#like. hot take. theres no rules for any kind of relationship. friends can be friends & have sex. friends can not talk everyday

[clownoverrat]

I think we've started putting too many rules into being in a relationship

[sscoutregimentss]

i know we as a collective society believe in gamer! eren supremacy. and yes, this is a good take. however, may i introduce to you: normie/fuckboy/jock eren with gamer/nerd gf. thoughts under the cut (safe for work, pg-13, also slight snk spoilers for season 3 and up!)

see, eren isnt necessarily a fuckboy. in fact, hes very loyal! he doesnt really think that way about any girls or guys except you. but hes popular romantically and had a reputation for sleeping around before he met you (not that theres anything wrong with that but ya know word travels fast across campus). plus, cmon the dude is in a frat, super hot and has a tongue piercing. he cant blame anyone for thinking he is a fuckboy bc he exudes the energy.

you are kind of the complete opposite. you dont really enjoy parties and you keep to yourself. you're a total wreck when it comes to flirting and your kinda oblivious to whenever people like you. you dont have many friends and are a bigger fan of 2d people than 3d.

either way eren finds you so so so cute. he first approached you at one of his frat parties. your roommates convinced you to come after she said that someone (read: connie) had a dance dance revolution mat, but you kinda just stuck around in a corner staring at your cup once you lost them. he looks you up and down-- your outfit was pretty cute, a short plaid orange pleated skirt, dress shirt, orange cardigan and black beret laying neatly upon your head. and your face... he couldn't help himself but try to talk to you. you were really anxious because wahhh scary sports guy you dont know but he was kinda instantly comforting? in a way? and he was freaking pretty. he looked like a final fantasy character--long haired characters were your type. the rest was kind of history.

a lot of people are shocked when they find out your dating bc you two are so different (some people are surprise eren “dates” at all) but no one dares question your relationship when they see how much eren dotes on you. he has so many polaroids of you in his wallet-- from the many arcade dates you bring him on where you decimate him at almost every game, you awkwardly posing in the hentai section of bookstores, or just candids of you being intensely focused on a puzzle in a game. whenever you guys go out to eat and somethings wrong with your meal, he'll send it back (in a polite way, of course, but hes still assertive.) or if you buy like a figurine and its misisng something hes marching up to the cashier stand for you. he always has an arm around your waist or is holding is hand in yours. sometimes you just cling onto his arm and rest your head on it (hes comfy!!!!! and you are always tired) your both pretty clingy, but you get kinda awkward when you two are around people you know so he just kinda subtly holds you as to not make a scene. its nice. hes comfy.

youve got dual monitors, a pc you made yourself, rgb keyboard, the whole nine yards. all your consoles are up to date and you keep a handheld system on you at all times. you spend most your weekends watching anime and movies and tv shows and your shelves are piled high with books and comic books. eren literally does not understand any of it. when you told him you built your pc he goes "you made all those microchippy things? youre soooo smart babe". when you talk about some of your weirder or more complicated animes he nods along but honestly he gets so lost ("so like, lemme get this straight, the kids dad's wife ate his mom?" "yeah but like she was turned into a titan so she didn't realllllly know it was the dads wife, but like she literally walks past this titan shifter so i think she knew." "thats crazy.") and he will never understand the point of otome games when hes literally right there. he actually has a really bad habit of getting jealous of characters you have a crush on but you just find it funny. sometimes he gets an ego boost when they look like him because even if they look like him he is actually real so they can suck it.

hes rlly supportive tho. erens a rlly passionate person and he loves you a lot so he pours a lot of passion into what you do. if you are into esports/fps games hes cheers you on all the time and does all the raging for you ("BABE THAT GUY IS STREAM SNIPING! HES STREAM SNIPING YOU HEY ASSHOLE STOP CHEATING OFF MY GIRLFRIEND" "eren he cant stream snipe me because i dont stream" "oh i thought that just meant cheating"/"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL HER?" "eren its okay i can just report him" "NO NO LET ME AT HIM IF HE WANTS TO CALL YOU A BITCH I CAN CALL HIM MUCH WORSE" "um guys im gonna mute my mic for a second if you need me text chat") if youre into cozy games he likes to watch you play and gives you ideas on where to put things. like in minecraft he makes you put a second bed for him even though he doesnt play and he helps you name all your pets. you get a little less intense with cozy games so you sit on his lap and he lets his hair down puts his head on your shoulder and points at where you should place stuff. he still rages though? this is eren jaeger we are talking about. ("aw, she wont move to my island." "WHAT? who does that little ugly squirrel think she is? you think youre too good for MY y/n's island? i'll shave your unibrow off. then we'll see what island will want you" "leave hazel alone! shes cute!"/"dude that hamster guy with the glasses looks like armin" "graham? what? armin doesnt even wear glasses" "no no look at it more" "oh shit youre right") rpgs/otome games are kinda a wild card with how he acts. if its an otome game and the character looks like him he is more into helping you out because it reaffirms to him that you find him good looking but otherwise he is just sulking and calling them annoying ("princess y/n... i know im just a servant, but i want to be with you forever!" "pft. get a load of this guy. clingy much?" "its romantic! youre jealous.")

one of his favorite things to do with you is cuddle and watch anime. usually he lies his face on your thighs or chest while watching and you play with his hair or he holds you in his chest and you play with one of his hands while the other goes behind his head. he grew up on some of the classics like naruto sailor moon one piece pokemon and dbz but he never got super into it until he started dating you. you put him on to soooo many good shows (cartoons, anime, and live action) hes both a crier and he is a get-angrier(?). he gets mad on characters behalfs and you have to pause the show so he can rant about how annoying someone is or he feels so bad for someone so he has to take a minute because hes tearing up. he likes slice of life anime because the friendships <3 theyre so wholesome and they remind him of him armin and mikasa but he also likes shounen because it is entertaining to watch fights. he gets really into them actually. he also has this really bad habit of whenever there is a character with no parents or a dead mom he goes "oh same" or "welcome to the club buddy" under his breath. when theres a cute couple in an anime you both like guys get matching keychains of them unless one of them dies because he thinks its bad luck. his favorite animes are haikyuu, your lie in april and code geass.

you are equally supportive of erens volleyball career. you know all the rules because sports anime and you actually find yourself really liking it in 3d as well (it is lacking in bromance and screaming but you let it slide). you go to all his games and he always texts you before his practices. has a habit of kissing you before games and one day after he kisses you go "gg ez win" as a JOKE but then they like decimate their long time rival marley university and get into nationals (is that a thing for volleyball idk sports) so hes convinced its because you did your "gamer magic". now every time after getting his good luck kiss he interlocks your pinkies and you go "gg ez win" and he goes “yes.” because to this day he doesnt know what it means (he thinks googling it is like breaking the magic)

okay im gonna stop while im ahead BECAUSE I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS ALL DAY I MIGHT JUST GO AHEAD AND WRITE SOME ONESHOTS....

[straighttohellbuddy]

📓 !!

Okay im so excited please know I think about How The Light Gets In's world every day still, and so anyways here is a side story I want to write but there's a lot of set up regarding the reader and eef becoming friends again. For context, they were incredibly close around 2014-2017, but people were getting creepy and invasive and demanding about their friendship (think 2012 toxic side of the Phandom, if that makes sense), and a lot of the reader's relationships were strained at that time because while they had been successful before, they were absolutely blowing up after their first album released and they became far more mainstream. They felt like they were bothering the people they had become closest to, both because they're worried that they're a bother, and because gossip rags and paps would harrass their friends looking for a scoop, and so they ended up just completely cutting off contact without warning one day right before they went on their first tour. the start of HTLGI is about 3 years since they'd been in proper contact with any of the creators they were close to at that time.

DON'T LOOK AT ME on their 2017 ep Hyperfocus was a more general song in response to everything that had been happening in their life around that time, with a focus on how they stop associating with anyone for a while, without outright addressing it, but on their latest album n o s t a l g i a, read at 5am ft. Troye was specifically written at the start of quarantine, when the reader was getting back into YouTube, about their feelings regarding how their friendship with ethan ended, as they spent a lot of this time looking back of their YouTube career, and he was the person they were closest to for a very long time, before they iced everyone out.

OKAY SO THERES MORE OF THE BACKGROUND OF THE WHOLE FIC AND THE READER BUT

Werewolf Ethan & Mark. I'm sorry I don't make the rules. They have golden retriever energy you cannot change my mind. But also because this is the HTLGI you know that supernatural characteristics are able to be activated rather than just triggered by the full moon. What I'm trying to say is since this is set in the year of Unus Annus, they film a video together that's like, you know that show where a person has to try and outwit a professional tracker? Except its the reader being tracked by two werewolves at night in a national park. Reader is wearing some sort of night vision camera on themselves so whenever it cuts to them the audience can't actually see how they're using their powers, if that makes sense.

Also the reader agreed to this knowing it would probably be when they ended up telling Mark and Ethan about them being a demon.

Video is titled Hunting Down An Old Friend

A few Moments that the boys edit out:

The reader using their stupidly sharp prehensile tail to swing from tree branches, though they leave in shots where the reader's tail can't be seen.

Knowing that with the werewolves having advanced hearing, the reader would give themselves away by talking to the camera, they take a few minutes having flown up to a high tree branch, to pull out a notebook and do a little sketch of how Mark and Ethan appear in their Demon True Sight, and holding it up to their camera.

Werewolves being one of the animals who can kind of sense demons without being able to identify them, essentially like dogs can sense natural disasters and are often good judges of character, this can be heightened on command for werewolves. There's about 15 minutes of footage cut out of the boys discussing or mentioning how this place has awful vibes and that they should have done this during the day. It gets worse as they get closer to the reader, who didn't realise that the boys hadn't thought to ever use that particular power around them before.

("I say this with so much love and appreciation for you, dude," Ethan yells, looking up at you from the base of the tree they'd finally found you in, "but I- this is making me anxious I feel like something terrible's gonna happen, and we should probably get out of here and film the rest of the video back at Mark's." And behind him, Mark's nodding, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, eyes scanning the trees for whatever was most likely the cause of this terrible impending doom.

Oh. It's you. And they don't know its you.

Now or never, you suppose.

"Can you cut the cameras for a second? You're going to be fine I promise," you called back, and though they obligingly did, they both seemed antsy. You cleared your throat awkwardly, "that... that terrible feeling, that's not the park or anything in it- well I mean, it is, but it's just- it's me."

and later

"Dude your wings smell like rotten eggs."

"To YOU Ethan! And no they don't!"

"If it makes you feel better they smell like burning and rotten eggs."

"It does not."

(for reference, when enhancing their sense of smell werewolves can kind of distinguish various supernatural creatures, or parts of supernatural creatures. Some creatures have an inherent scent, but some, like angels and demons, only have distinct scents when they've activated certain attributesor abilities; demon wings smell like fire and brimstone, which unfortunately means burning and rotten eggs. I like to think angels wings are like the love potion in Harry Potter that smells like the things you love the most. Mark and Ethan usually don't enhance it around each other because they smell like wet dog to the other)

This gets about 2k notes on tumblr. The reader likes it:

Ethan finally finding Y/N at the end of Hunting Down An Old Friend (2020) Colourised.

Other things to note regarding all this:

It takes a while to rebuild their friendship to the point where they're comfortable enough to be on camera together (eef and reader specifically).

However, the Unus Annus video is the first thing they properly do together, and the reader, in an effort to connect more and make up for the past, will join in multiplayer gaming streams if asked.

Impromptu duet in proximity Among Us of Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy, which has their respective chats and fandoms losing their minds, except it stops abruptly after the first chorus as they both remember the opening lines of the second verse (make it easy, say I never mattered -- those lyrics hit a little too close to home)

But also the reader convinces him to join him for a proper cover in like, February of 2021, and it's something deeply sappy (I'm thinking Bon Iver by mxmtoon because I think its sweet and fits them well)

Also Ethan being reminded that the reader is kind of a much bigger deal than when they'd been friends before.

designed to hurt (touch me) from their ep Working On It is nominated for a Grammy for Track of the Year, and n o s t a l g i a wins Best Pop Album (because it's my fic and I said so)

FIRST OF ALL designed to hurt (touch me) is a beautifully produced song about Corpse (which people do not know) and the title itself is literally making fun of something he said IMAGINE his reaction to it being Grammy Nominated 😂😂😂 God he'd be proud but lowkey fuming, meanwhile the moment the nominations are announced the reader tweets:

me: here is an album where I processed my entire world view including heartfelt explorations of the trauma of existing and oversharing in the public eye from a young age without the traditional barrier between audience and entertainer

the grammys: that's cute BUT you know the song you wrote to bully your boyfriend and also be horny on main for him before you guys were even dating? THAT deserves its own recognition.

meanwhile Ethan's like..... this is the same person who I filmed a video with playing cards against humanity, and you laughed so hard you almost threw up. I am very proud but deeply confused.

The Hot Meme of Late April 2021 is "2 time Grammy Award Winning Artist Y/N" with a gif, still, or quote from the reader where they're just being an absolute chaos gremlin.

Of course we have "If I bleached my asshole for charity I'd do it tastefully."

2 Time Grammy Award Winning Artist Y/N speaking to their actual boyfriend in the year of our lord 2020: You are being executed for Clown Crimes.

ethan posts a short video to twitter simply of his screen where he's renaming a folder from "Never Before Seen Images of Grammy Award Winning Artist Y/N" simply changing it to 2 time Artist. The reader responds specifically to his tweet with a video of themselves asking Google how to hard reset someone else's computer.

So many screenshots from old videos surface that week.

I miss this world. Sorry this is rambly!!

[seancekitsch]

Heat

Diego Hargreeves x Reader filth but also its kinda sad ngl

warnings: unprotected m/f sex, emotionally stunted idiots, set in the same universe as prize buck, sadness, one half of a whole fic

It was hard to believe that Diego could hit it off with one of Klaus’ friends, let alone be friends with her for about a year now, and have her fall into his bed with him for the past five months on a poorly executed friends with benefits arrangement. She wasn’t a maniac, and even though that Indiana Jones chick from rehab Klaus was playing house with was nice, he couldn’t handle yet another person with a personality like his brother. And actually how Klaus had met this new friend of Diego’s was through a therapy program, so he was sure there was something wildly inappropriate about their friendship, but he would look the other way because Diego knew calling that into question would be calling her into question in general and she didn’t need that because she was good. She was really fucking good. He was crazy about fucking this girl with a great ass and a fire that matched his own, but it was more than that. She was a good friend, the kind of friend Diego needed. The kind of friend that would patch him up after getting into a scrape and not lecture him on it, but still call him on his bullshit and push him to do better for himself.

Like tonight, you come to him wearing no panties under your short tight skirt, animatedly telling him about an empty warehouse with cheap rent he could probably turn into his own boxing gym like he told you he was considering one morning. You’re so excited about this business opportunity because when does cheap easily renovated business space just fall into the lap of someone looking to start a business? But in the back of your mind you know it crosses a line that each day was getting harder to navigate. Yeah, that’s probably more than what “just a friend” would be doing for him. But then again, “just a friend” wouldn’t be beckoning him to strip with his hand up her skirt, deftly making all the right moves. This arrangement started a few months ago, actually in the very room you’re in now. You had both had a few beers, the conversation traveled towards relationships, and you made an off-handed comment through loose and tipsy lips that you were lonely, you forgot what a man’s touch felt like after your last break up. And, well, Diego? He offered to remind you. And then the next weekend he reminded you again. You’d made up a “no attachments” rule and said that this was temporary, just friends lending one another a helping hand or mouth or every body part, but would end whenever either of you found something “real”. But somehow as you woke beside him morning after morning, you fell in love. Love love. Real “I want to fuck you and then I want to open a business with you and make you breakfast and write my stupid first name next to your stupid last name” love. And fuck, did it hurt. But being close to him and having it feel like torture was worse than not having him at all. Actually, that thought process is shit, you think, you’d never let a client think like that about their personal relationships. So why were you? Why were you hurting yourself? Why would you...

The thought dies in your mind and is replaced with Diego. Everything is Diego when he’s got two fingers roughly working you over from the inside, calloused fingers such a drastic contrast from the soft smoothness of your cunt. He knew exactly how to work you, knew exactly what to do to have you begging and crying out his name long into the night.He keeps you on edge giving you enough to have your legs shake and for you to have to lean your weight on his shoulder, but not enough to be what you need. No, that was a job solely for Diego’s cock. He brings your right to that moment before sweet release and then usually impales you on his cock. His idea of reminding you of a “man’s touch” which has kind of become a macho competition against himself, but you wouldn’t complain if it meant he kept making you scream like this. Tonight he’s determined to put in the effort, to really have you screaming as you come around him, because theres something to celebrate and not because he has this desire to make you happy. Diego loves nothing more than to see you like that, like it’s just you and him in the world, and nothing exists outside the two of you in his bed. He loves the sigh that falls from your lips as he makes quick work of the skirt, but refuses to let you sit down. He loves the way you laugh when his kisses tickle your hips and stomach. He loves the way you get impatient and crawl into his lap on his cot of a bed while he continues to undress you. He keeps his fingers moving, thrusting in and out and scissoring them within you, adding pressure from his thumb making light circles on your clit. You unbutton your shirt but then when he looks back up your head is hung to the side, watching him through mascara covered lashes and parted lips. God, you’re flushed and panting already, he thinks, it’s so fucking sexy. The hand not fucking you travels from the top of your ass to your breasts, groping and squeezing earning him little mewls of approval. He could listen to that for the rest of his life. 

Your hands reach to his scalp and he groans as your nails rake between his hair. His hands and mouth feel like fire against your skin but you want more and more and more. The heat is inside you as well, pooling deep and threatening to escape your very being. But as always, Diego doesnt let you have it that easily. No, his hand slips from under you and instead he takes those two fingers that were just fucking you and wraps his lips around them. A dramatic moan as he licks and sucks all traces of you off his lips.

