#like. i Hate it. its nice being apart from my parents and stuff but uni in and of itself is so annoying and so much workkkkk

[mysunshine-youremoonlight]

i. do not want to go back to uni in a few weeks

[tomtenadia]

Island Dreams - Chapter 8

Hello people :)

here's chapter 8 for you. This chapter is a turning point in Aelin and Rowan's relationship. Nothing major... but definitely a major development for them.

I hope you love it.

Gaelic: "Thig a-steach. - come in

-------------------------

The next morning the weather was giving its worst. A terrible storm had abated on the town. According to the news from Aelin’s phone the wind had reached peak speeds over 120kph during the night. And she had heard that. Her windows had rattled all night long. She has spent the night hidden under the duvet trying to ignore the storm outside. She had been scared. Heavy rain had fallen non stop. On top of that the town had suffered a major power cut and they had been without power since the middle of the night. When morning finally came she opened the curtains and noted the sky laden with dark clouds. The rain was still heavy and the sea was angry. The pier was empty and she assumed the ferry did not manage to travel that morning. It would have been one heck of a hellish crossing. In the distance she heard sirens from the emergency services and guessed that the damage was quite bad. Very quickly she got dressed and then tried to phone Rowan and suddenly realised that, apart from the number of the shop, she had no other way of contact him. An error that had to be rectified immediately. She wore a few layers of clothing and a waterproof jacket and then left the house. Once out of the house she discovered that the wind still had not abated and it was howling.

A massive wave crashed against the pier and the spray reached all the way to her “Bloody hell.” She braced herself and ran. Ran all the way to Rowan’s and by the she time arrived she was soaked through and freezing. She reached the shop and of course it was closed. So next stop was Maeve’s. Once there she found Rowan helping Maeve cleaning up the coffee shop which looked like it had suffered some flooding “Morning.” She said sleepily. Maeve noticed her “Aelin darling, come in please it’s horrible outside.” Looking around she noticed that most of the water had been cleared and she and Rowan had created a safe corner with two camping gas stoves. It looked like Maeve had coffee on the go and some sort of warm breakfast. In that moment she was greater for the woman’s resourcefulness. “How are you?” Asked Rowan moving closer to her. When he noticed she was shivering her pulled her to him “You are cold.” He brushed his hands on her back to try and heat her up a bit “Take off the jacket, it’s wet and cold. Not good.” He left for a moment and came back with a hoodie in his hands “Put this on. Maeve has gas heating in here which is still working and it was on the radiator.” Aelin grabbed the hoodie and wore it and it was warm and soft on her skin. She snuggled in it and breathed in the scent. Pine and snow. That was Rowan’s scent. “Can I help with anything?” She offered. “My aunt is trying to prepare breakfast enough to offer it to first responders and people who need it as well. Some of the houses closer to the waterfront have suffered heavy flooding.” Then he stopped and realised he had no idea where she lived and if her house was safe. “Is your house okay?” Aelin nodded, “I live towards the end of Newton st. and I am further away from the pier. But the road was flooded and my garden was swimming as well. But the house is fine a part from not having power.” “The whole town is down.” “I kinda guessed.” Maeve reappeared at the front “Rowan darling, go and tell the first responders that I have food, coffee and tea ready. Food is very basic given the situation but at least I have something. Aelin and I will hand out provisions.” Inside Maeve’s shop it was quite nice and cozy and slowly people started to flock in, in search of some relief, warmth and a dry place. "Thig a-steach.” She said to the people and Aelin helped handing out the food. Some people stopped to talk to her, fascinated by the Londoner who had moved to Stornoway and was learning Gaelic. A few grandmas had even played matchmaking with their handsome and single grandsons. Rowan came back half an hour later with a couple of firemen. She hoped Maeve’s place was okay. She really loved it there. Aelin walked up to Rowan and the firemen “Hi,” she said interrupting them “My name is Aelin. I am doctor. Is there anything I can do to help?” One of the firemen looked at her “We have set up a temporary tent operating as triage. A couple of paramedics are looking after the minor cases. The ones that do not have to go to the hospital. We are trying not to overwhelm the A&E.” Aelin had done enough shifts in overwhelmed A&E especially on a Saturday night and knew how bad it was. “Take me there, please. I can help. I want to help.” One of the firemen nodded. Aelin noticed that he looked familiar and wondered if that was Elias’ brother. Rowan looked at Aelin and gave her a smile. Then she removed the hoodie “Keep it warm and dry for me for when I come back.” He nodded and took the hoodie back. “Oh, and by the way… you know that that hoodie is now mine, don’t you?” “I’ll make sure it smells a lot like me when you come back.” And gave her a huge grin in response. “You better.” She added with a smile and followed the fireman out of the shop. Once arrived at the tent the fireman explained the situation to the two paramedic women and they were very grateful for the extra help. Aelin got all geared up and began working through the queue. Their patients were mostly minor injuries but still, it gave her back the vibes and the adrenaline of an A&E. By the time lunch and afternoon came, Aelin was exhausted and famished. But it was a good exhausted. She had helped. Made a difference and it helped her renew the love for the job she had chosen. Not long after she finished, Rowan showed up at the tent. “Hey,” he said staying on the threshold. Aelin removed her gloves and went to him. “How’s aunt Maeve’s shop doing?” “Fine. The fire dept gave us more camping gas stoves. She called a couple of the other staff members and now they have a full kitchen up for the people and everyone working.” Then he lifted a bag “And I am bringing lunch. Aunt’s orders.” “Thank you. I am starving.” He smiled, deposited the bag on the floor and zipped up her paramedic jacket “It’s cold outside.” He picked up the bag of food again and took her hand in his “Come.” “Uh?” “We are going to have lunch in a quiet and dry place.” “Okay.” He put an arm around her shoulder and tucked her close to him while they were walking along the road. She loved the feeling of being so close to him. His scent relaxed her. “Where are we going?” “My place.” Aelin turned to him in disbelief. When they finally arrived at his place she noticed he stayed in a small semi-detached house and he had a well tended garden. The house seemed very cozy. She followed him inside removed her jacket and her shoes and stood there. “Go to the living room.” And he passed her the bag full of food. “I’ll go and get some stuff.” Tentatively she took a few steps inside the room. The curtains were still drawn so the place was bathed in darkness. She took her phone from he jeans and switched on the torch. Once having reached the windows safely, she opened the curtain to let the light in. She then turned and noticed the incredible amount of books. That room was paradise. He had books everywhere, in all the possible nooks and crannies. “I run out of space a long time ago. I have my least favourite in the attic. I just love books.” And he shrugged. “This living room is just wonderful. I am so jealous right now.” “I have some candles. The light coming from the outside is not much and this should help.” He placed a few candles around the house and she laughed when she noticed they were battery powered. “Really? You just killed the mood.” He looked up at her grinning “There is no way I light up real fire near so many books. Such a massive hazard.” Aelin laughed and started unpacking the food containers and placing the stuff on the plates he had brought through. “I put the heating on as well, so it should get cozy soon.” “Come sit down and eat. You must be hungry too.” And she patted the spot beside her. He nodded and sat beside her. They ate quietly. Aelin a few times did try to start a conversation but always stopped not sure if he wanted to talk or not. “Did you go to uni?” She asked. That was a safe question, hopefully. “I did. I studied business management in Glasgow. It came quite useful once I opened my bookshop.” “How the idea came about? To open the shop?” She noticed Rowan stiffen. Shit. Wrong question already. Rowan breathed deeply and decided it was time to listen to his aunt. It was time to open up. He placed his plate on the coffee table “There was this girl, Lyria.” He started, and the usual tug of pain was still there. “We met at uni down in Glasgow. She was from the islands as well. We started dating after we both came back here after graduating.” He closed his eyes and leaned a bit deeper on the back couch “I always loved books. But I hated the idea of using my degree for a boring corporate job. It was not for me. So I started working on an idea: open a bookshop.” He breathed deeply again, trying to chase away the pain “My parents had passed in an accident when I was little but they left me a fund. It allowed me to buy this house and also have enough money left to start my shop. So I used every penny to buy an empty shop in town, I did it up and a year later I had my shop.” Aelin stretched a hand and placed on his, now in a fist on his knee. “I knew Lyria was looking for a job so I offered her one and we started working together. We picked the name of the shop and began thinking about what books to have. She was not a proper bookworm like me, but she liked books enough.” Aelin looked at him and noticed the pain in his eyes. What had this woman done to him to cause him such anguish? “We started dating. Quite seriously. She moved in with me after a while. We started talking about the future, dreams and whatnot. I was never one for flings. I was committed to her to the fullest. I wanted a family, a nice house and kids. The whole package. At the time she told me she wanted it too. And I believed her.” He stood irritated and walked to the window “Just over a year ago I proposed to her. I was ready and she gave me the impression that she was ready too.” “Shit.” “About nine months ago she started getting weird with me. Some nights she would not come home and I later found out she was staying at a friend’s house. She barely talked to me anymore and we stopped…being intimate. She started making up excuses why she was not in the mood. Then all of a sudden she stopped coming to the bookstore and she never bothered to tell me why.” Hi voice now a mere whisper. “Finally I decided to confront her and find out what was happening. She told she was getting cold feet, that she didn’t want to get married anymore, that she made a mistake and she thought she loved me but it was more an infatuation. She told me that my obsession with having a family was freaking her out. But I never pushed the whole kids issue. I was happy to wait for her to be ready. She told me we wanted different things and that I had to go and find myself a woman who wanted all that because she was not the one. The next day she came to the bookshop and gave me back the ring.” Aelin reached him at the window and put a hand on his shoulder “I am sorry, but what a bitch.” She heard a very soft chuckle “I called her worse. Apparently my aunt spotted her a few times with a guy while we were still engaged. I never knew if she was fully cheating on me as well. Anyway, she got a job at An Lanntair.” Aelin face lit up in surprise “Is she a brunette? Brownish eyes?” Rowan nodded “Shit. The first day I was here I went inside and then asked for a bookshop and she told me to look for Rowan’s. Not the name of the shop but yours.” “I can’t go in there anymore, And I love that place but the idea of seeing her…” She took his hands and squeezed it. Then she leaned against his back and hugged him from behind. He did not shy away from the contact. On the contrary he grabbed her hands on his stomach and squeezed them tightly. “Sounds we both have horrible exes.” Aelin knew that was the time. She had to open up to him. She did it with Elias but it had not felt satisfying. She had a feeling that opening up to Rowan was her chance to finally move on and begin to heal. “What do you mean?” He asked not moving from the position they were in and Aelin thanked him for that. It felt perfect. “I was married, Rowan. Until a year ago I was married.” She felt him stiffen “What did he do?” His tone was cold. “He was a police office. We met at the hospital after his partner got injured badly. We had coffee… we hit it off, the usual thing. We started dating and I was happy.” She felt his hands squeezing hard “We were together for four year before he proposed to me. We were married for five.” It actually felt good to talk to him. Just as good as it always felt with Lysandra “But toward the end he became weird too. Life of a police officer is quite hectic too, and we could go on for a whole week without seeing each other, that had happened. But all of a sudden I noticed his shift pattern had started to change to a point that he was never home when I was.” She inhaled Rowan’s scent to try and calm down “One day I was on my break after surgery and I decided to go and see him at his work. Once I got there he was outside Police HQ, with another woman. And they were making out. I walked to him and punched him hard in the face and told the bitch to keep her tongue out of my husband’s mouth.” “Remind me not to piss you off again. Ever.” Aelin chuckled “Three days later I went to his job. Reached his office area and dumped divorce paper on his desk and told him Try and solve this case, officer Westfall. That night he came back home from work and we had a brutal fight. During the afternoon I had asked my friends Lysandra and Aedion to help me move out the following day. Lysandra had a spare room and she took me in. The divorce was brutal.” She hold him as tight as she could “He kept blaming me. According to him it was my fault. I was the one who was too obsessed with her work to care about her husband. He had the guts to tell the lawyers that I induce him to cheating because I was not committed anymore to the marriage. He brought up that I had told him I did not want a family. Which was a lie by the way.” Rowan finally turned around and pulled Aelin to his chest “I did want kids. But we were not thirty yet at the time of this conversation and I told him I wanted to wait a bit. He agreed. But during the divorce he lied.” Aelin pulled away from Rowan and went back to the sofa and sat down, her head in her hands “And I am so damn glad we did not have kids. Imagine the mess.” He heard her sob “He made me pass for a monster. For the one that had given up on our marriage. He was the one fucking another woman for months. And when I told the lawyers that he was never at home and probably sleeping with another woman, he told them that he had been moved to the night shift.” She brushed away the tears with the back of her hand “I checked with is CO. Chaol was not on the night shift.” Rowan kneeled in front of her, with a finger lifted her face staring at her in her eyes, now puffy “I am glad you punched him. I hope you broke something.” Aelin chuckled “It has been almost a year, but I still have so much rage.” “That I can relate to. A least you could punch him. I could never do that to Lyria.” “I can do that for you.” Aelin offered with a grin. Rowan sat beside her and they stayed in silence for a moment. “I am so tired…” she leaned on the side and ended up against him. Rowan got up and came back after a few minutes with a blanket and a fluffy pillow. He got the sofa ready for her “Lie down and rest. The sofa is very comfortable.” She followed his suggestion and lay down. “I am going back to my aunt and see if she need more help.” “I should come to.” She sat back up but Rowan was on his knees near where her head was, he removed hair from her face “No. Stay here and sleep, please.” “Leave me you mobile number.” Rowan looked at her “I… I actually don’t have a mobile phone.” Aelin sat up abruptly “No way.” “I just don’t need it.” “How can I call you?” “Just phone my aunt, if you need me.” He kissed her head and stood “Come on. Stop being a spoiled brat and sleep.” Aelin plunged back on the sofa and buried herself under the cozy blanket transforming herself in a human burrito. “Be careful out there.” Rowan smiled at her tenderly and left.

[hetacakes]

hitchhiking.

miya twins x fem! reader

snow white au, aka me making fanfics about my own fanfic

in which reader leaves her home in the big apple, the busy city, the whatever you'd like to call it, and takes a trip to a forest, the literal opposite of home. in fact, the two places are so different that in order to get there, a plane ride is preferable over a road trip. after a week, it's time to go home, with souvenirs, of course. leaving with a heavier bag is to be expected, but the empty backpack meant for said souvenirs was a bit too heavy, suspiciously heavy

aka reader just wants to relax and ends up bringing two hitchhiker foxes home

the others aren't included in this one, sorry :( one certain bluebird will make a guest appearance but other than that the storyline is in no way connected to snow white (though i made a few ~allusions~ for the Drama) anyway, i hope you love these annoying foxes as much as i do <3

also this is borderline abo but in my defense i wanted to make them seem more animal-like since they're technically wild animals

warning for cussing because life is hard and osamu hates atsumu

word count: 9,505

   You grew up in the suburbs, always just a half hour away from the big, bustling city, where everything is fast paced with streams of people working and struggling to make their dreams come true. So it was no surprise that when you were old enough to move out, you immediately made a home in a rundown, shitty apartment, taking the typical "small apartment, big dreams" approach to life. And it was true, you did have a dream, a big dream. While you could have been anything else: a doctor, a lawyer, a profession that would make your parents happy and keep you reliably comfortable your whole life, you could never picture forcing yourself to work through something that made you unhappy, and so you decided to take the writer path.

   It was as if you were meant to be part of the busy metropolis, meant to be the same as everyone else in the crowd: broke, fresh out of uni, and barely paying the rent for a small, crappy apartment. You soon learned that dreaming to reach your dream job, a job where working hours weren't physically and mentally draining but were rather hours of doing what you loved, would only become more than just a dream at the price of your blood, sweat, and tears, just like it did for everyone else.

   But after working your ass off and putting two books on store shelves, you were able to end your contract with the sketchy landlord in the shady part of town and move into a nicer, actually livable apartment in a better building with a better landlord in a better neighborhood.

   Now when you stepped out of your complex, you were greeted with the refreshing sight of people passing by, the sky a clear blue, with a soft breeze you could feel underneath your windbreaker as it ruffled your hair and rustled your sleeves, the bright red, blue, and yellow fabric almost as bright as the sun overhead. Birds chirped in nearby trees, and if you walked around and looked for a while, you could find a few cats hanging around the sidewalk or hiding behind dumpsters.

   It was all you could have ever asked for and more.

   But sometimes, city life can be a distraction, and sometimes, you really, really need a change of pace and scenery.

   Which brought you to the present, sitting with your legs underneath you on your soft couch, squishing the plush grey throw pillows and balancing your laptop on your thighs. The money you got from your newest releases was in no means enough to call you rich, but it was comfortable enough that costs weren't one of your concerns as you typed a quick Google search. An airline website was open on your screen, and you were browsing through the available tickets, looking for one that would take you to a nice getaway, a small break from the nonstop chaos of your city, which had finally begun to wear you out from the endless stress and sleepless nights.

   "Seven day long camp resort in one of the country's most beautiful and idyllic forests," said the advertisement that popped up on the side of your browser. Clicking on it, it took you to a pretty convincing website about Inari Lodge, a tourist attraction in the middle of a forest you had never heard of before. Lists upon lists of hiking trails, forest tours, and crafted souvenir shops caught your eye, and before you knew it you were booking a week's stay in one of their cabins. Sealing the deal and buying your ticket, you sat back and sighed, ready for a vacation.

   Two weeks later, it was a few hours before your flight, so obviously you had already packed. Not. You called a friend over to help and keep you company while you packed, and ten minutes later, a familiar brunet walked through the door, ruffling his chocolate brown locks.

   "It's nice to see you, Tooru," you greeted, padding closer to him as he opened his arms for a hug. "Your hugs are the best, as always," you smiled up at him, before taking a step back.

   "You would have seen me either way; I was just on my way to bother you," he said. "You're taking a trip without me? How will I survive without you?"

   "Don't be dramatic, Ruru," you chided, pulling your suitcase onto your bed. "I know for a fact that the week I'm gone is the same week the team you're coaching has tournaments."

   "Ugh, don't remind me. They're good kids, but they suck ass," Tooru groaned, flopping next to your suitcase. "Do you have everything you need?"

   "You tell me. Check things off," you answered while looking through your closet.

   "Oooh, do I get to see your clothes?" Tooru asked suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows.

   You rolled your eyes at him. "My shirts and pants, yeah. Everything under that has been packed into this," you said, holding up a medium sized makeup pouch. 

   "Bummer. Oh well, there's always next time."

   "Ruru, stop being dirty."

   He grumbled something underneath his breath, low enough that you missed it. "Well, how long is the stay?"

   "A week."

   "So you need seven sets of clothes?"

   "Yeah, assuming I don't pee my pants," you smiled over your shoulder, watching as Oikawa held back a laugh with his hand, a wide smile spread across his face.

   "Haha, you got the whole squad laughing. How cold is it there?"

   "It's pretty cold, apparently. I'm not surprised, it's farther north than where we live, and it gets pretty chilly here sometimes," you answered, pulling a few sweaters out of your closet, pairing it with random pairs of jeans you grabbed, and passed them to Tooru, who folded and put them in your suitcase.

   "Aww, aren't I such husband material? Wait here wifey, I'm gonna get your stuff from the bath," Oikawa winked, throwing up a peace sign at you before he turned and disappeared behind the white door.

   "Can you get my toothbrush stuff too? Thank you~," you called after him in a sweet singsong voice. 

   You glanced at your bookbag, still on your couch, just where you left it. You looked at the scarf in your hands, a large white scarf too bulky to wear, and decided to throw it in there, along with your laptop and charger. You put an extra pair of comfortable boots in a reusable bag, neatly settling it between your clothes. Tooru handed you another bag, and a peek inside showed you your bath and bathroom essentials. You flashed a grateful smile at him, before turning and grabbing the last few items to throw in your bookbag-turned-carry-on, which included your notebook full of your messy brainstorming, a pack of pens, and your phone charger. Zipping your suitcase closed, you pulled up the handle and hung your bag around it.

   "Okay, I'm ready. I've got everything, except you," you winked mischievously at Tooru.

   "You're flirting! It's not fair," he complained, hand grabbing at his heart, the other draped dramatically over his forehead.

   "Guilty as charged," you winked, throwing up a finger heart. "Drive me to the airport?"

   "Of course, babe."

   You had already checked in your suitcase, got your ticket safely in your hand, and all that was left for you to do was wait an hour or so until boarding. You turned to Tooru, giving him one last hug. "I'm gonna miss you and the others, Ruru," you whispered softly, even though you were only leaving for a week.

   Tooru hugged you back, holding you tightly against his chest. He let you go, before taking a step back and pulling his hoodie over his head, his shirt riding up a bit, showing some skin for a split second. "Here, wear this," he said, handing it over to you.

   You brightened, smiling like a thousand suns before slipping it on. It was huge on you, and you were almost drowning in the soft, teal blue fabric. He gave you a fond look, his eyes shining in such pure, unadulterated love that it took your breath away for a moment.

   "Thank you, Tooru."

   "Keep it warm for me, okay?"

   "I know, I know, I promise you'll see it when I come back."

   He gave you one last hug, short and sweet, before walking away, turning to look back at you one last time. You stood there until the doors slid closed behind his back, a soft smile on your face, before you turned away and walked to your terminal, hoping to kill time either shopping, eating, or sleeping.

  You could finally lean back and relax once you were secured in your seat, miles in the air. Boarding and finding your aisle wasn't much of a hassle, thank the gods, and the glass of the plane window was refreshingly cool against the tip of your nose as you peered down at the clouds passing by. You held your bookbag against your chest, looking inside at the empty space in between the few items you did pack into it. Your laptop was safely zipped up in its designated pouch, along with its charger and your notebook, and the pack of pens that had somehow opened inside the pocket, which you had found out earlier as you tried to fish one out but instead pulled the empty cardboard packaging. Your phone charger was the only thing laying on the scarf you threw in there, a makeshift nest for nothing. Well, nothing yet.

   You were excited to spend a week in a completely different environment, surrounded by lush forestry and the coos and calls of whatever animals lived there, a place where you're never truly alone, but in a good way. It was a stark contrast from the car fumes in the city air, with the only plant life in a park square and the only sounds are the constant chatter and hum of people and cars finding their destinations. There never once was an hour of silence, and while you had been able to enjoy it as your background noise while writing, it wasn't long until you finally got tired of it. You could've sworn that the city had gotten louder on purpose just to exhaust and stress you out every night, so you were more than ready to finally be able to clear your head and maybe even flesh out an idea or two.

   The sound of the intercoms crackling to life made you jolt, holding a hand to the cold imprint on your cheek left from sleeping against the window. The pilot announced that the plane was descending, and you gathered your bag and Tooru's hoodie, bundling them both in your arms.

   Truth be told, you were glad to step off the plane. You felt the chill of the outside while walking off the plane through the passenger boarding bridge and stood for a second to put the hoodie back on, humming slightly at Tooru's smell still on the cloth, a nice, sweet but not too sweet scent that made you smile to yourself.

   You got lost in thought, so your body was on autopilot when you went to pick up your luggage and almost picked up the wrong suitcase, until the actual owner picked it up first, eyeing you weirdly. With guilty, heated cheeks, you grabbed your suitcase, checked it once, then twice, then three times, and finally hopped into an Uber as fast as you could, hoping that you wouldn't be starting your first day on vacation dying of embarrassment.

   You hurriedly thanked the driver for dropping you off, then made your way into a wooden building, the wood a warm oak with a little golden bell that chimed as you walked in. A woman behind the desk smiled at you, and you sighed, happy to have nothing to worry about, now that you were finally there.

   "Hello, welcome to Inari Lodge! Is there something I can help you with?"

   "Yes, please," you said, pulling your luggage close to you. "I reserved a cabin, and I need the keys, right?"

   "Of course," she smiled at you, and for a quick second, you thought that she resembled a cat, with black hair and upturned eyes.

   "Um, I'm sorry if I'm being intrusive, but are you a mom?"

   "Haha, don't worry, you're fine! Yes I am, my name is Kozume Sakura, and I have a son," she answered kindly, and you couldn't help but feel relieved to finally have a good thing to improve your currently-going-badly day.

   "Ah, it's just that you seemed familiar to someone I've seen around campus."

   "Ah, that would most likely be my son," she said, a sweet smile spreading across her face. "Anyway, here are your keys, and I've written the directions to your cabin right here. Don't hesitate to come and ask me for anything, okay?"

   "Yeah, okay," you nodded gratefully, making sure to wave goodbye as you walked out the doors, looking at the map in your hands.

   "I can not believe how hard it was to find you," you said to the cabin as you flopped on the bed, tired of having such a conflicting day. You sat up quickly, slapping your cheeks, "No, I won't let a few fuck ups ruin everything for me."

   Grabbing your phone, you slipped it into your hoodie pocket as you walked out the door, set on exploring the area.

   You decided not to take an official trail, preferring to save them for later, which brought you to an ordinary worn dirt path as you walked aimlessly, taking rights and lefts as you pleased.

   A rustling in the bushes lining the trail caught your attention. Just as you walked closer to separate the branches and peek through, a fox fell out of the leaves, as if something had pushed it out. The fox seemed to scowl at whatever had shoved it, before it turned its attention to you.

   Before you could think better, you crouched on the ground as you cooed, resting your cheek in your palm. "Hello, cutie fox, how are you?"

   The fox stared at you, which was good, because if it started speaking you would've booked it right then and there, but also bad, because you didn't know if it was irritated by your presence. It seemed to look warily at you, not ready to attack, but not fully trusting either.

   "Come here, I want to pet you," you crooned, holding out the end of your sentence as you leaned forward against your better judgement, shifting your legs from against your chest to underneath you. Before it could make a decision, however, another fox jumped out of the bushes and straight into your arms, settling happily in your lap. Caught by surprise, you stared, while the first fox yipped at it, jumping forward and pushing it out of your lap. You watched as they tumbled to the ground, rolling as they fought and wrestled.

   "Um, okay… I think I'll just go now, bye!" You quipped before turning around and walking steadily back to where you came from, not wanting to get caught up in a wild animal fight.

   "Look at what ya did 'Tsumu, why do ya always mess everything up?"

   "Me? Me?! You were the one that jumped me!"

   "'Cause I didn't recall inviting you to our conversation, dumbass!"

   "Yer a fuckin' fox, you can't talk! You're just jealous!"

   "So are you! We're twins, shithead!"

   And they kept arguing, voices carrying throughout the forest, even as they walked along the path the pretty, perfect, kind, and amazing love of their li— , ahem, the completely normal girl from earlier took, leading to the all too familiar lodge situated at the edge of their forest.

   "That was close," you whispered to yourself as you leaned against the door, as if the foxes would be strong enough to bust it open. They hadn't even followed you, as you didn't hear them, and when you glanced behind you, nobody was there.

   "Anyway, I guess I should plan out what I'm gonna do here, I don't want this trip to be a waste," you said, opening your suitcase and putting your clothes in the drawers, setting your bathroom essentials on top of it. You grabbed your bookbag from where you had thrown it on the bed and set it on a glass table. You pulled out your notebook and flipped to a blank page, cringing as you passed by page after page of chicken scratch.

   "The only reason I can read my own handwriting is because I'm there when it's written," you muttered to yourself as you rummaged for a pen, finding one out of the set of five. You wrote down the days of the week you'd be staying there, with your first official day starting tomorrow, on Tuesday. Your flight back was scheduled for a week later, on Monday. You hummed happily, glad that your timetable worked out so neatly as you wrote down the days of the week, leaving enough space for a bullet list underneath.

   On your last day at the lodge, you made sure to make a note to leave at noon at the latest, since your flight was at six in the afternoon, and you wanted to be extra, extra, extra sure that you would not miss it. Ideally, you would be all packed up Sunday night, but knowing you and your procrastinating self, you wrote it down for the day before, even though you knew you would probably be packing the day of, just as you did before.

   You made sure to set Saturday as souvenir hunting day, hoping to bring back something for Tooru, a thank you for the help and hoodie.

   The foxes you met earlier crossed your mind, but the grumbling of your stomach reminded you to get some dinner and wrap up your day. Holding the map out in front of you, you memorized the directions to a cafe not too far from your cabin, and went on your way.

   "Hello, can I get the sandwich of the day with a cinnamon hot chocolate and a slice of pumpkin bread?"

   "Of course! Here's your total."

   The worker you were pleasantly talking to gave you a small smile before glancing to the side, as if something caught his eye. He pulled a face at whatever he was looking at, and you followed his annoyed gaze to the two foxes you met earlier, playing next to one of the bean bag chairs next to the door, near the window wall of the cafe.

   You laughed awkwardly, "Haha, um, is there something wrong?"

   He seemed to snap out of giving them the stink eye, profusely apologizing to you as he provided an explanation, "No, no, it's fine, it's just that those two foxes are some of the forest animals that walk around the lodge, except they're the only ones that are more annoying than cute. Some cats and birds and such come by and usually will just sit next to the register, you know, like nice and normal animals, but these foxes seem hellbent on walking around and biting at people's ankles and fighting and making huge messes that they can't clean up because they're damn foxes."

   You laughed again, though this time it was genuine. "You seem to have very strong feelings about their mischief," you joked, watching as he relaxed.

   "Yeah, but at the end of the day, they're still just foxes, and we make sure all the animals of the forest are safe and sound."

   And if the foxes decided to cause more trouble than usual, that was their business, their decision, and not in any way related to the slight dislike of the barista, which was in turn totally not because you got along well with him.

   After paying, you made your way to a table in the corner of the windows where the glass met the wall, looking absentmindedly at the visitors and workers walking past, occasionally with a rabbit or bird or other critter.

   "I have your hot chocolate and sandwich, and your bread will be in just a moment. Unfortunately, I also brought these two," the barista you were talking to said as he set your food and drink on the table, before glancing at the floor. Just as you were about to lean over and see, two foxes jumped up on the seat across from you, settling themselves on the table, curled up like cats.

   You waved him off with a grin, "Oh it's fine, I have a feeling they'll behave."

   You took a sip out of your hot chocolate, savoring the warmth it gave you after being in the outside chill. You picked up your sandwich and took a bite, before speaking, "Are you done fighting?"

