#listen. we used to have glass paraphernalia. but over time literally all of it broke.

[giantkillerjack]

My weed tolerance is so high that my one-hitter barely does anything for me anymore, but our tiny ugly unbreakable silicone bong fills me with unbridled love for the power of friendship in about 5 minutes. Maybe I should invest in one of them big fuck-off bongs. I just want to use this flower efficiently! Medicating chronic pain isn't cheap! - I wonder if they make really big silicone bongs. It's okay if they're not the prettiest. No one in this house should be trusted with glassware, myself least of all!*

*okay maybe the pitbull least of all but still

[not-close-to-straight]

Sugar, Sugar (Chapter Six)

In which Tony sings an inappropriate song, the boys invite Tony for a sleepover, and then Stucky meets Rhodey in what’s probably the worst conversation in the world. Just shenanigans guys, I still have barely managed a plot for this thing. It’s just baking themed bullshit. 

MASTERLIST HERE

**************

“I’ll take you to the candy shop.” The music was low and thumping in Sweet Peach Bakery, something grinding and maybe even a little filthy, and Bucky walked right into the glass door when he caught sight of Tony shaking that ridiculous booty right along to the beat. “Let you lick the lollipop.” 

“OW! Damn it!” Bucky grabbed at his nose and wrenched the door back opening, socking Steve right in the shoulder. “You couldn’a held the door open for me? Damn it!” 

“Uh, yep.” Steve wasn’t listening in the slightest, but Bucky didn’t really blame him. Tony was be-bopping along to the sort of shockingly inappropriate lyrics, wriggling his butt and decorating cupcakes as he mouthed the words, glitter on his lips and some on the tip of his nose and the ever present powdered sugar dusting at his curls and nope Bucky didn’t blame Steve for not listening. 

The devious little baker looked up and sent them a wink and sang, “Go ‘head boy don’t you stop. Keep going till you hit the spot, whoa.” 

“I dunno what the hell this music is, but I approve of what Tony’s doin’ with that peach of his.” Bucky decided. “Move Stevie, lemme get at that. C’mere Tony, gonna kiss that glitter right off your mouth.” 

“Oooh yay.” Tony puckered up immediately, far too adorable for the noise he made when their mouths met. “Isn’t the glitter fun? It’s edible. I poured at least a pound of it into this strawberry frosting, it’s for a five year olds birthday party and--” 

“How are you still talking when I’ve got my tongue in your mouth?” Bucky complained and Tony giggled himself half to death before finally shutting up and letting the big brunette kiss him proper. 

“Yeah that’s better.” Bucky bumped their noses gently. “How are ya, sweet thing?” 

“And also, what the hell are you singing?” Steve cut in, budging close for his own kiss. “This feels like a reach from your usual music choices.” 

“What, you boys never dry humped someone on the dance floor to Candy Shop by 50 cent?” Tony waggled his eyebrows. “What were you even doing in the early 2000s? This song is incredible.” 

“It’s literally terrible.” Bucky said flatly and Steve echoed, “Seriously terrible. Change it immediately.” 

“If you two weren’t so hot I’d kick you out for being no fun.” Tony grumbled, but the music changed to something less dry humping and more classic rock. “Better?” 

“C’mere again.” Steve came back for another kiss, pushing the cake stand out o the way and winding his fingers into Tony’s hair to draw him in close. “You taste real good with glitter on, baby. This is all edible, huh?” 

“Sure is.” Tony couldn’t hold on to Steve without smearing cake paraphernalia all over the button up shirt, so he settled for bracing himself on the counter and leaning in to turn the moment long. “Why? Does that give you ideas? Wanna lick it off me?” 

“Wanna lick it off you somewhere.” the blond agreed and Tony laughed softly. “How much more work do you have tonight? Can we help clean up?” 

“I’m never gonna say no to hot men wielding mops.” Tony decided and in the background, Bucky snorted in agreement. “But first come here and taste this frosting. Open up and say ahhhhh.” 

“Another line from one of your sketchy songs?” Steve asked suspiciously and Bucky jabbed him in the side and ordered, “Open up and say ahhh Stevie, you know damn well you can do that real good. Go on.” 

“You’re so romantic.” Steve said dryly, but he still opened wide and let Tony squeeze a whole glob of strawberry glittered frosting onto his tongue. “Oh this is--mmph!” 

He startled when Tony tossed the frosting bag away and crushed their mouths back together, shoving his tongue past Steve’s parted lips to taste the sweetness. 

