#like. I knew things would get better eventually. I was seventeen and telling myself things would one day be better

[neverendingford]

.

[alexsnerdycorner]

Touchy-Feely

Title: Touchy Feely

Word Count: 3011

Warning: Smut, Swearing, Unprotected sex, a bit of an age gap, talk of attempted incestuous rape (one sentence).  Bisexual Charles and logan. AFAB reader, dirty talk (so sorry for horrible it is), Oral sex, P in V sex, Anal (Male receiving), Praise kink, multiple female orgasms,

Fandom: X-Men movies / Marvel

Pairing: Charles Xavier X Fem!Reader X Logan

Rating: Mature

Summary: This is based on a request I got from my old fandom blog. I’ve rewritten it, added smut, and edited it. The reader (F) has the ability to make people aroused on contact (much like Alisha from Misfits) and to manipulate others emotions, memories, and more. This is post Days of Future Past, but Charles still has hair and ability to use his lower body because it made sense for the story.

A/N: I had a difficult time rewriting this as I had an ex named Chaz, which is short for Charles/Charlie and he graped me. I’ve always loved Charles Xavier and I’m trying not to let the grapist get to me, but sometimes I am unsuccessful. I hate myself for letting things go so far as to “allow” him to do this to me. But I kinda flinch every time I hear his name or variations of it. Also, this is my first time writing a threesome. Please don’t judge it that harshly.

You discovered your powers five years ago when you turned seventeen and went on a date to prom and your boyfriend’s best friend asked for a dance. This led to him trying to drag you to the bathroom to fuck you. That was when you found out that you could make anyone feel aroused just by touching them. Your boyfriend of the time broke up with you because there was no way he’d be seen dating a mutant freak. You knew for sure you were a mutant when your father tried to comfort you that night and wiped the tears from your eyes and tried to undress you. Luckily your mother was home to drag him off.

You were angry, and wished that he knew better. Better yet, you wished that he would try to burn his hand off. A moment later your father turned on the stove and stuck his hand over the burner, catching his hand on fire. That was when you found out you also had the ability to influence people’s actions and thoughts.

After that, your parents sent you away to Charles Xavier’s school for mutants, or, the nicer way to put it, gifted individuals. Charles took you in out of the goodness of his heart, as he would with any other mutant. You never told him of the embarrassing powers of eroticism, only of your ability to manipulate other’s emotions, actions, and memories. Your first week at his school after Bobby Drake pushed past you and accidentally touched your hand, you had to forcibly push him off you. He didn’t know any better so you altered his memory of the situation. But you were still so visibly upset that the professor, who was ten years older than you, tried to comfort you, you stumbled back to avoid his touch. But were unsuccessful, able to tell how aroused he was by the look in his eyes.

You then confided in him about your true powers and afterward made sure that the other students knew not to touch you, claiming you had a power similar to Rogue’s. Charles always took special interest in you and allowed you to stay at the mansion over the holidays and summers when all the other students went home. You grew to like and desire him, but were too scared to say anything because he was your mentor, but suspected he to had feelings for you. Eventually, you had graduated and became a full-fledged member of the X-Men.

While there, another man also took interest in you, Logan. He was a good-looking man with large muscles and claws made of adamantium. You could feel a lapse in his memories and tried to work with him to get them back. All attempts made were unsuccessful.

Today, you had pretty good control over your powers and it was a few days until your twenty-first birthday. Everyone was on vacation for the start of the holidays leaving you, Charles, and Logan alone in the mansion. You woke happy to get some peace and quiet for once instead of having to deal with students and teaching. You spent the whole day reading for your leisure in the library, but not long before dinner time, you went back to your room to change as Charles requested that you join him for dinner. You put on an alarmingly short dress for your taste that hugged all the right curves.

When you arrived in the dining room Charles sat at the table with your favorite meal in front of the two set seats. You wondered why logan wasn’t joining the two of you.

“Logan is out for the night,” Charles said, looking up through his scraggly brown hair. He paused a moment as you tried to hide a frown, “Good evening, Y/N”

“Hi, Charles,” you smiled at him and sat next to him. You made small talk as you ate dinner.

“Oh, Y/N, I have something for you on the kitchen counter. Would you be a doll and go get it.”

“Really?” your eyes glowed with excitement as you stood and walked to the kitchen. On the island counter sat a small cake iced with the words Happy Birthday Y/N and next to it was a small black velvet box with a white ribbon tied neatly around it. Below your breath, you gasped, “What?”

“Open it,” Charles whispered in your mind.

You smiled and shook your head, “Charles, get out of my head.”

You walked back out into the dining room with the box in your hand.

He had a big stupid grin on his face that you just wanted to kiss away, “Just open it.”

You carefully untied the bow and pulled the top back a bit roughly because the hinges on it stuck. You gasped when you saw what was on the inside of the box. With a huge smile, you took the small necklace into your fingers and examined it. It was in the shape of an infinity sign but with hearts on each end. Beautiful red crystals lined the pendant.

“Oh my god, Charles, it is so beautiful!” you looked up at him, “Thank you so much!” you walked over to him, “would you put it on me?”

He smiled, “of course.”

You handed him the necklace and pulled your hair out of the way. He put the necklace over your head and as he clasped it in the back, his fingers ran across the top of your back. He jerked his hands away and cleared his throat, “I’m so sorry, y/n”

You forgot how much you longed for human contact until now. You turned around and shaking your head, you looked him in the eye, “No, it...it felt good.” You could tell it felt good to him too, his face was beet red and he was taking deep breaths, trying to cover up how aroused he was from your powers. “I forgot how nice the human touch could be.”

You could see that he felt embarrassed for touching you, he had the same face as he did in his office that day he first touched you.

“You know, I am an adult. I’m not that young girl whose hand you touched in your office years ago. I’m different. I have more control.”

He smiled, “I know. You have, uh,” he cleared his throat, “definitely changed. In more ways than one.”

Your desire for him grew with every passing second. You could tell his was too.

“Do it again.”

“What?” Charles asked.

“Do it again. Touch me. I want you to touch me. It feels nice.”

“Y/N, I... I don’t want to take advantage of you like that...I-”

“Charles!” You interrupted. He stopped rambling and looked at you. “I like you a lot. I’m old enough to make my own choices. I know you like me too.”

“But, Y/N…”

“Charles, shut up,” you leaned forward and kissed him on the lips.

He put his hand on the back of your head and kissed you back harder. You straddled him in his chair.

Charles broke the kiss, “Logan’s going to be here any minute.”

“I don’t care,” you kissed him hungrily.

“He’s going to walk in on us,” Charles said between kisses.

“Good, let him. Maybe he’ll join us.”

Charles laughed into your lips and pulled your body closer to his, “God, you are so beautiful.”

“So are you,” you rubbed against him, humping his lap. He stood up, pushed his plate across the table, and set you on the dining room table and stood between your legs. You could feel him hard against you as he kissed you back harder, pushing his body against your own and let his hands wander.

“You have no clue how long I’ve waited for this. How much I’ve dreamed of this” Charles said as you trailed kisses down his neck. He let out a soft grunt.

“I do know. Who do you think put those dreams there to begin with” you slid his tweed jacket off him and tossed it onto the floor.

He let out a breathy laugh, “You sly little minx” and smiled into your kiss.

He traveled his hands up the skirt of your dress as you loosened his tie and unbuttoned his dress shirt. You could feel the heat between you and Charles. His tongue danced with yours. His hand slid on the inside of your upper thigh. You let out a soft moan of ecstasy. He grabbed at the hem of your dress and slid it over your head and threw it behind him. In your bra and panties, you slid his shirt off his lean and slightly muscular body as he marveled at the sight of you.

Charles made out with you some more before you moved your hands from his chest to his belt. You fiddled with the belt blindly as you were too enthralled in Charles to look down. As he slid his hand over the small of you back to the hem of your panties, you slid the belt off him, tossed it aside, and went back to his zipper and button.

Charles’ hand was at the clasp of your bra when you heard a deep and growling throat being cleared from the doorway.