“Girl, you taste so fuckin good.”

You cant formulate a response to that, so instead you pull him as close as you can as he puts the other arm around your back and bends until your back hits the bed. He wastes no time leaning back up to whip off his shirt and haphazardly wiggle his pants down to his ankles before kicking at them until they are no more than a heap at the floor. 

This was Diego at his most desperate to be inside you. He loved the way that your eyes fluttered closed and your entire chest heaved. He loved how your legs and arms would wrap around him and hold him so intimately close, like he anchored you to the earth. 

When he thrusts inside you, you do exactly that. His pace is rough, but not fast. He’s strong and deep, the way that it feels like he's inside all of you. The friction, the rocking, its a delicious fire that nips at your entire being. He kisses and bites at your shoulders and breasts, like hes trying to memoize your skin with every part of him as he fucks you into the mattress. In out in out harder harder harder. Thanks to his game, you're already clenched around him and close to coming, but judging by the sloppiness of his thrusts, he probably wouldn't last that long tonight either. Theres something all consuming about tonight. About the way he holds you so tight he could break you, the way hes as deep as possible and your bodies meet at every seam. About the way your skin burns hotter than any other time. 

And the dam breaks. Your skin is so hot you're sure he can feel it too, youre screaming, you can feel in your throat, but all you see and hear is white. He holds you and shakes, and the way you feel him paint the inside of you makes you shudder again, aftershocks or another orgasm, too hard to tell the difference. And you're breathing. And hes sliding out of you. And you see the ceiling. And then you see his face.

“Oh, shit…” Diego mutters, looking worried, “Did I hurt you or something?”

What did he mean? What… oh. You were crying. Tears were streaming down your face. Suddenly the room feels small, cold, anything but a room with someone you love. And you know you have to get out. You are officially in too deep. Without even responding you get up and start to fiddle with clothing, shaking hands buttoning haphazardly all to just get free of this room and Diego as soon as possible. 

“Sh-sh-shit, Y/N, I’m s-sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you or anything, p-please”

“You didn’t hurt me, Diego,” You refuse to meet his eyes, its easier that way, “I just can’t do this anymore. This can’t happen again.”

“What, like y-y-you f-found someone? You c-could have told me.”

Fuck fuck. Fuck! You know he only stutters when he’s upset. And he's upset. Why was he so upset? You were just fucking. You were the one throwing love away. You. He was just having fun with a woman in his bed three or four nights a week. 

“I just, I can’t sleep with you anymore, Diego.”

I can't sleep with you anymore. That was it, he thought, he was the problem. You can't sleep with him. 

Before he responds, you’re already up the stairs and out the door. You're gone. 

On his bed is the address of that gym, intentionally left. 

Next to it is a hair pin, unintentionally left.

[icecreamkink]

watched all of the untamed / cql in two weeks after my friend 1 told me abt mdzs a hundred years ago and my friends 2 and 3 tried to get me into cql for like two whole years and there are.

feelings.

very first scene is a very dramatic death in the middle of nightmare battle on sith planet land . i will forget abt it in the next tenish episodes and then will be very surprised when it becomes Extremely Painful

anyway magic flying gays and possession and human sacrifice! we are off to a great start

in retrospect, chaos goblin wei wuxian must have had a blast pretending to be so cRaZy and be as disruptive as he could as mo xuanyu lbr

listen. why is fire always evil coded. cant a magic clan wear red, black and orange and have flame motif while being wholesome?

For Legal Reasons These Are Not Zombies

i wish the politics of the sect were a bit clearer, especially at the beggining when the wen clan had sm power, was wen ruohan the chief cultivator? is that why they were so slow in responding to the attacks? im v confused by the pre yiling patriarch politics

fighting in the roof by the moonlight as way of flirtiiiiiiing. as i understand this is a wuxia/xianxia trope and honestly...... thank u for ur service

slight bullying and being a nuisance in general, as a way of flirting we love to see it

wwx: if i drink on the rooftop, thats not inside the cloud recesses! hmmm check and mate :D lwj: i will fuck u up so help me god   wwx: :0

i lov them

through hell or high water (quite literally) wei wuxian rem ains a trashfire gremlin till the end and i love him with my whole heart

in the pt subs wei wuxian calls jiang cheng a stubborn duck and i dearly wish that had come back

my opinions on almost every character goes from love to hate u - Hmm Me Like U - BABY. ILY. and i am Very Pleased w that. its been a while since i loved such a complete cast so much i think

no really. i WONT go into a detailed rant abt what i love about each of these characters and each of their relationships to each other. but i COULD. 

some lan disciples in the loudest whisper ever: YEAH THATS THE JIN BASTARD MENG YAO HEARD THE GOT SUPER HUMILIATED BY HIS DAD LOL SURE HOPE HE DOESNT TAKE SLIGHTS TO HIS CHARACTER TO HEART

lan xichen, immediately: i must Love him 

being into problematic ppl is in the Lan genetics, we come to realize

wen qing deserves so many awards for so many things but not snapping and just stabbing wen chao is at the top 

that scene at lan qirens class where wwx talks about using resentful energy to fight a violent spirit. exquisite.

 It establishes Good Student lan wangji, wei wuxian as curious and questioning and not afraid of taboo,  lwj sees that wwx is not, in fact, a dumb ass hes just a Dumbass,  shows us the audience (esp. a western audience) how shocking the idea of disrupting the dead/dying and controlling resentful energy actually is,  the theoretical foreshadow arguing, everyone else like ‘shUT UP’,  “and how could you ensure that the resentful energy would obey you and not hurt other?” “well i havent thought that far” and of course, lan qiren just straight up lobbing a hard object at wwx head,. chefs kiss

fellas is it gay to bother the hot rule obessessed nerd from ur school and make drawings of him with flowers in his hair and then hide gay porn in his book to antagonize him and ask him to hold ur hand and be ur friend and talk to him all the time and get him drunk and give him bunnies bc you know he likes them and give him a lantern and always want his attention and dedicate yourself to getting him to smile-

and after all of that wwx rly said oh i Admire him, aksd like yeah we all were there in high school buddy

i have Learned. caves = gay.

 accidental marriage +beint physically tied together with the sacred married ribbon+ gay panic+foreshadowing+bunnies! in the cave (1)

the story abt lan yi and baoshan sanren tho. i would like to see it

early days wen bros pull my heart strings like a guqin 

EVERYTHING about the lantern scene; disaster hets jiang yanli and jin zixuan; how wwx made lwj a bunny lantern. how soft and touched lwj was. wwx gleefully pointing out he was smiling and lwj IMMEDIATELY PULLING HIW SWORD ON HIM LMAO. tragically foreshadowy promises to do right by pepople, living without regrets. lwjs 'oh no do i love him??' face. just. all of it. 

i have it on good acc that in the novel lwj is explicitly Repressed Gay Panicked Big Horny which is delightful and rly Adds to the performance

 baby lwj is really just conceal dont feel dont let them know u have EMOTIONS (derogatory)

jiang cheng rly went "why dont.u go play with HIM if u like him so much"

jc and wwx have big BIG annoying sibling energy dont think too hard abt it or youll cry

lotus pier is soo pretty :((((((((((((((((

up until episode 13 you could think this could be a magical ancient chinese gays pride n prejudice w swords and shenanigans ................youre just not prepared for the game of thrones of it all

seriously ha ha ha i cried so much w this show my eyes genuinely swelled up . like. physically. fun timez fun timez

that being said, its hilarious that wen xu goes to cloud recesses like 'come out or ill kill all these hostages' and then DOESNT WAIT FOR AN ASWER AND KILLS THEM ALL IMMEDIATELY. do u know how blackmail works sir

 would like to make it recorded that from day one i was like 'CALL A GODDAMN CULTIVATION G20 THIS ASSHOLE SECT IS LITERALLY MASSACRING YALL!!' and it took them like 3 or 4 massacres to do anything and they STILL sent their heirs into their territory  LIKE

when wwx cites the gusu lan rules to wen chao tho. that rebel/attention whore/cutie pie 'look lan zhan i DID memorize the rules after all' ‘also a big fuck you to the wen sect :D :D’ sweet spot that scene achieves . delicious

all the cultivator young masters being petty af even though they are practically prisoners at the cave is hilarious and i love them

hurt and comfort + gay mistunderstandings + watsonian gay declaration music + accidental evil acquisition! at the cave (2)

its like where do i start? the fact theyre both trapped and kind of heavily injured inside an isolated cave with a murder turtle? wwx gay panicking lwj into coughing up bad blood? lwj being jealous as wwx babbles abt mianmian? telling him he shouldnt play with people and wwx saying he never played him? wwx going Oh. I See what is happening. YOU like mianmian, and lwj absolute done face ??? (iconic) wwx touching the sacred married ribbon Again? the telepathic communication? the sword? WEI WUXIAN ASKING LAN WANGJI TO SING TO HIM AS HE IS PASSING OUT AND LWJ SINGING HIM. THE SONG. HE WROTE. FOR WWX. AND THAT HE CALLED. THEIR SHIP NAME????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

they are SO insufferable pleeeeease

in the words of my friend 1 : “CQL is so gay we were all amazed how it got past the censors Ofc unfortunately it can't be novel level gay But they did their best And we love them for it”

in the theme of songs THIS OST. WUJI HAS BEEN LIVING IN MY MIND RENT FREE SINCE I FIRST HEARD IT the whole ost is so so sO beautiful.

 the costuming in this is also soooo exquisite. the embroidery? the fabrics? the details? how every sect and clan has a distinct style and architecture? (also ik they based each off of dif periods in chinese history which is REALLY fucking cool) just chefs kiss

the direction too!. i enjoy the unusual camera movements and i think they give it that Vibe, also their composition is PARTICULARLY good when it comes to telling the subtext through position of camera/position of character (like nhs off to the side in scenes he at first glance doesnt need to be/ how lwj is often centered when hes Jealous Yearning at wwx being affectionate w other ppl, wwx return from burial mounds etc)

ik madam yu is like Badass Milf Check and shes not getting any mom of the year awards but im delighted at how messy she is. IMAGINE that woman on tiktok

you better have enjoyed gay cave (2) bc its Just Pain from here on out! 

jiang fengmian and madame yu win the Most Dramatic Way to show they do care about each other, actually ..... ever :)

i thought jiang yanli jiang cheng and wei wuxian forcing themselves to escape yunmeng barely holding on after their parents are killed was going to be the height of pain in this show. ha. 

the family dynamics in general on this showwwww, both blood/ adopted/ found families, brotherly bonds and lifelong friendships just. rly. truly. fucked me up. theyre all so important and complicated and well rounded and beautiful and tragic

and beyond being a Win For the Gays im so glad the relationships w wwx and jiang yanli/ wen qing were NOT changed from platonic bc they are so much better like that imo. like maybe if we didnt Live In A Society it wouldnt be so, but the fact wwx and others can love and value them so much and theres nothing romantic or sexual abt it is like. so refreshing. especially @ jyl, with the way he and jc are overprotective of her and shes such a nurturing/care taker figure for them, it would just not vibe as well if they made it romantic

i love that this is a story abt Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch aka Actual Satan/Boogey Man/Village With/Public Enemy Number One , my dude is literally a necromancer who only dresses in black and has evil smokey black tendrils wafting out of him, but the really edgy one is still jiang cheng, pastel purple fashion icon

and speaking of best/worst siblings wei wuxian and jiang cheng *immediately starts crying* 

The Golden Core Transfer i just. no thots only tears 

wen qing and wen ning putting themselves in so much danger just.... to help them. wn saving jc from wen chao. wq finding a way to get wwx to transfer his core. like thinking about the monumental work these two did to help wwx and jyl and jc... jyl trying so fucking hard to be strong and keep on moving and giver her little brothers comfort after losing everything... jiang cheng. losing his parents and his home and his ability to do anything abt it and his complete desperation and lack of self worth and turning on them with agression  when he didnt realize all that they did for him ... hhhhhhhhhhhhh

me, pointing at the whole cast “i just LOVE them mom!!!”

its sad tho, that BARELY ANY of the women have like.... actual important conversations let alone relationships with each other at all in the story. and like wq and jyl have stayed at the same place for extended periods of time, where wq actively took care of her TWICE,  and still! not one measly convo, nothing! ................ .𝓌ₕᵧ

everyone in this show need a good sip of Self Worth and Stop Sacrificing Yourself juice 

ngl the sword flying looks very dumb 

“a-cheng, please bring a-xian back.” “i will, i promise.” ;-;

the whole calling each other by the More Intimate Version of the name, first as teasing and later as true intimacy. mmmhmmm yes

untamed where everythings the same but wwx evil flute song is eoeo

related that scene when wwx comes back from the burial mounds for the first time w demonic cultivation and he acts all formal and calls lwj hanguang-jun and keeps being evasive and distant and mean and soooooo................. facetious 

and how hes kind of desperately trying to keep intense lwj at bay (A FIRST) and avoiding actually talking to either of them and its all tension ughhh and then he MOCKS his and lwjs relationship, he jokes w him in this like... mean echo of their usual ~banter~ oof 

 and like!!! uncertain but so relieved jc who just HUGS him w no reservations for once and its not like he isnt just as worried as lwj abt wwx and what hes doing, but he chooses in that moment to enjoy getting him back first and mmhmMMMmMm yes (maybe my favorite scene in the whole show? MAYBE SO. ) 

highkey hurt me but also. i might be into mean wwx. i will take no criticism.

lan zhans sad eyes tho :((((((((( 

on one hand i wish we could have seen what happened at the burial mounds but on the other the timeskip adds so much flair to his return so im hnnn

also i love that hes been missing for 3 months reappears kinda melancholic and bloodthirsty and knowing malign tricks and jc is like 'so. are u sad bc of lan wangji'

when ur bae survived the war but he thinks ur evil/ might be evil so you cant kiss :///

hmmm talking at the rooftop under the moonlight not mentioning everything that stands between usssss

they are the two jades of lan and we’ll be the two heroes of yunmeng is the type of line u dont even need to know whats gonna happen to know thats gonna be sad

when they fight wen ruoshan at the nightless city i thought that was the battle we see at the first ep and its not and its so easy and theyre all like ‘yayy we won go wwx!’ i was just. SCREAMS WHAT is gonna HAPPEN

so like. post burial mounds/sunshot campaign pre yiling patriarch wwx is like. ultra arrogant, ultra mocking, peak lil shit and it gave me e v e r y t h i n g i wanted

even tho having the wen prisoners at the targets at phoenix mountain and still having wwx and jzx shooting the arrows was???? so.... tone deaf 

wwx: fucking w demonic energy   jyl: he has never done anything wrong in his life, ever <3 <3 (mood)

the parallels between meng yao/wei wuxian (and even xue yang a bit?) are Seen and they are Valid

wwx post burial mounds: can yall SHUT UP abt the goddamn sword (suibian left the chat)

LIKE truly, we talk abt the angst and yearning with wangxian. but what abt wwx and suibian. xianbian / xianqing angst and comfort 100k

take a shot everytime someone coughs up blood

zidian is simply the coolest spiritual weapon rip to suibian and chenqing and bichen and sendou and baixa........ but tis the truth 

cons: everyones families died in a nightmare war! everyones homes burned to the ground! everyone is traumatized! pros: everyone gets cooler clothes and weapons!!

wen ning and a-yuan and yanli bestest babes squad dont touch me rn

everyone: brooding and fighting                                                                wq and jyl: why dont you try some acupunture/drinking some soup and calm down huh? how abt that bitch?? 

showing the battle/massacre at the nightless city first was genius actually bc then everytime we have a cute scene w yunmeng bros and theyre like 'we'll be together forever! uwu' youre like oh. oh no. oh no no no. 

justice vs lawfulness vs means and ends 👁

jc: stay in the right path and practice the art of the sword                        wx: yeah thats not gonna happen chief

my reaction to wwx renouncing to the sect politics to help the wens was just that elmo burning gif in succession

the dramatic rain. wen qing desperately calling out to wen ning. the ghosts/puppets killing the guards. how terrifying wn actually was while wwx was controlling him :( lwj goeing after him to try and stop him and then he just; he Sees him and understands him even if he cant actually do anything about it other than let them go. 

