#like. I’m an acts of service person ffs. but I can’t do that. not for them

[serenheist]

What Taehyung is like in a relationship/ Taehyung as a boyfriend Tarot reading

How long does it take him to get into a relationship? & Does he prefer long or short term relationships 8 of cups, queen of swords, 10 of pentacles 9 of pentacles reversed, 4 of cups

Ffs the queen of swords always pops up. Anyway yeah I don’t see him getting into anything quickly. He could’ve in the past but I think past relationships left him drained af and feeling alienated. I think he has a shit ton of walls up and is a lot more no nonsense now. It’s probably intimidating and more blunt to others because he wants to get to the heart of why someone is trying to get with him since so many people try to pull the same shit and fuck around with him like he’s dumb. He does not settle for anything other than what he wants. If he can’t find “the one” then he legit just rather be alone. It looks like he’s now more focused on building a Legacy though and something serious and long term so he has no desire to just jump into something with anyone. He basically would wait it out and get to know them long before deciding he trusts them enough and feels comfortable enough to show his emotions and not be so aloof.

I feel like he’d be the type to not show much interest at first because he really needs to scope the person out. So the person probably wouldn’t even know he actually likes them. Actually he could be a little too jaded and bored to the point of turning away everyone even though he does want a relationship. But in his mind there’s too many people being carbon copies and trying to swindle him for his money bruh for real all of bts are having this problem like damn it keeps reoccurring. Idk why it seems like there’s people also trying to use money to get with him like they’re rich and they think he’ll just want someone loaded. Like dude he’s already rich so that doesn’t work and to him them having a ton of money means Jack shit when they have the personality of a damn rock.

Past & present love life 10 of swords, 2 of pentacles present: the hermit, 5 of wands

Past love life: welp. Do I really need to explain the 10 of swords. I think actually that he had all this past trauma and shit from relationships and even other shit he still hasn’t dealt with but there was no time to even process that because he had to get back to work and act like he was fine. I think he’s the type of person that buries himself in his career when he experiences traumatic stuff that he doesn’t want to deal with. And of course it’s easier when you’re busy 24/7 anyway. This relationship betrayed him in every way tbh but maybe it was a catalyst for better things to come though he still might not see this right now. Present: I don’t see him in a relationship now currently cause the hermit but also being a major arcana it’s like he’s really in a life stage right now where he just wants to be alone because there’s so much conflict going on and he’s feeling anxious and having all these negative pessimistic thoughts that he just needs time to himself. I don’t think he very optimistic about his love life right now he’s lost a lot of hope. Things are too chaotic elsewhere to focus on romance.

What is he like in a relationship? the chariot, ace of cup, Unicorn, fae 61, solus 13, vanth, the sun reversed, anger and chains 29, justice, 2 of swords reversed, 3 of cups reversed, avenoir 1, princess of pentacles,ta’om the poet 29, ace of swords, Thanatos

What is he like in a relationship? When he’s in a relationship he really puts all his focus on that person and will go above and beyond for them. There’s a kind of masculine and feminine balance in him in the sense that he’s ready to be the go getter and take charge but there’s also a vulnerable energy and overflowing emotions. He works hard to take care of his person and make the relationship work . The only downside is he could possibly be too smothering to his partner or come on too strongly because of past shit and maybe too clingy for some people since in a relationship he really shows his softer side and he’s not as aloof as he is to others. He loves to have little house parties with his partner and have friends and family over with a ton of food and music.

For date ideas he’s down for anything but especially something “magical” maybe literally some place like Disneyland or pagan festival like beltane? That’s specific af but there’s a medieval type of energy and nature spirits and shit, he wants to do stuff he hasn’t done before and that might even be outside his comfort zone since G. Hobyah card is all about imaginary fears and getting past them. The best qualities he has in a relationship is the ability to help his partner stand on their own 2 feet but also recognizes that you can’t do everything on your own so he’s the type of person who would go above and beyond and connect you to the right people or situations. He’s always there when his partner really needs them and will make sure to put time aside.

His worst quality is that I don’t think he knows how to express his anger in a healthy way. I think with the sun reversed next to anger and chains it’s more like he doesn’t know how to fully show it it’s kinda repressed but his emotions under the exterior are a hot mess and there’s a big need for stability. It’s like being too stubborn to admit when you mess up and petty shit cause it hurts his ego. But I don’t think it’s super bad considering the justice card I used to represent his communication style. I feel that even if he gets mad af he gets over things really quickly and one minute he’s be angry and 10 minutes later he’ll be asking you what you want for dinner like wtf.

When he likes someone he’s not going to jump in and immediately go approach them. I see him instead watching them intently from afar lol he’s very cautious and like gathering everything he can on that person. Dude’s a 1st class stalker. Jk But the thing is the person wont even know he is interested in them because he keeps a serious face as a kind of mask but on the inside he’s like a giddy kid. Ta’om is known for looking serious and thoughtful but is actually very playful and slightly mischievous. I think Taehyung is definitely one to start off as friends and slowly get to know someone rather than just start dating because he really wants to know that person well to see how real they are and if they’re just putting up a front.

He’s not attracted to new shiny things that are perfect he’s able to see the beauty in all things even in difficulty. After he’s been friends with them for awhile and knows if that person like him back, that’s when he’d actually make a move. He finds a lot of satisfaction in doing services for others until they’re completed so it makes me think his love language (giving) is acts of service but with the ace of swords is pretty obvious his Receiving love language is words of affirmation but moreso he appreciates when someone is blunt and honest and not just saying stuff to make him feel better cause then it’s just insincere.

What is his ideal type? the ageless, the star, the singer of healing 10, el shaddai, protection 26, ram, the maestro, fae 41, the sage 19, king of cups reversed, himself 17, danu, death reversed, obsession

His type: this person seems to have had some messed up stuff happen to them in their past. Even when others were horrible to them they still kept their dignity and chose to still give to others instead of give in to bitterness and despair. It’s like the Phoenix where no matter how many times they metaphorically die, they can still rise up even better than before. I think they’re able to help heal others because they’ve been through the trauma themselves but they know how to be honest and blunt without being overly mean about it. They have a kid of tough exterior though I think from years of negativity from people that’s made them strong but also a little distant from people and they need a lot of time to themselves to recharge and get away from peoples bs. Honestly this seems a lot like Taehyung too lol I think he wants someone who’s been through similar traumas.

The ram keeps calling out to me that I think this persons way of showing love is a little aggressive but that’s what Taehyung likes in someone tbh. It’s not like actually showing love it’s hard to explain. It’s more so you know when someone tries to act like sarcastic and shit to hide the fact that they like someone? Idk why it reminds me of toph from avatar the last airbender where she just punches people to show affection it’s kinda like that. Cause they’re not good at being really vulnerable. They put on this brave face and are pretty good at it to the point where you won’t notice that they’re jealous seeing you hang out with someone else. But this person is really independent like I’m not joking lmao and a go getter they don’t rely on anyone really. And don’t give a fuck who you are.

There’s 2 healing cards and honestly why is this person so similar to Taehyung lol this person is great at helping or healing others but again has to realize it’s okay to also get help for yourself. They think maybe that they’re fine on their own and they don’t like relying on others for help because people disappoint you and it’s easier to just do it yourself. But they’re really good at giving advice and are lot nicer than their exterior let’s on. Bruh the star card makes my mind keep playing that I’m gonna be a star song by twice lmao stop. I think this person actually is a star or is working up to it cause they have huge plans. This isn’t someone just wanting a mundane job I think they’re gonna go big.

Especially paired with the ram talking about they go for big dreams and huge successes. This person won’t stop until they accomplish their dreams they really don’t care what others say and will go to the extremes to get there. I see they have a lot of talents anyway but some people were like saying negative shit that their dreams are impossible but they’re learning to set boundaries with other people and it’s more of a just move in silence energy. Also usually I don’t say zodiac signs but since it’s a major arcana it might play some significance but Aquarius might be prominent in their chart (nvm I just remembered Taehyung has venus in Aquarius so duh you dumbass it wouldn’t be that out there to think he’d be drawn to Aquarius qualities).

I wonder if this person is into astrology though given all the glyphs. I think this is someone Taehyung has been trying to manifest and call in too like wishing on a star for a looooong time and maybe thought it wouldn’t come but boy does the universe have a surprise for you. They really are future oriented thinkers and know a lot about spirituality I think that a big part of who they are I really don’t think they’d be completely atheist or not care about spiritual topics. They give a lot without much thought in return and can talk about anything with openness and honesty. With Taehyung they’d teach him everything under the sun. He likes when he can share all this knowledge especially about weirder topics with someone who isn’t going to dismiss him. I see them really encouraging him to try new things and show him things he never knew were possible. They treat him like he finally belongs somewhere in the world.

This shit is kinda spooky because both the maestro guy and illbe the retriever are holding orbs/a little white ball close to them and they speak of the same thing. This person really protects Taehyungs hopes and dreams. Also they themselves obviously represent a dream that Taehyung thought was long gone and impossible. I think it can be taken literally too lol to mean that when Taehyung is being forgetful af. This person is that type of person who has your keys already when you think you lost them. They’re really the more responsible one in the relationship lmao helping him to be more organized and get his life together. The next set of cards I used to represent what his biggest turn ons are. This isn’t in a sexual way though lmao I meant the qualities he likes the most in his ideal type. Already I noticed how all the cards are facing straight ahead and looking right at you so it makes me think this person has some intense ass eye contact and looks intimidating and they got a rbf.

With the king of cups reversed I don’t think they’re actually these heartless cold bitches and that Taehyung is turned on by that because the sage card is upright and talks about the same shit but this is a person definitely who looks colder but is actually kind on the inside. He kinda likes people who look cold like that but are actually sweethearts. This person is not one of those super lovey-dovey people or uses pet names and babytalk like “my sweet baby Taehyung” whatever I think they find it very cringe. They have some trauma from when they were kids where they felt as if they aren’t allowed to act very emotional because people will think they’re weak and take advantage of them (this is just their beliefs about themselves) they instead act very macho or tough again lol like Toph from ATLA idk why I keep thinking of her but there’s like a kinda tomboy energy but they’re really not heartless they just need the right person to feel comfortable around and need to work on opening up emotionally.

There’s so much masculine and yang energy but then at the end you see this motherhood figure so it again really makes me think it’s a front and this person is so nurturing and that’s what really draw Taehyung to them. He loves the most that this person knows so much about the most random things and esoteric topics. They value tradition and stability but they also understand the need for growth and change they’re the perfect balance. Communication is really a big thing for Taehyung it’s a reoccurring theme in this. Someone who is very good at communicating and are action oriented. They say what they mean and mean what they say. It’s very important that they are their own unique individual self and have their own goals and skills and hobbies.

This person is probably a powerful manifester too and sets their intentions and goes after them. They have so much power and confidence also with the himself card they could be a dancer or love dance since he’s a dancer faerie they’re very much into creative shit. They seem very natural and not the type who got work done or wears too much makeup idk there’s like a wild energy lol like this bitch is from the damn forest. If someone attacked Taehyung this person would literally drop kick someone even if the person was bigger than them. Danu card is always protective and nurturing but ferocious if you mess with their person. Like “idc what you do to me but if you touch my guy I’ll end you”.

Now onto what Taehyung’s biggest turn offs in general are: death reversed and obsessed card lol oh god bro I am fucking done. His biggest turn off is when someone makes him the center of their universe. I mean this in the extreme way like “omg you’re my one and only we’re meant to be I think about you 5000 times a day and have an entire closet with all your pictures and I document your entire life” 👀 and he’s like uhh can you get a damn hobby? (That doesn’t involve me) Cause imagine someone’s entire life revolves around you. It’s sweet at first I guess? Lmaoo then it’s just creepy and like they have no life or personality without you. Death reversed is like something is plaguing you and following you around, pestering and annoying you. He must’ve experienced this shit irl lmao if it’s this strong with a major arcana to come up as a turn off. Cause major arcana are big ass life lessons. Like they thought he wouldn’t know they were secretly obsessed with his ass and used other people like his friends to get closer to him but I’m telling you Taehyungs intuition is something else and he always knows when people are some obsessed crazies. This is exactly why he’s so cautious now because of bs like that he can’t trust anyone. Like please stop acting like Jodi Arias and have some self respect.

[lesbian-vmin]

Why do you think Vmin are "allowed" these questionable (at least for those who ship them) moments? I find it curious that some things are really pushed to the front (jikook for sure), and then sometime we get the vmin moments and left to wonder are they real or fanservice? I really despise the thought that either Jimin/V/other members are doing this on purpose, because they genuinely seem authentic (as much as a celebrity can be on camera), 1/2

Honestly, the whole moment of Jimin saying that he didn’t keep in touch with his members at all was pretty weird. Jimin, since day one, has painted himself as someone who loves his members very much. He doesn’t want to be away from them for too long, and he seems more interested with collaborating with each one of them individually before moving onto people outside of his group. This might be why we don’t have him collaborating with other artists while Jungkook, Hoseok, Namjoon, and Yoongi have all done so. And of course BTS as a whole. (I don’t think Taehyung and Jin have? But I might be forgetting something) And Jimin has a great voice. There’s no reason anyone wouldn’t want to feature him in a song. So I’m sure there are people who want to collaborate with him, and I imagine he’s gotten offers. (This is relevant to the ask, I promise.) Although language barriers may be a reason (he might not be as comfortable collaborating with people he can’t communicate with well as some of the others are, excluding Namjoon (and maybe Jungkook is getting there) who is better at English.)

So we can look at this several ways. We can take Jimin at his very minimal word and assume that he didn’t communicate with his members at all during his vacation. In which case, I would assume that he took it as a very much needed break from them, and decided to focus on the time that he was able to spend with his family. Or, we can assume that not every word is 100% true. Maybe when he says he didn’t keep in contact, he doesn’t mean that he didn’t keep in contact at all. Maybe he messaged them once in a while to see how they were doing, but didn’t contact them regularly. Maybe he did keep in contact with them, but just wasn’t talking about his vacation. They could have talked about anything under the sun, but since they weren’t sharing vacation details, he may have counted that as not keeping in contact. Because people would question, “mm, if you guys were in contact regularly, why don’t you know details about each other’s vacations?” If they happen to be talking about something, and another member seems to not know the information. He didn’t want to give anyone a reason to question things like that. We can also wonder if he did, in fact, keep in contact with them, but he doesn’t want to share certain things about the members and his personal time. So he just told us that he didn’t stay in contact with them. I don’t know whether to take Jimin at his word for that specific moment, but I also don’t think it matters whether they stayed in contact or not. Even if the members are close and consider each other friends or family, they don’t have to remain in contact at all times. I don’t think it’s weird for friends to go on vacation (say, home for the holidays) and not talk to each other. In fact, it’s the truest friends that can come back after not speaking for a week to months at a time and act like normal (instead of being awkward each other). Act like no time was lost. (At least this is how I see it because it’s how I am with my friends. I don’t typically keep in regular contact with people who aren’t physically around me [I don’t text much, so unless someone like talking on the phone or video chatting, we probably wouldn’t stay in contact while apart] because I like to enjoy the company of those I am actually with. This might have been the case for them. It doesn’t mean they aren’t close or don’t care about each other.)

Disclaimer. This post may talk about topics that could offend easily offended people. If you are easily offended. Don’t read. You have been warned. Also I talk a lot about both Jikook and Vmin in here. Skip to the Vmin part if (for whatever reason) you don’t want to read about Jikook. But I’d rather you really read the whole post because this goes beyond shipping and focuses on them as people.

JIKOOK

The way Jikook is pushed to the front to me is actually one of the things that make me feel like they are fan service a lot of the times. (I’m not saying anything bad about Jikook because it’s pretty obvious that Jimin and Jungkook both adore each other and love being around each other, but they really are pushed quite hard and obviously.) I don’t know why that is. I don’t know the company’s reason behind pushing Jikook so hard, but I have at least one idea as to why they would do so (if they aren’t a couple). Because Jungkook is the “manliest” member of the group, and Jimin is the most “feminine.” You have Jungkook who is tall, broad, and strong. Then there’s Jimin who is small and cute, and he doesn’t try so hard to be manly these days. (I felt like he tried to present himself like a strong man in early debut because he didn’t want people to view him as the smallest and weakest member of the group, but it’s pretty clear that he became more confident in who he actually is over the years. And this is not a hint toward any gender-identity because I’m a firm believer that a man doesn’t have to fit the “masculine” spectrum to identify as a man. I feel like that’s leaning toward toxic masculinity).

