#like... yeah mate thats a thing that happens when you are 9

[linipikk]

Sounds like you were pretty ignorant then if you didn’t have all the mass of super explicit and easy to see racism and Jew hate in hp. She literally says black people are inferior, Asian girls are objects, and goblin bankers are like jews word for word in the books.

I was very terribly ignorant! yes! i was also 8 or 9 and, albeit, through my teen years the books were still being published and i still liked them even with the faults even i could see. And never read them in english either , and it is a well known fact that harry potter translations are somewhat better than the og books. And, when you come from a 3rd world country, everything that is produced in a predominantly white and/or colonialist culture and really privileged society has this veil of racism that you learn to ignore very VERY early on. It was work to unlearn that, and it took me until i was pursuing storytelling as a career. Many have never thought more about harry potter because it is very low in the list of priorities.

And not only that. Jews are a very small community here, also asians (like... any asian whole-continent-east south south pacific, any tbh), not many in Colombia, and much less in the very specific ambient i grew up in. Remember that there is nuance. And that back in the day it made sense to me that a white brit would know nothing about other cultures. "They never know or even include us in anything, and really it all seems so plain when they add another, I can believe they are just that ignorant" or so i thought. But of course I was wrong.

The real shocker to me was when I was in the uk, seeing so mahy people from so many different places and cultures and thinking "wao, ok, now i see what the deal is " .

Nuance, my friend. Because very many if not all classical tales are hella antisemtic but i didnt knew that. for me those were just stories and i, of course, wasnt just believing them with my eyes closed, and just assumed the author was exagerating the bad guys as they always do (with us at least). There is this fairy tale about slavery that privileged people tell themselves that apply only in their imagination and we learn to ignore that because that is not the reality we see here but we still want fo enjoy the fun parts so we overlook the bad in order to find a little good. Same with classism, same with racism. And then come back to earth and think about it whole and ultimately learn.

We shouldnt just ignore it tho! but thats how it is because we all have different experiences. I dont know how begin to tell you about how the fandom experience here was so so different before the internet-harry potter (those two are linked) .

But I grew up and learnt to be a storyteller who is aware of all of those things. But also, i am still allowed to feel nostalgic about something that was important to me ina personal level, while also understanding the nuance of why i liked it how i read it and what happens with people who still likes it and why. And still try to open with them a dialogue of the problems, a real productive discussion, if you will. But I wont look at the girl waiting for her dad to finish his class at 8 pm and shun her for reading harry potter, i will try to nudge her to also read something else and open her worldview another degree tho. It is a " Yes, and..." approach.

You send anon messages to randos so I dont think you are very open to a bigger understandings of anything and just want to feel all mighty from your high horse, but I do like to ramble about stuff.

[life-winners-liveblog]

Watching Last Life- session 9

Part 2

Pearl: Hey! I take offense to that!

Scott: I was talking about my Pearl!

Pearl: All I hear are excuses! How will I ever recover?

Scott: Pearl!

Pearl: He he he.

Grian: And there goes the gremlin laugh...

Pearl: Wh- Hey!

Grian: Am I wrong though?

Pearl: ... Just because It's true doesn't mean you have to say it.

~~~~~

Pearl: You where so open about your issues back then, what happened mate?

Scott: I got even more issues.

Scar: Ooh! Same.

Martyn: Mood.

Scott: It's a buy one get two deal, but with trauma.

Pearl: ...yeah, I definitely get that...

Grian: We are all messes here.

Pearl: Well that was a given captain obvious.

~~~~~

Grian: Now that so many people are dead the server just feels earily empty.

Scott: Oh yeah... it doesn't get any better, trust me.

Martyn: Dude you litterally lived in a desert, thats like one of the emptiest place to live in.

Grian: That's totally different and you know it.

Pearl: Maybe you haven just gotten used to everyone visiting Scott's base every 3 seconds.

Grian: Yeah, maybe.

Scar: It does start to feel quite desolated after a while.

Martyn: Surprised that you can say that word.

Scar: Hey! There is no need to be mean friend! Where did treat others like you want to be treated go? Wouldn't want anyone to treat you badly in return, right?

Martyn: I...really hate when you do that.

