#listen this wasn't supposed to happen

[roguelioness]

no time for the sacred

Fandom: FFXIV Pairing: Alyzen Kaide + Zenos yae Galvus Rating: T (mild violence) Words: 1671

(Read on ao3)

Sleep is a luxury denied to her.

Alyzen paces around the confines of the broken aetheryte in the House of the Fierce, careful not to disturb the many sleeping occupants in the next room. Around her, the night is still and calm, a sharp, stark contrast to the tempest roiling in her chest.

Her muscles still ache from that failed assassination attempt. Her legs wear bruises, each yellow-green patch a symbol of her failure. 

It doesn’t feel like a failure now, not after– Blue eyes that saw through the core of her. Oh, how right I was to spare your life.

Her fingers twitch, curl into her palm as through wrapping around an imaginary hilt. There’s a buzzing beneath her skin, an itching, a rabid–

she exhales angrily, jaw clenched

– a rabid beast in the pit of her stomach and it yearns for violence in this dead of night.

But she can’t feed it. Shouldn’t. She’s the Warrior of Light. She should be–

Lips curled up into a mockery of a smile, gleefully, maliciously delighted. For the rush of blood, for the time between the seconds.

Her feet move before she’s aware, take her to her neatly arranged bedroll. Her weapons, cleaned and polished and ready for use, lie in a soldierly line for her to pick from. Alyzen ignores her bow, ignores her glaives, the entirety of her focus on two wickedly sharp, curved daggers. She’s not very good with them, not yet, but they call to her. She can picture how well Zenos’ throat would fit in the conclave of that blade, and it makes an appealing picture.

For the sole pleasure left to me in this empty, ephemeral world – live!

She nods to the guard by the doorway. “I will be back soon,” she says, “I need some fresh air.”

“Be careful, warrior. There are garlean patrols around.”

“I will,” she promises with a little smile, a bitterness on her tongue at the use of her title and not her name.

A soft breeze flows through the verdant landscape, the scent of star jasmine and honeysuckle heavy in the air. Aly’s still restless as she meanders around without a destination in mind. There are predators in the far distance, Yanxia’s famous rainbow tigers; she could hunt them, but that idea holds little appeal.

No, she wants a fight. She wants that rush - of adrenaline, of blood, of dancing on that razor’s edge of life and death. Distantly, she knows this isn’t a healthy way of thinking – but her veins are clogged with a brutality that must be unleashed; it’s been eating away at her and it will continue to consume her unless she finds an outlet–

The fine hairs on the nape of her neck prickle.

She’s being followed.

Her blood thrills; she is both predator and prey, she is going to– find herself blocked in by a tall, sheer cliff.

Alyzen huffs, a sound of disgust. How many times has Yugiri told her to be more aware of her surroundings?

“It seems you’ve trapped yourself, my beast.”

She stiffens, every muscle so tense there’s every chance she’ll shred a tendon if she moves. Her heart skips a beat, then starts to race, pounding against the cage of her ribs, drumming out a savage rhythm. Turning on her heel – slow, so slow, on hand on the hilt of her blade, the other clenched into a fist – she faces him at last, mouth set in a snarl, teeth bared, looking every inch the beast he thought her as.

Zenos, to her surprise, is not in his armor. He towers over her in a simple shirt and breeches, that massive contraption that held his swords swapped out for a single katana. His broad, imposing frame blocks out the moonlight and casts her in shadow; his gaze is almost a physical burn as they rake over her, leaving crackling embers in their wake.

He will turn her into wildfire, she knows it. Her blood hums with anticipation, the metal of her dagger vibrating with impatience in its sheath.

For a moment, they stare at each other, waiting. She has the disadvantage here, she knows; there’s a wall to her back, and the only way out is through him – if he deigns to permit her departure. But from the pleased curve of his lips, the delight in those cyan eyes, she does not think he will let her go without a fight.

Which suits her just fine. 

She’d like to see him bleed. For Y’shtola. For Yugiri.

For me, a small voice whispers gleefully. I am the only one who can pull crimson from that skin.

He arches a brow. It is a clear invitation, but she doesn’t take it, instead responding with a tilt of her head.

Zenos frowns, and it’s when that perfect brow is marred by furrows that she strikes.

The clash of metal against metal is loud in the silence of the night, and it echoes against the stone walls surrounding them. Alyzen pulls away before the tip of his sword can reach her, dropping to her haunches and slicing upwards in a fluid motion, a grunt falling from her lips as her daggers rip through cloth. When she climbs back to her feet, she’s pleased – in a satisfied, almost possessive way – to find a thin wound across his abdomen, his blood staining the no-longer-pristine tunic.

Zenos touches his fingers to it, examines his blood in the pearlescent light of the moon.

And laughs, delight and mania both prevalent in the sound.

It doesn’t scare Aly. It inflames her blood, makes her want to snarl so she does, a low growl pouring from her throat.

“Good, good,” he praises – it’s so wrong but the sound of his voice rolls through her, soothing those frayed edges of the brute that lurks beneath her skin.