“Come on, we eat on that table!” you pulled away from Charles’ lips, a small trail of saliva still hooking your lips together, and leaned your head on his shoulder. You saw Logan leaning on the door frame, trying to overt his eyes. But you saw what was truly in his eyes. Lust.

Charles looked up and saw Logan as well. You felt his hands travel down to button his pants back up, but you stopped him with one hand and announced, “We will take it to the bedroom. Under one condition”

“What’s that?” Logan asked, mostly to humor you.

“Join us,” You hopped off the table and stood in front of him. His throat bobbed as he tried to show restraint. You reach out to touch him, forgetting about your powers for a moment but caught yourself before you make contact. You drop your hand, “Please”

“He wants to, I can hear his thoughts. He wants it bad. Nearly as bad as you want him.” Charles interrupted, trying to make you feel better about almost touching Logan without consent.

“Stay outta my head, Charles,” Logan did not break eye contact with you.

“Is it true?” You whisper.

Logan growled again, but this time it was a different type of growl. It was a growl filled with want and desire. He reached out his hand and grabbed yours, he took your open hand and placed it on his hardening bulge, “Princess, I’ve wanted you from the first moment I laid eyes on you.”

Your lustful smile grew and you kissed him with a hard, deep, passionate kiss, “Then join us in the bedroom”

He swept you off your feet and turned to Charles, “Comin’ handsome?”  

Charles’ eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. And he followed Logan who led them to Charles’ bedroom. Once the door was shut behind the three of you, Logan lightly tossed you onto the bed and gave you one last kiss before taking his shirt off his body in one swoop.

Logan turned to Charles, “What’re ya waiting for? An invitation? The lady wants us naked. I don’t need to be a mind reader to tell you that.”

Charles stood there for a second too long for Logan’s liking so he stalked over to a stammering Charles, kissed him, and started to undo his zipper to his pants. Logan pushed down Charles’ pants and Charles stepped out of them, leaving him in his underwear. Charles closed his eyes and kissed Logan back as Logan backed them both up to where you sat on Charles’ bed. They pulled apart and looked at you. Heat rushed to your face and to your core.

“See something you like?” Charles spoke up while maintaining eye contact with you.

“I see two things,” You sat up in the bed and drew the both of them close to you. First you kissed Charles, then you kissed Logan. Your hands moved down to Logan’s jeans and unbuttoned and unzipped them. Charles took his pants and yanked them down revealing a large growing bulge in Logan’s underwear.

“Charles, I think Logan sees something he likes as well.” You smirked up at the men.

“I see two things,” Logan said. And pulled you so you were sitting on the edge of the bed. He knelt down in front of you and hooked a finger around your panties. While maintaining eye contact with you, he said, “I can smell how wet you are,”

Charles leaned down to kiss you while Logan slid off your panties and tossed them aside. Logan removed your bra with one hand. You took Charles’ boxers and pulled them down and then took his cock into your hand. You started to jerk him off. With your other hand you reached down to Logan’s head which found its way between your legs. His hands were on your thighs and he began licking your clit in a circular motion.

“Oh fuck, Logan,” you swore, lowering your head to Charles’ cock. You took Carles into your mouth and ran your tongue over the head. This elicited a groan from Charles. You moaned against his cock in approval.

Logan continued to suck at your clit as Charles took one of his hands and placed it behind your head to stoke your hair. You saw Logan reach down, remove his boxers, and pump his cock twice before returning one hand to your thigh and the other to your slit. He slowly worked one finger into your dripping cunt. You mewled with Charles’ cock still in your mouth.  You pulled at Logan’s hair as he added another finger. You felt a building tightness in your core.

You took Charles out of your mouth and moaned for both men to hear, “I’m close. I’m so fucking close.”

“Come for him darling,” Charles moaned as you continued to stroke his cock, “Come for him like the good girl I know you are”

With that you let out a loud moan that reverberated throughout the room. Logan added one last finger to your pussy and you came undone, clenching his head between your thighs.

“Oh, fuck, Logan!” You shouted. Logan removed his head from your thighs and looked up at Charles.

“Come down here and taste her on my lips,” he commanded. Charles followed the orders given to him and pulled his cock from your hands to kneel next to Logan. He took Logan’s member into his hands and kissed him on the lips. Logan’s hand rested on your knee while the other held the back of Charles’ head. Still recovering from your first orgasm, you watched for a moment as Charles and Logan made out.

Charles pulled away from Logan and turned to you, “You want a taste?” he asked.

You slowly nodded your head and leaned forward to meet his lips. You tasted your sweet juices on his lips and groaned, “I need you inside me, now.”

Charles looked to Logan.

“Give the princess what she wants, bub.” Logan broke their connection and stood up. Charles followed suit and stared while Logan commanded you go on your knees.

“All yours, Charles,” Logan whispered, “Get on the bed.”

Charles followed the instructions and knelt on the bed behind you. He guided his cock into your still wet cunt and drove all the way into you, causing you gasp. Charles bent over and kissed your back.

Logan moved from his place in front of you to behind Charles, “God, you two are so beautiful.”

While Charles moved in an out of you at an agonizingly slow pace, Logan worked on getting Charles’ ass ready for him. Both men were well endowed and Logan especially had girth to his cock. When Logan’s first finger made its way into Charles’ ass, Charles jumped a bit, not expecting it. But gasped in pleasure when he added a second finger.

“Y/N, You’re so fucking good. You are taking me so well, love.” Charles whimpered.

You moaned as he nipped the back of your neck. He picked up the pace and began slamming into you all the way down to his balls.  You felt the bed sink down behind the two of you and logan was undoubtedly lining himself up at Charles’ entrance. When you didn’t think that Charles could go any deeper, you let out a ragged breath when Logan pushed into Charles which made Charles push further into you.

The three of you moved in unison. You could hear Logan and Charles moan and groan and kiss. You felt yourself approaching climax. The knot in your stomach grew and grew.

“Fuck, Charles, I’m gonna cum,” You sputtered.

“Come for us, princess” Logan ground out.

You felt your walls clenching onto Charles’ cock and you moaned out, “Oh fuck, you feel so good!”

With the next few thrusts into you, you felt the knot burst and you came undone. With a grunt, Charles’ thrusts were becoming erratic and uneven.

“I’m close,” he panted and was next to come. He stayed, pushing his cum further into your pussy and moaning with pleasure. The bed creaked with Logan’s thrusting.

“I’m almost there,” Logan cried out. And with a few more thrusts he came into Charles’ ass with a howl.

Logan pulled out of Charles who then pulled out of you. The two men then situated themselves on the bed so that you were between them. You could feel sleep calling your name.

***

You woke up in the morning lodged between a hairy Logan and a snoring Charles. Neither of your companions were wearing shirts while their lower half remained covered by the sheet. You were wearing nothing but the sheet. You dared not wake them, so you stayed put, staring up at the ceiling with the sun shining in on your face.  

[spiralingmuse]

The Least Fun Type of Binging

Fiona Apple once said, “ Every girl in America has an eating disorder”. Was she being hyperbolic? Maybe, but her general point still stands, we all got the same memo about who’s pretty and exactly how much weight you can put on before men stop seeing you as human. Still the first time someone said I might have an eating disorder I shrugged it off. Sure, I understood my teenage obsession with appearance had spiraled into an ever-present torment but an eating disorder? Nah, I knew what one of those looked like, I’d seen Cassie in Skins, and dated quite a few impossibly skinny girls who were always concerned about their weight and obsessed with maintaining their flat stomachs. Of course I enjoy being skinny but unlike the other wispy ingenues it was never about a number on a scale, we never had one of those at home. No instead…it was always about the feelings that would arise from staring at my shirtless form in the mirror, was I a good girl who had managed not to eat too much? Or had I failed and was now staring at a monster who deserved to starve to death?

Growing up everyone in my family was constantly talking about how lucky I was to stay thin despite my healthy appetite. At first this didn’t bother me, I was too young to fully comprehend their words and my skin was still wrapped in a pre-adolescent hubris. But over time, their comments began to feel like a curse, vowing that time would steal my youth and my skinniness along with it. I began to eye food with suspicion even as I loved to eat. Unchecked negative childhood beliefs become teenage obsessions as my odd relationship with food worsened the older I got. 

