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XO,I'm Yours
pairing: Jungwon x fem! Reader
genre: XO, Kitty au
synopsis: Having a massive crush on Jungwon is tough. Every time heâs around, your brain malfunctions, and instead of acting normal, you⊠avoid him. Heâs calm, chill, and entirely out of your league (at least, thatâs what you tell yourself). Enter Kitty, the matchmaker, determined to make things happen. With her âhelp,â you find yourself in the most awkward yet heart-racing moments with Jungwon.
The worst part? Jungwon is noticing you now. And itâs making everything so much more complicated. But maybe⊠Kittyâs plan wasnât so bad after all.
author's note: This was requested by @firstclassjaylee . Thank you for this idea!!! Please let me know the pronouns for the og XO Kitty characters! I wasnât sure, so if I got them wrong, Iâd happily change them immediately. Apologies in advance for not being able to mention all the characters. Happy reading!
caution: This fic contains extreme secondhand embarrassment and an excessive amount of Jungwon-induced butterflies. Read at your own risk!
permanent tag list: @sol3chu @chlorinecake @13tter @jung1w0n
The plan was simple. Avoid Jungwon at all costs.
It wasnât that he was mean. That was the problem. Jungwon was nice. The kind of nice that made your stomach do flips and made you feel like an idiot for getting so flustered over someone just existing. So, instead of embarrassing yourself, you settled for admiring him from afar. No eye contact. No unnecessary conversations. Easy.
At least, it was easy...until Kitty found out.
âYou have a massive crush on him,â Kitty said one afternoon with her arms crossed.
âNo, I donât.â You knew lying was pointless, but still, you had to try.
Kitty gave you a look. âYou walked into a door last week because he was standing near it.â
Your face burned. âThat was an accident.â
âSure,â she said unimpressed. âLook, lucky for you, I happen to be amazing at matchmaking. And I happen to have a plan.â
You blinked. âA plan?â
âStep one: Stop avoiding him.â
You immediately shook your head. âAbsolutely not.â
âToo bad because I already started.â
Your stomach dropped. âKitty. What did you do?â
She just grinned. âYouâll see.â
And just like that, your quiet little crush? It was about to become very complicated.
đ
You should have known Kitty wouldnât waste any time. The very next day, you find yourself in an unavoidable situation.
It started in the Library. You had just settled in your usual corner, buried in a book, when Kitty slid into the seat across from you.
âWhat are youââ
âShh.â She put a finger to her lips. âJust act natural.â
Thatâs when you saw him.
Jungwon.
He was scanning the shelves a few feet away, oblivious to how your entire body tensed at seeing him. Your brain screamed at you to run, but before you could, Kitty leaned in and whispered, âI told him you needed help with your econ homework.â
Your eyes widened in horror. âYou did what?â
And right on cue, Jungwon turned, eyes landing on you.
âHey,â he said as he was walking over.
Kitty beamed. âPerfect timing! She was saying how sheâs completely lost in econ.â
You snapped your head toward her. Liar. You were literally top of the class.
Jungwon pulled out the chair beside you and sat down without hesitation. âI can help.â
You swallowed. Oh no.
Kittyâs grin was way too smug. âGreat! Iâll leave you two to it.â Then, before you could protest, she was gone.
Leaving you. Alone. With Jungwon.
You looked down at your phone, noticing a message from Kitty
âYouâre welcome ;)ââ
đ
You tried to focus on Jungwon's explanation for the first few minutes. Really, you did.
But how were you supposed to concentrate when he was sitting this close?
He leaned over the table, pointing at your textbook, his voice steady as he explained some economic theory. You nodded along, pretending to listen, but in reality, your brain was short-circuiting.
âDoes that make sense?â he asked, turning to look at you.
You blinked. âHuh?â
He raised an eyebrow. âYou werenât listening, were you?â
Your face heated. âI was! Kind of. Maybe.â
He chuckled and shook his head. âYouâre bad at lying.â
You groaned, then covered your face. âThis is embarrassing.â
âWhy?â He tilted his head. âItâs just me.â
Exactly.
It was just him. Just Jungwon, who you had spent months avoiding because he made you feel like a walking disaster. But he didnât seem to mind. In fact, he seemed amused.
âI donât bite, you know,â he said. âYou donât have to be scared of me.â
âIâm not scared of you,â you blurted out.
He smirked. âSo youâve just been avoiding me for fun?â
You clamped your mouth shut.
Jungwon leaned back in his chair, watching you with a knowing look. âHuh.â
You frowned. âWhat?â
âNothing.â His smirk deepened. âYouâre interesting.â
Your stomach did a backflip.
Oh, you were so doomed.
Later that night, Kitty found you in your dorm room, looking too pleased with herself.
âSo?â she asked, flopping onto your bed. âHow did it go?â
You groaned. âI made a fool of myself.â
Kitty laughed. âDefine âfool.ââ
âI blanked out. He caught me staring. I admitted to avoiding him. And he called me interesting.â
Her eyes widened. âWait. He called you interesting?â
You nodded miserably.
Kitty squealed. âThatâs huge!â
You frowned. âHow is that huge?â
âBecause Jungwon doesnât just call people interesting, my dear hopeless friend. You caught his attention.â
Your heart skipped a beat. âYou think?â
âI know.â Kitty grinned. âAnd trust me, this is only the beginning.â
You groaned again, flopping face-first onto your pillow.
Kitty just laughed.
After all, the matchmaking had only just begun.
đ
âOkay,â Kitty clapped her hands, grinning as she stared at you. âTodayâs the day we level you up.â
You blinked and were confused. âLevel me up?â
âYes! You like Jungwon, but you get all shy and awkward around him,â she pointed out. âSo, if you want him to notice you, we must work on your confidence.â
You groaned, already feeling embarrassed. âKitty, this is so unnecessary.â
Kitty ignored you and stepped forward. âFirst lesson: Posture! Stand straight, shoulders back. Confidence comes from the way you carry yourself.â
You hesitated before adjusting yourself, trying to mimic the way she stood. âLike this?â
Kitty nodded. âGood. Now, when you see Jungwon, donât look away all nervous. Hold eye contact. Make him feel like heâs the only person in the room.â
You gulped. âThe only person in the room? Kitty, I canât even look at him for three seconds without feeling like Iâm about to pass out.â
She rolled her eyes. âThatâs exactly why weâre practicing! Here, pretend Iâm Jungwon.â
You stared at her. âKitty, this is weird.â
âDo it!â she urged.
Taking a deep breath, you slowly raised your head, looking her in the eyes. You managed to hold it for two seconds before covering your face. âNope. I canât do this.â
Kitty groaned dramatically. âOkay, letâs try something else. Flirting! Sometimes, a little playful teasing can go a long way.â
You hesitated. âLike⊠what kind of teasing?â
Kitty smirked. âTry complimenting him, but make it sound casual. Like, âWow, Jungwon, you look so good today.ââ
You cringed. âThat doesnât sound casual at all.â
âItâs all about the tone!â Kitty explained. âSay it naturally, like youâre just making an observation.â
You sighed and cleared your throat, trying to sound confident. âWow, Jungwon, you look so good today.â
Kitty immediately burst into laughter. âWhy do you sound like a robot?â
You groaned and covered your face again. âI told you Iâm bad at this!â
She patted your shoulder. âOkay, okay. Letâs try something easierâŠOh! What about smiling? When you see him, could you give him a little smile? Not too big, not too small. Just a hint of a smile.â
You nodded and tried it. Kitty examined you for a second before shaking her head. âNo. That looks scary.â
âKitty!!â
âOkay, okay! Letâs justâoh wait, Jungwonâs coming!â Kitty suddenly grabbed your shoulders.
Your eyes widened in pure panic. âWHAT?!â
âRelax! Just do what we practiced!â she whispered urgently.
Jungwon walked past, glancing at the two of you. You froze utterly, your mind going blank. Then, at the last second, you remembered Kittyâs advice. You quickly straightened your posture and gave him a small smile⊠except you accidentally bared your teeth like an awkward grimace instead of a confident smile.
Jungwon slowed down slightly, his brows furrowing. âUh⊠are you okay?â
ââPfftââ Kitty covered her mouth, trying not to laugh.
You, wholly mortified, quickly turned away. âYes! Totally fine! Just⊠stretching my face!â
Jungwon blinked, clearly confused, before nodding slowly and walking off.
The moment he was out of sight, you groaned, burying your face in your hands. âKitty, I hate this.â
Kitty finally burst out laughing. âOkay, maybe that wasnât your best moment, but hey! At least you tried!â
âI just embarrassed myself,â you muttered.
Kitty grinned. âRelax. Slow and steady wins the race. Youâll get there.â
You sighed, not entirely convinced, but Kittyâs encouragement made you feel slightly better. Maybe with timeâand much more practiceâyouâd finally get the confidence you needed.
âŠHopefully, before you died of embarrassment first.
đ
After your absolute disaster of a confidence practice session with Kitty, you decided there was only one solution.
Avoid Jungwon.
At all costs.
Your already massive crush on him had now turned into full-blown mortification. Every time you so much as thought about how you awkwardly bared your teeth at him, you wanted to disappear into the earth. So, naturally, when you spotted Jungwon walking down the hallway, you did what any logical person would do.
You grabbed the nearest person and used them as a human shield.
âMinho,â you hissed, ducking behind his tall frame.
Minho barely flinched while sipping on his collagen water. âOi, whatâs this then?â he drawled,
You gripped his shoulders. âI need to hide.â
Minho sighed, already used to your antics. âLemme guessâJungwon?â
You nodded frantically.
Minho shook his head but didnât move. âYou know, mate, you canât keep running forever.â
âYes, I can,â you whispered.
Unfortunately, fate had other plans.
âMinho,â Jungwonâs voice suddenly called out, catching your breath.
You peeked over Minhoâs shoulder just in time to see Jungwon stopping before him, looking too good for your heart to handle.
Minho, unfazed, nodded in greeting. âAye, mate. Whatâs up?â
Jungwon started talking to Minho about something you were too distracted to process. Because while he was addressing Minho, his eyes kept peeking over Minhoâs shoulderâstraight at you.
You immediately shrank further behind Minho.
Jungwonâs lips twitched slightly. âHey,â he said, this time directed at you.
Your brain is short-circuited. Oh no. Heâs talking to me. Abort mission. Abort mission.
Minho, ever the instigator, casually stepped to the side, exposing you completely.
You had no choice but to face Jungwon. âH-Hi,â you managed weakly.
Jungwon tilted his head slightly. âAre you hiding from me?â
âWhat? No! Pfft, thatâs crazy,â you blurted out and laughed nervously.
Minho smirked and sipped his collagen water. âYeah, mate, totally crazy.â
You kicked the back of Minhoâs shoe.
Jungwon didnât look entirely convinced but let it slide. âAlright,â he said before flicking his gaze back to Minho.
You thought you were in the clearâuntil you noticed that Jungwon kept glancing at you even as he continued his conversation with Minho. Every few seconds, his eyes would shift back to you.
It was subtle, but it was enough to make your stomach flip.
Then, as Minho made some joke in his relaxed drawl, Jungwon suddenly interrupted, his eyes locking on yours. âYou donât have to hide, you know,â he said softly.
Your heart stopped.
After thoroughly enjoying the situation, Minho took a long sip of his drink. âOi, look at that, would ya? Some real tension here.â
You kicked him again.
Jungwon only smiled slightly before looking away as if he hadnât just destroyed your ability to function.
And just like that, your plan to avoid him had backfired entirely.
You were so doomed.
đ
The sound of typing and the flick of pages turning was the soundtrack of your days lately. You had been buried in textbooks for what felt like forever. The stress had accumulated, leaving you exhausted. Your face was pale, and dark bags were under your eyes from the sleepless nights, but you couldnât stop. You had to push through. A vast project was coming up, and you couldnât afford to fail.
You propped your head up with one hand, barely able to keep your eyes open as you glanced over your notes. The words blurred, your mind already foggy from overworking. Before you knew it, your head dropped onto the table with a soft thud.
âUghâŠ,â you mumbled as you fought to stay awake.
