#like... for real dean who and what are you referring to here??

[destiel-wings]

what things dean, what people what feelings, that is so mysteriously vague yet so oddly specific

[majosullivan]

Nevermore Dashboard Simulator

🌷 many-coloured-grass Follow

Can we all agree to stop making jokes about each other’s deaths? Making light of someone’s death even as a joke is really gross

🪦 deadgirlwalking Follow

No I was murdered so I can reclaim it

85,958 notes

⏳ dream-within-a-dream Follow

Okay but can someone tell me how posts here are getting so many notes? There’s like around 100 people at the academy and I’m frequently seeing posts with well over 1,000 notes. Like, it would be one thing if these posts were years old but some of them are from 2 days ago. Did I just miss the memo and everyone here has at least 10+ accounts, like WHERE are you guys coming from?

👻 hourofsecrecy Follow

Can the spirits not show their appreciation for people’s commentery? Can the creatures of the night not find humour in wits and gists of others? What is the difference from the newly departed and the Unseen Ones?

⏳ dream-within-a-dream Follow

Absolutely horrific answer, thank you for your time

26,496 notes

🪱 conqueror-of-worms Follow

Tell me why it’s around eight in the morning and the first thing I see while heading to the dining hall is Lenore PINING Annabel Lee AGAINST A WALL

☠️ spookyxskeletons Follow

🪱 conqueror-of-worms Follow

Care to clarify who the hell you were referring to in this post?

☠️ spookyxskeletons Follow

Yes

3,270 notes

🎈 floatinghoax Follow

After everything the afterlife could have been, you’re telling me that I have to go to SCHOOL and have CLASSES that start at 9AM? Truly tempted to walk straight into the wasteland, there’s only so much a second chance at life is worth

#not to mention with have fucking ROOMMATES #this academy is MASSIVE #you’re telling me there isn’t enough room for single rooms in this place?

7,984 notes

🥀 wilted-rose Follow

I’m curious, who do you guys think you could take in their spectre forms?

🥀 wilted-rose Follow

IN A FIGHT

69,285 notes

🎶 decomposingmusic Follow

You’re not about to manifest your spectre, you’re just dehydrated

🩰 ghosting-giselle Follow

out of the way gay boy i’m boutta separate myself from my remaining mortal ties and embrace the abilites of my spiritual form

🩰 ghosting-giselle Follow

nures rom

173,032 notes

🌙 voyage-to-the-moon Follow

do you think the Deans wake up every day, take one look at us before telling Ms. Poppet ‘PUT THOSE BEASTS IN SITUATIONS!’

2,396 notes

🌃 eveningstar Follow

Does anyone know if Duke and Pluto (the two boys friends with Lenore) are an item or not? Cause any time I’ve seen them interact, Duke has consistently referred to Pluto as Mon Minou (my kitten in french) and I’m not sure if the two of them are together or if they’re just…Like That

🌃 eveningstar Follow

UPDATE: SO IT TURNS OUT PLUTO DIDN’T KNOW WHAT MON MINOU MEANT AND FOUND OUT THROUGH MY POST. HIM AND DUKE HAVE BEEN BICKERING ABOUT IT ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE DORM ROOMS

🌃 eveningstar Follow

Despite what you would think would occur from this development, none of this has answered by original question

#I was just curious if these two were gay or just European #by all accounts they might be both

6,974 notes

🍋 gives-you-lemons Follow

I think I’m about half with through the manor right now? Honestly this lesson is going much better than I expected!

🍋 gives-you-lemons Follow

RATS RATS RATS RATS RATS RATS R&)26?83@/$

5,052 notes

☔️ dew-dropped-nights Follow

[about to be eaten by one of the monsters in the Teraphobia trial] okay but do you think I’m cute? Be honest

4,824 notes

🪐 eureka Follow

Do you think that Annabel Lee and Lenore have ever explored each others bodies

🌷 many-coloured-grass Follow

Can you fucking not do this? Not only are they real people, they’re our classmates and clearly can’t stand each other. Stuff like this is weird and gross

🔮 sorcery-sorcery-sorcery Follow

I bet they fucked nasty up at the widow’s watch

🥂 drinking-into-the-grave Follow

This is actually how Lenore won the Mystery Manor lesson

☠️ spookyxskeletons Follow

Sometimes that butch pussy gets you acting unwise

🏵️ pendulum-in-the-pit Follow

THAT

WHAT

🪦 deadgirlwalking Follow

What’s not clicking

29,496 notes

[zepskies]

How do you think a romance between soldier boy and a woc would pan out?

Hey there! By "WOC" I'm thinking you mean "woman of color?"

Fun fact: I actually imagine most of my reader insert characters as women of color, since I'm a woman of color myself. 💁🏽‍♀️

I love this question, but I think the nitty gritty specifics would depend on her race/ethnicity. A “person of color” incorporates a broad swath of races and cultures, so it’s hard to generalize while being accurate and authentic to a POC’s experience. For example, I could write a headcanon fic like:

Headcanon: A romance between Soldier Boy (Ben) and a Hispanic/Latina woman of color would include...

Because that^ is my frame of reference, being that I'm Cuban, Puerto Rican, and Dominican. 🇨🇺🇵🇷🇩🇴 (Hence the Midnight Espresso-verse. And speaking of, Happy Hispanic Heritage Month!)

**Even “Hispanic/Latina” is generalizing, because there are many Hispanic/Latino ethnicities with unique aspects to their cultures that can make them very different from one another other, even if you keep the setting as America/New York within The Boys.

In general though, here are my thoughts:

Headcanon: Soldier Boy (Ben) romancing a woman of color:

She could be a good foil for him, not just helping him adapt to modern society, but broadening his horizons to her culture and her world, especially if she's a normal person (non-supe).

She would most certainly challenge him. If she's black or Latina, for example, I couldn't see either one putting up with Ben's misogynist bullshit. She doesn't have the time or the patience, no matter how damn attractive or charming he is.

If he's tenacious enough to pursue her (likely seeing her as a "challenge"), she would help open his eyes to what "a real man" actually is -- reliable, responsible, and a good man.

(Not just that BDE. 🙄)

She could help him see past his white privilege. Especially by showing him her culture, and how she navigates the world is much different to how he navigates the world, not just as a famous superhero, but as a white man who's gotten to be where he is because his daddy came from old money.

If she cooks (or if her mother, aunt, grandmother cooks, as in many black, Hispanic/Latino, Italian, Asian families), she could open up his horizons that way too with different kinds of cuisines that he probably hasn't encountered before. 👏🏽

This would also appeal to that more traditional aspect he'd probably enjoy, of having a woman cook for him lol. Though she would remind him that having someone cook for him is a privilege and a kindness and a way to show someone you love them, not a right that should be expected.

She could also help him see how food and family is pretty entwined in a lot of cultures for ethnic/racial minorities. It could give him a new outlook on what "family" actually means.

Gah! Now you're making me want to write an actual Soldier Boy story with a woman of color. 💕

(Disclaimer though: I'm very careful of not writing for voices that aren't "mine" when it comes to race/ethnicity/cultural minorities, unless I know enough about it through either personal experience or research.)

Soldier Boy Tag List

Because this actually became a genuine headcanon that I'm going to add to my SB masterlist.

@spnwoman @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @adoringanakin @rizlowwritessortof @chernayawidow

@midnightmadwoman @deans-spinster-witch @chriszgirl92 @lyarr24 @ladysparkles78

@deansbbyx @sarahgracej @this-is-me19 @kazsrm67 @jacklesbrainworms

@foxyjwls007 @iamsapphine @roseblue373 @lacilou @fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like

@waynes-multiverse @my-stories-vault @syrma-sensei @alwaystiredandconfused @globetrotter28

@mrsjenniferwinchester @charmed-asylum @waywardxwords @k-slla @deanbrainrotwritings

@jackles010378 @deans-daydream @deanwinchestersgirl87 @rachiem4-blog @just-levyy

@leigh70 @kmc1989 @ghostslillady @siampie @jessjad

@beautyvaliant @mimaria420 @kaleldobrev @pieandmonsters @twinkleinadiamondsky

@stoneyggirl2 @sl33pylilbunny @spnfamily-j2 @mostlymarvelgirl @artemys-ackles

Join Patreon 🌟

Soldier Boy Masterlist || Main Masterlist

[thewritingrowlet]

The White Swan, ft. tripleS Ji Seoyeon

tags: first time (with a small twist), creampie, friends-to-lovers (kinda), (a lot of) pet names

word count: 15k+ words

author's note: here it is, The White Swan fic that I've mentioned before. I know that it's a long one and I should probably write shorter fics but I just couldn't help it. Lmk what you think. Thanks for reading <3

-

Ballet [noun; ba-ley, bal-ey]

“A classical dance form demanding grace and precision and employing formalized steps and gestures set in intricate, flowing patterns to create expression through movement.”

“Yeah, so what is that exactly?”, you wonder to yourself after looking up the word’s definition in the dictionary on your phone. “Grace and precision, huh? Interesting”, you continue. You put your phone in your pocket and promise yourself you’ll look up videos of people performing ballet when you get home as you keep walking past the lit-but-empty classrooms—it’s past 7 pm; most undergrads are at home, allowing the time and space for postgrads to do their stuff. You, a 3rd-year student, just finished tutoring Business Mathematics II on the 2nd floor of the F building to a bunch of sophomores and are now on your way home.

At least that was the plan, until you hear music coming out of one of the classrooms on the first floor. The music itself piques your curiosity, as you stop in front of the door of said classroom and look through the tinted glass door. You see that the chairs have been moved to the sides, creating a big empty space for the girl in the middle of the classroom; “wait, a girl?”, you think to yourself as you move your face closer to the glass. You keep your eyes on the girl wearing a long-sleeve T-shirt and grey training pants who’s dancing in that empty space; “that looks graceful and precise”, you mutter under your breath.

If someone were to see what you’re doing right now, they would most likely think you were a creep. You can’t even begin to describe how captivating and supple and charming the girl’s movements are. You also can’t help but keep your eyes on the girl the whole time—that is until the music ends, and she makes eye contact with you and starts walking to the door. It doesn't quite help you that she has a serious face on as she’s turning the door handle. “Hi, can I help you?”, she says. You don’t want her to think that you were stalking her, so you muster up your courage and get ready to apologize for peeking at her through the glass door like that. You start by bowing slightly before opening your mouth, “I was walking down from the 2nd floor and heard music coming out of this classroom, so I decided to see what was going on and ended up looking like a creep—which I’m not, just so we’re clear. I apologize for being so rude”.

You dare not look into her eyes and decide to look at your shoes instead while bracing for pain in case she slaps you in the face—let’s be real; it would be understandable on her part and deserving on yours. To your absolute surprise, she laughs instead; “oh, it’s fine”, she says, “you know, I’m kinda honored that someone decided to stop what they were doing and were fascinated by my routine”. You look up and see that she’s holding out a hand, probably looking to shake yours; “my name is Ji Seoyeon, but some call me Jiyeon to avoid confusion with someone else—you probably know who I’m talking about”, she says.

You nod at her words—she’s referring to Yoon Seoyeon, a fellow 3rd-year and the current president of the student council who also happens to be on the dean’s list; the girl does it all and boy does she do it well. You shyly take her hand for a handshake, and she surprises you one more time; “wait, aren’t you one of Professor Kim’s teaching assistants? I’ve been to one of your classes before. I think it was Business Mathematics II”, she reveals to you. “Funny you should say that”, you chuckle, “I just finished tutoring BM II and you weren’t there—for obvious reasons”. Her big eyes get even bigger due to her shock hearing your words and she runs to check her phone; “oh my goodness, it is Tuesday! I should’ve gone to your class!”, she exclaims and covers her face with her hands in embarrassment, “I’m so sorry, sunbaenim. I forgot that it was Tuesday thus I missed your class”. You shake your head and tell her that it’s not a big deal since TA’s classes aren’t mandatory.

“So, what now? Are you going to practice again?”, you ask. Jiyeon opens her mouth but before the words can come out, her stomach answers for her with a growl. “Oh, you must be hungry. Haven’t eaten yet?”, you are as surprised as she is. “I wanted to get dinner after practicing b-but you got to me first”, she turns her face away to hide her embarrassment. “I know I’m overstepping here but can I treat you to dinner?”, you offer her, hoping that she won’t take it as anything else other than a gesture of kindness and apology. Jiyeon looks down at her shoes before answering, “um, yes, please. Let me wipe myself first, though; I’m very sweaty”.

-

You find yourself walking towards the campus gate with Jiyeon, and you see your friend Suyeon in front of it, presumably waiting for someone or something. You walk up to her and tap her shoulder, “yo, waiting for someone?”. She turns to your direction and gives you a fist bump, “yeah, waiting for my Uber. What about you?”. You tell her your plan to get dinner before going home. “Sounds nice, can I come along?”, as soon as Suyeon says that, she makes eye contact with Jiyeon, “oh, you already have company. I would hate to third wheel”. You take a step back so that the two girls can face each other, “Suyeon-ah, this is Ji Seoyeon—also known as Jiyeon. Jiyeon-ah, this is my friend, Suyeon”. Suyeon shakes Jiyeon’s hand and asks, “Seoyeon? Like the president?”. Jiyeon answers timidly, “exactly like the president, sunbaenim. Please call me Jiyeon”. Before Suyeon starts assuming things, you jump to clarify, “I, uh, was spying on her like a weirdo when she was practicing in an empty classroom so now, I want to treat her to dinner as an apology”. “I didn’t ask”, Suyeon says before laughing, “nice to meet you, Jiyeon-ah. Tell me if he tries anything and I will whoop his ass for you”. You roll your eyes, “I might be single but I’m not a degenerate, Kim Suyeon”. “True, you’re actually nice and respectful—now get out of here, she must be starving already”, Suyeon gives you another fist bump and sends you on your way.

“So, any idea what to get?”, you ask Jiyeon as you two leave the campus area. “I kinda want something warm—something with broth or soup”, she says. “I don’t usually eat that sort of food, so I have no idea, sorry”, you admit your cluelessness. “That’s okay, we can go to my favorite spot if you don’t mind”, she says. “I sure don’t; lead the way”, you tell her. “Can we get an Uber? It’s like 5 kilometers away from here—I’ll pay, don’t worry”, she suggests. Walking for 5 kilometers is not only tiring, but also time consuming, so you agree with her suggestion; “yeah, we can get an Uber. I’ll pay for it, it’s okay—I’m not accepting counter arguments, by the way”.

You two stop in your tracks and wait for Jiyeon to call an Uber. Lucky for you, the app shows her that the car is 3 minutes away from your location, so you try to make small talk as you wait; “so what were you practicing? Your moves looked delicate, for a lack of better words”. You see a light of excitement in her eyes as she answers you, “that was ballet”. “Ballet, huh?”, you say internally. “There’s a ballet competition coming up in like 3 weeks or so and I’ve been preparing for that since last week”, she adds. “Do you think I can go and watch you perform?”, you ask her with as genuine a voice as possible. “You probably can”, she fiddles with her phone, presumably to ask someone about your question, “I’m gonna ask the contact person and find out exactly”. You see the car pulling up to you, so you save the rest of the conversation for later.

-

You’re now standing in front of a noodle soup restaurant and Jiyeon leads you into it. She walks straight to the register and tells the person attending it her order. She asks you what you want to eat but since you’re not familiar with the place, you ask her to order for you. After ordering, she leads you to her favorite table and takes a seat in front of you. “Oppa”, she says while looking at her phone, “the person said you can watch but you’ll need a ticket. How many do you want?”. Your heart flutters when you hear her call you that, but you quickly compose yourself and answer her question, “I’ll just take one, I don’t know if any of my friends would be interested in watching ballet. Can you ask them if there’s a better seat, by the way? I don’t mind paying extra as long as I get better view to see you perform”.

It is when Jiyeon gets off her phone does she realize what she just called you, “I’m sorry, sunbaenim”. You have an idea as to what she’s apologizing, but it doesn't hurt to make sure; “for what?”, you ask back. “I called you ‘oppa’ earlier, but I don’t know if I can call you that”, she says, apologetic. You wave off her concern, “it’s fine, there’s no need to act so formal with me”. You can feel that things are getting awkward, as shown by how Jiyeon speaks way less compared to earlier. Lucky for you, a waiter stops at your table and drops off your orders. Lucky for you again, Jiyeon seems to be excited seeing the bowl of warm noodle soup in front of her; “thank you for the meal!”, she says with excitement in her voice.

-

“Thank you for buying me dinner, sunbaenim”, she says while the two of you stand outside the restaurant. “The pleasure is mine, Jiyeon-ah.Any update about the ticket?”, you say to her. “Oh, right”, she fishes her phone from her pocket again and checks her messages, “okay so, the VIP ticket costs ₩8.000 and ₩10.000 for VVIP. VVIP is guaranteed to be on the first two rows while VIP is 3-5”. It’s a no-brainer for you, really; “I’ll take the 10k one, I need to make sure I’ll be able to see you”, you tell her. You pretend to not see her blush, but it’s kind of hard to do so you look away for a second as her fingers pace around on her phone screen restlessly. “Oppa”, you’re really starting to think that she’s become more comfortable with you, “the person said they need 1 or 2 days to process your purchase. In the meantime, can-can I, uh, have your number?”. You tell her your number digit by digit and manage to peek at the name she gives you; “BM TA-oppa”, how cute. After saving your contact information, she calls your number so that you can save hers on your phone. Your dullness leads you to naming her “Ji Seoyeon”, just like how you name everyone else on your phone aside from your parents.

“May I ask what your plan is after this?”, you ask Jiyeon. “I’m gonna walk home, I think; I don’t live far from here, somewhere in that direction”, she points vaguely to her left. You offer to walk with her to her apartment, and she says yes right away—she most likely heard what Suyeon said about you at the gate and thought that you wouldn’t try anything stupid with her, which is absolutely correct. You also offer to help her carry her tote bag and start walking in the direction she pointed at.

As you’re walking side by side with Jiyeon, your brain suggests asking her about ballet; “what is ballet to you, Jiyeon-ah?”. She stays silent for a few seconds before taking a deep breath, “ballet is a lot of things, oppa”. You’re not quite sure what she means, so you ask her to explain further. “First of all, ballet has taught me self-control and discipline; you can’t be good at ballet if you lack those two things—how can you convey grace and emotions, which is the whole point of ballet, to the audience if you can’t control yourself and be disciplined?”, she explains to you. You can tell that she has quite the experience and wisdom under her belt judging by her answer; “may I ask how long you’ve been into ballet? Your answer sounds like that from someone with experience”, you say to her. She scratches her temple, “Since I was 8 or 9, I think?”.

