#like. it's all the same symptoms but without the growths

[bluesey-182]

everything i learn about EDS has me more and more convinced that i have it. it literally explains every single health issue I've dealt with my entire life. and autistic people are more likely to have it. but i just learned hEDS happens in phases: hypermobility, pain, and joint stiffening. hypermobility is the "party tricks" like the fact that i was an insanely flexible child and was constantly showing off. and then the pain phase kicks in cause you've abused your joints so bad and now you're constantly injuring yourself. like how in the month of september alone i've hyper-extended BOTH of my knees cause they both decided to just bend way too far backwards out of the blue. and my chronic pain has been getting drastically worse throughout my 20s and i'm looking into getting a cane bc i have so many days i can barely walk. at this point i'd be shocked if i don't have EDS, but the only doctor in colorado (or at least my part of it) that diagnosis it costs several thousand dollars out of pocket. fuck my life

[lilacxquartz]

pregnancy woes;

toji fushiguro x pregnant!reader

summary: lil drabble post, i might do more pregnant reader x jjk in the future but i got a request for a milf reader x any, so here we go! requested by @lolitamermaid123 — i hope this was what you were looking for🩵

tags/themes: pregnant reader, very in love toji, praise, validation, suggestive undertones, massage — w.c: ~700

ao3 • masterlist • more drabbles

Nothing prepared you for how lovesick Toji would be when you were carrying his second child. The guy had always been sarcastic, maybe even arrogant, but never before had he been this obsessed with you. From the moment your stomach started showing visible signs of growth; he simply couldn’t keep his hands off of you.

Despite this, you didn’t quite feel the same. You didn’t deny that the miracle of life or what have you was a beautiful prospect, yes, but it was also exhausting on your body. You were not only constantly in a state of simmering fatigue, but you were once again feeling all sorts of puffy and achy with very little that could be done to alleviate the symptoms.

Yet, Toji didn’t quite see it that way. Or maybe he saw it differently. To him, you were the living embodiment of what could have been perfection in his eyes.

Every morning, without fail, he would roll over to his side and wrap his strong arms right around you and pull you in as close as he possibly could. He would bury his face right into the crook of your neck with his large hands palming over the swell of your stomach while acting surprisingly sweet—given who he was and what he did for a living.

“Good morning,” he murmured, his breath hot against the exposed area of your flesh. His voice was lower than usual and thick with sleep.

You mumbled something out in response, although it was barely coherent. You tried to shift away slightly because as it turned out, you didn’t quite feel as hot as you usually did and his touch would only feed your insecurities even further.

“Oh no you don’t,” he teased as he pulled you closer, not quite letting you get away. He could see right past you and you were being harsh on yourself—like usual—and for no good reason.

“Toji, please…” you sighed into a weary groan, appreciating his effort but feeling groggy from all of the exhaustion. “I feel so bloated and big… you wouldn’t get it…”

Toji however simply rolled his eyes. “There you go again, talking down on yourself like that. You have no idea how sexy you look to me right now and it hurts.”

You tried to stretch the remainder of the sleep away to little avail, leaning your head back against him as you finally gave into his hold. “Yeah, well it’s hard to feel sexy right now.”

He shrugged as he didn’t back down, digging his lips even further into your skin while planting lazy kisses along your neck and shoulder. His voice was laced with want and need the more he pressed himself right against you, unable to quite let you go, if at all, “You’re not seeing my vision then, huh? You don’t get it. You look so hot, so incredible like this…”

Finally, you managed to thaw into a slight smile as his words were finally starting to get to you. Even if you didn’t quite believe him fully, Toji had a knack for making you feel like you were the only thing that mattered in the entire world. His attention to you was dedicated and you were his only focus.

“Would be better if I wasn’t so achy though,” you slightly whined while attempting to straighten out your back.

He hummed at your statement, seemingly forming an idea in his mind. “How about a massage then? Give me an excuse to keep my hands on you.”

“That could be nice…” you admitted.

“Yeah,” Toji murmured, repositioning you gently so that you laid against his lap with your back in between his legs. You could tell that he was very excited to this, given what else you felt. “I’ll knock those knots clean out of you, babe. You won’t even know what tension is.”

“I’ll hold you to that one,” you replied, feeling already relieved from just how well his hands could work into your shoulders, kneading and squeezing in all of the right places.

In turn, he leaned down to press a kiss on top of your head as he slowly felt you come undone and relax in his company. “Trust me,” he added, “I'll do anything to help you feel good, you’re doing all the hard work after all in getting our next kid here. So leave it to me to take care of you.”

[marlynnofmany]

Confidential Human Questions

I was walking past the door to the cockpit quietly because I heard Captain Sunlight on a video call with a client, but then I heard, “Was that a human? Call them back; I have a question.”

This ought to be good, I thought as I spun on my heel.

Captain Sunlight was just calling my name as I reached the doorway. “Ah yes, thank you. Would you mind answering a human-related question?” She stood in the middle of the room, yellow scales bright in the good lighting. She managed to look up to my height without making it seem awkward.

“Sure,” I said. “What’s the question?” I stayed in the doorway. The room was a little crowded, with Wio in one pilot’s chair, tentacles manipulating many controls at once, and Kavlae doing something to fix her own chair with a hand tool. Judging by the way her head frills were flaring with frustration, she wasn’t done yet.

The client on the big screen curled his own tentacles. “I’m concerned about my ship’s human,” he said, turning his pointy squid head to make sure he wasn’t overheard. He lowered his voice and spoke closely to the screen. “We only have the one, you see, and I don’t want to ask any awkward questions directly.”

“I understand,” I said with a nod. Captain Sunlight ushered me into the room, then stepped out to talk to Zhee about something. I heard the distinctive click of his bug feet.

The client was still talking, with agitated twists of his pebbly gray tentacles. “We don’t have a medic onboard, just an automated medical suite. The human will be going home soon — limited time work contract, you know — but I’m honestly worried about infection spreading there, since I think this human caught it by meeting up with another. I gather that this other is on good terms with ours, and may be going to the same place either way, but I don’t want to contribute any contagion from my ship.”

“What kind of symptoms are we talking about?” I asked, mentally going over the short list of diseases that I knew of which could jump between species. This might be worth consulting our own medic. “No one else onboard is affected?”

“No, just the human,” he said, making vague loops with his tentacles. “There’s a malignant-looking growth, along with fatigue and gastrointestinal distress. The human has been acting a little… unpredictable.” He looked behind himself again. “I very much don’t want to cause an incident by prying, especially if this is something she knows to be terminal.”

I opened my mouth then closed it, choosing my questions with care. “Is the growth about here?” I pantomimed a roundness at my own stomach. “How long since she met with the other human?”

“Yes, exactly there! It’s been approximately half a standard orbit. What is it? Do you know?”

He was so sincere and worried that I had to smile. “Good news! In my opinion as a professional human, that’s not a disease at all. Your human is going to be a parent.”

Instead of relaxing, he looked confused. “Humans gestate eggs for that long? Shouldn’t she have laid them by now? She looks awfully uncomfortable. Oh no, are they stuck?” Now he was getting alarmed. “I had a relative who got eggbound once, and it was dire!”

I raised my hands in a calming gesture that I hoped he understood. “No, no eggs. Humans give live birth.”

“Live what?”

“Just — we lay the babies, already hatched.” I looked to my various crewmates for support, and found four different sets of eyes watching in curiosity. “All of you lay eggs, don’t you?”