The door creaked open, and you heard the familiar sound of footsteps entering. Kittyâs voice followed soon after. âHey, are you still at it?â
Jungwonâs calm tone responded, âSheâs been studying for hours now. I donât think sheâs taking breaks.â
You groaned, too tired to even lift your head. The sounds of them approaching grew closer until you felt the soft pressure of someone standing beside you. You sighed and tried to sit up, but the weight of your exhaustion made it hard.
As you lifted your head, you saw Kittyâs shocked expression first. She gasped, her hand coming up to her mouth. âOh my gosh! You look like you havenât slept in days! Your face⊠itâsââ
You blinked slowly, too tired to defend yourself. âIâm fine,â you mumbled, attempting to give a smile, but it came out weak and crooked.
Kittyâs eyes softened with concern. âYou need to take a break. Look at those bags under your eyes. Are you even eating right?â
Before you could reply, you heard Jungwonâs voice. âThereâs nothing wrong with your face,â he said unbothered. He bent down to your level. âYouâre still pretty, even with all that stress.â
The compliment caught you off guard. You couldnât help but blush despite how exhausted you were. âW-well, thank youâŠâ you stammered, a little embarrassed.
Kitty rolled her eyes playfully. âSee, Jungwon knows what to say! But seriously, you need to rest.â She crossed her arms, and her frown replaced her concern. âThis is way too much. Youâre going to burn yourself out at this rate.â
Jungwon nodded slightly. âKittyâs right. You wonât get far if you canât even stay awake.â
You sighed, both too tired and too embarrassed to argue. âI⊠I need to finish this.â
Kitty leaned closer and whispered as if sharing a secret, âHow about I help you get this done faster? You can relax, and Iâll take care of the rest.â
You blinked slowly, still too drained to think straight. âAre you sure?â
She smirked. âDonât worry, Iâve got this. You need to close your eyes for a bit.â
Jungwon shot you a small and reassuring smile. âTake a break, okay? You donât want to make yourself sick over this.â
You hesitated momentarily before nodding, grateful for their support even if you still felt guilty. You slid down in your chair, resting your head against the backrest and briefly closing your eyes.
Kitty moved to your side, pulling out her phone to check her messages. Jungwon stayed silent nearby, giving you an almost protective glance as you rested.
âGood. Now, take a nap. No more studying for the rest of the day,â Kitty said with a smile as she gave you the space to rest.
You breathed a sigh of relief and closed your eyes, hoping the rest would help ease the weight of the world youâd been carrying.
đ
You sat quietly on a chair, Minho beside you, applying your skincare. He had been your skincare mentor for a while, helping you with all the little tricks you needed. âAlright, make sure you really press it in,â Minho said, gently patting the moisturizer into your skin.
âI donât know if Iâll ever do it as well as you,â you murmured. âBut thanks for teaching me.â
Minho smiled. âOf course. Youâre a fast learner,â he said, dabbing the cream across your cheek. âMaybe you should start your skincare vlog or something.â
You chuckled softly, âIâd probably mess it up on camera.â
Minho shook his head and let out a grin. âYouâd be perfect. Trust me.â
You both laughed; the room felt safe. There was no pressure, no expectations, just good company. Then the door creaked open, and you looked up. Jungwon stepped in, looking casual, but something about his presence made the atmosphere feel differentâŠtense, almost.
Minho waved at him, still oblivious to the sudden shift. âHey, Jungwon! Just helping out with her skincare. You should join us.â
You froze for a moment, catching Jungwonâs eyes. Your heart skipped a beat, but you quickly looked away, too shy to hold his eyes for long.
Jungwonâs lips twitched in an almost a frown. âIâm good,â he said; his eyes were focused on you and Minho, how you both were laughing and talking comfortably.
Minho, clearly unaware of the undercurrent between the three of you, laughed again. âYou sure? I think Iâm pretty much a skincare pro now.â He gently patted your cheek again, and you couldnât help but laugh softly.
You noticed Jungwon kept looking at your face, then back to Minhoâs hand. There was a slight tension in his posture now. His arms were still crossed, and his eyes had narrowed just a little. âI think sheâs got it covered,â Jungwonâs voice a little colder. âYouâre always helping her with something.â
You looked down, trying to avoid his gaze as his words were uncomfortably in the air. Your heart beat faster than usual, and you were too shy to respond. Why was it that whenever Jungwon was around, you lost all ability to act normal?
Minho didnât seem to notice anything wrong. âWhat can I say? Iâm just a helpful guy,â he replied with a wink.
Jungwonâs eyes flickered between the two of you. He uncrossed his arms and took a step closer. âWell, maybe she doesnât need that much help,â he said, a little irritated. His tone wasnât even harsh.
You flinched slightly, but you didnât say anything. You just sat there, hoping the ground would swallow you whole.
Minho noticed the shift. âOkay, okay, Iâll stop making her feel like a project,â he teased, though it was clear he was a little confused by Jungwonâs sudden change in attitude. âI was just trying to be helpful.â
You bit your lip, feeling the awkward silence settle over the room. Jungwon didnât respond immediately; they just looked at you for a beat longer than necessary. Then he exhaled and glanced at the door. âYou should probably get some rest,â Jungwon said softer now. âItâs late.â
You nodded quickly. Unsure of what to say. âRight, Iâllâuh, Iâll head to bed.â
Minho, still oblivious, smiled. âGet some sleep. Weâll finish up tomorrow.â
You nodded again, glancing briefly at Jungwon as you left. Jungwonâs voice stopped you before you could walk out. âYouâre⊠youâre fine, right?â
The question caught you off guard. You hesitated. âIâm fine,â you replied quietly while avoiding his gaze.
He nodded, then gave you an unreadable smile. âOkay,â he said before turning back to Minho.
You walked out of the room quickly,
Was that⊠jealousy?
Thatâs impossible.
đ
âYou have to wear this,â Kitty declared, holding up a dress that made your stomach tense.
âKitty, no.â
âKitty, yes.â
You glared at her through the mirror, but she just grinned as she shoved the outfit into your hands. âTrust me,â she said. âJungwon wonât be able to take his eyes off you.â
You swallowed hard at the thought. Jungwon. Seeing you. In this.
It wasnât like you hadnât dressed up before, but this outfit felt⊠different. More intentional. It's more like you were trying to get his attention.
Which, okay, you were, but stillâ
Kitty snapped her fingers in front of your face. âNo overthinking! Just wear it. Come on, itâs a party! Youâre supposed to look hot.â
You groaned but ultimately let her win (not that you ever had a choice).
By the time you were ready, you were nervous to the point that you needed to go to the restroom for a second. Your reflection in the mirror was almost unrecognizable. Kitty had curled your hair and given you subtle but effective makeup; the outfit made you feel⊠good.
âYou look amazing,â Kitty whispered and squeezed your shoulders. âNow go show Jungwon what heâs missing.â
You rolled your eyes but smiled. You felt a little bit braver as you followed her out.
The party was in full swing by the time you arrived. You werenât even inside for a full minute before you felt the weight of someoneâs eyes on you.
And when you turnedâ
There he was.
Jungwon.
Standing across the room, eyes locked on you with a similar unreadable expression on his face. For a moment, neither of you moved. The world around you blurred, and all you could focus on was how his eyes slowly traveled over you before he looked away.
Kitty, standing beside you, definitely noticed.
âOh,â she whispered and nudged you with her elbow. âHe so noticed.â
You felt your face heat up.
Jungwon, however, had turned away, disappearing into the crowd before you could react.
The party was energetic, but you barely registered anything. Kitty had practically forced you into this dress, hyping you up, fixing your hair, and making you promise you wouldnât shrink away if Jungwon talked to you.
But here he wasâtalking to youâand you were about two seconds from running.
âYou look different.â
You looked up at him with your fingers gripping your cup tighter.
âWhat?â
His gaze was enough to make you feel self-conscious.
âYou donât usually dress like this,â he said.
You swallowed. âOh. Yeah. Kittyââ
âMakes sense.â
Your brows furrowed. âWhat does that mean?â
Jungwon took a sip of his drink and then met your gaze again.
âIt means you look pretty.â
If that makes sense, your brain wholly short-circuited, and you felt like your stomach was twisting again.
You needed to escape.
But the second you tried to move, a gentle hand wrapped around your wrist.
âDonât run away,â Jungwon said softly.
You froze.
His grip wasnât tight or forcefulâjust enough to hold you there, to make you look at him.
âYou always do that,â he murmured.
Your throat went dry.
Jungwon tilted his head slightly, âYouâre always avoiding me,â he continued, âbut then youâre always looking.â
Your breath hitched.
Jungwon let out a chuckle. Then, most casually, like he wasnât wholly messing with your heart, he saidâ
âYou donât have to run. I donât mind if you stay.â
You werenât used to thisâat least not with him.
âHey,â Jungwonâs voice was quiet, âI didnât mean to make you uncomfortable. I wanted to make sure you were okay.â
You were processing his words slowly. You had been avoiding him for so long, not because you didnât like him, but because the thought of being close to him made your heart skip beats. And now, here he was, standing so close,
âIâm okay,â you mumbled, shifting your gaze anywhere but him. The more you looked at him, the more your stomach flipped.
Jungwonâs hand fell to his side. He gave you a little space, but not enough to make you feel like he was giving up. You could tell that he wasnât the type to give up easily. âI didnât mean to crowd you,â he continued, understanding. âI⊠wanted to hang out, yâknow?â
You nodded slowly, still unsure how to move past the awkward tension that had settled between you two. It was strange, feeling so seen yet so exposed. âOkay.â You took a deep breath. âI⊠Iâm not good with all of this yet.â
Jungwon smiled at that. He didnât push, didnât pressure. Instead, he took a small step back, keeping a respectful distance but maintaining that comforting presence. âI get it,â he said. âBut if you ever want to talk or hang out, Iâm here. No rush.â He let the words hang in the air. He is willing to wait until you are ready.
You finally allowed your eyes to meet his, âThanks,â you whispered, feeling a warmth in your chest that wasnât just from the proximity but from the simple kindness he showed you. He wasnât asking for more than your comfort, making everything more manageable.
âYou know,â Jungwon added, âyou donât have to hide behind Minho all the time.â
You stiffened at that, but he didnât look at you teasingly. He was stating a fact.
Your heart fluttered.
âWell, heâs taller than me,â you mumbled, trying to brush off the awkwardness.
Jungwon chuckled.
And for once, the thought of being close to Jungwon didnât make your heart race in fear. It made it race in something else.
Something a little more hopeful.
đ
The group had decided to take a little break from basically everything that happened, and everyone was now scattered across the dormâs common area. Kitty and Minho were sitting on the couch, though something was different. Minho had his arm casually draped over the back of the sofa, and Kitty leaned slightly toward him, her attention entirely on whatever they were discussing.
You couldnât help but watch, caught up in the dynamic between them. It was so apparent that they were getting close. Too close, really. You glanced at them for a few seconds longer than you probably should have, a little uncomfortable with how natural they looked together, especially considering the little tension between them.
You shook your head and sighed. âThose two should just get together already,â you muttered. âItâs painful to watch.â You didnât even realize you had said it aloud until Jungwon, standing nearby, chuckled softly.
âYou seem to be invested in their situation. â
You froze and blushed immediately. âWhat? No! Iââ You stammered. âItâs awkward, you know? With everything going on with Yuri and all that. Itâd be easier if they just figured it out.â
Jungwon raised an eyebrow. âYou sure? Sounds like youâre a little too invested,â his smirk growing.
You looked away quickly. âIâm not. I think⊠itâs obvious, donât you think?â
Jungwon leaned back. âHm. Interesting. You know, Kitty might take that as a challenge. She likes playing matchmaker.â He paused, glancing at the two on the couch before returning to you. âBut then again, maybe itâs you who should be matched with someone.â
Your heart skipped a beat, and you shot a look at him, trying to keep your cool. âWhat are you talking about?â You werenât sure if you were ready for whatever joke or comment he was about to make.
With a shrug. âI donât know⊠Itâd be painful to watch you and me, right?â
You were trying to make sense of his words. Was he joking? Was he serious?
Before you could respond, Jungwon gave you a playful smile. âWell, maybe not. Weâre not so bad, right?â His eyes seemed to challenge you to call him out on it.