“there must be somewhere in this earth we can go to :(((((((((”

"IF I HAVE TO FIGHT THEM, I'D RATHER IT BE YOU. DYING BY YOUR HANDS WOULD AT LEAST BE WORTH IT." oh my god oh my god oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddd

also lwjs umbrella is white w black smoke.. .  . nice

yiling patriarch / demonic farming burial mounds settlement is like one of my favorite concepts. they an "EVIL" FARMING COMMUNITY LED BY THE VILLAGE WITCH COME ON

they planted TURNIPS and LOTUS FLOWERS and ONE (1) baby and made lanterns and a common hall :(((((((

wen qing and wei wuxian, baddest bitches and genius science best friends i absolutely LOVED to see it. they rly went ‘is anyone gonna sibling/project partner that’ and didnt wait for an answer

both wwx and jyl getting lotus ponds at the burial mounds and in lanling bc they miss lotus pier ;;;;;;;w

;;;;; wish jyl had actually gone into the burial mounds. we were robbed of jyl and wq meeting again and jyl meeting a-yuan and seeing the settlement and the homes and all ;w; at least jc did go, stab wounds and broken arms and all

wwx like... having thrown his whole life away to help the wens (yeah the sect leaders and jin guangshan in particular wanting his stygian tiger amulet was an Element but still) and not.... necessarily regretting it, but grappling with all of the consequences of it... becoming moody and drepressed at times, missing his family and lotus pier and his friends and probably simply missing being around people and causing trouble, extrovert that he is, lashing out at the wens and at a-yuan, just in general the whole messiness of that experience

the way the resentful energy does affect his temperament is rly nice bc its not too in your face,(i mean outside of the Shaky Hands of Rage) but like he clearly has a much lesser control on his anger and impulsivity (tall order) than both before bm and after hes ressurected

on that note A-YUAN BABIEST BABY BOY BEST BOY

lan zhan being like oh hey there wei ying fancy meeting u and our son here. just passing by u know how it is hmmmmMm and then PLOT TWIST having defied orders to go see him and being punished for it. oof;;

 they habent seen each other in like? a year? and now theyre tgt 10 seconds and are already parenting a child together

also lwj rly kneels down in the snow way too much to be healthy

wwx: calm down guyssss i wont lose control of demonic cultivation omgggg  .   spoiler alert: he loses control of demonic cultivation

did u enjoy cute children? good bc now the Real Pain Begins

jiang yanli and jin zixuan rly out there APROPRIATING both disaster gays AND bury ur gays huh ;w;

i KNEW jin lings birthday was gonna fuck something up but the GASP that left my body when wwx lost control of wn and killed jin zixuan .. . . 

im sorry and thank you aaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaAAAAA 

when wen ning and wen qing were telling wwx their plan i was saying NO NO NO NO NO NO out loud in despair 

also can we talk abt how wq is definetely talking about only the both of them surrending themselves but then? everyone else just surrenders w them? IT MAKES NO SENSE LIKE WHY WOULD THEY what would be the Point

 sometimes there are some pretty gaping jumps in logic and continuity that are just like                     ?          ?

wwx: oh so when you try to murder me its justified but when i survive through dark magic and murder all of you its a "war crime"

unsurprisingly, his most feral, most spiraling moment talking to the sect leaders on the roof and attacking them and even fighting lan zhan is among my favorite scenes... its like, so painful to watch but also   so       thrilling   (and maybe my wen bbs dying arose some resentful energy in me what can i say) 

and its JUST, all they ever wanted was to do good but then... war. and trauma. and hubris. 

jiang cheng on the ground clearly thorn between what to do and feel is a Mood, lets just say

i was already crying when jyl showed up, but if i wasnt-

 i suffered SO MUCH through this series trying to figure out WHY jc would kill wwx. and when i understood. its somehow not as bad as i thought and also MUCH MUCH WORSE

a look into my group chat during the last flashback episodes:

SO ANYWAY. after the BLOOD BATH and RIPPING YOUR HEART OUT and FEEDING IT TO YOU  the untamed goes ‘ayy back to the present!! tu du dud ud du’ 

literally it ends a quarter into an episode and then KEEPS GOING i had to pause and stare blankly at the ceiling for an hour

babie cultivators and detective soulmates . i do need some cute after All of That 

(not that the pain is over LOL)

lwj is significantly less emotionally repressed in the present and its delightful. hes just ALL IN with wwx. and not just in the ‘i would and have killed various men and risked my reputation for you’ but also ‘ur tired here have a drink i brought it up cause i know u like it and it want you to be happy, always’

“when everyone praised me and wanted my power, you were the only one that challenged me. now that everyone hates me and wants me dead, youre the only one that stands by my side.” hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

and just filling in the blanks how lan zhan searched for him. for all of those 16 years he searched for him and was punished for it and raised a-yuan, the only survivor of the burial mounds settlement, as his own in gusu......

and jiang cheng.  being the tough love uncle . having raised the yunmeng jiang clan from the rubble all alone, his whole family dead, some of it on the blame of his own brother, his siblings, his closest friends gone.......and only jin ling there needing his guidance. 

THE PARALLEL BETWEEN JIN LING BEING A LIFELINE FOR JIANG CHENG AND A-YUAN FOR LAN WANGJI AFTER THE BATTLE AT THE NIGHTLESS CITY  

great now i made myself sad

and like . the fact! that lwj and jc dislike each other!!. jc projects blame onto him for wwx both “leaving” him and indirectly causing their families deaths and when hes so consumed by it he makes wwx an enemy, lwj is there now? trying to protect him?? and lwj, who can never understand the pain that wwx , indirectly or not put jc through, but who was right there when jc tried to kill him and will never allow him to hurt wwx again. and how they like. in a way project blame of their tragedies onto each other while dealing with some type of survivor guilt and in their own way still loving wwx through it all???  amd in way its kind of fundamentally selfish but also tragically understandable? and like when u put it against the fact that after he disappears during the sunshot campaign they were looking for him together and fought together??

JUST. THE CHARACTERS. AND THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS. MAN. UGH. GOD. 

and like i think thats what makes it so good? its such a sad and painful and violent story, edgy even, but its compelling bc at the center of it there are all of these relationships and different types of love and hope and. :( i love it

enough crying lets talk abt wwx sleeping at the jingshi with lwj and wearing his under garment for a minute 🙏

 jin ling just has that Was Raised by JC energy tho lmao i love him

babie cultivator squad is the perfect ammount of cute and comedic relief while still bearing the weight? of the narrative in a way, both from sizhui and jin lings existences, and also. like. how do i put this. they feel hopeful? they were born after a war, they came of age at a time of relative peace, they dont hold on so closely to the resentments of their parents/father figures, they are specifically shown as more accepting and open minded. and its like.... Hope for the future  

one of the ?? things  i love the most is the fact that the main cast are often in situations where theyre hunted/running but they like. never wear disguises... just going around in their gorgeous expensive clan clothes and hair ornaments and distinctive spiritual weapons.... maybe w a straw hat on, just for kicks

wwx teacher 🥺🥺🥺

so this is why its called Yi City Misery huh

a-qing is such. an icon. im so sad. my girl even knew to leave xys dumb self rotting by the road but no one listens to her thats why theyre all dead or sad 

her and xue yang measuring each other up was so entertaining lmao

 its the funniest thing when hes like. HERES MY SAD STORY. FOR WHY IM A SADISTIC MURDERER. I BROKE MY HAND ONCE. 

like ok someone broke his hand in a horrible way, and like Poverty, i get it but also like.......... that lost the brunt of a proper sob story like, 50 sadistic murders ago bby

and i love that xingchen does not entertain that for a second hes like ‘not ?????? good enough???’ and the best thing is he wasnt even like 'u hadto be the bigger person' or sth but ' well then break that dudes hand back, rip his arm off for i care, what do the rest of us have to do w anything???” 

anjo sensato :(

xue yang is like..... the sexy sadistic evil version of a himbo..... a meanbo...

the fucked upness of xy’s feelings for xxc/ xxc and sl feelings for each other... like my dude literally gave his bf HIS EYES. and xy getting so attached to xxc .... the fucked up fake domesticity.... having him hurt sl..... then desperately trying to bring him back ...................... oof

song lan........... literally had his eyes AND tongue removed, his bfs eyes put in place, was almost killed, turned into a puppet by his bf unknowingly, manipulated by xy, sees his bf killing himself in despair.... and STILL finds the strenght to get up from there, and keep on traveling and helping people and attempting to fix xxcs soul.......... like, my man. damn. 

wangxian looking at songxiao and seeing an Actually more painful parallel for themselves. ft. that Color Coding. 

THE A-YUAN/SIZHUI REVEAL PUNCHED ME IN THE HEART but in a good way for a change

should have know that he would be the Best Boy the cute one w all the braincells

the butterfly AND the bunny lantern. i see how it is

u know is very convenient that no one can see the stark black veins on wen nings neck, ever 

BAT WEN NING 

wns face when lwj comes into wwx room like ‘:0 omg did u two finally get your shit together? good for you master wei good for u’ 

(they didnt) (yet)

DISASTER DRUNK LWJ. JUST. THRUST SOME CHICKENS TO SHOW UR RESSURECTED BAE THAT U LOVE THEM.

i have absolutely no idea WHY they gave lwj the same punishment for fighting his own sect/allies to protect the burial mounds as when they got drunk on cloud recess class days.... like? its such a ... emotional continuity error again

also is lwj gonna get an actual friend besides wwx , ever

mianmian marrying and having a family and a cute life after saying FUCK U AND UR SYSTEM TOO in a much less unhinged and dramatic way than wwx......... fills me w joy

also lol the idea that like. her husband not knowing that shes friends w satan/the boogey man/the village witch is hilarious

i love nie mingjue bc hes the resident Though Guy but also the most dramatic bitch in this show and thats Saying Something

jin ling cant have one uneventful relative can he

the fact that everyone present already knew “mo xuanyu” was wwx at the stairs is so funny, their faces are like ‘oh............ wow. that. sure is a development. shock” 

in the tradition of extremely loud whispers wwx tells lwj with twelve guards standing like one meter away from them: HEY PSH LAN ZHAN PRETEND IM FORCING YOU TO STAY W ME DO IT

oh my god oh my god

the absolute Yearning on his face when he leaves wwx and a-yuan at the burial mounds and refuses to stay for dinner was already Enough but the fact?? they brought it back?? to this declaration of love?? their expressions??????? strike me dead right now just go ahead

lFor Legal Reasons We Cant Kiss but we will have a very sappy declaration of love and trust and look at each other in way that is the actualization of 💞💘💗💖💓💘💞💗💖💘💗💖💕💞

also icb all the sect leaders and guards are standing there watching them say they like like each other with a dozen swords pointing at their neck

i enjoyed the depiction of the fickle public perception and how easily it can be used to scapegoat people. when the sect leaders turn on jgy and wwx knows thats its more for convenience than anything else...

poor lxc is literally like 'oh so when YOUR problematic boyfriend gets called evil its a misunderstanding but when its MY problematic bf-'

ok like i cant get over nmj let jgy play a song that messed with his temperament at all, like maN u KNEW he might be shady wth

wwx: “hey dont say anything bad abt lan zhan hes not an arrogant dick, thats just his face. 

ME ON THE OTHER HAND"

the cultivators as wwx is poking holes in their narrative is literally *nazaré meme*

"wei wuxian-!" "what did i break your leg, too?" not to be problematic but i laughed so hard

not as hard as "you dont have the rank to talk to me " tho

i Enjoy that, over the course of story, wwx sees that... theres nothing truly to Do, but move on. he saw how his arrogance and his mistakes hurt others, and hes trying to fix what he can, but he already did die for his mistakes and there are things he cant fix and that's. just how it is. even towards jgy, the narrative doesn't go gleefully and completely with "lets make THEM pay bc theyre the big bad" bc its not that simple, and it wouldn't lead anywhere but more pain...

re him and jiang cheng and the wens and kinda. isnt that what nhs did? scheming to displace jgy out of revenge more than any justice and doing so in the most painful way?

idk if that actually makes sense im truly just babbling

i thought the scene at the lotus pond would be CUTE but the context was PAIN again

jiang cheng finding out about his golden core and his conflict with wwx at the guanyin temple .... destroyed me but in a nice way kinda.... same way it destroys him look at his face oh god

and. the fact??? he sacrificed himself for wwx?? first?? and he'll probably never tell anyone much less wwx???? keeps me up at night

i havent decided if the neckbreak transition between jgy does sth super Evil or does he he does OR Does He yes he does O R does heeeee is sth i dislike or not

jin guangyao and wei wuxians most interesting parallel is that... theyve both seen 'hmm hey this system is fucked up' and wwx went 'so fuck it all i will renounce it and challenge it' and jgy went 'so fuck it i will use all of it to my advantage and manipulate it to my goals and whims'

the fact jgys mom was actually great and he loved her and his whole issue w it was more than simply being ashamed of being a bastard kinda got me ngl

never trust a dude with a fan.

nhs and jgy: the first rule to a convoluted and decades spanning violent revenge plot is to have fun and be yourself! 

when a-yuan finally FINALLY remembers ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; wen ning has someone in his family back and a-yuan has someone to talk abt his wen family and wwx has him back bc he survived and lwj raised him anD HES THEIR SON. THEYRE MARRIED AND HAVE A SON. UGH.

and theyre allowed to heal. everyone is allowed to try and recover and be happy

netflix put all of the 3 endings on top of each other and it looks kinda weird actually BUT I DONT EVEN MIND :’’’’’’’’’)

the gasp that left me when lwj says ‘wei ying’ and wwx turns.........

there was also a screen with ‘thank you mxtx for creating these characters, we hope their wishes come true’ and i might. have cried then too. maybe. 

that was . a ride. as is proven by this behemot of a ramble clearly i just really needed and Outlet. i am currently trying to convince dumb monkey brain to not consume the other medias of mdzs immediately bc i REALLY need to like. live. a life. and take care of real responsibilities.  *longest oh boi ever*

[torishasupremacy]

my slowly deteriorating hot takes on total drama finalists (spoiler, im not a fan of most)

TDI

Owen - nah. I mean, he’s one of the nicest characters, but he just wasn’t finale material for this season to me. I think there are more interesting/deserving characters that could have been put in his place

Gwen - this may be controversial, but... also no. while she did win several challenges, she was always pretty apathetic and it felt like a lot of her personality was wrapped up in her relationships with heather and trent (though I haven't watched the second half of the season in a while so I may be remembering wrong). definitely not the worse choice, but there are some other girls (*cough*leshawna*cough*courtney*) that I would've rather seen win

TDA

Beth - she’s just a really odd choice. she felt like a filler character for the whole season and it didn't feel like she added much in terms of character interactions/drama. she had her whole fake boyfriend schtick, and the “nice girl” thing but I feel like she really wasn't an important/compelling enough character to make it to the finale

Duncan - one of the better choices so far, but still not great, in my opinion. the chemistry for this finale is just wonky, I feel like duncan has some great finalist potential but it wasn't it

TDWT

Alejandro & Heather

probably the only final 2 I dont have any complaints about. this rivalry was great. world tour had iffy writing, but there was some good buildup between these two, and it’s nice to see heather come so far. the volcano scene where heather tricked him?? iconic. not a huge fan of the 3rd-6thish place choices but we got where we needed to be with this final two. wish heather got to keep the money though

TDROTI

Cameron & Lightning

dont remember anything ab the finale including who won when I watched it. but im not really a fan of cameron making it this far when it feels like a lot more tougher/more dynamic characters easily could've beat him. didn’t like lightning initially but im warming up to him. this season overall is really forgettable to me so idk what conclusion to draw here

TDAS

Mike & Zoey

ughhhhhhhh. these two were kept on for way too long, fresh, your favoritism is showing. this whole finale was whack. would've been great to see a courtney v. scott or courtney v. gwen finale (okay maybe im the one with favoritism but I want courtney to make it to a finale pleaseeee)

TDPI

Sky - dont remember the second half of this season too well, but I do like how motivated sky’s character is, and I definitely think she deserved her spot at the finale

Shawn - dont get me wrong, i like shawn. I think he was written well for having such a huge zombie gag going on, he’s still a likable and compelling character, at least in my opinion. but... I think jasmine shouldve had this spot in the finale. I dont remember how she was eliminated but I think her v. sky would've been really interesting

TDRR

Police Cadets - absolutely. I love them. macarthur can be annoying half the time but she’s still lovable, and they balance each other out, especially after macarthur realizes how badly her choices can hurt sanders and is more aware. idgaf ab those random lines with brody, these two are lesbian coded and theres nothing you can do about it. “we were already partners”?? beautiful. I think they worked hard and really deserved this. the only downside is that they’re training to be cops

Surfer Dudes - I have... mixed feelings. there could have been a lot worse choices. what really gets my noggin going is them coming back to the game so late. it feels like they didn’t quite earn their spot. but then again, they were only able to come back because they purposefully lost to be fair to the best friends in that cave challenge. while the timing is not my favorite, I like that the guys who were always kind to others and played by the rules no matter how their competition treated them won. I just think it’s a good message to send

[beizhuo]

alright folks , i made this post last night about amending my carrd rules . & now , after calming somewhat down from getting sick to my stomach about it , i must now make one final update post about this to make people really & fully understand where i stand . why ? because i am , once again , having / needing to finely comb through the people i want to follow & interact with due to some very , VERY toxic behavior & terrible , childish individuals that think its real cute to stalk , harrass , steal , & gatekeep folks . 

understand that i will NOT be namedropping anybody in this post . this is not my intention . i am not out here to isolate folks or make people ‘ chose sides ’ . making people do that is absolutely horrible ! i do not give a damn who other people interact with . i do , however have extreme issues with theft ( amongst other things ) . i can draw a god damn line at theft ! 

harassment ? don’t care . you’re trolling , i can ignore you . gatekeeping . you’e petty and attention seeking im here for friends anyway . but actual literal theft - i can draw a line there . please get out & OFF MY BLOG if you are so unoriginal that you haveta steal from me or my friends !

please know that you can interact with those thieves & gatekeepers , i don’t care ! but understand that i will most likely softblock you because i genuinely do not want them to find me . no hard feelings . ( they have found my other 2 blogs , and i am tired of them finding me ! especially for baizhu ! i don’t even follow some of my friends here cause of this ! ) i am not even in the genshin community to begin with . my group ? we don’t do communities for toxic behavior and people being so exclusive to the point of driving people out & away . its distasteful and mean ! do you know that i have some friends that were cut off from communities entirely all because they were a dupe ? tHAT is the kind of dupe drama i fucking hate . along with theft . anyway . i will start from the beginning of my rules that i deem important .

