#like. i know this isn't a big deal and he probably sent it to everyone else too

[girlivealwaysbean]

aaaaaaaaaah

[raayllum]

She Must Pay the Price, or A Drop of Mercy :: A Rayla and Leola Meta

Quick:

You're a young elven girl, and you show mercy and compassion to a human that you definitely weren't supposed to. When it's found out, you're punished, with elves even calling for your execution (6x09, book 1 novelization). Your father does what he can, but there's only so much. You're put on trial. You're found guilty regardless of intent, and only by association. You die for this; you die for them. You're a star. A guiding light. There's even a Great Fall off a precipice (though only one of you hits the ground).

Your name is Leola, or Rayla.

You're the beginning and the end, respectively.

So let's talk about it.

Tests of Love

For years, I had wondered where Aaravos' assessment of "Those who fail tests of love are simple animals. They deserve to be motivated by fear" (2x09) came from, cause you don't drop in a line like that if it's not going somewhere. It's quite a statement and worldview, after all. Now, with Leola's trial, it seems we know.

We can see, then, perhaps that Leola's gift giving was the first test of love — are you willing to break the Natural Law, the Natural Order of things? — to help another? To show another a source of power in order to share, to be compassionate, and in Rayla's case, to be merciful (though we'll get more to that in a minute).

We also know that the love Leola had was powerful and all encompassing:

She didn't care to follow the order set in the stars. Though she was born an immortal being from the Heavens, she loved this world... and all its flaws. Her heart was warm and open.

And she befriended mortals. Animals, elves... and humans.

ETHARI: Who I love, where I love, what I love, are all specific. But to Runaan and those like your parents... love is rooted in all families, all creatures. Souls like that feel called to protect everyone as fiercely as those they hold close. (Bloodmoon Huntress)

Okay, so Leola and Rayla both have big compassionate hearts and befriend creatures from all over the place. So what? So do Callum, Ezran, Soren, and most of our other main good guy characters. Even Claudia to a degree (though she could work on not using magical creatures for spell parts).

Well, specifically, it's because of how they intersect currently more with anyone else on the concept of

Mercy

KOSMO: Daughter of the Moon, yours is a wondrous heart. In a moment of mercy, you sent ripples out into the ocean of time. Ripples that have not yet stilled. (6x05)

Rayla sparing Marcos, as noted in multiple interviews by the creators and by myself in previous metas, is ultimately the inciting incident / lynchpin of the entire series. Without it, there would've been no soulfang proposal or Ez running away to find the egg or any of the number of other elements that had to come together to make achieving peace possible.

While we still have details to discover regarding Aaravos' Fall and development of dark magic, we know that a lack of mercy was ultimately what sent him on his path of vengeance. Leola was not shown mercy, and while it seems there were already "flaws" for an imperfect world, things were (probably) better than they currently are in Xadia in a variety of ways. Then, to kick off the entire Saga, we have Rayla sparing Marcos in a soundtrack literally titled "Mercy" and have Kosmo, seasons and seasons later, spell out directly what a big deal this was for well, the ocean of time.

None of this is to say Rayla can't act out of revenge — she did ("when I first came here, I was on a mission for revenge") and she has ("but I became so obsessed with revenge"), much like Aaravos ("he isn't doing anything out of love, he's doing it for revenge") — but that her general compassion and love for others has always been stronger than her grief or rage, and that even when she had every social and personal reason to, she was and is fundamentally unable to hurt someone innocent.

Even when she's shamed or punished for it by herself or by others. RAYLA: The human looked up at me, and I saw the fear in his eyes. RUNAAN: Of course he was afraid, but you a job to do! (1x01)

EZRAN: Yeah, but then you saw he was scared, and you knew he was a person, just like you. RAYLA: That shouldn't have mattered. I had a job to do. (1x08)

The Cosmic Council — and to a degree, the Silvergrove — say that the reasonings or motivations, the intentions, behind Leola and Rayla's actions do not and should not matter when it comes out to doling 'Justice'. So Leola faces her justice, being literally killed in the one manner that can kill a Startouch elf, and so does Rayla, being metaphorically Ghosted / 'murdered' by her community, regardless.

Neither are enough to ultimately quell their light or their love/power, however.

A Star

RAYLA: That beautiful shining star you just pointed out? We call it Leola's Last Wish. (5x02)

So both Leola and Rayla are stars in season 6, literally and metaphorically respectively. Leola's is more self-explanatory, whereas Rayla's is mostly about the role she has in Callum's life as a guiding light and star. I don't think it's a coincidence, though, that just as Rayla placed Callum on his path of being a primal mage, though, that Leola did the same for humanity. I also don't think it's a coincidence that Callum's love for Rayla restores Callum's own light and agency amid Leola giving humanity the same through light and fire.

It happened long ago, when humans had only just learned to hold fire in their hands without burning. They nurtured their precious primal flames secretly—in the dark of night, beneath shadows and shrouds—as cultivating its glow drew the eyes and ire of monsters. Eventually, for the audacity of their fire, they were hunted, and—though they looked to the stars for salvation—the stars, too, looked down upon them with disdain. Humanity had been given something it was never meant to have. (TDP shorts, Ripples)

In this way, we see the manifestation of a repeating parallel of Rayla representing Leola, a gift giver of life, magic, light, unjustly punished/killed, and Callum representing humanity, looking to the kindest brightest star for guidance, magic, restoration, and salvation if he's just given the chance to grasp it. After all, presumably, Leola's last wish would have something to do with primal magic and humanity, and who represents that better than Callum, with two arcana under his belt and possibly more on the way? With that in mind, I want to return to another quote from earlier but with a different focus on

Ripples

Daughter of the Moon, yours is a wondrous heart. In a moment of mercy, you sent ripples out into the ocean of time. Ripples that have not yet stilled.

The wisest of the humans looked upon the water. His own reflection smiled back at him, and he dared to imagine what such power would feel like in his own hands, should he be allowed to hold it. Imagine, he thought, if I were more than what I am. With a trembling hand he touched the surface of the water. Ripples spread from his fingertips. [...] I hope the stars were watching. I hope they saw it: the moment their perfect reflections turned warped and ruined, churned to chaos by the touch of a single human hand. In this, the humans taught me another lesson. And so I touch the surface of the water. I watch the ripples spread.

Water in TDP is a strange beast, symbolically speaking. There are some more straight forward motifs (reflections, "don't try to control where the river [of life] goes, there's one thing you can know and control: yourself"). For Aaravos, it's connected to deep loss but also his own sense of patience in playing and winning his game, as illustrated above. For Rayla, it's linked to shame, self-reflection, bravery, and loss. Aaravos weeps and creates a sea upon losing Leola; Rayla says goodbye to her family by the lotus pond times three.

We don't know what water represents for Leola. Not distinctly, anyway. The best we can figure though, is that by following the through line of the Rayla and Leola parallels, that the ripples Leola wanted to send out or did send out — not the distortions caused by her father and his grief — are ones that Rayla received, and then continued.

Rayla has always been a foil to Aaravos, and this hasn't changed. She is the one who set Callum on the path initially of being a mage, which put him in Aaravos' machinations as prey; she retrieved his Key; and she's the reason Callum's done dark magic, twice. At the same time, much like the moon, Rayla carries Leola's light as much as she shoulders Aaravos' dark. She literally represents light in Callum's life, helps lead him through the darkness, and him being a primal mage and it's possible growth to other humans is the best possible thing that could've ever happened to Xadia.

Sol Regem says that "no one can save" Xadia or fix what is deeply broken. The Cosmic Council said that Leola had broken the Cosmic order and had to pay the price. Rayla has repeatedly been willing to pay the price for both hers and other's actions in hopes of making things right, of sparing others' pain. Sometimes to her detriment, but—if Rayla as Callum's one Truth could fix the darkness within him, if she's the lynchpin for breaking the Cycle, for bringing back Runaan and fixing her family's souls, in opposing and presenting mercy amid the Council's lack of mercy, in the face of Xadia's violence—

Then Rayla's act of mercy in 1x01, and potentially beyond in S7 with Callum, will be what fixes Xadia.

Leola's gift of magic is what 'broke' Xadia, and her execution is what literally did so, leading to the division of the continent. She wrongly paid the price in the absence of mercy and love. Rayla is therefore her thematic successor — welcomed this time as Light and Truth — as the carrier of Mercy and Love, and she will 'fix' Xadia through her ripples and dynamics. She will mend them back together. There will, at last, be no price to pay.

Misc. Thoughts / Predictions

One thing I was always curious about going forward into future seasons was the prospect of a 'trial' or reunification of the Silvergrove. It felt like a no-brainer the Silvergrove would have to change in order to reflect Runaan's character arc, much the way we see Katolis and the Sunfire elves change to better accommodate the new, more compassionate world order. Pre-S4 a trial felt a little strange as an idea, though post-S4 the parallels it could provide to the Lucia tribunal made more sense about why include either (or both).

However, Leola's trial seemed to hammer home the almost necessity (as this is still a prediction, after all, that may not happen) of Rayla and/or Runaan saying their peace to the Silvergrove leaders. This would be a great opportunity to provide a contrast to the Cosmic Council, reaffirming that Xadia is ultimately better than them because the Moonshadow elves and everyone else can change, and the Cosmic Council seemingly cannot or will not. But I guess we'll have to wait for S7 or beyond (#GiveUsTheSaga) to find out if this'll come to fruition or not.

I also wanted to touch on what we see with Leola ("I'm so scared!") and the repeated emphasis on "recognizing fear as a moment of empathy and personhood" and the horror that can come if you don't have that moment of recognition. This is something I've touched on before most notably as a striking difference between S1 Rayla and S5 Claudia, but I thought it was worth mentioning as S6 added to it specifically with Viren towards Soren and Lissa. This is another point in the "Rayla is an inversion of the Council's lack of mercy" column, as Leola's — a child's fear, and Aaravos willing to pay the price and take her place — earns her no mercy. Rayla, meanwhile, sees someone innocent that she has 'every right' to execute is afraid of her, and that strays her hand; it steadies her sword, and she spares him. Because if someone is afraid of you, it's worth asking yourself why, and what you might want to do instead.

Last but not least I wanted to talk about Leola's parallels to Callum and Ezran as well, since they are very much there (though yet not perhaps to the same extent).

Ezran has Leola's friendliness to animals and soft heart. He too is a child whose death is called for as a means of Justice, and he is granted mercy through Rayla and the discovery of the egg, able to live and grow and help usher in peace. He is, I think, what Leola might've been allowed to be if she'd lived in different times. Callum, meanwhile, carries the gift giving motif through his cube, staff, and tokens he both gives to (moon-phoenix bracelet) and receives (the moon opal necklace) from Rayla, and previous 'human-Leola' magic dynamic. Callum being able to break free fully from Aaravos' and dark magic's control in S7 and turn his eye instead to primal magic will be what helps bring true justice to Leola and hope for humanity / Xadia in righting the Cosmic Council's fundamental wrongdoing. Hopefully, anyway.

Conclusion

I hope you enjoyed this deep dive into some parallels and potential narrative goings-on between Leola and Rayla as characters. TDP loves its historical and ironic layers in TDP (Ez and the Orphan Queen, Viren's arc from S1 to S6) and I think this layered thematic dynamic between the two merciful young girls was a good, brilliant choice by the creative team. I'm excited to see where this thematic thread goes in the future and how it may continue to be woven into the story. As always, thank you for reading, and I'll see you in the next one.

[spooky-bunnys]

Title: Not like other Alpha's

Fandom: Haikyuu

Pairing: Kenma x M! Reader

Warnings: ABO, bad mouthing, and slight fluff

Other: thank you @reallyromealone for helping me write this

(Name) never quite understood why everyone thought his Alpha didn't care for him. Kenma adores (Name). He just shows his love in a different way.