“Mmm, come here.” It probably wasn’t super sexy to talk around a full mouth of glitter but that didn’t stop Steve from moaning out loud and swapping frosting filled kisses with their favorite baker, smearing it over their lips and licking it off the corner of Tony’s mouth, nipping at each other’s tongue and laughing quietly. 

It probably wasn’t super sexy and good Lord was it messy, but Bucky watched it all with a grin anyway, his pants uncomfortably tight when Tony broke away only long enough to add more frosting and Steve stood there and sucked slow and wet at Tony’s tongue to get every single bit of sugar.

“Fuckin’ hell you two are sexy with glitter all over you like that.” he swore, and while Tony blushed soft sweet pink, Steve only glanced up with blue eyes sharp and knowing and heated. “Wanna get you guys home and watch you together. What d’ya think about that?” 

“You want to watch us?” Tony made a hilariously wounded sort of noise when they parted even though he was the one who leaned away to talk. “That’s a little-- I mean-- why?” 

“Cos you’re both gorgeous.” Bucky said bluntly. “Not anythin’ weird about it, just wanna watch the two prettiest guys in the fuckin’ world get nekkid together. That alright?” 

“Just seems like if I’m hooking up with both of you, I ought to be hooking up with both of you.” Tony said slowly, hesitantly. “Leaving one of you out is--” 

“Trust me, Bucky won’t be left out of anything.” Steve stole one more kiss. “There’s plenty of stuff the three of us can do together, yeah. But if you think it won’t be hot as hell to watch Bucky get off to watching us get off?” Tony blushed again and Steve grinned, “You’ll see sweetheart. It’ll be fine. I’m gonna go wash my hands and then I’ll be back, alright?” 

Never one to miss a chance to ogle a behind, Bucky kept his eyes trained on Steve’s apple until he disappeared into the back, then turned to Tony and crooked his fingers, opened his mouth obediently and asked, “Maybe something without all the glitter, huh sugar?” 

“Try this one. Coconut.” 

Their kiss was less messy than the one Steve and Tony had shared, but Bucky was breathing hard by the end anyway, and Tony was biting at his lip and squirming a little, running his hand down the front of yet another ridiculously printed apron and squeezing at himself. “Good Christ Bucky. How the hell do you kiss like that?” 

“Lots of practice. So you gonna come over tonight, or what?” Bucky eased away from Tony’s mouth, licking his own lips to chase the last bit of the sugar sweet frosting they’d shared. “We’ll make ya dinner and you can bring some’a this coconutty stuff and we’ll just eat it off each other.”

“Ooooh.” Tony wiped the last bit of chocolate from the corner of Bucky’s mouth. “Eating things off you and Steve sounds delicious, but we could do that here, no reason to thoroughly ruin your carpet by getting sloppy and experimental with a ganache blowjob.”

Steve reappeared from the back and made an interested noise, followed quickly with a, “I dunno what ganache is, but it seems like something that should happen soon.”

“Ganache is chocolate.” Tony laughed at the blonds excited expression and leaned in to kiss him one more time. “And it’s best played with over easy to clean floors. Let’s just order pizza and stay here.”

“Ain’t gonna fuck ya outside a proper bed, sweet thing.” Bucky said bluntly and Tony’s dark eyes flew open wide. “And I know you wanna take me for a ride, so quit stallin’ and let’s make it a date. Our house. Later tonight. What d’ya say?”

“…. I do want to take you for a ride.” the little baker said slowly. “But you know how I feel about dating a couple.”

“One date isn’t dating.” Steve argued, much more tactful than Bucky had been. “One date is like…hooking up. That’s it.”

“Then what’s the point of calling it a date?”

“Fine.” Bucky lifted his chin in a clear challenge. “You come over for a hook up then. No dinner, just drinks, the three of us will try and break th’bed and we’ll save me watching for another time. Not a date, just sex.” 

“I feel like I’m missing why its such a big deal to have proper sex in a proper bed.” Tony was stalling and not bothering to hide it. “Steve did me so dirty the other night my couch is still blushing. What’s with you and needing a bed?” 

“Okay first of all, Steve is a ho who once tried to get me naked in an alley because he had too many cosmopolitans and turned into two hundred and forty pounds of horny at like, three in the afternoon.” Bucky scoffed and Steve’s eyes went wide and horrified while Tony tried and failed to quiet a hysterical snort of laughter. “Stevie would fuck ya anywhere at any time and not care a single shit who saw his lily white ass out there in public.” 

“OhmygodBuckychillthefuckout.” Steve mumbled and Tony did another one of those snort laughs. 

