#like. im not taking the test for my OWN benefit

[bananonbinary]

just spent 50 DOLLARS on 5 whole covid tests for the family to take (we have immunocompromised friends and don't take any chances with them)

this is a fucking travesty

[homestuckreplay]

Pesterlog Timestamps

I’ve wondered before about pesterlogs not having timestamps the way real instant messages generally do. Some pesterlogs begin with a timestamp - ‘-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:13 --’ (p.26) – but that doesn’t show the time between messages. It might be harder to read and would probably make the screen more cluttered, which is my guess as to why they’re not there, and for the most part it’s extraneous information.

But there’s one pesterlog that I think would really benefit from timestamps for each message, and it’s the late night unanswered messages Dave leaves for Jade on page 829. This page is such a great insight into Dave’s head, and there’s this clear ebb and flow to his thoughts that feels like bursts of frantic typing interspersed with pauses to wait or do other things. We know the messages start at 05:14 Dave’s time (CDT), so here’s what it might look like with timestamps.

05:14 TG: hey

A classic greeting; testing the waters and giving nothing away.

05:17 TG: oh 05:17 TG: youre asleep again arent you 05:17 TG: or do you even know if you are 05:17 TG: i still dont know how that works 05:17 TG: its like nothing means anything 05:17 TG: its so cool getting hella chumped by your coquettish damn riddles all the time 05:18 TG: i dont know why i believe anything you say im like the grand marshal of gross chumpage 05:18 TG: waving around my faggoty chumpductor baton 05:18 TG: assitant director of chumpography 05:18 TG: celebrated author ernest chumpingway 05:18 TG: wait weak 05:19 TG: chumpelstiltskin 05:19 TG: uh 05:20 TG: chumpeldipshit 05:20 TG: yeah

Dave’s first ‘hey’ must come from seeing Jade online, and these kids are very responsive to each other, so it probably only takes a few minutes of no reply before Dave realizes that Jade has fallen asleep while logged in. Instead of a quick ‘talk to you tomorrow’, he quickly descends into rambling about how ‘nothing means anything’ due to Jade’s ‘coquettish damn riddles’. Dave’s emotions don’t show on his face but they do show in his hands (p.464) and it’s not surprising that he lets some things slip in the middle of the night, maybe even hinting at some feelings for Jade.

In Dave’s earlier/later conversation with Jade (p.382) he’s a little thrown off by her powers, but overall staying calm. Here, late at night and without someone to bounce off of, he’s getting frustrated and talking himself into a corner, workshopping his own jokes, maybe coming up with a word he’ll reuse in a comic someday. These messages are very stream of consciousness, and only pause when the chump puns stop flowing through his fingers and need due consideration.

05:22 TG: youre asleep y/n? 05:23 TG: a/s/l? 05:23 TG: s = species 05:23 TG: baboon? 05:23 TG: kangaroo rat? 05:23 TG: if kangaroo rat yiff twice plz

By this point in the story we know about Jade’s interest in furries, and that Dave is (ironically?) supportive of this. I’m sure this is an excellent source of humor for Dave and something he jokes about all the time. I could read lots into the ‘s’ being species here, where it’s typically sex (biological sex, used synonymously with gender) only the traditional ‘s’ isn’t something that’s relevant to Dave. I know that he does not intend that meaning and is just making a furry joke. Maybe these are jokes Jade gets annoyed at, and Dave is poking at this in case she’s ignoring his messages and this gets her to respond.

05:27 TG: ok well youre not saying anything so i guess whether youre nonawake or unasleep or whatever youre just not around and im wasting good material 05:27 TG: even worse im wasting a killer fursona here 05:27 TG: like 05:28 TG: i dont know like a wide open v shaped leotard and a fuck ton of body paint 05:28 TG: some like sinewy back arching cirque du soleil looking motherfucker 05:28 TG: always low to the ground gettin a good prowl on 05:28 TG: like i dropped my keys in the dark 05:28 TG: nimblest son of a bitch who had the gumption to glue a nasty pair of latex cat lips to his face 05:28 TG: for a reason that wasnt a joke

Dave goes into his second set of rambling messages, forgetting that he’s annoyed at Jade as he enters full fursona creation mode. He’s ‘wasting a killer fursona’ but he literally can’t stop himself from doing it – he either doesn’t think of saving his ideas until Jade’s around, or he wants to give her something silly to wake up to. The ‘i dont know like’ gives the sense that Dave started typing not knowing how the sentence would end, and also downplays his ideas before he even gets to them. But as he keeps typing he forgets to be so self conscious for a few messages. He has an artistic vision and a great vocabulary and is using all these evocative words – ‘sinewy’, ‘arching’, ‘prowl’, ‘nimblest’ and ‘gumption’ paint a picture of this proud and athletic creature. One that doesn’t resemble a kangaroo rat at all, which is even better. Dave’s imagination is all over the place.

05:32 TG: jade hey 05:32 TG: where are you 05:32 TG: seriously im sitting here tonight with a fucking bag of kibble jacked open on my lap and primed for goddamn bear 05:32 TG: and youre gone

After running out of steam on his fursona, Dave might try turning his attention elsewhere for a few minutes, and then remember that he’s tired, lonely, and didn’t get any validation on his recent jokes. These are the most heartfelt and open his messages get. I don’t think Pesterchum has a ‘delete’ option, otherwise Jade wouldn’t have seen these ones. Dave’s still got furries on the brain here as he goes straight for an animal metaphor, and once again he’s thinking of himself like the victim of Jade’s attacks, and the bear attack is a lot more visceral than just getting chumped by her riddles. There’s a desperation behind Dave trying to restart the conversation with another ‘hey’ followed by a ‘where are you’ that he knows by now won’t be answered. It’s so lonely, but it doesn’t feel selfish; the ‘bag of kibble’ metaphor reads like Dave knows Jade would enjoy this conversation and he wants her to share in this with him.

05:34 TG: btw my name is Akwete Purrmusk 05:34 TG: hardest buttock in the jungle 05:34 TG: tempered steel

Dave has a disease called ‘commitment to the bit’ and it’s terminal. He also needs to make a quick recovery from those actual feelings he expressed above. By this point in the conversation I have a visual in my mind – it’s a big black cloud in Dave’s mind of all the problems he wants to avoidthinking about, and two shining bats at either side marked ‘talk to Jade?’ and ‘kangaroo rat fursona’ and his thoughts are rapidly ping-ponging back and forth between those to avoid all the bad in the middle. So with Jade not responding to his pleas, of course he returns to his two standards of imagination and wordplay, adding to the slightly cursed but incredibly well drawn mental image of Akwete.

05:38 TG: hey yeah just wanted to give you this remix i finished 05:38 TG: here turntechGodhead [TG] sent gardenGnostic [GG] file "explore remix.mp3" at 05:38

It is at this point in the conversation that we learn Dave had a reason for messaging Jade. He probably wanted to drop this into conversation casually like it was no big deal, and might have distracted himself into forgetting about it until now. It’s also possible he wasn’t intending to send it, but was embarrassed by all his ramblings above, so came up with a quick excuse. ‘Explore’ was originally written by Jade (in-universe) and we learn on the next page that it’s not the first time these two have collaborated. Dave is outwardly confident in his musical abilities (p.339) and has the ready-made excuse of irony that makes it easier for him to share his art, protecting him from negative responses. Jade is also reluctant to criticize others, so all those factors combined means Dave is probably comfortable with sending Jade his remix.

05:41 TG: so yeah 05:42 TG: you dont have to respond to any of that btw 05:42 TG: ill probably forget half the shit i said anyway 05:42 TG: talk to you tomorrow

Maybe Dave’s finally heading to bed, or maybe he doesn’t like to leave things hanging (p.445), but he rounds out the conversation and officially signs off. By both taking the pressure off Jade to respond, and claiming that he’ll forget what he said, Dave denies any importance to his own thoughts. Maybe he hopes Jade will scroll to the bottom and see these messages first, and ignore everything from above. He definitely feels ashamed of some or all of what he’s said – whether it’s the general practice of sending a large volume of messages to someone who’s offline, the hints towards his own loneliness, the possibility that his new fursona could be serious and unironic, the remix as the whole basis for conversation, or all of the above. Dave has a tendency for speaking without thinking and then regretting what he’s said, struggling to meet the high standards of self control that his bro has set for him, and since he can’t go back and fix his slips, this is his only way of correcting them.

Dave’s hope to talk to Jade tomorrow wins out over his embarrassment, and softens the couple of messages before it – Dave is dismissing his own thoughts, not the overall idea of talking to Jade. He’s not the type to send a ‘<3’, but it feels implied.