You finally arrive at her building after about 5 minutes of walking, so you hand her tote bag back to Jiyeon. She waves at you with a smile before entering her building, so you wave back before walking away. You’re only a dozen steps away from her building when you feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn around and see that it’s Jiyeon; “can I help you?”, you ask her. “Um, yes, you can; can you help me find empty classrooms to practice in?”. You do have that sort of reach as a teaching assistant, so you tell her that you indeed can, “when are you looking to practice?”. She pulls out her phone again and looks at her schedules, “Friday evening this week, Wednesday and Friday evening the following week, and finally Tuesday and Wednesday the week after that—each session will be like 2 hours long, by the way. I will miss another class of yours in that 3rd week, so I apologize in advance”. You pull out your phone and write down her practice schedules on the notes app, “I can secure a classroom for you this Friday but I’ll need to talk to some people for the other schedules”, you say to her. “Thank you, oppa. See you on Friday!”, she waves at you again before running back to her building.

-

Friday comes sooner than you anticipated, which means that you’ll be seeing Jiyeon after this tutoring session. You wrap up your class after the 55 minutes are up and send the freshmen on their way while urging them to be quick, stating that you have an important meeting after this—Jiyeon is important to you, so you’re not exactly lying to them. Once the class is clear of people, you send a text to Jiyeon, “I’m in Classroom 2-4 on the F building, it’s clear here”. She replies right away and says that she’s on her way to you, so you start moving the chairs to the side and make some room for Jiyeon.

Her timing couldn’t be more perfect, as you hear a knock on the door as soon as you’re done clearing the room. You tell her to come in and see that she’s in a different practice outfit from a few days ago. “Hiiii”, she says as she closes the door behind her. “Hello, Jiyeon-ah. How are you today?”, you greet the ballerina. “A couple of questions before we start”, she says, “number one; can I actually call you ‘oppa’? Number two; how did you manage to find an empty classroom for me seemingly so easily?”. You sit down on the teacher’s chair, “number one: yes, you can. Number two: did you forget that I’m a TA? I can do these sort of things, you know—Professor Kim gave me this freedom when I became her TA”. Jiyeon nods to your answers, “very cool”. You take your backpack and head to the door. “Oppa, where are you going?”, she asks. You’re caught off guard by her question, “Oh, I don’t know; I just thought I should leave and give you some privacy”. She rushes to you and grabs your wrist, “do you not want to watch me practice? I can give you an exclusive preview for the competition”. That sounds like a fun time as much as it is a spoiler, so you concur and take a seat at the teacher’s desk.

“Start the music on my signal, please”, she hands you her phone and takes the center spot. She mouths the countdown, and you press play right after she finishes it. The same music from a few days ago starts playing, and Jiyeon starts her routine right away. You are immediately fascinated by her movements, and you can’t help but be silent and wholeheartedly pay attention. You find every movement she’s making to be charming and moving but can’t string the words together to describe it; “this must be what a pro looks like”, you think to yourself.

You’re completely entranced by the sight in front of you that you don’t realize that the performance is complete. Only when she sighs do you come back to your senses and feel the tears that are falling out of your eyes and onto your cheeks. “That was not as good as I wanted, I’m sorry”, she says. She hears your subtle sniffle and looks at you perplexedly, “are you okay, oppa? Why are you crying?”. You sniffle before answering her, “wha-what do you mean that wasn’t good? Like-like… what?”. You wipe your eyes with your hands before continuing your speech, “that was… sooo beautiful and charming and captivating and flawless and-and-and—oh, God, I’ve never seen anything like that before in my life”. Jiyeon walks up to you and lifts your chin with a smile on her face, “you’re so sweet, oppa; Suyeon-sunbaenim was right”. She then wipes your tears softly with her thumbs, “thank you for the kind words, oppa. They mean a lot to me, you know”.

You take a few deep breaths to compose yourself before sighing, “I swear I’ll cry like a damn baby if I see you perform this at the competition”. She walks back to her spot and assumes a perfect standing posture, “I’m sorry, I should’ve started with something lighter—I’ll do it now, actually. Here, play the 24th song”. You’re surprised to hear the number, “you have 24 routines, dear?”. She blushes and covers her face when she hears the pet name, “ki-kind of—aaaaaah don’t call me that, oppaaaaa”. You lightly slap your mouth, “I’m so sorry; force of habit from my parents”. Jiyeon exhales and focuses again, “press play now, the song doesn’t start until after a few seconds”.

She stands by and waits for the song to start, which takes about 5 seconds after you pressed play. You’re totally bewitched again and brought back to a trance like earlier, as you sit with your mouth open like a dumbass. “Whoa”, you mutter under your breath, “this girl is crazy good”. You wish you were able to come up with a sentence—or a paragraph—that can describe the way she’s moving right now. It just so happens that your brain is too busy trying to comprehend what you are looking at. At some point, your brain decides to give up and tells your eyes to shed more tears. Unlike earlier, however, you can feel your tears rush down your face; “so this is ballet, huh?”, you say to yourself.

Her routine ends with her looking straight at you, so you cover your eyes to hide the flowing tears. Judging by her pants, she seems to be tired—if you’re doing something that passionately the way she is now, you’re guaranteed to be tired after. You turn away from her and wipe your eyes before saying anything. “I’m so sorry, you must think I’m some sort of a loser for crying so much”, you admit your defeat despite feeling embarrassed. “No, I don’t”, she says, “you have a good heart and that’s always a great sight to see”. She walks to her stuff and grabs a bottle of water, “would you like some water?”. You decline her offer by shaking your head, “with the way I’m crying right now, I’ll just drink my tears”.

She laughs before taking a gulp herself, “you know, I’ve never had someone cry when they watch me practice before, and I’ve practiced in front of people many times”. You look down in shame, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what has gotten into me”. “Thank you, oppa”, she utters. You turn to face her, “huh? For what?”. She exhales deeply before replying, “for showing genuine interest in my craft”. To your surprise, she decides to give you a peck in the cheek, thus forcing you to blush. “I’m just being myself, Jiyeon-ah”, you say. “That’s not my name, is it?”, she giggles cutely, “where did the pet name go? Did a cat steal it, oppa?”. You feel your cheeks get hotter, “are you sure I can call you that? I mean, the first one was an accident”. She shrugs, “I don’t see why not. Accidents aren’t always bad, oppa; they can lead you to great things too, you know”.

-

You stayed with her until the end of her practice, which took about 2 hours in total. With every routine she did, you laid a brick to build up some resemblance of mental toughness to not bawl your eyes out the whole time—you’re slightly worried that you’ll eventually be desensitized by the gracefulness that she’s showing you through ballet, but that’s a problem for another time. “Dear”, you call out to Jiyeon, who is now lying on her stomach while fiddling with her phone, to get her attention, “can I treat you to dinner again after this?”. She rolls onto her back to look at you, “Sure, what are we getting?”. You open your notes app scroll through the list of good restaurants nearby, “tteokbokkiand popcorn chicken? Malatang? Noodle soup like last time, maybe?”. “The first option sounds good. Can we get that?”, Jiyeon says. “We sure can, we’ll take my car and drive there”, you stand up from your seat and help her get on her feet. “Wait outside, dear; I wanna change clothes first”, she says. You rush to exit the room to make sure Jiyeon doesn’t see the blush and shock on your face.

You wait outside as she asked, and it didn’t take long until you feel a tap on your shoulder. “Let’s go, oppa”, she says. “Man, I would love to hear the pet name again”, you silently wish, “yeah, let’s go. My car is in the parking lot”. “I didn’t know you had a car”, she comments as the two of you start walking. “And I didn’t know you were a ballet prodigy—surprise, surprise”, you joke. She laughs enthusiastically at your small joke and suggests a brilliant idea; one you’ve been waiting for her to say, “we should get to know each other better soon, oppa. I like surprises and all that but not when I’m looking for a boyfriend”. You pretend to not hear what she just said and keep walking until you reach your car.

You unlock the doors and get in with Jiyeon. “Why is your car so clean, oppa?”, she looks around the interior and even opens the glovebox—you’re surprised to see her do that but thankfully you barely keep stuff in it so she doesn’t find anything that might raise suspicion. You know you got caught, so you admit to her that you had your car all cleaned up yesterday to prepare for the dinner “date” tonight. “Ah, good job thinking ahead”, she praises you. You head to the exit and call out to your phone to find the quickest route to get to your destination; “8 minutes to destination”, it says. As much as you want to act like you were that famous racer Scott Chegg and beat the estimated time, you have an important passenger next to you right now, so you suppress your intrusive thoughts and drive like a sane person.

-

“Alright, let’s park here and walk. The restaurant is in that alleyway to your left—stay in the car for a sec, please”, you say to her after parking your car and killing its engine. Jiyeon does as you say, and it gives you enough time to rush to the other side of the car and open the door for her; “my lady”, you say, offering her your hand to help her get out of the car. “Aww, so cute”, she takes your hand and gets out of the car. Jiyeon decides that it’s now okay to have more physical contacts with you, as she leans her head against your shoulder while wrapping an arm around yours. As much as you enjoy it, you don’t want to let your horses run out of the barn just yet; there’ll be plenty of opportunities to do so in the future (hopefully). You point to the restaurant that has a bright yellow and blue sign and lead her to it.

“Good evening, welcome to Terrific Tteokbokki. What can I get you today?”, the staff greets you. You’re familiar with this place, so it’s your turn today to order for the two of you, “hi, good evening. Can we get one large bowl of Terrific Combo and two drinks?”. “Absolutely”, the staff’s finger scurries around the computer screen in front of him, “that would be ���9000 with the drinks”. You see Jiyeon pull out her wallet as you do yours, so you hold her hand back and insist on paying for tonight’s dinner. The staff then hands you two large empty cups for the bottomless drink that comes with the combo. You hand Jiyeon a cup and walk over to the drink machine with her. You fill your cup with iced lemon tea while she fills hers with zero-sugar soda. “You like soda, Jiyeon-ah?”, you ask her. “Only if it’s zero-sugar, otherwise it’s too much sugar—paying attention to what you eat and drink is important, oppa. I suggest doing so if you haven’t already”, she says. You then tell her that you only pay attention to how much you eat and how much you exercise in a day but not to the actual nutritional contents of your food.

You both find a table to sit at and wait for your food to be delivered. Jiyeon follows up on the conversation from a few minutes ago; “can I ask what your exercise is like?”, she asks. “I play basketball for at least an hour on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday and lift weights on Monday and Thursday. On the weekend I usually get on the treadmill to get my steps in”, you explain to her. “You play basketball, oppa?”, she looks at you in disbelief. You’re not quite sure why or how she finds that to be surprising considering your height—anyone who sees your height usually assume that you play either basketball or volleyball, “yeah, I was a role player playing off the bench as a freshman when Yoon Seoyeon’s boyfriend was the captain and I won the national championship with him. I left the team in my sophomore year after he graduated—he got summa cum laude, by the way. My man instantly got a job after graduating at a tech startup after that. He was always the big brain both on the court and in the classroom”, you tell her. “But why did you leave the team? You could’ve taken over as the captain”, she presses on. You sigh at the cheerless memory, “the captain left some gigantic shoes to fill, and no one could fit in them, including myself—no one could replicate what he was as a leader and a player. Team morale started sinking to the bottom of the Mariana Trench as we started crashing out of tournaments as favorites, so I decided to dip and became a TA instead”. You see a bright lightbulb float over her head as she suggests an idea, “can we have a little basketball date one day, oppa? I would love to learn basketball from you”. “We sure can, dear. Just tell me when”, you smile at her.

“Thank you for the meal!”, Jiyeon says with an excited face after a waiter drops off the food on your table. “That is so good, oppa. Do you come here often?”, she says. You swallow your mouthful before replying, “yeah, the captain used to take us here on the weekends. He was such a good guy, no wonder Seoyeon loves him so much”. She tilts her head in curiosity, “you speak so highly of this captain, oppa. Can I ask what sort of relationship you have with him?”. Recounting the cheerful memory helps draw a smile on your face, “he was the true leader for us; his presence alone could lift the spirit of every player around him. Not to mention that he was such a great scorer and facilitator for the team. We all relied on him every time he was on the floor”.

In the corner of your eyes, you see a tall guy start walking up to you and Jiyeon from the cashier area. “Yo, yo”, the guy says, so you look over and see that it’s the captain that you were talking about. “Hyung!”, you drop your jaw in shock, “what are you doing here?”. He gives you a fist bump, “I’m getting some food for me and Seoyeon. What are you doing here?”. You wipe your mouth before answering him, “I’m treating my friend here for dinner. It’s so nice to meet you, hyung. How are you?”. You see that gentle smile that you always liked on his face, “I’m doing very well, man. Would you mind introducing me to this friend of yours?”. You turn to Jiyeon, “hyung, this is my friend Ji Seoyeon—yes, the same first name as your girlfriend—Jiyeon-ah, this is my captain”. Jiyeon stands up and greets him, “hello, sunbaenim. Nice to meet you”. “Oh, there’s always room for more sweet girls named Seoyeon in this world. Please, have a seat”, he says, “tell me something, Jiyeon-ah: is he treating you well? I’ll kick his ass to the ground for you if he ever tries anything dumb with you”. Jiyeon laughs shyly, “he’s actually very kind and sweet, sunbaenim. He even helped me find an empty classroom so that I can practice ballet”. Captain-hyung nods in approval, “Ballet, huh? That’s great to hear; I could tell that he was a good person when he first joined us for practice. I sometimes wish we could utilize him more during that run”. His words make you shy, “oh, c’mon, hyung; you know I was always happy with my role, right?”. “Oh, I know”, he pats you on the back, “we couldn’t have done it without you”.

You hear the staff call out his name, which means that his order is ready to be picked up and it’s time for him to leave. “I tried paying for your food, but I was told that you already paid so your next visit here is on me, you can buy whatever you want and I’ll pay”, he waves goodbye before walking out the door, “I’ll see you soon, okay?”. You don’t realize that you still have a smile on your face until Jiyeon tells you about it, “you like him that much, huh?”. You turn your focus back to Jiyeon and the food in front of you, “I love him”. Jiyeon smiles hearing you say that, “but do you love me?”. Your eyes nearly jump out of their sockets due to the surprise, “o-oh, um, I-I do, honestly—I hope that’s not too presumptuous of me”. Jiyeon looks down at the table to hide her pink hue, “I love you too, dear”.

-

“Oppa”, she says, standing outside the restaurant, “can you take me home, please?”. “Absolutely, dear”, you get in the car with Jiyeon and start it so you can take her home. “Can I play some music, oppa? There’s this group that I’ve been obsessed with”, she says. You give her your approval, so she connects her phone with your car’s speakers over Bluetooth. “This song is called Girls Never Die, oppa”, she says as the song starts playing. You listen and pay attention to the song that’s playing over the speakers as you keep driving. You find the lyrics to be moving and meaningful while the beat is uplifting; “this is a great song”, you think. “What do you think, oppa?”, she asks. “I think it’s a great song”, you offer her your take, “I really like how they say ‘even if I fall, I stand back up’ and ‘I’m going until the end and not giving up. I think such messages are very uplifting and relatable, especially coming from a girl group. Combine that message with the beat that it’s delivered with, and it’s just an amazing song. The title itself is great, by the way. What group is this?”. She smiles in approval of your opinion, “they’re called tripleS and they have 24 members, oppa. I’ve been listening to their songs a lot recently for the messages that each one delivers”. You squint your eyes, “isn’t 24 too many?”. Jiyeon chuckles, “apparently not, no”.

-

“We’re here, dear”, you announce to Jiyeon, who happened to fall asleep during the ride. She slowly wakes up from her peaceful nap, “we are? That’s unfortunate”. You look at her with a confused face, “what do you mean?”. She stretches her arms and yawns, “I would love to spend more time with you”. Your horses start getting excited, but you hold them for now, “we can do that in the future. You should rest, you must be tired from practicing”. She twiddles her finger, showing you some aegyo, “can you open my door like before?”. You get out of the car with a smile on your face and open the passenger door for her, “may I, sweetie?”. “Aaaah, oppaaa”, she takes your hand while her cheeks are on fire—with how often she’s blushing tonight, you might as well start calling her tomato cheeks. You walk her to the door of her building and say your farewell. Instead of walking into her building, she decides to walk closer to you. “Can I help you, dear?”, you ask, unsure of her intentions. “Lean forward, please”, she says. You lean forward as requested and your new height allows her to give you a peck on the lips while being on her tippy toes. “I love you”, she confesses. You get to her eye level and reciprocate her confession while looking straight into her big eyes, “I love you too, baby”. “That’s new”, she giggles before sighing, “I was going to ask you to come up with me but I’m super tired. I’m sorry, oppa”. You pet her head softly, “we’ll get more chances in the future, trust me. I’ll see you for your next practice, okay?”

-

Today is Tuesday in the third week of her schedule. It's been two weeks since Jiyeon kissed you (well, pecked you on the lips) in front of her building. You helped her secure one of the big classrooms on the 3rd floor last week so that she could have more space to practice. She even asked you to record her practices because she wanted to monitor herself after. Just like week one, you brought her to dinner and took her home after each session, all that while getting to know each other better with every conversation and every bit of skinship.

Today’s practice session has just ended, too. “Oppa, I’m going straight home. You don’t have to buy me dinner”, she says while sitting on the floor and leaning against a wall—“she’s not as high-spirited as usual”, you say in your head. “Can I take you home?”, you offer her as you grab your keys. Jiyeon rejects your offer by shaking her head, “I’ll take the bus and walk after that. Thank you for the offer, though”. You come up to Jiyeon and kneel in front of her to get to her eye level, “are you okay?”. You see on her face that she has a lot of things in mind; “honestly, I’m not. Today was rough”, her deep sigh sends a pang of sadness to your heart, “I don’t feel like talking about it right now, sorry”. She signs to you that she wants to be helped onto her feet, so you stand up and help her up. “We can walk together to the gate, though”, she says.

Jiyeon has been silent the whole way to the gate, and it has become very obvious to you that she’s not feeling well at all—depressing sight, really. It’s a shame that you don’t know who she usually hangs out with because otherwise you’d be able to ask what she likes and get it for her as a small gift next time you see her. “Thank you, oppa. I’ll walk to the bus station, get on a bus, and then continue walking to my building”, she says when you two arrive at the gate. You nod, “I hope you feel better soon. Tell me if I can help you in any way, okay?”. You two exchange goodbyes and go in different directions after.

-

You just arrive at your apartment and walk straight to the bathroom after dropping your stuff at the door. You stand in the shower wondering what you can do to help Jiyeon feel better. After exploring potential options, you eventually come up with an idea to buy her some chocolate and chips when you see her tomorrow for her last practice before the competition. You hear a chime from your phone as you’re getting out of the shower. When you go check it, it’s a bunch of text messages from Jiyeon.

[Ji Seoyeon❤️| 21:24]

Oppa

I just finished showering, in bed rn

I’m so sorry for being a bitch to you earlier

I’ll see you tomorrow for my last practice

Thank you for being so kind to me all the time <3

You rub your eyes in disbelief—there’s no way she just called herself a bitch. You then form your replies and send it to her.