DUPLICATES . ( AND MIMICRY / THEFT )

the irony that this is the first point . it is like it was a wonderful transition . anyway . this is actually having to deal with two rule points . and i want to group them together cause they are related .

myself & a few other people have come to find out that .... there is somebody AT THE VERY LEAST taking inspo from us . i will start with dupes .

my friend has a character and was WHOLLY mistaken for another mun . which is fine . that happens , but things took a turn for the worse when they were then shunned / cut off because they werent ‘ good enough ’ . do you know how HORRIBLE that is ? to be told that you aren’t good because you weren’t the mun that they wanted ? this is the type of shit i cannot stand with dupe drama . DO NOT EVER COMPARE DUPES WITH ONE ANOTHER !!! i mean it . 

i follow different childes ! and you know what i adore them both . they are both amazing ! 

sure i may have my mains / exclusives ( and im not inclined to interact with other blogs of that same character ) but i still like portrayals . i do , in fact , just READ threads sometimes . i don’t necessarily follow for interactions . like ffs man . i like variety . jesus christ .

going to mimicry / theft . you know ... i have fucking seen this with a couple of friends . there is a difference between coincidental similarities , however ! for myself & for my friends , we have SEEN inspo taken from us . im gonna say this really loud for people .

MIMICRY IS NOT FUCKING FLATTERY . 

do not take inspo from me . especially without credit . absolutely do NOT do it . you are very unoriginal for doing that shit . 

now , you like something i make / made ? you are inspired to want to make something ? fine , that’s okay , you can ALSO fucking ask me , you can also credit me . as you fucking should ! you can notify me and go , damn , i really like your style , do you mind if i use it in xyz ? sure , go right ahead . do it . im begging you , go ahead and do it IF YOU FUCKING ASK ME . god im so fucking angry about this , but this is some vile shit . and im angry .

i am angry and terrified cause i literally cannot get away from these people cause they seem to be wherever i go . i DO NOT DO COMMUNITIES BECAUSE OF THIS .

as a good friend said : it’s like they are a virus that you cannot get rid of .

thats what happens with attention seekers unfortunately , but for the sake of my safety & health , i will not have it on my blog or dash . if i see these people on my dash often , i will unfollow .

and it isn’t like a specific person , its a GROUP of people . which leads me to my next point .

DRAMA / CALLOUTS.

imagine having beef with an individual , and then going around and gatekeeping that individual and getting people to unfollow / block them . im not talking about , ‘ hey this person is vile because they ship incest ’ . i am talking about ‘ i had a disagreement with this person & they hurt my feelings >:/ they are mean and will hurt you . etc etc etc . ’ 

i do not give a flying fuck about somebodies issues with another person . so you guys don’t get along . not my problem . i have people that hate me . i have friends where i hate their friends . shit happens . i am probably absolute scum to some people lol . i get mistaken for other people sometimes . it’s fine , hate me cause you think im that person . that person is snowflake repellent anyway , go choke on your kool aide that you are drinking ig . 

okay sorry i am angry but still . people claim and cry about wanting to talk & communicate . but then . guess what . sometimes shitty people are like , so this person said this to me , and they are mean . IF YOU ARE THE PERSON THAT GOES ‘ OH MY GOD HOW DARE THEY ’ AND BLOCK THEM THEN YOU ARE THE PROBLEM . i will give an example . of using my two names that i have .

somebody goes to amphy and says ‘omg ghost said this , and im frustrated and angry with them cause what he said was uncalled for . ’ if amphy goes ‘ omg ghost is shitty ’ and then unfollows / blocks them without any other discussion , then thats an issue cause ghost has no idea wtf happen . amphy got involved in YOUR relationship with ghost even though ghost has been nothing but kind and sweet to you . you also don’t know if amphy is just victimising or being emotional either . so why they fuck would you believe somebody who is venting to you about it and then block somebody who did literally NOTHING to you .

i dont know if i explained that correctly but i will give you something more realistic , again without namedropping .

i have a few friends that hate one another . i’ve known all of them for years . but they all , i kid you not , they ALL fucking hate each other . there’s three of them . and they cannot stand each other . i just happen to be somebody who gets along with all of them . you bet your ass that at one point , they all came to talk mad shit about the others . what did i do ? i went , oh okay . well im sorry that you have issues with them . sounds like a bad experience , but i can’t do anything about that cause i am not you and i am not them . if you are gonna change my mind , it isn’t gonna happen , sorry !

i have had people shit talk people i have no idea who they are , and i just sit here just being a source for them to vent , but i never NEVER EVER act on anything i hear . why ? cause its petty drama and gossip . if you do that , then damn , sorry kiddo , get some help on that alright ? maybe be nicer . i dunno .

now . racism ? pedophilia ? incest ? HARMFUL SHIT ? that’s different . but again , theres a lot of miscommunication . i have people coming and pulling the cards like they are hot shit  and that isn’t fucking cute . THAT ISN’T CUTE GUYS . you are the problem if you try to victimize yourself cause of something YOU misinterpreted .

i have a friend that has this on their blog .

i am literally going off on a god damn tangent . anyway . :) 

fuck you if drink kool aide .

THERE ARE OTHER MENTAL DISORDERS! YOU ARE ABLEIST IS YOU ERASE THE OTHER (UN)COMMON ONES.

i know that autism is the ‘common’ one here . you are valid okay . but guess what . ADHD , BPD, DiD, and straight up depression and anxiety are also things as well ! there are MANY folks here that are also undiagnosed as well OR they lay on some sort of spectrum as well . I am once again not going to disclose my own things here cause again THAT IS PRIVATE INFO , but fuck you if you refuse to see other disabilities .

also there are physical disabilities as well btw .

if you are not understanding of any other disability , or you wanna mute / deafen other mental disorders , YOU ARE THE FUCKING PROBLEM .

end of story . 

treat other people how you want them to treat you and don’t you dare ever shove your baggage at them . thanks . 

please be more understanding that some people are not okay:tm: . 

i implore you to get help if you need help , but sometimes some people dont have to take your shit . and they most certainly do not need to sit and take your issues if they are not okay either . its toxic and very unhealthy behavior to expect others to help you . they can help you as best as they can , but you need to understand that everybody has their moments . do not guilttrip them . do not gaslight them . 

but also understand that sometimes , people are saying things cause they genuinely need help ! you can be there for them but as a friend , you need to also tell them your own boundaries as well and tell them that they need to seek professional help .

but also , if somebody refuses to get help , then that is on them . not on you . 

anyway another tangent , but back to the point . autism , while you need to understand is something you need to see and understand , is not the only mental disorder ! and you need to understand that some people suffer from really REALLY shitty things and are sometimes undiagnosed . i am really REALLY tired of depression , ADHD , BPD, and DiD getting brushed under the rug like they are not important . cause guess what , there are spectrums ! all mental health is important . fuck you if you disregard the other disorders , you are being ableist .

STOP HATE READING PEOPLE.

im really sick and tired of this . you don’t like something somebody said ? you can either : ask what they meant or block / unfollow them . 

DO NOT FUCKING STALK THEM EITHER . 

you have an obsession if you hover on their blog too .. do not do that . that is SO unhealthy for you . here is what a friend said on twitter . ( not name dropping them , just copy pasting them )

❛ i stg people need to fine a better hobby than to hate read a persons blog or profile. not a good look on you when you go and read what they post about just to get angry at something you think they said and then you go off spewing lies about it cause 'youre offended.'  

like you already hate them in the first place. you weren’t 'looking to see if they were a better person.' youre just looking to find another thing to hate about them. 

that is what hate reading is about. so you can read their posts and find just another reason to hate and laugh at how bad you think they are.

but it doesnt make you a better person. it just makes you a sad person with no life. stop hate reading people. grow tf up. go breathe on some plants or something idk.

i say this very loud and clear . if you hate read me , i live in your head rent free . not my problem . but it does become my problem if you begin to steal shit and start spewing lies about myself or my friends . grow up and move on with your life . sorry my life seems more interesting than you ig . idk .

anway this got long , and at this point i am going off on a tangent but !!!!

TL ; DR

read my rules ig . idk .

you can dm me for more info if you want . at this point i have blocked the problem blogs for myself. if you are curious you can ask . HOWEVER. i am not going to tell you to block or unfollow . why ? cause at the end of the day , it is MY beef . this are my issues . i am NOT here to gatekeep .

i will say that i will tell you IN private the for MY story . but keep in mind that it is MY story . not yours . not theirs . it is all about perception .

my perception is that they are scummy gatekeeping thieves . they gatekeep the people they dont like or are intimidated by . i am somebody who fucking bites and calls people out on their shit , because of this ? i make enemies . but my enemies are not yours . i dont care .  dont give a damn . i am intimidating to people who are cowards and i don’t care . 

if they feel bad when i call them out , if they try to go around and do damage control , then that means they are guilty .

and then you can ask yourself this : why are they reacting like that ?

i am once again going to bring up that other twitter user that i quoted before .

❛  you dont like hearing that because someone is holding a mirror up to you and it makes you uncomfortable because you know you . and you know the parts of you that are good . so in your heart you have to come up with a narrative that makes you feel better about the fact that somebody is asking your to confront the parts about yourself that you hate the most .

anyway . this got long . im so sorry for the long read . im so sorry i sounded hostile ad angry . im just volatile sometimes . im just really tired . and i dont need to come on this blog and have a panic attack . 

anyway . cheers loves ! stay happy , stay healthy . drink your fluids . take your meds !

[comicteaparty]

December 18th-December 24th, 2019 Reader Favorites Archive

The archive for the Reader Favorites chat that occurred from December 18th, 2019 to December 24th, 2019.  The chat focused on the following question:

What tropes and/or clichés are you perfectly fine with seeing in the webcomics you read?

Deo101

Like all of the cutesy cheesy relationship tropes. I love them all and I always will! Plenty more, but I find myself getting caught up in the relationship tropes the most. Specifically friends to lovers, but I also really like the found family trope. I know there are more tropes that I love but I can't think of them off the top of my head, so I'll probably just agree with others as the week goes on

indogswetrust

pass me the slow burn romance please thaaaanks

Deo101

that one too. Also hurt/comfort. Pump those into my VEINS they are my lifeblood... I shamelessly put every trope I want into my work so I can't judge other people for doing the same

indogswetrust

i’m trash

I’ve become more sssssophisticated as I’ve gotten older but I know what I like in a webcomic.

And it’s Adorable Behavior (tm)

Deo101

I've gotten less sophosticated. I thought I got more sophisticated but turns out I just got less shameful about the things i like

indogswetrust

Haha

I mean I used to really be fixated on comedy and now I’m more okay with things being ambiguous and complex? Ingress is a good example. I might have put it down two years ago but now I wanna see where Spicer and Toivo’s journey takes them

Fixated isn’t the exact word. whatever

Deo101

No I get you! Realizing you like more than just one thing and expanding your horizons is really important!

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I love the enemies-to-lovers trope. Any time a pair of characters goes from ‘I hate your guts’ to ‘take me now’ I’m loving it. That is, so long as one of them wasn’t being outright abusive during their ‘hate’ phase.

indogswetrust

Man that’s a delicate balance but also

Deo101

^ Fully agree. I just get a little too anxious about the "enemies" side of thing and worry they wont fully grow into lovers I guess! But if it's done well, Its an especially good one

carcarchu

i second the enemies-to-lovers thing i will never get enough of that trope

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

thirded

if I even smell a hint of it in a story, provided it's not overtly violent or abusive or otherwise horrible... I am hooked

kayotics

Fourthed... it’s a good trope

keii4ii

Now I feel like the odd one out for being neutral toward that trope. I definitely enjoy good examples of it, but otherwise completely neutral?

Evolving relationships is a good thing in general though, and enemies to lovers does fall in that category.

keii4ii

I have a soft spot for long lost superadvanced civilizations being unearthed. While it doesn't guarantee I'll fall in love with the story, it WILL grab my attention and at least get me to check it out.

renieplayerone

I dont really have any strong opinions on any tropes, but theres a really good channel on youtube that goes through and critiques tropes. I find it really useful for writing. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDb22nlVXGgcljcdyDk80bBDXGyeZjZ5e

keii4ii

(Please don't let my weirdness ruin anyone's enjoyment of the trope though, lol. I'm all for celebrating what you like! was just genuinely wondering if I'm the only one who's neutral about it!)

keii4ii

Also not an overarching story trope, but more like a type of a scene... I really like this thing (if this is a trope please tell me what it's called XD) A, B, C are friends. A and B are bffs. C is not as close. B talks to C about this while A is away. This is an honest conversation, not a malicious one. B learns to see A in a way they hadn't before, and it strengthens the B-A friendship. I'm not likely to start reading a story just because I know it contains this scene. But if a story I already like has this scene, it is likely to be my favorite scene!(edited)

I guess part of the reason why I like it so much is, it shows that the relationship (the B-A one in this case) is not insular. It's a real relationship between real people, who also have relationships outside of it, and the relationships have an influence on each other.

(And that's a lot of "relationship"s in a paragraph...)

eli [a winged tale]

Positive relationships and healthy navigations between relationship and life problems are my jam The enemies to lovers trope can be gripping because you get an additional conflict on top of tension. I thought the novel Red White & Royal Blue did a good job at that. Grant Snyder did a trope bingo for murakami and I thought it was fun to do the same for my works in progress. For reference: the murakami one https://www.google.com/amp/s/news.avclub.com/here-s-how-to-play-haruki-murakami-bingo-as-you-read-hi-1798271345/amp

keii4ii

omg

I NEED TO MAKE THIS for me/ comics I read

I mean I don't have a whole lot of stories, but it would be interesting to see what kind of common items get checked off across mine + my favorite comics combined

Capitania do Azar

wow I've been thinking about it a lot and I'm having a very hard time selecting the tropes I like best... I'm more of a "I know what I don't like and taking that aside I like being surprised"

Cronaj

All I can say is... Red Oni, Blue Oni (https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RedOniBlueOni). This trope is seriously so good. My favorite thing about this trope is that the "Red Oni," or the hot-headed one, and the "Blue Oni," the cold or level-headed one, can be either friends or enemies. So it makes for a beautiful dynamic no matter what type of story it is. Buddy cops, competitors in the workplace, brothers, enemies, the straight man and the fool, you name it. Typically these characters are foils of each other, and their differencesbalways make for exceedingly fun interactions. Another favorite trope of mine, which I don't really know the name of, is where the seemingly hot/handsome guy is actually a dork who has no idea what he's doing. Everyone in the story thinks he's done everything, but really he's just a dopey, niave possibly shy and definitely clumsy virgin. But the social awkwardness only makes him inexplicably more appealing to the other lead. Cute

Ah! Another trope I have to add because it's basically my crack: Androids Are People, Too (https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AndroidsArePeopleToo). I have loved this trope since before Detroit: Become Human, but the game certainly rekindled my love for it. Very genre-specific, but AI fascinate me to no end, whether it's in the real world, or in Sci-Fi.

eli [a winged tale]

Haha Cronaj are you me? Contrasting characters and robots who have feelings can get me hooked straight away

indogswetrust

lemme tell y’all about a trope I’ve noticed: the crazy lesbian. Like, The Favorite and Killing Eve and that Netflix movie about the violinists. Whoof. I am so tired of that

Cronaj

Hahahaha! I dunno maybe. I also have a protagonist in one of my novels named Eli.

eli [a winged tale]

The cute nerd who is fumbling but appeared to have it all together may lean towards the Mary Sue for me but if there is a true flaw (Tm) then I’m down

indogswetrust

I feel like gay men characters have been getting humanized and happy endings and that’s awesome! But lesbians have not been getting the same treatment.

bumbling and romantically inept nerds fuel me

eli [a winged tale]

What do you mean about the lesbian part, indogswetrust? I’m curious to know of the differences as I’m currently writing both

Cronaj

@eli [a winged tale] YES. I'm not gonna lie, I have definitely used more than one of these tropes XD And one of them may or may not be the fumbling hottie...

eli [a winged tale]

I wanted to link my trope bingo but thought it went against the pinned rules I can DM it to you if you’re interested and I’d love to play everyone else’s bingos

Cronaj

Oh hell yes. Lesgooooooo!

I have never made a trope bingo, but I really should

indogswetrust

Like, Love, Simon or Call Me By Your Name show gay men as people slowly falling in love and it’s tender and kind. But The Favorite literally has animal abuse in it and women sleeping with each other for power. I walked out of the theater. Same for Killing Eve, it’s about a spy and a murderer. High intrigue and drama but it’s obviously a toxic relationship from the premise

eli [a winged tale]

Oh no! You should check out Their Story by Tan Jiu)

It’s formatted like a webcomic as well though formally called manhua. It does the slow burn romance, humanizing aspect very well. I’m not well versed in the mainstream portrayal but certainly on the indie side, people are stepping up and writing very positive and healthy lesbian stories

indogswetrust

The indie side is great. Even “The Sea In You” (a webcomic) is frickin adorable

It just grinds my beans about mainstream portrayal

eli [a winged tale]

Loving the sea in you!

RebelVampire

A trope I will never get sick of is https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/EverythingsBetterWithPrincesses , especially if https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ReallyRoyaltyReveal this is what happens in the story. I just...I really love royalty. I can't help it. I love the pointless traditions, the fancy dresses, the palaces, etc.. And even if that's not part of it, I still like it when some rando girl realizes that she's a princess and now has to deal with that idea that she has subjects she has to protect or something. Bonus points if she's a magical girl. I even like it when it's a reverse situation where it's an evil princess. I will never tire of princesses ever because the concept is always fascinating to me no matter which way its spun.

eli [a winged tale]

I love the fanciness of it all. All those lovely eye candy designs

Cronaj

Same... I have also used the Really Royalty Reveal, like..... Several times

eli [a winged tale]

The royal reveal when done well can be so powerful and validating

Kelsey (Kurio)

I have a queen ant character but no princesses yet

Eightfish

ooh are we talking about tropes we like? I really like mind reading/ mind control. But consensual. It's feels like the theme of trust taken to the extreme, where a character has such belief in someone they'd trust their mind / body to them. But I've only really seen it in some kid's books I liked (Young Wizards, Animorphs), and the only webcomic I've seen with this idea is my own, and I haven't even gotten to that part yet. Anyone have any recommendations? Ooh or a tvtropes link?