[drdemonprince]

Hello! You have opened a fascinating door into kink communities I didn't even know existed. Thanks for that. I was describing some of your steamworks adventures to my partner, who works as a Disease Intervention Specialist (aka DIS, a government healthcare worker who administers free/low-cost STD testing and then attempts to track down and notify+test the recent sexual partners of any infected individuals). (He brings some INSANE stories home from work and gets to give sex ed talks at the local Christian college using a model penis that actually ejaculates--but I digress.) He was horrified by the hypothetical situation where an infected person could have blindfolded sex with an unknown number of nameless strangers. It's hard enough trying to track down partners when the patient only knew them by their Grindr username. How do you have safe sex in these situations? Some STDs can be transmitted via skin-to-skin contact even with a condom. Do venues like steamworks enforce any rules around testing/protection/etc.?

If your partner is 'horrified' by the actual sex lives of the populations he ostensibly serves I think he needs to read more from harm reductionist thinkers and queer activists from a variety of past eras and work on processing his feelings of judgement to ensure it doesn't impact his actions in that line of work.

The books and Melancholia and Moralism, Saving Our Own Lives, and Beyond Shame: Reclaiming the Abandoned History of Radical Gay Sexuality are good places to start.

If you're having anonymous or blindfolded sex in cruising spaces, one route of managing risks is to assume that every person there could be infected with STIs you do not have and to plan accordingly. Vaccines, condoms, PreP, testing, and education are just some of the tools at one's disposal, and one should always be cognizant of the risks that one is consenting to. Steamworks has sexual health educators and testers present within their space regularly, but they don't gatekeep based on serostatus, health status, drug regimen or use of protection -- doing so wouldn't be feasible and would be problematic on multiple grounds.

I don't believe the goal of a public health initiative or a life well lived is to eliminate all risk, or to regard the presence of any infection in any human body as unacceptable, but rather to empower people to make informed decisions about the level of risk they are comfortable confronting, or that is worth the numerous benefits to them.

Personally, I was in far greater danger when I didn't have access to such spaces. Cruising spaces make negotiating sexual consent far safer than privately dating and hooking up with someone, and Steamworks are vitally important queer community spaces, and for me are well worth the trade off. No one should have any illusions about this ever being an experience that they can eliminate all risk from, rather they should anticipate it and plan for it.

I think "safe sex" is an unhelpful framework to pursue because it is so binary and can't ever be guaranteed. What does safety mean? Which types of exposures do we consider to be "unsafe"? Am I unsafe if I encounter another person who, like me, has had a cold sore before, like 80% of the population? Or someone who has a strain of HPV I am vaccinated against? What about if I have an encounter with somebody with a cold? I'm "safer" being fucked by an HIV positive person who is undetectable and wearing a condom than I am having barrier free sex with a long term partner who cheats. I can't even know I'm taking a risk in the latter case; at Steamworks, I'm assuming my risk level to be on the high end and planning accordingly.

I understand that testing and tracing are important parts of public health for our populations. It was vitally important when monkeypox broke out. Maybe Steamworks should collect member emails and alert them if there was a reported transmission on a night that they visited. Though even then, there are some negative public health implications to dozens of people panicking. But there is no means of eliminating all risk entirely or tracing all human sexual behavior and I would be myself pretty horrified if there was.

[strwberri-milk]

hi hellooooo if you feel like it could we have another big dick kaeya with "ill make it fit" energy im enamored with how you write it!!!

god i love big dick kaeya so much im so feral for him im glad its not just me on this dark side LMAO

You know Kaeya would never do anything to hurt you. He's always so nice, and considerate, and you know you would trust him with your life. However, this means that Kaeya also is aware of your limits, and is always more than willing to keep you testing your limits for your own benefit.

Kaeya is so sweet. He'll do whatever he can to help you out, talk you through anything you need help with, walk you through it step by step. His patience has always been good, and this is no different.

Even as you lay underneath him, sighing a little in response to Kaeya's faint touches on your skin you know if you earnestly said no, he wouldn't hurt you. His eyes rest on yours, carefully watching to see what you might have to say.

"Are you doing alright?" Kaeya asks, letting you come down from the orgasm he just pulled from your body. He wanted you as prepared as possible, and judging from the wet noises he managed to draw out of you with just his fingers seemed to be all the evidence he needed.

"I-I'm fine," you barely stutter, catching your breath as Kaeya positions your legs to sit on his waist.

"I hope you are. I want to feel you around me."

He nuzzles into your neck as he says the lewd words so sweetly, pressing soft kisses against your throat. You can feel his cock prodding at your thigh, narrowly missing your hole with each slow thrust he makes. He's just grinding against you right now, waiting for you to give him the go ahead.

You nod, Kaeya's excitement palpable as you feel his cock twitch against you. You hear him rub some more lube on himself, sighing softly with pleasure as he runs his palm over his shaft. You appreciate the work he's putting in for you, spreading your legs more and trying to stay relaxed for him.

You look up at him as he puts his hand on the side of your head, readjusting the pillow under your hips to keep you comfortable. He bites his lip at the sound of your breath catching when he starts to press into your hole, somehow getting harder when your hands brace against his chest as you gasp.

"Already? So soon darling," he coos, unshed tears in your eyes exciting him more than it should.

"I'm just nervous. You're so big and I know once you're inside it'll feel so good but I just need to catch my breath."

"Take all the time you want. I don't want to hurt you after all."

The next time he tries he manages to at least pop the tip through, the moan you let out like music to his ears as he tries his best not to cum just from that. No, he needs to fuck you senseless first, just shallowly thrusting into you as you adjust to the feeling of him inside of you.

Just from this, he can see the drooling mess you've become thanks to his cock, kissing you hard to try and distract himself from the burning in his gut.

"It feels so good," you whimper, Kaeya nodding and pressing more kisses against your forehead.

"You're doing so good for me. See? Just a little bit of patience and you'll be taking all of me inside of you like a champ," he praises. You meekly hold him, glad that this time he's waiting a lot longer to fuck you deeper.

Kaeya doesn't press in further until you start rocking your hips back on him, sliding down a little bit more and making him moan. He follows your lead, scolding you gently when you begin shaking your head and writhing in mild discomfort.

"Shh, shh, it'll be okay. You can take me, I know you can. Just let me get in further?"

He stays perfectly still, wishing more than anything he could just ram himself inside of you fully but wanting to make sure that you wanted it to. The way you scratch down his chest makes him see stars, doing his best to keep his hips where they are.

"Please, Kaeya. Just - just fuck me. I'll tell you if it hurts, but I think the wait is making it worse." Your slight begs are tinted with needy whines and that's all it takes for Kaeya to pull out all the progress he's made and sink himself back in balls deep inside of you.

Your back arches sharply, moaning pathetically as the sudden intrusion makes you cum around him again. Thankfully, it relaxes your body further but it's still so incredibly tight around him. Kaeya can't help but start fucking into you almost ruthlessly, moaning right into your ear about how good you feel.

"Fuck your hole's so fucking tight. You're doing so fucking good taking me like this. You like it, don't you? Being ruined by a cock that you can barely fit inside that cute little hole of yours?"

His filthy words don't help at all, clenching even tighter over him as you cry from the overstimulation he's pushing onto your body. You know he's always right, that yes, it might take some time but the second he's fucking you like he means it there's nothing more that you want him to do.

He makes you cum over and over again, and despite your body feel like it's going to melt into the puddle of sweat and cum underneath you you can feel every vein on his length. He's so big, touching every part inside of you that needs to be touched, shooting his load so far inside of you that you can feel it warming up your chest.

You know it's always a good idea to trust Kaeya, and you've never been given a reason to regret that decision.

[hot-astrology]

Unconditional love

Love is distrubuted thought out the world in many ways and sectors. Its the major contribution that helps the world and humanity evolve. It doesn't take no energy, no effort, nor money, to give it to the person you love the most! Now that we are on this topic of Love, love was said to be one of the most strongest and best gifts we have here to connect to one another. Its has been stories of people saving love ones, animals from their death beds, from a hug, someone saying they love them, expressing their concern and love towards that person while they were unconscious and the person woke up from comas, accidents and situations that they shouldn't have made it back home.

With that being said! Its alot of different types of love that people push out. This love type is so magnificent and unappreciated. Yes! Unconditional love! Which many never heard of or displayed it or flat out dont know how to show it. The definition of Unconditional love in my words ( Its when you accepting the flaws, mishaps, misfortunes and shortcomings of another individual. You accept their traits, views, past and future aspirations even when its not aligned with your own beliefs or future goals. When they are sick, ill, feeling bad, not the same and cant be there for you like they use to you still understand their situation and circumstances.

Its when you are married for years, your wife or husband, and they are not looking the same, their appearance start to change, their best features start to deminish. You may have to help them walk, get up, use the the restroom, wash up and eat. So many sacrifices would have to be made in this new transition of life. All the superficial and glam you appreciated about this person would fade away. Your true love will be tested and given opportunities to understand what real love is. Facing their pains, hurts, ups and downs and their dark sides that you never thought you would see.

People tend to only want to give love to people who they see fit with their likings, who they benefit from, like their appearance, give them comfortability, and their status. Now this goes a long way, not only a spose, girlfriend, boyfriend, it also applies to family, friends, strangers, coworkers and humanity in all. When your love is so great and strong and it have no limitations or focus on details or a particular person, thing, object, its powerful. It comes from a whole different part in your essence that everyone cant understand or fantom. You begin to unlock gateways and open portals to a more devine love.