   Both foxes stared at you, and if they were people, you were sure their mouths would be hanging open, dumbfounded and mildly offended as you nonchalantly took another bite, not waiting for them to respond or react.

   You reached a hand out while they were frozen and pet the head of the fox nearest to you. It lowered its head slightly, shyly accepting your affection.

   "Aww, you're so cute. What's your name?"

   Of course, it couldn't speak, but it batted your hand with its left paw. "So cute," you crooned, "Come here?"

   Just like before, when the fox was about to walk towards you, the other one jumped at you, and you hurried to wrap your arms around it. You stared at it in your arms, tummy up like a baby.

   You rubbed its stomach. "What about you? What's your name?"

   He happily raised his right paw, and you held it gently before putting him back on the table, which was good, because the left paw fox was a second away from pouncing on it again. The fox you set down scrambled onto the tabletop, and watched with what you would call betrayed eyes as you carried the other fox into your lap, petting its head lightly.

   "It's not your turn," you quipped, focusing your attention on the fox in your lap. "You're so cute, so cute, please be my baby~."

   The fox you dumped on the table yipped indignantly at you, and you decided to mess with him. "Oh, you're still here? Well, I guess you're okay…" you trailed off, struggling to keep a poker face as he looked at you with puppy eyes, while the other fox barked out high pitched laughs, which made him get up and get ready to jump.

   You pet him between his ears. "I'm just joking. Jeez, you're always at each other's necks," you complained, sitting back and continuing to eat your sandwich.

   As if to prove you wrong, the fox in your lap jumped on the table and curled up with the other fox, both of them leaning against each other like close brothers. Coincidentally, the waiter walked by with your pumpkin bread, watching in amazement.

   "How did you do that?" he asked, and you just shrugged in response, your attention mostly on your sandwich.

   When you finished it, you took another sip of your drink before you tore off two pieces of your bread. You offered it to them as a reward, for finally behaving themselves. They yipped happily in response, content with spending the rest of your time together eating in comfortable silence.

   You pulled yourself out of bed, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. Embarrassingly, jet lag made you sleep in on Tuesday, your first official day at the lodge, and by the time you woke up, you had nothing to do but eat and jot down some story ideas, none of which stuck to you.

   So you made sure to wake up nice and early the next day, dead set on going on at least one trail. You showered and changed into a new pair of jeans and a knit grey sweater. You stood for a moment, debating if you should wear a jacket or Tooru's hoodie over it, but decided against it and deemed the sweater good enough.

   Thankfully, it was one of the warmer, sunnier days. You looked down at your map, making your way towards the open lodge outlet, taking note of the small clusters of people milling about, a familiar sight, albeit on a smaller, calmer scale. You looked up at the wooden signs pointing towards various shops, restaurants, and forest attractions. You finally found the one you were looking for, pointing to your right with the word "birdwatch" carved across. When you followed its directions, you came to a small gift shop at the start of a wide, dirt path, imprints of boots and footsteps all over the light brown ground. Walking inside, a small wind chime announced your arrival, twinkling like bird chirps, and the person behind the counter looked up.

   "Oh, it's you!" she exclaimed, recognizing your face.

   "Hello again! I thought you worked at the reception desk?"

   "I'm covering for someone's shift right now, they had finals to take. Are you here for a birdwatch?"

   "Spot on," you answered, bringing a hand up to rub the back of your head with a meek smile. Kozume winked at you, before taking out two binoculars from under the desk.

   "Well then, let's go!"

   "You know, some of these birds remind me of the ones that live near my apartment building," you mentioned, picturing the large cherry blossom tree that stretched its branches past your window. "The birds here are so much more interesting though," you lamented. "The city just has crows and small birds, but here there's robins and warblers and so many more species, with great diversity. It's like the bird version of the people back home."

   "I can imagine not many birds want to live near so many humans, but these have all of the forest to themselves. Look, the bird over there, with the blue mohawk, is called an Asian Paradise Flycatcher, and…" she trailed off, continuing your tour of one of the forest trails, before whipping an arm in front of you, exclaiming, "Watch your step!"

   You froze with your foot still in the air, watching as the fox you narrowly missed stepping on darted in front of you.

   "I'm sorry, he's not really supposed to be here, he has his own trail," Kozume frantically apologized while glaring at the fox, before sighing in relief when you responded with a small laugh.

   "It's fine, I've met him before," you reassured while looking around, searching for a certain somebody. "And I learned that he never walks alone…"

   To prove your point, the other fox you were well acquainted with joined his brother, running around in front of you.

   "Well, the next part of our trail is basically a circle back, so hopefully they run off to where they belong, I don't want you to get in trouble for messing with the animals because of them," Kozume said as you made a left, walking back to the start of the trail.

   When you opened the door to the gift shop, two furry animals zipped past your feet, and you already knew who they were before you even saw them.

   "Kozume, is it normal for these guys to always hang around here?" you asked, picking up both foxes in your arms, resting them comfortably in your arms.

   Kozume turned around to look at you, her hands still in midair, putting away your binoculars. "Actually, no, they do come by once or twice but they never hang around, and we just assumed they don't like people very much since they really only hang out with each other. They've never let anyone pet them…" she stopped mid-sentence as she watched you pet their heads and stomachs with no resistance from the two.

   You glanced up. "Huh? Oh, I don't really have a lot of experience with animals, but they're just so cute," you said, before snapping your head up, eyes wide in realization. "Hey, do you have some ribbon or something?"

   "Yes! We use them to identify specific birds we keep tabs on, especially ones we just recently nursed back to health," she explained, pulling out a box of ribbons, offering it to you. You set the foxes on the counter, watching Kozume hesitantly reach a hand out to them from the corner of your eye. They protested, but allowed her to pet them when you eyed them. Looking into the box, you fished out two ribbons, one a golden yellow, and the other a nice warm grey.

   "May I?" you asked, directing the question to Kozume. The foxes, however, decided you were talking to them and excitedly sat in front of you, pulling each ribbon towards them with their paw.

   "I think they said yes," Kozume chuckled, and you took that as your permission to put ribbons on their, er, the forest's foxes. You cooed at them, asking which one would go first. The fox with the yellow ribbon in his mouth nudged your hand with his face, making you smile.

   "Which are you, left or right?"

   The fox raised its right paw and rubbed his face as your answer, and you kept that in mind while you tied the ribbon around his neck, finishing it off with a nice bow. You did the same to the other fox, who voluntarily shook your hand with his left paw, just in case you forgot. By the time you were done, both foxes were playing on the counter, ribboned bows securely on their necks.

   "What if you started working here? The way you can interact with the animals so easily is honestly amazing," Kozume asked, springing the question on you out of the blue.

   You jumped, before you began rubbing the back of your head sheepishly, "Ah, I would love to, honestly, but I work as an author, and it's best if I stay relatively close to my publishing company."

   Kozume smiled understandingly, "Yeah, I figured. Well, just know that me and the foxes will be missing you hundreds of miles away." Then she brightened, pulling out her phone, "Put your number in, so we can stay in touch, and so I can keep an eye on my son," she winked cheekily as you accepted her offer.

   While the two of you were occupied, focused on your conversation, the two foxes stopped playing, standing abruptly and whipping their faces towards you.

   Loud crying made you turn away from Kozume and look for the source of the high-pitched whining, popping the question "who's making those crying puppy sounds?" into the air.

   Your eyes landed on the foxes, both of which were crying and walking towards you, tugging at your sleeve and rubbing their heads against your arms. Your heart melted, and you turned to Kozume, pity written across your face.

   "When I said they would miss you, I didn't think it would be this much…"

   "No, you can't come in here! I'll be kicked out if I let you guys in!"

   The foxes, still with the ribbons tied perfectly and safely around their necks, were looping around your legs, blocking your entrance to the cabin you've rented. They both looked up at you and cried, their whines catching the attention of some workers and visitors nearby.

   "Okay, fine! If I get in trouble, it's your fault," you relented, turning the knob and carefully opening the door, watching as they slipped in, leaving you to shut the smooth oak door quietly behind you as you flipped on the light switch.

   The second you let electric light flood the cabin, you realized the foxes were nowhere to be seen. Only mildly worried, since you knew they were at least somewhere inside, you shrugged it off and walked to the dresser, pulling out Tooru's hoodie and some sweatpants, before making your way to the bathroom.

   Out of nowhere, a fox came zooming at your feet, eager to come inside with you. This time, you were firm as you said, "I'm going to shower, so you can back off and play around while I'm in the bathroom, alone, with no perverts!"

   The grey fox started laughing at the peeping fox, which you realized was the yellow ribboned one. As expected, he launched at his brother, and you took the distraction as an opportunity to step inside the bathroom and shut the door behind you, locking it just to make sure.

   Freshly showered, with your comfortable, warm clothes on, you shuffled out of the bathroom, already expecting the foxes right there, having to step over them to make your way to the bed. They jumped up with you, but once the grey fox came close enough to sniff your hoodie, it barked indignantly, biting at the hoodie.

   "Hey! This isn't mine, it's Tooru's, so I can't let you destroy it!" you chided, pulling your sleeve away. Apparently you had said the wrong thing, because both foxes started pulling your sleeves together, before you yanked your arms out of their grips.

   "Tooru doesn't even smell bad, he smells nice," you said, pulling the hoodie up to smell the familiar scent, the aromas of chocolates and sweets in fresh air, reminding you of the skies back at the city: the smells of bakeries and cafes wafting through the air and birds chirping above you every time you walked down a street. Still, when the foxes continued growling, you reluctantly tugged the sweater off and stayed in just a white t-shirt, an old, stretched out shirt with the print on the front long since faded and gone.

   When you plopped back on the bed, the foxes crowded towards you, close enough that if you didn't know better, you'd think that they were trying to get you to forget about Tooru and focus on them. Subconsciously taking a breath, you caught the smell of a forest clearing or meadow, a smell of fresh grass and fresh air and petrichor, which you would expect from foxes that were supposed to stay and play in the forest, but you also noticed slight variations in the scent, obviously coming from either fox.

   Yellow ribbon had a scent like honey, with a strong undertone of a woodsy musk, which made you picture drinking tea sweetened with the golden syrup right outside your cabin. 

   Grey ribbon had a strong campfire scent, the smell of crackling wood and fire and melting chocolate. A scene under a clear night sky surrounding a fire with the aroma of cinnamon in the air came to mind, and you let yourself get lost in thought, your senses being occupied with new scents, sights, and imagery.

   If the foxes were human, their faces would surely have the widest, shit-eating grins, smug and satisfied at having you distracted from the minor annoyance from earlier and focused on them, just as they wanted.

   You snapped out of it. "You little—, you just want me to give you attention and affection and baby you," you accused, pushing them away from your face. They didn't protest or bark at you, and you figured it was because they knew they were guilty as charged. "Jeez, you're acting like Tooru is a threat or something…"

   You heard two big sighs, and blinked in surprise at the foxes as they settled onto the plush white covers. Maybe it was because they were so human-like and made you honestly contemplate whether they could understand you or not, or maybe it was because the only animal you've heard sigh is your mom's dog back at your family home, but whatever it was, it made you think, for a split second, that the foxes were humans turned animals, kind of like the frog prince. But that was stupid, so you shook your head, got up and turned off the lights, opening the curtains but keeping the blinds closed, and settled back into bed as slats of moonlight came from the spaces between the blinds.

   The foxes climbed into your arms, and you held them close to you as you fell asleep, telling yourself it was only because you had crossed the line earlier, even though deep down you knew that wasn't the real reason.

   You pulled the two fluffy sources of heat closer to you, unwilling to open your eyes and start the day. It's only when the heaters started licking your face that you panicked and freaked out.

   High pitched yips made the events of yesterday evening rush back to you, and you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes tiredly, surprised that you had a good night's sleep with two, technically, wild animals.

   You scooped the drowsy foxes into your arms before making your way to the big wooden door and pushing it open, setting the foxes on the ground.

   "You weren't even supposed to be in there, you know," you said as the foxes tried to get back in, pawing at the door. You shivered, the chill in the air numbing your exposed skin and wrapping around your bare arms, and you hurriedly shooed them away before retreating back inside the warmth of the cabin.

   Safely bundled in a sweater from your university under a hoodie, one of your own this time, you joined a group going for the fox trail, wondering if you'd see yours.

   Pointedly ignoring how you immediately thought of them as "your" foxes, you listened to the tour guide, an employee you hadn't met yet, talk about how the foxes don't always show on the trail.

   "That's a shame, let's just hope for the best," other visitors and families whispered around you, with some of them saying they didn't see that many foxes yesterday, only a few odd ones out here and there. Knowing where they actually were the day before, you stifled a laugh, even as your ears turned red with guilt and embarrassment, before following at the back of the group as they started the trail.

   Luckily, you saw a few grey and brown foxes, who seemed like actual normal foxes and not borderline sentient, but around the middle of the trail it was basically deserted.

   "Let me try to call them," the guide offered, bringing his hands up to cup his mouth and whistle loudly.

   Silence answered, with no signs of anything coming to visit. 

   The tour guide encouraged the group to call out and whistle, and various whistles and voices rose from the group.

   Not wanting to draw attention to yourself, you crouched low, at eye-level with the bushes, and softly called out for two specific foxes, your hello muffled by the rest of the crowd.

   You gave up, feeling stupid and unconvinced that your almost-whisper would carry over the noise of the crowd, and sat on the ground, legs folded under you, deciding to wait until the group either got tired or another fox actually showed up for them. Just then, the bushes in front of you started to rustle, and your lovely grey ribboned fox jumped out, immediately crawling into your lap to nuzzle your face.

   The people closest to you turned at the noise and noticed you cuddling with him on the ground, and word started spreading throughout the group that someone had successfully lured out a fox.

   "Look! There's one running this way!" the ones at the front of the group called, and you looked just in time to see your other fox running towards you, straight past the tour guide and the rest of the group. You smiled fondly at them, before lowering your face to let both of them rub their cheeks against yours.

   "Ma'am, could you please not touch the animals?" the tour guide told you timidly, obviously not wanting to reprimand you for being able to actually call out foxes on the designated fox trail, but you understood it was mostly so others didn't start getting any ideas, thinking they had permission.

   You nodded sheepishly, lightly putting them on the floor before standing up, wiping the dust off your knees. However, the whole group watched as the foxes looped around your feet, even going so far as to jump up and paw at your thighs.

   "Do you work here? You're so good with animals!" a mom in the crowd asked, and you looked at the actual worker, unsure of what to say. He stared back at you with just as much confusion, before shrugging, leaving you to make up a convincing story on the spot.

   "Actually, these foxes used to live near me, but I live in a city, so I brought them here so they'd be safer than on the streets," you fibbed, though you gave yourself a pat on the back for how reliable the story was. If anyone really did have to ask, yes, you did live in a city, and yes, you would one hundred percent bring foxes and other animals to a forest or wildlife lodge. Did that really happen? No, but could it? The answer was yes, and you sighed in relief when the mom turned, accepting your answer. You giggled when the tour guide released a breath he didn't even know he was holding, and he continued the trail, sending a discreet wink your way.

   You didn't notice the way your foxes growled at that, and if someone had asked you why you had two foxes right at your heels, walking next to you protectively like a pair of guard dogs, you'd blink in confusion, oblivious to the reality of their words.

   Before you knew it, it was Saturday, souvenir shopping day. You slung on your bookbag, ready to put some weight in it.

   At the lodge's shopping centre, you saw gift shops, clothing shops, and random trinket shops alike. In the gift shop, you found crystal figurines of animals in and around the lodge, and a cute little bird the color of a clear sky caught your eye. For some reason, it reminded you of Tooru, and you couldn't stop yourself from buying it and watching as the cashier wrapped it in paper before setting it in a white velvet box, cushioned and safe. Huh, crystal bird, blue, bluebird. You may have found another nickname for Ruru. You absentmindedly slipped it into your bag, happy to have found what you were looking for so fast and a new nickname.

   But stores weren't anything if not eye-catching, and the shelf of plush animals distracted you. The fox plushies, specifically, were so similar to actual foxes that they'd be perfect replacement cuddle buddies for when you went back home to your big city.

   But then you felt incredibly embarrassed and childish for that, so you shook your head as you walked out of the shop, ignoring the way that thought stuck in your head like a moth to a lamp.

   Still, you found yourself walking through store after store after store. Once you finally snapped out of it, you had just stepped out of the birdwatching souvenir store, all too aware of the set of postcards themed after the various birds you could spot on the trail. You told yourself that the blue mohawk bird on the front was a great reminder of both the trail and Kozume, and made a mental note to get her to write something before you left, lessening your guilt over having bought something almost useless.

   By the time you came back to the cabin, your wallet felt significantly lighter while your bookbag was very obviously heavier. You had stuffed the velvet box, postcard deck, two maroon sweaters with "Inari Lodge" printed across the front with the forest's logo, and a large and heavy book about spirits and legendary deities that guard and dwell in the forest. According to the summary on the back, the book was basically a collection of the myths and legends surrounding the forest, including one about people that could transform from animal to person and back again. The cover of the book immediately made you think "grimoire", and you were set on buying it, if not for the stories, then for the aesthetic.

   You wondered briefly if it was real as you unclasped the leather string binding the book shut and flipped through yellowed pages with torn edges, looking at all the pictures that looked believable hand drawn and writing in a language you could only understand when you squinted your eyes.

   You had wrapped everything in the two sweaters, and then in the white scarf, making sure they were safe and at no risk of being crushed or damaged, especially the crystalline figure.

   "Are ya sure she isn't coming back?"

   "Yes, 'Tsumu, last I checked she was dropping off her keys to Kozume."

   "But she'll be back soon?"

   "Yeah no shit, genius, that's why you either get in here with me or stay behind."

   "Hey, I'm just makin' sure you're prepared for this y'know, in case you start crying for momma or somethin'."

   "Shut yer face and die."

   "What do we do now?"

   "I don't wanna pay for a ticket, 'Samu."

   "Me neither, but we can't hitch a ride in her carry-on anymore, it's going through TSA."

   They both leaned against the wall, realizing that they were both stupid and their plan was stupid squared.

   Atsumu looked up, the ribbon around his neck moving with him, and he watched you walk into the bathroom, leaving your luggage outside the door. He nudged Osamu, pointing at the bathroom door.

   "Nice," he praised.

   And if people saw two foxes crawling into a bookbag? It's the airport at three in the alternate airport timeline, who cares.

   "My bag is so heavy," you complained, flopping into your assigned seat. It was another window seat, and the view of the land underneath becoming smaller and smaller until it was covered by a sea of clouds made you feel a little better. Still, how did your bag get that heavy? When it was empty, it was literally lightweight, and when you were still shopping, it wasn't that hard to carry it as you went from store to store. You groaned, rolling your shoulder from the pain of carrying the boulder of a bag.

   "That's what I get for buying so much," you berated yourself, opening the flap and looking inside. Surprisingly, two fluffy foxes were curled up in there, resting comfortably on your white scarf. For a moment, you thought your foxes had hitched a ride and were coming home with you, but you'd obviously notice that, right? And besides, you did see the stuffed animals in the gift shop.

   "I can't believe I actually bought the stuffed foxes just because I'll miss the real ones," you huffed, blushing slightly, as if the foxes were there and could hear you. But the foxes were not there, you had left them at the lodge, so you settled for stroking the faux fur of the stuffed foxes, the silky smooth strands so lifelike that if you didn't know better, you'd think it was real.

   "Finally," you gasped, face planting into the soft fluffy white of your blanket. You tugged off Tooru's sweater and folded it neatly, walking out and placing it on your counter, ready to return. You rummaged through your bag, that you had dropped to the floor as soon as you opened the door to your room, and tugged out the scarf from underneath your very suspiciously heavy fox plushies. 

   You unwrapped the bundle, pulling all your souvenirs out before bunching up the scarf and throwing it into your laundry basket. You set the book and postcard deck on your bookshelf, next to other various books and collectibles you've found over the years, and grabbed the velvet box, feeling its smooth texture against the palm of your hand. You set it on top of the teal hoodie, before changing out of your jeans and shirt into shorts and an oversized tee, boyfriend style.

   Ugh, a boyfriend. You've been single for way too long.

   "Please let me wake up to a miracle," you prayed, closing your eyes and pulling a serene face, before immediately flopping over and falling asleep.

   Of course, you do not expect to wake up cuddled up to a warm chest while listening to someone messing around in your bathroom, the shutting of cupboards and a phone call drifting from the white door.

   You laid there, relishing the comfort that came from being flush against someone's side, tucked under their arm.

   That's when it hit you that strangers were in your house.

   You bolted up, using your hand to choke back the scream bubbling from your throat, not wanting to let either person know you were awake.

   You looked down, realizing that you had just left the side of a very handsome and very shirtless man, his eyes slowly opening when he felt the absence of your warmth, showing you his beautiful light brown eyes, getting lost in the gold specs like stars.

   You ripped your gaze away from him and moved to swing your legs over the edge of the bed. Unfortunately for you, the mystery man reached up and tugged you back down to him, holding a finger up to his very pink and very kissable and very attract— , wait, no. He held his finger against his lips, shushing you.

   "Wait, he's coming out. Stay beside me."

   Just as you opened your mouth to retaliate, he had already thrown your white covers over the both of you and looped an arm around you, his hand resting at your waist.

   The door to the bathroom opened, and yet another stranger walked out, though it was only him, making the total number of intruders two. He had the same eyes and lips, which were the definition of picture perfect, and he was also lacking in the shirt department. His brows furrowed, and you could already feel the argument starting.

   "What the hell do ya think yer doin'?!"

   "She prefers me."

   "No she doesn't!"

   "It's true, right doll?"

   Both pairs of identical eyes stared at you, and you started panicking under the pressure.

   "I don't even know you! This is literally stranger danger!" you yelled, jumping out of the warmth of both the blanket and the guy in your bed, dodging as his hand reached out to pull you back in.

   You pressed your back against the wall, staying as far away from them as possible. You then realized what you were wearing, and tugged your shirt down even further, mentally slapping yourself for wearing shorts that left almost nothing to imagination with a shirt that reached your thighs, which would put you at a disadvantage if you had to fight or flight.

   The stranger finally got out of your bed and walked next to the other, but it was only once they were next to each other that you realized they were twins, identical twins. Both had dyed hair, but one was blond while the other had grey hair. Their bangs were parted to opposite sides, so they kind of mirrored each other, which made you shiver.

   "Don't ya remember us?"

   "Yeah, you liked me better."

   As they started bickering, as almost all siblings do, you noticed the two sweaters you bought sitting on the edge of the bed. Snatching them and balling them up in either fist, you threw them at them.

   "At least wear these!"

   "Those sweaters would eat me alive, but they fit you so well," you sighed, sitting on your legs on your bed, the two still standing in front of you.

   As they pulled the cloth over their head, you noticed the ribbons tied around their neck as they popped free from the neckline. You felt your heart sink to your stomach when you realized they were grey and yellow ribbons.

   "'s not like we've never slept with you before," yellow ribbon said.

   "You even asked me to be your baby," grey ribbon added, catching his twin's elbow in his hand.

   "I haven't even been in the city for the past week! I was at the lodge forest thing."

   "So were we."

   "Yeah, we came from there."

   "Then how did you end up here?!"

   "We came with ya," yellow ribbon said matter-of-factly while the other shrugged in agreement.

   Your breath got caught in your throat as you flipped the flap of your bookbag over, looking at the empty space in dismay.

   "Where are my foxes?"

   "That's us!" they chorused, identical smirks of pride on their faces, as if being yours was something to show off or brag about. 

   "They were plushies! People cannot be plushies!"

   "No, they were real foxes, and we're real foxes, 'cause they were us."

   "Where the hell would I get real foxes?!"

   They saw the moment you pieced two and two together, your face turning from one of anxious anger to acceptance as you realized what they were trying to say.

   The ribbons. Their colors. The plushies that felt a little too real. That one night in your cabin. The day you fed them in that one cafe.

   They were your foxes.

   "Yup," grey ribbon nodded his head, and you shut your mouth, not wanting to accidentally say what you were thinking again.

   "Why did you come here? You belong in the forest!"

   "No, we're your foxes," they said in unison.

   "No you aren't," you groaned, covering your face with both your hands.

   The two of them had attached themselves to your side, and when you said that, they seemed to get even more annoyed, and so they snuggled even closer to you, an arm slung around your shoulders and around your waist.

   "What are your names?" you finally relented, relaxing in their grip.

   "Miya Osamu," the one with the grey ribbon said, pulling you closer from the waist.

   "Miya Atsumu, the better twin," the one with the yellow ribbon retorted, tugging you back with the arm around your shoulder.

   "Stop pushing me around! We barely know each other!"

   "Can you stop with that already?" Osamu said, though he had no actual anger or malice behind his words.

   "Or do we have to remind you who you belong to?" Atsumu said suggestively, and you braced yourself for whatever mischief he had planned.

   In one moment, you were sitting normally in the middle of your bed. In the next, you were back against your headboard, your head on your pillows. And you became a pillow, as Osamu tucked his face in your neck and Atsumu rested his head on your chest.

   "We're taking a nap together again whether you like it or not," Osamu said decisively, and you could tell that was that, no arguing.

   "At least let me pull those off, it's embarrassing," you complained, your hand drifting up to Atsumu's ribbons.

   "No," he said, catching your hand warningly. Something in his voice made you obey immediately. "That's mine."

   "Well this is mine too!" you replied heatedly, bringing a hand up and cradling Osamu's head against you. But instead of doing anything or acting out like any normal person would, Osamu started purring, a satisfied grin on his face while you had a look of dismay, your cheeks reddening. 

   Atsumu glared at him, moving your hand so your arm was wrapped around him, pulling him closer as well. You got the hint and raised your other hand to run your fingers through his hair, leaving you to deal with two purring fox-shifting idiots.

   "Fine, you're both mine, I guess," you gave up, fighting back a blush and pretending that statement didn't warm your heart as much as it did.

   "And your ours," they chorused happily, and you didn't even try to hide the pink spreading across your cheeks when they rubbed their faces against yours.

   "Okay," you said quietly, accepting the fact that them being yours and you being theirs made you feel something happy and content in your chest, something that was dangerously close to love. If you were like them, you were one hundred percent sure you'd start purring, too.

   I mean, you did say you wanted a boyfriend, and the universe was kind enough to give you more than what you bargained for.

   The sun dipped below the horizon, painting the sky with yellow and red while the blues and purples of night crept closer. The clouds were fluffy and lined with silver, their normal white reflecting pink hues.

   The last rays of sunlight filtered through a sheer peach curtain, coating everything in gold lighting.

   Three people were sleeping soundly on a bed, the white blanket thrown over their tangled legs, breaths even and in sync. Dyed grey hair peeked out from under a chin, and blond hair tickled a collarbone. Natural hair was sprawled out on the white stuffed pillows.

   Osamu opened an eye, before raising his head and pressing a soft kiss to the sleeping beauty's lips.

   And if he raised a finger to his lips? Well, I can't say what happened next, because my lips are sealed.

oh my GOD did this take forever between writing this and school and the fanart of this (which i’ll post later) i took way longer than i normally would

that being said, i hope you still like it <3

[chirpycreations]

#Memento Mori

So, I guess this is my story. I wanted to write this during the stream but my dyslexia forbays me from being able to write and listen to two completely unrealed things at the same time, and I couldn't bring myself to pull away, so here it is, nice and late ^^;

- - - - - -

Well, I was late to the party like most things in my life. I found the channel at 16 days to go thanks to MatPatt's theory.  I haven't watched all 369 videos. My last count put me at 100 and something, maybe 150 ish. I did concider pulling an allnighter the night before to watch all of the remaining ones but I chose against it in the end. I'm happy with the memories I have and not seeing all the videos, because those videos I did watch I'll treasure forever; bing watching them while despritly trying to finish my Level 3 Design board for school. 

Working away on Clipstudio paint, and in the corner of my eye laughing, crying, rolling my eyes at the chaios that was unfolding while my wrist screamed at me, my head hurt....I was so sure I was going to burn out again like the two years prior and not manged to finish, but you're videos gave me the strength to do the impossible.  If you guys could make over 365 videos in a year, I could finish x2 A1 pannels worth of art and...I did. To a good standard too. I won my schools Top Visual Artist award yesterday at prize giving and top of my Design class.

At first I saw the channel as nothing more than a bit of shit posting, so I wasn't too bothered. A bit of random nonses (It took me soooo long to convince my self to watch cooking with Sex toys, but it was one of the greatest laughs of my month if not longer). The last few months have been hard on me, my family have been waiting 4 and half years to get NZ residency and missing all the Uni application dates and schollarships has had me quite down the last few months listening to everyone around talking about there future plans while I can't progress with mine, because my GOD have you seen international fees???Anyway, your shit posts really helped bring a smile to my face while I was struggling, especailly the halloween stuff: I loved the edward sissors hands, it was the first one I watched and I still love it- so plan and utterly dumb. I'm doing better now. It's still hard, but I really think your videos have have helped me so much. 

 I think the video which hit hardest for me and acutally helped me to really understand what the channel was about was the hypnotist one with the lemon.  What the lady said to both of you really, really hit home hard for me- I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry my eyes out. 

Ethan, your story hit home for me because I also went through that as a kid. I was bullied so badly as a kid. Told I was nothing, would be nothing- I have dsylexia too, and I stunk in school for the longest time; bottom of every class, made to take lessons to learn how to put a wooden alphabet together forward and backwards in YEAR 6 (I was 12 and could do so just fine, but the teachers obviously didn't think so). I've been reserved, shy, had the most crippling self of steem issuse for all my life and only in the last few years since moving to NZ I've started to recover and regain some of that confidence I lost; had broken.  

"If there was a little girl inside who hurt, who had a discomfort, imagine sitting next to that younger version of you that was in pain or hurt and let her know that she's safe. That little girl looks up to you, trusting you to keep her safe: You're safe." -Unus Annus, 294:11:34:20

It really hit me so hard because I needed someone to tell me this as a kid, hold me close, tell me everything would be ok when I thought my world was crashing down and listing to these words I saw my current self giving back what she needed. And now when I'm scard, doubting myself I see her, I see both of them, current me and past me holding hands and me giving her the support she needs. I have a illustration I made on my desk with the quote, as a reminder when times get tought and that little girl forgetts she's not alone anymore.