[You | 21:25]

Hi sweetie

No, you weren’t being a bitch

Don’t call yourself that ever again

It’s okay to not feel well sometimes

I can tell that you’re tired and possibly frustrated

Lmk if I can help

I’ll see you tomorrow, dear <3

Jiyeon sees the text that you sent her; “oh, he can tell I’m not feeling well; was it too obvious?”, she says to herself. “Oppa”, she sighs, “what would I do without you?”. Jiyeon tries to come up with another reply, wanting to express her gratitude and love for you, but then decides against it and chooses to say it to you directly tomorrow. She lies in her bed and feels tears flowing out; “if only you know how grateful I am for you, oppa”, she wipes the tears on her cheeks with her hand, “I will make you mine, oppa; no one else deserves you more than me”.

-

Every day you wake up and feel a rush of excitement in your heart at the prospect of seeing Jiyeon. You are, however, a bit sad and concerned as this Wednesday is the last day of practice and you’re not sure if she’ll be down to seeing you again after the competition. You have secured the same classroom as yesterday for her to practice in tonight, so at least you have that going for you. You put your worries to the side and promise yourself that you’ll accept whatever outcome you might get today.

You get in the car after showering and putting on an old jersey and shorts, ready to go to the supermarket to get some groceries since you plan on inviting Jiyeon over for dinner, aside from the fact that you’re running out of some items as well. You sincerely hope she doesn’t see this gesture as an attempt to get in her pants, because it really isn’t; you just want to show off your cooking (read: “pasta boiling and cheese grating”) skills to Jiyeon.

Once you get there, you pull out your phone and start getting one item after the other from different aisles of the supermarket. It doesn't take too long to get everything since you’ve categorized the items into the aisles that they’re in. You stop near the meat and fish section and look at your list again to make sure you’re not forgetting anything: dried macaroni and fettucine noodles, unsweetened milk, zero-sugar soda, smoked paprika powder, instant noodles, bok choys, carrots, boneless chicken thighs, mozzare—someone’s tapping your shoulder from behind; “can I help you?”, you say as you turn around to see who it is.

You see that it’s Jiyeon who was trying to get your attention. “Hiiiiiii”, she says excitedly, visibly feeling much better than when you last saw her. You tuck a stray strand of hair on her face behind her ear, “hi, sweetie. What are you doing here?”. She tickles your waist with both hands, “you stole my line, oppaaaa”. “Ahahaha okay, okay, you win—how did you know I’m tickly there?”, you hold Jiyeon by the wrists to stop her from tickling you. “I didn’t, I was just guessing. Glad to know you’re tickly there, though”, she tries freeing her wrists from your hands, so you let her go with no resistance. “No, but seriously, what are you doing here?”, you ask again. She points to her basket that she left near the soap rack, “I am getting some soap, shampoo, and skincare stuff”.

Jiyeon moves in front of you and looks at your trolley; “quite the stuff you have here, oppa”, she comments as she picks up a bag of macaroni from it, “inviting someone over for a meal?”. You’ve been caught for the second time in 3 weeks, all thanks to how sharp of a perception Jiyeon has; “I, um, was actually planning on inviting you over for dinner one day”, you say, scratching the back of your head and feeling embarrassed. “Awww, so sweet”, she puts the bag of macaroni down and continues, “what are we having tonight?”.  “I-I’ve been obsessed with mac and cheese, and I wanted to make some for you, as you can tell by the milk and macaroni and mozzarella—oh, I also have some zero-sugar soda for you”, you show her said items you have in your trolley. She nods in approval when she sees the items you’re showing her, “great timing, seriously. I’ve been craving mac and cheese myself. With the way we think alike, we must be meant for each other, oppa”. You turn your head to the right to hide your blush, and you see the assortment of meat in front of you; “oh, hey, I was going to get this”, you pick up a pack of thinly sliced beef before putting it into your trolley, “500 grams a pack, huh? Sounds good”.

You head to the cashier with Jiyeon and pay for your stuff and hers. “I see that you didn’t buy alcohol. Do you not drink, oppa?”, she says. You furrow your eyebrows and shake your head, “I hate the idea of being drunk and possibly not having control of my actions—like what if I did something criminal while being drunk? That would be disastrous for everyone. I know people say ‘well, you can drink responsibly’ but not drinking to begin with is my way of being responsible”, you explain to her. She nods in agreement, “that’s a good approach to it, I think. Come on, let’s get out of here”. You chuckle as the splitting doors of the supermarket close behind you, “and go where, my cute ballerina?”. The realization stops Jiyeon in her tracks—where can you two go together after an impromptu meeting? It’s not lunch time yet, either. Thankfully for Jiyeon, she thinks fast and can come up with plans in an instant; “can I come over, oppa? I would love it if I could chill there until class starts”. “So, I guess we’ll go to your place first to get some stuff? That way you can go to your class from my apartment; it’s closer to campus than yours anyway”, you complete her idea with your own.

You put your stuff in the trunk and start driving to Jiyeon’s apartment. She told you to not come up with her so you wait in your car on the side of the street until she comes out. You scroll through social media for what feels like a few minutes, and that’s when she opens the passenger door and jumps back in. You notice that she only has a small laptop bag, so you make a comment referring to it, “not too busy of a day, I see”. “Mm-hmm”, she says, “two classes, 3 credits each. There’s a reason I’ve been practicing on Wednesdays, you see. Start driving, oppa; I want to chill in your apartment right meow”.

-

“Welcome to my apartment. Please make yourself at home”, you say as you open the door for her. She walks straight in after taking off her shoes but not her socks; “oi, oi, not so fast”, you call out to her, “socks off, please—you can wear these sandals”. She timidly jogs back to where you are and grabs the sandals from your hands, “sorry, I got too excited”. “Excited for what? There are barely things here”, you ask her. She pouts cutely and points at the sofa in front of the TV, “that thing looks soooooo soft, oppa. Can I lie down on it, pleaaaaase?”. You pet her head softly to encourage her, “go on, dear. I’ll get you a blanket”. “Yay!”, she enthusiastically runs to the sofa and lies down on it, “my God, this is sooo comfortable”. You return to her with a spare blanket and cover her with it, “it gets pretty cold in this apartment, so I’ll cover you with this so that you don’t freeze—I imagine a frozen ballerina wouldn’t be able to perform well on stage”. She accepts your gesture with a smile, and only now do you realize how sweet Jiyeon’s smile is; “I will do everything I can to protect that smile, sweetie”, you promise to yourself.

You take a seat on the armchair next to the sofa and pull out your phone, “what time is your class? Would you like to eat something now?”. She sighs as she turns to lie on her side, “1 pm, oppa. I would love to eat something but I’m also sleepy so please let me sleep here for a few hours and wake me up at 12:15”. She closes her eyes immediately after saying that, so you make your way to your bedroom and chill there until 12:15. You decide to get some extra sleep after setting an alarm at 12:10 and 12:15 to make sure Jiyeon won’t be late to her class.

In your sleep, you feel like a weight has been put on top of your body thus making it hard for you to breathe. As an attempt to keep your goofy ass alive, your brain shakes you awake. “Huh?”, you mumble softly with only half of your consciousness in your body. “Oh, it’s Jiyeon”, your brain says as it closes your eyes to go back to sleep—“WAIT, IT’S JIYEON!”, the discovery sends shock to your body. You don’t want to disturb her peace, though, so you calm your breathing and stay still. You dare wrap your arms around her body, and she lets out a soft hum in response; “I hope she won’t kick me in the balls when she wakes up”, you quietly pray to whatever heavenly being is looking down on the both of you.

You slowly unwrap your arm and grab your phone to look at the time; 12:02, it says. As soon as you return your arm to its previous position, Jiyeon wakes up from her slumber and looks at you with heavy eyes. “Hi, darling”, you greet the girl on top of you. “Why did you leave me, oppa?”, she rests her head on your chest again. “I’m sorry, sweetie. I just wanted to lie on the bed until 12:15”, you pet her head to apologize. She looks at you and pinches your cheek playfully, “well, you should’ve carried me to bed with you. It was cold on the sofa, you know?”. A pang of guilt strikes you—your mom would kill you 3 times over for leaving a girl in the cold like that; “I’m so sorry, dear, but I wouldn’t do such thing without your consent”. “It’s okay, I trust you even in my sleep”, she says before sighing, “what time is this?”. You look at your phone one more time, “um, 12:03—no, 12:04”.

She lifts her torso off your body and pulls you into a sitting position with her still on your lap, “please keep me warm, oppa”. You take her hand and notice that she is indeed cold, so you hug her tighter to keep her warm. “Oppa”, she pokes you in the cheek, “you’re not angry that I suddenly jumped on your body like that, are you? Please don’t be angry, I’m sorry”. “No, I’m not angry at all”, you clarify, “I should be the one apologizing for leaving you in the cold”. She pulls away from the hug and gives you a fleeting kiss, “promise me that you won’t leave me again, ever”. You take her pinky in yours, “I promise, sweetie”.

-

“Oppa, do you not have classes today?”, she says as she puts on her shoes. “I don’t but I’m meeting some of Professor’s Kim students at 5 pm. One of them texted me yesterday asking me to help them with a project”, you walk to the door where she is, “do you want to walk, or do you want me to drive you there?”. “5 pm is still a few hours away so you should just stay here, I’ll walk”, she waves at you, “I’ll see you for tonight’s practice?”. You nod and she walks out of the door right away. You chase her and grab her wrist, “you forgot something”. She turns to you in confusion, “what?”. “This”, you lean forward and kiss her, “you forgot my kiss”. “Oh my God, I hate you so much”, she blushes and starts running away, “I’ll see you later!”.

-

The little meeting with Professor’s Kim students is done, which leaves you one last thing to do tonight: watch Jiyeon’s last practice. “Same place as yesterday, dear”, you send a text to her, and she sends you a thumbs-up emoji as a reply. You continue scrolling through social media until you hear the door swing open. Jiyeon is wearing a black tank top and grey training pants, and you can’t help but drop your jaw; “respectfully, you look so attractive right now”, you comment. She smirks, “that was the plan, glad it works”. Your eyes widen in shock, “pardon?”. “You didn’t hear anything”, she says, “let’s practice, shall we?”. She hands you her phone and tells you to play whatever song because “being predictable is boring” (her words, not yours) so you do as she asks and pick a random song.

It takes her one second to recognize the song and start her routine. It starts with a clap of hands, which makes you jump in your seat a little due to the suddenness. Her moves, combined with how she’s dressed, show you all the details of her curves, but you’re trying to not have a boner right now. As you keep watching, however, you start getting more emotional than horny—you managed to not cry during the previous sessions but it’s very hard not to today for some reason. You lock in and pay attention with every cell of your brain, until you see her make a specific move with her hand and tears instantly drop onto your cheeks like the first time you watched her—unlike last time, however, you’re not shy to cry in front of her. You decide to savor the emotions and cry your heart out until you have no tears left. “My God, I’m such a loser”, you say to yourself.

You’re too busy crying that you don’t notice that the song has ended. “Crying again, oppa?”, she approaches you to check on you. “Ye-yeah, sorry”, you wipe your tears so that you can see her clearly. She pulls you to your feet and hugs you, “I was starting to think that you didn’t like me enough to cry”, she says. You take a deep breath to compose yourself, “you’re out of your mind; there’s no way I can stop liking you”. You feel her pat your back to help you calm yourself, “I like you too, oppa”.

The tears finally stop flowing after a few seconds, so you ask her to let go of the hug. You sit your ass back down while she walks to her stuff. “Here, oppa: your VVIP ticket”, she hands you a ticket with your name and seat number on it, “don’t lose this, please. I’ll never talk to you again if you do”. You sniffle before talking back, “thank you, sweetie. I’ll make sure I arrive early”. She walks away from you and tells you to play another song, so you close your eyes and pick randomly again. “Aaaaah, that’s the same song, oppa. Play a different one without closing your eyes this time”, she says with a pout. “Oh, sorry”, you scroll quickly to the bottom of the playlist and choose whatever. “There we go; now watch me”, she says as she starts another routine.

-

Jiyeon immediately collapses on the floor after that last routine. Sensing that something is wrong, you run to her and see that her eyes are closed but her mouth is open. “Baby, baby? Are you okay? Say something, love—holy shit, what is happening right now?”, pet names fly out of your lips as you panic. You carry her in your arms and run out of the classroom to find help. As you do, you hear her mumble something weakly; “oppa, oppa”. You start running faster after hearing a sign of life from Jiyeon; “hold on, baby; I’m getting some help for you”. You then hear a giggle from her, “oppa, I’m okay. I was just messing with you”. You drop to your knees right away, “oh my fucking—that wasn’t funny, you know? I thought you passed out from exhaustion or something”. She frees herself from your arms and pecks you on the cheek, “I mean I was exhausted, but I’m fine. I’m glad that you were quick to take action, who knows when I might need that”. You get on your feet and pull her up after, “you’re lucky I exercise often, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to carry you and run that fast at the same time like that”. She giggles, “yeah I had a sneak peek at how fit you are thanks to that jersey you wore at the supermarket—very attractive, I must say”.

“Fuck, that was scary—so what now?”, you ask her with heavy pants. “Let’s get our stuff and get out of here. I want to go home and get as much rest as I can”, she says. “Sure, I’ll wait for you in the car”, you walk in the other direction to get to the parking lot.

You get a bottle of water from the trunk and finish it right away to cope with the exhaustion and panic caused by Jiyeon’s little act. “That’s the fastest I’ve seen someone drink out of a bottle”, Jiyeon remarks as she approaches you, “I’m sorry, oppa. I didn’t mean to make you panic like that”. You wave her off, “it’s okay, sweetie. I’m glad that you’re okay because I would’ve lost my shit otherwise. Let’s get you home now, alright?”. You get in the car followed by Jiyeon and start driving to take her home.

-

“Oppa, we probably won’t see each other until after the competition is finished”, she says when you two are standing outside her building. You pet her head, “it’s okay, sweetie. You know where I sit so look at me if you can, okay?”. She gets on her tippy toes, and the height difference makes you laugh. “Aaaaaah, kiss me alreadyyyyyy”, she complains cutely. You grab her chin and pull her closer to you before kissing her passionately. “I love you, baby. See you on Saturday, okay?”. She seems to be satisfied with the kiss, as seen by how she’s blushing, “I love you too, oppa. See you on Saturday”.

-

Saturday has finally come and there’s only one thing in your mind right now: watch Jiyeon perform at the competition. You grab your phone as soon as you wake up and text her right away.

[You | 08:03]

Good luck, baby

I’m rooting for you

If it wasn’t obvious already

<3

She replies to your messages as soon as you send them.

[Ji Seoyeon❤️| 08:03]

I’m nervous, oppa

Pray for your baby girl

Love you too

You smack your forehead at the realization that you forgot to say “I love you” but you know—or hope, rather—that she knows that already. You jump off the bed and get ready to get a shower, and that’s when you hear another notification.

[Ji Seoyeon❤️| 08:03]

You owe me dinner btw

[You | 08:03]

I know

I hope you like mac and cheese

-

You have about 10 hours to kill before you need to leave to watch Jiyeon, so you decide to clean your apartment first. You make sure to that everything is spotless because you plan on inviting Jiyeon over for dinner tonight, and should everything go smoothly, formally confess your love to her, in case it hasn’t been made clear multiple times.

After cleaning everything, you decide to hop on your laptop and catch up with the outside world. Email from Professor Kim about your payment as TA; answered, email from a sophomore apologizing for missing your class; answered, email from Professor Min thanking you for helping her students; answered. You scroll through your inbox and see that none is left unanswered, so you decide to play some video games—you want to rank up on TFT but haven’t got the time to play that much recently.

You eventually got sick of playing after 3 games, so you decide to get some nap since you have plenty of time left in the day. In your sleep, you’re shown a dream where Jiyeon is running to you with a trophy in hand before jumping into your arms for a hug. “Oppa, we did it! We won!”, she says, and you can’t help but bawl your eyes out—such pleasant dream, isn’t it? You hope that it’s a good sign for what’s coming today.

-

You arrive at the venue at 18:06 and head straight in. A staff greets you at the entrance of the hall and asks you to show him your ticket. You do as he asks and he then escorts you to your seat—“must be VVIP treatment”, you think as you’re led to your seat. You take a seat that he points at and pull out your phone; less than an hour left until the show starts, your phone tells you. Your phone also tells you that you have some incoming texts from Jiyeon.

[Ji Seoyeon❤️| 18:10]

I see a pretty boy in a suit sitting in the front row

He’s soooo cuteeeee

Very tall too, my God

No one else has arrived yet so you know that she’s referring to you, but you can’t see her anywhere so you give up trying to spot her instantly. You smile at your phone while reading her texts and she follows up with some more.

[Ji Seoyeon❤️| 18:10]

Look at him, he’s smiling!!!!

Omg I love him so damn much <3 <3 <3

His bae is a lucky girl for sure

You cover your mouth with a hand to muffle an excited squeal. You finally manage to form some replies of your own after calming yourself down.

[You | 18:11]

I can’t with you

You’re driving me insane

[Ji Seoyeon❤️| 18:11]

Oh, it’s you!!!!

Thank you for coming!!!! <3

You shake your head and shove your phone back in your pocket because one more exchange will surely send your heart to overdrive. You need to lock in soon so that you can wholeheartedly and wholebrainedly—that’s not a word, is it—pay attention to her performance later.

-

15 minutes before the performances start and the venue is now packed with people. You hear from the MC that Jiyeon will be the last one performing; “favorites go last all the time”, you say to yourself. Before you forget, you pull out a handkerchief from your suit jacket and set it on your lap because it’s guaranteed that you’re going to weep while watching her.

One by one contestant performs and now it’s Jiyeon’s turn to take the stage and make everyone weep (yes, you are that confident of her skills). Your jaw drops the instant she walks out; she’s wearing a white tutu and matching pointe shoes—a literal embodiment of a swan. She makes eye contact with you for a second before turning her gaze to the rest of the crowd, and that’s when the cheering erupts; “oh, she’s famous, huh?”, you hear your brain say. She then moves to the side and waits until the song starts; “I’m so fucking cooked”, you think to yourself.

The truth cannot be any further right now, as you feel tears gather in your eyes as soon as she starts her routine. She’s barely making expressions, but you really feel the emotions that she’s conveying through every small movement. As you keep paying attention, you’re promptly reminded of how hard she’s worked for these sorts of moments, not only in the past few weeks, but also in her entire life. Combine that with the way she’s moving on stage, you can’t help but open the dam and let the tears flow. She’s not making eye contact with you because she wants to stay concentrated, and that’s helpful for you because you’re not presentable at all right now.

