#like. now i know theres probably a REASON behind my issues

[senseiwu]

Me last year: wow! I can relate a lot to this guy in ways I haven't with other characters! :) this is nice! :)

Me now: ...oh.

[hannieehaee]

18+ / mdi

content: bickering, some modern family references (just names n stuff), smut, penetrative sex, f reader, riding, tit play (??) idk he just likes ur tits, etc.

a/n: this is kinda meant to be a modern family au based on haley and andy's first meeting so theres some references to the show (just fyi) except this ends as smut 🫡 can also be read as nanny!seokmin and richbrat!you tho

wc: 1370

masterlist

modern family au where you, ditzy and careless granddaughter of rich business owner, incidentally meet your family's new manny!seokmin while sneaking into your grandfather's house for some alone time by the pool. you grab a few beers, knowing your grandfather and his wife probably wont be back for a while when you hear someone clear their throat behind you. startled, you drop the glass bottles on the floor and turn around to see who the hell is in your supposedly-empty grandfather's house.

you're taken aback as soon as you meet his eyes. pretty boy your age in what's supposed to be a place only your family had access to ? you wont complain, but you're still pretty bummed about the wasted beer.

the first words out of his mouth are to scold you. great. yet another person to get in your way just when you're re trying to relax away from your overbearing family. but wait, you think, you still have no idea who this man is.

"who are you?", you question as he leans over to clean up the bottles you had broken (the bottles he broke, if anyone asked you).

"no. who are you?", he gives as rebuttal. "mr pritchet didnt say anyone would be here today. are you alex or __?" he says, cutely tilting his head to the side like a confused puppy, making your heart melt role your eyes.

"im alex," you lie, knowing your sister wouldnt get in trouble for this anyways. "now my question."

"i'm your grandfather's new manny," he replies with a boyish smile, stretching his free hand towards you.

"you're not manny. i know manny and you look nothing like him," you say frowning, knowing this is totally not your uncle manny.

"oh, you're __. i'm seokmin. the new male nanny," he says in a tone that makes you think he mightve meant it as an insult .. you choose to ignore it, instead looking at his arms as he continues to wipe the broken glass. why hadnt you noticed his arms earlier ?

"i'm sorry, but im gonna have to tell your grandfather that you broke glass near the pool," he interrupts your thoughts as he finishes picking up the broken glass.

fuck. you just got out of being grounded, you cant have your mom know you snuck into your grandpa's house again, specially for day-drinking (you're over 21 now, whats the big issue?!).

you panic, so you go for the first thing that comes to mind.

"do you really have to do that, seokmin?", you flutter your lashes at him, untying the top of your bathing suit cover and pushing up your barely-covered tits for him to see.

he looks down, momentarily forgetting what he was talking about, but quickly looks back up. "thats not gonna work, your grandparents warned me about you," he says as he looks away from your chest.

he already bit the hook. there's really nothing to lose now.

you take slow steps towards him, making sure to sway your hips as you do so, placing your hands on his shoulders as soon as you're close enough. "listen. this can stay between us, right? you've already cleaned everything up. there's no reason we need to waste our time in telling him how you caught me off guard and made me drop the glass, is there?", you rub your hands up and down his chest, slowly unbuttoning his shirt while he stands still, letting you continue your actions.

"m-me?! y-YOU broke it! you're not even supposed to be h-" he cuts himself off when you get tired of his talking and decide to just rip the rest of the buttons off.

"listen to me, seokmin. we can waste the next hour arguing about who did what while we wait for my grandpa to get here," you start pressing your mouth to his ear, almost giving him the attention he really wants, but not fully. "or we could go to the guest room and i could give you a little something in return for your silence. wouldn't that be more fun?"

with one more look from him, you find yourself moments later sitting atop him in one of the mansion's guest rooms, bouncing on top of him with your back facing his chest. his eyes were glued to your ass, with his hands groping your hips tightly as he furrowed his eyebrows in pleasure. never would he have expected that the airheaded girl his new employers warned him about would be this pretty and feel this good wrapped around him.

"fuck," he exhales, rubbing his hands up and down your back, ultimately landing on your ass, melding his hands unto the soft skin. "b-baby fuck. slow down."

"but minnie .. my grandparents could be back any second. besides, you're doing me a favour. it'd be mean of me to not make it up to you, wouldnt it?", you put on a sweet voice for him as you bounce faster, also wanting to reach your high as the pretty boy impaled you.

frustrated at not being able to see you, he uses those beefy arms you were eyeing earlier to lift you up and turn you around on top of him, now looking into your eyes as you held onto his shoulders for support. looking at his pretty eyes staring up at you with softness despite the lewdness of the act made you feel crazy. feeling addicted to the way he looked at you, you decided to give him a show.

"fuck, minnie. feel so fucking good," you moaned, dragging your hands up to your tits to play with them, rubbing your nipples in a way that had you rolling your eyes back. "dont you wanna help me, minnie? be a good boy and put your hands on me."

he whined at your words, sitting up a bit and replacing your hands with his. pinching at your nipples, he made you cry out loud and rub yourself even harder, now catching an angle that allowed your clit to rub against him. feeling drunk on your enthusiasm, he moved one of his hands to your hip in order to guide you, moving his mouth to bite and lick at your nipples, making you roll your eyes back.

both your ends approached, now with you maniacally bouncing on him while his mouth stayed stuck to your chest, alternating breasts to suck and whine into. feeling completely cock drunk, you increased the intensity of your movements, leading yourself into a mind-blowing orgasm with him following soon after, his moans muffled by your chest.

you spent the next five minutes softly cleaning each other up and getting rid of the evidence (dirty sheets, condom, etc) before anyone arrived home, all while shyly exchanging glances at each other. it was unlike you to feel shy when interacting with a guy (i mean, you did just seduce your grandparents new nanny within minutes of knowing him), but there was something about his good-boy attitude and soft demeanor towards you that just drew you to him. that, and how easy on the eyes he was.

your thoughts were promptly interrupted by him quietly speaking up "listen, i know i'm probably overstepping and just embarrassing myself by saying this but, i kind of uh. i kind of felt a connection there. i think you mightve even felt it too? would you like to maybe see where this goes? i could take you out, or if not we could start off as friends too, you know? or maybe this again? wait, no. i'm not suggesting that you should uh- but if you want to! i mean, whatever you want! it's just tha-" he continues to ramble, clearly losing track of what his original question was.

just like him, you interrupt his monologue by grabbing onto his face, making him stop mid sentence and look at you. "yes," you giggle. "we can go out seokmin. i'll know where to find you," and with that, you leave him with a peck and a wink as you exit the room, successfully leaving the house before anyone arrived, knowing you'd be coming back whenever possible to get some alone time with your grandparents' pretty manny you were now planning to make yours.

[roseworth]

okay id like to say im sorry in advance for this but i want to talk about my headcanon of rose having a glass eye.

first of all i have canon basis for this since in deathstroke inc #1 there was a flashback to her cutting her eye out. but she still has two eyes. probably not intentional but idc im taking it as true.

now i think she would have 3 reasons for using a glass eye: number one being that its a very clear blindspot and a weakness that can be exploited, and she doesnt like showing any weak spots so she finds a way to cover it up. number two is that she doesnt want to be like deathstroke, and having white hair and an eyepatch is basically an immediate deathstroke identifier.

however i can argue against both of those reasons (her blind eye isnt a blind spot because of her precog + enhanced senses, and if she didnt want to be clocked as deathstroke adjacent the first step would be taking off his mask rather than getting a new eye) SO. my third & favorite reason is that shes trying to extend an olive branch to slade. she doesnt want to address the things that hes done to her and shes still desperate for a family, so she gets a fake eye so that slade can look at her without remembering their past. shes trying to bury everything that happened as far down as she can because its easier for her to pretend that it didnt than to acknowledge that it did. and she wants a family bad enough that shes willing to try to forget everything

but im also gonna take that a step further and say that SLADE was the one that gave her the glass eye. hes also trying to cover up the past, and doesnt want to think about the shitty things hes done, so he gives her a glass eye because he thinks that'll make her forgive him. hes not changing what hes doing now and hes not apologizing for what happened before, but hes trying to get both of them to leave it behind. and since a glass eye is the only gift that her father gives her, rose takes it and uses it because she takes anything that slade deigns to give her.

and another reason that fucks me up is because theres a line about slade that says something along the lines of "he has a clear blind spot, but hes good enough that he projects that weakness and still wins." (and i wish i could fucking remember what issue thats from. i promise ill come back here and add a screenshot if i remember) SO part of him giving her a glass eye is him not believing that shes good enough to project weakness. which i think would fuck her up given that all she wants is his approval

anyways thats my pitch for why i believe shes secretly had a glass eye this whole time. i dont think she would've told anyone because she KNOWS that having a fake eye that her dad gave her to put a bandaid over the past is bad for her. but she will take what he gives her and implant it into her skull since its a tangible representation of her fathers attention

[cherris-hideout]

I am going to die (as if I wasn't an immortal, night-stalking specimen)

Okay, I might regret putting this on here later but right now I could care less.

Theres this teacher at my school and he's honestly so fine. Maybe it's just my obvious father-issues, but I'm like a little too obsessed with him. Not in a weird stalker way though, like I swear I'm not a stalker! Do I even have him as a teacher in any subjects? No! I just happen to know an alarming amount of things about him and my brain stops working when he's in my line of sight. Me personally, I would just call that doing research, considering he's quite well-known in the town I live in and there's just a bunch of information about him on the web.

Obviously, I've made a fool out of myself infront of this teacher too many times. Many of the times I wasn't even aware that he was like right behind me when I said outrageous stuff. One time at school I was discussing music with my friend (specifically hard rock) and I just get this wonderful idea for a joke. So, I look them dead in the eye, raise my eyebrow humorously and say: "Hard rock or hard as a rock? Well, I'm both."

After telling my amazing joke, I turn around and the teacher is right there. He looked confused, like extremely confused. His confusion probably had something to do with the fact that he's genuinely like 60 years old. The embarrassment is real.

Alright, the main reason for this blog post was so that I could tell you about what happened yesterday.

I was out with my two of my friends, Will and Percy. We're walking somewhere relatively close to my house and we see a car on the road heading the opposite direction that we are. I take a look at the vehicle and I realize: "Shit, is that his car?" The car passes us and I kinda quickly glance at it. I see an arm for like a split second and go: "Fuck, that is him!" I still don't know how I clocked that so quickly. Not to mention this was the second time I had recognized him by an arm. All I can think of right now is what the hell he was doing on this side of town?

