#like......... idk from what i've read about them it just sounds unhealthy

[midwestemoismid]

Do you ever love a character so much you sorta steal your entire personality from them,,

<autism rant>

Cuz like I'm obsessed with Nicole from class of '09, if sorta stolen my whole humor from her, Which isn't really a good thing because shes kinda a piece of shit, the game revolves around her being a horrible person or trying to kill herself or something like that, I'm not like as mentally ill as her, but my humor has evolved to be similar to Nicole and ive sorta had this not care attitude. I've also been really jokingly mean to one of my best friends (he knows its a joke, thats our humor) but I accidentally did that to my little brother and felt SO bad lmao,, (he said something very obviously and I loudly go "yeah no fucking shit bitch" then started apologizing profusely) This other time I was playing blooket w/ that same friend and I did something that made him eat a fake burger and I went really loud "have this fucking burger you fat ass bitch" and hje just stared at me like wtf,, and the other person on the call (who I just met) was SHOCKED.

i'm not a bad person,, hes okay with me making those jokes btw

well im sorta a bad person but i'm working on that

i sorta hate having obsessions over character because i want to BE THEM. and it sucks even more when theyre a horrible person--and when theyre a girl,, cuz like i want to de-transition and become a terrible person and chane my name to Nicole WHAT THE FUCK WHY I DONT KNOW and like i had an alt acc on tiktok where i used she/her and named myself nicole and it was like a class of 09 fanpage sorta. and like i dont wanna be a bad person nor do i wanna hurt people feelings or be addicted to drugs AT ALL but like NICOLE🙏🙏🙏

this always happens when i have some sort of obsession. i dont typically have favorites but when i do its like an obsession

and like one other problem with being obsessed with nicole is i accidentally obsess over mental illness and (stuff i shouldnt obsess over), wich is really bad and unhealthy.

I gain little obsessions over certain things, like right now im REALLY obsessed with a game called "bad parenting" and it's a really really sad game. I wont spoil it but its genuinelly depressing and made me cry. after i saw it i wanted to hug my dad and tell him i loved him for being a good dad. ive been listening to the backround song on repeat for a bit, i might even draw fanart of it idk,, but i feel like i shouldnt be hyper obsessed with it

as a kid i also was really obsessed with "salad fingers" wich had a sadish theme to it, i kinda forget the plot but i thought it was interesting and how the main charecter was kinda messed up.

I also really like "little miss fortune" wich was also really sad. again i dont remember the plot my childhood is sorta a blur and i dont remember it well

"Sally face" is another sad game i liked. not gonna spoilt it but i loved the supernatural bit and there was a lot of death.

I also really love horror movies, ESPECIALLY horror movies that go into psychology. Like for example, saw is pretty interesting because its cool to see if people would rather cut of an arm or die. I know it's fake but it's still really cool.

Theres a lot i find interesting but i dont wanna sound like im actually insane lol

This ran went in so many placed i forgot what the original post was about😭 took me abt 2 and 1/2 class period to wright

If you read this all, thanks! If you relate reblog or comment (or make a new post and tag me) and tell me what charecter you relate to/obsess over

[oh-no-its-bird]

YOU!!!!!!

[Grabs you by the collar and shakes you]

Youuuuu...

I was scrolling around at way too late at night and saw one of your posts, and I love your posts, so I went to your blog, and bing bada boom, I see the Izuna in Wonderland post and I read through it. I enjoy the writing and the ideas and the art (how dare you be good at both writing and art (affectionate)) and I reach the end and that last drawing.

The one where Madara is like "oh yeah only the Senju could heal u so we have a peace treaty with them now-" That fucking drawing of Madara, has grabbed my by the balls and refused to let go, what the fuck.

He looks so fucking soft and sleepy but like in an unhealthy sick Victorian child way. He looks like he would tell me not to go to school tomorrow bc he likes me but I'd go anyway bc what he really means is like hey take a mental health day bc school is hell, he's just too sleep deprived to realize(care) how evil he sounds. He looks like he either has hair the texture of burnt straw or the fluffiest softest hair imaginable, no in between. He looks like he gives great hugs but could (and would and has) also use those hugs to suffocate someone to death. He looks like a sneeze could kill him and also he is the creator of every virus known to man.

It's the fucking soft yet untamed hair, the creasing and maybe slight puffiness around his eye, the slight coloring (redness I assume) to his nose, the sweat that might be nervousness, might be him having literally worried himself sick at his brother's side and now he has a fever.

I already liked the way you drew Madara, I like all your Madara drawings, but for some reason, this one broke something in me and I can't stop myself from wanting to write fanfiction while spinning this specific Madara around in my head like a rotisserie chicken. Idk if what I'm saying makes sense, it's late, I'm tired, I barely slept last night. I just want you to know that this Madara drawing now lives in my head rent free and if I ever get around to writing the various TobiMada fics in my head, this is how I will imagine him.

Also, love how draw Hashirama too. He looks like a Mii character that got ROM hacked to have a Battle Cats face. And also how grumpy and low effort Tobi looks in here too, his more detailed design is great too. Also I like how you draw Izuna- BASICALLY, I LOVE ALL YOUR CHARACTER DESIGNS, THIS ONE JUST BROKE ME FOR SOME REASON. I'M GONNA STOP WRITING NOW, I NEED TO SLEEP.

I'm fucking crying actually thank you??????? Nicest thing anyone's ever told me about my stuff, I'm gonna explode wtf

Also I can tell you haven't slept in a while so oh my god go do that

Pls take this quick Madara in thanks, I tried to do my best to draw him how I did in the Izuna in Wonderland comic but idk if I did him justice

I've been struggling to find a good way to draw him consistsntly, so I will internalize what u have told me and try to keep that sickly Victorian man energy going forward

[floralcrematorium]

fuck it, band AU time

with my mounting zine deadlines and drawings i owe friends for their b-days, idk if i'll ever get to draw the accompanying material i wanted to, so it is time to yap everyone's ear off. apologies if this is a mess! it's been a hot minute since i've properly spewed my nonsense out loud

i think i wanna talk abt Nat first... I love using Natalya in narrative works -- she's so so interesting to me and the character i've fleshed out the most

in Band AU, Natalya is a solo pop musician whose earlier music takes heavy inspiration from ethereal wave and dark cabaret. artists who frequent the playlist i've made for her are birdeatsbaby, revue noir, and then a bit of the dresden dolls and mirabilis. here's a hyperlink to her WIP playlist!

