#listen. the hole jokes are literally always funny

[floweroflaurelin]

Caught up on enough videos to understand what minecraft sos is all about 👍

[bwoobiez]

NSFW Alphabet w/ Sebby

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He’s very tender and romantic after sex. He’ll get you a cup of water or whatever beverage you’d like, wipe yourselves down, cuddle with his face nuzzled against you. He’s not super chatty during aftercare, and he doesn’t need to be - your bond is so strong it’s telepathic, so he just lets the physical intimacy and silence speak for him.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Your chest. He could lay on it, cum on it, suck on it, touch it. Listening to your heartbeat does something for him - you're a living being, you’re still here, you’re alive, and your heart pumps along with his during this time together.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He’s a huge cummer, like strings of cum just go pouring out of him. It shoots so high that if he’s sitting or laying down it’ll get all over his chest and almost up to his neck. He can cum straight across your back if you’re in doggystyle.

It’s not hard to make him finish. He can literally do it free handed and just by your words alone.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

…He gets off to the thought of you kicking him in the nuts. He’d never actually do it (well… never say never?), but since your job has you moving all the time you’re quite strong, so he fantasizes about you taking that strength out… on him… in that way… teehee.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Since you were his first time, he had no idea what he was doing. It was a cute little awkward thing between the two of you as you both learned each other's bodies.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Good ol’ missionary. He loves to make eye contact whilst you two join bodies. You could reach up to cup his face, pull his hair, choke him, and kiss him. He liked to watch you dominate him from the bottom with that smug, orgasmic look on your face as you degrade/praise him.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He’s not goofy during sex so if you pop a joke he may or may not laugh. He’s too in the moment to think about funny stuff.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He's usually pretty hairy and sometimes lets it grow long. He’ll trim it before it gets very crazy though.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

If you’re going slow and sensual he could be quite the romantic. He’ll shower you in kisses and compliments, saying “I love you” fairly often and especially when he’s about to cum. Sometimes he’ll cry from the intimacy.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Since he has you he doesn’t jerk off as much as he used to, but he still does it whenever he misses you. Sometimes just thrusting into the air and thinking about you is enough to get off.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Submission

He doesn’t mind dominating you every once in a while, but he does prefer you doing it. He’ll fuck your holes whilst following your every command - go slower, faster, pull out, etc.

Petplay

What started off as him just wearing a cat headband in the bedroom turned into him eating out of a custom-made food bowl with his name on it. He wears a collar (that looks like a regular choker to others) that he pretty much always wears whenever he leaves the house. His friends and family question it but of course he replies with it simply being his favorite choker.

You’d taunt him for being so needy for your body, for wanting to breed you, how he’s so pathetic for needing you to take care of his heat while he fucks you :(

You both shared the role of a pet, however. He didn’t mind leading you around on a leash ;)

Public play

Most of your public play sessions took place at the pub, and since he could cum free handed and just by your words alone, you didn't need to lay a finger on him. Your sweet talk would be hidden beneath the noise of the crowd yet still loud enough for him to hear, remaining cool while you watched him quietly whimper and squirm in his seat. His face would go absolutely red, and whenever he reached his climax he’d hide his face in his arms or nuzzle against your neck, where you could feel and hear pathetic panting against your ear.

Luckily, his pants would be too thick for the semen to show through, but if you were feeling extra mean you'd have him go the rest of the night with that mess in his draws. You’d  tease him afterwards about how gross it was of him to play pool with friends whilst having cream in his jeans. What a dirty, dirty man.

Other public sessions would consist of having sex by the lake near his parent’s house. One time, right beside the pub everyone was in… Sam caught him with your genitals in his mouth and it was never to be brought up.

Praise/body praise

Sebastian was a slut for your adoration and loved getting admired from head to toe. He fully trusted you with his body, allowing you to touch and praise him as you please. You took great care of this precious man…

Him laid across your lap while being spoken to in a soft tone, his cock and balls being gently massaged with one hand whilst the other played with his hair. He was just so damn cute with his arms resting on his stomach, eyes closed and brows raised. You let him know how proud you were of him and that he was adorable, and all he could do was shake his head in response as he was too busy moaning. If he were deep in kittyspace he’d be purring as well.

Light bondage

He's not into anything crazy, but he likes having his hands tied behind his back

(If you don't have a penis) Pegging Cigarette play :}

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bedroom and the mountain. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

It takes a bit to get him riled up, but luckily for you you know just how to push his buttons. Affection and praise really gets this touch-starved boy going, along with text messages detailing what you’ll do to him.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything to do with scat, piss, or spit.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He prefers receiving as you give the messiest top ever. He’s become skilled at giving you head, too, and will stroke himself as he does so.

It drives him crazy to hear and feel you mumble “good boy” against his balls, or to hear you go “mhhmmm!” - a hum of approval towards his whimpers and submission  - while you throat him.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

If you couldn’t tell, he definitely likes it rough, but some times call for a more gentle, passionate fuck. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He enjoys them and you both do it pretty often. If you think it counts, getting him off in public free-handed would be a quickie too.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He’s pretty open to new things as long as they don’t surpass his limits.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

At first, he could barely last an hour because of 1) smoking and 2) shitty dietary habits, which all led to low energy. But as time went on his stamina would increase due to reduction in smoking, having access to fresher food (you’d also remind him to eat - it was a habit of his to forget to do so), and he’s started working out a bit. Now he could go about 5 rounds cumming back-to back :)

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He owns a fleshlight but doesn’t use it often. You both own a vibrator which you use on him in the bedroom and in public, and rope. He’s not too crazy about toys.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He’s not really a huge tease, but when he does he’ll send you cheeky pictures of him in a suggestive position, scantily clad or nude, whenever you're away from home.

Honestly, it’s about how much you tease him. He’s just a poor lil guy at the hands of your torment :<

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s the most saddest, sopping wet boy ever. He whimpers, whines, and if he feels really good, he'll cry. He can range from soft to loud.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He’s pretty insecure about his body :(

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He’s a tiny bit on the underweight side and has a slutty little waist

His nipples are blush pink and sensitive

He has a happy trail leading down to his cock. The word you often use to describe it is “pretty” - it's about 3 inches when flaccid and 6 when erect, with a pink tip and slight curve to it. His balls have a full shape with a pinkish gradient

He has the cutest bubble butt

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Pretty fuckin high. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He’s quick to fall asleep. He needs his naps

[andreas-river]

Bullied!Reader gained the Courage to come to The 141 boys + König knowing they are all a scary bunch and of Commanding rank to hopefully stop the bullying they were experiencing for a bit. They feel guilty for being a Solider who couldn’t handle it by themselves, but they beg for their help despite it.

“ I didn’t want it to come to this…I swear…I just don’t know what else to do…”

TW: bullying, mention of misoginy, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, fem!reader.

A/N: hello Anon, thanks for your request, sorry it took so long. I decided to write it without separating the characters, I think it makes the idea better like this!

Disclaimer: Too many people are bullied, and sadly it happens too often, and I have fallen into this deep hole myself. It can be both physical and psychological, and it is an devius but unforgiving form of violence. I hope this can give comfort to those who need it: asking for help IS NOT a form of weakness, sometimes even talking about it with a trusted person can make a difference.

════════════════════════════

Asking for help is one of the hardest things in the world. Admitting that we cannot do it on our own with our own strength is like a display of vulnerability that not everyone allows themselves to do: there are to many sharks around, and they are all out for blood.

But every day it was getting harder and harder, and it was almost embarrassing knowing the context in which you had been living for many years. Numerous missions made you used to the horrors of a military life, and the sight of blood had not affected you for a long time. You don't remember exactly how or when it started, but the stares of the men around you became more and more insistent, not giving you any peace, voices murmuring in the hallways as you passed by when you might have just been on your way to the gym or Price's office to fill out the various papers and get them in order.

Fortunately, you shared the office with Soap and Ghost, and more recently, König, who had been temporarily reassigned to 1-4-1 for future missions. All three were certainly much better company than the other soldiers, between the various chats with Soap, Ghost's jokes – so awful they were actually funny – and König's charisma, it actually made the day better, at least for the hours spent at the desk.

The nightmare continued during the rest of the days, and with it grew the guilt within you: you never responded to all those comments that reached your ears – being a woman in the Task Force apparently was impossible, to the point of comments that made your skin crawl with disgust, nauseated at the very thought. You knew that you had worked hard to get where you were today, and that you had earned the rank of Sergeant on your own, with your own strength, always willing to give your all, even while doing chores around the base.

With a sigh, you had forced yourself to walk to your room, which was on the opposite side of the offices, knowing that you would pass anyone who would murmur about you, after all, it was just after dinner and the corridors were much more crowded than usual.

As expected, the stares didn't take long to arrive, and a few murmurs began to reach your ears. Quickening your pace, you found yourself panting in front of the door to your room – literally running away from all those people, feeling like you had no choice. The thought brought tears to your eyes, but you had no other choice.