You wish you weren’t such a crybaby because you otherwise would be able to enjoy her performance, but you’re also glad that you’re able to feel these emotions and savor every second of it. You wipe your eyes with your handkerchief before looking back at her and murmuring to yourself, “I’m so proud of you, my little swan. Thank you for being in my life and thank you for showing me such gracefulness that very few can see with their own eyes”. You ball up your fists to cheer for her, but your brain manages to bridle your body in time before you can start shouting, thus saving you from embarrassment; “this ain’t basketball, you fucking idiot”, it yells at you.

Her performance ends with her getting on her knees while bending back, and the crowd instantly erupts behind you. You feel a surge of emotions in your heart, and you decide to let all the tears go into the handkerchief; “what is this feeling and who am I to be so lucky?”, you say. You feel the elderly man next to you put a hand on your shoulder and pat you on the back, “I wondered the same thing when I was your age, son, and I still don’t have an answer to this day”. You sniffle before saying anything back, “I can’t describe what I’m feeling right now, sir”. He pulls you to him and makes you rest your head on his shoulder, “There’s no need for that, son. Just enjoy it as much as you can, for we are a lucky bunch”. You’ve never heard such wisdom from someone before, so you ask him who he is. “I’m no one important, boy—definitely not as important as that girl on stage to you”, he says. “I love her, sir”, you reveal to him. He rubs you on the back with his palm several times as he laughs, “I know, son. I know”.

You look up and see that Jiyeon is looking back at you, so you do your best to give her the sincerest smile you’ve ever shown to anyone; “I’m so proud of you”, you mouth to her. She returns your smile twice as splendidly before heading backstage. The MC comes back out and announces that we’ll be taking a 10-minute break before announcing the winners, so you take this opportunity to leave your seat and head to the bathroom to freshen up after weeping your heart out.

You were a bit late to return and see that all the contestants are now standing next to each other on stage, so you rush to your seat and tune back in. “We will now be announcing the 3rd place, 2nd place, and the 1st place winners”, the MC says. You close your eyes and pray to whatever sacred being that might be listening to you right now. “Coming in the third place”, she pauses, “Miss Noh Yunah!”. You sigh in relief, “oh God, okay, top 2, baby. Let’s go”. The MC suggests an idea to announce the 2nd and 1st place; “would the attendants prefer to hear the 1st place winner before the 2nd?”, she says, and the crowd seems to agree with that idea.

“Right, so here’s what we’re going to do, Miss Ji Seoyeon and Miss Choi Jihyun: I’m going to say the name of the first-place winner and whoever doesn’t hear her name is the second-place winner”, she explains, and the two girls nod in acknowledgment. “The winner of the competition is”, she fucking pauses again, “Miss”—for the love of God, do it already—“Ji Seoyeon!”. You open your eyes and see that Jiyeon has dropped onto her knees while crying, and you have no choice but to cry again with her. “Congratulations, son”, the elderly man says as he shakes your hand, “treat the miss to dinner after this, okay?”. Your brain can’t come up with words to say, so you just nod while shaking his hand emotionally.

-

The contestants went backstage a few minutes ago, and some people in the crowd are now talking among themselves while some others opt to leave. You feel your phone vibrate in your pocket, so you pull it out and see that Jiyeon has sent you some texts.

[Ji Seoyeon❤️| 20:24]

Oppa

I’m glad I could win it for you

Can I come over after this?

Pretty please?

[Ji Seoyeon❤️| 20:24]

Congratulations, love

I’m glad I got to watch you perform

You slayed btw

I’ll wait for you in the car, bby

You turn to the man next to you and bid your farewell, “thank you so much for tonight, sir. I will be taking my leave now”. “Thank you to you as well, son. May I offer you some advice?”, he says, and you nod in response, “try not to obscure your feelings; embrace them, savor them, share them with those you love. Believe me when I say that you won’t regret it—emotions are the colors of life, you see”. In your heart, you envy and yearn for such wisdom, but you realize that it takes a lifetime to be that wise. “Thank you, sir. I will keep that in mind. Have a good night”.

You stand up from your seat and start making your way to the parking lot after talking to the man. When you get to the parking lot, you see that Jiyeon is already waiting for you. She drops her stuff on the ground and hugs you; “oppa, I love you. I love you so fucking much, oppa”, she confesses in case it wasn’t clear already. You take the man’s advice to heart and embrace the emotions you’re feeling right now, “I love you so much as well, baby. I’m so proud of you”. She presser her head against your chest and conveys her request, “take me to your place, oppa. I want to spend the night in your embrace. Let’s leave now, oppa—please, I’m begging you”. You peck her forehead and pull away from the hug, “alright, sweetie. Let’s go now”.

-

You enter your apartment with Jiyeon and swap your shoes for the indoor sandals. She pulls your hand, forcing you to turn to her direction before kissing you. Jiyeon goes further and fight your tongue with hers. You find her passion to be overwhelming, so you break the kiss to take a breather. “Oppa, why did you pull away? You didn’t like it?”, she asks. “I did like it, but I first need to know how far we’re going tonight”, you tell her. You can’t tell what the smile on her face means when she says that you two are going all the way.

“Can I take you to the bedroom?”, you ask her, and she nods to your question. You carry her bridal style like that time she “passed out” after practice. You set her down on the bed and that’s when she makes another confession; “this is my first time, oppa”, she tells you. “Are you sure that you want to give your first to me?”, you ask her. “Only if you promise to never leave me again”, she says. You tell her your promise and start kissing her lustfully, as it’s now your tongue that’s fighting hers. She takes your hand and guides it to her crotch; thus, you feel her wetness through her jogger pants. You pull away from the kiss once more and ask her, “on a scale of 1 to 10, how ready do you think you are?”. “24”, she says, “now please take care of me”. You’re not sure why she picks such particular number, but you roll with it anyway.

You grab the waistband of her pants and pull down after getting her consent, and you’re met with her bare pussy. “No panties, hm? No wonder I could feel how wet you were through your pants”, you ask her. She shrugs, “I figured it would be faster this way, and it is. Continue, please”. You then move your hands to the hem of her white sleeveless T-shirt and roll it over her head, exposing her covered tits to the bedroom air. “It would be even faster if you weren’t wearing bras as well”, you tease her. She pouts cutely, “and what if someone saw? Do you really want your girl to run around while being exposed like that?”.

You pull her into a hug and unclasp her bras before letting go, and you’re shown her perfectly perky bare tits. “They’re yours, oppa”, she says as she guides your hands to her tits. You start fondling her tits in your hands and it causes her to start moaning softly. Seeing that she’s enjoying it, you latch your mouth onto one of them and start sucking without letting up the stimulation on the other one. “Oppa, you like them—AHHHH, OPPA”, she screams when you not-so-lightly tug her nipple. “Can’t let the other one go forgotten”, you say as you move your mouth to the other breast. She holds the back of your head with both hands and press your head against her tits; “that’s-that’s—ahh, ngh”, her words are cut short by a moan.

She finally pushes your head away from her tits after letting you play with them for a few minutes. “You-you’re not fair, oppa”, she says, panting, “why aren’t you naked like me?”. You look down on yourself and see that you still have all your clothes on. “Apologies, my love. I got carried away”, you get off the bed and take your sweet time to take one item off at a time, unveiling your muscular body little by little for the girl in your bed. You’re finally done taking everything off but the boxers, “would you like to do the honors, princess?”, you ask Jiyeon. “Uh, umm, I-I think you should take them off yourself”, the antsy girl says before biting her lips. You do as she says and take off your boxers in one smooth motion, and Jiyeon immediately turns her gaze to look at the big, erect parcel between your legs. She looks away to get your cock out of her sight and asks you to make another promise, “pro-promise me you won’t hurt me, oppa”. You rub the back of her hand to soothe her, “I promise, love. We will do this on your pace, okay? Make yourself comfortable, please”.

She lies flat on her back and opens her arms, “come here, oppa”. You enter her warm embrace and pepper her face with pecks. “Aaaaah, oppa, stoooop”, she tries to halt your barrage of pecks. You hover your face above hers and offer her some sweet words, “I love you, baby. My baby. My white swan”. She blushes as she puts her hands on your cheeks, “I love you too, oppa. I love you with my life”. “Baby, I want to tell you something”, you make a confession of your own, “I have never done this before—I didn’t speak accordingly because I wanted to help you not be nervous. I apologize for pretending and I also apologize should my naïveté shows”. “Awww”, she coos, “we’re each other’s first, aren’t we? That makes this even more special, oppa”.

Since the confessions are now out of the way, you dive into another kiss—a kiss so heavenly and heartfelt to tell Jiyeon how much you love her. She smiles warmly after pulling away and breaking the kiss, “I love you, oppa, and I know you love me too. Now please take care of me”. You move a strand of hair from her face, “I’m so sorry but I don’t have a condom, love; I’m a virgin just like you”. She runs her thumb back and forth on your cheek, “We won’t need that;you’re my only one, oppa—my first and my last. Just promise me that you’ll be gentle; make me yours and I’ll stay by your side until the end of time”. You feel a stray tear on your cheek and wipe it right away, “I’m sorry, cutie. Your words are just so sweet—you are so sweet”. She smiles gently hearing your words, “we’re about to find out what having sex with the person you truly love is like, oppa. I’m excited but also nervous to give you my first”.

You peck her forehead before straightening your back to get ready for the action. “Do you consent, precious?”, you ask as you line up your cock with her untouched entrance. “I do” is response, nice and concise. You start moving forward into her pussy, and as soon as your cock is 1/3 of the way in, Jiyeon screams from the top of her lungs. “Oppa, oppa—ngh, fu—hold me, please—hug me, oppa”, she says to you with troubled breathing. You lay on top of Jiyeon and hug her tightly, “I’m here, baby; I’m here for you. I’ll stop moving so let’s relax a bit, okay?”.

After taking a few seconds to catch her breath, she signals to you to start moving again. You move your pelvis forward until you feel the entirety of your cock lodged in her pussy, as you take her virginity and give her yours in return. “Ngh, ngh—op-oppa, you’re so big—oh my God, you’re tearing me in half”, she says. You peck her temple as you start pumping her, “you’re so tight, baby; you’re literally squeezing me”. She yelps when your cock hits her deepest end, “I th-ink that’s my cervix, oppa—ahh, fuck—how are you so fucking deep, oppa?”. You’d be lying if you said her words didn’t inflate your ego, but you just want to keep fucking her right now and this position doesn’t really allow that. Jiyeon panics when you try to pull away from the hug; “no, no, no—oh, mmh—keep me in your arms, oppa. I’m begging you—fuck—plea-please”, she says.

You latch your mouth onto her neck and start sucking and nibbling as you maintain the pace and depth of your thrusts, earning moans from Jiyeon that sound like a melody from the heavens. “Op-pa—aah, hng—some-something is coming. I-I can feel it”, she says after taking a lot (like, a lot) of pumps from you. You unlatch your mouth for a second so that you can answer her; “yes, baby. I feel it too, I think”.

“AH, OPPA, I’M-I’M GOING TO EXPLODE!”, she shrieks with all her might as her pussy puts you in such a chokehold (or cockhold, rather) that it’s almost painful to you. You remove your mouth from her neck and see that Jiyeon’s entire body is shaking and trembling as she keeps screaming her lungs out. She finally stops screaming after her high has subsided; “hah, hah—wha-what was that? I-I felt like I was on cloud nine and then I’m back in your arms”, she says, her breaths mixed with pants. You chuckle at her description of what just happened, “is it better to be on cloud nine or in my arms?”. She pulls you down for a kiss before giving you an answer, “I like being in my boyfriend’s arm much, much better”. “Boyfriend, hm?”, you smile at her, “I love the way you say that; it makes me feel loved, you know”. “That is because I truly love you, oppa, and nothing can sway me from loving you”, she says.

“Jiyeon, my baby”, you say to her, “I’m sorry, but can we continue? I think I’m pretty close as well”. “We can, oppa, but first”, she holds your head and looks at you in the eyes, “I want you to start calling me Seoyeon from now on; it’s not like you’ll mistake me for Yoon Seoyeon-sunbaenim, is it?”. “No, there’s no way I’ll ever mistake you for Yoon Seoyeon. My heart is yours, not Yoon Seoyeon’s”, you say before resuming your rhythmic thrusting. Jiyeon—or Seoyeon, rather—starts moaning again and it serves as fuel for you to keep going and chase your own orgasm.

“Seoyeon, my swan—fuck, so tight—do you want me to pull out when I cum?”, you ask her. “If you pull out, I will cut your penis off and feed it to a cat”, Seoyeon threatens you. “Oh, fuck, please don’t. We wouldn’t be able to do this again if you did”, you say, intimidated by her words. “Good, now don’t—OH MY GOD, THAT IS SO FUCKING HOT”, her words are cut off by your cock’s abrupt explosion and the sudden flood of semen in her pussy. “My God, I just came in her pussy”, you think to yourself as you pant from the high that your orgasm is giving you. “Oppa­-oppa, was that—whoa, fuck—was that your orgasm?”, Seoyeon wonders. In your exhausted and high state, you just nod to her question; “you gave me your first ever orgasm, oppa? You’ve never watched porn and had an orgasm before, have you? Please say no”, Seoyeon says. You shake your head, “I have—hah, fuck—I have never watched porn ever in my life. What the fuck kind of question is that? Sure-surely you don’t think that low of me—oh my goodness, I’m tired”. “Sorry, please don’t be mad”, she rubs your cheek, “it was a genuine question, oppa. I’m-I’m glad that you’ve never watched porn—”. You cut her off by placing a finger on her lips, “please, let’s not talk about that right now”.

You pull away from her embrace and straighten your back to look at your work; “wait, there’s supposed to be blood, isn’t there?”, you ask yourself as you look at your cock and her leaking pussy. “Oppa, I know what you’re thinking”, Seoyeon says with a tiny voice, “you must be wondering about the lack of blood considering that it’s my first time”. You turn your gaze to her without saying anything, which makes Seoyeon nervous; “I-I can explain, oppa, but I need you to trust me because I am not lying at all”, she says. You take a moment to calm your pants before talking back, “of course, darling. Fire away”. “Where do I start—ah, fuck it, I’ll just tell you the end bit”, she says, “I lost my hymen in an accident, oppa. Please, please believe me when I say that you’re my first, because you really are”.

You stay quiet and take a second to process the news that she just delivered, and that’s when she starts shedding tears. “You-you don’t believe me, do you? You’re disappointed because it’s your first, aren’t you? It-It’s okay if you don’t believe me and want to leave me, oppa; heaven knows I’m being honest”, she says as tears are freely flowing out of her eyes. The instant surge of guilt in your heart leads you to jump and take her into your arms again. “I believe you, my love—I really do. I just wanted some time to process your words; I’m sorry for not saying anything right away”, you say right to her ear. Her crying makes it hard for her to speak but she pushes through anyway, “please, please don’t leave me, oppa. I-I don’t know what I would do with-out you. Please, oppa, I’m begging you to stay with me”. You hug her tighter and give her your promise, “I will not leave you, baby; not now, not tomorrow, not next week, never. I need you as much as you need me, precious. Trust me, please. Let’s calm down, okay? I’m here for you, honey”.

-

It took a while for Seoyeon to finally calm down and stop crying. It was really painful for you to see Seoyeon cry from such a close distance, but it didn’t stop you from giving her the assurance and comfort that she needed. “Baby”, you call out to Seoyeon after noticing that her sobs have died down, “feeling better?”. She hums in response, “feeling hungry, too—wait, you promised me you’d make mac and cheese for me. Can we have mac and cheese now, oppa? Pleaaaaaase?”. “There she is, back to who she really is”, you say in your head. “We can, baby. Let’s get dressed first and then I’ll make some for us, okay?”, you pull her off the bed and onto her feet before heading to the wardrobe to get some clothes. You hand Seoyeon an old set of jersey and shorts as you’re reminded of her underwear situation, “I know you didn’t wear panties earlier but surely you brought them with you, right?”. Seoyeon chuckles in response, “of course I did, oppa; it’s in my bag. I’m not that naughty, you know?”. “Right”, you scratch the back of your head in awkwardness, “I’ll, uh, start cooking now”.

You head to the fridge and take all the ingredients necessary: milk, cheese, sausage, and broc—wait, not broccoli; mac and cheese isn’t supposed to be healthy. You take the scale out of the cupboard and weigh 100 grams of macaroni (taken from the cupboard as well), 50 grams of grated cheddar, and 50 grams of cubed mozzarella. You hear Seoyeon’s sandals approaching, so you call out to her, “baby, there’s zero-sugar soda in the fridge for you”. “I’ll save that for later, oppa. I’ll just get some water right now”, she says as she walks to the dispenser and refills her bottle. “Can I help with anything?”, she asks after taking a gulp of water. You point to the milk and ask her to pour out exactly 250 ml into a measuring cup. As Seoyeon does that, you pour some water into a pot and wait for it to boil.

“Love, go have a seat. I’ll take care of this”, you tell Seoyeon who’s still hovering near the stove area. “Promise me you won’t burn this place down”, she jumps and pecks you on the cheek before sitting at the table. “You’re making me make a lot of promises today, love”, you tease her. “Aaaaaah, but they’re for our own good, oppaaaaa”, she whines and crosses her arms, “I hate you so much, hmph”. Seeing that you’re not responding to her stunt, Seoyeon walks up to you from behind and tickles you. “Baby, I’m cooking—ahahaha, okay, okay; you win, I’m sorry. Now please get back to your seat”. Seoyeon does as you ask and sits down at the table again.

The water is now boiling, so you throw the macaroni into it and start a timer on your phone for 8 minutes. Since you have some time to kill, you decide to kiss Seoyeon and do more skinship with her and talk about some stuff until the timer runs out. Before you know it (because you’re so absorbed in the moment), you hear your phone ring, and you rush to turn the timer off and drain the macaroni.

You throw a tablespoon of butter into the pot and let it melt before adding in a tablespoon of flour. You then quickly but gradually add milk into the mix before it sticks to the pot. You turn your gaze to the counter and notice that the cheese is missing. “Seoyeon, darling, do you know where the cheese is?”, you ask your swan. “Oh, I brought it with me to the table, sorry. Here, oppa”, she hands you the two cups of cheese and you throw them into the pot and stir rapidly until it’s nice and smooth. “Here go the mac and sausage”, you announce to yourself, earning a chuckle from Seoyeon. Once everything is mixed together, you turn off the stove and mix in a tablespoon of salt, pepper, smoked paprika, and chili powder. You then take two bowls and split the mac and cheese into two as equally as you can and bring it to the table.

“This looks good, oppa”, Seoyeon says as she takes a spoonful of mac and cheese and shoves it into her mouth, “oooh, very nice. Not as salty as when I made it myself that one time”. You follow her and put a spoonful into your mouth. The taste makes you let out a satisfied moan, and it triggers a comment from Seoyeon, “we’re eating, oppa, not having sex—do you want to have sex again, by any chance?”. As tempting as it sounds, you choose to ignore her comment for now, “this is nice, no? I love it”. You miss a glare that Seoyeon sends you because you’re too busy eating, but that’s a problem for later.

