting sniped by Palpatine in one fell swoop felt like two five year olds arguing over action figures in the sandbox. “No! He’s dead now! Now the good guys can go on their quest!” “Well if he’s dead now, it’s only because MY guy was the REAL bad guy! DOOSHDOOSHDOOSHDOOSH!!” Like….really? At least Palpatine’s never-spoken-of Snoke manufacturing lab was vaguely interesting. Too bad we never saw anything about that- what a story of intergalactic puppet-masters that would have made! We’re not here for clever storytelling, though, so moving on…

+I don’t think they should have included Leia in this film. It really added to the disjointed nature of this movie with flat audio, crippled dialogue, and CGI where Leia only really had one facial expression for 90% of her appearances. It really wasn’t worth it. I know Star Wars doesn’t do flashbacks (which, frankly, I appreciate a lot), but I think they could have utilized the IDEA of Leia better than her actual self. Leia was forced, it showed, and it wasn’t good. Honestly they did a WAY better job reviving Tarkin in RO.

+An incredibly unnecessary amount of new information for the third act of a series was introduced in this film, starting with Leia suddenly being a well-trained Jedi or something. At least enough to ‘train’ Rey, which…frankly wasn’t believable. Leia having the force was a given. That she distanced herself from active application of the Force as a residual reaction to the bombshell of Darth Vader being her father is what is, and always has, made sense. THAT is a nuanced perspective, but it gets thrown out in favor of not just shoe-horning Leia in to the movie, but also because they had no idea what else to do with her at all in this film. This is also why Leia shouldn’t have been in this movie the way she was.

+Oh, you knew Palpatine was behind all this the whole time, Leia? Really? Always there, huh? When in TFA it was always snoke? Obvious dialogue lift is obvious, but the use of it was just Bad and inconsiderate to the story.

+Poe’s backstory was published on December 18th, 2015 in a book called “Before The Awakening” that details the lives of Poe, Finn, and Rey leading up to TFA. Poe is the son of two famous Rebel fighters and he grows up with a nice quiet life on Yavin 4 learning about ships and loving to fly. He goes straight from his home world to joining the Republic navy. It’s a handful of months before Leia Organa picks up on him and brings him into the Resistance. Now…this is a backstory that is JJ Abrams approved, has been out since 2015, and yet Oscar Isaac said he ‘never knew’ Poe’s backstory, and JJ somehow thinks four years later that there is space in this incredibly concise timeline for him to become a drug runner. What?? This was possibly the BIGGEST wtf moment for me in this film. What in the actual world. WHAT.

+Sidelining old characters to pointlessly introduce new ones does not serve a story, it clogs it up, drags down its rhythm, and confuses the hell out of it. As seen by Zorri and Jannah. And out of those two, only Jannah carried any kind of actual literary weight, because for Finn, he’s found more people like himself. This sort of setup is a typical play to foreshadow where Finn eventually settles down and goes at the end of the war. But this is never expounded on or explained further. It’s just, BOOM, more former troopers and a girl who is suddenly irrationally attached to him at all times.

+Rose gets replaced by Jannah, a brand new character that we only know one single thing about, and who gets to latch on to Finn out of the blue while Rose is left at home or on a ship. It was weird. It was obvious. It was incredibly awkward to watch. There was no point to Jannah clinging to Finn like this. She was reduced from a strong character to a cringy clingy one, while Finn’s love interest was completely ignored.

+The ‘Journey to The Rise of Skywalker’ comics released a couple weeks before the film heavily implied we’d get a lot of great Rose and Rey team time. We received none of it. It felt like someone had jerked a present away from us and it was a gross omission.

+It is only by the very end of the film and after multiple watches that you THINK they are trying to hint that Kylo is spiraling, thus why Leia steps in in death, but it never ever gets shown. Never once are we let in on Kylo’s state of mind. In fact, never once are we let in on *any* of these characters’ states of mind. We never really see what they are feeling or thinking or going through. Kylo is nothing but action when in TFA and TLJ we see him falling apart. This is what bad direction looks like, and it takes a Real Talent to fuck up directing an actor like Adam Driver. Another big sigh…

+There are only two cool things about this movie- The bleeding of reality between Kylo and Rey, and Palpatine’s shadow senate. When Kylo and Rey fight and the red bits go flying on the floor, it screamed serious TLJ aesthetics to me that I had to blink a moment. I think this ‘Bleed-through’ of their realities is the only TLJ hold-over we were allowed. It was a genuinely fascinating touch, which is how you know it didn’t come from *this* film’s production office.

+When you stick three people in a closet together, you expect some sort of progress in two-thirds of the potential relationships in such a cramped space. We received no such thing. Forced Trio Time resulted in no character development and seemed more like an unnecessary comic relief vehicle than anything.

+In ‘Before The Awakening’ and ‘Rey’s Survival Guide’, both publications printed under JJ Abrams’s  blessing, we learn Rey named *herself* after a helmet she found in the desert. How is it Rey’s alleged parents know her fake name? Gross, gross plot-hole.

+Four years was spent emphasizing that you don’t have to come from anywhere ‘special’ to be Important to a big story. Then they threw it out. Post-TROS interview with JJ reveals it was because they ‘couldn’t think of how else to get rey engaged in fighting palpatine’. Because he wasn’t a nasty enough dude on his own? Seriously? This is pure negligence.

+Four years was also spent emphasizing that you also don’t even NEED the force to be important to the big story and make a huge difference to the future. But let’s throw that out, too, and give Finn the force. Clearly regular people are absolutely worthless in the Star Wars Universe, according to JJ Abrams.

+Finn is only used to babysit Rey the entire time they share screen time together. The number of times he shouts her name could be turned into a drinking game. It’s one thing to care about somebody, and another thing entirely to act like you’re their high school chaperone. The whole thing was weird and awkward.

+Zorri Bliss sounds like a stripper name and she served no purpose other than to shoehorn Felicity into a star wars movie. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Babu Frik is the only true-to-star-wars critter in this whole film.

+Leia literally goes and lays down on her own funeral spread? What was that about. And that’s what that was because why would her bed be out in the open like that? That was really, really weird. And the RoTJ medal throwback was just a tacky tether to the past.

+Everyone seems so irrationally tethered to the past in this film. Kylo Ren’s spent two movies desperate to ‘leave the past behind’ and I don’t blame him at this point because it’s getting exhausting.

+As stated previously, it’s only vaguely suspected but Kylo seemed to SUPPOSED to be spiraling. Adam Driver plays Kylo like a man finally free of the voices in his head, but the plot and dialogue point to an entirely different direction saying that REALLY the monsters have allegedly doubled-down and he’s even more unhinged than before. Here is a MAJOR indication of story re-working after the film has already been shot. Adam Driver, and Daisy for that matter, is a PRECISE actor. It seems almost impossible to tell a story with him that you did not originally MEAN to tell. And it shows. JJ tried to U-Turn the story but it absolutely failed- Adam’s Kylo Ren is a calm, free man, focused, who finally knows what his purpose in life is, and that is uniting with his Dyad in the force. When really JJ tried very hard to suggest that he was spiraling so hard and so ‘lost’ in the Dark Side that it took his mother’s last breath to swing him back around. No one is going to see that narrative. The only reason why I see this shoddy attempt is because I’ve been absolutely immersed in this shit since December 2015. But the main audience? This was absolutely not conveyed.

+Seeing Dark Side Rey was nothing but a ‘cool’ moment and actually served zero function to the plot. Rey was always shown as being Grey in the force and someone who struggled to maintain balance. If that whole scene was removed, it wouldn’t change anything.

+Kylo was never in a position to kill Rey on the Death Star, and Rey taking her cheap shot to stab him while he heard his mother’s voice is an attempt to convey how much seeing her Sith self affected her than Kylo’s already very faded aggression in this film but it failed. It was weird and out of character, and even coming to that conclusion took may rewatches to come to because there is NEVER a ramp-up to Rey’s darkside taking over long enough to stab Kylo- there’s no fire, no red eyes, no teeth, none of it, to indicate she was ‘overcome’ so it just looked like bad mischaracterization. Yikes.

+Kylo and Han’s moment on the Death Star is the most moving scene of the entire film. The dialogue starts out rather familiar, and it almost seems like a cop-out, until you realize….how many times has Ben had this conversation with himself?? He doesn’t seem shocked at all that his father is there. Not at all. In fact, that Last Conversation on the bridge of Starkiller comes off as a well-rehearsed dance that Ben puts himself through regularly. And every time he hopes it’ll be affirmation enough that it’s all been worth it. But here, at the last reenactment of the worst day of his life, the script changes. He surrenders. He says dad. And he rejects Kylo Ren forever. Harrison Ford and Adam Driver are two beautifully matched, talented actors and I’d watch a movie with the two of them in it any day. God bless them.

+Hux has been wasted for the past two films. He was Terrifying in TFA and Dom gave him such significant presence that I was genuinely terrified for what he might try in the future. But instead he was lost as comic relief. When it is comically delivered that HE is the spy, every single person in my movie theatre shouted “WHAT??” in a way that was not a Good what, but in a “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me” kind of what, and I will never ever forget that. I hate seeing Star Wars diminished like this.

+Luke rehashing Obi-wan’s speech to him about how Rey MUST confront the Big Bad was an obvious rehash, and way too convenient to what Palpatine wanted. This whole appearance of Luke is very suspect, but that would be crediting them again with clever storytelling, which again this is not.

+Luke claims that Leia saw ‘the death of her son’ at the end of her Jedi Path, which one can assume why she threw it away. But then Luke says something bizarre about ‘hoping someone else would pick up her path someday’. Is that...is that not the same path leading to Ben’s death that she was avoiding in the first place? And if someone else picks it up, is that not no longer Leia’s path but that other person’s? Therefore, is not the outcome automatically going to be different and thus *avoid* Ben’s death? This was an attempt at supposedly clever foreshadowing or Mystical Talk or some shit, but all it was was dialogue that backfired in meaning spectacularly due to looping-in on itself too many times. Luke negates himself at the same time he tries to prove his point...which he then negates in the same breath. What a mess.

+All of Ben Solo’s lines were cut the last act of the film to stuff more pointless exposition at the END of film and to give more screen time to Ian McDiarmid. Ian’s great, but he’s not the main character of this series, and cutting Ben’s lines for this was Gross.  

+Space Horses? Really?? I didn’t like them in TLJ but at least there they had context- they had zero context here. The size of the horses and the ship they came off of was absurdly mismatched. Is that ship the TARDIS? That whole bit was so unnecessary and ridiculous, especially with zero setup. Which is amazing because this film is 90% set-up.

+All those ships at the end? That’s all it took? After books and comics going on about how everyone’s too terrified to help Leia because of FO scorched earth policy? Jesus it was weak, and too obvious a Deus ex Machina with THAT many ships.

+Palpatine’s Shadow Senate is cool. The idea that this guy trapped on an ugly planet stuck on Sith life-support couldn’t go two seconds without attention and praise to the point where he had to recreate the exact same senate he destroyed years ago is a concept I like. Is the Shadow Senate just in the *shape* of the old senate but filled with animated Sith proxies? Or is it actually comprised of the enslaved souls of former Senators now forced to attend the Emperor for eternity? Either way, destroying the Shadow Senate at least either set those souls free or sent them back to wherever they came from. That was actually interesting, and it’s a shame we didn’t get to learn more about such a genuinely creepy thing.

+Palpatine’s ‘we’re family’ routine drops the moment he realizes Ben and Rey are a dyad. This is suspicious, but considering the whole movie so far, it seems incorrect to giver JJ and Torrio credit for a possible mis-direct.

+Rey and Ben’s realities bleeding into each other is experienced again in swapping the light saber. This is cool. This is probably the coolest moment in the film. And then the coolness literally gets thrown into a pit when, instead of the both of them, as a Dyad, defeating Palpatine, Rey is left to carry the burden alone.

+Oh hey look a cop-out to save Rey from being bad- just have her reflect his own power back at him so it’s like he’s killing himself, wow, so original! The second Palpy revealed his gameplan about wanting to die, this became the obvious choice to both kill him and avoid giving him what he wanted. Eh….

+The Star Wars 9-movie series is the story of one man desperately begging anyone within hearing range to kill him, apparently. This is so, so old by the 9th friggin movie. 

+Ben Solo spends his entire life begging for guidance from his ancestors only to be ignored and Rey get all their attention instead. Ben Solo spends his entire life since the womb being a burden to his parents by merely existing and being manipulated by gross sith ghosts. But nah, let’s be parents to Rey and help out Rey. This is not to say she doesn’t deserve any of this, but to say there are priorities here- Rey has had a lonely life, but at least she had her sanity and was self-sufficient. Ben had neither his sanity or any control over his own life whatsoever. And to place Rey above Ben is a literal mess. The two of them were meant by the Force to rise TOGETHER, and it didn’t happen.

+Rey doesn’t disappear when she ‘dies’ after using the last of her life force to both feed Palpatine, fight him, AND defeat him. And yet while Rey has two strikes in her before kicking it, Ben, someone who is RADICALLY more trained in the force, its lore, and mechanics, only has one? This doesn’t make any sense.

+Rey has no reaction to the literal other half of her soul vanishing in front of her. Because this is a mangled JJ Abrams Finale(tm) and why should anyone, let alone his own characters, have any space to Feel? I mean, that’s not what movies are even about, right? Feeling and Telling A Story? It’s not that, right? Right?? JJ Abrams covers up Rey’s reaching-hands scar on her arm for the entire film, doesn’t address it, and apparently hates the shit out of it. I don’t know how the King of Cheese could possibly hate something like that. It was a weird and obvious omission, and frankly disappointing because the scar had come to mean something at the end of TLJ and it, like a lot in this film, got thrown in the trash.

+More forced trio time in the form of a group hug where nothing gets actually expressed because we ran out of space for dialogue 30 pages back.

+Anakin Skywalker viewed Tatooine, his place of enslavement, as the worst place in the galaxy. Luke Skywalker spent his entire youth trying to escape. Leia hated it on principle because it was where Darth Vader came from and where she herself had been enslaved in a gross gold bikini for a giant slug. Rey spent 14 years of her life dreaming of leaving the sand planet she was trapped on. But I guess that’s a fitting place to bury some memories, yeah? The place where nothing good ever, ever happened. That’s a nice spot, right?

+Rey Skywalker isn’t explained, is never led up to, and feels like a gross gimmie after four years of trying to create a Better Message that names don’t matter. HEAVY SIGH.

+Rey watches the two suns set as she is left with little more than she started- alone, on a sand planet, but this time taunted by the Twin Suns of Tatooine that the other half of her soul is literally missing and that she is now left with a gaping wound in her Force signature and her own spirit worse than if she’d just lost a Force Bonded mate.

+Ben Solo is left missing, vanished on a world that is supposedly a thin spot in the force, with no ghost, no presence, and no one to mourn him- not even by the other half of his very soul. THREE GENERATIONS of Skywalkers over NINE FILMS died to try and rescue their future embodied in the form of Ben Solo and it looks like it was for nothing. Instead, the incessant bad guy no one can move on from looks like he ultimately wins the day through an alleged granddaughter, and even that claim is on shaky ground considering the mistakes in the vision and how quickly the family conversation vanished upon the revelation that Ben and Rey are a dyad. Ben is lost, so every family member died for nothing, apparently. But hey, this is a Fun and Hopeful narrative, right?

+While the Final Order fleet is destroyed at the end, the First Order is.....still out there? It’s still out there. Nothing in that department has changed whatsoever. Leaders die. They get replaced. The cycle goes on. We spent three movies batting at a fly we didn’t even kill. Amazing.

Overall this movie is BRUTAL. Every other scene is a plot hole served to us on a silver platter, with the biggest insult being that they are plot points JJ created HIMSELF 4-6 years ago. This man literally shot himself in the face and then said it was fine as he bled out all over the film reels and it shows. If you were anyone who came along for the Additional Materials ride of the past four years, you were greeted by this film with a hard, swift, and REPEATED, backhand to the face. There was no reward here at the end of this road for fans, old and new, who actually paid attention and took an interest in the deeper lore surrounding this sequel trilogy. There was just a big fat Disney-branded middle finger as all your hard work and cash was ripped from you with a trademark villain laugh.

And that is what we’re left with.

This review does not go into detail over what we’ve discovered since the release of the film, either. That it was never finished in the editing room. That a current comic series, Rise of Kylo Ren, and what’s in the new TROS visual dictionary maddeningly contradict themselves. That allegedly SIX different endings were shot for this movie, and in the end the one they chose looks like it was *literally* reverse-engineered to confusingly kill, as JJ once called him, ‘The Other Half of Our Protagonist’. There is no time to go into detail about how Oscar Isaac just told us that noone in the cast knew that Rey Palpatine was going to be endgame except for maybe Adam when they made him do ADR declaring it with a masked face on screen (convenient). There is no room to show you the collective cast reaction they all gave to the end of the movie- none of them good, and John Boyega looking like he was holding back from punching something (he loved Kylo/Ben as much as the audience did and more). And there is no room to include what we will continue to find out as the days roll on about the tangled mess of a film that was edited and reedited, and how word on the street is a cocky director demanded Carte Blanche from Kathleen Kennedy, and I guess the story group too given the state of things, and then promptly self-destructed in the grossest, messiest end to a 40+ year series in cinema history.

There’s just no space.

But there IS a lesson.

And the lesson is this: No matter what, never stop investing in Story. Never stop caring about the details and about plot and about moving a story FORWARD. Never be afraid to move FORWARD. Look at TROS, the mess it is and the potential it had it in itself to be, and then look at the beauty that is TFA and the love that went into TLJ, and study that shit until it burns into your brain- Do not repeat those mistakes. Go out into the world and write better, shoot better, direct better, and BE BETTER. Because these producers and directors? They’re old and they’re on their way out. Just like the stable boy at the end of TLJ who secretly has the Force, know and realize that those of you out there reading this are the next generation of storytellers. YOU. And YOU, and I, and others out there like us who loved this series with our whole heart and who are watching it bleed out now on a floor that doesn’t give two shits about it, have the ability to make sure this NEVER happens again. But in order to do that….we have to pick up that pen. Pick up that pencil. Pick up that camera. Jot down that story idea and share it with likeminded friends. Go out there and CREATE, and create BETTER. Because it’s up to us now- the future of cinema is up to us. And my god, we have so much potential….

[kob131]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4DPZGlNP8I

I was watching MangaKamen’s video deconstructing Cvit’s Persona 5: Style Over Substance video and I...I just couldn’t watch it. Basically, Kamen’s own videos on RWBY and Cvit’s Persona 5 video are way too similar (in that both make logical fallacies just to avoid their assumptions.) So, despite covering this briefly, I’ll do it in full here.

And if MangaKamen himself sees this: You can’t keep responding to people, criticizing them for stuff that you do yourself. I literally couldn’t listen to your video on Cvit because of the hypocrisy. Stick to your own standards: people respect you more for it.

P.S. Don’t create a circlejerk in the reblogs and replies. I do not have the patience for it today.

Before I begin, I should point out a small bit of hypocrisy. In his “Cvit Doesn’t Understand Video”, he complains about an influx of videos all about going into unnecessary details about how X things suck, calling it the ‘Joseph Anderson effect.’ I bring this up because one of the videos he brings up is The Cosmonaut Variety Hour’s video on Kingdom Hearts (which is, being generous, 22 minutes.) MangaKamen’s video is, again generously, 38 minutes. And I do mean generaously because I automatically rounded up Cosmonaut’s and rounded down Kamen’s videos. I don’t think he should be complaining about that. 

While you could argue he was also complaining about the title as well: A. Kamen’s first RWBY video was literally titled “Whats Wrong With RWBY?!” with a title saying “Here’s why RWBY Sucks” in big bold letters. B. His video makes fun of people who are there to disagree with his title and nothing else and C. I watched Cosmonaut’s video on Kingdom Hearts: He’s actually more positive towards Kingdom hearts 3 than Kamen is to RWBY.

This is a small microcosism of he issue with his hypocrisy: it ends up affecting the quality of other videos too.

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His first section is on ‘contrivances’ or ‘things that happen in a story that don’t make sense’. Before he even gives a true example, we run into yet another problem with Kamen. In his explanation, Kamen mocks the scene were Jaune gets hit on by the mothers of the kids he’s helping with an image of Miles Luna saying ‘Remember, NOT a self-insert!’.

Issue? The episode wasn’t written by Miles Luna, it was written by Eddy Rivas. How do I know?

The episode says so. This is especially egregious because he chews Cvit out for just typing in “Persona 5 sucks” into google and saying a certain source popped up...and yet typing in “Miles Luna Jaune Arc Self Insert” would actually bring up something that outright shows Miles is self conscious about Jaune to the point of avoiding his scenes (https://www.reddit.com/r/RWBY/comments/7x3w4s/crwby_ama_w_miles_luna_kerry_shawcross_and_paula/du5dnc6/?context=3). So while Cvit may have been looking for evidence instead of thinking critically: he at least took the effort of doing a search result whereas Kamen probably made an on the spot decision with no sources whatsoever. Combine this with the fact this is not the first time he’s taken potshots at Miles and you have an effectively WORSE version of what he says Cvit did.

“But this is just a joke!” Yeah, and Sham-Amon was a joke about M. Night Shamalyan by Doug Walker. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t an insult and was correct (Shamalyan was actually a reason why the Airbender movie even RESEMBLED the cartoon.) That doesn’t make this okay, especially since I know a similar ‘joke’ towards someone he’s a fan of would get you a video made on you.

Now onto one of his examples: He says it makes no sense for Robyn to be allowed to run for Atlas’ council because ‘she is stealing supplies from the government.’ Issue is: judging by the footage he’s using, he’s talking about Volume 7 Episode 5 “Sparks” where Robyn created a blockade and stopped a supply truck Qrow, Clover, Penny and Ruby were on. She never actually makes a move to steal the supplies in the episode though. While you could argue it wwas implied because she had people behind them hiding behind camoflague-

In his Cvit video, he criticized the guy for saying that we don’t know how long Futaba’s friend was abused by her parents when Cvit makes the argument that the friend was abused for over a decade, never entertaining other possibilities. You know, what he does. (P.S. Sparks is the same episode with the Jaune-Mothers ‘joke’.)