Mark, your story also hit home with me too.  Like I mentioned, I have dyslexia and for me english -mostly writting- has always been a major problem which had held me back, like a brick chained to my leg and I have to hike up this moutain with it. I still remember disnictly this one time in science I lost out on a high mark because I couldn't spell auoghaous (oesophagus- still can't XD) and my teacher wouldn't believe that was what I had tried to write. I was so bitter about that for the longest time, I still am, 6 years on and still remeber it like yesterday. Anyway, the reason your story hit home is because it reminded me of my old english teacher and what she did to me. Made me into the person I am now. I was in Year 8 (14 years old) and at a parents meeting infront of my dad she said, "you're daughter will never ger higher than a 5- in english. This crushed me so much, because a -5 is avarage for a Year 6 and at this level I should have been getting 5+/6 (like everyone else in my class) - fucking dyslexia. It's like a brick wall of titainium when you're a kid.  

I don't know what happened but something in me snapped and I was determained to prove her wrong. I had that teacher for 2 years before I left to NZ (from the UK) and never ONCE did she give me a mark higher than 5- (mostly because the Brittish system require good spelling to reacher 5, something which again, my dyslexia was against and at the time computers weren't a thing in my school as a resorse for dyslexic kids like myself). It sucked, but I kept trying to prove her wrong. I studied, practiced, revised hard and then in my last exam, an external she didn't mark I got a 7+ for reading and 7- for writting with an 8+ being the highest. I proved her wrong.  I proved a lot of people wrong. I kept working hard and now I'm near the top of every class I take. You're story reminded me of myself and why I keep pushing myself. Why I continue to drive to achieve the best I can. Be the best person I can. 

I know this is long, so before I wrap up I wanted to say thank you. You're channel has not only helped some of my old traumas heal, but I also have a much greater appreciation for life which I guess is crazy concidering I was only apart of it for 16 days, but...it really has made an impact to me. I don't think I ever relised how valuble life is. How important every second is. Death and moving on has always scared me. Moving to NZ and leaving everything I knew and had behind has been one of my biggest trumas for the last 4 years, learning to let go and move on- I use to hate change- ,but now I think I can accept it and move on. I've just finished my last year of high school, I have to make this drastic change in mylife again, moving on, going to uni one day, but I'm ready for it. "Death gives life meaning"; the end, moving on, give the past meaning and means being able to except and be ready to imbrase the future that's coming. Whether in the next few seconds, minutes, hours, weeks, months years... I really do feel better prepared for it. 

I hate the end, I've been writting a story now for 3 years and I've been scared of how to end it, I've been avoiding it because I love the characters. I don't want them to go, to end, but now. I think I'm willing to acept the fact that maybe it's time I let them go. Write them the end they deserve and move on. Nothing last forever, all great story are great because like the channel it's the ending which gives them meaning. 

So...thank you guys, Mark, Ethan, everyone behind the camera. You're work has really made a possitive impact in my life, escpecally the hynpotist video, so thank you. I'm going to start treasuring every second, making every millifractal of a second count. I've been torn for the longest time between a stable career in science, or a dream career in art. And I'm gonna go for it. I'll take the risk, the gamble, shoot for the stars and if I miss I miss. Atleast I can say I tried to do what made me happy and when I do succed it'll be even more rewarding to know I did the impossible. So thank you, I'll treasure every memory and the page of quote I have from todays live stream. 

 “Every second is a chance to turn your life around." 

"When you get those ideas in your head say YES! You never know how you're going to suprise yourself."

"Death gives life meaning."

"Don't cry because its over, cry because it happened."

"Don't take any second for granted, don't waist any moment."

"It's easy to live life in wants and desires, but it's making every second count that matters. Do what makes you happy, use every second wisely, you'll never get that time back."

And my own personal quote, because I want to give back the wisdom you've shared with my own: 

"Memento Mori - Remeber death. Embrace it, don't fear it. Live life to it's fullest and take every opportunity that comes your way, because death is a promise, not a bargain. Life the life you want, so you can move on without regret. "

"Life tough and scary, 2020 for sure, but regardless I smile. Laugh in fears face, it happens. Laugh at the problems in life, they happen. Laugh at how close life comes to and continues to fail at killing you. Fill every moment with joy and positivity; we all need more of it in life."

"Bad days are like cloudy skies, they come and go. The weather can get stormy, but the sky will always clear eventually, the sun will shine again."

[coffeebased]

Hey! Wikathon na! I’ve started reading Relocations by Karen Tongson, about a third through now, but I had to take a little detour through Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir like I said I would. I’ve finished reading HtN but I’m not quite done experiencing it, so I’ll probably pick Relocations back up tomorrow.

But here’s what I read in July! What’s a segue?

1. Haikyu!! Volume 44 and 45 by Haruichi Furudate

A chance event triggered Shouyou Hinata’s love for volleyball. His club had no members, but somehow persevered and finally made it into its very first and final regular match of middle school, where it was steamrolled by Tobio Kageyama, a superstar player known as “King of the Court.”

Vowing revenge, Hinata applied to the Karasuno High School volleyball club… only to come face-to-face with his hated rival, Kageyama!

And with those two volumes, Haikyū has ended. I’m really glad that my cousin got me to catch up to the series because being a part of the sheer joy and love that’s poured out the fandom these past few months has been refreshing to my spirit. I enjoyed the way Furudate brought the series to its conclusion, by giving all the characters a future and room to grow. I hope to hear more from him in the upcoming years.

  2. Looking for Group by Alexis Hall

I read Looking for Group because I was reading up on Alexis Hall in anticipation of Boyfriend Material, which I will talk about later, and saw the synopsis:

So, yeah, I play Heroes of Legend, y’know, the MMO. I’m not like obsessed or addicted or anything. It’s just a game. Anyway, there was this girl in my guild who I really liked because she was funny and nerdy and a great healer. Of course, my mates thought it was hilarious I was into someone I’d met online. And they thought it was even more hilarious when she turned out to be a boy IRL. But the joke’s on them because I still really like him.

And now that we’re together, it’s going pretty well. Except sometimes I think Kit—that’s his name, sorry I didn’t mention that—spends way too much time in HoL. I know he has friends in the guild, but he has me now, and my friends, and everyone knows people you meet online aren’t real. I mean. Not Kit. Kit’s real. Obviously.

Oh, I’m Drew, by the way. This is sort of my story. About how I messed up some stuff and figured out some stuff. And fell in love and stuff.

And I knew that I had to read it. Immediately.

I enjoyed it way too much. The characters were adorable, the conflict was done well, the geeky gamer wrapper was AMAZING and the author never dropped the ball on integrating the online game into the narrative. It was very readable and I enjoyed the atmosphere of the book immensely. I also may have spent a heady week or so thinking of playing WoW, but I avoided that temptation. Made me miss uni too, and the way my friends and I would spend countless hours with each other.

  3. Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall

Wanted: One (fake) boyfriend Practically perfect in every way

Luc O’Donnell is tangentially–and reluctantly–famous. His rock star parents split when he was young, and the father he’s never met spent the next twenty years cruising in and out of rehab. Now that his dad’s making a comeback, Luc’s back in the public eye, and one compromising photo is enough to ruin everything.

To clean up his image, Luc has to find a nice, normal relationship…and Oliver Blackwood is as nice and normal as they come. He’s a barrister, an ethical vegetarian, and he’s never inspired a moment of scandal in his life. In other words: perfect boyfriend material. Unfortunately apart from being gay, single, and really, really in need of a date for a big event, Luc and Oliver have nothing in common. So they strike a deal to be publicity-friendly (fake) boyfriends until the dust has settled. Then they can go their separate ways and pretend it never happened.

But the thing about fake-dating is that it can feel a lot like real-dating. And that’s when you get used to someone. Start falling for them. Don’t ever want to let them go.

I came into this book with high expectations after Looking for Group, and my expectations were mostly met. The few issues I had were ultimately negligible, probably cultural differences or conventions of a genre that I’m not familiar with. The characters were strong, and I found the book funny. I know it sounds as though I’m damning it with faint praise, so I’ll say it plainly: it was an enjoyable read and I was totally invested in the romance. I think it’ll make a really good film as well.

4. The Subtweet by Vivek Shraya

Everyone talks about falling in love, but falling in friendship can be just as captivating. When Neela Devaki’s song is covered by internet-famous artist Rukmini, the two musicians meet and a transformative friendship begins. But as Rukmini’s star rises and Neela’s stagnates, jealousy and self-doubt creep in. With a single tweet, their friendship implodes, one career is destroyed, and the two women find themselves at the center of an internet firestorm.

Celebrated multidisciplinary artist Vivek Shraya’s second novel is a stirring examination of making art in the modern era, a love letter to brown women, an authentic glimpse into the music industry, and a nuanced exploration of the promise and peril of being seen.

If you’re a millennial and if you’ve ever had complicated friendships, this book will ring really true for most of it, I think. I kept wincing at the characters’ actions and “mistakes”, recognising them as things I or my friends have done, but there are portions of the story that I found inaccessible because Neela, the main character, just seems really opaque even when they’re the ones speaking. The music Shraya made as a companion to the book slaps and can be found here.

  5. Empowered 11 by Adam Warren

Costumed crimefighter Empowered finds herself the desperate prey of a maniacal supervillain whose godlike powers have turned an entire city of suprahumans against her.

Not good! Outnumbered and under siege, aided only by a hero’s ghost, can Emp survive the relentless onslaught long enough to free her enslaved teammates and loved ones, or is this–*gulp*–The End?

From comics overlord Adam Warren comes Empowered, the acclaimed sexy superhero comedy–except when it isn’t, as in this volume’s no-nonsense, wall-to-wall brawl guaranteed to bring tears to the eye and fists to the face!

Warren’s tying up a lot of loose ends and answering a lot of questions and I’m wondering if that means Empowered‘s ending soon. I haven’t seen any info regarding this, even though the words “The End” are right there in the summary, because comic books always lean on the whole the hero could die! thing, and more often than not they never do. But Emp has come so far in the past 11 volumes, and I think that she’s ready to confront a lot of the stuff that Warren’s only hinted at in the past. Most of Empowered is about how Emp deals with failure and how she rises above it, and recently it’s become about how other people have failed her, rather than how she has failed, and how she deserves better. I’m worried about her, but at least we are another volume’s worth of evidence for the Emp/Thugboy/Ninjette OT3.

  6. Sex and Vanity by Kevin Kwan

The iconic author of the bestselling phenomenon Crazy Rich Asians returns with a glittering tale of love and longing as a young woman finds herself torn between two worlds–the WASP establishment of her father’s family and George Zao, a man she is desperately trying to avoid falling in love with.

On her very first morning on the jewel-like island of Capri, Lucie Churchill sets eyes on George Zao and she instantly can’t stand him. She can’t stand it when he gallantly offers to trade hotel rooms with her so that she can have the view of the Tyrrhenian Sea, she can’t stand that he knows more about Curzio Malaparte than she does, and she really can’t stand it when he kisses her in the darkness of the ancient ruins of a Roman villa and they are caught by her snobbish, disapproving cousin, Charlotte. “Your mother is Chinese so it’s no surprise you’d be attracted to someone like him,” Charlotte teases. Daughter of an American-born-Chinese mother and blue-blooded New York father, Lucie has always sublimated the Asian side of herself in favor of the white side, and she adamantly denies having feelings for George. But several years later, when George unexpectedly appears in East Hampton where Lucie is weekending with her new fiancé, Lucie finds herself drawn to George again. Soon, Lucy is spinning a web of deceit that involves her family, her fiancé, the co-op board of her Fifth Avenue apartment, and ultimately herself as she tries mightily to deny George entry into her world–and her heart. Moving between summer playgrounds of privilege, peppered with decadent food and extravagant fashion, Sex and Vanity is a truly modern love story, a daring homage to A Room with a View, and a brilliantly funny comedy of manners set between two cultures.

This was the third romance novel I read in July, and that’s honestly the highest concentration of romance novel I’ve ever had in my life. I know that I’m supposed to find romance novels like super kilig and stuff, but so far I am just very anxious for romance novel protagonists all the time. I think that the whole thing about the romance novels I have read is that they’re mostly about how deeply anxious people learn how to allow themselves to be loved and that is tough! I wanted to protect Lucie all the time! I was Invested in her Welfare, and I don’t think I cared about Rachel Chu from Crazy Rich Asians half as much, even if you condensed all my attachment from the entire trilogy. Also, small spoiler, there is a hint that Sex and Vanity is in the same universe as Crazy Rich Asians, which I think is awesome.

  6. Trust Exercise by Susan Choi

Pulitzer Finalist Susan Choi’s narrative-upending novel about what happens when a first love between high school students is interrupted by the attentions of a charismatic teacher

In an American suburb in the early 1980s, students at a highly competitive performing arts high school struggle and thrive in a rarified bubble, ambitiously pursuing music, movement, Shakespeare, and, particularly, their acting classes. When within this striving “Brotherhood of the Arts,” two freshmen, David and Sarah, fall headlong into love, their passion does not go unnoticed—or untoyed with—by anyone, especially not by their charismatic acting teacher, Mr. Kingsley.

The outside world of family life and economic status, of academic pressure and of their future adult lives, fails to penetrate this school’s walls—until it does, in a shocking spiral of events that catapults the action forward in time and flips the premise upside-down. What the reader believes to have happened to David and Sarah and their friends is not entirely true—though it’s not false, either. It takes until the book’s stunning coda for the final piece of the puzzle to fall into place—revealing truths that will resonate long after the final sentence.

As captivating and tender as it is surprising, Trust Exercise will incite heated conversations about fiction and truth, friendships and loyalties, and will leave readers with wiser understandings of the true capacities of adolescents and of the powers and responsibilities of adults.

This is a book I could not stop reading and I felt gross after I finished it. I think that I enjoyed it and that the narrative flips were well-done and it was engaging, but Choi writes teenage trauma in 3D, and you can smell her scumbag characters. Very good will never read again unless looking to feel bad.

  Re-read:

Temeraire: His Majesty’s Dragon, Throne of Jade, Black Powder War, andEmpire of Ivory by Naomi Novik

Aerial combat brings a thrilling new dimension to the Napoleonic Wars as valiant warriors ride mighty fighting dragons, bred for size or speed. When HMS Reliant captures a French frigate and seizes the precious cargo, an unhatched dragon egg, fate sweeps Captain Will Laurence from his seafaring life into an uncertain future – and an unexpected kinship with a most extraordinary creature. Thrust into the rarified world of the Aerial Corps as master of the dragon Temeraire, he will face a crash course in the daring tactics of airborne battle. For as France’s own dragon-borne forces rally to breach British soil in Bonaparte’s boldest gambit, Laurence and Temeraire must soar into their own baptism of fire.

I started re-reading it because I wanted to introduce it to my girlfriend, and I outpaced her very quickly, and selfishly. She’s still at the beginning fourth of Throne of Jade, and I feel like I blinked and gulped down four of the books in quick succession. I had to stop myself after Empire, in a very belated effort to sync up to my gf’s progress. The series is amazing, and I don’t know if I’ll ever read one like Temeraire again. Being able to revisit it should be enough, really, because every time I do it’s as though I’m caught up in a strong and wonderful wind that fills me up with delight and awe. Novik’s starting a new series this September, and I hope it’s just as good.

    That’s it for July! I’m probably going to do two books at a time for my Wikathon posts, just to keep things fresh and current, so keep a weather eye out for those posts!

  July, next verse, same as the first Hey! Wikathon na! I've started reading Relocations by Karen Tongson, about a third through now, but I had to take a little detour through…

[prorevenge]

After months of putting up with my roommate from hell, I got the revenge of lifetime and screwed her over out of a fuckton of money and got her to pay rent and life has never been sweeter! (This is a long one)

This is a long one but very much worth the ride, so buckle up. (also, English isn't my native lang, sorry if there are any mistakes)

This story takes place a couple of years back. During college, I lived with several roommates, all of them were nice and we got along well, except for this one bitch, let's call her Karen. if Satan and Hitler had a child and that child had a child with Stalin and Cruella de Vil, that would be Karen for you, she is a loud-mouthed stupid, egocentric bitch who has the face that scare the shit out of a toilet. She would never clean up after herself, she would always leave her plates and things at the spot where she last used them. I have lost counts of how many times, I caught her stealing my clothes without asking and if you so much as touch her clothes she loses her shit on you, or her drinking our lactose-intolerant roommates almond milk and any time we confronted her for drinking it, she would shrug and say "I only had a sip, stop being so stingy." She plays her music loud at night, invites stranger without giving any heads up, a time or two she didnt pay rent even though her parents are FILTHY RICH and she is wearing gucci and prada shit, Karen also fucking lies about everything, even things that are not worth lying about. like if she woke up 7, and you ask her, she'll lie through her fucking teeth and say she rose with the sun rise because she is a natural. (ps, this is something i actually heard her say to her parents while she was skypeing them....so cringy, who the fuck says that? but i digress)

Months we have fucking put up with her, of course we tried to get other roommates but unfortunately when we all moved in everything, all documents and contracts were done in her name so kicking her out would require a lot of effort and most of us were busy with school and work and life happens. So we ignore it as much as we can and try to move on.

We are now all seniors and in our final semesters, meaning graduation was coming, AND Karen is planning a backpack trip across Europe with her friends as a graduation gift to herself, this is important so remember this.

One of our roommates and my closest friend, Sasha, has had a crush on a guy that lives down the hall. Any time the two of them are together, Sasha and the Guy keep giving each other googly eyes and blushing faces; it was sooo cute. Sasha is a verbal autistic person and has never dated anyone because she has a hard time with socializing and understanding social ques and subtlety, which lets face it, that is the core of dating, especially flirting but with a lot of encouragement from me and the final roommate, Lola we got her to ask him out. He said yes. She was so happy, you guys, she flew back into the apartment and did an hour of happy dance with her arms flailing about and a shit eatin grin on her face; needless to say we were all so happy. Karen caught wind of this and it just so happens at that time she was having relationship problems, I guess her bf finally realized he's dating human garbage. Not one to be outshined, Karen behind all of our backs went to the guy's place and spun lies about Sasha, saying she is a serial cheater and even made a fake account for Sasha's so called bf. the guy never called Sasha, and eventually weeks passed by he told us why but by then Sasha felt like the damage was done and lost interest in him.

I. WAS. FUCKING. FURIOUS.

This, this level of dickery and bloody pettiness is the straw that finally broke the camel's back and I vowed I wouldn't fucking leave until I served my slice of justice. Here's another character that you must know about, Prof C. His wife two years ago was in a horrible car accident and as a result is in a wheelchair, this is especially problematic because she was a stay home mom that took care of their two special needs kids and they have a toddler at home. Home life is a mess for him, he is running ragged between working and single-handedly is taking care of his family, the uni took pity and also feared the workload would see one of their best and most beloved teachers leave the school struck a deal with him to help him out. In all of his classes there will be quizzes and midterms, this doesnt change, but assignments you submit and he corrects at the end of the year, this is important cuz our uni has zero tolerance on proffs that dont constantly update the students course works so that students have the chance to improve their grades.

Karen, the lazy and stupid bitch she is, is somehow skating through his assignments, even though they require a shit tone of research and writing. I accidentally learned that one of her older friends told her that she only needs submit the paper on its due date and to only write the first 3 pages and use a paraphrase tool for the rest of the paper so the plagiarism software wont detect it and would think its original material and when the end of the year comes, submit a hard copy but with the first pages being her actual work and the rest being completely plagiarized, professional work. Prof C won't know cuz the likelihood a man as busy as him thoroughly checking the work of 120+ students is pretty low. I grinned. A plan was beginning to formulate in my head. Oh, sweet mother of Jesus, she is going down! All semester long I let her do this for all of the 7 papers, one of them which is a term paper that has 20% on it alone, all the while I spied and gathered all of her pass codes, social media, her student ID, everything.

The end of the year came and I compiled all of her assignments, both the original one with the paraphrasing tools she used to circumvent plagiarism and the one she finally handed them in, and I even made photos were there are side-to-side comparison of the assignments. This is a good start but not enough. So, One day chillin at the living room I open a conversation about relationships, Karen is two timing her new boyfriend and is sleeping with some other Person. so, I ask her questions like "don't you feel guilty for cheating?" and "You do realize this is wrong?" and I even paraphrase my words in a way that is vague but also clear, for example I would say "It's not fair, so many people work so hard everyday to be successful and you are here cheating and lying your way to success." Karen, narcissistic as fuck, would respond with snippets of I dont care and how she isnt cheating, she is only having fun and that everyone does it so why not her too. This is too good to be true, even her answers are vague, its like god put his hand on my shoulder, looked me right in the eyes and said, "burry this bitch". and Id be damned if I didnt. As you probably have guessed it by now, I was recording EVERYTHING. The recording plus the photos, and her assignments were more than enough evidence, I sent an anonymous email to the Professor, and i tell the girls so that they can prep for the shit storm thats coming. Three weeks later, results are out. she failed and LOST HER SHIT. She was screamin, crying, wailing, what a sight to see! you best believe, the girls and I were laughing. She tried to talk to the prof, but he was not having it. she cried and begged for a second chance but he said a hard no. So now she has two options: she goes ahead and doesn't graduate with us, and takes on a whole 'nother semester for one measly course or take summer course and cancel her trip to Europe, which mind you she spent a fuckton on, something like 13, 000$ and I know it could have been much cheaper but Princess Karen only wanted the best so yh. The next couple of weeks she spent sleepless nights because she was calling and cancelling all the reservations she made, tryin to get her money back BUT (again, GOD really was out for blood that day) because the cancellation was so close to some her trip most places refused to refund, or some charged her cancellation fees. She only managed to scrap 5.5 K back together, lossin 7.5 K. OUCH!

Its not over, having damning evidence I, with earned gusto, told her she was going to pay all of the bills till we move out, which was in two months, payback for all the times she was late on payment or defaulted and she would from now do her part of the house chores or else Im gonna send it all to the admin and faculty dean and she will fo sho be kicked out and all those uni years will have been for nothing. She hated it, she fucking threw tantrums and cussed me out but my god if she didnt do whats told. she cleaned her stuff, apologized to Sasha for what she did, I forced her to come clean to her BF (dont know the guy but the few times i met him he was super sweet to us and i felt bad for the guy), I watched her actually do the dishes for the first time in like years. IT was fucking amazing and I don't regret it one bit. In fact, anytime I feel sad now as an adult, i kick back my feet and reminiscine and a slow shit eatin grin draws itself upon my face.

tl;dr roommate was super mean, i found out she was cheating on her assignments and so i snitched on her and as a result she had to stay the summer and retake the class again or else she wouldn't graduate.

(source) story by (/u/let-the-write-one-in)

[rogerina-yee-haw]

“at least I’m one”

chapter 3: “- the broken rules and true affection”

sd!gwilym lee x reader

[the goodbye] [the sadness & tenderness]

summary: you and gwil met ten months ago; and he offered you to be his sugar baby almost immediately. you agreed at that exact moment, not knowing where it would get you.

warnings: badly written smut (again) sorry y’all; angst, fluff, cursing, cringy behavior, author’s spelling and grammar errors, typos

a/n: hey y’all ily!!! thanks for waiting!! i love you all!! I’m sorry it took me so long!! I’m dying at uni!! 

also, I wanted to thank you for 350+ followers like??? how did it happen?? I don’t deserve all of your pretty souls?? but seriously, you all are amazing and wonderful, and I hope you have a beautiful day <3

I :) hope :) this :) chapter :) isn’t :) a :) complete :) piece :) of :) garbage :) (it is imao sorry)

P.S.

there are three chapters left. 

As you follow your parents through the long and silent corridors of the hospital, you can surely say that you feel much better.

Becca gave birth to a beautiful baby boy; and you have never seen her happier. She and Jackson looked so felicitous with their newborn in Becca’s arms, that you couldn’t but shed a tear. For the first time during this day it wasn’t a sad cry; you were really happy.

Your sister needed rest after the tough night of labor; so you and your parents decided it would be better for you to leave. And now you are going home, back to your apartment, April and sorrows.

“Sweetheart, are you okay?” your mum lightly touches your hand; you give her a fake smile in response. You can’t tell her the truth; and was there ever even a slight bit of truth about you and Gwil? Everything your parents know about this relationship is built on lies. You can’t tell her that you fell in love with your sugar daddy but he proposed to another sugar baby, and that’s why you’re heartbroken. You simply can’t.

“Just tired”, you smile weakly. “Can’t even imagine how Becca’s still able to talk and, y’know; behave as a normal human being after having such an experience”. Your mum lets out a laugh.

“Becca is strong. And she likes being the center of attention, so her desire to talk is quite understandable”.

“Put it this way, love”, your father joins the conversation, “Becca just wants everyone to praise her. That’s her character”.

“She deserves that praise”, you say.

Your father smiles. “Of course she does. She’s a hero”.

When your parents offer to give you a ride, you refuse, saying Janet is supposed to pick you up; you lie, once again. You’re not ashamed of yourself – you wouldn’t survive if you never lied. That’s just another deception. Just another delusion for your parents and you to believe in.

No one’s here to pick you up. Janet is probably having fun at that party, Billy’s sleeping, and Gwil… You sigh deeply. You just can’t continue doing it to yourself anymore. One more thought about Gwilym, one more memory – and you’re sure you’ll jump off of some building. You won’t make it through the night if you continue thinking about him.

He’s gone. He’s engaged to Alice. He’s not yours. He has never been yours. That’s all that you have to know for moving on.  But you simply don’t know how; Gwil has been a part of your life for ten months, you can’t just move on. That’s not possible.

When you get into the cab, you’re on the verge of crying again; all the bliss, given by Becca’s baby boy, is gone. You look through the car window – the streets of London are full of people on this Friday night. All of them are having fun, laughing and just enjoying themselves; and even if they have some troubles in their life, they simply forget about them while drinking tons of alcohol. If you do the same thing, you’d end up on Gwilym’s doorstep. You know that for sure.

Almost twenty minutes later you come back home; it’s silent there, as usual. You don’t even turn the lights on – you don’t want to see what kind of mess your flat is now. “Probably as messy as I am”, you think when you sit down on the couch.

On the floor, right in front of you, there is a bag. The bag. You take a deep breath before reaching your hand to it; you have to look through the stuff you took from Gwil’s apartment. You had to do that to cope with your feelings, to try to move on. You can’t let yourself drown in your sorrows, not being able to throw away everything related to him. You need to get rid of the memories. You have to do that just in case. Just to realize if the pain is still that strong.

The red flannel shirt is the first thing that you put out of the bag.

And you can’t even comprehend how much pain it causes you. It makes your chest ache, and you feel like your heart is going to explode.

And there you have enough of your weak attempts in moving on.

You burst into tears, squeezing the shirt in your hands; it still smells like him. Because it’s his, it’s his shirt. The one he says he hates so much, that he didn’t even protest when you borrowed it. The memories of this day are still fresh, and you let yourself drown in them, you give in. You can’t fight, you’re not that powerful. You can’t move on, you’re not that strong to do this. You want to drown in your sorrows, because it’s the only way to be with him now.

Still crying, you put the shirt over your shoulders. “Looks good on you”, Gwil used to say when you wore it. “It was a lie”, you whisper while curling up on the couch; you keep sobbing and wrapping the shirt around yourself. “Another lie to play with me”, you say under your breath, tears still streaming down your cheeks when you doze off. Your sleep isn’t peaceful; you dream about Gwilym, again and again.

                                            ╰╮✾╭╯✯╰╮✾╭╯

                                                     September.

“So you agree?”

You looked into the contract one more time; you furrowed your brows just to seem focused. To be honest, you’ve lost the ability to concentrate the moment you saw Gwil inside of the restaurant. He looked like the fucking Adonis in his dark-grey three-piece suit, and you couldn’t get the image of him roughly lifting you up from your seat and fucking you right on this table till you see the stars. You kept reminding yourself that it wasn’t right, that you just met him seven hours ago. You had no idea who he was until he approached you in that posh shop.

At one point you started doubting whether you needed that or not; but then you realized one simple thing. This beautiful, heavenly looking man was offering you the life you could never afford. Alright, maybe if you worked yourself to death – maybe then you could afford buying expensive clothes and jewelry. Also being alone for a year and a half had its own influence – and by that you certainly meant a badly hidden desire to have sex with Gwilym right there and then.

You sighed deeply, as you looked through the rules. They weren’t bad; as they weren’t, by no means, crossing any lines in any way. They were normal. They were adequate. You couldn’t ask for more. That was your chance to get free cash and hook up with a pretty dude. You couldn’t miss such an opportunity.

“I do”.

                                           ╰╮✾╭╯✯╰╮✾╭╯

rule №7. no contact with each other’s families and friends.

                                                        March.

“Someone get this goddamn door!”

Your mother’s scream was able to bring dead back to life; but now it only made you realize that you might lose your hearing, if she shouted like that one more time.

“Haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?” Billy seemed to notice the way you winced when you heard your mother’s loud voice; and that’s why he decided to proclaim the song’s lyrics right into your ear. It made you growl, and you turned around to hit him on the shoulder.

“Idiot!” you said. “Go get the door”.

“I’m too busy to do that”.

You raised your eyebrows at him in disbelief; Billy was just messing around while his mother and you were helping your mum with preparing food and guests. Your dad and Becca with Jackson were of great help, too; everyone was doing something except for this dumbass. He grinned widely, seeing your frustration. “Besides, t’s not my house. I’m not allowed to open doors and, y’know, behave wildly”.

“Swift, for fuck’s sake, you’ve spent more time in this house than anywhere else”, you sighed. “And you certainly opened the doors for, like, million times”.

“But-“

“Billy!” his mother stormed into the kitchen “Stop wandering around and go get the door!” she took the bowl with fruits into her hands. “Or I’ll make you chat with Zelda!” she added before heading to the dining room. Billy’s eyes widened and he seemed to start trembling the second he heard your aunt’s name; so he left the kitchen immediately. You chuckled; this day was already a piece of work. Every time such a big family gathering happened, you knew that something would eventually be fucked up. Today was no exception, as it was your mother’s fiftieth birthday.