-

“Thank you for the meal, oppa. Can I borrow a toothbrush now?”, Seoyeon says. You tell her that you keep spare toothbrushes in the bathroom cabinet and that she can get one from there. She heads to the bathroom to brush her teeth while you wash the dishes.

As soon as you’re done, you hear Seoyeon call out to you from the bathroom, so you knock on the door, and she opens it for you. “What is it, baby?”, you ask her. She says nothing and shoves you backwards until you’re seated on the toilet. “Really, oppa? I offered you to do round 2 and you just ignored me? Is that how we will do things from now on, oppa?”, Seoyeon interrogates you and you can’t help but feel like a criminal. A short “I’m sorry” is all you can come up with, and Seoyeon is visibly not satisfied with your apology. “Take off your shorts and boxers, now”, she says. You never thought a girl so cute could be so intimidating, but here you are. You do as she commands and take them off, revealing your cock to her for the second time tonight.

“Please don’t ignore me like that again, oppa; it makes me sad, you know”, she says as she gets on her knees and holds your cock in one hand. “Can you get hard again, please? I want to make you orgasm again”, she strokes your cock with both hands to compensate with the girth. “Baby, what are you planning to do?”, you say with a sigh at the end. “This”, she says as she takes you in her mouth, her jaws are as wide open as they can be. You thought that this sight couldn’t get better until Seoyeon looks at you in the eyes as your cock is in her mouth. “Seoyeon-ah, you’re so good”, you forgot to say the pet name so she bites your cock slightly to express her dissatisfaction. “Oh, fuck, fuck. I’m so sorry, love. Please don’t kill me”, you say.

She gives you a wink and starts bobbing her head up and down your shaft, making you throw your head back and moan in bliss. She gets impatient as she goes down too deep and chokes on your cock. The little accident doesn’t seem to deter her, though, as she keeps going up and down a little bit more carefully this time. “You’re doing so good, dear—my fucking God, that’s so nice”, you praise her efforts, and she gives you a thumbs-up in return.

“Can I ask you to go faster, baby?”, you ask Seoyeon, whose mouth is full of your cock. She gives you a subtle nod and starts moving faster and gagging occasionally. You hold the back of her head when she tries to pull away and start fucking her mouth—not too hard, though. You don’t want to take things too far just yet. “God, baby; your mouth feels so good—oh, I’m getting so close again”, you tell her. You feel her repeatedly tap your thighs, so you pull out of her mouth in response. “Are you okay, sweetie?”, you ask the panting girl as you pet her head. “That was too much, oppa. Let me do it at my own pace, please”, Seoyeon says as she wipes her mouth.

You agree to let her do as she pleases and sit back. Seoyeon pecks the tip for your cock—which sensation makes you gasp in surprise—and goes down on your cock again. You lean back against the backrest of the toilet and close your eyes to fully savor the sensation that her mouth is giving you. You can tell that she’s focused and determined to make you cum for the second time tonight, and you don’t miss your chance to praise her efforts. “Love, you’re so good; such a good girl, aren’t you?”, you stroke her head before letting out a groan.

“Oh, God—baby, I think I’m gonna blow again”, you warn her. At your warning, she removes you from her mouth and strokes your cock. “Give it to me again, oppa”, she says to you. You moan loudly as the second load of the night jets out of the tip of your cock. Seoyeon collects as much of it as she can with her hands; “how do you still have so much, oppa? How much do you have in there?”, she says, fascination and curiosity woven in her voice. “I think that’s all I have today”, you tell her, “thank you so much, baby. I really enjoyed that”. She dips a finger in the pool of cum in her hands and puts it in her mouth, “it tastes weird. I’m not putting this in my mouth, sorry”. You weakly point to the sink, “you don’t need to; go wash your hands, honey”.

-

You carry Seoyeon back to bed after the little bonus session in the bathroom. She’s now lying limb on top of you like that afternoon when she jumped on you. “Oppa”, she begins, “I love you. Don’t leave me ever, please”. You weave your pinky with hers and say your pledge, “I will never leave you, my beautiful swan. I love you”. “Oh, yeah, about that”, Seoyeon lifts her head off your chest, “why swan, oppa?”. You hold her chin in your hand, “the way you were moving so gracefully and elegantly, combined with how you were dressed, made me think of a white swan that’s pacing peacefully around a calm lake”. Seoyeon rests her head on your chest again, “I like that idea, oppa. Thank you”. You shake your head in disagreement, “no, love; thank you. Thank you for letting me enter your life and love you like this—I’m so grateful for us, baby”. You feel a tear drop from her cheeks and onto your T-shirt, “I’m so grateful for us as well, oppa. My world is bleak without you next to me”.

[lanawinterscigarettes]

Jason Dean dating someone who's transmasc

Warnings: brief mentions of transphobia, canon typical stuff such as bullying, swearing, violence, murder, etc, slight suggestive things but nothing that's full on smut (I might make another post with that later), smoking (because we all know our boy JD smokes like a chimney), mentions of dysphoria, mentions of menstrual cycles/periods, some forcemascing by JD (sorry I couldn't resist)

A/N: I did a Veronica version of this like two years ago and since I'm currently obsessed with JD (and it's pride month) I felt the urge to write one for him too (also because I've come to the conclusion that I might just be transmasc and not genderfluid so this is mostly just written for me)

I wanna start off by saying that yes JD is an asshole, but he'd never be (intentionally) transphobic. However, if he thought you were trans then he would push your buttons a little bit to see how long it would take you to admit it, especially if you met before you came out

Let's say you two started dating when you still saw yourself as a girl or something (I know that JD's supposed to be "straight" or whatever but he's bisexual to me okay fight me on it). If he saw you acting a little uncomfortable being referred to as his girlfriend or having to use the women's restroom at school he would 100% call you out on it

Not in a degrading way or anything like that, just to see how you would react to it. The second you start to get defensive or give him the silent treatment he shuts up, not only because he accomplished what he set out to do but also because he feels a little bad

Eventually you just decide to rip off the bandaid and come to terms with the fact that you're actually a trans guy, him being one of the first people you tell. His only real response to this "startling revelation" is to look at you and go "Yeah I kind of figured that one out for myself already, I was just waiting for you to"

Your worries that he'd want to break up with you after telling him disappeared almost immediately as you crossed your arms and rolled your eyes at him. "Ha ha, very funny smartass"

If you decide you want to cut your hair shorter then he will absolutely offer to help you with it, insisting that there's no reason for you to go to a professional with him there (it's totally not just because he's very possessive and would never let anyone else touch your hair other than him, that's crazy)

You may have wore his clothes some before, but he practically begs you to do it after you come out. Why would you ever need to go shopping when you can just raid his closet, y'know? Plus seeing you in them really turns him on

He gets ten times more protective afterwards too, constantly following you around to make sure you're okay. You could have classes that take place at the same time on opposite sides of the school and he'll always skip his to join you. Eventually the teachers just move his class schedule around to match with yours since he never attends his anyway

Always has an arm wrapped around you no matter what, especially if he sees someone like Kurt and Ram passing by. It's best to distract him with kisses or something so he won't hear the things they call you and get mad (he hears them anyway but can't resist making out with you so he lets it slide for the time being)

Speaking of making out, he does it with you everywhere and all the time, whether it's a modern au or the 80s. He's not worried about what people say or do, usually letting his gun do all the talking. He shoots them is what I'm trying to get at here lol

Most people are much too scared to even breath too loud near you because of your attack dog boyfriend but if it ever does happen that you get bullied (whether that be verbally or physically) he will go out of his way to make sure the local morgues, cemeteries, and funeral homes have plenty of business

Feeling anxious or stressed about having to spend time with/be around someone who misgenders/deadnames you? Just let him tag along. He might not say much but what he will do is very passive-aggressively correct said person on their "mistakes". It pretty much always works as no one wants to argue with a guy who frequently carries a gun

It's not the best habit around but he probably gets you hooked on smoking at least occasionally, especially if he hears you complain about your voice being too high. Oh, you're worried that you sound too feminine and "girly"? He has the perfect way to get you that low and gravelly voice that you want! You think he's talking about voice training or something until he hands you a pack of cigarettes and with the most serious expression ever says "these will do wonders"

Even if you don't smoke religiously like he does it's kind of hard to resist it completely given how often he lights up a cigarette (and yes, he will blow smoke into your face, because while he loves you he's also an asshole and thinks it's funny when you wrinkle up your nose in disgust at him)

He's not the best at comforting you when it comes to days where you feel dysphoric. Like, he won't flat out say that he thinks you're acting ridiculous because he knows it would only make things worse, but he's also not great when dealing with emotions, so the most he might do is let you cling to him while he gives you a few awkward pats on the back

If this goes on for days borderlining on weeks, however, that's when he'll start to act less sensitive and give you a bit of tough love. "What are you talking about saying that you 'don't look like a guy'? Are you crazy? You really think life would be better if you were still living as a girl? Do you honestly think that would make you happy?"

It surprisingly works, believe it or not. Even if you know he's purposely trying to rile you up it ends up making you feel better and more confident in yourself. Anytime he notices you starting to slip back into feelings of self doubt or insecurity, he just wraps you up in his arms and whispers soft encouragements in your ear. "You were never a girl, you just need to work a little bit harder than others to grow into the man that you are. If anything, that's a testament to your strength for being able to do that"

This certainly happens whenever you're on your period and feel grouchier or less confident than usual. "You're so strong for being able to endure this every month, did you know that? You're much braver than I am, I doubt I'd be able to get through it as well as you"

Sometimes you almost start crying because of how emotional his words make you feel, and sometimes you roll your eyes with annoyance while muttering "you're a condescending asshole" under your breath. Either way it ends up making you feel better, especially when he offers to rub your lower abdomen when your cramps get too bad

If you decide to start HRT then he wants to be there to help you take the shots, even if you insist you can do it yourself (he likes being part of the process of helping you "turn into" a man). Same thing if you use T gel or whatnot, he gets really pouty if you ever apply it without him

He's not really the best person to do "guy bonding" activities with unless you like making pipe bombs or planning the murders of people you hate (hypothetically speaking, of course) but if there's anything like that you want to try out then he'll definitely be there to support you. Like I don't know, hunting/fishing? Or watching sports games while drinking beer? Or breaking out the toolbox and fixing things around the house? Sorry I don't really know things that guys do despite being one myself 😭

The only exception to that is probably car maintenance. I see him as being very protective over his motorcycle and learning how to take care of it himself so he doesn't have to worry about taking it to the shop and having them screw it up. He'd be happy to teach you about how to change your own oil and might even teach you how to ride it as long as you don't accidentally scratch up his paint job. He might not kill you for it, but he will be very upset and end up ignoring you for a few hours afterwards

Purposely introduces/refers to you as his boyfriend in front of others just to see your face light up with confidence. It's not like JD has a lot of friends or anything but anyone that he does know feels as if they've met you already because of how he much he talks about you (he's totally that one annoying person you know who never shuts up about their partner ever)

All in all, I'd say he's a relatively good boyfriend in general, but especially if you're transmasc. Solid 8/10 (one point was deducted for his slight insensitivity and another was due to his crazy streak. Sorry JD I promise I still love you </3)

Main masterlist | Heathers masterlist | wanna be added to my taglist?

End notes: this ended up being much longer than I anticipated but I have absolutely no regrets whatsoever at all

Likes < reblogs | comments are greatly appreciated | requests are currently open

🏷 taglist: @missmewts @ghot-girl @gilmore-angel @your-next-daydream @the-night-owl-blr @noisy-dumb-piece-of-shit @pregnantmen @theonetruepotato87

[angelsdean]

trying to speed-run through some eps of my rewatch rn so I’m not doing proper live-blogging but will circle back and write some thoughts later but. It’s very interesting to me how in 2x10 sam is so insistent on roping Ava into things and when she wants to walk away and forget abt things and return to her “normal life” sam is like “you really don’t want to know the Truth abt who you are???” and he really pushes the whole “we’re connected!!” thing. And like, I get it. He doesn’t want to feel alone in all this. He wants to connect with these other ppl that are like him. But it’s just interesting to me how in previous episodes and on other cases sam sort of laments having to tell people abt the supernatural and wishes they could “stay innocent” and oblivious to what’s out there. But here he’s so set on telling Ava everything and shattering the illusions of her perfect life. And if feels a bit like sam is projecting his own fears and wishes onto her. Like HE wishes he’d known abt all this stuff sooner. HE feels like he was out of the loop abt things and now thinks well EYE would have wanted to know so I must tell this woman everything. And he had his “normal life” shattered by the supernatural (though it’s interesting to note that Sam himself refers to his life in california as trying to “run” from his destiny. To which dean promptly says FUCK DESTINY.) Anyways, how Sam acts with Ava, felt to me like he was projecting and treating her like HE would want to be treated but not considering what she might actually want. And he just seemed so desperate to connect with her, esp after all the other special children he met so far either died or wanted nothing to do with him. And it’s just an interesting shift, where before sam might’ve wanted to preserve people’s normal apple pie lives now he’s seeing “normal” as escapism and not real and he’s prioritizing the need of Knowing and the Truth abt what’s out there

[r3medialch8os]

so since u guys liked that i did this with remedial chaos theory i will now also be doing this for epidemiology.

the most incredible thing about this episode is that it is in fact Not merely an homage like most concept episodes are; it actually happens. a zombie epidemic For Real takes place at greendale. it's not a gimmick or a game or a way to frame the plot. the actual conflict is derived from the fact that people are zombies and the study group need to outrun them/turn them back. how often can you say that a sitcom incorporates a storyline like this and sincerely pulls it off? never.

the emotional tension in this episode is framed around troy/abed/jeff and the dichotomy of being a nerd vs. being cool, which respectively get attributed the qualities of caring about the people around you who have turned into zombies or wanting to run and escape from the zombies without trying to help. abed and jeff's costumes are both pointed out in the beginning receiving clear denotations of 'lame' and 'too cool to care' and therefore their positions in the conflict are cemented. the episode has a push-pull with troy being the moving factor, having to decide what he thinks is most important. he gets swayed in the beginning by two girls rejecting him over his costume and jeff mentioning how expensive his suit is. he changes from his ripley costume into a 'sexy dracula'. abed spends the whole episode trying to get troy back to his side, even saying "what defines a nerd? committing to an awesome halloween costume with your best friend?" troy is eventually 'turned back' into his nerdy self (perhaps a zombie metaphor itself, keeping in tone with the theme of the episode) because jeff cares more about his suit getting dirty than surviving the herd of zombies.

a crucial part of the episode is that it is soundtracked by abba music playing from the dean's playlist. now, who would i be if i didn't investigate significant music choices connected to scenes? first up and probably the most important one: s.o.s. is used in the background of a scene where abed confronts troy about changing costumes. troy insults him and walks away. the lyrics are: 'you seemed so far away, though you were standing near. you made me feel alive, but something died, i fear. i really tried to make it up, i wish I understood. what happened to our love? it used to be so good.' next; gimme gimme gimme plays right before the scene where chang and shirley hook up. another insane choice is at the end when troy is fighting the zombies. the whole sequence has mamma mia playing in the background Faintly. then when troy eventually gets to abed and has to fight him, the music comes in much louder with the lyrics: 'here i go again, my, my, how can i resist you?', which i think fits perfectly. the ending song fernando has the lyrics 'there was something in the air that night', both referencing the thermostat changing the zombies back and the fact that it was just an incredibly weird fucking night.

troy is dressed as ellen ripley and also kind of acts as the ripley of this episode. his journey in this as being the sole survivor and the one to eventually save greendale adheres to a common science fiction model where a life-threatening force is faced against the protagonists and they fall off in degrees, resulting in one person being left to mend everything. here specifically, it seems to mirror ripley's journey in alien (1979) as it starts with a crew that eventually gets cut down leaving only her. i thought that was really cool.

more alien tidbits, but the jumping cat scene is also inspired by it. jones the cat is an imporant figure in the first alien movie. in various scenes, members of the crew will go looking for him, then get ambushed by the titular alien and subsequently killed. it is a minor homage to the movie through yet another subtle reference. the bit is also parodying jumpscares in horror movies in general, and how they are used to cheaply amplify the tension. anyways, it's quite the multilayered joke because it also really works out of context as a bizarre comedic moment.

troy and abed's scene in the basement pays homage to princess leia and han solo's scene in the empire strikes back. the conversation in the film takes place just before han is frozen alive in carbonite by darth vader. not knowing if he’ll survive, he kisses leia, only to be torn away from her by stormtroopers. she says 'i love you,' and as he descends into chamber, han replies, 'i know.' an undeniably romantic moment, maybe one of the most memorable ones ever, is applied to troy and abed who have held reign over the emotional core of the plot for the entire episode. it's pretty special that such an iconic moment is given to them, i feel like the creators of the show wouldn't just do this sparingly. it also perfectly resolves their conflict as troy makes such a vulnerable statement and abed assuring him that he already knew, validating their bond once again.

more on troy and abed, it is pretty amazing realizing the emotional implications tied to how dire the situation was. everyone in this episode was under the direct threat of Not Surviving, and still abed sacrificed himself for troy. he knew this was for real. he couldn't be sure if they were going to make it. but i think he had enough faith in troy to aid in his escape. it's very touching. further, it's incredible that troy is willing to fight all the zombies (all his friends) but when it comes time to punch abed, he refuses to do it. he's struck by the force of their friendship, mumbling 'we're friends' defeated before eventually succumbing to his bite.

troy saving the school by controlling the temperature; nicely setting up his further plot with the ac repair school.

him being the one to escape and abed saying 'be the first black man to make it to the end' subverts the common horror trope of 'black dude dies first'. a playful way of keeping up with the horror movie theme of the episode.

also ironically this episode, which features the song mamma mia by abba, sets up a plotline in season two about shirley not knowing who the father of her new baby is, which is functionally the plot of the movie mamma mia!, a musical based on abba's music. probably a coincidence but a pretty funny one.

at the end when the army arrives, they ask the dean about witnesses. when he says he is the only witness, one of the guards reaches into his jacket, suggesting that he's pulling a gun intended to kill the dean and get rid of the witness. when they notice everyone in the school is still alive, they abandon this plan and go for 'scenario b'. kind of dark but i laugh every time that scene happens.

anyways that's all i could pull from my brain crevices for now. this episode is a genuine masterpiece, it will never ever get old and will remain to be one of the most unique sitcom episodes ever created.