He uses this faulty and hypocritical point to jump off into how it would be a bad look for her to steal from the government even if it was for a good cause and that most government prevent people from running because of this. See, not only is this still based on a point even Kamen would argue is not enough- The context in the scene (that Mantle hates Atlas government and Robyn’s platform is based off that discontent...Huh) would show that even if she was stealing, it would HELP her image. As for the ‘governments prevent people convicted of theft for running for office’- She hasn’t stolen anything yet STILL. Also, in his Cvit video, he complains about a point where Cvit’s source edited out preceding text to make the phrasing of a certain textbox look extremely awkward. So again, hypocrisy.

Then we have...another shitty joke. A really bad one too. It’s the scene with Weiss and Winter talking the training room with the audio taken out and speech bubbles that say ‘Why are we just staring at each other?’ ‘I dunno...just to look cool?’. Not only is this blatantly not what is happening (you can tell their heads are bobbing from talking), I literally cannot take this ‘joke’ any other way than a malicious potshot at the show. It doesn’t function any other way. I’m trying to be calm and concise but this stuff really harms any benefit of doubt I can give.

His next point is-Oh god damnit, the fucking Penny frame up AGAIN. You know what is more frustrating than a shitty point? A shitty point repeated ad nauseum. Before Kamen even made this video, I had already argued every single perspective of this. There’s literally nothing new he can give?

Security? We never see how Tyrian got in and considering his immense agility and stealth: he could snuck in or hid in the warehouse.

Fanaus night vision? Not all Fanaus have night vision and most of the crowd was seen trying to rush out of the warehouse (during a scene Kamen shows no less). He also says the show alludes to Atlas being a racially biased system...even though Jacques Schnee says he pays all his workers equally (AKA he treats all his workers like shit.)

Scrolls? Again, most of the people are shown trying to run away and no one who remains is said to have brought their scrolls.

Break in the argument for a smug laugh even though all he’s done is repeat other people’s failed arguments. (Issue with either being bitch basic with your arguments or copying others? I’ll have fought the issue long before you make it.)

Ends with saying “When the lights come back on, there’s no blood on Penny’s blades!” (Cognitive bias against Atlas. Like say, calling a character a self insert over a scene that wasn’t written by the person.)

He goes onto say that this is just the latest example of contrived writing but because his points are all faulty, it doesn’t come across as contrived: it comes across as normal but Kamen is too focused on making everything look as bad as possible.

“But what about Robyn’s Semblance?!”

I dunno, why do people say that the Covington Catholic kids are still racist when we have proof otherwise? Cognitive bias is a thing. Robyn wouldn’t try testing this (even assuming she COULD since it would be logical Penny just ran off after this in fear) because it al ready confirms her own biases.

His whole temper tantrum here is all based on around pure logic...something he himself has argued against in media. This thing goes on and on and it just test my paitence and gives me more and more reason to assume Kamen isn’t just missing info, he’s indulging in willful ignorance.

Then we have him bitching about Yang and Blake telling Robyn what is going on and how it’s contrived that they would think that Robyn was on their side since she hasn’t done anything good. Issue? This is all based on KAMEN’S perspective. A perspective that, at best, is heavily biased against Robyn.

Thing is, Robyn’s thefts (which began AFTER he said they did) were to help repair the break in Mantle’s wall protecting them from the Grimm, something Team RWBY agrees with. Of course they’d assume Robyn is a good guy since she’s acting in the interests of the people, something they do as well. Robyn’s only bad when you completely ignore how James brushes over the current struggles of the people is elected to protect and serve in order for his bigger picture, a method they don’t agree with. Something the show is showing isn’t a good idea as people see him as uncaring and unfeeling to their struggles. 

“But Ironwood has been helping them!”

Cool. That has nothing to do with him alienating his own allies through his paranoia, causing Yang and Blake try and make peace with Robyn themselves. There’s also the fact that the team should be opposing this. After all, it’s the same thing Ozpin did to them and they chewed him out over it. And unlike with the lying to Ironwood, there would be no hints that this hypocrisy would be intended by the showrunners. So Kamen is literally advocating for bad writing here.

This was added in post edit by the way so the man literally shoved in a point that does nothing but push the theory he is biased without ever considering what is necessary in the show. Even though he demands it from others. It’s really inconsistent. Dare I say...the standards are contrived?

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Next is the ‘design work’ part. He’s says this is gonna be positive for a moment and it does lack his usual malice. Doesn’t mean it’s good.

He criticizes the designs of the main cast besides Ruby. He says that Blake’s design now emphasizes the color white despite supposedly being black before. Issue is that her alternate Vol.2 and Vol.4 designs also emphasized the color white and her original design has equal part black and white. Weiss’s is supposedly that her dark blue dominates her design and is too busy to be elegant. Issue is that it’s only on the jacket and it’s mostly the same color as her previous design (even having more white.) As for being elegant: I could definitely argue it goes for a military-esque elegance. And Yang is...too brown? Uh...her original outfit was dominated by being brown.

He praises Ruby’s for still having it’s red coloring but...it’s too red. Her original design was actually closer to being goth than Blake’s and was mostly black with bright red frills and her signature cloak. And her hair has drastically changed, like he complained about with Blake.  He really shouldn’t be giving Ruby a pass here.

I have nothing to say about his point ‘they’re all too busy.’ I feel like any side I take will be too heavily influenced by my own feelings at this point.

He complains about the logic behind the long fabrics being easy to grab onto and says that because they justified the new outfits with ‘it’s cold’ they should listen here. Issue- Not only are these two different trains of logic but by his own arguments, he should be arguing for all of them to wear white and wear bulky armor since that’s logical as well, following his logic. He doesn’t set what the limit should be.

Honestly this whole part is just kind of fluff. A lot of nothing was said and kind of feels like it was put in just to make the argument ‘Well I said something nice about RWBY!’

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Next up is ‘consistency’. ... Oh god.

“Aura was rewritten!’ He never cites what happened here but I know this dance so well I could get paid for it. Aura has always been a thing you needed to activate, back in Volume 1 where Jaune was cut by a branch and Pyrrha said ‘why don’t you use your aura?’. The supposed inconsistency comes from WOR: Aura saying it was passive even though certain definitions and uses of passive work under these examples. He also says that people cant use their Semblances when they run out of Aura but they still do, citing that old example of Yang’s Aura flickering in her character short. Flickering, not breaking. Meaning she still has Aura.

He also adds in that point about the WOR Atlas saying that the cold of Solitas killed the Grimm. While they are depicted as freezing here, it should be noted that the Grimm have been known to evolve and adapt. Meaning they could have easily evolved to withstand the cold. Again, editing out context which he says is bad.

“Hey, Miles. Kerry. You ever gonna acknowledge what you showed in the World of Remnant again these days?”

Dunno, are you ever gonna acknowledge what you say in your own videos? Glass houses Kamen.

I also find it funny that he calls out the ‘it’s just a cartoon!’ thing out of nowhere on a tangent even as he previously blocked me over this. Apparently contrivance is okay if it can be used as a shield. And if he has a problem with this, look over your videos not even just the RWBY ones You have said harsher- deal with it.

He goes onto criticize the argument of not all Fanaus have night vision because of specific moments...with Blake and Sun, only two Fanaus. In fact, the first example has him say that Blake and Sun used their night vision to escape a White Fang meeting. ... White Fang. Fanaus. He’s trying to argue that this is a case of Blake and Sun having night vision to contrast when she apparently ‘doesn’t’ but never notices that his own argument kind of confirms what the show said.

Then we have his other example of Blake against Illa were she couldn’t see Illa. A chameleon Fanaus. With camoflague. Where lighting up the room would alter how the colors look to see her more easily. ....

This whole point was about how the show doesn’t give strict rules to the Fanaus night vision, even though other shows with more fundamental powers (as in, the thing their premise is based on) bend these rules (like MHA with so many Quirks not being related to their physiology or Jojo bending every single Stand rule) for their plot. This isn’t directly bad as he says it is and he never emphasizes why anyone should care other than the strawman of ‘STRICT RULES!’ even as his own favorites don’t follow that.

He also says there’s no repercussions for the Penny cover up since he says it was to cause a riot to attract the Grimm but the Grimm disappear and people are being arrested for their rioting in  the next episode. ... The Grimm don’t invade until Episode 9. He’s talking about Episode 7. The arrest was for breaking curfew that Ironwood imposed afterwards to due the discontent from Jacques winning. Then we have the fact that Penny’s frame up leads to Robyn actually stealing supplies, which leads to Yang and Blake telling her about Amity, which leads to Ironwood’s paranoia taking over. So you know...kind of some of the biggest repercussions in the show.

I also remember he said it was to frame Penny in his contriavances section...which makes no sense if it was meant to cause a riot directly afterward. In trying to callout inconsistencies that don’t exist, he became inconsistent himself.

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Next part is “Don’t Show, Never Show”. .... How professional.

He begins by bitching at other people for misrepresenting his arguments about the Fanaus and how their oppression isn’t well shown. ... After he’s personally attacked the creators over a subject one of them is innocent and self conscious of and will mock that person for mocking his critics. Classy.

“Jacques is Orange Man bad stand-in-”

A. He never mentions anything about securing Atlas’ borders and in fact wants to OPEN them.

B. He’s never talked about making Atlas great or appealing to any sort of false patriotism.

C. He opposes the military whereas Trump supports them.

D. He has no slogans for his campaign, especially none like Trump’s/

E. He isn’t colluding with foreign powers aside from a generic bad guy orgnazation with no connections to the countries Trump is accused of.

F. Jacques being a slimy business man was made before Trump came into the presidency.

And G. Robyn Hill only connections to Hilarily Clinton is a gender and half a name (a name that is actually rather common in real life). In fact, considering her position is all about distrust in the government and appealing to the common man- She’s a closer stand in for TRUMP than Hilarlily. 

Again, argument’s been made a thousand times, beaten it a thousand times. 

His overall point is that Jacques is said to be a terrible parent but not shown, using the line from “This Life is Mine” ( Amazing how you conquered me, Chained me in servility) before going on to say that he ‘let her go to a different school’ (he was forced to), ‘Do whatever she wants so long as it doesn’t affect his business and reputation’ (contradicted by cutting her off, trying to limit her actions because of her ignoring his calls even though that does not affect his business or reputation), ‘spending his money at Beacon until she ignores his calls’ (finical abuse 101) and ‘she embarrassed him at a party by assaulting one of the guests.’

... The woman was outright mocking the people she knew, the ‘assault’ was an accidental summon, Jacques was trying to prevent her from just getting away from him, Jacques pressured her into singing for him despite her discomfort and never once tries to talk to his daughter like a person or calm her down, instead trying to silence her. All of THIS without getting his physical intimidation of grabbing her and slapping her, which is what Kamen strawmans the response being. Also ignoring what he did AFTER the slap, effectively trapping her in her room and spreading the idea she was unstable to save his image.

No amount of money matters here, ignoring once again that he tried withholding it once she acted outside what he wanted. That is the ‘chains of servility’ and I know you wouldn’t argue this outside RWBY. You’d be calling this ignorant beyond acception, Kamen.

“The worst examples of Jacques’ abuse happen outside the-”

Jacques’ worst abuse was being trapped in her own room for calling out the callousness of people smack talking a tragedy she went through. This is effectively mocking a war in front of a veteran then locking them in the basement while telling everyone they’re coocoo. That is in the show, stop trying to blame other materials THAT DO NOT EXIST just to appeal to a common compliant (about supplemental materials in RWBY).

“Well Winter abuses Weiss!”

So let me get this straight. A small smack on the back of the head before asking about her personal life to show she cares about Weiss (another example of cutting context) is at all comparable to abuse of parental power, controlling Weiss like a puppet and locking her up? What was your definition of contrivance and consistency again?

“Can I go off on a tangent?”

No. You have not earned that right. You have far exceeded any patience I should have given you. The fact I am STILL HERE is too much and I should just throw the rest of the video in that garbage dumb your delusion of the writing is. But I will STILL give you chance.

P.S. You use HBomberguy as an example? Even though one of the videos you chewed out in your Persona video (’Steven Universe is Garbage and Here’s Why’) is BASED OFF his work? So what? His hours long shit talking is okay? And no, this is not

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His next segment is titled ... “Okay What Is This Shit I’m Actually Cratching My Head I’m So Dumbfounded And Confused AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

... You misspelled “Scratching”.

He says the Grimm Attack after Robyn’s failed election was handled off screen. That never existed and the Grimm attacked THREE EPISODE LATER and is handled on screen.

He says that Jacques being arrested makes no sense because Watts can control technology and should have used it disable the security cameras in the Schnee Manor. As he outright says, Willow hid those cameras and Watts HACKS technology and cannot hack what he DOES NOT KNOW EXISTS. It’s outright said BY THE SHOW and SHOWN that he cannot just magically control technology.

He also questions how Willow got those cameras in there, ignoring that Jacques DOES NOT HAVE OMNISCENCE.  Why she did when she SAID it was to make sure he didn’t abuse her kids. When doesn’t fucking matter. It’s all pendantic bullcrap. You can apply this to any situation in media and I know Kamen would bitch about the show’s pacing if they did this because it would be boring as fuck.

He says that there was no foreshadowing that Willow set these cameras up which I would like to give...if not for the rest of his video which illustrates to me he would have made this point with or without foreshadowing.

“How come Robyn isn’t being arrested because she stole supplies?!”

A. Because you keep inferring she stole supplies BEFORE the election, I’ll have to assume it’s the same here and say SHE DIDN’T.

B. If you aren’t and have changed to saying AFTER the election: The show SHOWS YOU that they’ve been trying to arrest her. She’s been EVADING them.

C. If it’s at Jacques’ house: Remember what you said about image? Wanna guess how damaged Ol Jimmy’s image will be if he arrests his biggest critic while under suspicion of rigging the election against her AND being questioned for supposed abuse of power?

D. Gee, not like the heating system in an artic climate shut down, Jacques just got exposed for helping a KNOWN CRIMINAL TOO, The Grimm actually invade, they have to save all the people, things collapse between RWBY and Ironwood and a fuckton of other things of higher priority than one woman stealing supplies to fix something IRONWOOD HIMSELF SHOULD BE FIXING.

“Hur dur, Salem generic’

Says the Jojo and Yugioh fan. Say, how did your precious VRAINS turn out again hm?

“HEY, WHY NO RUBY TELL IRONWOOD AND TAKE RESPONBILITY?!”

Maybe because there’s a bunch of soulless abominations currently running amok in a city full of innocents so she should take responsibility as an official Huntress and do her damn job while the comparatively combat inept Oscar handle the non combat situation. Or did you want contrivance to work in your favor even though you’ve been proven to be a biased liar who will betray everything he stands in order to make a shit point about a flawed show he couldn’t criticize with a fucking guide on it?

“Why not have Ruby stand behind and say ‘I’ll catch up with you later’?-”

Because you’ll cut context and make her look irresponsible. Your suggestions mean NOTHING when you have proven that you have no honesty on the subject and will flip flop to suit yourself.

Also I love how you mock Mediaocrity4 for ‘treating his opposition as idiots’ as your fucking video STARTED and is littered with you doing JUST THAT. Fuck, I bet you’ll do JUST THAT with this post. 

“Oh look at this character who has been shown as overly emotional, rash and prone to not thinking when mad act in line with her character how dumb!”

Gee, like say...., A shut in otaku making constant video game and anime references in, let’s say, a JRPG filled with these references? 

Huh, guess you agree more with Cvit than you say.

“Dur, fistcuffs mean Jojo!”

Oh wait, Fist of the North Star did it first. And it’s a stable in most fighting anime. But hey, who cares in Kamen shanks Jojo in the back if it means lashing out against RWBY amirite?

“It’s like the context of the fights-”

Where the Ace Ops against RWBY are highly emotional, having felt betrayed by people they though as comrades and acting individually instead as duos or even as a team while all being people with shown emotional issues failing to defeat a far calmer and more developed team that have been working with them and are aware of their flaws?

Or that Clover tried to blindly follow Ironwood’s orders just as Qrow did in the past with Ozpin as the two characters heavily mirror each other, Qrow tried to fight Tyrian at first even as Clover attacked him and never actually helped Tyrian (in facting ATTACKING HIM at one point) after Clover tried arresting him in front of Robyn, someone known to do rash things when it comes to Ironwood?

I’m so glad you decided to FOR ONCE IN THIS ENTIRE, NEARLY FOURTY MINUTE VIDEO actually pay attention to the show and not the memes of the people who agree with you.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Conclusion”

‘Like I said in the Steven Universe Movie, I don’t let the fanabse dictate my opinion on something-’

Which is why there wasn’t a single original viewpoint, perspective, criticism, wording or even ‘jokes’, all shit ripped straight from the mouths of others. It’s all shit I’ve seen before by other people. If I absorbed even more of this bullshit, I’d probably be able to see exact wordings in here too, I am THAT certain you didn’t think about this for yourself.

If you did, you would have noticed that you were repeating the exact same mistakes you constantly criticize in others. You would have seen that you were making assumptions based on your preconceived notion of ‘RWBY bad’ and not what the show itself was doing. You would have seen the vidnictive smugness you decried MatPat over. You would have seen the immense hypocrisy you called out before. You would have stuck to what you called your principles.

You have the failures of your biggest targets in this very video. The bias and brain rot of Quinton Reviews, the hack job of MatPat, the manipulativeness of Verlsify, the sheer level of bullshit of Cvit. You burned every single standard you set for others here, you did every wrong thing you screamed about, you failed in the same ways as those you profited from criticizing. Again, because I said all this THE LAST TIME and yet you got WORSE. 

You mock and belittle the creators even as you give them every reason to treat you like shit because even the worst they’ve done looks justified compared to what you pulled. ‘Oh they said that people being mean is so bad!’ says the man preying on his weakness. ‘Oh he’s shit talking his critics!’ says the open liar. ‘Oh the writing was done by platypuses!’ says the man who wants to be taken seriously. ‘Oh it’s just a joke!’ Says the man who bitched out MatPat over jokes. 

And I guarantee you’ll cry foul at me if you ever find this, decrying me as just a salty RWBY fanboy. And this time, I’m not accepting any excuses. You HAD your chances. 

4chan trolls are more respectable than you. They have principles and stick to them. Fanboys are more respectable than you. They don’t claim to be anything else. And yes, your targets are more respectable than you. Their channels aren’t based on hypocrisy THIS deeply rooted.

I regret ever watching you because you were clearly speaking out of your ass.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Post-Edit:

So i edited a couple of my less explained points to get my issue across. Just saying this here so that no one accuses me of editing the source for malicious purposes.

As for why I didn’t rewrite the last two sections to remove my anger: that stays to prove a point. I had tried to stay neutral or at least calm throughout the video. But my frustrations just kept on building as you became increasingly smug and condescending, even though you called out such shit against others. I can’t even respect your arguments as arguments because considering the erratic nature of this video as well as how out of place some of them are (”Orange Man Bad”): it sounds like you just took every single compliant ever said about Volume 7 and threw it in. 

You end all your videos saying ‘Examine Your Fandom’. Did you ever do that yourself?