Kenma isn't one for PDA, but in private he really enjoys curling up with (Name) and playing his games. He also really enjoy's (Name)'s cooking, and always makes sure to compliment his cooking in some way. Or when (Name)'s anxiety gets to be hard to handle, Kenma will gently scent (Name) and hand him the game he was just playing to calm him down.

Kenma proves his love in a more personal way then others. (Name) isn't someone who enjoys big fancy gifts. He enjoys the smaller things.

Like the time Kenma saved (Name) from having an allergic reaction to Lev's sushi he was trying to share. Both (Name) and his golden retriever best friend had forgotten about his allergies to sea food. Thankfully Kenma intervened and scolded Lev about forgetting (Name)'s sea food allergy.

(Name) adores how his Alpha cares for him. But he's getting more and more tired of people talking bad about Kenma. His Alpha told him not to worry about it, but he can't help it! While (Name) was the more forgiving of the two there was certain lines you don't cross with him. Bad mouthing his Alpha is one of those lines.

~

(Name) tensed as he sat in the bleachers of another Nekoma High School Volleyball game. He could hear the people behind him talking about him. Which normally he doesn't care about. But its when they doubt his Alpha when he's had enough.

"I seriously don't see what (Last Name) sees in him! All Kozume does is play his games and barely even interacts with him. I bet (Last Name) is feeling so deprived of attention and affection. The poor Omega...."

(Name) grit his teeth and tightened his hold on the railing. They didn't know Kenma like he did. He gives (Name) plenty of attention and affection. Those idiots don't know what their talking about.

"Yeah. I heard (Last Name) has been hanging around the other Volleyball players more. He's probably trying to get their attention since Kozume won't give him any."

(Name) could feel his hands going numb from how tightly he was holding the railing. He was so thankful Kenma convinced him to wear scent blockers today since his heat was nearing in a few days. If he wasn't (Name) just knows his sour would be the farthest from his usual (scent) right now.

Just as he was about to snap at them, (Name) felt a familiar warm hand and the gentle scent of cherries made him instantly relax and smile. (Name) turned and saw Kenma staring at him. His eyes filled with worry and it made (Name)'s heart soar.

"(Name) are you okay? I could feel your distress and anger through our bond."

(Name) smiled at his Alpha. This was another reason (Name) loved him so much. If Kenma felt even the slightest bit of uncomfort or distress through their bond, nothing would stop Kenma from finding and comforting him. (Name) shook his head and sent a quick sharp look to the gossiping idiots above them.

Kenma followed his Omega's eyes and narrowed his own before calmly wrapping an arm around him.

"Come on. The game is about to start and we need our manager on the court with us. I don't think I can be my best if you're not down there with me."

(Name) smiled once more and excitedly followed his Alpha. Kenma may not be like other Alpha's, but he was everything (Name) could want or need in one. As (Name) looked ahead, Kenma sent a deep and sharp glare at the now paling Alpha's. He'll deal with them later.

[verstappentime]

Max mutes the TV, hoping that will get Charles's attention, and doesn't look at him when he says, "I think I'm in love with Daniel." AKA: it's 2017. charles is max's best friend in the whole world. they're turning 20, max wins in malaysia, charles wins the f2 championship, and max needs to tell him something. also: a little coming of age precursor to my unfinished maxiel divorce fic.

maxiel + max & charles | hurt/comfort & dealing with their respective hard years | 3.4k

Max has not gotten to hug Charles in so long. That's what he's thinking when he stumbles down from the podium.

Just a few minutes ago, he was livid at Prema and their stupid safety car cockup. Then he was elated as Charles crossed the finish line, and he triple checked the points to confirm – he really is champion. Now, Max just wants to see him, desperately.

Someone takes the bottle of champagne from Charles, and Max makes his move, crashing bodily into him. Charles isn't like him – he doesn't freeze, just wraps both arms around Max and hangs on. 

He had been worried about Charles not having family here. But he's reminded, as that feeling of coming home blooms, that he does now. 

Neither of them say anything for a beat. Then Max, newly bigger and broader than Charles, hefts him up and spins him around and they both start screaming. "Charles Marc Herve Perceval Leclerc–" Max stops to breathe. "You are the motherfucking 2017 F2 champion!"

Charles is breathless. He looks the happiest Max has seen him in four months. "Oh my god. Holy shit."

Charles has won a lot of championships in his life. But this one means the most. They both know it. 

Max sets him down. "Was that the French anthem?" 

Charles nods, pained. They manage to stay straight-faced for about five seconds.

It takes them a good two minutes to stop laughing. Max's ribcage actually hurts.

"I am so glad my dad was not here to see that," Charles says, once he's done gasping for air.  His smile twitches, though. Max pulls him back in for a hug.

"I am so proud of you, okay?" He presses his nose into Charles's hair, even though he's sticky all over with champagne. Herve would be proud, too, but Max will tell him that later, in private. 

Charles clings on. "I wasn't sure if you'd make it."

"Of course I made it. Did you hear what I said?" 

"Yeah." Charles's voice sounds wet. Max just keeps hugging him. "Thank you." 

"I mean it. You are so fucking crazy, oh my god," Max continues. "I don't know how you did that." Max had nearly looked away, that last lap with five cars on the back of him, not wanting to see Charles lose his win. Stupid to bet against him.

"I didn't lift the throttle," Charles says. His shoulders are shaking. Max can't tell if he's laughing or crying, but he thinks it's the second one. Max doesn't let go, incase he doesn't want anyone to see.

"Your tires were, like, a banana." 

"I know. I thought probably I would bin it." It's Charles who finally pulls back. He rubs his face with his sleeve, and Max wonders if he knows he's just smearing champagne around.

"I sent some videos to your mom, of the podium. I muted them." It gets Charles to laugh again. Max has more to say. He isn't good with words. "You're going to get the seat," he says. Maybe he shouldn't. But he's never been more certain. "You're going to race with me next year." 

"Better watch out, I guess," Charles says. 

&&&

Max got them a fancy hotel room. Having a lot of money is still weird, but he likes to spend it on stuff like this. He likes comfortable beds and having a lot of space and a big shower. He likes being able to bring Charles with him. 

It has two queen beds, even though he's shared a bed with Charles a thousand times before. He thought it would be nice. 

They're crowded on the same one for now, Max watching the history channel with subtitles on and Charles curled on his side, fucking around on his phone. He's getting congratulations from everyone he knows. Charles is popular. It's a lot of people.

After the sprint tomorrow, they'll find something to celebrate, but for now it's good to just. Be around someone who knows how to be around him. 

Max mutes the TV, hoping that will get Charles's attention, and doesn't look at him when he says, "I think I'm in love with Daniel." 

He's been wanting and wanting to tell Charles. He thought maybe when they both got back to Monaco. But it keeps trying to jump out of his throat, like he swallowed a fly or something.

He's never been nervous to tell him anything before, but as soon as it's out, his heart starts beating fast. Charles is taking too long to say something.

"Okay," Charles says, finally. He pushes himself up to sit beside Max. "That's okay."

Charles likes boys. Max has known this since they were twelve. But Max has only ever had a fleeting interest in anyone, and it's never been important, and– and now Daniel is important, and he has to think about it all. He doesn't want to.

"I don't know about being gay or whatever," he says. He still isn't looking at Charles. "I don't know if I am."

He's had sex with girls and he'd liked some of it but maybe not enough. He's had one weird hookup with a guy, a friend of Charles from school or something, after their birthday party last year. He liked that more but he was drunk and sleepy and they called it off after he sucked the guy's dick. Charles had been pissed that it happened while he was sleeping on the couch in the same flat and never asked Max any questions about it. He didn't want to dissect it then and he doesn't now. He just – liked that guy's dick, and he likes Daniel.

He knows what he likes to look at and think about, but only things in real life matter. 

"Okay," Charles says again. His voice is careful. "That's fine. We can skip that." There's a hand, gentle on his wrist. "I knew there was something going on with you." 

Max has been a little off, he knows that. He wants to talk about Daniel all the time and he's worried that he'll do it too much, so sometimes he just doesn't say anything. Charles asks about his day and he tries to sum it up: The team went to this, the team went to that. I'm tired. It was a long day. The car is shit. The car isn't shit. Something something. Charles has asked if he's okay. Max has been trying to be okay whenever Charles asks, this year. 

"I don't know if I– if I'm in love with him," he says, and his voice cracks. He finally lets himself look at Charles, needing, suddenly, to see acceptance on his face. He's the same as always, big green eyes soft. Max tries to say the next part quickly. "I know he's older than me and stuff. I don't want it to be true but I think it is." 

Charles moves so he's sitting in front of Max, criss-cross, and squeezes his ankle. "It's okay if it's true. You'll figure it out. I'll help."

"I think it's true," Max says. He wants to cry. 

"It's okay if you like him. It's good to love someone." Charles keeps his hand on Max's ankle. Touch has always been instinctual for him. Max has never been like that. "I wish you weren't hiding this from me."

"I wanted to tell you. I was waiting." 

"You told me now. It's okay." 

"It feels weird," Max says. He is really hoping he doesn't cry. He can't be crying over his teammate. He has to see him in a few days, at the factory. 

"It is weird," Charles says. He was always in love, when they were kids. Max never was. 

"I used to think I was in love with you. When we were like, thirteen," Max says. He can say it now because he knows it's not true.

"Yeah, I know." Charles is grinning at him. It's the way he looks when everything's going to be okay. "You were always staring at me with your weird bug eyes." 

"I just thought maybe," Max says, and he coughs out a laugh. "But then I realised you are so annoying and I didn't want to kiss you." 

"And you do love me," Charles says, shrugging. "That's different. Do you want to kiss Daniel?" 

That's easy. "Yes. I want to so much. And always I want him to talk to me and be near me and I get jealous if he's not. Or when we go to these things and he doesn't have time for me. And if he helps me with my helmet or something I want to throw up." 

"But it feels nice too, yeah?" Charles is searching his face. 

"Yeah. It feels nice." 

"Okay. Then it's a good thing." A lot of the time, Max feels like he's too old for everyone his age. But Charles has grown up a lot the past three years. He looks so much older than nearly twenty, right now. Calm and sure. It's soothing. It's that grating two weeks where they're not the same age. But maybe Max can be the younger one for a moment. 

"I want it to be a good thing," he says, and he sounds small and more unsure than he ever hears himself.

"You aren't not telling me stuff, right?" Charles lays his hand on Max's shoulder. "Max? Because of– because of Papa and everything?"

"I—" He's just trying to be okay when Charles asks. He doesn't know how to say that. I would die before I would make this worse for you, maybe. He chews at the cuticle on his thumb. "I haven't told anyone," he says, lamely. Charles just keeps watching him. He doesn't move his hand. He looks like he's caught Max doing something he shouldn't. "You had a championship to focus on," Max tries. 

"I won it now. So now you will talk to me, yes?" 

"Yeah." Max swallows. He'll have to. He wants to talk about Daniel all the fucking time. He's not that strong. He tries to let Charles's touch be comforting. He's in love with Daniel and someone knows. Charles knows. He wants to hear more about it. He's not angry. It's good. It should feel good. "Can you tell me how it's okay again?" He's needed to hear it so long. So, so long. 

Charles looks sad. "Come here." He untangles himself so he can flop onto his back. It's been a long time since they could do this, since Max could curl up perpendicular with his head in Charles's lap. It's nice and he didn't want to ask for it. 

Maybe if he has a boyfriend one day they won't do this anymore. He wants one but only if it's Daniel. Maybe Daniel won't care. 

Charles scratches his scalp, the way his mom does, when he's too tired to even talk with her when he comes home. Probably Charles did it first. He didn't see his mom for a long time. "It's okay," Charles says. "It's okay. It's a good thing, Max." 