They clash again, over and over. His blade kisses her shoulder, her waist, the back of her thigh. Her dagger caresses his arm, the broad expanse of his back; she tries to return the affection he’d given her shoulder but is thwarted, the edge of her blade meeting the edge of his sword, both metals copiously coated in carmine. The scent of copper is heavy in the space between them; when her gaze meets his, his eyes are so vibrant, so alive, so happy; she can feel his pleasure for it burbles within her.

When he drops his blade from their impasse, she dances out of its swinging arc, and he hums with elation. She twists around, her front to his back, raises her blade to strike. He catches her wrist with his hand, pulls her into his line of sight; his grip is tight, painfully so, his nails digging into the scars left by Nidhogg. She squirms, tries to pull herself out of his hold, but he shushes her, his thumb running over the smooth, raised edge of the scar.

His examination is too intimate, reminding her of that confrontation, reminding her of how hard she’d fought to save Estinien, and how he’d abandoned her without a word. It’s too private, too personal, it’s not meant for him – but he strokes them like they’re a precious thing, like a prized jewel, and it’s infuriating. Alyzen gnashes her teeth at him, tugging with enough force to dislocate her shoulder; Zenos lets go before she can injure herself. The look he gives her is thoughtful, appraising; it’s like he’s seeing into the heart of her and she doesn’t want that – can’t have that – and with a frustrated, strangled yell she launches herself at him, wanting to strike him down for the audacity of being the sole person who can understand the fervor in her flesh– clinging onto him like a burr, she bites down onto his shoulder, blunt teeth cutting through his skin, his blood flooding into her mouth, staining her lips and teeth.

Zenos grunts, drags her off him and flings her against the stone cliff. Alyzen yelps soundlessly as the jagged rockface digs into her, the action having knocked all breath out of her lungs. His blade at her throat – that sharp edge pressed against her skin, so ready, so eager, to draw blood – keeps her still.

She licks her lips, gathering up his blood, and spits it at his feet. “Go ahead,” she taunts. “What are you waiting for?” The rational, cautious part of her mind is screeching in alarm, that provoking him is a terrible idea, that she has obligations and duties to fulfill, that she can’t afford to be so reckless with her life – but that voice recedes into the background when she meets his gaze.

Zenos looks positively enchanted.

Blade still at her throat, he reaches out to grab her hair, twining fingers into her cropped locks to tug her head back. The action pushes her throat into his sword, and she can feel the sting as the edge leaves a cut. He leans in, close, closer, blotting out all light, everything, till she’s surrounded by him. “Not yet,” he murmurs, his breath a kind of almost-kiss. “Soon, but not yet.” The cut- the kiss - from his blade widens as he pulls it away; it will leave a wound that she’ll have to explain to the others, but she doesn’t care, not now. “Endure, my beast.” He steps away from her, stares at his sword - stained with her blood - before smiling and sheathing it, his expression daring her to do something about it; but she’s numb now, the rush of adrenaline receding, her body very aware of these new injuries she will have to tend to.

Zenos turns his back on her. “Prove yourself worthy of the hunt,” he rumbles – whether it’s a demand or a plea, she can’t tell.

He walks away as she stares wordlessly after him. The beast in her veins is quiet.

There’s an uncomfortable knot in her chest.

There’s an even more uncomfortable desire to chase after him.

His blood still lingers on her tongue.

[indihome-suck]

bako do you mind if you. erm. elaborate more on what happened on the Tafakur at your school? that was insane holy shit

It was. Honestly not that crazy, but everyone was freaked out anyways. Oh also I still has the alumni's Instagram account blocked.

So at 7:30pm after Isya and dinner, we were supposed to attend a lecture to end the day. You know how it goes. A lecturer, typically an ustadz, tells you some sad shit about your parents until you cry and pray for them. Yada yada yada you know the drill.

Interestingly, the lecturer happened to be an alumni who also graduated from FH UI. Funnily enough he kept bragging about it at the start of the lecture. Us 10th graders at the time were like "okay is this supposed to be an inspirational lecture or something?" It's not!

It starts light with the parents stuff, with a video of some sad story about a parent and a kid (I remembered it's about a father who's blind.) And then he starts showing the graphic birth video. And then a brain operation video saying how "it's amazing how God makes all this"

The 10th graders were freaked out. Even the OSIS were freaked out. A kid got a panic attack. It was about 9pm and he still haven't stopped the lecture. The OSIS realizing they were running behind schedule told the alumni that he should end the lecture. He refused. Continues the lecture and yells at the OSIS saying how important this will all be when we grow up and how all of us will thank him.

The OSIS thinked fast and sneaked some of us out the lecture hall. The alumni was furious when he realized, and went on a rant about it and yells at everyone in the room. In the end the teachers (who were on a break quite far from the lecture hall) realized what's going on and deescalates the situation. The alumni got yelled at by our most brutal math teacher. Thanks miss math teacher.