-

Since you woke up, every movement around you put you on edge, the day started like any other, but the knowledge of admitting something like this made you nervous. You were sure they would understand, as they often asked if you were okay, checking up on you as a family. A strange one, but one of the best.

As you walked into your office like any other day, you found Ghost and Soap talking, both greeting you as you entered the room. You waited silently for them to finish their conversation, distractedly listening to the fact that they wanted to change some exercises about the training, sneaking closer to them, still wondering if it was the right choice – you were literally the same rank as Soap – and you handled worse situations better than this one, where your life or others were at stake.

You were so deep in your own thoughts that it took you some time to realize that both men were trying to get your attention, and you snapped back to reality when the door to the office burst open, revealing the tall and looming figure of König.

Soap placed a hand on your shoulder and squeezed gently with a warm smile on his face, "Hey – are you okay?"

You took a deep breath and felt König's presence at your side. You had a knot in your throat and you hoped not to stutter too much with your voice. "Yeah, I mean - kinda." The three men frowned, a bit confused by your behaviour in front of them. "I... don't know what else to do. I swear, I..."

The knot threatened to break at any moment, and you weren't so sure you wouldn't cry in front of your squadmates. "Every time I leave this office to just go somewhere, everyone starts talking–" you swallowed the luno in your throat again, feeling on the verge of tears. "They murmur about me, even disgusting things, and I know they aren't the truth, but now it happens every single day, every single moment I spend outside my room or this office–"

"Hey, hey, slow down..." Soap blocked you and made you sit down, Ghost still watching intently as König handed you a tissue, blinking and noticing that you were really crying. "Since when?"

Blowing your nose, you managed to mumble "a few weeks", letting the room fall silent after your words, except for your own stiffles, until Ghost resumed the conversation. "For today, you'll stay here and help Soap. König, you are with me today."

They all looked into each other's eyes in silent agreement, leaving you alone with the Scottish man. "They'll take care of everything, okay?" he hugged you gently, and you finally felt the weight off your shoulders, enough to allow you to breathe a little more.

-

Walking down the hall to breakfast felt strange, there was so much silence and fewer people, it felt so different when you spotted the others sitting at a table, you walked towards them with your coffee and found a place between Gaz and Ghost, with the others around.

"Sleep well?" Ghost murmured, leaning in your direction. For a moment you couldn't answer – there was so much silence that the atmosphere felt unreal. "Yeah, but... what happened?"

Price smiled as Ghost answered you. "There were... training changes."

You stared back at him, absorbing his words. You've never experienced anything like this in your life, and everyone helped you so quickly that you didn't even realize it was happening. You thanked him, a warm smile on your face as you came back to sip your coffee, finally relieved as you realized this was the best decision you could have made.

[suguru-getos]

I need Cyno on all levels. He is my husband and I love him and his jokes.

I literally have a self-insert oc because of him

My fictional crushes bring out my inner cringe but it's ok because love triumphs over all

Anyway, I want him to man handle me even though I'm like 5 inches taller than him. (I want him to take me over a ruin's altar because I'm filthy and I think it'd be 10x more funny in a world where the gods literally are just hanging out around the corner)

Oh I absolutely love Cyno and his character he’s just so good! How caring and kind & always loving towards the people he adores. <3 Walking green flag alert 😤 he deserves his cock sucked.

Warnings: Rough sex, Cyno’s intimidating here but only cause you asked him to

The desert air didn’t feel excruciating hot, it was because you had Cyno’s security & the leisure to traverse through it during the night. It was like your very own, customised date with your man which you wanted and ranted about, quite a bit.

“Please— I want to go to the ruins because- yeah!”

You pouted, while Cyno being the ever so patient man, continually listened to you with a hum. “Alright, if you really, really want to… I will think something about it.”

Here you had reached the ruin, it seemed typically safe. No monsters were lingering around & the serenity made sense. Of course, Cyno had researched about this. The moment you were inside the ruin, Cyno’s hands which were intertwining your fingers, wrapped around your neck and pinned you against the wall.

“Strip.” Cyno commanded, the authority & the lower octaved voice sending chills down your spine as you replied with a meek nod.

Stripping off your clothing, around the heavy sculptures made you somehow feel watched, making everything more and more exciting right at your pelvis.

“Kneel, and ask for me to fuck that needy hole.” Cyno was blunt, and his gaze showed no mercy at all.

You complied immediately, kneeling down & looking up at him doe eyed. “Please, Cy- General Mahamatra, please— fuck me.” The moment his official title rolled out your lips, Cyno audible groaned. You were playing your part so wonderfully.

Not a moment was spared, Cyno was quick to help you up, leaning you against one of the platforms on your back and thrusting against your sloppy pussy without prepping you, stretching you out with a groan that coincided with your scream. Waiting for your signal… waiting for you to adjust to him.

“Mo-move—” you whimpered, and Cyno’s hand landed onto the back of your throat, hips rutting against your needy hole which clenched around his shaft. The whole area echoed with your moaning and his rabid panting & groans.

Cyno changed positions after positions, pining you against the wall, ordering you to be on all fours, letting you stand up and feel him ravage you. It wasn’t until you were rendered unable to walk, that the fiasco stopped.

Cyno had no problem carrying you princess-style outside the ruin. Rumbling praises from the depths of his throat and telling you how amazing you did for him. <3

[artist-issues]

Day Six

Happy Sunday! (if you live where I do lol) thanks to all 22 of you are hanging out with me and doing these! they're a lot of fun to think of and I'm glad you're all having a good time answering them!

~soft edition~

whats your go-to comfort movie?

what's your favorite comfort food?

what do you like to do to cheer yourself up?

say three nice things about your appearance

say three nice things about your personality

say three nice things about your intelligence

what brings you peace?

what is a great personal, handmade gift that someone could make you?

what reminds you of home? (it could be your physcial house, but it could also be the feeling of home)

tag someone who makes you smile :)

My go-to comfort movie is Cinderella 2015.

My favorite comfort food is pasta, I don’t care what kind, pick it, I’ll eat it.

To cheer myself up I talk to my twin sister, or I go for a run, or I listen to Radiant Reason by Kings Kaleidoscope.

My nose makes a small shelf for the sun to sit upon.

One nice thing about my personality is that I don’t find people falling down or getting hurt funny. I’m also a pity-laugher, so if you make a joke that’s not funny I still laugh. And I like it when people’s accessories match some color on their outfit so much that I say so out loud every time I notice it.

One nice thing about my intelligence is that reading came naturally to me. And I suck at math but I can communicate where I don’t understand a math problem pretty clearly. …I don’t like these “say nice things about yourself” questions 🙃

The literal Bible is the only thing that brings me actual peace. Sometimes worship songs (songs that are about who Jesus is.) I can “distract” myself with anything, but that’s not peace, because I can only do that for so long. I know it’s a Christianese sounding answer but I’m so prideful that I can find reasons to nitpick and poke holes in any safety nets or comforting platitudes—but by the grace of God, even at my most delusionally anxious, I can’t poke holes in or find anything shaky in the Bible. In my darkest hours, when the most solid and foundational people in my life were white noise and couldn’t yank me out of the whirlpool of my dark thoughts, and there was no lifeline that I even wanted to reach for, reading the Bible truthfully, literally, snapped me out of it.

I wish people would knit me some socks. My feet are always cold and I am always losing them, I never have enough socks.

[crabonfire]

I’m usually on the tf2 spectrum of things… BUT HOLY SHIT MAN ITS THE SPECTACULAR SPODERMAN OH MY GAWD-

ehm. So i would like to request something! How about some Flash Thompson x shy around a lot of people reader? But reader is more happy/expressive with less people around??? and then they slowly realizing they are both falling in love hc’s? I’m sorry cuz like, Flash is so 💗💗💗

Tssm! Flash and a shy reader!

dawg I fucking love flash sm 😭 I love dumb jocks with big hearts (he's a little bit of a bitch but he's not thay bad guys)

character: Tssm Flash Thompson

note: ALSO I'm not a shy person myself??? I'm far from it actually lmfao but I'll try my best to write it

warnings: none :)!

♡Flash Thompson♡

• So he never noticed you, even after all your years of being in the same class with him but you never really stuck out. It wasn't until Hobie Brown introduced you to him, and he kind of found you cute.

But unfortunately at first he found you a bit boring. You didn't talk much, what was there to you anyway?

During social conversations in the group, you'd always just laugh or nod along, anytime you reply it'd be short or subtle. It wasn't until the both of you went home late after school that he decided to talk to you, walk with you home since you both lived on the same block.

• "Hey, uh, what's your name again?"

"Oh uh...Y/N."

"Right. Don't blame me for not remembering. you're like a wall when it comes to conversation."

He chuckled, then quieted down when he saw you didn't laugh along.

"Since I'm so nice, I'll walk you home. Your down this block too right?"

"Yeah."

"Knew it, I see you here a lot you know. Whyd you never talk to me?"