[bucksbisexual]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA OKAY LAST ONE OF MY OPINION POSTS HERE GOES EP12:

[breathes in]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i’m so fucking happy with this ending

it’s such a good happy ending this is truly what the gays deserve i’m just happiness in physical form rn

i don’t even know where to start but i’ll try to make this as chronological as my brain allows me because my memory do be sucking

i’m gonna put a keep reading because this shit will get loooooong kjshfkf okay let’s do this

so.. we start with PETE EXPOSING NON(T)’S BRAT ASS!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YES THATS MY BABY THATS MY BOY!!!!!!!!!!

kao’s mom being a fucking badass and telling her BOSS how to do shit. i love her yall I LOVE HERRRRRRRR

also kao’s mom telling kao that she wasn’t the most amazing person ever was so cute because you can see kao’s light bulb turning on sjfkhsgsh please i love them

yes i will say i love x after every single one of these u can’t stop me

from the teaser i thought kao would dashi run run run to pete’s house but thankfully he took a taxi lmao

at least he didn’t run there because he had to run from pete’s house (or may i say, mansion) to the POOL my man is a whole athlete oh my god

KAO YELLING HE LOVES PETE!!!!!!!!!!! IN THE MIDDLE OF A CLOSED SPACE WITH PEOPLE IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HE DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK IF THEY HEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THATS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT BABYYYYYYYY

also a beautiful parallel to the scene from ep1 (i noticed there’s a lot of parallels in this episode we stan character development and repeating things just so the viewers can see how consistent the couples are)

the kiss from that scene............... beautiful amazing gorgeous idk many words in english to describe how i felt while watching and how i feel about it

to that i think we cut to sunmork but i don’t remember what happened because of the kiss KJHFKSL SORRY

anygays i rlly like how this whole episode is sun being a clingy bih and mork gay panicking while trying to act like a confident gay when he knows that sun outconfidentgays him i love them lmao

okay after that i think it’s petekao having food with their parents all together and god i looooooove this scene

pete’s dad being the lgbt ally dad all of us lgbt fellas with homo/transphobic dads wish we had will never fail to make me soft i love that man pls be my dad too

also kao’s mom :-(( i love her she respected her son’s decision on not coming out until he was ready even though she already smelled it (reminds me of my mom lmao) and was always there for him even when kao didn’t say anything :-(((((((((((

petekao bickering will never get old i swear i love every time they do because that’s so..... men it makes their characters more real

i know there’s a lot (not that much because i admit this episode was kinda short?? idk maybe it’s just me) between that scene and this one but THE SQUAD EATING ALL TOGETHER AGAIN!!!!!!!! AND THEM TEASING PETEKAO!!!!!! PLEASE I LOVE THEM

pete literally not knowing how to stop the audio and broadcasting live TO THE WHOLE COUNTRY that time when he told kao he loved him through the teddy bear...... peak pete culture

the fact that ppl love them and they have a whole hashtag on twitter makes me soft because usually when someone is famous in bls the fans hate the other part of the couple but in this one??? oh no honey we stan petekao in this household hate is not allowed it’s actually prohibited illegal

okay let me backtrack a bit skjfhsjf

OH YES I FORGOT!!!! manow wanting to talk with mork was so weird when i saw the teaser for the episode but after seeing them talk i was like oooooh okay i understand

sun saying “what’s your girl saying to my boy” is probably one of my favourite lines of this drama KLHSJFLF

rain reading their lips fskjfjsf and when mork said “fuck you rain” HIS FACE SKJFHKSJSLFJ HE WAS SCARED SHITLESS but also the end of this scene was so cute i love these three

i just did a bit of skipping through the episode to try and actual make an order out of this mess and the petekao+parents thing comes now,,,,,, anygaYS

then it’s more teasing between sunmork blah blah

then MORK SPEAKING THE MF TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!! quoting the actual dialogue “it’s my choice to tell or not tell anyone. i should get to decide”

OUTING SOMEONE ISN’T COOL!!!!!!! IT’S NOT OKAY!!!!!!!!!!! NO LGBT PERSON WILL EVER WANT TO BE OUTED!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON’T DO THAT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rain had good intentions but it doesn’t mean that it was right of him to do so

okay this got serious,, sun going to rain’s bed with not one but Two pillows when barely two people fit in that bed.... oh to be that iconic and carelessly gay

back to petekao because we will never get enough of these two (which is why i’ll probably watch the our skyy episode tomorrow just to cry over these fools)

it’s so weird to see tay being like this after watching him being himself in other things like the live lunch and taynew meal date and other things i’ve randomly watched during this week to retain myself from finishing this series in a night ksfjhsfkshlks

also kao helping pete shave and pete being like do u like my moustache or should i shave it for u my lord SFHKFJ the domesticity and just the feeling of two idiots being in love i love them with my whole heart

kao staying at pete’s house because it’s both of their first days as interns and kao!!!!! he works for pete’s dad!!!!!!! pete’s dad accepted him into his company!!!!!! i love them

also the bickering between those three sjfkhs “hello im pete im from thailand” “that’s all you’ll say today” THAT WAS SO FUNNNY SKJFHSKFHSFJSFL

THE MESSAGE IN THE TEDDY BEAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KAO CALLING PETE LOVE PLEASE IM GONNA CRYYYYYYYYYYYY I LOVE THESE FOOLS

okay so the squad eating together is right after this but i already talked about it ksjfhsfh next!!

idk if it’s a big time skip or a small one but guess what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MANOW AND RAIN ARE DATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY STRAIGHT BABIES YES I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU AAAAAAAAAAAAA

manow is so pretty and rain is so cute they’re both so lucky my bisexual ass is crying

pete being “angry” at kao being so handsome,,, a mood

but also.. pete being possessive was h*t

there i said it and i don’t regret it

random but i will miss kao’s annoying ass saying “about aboyz” sjfkhsfh

pete being like “i will have to give u more love bites (ffs gmmtv just say hickies we are all at an age where we know what love bites are) so no one flirts with u” and kao being like “bitch try me” sjfhksfj i’m loving bratty kao

also that scene turned into furry kao real quick KJHDKJFSHJF

okay now it’s: mork’s birthday party time!!

rain and manow arrive first and are the cutest couple around because the two main gays haven’t arrived yet (being gay AND punctual? not possible)

sun and rain fighting in the kitchen was peak siblings culture skfhksjf

mork being ready to leave his own birthday party with a stranger who also plays pokemon go just to have a battle................ dumbass bisexual energy

said stranger is eARN FROM 2GETHER!!!!!! FILM IS IN THIS TOO!!!!!!!! first the girl who plays yuri in yyy and now film who plays earn in 2gether is here too??? damn wlw keep winning (also headcanon: theyre dating/seeing each other because LESBIANS periodt)

okay petekao arrive and wont u guess whats their present for mork,,,,,, the mf TEDDY BEAR and kao rlly says that they should use it since theyre so lip sealed lmao

rain and manow literally gave mork a present not for him but for sun im- i love these two

MORK FINALLY SAID YES TO BEING BOYFRIENDS OH MY GOD DUDE U ACTUALLY HAD ME WORRIED THERE FOR A SEC

also sun being a whole koala and being a horny bitch is so funny sfhskfjskl my man has his priorities set

their last scene is so cute :-(( poor rain will have to live with this until he moves out sjfhksjf

oh boi the ending is near hhhhhhh

kao teaching his class an equation that ends up in i < 3 u is the most kao thing i��ve ever seen

also kAO IS BOOKED AND BUSY BABYYYYYYYYYY GET THOSE COINS HONEY

pete being like “u haven’t spent enough time with me lately >:-(” was cute jhkfjs my man is needy of kao and i understand that because have u seen kao? exactly

kao teasing him with not having forgotten the cup this time and pete being his possessive self was.. splendid

every reference to something that happened with non(t) hurts but also i love how they just tease each other because they know that now their relationship is stronger than it’s ever been and that nothing and no one will come between them

the scenes they show during the last last scenes :-((( BOYFIES!!!!!!

and i love how they decided to end the show with them holding hands in public

i would explain why i do but it’s 6:26 am and i’ve been writing this for at least half an hour already and my laptop is heating up a lot and im sweating because it’s hot in here so get down on the floor pipiipipipipipipi

kdjhkdfhs sorry im not sleepy this is just my brain without a filter it’s just gay shit and a big repertoire of songs

god okay that was my opinion on the last episode of dark blue kiss...........

needless to say that i will eat every bit of content related to petekao after this because writing this i already miss them and i can’t wait to watch our skyy tomorrow idk where but i will

i really really REALLY liked this drama and it’s one of the two bl dramas (not counting the untamed) i’ve given a full 10/10 rating on mdl because it’s THAT good

everything about this drama is just.. chef’s kiss i love it i will probably rewatch it when my plan to watch is empty but it’s a pretty long list so.. hopefully i’ll ignore that and just rewatch sjkfhslf

i’ll of course watch kiss and kiss me again just for the petekao, the squad and rain scrumbs because i’m sure that the petekao compilations don’t show everything

but yeah im just.. i love this show it’s been a rlly long time since i started writing this but i’m still happy because it’s so good and truly gave us a good happy ending and i swear i cannot emphasise enough how important good happy endings in lgbt media are!!!!!!!!!!

anygays im hungry and ready to submerge myself in the dbk tags, see u all tomorrow for my our skyy petekao episode version of this,,,,,

till then, stay safe ! bYE

[fmdjaewonarchive]

► alarm.

date(s): 25 july - 20 august 2020 mentions of: soo (very briefly, like, literally once) word count: 1,439 warnings: n/a details: a solo for the first two episodes of our songs filming, mainly focussed on the creative process behind writing alarm.

‘i’m feeling pretty confident’ had been one of jaewon’s closing remark when they had interviewed him as they had finished the first day of filming when they had just received the mission.

of course, that was a big fucking lie.

jaewon’s confidence was nowhere to be found, neither were any actual ideals as to how to tackle the mission. all there was was the overwhelming anxiety about how he was going to mess this up, how he was gonna fail before he even got to properly try.

a song that would convince everyone to listen to his music, that had to be a damn joke right? jaewon couldn’t name a single reason as to why anyone should listen to his music, he just made something that sounded good to his own ears and hoped anyone would share the sentiment. the longer he thought about it, the more he felt like truly he had nothing to do on this show.

what had he gotten himself into?

-----------------------------------------------------

the thing was, jaewon wasn’t a composer. he had dabbled around in it a little bit but none of it had ever been shared with the world and that was for a very simple reason, he didn’t think his work was anywhere near professional enough to be released for other people to hear.

dimensions entertainment seemed to agree with that, which was why the had put him in one of the companies many studios with one of the in-house producers.

(a part of jaewon felt like this was cheating. surely, plenty of the other contestants possessed the skill to manage the entire creative process behind their songs themselves. didn’t that in itself mean they were much more talented than he was? what did they still need this fucking show for?)

“the theme is identity right?” the producer asked. he knew the man decently well, they’d worked together on a few songs through the years which at least meant that he was familiar with jaewon’s music to some degree. “so what of your currently released songs describes your identity the most? that should give us a decent starting point for creating an instrumental you can work with.”

jaewon’s eyebrows furrowed together at the question. a long, silent moment passing as he contemplated the answer. “anything from biorhythm.” he responded, expression wry as he remembered his last album, what a mess that had been. “roommates only or still if you want me to get specific.”

“and you want another song like those on biorhythm?” the producer asked. it was a fair question. if there was one thing jaewon had been guilty of so far with his music it was probably getting stuck in his comfort zone, any songs that he had a big creative input in had always been written for himself, not because he had been tasked to do so but because they came easily to him. he had yet to really branch out of that safe zone.

but this mission was about his identity and if anything described his identity well, it was probably the biorhythm album.

“yeah, for now i do.” jaewon admitted with a light nod. “might i actually manage to get somewhere on this show i can worry about experimenting or thinking outside the box or whatever.” if he would even get that far and with how it was going so far, jaewon didn’t know if he dared to hope for that. “for now i think i need something familiar, something that fits in well with the rest of my music.” in an afterthought he added “like, my actual music, not whatever dimensions decided my sound was for that cluster fuck of a last album.” and the comment earned him a humored scoff from the producer before they got to work.

they ended up working way longer than the initially scheduled studio time, evening bleeding into the night before either of them really realized it. but the hard work paid off because by the time he bids the producer a good night and goes home, jaewon has the bare bones of a song. so far, the track was a gentle piano tune that blended into a deep, more electronic bass sound in the chorus that added to the overarching melancholic feel of the song.

most importantly, it sounded like his song. the producer had painstakingly made sure that every sound, every beat had been to jaewon’s liking, perfectly tailored to a song that sounded so entirely his that it felt like the man had been reading his mind. only it sounded better than anything jaewon could have ever made with his own two hands.

it managed to calm his nerve some, having a solid starting point to start working from. maybe, this wasn’t doomed to go wrong after all, maybe jaewon could manage to stand his ground in this competition after all. for the first episodes then at least.

also, he really owed this poor producer something for keeping him up till like 3 am.

-----------------------------------------------------

logically, the next step was to write the lyrics, simple enough right?

except it wasn’t.

it hadn’t been for a lack of trying, there had been multiple days so far where jaewon had locked himself in his home studio, trying to force himself to write the damn song already with very little success. there had been a few drafts, all of which he had abandoned long before they could really take a solid shape. none of it was simply good enough.

how was he gonna prove himself as a songwriter if he couldn’t even write one fucking song?

the biggest problem was that jaewon was slowly running out of time. he had told himself to make sure he had the bulk of his work done by the 7th of august. not because he would be pushing the deadline too soon otherwise, hell, the final version didn’t have to be in till the 30th. but unity made their comeback on the 7th (their first one in over a year) and jaewon knew it would take a huge toll on the time he had to write, he had to be done before then.

instead, the 7th came and went without a single lyric written.

it was the 12th already (or maybe technically the 13th already judging by how late at night it was) when he found time to withdraw himself into his home studio again and truth be told, jaewon had little faith he would actually be able to get anything done. he was absolutely drained, the day had been long and hectic and judging from the fact he had to do the whole circus over again the next day as well, starting way too early in the damn morning, he probably direly needed his sleep.

god, all jaewon wanted was to sleep in, just one day, no alarms or anything.

now wait a damn minute…

maybe tonight would amount to something after all.

for someone that had been so lethargic mere minutes ago, jaewon managed to pull up audio file of the track in mere seconds, listening to the instrumental in it’s entirety a time or two, tapping his fingers along on the desk to the music before he began writing.

don’t set it today alarm, alarm, alarm, close, close, close your eyes

he finished the entire first draft that night, only forcing himself to put the pen down so he would at least sleep. the irony of the situation mocked him as he put his alarm for 6am before getting in bed and wrapping himself around soo for a mere 2 hours of sleep but he didn’t dwell on it.

-----------------------------------------------------

it took him another two late night sessions to finish up the lyrics for the final product but truth be told, said studio time was divided between nearly falling asleep and actually writing as unity’s promotions began to weight down on him harder the more they progressed.

not that there was much of a rush. the official recording was only scheduled for the 20th of august to incorporate whatever working points that had come from the live preview he had given during filming a few days earlier into the final version of the song.

he was yet again aided by the same producer that he had been working with before, the one that had so kindly composed the instrumental for him. “you ready?” the man asked through microphone connecting to the recording booth.

“yeah, yeah let’s do this.” jaewon responded, words followed with a half-hearted thumbs up before adjusting the headphones on his head. he looked almost confident in the whole thing.

almost.

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2015

This is the last list that was kind of difficult to do and where some cuts had to be made. The next four ones weren’t very good years music-wise and generally speaking.

Also there’s something that embarrasses me even more than Blue (Eiffel 65) somewhere on this top ten. Oops.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

2015 was a bit calmer, apart from the fact I moved out of the appartment and bought one instead of renting one. This is still where I’m living nowadays, it’s not big but having no landlord is a LOT less stressful even if it will take a long time to pay the loan (one time the lock broke and I couldn’t get out and the landlord refused to fix it OR pay for a new lock if I decided to call someone to fix it ; another time someone who had a spare key opened the door while I was wearing a bathrobe and was like “oh. You’re here” and I was like “...I mean..... yeah.... 'cause I live here”). I also made new friends online that year and felt less isolated.

Sidenote, my first “flat” mp3 player’s battery died today but after a quick emergency operation I was able to save the data on it. I used that mp3 player from roughly 2008 to 2013 so that’s a relief, it kinda has sentimental value and I was still using it to listen to DW audios nowadays from time to time.

As you can see in the first picture, my super old portable cd player, which still works fine, by the way, is judging this little amateur so hard right now.

So! This is the year Faithless dropped Faithless 2.0, 21 Pilots dropped Blurryface, Mylène Farmer dropped the surprisingly quite good (for this point in her career) Interstellaires, and Carly Rae Jepsen dropped E MO TION, which would have been my favorite album of the year... if Nightwish hadn’t made the absolutely jawdropping Endless Forms Most Beautiful. A symphonic metal concept album about Earth and evolution and the place of humanity in the universe?? Excuse me? Who’s read my christmas list? My favorite songs on it are Alpenglow, Shudder Before The Beautiful, the title track, Edema Ruh which has the best intro, and of course The Greatest Show On Earth, which is an incredibly ambitious, kinda bloated and quite pretentious (in a good way) song about the history of Earth, looking back from a future where mankind is extinct and concluding “we were here”, and holy shit I get emotional every time, and it’s 24 minutes long, and I still never get bored when I relisten to it. Just amazing.

As far as unelligible songs that piss me off go, it’s all Carly Rae Jepsen: I Really Like You, and especially Run Away With Me. If they had been elligible, that last one would be my #1, definitely.

Here’s some... uh, a lot of honorable mentions, actually.

Budapest (George Ezra) and Chandelier (Sia) - Still elligible, still not on the list.

Cheerleader (OMI) - I have no idea why people dislike this song.

Ex’s and Oh’s (Elle King) - This is one of these songs that would be higher on the list if I had better taste. I still like it a lot though.

FourFiveSeconds (Rihanna, Kanye West, Paul McCartney) - Ditto.

You Know You Like It (DJ Snake) - Great drop. The rest is meh.

Miracle (Julian Perretta) - The opposite of the previous one ; a fantastic song let down by its drop.

Uma Thurman (Fall Out Boy) - This song makes absolutely no sense but it’s a lot of fun nonetheless.

Lean On (Major Lazer) - Super overplayed but holy shit this is incredibly catchy. The bridge is especially great.

Want to want me (Jason Derulo) - If this guy had that kind of song in him why does he suck most of the time. What happened.

Hundred Miles (Yazz) - Nice earworm that never got annoying.

Are you with me (Lost frequencies) - Basically a less good version of Waves from the previous year. This is a compliment.

Ain’t Nobody (Felix Jaehn) - And this is the less good version of Rather Be from the previous year. This is also a compliment.

Laissez Passer (Maître Gims) - When I started to check French hit songs from years where I basically wasn’t listening to the general local radio anymore, some friends told me they were grabbing popcorn and waiting for me to start hating some specific acts. Maître Gims was one of them. To their disappointment, I love just about every non-love, non-breakup hit song he’s ever made. Oops.

Love Me Harder (Ariana Grande & The Weeknd) - It took me ages to like The Weeknd but this song helped a lot. This just sounds fantastic regardless of the content (just saying this because I have a tendency to dislike stuff like that). He isn’t even the best singer of the two on this track, wow.

Millionnaire (Soprano) - In a worse year, this would make the list without question. The lyrics aren’t that original but still very good (love the line “remplis-moi les poches d’espoir” (fill my pockets with hope)) and the melody is just beautiful.

On écrit sur les murs (Kids United) - If you recall I put the original version of this on my 1990 list because I liked the Kids United version a lot and also had nothing else to put at the 10th spot on the 1990 list. The fact that I don’t even have enough space for the better version on this list says a lot about how abysmal 1990 was, music-wise.

And now, the actual list!

10 - Centuries (Fall Out Boy)

US: #43 / FR: Not on the list

Why are these guys still on my lists.

No, seriously. Why. This is yet another song that would be better if it was faster. And the sample is badly used. So I have no idea why it works. One of these days I’ll have to reevaluate Fall Out Boy’s entire discography, take a good look at myself, and admit I possibly like this band and that I’ve been lying to myself for like 15 years... but today is not that day.

9 - Sapés Comme Jamais (Maître Gims)

US: Not on the list / FR: #10

Told you I liked Maître Gims!

Listen. It’s not my place to comment on the ethics of the whole La Sape movement (which can be summarised as “modern black dandies trying to get the most expensive & beautiful clothes possible”) but you have to admit it’s super cool to have a more energetic and fun version of Suit And Tie. God, that beat. And it’s a ton of fun to sing along with the chorus! And it’s such a convincing song when it’s combined with the music video, you kinda want to look as cool and confident as these guys.

Also quick shoutout to the Sapeuses. Absolute legends & queens, every last one of them.

8 - Style (Taylor Swift)

US: #29 / FR: Not on the list

That year my s.o went to a party I didn’t want to go to and came back home completely drunk & way too late, crashed on the couch and started to ramble about how “Style” by Taylor Swift had a better sound mixing than the entirety of Epica’s latest album at the time and how amazing it was. For like half an hour.

I completely agree, just to clarify.

7 - Cool For The Summer (Demi Lovato)

US: #53 / FR: Not on the list

In what is possibly the least controversial opinion on this entire list: I love Cool For The Summer, the melody is great, the lyrics are good, the singing is the best, and you all know that and you all love this song, so yeah. Moving on to-

Oh god here comes #6. Oh shit. Oh no.

Can’t we just skip it and pretend-

6 - Animals (Maroon 5)

US: #46 / FR: Not on the list

So. I.

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuh.

How can I justify this bullshit.

The truth is: I can’t. Not really. I’m not even entirely sure what happened here. I hate this band and have always hated them, from the start. The lyrics are painfully stupid. The singing is as atrocious as ever. The “AWOOOOO” bit on the bridge is absolutely ridiculous. None of Levine’s “oh look at me I’m so dangerous” act remotely works. There isn’t a single thing I find competent here apart from the melody. I mean it. I’m not saying any of this to look cool. If I wanted to look cool, this certainly wouldn’t be on the list.

But you know what, the sheer incompetence on display here may be exactly why I like it. If it was a credible serial killer song written like an upbeat pop song, it would be disturbing and unlistenable. But the way it’s made, it simply sounds stupid, so you keep imagining some sort of inoffensive nerd pretending he’s a horrible monster (and failing) whenever you hear it. And that, I think, is what pushes it squarely into the “so bad it’s f█cking fantastic” territory, where it joins Butterfly from my 2001 list.

That sounds about right.

5 - Adventure of a Lifetime (Coldplay)

US: Not on the list / FR: #29

I haven’t mentioned A Head Full of Dreams in that year’s albums, because it came out at the very end of 2015 so I mostly consider it to be a 2016 album. It’s not as good as Mylo Xyloto, and not as consistant as Ghost Stories, but it contains some real gems. Adventure of a Lifetime isn’t nearly my favorite song on it, and I still put it super high here. I love the lyrics in particular (”under this pressure, under this weight, we are diamonds taking shape” oh damn) but the song itself just makes you want to move. I literally can’t listen to it without at least moving my head in rhythm a little bit. It’s nearly as colorful as the album cover. And it’s a joy to sing along the “woooohooooo”s!

4 - Stolen Car (Mylène Farmer & Sting)

US: Not on the list / FR: #61

This is Stolen Car (Take Me Dancing), from Sting (2004), rewritten as a half English half French duet where it’s unclear if the female singer is the imaginary lover or the car in the story. You might want to re-read that sentence.

What did I say on a previous list? Ah yes, “I see a duet between two singers I like and I die instantly”. This is also the last time Mylène Farmer is going to appear on one of my lists. I could say “self care”, but I genuinely don’t like any of her more recent hits, at all. Whatever. She’s been on these lists since the very first one (1988) anyway.

It’s been a wild ride, to say the least.

3 - Shut Up And Dance (Walk the Moon)

US: #6 / FR: Not on the list

And for the second least controversial opinion on this list: despite the massive overplay, I never EVER got tired of this, it’s colorful, energetic, super fun, and it’s still on my mp3 player to this day. Just a fantastic song. And a great band! I wish One Foot had been elligible for a future list, it’s super good. Aw.

2 - Ego (Willy Williams)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69

This is a song about a guy who imagines himself as this super cool elegant dude, but when he looks at himself in the mirror he hates everything he’s seeing.

I know this isn’t supposed to be a song about gender dysphoria but my god is this shit relatable.

To make things even better, it’s served by creepy music box sounds ala The Birthday Massacre and by an untouchable, strange beat. It’s a dark, weird song, but it’s all kinds of wonderful and catchy as hell, and apparently I’m not the only one to think that considering the mindboggling number of views on the youtube music video. Watch it if you haven’t seen it, it’s hypnotic and makes the song even better.

I only discovered this song last year but I’ve listened to it so much since then I really debated if this should be at the #1 spot. It’s just... so horribly relatable.

But you know what’s even more relatable?

Being broke and sad and still trying to have the time of your life.

1 - Downtown (Macklemore & Ryan Lewis)

US: #84 / FR: Not on the list

Some people call this Thriftshop 2.0 but I think it’s even better than Thriftshop, which was, if you recall one of my previous lists, already pretty damn good in my opinion.