[ardentpoop]

Would you mind expanding on Sam/Amara and Dean/Chuck parallels?

hi :) please see the screencaps I just reblogged as a starting point.

quick summary:

amara is made out to be a villain by chuck, who had used the threat she supposedly posed to humanity as justification for locking her away, when what the real issue turns out to be is that he couldn’t handle not being the one guy in control. obvious parallels with samndean’s relationship in s4. the time that amara spent locked up is comparable to sam’s time not just in the panic room but in the cage as well.

because dean is this story’s central patriarch there are always easy comparisons to make between him and every other patriarch, but especially one with the level of sway over the narrative that chuck is revealed to have, given how seriously dean’s perspective biases the audience’s reaction to everything that transpires. even if you can’t stand chuck as a character/plot development (understandable tbh) you should be able to get some enjoyment out of these comparisons if you really understand dean’s role in the story. dean’s outraged reaction at discovering chuck’s orchestration of samndean’s lives and his desperation to sacrifice jack (and everyone else…. except sam) to ensure that he doesn’t have to live under chuck’s thumb is VERY telling btw. “I can’t live like that, man! I won’t!” because dean hasn’t had to since john died and dean became him. sam, on the other hand, is used to having no control over his own life. it is an essential condition of samndean’s relationship.

plus there’s this, which you can read however you like:

now I’m gonna drop in some dialogue excerpts from one of my top favorite late-seasons episodes, 15.17 “unity.” it is genuinely so delicious and so underrated.

I hope you’re picking up what I’m putting down. there is so much insight into the imbalanced nature of samndean’s relationship, about the way it functions at sam’s expense, and about dean’s influence over the story that you can extract from these scenes.

notably, chuck and amara’s Beautiful Grand Love Story ends with chuck literally consuming amara to keep them “together” and give “them” the best chance at wresting control back from samndean. this ending only came about because dean lied to amara to get her to work against chuck - of course not telling her that he intended to kill her alongside chuck. I don’t remember exactly why but I think dean believed it to be a necessary sacrifice. anyway, potential s4 parallels yet again!

also I used the term “literary chiaroscuro” once to refer to dean and sam’s respective Light and Dark roles and the way these roles are intentionally subverted/messed with - the brothers are compared to michael and lucifer, to cain and abel but also to cain and colette, to their own parents john and mary, to god (chuck) and “the darkness” (amara). I can’t get into the validity of all of these individual comparisons or I’ll be here all day, but they are worth exploring beyond their surface-level similarities.

final note: the difference between chuck and amara’s ending and samndean’s ending in “unity” (which is not-so-secretly my preferred series finale) is that dean backs out of his rampage, his intention to sacrifice Everyone to ensure he got to kill chuck as revenge for puppeteering him to pieces, because sam reminds him of his life’s purpose, instilled in him by john: “protecting” sam. like… dean points a gun at sam and forcibly knocks him to the ground after having convinced jack to kill himself for The Greater Good, and he’s furious and shouting and his hand is on his gun again… but when it comes down to it nothing matters more to dean than sam does. which is dangerous. sam hasn’t been any less “consumed” than amara is by the end of the series, but when a situation with dean needs to be deescalated sam is the only one who knows what dean needs to hear.

I’ll stop here because I think there’s so much more I could say about this episode if I kept thinking about it; perhaps I’ll do a full breakdown at a later date. in the meantime I hope any of this was interesting to you lol.

[queermania]

Wait wait wait. Jensen picked the writer who gave Dean a lesbian best friend and made him a nerd to be the show runner for his little fixit fic show? This is amazing!

when you look at robbie's run of episodes (that he wrote specifically, not produced or was the executive story editor on), a very specific version of supernatural and dean starts to emerge and it is insanity-inducing. here's a very brief rundown of the episodes robbie wrote:

slash fiction -swayze always gets a pass -dean singing air supply -"it's like eating self-righteousness' -the creation and introduction of frank devereaux -"applications for sainthood" -dean letting sam go

time after time -"what are you gonna look up more anime or are you strictly into dick now?" -dean being a nerdy little fanboy about eliott ness (and checking out a dude in a uniform but that was probably jacting joices) -dean getting excited about dressing up in period clothing!! -understanding that rufus matters and that family isn't just blood -original sam is milf!bait (and he's into it) truther -actually writing grief in nuanced ways -dean is smart and resourceful actually! -your future is "covered in thick black ooze" (which i know is just a very lucky coincidence but i don't care!)

the girl with the dungeons and dragons tattoo -CHARLIE!!! he gave us charlie. he said "actually what if hardcore fans were cool and fun and GAY and they were dean's new best friend" -charlie/dean/security guard flirting split screen -"she's kinda like the little sister I never wanted." "how does a high-school dropout become one of the brightest minds…" -basically this entire episode is just "be gay, do crime" and i love that for me specifically

bitten -not my favorite episode but as @ilarual says "it's very fun in how it illustrates Robbie's willingness to play with form, since it's all done as found footage" -and as @doctorprofessorsong says it "has the concept of monsters aren’t always bad guys" -and apparently it contains a brokeback reference? my memory of this episode is hovering at around 1% tbh but you get it

larp and the real girl -dressing dean up in little outfits AGAIN -and he likes it!!! -and he likes being a nerd! (dean is getting into it and sam is the one who is unamused mr serious guy!!!!) -and charlie is dean's new best friend! -"belladonna" "the pornstar?" -"did you break up with someone too?" -honestly you already know all of it. this is a fan favorite for a reason. what more can i say about this episode??

goodbye stranger -yes robbie was the first writer to try to give us a destiel love confession -cas practicing killing dean over and over and over and still not being able to do it when it comes down to it -"what broke the connection?" gee i wonder -first episode writing cas and he nailed the sort of unintentional deadpan humor that makes cas so lovable ("would it kill you to watch a movie? read a book?" "a movie, no, but with a book with the proper spells—yeah, it could theoretically kill me.") -"if he's so sketchy then why are you praying to him?" -pizza man reference -"do you really think we can trust megstiel?" (we get both megstiel and jealous!dean) -dean quoting lord of the rings (because he's a nerd! and he reads!) -meg roasting the shit out of sam for the amelia stuff -etc

pac-man fever -charlie reading the carver edlund books -charlie and dean being besties/getting a montage -dean telling charlie that what happened with her parents wasn't her fault/understanding the guilt she feels -"i love you" "i know" -"what about castiel? he seems helpful, and dreamy" -again, putting dean in little outfits -charlie knows how to shoot/aim a gun

slumber party -dorothy!! -oz!!! -look, is this episode cheesy? yes. but it's fun and it's so obviously a love letter to the oz source material and i love that about robbie. he does his research and he commits

first born -cain!!!! -drowley team up!!!!! ("friends. besties, actually." im sorry but drowley means so much to me personally and this is the start of their beautiful bromance) -"this is by far the dumbest idea you've ever had." "yeah, well, it's early" -cas liked pb&js!! jelly, not jam. he found jam unsettling!! -"you have a guinea pig? where?" -"you're a terrible liar?" "that is not true. i once deceived and betrayed both you and your brother." -just. sastiel shenanigans (and hugs!) -"she only asked for one thing." "to stop" -anyway. you get it.

meta fiction -dean and cas phone call smiles!! they LIKE each other -metatron media dump -"what makes a story work? is it the plot, the characters, the text? the subtext? and who gives a story meaning? is the writer? or you?" -i think it's important to note that robbie who wrote gabriel faking his own death -cas noticing something is wrong with dean pretty much instantly and then discovering the mark of cain

fan fiction -i mean. come on. -"although we do explore the nature of destiel in act two." -"you can't spell subtext without s-e-x" -sam being such a younger brother and trolling dean about "destiel" -"BM scene" -dean "you know they're brothers, right?"-ing the w*ncest stuff but just being flustered about the destiel stuff ayyyy -dean casually referencing andrew lloyd webber -"transformative fiction" -"i want you to put as much sub into that text as you possibly can" -dean quoting rent -the samulet is back! -"i have my version, and you have yours." -"he took away our own free will" <- about john!! -THE RETURN OF CHUCK!

there's no place like home -"i forgive you dean" "yeah well i don't" "i know, kinda your move" -"you hurt my friend" -"you lied to me" "you lied to yourself. that's kinda your move." -i mean. robbie just gets it, ya know?

book of the damned -cas being a huge bitch (love that) -sam being the excessively codependent one -cas and charlie get to meet! -found family goodness if only for a little bit!!

angel heart -ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! -"i got it at the hot topical" (and claire keeping grumpy cat) -no seriously. dean and cas went birthday present shopping together for claire and they did it at a mall -castiel feeling guilt for what he did to the novak family (and amelia recognizing that cas has changed/grown) -"you were both troubled teens. you speak her language." -"bring your daughter to work day" -"i'm saying she might be stronger on her own." which is a controversial line but i think it says something really significant about how dean feels about his childhood "in fact you're not anything to her except a constant reminder of someone that's gone." -mini golf!!!!!! dean and claire bonding!!!! -the introduction of the grigori, a class of angels which may or may not be important at some point -claire roasting the shit out of dean with "you seem pretty old" <3 -"happy birthday. don't shoot me."

baby -do i really need to explain anything about this one? -"okay first of all, never use swayze's name in vain, okay? ever." -"mistakes were made" -dean having a dream about john teaching him to drive but under normal and appropriate circumstances -werepire…. ghoulpyre… -honestly just the whole episde. you know what i'm talking about. the unique perspective. the insight into their day-to-day lives. the moments that live in between.

into the mystic -eileen! my best friend eileen! -dean x mildred otp -remembering sam's lucifer/hell trauma -the whole "follow your heart" speech -"banshees go after the vulnerable, so why'd it go after you?" -dean recognizing there's something off with cas -but really the most important thing here is EILEEN

safe house -bobby and rufus!!!! -i repeat BOBBY AND RUFUS!!!! -"were you ever nice?" "1985. worst year of my life." -robbie just really GETS that this show is more fun when it's not centered entirely on the brothers. -bobby referring to sam and dean as his boys -timey wimey shenanigans -there were some interesting implications in this episode too but i'm losing steam here so i'm gonna let you rewatch and figure it out lol

don't call me shurley -the reveal of chuck as god!!!! -bisexual chuck -dean does sam's laundry (sometimes with beer) -chuck is a shitty egotistical writer -he also plays the guitar and: "i like front row seats. you know, i figured i'd hide out in plain sight." -"i thought if i could show my sister that there was something more than just us, something better than us, then maybe she'd change. maybe she'd stop being… her. but every time I'd build a new world, she'd destroy it." -"the world would still be spinning with demon dean in it but sam couldn't have that though could he?" -"you were gonna choose amara over me."

so. yeah. jensen chose THIS GUY to helm the winchesters. bold move, sir. full respect.

also, this tweet always makes me crack up

one of us! one of us! one of us!

[nordleuchten]

I finished watching Franklin the other day and I had to comment on the portrayal of La Fayette throughout the series – while there were some things that I disliked, the show did a really good job portraying La Fayette. I have a lot of notes and screenshots because the show actually included a great number of sweet details. Therefore, I hope you are interested, because we are going into detail.

Franklin – Episode 1

There are two important things happening in this episode with regards to La Fayette: La Fayette’s first meeting with William Temple Franklin and their visit to the club.

The show naturally puts the two Franklins at the center of all the action and this is – with regards to La Fayette, one of the “problems” it suffers from. La Fayette’s departure for America and the whole politics behind it are oversimplified, the show omits his visit to his uncle-in-law in England and its also omits Silas Dean. Dean played a very important role in getting La Fayette to America – arguably more important than Franklin’s role and definitely more important than Temple’s role. La Fayette and Temple knew each other, they exchanged letters and these letters were polite and friendly, but there are none of these overenthusiastic declarations of love that we see in letters to his family, to Adrienne, to Washington or Hamilton for example. In fact, the first letter I could find between the two of them was written by La Fayette on September 14, 1779 – so long after La Fayette’s initial departure. As I already said, the letter is friendly, but not overly so. There might be other letters, that did not survive and many things could have happened, that can not be represented by letters and what is written in them – but I nevertheless think it is safe to assume that the show depicts a deeper friendship between them then there actually was.

With that out of the way, we meet La Fayette for the first time in de Vergenne’s anteroom where Temple is also currently waiting for an audience. When I was watching the show, especially in later episodes, I am not quite sure if it was made clear, that de Vergennes and La Fayette actually had a very warm relationship. Sure, de Vergennes sometimes needed to reign La Fayette in a bit but they were still very affectionate with each other. I saw their interaction in the show always as a mentor-son-thing or some friendly banter but I am not quite sure if you got the same impression when you have not read their letters for example.

Anyway, the real star of this scene was La Fayette’s uniform. This set probably won me over to watch Franklin – because the show actually managed to put La Fayette in the right uniform at the right time!

Here he is wearing the uniform of a Captain from the Noailles regiment. He joined the regiment in 1775 and his commission was a “wedding-gift” from his father-in-law who owned said regiment (although La Fayette had to wait until he turned eighteen to actually be commissioned a Captain). La Fayette wore this uniform in a painting by Louis-Léopold Boilly – although the painting was only done in 1788.

And of course, there was no way the show could do without a scene about La Fayette’s many first names.

I was baptized like a Spaniard. (…) But it was not my fault. And without pretending to deny myself the protection of Marie, Pauls, Joseph, Roch and Yves, I more often called upon Saint Gilbert.

Then we have this absolutely delicious scene of La Fayette dressing Temple up – something very much on brand. @my-deer-friend and I once had a conversation about La Fayette doing something along these lines with John Laurens as well if I am not mistaken.

Next we are taken to a club where La Fayette introduces Temple to his friend Ségur and de Noailles – I really liked it that they were included as well:

And in the course of the conversation there were many interesting aspects raised. For example, there is a reference to La Fayette’s “country-origins”, something that was perceived by his peers back then as way more significant, to the point where he was ridiculed for it, then we today might believe it to be. There was also a spotlight shown on La Fayette’s pursuit for glory and fame, a strong factor in the crafting in his public image and something that was very important for him. I made a post about this here.

We also have La Fayette express his distaste for the British and relay the story about his father’s death. And while I appreciate the background information and motivation, I think that “We hate British” is a bit of an oversimplification – as I said, La Fayette had recently visited his uncle by marriage in England, he was the French ambassador to the British court, and by his own accounts, La Fayette had a blast of a time while in England. I also would like to one day look a bit deeper into the connection La Fayette felt towards his father and his passing, because I believe that he might not have felt quite so strong about the matter.

Lastly, La Fayette comments about his distaste for court rituals. While this was his general opinion, there was one especially notable incident were he purposefully insulted the future Louis XVIII, younger brother of Louis XVI, in order to avoid an appointment to the royal household. I wrote about his little stunt here. He also mentioned that the King at the time, Louis XVI, had forbidden him to sail to America. The logical conclusion: La Fayette bought his own ship.

[theunderestimator-2]

“Oh, to be young. To still be one's own hero.” (David Guterson): the late Marilyn Dean & Kathy Valentine, drummer & guitarist of The Violators, Austin's 1st (?) punk band, here at Randy's Rodeo for The Sex Pistols show in San Antonio on Jan. 8, 1978, as captured by Tom McMahon.

austinchronicle.com/ :"When The Violators and the Skunks invade Raul's, fourteen days after the Sex Pistols break up and mainstream media declares punk dead, Austin's scene begins at a Tejano bar…", [before a crowd of no more than maybe 50 or 60, since a 100 was a big crowd at Raul's at those first shows.] "The Violators were very young kids," says [The Skunks'] Blackmon. "Marilyn was like 16, Kathy was 16, Carla was probably 21. Jesse was probably the best musician in that band, off the top of my head. Carla was good. They were just kids playing fast English punk music. Those were our influences at that time." "It was mainly people who didn't seem to know what to make of cute girls playing guitars and drums," remembers Valentine. "More than the music, it was the fact that we were female that they had no reference for. The only females in Austin doing this played fiddle – Marcia Ball was the only real musician in a band. Everybody else played fiddle or sang or were folk people." "…More than anything, it was the shock of the new. The Violators were mostly young, attractive women playing loud, fast, Sex Pistols-meets-Ramones punk. And they were doing this in a Tejano bar on the Drag, in a town musically ruled by Cosmic Cowboys and white bluesmen. Everything was changing. You either changed with it, or you opposed it. There was no room for the lukewarm…."

Marilyn & Kathy met in high school & quickly became best friends, the teen kind that does everything together: as Kathy Valentine recalls, they started bands, went to clubs, met boys and dreamt of big things in life, even moved out to LA together in 1978 but as it so often happens in life, they drifted apart after a falling out. Kathy later went on to play bass in The Go-Go's and sadly Marylin Dean passed away in recent years.

Photo & info via Tim Stegall's 'Austin Punk Chronicles' at austinchronicle.com.

(via, via & via)

[tomorrowusa]

MAGA is really just a variant of fascism. The racist anti-Latino orgy of ethno-nationalism at MSG on Sunday has removed all doubt.

Dean Obeidallah at SubStack walks us through it.

Here is a sample of the hate buffet served up to the cheering MAGA crowd. 1.        Anti-women: Donald Trump again called VP Harris a "very low IQ individual." Tucker Carlson said to cheers if Harris wins she will be “the first Samoan, Malaysian, low IQ former California prosecutor ever to be elected president.”  Grant Cardone, a businessman said VP Harris and “her pimp handlers will destroy our country,” obviously suggesting Harris is a  prostitute. -David Rem a person the campaign identified as a childhood friend of Trump, brandished a crucifix and called Vice President Kamala Harris “the antichrist” and “the devil” to huge applause. 2.        Anti-Black: -The rally played Confederate favorite “Dixie” before Black GOP Rep. Byron Donalds came out at Madison Square Garden. -“This cool Black guy with the thing on his head, what is that a lampshade? Believe this guy? Just kidding, that’s one of my buddies. He had a Halloween party last night. We had fun, we carved watermelons together,” said podcaster and alleged comedian Tony Hinchcliffe. 3.        Anti-Latino and anti-Migrant hate: -Referring to Latino migrants, radio host Sid Rosenberg declared to cheers that they are causing crime and that: “The fucking illegals, they get whatever they want, don’t they?!” -“I don’t know if you guys know this, but there’s literally a floating island of garbage in the middle of the ocean right now. I think it’s called Puerto Rico,” said Tony Hinchcliffe. -“These Latinos, they love making babies. Let’s know that they do. They do. There’s no pulling out. They cum inside. Just like they did to our country!’ again Hinchcliffe. 4.        Anti-Arab/Palestinian hate: -Rudy Giuliani declared: "The Palestinians are taught to kill us at two-years old. There may have good people. I'm sorry I don't take a risk with people who are taught to kill Americans at two." He then declared to big cheers, “I’m on the side of Israel…Donald Trump is on the side of Israel.” 5. Anti-Semitism: -“You also know the Jews having a hard time throwing out that paper, you know what I’m saying?’ Hinchcliffe stated while mimicking holding money, playing on anti-Semitic trope that Jews are cheap. Before this MAGA event, some invoked the hate-filled February 20, 1939 Nazi rally at MSG billed as a "Pro American Rally" which featured a huge image of George Washington in between swastikas. After Sunday’s Trump rally, that comparison was no longer speculative, it was 100% accurate.

