#lines that make me so fucking mentally ill
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clownprince · 2 years ago
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Genuinely have not stopped thinking about these lines from Batman: The Audio Adventures since I first read them.
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"... and we are redeemed by the madness we share."
I don't even have a silly little meta or anything for this I just. Ouhhhghhuughhiuhhhhfgg. This shit is constantly playing on a loop in the back of my mind.
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lunarrosette · 1 year ago
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He’s all I’m thinking abt rn :(
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ozymoron · 9 months ago
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reading posts that come across my dash and sitting for a minute to debate with my mental disorder if not reblogging this will mean a hell portal will open beneath my feet and i will suffer for eternity for my lack of action or if its all good and i can just scroll on by (its usually the hell portal thing)
#⚠️#personal#having ocd makes making moral decisions so fucking hard for no reason#cause ill see a post thats like info or seems important and like i can tell its that kind of post just by skimming it st first and somethin#clicks in my brain that just tells me if i dont share that post everyone will know and think im a horrible person#regardless of what the actual post is about#i need like a handbook on how to make proper moral decisions#cause like yeah i do care about things i try to share stuff about things i care about and believe are important but sometimes i dont have#the energy to read long as posts and my brain twists it to make it out that people will know and i am the bad guy#idk my ocds telling me even saying this makes me a bad person#the fact i even struggle with this#sometimes i think im not built for social media but really i think social medias not built for people like me#maybe i should get help for my ocd but the idea of describing all the shit going on in my brain to someone just makes me feel scared#cause like i dont know when to draw the line at making something a problem i should actively have a hand in helping#how much is too much when do i stop#<- in regards to my own mental health like the mental exhaustion that can come from it i hope this makes sense#like some things you gotta invest like emotional shit into and like sometimes im just tired and i come on here and im faced with one of#those posts and i just have to debate with myself what the fuck im supposed to do#this is more a me issue than anything i need to sort this shit out with some mental health professional or something#cause like i dont want to have people think i dont care about these things i do and ik pressing reblog takes like no energy but idk man#im not even sure if some of the shit i reblog is cause i care or is just an ocd compulsion#i feel like most times its both#i cant help but think im the problem here i want to be on social media its just so draining having my mind repeatedly hound me for not like#showing enough care (reblogging more posts) about a certain issue online#idk im so tired of it all im so tired of my mind i wish i didnt have ocd#vent#so funny right after i posted this i scrolled down and one of these posts was rigjt beneath it and the debate happens all over again#lord i need to get out of here
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wild-at-mind · 8 months ago
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Had a really stupid conversation via minor emotional breakdown with a queer friend about what makes an LGBTQ person 'assimilist'. From what she said I'm kind of forced to draw the conclusion 'if you say you're not assimilist, then you're not'.
#i love her but none of it makes any sense to me#i think i really just wanted her to see that this kind of rhetoric is no good if you're fundamentally unable to see yourself as having valu#to a community- which is where i'm still at sometimes unfortunately.#i would say that i may not be the only one since mental illness + self esteem issues + being lgbtq are not exactly unlinked#but i have basically never found anyone else who has my particular hangups...maybe online once ages ago#so in my own mind i'm the most assimilist lgbtq who ever existed- not even worthy to call myself queer#and it's nice that she thinks i am not like that and in fact am 'one of the good ones'#who is not assimilist- look i know that 'one of the good ones' usually means the opposite ok i know! it's just an impression i get#she's like telling me obviously i'm all good because i look like i do but all i can hear is#that if i didn't look like this then i'm an assimilist#i fucking hate my brain honestly no one asked me to have a mental breakdown at their house (thank god i didn't cry)#and then go home and that's when i cry because i saw a trans guy's 'this many years on t' post and i felt like shit because#i haven't done anything about transitioning in ages and i'm not even out at work :'(#like i know i'm an assimilist because my main reason for not coming out at work is not wanting to do the beaurocracy#of changing my name on my email and every fucking log in i have on everything- telling every single person i interact with#i just can't it's too much and my line manager is worse than useless#but i have 'my job is computer and doing emails all day' privilege so i don't like to talk to people about it