You couldnât stop the nervous laugh that escaped your lips. âI⊠I donât know what you mean,â you said quickly. Your thoughts felt muddled, and your stomach flipped in a way you werenât quite ready to admit.
Jungwon leaned closer just a little. âItâs fine. Donât worry about it. Iâm sure youâll figure out whatâs happening between you and⊠well, someone, someday.â
The way he said that last part made your heart flutter, and before you could think too much about it, you quickly stood up, awkwardly brushing past him to talk to Dae. You couldnât handle being near him anymore, not with his strange comment.
đ
It had been one of those nights where everything felt like it was building up to something. The group had decided to sneak out, and of course, Kitty had the whole thing planned out. Again. She was determined to get you and Jungwon alone for a little confession moment, even if it meant dragging everyone else into a mini adventure. The plan was simple: sneak out to the park for a midnight stroll.
The group managed to sneak out without much trouble, or so they thought. Kitty was already ahead, while Minho, Q, Dae, and Yuri followed, all too eager to escape their studies. You padded behind them. But suddenly, just as you were about to turn the corner toward the door, you heard footsteps approaching from the hallway.
âSomeoneâs coming!â you hissed and panic started rising in your chest. You froze, unsure of what to do, until a pair of warm hands quickly grabbed you from behind, pulling you into the nearest room and closing the door softly.
You looked up to see Jungwon standing there. His gaze was serious momentarily before it softened into that usual mischievous smile. âClose call,â he whispered.
You sighed in relief but your heart was still pounding from the adrenaline. âI didnât think it would be this hard to sneak out,â you muttered.
Jungwon stepped closer, and the space between you grew smaller. âKitty really knows how to get us into trouble, doesnât she?â he smiled gently.
You laughed nervously. âSheâs persistent, Iâll give her that. I donât know how she does it.â You couldnât help but glance down. âI should probablyââ you began to mumble but Jungwon interrupted you
âYou donât have to run away this time,â he murmured and you felt his thumb gently brushing your cheek. âYou can stay with me.â
Your heart skipped a beat at the words, and before you could even process their whole meaning, Jungwon leaned in, his lips brushing against yours in the softest, most gentle kiss youâd ever experienced. The world seemed to stop for a moment.
You stood there, frozen, your eyes wide in shock as Jungwon pulled back slightly, but only enough to look at you with a tender look, âYou were going to say something, right?â Jungwon whispered
You were unable to form words. You couldnât find anything to say except for the obvious truth that had been sitting in your chest for so long. âI⊠Iâve liked you for a while,â you finally admitted in a whisper. âI didnât know how to say it. I didnât think youâd⊠feel the same.â
Jungwon smiled and leaned his forehead against yours. âI feel the same,â he said softly. âIâve been trying to find the right moment to tell you⊠but I guess this is as good a time as any.â
You smiled as you leaned into him, both chuckling in silence. For the first time, it felt like the weight had been lifted, and everything had finally fallen into place.
đ
The next day, you and Jungwon walked through campus hand in hand. You didnât care about the curious glances or whispers around you. Everything felt so natural now. Jungwonâs thumb gently brushed against your hand, and you couldnât help but smile at the small but significant change in your relationship.
As you turned the corner, you spotted Kitty and Q sitting at their usual spot by the fountain. They looked up at you two simultaneously, eyes widening in shock as they saw your hands intertwined. Kittyâs face immediately broke into a smile, while Qâs jaw dropped slightly. âOh my god!â Kitty squealed with her voice a few octaves higher than usual as she stood up quickly. âItâs official! You two areâ?â
You giggled and nodded. âYep, itâs real. Took us a while, but we finally figured it out.â
Q was still in shock and blinked a few times before recovering. âWait, is this the part where you two act all coy about it?â he teased.
Jungwon chuckled and shrugged slightly as he looked down at you with an affectionate gaze. âGuess so,â he said casually. âBut it feels good. Finally.â
Kitty, her excitement never waning, jumped up and clapped her hands together. âI knew it! I knew you two would be perfect for each other. I mean, come on, how could you not be?â
You smiled as you felt a little shy under all their attention. âYeah, well, itâs thanks to Kitty here,â you said, turning toward her with a grateful look. âShe practically forced us to get our act together.â
Kitty just shrugged. âHey, someone had to step in. You two were taking forever.â
You then decided to have a little fun with Q. Turning to him with a smirk; you said, âOh, and by the way, Q, now that weâre all on the same page⊠maybe itâs time you and Jin finally get together.â
Kitty gasped, and Qâs face immediately turned beet red. âIâwhat? No! Thatâsâno!â he sputtered
Jungwon raised an eyebrow. âYou know, Iâve noticed that too. You and Jin make a good pair,â he said honestly.
Q looked like he was about to explode, âI hate him!â he said. âYou better not tell Jin I said that.â
You chuckled at his reaction. âOh, donât worry. We wonât say a thing⊠for now.â
Still practically bouncing with excitement, Kitty turned to Jungwon with a warm smile. âOkay, Iâll take the credit for this one,â she said with a wink. âBut Iâm happy you two finally figured it out.â
Jungwon gave Kitty a genuine look, squeezing your hand as he thanked her. âHonestly, thank you, Kitty. You really did help us get here.â
Kittyâs face softened and she laughed lightly. âOf course! Iâm just happy to see you two so happy together.â
At that moment, everything felt perfect. You were with Jungwon and were surrounded by friends who were happy for you. It felt like the start of something new and beautiful, and you couldnât help but feel grateful for everything that had led up to this moment. âAlright, alright,â you said, leaning into Jungwon as you all settled back down to enjoy the rest of the day. âLetâs just say that Kittyâs matchmaking skills are unmatched.â
Kitty shot you a wink. âTold you.â
And for the first time in a long time, you felt like everything was finally falling into place.
#enha jungwon#enhypen fanfics#enhypen ff#enhypen imagines#enhypen scenarios#jungwon x reader#jungwon ff#jungwon x y/n#enhypen jungwon#enhypen x female reader#yang jungwon x you#yang jungwon x reader#yang jungwon x y/n#jungwon x you#jungwon imagines#jungwon scenarios#reader x jungwon#yang jungwon#enhypen x you#enhypen x reader#enhypen fluff#enha x reader#jungwon#jungwon enha#jungwon enhypen#jungwon fluff#yang jungwon fluff#yang jungwon angst#jungwon angst#jungwon fanfic
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For Better Or For Worse - Noah Sebastian
Beside You Pt. 2
Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Reader
CW: more angst<3
Word Count: 1.2k
Authorâs Note: ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ
Tags: @theanarchymuse95 @dontwantthemoney @chey-h @badomensgoodomens @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @enemiestolovershoe @blade-dressed-in-red @xmads-omensx @alwaysfightforwhoyouare @thatchickwiththecamera @tosoundlessdarkistare
Y/N
Itâs been about three years since that day, give or take. All I know is that time has passed and Iâve lost track. Things have changed, yet stayed the exact same. The pain has eased with time, but the love has yet to die. Iâm still living in the old house, just changing as much of the interior as I could without feeling like Iâve lost too much. Because what else will be left when the hurt is gone? I now have a bed and sheets that have never touched his skin. A couch that didnât home one or more of the boys in a time of need. The sad yellowing walls are now a light grey, with no sign of smoke stains or holes from bad decisions. Even Iâve changed. My hair is different, Iâve retired piercings, gotten new tattoos, and even changed my style. Things were different. Yet everytime I glanced into a room, I could see the memories replaying in my head like an old movie. Everytime I see the unclosed hole of my lip piercing, Iâm reminded of Noah joining me for a last minute, impulsive decision. Everyday, I debate covering the tattoo that we got together when Nick started apprenticing, but then I see a photo of him on stage, singing with his arm raised, and I see that he still has his too.Â
Heâs changed too. Not to the point of losing recognition, but enough that I can tell heâs getting healthier out there. His voice has grown, his hair is shorter and choppy, and heâs fit into himself better than he ever has before. I donât mean to look at pictures of him and the boys, but I could never unfollow their accounts. I could never pretend that my love died that day like they have. Itâs an internal battle everytime I see him, debating if him leaving me behind was really what he needed to do.
But I know it wasnât. Because in the days where I really miss him and really want to feel the grief of the past, I listen to their new music. Itâs not hard to understand where the lyrics come from. Iâve known Noah for too long to ignore how he portrays his emotion through his music. But what I donât understand is why. Why sing of regret? Why put yourself through all of this pain and misery when we could have lived a different way? Every time his voice rings through my home, all I can ask is would you have been there when I came home? Could you not have held on to another day, just for us to be together? I could have easily joined you in your journey, nothing else more important to me than you, so why make the decision for me? Especially when all it resulted in was the two of us living in regret?Â
His regret being leaving. Of stupidly deciding that I was better off without him, even after years of me trying to prove that nothing could be worse than not having him by my side. Our lives may have never stopped that day, but I know, at least for me, that my will to try and make life worth living was gone the second he drove off.Â
That leads to my regret. The regret of holding on for so long. To still be holding on. To the hope that one day, things can be okay again. Because Iâm terrified. Terrified Iâll never see him again. Terrified that, one day, Iâll accept never seeing him again. Terrified that I wonât be okay again unless he comes back. Terrified that no matter the outcome, I wonât be happy again. And those are the days that Iâve lived for the past few years. In fear of losing someone I already lost. Because there was a day where I allowed him to pull me out of a dark and lonely place, only to allow him to push me back in, and still forgive him in hopes heâll pull me out again.Â
Noah
The days have become grueling again. I shoved my emotions into lyrics, pouring my rage and guilt into melodies, and it was a simple distractionâŠuntil tour started. And every song was another reminder of her. I didnât even think. I was so focused on using my music as an outlet that I forgot it could bite me in the ass. That Iâd be forced to travel back to Virginia, and sing these lyrics under the same sky. One weâd both be staring up at together again.Â
I was more than grateful that Sumerian Records was able to get us an opening spot for Attilaâs tour, but that meant within a month, Iâd be back in Richmond and close to her again. Each night of the tour so far was painful, just counting down the seconds until the next day, because it was another day closer to home. And I donât mean the home I grew up in, but the person I left behind.Â
I had the whole world in my hands, and with one stupid decision, I gave it all away. What did I even think I would save? Life without her has been miserable. I thought I was helping both of us by leaving, but with every free moment I got over the last three years, all I could do was wish it was filled with her presence. I couldâve made it work, I just didnât want to try. And I knew her long enough to know that she wouldâve made it the easiest thing in the world. So this was my burden to take. Because Iâm the only one to blame. I kept telling myself that she was so much better off without me. With nothing but the memories of my face. But now I know that, even if she was doing better, I wasnât. Because I have no use now that sheâs gone.Â
I have no way of knowing how to deal with this. I knew better than anyone else that the decisions I made ruined things, but I couldnât handle being back there and not trying. I knew the chances of me absolutely fucking everything up again by simply showing my face, but the risk was worth it. I couldnât have a chance like this and not take it. I would never be able to live with myself if I didnât at least see if there was a possibility to have her again. This could either destroy both of us completely, or finally be a second chance at being happy again. I had to take it. I had to do this, because I was running out of faith.Â
TO BE CONTINUED
#noah sebastian#noah sebastian fanfiction#noah sebastian x reader#noah sebastian fic#noah sebastian and reader#noah sebastian reader insert#bad omens#bad omens fanfiction#Spotify
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Things that happened in Martyn & Cleo Double Life canon:
Cleo hoping to find her soulmate and start a life with them
Cleo dumping Martyn without giving him a chance to explain his side of the story, but hearing him out when he comes to her later
Martyn watching Cleo through his spyglass and telling the audience she seems safe and happy even though he thinks it's weird she's outside at night
Martyn, after he's had time to consider how he wants to play this, spinning a story about trying to be a provider for her and Cleo explaining that she wanted him, not things
Cleo not being remotely impressed by the "I was providing" sob story, lol
Martyn calling Cleo selfish for choosing to be with Scott because she's supposed to be HIS soulmate and he wants a partner
Cleo willing to forgive Martyn if he meets them halfway
Martyn refusing to meet them halfway because he doesn't think he did anything wrong
Martyn screaming about how Cleo's building bridges with Scott but "When will she think about mending our bridges???"