“We need a bed cos I only want you th’good sorta sore tomorrow.” the brunette pointed out. “Not sore cos we dented a counter or sore cos I backed ya into a wall. Good sorta sore only. Plus you can take a shower after and we can cook you food and just--” he spread his hands and shrugged. “--just take care of you. Sex. In a real bed. It’s important.” 

Tony shot Steve a look, and he explained, “Weirdly enough, Bucky gets real romantic and sort of old fashioned about this. The first time we slept together he got a hotel room because a regular bed wasn’t proper enough. King size bed, Tony. Curtains drawn so no one might see us, room service left outside the door so our privacy wasn’t ruined. It’s important to him.” 

“Okay but that was sex for a relationship.” Tony pointed out. “Not a hook up. Where it all happens in a hook up isn’t as important even though--” and this time his glance at Steve was insanely judgmental. “-- I’ve never gotten day wasted on cosmos and tried to get naked in an alley, either.” 

“You really gonna judge me for that?” Steve asked defensively and Bucky cut in, “Baby doll, the entire world judges you for that. Who gets day wasted on cosmos? You’re a literal giant, drink real alcohol.” 

And then back to Tony, “C’mon sugar. We’ll do this right the first time and then we can go back to whole heartedly ruining your couches and doing health code violation things against your counters and with various frosting... tips.” 

Tony hesitated, because it felt like this was still a date and it felt like maybe this was still becoming something like a relationship and it felt like he was still no where near ready for anything half that scary--

“We’ll pull a Cinderella and mess around until midnight, then put your peachy ass right into a cab and send you home.” Steve finally said, and Bucky sent him a quick, grateful smile. “How’s that?” 

Tony hesitated and hesitated and hesitated, but Bucky was hard to resist and Steve was blinking those big blue eyes at him—

—and against his better judgment, “Okay. Tonight.”

**************

**************

It took Tony until ten thirty that night to work up the courage to actually get in a cab and head over to Steve and Bucky’s, and it took another almost fifteen minutes standing outside the apartment building before he headed up in the elevator. 

He was nervous, sick to his stomach maybe and he cursed himself, the two people who shall not be named, the last several years of his life and Italy over and over because how the fuck had he gotten to the point of freaking out over a hook up just because the hook up was happening at someone’s house instead of somewhere semi public and most likely highly inappropriate. 

This was ridiculous and he was so tired of being scared all the time and by the time Tony knocked on Steve and Bucky’s door, his chin was up and eyes flashing in determination and damn it he would get through this night without being that one crazy person who can’t even do normal bedroom things without getting lost in his head. 

He could do this, it was just Steve and Bucky, they were wonderful and gorgeous and hilarious and pretty much perfect boyfriend material and--

---and oh oh oh shit there he went down that rabbit hole again and absolutely not, he would absolutely not--

“Tony!” The door swung open and Bucky was --gulp-- shirtless for some beautiful reason and everything stupid Tony had been thinking disappeared the second he was hauled up against absolutely ridiculous Bucky-tiddies and smothered in a kiss. 

“Tony!” Steve had to yell three different times from the kitchen because Bucky didn’t let Tony go until the little baker’s knees were quite literally giving out and Tony was clinging to Bucky’s shoulders for dear life while making a thoroughly embarrassing noise. “Bucky! Damn it, let Tony go so I can say hi too!” 

“The hell I will! Be a good housewife and make me some goddamn snacks.” Bucky yelled back and kicked the door shut before pulling Tony right back into another soul searing kiss. “M’real glad you’re here, baby doll. Was starting to worry you weren’t coming.”

“I’ll be real honest, if I would’a known your nipples would have been on full display I would have been here sooner.” Tony said decisively, and Bucky just laughed against his lips. “You taste good, what have you been eating?” 

“Whiskey.” Bucky grabbed at Tony’s hand and shoved it down to the waist of his sweats. “And Steve’s making homemade pretzels and beer cheese or something? I dunno but he’s real proud of it. You want a drink? Or-- or a pretzel?” 

“I’d like some of this.” Tony brushed his knuckles over the line of Bucky’s cock, smirking when he felt it already half hard and twitching beneath his fingers. “Where’s that bed?”

“STEVE!” Bucky started pulling Tony towards the bedroom. “M’gonna get my tongue real deep in this peach, you bring us snacks!” 

“WHAT!?” There was a clatter in the kitchen and Steve came sliding around the corner wearing only socks and a full body apron. “No no no, first we eat and then we peach and then we--” 

Tony burst out laughing and happily took a kiss from a thoroughly whiskey tasting blond. “Is this what we’re doing? Drinking and kissing and peaching?” 