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apollo-zero-one · 7 months ago
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Man I can't believe I had the chance to go to a performing arts school up through middle school and I fuckin quit after 6 months just because I got bullied. BRO YOUR HOMEWORK WAS POETRY!! YOU HAD TO PRACTICE DANCING TO COTTON EYE JOE AS YOUR BIG UNIT TEST. GYM CLASS HAD A CIRCUS UNIT!! YOU HAD A WHOLE DAILY CLASS ON IMPROV!!! YOU FOOL!! YOU ABSOLUTE IMBICILE!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A YOUTUBER!!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE TWEENAGERS GETTING LOADED BY MAKING SHITTY YOUTUBE SHORTS IN 2008-14!! But noooOoooOOOoo little miss Noellie (who WANTED TO GO!! who worked SO HARD and sent in an application essay and did an INTERVIEW to get in!!) couldn't handle disruptive classmates or little scuffles and petty grudges and general Attitude of the other students and cried to mommy to put her back in public school. I am EATING MY HAIR over what Could Have Been. I COULD BE SOMEONE'S ANNOYING YOUTUBER!! I could be a DISGRACED DISNEY CHANNEL STAR!! I could be an America's Got Talent winner! A mild to moderately successful comedian! I could be making short films!! But no no no precious thin skinned baby me heard a few new cus words and watched a teacher get heckled and begged to give up The Dream in favor of?? Quiet math tests?? I am such a fucking quitter I quit everything the second it gets too hard I always take the out as soon as it's offered what's my fucking damage.....
#I had SO MUCH POTENTIAL and I SQUANDERED IT!! weak ass third grade PUSSY! Your life could have been SO SICK!!#or you could at least be addicted to cocain or something interesting like that!! Boring ass goody two shoes always just staying home doing#NOTHING bitch make a REAL FRIEND go to a God Damn PARTY live a little instead of just hiding in the closet eating saltine crackers for years#waiting for it to be quiet outside before you ever even toed the line#mentally ill self-isolating motherfucker#you could have shrugged it off you could have GROWN A PAIR and FOUGHT BACK but you just ran and cried for mommy#victim complex little bitch baby always whining and exaggerating and making shit up fucking LIAR I am you and I KNOW what you did and I know#you knew it wasn't the truth and you regretted it the moment it came out of uour mouth but once you'd said it you just swallowed it back and#doubled down incriminating or discrediting others with your lies. For why? Because you didn't like them? You could have ruined someone's#life you wouldn't have hesitated mayhe you did and don't even remember because you cant keep your mouth shut with your pants ablaze#manipulative little shit and to WHAT END? Pity? Sympathy? Attention? Entertainment?? What was even going on in your stupid ugly head?#This is a callout post for my third grade self that possessed demon ass evil nine year old. That kid drowned anthills in olive oil and#poisoned a wild animal once. That kid cut plants just to see if they oozed. That kid modified her whole ass personality on a dime for a boy#she had a crush on. INSTANTLY dropped a LIFELONG CULTURAL ALLEGIANCE (thats what football teams were like back then in our town) because he#said he had the opposite allegiance??? What the fuck? girl had NO integrity none zip zilch.#No empthy either that kid looked at everyone else on earth like they were friggin space aliens and she was the only one with Real feelings.#bitch literally thought like 'I have Feelings they just have Reactions' bitch what the fuckkkkk#that nine year old was fucked the hell up!!!#and for literally NO REASON!! No cause!! Just born fucking evil and weird. jesus fuck.#Evil ass bitch caused her autistic brother months of nightmares and then laughed about it and wrote poetry about how evil he was because he?#was a kid??? Normal sibling rivalry taken way way way too far defamatory ass statements#and this girl had NO CONSEQUENCES because she could lie and manipulate her way out of ANYTHING she had the baby eyes and the helpless charm#and played dumb soooo well . read people like some calculative evil AI scanning their faces for microexpressions and overanalyzing each word#choice like holy shit. its not That Deep. pretentious shit trying to play 5D chess on a checkers board.#Manipulating shit just to see what happens?? zero awareness?? no asking just skipping straight to testing for yourself??#'What happens if I step on this' it fucking breaks 'what does that taste like?' it's not fucking yours to mess with 'if I hit this person#how will they respond?' they'll be upset use your goddamn judgement you are NINE not TWO do you even care a little about any other person??#Are you just living in some other reality???#callout post for the fucking demon child inside of me#im so goddamn problematic I'm so so so deeply mentally disturbed and broken for no reason