Erin Ptah (BICP 🎄 Leif & Thorn)

It comes up in the Murderbot Diaries -- the main character is a construct, basically a really-advanced android, and there are times when it lets a more-powerful AI pilot its body to handle an emergency that's unfolding too fast for it to keep up with on its own.

Eightfish

I looked it up and I do like the themes of androids' humanity. And it's a series of novellae, which, wow, that's very rare. Not sure I've ever seen that before. Do you recommend the book as a whole?(edited)

Erin Ptah (BICP 🎄 Leif & Thorn)

I recommend the whole series, yes!

[writsgrimmyblog]

Rec List #1 Theme: 2018 Favourites

One of my fandom resolutions is to rec more in 2019. I’m going to post rec lists for some of my favourite Nick fics divided up by theme/content/ship or whatever I fancy throughout the year. It seems fitting that my first rec post of 2019 should be my favourite Nick Fics of 2018. If you’re interested in my Harry Potter themed recs, you can find them over on my other blog @writcraft under the tag #writ recs where I’m undertaking the same initiative.

This is by no means an exhaustive list - I’m limiting myself to ten recs per list and it is very difficult, I could have recced many more. I’ve read and enjoyed a whole raft of terrific stories and this rec list is simply based on my personal tastes which may not be everybody else’s cuppa. Please heed the content warnings the author has flagged on AO3 in each case, none of my recs include the content tags.

#1. Ten Track Sophomore Album by @junkshop-disco​ 

Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 4,228

Nick has always lived in noise, been the cause of a lot of it, but one day a boy writes him into a pop song and the whole world dissolves into static.

It doesn’t happen like that, not that easy, not that linear, but that’s the heart of it, the soul, if these things have such a thing.

My Rec: The Nick fic of 2018 is undoubtedly the final installment of junkshop-disco’s incredible Doodle of a Surface Life but that has quite rightly garnered so many recs by now if any Gryles reader hasn’t yet indulged, run, quick, what are you waiting for? I love DOASL with all of my heart, but I’m also a sucker for angst and I wanted to highlight this equally terrific fic in my rec list. The structure of this story, in which Nick loses his ability to hear music, is so cleverly done. It’s a very skilled writer that can create an entire fic around sound and make it come alive, and junkshop-disco manages it brilliantly. The fic reads like music, even as it describes the absence of it and it’s a stunning piece of writing. If you like your Gryles contemplative and angsty with confident, lyrical prose, this is the one for you. Junkshop-disco has such a terrific way with words I highly recommend reading all the works by this author. Every single one. But when you do make sure you take a moment to stop by this beautiful story and leave it all the love it deserves.

#2. Tell Me It’s The Strongest Shape by @louandhazaf

Nick Grimshaw/Elgar Johnson/Louis Tomlinson | 73,224

Nick and Elgar have it all. They’re famous, successful, and engaged to be married—and sometimes they play with others.

When uni student Louis gets street cast by Elgar for a GQ photoshoot, he's drawn into Nick and Elgar’s complicated relationship.

They've always invited mates into their bed. It doesn’t ever mean anything. Until… it does.

My Rec: This is such a great exploration of polyamory and the complexities of open relationships, and the author took a great deal of time developing the relationships between the characters and really working on highlighting some of those difficulties. I tend to gravitate towards fanfic where I care deeply about the characters, and although Elgar seems terrific I don’t have the same fannish relationship to him as I do to Nick and Louis so I was curious to know how I would respond to this fic. Basically, the author killed it. I felt such a deep investment in Elgar, Nick and Louis throughout and everything just flew by as I was reading. It’s also really fucking hot. Like, REALLY. Brilliantly done. I loved it. 

#3. Let The Boys All Sing And The Boys All Shout For Tomorrow by @lunarrua​

Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 18,429

It's February 1988. Thatcher is in power. There's a new drug sweeping through the clubbing scene. In Manchester, it's the eve of a major protest and a new musical movement. And when Nick finds Harry looking lost outside his favourite chip shop, it's the start of a weekend that will leave an indelible mark on both their lives.

My Rec: I saw the summary for this fic and actually yelled at my screen when it popped into my inbox. Gryles, set in Manchester in the 80s? Hell yes. The fic itself certainly didn’t disappoint, it’s absolutely beautiful. The author writes a well-researched, confident piece and the result is stunning. The atmosphere of the whole story is captivating and you can feel yourself transported to the heady days before the Manchester music scene shifted, the anxieties of the AIDS crisis and the fragility of the relationships formed during that period. The Harry of this fic has a transient quality which evokes the nostalgic reflection on a different time in our not so distant past. A real triumph. I loved this story with my whole heart. 

#4. Séjour by @silveredsound

Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 6,288

It is so quiet, which should be conducive to concentration, but Nick is bored and listless and lonely. He’s been there for two days and wants to know where the helpful lady is who’ll deliver him a gamine but takes-no-shit housekeeper who he can fall in love with without words. Words are not his friend.

“Where is my Love Actually moment?” he asks the ceramic kitchen sink as he pokes holes in the cover of one of the M&S ready meals he brought over with him.

«≠»

Nick’s got writer's block. Louis is a master of distraction.

My Rec: I’ve loved a number of stories by Silv this year and I was swinging back and forth between this and others, but there’s something about this little fic that has wormed its way into my heart and has taken hold so this is the one I’m choosing. As I said in my earlier reblog rec, this has such lush, evocative prose it perfectly captures the sense of a fleeting summer. There’s a seductive quietness to it, and a lovely unfolding of the story through snippets of tasting notes left by Louis on bottles of wine and Nick feeling a little bit lost and searching for words as he struggles with writer’s block. Two boys find one another in the warmth of a sleepy French town and it’s beautiful. Really wonderfully done.

#5. Fists & Flowers ‘Verse by @jiksax

Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 1,613 (Make It Worse) and 2,322 (I’ll Do What You Like (If You Stay The Night)

He’s looking at Nick with that soft, terrible look in his eyes, the look that tells Nick the two of them are probably something.

My Rec: If anyone other than Jiksa had told me they were planning an angsty fisting fic series I would have been like umm really? But of course, it’s Jiksa, so naturally I found myself sobbing at the raw, devastating intensity of the story. Jiksa deftly weaves the intensity of the physical act itself into the emotional tumult of Harry and Nick’s relationship in a way that’s incredibly beautiful. A bold, brave, superb piece of hot, confident writing, rich with emotional complexity. Gorgeous.

#6. Constantly on the Cusp by @shiftylinguini

Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 6169

It’s 5 in the morning, and Nick’s got an alarm going off, an unexpected bed full of pop star, and a nation to wake up.

It’s far too fucking early for this.

My Rec: UNFFFFF. I love Shifty’s writing. Like, an obsessive amount. I was so thrilled when Shifty started writing Tomlinshaw I didn’t know quite what to do with myself. It’s actually hard to believe this was Shifty’s first Tomlinshaw, because everything about the fic felt like they have been writing them for years. Louis is sleepy, horny and pissed off, Nick is awake, horny and wondering what it all means, and together they have this scorching hot, sexy moment. Nick’s internal monologue  gives us so much insight into their relationship and the fic offers a lovely, warm, hopeful moment at the end. Fantastically written and a sexy delight from start to finish. Loved it!

#7. this cookie’s baking by @disgruntledkittenface 

Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles (Genderswap Femslash) | 8,148

Harry’s eyes flicker between Nick’s eyes and lips. “I just want to be your–”

“Baby,” Nick says softly, cupping Harry’s jaw, “you already are.”

Nick and Harry have a long-overdue conversation.

My Rec: This was the first genderswap Gryles fic I have read and I absolutely loved it. The relationship between Nick and Harry feels so perfectly them and there’s a lovely warmth to the whole story. It’s light and funny but also contains moments of real emotional depth and those first time explorations and the hesitancy of admitting to being something more than friends is handled in such a terrific way. It’s a gorgeous story with wonderful writing and I loved every minute of reading it.

#8. let’s make some new rules by @camiii 

Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 12,743

A coffee shop, a Christmas party & a fake date to make sure no one gets laid at the end of the night.

My Rec: This was such an enjoyable read. I love camiii’s Tomlinshaw, and seeing this pop up was a wonderful surprise. Barista Louis agrees to be Nick’s fake boyfriend as he pines over an ex that definitely isn’t worth his time, and they become closer in the process. The pace of the story is wonderful, the flirting is brilliant and despite some misunderstandings and Nick’s no good ex trying to fuck things up, the ending is warm and hopeful. A lovely story, full of festive cheer. Thoroughly enjoyable.

#9. I’ll be seeing you by @daretomarvel​ / renlyne

Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 11,481

It’s 2028, and Nick’s bought a house.

My Rec: I love Ren’s writing and this Notebook inspired Gryles is a beautiful treat of a story, in which Nick starts buying little bits for his dream house. It’s hard to believe this story is just over 11,000 words because the world the author creates is so rich, detailed, layered and complex. The relationship between Nick and Harry has all of these gorgeous details and nuggets of history as it grows and develops, seedling-like, into something that might just be everything they’ve both been searching for. It’s a warm, hopeful, beautiful story but as it’s Ren, it manages to still tug at the heartstrings in the best kind of way. I read this again as I was putting my rec list together and did so with a lump in my throat, full of feels for the Nick and Harry of Ren’s universe. Gorgeous writing with bags of emotional intensity. I loved it.

#10. All I’ve ever had are love songs by @candybarrnerd / icarusinflight

Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 21,688

Things are finally coming together for Nick.

Nick is the DJ of his uni's radio stations, and he passively aggressively dedicates a song to Louis.

My Rec: Icarusinflight is another author who was already on my periphery from Harry Potter fandom who wrote their first Tomlinshaw fic this year and I was so thrilled to see them writing in this fandom and I’m very excited about their upcoming 2019 projects which also includes fics featuring the 1D boys in various ship combos. I love uni AUs and I hadn't read one for a while, so this was such a treat. I loved how Louis is sharp, sassy and confident but with niggling insecurities. Harry was so affectionately humorous in this story and Nick’s voice is wonderful. This is a really well-paced, enjoyable story with a hot af first kiss that deserves a mention all of its own. The music references, the tea and the cameos from various 1D members are all terrific and the writing is brilliant. Can’t wait for more from this author this year.

Bonus Rec: I was meant to limit this to just 10 recs but I also wanted to give a quick shout out to @nightwideopen. I’ve said this in previous rec lists before, but I am constantly impressed by the quality of @nightwideopen‘s writing and the way they explore things such as asexuality and gender dysphoria which can be harder to find in a relatively small fandom. I’d particularly rec so far (it’s alright) and i’ve been thinking lots about your mouth from this year, both Tomlinshaw.

[larissaloki]

Abusive relationships,

Yes another one of these, ths my own personal experiences with a relationship that ended nearly two years ago. I’ve only just gotten the confidence too share as to this day, my son is still negatively affected by the aftermath.

Thankfully my relationship only lasted 2 months before i wised up and kicked his ass to the curb. These kinds of relationships can happen to anyone, not just women, so this post will hopefully serve as a warning for everyone on what to look out for.

Before i continue i will warn that content can be sensitive for some (obviously) but also mentions of a bdsm esk lifestyle. Not overly explitic but it’s still there. Also I am just writng out as it pops into my head so bare with my ramblings as this hard to get out.

To start off with, I am a single mum living in a flat and at the time i was working part time (18 hours a week a the time) with a 2 year old toddler and 22 years old. Despite having a son I was lonely a lot as a lot of friends stopped contacting me and my weekly dnd group was disbanded so my human interactions where limited and lets just say retail doesn’t equate to good human contact.

Fast forward because you don’t want to hear about my struggles wth dating as humourous it is. I met (lets call him D) D and as always, things see well- D was sweet and charmng and was seemingly ok with me having a toddler. Brillant! i thought i had hit gold with this guy.

This how abusers are, they make themselves seem to sweet and amazing that you become blind any faults. You know that saying “I’m not like those guys, not all guys are like that” D used these words when describng himself and in conversations. in my experience with him and a few other people, people that have used these sentences are often exactly like the ones they say they aren’t.

So far everything he’s done is present a pleasent package that sound and looks trustworthy and a nice guy. Making the bad traits come across as just mere off days. I was so blinded by the fact that he seemed to sweet and nice that i didn’t realise exactly what he was doin for a mere two months. thankfully talks at schools and thing’s I’ve read online and family members helped me clock onto his games.

ALWAYS LISTEN TO FAMILY! i say this because they noticed within weeks what he was doing and were trying to find ways to warn me. He seemed hesitant to meet my family after a month of dating which for my family is odd, as we are a pretty tight family more or less at the times. My mum met everyones partners quickly as we all visited each other a lot at the time.

when she did meet him a month into dating and was talking to him, D admitted that he would read my phone over my shoulder ALL.THE.TIME. This is not good, nothing i thought was private actually was. But his own phone was protected like it was the holy grail of all holy grails. I never actually asked to see his phone but it’s somethin i noticed after we broke up that he would always hide the screen from anyone in the room. He would try and create arguments over anything with my mu and sister when they were at my home while i was working, watching over my son. At this pont i wasn’t still comfortable enough for D to be along with my son.

When i then got home, my mum and sister would leave quickly unable to stand being in D’s presence. this made me think they simply just didn’t like him, so when it annoyed me, D would jump onto my rants and feed them. Make my anger at my mum and sister worse by telling white lies, basically fanning the flames. People, if your partner does this- take a step back and wonder why.

D was purposefully driving wedges between me and my family and later my best friend by complaining about each and trying to get me to join his point of view. Tryng to get me to view them as hinderences rather than support. Driving me to focus on him completely and not them. Do not let anyone destroy your family ties, especially ones with your closest family.

then theres the other little things, like comlaining how i wash my hair and which products i use saying i was damaging myself. everything i used was of good value and methods professional hairdressers adviced me to use. But apparently a guy who doesn’t even condition and had short balding hair had better knowledge then me. this is another form of control, trying to tell me how to do things. same with cooking, I’m not a bad cook i can make somegood meals but he insisted on cooking saying he’s amazing at cooking. He would often put in way to much garlic and onion making the meals he made full of to much flavour and would get upset when my poor 2 year old wouldn’t eat or I wouldnt. Even when i told him not to put so much he would snap saying he knew what he was doing.

Then theres the guilt tripping and telling me how to raise my child. A person who has no children was apparently more knowledgable than me who read articles and books and have a mother who’s had 4 kids herself. When out and about he would get annoyed when my 2 year old had a tantrum and play up.

saying that my son was being a disrespectful shit to me and would publically shame me for ignoring or trying to appease my son depending on what the tantrum was over. RED FLAG! A 2 year old cannot be disrespectful, my son struggles with speech to this day due to D demanding my son uses his words and not cries to display hs wants. D’s view was that kids should be perfectly articulate at 2 year old and understand all these adult social cue’s.

Then at bed times, D hated that i cuddled my son till he slept and that my son came intomy bed halfwa through the night for comfort reasons. So he demanded i changed the night routine to involve maths for my 2 year old and a story while my son was in bed then just walkout of the bedroom. leave my son alone regardle if he was upset, my heart broke at my sons cries as D scared my son back into bed and kept leaving him. Ignoring my concerns with this method saying it wht he read online and eventually my son will sleep. worst two weeks of my life until i broke the cycle as I just couldn’t allow it to continue.

i was fas growing afraid of D at this point. One night he flipped his shit as i turned over in bed declaring it was to hot to share the bed due to my memory foam topper and that he runs hot anyway. he threw his phone at the wall over it. Another time he yelled at me for not trying a certain stores jellybabies when i said. didn’t like jellybabies, saying that i was being stubborn as this stores jelly babies were delicious. i promised to try them later- when he was out i threw them away and just told him that yes they were ok.

He mocked the games i played and liked, i love final fantasy and rpg games a lot. i find them entertaining but he mocked them saying i should play more fighter interactve games. he made me play one that i just found dull and did not like at all.

After this he was also scaring me with his bsm ettiquette, anyone in bdsm know that you respected your partners limits and repected their safe word and what they tell you the are ok with and what they aren’t ok with. A few times he violated this. He liked to give pain and i liked mostly pleasure and rope play. A hard limit for me was belts- i was not ok with them at all, he used one one session and i had to safe word out quickly which he found fuckng funny. This is not ok. Another time we wanted to try a new pose with ropes and the position i was in was making me feel ill half way through beng tied, so i safe worded and asked me to get me out as i felt sick.

If your partner is in rope and feels unwell or safe words out- get them out fast! Cut the ropes if you need to you can always buy more ffs. But D didn’t, he sighed and slowly untied me. No matter how much i begged him to hurry up he went at his own slow ass pace. Do not do this as something someone once found enjoyable suddenly no longer is.

And lastly, do not snap at your sub if your rope plans dont go to plan. Do not make them feel bad if something doent work. I was snapped at when ties he was tryng for the first time weren’t working, nothing i could help.

towards the end he told my mum when they again where at mine alone that he would be moving in in 6 months time so she had best get usedto him being here. we had only been dating at this point for less than 2 months. I have a rule that i don’t move in with someone unles i’ve been with them for more than 2-3 years at the minimum.

8 MONTHS IS TO SOON.

the event that pretty much spelled the end for this? was my sons bday and D turned up after eveyone had gone which fair enough, lots of kids wasn’t his thing. I had some alcohol and energy drinks as well, he offere weed which i had had before unaware of him slipping me ectasy as well.