"...Well, uh..."

There's an awkward pause.

"...I don't know actually. Its hard to explain."

"Oh. Well, okay weirdo."

You turn to him again as you walk, with furrowed eyebrows, a little offended.

"What? I don't mean it in a bad way."

"Really? How is weirdo not a bad thing."

"Geez I don't know," He laughs, "I expected you to have some long answer, you paused for a long time I thought it was some deep geek stuff or something."

You smiled at that, finally a smile.

"...Your fault for assuming."

• The rest of the walk was surprisingly really nice, he spoke to you more over...Well, anything really! It was fun to talk to you, to his surprise. You had so much to say, it was such a different experience from when you'd just nod along to what the group said.

• "No way." Flash said, an amused grin on his face as you told him a story in such a dramatic way. Hands being used to convey more emphasis, making the mood feel like you guys have been friends forever.

You continued with a laugh, "Yeah! It was so funny, he literally walked around with a huge hole in his pants and the most serious expression on his face- like this!" You shifted your expression to something so incredibly stupid. He burst into laughter, echoing through the neighbourhood.

• From then you two really hit it off. Walking home alone became a regular thing, and he'd even ask you to more personal group things, something the others in the group would've never expected from an asshole like Flash.

• It wasn't until he became more touchy with you, having an arm wrapped around your shoulder to be more protective or looking at you and listening to intensely, is when they all realized he had the fattest crush on you.

And, they could also tell you felt the same way.

Because whenever you two were together, they'd see the way you'd laugh so loudly, grinning with the sweetest and most excited smile. Oh boy, you two were head over heels for each other.

"I guess you could say that was...un-EGGspected."

Flash snorted, shaking his head with a small smile. "That might be your worst joke yet, Y/N."

• When Sally saw that conversation she KNEW yall liked each other like it was so obvious Flash usually replies to bad jokes with Sarcastic remarks but he actually SNORTED at that.

• Randy approached him one day,

"So, when are you gonna ask them out?"

He grinned in confusion, "What? Them who?"

Randy smiled, "Y/N. You've hung around them a lot."

His cheeks went a little red, raising his shoulders defensively and laughing nervously.

"What? No way-I don't like them like that. They're a geek! I pity them."

Randy gave him a look, crossing his arms. It was quiet, Flash was putting the pieces together in his head. He can admit, you two have been spending a lot of time together, and yeah, he does love it whenever you laugh or smile at him with that cute grin, maybe he likes the way he can make you blush so easily when you guys are in big groups, and yeah maybe, he wants to kiss you.

Oh.

OH!

His eyes widened in realisation, making Randy crack a smile. He simply pat him on the shoulder, "Goodluck man. Hope they say yes." Then he walks away, leaving him standing there stiffly and unresponsive.

• I think you realized you liked him back when he would actually listen to you, and when he would tell you such sweet things without even realizing it. There would be moments where his voice was softer somehow, quieter, and he was so serious in these moments.

When you were upset over something he'd listen, a hand rubbing your back as you'd cry. He never knew how to deal with people that cried, so it always started out so awkward with him. But he'd listen, give you a hug, and actually help.

That's something he usually never did. Listen. He never listened to people, but it was you. Of course he'd listen.

• The fact he was an ass to most but really cared about you I guess...that's one of the things that made you fall for him.

But do you have enough confidence to tell him? And does he know you like him back?

♡♡♡

haha cliff hanger 🤣🤣🤣🤣‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️💯💯💯

if you wanna see the confession scene yall have to wait I got like 7 requests to get through 💀

[nochi-quinn]

candela obscura chapter 3 episode 1: oh god everybody's fucked up

I'm here, I fell asleep and missed the start but I'm here

lmao the immediate note-taking

ur really committing to that voice huh liam

marisha made an older character and liam said hold my dentures

STEAMPUNK JAZZY

heyyyy someone else makes the joke I picked up from a stargate episode 20 years ago

liam what was that look

absolutely love ashly's wig

sam looking like he got hit with a cattle prod

what's a sam reigel

why are we getting oscar's CV

"are they hot"

listen I saw the trailer he 100% uses that chain to beat people with

"no one calls you carey, oscar"

oh no he's hot

oh he's kotallo, that's why

the flat cap does look good on sam, I can't lie

y'all that's gay

I like cordelia's little halo

eloise best character

(maybe that's the look liam was giving ashly, eloise vs elsie)

elsie's a werewolf calling it

yesss the old people guilt trip

liam

oscar: I'm gonna punch a ghost

"you're wearing a ball gown. it's the morning."

the maw??

haha it took me until literally this moment to remember ashly is aloy, my ship is reunited

"I'm using my bullshit detector" did you get that cleared with the gm

I like the term "blood and guts doctor"

I've been watching S1G play Slay the Princess and the more they describe her the more she sounds like a Princess variant

oh no lights

liam you did that on purpose

oh Aadtika (?) is a very pretty name

"lung, heart" liver, nerves

"you have an extra house?" "you don't?"

rajan

"you slick son of a bitch"

he IS a slick son of a bitch

oh sam's being THAT character

prepared to spend three episodes threatening to punch oscar in the head and throw him in the pool

("nochi nobody read your free! livetweets" well maybe they should have)

sam doesn't watch the product

liam always wants to roleplay fish and chips

[picks elsie and raj up and shakes them until backstory falls out]

"I'll be as subtle as I can be" smash cut to him beating someone to death with a chain

the docks seems like a terrible place to play baseball

sam

did they do a dndbeyond for candela?

they did!

sam forgot he was short

"high stakes not for harm" but bc it's funny

rajan: oh I am NOT involved, you made that VERY clear

"don't waste that on me" "I agree"

I'm being gaslit bc I've always pronounced "copse" like "cope" with an "s" in it

shades of the old man at my previous psych office yelling about obama's secret weather machine

"I help by SCREAMING"

grandpa's making a wheel for it

[mabel pines voice] grappling hook!

the way sam rolls dice STILL kills me

oh good, everyone else also thinks they should fuck

"why can't we just be friends? oh right, because I don't like you."

what the fuck's a flashlight

"yeah! temperature play! :D" aabria

"do you go down my little hole" "of course!" aren't y'all divorced

oh no an ot3

don't say degloved that means something else

oh I dig that

werewolf!

lights!

were….thing!

oh no aabria's doing the voice

everything goes black, and you die

l…lights?

breathing?

how could crcw not have prepared me for this

immortal asshole oscar grimm

EXCUSE

oh he's an asshole because he gave up the non-asshole bits to bargain with death

hey sam what the fuck

oh hey ashly. ow.

thump thumps? why?

loud??

imagine if oscar coming back just freaked elsie right back into beast mode

there's another hour left of this wtf happens

yessssss "I'd take a bullet for him but I wouldn't go drinking with him" my beloved

local woman realizing that everyone around her is an absolute freak

liam's startled old man noise

"ohhh I'm not good at that"

ACTION GLASSES

wait I don't understand what he just did

oh he did a drug

little bird ;-;

his WHAT

chairsword!

it glows blue when there are nuns nearby

where's that one digital devil saga monster

I desperately need an artist's rendition of this orca-mantis-thing

excuse me

I keep missing the spelling of his sister's name

"oh god everybody's fucked up"

A WHAT built in his WHAT

augh eye stuff no quiero

is noshir lefthanded?

I kind of half-called that

"that felt like twenty. that was a season."

BEEKEEPER

"do you know you're covered in bees?"

I like my women like I like my coffee

"because yours is super chill"

liam you can uncommit to the voice

(he will not)

"drop the skincare routine"

[thievesandtraitors]

This is going to be a long post, but it's just me explaining a funny thing that happened to me which then turned into an interesting conversation with my best friend.

To preface this--no one was offended, not me, not my boss, not my friend, no one. It was actually a funny interaction that happened, but I wouldn't have fully seen it in this particular way I'm going to describe, had it not been for my friend. Again, my boss is a very cool, kind, funny, personable man. But, he also is still...a man. So, onto the story.

My job is in the kind of industry where, much to my dismay, a lot of business happens on golf courses. We're constantly in tournaments, our partners want to discuss projects, work, potential opportunities, etc etc while playing a round of golf. And I, unfortunately, know how to play golf. I've done it since I was a kid, competed in high school (wasn't the best, but wasn't the worst), I just hate the sport. I hate everything about it. And I told my boss when he asked, "yes, I know how to play, but I really, really don't like it." Now, am I going to have to play? Yes. But generally how these tournaments work it's much easier and much more fun than competitive golfing. But, I digress.

So it's one evening and my boss invites me to go hit some golf balls at the range. I say yes because it meant I didn't have to go to the gym, and it was a gorgeous day outside. So we show up and we start at the chipping area. (For those who don't know golf, chipping is referring to the area just outside of the green. It's a very, very short distance and its just practicing short hits up onto where the flag/hole is. So, not hard). But he's giving me some pointers about where to place the ball in my stance, relative to the slope of the ground, yada yada. And I grew up an athlete; I'm coachable, I listen whenever someone is giving me direction, so I take in what he's saying and do as he suggests. At first, I thought it was kind of interesting he was giving me pointers anyway, seeing that I never asked, but I was like "eh, he likes the sport, wants to share what he knows, cool." Didn't bother me.