As you probably already know, it’s a song about a guy buying a moped and bragging about him and his friends, and their mopeds, and how cool they look when they ride downtown on their mopeds. I never owned a moped in my life. But I have a super small & shitty car which I love very much and so it’s very relatable. Also I’ve never written the word ‘moped’ so often in a single paragraph before in my life.

I love every single person who sings on this track. I love the music video. I’ve been trying to match the flow of the second verse ever since it came out and I still can’t do it with my shitty accent. It’s full of weird and corny lines, but that’s also why I love it so much. The dialogue at the beginning! “Dope, my crew is ill, and all we need is two good wheels”! “Head into the dealership and drop a stack and cop a Kawasaki, I'm stunting on everybody, hella raw, pass the wasabi”! “My seat is leather, alright, I'm lying, it's pleather / But girl, we could still ride together / You don't need an Uber, you don't need a cab / F█ck a bus pass, you got a moped man”!! “Cut the bullshit / Get off my mullet / Stone washed, so raw / Moped like a bullet - NYAOOOOOO”!! “Running around the whole town / Neighbors yelling at me like, "You need to slow down." / Going thirty-eight, Dan, chill the f█ck out / Mow your damn lawn and sit the hell down”!!! Oh shit, I basically quoted one third of the song. I just. Ugh. I love it so much, okay?

Cringe culture is dead and we peed on its grave. We spend enough time in our lives feeling miserable. Like what you like. Even if it’s super ridiculous. No: especially if it’s super ridiculous. Live a little, damn it.

Next up: The Year Everything Went Wrong Except Pop Music

[kae-karo]

Hi Katie! I just want you to know that I want your analysis of this new sims video more than anything and I'll just patiently wait for it... Have a nice day!

hi dear!! new sims vid, did u mean dnp simulator?

dorks spending the first ten seconds dancing in fake snow 

why virtual friends???? ??

my daddies gave to me y’all,,,,,,there’s knowing your branding and then there’s acting on that knowledge and i think this may have been one time where acting on your knowledge maybe was not a good call like ily and u do u and all but

i love phil loving his branding it’s cute also shoutout to @dnpscloset​ thanks for finding it (x) bc i want one now if anyone needs a last minute xmas idea i’m lookin at u mom u always wait til the last minute

same dan, same

‘we all have new faces and new lives and everything’s changed, this is gonna be hella dramatic’ *inhale* *exhale*

‘when u imagine the howlter family’ god they’re such adorable n sentimental nerds i love them

phil’s actual default is bein a leany boye

dnp arguing about what ‘desperate’ actually is as if the entirety of their first year after meeting they weren’t talking as often as they could five hour skype calls amirite

get away from me stalker lmao bold of u to say that danny

phil sweetie i love you with my entire heart he’s so so excited abt the virtual snow i love him

tiny zoom in jumpcut at 2:08 overlapping audio interesting

a mood and a half

phil immediately going ‘yeahhhhh thin walls family hearing things they gotta get out’ abt dab and evan like m8 we get it all u think abt is sex we get it god u and ur husband really are made for each other aren’t u (dnp = devan reference #1)

‘i presume evan is also jobless’ ‘i hope so!’ phil is it really,,,,,,smth to be excited about,,,,,,,

dan’s doin a lot of the hand phone lately u cute boy

we should have a redbull what is wrong with them phil can barely handle having too much sugar y’all thought it was a good idea to have a redbull also we should have a redbull they share literally everything which tbh is probs for the best lbr phil on a whole can of redbull hmmmmm yes ik it’s v possible and in fact probable that phil had his own can let me live

‘it’s a sensible lightweight jacket’ in the fucking snow wow dan u really did just set urself up for phil to drag u about not dressing for the weather

dan’s fucking laugh at 4:39 gives me life literally there is no purer and more adorable sound like that’s up there with kittens purring

‘i think he’s gonna be a bit of a diva in this relationship’ did you mean: dan howell (dnp = devan reference #2)

[slight bit of ankle is showing] dan: ‘and now you’re wearing shorts’

where’s the lie tho honestly that lil pause before he said mate

this clip will live in infamy bc i want this in every fucking phan edit for the rest of time like i can’t even think of the right out-of-context clip right now but anything that can be answered with phil saying ‘it’s dan’ i need it

mandatory phil covering his mouth and bein a cutie

yes destroy gender roles in the snow universe (although seriously dan’s ‘life is just about uncon-doing the horrible conditioning of all these gender stereotypes, phil’ is so important also i stan phil recognizing that before dan i think it’s really easy to forget that just bc up til recently he’s not been as expressive as dan of his opinions on how stupid gender roles are doesn’t mean he doesn’t have just as if not more progressive a mindset than dan)

‘it’s like a dan vs phil’ dnp = devan #3

dan has such a lovely singing voice i miss him singing

dude phil’s eyebrows are making a Solid appearance v expressive

i s2g this is a different moment from the one above he’s just so fricken cute???

‘but they’ve got each other’s backs, phil, just like dab and evan’ yeeeeaaaa i’m gonna go ahead and go with dnp = devan reference #4 here i think that’s fair

snow angels are the least fun thing to do and yet (x - it literally won’t let me put it in bc it’s a privated vid rip)

amazing they just started having a snowball fight how cute n domestic am i talking abt dnp or dab and evan hmmmm - dnp = devan #5

i get that infinity war was a meme but lads it’s time to let it go

‘and they’re called the howlters’ lmao as if u ain’t an honorary lester daniel (dnp = devan #6)

i’m living for phil’s excitement i mean if that’s what redbull does to him i’m here for it i guess?

hi they’re dumb this was cute

‘we don’t want to be those people, but for us personally, we very much found that you just need to just move into a big city of some kind and just jump into life with both feet’ this is not only adorable advice but also where dnp simulator comes into play aka we did this so uhh dab n evan should do it (dnp = devan #7) also dan speaking for them both singular pronouns are quaking

‘don’t trust that’ what on earth are u on abt phil what don’t u trust the fuckin desert or?????

scalyburg phil stop pls we know we get it dan’s a furry ur a scaly we got it

why does dan spend an entire 7 seconds (8:40) adjusting is he moving closer to phil? switching which leg he’s sat on? idk but it lead to me pausing at this moment which was a gift in and of itself

‘the deposit on that one, plus the weekly went would make us instantly broke, so that’s fun, us when we moved to london’ bih do u hear me crying

does dan remember phil’s first manchester apartment what kind of question is that phil have u met dan he probably remembers every bloody inch of that place i mean he did remember that there wasn’t a bedside table so

stop that

middle of the city, romance festival, geekcon, pretty views and cherry blossom trees sounds like dnp’s ideal location do u get why i’m calling it dnp simulator yet also dnp = devan #8

we don’t want to move next to the karaoke legends wow dan bold of u to say after belting helena at 2am real bold

phil having flashbacks to the apt they toured where they found out people died there

hi phil just looks so excited by everything

look i’m not saying anything except they’re managing to find a lot of similarities b.w their lives and what they’re doing for dab and evan okay like this apartment is great for people-watching? which is what phil did in his manchester apt?

context whomst? idk her

shoutout to the wardrobe

big bold life-changing steps

anon spitting truth up in this house (but like,,,,,my thoughts exactly lmao i was like they’re such introverts they would’ve avoided meeting their neighbors at any cost including apparently smacking into a locked door trying to avoid small talk phil we love u bab)

casually mentioning dan saying ‘we are dil-’ was he gonna say dil’s son, maybe but i like to remember the bloops of dan repeatedly calling dab dil so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

omg okay so from like. this point on, when dan’s like ‘here is my vision’, i’m absolutely getting queer eye vibes like amateur queer eye tho like two gay nerds trying to embody queer eye in their lives a bit oh wait

okay okay okay dan u said an ensuite bathroom and then failed to add a door to the bedroom do u understand how frustrating that is???????? do u understand how stressful it was for me to watch that whole damn vid and know that u forgot the door????

a space for hobbies what hobbies who has hobbies

they learned nothing from building their house before: phil should take the mouse away from dan immediately look at him he is such a sugar baby in this jfc

god dan is so cute get these idiots a penthouse apartment super high up so he can have his bath next to a window okay he deserves that in life

stop it they’re literally agreeing on almost every single thing god they literally share a single brain

amazing

leany boye

‘they are young adults moving into their first apartment, you don’t have art!’ okay first of all don’t even go there daniel second of all i’m sorry you’re the one arguing for spending literally all their money but u don’t want to get some art bc it’s unrealistic????

dan saying lovely

phil’s mr carpet

navy??? navy? when did they? why? 

i would get involved in a criminal plot to have that / i’m gonna throw you out of one

wow pro tips makin a comeback

phil is Losing Steam

oh my god okay so i was joking but literally phil is losing steam lmao 18:35 he says ‘ayy’ and it’s so tired-sounding

leany leany boyes

okay look ik dan’s going into ‘aww poor philly’ mode but also he knew that very quickly like honestly that’s not a Thing i would ever notice about someone tbh i’m not saying it’s like Significant but damn danny was really into phil to know that shiz man

the high-fashion gigantic rug of our dreams

okay look i can’t make this up phil literally leans away for a bit and then

hello daniel’s Curl

i stan phil getting excited over plants

dab and evan will be having a mario kart fest will they (dnp = devan #9)

mirroringggggggg

dude big mood god they’re so fond and full of memories 

honestly dnp made it that way like u cannot convince me they didn’t purposely decide to do that mmkay

‘see they are ready to have their romantic dinners. and then they can pretend they have another friend and it’s fine!’ am i talking abt dnp or dab and evan who knows :) (dnp = devan #10) 

cold in the middle what on earth i literally have no memory of that i mean it could just be my shit memory but jfc they just remember that stuff goddamn

scrunchy boyes also phil where’s ur arm at hm

like i’m not fuckin joking where is it

you can’t exist without a computer i mean

what is important in life / the internet

they don’t even have fucking doors and dan’s like ‘uhm they need a terrarium’ dan i’m stressed

oh my god i’m sorry phil is so done with this now it’s actually comical

hi they didn’t add a door for the ensuite

give dnp an interior design series honestly give them any series

phil reached for dan’s hand u cannot convince me otherwise

‘not my personal taste’ really,,,,,really

when dab n evan hug dan looks at the screen n phil looks at the camera things u didn’t need to know but now u do

lmao jumpscared by the kiss

‘i feel like i’ve never nailed anything more in my entire life’ hmmmm hmmmmmmmmmm hm

the fuck was dan’s ‘getting a job’ that’s his fnaf voice u stop that

doon doon doon doon

tongue

hi uhm what the Fuck was that jumpcut at 28:30 i hate Obvious Jumpcuts with a burning passion specifically bc of dnp

[aftermathdb]

DEATH BATTLE Review: Ghost Rider vs. Lobo

Two badass bikers have one hell of a fight!

Ghost Rider′s Preview.

If one were to take a look at Johnny Blaze, you wouldn’t really expect much out of the son of a famous stuntman who had died in a stunt gone wrong. But, you’d be surprised. Johnny’s new dad, Crash Simpson, got cancer.

So Johnny turned to the one man who could fix the problem: The Devil.

It worked… Until Crash crashed.

From that day forward, Johnny became merged with Zarathos. A being of power that scared Mephisto. And together, they became: Ghost Rider.

Ghost Rider possesses your typical powerset for a bounty hunter for the devil. From your typical Superhuman strength and speed, with a side of insane durability and an extra large healing factor.

And to top it all off, Ghost Rider’s signature weapon of choice is fire. But not just any kind of fire. Hellfire (Insert Hunchback of Notre Dame reference here).

Hellfire burns, but not in the conventional way you might think. Hellfire burns away at the soul, bypassing any defenses that would normally protect against typical burn damage. It’s like Salazzle’s Corrosion ability, only with fire.

But, if you’re going to be on the hunt for bad guys to make them pay for their sins, you’re going to need a toolset to match. From your typical hellish chains to soul manipulaton, Ghost Rider is one hell of a guy to fight…

Real talk: Lowkey disappointed that there weren’t more hell puns like this in the episode proper.

But if there’s anything that Ghost Rider is known for, it would be his Hell Cycle. Which we get a Wiz and Boomstick animation for the explanation.

Moving on, Ghost Rider’s other signature move is his Penance Stare. A Bloodcurdling gaze that burns the victims with the agony of their sins. Every life they’ve ruined, every person they’ve killed, all of it comes hitting you at once. Basically, it’s the “I’m not mad, just disappointed” phrase weaponized to the point that it burns. If you’re a truly sinful being, your soul goes bye bye. It’s like the Dark Hado, only with a less complicated button input.

And since the hosts neglected to mention it here (or even in the list of feats (Though, it is shown)), this stare once brought Galactus to his knees. Here’s the video link.

With all that power, Ghost Rider has taken on some insane opponents.

From the likes of Thor, to World War Hulk, to Doctor Strange, Ghost Rider has taken on a great slew of opponents, both good and bad.

However, Johnny doesn’t exactly have the best relationship with the Ghost Rider.

In fact, Johnny’s relationship with Ghost Rider is similar to Bruce Banner’s relation to the Hulk. Johnny suppresses Ghost Rider’s full potential, and the two often clash.

Also, since I forgot to bring it up earlier, The Penance Stare doesn’t work on the blind, those without a soul, those who draw power from pain, or masochists.

However, plot twist, Zarathos is actually an angel of vengeance, not a demon.

And similar to the Hulk, when Johnny opts to let the reigns loose, Zarathos. becomes so powerful, that he scares Doctor Strange.

For reference to Zarathos’ power, he’s equal to the divorce judge Mephisto, who in turn, once battle Galactus. The fight was so intense, that the entire universe was at risk as a byproduct of the battle.

Zarathos himself can eat souls. As for Johnny himself, the guy is still a mortal man, so he’s vulnerable to any kind of conventionally lethal attack. The Rider himself is vulnerable to holy weaponry, and is killable through it.

And even if he’s not too keen on being the Devil’s bounty hunter, Johnny’s doing alright. He even overthrew Mephisto… Does this mean that Peter and MJ’s divorce is null now?- I’m pretty sure that it’s null on the grounds of it being filed under duress, but still.

However, should you be walking out on your own, hearing a feint sound of a chopper drawing near, and see a glow on the horizon getting closer, you better hope that it’s not you that the Ghost Rider is after.

And you better pray to whatever deity that you believe in for mercy.

Because Ghost Rider won’t be giving it.

Lobo′s Preview.

It’s the 1990s, and the world of comics entered a darker age. After the success of such books like Watchmen and The Dark Knight Returns, comic book companies started to churn out gritty anti-heroes by the dozen.

From the time-traveling mutant Cable, to the darker and grittier Azrael, and Overkill. It was an… interesting time, to say the least. They were certainly cool-looking, but at some point, it just got ridiculous, that the world needed someone to take these guys down a peg.

The world needed a hero- no. A parody.

Enter: Czarnia. A planet that was known to be the most peaceful place in the universe… “Was” being the keyword there. The planet was. ravaged by a biological lifeform that left only one survivor: The guy who killed them all: Lobo.

For the record, Lobo’s name roughly translates to “He who devours your entrails and enjoys it.”

(So, he’s basically the NRA).

Lobo’s birth caused so much destruction, that pretty much everyone around him died out. Hell, some theorists think that the universe made Lobo just to balance out the peacefulness of Czarnia.

Lobo strives to be unique, and what better way to be unique than to be the last of your kind?

Lobo has left destruction in his wake. Which is possibly why he became a bounty hunter, as it’s the only profession that legally lets you kill people… Not that it stops him from killing you illegally as well.

Lobo is so insanely durable, that his healing factor is stupidly powerful. And his strength is off the charts. He’s like the unholy child of Superman and Deadpool. Speaking of which…

Oh, Taka… You never fail to make us laugh.

Anyways, not only can Lobo regenerate from a single drop of blood, he can also basically clone himself from it.

If you haven’t guessed by now, Lobo is stupidly hard to kill. He’s taken on the likes of Superman and other high-level fighters to the point that he’s basically  invulnerable. And if that’s not enough for you, he’s also pretty smart capable enough of doing complex equations to be able to tag the Flash.

Lobo can even deduce the weak points of any opponent he faces.

Of course, you don’t get to be an infamous bounty hunter unless you have the tools for the job.

Lobo’s ride responds to his whistle, can fly fast enough to escape a black hole, comes equipped with numerous machine guns, and has numerous other add-ons to boot.

And he has numerous firearms to deal with anyone who gets in his way. Even better: He’s also a fan of chain weapons.

Lobo also likes to ignore some things too. Like how he can sing “Born To Be Wild” while in the vacuum of space.

If that’s not physics-breaking enough for you, Lobo also once did this:

He pulled down Solaris despite it being physically impossible. Not, physically like his physique is inadequate, more like… It breaks physics. Meybe he and the Flash can bond over that.

For reference, this is how much strength Lobo would be exerting to pull Solaris down, assuming that Solaris has a mass similar to our sun.

Lobo also once crushed an entire city to fit in the palm of his hand. And then he ate it. There’s not a laxative in the world that can make that easy to digest.

And thanks to his rambunctious attitude, and constant heavy metal playing, Lobo has been banned from the afterlife. As in, his soul is not to be collected by death. Once the universe ends, he doesn’t go with it.

Lobo has a bomb that wiped out the dinosaurs, allegedly murdered Santa Claus (Who could bypass Apoklips’ defenses to give Darkseid a lump of coal), and has even walked through literal willpower.

However, despite his many claims, Lobo isn’t perfect. He can still take damage, and while his spirit can fight on without his body, he’s not exactly invincible.

He also has a… fondness for dolphins… Apparently. But, he’s also a man of his word, and will follow things to the spirit too. So, he’s basically the exact opposite of the NRA.

And unlike guys like Doctor Fate, the Green Lanterns, and Darkseid, Lobo isn’t immune to retcons.

This new Lobo is a dark and tortured soul. Literally the thing that the real Lobo was meant to be a parody of.

Thankfully, some of the writers at DC had a sense of irony, and decided to shelve the new Lobo… Literally.

And with all that, Lobo is one fighter that you don’t want to mess with. Because when the Main Man gets a contract…

The Battle Itself.

Zack, Luis, and Jerky are heading this animation. Ghost Rider will be voiced by Steven Kelly and Lobo will be voiced by Jason Marnocha. ), sprite artists, Ride to Hell by Brandon Yates. Audio is led by Chris Kokkinos.

The fight starts off with Lobo collecting a bounty, only for the Spirit of Vengeance to show up and give Lobo what’s coming to him.

Lobo, being Lobo, doesn’t take too kindly to someone telling him what to do, so he just runs over the Hell Cycle to get away.

Ghost Rider, understandably mad as hell, gives chase, and even fries Lobo’s bounty while doing it. So now even the Main Man is mad too.

After a brief battle of chains, Lobo does a Scorpion impression and grabs Ghost Rider to give him one hell of a headbutt.

But Blaze doesn’t take this lying down, so the battle gets forced to a city… Hopefully abandoned.

And now it’s Ghost Rider’s turn to do a Scorpion impression as he uses his hellfire to give Lobo a nasty Burn.

This being Lobo, he powers through it to get to Ghost Rider to eat a building.

This being Ghost Rider, the Spirit of Vengeance bursts out, spilling blood everywhere. But, this is Lobo.

Or rather, Lobos (Note the plural). They dogpile on the burning skull head, forcing Ghost Rider to unleash Zarathos.

Lobo, pretty miffed at the moment, blasts Ghost Rider with a massive gun.

So, with the battlefield fragged, the finishing blow (Yes, this wasn’t the finishing blow) is coming up in 5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

Hot damn…

Verdict + Explanation.

Okay, so… This being Lobo, it was a pretty intense fight. Lobo doesn’t die easily. And Lobo also takes many of the physical advantages, like strength. But Ghost Rider wasn’t a slouch in this area either.

Given the insane durability and amount of pain that each fighter could take and dish out, it was hard to say for sure as to who would win out. But, Lobo doesn’t have any specific weaknesses that are obscure, and he wasn’t equipped to have anything to really kill Ghost Rider.

Now, you might be thinking “Who cares about Holy Weapons when you can crush and eat a whole city?” While that’s a good question, and it’s also a good question to ask if Lobo could just overpower Johnny.

However, Remember: Zarathos = Mephisto, and Mephisto = Galactus. Given that the fight between Mephisto and Galactus put the whole universe at risk, it’s reasonable to say that Zarathos could do the same.

Now, given Lobo’s own speed, he couldn’t really run from the Ghost Rider either. Recall that the Hell Cycle could outrace Mjolnir, and Mjolnir could move over 100 Billion times the speed of light. So, even if Lobo could figure out Ghost Rider’s weaknesses, he can’t exactly get away to find a holy weapon to work with.

Essentially, Lobo could handle the Ghost Rider, but once Zarathos was unleashed, his means of victory started diminishing fast.

But now, for the big elephant in the room: How do you kill a person who’s banned from the afterlife?

Well, this is where you need a lawyer, because there’s a small little loophole that Ghost Rider can exploit:

Lobo’s soul can only not be collected, there’s nothing saying that his soul can just go poof. And Ghost Rider has three ways of just ending Lobo’s soul.

His hellfire bypasses normal defenses, his Penance Stare can deal damage to Lobo since he’s got trillions of dead people on his hands, and Zarathos could just straight-up eat his soul. Lobo has no defenses against attacks that target the soul.

Essentially, Lobo was toast.

The winner is Ghost Rider.

Overall impression.

This fight was cosmic. In essence, it takes some of the most intense fighters and pits them against each other. This fight has a lot of hype behind it, and it’s one

hell

of a fight.

However, the lack of “Hell” puns during Ghost Rider’s rundown is somewhat disappointing. But the fight is awesome. It also helps that the music is intense in the good way that it makes it really feel like a battle straight out of hell.

The fight’s awesome, the explanation makes sense, and the music is a banger.

8.666/10

Next Time…

A friend of mine on Deviantart is doing reviews of these Kaiju Movies and a few Power Rangers episodes too. I’m feeling that this fight might interest him.

Is there a fight that you want me to review? - Send an ask/request, and I’ll look into it!

Do you want to read my fanfic based around DEATH BATTLE itself? click here!

Thank you for reading, and I hope to see you next time for…

Robo-Kaiju Rumble.