When you are able to understand, and feel for a person unconditionally without judgment its a whole different energy that attracts better outcomes and situations. You work from whole different part of your soul essence then others, you treat that person like you want to be treated and you give things to them without looking for anything in return. Your hands are never out, but your heart is always open give more love and accept whatever is in return and usually not what you put out. The power of love is strong especially when its meaningful, true, authentic, real, and unconditional.

With all this being said and understood, and hopefully overstood, you all need to know that everyone is not here for the same experiences and have the same gifts to show the world. Many people have powerful love to give, as well but just go about it in different ways, so its no wrong or right here. But for the ones im talking about your love nature is one of a kind, its so impeccable, its a force to be reckoning with, exceptional, extraordinary, highly rated, remarkable, and soooo soooo soooo admired! By many and us. You all have a different type of capacity to deal with and understand love and its core level without being benefited from it in most cases.

These picks is our opinions. We came up with 4 that we feel like they are good zodiac signs that carry these attributes and qualities. It can or could be more, but we came up with these 4 from a deeper look inside each zodiacs mind, essence, soul, focus, and love nature. These zodiac signs showed us what we were looking for in this breakdown. So here are the 4 signs that made it to the top chart of our unconditional love series.

Leo

This fire sign brings nothing but loyalty, protection and love to the house hold. They are firm believers of powerful love and how you give it will impact your family or pack. They can be extraordinary, exaggerate and flamboyant but never false about their love for their love ones or whoever is around them. They will shower you with gifts, love, affection and charismatic finesse. Even tho they love flashy and extravagant lifestyles, they are never superficial about the love the give and and receive. They do love affection, admiration and validation. Their true nature is to protect, love, secure, appreciate and cherish the ones closest to their hearts. Its nothing they wont do for your love and to keep you happy. This sign is ruled by the heart, which leo represents courage, power, strength and loyalty. They stand up for those around them with their chest out and pride of it, who ever is around them feels their power and shiny presence. Their love runs deep and never stops, they understand what love is because they want it given to them in the same respect, at same time they dont have their hands out to receive anything from you, just want your time and closeness. They will be there at your hardest times, difficult measures and worst hours. They will boost your pride, wake your soul up and make sure you are getting the love and affection you deserve. This love is umatched and so real, you can feel their strong aura giving you the unconditional love your soul and heart needs.

Cancer

Warm, settling, loving, mother energy that warms your soul up at its core. When a person hears the zodiac name cancer they know they are your household name, known for mending the family, keeping everyone happy, making those warm fulfilling meals that touch your bones and soul. They have that motherly instinct and calling. The nuturer as they say, with such a soft heart for others feelings, emotions, and pains they still find a way to help out and provide time, emotional care, and strength to help the person overcome their barriers and life obstacles. Many wonder how can a energy be so soft, emotional and sensitive but yet be so strong and powerful. Hmmmmm that is something to have, thats why by far this is one of the most powerful zodiac signs, they have a unique gift that keeps giving and flourishing the more they be their selves and help humanity. They spose or families would love their hospitality and good warm nature as they prepare supper and a cozy house setting as they relax for the evening. They are there when you are sick, ill, cold, weak, hungry and just tired. The way this sign operates from the heart would have you thinking it rules the heart, but it doesn't. It rules the chest, breast and stomach, well the chest is the protection plate for the heart so i can see that. home is where the heart is, they will touch your heart in ways that cant be described. They will fight for you, speak up for you, and stay down for you. This sign loves hard and love emotional connections, so they will learn your emotions and help you release your own emotions to help you feel better. You can always count on this sign to understand your feelings and have sympathy for your downfall or ins and outs.

Virgo

Can be very critical at times but never let you down, always there to relieve you of your stress and pain. They will go out their ways to make you happy even when it jeopardizes their life or finances. So logical but so nuturing at the same time. Kinda like cancer but with a more analytical approach to the womb that needs healing. Their service oriented skills doesnt shy away from the chaos or obstacles. They are your hard service workers that show gratitude towards helping you. Thats why they are classified as the servers, but not just a server like that, they go beyond and above. They want to help you, heal you, make you better, see you succeed, support you, find your weaknesses, strengths and greatest gifts in you. This a a sign you never want to walk over and disrespect.or never show your appreciation for their services and time. Their hearts and care go a long way, they like that medical nurse thats on the line of duty in the military that has a AK on their shoulder, 9 mm on their hip, while bandaging you up and giving you words of advice and strategies help you on your way so you dont make the same mistakes. When you feel at your lowest and lost they will direct you in correct path. They will love you while still helping correct you. But their love is one of a kind, you will never want with them, they will support you as long as you stay who you are and appreciate they energy they giving you. They are mixed with brain power and nuturing skills which cant be bad at all. They have the healing touch as well, this sign has a unconditional love that operates from a analytical emotional stand point. But you can never lose with this zodiaz sign.

Picses

Now these mutable fishes are very skilled at understanding what happened, how it happened and what will make it better. They come from a ether realm approach to everything. They can feel the room out and see whos hurting or sick, they can touch their grandmothers shoulder and know shes in pain. All they go by is energy and actions, so they read what you do and how you do it more than words. Their presence can invite you and make you feel relaxed and calm. This is a mutable sign so they are more of a free energy that gets pulled and tugged multiple ways. Their energy is very sensitive like a cancer but more on a psychic aspect, they can heal you like a virgo, they can make you feel happy, and prideful like a leo. This sign is our top sign that we think that shows the most unconditional love. Their heart goes a long way without any reciprocation or need for appreciation. They will listen to you, help you, understand you, guide you, support you, acknowledge you. Their soul is free as a bird, if you around them its a no judgement zone and make you feel loved. They have some of the top healing powers, psychic abilities that will help you with sickness, mental health, or just life answers. They are by far one of the best friends to have, wont let you down, always available and want to see you reach your highest potential. You can feel their love and energy radiating from them. They love universally and look at all things as in 1 and all. When you around this type of energy you have no choice but to do right, prosper and succeed. They say picses have a god complex, well i dont think its them being that way, its more of them being the last zodiac sign, and impacted with all the other signs energies so they feel they experienced or have the capabilities as the other signs. Which may be truth, this sign is so powerful and use their love, intuition, and optimistic skills to navigate through this realm and help those around them to a better place in life. Once a picses touch your soul and heart you wont be the same, they make you look at life with a different view ( rose-colored glasses ) but sooner than later those glasses will be removed but over the time and mentality change and appreciation of the world and others as they are you will take them off and still create the world you want, and need to make your experience the best. These individuals will show you love and what it is to love someone without only looking on the outside. They dont judge you for what you lack, or what you did to them, for what lies you told and how you keep being the old same you, but they are there until you finally change or give in since they are so optimistic. The love is great, wonderful and abundant and sooooo joyful and unconditional with that you get swept away in their current and float in their cloud of Unconditional love and bliss.

[quixtrix]

let's talk BL manga lore; on grooming, identity, and racism

spoilers for the official captain laserhawk bl manga ofc, plus brief discussion of grooming I've refrained from speaking about it because of spoilers, but it's been well over a month and I believe that it's time to openly discuss it. if you would still like to read the manga before reading this discussion, here's the link to buy a physical copy and you can search up 'Captain Laserhawk: Crushing Love' in your digital book store for it. okay time to talk about two, basically three subjects; racism, identity, and grooming. i'm starting with the grooming first, because that's the main focus of this manga. i would have to preface this by saying i've already discussed this topic in an earlier post (albeit it is a prediction, but it is a spot on prediction.) i'll briefly elaborate on it right now with what we know.

dolph's very first day with alex was carefully calculated to where dolph would be exposed to the world, but heavily rely on alex. he is shown around to alex's friends and is able to buy his own clothes, but it is under the heavy scrutiny of alex. alex ultimately decides what dolph wears, alex decides how the day goes, alex leads dolph. even when they have a beach day, take note of how alex holds dolph, dragging him around.

even the romance and the events leading up to when alex takes dolph's virginity are calculated. note how alex grasps dolph's hand, grabbing on tight enough to almost press down on his knuckles, loosening his hand, making dolph relinquish control. the context for the fight page is that after their sweet lil beach day, alex takes dolph down an alley where alex knows that he'll come across people who aren't the fondest of him. this event was calculated, alex knew it was going to happen, and he used it to test out his new lil boytoy.

also, alex taking dolph out to fight isn't just so he can get in the pants of a barely 18 year old. while holloway notes during this flashback that adrenaline is the greatest aphrodisiac, this is a test to see how good the new weapon he picked up is. how the new boy works, to see how eden's boy robot can benefit his group, not just him. its literally in the morning panels we get where alex talks with that woman, anna. they're talking about how loaded he is with tech, and while alex does consider that, he still actively thirsts over dolph.