Scar: Me? I'm not sure what you are talking about Martyn. But do think about your words next time! Wouldn't want anyone to take them badly!

~~~~~~

Pearl: Ugh, the Last Life server looks like a mess.

Scar: Oh do you want to go all cleaning lady on it?

Pearl: What?

Scar: My Pearl did a cleaning lady service during season 9 of Hermitcraft!

Pearl: Oh? Good for her, if there is one thing Hermitcraft needs it's someone to clean the mess you guys make.

Grian: We aren't that bad Pearl!

Pearl: You don't know all the chest monsters I had to experience in season 8.

Grian: ...you know in season 7 Scar had a chest-monster inspired shop...

Pearl: Really? ...very in character.

Scar: Oh yeah! Might have been a while ago but I'm still quite proud!

Grian: I used it as a hiding spot for the barge quest!

Scar: Oh the barge! It's so nostalgic.

Grian: It was one of ths last places I visited before I found myself in Third Life... It's been a while since I tought about Hermitcraft this much.

Previous

Next

First

[wc-wild-rewrite]

Fire and Ice reread!

I didnt enjoy this nearly as much as the first book, so 7/10, i give my reasonings in the My Thoughts section. The writing is less clunky in the way its written, but the writing itself is, eh, its not terrible but its not book 1 standard.

On the bright side, i'm loving Windclan and the thunderclan apprentices.

Prolouge

Poor morningflower, having to give birth road-side without her mate

Its been nearly a moon since windclan was driven out, so they were there when rusty joined thunderclan

Deadfoot my beloved

Honestly ashfoot your complaining isnt unjustified, id be mad too

Chapter 1

They need to grow in their leafbare fur, interesting! Probably never brought up again though

"After many moons as an apprentice" its been 4 moons max, and you spent one of those moons not actually training, how did you even qualify for this

Ah yes, exposition monolouge on what happened the previous book

God i love how respectful whitestorm is

"Only been warriors for a few days" you literally just finished your vigil, dude, its not even been a whole day

Honor is a big thing for the clans

I like the idea of longtail just walking around camp giving the least subtle hints for days on end

Aww swiftpaw was so anxious for his ceremony, thats adorable

Way to have double standards, longtail. Still love you tho

And theres the full moon

Ah, more exposition, on lionheart this time. Thank you, erins, we get it, we did read the last book

Interesting how easily bluestar takes ravenpaw's leaving. I mean, not the tigerclaw part, but the leaving the clan part.

Chapter 2

Whitestorm still being respectful, even to the enemy

Oh no, whiteclaw, your not gonna see the end of this book

Yeah, so he did spend a moon looking after her

Im shocked Tigerclaw wants Windclan back

Chapter 3

Slow slug

Yellowfang seems rather chipper today

Chapter 4

As of the gathering, its been two moons since windclan was driven out

They have wood ants

They know what a year is

Apparently windclan doesnt patrol its borders often

Chapter 5

Ok so this generstion of windclan cats are DEFINITELY traumatised

I can't imagine tnp journey is gonna go well for them

I admire their sturdiness though, still willing to fight despite everything

Chapter 6

Ooo smart move, Fireheart, asking to go with them instead of offering help

Gorsekit is officially a little creature

Deadfoot!! My boy!!

I love fireheart's comeback to the apprentice

Aww barley likes sharing food with his boyfriend

Chapter 7

I love deadfoot so much, little blorbo man

Damn ok riverclan chill out

"Lame warrior" can we not

But also yess tigerclaw save my boy

Chapter 8

Oh no, whiteclaw!

Yess willowpelt protect your son

I wonder how much the story would've changed if sandpaw had dropped instead of whiteclaw, or both of them

Tigerclaw i see you trying to get your cronies new apprentices

I hope fireheart and greystripe share the story with the elders, i like them

Ok apparently brackenpaw is ginger now

Awww cinderpaw babie girl

Lil moody brackenpaw there, love him

But also they are like 4 moons didnt we just learn this was bad

Chapter 9

Honestly it is so irresponsible for bluestar to make these two mentors, they are like 10 moons at best, theres only 6 moons between them and their apprentices

Someone get Greystripe in therapy

Queens tell boogeyman stories of kit-snatching owls

Again, tree scaling, this time by smallear

Aw cinderpaw, my adhd babie girl

"When you brought them home" girl that was you, you were that kit. I know this is a writing error but i like to think its a mental disconnection due to the trauma of it

God, the "that cat in the forest...was his sister!" Is such a 2009 writing style

Chapter 10

Rip tulipkit, i think your the first of that litter to die

I wonder if fern and ash ever remembered their littermate

I love the difference between cinderpaw's wild bounding and brackenpaw's careful thinking

Awww princess and fireheart bonding is so cute

Chapter 11

Aw i like seeing them mentor, its so cute

Greystripe u kitten

Silverstream!!

"Cant you drown in your own territory" your honor i love her

Haha mischeivous cinderpaw

Chapter 12

Cinderpaw is a good liar confirmed

"Where were you when i was training" asked fireheart, the liar. "I found somewhere quiet to rest" said greystripe, also a liar

I cant tell if tigerclaw really is that observant or firepaw is just the king of overthinking

Brackenpaw's such a nerd i love him

Cinderpaw sweetie your adorable but please dont sneak up on your mentor

Chapter 13

They lost 5 kits to greencough last year, we never get info about them

Still very interesting that each prey has its own stalking technique

Chapter 14

"He was breaking the code by meeting up with another cat" oh really, sound familiar buddy?

Fuck it, im with greystripe, go see your code-breaking girlfriend

Since when the fuck has speckletail had a kit, but also hi mistlekit!!

Chapter 15

Dude your a hypocrite stop yelling at your bestie's girlfriend

But i do like how leader's daughter seems to be an important title

Silverstream's got a point, their love isnt affecting anyone

Ohhh the tabby kit was mistlekit

Ok damn why is dustpaw so aggressive

I wonder how dustpaw feels, technically being the cause behind cinderpaw's injury

Chapter 16

Explicitily described as twisted, noted

Chapter 17

Tigerclaw honestly didnt mean to, huh.

So now theres two kits with whitecough

Oh willowpelt absolutely heard that

Chapter 18

Unfortunately, fireheart, i gotta agree, its frustating watching people react to tragedies and just move on

Chapter 19

You've changed your tune awfully fast, Sandpaw, are we gonna get a reason for that or do we have to guess?

Willowpelt feels like shes covering for her son, but im definitely looking too far into it

These patrols are always longtail, darkstripe, and willowpelt. I know they probably just dont have any other warriors but its suspicious

Chapter 20

Oop, greystripe got sent to his room

Goddamn dustpaw chill out

Chapter 21

Princess honey you cant just spring this on a cat

Oh shes so sweet

Aaaand heres the ooc writing, this doesnt make sense

"It'll be at least 5 moons" would you rather he bring in a 5 moon old kit whos already adjusted to kittypet life?

Ah, there goes elderkit

At least the queens have some compassion

Ah, tom's first panic attack

Chapter 22

Has it been one moon or two? Im not sure

Cinderpaw i still love you

Asha and fern recently stopped nursing, meaning their about a moon old. Only a moon's differemce between them and cloud, then

"With all that white fur" what, like Frostfur? Or Whitestorm? Shut the fuck up, darkstripe

Chapter 23

Yeah, so its been 2 moons since the gorge fight

Deadfoot!!!

Yeah ya'll better shut up, starclan's displeased

Chapter 24

I still dont think fireheart would be this against greystripe's relationship

Ok no yeah fireheart's definitely overthinking this, he was talking about the mossball, dude

Chapter 25

Again! Willowpelt and Darkstripe in the same patrol

I can see Whitestorm being really pissed off at disrespect like this

Tigerclaw really doesnt think before he acts, huh

Good brackenpaw, run boy, run!

Hello brokenstar, you mangy motherfucker

Chapter 26

Spottedleaf's death was six moons ago, though this feels incorrect

Also fireheart, dude, you barely knew her

Kick their ass, frostfur! Kick their ass!

I nearly forgot yellowfang was a warrior before a medicine cat

Pathetic ass brokenstar, wheres your gloating now huh

Eugh can we not have this burden to the clan thing. Like shes allowed to feel like that, but only if the narrative shuts that shit down

Yay whitestorm back at it again being logical

Chapter 27

Yay, sandstorm and dustpelt!

I dont like dustpelt tbh but lets see if he redeems himself

Yeah, yellowfang, you shut that shit down!

Ok damn, greystripe, calm down, i dont even know why your angry anymore

Chapter 28

I might not like incredibly stubborn characters much, but i gotta give it to cloudkit, hes like a moon old and he caught a vole

Ugh i forgot spottedleaf is his messenger

Chapter 29

He just can't get it into his head that he's a hypocrite, huh?

What part of "dont leave the camp unguarded" was missed here, you just took every single warrior with you

Im not as fond as cloudkit as i am with cinder and bracken, but he knows what he wants

Chapter 30

Tigerclaw you arrogant bastard, i still love you though

I didnt see my boy deadfoot, where was he!!

About fuckin time these two reconcile, good god, this could've been sorted chapters ago

My thoughts

Eh, 7/10, a lot of it was just frustrating to read. Im really not a fan of miscommunication tropes or whatever hypocritcal shit was going on between fire and grey. Im also getting really sick of spottedleaf, The cloudkit being brought in scene was bad and weird, and dustpaw's just an asshole.

I liked the mentoring scenes, the apprentices, and yellowfang. I quite like brokenstar and tigerstar, even if their both bastards, and my boy whitestorm is still well written. I like that the queens are good fighters, and how supportive princess is of her brother. We didnt see much of runningwind but im fond of him. They still havent explained why sandstorm warmed up to him so suddenly, but its only book 2

Overall, a bit of a sour one, i definitely prefer the first book, out of the two, and i still think fire and ice should've been the name for the 6th book

[kennylovers4life]

(We're not going to ask how Y/N's house got to Blim city. We're just going to assume it was put there by Y/N's employers

Also there's the use of the word cunt, so if that's a problem for you, sorry -Owner 1) 

Y/N could barely hold in his excitement as he picked up the gun that was assigned to him. He finally got to kill living things for money instead of for free! 

As he looked at his gun he noticed something... it had eyes, and a mouth.

he wondered if he was using a living being to kill things. Now, that's where Y/N crossed the line, but it was too late to return him. He had already boarded the ship to Blim City. The gun spat on Y/N making him flinch. 

" H-h-hey man whats up-- ar-a-are you like, a bo-o-bo-bounty hunter or something? Oh yeha, My name's Kenny, by the way, and w-wow are you from heaven b-b-b-because you look like an angel, w-which reminds me of t-that dude Tyrael from Diablo, whichh is a reeally fun g-game, oh I haven't p-played it that's right.. b-b-but I bet i-its a fun game!  " Kenny said, with all the stuttering and pauses it took the poor little guy about 10 minutes to get it all out.

Y/N stared at the gun in a mix of concern and confusion. " uh.. so I'm supposed to use you.. to.. kill other people? " Y/N asked. 

" Yup! T-thats the idea, at least. I-I-I've had a guy who used me as a fleshlight before! " Kenny responded. 

Y/N looked away from the gun. Talking to him was really unnerving, he set Kenny onto the table nearby as he waited to arrive... 

***

Kenny and Y/N were finally in Blim City. 

" H-Hey lo-look on that b-billboard! I-Its Gene Zaroothian, H-he u-u-used to be a b-b-bounty hunter too, b-but he's a homeless loser now. M-maybe if we can f-f-find him he'll teach you s-s-s-some stuff ab-bout bounty hunting or something. " Kenny said as you held him up slightly so he could see everything in Blim City. 

You two walked around a bit and eventually found Gene. One of his eyes was greyed out and he was missing his legs. 

" oh, geez man what happened to you? " Y/n asked, concerned about Gene. 

" Oh don't worry, just went blind in my eye and lost my legs. I've been through worse! " Gene replied, sounding very nonchalant about the whole thing he then looked over Y/N's shoulder

" Hey is that your house over there? " Gene asked, pointing to it. 

Y/N turned around 

" Oh! Yeah. Why? " Y/N asked 

" Well.. you're one of those new bounty hunters right? Maybe if you let me be your roommate I'll teach you some stuff about bounty hunting, " Gene explained " And, if you die, I'll get the house. It's a great deal! "  

Y/N though about it. Sure he did just meet Gene but... It wasn't a bad deal. Y/N would get to learn about bounty hunting from one of the most experienced bounty hunters, and if he died the house wouldn't rot away because Gene would be living in it! 

" Hm, alright then, Gene. " Y/N said. 

***

Y/N finished helping getting Gene settled in the house. 

" ...So basically you want me to go get you your sentient knife that you gave away? " Y/N asked 

" Yup! " Gene quickly responded with 

" Alright then.. doesn't sound too bad. So who did you give it to? " Y/N asked again. 

" The Torg family, now go on and get him! " Gene yelled, annoyed at Y/N's questions. 

Y/N ran out, ready to retrieve what was described to him as " a sentient ballsack " by Gene.  

***

Y/N murdered 9-Torg and got Gene's knife, knifey, back. He spoke to Y/N in an Australian accent. 

" Ay mate thanks for helping me back there, so what's sent ya over to take me? " Knifey asked 

" Oh, well uh, Gene asked me to come and get you. " Y/N answered

" ...Gene? Oh I hate that cunt! When we get to wherever he is I want you to stab him in the gut! " Knifey yelled back. 

Y/N's eyes widened in shock, first of all, he said cunt so casually like that? And second of all stab Gene?

Hell yeah! Y/N wanted to stab something, so this made Y/N want to get home faster. 

***

Y/N stabbed Gene in the gut, Gene complained a bit but he was fine after a few seconds. 

" Hey, now that I think about it I kinda liked how that felt. Stab me again! " Gene said 

" Let the post-nut clarity set in, Gene. " Y/N responded flatly. 

Gene rolled his two non-blind eyes and went back to watching the TV he had installed. Y/N had no bounty hunting jobs yet, as they had been given a week to settle in by his employers. 

Y/N went to his room to find that Gene must've turned it into his room, as there was alien technology installed in the room. 

" Hey gene, did you put all this stuff in my room!? " Y/N asked Gene from across the house 

" Oh shit! Was that your room? " Gene asked 

" Yeah, yeah. It was " Y/N said

" Oh well shit. Because I took all that gay stuff down and replaced it with some badass tech to make it mine, " Gene said " I moved it all into that walk in closet though, so I guess you can sleep in there. " 

Y/N gave Gene a look of annoyance but complied. He put Knifey and Kenny on top a box that was in the closet and sat down in front of them 

" So... is living with aliens usually this annoying? " Y/N asked the duo. 

They glanced at each other 

" Yup, and you better get used to it, Y/N. " Kenny answered 

** THis chapter was written by Owner 1. 

[kalims]

Hi hi! Can i request this with the vice leaders ? You can choose any other character u like to substitute ortho

‎˃ ᵕ ˂ . . "oh my god something hurts and i don't know what.. but he's my type. oh you meant blood type?"

basically. "you're losing a lot of blood! what's your type?"

when a magical shift practice goes incredibly wrong you're asked a question you didn't quite process at first.

parts. one , two

characters. vice dorm leaders, floyd, ruggie, ortho.

includes. gn reader.

cw. head injury, violence, blood, mentions of hurting someone heehee.. 😁 platonic for ortho.

trey clover

he looks away for one second and all of this happens in that span of ONE second? *points at the ramshackle prefect bleeding on the grass* he can't keep his eyes off his underclassmen can he...

when riddle said he wanted the roses red I don't think he meant this.

trey would probably silently wish for the person to get their karma because how much force did they have behind their magic for it to collide to your head and split it open. 😭 if it's his dorm mate then maybe he won't wish violence secretly but still.

^ very unlikely even if he holds you very special in his heart. but then again if you are he'd want to get that sweet karma. hides secret sadistic side

anyways! I think will only smile a little but his main priority is to make sure you are feeling alright when you spill out your type which is him apparently?? he's secretly pleased btw. and he starts giving you unintentional special treatment. you're the first one to taste his pastires mwhehhehe.

overall, trey is more helpful more than the screaming advice and cater who barely did anything but rush into the building to grab his phone. I rate it 9/10 experience, he baked your favorite treat with a feel better card.

was the split head and the headache that made you want to split it again worth trey's baked goods? of course how could you ever doubt. ☹

ruggie bucchi

ruggie: 👁👄👁 this man would joke a lil' to lighten the mood as he recognizes the seriousness of the situation once he sees you struggling to even stand up.

he would take it in a way that depicts that the occurrence is quite normal, but at the same time you're...you. and ruggie is sure humans don't exactly have the higher tolerance to pain compared to other beastmen.

he doesn't mean it in a degrading way okay. ☹

some random student asked for your type and you didn't miss a beat when you said. "hyena with blue eyes." all the hyena's just perk up and eye each other with confusion painting their faces.

savanaclaw: 👁👁👀👁👁 basically eyes are going to you and then to ruggie. the latter just laughs and ushers them away. if he's not the only one that's a hyena with blue eyes, then you gotta specify more prefect. 🤨

as much as he'd like to pretend this didn't happen leona would have his ass if the herbivore's blood stained the terrain. when he said beastmen liked meat I don't think he meant ... your blood, on the rocks, on the floor, dripping behind you as you walk.

if anyone were to walk in they'd probably think you committed a whole ass massacre. 💀

but since it is you, he'll help. you've helped him out a couple times, he should return the favor duh

8/10!

jade leech

wow thats a lot of blood, good thing he knows how to clean it up! 😁 don't ask why he knows btw. it generally depends where you got hit, if you got hit on a grassy field he'd either just spray some water on it so the blood gets washed off.

but if you're in octavinelle he's gonna have to drag you off somewhere safe or else some kind of sea animal gets attracted to your blood and tries to eat you. 💀 as much as it'd be interesting to see

"my, you've wounded me." he'd probably say this kinda shit and give you that dark hot grin. yeah the one that has anything within his vicinity turning into track stars and booking it.

butttt he wouldn't be phased by blood very much. dare I say he's encountered it plenty of times, usually on his own accord, sometimes not on his own.

maybe jade would be a little suprised because this definitely fell out the circle of his calculations. what a nice suprise! you made his day a lot better prefect 😍😍 now how would you react if he discretly pressed the wound masking it as dabbing?

jk jk

or am I?

7/10 does a great job on taking care of you 👏 but only if you overlook that his smile seems like he's secretly planning your murder and relishing your pain. he is relishing your pain btw because he's a SADIS--

floyd leech

magical shift practices are boring :( so you'd rarely see floyd in one since he's seen it plenty of times until he eventually got bored of taking apart of the same game over and over again.

so just when he's about to step out you literally fly in his path and he almost stepped on you, his mouth was already opening to tease you about how much you wanted him to stay but then you smile at him looking very out of it.

did I mention the blood pouring out of your head? I think this is a good time to mention it.

floyd is still smiling but there's a menacing look on his face when he looks behind him to quickly check who exactly did it to you. it's easy to spot when the most terrified looking person is avoiding his gaze.

atleast someone had the reaction to help the man up and start asking you about how many fingers they were holding up.

okay so I thought this was funny, let's see floyd asking jade a smart thing to say to which his brother replies with asking which blood type you have in case you've possibly lost too much blood! so floyd just tells you and you tell him 😃

"slimy bastards like you apparently.."

awwww he likes you too 😍😍 forgets that you're literally bleeding out and is too happy. what have you done.