In my early teens my semi-absent father had recommended I start doing push ups every day assuring me I’d “look cut up” which the girls would love. I was a fanatic about the push ups for a while, not just because I love getting female validation, but also because staying in shape helped me keep my secret. You see I’d recently learned food could work like drugs. Whenever I was in crisis, I’d ravenously tear through whatever I could get my hands on, feeling an anxious exhilaration instead of whatever pain I was in. The only problem was the next day, if I’d accidentally gone overboard the night before it’d feel like I had rocks in my stomach, which was only a slight discomfort in comparison to the shame that’d overtake me. But most of the time I’d manage to be a good girl and avoid that fate which felt even better than the junk food. But things started to change once I hit seventeen, in the midst of a deep depression and spiraling out over unresolved trauma, I started turning to food more and exercising less…when the weight came I was already so checked out it barely mattered to me that the prophecy spoken over my childhood had come to fruition. My grandfather’s unexpected demise during that era only compounded the pain, now I had grief to eat through as well. But something eventually happened at school which broke me out of my stupor for all the wrong reasons. I was changing after gym class with my “depression gut" on full display, until every moody teen’s worst nightmare happened, a cunty gay boy started staring and pointing at my body. “OH. M. GEEEEE! What happened to you? You put on so much weight you never look like that!” 

My default fawn trauma response dictated I just smile and shrug, but shame and horror had immediately become my two closest companions. I needed to ensure it’d never happen again, so I got back to the push ups, telling myself they were a necessity if I didn’t want to keep looking like the Pillsbury Doughboy’s depressed black cousin. In a few months time I lost the weight and had a new girlfriend to help assuage some of my body insecurities, but 6 years later I can say I’ve never forgotten how exposed I felt in the moment. By the time I graduated high school I knew I had a complicated relationship with food and my appearance, but it took me years to consider it a real problem. Living in what is perhaps the most image conscious time in human history, who wouldn’t be hyper aware of their body?

Early into 2021, while in the throes of yet another depressive episode and the rest of the world was still beset by a pandemic with no clear end in sight, I started Prozac, prompting one of the worst years of my entire life. 37% percent of people report experiencing significant weight gain on Prozac, while only 2% of people experience weight loss…the odds simply weren’t in my favor. As I started putting on weight  I’d eat out of frustration, feeling deeply ashamed of my body afterwards which would only drive me to eat more constantly fueling the self hatred machine. To make matters worse, I never really felt any better on the medication, despite my medical team’s constant assurances. It absolutely sucked, and I fear I would’ve been stuck in that toxic cycle forever if I hadn’t been able to finally start getting treatment at a new facility in 2022 that both drastically updated my regimen of psych meds and got me started on Estrogen. Within the first year I slowly started to become more comfortable in my skin and quickly shed the weight I’d gained, allowing me to feel something other than hatred towards the body I’d put through so much. 

In 2023, it took a therapist telling me I was describing an eating disorder before I fully believed it because I didn’t think I fit the ideal picture…When we hear the term eating disorder, society has programmed us to  think of the girls with Kate Moss dreams, not the ones desperately concerned about how much they’re consuming. We’re told those one’s just need to work on their discipline and go to the gym more, but they aren’t in need of real help of course. This is why it was important to spend so long talking about the shame cycle of binge eating, without mentioning all the restrictive food stuff I fell into in order to try and self soothe or how terrified I’ve become of losing my newly regained skinniness. If we as a society are ever going to have a frank conversation about disordered eating we need to be honest about all the different ways it can show up. It’s also important to acknowledge I’m still just as sick as before, now I just get more compliments. 

[your-queer-dad]

parents and school and everything is getting a hell of a lot more dangerous for me way fast I’m trans in Florida with a fuck ton of disorders I send stuff here to vent a lot never sign my shit so you probably don’t recognize me by my situation or typing cause a lot of people here vent about similar stuff but I said before things are dangerous I don’t have safe spaces or people but there’s this new kid in class and our schools hella bigoted the kids were joking about nazi shit again and this guy was like dude why are y’all so racist and stuff and it was such a shock hearing someone else say somethin when I first went to this school I tired reporting kids and talking to them and explaining etc nothing worked they don’t care teachers are worse then the kids etc and I got rlly nervous about it cause I get assaulted and bullied alot and they all made fun of me and said I was paranoid it’s just jokes I have my head up my ass and I’m like truamadumping by explaining why bigotry is bad not even using my experiences!! so after a couple months I stopped talking but this one new guy just completely called it out in the smoothest way possible and then when everyone tried making excuses he was like nah that’s stupid actually anyway my parents are getting more dangrous and I’m struggling with my health and trying to get them to actually make appointments with the fucking doctors so my medical shit doesn’t catch up to me and mess me up more and I still don’t have a job or drivers license I’m seventeen trying to get hours for the license and trying to get medically ok enough to put effort towards the hours and a job and getting my homework done that a whole thing I’m in so many classes this year and it’s to much work and the classes are at the same time so no matter what I have to miss a lesson etc anyway I’m so stressed everything’s going to shit basically but this one kid is nice lowkey and mentally I’m doing better I used to be a lot worse due to stress but I stop blaming myself and proriize my health and manage to make things slightly better with my routine by fighting for years with my parents and it finally paid off sort of it’s really weird now things are so much more dangerous and I’m the most scared ever but also mentally clear the most I’ve ever been I can actually feel lonely and hungry and thirsty and process the emotions I couldn’t do that before and I’m in less pain generally my plans are paying off years and years of planning and working and just like locking in and trusting my gut no matter what anyone does to me I’m happy I was right I would eventually meet someone who wasn’t racist and I did and even if things are more dangerous now and everything’s gone to shit at school and home I have what I need to really flip shit around I just need to rest and get a little more energy to pull it off

also there’s a whole thing with like my parents putting me in situations wheee they knew I’d get hurt and assaulted then they leave me to it I’ve almost died a lot because of medical neglect I need to be like not put through extreme stress assaults intense sports and getting threatened to get killed and etc but hey that never stopped them new schools new intense extra curriculars with people who hurt me in every kind of way and leave me to die being put in places that work against my mental disorders leaving me to fail and then blaming me when it happens or when I try to get out or talk my way out or go to the bathroom so I can calm down from panic attacks and getting ducking assaulted just to be followed in the bathroom and assaulted there to :/ and when I tell my parents I get hit with the “well high school is hard for everyone” not even a full talk just that sentence then I get ignored again also I’ve also been assaulted by my parents so that’s fun/sarcastic “but it’s ok because it’s just family and just roughhousing and just a joke and no one means anything by it this is just what family family is allowed to get touchy does but don’t tell anyone because you know how people are” it really is the home stretch now everything I’ve worked for is paying off and I have the tools to get what u need to leave and get support I just need to stick it out and figure out the specifics and then actually go do it things feel weird physically and mentally I’m dissociating less so I process more and by body feels all different I feel emotional when people are mean to me and lonely to and there’s so much but also when I hit my limit I can’t tell because it doesn’t hurt like before cause I’m not like fatally fucked over anymore it’s weird

anyway I love you dude you’ve really helped being listened to is hella validating thanks dad 🫂

Hey kiddo, gosh I am so so sorry you have to go through all of that. That's awful and you don't deserve any of that. You don't deserve to be treated like that, by your classmates or your parents. And I wish I could take all that pain away from you. I know it sounds cliche but I promise you things will get better. You're seventeen, you're almost there I promise you please hang on til it gets better. There is hope and you deserve all the hope and happiness in the world. 🫂🫂🫂

- dad x

[licorishh]

I would like to share something a little more serious than what I usually post here.

So for the last two years, ever since I got diagnosed with celiac disease, it's been nothing but a barrage of more and more health issues showing up. I figured out I likely had ADHD and autism, I got diagnosed about eight months ago with hypothyroidism and Hashimoto's, I still don't know what's causing my chronic shoulder pain, for a few months almost everything I was eating was making me sick and I y'know twice in the span of one month, I'm dangerously underweight because I've barely been able to eat anything, and I have tons of food restrictions that make it extremely difficult to find something to eat. I felt miserable.