She wanted to have both her sisters, three best friends with their children and, of course, her own family present at such an important event. Three best friends included Mrs. Swift with her dumbass of a son Billy, Mrs. Johnson, and Mrs. Raymonds with her daughter Alexis and son James. 

James had been a pain in your ass today since the moment he entered the house. You expected to successfully avoid talking to him, but it seemed as if he wanted to speak to you more than anything. You couldn’t really understand why. You hadn’t communicated properly for four years, right since your breakup, and you didn’t really want to; firstly, because before you were too invested in your relationship and split with Luke, and now because of Gwilym.

You closed your eyes and let out a sigh. How you wished to have Gwil here now; you knew that with him everything would be so much better. And, moreover, if Gwil was here, James wouldn’t be bothering you. You couldn’t tell him to fuck off; you were too nice for that. Besides, you didn’t want to ruin the “normal” relationship that you two had – if it was possible to call it like that. 

He was not only your childhood friend, but your ex, your first kiss, your first sex and your first heartbreak. Every “first” that happened to you was connected to James; and no matter how much thankful you were to him for giving you a necessary experience, you couldn’t but regret your decision to date your mum’s best friend’s son at the age of fourteen. If you never saw him again, everything would be so much easier. All just because he was awfully clingy and tedious; it seemed as if he had never grown up and was still stuck in high school. And he was an idiot in high school.

“You need help?” As your back was facing the kitchen’s entrance, you couldn’t miss the opportunity to roll your eyes when you heard James’s voice. It took you everything not to tell him to fuck off, as you put a fake smile on your face and turned around to see him standing near the fridge. A couple of steps more – and he would be right in front of you. Disgusting.”No; but thank you for the offer, James”.

“Oh, Y/N”, he smiled and moved a bit forward; your fists tightened and you clenched your jaw, still smiling. “You’re always welcome”.

Please, dear God. Save me from this monstrosity.

Billy was humming the song about the poor groom and his whore-bride as he approached the door; he was happy enough to avoid talking to aunt Zelda for a while. She was the most annoying person he had ever met, and she also hated him to death; so opening the door was quite a good opportunity.

A tall dude in a suit with bouquet of flowers on Y/L/N’s house’s doorstep surprised Billy; as he was 5’6” himself, everyone taller than that seemed like a giant to him. And this really handsome pal was certainly intimidating. “You alright, mate?” Billy examined him from heat to foot; the suit was totally expensive and the man himself looked like a fucking duke.

“Is Y/N here?” his voice was deep and a bit husky; Billy furrowed his brows – he had no idea you were aquianted with someone from the Royal Family.

“Y/N!” he screamed. “That’s for you!”

When James was almost standing near you, Billy’s voice saved your day. “Thank God!” you shouted in response and flew out of the kitchen; no matter who was there, you were happy enough it happened. You saw Billy standing in front of the open door; leaning to the doorway, that was leading from the hall to the living room, you let out a sigh of relief. You didn’t even see who was at the door; and at the moment you didn’t care, as you stood there, panting, with your eyes closed.

“Fucking James”, you breathed. “I hate this fucking wanker so much, you don’t even know, Billy”.

“Oh no, I do, trust me, Y/L/N. ‘Cause I hate him more”.

“If I hear his fucking voice one more time, I swear-“

“Who’s James?”

You couldn’t believe it; did the voice that you heard belong to Gwilym? Your eyes went round; and when you finally saw him, standing on your parents’ house’s doorstep, your eyes lit up and your mouth curved into a smile. He was there.

“Gwil”, you mouthed. He beamed, and his whole face lit up when he saw you. Or maybe it just seemed to you that it did.

“Y/N”, he said, “hey”.

“I’m Billy!” he chimed in, resting his chin on your shoulder; your smile faded as your rolled your eyes at him.

“Swift, go to the kitchen and help our mums”, you said quickly. He huffed.

“And talk to Raymonds? No, thank you.”

As you kept maintaining eye contact with Gwil, you couldn’t but close your eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. “Billy”, you said through gritted teeth, “go and help our mums”.

“Y/L/N-“

“Billy!” you turned around; if it was possible to burn someone down with just one simple gaze, Billy would have been dead already. “Go and do it, while I’m asking you nicely!” you pinched his shoulder so strongly, that he jumped and let out a squeak.

“Alright!” he raised his hands. “I’ll do anything if you stop hitting and pinching me. Bloody woman”, he mumbled, while leaving.

“Sorry about him”, you looked back at Gwil; he was still smiling at you. “He’s just twelve, really”. 

“Is that your best friend you told me about?”

“Yeah”. Only then you noticed he was holding a bouquet of lilies.

“That’s my mum’s favourite flowers”, you said quietly. “How’d you know?”

His gaze was fixed on your face; and you couldn’t but look away because you felt extremely flustered.

“You said it once. I remembered”.

You melted like an ice-cream under the scorching sun. He remembered that? It took your father twenty-seven years of marriage to memorize his wife’s favorite flowers, and here was Gwil – remembering about it for some time. You didn’t even know how to react.

But then you realized one thing. He was not supposed to be here. He was your sugar daddy; and one of the rules was not to have any contact with each other’s families of friends. What exactly was he doing here?

“What are you doing here?” you asked. “You said you gonna have a business trip”.

He smiled. “I deferred it to the next weekend. Couldn’t leave my girl alone with her, as she says that, crazy family”.

My girl. Of course, you heard him say that million times; but something was different now, you could feel it in your bones.

You smiled like an idiot, while he was taking off his coat; he beamed at you back, and there you were – two grinning idiots, who stood in your parents’ house’s hallway. That was so much you wanted to tell him; how thankful you were that he came, but mostly you wanted to kiss him softly and whisper “I love you” in between kisses.

“You’re gonna regret it”, you say instead. “They’re embarrassing”.

He chuckled and took your hand; Gwil pressed a sweet kiss to your knuckles. “I will never regret a minute spent with you. Even if your family is embarrassing”. He pulled you closer, and you were perfectly safe and sound in his arms. The flowers, lying on the little sofa in the hallway, were long forgotten, as well as guests, food and the world. Gwil was warm and lovely, and you closed your eyes, resting your head in the crook of his neck. You would stay like this forever. You didn’t need anything, anyone else, but him, just him, only him. You had no idea why he was there, when he could be somewhere else, with another sugar baby, having sex and buying jewelry. But he was there, with you.

“You are stunning”, he whispered in your ear. “Red looks good on you”. You let out a chuckle against his neck. God, that was so silly.

“You bought me this dress, after all”, you answered quietly. Gwil hummed in response and kissed your hair; you pulled away from his neck, catching him staring at you in awe. You lost yourself in his blue eyes, lost yourself forever in his mesmeric gaze. Was this love? For you, yeah. For you, it was everything you ever wanted – it seemed that Gwilym walked into your life in that dark-blue suit at the end of the September right from your dreams. You didn’t even know when exactly you fell in love with him – but you knew it was more than just a simple arrangement now. At least for you.

“It’s not the point, baby”, his fingers traced different shapes on your back and Gwil could certainly feel you shivering under the dress. “You look good in everything”. He pressed a kiss on your forehead, and you both smiled. It was perfect.

“You must be the mysterious guy Y/N always talks about!” You let out a squeak and jumped back from Gwilym in an instant; your sister was leaning onto the doorframe and grinning impishly. You pressed a hand to your chest and cursed under your breath. “I’m Becca, her elder sister”, her and Gwil shook hands and you couldn’t but roll your eyes; Becca was up to something. You didn’t like the thought of it; any idea of your sister always turned out to be a disaster.

You all walked in the dining-room; and the whole place went from a loud chat to complete silence. Aunt Zelda, as you noticed, was examining Gwil thoroughly. You furrowed your brows and rolled your eyes; your aunt was evidently interested in a good-looking man who just walked in with you. You let out an exasperated sigh and rolled your eyes once again, this time thinking that they may just stay inside of your head if you do that one more time. You saw Billy barely holding back his hysterical laugh, when you sat down at the table; you stopped yourself from slapping your forehead and throwing something at Swift. Your attention was drawn to Becca and Jackson as they were having whispered conversation, while looking at you and Gwil. James looked confused, when you gave him a brief look; his opinion was the last one you were interested in. You were so invested in observing everyone’s reaction that you missed the main one – your mum’s.

“….boyfriend?”

You frowned hearing the scraps of the conversation; you turned your head and caught your mum and dad talking to Gwilym. You looked at them, being disoriented, as you heard him saying that. “Yes, I am. I’m Y/N’s boyfriend”.

You tilted your head, still furrowing your brows. Boyfriend?

“I’m Y/N’s boyfriend”, for fuck’s sake, what?

“Holy shit”, you almost mumbled, still staying bewildered; he didn’t just say what he said, did he?

Boyfriend? No. He was not your boyfriend. He was the exact opposite. He bought you expensive shit and fucked you into oblivion. He was your sugar daddy. He was providing you with money and taking you to luxurious resorts to spend the weekend there. He made an arrangement, came up with rules for both of you to follow. He had other women as his sugar babies, whom he fucked too. He was a boss in the huge ass company. He was a literal Disney Prince. He was this, and not your boyfriend.

But he took care of you when you were terribly sick after your romantic getaway in Aspen. He held you tightly when you were crying. He cuddled you until you fell asleep in his arms, both of you beaming. He praised every part of your body. He wrote you cute letters every day, saying how much he adored you. He told you he was proud of you when you got a promotion. He made you a bubble bath with candles lit around and sweet music playing on the background. He did facemasks with you while watching your favorite shows. He told you he didn’t want to let you go. He made you feel valued and protected, for the first time after two failed relationships. He made you feel as if it wasn’t just an arrangement. He made you feel like he loved you.

Your heart skipped a beat at this thought. Loved you? No, that was ridiculous. Gwilym couldn’t love you; he could love Alice, a small pretty thing with her piercing gaze and gracious movements; or his other sugar baby, Zoe, with her husky voice and plump lips. He could love someone much more skinnier than you, someone not that tall, and someone not that awkward. He was way out of your league; and still, somehow, he was there, at your family’s gathering, talking to your relatives and resting his hand on your thigh.  He was there, with you, not anywhere else. He was there. 

You exchanged glances, smiled at each other; throughout the whole evening he never stopped whispering into your ear about how beautifully you looked. He held your hand and kissed it, when there was an opportunity. Gwil was talking to your dad about science and business, like your father had a clue about any of those things; he even chatted with Billy for a moment, which made you smile lightly. It seemed to you that every time he looked at you, his eyes lit up.  And for a moment you knew - he was yours. Only yours.

                                          ╰╮✾╭╯✯╰╮✾╭╯

rule №2. accept every gift that is given.

                                                     February.

It was so good.

The sound of Gwil’s skin clapping against yours, the way he gripped your hips and sucked on the skin in the crook of your neck made you arch your back, your breasts pressing into his chest. He growled, and it sent shivers down your spine. His thrusts were now faster, as he was as close as you.

“You like it like that, right, baby?”

You were clinging onto him as if it was the matter of life and death; and it was, indeed. He was giving you what you needed. Finally. “Yes, daddy”, you mouthed. “I’m so close”, you were breathing hard and saying these words wasn’t very easy as well; but it was what he wanted – you spoke. Gwil thrusted into you harshly, burying himself inside of you so deeply that you could only scream his name in pleasure. It seemed that you both had forgotten about the little game you played. You were more than happy to realize that; even though you were terribly wrong about Gwilym.

He started moving slower in you and then pulled out; your eyes were wide open the second he did that. What the actual fuck?

You rose on your elbows; your brows drew together as you watched this asshole slyly grin. “You said…” you were panting. “You said…you…”

“That I’ll let you cum in the bedroom?” he replied. “That’s true”, he shrugged his shoulders. “But you didn’t catch one little thing, love”, Gwil was hovering over you again. “By that I meant master bedroom. And this”, he pressed a kiss on your lips, “This is certainly not the master bedroom”.

You looked at him with wide eyes and sighed loudly. In a master bedroom? “There are seven bedrooms in this house”, you mumbled, when you head fell back onto the pillows. He was kidding, right? He didn’t let you cum neither in the kitchen nor in the living room, and promised you’d come in the bedroom – but now, turned out that he was just messing with you? You covered your eyes with your hand and sighed deeply. This was going to be a long ride; and with Gwil’s desire to edge you until you were begging and telling him exactly what he wanted – you knew you would be exhausted as fuck.

“This can end very quickly, y’know it, love”, he hovered over you, you could feel it; your eyes were still closed and jaw clenched tightly. You didn’t want to give in. You didn’t start playing this game just to let him win in the end.

It wasn’t exactly a game, though. You were just rejecting his gift, and that’s all. The only thing was that not accepting the present was another violation of rules. And, also, that his gift was a fucking three-storied house. A freaking mansion with a huge garage, a back garden, and, like, fifty rooms. He just said, “It’s a simple gift, love”, and you jaw fell open at his words. Simple fucking gift; the one you never asked for. That was too much. Money, Cartier bracelets, diamond necklaces and designer clothes were great and amazing, but the house? You knew Gwil couldn’t get enough of spoiling, but he crossed the line here, even for a sugar daddy. Even for this type of relationship buying a house was too much.

But he, apparently, didn’t think so. He kept on insisting it didn’t mean anything, that he didn’t even spend that much money on it. Your blood was boiling, and you could feel your ass burning with anger. 

Now your ass was burning too, but because of how much Gwil was spanking you. You were ready to come undone just cause of it, but this asshole didn’t let you. He wouldn’t let you come until you accepted the gift. And even though you really liked the house, you couldn’t just agree on his terms and take it. No. It was too much. Even for such a rich dude like Gwil.

“I just have to accept your gift and shut up, right?” you said through gritted teeth. Gwil furrowed his brows, and took your hand from your face. Your eyes were open as you were looking at him irritably.

“I never told you to shut up”, his tone was serious as he was staring you in the eyes. “And it’s not what I meant. You know that”. He sounded offended; you suddenly felt guilty about your behavior. You were acting like a bitch the second you saw the house, and said some stupid shit, like “I hate this fucking house". He shouldn’t have bought it, but you shouldn’t be a brat about it either. He did  it not 'cause he wanted to buy you, no; he did it because that’s how he showed his affection. And it was part of your arrangement, part of then rules after all; he always sticked to them, unlike you.

“I do”, you cupped his face in your hands, looking at him softly. “I know that you don’t mean anything like that”, you pressed a lingering kiss to his lips. He kissed you back eagerly, putting his hands on your waist and pulling himself lower, closer to you. You both were naked, aroused and hungry for each other. You pulled away trying to catch your breath. “But I still can’t accept this gift, Gwil”.

Gwilym let out a loud groan as he rolled over to another side of the bed. “Why’s that, Y/N?” he tried to sound neutrally but you could feel irritation coming out of his whole body.

“Baby, I told you already”, you sighed tiredly. “The house’s too big, too expensive. I can’t accept it”.

“It’s a gift, love”, he ran his fingers through his hair. “You don’t have to think about its price”.

You rolled over to face him, but he wasn’t looking at you; he lied on his back, breathing heavily with eyes closed. Too annoyed to even speak to you. And even though he wouldn’t speak to you through his mouth, you knew through what he would certainly answer you. If he said “no” to it, you would never insist on keep going. You were both keeping each other comfortable, always.

He was still rock hard and you had to restrain yourself from moaning. He might have been a huge ass with the whole edging thing today, but you wanted him like crazy, always and constantly.

 He let out a groan when you straddled him. You tried your best to keep a straight face, but you were so fucking wet that no facial expression could save you.Gwil felt that; thinking that you were insisting on continuation of the sex, he put his hands on your hips, trying to make you move; but you had other plans for him. You took his hands off of you and put them on his sides. “What will people say when they learn I’m living in such a big house?” you traced circles on his chest with your fingers; he drew in a long breath, gripping the sheets. “No one would believe I’m able to even rent it. I’m not really rich, baby”, you kept maintaining eye-contact; him inside of you and neither of you moving.

“Fuck them”, he whispered. He made you feel like a goddess just by looking at you that lovingly and hungrily. You moaned at the thought, and Gwil took this chance to putting his hands on your hips again. You raised an eyebrow and brushed his hands off. He didn’t let you cum. Now you were going to torture him for a little bit as well.

“No touching, Gwil. You can’t do that unless I say so”.

He licked his lips and grinned, surprised by your sudden dominance. He liked seeing you like this: confident and naked. Gwil’s favorite moods of yours.

“Shit, Y/N”, he grunted. “You feel amazing. So tight and beautiful”.

You gasped; Gwil was well aware of the effect his words had upon you, and he smiled, no, he fucking grinned, looking at you, almost twirling in ecstasy already.

The smug look on his face vanished when you started rocking your hips against him. Moving up and down his cock, you moaned and clung on his chest with your nails. He hissed, gripped the sheets tightly but never touched you. You rode him fast and needy, trying to reach your climax sooner than he noticed. “Feels so good”, you whined. Sweaty, greedy, whimpering, with head tilted back and nails digging in his chest – just the sight of you like this could make Gwil lose control. He wanted to thrust into you harshly, touch you everywhere, run his fingers through your hear and caress your face as you rode you both to orgasm – but he followed your rules. Not only 'cause he liked that, but also because he wanted to show you that obedience wasn’t too bad. Although he would certainly disagree with it right now, when he couldn’t even kiss you. “Touch me”, you breathed, needing his hands on you. God, you needed him in so many ways.

“Finally”.

He squeezed your breasts immediately; you moaning echoed in the room, making him even more turned on than he already was. Your walls clenched against him, and no matter how much he wanted to continue your little game, he wanted to fuck you properly more. He wanted to hear you screaming, wanted to see your face when you cum. God, he wanted all of you just to him.

You felt your orgasm coming in any moment, and you bit your lip to hold back moans, so that Gwil wouldn’t stop. But he didn’t even intend to. Not this time. “Come on, baby”, he whispered, caressing your sides, “come for me”.

Gwilym’s words made you lose it, lose all the power you thought you had. You fell onto him, burying your face in the crook of his neck, as he was fucking you now, hitting that exact spot inside you that drove you crazy. “Gwil”, you panted against his neck; and  your hot breath sending shivers down his spine and making him thrust into you harder. “I’m gonna cum”, you said in an unsteady voice, while gripping his shoulders and digging your nails in there.

“Let go, baby”.

He let out a pure animalistic growl and suddenly flipped you over, so you were underneath him. He attacked your lips with his, giving you the most heated and loving kiss in your life. You wrapped your legs around his waist so that he could have a batter access to hit your g-spot; with your hands on his neck, you didn’t let him to break the kiss, deepening it, trying to fight for dominance. But dominance was his thing in bedroom.

He buried himself so deep inside of you that you two could only moan into each other’s mouths; you both reached your highs together, skin to skin, in unison, screaming one another’s names and grabbing the sheets. You both needed that.

Some minutes later, when you came down from your high Gwil left a delicate kiss on your forehead and got up; throwing the used condom into the trash, he turned around and saw you lying down with your hand covering your face. The blissful smile on your face and steady breathing told him that you were ready to nod off.

“Falling asleep on me, aren’t ya?” he lied down next to you; Gwil took your hand and pressed a kiss to it.

You took a deep breath. “Just give me a couple of minutes”, your reply was weak; Gwilym chuckled and smacked your ass playfully. You giggled and turned your face to him; you struggled to even open your eyes.

“Let’s get some sleep, love”, Gwil said quietly. He adjusted your pillows and put a blanket over the two of you; after he pulled your closer, your back on his chest, and his arms wrapped around you. He kissed you hair and you smiled sleepily.

“I still can’t accept your gift”, you continued your almost long-forgotten argument. Gwilym took in a deep breath and buried his face in your hair.

“I can’t argue with you anymore”, he mumbled, “I’ll accept any decision you make, Y/N”.

“Thank you”, you whispered. “But I love this house”, he chuckled at your words.

“I know. I did everything here like you love it. Just for you”.

You smiled lightly and hummed in response. “Wake me up in ten minutes”, you said leaning in closer to him. “I’ll be ready to continue till we get to the master bedroom”. Gwilym pressed a warm kiss to your shoulder.

“This is the master bedroom now”.

As you nodded off, feeling warm and safe in Gwil’s arms, you were beaming; when your mind was drowning in drowsiness, you felt a warm breath on your neck and heard Gwilym’s voice saying softly, “I love you so much, Y/N”. But you knew it was just a dream. Reality couldn’t give you something like this. Never.

                                         ╰╮✾╭╯✯╰╮✾╭╯

rule №6. no contact with other sugar babies.

                                                December.

“When you’re gonna be home?”

You locked your phone after texting Gwil; you didn’t want to bother him, but it was Christmas Eve and you weren’t amused by spending it alone in his empty penthouse. He was called for work, and promised you to come back in three hours. The clock struck five in the evening. Gwil left at ten A.M.

You sighed deeply as you looked at the served table. You wanted to surprise him by cooking a festive dinner; it wasn’t like you were a chef, on the contrary – you couldn’t cook for shit. But, as you planned this thing, you googled some recipes and tried to cook something simple, but yet delicious. You had strange desire to be domestic with Gwilym – to cook food, do laundry, clean the house, and take kids from school… You didn’t even know when you first started imagining you two living a happy, suburban life in a pretty house with three children. Before Gwil you didn’t want kids. Now you were questioning all of your life choices. You were never able to have hook ups and not catch feelings. And this was certainly just a “hook up”, as you thought in the beggining. Only now it was much more.

“Soon, baby. I promise”.

His text gave you hope; his “soon” could be in ten minutes. You looked over the table in panic, quickly lighting candles. You ran to the nearest room; looking yourself up and down in the mirror, you twisted a ring on your index finger nervously. This green dress was exactly what Gwilym liked: it was tight, giving a perfect opportunity to observe all of your curves, and also very short. The color wasn’t exactly in the style of Christmas, but red lace lingerie underneath the dress was quite in the mood of the holiday. You knew Gwil would have gone crazy the second he came back home. He gave you  so much during those months and you just wanted to get him a pleasant reward; and you were also head over heels for him. That was pretty simple.

Suddenly you heard heels clattering on the marble floor of the living room; you frowned, trying to understand who was there. Was Gwil wearing heels? You wouldn’t be surprised at that. Or was it Gwil’s sister again? Not that you didn’t like her, you just wanted him all to yourself tonight; even though you weren’t against spending time with his family.

“Heather?” you called while heading back to the living-room.

It wasn’t Heather.

It was a girl in a coat and high-heeled ankle boots; her eyes were gleaming in the dark as she was reading the note she took from Gwil’s plate.

“Unwrap your gift”, she said; she raised her head and looked at you haughtily. “Who are you?”

“And you?” you asked in confusion. “How did you come in?”

“The door’s was open”.

“No, it was not”.

You stared at each other, trying to burn yourselves with your glares; you had a strong feeling that it was one of Gwilym’s other two sugar babies.

“I assume you’re Y/N”, she sat down at the table, at Gwil’s place. “You got a nice dinner here”.

“Thanks”, you squeaked. You already felt helpless and hopeless in front of her; she was this black-haired goddess with a sly grin on her face. She was confident. You weren’t like that. “That’s actually…” you were speaking quietly. “That’s for Gwil”.

She huffed. “Of course, it is. I’m Alice, if you don’t know that”, it felt like you were supposed to know her name and whom  she was. It seemed like she was the one who was supposed to be there. You suddenly felt really uncomfortable in her presence; her whole behavior was telling you to get out.

And here you were again. Feeling unnecessary, needless, unwanted.

“I’ve been with Gwil since I was twenty-three, like you are now”, she took a sip from the glass with champagne. “We’re having three-year anniversary this year”, she said with a smug smile.

“You sound like you’re dating”.

“We do”.

“No”.

The sound of his voice was something you craved for. It was like oxygen in the room with no windows and doors. It was like a light in the darkness.

“Daddy!” Alice jumped from her seat and beamed. Oh god, you already wanted to leave. She was looking at him so hungrily that you didn’t even know what you were doing there. You were an extra one. Unwanted. “You’re back! Y/N was just leaving”, she glared at you and raised her eyebrows, giving you a silent order. And you, with your zero self-esteem and very high level of shyness, obeyed.

“I’ve gotta go”, you muttered, heading to the door. Gwil, who stood not so far from you, immediately reached out and grabbed you by the wrist.

“Y/N, no. Please. Don’t go. Please”. He begged you to stay. Gwilym wanted you there, with him. You. Not Alice. The realization of it hit you suddenly, as you looked in his eyes.

You nodded, and he let go of your wrist, now intertwining his fingers with yours. “Alice is leaving”.

“Now, I’m not!” she tried to object, but Gwilym had none of her bullshit.

“You’re leaving. D’you remember what rule number five is about?”

Alice lowered her head and mumbled, “Never visit each other without calling beforehand”.

“Exactly. You broke it. Now you’re staying without your monthly supply. And getting the fuck out of my house”.

You could have sworn she muttered “Bitch” under her breath as she was passing by you. When she slammed the door, Gwil went to close it quickly; then he approached you and pulled you into a hug. “I’m sorry it happened”, he whispered.

“T’s alright”. You were silent for a moment. “I made you dinner; was afraid she’s gonna eat it”.

Gwil laughed and pulled away, his gaze fixed on you; “Did ya, really?” he sounded surprised. You smiled and nodded; then you took his hand and leaded him to the table. “Wow”, he gasped. “You didn’t have to, Y/N”, your gazes met and you smiled at him one more time, your eyes sparkling like diamonds.

“I wanted to, Gwil”.

He pulled you in a desperate kiss; it seemed as if he tried to show his whole affection and gratitude through it. “Thank you, baby”, he whispered against your lips. “I don’t deserve you”.

You rolled your eyes, ruining the moment and walked to your seat at the other side of the table. “Don’t start this”, you said, sitting down. Gwil chuckled as he took his seat; some seconds later you caught him staring at you.

“What’s for dessert?”

You looked at him with raised eyebrow and a smirk on your face. “You will find out later”, you winked at him.

                                                         ***

                                                        May.

“Y/N, stop apologizing. I’ve already told you everything’s alright”.

You couldn’t stop saying “Sorry” and nervously play with your hair the entire time you were sitting in your flat with Zoe; it was the first time you met each other and you were extremely anxious. She looked dazzling, like a star; she was smoking already a third cigarette in the last fifteen minutes.

“Alice’s the one who has to apologize, if to be honest”, she looked at you. “This bitch fed me with ugly lies about the sweetest person I’ve ever met”.

“Are you talking ‘bout me?”

“Absolutely”.

A small smile settled on your lips; Zoe was really sweet and nice, despite what you had been thinking about her. There was something charming, mysterious about her. You could certainly say why Gwil liked her, even if it broke your heart completely. “So, where were we?” Zoe asked.

“You were telling me about what Alice told you”.

“Oh right”, she nodded. “Alice has like a friend, a source in the company, where Gwil works. This “source” finds out everything about him, dunno how. This person told Alice about Gwil’s ex, Stefanie. I was fucking heartbroken after I heard that story”, she lit another cigarette.

“What’s about it?”

“Oh, Y/N, there’s so much. They were engaged, been together since school. Apparently, he loved her too much to notice that she started getting expensive jewelry and clothes. He believed every word she said, when she lied, telling she bought it herself. It turned out that she had three sugar daddies. And if he could forgive her just getting the money from them, he certainly couldn’t forgive her sleeping with all of them. It’s been like seven years since it happened and he’s still too eager to spoil us so much so that we wouldn’t even think about having someone else”.

You sat down on your couch, looking at Zoe in a state of complete shock. But she continued her story. “Gwil talks too much when he’s drunk; that’s how this source knows all of it”.

“You are his first sugar baby, right?”

Your question hung in the silence of the room. “Yeah. Been for four years”.

“And he never told you this?”

Zoe furrowed her brows and she took another drag. “No. We don’t talk about stuff like that. We usually just have some kind of small talk. He just gives me money-“

“In exchange for sex”, you interrupted her, voice thick with jealousy. Zoe chuckled.

“No. Not anymore at least”.

Your eyes widened at her words. “Why?”

Zoe shrugged her shoulders. “I dunno. He called it off several months ago, actually, with both me and Alice. He still gives us money, yeah, but nothing more than that. And if for the reason why – I think it’s ‘cause he’s just as in love with you as you’re with him”.

You gasped; you didn’t expect her to say something like that. You frowned and crossed your arms over your chest. “I don’t-“, you stuttered. “I’m not-“

“Yes, you are”, Zoe huffed. “Come on, Y/N, you know it’s true. He wouldn’t call off two opportunities to fuck whenever he wants just ‘cause he’s bored. No. There’s something more. He loves you, you dumb bitch”.

“He doesn’t, Zoe. He doesn’t and he never will”.

                                        ╰╮✾╭╯✯╰╮✾╭╯

You are awoken by a loud, non-stopping knocking on your door. You take in a sharp breath, struggling with getting up; your head is throbbing violently, as you stand up from the couch. It’s already dark outside; and you wonder how much time you have spent sleeping. Twelve hours? Fourteen? No matter how many of them – you are still sore, sad and hurt. Everything hurts so badly.

But you’re still wearing Gwil’s shirt. The feeling of its fabric on your skin makes you somehow feel better. Warmer. Makes feel a little bit alive.

The loud knocking proceeds as you walk towards the door. You think that it’s probably your mum coming to see you; you don’t answer your phone as you’ve been sleeping for so long.

When you open the door you expect to see a middle-aged woman with brown hair and angry voice, who’ll start lecturing you immediately as she always does. But your expectations are nothing compared to reality.

With red swollen eyes (like he’s been crying), messy hair and a backpack, which is slowly falling from his shoulder – that’s what  he looks like standing at your doorstep. You don’t understand why he’s here, what he needs from you. You look at him as if he was a ghost, a phantom, a shadow, that will disappear at any moment. You can’t believe he’s here.

“Gwil?”

________________________________________________________________

wtf just happend am I right haha

“alio” taglist:  @majesticdiscodeaky @heartsarecompatible @all-my-friends-are-german @magicwithaknife @longing-hiraeth @thelondondreamer5 @roger-taylors-drumsticks @runningoutofwordstosay @chlobo6 @you-and-i-deserve-the-world @queenficarchive @murydedeus03 @alis-volat-propriiis @deacycomics @hollandspcter @gwils-bitch   @crazylittlethingcalleddub-step @painthatiusedto @kaylaylaylayla @rogerinastolemyheart @broken-pieces 

[missytearex]

To Read List - Tomlinshaw

This list is purely for myself to keep track of everything I still want to read. Its gonna change as I actually read though them and find more stuff to add.