Several nods answered me, along with, “Well not personally,” from Zhee. “But yes.”

I sighed and turned back to the screen. “It’s extremely normal on my planet. Just think of it as carrying the nest around internally. There are pros and cons to the whole thing, but yeah. At any rate, it sounds like she’s planning to join up with her mate at home, and raise their offspring together.”

The client looked fascinated. “Is there anything I should do? Or not do? I can make sure my crew is informed.”

“I understand it’s an uncomfortable process. Just be gentle, and encourage rest,” I said. “Oh, and have other crewmembers handle anything that involves bending over or moving heavy things.”

By the swift tentacle motions offscreen, he was typing notes.

Another thought occurred to me. “I don’t know how long until you reach her home, but if things take too long, you’d better hope your medical suite is up to overseeing a childbirth. They’re very painful, sometimes dangerous. And messy.”

He stopped typing, eyes wide. “I need to check with someone about changing our schedule. Thank you, goodbye!” The screen went blank.

I looked to the captain. “Were you done talking with him, I hope?”

She nodded. “Yes, business is concluded. Which is good, since I don’t fancy having to track him down because he forgot to pay us.”

“Yeah, me neither,” I said with a glance back at the screen. “I didn’t even get to tell him how loud human newborns are, or how often they cry. I doubt there’s a crib onboard.”

Zhee made a disparaging hiss and wandered off in a cloud of opinions about species without the good sense to hatch at a properly capable stage of development.

Wio snorted. “Judging by the speed they just took off at, I don’t think they’re going to need one.” She pointed a blue-ringed tentacle at a display that showed the other ship departing in an all-fired hurry.