The last time I was sick was a week ago. I was nauseous two days in a row and was sick the second day. I felt awful, but afterwards the feeling went away, thankfully. The problem was that it suddenly out of nowhere set in a terror of feeling sick, feeling nauseous, and even just eating. The idea of eating scared me. I immediately felt a phobia of it, and Friday I wasn't even feeling bad but I had an episode of my heart racing and feeling really shaky and faint.

While I was feeling that, I knew it was literally just fear. I wasn't actually nauseous at all, but I was sitting there perpetuating a fear of feeling bad, and it was giving me all the symptoms of feeling sick without actually being nauseous. I was making myself feel bad because I was so terrified of feeling bad.

So I sat on the couch in the living room and read Revelation for a while. I eventually asked my mom just to pray for me and to help me get past this fear, because I am not meant to have a spirit of fear. She prayed for me, and then we just started chit-chatting about Revelation and about the Lord and when I tell you I felt so much better.

Since then I've had a couple of times when I started to really freak out just because I felt the slightest twinge, but for the last week I've had a monumental shift in my mindset. The Lord has not given me a spirit of fear, and neither has He given that to you.

I feel like in the last few days I've finally understood what it means to be truly thankful for Jesus and not just for the material things I have in this life. Yes, food, A/C, a roof over my head, electricity, and water are all wonderful things and I'm extremely thankful for them, but now I finally realize how it feels to be thankful for peace and hope and joy and Jesus. I cannot even begin to express to you how unfathomably comforted I have felt these last few days. I'm bout to frickin cry rn yet again dadgumit I've cried like eight times in the last couple days

I've been listening to a lot of Kari Jobe's music cause she has so much good stuff, especially "I Am Not Alone." I absolutely love that one and would highly recommend it if you're feeling lonely or fearful right now.

You probably think I'm overreacting a bit, but I was legitimately terrified. But in spite of that, I've been readjusting my mindset and praying more than I ever have before and just existing with God and I literally can't possibly communicate how comforting it is. There are simply no words. No matter what time of day it is, no matter how bad I feel, no matter how afraid I might be to eat that particular thing for fear of it not sitting well, I really legitimately feel more strongly than I ever have in my entire life that He is with me every single step of the way and He loves and treasures and values me and is holding me in His hand.

I so desperately want every single person on this earth to experience that feeling. It's a feeling you cannot begin to imagine until you've experienced it. The goodness and the kindness and the peace of the Lord is unmatched by anything on this earth.

I know this is way more serious than what I usually post but I just can't not. I have never felt this peaceful or joyful or thankful or hopeful in the seventeen years I've been alive and that is something nothing can ever take away from me. It's my sincerest hope that you will see this and hear it and believe it.

I'm not naturally a very fearful person, so this took me by surprise. I'm not used to feeling terror. It feels dark, hopeless, lonely. But that darkness, that hopelessness, that loneliness, and that fear is nothing in the face of the Lord's goodness. Nothing. I'm telling you.

Please, please, if you are in a dark place right now, I am begging you to take my word for it. If you call out to Him He is there. I've never been more convinced of this in my life because I finally have seen it. I finally stopped saying "Yep, yeah, uh-huh, that's great" and actually did it myself.

That doesn't mean all our struggles and trials automatically vanish. I still slip up and feel scared sometimes, but to be honest with you, feeling emotionally stable and spiritually satisfied is so much more important than feeling nauseous or being wary of eating. The peace and joy and faith and hope I have right now is greater than feeling good physically.

The Lord is so, so, so good. He is so kind, so loving, so comforting, and I so badly want everyone to be able to feel how I feel now.

He sees you in the midst of your struggles. He does. His heart aches for you, He weeps with you, He adores you in ways you cannot begin to imagine. You are His precious child, His beautiful creation, the love of His life.

Please, please believe me.

[attheriskofbeingme]

Clouds and Stars

I’m sorry for being difficult. Sorry that I did that to you, but I want you to understand how hard it was for me. I thought about it almost every day. I’m always planning or thinking about what to do. I really did try my best to survive. I just don’t know where it all went wrong. There were days I barely did anything because I didn’t want to live that day. I sometimes wish I would just stop waking up. I knew my dreams weren't real because I was happy. I’m bad at the things I do, I neglect myself, and I’m forgetful, I know these things because people always tell me that, and I know. I know I’m selfish for what I did. But I thought about it and I think it would be better if I was just gone, you wouldn’t be angry at me anymore and I wouldn't feel so useless. Where do I even start? What can I tell you about me? I grew up pretty lonely and I never realized it until I lost someone important to me then the people in my life started to disappear. For a long time I resented myself for not taking care of Francine, but what could I have done? I wanted to die instead of her. Both my siblings moved out and I felt reality hit me, what was going to happen to me? Where do I fit in their lives? I can’t keep waiting for things to change. I did that for 18 years. I felt really lonely all the time, I met my best friend but he left too at the same time the rest of my family moved away. I felt isolated, but that was partially my fault for not reaching out. But I actually did sometimes, even before they left. though they didn't believe me. They say it's all in my head and I think that's the problem lol. I didn't have people who were emotionally available around me so I barely told anyone because I felt like it was unimportant and I was overacting. Like I'm seeking attention for telling them about what I feel. But those are things that I let happen, I sabotaged myself, and I have no sense of self-preservation. I guess what I’m trying to say is don't blame yourself for what happened, I chose to do this by myself. Hate me, resent me, miss me but please don't cry over me, I already did that lmao. I’m sorry if I come off as weak for this. I don't think I’ve ever been brave enough to stand up to myself. I give in to my impulses pretty easily without thinking, I hurt myself sometimes and it's hard not to, I deserve it for being a bad person. There's one thing I want to ask for if it's not too much, all my things, can you give them to Bean? Maybe she’ll grow up to like the things I liked and my stuff could actually be of use. It’s going to sound weird but I want to thank Seventeen for helping me live a little longer than I anticipated. I never thought I’d get past 17 and for a year I didn’t hurt myself because I felt purpose from them. A lot of times it made me feel pathetic that my happiness relied on people who didn't even know I existed but I always felt happy when they encouraged me to keep going. It feels like I've failed them too in a way because I quit this early. This letter is all over the place lol. I’m sorry about that too. Time will pass and you’ll eventually get to live without me. If when you remember me, listen to your happy song or mine (it's Kidult by Seventeen “Tomorrow, I'll live like a child; Who has grown up a lot” :3) because I’d rather not have you cry. Please be happier than I ever was, smile more than I did, and laugh more. If when you miss me, watch the clouds! I always took pictures because they looked so free. Now that I’m up there I’ll wave down at you every day and I’ll cheer you on. Hopefully, I’m up there lol. I was never religious so I doubt I’ll be in heaven, but I hope I’m in the sky, flying around with no worries. If you’re ever sad, tell me and I’ll listen to all your worries, give them to me instead. I love you and I miss you, please be happy for me :)

[dumpster-fire-deluxe]

The prompt is (thank you @asdeadasasquirrel): A conversation or a scene where Padme thinks she understands Palpatine better afterward but we know differently

Writing a character I've never written before + balancing the inner world of two characters who both have a very different perspective of the situation + incorporating dramatic irony (the reader knows something which the main character doesn't)?

The last time Padmé had been in Palpatine's apartment, it was as a refuge; when she was queen and her mentor a senator. Now, she was the senator, visiting the chancellor of the Galactic Republic.

“How have you been settling in?” Palpatine asked, reclining in his seat, two freshly brewed cups of caf on the side table between them.

“I’m almost done unpacking,” Padmé answered. “I’m waiting for a few more belongings to be shipped over, but I’ve already made myself at home.”

“That’s good to hear. I can tell you from experience that the transition from Naboo to Coruscant can be rather… jarring.”

“I do think I will miss the lakes.”

“What helped me back then, was frequenting some of the parks around here. Of course, it doesn’t compare to the sprawling nature you and I are used to, but it might help ease you into the city.”

“Thank you for the advice. I do think I’ll be taking you up on it.” She picked up her cup.

“Good.” Palpatine took a sip of his own caf. “How are you feeling now that you’ve officially taken on your new position as senator?”