“We will be doing the peaching, sweetheart.” Steve assured him. “You’re gonna drink and get giggly and maybe show us some of those awesome dance moves and then Bucky’s gonna rail you and if you kiss me real sweet, I’ll let you rail me and--” 

“Wait wait wait.” Tony held up his hands. “Steve-- you would bottom for me? Seriously?” 

“Why wouldn’t I?” Steve went back to stirring cheese sauce. “I bottom for Bucky.”

“Everybody bottoms for Bucky.” Bucky handed Tony a shot, then swiped his finger through the cheese and made an agreeable noise. “I think what Tony means is ‘why would beefcake bottom for babydoll’?”

“That’s exactly what I meant.”

“But c’mon Tony.” Bucky tugged Steve in for a slow, gorgeous kiss. “No one who gets on his knees as fast as Stevie does is a top.” 

“Okay that’s fair.” Tony reached in to taste the cheese too. “But for the record, no one who makes noises like I do is a top either sooooo....”

“Here.” Steve handed Tony a bottle of ibuprofen and another shot of whiskey. “Get loose and easy for us, babe. Gonna be a good night.” 

"Gonna be a good night.” Tony downed the shot and pretended he didn’t see the open affection in Bucky’s pale eyes or the way Steve’s smile softened at the edges as he came closer to hold Tony close. “Let’s get naked, boys.”

*****************

*****************

Bucky woke up first the next morning and promptly reached across the bed to kiss Tony and then Steve good morning, but Tony was gone and Steve blinked sleepy eyes open in confusion when Bucky groaned out loud. 

“Babe?” 

“Tony’s gone.” Bucky gestured around the room. “Dunno what time we fell asleep but he must’ve gone right after. I know we talked about Cinderella but I didn’t expect that peach to turn into a pumpkin at midnight for real.”

“Tell me about it.” Steve scrubbed at his face wearily, and asked, “So um, are you gonna say it or am I gonna say it?” 

“I’ll say it.” Bucky flopped back into the pillows and pulled Steve over into his arms, smooshing a kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead. “We. Are. Fucked.” 

“So fucked. Head over heels and just outright fucked.”

“We are fucked, Stevie. Last night was amazing and now I dunno what the hell to do.” 

“We invite Tony back for any reason possible.” Steve decided. “Move nights. Baking lessons. Literally anything that’s gonna get that sweet peach back through this door.” 

“You pretty much love him right?” 

“Bucky, the way he looked when he came last night--”

“Yep. We’re fucked.” Bucky felt around for his phone. “Gonna call the bakery and see if he’s in yet cos we gotta talk to him about all this not dating bullshit. This isn’t gonna-- oh ho holy shit, Tony put his number into my phone.” 

“What!” Steve jerked upright. “His actual number? He’s gonna let us talk to him?” 

“I’m calling him.” Bucky put the phone on speaker and kissed Steve real quick. “We’re gonna call him and tell him to get his ass back here so we can have a legit conversation and then I’m gonna tear that ass--”

“Hello?” 

“Hey babydoll!” Steve said loudly, and Bucky grinned, “Get back here and let us double team your peach pit again! You walking funny yet, cos you will be here pretty soon!” 

There was absolute silence on the other end of the phone, then the sound of a throat being cleared and the scariest voice either boys had ever heard--

“Son, this is Colonel James Rupert Rhodes of the United States Air Force, liason between the Department of Acquisitions and Stark Industries and Tony’s very best friend. Who. The Fuck. Is This.”

“Oh. Oh no.” 

“Oh my god.” 

“Sir we are so sorry--”

“We thought this was Tony’s number--”

“Oh my god, Colonel Rhodes I swear--”

“Seriously we never would have--”

“Boys, I in no way approve of you calling Tony and spouting this sort of filth.” If possible, the voice got deeper and scarier. “But I’ll let it go just this once because this is neither the first time Tony fake numbered some horny asshole and directed them to my phone, nor will it be the last time. Consider this your warning.”

“...uhhhhh yes sir?” 

“Also, the next time you see Tony he will be in the hospital because I’m going TO BEAT HIS ASS FOR PULLING THIS CRAP AGAIN--!”

“RHODEY!” In the background somewhere Tony shrieked with laughter. “NO NO NO THIS WAS A FUNNY ONE! RHODEY NO! NOT THE MAPLE SYRUP!”

“I’M GONNA SYRUP THE HELL OUTTA YOU AND BURY YOU IN THE WOODS YOU FAKE NUMBERING PIECE OF SHIT STOP GIVING OUT MY NUMBER TO YOUR BOOTY CALLS I SWEAR TO GOD--!” 