also im jus saying if i personally was talking with one of my greatest confidants and they refer to someone i'm thirsting over as KID, i would personally be icked out. i would have a conscious and not do some weird shit, like literally refer to dolph in passing as kid in the next page. dolph aint even the first one who alex has done this shit to, as evident by this line by one of his friends, grace.

alex is a groomer and groomed dolph, case closed.

anyways! time to get on with what i really wanted to talk about, how racism and loss of idenity ties into dolph's character!

in this manga, during pillow talk between dolph and alex, we get dolph's backstory. dolph literally has only known this man for a day and he's giving him lore because alex treats him more normal than eden did. god. ANYWAYS ENOUGH DWELLING ON DOLPH BEING A VICTIM IN ALL WAYS INCLUDING BEING ONE OF THE OXFORD STUDY, we get to know about his brief life before eden took him in.

now let me turn for a moment to the show, and how we were told about dolph's backstory. this is VASTLY different than what we got in the show, with it being implied that dolph's parents were a white prostitute and a darkskinned immigrant man. this adds onto the idea that this supposedly impoverished, crack addicted boy came into this world not as an act of love, but as a mistake. not just a mistake though, his parents are supposedly the epitome of immoral, a prostitute and a criminal. not to mention that this also ties into the idea of the uncultured brown man and pure white woman, basically a racist idea that the scary immigrants who aren't like us good white christian americans (and honestly jus any homogenous group in general, though in america its ofc more applicable to white people), are corrupting our mother marys, our women. eden takes on this perspective in order to subconsciously frame in the minds of post american viewers the idea of this man as an other that they are helping and didn't at all snatch up from his mother for child experimentation. the concept of other is something that finds it's origins in fascism, and in order to mask the presence of said fascism, someone who is seen as apart of the other is given a seat at the table with the collective us, (as in the majority, or the ones that are supposedly superior), and will ultimately serve as an example of why the other are labelled as such. i go into this more with my rayman analysis. I brought up the specific portrayal of dolph's backstory from eden's documentary to showcase how eden has manipulated the view people have of this man. eden has not only manipulated the view of the in universe audience, but eden has manipulated our view.

in the propaganda documentary, we are shown photos of this man being a captain, someone of relatively high rank in the military. you can't even normally earn that through having an education, you'd have to have years of experience. he's portrayed as older than he is.

another thing, dolph fans, let's be honest with ourselves; before the manga, it was not uncommon to headcanon that man as a FREAK. with both the supposed images of dolph at a nightclub and the flashback of alex and dolph meeting outside a club, it wasn't too hard to think that the hottest man alive in that show who was fully born human was a freak. a sexual deviant. someone that a christian mother would be horrified enough by that she faints. the manga however, shows us that dolph really isn't any of that. hell, he didn't even get to go to a club before he met alex. in reality, he's around 18 years and his only sexual experience is his groomer.

say that again with me, he's around 18. he's just around 18, he's a young adult, and the environment he's grown up in has stunted him by treating him as a subject, a thing, cutting him off from anything that would humanise this child by not allowing him to see his mother. hell, even his childhood best friend serves eden by being the one in his ear, having him at her beck and call all in the name of eden.

we get none of dolph's true backstory in the show for any number of reasons. maybe it's on purpose, maybe it's a result of having to possibly cut down episodes, who knows? what matters though is that this adds a layer to the core problem defining dolph's life; the perspective others have on him warping who he is.

back to the pages with dolph's memories of his mother, we see dolph as he was when he was just a boy. he's his mama's boy, her son, a child. even when eden takes him in, he stubbornly clings to that bit of him that's pure, untainted by the idea of him being an experiment, a tool. this bit of him, this hint towards who he is supposed to be as a person, is something he clings to desperately. it leads him to follow eden's orders again because they promise that they've found his mother.

and yknow what happened with who dolph was told was supposedly his mother?

she was just a random ass indian woman.

wasn't even the right woman. they just used his identity issues because he's indian, and she was indian and in a cult that eden needed to take care of.

this, while admittedly is kind of funny, (like the confusion is funny in the moment look at ts) is actually fucked up crazy racism. they literally said that this random ass woman who happened to be indian was his mother like HELL!?!??!?!?

this insane fr. lucy didn't even double check LIKE GIRL THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR FRIEND'S MOTHER WHO HE HASNT SEEN SINCE HE WAS LIKE 6 AND YOU DIDNT EVEN DOUBLE CHECK IF SHE'S THE RIGHT PERSON?!?!?!?

moving on from that, this actually brings up a deeper layer of dolph's identity issues; the lack of cultural identity.

i want to preface this by saying that i am not entirely sure if this is the right term for this identity issue nor am i claiming to be an expert on the type of identity crisis that i am about to discuss. that being said, this specific disconnect of cultural identity that dolph has is actually reminiscent of those adopted from other countries, or transnational adoptees. there seems to be a need within these adoptees to find out more about their own heritage or their own mothers and families that they now struggle to find. while dolph does not actively go out to reconnect with his heritage, he does exhibit desires to find his birth mother. this type of identity issue seems to ask the question of 'what could I have been if...?,' and it tends to mess with the idea of the self. adoptees that struggle with this question hold a desire to go back, to almost reclaim what would have been. yes, dolph is not adopted into a family, but he is still a child under the care of eden, which became like his family, which is why i believe that this kind of identity issue could reasonably be applied to dolph. it explains why he does what he does in the manga, and how it's ultimately wrapped up by him losing this desire and moving forward. albeit he moves forward by alex instead becoming his main purpose, but this serves as the first chain of the past that he leaves behind. with this, he severs a tie that would have made him continue to be stuck under eden's control, and possibly find himself. he answers the question of what could have been with 'it doesn't matter anymore.'

but actually, he doesn't answer that question. he leaves it be.

i am reading way too into this tho lol. i would say that he doesn't explicitly say it, and that we do see a lack of dolph's past being used against him in that way because dolph has freed himself from that part, but in reality, it's because eden can't pull the same trick twice. im aware that the manga focuses HARD on dolph's grooming, but i feel like they really could have properly wrapped up dolph's identity arc with his mother if it was acknowledged at the end, but i fear we are left unsatisfied. that's one of my gripes with the manga. it gives us things that tie up loose ends, but some of these ties have entirely missed the holes they were supposed to secure. but what is done is what's done, and here we are.

tl;dr, dolph was groomed by alex. dolph's identity has also been warped by eden heavily, by how they dehumanised him as a child to be a weapon internally, to how he's shown to the public to be a case that they've saved, and yet he still becomes something that is "disgraceful." textbook example of this poor boy that we have saved that is actually jus like all the others that we know. dolph also suffers under similar identity issues as adopted children do, and this specific issue of his is let go in order to allow him to begin moving on and finding himself.

as always, im open to discussion and critique! my askbox is open as well if you want me to yap abt smth else in the show :P

[turtlestm]

i think this art has deeper meanings that no one talks about (banana fish theory)

take this opinion with a grain of salt because im definitely not someone who's been a long-time fan of banana fish therefore im relatively fresh in this fandom. i also havent read the entirety of the manga so take that too. this is just my thoughts on this art from angel eyes

yall ready? okay so here's my take: when ash initially conceptualizes someone who desires him, eiji in this case, he approaches it as if it's sexual rather than emotionally sensual because it's all he's known desire as. the only way he's known desire directed towards him is a sexual desire, one for his body in one way or another. however, when eiji shows his desire for ash, he desires his whole self, inside and out and all the ugly parts, therefore gazing deeply into ash's eyes, his soul.

this also makes me think abt the fact that in the prison scene, ash decided to kiss eiji right on the lips even though he didnt really have to (let's face it, he could've given the note thru a handshake) despite eiji showing no desire for his body prior to this, but he inadvertently showed that he wants to stick by ash's side despite hardly knowing him. ash probably was using that kiss to test the waters in some sort of way, most likely how eiji would respond rather than if he himself would enjoy the kiss.

i don't think ash had fully formed any kind of actual romantic feelings for eiji at that point, but i do think he was trying to convey a genuine trust for eiji when he kissed him back then while eiji didn't seem to really care for kissing ash and only stuck around for him

with this example i mean to say that ash saw the way eiji was treating him and how he showed ash kindness and wanted to test to see if ash's company or whatever is really what eiji wants by kissing him and seeing how eiji would respond. but since eiji doesn't seem to care about ash for any ulterior motive or sexual attraction, eiji's innocence shines through and he sees ash as only ash, not as his body or his benefits

this is especially meaningful to their relationship and development because this indicates that eiji has seen ash for who he is from the start. i also believe things probably would have turned out a bit worse (at least on an internal level) if eiji kissed back, which would probably have shattered some of the trust that ash had placed in him so early.

someone also mentioned on twitter the composition of this art rather than just the poses themselves; eiji is above ash, as if initiating an act while ash is grappling with how he should feel about his sexual attraction to eiji. as ash's story has not given him the freedom or bodily autonomy to decide a sexuality for himself (even taking away the one person he liked when he was fourteen, a.k.a. his one chance he had to explore his sexuality at his own will), he technically doesn't exactly have his own sexuality discovered and thus does not know how to interpret the way he feels about eiji. yes there is love, yes there is affection, and yes he does open himself up to eiji in ways he would never open up to anyone else in his life, but sexual interactions have been so tainted in his eyes due to his trauma. he only has ever been taught to associate sex acts with trauma so eiji is new to him.

eiji is not just an experience, but a person. the type of relationship they have is new to both characters. it's eiji's first time experiencing romantic love (as far as we know) and it's ash's first time experiencing sexuality that he doesn't want to run away from.

it's clear that ash wants intimacy and he wants to accept that desire, but it is a rough journey for him that eiji is willing to stick around to see through. that's probably why eiji is initiating the kiss here, because he wants to give ash a little push to evaluate how he feels here. i believe that he is waiting for ash to respond and ash's eyes scan eiji's lips while eiji watches his eyes to see what ash observes.