He breathes. Daniel is a good thing. Max will be able to talk about it now. That's going to be better. Maybe it can feel like something new growing in his chest instead of something festering. "It's stupid," he says, just so Charles will tell him it isn't.

Charles says, "Loving someone is never stupid." He hesitates for a second. "I keep– all the time thinking about how life is short. You know. Because Jules– and Papa– It's. What's the word in English? Like I am obsessed?" 

Max's chest tightens. He wishes he could see him. Charles doesn't see life as fair or unfair, but Max does, and Charles hurting is fucking unfair. "Yeah, that's the word," he says.

"Anyway," Charles says, after a long, shaky moment. "All the time, I think about it. And I think if you love someone it is going to be a waste of time to pretend that you don't, or say it's stupid." 

He sounds grown up. Really, really grown up. He sounds right, like Max should trust him, the blind way a child does. "Okay," he says, quiet, like a secret. "I might not tell him though."

Charles starts petting his hair again. Max really hopes he hasn't made him sad. "What about Malaysia?" he asks, and he sounds normal. "Was it fun, with him?" 

Max tells him about the day of his real  birthday, about how they couldn't go out because of the race the next day but the team brought him a cake. It was Daniel who brought it out to him. Maybe it was his idea, Max doesn't know. But he looked happy. He said something about how it would be nice not to have a teenage teammate anymore, but not in a mean way. It felt like he was excited about Max's birthday, too.

"And everyone was so happy that I won," Max says. "Daniel was, even though he didn't win. He said it was like a birthday present, except for I earned it." Max's dad has been angry at him, about the season being shit. The win wasn't good enough for him and he didn't call, but his mom had been really happy, and Daniel had, too, and Christian, and GP. Charles had called. It was nice. It felt good, when Daniel hugged him and said he'd done an incredible job.

"You both looked really happy on the podium," Charles says. "You have some nice pictures now." 

"I saved them in my phone," Max admits. They do look really happy. He thinks sometimes he's the happiest he's been, when he's around Daniel. Winning, and with Daniel. He feels bad thinking it, when he's here with Charles– but it's different. Love feels different. 

Charles doesn't say it's weird or anything. "Good. Then you can look at them." 

He peppers Max with questions about their night out on Sunday, for his birthday and for the double podium. He talks about how they had an expensive team dinner and GP said some nice stuff about him before they had another cake. Charles stops him. "What kind of stuff?" 

"I don't know. Like about how all of his wins have been with me and it's special." He'd said how Max is really kind off the track and people don't always know that. He'd said he's the most talented driver he's known, and Max had thought maybe that was unfair, because Daniel was sitting there, but it had felt– really good. He doesn't want to tell Charles all of it. That can be his to keep.

Charles hums. "Okay, and then what?" 

"Me and Daniel and some of the guys went out to a club. You would have liked it. I– I wanted to kiss him a lot. The whole time. But I didn't. But it was good. I liked that he was there." Max feels around for his phone, unlocks it and passes it up to Charles. "You can look at the pictures. Some of them are funny." 

"I will kill you if there's nudes in here," Charles says. Max reaches back to wack him on the arm. 

"There are no fucking–" 

"I don't know, Max, I'm pretty sure that is a dick." Charles sounds deadly serious.

Max flips himself over. He doesn't even have time to panic before he sees the wicked grin on Charles's face, and lunges at him.

"Give me that, you shithead, oh my god–" Charles holds the phone aloft so Max can't get it. 

"Oh, hey." Charles bats at Max, half-hearted. "Daniel texted you." 

"No he didn't, you fucking liar." Max pushes himself up so they're level. Charles looks thoughtful, squinting at the screen like he's reading something. Maybe he's not– "Charles. Come on. It's not funny." 

Charles passes the phone to him. He's smiling. "I think I like him very much." 

There is, after all, a text from Daniel. It's a picture of his laptop screen. It's got the F2 race on, Charles in P1, with the whole pack behind him, just before the finish line. INSANE race, mate!! Tell him congrats from me!! That's my ROTY vote in the bag!! We are screwed when he comes to F1 tho. Hope you're having fun, England wet and boring.

Daniel likes exclamation points a lot. He likes making texts longer than they maybe have to be, and adding irrelevant details at the end. Max didn't ask about England. But he likes that Daniel wants him to know. He likes that Daniel watched Charles's race, and acknowledges how fucking good he is. He likes Daniel so, so much.

"That was nice," Max says. It sounds stupid.

"Text him back," Charles says. "Tell him I am the best driver in the whole world, and if he sends nudes you can show those to me." 

Max glares. "I will tell him your IQ is seven, so he doesn't have to worry." 

"I don't even know what that means," Charles says, but he sing-songs it, which means he's pretending. He speaks English perfectly fine, until Max is insulting him.

Max ignores him. He tries to sound normal in his response, like he hasn't just confessed he's in love with Daniel outloud for the first time ever.

Charles says thnx!! Prema are stupid idiots, I cannot believe he won. Glad I made it. Be in MK Monday, think of a good prank for GP. He wants to put a heart, but that feels stupid. It's just. He wants Daniel to know.

Something new happened today. Something changed. You changed me. You might never know, but you did. He can't communicate that with a fucking emoji.

Eventually, he puts three little race cars and the tranquil looking smiley face, and passes the phone back to Charles. 

Charles flips through the pictures without being a fucking dick. He laughs at the ones of Max eating limes at the bar, because he was fucked up and thought that's what they were for. Daniel snapped one of Max passed out in the taxi that Charles sends to himself. "I will think of a use for it later, there is a joke there," he says.

"You're annoying," Max says, but doesn't protest. It will probably be funny.

Charles scrolls some more. "Max," he says, quiet and serious. "Did you see this one?" 

When he gives Max the phone, there's a picture of him and Daniel on the screen. His forehead is pressed against Daniel's shoulder, Daniel's hand light on his back. They're laughing, and they look really, really happy. "I didn't look at the ones with Daniel. I didn't know if– if maybe they were embarrassing." Max presses his thumb to the picture, like he could transfer himself back into that moment.

"They're not embarrassing," Charles says. "It just looks like you love him." 

&&& 

Prema fucks up again, and Charles is P7 on Sunday. Neither of them care. Max takes him out for his birthday. He's a world champion. Even if it's been hard to carve out good moments this year, it's a fucking good one.

Charles hugs him extra tight when he leaves for the airport, hungover and dreading going round and round in the sim. "You'll talk to me," Charles says, not a question. 

"I will. Promise." Max pulls him back in for another hug. "I'm so fucking proud of you. Just–" It's hard to leave him every time. To think about the bad days coming and going without Max there. But Charles has other friends. He has his family. "Just. I'll see you soon." 

Charles presses his face against Max's shoulder, just for a second, and then he lets go. He doesn't like to say goodbye, and it's not for that long anyway, so he doesn't. 

Later, Charles texts him a screenshot. It's of a guy who sort of looks like Robin Williams but isn't. There's movie captions on it. Our hearts and our bodies are given to us only once. He always does stuff like this. Sends Max quotes and sports highlights and things, little bits of wisdom anywhere he can find them. Max likes to text all the time, but mostly stupid shit. Charles is always with the drama. 

This one, though. He sits in his plane seat and reads it a few more times. Charles writes underneath: Not stupid. Don't ignore it ❤️❤️

Max reads it again. The not-Robin-Williams guy isn't wrong.

He sends back: I'll try, and makes the picture of him and Daniel his background.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

The Assignment 1

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such noncon/dubcon, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: your agree to cover an empty internship but the role isn't as easy as you expect. (older!reader)

Characters: boss!Lee Bodecker, glimpse of Andy Barber.

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself💜

“I’ve already asked Anna. She has so much going on already with her daughter and you know I would if Stan wasn’t away on a work trip. Poor Melissa is just too new for a coverage position,” Nicole explains.

“Got it,” you say as you pack up the contents of your desk drawer. “I already said yes.” 

“I know, but I also know it’s a real pain. It’s just that there’s nowhere else that can spare the body and Mr. Barber owes Mr. Bodecker so--” 

“Yep, sacrificial lamb,” you utter dryly as you slide the drawer shut. “Really, Nicole, I get it. You don’t need to go on. We all know how this works. We go where they tell us too.” 

“Yeah, it’s just... he’s chased off three in the last two months. That kind of turnover...” she looks around. “They need someone mature. Who can handle the workload.” 

“Right,” you stand and pick up your box of things. “I won’t be that far away, no big deal.” 

She gives a tense smile and you turn away. You march out of your shared space and down the hall. You understand what she means by ‘workload’. Mr. Bodecker might be a hard ass for all you know but what everyone knows for sure is that he is a menace. There’s a reason those interns left almost soon as they got through the door. 

You claim the empty desk waiting for you and drop the box on it. You roll the chair out and sit. You should’ve wheeled yours over. You adjust the height and wiggle around. Hm, it’ll do. Work is work, no matter how comfortable you are. 

You stand again and take out your laptop and plug it in. Then you unpack your wireless mouse and keyboard and your pad with the wrist rest. You stretch your fingers above the tight brace and sigh. You can use all the ergonomic tools and aids but it’s not getting any better. 

No use putting it off any longer. He probably already knows. You go around the desk and knock on the closed door. 

“Come on in,” Mr. Bodecker drawls from the other side. 

You open the door and step into the doorway, “hello, Mr. Bodecker. Just letting you know I’ve got my stuff moved and I’ll be taking over for the time being, as requested by Mr. Barber.” 

“Barber? Old pal,” he says. “He sent you?” 

You hear it all in his tone. He sent you? I asked for a replacement, not an old lady. You don’t let it bother you. You’re not there for his pleasure. 

“Yes, me,” you confirm. “Is there anything I can do?” 

“Coffee, darlin’,” he winks. 

“Coffee?” 

“Double sugar, no cream.” 

“Sir, I’m an admin assistant, not an intern. I was referring more to your calendar or some tasks--” 

“I asked for the position to be filled. That means getting my coffee, sweetheart.” 

“Mm, sir,” you enunciate the last word sternly. “Again, I’m a professional. I don’t get anyone’s coffee but my own. Would you like me to review your meetings? Should I set aside some time to keep minutes for anything?” 

He huffs and sits back, his face wrinkling in consternation, “you can get outta my office.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

You close the door gently and return to the desk. You sit and tuck away your things in the single drawer. When you finally get sorted, you boot up your computer. Almost at once, a notification pops up. You click on it and a conversation expands across the screen. 

‘Thanks again for taking on the extra work. Please do your best to keep Mr. Bodecker happy. He’s working on a very important project.’ 

You review Mr. Barber’s message. The timing is peculiar. 

‘Yes, sir. I’ve checked in and offered to help arrange his schedule and tasks. I am awaiting further directive but will do my best to support.’ 

Three dots, then none, then three again. The next message pops up. 

‘Get him his coffee.’ 

Really? What is he, a child? Tattling on you? Over a cup of coffee. 

‘Sir, I understood I would perform admin work.’ 

The little eye blips down to show that your message is seen but no message comes. You shake your head and open your inbox. If the success of your work hinges on coffee, then you’re just as good going back with the others. 

You recognise Mr. Barber’s gait. You look up as he appears from around the corner. You sit up and greet him. His hands are in his pocket, his jacket pushed back, his neck and jaw tight. 

“I understand that you don’t think it’s part of your role but for now, it is. You will get Bodecker his coffee and anything else he asks for,” he says without courtesy. 

You try not to show your irritation. It isn’t just the task. You’re not some housewife or barista. On top of that, these men don’t talk to the young ones like this. Or the moms. Nicole and Anna can just mention daycare of soccer and they can get leeway and Melissa, so nice but young, she just needs to smile. That stopped working for you a long time ago. 