[jlf23tumble]

1D Day, Hour Three

Almost halfway through this hour, which is almost halfway through this day, is the point where Louis Tomlinson stops having fucks left to give and starts getting real. He’s still a professional throughout hour three (not like Harry in hour two, oof), but god, how??? Everything here is a disaster, and it’s infuriating when you consider that a) this must have been somewhat planned out (the band is HUGE, allegedly 32 million people are watching), and b) it’s being produced in LA, presumably with easy access to professionals who have had some experience with live shows (since, what, the 1930s???). Anyway, I would have loved to hear the choice words Louis no doubt had for Ben Winston when he ran away during one of the Google+ Hangouts, lmao.

When I first watched this two years back, Niall’s nervous laughter nearly drove me insane, but this time around, I’m loving the subtle nuances w/r/t wtf is happening on this here day as Louis’s rage starts to climb and Niall’s Slytherin core starts to emerge. Deets under the cut.

Niall and Louis literally burst through a paper wall to launch hour three and reveal Niall’s lilac hair (also revealed: the fact that Niall’s “a diva,” according to Louis). The color’s hardly even noticeable, but Niall’s all worked up about it, and I’m betting he had to do this because he has no tattoos, so everyone wanted to freak his Virgo ass out with something “permanent.”

The first bit is so tiresome (Louis’s childhood friend, Stan, forcing the Milkshake City staff to perform the world’s sleepiest version of “Rock Me”), but I’m a huge fan of Stan’s for the Larry purple dildo video alone (ICONIC; ping me if you need a link), plus I love the tidbit about the time Harry came in for a milkshake for himself and “a friend back at home.”

After we survive this long-ass bit of fill, Louis and Stan take the piss out of each other and banter a bit with Niall, which is all pretty hilarious and also makes me sad in the key of “oh how I wish that was me.”

Because it wasn’t at all tedious in hour one, it’s time for another Guinness Book of World Records challenge (Louis: “Of course it is”), this time balancing coins on faces. Hey, speaking of faces, did you know that men are at peak hotness between the ages of 32 and 36? This guy is 22 years old, doing the stupidest task ever, help me, Jeebus:

Next up is the randomizer, which randomly pulls celebrity videos, and this is when the in-ears start acting up for Louis, who’s midway through Robbie Williams asking them for the best live performer they’ve ever seen, prompting Louis to give Ben the evil eye off camera and go off script to say Michael Buble, ha.

Some random sports man (update: Doncaster Rovers manager) demands that they do pressups up and burpees, and Louis gives us a surprisingly strong and steady nine pressups before proving why he’s most relatable:

After fits of unnecessary laughter from Niall, and a lot of exasperation about the technical problems so far from Louis (friend, you’ve seen nowt yet), we get the best VT from this entire day, the iconic bts video for “Talk Dirty to Me,” and if you watch nothing from any of this, please tell me you’ve seen it in full for Zayn the goofball! Liam’s hanky code shoutouts! Harry’s hip chub! Louis and his glorious torso! Niall in full Farmer Ted mode!

Next up, we get astronauts congratulating the D from space, and whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I mean, honestly, WHY? Are these astronauts fans? Is anyone besides Niall into space? I know there’s an intense interest in making space interesting for teens (how many times have people on the international space station beamed their way into MTV award shows at this point), but whyyyyy.

Scott tells us we’ll soon see Doctor Who (mild interest from Nouis) and Simon Cowell (Louis: “SIMON COWELL, WOO HOO, I LOVE THAT GUY!” Niall: “Simon GROWL”), but first up is Doctor Who, and this is where the wheels fall off the bus, technically speaking. First, there’s a 15-minute delay (!!), so Nouis are standing around while the Doctor handles some other interview for the BBC. Eventually, they connect, and Louis makes the understatement of the year (“This is gonna be tough”) as both the video and audio go full Inception and echo in and around each other to make us all woozy:

Louis again understates the chaos happening on screen by saying, “I think actually that this is not working,” and then begging for any VT, they don’t care, help (the VT is Niall being all humblecholy about their success and Ireland and something something, I’m not actually interested, sorry).

We come back to Louis still losing it, curious as to how they can have a link to space but can’t have a studio in LA link to the BBC, and yeah. YEAH. But enough about that, it’s Google+ Hangout (lololololol) time, and we don’t get too many answers to these vital fan questions because Ben is in Louis’s ear so much that Louis starts arguing with him about it and eventually runs off stage to yell at him in person, and god, it’s glorious. READY 2 FIGHT:

Because this is an utter trainwreck, the team decides to do another live link again, this time to the X Factor while it’s airing in the UK, and it’s…yeah, not good. Just awful, cameras out of synch, no sound, etc. Save us, random VT of Denmark!!

Hearing Louis say “tits up” is my new religion, but honestly, this chitchat with McFly is such a revelation. Apparently, they worked with Niall on something, so they gossip with Louis about what a diva Niall is (!) and how he brought a friend of his named Shawn around (!!), and there’s a lot of inside jokes I know nothing about, but I’m LIVING for Niall looking at all these boys on the screen and saying, “I feel like I’m alone in my bedroom,” and Louis’s response, “Okay, Niall!”

“Don’t Forget Where You Belong” is announced, but we don’t get to hear it (although we DO get to see some sweet Nouis dancing), and two more girls go into the call box of doom. Because this show’s producers can’t go ten minutes without a disaster, there’s increasingly urgent screaming from Louis to Ben to just roll the Zayn graffiti VT, which takes at least a full, tense minute to post. 

Zayn is incredibly hot, but my heart breaks for him saying it’s their 127th show, and he’s feeling inspired and creative to make art, and I just wonder how??? How are you not banging your head against a wall instead of painting it? Anyway, it’s a lot of spraypainting/artist au Zayn come to life, with Liam working out shirtless nearby and heaping praise on just about every single thing Zayn puts on the wall (awwwww). Also some nice Flicker reference points (Niall: “Zayn, will you draw a picture of me?” Zayn: “No. I don’t like you”). Ouch.

We come back to Rebecca, an opera singer who’s here to sing some tweets, and this is a horrible idea that Ben Winston stole from Jimmy Kimmel, right? When he used to have Josh Groban sing tweets a million years ago? Anyway, this ripoff doesn’t work because nobody can really understand the words, but credit to Louis for trying to cheat and speed this whole thing up:

When Rebecca finishes, Louis says he got emotional (Niall just laughs), and this poor girl says not to worry, she’ll do more later, and lmao at Louis: “Oh, OH, there’s more in store, Niall” (Niall: “Can’t wait”), sighhhhh, it’s torture for us all, tbh. Anyway, time for some Belgian VT and reinforcement that Louis’s part Belgian, which is why it’s super relevant, I guess.

The last bit is back to Dynamo, to redo the magic bit that failed with Harry in hour two. I’m still curious about this trick because there’s a piece of paper locked in this box (Harry’s dick holds the key to it), and tl/dr, Harry says April for the month an hour ago, but Louis says November, and sure enough, November plus all the other details are in this locked box. HMMMMM. Me as Harry’s finger delivering the key immediately in this segment, meaning he’s literally right there watching all of it. Pick someone supportive, etc.

Anyway, back to the trick, there’s a bit where Louis says he told Dynamo all this information earlier (Niall starts chewing his nails a bit ferociously at that), but then he backpedals brilliantly later about what an amazing, stunning trick, etc., and this group of sneaky liars, god, I love ‘em!

We get more terrible highlights, which sucks, because I kind of liked the way Louis was asking Niall what HIS highlights were, but never mind, let’s get Ben’s. I’ll leave you with this picture that makes me think of Louis hosting Family Feud, you know, the final round, when you have to see how your answers stacked up with a family member’s and if, together, you cleared 200 (“Name someone a person may confess a crime to”):

[amelee23]

Love goes beyond stars

Art belongs to @catneylang (I’ll take it down if I’m not allowed to use it.)

Prompt: Can you do Keith proposing to reader?

Number of words: 7,549

Genre: Heavy Angst, Fluff, Lotta Romance, Referenced/ Implied Smut, Comedy

Tags: Proposal, Adult Love, Hurt and Comfort, Lance being hot under the collar, Hard Decisions, Season 7 based, Dialogue Heavy

Summary: They’ve been apart for five years, but they didn’t mind.

The fluorescent flowers on the left of the shelter would give out perfume everyday at the same hour; they couldn't possibly know what hour that was, there was no such thing as a sun in the quantum abyss. Therefore, they had to make do with that more visual than audio alarm - even the fragrance was too faint to feel from inside the cave, but the pink mist was visible on clear days. They figured the substance wasn't toxic by purely living next to it; of course they wouldn't go inhale it directly, but they surely upped their immune system in the two months they've been leaving on this creature's back. Either this abyss was really large, or the creature was moving extremely slowly, but it seemed they barely advanced a few inches. With the amount of gravitational pull, anything was possible; how Keith wished to hear Katie's voice again, rambling some calculation he surely wouldn't understand until they were finished and he asked her to explain how she got to that conclusion once again, slowly, as for a not-so-keen-on-learning boy that he was. Every day, the same scenery, same broken planets and celestial mass, same routines except for a few times when he had to defend the base from intruders. If he was alone, he would've gone insane, but fortunately he wasn't.

Even with Krolia beside him, there were things that both of them together couldn't understand. How this animal  - a mammal by human interpretation - could have water provisions on its back; even if the water was red, and honestly looked very scary and toxic, it truly wasn't. It took complete dehydration for them to try, but it was worth it in the end, they saw no side effects to it, which was the first and only thing served on a plate in this habitat. It was a vicious circle of thoughts, but it at least kept him occupied: there were plants, so there was oxygen. That was obvious considering they didn't dry like a raisin in minutes; and with a hopeful amount of hydrogen, wherever it came from, along the eons probably water was created. It's not like they had a filter either, besides the rain catcher on the roof, so whatever came from the river was part liquid part soil, disgusting but necessary. Nature was a blessing, he wasn't only now realizing it but, he surely felt it vibrate inside him harder. The lake was his paradise, where he washed almost every single day, watching that red glassy colour contour his muscles.

Still, even with water provisions, there was one more thing to care about, which was food. The giant crab-spider creatures weren't exactly hard to kill, but the heaven knows the first few meals ended up with Keith puking out his guts. It wasn't that it had a bad taste, actually it could have been considered a delicacy because it did taste close to crab meat. It reminded him of his 2 year anniversary, in which he planned something romantic and expensive, ate crabs for the first time in a Houston restaurant; he was so embarrassed, him being in casual clothing and his girlfriend in a fancy dress -it brought a smile to his face at least. A smile Krolia couldn't understand, not even Shiro sometimes, and he was the only one to know.  With Shiro, it was a silent understanding. They both lost their lovers to their fate here, in the endless cavity of space. With one glance in Keith's eyes he would know, why he had turned for the worse again, why he's sulking, why he's quiet yet screaming exactly when he shouldn't. Keith lost his pillar, his anchor, and to top it all off, he's been keeping it a secret for over a year now. A year so full of everything, of things he wanted to tell someone, wanted to surprise her kind eyes with things they'd usually laugh about at three am turning to be true- wanted to let her know he found out what was wrong with him all this time, to take her to meet his mom, to fly her into space, to ask for forgiveness and tell her he loved her at least once more. The castle of lions, his chamber, Red, Black, this animal, they all know the shape of his tears. He could imagine her pout when seeing him like this, the little wrinkling on her chin, her pointy lips. But that image, in the literal point of the abyss, will surely be forgotten. His memories were meant to get as blurry as his eyesight filled with tears.

The fire crackled, probably because Keith couldn't help poking at it with a stick; the space wolf was cutely chasing his tail in the back of the cave, dirtying his shiny fur with dust again. Keith sulked, he sulked like a child would do best, perhaps to attract the attention of a parental figure. It worked, even without intent, but Krolia couldn't possibly know it was something else but his feeling of entrapment on this creature. She felt her baby needed caring, but didn't how to exactly deliver it - should she hug him? Massage his shoulders? Or at least make him talk so she could listen?

"Mom?" His voice was so fragile, his jaw contoured by the shadows of the fire. He looked miserable, ready to break Krolia's heart with that word that was supposed to make her a woman, a title she had but felt she didn't deserve.

"Yes?" She sat down next to him, and even the space wolf seemed to calm down, laying down as if to listen to him talk.

"It took me meeting you to see how much I followed in your steps." As a parent, as a failed one at that, it was the cruelest thing a son could have ever shared.

"I left the person I loved most." Keith used the heel of his hand to push at his eyes, dragging it down his cheeks and then tangling it in his hair.

"You did?" It felt natural now, to move closer and embrace him, even just partially. He didn't flinch, in fact, he seemed to hold on to his mom's fingers.

"Well, I didn't do it for a good cause like you - at least it wasn't my intention to become the fucking saviour of the universe! I, I just hopped inside a flying mechanical fucking space cat and ended up in this hellhole without realizing." Keith yelled, then whispered. He was tired, he was sick, but his pain was making him delirious.

"She, she wasn't even there! She was away, forging her future, our future.." Keith chocked on his words, and he begged his voice to stop, to go mute.

"I was supposed to move out of state with her when she finished highschool... She'd join the university of her dreams and I'd enroll into a high school there for my last year, since- since I couldn't go back to the Garrison." How could Keith have hidden this for so long?

"What happened? At the Garrison." Like a broken record, Krolia just asked questions. Knowing about her son's past just by him emotionally breaking down, it was the hardest. Maybe if she was there for him, things would have been different. But then again, it seemed like whoever this lady was she took good care of her son.

"I punched a teacher in the eye. Had a bad day." Krolia couldn't help the chuckle, and hid her face in Keith's shoulder.

"But I didn't fucking care! Garrison was behind me, all of it was. Life was good, we were young, but we knew exactly what we wanted." Young love was truly irreplaceable, but at the same time it was the most deceiving. Krolia wasn't one to talk, considering she knew nothing about her, and for sure she wouldn't want to bring him down. She had no choice but to believe him, with all her heart, that he knew what was better for him.

"There's one thing I know for sure about you Kogane men; once you fall in love you never let go. You might find her again one day if you search hard enough." That's when Keith couldn't take it anymore, and left his feelings boil into tears. He clenched his teeth and squeezed Krolia's fingers, curling his body forward.

"Will I? Out of thousands of people, will I ever see her again? She'll move on, I know she will, I'm no fucking saint-" Krolia has been caressing his curved back, offering him at least the amount of warmth she could give.

"Keith, look at me." In all seriousness, Krolia held it together to not weep along with his son, the memory of her lover, Keith's dad, now so fresh in her mind. They were cut from the same cloth, going through the exact thing, so if one made it, so could the other.

"There's nothing wrong with having hope. I never gave up on loving you, and now we're here." Keith cried out for his mother, and launched himself in her arms. For the first time, she was able to offer the motherly embrace he'd been missing on for so many years.

"How do you do it? Her face is getting blurry-  I can't... I don't want to forget her! How, how do I-" He pleaded between his sobs, scratching at his mother's suit.

"It's in the stars." Keith froze, hooked around Krolia's shoulders.

"What do you mean?" He let out, softly, as if scared.

"Love goes beyond stars or the universe itself. If you can learn to see her in every star, you'll never feel alone again."

Is this what it means to become strong? To accept, to trust and to move on? These two years, of nothing but thinking and fighting for belief, finding one self and the one next to him, the constant primal instinct, hunting, deprivation and white noise, all washing out whatever happened in his life before this abyss. Mistakes were forgiven, lies were forgotten, she became something more alike to a myth than a reality, her shine and spark lying in every star Keith set eyes upon, sending out all his heart. It might never happen, and he was okay with it. He will at least hold on to the last facial feature he could remember, so that if he dies in battle, he'll want to die thinking of his family. She, undoubtedly, was his family. For over two years, before fate pulled them apart, it was them against the world. Keith showed a genuine smile whenever he thought that she might've found the ring he engraved for her. A simple silver ring, with a K and her initial next to it, hidden in his pillow case. If he was honest, he purposely put it there for finding.

"We should call the sergeant now, shouldn't we? Cadet Griffin, would you like to do the honours?" Iverson looked at the boy, who was purposefully keeping his distance from the herd, and sighed without saying anything, rotating his soles on the sand dust and taking off. Old man Iverson seemed to grin at Keith for a reason unbeknownst to him; it surely set him off, giving him some uneasiness. He didn't ask, he preferred not to, looking around at the others being with their families after so long. He noticed Hunk's loneliness and urged to go comfort him, but before he could do that the sliding doors to the Garrison center opened. A figure walked out besides James in the heat of the sun, surrounded by a fiery orange aura. As it got closer, as she took her gaze off the documents she was holding, Keith's throat turned to sandpaper. The forms of her body seemed so foreign, a touch of death on her as well, bags under her eyes, drier, sicker skin. Even her hair seemed to lose pigment, but maybe it was Keith's eyes playing tricks on him. His mind - grown up somewhere else, estranged of the human ways, he was trying to process this woman before him, that had yet to notice him; where in the world had time gone to? What had it done with her, and why do her changes bring out old, yet fresh, yearnings and desires in Keith's body?

He didn't flinch a toe, even when she discovered his gaze. He waited for her to come to him, alike a ray of light. Luckily, desperation acted differently in her, as she dropped all her papers and pen before her feet, taking big yet careful steps towards his silhouette. With her right before him, he couldn't help move his eyes around, searching for something to hang on, something familiar, that would prove authenticity. She put a hand on his shoulder, looked him dead in his eyes; scared of his lack of reaction. She didn't want to feel rejected, but she was tortured by uncertainty. All questions were answered when, suddenly, a low whisper of her name left Keith's lips and heavy eyes shortly followed. He began crying, wailing to let everyone know, that it hurt, that it hurt for too long. He hugged this frame, this body that still seemed an illusion to him. Even his fantasies of seeing her again ended badly, this was something taken out of fiction. But it couldn't lie, and it surely didn't; the warmth behind her clothes, the shape of her shoulder blades, the soft whimpers that mangled with his. It was all real, but it was hard to believe.

He fell to his knees, his head burrowing in the shape of her belly; clinging on to anything he could, her waist, her legs. Unwillingly, one of her streaming tears fell on the top of Keith's hair. Shiro attracted her attention with a touch, whispering her name. Her eyes became even more watery; seeing his existence, his presence right there. She may have let out a cry when noticing his missing arm, his white hair, his tired look... But she was glad he, they, were all alive. Every single missing cadet was home, and that was wonderful. Gathering everyone's gazes, she fell along with Keith and snuggled closer in his embrace, grasping at his curved back. Breathing in his scent once more was something only dreams could achieve, hearing his voice - even if it was cries, feeling his heart beat against her forehead.

"I promised I wouldn't cry." Keith tried to laugh it off, chuckling between his cries and attempts to cling on even tighter.

"We're both crying so it doesn't count." She completed his words, like she always seemed to do, softly pushing away to look him in the eyes. They locked foreheads together, so close their lashes were fluttering against each other, until their fingers sought each other's face to wipe off the tears.

"You're back." She whispered, half in disbelief.

"I'm back, baby." Keith tested the waters, it was now or never anyways. He wouldn't and couldn't believe if she didn't move on by now, find another man, but something about the cold feeling on her right hand's ring finger told him she found the little present he left for her.

"Welcome back, love." He had no time to process what transpired, before his lips were enveloped by hers. An animalistic hunger bid his demise, he held her nape with force, his fingers racking her hair and forcing her body closer than humanly possible.

It was all too good to be true.

The first thing Keith did when entering her personal room, after a long debriefing and getting together with every lost friend and relative, was lie on her bed. It wasn't as comfortable or relaxing as he thought I'd be, as his armor was nudging at his hips and back, the feel of, well, padded plastic - but still hard plastic - being pushed into him because of the mattress. It wasn't awkward, although it seemed so, how she watched him from the middle of the room. She'd never thought she'd see him again, much more resting on her bed. She didn't want to bother him either, considering the brief story of their journey that she overheard being told to Sam Holt.

"Did you leave for college?" Keith grunted getting up to a sitting position, fixing his eyes on her. His gaze was somewhat intimidating. He was no longer her adolescentine lover, it was a man that just came back from war. He wasn't unfamiliar, but she indeed felt smaller compared to him, and not just in height - a difference that grew exponentially as well.

"I did. But Garrison called me back."

"And you became a sergeant?" He was proud of her, even if his question sounded more on the disbelief side.

"Strategist. I'm not... I don't participate in fights." Keith hummed, approving greatly to that. Least thing he wanted, battle scars on her body.

"What's with the scar?" Keith touched his cheek and smiled, seemingly falling in thought for a couple seconds.

"It's a long story, like the rest of them." She went ahead and sat next to him, signaling for him to go on.

"But can't I take a shower first? I stink and I really need to groom myself, space isn't forgiving." She sighed and let her head drop on his armored-covered shoulder, and Keith reached for her hand to hold in his.

"What's wrong?"

"This might sound stupid, but even letting you leave for a shower breaks my heart by this point." That was the moment when Keith's heart melted, when his dreams finally felt like they became reality. She was cold, even after they kissed in front of everyone, and maybe thought that was just the heat of the moment. It still wasn't clear, if they had the same intention, but he was for sure gonna try even if it meant his demise.

"Join me in the shower then." She looked surprised, speechless surprised, but not exactly pleasantly.

"Keith! I-" She retracted her hand from his and started flinging them around, making Keith grin at her cuteness.

"Did you date anyone while I was gone?" Unlike her disheveled, panicked state, Keith was calm, reaching out to hold her chin and gaze focused.

"No, I- I couldn't even crack a smile for an entire year, that's how much I-" His thick-skinned lips touched hers, ever so briefly, resulting in an instant calm-down. The taste of his breath was still there, the corners of his mouth, but his grip seemed somewhat harsher.

"Same here, baby." He guided her to his lap, and she was enveloped by his cold armor.

"Every night, I'd look at the stars and think of you... How much I wanted to talk to you, to tell you my stories." She cradled his face in her hands, especially running her fingers on the length of his dark scar.

"That I will listen to gladly." She pecked his lips with a grin, but screamed when Keith got off the bed with her hooked on his hips. She clung to his neck hastily.

"After we take a shower, that is." She wasn't completely content with the idea, but continued to hold on to him quietly as she was carried to the bathroom.