But then it gets funny. So I'm hitting a few balls and after every hit he goes "wow, that's really good." Every. Hit. And I'm not saying this to boast, I don't care. I said thanks. But I literally thought to myself, "is he going to say this after every shot I take today?" I was genuinely wondering why he kept saying "that's really good". Again, I'm not trying to draw attention to the compliment, just setting up the point.

But I keep hitting and don't say anything meanwhile after every hit he's just ~amazed~. So he realizes I don't need any more pointers on chipping so he's like "Okay, you get it. You don't need this, let's go." And we go to the driving range. (For those who don't know, the driving range is where everyone is stationary and they're just hitting balls off into the distance.) We get to our spot and he's like "okay, show me what's going on." And I kind of look at him but don't say anything. Like "why did he say it like that?" Again, laughing on the inside because all his commentary was just interesting. I grab my bread-and-butter club, aka the club I always hit well no matter what. Take my practice swing and then hit the ball for real and it goes dead straight, a hundred yards. Boom. Whatever. I look at him and his face is surprised, but neither of us say anything, and I hit two or three more dead straight, no issues. And finally, he goes "What did you say you needed help with?" Completely puzzled at how well I'm doing. And I say (which I totally meant to come out as a joke but it really just landed more sassy) "I never said I needed help." And he busts out LAUGHING. I mean we're cracking up, and I was like "It's true!". Anyway, I can't live it down to this day, right, and this happened three weeks ago.

Flashforward to my conversation with my bestie and why I'm writing this post. But she pointed out to me as I was retelling the story that men hear "I don't like X" as "I'm not good at X and therefore I don't like it." And, subsequently "But if you teach it to me, then I'll love it." And the way that blew my mind! Because I was just reacting as I always do whenever I do sports, especially (and usually) with a guy around; they're always shocked at what I'm capable of doing. And her saying that made me realize men will always hear what you're saying as a way of saying we're unable, and therefore need their help, because we just fail or suck on our own. And again, not dissing my boss. The whole thing was lighthearted and he meant well. But it's interesting that there's always this level of misogyny laced through a man's thinking that they always have something to teach us and can make us like something that we don't, and we're always looking to be showed how to do things. Just because we don't like something doesn't mean its because we are bad at it and will love it "once we have help". Like no. I just don't like golf. I never said I was bad at it. Ever. I never even eluded to that assumption. Just men and their superiority complex interpret everything as "oh, she's asking for my help, she just doesn't know it yet". Its what John Oliver said in his clip about people and their UFO sightings, but with a twist. "What you think you heard depends on what you were expecting to hear". It's the same way men assume my bestfriend is stupid because she's a blonde and she runs.

[miraakulous-cloud-district]

I was tagged by @bougainvillea-and-saltwater to do this amazingly cool tag game and share the "theme songs" of my fic, all instrumental!! You had such a wonderful idea with this tag game, dear 🥰🥰 **Edit, since this has been in the drafts, @shitty-drawer also tagged me💖💖 Thank you so much, and I actually tagged you in this game 🤣 You were faster than me in posting it.

I thought it was going to be easy, as I listen to a ton of instrumental music, because I also like to always have music in the background! But going off of vibes, this is how I associate music to my fic "Wherever you go, there you are":

"Miasma" by Ghost. This is Ravonna’s theme song. This one, I feel like, it encapsulates Mage!Ravonna perfectly. And that saxophone solo? Groovy! Just like her and her bard side. It also feels like a beautifully threatening song, in a way, and I think it fits her perfectly. The second song for her, because I simply cannot only choose one is "Faronell's Division" by John Playford. This one represents her sassyness as well as her impulsiveness, with all the changes in rhythm

For Miraak, I'm going with "Gnossienne No.5" by Erik Satie, because of the ✨️gentleness✨️ and this song heals the soul, and he's a healer, sooo yeah. The second one I choose for him is "A watering hole in the harbor" by Adam Skorupa; this is such a joyful song, and I feel like it really encapsulates the "I have no idea what y'all are doing, but I'm joining in and I'm so happy to be here" vibe that Miraak has once he gets more comfortable and lets go of the Miraak persona and embraces his true self <3

Now for the WYGTYA as a whole and general vibes:

I find myself listening to "Thunderbrew" by David Arkenstone a lot while writing, and since it has such a tavern-y vibe to it, this could be the theme for the fellowship whenever they are at a tavern having fun, drinking, eating and being in their natural habitat 🤣

"People of the land" by Jan Valta is the absolute perfect song for showing beautiful landscapes of both Morrowind and Skyrim, while also being the perfect song for Ravonna’s inner struggles to figure out whether she feels more at home in Skyrim, the land of her people, or in Morrowind, the land where she grew up. This is also the Civil War storyline theme, in my heart :')

"City of Sails" by Inon Zur is a theme that I don't know how to explain, without giving away spoilers :)))) It has ties to Ravonna's family, but will also represent the land of High Rock (yes, the story will go there too🤣) Also this one is one of those songs that I am kind of emotionally attached to, for some reason. I just wish I lived within this song, in a way.

And for the extra ocs:

For Endryn, I have "Tavern" by Jason Hayes, this one is pretty obvious, he is my beloved innkeeper dunmer oc who adopted Ravonna. He was very friendly, kind, stressed and quite funny, dad joke expert.

For Hjaldir, my other beloved oc, the nord bard that worked at the Inn where Ravonna grew up, because he is an ex-pirate, I'm going for "Moonlight Serenade" by Klaus Badelt. I don't associate him with the character Jack Sparrow all that much, but this song draws the perfect image of a charming and charismatic pirate, and the tune is incredibly melodious, so it really fits his bard persona well! Also, the intense part is perfect for his adventurous and danger-filled life. He's got many, many stories from his pirate days 😉

If you made it until here, I literally love you so much! Thank you for reading my ramblings. I could talk about songs and music all day!

I'm tagging my usual favourite mutuals @kiir-do-faal-rahhe @thelavenderelf @nerevar-quote-and-star Y'all already know you don't have to do this if you don't want to 💖💖 just ignore me and if I'm being annoying with the tag games, do let me know. This is not my intention at all! I will stop tagging you if you don't want to participate.

[webslingingslasher]

https://www.tumblr.com/webslingingslasher/739224380667772928/hi-j-can-i-talk-ab-smth-thats-making-me-sad?source=share

thank you🫶🏻. i read this reply earlier and it made me cry bc you’re the only one who actually cares. thanks for letting me talk. also this is long and i’m v sorry but i just wanted to share w someone. part of it gets deep but i swear u don’t have to reply to that part, i fr just wanna make one point ab guys fighting

i hate violence so much. the jokes ab men punching walls don’t make me laugh and men beating the shit out of other guys to protect their girl isn’t attractive to me. i just hate all of it

it used to be funny and attractive until it wasn’t. my dad was so mad at me yesterday bc he was drunk and i wouldn’t give him more alc, that he punched a wall. i took a pic of the hole in my bedroom door and sent it my friends in our gc and we were laughing so hard at it bc white men and punching walls yk? It was so funny and we kept making jokes/memes ab it til i realised he punched the wall bc he couldn’t punch me (i closed my door and he couldn’t get in) and that’s a weird fucking realisation.

i just don’t like any of it and i’m having a v bad day. i told my mum and brother and nobody gets it. they both blame me. it’s ridiculous. and now i’m convincing myself that i DID do something wrong, when i know i didnt. it’s fucking crazy. he could beat the shit out of me (he wouldn’t) and they’d still find a way to make it my fault.

im gna send u my mums response (english is her 3rd language so ignore the mistakes) and she’s literally blaming me.

for context, my dad has a history of abuse (against my mum, yet she still defends him) and my mum is just as bad.

this is what she texted me:

“Ppl have limitations. If you push them they do things or say things and you turn and call names to those can’t bare any more. You should be a bit more patient and a bit more respectful to your parents

You shouldn’t keep shouting at him. We’re both doing our best even we are not the best I know, but as a return I thing we deserve to be respected , if you are better than us then you should understand what I am saying”

i just feel so alone. i stg it’s like no one understands.

anyways long story short i don’t like violence and i don’t find it attractive. i don’t shame anyone / any girls bc i’m a girls girl at heart, but i hate how people have romanticised violence bc it really does send the wrong message to guys and younger boys growing up and hearing “fights are so hot” and “it’s so sexy when guys beat the shit out of other guys” even if they deserved it. like even tho they wouldn’t do that to you, the reminder that they can makes me sick. i just don’t like it and i feel like i’m the only one :/ violence just makes me icky and anxious and scared even if it’s not directed to me/supposed to “protect me” (when it’s at another guy at a bar or whatever).

thanks for listening to my rant. ur legit my bestie. i have an anon emoji & we’re mutuals/we talk on here like all the time but i don’t wanna use it on this

ily

i don’t think you’re wrong for having this opinion or have it belong in an unpopular opinion category. i think the issue is that violence (esp w. men) has been so desensitized that it’s “normal.”

i also don’t like violence and grew up with an angry man in my home. i will never be an angry man and i will never be with one for that reason. but when i read something fictional i feel like im taking control back (? if that makes sense.) because i can “control” the violence.

your dad was wrong, and it was wrong of your mom to try and protect him. you deserve to feel safe and i’m sorry you don’t. i’m here always <3

[justicerikai]

Charisma House - Superhuman Sharehouse Story “Charisma” - #1 Obedience (Motohashi Iori)

The Charisma of Obedience- Motohashi Iori. He's in charge of cooking, laundry, and cleaning.