Find fics I’ve already read here.

Tomlinshaw

Getting Good At This by pukeandcry

Nick inherits custody of his baby god-daughter, and (predictably) has no idea what he’s doing; Louis only means to help out a bit, not fall in love with either of them. (A loosely-adapted Life As We Know It AU)

Portions For Foxes by pukeandcry

“You know how Tommo is about dares,” Harry says, laughing once, without any humor.

“An idiot,” Nick supplies, feeling a bit dazed. “But he’s always like that, so.”

Or, Louis injures himself, and somehow Nick winds up taking care of him.

(beginning at the singular beginning of your smile) by alison

Harry has a thing for Nick. Nick has a thing for someone else. That person is Harry’s best friend.

Louis’ life gets a little complicated. He blames science.

Holding Out For A Hero (I Feel Like Chicken Tonight) by sunsetmog

Nick could say no, he could, but he doesn’t. He likes picking up a drunk and sleepy Louis, who pokes through Nick’s music collection and criticises all of it, or demands that they drive to the late night KFC because he needs chicken and then falls asleep holding a bag of chips two minutes out of the drive through lane. He likes making fun of a drunk Louis Tomlinson, and waking him up when he gets home.

He even likes that it’s their secret, that no one else ever knows that this is a thing that happens, a thing that they sometimes do.

The Sky At Night by sunsetmog

There’s a little piece of paper on his bedside table, torn from the bottom of a notepad.

Insomnia Alliance, it says, in Louis’s chicken scratch handwriting. 9pm-7am, then the telephone number.

Or: Louis can’t sleep, and Nick’s the one who answers the phone in the middle of the night.

It’s Only A Beginning by sunsetmog

No, this year was not going better than last year, because last year he was with his friends, and everything was okay, and it wasn’t the case that every single last thing was crap. Last year he wasn’t the stupid sixth former who’d failed his AS levels and had had to move stupid schools to do them again.

In which the only good thing in Louis’s life was the person he talked to on Tumblr every night.

Gave My Heart Out by sunsetmog

“We could give them a home,” he said softly. “It doesn’t need to be a baby, right? Nobody loves those kids and I reckon we could love them.”

“Yeah.” Nick found Louis’s hand. “I reckon we could love them.”

Blanket Forts and Cups of Tea by sunsetmog

“Is knobhead the password?”

“No.”

Or, the one where Louis builds a blanket fort and Nick gets upset about teaspoons.

We Used To Wait by sunsetmog

The BBC Breaking News Twitter just says, One Direction star Louis Tomlinson rushed to hospital after M25 car crash.

or: Louis has an accident, but nobody even knows he and Nick are going out.

Not Your Fault But Mine by sunsetmog

It’s the beginning of Louis’ second year at uni, and he’s sharing a house with his four best friends in the world. This is going to be the best fucking year ever, Louis can just tell. The best fucking year ever.

Wooing for Beginners by sunsetmog

There’s a girl at school Louis is dying to impress, but Louis ends up impressing Nick instead.

A sort-of bookshop/high school/Saturday job AU with extra baking and not enough fish fingers.

This Must Be The Time by sunsetmog

Nick’s never been the kind of boy to have a long-term boyfriend. There’s always been other stuff that’s been more interesting, stuff that’s held his attention more than the boys in his bed. It’s different with Louis.

Or: Louis and Nick come out: featuring flashbacks, goats, a determined Harry Styles and one very wet experience on the log flume.

Tourbox by sunsetmog

On Friday, Harry brings him a packet of pink wafer biscuits and a little plastic net of marbles. “These are for you,” he says, before very politely sitting on Louis’ stairs and taking off his shoes, then hanging his coat over the bannister.

“Cool,” Louis says, which is all you can really say if you’re faced with biscuits that aren’t really biscuits and a bag of marbles. “Do you want tea?”

Nice Everything, I Suppose (Vodka and Tinsel Remix) by sunsetmog

In which Nick and Louis both work for the local radio station, and as junior junior production assistant’s assistant, Louis is charged with organising Cropley FM’s annual Christmas party.

This Is Your Fault (Where Circumference Is Irrelevant, and Length Matters) by sunsetmog

In which Nick wakes up in Louis Tomlinson’s body, Nick and Louis compare dick sizes, and Nick’s fairly sure he can lay the blame firmly at Harry “bloody awful secret wizard” Styles’ door for all of this and more.

I Had Rather Hear My Dog Bark At A Crow by sunsetmog

The first time Louis Tomlinson kisses him, Nick is three sheets to the wind, wearing a pirate hat, and so fucking tired of Louis being a complete and utter knobhead that he’s spent the last ten minutes snapping at him.

The kiss takes him rather by surprise, all things considered.

Or: Nick and Louis don’t like each other, not even a little bit, not even at all.

it’s miserable and magical by estrella30

“Since when do we accept morning drinks from enemy lines?” Nick asks flatly. The coffee cup has rolled toward his foot, and Nick stomps on it with his boot, grinning as the cup splits down the middle.

“Enemy lines. Please.” Matt shakes his head and huffs. “Don’t you think you’re being a bit dramatic, Grimmy?”

“No.” His mobile has finally gone silent, but that’s no better. A quiet Louis Tomlinson is just a Louis Tomlinson who hasn’t figured out how to piss you off again yet. Nick’s figured this out over time. “Not at all.”

OR - Nick is regular Nick on Radio1 but all of 1D are various DJ’s and they all work together. And then Tomlinshaw happens.

light my heart up baby like a matchstick by estrella30

Nick leans back in his seat and watches Louis bounce around the room fiddling with the levels on the soundboard and getting out all the pages for the adverts and links Nick needs for the morning. Louis is humming quietly under his breath, his mouth quirked in a tiny grin and Nick thinks that it would be a whole lot easier to actually hate Louis and everything about him if he weren’t so bloody attractive.

Meant To Crush Your World by alnima

When Nick gets home from his walk with Puppy there’s a note taped to his door, a sheet of paper with messy scrawl on it that reads, sorry for nothing. Nick growls, yanking the paper off the door and crumbling it up, throwing it across the hall towards Louis and Harry’s apartment before he disappears into his own, letting Puppy off her leash and getting to work.

Nick will be damned if he’s going to let an overgrown-monster of a child continue to ruin his life.

Just In Case by alnima

Nick’s convinced she looks like Louis, knows that she can’t, but he’s convinced she has his eyes, and his lips. She’s beautiful, he can see that, but he’s still not sure how this all happened. How Nick Grimshaw, president of the ‘Love Is For Idiots Who Don’t Know How To Have A Good Time And Live Their Own Lives’ club became a devoted boyfriend… and father.

but if you close your eyes by alnima

The four times Nick tries to tell Louis that he loves him and the one time that Louis lets him.

follow the marks you left by carissima

Nick looks up at him in surprise before he settles more comfortably in his chair, letting his pen bounce off the paper he’s been writing on a few times before he grins at Louis. “Hello Louis Tomlinson, fancy seeing you here.”

“It’s my second home, innit?” Louis says easily. He’s not even sure it’s a lie.

“Well it’s certainly becoming mine this year,” Nick says with a roll of his eyes. “Are you here to help Simon then? Should I be fraternising with the enemy?”

The phrasing makes Louis pause, and he idly kicks off his Vans, leaving them sprawled under the desk. “I could go, if you like,” he says, completely insincerely as he leans back in the chair and crosses his arms.

boyfriend material (that’s what you’re made of) by carissima

“What a nice lad,” Pete says, making Nick jump in surprise. He turns to find his parents standing side by side, staring at him with identical smiles on their faces. Nick’s gaze narrows as his eyes dart between his parents.

“Yeah, I mean, I guess he’s alright,” Nick says warily.

“So is he your special someone then?” his mum bursts out, and oh god, she’s actually giddy.

or the one where Nick accidentally tells his parents that he’s dating Louis Tomlinson from One Direction.

lost in the dark by carissima

“Please come get me.”

i’ll come around by carissima

“Grimmy thinks you’re pretty,” Harry says idly.

“Obviously,” Louis scoffs. “Wait. What?”

wait for me to come home by carissima

Nick comes home to find his future husband in bed. It’s a bit of a surprise, all things considered.

Time-travel fic.

it’s a beautiful night (we’re looking for something dumb to do) by carissima

In which Nick ends up in Vegas for Harry’s half-birthday and leaves with a famous popstar husband in tow.

Call Me Curious by carissima

Nick and Louis hate each other. Except there’s also flirty texts.

Not A Fan by carissima

Nick ends up at one of Louis’ charity football matches with Harry. Turns out that Nick’s a bit of a fan, but don’t tell Louis. Side Harry/Liam.

but tonight (you’re on my mind) by allwaswell16

Nick’s friendship with the lead singer of Seventy Eight has come with a new circle of people including an entrancing, blue eyed drummer. But what brings them together can also tear them apart.

Know You Know You Got It Bad by taggiecb

“I heard you on the radio.” Louis says. Okay, definitely not what he expected to hear.

“Yes, I am on five days a week, sometimes more.” Nick replies. Seriously, what is up with this kid?

“No no. That’s not what I meant.” Louis shakes his head and sighs heavily, as though Nick is the one being cryptic. “I heard what you said. To Fifi.” Louis pauses, but Nick takes a cue and stays quiet. He has a feeling that the more he talks, the longer this thing is going to draw out. Suddenly Louis is getting close, really close. Like, so close that Nick is wondering if Louis is about to kiss him. He doesn’t of course, he’s moving to talk into Nick’s ear. Which, Nick isn’t going to lie, affects him almost as much as a kiss might. The boy is fit. “About the chains and whips.”

Now it’s Nick’s turn to blush and fumble

Or Where a glib comment on the radio leads to one very interesting few weeks for Nick.

Do You Smile To Tempt a Lover by allwaswell16

Nick Grimshaw is entranced by Louis, his very beautiful, very cheeky new coworker at The National Portrait Gallery. He watches him day after day, wondering what he’s furiously typing on his laptop over lunch. With a little help from the very bored barista in the gallery cafe, Nick finds himself growing closer to Louis than he ever dreamed possible.

Somebody Hurt You (I Know A Place) by Writcraft

An unexpected encounter brings Nick and Louis together but before they can tell anyone about their relationship an attack on Louis tears them both apart. Nick struggles to deal with the fact Louis no longer remembers their time together as Louis struggles with his injuries and nightmares in the aftermath of the attack. Together they help one another to heal and learn how to love all over again.

The Disgruntled Novelist's Bodacious Pornographer (or, that time Nick and Louis were rival romance writers) by aliferuined

The day Nick releases his latest novel, Velvet Abyss - the very same day - Louis Tomlinson drops an unannounced online novella. It’s called The Pearl of the Pirate’s Booty, and it’s about nudist pirates living on a space station on one of Saturn’s moons.

Once every day your life starts again by blackmustache

Somewhere in a non-specific not-too-distant future, Louis gets a mild case of amnesia and forgets he's dating Nick. Nick has to remind him how the hell that happened.

hold on for one more day by disgruntledkittenface

“Right? Anyway, s’not like he needs to put the reminder, if anyone’s going to fuck up live on air–” “It’d be you,” they say at the same time.

Louis appears on The Breakfast Show to promote Back to You.

All the Silver Moons by YesIsAWorld

Nick wakes up in a strange hotel room and is apparently visiting Louis on tour. Which is really weird, because Louis doesn't like him and they've never hung out without Harry as a buffer. And clearly Louis thinks they're *together* together and Nick hasn't the faintest idea what's going on.

This is different than in the movies! by definitelynotafan

In which Nick's new flat is haunted and the ghost has a weird thing about shoes.

I'll Be Your Pride by YesIsAWorld

Louis needled Nick into riding the Ferris wheel with him so he wouldn't have to ride alone. Of course, they get stuck at the top and Louis has to help Nick through his paralyzing fear of heights.

It’s Like I’m Shootin' With Broken Arrows by Saori

Road trips are fun if you're going with someone you can connect with. Riding on the highway with the radio on, eating junk food, taking selfies and making meaningless conversations, bantering about directions...

That's not exactly the case with Nick and Louis. There might be less connecting and more bickering.

or, Nick and Louis miss the last plane, and they have two days to get to France. Traveling together might be the worst and best decision in their lives.

If This Is To End In Fire by Jiksa

Apocalypse makes it sound a lot more glamorous than it actually is.

your crooked sleep beside me by nicalyse

Louis Tomlinson is unexpected.

In which Louis comes on the Breakfast Show and Nick starts to fall for him.

Go On, I Dare You by PwoperNinjaElf

Nick and Louis are camp counsellors that have spent their past few summers working at an American summer camp, eager for the paid trip abroad, but far less keen on one another. On the final day of camp last summer though, they ended up drunkenly hooking up, but never spoke about it again. Nick's still not entirely sure what went down and why Louis bailed on him, but it's okay. He's just going to ignore it. Ignore Louis, which shouldn't be too hard considering that's what he's been doing for the past few years already anyway. This summer is going to be just like all the others, honestly, nothing's changed...

An American summer camp AU, featuring two stupid boys who keep getting their wires crossed, a host of other familiar faces, all the old school band t-shirts and a camp that should probably keep a better check on their counsellors.

Those Summer Nights by YesIsAWorld

Nick’s whirlwind summer romance ended when he left his dad’s beach house. Now it’s the first day of senior year, and Nick needs to avoid both the most popular boy at school and his friends’ probing questions.

There Now, Steady Love by Jiksa

Nick's just had his heart broken, Louis is surprisingly careful with it.

Or, the one where Nick's a small time radio DJ & Louis's a single dad trying to make it as a musician.

Give Me One More Night With You by EmmyLouWho

Louis turns up at Nick’s door on Saturday night, carrying a bottle of wine that he’d picked out at random at a Sainsburys on the way there.

He’d spent ages trying to figure out what you were supposed to wear when you’re going over to somebody’s house so they can thank you for looking after their dog but really you were effectively keeping their dog hostage and you also think that that person is really cute and you’re trying not to be weird about it. His Google search had been, perhaps unsurprisingly, not very helpful.

Or, the one where Pig turns up on Louis' doorstep one day, and Louis has a crush.

Cigarette in my left hand, whole world in my right hand by wearetheluckyones

Harry's had some really bad ideas before, starting with the time he got pissed and jumped into the Thames stark naked, but this might take the fucking cake. Offering up Louis as a viable option for a model for Nick's last photography project is ludicrous at best and a disaster waiting to happen at worst.

you can't take the sky from me by mrsenjolras

“Alright,” Nick says eventually. “You can stay till our next stop. But it’s not gonna come free.” Louis stiffens. He’s got money, sure, but he’s worried that that’s not the kind of payment Nick is looking for. “Oh, don’t look so scared,” Nick says, though. “We’re not stopping till we’re in the next system. Can you work?”

“Oh,” Louis says, relieved. “Yeah, I can do pretty much anything.”

“Great, well, welcome aboard the Pig Dog,” Nick says, extending a hand out for Louis to shake. Louis takes it, decidedly not thinking about how it’s larger than his own and also very warm and quite soft, and instead cocks his head.

“Wait, your ship is called the Pig Dog?”

[Or: the one where Louis stows away and gets more than he bargained for.]

(no such thing as) ordinary, love by dizzy

Nick is an Uber driver in London and Louis ends up passed out in the back seat of his car.

some velvet morning, years too late by tintedglasses

A better adult probably would have changed their emergency contact information once they had convinced said contact that they wanted nothing to do with them, but Louis had never been very good at proper adult things. Besides, it’s not like he thought he’d ever need it.

Or: Louis wakes up in the hospital with unfinished business at his bedside. Turns out Nick has some unfinished business, too.

Now that you're here, I never want you to leave by wearetheluckyones

“You like him,” He sing-songs, tugging off the pasta container’s lid.

“Go fuck yourself.” Nick tells him as he finds plates, no actual bite behind his words. “Did you get the extra garlic bread? You ate it all last time.”

“You gonna ask him out?” Harry asks, taking the two foil wrapped garlic breads from the bag and putting them on the counter.

“I’m gonna give you the same answer I gave you last time you asked me that.”

“You’re into him, he’s into you, what’s the big deal?” Harry asks, frowning, accepting the plate Nick hands him and dumping half the container of bacon and feta gnocchi onto it, and half the container of penne arrabbiata next to it. “You should just ask him out. There’s no harm in trying.”

-*-*-

Or, the one where Louis's a drummer, Nick's a radio DJ, and Louis's dogs are menaces.

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. by wrongtree

Louis and Nick buy a Christmas tree and are in love.

i hate cards and card shops: a short story by nightwideopen

Get better right now or else.

An ode to Nick’s frustrations while card shopping.

stuck on you by clairdeloune

“Please tell me you’re joking."

“I’m completely serious,” Nick replies calmly, even as the corner of his mouth twitches.

“I’m not letting you call our dog Stinky,” Louis protests.

nothing hidden in your head by serenityandtea

Nick has a popstar cuddled up in his lap and ITV is showing Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

 “You know,” Louis speaks up a couple minutes later, his hand stroking Stinky’s fur. “I always thought I’d rock a Slytherin tie. What do you reckon?”

“I think you’d look great in-” Nick pauses. Yellow? Purple? “-blue?”

hi hater, kiss kiss by MediaWhore

Nick has had a crush on Louis Tomlinson ever since he first saw him perform on the x-factor. Almost four years later, he's finally accepted that their ongoing, unstoppable feud is the only thing the two of them will ever share. One game of Call or Delete with Niall Horan, however, starts to shake this belief.

Almost Feels Like Nothing's Changed at All (If You Close Your Eyes) by Hllangel

It's a general rule that Nick is never more than about two inches from his phone, but for all the teasing he gets about it from everyone he knows, he's never been more glad about it than he is right now. The tweet went out about two minutes ago, but it's basically blown up his notifications, and probably his life. Shit. Shit.

baby, we're the new romantics by annemari

Louis leans forward and shouts over the whole room, "Hey, Grimmy, what did you do to your hair? Had a fight with a lawn mower?"

Louis has never been very good at volume control.

Or the one where Louis insults Nick's hair, and then tries to apologise. A lot.

Locked In by takhallus

For the prompt 'Louis and Nick wake up handcuffed together'.

Canon compliant.

a boy for all seasons by words_unravel

Over the course of a year, in bits and pieces, Louis and Nick fall in love.

Lean Your Ear This Way by alison

Louis accompanies Harry to the Radio 1 Christmas party.

Here's to the Assholes and the Last Calls by alison

Louis gets drunk and declares his love for Nick. Nick won't kiss him.

Post-It Notes and Everything by takhallus

Louis has a grand plan to explain to Nick how they're not actually enemies and how they should start having sex as soon as possible.

I'd get down on my knees for you by thephysicsofstandingstill

Nick knows that when Louis gets like this, it takes more than a cuddle and a cup of tea to set things right.

different arrangements by weddingbells

louis likes football and sometimes he likes dick, and the world is very aware of one of those things and not the others. and when louis goes to ibiza, he meets a stranger.

We could start over again by Conscious_ramblings

Louis has been with Aiden for six months but it's not working. Aiden is the wrong person at the right time, and it's hard to leave someone who you have twisted your life with. Someone you are shopping for crockery for their Nan in John Lewis with.

An argument over Christmas shopping sends Louis into the hand of another, another who is female and definitely not wanting to buy Louis a cup of tea.

But there is someone else, someone who might be the right person at the right time. Someone happy to buy him tea, and shots, and scotch eggs.

A little christmassy tale of tomlinshaw and blow jobs and smut and kink...

Constantly on the Cusp by shiftylinguini

It’s 5 in the morning, and Nick’s got an alarm going off, an unexpected bed full of pop star, and a nation to wake up.

It’s far too fucking early for this.

less catfishing, more cats by alison

Nick drops his head back, too tired from a long day at the shop to put up a real fight. “I'd rather you used a crap photo. I'd rather this was a joke.”

“Nothing funny about this,” Ian mutters seriously, eyes scanning whatever he's written. Probably something along the lines of almost-but-not-quite fit bloke approaching middle age seeks a warm body to curl up to at night, not picky, terribly lonely and sad.

(Nick's friends sign him up for a dating site against his will. He's going to replace them with cats.)

protective tomlinshaw defcon 10 by ariadne_odair

He also wants to kiss him a lot. That could possibly be a problem. Or a solution. Nick’s brain is a bit fuzzy from the shots.

“Wait a moment,” Nick scowls. “Are you slagging me off because I haven’t been a prick to you?"

Prompt: okay but where is a fic where nick and louis banter endlessly and say rude shit to each other 24/7 but as soon as either of their friends try to do the same it’s protective tomlinshaw defcon 10

To Err is Human, To Rim Divine by Conscious_ramblings

This is the cautionary tale about the mistakes we make that lead to love when we decidedly aren’t looking.

Louis made three errors. Three errors that led him to be tied to a bed, magic 8 ball buttplug firmly inside him, with his sadistic arse of a boyfriend teasing him mercilessly. Three errors that he doesn’t actually regret, not even a little bit, but never tell Nick that.

The only way is up again by becka

Record shop owner Louis is dumped by his long-time boyfriend and wonders if he should resign himself to tedium and dying alone. But there are plenty of people record shop employee Niall can call on to help get Louis back on his feet, including a fit Radio 1 DJ. A (significantly altered) High Fidelity AU.

be my one and only? (aubergine emoji) by hazmesentir

AU. Nick and Louis aren't in a relationship. Definitely not. (And specifically not if Harry asks).

a man on a wire by weddingbells

When Louis can't relax all Harry can do is try to get him to try yoga. So there Louis is, a phone number from Harry supposed to go to a yoga instructor only that it doesn't, because the person on the other end is Nick Grimshaw and things isn't quite going the way they were planned to go. Or...

lost my senses, i'm defenceless by clairdeloune

“You told Nick Grimshaw what?” Louis asks calmly. He can be so calm. He’s the best at being calm, no matter what Liam says. He can match Harry’s calm with his own calm, won’t give him the satisfaction of seeing Louis freak out, no way.

“I told him you’d get papped wearing something from his collection,” Harry repeats and there’s so much fucking glee in his voice, like he’s stupidly proud of coming up with that idea.

Something Personal by checkthemargins

Nick is a young, renown neurosurgeon. Harry is his worker-minion. Liam is Harry's new boyfriend. Louis is Harry's best friend and an absolutely wretched little monster, and Nick is stupidly, stupidly in love with him.

Solo Holiday by colourexplosion

With trembling hands and his pulse rabbiting in his neck, Louis looks at the brochures. SOLO HOLIDAY one of them says in big red letters. The other is a ticket for a twelve day cruise around the Eastern Mediterranean.

(Louis goes on a singles' cruise. He meets Nick.)

War Games by driveinbingo

If Nick had wanted a normal relationship, he probably shouldn't have given his entire heart to professional competitive asshole Louis Tomlinson.

Let's Not Fight in Vegas by YesIsAWorld

Louis really should have told Nick that he was head over heels before Nick and Harry walked down the aisle.

Won't Fall by goseaward

Louis needs a new bartender. Niall finds Nick Grimshaw.

same mistakes by words_unravel

Louis may or may not be attracted to a certain Nick Grimshaw.

Nick Grimshaw may or may not be able to stop thinking about one Louis Tomlinson.

Too bad they each think the other is dating Harry Styles.

Hey, Angel by Writcraft

Nick's a Guardian Angel who finds himself booted down to earth for snogging a demon. The weather is far too hot for rainbow wings, Nick's developed an unexpected allergy to feathers and he's trapped in the Hollywood Hills with a popstar who's driving him absolutely batshit. Is this hell?

One Foot In Your Bedroom & One Foot Out the Door by littlepinkbow

Louis was busy falling in love with Nick and Nick was busy not realising that he and Louis were even in a functioning relationship. Do people celebrate anniversaries of dysfunction?

Or the one where it all starts with a trap remix of Best Song Ever and a few too many drinks.

Not a Bloody Thing by checkthemargins

This thing that Nick has with his intern's friend really isn't a big deal.

on the other side like always by chillpills

Nick, and the rest of the country, realized fairly quickly that living in the zombie apocalypse – the daily, monotonous grind of living – isn’t actually that unbearable. It’s not really the end of the world, anyway. There’s just a fast-spreading disease prevalent among a large percentage of the population and as long as Nick stays out of the way of the infected, he’ll be safe, and when the infection is under control, then life can function as it used to.

At least that’s what Louis told him. And Louis should know, he guesses.

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better Than You by aliferuined

Basically, Louis and Nick have grumpy sex and ignore their feelings.

The thing is, Nick doesn't do boyfriends.

if a reason is what you're looking for (i'll be yours) by weddingbells

Liam though, the bastard, just fixes the stupid hat he is wearing and swallows another giggle. "You got married! Last night. I believe one of you decided it was Vegas tradition and now here we are." “We did not fucking get married.” Louis deadpans and stares from Liam to Nick. “I did not fucking marry that!” Nick glares back at Louis. “And I did not marry him. I have standards, unlike others.” “Go fuck yourself.” Louis flips him off, but he is also feeling panic rise in his body because what the fuck happened last night and what did they do and if they are naked did he seriously have sex with Nick fucking Grimshaw? And married him?

Louis is in Vegas. When he wakes up he isn’t alone in his bed. And apparently not single either. Thank god annulments are an easy thing to get. Well, that is until your management decides you can’t get one but have to pretend that the whole thing wasn’t a drunken mistake but in fact, an act of love.

giving up this game by annemari

What happened was that around two years ago, after their night time show, Matt Fincham turned to Nick and said, "Hey, you know Louis Tomlinson, right? They want you to do football with him."

To which Nick said, "Do what?"

The one where Nick and Louis do the alternative football commentary and the action isn't only on the field.

get another coal on the fake fire by magneticwave

In Louis’ defense, this had seemed like a smashing idea with high potential for success six weeks ago when he’d first thought of it. // “I get that you’re jealous and all,” Zayn adds, “because—we all get it, yeah? Harry’s got like a million mates now outside of the band and he’s never around when we’re home—but it has never occurred to me that this problem might be solved by one of us sucking Grimmy’s dick.”

missing you is a slow burn by clairdeloune

“Maybe we should talk,” he offers quietly, even though he already knows what the answer will be. So when Louis frantically shakes his head and tries to kiss him again, he takes his face in his hands and strokes his cheek with his thumb, asks, “What do you want, love?”

Louis doesn’t look him in the eye when he whispers, “You.”

So Nick gives him just that.

I'll surrender up my heart (and swap it for yours) by clairdeloune

When Louis got a text from Harry saying ‘hey so I kind of need you to do something for me’ he didn’t expect it would lead him to standing at Nick Grimshaw’s doorstep with a bag full of groceries, medicine and a box of takeaway.

(He didn't expect to fall in love with Nick either.)

Give me touch by Conscious_ramblings

Nick Is slightly obsessed with watching a pretty northern twink wank on camera for hundreds of men.

Harry is slightly obsessed with setting Nick up with his friend Louis.

Louis might also have a slight obsession with one of the men that watches him wank, but he'd never admit it if you asked.

nothing is more fantastic. nothing is more tragic. by alison

after the breakfast show and after one direction, nick and louis find themselves in the same place at the same time.

the place is paris.

Maybe I'm A Liar (But For Tonight I Want To Fall In Love) by usernicole

Louis really has to do something about the crush he has on his fiance.

Love and the Purple Palace by takhallus

Louis is an air steward looking for a quick and easy fling with the handsome new bar manager at his crew hotel. He gets more than he bargained for with Nick Grimshaw.

Leave Your Heart at the Door by justyrae

Nick groans as he puts his head down on his desk as the thought sinks in; he can't possibly have a crush on Louis. It was only one night, after all, and besides, Louis is a prostitute. Nick cannot have a crush on a prostitute.

I Could Stand You One More Night by Hllangel

"Didn't expect to see you," Nick says instead of hello. He's already just in tracksuit bottoms and a t-shirt, hair sticking up all over the place, glasses on instead of contacts. Louis stomach lurches weirdly, but he ignores it and pushes past Nick into his flat. He knows he wasn't followed here, but he's uncomfortable standing outside for too long most days.

"Just got back to London," Louis says. "Haven't seen you for a while." He holds out a kebab in the bag.

Or, Louis and Nick have been fucking for ages, but it's definitely not a thing. They don't even like each other.

It's Only A Beginning by sunsetmog

No, this year was not going better than last year, because last year he was with his friends, and everything was okay, and it wasn't the case that every single last thing was crap. Last year he wasn’t the stupid sixth former who’d failed his AS levels and had had to move stupid schools to do them again.

In which the only good thing in Louis's life was the person he talked to on Tumblr every night.

set the pace by flimsy

It's not always easy, but sometimes it's harder than it has to be. --University meets Radio 1 AU

“Do you think,” Nick says, “that we can keep this between us?” He gestures between himself and Louis and gives Louis a crooked smile like this is all explanatory, and Louis’ stomach twists uncomfortably.

“What,” he retorts, raising his brows, “that we shagged? Or that you are an awful snorer?”

start me over by camiii

"Nick’s funny when he’s not being a knob, and has good taste in music and Louis really likes his hands. Not to mention that he’s tall, tall enough to have made Louis spend a minute or two imagining what it would be like to have Nick pin him to a flat surface and snog him senseless. The only thing keeping him from a full grown crush at this point is sheer will and the threat of humiliation.

So, Nick’s a dickhead but unfortunately Louis is kind of into that."

i'll follow you, follow you home by annemari

Nick should be prepared for this. He absolutely should be prepared for this, is sure he's even thought about this moment before. But he didn't sleep that well, and it's a Friday, and he dashed home after the show this morning because Louis said, "Just call me, Nick." Said he'd be waiting up, and he didn't care it was almost three in the morning in LA.

So, yeah. Nick isn't prepared for Harry to answer Louis's phone.