I shook my head. “Best of luck to all involved!”

~~~

These are the ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book.

Shared early on Patreon! There’s even a free tier to get them on the same day as the rest of the world.

The sequel novel is in progress (and will include characters from these stories. I hadn’t thought all of them up when I wrote the first book, but they’re too much fun to leave out of the second).

[slugcatmusings]

What is the Rot? Why is the Rot?

Spoiler Warning and Holy Wall of Text Batman Warning. I got WAY too into questioning the turbo-cancer here, hopefully my rambling makes sense.

So, the Rot is… weird, from a biological standpoint. Really weird, if you stop to think about it. It’s most frequently described as some variation of cancer, and it certainly fits the criteria for it. Caused by damage to DNA? Check. Multiplies uncontrollably? Check. Comes in both benign and malignant forms, one stationary and the other mobile? Big fat check. Heck, even the Rot cysts eating other creatures kind of fits, according to some research I’ve done – there are apparently cancer cells that will eat other cells, which makes sense in hindsight since cancer cells are cells that have lost important genetic restrictions, which may include whatever lets cells identify other cells as “do not eat.”

(I ain’t a biology whiz and I’m doing research on the fly while getting my thoughts out here, so take whatever I say about biology with a grain of salt)

So, Rot is clearly cancer of some kind, right? Case closed. Except when me and a friend of mine were talking Rain World theories on Discord, she brought up some interesting points that got me thinking.

First point: Rot cells obviously mutate in a way that affects FAR more than just cell replication and termination. Some of the cysts can HEAR. As far as I know, cells in the body do not hear sounds. They communicate via chemical signals and maybe, MAYBE react to temperature. Hearing involves complicated, specialized sensory apparatus to pick up on vibrations in the air. Even if you simplify it and say that it’s only vibrations, that’s STILL a multicellular thing, not a single-cell thing. It’s something that took millions of years to evolve on Earth, if not billions.

And while Rain World’s timeline goes on for long enough that it those kinds of mutations might happen eventually, Rot cysts have the ability to hear pretty much right from the start – because even the Proto-Long-Legs react to your presence like the Daddy Long Legs do, and the Rot in Spearmaster’s campaign, where Pebbles has recently contracted it, reacts the same way as it does in later campaigns. It’s already able to hear.

As far as I know, cancer just means the same cell duplicating over and over again. Are more mutations possible with each division, as errors are made in the DNA during splitting? Probably. But not to THAT extent. There’s no way a lump of cancer somehow mutated the exact complicated genetic blueprint needed to grow organs, at least not without outside interference.

Second point: Cases of Rot are way too consistent across the board. Now, we don’t have a huge sample size to work from, but from what we see from both Pebbles’ Rot, and Hunter Long Legs, they’re… pretty similar. Hunter Long Legs is basically a mobile Rot cyst. They move the same way, seem to grow the same way (starts as a growth inside/on the body before eventually freeing itself from whatever wall/flesh it grew from in some capacity and moving elsewhere), they have the same senses, and they even eat the same way, via something like phagocytosis (how white blood cells “eat” invading organisms via engulfing them and breaking them down in a sac in their main “body.”)

Now, this doesn’t tell us much, because cancer, when it does emerge, is pretty consistent in symptoms/what the mutated cells do once they start replicating. It’s pretty much the same regardless of whatever organism the cancer is happening in. But what ISN’T consistent is what causes the DNA error in the cancer cell in the first place. IRL, cancer can be caused by all kinds of things – smoking, radiation poisoning, being out in the sun too long, drinking deadly chemicals and whatnot, anything that damages DNA. But in RW, the only time we ever hear Rot talked about, or see it present, is in the context of an iterator having f*cked up while mucking around with DNA. Pebbles was trying to create an organism that could change his own genome, and No Significant Harassment created Hunter as a messenger and probably mucked something up in the process in his haste to get them to Moon.

This doesn’t mean that there aren’t other causes of it, of course, we’re working with a sample size of two in an apocalyptic world with who knows how much potentially DNA-damaging stuff around, but… that’s still awfully consistent.

So, combining these points and everything we know to be canon, Rot is:

an organism that lives inside another organism

Until a certain condition is met, it cannot harm said host organism.

Once said condition is met, it goes out of control, wreaking havoc on the organism’s systems and mutating, giving it sensory capabilities and an appetite

Said condition is apparently someone messing up when re-arranging genomes, in yourself or others

It is widespread across multiple different species, at least iterators and slugcats but potentially other species as well.

Once you have a bad case of it, it is apparently NOT CURABLE. Pebbles tried everything he could think of but apparently exhausted all of his options by the time of the Survivor/Monk campaigns.

So, with all the context FINALLY laid out, here’s my wild theory: Rot isn’t a cancer. It’s a symbiote turned parasite. Specifically, I believe it’s a symbiotic microbe that lives inside the cells that make up every other creature in Rain World, and is held in check by a specific gene that all species share, and altering or getting rid of that gene causes it to go berserk, taking over and eventually mutating the host cells.

Yeah, I did watch Parasite Eve let’s plays as a kid, why do you ask? Anyway, hear me out here.

There is precedence for single-celled organisms living inside of other single-celled organisms. They’re referred to as intracellular endosymbiots (hopefully I got the spelling right there), and the most well-known one is probably the mitochondria. The powerhouse of the cell is thought to be descended from some bacteria way, WAY back that was engulfed by a larger cell and not only survived it, but BENEFITED from it. Since then those ancient proto-mitochondria and eukaryotic cells have mutually evolved to be dependent on each other. So it’s entirely possible for something similar to have happened in Rain World.

However, I don’t think it happened NATURALLY, here. Because something that’s able to take over a cell entirely and begin wildly mutating it is NOT something your average cell wants inside of it. There’s a VERY high chance of extinction if you do that. Which means that of course those funky bio-tech loving Ancients either took a look at a wildly dangerous cellular parasite and went “hmmm we can use this” or made one themselves.

Why did they do this? Who knows! Currently, I’m tied between “they needed a better powerhouse for the cell to power the various weird adaptations they’re building into various creatures,” “there was some sort of disease that this parasite gave immunity against and they wanted to make use of it,” and “it gave their creations massively powerful regeneration factors that made them much easier to maintain.” Possibly it was all three. Whatever the reason, the Ancients either found or created this parasite, and put it into their creations’ cells, hoping to reap the benefits.

Well, they got the benefits, but they also got a microbe that hijacked the cells and harnessed their pre-existing DNA blueprints to build organisms disguised as great big blobs of cancer. Which is not exactly ideal, but hey, they just had to figure out a way of keeping the cell hijacking from happening! And the way they ended up going about it was to alter the thing so that so long as there was a specific DNA sequence in the cell, it laid mostly dormant. All the benefits, none of the risks – so long as that specific string of genes remained intact.

And then BECAUSE it was so beneficial, they spread their artificial symbiote and it’s genetic reins throughout ALL of their creations, from the smallest pipe-cleaning slugs to the iterators. Which meant that as their purposed organisms replaced most of the original ecosystem, they spread the symbiote as well. Thus making it possible for pretty much ANY creature on the planet to come down with a bad case of the Rot. And with the iterators, I wouldn’t be surprised if this symbiote is tied to their self-destruction taboos. Try to cross yourself out? Well, it’s gonna maybe happen now, but it’ll be a slow painful death as you’re eaten alive from the inside and all your own parts turn against you, so was it really worth it?

And they never told their creations this perhaps even actively hid it, because why tell them the cause of the main deterrent to them mucking with their taboos? They might find a way around it. The iterators were left ignorant of how Rot works, and because of this they never figured out that Rot HAD a cure after all: rebuilding that genome that reins in the symbiote. Because why in the name of the Void would they repeat the same mistakes that gave them Rot in the first place, and potentially make it worse?

[doberbutts]

im so glad you linked that breakthrough study about pcos because i was TODAY years old when i learned that its just genetic and not necessarily caused by just ovarian cysts or high androgens because i have neither and i was so confused about it bc my doctor didnt explain how i was able to have pcos without those. thats so interesting and insightful! especially that amab and intersex people amab can also have the same genetic condition that causes the same symptoms. i feel like everyone diagnosed or suspecting they have pcos have been kept in the dark about it for so long but its good that new insights are coming through. sex is so weird and cool lol also funny to see transphobes having freak outs about biology being more way more complicated than they couldve ever imagined. good to always be learning more