“Coffee,” you type as you speak, “I will add it to my roster, sir. I understand. Very important work.” 

“Come on,” he steps closer, looking down at you, “don't be like this. You’re a good worker. You know I respect you and appreciate everything you’ve done. It’s just coffee.” 

“Oh yes, just coffee,” you agree and stand up. “I better go put the pot on. Would you like a cup too, Mr. Barber?” 

He gives a slow blink and pushes his tongue into his cheek, “no, thank you.” 

His own agitation leaks through. He got what he wanted but you didn’t give him the deference he expected. You didn’t apologise for it. You just accepted it. You’ll do it, but you won’t be happy about it. 

“Try a smile,” Barber slips his hand from his pocket and taps the corner of the desk, “it might make things a little easier.” 

You stare at him. He lingers and when you don’t change your expression, he sighs and strides off. How many times had a man told you to smile? Why should you? For them? That’s why you don’t want to get the coffee; you give a little, they’ll take it all. 

[llamagoddessofficial]

how would the normal boyo's react to mc's death?

no murder, nothing crazy, just old age taking away the love of their lives.

and for bonus points lets say they had been happily married for decades as to add on the memories and the sudden shock of losing someone that had become such a key factor in your life.

I think I've mentioned this before, but it doesn't hurt to bring it up again. Aggre Mc is going to live a lot longer than she expected. Even with absolutely no intervention, thanks to her connection with the guys, her Soul has three major sources of magic nearby that instinctively constantly share their power with hers. It will probably expand her lifetime by a century, minimum. Her big issue isn't going to be dying; it's going to be dealing with the implications of living so much longer than she thought she would.

There's also the topic of a Soul bond. If she Soul bonds with any of the three of them, and doesn't have kids, she's pretty much going to live as a monster does (forever, unless interrupted). In Aggre, they definitely discuss the subject of her possible death eventually- and my personal canon post-Aggre is that after settling into a rhythm and spending a few decades together, when Mc decides she wants to Soul bond, the boys elect Sans to be the one she bonds with. She'd then live with them like that.

But... in a hypothetical scenario, where Mc resists everything and dies... I think this is how it would go. Obviously, angst and death under the cut.

Sans: Honestly, Sans takes her approaching death the best. Which should really worry you about how the other two would react. Does he fall apart? Absolutely, the last time he felt this kind of agony was when he lost his mother. But Sans has always been good at disguising his emotions, hiding tremendous pain under an easygoing exterior. He keeps up with the dishes, organises her end of life care, keeps contact with his friends. Papyrus would be the only one to see even a fraction of the true extent of Sans' grief. Sans is about to lose the love of his life, and has completely frozen over to avoid crumbling.

Red: He definitely takes it better than you'd expect, considering he'd have a mended relationship with his brother. But it still hits. It's cruel that the universe sent him someone who taught him how to let himself feel, then took that person away and delivered the worst pain he's ever felt.

Mc would be proud of him, though. Despite the pain, he avoids falling back into the worst of his old addictions, because he knows its not what she would want and it won't actually make the pain go away. It will just numb him to everything; including those who are trying to help. He picks up smoking again in the days leading up to her death, but he avoids the bottle.

Skull: It's hard, for him. It's really hard.

All of them knew it would be particularly difficult for Skull. They had a long time to discuss it- a long time to talk the subject over. Mc prepared stuff for him, for after she's gone... people to talk to, things of hers to hold when it hurts, exercises for him to hopefully learn to deal with it. For a while, everyone was convinced Skull was ready. Even Skull.

... But he just... he just can't do it. He can't do it. He can't let her go. It doesn't matter how many hours she spent holding his hands, how hard they all believed he'd be fine without her- it doesn't matter how much he healed by her side and how well adjusted he seems now. The moment he realises she's really genuinely dying, the journey ahead of him looks so impossibly dark, so frightening. He holds her as she's dying and he feels so small. He cries like a baby and begs her not to leave him behind.

The moment she dies, he catches her Soul. He holds it in his hands, hushing it like a scared bird and tucking it away into his chest, where he can keep her alive. Honestly, they'd have to cut him open if they wanted to let her pass on.

... But I think at that point, Red and Sans aren't exactly fighting to make him let go. In fact... something unspoken passes between the three of them. Skull just did what all of them wanted to do.

Skull gives her to Sans, who keeps her hidden away, within his own Soul. Her Soul knows his best, and will feel most comfortable there long-term.

They'll figure out something. They have all the time in the world.

[snorlaxlovesme]

my problem recommending Link Click to people

clearly, i love Link Click. i find the show emotionally compelling, the characters are well-written and interesting, the complex/convoluted plot is very crunchy for my adhd brain to chew on. LOVE that. however. i have yet to find a person irl who Sees My Vision when i recommend the show to them, and i think it's the fandom's fault.

not in bad way! but i think this show is a good example of media that exists for FANS and not casual viewers.

season 1 is by far the most accessible. a straightforward story about two guys solving crime by time travelling in photos. don't mess up the past, it could mess up the future, etc etc. everything is linear, the character motivations are pretty clear, the plot is seriously gripping. the only accessibility hurdles are the piss poor subs we had to deal with and the lack of on-screen text translation. and i suppose if you don't like shows that are episode-5-level heavy then this probably isn't the show for you.

season 2 already starts off on a very niche foot with the fact that there was a pretty big spoiler (or a hint at one) in the XETROVERTHINK music video that released before the season aired. fans who knew about that video were already speculating, and by the first 30 seconds of season 2, theories were running RAMPANT. NOW everyone was intentionally looking for hints of time travel mid-season. they were predicting how and when cheng xiaoshi might die. it made an extremely confusing season FUN because even when we didn't know what the hell was going on, we could always fall back on the lu guang timeloop theory to chew on.

but if you didn't see the XETROVERTHINK video? well, you probably weren't paying as close attention to what lu guang was saying in the first 30 seconds. the shot of cheng xiaoshi dying lasted for only a second or two. blink and you miss it. if you didn't rewatch the episode, you probably wouldn't notice. in a show where so many things don't make sense, that could have just been one more to add to the pile.

cut back to all the people that I've forced to watch the show, I can say that they did NOT have the same watching experience that i had as a fun following along on tumblr. which is fine, but they do look at me like i'm insane when i try to explain that this is the most fun show ever created.

after one of my friends finished season 2 i sent him a draft of the fic i was writing for some feedback and when he got to season 2-spoiler specific part, he didn't fully understand that lu guang had gone back in time to prevent cheng xiaoshi from dying, and therefore didn't understand what i had written. he didn't have the fandom, who had been speculating about that for 12 full weeks before the reveal, so as a casual fan, the first time he received that info was in that last 2 minutes of the season, and he didn't full understand it

my younger sister has made it to yingdu, and every time i try to talk to her about it when get to talk about shiguang a lot, but i don't have much time to sit her down and show her frame by frame analyses of why the lu guang vs vein interaction in episode one looks like it might be in two different timelines. she's not seeing that there's morse code in the books or interpreting sonnets or pausing to check the eye color of characters, so when i talk to her about it we're scratching maybe 3% of what the show is truly communicating with us.

and again, it makes me look like a total headcase when i try to explain to people that this is the best show ever and so much fun because if you're not INTERACTING with the show and with the fans, mulling over the minute details in a scene or asking for a more accurate translation of something, it's like you're missing out on most of the show

i once tried to recommend my sister one of my favorite pokemon fanfics of all time. she'd read some others and seemed interested, so i sent her the link and then told her that to fully understand it she'd need to have knowledge of basically every major character in the entire pokemon anime, from kid trainers to gym leaders to Champions to villains to rivals to professors. she'd also have to know how they all relate to each other, PLUS some game characters. i sent her a list of episodes she needed to watch for character and plot relevance and links to wikipedias for other main characters. after she absorbed all this information then she could truly understand why this was the greatest fic ever!!

that's what recommending Link Click is feeling like, currently. like i want you to like this show, i want you to understand this show like i do, but that means you HAVE to be insane about it. there's no other way to appreciate it if you're not in the fandom.

[yanderehsr]

HEY DOCC!!! So, I came up with an idea. How about Blade, Caelus, Kokichi (i'm a sucker for Kokichi) and Shuichi with an idol!reader who writes a special song for them?

Kokichi is literally my favorite Danganronpa character🥰, hope you'll enjoy

Trigger Warning: Yandere, Obsessive behaviour, Possessive behaviour

Blade: He isn't really one for music, at least not happy and sappy music about happiness and fighting on. But he has to admit that hearing your voice has always helped him calm down, before he had ever even seen you his obsession began.

Even after having introduced himself to you, Blade never imagined you would sing a song about him.... he feels flattered, there is just one problem, so many bugs are listening in on this song clearly meant for him, he wants to deal with them, but he'll wait until you're done, he doesn't want you to stop singing just yet.

"You don't need an audience, I am all that you will need, your songs, your beauty and you, all of it is mine"

Caelus: Whenever he hears one of your songs he feels like he's just melting from it, he loves each and every one of them, in fact you could be screaming in falsetto and he would still think it was the sound of an angel.

So when Caelus listens to a song clearly about him, well he is shocked first of all, but said shock is replaced by joy soon after, the next time you meet him he will run up to you and hug you, a tight enough grip that you can't get away, this song just must mean that you love him, right?

"I loved it, thank you so much... uhm, would you mind singing it for me right now, I would really like to hear it in person"

Kokichi Ouma: This little shit doesn't like that you're an idol at all, sure it's fun to rile up your fans but he just can't stand everyone else gazing up at what is his, he will probably post toxic comments about you so you can come cry to him about it, not knowing it was he who sent them in the first place.

Kokichi likes to be the one in control, he likes to think he never blushes, but when he hears you sing a song that is so obviously about him and for him, well he turns as red as a tomato, oh his beloved is making him crazier than he already is, he can't wait to take you away from all these people, he will be the only one who gets to hear your lovely voice from then on.

"So my pretty songbird, say farewell to your fans cus this is the last time you'll see them... actually let's just go now, I can barely keep myself from killing them right now"

Shuichi Saihara: He's such a big stalker, he claims it's for your own safety, to protect you against any of your fans if they attack you, it could happen, he has seen it happen before, in reality he is just a creep who enjoys watching you every single second of every day.

Shuichi probably knows about the song before it is even released, he has installed so many cameras in your home that there is no way he couldn't see you write the song, he is very flattered, he even cries knowing you care about him so much, he has recorded each time you practice the song, he feels like an angel is singing to him, it's an addiction and he will never stop.

"I hope it goes well out there on scene, you sounded great practicing... H-how did I know you ask?... Uhm, see you later"

[respectthepetty]

do you happen to have any other bls with toxic kings up your sleeve? i’m as giddy as you when it comes to ming! i’m newer to bls, so there’s a good chance i haven’t seen whatever you suggest.

Anon, I have an entire roster of toxic characters because

I LOVE TOXIC BITCHES!

Like 2 Chainz rapped on one of my favorite songs, "I love bad bitches, that's my fuckin' problem" which is why I HATE when a story won't allow characters to be toxic. Like we all know the character IS toxic, but the story keeps telling us he isn't that bad or he is only that bad because reasons. Regardless of the reasons, the character is a bad bitch so why not just let him fucking own it, which is truly the reason Only Friends pissed me off so much.

Case and point, my favorite characters were Ray and Nick. Ray was calling Sand a whore every two seconds and throwing money at him, while Nick was recording non-consexual sex tapes, yet the narrative wanted me to think they were just sad dudes who were slightly problematic.

NAH! Nick straight up said he was trash! THEY WERE TOXIC just like everyone else in that damn show!

Which is why I liked Kang in Dangerous Romance because I don't feel like the narrative eased up on his toxicity. In fact, I feel like the story said Sailom was into it with that master/servant scene at the very end.