He didn't waste time starting to work on his armor after she was put down, struggling with a tight mechanism that seemed a lot simpler than she imagined. It was all happening too fast, but she didn't want to say it. Keith seemed in ninth heaven, almost like nothing went on, like no time had passed. She couldn't complain much, it wasn't like she was the one stuck in space for five years, but exactly because where he was and what transpired, she couldn't get over it so easily.

"I know what you're thinking." Keith voiced, finally being able to take off his chest piece.

"This is crazy, my lover from 5 years ago is forcing me to have sex with him, I haven't seen him in so long, he lived on alien planets, we can't just get back to where we were." When did Keith become so intuitive?

He propped his legs piece on the wall as well, having no shame or remorse in showing his body. His tall, barefoot figure advanced towards her and softly lain his fingers on the collar of her shirt.

"But we're adults now. We have the maturity to make and manage such a decision; I know we grew apart and can't forget those lost years, but I believe anything's possible. And I'm surely not giving up easily." Keith's speech made her whipped, calming down her insecurities. She never thought he'd be the one smart talking her, considering it was always the other way around.

"You're so mature now." She spoke, with a hint of mischief, starting to unbutton her shirt from bottom up. Keith did so as well, from top to bottom.

"It's hot." He chuckled and kissed her neck, then proceeded to take off her pants as well.

"Best things come with time, babygirl." He ate her giggles with a kiss, one that left her wanting more; then stripped off his boxers and entered the shower, turning on the hot water. The fast drops rained with stings, making him feel like he was finally home. He was ecstatic, his eyes shone with glee even while closed, lashes heavy with fervid water. She admired his bare back and tippy toes struggling on the warming tiles; then she took off her bra and panties and stepped in, so that the warmth wouldn't be lost.

Hugging his bare back felt like fantasy. It's all she ever dreamt of, all she ever wanted for so long. It was unbelievable how adulthood changed someone, how raw yet emotion-filled lust for someone could get. She was sure Keith felt the same.

He guided her, slowly, by the hand, to stand in front of him, water jumping on his head and landing on her body. After he bit his lips and told himself not to, he drank the poison and dared look her up and down, in all her glory.

"Forever young and beautiful." He mumbled, pushing closer and reaching for her hips.

"I'm not young anymore tho." She responded, holding and tracing his wet chest.

"But you grew beautifully." He started easy, closing his mouth on the side of her neck. He licked the water off, sucking her skin all the way to her ear.

"We didn't grow up together like we promised." Keith couldn't ignore her sad remark, sighing and looking her in the eyes.

"But we're here now." That reminded him of his mother, even if it was a little unholy while being naked with a woman in the shower.

"If there's something I leaned from mom after so many years, is that some things in life happen for a reason." He devishly waited for her perplexed expression, which she gave without hesitation.

"Your mom?" She almost screamed, eyes wide as the ocean. Keith simply chuckled and tried to avoid the subject for now.

"I'll tell you after; right now I want to feel every inch of you under my fingers." She squirmed under his forceful pull, under his kisses leading down her chest.

"But what about body wash? Uh, shampoo? You said-" She fought back, only verbally and mockingly, as her hands truly were tangled in his hair.

"I'm sure the shampoo knew this was also an excuse to get you naked." Her mouth was agape in disbelief, but she wasn't hiding her smile.

"New Keith has some tricks up his sleeve, babygirl."

They didn't even bother to put on clothes after the shower, laying in bed under a thick, white blanket, cuddled and talking all throughout the night. Her reactions to his every word and story filled his stomach, how she knit her eyebrows and asked him question after question. After finding out her lover was an alien, a Garla, a Blade of Marmora? ; his mom such a scary woman, what lies behind Kerberos, quintessence and what not, she voiced out that she would surely not be able to sleep. Therefore, Keith made love to her again, tiring out her body completely. And all this time, he was holding her hand, running his fingers on the his ring.

"Do you think this table is sturdy?" Keith asked, tapping the wood to catch her attention from the files she was going through. Still concentrated on them, the rationing of supplies and re-directioning of water and electricity, she wasn't exactly looking his way or trying to catch onto what he was saying.

"I believe so? We had some heavy weapon prototypes on it before."

"So you'd think it'll hold... laying you down on it and pulling a Christian Grey?" Keith spun her around from the digital screen, edging her into the table. She laughed dearly at him, resting her elbows on the wood and looking up at Keith.

"It'd hold, but people are gonna see." He smirked, leaning closer to flirt in her ear.

"And? I'm pretty sure everyone knows what's going on from two nights ago." She rolled her eyes and pushed him away, to glue her eyes back to the screen.

"You disappear in space for five years and come back a hungry animal, huh?"

"It was four for me, but; yeah, and I'm not ashamed of it. I'm hungry babe, don't starve me." Keith hugged her back, leaning his front body on her and talking from the crook of her neck with a whiny tone. Someone's voice and curses were heard down the corridor, and soon Lance froze in doorframe.

"Is this the right conference room? Oh, I guess it is since Keith and his girlfriend are about to have sex in it!" He puffed out sarcastically, thumping on his seat at the table.

"Hey Lance" Keith said unaffected, letting just a small distance form between him and his lover.

"Hi, Keith. You're living the good life, aren'tcha? I'm sure sex is the most important to you right now, not like, you know, saving Earth!" Lance almost spit forward, attacking his leader with a fury that was of course, directed at himself more than them. He knew all too well Keith was taking care of both his team and responsibilities even with a lover, but the surprise of her existence and Keith's success in love racked his ego.

"Lance, please don't take out your jealousy on us. It's not my fault you weren't a man to Allura from the beginning." He glared at Keith, childishly, and retorted back in seconds.

"Shut up, mullet! Your hair isn't even a mullet anymore, fuck!" A female giggle was heard, easing out into the air. Lance was a little remorseful, and also felt like he was being taken as a joke, so he shut up. He watched them have small lovey-dovey interactions while discussing some economics, boiling on the inside. Keith noticed him, even just with the corner of his eye, and knew Lance wanted to continue this fight, or hear anything at all that would ease his nerves.

"You see that? If you ever get embarrassed with me, think that you're not the only one in love with an alien." He told his lover mockingly, but Lance's reaction was weaker and less rage-filled.

"Ha, right! Have you seen the Galras? They're fricking ugly. Your man is gonna turn into a purple man-beast and chew on your flip-flops." Letting her neck fall backwards then hiding her face between her arms on the table, she laughed whole-heartedly.

"You're a funny man, Lance. Does Allura like funny?" He was flustered, and pretended not to think that this stranger's laugh wasn't adorable, like Keith wasn't such a lucky man.

"She's serious almost all the time, but I think she secretly adores funny. And Lance." He jumped out of his chair and slammed a hand on the table, but then fell back down with a sigh and spoke quietly.

"Can you not? I appreciate it, you're trying to encourage me. But I really don't wanna hear it from "the perfect couple". Stop reminding me how stupid I was for only taking my feelings seriously now." She hummed, walking over to pat Lance's shoulder. The gesture wasn't taken lightly.

"How did Krolia use to say? Some things in life happen for a reason?" She walked back into Keith's embrace, who was grinning happily.

"Perfectly quoted."

"You've already told her about your mom?" Lance was trying to hide his curiosity until now, considering that it really wasn't his business who this woman was. Keith didn't say anything either, so he figured he didn't want to talk about it, or didn't want to share; but truly, he wanted to know what was going on.

"She's heard me talk for years about how much I hated my mom for leaving me. Of course she's the first one I wanted to tell." Some gears started moving in his brain, he began understanding how exactly they became a couple on the first day of coming back home.

"Woah, so you guys go way back?"

"Yeah, we were 15 when we met." When Lance was fifteen, he became an uncle. He's never had the joy of having a true girlfriend, considering all the responsibilities he had at home.

"15? Oh man, you were still in the Garrison then!" Keith ignored the low kick Lance just did, playing it like he didn't understand it.

"Yeah, we started dating when I was still in school."

"And you stayed with him even when he was kicked out?" Lance was already on the edge of his seat, dying to ask more and more questions.

"Yep." Her answer was short and sweet, looking up at her lover with a pride that she could never express in words. He might have been a dawdler then, but every choice had its reward.

"You chose to love a man with no education, an ugly jacket, a rat mullet and shed in the middle of nowhere? You have some weird tastes, woman." Laughter rose up in the room again, this time Lance falling for her contagious sounds, making Keith feel like it was two against one.

"Hey, don't laugh at that!" He whined, crossing his arms around her waist to lift her up, but before that, someone else found the conference room.

"I see you guys are having fun."

"Hey, Shiro!" She chirped, moving around the chairs to go give him a side hug. He had just one hand to hug back with, but he did it anyways.

"Hey sweetie."

"You too? You know Shiro as well?" It was funny how awkward Lance was at the beginning of the conversation, how he only referred to her as "Keith's girl" and now he was shamelessly throwing questions and accusations at the woman.

"There wasn't a Keith without Shiro, especially back then." She felt safe between the two of them. It brought back the smell of the floor wax Shiro used to use in his apartment, long nights in front of the TV, all three of them and Adam. She tried not to think of Shiro's pain, and only bring positivity to him.

"Well, if it wasn't for Keith, there wouldn't be a Shiro today."

"Thank you Keith!" Hunk chirped then ran off, saying he's going to go save his parents. She heard everything from around the corner, and couldn't be prouder of her man. A leader, a friend, a lover - Keith was exceeding at everything now. It was mesmerizing.

"Oh, hey." Hunk almost clumsily bumped into her, stopping his heels barely.

"Hey, Hunk." She greeted him back with a smile, but noticed the swing in his feet.

"Uhm, you look lovely today!" He didn't want to seem rude, nor drag it on. He blubbed something out then took off running down the corridor behind her, with the most determined look he had.

"Hunk, wait!" Keith also came out of the kitchen, ready to run after Hunk but hailed as well when spotting her.

"What?!" Hunk shouted from the end of the corridor, only turning his head back slightly.

"Meet me in the bay in 15 minutes! I'll come with you!"

"Okay!" Only after he was done screaming, it dawned on him - she was right there. She might not agree on this idea.

However, besides the obvious sadness showing, she gave a kind smile.

"Baby..." Keith began, but wasn't able to finish.

"I know, I know." She stepped forward and buried her face in his chest, holding on to his shoulders.

"I'm proud of you. You're a great friend." Keith sighed and caressed her hair, kissing the top of her head.

"Just; get back safely, please." He noticed she was scared, but he couldn't back out now. She had to yet see the extent of his skill in battle, so maybe if she knew she wouldn't worry that much. He hated it as much as she did, leaving her behind to fear for his life.

"I will, baby; I promise. I'm never leaving you alone again." He hoped with his entire being that it wasn't an empty promise.

"I'll wait for you. I won't close an eye before you get back in bed with me." Keith grinned at her words, hugging her tighter.

"Just like old times."

Keith didn't even knock, he stormed inside the room in the quiet, dreadful evening before the storm.

"Baby?" She saw something was wrong; he was panicking, he was all over the place. It brought back memories.

"It's the last day, isn't it?"

"Before the mission?" He paced around, not giving attention to how anxious he was making her feel. She was bottling it up; like she wasn't terrified of what was about to come.

"Yeah." He breathed out, messing up his hair, then finally resting on the bed, but still moving his hands all around his knees. He was impatient.

"I tried talking about this with Shiro, I would have even gone to Lance if he was any help, but I don't think he'd be; but then I realized this is something between us, and there's no one else I could ask but you." Keith spoke hurriedly, letting off weight from his chest cryptically, and for the first time in the last two weeks, he was avoiding her eyes.

"Keith, slowly babe, I don't understand. What do you want to ask?" She caught one of his hands in both of hers, attracting Keith's attention to the shine of the ring.

"What I want to ask, uhh..." Keith trailed off, lowering his head on her lap.

"Baby?" He was freaking her out somewhat, but she tried to keep calm and leave her smooth voice soothe him. He rose again and looked her in the eyes for a brief second, before closing them and dragging some air into his lungs.

"It's this and we're done. But it's not an easy target, it's fucking Sendak... that motherfucker almost killed us all before. Plus, calling the lions; I'm worried, I am."

"Ihmm..."

"I feel so selfish, living my best with you while in this time of crisis, but I'm so damn happy I found you I could die happily now."

"Keith..." He knew he shouldn't say things like that, he shouldn't sadden her now, before the bad even happened...

"I'm sorry, I'm trailing off... Us, we, we only got together two weeks ago, five years passed by... but for me, for me those could as much be inexistent. It's like I fell asleep next to you, in the old shack, then woke up here, on our first morning together."

"Yeah...?" She's been searching his face for clues, but still couldn't figure out what he was going on about.

"I've lost you, haven't I?" She nodded, sucking in her lips and giving him an apologetic look.

"Frankly, yeah, I don't know what you're building up to."

"Okay, I'll try this again." He slapped his thighs, filling his cheeks with air. She did nothing more than smoothly continue the conversation with the responses he hopefully wanted to receive.

"Okay."

"I need some advice from you."

"Sure, what is it?"

"Should I, uhm. Ask you to marry me?"

"What?" She let out as a whisper, watching him quietly in disbelief.

"Please don't overreact, I just... I regretted all my days for not doing it before I left.

I mean, would it even be logical to? It's been so long, we still don't know our differences, and I'm worried-" Instead of overreacting, she fell into thought as Keith ranted his insecurities. But she felt like the answer was formed on her lips since years ago. Like they were molded to say one thing only.

"I'd say yes." The look in his eyes couldn't be described, it wasn't happiness nor fear, it was something in between. He got what he wanted, but a wicked side of him hoped she wouldn't have agreed.

"And what if I die? If I don't make it out of this mission? Or any other, for that matter?"

"Then I'll proudly carry your name till the day I die."

"Oh, fuck. I think I'm gonna cry again." Keith lowered his head, supported only by his hands that were now deep buried in the sheets and mattress. She hugged his frame, laying her head on his back. She almost didn't notice Keith fidgeting with her fingers, pulling out his ring from her right hand.

He rolled off the bed, drying his eyes with his sleeve, looking up at her, propping himself up on one knee.

"Would you... would you put up with me for the rest of your life? With this apparent hero, that you turned into a man so long ago? Would you be ready to lose me again? Would you think of me even long after I'm gone, smiling?

Would you like to be mine and mine only, my miss Kogane?"

"Yes." His hands shook as he put on the ring, this time on her left hand. It looked perfect there, finally not out of place.

He climbed back on the bed, kissing her lips like it was the last time, because truly, it might be.

"Sooo, you guys are getting married?" Pidge nudged her side, in the dimly lit hospital room. Everyone gathered in the same room, to rejoice their victory in their recovery time.

"Yeah." Keith brought her hand to his lips, kissing her ring.

"Can I be your bride's mate?" Pidge excitedly wiggled her eyebrows, continuing to push into the woman like a kitten.

"I mean, I don't know you for long, but we have to have a ladies' night if you really wanna spend the rest of your life with this dweeb. Right, Allura?" She took a minute to process that she's been addressed, and also because she had no idea what the word 'dweeb' meant.

"Yes, of course! We're all friends here!" Corran nodded from the side, giving the lady a charismatic wink.

Everyone turned their heads towards the door, which seemed to have been ajar all this time, without anyone noticing a certain someone was peeking in.

"Then how about you come give your ol' friend a hug then?" He maneuvered through the beds and people, to be met with her running embrace. They squeezed each other tightly.

"Matt!" He chuckled and patted her hair, giving Keith a smirk and wink. Keith rolled his eyes.

"Missed me?"

"Fuck yeah!" He pinched her cheeks like a grandma would do, then noticed his sister looking somewhat emotionally constipated.

"Wait, wait, wait. Don't tell you too also knew each other like, all your lives?"

"Almost, haha."

"I'm suing. I'm suing all y'all. And here I was, whining all my life about not having a best friend."

"Well, you'll have one now, sis." Matt guided her back to the seat in the back, making some space in there as well. They all began talking this and that again, but in small groups rather than all together. Suddenly, she called out to everyone to listen to her.

"Okay, bear with me, but; I want to let his out.

Besides my friends, you guys are also my heroes. You've heard this a thousand times before, but thank you. Not only for saving the universe, but also for taking care of Keith while I couldn't." She cringed herself at her words, but the others seemed to smile and pat her back, those who could reach her. The others showed her a thumbs up, Lance even clapped.

"I couldn't have put it better." Krolia didn't know who's voice she was agreeing with, but she seemed to have walked in in the perfect moment.

"Mom! Kolivan!" Keith let go of everything and stepped over the people on the floor to go and hug his mom, then give a handshake to his former commander.

"Hey baby. Are you feeling better?" Her long fingers moved the hair from his eyes, careful not to touch the bandage on his head.

"Yeah, I am, but; tell me you've told me so, please." She looked confused, firstly looking around the room. She saw a new face between known people, but then again, she couldn't be familiar with everyone.

"I've told you so?"

"Good, now look who I found." He caught her hand and forcefully dragged her in front of him, in front of Krolia. She was nervous, giving off a smile that might have seen weird.

"Hello Mrs. Krolia." Things became clear soon, mainly because the possessive grip her son had on this woman's waist. She accepted it fairly easily, and couldn't be happier.

"Son, you're so damn lucky." Kolivan had no clue what was going on, so his stand was awkward next to the three of them.

"I'm actually way luckier than you think.

And please don't scream at me." Against her subtle protesting, he lifted up her left hand and proudly showed off the ring to his mom. Both females didn't react well, one bracing and on wrinkling her brows greatly.

"Keith, don't tell me you did-"

"I did." His courage to stay positive about it and not show any regret or fear towards his mom was what made her give in. From the stories he told, from all the nights he cried about losing her, she could realize this what all he ever wanted. She couldn't scream at her son for finally having his wish granted. Repercussions were to arise later, but now it was alright.

"I honestly never thought I'd see the day I become a mother-in-law. Come here, sweethearts."  Keith's glee was voiced with a giggle that showed nothing but innocence; the differences between melted in that one embrace, and suddenly they were all one.

"Welcome to the Kogane's."

"And this is Black." The last on the list to be showed off, sat calmly in the bay, with glassy eyes. Her tall presence was overwhelming.

"She's... wow." She touched her leg carefully, tracing the metal like it was fragile.

"Let us in, kitten." Black began moving, and she surely jumped a little, running to Keith's side. When the ramp was down, they walked inside, with Keith holding her tightly to his side. But once in, the fear seemed to wash off, as she began inspecting everything. He waited patiently, resting his arm around the chair in the center command. He called her over after some time, to show her the interface as well.

"Take a sit, experience the paladin life." She hesitated, but Keith ultimately pushed her down by the shoulders. She took in every button, every pedal, lever and joystick. It was all still way too new to her, but with Keith's help she'll maybe, someday, understand this lifestyle.

"Babe, I always knew you were a brilliant pilot, but how do you even? This looks super complicated." He chuckled under his breath, reaching for her left hand which he's grown obsessed with.

"And it's also in Altean."

"Oh, Jesus." She rolled her head on the chair, scoffing as if she didn't expect something like that.

"Well Black, meet my future wife. I've told you lots about her, if you remember."

She knew there was something magical, life-filled with the lions, but it surely felt weird to have her fiancé talk to the air in a robotic cat. Some sort of rustle ensued, a vibrating energy that burst into yellow lights in Black's eyes. The windows turned into direct camera feed, every button lighting up and screen over screen popping up. She was left speechless.

"Seems like she likes you." She couldn't help but accept it, grin it off as some sort of compliment. One day, she thought, one day it'll all make sense.

"Hey, Black, how about we go out for a bit?"

"Keith, wait-" For that, she wasn't yet ready. She wanted to scram off and out, but she couldn't.

"Don't worry, I don't even have to touch the pedals to pilot her. What about the moon? You always loved the moon."

"Keith, nooooo-!"

Their smiles decorated the stars, their laughs echoed in the void of the universe. And they would've forever done so, if Haggar didn't have different plans...

 Masterlist

[greenishbucket]

for @lardo-week day 1: canon/canon divergence

“Hand me a hair tie,” says Lardo, voice muffled where her cheek is stuck against Shitty’s chest.

For all his family is rich white money, their AC doesn’t work for shit, is what Lardo has found this summer. She’s been at Shitty’s for two weeks -- despite her parents (and Shitty’s dad’s far stronger and uglier) misgivings about her hanging out with a dude from college without any parents around -- and it’s been two weeks of continual sweating. Lardo wants to shower constantly.

Shitty wriggles around to reach the hair tie pile Lardo has next to the bed without dislodging her. There’s no way they’re going to cut down on their cuddle and chill time, hot as balls and sweaty as it may be; Lardo hasn’t seen Shits all summer before this, and in a few days she’ll be back home and then off to Kenya til the spring.

Shitty finally hands her a hair tie and says, tying back his own flow with another tie, “At least you’re gonna be prepared as shit for the heat after this.”

“Don’t even,” says Lardo. “I’m gonna transfer my study to, like, Antarctica. I’m done with sweating.” She revels in the temporary relative coolness now her hair is off her neck, then mashes her face back into Shitty’s chest. It’s dumb, and she’s lowkey actually excited beyond words for Kenya, but she’s gonna miss him so much.

“That would be pretty swaesome, not gonna lie. Get in on those fucking penguin huddles.” 

“Wouldn’t that defeat the point? I wanna be cold, not cosy.”

“Dude, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: we’ll buy one of those cooler bags, empty out the fridge and take all the draws out and shit, then you get up on a chair and climb right in,” says Shitty, Lardo listening with awful fondness as he attempts to persuade her for the tenth time in two days, “I’ll give you a flashlight and play Netflix with audio description for you.”

“Thanks, Shits. You’ve always got my back.”

Shitty shrugs and strokes her hair a bit, playing with the ponytail. “Hey, it’s what I’m here for. You come up for sicker burns for my dad’s CD collection than I ever could, I empty out my fridge and shut you inside. Mutually fucking beneficial, bro.”

They listen to the AC’s wheezy attempts for a minute or two.

“Would you cut my hair?” asks Lardo.

Shitty is quiet. “Uh. Well.” He pauses. “Lards, I am honored to the depths of my soul that you would, uh, trust me with that but I also feel it’s my moral-bound duty to warn you it would be the ugliest shit ever. Like, a mullet or some shit. Or worse.”