I know this is an older ask that I forgot about (sorry) but I'm posting it because I had a radfem really mad on the referenced post about the study that I dared imply that "males" can have cysts on their ovaries. So, say it with me everyone:

You can have PCOS and not have polycystic ovaries, it is not diagnostic criteria.

You can have cystic ovaries and not have PCOS, because ovarian cysts have many causes including high levels of androgens, and high levels of androgens can be caused by a large number of things. I have a cystic ovary and I do not have PCOS. I do have high levels of androgens and likely that is the cause of my ovarian cysts.

The breakthrough study discovered that PCOS is of genetic origin and cis amab men (and, by extension, all people born with natal phallus and not ovaries) are capable of having PCOS because the "polycystic ovary" part of the name is a symptom, not a description of the diagnosis. The insulin-resistance, hair growth, male-pattern balding, weight gain, acne, and associated cardio and metabolic symptoms are all symptoms of PCOS and it does not matter if you are a man or a woman because you can still be affected by everything else even if you don't have ovaries because it does not seem like the ovaries are the cause.

[vanillablankcanvas]

More Eggnancy Headcanons

Guys I thought of some more. 💖

The First Dance - Imagine a Troll parent singing to the newly detached egg, and waiting for the egg to start wiggling. It's known as the 'Trollings First Dance'. It's like a growth milestone to know that the baby is on track to hatch soon. It's considered a great honour if the egg starts wiggling to whoever is singing to it. Like if your name is a baby's first word. Now imagine John Dory is really trying to get Poppy and Branch's egg to starting wiggling when he sings, but eggo refuses to budge. And Floyd is in the background just humming some tune to himself and eggo starts wiggling like crazy. 😆

Nesting - Another symptom for when the egg is about to detach. Nesting! 🪹 Not necessarily building a nest but they go hardcore cleaning and tidying mode trying to get their home ready for new eggo. Branch would definitely do this. 100%.

Dud Eggs - What's a good way to send a Troll into panic mode? A dud egg! All the same symptoms of an Eggnancy except there is no Trolling in said egg. Sorta equivalent to when a pet bird has random eggs without having a mate. What's a good indication that it's a dud? No hair sticking out the top of the egg. Varies from genre to genre, as some don't have hair sticking out the egg at all. The dud can also be held up to the light and you will see nothing inside.

[outofangband]

Updated elves and winter headcanons

Obviously I couldn’t go through each group or culture so please feel free to send one and I’ll tell my ideas for them and their winter lives and traditions! I’m going to do humans next and I have a separate post for winter in Doriath

Winter in the March HCs

-While elves have heightened tolerance for and immunity to the cold compared to humans, they are not fully immune to the dangers of winter though these differ somewhat to humans.

Shock, confusion, temporary snow blindness, and lack of directional sense are the most common symptoms the elves suffer due to the cold. The snow can blanket the earth, trees and plants and rock that elves can orient themselves with (I’m once more basing this in part of Legolas’s words about the elves of Hollin where he appears to draw sense memories from flora and stones)

Not all elves suffer this the same way. It varies both individually, based on experience and based on culture and group and geography. 

-Both extreme insensitivity to cold and heightened sensitivity to it are viewed as signs of poor health or even malicious intervention (for example, extreme insensitivity to cold in particular is associated with ex prisoners of Angband in First Age Beleriand)

-Several Avarin, Sindar, and Silvan groups have words specifically for the way frost and ice congeals on various kinds of surfaces. (The Noldor and Sindar canonically have words too for frost patterns)

-Likewise, words are developed for the effects of light upon snow 

-Snow does fall in Aman, mainly in the Pelóri mountains and in some of the wilderness. There are places under the domain of Oromë, Nessa and Yavanna that perpetually resemble a winter landscape though like most of the domains of the Valar, these can defy typical dimensions and so are not always accessible to the elves who do occasionally stumble in by accident. Most elven inhabited regions do not receive regular snowfall however

-Winter in some places and both Aman and Middle Earth may take the form of a rainier season, cooler but not cold weather, or other weather changes without snowfall or extreme cold. In these locations, the words for the season surrounding winter (Fading, the period between autumn and winter and Stirring, the period between spring and winter) obviously different. These words might instead refer to changes in light after the rising of the Sun and moon, harvest or changes in growth and agriculture, rainfall or weather changes or other indicators of season change.

-Some of the Caliquendi, Green Elves and Avari live in places without cold or snowy winters. 

-Snow pictures made from pouring water dyed with roots or other flora and used to paint snowy landscapes is a favorite winter activity among both Sindar and Noldor populations, indicating that the tradition predates the sundering of these groups on the Great Journey. 

[radicallyperverted]

what would your ideal trans girl rapist be like :3

textbook agp. antisocial freak. Discovered the /tttt forums at too young of an age. porn addicted since it had access to the internet. greasy frizzy hair and skinnyfat body. unwashed oversized hoodie with suspicious stains and crusty sleeves. terribly insecure and self deprecating while also being blatantly entitled and narcissistic, victim complex despite showing predatory patterns of behavior. attention seeker. fetishizes female pain and hopes it will be groped on a bus or be a victim of catcalling or assault because it thinks misogyny is somehow affirming- probably is envious that real girls get sexually harassed without even trying. or is straight up someone with aggressive rape fantasies from the violator perspective, not even feeling guilty about perpetuating the stereotype. cums thinking about nonconsenting pussy. watches rape porn and can’t get hard if it doesn’t feel authentic enough. probably has fantasies about force femming and molesting its past younger self. has spent several hours gooning to the cringiest most depraved hentai and animated western productions. has several callout posts calling it problematic. I prefer passing, or a twinkhon body type. androgynous in the sense that hrt has been in its system for awhile but they don’t wear makeup or have hyper-feminine clothes. I need a neet shut-in, or someone in tech/cybersecurity. diy hrt advocate. at least a few years worth of estrogen breast growth. ideally a micro dick which is still threatening but it would have to work to cause physical pain. self harm scars. both sadistic and masochistic tendencies. complete virgin and lacks any sexual or romantic experience with the exception of its circle of validating creeps online. rightfully earned guilt complex. knows who blanchard is. artist either with drawing or music. eyebags. suicidal and homocidal inclinations. jealously issues. has most of the symptoms of BPD but it stems from being a entitled and emotional and selfish person rather than any actual diagnosis. wears the same pairs of boxers or panties for several days and doesn’t see an issue with it. showers at a maximum once a week, maybe two if it decided to do a strenuous activity. politically intelligent except when it comes to TRA issues. knows too much about incel shootings, and incels in general. fat musky balls it forces my face into. chronically online, but that goes without saying. gingers are cute in all contexts including this one. soft small feet. anemic. low social awareness. sees me as stupid and lesser and treats me accordingly. delicate piano player fingers. chronic masturbator even in non sexual settings, practically uses genitalia as a stim toy. knows an absurd amount of niche pornography genres. fan of homestuck.

[dungeonmeshi-confessions]

I wanna do more kabumisu positivity following that other anon. it really brightened my day so much.

bc really I dont want to bash other ships to lift mine up!!! and I actually also really love and respect labru, and know the majority of labru shippers arent Like That, just like most kabumisu shippers arent Like That. every group has some annoying, loud, opinionated people and they dont represent the average person who likes the ship, you know? I would love to see some labrus follow suit and send in some positivity as well!!! If the positivity keeps going I will come in here and post all my fave things about labru, labru art, and labru shippers as a kabumisu. lets ditch the bitching and hold hands instead!

anyway, some reasons I really love kabumisu

- as a neurodivergent disabled person dating another neurodivergent person, this is like. THE couple to me. and like its not just about mithrun being taken care of. taking care of mithrun actively helps kabru be more mindful of his own needs. In my life, I may struggle to feed myself, but I can make breakfast if my partner is hungry. other times she may do the same for me, it depends on who is doing worse.

-they both struggle with insomnia also

-from everything we've seen, pre-dungeon mithrun wasn't entirely dissimilar to kabru (high masking people pleaser) and thats Fascinating to me.

-kabru's job seems pretty stressful (no matter how much fulfillment it brings him, its a lot of responsibility for one person!) so I feel like coming home to that one guy he can take his mask off around and not even have to try and impress must be such a huge relief. also add mithrun with cooking experience to this, making kabru a nice meal after a long day of work.