So in order for me to love a toxic character, they must 1) be considered toxic by the story, and 2) stay toxic, so I'm going to give you a list of ten of my favorites, but know that spoilers are coming your way too. Also know that I do not recommend anything, ever, so these are not recommendations. These are merely my favorite toxicitos.

Mis tóxicos favoritos

presented in no particular order

Todd - Not Me

This man had his lover (it's canon to me) beat into a coma. Then, he went and grabbed that man's twin brother and made him take on his lover's persona all so he could overthrow his competition and be the number one evil capitalist. And then, AND THEN, he was excited to see his lover, Black, return even though he knew that meant he was probably going to die. Honestly, his entire relationship with Black was toxic, and I desperately need more of it. Not Me 2: Blackout when? WHEN, GMMTV?!

Rio & Kido - The Novelist Series

Rio blew Kido in front of an old man in broad daylight, so they could get a book deal. That's just one of the many fucked up things these two did together, but they were even worse apart. Rio lied to a college student for months about his arm being injured and writing pornographic novels just to turn on the college student and fuck him because . . . he was bored? It's deeper than that, but it kinda ain't. Rio and Kido did toxic shit to feel alive and that's my special brand of toxic. I will never make excuses for them. I like them this way.

Yai - Big Dragon

The very beginning of this show, as in the very first scene, is Yai and Mangkorn having sex AFTER Yai drugged Mangkorn in hopes of sexually assaulting him and recording it. AND MANGKORN IS INTO IT! Yai tries to steal Mangkorn's phone and ruin his life too, but Mangkorn is so in love with Yai, that he is willing to play along with whatever Yai does including fighting Yai. This is one of my favorite BLs for a multitude of reasons, but the biggest is because instead of trying to tame Yai, Mangkorn just decided to match his toxic energy! I love that for them.

Songpol - Club Friday

Bank plays toxic very well, which is why he has two characters on this list, even though this show isn't technically a BL. Club Friday is already a hot mess express, so to be the most toxic character in a show filled with toxic characters means that Songpol was TOK-SICK! He cheated on his boyfriend with multiple men. When his boyfriend left him for a woman, he showed up outside of that woman's house calling her a whore. He then went to their wedding just so he could fuck his ex in a bathroom (on his wedding day). He continued to hook up with his ex, and sent a video to his ex's wife of them having sex, only for her to tell him to move into the house and continue having sex with her husband! AND THAT'S ONLY THE SECOND EPISODE! He was serving telenovela villain, and I want him back.

Vegas - KinnPorsche

The scene: Vegas' beloved hedgehog has just died and he has carried out a tiny funeral for him while the bodyguard he has been holding hostage AND TORTURING comforts him, but instead of sitting in that grief, Vegas tells the bodyguard that the bodyguard is probably turned on by seeing Vegas weak, then proceeds to fuck him. Skipping over the fact that Vegas drugged Porsche, killed Tawan, got Big and Ken murdered by extension, and a plethora of other horrible shit, Vegas was a HUGE red flag from the very beginning, and I wanted him to choke me so badly. *bites knuckles*

Charn - Laws of Attraction

He had his reasons, but the story and his husband didn't let that be an excuse for his toxic behavior. He tried burning down Tinn's house, with Tinn and his grandmother in it, and Tinn was very upset about it. Not enough to not sleep with Charn, but enough to get his point across that if Charn wanted to burn something down, he needed to focus on burning down the oppressive heteronormative government, so we could all have basic human rights. Toxic, but for the cause.

Chalothon - The Sign

I knew he was a problem because the way he handled his patients, but he truly proved how toxic he was when he told Phaya he would kill Tharn before letting Phaya have him. I'm mad that the show made him good in the last episode, with most of if being off-screen, but I'll always remember how he committed psychological warfare on Phaya for eleven episodes in hopes of making Phaya seem crazy, and actually made Tharn, Phaya's soulmate, question Phaya's sanity.

Mol - 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us

The only woman on this list and she isn't even queer. That's how toxic this chick was that she made it on a this list being a heterosexual, which was a major part of her toxicity. She is a top-tier gaslighter to her son. She doesn't actually consider Inn her friend. She uses feminist rhetoric to be homophobic. She manipulates every situation in her favor by using tears. I could write a list just about her being lead paint toxic, but the most fucked up part is that she got to ride off into the sunset with her son in the passenger seat being miserable, which is what she wanted. No other BL parent could reach her level. Korn and Gun from KinnPorsche exist, yet this woman would eat them alive without hesitation, then go throw a party for herself. She really is that bitch.

Yong Jie - HIStory 4: Close to You

I'm not going to bullshit around him being a whole ass problem. This motherfucker is the most controversial pick on this list, and I am well aware of why he is hated by the people, but the story told us he was the devil. The show treated everything he did like stalking, physical assault, and sexual assault as horrible, and he got knocked out for it. HIStory 4 is my favorite BL, ever, and part of it is because the story let this toxic motherfucker BE toxic. I love how much I hate him, and I love how much the story allows me to hate him.

So - House of Stars

This show was a mess, so I was not expecting this man to come out as THE toxic king to rule over every other toxic character. What made him so toxic is that I had no idea just how toxic he was until the exact moment I realized it, and that's why he is one of my favorites. He was sneaky. He was playing everyone against each other. He was letting the bodies stack up. He was Tan from Dead Friend Forever without anyone figuring out he was Tan. One person realized part of his plan, but even then, that person was not aware of how committed to the bit So was. This smile was the very last scene of the show, and it really proved that this boy ruined everyone's lives only to walk out of it completely unbothered. You know, king shit.

[ladybugbirdie42]

First Mission Part 2 Random Thoughts

I was finally able to read through part 2 of First Mission, so here are my thoughts.

This isn't really meant to be a detailed summary of everything that happens or anything. It's just me talking about whatever I thought was interesting.

Usual disclaimer: I read this with Google translate bc my Japanese is not very good, so take everything with a grain of salt.

It starts with Julius explaining the background of Reiner (the leader of the criminal organization they're infiltrating).

Reiner was a mercenary who was able to join the knights with the help of a noble, but he wasn't able to adjust to being a knight. During an escort mission, he ended up killing one of the servants of the noble who helped him. Thanks to the noble, Reiner was able to avoid being put to death, but he was expelled from the knights.

"The Count was probably hoping that this would change his mind, but considering what he's doing now, it seems that his feelings have been trampled upon." It is unclear how Reiner got to his current position after leaving the Knights, but it has only been a few years since his expulsion. It is hard to imagine that he was grateful to Count Oron for his kindness and tried to rebuild his life. His heart aches when he thinks of the Count, who lost his servant but still believed in Reiner's change of heart. Julius was feeling helpless, but-- "--? What's with that strange look on your face, Adelheid?" Suddenly, he became curious about the person he was talking to about Reiner - Adelheid, a girl who had infiltrated the same organization as Julius. Adelheid, who had been silent up to this point, leaning her back against the dirty wall of the alley, shook her head and said "No" to Julius's question. "I'm sorry. But I was surprised at how much you know. The Boss... You know so much about Reiner Wahrheit." "It's an infiltration mission. It's only natural that you should know this much." Although Julius already knew information about Reiner before he was told, he didn't think that everyone should know information about the exiled knight in advance. Still, he thought that they should be given the bare minimum of information prior to an infiltration mission, but Adelheid's lost look denied that preconception.

Julius over here getting heart broken over the random count from the big bad's backstory. I assume that's what Adelheid was reacting to before she changed the subject to how much Julius knows about the boss, but idk I could be wrong.

They also talk about how it's suspected that there's a traitor amongst the knights who is giving Reiner info. As you might expect, Julius is very upset at the idea.

Adelheid does bring up Heinkel as a possibility, which is around the time Julius finally realizes that she has the features of the Astrea family (red hair and blue eyes) and is like "oh, she must be from a branch family or something" lol

Julius admits that he's heard negative rumors about Heinkel and also that he doesn't think Heinkel is really doing his job. He does add that he doesn't want to let that cloud his judgment though.

In the next section Julius meets up with Bikram (the knight who's in charge of the mission) and Helaine (who is also involved in the mission but isn't with the Knights; apparently she works under Russell Fellow) to discuss the mission.

This section confirms that Adelheid wasn't sent by the knights. Presumably Helaine's group sent her, but I'm not sure if that's confirmed.

Also Bikram describes Julius as scary more than once, and I think it's funny.

Known as the "Silver Knight", Bikram was the oldest active member of the Knights, and his execution skills were the real deal, with Julius knowing of his many successful exploits that contributed greatly to the kingdom. To think that he would actually be able to witness this as a subordinate. "What should I do? Whatever orders you give me, I will carry them out on your behalf." "Your passion seems more frightening than reliable... Oh well. I'll take advantage of your enthusiasm this time."

"You can't be a knight all the time... but Lord Bikram, you're filling your vessel with milk right now. That's proof that you're always trying to be a knight." "I just like milk." "No, I know that the Silver Knight is a heavy drinker!" "You've always been scary!" Julius put his hands on the table and approached Bikram, who gave him an unpleasant assessment. Anyway, Bikram scratched his short hair and said, "As I said before, Wahrheit has been moving from one affiliation to another, so he has a lot of connections. If it's difficult to pinpoint a traitor based on their friendships, we have no choice but to look to their personalities and reputations to some extent. In that sense, there are a few people I'm keeping an eye on." "Is Heinkel Astrea one of them?" "You easily said the taboo words of the Knights..."

Bikram told Julius that no one can be a knight all the time, and I don't think Julius liked that very much lol.

Also Julius just straight up asking if Bikram thinks Heinkel's the traitor.

In the next section Julius is back doing his infiltration mission as "Julius".

The knights led by Marcos had raided one of the gambling places the organization runs.

Julius fought against Marcos during the raid, so afterwards some of the members of the organization were hyping Julius up, but he refused to accept their praise, insisting that he lost. He knows that "Julius" wouldn't be that humble, but he can't help himself.

Even the random members of this crime group are telling Julius he should be more confident in himself lol.

Adelheid also brings up Julius's fight with Marcos later when they meet up again. She asks if Marcos went easy on him, and Julius was like "yeah, otherwise I'd be dead".

Adelheid tells him he doesn't need to belittle himself that much, though she does add that it's true he's no match for Marcos.

Later in their conversation Julius brings up that it seems Adelheid has managed to gain quite a bit of trust from Reiner. She said that she didn't want to lose to Julius and the others, so she decided to come up with a way to earn his trust.

"Yeah, I tried to drink 'Hexel' in front of him." "Huh?" Adelheid spoke so calmly and casually that it was hard to understand right away. Julius blinked his yellow eyes and looked at her intently, wondering if he had heard something wrong. Adelheid tilted her head at his gaze, "That's why I used the Hexel in front of him. So now, to him, I'm just a drug addict who's cooperating with the organization for the drugs." "Is it really alright to do something like that!?" Adelheid's calm attitude made Julius deeply regret his own thoughtlessness. He had realized that Adelheid was in a difficult position due to the suspicions cast on Heinkel. It was Julius' negligence to have not even considered the possibility that she might become so overwhelmed that she might act like this.