Anyway, focusing on the Jikook thing, I think that’s why they get pushed forward a lot. And I hate to say that about Big Hit because it’s a bold statement to make, but it makes sense. They can easily look like a couple because it’s easy for people to imagine Jungkook as the “man” and Jimin as the “woman.” Since there are many shippers who ship for fetish reasons instead of gay right reason, these kinds of ships are likely to draw people in. It’s unfortunate, but it’s also true. Because of heteronormative culture.

The big moments between Jikook, like I said, often look like fan service to me. That being said, I’m not saying all of their moments are fan service. It just looks like interactions between them are more likely to be focused on during editing because of the reasons I’ve stated above. It might be something they aren’t aware of because it’s just editing their natural interactions to be the front and center focus of productions, but I think that’s what’s happening. And it kind of makes me feel bad for them because it’s like the company is making a show of their relationship (regardless of what kind it is). Even if they are in a real romantic relationship, I can assure that’s not why they are pushed to the center, and it’s far more likely it’s for marketing purposes. So, yes. I hate it for them, even if they are in a relationship together because it could be the company saying “look at these two. Aren’t they precious?” But it feels more like “Look at these two. Don’t they look like a “real” couple between a boy and a girl because Jungkook is oh so strong and Jimin is oh so dainty?” Even if Big Hit is LGBT friendly, it doens’t mean that they can’t do/say homophobic things (even unintentionally) or that they can’t market BTS for a heteronormative culture, and a culture that fetishizes gay people or uses being gay for entertainment. (Edit: and fantasizing.) I’m not saying it’s right for them to do so, because I don’t agree with it at all. And I’d hope that’s not the reality of it (because I really want for Big Hit to be different), but it seems like it sometimes.

Now before I get into the Vmin part, I’m going to share a disclaimer. Because I hope people don’t come at me after I’ve already admitted that it’s pretty obvious that Jikook are close and love each other. I’ve mentioned a potential romantic relationship between them, so I’m not dismissing them as the “real” couple (and I’m also, ffs, not saying there is a “real” couple between the two). I adore Jikook, and I wouldn’t even be sad if they were ever confirmed. So. Keep that in mind for this next part.

VMIN

I don’t want this to turn into a post of me comparing Jikook and Vmin, and I decided to answer this ask because I was sure that I could answer it with that intention in mind. So let’s see if I can do this right.

When it comes to Vmin, I feel like there are far less moments that can be chalked up to fan service. There are clear moments that are fan service, so I’m not saying Vmin don’t participate in that at all, but it seems like they do less than Jikook. (And I know this is a comparison right here, but I hope it doesn’t get taken the wrong way but) When Jikook does fan service, it’s so seemless and natural. When it comes to Vmin, it’s sometimes a little awkward, and they’re more shy. I don’t know what that means for the two different types of relationships, but I’m not getting into that (because then it becomes comparing the two in a way I don’t want to on this blog).

I think Big Hit chooses Vmin friendship moments to focus on because they know that people love their “platonic soulmate” dynamics. But, when it comes to “shippy” moments, these aren’t pushed forward as much. Because Taehyung isn’t broad and manly like Jungkook, so it probably seems a little too gay. And that’s not okay. It doesn’t sell as well as a couple that can be imagined as heterosexual. (And I also think this is why Jikook is the bigger ship, honestly.)

That’s it, and I know I didn’t address everything in this ask. And I’m sorry for that. But I tried to focus on what (I think) was the main point. And I wanted to make it about something very real rather than about ships.

So while I did, in fact, compare the two, I’m not comparing their “realness” or anything like that. I’m comparing their marketing value because I think that’s what it boils down to when we get to see what we see. And if anyone comes at me for my comparison on a personal shipping level, you will be ignored because that’s not what this is about. And if you can’t get that from what I’ve said thus far, then you aren’t reading my words and heart correctly.

I do want to talk really quickly about them faking it, and I’m going to focus on Vmin for this because it’s a Vmin blog. I don’t think they fake it. Because some moments are so subtle that they’re clearly trying to be hidden, and some are so natural that they clearly weren’t thinking about it too much. That aside, I don’t think they would fake their close bond. When Jimin wrote a song and was told that he would sing it with Taehyung, he didn’t have to make Friends. He could have made the song about anything he wanted, and we would have taken it with just as much enthusiasm. It was his choice to make friends, and I believe he put his heart into that song. Since it was the first song he ever had part in for an album, it’d be pretty disrespectful to claim that he’s just trying to save face or not being honest in it. And I know a song could be chalked up to how well it sells, but I think that’s for the company to worry about, but as an artist myself, I know that your heart and soul goes into anything you create. And I just don’t feel right about blatantly disregarding a personal song, so yes. It’s one of my main arguments why Vmin are obviously, honestly, close and care about each other. And I will stand by that forever.

EDIT: All right. I went through this post and personally cherry picked the things I wanted you guys to focus on when reading instead of you doing it yourself. Because you’re hung up about the fact that I mentioned that Jikook has fan severice moments (even though I said the same thing about Vmin), so you’re clearly cherry picking, not reading the whole damn post, or getting hung about the fan service instead of focusing on my main fucking point. I NEVER said they weren’t close. In fact, I took the TIME to put a DISCLAIMER stating that it’s PRETTY OBVIOUS that they’re close, and that they genuinely like spending time together. I get that I said “Vmin has less fan service moments” or whatever. Let me clarify: What I meant was that it’s the EDITING and the fact that they FOCUS SO HARD on jikook that makes a lot of their moments feel like fan service. There’s no shortage of Jikook moments, and it’s NOT because Jikook are the only ones with moments, it’s because they’re the ones that make the cut most often. And I stated the reasons why I think that is. I literally even explained the thing about the editing and said, “It might be something they aren’t aware of because it’s just editing their natural interactions to be the front and center focus of productions,” but sure. Dismiss whichever statements you want. Because clearly you get to decide what I mean instead of me. Also, “So, yes. I hate it for them, even if they are in a relationship together because it could be the company saying “look at these two. Aren’t they precious?” But it feels more like “Look at these two. Don’t they look like a “real” couple between a boy and a girl”

And, in case it’s not clear from how I talked about their relationship here, I am, in fact, a Jikook shipper, too. I stated at least TWICE in here that I wasn’t trying to dismiss the realness of them. And I talked about how shitty it is for the company to use their relationship (if real) for marketing. And unless they’re ever confirmed, that’s what they’re doing. It’s marketing. Because if the company wanted people to care about their real relationship, they would let them come out. And that is NOT me dismissing the fact that they could be in a real relationship. If you can’t tell from what I’ve just written right here, I’ll clarify by repeating what I’ve already said in the post. Because if the are in a real relationship, I can guarantee you that is not why they get pushed so hard or shown the most. It’s because their masculine/feminine vibes are marketable. There are Jikookers, LIKE ME, who ship them because they like Jikook. But you can’t deny that there are a lot of Jikookers who ship them because they’re a straight girl in love with Jungkook and imagine herself in Jimin’s place because it’s easy to see. If you are one of the real Jikookers that ship them for their actual relationship and would LOVE it if they were ever confirmed, then fine. That’s not about you. But you have to admit that there are a LOT of shippers out there (not just Jikook) that ship them with guys because they don’t want them to end up with another girl that’s not the fan doing the shipping. Yet they still would be upset if they were ever confirmed because then it means they’re actually gay.

I love Jikook, and this post wasn’t intended to dismiss their relationship or bring it down. And I’d say I’m sorry if that’s the impression you got from it, but if you’d actually read and not choose which parts to focus on, you wouldn’t have gotten that impression. I just hate it that you guys got that impression because I do genuinely like Jikook. As much as Vmin, honestly. I was focusing on how the company treats the two ships, but sure. Dismiss every time I’ve drawn the post back to that point.

[not-poignant]

I loved the latest chapter so much, Ef is so cute and Arden is so competent and the whole safeword drugging thing was perf and the nonsexual bdsm was fantastic, but also I never realised drinking water and eating chocolate could be so sexually charged (insert ‘i hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me’ meme) (jks it already has)

As a follow up I just wondered (sorry if you’ve answered this before) but do you think ffs Ef would be compatible with any of your other Doms in particular? I’m especially wondering if sots Augus and Ffs Ef had never met in canon, would they go well together in a scene? (Assuming they’re at the personal growth  levels they’ve reached atm) But also any of your other doms as well (and vice versa with Arden and your subs as well, if you’re interested in answering!)

***

No I don’t think Efnisien and Augus would work well together at all. For a start, Augus tends to get bored by pure obedience, he wants someone who’s bratty, and that is not Efnisien. Efnisien is wholly motivated by wanting to please, and wanting to do well. If he stalls, it’s because of fear or shame, it’s not because he wants to be forced or manipulated into actually doing the thing (which is where Arden correctly pointed out that Efnisien should be using safewords at those moments).

Like I think Augus would find Efnisien extremely boring, and I think Efnisien would find Augus demanding, traumatising and unpredictable (and also like, Augus is allosexual, and in a way where he’s not going to settle for a partner who is asexual and not really that interested - and who may never be interested - in sex; they’re pretty sexually incompatible. Even if Efnisien comes around to liking aspects of sex, it will never be integral or fundamental to his relationships - it would be something he largely did as an act of service).

So in that sense they’d be terrible for each other. Augus’ leaning towards being a pretty hardcore sadist would also be not that great for Efnisien who - as we’ve seen - is very sensitive to ‘mild’ domination. He doesn’t need things to be hard or forceful, to get into the right responsive headspaces.

As for other doms I’ve written... definitely not Hank, maaaaybe Pitch, not Elliott, not Eran at all (oh god what a disaster), not Bull, and possibly Murtagh as a one off (Murtagh would know how to handle someone like Efnisien but he wouldn’t want someone like Efnisien - Efnisien would actually do better with someone like Gisela in that sense). I’m probably forgetting others, but for the most part I tend to write pretty sadistic allosexual doms who engage in a lot of non or undernegotiated kink. Even Bull, in his nonsexual scenes, clearly loves an excuse to be as sadistic as possible.

And just because a dom knows how to handle someone like Efnisien without ‘breaking’ him, doesn’t mean they’ll enjoy it.

Arden could pretty easily handle almost all of the subs I’ve ever written. We’ve never seen him in action, but as a professional, Arden can handle extremely hardened masochistic subs (like the one he cited as an example from the second last chapter), to people new to the scene, and teaches BDSM. There’s pretty much no sub he can’t handle, but he will refuse at times on the basis of ‘you need to go to therapy first.’

But being able to handle a sub is not the same as wanting to be with them in a relationship. So could Arden handle all the subs I’ve written in scenes, or create a good scene with them? Of course. Would he want to have relationships with any of them? No. There’s a reason it’s someone like Efnisien, and not someone like any of the other subs I’ve written. :D

[thistangledbrain]

Deliberately lumping 17 & 18 together this time, because 17 isn’t that big of an entry.

Day 17 - “Accommodations”

So from a *personal* standpoint, I need few or no accommodations, as I’ve learned to make my own & have my own coping skills - when you spend most of your life not even knowing you’re autistic, you’re less likely to ask for something to help you with “your weird hangups”.

But younger auties often DO need accommodations- like being allowed to wear headphones/muffs in school, having a quieter testing environment, smaller classes, and so on. And obviously, the more you struggle with certain aspects (like loud noises or crowds), the more accommodations you’ll need.

I admit I don’t have much experience with the kids who truly need the total SPED environments. *Most* (definitely not all) kids I’ve known have all been capable to a degree of adapting to a NT environment. It’s *exhausting*, but possible *most of the time*. So since I’m a child of “suck it UP!”, I’m unfamiliar with this outside of simple accommodations I asked for, for my youngest, when he was in his earlier HS years - like headphones being allowed, and letting him keep his cell phone on him so he could quietly text with me if he was having a rough day & we could walk through it together. As he’s progressed through high school, he’s needed these accommodations less and less. I’ve noticed as my boys have edged through puberty, they leave more and more of their younger struggles behind them.

Your results may vary, of course.

———————————————

Day 18 - “Someday”

Hm. Boy, that’s ambiguous. Maybe I’ll take this one on from a couple different angles.

Someday I hope NTs understand autism better. Someday I hope each autistic person can be judged on their OWN PERSONAL strengths and weaknesses, like NTs are, instead of lumping us all together and deciding we can or can’t do something, based on the fact we’re autistic. For example, I know *plenty* of autistic musicians who play in bands ranging from death metal & punk rock, to smooth jazz. “But I thought autistic people couldn’t handle loud sounds!!”, you exclaim. Yeah, and some of us can. Also, not all loud sounds are created equal. Or sounds in general. A good example for me is, I occasionally jump and let out a little scream when the toast pops up 🙄, but I don’t flinch at the sound of gunfire - because I love to target shoot (I do not hunt), and it’s something I’m really good at, so I enjoy it thoroughly. (I’m not going to get started on America’s gun violence problem because it enrages me. I can rant about that allllll day & already deleted two paragraphs doing just that. This was just a convenient example.)

I’ve been thinking about this a LOT lately, actually. We have our own hurdles, without NTs adding to them, anyway. But I think about “what if I knew I was autistic, before I joined the Marines? Would I still have been as determined?” YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT...BUT I would have hit a brick wall, because they wouldn’t have let me (if I was honest about it, anyway - I’m telling you right now, if every applicant was 100% honest about their background, almost NO ONE would be accepted). So what happened? Well - I was a damned good Marine, that’s what happened - because I didn’t let *anybody* tell me I couldn’t do something. And as I mentioned before...for certain types of auties, the military is actually a pretty fucking brilliant, comfortable environment that we literally thrive in. Again - we are all different. So this “someday” one is BIG for me. Someday I hope we are judged individually on our merits, someday I hope we are looked at through the lens of what we CAN do, versus what *someone else* thinks we cannot do. I have YET to meet an Autie who doesn’t go “OH YEAH?!” when we’re told we “can’t” do something because of our autism. (We might not always succeed, granted, but we really hate being told we “can’t” do something, based on what YOU think we can and cannot do.)

Someday I hope autism is actually celebrated, instead of thinking it’s some sort of scourge. I hope to see that happen in my lifetime.

Someday I also hope that people (the doctors and psych folks and whatever) realize there’s actually a *considerable* difference between male and female autistics - which is why females are so often diagnosed late in life, because we “don’t fit the profile”. I also hope they realize that some females are more like males, and some males more like females, as far as the expression of our ASD. In other words - back to HOW ABOUT YOU EVALUATE US INDIVIDUALLY, FFS. I hear all this shit about how “autism is a spectrum”, and it just seems like lip service - if you KNOW it’s a spectrum, then why are you still trying to pigeonhole us into the DSM-5 definition or whatever, and operating inside generic parameters?? Auties are the most complex human beings you will ever meet in your life - and I stand FIRMLY by that - so your attempts to shoehorn us into your basic understanding of it is frustrating as FUCK. Infuriating, even. No wonder we fight you so bad when you try it. How would YOU like it if we decided that every middle class blonde woman is a “Karen”, and treated you as such? Or if we decided everyone with brown eyes are slow and we should treat all of you brown eyed people the same, like infants? You’d be like, “what the FUCK?” Yeah. It’s a lot like that.