-Mithrun is actually very perceptive and sees straight through kabru's bs multiple times and doesn't hesitate to call him out. Laios isnt the only character that forces kabru to be honest. ("unless theres someone else?" "theres someone you want to tell that story to.") mithrun is also the one who gives kabru the information he's been seeking this whole time.

-I am very interested in exploring mithruns whole desire situation. what desires does he gain? I think it is probably a lot of little ones that weave together. oh also I think sometimes things may seem more mithrun centric bc in any story where he is going to end up in a relationship he is going to have a much more dynamic arc than whoever he is paired with. literally dynamic as in like. he requires a lot more growth to achieve the outcome. and there are ways to skip it or gloss through it but. a lot of these stories require that in some way you show the progress has happened.

-to me, kabumisu is more often queeplatonic than romantic. but Im aroace so that could just be my aroace glasses. ALSO kabru is vaguely aro to me. you mean the guy thats super desirable that doesnt really seem interested in anyone particular outside of pursuing friendship? that guy? (also the way he did rin omfg)

-random but I dont think kabrus PTSD is talked about enough and also like the extent of his trauma. its not just utaya/monsters/his mom dying; its being raised by a single mother, its his blue eyes, its being adopted, its being raised by an elf, etc!!!! a lot of things he does bc of ptsd get attributed to autism (I also hc kabru as autistic, and some is symptom overlap. but it is secondary to the ptsd! he is traumatized first and foremost ty) I really love kabru so much. ty for the ptsd rep <3

-also out here to say I know an amount of kabumisu content is mithrun centric. I will tell you from my pov specifically though its bc I deeply relate to mithrun (as someone who once told a therapist many years ago I desired nothing and truly meant it. she said I was like a puppet without strings. of course I saw mithrun and was like. oh.) and Im in love with kabru. kabru reminds me of all the people who gave me a reason to pull through. people who saw good in me and treated me like a person when I didnt feel like one. I also really relate to kabru though as someone with complex trauma, even if my traumas are not the same. thats why I say I think not enough is attributed to his ptsd. anyway, once I just opened a notebook and wrote kabrus name over and over again with hearts. I have never done this to mithrun. so dont tell me kabumisus dont like kabru !!!

-kabru and mithrun are both so gender. Ive seen so many variants on their gender and gender expression in the ship. some people hate this and insist they must be one way or the other. I think theyre neat lots of different ways. I love when theyre both feminine men. I love when mithrun is super masc. I love when theyre butch4butch. I love when theyre both trans. and so much more. its all beautiful. a very good variety of food. the other day on my dash I had a tallman art of mithrun with the biggest tits imaginable and the very next post he was like a little porcelain doll. keep up the good work guys. I love you.

.

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved in our archive

by Sam Williams

My name is Sam. I am 52. I am doubly disabled. I am Autistic and I have been disabled with long Covid since 15 March 2020.

There are two parts to my disability experience. The first part is the disability itself. That’s really bad. The second part is how society treats me and people like me. That’s much worse. The UK is in deep denial about long Covid and about all disabilities. Society both ignores and shames me.

My feeling of social abandonment is total.

One in four people in the UK are disabled and our numbers are growing. Around 4% of the UK have long Covid. A recent survey showed that one third of all health care workers have long Covid symptoms. 1% of all kids have long Covid.

Long Covid continues to grow because of the deep denial.

Labour is proving to be much worse than we thought Being disabled under a Tory government was awful. I had no idea that it would be so much worse under the Labour Party. You know that saying sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. It’s not true.

Something has happened to the Labour Party. They have become obsessed with economic growth. To Labour growth is the only metric of prosperity and success. As a consequence, paid work is now the only unit of worth. As soon as the general election was over, Keir Starmer was talking about the need to get the long-term sick into work and most Labour ministers on the media round started talking about ‘economic inactivity’.

Economic inactivity is a rather derisory and inaccurate name for people on benefits. It’s inaccurate because I receive DWP PIP, and every single penny of my benefit money re-enters the economy. Not only has Labour become obsessed with economic growth, they keep talking about wealth creation, like something out of the 1987 film Wall Street. For Labour, wealth creation may only be achieved through paid work. I started feeling that for Labour worklessness is worthlessness.

Writing in the Telegraph Keir Starmer said “hand outs from the state do not nurture the same sense of self-reliant dignity as a fair wage”. In one stroke, Starmer denigrated stay-at home-parents, carers and people on benefits. It’s a deeply conservative position, and devalues half of all contributions to society.

Chronically ill and disabled people are not scroungers On 17 July, I posted this on Twitter:

The New Labour Government has created 2 tiers of people, people who do paid work are of value, people who create wealth and economic growth are to be celebrated. Everyone else is completely worthless. That’s the story they are telling. I have never felt less valued.

To my mind, a kind and virtuous society cares about people out of work for their own sake, a kind and virtuous society acknowledges that those who do unpaid work are valuable contributors to society, a kind and virtuous society acknowledges and makes space for disabled people and where possible tries to make them better and give them the best care. Labour isn’t behaving like a kind of virtuous society.

Here’s the thing, people with long Covid want to work. They want their health back. We can’t do that without treatments and medication. At present, the Labour government is doing nothing to help.

Recently, respiratory physician David Joffrey wrote:

It is crucial that issues around plans for rehabilitation and return to work strategies appreciate that the vast majority of long Covid patients will never achieve anything close to their prior function.

As the year has gone on, Labour politicians have been drip feeding more and more scare stories to the media.

Gaslighting and re-traumatising people with long Covid Talk of migrating of all benefits into Universal Credit, reducing PIP to vouchers, cutting the benefit bill down. It emerged recently that the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) launched a consultation on disability benefit cuts. It did so despite failing to work out how many of us would get a job as a result of having our benefits removed.

I was getting more and more upset. If it wasn’t Wes Streeting pushing weight-loss drugs on the overweight unemployed, it was Liz Kendall sending work coaches to see the mentally ill in hospital.

My friend Dr Jenny Ceolta-Smith has long Covid. On 21 October, Jenny made a video on the stigmatising language of economic inactivity and long Covid for the Greater Manchester Coalition of Disabled People. The video was to be my inspiration.

Jenny asks:

Will there be a pathway within our Social Security system for us to live well, if we cannot work? Economic inactivity rhetoric causes us harm. It is distressing, fear inducing and has led some of us to have suicidal ideation.

Jenny reminds us that many people became disabled with long Covid in the workplace due to inadequate safeguards. And it’s not just the workplace I don’t feel safe in. I am being cut off from feeling safe when I go to the shops, to the doctors, to visit family.

My friend Anne has long Covid and she is losing her job because she is no longer being allowed to work from home. On 22 October, I woke up in profound distress. I was in tears, which is incredibly rare for me as an Autistic person.

I made a video in an attempt to explain what I have been experiencing.

Worthless and invisible There’s a book called The Body Keeps The Score: it’s about how our bodies absorb and retain trauma. That’s what my video is about. I suddenly realised that a combination of the social abandonment and the toxicity of the Labour Party rhetoric has been making me feel worthless and invisible:

So much so, that I have been neglecting to look after myself in the most basic ways.

I have been able to carry on being of service to my family but not to myself. For example, I have been forgetting to keep myself clean, let alone perform any personal grooming.

I have absorbed the Labour Party message that I lack the “same sense of self-reliant dignity”.

I’m crying as I write this.

I made a vow to try to look after myself a bit better. Let me tell you the results: I have been in a Long Covid crash ever since. I don’t have the energy to look after myself and cook the dinner and walk the dogs. I have had to spend a lot more time in bed during the day. I’m more disabled than I thought.

I have continued to feel upset. The video seems to have meant a lot to everyone who’s seen it. I wish the Labour cabinet was brave enough to watch it. The best feedback is from clinical psychologist, Dr Jay Watts:

What Sam captures so powerfully, though, are the quieter, equally devastating effects on our everyday lives—the struggle to feel worthy of basic self-care, like moisturizing our skin or nourishing our bodies. How can we care for ourselves if no one cares for us? Our interdependence, whether working or not, is not just about survival; it’s essential to our humanity, to our drive to live. Sam reminds us of the real cost when we let policies assign value to human lives.

Long Covid: are out lives cheaper than everyone else? As I finish writing this, life seems cheaper than ever.