Martyn explaining to Cleo that he doesn't understand why his Session 1 actions bothered them
Martyn centering his character arc and roleplay on trying to win Cleo back without actually apologizing
Cleo giving Martyn a flower and stating that if he loses it, she'll be real cross with him
Cleo chasing Martyn out of her yard because he tried to put an HOA sign on her base and she wanted to make it clear that she wasn't associated with them and their hate for his base (even though she does think his heart base is strange)
Martyn attacking Cleo after she said attacking is a form of affection to her
Cleo setting boundaries with Martyn and explaining what he can do to get her back
Cleo sighing when Scar set her up on a date with Martyn, but taking the chance to talk to him instead of walking out
Cleo genuinely wanting Martyn in her alliance
Martyn and Cleo giggling constantly when they chat
Scar asking if Martyn wanted him to play a romantic music disc for him and Cleo (and Martyn getting excited and saying yes)
Martyn offering to take Cleo's armor and weapons to the deep dark so he can enchant them and bring them back while she stays safe
Cleo gifting Martyn diamonds, expecting nothing in return but not wanting him to die from lack of a good sword
Martyn and Cleo forming a secret alliance that allows Cleo to live with Scott while being on good terms with Martyn
Martyn expressing frustration that Cleo wants to keep this alliance secret because he wants them to be public allies; Cleo softly shushes him when people approach and might overhear
Martyn telling Cleo that she's putting out a lot of mixed signals because she keeps reeling him in and then pushing him away, claiming he is very confused about where he stands with her
Martyn teasing Cleo by punching her off a cliff and accidentally killing her and feeling so bad about it that he apologizes profusely despite roleplaying as someone who refused to apologize for Session 1
Martyn and Cleo immediately threatening Bdubs together when he said hi to them while they were hanging out, sdkfj
Martyn genuinely apologizing to Pearl for dumping her after Session 1
Martyn hiding under Cleo's bed while she defends him from an enderman attack
Cleo offering to let Martyn move into her house after Etho and Joel grief his base; Martyn saying he might take her up on that
Cleo and Martyn agreeing to move out and base together at Box
Cleo trusting Martyn with the location and resources of her red life base
Martyn rushing to Cleo's aid in the deep dark and trying to turn everyone against him instead
Cleo responding to Martyn's panicked shouts for her to eat by opening her inventory to get food (and drowning because she forgot she was in water)
Cleo hanging back and letting Martyn attack Scott while she does nothing to stop him from doing so, implying as much as she likes Scott, she won't kill Martyn (and herself) for him (and/or she trusted Scott to handle himself even though he ran away while Martyn was shooting at him)
Things that did not happen:
Cleo unwilling to forgive Martyn or consider being his friend and partner
Martyn and Cleo hating each other
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk
#Listen. listen. I understand. but consider... them#Zombiewood#ZombieCleo#Martyn InTheLittleWood#Limited Life canon: Cleo making Martyn godfather to her kids#I 100% support everyone taking their own interpretations from the episodes-#but I often see ''Martyn and Cleo hate each other'' and I wonder ''Did we even watch the same thing?''#and with so many POVs that only see them from the outside perhaps we did not!! So consider... them. Let's rotate them <3#This post is about the sheer amount of 'Martyn dumps Cleo for Ren' fics tagged Martyn/Cleo vs. minimal affectionate fics. help??#also fics where Martyn/Mumbo was canon but Martyn claims he was never attracted to him- only Ren?? Fascinating.#sir can the whole plot be about that because hold up I feel like we should unpack your loveless marriage before you date Ren#I will 100% read a story about you charging into marriage with Mumbo and then going ''Uh I just made a big mistake.'' hilarious#I mean I'm not Ren but if my crush confessed he never loved his husband in the first place I feel like I'd have Questions#To each their own! And I for one greatly enjoy how much Martyn will chase Cleo without humbling himself. lol. idiot. get wrecked.#but just to be clear I am a huge fan of break-up 'fics and choosing to be with someone you want. ergo my interest in Grian/BigB#This post is about Martyn/Cleo and Grian/BigB being fandom rarepairs despite having canon interest in each other#which is 100% fine because everyone should write what they want but!! Come rotate them with me because they are so fun and silly#Grian the man who deliberately cuts comments about Grian/Scar and Martyn/Mumbo from his vids but pursues BigB?? hilarious#In-universe this man went from ''Romance? I do not see it'' to ''Actually I want the cute cookie man'' and took the leap??#Yes king tell me more about this journey of self-discovery. I am aspec-beam'ing you.#Anyway. Need more Martyn/Cleo in my life which is why I'm writing fics of that and other people write fics about what they like <3#but sometimes people don't like it when I pair Martyn and Cleo because ''They hate each other'' and I laugh sfdlkj
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Alright tumblr putting Athelâs fate in your hands
HOWEVER there is a caveat. If one option wins in an absolute landslide, to the point where none of the others even had a chance, then Iâll probably go for the second most voted option.
(Also reblogs help a lot <3)
#also to be clear. the reason Iâm not choosing for myself is because Iâm not swept away by any of these options#I also donât know what even fits Athel. heâs not super defined and usually fate is the only way any of my characters get lovers#I would fuck Alistair in a heart beat if I could#I like it when men are kinda pathetic and I can laugh at them endearingly#da:o#dragon age origins#dragon age#Athel Mahariel#(a-thill. not ath-el. or A-thull)#warden mahariel#my polls#tumblr polls#poll#listen I have to tag this thing as much as I can (without it being spam tagging)#zevran arainai#morrigan dragon age#Morrigan#I didnât have to think with any of my other characters#In datv I went âwhereâs the elvesâ and fucked one of the elves#Faron and Neera just happened. that is purely fate acting right there#Hlao and Gale was just me going âoh pathetic man I can laugh at (lovingly)â#Kane and Shadowheart was just âI donât actually like Astarion and shads is prettyâ#Kieran and MacCready was pure chance#my first playthrough I actually romanced every romancable companion at the same time#normally I donât have to think#but with athel itâs like. well. what do we do here#other characters are also kinda defined by their relationships (at least initially)#Athel does not have that. and with what Iâve played of the game itâs not going to happen. heâs very standalone which isnât bad but it makes#things hard
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Ask Game: List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers :)
Hm, there are a few things here and there i really enjoy indeed i think, so here we go.
đ¶Music
đźGaming
đ§Rain
đFall/Winter
đ§Cooking/Baking
#personal#i have not much interaction here so i might tag people at random XD sorry in advance and you do not have to do that if you dont want#I am really a absolute food driven person#and enjoy as soon the cooler seasons are around everything seems a little slower and less....overwhelming#i can listen to rain without getting bored and find myself being facinated by weather love watching thunderstorms#even if i for the most part circle the same games and it takes me a while to take on a new one i do love gaming#music is a very soothing and inspirational thing to me what i listen to spans a wide variety because it really depends on the mood#idk why i put that into the tags#maybe didn't want the list to look all jumbled up because i wanted to say something to everything xD#thank you for sending the askâ„
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have always been a bit more neutral to timebomb but it has rly surprisingly grown on me so much ;-; i think i do see it more from the tragedy angle and maybe more one-sided. i'm not sure jinx has ever been in a place to reciprocate the feelings i'm sure ekko has, but it is nice to think about for years down the line and in terms of what could have been.
#arcane tag#i do prefer more understated or fanon ships and i think even getting them canon in an AU it still makes it more understated in the#main timeline to me? and rly good for imagining and tragic for what could've been etc#i also think friend-wise they could have the same exact tragedy - to me the point is just... closeness?#i get some of the backlash to it - like there are definitely things i could get annoyed about if i WANTED to make a big deal out of it#but i think it's sweet and i think regardless of romantic implications the link of ekko and jinx having basically the same trauma all#stem from their own actions (him giving the kids the tip about jayce and powder using the hexcore they got as a result in#catastrophic ways) and landing in such different directions (ekko using that as motivation to build / jinx getting stuck in destruction)#is just so interesting to me#i guess you could have that WITHOUT romance but i do think in the AU world them getting romantically closer makes a lot of sense#and i don't rly think there's a ton of clear romantic stuff in the main timeline that couldn't be read otherwise if it rly pissed people of#that badly lol so it is possible some of my appreciation for the ship comes out of spite from that crowd#honestly so much of the backlash seems geared more toward shippers than actual canon given the subtlety of it until now#which i do nottt vibe with tbh#just at the end of the day to me it is so easy to fall into how much ekko cares abt powder/jinx and how their paths diverged#and i guess i can get how adding a romantic layer would be annoying to some ppl but i think the kind of emotions doesn't#rly matter at the end of the day bc there is that same foundation either way#also when i say i get some of the backlash it's not that i agree with it lol#but if i wanted to force a reason for not vibing with it in that scenario i could#like the fact of not leaving it platonic ('why does everything have to be romantic!') or i'm sure LOTS of other lesbians#are pissed that a non-canon m/f ship has been more popular than canon f/f which.#i mean sometimes that stuff is odd but 9/10 times it's just preference for the dynamics#(signed. a lesbian. who got into the show for f/f and landed in other f/f ships more than the canon one lol)#and at the same time if i wanted to get political about it in retaliation i could highlight that timebomb is interracial#it's mostly stupid at the end of the day and i wish we could focus more on whether the writing was well done with what it meant to do#or just let ppl do what they want for fanon as long as they're not hurting anyone else#i think rly the main thing i would be more willing to listen to is the treatment of ekko as a black character in relation to this#which - if there is anything to that - is a very different story than 'ew m/f!!!!!!!!!1'#anyway sorry my brain is a discourse speedrun simulator at all times bc of being so chronically on tumblr#tl;dr good ship with so much good fan stuff out there
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gin, we need your critical opinion about megalopolis. was it really that bad?
i mean.
is it unwatchable? no. but also it is not good for sure. would love for it to be a case of "so bad it circles back being somehow good", but unfortunately no, becasue in order to achieve such a thing coppola should have gone camp and embraced the style instead of taking himself too seriously.
there are. ideas. that considered by themselves sort of make sense if you are desperate to find sense in this insanity of a movie, but whether within or without context for the large part they remain disjointed. and are anyway very cringe at core. i don't know how to put it kindly but the script just sucks. and choices were made.
#continuing in the tags because i'm embarassed lol i am no expert at all and just like watching movies#before and after watching it myself i read and listened to opinions coming from both sides as one does and#listen the movie ain't that deep#what moves some people to call it a masterpiece is essentially the same that moves other call it a disappointment: - this constant quoting#(both in the dialogues and in the visuals) something else something cool#without paying the due attention as to whether each quote is coherent to the context in which it is being used or adds any value to the#general narration#- but also this. delirious. thing with lights and cgi (it should have been practical effects!!) and. editing. that wants to be something bu#it's genuinely just outdatedâ ridicolousâ i found it kinda offending even lol#i appreciate a genuine homage to the arts as the next guy but citations aren't enough#this movie created some talk about the duality of cinema as a form of art and entertainment which isn't entirely out pf place but if you#watch megalopolis you will easily see the entertainment aspect isn't there because the movie sucksâ and that the art aspect is shallow#anyway i forgot all the million things i wanted to add so very quickly:#director: gave himself five stars on letterboxd. bad#writing: bad#editing: bad#photography: okayish#music: don't even remember it#acting: there's only so much an actor can do when their characters are unflattering#set & costume design: i don't understand why the future utopia looks like 10s fast fashion clodius and wow are the only ones who get it. ba#sorry for the nonsense hope my answer is at least more enjoyable than watching megalopolis ha-ha (':#gin answer
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.
#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to#get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all#at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without#radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up#it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping#and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place#so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are#gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park#or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years#and it's only been a week.#and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold#super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking.#and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so#few options and i volunteered for it in the first place#and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises#of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block#just. what am i even doing here.#tag ramble
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This is very well articulated and true to many people's experiences, BUT with the diagnostic landscape as it stands, I think its really dangerous to assume that children who *do* get diagnosed are treated any more kindly.
Many kids who are diagnosed are not actually given words to explain their experiences. Their needs are simply dismissed as "symptoms" they have to "work on" and "get past".