“I'm excited to get to work. Though, I must admit that I'm a little nervous.”

“Understandable, yet unnecessary. There is not one person I would rather have representing our dear homeworld than you. I’m delighted to be working by your side.”

Padmé tried not to blush at the compliment. “I can only hope that I will serve our people as well as you did.”

“You have nothing to worry about. Someone as brave as you to run straight into a battle has enough strength to face a room filled with diplomats.”

“But what if they think I’m too young? I might be inexperienced compared to them.” It was a concern she hadn’t voiced to anyone else. But Palpatine had mentored her for so long. If anyone could advise her, it was him.

He didn’t speak at first and Padmé wondered if he was about to deliver an uncomfortable truth, a confirmation that she wasn’t ready after all. He’d be gentle about it, of course, but it would hurt nonetheless.

“Did I ever tell you about how I ended up in politics?”

Padmé thought about it. It was public knowledge that Palpatine was an orphan from a royal bloodline who had become a rising star in legislation following his family’s demise. It was an inspiring story, but one she didn’t know many details of. “I don’t think so, no.”

He took another sip and set his cup down. “I was seventeen years old when my whole life got turned on its head. At the time, I was at a youth legislative camp. I’m sure you’re familiar with those.”

“I am, yes.”

“My family went on a trip, but during their travel, disaster struck. Pirates. Not a single one of them was spared. When I heard the news, I was devastated.”

“I can’t imagine what that must have been like.”

“Suddenly, I was thrust into a different life." He looked off into the distance, a pained expression on his face. "I was lost and had to rebuild myself from the broken pieces that were left behind. I carried so much anger. Eventually, I learned to pour that rage into something more... productive.”

“Politics?”

He looked back at her, the same determined expression in his eyes that she'd seen many times before. “Precisely. I was still in the legislative program and I noticed that the only thing that made me feel better was to make a difference; to improve society from its very core and give everyone the life they deserve. And it’s that drive that has gotten me to where I am now."

Padmé nodded. She knew that feeling all too well; it's what made her get up every morning.

Palpatine leaned forward and put his hand on her arm. "Your age doesn't matter. What matters, is your passion for what we do here. You have a burning desire to make the galaxy a better place. I have seen it since you were very young, and it’s why I’ve always believed in you. And it’s what will make you among the best politicians the Senate has ever seen.”

Padmé smiled, comforted by his words and the warm encouragement in his eyes. “Thank you. It means a lot to me.”

He sat back. "I am here for you if you ever need anything. Senator Amidala."

The last bit of doubt faded from her mind. She was ready to serve in the Senate. "I'm looking forward to working together."

Palpatine smiled. "So am I."

[htetalks]

I'm Sorry

The history of our friendship kept me tethered to you, and at fourteen, I didn't understand that how you treated me reflected how you felt about yourself. I watched as you took the world by storm, and although you had said I was by your side, the more I grew, the more I realized I had always been ten steps behind you. You didn't deserve what you got, but I didn't deserve what I got either. The more you tried to keep me caged, the more I began to shy away. Finally, as you became an adult at seventeen, I realized that as long as I stayed and let you continue to treat me that way, I could never be happy. So I did the only thing I could do at seventeen, I ran away. I ultimately left you without a word because how could I explain what I didn't completely understand myself. But it's been six years since we talked, and thinking about our friendship is nostalgic. I don't think I hate you; how could I hate someone who will forever be a child in my memories of you? Although I'm braver than I was, sending this now wouldn't benefit either of us; too many years have passed, and perhaps it's my punishment for running away to forever have unsaid words between each other.

Dear ****,

I'm sorry, truly. I should not have left without a word; you didn't deserve that. A decade of friendship should have ended with closure, and for that, I truly apologize. By chance, fate would bring me to your state, and eventually, you would become the first friend I made there. It felt like I was meeting a soulmate; our birthdays were mere days away from each other, and despite you being a year older than me, I felt like you were my twin. We were attached at the hip and I truly felt like I didn't need anyone else, as long as I had you. For a decade, we'd go through all our milestones with each other and nobody knew me better than you. But along the way, our friendship became tainted. Life got the better of us and we both coped in our own ways. I understand that life got complicated for you, but it didn't excuse how you treated me and made me feel. You took out all your frustrations on me and being your friend felt more like a job. You isolated me from my life and made me feel guilty for not being there for you 24/7. At fourteen, I was scared. I endured it because I didn't want to lose my only friend. I was understanding, and I told myself that you were hurting, but after everything, you would heal, and everything would be alright. But three years later, I was in the same situation, and the final dinner we had made me realize everything I had been trying to pretend was temporary was permanent. The more I had allowed you to treat me that way, the more it became embedded, and that's just how it was supposed to be. And if I were to tell the truth, I started to hate you. I hated that I did. I hated you more for making me become someone who hated their best friend. I began to mentally note everything you did to me. Tick. You cursed me out because I didn't answer you right away. Tick. You told me another story about you doing something deplorable. Tick. You made me stay on Facetime with you even though I told you I needed to do homework, and then you got mad at me for not talking to you. Tick. On the last day, tick after tick accumulated exponentially, and as we sat at dinner in silence for about fifteen minutes, I laughed in my head. How childish this all was. I was desperate to just have it all end. Rather than a best friend, it felt like I was at dinner with an abusive partner. I had started to learn to read your facial expressions and your tones, I catered to you to avoid being yelled at, I paid extra attention to every detail of your life because you got mad if I didn't notice a new article of clothing. What was it all for? I had lost all desire to be friends with you. And so, after everything, I just left your life. I stopped responding and interacting with you. And I haven't regretted it since. I don't hate you anymore, the older I get, the more I forgive you. Perhaps you'll never forgive me, but I'm okay with that. I just wanted to write at least once how I felt about you and why I left. The reality was that we were both little girls who were losing control of their lives and we both behaved childishly. Maybe communication could have solved it? Maybe if I had spoken up, you could have changed, we could have still been friends. But none of that really matters because by the time I had realized my mistakes, it was already too late; it didn't matter if you changed because you had hurt me too much; there was too much that had happened for us to really be friends again. I don't think of you often, but sometimes I'll hear your name. I wonder how you're doing and hope you're well. When I get married, I'll remember how I used to think you'd be my maid of honor as a passing thought. But ultimately, despite the last rocky half, thank you for being my friend. We had good moments, and it'd be disingenuous to pretend I didn't have a deep love for you once. I'll choose to remember you for your wild spirit and your tenacity. I'll choose to forgive you for me. And I'll choose to remember you as an old friend.

Sorry

It’s not that I hate you, i just don’t feel like talking to you. I love you but sometimes you get clingy. If i answer your calls, I wouldn’t be able to hang up until you say so. I won’t be able to get anything done if you kept talking to me. You make me feel bad when i don’t listen to you. You got to understand that i have a life too. I understand you have problems and that you want me to be there for you, but how can i help you if you don’t want to help yourself? You send me millions of texts when I’m sleeping and get mad at me when i don’t reply right away. I’m sorry, for not answering your calls but this is why. I’m sorry you think i hate you, i don’t. I just want space.

[edwardskhakipants]

An Apology

Edward apologizes to Charlie for the events of New Moon.

I tapped my fist lightly on the front door. After a grunt, a rustling of papers, and a shuffle, Charlie opened the front door.

"Bella's not ready," he said through a crack in the door and immediately began to shut it.

I stopped the door with my foot. "I'm not here for Bella."

Curious, Charlie opened the door enough to see me, but not enough to let me in.

"Do you mind if we talk?" I asked, feeling more like a seventeen-year-old than I had in a long time.

The expression on Charlie's face made it painfully clear that talking with me was the last thing he wanted to do—mind-reading ability or not.

"I would like to apologize," I clarified.

That did the trick. The door swung open, and he stepped aside and gestured for me to enter.

"You can join me in the kitchen," he suggested, already leading the way. "I just finished brewing a fresh pot of coffee."

My first thought was that it was odd for Charlie to be brewing a fresh pot of coffee at four in the afternoon, but then I recalled his late night at the station. He must have woken up recently. Once in the kitchen, I obediently sat at the table, careful not to take his usual seat, while Charlie trudged to the counter.