Someday, I hope more therapists understand the autistic brain better, so they can be more helpful. Sometimes the same advice you’d give a NT patient struggling with an issue (let’s say, the death of a loved one or executive function) just won’t ...WORK...for an Autie. As it stands now, most therapists I’ve known go straight to ABA, and that gets frustrating when you just need to let it all out so you can re-center and actually have a discussion. Speaking of ABA, someday I hope teachers and doctors and therapists understand the resentment and feelings of being “wrong” or “bad” that result from ABA. SOME of it is necessary I think, but mostly, all it does is teach repression & lets us know loud and clear that the way we are is “wrong”. I desperately hope ABA is reevaluated - with the input from ACTUAL AUTISTICS. Using ABA for to overcome a problem like, say, potty training or something, is often seriously necessary. But potty training isn’t part of *who we are*, if that makes sense. Most ABA is basically like putting your Autie kid in a dog training bootcamp, with little to no thought about “what makes that kid tick”. It’s all about training you to act in a way that NTs find acceptable (and I have lots and lots of cuss words about that........) I don’t even train DOGS like some schools or therapists train auties. Dogs aren’t beings to dominate, control, and condition to act in ways I find pleasing (but I’m also not a “general trainer”...I’m on the behavior side of things). They’re sentient beings who deserve to have their personalities discovered, their traumas and their hangups, and THEN we work inside THAT dog’s parameters until we’re solid...*then* we start working on pushing them outside of comfort zones and such. AFTER that trust and understanding has been laid down as a solid foundation, for *that specific dog*, regardless of my experience with past dogs (though I do rely heavily on past experiences of course; knowledge of what did and didn’t work with some other dog similar to the one I have now - that sort of thing - but every dog is a whole new being to me...because, well, they actually *are*). Nothing is “cookie cutter”. Every dog is a brand new exploration. I understand that’s putting a lot of pressure on SPED teachers. I understand they’re baffled when I tell them ABA sucks as a because they see “positive results”. Sure - you see positive results in your ability to repress that child. Positive results in the fact that they’ve now learned to hide themselves from you and others. It seems the current ABA methods don’t necessarily teach any sort of useful skills for actually adapting to the flow of the NT world for that kid - just how to repress who they are, so they fit in. In other words - ABA is successful for the NT world - not us. It actually depresses the shit out of me to think about how teachers and counselors view the rocking and flapping kid they’ve now trained to sit quietly in class feels like their work is successful. You didn’t help that kid - you BROKE them, you broke their spirit, you broke who they are. That makes me so angry. Same when these so called “star trainers” can force or intimidate any dog to performative good behavior. Same as the difference between how native Americans train their horses versus how Anglo Saxons or others did/do. In the native culture, we call it “gentling”. In AS culture *it is LITERALLY called “breaking”*. I’m not kidding - look it up.)

As for my personal “someday”....

Someday I’ll write a book about my adventures & struggles in life and what it was like inside my brain through each one. It’s not that I think I’m anything special, but I’ve been asked to do this, and the reasons were pretty logical. And I do love to write, usually. Or maybe it’ll be a book about how my autism is a HUGE advantage in “my line of work” (the dog thing...being sort of more of a dog/human “guidance counselor” than a trainer - since I hear your voice and feelings, and I also hear your dog’s, I’m less of a trainer and more of a bridge between the two. An interpreter, but also almost like a marriage counselor too LOL). I think that’s my biggest “someday” and the only one worth mentioning, because it’s such a huge goal...most of my other personal “someday” stuff, I eventually kinda go “well fucking why not TODAY, bish?!” and I just...DO it.

But generally, someday I hope it’s understood that no two autistic people are alike - but we share enough commonality that it’s possible to understand we’re basically in a different category of people from “normal”. Someday I hope NTs in general drop their stereotypes and get to know us one on one. Someday I hope people realize and understand that even nonverbals are whole ass human beings, with thoughts and dreams and opinions and a whole complex personality that you missed, because you were too busy judging the fact they can’t speak like you do.

Someday I hope you realize we *enhance* the human experience, we don’t detract from it. Someday I hope you realize we are not BROKEN, we are just different. Someday I wish you’ll stop being so smug and stuck up in your “normally functioning brain”, and stop PITYING us. For fucking what??? Experiencing life in a much more complex and deep way?? Bruh. We pity YOU, too. Your world perception often seems dull and wasteful. Limited. OPEN UP - there’s a whole universe out there that you haven’t even explored. So, someday I hope we can enhance each other’s human experience, like my friends and I do. I’d love to see that on a larger scale.

Someday.

[wefoundloveunderthelight]

Wonderland by GleefullyCaptainSwan

Read on AO3: Chapter 1

Or on FF

Tagging: @kmomof4 @lfh1226-linda

Notes: I hope to add a new aesthetic for each chapter because...well work sucks and I need a way to unwind. :)

Substance abuse is a serious issue. If you need help with an addiction, please call The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHS) National Helpline – 1-800-662-HELP (4357).

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Killian Jones

2 weeks ago

The hotel room was littered with empty bottles of rum and beer, it smelled of smoke, leather, and sex. The naked girl strung out on the expensive leather couch had passed out hours previously from too much drink.

“Lass, do share!” Killian tipped his glass back, the sting from the alcohol had been dulled six drinks previously.

The brunette gyrated on top of his lap, rubbing her center against his naked form. She passed the $100 bill to him and then began slithering a trail of wetness against his skin with her tongue. He pushed her out of his way to lean forward, rolling the bill and inhaling the white powder into his nose, his head fell back against the chair. His eyes closed, letting the feeling wash over him.

The girl continued her duty, eagerly sucking his cock while her hands caressed his chest. Her fingers trailed the flesh on his left arm, and he reached out with his right hand, grabbing a fist full of her hair and yanking her away from him. She stared at him wide eyed. “No, you can touch me anywhere but there.” He growled, shoving her back down to his groin.

He closed his eyes again, getting lost in the swirls of her tongue and the euphoric sensations of her mouth gloriously working his cock. “Mm, Milah.” He groaned.

“Who the hell is Milah?” The girl stopped her eager work.

His eyes blew open, looking down at the dark-haired girl who was staring at him angrily. “Mary?” He said warily. “Nancy?” He pressed his fingers to his head and squeezed his eyes shut trying to remember the damn woman’s name. “Janice?” he said snapping his fingers.

“It’s Abby.”

“Who cares.”

The girl got up from his lap and walked toward her friend who was passed out on the couch. “Fuck you.”

“I already did that, twice, and I don’t seem to remember any complaints, darling.” He leaned over and took another snort. His vision distorting slightly. “Get back over here, it’s not going to suck itself.” The girl reluctantly walked back toward him. “Abby love, please.” He added.

He took another shot of rum as the girl reluctantly returned to continue her task of pleasuring him. “You’re damn good at that love, my heart is absolutely racing.” He groaned, sweat pouring off his forehead.

She stopped her task, “You sure you’re ok, Mr. Jones?”

“What are you bloody stopping for?” He yelled, grabbing the bottle next to him, and tipping it into his mouth. His hand slid onto his erect member, tugging himself to try and reach the release he so desperately needed. “Do I have to do this for you?”

His heart really was racing. The girl stepped back from him, retreating to the couch to try again and wake her friend.”

“Who needs you.” He growled angrily. “I’ll do it my damn self.”

He closed his eyes. Dark hair invading his thoughts. Images racing across his lids.

“I love you Milah.” The scenes played out like a movie on fast forward in his brain. “Why would you do this?” Blurring, bright lights, his headache was blinding him. “Killian, you shouldn’t…” His heart was pounding out of his chest. “Oh God what have I done?” Red lights and rain?

Wait. Was it raining in his room?

Darkness was threatening to swallow him, he was screaming into the night.

“Killian, wake up.”

He could faintly hear someone speaking to him. He tried to respond; words didn’t come.

“Call 911.”

 Present Day

Killian watched the land come into view, a bright patch of green over a sea of blue. It was a beautiful sight that he would surely have welcomed if he were here for pleasure.

“At least you’ll have a gorgeous view during your stay.”

Killian glared at the man sitting across from him, gripping the leather handle on his seat. “Yeah, I’m sure sightseeing is the first thing they sign you up for, right after racquetball and cricket.” He grumbled sarcastically.

“I know you’re upset with everyone, KJ, but you know we had no other choice, right?”

Killian looked away, glancing out the window again to focus on the ground as the wheels touched down.

He stood when the plane came to a stop and walked toward the exit. Robin got up and followed him. When he got to the steps he turned around and faced the man. “I think I can turn myself in Dad.”

Robin rolled his eyes. “I’m just trying to be here for you.”

“I think you’ve done enough Rob. Go home.” Killian turned and bounded down the steps, grabbing his bag from the pilot, and storming toward the car waiting for him.

“Killian Jones?” The man asked.

“Yup, I’m the lucky bloke!” He said mockingly and climbed into the backseat.

“Welcome to Wonderland.”

“Wonderland? You can’t be serious. What a bloody stupid name.” He mused but the man simply shut the door behind him.

The trip from the small airport only took five minutes, Killian watched the beauty of the island zoom past through the darkened windows of the limo. He slammed back against the headrest and squeezed his eyes closed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Killian, this has to stop, you almost died this time. Do you think this is what mom would have wanted for you?” “And yet I’m still here.” “Is that what you want? To not be here? Because I can’t decide if this is a death wish or you are just fucking stupid.”

The car came to a sudden halt, he let out a long groan and peered through his eyes. The door opened and he stepped out into the sunlight.

“Welcome to Wonderland Rehabilitation Center, Mr. Jones.” The moment he left the car, he was greeted by a man in a security uniform. “Names Graham, Pleasure to meet you. I happened to hear the call that you were arriving and wanted to greet you personally. Can I just say how much I loved “Seasick”? That song changed my life, man.”

“Oh good, a fan. Splendid.” He said sarcastically as he brushed past the man and up the walkway to the entrance.

He heard the guard’s footsteps behind him. “I checked you in, but you’ll need to meet with Regina.”

“Well point me in the way of this Regina then and let’s get on with it.”

“You’ve found her.” A dark-haired woman was standing at the front desk, her dark suit and heels told him that this was a woman who liked to be in charge. “Regina Mills. I’m the Manager here at WRC.”

“I suppose this is where you read me the rules and tell me how its going to be, scared straight or something, right?”

“Something like that.” She grinned and gestured for him to follow her.

“So, you’ve met Graham, he’s my head of security, so if you step out of line, break any of my rules, I’ll know about it.” She opened the door to her office and sat at her desk, waving her hand to the chair across from her.

“Just tell me what I need to do to get out of here.”

“Ready to leave so soon?” She mused.

“No, just eager to get back to my life.”

“Ah yes, Killian Jones, Mother died when you were four. You lived with your father, Brennan and brother, Liam until you were 17, dropped out of high school when your dad died and started a band with your high school buddy Robin Locksley at 18.” She turned the page in his file. “How am I doing so far?”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m not here for a history lesson.”

“I wasn’t finished.” She cut him off. “Let’s see, got your lucky break playing in a bar when you were 22, signed to a 1-year contract with Capitol Records. What’s the name of your little band?”

“The Sea Dogs and it’s not exactly little.”

“Ah that’s right. Your 1-year contract turned into a multi record deal, didn’t it?”

“Aye, we won a Grammy, actually.”

“Never really understood your band honestly, the sea doesn’t have dogs. Never the matter, where did I leave off, ah your aspiring acting career. Three picture deal, isn’t that correct?”

He nodded. “Yes, the last film starts production in 6 months. Hence my need to finish this up.”

“You can’t rush recovery, Mr. Jones.”

“Then does this little story have a point, or should we continue wasting my time?”

“The point is, I don’t care who you are. You’re not here on vacation, this isn’t a spa. If you want to leave WRC, I expect you to work for it. You’ll find that we have many special people here. Movie stars, musicians, billionaires, the fact of the matter is, I don’t give a damn who you are. You’re all the same here.” She tossed his file onto the desk. “Addicts.”

His jaw was tense.

“The sooner you realize that’s who you are, that’s when your recovery can start and not a second sooner. Until then you’re just another rich guy hiding from his problems on my island.”

“Well, this was uplifting. Are all the sessions going to be this inspirational because I want to make sure I get my money’s worth.”

“You’ll have individual therapy sessions 3 times a week and group session once a week with Dr. Hopper. There is a cafeteria where you will have all your meals, any medication will be provided to you by Dr. Whale. I understand you are still in the process of physical therapy since the…”

“That is correct, I assume my physical therapy will continue with Dr. Whale also?”

“Yes. There is a gym where you can work out on your down time, as well as yoga classes that are hosted by our recreational therapist and dietician Zelena West.”

“Yoga sounds most interesting.” He mused sarcastically.

“Lights out is at 10pm. No sex of any kind.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“No sex. I would assume that is self-explanatory, Jones or do I need to provide you the rules in a book with pictures?”

“No Ma’am. But 10pm? Honestly, I’m going to miss Big Brother After Dark, and who doesn’t love a good reality show with drama, am I right?”

“I think you’ll find that the sooner you take things seriously, Mr. Jones, the better your stay here will go for you.” She glared at him. “Now if I can just get you to sign some paperwork for me and turn in your cell phone and any personal items into this bag. I will have it locked up so you can gather them when you leave.” He pulled his phone from his pocket, tossing it into the bag.

“Did you need to check your messages or send any before you turn it over?”

“Nope, don’t have anyone I care to communicate with.”

“Well, if you change your mind, you are permitted to make your first phone call after completing 14 days of treatment. After that you will have access to the phone in the lounge during the hours of 9am to 9pm.”

“Am I scheduled for restroom breaks as well or am I allowed to take those as necessary?”

She stared a hole through him. “Dr. Hopper is going to have a field day with you.” She chuckled dryly.

There was a knock on the door and a fair skinned man in a white coat poked his head into the room.

“Did you call me for a patient meet and greet?”

“Ah yes, Dr. Whale, may I introduce you to Killian Jones.”

The man stepped into the room and extended his hand, withdrawing quickly when he looked down at his missing limb and swapping the hand he extended. “Nice to meet you. How long has it been?” He asked, pointing to his lack of appendage.

“Long enough to not want to talk about it.” Regina cleared her throat and Killian internally groaned. “Three months.”

“I got the notes from your previous physical therapist so we will continue strength exercises three days a week starting tomorrow.”

“I can hardly contain my glee.”

Dr. Whale exchanged a glance with Regina. “Oh, Dr. Hopper is going to love him.” She nodded with a smirk on her face. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He remarked before turning and leaving him alone with the abrasive woman on the other side of the desk.

“So, when do I get to go to my room to sit and reflect on my life.”

“Ah yes, let me take you to your room now.” She stood, depositing his items in her desk drawer, and locking it behind her. “This way.”

He followed her down the corridor, noting all the windows lining the hallway with views of the ocean. He wished again that he were here for a different reason. “Here you go Mr. Jones.”

He stopped before entering the room. “Jones is fine, Mr. Jones is my father, and he’s no longer among the living.”

“Alright Jones, home sweet home.”

He stepped into the room, more windows looking out onto the island. His eyes settled on the two beds in the room. “Um, I’m pretty sure this is costing me a hefty penny, but care to explain why I need two beds?”

“You must be the new guy.” A man pushed past him into the room.

“This is your roommate, August.”

“Roommate? I thought this place allowed privacy and solidarity.”

“Did I forget that rule, sorry about that. For the first 2 weeks, all patients are paired with someone who has already completed their first 14 days.”

“I don’t need a bloody babysitter.” Lowering his voice and turning toward Regina.

“Think of him more as a buddy.” She appeared to be taking joy in his discomfort and anger.

“I don’t need one of those either.” He growled.

She turned on her heels and started off down the hallway. “Dr. Hopper will see you in 20 minutes. Don’t be late. Your buddy can help you find your way there.”

He clinched his fist, watching the woman click her heels on the tile until she turned the corner and disappeared. He spun around and stepped into the room.

“It goes by quickly.” His new babysitter was sitting on one of the beds reading a book.

“Not quick enough.” He tossed his bag on the empty bed.

“You’re that guy, aren’t you?” He stood up and pretended to look off into the distance. “Ahoy Matey there’s land ahead.” Killian groaned and tossed his clothes into the empty dresser. “Sorry, but you’re pretty recognizable.”

“Fantastic.”

“Secrets safe with me. No one cares who anyone is here anyway.”

“How long have you been here?”

“24 days. You get used to the way things work around here after the first week.”

“Not bloody likely.” He grumbled.

“Hey, don’t fight it, trust me, the first guy I stayed with when I got here has been here 6 months and still keeps breaking the rules, at this rate, he’s never leaving.” Killian thought about his situation. He knew the more he resisted the longer he would be stuck on this island and he wanted nothing more than to leave this place and get back to set.

“Perhaps you have a point. If you would be so kind as to show me to Dr. Hopper’s office, I would much like to get a start on getting the hell out of here.”

He followed the man down the hallways, a maze of rights and lefts until they exited the building and crossed a lush green lawn to a small building on the other side of the complex. “First door on your right.” August pointed toward the building. “Good luck.”

He stepped through the doors and was greeted by a friendly, curly haired man, “You must be Mr. Jones, I’m Dr. Hopper, but you can call me Archie.”

“Killian will be fine, Archie.”

“Alright, Killian, please join me in my office.”

Killian walked into the room, not at all surprised to see the long couch and leather chair. He nervously took a seat on the couch and looked around. “So, uh how does this work, do I lie down, or can we skip that part?”