Some kids are actually diagnosed with "Oppositional Defiant Disorder" - whereupon ANY need they express - even those which would be treated as reasonable from undiagnosed or neurotypical children! - is pathologized as "defiance". And yes, this diagnosis is highly racialized.
Honestly, knowing that ODD exists as a diagnosis really forces a person to challenge their perspective on what diagnosis is and means. Yes, diagnosis *can* be a tool of understanding, a way of banding together around shared struggles and generating shared language, tools, and resources. But it can also be a tool of opression and social control. And it *is*, currently for many people, a tool which is used to opress them. Even if it is also currently, in other people's experience, a tool of solidarity and support.
I think people who have experienced adult diagnosis as a relief, a breakthrough, a finding of community and tools of understanding - are sometimes prone to projecting this experience onto an imagined experience of childhood diagnosis, without looking into what childhood diagnosis actually entails.
It shouldn't be surprising, given the way children are dismissed, corralled, managed, and expected to conform to adult expectations at all times - that childhood diagnosis lacks the experience of autonomy, self-realization, and support found by those seeking diagnosis on their own terms as adults.
And it's understandable for people to say, "I wish I'd had this experience [of finding a diagnosis as an adult] as a child." But you can't just say, "I wish I'd been diagnosed as a child", and expect it to mean that - without MAKING childhood diagnosis mean something completely different than it currently does.
And I do absolutely think that it's crucial to change childhood diagnosis to mean eduction *of parents and caregivers* about the diagnosis, to mean kids are given tools and resources to express their needs and to process their experiences, to mean kids are given access to the same sort of supportive community that adults find through diagnosis.
But I actually don't think that's the first step. I think the first step is to create a cultural shift where we LISTEN TO CHILDREN WHEN THEY EXPRESS THEIR NEEDS, IN THEIR OWN WAYS, ON THEIR OWN TERMS. In general. For all children.
Where adults take seriously kids who are upset over problems adults find absurd. Where adults are willing to make accommodations that kids request even if they don't understand why it matters. Where kids aren't ridiculed or shut down for asking for things that don't make sense. Where kids who say they're in pain are treated as if they're in pain, not as if they're trying to get out of something. Where kids who say they need to sit something out are allowed to sit something out. Where adults make an effort to understand what kids are trying to communicate, even if they cant "use their words".
It turns out that having been dismissed by adults over something that really mattered to you as a kid is a near universal experience. And I'm not saying it's not *worse* for neurodivergent kids. I'm just saying that it's treated as bizarrely normalized in childcare that kids won't come to adults with really serious issues, like abuse. That they'll try to hide it. Why? Because they've learned that adults don't really understand them, and won't try to understand them. That adults don't really listen.
And it's hard, actually - as an adult working with kids, they'll come to you with a concern that seems absolutely ridiculous. Like, their classmate was bragging about how he's going to borrow his uncle's helicopter and fly to the north pole to meet santa. And THEY know santa isn't real and that the north pole is very dangerous - but they think it's absolutely credible that the kid could steal the helicopter, and they're terrified he's gonna get hurt. And you can't laugh! Not even a tiny little bit! You have to treat absolutely seriously their concern, and work it through with them. Because to them it's not ridiculous. They don't have the perspective you do, about what's real and possible and plausible and what isn't. All they'll see is that you've dismissed their real fear - and after that, why would they come to you with anything else they're scared of?
So you have to meet them where they are. You have to treat their experiences and perspectives as genuine, even when they don't make sense to you. You have to work towards understanding their reality, and what they're trying to convey to you, and what they want you to do for them in response. Even if they don't know what they want you to do! They're coming to you as an adult who will fix a problem for them, but if you fix the problem your way and it turns out that's not actually what they wanted, they *still* learn that adults don't understand them and can't help them. You have to learn to unpack all your concepts of what goes on in kids heads, and really meet them where they are. As complex individuals whose ways of thinking and being are probably totally different from your own, regardless of whether they - or you - are neurodivergent.
And this unpacking goes beyond kids. Not only do we need to take kids seriously, we need to take each other seriously. We need to build a world where people are able to understand and respect that other people are different from them without having to know Why and How. Where you don't NEED a diagnosis to be allowed to exist in a way that is different from other people.
anyway I don't mean to detract from the conversation about how alienating and destructive it is to your ability to relate to yourself, to grow up neurodivergent and having your own experiences constantly denied to you. I just think that while we're at it, we may as well address the problem at the root.
#god DAMN this got away from me.#sorry for this absurdly long reblog.#I was just going to point out that childhood diagnosis isn't actually a fix for this as it stands#Based on many and various horror stories I've heard about what childhood diagnosis is actually like#But then I kinda wanted to get into what actually worked really well for Me as a weird little kid#Which was being listened to on my own terms without diagnosis ever even coming into it#Which is actually much more robust and flexible as a principle than just unfucking diagnosis#Although that is also worth doing. Because sometimes it does help to have words to put around it#And other people to back you up and say they experience the same things you do#And they can explain it more thoroughly in better words to people who are stubborn about getting it#That's also good and important!#But the more I wrote this the more the line about diagnosis being the only way forward Bugged Me#what if we all learned to respect each other without needing to understand each other?#What if we unpacked the idea of neurotypicality so completely that no one could smugly stand by their way being the only way?#what then??#long post#antipsychiatry adjacent#<- look up âantipsychiatryâ or âmad prideâ if you don't get that tag#Childhood pedagogy#You thought this was a psychology post? think again. it's a pedagogy post#Everything is a pedagogy post#with thanks/apologies to the person I cribbed the santa helicopter story from. I've yet to find anything that illustrates better#the split between what's high stakes to a kid and absurd to an adult#or the way kids process what's real or not and how it can lead them to world understandings an adult would Not predict
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If you love Disney, its parks, its media, and its merch, listen up.
So I work for Disneyland, and we are talking about striking very soon. So soon, in fact, that we've been hosting rallies just outside of the parks. Yesterday was the 69th birthday of Disneyland Anaheim... it was also a monumental rally.
I haven't seen anyone on tumblr talking about the impending strikes against Disney. Not even going through the Disney tags or searching tumblr for "Disneyland Strike."
Let's talk about why we're striking:
Cost of living in the immediate SoCal region is nearly 2x as much as we are getting paid.
Cast members that have worked for the company for long periods of time are still paid as mucha s new hires.
Disney has showed up to union negotiations with insulting offers, including at 25 cent raise. Most cast members make $19.90
Disney rarely schedules you. In some areas and departments, you are fighting with your fellow cast members for hours. I have heard of cast members who are only scheduled for 1 4-hour shift per week. Many of those cast members have upwards of an hour commute to and from work.
Disney Admin has told attractions castmembers [so: rides, rollercoasters, and anything fun you get to do and see at the parks] that we are losing them money, which is why they refuse to schedule us and pay us. In the words of my partner, who also works at the parks, Disney without attractions is an over glorified mall and a food court. Disney needs us, and they know it, but they do not respect us.
Disney has an unfair attendance policy. It can be very difficult to get a needed day off, even when it has been requested weeks or months in advance. When you do take a day off [with-out accrued sick or vacation time] it counts against you. You can have 3 a month, 6 in 90 days, 9 in 180 days, or 12 in a year. How do you accrue sick/vacation? Hours worked, which can be impossible with the scheduling practices mentioned above. (Most cast members trade shifts among themselves to get around this.)
Cast members feel unsafe and unsupported in the parks. Many cast members have felt threatened by entitled guests upset that they are following policy. Disney Leads and Managers have to say yes to these guests and make things happen, though. [Which only makes this behavior worse and more dangerous for cast members who are only doing their job.]
Cast members also report feeling threatened, or even being literally threatened, by management in the parks. Especially cast members who have a second job. Especially cast members who know their rights.
Further, cast members work in hazardous conditions with pay that does not reflect that. Many cast members report losses of hearing, sore throats, and severe back and shoulder pain. Cast members are also exposed to infectious diseases at a much higher rate.
https://www.sfgate.com/disneyland/article/union-button-contract-dispute-19515296.php?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR2u5o_mvU3i6jpIyHxBUZpEzD2GRSKFf5Pem4uRXqa6vKWDgZuffvINd1g_aem_AA1L0fI1phugJIluYMcDSw
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#tag talk#playing Polybridge 3 and I'm just reminded that I'm just genuinely not that creative or visionary#my whole life is been inundated with arts and science and I've been pushed to create and I'm just not that creative#I watch genius minecraft builds and cool dwarf fortress sagas and amazing bridge designs and I realize I am not like that.#I appreciate the art and creativity of others but I genuinely just cannot do that myself.#I recently sold my electric piano because I've realized that as much as I love listening to music? I just don't have the drive to create it#I love reading books but I don't have the drive to write stories myself.#I love looking at art but I just don't have the spark that makes me need to create it#and this sentiment gets perceived by others as me being hard on myself. like a self deprecating âoo I'm not good enough to make artâ#and it's annoying because I'm not being emotional and sad about it. I'm simply taking stock of the fact that I do not have the drive for it#and that's fine. I grew up in a artistic family and I enjoy being able to appreciate art#but a big part of growing up has been learning to let go of the pressure to perform. the pressure to create and be an artistic individual#and just allowing myself to appreciate the beauty that others bring into the world without feeling the need to compare myself to it#everything I wrote as a kid was just blatant knockoffs of other stories I had read. songs I whistle are songs someone else wrote#and that's fine. that's okay. I don't need to create to enjoy life. I don't need to produce in order to be alive.#I am allowed to be content consuming the art that others have made.#and sure. every once in a while I make something. I'll paint or sketch or write a poem or make a new minecraft build or something#but I'm really just working on being okay with doing nothing for a while.#I used to be such a pressured hyperactive kid and I feel like my character arc is just me learning to chill the fuck out#learning to relax and do nothing and be okay with it.#I just don't have that drive. I'm not a visionary. I'm not a leader. not a creative soul. I'm not destined for great things#and that's okay. that's fine. that's normal. and I'm allowed to be normal.#after a whole childhood of being pressured to be better than everyone else. of being driven by others to perform to their expectations#I can finally sit down and breathe and still the churning in my stomach and slow down and just allow myself to chill out#and I'm happier like this.