"Want some?" he offered, holding up the pot.

"Sure," I shrugged, trying to please him in any way I could.

"How do you take it?"

"Black." It was the way Carlisle always took his fake coffees. He nodded absentmindedly and prepared our mugs.

Charlie did not approve of my relationship with Bella, and for good reason. From his perspective, I upset his daughter enough to get her to flee the state, returned her to him covered in bruises and a broken leg, shattered her beautiful heart into a million pieces, caused her to flee the state once more but this time without a goodbye, and, finally, entered back into her good graces like there had never been a problem in the first place. It wasn't exactly the sort of relationship every father wanted to see their daughter in. Especially when his best friend had a perfectly eligible son who wouldn't add as much chaos and confusion into his simple, happy life.

I always looked at Jacob and Charlie's relationship with envy, resigned with the fact that I would always be the least preferable suitor for Bella. In some ways, I even agreed with Charlie's assessment of me: an unreliable punk kid, a danger to his daughter's life, a mistake he couldn't wait for her to grow out of. Her father's obvious preference was one of the main reasons I thought Bella would want to leave me for Jacob.

But I knew better now. I wasn't going to lay down and accept the version of myself that Charlie saw anymore. I may not be the best thing for Bella, but neither was Jacob. No one would ever be the perfect person for her. But I was the one who was going to work every day to be better for her. And today, I was going to earn her father's forgiveness and—possibly—his approval.

Setting both mugs on the table, Charlie sat across from me. He looked at me expectantly, waiting for the apology I promised at the door. He was still in the dark about the events that happened in September, and it was my intention to shed some light on the situation. I couldn't tell him the actual truth, of course, but I was going to use carefully chosen lies that would allow me to skirt around the truth but show the feeling behind the decision.

I stared into the coffee cup as I spoke. "I want to apologize for my terrible decision last September and all the consequences that followed."

"Okay."

"If you would allow me to, I would like to explain my side of the story. I don't mean to use it as an excuse, I just need you to understand how much I care for your daughter, Sir."

It took a few sips of coffee, but Charlie eventually said, "Go on."

I began with the lie. "Last year, I discovered that my parents had not died in a car accident like I was led to believe. They just didn't want me. And I allowed that knowledge to destroy me, Sir. It left me feeling abominable... unlovable... It left me feeling like a monster."

I let that word hang in the air while I pretended to take a sip from my mug.

Now, for the truth. "The summer I spent with your daughter was the happiest I felt in all of my life, but I still allowed those feelings to seep into the heart of our relationship and taint it. As happy as I was to be with Bella, it also terrified me how quickly she was falling for me, because I didn't think she should. Because Bella deserves more than a monster like me."

I didn't look up as Charlie carefully set his trembling coffee cup on the table.

"So, when Carlisle got that job offer in California, I asked him to take it. All on my own, I decided that Bella was better off without me and removed myself from her life. I thought a clean break would be best for her, which was why I told her the news as late as I could and cut off all communication." The shaking in my voice was not part of the act. "She was supposed to hate me, Sir; she was never supposed to suffer."

"She did suffer," Charlie coolly reminded me, "She suffered a lot."

I ran both hands through my hair. "God, I know. I am so sorry."

Charlie didn't offer any sympathy, and I didn't expect him to.

"It doesn't mean anything, but I took our separation just as hard as she did. I spent every second of every day missing her. The only thing that kept me from contacting her was my own delusion that she was happier without me."

I finally looked up from my mug and met Charlie's stern expression. "Please, please understand, Sir, that I did what I did because I love your daughter with my entire soul. I stupidly underestimated her ability to love me back. And for that, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt her. I'm sorry you had to watch her suffer. I'm sorry for all the things she did in my absence. I'm so sorry."

We sat quietly for a few moments—the only sound in the room was Charlie's fingers as he nervously tapped a disjointed rhythm on his mug. Though I couldn't get exact details, I could tell that he was thinking of Bella, and thinking of honesty, and I figured he was trying to figure out whether he could believe me.

As best as he could with his faulty human mind, he recalled a few memories of Bella and me without his distaste for me coloring the image red. My small, gentlemanly gestures—opening her door, carrying her bags—my willingness to help her with her chores, my constant praise and adoration for her. He thought about how happy she was when we were together.

Then, he began comparing Bella's smiles from she spent with Jacob when he thought she was finally over me, to her smiles when I had returned. Even through his fuzzy memories, I could see the hollowness in her expression—the pain that still lingered in her eyes—when she smiled and laughed with Jacob.

Charlie huffed. "I don't know why, but Bella needs you. Jake might have been able to stick a band-aid on her. But you? You cleaned the wound until there was no scar left."

"I need her, too."

Charlie took a long drink from his coffee mug then stared me dead in the eye. "Despite all the bullshit her mother put her through, Bella loved that woman with a fierceness she never deserved. Every mistake Renee made, Bella would overlook for the sake of love. I do not want Bella to repeat that pattern with her husband."

I shook my head, earnestly, "She won't. I will never do anything to hurt her again. She will be my first priority, forever. I swear."

I wished I could hear his exact thoughts on my nonreaction to the word husband, but all I got was a vague sense of comfort, a grunt, and the spoken words, "Damn right."

[blu-joons]

When Their Family Loves You ~ Seventeen Reaction

S.Coups:

His smile grew as he walked through the front door and saw your eyes turn back to greet him, noticing his awkwardness. “You’re going to hate me,” he frowned, “but my parents have invited us round for dinner tonight.”

As your eyebrows knitted together, his heart sunk. “I thought we were going to go to that new restaurant in the city?”

“I know,” he whispered, “but they were so desperate to see you again, I just couldn’t say no to them. They really like having you around Y/N, as often as they possibly can.”

“It’s alright, I understand,” you assured him.

He reached across to take a hold of your hand, “I promise that we can go to the restaurant tomorrow, I really appreciate you making the effort for them.”

“If your parents like me, I have to make sure I keep it that way,” you smirked, “dinner can wait for another night, but your family definitely can’t.”

“You’re the best,” he smiled, “thank you for being so understanding for me.”

“It’s fine, I love time with your parents too.”

Jeonghan:

As his grandmother walked through the house ready to greet the two of you, Jeonghan opened up his arms ready to greet her, only for her to walk straight through to you. “Is your grandson invisible?” He questioned her.

She glanced back at him as she pulled away from you, “it’s just been a while since I had the chance o see Y/N, that’s all.”

“I’m your grandson,” he reminded her, throwing his arms around her fragile frame, “I better not be second best to Y/N otherwise I might have to break up with her.”

“Don’t you even think about it,” she scolded.

Your smile grew at how quick she was to leap to your defence, “are you really going to throw a tantrum about the fact that your grandmother hugged me first?”

“I’m always the one that she hugs first,” he tried to protest, although the two of you barely paid attention to what he said. “Would you prefer me to?”

“Don’t be silly,” she laughed, “you should be pleased that I adore Y/N so much.”

“Not when she becomes your favourite I shouldn’t.”

Joshua:

You knew from the second you met Joshua’s grandfather especially that he was going to keep a close eye on you and take you under his wing. “Does Joshua take good care of you; I hope that I raised him right?” He asked you.

Your head nodded instantly, smiling across at him, “you raised him perfectly, he takes very good care of me, I promise.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” his father grandfather cheered, glancing between the two of you, “but you know if he ever steps out of line, you come straight to me and I’ll sort him out.”

“I don’t think I need to worry about that,” you laughed.

His eyebrows raised quizzically back across at you, “I know what this kid can be like, he’ll act all innocent, but I watched him grow up don’t forget.”

“Don’t make me sound bad,” Joshua whined, pleading across to his grandfather, “the last thing I need is for you to scare her off.”

“Am I scaring you off?” He asked you, “please do say if I am.”

“Not at all, it’s nice to know I can turn to you.”

Jun:

The time of the week when Junhui called his family was always the most important to him, hanging onto their every word. “I don’t suppose Y/N is there, is she?” His mother suddenly asked midway through their conversation.