The man laughed. “None of that is necessary, unless that makes you comfortable. Our sessions will happen three times a week, sometimes I may ask you questions, other times you may feel like sharing, but really, the most important part at WRC is that we make sure you don’t ignore the mental part of your recovery.” Killian shifted uncomfortably on the couch. He had no idea how he was supposed to sit here and share anything with this man, a man he had just met. “What exactly are we supposed to talk about?”

“How about we talk about what brought you here.”

Killian looked at the ceiling. “My bandmate, Robin brought me.”

“Not who, but what was the reason you chose to come to Wonderland?”

Killian laughed loudly. “Chose, that’s an interesting way to put it.”

“And how would you put it?”

“Forced, not given much choice, ordered to come, your pick I guess.”

“And yet you’re here.”

“Yeah, did you know that there’s a moral clause in contracts?” He clicked his tongue in his mouth in annoyance. “Guess I should have read the fine print.”

“So, you’re here because your behavior was deemed to be in breach of contract?”

“Something like that, yeah.”

“And do you think your behavior was acceptable?”

“I think my behavior was no one’s business but my own.”

He nodded and then wrote a few sentences in his notebook.

“What? Was that the wrong answer?” Killian said dryly.

“I’m just taking notes, it doesn’t mean that I agree or disagree with anything you have said. I’m merely here to observe your response.” He put down his pencil and looked back at Killian. “Tell me about the night of the accident.”

Killian’s jaw clenched and he formed a fist with his right hand. “I don’t know what that has to do with anything.”

“Interesting response. You had attended a premiere for your first movie, is that correct?”

“What were you doing talking to him?” “We were just talking, Killy. He’s your co-star.” “Bullshit. Don’t lie to me.” “Killian, would you stop acting like this.” “I’ll stop acting like this when you start telling the goddamn truth.” “I’m not going to talk to you while you’re drunk.” “No but you’ll fuck him when he’s drunk, isn’t that right Milah?” “Fuck you.”

Killian flinched when he heard the man sit forward in his seat. “This is fucking pointless.” He growled.

“Neverland? That was the name of the movie, right?”

Killian stood up suddenly and began pacing. “How much longer do we need to talk about this today?”

The man shut his notebook. “This is your time, if this is too overwhelming for you on your first day, we can pick this back up in our next session.”

“Thrilling, I can’t wait.” Killian raced out the door, almost sprinting across the lawn before he found a spot against the wall underneath a tree and paused. He leaned against the building trying to calm his breathing. He said he would come here after his detox in order to satisfy his director, but he would be damned if he was going to spend his days baring his soul to a stranger about things he hadn’t even shared with his brother.

He agreed to lay off the drugs, he begrudgingly swore off rum to make everyone happy, but this went too far.

He was going to have to find a way around this therapist BS if he was going to get out of here.

He shoved off the wall and walked back toward his room, pausing as he passed the front desk. Blonde hair and gorgeous legs capturing his attention. “Name, please.”

The blonde rolled her eyes. “Emma.” She glared at Graham. “Swan.”

“Say’s Nolan in my logbook.”

“Listen asshole, it’s Emma Swan. Update your damn records.”

He licked his lips, working his eyes down to the curve of the woman’s ass. Maybe this place wouldn’t be so terrible after all.

Notes:

Here we go again... I will try and post an update once a week. This one will be longer than my last fic and requires a lot more research, so it may take a bit longer to update than MHFLB did.

[existentialflirt]

D’Hoffryn is an interesting character yeah? He like, what? Appeared in a handful of times on Buffy and yet there’s such nuance there. He’s a special kind of evil when you think about it. It makes me wonder if he’s a rare moment of the sub-conscience or perhaps a clever bit of writing slipped miraculously past Joss’s ego. Because if you consider vengeance demons’ powers hinged on D’Hoffryn’s will and whim, isn’t it a bit similar to an auteur’s tendency to collect muses? When they discuss acts of Vengeance, they’re often spoken about in an almost artistic nature. No surprise when you consider Wish and that Anya created a pocket universe based around a single, fairly innocuous phrase. 

And let’s just take a detour for a second and discuss the batshittery of Wishverse. Cordy just wished that Buffy had never come to Sunnydale and sure okay, it’s all very believable on the surface because your know, The Master’s revival coincided with her appearance in Sunnydale. Like many aspects of this show, though, it’s best not to pull at the seams. After all, Sunnydale and the Hellmouth existed long before Buffy even held a stake. Willow, Xander, and Cordelia were raised there from at least grade school age, and it’s clear they never experienced anything strange or at least nothing overtly strange. For as much it’s heavily implied that there’s a conspiracy to cover up Sunnydale’s high weirdness, it’s referenced more than once that it’s far from person. Like that throw away line from a member from one of The Bronze’s performing bands: “I hate playing vampire towns.” Certainly, it could be argued that the appearance of Buffy in Sunnydale exacerbated the issue, if only as a big old neon sign for murderous fucks like Spike, eager to snuff the latest Slayer for clout. I’m just not so sure about Sunnydale being a bloody dystopic hellscape and let me tell you why. If Buffy had never come to Sunnydale, she’d likely still be in the L.A. area if not still in the city proper. (Since we’re pulling at threads, can we talk about the fact that The Council never intervened when it came to Buffy’s school files? I suppose it could be because they don’t prioritize the Slayer’s education but ffs, surely they understand the idea of a good cover if they had the forethought to install Giles into a position at the school Buffy would be attending, but all I do is digress.) Clearly it’s not against the wish for Buffy to be sent to Sunnydale to take care of a job, so obviously she’d be able to sort major events that go down there even if she’s centralized in L.A. Angel could have acted as an informant within the city, because his own story arc certain would have been in service to the Slayer and Powers that Be/ Universal Balance. My point is, there’s something very deliberate about the savagery of the pocket universe Anya had created.

 How long had she been in Sunnydale, really? Had she been working undercover at the high school very long? I mean, masquerading as a student and granting the emotional, reckless desires of hormonal teens could certainly be considered a vengeance demon easy street. I think the problem is that it’s very much a “be careful what you wish for” cautionary tale (as well as an exercise of creativity I suppose as a “what if -- “ scenario even if *gesticulates wildly to this mad meta ramble*) and I’d be stunned, stunned if it had been planned to Anya to return and become a fixture of the show. A vengeance demon can’t be both an malevolent fucking djinn analogy and in turn considered a Patron Saint of Scorned Women.

Ugh ugh ugh, I need to stop. When I start pulling at Buffy’s meta it starts falling apart like an over goddamned cooked rice noodle half the time. Idek idek idek, maybe Anya didn’t care for Cordy and was trying to get her killed. For fuck’s sake.

 tl;dr: D’Hoffryn is an elaborate metaphor for shitty Hollywood auteurs and Iggy brain fucks BtVS, comes away mind fucked again.

[thesteadydietofeverything]

Top 10 Games of 2019

This was an extremely good year for games. I don’t know if I played as many that will stick with me as I did last year, but the ones on the bottom half of this list in particular constitute some of my favorite games of the decade, and probably all-time. If I’ve got a gaming-related resolution for next year, it’s to put my playtime into supporting even smaller indie devs. My absolute favorite experiences in games this year came from seemingly out of nowhere games from teams I’ve previously never heard of before. That said, there are some big games coming up in spring I doubt I’ll be able to keep myself away from. Some quick notes/shoutouts before I get started:

-The game I put maybe the most time into this year was Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn. I finally made the plunge into neverending FF MMO content, and I’m as happy as I am overwhelmed. This was a big year for the game, between the release of the Shadowbringers expansion and the Nier: Automata raid, and it very well may have made it onto my list if I had managed to actually get to any of it. At the time of this writing, though, I’ve only just finished 2015’s Heavensward, so I’ve got...a long way to go. 

-One quick shoutout to the Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy that came out on Switch this year, a remaster of some DS classics I never played. An absolutely delightful visual novel series that I fell in love with throughout this year.

-I originally included a couple games currently in early access that I’ve enjoyed immensely. I removed them not because of arbitrary rules about what technically “came out” this year, but just to make room for some other games I liked, out of the assumption that I’ll still love these games in their 1.0 formats when they’re released next year to include them on my 2020 list. So shoutout to Hades, probably the best rogue-like/lite/whatever I’ve ever played, and Spin Rhythm XD, which reignited my love for rhythm games.

-Disco Elysium isn’t on this list, because I’ve played about an hour of it and haven’t yet been hooked by it. But I’ve heard enough about it to be convinced that it is 1000% a game for me and something I need to get to immediately. They shouted out Marx and Engels at the Game Awards! They look so cool! I want to be their friend! And hopefully, a few weeks from now, I’ll desperately want to redact this list to squeeze this game somewhere in here.

Alright, he’s the actual list:

10. Amid Evil

The 90’s FPS renaissance continues! As opposed to last year’s Dusk, a game I adored, this one takes its cues less from Quake and more from Heretic/Hexen, placing a greater emphasis on melee combat and magic-fuelled projectiles than more traditional weapons. Also, rather than that game’s intentionally ugly aesthetic, this one opts for graphics that at times feel lush, detailed, and pretty, while still probably mostly fitting the description of lo-fi. In fact, they just added RTX to the game, something I’m extremely curious to check out. This game continued to fuel my excitement about the possibilities of embracing out-of-style gameplay mechanics to discover new and fresh possibilities from a genre I’ve never been able to stop yearning for more of.

9. Ape Out

If this were a “coolest games” list, Ape Out would win it, easily. It’s a simple game whose mechanics don’t particularly evolve throughout the course of its handful of hours, but it leaves a hell of an impression with its minimalist cut-out graphics, stylish title cards, and percussive soundtrack. Smashing guards into each other and walls and causing them to shoot each other in a mad-dash for the exit is a fun as hell take on Hotline Miami-esque top down hyper violence, even if it’s a thin enough concept that it starts to feel a bit old before the end of the game.

8. Fire Emblem: Three Houses

I had a lot of problems with this game, probably most stemming from just how damn long it is - I still haven’t finished my first, and likely only, playthrough. This length seems to have motivated the developers to make battles more simple and easy, and to be fair, I would get frustrated if I were getting stuck on individual battles if I couldn’t stop thinking about how much longer I have to go, but as it is, I’ve just found them to be mostly boring. This is particularly problematic for a game that seems to require you to play through it at least...three times to really get the full picture? I couldn’t help but admire everything this game got right, though, and that mostly comes down to building a massive cast of extremely well realized and likable characters whose complex relationships with each other and with the structures they pledge loyalty to fuels harrowing drama once the plot really sets into motion. There’s a reason no other game inspired such a deluge of memes and fan fiction and art into my Twitter feed this year. It’s an impressive feat to convince every player they’ve unquestionably picked the right house and defend their problem children till the bitter end. After the success of this game, I’d love to see what this team can do next with a narrower focus and a bigger budget.

7. Resident Evil 2

It’s been a long time since I played the original Resident Evil 2, but I still consider it to be one of my favorite games of all time. I was highly skeptical of this remake at first, holding my stubborn ground that changing the fixed camera to a RE4-style behind the back perspective would turn this game more into an action game and less of a survival horror game where feeling a lack of control is part of the experience. I was pleasantly surprised to find how much they were able to modernize this game while maintaining its original feel and atmosphere. The fumbly, drifting aim-down sights effectively sell the feeling of being a rookie scared out of your wits. Being chased by Mr. X is wildly anxiety-inducing. But even more surprisingly, perhaps the greatest upgrade this game received was its map, which does you the generous service of actually marking down automatically where puzzles and items are, which rooms you’ve yet to enter, which ones you’ve searched entirely, and which ones still have more to discover. Arguably, this disrupts the feeling of being lost in a labyrinthine space that the original inspired, but in practice, it’s a remarkably satisfying and addicting video game system to engage with.

6. Judgment

No big surprise here - Ryu ga Gotoku put out another Yakuza-style game set in Kamurocho, and once again, it’s sitting somewhere on my top 10. This time, they finally put Kazuma Kiryu’s story to bed and focused on a new protagonist, down on his luck lawyer-turned-detective Takayuki Yagami. The new direction doesn’t always pay off - the added mechanics of following and chasing suspects gets a bit tedious. The game makes up for it, though, by absolutely nailing a fun, engrossing J-Drama of a plot entirely divorced from the Yakuza lore. The narrative takes several head-spinning turns through its several dozen hours, and they all feel earned, with a fresh sense of focus. The side stories in this one do even more to make you feel connected to the community of Kamurocho by befriending people from across the neighborhood. I’d love to see this team take even bigger swings in the future - and from what I’ve seen from Yakuza 7, that seems exactly like what they’re doing - but even if this game shares maybe a bit too much DNA with its predecessors, it’s hard to complain when the writing and acting are this enjoyable.

5. Control

Control feels like the kind of game that almost never gets made anymore. It’s a AAA game that isn’t connected to any larger franchises and doesn’t demand your attention for longer than a dozen hours. It doesn’t shoehorn needless RPG or MMO mechanics into its third-person action game formula to hold your attention. It introduces a wildly clever idea, tells a concise story with it, and then its over. And there’s something so refreshing about all of that. The setting of The Oldest House has a lot to do with it. I think it stands toe-to-toe with Rapture or Black Mesa as an instantly iconic game world. Its aesthetic blend of paranormal horror and banal government bureaucracy gripped my inner X-Files fan instantly, and kept him satisfied not only with its central characters and mystery but with a generous bounty of redacted documents full of worldbuilding both spine-tingling and hilarious. More will undoubtedly come from this game, in the form of DLC and possibly even more, with the way it ties itself into other Remedy universes, and as much as I expect I will love it, the refreshing experience this base game offered me likely can’t be beat.

4. Anodyne 2

I awaited Sean Han Tani and Marina Kittaka’s new game more anxiously than almost any game that came out this year, despite never having played the first one, exclusively on my love for last year’s singular All Our Asias and the promise that this game would greatly expand on that one’s Saturn/PS1-esque early 3D graphics and personal, heartfelt storytelling. Not only was I not disappointed, I was regularly pleasantly surprised by the depth of narrative and themes the game navigates. This game takes the ‘legendary hero’ tropes of a Zelda game and flips them to tell a story about the importance of community and taking care of loved ones over duty to governments or organizations. The dungeons that similarly reflect a Link to the Past-era Zelda game reduce the maps to bite-sized, funny, clever designs that ask you to internalize unique mechanics that result in affecting conclusions. Plus, it’s gorgeously idiosyncratic in its blend of 3D and 2D environments and its pretty but off-kilter score. It’s hard to believe something this full and well realized came from two people. 

3. Eliza

Eliza is a work of dystopian fiction so closely resembling the state of the world in 2019 it’s hard to even want to call it sci-fi. As a proxy for the Eliza app, you speak the words of an AI therapist that offers meager, generic suggestions as a catch-all for desperate people facing any number of the nightmares of our time. The first session you get is a man reckoning with the state the world is in - we’ve only got a few more years left to save ourselves from impending climate crisis, destructive development is rendering cities unlivable for anyone but the super-rich, and the people who hold all the power are just making it all worse. The only thing you offer to him is to use a meditation app and take some medication. It doesn’t take long for you to realize that this whole structure is much less about helping struggling people and more about mining personal data.

There’s much more to this story than the grim state of mental health under late capitalism, though. It’s revealed that Evelyn, the character you play as, has a much closer history with Eliza than initially evident. Throughout the game, she’ll reacquaint herself with old coworkers, including her two former bosses who have recently split and run different companies over their differing frightening visions for the future. The game offers a biting critique of the kind of tech company optimism that brings rich, eccentric men to believe they can solve the world’s problems within the hyper-capitalist structure they’ve thrived under, and how quickly this mindset gives way to techno-fascism. There’s also Evelyn’s former team member, Nora, who has quit the tech world in favor of being a DJ “activist,” and her current lead Rae, a compassionate person who genuinely believes in the power of Eliza to better people’s lives. The writing does an excellent job of justifying everyone’s points of view and highlighting the limits of their ideology without simplifying their sense of morality.

Why this game works so well isn’t just its willingness to stare in the face of uncomfortably relevant subject matter, but its ultimately empathetic message. It offers no simple solutions to the world’s problems, but also avoids falling into utter despair. Instead, it places measured but inspiring faith in the power of making small, meaningful impacts on the people around you, and simply trying to put some good into your world. It’s a game both terrifying and comforting in its frank conclusions.