6/10 overall, would've been better if he reacted quickly to bring you to the nurse. and you're sure you would've been on time out on a bed for days if you lost more blood.

jamil viper

😐🙁

can his life be more peaceful please which god did he anger in his previous life to deserve this and since he's the vice dorm leader of scarabia he's more exposed to chaos he definitely does not want to be in.

literally does not bat an eyelash when you start listing off his qualities, some being... interestingly going into deep detail, and some he hadn't noticed himself. he's flattered, prefect /sarcastic. really he actually is but he won't be very happy if you die on him.

was that him being overdramatic? jamil? dramatic? maybe but he can't really cross off the possibility of death. so you're in like, top tier premium care even if he's a little reluctant to give up yet again, more hours of his freedom. 🙏

jamil can cook, he can clean, he can take care of you.. what else can you ask for? 🤨 husband material right there fr. you wake up everyday with your breakfast ready... what a nice life. you don't even have to life a finger!

10/10 don't judge me I'm biased. he starts treating you normally after though so just relish the luxurious treatment you receive!

rook hunt

oh mon dieu! 😱 this is an absolute disaster!

non non, this won't do. nothing shall ever taint your beauty regardless but that doesn't mean that he'll let it happen.. beauty must always be preserved! oh trickster, how much pain you must be in..

how beautiful the way your crimson blood paints the tiles so.. elegantly!! deadass makes it into some kind of art piece. /hj please convince him that you may think that bleeding out isn't very elegant but I don't think you're in the right mind rn. 🧍‍♀️

why am I wording this like a drama

anyways. I guess you could say that as an eccentric character, it's expected of rook to be overdramatic sometimes but it's mainly out of pure actual worry.

oh prefect, he's very elated that he fits your exact criteria of a lover.. can you hear his heart about to leap out his chest? *dramatic pose* was he a theater kid??

but he'll store your words very safely in the back of his mind. for now he must act accordingly to such a horrifying disaster.. vil wouldn't be too happy if any damage to your head becomes apparent!

...8/10, very nice care. he's part of pomefiore you know. they don't know only about self care. 🙄🙄

ortho shroud

he could tell the person was gonna miss the goal by like two inches and hit your head instead despite being in the stands 🧍‍♀️would help if he wasn't restricted for access.. is that a thing? lets pretend it is.

you think idia didn't give him the necessary equipment to deal with a medical situation? you're absolutely wrong. idia did, so that's why you're already patched up in less than 5 minutes after being hit!

okay so let's pretend you're talking about [insert character] so ortho's gonna be like nodding innocently, actually showing you people that matches your description.

100/10. period.

lilia vanrouge

serious mode activated.

okay it's more subtle compared to others but there's a certain edge to his words that gets every student in vicinity rushing to follow his every single command. a stubborn savanaclaw student? now they're listening because of lilia's voice alone.

oops old habits die hard.

generally I think lilia would take it more faster than others. given how he's probably witnessed it a handful of times. but he definitely hasn't met a human so... airheaded and blunt at the same time, how entertaining.. you really are cute, aren't you?

the most you'll get is a giggle and a smile. but overall he's more focused on treating you, akin to a... fretting mother? I guess his insticts took over for a second.

it's either treating you like a baby or treating it very seriously. he's right in the middle, nothing more, nothing less.

5/10, would rate higher if he didn't make you pass out right after his 'soup' was registered by your tongue. just... you can let him handle everything BUT the food please.. unless you prefer taking care of yourself alone that is 🤔.

[imgoingtohellsofuckit]

Hope Can’t Fix Everything

Jasper x Human!Reader

Warnings - Angsty, mention of blood

Summary - Jasper finds his mate, but it’s not all perfect.

Jasper Hale never planned for his life to go this way. He never planned to become a vampire or to live for eternity. But he always went along with it. No matter what fate tossed at him. Because he had hope. Hope guided him through all his years. It lead him to Alice who took him to the Cullens. Hope brought him a undead life he finally could be okay with it. But something was missing. His true love. He saw Emmet and Rose. Carlise and Esme. Edward and Bella. But he still was alone. He couldn't believe it. How could fate screw him over again. But even when it looked like fate forgot him. Alice reminded him to remember to have hope. To trust fate to bring him who he's looking for. And one day it finally died.

"Is this seat taken?"

Jasper's eyes moved from his paper to the person before him. They were beautiful. Absolutely stunning. They have no right to be this perfect.

"Hello?" They ask, "is it taken?"

"Uh no," Jasper says softly, "it's free." They smile lightly.

"Do you mind if I sit there?"

"No... I mean no I don't mind you can sit there," He says panicking lightly. They chuckle.

"You're cute," They say, "my names Y/n L/n. Yours?"

"Jasper Hale," He says softly.

"Jasper Hale," They say, "that is a nice name. You got lucky your parents loved you enough to give you a cool name." He chuckles lightly.

"I like your name," He says.

"Thanks," They say, "I hated it growing up. But it grew on me."

"Alright now that everyone is settled lets get started."

The feeling in Jaspers chest revealed it right away. This was his person. This was his mate. And to think they were just right there. So close. He felt excited for what was to come. But he was also terrified. He knew nothing about this person. But he knew one thing about them. His mate was human. Which made this about a hundred times harder.

When Jas got home that night Alice practically tackled him to the ground.

"Well?!" She exclaims.

"I found them," Jas says, "I found my mate."

The rest of the family looks wide eye at the boy. Happy for him. Sure but confused.

"Slight problem though," He says.

"What type of problem?" Bella asks.

"They are human."

This was something they weren't prepared for. Even after Bella and Edward. They always assumed that Jasper would end up with another vampire. Mostly because of his trouble with humans. But still it's not like he could change it now.

"So their human," Bella says, "so. I was human."

"Yeah Bella is right," Alice says, "they are your mate. You are destined to be together."

"Yeah Jasper," Emmet says, "you've been waiting for them for over a hundred years. I'm sure that a pulse isn't enough to stop you."

Jasper with his families' encouragement suddenly felt a lot better about the situation. He has his mate. The person he is destined to spend the rest of his life with. And they are right here. He'll do this right.

The next day he was waiting for them in his last class. Excitedly watching as they stride across the room to take the seat next to him.

"So why are you taking AP Environmental Science?" They ask Jasper, "what made you choose a class 9 other people choose?"

"I like science," He says, "and I wanted to study something new. What about you?"

"I'm a hippie," They say simply, "metal straws no plastic. Pure vegan." Jaspers smile drops lightly. His mate was a treehugger? He suddenly didn't know about this. "I'm totally kidding. My mom is a Environmental Lawyer and she signed me up for the class." He chuckles lightly.  "This class is a joke. You're lucky you joined halfway through it. Mr. Jones has been making us teach ourself since day one. So that fun little slideshow demonstration yesterday- don't get used to it."

"He doesn't teach?" Jasper asks, "why?"

"He's going through a divorce with his wife who also happens to be the Honors Anatomy Teacher," They explain, "since they filled for the divorce he's just been sitting at his desk sulking."

"Thats a shame," Jasper says.

"Yeah for our ap scores," They chuckle, "but don't worry I'll add you to the class group chat. What is your phone number?"

"Uh here," He says scribbling it down then handing it to them. They smile wide.

"Perfect," They say, "I'll add you to it. You'll get everything you need in it. Plus we have study sessions all the time and you get all the info for it in there."

"Thanks," He says, "thats awful nice of you."

"Anything for my fellow prisoner," They say, "besides without us there is no way you'd pass." Jasper chuckles. His mate moves to open their laptop and start working on something the teacher had sent for them. "So you have a big family?" They ask, "the ones who I always see you with right?"

"Yeah we were all adopted," He explains, "thats why-"

"You guys have people dating each other," They say, "I mean it's the talk of the school. The first interesting thing to happen in Evergreen since our prom queen killed our prom king."

"That happened?" Jasper asks.

"Yeah well that's what everyone thinks happen," They tell him, "I mean they never found a body and well Cassie and her family left town three days after Camden went missing. Anyways it happened a year ago. So now everyone's focus is on you guys. The Cullens."

"We are pretty used to it," He says, "we are a weird family so when we move to a new town we tend to get plenty of attention."

"Do you move a lot?"

"Uh kinda," Jasper answers, "just depends."

"Your dads a doctor right?" They ask, "what causes a doctor to move a lot?"

"We go where they need more doctors," Jasper answers, "apparently you guys were in some pretty desperate need." They chuckle.

"Yeah you can say that," They say, "we have a really small hospital so when Cassie's mom left we were down a doctor. You'd be surprised how bad losing one doctor is in a town like this."

"I can imagine," He says, "I mean it's a pretty big deal when you have one doctor."

"Tell me about it," They say.

The bell for the class rings signaling the end of school. They smile over at Jasper brightly. Then looks down to their phone. Jasper feels his phone buzz in his pocket. He pulls it out and smiles lightly.

Unknown- It's Y/n! Can't wait to get to know you

"If you need anything feel free to text me," They say.

"Hey Y/n lets go!" Some girl calls from the door.

"Yeah alright," They call to their friend then looks back to Jas, "I'll see you around Jasper."

As they move off Rose moves to Jaspers side with a smirk.

"They are cute," Rose says, "you should get on with it."

"Yeah sure," Jas says, "I'm trying okay."

The next couple days it seemed to go smoothly. They'd hang out at school text all night. It felt like everything was going right. So on Friday he decided to step it up a bit.

"Okay do you have any plans for tonight?" Jasper asks them.

"Uh no," Y/n says, "why? Wanna take me out on a date?"

"If you'll have me," He says, "a movie?"

"Sounds great," They say, "got any movie in mind?"

"I was gonna let you pick," He says. They move pulling their phone up. Then nod.

"Alright there is this horror movie called Until Sunrise and apparently its terrible," Y/n tells him, "we have to see it."

"You like horror movies?"

"I love horror movies," They tell him, "even more than that I love terrible horror movies. Ya know the ones that make you question if the writers were on bath salts while making them." He chuckles lightly. "If you don't like horror movies we have other options. But if it's just cause you're scared don't worry you can hold onto me for support."

"No that sounds great," He says, "do you need me to pick you up or do you just want to meet there?"

"We can meet. I'll see you there Jasper."

So he heads home to get ready. Explaining to his family that they were going to a movie. Bella tries to give him some tips for how modern human girls like their dates. Rose immediately tells Bella that Bella has no authority to talk because she was weird.

"I know what girls like-"

"Yeah from like 12 years ago," Rose says, "seriously think about it. Times have changed. Humans have changed since then."

"Okay so just be yourself,"  Alice recommends.

"He can't be himself his mate will run for the hills," Emmet says, "no you've got to be cool."

"Ignore him," Esme says, "just relax. Read the room."

"And remember to breath," Bella adds, "when you stop breathing it freaks people out. And blink."

"I remember to blink," Jasper says.

"No you really don't," Rose says, "so remember to do that."

"You should get going," Alice says, "you don't want to be late."

So He got to his car. As he drove he couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly nervous. What if he messes this up? What if he drives them away? Oh god. Suddenly his didn't know if he could go through with it anymore. But when he saw them sitting outside the theater staring up into the sky waiting patiently.  It all melted away. He climbs from his car heading towards them.

"Hey Y/n," He says.

"Hey Jas," They say, "you look nice."

"Thank you," He says, "you look beautiful." They smile lightly.

"Thank you," They say, "wanna head in?" Jas nods. Y/n moves lacing her fingers in his. The movie is terrible. Honestly. The two end up laughing through most of it. However Jas being able to hold their hand. Cling to them. It makes it the best date he's ever been on. It's one of the only dates he's ever been on.

One date turns to two. Turns into dating. It's going amazing. But he feels guilty.

"You still haven't told them?" Rose asks him carefully, "Jasper you have to tell them."

"I was planning to tell them," Jasper says.

"No you weren't," Edward says.

"Get out of my head Edward," Jasper says at once, "I'm tryin it's just. I don't want to ruin this ya know."

"If you don't tell them then you'll ruin it regardless," Emmet says, "I mean you can't not tell them."

"I know I know," Jasper says, "I'll tell them soon. Tonight. We have a date."

Before they can keep hassling him he leaves to go prepare for his date. His partner had talked him into going swimming in some lake. He didn't really care much for the later but when they suggest skinny dipping well he couldn't exactly say no to that.

He meets his partner at the lake. They are already in the water. Though apparently in a swim suit. They smile widely at Jasper as he makes his way towards them.

"Hey!" They call, "I was gonna wait but the water is really nice."

They move slipping out of the water to meet Jasper. Pulling him into a soft kiss.

"Come on," They say leading him into the water. He tosses aside his shirt then kicks off his jeans. Jumping in the water in his boxers. The vampire is thankful that the lake was shallow. It only went to chest meaning no awkward sinking of being the rock  solid vampire. They pull Jasper into another kiss. "I've missed you," They say as the break the kiss, "I'm not one for teen romance bullshit but... You are different."

"Well we were meant to be," Jasper says, "fate. Right Darlin?"

"Right," They say, "you are so right." They move kissing Jasper's jaw. "You are always talking about Fate. It's like you've been looking for me." They pull away from Jasper to sink into the water. Swimming away from him. Jasper smiles. If only they knew. The two move around the water playfully. He scoops his mate in his arms and playfully dunks them under the water. They come up laughing.

"Oh I'll get you for that Hale!" They scream. They splash the vampire with full force. He seems unfazed so they try again this time jumping on Jaspers back. He moves a little to roughly and knocks them back into the water.  They simply laugh for a second before they make a pained face. Then suddenly the smell of blood fills Jaspers senses. "Oh shit. I think I stepped on glass." Jaspers eyes shift to black. Pain and hunger filling him. His partner climbs from the water gentle moving to their pile of clothes hoping to address the wound. Jasper stares at his mate. Trying to keep himself in the water. Trying to relax. But the smell. The bloodlust rising in his stomach.

He moves towards his partner. Jumping to pin them down. They were shocked. Confused as to why this was happening.

"Jasper what are you doing?" They ask slightly startled. They start to move. But Jaspers firm grasp keeps them pinned down. His mouth opens. His fangs showing clear as day. Y/n tenses looking at her partner in pure terror. He looks like an animal. A monster. "Jas! Jas! What are you doing?!" They are thrashing under him. Trying to push him away. "Jasper get off of me!"

Jasper leans to his mates neck. His teeth scraping lightly.

"Jasper stop! Get off me you're scaring me!"

The boy moves starting to bite but before he can sink his teeth into her he's yanked off. He see's Edward and Emmet holding him back as he growls lightly.

"Jasper! Jasper stop!" Edward yells.

But he doesn't calm down until he sees his mate in Bella's arms sobbing violently. He feels his mates terror. It's suffocating. All his hunger melts into guilt and regret. What did he just do?

"Babe," He says softly. He moves yanking away from the two men.

"Get away from me!" They shout, "I don't want you anywhere near me you freak!"

"Darlin just let me explain-"

"No Jasper we are done!" They shout, "I don't want you anywhere near me."

"Darlin I-"

"You freak!"

Disgust. Thats all that's radiating from them. He watches as Y/n leaves. Bella walking with her. He ruined it. He lost his chance at his mate. He ruined his own life. All his hope for nothing. He could hope that in time they will let him back in but his hope can't fix anything. This time- hope isn't gonna be enough.

[huntsman-ash]

RWBY LiveThoughts: Episodes 8 and 9

So I missed last weeks episode since I got busy with stuff (school mostly, basic bitch busy day and all) so here’s two for one.

Gotta say, Im interested to see where this is going...

So something I missed the last few episodes; the final shot of the opening has the words “happily ever after” turn into “happy never again”, which I am both trepitided by and also intruged.

Cut to the jail cell AGAIN...Schnee’s looking a bit ansty. Boi probably thought he was getting out sooner. Suck it mate, your lawyers are DEAD.

Convinent blast of fire is convinenet...knocks out the cell doors and punches a hole but thats it. My money’s on Cinder

Qrow becomes bird on reaction. Makes sense really. 

Two fade to blacks in less than 2 minutes? Come on RT...

Ohhh its Nora waking up. So does that mean Robyn’s dead? I doubt it, but that drama spike is def a thing.

IV tech in Atlas is almost the same as our world. Interesting.

Whitley A poses like a god. 

Looks like Penny’s back snapped. Or something...maybe a coolant pipe or something similar.  And the return of British Klein.

And there goes the power. Probably a Grimm getting smashed into it during a fight...or they left it unguarded. Either or. Lot of explosions, either way...

Bombing run...has Atlas gone to area denial now?

...ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! THOSE FUCKING FLYING JELLYFISH GRIMM CAN MELEE AIRSHIPS?! Can we just...how in the... (LONG SUFFERING SIGH OF MILTIARY FAN) Not...going to comment. MOVING ON.

Honestly that animation seems oddly...flat. Like they just did the bare minimum...the ship breaks cleanly too. ~12 or so bits in between its nose and tail section. Kinda reminds me of how the UNSC Savannah blows up after suffering a reactor breach in Halo Reach’s “Long Night of Solace” mission.

Yes, its too much Ruby. ITS WAR. Huntsmen and Atlas were not ready for it. Never have been. Welcome to the bloody grim fable.

Oh hi Willow, where did you come from. Also, vodka.  Wait. Generator near the-Oh, I bet I know where THIS is going...fuckin Five Nights style shit at this. Slash Jurrassic Park...

Whitley showing the first signs of being human...utilizing Atlas cargoships for evac. Nice. 

Shit, the storms spread across all of Atlas. How the hell are they gonna get out through that? Also DEF getting fuckin’ Jurrasic Park vibes here. 

Why does a power startup sequence take so long...

Oh so they can talk. Also Blake says “as a girl”. Soooo what, she thinks shes older than RWBY mentally? I mean maybe she is (she did kill a man) but whos counting?

Ladybug fans getting FED right now.

Hehe, the houses CANDLES are fed by the main power. How quaint.

YEP. Knew shit was gonna hit the fan. CONTACT. Hound

The chess set seems to have black loosing. Wonder if that means anything. Or if its just random.

Yep its the Hound. Knew it.

DID IT JUST ONESHOT RUBY’S AURA?! THE FUCK RT WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT BEING RESILIANT?!

Oh its trying to kidnap her. Also those wings just EXPLODED out of it. Must have learned from last time. No weird screaming noises.

DAMN THOUGH WEISS’S MOM GOT THAT CAKE! THICC SCHNEE ASS

WOOPS. No more booze for you Mrs Schnee

And Pennys back up and SHES NOT PLEASED.

Also I like how completely dead and robotic Penny is while hacked. It amuses me. Unfortunatly for Watts hacking something with MAIDEN POWERS doesnt seem to work too well. SURPRISE.

Oh and of course its got backup, DISRUPTING WEISS’S SUMMONING AGAIN