The worst thing about this is I have to talk to him due to an assignment. It was fine when he didn't know I existed, now that he does know I exist though...

I can't deal with this, Monday is gonna be so awkward.

[pansy-picnics]

HE'S BEEN GASLIGHTED, HE LOVES LANCE NOW. I WOULD NEVER FAIL HIM

LANCE IS A COMPLICATED CHARACTER JUST LIKE EUGENE AND I NEED PEOPLE TO TALK ABOUT HIS DYNAMICS WITH OTHER CHARACTERS LIKE ANGRY AND CATALINA BECAUSE OMG I CANNOT THINK OF A CARTOON THAT WROTE ABOUT A PROBABLY QUEER BLACK MAN ADOPTING AN ASIAN DAUGHTER AND A DAUGHTER THAT'S. WHATEVER TEH FUCK CATALINA HAS GOING ON. BUT HE'S SO SPECIAL??? HE'S AMAZING??? ALSO THE FACT THAT TEENAGERS ARE VERY RARELY ADOPTED AND HE SAID FUCK THIS AND TOOK THEM IN ANYWAYS BECAUSE HE REMEMBERS BEING A TEENAGER ON HIS OWN TOO

LITERALLYYLYKYLYKY OH MY GOD???? NO BECAUSE. no bc kiera and catalina parallel lance and eugene as kids almost EXACTLY imo and its SO important in a sense that like. ok i don’t think the rise of flynnigan rider is canon necessarily bc that book was a mess but lance and eugene’s interactions in it are so GOOD it drives me crazy.

basically lance at that age (like 11-12) is portrayed as a kinda shy and anxious kid who tends to keep to himself but is really nerdy and smart and well aware of his surroundings. he’s still a kid and he can be dumb and impulsive but he’s emotional and clings to people who show him affection. eugene’s the opposite, he’s super charismatic and talks his way out of things easily but he never really thinks before he acts and it gets him into trouble really easily. but together they balance each other out, and eugene is super protective of lance bc he knows he’s the more shy and cautious one.

they’re such a good team bc they balance out each others strengths and weaknesses perfectly. but lance actually has a point where he felt betrayed by eugene and it hit so hard despite the plot being so messy. LIKE HE GENUINELY TOLD HIM OFF AND STOOD UP FOR HIMSELF AND IT WAS SO GOOD?? and then theres the whole alleged scrapped lance and eugene backstory episode which might not even be real but its CANON TO ME EVEN IF ITS NOT BC THATS HOW GOOD IT IS. yk the one where eugene almost got adopted and lance was afraid of being left behind so he broke a window and blamed it on eugene so the couple wouldn’t want him anymore? Yeah. Yeah i think about that a normal amount actually!

AND ITS BC. ITS THE SAME DYNAMIC KIERA AND CATALINA HAVE. WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT. AND I THINK ITS CLEAR THAT THE REASON LANCE CHANGED SO MUCH FROM THAT POINT TO WHEN WE SEE HIM IN THE SERIES IS BECAUSE…. EUGENE WASN’T THERE ANYMORE. THINK ABT IT. THEY BOTH BALANCED OUT EACH OTHERS FLAWS. LANCE WAS SHY AND CAUTIOUS BUT EUGENE WAS RECKLESS AND CHARISMATIC. WHEN THEY GOT SEPARATED LANCE HAD TO TAKE ON A SIMILAR PERSONA BECAUSE THE SHY KID HE USED TO BE WOULD BE KILLED IF HE GOT LEFT ON HIS OWN!!!

LANCE SAW HIM AND EUGENE IN KIERA AND CATALINA. THE QUIET AND CAUTIOUS BUT CALCULATED ONE WHO’S ALSO A LITTLE SHIT AND THE RECKLESS AND CHARISMATIC PROTECTIVE ONE. HE SAW THEM TOGETHER AND HE REMEMBERED WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM AND EUGENE. HOW THEY GOT TORN APART. AND HOW HE HAD TO CHANGE HIMSELF TO SURVIVE. HE TOOK THEM IN BECAUSE HE KNEW IT WOULD HAPPEN TO THEM TOO.

Godddd I’M SO. there are so many traits and little details abt him that just got passed off as jokes or one liners in the series but they SHOULDN’T BE. GODDD HES A CHEF. HE LOVES FOOD AND COOKING HES A THEATER KID!! HE LOVES LITERATURE AND HE LOVES MUSIC!!! I THINK HE LOVES THEATER AND DOESN’T FEEL AS AFRAID IN THAT SENSE BECAUSE HE TRULY FEELS LIKE A DIFFERENT PERSON ON STAGE. ITS WHY HE DOESN’T LIKE SINGING AS HIMSELF BUT HE’D ABSOLUTELY KILL IT IN A PLAY.

and god it annoys me so much bc whenever anyone DOES talk about how lance got done dirty in the series nobody actually brings up WHY….. i love this series too but we cant just sweep the issue under the rug. theres a reason they only played him for comedic relief and made him look childish and stupid IT’S RIGHT THERE ITS BECAUSE HES BLACK. AND YES WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. I LOVE THAT THEY HAD HIM ADOPT THE GIRLS IN THE END AND IT WAS SO SWEET BUT HE WAS STILL THE BLACK BEST FRIEND TROPE AND HE DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER!!!

HE LITERALLY JUST HAS ADHD AND NOT TO MENTION THE FANDOM ALWAYS ACTS LIKE EUGENE IS THE STRAIGHT MAN OF THE DUO WHEN THEY’RE BOTH EQUALLY DUMB AND SILLY??? AND THEY BOTH SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO BE SILLY. people always talk about lance getting into varian’s stuff even though EUGENE DOES THE SAME THING AND HE’S JUST AS BAD. AND YALL AREN’T CALLING HIM IMMATURE. ITS RACIALLY MOTIVATED!!! AND IT MAKES ME SO MAD!!!!

he’s not stupid in fact i genuinely think he’s the most emotionally mature out of the entire cast. i think he came to the orphanage as a young child rather than from birth and he had a mom who he loved very much and who taught him to manage his emotions well and bc of it he’s very in tune with himself!! and he’s very much the dad friend!!! he’s just a silly guy and he wants to make his friends laugh but sometimes he ends up sacrificing himself for others too much!!! and he needs to care about himself too!!!

God i just. I GET SO INSANE ABOUT HIM HE DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER. GTRRRRAAASGHHGHHHHH.

[royalwriteroftheuniverse]

Thanks Captain America Chapter 8

Previous chapter(7) / next chapter 9

Warning: 18+ as walkways just in casementions if kidnapping violence depression anxiety probably some other psychological issues, crying, angst being despondent and feeling alone and sad mentions of a restraining order of wsrts memory loss hospitlization, violence a diary, Tony.

She remembered flashes and things that seemed like rippled like deja vulnerable but of a different place. 

The therapist had come but she didn't want to talk. She had gotten a bit distant from Steve  but still sought out his hand at times.

She was quiet. Therefore everyone was concerned with how she changed without saying anything significant- Steve was afraid she was retreating within herself . But life went on work went on. Steve and the avengers work went on. Hayden hadn't been told yet. The doctors decided she needed to be somewhat stable and her talking about something like she is in a dream world isn't exactly stable. It did come across Steve's mind that she did need as much reality as she could get but he wasn't ready to let go yet. Not after he saw she he saw, how scared she was….or he was He didn't want to be that- he didn't want her  to feel like that ever again. And he'd protect her as much as he c an or as long as he can. 

Steve walked in one day to find her leg tucks against her and crying a bit. He didn't even. Have to say anything 

"Yea I remembered some"

"What was it?" She was sniffling 

"You can sit down if you want" she motioned to the bed.   

"I don't know if I can do this right now, I just,

I feel like I'm going to have a nervous break down I can't do this anymore.  I'm just going down these rabbit holes and back up and my dreams make zero sense and I'm upset and sad but then relaxed but then I just when I sleep its not im not waking up restful it's. Like."

"I have-"

"What you did to me hurt. But then I remember when I didn't remember  weeks ago and and you were there with me but you. You made sure I made the first like I know  and but then Hayden he."

She sniffles

"Its not fair to you to either of you.  Or me. I can't. You and Rachel should just-" she swung her hands as if to say goodbye and just run off together. Leave her behind 

"Doll me and Rachel are over. I broke up with her that day at the fair. She said she wanted to get something I waited in the car she said she needed help and was practically begging. I put my hat and sun glasses I show up and all of a sudden she taken them off and is wearing rings and it was a shit show it was obvious what she actually came for and I've been wanting to tell you that. I'm sorry I don't have an excuse about why I-" he shook his head, "I was an asshole. And I-"

"I don't care Steve I feel like I'm going to have a fucking mental breakdown I have just way to much." She starts crying. "And not enough." 

"Theres so much on my plate but at the same time not enough I feel like. I feel like I should be able to do more to be more. "

"You need to give yourself time, give yourself rest. You've been through-"

Stop telling me what I've been through. " she yelled. I don't even know what I've been through I feel like my brain just like it imagines things  because I know they wouldn't."

"They wouldn't?"

She turned her head and looked down.

"Sweetheart they wouldn't what?" His hand shook and he had to stop  it before she saw. "what did they do." He also was trying to control his anger

"It's more like what they didn't." Her voice was low but not low enough.

He slammed his hand on the wall so hard it made a break in it- but for some reason she didn't jump. And that scared Steve most of all.

She was sleeping and Steve just wanted to check on her. Just like he had his other agents. He was down there checking on agents therefore he was down there. He was passing her room so it made sense. so it didn't occur to him to have someone baby sit him it was the farthest thing from his mind. Things have been fine with them. He let her dictate things and he was ok with that because he knew that was the only

She was sleeping but had a pen and notebook in her hand. It must have been something the therapist gave her. He didn't mean to snoop he didn't mean to read it but he couldn't help it. It was so melodic . 

"Cause I have no tears to cry- it doesn't matter anyway 

If we say goodbye

Will anything really change was just a stopping stone

That wasn't even used

I was just there

Feeling like 

Somebody everyone hated- including you. 

I feel like I have no one who really knows me

Everyone I've trusted it just combust and I'm left alone now on the dust.

I don't really know where to start over because I didn't know what really ended but 

I can't I just want to be held when I cry

Someone to tell me it's alright. I know its not you.

I know there's no one and I have to face that But I can't because its to scary 

I'm alone and I think ill always be alone 

Why me.

Everything is always taken from me.