"It's not a question of whether it's okay or not. Adelheid, you need to leave here right now. We'll take care of the rest..." "C-calm down, Julius. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, I'm fine." "No, no matter how much you insist that you're fine, mentality alone won't fix it." "It's not mentality. It's a blessing. I've been granted the 'Blessing of Detoxification'." Adelheid hurriedly answered Julius, who instinctively grabbed both of her shoulders and tried to persuade her seriously. Hearing the word 'blessing', Julius blinked again. As Julius digested what she meant, Adelheid continued, "It's a blessing." "Thanks to the 'Blessing of Detoxification', I don't get sick or put my life in danger from external factors. Not just from 'Hexel', but from any poison or alcohol." "'Blessing of Detoxification'...I see, that's why you were chosen for the infiltration mission. I understand." "Not really...but that's fine. Is it okay now?" "...Sorry." Julius said with a bitter smile, releasing Adelheid whose shoulders he was still holding. At the same time, he also regained the tone of voice that he had almost forgotten as 'Julius'. His apology just now was not only for grabbing her shoulders, but also for his attitude, which was tantamount to declaring Adelheid a reckless and thoughtless person. However, Adelheid laughed softly at Julius' apology and said, "I'm not angry. It's refreshing to have someone worry about you, and it makes me happy."

Adelheid being happy about someone being worried about her :(

I'm not 100% on the translation of Julius's response (which is why I didn't include it), but I think basically he finds it strange that she's happy about people worrying about her and that for him he usually feels sorry when he makes people worried.

And then Adelheid I think agrees that his reaction is probably the normal reaction and that her sensibilities aren't reliable in situations like these (again, not completely sure, but this is my guess).

In the last section of this part, Julius is working with Belmont (who presumably is also infiltrating?). It ends on a cliffhanger with them being surrounded by members of the organization. Julius assumes that it's because they've realized who Julius actually is, but they're actually attacking them because of Belmont, who they know used to be part of Marcos's Brotherhood (definitely feel like you need to read Once Upon a Time in Lugunica before this story, which fortunately I have, but yeah).

Anyways, that's where this part ends off. Excited for the next part (which might be the last?).

Really enjoy all of the Julius and Adelheid stuff. Can't wait to see what happens there. Wonder if we'll actually get to see Reinhard meet Julius as Reinhard (and not Adelheid). I wonder how that would go because I feel like Reinhard is enjoying hanging out with Julius because Julius is treating him like a normal person, but that's just because Julius doesn't know Adelheid is Reinhard. I'm not really sure Julius (especially at this point) would be able to treat Reinhard the same as Adelheid. But well, they do mange to become friends, so I guess they more or less manage to figure it out in the end.

[starpros-sunshine]

Eichi gives away the mask so easily because it was never meant to be an "engagement ring" like you delulu wataeis imagined it to be lmao. It was wataru saying that he will continue playing tsumugi clown role in fine and won't leave it for hokuto's mother troupe after graduation. Do you dumb fucks even read the stories? Eichi didn't even understand tf that mask meant when wataru gave it to him and wataru referenced fucking tsumugi in his "proporsal". I dunno why the f you think it's ok to lie about "! EnDiNG wItH wAtAeI EnGaGeMEnT" when the chapter it happened wasn't even close to the end of ep:link. Cope

PS: how do you live with the fact that Eichi clearly admitted to never being in love in his life and Wataru said that even though Eichi likes him, he still can easily discard him for the sake of his objectives?

I love you anon thank you for giving me a nice reason to ramble again beautiful ask 10/10 I'm sorry this is probably not how you hoped this would go but this is such a funny block of text delightful really thank you for the enrichment please marry me

But okay yes now to get down to the actual ask just to disclaim I am solely relying on translations seeing as I do not speak japanese well enough to understant the original text so if anyone has anything to add to this or to correct me on please feel free to do so.

Now to get started I'm not sure if one could say Eichi gave away the mask "So easily" seeing as he claimed that it was "a hard choice to make"? Which, as one might know, implies unease with an idea and pondering and debating and a general amount of thinking behind a decision so? I know this isn't really the main focus of this ask but I'm just a tad miffed with the semantics of it is all. And in either case giving the mask back to Wataru while expecting it back still shows a certain degree of trust in their relationship it wouldn't have been such a big deal for him (as it apparently was) if the mask didn't have a lot of sentimental value to him (the both of them really if we look at the whole exchange).

Now to the claim that the mask was "only" Watarus promise to stay with fine and "continue playing Tsumugis clown role". This is not entirely incorrect. Regarding the acting troupe and staying with fine bit at least.

I'm assuming this bit in EP:Link Deadend/7 is what you are referencing, and I see where you're coming from. But the bluebird line

from literally three dialogue lines further down, which references this line of dialogue (notorious Eichi line everyone should be familiar with)

kind of somewhat really recontextualises that? Because you see this is a reference to a fairytale about a pair of siblings and they get sent out by a nice fairy to find the bluebird of happiness for her sad daughter to make her happy again so they both go on an adventure and travel far and search and search but they can not find the bluebird of happiness and then when they return home again, disappointed because they couldn't find the blue bird, they realise only one night has actually passed and the journey was probably just a dream. But then their eyes fall upon their pet dove in it's cage which appears blue all of a sudden and so they gift it to the fairies sad daughter which becomes happy again and sets the bird free. The real bluebird of happiness is a dove. At least in the version of the story I'm familiar with but I mean everyone sees the symbolism right? It's. very hard to miss.

And then dropping this?

I'm not sure how to say this properly but in the overall context this makes it pretty clear that Tsumugi has nothing to do with this anymore this is Fully between Wataru and Eichi. And I am the last person to dismiss Tsumugis significance in the course of Wataeis relationship as characters I will be among the first to protest when someone dismisses the importance of Tsumugis and Eichis relationship in favour of some image they have of Wataei but he has nothing to do with this one.

Yes Tsumugi gets namedropped but - again - I don't really see how that would lessen the sentiment Wataru is triying to convey here? Because. Yes. Why wouldn't he mention Tsumugi?

The entire conversation pretty much boils down to "Yes I was initially only in this because I thought I could replace Tsumugis role in your life and then I wanted to leave but we have spent so much time together that I realised that that is definitely not working out because I really do love you. I love you as a teammate; I love you as a friend; I love you as a person and I am very angry at myself for not managing to get that into your head. So please allow me to stay with you for as long as you'll have me." And then also Eichi not understanding because he has the emotional self awareness of a very emotionally unaware loaf of bread and also because he hates himself that is a very big thing about his character huge part of his character arc actually that he. you know? Hates himself? And feels guitly for his actions during the war? And doesn't think he deserves love and companionship? Which is why Wataru wanting to stay with him for him and not for some twisted form of revenge is such an alien concept to him? Because he is projecting his insecurities onto Wataru? As one is wont to do when they hate themself? "EiChi Didn'T eVen UnDErStanD WhAt tf ThAT Mask MEAnt" Yeah. That's. That's the point? So he can think about it and come to that conclusion himself which works as a keymoment in his characters journey from hating life and himself to enjoying being alive and wanting to live on because of the people he's surrounded with? He literally explains why he didn't immediately understand the mask during the EP:Link Epilogue/4

And to get back to the "I dunno why the f you think it's ok to lie about "! EnDiNG wItH wAtAeI EnGaGeMEnT" about which I have two things to say:

"Lying" implies further intent and an effort. Neither of which exist in this case.

He literally went down on one knee while making a big proclamation of offering himself to Eichi with a very personal item that works as a symbol for their commitment to each other on a starlit rooftop. The comparison writes itself.

3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joke

And then I expected there to be a proper reason given and instead you proceed to follow that up with "when the chapter it happened wasn't even close to the end of ep:link". I know the shame is on me for expecting something sensical from an ask which has been near constant in it's lack of correct statements but such is human nature I suppose. And you are not wrong. Deadend/7 isn't very close to the end of EP:Link. That is true.

But do you know what Is very close to the end of EP:Link? The Epilogue Chapters 3-5.

Do you know what the content of those chapters is? I do. Very well actually :)

(Eichi literally explains why he didn't get it)

So if this answers your "Do you dumb fucks even read the stories?" questions, Yes. And I think I'm a lot better at it than you. So I'd say I'm coping quite well over here :p

PS: Regarding your PS, I take the "I've never been in love before so I wouldn't know" comment with a lot of humour actually as an aroace person who's emotional self awareness also ends at "good" and "Not good" I think it's very funny all things considered especially because he mentioned the loving Wataru thing several times before that and I'm generally of the belief that actions speak louder than words and also am in a happy long term relationship with the concept of "Reading Subtext". So please excuse me for not breaking down in tears everytime someone reminds me of that one singuar line of text in one of my favourite all time enstars stories that came out three years ago which also brought us the single best card set in the entire game

as well as absolute banger dialogue such as

Among others <33

And there are soooooo many other examples of wataei dialogue that simply make me swoon but I have already had to take out so many of the one's I wish I could put here so this wouldn't get "Do you love the colour of the sky" long

And also, regarding your "Wataru said that even though Eichi likes him, he still can easily discard him for the sake of his objectives" I'll just say that no he absolutely could not. I mean he'd say that and if pull comes to shove and he has no other option then he might seriously consider it but may I mention that Wataru was gone for a few days at most but really not that long of a time during Sanctuary and Eichi stopped considering being a normal rational person that doesn't leave helpless 17 year olds in the midst of a construction site. Very different situation but I feel like it's worth mentioninh here. Another example is Eichis almost not being able to go through with the war because of Wataru. Wataru had to actively come and tell Eichi to go through with it. Wataru isn't the reason Eichi started the war, that is wrong, but he is the reason Eichi almost didn't finish it. and during the war era that was his Main objective. Again I'm part of the fraction "actions speak louder than words" Show don't tell and all that, but even the words are pushing it.

And that concludes my essay :)

[earlgreytea68]

okay, so I finally finished the Barbra Streisand memoir. I learned a lot and I developed a great deal of respect for her because she is clearly an extremely talented person, but also...it was a slog to get through. It was really interesting to me the picture I got of her talent and influence and how hard she works but also how much she...isn't someone I actually wanted to spend time with? lol

BEWARE, LOTS OF VENTING ABOUT THIS BOOK BELOW, DON'T READ IF YOU IDOLIZE HER

It was also extra-interesting because I don't usually read memoirs, and this year I read three, and I think I assumed that all memoirs would be so sanitized as to not really give me much of a picture of the people behind them, like, Idk, I assumed they'd all be so slanted toward the person whose memoir it was that it wouldn't be like I could actually come to any conclusion about the person from the memoir. So, for instance, when I finished reading "Spare," I was like, okay, sure, Charles and William seem like awful people, but how much can I trust Harry's account of things? But then I finished reading the Barbra Streisand memoir and it made me like Harry even more lol, I was like, no, he is clearly a very sympathetic person, because not everyone tells their story in a way that makes you always on their side.

I should be clear, like, it's not like Barbra Streisand comes across as a monster or anything like that. As I said, it's very clear she's very talented and has worked very hard and had to deal with a lot of sexism throughout her career. But it's also clear that she's a very particular type of person who thinks that everyone else should spend all of their time working, and if they have a life outside of work, that person is immediately suspect and she never wants to work with them ever again. She tells story after story where she's like, "I sent him the script on Friday afternoon. He said he was just walking out the door for a weekend away, but he would get back to me on Sunday or Monday when he got back. Disappointing." Yup, that director was fired shortly thereafter. She's making a record and she asks this guy to be her producer, and she keeps them all in the studio basically night and day, and at one point she sees him looking at his watch, clearly impatient to, you know, go home to his family, and she's like, "Welp, I'll never work with that guy again." She's directing a movie and she wants everyone to stay late to film something and the crew is like, "No. We're not staying late. We're going home," and she's so betrayed by this. She says they all would have stayed if she'd been a male director. She might indeed be right about that. But that doesn't mean that her attitude that everyone around her needs to work around the clock is justified, just because guys treat their employees that way, too. She doesn't tell these stories because she thinks she comes across as a jerk, and that to me was what was so telling about them. Maybe because I've worked for bosses who truly do take offense when you want to have a life outside of work, and I decided those people just weren't for me. It's cool if that's how you want to live your life, but this is probably why I just had this sort of visceral reaction against her. But it was interesting to me that I had that reaction at all! Like, it's her life story and she could make herself look as awesome as possible, you know?