The minister for public health, Andrew Gwynne, has confirmed that Labour hasn’t bought any of the much-needed alternative Covid vaccine Novavax. If you’re clinically vulnerable, or susceptible to vaccine injury, your only option is to pay for it and travel to wherever it’s available.

Sadistic DWP Secretary Liz Kendall still won’t reveal if PIP payments will be replaced with vouchers.

I am more disabled than I thought.

I am so glad I have written this article, and it has taken a terrible toll. It has dramatically worsened by Long Covid neurological symptoms, and made me feel really ill. If it causes a few people to rediscover their humanity and make space for me in the world, it will have been worth it.

[m0d3rnvamp1r3izm]

CHNT Vampire!AU

This is a general info dump about the cast so far in my wip vampire au

This au is mainly focused on Sydney, Jedidiah, and Elijah but other characters will maybe get bite sized pieces of content later on

this is gonna be a long one so strap in kiddos!!

Jedidiah was able to discover how to keep Sydney alive using vampire dna(?) he denies the existence of vampires , says they r folklore or an exaggeration of certain conditions or symptoms, discourages Sydney’s belief/interest of/in them, Jedidiah in reality tho is unsure of his belief in vampires, as much as he denies them he feels there are some things even he cant turn a blind eye at but he would never admit it, he’s afraid to believe he may have cursed sydney, or made him into a monster, but he simply did a medical procedure, hopefully,

Elijah is a turned vampire, who’s new motif instead of an elephant is a spider, gets his “abilities” from his vampireism , striking eyes and teeth and strange aura, who worships Sydney for being able to achieve “immortality” without any of the draw backs if being a vampire and no blood lust, “he still has his humanity”, tho Elijah find him to be pure and holy, the thing he doesn’t know is Sydney isn’t entirely immortal and is not completely free from vampiric side affects

Lucille is Catholic and raised Jedediah the same way, she partially believes in vampires more than jeddie but doesn’t like to discuss it, more so in the evil, and demonic feeding and draining of energy and human life aspects and the idea of evil hiding in plain sight among regular people than the fantastical theatrical depictions in modern media with pointy ears, pale skin, and the ability to turn into a bat

Details on Sydney are yet to be revealed but for what I can say for now is he has quite the fixation on vampires, he likes to research their folklore, and collects small trinkets related to them, and tends to unintentionally info dump but is mostly received with annoyed and unamused faces, Sydney contrary to Elijahs beliefs does suffer of symptoms of vampirism, like rapid hair and nail growth, sensitivity to sun light & paleness, and a sensitivity to silver , tho most of these things are watered down to being small stuff like just being easily sunburned, not going outside enough, and just a small nothing to worry about allergy

But the au is mostly the same as the regular plot, minus a few extra details, and now vampires r kinda real, Elijah is a vampire, and the aesthetic is different

That’s all for now🦇🦇

[gallifreyinstituteforlearning]

How does Gallifreyan skin react to burns? I know you answered questions about scars, but burn marks are usually a little bit different. Is it still less prone to scars or are burn marks more severe?

Does Gallifreyan skin react to burns?

Gallifreyan skin is definitely able to burn, and results will vary depending on how long they plan on standing in a fire.

First, it's important to note that if your Gallifreyan has a visible injury, you probably need to err on the side of caution. Like a fortress, their defences are great against minor threats, but firing a cannonball at it might break the wall down and compromise the entire system. This means that minor injuries are likely rare; if a Gallifreyan is injured, they're more likely than not to need urgent care, no matter how much they might protest 'tis but a scratch'.

🔥 Classifications of Burns

Burns are classified into three main categories: first-degree, second-degree, and third-degree burns. Each type affects the skin differently and needs varying levels of care.

😟 First-Degree Burns

These burns affect only the outermost layer of the skin, (the epidermis). Symptoms include redness, mild swelling, and pain.

Gallifreyan skin is more resistant than human skin, so it can withstand higher heat for longer before enduring a visible injury, making first-degree burns a bit rare (but possible). If they do get them, they heal faster than humans and with no long-term effects. The immune system's efficiency will ensure that these burns heal without leaving anything visible behind.

😲 Second-Degree Burns

These burns penetrate the dermis, causing blisters, severe pain, and swelling.

If the dermis is breached, Gallifreyans are definitely at risk of infection. However, their upgraded immune system usually manages these infections without any problems, of course (though not always). The healing process will be faster than in humans, though scarring is possible, especially if the burn is particularly extensive.

🤬 Third-Degree Burns

These are the most gnarly, penetrating through the dermis to affect deeper tissues. The skin may appear white, blackened, or charred, and the nerve damage can result in numbness.

For Gallifreyans, third-degree burns are as serious as they are in humans. Their natural advanced healing might allow for some regeneration of damaged tissue, but without treatment, there will be permanent damage to that body, or it could even be fatal.

🩹 Healing Process

First and Second-Degree Burns: The healing process in Gallifreyans involves rapid cell regeneration and immune response to prevent infections. Their skin's resilience really reduces the likelihood of first-degree burns from occurring at all, and second-degree burns will mostly clear up without much hassle, with maybe a telltale scar if the dermis is significantly damaged.

Third-Degree Burns: These burns are pretty gnarly and may overwhelm the body's natural healing processes and defences. In these cases, medical intervention using advanced Gallifreyan technology would be essential. Full regeneration is a last resort, used only when the burns are extensive enough to endanger their life.

🏫 So ...

Gallifreyan skin reacts to burns similarly to human skin but with a greater capacity for healing and resistance. First-degree burns aren't so much a thing, and second-degree burns probably heal well with minimal scarring. Third-degree burns, however, are severe and may prompt a regeneration if they threaten the Gallifreyan's life.

Related:

💬|🦱👽Do Time Lords have the same skin and hair cycles as humans?: How skin and hair growth occur in Gallifreyans.

💬|🦱💥Do Time Lords get scars?: If and how Gallifreyans scar from trauma, and their skin's healing mechanisms.

💬|👁️💥How can Gallifreyans manage pain/chronic pain?: Overview of natural and medicinal aids to pain.

Hope that helped! 😃

Any orange text is educated guesswork or theoretical. More content ... →📫Got a question? | 📚Complete list of Q+A and factoids →📢Announcements |🩻Biology |🗨️Language |🕰️Throwbacks |🤓Facts → Features:⭐Guest Posts | 🍜Chomp Chomp with Myishu →🫀Gallifreyan Anatomy and Physiology Guide (pending) →⚕️Gallifreyan Emergency Medicine Guides →📝Source list (WIP) →📜Masterpost If you're finding your happy place in this part of the internet, feel free to buy a coffee to help keep our exhausted human conscious. She works full-time in medicine and is so very tired 😴

[archivalofsins]

the ages ask makes me question if time flows in milgram as it does in our world ?? like i kinda assumed milgram was a "slice-of-life-anime" scenario where time, and therefore the characters ages, are frozen / in some weird state of moving yet not moving at the same. and they like experience time passing just in some strange limbo way

I like to believe that time in Milgram does flow the same as it does in our world.

I feel like a lot of what occurs in Milgram can be considered the characters actual jail sentences. Something they weren't really given within regular society. That could be the reason that they were brought into Milgram to begin with and why the audience was told to vote as though they were deciding whether to let these individuals back into society or not.

I think this because of Futa's birthday in particular and his prisoner information taking his recent birthday into consideration during incarceration. As well as the emphasis on time passing throughout the timelines. Mainly the fixation on birthdays and ages in general. Yamanaka also has a habit of playing with the concept of time and age in his other works.

Then slapping the audience with the fact that time was passing normally later and the loss of the time the characters face. Even if they aren't changing or the environment seems stagnant things are still moving forward normally. I feel like it would be nice to subvert that habit of showing characters in stagnant or stasis like un-aging design to update the prisoners designs trial three to showcase their in real time ages.

As though to allude to what trial three with be about-

"“UNDER” My cord’s being pulled but nothing’s ever enough. Contractual desires, oh what to do, FUTURE!"

24/09/02 (Yuno’s Birthday)

Shidou: Thank you for your assistance with Shiina-kun’s treatment. It’s been a big help having you here. Both for her and for me. It’s good to know that even if something happens to me, you’ll still be around. Yuno: No way. I can’t do anything on my own. All I’m doing is helping with whatever you’re doing. It’s just like playing pretend as a nurse. Shidou: No, you’ve got a good sense for things like this. You’re quick to notice things, calm, and fearless. If you haven’t decided what you want to be in the future, maybe you should consider becoming a doctor yourself. Yuno: You think so? ……haha, stop it. I don’t want to be thinking about the future right now. And for someone like me to have other people’s lives in my hands…… that’s no laughing matter.

"I don’t want to be thinking about the future right now."/ "FUTURE!"