2. Death Stranding

For a game as willfully dumb as this one often is - that, for example, insists on giving all of its characters with self-explanatory names long monologues about how they got that name - Death Stranding was one of the most thought provoking games I’ve played in a while. Outside of its indulgent, awkwardly paced narrative, the game offers plenty of reflection on the impact the internet has had on our lives. As Sam Porter Bridges, you’re hiking across a post-apocalyptic America, reconnecting isolated cities by delivering supplies, building infrastructure, and, probably most importantly, connecting them to the Chiral Network, an internet of sorts constructed of supernatural material of nebulous origin. Through this structure, the game offers surprisingly insightful commentary about the necessity for communication, cooperation, and genuine love and care within a community.

The lonely world you’re tasked to explore, and the way you’re given blips of encouragement within the solitude through the structures and “likes” you give and receive through the game’s asynchronous multiplayer system, offers some striking parallels for those of us particularly “online” people who feel simultaneous desperation for human contact and aversion to social pressures. I’ve heard the themes of this game described as “incoherent” due to the way it seems to view the internet both as a powerful tool to connect people and a means by which people become isolated and alienated, but are both of these statements not completely true to reality? The game simplifies some of its conclusions - Kojima seems particularly ignorant of America’s deep structural inequities and abuses that lead to a culture of isolation and alienation. And yet, the questions it asks are provocative enough that they compelled me to keep thinking about them far longer than the answers it offers.

Beyond the surprisingly rich thematic content, this game is mostly just a joy to play. Death Stranding builds kinetic drama out of the typically rote parts of games. Moving from point A to point B has become an increasingly tedious chore in the majority of AAA open world games, but this is a game built almost entirely out of moving from point A to point B, and it makes it thrilling. The simple act of walking down a hill while trying to balance a heavy load on your back and avoiding rocks and other obstacles fulfills the promise of the term ‘walking simulator’ in a far more interesting way than most games given that descriptor. The game consistently doles out new ways to navigate terrain, which peaked for me about two thirds of the way through the game when, after spending hours setting up a network of zip lines, a delivery offered me the opportunity to utilize the entire thing in a wildly satisfying journey from one end of the map to another. It was the gaming moment of the year.

1. Outer Wilds

The first time the sun exploded in my Outer Wilds playthrough, I was probably about to die anyway. I had fallen through a black hole, and had yet to figure out how to recover from that, so I was drifting listlessly through space with diminishing oxygen as the synths started to pick up and I watched the sun fall in on itself and then expand throughout the solar system as my vision went went. The moment gave me chills, not because I wasn’t already doomed anyway, but because I couldn’t help but think about my neighbors that I had left behind to explore space. I hadn’t known that mere minutes after I left the atmosphere the solar system would be obliterated, but I was at least able to watch as it happened. They probably had no idea what happened. Suddenly their lives and their planet and everything they had known were just...gone. And then I woke up, with the campfire burning in front of me, and everyone looking just as I had left it. And I became obsessed with figuring out how to stop that from happening again. 

What surprised me is that every time the sun exploded, it never failed to produce those chills I felt the first time. This game is masterful in its art, sound, and music design that manages to produce feelings so intense from an aesthetic so quaint. Tracking down fellow explorers by following the sound of their harmonica or acoustic guitar. Exploring space in a rickety vessel held together by wood and tape. Translating logs of conversations of an ancient alien race and finding the subject matter of discussion to be about small interpersonal drama as often as it is revelatory secrets of the universe. All of the potentially twee aspects of the game are balanced out by an innate sense of danger and terror that comes from exploring space and strange worlds alone. At times, the game dips into pure horror, making other aspects of the presentation all the more charming by comparison. And then there’s the clockwork machinations of the 22-minute loop you explore within, rewarding exploration and experimentation with reveals that make you feel like a genius for figuring out the puzzle at the same time that you’re stunned by the divulgence of a new piece of information.

The last few hours of the game contained a couple puzzles so obfuscated that I had to consult a guide, which admittedly lessened the impact of those reveals, but it all led to one of the most equally devastating and satisfying endings I’ve experienced in a video game recently. I really can’t say enough good things about this game. It’s not only my favorite game this year, but easily one of my favorite games of the decade, and really, of all-time, when it comes down to it.

[underthewingsofthblackeagle]

>>Faking a marriage before God?<< - Not “Just a lesson from the Courtroom” but an answer from the life experience of a Christian minister

“Stühle” by Hans

Consolation and Hope for the hurting hearts. Everything under the line.

         As I have taken up to comment on several things concerning OL in the past under the title “Just some lessons from the courtroom”, I have decided to comment on a post I read around the “happenings” and rumors of the last weekend - this time from the viewpoint of my other profession.

         As many of my followers know, I worked for several decades at one of the biggest district courts of my country (mainly as a Senior Administrator for International Legal Assistance in Criminal Law). But I am also an ordained minister and certified counselor of the Christian faith for (this year exactly) 30 years. And since 1991 I always worked both jobs - one as my 7 am to 3:30 pm job, the other one in the evenings and on weekends. 

         In the said post, a person asked:

         “But would they really fake a marriage before God?”*

         The moment I read the said question, I could feel the horror behind it. I sensed sorrow and hurt.

         Before I comment on that question, let me explain the following: When I came to the OL fandom on Tumblr, I was surprised by a large number of people who  - after I got to know them -  revealed themselves as people of deep faith and spirituality to me. I met people from all religious backgrounds, different denominations, etc. And let me make this very clear:          I respect all of you, every single one. Even if we don’t share the same convictions, the same kind of faith. I respect you all - and I also respect every person who calls himself/herself an atheist. Because faith, in my conviction, is a very personal decision and only a personal decision. Having said that, I like to comment on the last weekend and the said question. For an introvert like me, it is not an easy thing to post such personal things here. Please don’t think I want to preach at you. All I want is to give you the consolation that was given to me:

1. A hard truth

         First I have to state a very hard truth. 30 years of ministry have taught me, that everything holy to God and men, can and will be faked. Let me give you some examples:

I saw a man faking the Christian confession and baptism - before God! - because he wanted to marry a lady of deep faith.

I saw a man faking the Christian walk of faith, showing a very pious lifestyle - before God! and the whole parish - while he was beating his wife at home regularly.**

I saw several men and women faking a marriage before God, speaking their vows but never taking them seriously.

I saw a man faking the Christian walk of faith - before God! -, calling himself and his church “the only elect of God” while offending and humiliating foreigners and people of a different faith.

      These are only four of my many personal observations. We could go on and mention all those men (and some women too!) who called themselves “servants of God” while they were sexually abusing innocent children. We could mention the superiors of these people, who tried to hide these criminal acts before state authorities - a behavior that enabled the predators to molest and destroy even more innocent lives. We could mention the leaders of a distinct megachurch who were not willing to open their multi-million-dollar-building to help the victims of a hurricane. We could mention a high-ranking representative of “the only church of God”, flying to India first class for visiting the poor while building himself a villa for 35 million Euros in Germany (paid by the financial support of the common church member). We could mention all of those Christians, who believe they need killing machines (aka automatic weapons) because the Almighty God, they confess their faith in, obviously isn’t mighty enough to save His followers. These (and other people) have no problem to fake sacred things before God because - honestly - they only believe in two idols: themselves and the money they can get.

         All of this contradicts the Christian faith, the gospel, the teaching of Christ. All this is fake before God. All this is shameful and hurting for those, who believe and honestly and humbly walk by their faith. But there is

2. No Need for Despair, but consolation for the hurting heart          We have to face the truth. If we don’t do it and if we shamefully try to hide it, we are in danger of becoming “Fakers of the Faith” ourselves. That is absolutely no alternative! Remember that Christ taught us, that the truth has the power to set us free (John 8:32).          Seeing, experiencing, that people fake all kinds of holy things before God, has hurt and saddened me deeply, but I am not in despair. I didn't lose my faith, no, contrary, my faith in God became even stronger. Why?          The answer lies in the teaching of Christ, especially in the parable, which is called “The Parable of the Tares” (Matthew 13, 24 ff.)          In this prophetic parable, Christ makes it clear to His disciples, that in later times there will be two kinds of people in the realm of faith: Those, who are like genuine wheat and those who are pseudo-wheat. I know, many bible translations use the word “tares” or “weed”. But if you do an in-depth study of the background of this parable, you will find that the difference is not between “wheat” and “weed”/”tares”, but between “wheat” and “pseudo-wheat”. The word, used in the original Greek of the New Testament, is “ζιζάνιον” (zizanion). It is the Greek name for a plant also known under the Latin name “Lolium temulentum”, “poison darnel” in English or “Taummelloch” in German.             This plant looks like true wheat, but it can’t bear the real fruit. It is nothing but a fake! When you eat from this plant, it unfolds a poisonous effect. This can lead to dizziness, blindness and in the worst case even to death. That is exactly the spiritual effect fake-believers can have: their fake-Christianity will confuse you, tries to blind you for the truth and tries to kill your faith.   3. But how should we react to fake-faith and pseudo-believers? 

         From the said parable we learn first and foremost: Never concentrate on fake-faith or pseudo-believers! Concentrate on the truth and on the all-knowing God, who loved us so much that He warned us before it happened. God is not surprised and you shouldn't be either. Therein lies my greatest consolation. The God who knew all of this before (including the last weekend fake) is still able to change everything.         Don’t react with hate, hateful speech or with a judgemental spirit! Be aware, that by giving room to these kinds of feelings, you betray your own values and the truth you stand for. Jesus, knowing that these questions would arise, answered them in the parable:          “So the servants said to him, ‘Then do you want us to go and gather them?’ But he said, ‘No, lest in gathering the weeds you root up the wheat along with them. Let both grow together until the harvest, and at harvest time I will tell the reapers, “Gather the weeds first and bind them in bundles to be burned, but gather the wheat into my barn.“ (Matthew 13, 28 ff.)         It is not mine nor your duty, to judge who is true/honest and who just fake’s it. Neither you nor I know the hearts like God does. Therefore God is the only One who can justly judge everyone and trust me, He will do it. But there are also several things for you and me to do:

Don’t let the pseudo-wheat blind your eyes for the truth or for the power of God. Don’t let all of this discourage you. God in His love warned us before it happened. He is not surprised. He is still the same God, mighty to help. He can’t be shaken and He still owns tomorrow. Nothing is hopeless, nothing is lost until the last day of this dispensation of grace has ended.  

Live the truth humbly, walk in the truth daily.

Care for the fakers. They are in a dangerous place. Why? In 30 years of service, I have witnessed it again and again: Living a lie always leads to more lies and that leads away from true joy, true peace, and true happiness. One lie calls for another lie and in the end, all these lies lead to despair. Therefore, care for the fakers from depths of your heart! These people need you and your prayers! Pray for them and don’t stop doing so. Pray that the truth will reach and fill their heart again. Pray that they don’t miss the mercy and grace of God, that will lead them back not only to the path of righteousness, but to true life, true joy, and true peace.

Take the words of this promise to heart: “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.“ (Galatians  6:9)

3. A last word about the last weekend

         I don’t believe, that means I’m not convinced, that a real wedding has taken place last weekend. I will expound the reasons for my conviction in another post. This will take some time. Right now, I am busy because I stepped in for a friend who had to have emergency surgery and is still in rehab. But I will try to post my thoughts on that around Sunday/Monday.           I know this is a long post and I thank everyone who read it. Feel free to comment on this post, tell me what you think, send me your criticism, questions, etc. I might not be able to answer immediately, but I will do so asap. 

As always - from Prussia with much love, DoP Notes:   *  I’m sorry, but because my week was very busy I forgot to reblog or screencap the post. I remember the ask was in a reblog. If anyone of my readers has screen caped it or a link, please let me know. 

** When I got notice of this, I informed the authorities and they put a stop on it. 

[stardust--and--magic]

I'm overwhelmed y'all!

My Reylo piece got like 100+ notes, like WHHHHAAAT???? I'm utterly flabbergasted and I'm not even sure if I'm reacting to this correctly.

That may not seem like much at all considering there are pages on here with much larger followings and thousands of notes on their posts. The whole reason I dug up this forgotten tumblr blog of mine was to find help me find my passion for creating again and have a place to share it. The views, likes, reblogs, whatever - those things never mattered even when I posted regularly on other sites years ago. But I didn't expect the simple act of people just liking silly things that I've drawn or written to affect me so much the last few weeks. I've pretty much have spent it trying not to cry and I have the ugliest cry face in the world too.

For background, I used to draw and post my artwork quite regularly years ago, mostly on deviantArt (though I can't even access that page anymore cause I'm dumb, changed the password a year and a half ago, and now can't remember it - I'vetried recovering it 3 times but dA customer service hella sucks). I also wrote fanfiction on FF . Net but that was on and off.

Around 2011/2012 though, everything started to go downhill. As my life, in general, started falling apart at the seams, it effectively killed any drive I had to be creative, whether it was through art or writing. I essentially went into survival mode for a number of years and the effect it had on my art was devastating.

It couldn't be helped, and with time and a lot of effort, I'm in a better place now, but I can clearly remember the deep depression I fell into and everything it affected. I remember trying and one day, I just couldn't bring myself to draw anymore. I couldn't think of ideas and when I did, I would either stare at a blank piece of paper for hours, or work on it for 5 minutes before crumpling it and throwing it away. I essentially lost a sizable chunk of myself and I've tried for years to recover it.

In 2015, I tried posting again but shortly after, I fell back into the dark hole I'd been hiding in. It didn't make me happy and I couldn't do it anymore. So I stopped. Again. And it hurt like hell.

I was so distraught and disappointed in myself that I would go on and convince myself that I had other things more important to do than dabbling in my childish dream to draw and write. That I wasn't that person anymore.

Every once in a while, a friend would ask me to draw something cute, or my son would ask for a superhero, and I'd oblige. Most of these, however, were just doodles on napkins or scrap pieces of paper meant to be forgotten. It didn't feel like me.

Fast-forward to a few weeks ago, when I decided to just give this journey to find myself one more shot cause the internet is a deep pit that consumes my soul (thank you, Lokane fandom!). With a lot of convincing from my SO (bless the UNIVERSE for that man and his neverending patience), I started drawing and writing, and I started posting. Then after a few notes (literally like the first 5-10), I found myself sitting in alone in my bathroom, about to cry with my brain going, "Holy shit! Someone actually liked this nonsense!"

Frankly, I'm not even sure I'm making much sense right now or if I'm sufficiently expressing why this has struck me so profoundly. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is:

All kind words, all the reblogs, and all the likes that I still don't feel like I deserve - just thank you! All you wonderful souls made this girl feel like she was valid again, both as an artist and as a person.

[unfolded73]

Stay Tonight, Stay Forever (1/1) - schitt’s creek ff

David has a bad day, and Patrick tries to make it better.  Set some time after "Housewarming". 3000 words, Rated Explicit.

thanks to @j-philly-b for giving it a readthrough

(ao3) / (schitt’s fic masterpost)

____________________________

Patrick watched David felled by a thousand tiny cuts that day.

By the time David realized Twyla got his coffee order wrong that morning, he was too busy with customers to go get another. The store was crowded all day with clientele who, for whatever reason, were irritated and rushed, taking all of life’s small annoyances out on David at the cash register. They complained that the prices for cheese were too high, or that the tote bags weren’t free, or that they couldn’t sample the wine before purchase. Then David spilled mustard on his sweater at lunch, and that afternoon he found that the new shipment of labels for the facial cleanser misspelled ‘cleanser’.

The crowning indignities came when they sat down for dinner with the Rose family that night at the cafe. While usually Patrick enjoyed spending time with David’s family, tonight their moods seemed to be feeding off of each other in a vicious cycle, and the little verbal barbs that were the cadence of their relationships seemed to stick in and fester. A thoughtless comment by Mr. Rose about David’s business acumen, a passive aggressive jab from Mrs. Rose about David’s eating habits, and the usual taunts from Alexis, all of them were getting to David tonight, and no attempt by Patrick to change the subject or otherwise smooth things over seemed to be helping. Once they finally excused themselves from the table, Patrick could see the stress of the day in shadows under his boyfriend’s eyes, in the hunch of his shoulders. He laid a hand on the small of David’s back and gave him a tiny smile.

“Do you want to spend the night tonight?” he asked once they were outside the cafe.

David raised an eyebrow. “That would be four nights in a row. I thought you didn’t want to move in together.”

Wincing, Patrick took a small step back. David may have acted like it was fine, but Patrick could tell that the misunderstanding about getting an apartment together still stung a little. And it wasn’t even that Patrick didn’t want David to live with him. It was how much he wanted David to live with him (marry him, grow old with him) that was making him move cautiously. Patrick sometimes felt like he was so deep under David’s spell, spending all day at the store in a whirlwind of his love and affection, that he needed a little bit of space to himself in the evenings to detox from David Rose. At least, that had been his plan. The fact that he kept inviting David to stay over night after night wasn’t really in service to that plan.