The one where Nick and Louis are in a secret relationship, Louis gets hurt on tour, and they both realise they have some things they need to figure out.

love and kickin' by camiii

When Nick looks up in direction of the pitch he nearly chokes on his mouthful of coffee.

The Arsenal player standing behind the sideline, ball in his hands and number 28 splayed across his back, is fit. Really fit.

In all honesty Nick can only see him from behind, but the first thing he notices is a quite spectacular bum and nicely muscled thighs and, well, football might have its redeeming aspects after all.

Or the fic where Nick has no interest in football but is dragged to a football match, Louis is the Arsenal player that catches his attention, and maybe there are some redeeming qualities to the game after all.

and i refuse to let this go by annemari

Louis needs another smoke. He needs another fucking drink. He's too drunk and too sober all at the same time. His hands are shaking. He digs his nails into his thigh, trying to breathe.

Nick is hurt. He's hurt, and in a coma, and there's a chance he could never wake up, and Louis is halfway across the world.

The one where Louis and Nick are in a secret relationship, Nick loses his memories, and Louis tries to not fall apart.

Kissing in the Rain by Writcraft

It starts at a party with shitty cocktails, a DJ that's definitely not as good as Nick and some 'that only happens in the movies' kissing in the rain.

and i never saw you coming by annemari

The first message said, You're not too bad on the radio, Grimshaw. There was a star glued at the end of the sentence. That was it. That was all it said.

you come around and the armor falls by annemari

Nick is tired. That's the reason. That's why his body is doing—whatever it's doing.

He stares at the broken pieces of the mug he just dropped and swipes at his eyes.

"Nick," Louis says. "Are you crying?"

Press My Face Against the Clouds by Jiksa

Norway has a polar bear population, Nick has a broken heart, and Louis Tomlinson is, unsurprisingly, still a complete fucking wanker.

Buddy System by ohnojamie

He groans and fills his mouth with the majority of the champagne sitting next to him. It might be Zayn’s but Louis thinks he deserves it more. He deserves champagne, new friends, and to not realize he wants to marry his boyfriend while at his best friends wedding.

or Louis proposes in his own roundabout way

Like Rollin' Dice by usernicole

Zayn and Louis make a bet.

Late Night Spaces by usernicole

"they will hook me up to a polygraph and ask me if I love you and I will say no but the needle will jump and sputter exactly how you laugh" It hits Louis in the middle of a show, bathed in lights and the screams of their thousands and thousands of fans. It’s like he’s been kicked in the chest, air punched out of him, and he’s suddenly, overwhelmingly in love with Nick Grimshaw.

take take take by dramaturgicallycorrect

“Abstract art, like. I don’t get it.” Louis tilts his head. “Reckon it’s supremely uncool of me to admit it.”

Nick thumps a hand to his chest. “I, for one, am shocked and appalled.”

Louis squints at the pure black canvas, eyes shifting across the thick swathes of paint that only look like a pattern when you’re squinting at it as close as Louis is. Nick almost wants to tip Louis back so he doesn’t slosh his beer all over the thing.

“Everyone’s always on about that bullshit, right, about like. Poetry shit, like, writing stuff that sounds deep but don’t make any sense. Stuff that you need a bloody degree to understand. Like people who just write like normal people or who, like, I dunno, fucking draw a bowl of fruit are somehow less than.”

Louis’ not exactly standing on a table saying, I sing pop music, you fucks, love me anyway, but. He might has well have done.

[Or some people give give give and some people take take take.]

Three Cheers for Involuntary Attraction by checkthemargins

The one where Nick is accidentally dating Louis.

we are not alone in the dark with our demons by alison

It's a Wednesday when Nick leaves. One too many questions about his feelings for Harry Styles, one too many jokes, one too many laughs. He leaves because he can't anymore, can't pretend that's all it is: a joke. He can't play along anymore, so he walks out of the studio and gets in his car and drives, the destination not seeming important in this moment.

The last person he would expect to find him is Louis.

Taylor Swift Has Probably Written A Song About This Feeling by neerdowellwolf

Nick isn't sure how he ended up fooling around with Louis Tomlinson and he's definitely not sure when he fell in love.

I Melt with You by pillarboxred

Louis is homesick.

That's the only reason he does it in the end.

Not because he’s, like, in love with him or anything, because that’s just ridiculous, but because Louis misses home, and Nick knows enough about how terrible that feeling is to actually want to do something about it.

He’s not in love.

Or, the one where Nick tries cheering Louis up and it goes better than he'd ever expected.

so fill up your lungs and just run by softestlesbian

“I didn’t even know you were pregnant,” Nick murmurs, a little awed. “How didn’t I know?”

“I didn’t tell anyone that didn’t need to know,” and her voice breaks a little.

Nick thinks back about a year ago. She wasn’t dating anyone, not that he knew of. Not after she’d broken up with... “Who’s the dad, then?” he asks, trying to keep his voice even. If this is Louis fucking Tomlinson’s kid, he’s going to have to have some very serious words with Harry.

*

or, Nick becomes the godfather to Louis's baby.

It's a Yes From Me by littlepinkbow

When Nick's nerves about the X Factor got to him the most unexpected person ended up being the one who made him feel okay about everything and maybe Harry doesn't have all the worst ideas.

quo fata ferunt by alison

when louis ends up going on holiday with his girlfriend's best friend's boyfriend, things get very messy.

so impatient when you're not mine by 1dhockeyau

It's easier to sleep at home anyway, but Nick's home is even more welcoming than his own now.

Or, Nick and Louis spend most of their time apart, but it's mostly worth it.

tsunami tides in my eyes by thegoodyouth

The prompt was "You can go anywhere you want with this, but based off the Ed Sheeran song U.N.I." and I just saw a lot of angst.

into your heart i'll beat again (orphan_account)

He asks about her schooling, her plans for the future, her family and friends. He recognized her as a friend of Nick’s as well as Harry’s from the moment he walked in and saw her sat here, but it still catches him off guard when she mentions his name. Suddenly his filter is shattering into a million tiny pieces.

(or: No one knows that Louis is dating Nick and Harry keeps trying to set Louis up on dates.)

A Blueprint In The Sand by iwanna_seeyou_undoit

“What are you doing here?”

“Hello Nick. Thanks for coming by. It’s good to see you.” Nick bloody Grimshaw is standing on Louis’ doorstep.

Or,

Louis is too sick to go to America for a week of press and the only person left to look after him in London is Nick.

Raspberries by silvered_glass

Nick's stuck nursing a broken heart, trying to run a club where he's hard pressed to say what's worse - the interior design or the vodka and to top it all off he's got a second in charge who resents him and is taking self management to new heights. Louis is Nick’s bar manager, he's great at fixing things up and sorting everyone out apart from himself.

Their friends want to see them get over themselves, but they've got nothing in common apart from their shitty club and a new-found interest in flooring.

Nothing at all..

play it just in case by nightwideopen

In which Louis likes Nick but tries to convince himself that he doesn't.

A Shimmering Balance Act (I Think that I Laughed at That) by pillarboxred

Nick's always hated it when things end. And unless something changes, one of those things might be his relationship with Louis.

You and I, We're Intergalactic by freethedoncastertwo

Louis is a cross-planetary traveller; an alien who crash-landed on Earth and has since been masquerading as a human boy-band member. Which is fine. Really. Or it would be, if not for the government-agent-come-radio-DJ who happens to be hot on Louis’ trail.

but tonight i need you to stay by firefall

“We could always fall in love,” Louis mumbles timidly, picking at his pajama pants. He squeezes his eyes shut as soon as the words leave his mouth.

“Yeah,” Nick answers quietly, which is not at all what Louis expected. He opens his eyes again, stunned. Nick just smiles ruefully and offers him a shrug. “I don’t think there’s much else we can do.”

Louis and Nick were enemies long before they were soulmates. It takes a little time to figure it out.

Hi, Hey There, Hello by usernicole

Louis can talk to animals. Nick can't, but he tries anyway. Louis likes that in a guy.

All Of Me Is Broken by fortymaliks

“Honestly, I don't know why I come here.”

“It's because of my excellent advice and counsel.” Nick grins, cheekily. Louis stands up from his chair, tugs his jacket onto his shoulder, laughing while he does it.

“My half-hour's up.”

“Oh,” Nick says, “so it is.”

(An AU in which Nick is a psychiatrist and Louis is one of his patients.)

How Many Ifs Make A Definite? (or, if you squint you see me) by lowi

Niall befriends an entire unit in five days, Harry is awfully sensitive when he's drunk and thinks the world is out to get him, Liam is Captain America, Zayn can't cook but brings lovely casseroles with him anyway.

Or, the one where Louis is in Afghanistan (and falls apart) and Nick is in London (and falls apart).

Been a Long Time Since Before I've Been Touched by nicalyse

Louis nuzzles up under Nick's jaw, pressing a kiss there, trailing his lips up to brush over Nick's earlobe. "Tonight?" he whispers, so soft.

Nick sinks his fingers into the hair at the back of Louis' head, scritching his fingers against Louis' scalp. He hums, brushing a kiss to Louis' temple. "All right." He knows that Louis is talking about the thing that they do now and again, not a game but not something they've given proper name to either. He always says yes when Louis asks; he loves it, too.

but it's better if you do by aliferuined

Louis definitely does not care about Nick's opinion of him. And Nick definitely is not obsessed with Louis.

ive been thinking lots about your mouth by nightwideopen

Nick hears Louis Tomlinson before he sees him.

i’m inside out, you’re underneath by nightwideopen

Nick knows that Louis is beautiful but he hates him anyway.

we're both of us to blame by nightwideopen

Louis is trapped in his hall closet with Nick Grimshaw.

divinely decreed and custom made by nightwideopen

Nick tucks himself into the corner, making himself as small as possible. Meanwhile, Louis kicks his feet up onto the adjacent empty seats, larger than life and reminding Nick how he's everything.

Like Him by dickviolin

“Where’s Sal?” Louis said. “Retired,” the man replied. Just like that, Louis thought. It’s strange how quickly things can change that you thought would always be the same. Or, the story of a long, hot summer and some chaffinches.

Louis is a scholarship student at a boarding school, about to fail his exams, Nick works in the local café and Liam is a birdwatcher.

Whisper in My Ear the Things You Want to Feel by alison

Tonight he's looking for something else, something that has nothing to do with Nick Grimshaw and everything to do with chain smoking alone on the dark, quiet patio.

maybe a little by imsosorry

“Are they starving you now?” Nick asks, frowning, pinching at Louis’s belly where there used to be a bit more meat.

“Don’t be a prat,” Louis says, batting his hand away. “You know they’ve got us working out, like, twice a day now. It’s a nightmare. And Haz completely banned junk food from the bus, because he’s become some new-age health maniac.”

Nick grins at the thought; Louis had fondly complained about Harry’s green-tea-drinking, yoga-doing, headband-wearing, barefoot ways ever since they started the U.S. tour. He blames Nick for turning his best friend into a “total hipster,” which is ridiculous, because Nick would never do yoga.

“Well,” Nick says thoughtfully, “S’long as your bum’s still all there.”

(Or, Louis comes home from America. Nick's waiting.)

i want every other freckle (orphan_account)

Louis Tomlinson is twenty-one years old and is too young to be having a Tinder induced quarter-life crisis over Nick G, 28, aubergine emoji enthusiast, and definitely not his type.

10am gare du nord by achapterends

Nick visits Paris, and he leaves with a promise.

A Waltz For A Night by sunsetmog

"Stop being so nice to me. I'm normally horrible to you. I've been horrible to you the last however many times we've seen each other."

"I just thought that was you flirting," Nick says. "Wasn't it?"

"No. I mean, yes, of course it was, but like, also, no. Oh, fuck. I fancied you rotten. I was trying to hide it."

Or: Louis finds someone who likes every bit of him, and who likes the same things he does. He just hadn't expected that person to be Nick Grimshaw.

It's Just You and I and This TV by secretspeller (actually gen, but I’m just leaving it here)

Nick couldn’t imagine Louis, in all his lionhearted prickly-mischievous pop-stardom, as the object of worry, but Harry sounded genuinely concerned so Nick gave in. “Fine,” he said, “I’ll look in on him after the show.”

always always always by just_in_cases

Louis' an artist, Nick doesn't get it.

We Were The Better Kind by yourpricelessadvice

Louis has everything how he wants it. His job is good, his family is well and he loves sharing a house with his boys: Niall destroys and Liam tidies, Zayn keeps them fed and Harry - well, he jams the plug hole with his long hair and brings his sarcastic, idiotic non-rent paying boss/friend Nick around far too much. But on his own, without an audience to play to, maybe Nick’s not so bad?

(Instead of slowing down, I just shine brighter.) by softly (alexenglish)

I think I’ve got fireflies where my caution should be.

something changed in the atmosphere (i could get used to this) by mrsenjolras

Nick decides to leave The Breakfast Show. Louis is just glad to get a lie in.

Tumblr Cats by aimmyarrowshigh

Dear neighbor,

This might sound ridiculous, but I thought that you should know that my dog is still madly in love with your cat… and has been for nearly a year! She spends all day on the windowseat in my house, looking across the gap to where your cat sits in the windowsill. It is the happiest time that she has.

Now that there are potted plants there, she is heartbroken. But she keeps looking for your cat everywhere. Maybe when he seemed so easy to find, she took him for granted. Not anymore, though.

Maybe your potted plants could move to another window?

Knead You Now by Writcraft

Harry used to be a baker, Louis definitely didn't and Nick just wants to know how the fuck they got into his kitchen.

Lost Boy by Writcraft

Louis is back in England. Nick doesn’t even know he cares until a chance meeting brings them together.

mid-sweet talk by lotts (LottieAnna)

Nick: theres a blow up mattress here Louis: just one? Nick: we thought it’d be over in a few hours!!! Louis: if you spoon greg james im breaking up with you

i'm gonna win this time by stars_on_the_ceiling

There was just breathing on the other end of the phone as Nick tried to get his eyes to focus on the clock by his bed. The number that had called him wasn’t in his contacts, but it was 3 a.m., he’d been dead asleep and he didn’t want to chance missing an emergency.

“Hello?” Nick tried again. His brain was starting to click on and he pulled the phone away to glance at the lit up screen. He didn’t even recognize the area code. Just his luck some prank caller or pervert had gotten his number and was getting their jollies off on waking him up in the middle of the fucking night. He was about to hang up, roll over and forget the whole thing when there was a hitch in the person’s breathing. It was tiny, but noticeable, a swallowed sob.

“Nick.”

The voice was not much more than a whisper. Nick caught an accent, and he almost recognized it. But his brain was still sleep-fogged, slow and lagging three paces behind. He pressed the heel of his hand into his eye and willed himself to blink out of the haze.

“It’s um… It’s…” the voice said and everything within him sharpened, pulled tight. He knew what was coming next. He’d placed the accent. “It’s um Louis. Tomlinson. Louis Tomlinson.”

(modern art is a) disaster area by mozartspiano

an au where louis is a street artist who started off as just a tagger, and tired, over-worked, underpaid cop!nick, who keeps letting louis get away with his art work

The front door's open if you're broken by loveheartlover

Nick is invited back to be a judge for X Factor 2018. He wasn't expecting Louis to be one too.

Or for the closeness being on the same panel brings.

The Underside is Lighter by silvered_glass

“On the radio, proper posh house, won’t let a man find his cross-peen when he leaves it here,” Louis interrupts.

Nick’s watching Louis’ lips move. They are still nicely shaped, that hasn’t changed from the other night. And he smells like cigarettes and shampoo, and fuck. He’s very fit and very close. “I can help you look for your cross-peen,” Nick answers, dazed. Louis’ face lights up and far-too late Nick realises that can’t be a good thing.

⛏

Nick's got a lovely new house and Louis' lost his hammer.

All I've ever had are love songs by icarusinflight

Things are finally coming together for Nick.

Nick is the DJ of his uni's radio stations, and he passively aggressively dedicates a song to Louis.

A Century of Lonely Nights by EmmyLouWho

“I’m a genie, remember,” Louis says, like that explains everything.

Being around Louis makes Nick feel like he’s constantly three steps behind. It’s a dizzying feeling, but not an entirely unpleasant one.

*

Nick was just trying to find Harry a quirky birthday present, but when he buys an antique bottle from a dusty shop, he gets more than he bargained for.

Raspberries by silvered_glass

Nick's stuck nursing a broken heart, trying to run a club where he's hard pressed to say what's worse - the interior design or the vodka and to top it all off he's got a second in charge who resents him and is taking self management to new heights. Louis is Nick’s bar manager, he's great at fixing things up and sorting everyone out apart from himself.

Their friends want to see them get over themselves, but they've got nothing in common apart from their shitty club and a new-found interest in flooring.

Nothing at all..

she's a good girl by 1000_directions

It's Pig's world -- Nick's just living in it.

[dezembergirl]

Tolv Poeng

The Eurovision AU literally no one asked for (Google Eurovision if you don’t know what it is!)

William vs. Noora, the UK vs. Norway;

Who will win, who will kiss, who will lose?

Skam - Noorhelm (and background Evak and Eva/Chris)

read on AO3

*feedback if you like it or think it’s trash would be greatly appreciated (already have all 9 chapters plotted btw)*

“This is an excerpt from something I wrote a while back. It’s not quite finished but it’s my thank you to you for being an incredible audience tonight,” Noora tucked the mic from its stand and for the last time that evening a hush fell over the crowd of onlookers.

“You shut me down, you like the control,”

Her fingers brushed the strings of her guitar as she settled into the rhythm.

“You speak to me like I’m a child,

try to hold it down, I know the answer,”

A whistle to her left broke through the crowd and she smiled before continuing.

“No, I can’t shake it off and you feel threatened by me,

I tried to play it nice but,

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don’t kill my vibe,”

Several people clapped and she blushed as she shifted her eyes from the floor to eye level with the audience. The first row was close enough for her to shake hands with the people currently listening with content smiles. The claps spurred her own and the smile on her lips grew with every beat.

“Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don’t break my stride

You think you’re so important to me, don’t you?”

She let her gaze wander over the crowd, squeezed into the small space between the bar and improvised stage she sat perched upon a bar stool. Most of them were students who took advantage of happy hour beer prices. Getting a feel for an audience was a crucial puzzle piece when it came to the success of a small gig like this, and Noora found there was a certain fascination with reading the people in front of her; maybe that was her parent’s psychological upbringing shining through.

She took a second to swallow and then spurred her guitar into the final verses.

“But I wanted you to know that you don’t belong here

You think you’re so important to me, don’t you?

Don’t kill my vibe”

With her eyes nailed to the ground she pursed her lips and after the usual moment of silence, the crowd echoed with cheers and more whistles. Careful to put her guitar down, she hopped off the stool and took in the applause. This would never get old, all the hard work and exhaustion after throwing out song after song was washed away in moments like this.

The bartender gave her a nod and flicked the overhead lights back on. Movement got into the audience as they pushed back into the seating area and towards the bar. A few lingered and one guy sporting a bald cut and neon orange sweater approached her.

“I saw your event on facebook and thought I’d check it out. Loved the last piece. You have a unique voice,” Noora mustered his face and then shook his outstretched hand. “My name is Eskild.”

“Hi, I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

This was the awkward part. She handled the cheers and applause just fine, but taking a personal compliment form strangers still tucked at her insecurities. The guy seemed chill and made a genuine impression but she had learned to be wary when it came to the unspoken expectations behind flattering words.

“I’m serious, you’ve got great potential!” the guy fiddled with his wallet and Noora felt the heat rise in her cheeks. “I work for NRK and you know what Eurovision is right?”

“Uhmm, yeah,” was all she managed and her confusion must have shown on her face because he let out a brief laugh.

“I’m scouting for the Melodie Grand Prix and I think you’d have a decent chance,” he said and pulled a paper card from his wallet.

Noora stared at him for a little longer than had been called for and quickly rectified the situation by pushing her hair behind her ears. Sure, every European knew Eurovision but she had never imagined herself ever participating. Neither had she watched Melodie Grand Prix - the Norwegian preselection - and she wasn’t sure it would be a wise path for her; cheap pop and cheesy acts, her parents had dubbed it years ago.

“I’m not sure the whole Eurovision thing is for me,” she avoided looking him directly in the eye and fiddled with a strand of hair instead.

“You don’t like Eurovision?” his brows shot up towards his non existing hairline and he pulled his lips into a pout. “I do take that personally.”

She couldn’t help but giggle at his face and he shot her a grin back.

“No, I mean I’m just indifferent. It’s okay I guess,” Noora said, a little flustered.

Apparently that had been the wrong choice of words because he was now tilting his head closer and narrowed his eyes. “This needs to be rectified! I suggest you go and look up a few videos on Youtube and if you still need some more convincing, you call me!”

He handed her his business card, “You don’t need to decide anything right away but if you make the right choice I’ll talk you through the next steps. Melodie Grand Prix would be happy to have you,” before she could protest he padded her shoulder and disappeared in the sea of people.

Left to her own devices, she stared at the wrinkled piece of cardboard. It read ‘Eskild Tryggvarson, Publicist and Social Media Consultant for NRK’. It looked authentic and before she could second guess herself she put it into the front pocket of her jeans; after all this was too big a chance for her to toss it to the trash.

But there was no time to mull over his proposal as Eva appeared at her side to help her pack away her stuff. Her beaten guitar case and the mic in tow, they pushed and shoved their way to a table the owner had reserved for her. Sana was already settled down with a pitcher of water and the bowl of complimentary pretzels.

“Awesome set tonight! And they seemed to love your new thing,” Eva said and slid into the seat between Noora and Sana, who looked up from her phone to give Noora a brisk smile.

“Yeah, it was a good crowd,” she took the water glass Sana had poured for her.

“Good might win you the understatement of the year. They went absolutely mad at the last chorus,” Eva smirked at her and than turned her face to nod at a passing waiter, apparently already familiar with the saving staff.

Feeling the same heat from a few minutes ago flare up again she puller the business card out and turned it between her fingers.

“Is that from the bald guy?” Sana squinted to read the name in the dimmed light. “What did he want?”

“He’s NRK and just offered me a spot to compete in the Melodie Grand Prix this year.”

“And you agreed right?” Eva studied her.

“Uhm no, I’m not sure it’s a good choice,” Noora reached for a pretzel and busied herself with picking the salt pieces off.

“Why the fuck not? It’s an amazing opportunity!” barring a scarily close resemblance to Eskild, Eva gawked at her. Sana said nothing but frowned.

“Just it’s a bit much with uni. It’s already November and I’d need to write and record a whole song before January. I don’t think I have the time right now,” the pretzel cracked in her hand and she popped it in her mouth with a defeated exhale.

“Bullshit,” this time it was Sana raising her voice, “You already have a half finished master piece and honestly forget uni. You’re twenty, you have enough time to get a degree afterwards.”

“Yeah, fuck uni,” Eva echoed, took her beer from the waiter and glared at her.

Noora huffed. She wasn’t stupid, she realized that Eskild might have just handed her an amazing opportunity on a silver platter. She probably had a slim chance at winning the preselection but the buzz even taking part would give her, might be that push she had been looking for. But like it or not, her weekend gigs could not cover the bills and she knew her parents’ opinion on her singing ambitions only too well. Participating in an Eurovision preselection would not go over well.

It made her feel like a child, being depended on her parents’ money and good graces. They had pushed her to get a business degree and even though Noora didn’t hate it as much as she had anticipated, it definitely wasn’t what she wanted to spend the rest of her life pursuing.

“My parents would freak.”

“Fuck them too,” Eva was gearing up for a fight, “It’s like two or three months and Sana’s right, you have your whole life to get that freaking degree after. Just tell them that!”

“Yeah, I’m sure that will sway them,” Noora gave them a lackluster smile. If only it were that easy, she would have already done it.

“Just you know, keep it to yourself. If you don’t win they might never have to know, and if you do I’m sure they’s be too proud to be mad,” Sana gave her a triumphant smirk and poured them each another round of water.

“My parents are not the kind to be swayed by winning a musical contest,” she traced the edges of the business card. “I just don’t want to break their trust.”

“I know my mom would’t mind you missing the rent for a few months, I honestly don’t think she’d even notice. So even if they cut you off or whatever, at least you’ll have a roof over your head.”

“The deli Elias is working at always let’s him take home the extras, so you definitely won’t starve either,” Sana added.

Noora smiled and pursed her lips, mulling it over in her head. Finally, she took a deep breath, “Just so you now, I’m blaming the two of you if I end up homeless on the street,” Noora pulled her phone out and dialed the number on the card.

——

“For fuck’s sake William, its past 12.”

The sound of a pillow colliding with something soft was followed by a muffled groan when Chris pulled up the bedroom blinds. The Oslo midday sun flooded the apartment and revealed the mess of limbs and uncombed hair splayed on the king sized bed. Chris moved through the mess of beer cans and plastic cups that formed a trail from the kitchen to the bed and forced a glass of water plus aspirin into William’s limp hand.

“Remind me again, why giving you a key was a smart idea?” he pulled his head from between the pillows and waited for his eyes to focus on his best friend slash publisher towering above his bed.

“Because you’re a man child and the label pays good bucks to keep you on schedule;” Chris dumped a duffle beg beside William and paced through the penthouse loft. It wasn’t huge but considering the real estate prices in Oslo it was probably worth more than his dying career at this point. The furnishing had been kept to a minimum to allow for maximal open space and light from the floor to sealing windows behind the couch. Today, the sky was clear and the deep blue waves were littered with boats and the ferries passing Aker Brygge like clockwork.

Tearing the aspirin open and pouring it into the glass in his current state required more concentration than he would have liked to admit and the thumping pain of his hangover made him lean back against the pillows. The party had seemed a good idea last night and the buzz of music mixed with alcohol and the usual Oslo gossip always got the better of him. Considering the amount of empty bottles and beer cans he was lucky Chris hadn’t found him in bed with some random chick.

Chris didn’t share that sentiment tough. “You honestly don’t deserve this apartment. Like this,” he gestured to the can and stains on the carpet, will take a day to clean.”

William glared and pulled one of the shirts from the duffle bag over his bare torso. The sent of fresh cotton and detergent clashed with his own; the stench of beer clung to his breath and his hair raked of smoke and weed. Wrinkling his nose, Chris pushed him into the kitchen and flicked the switch for the coffee machine.

“Look, you smell like a dumpster and you look worse”

“Thanks,” he huffed, but Chris continued, “But I’m here on a time sensitive matter. You remember the BBC proposal, yeah?”

William frowned for a seconded but followed up with a nod.

“They want an answer by five and the label is pushing for an agreement.”

Chris’ other bag produced a heap of pages he pulled onto the kitchen counter.

“I’m not doing it,” he picked at the top sheet of paper and regarded the title.

“Yeah, no shit. That’s why they sent me instead of your darling brother.”

Right, his brother had called seven time when he had last checked his phone yesterday. William had made a point of ignoring Nikolai since the incident last Monday. They had fought, that in itself was nothing unusual, but the whole disagreement had climaxed in his brother threatening to quit his contract with William’s record label - a successful London based one, famous in the pop scene. If it hadn’t been for the cops showing up to inquire about a neighbor’s noise complaint - the whole thing had taken place after 1 am - William might have actually punched him.

Having his brother as his manager had worked out well for one year and two number one hit singles. But with the decline in revenues, Nikolai had become more and more inpatient watching his younger brother blow all the money on parties and drugs. Every confrontation had ended in a fight and half a year later the record label had made the wise choice of sending Chris, his assigned publicist, instead of Nikolai.

“Whatever they’re offering, I’m not that desperate. It’s a singing competition for grandmas and gays,” he drowned the espresso in one go and winced when his throat burned from the hot liquid.

“You might change your mind after I tell you this,” Chris forced him down on one of the bar stools after brushing off a beer can. “They’re threatening to terminate your contract if you don’t agree. You don’t really have a choice.”

“On what grounds?”

“Do you really need to ask? You’ve been arrested four times for driving under the influence in three separate countries. You don’t keep deadlines. You punch people in public. You’re rude as fuck to your fans. Do you really want me to keep going?”

William narrowed his eyes but said nothing, instead he grabbed for the contract. “So this is my redemption story?”

“If you like, call it that, yeah. You need the publicity this will bring. You don’t even have to win or place top five, but we need your name out there and associated with something the fanbase can rally around.”

“And the label doesn’t think it’s weird for a Norwegian to represent the UK?”

“Honestly, they couldn’t care less. They have a long running relationship with the BBC and they think they you will draw on the Scandinavian voting pools,” Chris looked through the poorly stocked fridge and then placed a strawberry yogurt in front of William. “Anyway, you’re a dual citizen spending most of your time in London as it is, so I don’t think that should be your biggest issue right now.”

“I haven’t even agreed yet”

“Well, until you do. They have sent over song proposals,” he handed him the iPad. “Just pick the one you hate the least and we’ll make it work. They’ve had a whole team of songwriters work on them for the last month, so you know, don’t fuck it up.”

William pressed his knuckled to his temples with an exasperated groan.

-

Three months later Noora hit the finishing note and the strings of her guitar buzzed under her fingers. The crowd goes wild and the grin that has spread over her face broke the weight she had been carrying since November from her shoulders. The breaths broke from her lungs in a ragged rhythm, short and closer to hick ups than proper exhales and she gives the crowd one last wave “Thank you! Thank you so much!”

“This was number 5, Noora with ‘Don’t kill my Vibe’,” the announcer boomed through a sold out Oslo Spektrum and one of the assistant helped her off stage. Her head spun with the blue tinted stage lights and the cheers and claps echoing off the walls. The girl carrying her guitar fired commands over her had set and showed Noora back to her dressing room with a curt smile, “The winner will be announced in two hours, be ready.”

Her nerves were slow to adjust as she dropped into the couch and pulled her fingers through her hair. The tingling sensation pulsed in her body and it took half the bottle of lukewarm coke to compensate for the adrenalin raving havoc in her system. It had gone well, better than she had dared to hope and the realization that this might have been it, her final performance on such a huge stage, brought her mind to a halt.

The last minutes before her performance had been the worse. Stage fright was nothing new, a sensation that had followed her to every bar gig and in front of audiences smaller than the average school class room. The sensations came back to her, her finger tips had been numb and her mouth dry, making every swallow a fight against her throat. Eva had kept prodding at her hair and clothes.