I feel like having the characters real time ages reflected in their designs now would be a way of cementing the impact of Milgram as a whole. Though they may remain stagnant throughout the entire series. Especially since some are at the age where physical changes wouldn't be as overt anymore.

Though an trial three design with growth spurt for Amane would be very interesting to really cement the passage of time visually. They kind of did everything they possibly could to make it difficult to figure out whether time was passing or not. As well as lightly played into the everyone may be dead angle at times as well.

Yet, cementing deaths happening in Milgram now emphasizes what Shidou said at the start,

Shidou First Voice Drama Molech 2:03s

"Well, let's see. I mean, without a doubt, it's clearly a strange place. It's architectural and the written script it uses are things I've never seen before either. If you were to say I was having a dream or a vision, then that would make more sense to me."

Hm.

"But all things considered, I'm still very much conscious. My pulse rate is within its normal range. I can't find any symptoms to suggest that I'm hallucinating either. So, I don't exactly find that idea to be very convincing."

Oh?

"Other than that... If this is the afterlife then this place must be hell. But, if I set that idea aside, then... This is just real life. I, myself, am in normal condition; it's where I am which is unusual. I may not know the reason behind this place or how it works, but even if I tried to escape from the reality of it, nothing would really change, right?"

Shidou from the very start said his condition was normal. He himself was fine. His heart was beating normally, he couldn't find any symptoms to suggest he was hallucinating. He was in a regular living state his environment was just weird.

Even though Shidou commits malpractice on others he's never committed it on himself. So, this is probably the truest thing he's ever said in regards to any health issues. That hew as fine and by proxy everyone else here was too when they got here.

Then he at no point complained once about people not aging, hair no longer growing, injuries not being able to heal. Them being in any sort of paused state. Nope he was fine and everything was normal then he died. You think several people living together for years wouldn't go hey isn't it weird none of us have changed physically at all including the young child on the cusp of puberty?

No, yeah no okay let's just all ignore that then.

The only implication is the girls possibly having period issues due to the stressful environment that is never followed up on after this. Which if it was a consistent thing you'd think they'd mention again.

20/07/13

Mahiru: Right…… so you too, Mu-chan…… ……hmm, I guess it’s because of the environment here. Sometimes your mental state has an impact.

Mu: ……you’re the same, then? ……that it’s gone……

Mahiru: ……it’ll be fine, it’ll be fine. This sort of thing happens all the time~ Right, Mu-chan, do you want to eat something sweet? Jackalope-chan left a bunch of stuff out for us.

Mu: Yeah, I’ll eat them…… But…… I’d rather have mille crepe……

Mahiru even aptly explains if it is periods that this does happen all the time due to stress and environment and it's nothing to freak out over. But again we don't know if it was that because this is never followed up on again. It's alluded to once then like never again. By any of the girls here.

And there are other methods to stop someone from having their period. They could have just put birth control in their arm and got that affect then when it's taken out it will come back. So that proves absolutely nothing other than they probably did a medically invasive procedure before locking them up here which they already did a psychologically invasive one.

So, this is Milgram I say again. But they wouldn't need to do that if they simply didn't care about them having those which they wouldn't. Again like Mahiru says this sort of thing can happen all the time and is impacted by stress and environment. When Mu was brought into here she was stressed and afraid of her environment.

That's why I was never really under the impression they'd just had not been aging. Also why I feel like it would be more fun if they were. I know that them being in stasis or not aging in real time is a pretty popular idea. I just think the alternatives can be fun as well and haven't seen much proof of it.

Other than Shidou saying that and Yuno asking if she's dead. Which to be fair they both feel like they're in hell so I don't think those two were the most unbiased parties when it came to displaying this concern. Shidou hoped he wasn't in hell and Yuno felt she was in hell. Those are not reliable narrators.

With the emphasis on the future throughout Milgram I feel like it'd be a missed opportunity to not get a glimpse into the prisoners futures before we decide whether we should let them out or not. Even if it's just through their designs.

[lupiinee]

Remus is disabled, there is no question about that, but approximately a week before the full moon officially hits, his symptoms progressively get worse.

the week of the full moon

7 days before the full moon hits, Remus will usually wake up with a migraine. He'll find it difficult to concentrate and his vision will be extremely blurred.

Remus finds that his joints begin to hurt a lot more - as the full moon approaches, his wolf form is bigger than he is, and to compensate for that growth as much as it can, his body prepares itself by loosening the joints and almost stretching his ligaments. this can cause excess pain and trauma

his tastebuds start changing, preferring heartier foods such as chicken, beef, pork and lamb whilst vegetables make him feel sick

he gets dizzier quicker and can't stand for long periods of time without pain

to make room for sharper teeth and nails, his gums and his nailbeds start to itch and burn, often the cuticles will peel and crack

mood fluctuates too, remus finds things more and more aggravating, though he never lets that show.

he's much more prone to vomiting during this time due to the increased pressure in his head - he often feels like someone has split his skull into two.

the day of the full moon

remus will often be vomiting much of the morning

he will find it almost impossible to stand and carry out basic tasks

when he was living on his own, it was common for him to be unable to make it to the toilet in time and sometimes - and he's not proud of it - he would defecate himself because the pain was too intense

on occasion, he can get nosebleeds too due to the intense pressure in his skull

his vision usually becomes sharper and more refined, but as he has still human eyes, his mind can't process the extra information and it feels basically like sensory overload.

about thirty minutes before he is about to transform he'll have a shot of adrenaline rush through his veins that he often has no idea what to do, his body wants to move but at times he's so sore and so much in pain he can't do it

the full moon

transformations are not only external, but internal as well

werewolf hearts are typically smaller than human hearts, so in order for it to shrink, it has to stop. so essentially, he has a heart attack every month

the same is for his other organs, all smaller than a humans, so whilst he's having a heart attack, he's having kidney, lung, liver and stomach failure

he cannot pass out though, his mind forces him to go through the transformation and is the last thing to leave him.

nails, teeth, hair and bone structure all grow whilst remus is going through multiple organ failure. he'll often urinate on himself because he can't control his own bladder and the pain is so immense

nails and teeth are intensely sharp and cut at the skin.

his skin stretches and loses all colour turning a pale silver shade which is the colour of the wolf's fur

the transformation usually lasts about 7 minutes.

when he transforms back, essentially the same thing happens in reverse, however, remus is unaware of the transformation back, and there have been times where he has been terrified that the wolf might never leave and remain inside his human body

after the full moon 1 day - 5 days after

everything starts to return to normal,

remus still occasionally gets headaches

he's still prone to having vomiting fits as his stomach readjusts once again to being human

to compensate being human, his joints now feel like they've been pushed together and his ligaments are often taut and difficult to move

the worst pains are in his elbows, his knees, his toes and his hands.

wolfsbane NEGATES these symptoms. and with continued use, slow them down and can almost eliminate them. the potion is a lot more than just ensuring remus can keep his mind during a full moon. however, the potion must be taken every single day, seven days before the moon, each dose helping ensure the symptoms are manageable with the final dose being the one that will ultimately ensure remus' mind remains during the night.

full moons are painful, difficult, and often the worst nights remus has to undergo. wolfsbane is a breakthrough potion for a number of reasons, but the cost of it prevents remus from being an active member of society. the first time he is ever introduced to it was his year of teaching at hogwarts and as the months progressed, his symptoms lessened. they didn't evaporate because wolfsbane is not a cure, but they were more manageable and remus was able to start living a healthier lifestyle.

it's important to note that the way most werewolves deal with these symptoms is pack mentality and protection. werewolves who try to live "normal" human lives tend to suffer the worst of it because they're forcing their body to be a certain way and "fit into society". but those in werewolf clans try and use the moon to their advantage. they'll typically eat raw meats and let their aggression out. werewolf clans tend to embrace their lycanthropy and through it have a support system in place.

[froggiebi-moved]

i swear nothing has been so validating and helpful to hear than other intersex people with pcos explaining that they had an alternate puberty than what we were taught to expect - because i did, too.