“It seems like you need some space from your family. And I…” want to spend every night for the rest of my life with you. “I like having you in my bed.”

“Ew, Patrick -- boundaries,” Alexis said as she clomped out of the cafe ahead of her parents. Johnny was pointedly averting his gaze, so he’d probably heard it too. Fantastic.

“We’ll see you tomorrow, dears,” Moira said with a knowing glance and a small wave of her hand.

“That is, if you want to come home with me. It’s okay if you don’t,” he said, focusing on David and trying not to think about the fact that he’d just said something very intimate in front of David’s entire family, who were currently walking away from them on the sidewalk.

David smirked. “Or we could follow my parents home and you could elaborate on our bedroom activities.”

“Okay.” Patrick turned on his heel and started toward his car.

“I do want to come home with you, though,” David called, following a few paces behind.

Patrick smiled.

~*~

“Mmm, that’s nice,” David murmured, his head dropping forward until his chin touched his sternum. Patrick continued to work at the knots in David’s neck, kneading as hard as he dared. “What did I do to deserve this?”

“It seems like you had a rough day.” They sat side-by-side on Patrick’s bed, a bed that David had helped him pick out not that long ago, lying down on the floor model and leering at Patrick while he gripped the metal bars over his head until Patrick had blushed and walked to another part of the furniture showroom. (The fact that David’s display ended up being the deciding factor for his purchase was perhaps best unexplored at the moment.) David had changed into pajamas when he went through his nighttime skincare routine and so Patrick had followed his lead, figuring with the day David had, sex was likely off the table. The luxury of privacy, and the fact that they didn’t have to feel pressured to make every night alone together count, wasn’t lost on him. It was nice having David here just to sleep.

“That’s an understatement.”

“I’m sorry you had a rough day.”

David shrugged. “Wasn’t your fault.”

“I know.” Patrick moved behind David on the bed, sitting on his heels so that he could move the massage from David’s neck down to his back. He reached up under David’s t-shirt, appreciating the broad span of his shoulders, the shape of him, bone and muscle and skin.

“I wish I hadn’t eaten those onion rings; I feel gross,” David said.

“You know I don’t think you’re gross,” Patrick said, his hands dragging down over the knobs of David’s spine.

“Sometimes you do,” David protested.

Patrick could lean into a joke as he so often did, but he didn’t feel like now was the time for that. He bent over and kissed David’s shoulder. “I always think you’re beautiful,” he whispered.

David shuddered.

“I see you across the store sometimes and I can’t believe that you’re mine,” Patrick said, and he felt David’s gasp in the sudden swell of his ribcage.

Clearing his throat, David looked up at the ceiling and said, “You can’t just say things like that.”

Patrick kissed David’s neck, a slow press of slightly open lips. “Why not?” he asked, matching David’s soft murmur.

“I like it too much,” David said.

This wasn’t really news to Patrick. “You’re allowed to like it as much as you like it,” he said, still peppering kisses on the join between David’s neck and shoulder. “There is no ‘too much’ here.”

“It’s just makes me feel a little bit desperate,” David said, leaning his head to one side to give Patrick more access to his neck.

Smiling against David’s skin, Patrick spread his knees and slid forward so that he could be flush against David’s back. “You aren’t desperate.”

“I was exhausted and ready to go to sleep. Then you rub my neck and say a couple of nice things about me and I’m like, raring to go.”

“Oh, are you?” Patrick said with a smirk in his voice, and he couldn’t resist the temptation to reach around between David’s legs to investigate exactly how raring to go he was. Stroking David’s erection over his loose sweatpants, Patrick let his teeth scrape David’s shoulder. “Where are we going, exactly?”

“Shut up,” David said with another shudder.

Patrick’s hand retreated. “In all seriousness, David, if you’re too tired, that’s--”

David caught his hand and moved it back to his erection, making Patrick chuckle in response. “I’m not now.”

“Okay.” With one last kiss to David’s shoulder, Patrick moved out from behind him. “Get undressed and lie back.”

David swung around and arched an eyebrow at him. “Bossy,” he said with a sly smile.

“No, that’s not… I’m not doing a dom thing here, David, I just… I want to take care of you.”

The tenderness in his statement seemed to make David recoil. “I’m fine, you don’t need to--”

“Let me. You had a shitty day, and… let me.”

“Okay,” David whispered, pulling his t-shirt over his head and then standing to lower his sweatpants. When he was naked, David lay back on the center of the bed and looked up at him. “Are you going to join me?”

Patrick shook his head, making no move to take off his own t-shirt and sleep pants. “In a minute.” On his knees, Patrick shifted around until he was straddling David’s thighs. He let his eyes wander down from the dark stubble on his partner’s face to the curly hair scattered across his chest, to the trail that led from his navel to his semi-erect cock. Patrick smiled, struck once again how much he loved how hairy David was. He wondered if that was an ingrained preference, something that he’d just never realized about himself until he saw David shirtless (no, before that: it was the dark hair on the back of David’s hands that had been a source of early fixation), or if it was falling for David Rose that had somehow imprinted him with this desire. Regardless, it was hard-wired into him now, and as he leaned over to press a kiss to David’s sternum, he ran his nose through the soft chest hair, inhaling David’s scent.

Taking his time, Patrick ran lips and tongue and teeth over skin, smiling to himself at the soft moans and frustrated gasps from David. He felt long fingers combing through his hair, then not-so-subtle pressure to move his head further down and perhaps get on with it.

“Something you’re trying to tell me, David?” Patrick said, scraping his teeth along one of David’s nipples and making his back bow.

“Just wondering if I might persuade you to suck my cock some time, you know, this year.”

Patrick looked up at him with his best guileless expression. “Oh, I might do it a few times this year if you’re nice.”

“I hate you.”

Chuckling, Patrick started to move in the direction David wanted, still planting little sucking kisses along his chest and stomach. “You are nice, you know.”

“Hmm?”

Patrick looked up him again, this time without the fakely sincere expression. Just looked at him. “You are a very kind, very nice person.”

Shaking his head, David protested, “I’m really not.”

“It’s true.” It wasn’t about David’s inability to contain his sarcastic quips or his difficulties with compromise. It was the way David would set aside Patrick’s favorite cheese at the store, and later slip some of it into his fridge when Patrick wasn’t looking. It was the way David would stroke up and down Patrick’s back when he was stressed. It was his complete lack of judgement and his gentleness in bed when things had been new between them. “I know your heart, babe. You’re gonna have to trust me on this one.”

“Mmm,” David said in that noncommittal way he had before closing his eyes. Patrick scooted backward on the bed, enough so that when he bent over again he could have taken David’s cock into his mouth easily. He didn’t though, teasing the soft skin at the join of thigh to pelvis with his tongue. “Fuck. Patrick.”

“You’re a good brother… and a good son… and a good friend… and a good business partner.” He punctuated each compliment with a kiss, employing sharp suction against the skin of David’s hip. “And a very good boyfriend. And I love you.”

David was nearly vibrating with need, his muscles tense and hips moving restlessly, desperate for contact. Taking pity on him, Patrick finally positioned himself and enveloped the head of David’s cock with his lips, sucking gently and swirling his tongue against the sensitive spot that he knew drove David crazy. The resulting groan from his boyfriend was gratifying.

Sometimes, often in his happiest moments with David, Patrick would imagine what his younger self would think if he could see what his life was like now. If that young man struggling to make things work with Rachel because that’s what he thought he was supposed to do, if that man could see him and David walking hand-in-hand from their store to the cafe. Or making out frantically on the sofa while one of David’s rom coms played on the TV. Or if that man could see him now, head bobbing as he took a mouthful of another man’s cock. Would he be shocked, or disappointed, or would it be a sudden clarion of recognition that this was what he’d been missing for so many years?

“Your mouth is so good, baby,” David said, the words stumbling out on a gasp. Patrick picked up on a subtle, rhythmic flex of David’s hips and relaxed a little, letting David fuck his mouth. There had been a learning curve to this at first, figuring out how much he could take and how deep, and Patrick had spent more time than he cared to remember worrying that he wasn’t enough for David -- not experienced enough, not skilled enough, not sexy enough. Surely David would tire of being the teacher at some point, he’d thought. But David never seemed to tire of it, or to not enjoy himself when they were together, and eventually Patrick stopped his secret fretting. Besides, he’d gotten pretty good at sex with David by now.

He felt David’s cock get harder in his mouth, and he knew it wouldn’t take much more for him to climax; it was almost inevitable at this point. But instead of letting David come in his mouth as he usually did, Patrick pulled off and replaced his mouth with his hand, tightening his fingers over David’s saliva-slicked cock.

“Sorry,” David said, his eyes squeezed shut and hips pistoning into Patrick’s fist.

“No, you didn’t choke me,” Patrick explained, assuming that’s what David was apologizing for. “I just needed to tell you how gorgeous you are when you’re like this.”

David moaned, too far gone to respond.

Patrick leaned over David, propped up with one hand, watching greedily as David lost himself in pleasure. “I love watching you come, David. I love making you come.”

“Yes,” David whined. “Fuck, Patrick, yes.”

It was in moments like this that Patrick’s heart felt so full of love for this man that he couldn’t help but imagine flashes of their potential future together. He couldn’t help but hope that all of it could be possible with David: a wedding, a house, coffee in the mornings and evenings in front of the TV and growing old together.

David came with a shout, spilling over Patrick’s hand and onto his t-shirt. Patrick stroked him through it, smiling at the blissed out expression on his boyfriend’s face. When David had relaxed, Patrick pulled his t-shirt off, using it to clean himself and David up before tossing it on the floor and collapsing on his side of the bed. (I’ve only been in this apartment for a few weeks and I already have a side of the bed, Patrick thought. I’m failing spectacularly at this not-living-with-David thing.)

He could see David trying to swim up from his post-orgasmic lethargy to return the favor. “Go to sleep, babe,” Patrick said. “I’m okay.” He wasn’t, really; he was powerfully turned on, but tonight had been about David, a balm for his no good, very bad day.

David shook his head. “No, no. A performance like that deserves a reward.” David’s hand slid under Patrick’s pajamas and gripped his cock, making him groan. Just the sight of that wrist disappearing under the elastic waistband of Patrick’s pajama pants was almost enough to make him lose it right then and there.

Plucking at the fabric with his other hand, David muttered, “Off. Get these off.”

While he struggled with his clothes, David reached over to the bedside table for some lube. They came back together in the middle of the bed, lying on their sides and facing each other as David went back to work, his left hand now deliciously slick. He put his other arm around Patrick, holding him close.

“I love you,” Patrick moaned brokenly, pressing his forehead against David’s. They kissed without finesse, Patrick nearly out of his mind with want. Sucking David off always did this to him; he’d loved it from that first time, nervous yet determined in Stevie’s apartment.

“That’s it, baby,” David soothed. “Mmm, I like watching you come too. So much.” He held his arm still and let Patrick fuck his fist, and it was less than a minute before Patrick was spilling between them against David’s stomach, making gutteral noises that he would have been embarrassed about if he didn’t know that David loved it when he couldn’t contain his reaction.

Once they were cleaned up and snuggled together under the covers, David sighed heavily, his head against Patrick’s shoulder. “I feel better. Thank you.”

“Imagine that,” Patrick said with a laugh. “I really did want tonight to be just about you, though.”

David stroked up and down Patrick’s arm, fingers making all the hairs on his skin rise to attention. “Well, believe it or not, you having a good time is also about me.”

“Okay, fair point.”

“I might like the evidence of how much you enjoy sucking dick more than I like getting my dick sucked.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Okay, no, I don’t,” David conceded, “but I like it a lot. It’s like…” He buried his face against Patrick’s shoulder, like what he was about to say was embarrassing for him. “It’s like when you say nice things about me. It’s… I don’t know. It’s a compliment, I guess, knowing that pleasuring me turns you on.”

Patrick kissed the top of David’s head, the scent of his expensive hair products filling his nose. “Noted.”

“Thanks for inviting me over tonight,” David whispered, his voice sliding into sleepiness.

For a moment, he was so close to just asking David to move in, small closet that was likely to break them up notwithstanding. But then Patrick thought about his family, about the secrets he was still keeping, and the question died on his lips.

David’s breathing evened out, sleep overtaking him, and Patrick kissed the top of his head again. “Stay forever,” he whispered, knowing David wouldn’t hear him.

[serenheist]

What Jimin is like in a relationship/ Jimin as a boyfriend Tarot reading

Idk what to title this. Also send requests or interesting ideas for readings.

How fast does it take jimin to get into a relationship? 7 of swords, the high priestess, knight of wands

So for this I intended that swords and wands would represent getting into a relationship quickly and cups/pentacles would be taking a longer time to get into a relationship with someone. I think he definitely tends to get into relationships very quick. When he sees someone he likes he doesn’t waste time waiting for them to approach him or try beating around the bush. This dude just jumps right in and will introduce himself to anyone he finds attractive lmao. He doesn’t have time for the bs games of playing it cool.

Does he prefer long or short term relationships? 8 of swords, queen of wands

I asked again just to make sure and yeahhh lol he really does not care for long term relationships. He hates the feeling of being trapped in a relationship but also hates being alone but alsoooo gets bored very easily. It’s not that he’s actually trapped when he’s in a relationship but it’s moreso he feels trapped in his own mind and feels the need to move onto someone else before the person tries to force all these expectations on him. When he’s in a relationship what you see is what you get basically.

I think past partners got jealous because he’s openly affectionate with a lot of people and a lot of people can’t really deal with dating someone in the spotlight who gets all the adoration. They try to make him commit and lock him into something long term when he already told them upfront this is just casual. Listen ffs this guy doesn’t wanna settle down he wants to have passionate love affairs dudes legit a modern day Casanova. At least not right now I’m not picking up on him wanting to settle down long term. He’s a young rich attractive guy in a boy band so this is to be expected tbh.

Past present future relationships. For the future I phrased it in a way to ask what HE wants his future relationship to be like. Not necessarily what it’ll be. 5 of wands, 5 of cups, princess of fire

His past relationships had a lot of conflict and people misunderstanding and a lot of people trying to grab onto him. I feel like he had a lot of people that he dated that were trying to compete for his attention or again lock him down into what they want him to be. His present love life is him still feeling the lingering regrets and self pitying. He’s so disturbed by the events that happened in his past relationships that he feels like he can’t move on at all. Even when the right person is literally right there he’s too busy hanging on to past hurts and has gotten a little jaded. What he wants for a future relationship is with someone who can match his energy of passion. Someone who enjoys having fun and is open to doing new things. Kinda like thrill seekers. And doesn’t want to settle down immediately and have babies or something.

What is he like in a relationship? 9 of cups, 7 of cups reversed, 3 of swords reversed, unity, the magician

He spoils the heck out of the person he dates. I can see him giving expensive luxury gifts, backstage passes, 5 star hotel rooms, etc. He kinda likes showing off everything he has though because he likes to get praised for it. Again I’m seeing that even though he gives people everything he still falls into temptation even when he knows going for someone else won’t be the best idea.

It’s so bizarre because it looks like he flip flops from extreme confidence to self hate and a lot of self negative talk. Like extreme mood swings. Even when he’s with someone new he still holds grudges from past shit or words that people said in past relationships. Buttttt surprisingly I see that he actually knows that he can intentionally manifest a healthy Union into his life with someone who can match his wavelength. He knows that everything and everyone is one. And that all the shit he’s been through and mistakes he’s made don’t have to keep dragging along with him into other relationships. He knows he can reach out to others around him and get help through anything he’s going and that he doesn’t have to bottle up everything by himself just the problem is is that he doesn’t always like to verbalize when he’s going through shit. He wants people to intuitively know what he wants. I literally went off on a tangent but the last thing is that when he’s with someone he will fuck you up if you try to mess with his partner lmao no joke. He’s very nurturing and loving but he will also f someone up if they mess with someone he loves.

What type of person does Jimin usually look for in a relationship? The moon, justice, undressing of a salad 31, death, Jeanne the maid

I’m seeing he likes someone who can handle anything really. Someone who can handle a hectic lifestyle because he’s literally everywhere. Since his career is insane he looks for someone who can handle that kind of chaos and still be calm about it. Very intuitive too. Maybe someone important too or just a strong personality because there’s a lot of major arcana. This isn’t some easy person this person can handle their own weight and is strong on their own.