Why me. Why did I ever do wrong to make all this,everything happen

Why me."

." 

His heart broke

For anyone to feel so alone but he understood 

At least he thinks. How much can anyone understand something like that. She didn't seem like she was a risk. But maybe she was just sad and confused being in there. The only thing that he knew was true was that he didn't know what to do. 

He wiped his face on his sleeve.  Steve folded the pad closed and put that and the pen on the bedside table. He watched her for a moment. She even looked sad in her sleep. He gently moved the hair out her face.

It's ok sweetheart you're not alone, you're not going to be alone. I under I do I-"

"Steve" Tony voice broke the calmness of the room, despite the calmness of Tony's voice.

"You can't be in here you know that. Not alone come on."

"I was just checking on the other agents I wanted to see how she was. That's all."

"Well you have so, come on."

Steve bregugedly left her room.

He wanted to give her a kiss a short one nothing romantic or just he just wanted to let her know she wasn't alone.

He squeezed her hand "You're not alone I promise you I'll watch out for you. I promise." 

Steve shared his concerns with Tony, Nat and the doctors but he still didn't tell Bucky. And he didn't think about why. 

Steve had passed the window to her room again. He was running ing out of agents to check up on just to check up on her to see her. But she looked despondent and just staring at the side of the room. 

He was even considering going to Hayden and he hated Hayden. But not as much as he blamed himself. 

The doctors promised Steve they'd make sure she was ok. They tried her on a medication as they niyi vied she was acting different. and she didn't react well. Then she had just slept and slept but the constant need or high doses of benadryl was a lot. He would walk in and heard the AI  saying they were alerting some 

"Just saying goodnight" he squeezed her hand

"Goodnight sweetheart. I promise ill watch out for you" with a sigh he walked out. 

But if Steve didn't insist she needed something then she wouldn't have had the reaction. So much for looking out for her. 

Another thought Steve breated himself on as he kept punching he bags in the gym. 

It was his stupid idiocy that did this  

He should have put more shadows on her

He should've made sure they did their job and not pulled them off but he was hiding the girl. Stupidly. He couldn't even bring it in himself to tell them that he had screwed up and isn't perfect he'd be made fun of." Punch   "joked about" he hated it as a kid. Punch.  He "hated it now.” Punch "broke heart" punch "mocked for him being hurt" punch "everyone wanting to know of the girl whoI"punch "turned " punch "him "punch "away" punch "he drove away "punch "he practically killed" punch and the bag went flying…for the third time and he had to clean it up. The janitorial stuff didn't like doing it for him. 

Buck told Steve he would go in and see her. He was allowed after all.

@nana1000night @sapphire-rogers @patzammit @hawkeyes-queen @sparklybarbarianninja sorry if I forgot anyone

Previous chapter (7) / (next) chapter 9

[horizonandstar]

who wants rain world au thoughts while theyre rattling in my brain. there will be spoilers for the game so its under the cut

ok so context for people who dont know rain world lore: iterators are half-biological automatons who, well, iterate, specifically to solve the Great Problem. what that problem is doesnt matter much in this context other than that its basically impossible to solve

moondrops situation is a mix of the 2 canon iterators: he has five pebbles' rot, and is defunct, broken down and has memory issues like looks to the moon

hes also free to roam, unlike every iterator seen so far. hes broken out of the mechanical arm attached to his back, so moon now is just the puppet and not the entire superstructure anymore

so yeah! fun. moon is highly disoriented and he keeps losing neurons/memories the longer he roams due to many reasons. theres a lot of ways to lose neurons

sun, on the other hand, is most like five pebbles if i had to compare but he doesnt have the rot. however this guy has 500 mental issues (my son who has every disease) due to being abandoned and isolated for real fucking long. he works on the great problem due to lack of anything else to do. its either that or spiral

the last straw for sun was losing communications with moon. the 2 were built close together, so even after the communications tower went down, they were still able to talk to each other, even if that took days to send. so now sun is holding out on hope that suns's messages are just not being received and/or moon's response is just taking long to be sent

but anyways! remember sun in canon? im going to take that and configure it for this au as him wanting companionship/not wanting to be left behind again. theres probably 1-2 animals living inside suns superstructure and he just feeds them his neurons. or maybe the food factories are still working and sun still has access to those so he uses that instead, if i want to be less mean

if moon ever wanders into suns overseer range, sun is going to freak out and guide moon to his superstructure as best as he can. and he will not let moon leave once moon is here, especially once he finds out moons entire list of issues

sun would rather destroy himself than be alone again, so he gives moon So Many Fucking Neurons and does his best to reintegrate moon as an iterator again. he'll back off if moon refuses. he's more pushy when it comes to neurons though. thats their damn brain and hes missing so much of it

[eziojensenthe3rd]

Midnight Gaming: Quad Damage

So last night i played Quake past midnight, checked socials and found.... fans are recreating the snes satallaview broadcast service.

So the Super Nintendo had something called BS-X which was only available in japan was the next project after the original cd addon idea flopped (and inadvertently created the playstation console along with causing the cd-i nintendo games to exist but thats another story). The idea behind it was that periodically subscribers can download limited time games exclusive to the BS-X. Of course it was eventual that the service would discontinue and a lot of those games would be lost until game preservationists manage to recover them for the world to see.

Well, now some folks are recreating that broadcast service and with a snes emulator, you can download any of those BS-X games that are available atm. If you're interested, the git hub page is linked now for y'all to check out.

Now onto Quake which i'll be talking about the remaster thats available on consoles and pc. Quake was certainly notable enough to be remembered, just not as much as say Doom was. Doom was a trendsetter that lit up the gaming scene, Quake was just "its doom again but brown and lovecrafty". Honestly the Quake series certainly had issues with consistency which may have hurt its longevity. The first game was dark elder god vibes with the second being sci-fi world war 2 and then 3 was a just a multiplayer shooter and 4 was back to sci-fi again. Its probably part of the reason why Doom has had a resurgence with 2016 and eternal and also the upcoming dark age, while Quake only has Quake Champions. Doom is the older brother that everyone likes and is familiar with while Quake is the little brother, still likeable and has fans but certanly exists in its bigger brothers shadow. Doom is the Mario to Quakes Luigi. At least thats what i think.

I have a personal story where i was young and had a old pc from my uncles family that had Quake and Duke Nukem on it. Of course i then told my parents that i was getting nightmares from playing them and they promptly uninstalled them. Now, heres the thing, im fairly certain I made the whole nightmare thing up? I dont know why i lied about it or if infact i did had nightmares but i have that feeling that it wasnt true. Again, i have no clue, kid me was an asshole.

So the Quake remaster is neat, it has some nice Qol features such as the radial menu with slowdown, makes frantically swapping weapons during combat more doable on a controller. The ogres plain suck to fight on hard mode atleast, those grenades are a pain to dodge at times, they are essentially my least favourite enemy in Quake, the leaper gremlin, the lightning monster are perferable compared to those pricks. Atleast i can get revenge by bouncing grenades off a wall to hit enemies around corners or above and below alcoves. One thing i dont get is that the Quake remaster has a similar addon feature like the recent Doom and Doom 2 ports, where you can download some of the community mappacks and mods that were made. Pointless on pc since you can download them yourself but wonderful on console, you can even download the Nintendo 64 version of Quake to play. Yet heres the thing, the Quake 2 remaster doesnt have that feature. Theres some of the expansions, a new one by the remaster devs and the 64 version of quake 2 but theres no addon feature, no community mods to download on the remaster. Does Quake 2 not have as much a mod following like Quake 1 or did bethesda/zenimax didnt want to bother.

Well thats it for now. See you tomorrow. Feel free to leave some feedback, anons are on atm.

[dadmilkman]

I realized this summer that I subconsciously assume everyone i ever meet 1) is neutral towards or actively dislikes me and 2) because of this I do not put myself into the public eyes (gatherings, parties, social events, hang outs, etc) because i have already assumed no one wants me there and i would rather not put myself into that sort of situation when I am expecting to probably leave it thinking everyone is relieved that I am gone. this is super unhealthy and i havent figured out how to unpack it quite yet.

on top of this I realized that I dont let myself be happy. I think somewhere around the end of may I was having a relatively amazing few weeks. The weather was nice, i was spending a lot of time outside for hours a day on my porch swing reading and being in the sun, i was going out to the beach with some frequency to ride bikes, work was going smoothly and despite being busy things were productive. lots of good things were happening. and I realized that every time good things happen i will, in the back of my mind, tell myself that i need to think of a reason why i should not be so happy with my situation because.... i think i just dont know how to handle being not depressed after spending so much of my life really hating myself and everything about my life. and sometimes even now i do hate the way I am in plenty of different regards but I used to be able to hide that hate for myself behind the hate I had for the life I was living in a couple years ago (living situation I wasnt doing well in, job i hated, no career, broken up with long term gf, had a falling out with my dad, etc) so it was a lot easier to conflate "i hate myself" with "I hate my life." except, i dont hate my life anymore. I think i like my life quite a lot. I make very good money and im very lucky to have the job i have now. I have a house and very little debt and Im financially independent and i get to travel and my relationship with my remaining family is very slowly mending and generally speaking i think i am in a much better place mentally. so on occasions where i am feeling good about myself, i really dont have anything in particular that i can be mad about. and I think my brain just doesnt know what to do with it. so i decide to think of reasons why I might be upset about something somewhere. fishing for entirely unprompted issues that I can focus on.

knowing i do this hasn't helped much in not doing it anymore, but i think that I can see it becoming easier to stop myself from taking the thoughts any further. lately ive gotten into the habit of telling myself, out loud, to stop thinking about things that are making me angry on purpose, and then finding a distraction so im not thinking about them anymore. it's helping, but its very hard to catch.

i think whats frustrating me the most is that ive reached a point where i can feel that recovery is definitely possible but the reasons i am not able to recovery properly are entirely manmade, and that I really only need to stop holding myself back from being happy and maybe it will just happen. I also think that happiness is not something that everyone has. and maybe i will be happy sometimes but i will not actually ever have happiness. i dont know how i feel about knowing that maybe for the rest of my life ill feel this way, this self-consciousness i now have about my reluctance to allow myself to have happiness. i used to think none of my mental problems were my fault and everything sucked but there was nothing i could do about it. now im at a point where i can see that theres different ways i could act, or speak to others and myself, or interact with my environment or spend my time, all things well within my control,and that maybe some or most of them will impact the way I feel on a day to day basis and maybe in a long term basis as well. but I do worry that true change is not possible. and that just because i am aware of the way I think doesnt mean i will be able to change it permenantly or significantly. and maybe forever i will now be aware that some of my issues are self sabotague and ill never be able to stop.

june has been a very tumultuous month and i spent several weeks seriously hating myself and wishing i was vastly different from the person i am right now. i still often wish I was different but not because i necessarily hate who i am, just because i think i could be better and more understood by others. i still overthink every social interaction and thers a lot of days where i tell myself i shouldnt even bother opening my mouth to talk to other people because theyre all going to hate me regardless of what i say. and I dont like to be disappointed, so while im not a people please i dont like to disappoint other people, either.

i dont know what to do with all this, ive been in a very strange place mentally recently and some of it is good, but a lot of it is very confusing. i havent wished i was in therapy in a long, long time, but maybe it would be worth while finding someone i could explain all these things to.