TL note before you read:

Rikai calls Sarukawa ‘Saru’, which means monkey in Japanese. At times he pokes fun at Sarukawa for being, well, a “monkey”. I’ve tried to make it sound like Rikai is equating his behaviour to a monkey more literally, than it being just a joke on the double meaning of saru.

Iori barks have been kept as ‘wan’, because of the joke sometimes that it sounds like ‘one’. Trying to make the ‘one’ joke work with woof or bark takes a quantum physicist, I think. As per very-bored-anon’s suggestion, “number wan” has been changed to “through the woof”!

And most importantly: Please read alongside listening to the drama track on Youtube. There’s an option for Japanese subtitles which I mostly followed (hence there’s short phrase after short phrase). There’s also funny visuals and talking sprites.

Now, do enjoy and remember, they’re just ordinary guys!

Once again, please read while listening to the drama track!

Iori: Hm hm hmmm~♪ Phew, it looks delicious. Maybe this will get everyone hooked on my cooking. Fuhahaha~

Sarukawa: Oi, Io!

Iori: Aah, Saru-chan, welcome back

Sarukawa: Don’ call me ‘Saru-chan’, I’ll kill you if you keep it up!

Iori: Again with that...

Iori: Wait you’re injured too. Just where and what are you always up to?

Sarukawa: Shuddup

Sarukawa: ’m hungry! Ain’t food done yet or what. You’re damn slow

(Sarukawa hits Iori)

Iori: Thank you…

Iori: Ah, not that

Iori: Don’t kick my behind

(Sarukawa hits Iori, again)

Sarukawa: Hurry up then

Iori: Thank you….

Iori: Ah, I did it again

Iori: I told you to stop kicking my behind!

Sarukawa: Also do the laundry

Iori: ...Hah? Only this much!?

Sarukawa: These pants got a hole in them so fix ‘em up too

Iori: There’s a hole you say…

Iori: Then I’ll make you some new pants♪

Sarukawa: You don’t gotta make stuff, just close up the hole!

Iori: But that’s not enough of a burden~

Sarukawa: The hell you mean with burden…

Sarukawa: Besides ain’t it impossible to make them? There’s no way you got a sewing machine

Iori: Then I’ll just make a sewing machine?

Sarukawa: Eh, what- what the, that’s scary

Sarukawa: Whatever just hurry up and make some grub

Iori: I’ll make food but I’ll ALSO make pants!

Sarukawa: WHY!?

(Whistle blowing)

Iori: Ah, Rikai-kun

Rikai: What monkey business are you up to, Saru

Sarukawa: Aaahn!? What’re you implyin’ with that!

Rikai: Saru

Rikai: I cannot retire from patrolling because of society’s trash akin to you doing as they please-

Rikai: Do you understand my point?

Sarukawa: The hell!?

(Sarukawa grabs Rikai, and Rikai blows on his whistle)

Rikai: Hmph, violence I see

Rikai: Suppose monkeys aren’t intelligent

Sarukawa: I’ll kill you!

(Rikai blowing on whistle)

Rikai: Criminal intimidation

Sarukawa: Shut the fuck up!!

(Rikai blowing on whistle, again. While Sarukawa wreaks havoc.)

Rikai: Property damage

Sarukawa: So annoying!

Sarukawa: I’mma crush you and beat you to bits and pieces and-

(Rikai continuously blowing on whistle)

Sarukawa: Damn annoying whistle!

Rikai: Eh?

Sarukawa: I’M talking here!

Sarukawa: The hell you keep blowing that whistle for. And why you got that thing anyway!

Rikai: To bring attention to wrongdoings

Rikai: Rikai-oniisan will do it as this at once

(Rikai blows his whistle… again…)

Sarukawa: Ain’t that lame as shit?

Rikai: Eh?

Sarukawa: Yanno a whistle’s kinda…

Sarukawa: Right, Io

Iori: Yeah.. A whistle’s a bit…

Rikai: Ah- gh- I do not care about that!

Rikai: More importantly, Saru

Rikai: You’re pushing Iori-san around way too much.

Rikai: How many times do I need to say this. It’s not as if we are a family. We’re complete strangers merely living together, your problems are yours to take care of

Rikai: And cease with using force on others too, you understand that much, right?

Rikai: If you aren’t a monkey that is

Sarukawa: Gaah! Don’t touch my head!

Rikai: Ahaha

Rikai: Simply simian~

Sarukawa: Yer seriously a fuckin’ bastard that gets on my nerves with every little thing!

Sarukawa: One day I’ll rip you to pieces and throw you into the ocean!

(Whistle blowing, from Rikai)

Sarukawa: STOP THAT!!

Rikai: Huhuhu what, what’s wrong

Rikai: Is the sound of my whistle scaring you away?

Sarukawa: No way, just uneasy over how lame it is

Rikai: It is NOT lameee---!

Iori: Um- Rikai-kun

Iori: I’m okay with it so it’s all good.

Rikai: Haah…

Rikai: Iori-san, I have a problem with you too

Rikai: Please be clear when turning down these idiotic, selfish demands. If you don’t then the order of this household will be in disarray.

Iori: Hmn~....

Iori: I’m really okay with it though.

Iori: Because I have already closed a slave contract with the residents here.

(Long pause)

Rikai: Huh? 

Iori: Hm? 

Rikai: Eh?

Iori: Eh?

Rikai: I-I’m sorry Iori-san…

Rikai: Rikai-oniisan isn’t sure he understands…

Rikai: A what contract now?

Iori: A slave contract!

Rikai: Ye..s….?

Iori: This is the written contract here

Rikai: Wri-...written contract…

Iori: I’ll read aloud

Iori: First, Motohashi Iori does not have the right to decline anything that had been requested.

Rikai: Eh?

Iori: Second, Motohashi Iori may not ask for any compensation in return.

Rikai: Mhm?

Iori: Third, therefore there is no need for the party that placed their request to have any sense of guilt.

Rikai: Yes?

Iori: Fourth, do not be mistaken. Motohashi Iori will be acting as a positive, voluntary slave till the bitter end.

Rikai: A positive, voluntary slave you say…

Rikai: OI, SARU!

Rikai: You bastard, just what did you make Iori-san write here!

Iori: Nu-uh! I wrote this because I wanted to

Rikai: You WANTED to? There’s someone that would write this themselves!?

Iori: There is. Me.

Rikai: Terrifying.

Iori: And with that please form an agreement with me too!

Iori: Go ahead and sign the written contract!

Rikai: No, I’m good.

Iori: Let me be your slave!

Rikai: No, I said I’m good. 

Iori: In addition there’s a 24 hour campaign going on right now where you can use me however you’d like to

Iori: Our dearest customer’s satisfaction is through the WOOF!

Iori: Sales in the industry through the WOOF!

Rikai: What kind of advertising is this, there’s no such industry

Iori: Hurry and sign! Sign it!

Rikai: Wah-wai-wai… I’m good no thank you I’m-

Iori: I’ll do anything and everything

Iori: All good to work me to the bone! I’ll die if I don’t do something for the sake of others! I’m a hollow human being that can’t do anything on my own accord! Order me around! Do as you please!

Iori: Ah, that’s right.

Iori: You can tug on my collar whenever you want!

Rikai: A COLLAR!? Why do you have a...

Iori: That’s because I’m a dog for the people~☆

Rikai: A dog for the people!?

Iori: Self-sacrifice!

Iori: Contribution! 

Iori: Free service! 

Rikai: Something’s going on here I’m scared-...

Iori: Self-sacrifice! Contribution! Free service!

Iori: Self-sacrifice! Contribution! Free serviceeeeee!

Iori: WoofWOOOOF~!

Rikai: What the hell is up with this freak!

Sarukawa: Oi, you forgot your whistle

Rikai: Ah

(PPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII)

Charisma charge: SUCCESS

Motohashi Iori, Kusanagi Rikai, Sarukawa Kei

[galaxythreads]

Idk if you're still doing the lore thing, but if you are: The Blood Of My Enemy Stains My Hands Now?