Noora had insisted on choosing the outfit herself. The blush coloured blouse had been tucked into her go to pair of high waisted jeans with black booties borrowed from Eva. Compared to the glimpses of her fellow competitors she had caught at rehearsals, she was direly underdressed. The others sported dresses covered in sequins or body con suits shimmering in rainbows colours. Eva had argued that a simple dress to show off her legs would be an appropriate compromise but after trying on two dozen and Noora grimacing at every single garment she had been forced to agree to Noora’s original choice. She had turned down Sana’s offer in assisting her with make up as well and had gone for a bare face save for her red lip - Eva claimed it was her trade mark and Noora was inclined to agree.

“Honestly, the average teen girl in the audience looks more stage ready than you but I’ll let it slide if you kill the vocals,” Eskild had said to her before whisking Eva and Sana away and pushing Noora onto the stage. “Good luck, honey. You’re rocking this!”

“Killed the vocals, indeed you did,” present moment Eskild burst through the door and pulled her out of her thoughts. Eva and Sana were half a pace behind, red faced and panting. She had spotted them in the audience over at the seated section during her song. They must have rounded the whole stage - a rectangle shaped platform that spearheaded into the dancing crowd with its front corner - and sprinted up two sets of stairs to reach her dressing room only minutes after her.

“If you win, you’re handing the fashion decisions over to an actual stylist though,” Eva slumped down next to her and took a healthy sip of her beer. Noora giggled and gave her friend a friendly nudge to the abdomen.

Sana took the floor and tapped away on her phone. “Twitter loved you, and you’re rising with the bookmakers too,” she pulled up a betting page and showed it Noora. “I wouldn’t make any betts about winning with Eva if I were you. It’s not actually that unlikely.”

Noora pursed her lips and fixed her eyes on the ceiling. Of course she had played with the though before, how cool it would be to actually go to Sweden as Norway’s representative but those daydreams were like playing with wildfire. The rush the audience had given her still lingered in her veins and the pride of making a hall filled with thousands of people scream and cheer was addictive in the way she imagined drug users to ache after the next high.

She didn’t dare getting her hopes up now only to have to have it all ripped away later. She was a bad liar and even worse actress, so hiding her disappointment in front of a live television audience when someone else won would only end in tears.

She decided on giving Eskild and her friends the room to make bets and spin ideas about the aftermath of a possible win and plugged her earphones in. The music calmed her nerves and with her eyes closed she could pretend to be in the privacy of her own room stretched out on her bed with a peaceful evening to look forward to.

-

Two hours later Oslo Spektrum thumped with nervous energy and Noora seriously considered throwing up. But as Sana had put it, this was it and there was no backing out now, not that she could have. She found herself wedged in the line up of contestants between a trio of boys, all easily a head taller than herself, and a girl in the most pompous back dress, complete with feathers and sequins.

The hosts, a ginger haired women and a man clad in a smart cut suit, were making chit chat with the audience. They had gone for the last advertisement break of the evening and with every passing minute her chest tightened, as if she had been laced into an invisible corset. Several of the other contestants picked at their dresses or shifted on their feet. The minutes dragged out endlessly and there was an unanimous exhale when the lights dimmed and the music shifted into a fast paced beat.

“So, this is it. We’ve heard all ten songs. We’ve added up all the votes and we’re ready to announce a winner,” the audience cheered and Noora felt her palms wetten.

“We will announce the three acts with the most votes and ask them to step forward,” the music slowed and transitioned into a low hum that made the hairs on her neck stand. “Please take a step forward,” the ginger one smiled and paused for suspense before winking at a side camera. “Emma”

Further down the line a girl with pillowy long hair and the kind of short black dress Eva would have loved for Noora to wear was getting her close up. The others gave her friendly smiles and she was ushered forward.

It took more chit chat with Emma and another suspenseful pause before the man took over the microphone and the camera panned along the line of contestants.

“Noora” his voice boomed and she felt her heart explode. The cheer pulsed in her head and she let the hosts pull her forward next to Emma who gave her a hug.

“How do you feel Noora?” the female host held out her microphone and Noora found the familiar sensation of stage fright creep into her dazed brain.

“Uhm, nervous,” in a clearer mental state she would have smacked herself over the head for that answer. But a few people laughed and one guy whistled. She was hardly paying attention when the third finalists, the group of boys, were called out and took their places to her right.

“Three outstanding acts, three deserving winner. Let’s hear a round of applause for Emma, Noora and the gentleman of ‘Bergen3’,” the audience clapped.

“But now, we will reveal the winner of Norge’s Melodie Grand Prix 2018, the act that will represent Norway on the Eurovision stage in May.”

“Who will be packing their bags for Stockholm?” the male host echoed. Noora would have gladly strangled the person in charge of the music. The humming background noise had ebbed away and been replaced by an beat that was modeled to sound like a human heart struggling with a tachycardic rhythm.

“The winner is,” the audience filled the following silence with suggestions of their own.

“Noora, with ‘Don’t kill my Vibe’.” a confetti erupted around the stage and feeling her fingers go numb for the second time this night Noora was hard pressed to keep inhaling and exhaling air from her lungs. Her legs felt as steady as jelly and the impulse to sink to her knees overwhelmed her. Before she had the chance to collapse into an ungraceful puddle on the confetti covered floor, the ginger haired women steadied her with both arms.

“Congratulations!” someone pulled her into a hug and she weakly reciprocated the motions. Her eyes blurred with confetti, buzzing lights and a wet seam of tears.

People moved in and out of her field of vision and after a disorienting few minutes she found herself in Eva’s arms. “Can’t believe,” she hiccuped, “that you actually won!” Noora’s watering eyes paled in comparison to the wet mess of make up and tears sliding down her friend’s face.

Sana and an ecstatic Eskild joined their group hug and screamed into her right ear.

“You’re going to Eurovision. We’re going to Eurovision, I’m going to Eurovision.”

The rest of the night muddled into a blur of faces and congratulatory voices. The only things that stuck with her were the same assistant from before instructing her on the tight interview and meeting schedule for tomorrow and a text from her parents.

“What are they saying?” Sana beamed at her when she unlocked her phone to over 50 new messages.

The smile slid from Noora’s face when she read her mom’s text out loud.

“Call us now!”

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK]

NOTE: Apologies for how caustic Kim is at the beginning of this bit haha. Also, rest in peace, Chester Bennington.

You'll probably think I'm being a super lazy storyteller when I start out with "And that's how it went for a week or so." Fuck you, I do what I want. Besides, I'm going to give you some summary stuff, so don't get too bent out of shape.

And that's how it went for a week or so. Knives would disappear for a couple days, then pop back into my life to just chat and hang out, come with me to the library or work, digging through albums at Sonic Boom. Literally a stray dog. None of my attempts to be acerbic and grumpy could drive her off. Sometimes she wanted to get food together, sometimes she wouldn't bring it up. Eventually, she stopped asking about the "challenges" though, which was fine since there weren't any. One thing I had to wonder about, though…

She never invited herself back to my apartment, or asked me to go to her place. Probably the second one is because she's living with her parents while on break from uni. But it was weird; she was spending all this extra time finding me and following me, wanting to have enforced bonding time, but never wanted to see where I lived or make the night longer. It's not so much that I was disappointed by that, of course. Just surprised. Like people who jumbo-size their fast food meal, then order a diet soda. Why go for broke with the eats but then stop short on the drink? Just not logic that I can follow.

Anyway, that was about it until the night Steph and I were going to play an actual show instead of being stuck in the corner of a café. I hadn't been thinking too much about it, because to be honest, the idea of playing this kind of music in front of an audience that actually came specifically to hear live music was terrifying. It took all night for me to psych myself up to not chicken out, since this wasn't exactly my comfort zone with live performance.

"We can do this," she was whispering backstage as we waited anxiously for the emcee to call for us. "We can. We totally can, and we totally will."

"You're going to talk both of us out of it at this rate."

"Shhh." Adjusting her ironic beret, she glanced over at me. "Almost showtime, that guy with the six harmonicas seems close to done."

Nodding, I pushed my coppery bangs out of my face. They were growing out, and finally just long enough that they were almost normal hair. I was just sick of bangs. "Yeah."

"You okay?"

My entire body bristled. "What? Fine. Shut up."

"You've been kind of weird since last week at the Other Cup. Like… we don't talk much outside of band prac-"

"I really don't want to, either," I lied. Sure, it'd be nice to have someone besides the hyper ninja chick to talk to, but Steph didn't have to offer friendship out of pity. We were both above that.

"Suit yourself. Oh, this is us."

Shaking off the vague feeling of nausea, I made myself follow her out onto the tiny stage. The announcer just said our names and encouraged the audience to "give it up", which they did, politely and quietly. We didn't have a band name yet since Steph said she was "over labels" and I didn't want to argue with her. Naming it would be accepting that this was actually the shitty excuse for a band that I was currently part of. The latest of many.

"This one's called 'Garland of Cornelia'," she said into the mic. "And it goes a little something like this."

What a cheeseball.

We played our set, and people actually didn't boo us off. We sounded as good as we possibly could given the kind of crap Steph writes, and dare I say it, we might have been ready for the big time if we could find a flautist. Or a thereminist; that seemed about right for this pretentious bullshit. It made my skin crawl and I really wanted someone else to be playing the bongos instead of me, since really she could play bongos as well as I can — just not at the same time as the zither. But I could fill in with her for now until she found someone who hated the music less than me. Or until I found another rock outfit that wouldn't implode like the others.

Part of the gig was that we got free drinks after our set, so after more polite applause I literally only took enough time to shove my bongos into the bag before heading straight for the bar. "Steam Whistle."

"Can I see some ID?"

"Cute." But the bartender just stared me straight in the face, and he didn't look like the type to mess around. Shrugging, I got it out and showed him, and he got me a beer.

I'd barely had enough time to get two sips in before I spotted Knives at the corner of the bar, far away and close to the door. She wasn't with anybody, and she wasn't looking at me either when I first spotted her. Maybe it was a wild coincidence.

Or maybe the way she did catch me looking at her, gulped, and sprinted for the door meant that it wasn't anything close to a coincidence.

Of course I ran after her. When somebody runs away, it's only natural to want to chase them down and figure out why, isn't it? But when I got outside, she was nowhere to be seen. I thought about trying to follow, asking if anyone saw a speeding Chinese puppy-girl and which way she went, but everybody on that street was either wasted or sleeping it off in doorways. No sense in wasting my time. Disgusted, I turned and went back inside.

What did she want from me? Why didn't she wait? The whole thing was so ridiculously confusing that I focused on downing as much beer as possible for a minute or two.

"What did I miss?" Steph asked when she caught up to me, picking up on my bad mood before she even sat down.

"Life is stupid."

"We weren't that bad. They actually clapped a little. Some of them, anyway."

"Not that. Just… nevermind, I should probably go home."

Her elbow bumped mine on the bar. "Don't be like that. I actually don't hate you, even if the feeling isn't mutual."

"Maybe it should be mutual. Hatred, I mean; just… whatever." My head slumped forward until it connected with the bar. "I'm trying not to care about something that doesn't deserve to be cared about in the first place."

"What's that?"

Another sigh. "The girl from Delicious Cup."

"Oh. You and her are a thing?"

"WHAT? No. Don't jump to conclusions." My hands gently spun the empty pint glass. "She made this proclamation that she's my 'bff' now, I guess. Even though I don't care. Anyway… she was here tonight."

"She came to hear us? That's pretty decent of her."

"No, it's weird. I never told her about this show. How did she know to come see us?"

When I peeked at Steph, I saw one of her eyebrows was raised as she ordered us two more beers. "Uhh, could be the marquee out front that said 'Steph Nordegraf and Kim Pine'? Just a tiny clue."

"Those letters are so tiny, though. Unless she's walking around with a microscope in her bag…"

"Look." The beers arrived, and we both paused to take a swig before she continued, "She clearly looks up to you. Younger girl, right? She needs a role model or something like that. Happens all the time, teenagers latch onto women who are still young enough to be 'friends' but not old enough to be a second mother, and kinda… you know, that word for imitation being the sincerest form of flattery, that thing?"

"Emulate," I guessed.

"Yeah, that's it. Probably all there is to it. Kind of a feather in your cap, if she wants to be like you even with you being the way you are. Don't worry about everything so much."

"And what way am I, exactly?" The point had been to put her on the defensive and shut her down, but of course, it didn't work because nobody takes me seriously anymore. She didn't even hesitate to answer before taking another drink.

"An asshole."

"Thanks."

                                              ~ o ~

"Hey!" Knives said cheerfully as she bounced into No-Account the next day.

"What were you doing at Cameron last night?"

She literally froze in mid-high five. Which I hadn't raised my hand to return, anyway; I wanted answers before we moved along to pleasantries. "Uh… what?"

"You were there. I saw you run out."

"Nahhhhh," she drawled out, very slowly thawing from her frozen pose and tucking her non-high-fived hand behind her back with its twin. "That was the other girl."

"What other girl?"

"I don't know? Not me, that's for sure. Why would I be at Cameron House?"

"Because you're stalking me. We kind of already established that part."

Wilting, she finally leaned against the counter and gave me the puppy-dog eyes. "Am not. Well… not that bad, I don't spy through your bedroom window or anything at night. Just wanna see what you do with your days."

"You could have asked to come along."

"How? You didn't tell me you were playing."

The slight pout won me over, and I sighed. "Fine. Just forget it."

"You guys were good, though! Weird, but good. What do you call that kind of music?"

"Trainwreck."

"Trainwreck, huh?" she asked, again missing that I was being facetious. "It's kinda like, soothing, except for Steph's lyrics are brutal in that Nineties lesbian way."

My eyebrows twitched upward a little. "What do you know about Nineties lesbians?"

"N-nothing, except for Ellen," she laughed nervously. "But the music, I mean… I've been trying to learn about music more. Started because of Sex Bob-omb, but then I kinda started branching out from there."

Rolling my eyes, I grunted, "Nobody should start learning anything because of Sex Bob-omb. Those two demos floating around online are going to forever haunt me."

"They were good! You guys rocked, you just… drifted apart."

Knives looked sad. Like, genuinely sad that everything changed, the way high schoolers usually do right after graduation, or — gee, look at that — after their first year of college. Pathetic and dejected, her sweet little face the picture of a child who had lost their favourite toy and finally figured out it wasn't coming back. Maybe that's why I reached up to lay a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey… we sucked. Not worth getting upset over."

"But you didn't suck. I liked it…"

"You just admitted you didn't know much about music before hearing us. Like… angsty young Kim was listening to Linkin Park constantly in junior high, and now I think they're shit. But that nostalgia factor makes me stop myself from completely hating them. You know?"

"Awww," Knives cooed, momentarily distracted. "Angsty young Kim…"

"Shut up. But you get what I'm saying?"

"Yeah." Her hand came up to wipe her eyes. Had she been crying?! I hadn't noticed because no actual tears fell, and she was looking down and pouting. But now when she looked upward with a slight smile, patting my hand, I could see how shiny her eyes were. "Thanks, I guess. Still liked you guys together, though, but… I guess…"

Swallowing hard, I jerked my hand away. The whole 'emoting' thing made me very uncomfortable. But then I winced when I saw her wince. We both ended up doing a lot of wincing lately. I had to smooth that over somehow.

"Um… you can pick the next movie. Got just enough time for it before my shift is up."

Clearing her throat, she grinned up at me, and the signs that she had been crying were way too clear to ignore. It hurt for some stupid reason. "Cool. But I know even less about movies than about music, so… I dunno. That zombie movie?"

"It's not even real," I sighed, looking over at the new releases. Which were still from forever ago.

"Oh? Well then… 'Action Doctor'?"

"Sounds lame. What about 'It Came From Subspace'?"

"That could be cool… what's it about?"

"Hell if I know. But it's a movie, and I haven't seen it yet, either."

That was what we watched. And the whole time, I found myself looking over at Knives and trying to figure out why she was there. Why she cared so much about whether or not I cared the same amount as her about the implosion of the Bob-omb. Why I cared whether or not she cared. Just this annoying circle of caring that made me want to pull my hair out.

About halfway through, she caught me staring. "What?"

"Just… wondered if you wanted a drink." It was the only excuse I could think of.

"Nah. I'm good. Do you?"

"Nah."

"Do you want something else?"

Even though I felt like I might, like to ask her again why she felt it was so important to watch me and Steph play, or any of those caring-related questions that had been spinning through my head, all I did was shrug. That was simpler. Safer. Less threatening to my grumpy way of life.

But definitely not 'better'. And it was getting harder and harder not to admit that.

                                               To Be Continued…

[tkuhnhackl]

1-70

i can’t tell if i love you or hate you rn but i really don’t want to do anymore work on this placement nonsense so we’ll go with the former, thanks

i’m stupid enough to actually do all these but i will put them under a read more to spare y’all

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? yeah, i’m really close to both of them. we’re all a little nuts in the family, but in the best way.02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? my mom, when talking to her on the phone on the way back from work today (well, technically i said “love ya, shorty” because my family is not good at sentimentality without a little bit of roasting but close enough, i suppose)03: Do you regret anything? I already answered this!04: Are you insecure? I guess? It’s weird - I’m very comfortable with who I am, that sort of stuff, but things that have happened in the past have made me insecure about aspects of myself - so I suppose my answer is that i’ve become fairly good at disguising my insecurities over time05: What is your relationship status? single af06: How do you want to die? quickly, fairly painlessly, in a blaze of glory - there’s one Brian Jacques novel where the Long Patrol hares mount a final charge to stall the enemy and 8 year old me was absolutely ready to go out wielding a longsword in one hand and a sgian dubh in the other and tbh i’m still lowkey up for it07: What did you last eat? i had tacos for dinner with homemade barbacoa beef (i froze half of it when i made it back in february so i am finally treating myself to the rest of it)08: Played any sports? baseball, softball, basketball, tennis, and soccer/football. i also did field hockey briefly and ran track and field (primarily hurdles) for a year; i wanted to do short track speed skating but my parents were too worried about my safety09: Do you bite your nails? yup, i’ve tried for years to break the habit but every time i get stressed, it happens again10: When was your last physical fight? i’ve never been in a full-on fight; probably high school was the last time that anything even came close to that level and it was still not particularly close11: Do you like someone? already answered this one too!12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? once? usually i end up taking a nap, even if just for an hour, so it rarely ends up being 48 consecutive hours13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? i mean, on an impersonal level, there are famous people i despise. in my own personal life, there are a handful of people that i dislike enough to perhaps call hate but i also don’t believe in wasting my time being angry with them if they’re not even in my life anymore14: Do you miss someone? answered this one as well!15: Have any pets? the loves of my life, my dog Flora and my parents’ dog Liam. also the spider who lives in the corner of my room because sometimes it’s nice to pretend that counts as having company16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? tired, overwhelmed, ready for another vacation, helpless, frustrated, but also hopeful because i’ve got three potential job leads that came up this week (but can’t be followed up on until I return home in Sept)17: Ever made out in the bathroom? nope18: Are you scared of spiders? no, i love spiders as long as they don’t encroach on my personal space19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? as an art history person, absolutely. there are a lot of questions that i had to leave unanswered in my research papers and i’d love to just be able to ask the artists in person (and maybe punch picasso and jackson pollock and tell bierstadt to calm down a bit with the entire congress incident because no one cares about those pictures anymore)20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? a dorm room (idk if it counts as a snog but we’re counting it nonetheless)21: What are your plans for this weekend? finish getting my portfolio done for this placement and hopefully book another trip for next weekend22: Do you want to have kids? How many? i definitely do not want to birth any children, but i’d certainly be open to adopting later in my life should my life lead me in a direction where i feel ready, able, and willing to open my heart and home to a kid. probably only one, definitely no more than 2.23: Do you have piercings? How many? two ear piercings, i used to have my nose pierced but that ripped out in a very painful moment and i’m waiting for it to heal completely before i get it repierced24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? i was a fucking nerd in high school; i think the only subject i struggled a bit in was physics and that’s just because i don’t like theory - in uni, i took classes in a bunch of different departments, but my best ones were art history and anthropology25: Do you miss anyone from your past? answered this as well!26: What are you craving right now? poutine from the Yard, good Knights hockey, a brain that functions in a healthier way, and an end to my writing block27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? i don’t think so? i mean, i feel like it’s highly unlikely28: Have you ever been cheated on? can’t happen if you’re not even in the game 😏29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? see above answer30: What’s irritating you right now? my flatmates, the other work placement who won’t shut up and insists on using the library computer with the cataloging software despite me reserving it, my professors’ general incompetence, international politics31: Does somebody love you? romantically, no, unless the cheesemonger’s really committed to our non-existent relationship. but i’d like to think my close friends and family do (otherwise the love you’s we exchange at the end of conversations are awkward now)32: What is your favourite color? russets and other earth tones33: Do you have trust issues? hahahahahaha yes34: Who/what was your last dream about? i don’t actually remember? i know i woke up disoriented a few nights ago because it was something realistic but idk what i actually dreamed about35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? i cried in front of my mom on skype recently; in person, also probably my mother when she visited a few months ago (moral of the story is that i refuse to cry in front of anyone that’s not family)36: Do you give out second chances too easily? depending on what happened, i really don’t do second chances at all. i’m an expert at putting things in my past and, while i don’t often burn bridges, i’m more than happy to let them fall into ruin on their own 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? to forgive is easy (depending on what was done), but forgetting is much, much harder38: Is this year the best year of your life? depending on my paper grades and this dissertation and whether or not someone wants to hire me, it could well be, but it sure as hell does not feel like it39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 1840: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? no way in hell51: Favourite food? beans and rice52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? not really - i do believe that every experience is one that can be learned from and every one has some sort of value, but i believe that the “happens for a reason” idea ascribes more sentience to the universe than i like53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? did my daily duolingo requirements so that the owl didn’t show up in my bedroom and murder me54: Is cheating ever okay? no, i don’t think there can be any sort of justification for betraying someone’s trust55: Are you mean? not particularly, i can be if i need to be but i prefer not to (i prefer to go for the ‘asian mom threatening glare’ that i have inherited from my mother)56: How many people have you fist fought? zero; for all its portrayals on tv and movies, my experience in american public school had absolutely no physical fights57: Do you believe in true love? no, i find that the concept can be so limiting and people feel pressure to find some ideal that may not really exist (i’m not a romantic in any way, shape, or form whoops)58: Favourite weather? spring, when it’s right on the edge of summer, so it’s warm enough that you can wear absolutely anything and still be comfortable, and the birds are nesting and the flowers are blooming, and the world just feels so alive59: Do you like the snow? yes, but my sad frostbitten toes can no longer handle the cold so i must now limit my time in the snow so i don’t lose them completely60: Do you wanna get married? i wouldn’t say i want to get married; if i find someone and we end up getting married, great. if i stay single the rest of my life, also great. it’s one of those things that i don’t feel is a necessity to make my life complete, but i’m not necessarily opposed to it either if it happens. I have so many things on my bucket list for life, but romance has never been on it.61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? i will accept “babe” but will not accept baby unless it’s followed by giraffe. 62: What makes you happy? dogs that wag their tail a little faster when they see you, the way puffins fly and land, the sound and sight of sea birds reuniting with their partners after spending the last year apart, lilies of the valley beginning to peek out as the seasons change, fruits and veg picked straight from my garden, good food, excel spreadsheets, being the only one in a gallery in a museum and getting to be alone with the art, sharks that challenge our perspectives on what sharks are supposed to be and do, my sports teams winning63: Would you change your name? no. for a long time, i did because it’s always getting mispronounced and, when you go to a predominantly white school district, it’s always hard to be the one kid with an obviously non-white name. but also my last name means ‘king of snakes’ and fuck if anyone’s taking that away from me64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? nope, she remains very dear to me65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? run screaming for the hills, catch me sailing out to shetland on the next ferry because that’s a conversation i don’t want to have66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? yeah, i don’t really believe in having close friends that i cannot act my complete self around, regardless of gender67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? my dad? non-family, the regimental representative at the museum i work at, who’s basically my work dad (who i cook for because i worry about his health)68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? i avoid all deep emotional conversations, so it’d probably be my parents (specifically my mother because my dad is like me). but i did have a deep conversation about politics and race with a girl i met on my trip this weekend up north69: Do you believe in soulmates? answered this as well70: Is there anyone you would die for? absolutely

[babylon-bitch]

Just Friends ~ Filled With Guilt And Sadness (part 30)

*trigger warning*

A/N: depression and self harm is something I’ve suffered with throughout the years. I didn’t just add that into the story for story or romantic purposes, I’ve suffered with it couple of years. I’m a lot better and happier now than I ever have been, and I’m so greatful for the people around me, as well as this whole community. I included this aspect of life into the story to raise awareness to the subject and to help people who are suffering right now. An important message: it does get better, it may not feel like it, just trust me. Give yourself some time, surround yourself with great people or get rid of the people that are making your life a dark misery. Please feel free to come talk to me about anything on your mind.

Harper White is best friends with Luke Hemmings, they always have been. Not only is she friends with the rockstar, but with the rest of 5 Seconds Of Summer, as well as a really nice girl named Erika.

Harper has a few secrets, she can play all the instruments the boys play and many more. It’s a talent she has kept hidden, only very few people know.

What will happen to the six teens, wondering around the world together?

Warnings: mentions of depression, self harm, swearing

***

I can’t do this anymore. I’m fucking miserable, I feel like I take the life out of every room when I walk in. I feel like I will never be happy again. Everything is so dull and everything aches. It’s like I want to get up but don’t have the energy or I can’t get motivated. A couple of weeks ago, the Sun was finally coming out again, but it’s gone back to dreary grey days. I don’t know if I can go on.

I’ve been in England for about a week and a bit. I’ve gone and seen the therapist Lauren told me about, and she is a really kind person. I love it but at the same time I absoloutly hate it. She helps me but as soon as I step out the building, everything sinks again. I had one other therapist in my life but he didn’t really know what he was doing, and my mum dragged me to go see him when he did fuck all.

I’ve gone and looked at universities whilst I’ve been here, got my eye set on a couple. I visited my brothers and Evie the other day whilst I was looking around a university, not the same one though, they were in the same area whilst I was on my way, popped over to their apartments and we caught up for a while. Evie did the loudest squeal when I told her about me and Luke, I think I’ve gone partially deaf in one ear.

The guys come home today I think, and I feel guilty that I’m not gonna be there. I know, I just know Luke is going to be bursting with excitement, but then when he finds out his best friend isn’t going to be their he will be a little upset. I think he knows I’ve done a ‘runner’, I think Luke has a clue where I am, but I’m not entirely sure.

I miss him so much. I knew I’d miss him but I didn’t think this much. It feels like he is the only one that can help me and I feel like he knows that.

I’m planing on going back home soon, I’m just trying to brace myself for the interrogation, especially if the boys are back. They all have a right to question me, I get that, I’m just not prepared.

Would it be bad if I got home and didn’t say anything for a couple of days?

It’s been alright here though, seeing family again, that made a real smile form on my face.

When we all got home from the club the other day, we stayed at my house and I had one of the worst hangovers ever. I literally drank all my problems away. I didn’t get a tattoo this time though. We ended up doing a pub crawl and that really wasn’t wise. I’m surprised my legs haven’t fallen off from all the grinding I did, I didn’t grind with other people, just Delilah and Laura, and a couple of times with Elliot.

I did some bad stuff that night, I did some drugs, some I don’t even know what they were. Just anything to escape from reality, but it was only like fog. Yeah, the drugs had their effects, but I didnt quite escape from reality. I could still sense reality, it was like a fog blanket but I could still see through it, and that made me go onto the more hard-core stuff.

The others did it with me, so I wasn’t just on my own, going on a wild goose chase. I was in a pretty bad shape for the next couple of hours.

I haven’t become some drug addict, that was just a one off and I don’t plan on doing anymore anytime soon.

It wasn’t my best moment.

I’m currently round Lauren’s house, once again. Of course I didn’t tell her what I did, I told her I went for a night out and that’s all she knows. She might’ve told my parents and I would never be allowed to come back on my own for a while.

Understandably so.

“So I was thinking of going back home soon.” I claim.

“Oh really? When?” She questions.

“Next few days probably, I’ve had my time and its not fair to leave my friends out of the loop, especially Luke.” I tell her.

“Are you ready?” She asks.

“I haven’t really got a choice, I’ve got school. I already feel bad for not being there when the guys come home today. Should I feel this guilty?”

“Honey, I’ve told you this before, and I’m gonna tell you again, put yourself first!” She chuckles.

“I can’t, but I’m alright with it.” I shrug.

“Okay, but just keep that advice.” She smiles.

“Yeah, well it’s Friday now, I’ll probably leave tomorrow evening.” I explain.

“Alright, do you want me to drop you off at the station?” She offers.

“Oh that would be great! Thank you.” I give her a small smile.

“Anytime,” Lauren smiles, “What time is your flight?”

“I was looking at some this morning, there’s one at 8:25. You have to be at the airport 3 hours prior on a long haul flight, it takes an hour to get from Brighton to London, so we’ll have to leave at half three to get to the station in time. Ugh traveling is so stressful.”

“Looks like you’ve got it all planned out then,” Lauren says. “When is the next time you’ll visit?”

“I don’t know, maybe in a couple of months, I might have some uni stuff to sort out.”

“Are you sure that’s the one you want to go to?” She questions.

“Yeah, nice area, one of the best in the country. I’m just not entirely sure if I want to study philosophy. It’s either philosophy or psychology, maybe even business studies,” I sigh. “All I’ve gotta do next is choose the right course and get the grades for it.”

“You would do good at philosophy I think, but I’m not exactly sure what you can do with that degree.”

“That’s what stumped me, of course there are things you can do with it, but nothing I’m interested in. I’m not even sure if I will do anything with my degree, I’ll probably just carry on with YouTube.” I explain.

“Who says you even have to go?”

“My parents, I don’t want to disappoint them, although I kinda already have.” I say.

“How?” She questions.

“I’m fucked up. A lot more fucked up than they think.” I shrug.

Luke’s p.o.v.

We are heading home today, and I’m excited to come home and see everyone. Also at the same time I’m worried as shit.

Harper.

Just one word to explain it all. I’m worried about her and I’m worried about our relationship.