Ha, it thought Ruby was Penny. Lul. Makes sense, young girl, whatever.

Oh look, a Hydralisk. Or, Salems horrible attempt at making a Hydralisk. 

Hacking denied BY THE POWER OF BUTCH LESBIANS!

Willow having a panic attack, doesnt really surprise me. Then again she IS a Huntress, or was, maybe she’ll get over it.

Chandelier. Phantom of the Opera time?

Unsurprising twist is unsurprising...makes sense Whitley would get covered in that green shit.

Further proof to my theory the Hound is eyeless

And Willow doing her fucking job. NICE.

I know I should be worried for them while running but again, THAT SCHNEE ASS THOUGH GOOD LORD.

These bigger Grimm are getting smarter. They’re learning how to handle CQC. 

Target DOWN. Sadly, did not explode into showers of acid when Ruby cut it down.

Okay that was pretty cool with the arm. Always was a fan of “useless limbs only for smashing”.  Ah THERES the Silver Eyes. PROBABLY SHOULDNT HAVE TAKEN HER ROBOT WIFE PRISONER BIIITCCH.

Penny is just getting ALL KINDS of fucked up rn.

WELL THEN. The Hounds not ACTUALLY a Grimm. Just a parasite on a host. Salem couldnt get them smart enough by themselves (to no ones surprise, they’re completely SHIT in terms of actual lethality) so she steals a...faunus of some kind looks like. And just makes him wear a Grimm suit. Useful. Good to know.

Also this episode has been making excessive use of sweat drops. Did they get that figured out or what

HA! Grimm dont handle physics well do they!

The Grimm arm that results looks like Cinders. Intentional, Im compleretly sure. Also the fact theres bone underneath proves to me more what I thought. Its just a host. 

How...UNIMPRESSIVE.

However the fact that the bones have TWISTED and resulted in the Hounds form is...interesting. Unless those were there first (and they seem to be as they last past the Hound vanishing)...was that a secondary feature? He had the ears...

We’ll probably never know.

Ah so it WAS Cinder breaking in. To get Watts most likely.

Kinda feel bad for these three troopers. Shoulda brought shotguns, boi.

Fucking moron with a rocket launcher. WHY is he firing this thing INSIDE? Against a humanoid target? Though it is nice to know that Atlas does in fact have rocket launchers.

And now, Episode 9

...wow, way to start us off. Field littered with dead Atlas troopers. Yeah MAYBE IF YOU HAD SOME DEFENSIVE POSITIONS buddy...least they still got fire from the Paladins.

You know this kinda feels like an Imperial Guard moment. Point made, RT.

Also those Mantas peeled off without DOING anything. Least you could do is drop some ordinance...

Wait I t hink they did...also, for about 2 seconds you can see the silverfish Grimm that won that contest.

Alright, so RJY is inside the whale now. Good. 

Good question Yang. Probably cause you dont really have any other options?

I feel like Jaunes hair has become less plant-like and more realistic.

New fairy tale; The Girl who Fell Through The World. Interesting. Wonder if thats in the book somewhere.

So hes got access to magic but it makes them fuse faster. Alright, cool. Nice limitation.

...my god. Trenches. Standing formation. HUNTERS IN ARMOR?!

Its...its beautiful. Its everything Ive ever wanted! Seriously you HAVE to see this.

Just look at it. The lights, the Mantas in he background, the fact that FNKI is there and WEARING ARMOR!  Neon in her skates with weapon at the ready, everyone else standing firm, winter Walking the trench line like shes fucking Commissar Vale...

Its. Just. SO. GOOD.

And then they rush to glorious battle moments later. OH YES PLEASE

“Right now, just kill Grimm.” PERFECT

Hazel short-walking amuses me to no end.

Hazel has “II” in roman numerals on his arm band. I doubt it means anything but its funny

Spontanious Emerald is spontanious. And convinenent. 

Glowy blue titty woman yeahhhhhh

And there goes Hazel with his change of heart. Been good knowing you pal...I can guess where THIS is going.

Oscar is distracted by the big glowy milkys.

Also; Neo can...thats most interesting. Fully camoflauged. USEFUL. And of course you can see her ass for ONE SECOND and I bet the FANDOMS HAVING FUN WITH THAT

If Yang wasnt afraid right now I’d be very surprised.

Random floating Seer as well.

MAN THERE IS JUST TOO MUCH FUCKING CONVENIENCE GOING ON RIGHT NOW LIKE

I get it.  Nice to see things not going according to plan for Salem exactly but 

Ehh.

Hahaha. Juan. Bro doesnt even remember Jaunes name.  Also that short section of fight is magnificent. This is what I have always imagined the HKs being like.

CLEVER. Nice work Emerald.

Also uhhh...dont need no semblance ot see THAT Ren, she got that confused scared face right on there.

Tsundere Emerald continues

Also, the fact that all the troops stand in line around the bomb when it arrives amuses me. Like, yes, we must worship this tool of horror we have created.

Timer...ohhhhh thats gonna end poorly. WHY AM I GETTING SHADES OF LONG NIGHT OF SOLACE AGAIN?

Did Salem straight up make a door right through the wall? With a perfectly good one behind her? God damn.

Also on that subject uhhhhh off the walls guys, not to hard. Landing strats right?

OH NO WAIT FIGHT TIME.

Magic still doesnt seem impressive to me. Just...mildly forceful. Yeah it whacked Jaune and Ren off their feet but

Still. No 40k psyker is she.

Ohh ho. OH THATS NICE

Also Yang punched her titty. That is hilarious to me.

 BREAK, BITCH! SUFFER AND SHATTER!  In the words of the Chaplain Grimaldus; “BURN HERETIC!”

Addit; First time we see her regeneration. Seems its literally anything, she pulls herself back together using Grimm bits. Obviously shes not fully human considering that blast Yang hit her with should have liquified her organs. Makes SENSE of course.

Okay, magic seems to kinda work, she didnt like that much.

I paused at the perfect time and Yangs ass is riiigghhhttt at Oscars crotch more or less. Unintentional I know but its funny to me.

Also those sigils...like Weiss’s glyphs perhaps?

Huh. Two kinds of magic. The bright sunshiny ranbow one she used to hit Ren and Jaune, and now this void looking shadowy stuff.  So...two kinds perhaps? Creation and Destruction or...light and dark maybe is more accurate.  Makes SENSE, shes studied in both and uses both. All aspects.

Okay NOW Im seeing why RT got Jen Taylor to do Salem. We jussttt had to wait to the point she got mad enough to really start showing off.

Also Salem seems oddly unconvinced about Summer.

Awww, Emeralds crying. HOW PATHETIC

Someones gotta distract her...well this works. Again, RIP Hazel, you were pretty cool.

Homie goin ALL out on this. YEAH!

Okay, magic seems to be both, she has the void walker balls shooting rainbow light...

I like how casually Salem takes it. Seeing that Grimm ichor splatter was REAL nice though

IMMOLATIOIN OH YESSSS

Good, SHE DOES BURN!

Awwww. And it ends there. Of course it does.

Well hey maybe hes NOT dead. Albiet that looked like him passing out/getting strangled so who knows. Good news; Salem burns just like anyone else. If it feels pain you can kill it

And thats this weeks!

[pocmuzings]

um... kassie for the ship headcanon meme hehe

this is my wife btw  . . . doing this to me . . ok . . hot . . will do .  u know i’d do anything for u  . . 

1. Who makes the first move and how? i honestly think it was pretty even steven here ? they both bickered a lot at their photo shoot , working together . i feel like cassie was SO frustrated with him and his easy charm / cockiness that she probably kissed him first just to shut him up 

2. Who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better? cassie has always had severe insecurities and issues there . i think just being in the same space as kyle always soothes her ? like he’ll make a dumb joke , or say smth dumb n sarcastic or poke fun at her lightly at it’ll kinda help her get out of her head ? she also loves taking baths , or just lying in bed together . 

3. Who is the most romantic? i feel like it’s cassie with the smaller things . she remembers the birthdays and she’ll see a cologne she think would be nice on kyle . but kylie is romantic in a lot of different ways , too . he’ll do things like clean the dishes or cook dinner if cassie seems particularly stressed . he’ll help organise her calendar . he’ll be more practical with how he helps her out at times  ?

4. Who can’t keep their hands to themselves? both of them dfjkfjn but probably mainly cassie . she sees kyle anywhere and shes like PURR

5. Who says ‘I love you’ first? absolutely cassie and then she probably sprinted away in pure fear bc shes like ‘why did u say that why why why ‘  

6. Who would they ask if they ever had a threesome? tyler ? max ? those would be cassies pick . honestly it wouldn’t surprise me if kyle has Asked the q so they’d probably just get some random hot model they work together with some time

7. What do they get up to on a night out? a LOT of shots and a LOT of dancing and it gets very messy bc they’ll be in vip areas and having bottle service . it’ll end with a quickie in the bathroom , or her lipstick all over kyle’s neck and mouth and them probably getting kicked out for being too rowdy

8. What do they like in bed? they’re both pretty experimental ? cassie likes tying kyle up every now and then and like . . kinda being in control there when she can ? but she’s a definite switch and likes when he ties her up , or they’re in a kitchen with food getting messy . cassie likes when shes doing something and kyle just spins her from behind , or he’ll be the one to grab her and just be insatiable about her . she likes spontaneous sex and she’ll never say no to a quickie . both of them are Experienced players in the sex game so they’ve probably both tried everything once , and probably leave a lot of bruises on each other and hickies . 

9. What is the most embarrassing thing they have done in front of each other? honestly at any shoot if like . . cassie’s outfit has fallen apart in front of kyle , or she feels like the shoot isn’t going well and he’s there ? she gets mortified . also the first time she said ‘ i love you ‘ was pretty embarrassing to her bc kyle was probably 1000% taken aback . kyle doesn’t really get embarrassed ?!?!? like he just is like . .yeah i did that . anyways fjnfdjk 

10. What two songs, two books and two luxury items do they take to a desert island? IM SKIPPING THIS Q ITS TOO HARD

11. What do they hide from one another? kyle definitely hides the amount of girls he’s slept with in their industry ? bc its a lot i feel ? and he knows cassie gets jealous and mad insecure . so he probably tries not to bring that up really often but cassie usually KNOWS ANYWAYS . cassie mainly hides like if shes had a bad day or isnt doing too hot , bc she hates inconveniencing kyle but then that starts a fight bc hes like ?? just tell me ? ?

12. What first changes when it starts getting serious? less work trips . less spending time apart . less kissing other people / sleeping with other people ( actually . .NO kissing other ppl and sleeping with other ppl ) . they’re both NOT monogamists at all so its a struggle but thats the sign that they wanna make things serious ? that they’re commiting to each other ? 

13. When do they realise they should get together? HONESTLY I DON’T KNOW ? i think its when cassie was with gale and then . . kyle came back and things got really messy and cassie and gale broke up . kyle and cassie tried the whole friends thing but they both knew they were in love with each other ? like they’d never tried just being FRIENDS first so i think thats what really cemented it and their feelings and surety ?  

14. When one has a cold, what does the other do? kyle probably laughs and calls her adorable and kisses her nose bc shes so whiny when shes sick . but he’ll bring her home 300 medicines and soups . cassie has to literally force him to take time off work and then she’ll take the day off to make sure he properly rests dkjfkjnfjk

15. When they watch a film what do they choose and why? they probably pick anything random bc honestly they get distracted and never finish it :-)

16. When the zombie apocalypse comes, how do they cope together? KYLE TO THE RESCUE ! i think cassie would make a great scavenger and find lil helpful things but kyle would be v stoic and protective and he’d be the Muscle of it all . 

17. When they find a time machine, where do they go? absolutely back to high school them . they were so happy and stupid and soft back then . they were goofy and in love without even knowing it . 

18. When they fight, how do they make up? sex . a lot of sex . yelling and then sex . sex and then yelling . it’s always a bit messy , but one of them will always finally give in and come back with their tail between their legs and apologise . 

19. Where do they go on their first date? honestly they never really did dates but i feel one of their many dates is probably to paris , a fancy restaurant there  where they’re known really well by all staff . 

20. Where do they go on holiday? EVERYWHERE!  they both travel a bunch so they’ll go to their favourite places . cassie wants to see kyle’s home but she knows kyle hates his dad so that may not happen fjkfnfj . milan . . greece ( if they really wanna a getaway ) . hawaii . any island or tropical place ! or france bc fashion ! 

21. Where do they get nervous about going with one another? cassie is always nervous about like paparazzi and stuff when they go out in red carpets and stuff bc they say a lot of dumb shit to rile them up ??? also cassie gets nervous before bringing kyle to her mums grave . i definitely know kyle would be nervous and not ok with cassie meeting his parents . .

22. Where does their first kiss happen? i think it happened on shoot ? they had to kiss for a shoot i think and it was Grating and Annoying and kyle was being so smug , and then they . . kissed more backstage sdjknfnkjfkjn

23. Where is their favourite place to be together? probably nice 5 star hotel rooms bc they can live their life and not worry too much abt clean up and stuff fkjnfnkfnf cliche but anywhere theyre together . . theyre happy . .

24. Where do they first have sex? probably in a limo , all rushed and heated , hand prints all over the leather , their bodies , and the windows. 

25. Why do they fight? bc they’re both really stubborn and too similar . they fight bc one is jealous of the other . they fight bc of their body count . or bc of their coworkers or the types of shoots they do ( a la sexy ) . they fight when one is away too much . honestly its mainly cassie i think cassie gets riled up very easily . kyle gets mad when CASSIE is being unreasonable which is 3000% of the time . cassie is just always lowkey scared kyle will leave her again dkjfjk

26. Why do they need to have a serious chat? probably if kyle went home and then came back and was acting v distant or short with cassie ? then she’d be like ok we r talking . honestly . probably talk to each other about their dumb jealousy issues if it got too out of hand . i know kyle monitors cassie taking her meds so if she tried to go off them unsolicited he’d be like baby no . 

27. Why do their friends get annoyed with them? bc they bicker and then fuck all the time JKFDJNFJKF

28. Why do they get jealous? bc they’ve both . . slept with everyone ! they’re both hoes ! 

29. Why do they fall a little bit more in love? bc they were horribly destined to be together and everytime they see each other they’re ALL the other one sees . they can’t keep their eyes ( or hands ) off each other . they fall more in love everytime they spend a second of time together and learn more of each other in any manner or form . 

30. Why does it work (or not work) between them? it doesn’t work . . it CAN’T work . but somehow it does . from all their jealousies and insecurities . from all the kinda - cheating , and the fighting , and the leaving each other , and the other issues . . from EVERYTHING . . they’re just too epic to not have worked , u know ? they are soul mates in a way . they always always found their way back to each other . they’re inseparable . they will never stop loving each other , no matter what . good , bad , ugly , beautiful . 

[pinkykitten]

I was tagged by @writing-with-melon I hope my answers aren’t complete waste or if time and if so I’m sorry and I love you

Rules: Answer ten 10 questions, ask 10, and tag 10 people

1. What song automatically plays in your head when you look out the window on a long drive? 

i dont really have an answer for this. i think i just automatically think about any song ive been listening to recently or any song that has been stuck in my head. 

2.  Do you have some snacks nearby when you write?

well i live in a two story house so the kitchen is downstairs and im usually lazy busy so since i have a mini fridge upstairs i just usually get water to drink while im writing. its kinda hard to eat and write cuz i loose focus really easily so when i am writing i am writing! i am in the zone! but if i am a little hungry ill usually snack on candy like chocolate kinder joys i love them but they r so expensive or snack on chips but i get like salt on my fingers or i like cheetos so cheetos dust and that just gets everywhere and later my hands and keyboard kinda smell like fart. 3. What do you do to combat creative burnout?

so burnout happens to me a lot so to get inspiration i either read other stories or fanfics which gets my head gears turning or i admire a piece of art or photography or a song. whats so unique and satisfying with writing you can explore and go anywhere with it, hehehe erotic if you know what i mean lol jk there are no barriers with writing just your imagination. there is inspiration any where you go and id advise to never stop writing. even if its a few short sentences or paragraphs about anything even bird poop its still progression and your mind is working and your searching for words like its all good for you bby.  4. Do you use (or like to use) prompts? 

i do ill put the link here. im thinking of changing it though to do something different. 

5. What is your favorite place to write?

lol boring, i know but my room. my room is really bright in the mornings and comfortable and chill and i have a candle of the pandora ride in disney that smells like the ride so its all good and relaxing and super peaceful plus i have a picture of myself the age of like 9 on my desk idk why but it encourages me and makes me focus to make sure i never get that cringy again. 

6. What is a hobby or yous that you usually don’t talk about?

well i like working out HAHAHAHAHA jk that was a joke...get it...cuz i much rather be eatingokillstop. but i really like to draw which i have a art page you can see it if you click here pls look at my failed attempts to be hip and cool with the cool kids and being artsy fartsy. another hobby is i really like to do makeup and nail art, nail art is really tough guys no joke if you do it like you got wizard powers are something. maybe its bc my nails are shorter than pete davidson and ariana grande’s relationship, alright im trying to stop i swear!

7. Do you play an instrument? Which one?

no i wish though. i always wanted to learn to either play the piano or electric guitar cuz H.E.R looks so cool doing it. 

8. How do you feel about your handwriting?

it sucks dont even try me. my sister can barely read it like no wonder nobody wants to steal my signature heck they can’t even read it!

9. Can you tell us of a story that marked your development as a person? As a writer?

ok sit back guys, sniff a nice amount of crack and get ready for the most cringy moment of my life but also a time when i knew i was meant to be *inhale* a fanfic writer. 

so it was elementary school, i think 3rd grade and for my writing assignment we were given a prompt of idk what the heck tbh i think it was like be outside the box and im like ok imma nail this cuz im a weird child and yeah so i got my papers and pencil and i went TO TOWN on this paper. so i wrote two stories. one short story with a picture to go with it and one long story that yeah i buried years ago. so my first story was about a farmer was about that farming life. he had chickens and dairy. so i cant remember if the cheese was spoiled but doesnt matter. anywho these cheese and a chicken were alive like they could talk in the story and i gave them faces, yikes. but the whole story was the farmer was a b*tch and he was trying to eat the chicken and cheese so they hatched a plan to get away from the farmer. they did it successfully and they ran away. yay happy ending my teacher actually liked that one me too and my school mates were thinking what they heck is this girl on i made a story about how me and justin bieber made cookies for Christmas you know. so then my other story i was more proud of this one cuz it was a tone of paper, sorry trees, and this story was about how a female hippo (girl i was all about plus size and thicker girls and no body shaming) and an male ostrich were kidnapped from their own habitats and taken to become circus animals. failed version of Madagascar hey mine was before the circus movie OK THEY STOLE IT FROM MEEEEE. so they get taken and are treated to harsh punishment and the animals can talk and i think its in the point of view of the male ostrich guy thing. they are in the circus and they start to have this relationship happening. love starts blossoming its all good. im happy with this cuz i believed in love at age of 8. they find a way thru a kick butt scene of the animals escaping and the hippo and ostrich are so in love that they run away together and they have half hippo half ostrich babies and i think i named the species  hipstrich or like ostppo idk but i was so proud of this story and when my teacher read it she was worried about me lol i think she thought i might like mate these two animals like secretly idk but she was like it was ok and i was like what this is frickin William Shakespeare writing or like F. Scott Fitzgerald writing. nevertheless it taught me a lesson that nobody else needs to like what im writing the main point and only thing that matters is if your proud of it and you like it and i really did. i will remember that story forever and thats what made me want to be a writer. lol sorry that was a lot. 