[infernothechaosgod]

tw me screaming into the void (also alcohol and neglect i think but neglect is just mentioned and alcohol is for food and not drinking but i'm still putting a tw on that cuz ya know)

Feel free to skip this its just me talking abt things

Dude i usualy don't use this blog to talk about personal stuff because theres very little to talk about but my friends are probably asleep and others could get worried so I shall scream into the abyss that is this blog

I woudn't Say I'm harshly neglected like my family usualy gives me dinner when there home or if they know they won't be during dinner time theres usualy something left for me but most of my day i'm completly alone and the biggest issue for me is that I don't know when or for how long alone I am/will be so I don't know when I can start doing stuff outside my room (witch is Just a white void witch for my artist eyes is like the 4th stage of hell)

I mean like cooking or throwing trash out or just being out of my room BUT being alone so much leads to me randomly learning the most random hacks and abilities ever

I was Just cooking myself hard boiled eggs and thought id try to marinate them with soy sauce bc i just got some and saw that somewhere before and I looked it up it was easy recipe just like soy sauce water sugar and mirin but I didn't have mirin so I looked up what else I could use and it said sake or wine and my parents have this fancy as fuck for no reason bottle of wine from 1856 I belive? It's older than cartoons or sherlock is what i'm trying to say old as hell wine bottle on a shelf above fridge is just chills there more as a grand decoration you'll see if you step into the kitchen/living room/the place a bit behind kitchen we have less door on this floor than cats have fingers so you know

The thing is I immidietly think of that bottle i take it and I can't find the stuff you use to open it so I think i'll do it the other way where you stick a knife into the plug then twist it and pull it out and uhhhh

Things didnt go well because I pushed the plug into the bottle, and at first i'm like "oh i'll take a single Bowl we own because my mother took all the others and I'll pour all the wine into it and with the wine the plug will also come out than i'll just take the little wine i need pour the rest back in and put the plug back in and poof were done!" but then I realize it's a fucking plug and it's too big to go through so i'm panicking thats some expensive ass wine and my dad would be probably ok with it cuz it's still in a Bowl so the wine itself is fine But my mother and ana? Yea they'd explode over that

So i'm out there finding ways to pull out a plug out of a wine bottle and this trick where you flip the bottle upside down and make sure the plug is close to the entrace then put a bag in a bottle and blow into it then pull that out so maybe the plug will like stick with it and also come out after some rlly harsh pulling

So I try that and I try that over and over i like cut the bag so it'll fit better i find like 5 diffrent ways to put the bag in the bottle and be able to blow into it and after an hour it works finally

So now I know 3 things from that

1 never open the bottle of wine with a knife and your eyes open cuz thats not gonna end well for both you and the wine

2 putting a plastic bag in a wine bottle while the plug is stuck in, blowing and yainking that can seriously help

3 wine fr helps with the flavor of soy sauce, like I didnt expect that maybe i just put in the perfect amount of sugar but it teasted sm better than normaly

I'm probably never gonna do that again (at least for just myself) because I do plan on never drinking wine or alcohol on it's own but who knows maybe i'll mess up in the kitchen again or a friend of mine will mess up like me now who knows

[patchlessworld]

sometimes i feel like it’s better if i list out/announce all my diagnoses publicly or at least on my escape account (or “alt account”) like other people.

people often state explicitly that “this account is a vent account” or something like that in their bio. people also list out all of their diagnostic history in detail, like mdd at __y/o. for example, some people will have the term 「病み垢」 (directly translated to “illness account”, which means the account is solely for sharing their illnesses (mostly mental illnesses, like talking about their depressive thoughts and anxiety attacks etc) in their bio/name, and also names of different disorders they have as well as their symptoms or difficulties they have (eg unstable emotions, not attending school). apparently some also include their trauma briefly, according what i saw just now

i dont really understand the rationale behind all that tho. i get the “this is for venting” part cuz you might wanna warn ppl before they see your posts, but putting everything about yourself in the bio just doesn’t seem right for me. i mean ppl can tell whatever they wanna tell but i personally dont want to talk too much about my diagnosis.

one thing is that i dont want to label myself as those diagnoses. it sounds good at first glance cuz it seems like im talking about not letting the mental illnesses consume you and the whole “dont let your mental illness define you” thing. but nah, im not talking about those things. i simply do not agree with the diagnoses. doctors said that i have this and i have that, and i dont think im ill At All. so putting my diagnoses in bios means that i admit to having these issues. but thats the exact opposite. i am not sick. my “lack of motivation” is just me being lazy. my “mood swings” are just my normal reactions to things happening around me. i believe that theres no illness inside my head.

another thing is that, im not the type of guy who shares all of their informations on the web. i dont need the whole world to know my condition. it’s uncomfortable. and i feel like any adjective i put in a self-introduction page is not accurate enough to describe my personality. i think it’s better for people to know more about me by actually using their time to read my posts, rather than just glimpsing the word “shy” and treat me based on the few words and phrases i put when i got edgy. everyone’s interpretation of the same word is different, too.

there’s a lot more reason behind “not wanting to show my diagnosis” but as i’ve said at the beginning of this post, sometimes i have the urge to tell everyone, every follower (irl/not irls included) what my diagnoses are. people probably will understand me more because even though symptoms vary from one person to another, at least there’s a certain level of criteria for me to be diagnosed, right¿ and when ppl wanna connect to others with the same illness, i can show up in their feed more easily. and to others, be it online friends or whoever, i wont be some random mysterious person on the net.

but eh, after all that b___sh*t i’ve said, im still not gonna do anything lol… literally just typing to kill time.

[junipeach]

.

[20cm]

long letter (varying degrees of vulnerability and embarrassment) to someone(s), but probably mostly to myself, because ive felt absent and like a ghost for so long im not even sure where i should start

the concept of writing this feels incredibly silly for many reasons, including but not limited to the fact that ive already started it twice and felt dumb about how im wording everything. its not a unique experience and i find comfort in knowing that theres connection in how people feel emotions. but im also aware that if i never actually talk about it frankly without deflection or downplaying it that no ones going to know. and maybe some of you dont need to know, or dont want to.

you can stop reading this if you want then, genuinely this is selfishly for me needing to feel understood, because right now im not even sure i understand. this is just my little blog with people who follow me who dont know me, and those who do know me.

this letter is for the latter because im not sure how to say it to individuals and make it sound real, and sincere, and like im not just making up excuses for things maybe no one is looking for explanations for in the first place. but i feel each gap of time without saying Something to someone like a deep personal failure. like its my failure that a gap cannot be bridged because someone reached out and the shell of the person theyre talking to doesnt reach back. i struggle with feeling real, i dont blame anyone for leaving the ball in my court, im just sorry that its still sitting there. its not your fault

im sorry for being gone. both physically (digitally?) and mentally...im probably going to continue to be gone a lot. these periods of mental absence come and go but fact of the matter is that theyre becoming more frequent, or maybe just lasting longer

theyre hard to. work around. get over. which sounds like an excuse but im incapable of giving them at this point. its laughable how much im aware that maybe i dont owe the internet my time, but all my friends are online now, and its become increasingly hard to come to terms with how to balance where this intersects

i dont know how to feel healthily removed when the life i live outside my silly little phone+computer is painfully limited by a hundred factors, most of which i do not control, and the loneliness is suffocating

im also unsure how to not feel like im a whining child about all this. or how to not downplay my own feelings when i wouldn't dream of downplaying anothers, because im aware theres worse issues and also that its ok to struggle.

the feeling like ive failed every friend ive ever made haunts me like nothing else and its something im reminded of daily

knowing that one of the base responsibilities in a relationship with any human being is being present, but i have long periods of time where i cannot do that feels like a base failure at the most deep level. i cant and don't expect people to wait around forever. i will go months without being able to hold any real conversation with someone. i just dont want anyone to ever feel less cared for because of it, i think of everyone fondly

i think its also funny that logically i know friendships and acquaintances dont always last forever and that's okay. people are in each others lives for the times they need them and can keep each other. and you can always come back together if its wanted, but sometimes theres a lifespan and its fleeting, and you need to be okay with leaving people behind, and being left behind yourself

i think im just always used to my friendships having timers on them. when friendships last longer than a year those people become like extensions of my heart. i want everyone im friends with even for short times to feel warm and loved, because i know that life finds ways to bring people together and apart when it whims

i think im used to living like im on a timer in general. i dont expect things to last. im never under any assumption something will stay static. life is change. change is guaranteed. change isn't something to be afraid of

but it does scare me. intensely. i know that sometimes i let things go because the fight feels pointless. i know thats not always conducive to keeping relationships itself. i try anyway. im not sure it matters, but i want people to know that i Try. i feel that tug to Keep and Try so intensely

the problem is when i dont feel real, its hard to try. its hard to feel permanent. its hard to feel like anything matters. i get so used to floating as a defense mechanism that ive somewhat lost the ability to hold onto anything. everything feels like its running through my fingers. i tell myself itll all work out eventually

and it sometimes does. i have many lovely people in my life that are patient with me, and care in their own ways, and it makes me feel incredibly grateful and incredibly unworthy. everyone whos ever been patient with me when i disappear on and off for a few months deserves far better than i can give. im aware its not always about giving, but i feel like that by failing one of the core tenets of Being There most of the time im already asking for too much. i just hope that being there when i can is enough.