[calcja]

SAINT OR SLUT PT. 2

CHARACTERS: Haitani Ran, Haitani Rindou, Kokonoi Hajime

THEMES: 18+//NSFW//PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK ❗️❗️

SYPNOSIS: Here's what i think whether these bonten members are virgins or nah

A/N: Hello! this is the pt. 2 of Saint or Slut. Thank you very much for liking the first one! I DIDNT EXPECT THAT IT WOULD HAVE THAT MANY LIKES SO THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE HUHUHUHU!!! Again, There might be some grammars and spellings error bc english is not my first language.

❗️This does not follow the manga❗️

❗️Bonten timeskip, They're not minors here anymore❗️

❗️I do not own any images here. CREDITS TO THE RIGHTFUL OWNERS ❗️

link to first part:

• RAN HAITANI

• 😁😁😁😁... no.

• He's not a virgin anymore. End of the topic.

• Ran is a high maintenance guy, He canonically likes to take care of himself, inside and out. Ran seems to be the type of guy who fills up his needs and wants as a man.

• Now every guy have already imagined themselves having sex AND wanting sex, most of them engage into it just like Ran.

• Just like Sanzu, this man always do his job first especially when it benefits him (and his bro)

• Ran might not be THAT slut but he's a BIG FLIRT especially to girls his types

• idk but i dont rlly see him fuck some random bitches, THIS MAN HAS STANDARDS. he would probably test that person first before he leads them to bed and what i meant by testing is flirting w them first duhhh

• RINDOU HAITANI

• Not a virgin anymore

• Just the fact that he's a DJ in Ropponggi says it all. He's a club owner. He's a Haitani.

• He spends his free time at his own club or sometimes at the club he and his brother own, hosting parties and socializing w other people.

• It's either u're the one who's gonna approach him at the dj booth or he's the one who's going to approach u when u got his eyes and attention.

• Rindou would be the type of guy to chat w u first and have a nice conversation before u end up on his bed

• Would definitely interrogate u first abt what type of music u like lol

• I can see him fucking u in a much more private settings not just in some bathrooms or small romms or what

• This is so random but he gives me "i'm alrdy taken" vibes 😲😲😲

• Kokonoi Hajime

• yuhhh (a virgin)

• cmon give my man a break

• He's defo the most stressed person at bonten

• Always busy. 24/7 paperworks. short breaks.

• He's too busy to fuck w someone, bro just want 8 hours of sleep.

• but im sure he alrdy made out w someone

•If he ever will makeout w someone, i dont see him meeting someone to makeout w at some club like the other members but rather i see him at the office or sumthn

• Koko rlly needs to know u first before he gets freaky w u, It will take long bcs he needs to be comfy w u first.

a/n: That's all! thanks again for reading the first part of this series

[emmyrosee]

hiya emmy :D i was reading ur dad aus, and i thought ‘what if emmy wrote older sibling aus?’ and i wanted to request one :) somehow im a complete softie for ur bakugou, so i wanted to request an older brother bakugou who ten years older than his lil sis, and she absolutely adores him. i think shed be like ‘katsu-nī’ all the time, and be around five? six? when he gets into UA. idk why but im imagining him calling her ‘kid’ or ‘brat(in a nice way, u know?)’ and when hes rlly soft, maybe ‘sweetheart’ when she has nightmares? and maybe when he gets captured, shes so scared that she cant sleep well, and after he comes back, she begs to sleep with him, and mama mitsuki finds her kids sleeping together during the night, with bakugous lil sis clinging to him like her life depends on it and bakugou having an arm around her. and maybe when she was younger, shed enter bakugous room randomly, and sit on his lap while he does hw or study? and shed have all kinds of nicknames for his friends, for instance, she likes to call midoriya ‘zuku-nī’ and kirishima ‘aka-nī’ cuz he had red hair and calls the rest of them by their first names and ‘san’ at the end :) thx for listening to my rant and i hope ur having a good day, and u stay healthy :)

-sky :D

WAIT NO THIS IS ACTUALLY LIKE. REALLY REALLY CUTE-

Because like. Yeah, the last thing the boy needs in his life is a new sibling, he needs that like he needs a UTI.

But then she comes along and he’s like… like he’s obsessed with her.

He tries to hide it under indifference, he doesn’t really care that there’s gonna be a new, tiny presence in his home, he’s got enough to take care of.

That is, until Bakugou Kaida comes into this world.

Until the smallest, sweetest bundle of pink blankets is passed into his arms and it’s then and only then he realizes that he’s doomed, because this kid was going to absolutely have him wrapped around her finger, and come hell or high water, he’d keep her the happiest little brat to walk the face of the earth.

And he is sure to have her grow up with that knowledge.

One time, when she was three, someone pushed her on the playground, and Katsuki nearly punted a four year old- he, instead, told her how to push back (which wasn’t appreciated by his parents) and stand her ground.

However, said ‘happiest brat mantra,’ she knows exactly how to make it curve him for her benefit.

When he’s left to babysit her, she flashes him her biggest set of puppy eyes to make him play with her; his parents have come home god knows how many times to him with a table cloth draped over his back, playing Horsies- she does it more when Midoriya is the horse, because he can’t say no to her either, but anytime she says “Zuku-ni would do it” to Katsuki, he immediately drops on his hands and knees with a snarl on his mouth. Like hell he’s gonna let Midoriya win her heart like that.

And listen, the kid is cute, and she’s got that classic Bakugou charm. She knows how to work it! But Katsuki can’t help the absolute rage down his spine when she’s got her tiny arms curled around Kirishima’s thick neck and they tease him about when they’re gonna get married because yeah, of course, she wants to marry his friends, because why can’t she be disgusted by them like he is?

(”Yeah, bakubro, you’re cool being my best man for it, right?”

“I’d rather skin you alive and drape you over my banister before I let you come near her with a ring pop, do not test me-”)

But obviously, no matter what, for Kaida’s happiness, Katsuki is willing to move boulders, move mountains, part seas, and swallow the stars if it meant she would smile for him.

So, when he gets taken by the LOV, it’s wild how much Kaida deflates. Mitsuki catches her, more times than not, curled up on his bed to sleep for her nap, and at nighttime, she stares longingly outside of her window to wait for him. They try to be gentle and explain that he’ll be back soon, but she doesn’t believe them, she wants to see it with her own eyes.

They put her back to bed, but she’s up a few hours later, perched at her window and whimpering softly. They try to keep her in their bed, but all she does is ask questions about Katsuki until the early hours of the morning, things they don’t always know the answer to.

Those were the longest days of her little life, and when they finally get the call that he’s alright, he’s alive, it’s an extremely tearful reunion. And Katsuki, the hellion and wall of impenetrable rage, screws his eyes shut to fight the stabbing of tears that want to fall into her hair.

Kaida absolutely refuses to let him out of her sight after that.

The entire time they’re talking to the school, her big, crimson eyes are blinking up at him, tiny fingers curled in his shirt collar. Completely unfazed by the snapping between her parents and brother, she just. Stares. She doesn’t smile, she doesn’t frown, she doesn’t pout. It’s just a simple, blank face with all her emotions and relief in her eyes.

Even after the whole ordeal, there’s a part of Kaida that treasures Katsuki (somehow) even more. Anytime he’s home, she’s clinging to him, be it physically by dangling to his back and legs, or simply being in the same room with him: next to him at the dinner table, sleeping on his bed while he’s at his desk, playing with his fingers while he watches tv.

He’d be annoyed by it if she wasn’t so cute.

If he didn’t miss her almost as much as she missed him.

It’s different when he’s away at school and can call her whenever he wants; he hates how much he loves the little snot.

Even now, curled into his side and sucking her thumb while they watch TV, Katsuki knows that if he gets up to merely pee, she’s gonna follow him and sit on the outside of the door, talking to him under the door. (The first time Deku saw that in action, he cooed audibly, and Katsuki nearly ran out of the can with his pants undone to blow him to shit.) and he’d never be able to complain about it.