10. @emdop I’m going to use this great question: Explain one of your WIPs in the most ridiculous way possible. 

wellllll im working on my peaky blinders oc story its a lot of drugs money killing weapons jewelry rich profanities like its the show but written from my stubby hands so my oc and whatever its great and so excited to show it to you guys. 

MY QUESTIONS:

1. WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO START TUMBLR?

2. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING OF THIS WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

3. WHAT QUALITY IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OUTFIT?

5. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE?

6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

7. IF YOU COULD VISIT A PLACE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

8. WHAT SHOW OR MOVIE UNIVERSE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN?

9. WHAT IS THE SCARIEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?

10. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE IN THIS WORLD THAN ANYTHING ELSE?

im tagging: @thatlittlered, @ardentmuse, @acciosnapes, @lotsoffandomimagines, @collecting-stories, @blog-of-a-multitude-of-fandoms, @naughtyneganjdm, @lenahellgizibe and two random followers @spiritsent, @sucker-for-my-fandoms

i was tagged by @writing-with-melon again ty btw, ps i felt so much pressure lol jk 😊

Rules: Answer 5 questions, Ask 5 questions, Tag 5 people.

1. What is your favorite book?

fifty shades of grey hahaha naw my favorite book is obv you all know this is series of unfortunate events but i never usually cry period and i never cry for books ever so when i read mrs. tom thumb by melanie benjamin, its the part when her sister minnie dies i cried so hard idk it was just emotional the wording the way she described her pain it was so beautiful written yet so sad and that was just amazing to me cuz im like this book made me feel things and im like wow i would love to write a book one day and make someone feel something whether it be sadness anger happiness annoyance anything they are having an emotion and that is super powerful to do that with just words. pls go check out that book its a good read. also im a fan of the greatest showman so i really enjoyed it. there are many other books tho that i thoroughly enjoy so much. 

2. What piece that you’ve written are you most proud of?

oh my god ive always wanted to be asked this question hands down i am always proud of my platonic gender neutral tony stark fic called in·con·sol·a·ble window to me i wrote it so sad and i was feeling like depressed lol when i saw peter die in infinity war like i didnt know what to do with my life tbh but im so glad that @impetrichorny requested it tysm i just like how its not based on romance or fluff or happiness it is based on when you lose someone the nightmares and sadness you go through and that there is nothing nobody can do about it except just be there for that person so i really like writing angst and something that was out of the box. ive been thinking tho of doing a part two since the fate of all the characters has changed after endgame. who knows tho. 

3. What is the last song that inspired you? 

well for art it would have to good news by mac miller when i did that kobe bryant memorial on my art page. i dont want to give it away though but ill just say some very powerful womens music inspired my oc writing and making. 

4. How do you feel about letting people read what you write?

at first i was scared cuz i thought i wrote like trash which that feeling kinda doesnt go away like some days i feel that way others i feel confident or it depends on the request it just depends but anyways i was always insecure about my writing so when i started writing it was more like lets see how this goes if not ill delete the whole page. im glad to say it went great but in the begging it was hard cuz i kept putting myself down but i learned to accept or just understand that you keep learning with writing you always learn knew things with writing how you can explain something better or you words get more intricate and people see the improvement and you do too thats why i applaud those who dont speak english that english isnt their first language. you are doing a tremendous job and keep practicing cuz you’re gonna make it to the top. ive also learned that some days are not my days and you can take time off when youre not feeling it when you have writers block. just recollect your juices sip some tea go to the beach relax your mind a little and take as long as you need to come back and give it your all. also comments and reblogs and likes a follows those meant so much to me and encouraged me. thats why i cant express it enough how much all those mean to writers, artist, photographers, anybody who is truly trying their hard in this area of social media. its makes a person happy smile and confident in their writing but first train your mind into loving what you make not what others thing. you have to be happy with the outcome that is what truly matters and what makes your writing the best. look at me getting philosophical. 

5. Do you get distracted easily? If yes with what?

yes and with porn haha i get distracted easily like very easily homeschooling was really tough for me. music distracts me, netflix, the urge to watch david dobrik or unus annus or buzzfeed unsolved on youtube, heck my farts distract me. i gotta be like troy bolton i gotta get my HEAD IN THE GAME!

MY QUESTIONS:

1. IF YOU COULD BE NAMED SOMETHING ELSE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE NAMED?

2. WHAT PERSON INSPIRES YOU THE MOST?

3. IF YOU KNEW THE WORLD WAS ENDING TOMORROW WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY?

4. WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT IN THE SHOWER?

5. WHATS YOUR WEIRD COMBINATION FOOD?

im tagging: @thatlittlered​, @ardentmuse​, @acciosnapes​, @lotsoffandomimagines​, @collecting-stories​ AND WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS IF YOU FOLLOW ME OR LIKE MY STORIES TAG ME ILL READ YOUR ANSWERS. HOPE I DID THIS RIGHT SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING MWUAH 

[solar-bean]

This is the very extensive and detailed rant of a fed up black, female student of class 2020

-You are free to scroll past this if you want. I really just needed to get this off my chest. But if you have advice or are experiencing a similar situation, feel free to message me-

So first off, I haven't liked going to school since I was 9. And highschool has only deepened my loathing of it. But maybe I don't hate school in general. Maybe I just hate the schools I've gone to ( 4 in total ). This rant is about highschool specifically. Perhaps what I'm about to type is normal and I'm overreacting. But I'm tired of not talking about my problems because I'm worried that I'll sound like an ungrateful brat. Typing/ writing about my issues makes me feel better. And I really need to feel better.

So here are the main points in order of severity: Low income, Advisory, Graphic Arts and Discipline/Work Ethic

Low Income:

I've only ever gone to low income schools in my neighborhood. I hoped high school would be different but thanks to the crappy education of my old school and an even crappier selective enrollment test score, I couldn't get into the schools I wanted. Then again my single mother probably couldn't afford those other schools anyway.

My highschool shares a building with another highschool. And unfortunately they called dibs on the best features and have control of the heating and ac. We don't even have our own gym. We also have the least amount of space with the smallest class being mine of 144 seniors. So there's a lot of packed classrooms.

Speaking of having way too many students, recourses are slim as a result. Our best equipment, chromebooks, need to be reserved weeks in advance by the teacher and even then they still may not be able to get enough of them for their class. Said chromebooks can often be missing keys, not work at all or be stolen easily because of their small size.

A few other issues are terrible lunches ( I've been bringing lunch from home since sophmore year), very limited field trips, mice infestation, very few clubs ( if we have any idk ) and teachers have to pay for just about everything class related.

Advisory:

Advisories were created to prepare us for greek life in college. I honestly think it's to keep everyone in check but ok. Even so I have absolutely 0 interest in anything frat or sorority related ( no offense to those who do ) as well as many of my classmates but advisory is mandatory.

My first 2 years of advisory were hell. Most of my advisory sisters were either people I'd never talk to because we weren't in the same class, had nothing in common or they were straight up terrible people. I should mention that freshman year has the worst students because about 30% don't make to the next grade or just transfer. Most of my advisory sisters I had problems with were in that 30% ( a few had already repeated ).

Since I kept to myself there were very few incidents were I was put into a tense situation with them. The main conflicts involved our advisor, who I guarantee you was not the problem. She was essentially a poor, white, optimistic, young math teacher from out of town that was thrown to the slaughter. And my cowardly self watched not wanting to be next.

She ended up leaving by junior year so what was left of my advisory merged with another and got a new advisor. The only downside is that our new advisor is a firm believer in " sisterhood " and no cliques ( even if you converse easier with a certain group of people and advisory is already a forced clique in itself ). Maybe I'd be more up for advisory events , which we rarely have , if my advisory experience wasn't sullied so early on.

Graphic Arts:

The reason I chose my school was because it had an art class. In seventh grade I knew I wanted to have a career in art and that my talent was lacking but had potential. So you can imagine my horror when I learned that the art teacher had left once I'd gotten there.

I was sad but stayed positive and even highly recommended them to get another art teacher. Then by sophomore we got an art after school program ( 4:25 to 6 twice a week ). I managed to keep my grades the same and take the classes every week for the entire school year. I only missed about 4 days total. For once I actually enjoyed staying after school.

The class taught me so much and I didn't have to wait for the summer to take an art class downtown. Even better I got to interact with other young artists of my race ( there was usually only one other black kid at the summer classes ). Everything was finally looking up.

Then the art galleries happened. The school hosted one per semester. I brought my art to display but I couldn't stay cuz of a shitload of math homework. I got complimented the next day but still regretted not staying. So I vowed to attend the next one with even more pieces than before.

The night finally came and I was hyped. Me and two seniors were in charge of doing caricatures for free ( one senior gave me a dollar tho ). I had fun with that but noticed something weird...none of our art was displayed.

Apparently they cut it out for time along with the theatre clubs performance. And I would've been fine with that. If my family hadn't come.

The icing on the cake was when they turned off the lights in the hallway where we were drawing the caricatures so they could start the show for the performing art groups. I couldn't contact my family until the show was over and booooiii were they pissed. Especially my mom. I was more sad than anything. I had a feeling my school valued the performing art more and this just proved that. At least now we have an actual art class. And my art teacher is awesome and supportive as hell.

Discipline/ Work Ethic:

These are together cuz they've equally fucked me up. Don't get me wrong. I have a 4.2 gpa and 0 detentions.

The problem is my classmates.

I have been to soooo many class/school meetings about behavior and grade issues over the past 4 years. One of which a staff member said " now i know all of ain't bs-in' but why aren't those people helping the ones who are."

Like wow! Thanks. I hate it.

I'd be happy to help my fellow classmates. It's just that their version of help is cheating off my tests and copying my homework.

So yeah my bad. I've been sooo selfish.

I can count on my hand the amount of times I've been told that I'm doing a good job directly and not in front of a class as a way to embarrass them.

This year behavior was so bad that they made a competition to see which advisory would get the least demerits. Big mistake. My heart goes out to all the poor well behaved students who lost because of a few advisory mates. It only takes one. The record for most demerits in a day was 30 I think.

I forgot the competition was going on at some point cuz I've only gotten 2 demerits in 4 years. My advisory won second and we played the waiting game for our prize only to have a pizza party with 17 other advisories. The winning advisory was salty as hell. But hey we got free lunch at least.

I managed to get good grades simply by doing everything on time and having no social life. This was by choice really. I promised myself I'd do better in college but now I gotta study for ap.

It was actually ap literature that gave me a new perspective on my classmates work ethic. We were given a lengthy reading assignment but the due date was stretched by two class days and the weekend. Even though I'd been mentally drained lately ( by lately I mean since the 1st week of school ) and had other work to do, I completed it with slightly less annotations.

Upon the due date I discovered that I and one other classmate completed the reading. Even the valedictorian didn't do it!!! And this wasn't a one time thing either.

In fact my class is notorious for never doing work on time. I'm talking completing-a-project-in-the-class before-the-it's -due- for bad. And some people I understand. Some of them really need help and resources. But every one else. Excuses excuses. The extended due dates gave me extra free time but it made the work I completed on time feel pointless. Like I could've just not done it and not face any consequences.

I tried that and was stressed out all day to the point of doing the work anyway. School's got me whipped I guess.

So if I hate highschool so much why do I go on time everyday, miss at most 3 days a year, do my work, behave myself and study??? Simple. I'm trying to get out. Having a good gpa and test scores will get me more scholarships cuz God knows my mom can't afford art college ( I got into my first choice so yeah:). Really highschool has just been a means to an end.

I've had my good days and have made some friends but I really just wanna run to hills with my diploma in hand. And thats what's kept me going. But now we're quarantined.

And my school has decided to make work optional.....and I have all A's......

Needless to say I've barely done any work at all. If we never have to go back theres a good chance I won't. I'm so numb at this point that I don't care that we may not have a prom ( aka the only dance I was ever going to go to ).

I'm just done. Done and fed up.

But thank you to my mom, family, bestie, teachers and my classmates that actually want to have a future for keeping me going. If I don't completely give up it's thanks to you. Future me, I hope you get everything you want at art school:)

[anti-pasto]

for the 200 ask thingy, i actually dare you to do all of them. :D

delgaskarthalexhere we go, anon: 

200: My crush’s name is: I don’t have one right now, I don’t get them often (if I ever had a crush at all)

199: I was born in: 2003

198: I am really: A 2005 emo kid x a 2008 scene kid x a 2014 tumblr fangirl x Kyle himself

 197: My cellphone company is: Apple

194: My ring size is: Honestly? No idea. Propose to me with a sword.

 193: My height is: Somewhere between 5′7″ and 5′8″

192: I am allergic to: Nothing I’m aware of 

191: My 1st car was:  94 Station Wagon, by request

190: My 1st job was: being this funny is a full-time gig

 189: Last book you read: Bone Gap by Laura Ruby

188: My bed is: “made”

187: My pet: I have a cat, I love her very much and I will show her to you if you dm me a cursed image

186: My best friend: We don’t use “best friend” for personal reasons, but they’ve been with me since I was 5 so, my one and only Bro

185: My favorite shampoo is: anything with “silky smooth” or “strawberries” on the bottle. i’m not that picky anymore.

184: Xbox or ps3: xbox or ps4  xbox

183: Piggy banks are: really useful

 182: In my pockets: wallet, keys, phone, earbuds, black pen/pencil, earplugs, mini flashlight

 181: On my calendar:  i’m meeting a friend for smoothies tomorrow

 180: Marriage is: something we shouldn’t push so much onto people. it’s a declaration of love, not an end-all fix-all to your life. i can’t ever see myself getting married but who knows!

 179: Spongebob can: continue to be a relevant meme

178: My mom: i mean. we function. i can’t really complain about my family at large but i am defiantly looking forward to living literally as far away from them as i can. 

 177: The last three songs I bought were? psh, you think i pay for music? (folie a deux, lake effect kid, believers never die volume two) (those are albums but its okay)

176: Last YouTube video watched: I watched Markiplier play Uno

175: How many cousins do you have? 11? 12? I lost count

174: Do you have any siblings? I have a brother

 173: Are your parents divorced? Nope!

172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes, I have been for a while

171: Do you play an instrument? dude HECK yeah! i vibe on piano, guitar, ukulele, clarinet, and im a drum major

170: What did you do yesterday? I went on a drive by myself.

 [ I Believe In ] 

169: Love at first sight: Nope.

168: Luck: Yes, but luck is something that can be engineered

167: Fate: To an extent

 166: Yourself: I’d say overall, yeah. I still have doubts tho

165: Aliens: Mmmmmm yeah

 164: Heaven: Yes

163: Hell: Yes

162: God: Yeup

 161: Horoscopes: without an ounce of truth, they would have died a long time ago

160: Soul mates: the greeks had seven words for love. i think we have multiple soul mates to fit each of those categories. there are definitely people we’re just meant to vibe with

159: Ghosts: i want to say yes but i really dont know

158: Gay Marriage: yes. its 2020. grow up.

157: War: in theory? no. war is kinda messed up. in reality? not everyone is going to be down to nice diplomatic conflict resolution, and not everyone is just gonna leave people *countries* they don’t like alone, so...

156: Orbs: ??? energies are real

155: Magic: vibes are real

 [ This or That ]

 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: i am a child of jesus

152: Phone or Online: online

 151: Red heads or Black haired:  irdc but black hair bc i am Emo

150: Blondes or Brunettes: blonde?? ig?? easier to dye

149: Hot or cold: hot weather + cold rooms

148: Summer or winter: summer

147: Autumn or Spring: autum (screw spring)

 146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla

145: Night or Day: night

 144: Oranges or Apples: oranges (better to share with homies)

 143: Curly or Straight hair: i dont care but curly

 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonald give iced coffee

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: dark chocolate

 140: Mac or PC: pc for vidgya gaemes

139: Flip flops or high heals: ...converse. please. i cant walk properly in either of those

 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 

 137: Coke or Pepsi: pepsi

136: Hillary or Obama: this is kinda outdated but obama

135: Burried or cremated: cremated i aint watch spn for nothin

134: Singing or Dancing: singing. at least that gets better with practice

133: Coach or Chanel: chanel (thank u mr frank ocean and also the neighborhood)

 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: whomst

 131: Small town or Big city: big city and if you say small town you’ve never lived in a small town

 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target