its harder to feel like any of these fears and issues are worth talking about when theyve plagued me for years. when ive tried to work on and patch the shortcomings and be Better for those i care about when it feels like i keep getting damaged in ways that set me back and make it harder to get back up

its hard to constantly explain myself as just going "through it" again. another week, month, couple months. especially when i know i could blame a lot of it on the last 2 years but that doesnt feel fair anymore. i know it's also my fault

so im sorry. genuinely and wholeheartedly. i know that i hurt people when im not present, when i stop answering and im barely there. i know its potentially uncomfortable for others. or who just worry. im also aware that theres people who probably havent given this a second thought, because theres also a possibility im making Up people who are mad at me out of my own self-loathing. i have no idea, because i know its also incredibly selfish to think im more than a passing thought when someone sees my name in a contacts list or online, but thats very unfortunately not how the brain works huh. im covering my bases at least

i want people to know im trying, that i care deeply, that im sorry, deeper. its hard to give proof of this. its also time i feel silly for having typed 38 paragraphs to post online like im doing a one on one therapy session with my little keyboard. its cathartic to say it out loud though. i spend too much time trying to be quiet. it feels like a waste if everyones time to put words to an experience that is not new to me over and over.

i am not always a perfect friend despite wanting to be desperately. i cant be there sometimes, and its funny (how many times will i say this) that once again im aware that theres no such thing. and trying is all anyone asks, and people will have plenty of friends who serve different social needs they have

absolutely mental to me that it Somehow feels life or death though. it feels ... dramatic to be so worked up about it, for years and years. or why Right Now is the breaking point in which i voice my very dramatic little fears

i dont know anymore, frankly. im trying to be real. im trying to be present. trying to remember what it feels like to feel looser and happier, instead of tightly wound and stuffed with cotton

i have post traumatic stress disorder, the months of september through february are already incredibly difficult for me. the month of march felt like i got my hopes up for nothing and the month of april feels like trying to come up for air

i feel guilty, lonely, and incredibly pathetic. its sad in hindsight and looking inward im aware its not all my fault, and its also not permanent

change is, as always, the only guarantee in life

but it means for the last half a year ive felt incredibly.....inhuman. a shell of someone. i don't know how to explain this to others without it feeling like an excuse. i dont want others to feel burdened by knowing they might have to sacrifice any comfort by being friends with me. its their choice to, its not like there's a single person on earth that doesnt come with baggage, but i feel guilty nonetheless. its hard to get over that sometimes. it used to be easier. it'll get easier again

i don't know what the point of this was. in genuinely do not expect anyone to have read any of this, im posting it and putting it into the wind.

but it felt like i needed to out it somewhere, remind myself that i always try. late last month i felt like giving up for the first time in a long while. needed to remind myself that i try. thats who i am. i keep moving. change is guaranteed. nothing is static, for better or worse

i am more than my illnesses and disabilities and i am worth patience and care, etcetera. if anyone needs me ill be trying to deal with my manic episode and little hallucinations

sorry if i disappear again. thank you for reading if you did. maybe writing this means ill feel better soon

[folkreid]

what if they don’t like me

I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT IN NO WAY AM I TRYING TO MAKE JJ SEEM LIKE A BAD PERSON OR ANYTHIJG I LOVE HER

Today's the day! I'm so excited. I'll be meeting Spencer's team. We've been dating for almost eight months, the team barley found out about me. Spencer wanted our relationship to be private, he said if the team found out about me they would ask too many questions.

I'm so excited to meet them! I can not wait. I met his mother maybe four months ago. She was lovely.

I finish off my makeup with some lipstick. Okay I look good. Right amount of cleavage, right amount of makeup. My heels aren't to high which is really good, I could hardly walk in them.

Spencer comes from behind me wrapping his arms around me. "You ready my love?" he asks putting his head on my shoulder. "Yeah I am" I reply with a sigh. "What's wrong babe?" he asks noticing my dreary mood. "What if they don't like me?" I look at the mirror, looking at him. He kissed my temple. "They're going to love you" he whispered.

I nod. "Okay i'm ready". He grabs my coat handing it to me, I put it on over my dress. He holds my hand as we walk to his car together. He opens my door, I sit down and he closes it for me.

The drive is mainly silent besides the radio. I hum along to the song that was playing trying to relax my nerves. "Why are you bouncing your leg?" he puts his hand over mine that was on my thigh.

I didn't even notice I was doing that. "I don't know"

He squeezed my hand. "Are you still nervous?" he asks looking over at me for a second. "Kind of, what if they question us because of my age"

Spencer and I were 10 years apart. He is 30 and i'm 20. We've gotten a lot of negative responses about our age gap. Mainly from my family. My mom didn't approve. My sister said I was dating him because he was older and I needed male validation since my dad wasn't in my life. Why are they so terrible. I'm happy with Spencer, I don't care how old he is.

"Hey, I don't care what they think of us, i'm happy alright" I nod slowly.

We arrive to the house. Woah it's a really big house. Spencer said the house was big. I didn't think it would be a mansion though.

Spencer comes over to me and opens my door.

I get out and hold his hand. I feel myself getting nervous. I have some issues with being around people. I get social anxiety pretty badly. I don't go out anymore, last time I went out to eat in public I had a panic attack.

We walk to the front door of the house.

Spencer knocks on the door, we wait for someone to answer. An older man answers. I'm guessing the owner of this house. "Spencer you're here!" the man smiles giving him a hug. I stand there awkwardly. "Uh Rossi this is Y/n, my girlfriend" he introduced me. I wave to him. "You don't shake hands either ?" he asked. I do shake hands but I usually feel really uncomfortable being touched. "I-I um" I stutter. "She does but she gets kind of uncomfortable with people she just met" Spencer explains. Rossi nods and welcomes me in. "Come in Y/n" he smiles.

I walk in and see two other men and three women. One of them was very colorful. Penelope I presume. Spencer leads me to the group. "Guys this is my girlfriend, Y/n. Y/n this is Hotch, JJ, Derek, Emily, and Penelope" both Emily and JJ give me weird looks. Penelope runs over to me and hugs me. "Oh my god! I've been so excited to meet you" she squeals. I look over to Spencer feeling slightly uncomfortable. "Garcia, Y/n isn't really fond of touch" he tells her. Penelope pulls away looking sorry. "I am so sorry angel" she says. "No it's totally fine" I whisper, they could hardly hear me. My parents used to scream at me about not talking loud enough.

"Okay well let's eat" Rossi says. I sat down at the end of the table, Spencer to my right and no one on my left. We begin to eat, I slightly here JJ and Emily whispering. I hear them say my name. I begin shifting in my seat. Spencer noticed and holds my hand under the table doing the dumb thing. "You okay love?" he whispers. "Yeah I um, I just need to use the restroom" I tell him. He nods. "I'm going to show Y/n the restroom" he excuses us.

"Here it is babe" he says. "You want me to wait for you?" he asked me. "No it's fine Spencer" he nods and heads back to the table.

I sit on the corner of the bath tub with my face in my hands. I just need to calm down. Breathe in and out. In and out. I feel myself calm down after about three minutes. I go look into the mirror. Do I look like I cried? No okay good.

I step out, I stop at the corner when I hear my name mentioned. "How old is Y/n" I look over the wall to see JJ asking about my age. "She's twenty" he casually says. I adore him. He's never made me feel bad for being younger, or not being as smart as him. "Spencer that's a child" Derek told him.

I walk out to the table. "I'm not a child" I say. They all look over to me. I take my seat next to Spencer. "I would never take advantage of someone younger than me" Spencer says. "Spencer we know but she's so young" Emily comments.

"I'm right here you don't have to refer as me as she" I sternly say. Hotch, Penelope and Rossi just watch this unfold. JJ rolls her eyes at me. "Okay well Y/n, why are you dating such and older guy, if you aren't dating guys you're age theres a reason why" Derek said to me.

"I um- I don't care if Spencer is two years older or twenty years older, i'm happy with him the age doesn't matter" I say holding Spencer's hand. "Are you sure it's not to maybe make you feel better" the blonde said. "What are you implying" Spencer snaps.

"That she has daddy issues and you're just there to fill that whole in her heart" Emily continued off of JJ's comment. "I think if they're happy we should leave them alone" Penelope speaks for the first time since the conversation started. "Yeah but he should be happy with someone his own age" JJ said. I get up and walk outside.

I sit on the curb crying into my knees. "Y/n" I hear a voice perk. I look over my shoulder to see Penelope. "Y/n come back inside please, we don't want anything to happen to you" she says implying to the fact that it was dark outside and there were suspicious men on the news around this area.

"Maybe you don't want me to get hurt, the others hate me" I cry into my shirt. "Please just come inside". I give in and walk back into the house.

"You guys made her cry! For what?! Just because she's younger than me!" I see Spencer yell at the three who were questioning me.  Hotch and Rossi were in the back having some drinks.

"Spence" JJ starts. "No I don't want to hear it Jennifer!" he storms my way grabbing my hand and pulling me to the car. "Goodbye Y/n" Penelope called from the front of the house. I look back and give her a quick wave.

I get into the car and Spencer starts driving. He was gripping the stealing wheel hard. He was mad. "Spence?" I whisper. He hummed in response. "Are you mad at me?" he looks over to me the second those words left my mouth. He puts his hand on my thighs stroking it gently. "Of course not my love, i'm  mad at them" he gently told me. I nod. "So now what?" I ask. "Now we just ignore what they have to say. I'm never going to leave you, I love you so much" he smiles. "I love you too" I hold his hand.

"Are you okay?" he asked me. "I'm fine, I liked the way you yelled at them" I slightly giggled. He smiled. "I will yell at anyone any day to defend you" he reaches over and kisses me. We were at a red light.

—————————

THE NEXT MORNING

I hear talking in the kitchen, I wonder who it is. I go over and peek over the corner. It was Spencer and JJ. "I'm sorry for saying shit to your girlfriend Spence" she apologizes. Spencer just takes a sip of his water. "The truth is, I guess I was a little jealous" she laughs. He choked on his water. "J-Jealous?" he asked.

She nods and slightly laughed. "Spencer, I love you, like more than a friend love you" she confess. I feel my self get sick to my stomach. He told me when he was younger he had a crush on her. What if old feelings come back. I rush to the restroom and vomit into the toilet.

I hear footsteps rush to me. "Are you okay" Spencer acts. I slightly sob, i've always hated throwing up. I look up at Spencer and JJ was standing next to him with her hand on his arm. "I'm fine" I mumble. They both stand their for a moment. "Can you guys get out please!" I snap at them. They leave and I brush my teeth and go back to the kitchen.

"Do you think Y/n is pregnant?" JJ asked Spencer. "No there's no way she is" he sighs. "What if a condom ripped or something" she said touching his arm once again. I don't care if she was trying to comfort him.