Junhui stared back at her on the screen in disbelief, “you’re supposed to be talking to me right now, Y/N’s in the other room.”

“Please,” she cooed, “I just want to see how she’s getting on. I’m still talking to you, it would just be nice to check in with Y/N as well, see how you’re doing as a couple.”

“You’re just digging a bigger hole,” Junhui called out.

As he walked into your office, you were surprised to see him stood in the doorway, telling you what was going on. “Are you sure she wants to see me?”

“She’s practically begging me to come and get you,” he huffed, “either she really hates talking to me, or she loves talking to you.”

“I hope it’s the first,” you teased, “I guess I’ve got five minutes to spare.”

“You’re a lifesaver, thank you for doing this.”

Hoshi:

When the mention of a family photo came, you quickly stood to one side, offering to take the camera and the photo of Soonyoung and his family. “No way,” a voice called out from the back, “Y/N, you are part of our family too.”

Your head shook as Soonyoung stared across at you, “I’m alright just taking the photo, I’m not really family just yet.”

“Yes, you are,” his uncle called out, stepping out from the family, “now, come on, we can’t take a photo without the whole family. Stand by Soonyoung and he’ll show you the way.”

“As long as you’re sure,” you timidly responded to him.

Soonyoung held his hand out to pull you into his side, “now do you believe me when I tell you that my family see you as one of our own?”

“I do,” you shyly laughed, “I never imagined that they’d be so quick to jump in and make me feel so welcome in your family though.”

“They adore you,” Soonyoung smiled, “which makes me adore you so much more too.”

“I’m just relieved they all like me too.”

Wonwoo:

As soon as he walked through the front door of his parent’s home alone, he could feel the stares of several members of his family darting across to him. “Is Y/N not coming?” His aunt called out in disappointment.

Wonwoo looked across the room at her, “she had something come up, so she wasn’t able to make dinner this time around.”

“The poor thing,” his other aunt added, sharing her sympathies. “I was really looking forward to catching up with her again tonight, you’ve found yourself someone great in Y/N too.”

“You can still catch up with me,” he tried to remind them.

Both of them nodded at his suggestion, “and we will catch up with you, don’t worry, but it would be nice to see the two of you, not just one of you.”

“Sometimes I really do feel as if I’m second best to Y/N,” he laughed as he walked further into the room, “do all of you wish that Y/N was here?”

“It would’ve been nice,” his mum smiled, “but we’re grateful to see you at least.”

“Grateful? I guess that does the job.”

Woozi:

Your attention was caught as soon as you walked through the front door by a delicious smell that came from the kitchen. “Hi,” Jihoon smiled as he spotted you walking through to see what was going on in the kitchen.

You peered past his shoulder to see what he was doing, “something must be seriously wrong for you to be baking here.”

“Blame my parents,” he smirked, “you shouldn’t have enjoyed my mother’s dessert so much because she’s sent me the recipe so that I can make it myself, just for you.”

“Well, that was really kind of her,” you noted.

Jihoon’s head shook in rejection to your comment, “she knows that I can’t bake, there’s no way that I can make it as well as she did for you.”

“Can I help you then?” You asked, reaching past him to place one of the aprons around your neck, “together we can replicate it, can’t we?”

“I’m supposed to do this by myself,” he sighed, “she’ll just tell me that I failed.”

“She doesn’t have to know we made it together, does she?”

DK:

You could tell that something was wrong as Seokmin pulled you to one side at the family dinner, letting go of a heavy sigh. “What’s going on?” You quizzed as soon as the two of you had found some space with no one else around.

He frowned across at you, rolling his eyes at himself. “I just feel like everyone is ignoring me and talking to you a lot.”

“That’s not true,” you assured him, “they’re just making the effort to get to know me, I’m sure that they’re not intentionally ignoring you, they’re your family Seokmin.”

“Which is why they should be talking to me,” he grumbled.

You reached forwards and took a hold of his hand, “you’re overthinking all of this, they’re doing nothing wrong, and neither are you, it’s all fine.”

“I know I probably sound stupid,” he admitted in a quiet tone, “I guess I just didn’t think they’d get on with you as well as they do.”

“Is it a good thing?” You asked, “that they get on with me so well.”

“Of course, it makes me very happy to see.”

Mingyu:

He’d heard murmurs of your name around the table for most of the night as he attended his usual family dinner. “Where is she?” His mother asked once he eventually asked why you were such a hot topic for the evening.

He frowned back across at her, “she wasn’t able to make it, I didn’t realise it would be such a big deal for you all.”

“We like her,” his mother defended, trying to keep Mingyu calm, “we like seeing the two of you together, it’s been a while if I’m honest since I last saw you alone.”

“I know that you’re all big fans of her,” he frowned.

Several heads around the table nodded, “you’ve done well for yourself Mingyu, you should be pleased that we’ve all taken such a liking to Y/N.”

“I am glad you all like her, but you all seem more disappointed that she’s not here than excited that I am her,” he informed them all.

“Don’t be silly,” his mum laughed, “we’re all thrilled to see you.”

“It’s about time you told your faces that.”

The8:

Minghao was unable to hide his smile as he passed you the card that had come through the front door a few moments prior. “What is it?” You questioned, unfolding the card to see that it was a wedding invitation.

He sat down beside you, “my cousin has invited us both to her wedding and written your name in massive letters too.”

“She must really want me to come,” you joked, “I have to admit your cousin was one of my favourites when I met them all. It means a lot that my name is even on the invite.”

“My family adore you; they want you to go,” he hummed.

You closed the invite back up, turning to face him with a smile. “Well, I can’t be letting them down, if you want me to go with you that is.”

“Absolutely, my family would kill me if I showed up to the wedding without you anyway,” he laughed, “I should probably send the RSVP.”

“I’m meeting her tomorrow,” you replied, “I’ll give it to her then.”

“I swear you see my family more than me sometimes.”

Seungkwan:

As you unwrapped the present that his parents had bought you for your birthday, you couldn’t help but stare down at it speechless. “It’s better than what I’ve got,” Seungkwan sighed as you lifted the jewellery from the box.

Your head shook. “That’s not true, I love what you bought me,” you quickly tried to assure him, “both presents are great.”

“They’ve never even spent that much on me for my birthday before,” he sighed, “my parents really must like you to spoil you as much as they have done.”

“Am I sensing a bit of jealousy in you?” You asked him.

His head shook, trying to keep himself together, “I just feel like my parents have even outdone me, I’m your boyfriend, I should buy you the best presents.”

“None of the presents matter to me,” you promised to him, “what matters to me is that I get to spend my birthday with you, and not the things you’ve bought.”

“You don’t have to make me feel any better,” he smiled, “I understand.”

“I’m being honest, I promise you, don’t stress.”

Vernon:

As you walked into his parent’s house, you were surprised when you saw a huge photo of you and Vernon up on the wall. “It’s big,” you whispered, taken aback by the large canvas you had no idea to expect.

“You’re not wrong,” Vernon whispered, equally confused as you were by the large print that was hung for all to see.

“You’ve seen it then,” his mother smiled, wondering where the two of you had gotten to, “what do you think? I just had to get the photo framed, it’s such a lovely one.”

“I’m sure all the visitors will definitely see it,” Vernon frowned.

His mother’s smile continued to grow beside the two of you, “I just wanted everyone to see how in love our son is and how great Y/N is too.”

“No one is able to miss when they walk into the house,” Vernon sighed, struggling to take it all in, “it really sends out a clear message.”

“That’s what I wanted,” she cheered, “people can see how happy the two of you are.”

“They’ll definitely be able to see that by the size of it.”

Dino:

When his father pulled him to one side, Chan knew he was in trouble, but he never quite imagined the trouble that it would be. “Your mother is gutted that Y/N couldn’t make it tonight,” he sternly told his son.

Chan could only shrug back at him, “I’m not really sure what you want me to do about that, Y/N’s just been busy.”

“She thinks you’ve fallen out,” his dad sighed, “maybe just go back in there and give her a bit of reassurance that things between you and Y/N are alright.”

“But they are, she doesn’t need assuring,” Chan groaned.

His father sighed, tapping his hand against Chan’s shoulder. “You know what she can be like sometimes, just humour me and calm her nerves.”