I am ALWAYS still doing lore for fics. Sorry this took like two weeks to answer, anon.

LORE FOR THE BLOOD OF MY ENEMY STAINS MY HANDS NOW <-- link to story

this was written as a request for Tamuril2, who asked for something with Loki and Fury after I wrote My Kids Will Call Me Fury , where Fury collected the Avengers as his kids. They wanted something with Loki and Fury specifically, so when I added the additional scene at the end of MKWCMF, I also decided to just...write this.

I didn't have a plan. I didn't even really have an end goal in mind.

I remember starting to write it and just being like "yknow what, fine" and just letting it go wherever. I wrote the entire thing in like seven hours. I am a meticulous planner for multi-chapters. For one-shots I kinda just let the story take itself.

Fair warning, I haven't read this story in probably 2 years. No, I think i listened to it at work recently? honestly i have no idea.

lol. Fury is such an a-hole.

---

it was not ear blood. It was the fact that Loki was crying. The ear blood just sort of sealed the deal.

---

PTSD from being tortured by Thanos ^^^

---

"Flesh around a long, ragged gorge (a stab, not clean) is blackened and the veins around it are turning a purplish-blue."

.....

galaxy.

that's kind of too funny to go and edit out honestly. Sometimes I find grammar errors that I can't stand but this is just. This is comedy gold.

reason 1134325235 I should have a beta, but don't. (I edit vigorously but that only catches 92% of everything)

---

"Fury can see evidence of previous scars there, white and not as faint as he's expecting for someone over a millennia old."

^^^

from torture with thanos

---

yeah, i think the injury has changed like at least two times that I've noticed. If you can't tell, I literally had no idea what I was going with, lol.

---

ha. Everyone kept making jokes about how Thanos would be defeated by Cap Marvel alone without any effort on her part whatsoever before Endgame came out and I found it really annoying. This is 1000% a "look, carol can't solve everything" point.

---

"He jolts a little and his face twitches with something that looks close to a grimace. Fury leans against the side of the car a little, and stares at him."

^^ hypervigilance, a common symptom of ptsd

---

""Believe me, Director, the things that are after me would horrify you."

Fury blinks. "That is not reassuring."

"It wasn't meant to be."

Of course not. Brat."

I love them, your honor.

---

"And, well, he attempted to smuggle me out the next day. We didn't make it far. Odin commissioned Thor banned from Asgard for the next two years and I to the snake pits beneath the palace."

THEY JUST HAVE SNAKE PITS BENEATH THE PALACE AND NO ONE BRINGS THAT UP AGAIN? WHAT IS THIS????????? AMERICA EXPLAIN!

----

"There is no way that Fury is sending him back. None on this planet, none on any other. If capital punishment must be met, it should be clean. Fury has never been big on torture as recompense for a crime."

I know there are a lot of mcu fics out there where Fury 100% engages in torture and believes it's an effective means of retrieving information or enacting punishment, but I personally don't see Fury doing that. To be clear, I think those fics are fun and very enjoyable, but I don't think that Natasha, Clint, or Tony would trust Tony to the extent they do if Fury was willing to do a ton of physical/mental harm to someone.

---

"Stop scowling, S.H.I.E.L.D. can always use the assets. You work for us and we'll give you a roof over your head and keep you from Asgard, and whatever else it is that's hunting you.""

WAIT I TOTALLY FORGOT THAT THIS IS THE FIC I WROTE WHERE LOKI BECOMES FURY'S C.I./AGENT

I LOVE THIS FIC

---

Between yet another villain attack and Tony breaking into S.H.I.E.L.D. again, Fury nearly forgets all about it.

TONY

I need the context behind this and yet I have none XD

---

 Despite the fact that his leathers were destroyed and Fury banned him from using magic save truly dire circumstances, he still manages to seem well dressed. Fury's not even certain where the long suit coat came from. He doesn't wear ties from what Fury's seen unless the circumstance permits it.

^^

more ptsd from torture. ties are a little too close to strangulation for him.

---

If Fury hadn't been looking for it he would have missed the slight widening of Loki's eyes and the relief slip into his stance.

^^

I always got the impression that Odin spent a great deal of time yelling at Thor and Loki for doing things wrong. I don't imagine Loki's delivered reports to his father that went over smoothly.

---

"So, you're keeping him?" Coulson questions and Fury nearly jumps in surprise at the voice, turning to look back at the agent currently seated in a chair in his office, the folder that he's compiled on Loki in hand.

I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH! WHY IS COULSON HERE? I DON"T KNOW, BUT IT'S GREAT HE BROKE INTO FURY'S OFFICE AND FURY ISN'T EVEN ANNOYED, JUST RESIGNED. like it happens all the time. (Oh, hill asked him to look into it. okay. makes sense. still glorious)

Also loving that Coulson is literally chill with the guy who stabbed him working with them. Like. Bro. You're a SAINT.

---

He hasn't mentioned it to his higher-ups and plans to keep it that way.

The more they can make it seem like Loki vanished off the face of the Earth the better.

Less things to shove off his tail.

^^

Fury's desperate self explanations for everything are fantastic. Literally he's doing this so the "big bad thing" after Loki doesn't pick up the fact that he didn't die on the street corner.

---

"Fury's rising desire to punch Odin and any other Asgardian (save Thor) in the face kicks up a notch."

^^

yeah if this is not clear from earlier, Fury and Thor are good terms. They've talked a bit about Loki, which is how Fury knew that Loki would make a good agent to begin with.

---

It both strings and numbs him to realize that Loki trusts him enough not to sneak something into the food. Loki stays the rest of the night on the couch, his face twitching with discomfort, but the trust that he presents Fury with is humbling.

^^

This is. Bro. Loki is so untrusting. like deeply at his core. the fact that he did this with fury just really makes me realize how much Loki trusts him. He showed up at Fury's house when he was having an anxiety attack to ask for help. He didn't think Fury would turn him away. He didn't even bother to pick through the food because he trusts fury. Like. whoa.

---

He comes to with an aching back, a sore throat unequal to any other, and the sound of quiet voices talking around him. His mind refuses to really process any of the words their speaking beyond frazzled bits of mumbles, but he recognizes the voices enough that he doesn't panic.

AND FURY TRUSTS THE AVENGERS + LOKI

---

"Thank you." Fury interrupts.

Loki's jaw hangs a little and he stares at him, "What?"

"Thank you." Fury repeats.

Loki's eyebrows look in danger of disappearing into his hairline. "I…?"

Curse you, Odin, and all you other Asgardian idiots.

^^^

Loki saved everyone's lives on Jotunheim and not one (1) person thanked him for keeping them alive. I don't get the impression he gets thanked that often.

---

"Sure, he was shot, but it isn't the worst thing that's ever happened to him before.

He's a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. S.H.I.E.L.D. director.

He has other things to do."

THIS MAN I SWEAR

--

"Loki belongs to Asgard—!"

"And I've elected to ignore that."

^^

probably a better summary of this fic, lol.

---

LINK TO STORY

[survnet]

🎙️ and 🥪 for the ask game!

sorry for the absolute yapfest incoming and also that this is a week late. It took a bit to write all this out. and also irl stuff happened but ykkkk off topic

🥪 (Tell us any random headcanon/s you have!) : okay im doing this one first because. uh. well.

prism is really into model building. she originally only did it for planning and prototypes and such but she realized she enjoyed it so she started to do it in her free time for fun

hivemind vehemently despises every other bug apart from bees. whenever theres an ant/etc infestation he devises the most cruel painful saw trap ass ways to exterminate them and giggles manically when they die.

charlie throws motolov cocktails at birds for fun

solaris likes classical and orchestral music. esp after leaving zoraxis. it reminds her of fabby

zor secretly really likes disney movies. everyone who learns this about them gets executed instantly

anna and solaris used to stargaze together. fabby joined when she wasnt busy (not often.)

🎙️ (What’s your favourite (used or unused) voice line in the games?) : time for the reason this ask took so long to answer! I did NOT listen to the fact that it says voice line singular! god i hope this readmore works

literally all of handlers jokes. theyre so bad but they come from handler so they make me happy

"What was it that turns screws again? A... screw-turner?" and every other time he says smthn snarky... hes so funny he does NOT have time for the agents bs ❗️❗️❗️

all of zors voice messages in friendly skies. esp the birthday one. its your birthday its your birthday dr zorrrrrrr :3. OH and the one from their evil conscious. zor going to a support group is rlly funny i think

"That's a fine airplane, Agent. But don't forget to save the world?" no time for joyous whimsy smh...

"Invalid code! Goodbye!" and honestly literally everything the escape pod says. shes so happy about your imminent death! (also shoutout to her in-game voice actor tiffany. i hope you are still alive 🙏🙏🙏)

"I hate to say I told you so- ...No, wait. I love to say that! I told you so, Agent!" rude as hell...