Also, the picture of someone who hit it big when she was like 20 and has been fawned over ever since was just so tiring. It's a thousand pages of this. EVERY SINGLE STORY SHE TELLS IS JUST EXHAUSTING.

She acts the part of Juliet for Lee Strasberg, the guy who invented method acting. He tells her she's the best Juliet he's ever seen.

She directs Yentl and shows it to Steven Spielberg. He tells her that he wishes he could offer her some advice but he can't because it's the perfect movie and he has zero notes. She's the best director ever.

She's researching mental illness and goes to see mentally ill patients. Worried about how she should interact with them, she asks the doctor, "Am I doing this right?" The doctor says most people get it wrong, but she has gotten it right. She's even the best at interacting with mentally ill people. She's a natural at everything!

Like, literally, every single story is like this. By the time she was designing dresses better than Donna Karan and then taking credit for Bill Clinton's reelection strategy, I was just like, I can't anymore lolololol. Then she has this rant at one point about how people can't handle truth but she thinks telling the truth is always the best option and I wanted to be like, ....she thinks this because she thinks the "truth" is always that she is literally the best person who has ever tried to do everything ever. I mean, maybe she is! But the fact that she doesn't realize that it's not like this for the rest of us is just exhausting.

My most illustrative story of this: She tells this story about how she was away traveling and she hired some gardeners to put chrysanthemums out on her NYC penthouse terrace while she was away. She requested pink and white chrysanthemums. When she got back, they had planted rust and yellow chrysanthemums. She is HORRIFIED. She calls up the gardener in outrage and the gardener is like, "They didn't have pink and white, so we just put in rust and yellow." She says they should have asked for permission before making that substitution.

Okay, so far, I guess so normal-ish story, like, still seems like a little bit of an overreaction but she's probably right that they should have checked on the color change, Idk, I don't have gardeners planting mums for me, so I've never thought about how I would react to that lololol. BUT THEN. THE STORY GOES ON. She is so, so offended by these mums that SHE CANNOT BEAR TO EVEN LOOK AT THEM. She draws all the curtains in her penthouse and sits basically in gloom and darkness, sulking about these mums. Then one of her friends comes over and doesn't know she's having this fit about the mums and is like, "It's a beautiful day! Why do you have all the curtains drawn!" and starts opening the curtains and......THE MUMS ON THE TERRACE ARE NOW PINK AND WHITE.

Now. You know what the explanation for this is? Probably the gardener she yelled at came back and replaced the mums for her because she was freaking out so much. But you know what Barbra's explanation for this is?

When you want something so badly, the universe finds a way of giving it to you.

............

Sorry, I find that so unbearably obnoxious, this idea she has that either (a) the rest of us just don't want wealth and success and adulation and talent as much as she did; or (b) the universe loves her so specially much that it changes the colors of flowers for her???????? I cannot believe she thought this was a story that she needed to include in her memoir, because I found it so uniquely horrifying a story. And it also made me think differently about her relationship with her mother. She doesn't like her mother. I'm not being cruel here, she literally says it right in the book: she doesn't like her mother. She tries to paint this picture of her mother as being jealous and resentful of Barbra. And maybe she is. There are certainly bits in the story where she seems to be. But there are other bits where she's not. Barbra focuses in on a concert that the mother missed, and it does seem super-rude and insulting and offensive and I was horrified. But then later on, her mother is at another concert and she just gives it this passing mention, like, no big deal, so...it's not that her mother never went to concerts? Or something? And then she admits that her mother kept a scrapbook of Barbra's entire career from the very beginning, and I think maybe we're meant to see that she did that so could seethe over it and hope to throw bad reviews back in Barbra's face or something, but it just seems also like maybe her mom was proud of her? And the reason I think that I get that they had a fraught relationship is because Barbra keeps making snide little comments, like, "It's not my fault that my mom didn't work harder to be famous herself." Like it's just that easy. Like you just snap your fingers and you become famous. It was that easy for Barbra, and so she assumes that the rest of us just don't want it enough. One of the stories she tells about her mother throwing a tantrum is after she gives her a book about 1940s movie stars that she inscribes, "This could have been you, Mom!" And in the memoir Barbra is like, "I truly believed that my mother could have been a movie start if she'd just tried for it. She was so beautiful and talented." .......THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS. And I kind of totally get why her mother was offended by Barbra just kind of endlessly judging her as lazy for not going out and getting herself a more fabulous life Idk.

Anyway. It was just interesting to me that the more I read the story of this life, the more I could see the seams of it, so to speak? Like, in revealing what she thought she was revealing, she was revealing so much more to me, if that makes sense? Like, she said that people are constantly demeaning her as "controlling," when she's just trying to make the best product she can, and I get that, but also every story she relates she's like, "I told the lighting guy how to do his job and then he got offended." And I'm just like, Well, you're running around constantly telling people how to do their jobs. When those jobs are not your job and arguably they are the experts. But she doesn't seem to treat anyone with basic deference, because she's so used to knowing better than everyone else. She never phrases it as, I asked the lighting guy to light me this way, which was telling in and of itself. She always tells them. There's one point where she describes making two accomplished screenwriters live in her guesthouse for a week and work night and day on this screenplay, and she just casually is like, "I told them which scenes each one of them should write, and sometimes I told them to write the same scene and I'd pick the best one," and I was just, like, horrified at the idea of these two accomplished people being forced to work around the clock as this woman literally pits them against each other? She framed this as an exciting collaborative project but the words she used to explain what her role in the collaboration were made it clear that no, she was the boss in the position of power ordering them around. Maybe, in a way, she just never has grasped how much power she had over other people, because of imposter syndrome or something, Idk.

This is all to say: It made me rethink how I was reacting toward Spare. Which wasn't to say I thought Prince Harry was lying, just that I thought maybe his version of the truth was skewed toward justifying his own behavior. But after reading the Barbra Streisand memoir, I've realized that, actually, that might be harder to do and maintain over hundreds of pages than I realized. I finished Spare liking Prince Harry more than I did when I started it, and now I like him even more lol

(I haven't talked much about the Britney Spears memoir, largely because I have concluded that that memoir is just such an acute picture of a traumatized soul who hasn't even begun to heal. I wish her well. Harry is also a traumatized soul but he's had literal decades of working on healing so his memoir hits different that way, while still being so clearly about his trauma, all the same)

[yeenybeanies]

Okay but I need you to imagine either one of our Naga! Boys aggressively cuddling with Gaz because out of everyone on the team, he naturally runs the hottest. Like he's constantly in shorts and T's just to avoid overheating.

Meanwhile, either Soap or Ghost, the team's resident Naga is just constantly gravitating towards our sweet boy for cuddles because warmth.

Even after SoapGhost get together, the Naga can still be found curled around a very annoyed Gaz. Annoyed, but willing to sacrifice his warmth for his friend. But he gets a bit more verbal about his annoyance when the human half of Soapghost decides to join the cuddle piles.

I feel like it'd be especially best if it's Naga!Ghost. Now I know most people would assume Soap would be the better one, but think about it. Gaz can handle Naga!Ghost, he's a bit more familiar with the cold-blooded lieutenant and Ghost is quiet, good company when Gaz has a lot of paperwork to do. And Ghost is comfy.

But then when he and Soap get together? And now Gaz has to deal with a very human, very much not required to be present in the situation because he doesn't need cuddle piles to survive, very talkative energetic HUMAN Soap??? Yeah, Gaz is definitely complaining

brother (gender neutral) i think about these damn snakes cuddling their humans ALL the time.

of course, you're right, soap is the obvious candidate here. naga!soap will cuddle ALL of his friends. ofc ghost gets it the most bc he's In Love with him, but gaz & price get plenty of snuddles (snake cuddles) too. & if gaz is a living heat rock? babes, that's Prime cuddling material for a mesothermic creature like a naga.

gaz chillin' in the common room, trying to relax, when suddenly there's a big ol' snake head flopping down on his chest. he's a lil exasperated, but after a lil bit of adjustment, they just lie there & watch funny videos together until they're needed elsewhere. or until soap falls asleep, & gaz needs to be rescued.

if ghost is the naga, though, i do think that'd be sweet too!! but (at least with the story i've built) ghost actually meets gaz last out of the 141. he briefly met price first, years & years ago, then he met soap when the two of them broke out of a russian compound in alaska, & met gaz when he & price came to rescue the two of them.

so, all of that being said, it would take a bit of time before ghost is willing to cuddle up to our man gaz. hell, ghost was reluctant to cuddle with soap when it really was a matter of survival.

i imagine it would happen honestly with soap the first time. soap is pretty tactile even as a human, & has no issues cuddling up to his buddy gaz. so picture them both returning to base after, like, a hard day of training out in the field or smth. they were slumped together in the van, passed out on each other's shoulder, &, when they got back, soap wasn't ready to let go of gaz yet, so he just dragged his fellow sergeant to where he knew ghost would be waiting & pulled him down into the naga's coils. gaz & ghost were both equally alarmed by this, but, after a long & kinda awkward moment of staring, ghost slowly shifted himself around the both of them & settled. (soap was already asleep again, half draped over gaz, so it wasn't like they could be easily separated anyway.)

the second time is without soap. soap's probably off busy doing whatever it is he was sent away to do, & ghost... well, he's not cold, but he's not particularly warm either. & he knows gaz is around. learned from that first cuddle that gaz is stupid warm. so see him track down the sergeant, scare him half to death by sneaking up on him, & awkwardly ask if... he can sit here while gaz works. gaz is caught off-guard, of course, but he agrees. doesn't expect ghost to coil around him again, but, hey, it's cozy as hell. plus, ghost doesn't talk much, so it isn't like he's disturbing him.

& after that, it's still not entirely common for ghost to cuddle up to gaz, but it does occasionally happen. & they get comfortable enough too that gaz can seek ghost out too.

honestly tho!! i can't see gaz much complaining about soap being there! bc they're buddies. honestly, it would probably be ghost that complains about gaz & soap not shutting the hell up, to the point where ghost gets annoyed & buries them both under his coils. noisy sergeants get put in naga jail.

& it's up to price to come rescue them. (but then price ends up yanked into the cuddle pile too RIP).

[felixcloud6288]

Dungeon Meshi Chapter 45

Of course Izutsumi would have a messy bed.

The first half of this chapter takes place roughly between chapters 38 and 39. If we use Marcille's changing hairstyle as an indicator of "days" in the dungeon, then chapters 35-41 took place in the same day, and chapters 43 and 44 were their own days.

Marcille has the same hairstyle in chapter 42 so it either takes place the same day as chapters 35-41 or Marcille reused the same hairstyle after an indefinite amount of time. If it's the former, then Laios's observation that she seems worn out might have to do with the general exhaustion she'd been dealing with since Chapter 33, compounded by the Nightmares.

Anyway, my intended point is chapter 45 goes back in time by at least two days.

Let's look at what is consistent between everyone entering the portal in chapter 38 and exiting the portal in chapter 45.

In chapter 38, Mikbell was the first in line with Kuro standing behind him. In chapter 45, Mikbell is the first one out of the portal with Kuro right behind him and helping him out.

Daya was right behind Kuro in chapter 38, and when Kabru was about to go through the portal, we can see Daya recovering from mana sickness. We also see her suffering it in chapter 45. That shot would have taken place before the shot from chapter 38 since Kabru was the last one to go through the portal, so Daya looks worse off than she did in chapter 38.

Here's one nitpicky inconsistency I found: The left sleeve on Kabru's shirt had a tear along the upper arm as well as at the shoulder that was prominently shown at the end of chapter 38. The shoulder tear is still present, but the upper arm tear is gone.