Lardo makes her voice small and sad and says, “Oh. Sure. Like, if you don’t wanna then no problem, it doesn’t matter.” She can feel Shitty growing uncomfy under and makes sure he can’t see the smile starting to spread across her face. She loves fucking with him.

“Lardo, no!” he protests unhappily. “I would cut your hair all day every day, bro, if I had a single fucking modicum of skill in these hands.”

“It’s fine, Shits.”

“No, no, no, wait,” says Shitty, and then with grim determination, “I will do my utmost to give you the sickest flow known to man. I’ll read one of those wikihows and watch a fuck load of youtube clips and we’ll be outta here, chopping and clipping and all that good shit.” 

He reaches for his cell to start researching and Lardo admires the dedication but knows it’s time to cut this off before Shitty is two hours and twenty videos deep.

“Shitty, I’m kidding. I wouldn’t let you in twenty feet of my hair with a pair of scissors, fully no shade.”

“No shit?” and then when Lardo gives him a come on, bro look, Shitty breathes out a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank fuck. Holy shit, Lards. My God. I thought you were suffering some hardcore heatstroke there.”

“Don’t front, you were gonna do it.”

“Some intensive dehydration seriously fucking impeding your decision making capabilities, man.”

Lardo let’s him have it. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’m thinking I’m gonna do it when I’m back in the US of A, gonna get that Samwell chop.”

“Yeah?” says Shits, and Lardo knows he’s not just asking about a change in hairstyle. Everyone knows who it is that gets the Samwell chop.

Lardo shrugs. “Yeah. I’m not gonna tell my parents anything yet, but I’m gonna start building on those art student vibes.”

“Gonna finally get Camilla Collins to swoon at your feet?”

Lardo kicks him, medium-strength. “Fuck off, Shits, you were schwasted but I know you remember us making out at the tennis club kegster. You literally high-fived me about it when you saw her selfies on your FB feed, like, a week ago.”

“Just proud of you, dude. My hottest two BFFs getting with the one and only Camilla Collins in one academic year is a lot for one man to handle. Some stunning taste all round.”

Lardo can’t disagree with him. “Well, anyway. Your boner aside, bro, I’m just saying this all because if I cut all my hair off in Kenya with no plan and it’s fuck-ugly instead of reaching a peak bi aesthetic, it’s gonna be because all my heat-coping abilities were worn into oblivion by your shitty fucking AC.”

“Hey!” says Shitty, all put-on offense, “she’s old and she’s a beauty that’s just trying her best. Also, the fridge is right fucking there, Lards, I have told you the exact course of action.”

Lardo tries to sound snappy but fails, swallowing a laugh halfway through at the image as she says, “For fuck’s sake, Shitty, you get in the fridge if you love it so much!”

[taww]

Show Report: AXPONA 2018 by MGD

I’m deeply honored to share this show report by my old friend and audio mentor Martin DeWulf. Marty, or MGD, founded Bound for Sound magazine back in 1989, and quickly became a major voice in the subjectivist high-end scene. More personally, he was hugely influential in my formative years as an audiophile. Back when I was a broke music student, he responded to my letter asking for affordable recommendations by sending me my first speakers, a pair of Tannoy bookshelves. Later he brought me on as a staff writer and taught me most everything I know about this crazy hobby. I’m forever grateful for his support and guidance over the years.

Marty had to stop publishing several years ago due to serious health issues, and after a long hiatus it was wonderful to hear from him again. He stopped by the AXPONA audio show in Chicago in April, and shared this thoughtful and touching account. Marty, it’s great to have you back.

It had been approximately 9 long, cold years since I had attended an audio show of any kind. There had been a time when audio and the trade shows were an indispensable part of my life…I went to at least one show a year for over 26 years. So, it was a decision of monumental proportions when I decided that I would go to AXPONA 2018. It would mean putting my cane away and driving to the Chicago area (Schaumberg). Worst of all, it would mean talking my wife, Laura, into going with me.  I couldn’t go it alone and she is not a fan of audio shows.

MBL, VAC, Walsh HHR

Unfortunately, the illness that has been so much a part of my life for the last 9 years could not be totally cast off for even a day, not entirely anyway. My wife knew how much being there meant to me, so I begged her indulgence and promised her the moon in return…how could she not bend to my persuasion? She agreed to go once I plied her with chocolate. Laura even agreed to drive. We found the hotel with ease and made our way inside after putting the handicap placard in the window of our car. Once in the front door it smelled like audiophiles wearing cheap cologne and Burkenstocks. I started seeing people that I hadn’t seen in almost a decade. Paul McGowan was first to go by, I recognized him, but I don’t think he remembered me … just a big guy looking lost and a bit out of breath. Turning my attention down the hallway I spotted Richard Vandersteen. Not that many years ago (the middle 1970s but it seems like yesterday to me), Richard made his way to his first CES with a pair of Model II speakers under his arm, after which, and for good reason, he became an almost overnight audio sensation. Again, I wasn’t recognized, but he did smile nicely at my wife.

The longer I was there, the more those old feelings of purpose and belonging started coming back. As some of the pain that kept me away for so long started to settle in my back and legs, I knew it was only a matter of time until someone that I knew would turn around and be glad to see me too.

THERE ARE A LOT OF WAYS TO WRITE A SHOW REPORT

Every year in Las Vegas while I was reviewing, there would be a flock of manufacturers in big, fancy rooms setting up systems costing hundreds of thousands of dollars. Sometimes the speakers alone would cost more than a years’ wages, maybe double that - $35,000 for an amplifier, $25,000 for a preamp and another $20,000 for a source component. Put it all in an enormous room, far larger than any real audiophile would want, get lousy sound and then tell everyone how wonderful everything was under the conditions. Conditions!? A system costing over $150,000 should be able to overcome anything you throw at it. I am therefore, out of a sense of fairness, going to put an emphasis on those rooms that were smaller than a basketball court and filled by names which might not be, for the ordinary audiophile, common household names.

WHEN THREE ARE ONE

There were three rooms, which, in my estimation, were ahead of all others for reasons notable and different. Now this is what an audio show is all about!

As a whole, I thought the aggregate sound to be far above anything I’d heard while attending the various CES from 1989 through 2009. I believe some of the praise for the overall sound had to do with the quality of the rooms at the Renaissance convention center…far better than anything I can recall from CES Chicago or Las Vegas. If there was a common failing demonstrated from room to room there, it had to be in the bass. There was plenty of bass, everyone had bass, but save for the very few (that I will mention), the lower the bass went, the more “one-note” it became. Fortunately, by the time the music hit one-note-land it was sufficiently deep that most people wouldn’t even notice the effect.

PranaFidelity, HRT Stage VIII, YG Acoustics, Ayon Audio

There were three rooms that I felt to be well ahead of the others that I heard. Not having heard every room, please don’t view my opinions here as some Biblical truth on everything at the show – it’s not. Except for maybe these rooms:

GamuT: Until this day, I’d never really been a big Gamut fan…well, I am now. The Gamut amp, preamp and speakers (RS7 speakers, $39,000.00) disappeared in the room, but that isn’t what mesmerized me – no, it was the tone and organic texturing which hijacked my sonic expectations, expectations founded on years and years of listening and observing critically. I’m not referring to these things in the normal context of a reviewer writing for his readers. For, I have never, ever heard the human voice reproduced as naturally as it was in this room, and I expect, had you been in the room with me you would feel the same. For the “old audio soldier” who has quite literally “heard it all” and heard it all more than once, I had never before experienced the breathy sensation of life in front of a microphone being played back into a room like it had been that day. It was uncanny and, need I say?, lifelike. Extraordinarily, lifelike. Why? Pinning the “why?” on any one component is foolish and a sure way to be found wrong when the reason for this wonderful illusion is made manifest. But I should mention this, the components in this “living” room were all perched upon a product named Pneuance and the Pneupods. Feet that one inflates inside an industrial looking metal cup, and then places under the equipment (even the speakers, or so I’m told). Was it the Pneupods? I don’t know, and I suspect that even without the Pneupods the room would still have dropped my jaw multiple inches.

Prana Fidelity: Here we have a speaker that doesn’t cost more than a new Harley Davidson, though it may be just as exciting. Steve Norber is a wonderful human being, but now I suspect he might be an even better audio designer!!! Fed by a Luxman CD player, Steve designed the preamp (purna/ca $5,950.00), the power amp (purna/ma, 400 wpc, $8,950.00) and the loudspeakers (Bhava $4,950.00). The speakers heard that day were a relatively small three driver, two way affair mounted upon sturdy stands by Sound Anchor. Immutable are the laws of physics. A clear understanding of electrical engineering and speaker design might allow a designer to cheat a physical law here or there (something Bob Carver has been a genius at), but, from what I was hearing with these speakers, amp and preamp combo, there appeared to be a complete re-write of the laws of audiology in progress. How did Steve do it? The one note bass in other rooms was not present here. With speakers this size, bass response isn’t generally expected in prodigiously clean amounts, yet, bass from this compact speaker went wonderfully low, and scary loud without the faintest hint of distortion or fatigue inducing colorations. If looking for a speaker in the $5,000 range, I strongly suggest visiting Steve Norber at Prana.

HRT Stage VIII stacked speaker system from Elite AV Distribution: The speaker arrangement was indeed unusual being unique in my experience and very favorably priced. Supported by a distinguished group of backup components those speakers truly sang. Paired with a table that costs more than I’ll ever be able to afford, the beautiful Kuzma Stabi M ($19,225.00), with another $10,000.00 worth of arm and cartridge, feeding a Plinius phono stage, was a dynamo, even explosive at times, making some of the hottest vinyl of the ‘70s seem on fire. But the speakers were the attention getters in this room. A pair of HRT speakers will set you back $650.00. That’s not a typo. What Elite did, something most audiophiles would not think of doing, was stack multiple pairs of the HRT speakers one upon the other. I haven’t seen someone do that since the hot audiophile trick of stacking large Advent speakers one upon the other back in the 1970s. Was it 8 pairs here? I forget, but once tied together with some very effective Furutech wires and cabling, the system was capable of a stentorian assault on the human auditory system – oh, could it go loud! And yet on getting a simple whisper right, the system excelled. Good job Elite.

A WONDERFUL SECOND RANK

These are the show entrants which, for one reason or another, struck me as superb performers and fully deserving of mention:

The VAC Amplification Company is here, not for a single performance in any one room, but for the fact that VAC gear was sounding exceptional in any number of rooms. VAC, with speakers from Von Schweikert, Sonist and Gershman enhanced their presentations. I particularly liked the Posh speakers from Gershman with the VAC electronics. They gave a full room experience that was balanced and enjoyable.

I’ve known Bill Dudleston for a long time and was hoping to talk to him in his room … he wasn’t there (when I was, anyway). But his speakers were and acted like the world class performers they are. Taking up a small corner of a very large room, Legacy Audio demonstrated the AERIS, 4.5 way system ($21,450.00). They sounded articulate as well as potent, all packaged in a very attractive industrial motif.

Legacy Audio, Acapella Audio Arts, Clearaudio Innovation

Being an audiophile born in the 50s, but coming of age in the 70s, I have known of and wanted, at times desperately, a speaker based on the Ohm/Walsh driver. In Chicago was HHR Exotic Speakers and their top of the line product carried the moniker TLS-1 ($15,000.00). Low and behold, what I saw was a single 12” Walsh type driver with full 360 degree dispersion filling the room with seamless sound! No woofer, no midrange driver, no crossover, just the beautiful Walsh driver energizing a room of happy audiophiles. I believe that this speaker may have made the top rank were it not for the sensation I had that the driver wasn’t quite broken in. The exhibitor confirmed my suspicion when he said that the speaker had been built just for the show…and I was there on the first day.

I don’t usually think of audio when I hear the word Einstein. From Germany comes Einstein audio electronics. As I sat and listened, the more I was convinced that these guys with their tube and solid state designs knew the sound of music and saw to it that their equipment reflected that. I wish I had more facts to give you other than a few subjective findings; the sonic experience in the Einstein room was a worthy one. Which brings me to a new marque called Eikon. From Gayle Sanders of Martin Logan fame comes a new DSP intelligent loudspeaker that, if I understand this correctly, constantly adjusts its output to compensate for irregularities in the listening room. Ordinarily, I’d be supremely skeptical of such a system - too complicated - but it sounded good. I liked it a hair less than the Gamut (less refined, not as amazingly textured), but the potential to be better does seem to be there. Ayon tube electronics with Lumen White loudspeakers showed fast and full range at the same time. The Orthos mono amps with Spheris preamp retail for around $60,000.00 together. The Lumen White speakers had an unusual finish and retail for $49,900.00.

Help! I need something that costs less than thirty-fifty thousand dollars – quick! Whew, leave it to an Italian firm to come to the rescue. AudioThesis of Arlington, Texas is importing a sweet sounding, single-ended integrated tube amplifier from Mastersound with a retail price of $3,500.00. Now we’re talking! Appearing much more expensive than its price, the unit was refined yet dynamic sounding, while maintaining that certain organic sweetness so many audiophiles hunger for. If you are not an oil baron or social network owner, the Mastersound may be your musical ticket. And while on the enjoyable subject of equipment some would say is affordable, let me introduce Wells Audio. Showing with Anticables and Salk Sound, Wells featured the Commander preamplifier. Trying to get technical aspects of a product correct in a full blown review can be difficult, much less in a show report, but let me try. This preamplifier is a tube/transistor hybrid using a 12BH7A triode tube and phase splitter buffer stage . . . and it just gets more complex after that. But the gear sounds really good. Affordable? They have solid state power amps at $4,000.00, $6,000.00 and a coming amp at $1,699.00. I’m going to keep an eye on these guys because the power amplifiers look especially worthy of coverage.

A decade ago, I didn’t care for these speakers at all. Nor did I care much for the sound of their power amps and preamps. The company was mbl, my first exposure being to the Radialstrahler metal driver loudspeaker. You’ve seen them. They look like a metal football on top of a shiny base. When I first heard them so many years ago, they sounded metallic and hard: which they were, they being made of metal and being hard. They sounded better this year, a lot better, so much so, that I thoroughly enjoyed my 15 minutes or so in the mbl suite. The drivers kind of remind me of the Walsh driver, at least in principle, and that’s a good thing. Expensive? Don’t ask.

Pass Labs has it right. Pricey electronics, okay, I understand that. But the build quality, in my opinion, justifies the price. For $4,900.00 Pass has introduced a 25 wpc pure class A amplifier, and they have a new preamp in the affordable range too. The cool thing about Pass is that they may introduce a less expensive model every now and then, but they don’t sacrifice sonics to do so. In my estimation, the 25 wpc amp sounds as fine as the 30 wpc amp, which sounds as fine as the 60 wpc amp. They just have less power, but since they all run pure class A and are built to a similarly high quality – they all sound fantastic. I’d be as happy as a hound dog chasin’ a raccoon if I had a set of 160 wpc mono amps, but owning the 30 wpc Pass stereo amplifier has made me a happy audiophile for a long time.

With the rejuvenated interest in vinyl records, the invasion of the record cleaners was in full force – it had to happen. I’m not naming them, nor am I making any recommendations as to what works and what does not. Why don’t you buy one and then tell me.

Joseph Audio Pearl 3, GamuT RS7

HONORABLE MENTION

I didn’t feel that I could walk away from this assignment without first giving a nod to some of the attendees that came across extremely well without me being able to have an extended listen to the products themselves. Here are my impressions:

Joseph Audio: Fine drivers with Infinite Slope crossovers.

Pear Audio turntables: Made great sound in more than one room – made me want one.

Karan Acoustics: Beautiful electronics made to high standards.

NOLA loudspeakers: The Contender S3 for $6,900.00, high efficiency with purity of sound.

Dynaudio: I love their drivers…

Clearaudio turntables: Beauty with functionality (and I own one!).

VPI turntables: They were everywhere.

Magico: I’ve always loved the sound of these, if only they didn’t cost so much!!!

Daedalus speakers: Gorgeous build quality and sound. Made great advancements in sound.

ELAC: Old name, new promise with a nice sounding inexpensive speaker.

Rogue Audio: Every room they were in sounded good.

YG Acoustics: Didn’t care for this speaker a few years back, much better now.

Kronos: Beautiful turntables with counter rotating platters that I had a hard time taking my eyes off of.

Parasound: I got to their room just as I was starting to feel pretty poorly. As always, Richard Schram was amiable and a joy to talk to, but I wasn’t able to take him up on his offer of a tour. They were showing with Tekton loudspeakers, a brand I’ve been dying to hear, if only for the unique, some might say weird, tweeter arrangements. Sorry guys, I couldn’t stay.

And kudos to the two guys from Peoria, Illinois that not only remembered me but remembered my heart’s work, Bound for Sound.

-MGD                      

[indigo-streaks-in-her-hair]

500 Follower Ask Celebration :)

welp, here we are with 500 beautiful lovelies reading our fics. when we first started this blog, we never imagined such a wonderful response. everyone is the nicest & we both can’t express how grateful we are for every one of you.

thank you so much for sticking by us, even during our rough times. your support means the world to the both of us, & you all keep us going more than you think. you all inspire us every single day, & never fail to make us laugh.

you, yes all of you, are the best followers in the whole damn universe. you’re all irreplaceable & extremely dear to us. we love you guys so much. words can’t begin to describe how we feel.

and so, since we literally can’t come up with anything else to do on this momentous occasion, our original plan for 500 was to reblog a long ass ask list for you guys to send in numbers, but since that would all be complicated on the matter of the two of us answering, we decided to just answer all these 45 questions.

you’ll find the questions and our answers under the cut! enjoy!

 um she’s really lovely and sympathetic and true and magnificent and her name is summer and the most annoying thing about her is that she’s not annoying at all. -v

pretty much the fact that vic is better than me at  e v e r y t h i n g . she’s so much more caring and generous and beautiful and she’s always there for me whenever i’m having a bad day or if i’m just lonely or whenever i need someone to talk to. she’s also super polite and hilarious as hell. -s

2 • least favorite tv shows? 

oops sorry if i offend some people but i really don’t like vampire diaries, thirteen reasons why, gossip girl, or the uk version of the office. -v

i don’t, like,,,,, watch tv much so all honesty, i can’t really have an answer for this? sorry?? -s

3 • favorite moment with your best friend ( s ) ? 

oh omg i was texting summer a few weeks ago discussing and finalizing which fic requests we were each going to be taking and we had that one request asking for a connor imagine in which him and the reader take zoe to get her wisdom teeth out so i said something around the lines of “i can take connor and the wisdom teeth” and i literally froze before following that up with “omg that could be a name for a band”. summer freaks out and we’re both laughing hysterically over text and we stop everything and just spit out crappy band names that include connor and various body parts like “connor and the tonsils” and “connor and the funny bone” and even “connor and the fractured pelvis” and we’re absolutely dying because we can’t stop cackling at this stupid thing i brought up which made me laugh out loud a hundred times and i ended up scaring my own grandmother when she saw me giggling crazily with my phone. she ended up cutting me a slice of pie because she thought there was actually something wrong and the pie might help me calm down. so if the person who requested “connor and the wisdom teeth” is reading this right now i just wanna say thank you for requesting and your idea is amazing and your fic will forever be iconic ily. -v

oh my god, i was literally going to say the exact same thing vic did, but i guess i can choose a different memory.  one time vic posted a pic of a turtle on her sc story and i was like “girl omg” and she remembered that time she played the character Turtle in her school’s production of The Westing Game play and then we started reminiscing on our old nerdy memories like when a projected video didn’t work for her and she had to just say all the audio backstage, or the time after my school’s cheap ass production of the Wizard of Oz during curtain call i tried to quickly change from my farmhand costume to my tin man costume and i forgot to put my shoes on and i slipped and fell on my ass during curtain call (i also forgot to bow but unimPORTANT) and it was just so sweet and cute but honestly every moment with vic is the bEST. -s

4 • what’s one quality you would like to have? 

hm i’ve always wanted lighter eyes, mine are this boring brown color. whenever i’m in sunlight, they become shot through with these bits of gold and amber and it’s super pretty and that’s the only time they really lighten up. it would be really nice if they were like that all the time. -v

my big nose and thin hair have been the #1 qualities i’m most self conscious of, so i would really like to either have a smaller nose, or thicker hair. my face is already super oily as is, but my nose is the worst part, and i’ve always hated how my nostrils are almost as big has my eyes. as for the thin hair, you always have to be cautious about what you do with it, because there’s so little of it. like, i’m hella prone to sweating, which sucks, so if i sweat too much, my hair can easily build up enough grease to look like i just got out of the shower in a matter of minutes. or if i sleep on it the “wrong way”, and portions of are crinkled awkwardly or sticking out, then that’s how it’s going to look the entire day. and i can’t do any cute hairstyles with it because it all will fall out. -s

5 • name three people of the same sex you would kiss, marry, or fuck. 

kiss rachelle ann go, marry pippa soo, and fuck laura dreyfuss oops. -v

kiss pippa soo, marry eva noblezada, and as for the other one,,,, i’ll get back to you on that.. -s

6 • do you like your full name? 

hell no it sounds so boring and standard. -v

hahahahahah, no way. -s

7 • tell me your most embarrassing memory. 

erhm so many? how do i choose? i’ve tripped in front of crushes hundreds of times, i spelled a word wrong in a spelling bee that i really did know how to spell but my anxiety acted up and i panicked so badly, i ran into a sliding glass door literally yesterday, when i was little i sang in a public bathroom and everyone heard, i also fell out of a tree? does that make me evan hansen? -v

oh n o. there’s too much there, i swear. um, i got so nervous when someone asked me what my name was, i told them i was “helen”, but i think that was because i accidentally said “hell” too loud and tried to cover it up. i’ve tripped so many times on a flat ground. once i was crying in a public bathroom and a kid started banging on the door and told his mom that no one was in there, so before they got the staff to open the door, i panicked and hid my face in my sleeve as i ran out of there. omg there was also one time, a long ass time ago, someone asked me who my favorite member of one direction was and i didn’t know who they were because in my house we don’t listen to (at the time) contemporary music. not to mention anything in english?? but anyways, i’d heard of them but nothing about them, so me, trying desperately to fit in said “i like all four of them”. and they told me “there’s five”. there was also a time i was invited to this girl’s retreat thing in her youth group when we took a field trip to this pumpkin patch and they had this corn maze and we tried to go through it, but i got lost and nobody was around me and for some reason i thought everyone just left so i was terrified and crying and just started running straight through the corn. but then one of the other kids saw me and called me out to everyone and i was too embarrassed and anxious to say “i got lost”. there’s probably so many more memories and probably worse ones too, but in short, my life is a huge embarrassment. -s