"It appears Zor's minions have unionized... Good for them!" "Hm... Transmitting it has apparently alerted Zors assassins to your position. Good for them!" good for them<3

"It's fine. I won't reprimand you for destroying a decanter of 16-year-old single malt scotch. It... doesn't bother me." he is so bothered <3

handlers phone message at the beginning of first class. solve my riddle agent☝️☝️☝️

"Ah, the old gun-through-the-mail-slot trick. I used to do that at the office when I was an agent! ...I was asked to stop." "Ah, the old spear-through-the-ceiling trick. Never got a chance to do that one at the office." looney toons ass shit

"Just so you know... I am allergic to bees-" "Just drill that hole!" hivemind needs to be rude more... rude hivemind is my favorite hivemind

"ONE AGENT, EXTRA CRISPY!" this line repeats in my head 24/7 its actually crazy. i dont even particularly like the line its just Stuck in my brain

"The Hivemind is gonna be here! Ha, bees. He's gonna be here in like five minutes!" ha. bees.

all of hiveminds puns. especially "I spy with my little eye something that is, mm... BEES! MWAHAHAHAHA!" he didnt even try with that one its abit funny. i love him

also every other charlie and hivemind line (fork found in kitchen) i just would feel bad abt putting all of them.

all of solaris' lines when the death engine fires. shes objectum idgaf its canon. to me

"You should really enjoy the view instead of staring at that screen so much!" its because youre always on that damn computer

"'You're glowing!' Is normally a compliment. But... not in your case. Get it? Because radiation poisoning? Ha... That's a good one." not funny at all but for some reason i still giggle . i think its bc i love her

solaris' lines where she reads the agents files... teehee..

solaris' calls with zor... 'fineee🙄'

all the lines where handler nerds out abt jj

handlers voice line when hes in the crowd and gets shushed during stage fright.

"Don't raise that curtain before we're ready! I will resort to violence." violence! my favorite! the delivery here is real funny

"Ugh. No, no, that's not a good look for you, love. It's completely wrong for the shape of your face. Maybe if you- Nope, not the time. Back to work!" me when beautiful woman calls me love

"The TOLL! The great CLOCK! DOWN THE HALL!" from jj when you mess up the cue in stage fright... and the other messed up cue lines but that one is the funniest methinks

the voicemails from the interviewer in jet set. something wrong with juniper i think.

"Only the best chefs in the world can prepare that dish safely. Lucky for you, I employ the best chefs! Hehehehehe..." ONLY for the laugh at the end. why is he giggling deviously. hes probably rubbing his hands together evilly too cartoon villain ass

fabbys lines when she leaves her workshop at the beginning of eaves drop

also all of fabbys voice tapes.. esp the 5th and 6th ones

the guards in party crasher. just in general. theyr underrated. esp fred hes silly.

all of junipers lines in party crasher when u send up the wrong stuff. esp "Wine, Gibson. Not plate! Wiiiiine." why is he talking to gibson like a baby gibson is probably twice his age "Sherry, Gibson? Are you joking? Sherry? Really?" u can hear the smile in his voice near the end its kinda cute

of course, the classic "ARE YOU WEARING ONE OF MY MASKS?!" my first ieytd fanart was based on this line so for me its more nostalgic than anything. its still a good line though

"It's me! It's me, I promise! Uh, lets see, your favourite color is, uh... Y'know, you'll just have to trust me on this." he dont know shit abt phoenix...but he still care s for them... killing myself?

every juniper-as-handler line in safe and sound. only time i get the appeal of juniper in an attraction way. Especially "Don't do that, Agent. You might hurt yourself!" hoooly moly. can handler turn evil just so we can have more of him like that

also junipers monologue near the end of safe n sound. esp when you interrupt him...

handler b4 rising phoenix when he calls them by agent phoenix for the first time KILL ME NOW

all of handlers lines during th tutorial in ieytd3. esp the beginning. starts sobbing.

"Let's see... Ah, my to do list today is just... Y'know? I have to... Dust, or something. Always busy!" "Relateable! I dust 3 times a day myself." 1. robutlers delivery is sooooo funny 2. what is wrong with handler

robutlers jokes and handlers reactions to them.. "Hm. I didn't like that one."

"Heh, if I were a mean robot I'd be pretty mad right about now. But I'm nice! I'm nice..." so trustworthy

"Supervisor, remember when you said you couldn't tell us apart because our voices were so darn similar?" "Darn wasn't the word... It was-" the word was FUCKING ❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️or maybe just damn idk

"That... was in someone elses mouth. I need you to know that." "That gum is beyond disgusting. I don't like that, and I'm beginning to not like you." phoenix is insane

"Whenever I fix pipes I usually use a wrench. Sometimes I use my bare hands. ...I prefer the wrench." ...im normal

"Sooner or later we all get lasered. Or something else kills us. One of those two things will happen sooner or later, just you wait and see!" this is factual.

Every interaction prism has with her robots...esp the ones with right robot in blind spot... they make me sob

"I'm in the van in front of you. Don't worry, I only crashed 3 vans when I was a field agent." he cant drive

"Try not to go into the fire, Agent. It's not good for the car." "Fire is deadly when it's all over you." and basically every other time he says obvious shit all matter of factly. like no way... fr...?

"You know what they say! Give a robot a hot dog, feed him for a day. Teach a robot to hot dog... Wait, I messed that up." I think about teach a robot to hot dog every day

Every line from handler during the squid battle in hot water. esp "Hm, probably just... the wind. Underwater wind. Haha. Yes, anyway, grab the- No, there it is again!" he is abit stupid "EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE! The giant squid knows how power generators work!" smart squid:)

ollie. in general. love you ollie

"Fireworks are the pinnacle of undercover operations. Any passerby will simply think we're celebrating." this is true

"This is... not even remotely a wrench." Im trying my best roxana :(

every zor line. all of them. their voices (both from 2 and 3) are so cool it makes every line of theirs a favorite. especially the monologue at the end of kboom hoooly shiiit i got fucking chills when i first heard it...

"Look at those driving gloves! I bet you could drive anything with those, and look good doing it! Even one of those little... cars clowns like to drive. Ha... Even that." u can just tell hes imagining phoenix driving it

"Do you trust that sandwich? Not its quality, more like... Would you tell it a secret?" what the fuck is he talking about

"You look ready to be the life of the party! Now we just need to get you invited to a party... Not my strong suit." hes so me

"I can't say I approve of you wearing any kind of Zoraxis branding on your clothing, but I do approve of you not catching a cold. Care comes first!" eeuueeueueuue he cares abt them. kills myself.

"You're a sight for sore eyes, Agent. My eyes aren't sore, mind you. It's just an expression. Perhaps I should say that you're a sight for perfectly healthy eyes! Just to clear the air of any confusion." my handler autism hc grows more canon every day

"Ah, you're here, Agent! I have a question for you. Here it goes: Which hand is your favorite? That one? Really? No, no, you can't take it back, I feel like I know more about you now." again what the fuck is he talking about

[indefatigablepaths]

ADRS007 - A) Coda - Shodan Part 2 - SoundCloud

Listen to ADRS007 - A) Coda - Shodan Part 2 by Audio Danger Drum & Bass on #SoundCloud

They think food translates to lonely alcoholic here, that's all I can share with you. Good opinion. I'm not sure how you want to navigate out of this for everyone. Maybe remove college from your church books. Does anyone remember that. How none of that was any good. Except you had to "pay the Greeks" a debt to "help you fight" Jesus. Ya I'm blaming this on your government again. You're a complete joke. No one cares about anything you ever said. It's just a few weird people running around doing nothing good because you still can't give up the gimmick. Drop the dead weight. Purge your tiny little ego. Isn't that sad how they sit there with their thumb sucking. I can't do anything I'm in danger of not being in black and white enough. There is no redeeming value to the direction you've spent people's self worth on. He looks like an illeterate confused red neck that crawled out of a hole onto your television. He just forgot to get back to the farm. That's funny. I think he's gifted and unchallenged. You know. So talking is always a challenge. If you know what I'm saying. No I don't. The irony is a cultured person can't even attend college. You can't help everyone who already lost. It's kind of similar to pretending a priest wasn't already murdered. It's kind of a gag show. That's not right why do the government undo gag first. I'm so old school I don't even have attractive pretenses. There's no issue here. You know if you look. The government wasn't even good at breeding itself. Help me keep everyone so slow you still thought meth was a good addition to loans. You are completely irresponsible. For every loan ever taken out. This is societal misalignment. In short. I am not going to help you understand worthless information. You pay the most money for the least value. You act proud and literate as you foolishly sink your own ships. So the government created a trash compactor for people and he pretends forty thousand dollars for solar panels is helpful. He looks like a dumb idiot dog I want to kick in the face and shoot because all his friends are rabid with rabies. That's why he doesn't understand meth is broken and books are bad for eyes. He's an animal. Just imagine. The animal. That covered his tracks long enough to become president. Look at me. My entire family retarded and friendly. We all hug so long. Good people. You know that didn't happen. Except it did happen. He can't convince me he has any good ideas. He's having convulsions and seizures on your television over what his mama said. You know why he cares about what his mama said. His dad was never home. He was born from sperm donor dogs. Do you know what Gucci is? That's what's good to a dog. When you go home to spend time with people. Kind of an alien goo. That keeps people in a slow stasis.