Maizuru said touching the window would spoil the teleportation spell. Since it's a painting, I guess this means the spell needs the painting to look exactly like the room you're teleporting to. The room they teleported to has nothing in it. And all the things in the room the Tansu party teleported to in chapter 22 are behind the painting.

So I guess best practice is to have an empty room to make creating the teleportation spell easier. The eastern style requires a completely empty room since the painting has to be hung on a wall. Meanwhile, the method used by the Tansus doesn't need to be as strict since the painting can be placed in the middle of the room. Just set everything out of view.

This would also mean the best defense against people infiltrating a fortification using this spell is to put several miscellaneous items in every room and periodically reorganize them.

Maizuru is changing Shuro's outfit while he's talking with Kabru.

In chapter 22, the lord of the island was going to send a message to the western elves about the dungeon. That would have been roughly a week ago. Kabru said the western elf group got here too fast. So they were probably already planning on stealing the dungeon before any reports were even sent.

Side note: The island lord said he thought dwarfs were responsible for the dungeon expanding in chapter 22. Later, we learn Namari's father's actions made the lord dislike dwarfs. So he's probably looking for any excuse to blame dwarfs for his problems.

Leave it to Laios to break the tension in the air, even when he isn't there.

How are you supposed to carry a little bell so it doesn't chime? Do you wrap it in a thick cloth to stop vibrations? Shuro should have told Laios how to properly carry it around so it wouldn't chime with every step he takes. Once again, it's his fault Laios is annoying him because he assumed Laios would know what he intended.

Seems like Namari and Shuro met each other at some point in the dungeon since Namari knows Shuro was trying to save Falin. Or maybe he told her after they left the party.

"National Borders are trivial when lives are in the balance" is the kind of line a conquering nation would use when they decide to invade their neighbors.

Lotta big background and motive drops for Kabru here. It was easy to piece together that he survived a monster attack on his home village, but now we get some extra detail that it was specifically because of an out-of-control dungeon. So he wants to conquer this dungeon to stop that from happening, and he doesn't want the elves involved because they'll just make things worse.

Kabru assures us he definitely could solve everything if he were strong enough to conquer the dungeon.

I want to know the history behind Kabru's party forming. It looks like he and Rin had known each other for a while and were trying to join any party they thought was capable and had the morals they wanted. I'd guess they only met the others after Kabru's attempts to contact Laios all failed.

I bet the friend that got introduced to the Toudens was Chilchuck.

Falin charging in with a morning star whenever Laios is in danger never gets old.

Kabru's takeaway on the situation is "Letting Laios conquer the dungeon is only going to cause problems in the future, but unfortunately, backing him up is the only way to stop problems from happening now."

I was waiting for when this guy would show his face. Every shot before this either obscured his face, was from an angle where we couldn't see him, or he was right out of frame.

It looks to me like it's not just his right eye. Something about the shape of his mouth here makes it look like the entire right side of his face is non-functional.

And what happened to his ears? All but one of the elves (The one who summoned the fairy) has a snip taken out of their ears, but his are just chopped off.

For all the other elves, the snip is the same shape so it's not simple battle damage. And since one of them doesn't have that mark, it's not necessarily an indicator that they're members of this dungeon suppression organization.

While I'm here, I expect the unsnipped elf is a mage since she styles her hair like Marcille does. The dark-skinned elf with the facial tattoos might also be a mage.

The dead at Utaya turned into monsters as well... Maybe stuff like that is what leads to believing that eating monsters will turn you into one.

Kabru wanted to join this group but couldn't because he's not an elf. Considering his skills and what he said about Utaya, this is probably less of a specialized monster-hunting organization and more of a group of professional assassins. Their focus is likely to just rush in and kill the dungeon lord ASAP.

And if the lord of the island hadn't been cooperative, he would probably meet some unfortunate "accident" that would necessitate them to come in to get the situation under control.

Shuro is mentally trying to distance himself and have nothing to do with Kabru only for him to get forced into helping.

Meanwhile, in the future...

Marcille's hair is back to the style from chapter 43.

I've raised chickens almost my whole life so I've seen plenty of freaky eggs. I've found eggs that were pebble-sized, leathery eggs, eggs that had several yolks in them, and eggs that had smaller eggs in them.

Senshi's talking about egg properties because of Marcille's comparison of the soul and body to one. I just thought I'd share that if you have a double-yolk egg, the yolks stay distinct from each other and can only mix if you actually break the yolk. Of course, if the yolk breaks inside the egg, then that means the egg would not be viable if it were fertilized.

It's a good metaphor when talking about general soul/body stuff, but it doesn't work when talking about Izutsumi's dual soul situation.

And Senshi seems to be making a bit of fun of it by calling his dish "soul" eggs benedict.

Laios revealing that he's heard ghosts for a while puts some of the given scenes in a new light. He probably didn't pay attention to half the things Shuro said after their fight cause he was trying to ignore the ghost.

I still want to know why Laios is the only one able to see and hear the ghosts. Maybe he really did get specially attuned to the dungeon by eating the living picture. Izutsumi can sense their presence and that's probably because she has a monster soul in her.

I don't blame Laios for not realizing he wasn't suffering mana sickness this whole time. He doesn't know what normal mana sickness should feel like, and it's not like anyone told him how long those symptoms last.

Like Kabru, the ghosts of the dungeon are putting their faith in Laios as the best chance there is to defeat the magician. And unfortunately, the ghost assigned to talk with him has discovered they have to put their faith in a moron.

back

[kukurubean]

personal update

Hi! Hello! I'm sorry I haven't been very personable lately. A lot of you probably know I have been struggling with my health. Which has been going on for. nearly 5 years now. And I've just steadily gotten worse and worse, lol,

Anyway. I wanted to post an update to say I may have finally hit a breakthrough. 🥲🤞

I have some sort of fun wombo-combo of about 3 or 4 conditions trying to destroy me all at once, so every treatment I've tried (which isn't actually a lot, since there are no real treatments for what I have and most doctors don't want to deal with it) has done nothing and I have also been to just about every kind of medical specialist under the sun. I still get nightmares over the disaster that was traveling all the way to Mayo Clinic and I've been trying to pick up the pieces ever since.

My main doctor right now is a rheumatologist who I think I haunt at night. I've stumped him for what seems like the first time in his life. But he's trying harder than anyone else I've had before. Everyone else sent me away at this point lol

But this update comes after I had a "fuck it" moment and decided to once again apply to the big hospital nearby, because apparently I am somehow on their roster after being rejected over and over for several years now 🤪 (I think it's because of an echocardiogram I did on one of their campuses.)

Anywho, we managed to find a doctor willing to prescribe me a drug could help me feel human again. I've been to about 3 neurologists over this nonsense and no one was willing to jump through the hoops for it because it is, admittedly, an absolute pain in the ass to prescribe. It's called Xywav and it's not only a highly controlled substance but also the only damn drug of its type on the market. So you can only imagine the gerrymandering.

He's sending me to another doctor first, just to see if this other guy can offer any insight into wtf is wrong with me, but if he doesn't suggest anything else I should finally be on track to try it! I obviously don't know if it will work for me but it's the only decent bet I have left. If it doesn't work I am going to cry for about 3 months straight so please help me manifest this

[monsterswithimagines]

Undisclosed Desires - Part 11

Joe Goldberg x female!Reader

Summary: Twenty minutes before he would have met Guinevere Beck, Joe meets you instead. You intruige him, but it will soon become clear that there is something off about you.

Words: 951

Masterlist

Guysssss I'm sorry if this sucks. I spent all day at the office wishing I could write and then I got home and people just would NOT leave me alone and I had to keep taking breaks 😭😭. Also I kind of didn't know how I wanted this chapter to go at all but now that I'm past it I'll probably have less trouble.

I'm not mad, (Y/n).

It's been three days and you're still avoiding me, but I'm so not mad that I give Ethan a raise and that I buy Paco dinner twice and that I smile at everyone who walks into Mooney’s. That's how you know I love you: I understand that you need time and space to figure out how you feel. And I can wait. And I don't take it out on others. Love is patient, after all.

And this is love. I know it is. You said I am great, and cute, and ugh, and that means something. But you said it yourself: you are ruining this by avoiding me. And when I text you, you're short with me. Why are you doing this to us? Are you the kind of girl who sabotages good things?

Then you finally text me properly. It's a long string of texts, and I want to ignore you because I'm not mad, but I'm a little disappointed in you, honestly, and I think that's fair. But the more I read, the more I smile, and I know I will not ignore you.

YOU: ok im so sorry i know iv been super distant and rude and that is totally on me and id love to tell u iv just been busy or whatever but the truth is actually that i've kind of been avoiding you?? i know i know im a mega bitch. plz forgive me 🙏🏻

YOU: but heres the thing iv never??? done this before??? like gone on dates and gotten drunk and spilled my guts to a guy and liked a guy

YOU: like this is so embarrassing bc i might just be making a super big deal out of nothing

YOU: iv had like six coffees today im sorry im not making sense

YOU: iv never had a boyfriend before and i dont have any other friends here and also im kind of like. super insecure??? so

YOU: you can interrupt me any minute now

YOU: pls

ME: Just give me a moment.

Ethan isn't here to watch the register but honestly, (Y/n)? I don't care. There's only two people in the store and they've both been browsing forever. They're just going to end up buying books they will never read, so I go into the office and close the door behind me. And then I call you.

You answer right away.

“Hey, you,” you say, embarrassed.

“You should have too much coffee more often,” I tell you.

“Uh, no, never again. I have a horrible headache.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It's okay,” you assure me. I hear something slam in the background. “Oops.”

“What are you doing?”

“Just rearranging my furniture.”

“Okay. Why?”

“I'm having a… day,” you say. “Sometimes I just have these moments where I have to change something about my life right this second, you know?”

“So you rearrange your furniture and you text guys illiterate love confessions.”

“Illiterate!” you exclaim. “I will have you know I am a copywriter, and I'm very good at my job.”

“Uh huh.”

“My failure to capitalize my texts is entirely on purpose.”

“Right.”

“And so is the lack of commas.”

I keep quiet, and you realize that I called what you sent me a love confession. You don't correct me because you do love me. You do.

“So,” you say. “Thoughts?”

“I like you. I think that's pretty clear. I went to a music festival with you, and the music was terrible.”

You laugh.

“But I don't want to push you into anything. Have you really never had a boyfriend?”

“Well, there was this boy at summer camp when I was twelve. We held hands on the swings and he shared his Nintendo with me. But I don't think that counts.” I've never wanted to kill a twelve-year-old boy before. “Then there was a girl when I was fifteen. I liked her but it turned out she was just, like, experimenting. So was I, really. We lasted two weeks.”

A girl, huh? This isn't something I expected. But I don't react, because I know you want me to react, and you also don't always like to get what you want right away.

“But no,” you conclude. “I've never actually dated anyone before. That doesn't mean you're pushing me.”

You are so brave, (Y/n). You've never been in love with anyone before but here you are, taking charge.

On your end of the phonecall, something else slams. Then something shatters. You curse and someone knocks on the office window, and I hold up my finger at him to indicate one minute.

“Hey,” I say. “Do you want me to come over and help? After work, I mean.”

“No. I mean, yes to coming over, but no to helping. I'll just get annoyed because you're not doing it exactly how I want it to be done.”

“I'll just bring food, then.”

Another kock at the window. I'm going to kill this guy.

“Great! I'm craving pizza,” you say.

“Pizza it is. Toppings?”

“Pepperoni. And jalapenos.”

“You got it.”

“See you tonight, Joe,” you say, but what you really mean is I love you.

We hang up and I go help the man. I am so nice to him, because you have invited me to your apartment. You want me there. You want me to sit on your bed and feed you and watch you move your books around because you love me, and you told me you've never had a boyfriend before which means you think I am your boyfriend now.

Closing time can't come soon enough.