as for subject matter, her music probably deals a lot with existentialism and self identity

at the start of her career, Nat is very experimental in her sound, presentation, and image. i like to think she sees her music videos and stage performances as a version of semi-abstract performance art. she's very into symbolism

the pop part of her sound comes a bit later, after she starts dating Alfred Jones, the front man of Multifacet, an alternative(?) rock band (gonna be real, i have NOT nailed down what their sound is yet). her relationship with Alfred is mutually unhealthy - they are somewhat codependent and both feel a need to perform due to media pressure. he's using her for her preexisting fame, she uses him to feel the lonely void she feels

Nat cracks under the pressure. She was a very popular artist before dating Alfred, but she had control. When they start dating, her own achievements begin to be overshadowed. Her career becomes inescapably intertwined with Alfred's. She hits an absolute breaking point

as of right now, the sound of nat's music when she's with alfred is a bit like rina sawayama's. i find her voice gorgeous and i like the sound of urgency in the songs I have added to Nat's playlist -- it's a stark difference from her earlier slower music. I think Frankenstein embodies Nat at this point in her career the best

i know billie eilish is WAY too mainstream for Nat's taste, but I can't help but think of The Diner from billie's latest album for the AmeBel breakup...

also I much prefer platonic AmeBel - I think when in a romantic relationship, these two enable the worse parts of one another. however as just friends, they work quite well! anyway the best way I can sum up how I see AmeBel is:

someone else: what do you even see in him? Nat: he makes me laugh. he's stupid. i like that in a man.

I think the constant theme for Nat is a constant searching for a sense of identity because she continually destroys the identity she's built. I think Nat is a little insecure and to truly flourish, she needs to find some confidence. she also needs a good support system, which comes in the form of Tereza (miss Czechia), but I'll talk about them at a different time (wink wink, nudge nudge)

If I have to give you examples of Nat's different "Eras":

Debut: The Silent, The Tragic Tantrum She's having fun. Nat's a bit cryptic, she's eclectic, and enjoys putting on a show on stage. Start of the AU: Girl Anachronism, The Dresden Dolls I associate Girl Anachronism a lot with Nat in general, band AU aside Dating Alfred: Frankenstein, Rina Sawayama The lyrics of this one really hit for Nat. "All I want is to feel beautiful inside and out/You're the one who can save me from myself." This is when AmeBela are mutually codependent Breakup: Nothing Lasts, Glycerine I don't have anything to add other than this is an old personal favorite of mine. That's it. Breakup, but with plot relevance: The Diner, Billie Eilish I really want to use the lines "I'll go back to the diner/I'll write another letter/I hope you'll read it this time/You better" Nat and Al are having a very public breakup, that's all I have to say Healing: Seventeen, birdeatsbaby Nat's like. 27 at the start of this AU, but I think the themes are still relevant. I also LOVE the dramatic and grandiose intro to the song -- I feel like it's a return to form for her... Healing Nat Part Two: I Always Hang Myself With The Same Rope, birdeatsbaby

Nat will get a happy ending. I do need to figure out in more detail in what ways she damages Alfred, but I think with the general theme of the whole AU being a cautionary tale about fame and the effects it has on an individual, I've focused more on the "good ending" route with Nat's story. She has a moment of self realization and puts in the time to work on herself.

[yandere-awakening]

My bf told me too much detail about a girl he met before me. Now I'm suffering so much from jealousy and thoughts of him with her. I want him all to myself, idc if she's in his past, I don't want to share him ever.

Also, she had the guts to dm me and she told me I'm not special and she said whatever my bf did for me and with me he did with her. She told me to remember my place and I'll never live up to her, she got him first.

My bf and that girl never was in a relationship, he tried to like her but he just couldn't. But she kept on coming on to him and she made him so bf stuff for her or else she would be aggressive and mad at him. She even forced him to ask her to be his gf but he said enough and he stopped contacting her.

She then proceed to get a bf and she contacted my bf telling him she got a bf now. But then she keeps on coming to my bf for "advice" regarding her bf and talking shit about her bf to my bf.

I wish she would just go disappear :)

Are you asking for advice??

Edit: I might end up writing a lot here so you can read it over and see what sounds doable and would work for you both.

For yourself, take solace in knowing that he isn't interested in her and never was. So she can do whatever she likes, but at the end of the day, his heart is with you. She "got him first," but she also lost him and there's a reason he's with you now.

Let him know you're feeling jealous and ask if it's okay to ask for reassurance. I've asked my boyfriend straight up, "do you wish you were with her instead? Do you find her more attractive?" etc and he's okay with it because I let him know beforehand and he knows about my jealousy and insecurity.

Things and activities are made special because of the people we do them with. He's rewriting those things he did with her, with you, someone he actually loves. And I'm sure you'll do new things and make new memories together, much more than she ever had with him.

Even speaking as outside of a yandere perspective, this girl sounds unhealthy and seems to be causing you and your bf distress (outside of your own mental responsibilities). I don't know if you live near each other, but I would recommend blocking her on everything. And if she tries to make new accounts or whatever, just keep doing it. Idk if your bf feels this way, but he is not obligated to respond to her or help her, he's not responsible for her mental stability, etc. SHE is, and so that's her own business.

I honestly don't know how good advice this is, but I hope it works out and you can find a balance between all of it. Normally I wouldn't recommended cutting off someone you're jealous of, but like I said she seems toxic and not someone your bf should have to be in contact with regardless of the context.