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flovverworks · 8 months ago
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after a billion yrs i added a lil line about my gbf verse.....<3 one day i might flesh it out to something in-universe, but since gbf is so "oh ure from another world? ya that happens..." i....am gonna keep w that..........(also cuz i do think discussing the different ways of magic, moon-enemy & this n that is more fun like this
#stardust speaking !#i do wanna write but im unsure when ill do so#anyway i need to talk abut that one 1.5 moment with that weird car horn sfx after murrs fancy speech cuz i#was thinking about it again due to one of the descriptions in the alterego event#i still didnt check the website btw is it available info why snows adult and whites a kid or is that a waiting game cuz#that.....#sometimes when i think abuot paradoxroid i think about them. that one was fkd up#snow&white r so fascinating to me#snow & white & figaro & oz are even more fascinating#oz who only started learning abut the world because arthur asked things about the world.................#oz who made arthur pancakes.................................#they make me ill. figaro feels like he should be the most welladapted cuz in some ways he IS. guy who lies about his power and age and love#humans and that one offhand line in 2nd anni about how he has cared for kids!??!? dude i need to reread 2nd anni did that ever get brought#up again#but figaro & love is................guy who leaves when he thinks he isnt loved anymore#<-guy who was taught by snow&white who valued e/o the most#2nd anni makes me lose my mind. figaro and fausts convo. both who felt like it was the other who left LIKE FIGAROS SURPRISE WAS UNREEEAAALL#somethings deeply wrong with him i am so intrigued#i need to go reread his pt2 parts like what the actual hell dude#the mental gymnastics he does in one part is ? id like to study u and the twins under a microscope#this is all shallowly/casually speaking about it btw theres a lot of things left&right about all of these topics that makes them very yummy#i think what gets me the most about pt2 is that a lot of it is things that we alrdy knew regarding characters feelings etc. such as figaro#but seeing them say it themself makes me faint#OH MY GOOODDDDDD THE FLASHBACK CONVO WITH OZ AND FIGARO? ABOUT WOULD U SAVE THE PERSON U LOVE OR THE WORLD#AND HOW FIGARO ENDS UP FALTERING DEAR LOOOOORRRDDDDDDDDDDDDD#fucked up family (affectionate)#i need to think of modern aus again i thought about arthur calling snow & white granpa for one second and everything hrut#ok im sorry i dont know what possessed me. i promise ill be rereading stuff soon#one more thing. fausts part in pt2. god. but in this cursed world the sage trusted me...
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fakecats · 8 months ago
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guys should i make a during the events of EP amv or a post EP amv..
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better-in-pencil · 9 months ago
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so tumblr just recommend a terf post to me, supposedly ‘based on my likes!’…. tumblr please tell me what the hell I liked, so I can unfucking like it.
Anyways while we’re here, a reminder, transphobes/terfs/radfems you are not welcome on my blog please fuck off
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diseaseriddencube · 11 months ago
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i keep going back to read sparklecare thinking i'll like it but i just...don't
maybe i'm silly but it feels very flat? I still have no real grasp on the characters or attachment to them, I have vague ideas of a few of their main traits but not much else. I'm aware the entire comic is basically vent art, it does just read like a child's fanfic though..not to be insulting to fanfiction, but it does have a certain style or writing or joking to it. I don't dislike it either, but the writing and characters just don't vibe with me, i don't have the words to adequately explain why though
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earmo-imni · 2 years ago
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Why must my mother constantly engage in a fucking pissing match with my eleven-year-old brother.