"No, she can't be because we've never had sex" he mumbled. Her facial expressions changes to shock. "Oh" she simply says. I clear my throat making them notice me. "Are you okay babe?" he asked. "Yeah i'm fine, JJ weren't you saying something earlier?" I ask. She looks at me confused. "What are you talking about Y/n" she tilts her head. I cross my arms. "Spencer I love you, like more than a friend love you" I mock her voice. She clenched her jaw and looks towards Spencer. "I'm gonna leave" she grabs her things and walks out the door.

"Why did you do that!" he yells at me. "Why are you yelling at me?" I head towards our bedroom. "Talk about what she said, now it's going to be awkward around her!" he screams.

"Well you're the one who was letting her be all up on you! After she said that when you guys came to check up on me she was holding your arm! A-And you used to have feelings for her and you probably still do" I cry.

I see his face soften. "Babe" he starts. I look up at him. "I didn't even realize she was touching me, I was to focused on you" he tells me.

"Really?" I say hopefully. "Yes baby" he hugs me and kisses the top of my head. "I don't have feelings for her, you're the only person I love okay?" I nod.

[philipkindreddickhead]

I often seen critiques of make up from an existential/philosophical perspective, but I rarely see criticism of cosmetics from a stand point of the very physical bodily harm it does. I think this is because the number of dangerous ingredients is so massive, and overlapping its an absolutely daunting task. So I've compiled the information I've found and bear with me its a lot. (This is from an American perspective. Sorry, thats what I know. However I would love it if people from other countries had things to add.)

First I want to get the "simple" stuff out of the way. I think almost everyone has heard about bacteria and fungi in makeup and that makeup causes acne from clogging pores. Makeup has a pretty strict shelf life, yet consumers are entirely supposed to self-police as Ive never seen a single expiration date on any cosmetic packaging. (I guess consumers are meant to pull this knowledge out of the ether or something. I only found out about it in a tumblr PSA. I did read that expirys are on products in Europe.) Beauty blenders are the worst offender because theyre almost always moist. When I was taught makeup I was told to wet my sponge so it would soak up less product. If you apply makeup daily your sponge is likely constantly damp. USA Today had an article which said that 96% of sponges had fungi and over 60% had E. Coli in them. But I think what people talk about less is the complication of problems from using other products in conjunction with dirty beauty blenders. USA Today warns its especially dangerous to use beauty blenders if you have damage to your skin like acne, cuts, or dry skin. However the most popular beauty products for washing your face contain walnut pieces for literally scrubbing your skin and creating microabrasions. If youre a frequent makeup user you probably know about the cyclical nature of applying foundation, breaking out, and then applying more foundation to cover the breakout. You may even be using scrubbing cleansers more frequently to combat the acne creating more tears. This can lead to "blood poisoning" and, though neither USA today or Forbes mentions this, blood poisoning (not a medical term btw. Its sepsis.) according to numerous medical sites has the potential to be extremely lethal. The symptoms are so similar to a regular flu its nearly impossible to self-diagnose.

The very first thing I was told when a friend handed me a jar of finishing powder- popular with many beauty gurus for the "baking" technique and considered a must have- was a joke about "clown lung." This was a reference to the main ingredient talc. Talc causes lung problems including cancer and respiratory illness. If anyone remembers the large Johnson and Johnson lawsuit from 2019 it was because theyd been putting talc into baby powder. Talc is dangerous because it's impossible to mine and seperate from ASBESTOS. Some high-end finishing powders will try to sell you on safe talc-free formulas but all the products I looked into contained mica instead which causes pneumoconiosis, colloquially known as "black lung disease." Like fucking coal miners get. Its not just present in finishing powder either. In my research it turned out that talc/asbestos are also present in many eyeshadows and other powder products. [Googleable, evidenced in J&J lawsuit]

Another industry to examine is nail salons. Toluene, Formaldehyde, Dibutyl Phthalate, and Methacrylate compounds are all dangerous ingredients and present in various salon products. These ingredients cause a range of problems from dizziness, drowsiness, birth defects, slow fetal growth, future intellectual disabilities in the fetus, eye skin and throat irritation, coughing, allergic reactions, asthma-like attacks, short-term memory loss, nausea, dermatitis, cancer, and misscarriage. Some nail products advertise that they are 3-free meaning that toluene, formaldehyde, and DP should be absent but often the labels are found to be completely inaccurate. It should be noted that the risk is mainly to salon workers and not patrons but ask yourself if it is right to place other people at serious risk for your aesthetic. OSHA does make an attempt to mitigate these risks however not once in my years of makeup queen did I see a salon following these directives which include constant air monitoring, half mask respirators with chemical cartridges, gloves, long sleeves, and safety glasses. (And Im not even going to touch issues of human trafficking/slave labour out of nail salons one case of which occured 5 days ago two hours away from me) It should also be noted that formaldehyde can also be found in hair relaxers and hair dyes. [Found articles in Scientific American and NYT]

I also found on the FDAs website that many cosmetics include heavy metals like arsenic, mercury, and lead. (Usually accompainied by a picture of lipstick so I assume that is the product most likely to contain it, however campaign for safe cosmetics lists foundation as containing heavy metals, and The Guardian has an article about skin lighteners from Asia and Africa containing mercury.) The website stated that the amount of these heavy metals in cosmetics is "safe" if used as intended. (and I'm going to come back to the concept of "intended use" later because thats a can of worms too) However, when searching for info on heavy metal safety I found this quote in regards to metals in food:

"Certain metals, such as arsenic, lead and mercury, have no established health benefit, and have been shown to lead to illness, impairment, and in high doses, death. Understanding the risk that harmful metals pose in our food supply is complicated by the fact that no single food source accounts for most people’s exposure to metals in foods. People’s exposure comes from many different foods containing these metals. Combining all of the foods we eat, even low levels of harmful metals from individual food sources, can sometimes add up to a level of concern"

So like, which is it? Is it a "safe amount" or is no amount of metal safe? I understand that in the case of certain foods like fish some amount of mercury poisoning is always expected but fish is also something you feed yourself and nourish your body with while cosmetics are completely unecessary to your survival. The mercury problem in fish is also mitigated by health warnings when mercury levels are particularly high but cosmetics have no such warning. Another warning on the site indicated that children should ingest NO amount of lead AT ALL because it is particularly harmful for kids yet theres no effort to stop children from using lead-containing cosmetics. I worked next to a Five Below where I was shocked to find they sold Jeffree Star and Anastasia eyeshadow dupes for five dollars which amounts to fucking pocket change for a lot of kids and kids do buy that stuff. I also think its ironic the FDA would have anything to say regarding cosmetics because in the very same article about heavy metals in cosmetics the FDA says that they DO NOT REGULATE cosmetics beyond the color additives.

Mascara, eyeliner, lipstick, and brow tint often contain carbon black. This is a color additive that is an incomplete combustion of carbon-based products. It can cause lung disease, cancer, and organ system toxicity, and eye, nose, throat irritation. The effects are mainly studied in rats and those at biggest risk are industrial workers but why do other workers have to endure lung problems for something so unecessary? [Easily googleable, NIH, CDC, WHO Europe]

This next bit I only want to mention briefly because I didnt find any particularly reputable sources about it, but its a claim that cropped up repeatedly and I think its an interesting one. Parabens, estrogen, phthalates (again), and pesticides in cosmetics are apparently linked to endocrine disorders and hormone dysregulation. Im not entirely sure what is meant by this accusation. Endocrine disorders include female diseases like PCOS and possibly endometriosis. None of these diseases is very well studied and the female endocrine system itself is not well studied either. Im not saying "cosmetics cause PCOS" because we dont know if PCOS or these other endocrine/hormonal disorders are genetic or environmental or both (it appears that PCOS is largely genetic and Endometriosis is likely autoimmune related) AND we dont appear to know for sure that cosmetic ingredients cause endocrine disorder. But I include anyway for a number of reasons:

If you happen to struggle with hormonal problems you may want to know cosmetics is a potential environment factor.

These conditions are incredibly painful. It will be a battle getting your doctor to even acknowledge that pain for diagnosis. PCOS is linked to diabetes, and heart disease. [Thanks @mother-of-pearl ] There is no cure and the treatments are often throwing hormonal birth control at it and hoping for the best.

I dont anticipate the link between cosmetics and endocrine disorders being studied any time soon or any endocrine disorders studied at all because the medical/scientific field is sexist. I dont want women to suffer in the mean time.

Now again, take this with a grain of salt because I couldnt find scientific or news sources for it. Dont fucking come for me. Im not gonna respond to you. [Most reputable source was a paper from the library of medicine at the national institutes of health but it was behind a paywall and I dont have 39 dollars to be right on tumblrdotcom]

Avoiding these ingredients is not as simple as scanning the label for them. As many beautubers and the community are no doubt aware considering multiple scandals over veganism. Products advertised as vegan or cruelty free but contain non-vegan carmine or are sold in China which legally requires the products to be animal tested. Cosmetic companies will hide ingredients claiming they are "trade secrets" or they will be placed under "fragrance." Many ingredients will be known by six or seven different names and asking consumers to be aware of seven different names for multiple ingredients requires consumers to be aware of innumerable different, often complicated ingredient names. I shouldnt have to point out that's a ridiculous burden to place on women. The EU banned 1,300 hazardous ingredients that the US did not. Cosmetic companies rely on women being unwilling/unable to bring in a list of 1,300 ingredients- with multiple names- every time they pop in to the drug store, sephora, or wherever. Buying "natural" products will not help you either. Theres no established criteria for natural/organic in costmetics, the FDA doesnt test these products, and "natural"=/= safe anyway. Plenty of plants and minerals are poisonous. One good example is traditional kohl products which advertise their natural status but also naturally contain lead and reiterating that natural powders contain mica. US courts are rarely on the side of consumers either. I found an interesting lawsuit against St. Ives for their apricot scrub taken to court for their "dermatologist tested" label despite it causing breakouts and cuts to the skin. The courts ruled that this label was fine because it only indicated that the product was TESTED not APPROVED by dermatologists. However I think any rational consumer would look at this label and assume the tests concluded it was safe for use or else why put the label on there?

[Googlable XMONDO drama, googlable laws wrt china and eu, already stated about FDA, FDA website about Kohl. Googled St. Ives lawsuit.]