Yes, they even played "Dixie" – the Confederate anthem.

This event was held at a large venue in America's media capital with the intent of exposing as many Americans as possible to their message. They are not trying to hide anything. They want to make sure every last nutcake hears their words.

As David Frum via Charlie Sykes on SubStack observed:

This rally seems aimed at the crucial bloc of swing voters who like Donald Trump but worry that maybe he's not quite stupid and obnoxious enough. They need him and his team to squeeze out of the tube that one last plop of stupidity and obnoxiousness.

The stupidest thing for us to do is to freak out. Michael Tomasky wrote an excellent piece in The New Republic.

If You’re Being Fatalistic or Panicking, You Are Helping Donald Trump

It's way easier to prevent dictators than it is to get rid of them once they're here. So quit doomscrolling and do stuff in real life to save a whole lot of work in the future.

Volunteer | Kamala Harris for President

[musclesandhammering]

Spn Opinions That’ll Have Me Burned at the Stake Pt. 2: Electric Boogaloo

I’m back and bitchier than ever. For reference, here’s part 1.

• Season 5 wasn’t that great.

• D*stiel isn’t real, it’s a sucky ship, and that confession scene was just the writers pandering to the rabid deancas fans cause they knew they were the only ones still watching the show lol. And they left it ambiguous enough that they could still say it was meant platonically if they needed to.

• I hate how they watered down both angels and demons post-season 5ish.

• I liked Ruby 1.0 better than Ruby 2.0.

• I hate Honey!Cas. They just did that cause they didn’t know where to take his story from there, needed him out of the way, and thought it would be funny. It was insulting.

• Jack should’ve been played by an actual child so everyone’s abuse of him would resonate with the audience for what it was (casual fans are brain dead and need to be spoon fed).

• Victor Henrikson deserved more time on the show.

• I said it in the last post, but Alex is way more interesting than Claire and should’ve been given the lead role in the wayward sisters storyline instead.

• Dean is canonically straight and for Christ sake if you guys wanted bi rep, there’s about a thousand other characters that are strongly coded or implied to be bisexual (including Sam!) but y’all didn’t focus on them because it wasn’t actually about representation, it was about making it more plausible for your dumb fetishised gay ship to actually happen (spoiler: it didn’t).

• Season 3 and Season 6 were some of the best ones, you guys just don’t have any taste.

• Claire is not Castiel’s daughter and saying she is erases Jimmy and insults her, and even Cas himself acknowledged that on the show.

• Castiel is canonically NOT gay and Misha constantly saying he is is annoying and airheaded. He’s been attracted to women IN THE SHOW and he’s not even really male, so calling him a Gay Man is reductive and just plain wrong. Also, it’s veeery sus that- given how bi/pan folks are even more underrepresented than gay people- that one of the rare times where the bi/pan label actually fits a character BETTER in CANON……. the allies and monosexuals adamantly reject it. Hm.

• “Curing” vampires or werewolves or demons shouldn’t have been a thing.

• The Winchesters cause most of the bad shit that happens and then they just force supernatural beings to fix it for them- tell me again how they’re Super Special Heroes.

• It shouldn’t be possible to make angels human by removing their grace, because (unlike demons, werewolves, etc) they were never human to start with. If you drained me of all my blood, I wouldn’t magically transform into another species, I’d fucking die.

• Making Billie go crazy was dumb.

• Rowena was one of the most interesting and charismatic characters on the whole show- they just didn’t know what to do with her character.

• The archangels, Lilith, and Azazel should’ve been the biggest threats on the show. No other knights of hell, no god and his sister, no Cain, nothing like that. Having every villain just get progressively more overpowered made the show unbelievable and repetitive and annoying.

• The kernel sanders king of hell guy was hot.

• Dean is misogynistic as HELL, homophobic, likes racist porn, is a narcissist, pervs on teen girls, & thinks all non-human people should be exterminated… and that is all CANON.

• Most of John Winchester’s abuse is fanon.

• Fans portraying Cas as a smol bby who colours in colouring books and has a bee plushie is so fucking annoying.

• Instead of having so many gigantic cosmic storylines with god and his sister and alternate dimensions and even the angel and demon tablets, they should’ve just scrapped those and made the stein family and the bmol and the alpha vampire storylines way bigger than they were. Less cosmic stuff, more earth-based stuff.

• They ruined Lucifer’s character post-season 5. Before that, he was more sympathetic and reasonable than Michael. After, he was a spoiled child hurting people for fun.

• Everything from season 7 on is garbage. All of it. There’s bits of goodness here and there but overall seasons 7-15 are trash.

• How the fuck are there actual people who are deangirls and hate Sam?? The space where your brain should be is empty, I swear to god.

• If there was gonna be any lgbt rep in the Wayward Sisters group, it should’ve been Jody and Donna instead of Claire and Kaia. Those two were boring as hell and had zero chemistry or build-up, but Jody/Donna had plenty of chemistry and was very believable.

• Meg has the best and most realistic redemption arc of anyone on the show.

• Chuck was not likeable or charismatic enough to carry off as big of a villain arc as they gave him. Also that whole thing was stupid and WAY too Out There.

• All the angels should’ve been aroace. All the demons should’ve been pan.

• I stanned Cole so hard up until he changed his mind about hating Dean. That was disappointing.

• Sam went through the same shitty childhood Dean did (plus Bonus Abuse on top of it) and he didn’t turn out Like That.

• I cannot think of a single person that was asking for a spin-off about the Winchester family, like that has to be the most boring thing.

[yetanothergreyjedi]

Left and Returned: Definitely Nothing Wrong

Ao3

Danny Phantom x Supernatural Crossover

Chapter 2

Dean orders the largest burger on the menu, Bobby orders something with potatoes that will absolutely have him commenting that he could make a better one himself. Sam orders a salad. Danny orders chocolate chip pancakes off the breakfast menu and Dean looses any reservations he had about refering to the young man as 'kid'. Realistically he's probably not much younger than Sam, but if he has a problem with it he can start acting like an adult.

No. Dean isn't huffy about the handstand thing. Why do you ask?

"So it's following you, but you haven't seen it. Like haven't seen it like, invisible or like being watched from afar or what?" Then again, the kid was asking good questions.

"Like its invisible, but can't hide its presence, realizes its making a mess then pisses off."

"Because its afraid of being noticed or because it doesn't want to do harm?"

"How am I supposed to know?"

"Vibes."

"Gut instinct," Sam adds, which makes more sense than 'vibes'.

"It shattered every window in the place. I don't think its scared."

"Fair."

"I know a psychic, a couple hours from here. Something this big, maybe she's heard the other side talking." Bobby suggested.

"Hell, yeah. Its worth a shot."

"A psychic..." Danny tapped the table, "Okay, sure. Why not?"

---

"What the hell is this?"

"An ipod jack... It's been my car for a year, Dean."

And what could he say to that? Instead Dean points sout the part that is far worse than douching up his car with modern niceties. "Its pink."

"Yeah... well, it's not mine, it's Jazz's. She left it in here and if I move it I'll forget to bring it back to her."

"Huh," Dean had no idea what he expected. Maybe some comment about how pink wasn't that bad? He turned the key and some girly romance song filled the compartment. "Really?"

Sam smiled a little at the song, and Dean hit pause on the device instead of throwing it into the back seat.

"Soo, she your girlfriend or what"

"That's complicated."

"Of course it is, the hunting making things weird?"

"No, actually. Her family hunts."

"But not her?"

"Only when necessary, she's in medical school."

"I'm, uh, noticing some parallels, Sammy."

Sam laughs. "Thats part of why its complicated."

"Just part, huh?"

"Yeah,"

"What about Ruby? She still around?"

"Probably. She shows up when she thinks she can make a case for wanting the greater good or whatever... there was a whole thing. When I was still convinced I could bring you back..." Sam trails off, clearly deciding how much to say. Sam had tried to bring him back?And failed? Did Bobby know about any of this? "That's done now.”

"Huh...You been using your freaky E.S.P. stuff?"

"Every time I think its behind me something weird happens."

"What?"

"It shows up at weird times, stressful situations. Afterwards its hard to tell if it was real or not."

"Sam..."

"I know, look, one thing at a time okay? We worry about this for now."

---

"I am curious... why aren't you doing this yourself?" Pamela asks Danny.

"You're a psychic?" Bobby asks.

"...I guess I could count? I tend to only talk to the dead when they're right in front of me."

This, of course, meant Pamela forgot she had been flirting in favor of talking shop with Danny. Which meant he didn't get a chance to chat with the lovely lady, instead got to listen to her quiz him on ‘'energies'' and 'conduits' and other psychic mumbo-jumbo. Like really, he just got outta jail, why can’t he enjoy it? It's probably for the best though, the kid, in his own words, "knew enough to do some incredibly stupid things." So, Dean figured letting Pamela explain the basics of a safe seance was probably saving someone a whole mess.

Not that he thought Danny would intentionally be stupid about it. They'd have done this four hours ago in the back of the kid's van, if he'd thought he could, and who knows how that would've ended.

He's less willing to accept it when Pam decides Danny should be the one touching Dean's shoulder.

"Jesus, kid! You been holding ice cubes?!"

"Don't judge my hobbies." Kid quips, settling his hand back over the handprint. "Just poor circulation, chillax."

Dean immediately regrets glancing at his brother. At least Sammy has the decency to stifle his smirk, but really, taking your not-actually-brother-in-law-because-its-complicated's side over your own flesh and blood: Rude! Just rude.

"Okay." Pam begins, her tone both sharp and comforting. The unspoken command is heard and they somber, close their eyes.

"I invoke, conjure, and command you, appear unto me before this circle." She begins, her voice clear and authoritative.

"I invoke, conjure, and command you, appear unto me before this circle." She repeats, energy runs between their circle linked hands. Dean couldn't let go even if he tried. What was this?

"I invoke, conjure, and command you, appear unto me before this circle." Something turns on, a television or a radio, Dean doesn't know. He's a link in a chain meant to bind, every sense is dull except the feeling of clasping hands and the brand on his shoulders. Accept the single sound that rings in perfect clarity.

"I invoke, conjure, and command... Castiel? No. Sorry, Castiel, I don't scare easy."

"Castiel?" Dean repeats, how he says it, he isn't quite sure, chainlinks don't have mouths.

"Its name. It's whispering to me, warning me to turn back."

"Warning, not threatening." Gasps the link that connects Pamela to this link. The static grows, the space beneath them shakes. The world itself wants to tear the links free from the chain, but they hold. Power runs freely between them, they are as much a conduit as they are a chain. They will not break, they cannot break, keeping hands linked is effortless.

"I conjure and command you, show me your face." Pamela chants. The cacophony around them grows louder and more hazy, her voice is clear through each repetition.

Another link says something. This link does not hear it.

"I almost got it. I command you, show me your face! Show me your face n—"

"No," The link between them breathes.

The link in the chain is a body. The body is Dean. The burn on Dean's shoulder ache's with the absence of a relieving cold removed.

Dean crashes backwards. The impact of his back on the floor knocks the wind from his lungs. Sound returns. Breaking glass and splintering furniture, someone is screaming. He gasps. Three, four, five breaths before he's aware of the broken chair beneath him. He grabs a leg of it, and holds it like a weapon as he scrambles to his feet.

Bobby has already gotten to Pamela, she's covering her face and muttering about sight. Dean catches a glimpse and turns to Danny as Bobby shouts to call 9-1-1.

He can hear Sam stumble over scattered items in the direction of the phone. He kneels in front of his brother's friend.

Danny's eyes are closed, but he has eyelids, so Dean thinks that's a good sign for now. Blood is gushing from the kid's nose.

"He's beautiful." The kid whispers, clearly dazed.

"You okay, kid?"

" 'm not'a kid, 'm 24, plus all that time that didn't happen, so I'm even older than I am."

"Right, Sammy's calling the 9-1-1, you're gonna be—"

Danny jerked away like someone had soaked their hands in ice water before grabbing his shoulder. "No hospitals."

Dean remembered that the kid was also a hunter, but a lot more vivid than that, was the image of Pam's eyes seared out. "Okay, okay, let me see your eyes, then we'll decide what to do."

Danny obeyed. He blinked his eyes open, and while bright green irises' surrounded with angry red lines, they were like, normal levels of bloodshot and not 'stared into eye gouging power' bloodshot. So that was good, better than Dean had hoped. "Okay, you come with us while Bobby handles the EMT's."

"Promise?"

"Yeah, promise."

Danny nods. "He's beautiful, Dean. Like something past hoping, like the things that live in the silver."

"Um." Dean regretted his choices.

"Neverborn and Neverdead for sure. But not the embodiment of a concept I dont think. Maybe something like a wisp? If wisps liked to burn your corneas off."

"I don't think it was a wisp, buddy."

"No, Castiel isn't a wisp name. Wisps have names like:" Danny whistled a few notes.

"Are you sure you don't need a hospital?"

He wiped his nose with his sleeve. This succeeded only in smearing the blood around his face and getting his sleeve dirty. . "Yeah'm sure. Don't ask me to do anything with depth perception though."

"Danny, I don't think—"

"You promised." And Dean had promised.

---

"What'd Bobby say?"

"Pam's stable. And out of I.C.U." Sam returned to their table.

"And blind, because of us."

"No, it looked a lot worse than it is, she should retain some eyesight, but we still have no clue who we're dealing with."

"We're dealing with Castiel." Danny muttered from where he was hiding his face from the "oppressive concept of LED lights". Dean was pretty sure the lights in here were normal, but he wasn't gonna argue with the kid who might be concussed about if the diner lights were a reasonable brightness.

"That doesn't exactly help us, though."

"Sure it does, With the right mumbo-jumbo we could summon him, bring him right to us."

"You're crazy. Absolutely not."

"We'll work him over. I mean, after what he did?"

"Pam took a peek at him and her eyes burned out of her skull, Danny's..." Sam looks at Danny, who may as well be a sweatshirt artfully arranged on the table. "You want to have a face to face?"

"You got a better idea?"

"Yeah, as a matter of fact I do. I looked, there are signs of Demons in town."

"Okay." Dean doesn't like where this is going, but he's aware of how strongly he doesn't want this to be a demonic plot, so he keeps his mouth shut.

"So, we go find them. Someone's gotta know something about something."

Dean opens his mouth, then shuts it again as the waitress approaches. Ah the awkward silence of 'don't freak out the locals.' They didn't have that in Hell, he doesn't miss it.

Three plates, each with a perfect slice of pie, makes their way to the table. They didn't have this in Hell either, this, Dean missed a lot. The sweatshirt on the table must agree, because it revives into a human person and pulls his plate to himself. It's the first thing the kid did since the seance that doesn't make Dean regret letting him skip the hospital.

Then, before Dean can dig into his own slice with the same intense focus, their waitress joins them at the table.

"You angling for a tip?"

"I'm sorry. Thought you were looking for us." She smiles as her eyes go absent of light. Then the man behind her does the same, then the cook in the kitchen. The front door locks with a resounding click.

"Oh, you will not." Danny hisses. And Dean tenses, for a moment, just a silly, ridiculous moment, he thought the kid was going to throw himself across the table, attack the demon with tooth and claw. Dean tenses, ready to drag the kid off the demon, because not even it deserves his full wrath. But Danny doesn't move, because that would be insane. The kid is not that insane, Dean has seen 0 behavior that would make him expect such a ridiculous action.

The demon locks eyes with the kid, several seconds pass, then moment is gone, and only Danny's half-given threat hangs in the air. The kid goes back to his pie. The demon turns to Dean as if nothing had happened.

"Dean. To hell and back. Aren't you a lucky duck." She tries to play it cool, to pretend that she wasn't just as rattled by... whatever Danny had done— and rest assured Dean will find out what that was— but she was rattled, and the threat of her backup did nothing to help her regain control.

She tells him nothing they didn't already know. Dean tells her nothing she didn't already know. Dean doesn't bluff, because for some reason they don't need to bluff. They finish their pie, pay and leave.

A block down the road, when the feeling of being watched by a predator fades, he turns to the kid.

"What. Was. That?"

"Uh... the demons? I thought you guys dealt with those semi-regularly?"

"No. What you did."

"Ate pie?" Dean pushes the kid against the wall.

"Dean, what's going on?"

"You're telling me you didn't feel that, Sammy?!"

"Feel what?"

Dean searched his brother's face, it was pure worry not a trace that he was hiding something. Danny however, held not a trace of concern, not even the slightest fear that Dean might hit him. Cold blue eyes watch him with morbid detachment.

"Dean, what is it?"

"Nothing." Dean lies. Releasing the kid as his brother tried to pry answers out of him.

There is something wrong with Danny, and Dean is going to figure out what.

---

Dean's plans for investigation are stalled slightly. Because Danny's plan, apparently, was to sleep in the back of his van. As the kid still looked like a walking corpse, and his nose had started bleeding again, Sam had taken pity and insisted he stay in the motel with them.

Dean, now half convinced Danny was in league with the demons from earlier, (yeah the theory didn't make sense but Dean didn't have a better idea at the moment. It had been a long day.) was not thrilled with this plan. Did he have an argument that would stop Sam from being protective of his girlfriend's little brother? No. No, he did not. And to be fair, the kid did pass out the instant his head hit the pillow, so he probably wasn't an immediate threat.

Dean took the other bed so Sam would have to live with the consequences of his actions. He falls asleep thinking of jokes to make for either sleeping arrangement his brother chooses.

---

Dean is shaken awake. He swings the moment he realizes the dark figure is too short to be Sam.

Danny blocks him easily. He grabs Dean's arm to pin him for exactly the time it takes to look him in the eyes and say. "He's here. Castiel's here."

Then he lets him go, but Dean is still frozen, still pinned by the younger man's gaze. Green eyes almost glow in the beam of an outside streetlamp. It is not the same as a shapeshifter's ‘lazer-eyes'

but it is something.

But there's no time to think about it, the television flicks on with familiar static and the radio follows. There is too much glass in here. Between windows and mirrors and why on earth did they choose a motel with a mirror on the ceiling when the thing chasing them shattered glass? He shouts a warning and barely has enough time to throw the comforter over them both before the world explodes.

They huddle between the beds in a haphazard blanket fort that does nothing to stop the whistling scream. It feels too thin to be real protection against the glass either, but it holds, and the kid's eyes are definitely glowing but it's the least of his concerns.

It's not so different from hell. The noise, the danger, the cramping in his muscles as he tries in vain to protect himself. He can't tell the difference between a few seconds and a few centuries. But he's breathing, so he counts his breaths and loses count twice.

Neither of them move the blanket when things seem to calm. Another century that is actually six breaths, and Bobby is rushing through the door, shouting for them.

The glass heavy blanket is pulled away and then they're both being checked over.

"Where's Sam?" Dean demands.

"I don't know, he wasn't here when I woke." Its probably stupid, but Dean believes him.

They have no new cuts or bruises, though Danny's ears are bleeding a little.