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todayisafridaynight · 2 years ago
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Its SO upsetting how often the bad guys don't get to have a lasting turnaround. You see it with random side characters, but c'mon guys. Just let them go to prison for a little while and have them come back. I promise you do not have to kill a character off, or base the character off a real life person, thus narrowing their chances of a return even thinner, while building up the possibility of a comeback. This franchise has cursed me with such lovable characters I'll never see again, and my heart can't keep at it like this.
I'm gonna have to just take that suddenly-dropped-off-a-cliff-storyline into my own hands. Gotta pick up all the slack. They're too good at giving tender, heart wrenching moments to characters we'll never see again. Way too good.
Not sure if you know the streamer Crystal, but her reaction to the ending of 3 was the most extreme I've ever seen. She was full on breakdown sobbing, and even the chat was asking if she was okay. RGG look at the hearts you're breaking out here 🙃 Also, your posts about Mine and that ending are beautiful, and you could talk about it a million times. It'll never get old.
the most egregious- pardon the pun- execution of this trope in rgg games is aoki's death.
like legitimately, his death did not need to happen. the past antagonists you could make a decent point for why their deaths were justified (ryuji's probably being the goofiest ngl) but aoki's felt as though rgg was just checking off a to-do list.
i don't really watch rgg content creators, but if someone could send me a clip of that i'd be down to watch: always a fan of watching people be emo over Y3's ending
and speaking of, thank you i have strong enough mental illness that all i can do is talk about that scene over and over again :)
#snap chats#the worst part is im only partially joking about being mentally ill#like i just think of that one directioner fan being a super fan until they took medication and then they were normal#pretty sure if i did the same I Too would have shut up four months ago but to our benefit/dismay medicine's hard to get so <3#i am simply a dog chasing its tail and by that i mean i will simply talk about mine and y3's ending until i die#or until my mental illness latches onto something else idk#but yeah it sucks dick how rgg does so many great and emotional scenes#but like. we never get to fully see that pay off with characters like mine or aoki#like i want to see them have to face the consequences of their actions- ESPECIALLY mine#mine makes me the most deranged Obviously but i just want to know how daigo would react and treat him#we only get a semblance of how daigo felt after Y3 via the rggo story but its not enough#i want daigo to be upset with mine i want mine to HAVE to work things through with daigo#because unfortunately i dont think daigo would just cut mine off i think he still would try to figure out what the fuck was going on#idk i just need something to happen to mine that crushes him and has him rethink his ways a bit#'crushes' yk like. something beside the pavement---#i wouldnt want him to totally change tho. i like him deranged but just channel that deranged behavior to their benefit#brb thinking about mine saying he wouldnt be acting up if daigo didnt get shot again jesus christ i think of that line every day#OK I HAVE TO GO DO A COMM RN ACTUALLY I'LL BE MENTALLY ILL LATER BYYYE FEEL FREE TO SEND ASKS AND ENABLE ME
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thebleedingeffect · 1 hour ago
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Man, I have issues, huh. Anyway I'm going to bed about it
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challengers · 20 days ago
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despite the lukewarm response to the Hannibal panel at NYCC, i am praying to every god out there that this is not the last time they attend an event together, because i only got into Hannibal a few months ago, and even though i was lucky enough to get photos and autographs with them this time, i would give just about anything to see them at least one more time
#and maybe next time i won't be so shy and can tell them how much i love them instead of just saying 'hi' and 'thank you so much'#and barely making eye contact#next time i want a selfie at the autograph table too#didn't know that was even an option until i got there and didn't have enough cash left on me#NYCC was surprisingly unorganized for a con that's been in existence for 18 years#i know its not easy to hold such a large scale event#but there were a lot of details that were not clarified beforehand ANYWHERE for first-time attendees#and i did my research on google/reddit/etc beforehand too and was still ill-prepared#like how people could show up day-of and get in the same autograph line ahead of me even though i paid in advance#(i almost didn't get an autograph from mads AT ALL because of this - thank god i barely got thru the line in time)#or how there would be VIP seats at panels