[sugaroto]

I've noticed recently that when I talk my friends aren't interested in what I have to say so I will shut up forever now

[swordmaid]

finally gave yves her own dream guardian (since I was just using shri’iia lol) his name is wren…. they were childhood besties and I hc he’s the one who convinced her to split dye her hair 🫶

[thecodeveronica]

"this is just gonna be short, shorter than the last one" I said

"it was SUPPOSED TO BE SHORT" I scream, descending into madness as I'm still not done but want this done by Tuesday

[arialerendeair]

That moment where you definitely emotionally compromise yourself writing and know that it’s going to destroy everyone else.

MY HEART. 

[radioactive-cloud]

those past few days are really testing my patience with some of the takes and opinions i've seen on the internet and i'm so fucking done with all of this i just want to delete all my accounts from everywhere and live somewhere in the woods (as far away from russia as i can) and to never come in contact with another human being again

[purrincess-chat]

Cat, how goes TotK?

I've adopted the motto, "it's not stupid if it works." 😏😏

[2pen2wildfire]

A very annoying interaction that I have quite often is that my family will be having a conversation and use incorrect terminology about a people group they don't belong to, and my online ass will politely correct them. They'll then debate me about it as if I made up the words myself instead of gaining information from the people group in question, and when I pull out my phone to google the correct terminology (and inevitably google agrees with me), they'll brush it off with "well we always said [incorrect thing] back in the 90s, that's clearly a very new word", with the implication that I'm stupid and overly sensitive and I should just let them say what they want. Like. I thought you were open to learning.

[saturdays--sun]

💕 for your drrr insert!

MAN WHERE DO I START

she's so. she's really just the whole package. she does arson. she carries a knife around. she's been in multiple gangs. she spends all her time watching anime and playing video games. she writes self ship fanfiction. she's got a skewed moral compass. she's a tsundere. she has horrible trauma. everyone in ikebukuro desires her carnally. /j

she's so funny because every time you think you've got a grasp on who she is as a person, you realize that you don't — but you do, but you also don't at all. on the surface, she just seems like some kind of weirdo nerd who prefers fictional worlds to the real one — which is true; but then you realize it's because, on top of just being a hobby, that was how she coped with every bad thing the real world forced onto her. and then you realize she's Been Through It™, so you think she's anxious and scared of the world, but that can't be further from the truth — she's a little codependent maybe (though, is it really considered codependency if it's more so the notion of "i've been with this person for damn near a decade, so no kidding i'd be utterly lost if he suddenly disappeared"?), and she still gets scared of things, but she's pointedly unfazed by things she probably really should be fazed by. like that one incident — you know the one; the one with the kidnapping. that one fucked her up — she still, every now and then, has nightmares about that night — but she can still look the guy who did that in the face and mouth off to him without so much as breaking a sweat.

but she's also just... so tragic. she's better now — it's easier to bury now; easier to act like herself again — but there's still so much genuine sadness lingering just below her surface. the seemingly endless amount of fanfics she writes about her and whatever 2D man she's currently into might just seem like a weird hobby at first — and it is — but it's also the only way she can really allow herself to even be loved in the first place. for as much as she thinks about it — hell, for even as much as she's surrounded by it — the concept of a real, tangible love scares her. so she avoids it — denies it in herself; denies it when it's looking her in the face; avoids it at every turn; convinces herself that it doesn't exist at all. if she ignores it, she doesn't have to face it. if she tells herself the person hitting on her isn't serious, then she doesn't have to be, either. if she convinces herself that she's too broken to ever be loved, then being alone won't hurt as much.

but it does hurt — but if she pretends it doesn't, maybe she'll be able to handle it for a little bit longer.

[magentagalaxies]

one of these days i need to make a kids in the hall iceberg based on all the increasingly obscure side projects/behind-the-scenes info i've acquired over the past few months

[angieschiffahoi]

i would absolutely appreciate nice heterosexual macho men in media if they weren't put there for the sole purpose of being a love interest for one or more of the main characters

[fairweathermyth]

Favorite records of 2022, presented in the vaguest of order:

The Beths - Expert in a Dying Field

Hurray for the Riff Raff - LIFE ON EARTH

Orville Peck - Bronco

Mattiel - Georgia Gothic

Plains - I Walked with You a Ways

Kevin Morby - This Is a Photograph

Gang of Youths - angel in realtime.

Big Thief - Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe In You

The Ballroom Thieves - Clouds

Heavy Gus - Notions

Hermanos Gutiérrez - Hijos del Sol

Mitski - Laurel Hell

Spoon - Lucifer On the Sofa

Why Bonnie - 90 In November

Bonny Light Horseman - Rolling Golden Holy 

Tank and the Bangas - Red Balloon

Ezra Furman - All of Us Flames 

Gabriella Cohen - Blue No More

Rayland Baxter - If I Were A Butterfly

The Linda Lindas - Growing Up

[e-the-village-cryptid]

if I had a nickel for every time someone walked within 4 feet of me sitting incredibly obviously in plain view and did not notice me there until I made them aware of my presence at which point they were hugely startled I would have almost a dollar now which is pretty fucken weird guys what is going on

[maddy-ferguson]

i love that the last people heard the leftist coalition won the french legislative elections so they think we have a leftist government now lol