I highly doubt that she’ll be here, but a part of me hopes it’ll be like some clichè romantic movie and she is actually there and we live happily ever after. It’ll never happen though.

We’ve all decided to meet up at Ashton’s house. All of our friends and family should be at Ashton’s house, so it’s just a little get together. Someone will be missing though.

Why am I so affected by this?

We’re currently on our way, just coming up Ashton’s road. “You ready boys?” Calum’s sister ask.

“Yep, thanks up for the lift Mali.” Ashton grins.

“Uh, just be prepared, all the mums are really excited.” She warns.

We all climb out the car and make our way up the driveway. Calum knocks on the door and it opens within seconds. “Mum!” Michael grins and hugs her.

“Hello.” She laughs and hugs him back.

The rest of us walk in and hug our own mums. “Everyone else is in the garden.” My mum tells us.

“I was gonna say, so much for a gathering.” Calum laughs.

I walk through to the kitchen and out the back door and into the garden, all of a sudden everyone cheers.

A smile makes its way on my face as I see everyone. “Guys!” Erika shrieks and throws herself at Ashton. He catches her and she wraps her legs around his waist while his arms go around her waist, they talk to each other for a couple of seconds before she detached herself and hugs Michael.

Soon enough she comes to me and I wrap my arms around her shoulders. “How have you been?” I ask.

“Alright, missed you guys though, how about you?” She asks.

“Okay I guess,” Erika gives me a sympathetic smile before hugging me again.

“Well, I better not hold you up, go say hello to everyone.” She says and pats me on the back.

“Speak to you later.” I smile and kiss her head.

I’ve said hello to everyone here and I’ve been having a great time, that one person didn’t show up though. I didn’t really expect any different to be honest. I just miss her so much, things aren’t the same without her.

We’re currently sitting in some chairs drinking some beers, thinking back the whole tour.

I’m going to miss it, I just have stuff to sort out.

I remeber when Harper and I sat on top of the roof, watching the sunset then all the stars. I just turned 17 a couple of days ago, she had her head resting on my shoulder and I had my arm around her. We had our hoodies over our knees because it was quite chilly.

I so very nearly kissed her that night. She was looking up at me so I looked down at her, as I turned our noses brushed and she giggled. My eyes trailed down to her lips then back up to her eyes, she definitely knew what I was looking at. I was about to lean in but I thought about all the possibilities that could go wrong. So I opted for just kissing her nose and then her cheek and she smiled.

I’m so in love with this girl.

***

It’s the next day now and I’m on my way to Harper’s house. She probably won’t be there but it’s worth a shot, plus I can talk to her parents.

Ringing the doorbell and then taking a step back. Sarah opens and sports a small smile.

“Oh, hello Luke! How was tour?” She asks as she brings me in for a hug.

“It was great thanks, how have you been?” I ask.

“Alright, yourself?”

“Um okay I guess.” I say and she gives me a sad smile.

“Well speaking about uh Harper, she is not here at the moment.” She tells me.

“That was exactly what I came over for,” I start off. “Could you tell me uh, about this whole situation?”

“Come in.” She gestures.

I walk past her and into the living room. Sarah sits on a different sofa to me and turns the tv off.

“It’s not really my place to say, love.” She sighs.

“What happened? Where is she?” I question.

“Everything all got a bit too much so she went away. She asked me not to tell anyone, you especially. I have no idea when she is going to come home.”

“But,” I groan. “Okay. Is she alright?”

“I honestly don’t know, she hasn’t spoken to me at all really.”

“When did she leave?” I question.

“Uh, she left a couple of days after she came home.” She claims.

“Could you tell me when she comes home?” I ask.

“Of course honey.” She smiles.

We continue to chat about it all, I feel as if I’m on a game show trying to find the answer.

“Goodbye Sarah.” I smile and pull her into a hug.

“Bye Luke, I’ll keep you updated. I am sorry though, don’t worry about her though, I’m sure she will be fine, she is surrounded by great people.” She says.

“I’ll try not to, but in the mean time, keep slaying Mrs. White.” I laugh and so does she.

“Okay, thanks Luke, tell your mum I said hi.” She calls as I make my way down the drive way.

I wave and smile at her and continue going home.

Harper’s p.o.v.

I’m on my way home right now, I’m walking up my road to my house, it’s really fucking long.

The journey was alright, nothing special, just filled with guilt and sadness. For some reason it was really hard to say goodbye this time, but that’s not where the sadness came from, I already had that, it only just piled on more.

It feels exactly like when I first arrived in england, clad in all black, the only colourful things is my bag where the leather straps are brown. I don’t usually bring that much stuff with me to england because I’ve got clothes and stuff already there.

It’s night time right now so everything is dark, only a few lampposts every now and then.

I’m scrolling through instagram right now and I accidentally like Luke’s post, shit. I hate when that happens. It was a picture of him and the rest of the boys, it’s a good picture, but I don’t know if you know this but I’m trying to keep everything on the down low.

Liking a picture wouldn’t do any harm.

Pocketing my phone and then crossing the road, passing Luke’s house. His light is still on and window is open.

I think I can hear him playing guitar, it’s a bit late for him to be up, it’s 3:35 in the morning. Maybe he has something on his mind.

Carrying on walking, I eventually get to my house. Searching my pockets for my keys, I find nothing but fabric. Patting all of my pockets I still can’t find them. Shrugging off my leather backpack and opening it up.

After checking my bag and double checking my pockets I conclude that I’ve left my keys in England.

Knocking on the door, I wait for someone to answer, after ten minutes of no answer, I take it as they are asleep.

Did I really not tell them I was coming home?

Time for some James Bond shit.

Shrugging my bag back on I start to climb over the gate that goes into the back garden. Swiftly jumping down without any trace of a sound. Trying the back door, that’s locked too.

Walking into the garden I look for possible ways to get in. There is a tree by the spare bedroom window, but I’m gonna have to take a leap of faith and then cling onto the window sill.

Worth a shot. Climbing the tree until I’m on the closest branch to the spare room. Here goes nothing, I jump off the branch and cling onto the window sill, hoisting myself up onto the thin and flimsy piece of plastic. Pushing the window open but it doesn’t budge. Trying the window next to it, it opens up.

I sigh with relief and crawl through the window, jumping down and onto the floor. I made it!

Trying not to wake my parents up, I tip toe through the landing, passing their room as well as others, I finally reach my bedroom. Opening it up a long creak comes out and I cringe before quickly shutting it close.

Running my hand through my hair and letting out a breathe. Everything has been cleaned up and tidied away - thanks mum - it smells great in here too. Shrugging off my bag and dropping it by my door.

I’m really thirsty so I open the door again and expertly miss the steps that creak. I know which ones to avoid because of the amount of times I’ve snuck out to meet Luke, my boyfriends, or all the guys and Erika. Usually to see Luke though.

I bring the Toblerone box and the few Whisper bars that I bought at the airport with me and place them on the island.

Grabbing a glass and filling it up with water and going back up to my room. Crawling into bed and relishing the smell of lemons.

***

The Sun blinds me as I open my eyes and shy away from it, causing me to pull my covers over my head.

Patting my bedside table for my phone and checking the time, 10:15. Deciding I should try and get back into the right timezone, I get up and start getting dressed.

A dark coloured flannel shirt, which is actually Luke’s, a shirt underneath the flannel and some black ripped jeans. I’ll probably wear some boots but for the mean time I’ve just got some trainer socks on.

I do my make up and hair, before go making my way down the stairs. I’m not sure if they know I’m home yet. They probably saw the Toblerone and Whisper bars and are a bit confused.

Well, here’s my chance to reveal myself.

“Morning.” I say.

My mum shrieks.

“Oh my goodness, Harper dear.” She places a hand on her heart.

“I’m home?” I give her a sheepish smile.

“When did you get here?” She questions.

“I’ve always been here what are you talking about?” I joke. “No, uh, I got here last night and I kinda left my keys back in the UK, so I had to do some parkour to get in. Where is dad?”

“He is at work. Why didn’t you just knock on the door?” She ask.

“You think I didn’t? I knocked for about ten minutes, but no answer so I went round the back, climbed the tree and climbed through the spare bedroom window.”

“Sorry about that,” she laughs. “How was it?”

“It was great but shit at the same time. Lauren told me to go to a therapist that helped her. That worked, until I left the building or for a couple of hours. I think I found the university I want to go to, I’ll tell you more about that when dad gets home. Went and visited Josh, Angus and Evie whilst I was looking at universities, caught up with them. Saw Laura and Delilah, as well as Delilah’s new boyfriend, we um, went for a night out, and that’s about it. It was a very chill visit, and I’m glad it was.” I explain.

We end up talking for a while about the whole visit, and her asking about so and so, just giving her a run down of it all.

Then she drops a bombshell.

“So Luke came over a couple of days ago.”

I freeze and my heart races. “Uh, right.” I nod.

“He’s worried about you, you should really go talk to him. At least tell him you’re safe.” She tells me.

“Forget it mum, I’m not talking to him just yet.” I snap.

“Well it was worth a shot.” She sighs and takes her coffee cup to the sink. “Bare it in mind.”

“Whatever.” I roll my eyes.

I’m gonna keep everything on the down low, for a couple of days at least. I’m just not ready to face their wrath.

I know that that’s a bit mean, but you can get why I’m doing it, right?

***

It’s a few of days later and I don’t think I’ve ever been this down before. It feels like the more I do, the more sad I get. It takes all my energy away from me. It takes so much for me to just get up. I haven’t gotten properly ready for the day in days, just a hoodie and some leggings. Haven’t eaten, slept or even thought properly in days.

I want to get better, but I can’t be bothered to.

I’ve had endless calls and texts from everyone and that makes it even worse. Everything is just eating me all up, I feel like I’m going insane.

How do you run from your own mind?

Thing is, no one knows, not even my parents. That is making it even harder, it’s like I’m going through this on my own.

My parents are out for dinner right now I think, so I’m all alone.

I can’t take this anymore, stepping up with shaky legs I walk into the bathroom. Desperately pulling all the draws out before I find what I need. Looking down at the mess I’ve made of the bathroom, all the draws pulled out, some cleaning products and shower stuff.

Opening up the box of razor blades and taking out one.

Looking at myself in the mirror, with the blade in hand. Tears running down my face, everything shaking, knees weak.

Bringing my arm up and tracing the scars that are already there with my fingers.

Why am I this fucked up?

Puncturing my flesh with the corner of the blade and harshly sucking in a breathe.

Slowly dragging the blade across my skin as I sob and curse my self.

Cut after cut it still isn’t doing anything for a minute. It’s like a really shit drug, it only has its effect for a few seconds before there’s just a mess.

Bringing the blade to my arm again and going in deep and feeling my tears falling onto my arm.

Throwing the whole box across the room in frustration. “FUCK!” I scream.

Suddenly feeling lightheaded and my eyesight goes all fuzzy.

[pokepelagore]

uhh a lot of things have been going on lately and theres a few things i need to get off my chest so lets enter the #OversharingHours shall we?

im just a sophmore but im already under a ton of pressure about the future/university and whatnot and its really stressing me out like i have to start making huge decisions and its all because of $$$ which my family doesnt have so u know what that means? i gotta earn everything myself and like not only that like lemme make a list cus i hate being disorganized

ok as i said i need $$cash money$$ asap or i’ll mcfreaking die. my parents straight up told me they aren’t gonna pay for my university and are forcing me to work my way up to a scholarship, which is troublesome for many reasons bc: 

my moma is struggling with being able to pay my psychologist and that Really sucks cus then i wont be able to receive therapy and get better, so how tha hell r u supposed to expect me to get a scholarship if im not mentally chill yakno

the Highest average ive ever gotten was 94, and that was in fifth grade my dudes. if im gona get a scholarship, i have to get a 96 at the very least and my current average this year is in my 80s and altho my average is shit because of geometry and bullshit mitochondria class, i kno theres no one else 2 blame but myself...

ok, so if some fuckin miracle happens and i do manage to earn that sweet savory scholarship, what next?? like, theres only one university i actually wanna go to (unless i become a braniac and earn a scholarship in the united states or something) which is like 1-2 hours from my house. i kno its kinda dumb but ive always thought of myself studying there and nowhere else so my first instinct is to try and go there, but i feel like im not being realistic cus not only am i imagining actually obtaining my scholarship but also a scholarship into the university i wana go to like thats a pretty huge deal. of course, there are closer ones like theres one like 10 minutes from my house but spoiler alert i dont wana live with my mom after highschool id kms

alright, in some fantasyland where i get that scholarship in my preferred university, how am i gona manage going there? i sure as hell aint gonna live in this cramped apartment after my senior year thats for sure. like yea, i have an idea of living with my gf like she’ll be off to uni next year and while i wont go to uni myself until two years after, itd be nice if i lived with her like at that point im pretty sure she either has her own apartment or maybe i can be her roommate for a while in her childhood home until we buy an apartment ourselves - which means i need even more $$$

and not only that but i obviously need a car. i was thinking that if things do go well with this optimum scholarship stuff and if i started earning money right now, i’d be able to get a sweet ride early in my senior year. i mean, of course i’d be hoarding a lot of cash from my relatives they’d give me over the holidays and i’d have to do a lot of odd jobs, but with a quick search ive found that i could get a decent car like a honda civic for like $10,000 bucks, which is a lot when i think about it but i have many talents so i wouldnt kill myself trying to get a car ok

and finally, finally, with the faint glimmer of hope my heart holds that all of this ends up going right, i still dont know wtf im going to study. i mean, yeah there are a lot of cool stuff, but never once in my life have i focused on one thing i mean thats kind of impossible for me when theres so many things to do. so i have to decide this too and it makes me really :// because like all that stuff i just mentioned will go to waste if i end up studying something just because theres nothing else for me to do and thats really sad

but yea these are my main worries for my future, not to mention my hobbies n relationships with other people or this will really get long dhfhdfhds maybe i should just sell weed with my uncle that doesnt sound so bad lol

[babylon-bitch]

Just Friends (part 18)

https://www.google.bg/search?q=thigh+high+boots+outfit&client=tablet-android-samsung&prmd=ivn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjhl9v80LzRAhVhGsAKHfeQCMwQ_AUIBygB&biw=800&bih=1280#tbm=isch&q=

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Syd0_pZi2sY

Its Christmas eve, everyone is rushing around and getting excited. Everyone is going over to my grandparents in a bit. So I’m just waiting for everyone, whilst on my phone.

Nothing much has happened recently, it just been the build up to Christmas. Watching Christmas films, eating Christmas food, decorating the house, seeing everyone, and wearing shitty Christmas jumpers. That’s Christmas for you.

Evie’s parents arrived a couple of days ago, so everyone is officially here.

Back home, is the same, nothing has gone on. I’ve spoken to Luke on Skype a couple of times, just messing around and catching up. But with the time zones, one of us is tired, or we don’t speak at all because one’s a sleep. We both understand that though.

“Harper you ready?” My mum asks.

“Yes, I was ready ten minutes ago.” I answer.

“Aww, that jumper is cute.” My mum chuckles.

“Thanks.” I smile.

I’m wearing a Christmas jumper and some black jeans, nothing special, but festive.

“Hey, I’ve got a cool one too.” Angus chimes in.

“Oh my God.” I laugh.

Its a naked father Christmas, like you can see his dick and balls.

“Angus! You are going to be around children!” Mum scolds.

“It is pretty good though.” I admit.

“See, Harper likes it.” Angus reasons.

“For the grand finale.” Josh gestures as he walks past us.

“That’s so stupid, why Josh?” I look at him in pity.

“It’s true, Jesus’ birthday is soon.” He tells us.

“That’s so bad, even by my standards.” Angus laughs.

Its Jesus and it says happy birthday on it.

“I can’t fault you that it is his birthday.” I say.

“Oh just go.” My dad ushers us out.

Grabbing my leather jacket off the hook and shrugging it on as I walk out the door.

“No.” I say as I notice what the boy’s are doing. “I’m not sitting in the middle.” I tell them.

“What was that Harper?” Angus smirks as he pushes me into the car.

“Hey! I just did my hair and make up.” I whine.

Angus proceeds to ignore me and shut the door.

“I hate you.” I glare at Angus.

“Love you too Harps.” He smugly teases and hugs he but I push him off.

Half an hour later, we reach our grandparents’ house. Their house is in the country side, and it is so beautiful here. I’m more of a city person, but damn if I got offered to live here, I wouldn’t have to think twice.

“Hello darling.” My grandma smiles.

“Hey.” I greet.

“How are you?” She asks.

“I’m good thanks, yourself?” I repeat.

“Very well thanks.” She answers.

“Grandpa!” I chuckle.

“Hello Harper.” He greets.

“Evie, Mark and Anna are here already.” He tells me.

“Thanks.” I smile and walk through to the lounge, Josh trailing behind me.

Josh puts his arms on my shoulders and pushes me forwards but still holds on to me. “Saved your life.” He laughs.

“Anna! The boy’s are being mean to me again.” I whine like a child.

“Aw poor baby.” She cooes.

I laugh and hug everyone. Taking a seat next to Evie and poking her sides. “Stop.” She giggles.

“Get off your phone then.” I tell her.

She rolls her eyes and locks her phone, letting it drop to her side.

“My brother’s have been a dick this morning.” I groan.

“Aren’t they always?” She chuckles.

“True that.”

Pulling my phone out and scrolling through Twitter.

“What so I can’t be on my phone, but you can?” Evie questions.

“I’ve got followers to tend to.” I smugly say.

“Uh phone equality please.” She jokes and I burst out laughing.

“Could you take a photo with me, so I can get more followers.” Evie questions.

“So your using me?” I put it simply.

“Yeah, so shut up and look like you love me.” She orders.

***

Its a couple of hours later now, and I’m meeting some old school friends, Laura and Delilah. I kept contact with them when I moved back to Australia, we aren’t like really close, but we like to catch up every now and then. “Hi!” Delilah shrieks.

“Hey!” I grin and hug her.

“How have you been?” She asks.

“Good, I’ve been busy with school and shit, you?” I reply.

“Alright actually, yeah same, got A-levels to study for.” She tells me.

“Are you going to uni?” I question.

“Yeah, are you?” She asks as we sit down own her bed.

“I don’t know, I’ve been toying with the idea, but I don’t have a fucking clue.” I answer.

“Would you go to one here or in Australia?” Delilah question.

“I feel like I would want to go to uni here, because my brothers and cousin do, but also I don’t want to leave my friends behind. I mean they will probably be busy with tours and stuff, but I’ve also got my friend Erika who will be left behind. Not because she’s incapable of doing anything, we’re all in the same friend group, and she likes to be in Australia. ” I explain.

“Right, tough one. Catch 22.” She says.

“Harper!” Someone shouts my name.

Looking around I see Laura. “Laura!” I laugh and get up to hug her.

“How are you?” She asks.

“I’m good thanks, yourself?” I repeat.

“Great!” She smiles.

“Powerpuff girls unite!” Delilah giggles as she joins in on our hug.

We all pull apart and sit on Delilah’s bed.

“Oh yeah, you may know this, or not. But I’m bisexual.” Delilah tells me.

“Congratulations!” I smile and give her a hug. “Is that something people say?” I question.

“Well it’s a good reaction, so I’ll take it.” She chuckles.

“It took her a good ten minutes to come out with it.” Laura laughs. “See what I did there ha ha.” She smirks.

“I’m laughing at you.” I remark.

She flips me off.

It a couple of hours later now, we’ve just been catching up, Laura broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years a couple of months ago and Delilah learnt how to play guitar. In fact we are filmed a video, we’ve combined a load of songs together and Delilah is playing the guitar. 

“Well done guys.” Laura claps.

“Woooo,” I say and turn off the camera. “I’ll import the footage later.” I tell them.

(video at the top)

They nod and pull out their phones, joining the club, I pull mine out too. “Social.” I mutter.

“Fuck off alright.” Laura points at me.

“Yeah Harps.” Delilah chuckles.

“Wow two against one.” I pout.

Laura flips me off. “You got told.” Delilah nudges.

“Yeah, I did.” I agree.

“Remember when Delilah thought it would be a good idea to eat paint?” Laura says and I laugh at the memory.

“I was shitting so much. It wasn’t green though.” Delilah laughs.

“Ew, too much information.” I say.

“To be honest, it did kind of taste good, the aftertaste wasn’t so much.” Laura admits.

“What is wrong with you?” I furrow my eyebrows.

“Everything.” She chuckles.

“We did some weird shit in primary school. We weren’t even that young when we ate the paint.” Delilah points out.

“Do you still play Harper? Like instruments?” Laura asks.

The three of us used to mess around in music room, Laura and Delilah used to sing, and I would play the piano. As well as just playing other instruments (badly). It was really fun, we weren’t trying to get anywhere with it, just having fun. They are the only people that know about my secret ‘talent’, only the piano though.

“Every now and then I guess, I don’t own one you see.” I lie.

I just go on lockdown mode when people ask me about instruments, my singing or anything like that, and I can’t help it.

“Understandable.” Delilah nods.

“You should get back into it.” Laura suggests.

“Maybe.” I shrug.

***

Its around seven, and I left the girls a while ago. Everybody is over again, everyone spread out through the house. Evie, Reuben and I are in my room, and everyone else I don’t know.

We’re going out to dinner, it’s kinda a tradition we do. We’ve all gotten ready, just waiting for everyone else to do what ever they need to do. I’m wearing a black dress and black thigh high boots, and I’m going to wear a burgundy coloured coat.

(Picture at the top, but with out all the accessories.)

Evie is wearing a red dress, for Christmas sakes, and some cute ankle boots with a heel and laces. Looking very festive.

“I had fun catching up with the girls again today.” I say.

“I’m glad, I guess you’re pretty much always with boys, and its nice to get away from them for a while.” Evie replies.

“We’re together pretty much all the time, I’ve got Erika but that’s not enough.” I explain.

“Yeah, I get your wavelength.”

“I’m tired, but I’m also excited.” I cry out as I lie down onto my bed. “And hungry.” I notice.

“I’m not really excited for Christmas really. Its not about the presents anymore for me. It’s more about seeing everyone, and the festivity.” Evie tells me.

“Me too, I guess we’ve grown out of that phase, I like the build up more than the actual day.” I agree.

“Totally b-” Evie gets cut off by Josh walking through the door.

“Do you know how to knock?” I claim.

“Time to go.” He ignores my question.

“Alright.” Evie says.

“Come on sausage.” I poke at Reuben.

Picking him up and walking down the stairs.

“Harper!” He giggles as I spin him around.

“Here.” I laugh and put him down.

“Thanks.” He smiles up at me and runs over to his mum Lauren.

Walking over to the coat rack by the door, I take my coat off of the hook and sliding into it. “Wow, someone looks pretty.” Someone whistles behind me.

Turning around I see Lauren. “Oh stop it!” I blush. “Look at you!” I point.

“I’m not as hot as you. Luke would be swooning.” She teases.

I flip her off. “See this, take it and shove it so far up your arse.” I laugh.

“Touchy subject?” She smirks.

“I’m not having this conversation.” I warn.

“Harper your nearly as tall as Luke.” Angus walks in saying.

“If I did date Luke would you all shut up?” I question.

“Definetly.” Lauren adds.

“I might as well have to, if you guys won’t stop.” I roll my eyes.

“Good.” Angus smirks.

“Are we all ready to go?” My dad asks to everyone.

A series of yes’ went around the little room by the door, filled with so many people.

Half an hour later we make it to the restaurant, I’m walking and talking with my grandma, just catching up. “What’s a vampires favourite fruit?” Angus asks me.

“Uh, I don’t know.” I answer.

“Neck-tarines.” He reveals.

I make a drum sound and laugh. “Bu-dum shhh.”

“Dork.” I tell him.

He childishly sticks his tongue out at me and sits down.

Hours later, we’re getting ready to leave, but children are running around all over the place. “Emily, if you don’t get back here right now, father Christmas won’t give you any presents.” I play that trick.

I’m trying to get emily, Evie is trying to get Toby, Lauren is trying to get Lilly, the only sensible one is Reuben, who is sat with my brother’s.

“I can’t run in heels.” I groan.

“I’m so sorry.” I tell an old lady as Emily walks into her, she smiles and carrys on walking. Grabbing onto her little forearm and picking her up.

“Naughty.” I say into her ear.

She rests her head onto my shoulder. “Are you tired?” I coo, and I feel her nod. “Well be home soon.” I reassure.

“I got one.” I say as I retreat to the table.

“Me too.” Evie adds.

“Bloody Lauren, can’t even get her own children.” My mum jokes and we laugh.

“Got her.” Lauren sighs.

“Ready?” Mark questions.

We walk out the restaurant and into separate cars, I keep Emily with me because she’s fallen asleep in my arms.

Mum opens the door for us as we walk up the drive way, she got here before us, along with Mark and Anna, as well as my dad.

“I’ve got a video to edit, so I’ll see you later.” I tell everyone as I give Emily to Mark.

***

An hour and a bit later, I’ve finished editing and its about to go up. “Harper, everyone’s going now.” Josh calls.

“Okay.” I call back, moving my laptop off of my lap and jogging down the stairs.

“Goodbye love.” My grandma hugs me.

10 minutes later, everyone has left and we’ve said our goodbye’s. Jogging back up the stairs, and into my room.

Checking the few comments I’ve got, until I get interrupted by a Skype call from Luke.

Obviously answering but not turning the camera on, because I just don’t want. “Hi?” Luke smiles.

“Hey.” I reply.

“Turn on your webcam.” He groans.

“Why?” I chuckle.

“Because I wanna see your pretty little face.” He winks and I blush, good thing he can’t see me.

“Fine.” I cave and turn it on and wave. “Happy?” I ask.

“Yep.” He smugly smiles. “I like your video you just uploaded.” Luke complements.

“Aww thanks.” I giggle.

“Who were the girls?” He questions.

“Delilah was playing guitar and Laura was on her left.” I answer.

“How do you know them? I’ve never heard you talk about them.” He asks confused.

“Oh just some old school friends, we aren’t super close, but they are the only people I kept in contact with. I meet up with them every time I come back.” I reply.

“Cool, you all sounded great by the way.” He smiles.

“Thank you. In fact I should tell them its up.” I tell myself really.

Pulling my phone out and texting them both.

Couple of minutes later I turn back to my laptop and see Luke just staring at me. “So how was your day?” I ask.

“Well I got up a few hours ago, but yeterday, the boys, Erika, and I went to the park, then went to Calum’s. We hung out there for a while, and I came back home.” He explains. “You?” He questions.

“Umm, we went to my grandparent’s house, then I went to Delilah’s, caught up with them for a while, came back home, everyone was over. We then went out for dinner, which was a nightmare with the children, they kept running around, and I can’t run in heels. We came back and I edited the video, and now I’m talking to you.” I tell him.

“I love seeing you with your family. You get so happy.” He chuckles.

“I love it too, I haven’t had the best family life I guess you could say, and being all together again is great.” I agree.

“Good!” He smiles.

“Lukey? Is that you?” I get interrupted by Angus.

“Go away.” I groan

“Hey Angus.” Luke laughs.

“Hi! I’m your favourite person.” Angus says.

“Yeah, fuck Harper.” He laughs.

“Uh, excuse me?” I fake being hurt.

“Love you really!” He says like a child.

“Ooo live Larper action going on.” Angus teases.

“Angus, fuck off!” I tell him.

“Alright, I leave you to your boyfriend.” He jokes.

I flip him off as he walks out the door. “Shut the fucking door.” I shout.

“Alright woman.”

He closes the door and I sigh looking back at Luke, who’s stifling a laugh.

“Well I better go, if I’m going to be dealing with excited children tomorrow.” I tell him.

“Alright.” He chuckles. “I love you, and I miss you.” He pouts.

A smile forms on my face when he says I love you, he ment it so genuinely. “I love you too, I’ll be home soon. Have a nice Christmas, and I’ll probably speak to you tomorrow.” I reply.

“You too, love you bye.” He grins and hangs up.

Luke’s pov

God, I love her, so fucking much. I know I’ve barely had “couple time” with her, we’re not even together, but I’m glad I finally plucked up the courage to just kiss her. I wouldn’t change it for the world.

The day I got back, I went round to Isobel’s house and broke up with her. She took it well, I guess. She said some colourful and hurtful words by they didn’t hurt me. It was never serious anyway.

I can’t wait for her to get back here and be able to kiss her soft lips again, and some other stuff (if you know what I mean). She promised me she’ll carry on what we started, and I’m holding it too her.

I’m about to meet up with everyone, we’ve decided to meet up at Michael’s house.

Knocking on the door, Erika opens it almost immediately.  “Hey.” I smile and pull her into a hug

“How are you?” She asks.

“Good, you?” I repeat.

“Great.” She simply replies as she closes the door.

“Hi.” I say and sit next to Calum.

“Whats up?” He asks.

“Not much, just got off Skype with Harper.” I answer

“What she up to?” Ashton questions.

“Shes going to bed, that’s all.” I tell him.

“Have you seen Sarah’s Instagram? It is full of photos of Harper and other people that I don’t know.” Calum asks.

“Luke will definitely like the pictures of Harper.” Erika teases.

I mean yeah, I will like the pictures of her.

I lie and roll my eyes. Cal passes me his phone and I scroll through. Fuck, the picture of her in a dress from earlier.

Aww the pictures of her with her cousins.

“Alright, that’s enough.” Calum takes his phone off me.

Michael makes an excited sound and looks intrigued by his laptop. “What?” Ashton asks for all of us.

“Harper’s new video.” He says and puts his laptop on the table next to him and turns the sound up.

“Damn.” Erika speaks for us all, I saw it before but it is really good.

“Who are they?” Michael asks.

“Old school friends.” I answer.

“You know?” Calum questions.

“Of course I know, I just spoke to her. The one playing guitar is Delilah, and the other girl is Laura.” I point out.

“Oh, Delilah seem cool.” Cal smirks.

“I miss Harper.” Erika blurts out.

“Agreed, she keeps everyone sane.” Ashton tells us.

“Even if she is weird herself.” Calum chuckles.

“Me too.” I agree with a smirk on my face.

“Of course you do Luke, she’s your girlfriend.” Michael jokes.

I mean… soon to be.