[svnflowermoon]

hi luie (can i call u luie? i think it sounds really romantic and cute but if u dont like it let me know)

u said in ur intro post that ur a lesbian & a certified romantic advice giver, so i thought maybe u could help me out or tell me what u think?

so 3 years ago i really liked this girl (lets call her M) i was best friends with, and we both knew that we both were interested in girls. M eventually told me that she liked me so much and i told her i liked her too. we didnt really do anything about it, bc we didnt know what to do. then the next year we were in different classes and stopped being best friends, i kinda forgot about liking M. then the year after that (last year) we were in the same class again and i started to like M again.

but then i found out (not from her) that right after M told me she really liked me she had asked our mutual friend ‘bmgf?’ and idk what they did as girlfriends but they stopped being girlfriends after a few months (?) . and then i found out M dated this other girl for 4 months… i was really upset and confused about this

so back to the fact i started liking M again. we am were in the same class and were sort of friends but not really. some things happened (when we got hurt bc M tripped over me she kept holding my hands and not letting go and asking me if i was ok, and she waves at me from the bus stop and makes eye contact, and one time i was waving at another friend and M came up to me and held my hand for a few seconds and then let go)

so now i dont like M so much anymore but i am so confused and i dont really know what to do… what do you think? what do you think i should do?

anyways im so sorry that it’s so long and if its too complicated u dont have to answer it but thanks anyways for reading

(im from nz too btw!)

from anon 🫀

hi angel!! (sorry in advance this is such a long answer you probably expected like three sentences 😭)

yes ofc you can that's so cute i love that so much everyone should call me that <3

ahhh yes i am indeed both of those and no one has asked for romantic advice in a while so yayyy this is exciting!!

OHHHH WOW OKAY i know the feeling babe i've been in a similar situation especially with the drifting apart part

that's so weird omg, like the fact that you both said you liked each other and then she went off and dated other people?? (i hope i'm interpreting this right ahsjzhsjkhd)

ok the holding hands and stuff lowkey sounds like flirting (especially the part where you're with another friend like in my experience that kind of thing tends to have some kind of meaning behind it) where like she's too awkward to do anything more?? maybe she's trying to figure out if you still like her or if you've gotten over her??

i honestly don't really know what you should do but i can tell you what i'd do in that situation.

(generally i wouldn't recommend this bc it can be unhealthy but in this scenario your whole friendship seems very on and off so it might actually be beneficial) you said you don't like her so much anymore, and when that happens to me i always just take a (metaphorical) step back. like i don't push them away or anything but i just kind of distance myself from them. see how M reacts if you put a bit of distance between the two of you, by doing that you can kind of figure out how she feels about you??

if it doesn't help/give you any indication of how she feels about you then it will definitely give you some clarification on how you feel about her. idk but it sounds from what you're saying that you're not entirely sure how you feel about her rn. having some space between you tends to be more difficult if there's strong romantic feelings. i've found that there's been a few crushes where i put some space between us and was SO releived it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders?? like it was hard bc we were close friends but she was like super bad for me and i had felt myself getting more negative about life in general whenever i was around her??? that's a special case though like we just genuinely weren't compatible and if we'd dated like she'd wanted us to we would have absolutely gone up in flames lmaooo

but anywayyy i feel like im rambling

so like I'd just try put some space between the two of you bc that can clarify a lot of things for you.

if you realise from her reaction that she is interested in you + you are interested in her, then go for it!! at that point it's up to you to decide how to go on but i would probably say make the first move bc even though she seems fine to confess she might not be confident to actually start anything?? which would be why nothing came of it in the first place but idk?

if you get the feeling that she doesn't really care that you're distancing yourself, then you can probably assume that she's not interested in you anymore.

if this is the case, then the best move is to try to get over her.

i have no advice for getting over people because i have never gotten over anything in my life but if you decide that getting over her is for the best then i wish you the best!!

and if you realise that your feelings for her aren't as strong as you thought, then that speaks for itself.

anyway if you've made it this far i hope this massive answer had one or two sensible bits of advice amongst my rambling and feel free to ask more questions ml <33 also hi to another nz mutual (?) idk if we're mutuals but yeah ily <33

[dumbdomb]

Can CNC blogs interact? Sorry was a little confused for r4pe kink def that’s all. Also, what about people who reblog from some of the turn offs you mention but not those specific kinks? I reblog some stuff from (respectful, non transphobic, usually trans, have to check because it can be really bad) de trans blogs but never de trans stuff. Also thank you for your users who don’t consent, blocked the icky daddy or whatever that guy was trying to be. I’m into hard kinks but w consent always :/ that guy has been sort of creepy abt young girls too though. I just want to understand and respect your boundaries fully 👍

this IS a cnc blog... so, yeah... i don't like how people talk or play around with "rape kink" bc it's usually very rough, forceful, doesn't include foreplay, always centered around painful and fast penetration (no lube style) and that's NOT what i'm into... at all. ever. i don't want people to treat me that way, and idk how else to make that any clearer when i get asks like this... (asking an overtly cnc blog if it's ok for cnc blogs to interact, like.. ya know what i mean... lol it's silly. and people ask me really basic questions like this all the time. i genuinely don't know how i can be more clear about these things!! x3 ahh).

my DNI and Turn Offs are two separate lists. if something is a turn off for me, i just don't have any interest in it and don't want to be treated that way. i've been on kinkblr for a while now, and unusual or less popular kinks are not something that offends me. some items in my dni are actually just turn offs, but because people have treated me in ways i super don't like- now they are criteria for getting blocked. if people can't understand my role and interests in kink, and keep treating me badly bc of that, the only solution i could think of was to sound more strict about my boundaries: so dense people would actually read it and not immediately message me shit talking down to me like a sub and projecting every squick on me, then getting super defensive and wound up when i tell them i'm not into it or try to steer the conversation in the direction of what i actually like and am into.

detrans is one of those kinks that i simply don't care about, it's not my thing and i wouldn't have much else to say on the topic if it weren't for sooooooooooooooooo many people being really disrespectful and shitty to me, forcing that onto me... not caring that i explicitly said, "NO."

you may not post detransitioning content, but if detransition kink blogs follow you and you've put MY content on your "detrans kink safe" blog, then most will assume I'M into something that i'm NOT. they will harass me, intentionally, bc that's what people with icky and detrans kinks do around here. it's not kinky behavior. it's unhealthy, unwarranted, unprovoked, and abusive behavior (their actions, not the kink or fetish). it doesn't matter if the person with detransitioning kinks is trans, they can still be transphobic by harassing people that don't have these particular kinks: misgendering, corrective rape, detransitioned... i've written about this so much, and i wish people would stop trying to involve me in something i have no need to be part of- i'm not into this kink!!!!!!! why do people keep talking to me about it?! does it bother you that i'm simply not interested in any of it? (serious question)

you say you're into "hard kinks" but what does that mean exactly? i didn't create that tag to protect anyone, it was to make a point about how incessant and obtrusive certain blogs have been about ignoring their lack of my consent. if any information there is useful for you, that's your business in how you run your blog. i don't condone reporting anyone here bc it only means having to block the same person repeatedly, ad nauseum. and i don't post anything for anyone to dislike or send hate to anyone else! i am only trying to maintain a respectful, consensual space here. if a blog truly has harmful content, it's better to leave their blog as is and report them to a government agency or organization known for handling whatever offense applies.