 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: who tf is this

 128: Manicure or Pedicure: idk dude probably pedicure i don’t like people touching my hands and i use them for too much to get my nails done

127: East Coast or West Coast: hnngggggggg west coast has more to do but east coast has better beaches and 

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday 

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate bc then i can give u some

124: Disney or Six Flags: ive only been to disney so disney (though i AM a HARDCORE rollercoaster stan so it wouldnt take much for me to say six flags)

123: Yankees or Red Sox: what 

 [ Here’s What I Think About ]

 122: War: unfortunately sometimes necessary but not as a first resort i went over this already 

 121: George Bush: is that the shoe guy?

 120: Gay Marriage:  be gay. do crime. kiss wife. or husband. or partner. basically, hell yeah

119: The presidential election: america need 2 b single and focus on herself

 118: Abortion: pro-choice and that choice should be made by the one carrying the baby

117: MySpace: tumblr’s dad

116: Reality TV: don’t talk to about abt this

 115: Parents: disgusting. go to therapy. 

114: Back stabbers: if you’re gonna stab me in the back, pull my lungs through my ribcage bc that’s what my ancestor’s ghosts are gonna do to you (thanks great (x a few times) grandma viking ily thanks for the hair:) )

113: Ebay: good for merch and selling books

 112: Facebook: zuck my dick, data-theif

111: Work: i like doing work? like- i enjoy completing tasks and seeing my hard work pay off? it’s not that bad?

110: My Neighbors: old. boring. want me to babysit for free.

109: Gas Prices: i cant really complain rn they’re kinda low and im a little broke so

108: Designer Clothes: i vibe to them, honestly

 107: College: not for everyone but definitely for me

106: Sports: marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport but only technically speaking though you can make fair comparisons to sports such as cheer, and gymnastics where the idea is to put on a show and receive a score in the form of competition. 

 105: My family: disgusting

104: The future: the future doesn’t exist

 [ Last time I ] 

103: Hugged someone: god, don’t ask me this

 102: Last time you ate: uhhh like 9 hours ago? it was dinner and i had pizza

 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: three or four weeks ago by best bro came to visit and we vibed

100: Cried in front of someone: i finished twist and shout at school at the end of a very bad week. it was only a few tears but that’s as close as i get to crying

99: Went to a movie theater: whenever the last star wars movie came out

98: Took a vacation: last year i went to dc over summer break to see the Smithsonian, it was a lot of fun. i was supposed to go to altanta and florida this year but that didn’t happen for reasons

 97: Swam in a pool: last week

 96: Changed a diaper: never

 95: Got my nails done: never

 94: Went to a wedding: its been at least 6 years dude

93: Broke a bone: never, somehow

 92: Got a peircing: nope

91: Broke the law: technically, yesterday. 55 is too slow

90: Texted: just now

 [ MISC ] 

89: Who makes you laugh the most: the person in my snap named “junior”

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat

87: The last movie I saw: probably into the spiderverse

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: things going back to normal. or somewhat normal. i need school to have a schedule bc i absolutely cannot force myself to function without outside influence

 85: The thing im not looking forward to: ironically, school in the fall. the way we’re going back is going to wreck me more than lockdown already has

 84: People call me: i only ft one of my bros and they know who tf they are if you ask to ft you’re getting fuckin blocked mate i dont do that shit video calls are for WORK and SCHOOL thats IT. but ppl call me by my nickname irl, i go by screech on here. 

83: The most difficult thing to do is: listen to my parent’s political opinions? live in a small town? force myself to be productive without a physical influence and reminder? put up with that one dude?

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

 81: My zodiac sign is: scoprio/leo/gemini

80: The first person i talked to today was: the potential bassist for our potential band? 

79: First time you had a crush: uhh im still not sure if it was a crush but i wanted them to myself and they wanted (and got) someone better. we were just friends so it doesn’t really matter

 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: the person on snap named “the great oracle”

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday, it was my brother

 76: Right now I am talking to: in order of snap names, “vibin ~[^.^]~”, “russian umbrella”, and “mom” (not really)

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully, a job that makes me happy

74: I have/will get a job: as soon as i know what’s going on with school. but like as an adult? wherever will hire me and pay my fairly. being a barista would be fun, but at a local place (not in my current town)

73: Tomorrow: ???? time for bad poetry: tomorrow i will see my friend/ admist this lasting chaos/ we will be each other’s solitude/ while sharing fruity drinks/ and when we both come home/ a smile we will bring

72: Today: idk what this means so more poetry: today i will be sleep deprived as always/ i will think of them and weep/ but no tears will fall from my eyes/ for i know there is a reason/ we went our own way

 71: Next Summer: i fr dont know whats goin on so: next summer i will be/ as happy as can be/ because i will be in pain no longer/ the earth is sure to heal/ and i will heal with her/ so i can enjoy/ the heatwave of next summer

70: Next Weekend: next weekend i will spend/ my days wasting away/ maybe ill finish hannibal/ again/ not that serial killers make the dopamine stay/ i will not see my friends/ or talk to my family/ i will seldom eat/ and live off coffee/ this has been my life/ all quarintine/ god someone please help me

 69: I have these pets: i have four cats, three chickens, and a dog

 68: The worst sound in the world: my dad and grandpa talking

 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Them

 66: People that make you happy: snap name time: the great oracle, junior, vibin ~[^.^]~, russian umbrella, mom, hero, booby-king 48, go to bed, son, pooper trooper, mac&cheese, plain egg biscuit, apple pie

 65: Last time I cried: i dont cry bitch (last week over officals that cant make up they gottdamned mindes)

64: My friends are: my family and i would die for each and all of them

 63: My computer is: an old hp but it play gaemes real good so it okie

 62: My School: is trash but the band pops off

61: My Car: old, fast, clean

60: I lose all respect for people who: are my dad

 59: The movie I cried at was: i cried over big hero six

 58: Your hair color is: blonde

57: TV shows you watch: supernatural, good omens, hannibal, parks and rec

56: Favorite web site: this hellsite or youtube

 55: Your dream vacation: out of the country with beautiful beaches, amazing food, and my best friend

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: the time i split the back of my head open, the time i split my chin open, and the time my then best friend said they didn’t want to talk to me anymore. i’ll let you guess which one hurt the most and which one i think about every fucking day

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium well. 

52: My room is: clean and a reflection of myself, or so i’ve been told

51: My favorite celebrity is: i do not engage in celebrity worship. ill follow them and reblog gifs/interviews but i dont really have a favorite. the less i know abt them the better.

 50: Where would you like to be: my own apartment in nyc

49: Do you want children: FUCK THEM KIDS BRO

 48: Ever been in love: i dont know if it was love. i dont know if it was a crush. what i do know id that i was attached and they didn’t feel the same, and why would they?

 47: Who’s your best friend: we dont really use best friend bc but “the great oracle” “junior” and “vibin ~[^.^]~”

46: More guy friends or girl friends: its 50/50

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: goin fast, the beach, playin video games

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: them

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: go to college, earn degree

 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: commit arson

 41: Have you pre-named your children: FUCK. THEM. KIDS. BRO.

40: Last person I got mad at: they do not understand that they do not know everything about something they’re not even involved in yet

39: I would like to move to: new zealand

38: I wish I was a professional: artist? musican? youtuber? who knows

 [ My Favorites ] 

37: Candy: nerds

36: Vehicle: 1970 mustang gt

 35: President: jfk only bc his assassination is the only good thing abt american history the rest of it is fucked up and shouldn’t have happened. also jfk’s song in assassians the musical goes hard

34: State visited: california

 33: Cellphone provider: verizon? apple? idfk

32: Athlete: what is sport

31: Actor: i don't watch shows or movies

30: Actress: i do not consume media

29: Singer: alex gaskarth or alexander deleon

 28: Band: fall out boy 

 27: Clothing store: hot topic (i will not apologize)

 26: Grocery store: okay harris teeter fucks but lidil’s has aloe vera juice and target at 9 pm energy so idk man 

25: TV show: supernatural...

24: Movie: big hero 6

 23: Website: tumblr or youtube

 22: Animal: snow leopard 

 21: Theme park: busch gardens bc roller coaster go fast

20: Holiday: christmas

19: Sport to watch: snowboarding bc its like skateboarding but on snow

18: Sport to play: anything with havy footwork (marching band is a sport)

17: Magazine: i do not condume media

16: Book: the ranger’s apprentice series as a whole makes up my all-time one favorite book

 15: Day of the week: friday bc its game day baybey

14: Beach: cocoa beach in florida but also i have so much left to experience 

13: Concert attended: i havent been to any notable gigs but i was supposed to go to hella mega

 12: Thing to cook: pancakes

11: Food: pizza or shushi

 10: Restaurant: chiplote

 9: Radio station: i like my local rock station and my local edm/top 40 station

8: Yankee candle scent: anything smoky or vanilla idc

7: Perfume: chanel no. 5 if i even wear it

6: Flower: Hydrangea

5: Color: orange

 4: Talk show host: cecil palmer

 3: Comedian: john maulaney

 2: Dog breed: yes

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ;)

That was a trip. But it was fun, please do things like this more often. Also, I don’t consume media by choice. I’m not sheltered I just can’t be bothered, and I have enough going on. That being said I will now be sleeping. Thanks again, Anon, I hope you have fun reading this :D

[crew-of-the-detz]

Like a Peacock

(Always wanted to do something like this, enjoy!)

"My love, are you ready?"

Jessica almost didn't hear the voice, being muffled from outside the door. Quickly she hops up off of her bed, perfumes her self, slides on her extravagant green and pink dress, then opens the door. There stands her husband, her pristine no flaws husband, her rich husband who provides for her.

God, he's so boring.

Not be misunderstood, she is completely grateful for her social standing and the fact her father found her a husband. But life, life grows boring. The same routine every day, wake up to go to some party socialize with some people to raise some money for some company. This was her day to day life. She might even have enjoyed it if she were running the show, but no, she is just a piece of arm cany for her ever so noble and just husband. She and Him, nothing the same. She has thoughts of adventure and actually leaving the manor they live in, he thinks the outside world to be impure and dirty. And heaven forbid he gets his 9 thousand credit Groffalin leather black shoes a tad dirty.

"Come dear, we go to Madam Sechovek's manor for another charity." This irks Jessica. Charity implies raising money for people who can't on their own, not raising money for an already multi-million credit mega-corperation. But regardless, Jessica followed her husband to the shuttle. And as the shuttle left looking down she could see the brightly colored neon signs that lit the streets below. She thought it sad that they decided to live above the people, literally, instead of with them.

They arrive at Sechovek's manor, some balding rich man gives a speech, they collect money, some other old rich man gives a speech blah blah blah. The "party" starts, stiff dancing to stiff tunes. But, somewhere in the middle of a seemingly millennia old waltz. A very distinct *ping* could be heard.

The room erupts into light.

Windows smash, guests scream, and Jessica who had been looking away from the initial explosion turns around to see them. While she in her sheltered life had never seen pirates before, she had read up on them quite a lot, these seemed to be pirates. She was so well studdied on Pirates that judging by the tattoos and insignias on their clothing, that they are Mr. Kev's men.

A tall Duajhaq man beats the closest man down befor stepping in to plain view. Jessica had never seen a Duajhaq outside of house staff before. "Alright!" His rough voice crowed out. "Bring forward the collected money and nobody needs to get hurt today!" Madam Sechovek herself brings the collected money forward, for her, the amount raised is nothing. But still the pirate eyed the handheld computer that contained the funds greedily. "Thank you kindly. Now, if ya don't mind, we're gonna lighten each and every individuals load a little. If you catch my drift."

The band of pirates split up and started to shake down each of those present. Joking and calling them greedy when they found credits on them not given to the "charity". A Duajhaq pirate approaches Jessica and her husband, he is an interesting looking man. Florescent green and pink tattoos spiral around every available patch of clear skin, even his face is a mosaic of greens and pinks. Everyone but Jessica cowers away, funnily enough Jessica's husband jumps behind Jessica to use her as a shield.

"Yer pockets. Gonna have to ask they be emptied."

Jessica, trying her best to conceal her excitement, steps forward. "Mate, you're not gonna find much dosh on me," the pirates eyes widen upon hearing her use less than formal language. "But these chumps," she points back to her husband and the group of cowering 'nobles', "they are loaded my friend." The pirate nods and walks past her, then shaking down each of the people behind her. She can hardly contain her excitement, this has never happened. And probably never will happen again, unless...

She rips the sleeves off her dress and marches to the center of the room. Before boldly exclaiming, "Which one of you [REDACTED] son of a [REDACTED] [REDACTED] is running this here shitshow!"

Everyone immediately stops what they're doing, old women faint and even a few of the pirates are blushing. The tall Duajhaq man that spoke earlier steps up, "I am, and who are you?"

Jessica throws her arms to the side. "Nevermind who I am! But I got some questions for you!" The Duajhaq man is obviously uncomfortable now. "How do you plan to escape after this? They won't care how many credits you're hauling, system authority will gun you down before you ever make it back to the Detz!"

"How did you-"

Jessica puts up a finger, "I am not finished! However, if you take a hostage," she gestures at herself, "No way in hell system authority will dare to fire a single shot."

The Duajhaq man looks around in disbelief, "Are- are you suggesting we take you, hostage?"

Jessica marches up to the Duajhaq man, and with as much strength she can muster siezes him by the collar of his leather duster. "If I have to go, to one more party, one more 'charity', one more arrogant pricks parlor room as just a decoration for a shallow man. I will do something HORRENDOUSLY stupid. So yes, please for the love of God or Jovohk or whoever." She gets right up in his face. "Take. Me. With. You."

The Duajhaq is expressing genuine terror, and the rest of the pirates are baffled as well. All around the rich guests are crying out and wondering what bout of hysteria has taken her. Eventually the tall Duajhaq clears his throat, "Yeah. Okay, okay lady we'll take you with us."

As the pirates left, Jessica stood on the ramp to the Pirates dropship that had smashed through a window. "Oh, and one last thing!" All the eyes in the room snapped over to her. Once she was sure that all eyes were on her, with both hands she gave the most graceful one finger salute before closing the ramp.

She sits down next to the tattooed Duajhaq that had shook her husband, or rather ex husband, down earlier. "Say, I absolutely love your tattoos. They're in my favorite colors!" She gestures to her dress as the Duajhaq man shifts his weight uncomfortably. "Mind showing me where I can get my own?"

The Duajhaq man looks at her bare arms and nods, his eyes lighting up. "Yeah, I can color your skin something pretty. Like a peacock!"

The rest of the way to the Detz thats all they discussed, tattoos to make her like a peacock. Thats her nickname around the bar of the Detz now, Peacock.

Peacock now serves as a "business espionage" expert for Kev and crew, and she's damn good at her job.

[karmanticmoved]

1-85 uwu

j esus okay

1. describe yourself.

uh,, emotional ig, dumbass, quiet, exhausted all of the time, v queer, healthy mix of feminine and masculine, insecure, and not tha t great tbh. kinda a pussy ass b itch

2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be?

idrk. maybe somewhere like a hella nice beach in another country, maybe somewhere in europe. i like travelling but i hate the travel to get there and have no money so i havent put thought into it. maybe hawaii or somewhere like that.

3. do you have siblings?

the one thats still alive is my half brother

4. what is your favorite constellation, why?

orion maybe bc i don't know a lot but i can see that one from my bedroom window even in the city n idk. its comforting. or scorpius cause i'm a scorpio

5. favorite color.

yellow, pink, or blue.

6. what kind of music do you listen to?

almost anything. whatever catches my interest.

7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are awesome)

forgot what i said last time but those

yellow carnations i think?

8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn?

maybe smth to put myself to sleep immediately bc f uCk

9. favorite childhood memory.

my summer camp memories are pretty great. also memories of my dad and i going fishing are good.

10. have you ever been cheated on?

i mean in theory i couldve been bc online relationships but no. n im polyam and have identified as such for a majority of my relationships so no.

11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be?

big but not too big, yknow? like big enough that it can be filled and have room to walk around and lay on the ground or whatever but not Empty. and a pretty big bed to stretch out on, n a closet in the room. multiple windows w blackout curtains so theres light but it can be blocked out. n fluffy rugs or carpeting but preferably rugs in case smth spills so we can get it out of at least Remove the rug. and probably a cat tree thing in corner for dipper. n a computer desk and actual lights that light up the whole room. but probably,, fairy lights too bc full lights too bright. and i kinda want a pink room but blue or yellow work also. a nd pride flags on the walls + posters and various other stuff bc plain walls are boring. and tons n tons of b ooks too.

12. favorite animal.

river otter

13. what was the last photo you took of?

cat

14. do you believe in soul mates?

i'm not sure. i do kinda think there are people who you will like. really really click with and who become so important in your life that they're like. apart of u yknow? but i don't think that anyone as an individual needs to keep those people in their life forever. they arent destined to stay with them, and they shouldnt force that relationship (platonic, familial, romantic, or whatever) even if they were close for years and years. screw destiny. youll have people you care about, and sometimes you have to break that bond to save yourself, and thats okay. there will be other people who can and will be just as important. that got kinda off topic skbsks. i don't think theres really like Destiny soulmates. but there could be like. soulmates in the sense of for however long we're together, we're soul bonded. even if its not forever. does that even make se nse skbsns

15. do you hang toilet paper over or under?

over is the one thats socially acceptable right

16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there.

idk theres a place near a movie theater closeish to my house and its a nice little cafe and i dont eat there bc i dont eat much in general but i get their bubble tea and i love. raspberry bubble tea w rose popping bubbles. its comfort drink.

17. do you believe everything happens for a reason?