I want to return to the idea of "intended use." This is sort of a fucky concept a lot of companies have ways of getting around. My "last straw" with makeup had to do with a run-in I had with Anastasia over their "Riviera" eyeshadow palette. In this pallette they had two colors that were the real feature of the palette, an electric neon purple and a radioactive pink I mean every photo, every promotion has these two colors swirled together around the eye. Because again, its an eyeshadow palette. When I buy the eyeshadow palette of course there's a little insert warning in the package that says these two shades are not intended on the eye area. In an eyeshadow palette. Contacting their customer service they told me that these two shades were meant to be used as a blush. neon purple blush. Not only that, but their website and instagram featured NO models wearing the shades as blush while EVERY model one or more of the shades as eyeshadow. When asked about this discrepancy ABH stopped responding. What I find egregious about this is the amount of people who dont know, and then more staggeringly; dont care. The sephora clerks didnt know, the in store abh representative didnt know, their customers didnt know, and when I told them they would respond with "oh, [brand] did the same thing with their [shade]." Sure enough, when I demanded that store clerks open the packaging to look for warnings nearly every product had an "eyeshadow" that was not intended for use on the eyes. Relegating dark, red-toned teal to "contour" and neon grean to "highlighter" US-based cosmetic junkies will say that these pigments have been approved for use by the EU however I found absolutely NO evidence of that. I googled it a thousand ways but all I ever found were blog posts, reddit comments, and one quote from an apparently nonEuropean layman in an Insider article. I even changed my location to France on ABH's website and the Norvina palette still contains the same warnings (not to harp on ABH in particular. I just know which shades in particular are the problem there). The Insider article noted that brands who were selling pressed pigments declined to comment. If the pressed pigments were EU friendly, I would think companies would be clamouring to say so. It also still makes their market as eyeshadow colors illegal in the US. (If any Europeans would like to chime in I'd love that.) Another problem I find with cosmetics companies and their reps is the claim that the worst thing that could happen is eye irritation for those with sensitive eyes and staining. How could they possibly know? The FDA doesnt test, or approve these cosmetics in the eye area, so ostensibly no one should be using it that way.

The next one is a bit of a "duh" but I'm going to talk about it anyway. Counterfeit cosmetics are a booming market full of untold dangers. Untold primarily because these products could contain literally anything. Ive read about glue, arsenic, lead, feces, staph, and horse urine to name a few. The labels and ingredient list on these products are fake. Legitimate brands often unintentionally play into the counterfeit market. They create artificial scarcity by making less of the product than is actually needed for consumer demand to create an even higher demand. If consumers miss out often their only chance at getting the product is to turn to counterfeits. I found examples of women who had their lips superglued, lips "turned to goo" and burned to blistering, throat closures, women with stys, contact dermatitis, eye infections. I think we as a society turn a blind eye to this problem because we think "hey, if youre buying counterfeits for a discount and you get hurt you deserve it." We imagine idiots buying products for 4 dollars from ebay or perusing Canal street for FEИTY beauty. But these counterfeits can be really convincing. I myself received a gift of a huda palette that I only recognized something was weird about it because I'd swatched it at sephora about five times earlier that month. The person who bought it for me actually paid MORE than the usual cost for the palette because it was advertised as a newer, better edition. The websites can be disturbingly similar. For instance Kylie Jenner's legitimate website is KylieCosmetics.com but you can find fakes at kyliecosmeticsshop.co.uk. These fakes can buy ad space and be one of the first sites that populate when you google the products instead of typing the legitimate site into the address bar. Counterfeits can also be bought and sold through third parties on websites like ebay, wish, and amazon. (My gift actually came from Amazon.)

[Netflix doc "Broken" ep "Makeup Mayhem" Corroborated by personal experience and google]

[corysmiles]

Caught (Again) Part 3.

Friendly Giant AU

part 1

part 2

cw//language, mentions of fatal vore (this part is extremely vague and short)

(Also I’m so sorry this is longer than the things I usually post but I hope you like it 💛)

———————————

“Wilbur please eat your food,” Phil hummed from across the table.

It had only been a couple hours since Wilbur woke up, and he was already becoming a problem. The moment his eyes opened he was yelling for help. They tried to calm him down but the hysteric man wouldn’t stop shouting about the giant.

“Dad stop fucking ignoring me! I know i saw-“

“Wilbur!” Phil snapped, “Please, eat your food. We’ll discuss this later, but you need to eat.”

Techno took a spoonful of the soup and nudged it towards Wilbur’s face. As soon as it touched his lips Wil sputtered and slapped it out of the older man’s hand. The spoon hit the table with a hard thud, interrupting the uncomfortable silence.

“Fucking stop it, I’m not a child!” Wilbur gasped.

Techno picked the spoon back up and huffed, “You’re really acting like it.”

Wilbur shot Techno a dangerous glare and shoved the soup bowl away from him. It sloshed out onto the table, spilling onto WIlbur’s lap.

“Dad the towns in trouble! It knows where we-“

Wilbur couldn’t even finish his sentence before a spoonful of soup was forcefully shoved into his mouth by Techno. Wil coughed and hit his chest but swallowed it down.

“Will I love you I really do, but you’re probably concussed,” Phil said softly, “And we’d know if there was a giant I promise. That’s our job. If the boys had been with a giant they would be dead, and look at them, not dead.”

Wilbur shot a dangerous glance at Tubbo and Tommy who just sat in silence at the other end of the table. Tommy’s face lit up with a sly smile as he turned to face their angered brother.

“I don’t know how they’re not dead. But I KNOW what I saw,” Wilbur snarled.

“You’re being stupid big man,” Tommy scoffed, “Of course theres no giant we don’t have a death wish.”

“Oh shut the fuck up Tommy,” Wilbur snapped.

“Don’t talk to your brother like that,” Phil scolded, “but Wil is right mate. Going into the forest was stupid of you two, you basically did have a death wish...I really don’t believe you two found a giant, but if one actually did find you, we’d be holding a funeral right now.”

Tubbo looked up at Phil with a mouthful of soup and nodded.

“You know how dangerous they are,” Phil said, “They aren’t people. A giant would slaughter you like pigs and not have a second thought.”

“Tell me more dad I’m intrigued,” Tommy grinned.

Phil glared at Tommy and sighed, “It’s not a joke Tommy. Giants are a serious danger, all we are to them is food.”

“Mhm,” Techno hummed.

“Giants are the closest things to the devil you’ll ever meet.”

“Mhm,” Phil agreed, “They wouldn’t even hesitate to eat kids like you, you’re like a fucking snack to them.”

Tubbo stared down at his soup while Tommy continued to egg on their father. The claims he made about giants got more and more extreme...but at least the soup tasted good.

“Can we please stop talking about this,” Wilbur snapped after a couple minutes. His posture was stiff, and the staring contest he had with their father was thick with tension. It didn’t last long though before Phil reluctantly gave up and motioned for him to eat more.

“I’m gonna uh..I’m actually gonna go to sleep now I’m pretty tired,” Tubbo exclaimed after a few minutes of silence. Tommy grabbed at his arm to get him to stay but Tubbo was already gone.

As soon as Tubbo got to his room he dropped down against the wall and pulled his legs to his chest. A deep breath cleared his mind.

At least Ranboo was okay, he thought. And Tommy was doing a good job of convincing Wilbur nothing happened. Even though Tubbo felt a bit guilty over lying to their brother, if it meant Ranboo was safe it would have to happen.

He would never forgive himself if he was the reason Ranboo got caught.

After an hour the door to his room slowly creaked open as Tommy entered.

“You feeling alright big man?” Tommy asked as he sat down beside Tubbo.

Tubbo sighed and leaned his head against his brother’s shoulder. He was thankful for Tommy’s help but it was still overwhelming.

“Yeah,” Tubbo whispered, “Just anxious...we were so close to being caught.”

A gentle hand rubbed against Tubbo’s back while he talked.

“Try not to worry about it,” Tommy sighed, “I’ll deal with Wilbur, and dad and Techno don’t suspect anything. It’s all okay...Are you gonna visit him tonight?”

Tubbo stared at the floor for a few seconds, just letting his eyes follow the natural grain of the wood. It was a habit he’d had since he was a kid. He used to make stories out of all the shapes and pictures he found hidden in the wood, but now all he could find in the grains were reminders of Ranboo- his eyes, his tail, his awful fishing rod.

“Yeah, I think I should,” Tubbo sighed, “He’s probably so worried right now.”

Tommy hummed beside him in agreement. The hand on his back pulled him closer against his brother’s side.

“Yeah, wouldnt wanna make Boob anymore anxious than he already is,” he smiled, “I’ll go with you- to make sure nothing happens of course. Wouldn’t want a giant to mercilessly kill you.”

Tubbo snorted and punched Tommy’s side, “I hope he slaughters you.”

“And eats me too right?”

“Obviously,” Tubbo snorted, “Like a snack.”

After a few hours when they were sure the rest of their family was asleep, Tubbo carefully cracked open their window letting them both jump out onto the grass below. It was still squishy from the morning rain, but further out in the forest it would hopefully be dry. The thick tree tops could be thanked for that.

Tubbo and Tommy got all the way to the walls with no issue. One at a time they climbed up the small ladder on the side until they reached the top. Tubbo sent his brother a grin before hopping off onto the pile of leaves they’d set up below.

Tubbo thought it was strange looking back at the walls. From the other side they looked so small, especially compared to the giant he actually did know...it was a good thing Ranboo had no intentions of getting into town. Or hurting anyone.

After a few seconds he was startled out of his thoughts by the thud of Tommy landing beside him.

Tommy grabbed his wrist as started to lead them forward. But they didn’t get very far before a heavy weight tackled into them from the darkness.

“Fuck!?” Tommy yelped as the boys were slammed onto the ground.

Tubbo desperately tried to push off whatever monster was attacking them until a familiar voice grunted in pain.

“Wilbur!?” Tubbo asked incredulously.

When the weight finally got off of them they were met by a very very angry looking Wilbur. His head was still bandaged from where Tubbo had hit him, but apparently he was fine enough to be up and moving.

“Where the fuck are you two going?” he growled.

Tommy brushed the dirt off his shirt and glared at their older brother.

“What the fuck-“

“No no no, what the fuck are you two doing? Are you fucking idiots?” Wilbur asked.

Tommy sighed and grabbed Wilbur’s wrist. His soft placating smile was all Tubbo needed to know what would happen next. It was his lying smile.

“Jeez Wil calm down. We followed you out here, are you lost dude? Are you ok-“

Wilbur slapped Tommy’s hand away with a shout, “I’m fucking fine, stop treating me like I’ve lost my mind! Now you’ve got two fucking minutes to tell me what’s going on or I’m telling dad you were out here again.”