the first sign i had that i was entering puberty was the development of acne at age 8. even as a kid i knew how weird that was, as everyone around me still had nice, smooth skin, while i was the kid in the photographs covered in red bumps. it was humiliating.

as i travelled further into puberty, my boobs and body hair developed as expected, though the boobs got way too big too fast, and the body hair was patchy (but at least easier to maintain). my hips developed, too, but i always felt more top heavy due to the growth of my boobs, as well as the fact that my body type already had a longer torso and big tummy, the latter being a very common pcos thing. i had also been tall until i suddenly stopped growing at 14, giving me a squarely average height and dooming my legs to be forever short. i'm not kidding; at 11, i was about an inch shorter than i am now. i grew a measly 3cm in as many years, and that was it for me. i am now 164cm (5'4") despite my parents and all my siblings being taller.

as a teen, i tried to focus on how i was just like the girls now, how we shared this commonality (even if i had extreme dysmorphia from my body developing somewhat differently), but i couldnt help but be preoccupied with the state of my skin. i noticed the boys were not only more likely to have acne or to develop it early, they were more likely to have severe acne than the girls. my acne began to spread over my chest, shoulders, and back, and some zits were particularly painful and/or itchy. i didn't have cystic acne, but it was mild to moderate on almost every inch of skin down to my armpits. i thought of myself as a monster, fated to be the ugly, overlooked friend, the weirdo who couldn't get a boyfriend as they kept having crushes who didn't like them back - fairly typical teenage concerns to be sure, and one that i couldn't even express as different to my peers' as we were all hormonally haywire. even my irregular periods and heavy cramping seemed normal, because it was hard to find a teenage girl without a single experience of irregular periods and heavy cramping.

all the girls talked about using proactiv, clearasil and neutrogena to battle their pimples, and i tried what my mother was willing to buy for me, even dicey balms she found on ebay, but nothing helped; not until i went on the combination pill at 16. until then, i understood the boys who straight up pretended they didn't have it because either nothing worked, or there was nothing socially acceptable they could do about it - what millennial teenage boy would ever wash their face with specialised soap? don't worry boys, because i tried it, and it didn't do shit; the pill, however, was like a miracle cure. it didn't clear my acne up 100%, but it got better by at least half, and the redness calmed down. my face now seemed just as pimply as most other 16 year old girls, and i couldn't be happier.

i wasn't diagnosed with pcos until i was 19, after a decade of suffering and hating myself and questioning what was wrong with me and begging my mother to take me to a specialist. she even told me that as a teenager she only got pimples when she was due for her period, but didn't make that same hormonal link for me because i had pimples all the time. the constant dismissals and blaming, the shit like "you just need to be more hygienic! here, put toothpaste on your skin!" - it was all infuriating, and only succeeded in bringing my self-esteem down further.

the diagnosis helped a lot with helping me let go of a lot of the self-blame and shame i developed alongside my symptoms, but as an adult i have had other associated issues. since giving birth to my son, i have been growing facial hair that steadily became more and more noticeable, and it now has to be removed every week or so - just like my body hair, it's patchy, so i can get away with leaving it for a few days, despite it growing at the same rate as a typical beard. pregnancy changed my body and made that "topsy turvy" feeling even greater, as my bust is now far larger than my hips, despite women's clothing accommodating for the opposite. (though to be fair, this is also genetic, as my mother was more top heavy than i am; it's just another factor in the struggle of accepting my body.)

on top of all that, i have been struggling to understand my gender for the last decade, coming to the realisation i am nonbinary but itching to know what "flavour", trying on a bunch of different labels (mostly multigender ones that hover around agender), knowing i had dysphoria but not really understanding how as it differed to most accounts told by afab people. due to how my hormones work, as well as my nebulous dissatisfaction with my body, i figured i had to be a transmasc, or at least equally masc to fem. however, the more i heard trans women's stories pre-transition, the more i realised i could relate to them, and that i was doing the same thing - trying to conform to what i felt i had to be, though for me it was more that i didn't feel "womanly" enough to deserve being called one, despite wanting to be involved in the collective of women. trying to pigeon hole myself as transmasc or even completely agender wasn't realistic for me, and the reason my dysphoria was so great was because i wanted to be fem and to feel that i fit in - with women.

this whole confusing journey has been aided by my making the connection between dysphoria and pcos, finding out pcos is considered an intersex condition by the intersex community, being acceped into the community, and growing to understand just how complicated gender can be for us; i'm far from the only intersex person in this boat, despite sailing in it alone for quite some time. i've been calling myself a nonbinary woman / agender woman for a while now, and it feels right, even if it seems counterintuitive to perisex people. but i'm done trying to make myself palatable for perisex people, especially perisex cis people. i am intersex, and nonbinary, and a woman, and the "nonbinary" part modifies the "woman" part, and the way in which i am nonbinary and a woman is further influenced by my intersex status and bisexuality. and all of that is okay.

we are who we are, and when you have a community behind you, it'll quickly absorb the limitations you've put on yourself all your life. i see that now.

*terfs do not fucking interact*

[pokedext]

I know everyone is giving their own theories to the more conservative younger gen z, but I think it’s a symptom of something beyond sexism. That’s too easy a solution to explain. Also too simple to blame the democrats bad tendency to drive for the middle route.

I think the efforts of undermining and cutting education by the Republican Party is in part over time paying off. An educated population does not fit their end goal for society.

It pairs well with the huge amount boomers retiring and the huge demand for jobs especially lower skill jobs. My generation is in a weird spot cause we actually largely were pushed to get a college education. Which for us has finally allowed some downward trickle. Plus the trend of inheriting money from the more well off boomers as they die. They actually put an article out in Times about this. At first I scoffed, but then had a conversation with my own father.

I kind of my entire life expected nothing given the recession really fucked up the economy for my gen x parents. I also didn’t get the good luck being the tail end of Y… But after my father’s disclosure of his current standing I realize long term it’s going to pay out really well for Gen Y. We will have the assets and education. The political environment will harm us a lot less than it will for Gen Z.

Which who if I even try to talk to them about being wary of trades seem to think they pay really well. They do for young adults. At my age I make the same amount as seniors in them, with a lot more room to grow. Also better options with my disabilities that aren’t aging well. I feel like my father being the only college educated besides my grandmother I can see side by side how this stuff pays out. My uncle’s have less and frankly can’t afford to take it easy. Yeah they have their needs met, but they’re living on the cusp of lower middle class. They have no upward growth, lot of physical health issues from their careers, and the current economy does not favor their disposition.

The college debt thing is bad, but your odds of being able to retire go way up. Especially now that there’s better routes to loan forgiveness. If Gen X and younger would just use this with grants at community college I think they could leverage better than us… However cause they’re falling into the republican spew of just skipping college they’re being groomed into the next servitude generation. Which there’s a huge shortage for ppl willing to do that, but not for long as working geographics change.

Since Gen Y isn’t largely having children that also is limiting how well rounded the generations below us are. As in ppl like myself who are educated with decent household incomes aren’t bringing up anyone, the line of our ideology ends with us.

It also really benefits Gen Y competitive wise if Gen Z and younger don’t persue college education. Which is actually amazing despite that most of us still don’t vote that way. I just wish the concern would resinate in younger ppl.

I feel really bad for all these young ppl. Hindsight is bitch, that I learned myself. I already have to redo my own college education, but I know for my body it’s not optional. I cannot much handle my hybrid white/blue collar job. Yet I’m still slotted better by generational wealth and stupid luck.

For the love of god do not think boomers in blue collar jobs thrived without other inputs. Silent generation established strong labor laws and unions that have been dismantled. Also a lot of boomers were put into college by the silent generation. My great grandfather slaved at odd end jobs to pay for my grandmother’s future. He always deserved more than he got in life, but he made sure his kids wouldn’t share his misfortune. He would never tell ppl blue collar work pays well. My other grandfather older, but also part of silent gen with gen x kids did blue collar work to pay for college for his kids too. They know that shit doesn’t end well. So they didn’t want their kids to persue it.