it seems the question you really want answered is whether it's ok to interact with my blog if you don't post or reblog detrans content, but allow other people who do to interact with your blog. let me ask you this: would you be ok with an adult blog reblogging your content, knowing they allowed underage users to interact with them (by stating something like "14+" in their pinned and reblogging kinky posts from children onto their blog)? how would that make you feel, if a kinky adult were sharing your blog in that way, and every time they did that you got notifications and messages from blogs without an age (or actual pedo bait blogs and teens) messaging you about their... "creepy" hard kinks.

like, can you understand by framing it around something you don't view positively? (i'm using your expressed negativity in the ask you sent to rephrase and reframe the question you're asking me.) does that clear things up?

i do not want to see or be seen by detransition, misgendering, corrective, breaking kink people.

[mangodestroyer]

Do gut feelings automatically mean the other person is bad? Can they sometimes arise just because you're incompatible?

It's hard for me to tell, as I'm still trying to learn to trust my own gut more. Every single time I've gotten to know someone who's really activated it, they do, in fact, end up being a crappy person.

One thing I've done was think about how I feel around my co-workers. It's a decent sample size to work with. Lots of people work at this store and I know all of them (unless they're new). In fact, I've seen plenty of co-workers come and go in the two years I've been employed.

Of the 35 I know, about 6 make me uncomfortable in some way. Idk what it is. I just have this urge to inch away from them and prefer not to be around them. I sometimes used to wonder if there was something wrong with me. Was I just being anxious? Am I being toxic by being so distrustful? Is this just the trauma speaking? Well, like I said, any time I dismissed these feelings for those reasons, and let my guard down, I came to regret it.

And yeah, 6 out of 35. That sounds like a lot. Again, I can't wrap my head around it. It just really doesn't feel good to be around these people. So I've learned to try and keep things shallow but polite with them. They have shown some concerning behaviors, albeit subtle. Gossiping, negging, getting mad over very small things, guilt trips, etc. I didn't really see it until I started looking into red flags and toxic behaviors. Who knows? Maybe these people are actually fine and I'm just reading too much into it. But I still see no harm in just keeping things shallow and polite. Out of 35 people, it's not like you can expect to get along with everyone.

Other than that, I've had this feeling that feels less like danger, and is more of a, "I just don't like being around this person. They aren't for me." Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with them. I feel like that might just be the incompatibility gut feeling telling me not to spend emotional resources on such and such. Maybe I just find them a little boring, or annoying, or too different with their interests. Doesn't mean they would be boring or annoying to everyone. I mean, some people are just too much energy for me. Some people like that enthusiasm.

And then there are some people I just flock to and feel comfortable around. And they seem alright. I never really got to know any of them on a deeper level than work. Not 100% sure they appreciated the company but they don't seem to mind it too much, as far as I can tell. Idk, it doesn't feel like they're straining to be polite? But I also know we aren't "friends." And some people I just vibe with more than others. Am I really so shy if I can just relax around certain people like that? Sometimes I wonder if I show signs of anxiety in my body language, but then I sometimes wonder if I'm confident for a person who's dealt with emotional abuse, ableism for my neurodiversity, and unhealthy relationships throughout my life. I often just get told that I'm awkward, kind, easy-going, hard-working, flexible, and hard to read. I used to get told I was shy and quiet quite a lot, but not anymore.

I still wonder if strong gut feelings can sometimes just be strong incompatibilities. And I don't think it's wrong to listen anyway. It also feels like a healthier, safer, and less personal way of looking at it. Assuming someone is just bad when you have no evidence of such? Seems kind of hostile. Keeping your distance just cause you think you won't vibe? Sounds more reasonable. Ofc, if a situation feels especially dangerous, then it's best to just get out ASAP.

[y-kihyun-archive]

🗣

🗣- share an unpopular opinion about anything related to monsta x

oh no uhhhhHHh ok this is probably unpopular and tangentially related to mx… but i think f/ansites are just as bad as s/asaengs :[

[latejulys]

omg 💀

[lqtraintracks]

hello so i apologize in advance for this rambling ask but my blog is not fandom related since i have no energy to get fully invested atm, but this is worrying me a lot lately and I have no-one in fandom to talk this with. Also i'm not a writer and ESL so this will be a mess.

i lurked for a bit a saw the starry knight helps out losts souls but they closed their ask box and sitp recs is on hiatus. So i come to you because i've seen you been posting fic for 10 years now (congratulations and thank you) and maybe you or people who follow your blog can help me out.

so this is thing. i came across fanfic almost 2 years ago and yes fiction is fiction and proshipping i'm all about it and I totally understand that. but. I can't help to acknowledge that misoginistic media (along other things ofc) basically shaped my teenage years and now, being 22, i'm still unlearning all that bullshit.

idk why but I like possessive beheauvior in fic sooo much. more specifically i love me a possessive Harry, it scratches my brain just right in a way it almost creeps me out. I know we can be critical w what we read but still, i can tell i will be reading fic for several years now bc i'm grabbed to it, and i'm afraid it will do this damage to my psyche that i won't be able to see while it happens, but when i turn 30 i'll be like: damn, I unconsciously repeated those same shitty patterns but in this different kind of way.

i hope this makes sense... also i totally understand if you are not keen to this asks bc you feel they push some boundaries and you prefer not to answer. Hope you have a nice weekend byebye

I’m sorry I’m so late to answering this, but... I think the fact that you are so aware of this makes it highly unlikely that it’s going to become an unhealthy pattern of behavior in your own life. You’ve already acknowledged that fiction is different from reality, first of all. And you’re aware that possessive behavior in a real person would be a red flag to you. I think all that’s left is connecting those dots and the ability to say, “What I like in fiction doesn’t dictate what I’ll like or accept in my real life. It’s okay and perfectly normal and healthy to enjoy dark tropes or sinister personality traits in fictional people that I would never condone or accept into my life personally.” Once you’ve made that connection, I think it’s pretty safe to relax and let yourself enjoy the characterizations that get you going, while knowing you’d want something far different in your own relationships. And heck, if you want to play with relationship and power dynamics, that’s why people invented role playing! There are safe, sane, and consensual ways to explore those desires. Just because you find a possessive Harry titillating doesn’t mean you’re going to run out and get yourself an abusive partner.