“Not like he’d believe it,” Tommy snapped back.

Wilbur’s glare hardened as he marched forward, his finger pointed at Tommy’s chest.

“Oh so you fucking admit you’ve been lying to me, Huh? Really nice of you,” he snarled.

“Hey hey stop it!” Tubbo shouted. Immediately Wilbur’s head shot towards him with a deep frown. His finger still pressed against Tommy’s chest.

“You fucking too,” Wilbur growled, marching towards Tubbo, “Why are you out here what the fuck is wrong with you, I expect you to be smarter at least!”

“Hey!” Tommy snapped.

Wilbur shushed Tommy with a hand and glared back down at Tubbo. Even as sickly as he looked he was still intimidating, and Tubbo didn’t think he’d ever seen Wilbur that angry before.

“Tubbo you take me where you were going...or I tell dad,” he said slowly, “If you’re going to leave anyway I’m going too.”

Tubbo stared into the older man’s eyes and saw the liquid fear starting to swirl inside of them. Wilbur was angry but...there was more to it. It made sense given how often he had nightmares about the giant that had gotten into town. Of course, he’d be afraid of seeing another one.

“Tubbo let’s just take him home we can-“

“No,” Tubbo interrupted, his eyes didn’t leave Wilbur’s.

“No...he can come Tommy,” he said.

Immediately Tommy gasped in confusion and shoved Tubbo’s shoulder.

“What the fuck are you talking about you can’t just-“

“Tommy.”

“Tubbo it’s not safe it’s not-“

“Tommy.”

“Do you even care about him, what the-“

“Tommy!” Tubbo shouted.

Tommy’s eyes hardened into ice as he stared at Tubbo. But Tubbo knew what he needed to do.

“You can come Wilbur,” Tubbo said slowly.

Wilbur blinked, seemingly confused by how fast he had won, and nodded at Tubbo. He straightened his posture but his eyebrows still furrowed anxiously.

“Let’s go then.”

The three walked through the forest in a thick silence. Tubbo lead the group while Tommy walked behind with Wilbur. The previously furious man now just seemed terrified. His eyes flicked back and forth anxiously, and every broken branch or gust of wind made him flinch. Tubbo was sure that if he even said the man’s name he’d bolt the other direction.

“How long until we get there?” Wilbur asked.

Tubbo turned back to him and shrugged earning a glare from Wilbur.

“We’re almost there,” Tubbo hummed, “You should know, you’ve been here already haven’t you?”

Wilbur paused in his steps. The white noise of crickets and birds filled the silence.

“It was real...” Wilbur whispered. His voice so thin it almost blended into the sound of the wind.

Tommy’s eyes darted to Tubbo sending him a silent warning- he had to be careful. But they’d already gotten that far.

Tubbo locked eyes with his older brother and nodded. Immediately, Wilbur’s mouth squeezed shut, and for a moment Tubbo feared he would run until thankfully he fell back in line with the group.

After a few minutes they were at the entrance to the den. The warm air from inside washed over Tubbo like a comfortable blanket or a hug, but Wilbur didn’t seem as pleased. He could almost see the fear radiating off of Wilbur in waves as he stared into the dark cave.

“It’s safe,” Tubbo muttered, gently resting his hand on Wilbur’s shoulder.

Wilbur nodded and swallowed, letting himself be guided in by his younger brothers. Every step was torturously slow though since he kept having to stop to collect himself.

“We’re almost there Wil,” Tommy whispered at the fourth stop. He laid an arm around his brother’s shoulder and waited patiently until he stood back up, ready to walk again.

When they turned around the next corner the tunnel lit up- they were close now. Tubbo’s feet sped up like he was on autopilot and he had to force himself from running through the rest of the tangled pathways.

It wasn’t long before a familiar booming voice echoed through the last tunnel.

“Tubbo?”

Immediately a gasp escaped Wilbur. Tubbo turned to his brother who looked like he was about to pass out- his whole body stood deathly still and his eyes looked like they were a second away from rolling to the back of his head.

“What...” Wilbur heaved.

Tommy motioned for Tubbo to go on and sighed, “I’ll stay with him until he’s ready.”

Tubbo nodded and walked the rest of the way into the large cavern where Ranboo was curled up next to Michael. Meanwhile Tommy’s cow Henry slept peacefully against the stone wall of the den.

“Hey Boo,” Tubbo grinned.

As soon as the red and green eyes met his own they beamed with excitement. Behind Ranboo his giant tail thumped up and down happily.

“Wheres Tommy?” Ranboo asked.

Tubbo walked up to his friend and leaned against his giant arm. His body sunk into the soft fur and he could already feel the feint vibrations of a purr.

Tubbo took a deep breath and rubbed his hand into the giant’s fur, “He’s uh...well we have a guest?”

Ranboo tilted his head at the human before a loud gasp came from the other side of the den. Standing next to Tommy in the entrance to the cavern was Wilbur, and he looked horrified.

“You...it-“ Wilbur froze, “Oh my god.”

Wilbur’s shifted away, but before he could run Tommy grabbed his arm and yanked him forward.

“Fuck! Let me go,” Wilbur yelled, “Let me go please!”

Tommy shushed his brother while Ranboo stared wide-eyed at the man. His ears pushed flat against his head and Tubbo could tell by the way Ranboo’s fingers moved to wrap around him that he was anxious.

“Wil, he’s not gonna hurt you,” Tubbo said softly. To prove his point he rested his arm against one of Ranboo’s massive fingers- it didn’t seem to comfort Wilbur much though if his heavy breathing was anything to go off of.

“Wilbur breathe,” Tommy hummed, “It’s safe I promise. I don’t even like him, but you’re safe.”

“Yeah we’re not gonna let you get hurt big man,” Tubbo reassured.

Above them all Ranboo made a show of putting his hands behind his back before sitting back down.

“See not scary,” Tubbo smiled.

However, Wilbur still looked like he was going to cry. His eyes blinked frantically to clear away the oncoming tears while Tommy tried to calm him down to no avail.

Wilbur gulped down a deep breath, “How are you...”

Tubbo opened his mouth to continue before Ranboo’s voice echoed through the den again.

“I’m not gonna hurt you,” Ranboo whispered, “You can leave if you want.”

Wilbur’s head snapped upwards as he cowered away from the giant again.

“Look...I’ve been seeing Tubbo and Tommy for months now,” Ranboo said slowly, “If I meant to hurt them I already would have done it...And you’re their family, so why would I hurt you?”

Wilbur tightened his grip on Tommy’s arm, “You’re a monster...”

A soft hum came from Ranboo as the giant shifted to lay down on his stomach- his face now eye level with Wilbur.

“I know,” Ranboo agreed, “...But Im not going to hurt you. I would never.”

Meanwhile Tubbo walked over to Ranboo’s face and leaned against his cheek. With one finger Ranboo moved Tubbo to his nose and gently pushed against the human. Wilbur’s mouth hung open as he watched.

“Tubbo...” Wilbur exhaled.

Tubbo smiled at Wilbur and motioned for him to come closer. With a gentle nudge from Tommy, Wilbur reluctantly took a couple of steps until he was only a few feet from Ranboo’s face. His posture was rigid like a frightened animal ready to flee, but it was progress.

When nothing happened Wilbur took a couple more steps until he was face to face with giant. Ranboo’s massive eyes blinked once at the human before closing.

“How is this possible?” Wilbur whispered.

Tubbo shrugged and grabbed onto Wilbur’s wrist with a questioning look. When there was no resistance from Wilbur, Tubbo slowly placed his hand against Ranboo’s fur. Wilbur tensed up at the feeling but allowed Tubbo to guide his fingers through the thick strands.

“He’s different big man,” Tommy hummed from beside the two, “Not like the one you saw before.”

“Yeah, and he saved me yaknow?” Tubbo smiled.

Wilbur yanked his hand away when a slow vibration resonated from Ranboo’s body. Tubbo chuckled and guided Wilbur’s hand back down.

“He’s just purring dude,” Tubbo reassured, “It’s safe.”

Wilbur furrowed his eyebrows at the the giant with a small frown.

“See he’s just like a big dumb cat,” Tommy laughed.

One of Ranboo’s eyes popped open and glared at Tommy. Slowly, as to not startle Wilbur, Ranboo’s hand gently shoved Tommy to the side; Tommy huffed out some curses but didn’t seem too upset.

And for the first time that night Tubbo heard Wilbur laugh. It was soft and still a bit shaken, but it was a laugh nonetheless. Ranboo seemed to notice too and slowly opened his eyes to look back down at Wilbur.

Slowly, Ranboo pressed his face against Wil’s hand and whispered, “It’s okay”

Wilbur let out a small broken laugh, “This is...this is so fucked up.”

“Tell me about it,” Tommy scoffed.

Wilbur watched in complete awe as the giant reached out a hand to him. The clawed fingers were only an arms-length away but the creature made no move to grab at him.

Within seconds Tubbo had crawled up onto the outstretched palm and Tommy reluctantly allowed himself to be pulled up too. Wilbur’s face fell at the sight.

“I won’t move I promise,” Ranboo whispered, “And you don’t have to.”

Wilbur took a deep breath and slowly reached out his hand to the giant’s. His skin met Ranboo’s for a brief moment before he pulled away again. He couldn’t bring himself to be that close to that...that monster.

“I...I would like to go home,” Wilbur muttered, “Please.”

Ranboo smiled sadly at the older human and gently placed Tubbo and Tommy back onto the ground. Tommy looked like he was about to argue with Wil before Tubbo stepped in.

“We can go home Wil just...you can’t tell anyone about him,” Tubbo said sternly.

Wilbur met Tubbo’s hard gaze and let his eyes momentarily shift up to the giant’s. The red and green gaze was frightening, but it also held a deep sense of kindness.

After a few moments he let out a small hum of agreement and waved an anxious goodbye to the giant.

“I’m Ranboo,” the giant called out, “By the way.”

Wilbur paused beside his brothers and thought for a moment before turning on his heel. His eyes held a sense of determination as he walked back to the giant. With a deep breath he moved his hand to the giant’s own and pressed into the fur.

“I’m Wilbur,” he said after a few seconds of silence.

Ranboo grinned and gave him a small hum before Wilbur ran off back to the other humans. The giant watched as the three left- his tail wagged beside him happily. He was a little upset Tubbo wouldn’t be staying, but the meeting with Wilbur wasn’t that bad.

Ranboo knew it was hard for people to get used to him but he hoped eventually Wilbur would come around too.