All of these things did not respond well to me, hours later in the next morning as i had this 9 pm the night before, by 10 am D left to go home and i was dealing with what i think was the come down. Badly. Ikept having panic attack and was not right for two days after. My heart kept going dangerous speeds that i had to call my mum and sister for help as D said he woudlnt come over as i wa just beng silly and that it would pass. I was worried for my son if something was to happen to me over it.

After this i talked to my mum and the truth was coming out in small bits. I stupidly was on the fence about what my mum was telling me as i was reliant on D’s affection and we i went to get a coil (birth control device) and D hated that i was going with my mum and that i had been talking to her.

He got defensive and was telling me i didnt need my mum in my life. His mum wa dead and he was doing well, so i didn’t need mine in hs eyes. This is maniplative as fuck and he was an asshole trying to use this. By thi point. Was wising up to his tactics and games with teh help of my mum exposing what he hadsaid to her and i dumped him.

He tried to then play around with getting his things back and tried to arrange it when i would be alone. Never meet an ex like this alone people i beg you, i got my mums bf to wait for him instead,and i prepacked his stuff so he couldnt possibly steal anything. When he saw my mums bf his aggressive pose he had at the door dropped away. He was suddenly polite and cordial and left with little fuss once received his things. Never meet an abusive ex alone.

After he left my life i found out he had gotten onto my computer that was a christmas gift and had wrecked it beyond usable it quickly broke and i lost everything on it. All my musc and pictures and works. My computer wa my escap and coping mechanism for depression and anxiety. Same as my music. Im still struggling in life around men due to this and my son is strugling to learn to speak still.

Please be careful and never cut out people from your life because a partner says so. Friends and family mean more than someone you just met.

[professor-hiddles]

Unspoken [bucky barnes]

pairing: bucky x reader (modern au??? but bucky still has the arm)

words: 2.6k 

warnings: implied smut, some violence? also maybe just a little slut shaming (not from any of our faves i promise) uhhh some angst & swearing too

a/n: this might be kinda sucky but whatevs i just wanted to post something lol. also theres a vine reference in there for some comic relief :) enjoyyyyyyy

The two of you knew what you were getting into. It was a mutually beneficial relationship, but purely sexual. Something to release the tension. There were five rules you had set in place, rules that kept both of you safe. 

Rule 1

No physical contact outside of your bedroom sessions. Since you shared a friend group, it was common to be seen out in public together, but this was your own rule. No touching. You could talk, make jokes, and even flirt, but no skin to skin contact.

Rule 2

Don’t stay away from potential relationships at the expense of the other. If an opportunity for a relationship presented itself, don’t stay away to protect feelings, and don’t try to keep the other person away from someone with potential.  

Rule 3

Keep emotions or pillow talk to a minimum. You’re not building an intimate relationship, but rather just having fun and enjoying one another physically. Only engage in emotional conversations if absolutely necessary. This was a rule broken rather often, as the both of you were usually under intense stress. 

Rule 4

No dates. No meeting for coffee, no going out to dinner. If you were gonna hang out, it would be with your friends. 

***

Something changed around two months into your agreement. Bucky was getting more sensual with you, being incredibly gentle and making sure that you were completely comfortable before he did anything. This was unusual, as he was typically a bit rough and fast. It was certainly different, but you weren’t complaining. 

“Buck, is there a reason as to why you’re being so gentle with me?” you asked, gently tugging on his hair. His mouth left your body for a moment, eyes meeting yours. 

“No reason, why? Are you uncomfortable?” he asked, his metal hand drawing circles on your thigh. He got back to work, pleasure coming over you in waves.

“No—not at all. Just wondering,” you said before arching your back off the mattress. Damn, he was talented with his mouth. 

He hummed in response, the vibration going through your whole body. His hands held your hips, keeping your body firmly planted on the bed. Your heart was racing, the euphoria coursing through you. 

Bucky crawled up next to you, laying on his back. You rolled onto your stomach to face him. Your hands met his hair, twirling it around your finger. 

“I think we should stop this, Buck,” you whispered, avoiding eye contact. His head turned toward yours, his smile dropping. 

“Why? I thought we were having fun, Y/N,” he said, his hand grabbing the one that was intertwined in his hair. 

“We are—were, but I met someone.” 

Rule 2. 

He could feel his heart break a little. All he could think of was someone else touching you in the ways that he did. 

“Oh. Do I know him?” he asked, his voice as low as yours. 

You nodded, “Brock Rumlow, I think he goes to your gym.” 

Fucking Brock, Bucky thought, Of course he would rob me of the one good thing in my life.

Bucky didn’t respond, instead just closing his eyes. You knew he heard you, and you knew he was hurt. You didn’t push the topic, so you let sleep wash over you.

You woke up to an empty bed, the sheets next to you were cold. A frown formed on your face, but you knew what this meant. 

You knocked your head back onto your pillow, letting a groan escape. A part of you felt empty, but a part of you felt enlightened, free to explore what other men have to offer. 

Bucky returned to his apartment, dreading the loneliness that was bound to ensue. He had fallen for you, hard. He hated the idea of someone else holding your heart, someone else taking part in your life. 

He knew he wasn’t supposed to fall for you, but love works in mysterious ways. He loved your laugh, how you got a bit embarrassed when it was too loud. He loved the way you said his name. He loved the way you joke with each other, more sarcasm than he’d ever experienced. He liked that you weren’t afraid of him, metal arm and all. That usually drives people off, but not you. He loved that you bear your feelings to him, your vulnerabilities. 

He longed to hold your hand. He wanted nothing more than to kiss your cheek and tell you how beautiful you are. Truly stunning. He longed to kiss you in front of your friends, call you his once and for all. He longed to be the one you come to after a long day, just for comfort. 

He felt miserable. The one thing that actually meant something to him had been taken. He knew this day would come. He just never pictured it would be so soon. 

He should have told you how he felt. He still should. 

Bucky pulled himself together, put on a happy face and made his way to the gym. He walked in, eyes scanning the area for Brock. He hoped that he wasn’t there, but nothing ever goes the way you want it to. He decided it might be good to talk to him at least.

His eyes landed on the man in question. Bucky took a deep breath and walked over to the weights he was using. 

“Need a spot, Brock?” he asked, hoping that he would say yes. Brock looked at him, realizing who was asking. 

A cocky smile grew on Brock’s face, “Hey, man. If you don’t mind, that’d be great.”

Bucky forced a smile on his face, he stepped behind the bench press. Half of him wanted to drop the barbell on the man, but the other half wanted to grill him about you. He decided on the latter.

“So, uh, you and Y/N, huh? How long has that been going on?” Bucky said, trying to casually slip questions into the light conversation. 

A smug look crossed his face, “Around two weeks or so, she’s a cool girl. Surprised one of you didn’t pick her up already.”

You and me both, buddy, Bucky thought, gritting his teeth. “Yeah, she’s the best. Treat her good, man.”

A short laugh left Brock’s mouth. “To be honest with you, I think this’ll be more of a hit it and quit it kind of thing, you know? She’s stupid hot, but not really girlfriend material. Seems like a bit of a whore. I heard she fucks every dude in your friend group.” 

Bucky scoffed. It was taking everything he had in him not to punch the man’s teeth in. 

“Who fed you that bullshit lie? You’re lucky she even considered you, dipshit,” Bucky growled. He couldn’t just stand idly by anymore, he took the bar out of the man’s hands and pulled him up by the collar of his shirt, “If you even think about hurting her, I’ll hunt you down and fucking kill you.”

Brock looked genuinely scared for a moment, before a smile appeared on his face. “My god, you’re in love with the whore! Let me guess, you’re fucking her too?” 

“Alright, thats it. You asked for it, you piece of shit!” Bucky yelled, before charging at Brock. Several punches were thrown before Bucky felt someone pulling him off of the man. 

Steve had a strong grip on the man, guiding him toward the exit. “Dude, what the hell? I know he’s a douche, but you can’t lunge at him in the middle of the gym! What was it even about?” 

Bucky’s hand curled into a fist, “He was calling Y/N a whore, and saying he was only with her for sex. I just couldn’t help myself. I hate when assholes like him get such wonderful women and then drop them like they’re nothing. She deserves someone better than that, Steve. She deserves someone who’ll listen to her, and keep her happy, and take care of her in all the best ways.”

A small smile worked its way onto Steve’s face, “Someone like you?”

Bucky nodded his head, “Yes! Wait—how did you know I meant me?” he looked at the man, clearly puzzled. You two were careful to hide your relationship, you were sure none of your friends knew.

“Dude, you think no one notices how you stare at her? You get this little sparkle in your eyes every time you talk to her, its almost sickening how cute it is,” Steve said, patting his friend on the shoulder. 

“She doesn’t feel the same, anyway, so what does it matter? I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with her, Steve.” Bucky said, his eyes glued to the pavement. 

Steve sighed, “What do you mean ‘you weren’t supposed to fall in love with her,’? Why not?”

Bucky’s breath hitched in his throat, “Uh, never mind. No reason.” 

Steve didn’t look convinced, but he let the topic go. “You might not have noticed, Buck, but she definitely does. When you aren’t there, all she does is talk about you.”

His eyes flicked up to meet Steve’s, his cheeks flushed. Bucky could barely get out a coherent sentence. 

“No, I—that can't be,” he mumbled, but all evidence of doubt was erased when he saw the look on Steve’s face, “Really? But she’s so beautiful and kind and downright great; and I’m me.” 

Steve nodded, “Yeah man, but she wont like you for long if you don’t explain your side of what just happened in there. For all we know, Rumlow could be telling her that you attacked him for no reason.” 

Bucky’s eyes went wide for a moment, before running a hand through his hair. He let out a shaky breath before pulling out his phone. 

“Shit, ok, I’m gonna ask her to meet me at the bar later. Hopefully I can lay everything out and we’ll be on the same page, but if not, be prepared to nurse my broken heart.”

Steve gave a short nod before clapping him on the back, “Good luck, Buck. You’ll do great, I know it.”

After a shower and a quick bite to eat, Bucky walked down the sidewalk, trying to figure out what he would say to you. Would he apologize for putting Brock in his place? Hell no. Would he apologize for letting it get that out of hand? Possibly. Would he tell you how he felt and accept your answer, good or bad? Absolutely. 

He took a seat at the bar, ordering a whiskey, neat. His eyes darted around the bar, his nerves making him a bit jumpy. The door to the establishment opened once more with the ring of a bell, your senses taking in the familiar sights and sound that the bar has to offer. 

You heard shot glasses hit the bar counter; the sharp sound of a cue ball being hit. Your gaze almost immediately caught the glimmer of the metal arm, a smile crawling up your face. Your heels clicked on the floor below you, the sound catching Bucky’s attention. 

He stood up, arms enveloping you in a hug. Rule 1, you remembered, but maybe I can let it slide just this once. Your arms slid around his waist, returning the embrace. Bucky pulled away first, his hands resting on your shoulders. 

“Y/N, sit, please,” he said, pulling the bar chair out for you. You took the seat, still wondering what you were doing here. “I know you said you want to end things because you found someone, and I respect that decision, but please, just hear me out for a moment.”

You sighed, but stayed silent, signaling him to go on. 

“Okay, this might come out the wrong way, but please understand that I mean absolutely no disrespect to you,” your eyes widened slightly, but still you let him continue. “Brock isn’t the guy for you, you should cut things off with him.” 

A short, dry laugh left your lips, “Why? Who told you that this was your decision to make?” 

Hurt flashed across his eyes, but he stayed calm. “Y/N, he called you a whore. He also said that he’s only going out with you to get in your pants. He doesn’t want the real you, he only wants the idea of you. I know its not my decision to make,  but I really think that this is whats best for you.” 

“No, you’re lying. How do you know that? Last I checked you weren’t all buddy buddy with him,” you said, shaking your head. “How do you know whats good for me?”

He ran a hand through his hair, “Thats my opinion, Y/N. I’m sorry if it’s not what you want to hear, but it needed to be said. If I can save you from this guy, then best believe I’ll put everything on the line to do so.”

“Please, you think I need saving? I’m perfectly capable of handling this on my own, thank you very much,” you said, close to tears.

“I know you can, but I’m worried that your feelings might blind you from whats actually going on!” he yelled, but you stormed out. Bucky was quick to follow, lightly gripping your arm. 

You spun around to face him, anger clear on your face, “Why? Why do you care so damn much?”

Both of your hearts picked up, nearly beating out of your chests. Bucky’s eyes looked glassy, he didn’t mean to upset you. All he wanted was to warn you, and tell you how he felt. 

“You wanna know why? Because I‘m fucking in love with you, Y/N! I know I wasn’t supposed to, but you made it damn hard to resist. When you told me about Brock, my heart nearly cracked in two. I didn’t even want to think about him having what I hold dearest to my heart. I’m in love with you for you, not your body, or the idea of you. I love that you listen to me, and confide your feelings in me. I love how much you care for those around you, and the kindness that’s so clearly within your heart. I love the way your eyes light up when you talk about something you love, and the smile that makes my heart jump. I didn’t want to fall in love with you, but I’ll be damned if I tell you I regret it, because I absolutely don’t,” his chest was heaving now, and you couldn’t tell if the wetness on his face was the pouring rain around you or tears.

You stared at him, the weight of his words weighing on your shoulders. You wanted to cry, punch him and kiss him all in the same moment. 

He looked like he was going to speak up again, but you cut him off by pressing your lips to his. It wasn’t at all rushed like your past ones, but more passionate and loving. His arms were protectively wrapped around you, your bodies pressed close. 

You pulled away, resting your forehead on his, “Buck, we broke rule five.”

A smile was on his face, “I think we broke all of the rules, but fuck ‘em, especially rule five.”

Rule five wasn’t a rule you talked about often, because it was understood by all parties. Technically, the ‘unspoken’ rule. 

Rule 5

Do not, under any circumstances, fall in love with the other. 

[kkamist]

tags (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

ok so ive been tagged in different tags by different people ,,, nd have procrastinated on actually doing them ,, so i decided to compile all of them in one post !!

warning: this will be a v long post ,, read only if u wanna ,, know more abt me i guess (why would u lmAO)

fact tag?? i guess

rules: tag 9 people you want to get to know better and answer the questions

was tagged by maria !! @s0ftminho ♡ඩ⌔ඩ♡

Relationship status: single

Favourite colour: yellow,, peach,, nd black

Top 3 ships: oof idk?? oo nomin probably !!

Lipstick or chapstick: i dont use them :”)

Last song: im listening to gfriend - rough rn!

Last movie: spiderman homecoming hAHHAHA ( i was doing a mini marvel marathon bc my dad had the movies and didnt ! tell ! me ! but i uh stopped there lmao )

Top 3 shows: i dont watch shows often,, but i do rly like knowing brothers, night goblin :”) nd its dangerous outside the blanket! oooo theres also cafe amor that is p cute too !!

Currently reading: ok if manga counts, kimi no todoke nd bnha ,, if not ,, waking gods by sylvain neuvel (but i paused like ,, last yr prob hAHHA)

kpop + music tag!

ok so i was tagged by @01yoonjin to do ,, both of these tags if im not wrong,, and @maetaamong tagged me for the music shuffle tag and @hyuunjins tagged me for the kpop tag thingy aha

music shuffle tag

rules: put all of your phone’s music library – no playlists! – on shuffle. list the first ten songs that play. bold the song(s) that lift your mood and italicise the song(s) that makes you the most emotional. then tag ten people!

mad city - nct 127

campfire - svt

us now - vixx

hold me tight - bts

talk me down  - troye sivan

paradise - nct 127

too good - troye sivan

grr 총량의 법칙 - skz

another world - nct 127

blue - troye sivan ft alex hope

kpop tag

rules: answer the questions!

1) 5 favorite groups?

skz

nct

nuest

sf9

w1

2) Top 5 on your bias list? (no particular order)

hyunjin

(lee) chan

(lee) mark

chanhee

jr (jonghyun)

3) Ult Bias group and why you love them?

oof ok i,,, dont know? im not the type to actually Stay ulting a group?? like ill stan then ,,, then,, get into another grp,,, yeah,,,, im not v loyal aa my friends always ask what grps i stan and im liek ,,,,, idk,,,, i stan a Lot,,, (that was a real convo between a new friend i made weeks ago) but i guess,, atm its skz? their music is,, my taste? like the meaning of it nd all,, and uh theyre also v v fun to b with,, there isnt a moment when i dont smile whenever i see one of their vids or during their vlives :”) tbh what i like the most in groups i stan is their humor lmao,,, like if theyre v funny, i automatically love them even more :”))

4) Ult Bias and why you love them?

again,,, idk man,, i dont think i even Ult hAHHA ok but i ,, rlly like bae jinyoung nd chani hHAHHA ok but also ,,,, hyunjin. that boy,,,,,  id do anything for him tbh ,,  also bjy wasnt even mentioned in  2 but,,, i rlly love him ,, like idk,, i dont stan w1 as much now but ,, whenever i see him im like :-))))) (same goes for chani aa) fiuwe idk y i like them sm tho aa

5) Favorite Kpop Meme

iiiiii dont have any guawdeij

6) Favorite pic of your ult? (I dare you to only pick one)

ok what,,, i dont even know my ult hAHAH

7) 5 Favorite Kpop MVs

dont stop - twice (this is in jap tho,, does it count?)

nuest - daybreak

blooming days - exo cbx

you&me - kisum

go - nct dream

8) 10 Favorite Kpop songs?

vivid - loona/heejin

heart attack - loona/chuu

singing in the rain - loona/jinsoul

scentist - vixx

boss - nct u

rollercoaster - chungha

shine - pentagon

blooming days - exo cbx

trigger - vixx

my valentine - vixx

nd a lot more auief

9) Favorite Kpop crack video?

oof i dont watch crack often-

10) Favorite content creator within the fandom?

all of them!! :”)

11) What fandoms would you say you’re an active member of?

aa atm the sk fandom !! i was q active in the svt fandom in my main blog but i dont make content anymore :-( i do want to b active in other grps (like nct nd sf9 nd mayb nuest) but i dont have enough Commitment to run other blogs at the same time :”)))

12) Take your top 3 biases- fmk

these arent my top 3 but-

F(riendly convo with) - murk leeeee

M - oof tbh id marry seungcheol or mingYU OmG :-)))))))) hes not my bias but ,, hes such husband material tbh ,,,,,,,,

K - lee chan bc he,, keeps Killing me w those looks even when im tryna stan another grp ughrei

13) If you could be best friends with any idol, who would you choose?

chani? or chenle!! for chani ,, we’re q similar nd we both like chicken !!!!!!!!!!!! so yes. for chenle ,, we’re also kinda similar but we def have the same humor ,,, which is always great  :^)))))

14) If you could date any idol, who?

hm,,, tbh these days ive been feeling Soft for mark (lee) nd !! also bjy ,,,, ahHa im sorry hyunjin yshvriIHFED

15) What’s one Kpop album you think everyone should have listened to?

vixx - eau de vixx bc nO ONE i know talks abt it :-((((

16) Are you a soft or a hard stan?

swoft??? or medium idK HAHAH

17) An idol that makes you go into soft mode?