You sound like someone who can make these distinctions for themselves. And if you have any doubts about that or worries about yourself, I recommend finding a good, caring, open-minded therapist to work through things with, someone who can support you in validating both those distinctions and yourself in response to them.

I hope this helps! <3

[sternbilder]

Gyu-hyuk's Epilogue 3 (Re-translated)

#Buried Stars spoilers

OMG okay, I feel like I need to expand on this, because YES, it does;

So the line you're referring to is the one where Gyu-hyuk tells Do-yoon, "딛고 일어서," which, to break it down: 딛다 means to overcome or get over something, and 일어서다 means to stand up. Grammatically speaking, this is in the imperative mood, so in a very literal sense, "get over it" is...technically...an accurate translation.

However.

In the context of the scene, I think this is misleading. In the official translation, Gyu-hyuk sounds weirdly cold and dismissive, but imo he doesn't actually come off that way in the original text? I read the "Get over it" line as more like...Encouraging? Motivational? Than dismissive, personally. It's clear to me that he's comforting Do-yoon, and I was honestly surprised at the tone whiplash in the translation.

Don't get me wrong, this scene is unsettling. It feels "off" somehow. But it's not because Gyu-hyuk is being dismissive of Do-yoon's feelings when Do-yoon is clearly still incredibly traumatized, but rather:

Because Gyu-hyuk himself seems relatively unfazed, in stark contrast to Do-yoon (Not to mention the strong Dutch angle on that CG. Come On. It just adds to the subtle creepiness of Gyu-hyuk's weirdly serene smile?)

Because one of Gyu-hyuk's biggest flaws is his tendency toward codependency, and of course

Because Gyu-hyuk is the one responsible for the murders, which is like. A pretty big part of Do-yoon's trauma.

At the time that you get this epilogue for the first time, it's likely that you haven't actually seen the true ending yet. So unless you know what happens, it's easy to chalk (1) up to Gyu-hyuk's personality—or at least, the calm and level-headed front that he puts up. You have enough evidence to arrive at (2) by this point, but it's not until you learn (3), which obviously isn't revealed until the true ending, that you realize what a deeply broken person Gyu-hyuk really is.

Without some of this background, the scene honestly reads as, idk, a bit uncomfortably codependent maybe but also...Very Heavily Romantic, in a fucked up, vaguely problematic and unhealthy way? Incidentally, I was looking up a Korean let's play of this scene on Youtube so that I could transcribe it and the streamer I was watching also was straight up like, "Why does it feel like he's flirting with me" and "Oh this feels like a romance" so I know I'm not the only one thinking this LMAO.

TL;DR This epilogue doesn't feel "wrong" because Gyu-hyuk is being insensitive and selfish, but rather the opposite—if anything, his tone is excessively warm and sweet, almost bordering on smothering.

Anyway, because I really, really hate how this scene was translated, I'm going to take a crack at a fan translation that (hopefully) captures the effect of the original text a bit better? I've highlighted the lines that I think have the greatest diff:

Original Text

GH: 또 심각한 얼굴이네. 무슨 생각을 그렇게 해?

DY: 그냥 뭐… 이것저것. 형은 아직 여유가 좀 있나 봐? 맨날 문병 오는 거 보면.

GH: 여유 있긴, 너 보러 시간을 빼는 거지. ...오늘은 좀 어때?

한도윤은 창틀을 매만졌다.

DY: 복잡해. 사람들이… 그렇게 됐으니까.

GH: … 지금은, 너만 생각해.

어깨를 토닥이는 손길에 저도 모르게 움츠렸다.

GH: 아, 미안…

DY: 아냐. 내가 아직… 다 낫질 않아서.

GH: 얼마나 걸리든 푹 쉬어, 다 나을 때까지. 복잡한 머리도 풀릴 때까지. 내가 있잖아.

이규혁의 말에 고개를 들었다. 따스한 눈길이 한도윤을 바로 본다.

GH: 너, 나… 우리 두 사람은 살아남았어. 힘들면 기대. 내가… 언제든지 곁에 있을테니까. 도윤이 네가 구해준 덕분에 난 여기 있어. 언제까지라도 ��� 배신하지 않을 거야.

눈앞이 흐릿해지더니, 볼에 뜨거운 무언가가 흘러내렸다. 눈꺼풀 밑으로 스러져간 얼굴들이 아른거렸다.

GH: 괜찮아.

이규혁의 손이 다시 한번 어깨를 토닥였다.

GH: 서로 의지하면서 살아가자.

고개 숙인 한도윤이 이규혁의 팔을 붙잡았다. 바람이 흔들리는 창문 소리가 적막한 병실을 울렸다.

GH: 도윤아, 딛고 일어서. 내가 곁에 있을 거야.

다정한 목소리가 멀게만 들렸다.

Official Translation

GH: You look somber again. What’s on your mind this time?

DY: Just a few things… Aren’t you supposed to be busy? You visit me every day.

GH: Busy, but I always have time to drop by to see you. How are you feeling today?

Do-yoon touched the windowsill with his hand.

DY: Complicated, considering what happened to them…

GH: Focus on yourself for now.

He fidgeted as Gyu-hyuk patted him on the shoulder.

GH: I’m sorry…

DY: No, it’s just that… I’m still recovering.

GH: Just take as much time as you want until you’re fully recovered. And I hope you can stop worrying so much, too. I’ll stand by your side.

Do-yoon raised his head to listen to Gyu-hyuk. He was staring at Do-yoon with an affectionate eye.

GH: You and me, we’ve survived. Lean on me when things are rough. I’ll always be there for you… I’m standing here because you saved me. I’ll never betray you.

Do-yoon’s eyes blurred, and tears rolled down his cheeks. The faces of their departed friends glimmered under his eyes.

GH: I’m okay.

Gyu-hyuk patted Do-yoon on the shoulder again.

GH: We’ll watch each other’s backs.

Do-yoon lowered his head and grabbed Gyu-hyuk’s arm. The sound of the rattling window hit the walls of the still hospital room.

GH: Do-yoon, get over it. You have me.

His kind voice seemed so distant.