They can juggle a lot of things without crumbling. They aren’t easily swayed by anyone’s bs. It’s interesting that balance shows up in 2 different cards from 2 different decks. It seems like balance is a big thing for him. Someone who will transform him and the relationship forces you to grow and open your eyes to new beliefs. He looks for someone who isn’t an attention seeker and gives without expecting something in return. Giving selflessly because they’re a good person and not because they want the world to know how good of a person they are.

What is his love language? Wheel of fortune, 9 of wands reversed, the chariot reversed

Gifts and probably quality time since there’s Egyptian Sphinx and Sagittarius energy so he loves traveling to exotic places with his partner for sure. I’m also getting acts of service for the chariot and 9 of wands reversed. Because he has a lot of moments where he’s exhausted and feels like he lacks the drive to complete things so he could really benefit from someone who can take over for a bit and help him out with other practical things. But again knows to do this intuitively and can pick up on when he’s in one of his moods. I guess that also explains the need for wanting someone who’s more balanced in comparison. Cause in a life full of chaos you’re going to want someone who doesn’t bring more of it.

Uhhh some spice Not really vulgar though, very brief Physical aspects sex/intimacy

Jesus lord more moodiness. He has moments where he’ll be clingy af but also where he’s totally aloof and wants to be alone so good luck. He kinda likes to be a little shit in the intimacy department and degrade his partner instead of praise lol. Possessive energy wanting to own someone. Yeah bye.

[dottie-wan-kenobi]

Titans (comics) for the fandom ask meme!

tysm!!! I’m gonna just do the Wolfman/Perez stuff if that’s okay? it’s the only Titans comics I’ve read a substantial amount of

my favorite female character: KORY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kory Kory Kory she is such an amazing character, she is so interesting, the things she goes through and the way she reacts to them is so much fun to see. I love how she’s tall and strong and smart and beautiful, and I love her relationship with Donna, who is by far my second fave

my favorite male character: as much as I love Dick (and Joey and Roy lol), I have to pick Vic Stone. He’s just so cool, like his powers and his personality and how he still acts like a teenager even while being this amazing superhero. His stories have so much emotion in them, and he’s such a great friend. Plus I like that he has hair in the comics lol, being bald isn’t a bad look but I prefer him having at least a lil hair

my favorite book/season/etc: I’m gonna go with Tales of The Teen Titans volume 1. I just find it more interesting and palatable than what came before it  (the early NTT stuff is so. unrealistic. Wally falling in love with Raven thru dreams just feels weird). It also introduced Joey as part of the team!!! The depressing characters (Raven and Wally, coincidentally) aren’t around much!!! Roy is there!!!!

my favorite episode (if its a tv show) issue: I don’t remember the issue number but it’s the one where Dick and Donna find out about Donna’s past. They’re platonic soulmates and it was so so so nice to see them going on this journey together. Dick had some great moments thinking about Kory (and also called himself ‘Deadeye Dick’ because that’s normal), but mostly I loved this because Donna was so central to it!! She got her family back! 

my favorite cast member: lmao George Perez. Thank you for your service, sir

my favorite ship: HANDS DOWN Dick/Kory. They are meant to freaking BE. From the very beginning, they were curious about each other, and they progressed naturally and so sweetly into a relationship that was just so healthy and amazing. They really loved each other, it was ride or die, and they WERE GOING TO BE MARRIED ffs!!!!! 

a character I’d die defending: JOEY. I love him so much. He is so good despite everything, and SO sweet and cute and just. fdksjhfjkshkjskah I hate how much Gar doesn’t like him!! I will break the fourth wall and fight him on Joey’s behalf dammit

a character I just can’t sympathize with: Terry. I fucking hate him so much...........like. he’s a grown man (28 years old, I think) dating a 19 year old................and he calls 19 year olds children..............and then all the bullshit with the kids and holding Donna back............perish, bitch

a character I grew to love: Gar. It’s kind of the opposite, actually? I love him in the cartoons and found him cute and interesting in NTT, but as time has gone on, he just continues to sexually harass his teammates, especially Kory. I do love him, but I find this behavior really gross and it makes it hard to read issues with him. 

my anti otp: Donna/Terry, or really, Terry/being alive. Also Mirage and Dick. Donna and Dick both deserve so much better

[misssophiachase]

I'm so excited about the Jodice cons coming up this year, I felt the need to write a little FF based on them (kill me if it's more than 10 parts) leading up to June. 

Synopsis: Actors Candice Accola and Joseph Morgan don't like each other at first but being forced to act together means they can't avoid the simmering attraction developing behind the scenes. Fast forward 8 years and they're due to appear in two fan conventions but given all the baggage and unresolved issues things aren't going to run as smoothly as organisers would hope.

Give Me Love

Part 1: Hello

“They say that time's supposed to heal you...But I ain't done much healing.”

June - 2019 - Los Angeles CA

What exactly do you say to the person who can see straight through you?

That was Candice's biggest challenge ahead of Bloody Night Con in seven days, not that she was counting. She hadn't seen Joseph in eighteen months and although he continued to plague her thoughts, at least she didn't have to actually converse with him. Talk about awkward if she did.

Hello and how are you didn't seem to cut it after all they'd been through together and apart the past eight years.

It was a cool, grey afternoon in Los Angeles, Candice was stretched out in the love seat by her window nursing a cup of herbal tea. In fact, it was French Earl Grey, something Joseph had introduced into her diet all those years ago. Something she couldn't quite let go of yet. If any ex-boyfriend had given or introduced her to anything it would find itself in the closest garbage bin straight after the break-up.

With him it was different.

The Chelsea FC jersey he gifted her still hung in the wardrobe (even though she supported Arsenal just to annoy him), his first edition copy of Great Expectations and the sketches he did while they holidayed in Saint Barts were housed in the den and the remnants of Acqua Di Gio hidden away in the bathroom cabinet. 

Most people would put that down to forgetfulness. After all, you can't be expected to remember everything left over during a break-up. But Candice knew every single item and where they were, she just didn't want to part with them. Hence why Joseph Morgan was scattered all throughout her apartment to this day, not that she advertised the fact for obvious reasons.

She fingered the silver, antique locket around her neck. It was the last remaining piece of him and she liked to wear it close to her heart when she was alone. Not all the time but in moments of reflection. They were picnicking in Tuscany, their May birthdays only a few weeks apart, soaking up the wine, pasta and sunshine during a break in filming. He'd plucked the gift from what seemed like thin air, housed in a white box with a royal, blue ribbon. Her favourite colour.

The locket's exterior was flawless but the best was yet to come. She could still remember how he laid her against his chest as the sun set over the hills and told her the story of his grandparents who were split apart during the war and how they came back to each other again stronger and even more in love. The fact he'd placed their faded, black and white picture next to theirs in the locket was enough to cause a few tears and a thank you that lasted quite a few subsequent days in their hotel room.

He never asked for it back and Candice was glad he didn't. Maybe it was selfish but it just meant too much to return.

She picked up her phone, scrolling through her social media feed as she did so often. Candice knew that looking at her twitter feed was never a good idea. If she wanted a reminder of her relationship with Joseph it was plastered across her timeline on a daily basis. Granted the photos were either scenes they shared from the shows or creative fan edits but they all stirred the same feelings inside.

Candice didn't want to but she missed him. Still. She was happy his latest directorial foray into film had been such a success. If there was something Candice knew it was how good he was at directing people, she'd been one of his star performers in the bedroom after all.

Looking back, Candice would never forget the first time they met at the Craft Services table on set. It was season two of The Vampire Diaries and his character was cast as the big bad and from what Candice knew they wouldn't really have any scenes together but it didn't stop her from thinking he was all sorts of cute with that accent and those dimples.

February - 2011 - Atlanta, GA

"Did the new guy smirk at you?" Candice asked Kat earnestly.

They were in wardrobe after lunch break and she couldn't stop thinking about the way Joseph had been looking at her while they spoke. They'd just met so she thought it was strange, not to mention a little rude. Just because he had a gorgeous accent and lips the colour of deep crimson didn't give him the right to think he was God's greatest gift. Although Ian was an exact and nauseating replica of that, so why should she be surprised?

"I think he has a name, Candice." Kat mumbled from the corner where she was changing her top behind the makeshift screen.

"That's not the point."

"What do you mean smirk? He's always been perfectly polite and professional with me. What did he say anyway?"

"Wished me good afternoon and then I asked him how he's finding everything on set given he's just come onboard." They'd been shooting for the better part of the morning and the hungry hordes had made their way to the craft services table absolutely famished. Her eyes were firmly focused on the sushi, Candice was pretty certain she could have finished the entire plate on her own.

"Sounds pretty inoffensive, maybe that's just the way he smiles at people, did you ever think that?" Kat asked, finally emerging from changing her clothes for the next scene and looking at her curiously.

"You didn't see it, Kat," she sighed. "It was almost like..."

"He was trying not to laugh?"

"Excuse me?" Kat let out a giggle, moving closer and wiping her face with a tissue she'd swiped from the nearby table. "What are you doing?"

"You, uh, have some rice on your cheek," she smiled, knowingly.

"What?" She asked rubbing her face, slightly mortified.

"Seems like someone was trying to hide that fact and obviously it took the form of a smirk." Candice went from completely embarrassed to annoyed in seconds. How dare he do that?

"The least he could have done was say something rather than embarrass me like that in front of the cast and crew," she muttered.

"You just met the guy, he probably thought it wasn't polite to call you out about food on your face. It doesn't make for the easiest first conversation."

"Yet instead he was secretly laughing at me," she growled. "You know, I'm just happy that we don't have any scenes together because I'm not sure I could stand that smirk and those dimples from such a close proximity."

"Sounds like someone was paying an awful lot of attention to someone's dimples," she grinned. Candice didn't respond just busied herself for the next scene.

From then Candice made it her mission to steer clear of the new guy, until it became almost impossible to avoid him. That's what you got for being on a hit TV show and having to do publicity together. And there was no bigger publicity opportunity than the annual Comic Con in San Diego.

July - 2011 - San Diego, CA

This wasn't her first Comic Con, so it was going to be easy right? But apparently the powers above in the network decided to invite him along for the first time. Candice was generally very welcoming but she still wasn't quite sure what to think of their newest cast member.

Given he was pretty much the most evil character to hit the Vampire Diaries in its entire run so far, no one was expecting such a frenzied reception. Turns out a lot of the girls there seemed to have a thing for the bad guy. Candice really should have known.

She found herself looking across at Joseph at the signing table, his dark, blonde hair curled over his ears and that grey, fitted t-shirt highlighting his toned chest. He didn't scrub up too badly and it seemed like the screaming legions of female fans wholeheartedly agreed. Ever since their first meeting all those months ago they'd barely had any interaction, mainly because they didn't share any scenes.

After the craziness of 5000 screaming fans at the panel earlier in the day and a never ending number of interviews it was time for the after party, an opportunity to let loose and really enjoy themselves. Given they were all staying in the same hotel it seemed normal that they made their way together however for some reason it was just him and her crossing the street while surrounded by screaming photographers.

Candice was trying not to stare at just how adorable he looked in that suit while making sure her strapless, aqua dress was still in place as they walked brusquely to avoid the cameras. If there was one thing she knew about Joseph from their day at Comic Con it was just how overwhelmed he seemed to be around the press. For Candice it was actually refreshing given how arrogant some actors could be. Maybe she'd misjudged him?

One of the photographers got too close, knocking her slightly and Joseph reached forward without thinking. His hand grazed her lower back and Candice felt herself shiver slightly. "Are you okay, love?"

"Um, yeah, thanks," she mumbled, her gaze cast downwards. "It's uh just a little cold." She cursed inwardly thinking what a lame excuse it was. The one thing Candice knew without a doubt was that 90 degrees on a Summer night in San Diego wasn't in the least bit cold and she was sure he was aware of that fact.

"If I had a jacket I'd give it to you," he promised choosing to ignore her lie, steering her towards their destination. Maybe it wasn't the best look given the press would misconstrue anything but right now she didn't give a damn, it felt far too good having his hand on her back.

"Nice to see chivalry isn't completely dead," she smirked, and by his expression he couldn't miss the sarcastic tone in her voice.

"Is there something I'm missing?" Joseph murmured, trying to avoid the inquisitive stares of the reporters loitering close by. "You realise I'm a gentleman, right?"

"A gentleman who doesn't tell a girl she has rice stuck to her cheek?"

"I didn't want to be rude," he insisted, his cheeks colouring slightly with embarrassment. She'd never admit it aloud but it was pretty cute.

"Trust me, Morgan, a girl needs to know these things even if she barely knows you."

"Noted, Accola," he grinned.

"Um, we're here," she said, gesturing towards the hotel where the party was being held. "You can let go of me now." As soon as Candice said it she regretted it as he lifted his hand from her lower back. She gave him a thankful smile and breezed into the party like the professional actress she was. But she'd be lying if she couldn't still feel the residual heat on her back.

October - 2011 - Atlanta, GA

"Social media is going to go nuts," Candice murmured, laying herself out on the bed. "You know if it's anything like the response from you putting your hand on my back at Comic Con in July."

"I was only trying to protect you," he replied, flashing her one of his winning smiles.

They were currently at the Forbes house ready to film their second ever scene together. Candice would be lying if it wasn't a big moment for her. She'd always been able to hide her attraction for him because they didn't share any scenes, well until now that was. Now she had to be in close proximity and in a bed of all things. She wasn't quite sure what the writers were getting at given she'd been so hot and heavy with Michael's character Tyler lately.

"Funnily enough I didn't need protection and we both know that," she smirked. "I really should have known Klaus would order Tyler to bite me only to ride in on his horse and save the day."

"I think you've misjudged Klaus, he really can be a nice guy," he offered, winking in her direction. "Speaking of which, I better go wrangle my horse in anticipation."

Candice would be lying if she didn't think he was cute. She'd been so quick to write him off as one of your typical, egotistical actors she came across daily (not naming any names of course) but he had this adorable wit that she couldn't quite resist. Ever since he'd placed his hand on her back in July she'd been a little distracted by those lips and those damn dimples too.

Candice was an actor first and foremost and the scene played out exactly as planned but she couldn't deny just how good it felt to have his body pressed up against hers in bed as she pretended to drink from his wrist. His chest seemed so much more toned than she'd imagined and the smell of his spicy aftershave was definitely causing a few foreign feelings to take over. It was all done in one take, unheard of but Candice knew their underlying chemistry had definitely played its part in creating such a perfect scene.

"Don't worry I'm not counting," he smiled rising from the bed, as the crew moved away in preparedness for the next scene.

"I'm sorry?"

"You know the number of times I've saved you."

"Oh p-uh-lease," she groaned, rolling her eyes as she did. Candice was finding it more and more difficult not to act on her burgeoning feelings for him and she secretly hoped they got more time to spend with each other on set as an excuse.

TBC...On FF HERE

Fun Real Life Fact: Joseph first saw Candice at the craft services table with rice on her face

[cassatine]

Wait, I've been reading your posts on Macron (I'm not really well-versed in the nuances of French politics, so I may be getting something wrong here) but it seems you're saying that he's acting like a dictator, refusing to cede power, using the army to maintain his control... but when that scottish blogger cybersmith said it, you said that was wrong. Is Macron a tyrant or not? (also, I hope yor okay, some people have been hurt)

Yeah huh what “that scottish blogger” actually said, and I quote:

Does it not alarm you that Macron has announced his intention to rule your homeland and countrymen in perpetuity as an eternal dictator, even going so far as to proclaim himself a manifestation of divinity? Or do you still find this preferable to the possibility of a (humanely implemented) regime change carried out by concerned neighbour-states?

and

I did warn you about Macron. Now he has openly declared his intention to rule France as an immortal god-king.

and

He… Literally compared himself to a pagan sky-father. I’m not being a conspiracy theorist. He makes no secret of it now that he has won the election.

and

As a French person, would you be in favour of a New Reconquista to rescue the lands of Europe from Illuminati-Backed Jihadism? I am planning to ask my MP to bring this up on the House Of Commons (because of the upcoming GE in the UK) but it occurs to me that such an endeavour would necessarily start in France, and I hadn't discussed this with any French People. Do you think foreign intervention -from the Occidental nations that yet remain free- will be necessary to unseat the vile Satrap Macron? 

and, from an unanswered ask because I HAVE FUCKING LIMITS.

When I pointed out that your country would be better of under a monarch, or with externally-imposed regime change, you scoffed at me. Now the aspiring god-king is readying his merciless troops to slaughter your countrymen, cementing his iron rule with a mortar of blood and tears. I was correct, from the very beginning.