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Sometimes you have something that you could say, that you think about saying, that you more or less know how you'd phrase it... but it's just not fucking worth it cause you know for a fact that people don't fucking listen
I don't know, I try to stay... if not optimistic then at least with a mind set of "doesn't matter, we've got no choice but to try and make things better"
Truthfully though I think I'm extremely pessimistic when it comes to the chances of anyone actually listening to what I say
I'm not sure if I'm just bad with words but... it seems impossible to convey even simple thoughts to people so... truthfully I've more or less given up and have just stopped trying. Especially if I don't at least know people well
So there it is
#like I could have said this; and I could have said that; and... hmm... I just don't think I would have succeeded in conveying that like...#I'm actually on your side man; I'm in your corner on this#I think you might be tilting at windmills here#but it's not fucking worth it anymore cause history shows me I'd either get no response or one that missed every word I said#and... I just give up... with everything#I don't want to say no one listens because that goes too far; but even with people I like very few people feel like they listen#people I adore where it's like... I'm not sure how you don't get that I can't 'move out' of my house cause... it's my house; like I own it#it's a question of telling someone else they have to leave; but like... I ain't leaving my home... this is mine#and... I don't understand how... this is like the 3rd or 4th time I've had to explain this; and it doesn't add up to me#cause this is someone that's brilliant that I know cares about me#...so I'm mostly confused... and a bit sad and hurt... but mostly I just don't get what I'm doing wrong in communicating#but if that's how I feel about someone I'm close to; how do you think I feel about strangers?#I don't understand what it takes to get people to listen#and like... there's a chance they would have; there's a chance they would have been super receptive#it's just... it's no longer worth the effort to me#it's not worth the effort on a chance; and perhaps I do them a real disservice; and perhaps I do the next person one too#but... there's too many people I run into these days where I'm right and so... I don't know; kinda am closed off at this point#or something; fuck it; doesn't matter#also you people worry too much about me just saying what's on my mind#whatever the fuck I may say here... ain't I cleaning and shit; whatever... hmm...#you'd fucking hate Eeyore; you say you'd like him; but I'm telling you that people can't fucking accept someone being a bit morose#you'd bother him to cheer up; you say you'd accept him; but I'm saying you wouldn't#and I'm saying you wouldn't cause no one can just let me say shit that's on my mind without making a big deal out of it#like at what point do I earn the right to not have to fix myself on top of all the other shit I'm trying to fix?#at what point does taking practical actions to try and improve my situation make up for me saying gloomy shit sometimes?#whatever... doesn't matter#if there's one thing I've learned in life it's that people care very much; and they're fucking horrible at actually supporting people#most people want to very much and suck very badly at it; in part cause they can't just sit with someone; they're always trying to fix thing#mm tag so i can find things later
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I met a guy in the Summer (dilf!Konig x fem!Reader)
Your boyfriend is an asshole. Luckily, his hot dad just returned from deployment. CW and Tags: Cheating, dub-con, size kink, daddy kink, age gap(reader in 20s, Konig is early 40s), Konig is a pervert, slightly obsessive Konig, love(and lust) at first sight, fingering, dom!Konig Word count: 3713 AO3
âJust one more game, babe, donât be a buzzkill. I donât want to end at a loss.â You didnât want to be a buzzkill, of course. You simply wanted to be a good girlfriend, have some domestically cozy date, and for your boyfriend to at least try to put an effort into being with you. It wasnât much to ask for, really. You hoped so, at least. You didnât want to be an annoying, nagging girlfriend who only ever waits for another reason to yell at him, but your patience started to run thin.Â
You spend the past three hours either listening to his apathetic rambling about the shows he watched â really, you wanted to invest in stuff he liked, but an abnormally large amount of animes he talked about had 1000-year-old girls who looked like they were 10, wearing inappropriate outfits, and you started to raise the alarm.Â
You also watched him play â and also listened to his rage quitting and angry voice messages to his team that, honestly, made you slightly anxious. You never liked loud people, people who were so easy to rage about something as silly as some colorful video game with too many characters to look after.Â
So, like a good girlfriend would â you wanted to be a good girlfriend, he was such a nice guy before you started dating, and you need something to think about besides the tremendous amount of study work you are doing for college â you decided to go and look for snacks. Maybe bring something for him as well.Â
â Iâll find something to eat, alright?Â
He didnât respond at first, so you shook his shoulder. Your boyfriend took off his headphones with annoying look on his face, half-turning to look at you. You gulped, suddenly feeling like a child in front of the principal â not a feeling that you were supposed to feel around your partner, but with him, you somehow constantly felt like you were being judged.Â
â Nah, stay here. I donât want my father to see you.Â
â AhâŠyour father is at home?Â
You never heard anyone else being at the house â big house, you must admit, and itâs embarrassing almost how you never thought about his family. He lives with his dad, apparently, and the depth of your relationships can only be judged by the fact you literally didnât know what his fatherâs name was.Â
â Returned from his fucking deployment. Heâd ask too many questions about you.Â
â You didnât tell him about me?Â
Ah, now youâre hurt a little bit. You knew it wasnât anything serious or too committed yet, but you intended to make this work. To try and fix all the problems you can without ending things abruptly.Â
â He never asked. Not like he cares too much, butâŠ
An apathetic dad, huh.Â
You started to slowly piece together the puzzle that was your boyfriendâs horrible boyfriend skills. Now, you want to meet the man who conceived him and kick him in the nuts for creating such an unlovable human being who somehow captivated your chronically lonely heart.Â
â If you donât want me to come and meet him, I can go home.Â
He doesnât answer because his queue is finally coming to another match â you simply nod, knowing everything you need to. You can grab a little snack for yourself, fuck off to your dorm and rethink your life choices while your roommate is getting pounded by some gruss British bloke with an accent that makes your ears bleed.Â
You have dignity, and right now, it has asked you to get some snacks from the kitchen.Â
*** Now, the only thing König wanted after returning from deployment was to take as many hot showers as he could, shut his bastard of a son up, and get some delicious food waiting for him in the freezer. He was already home for a few days, but adjusting is always hard when you basically fucking hate living at your own house. Of-fucking-course, his son was watching the house while he was away â and now he canât even think of a good excuse to set him off to his mother. Too old to do this, and split custody never really worked when not even one part of the relationship wanted to take care of the kid.Â
König closes the door of the refrigerator â of course, his son took every good thing that he stashed for himself. With a groan, the colonel fights the urge to finally throw him out of the house â a thing he needed to do a few years ago, just when he celebrated his 18th, but some sentimental part of his heart instead promised to help with finding a place close to the college. No good deed goes unpunished.Â
With a groan, he takes a few steps from the fridge â and then he almost stumbles across an angel.Â
Scheisse
Now, König never thought of himself as a predator who prefers running after college girls who might as well be his daughters. He never thought of himself as a gut who liked them young â his wife, god forsake her name, was his age when they started dating, and he hardly had any sexual encounters with a person under 25 in the past few years. Well, not like he had any sexual encounters in the past years, butâŠ
The thing is â he never thought he liked girls with wide eyes, pouty faces, and trembling hands who were holding a bag of his cookies that he carefully stashed away from his son.Â
You are wearing something cute, a nice skirt and an adorable pink cardigan that looks so cozy and warm and soft, and he fights the urge to grab your skirt and simply lift it, Youâre dressed up for a cute coffee date, and König has to double check if he isnât dreaming and no one has decided to play a prank on him and send him a cute callgirl.Â
â Oh! Sorry. Itâs yours, isnât it?Â
You give him his cookies back â but not before your fingers fished another salty caramel goodness out of the bag, and you bit it. He looks at your teeth, at your lips, and glimpses of your tongue â god, he is an old, dirty bastard because even his baggy pants arenât enough to hide his boner. You have no right to look this pretty for a man who hasnât seen a woman in three months and hasnât had sex in the past few years.Â
You lick the crumbs from your fingers â itâs such a deliberate action that he canât believe he actually sees it, and itâs not even something from porn he used to like.Â
â Ja. You can have it.Â
He would give you the code to his bank account if you asked for it.Â
â Thank you, sir. IâmâŠwell, I assume if Paul didnât introduce me to youâŠIâm his girlfriend. Nice to meet you.Â
You lick your lips and take a step back, pressed against the counter. He looks at the sway of your hips, a bit of crumbs on your shirt, and almost brushes it away with his hands. It would be a good excuse to touch your chest â but he canât be like this, he has to keep his urges under control, or else his son will never forgive him.Â
Yeah, like he needs a better reason to throw his useless son from his home.Â
â Girlfriend? He never spoke about you.Â
You look sad, and he immediately curses under his breath. For a moment, you look too fragile â too real. He canât handle this look on a woman, especially as pretty and young as you are. You bat your eyelashes, even involuntarily, and he already prepares to give you the keys to his home just so youâd stop with such miserable expressions. He has a spare bedroom.Â
He has his bedroom with a bed that would be enough for both of you.Â
â Ah. Um. WeâreâŠI guess weâre not at this stage yet.Â
â Knowing him, youâll never be, Schatz.Â
You look at him immediately â youâre offended, angry, and sad at the same time. There is a certain stubbornness in your eyes that immediately makes him want to simply scoop you in his arms, lift you, and drag you straight to the altar â and here he thought that his impulses over getting married would be over after his first divorce.Â
â What do you mean by this, sir?Â
You look uncertain now, he can see this in your eyes â and really, knowing his asshole of a child, he is almost sure that Paul never once got you off, either physically or emotionally.Â
Now, König never once considered himself to be a good man. He has killed countless people, overthrown many governments, and made shitty jobs for shitty people way more than saving hostages to help the good guys â and in the romantic field, itâs even worse. Wife, unsatisfied with his controlling tendencies and inability to feel normal love for a human being â and a son who hates him because, in fact, he never once wanted to have a kid.Â
He looks at you and sees a pretty young thing, still in college or freshly out of, probably without a stable job and normal social standing â a good girl wonât be with his son if she isnât stupid or extremely desperate for a relationship.Â
The thing is, König is also extremely desperate for another warm body next to his, to feel a woman beside him, to love and obsess over someone â he looks at your pouty lips and shaky hands, at the way you bite the corner of your glossy mouth, and he almost wants to drop you on this very table and fuck you until youâre crying under him. He canât do just that, of course. It would probably make you extremely uncomfortable and scared, butâŠwell, quite frankly, his son doesnât deserve you.Â
König is.Â
â I wonât sugarcoat it, Schatz. My son is a ScheiĂ ArschlochâŠfucking asshole, that is. Iâm surprised he brought home someone as cute as you.Â
You feel embarrassment collecting in your body. Paulâs dad is aâŠinteresting man.Â
Tall, broad, very muscular â even his baggy house clothes arenât really concealing his extremely interesting physique from your eyes. He looks yummy and tasty, and you fight the urge to eye the bulge in his pants because youâre a good girl, you donât look at your boyfriendâs dad like this.Â
König has greying ginger hair, locks already curling slightly at the lack of cutting, and you fight the urge to sit on the counter and get your palm in his scalp, massage his head gently, and pull him closer for a kiss. You feel like a dirty, horrible woman â your boyfriend is in his room, probably enjoying his time on your âdateâ while youâre lusting over his father.Â
Then again, this date already felt like a disaster. This relationship, too.Â
â Paul isnât all that bad, sir.Â
âHe at least has a nice dick,â you wanted to add but stopped yourself. Paul is tall and somewhat strong â if he werenât sitting at his computer all day, you would call him even muscular. And he has a nice dick, yes, even though he had no idea how to use it. You liked the idea of laying with him, of spraying your jaw trying to fit all of this in your mouth, but his kinks and his sex skills being directly taken from pornâŠnot really your thing.Â
You look at König and wonder if they are similar in all of the places. He is his father, after all.Â
König catches your gaze locked on his bulge and smirks.Â
God, if he knew his son had such a cute girl, he would ask her to come earlier. He is two weeks off deployment and probably wonât take another long contract for a few months because they just upped his retirement payings, and he can afford to slack off a little bit, only visiting the home base for some training and instructions for rookies.Â
He can afford to retire and never worry about money again â but he needs someone to make his days less boring, right?Â
You look like a good candidate.Â
â Iâm sure my son was convincing, but I know him better than anyone. He doesnât deserve you, Schatz.Â
He is shitty at flirting, itâs not his forte â he can flaunt his money, maybe, show you in his wallet and bank account face first. He can just straight up ask you to be his sugar baby and suck his cock instead of doing your studies, but he canât flirt and manipulate to save his life. Lying isnât something he is good for, this is why his wife has left.Â
â IâŠnot sure we should be having this conversation here.Â
Youâre a good girl, and itâs infuriating. He knows that having someone in his bed shouldnât be the end goal for his leave, but he wants you, and by the look on your face, you arenât opposed to the idea. König doesnât understand if he likes that youâre so reserved about it or if he wants you to be a bit more slutty â but he captures you in the space between the kitchen counter and presses you with his body.Â
â You want to see the bedroom then?
Pushes you so close his knee gets between your legs â it might look involuntary like he didnât exactly want for it to be placed here, but you arenât dumb, you know what he wants from you. Like a good fucking girl, youâre too shy to give it to him right about now. God, sometimes he hates being so nice to people around him.Â
â Sir, this is veryâŠ
He got you caged in his hands, body trapped in his embrace â you jerk your head upwards a little bit, staring at him like a small bird in the hands of a predator. He isnât a strong man in regard of morals, he doesnât see anything wrong with fucking his sonâs girlfriend â if the girl is up to it. And if she isnâtâŠwell, he better make sure she is.Â
â What is it, Schatz? Paul wonât hear us in his headphones.