My Translation

GH: You have that somber look on your face again. What’s on your mind?

DY: Oh, you know… This and that. I guess your schedule must be pretty free still? You’ve been visiting me every day.

GH: I wish. I’m actually making time to come see you. How are you feeling today?

Do-yoon adjusted the windowsill a bit.

DY: It’s complicated. You know… considering what happened to them.

GH: …You should try to worry about yourself for now.

Do-yoon couldn’t help but flinch reflexively as Gyu-hyuk touched his shoulder.

GH: Oh, sorry…

DY: No, it’s OK. It’s… just that my injuries are still healing.

GH: Take as much time as you need and rest until you’re fully recovered. And until your anxieties quiet down a bit, too. You know I’m here for you.

Do-yoon lifted his head as he said this. Gyu-hyuk was watching him with his warm gaze.

GH: You and I… We’re survivors. Lean on me when things are tough. Because I’ll… always be by your side. The only reason I’m here today is because you saved me, Do-yoon. I’ll never betray you, no matter what.

Do-yoon’s vision blurred, and hot tears began to roll down his cheeks. The faces of the deceased wavered beneath his closed eyelids.

GH: It’s all right.

Gyu-hyuk patted him on his shoulder once again.

GH: We’ll have each other to depend on from now on.

Do-yoon lowered his head and grasped Gyu-hyuk’s arm. The sound of the wind rattling the windowpane echoed throughout the quiet hospital room.

GH: Do-yoon, you'll overcome this. I’ll be right here beside you.

His voice was kind, but it somehow sounded distant.

[rivetgoth]

Sorry I didn’t read close enough before asking But damn I didn’t expect so much advice, but like one of my biggest problems is I’m monogamous. Based on talking to my friends and just my interactions in the LGBTQ+ community in general I’d say most gay men are not monogamous and even in committed relationships tend to have a third and participate in group situations that I’m not comfortable with and never will be comfortable with. I already have being trans against me but when you add the dating/hooking up with one person at a time to it it’s so fucked. I’ve been attracted to other transmen but generally I don’t know if my dysphoria could take being with one as well, I know I sound like a bastard but it’s just where I’m at. Not to get pathetic and stuff but while who I am inside has always been masculine and my body generally matches it now I’ve never opened up to polyamory or polycules and I feel like there’s something wrong with me as a man for being that way.

Look dude, I genuinely don't mean this rudely but I seriously am not sure where you are that you think that polyamory or nonmonogamy is like, a default expectation for men because it REALLY isn't. The idea that gay men aren't interested in monogamous committed relationships and are only thinking about sex and hooking up is sort of a stereotype, like obviously many ARE into hookups or just casual sex, as are plenty of women and straight people of both genders as well, but there are sooooo many men with the exact same feelings as you, who are looking to settle down with somebody that they love. If it helps at all I was looking for some statistics to back up my lived experiences and a study from last year suggested about 30% of gay men are in open relationships, which is obviously a minority -- higher than heterosexual couples, yes, but to be blunt, of course a community built from sexual oppression and subjugation meant to celebrate nonnormative sex is going to have a higher amount of people who are into these things, thinking about "relationship anarchy" and reframing the idea of sex and relationship as something meant for pleasure and exploration rather than for the cishetero nuclear family. But it's still not even 50:50. Put into perspective then that if you met 10 gay guys, roughly 3 of them would be into open relationships. And even amongst that 30% there's a wide variety of how that openness actually plays out.

Honestly unless you're in some really specific kinky spaces IRL or actually actively seeking out the gay hookup or cruising scene I would say that in basically all of general society (including the mainstream LGBT community) monogamy is still the standard expectation and anything outside of that is viewed as a deviation from the norm. I also think that the vast, vast majority of men would be kinda puzzled to hear the suggestion that being down with polyamory or polycules is some sort of expectation for masculinity, that's not even true in mainstream cishet society where a man being a good husband to his wife is wayyyy more prioritized than the kinda stereotypical frat guy sleeping around with girls, which stops being cute to like 99% of people the moment he's like, over the age of 21. Idk, man. I do not think you sound like a bastard or pathetic and I've been in spots pretty similar to yours I think, like I said in my last reply it's really fucking hard navigating relationships and self esteem and dysphoria and safety and risk taking as a trans person, and it can feel super hopeless if you haven't had much luck. I definitely have been in places in my life where I would not have been comfortable dating another trans person, because my own insecurities and dysphoria was just too bad and I KNOW I would have projected it onto them and either ended up insecure about myself or bitter towards them. Knowing yourself is important and knowing what would be unhealthy for both you and a potential partner is good. But I think I'd honestly suggest engaging more with IRL gay social spaces in general and talking to more gay men, both trans and cis. Or just engaging more and more with the LGBT community in general IRL. This sounds kinda mean maybe but I think the whole polyamory/multiple partners thing is actually more common to see amongst online gays in part because most people are long distance, so that can also sorta skew your view of these things. You would be surprised to realize how incredibly common it is to find men who are just looking for love and a connection and a committed relationship with someone who they care about, many of whom may even feel equally ostracized from certain LGBT spaces that are more kink or sex oriented.

[sparatus]

Coffee asks!! Iced coffee aaaaaand Jasmine tea

thank u!!

Cafe Asks

Iced Coffee : Do you like reading? If so, what’s your favorite book?

grabs you by the face and drags you in really unreasonably close like an insane person Read The Darkest Web By Kristin Wright it honestly reignited my love of reading i devoured it in like 2 days it's a legal thriller and oh my god every twist hit me between the eyes it's so good. if you don't read it that's okay i will vomit the entire plot at you I Am Totally Normal And Sane About This Book

also speak and wintergirls both by laurie halse andersen are perennial faves, i honestly drew a lot of inspo for my writing style from them. idk about other schools but my high school had speak as a required reading book and obv when you force kids to read things they hate those things so all my friends were like "ugh this book fucking sucks" but i read it on my own and i was like, personally distraught that they hated it because i love it so much, i've read it like 5 times and i want to read wintergirls again, speak is about a r*pe victim who's gone almost entirely mute as a result of her trauma and it's about her slow growth and recovery, wintergirls is about a girl with anorexia and her descent to rock bottom and refusal to get better until literally minutes before she succumbs and the emotional beats in both hit so hard and were really gripping and honestly?? inspo. goals. if my writing can do the same thing for my readers as what wintergirls and speak did for me then i will have succeeded.

also i didn't realize it until after i was already getting better but a lot of what the protag in wintergirls describes as her symptoms of starvation were things i just Lived With and didn't realize were signs of how bad i really was so. oopsie!