I mean I don’t want to sound mean, anon, but there is a difference between "Macron & his gvt are flirting with authoritarianism by exploiting the weakness of the Vth Republics institutions and of representative democracy because he’s fucked, with on one side a population that doesn’t want his reforms and on the other the private interests that helped him get where he is (+the actually hard-to-avoid obligations that come with being part of the EU)" and "immortal god-king” bullshit. 

I bolded the important parts. Look, what Macron & co are doing is gaming the system, so to speak (see first bolded part), and not to establish some kind of dictatorship headed by an immortal god-king or whatever, but because overall the french are chauvinists attached to their conception of social and economic justice who have been noping in the face of unchecked neoliberalism, and that’s no good for das kapital. Macron’s doing exactly what’s been done by many others -- he went from banking to public service, and he probably intends to go back to banking, and the point of his public stint isn’t politics or even ruling or power, it’s to enact reforms benefitting his class and open the door wide to that unchecked neoliberalism the general public doesn’t like much. His plans for Europe are in the continuity of this. 

But the thing is, Macron didn’t really do anything our previous gvts. didn’t do (beyond not bothering to hide his class disdain, which certainly helped to get people against him. most politicians at least have the sense to use lube before fucking us over, but his party is amazingly shitty on that end), he’s just... accelerated the cadence. And sure he got where he is and did what he’s been doing not without some very illegal shit, but mostly because systemically the conditions were already there for him or someone like him -- there’s this old joke that everyone here knows and that says it all: we don’t have a president, we have a king.

Now don’t get me wrong, what’s going on here is shitty, and I’m afraid because it’s far from over, but we still have quiiite a way to go before dictatorship (we do have counterpowers, even the Senate got in on it), and I hate to admit it but if Macron’s refusing to step down of like, his own initiative, there is no ongoing procedure or motion or whatever that would obligate him to. As to the army, that shit is scary af but again, there’s a nuance to make -- although I’m really fucking scared that they might end up firing on people during protests and the communication around their deployment at the last protest was abysmal, the gvt. doesn’t want them to fire. I’m afraid it will happen not in the sense that they will be ordered to fire, I’m not quite there yet, but in the sense that the Sentinelle (the concerned unit) are not trained for crowd control. The gvt. also doesn’t want to use them outside of the specific context of GJ protests (and yknow, their actual duties). The Sentinelle people are an anti-terrorism brigade, and calling them specifically is part of the ongoing effort to depict GJ as... well, terrorists, or at the very least definitely dangerous. 

It was also a gambit. They’re still hoping they’ll find THE thing to keep the GJ home, and the fact that they’re down to waving the threat of the army around (and again, I Worry, but that’s what putting the Sentinelle specifically where the GJ are not supposed to protest amounts to, abysmal communication notwithstanding) when people are already aware protesting might kill them (because it happened!!), among other ugly consequences is scary af, yes, but it’s also a sign that the gvt.’s options to maintain itself have dwindled something crazy. You call the army when you’re losing control, not when you have it. 

Because again, our man Manu is kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, he’s got the GJ and little popular support, and an actual politician would have to factor that. But on the other hand, that boy owes. He owes to those who helped put him where he is to defend their interests and who keep helping him so that he keeps doing exactly that. He can’t give the GJ what they want without losing that support, he can’t leave without losing that support, and without it he’s just plain fucked. 

So basically we’re in a complicated situation! The specters of full-blown authoritarianism, plutocratic dictatorship, and who knows what other horrors loom on the horizon. But so do others, like the specter of our victory, and now that we’ve seen it...

The thing is that we’ve won a huge battle already, because Macron was supposed to deliver a success story. He was supposed to reform the unreformable! To maintain the oh so practical ‘populism’ (ie. the far right and the left -- it’s not quite the same here as in the US, but we’re seeing a similar displacement of meaning wrt. the left, the far left and the ‘center’) vs ‘liberalism’ (ie. unchecked neoliberalism basically) pseudo-opposition, in which one is the only solution to the other, the only alternative! He was supposed to be the youthful, energic face of progressism, a Mozart of finance who would deliver where traditional politicians couldn’t. He was supposed to unite ze french beyond political and social divides (and he kinda did do that, ironically enough), and a bunch of shit besides. 

We fucked that up, and we fucked it up good. Most of the merit is his, though -- he got us to the current situation. He got us to people asking for his head (metaphorically), but more than that, he got us to realize what’s become a slogan: fin du monde, fin du mois, même combat -- end of the world, end of the month, same fight, and he got us talking about the relative merits of participative and representative democracy and how our institutions should work and for whom because collective intelligence is actually a thing and we realized he is a symptom and it’s the root we need to go after. Not that no one knew it before, but the trajectory from protests against an oil tax to the protests we have now, that’s a victory unto itself.  

Anyway, I forgot the point somewhere, but overall, going from the symbolic “jupiterian presidency” WHICH IS WHAT TCS WAS REFERRING TO FFS to the painfully literal “Macron has announced his intention to rule your homeland and countrymen in perpetuity as an eternal dictator, even going so far as to proclaim himself a manifestation of divinity“ etc etc is still a really bad take (and I’m not Going There but “New Reconquista” is not an innocuous term). Reality is weird and shitty enough as it is, thanks.

[pain-somnia]

Can I Be Yours? [8/?]

Rating: M

Summary: short but fluffy

first | previous

FF.NET

Chapter Eight: Something We Need

This is what Sakura had missed the first morning.

Sakura had woken up much earlier than Satsuki. It was a combination of being an early riser and also having woken up in the middle of the night to make sure she had an alarm so that she was awake when the trains started running again.

Satsuki’s face was smooth of the dimple between her eyebrows from them always being drawn down and her mouth was slightly parted without the slight downward curve they had. Sakura smiled at the slight fluttering of her eyelashes as she slept.

So cute!

Sakura would have loved to have spent all day just like that, cradling Satsuki’s head in her arms and their legs intertwined. But sadly, adult life was calling to her and she had to head home so she could get ready for work.

“‘Tsuki?” Sakura murmured pressing a kiss on her forehead. “It’s time for me to go.���

Satsuki groaned and pressed her face against Sakura’s chest. She wrapped her arms around her torso refusing to let her go.

“I have to go to work,” Sakura giggled. She hadn’t expected Satsuki to act so spoiled. “Come on. Let’s—“

Sakura let out a yelp as Satsuki ran her tongue over her nipple. Sakura opened her mouth to scold her when Satsuki wrapped her lips around the same nipple and sucked on it.

Sakura was mentally calculating how much time she could sacrifice to spend more time lounging around with Satsuki when the other woman flopped back to sleep.

“Don’t start anything you can’t finish,” Sakura grumbled, pulling away. . .

Satsuki woke up hours later to an empty bed.

The sheets on the other side of the bed were cold even though they still smelled of lavender body soap and apple shampoo. Satsuki was naked which normally would have been fine but she felt unusually colder than she normally would have.

She rolled on her back and stared at the ceiling. There was something unsettling about the silence that filled her apartment now that Sakura was gone. There was no sound of another person breathing. There was no slight rustling from a second body moving under the sheets, adjusting for comfort.

This doesn’t feel too good.

Satsuki spread her arms and legs out wide.

Since when has my bed felt so big?

Satsuki sighed and closed her eyes.

“Ah. I see now.”

. .

Sakura sighed, glad to set all of the shopping bags she was carrying down on the seat next to her. She was lucky that she made it on the train before rush hour and would have a seat to protect her bags from getting crushed.

She had just closed her eyes to take a calming breath when her personal phone started ringing.

“Hello?”

“Oh, so now you answer your phone!”

“Hey Karin,” Sakura yawned. “I’m using the metro right now.”

“That’s always your excuse!”

“I’m just warning you in case I get cut off again.” Sakura rubbed the back of her neck. She should have called a car service. “How’s the missus?”

“Tenten is great. She says hi and lots of love. At least she would if she weren’t sleeping.”

“Still not good with long car rides, huh?”

“She was super excited after you sent that photo of the early snowfall but my girl just passed out.”

“Are you guys sure you’re ready for the cold?”

“I had to stop her from buying one of those bulky bubble jackets.”

Karin gagged over the line and Sakura giggled. She was so excited to hang out with her married friends again.

It was already after Thanksgiving and Sakura was busy preparing for the upcoming holiday.

It was nice to know that Karin wasn’t letting family issues keep her away from her hometown.

“I’m going underground soon so I’ll lose signal.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ll see you at Ino’s tonight, right?”

“I actually have plans tonight so I’ll see you tomorrow between errands.”

“What? Oh no, don’t you dare hang up on me! Sak━”

The line went dead once the train went into the tunnel. Sakura shook her head and stifled a giggle. She knew she was going to be getting an ear full later when she got to meet up with her friends.

Ino had blabbed to Karin that Sakura had a new girlfriend and Sakura knew that Karin was waiting to see her in person to get all of the details out of her.

Sakura sighed and flipped through her call log. She hadn’t been able to talk to Satsuki in a few days because they both were busy with work. They were texting and had made plans for that night but she was feeling just a little lonely not having been able to actually hear her voice because their schedules weren’t syncing up.

This is usually around the time I get dumped….

The last person Sakura had dated was always busy with work and she felt like she was more someone of convenience. Just someone that she would meet up with when they craved another person’s touch. He had ended their relationship and Sakura was left to wonder what was wrong with her that she kept attracting inconsiderate people.

So far she seemed to be lucky with Satsuki. There wasn’t a moment she felt like she was only a partner of convenience and even though she felt lonely at times she never felt neglected. Satsuki gave short replies but she also checked in on her and asked her how work was going.

Sometimes Sakura would get that text right when she was feeling low and exhausted and she would feel cared about knowing that Satsuki was understanding of her job.

And that was something she needed. . .

Satsuki was running late.

She was always punctual for everything but due to single tracking she was running late to her date with Sakura.

It was an irritating position to be in considering she made sure to be on time to all dates because Sakura was always busy with work but still made time for her whenever she could and never kept her waiting.

And she’s so patient with me…

Satsuki had expected Sakura to have grown fed up with their relationship by this point. There was always a sick feeling welling in her stomach that Sakura would prefer someone that had more experience when it came to romantic relationships.

There were moments when it felt as though Satsuki was standing at a metro station waiting for her train but it never showed up. All the other passengers boarded their trains but she was still waiting for hers to arrive and remained alone at the station platform.

Entering adulthood, Satsuki ignored that feeling. She had school, a portfolio to work on, and things like figuring out what her peers had just didn’t seem to be important.

And then when she was in college she realized she didn’t care if she ever did understand what they had figured out.

It was too bad a certain former friend of hers just couldn’t get that through his thick skull.

Satsuki had decided she was content with loneliness. She had her family and her lampwork. She didn’t need anyone else.

But when Sakura smiled at her or got really excited over something and her pretty jade eyes would gleam and Satsuki’s chest would flutter and grow pleasantly warm.

And all the more wonderful the feeling when she was the one that caused that happiness or excitement.

Satsuki spotted the rose gold strands peeking out from Sakura’s cream colored beret. She was standing outside of the brasserie, cupping her hands in front of her mouth and blowing warm air on them.

“You should have waited inside.”

“It’s kind of crowded and I didn’t want you to miss me.” Sakura pulled at Satsuki’s utility jacket and smiled shyly, her eyes glowing. “We missed our reservation though.”

“Yeah, there was single tracking.” Satsuki sighed and peered in through the windows. “It is crowded. How long until another table opens up?”

“An hour. Unless we sit at the bar then we can be seated now.”

“We,” Satsuki eyed the crowded bar, “can do that.”

“Or we can go somewhere else?” Sakura suggested, tilting her head in the direction of the street. “Maybe a slice of pizza?”

“Are you sure?” Satsuki frowned. Sakura was being accommodating again.

“Dinner wasn’t the point of meeting up.” Sakura intertwined her fingers with Satsuki. “I just wanted to see you. No matter how long I had to wait.”

“You’re dressed a little too nicely for Jumbo Slice.” Satsuki fingered the collar of Sakura’s cream colored pea coat. She was wearing her usual posh fashion.

“No one is ever dressed too nicely for pizza,” Sakura giggled and tugged on her arm. “In fact. We could pick up a pie and head to my place and have a night in.”

“Um…” Satsuki bit her lower lip, eyebrows drawn forward in a frown.

There was an implication in a night in and today wasn’t  one of those days that Satsuki felt comfortable with that kind of evening.

“It’s just a night in with pizza and maybe a movie.” Sakura squeezed her hand reassuringly. “And possibly some cuddling?”

Satsuki laughed through her nose and nodded. She readjusted their fingers and they walked side by side, sharing each other’s warmth.

It was something so simple and so nice.

This was something Satsuki needed. . .

Day’s Note: it’s really late but I hope you enjoy the fluff. And yes I do ship TenKarin. Hopefully I get another chapter out right after SSM (because yes I am participating this year I have already started working on prompts). I will probably not post them on FF, just leave them on tumblr. It’s highly likely I will not.

Hope to talk to you soon~

[socialistsephardi]

Regarding cops and soldiers.

ACAB/ASAB.

It's not a comment on them as individuals, its a comment on the role they play in society and the wider world and the inherent corruption and power abuse present in both the policing system and the military industrial complex. Both are not much more them money making tools for the wealthy, either by locking up and looting minorities and provide literal slave labor in the form of prison work, or by pillaging, uprooting, and obliterating foreign governments, markets, and populace in order to ransack their material wealth, strategic resources, and further develop a stranglehold over global hegemony.

We don't give a fuck about your nice aunt who's a cop, and you know, yeah, maybe she is a good person, maybe shes a great person! It's not a judgement on her. But the role of the cop is an abusive one, cops and soldiers are respectively the domestic and foreign sides of the coin of populace subjugation.

I have friends who are aspiring cops and who are soldiers, actively on duty. I love them very much, I hate the role they play and though I know there is many different reasons why they've gotten to where they are, I sincerely do hope they see the institutional issues. I feel a lot of fellow Leftists forget exactly how many prominent leftists are former cops/soldiers. The easiest way to radicalize someone isn't to convince them of us, it's to show them why the other groups are wrong and the damage it does. You don't jump directly from 1 to 4. For many people that go through those systems, they see firsthand the horrors committed in the name of capitalism and the state. They see it and they hate it and by that point there's nothing they can really do and they're trapped, but you fucking bet they'll come out of that disillusioned. ESP the military. So many kids, especially minority kids, are specifically targeted by drafters and fed propaganda from a vulnerable age where they're trying to figure out how the fuck they're gonna afford to eat or get an education in the future, and I don't think its fair to write off a potential ally, someone who could come around, because when they were 16 they made a deal with literally one of the most powerful and corrupt forces of all time without realizing what they were getting into.

Seriously I know so many people who's entire stance is just "fuck 'em" and they think that's revolutionary, radical praxis that'll change people minds and spread the cause and get people to wake up. No!!! You're cutting them off from leftist resources, from exploring and asking those questions and finding those answers, and just confining them to that same fucking system we're all claiming to be against. Well, if you pushing people away and back into the system, you're not fighting it, you're helping it. A lot of the way online radical pages are structures, the norms within those forums and feeds and magazines etc, are so self-toxic and detrimental to the overall resistance and revolution like... you can't cut everyone off until it your small fanclub in a wooden house and expect a world-changing revolution to occur. You can't.

So yes, all cops are bastards, all soldiers are bastards, but it doesn't mean you don''t stick around and try to change their minds later on, it doesn't mean you just tear up all connections with them. And ofc no one has to stick with someone if they're scared of them, I'm not saying that. Trust me, I hate the police, I hate soliders and the army and everything to do with it, but I will be damned before I seal off my buds and remove what might be the only radical voice they know from their lives, which only further embeds them as a cog in the machine.

like ffs there are 15000 trans people in active service RIGHT NOW, and that's only estimated. There are 130,000 ESTIMATED trans reservists and veterans. More than a fifth of all trans people in the US are military affiliated. I for one am not comfortable condemning a fifth of the trans population from ever radicalizing because they signed a piece of paper as a scared, desperate, hungry teenager. There has to be room to allow people to improve. You have to let people improve. You can;t build a revolution out only people who've held entirely pure lives and never made mistakes, and a lot of online leftists like to act as if that's the way it is, which I find to be absurdly liberal thinking that everyone must adhere to a life-long ideological litmus test spanning birth to death. Let people have a journey of radicalization ffs.