You know just how wrong it is, and you almost want to escape â his dick grinds on your pelvis through his pants, and youâre horrified to see how big it is. Excited too, of course, he is bigger than your boyfriend ever could be, and you donât want to be a slut, but, oh well, not like you were in a committed and serious relationship anyway.Â
Paul was seeing your friends more than you ever saw them â itâs probably a sign that you should settle for someone older. You did enjoy Lana Del Rey's songs, after all.Â
â I donât want to break his heart.Â
â He doesnât have one.Â
Youâre lost when he pushes his lips to kiss you over and over again â a surprisingly good kisser, and you give in because it was the first time in forever a kiss made you feel this good. His lips are sending electricity down your spine, you want to moan just from his knee, pushing on the softness of your cunt through that adorable skirt you liked so much â you feel so small like this, so tiny in his hands, youâŠ
God, you feel like a slut, and you like it.Â
Soon enough, you answered the kiss, your lips meeting his in a dance that made you feel hot, that made you feel like your boyfriend never could. Never thinking of yourself as someone who can fall so easily into the hands of an older man, now you know that he got you right where he wanted.Â
You push your hand on his pants, trying to get the control back â but he stops you, a giant hand enveloping your wrist and pushing you back. With a surprise on your face, König just wants to kiss you all over. God, youâre adorable, and he knows that you deserve way more than being fucked on the rough kitchen counter while your so-called boyfriend is too busy dickriding his friends in some useless online game.Â
â Not now, princess. You deserve better than being fucked on the kitchen counter, ja? It can come later.Â
âLaterâ sounds like a promise, and you bite back your moan when he keeps pushing his knee against your cunt, making you throb and clench on nothing. He is such a gentleman, you canât help but compare him to his son â and his fabulous ability to make you feel dirty after fucking you in the backseat of his car and tossing you to your dorm with your pussy still wet and messy after you didnât cum.Â
You sob, not from sadness, but from pleasure mixed with some weird, unnatural for you emotions â you feel weird, strained here like this, but you hug his neck and whisper something in his ear. Something, dangerously sounding just like âdaddy, pleaseâÂ
König is blushing, and he looks fucking adorable.Â
â Daddy, ja? God, youâre dangerous, liebling. Going to get me in trouble with my son later.Â
He laughs when he kisses you again, his hand slipping in your panties only to find them completely soaked â he knows you deserve a nice pillow and soft sheets under your body, and he pushes you up so you can hug his waist with your legs. You rely on him like a cute pet, and youâre so perfect in his hands he curses himself for not seeing you before.Â
He is going to ruin you for anyone but him. Put so much cum in you, it will make your tummy bulge â make you his precious sugar baby, pay for your dumb college and make you move to his bedroom instead of some shitty dorm you probably share with four other people.Â
He can be good for you â but he will ruin you for anyone else, anyone appropriate, every guy your age who clearly doesnât know how to treat a lady right.Â
â So wet for meâŠsuch a filthy thing, I didnât know my son dated a whore.Â
â NâŠnot a whore, pleaseâŠ
He kisses you on your forehead, silently apologizing. You feel his crooked, scarred smile, and you push your face up to kiss him â you want to touch him so badly it makes you feel stupid.Â
â Sorry, Schatzen. Not a whore, a good girl for her daddy, ja? So nice for me, too fucking youngâŠ
â WâŠwe really shouldnât⊠â Tshhh, donât think about it. Thinking will only hurt your pretty dumb head. â Iâm notâŠ
â Quiet, little one. Let daddy handle everything.
He kisses you over and over, his fingers playing with your pussy â meaty digits digging in your hole, making you whimper from sudden intrusion. He is big, bigger than anyone else, just two of his fingers are enough to spread you as much as normal cock would, and even though youâre used to taking Paulâs size, you just know that his dad would be much, much bigger. He is going to split you open, and you will love every fucking second.Â
It feels so wrong, you still arenât sure if you want him to touch you like this.Â
It feels so right, he is experienced and eager, pushing every button to make you squirm in his grasp. Your orgasm comes embarrassingly quick â maybe because you havenât gotten off in ages, only miserable masturbation sessions and poor attempts at faking your orgasm made it feel real. Paul never cared enough to actually get you off â but nowâŠ
You arenât ready for him. You squirm in his grasp when the pressure becomes too much, and he soothes you, two fingers still buried in your soaked cunt. You feel so dirty, so wrong right now â you are cumming on the fingers of your boyfriendâs absent father, and you love every second of it.Â
Post-orgasm clarity makes you whiny and sobby, and you whimper in his shoulder when he gently lifts you in his hands. God, youâre adorable, and he knows that he just scrambled your brain with that orgasm â itâs good, really, he might just want to keep your pretty head nice and empty for him. Not like you would ever need to think in his presence, the colonel can handle everything in- and out- of bed.Â
König holds you close, not allowing you to scramble away no matter how embarrassed you are. You are his precious thing, with a pouty face, and he will do everything in his power to make you squirm on his fingers again and again before he makes you his wife for good.Â
So impulsive, maybe this is why his son is such an asshole â taking the worst traits of his father.Â
â Donât cry, Schatzen. Youâre okay, it felt good, didnât it?Â
â WâŠwe shouldnât have. Shit. Iâm sorry, it was a mâŠgod, I need to tell Paul.Â
â Iâll tell him.Â
â No! â I will tell my asshole of a son that youâre my girl now, ja? And then I will take you to the bedroom, so we can fuck.Â
â I need to return to my dorm.Â
â And then I will dine you properly, okay? Sorry, Liebling, I know I should court you before all of thisâŠbut we can afford to go a bit off board, ja?Â
He is smiling, so smitten and obsessed over just having you cum on his fingers once â you donât have the heart to say no. Never did. Youâre a good, proper girl, and Paul was never treating you right anyway. You feel dirty, yes, but somehow, it is almost right.Â
He peppers your face with kisses, like a dog lapping its tongue all over your skin â youâre so concentrated on the warmth of his strong, seasoned body that you donât even look in the direction of the doorway to the kitchen.Â
Paul, however, looks straight at you, disheartened and shocked.Â
â WâŠwhat the fuck, dad?! König laughs, kissing you once again â deep, hot, with tongue and loud, sloppy sounds of your mouth pressing into one another. Youâre stuck in place, still caged in his arms like a precious little pet you are.Â
â Sheâll make a good step mom, ja?Â
You donât even register his hands slowly caressing your fingers as if he already tries to check the ring sizes.Â
#cod#konig x reader#yandere konig#konig#cod x reader#call of duty#cod x you#yandere cod#konig mw2#reader insert#yandere x reader
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Dating the Slytherin boys (+ Harry) âȘ HEADCANONS
Requested:Â No
Characters:Â Mattheo Riddle, Tom Riddle, Theodore Nott, Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, Regulus Black, Harry Potter (+ y/n)
Warnings:Â NSFW mentions, English is not my first language
A/N:Â I'm not sure I like this but here we go. However I have to say I like Regulus' one so I might turn his version into a one shot one day (when uni won't be killing me slowly). This will include also the pre-dating/flirting stage as well. SORRY FOR THE TYPOS. Comments and feedback are always appreciated. Enjoy! ^^
Tag list: @helendeath @im-jesus
Tag list for this story: @anawritez-posts @pumpkinchee @alwayslatetothefandoms
Mattheo Riddle:
His feelings for you probably confused him at firstÂ
If he falls first, he either wonât let you know or will do everything to get your attention (âHey, y/n, come sit here, the seat is free!â, ây/n, do you mind helping me with the homework for Snape? I canât bloody do itâ, âHow about we go to Hogsmeade, just you and me?â, âyou look beautiful, y/nâ)
Your love for him always calms him when he gets anxious or when heâs upset, especially after his father comes back
Will tell you things he never told anyone
Would rather spend time with you than with his friends
Is terrified something will happen to you because of his fatherÂ
VERY jealous, but trusts you
Despite easily getting angry, he canât get mad at you. Even during argumentsÂ
LOVES sleeping in your arms or when you just hold him
He's crazy about your body
Loves showering with you, and we both know how it often ends
HOT, passionate sex
Will randomly eat you out without expecting anything in return (doesn't mind if you return the favor, though)
100% calls you "baby" or "love" all the time
Doesnât care about what anyone thinks of him as long as you love him
Your love makes him feel lighter and stronger
You're his whole world
Feels bad when he hears someone criticize you for dating himÂ
Always makes sure you donât overwork yourself, and makes sure you get enough sleep, water and food, and comforts you when you're anxious
Holds your hands when he's anxious or stressed
Will listen to anything you have to sayÂ
Crazy about your perfume
Theodore Nott:
Struggles to express his love or feelings in general, at least in the beginningÂ
Has never done serious relationships before, and it may cause some trouble in your relationship, as you end up believing he doesnât care about you
It causes many fights, and the last one will be the first time he says âI love youâ
Always goes to you for comfortÂ
Loves sleeping with you in his arms, or cuddling, and with time he canât sleep without you
Loves watching you sleepÂ
Loves having you on his lap
Always gets you great gifts (even randomly)
âWell, it thought it was pretty, andâŠit reminded me of you.â
Will fight any guy who is rude to you or acts like a creepÂ
Very jealous (trusts you, doesnât trust others)
Doesnât mind PDA at all, will gladly hold your hand or kiss you in public
Always has a hand on your waist or his arm around your shouldersÂ
Very supportive in everything you do, even when he doesnât understand it/isnât really interested in it
Isnât very good with comforting people (mostly because he's not used to it), but will hold you and listen to you as long as you need, can even give you advice/reassuranceÂ
Every compliment/'I love you' you say melts his heart and means much more to him than he shows, same goes for anything you do for him
Loves doing fun things, even if itâs just throwing snowballs at each other during winter (which ends in loving kisses, just savouring the joy of being together)Â Â
Love getting in a pool with you and playing "childish" games during summer
Any form of intimacy means A LOT to himÂ
He's used to hooks up and "fucking" but it takes him a bit of time to have sex with you (despite being crazy about you and your body) because you mean everything to him and with you it's really making love instead of just "fucking"
The first time is loving and slow yet passionnate (eye contact at all times, hands holding, desperate kisses from him), and it gets a bit rougher and passionate the next times (but aftercare, which he isn't used to, is always on point and keeps getting better)
Is secretly very insecure, and is terrified you will leave him (especially for another âbetterâ guy)Â
Craves your touch and your love but wonât admit it
His boggart is probably you being dead alongside his mother
Will tell you sweets things in Italian
Very clingy in private - and also in public with time
With you he learns to be happier and discovers a happier side of himself he didn't know he had
Loves you much more than he actually shows at firstÂ
Will often say you're all he has (and means it)
But with time, you have no reason to doubt his love and heâs the perfect boyfriend
Blaise Zabini:
Probably will court you like the gentleman he is
He doesnât trust people easily and might be a little distant (while always polite and kind) in the early stages of your relationshipÂ
But with time he becomes very warm and smiles a lot
Always kisses the top of your hand or your foreheadÂ
Doesnât do much PDA except for holding hands and kisses on your forehead
However in private heâll 100% cuddle you and hold you
Dates in parks or restaurants Â
Get you flowers at least once a month
Will always defend you against othersÂ
One of his love languages is acts of service
Lorenzo Berkshire:
You either were friends before dating or he fell in love with you at first sight, there is no in between
Takes you on fun dates (arcade, funfair, theme parks)Â
Can be shy at the beginning, which will make it a bit hard for him to talk about how he feels about you
Movie nights where you two eats lots of snacks and sweets while cuddlingÂ
Always smiles when you enter a room
So supportiveÂ
Loves when you're on his lap
He has no problem with PDA
Quickly willing to meet your family if you agree
Heâs a great listener and mostly gives good advicesÂ
Loves taking naps with youÂ
Always makes you sure you get enough sleep, water and food
Wonât let you get yourself into dangerous situations
Loves to go anywhere with you, no matter the activity and even if he just follows you aroundÂ
Many pet names
If you're Muggleborn or grew up among Muggles, he will totally ask you questions about the muggle world
Passionnate sex, will get rough if he hasn't seen you in a long time or if it's angry sex after he got jealous
His aftercare is the best, and he's always thankful you trust him enough to have that form of intimacy with him
Draco Malfoy:
Wonât flirt at first with you but keeps wanting your attention
Tries to seduce you with expensive gifts, and is a bit taken aback when you say it doesnât work
Continues to get you gifts, but will make sure they match your interests/tastes, and keeps expensive gifts for your birthdays and Christmas (even though heâd like to get them all year for you)Â
At first he doesn't show any weakness in your presence
With you heâll learn patience and to focus of more positive things, and also to stand up to his father
Takes you on dates every chance he gets
Will ditch his friends to spend time with you
Probably makes Crabbe and Goyle carry your bags or do things for you
So proud to be dating you, it might even make him more arrogant
Gets grumpy when jealous but after a kiss on the cheek heâs back to his normal selfÂ
Will invite you to his home and write you nearly every day during holidays
Hates it when Harry or any Gryffindor boy tries to talk to you
Surprisingly has no problem with PDA
Loves when you come to see him play during Quidditch matches
Tom Riddle:
Oh boy
It started with him admiring/watching you from afar, for a reason he canât understand
SUPER confused by what he feels for you and why
Will probably try to get closer to you through homework or through books if he sees you read one
Will know everything about you, and will secretly follow you, saving you if youâre in danger with you never knowing who saved you
Crazy about your perfume, so much so that it makes him steal one of your clothes just to be able to smell it anytime he wants
After a while, heâll spend most of his time with you without ever admitting he likes it
Will probably let you know his feelings for you after he cast a spell on a guy for being a creep with youÂ
Wonât let another man touch you
Will ask Mattheo for advice to be better or to make you fall in love with him
Will do your homework without hesitation, even if he pretends that he hates it, and will leave explanations so you understand his answers/his work
No PDA except for holding hands or your hand under his arm, but will make sure to stay close to you at all timesÂ
Is a surprisingly good listenerÂ
VERY jealous, but surprisingly isnât mad or suspicious at you
âDid you enjoy having his attention? Do you wish for me to show you how my attention is better?âÂ
He doesn't stress over homework or stuff like that, so he finds it ridiculous when you do (learns with time to be more understanding)
Will let flowers in your room with a note on it
Pretends to not care about the gifts you get him for his birthday or Christmas but it actually means so much to him as no one ever got him any gifts beforeÂ
Nothing the others say about him gets to him, but he gets angry when he hears someone say that you deserve better than him
As book!Tom who grew up in an orphanage: he's secretly insecure about his background and the fact that heâs poor, and thinks you deserve betterÂ
As Voldemort: Might be torn between continuing his goals for power or spending a simple life with you; is aware youâll leave him if he gets on a darker pathÂ
As Voldemortâs son: would do everything to protect you from his father, and if heâs forced to get the Dark Mark, he will makes sure you donât knowÂ
Possessive kissesÂ
Would hurt anyone who does you wrong
Borrows money from Draco to take you on dates or to get you gifts, as he feels like you deserve the nicest things, even though you keep telling him his mere presence is enough
May feel a little bit guilty that he canât properly show you his love like ânormalâ boyfriends doÂ
Wonât admit it but considers you the only good thing in his life, and if he ever lost you heâd get on a dark path
Wonât cuddle at first, but if you wake up first youâll find him sleeping close to you, with at least one of his hands touching you
Always notices when you donât eat, sleep or drink enough
Youâre the first (and only) person he will feel romantic love for
He has a bit of sexual experience before, but with you it's completely different - once you guys have sex for the first time, he becomes obsessed with your body and how it makes him feel
Loves fingering you
"You like it, dove?"