Jasmine Tea : If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?

hmmm 🤔🤔🤔 there's a lot of places i'd like to go tbh, i'd love to go back to the cinque terre in italy it was really pleasant but honestly i think i'd really just like to go around as many places as possible to try a lot of different food. i used to have a really unhealthy psychological relationship with food that i'm still recovering from, and one of the most important things i've had to learn in my recovery is how to love food and eating. not in the "hur bur murrcans eat too much ur all fat" way that i know is stereotypical but in a way that like, where i used to ignore my body and avoid food because i was avoiding a lot of negative things i'd come to associate with mealtime and food prep and eating, i'm now trying to decouple food from the bad experiences i had with it. the food isn't what hurt me, the people hurt me. for me, it's not enough to need food because i'm hungry and will die without it, i need to want the food and to enjoy what i'm eating. does that make sense?

and like, in the process of learning All That and gaining an appreciation for food, i've come to just. want to try all of it. if you ask anybody around the world what their favorite food is, everyone has such different answers and they all have such love and passion about why that's their answer, and it's really something incredible and beautiful, and this got way far off from the original question so to loop it back: i want to go wherever there's good food and a good time to be had enjoying the food. visit my friends in different parts of the world and be handed something and just told "here, try this." everybody's food is good and i want to share in that. wow that sounds fucking sappy huh

[gunsatthaphan]

doreen tysm for the bad buddy gifset. its unhealthy how eager i am for this series lol. 3M out of the 3.9M views on that trailer has to be me 😂 i’ve read the novel and i think i have mixed feelings that they’re deviating from it BUT IN A GOOD WAY. its kind of a double edged sword.

tw// spoilers

it has a happy ending but the book is a BIG ouch — its so sincere and realistic and really shows how queer people can get guiltripped and forced into heteronormative relationships (it actually has one of them basically get shoved into an engagement to this lady) and they spend half of their lives miserable because of familial expectations. it contains angsty bangers such as:

pat (ohm): “I don’t want to upset my parents, so I try to forget that my life is my own. I keep trying until sometimes, I’m angry that I have a heart.”.

“A child is only born to pay the debts of the parent, aren’t they?”

pran (nanon): “Its not about the age, father. Even if I’m older, I’m sure I would underestimate my feelings as a mere childhood joke. I’m sorry but I cannot control my heart.”

so yeah. that shit hurted. it genuinely was relatable and spoke to me. we NEED more stories like this :( i would love, love, loveee to see this story told well and actually in depth but knowing gmmtv and the nature of that trailer i doubt they’re aiming for such a deep social commentary, or pull it off well.

AND life is kinda stressful and i would not mind a well produced and not cringy show that’s a lighthearted rom-com with enemies to lovers. i would NAWT complain.

sorry to go off in ur asks. but the thought of us getting this series within this year is making me insane.

have a nice day!

AAAAAH ANON 😭 hard same. I shouldn't even be allowed on youtube anymore with the amount of times I've watched that trailer jkfdhgfd

I've heard so many things about the novel and now I'm starting to think maybe I should read it 😂 But then again I feel like that would give me a false impression if they're deviating from it? idk.

But anyway that sounds so good. I didn't know the story was that deep tbh lol but I love it. However I agree with you - The trailer is very lighthearted and just judging from that, it doesn't seem like they will go to that extent? On the other hand we all know it's just a mockup. So anything could happen. But either way I do think they will stick to the core parts, they just probably won't go in super deep. But if there are parts about (explicitly!) queer kids being pressured by their parents then I definitely believe they will tackle that. (Although I don't think I would want that engagement story dksfd)

But at the end of the day I really have no idea which direction it will go into. I would appreciate comedic elements but based on what you said about the novel I really do hope they add some seriousness to it and actually make use of Ohm and Nanon's acting talents bc we all know they would (and will) crush it.

xxx

[kindabizarretbh]

(So I decided to instead just share the c control incorrect quotes I made in one go, so here they are)

Kimimaro: You know I say 'no worries' a lot for someone who worries 101% of the time

---------------------------

Kimimaro: I just want to say from the bottom of my heart Kimimaro: That I did not sign up for this shit

---------------------------

Masakaki: Oh you must have misheard, I'm a paranormal INSTIGATOR. I'm here to CAUSE hauntings lol

---------------------------

Kimimaro: Guys I need help Jennifer: Food help? Hanabi: Relationship help? Mikuni: Legal help? Masakaki: Money help? Takedezaki: Information help? Q: Help moving a body? Headcanon: Q can say pretty violent/concerning things sometimes

---------------------------

Mysu: I'm just gonna come out and say it... Mysu: I don't believe in Alaska. It just doesn't sound realistic Q: *Slowly nods*

---------------------------

Mikuni: I've only known my asset Q for 5 minutes Mikuni: But if anything bad were to happen to her, I would kill everyone in the district including Masakaki and then myself

---------------------------

Kimimaro: *accidentally hits someone in the face* Kimimaro: *doesn't know if he should say either 'I'm sorry' or 'are you okay'* Kimimaro: ARE YOU SORRY!?

---------------------------

Kimimaro, after the events of C, sitting on the bench: Masakaki!? I thought I killed you! Masakaki: True beauty is immortal, my boy. Look at me, I'm flawless

---------------------------

Kimimaro: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait. Mysu: You and me? Kimimaro, nearly tearing up: Okay

---------------------------

Kimimaro, seeing Ibara all smiley and happy: Sir! You look so happy today! Ibara: Thanks! It's a facade.

---------------------------

What doesn’t kill you gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humor. -Kimimaro after the events of C probably

---------------------------

Q: I'm 4000% tired of everything

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Takedezaki: How do I make this my ring tone Random person: Dumbass lmao Takedezaki: *Person's address* This you? Random person: I'm sorry

---------------------------

Masakaki: The sexual tension between me and the urge to hit somebody's skull against a wall right now Headcanon: Masakaki gets tired of this shit sometimes and nearly bashes the nearest person's head in a wall

---------------------------

Sennoza: Spreading awareness about mental health! Mine is very bad. Thank you for reading.