100% hyunjin,,, Also bjy.

18) An idol that makes you want to smash the empire state building with one single punch?

o man is also hyunjin aLSO mark lee :-))))))))))

19) Favorite vocalist?

oof hm,, defo seungkwan ,,, seokmin,,, basically svt’s vocal team :-))) oOF reading this again ,, yo haechan???? God tier vocals,,, pls stan nct :-)))

20) Favorite Rapper?

oo ok so i watched high school rapper nd i really like osshun? nd oH bang jaemin :”) aa i need to watch s2 soon jgafiue

in terms of idols, defo 3racha,,, theyre So Good uiahrfiu

21) Favorite dancer?

aAA in terms of girls: cHUNGHA!! for boys its ,, basically all of svt performance team nd,, ten and taeyong- (i like a lot of dancers its hard to choose ifajoiwe)

22) Things you have in common with your ult?

ok i,, dk my ult but ill just do it w the idols i put in in that q - for hyunjin i feel like we ,, both struggle w cooking lmAo nd have troubles waking up early :”) ,, actually now that i think abt it,, were both v quiet nd shy but when u get to know us? were v Loud nd savage (same w bjy nd chani) also again ,, chani likes chicken, i do too so :-)))))))

23) The mot beautiful trait any idol can have?

hm,, confidence? it takes a lot for someone to just go on stage and sing/dance etc,, like i would Never b able to do that- (proven today: had a skit and had a shaky voice the whole time , also laughed alot oops)

24) Songs that will always make you jam along?

vIVID by heejin nd singing in the rain by jinsoul nD ALL THE OTHER LOONA SONGS-

also rock by skz !!!!! nd nd omg rollercoaster by chungha nd,,, scentist by vixx nd many others hAHAH

25) Your worst wrecker?

in skz its ,,,,,,,, ***** :-)) also nomin have been wrecking me these days ,, rip

26) Any kpop concerts you’ve been to?

0 bc my parents wont let me :-(

27) Favorite choreo?

there r too many-

28) Favorite live performance?

also too many- but i do like concert performances where the fans sing along too- like those Hit me in the feels everytime (eg: smile flower - svt!!!) iahfnie (does this even count lmao)

29) Favorite debut mv?

adore u- svt !! (3rd anniv coming up ihHIWU)

30) Recommend a rookie group

skz obv, loona, unb ,, (g)i-dle !!

31) A kpop song you could listen to every day for the rest of your life?

there is a Lot but prob vivid - heejin hAHAH I RLLY LIKE THAT SONG AUWIFHIAU

20 question tag!

rules: answer 20 questions and then tag twenty people you want to get to know better

i was tagged by em !! @realstraykids  (´∀｀)♡

name: hazirah (oo name reveal :^))

nickname(s): haz

zodiac sign: scorpio

height: i am smoller than em ,, barely 5 feet :-)))))))))

languages spoken: ok ,, eng, malay, arabic, uuuh tiiiiiny bit of chinese and im now (kind of) self learning korean :^)

nationality: singaporean

favourite season: ok we dont have fall in sg,, but fall !!

favourite flowers: baby’s breath!

favourite scents: the scent of fried chicken :-)) or fresh laundry ,,, also petrol smell :-) 

favourite color: i answered above but yellow, peach nd black

favourite animal: shiba inus !!

favourite fictional characters: mmmm kacchan nd aizawa nD TODOROKI IFIAEUR HOW COULD I FORGET HIM O Mg frm bnha !! also baz nd simon frm the book carry on, simon by raindow rowell (one of my fav books tbh) ,,,, also tanaka frm tanaka kun is always listless bc hes goals tbh. ALSO oMg USUI TAKUMI FRM KAICHOU WA MAID SAMA OH MY GODUIHF

coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: ok in cold countries i Always get hot chocolate,, here in sg i always get green tea,, or ice lemon tea sometimes :-)))

average sleeping hours: 5-6

dog or cat person: both but more towards cats tbh

number of blankets you sleep with: 1

dream trip: the world !! or like japan/england ,, 

blog established: feb 1 2018

followers: a number :-)

random fact: mmmmmmmm i broke my fast w two of my friends last night nd caught up w each other nd im v happy :-)))))

nd thats the end !! (not really,, theres like 2 slefie tags but i have 0 pics oops) but if you read through all this,, congratulations,, you probably know me more than my classmates :-))))

[kawaiiwamine]

((I was hoping someone else would send it but you definitely do the character breakdown for Shuu. Iwasweetie or Iwamine or both. Someone talking about the rationalising of their muse is always interesting))

ask and you shall receive!! im putting the cut right up here bc uh wow lmao

Iwameanie

How I feel about this character

stupid sexy iwamine…. really tho thats the crux of its. hes hot to trot. and a megane. and scientists get extra hot points im just gonna say it. and hes gay. god made him for me. if iwamine shuu didnt exist i would have to invent him. i need him

All the people I ship romantically with this character

oh boy. i like shipping and i like him so ofc,

well i already talked abt my fondness for shuuya, so theres that

gotta have that papaiwa, of COURSE im too much of a softie to not have a scenario in which his crush is requited

with hitori? oh boy thats good. nanaiwa is good but not my ideal iteration of the ship. but idk smth abt him w hitori… theyre almost the same age, both are scalding hot, hitori is a character that i think would be capable of standing up to his regular shuu bs. its good! its always good whenever i see it and i want more!

you know what else is good? shuukazu! with kazuaki-kun! i can mainly thank selina for turning me on to it, it seems cracky at first but ive gotten to the point where im actually invested. its cute, what can i say? something about the coldest, meanest character having a soft spot for the frailest, squishiest character is just too delicious to pass up. and of course i have to mention that staff trio? ot3 to end all ot3s

im also gonna mention tohri (i like to call it nishuukikouji) its not one of my TOP ships and i dont think abt it too often but whenever i do see it im like yeah! hell yeah! and id def rp it given the opportunity

My non-romantic OTP for this character

i said this when i talked abt nageki but i feel like they could find some common ground in the right circumstances! shuu can be a good Fun Uncle that lets him get away with way more than hitori does lmao. really tho i would be happy to see him getting along w… anyone……. at all…………………………………

My unpopular opinion about this character

is genuinely wanting him to be happy unpopular? probably. ppl will say he doesnt deserve it but look… thats not the point……. the point is just that i need more positivity in hato dkjfhgkdhfj. also literally his entire life is just so sad its so pathetic and hard to watch i just need him to have like one good day at least ok. do it for me

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

well if ryuuji could not die that would be fucking SPECTACULAR. at the very least try to do as little murder as possible ok dear. make some friends or smth. please.

The man! The myth! The legend! Iwasweetie!!!

How I feel about this character

oh boy we could be here all day. so obv i loved shuu from like. day one. heres the thing tho… im a big ol softie who wants everyone to get along and be happy. i mean ok yes i also love angst… a lot…. but when the canon situation is already sad af i gotta Do Smth abt it. bc really everything abt shuu is so depressing already it doesnt need to be any worse please

so yes iwameanie in everyone lives aus and redemption arcs and all thats GREAT. like it, love it, gotta have it. but i also had another idea, which is just: what if he was? nice?

(i was mainly inspired by a sketch moa drew of a disturbed yuuya contemplating the idea of a nice shuu. also there was very briefly an ask blog abt a nice shuu which i thought was adorable but sadly idr the url! if its even still up!)

another big advantage is that since iwasweetie is so diff from iwameanie in so many ways, i have a lot of wiggle room. hes so vaguely defined in canon, which means i have a lot of opportunity to kinda do w/e i want which is really fun! theres enough already there to guide me and him having pre-established relationships is also helpful ofc but it also feels v liberated.

also since his life Is better, i dont have to feel so guilty abt putting him thru angst! woohoo

so honestly after all this time i just. love him. how could i not? obv bc ive rped him for so long but also bc hes just more. well hes actually lovable. bc he doesnt kill kids. thats nice. also hes just way more down to earth and easier to relate to so thats a big advantage too! basically i just. adore him and i want him to be happy (most of the time)

All the people I ship romantically with this character

everyone i said for iwameanie! its already blog canon (or “kawaiicanon��� as i say) that hes crushing hardcore on hitori. that doesnt mean its blog canon that it actually happens, or that it doesnt. its left open to possibilities. he just has that Crush, thats for sure

also, him with kazu would just be. unbelievably sweet. you already talked abt it and tbh i agree w it all. it would be so good for them to have each other and it would probably be nice for shuu to have someone to dote on, maybe hed take better care of himself if he had someone else to take care of too

My non-romantic OTP for this character

ok i already said nageki but im gonna reiterate it here bc their relationship is SO important!! i love them!! theyre a little ragtag family of misfits but their love is the purest the earth has ever seen and thats a cold hard FACT

OH YOU KNOW WHO ELSE? SAKUYA. sakuya obv has a dumb gay crush on shuu already, maybe it would be helpful for him to have a role model he looks up to thats actually. kind of a good influence??? honestly m le bel needs to just Die and then shuu can adopt him, problem solved

My unpopular opinion about this character

hes just objectively the superior shuu and thats how it is i dont make the rules

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

eat more. sleep better. be happier. go to therapy. and please come out, honey

[mickadamz]

i know everyone has their own opinions on this, but how do you characterize 2p American and 2p England? like how do you see their personalities and stuff? how do you think they vary from their 1p (is that the term?) versions?

OOHEHEHEEHEHEH OH MAN YOURE IN FOR A TREAT

IVE DONE SO MUCH WIT THEM ITS INSANE OKAY

2p eng: his full name is oliver jack marshall. I’m gonna include physical appearances as well. so oliver…

6′0-6′1

average build, though much scrawnier compared to like idk the 1800s

redhead???? yes?

dusty blue eyes

fair skin, not as pale as arthur, but not as tan as, say, greece or romano

longer, kinda rounder features as compared to arthur’s rather compact and sharp features

wavier hair

usually has a scar on his left eye, other scars are au dependant 

ambidextrous, arthur is only left handed (personal head canon, i don’t remember his dominant hand LOL)

freckles bitch

appears to be in his mid-late twenties

has a tired but understanding look on his face most the time

actually has a very nice and subtle smile. he’s been through a lot and its really a blessing to see him relax

as for non appearance based traits:

one of the few aph related characters i don’t see as bisexual, as he’s fully homosexual

not much of a social person, similar to his 1p, but arthur has a bigger struggle with making friends and talking to people as he’ kinda got a mindset that not many people even like him and he’s kinda rude as a defence mechanism? idk i haven’t touched canon in a while but oliver is still not a social person but mores than arthur is

introvert

has a… huge amount of secrets behind his sorta cheerful exterior. beneath that he’s not as nice as you think but he’s trying. things are hard for him

despite existing for much longer and dying less than arthur, he has no idea how to not keep his feelings and such closed up and he finds it difficult to deal with traumatic events. he’s mentally weaker and pretty unstable when having an episode or just in a very stressful situation. otherwise, he seems to function alright

surprisingly not very affectionate to people. theres a few exceptions.

actually has a good relationship with his sealand, arnold gets Nervous hen oliver’s away for a while or doesn’t call-text back within an hour or so. see the o=point above the affection related one

PETTY

sorta friendly, trying to be more open to people. he knows the make mistakes so he tries to be more forgiving

kinda stoic, not much seems to faze him in a regular setting

died 108 times or so (not counting the story related to my allen blog)

bad at baking but excellent at cooking: “oliver is that a cake” ‘*crying* it’s a mistake’

not very graceful

STUPIDLY COURAGEOUS PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF G

breaks the rules if he sees its unjust or unnecessary. a very moral tied person, compared to arthur who fears he’ll be punished the second he tries to against the law, no matter the cause behind it

very loyal

most optimistic of the 2p allies

really likes to make things for people, good artist and basic builder

selfless

enjoys vaporwave

has 3 scottish straight-brutish shorthair cats and a horse, the cats are named samwise, bess, and marmalade/marmie. the horse is named thomas

2p america’ full name is allen tomas soliz .

physically:

5′6-5′7

his appearance (skin tone, hair, facial features) resemble a mid twenties mexican-american man 

his legs aren’t very strong, but he’s pretty fast

his upper body is of average build, but he works out regularly so it’ll increase in strength

missing a tooth

warm, friendly dark brown eyes

calloused hands from having to do things himself and helping out some people he’s come across in the south-western US before westward expansion

wavy, almost curly hair. he attempts to groom it for what its worth.

his skin and hair are soft, he regularly takes care of himself!

picks at his fucking nails so they don’t look the best but what can you do, not like they’re dirty

growing a moustache and a goatee 

SIDEBURNS

h….hes hot

does have scars, most tend to be on his hands from doing heavy duty tasks on his own. has one just above his right eyebrow and on his lip where his tooth is missing

million dollar smile!

right handed

as for non physical traits:

unlike alfred, his twin is a sister and its 2p mexico instead of 2p canada. he’s still related to him though. its mor elf a half/step brother situation

that being said, his mother’s personification is based around the aztec empire area, though mostly around that one group of natives

broadway fan!!!!!!! would die to get on broadway

a big sweetheart really

I’m unsure about the vegan thing but he’s probably got food allergies anyway so dietary restrictions still apply i guess

has a dg named veggie and 2 cats, named armel (large man) and calixto (the devil incarnate)

social fuckin butterfly bitch!

dense like alfred, but not on purpose. cannot read the atmosphere that well

an open fucking book

bisexual

very big on affection in any form

HORNY ON MAIN

I’m kidding but he likes sex. not a big fan of one time flings or fuckbuddies, but has tried it or done it more than once. 

hopeless romantic

he actually switched spots with his nyo counterpart. he used to represent the mid-west due to the high native and mexican population back around the 1800s when he officially joined the other 3 americas. when jessi came along, he switched with her once broadway became bigger and once films started being produced. she’s a movie star, and he’s a Hugh jackman kind of person. he just wants to sing

he may look rough and tough, but once you see him smile for the first time (usually as a greeting to people on the street, he’s very friendly to people), you can see he’s really just a nice person and loves to socialize

graceful as hell, also has a powerful singing voice

also very emotional

almost as stupidly courageous as oliver

rule breaker, most the time for fun, other times because of his morals. protests if he finds it necessary or it suits his personal beliefs

optimistic

i should note that my 2ps have more ‘free reign’ than the other counterparts. they’re the ‘backups’ in case the 1ps are unable to do something. seeing historically, men were more involved in government, its why most personifications involved with government affairs are males. there are obvious exceptions to this, but thats a general (fan made) reason why the majority that we’ve seen in the series are male

[chimcharstar]

ANSWER 1 THROUGH 65 HO

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

WPOOOOO LETS GO 

Y E E T

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

nnnnooooooo. its called holding onto my last marble.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

1. sometimes i can freak myself out going to the bathroom at night but bro. i take walks at like 11pm or whenever the hell i please. and i LIKE IT.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

i would not care to meet dick face

4. What is your favorite word?

worm

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

well darn i dont really knowwww!!!!!!! the big jungle one from minecraft. but i love weeping willows of course.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

i didnt think

7. What shirt are you wearing?

my pyjama shirt from new vegas. las vegas. oh my god. not that i went there. my friend did. ive been wearing it for 3 days now. because its fine.

8. What do you label yourself as?

androgynouOOUUSSSSSSS i heard it described the most accurately for me as “in between blue and pink, purple is a blend while not being either of them.” yes this SPECIFICALLY. i could never be feminine while female presenting, but now that im usually read as masculine i go around seeming gay as fuck. and even though this sounds like heresy considering how i instinctively want to throat punch people who feminize me, i have comfortably considered myself a woman lately ONLYYYYYYYY BY being as butch as a butch can possibly butch. maybe without the cars. i would NEVER go by she/her NEVER NEVER NEVER. like there literally are butch women who go on T and use he/him pronouns. that brings me euphoria too and i find people reallllyyyyyy get mind-bent at this point. i really also get irritated at the idea that identifying with both lessens one or the other... thats why i like the purple thing so much. like im 100% of the thing. i was watching on queer eye, once, there was this part where all these women met up and one of them who was really masculine was saying how “a woman can look like this too” and i was like “i am probably crying for an important reason right now” and sometimes i feel attraction to women that is nOT of the ManTM just... i can do what i want. 

but my point is it’s like im only happy if i have a blend. theres even a particular quality of it i can put my finger on, like a rugged, handsome feel... and then a flamboyant, passionate feel... mix em all up... 