Sometimes, he can’t help but putting off whatever it is he needs to do, to keep her comfy.

It’s what big brothers do.

“Katsu-ni?” She hums around her thumb. Big eyes look up at him, and he scratched her hair gently.

“What’s up?”

She pauses, as if trying to find the words, her tiny brows furrowed in thought. Then, she speaks, words warbled from the digit in her mouth.

“You think mumma gon’ notice if I go back ta’ school wiff you? In your back-packie?”

He snorts and tightens his arm around her, burrowing his face in her hair to hide the sound. She squeals and bats him away affectionately, completely crawling in his lap when she deems he’s too far from her.

“I think she might, stink.”

Kaida pouts and thunks her head against his chest, the fingers of her free hand fisting his collar. “Do ya have to go…?”

“You know I do,” he grumbles, hooking a lock of hair behind her ear, once again burying his face in her hair. The only noise for a moment comes from the TV, and he focuses on the rhythmic breathing from his little brat.

“You don’t have to think about that for a few more days,” he says, planting a kiss to her head and choosing to fight the way his eyes water when she sniffles softly. “You can use me as a jungle gym for a few more days.”

This, has her giggling, and he angles his head up at the ceiling because this is always the hardest part about being home, especially since he was kidnapped.

“I don’t like when you leave, Katsu-ni,” she mumbles.

“I know, baby.”

“Make me miss you…”

“I know- you know I miss you too.”

“Wish you didn’t have to keep goin’ ‘way…”

He swallows again.

“I know.”

[mixupmycota]

muttering about things that bother me because tumblr forces me onto the For You timeline at least five times and day and i read so fast and subsequently keep being hit with takes that make me want to bang my head against the wall

i do not understand complaints around lack of kiss animations for lucanis in veilguard aside from wishing from the bottom of my heart that larian had not chosen in post-release content for bg3 to focus in on making a ton of extra ones

but it's like

it bothers me

when part of the goal is to write more fleshed out and real people, who react like real people do to circumstances that they are in...that includes having different personal comfort levels with different kinds of intimacy

it includes having different lines for what they consider to be a sign of commitment or interest

it includes them needing time, or space, to process how they feel about developing feelings for another person in an extremely fraught situation with no certainty of survival, and where survival is put to the test very often actually in the main plot

i have seen more than one comment about these games being "glorified dating sims" and that bothers me for a bunch of reasons but like

as a narrative dev and writer in general, my own goals in romantic works are to write *people*. Messy, complicated people. I don't think about tropes, beyond wanting to do checks to be sure I haven't wandered into bad territory. I'm not trying to hit checklists of conventions. It's more than fine to do that, but it's not what I ever particularly want to do.

that includes giving characters the ability to deny. to hold back. to be anxious, and in their own heads, and to keep things to themselves.

sometimes you need to put more effort in with people. you need to consider how they might be feeling, and give them space, and let them come to you when they are ready.

if someone just wants a quick fling, or something hot and steamy, that's fine! that's okay!!

but like

for my part i initially wondered if there might be a bug with the romance and material wasn't firing - and, maybe there is! who knows! - but i quickly realized that probably wasn't the case, and lucanis is just very reserved, very overwhelmed, and also very busy. i simply considered how he was probably feeling, and then was serene.

i understand wanting more, because like

if we love characters we want to spend more time with them, this is natural

but i think a lot of people would benefit from considering the romance from his point of view.

a man who has never been in a relationship, might never have kissed anyone or had sex to start with, but who is a living weapon. taught to use charm and style as additional weapons, but he's not very good at it. he has scripts. when things go off script, he falters. he openly says multiple times that illario is the one who is good at seduction and charm, not him.

he says that rook is his only friend other than illario. he considers himself too much of a monster to count as anyone else's, no matter how supportive others are in the lighthouse crew. he considers himself a failure for so many things. his self-esteem is absolutely terrible. the lighthouse gives him what he truly needs, and that's a quiet nook in the back of the kitchen. the main changes to his environment are in the dining room, with the increasing numbers of casks and supplies, and i'm pretty sure he's providing that. he food hoards.

he needs minimal stimulation. he often needs to be left alone, and he needs to be able to make good food. he is fresh out of a genuinely torturous environment, describes what he had to do to survive that to davrin. the level of disassociation involved was profound. he completely closed himself off from feeling things for an entire year until he got the opportunity to begin making his escape. a process not dissimilar to what cassandra describes for becoming a Seeker. except Spite sticks around.

he needed spite to survive, on multiple levels.

as far as im aware we don't know how long the plot of the game is estimated to take. at least two months is accounted for, i think. i'd put it at somewhere between six months to a year at a guess.

i think a lot about the fight against zara

how she makes us fight her naked, how she uses her sexuality as a weapon (just like illario)

and yeah like there's a whole blood bathing vampire queen aesthetic thing going on there, but it harrowed me. it made my blood run cold. he has so much hate for zara specifically, more than he does for the warden who oversaw his suffering on the day to day and whose contract is the reason he was captured.

there's a lot that isn't said. there's a lot lucanis probably would not open up about for years and years. from notes in the ossuary we can conclude that she was trying to put an envy demon in him, her method failed, and she refused to accept that and was furious about it.

there's a high possibility that lucanis knew about zara and illario and just repressed the fuck out of it. held on to every possible window for her to have been lying to him.

there are a lot of things to consider.

so no i dont mind that there isn't a kiss scene sooner. i don't mind that for this man, a show of commitment and care for him is to specifically create a meal that pairs with rook's favourite drink.

i think he's absolutely terrified from the moment he realizes this isn't just surface level flirting. he's terrified by how vulnerable rook makes him feel, after a year of not feeling anything at all.

he has one of my favourite romances in any bioware title. he reminds me in some way of the first of their characters I ever fell in love with, back in the neverwinter nights days. sometimes less is more, if you are open too it.

lucanis went through a lot of re-writes, yeah. i don't know why so many people are assuming that means his character was diluted or spoiled in some way, instead of refining and discarding things that didn't work, and distracted from his overall character arc.

having seen how people discard vast swathes of astarion's character arc, i am willing to put money on the same thing happening to lucanis had they included things like the bathing scene from concept art, or more dates.

idk i just like

i don't go into romances personally expecting to receive intimacy as a reward. i go into them because i or the character im playing care about the character a lot, and would find them appealing, and would want to get to know them better. often the only vector to do that in rpg's are through romance, and veilguard did a LOT to mitigate problems on that front and allow for emotionally intimate friendships without needing to romance a character. we have more care and detail on that front than bioware have ever given us.

MARKETING pushed the romances front and center, because that's a selling point. MARKETING also made the first trailers, and has pushed the weird parasocial angle with the actors for each character. MARKETING does not inherently reflect the actual narrative vision for the video game, and we know some of the devs were unhappy with the trailer.

so. idk.

throws hands up. im tired. i hope people calm down soon.

[sbk-zgvlt]

Ok. Here me out. Sebek in Octinavelle. It’s canon that if Sebek had to choose any other dorm to be in, he’d choose Octinavelle on the basis of picking up more people skills for Malleus’ political benefit. Think about it. Sebek, uptight and an adamant rule follower whose not that great with hidden meanings and the like, being stuck with Azul and the Tweels, arguably the sleaziest sons of bitches on campus. It’d be the FUNNIEST shit on this earth bro.

Sebek working in the lounge (playing WAITER of all things; it’s priceless seeing Azul begging Sebek to not accidentally scare the customers off), Azul trying his HARDEST to instill some business sense into Sebek and get him to pick up some habits worthy of a member of Octinavelle (It’s not working) (Sebek has no fucking clue how to do the whole bargaining thing, he’s incapable of lying)

Sebek and the Tweels interacting?? PLEASE. Jade just likes messing with him. Floyd likes to mess with him as well (he says outta pocket shit to try and rule Sebek up) (It works.) They’ve actually gotten to the point of physical altercation because Floyd was still trying to figure Sebek out and didn’t know WHEN exactly to stop pushing so hard.

I'll be honest I thought he would choose Octavinelle because there's a chance that salmon could be there/hj

BUT OH MY GODDDDDD SEBEK GET OUT OF THERE OCTAVINELLE ARE DRAMATIC AND FEEL THE NEED TO USE CRYPTIC FUCKING RIDDLES DURING DAY TO DAY SPEECH YOUR AUTISTIC LOOKS WILL NOT CAPTIVATE THEM

Just imagining Azul trying to get Sebek to understand business lingo but failing immediately. "Sebek, don't bother boiling the ocean." "???? IM RE-ORGANIZING THESE FILES. WHERE DOES THE OCEAN COME IN."

Sebek scared off the customers at first but the first brave student who decided to give him a shot quickly found out that Sebek...is not fit for social interactions. He asked him what he'd recommend from the menu and Sebek covered his face with it while groaning in pain. They felt so bad for him they took the notepad from him and wrote down their order instead 😭

Azul never made him play waiter ever again

They realized he was incapable of lying when Floyd suddenly ran up to him and told him to not tell Azul where he was or else he'll squeeze him. He hid in a closet. Azul rounded the corner and asks Sebek in an impatient tone where Floyd was. Sebek asked him who Floyd was.