“Hello?” A new voice, cultured and smooth and sounding entirely exasperated. “Is this Bucky and Steve?” 

“...yes?” They shared confused looks. “Who’s this?” 

“This is Pepper Potts.” came the explanation. “Tony’s other best friend and Rhodey’s fiancee, we saw each other briefly across the room at the Sweet Peach happy hour. Now then, I’m sure you two shared a great night with Tony, he’s giggling and stupid and walking with a limp and that-- oh god, I hate that I know that means Tony had a great night. But don’t take any offense to the fake number, you just stumbled into an age old joke between my two favorite idiots. Would you like Tony’s real number?” 

“...yes?” 

“Alright then.” Pepper hesitated while there was a crash from somewhere behind her. “Welcome to the shenanigans, gentlemen. You’re in for a ride.” 

“That’s alright.” Bucky finally found his voice, and elbowed Steve playfully. “You wanna know why they call me the Bronco, Ms. Potts?” 

“Not even a little bit. I’ll text you Tony’s real number. Good bye.” 

The phone clicked off and Steve covered his mouth so he wouldn’t laugh at loud. “Holy shit, we are fucked aren’t we?” 

“I love him.” Bucky tossed his phone away and wrestled Steve back into the blankets. “We are fucked.” 

***************

SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THE CHAPTER!

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[lexihoops]

Relief.

That was the initial feeling I had when I got the text that you were dying. Then, shame for feeing that relief.

You beat the living hell out of my mother her entire childhood until she had to go live with your mom. You allowed her to be molested and beaten growing up. You verbally and emotionally abused and used her endlessly as an adult and broke her spirit.

You abused my uncle; beat him so badly as a baby that he needed a glass eye for the rest of his life. He beared the brunt of your physical abuse growing up, you also broke his arm. I have photos of him with black eyed as a kid too. You shot him, instead of my mom because you were angry she was leaving to go live with her husband. You would have shot her, had she not been holding baby me and Bill didn't step into the path as she left.

You burned your house down for insurance money and sat in our living room across the street watching it burn, trying to make us your accomplis'. Watching you get sentenced to prison for that was my first time seeing how toxic you truly were. You showed no remorse and tried to blame it all on your dead brother.

You beat my grandfather. You verbally, mentally and physically assulted him. Used him for every dime he had. And then left his funeral bill unpaid. There's a reason he wanted to be buried next to his first wife, and not you.

You taught me at 12 yrs old that I was fat. You fed me diet pills in secret and gave me an eating disorder and a distorted view of myself.

You attempted to turn me against my own mom several times. When I spent the night at your house as a kid..that was supposed to be my escape from the hell and abuse my mom was living through with my stepdad. Instead, you would make me listen to a police scanner as we went to bed "to see if there are any police or ambulance calls to your house".

Every gift or gesture came with a price. Or having it thrown in your face that help was given. I can't accept gifts or help from even my fiance without anxiety now. I even hate getting birthday gifts to this day, bc of this.

You called a military base my dad was stationed at and pretended to be a relative saying that you died...just to get my mom to fly home and see you even though she cut ties with you.

You left me a voicemail threatening me that you had a gun when my son was a baby bc I wouldn't give in to your drama and let you use me.

You threw yourself down the stairs and broke your arm, on purpose, in front of my kids, when my mom and stepdad had enough of you living off of them and treating them like shit in their own home. They moved from GA to OK to get away from you, and had been here a year before you realized they were even gone.

When you found out your granddaughter was gay, you called her a "dyke" behind her back. & Insulted her and her brother after their father (your son's) funeral.

You tried to turn my cousin against his own mother. This is why he hasn't spoken to you in 15+ years.

All 4 of your grandchildren want nothing to do with you, neither do your great grandchildren. Your daughter died and didn't want you to know or be invited to her funeral.

You "poor mouth" to anyone who will listen and hand you money. If they have none to give, you talk about them like they're dirt behind their back. If they give you money, it's spent on lotto scratchers and fast food.

This is just a handful of memories I have.

Your only living child just wants to tell hospice to let you die so it can all be over and we can all heal.

I celebrate your impending death, and welcome the healing it will bring the whole family.

You are racist. Homophobic. Anti-Semitic. You literally brag about our trashy family history with the kkk and had racist paraphernalia around the house. You used racist slurs constantly as we grew up. You call my Mexican cousin and their dad "spics" behind their backs to this day.

You are toxic. You are evil.

Generational Trauma ends with you.

Essie Whetstone, good riddance. I truly hope that if there is a hell, you burn in it.