8 • favorite color to wear? 

pastel baby blue is my number one. i have this off shoulder blouse that’s this pretty sky blue color and white and i think it’s my favorite item of clothing. -v

i can’t make a lot of colors look good on me so usually i turn to black, gray, or any dark shade. -s

9 • favorite restaurant? 

there’s a vietnamese place called “saigon diamond” in my city and it’s absolutely wonderful and i would go there every single day if i could. -v

i love this little place, it’s called “cafe vie” where they have boba tea, spring rolls, phở, all sorts of vietnamese food and it’s just so quaint and the food is the best there, honestly. i’m so hungry now. -s

10 • what would be a good first date for you? 

take me to a broadway show and then dinner and i will be the happiest girl in the world. -v

vic pretty much took it away at “broadway show” for me. and dinner is hella important, food is so good. i don’t have high standards, but if you really want to make an impression on me, then i’m literally the biggest sucker for romantic gestures. -s

11 • are you a good wrestler? 

thumb, yes. arm, no. full body contact, idk about that but i do know karate so i will fight you. -v

lmao, no. -s

12 • are you allergic to something? 

up until the time i was five or something i was allergic to grass and i had to wear pants whenever i went outside and it was honestly horrible because i couldn’t play tag or run around like other kids my age. -v

i honestly don’t know but most bug bites i get can get hella blisters and really gross even if i don’t touch them. -s

13 • would you be a good singer? 

i’ve been singing pretty much my entire life but it was only this year that i started gaining confidence with my voice so i guess i consider myself a good singer? i’m not completely there yet, though. -v

i really hope so. i’ve been a big choir nerd since i was 7 or 8 and i’m really passionate about singing, but that really has nothing to do with skill, i guess? i don’t really like the sound of my voice, but i’m pretty decent at harmonizing. -s

14 • who’s the last person you said “ i love you ” to? 

summer aka the shining light in this dark world. -v

victoire aka the actual light of my life?? love you, vic -s

15 • what car would you buy if you had enough money? 

um a porsche obviously because that shit is prime. -v

literally any car that doesn’t break down. as long as it can transport me from point a to point b without any troubles, then i am set. -s

16 • favorite cover of a song? 

currently it’s that cover of ben platt singing “ stay ” that’s floating around tumblr rn and i think i had an eargasm when i listened to it the first time i was so shook. -v

i can’t pickk a favv omg. everyone is so frickin talented it makes me actually want to curl up and yell. -s

17 • what was your last conversation about? 

coincidentally it was summer telling me we hit 500 and me proceeding to flip out. -v

hah, i don’t remember who it was with but i went around telling a couple people that my dad took my phone and i can only contact them from my crappy chromebook. -s

18 • where were you born? 

good ol’ michigan in the usa where i still live today. come visit us because we have chocolate fudge, cereal, and eminem if you like that kind of shit. we also have lots of lakes and pretty places and we’re so cool we’re shaped like a fucking mitten. -v

kansas, where i also still live today. maybe i don’t get out much, but it’s kinda boring here,, -s

19 • least favorite app? 

there’s this app on my uncle’s phone called “ chicken scream ” where this chicken has to jump onto platforms but to do that you have to scream and the octave of your voice determines how high the chicken jumps. seriously fucked up and i hate it but it’s hilarious watching people play it. -v

anything that can’t entertain me for more than two minutes. i have such a short attention span -s

20 • tell me two facts about the country of your birth. 

um we have the largest air force in the world and we sell enough pizza every day to cover one hundred whole acres and no i am not lying i read this in a book ok bye. -v

uhhh… its abbreviation, “USA” stands for the United States of America, and it’s made up of 50 states. -s

21 • do you like wearing sunglasses? 

actually i hate wearing sunglasses because they get tangled in my hair but if a pair looks good with my outfit then i will wear them for the sake of fashion. -v

i don’t wear sunglasses really at all, so i guess i can’t really have an opinion on them? -s

22 • when’s a good moment for a first kiss? 

goodbye kisses are the best, do not tell me otherwise. walk me home and then kiss me goodbye at the door and i will be thinking about you all the damn time and i’ll can’t wait to see you. -v

i think for a first kiss it should be a very important thing, so whoever you have it with should be really close to you, and someone you know that even if things don’t work out, you can always look back on it as a positive memory. but what would i know? -s

23 • what are your nationalities? 

i was born in america to immigrant parents who came from the philippines. along with the filipino blood, my great grandmother on my dad’s side was chinese, and my great grandparents on my mom’s side were spanish. -v

i was also born in america to immigrant parents, but they were from vietnam. my great grandparents on my mom’s side were chinese. -s

24 • what would make you drop college / university? 

ha are you kidding me if i ever dropped out of any sort of education my strict asian parents would probably disown me and mushu the dragon would appear out of nowhere and give me that whole “ dishonor ” speech. -v

^damn vic, i couldn’t have said it any better. -s

25 • a crossover between two shows ( any shows ) you would like to see? 

idk about any of you but a crossover between riverdale and doctor who sounds hella awesome. i’d definitely watch that. -v

frick;; i don’t watCH TV at like,,, all?? -s

26 • long or short hair? 

on me? honestly i prefer to have long hair but i’ll go shoulder length if i’m really feeling brave or something. when i was little i had super short hair with bangs so i was basically an asian dora the explorer. -v

short hair, for sure. i used to have hair down to my waist when i was younger and that was probably the grossest thing about me because it was so disproportionate to my head/face and made me look like if E.T. had two long strands of black yarn on its head. but even before that ofc i had a bowl cut. what asian kid doesn’t have a bowl cut, honetsly. although, over the summer i don’t cut my hair so i can dye the ends, then have it cut when school starts. the farthest it goes down is barely past my shoulders. -s

27 • a character from a book / tv show that shouldn’t of died? 

max lightwood from the mortal instruments book series was the purest bean, and he wasn’t even ten years old yet and that definitely broke my heart. as for tv characters, i sobbed for days on end when arthur from the bbc show merlin died. -v

um,,, crap idk. -s

28 • favorite movie scene? 

pitch perfect two where ben platt’s character benji musters up the courage to kiss emily before the bellas go on. idk why but it’s so cute? maybe it’s just ben? -v

sidenote: vic, i love that scene. anyways, maybe that final scene in heathers where martha gets her one line. idk. -s

29 • do you ship more fictitional characters or real people? 

fictional characters of course. who would i be without my otps? -v

definitely fictional characters. -s

30 • favorite country song? 

i seriously despise country music. i just don’t like it. it’s bleh. i don’t really know half the artists or their songs so i can’t have a favorite. -v

frickin “your man” by josh turner. i’m seriously kidding. i don’t listen to country music efiouhadjhdsilvb -s

31 • favorite john green book? 

it’s tied between “ paper towns “and ” looking for alaska “ because both are equally cryptic and beautiful at the same time and i love when books are like that. -v

heck, i really like “looking for alaska” -s

32 • least favorite ed sheeran song? 

oh come on. i love ed. you can’t expect me to pick a least favorite. but when it comes to the song i skip over most of the time it has to be ” even my dad does sometimes “ from multiply ( x ). -v

uhhhhmmmm… hell if i know -s

33 • favorite ship? 

malec from shadowhunters will always be my otp until the day i die. the ship is so diverse and has so much chemistry and if you read the books magnus and alec are so in love i can’t handle. -v

i don’t frickin knowwww. i’m honestly feeling so attacked right now. i’m so sorry if all of my answers are like this, i’m literally the most indecisive person in the actual world. -s

34 • how do you deal with sexual tension? 

uM -v

uM -s

35 • name a celebrity who died that you miss. 

our queen carrie fisher. i grew up with star wars always on my tv and when i heard of her passing i cried and rewatched ” the force awakens “ with blankets and two boxes of tissues. -v

there’s really too many to choose from, and thinking about all of the happy memories they’ve brought to me and everyone is just getting me so emotional. -s

36 • favorite harry potter spell? 

i’m really fucking basic but ” lumos “ is the best. it’s so simple. it’s light. and idk why that resonates with me but i just think everyone needs a little light these days. -v

i literally said “lumos” too, but now i’m going to choose “riddikulus” because turning boggarts into something funny proves that anyone can find humor in their biggest fear. -s

37 • something you are scared of losing? 

my family. there’s no way in hell i’d make it through life without my little brother or my grandparents who are there for me. -v

i’m terrified of losing the few friends i have. everyone i used to know didn’t have a single hesitation in forgetting me or even trying to lose contact with me. -s

38 • someone you regret meeting? 

i could make you a list and tell you what each one did to make me regret even looking at them but i don’t wanna go out on a full on bitch rant about these people who ended up wasting my time. but i’ll just say i’ve met my share of shitty human beings. -v

too many. there have been too many people who’ve hurt me or betrayed me or have honestly made me feel like a horrible person, and i really wish i could forget every last one of them. little tip: it doesn’t matter how long you’ve known a person, it doesn’t excuse any sort of bullshit or betrayal they’ve done. -s

39 • have you ever been hurt by someone you thought was your friend?

yes and it’s caused a lot of emotional and mental issues. i’ve been backstabbed and used so many times and i just wish i could stop being stupid and blind for not seeing it in the first place. -v

god, yes. i wish it didn’t take me this long and this much damage to realize i shouldn’t have been throwing around my trust or my yearning to be accepted so lightly. getting hurt by the people you thought cared about you most is the most awful feeling, especially knowing that every single act of kindness and sympathy and love to them meant nothing. -s

40 • do you easily open up to people? 

yes and no, actually. it ultimately depends on the person and whether i have a connection with them. -v

it’s really hard to open up to people in real life because i don’t know if they’re confidently lying to my face or will use my own words against me to people who also know me irl. but online it’s easy to open up to my friends there because i can find people who understand shit i go through and actually take the time to give a crap. -s

41 • what is a gift you love receiving? 

hugs. i love hugs. gimme all the hugs you got, boo. -v

damn, v knows exactly what i’m going to say. i love hugs so frickin much, but honestly any sort of affection is all i need, like, smooches? yes?? compliments? absoLUTELY?? cuddles??? MARRY ME?!?! -s

42 • what is something you could leave easily? 

erhm maybe my notebooks? i usually journal in them but not that often anymore. -v

probably hair clips. i really can’t do anything with them, and on me they’re really tacky. -s

43 • rant about what’s eating you up. 

i’d really rather skip this one if anyone doesn’t mind, i’m sure i’d go on for a hundred paragraphs about my stressful life plus i’m sure it would annoy you. and my problems are the kind of personal ones i’m not comfortable putting out in public yet. -v

i really agree with vic here, i don’t want to be a huge bother to y’all and it’s really a touchy and personal subject here. -s

44 • if you could make a phone call to anyone right now, who would it be and what would you say? 

i’d call ben platt, tell him how much i love him and how much i love the show and whole cast, all while screaming and shaking. -v

i was going to freaking say ben platt too, seriously. i wish i could thank him for how much his representation of evan and the build up of his character has made me find something to relate to and learn to appreciate myself more, even in the slightest. i’d also love to tell him that he shouldn’t have to feel apologetic for doing the things he does to take care of himself physically and mentally, and his fans should be more than supportive of him taking care of his well-being. i’d also ask him to tell the rest of the cast, creative, and standbys how much i seriously appreciate them, but honestly i’d be speechless if i knew he was on the other end of the line. -s

45 • are you easy to love? 

aw yes. people say i’m lovable. i’m been compared to a teddy bear before. it’s happened, trust me. -v

i should hope so, but not very many people like to stick around me. i mean, i try to be someone worth loving and i’m more than happy to spill out all of my love to anyone who just asks politely <3. -s

[bonerhitler]

Dark Souls 3 is an okay game.

So, despite my constant and no doubt irritating fellating of Dark Souls' narrative style my favorite game in the series is Dark Souls 2. I love the gameplay of two way more than any other game in the series, including Bloodborne and Demons Souls. So that's where I'm at on that one. So, what does that have to do with Dark Souls 3? Nothing, I just really wanted to inject some positivity into what I'm worried will turn out to be a mostly negative word pile here. It was really fun and aside from Soul Memory a lot of the changes 2 introduced to the series were for the better I think, especially Power Stancing. Power Stancing let you not only dual wield two different weapons within the same class, but it gave you a third moveset to bust out for sheer variation.

Lets just hop right into it then. What do I think about Dark Souls 3? Well I think it's unfinished, uninspired and uninteresting. Okay that's a bit unfair I just wanted to use triple U words there. It's not uninteresting, it's just the least interesting game when compared to any of the four that came before it. I feel like I need to enforce the fact that I don't think it's a bad game. It just falls flat on many levels.

Tackling these thoughts one at a time; I'll hit the unfinished angle first. Dark Souls 3 is full of dropped plot lines, multiple systems and stats that just don't function and NPC quest lines that just kind of vaguely end despite there being in-game audio files that contradict where the game stops the gameplay. Poise is perhaps the most infamous one of these. In Dark Souls and Dark Souls 2 your Poise was determined by the armor you wore and what it did was prevented you from being stunned by attacks or knocked down by really strong enemies. Someone in a full suit of the heaviest, sturdiest armor would be able to face-tank a dozen blows without batting an eye while someone in light leather armor would be rebuffed at every shot.

In 3, however, poise just isn't. You have a poise stat. It goes up. But it isn't active. There are third-party cheat engine tables and other shady tools you can use to activate it and make it work like it did in the previous two games, but otherwise it doesn't. The only time poise has any effect in Dark Souls 3 is when you use one of a very select handful of weapons, or if you cast a few select spells on yourself. As a result there's just straight up no functional reason to wear heavier armor in Dark Souls 3. It makes you slower, the defense increase is negligible and you still get knocked around as easily as someone wearing no armor. Even if this is a deliberate choice, it feels like they just forgot to turn on a major part of the game after playtesting and doubled down on arguing that it's working as intended once the game launched like this.

Poise isn't even the only thing! In the previous two games your armor and weapons had durability. Some enemies attacked exclusively with durability reducing attacks, there were entire spells based solely around reducing your PVP enemies durability so you could break their armor and weapons. Without armor and weapons your opponent would be defenseless. In 3 you still have durability but it takes literal hours to make any kind of notable dent in your durability and bonfires are so frequent that it's virtually impossible to take more damage to your equipment than your health. Durability reducing spells still exist, but likewise they do so little durability damage that you can waste hours, and I emphasize actual hours as it's been tested, doing nothing but hitting another player with them and not even break the weakest armor in the game. What makes this even stranger is that they still modeled individual broken and repaired states for each armor set and weapon in the game, textured them differently and everything! But it's nearly impossible to ever find that out through gameplay because you have to intentionally try to break your equipment in three durability is such an obtuse non-issue.

Similar to the durability issue, NPCs in three seemed to have been a bit of a side thought. Despite the game being presented in a way where you frequently are given branching paths, the NPCs questlines are structured so rigidly that it's incredibly easy to just not notice a flag trigger and have a character just vanish from your world forever. This includes multiple vendors, at least one of which will leave and take most of the spells in the game with him if you don't find him a specific item in the poison swamp next to him before beating the next boss. Not only are the questlines themselves just awkwardly structured and triggered, but they have an unfortunate tendency to just terminate in ways that leave you wondering if you finished it or not. Characters will turn hostile and you can never be sure if you messed up or if this is supposed to happen. You can even be locked out of entire covenants because you didn't notice that one enemy wasn't hostile or you fought a boss too early. It feels very disjointed and poorly thought out, even considering how vague NPC quest lines tend to be in this series tend to be to begin with.

That's just on the mechanics side of things too! That's not even getting into the wide variety of armor sets and weapons that are just sitting in the data files fully usable but not implemented, more than in any previous souls game to date, or the hilariously common occurrences of rocks and other objects with no textures just sitting in plain view. Even the stages themselves tend to feel kind of rushed and unfinished. The first half of the game we get big, fully developed zones from hollowed out villages and poisonous swamps to a gigantic cathedral filled with corrupted clergymen. The latter half of the game? We get zones that are very short and can be completely cleaned out in less than an hour Anor Londo even makes a return, except it's just one room and half a courtyard now. It's frustrating when genuinely cool areas like the Profaned Capital are effectively reduced to two chambers filled with re-used enemies.

Speaking of the Profaned Capital though, the game is just filled with dropped plots and nowhere is this more annoying than in the Profaned Capital. We're treated to a place detailing how this evil out of control flame just burned everyone to death and transformed the women who summoned it into horrifying hand-hippo hybrid monsters. We learn that the people who lived there were horrible, that the lord who sacrificed his life to link the flame was treated like garbage and was willing to give his people, and his friend, a sword specifically meant to kill him in case he failed in his duty. And finally we learn that this shifty self-appointed pope from another land found this corrupting flame and thought it was really cool and wanted to use it for...reasons?

Then that just kind of stops there. The Pontiff gets some more development, but at no point do we ever actually get any insight in to what he wanted to do, or why he wanted the profaned flame to do it. We're told he wants Aldrich to eat gods, but that just kind of fizzles out. “Oh, hey. Here's this guy who eats gods.” There's some weird subtext about angels, guess what never really gets resolved? If you were about to say “anything regarding the abyss” you're right! The abyss gets mentioned a lot in Dark Souls 3 but we don't really hit any story beats with it. Here's an NPC who might be another manus fragment? Hey, what about that big cool skeleton guy who's being hunted by the abyss? Maybe we should have some more abyss related stuff in that area? No? Why not just introduce an entirely new abyss-like malevolent force while we're at it and tease all sorts of stuff about that but never, ever resolve that in any way! Dark Souls 3's narrative is like a rubber band ball built around a single core of “Go kill these dues because I say so.” Everything just seems to be separate from one another, you're never really going to see the conclusion to any of it and it all just sits atop your general “go kill a dude” quest.

Man, it really bums me out talking about how Dark Souls 3 just kind of, feels like people stopped working on bits. So lets talk about why I find it so hard to actually engage with the parts of it that aren't straight up not functional instead! Because that's a huge problem. Fortunately, I can summarize most of this issue with one sentence. “Hey, remember this from Dark Souls?” Because that's what Dark Souls 3 does non-stop.

Alright I'll expand on that a bit. The first major location you reach is Firelink Shrine, inside is Andre the exact same blacksmith from the first game and you can travel via weird white imp demon like you did from Sens Fortress. The like fourth area of the game is literally the dark moon forest and you can even see the corpses of the mushrooms as well as get Dusk's armor set. But that's not all! Izalith is back along with a few landmarks from that, you can see the corpse of the spider lady from the first game, and Anor Londo just straight up returns albeit in a slightly reduced capacity. They even brought the silver knight archer run back! You can even fight a bunch of Dark Souls styled giants like the ones from Sens Fortress, and there's a boss who has an electric spear who fights very similarly to Ornstein and even absorbs his partner's soul when they fall in battle. You get Ornstein's armor afterwards. The first DLC is a bigger version of the painted world and you revisit a few of its landmarks. That's not even a comprehensive list, this is just off the top of my head. Like, I guess what I'm trying to say is that Dark Souls 3 doesn't try to be its own game? Despite taking place in another land we just revisit large portions of Lordran because. We conveniently run into familiar characters, NPCs, invaders and enemies for no particular reason. It feels phoned in and as lame as some of the stuff in 2 could be, like the inexplicable dark-themed Ornstein boss fight was, it still introduced us to a world where the darkness had taken human form and was actively trying to rule, a mad scientist was artificially making dragons and the undead were culled for sport by a crazed ruler who built a castle over an active volcano. The sheer volume of samey “just like in the first game!” routine stuff in 3 is really off putting. You just play as a dude who has to link the flame because that's what you do. Half the locations are just the same places as in the first game, and the other half are very similar in design to places from the first game with one exception.

But that's just level design and narration. Even the gameplay feels lackluster than in 2. In 2 you could just do anything. The world was your oyster and if you wanted to dual wield the biggest sticks in the game and run around with no health, more power to you if you could actually pull that off. Even being a caster in 2 was awesome because there were four magic schools and you could mix damage types and you did enough damage to compete with melee characters. In 3, well the devs didn't seem able to decide if they wanted to be Dark Souls or Bloodborne. So all the enemies are very aggressive, very fast and never really tire out. They just attack non-stop. But you're still just kind of a clunky Dark Souls armor man so it just feels kind of like you're in the wrong game, constantly.

Not that there's a whole lot of tension anymore because your character's healing animations are so fast now that you can just heal in the middle of an enemy attack, recover your health and eat the oncoming attack and just heal again. The stakes aren't really there when you can just heal through everything without having to worry about whether or not you'll be able to get the heal off. Combined with the game's love of enemies that just kind of fart damaging clouds and record number of status effect inducing enemies it's almost like every level is starting to become Blight Town again. Dual wielding is gone as well, your left hand is once more relegated to being nothing but a shield/caster tool slot, and enemy resistances are screwy so being a mage type character is awful. In fact, casters in 3 got the shaft big time.

You see, they did away with hexes for a start. Now they're just some nebulous “Dark Magic” and some are sorceries, some are miracles and some are pyromancies! Except they all scale different and weird which makes them almost worthless to use because there's almost zero support for using them. Damage types are all over the place too with miracles having every major damage type in the game under their umbrella as well as four different buff spells but sorceries being limited to dark and magic with three buffs that all do the same thing with bigger numbers. But you'll almost never want to use sorceries anyway because the number of enemies vulnerable to magic is pitiful. Pyromancy is good as always, but at that point you're just investing more stats for less damage and reducing your total number of estus healing. You might as well just go melee because magic sucks in Dark Souls 3.

I mean, I say all this but I'm still playing it for the like fifth time through. So I repeat; it's not a bad game. It's just flat and kind of soulless? It kind of feels like a mass produced Dark Souls game really. The Zaku of Dark Souls. It looks rad, it's got style. But it's not great.