...Floyd was too shocked with how BAD Sebek was at lying he didnt bother going through with his threat

THEY DEFINITELY FOUGHT 😭😭😭 Floyd finds it fun that they have their own prominent freshman of the dorm! Sure, there are other freshmen, but theyre....eh. Nothing too special. Sebek on the other hand BAWLED when he was assigned to Octavinelle and tried to sleep in the courtyard of Diasomnia (It was too cold) (He returned to Octavinelle). This kid is FUCKED UP Floyd wants to shake him around.

Jade meanwhile wants to observe him in a fucking petri dish. Constantly compares Sebek's crocodile form to his, Floyd's and Azul's. Wonders out loud who would win in a fight between a crocodile, octupus, and an eel. Sebek isnt entirely too picky about food because anything better than Lilia's is a GODSEND, so he's the perfect test subject for all of Jade's dishes. Sebek is clueless to how far his mushroom obsession can go.

Azul has to take care of the tweels AND Sebek. He has to make sure that Sebek doesnt get into a fight with another Octavinelle member because Sebek didnt pick up on their sarcasm, tries to jump into any and every body of water, and let his temper get the best of him when the tweels mess around with him.

[evilcokito]

How’s Angel Sam going Coco~

HEHEHEHEH look it was brain- rotting in my head for awhile so like might as well share it with you here.

Angel Sam who’s burnt up his beautiful wings just for a chance to touch you with his own hands. He fell quite literally just for you, isn’t that just so romantic of him?

But he’s well aware he can’t freeload off your kindness forever… Sam hates seeing you so stressed over finance, so he gets a part-time job to help you out, and elevate your worries, even just by a bit.

He doesn’t tell you about it, though. The most you got out of him was a chuckle, and a light peck on your cheek as Sam tells you not to worry about it~ Let your angel keep some of his secrets, hm?

Imagine your surprise when you see him behind the counter of your local bar, dressed in an ebony black suit, sleeves rolled up till his elbows. Sam blinks at you in mild surprise, as he grins mischievously. Well, well. A guardian angel and his beloved meet in a bar… this sounds like a beginning of a joke.

Either way, he beckons you over. Telling you to pull up a seat right in front of him, as Sam busies himself making a personalised cocktail just for you. Sam puts on a show, twisting and tossing the cocktail mixer. His heart just leaps a beat whenever you gaze meets him, admiration in your eyes. Those hands of his were truly magic, juggling the metallic container with practised ease.

Once he pours it out for you, you’re transfixed by the way it seems like liquid mist, purple trendies curling through the drink. Dancing seductively within the glass. You hold it up to the light, only to notice the purple was the exact same shade as his eyes.

The same pair of eyes that were staring at you softly, affection apparent within his gaze. The gentle sort of affection that would benefit a lover. So filled with love.

He nudges the cup closer to your lips. It’s a special service, y’know? A personalised cocktail, just for you. Sam tried his best to make it something you’ll like, so take a sip already, hm?

It’s just for you.

He’s just for you.

You have no idea of ​​the magnitude of what you just caused. I went from 100% to 1000%. Totally insane right now. Completely.

LORD HAVE MERCY.

WHAT HAPPENED??? YOU LOST YOUR KITSUNE CATER SO YOU HAVE TIME TO COME ATTACK ME?? LET'S SEE IF YOU TIE THAT FOX BETTER!!!??? HOLY SHIT- WHAT'S HAPPENING??? THOSE RED ROPES WERE NOT STRONG ENOUGH OR WHAT??!!

CERU I READ THIS MANY TIMES IN THE DAY, THE STUPID DOVE - FRIED THE WINGS. HAVE A LOT OF THINGS TO SAY BUT IM IN A STATE OF CONSTANT SHOCK EVERY TIME READ THAT- FIND SAM IN A BAR? THE BARTENDER ANGEL?! COULD THE GUY BE MORE PERFECT??? NO- CAN'T!!!?? DAMN PIGEON, HATE IT!!

You walk into a bar -> totally me.

AN ANGEL IN A BAR??? WITH SUIT ROLLED UP SLEEVES MY LORD HAVE MERCY DON'T MAKE ME SIN IS GOD TESTING?? SENDING A SENSUAL DOVE OR WHAT???

My brain runs, imagine the "human" Sam, his shadow projects his wings even though he no longer has them. What kind of abilities will the angels have beyond human understanding??? Altering destiny could prevent something from happening since you are quite careless. Well angels don't have that much control unless they are rebellious, fallen, wingless angels.

Mhh? talk too much?

Screamed and cried a lot but you know me, can't help it.

[spiders-notagain]

Vulcan Education

I haven't seen much else on what Vulcan Schools are suppossed to look like so I came up with my own. Intermixed are some bits I like from Memory Beta. Im ignoring all the parts from 20 yrs and after because it may only be applicable to the Lyr Zor clan and isnt compatible with Alpha canon anyway.

kan-tuihal-shi'oren (Nursery School): Ages 3-5

Its not a necessary prerequisite for primary school but many parents consider it to be important in the schooling process anyway. Benefits include the fundamentals in most every subject for primary school, peer socialization, and a variety of new ideas (er well vulcan-filtered ideas). A bigger emphasis is made on the arts in this school than in later schools. Students learn and perform dances for their parents and community.

Vulcan toddlers are capable of a great deal of self sufficiency when well taught, however not all parents have the time to cover all the basics and can't afford the multiple tutors some clans spring for (or just choose not to).

Newborn children til the age of four were known to take part in visual mathematics, basical calculation as well as beginning the neurological organization of their brains which was followed by an identity meld. By the time they were four, they began mathematics and species identification as well as began to coordinate the use of their physical bodies. Furthermore, algebra, geometry and physics dominated their study life at this time.

During their early education, Vulcan children took part in a curriculum where they learnt the most rudimentary telesper skills to better control their innate telepathic abilities.

nenik-shi'oren (Primary School): Ages 6-14

Schooling is largely made up of lectures and frequent homework, intermixed with regular progress testing via skill domes. Skill domes also serve a part in final exams. With the exception of certain classes, in-classwork is rare. Schoolwork is done mostly through padds. It's more reminiscent of a college with a few differences: 1. Youre not allowed to skip lectures 2. More classes are required as per graduation. In some classes, resources are provided and learning is mostly self directed. There are multiple education paths that come more into play by graduation but primary school is generally understood to be non-specific. By the graduation of this school, children would have the education equivalent up to 14th grade. Classes are separated by skill level rather than age, although most classes happen to be made up of children around the same age anyway. Many 'fun' events (like crafts or holiday parties) that would be common in schools of other species do not exist in vulcan schools. Although some teachers of alien cultures include a sampler of such activities in their lesson plans. Because they are young, children are permitted frequent mental breaks as a sort of vulcan pomodoro technique to increase productivity. As they get older they will be expected to train their mind to do this naturally.

While most schools go over the basics of psychic training, the bulk of it is expected to be handled by family. Usually by a parent but some clans have someone who specializes in it. This is also the kind of thing some families get a tutor for.

An informal social heirarchy forms between students as they hit certain milestones, with these students being admired as older and more mature. At 7, their kan-telan (bonding ceremony). And at 10, their kahs-wan. The latter being more important and noticable. (The kahs-wan can be taken as early as 7 but not often)

When they were eight, children began preliminary telepathic communication and were taught etiquette as well as their clans history along with Vulcan anthropology, calculus and quantum physics. When the child was ten, they learn to suppress cortical stimuli in the dominant hemisphere as well as learn of their races cultural history and began a study of Vulcan rites of passage. By the time they were eleven, they learn of the pressure points needed for mind melding in addition to learning memory accuracy and internal time counting. Furthermore, they were introduced to logic and definition, the principles of analysis, concreteness of thought and physical deportment. These early years of study were expected to continue til the child was between the age of thirteen to fifteen after which their formal training began.

dahrik-shi'oren (Secondary School): Ages 14-20+

Schools at this stage are often specialized and considered precursors to advanced academies such as:

Vulcan Science Academy (VSA)

Vulcan Medical Institute

Vulcan Institute of Defense Arts (VIDA)

Vulcan School of Diplomacy

Studies here aren't as fast paced and ruthless as full colleges. And unlike primary school they have no government standard learning criteria to meet. Most students would be either in the direct midst of puberty or finishing out its second stages. In some areas they have just one school which contains the pathways necessary for whichever trade schools are popular in the region (more like a skills center).

In more isolated areas this is where students would have either moved to the city to pursue higher education or found a job locally to help out at home (likely picking up an apprenticeship).

For those that choose to take it, the Rite of Taloth is commonly undergone around this time. While it is an acknowledged accomplishment among peers, a social heiarchy is not formed around it as that is now viewed as childish.