no. sometimes shit happens for no reason, and its bullshit, but you can't reverse it, so you gotta figure out how to move on from it.

18. guilty pressures?

im assuming thats meant to be pleasures

umm,, idrk. i don't know what exactly i like that would count as a guilty pleasure so,,

19. favorite mythical creature, why?

merpeople are s o cool i fuckin. love funky aquatic pals hell yeah. maybe im just Water babey but. they're rad. dragons are also hella cool bc like dragons???? theyre scaly and prett y and can breathe fire or have wings and kill u?? also like selkies bc again. water. but i used to hear a lot of stories abt them and theyre so nea t

20. something most people don’t know about you.

i have the potential to be a huge asshole and also kinda Wish to fuckin murder someone sometimes but. i act nice most of the time anyway.

not murder murder but i can get angr y enough that i just wanna Stab smth

21. where did you grow up, what was it like?

grew up kinda near the edge of the city, still in it but not like the main city area. in western washington. it was kinda rly boring, i used to spend a lot more time outside or just by myself playing with leaves or toys or whatever. when i had friends i played make believe w them even when outside of school. so yeah. boring id say.

22. do you believe aliens exist?

sure.

23. what was your last google search?

other than names for some actors n stuff, i was looking up various star wars things

24. what did your last relationship teach you?

the one that like. ended? i guess thatd be. be careful with your own feelings and try to figure them out before jumping into anything, and also don't try to force smth that in reality isnt really working.

25. would you relocate for love?

honestly yeah

26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy?

both. it just depends on how badly i or someone i care about was hurt by it. more likely to hold a grudge if a friend was hurt by someone d eep enough to leave a lasting impact or if they don't get a genuine apology i will be 🔫🔫. or if the person keeps hurting them. even if that person is also my friend.

27. favorite book.

favorite graphic novel is bloom by kevin panetta

favorite books in general are autoboyography, more happy than not, and what if its us. all gay. i know. its okay. im a kinnie.

28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert?

introvert by far

29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now?

i tried once. i probably will have to once i go see a therapist, or at least one for my Bad Thoughts

30. top 5 favorite movies.

in no particular order

little shop of horrors, love simon, coco, it (2017 and 1990), and shazam! ig? maybe others but i definitely Forgot all the shit ive watched

31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason?

no

32. what is your greatest fear?

definitely gotta be all of the people i love hating me and abandoning me or secretly hating me and then leaving me without saying anything. and the worst part is im always afraid its gonna happen babeyy

33. favorite alcoholic beverage.

im baby

34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done.

im embarrassed by my own existence. i don't remember the Most embarrassing thing

35. do you believe in ghosts?

not until i have proof that i can actually trust and believe in

36. what is the best and worst part of your personality?

idk ig im nice. but im also. very easily set off on certain emotions especially the bad ones which sucks like especially jealousy bc i dont wanna!! feel jealous!! tho i think that ties into my greatest fear bc my brain immediately tells me im useless to everyone and they hate me. but. sometimes i get jealous and then feel bad for that and then hate myself for all of it. bc my friends deserve to hang out w other people and care about other people im just fucking stupid babey !!

37. should you split the dinner bill?

i rly don't get why you wouldnt tbh like if u both wanna be there u should both pay. but if one person gonna pay it should be the person that asked.

38. are you a good liar?

most of the time. when it comes to my mental health i can either lie great or im literally breaking down in front of the person so

39. what keeps you up at night?

depressing thoughts. anxiety about everything. wishing i could cuddle and fall asleep w jay. sometimes i just cant sleep bc im too restless.

40. would you rather go without your phone or music?

music. i need my phone to text my friends and i Need my friends

41. do you believe in god?

what god would let the world get to the point its at. what god would allow people to do such fucked up shit.

no. i don't.

42. how do you relax when frustrated?

cry, take a nap, take a shower, listen to music, cuddle dipper

43. what’s something that offends you?

when people go "oh yeah i support gay rights but im still gonna eat at chick fil a bc its good" like i get so fucking. pissed off by that. youre not gonna fucking s ta rv e without their goddamn chicken. i know a bi person who goes there and says its okay bc they dont Directly Give Their money to Specifically anti gay organisations but im just. ugh. fucking pissed bc there are other places to get food just avoid the one place for fucks sake. their food is good it doesnt matter. its like saying yeah pewdiepie is a bad person and nazi and a racist asshole but his videos r funni haha so im gonna watch him anyway

44. favorite food

i hate myself whenever i eat food

45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be?

@destinedformuchmore or @pinaplelee

46. when do you feel the most confident?

never? but ig i feel confident when working on tech construction during theater tech. as long as i know what im doing.

47. what do you do in your free time?

sleep. draw. cry. play video games. talk to my friends.

48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect

matpat did for being a dick abt neopronouns and making a transphobic joke and only apologizing when a cis person told him to. not when hundreds of trans people did. and also other jokes that are inherently offensive to various groups. a n d for making extremely not Child friendly jokes in his videos which are very much targeted towards kids. say what you will about the target audience, there are a lot of children who watch them. please stop making creepy nsfw jokes if you won't even swear, sir.

49. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

i guess so yeah. but she also broke mine first.

50. did/do you play sports in school?

i did. i don't anymore bc highschool sports are bullshit but. basketball, ultimate, and soccer.

51. when are you happiest?

talkin 2 jay prolly

52. coffee or tea?

tea

53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without?

my binder. or my stuffed cat puppet thing ive had since i was 7

54. what is the first thing you notice about a person?

their general emotions, mostly. like if theyre in a good mood or if theyre bored or distracted or whatever. or if they seem interested in actually talking to me

55. what is your favorite season, why?

fall. my birthday, the atmosphere is nice, it's pretty, its hoodie weather.

56. what makes you laugh?

stupid little comments or jokes my friends make tend to make me laugh a lot harder than i should but jabdn

57. are you a clean or messy person?

a mix. i Cannot have some things messy or i will ksjqkd. Die but i don't make my bed too often bc its ha rd when its against 3 walls.

58. what is important for a successful relationship?

communication communication communicati

talk about ur goddamn problems n keep talking to each other.

59. what was your upcoming like?

if thats supposed to be upbringing

idk, very relaxed. pretty easygoing and kinda boring.

60. favorite holiday?

any holiday in december rly. i don't celebrate a Lot but the atmosphere and others celebrating is nice to see. i kinda wish my parents did more to embrace the jewish part in our family blike. whatever. christmas is fun.

61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?

give half of it to my parents. and then probably use it for plane ticket

62. what’s the best pizza topping combination?

hawaiian pizza. pinapple n canadian bacon ty

63. favorite outdoor activity.

frisbee

64. how are you? honestly.

not great. i want highschool to end.

65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort?

idk. camping is fun but if i get to stay at the resort for free i would rly love 2 stay at a resort tbh ive never done that

66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature?

waterfalls. or rivers or just. water in nature. and very green forests. aNd snow.

67. favorite type of candy?

none

68. if your life was a book, what would be the title?

i can and will do arson, an autobiography

69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases?

i quote john mulaney and whatever my obsessions are pretty regularly

70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now?

silly bandz. pokemon cards. these weird unicorn figures i collected

71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on?

im mostly the one having the weird conversations

72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched?

i watched one about dogs and cats and their evolution which was lit

73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had?

when i let the lady just go fuckin ham on my hair bc i was watching spirit that horse movie and didnt wanna stop so it was. rly bad bangs and hella short in back but not the sides

74. what do you like to cook?

whatever im hungry for. i don't have the energy to cook a lot

75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild?

really pretty tropical fish

76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen?

idk. i rly like schitts creek its pretty amusing

77. do you usually follow your heart or your head?

heart at first but my head if things get bad

78. what is your favorite quote?

"i have a splitting headache and i think i'm dying. how are you?"

or a character just saying "try harder" when another failed to do smth.

this is supposed to be deep or whatever but im in a Mood

79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had?

once had a crush on a character in a minecraft parody lmao

80. what’s your love language?

sending shit that makes me think of them. n just. making tons of stuff for them both online and irl like bracelets.

81. do you ever feel alone?

oh yeah. all the time. im not but it feels like i am which sucks

82. ever been bullied?

yeah

83. are you usually early or late?

late bc of my parents rip

84. what kind of art do you enjoy most?

drawing, or writing. also theater.

85. what do you wish you knew more about?

i just wish i could remember everything ive learned more about. i know a lot i just forget all.

id like to know more about forensics tho

[slayfics]

Seduced

SFW (A little suggestive)

Drinking

You slam down the shot of vodka on the table. That’s the third one you've had and you can’t taste them anymore. Your tongue is numb and slowly you are starting to be too. Which is exactly the effect you were aiming towards. You look up for the bar tender and signal him over.

“Two more please.” You say. The bartender's eyes widen but he does what you ask.

“That’s a lot of vodka for someone with your small frame.” The man sitting next to you says. You didn’t notice when he got there or if he had been there this whole time, but you aren’t interested. 

“Mmmhmmm.” You mumble without looking up at him, hoping this is enough to get him to back off.

“Someone must of done you wrong. A boy I’m assuming since it looks like you're here alone, is that right?” He asks. Great you think, to top off this awful night you have to deal with a creep hitting on you at a bar. Even worse he noticed you were alone.

“Look man I had one shitty ass night and the last thing I need is you pointing it out or even breathing in my direction.” You bark back still not looking over at him. He signals the bar tender over.

“Yeah get this woman a chaser for her shots.” He says. “I won’t bother you anymore love, just take the beer yeah? You're gonna kill your self with all that hard liquor in your tiny body.” He says as the bartender slides a beer over to you.

“You wouldn’t even begin to know my alcohol tolerance aright guy so please fuck off.” 

“Alright alright sorry love enjoy your night.” He says. Thats when you heard it. This man had an accent. How did you not notice before? You hated to admit it but this tiny realization threw you into re-thinking your anger towards the innocent man. He hadn’t really shown himself to be a creep and yet here you were giving him your best bitch attitude. 

“Your British? You ask. For the first time you turn to look at him. He is peculiar to say the least, he has green skin, one red eye, and extremely sharp teeth. 

“Mmm yeah i’m from England.” He says taking a drink from his beer. This sudden fact seems to humanize the man you’ve been taking your anger out on, and you feel the need to apologize. 

“Look I’ve had a tough night.... I appreciate the beer. Thank you.” 

“No problem love.” 

“I kind of am feeling pretty buzzed already…. do you want to take this shot with me?” You ask and slide one of the vodka shots over to him.

“I’d love to.” He says a grin spreading across his face as he realizes you are now welcoming his attention. You both grab your shots, you watch as he easily slides his down as though it is water. You on the other hand have to focus a bit more on getting the shot down, the beer right after helps though. 

“Well you know why I'm here alone, so what’s your story?” You ask.

“I’m in town to make a business deal.”

“A business deal? You’re here to make a business deal in a half buttoned down shirt and a leather jacket?”

“Right, the best deals are made with people in their natural habitat aren’t they? Not in the day hours where they have that mask on. You know that bullshit 9 to 5 I’m a model citizen with no skeletons in my closet.” The man laughed. “Better to make the good deals when they are feeling good and loosing themselves in the freedom of letting go.”

“Yeah that actually makes a lot of sense. Well shouldn't you be focusing on that then instead of buying girls drinks?” 

 "Oh I've already closed the deal love. As for the drink part I couldn't think of a better way to spend my time or money." He says and winks at you. You look away and take a drink of your beer trying not to show a reaction but you can feel your checks get warm.

“What’s your name lovely?” He asks. You introduce yourself and wait for him to do the same but he doesn’t.

“That’s a beautiful name, really suites you.” He says as he drinks more of his beer.

“Thank you… I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name.” You say. He pauses a bit and turns to look at you.

“You don’t know me?” He asks. 

“Am I suppose to?” You say. The man looks taken a back and greatly offended. 

“Right! Well I’m the Murdoc Niccals.” He says with an emphasis on the as though this is suppose to mean something to you. He is arrogant and it’s starting to annoy you. You roll your eyes.

“You really think a lot of yourself don’t you?”

“I’m very proud of my accomplishments love.” He says mater of factly as he finishes his beer and signals the bar tender for another one.

“Which are…?” You ask. He turns to look at you with a confused expression on his face.

“I’m Murdoc Niccals from the Gorillaz, no not from it is my band, and we’ve come very far thanks to me.” He says and turns back to his beer. It makes sense now why he has been so arrogant. You of course knew this band and listened to them quit often, but hadn’t looked into the faces behind the music. You feel a little regret from becoming rude with him but at the same time you enjoy the fact that he’s confused why you aren’t fawning over him. 

“I liked Humanz.” You begin to say.

‘Of course you did-”

“Let me finish.” You bark. “I liked Humanz but it got a little messy at parts.” You say testing his reaction.

“And what are you a music critic?”

“I could be. Look I'm just messing with you don’t get fussy.” He decided he liked this chase, he liked that this girl wasn’t easy and didn’t seem to care that he was famous. She was still treating him as some random guy at a bar, it made him want her even more. He decided he had to start working on an angel.

“I like your courage but anyway that’s enough about me love. Tell me more about you and this man that didn’t live up to your expectations."

“Oh..” You're taken off guard by the fact that this arrogant man wasn’t going to talk about himself for hours. “There is not really much to it, typical story it’s not very interesting.” You say hoping he will drop it. You really don’t want to think about it.

“Mmm so this guy doesn’t see your worth or potential I'm assuming. Which is a shame because you're rather beautiful.” He says turning all his focus to you. His eyes watching your every reaction and it feels invading. It becomes clear that he’s trying to read you. You let out a playful laugh. His face tightens as he tries to determine what the laugh means.

“You’re really gonna try that hu? That’s pretty low hitting on a vulnerable girl.” You say taking a sip off your beer hoping he’ll look away. He doesn’t though his eyes stay fixed on you he’s already made up his mind.

“Love you aren’t vulnerable I can see that. The man standing in the back getting off looking at those girls dancing together can see that, and so can this bartender. No no honey you got a lot more to you than that.” He leans in closer to you.

“You have that line rehearsed mate?” You say turning to him and mocking his accent. He smiles and he’s a little too close for comfort now. 

“No not that one, but you want to hear my rehearsed lines lovely? Because I'll tell them all to you.”

“Depends are they all ‘Hey I'm Murdoc Niccals and I'm famous so you should sleep with me.’’’ You say further mocking him but meeting his gaze now. You don’t want to show him you're nervous.

“You’ll have to hear them to see.” He says 

"Well go on i'm listening..." 

"Alright here we go.." He takes a drink of his beer then places his hand on the bar to lean against it. His hand is close to you and you don’t know how you feel about it yet. "You’ve had a rough night honey. I can see you here trying to forget it, taking these shots by yourself you want to numb it out of your system don’t you darling? By why put your energy into forgetting such a beautiful night, or at least it could be if you came with me.” A devilish grin spreads across his face. 

“Is that all you got?” You say tauntingly.

“Let me buy you another beer sweetheart and we can focus on turning this hard night you’ve been having into one of the best nights you’ve had in awhile.” 

“I’m no where near convinced… but I will let you buy me another beer.” You say trying to hide the fact that you want to smile. He signals the bar tender over with the same devilish smile on his face. He knows he’s close to getting you now. The bartender comes and gives you another beer. You take a sip and look at him.

“Well keep going give it another shot.."

“This chap that ruined your night he must not have seen the potential you have, no doubt it scared him away.-‘

“No. I don't like it try again.” You cut him off.

“Alright alright..” He takes a sip of his beer. “Here we go how about this. You’ve been wasting your time running around with these men no boys honey. That’s the problem you’ve never had a real gentlemen to show you your worth-“

“No. It was okay in the beginning but I know my worth. Try again.” You smile and take a sip of beer enjoying that he’s trying so hard. You don’t think anyone has ever put this much effort to chase you before.

“Hmmmm.. alright. Lovely you’ve been disrespected and you need a night dedicated all to you, because you deserve it, and you haven’t been focusing any time on yourself.”

“No. That was awful.”  You laugh then finish your beer and notice you are quite drunk now. 

“I got it.” He says.

“Yeah you’ve got it?”

“Oh yes darling, took me awhile but I've been reading you.”

“Okay hit me then."

“No. I don’t think you're ready to hear the truth.” He says eyes locked on yours.

“What are you talking about?” He has you confused now.

“You’ve been your own problem honey. Whatever happened tonight I'm sure wasn’t all you, but these guys will never be able to please you because you wont let them. Right you think you’re letting them but you’ve got yourself in a cage don’t you? You’re afraid of yourself and what you actually want. I think you’ve been waiting for it to come to you but it doesn’t work that way. You have to allow yourself to be free first to really experience what it is you’ve been waiting for. That’s the hardest part of it all.” He’s been watching your expression change and he knows he’s got it right. You lean in closer to him.

“How’d you get all that?”

“I’ve got outstanding interpersonal skills.” He smiles. For the first time you notice an inverted cross he’s been wearing. You pick it up and play with it between your fingers and focus your attention on this instead of him. It’s a simple act but he knows that means he has you now.

“I told you, you weren’t ready.”

“No. It’s interesting to see how I come off to people.” You say looking back up at him but still playing with the cross around his neck. He smiles at you.