9. Bright room or dark room?

BRIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT 

GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

transition juice, or fucking around with cs paint with some gentle existential dread

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

this one, because my life is not hell, and i know a few basics about adulting now

12. Who told you they loved you last?

the sister. i said it for damage control because she had blown a fuse the other day. i was being very fake on purpose because i’m not being vulnerable with someone who will blow up. when she says it all i feel is pain. like cold paralyzing needles in my soul. i cant say i love you to her and mean it, even if i want to. honestly i wish people would say this to me. the most i love yous i remember are from family members putting band aids on the wreckage of our relationships, so i can feel a little twang of guilt and longing for what could have been and should have been. and feel like i should be doing something more. and feeling awkward because you both know they fucked up and it’s the elephant in the room. and i can feel their confusion and sickness causing them pain, feeling that pain for them. 

13. Your worst enemy?

hmmm. anyone who made me feel like less than i am. anyone 

14. What is your current desktop picture?

cherry blossoms and a city at night that i stole off the internet

15. Do you like someone?

like like crushes right? i fucking wish. i am so god damn sick of myself. i dont feel fuck or shit for anyone. its a fucking wasteland. yes im on T so i want to fuck anything that moves. and yet? can i please have some feelings? please may i have some feelings? not aesthetic appreciation. not moral, personality appreciation. or even just a deep respect and compassion. these are all fine things of course. but cant someone just drive me crazy? cant i have that extra spice of life? cant i just have a little bit of happy crazy? i will know a perfectly lovely person and ill WANT to have feelings for them. but i FUCKEN DONT. I DONT!!!! SHIT!!!!! WHAT IS THE MEANIGN?!?!??!??!?!1 i have fucking YET to meet anyone im more obsessed with than some really gay ocs. come on universe!!!! bring it!!! poor oscar. poor fucking oscar. whatever wavelength im vibing on man you are not on it. i wish you were on it. i wish you were on it oscar. you are hot you are hot with your bike oscar. and the rose quartz i gave you. the rose quartz you wanted. but i feel no authentic electric connection to you. i feel like all i just see is how your brain works with a coolheaded certainty. all i do is analyze what you are wearing so i can be as hot as you. maybe id like to draw you. and girls from work. you are so beautiful and amazing. i see you in bikinis on instagram. and im like oh beauty standards. look at you go, adhering to them. my heart rate goes right along at the same old pace. dont tell me this is principles. does someone have to smell bad? like edward cullen?? CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST SEDUCE ME?!!!?? ID LOVE SOME EXTRA WILL TO LIVE! THEN MY STORIES WILL BE BETTER!!!! see this is the whole problem

16. The last song you listened to?

what am i to you by finn the human or actually that asgore fight song that i do not know the context of and dont want to until i play the game for myself

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

i would save this button for a karen.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

jk rowling. every time i see her face in a news article about why her bland new transphobia anvil book is pretty bland without addressing the raging transphobia in it and around it, i take a minute and contemplate shoving a pie in her face, and agonizing that i cannot do it from this distance.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

a... slave? is this a kink thing? im fucking laughing this is going to be so honest. probably a toxic person from my past i have unresolved sexual tension with, especially since i was in my abused kid shell and was a huge doormat so now im all vengeful with issues. since this is totally something i am open to considering right now i would like to browse this concept’s menu

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

yknow what? yknow what? i am just going to say all of me. i am feeling very body positive right now. i often feel isolated as fuck because of trans stuff and male body standards, but thats Also What Makes Me Special :) i like me, i like my face, i think i am very cool and unique, and i can walk fast.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

GOD DAMN IT THIS FUCKING QUESTION AGAIN

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

yes. but it’s a secret.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

deep sea creatures. idk. even if its small and not even ugly. i just lose my fucking mind. i jump out of my chair. i get the heebies and the jeebies.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

okay. chicken. cheese. something spicy so it wont be boring. a fuck ton of veggies so i can be healthy. and some olives, fuck olive haters.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

IM GOING TO GIVE IT TO MY LANDLORD <3

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

mexico city to see what all my friends are talking about.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

............................................................................

w    h       y

okay. i would go around tasting a bunch of fucking. really fancy old wines. listen i dont really drink okay. but with a very fancy old wine i can go around with a like, glass and look really sophisticated and tell gay things to gay people. hello boys. so id find one that strategically i would like the most for the rest of my life and choose it. and if its expensive i can sell it.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i would stick a bell in the middle of it and all of us have to go there at six o’clock and throw bread at each other and fuck.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

cunt. i dont really use it ever, but boy it can pack a punch! 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

that means my trees because theyre living things? good. my phone. i need it to function. everything else i have on the clouds and i can just write on a napkin if i really need.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

:( 

i wanna say nothing because the good and the bad made me who i am and all that. and they’re learning experiences and healthy stuff. but some of my sisters abuse that has destroyed my psyche, literally just ruined my life, it would make things easier if that hadnt happened.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

WHAT I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS LIFE STOP TELL ME HOW I GET THERE

Okay i’m moving to... greece and i’m going to study ancient greek everything and live right on the edge of the sea where the water’s lapping the doorsteps. and im gonna learn greek by immersion

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

i am not surprised whatsoever death is a cool entity.

probably someone who died really sadly and too soon in my life (no one close to me thank god) but just as a service to society

34. What was your last dream about?

wolves with bombs were chasing me around a giant university. it was all part of the game. i was trying to protect some people... soldiers were chasing me... i was hiding under the floor... hiding from authorities and war are VERY common dreams for me

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Writer? Yes. am i saying that to sound full of myself? no. i am fighting very hard to maintain some self-confidence. i have done some writing recently and i am proud as fuck of myself. i caught myself thinking, “now that was banging, i know that was banging.” and so i just admitted it to myself.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

nooooot reeeaaaalllyyyyyy. i went in an ambulance for my face swelling up! still dont know if i needed to. still think i was allergic to the person i was talking to at the time. seriously when i stopped talking to them the hives went away. they literally gave me hives sdjfnskjndsjknfkjsfnjskdnfdsjknfjknf

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

they have inuyashas on them

39. What type of music do you like?

dark, longing, aching, angry, raw, disappointed, serious, low songs that get intense as fuck.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises for the concept, sunsets for the looks

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

you know what? i dont really like milkshakes. they dont feel good in my tummy even if it’s not my stomach having a fucking meltdown.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

the fuck is football

43. Do you have any scars?

yes, most of them are from dermatillomania, two big cool-looking ones on my hands from touching a cookie sheet without an oven mitt and pouring microwaved coffee all over my thumb because literally every inch of the counter had a foot of dishes on it and i didn’t simply heat up the water normally because everything was dirty

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

i want to be a psychologist and an author

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

id like a dong please

46. Are you reliable?

yeeeeeesssssss...... but the adhd wins sometimes

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

future self: even if you’re in a worse off place than where i am right now, don’t regret anything, don’t beat yourself up. sometimes it’s realistic to have hope. you don’t have to be hard on yourself all the time just because it’s familiar and natural to you. so stop thinking “if i see a note from my past self ill be filled with rueful self awareness”

48. Do you hold grudges?

yes. i feel like im saving my soul a little and taking some power back when i am able to say “that hurt, that was wrong, and you don’t get access to me anymore, i don’t have to forgive you” it’s admitting that my own pain is real so i can listen to and protect myself. i wish i was more of a forgiving person but i spent too much time trying to forgive unorganically for the sake of being moral that i just can’t, can’t can’t now. it hurts so existentially and i deserve better. time for me to be mean and hold grudges. a little mean is okay.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a DOG  CAT????????

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

“doesn’t having a human-shaped robot with smoke coming out of it in the corner of your shop scare you late at night?”

“yes, sometimes i see it and jump a little”

51. Are you a good liar?

yes, when i’m dedicated. getting my birth certificate back? oscar worthy

52. How long could you go without talking?

i live like this lmao

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

once upon a time i had bangs. and a bob cut

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

yes bitch

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

yes bitch i can do a convincing british accent but i don’t want to broadcast that fact because being british is cringe and plus my name is gordon and im already trans and interested in cooking and my greatest fear is that people think i am trying to become him when i am deeply offended when people assume i make personal decisions for anyone other than myself. no one has ever actually voiced this theory to me but it haunts me late at night. i can honestly probably do any accent if i listen to it for a little bit. i find it very easy to imitate sounds and like individual speaking styles to the point of stealing them even when i dont want to. like actually this is something that just comes to me easily i think.

56. What do you like on your toast?

fuck toast. i make a grill cheese. cheese and garlic.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

i tried digitally painting a generic girl who ended up looking really simliar to someone i went to school with only i made the eyes way too small and i would show you except it’s too much work

58. What would be you dream car?

vw bug with giant monster wheels, black with flames, big booming stereo. eyelashes in a drag way. ill run pickup trucks off the road

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

i sang in the shower back when i felt free to annoy everyone in the house. oH WAIT IT DOESNT ANNOY PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND TO ME

...........

they taught me i was annoying. ANYWAY. i am too shy to sing in the shower but id love to. i dont really do anything unusual except that i take really long in there but yknow im not actually doing what people think im doing when i take long. im literally just sitting there decomposing, head empty.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yes, of course, i have been telling everyone theres water under mars since day one and now look. now look

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

yes. im a sagittarius and clearly it is needed because CLEARLY theres no other fucking sagittariuses

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

G, because my name starts with that and i’m just great. really, i like... it has a chonk to it. like a reliable chonk to it

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

YKNOW WHAT? im going with dragons because of the fantasy, fire breathing and so on but yknow for my wip i was going to have both dragons and dinosaurs at a reptile like shelter

64. What do you think about babies?

i think they should be loved and nurtured, but they are too much work for me to want for myself at this point of life, and you should definitely read some manuals before having one if you can because people can and do mess this the fuck up

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

you didn’t ask anything here so im just going to tell you something. i am going to tell you that i have always been so hell bent on writing even when i hate it because sometimes when things are going well i feel like i am just so in another world and i feel like im doing something im really really supposed to do. it is such a euphoria and it has an effect on my whole aura. i really wish i had never made myself stop but we can’t change the past so i shall just have to never stop again.

THANKS HOOOOO

[everythingmustgo]

heyO i was wonderin if i could do a tarrot reading and an analysis? if not its fine! but my signs are cancer sun, libra moon, leo rising, mercury cancer, venus virgo, mars leo, jupiter cancer, n saturn gemini! thank u in advance!

hello hello ofc u can !!! my tarot readings r £2 per card used so if u wanna have a look at my tarot page nd pick the spread u want then go for it!!! ill do ya analysis just now !okay so cancer suns r honestly my FAVS like my gf is a cancer nd shes so sweet nd caring, cancer suns want to protect u, theyre very maternal in their loving? very nurturing, they show their love thru looking after u and making sure ur okay. sooooooo emotional, all u water signs r crybabies tbh, ur emotions rly do dictate ur life and ur not in control of them so much as they r in control of u. the kind of ppl that cry from every emotion cuz they feel so deeply. the thing abt cancers tho is even tho theyre loving and caring, theyre always looking out for no. 1. big on self preservation, if they had the option to save u or them, theyd save their damn self no question. if a cancer if upset, anyone elses feelings go out the window. if u nd a cancer r upset, u can bet ur ass the cancer’s feelings come first. this is bc of how strong their feelings r for sure, they just dont have room in them for negative feelings that arent. theres ukno. they need so much emotional support, as caring as they r they struggle a lot with insecurity and need constant reassurance. often the only constant thing in their life is their own emotional turmoil, and they have a tendency to wallow in it and expect others to make it better. this is honestly one of the only bad qualities in cancers imo like I love water signs nd they rly r the most sweet nd caring ppl, they just have Issues nd r fiercely protective of themselves. cancer/libra is a good combo imo!!! libra moons r very diplomatic, have an innate sense of justice and a deep need for peace and harmony. bc this is ur moon sign this would suggest that this is ur strongest desire, this is rly what drives all of ur actions. ur a peacekeeper, u settle arguments nd everyone immediately seems to like u bc of the knack u have to see all sides of an argument. bc of this ur not strongly opinionated, u have principles but ur always open to persuasion and generally look for a balance between two options. big on equality, ur middle ground attitude to arguments can sometimes b mistaken for weakness of opinion but ur driven more by the need for fairness which is v strong in u. bc this is ur moon sign this is the part of u that cannot b suppressed: ppl will always see ur moon sign, nd while u have a certain amount of choice over how much of ur sun sign self u express (ur core personality, often one u grow into nd recognise within urself as u get older), ur moon sign cannot b hidden. ppl will always recognise ur balanced and fair nature, nd honestly for a libra moon this is a great thing bc ppl generally Love libras bc of this !!! they r fair nd will never immediately write off anyones opinions as invalid, somehow finding a way to agree with everyone. plus as an air sign u have great communication skills nd ppl will feel v comfortable talking to u. they have a veeeeeery strong need to b liked tho, which often drives their agreement w everyone. they need a thriving social life and to be in a relationship, most libras feel v lost w/o a partner. theyre romantics at heart, ruled by venus, but also feel they need a strong person in their life to make their decisions for them. this is the libra downfall, they r. wishy washy ppl. sometimes u NEED strong opinions? like even if u desire fairness, nd r immediately uncomfortable when fairness in a situation becomes almost impossible to achieve, there r times when u need to have a strong opinions? the idea of holding an opinion that some people will object to is stressful for a libra. this means ur one of the most indecisive, vague and easily influenced signs and u need to think for urself more!!! libras r all too dependant on others and see the route to peace and inner balance as pleasing everyone, which isnt always the case. u need to take urself and ur own feelings into consideration, be independent. as this is ur moon sign, ur approach to emotions is heavily ruled by ur libra. u keep things to urself as u dont like to distress others w ur emotions or hav them think differently of u bc of it, u see the solution to ur problems as to deal w them urself and problem solve ur way out of it, and while this is a skill of urs and u will most likely come up w good solutions, its not healthy to take it all on urself. I do love libras tbh but. they can b fake as hell w their niceness. u need to let urself open up more nd realise theres more to life than being liked, nd peace can b achieved w/o pleasing everyone, and w doing things for urself. ok ok I rly went to town on ya moon there so ill try nd keep ya rising short, so ur a leo rising which is v different from ur sun nd moon !!! all of ur signs r different elements which suggests ur v well rounded nd have a lot of different aspects to ur personality!!! ur leo rising means that the way u express urself and how others perceive u is far more dramatic than ur sun and moon, honestly u like to b seen as Extra. v focused on ur appearance, sociable and outgoing, loooooves to b the centre of attention. this im thinking is the strongest of ur signs nd fits very well w ur libra and cancer, who hav more vulnerability when it comes to others. leos have a lot of charm and likeability from the confidence they exude, which can likely be a protection for your libra fears of being disliked, and your highly emotional cancer sun. leos are also incredibly loyal and generous, a leo friend will absolutely spoil u and think nothing of spending lots of money on u (theyre v materialistic so often buying things for u is how they express affection). however they do often keep others in their shadow bc they like the attention so much, so its possible that until others get to know u very well, they will feel intimidated by u. u like to express urself dramatically and perhaps as opinionated in an attempt to hide ur libra indecisiveness and dependence on others to make ur decisions, which ur cancer sun will make u feel v insecure abt !!! theres a lot of interlinking insecurity between the signs with u lmao they work well together but theres certainly a lot going on. when ppl meet u, theyll hear abt ur social status and ur charm, but then discover ur sense of fairness and need for peace and equality, as well as ur emotional, nurturing side as they get closer to u.im gonna do a v brief explanation of ur planets if thats okay but if u want more info u can 100% ask for it its okay!!!so bc ur mercury is the same as ur sun sign its likely ur thought process, mental abilities and communication skills r v close to ur core personality and the way u think is an important part of who u r. bc its in cancer its gonna b emotional: ur mentality r hiiiighly emotion driven, and its hard for u not to let ur feelings get in the way of ur thought process and capacity for ideas and planning. ur 100% an overthinker, nd even tho u care for others deeply, ur plans will always result in u reaping the most benefits. ur venus virgo means ur a lover of beauty and a big romantic imo, but also a perfectionist. ur attracted to people u can fix up, which is a big downfall of virgos. they like to fix things, esp ppl, ESP in venus wow. u may notice a pattern of friends nd partners who rely on u to Fix Them, u may notice u r drawn to ppl w Issues bc u want to help them get better. ur a big worrier when it comes to relationships. leo mars wow this is the realm of action and u GO for it. everything u do u do 110% nd u wanna make a big show of it. u wanna b seen as an achiever, someone whos doing great things in life nd lookin hot while doing it. u want appreciation and attention for doing it. p much all of ur actions r to b noticed nd appreciated for what u do, its a big motive. ur in it for u. jupiter jupiter realm o wisdom nd knowledge, cancer again so id reckon important to u. mercury nd jupiter often go hand in hand so its fitting they r the same. again, emotional, again, caring, again, selfish. u have a deep understanding of ur own and others feelings, ur v intuitive nd use ur feelings to help u understand the world around u. ur feelings influence how u learn, if u dont love smth ur not gon learn it. cancer is ruled by the moon, id say ur v wise and trustworthy. saturn is jupiters restrictive counterpart, all abt boundaries nd structure. as its in gemini I reckon ur a fast learner nd once u learn ur lesson u will never forget. u like to scheme and plan, ur intelligent nd sociable but the way u plan ur life may distress u. u may often b highly conflicted over how u structure ur life, part of u loving the control of routine and part of u loving the freedom of no structure whatsoever.hope this made sense !!! u got any more questions let me kno, hmu when uve decided what spread u want for ur reading 💕