When formal training began, the first rite conducted was Tal T'Lee where they were assisted in their meditation by an adept of their clan council. They learn to control their subdominant cortices which was followed by Dwemish Hi-An where identity isolation was learnt along with brain control with numbers systems and equations. They also learn multiplication left to right whereupon they took part in Enok-Kal Fi Lar which was the processes of definition and the concepts of given. Once this was complete, the child took part in An-Prele between the age of sixteen to nineteen where they learn pain control meditation from a clan council adept. They were also expected to read Essays of Discipline and Analysis of Pseudodoxy as well as was expected to learn to segregate the lobes of their brains.

*I came up with the names through stuff on VLD and VLI but if anyone wants to consolidate it to sound catchier go ahead.

[windvexer]

Hey, Chicken! Hope you don't mind this ask, as I'm not sure if you know much about this topic (I don't remember seeing you mention it before), but I was just wondering if you have any advice on using a pendulum for divination? I've been told something about "micro movements" affecting the accuracy of readings, but I'm unsure if this is an actual thing that happens or not, and it makes me nervous that my readings are super inaccurate (I don't have a pendulum stand, unfortunately). If you don't have any advice or opinions or whatnot, no worries! Thank you for taking the time to read through my ask regardless. Take care! 🐔

Hi!

I'm not the biggest pendulum reader. For years I couldn't get any level of accuracy out of them. However, in recent years, I've made decent progress.

Idk about the micromovements thing. I don't worry about them. I'm assuming a micromovement is like... tiny little jiggles?

IME, pendulum readings shouldn't be tiny little jiggles. They should be big, active movements.

When it comes to accuracy, we have some problems and some solutions.

Not all divinatory tools can measure the same things, first of all.

If I asked you, right now, to use tarot to determine the charge level and activity status of an enchanted spell vessel, could you do it?

Perhaps! I have no reason to doubt you.

But, like me, perhaps you would need to create a custom oracle system within tarot before you could do such a thing. Because tarot, in and of itself, is not an excellent system for determining the power levels within magical objects.

Now, if I asked you to do the same thing with a pendulum, could you?

Of course you could. That's, like, pendulum 101. That's what a pendulum does, baby!

You just hover that bad boy over an enchanted spell vessel and if it makes a biggo circle, the thing is charged up; but if it makes a small circle, or only does these micromovements you speak of, it's not charged at all.

Using a pendulum, you can obtain in seconds what you'd have to spend hours doing with a tarot deck.

And vice-versa!

Try using a pendulum to obtain a guidance message from a spirit. So tedious.

What this demonstrates (I hope) is that if you apply a pendulum to the incorrect ends, it will be very difficult to wrangle answers from. You can use a power drill to saw through a board, certainly; but the results will be tedious to obtain and awful to behold.

The benefits I've found is that the pendulum makes absolute ease of certain magical needs, but you've got to know what it can do and what it can't do; and if you need it to do something it can't do, you need to be prepared to develop your own custom systems of divination to attach to the pendulum, much like one downloads workshop mods to modify a computer game.

Yes, do confirm with the pendulum what direction is "yes" or "no," either through asking or telling.

Confirm whether or not your readings are accurate by reading on verifiable things. If you would like a test, make a pendulum board like this one (same link as before), and have friends send you photos of objects enchanted with the same categories of energy as your board contains. Use your pendulum to determine the types of enchantment contained therein.

If you are anything like me, you'll find that pendulums are excellent at detecting energies, but quite poor at producing sentences and paragraphs like tarot can.

I think of the pendulum as more of a gauge, or meter. It can be activated on a scale of "barely" to "very," and move in either the direction of "this" or "that."

I have never bothered with using a pendulum over a spirit board to slowly spell out answers, when you can draw two tarot cards and get a few sentences at once.

Likewise, why bother with tarot, or casting lots, or energy readings, when you can hold up a pendulum and get a quick, accurate reading of the properties of some object or person, or whatever?

So I'm definitely rambling, but my biggest tip to you, is:

Figure out for yourself what domains are easily read when you and pendulum work together, and strive to discover, modify, or create systems of meaning which make sense for the both of you, and allow the both of you to work as a team to discover certain answers.

Do not see the pendulum as interchangeable with any other system of divination. See it as a skill, in and of itself.

You may find much greater success reading on things which you can interact with, such as objects and photos, as opposed to hypotheticals, such as predicted futures.

[littlerune]

is this a safe space to ramble about my headcanons for andruil & ghilan'nain

i think it's boring if all the evanuris are just evil for the sake of evil, so in my headcanon, andruil is basically just a bored nepo baby. she doesn't actively participate in the blood magic, slavery, etc. but she does benefit from it by virtue of being the daughter of the most powerful people in the world. (or rather she does participate a bit but it's more like, "well, this is just what everyone does/how society works :/" rather than "rahh im so evil and greedy and i love to hurt people etc".) she's that rich kid who never got a job and spends her entire life travelling the world while ignoring the atrocities of her father. she hunts bigger and badder quarry to keep her mind off how bad everything around her is (and, more importantly, that she could try to do something about it but only at the risk of her cozy lifestyle.) hunting is the one thing she excels in, so it's the one thing she takes pride and joy in.

at first, ghilan'nain isn't the absolute monster she is in veilguard. she was just a brilliant scientist who maybe did a few kinda fucked up things, but nothing to the extent of what we see in horrors of hormak. she's just like "science brings progress, and sometimes we must do bad things to make progress happen." she definitely supports animal testing. andruil falls for her because she's sorta everything andruil is not (self-made, engineering, innovative). "look at my hot smart scientist girlfriend isn't she amazing 🥺" andruil introduced her to elgar'nan, and elgar'nan saw the potential in ghilan'nain. the evanuris elevated her in society because they saw the crazy shit she could make and wanted it for themselves, and this opened massive new doors for the kind of crazy (horrible) shit ghilan'nain could do.

i have two divergent paths i could see their relationship going. when ghilan'nain heard andruil was hunting in the void, she encouraged her to go further to see what kind of whacked out shit andruil could find for her experiments. wanting to appease her girlfriend, andruil went so far as to discover the blight and brought it back to thedas (or maybe ghilan'nain was part of creating the "armor of the void" that ultimately drove andruil crazy??)

alternately, seeing her girlfriend become the same kind of political monster as the rest of the evanuris, andruil fell into a depression and used hunting in the void as her manner of escapism, which ultimately results in unleashing the blight.

additional random headcanons about andruil (i think about her a lot): she was the first "born" of the evanuris (i.e., not a spirit creating a body for themselves) and because of this, she was a weaker mage than the rest. as such, she took up the bow and became a skilled archer. elgar'nan is deeply disappointed in her, seeing her as a failure. this makes the blow even heavier when he accepts ghilan'nain to the evanuris, because he likes her more than his own daughter.

[crwndsprkzy]

cheapest rent in the city next to me where everything i do is $240 a week

my gov payments are $460 fortnightly, offset now because i had to edit my claim because i technically dropped out of school

my mother is charging me $100 a week to stay in my room and "my half of the house" (3 rooms, both this agreement of what in the house is mine and the decision to charge rent at all was never discussed with me prior)

it is now less possible for me to get a job in town as my parents are now refusing to drive me anywhere, and are attempting to make me catch the only two buses into the city for around one errand on any day. these buses come at 7 am and 6 pm.

i cannot aquire driving tutoring or classes anymore as i cant get into town. if i fail the learners driving test once that means i have to pay upwards of $50 for each try after that.

i cant get a cab into town from my house. that is $100+ for a round trip, excluding public transport fees while in town.

i am about to get diagnosed with a uti, which i will need to pay for on my own. neither of my parents have offered me a ride into town, and have asked which bus i will be taking, and provided dissatisfaction at me for not having considered that.

i cant remove my mother from having control over my government files, or else she will know i have terminated the nominee agreement she forced me into.

i cant go into town to reclaim my disability insurance, and she will stay in control of my funding to stay alive and recieve treatment. she can call all the shots on my plans, i have no control over what care i will be recieving, despite the agreement saying i would like to be a part of meetings, she essentially bans me from being a part of it.

she is complaining now that i wont go into town and split my bank account from hers. she has always had the ability to take my money at any moment, and has still been doing it recently. she takes loans out of my transactional account without telling me. she complains and yet she is insistent on not offering a ride into town.

she believes i have no assets. she claims everything i own is hers. that is why the only thing listed on my claims that i own is my cd collection, but how long until she trashes the one thing im proud of here.

i now have to pay my own phone bill. $40 a month.

this is all seeming impossible.

i'm technically a high school drop out now. and i'm getting the judgement from my dad who never finished year 10, and from everyone. ive already lost a lot of my school friends, and they refuse to tell me what i did wrong.

i dont even know where my id documents are if i wanted to run away for good. i dont have access to anything. she hides my documents.

i'm forever going to remain undiagnosed for did, bpd will never be considered, and i dont even have the diagnosis papers for autism to claim my benefits now.

why is this what i have to live in.