[qveensteph]

lol tw rant: feeling absolutely insane rn. it just feels like the universe is absolutely against me in the oh so insignificant but absolutely top of my mind/main priority of having a romantic relationship. like i’ve gone all of my life without a boyfriend, am i really that undeserving of romantic love?? like i kill myself to be a good potential girlfriend, yet i’m alone. like what the actual fuck. it seems like everyone who wants someone has someone and ppl that are alone choose to be alone. like i’m so over feeling sorry for myself and im so f*cking over begging for this. why should i beg for something? it’s not like i don’t try because i do. i literally put myself out there. i’ve literally been on dating apps, i’ve gone on dates, i go out and do things on my own. i try not to have resting bitch face but no no nooooooooo. it’s just not for me. like am i being f*cking punished? i’m always there listening to my friends about their romantic lives and i’m happy for them, i support them, but after years of hearing everyone talk ab their romantic lives, no matter how fucking shitty their love life is, u just feel awful about urself. (bc at least someone actually likes them enough for them to have a romantic life) like i know i’m beautiful, smart and accomplished, but i just get to this point in which it seems like nothing about me matters (and ik how bad that sounds but it’s my truth) like sometimes i feel like pulling a full cassie howard and just fully surrendering myself to any man that gives me attention. but i know how incredibly bad that is in every aspect of the notion, but that doesn’t mean that every day that i’m still single, that i’m not becoming more and more like szn 2 cassie. and to make matters even worse, everyone’s f*cking surprised when i tell them i’m single and i’ve always been. like they always think i’m lying. and i’m flattered but then i’m ALWAYS sad afterwards. it feels like i’m on the outside of the biggest joke ever. i’ve literally had a random man walk up to me in the street and tell me “your boyfriend is lucky to have you” like thank you, but I DONT HAVE A BOYFRIEND. like why is god punishing me? why is the universe punishing me?? and i’m over all that, “you need to love urself first” bullshit, because i do. i’m basically a straight up narcissist at this point because of how much love i’ve had to pour into myself. yes, i have friends, i have family, i have a promising job, i’m genuinely happy with the rest of my life. my cups are filled up. except this one. it’s literally empty. i just can’t believe how much this literally affects me. it pisses me off that it bothers me so much. like god give me a fucking break. i literally have the most basic standards. respectful, attractive to me, funny, tall, a talker and not ridiculously older than me. like girlllllllllll i am NOT asking for the world. i’m gonna get a tattoo on my forehead that says “LOOKING FOR BF” anyways… i think i feel better. but it doesn’t matter if i feel better now, bc it’s a bandaid on a fucking bullet hole. i’ve dealt with this for years. and i know it goes beyond just being loved, it’s daddy issues, its abandonment issues, it’s fear of vulnerability, it’s feeling unworthy of being loved, it’s so many things. and i’m just so OVER IT. like whatever.

well, :) kisses 💋

pray for me!!! i need it 😀😘

[storytimewithnova]

YOU THINK I AM SPECIAL (I'M NOT)

Heads up this is going to be angsty shoyo is Oikawa's little brother he is Dating Goshiki they are in the same school same year and shoyo is dating Oikawa is dating Semi kunimi and suna are dating two sleepy joes together Song used and always its a pain in the backside findiing female versions

In Volley hoes group chat

Shoyo:🎶I'm not special Who the hell am I to think I'm special?🎶

Kenma:Shoyo are you okay?

Shoyo:🎶I'm not so well Thanks for asking But you probably figured what else is new🎶

Goshiki:Sunshine what are you talking about where is this coming from?

Oikawa:Little bro

Shoyo:🎶I try my best still But if I die, wind up in some mess You'll keep my head filled With the notion that I don't deserve this life that I've built🎶

Kunimi:Who hurt our baby sunshine speak now or die🔪

Suna: his is not joke she is standing her with a knife

Shoyo:🎶I'm not special, special Don't know why I thought I could be someone I'm no one To anyone who knows me I'm a burden, I'm certain The only thing I'm good for is hurtin' the ones I love🎶

Kageyama:….

Kageyama's thoughts(💭 I didn’t mean to tell him that what have i done to him has he held on to this for nearly 2 years)

Shoyo:🎶I wanna be special But I don't know if it's worth all of this stress You don't know my struggle 'Cause I don't tell it If I did, I really don't think you'd be bothered to hear it anyway If I sang a song Would you listen? Or would you tell me that I'm terrible?🎶

Kageyama:….

Kei:Kags do you know something about this

Kenma:Yeah i know you and shoyo have history

Shoyo:🎶If I played along To ease the friction Would you still tell me that I'm terrible?🎶

Tendou:What have you done to my cousin you asshole

Kageyama:….

Shoyo:🎶Oh, I'm not special, special Don't know why I thought I could be someone I'm no one To anyone who knows me🎶

Goshiki:Shoyo that is not true you are loved and you are special to me Oikawa San and to everyone you have met you have touched their life you make a big impact on peoples lives more than you realize

Shoyo:🎶I'm a burden, I'm certain The only thing I'm good for is hurtin' the ones I love But the ones I love They really love me The ones I love They truly know me You drag my name @kags It's kinda funny 'Cause my name Makes you lots of money🎶

Kuroo:What?!

Oikawa:You are using my brother for money

Kageyama:I was at the time its been nearly 2 years i though he had let it go and we started befriends

Semi:2 years you mean you did all this while you started second year is that why he transferred to Shiratorizawa in the end

Kageyama:Yeah basically but honestly i thought he was over it

Shoyo:🎶I guess I'm special, special Who the hell are you to say I'm not special? Oh well Got everybody talking in this hell hole I'm the devil Dante wrote me into his inferno Here we go🎶

Yachi:You knew he was senstive you knew you say one thing to hurt him he will burden it like this you fucked up

Shoyo:🎶Again is this what you came for? You paid for? To watch somebody burn and crumble and stumble Then fumble all my words and let you twist them and listen To all the ugly things you tell me I am I'm tryin' So hard to understand how I'm the master manipulator Who couldn't fool anyone The monster reciprocator Shot no bullets from my gun The drama queen who never seems to get applause from anyone I won't be who you say I am🎶

Kiyoko:Wait when he said he was sick he could of meant it mentally as well as literally

Atsumu:Do you want me to check on him i am close by

Osamu: why are you there

Atsumu: to visit Kawa why else you Div now shut Ya trap this is about Sho kun 😤

Semi:Please Atsumu I would check on him myself for Tooru but i can’t get out of study hall yet wven after the bell jist rang btw my ass of a teacher just said the bell doesn't dismiss you I do like do my bfs brother is in trouble cut me some slack

Atsumu: I got you cover Semi San

Shoyo:🎶If I sang a song Would you listen? Or would you tell me I'm terrible? I won't play along This game is twisted But I think that would make me terrible That would make me-🎶

Shoyo went offline

Atsumu enter shoyo and Tooru's House he looked everywhere the last place was his bedroom when he enter and he saw shoyo Surrounded by pills on the floor looking like he wasn’t breathing he called an anblance then got back on the group chat to Goshiki Oikawa Semi and everyone else

Atsumu:Kawa semi Goshiki you might want to come here its not good

Oikawa:What do you mean Tsumu

Kageyama:?!

Semi:Zip it you

Goshiki:Atsumu san!!

Atsumu:H-h-he’s not breathing

Kenma:Funny joke now say sike

Atsumu: ......

Kenma:Atsumu say sike

Atsumu:Sorry kenma

Kageyama:!!!

Noya:If anything happens to him this is your fault

Kageyama:I know

Semii:Me and Tendou are on our way i am currently driving Goshiki is crying in the back of my car

Bokuto:I'm on my way love can you drive me and Keiji and Kenma

Kuroo: of course i can drive you guys

Kei:Kags what have you done

Kageyama:Something stupid clearly and the gulit has been eating me but i didn’t thing what it was doing to him

Osamu:Kawa how is he please

Oikawa:Holding The exact words were he is in a stable but critical condition The amount he took was lethal But not lethal enough to instantly kill

Iwaizumi:That’s good isn’t it

Oikawa:Oh from what I can understand yes but also no like I said the amount he took was lethal not lethal enough to kill but lethal enough to comatose him To the point where they don’t know if you could wake up

Yachi:Oh god

Oikawa:Goshiki has pacing back and forth he is so on edge understandablely Eita ans Satori is some how clam or they are plotting a murder and don't get me started on Kenma kunimi and shirabu they keep Repeating they are going to make a bitch pay

Bokuakakuro:they are not alone

Suga:Okay Shall we go offline Clam down and wait for an update

Everyone:Yeah honestly We need to calm down

Everyone has gone offline