---------------------------

There are only four genders Bitch(Jennifer, but in a positive way) Bastard(Mikuni) Baby(Mysu? Tbh idk who to put here) and Clown(Takedezaki) Only the avatar can master all four genders(Masakaki)

---------------------------

Jennifer: We all have that one person that ruins our day just by being alive Kimimaro: For me it's myself

---------------------------

When Mysu tried eating ramen at first, this is how I think it went down

Kimimaro: *eating ramen* Mysu: Hey, can I try some of that? Kimimaro: Hm? Oh yeah sure Mysu: Thanks! *eats all of it including the bowl in 1 minute*

---------------------------

That's all I got for now, hope you liked them

[khaleesiofalicante]

This may sound very weird, but forgive me because I'm in mood for economy analogies because *studies*

I can't help thinking that particular parts of fandoms somehow work as the stock market. Idk if you know how financial bubbles work, but we're basically artificially inflating plots and characters and whatnot in between installments, and when the final thing comes out we get disappointed because that's not what we led ourselves to believe through 12-months worth of headcanoning and theorising.

I think our understanding of characters the less in contact we are with the source material, which in turn could influence us believing the author is writing ooc characters more often than normal. Take how the fandom sees Kit, or Ty, or Eugenia, or Grace. Maybe it's just me, but I can't see that in canon.

And that sort of frustrates me, now that I think about it, because of course people are going to be disappointed when their somewhat specific expectations aren't met. And of course they're going to blame the author.

Idk, maybe it's because I'm also an amateur writer of original fic, but comments like 'xyz author did xyz character so dirty, so they're now mine' (dirty, and not when it comes to things that are just factually incorrect about cultures/sexualities/languages/etc) or 'fanon xyz is so much better than canon xyz'. Perhaps it is because the idea of people saying that about my characters and my decisions to write storylines makes me, not angry, but sad?;

Perhaps I'm exaggerating, so I'm asking you: how would you feel if someone said any of the above about David? Or criticised the way you wrote lbaf because they --unsurprisingly because everyone is different-- thought of a different way to veer the story?

I understand constructive criticism, especially done on issues you aren't 100% aware of, but if you just *dislike* an author, don't stay in the fandom to shit on them and then dote on the characters that have come out of their minds, because:

If they're a horrible person, you are still helping them --however indirectly-- by promoting their content (even if you downloaded indirectly).

The publishing industry, as everything capitalist, works by demand-offer. Something as little as shitting on an author pushes for an increase in demand ('I'm going to buy/pirate this book to hate on the author and promote their horribleness so that more people will hear of them and read their books; surely some of them will get the books illegally but many will buy them' --think of Harry Potter despite JKR's transphobia and so many people hating her). Really, you're just making their pockets thicker

If you truly want them to fail, don't consume their products. Less demand=less money=less opportunity to publish=less success=you get what I mean

Instead, promote other books you like better, nurture fandoms that are probably small by joining them, etc

If you just dislike the way they write, try not to get fixated on the characters nor the author because it sounds like something very unhealthy. And I've unfortunately gone through that

And maybe this is because I just dislike meanness in general, but criticism needs to come from a place of respect? At least the typical I-don't-actually-respect-you-but-I'm-not going-to-curse-at-you-because-I'm-polite. Especially if the author is doing more than average authors: chances are, they made an ignorant mistake they need to be talked about, just not cancelled for (mostly self-projecting because I recently wrote an Indian wedding I had many mistakes on, I was asked in a respectful manner to change whatever I had wrong, and was so glad to learn of traditions of a country so foreign to me while correcting mistakes my stupid misunderstanding wrote).

But, yeah. Thoughts?

First of all, this is very nuanced. Thank you for sharing this with me.

I share most of your sentiments actually.

A few thoughts on few things you addressed.

1. I also wonder why people are in the fandom if they hate the author or character or series so much. The rationale of "if you don't like it - then don't read it" seems so obvious and simple to me. But I guess, it's easier said than done. Maybe it's because they still have hope? They wish there would be some sort of change? Maybe they just like critiquing things? Maybe that's just how they consume media? I don't know. It never made sense to me. So, I tried not to bother myself with it.

2. I generally dislike meanness as well, so I feel you. Something I learned by going to an extremely strict school was that - you don't have to be mean when you give feedback. It is 100% possible to give criticism without being rude about it You can call someone out without being an asshole. It's not the calling out that is problematic, but rather how people go about it. I think it's an overall social issue, you know?

Think of the way some teachers give "feedback" to students. The way some parents give "advice" to children. The way some bosses give "coaching" to their employees. All of this is supposed to be well meaning, but the way they say it results in more bad than good. Their delivery is bad, so it defeats the purpose of constructive criticism/advice.

People DO NOT like to learn from a place of inferiority. Whether we are talking about learning in the classroom or in life or on tumblr or fandoms or wherever.

When you are trying to 'educate' someone, do not make them feel stupid. It's an awful thing to do. Your insight and feedback should not come from a place of (intellectual or moral) superiority. Because then, you are not trying to educate someone, you are trying to belittle them.

You don't make them more aware or woke. You make them feel humiliated and embarrassed.

So, that's that.

3. About David/LBAF - If you have noticed, I have already received quite a bit of criticism for lbaf - especially focusing around malec. I think as an author, I have learned how to differentiate between useful and useless criticism. For example, I've got a lot of crticism/feedback in terms of language (French) and culture (Spanish) and that is useful criticism. That's something I can actually work on and improve and learn from.

But criticisms about "no Alec wouldn't do this" or "you are writing malec wrong"... I don't find that criticism to be useful.

I can only write how I see malec. I cannot perceive how my readers see malec. As the writer, the challenge is to convince my readers that my way of perception makes sense - that this is behaviour is not unrealistic or out of character.

But of course, I cannot convince everyone. And I am fine with that. I don't think I would have been a long time ago. But I am now.

So if someone thinks 'I did *insert lbaf character* so dirty', then that's their perception. I cannot control how they think. I can only control how I write.

And my writing has a purpose. Everything that happens to everyone in lbaf has a purpose. If I made a decision as a writer (good or bad), I want my writers to believe that decision had a purpose.

So, yeah. I believe in my writing, so I try to ignore those who don't. It's easier said than done of course. But it's a process like anything else.

This was very interesting. Thanks again. Very Ravenclaw of you <3