“Not anyone would have been able to see that love. But I do, and I think you should let me help you. I’ve got a lot of experience you know? Why don’t you give yourself a night where you can really explore yourself yeah? I don’t mind I've seen it all really. Let me help you darling.” You pull on his cross slightly and it brings him closer to you.

“You see that girl over there.” You say and he turns slightly to look but then quickly back at you. “She was crying in the bathroom about some break up she went through. She’s had a bad night too, but she is looking for someone. I’ve seen her eye some guys around the bar, she’s waiting for someone to approach her. She’d be easy. But me, I don’t know what I want. I’ll go home with you but I don’t know if I want to sleep with you. I do like talking to you though and I’d really like to hear more about you. So you’ve got a choice to make.” You let go of his necklace but he doesn’t move he stays close to you.

“Honey I don’t like easy. That girl over their I can already tell you everything about her. I’ve had hundreds of boring girls like that before. I’d trade the chance to just be in the company of someone like you over sleeping with a girl like that any day.” He leans back to his original position. You eye him and finish your beer.

“Ok lets go.” You say. 

[fhujami]

Do not cross the line | Chapter 27 [Sam Drake x Reader]

AU - Sam and reader works in the marketing communication office

Pairing: Samuel Drake x reader

Tags: @missdictatorme  @ruaiori @jaheesvorson @dragonjedihobbit @theoniprince @ikikime @mynameismono @souls-rain @samsassinparvismagna @easy-and-steady

A/N: posting this phone, so might got fucked up badly 😂 also might have full of mistakes and won't made any sense. (Thats why i stop after finishing my stories) Sorry. Will fix the links and all later.

Chapter 1 - 9 - Chapter 10 - 19 - Chapter 20 - Chapter 21 - Chapter 22 - Chapter 23 - Chapter 24 - Chapter 25 - Chapter 26 - Chapter 27 - Chapter 28 - Chapter 29 - Chapter 30 - >

Harry chalked his stick, prepared to hit the ball.

“You two didn't fucked?” - Sam asked while the pain in his chest grew until he was sure it will tear him apart.

“Why you think that?” - Harry asked from Sam, who’s brows knitted hard together when he thought. Nobody said that you and Harry were fucking. That was something he figured himself.

He thought you two fucked, based on Harry’s cocky talk about you, because he saw you two hugging, and that Harry disappeared into the restroom with you.

But if you two didn’t fuck, what he had done for the passing week, was a really shitty thing.

He wanted to make you jealous, with that idiot plan of fucking that waitress in his office, hoping you could hear or see them.

And you saw them.

He was such an asshole. You were probably so mad and hurt, never wanting to see him ever again.

The sound of balls clacking together after Harry’s hit, Sam returned back to earth from his deep thoughts.

“Yeah, we kissed but... But nothing happened.” - Harry continued, moving around the table to hit again, Sam’s eyes following him.

“I mean… She was drunk, it was a little heated but…” - Harry stopped for a moment when he finished his hit.

“But… She wanted you.” - he looked at how he couldn’t manage to put any balls to the pouch, returning Sam’s gaze. - “She always wanted you. And besides, I am kinda seeing someone else.” - Harry took a sip from his beer, and Sam couldn't believe his ears.

“Mate, I knew the moment you came with her in my room to introduce her to me, that you wanted her too.”

“How can you know that?” - Sam asked, placing himself next to the table, preparing to hit.

“Because you had looked that way only one woman before her…” - Harry said quietly, little bit of sadness in his tone while Sam hit the rock, balls clicking together while at the same time his heart stopped beating.

He didn’t returned Harry's gaze when he straightened himself, leaning to the edge of the pool table, feeling small gringe of pain on his chest when he knew who Harry was talking about.

“You have looked that way only Crystal.”

Sam closed his eyes, feeling the pain crunching on his chest. Different kind of pain that he felt earlier. This one came from deep, from the past.

Crystal. His first and so far his only love.

They were on and off for years, they met as teenagers, and the final break-up happened when Sam ended in prison.

That was enough to Crystal, not wanting to see him ever again, she broke his heart. Since that, Sam has not had any relationships. He figured he won’t have to face the pain again if he does not become attached to anyone.

Yet you two fucked twice, he was attached to you. The thought of you choosing Harry made him insane, making the pain return to his chest, ripping the healed wounds open what he fixed in the prison after Crystal left him.

And he ruined it all.

With his huge palm, Sam rubbed his face roughly when he wanted to punch himself so badly.

He sighed long, mumbling something under his breath.

“What did you do?” - Harry knew he had done something, you were acting so strangely this morning, that something clearly had happened.

Sam placed his hand back to the edge of the table, staring somewhere in the distance.

“I fucked Nina in my room and she saw us.”

Harry tilted his head back, shaking it.

“You are such an asshole...” - he said.

“She has hard time and you played with her like that!” - he snapped to Sam.

“What do you mean?” - Sam couldn’t understand what Harry was talking about. You were always so confident and happy in the office.

“I can’t tell you because I don’t want to lose her trust! But if you really care about her you really need to make this up to her!” - Harry walked around the table next to Sam, whos head was low, like a shamed puppy.

“I know you have been scared of becoming attached to someone, but if you really care about her go and fix your shit.” - Harry placed his hand to other man’s shoulder.

Sam closed his eyes.

He had no idea if he managed to fix what he had done. He had no idea if you can never forgive him.

“Go to her.” - Harry encouraged his best friend.

Sam was afraid. He was afraid as hell. But he knew he needed to try to fix it all.

He gathered himself and started to head toward the door, grabbing his denim jacket from the chair on his way as Harry watched after him, small smile on his face while grabbed his beer, taking a gulo from it.

“Good luck mate.”

--

Sam jumped on his car while throwing his jacket to the front seat.

His mind was racing, what the hell he should say? Will you even let him in to explain and apologize?

He shook his head with a frown while he turned the key, starting the engine.

He cursed himself to the deepest part of hell. Of course you felt the connection between you two when he made love to you st your place. But he was so blind and afraid to believe it after he saw you in the office talking with Harry, when you hadn’t called him.

You wanted to explain to him why you didn’t call him, but he didn’t let you.

He slammed the wheel with his fist when he became more angrier at himself, before he reached to dig from his jacket pocket his cigarettes.

He lifted the cigarette between his lips and lightened it, taking a long drag and letting the smoke fill his car when he puffed it all out.

He was sure you didn’t wanted to see him or talk to him. But he needed to try. He would not forgive himself if he won’t atleast try.

With anger he dragged his cigarette, as he drove fast to get to you as soon as possible.

Stopping front of your building, he jumped out of his car, locked the doors and rushed the steps up to the front door.

He ran the stairs up, skipping two steps when he flew up to your floor, fear growing in his chest.

Without hesitation, he rang the doorbell and waited. When nothing happened he closed his eyes, feeling how the crunging pain in his chest made him hard to breathe.

But when he heard the lock clicking his eyes shot open, when the door front of him opened slowly, your face revealing behind it.

But when you recognized him, you were about to slam the door close front of his face, but Sam managed just in time to put his feet between it, the pain were nothing compared what was filling his chest.

“Please. Let me in.” - he begged, peeking inside from the slightly open door, seeing how you were looking elsewhere.

“I have nothing to say to you.” - you tone was like an ice, the ice sticks from it smashing against Sam’s chest.

“Please. Let me explain.”

“I don’t want to hear about it.” - the conversation was almost the same you two had earlier of the week, this time parts had changed.

Sam mumbled with his words, he didn’t knew what to say, there were not enough words to say what kind of an idiot, an asshole he has been.

“Leave me alone.” - you tried to kick his foot away from the door.

Sam pulled roughly the door, your hand slipping from the handler and you took a few steps back as Sam stepped inside your apartment.

“I’ll call the police!” - you screamed to him as he closed the door behind him.

“You would have run to your phone already if you would.” - Sam said when he turned himself toward you, looking your small, scared form.

“I’m sorry! I was an asshole! I thought you were fucking with Flynn and chose him!” - he yelled at you, which made you take another step further from him.

“Harry?! Where the hell you got that idea?!” - you screamed back, even you were scared of Sam’s tensed body, his flaming eyes and threathful tone.

“I saw you two hugging and disappearing to the restroom! And you’ve been flirting with him as you had flirted with me too!”

“I am not accountable to you! We are not together or anything!”

“I know! But I thought we had a connection! That you felt it to when I made love to you in your bed! But you didn't call me to ask me back!” - Sam yelled, spreading his hands, he knew you two weren’t nothing, what you did was not of his business.

“I thought it too but you didn’t let me explain that I spilled my coffee on your note and it ruined your phone number! Then you treated me like shit and fucked that waitress again in your office! I thought you used me only for sex!” - tears were now pouring from your eyes as Sam’s eyes softened when he heard what you thought.

You tried your hardest to fight against the tears but the pain in your chest was too much and you couldn’t help it when they falled down your cheeks.

“Harry comforted me! He is the only one who ever cared how I feel and wanted to support me!” - your voice cracked more and more with each word what slipped from your mouth.

“I have no-one.” - you whispered, placing your hands on your chest as you squat down.

Sam watched how you broke down front of him. How that confident woman he used to see in the office, was now just a fragile and lonely girl.

[overbakedone]

1

this is the first time i've ever started writing my thoughts and feelings anywhere before. this is not easy.

instead of writing things and then deleting it all because its not good enough or it sounds stupid i'm just going to write it now and stop backspacing. i guess i should start with where i am in life right now so there is some perspective.

im 25, im a bakers apprentice, i live with my parents, i have a girlfriend, lets call her ‘C’ who for the first time feels right to me despite everything, i barely have any friends, they don't ever want to see me, i don't have much time in my life right now, i work all night and struggle to fit sleep into my schedule. but things are really the best they have ever been for me. i just started an AFL 9′s competition, weird i usually have no confidence going into these things and will either quit after the first practice or not even show up, i really kinda enjoyed it and am excited for next week.

i've wanted to start writing anything for a few months now, i guess now i have some time. time is so fucked up, i wish there was more of it, i wish i could sleep without wasting my day, i wish i didn't have to compromise sleep for everything but i do, i guess its part of being a baker, its a job i am loving and i think i've found my life passion but it has its ups and downs. my partner C expects a lot of my time i guess, she can be very needy at times, demanding almost, sometimes i feel pressured by her to sacrifice my sleep, personal plans and hobbies and interests for her, but i know what she feels, she wants the same thing i do. she has problems making friends, or keeping friends, she feels isolated and alone, and she wants my companionship, and i want that too and despite anything i feel in the moment i always feel happy about her at the end of the day.

i should be grateful for the relationship i am in right now, i really should be grateful for a lot of stuff, my parents for allowing me to stay here still, being so supportive and also allowing and accepting of me and really tolerant of the shit i do. ok so i do smoke week every day right so that's already something to do at home that's difficult, i'm pretty sure they know and don't care or even agree that my life has been better since i started smoking, fuck i used to be on antidepressants, i took one every day at a certain time, it made me feel a bit better, ok sounds just like smoking right, expect when i didn't take this pill i got nausea, headaches, severe episodes of depression, i couldn't eat my appetite was so fucked up i was eating one meal a day and it was like a piece of bread or takeaway food. since the smoking started i've found some actual passion in life, i don't feel like a useless number anymore i guess.

one of the things on my mind always is my friends, since i was in highschool i havent really had a group of friends, i feel like i am a social person but then when it comes to it i feel like i just get burned. a lot of my old friends turned out to be secretly hating me and not wanting me around, some sort of pity friendship, i was an asshole in my time and honestly was not a good friend myself, do you pay for the dumb shit you do as a teenager, the people you fuck over go from your life completely yet new people you meet do the same things to you like they know. i had/have a long term best friend, J, we had been mates for years, we worked at my old job dominoes together for a bit, and kinda hung out a few times, but not until we got into PC gaming together did we form a bond. after that we would chat every day, play games together, watch the footy together, go places even though he lived across the city from me. one thing that changed massively in my life was i quit drinking alcohol, and then i felt like all my friends both disagree with my choice and resent me for it, like for some reason i have to take the same drugs they are taking at that time to be their friends. so J has just grown more and more distant, i get that we are older now, we both have partners, jobs that take a lot of our time, but then when we hang out or talk he seems disinterested, more interested with his friends that i introduced him to (from our discord server) and has seemingly replaced me, none of these guys i really like at all, in fact the only one of the new group i like is the one girl in it because she actually has interesting things to say.

fuck that was a paragraph, i guess i should talk about alcohol.

alcohol has fucked up my life, i cant repair the mistakes and stupid things i did while drinking alcohol, so they are there, i guess its just talking about it left. to start off, when i drink alcohol i have a hard time finding my limit, i feel like i swing from nothing to completely blacked out, puking, sobbing and basically hating myself very quick, i feel sick for days after drinking, barely able to eat, leave bed, move, i feel so nauseous and tired, its so fucked up what it does to your body, but oh your mind is even worse. i've broken off relationships, cheated, threatened people, gotten into fights, brawls, got my arm broken, hurt myself repeatedly, gotten arrested and a criminal record that may prevent me from going to canada next year, and is currently delaying booking flights, ive missed work, shown up drunk same clothes no shower to work, but the main thing that alcohol does to me is makes me sad. alcohol makes me so fucking sad, it makes me reach into the deepest pits i can think of and brings out all the emotions that are in there, my ex being the main one. every time i used to drink id think of her, call her, text her, go on her facebook, look up her instagram her twitter, fuck it drive my car to her house to see if her cars there like that does anything or means anything just fucking alcohol is so stupid. i never want to feel like that again, i never want to sabotage my life, sabotage and self destruct my relationships, but i guess losing my friends is the thing i have to take in consideration. australia is a fucked up place, where drinking heavily is the social norm and if you don't get fucked up or even have a beer with mates you're a loser.

i just want a deep connection with my friends. when i was in newcastle with my partner, i  met her friends there that she had been living with, despite the fucked up things that happened to her there, she lost a lot of friends herself and a long time friend, had trouble finding new ones, trouble fitting in, the friends she had there were the most honest and truly welcoming, connecting people ive met, and i miss that. i miss having a friend you can just, go over to their place, sit around for 3-4 hours talking shit, laughing, listening to music, relaxing and sharing stories and shit. weird that people can have such an effect on you in a short time. the life i live here is full of making plans, only for them to be cancelled, inviting friends over, for nobody to show up, cancelled plans all the fucking time, i've never been asked to just come over and chill, never its always some group thing that i'm invited to as well. i even try talking to them about this, i told a group of girl friends i have, i miss you all and haven't seen you in so long, we need to have a casual hangout, and the message was almost completely ignored, i asked them all to come to mind to watch the grand final, the house was free, i got a big projector screen, big comfy couch, live central right in the middle of everyone, nobody even replied or brought it up again, yet the second someone else that lives in the far corners of perth brought it up everyone started chatting about their plan to go. so if that's not my friends making it obvious they don't want to see me, they only include me then thats fucked up. i don't know what to say, this happens all the time, my 21st birthday i invited 65 people, and less than 15 people showed up. its hard to keep trying, always trying, i always try to make social events, i always ask friends what they are doing, when they can see me, make plans, they get cancelled, they are busy, they say they're coming then don't show up, most of the time i never hear a word too, they just dont show and don't even apologize, is that a fair thing to do, yeah sometimes i dont go to my friends events, i'm too fucking tired or just don't feel like going, somethings come up, i tell them straight away i cant make it i'm sorry this has come up, yet i don't get the same courtesy.

am i an unlikable person

the guys at work seem to like me, so i started a baking apprenticeship, basically i started watching great british bake off and picked it up as a hobby, making cakes and stuff, actually i should go back. so i used to work in some shitty small software company in the city, 9-5, peak hour traffic, office drama, workplace bullies, understaffed, overworked, red tape and bullshit everywhere, i quit after 2.5 years for mental health reasons, i made a lot of money but had to move on, so i spent a year off , it was only supposed to be a few months, go on a holiday road trip with my then partner, S, she broke up with me via a text message right after eagles lost to melbourne at home, basically the footy game was more disappointing, we had a shit relationship, i think i resented her, i cheated on her, yeah i'm an awful person and deserve everything, she was an emotionally manipulative person, terrified of her own body and sex, tried to dominate my life and change me, im glad we broke up. so i stayed unemployed for a long time, over a year, barely looking, until i found this baking apprenticeship, not only did i apply for the job and write a completely custom cover letter (im so fucking lazy i usually close a job application the second it requires anything more than an apply button) AND i called back a few weeks later when i heard nothing, well turns out that call landed me the job, the apprentice they hired instead of me was useless, had no passion and was a slow worker. so i got the job, and basically have been killing it ever since, i get a lot of praise at work (lots of criticism too) baking is one of those things that takes time, its all about time, so i got a lot to learn but i am actually confident once in my life, holy shit i have a job i like and am good at. is this the dream?> lol 

so today i started writing my feelings down, and its kinda felt good, but i'm exhausted now, and my fingers hurt, so this is the end of my first post, i hope nobody reads it, its really just for me but i don't know. 

thanks for listening   i guess