Even if you guys donât work out, he wonât ever be with somebody elseÂ
Would ask your parents for you hand in marriage, but honestly it's just out of politeness, the only answer that matters to him is yours
Regulus Black:
Like Blaise, he was raised the old fashioned way
Acts coldly towards everyone except you, his tone and eyes gets warmer and kinder when talking/looking at you, and youâre the only person heâll smile at
You were his best (and only) friend and he has been in love with you for years
He hides his feelings very well, but one day you start dating someone else (thinking Regulus doesnât share your feelings) but he canât bear it and confesses his feelings
Always defends you
Heâll take you on restaurants or picnics dates, always bringing flowers
Mostly fine with PDA (holding hands, hands on your waist)
Thinks heâs very lucky to have you
Probably already starts thinking of marrying you during your last year at HogwartsÂ
A bit jealous, but canât stand it when Sirius tries to talk to you
Will gladly do your homework with/for you
Loves it when you sleep in each otherâs arms, loves feeling you close
Loves it when you call him âReggieâ (only you is allowed to)
Will literally do everything you ask him to
Youâre everything to him
Canât stay away from you for long
Will get worried if youâre five minutes late
Always calls you âsweetheartâ or âloveâ/âmy loveâÂ
Slow, romantic sex most of the time but sometimes he needs to be rougher
Thanks to you heâll feel lighter and he will become kinder
Youâll even make him change his views on blood purity and stand up to his parents, and with time he gets closer to Sirius thanks to that (and you)Â
If that doesnât change and he still joins Voldemort, heâll leave you a letter before going to the cavern, saying how much he loves you and how much you mean to him
Harry Potter:
Donât expect any pet names from him, but he might create a nickname with your name (like he calls Ginny âGinâ in the Cursed Child)Â
His love languages are fierce protectiveness, loyalty and a patience he didnât knew he had
Has no problem with PDA because he doesnât care about what other people think Â
Loves cuddles
Rarely gets mad at you, and feels guilty when he does
Mostly gets mad at you when you hurt yourself (for example during Quidditch) but it's also because he was scared for you
Hot kisses in private
Will be jealous if he sees you with another guyÂ
Heâs passionate in a lot of things he does, and it includes you and everything you do
Will fiercely defend you again anyone, can even throw hands
Gets FURIOUS when Umbridge hurts you during detention, and will cuddle you for hours and do everything he can to make the pain disappear
Knows people are mean to you during fifth year because you're dating him and he hates it
During that year the only peace he feels is when he's holding you or when you sleep in his arms (it's also the only time he doesn't get nightmares)
Very supportiveÂ
Loves getting you giftsÂ
You make him feel SO happy, heâll just keep smiling for no reasonÂ
Gets more and more clingy with time
Always write to you during the holidays (you always invite him to come to your house)
I'm not sure about sex while you guys are at Hogwarts but he 100% feels lust for you, there will definitely be hot making sessions when you guys are alone in a dark corner of the castle and it often ends up with you against the wall with your legs around his waist while he kisses your neck and caresses your legs
However sometimes he just can't stop himself and will eat you out (even maybe finger you at the same time), and will be proud when you come
Any act of service you do for him means a lot
You're always worried about him when he's at the Dursleys but he reassures you that he's fine
Comes to you in the middle of the night if he has a nightmare and generally comes to you for comfort or to rantÂ
Needs you more than ever after Voldemort comes back and after Siriusâ deathÂ
Misses you like crazy during his quest for Horcruxes, and he canât bear the thought of something happening to youÂ
Might struggle to show it, but he knows and is thankful of how patient and comprehensive you are with him, and that makes him want to be the best boyfriend he can be
Terrified Voldemort might hurt/kill you
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Friends with Benefits with Love and Deepspace Men
Pairing: Zayne, Rafayel, Xavier, Sylus, Caleb x Fem!Reader
Tags: nsfw, smut, creampie, friends with benefits, protectiveness, love confession, fingering, realization of feelings, denaial of feelings, mating press, desk sex, jealusy, flirting, referanced cunnilingus
Ko-Fi | Rules | Fandoms and Characters | Commissions
A/N: I would legit want to be their friends. The benefit is heaing me yap about how pretty they all are and whatever my newest hyperfixation is.
FwB!Zayne always tries to keep things strictly professional beween the two of you. There's him when he is your friend and collegue and him when he's making love to you on the surface of his desk. It's easy for him to cross between the lines, one moment he's giving you advice or talking about problem he has and the next he has his hand down your underwear and the other over your mouth, keeping you quiet. He's actually very good at going between the two modes and will never cross a line without your permission. Any feelings he might develop he will only show when he's being your lover, not when he's your friend.
FwB!Rafayel hides behind the flirting he does to make you belive he;s not as serious as he is. There will always be a time for him to be your friend and listen to any problems you make have, go on movie dates with you, take you shopping and order your favorite food when you're sad. And then there is the time when he offers to take your mind off what ever is bothering you by holding you close while you ride his cock and breathe heavily against his neck. Ocassionaly you have said you loved each other, and both of you know it's true, but you want to take a bit more before your relationshp takes that next step.
FwB!Xavier gets too into his own head about the whole deal becuase how is supposed to act that he wasn't balls deep in you the night before when you walk funny in front of him. Downright impossible for him to ignore the signs you give him. And he really does try his best but he doesn't want to make it seem like he only wants you for sex so he ends up texting you a lot while you're apart. Which only confuses things more. Truly he wishes there was an easy way for him to deal with this. Perhaps the best thing is for him to confess that he wants to be your boyfriend, not just the guy who makes you come and then never talks about it again until the next time.
FwB!Sylus teases you so much that you have no idea when he wants to be your friend and when he wants to fuck. There have been times where he deliberately made you think one thing only to do the other. Mindgames like these are fun for him, and watching you get all out of sorts because of it is even better. For as many times as he's fucked you into the bed he was also the one to comfort you when you were full of doubts and wanted nothing in return. Part of him hates that you still see him as a friend after all of that but he also won't force you to see him as anything else. Besies it's only a matter of time before you do.
FwB!Caleb is too jealous to stay just friends after the very first night you spend togeteher. Stares at othe guys that flirt with you so much a few of them actually took off running in the opposite direction. He didn's spend the whole night eating you out until you could no longer scream his name just for some other guy to swoop in and take you home. Try as he might to hide his jealus side it's very much impossibe, his smile gets sour and tight every time you tell him a guy flirted with you. A man like him can only tolorate so much before he confesses to you while fucking you. Not even romantically, he growls it out while having you folded in half and just as he fills you up with cum.
#love and deepspace x reader#zayne x reader#rafayel x reader#xavier x reader#sylus x reader#caleb x reader#love and deepspace imagines#zayne imagines#rafayel imagines#xavier imagines#sylus imagine#caleb imagine#love and deepspace headcanons#zayne headcanons#rafayel headcanons#xavier headcanons#sylus headcanon#caleb headcanons#love and deepspace smut#zayne smut#rafayel smut#xavier smut#sylus smut#caleb smut#lads x reader#lads imagine#lads headcanons#lads fluff#x female reader
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sry for all the txt posts but i just remembered that line from stranger things s2 where hopper is leaving a note for eleven that says "i'm not mad, i'm just sorry" and im just. fucking essay in the tags
#avery.txt#also you can just blacklist that tag if i'm insufferable i will not be offended#but anyway.#lisaposting#buddy does some irrational dumb angry shit bc she's like. a teenager. and that's what teenagers do#brad cannot handle the possibility of her getting hurt by the outside world so he panics and gets mad at her and makes things worse#but then later he realizes he was lashing out bc of his fear. of course buddy is gonna act rebellious; she's a kid.#he's not mad he's just sorry.#gghghghghhhgghh just fucking punch me so hard i explode into dust#listen as a former teen (who is/was very ND but even aside that) i know how i acted/thought & i can't imagine how difficult that is on#*parents. your kid who you love rejects your affection bc it's not cool & there's all this posturing abt being grown up & rebellious agains#*ur parents. for a while ur kid will just act hostile towards u & u really can't do much abt it. at least for me it was a phase i came out#*of when i was around 20-22 when i started to really see my parents as People and start to understand their actions when i was a teenager#so when i think abt brad i think abt how not only did he have to deal w normal teen stuff he also had to deal w how much his trauma affecte#*his relationship with his daughter & how she's responded to it. he can see her patterns & behavior & how she's used to it but now she's#asking questions that he can't answer bc he's terrified of what might happen if she knows everything. so she gets mad as a result#and things just deteriorate from there until all they do is fight and she yells at him for always being drunk and he yells at her that#*without him she'd be dead and that she's too young to know everything and she yells that she wishes he wasn't her father#and he doesn't have a comeback for that one because some part of him knows he's echoing some stuff from his own father#the addiction and neglect and anger followed him no matter how much he tried to run from them and what if it follows her too.#what if he ruined her the same way his father ruined him. what if he failed to protect this girl who he thought he was safe to love.#ok im gonna stop now bc i need to SLEEP but i have a lot of really fucking complicated feelings about brad#bc i sympathize with his trauma so deeply but how he treated his kids breaks my fucking heart
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