that they would just randomly tell people to come up and fill so it was a rush to the stage#or how they said we would all get WWDITS shirts and then had absolutely no plan for handing them out so barely anyone got them#also the layout of the javits center is the most fucked up horribly confusing building i've ever had to navigate in my life lol#barely had time to stop people to take pics of cosplay because i was so confused about where the hell i was going at all times#i was really struggling badly with my mental the entire trip which didn't help at all#anyway. i wish i got just a few more seconds with mads and hugh and wasn't so shy and dissociative and rushed#i miss them already#now i'm going to go cry in my bed and delusionally pretend that they will remember me forever despite me being extremely forgettable
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piplupod · 2 months ago
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hmmm. having a hard time parsing my thoughts and feelings about one of the centre staff's situation w her grown-up children and also the way she talks to me about a Lot of it. i think i am overwhelmed and uncomfortable fdsjkl i think i am becoming extremely stressed because of this
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steampoweredskeleton · 3 months ago
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Ignore
#delete later#im so exhausted and stressed. theres such a lack of stability and its freaking me out SO much. im just constantly tense and waiting#for something terrible to happen. im starting to think that im not gonna get to go to the entomology thing ive been hoping#how i can't do things independently and i must have been forced into this abd rhen it'll get cruel towards my friends abd i cant#and my aunt is getting worse abd my parents are waiting for me to fail abd have to move bsck with them which i can't do bc#to go to for months bc ill probably need to use that time off for preparing to move. which sucks. ive been looking forward to it#i was letting myself get my hopes up and that was a mistake bc now im rly disappointed. im hoping i can go but honestly#idk if it'd be financially responsible. same with comic con. its in october so i can probably go but it might not be a financially#good idea. it just. the things i was counting on to be stable sources of joy are not stable anymore and that's making everything worse#and im tryinh to be positive but im so anxious. theres just so much. i need to think about packing and try to figure out#how im going to move 1-2 hours away. how am i going to coordinate with movers whilst having to get the train to meet them#im disabled and cabt help move things so only getting one person ro deliver worries me. movers arent insured to take ppl with them#theres just SO MUCH. And i can't view properties easily bc of work so im missing out on multiple places that ive been contacting#ppl about abd i couldnt line up enough for last week when i was off bc it was too short notice and i just. its TOO MUCH TOO MUCH#im overwhelmed. im trying to think of the food im gonna cook when im there ahd the armchair im gonna buy#im gonna eat so much fucking lamb and fish oh ny god im excited for THAT#i wany to just go for the shittiest place to at least have some stability and bc i still have yhat kernel of thought that i dont#deserve comfort but im trying to fight it bc i do. i deserve somewhere nice and its unfair on myself not to find somewhere nice#especially as ill be living alone. i cant go for places that have no natural light or are four stories up or are a mile away from the train#station bc that will wreck my mental health and i wont have ready access to socialising that can stabilise me. gotta be fair#to myself. but THATS PROVING REAL DIFFICULT#im doing good saving though so thats nice i guess. fuck me moving is expensive. moving when you've got zero kitchen supplies is#even more so. gonna be an Interesting first couple days in the new place.#it will be. very bad. they keep texting me asking about it and i have to be positive bc otherwise itll become a conversation about#field all that shit when im like this. i just cant. that requires so much fucking energy i dont have. and i wont move back#id frankly rather die. and trying to not say that and decline politely sucks. bc they get the look of#oh we're not good enough huh#and i can't field their fucking feelings. i either need a pause button or a fast forward. id take either one#so many of these tags ended up out of order whoops. but these arent meant to be read anyway#i just need to scream bc idk what else to do
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mxmc13 · 4 months ago
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sometimes I think about how my toxic ex accused me of sending them a video of me h*ng*ng myself and that’s wild to me— like, sure i might’ve recorded a video of me talking after my attempt but I always delete videos of me ranting and shit and I know for golly I would never. Hell, I didn’t text them at ALL during that period of time
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