They have the hospital argument again, Danny is feeling better(or worse) than before, because he threatens to spit on all of their socks. When that doesn't work, he threatens to not tell them what Castiel said. That does work.

"He says to meet him at the church on south street. He didn't give a time, but he promised he'd be in a form we can handle."

Bobby and Dean share a look, yeah, they're not doing that.

But the idea that it could be a trap seems foreign to the younger hunter. Danny argues that the spirit might be offended and that "A summoning might cause him to lose concrete form, then we'll just repeat the glass nightmare."

Well that was a good point: building with no windows it was then.

Needless to say Danny loses this argument.

---

So Sam is lying to him, they're in some old building marking it up with every religion known to man and Danny's claimed a whole section of wall for the doodles not known to man. Bobby gets sidetracked by it every fifteen minutes, but Danny must have credible sources for the marks because Bobby tells the kid to copy them down for later study.

Dean really needs to decide what to do about the kid. He's been helpful so far... but that was how things started with Ruby.

"This is still a bad idea." Bobby tells him. They're ready.

"I second!" Danny shouts from where he's copying his symbols into Bobby's notebook.

"Yeah, Bobby, I heard you the first ten times. What do you say we ring the dinner bell?"

Bobby sighs, but begins.

---

Castiel tries to knock the kid out, just like he already did to Bobby. It takes everything in Dean to not panic.

"Yeah, no. Not doing that." Danny deadpans to the man-shaped thing.

"I need to talk to Dean. Alone."

"Well, you could've just asked. Going all sleepy magic on a guy is kinda rude. Dean? Want me to sit in the car?"

"Are you nuts?!" He checked Bobby's pulse.

"Your friend's alive." Bobby's pulse is even and strong.

"Who are you?"

"Castiel." "He's Castiel." Both human shaped things say. This conversation was going to be painful.

"Obviously, I mean what are you?"

"I'm an Angel of the Lord."

"Which Lord?" Danny asks before Dean can say something dumb like 'nun-uh.' Danny's question definitely offends Castiel more than any denial Dean could've come up with. The guy actually staggers a bit.

"The One True God."

"You realize like 40% of the gods I've met say that, right?" What? And with that the kid has rendered the angel speechless with indignation, Dean's not gonna lie, he's kinda impressed.

"Quit pulling our legs, angel's aren't real."

"Dean, this is your problem, you have no faith."

Dean's not sure how to describe the fact that he was suddenly aware of Castiel's wings. Not that he saw them exactly, or felt, or heard them, he just suddenly knew where they were, how they unfurled from Castiel's body and were held out in proud display. Then the moment passed and they were gone.

Danny clapped politely. It ruined the rising feel of awe inspired dread and Dean hated how much he was starting to like this kid.

"You burned out that poor woman's eyes." Dean started. He wasn't letting this guy off the hook so easy.

[cosmic60s]

I’ve been thinking so much about this specific scene from The Caddy (1953).

I couldn’t find an isolated clip, but the timestamp here is roughly 41:17 - 44:15. It’s the scene where Harvey (Jerry) sets up a little celebration for Joe (Dean) after he wins a golf tournament.

First, we see the sign on the door reading “Welcome Home Champ,” which Harvey has clearly handmade himself, giving the first hint of what he feels toward Joe. Joe questions, “I wonder who that’s for,” which could be interpreted a few different ways. Maybe nobody in his life has shown him this level of care and effort before, to the point that he is genuinely taken aback when he gets to the door. Maybe he doesn’t realize how important he is in Harvey’s life and doesn’t think what he’s doing is worthy of any recognition.

Next, he enters the room and we see Harvey. Again, in this scene Jerry is in the familiar trope of playing the “woman” in the relationship. Throughout their filmography and television appearances, Jerry’s characters often serve to reinforce Dean’s masculinity as he plays roles that can very easily be read as feminine and/or queer. In this instance, I am referring to queer as not only relating to gender and sexuality, but ways of existence which fall outside of conformity. The nature of their partnership, both in their act and in real life, is rather unconventional when we consider other male comedy duos of their era. The love and admiration they shared for one another (particularly Jerry to Dean) couldn’t be contained. We can think of other teams such as Laurel & Hardy, Abbott & Costello, and Hope & Crosby. In many cases, these men either couldn’t stand each other in real life or were strictly business partners. We can begin to understand how much of an anomaly the Martin & Lewis relationship was. Particularly in the case of Bob Hope and Bing Crosby, their films have many scenes with queer implications and ambiguous subtext. However, it is always played more for a laugh and the sheer “shock value” at the very suggestion of homosexuality. I never find this to be the case with Dean and Jerry, as scenes of the same nature often feel more innocent or less derogatory.

Back to the film! When Joe enters the room he shares with Harvey, we see the depiction of a very domestic scene. Harvey is acting as the devoted housewife, dutifully preparing dinner for the two of them with a recipe he learned from Joe’s mother. A little while later, he also remarks “I got the wide noodles you like so well!” This suggests he has gotten to know Joe well enough and has paid enough attention to his preferences that he can invest time and effort into making this a special celebration for Joe. Furthermore, he is even wearing an apron, which can be read as another attribute of a housewife (think of the scene in Rebel Without a Cause when Jim Stark catches his father wearing an apron and performing domestic duties for his mother). Again, this reads as a scene between a husband and wife, and almost could have been plucked out of any 1950s sitcom.

Harvey also has a few gifts for Joe. The first one is a hat which belonged to Harvey’s father, who was a very important figure in his life. We can begin to think about the significance of Harvey gifting Joe such an intimate and personal gift. In the film, it is well established how Harvey reveres his father, and now he is sharing his memory with Joe. In this sequence, Harvey can hardly contain his excitement as Joe opens it and his anticipation is very clear. When Joe tries the hat on and realizes it is too big, Harvey is initially bashful and embarrassed, almost as if he is expecting to be ridiculed. However, Joe seemingly understands the emotional weight of a gift like this along with the significance it carries for Harvey (although he doesn’t let his emotions show, much like Dean himself). In that moment, it is not about gifting Joe a brand new hat that was tailored perfectly for him. If Harvey wanted to do that, he would have. Rather, gifting Joe his dad’s hat was about Harvey giving Joe a piece of himself. Similarly, the next gift Harvey has ready for Joe is a trophy that his father won at an important golf tournament, reflecting the same sentimentality of the hat.

Seemingly, Harvey has set up a party just for the two of them which is an intimate gesture (literally a candlelit dinner, lol). He remarks, “A man that’s under pressure should have things he likes!” This tells us that Harvey wants Joe to succeed and is carefully considering his health and well-being. Then, while discussing the end of the evening he has planned and the ice cream they will have for dessert, Harvey says “…and we’ll hit the sack.” Interestingly enough, there is only one bed visible in the room they share.

Once Harvey learns that Joe will be going out to a party with a woman rather than staying for the dinner he planned, he expresses hurt and concern. He pleads with Joe to stay before finally acquiescing and agreeing upon a curfew of 11 PM. While Harvey tries to mask his emotions in this situation, it is still very clear to the audience. As he straightens Joe’s tie, he attempts to downplay the effort he clearly put in to set up the dinner. At last, as Joe leaves, Harvey takes the sign off the door and blows out the candle on the table, seemingly losing all interest in what he had prepared for the evening once Joe was no longer there to share it with him. I think this scene also speaks to Jerry’s incredible talent for more serious, emotional scenes.

Well, this turned out a lot longer than I expected. As I said, I have not been able to stop thinking about this scene for a few days and keep rewatching it. Maybe I read way too much into this scene that’s barely three minutes long, maybe it’s not that serious at all, but I had a lot of fun analyzing it and putting some of my thoughts into words. While I’m an undergraduate student, I certainly don’t consider myself a writer so I apologize if this is a bit jumbled. Thank you for reading :)

[woundlingus]

Colour Grading, Insincerity, and Loki is right and Gabriel is wrong; a Lokiel Meta

It’s the big gun, it’s the mother lode of me ripping apart Unfinished Business frame by frame to feed my shipping and laying out all my thoughts on the matter clearly as can be so maybe I can sway some people sitting on the fence or at least give some context to those who see my posts and go “wtf” because they’re not viewing this through the lens of my insanity. Want to know why these guys haunt me? Here;

Credit where credit is due, the one thing I’ve always really liked about supernatural is how they use colour grading to tell the story, and it’s not really all that secretive that the Gabriel episodes look aesthetically like some of the best episodes because they colour them very specifically to set the tone for them;

Fun

Nonsensical

Insincere

The three big tells that something trickster is afoot in the episode, (and I apologise for the scuffed quality on some of these, I’m skating the tumblr upload rules).

(Tall Tales 2x15)

(Mystery spot 3x11)

(Changing Channels 5x08)

It tells us that whatever is currently happening typically feels very real to those experiencing it, but is actually not at all. This is make believe. It’s a figment of Gabriel’s imagination that he’s whipped up at his own convenience to tell the story he wishes to impart upon the narrative. While this is obvious in the earlier season when they’re still shooting on film and using the dark overlays to create a spooky ambiance, it still follows through to the end for Gabriel until he puts down the trickster label and picks back up the archangel one and officially joins the Winchesters bringing him into the same dark coloured world that we’re used to viewing. There’s a sadness in it, that Gabriel went from all these bright colours to essentially having his spirit snuffed out by Asmodeus, but it gives us a very clear point to reference when things are real and when they’re make believe.

Obviously Gabriel is a liar, we’ve all known that to be true since his very first appearance- but there’s one incident that I talk about often that bothers me deeply but I’ve never really explained why.

The hotel with the rest of the trickster gang.

Gabriel tells this story three times in a pretty short time span- short enough for Dean to remember and call him out on it in the moment, and every time he tells it the story is altered ever so slightly.

I was alone with porn stars in Monte Carlo

I was alone with Loki and Co in Monte Carlo

I was with porn stars AND Loki n Co in Monte Carlo

He’s always been a very unreliable narrator, but this one was particularly on the nose and when it comes to “continuity errors” Gabriel is always aware of them, he does it on purpose because he wants to get caught. We should ask the question, why did it take you three attempts for us to hear this?

He tells his final iteration of the story in grand bright colours, telling feats of his sexual exploits and how good he is at cards, “and then everyone clapped and cheered for me” and then Loki Judas betrays him because Gabriel is so cool and his brothers are so tough and Loki was scared witless and hoping to avoid bloodshed blah blah blah…

Here’s what the real world looks like in comparison to Gabriel’s little fantasy he’s got running here-

This matches the rest of supernatural, this is a realistic portrayal of events through the eyes of Sam and Dean. This is the bitter reality Gabriel is avoiding with his fantastical little displays; he’s a broken little man who is hurt, injured, and scared.

So, Loki tells another variation of this story, yes? Gabriel was the betrayer here, not Loki. Gabriel ran out recklessly and while passing world saving information to the Winchesters, both saving the world AND the vast majority of Loki’s family, he cannot convince Odin to leave and he dies in battle (and like, he would’ve gone to Valhalla can we just unclench a little?). That is why Loki chooses to damn Gabriel to Hell with a very reckless move to attempt to take down an archangel, sell him to a demon, and then cross his fingers and pray his bestie- the 6th most powerful thing in all of creation ever- doesn’t break free from this pitiful demon eventually and come looking for him. But the environment tells another story, look;

It’s the return of the high vibrancy filter, because this room isn’t real, Loki isn’t real, and neither is the story he’s telling. What are the tricksters, if not liars and showboats?

There’s a huge lack in vulnerability which is what they’re both trying to paint over in these scenes to make themselves cool, to make themselves the victim, to make themselves untouchable. Loki tells a half cocked story about the archangel bastard who took his father, completely detached from any real sort of attachment to Gabriel or Odin- even says himself that he hates Odin! And in a story where we know the ending is Gabriel at the hands of Asmodeus he spends ninety nine percent of the story talking about pornstars. They cannot be vulnerable with these outsiders watching them, they also don’t seem to want to admit to themselves what the crux of the issue is here.

They both want to be the ultimate victim of the situation, they’re painting these half done stories trying to convince an audience (Sam and Dean) that doesn’t care that they are right and the other is wrong—

Until they meet each other;

You can lie to everyone, but you can’t lie to yourself.

We’re back, grounded in reality in this moment when they come face to face with each other, the lighting darkens and becomes gritty once more meaning all facades are down and what’s transpiring here between them is without tricks, and there’s an honor in that when it is a battle between two very clever tricksters who could make this endlessly complicated if they wanted to. When they fight, Gabriel is next to silent (listening, or trauma response? You can decide) and Loki does all his talking for Gabriel and Gabriel alone. They have no one to impress here, they sent the Winchesters on a fools errand to have this moment alone creating a tense intimacy where Loki shreds Gabriel’s facades and calls him out for what he truly is and lays out his deep rooted fears and secrets bare, letting us as the outside party they’re unaware of know that what the two of them were here wasn’t some ordinary friendship or half cocked deal out of desperation, but a real and honest bond between two beings terrified, alone, and looking for safety and someone to confide in. They’re each others secret keepers. Long time confidants. Their most trusted. The reason both of them ran to begin with, in a plan that would involve them wrapping themselves so tightly around the other they’d become one in all ways but physical, and promise to keep each other and that secret until death do them part.

It is bloody, and messy, and Loki has no real way of winning this fight because he cannot hurt Gabriel in any way that matters because he’s an archangel and whether he takes damage or not he will live because of the way he was made, only one of them is killable here and only one of them has any intention of killing the other and it’s not Loki. It’s never been Loki. Ever faithful Loki.

They made a vow, and maybe it was childish and unrealistic but that’s what the two of them are by nature are they not? Fickle, childish, and endlessly devoted. To their families, to their lovers, to their fathers, to each other.

Loki should run at this point, if he has any intention of wanting to live. He’s not stupid, he knows Gabriel better than anyone else in the world and Gabriel acknowledges this by how hurt he is emotionally by the way Loki talks about him and the secrets they’ve passed over the thousands of years they’ve known one another. He’s smart enough to know sentiment won’t save him here, it didn’t save his sons, Sleipnir tried that already and it failed spectacularly. Gabriel is here to kill him, and when you take into consideration the wild power imbalance here in this battle what Loki is doing is essentially laying his head down on the chopping block for Gabriel. He’s a smart creature to survive this long, he could be gone if he really wanted to be just like the many times we watched Gabriel disappear.

He doesn’t.

To me, the crux of their story here is abandonment. You left me. Gabriel made the choice to break his vows, and chase after a family he left behind and even though YES it was for a noble reason that is still nothing when it was a personal stab in the back to Loki who also left his family behind to run away with Gabriel and didn’t go for Odin even though the call was put out to Loki to join the gods for the evening.

Loki didn’t go for his family, but Gabriel did.

Loki didn’t go to save his father in an event they were both invited to, Loki had the opportunity to go and save Odin and he chose his bond to Gabriel over saving him. Gabriel discarded his vow and went anyway, and Odin died.

Gabriel betrays Loki, and it’s not that Odin died, it’s that Loki was willing to sacrifice the opportunity to save him and Gabriel couldn’t say the same for his own family. Odin died for nothing, when Loki could’ve been there the whole time to come get him, and he was robbed of that opportunity while Gabriel went behind his back to do exactly that for his family.

Loki was faithful to his own detriment, and Gabriel was not.

Gabriel is punished fairly in Loki’s eyes because this isn’t just about some deadbeat dad (who chained Loki in a cave to torture him). This is a slight of a much more intimate nature. This was a betrayal of the worst kind.

Gabriel is unfaithful.

Everyone knows that Asmodeus is the demon Prince of lust, but in a little more detail that’s not entirely what makes him up. The cardinal sins are the worst because they are what you inflict upon others, an upon your very soul. Lust is something inherent to the condition of just being alive, but the sin is in the act of hurting others and yourself, so the vast majority of what Asmodeus is imagined ruling over is the adulterer, he is most often the one depicted punishing the unfaithful. Loki wasn’t just looking for a way to hurt Gabriel for the sake of inflicting pain, the trickster is never like that. The trickster doesn’t strike just to maim. Loki is sending a very explicit message to Gabriel by giving him to Asmodeus of all people;

“You were unfaithful.”

— Okay, maybe it’s wrong to say that Loki had every right to do what he did because it was definitely still A LOT to do to someone, but it’s far more understandable when the emotional weight of Gabriel’s crime is made clearer. You probably shouldn’t torture anyone ever for any reason— I’m avidly anti-torture— but dick move Gabriel…

And look, yeah they both sleep around and invite porn stars and hookers to the hotel rooms and what not and I certainly will not hang my ‘Gabriel is a bad person here’ hat on the human morality of monogamy because I think it’s shallow and a disservice to the kind of bond the two of them actually have, but there’s an extra added pain in it that Gabriel also turns up for his ex girlfriend in this situation who is willing to betray him for basically a can of pop but not for Loki who will let Odin die to protect Gabriel.

Gabriel comes back, and he offers no apologies because he isn’t capable of learning his lesson, he is selfish by nature (Also the inherent message of the nature of Hell and torture being one that is wholly unnecessary and cruel, punishment never breeds change internal or societal, you can’t change and reform under immense duress it just further traumatises and keeps you locked in the cycle, the system of Hell shouldn’t exist period). Instead, Gabriel comes to kill Loki’s boys so he can watch them struggle and die first before Gabriel delivers the final blow to the man himself. Would you want to live after all of that either, entirely alone without your family or the one who loved and understood you the most- or so you thought?

And could Gabriel live with it either, knowing the punishment didn’t fit the crime but that Loki had a point (see script) and he wasn’t innocent either and it’s cost him everything because now he gets to look at what it was he saved and it’s a brother who seeks him out in the dark just to torment him about his abuse?

And the story ends circular here, devastating me personally even further by twisting the knife.

Gabriel ran away because his family was so horribly broken, and Loki took off with him to escape his torture. Together they made the plan to become one and Gabriel could use Loki’s face and name to hide among the pagans, and his archangel might to take all the hits being thrown Loki’s way and keep him hidden, because no one’s going to fuck with the god who has the freaky new upgrade and just escaped the slammer. Slowly over time what was Gabriel and what was Loki had melded into two very similar personalities, a little different based on their life experiences, but still so the same they were indistinguishable to everyone but each other.

The core difference between them is their life experiences.

Until Gabriel comes back, tail between his knees and asks Loki to please take him back and let him resume playing the ‘Loki’ character, and Loki says sure, and he binds him and and subjects him to torture at the hands of Gabriel’s very own snake in the cave. Mouth stitched shut. “Be me, then,” He says. “Be me in my entirety.”

And Gabriel comes back after this, bitter and angry and he picks up a weapon and he starts knocking Loki’s family down piece by piece, stalking them through the night no matter how far they run, to make sure Loki’s family is as broken as his own before he delivers the final blow to end his life.

Loki’s family as shattered as Gabriel’s, Gabriel as shattered as Loki himself. Fully one in death.