“Even if anything had happened between Y/N and I, it would be none of her business,” Chan fumed, turning back to walk into the living room.

“She loves her,” his father whispered, “it would break her heart if you separated.”

“It’s a good job that we’re not separating then.”

---

Masterlist

[flareish]

Anxiety

kuroo x reader

summary: you hide your anxiety from basically everyone including your boyfriend, until he finds out for himself

genre: hurt/comfort

warnings: Emetophobia Warning! description of nausea/vomit, anxiety, bit of angst but ends in fluff

word count: 2.0k

a/n: I tried to make this as close to my anxiety since I hadn’t known anyone with my kind of anxiety(symptom wise) until I was seventeen, which was a good ways into when I realized I had anxiety. So here is some nausea anxiety representation!

masterlist

You tap your fingers in a mindless rhythm. Alternating the fingers and repeating them back and forth, trying to make it a game, a challenge. You did this over and over again to distract yourself from that all too familiar sinking feeling. That feeling like your stomach has managed to twist and knot itself a million times. Each bump of the bus made acid crawl up your throat. You crunched a mint in your mouth hoping the peppermint would soothe some of the nausea. It didn’t, but the thought was there. You just will yourself not to throw up on the bus, anything but that. The thought in itself makes you even more nervous, and in turn even sicker.

You don’t even know why you are anxious. Today is Kuroo’s big game, but it isn’t yours. You’ve been to a hundred of his games before but never before did you feel like this. Normally you get cute little butterflies, not an angry swarm of bees. The worst part is, there is Kuroo sat next to you happy as can be, completely oblivious. He keeps trying to drag you into conversations but you fear if you open your mouth for too long, all that will come up is vomit. So you keep your mouth firmly closed only smiling tightly or shaking your head at his prompts.

It's not exactly his fault though. He doesn’t actually know you have anxiety. It’s not something you really like to talk about. You are all for promoting the acceptance of mental health but you just find every time you tell someone the dynamic changes. Either they flat out don’t believe you since you “don’t seem like the type with anxiety”. Well duh, I don’t have social anxiety, I have situational anxiety. Like here in this situation. That or they suddenly treat me like I am incapable of handling myself. That whenever a slightly stressful event comes up, I am going to melt into a puddle of pure anxiety. Sorry but I’ve made it this far, I may have to throw up a few times on the way but I am still making it. 

So you just haven’t told Kuroo. You're just nervous that it will change the dynamic. You also don’t want to steal his spotlight. Today is supposed to be all about him. It's his big game. To suddenly speak up and tell him that his game is giving you anxiety would be selfish. So like you always have, you put a brave face on and face it head-on.

“Hey, are you okay?” Kuroo asks you, now facing you, “You look a little pale.”

“Hmm?,” You also turn to look at him, “Oh I am just a bit tired that’s all. I will be fine in an hour or so.” You hope at least. He nods relieved it's not something worse. 

You finally pull into the stadium and everyone is pushing their way off the bus. Luckily Kuroo is right by you to make sure you don't get accidentally pushed down the bus stairs and trampled. The team makes it’s to the bulletin board where they are given their matchups. Nekoma is paired with a pretty hard team. Suddenly, out of nowhere, you dry heave. You knew at the point you were going to throw up and within the next few minutes. 

“Hey I think I left something in the bus I’ll be right back.” You say to Kuroo before dashing off. He goes to reply but you are already gone. 

You make it around the back of the building before you throw up. At this point you’re kinda out of it, your mind is occupied on emptying your already empty stomach. Then you feel someone pull your hair back and gently rub your back. You don’t even have to look up to know it’s Kuroo. When you finish he hands you his water bottle.  You waterfall it and rinse your mouth out of that acidic taste. 

“What’s going on are you okay?” Kuroo asks full of concern. You hesitate for a moment, thinking of telling the truth. Then you remember this is supposed to be his day. 

“Sorry I must have caught a stomach bug.” He doesn’t completely buy it so you quickly add to it.

“I didn't feel great on the bus but I just thought it was because I was tired.” You feel bad lying, “I also don’t want to distract you before your game.” At that Kuroo quickly pulls you into a hug, “Your not a distraction, I just want to make sure you’re okay.” Your cheek is pressed against his chest and your hands grip the front of his shirt. 

“We should probably head back.” You mumble.

“Yeah.” He leans down to kiss you but you duck away. He looks incredibly offended and hurt at this.

“Dude I just threw up I don’t know if you want to do that.” 

“…Point.”

The two of you head back inside to the team, you feeling much better after throwing up. Before you know it, the competition has begun and Nekoma has won. You run down and celebrate with the team and it’s a happy day.

On the bus ride home Kuroo has a strange energy about him. Not like he’s mad more just like he’s just realized something. You nudge him and smile hoping to break him out of his little funk. He immediately smiles back and goes back to celebrating with the team. His reaction was almost like putting a mask on. You watch him for a moment before slipping into a conversation of your own.

When you make it back to school you go your separate ways. Him going to shower, and you to get home before it gets too late. A big hug before pushing away. You still refusing to kiss him after throwing up earlier in the day. 

You are laying on your bed, exhausted. Anxiety really takes a toll on your energy. Your thoughts are broken when your phone chimes with a text.  Leaning over to grab your phone off your bedside table you see it is from Kuroo. 

“Can you come over? I want to talk.”

No cute pet names. No slowly easing into it. Actually using proper grammar. Nothing in that message was a good sign. Just “I want to talk” was enough to make the acid begin to crawl again. You knew it had to be about today. Especially after you saw him zoning out on the bus. It had to be your anxiety episode. You knew he wouldn’t be happy you lied but going to this extent. Like he just found out you have anxiety and this is what he hits you with? The world’s most nerve-wracking text message. The only worse place than this would be “we need to talk”. That’s when you have really screwed up. So maybe you’ve only minorly screwed up since he said want not need. Does that mean you have the choice to say no? That was kind of tempting but you knew you would be tossing and turning all night thinking about what might be wrong. 

“Okay.” You reply to the text. Short and sweet. Putting on some shoes and grabbing a hoodie, you quietly slip out of your house. Kuroo’s house wasn’t too far but it was far enough. Enough to continue to stir in your intrusive and unstoppable thoughts. You eventually make it to his house and head in going straight for his room. Before you reach the door you hesitate and gather yourself. Preparing for whatever was about to come. 

When you go in you find Kuroo sat on the floor of his bedroom, back pressed against the bed. He jerkily looks up and you and gives you a tight smile. None of this is giving good signs. Something is very heavy on his mind. You sit down across from him, your back against the wall your feet almost touching. 

“So what was it you wanting to talk about.” You break the silence. He doesn’t respond for a moment. Just as you are about to try again he speaks up.

“Do you still love me?” Your face drops into confusion.

“Why wouldn’t I love you anymore?” You ask, suddenly realizing this wasn’t the conversation you were prepping yourself for. 

“You’ve been distant lately. You don’t tell me things like when you don’t feel good. I thought about it when I got home and I was wondering if you weren’t actually sick but just making the excuse because you got caught.” He’s very serious at the moment and his words hold a cold edge. 

“What do you mean get caught?” You match his tone. You weren’t planning on fighting but something about how he said it just set something off in you.

“You didn’t want to be there. Ever since this morning you were quiet and reserved. Even after the game, you wouldn’t even kiss me-”

“Yeah, cause I threw up! And how could I be faking it when I literally threw up.” You snap.

“You’ve been like this before though! Like last year’s big tournament you would barely talk to me.”

“That’s not true!” Although it kind of was just not the reason he thought.

“Oh yeah? What about at training camp you wouldn’t talk to me then either, you didn’t even eat with us you just sat on your own.” He threw back.

“Yeah, cause I have anxiety!” The words left your mouth before you knew it. Kuroo looked taken back.

“What?” His brow furrows, “Since when?” He’s not sure what to believe. You’re not surprised since you have worked very hard to hide it from everyone, accidentally sabotaging your own relationship without even knowing it. 

“Since forever. I just never told anyone.” You quietly say, ducking your head down.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” You didn’t even need to look up to see the hurt on his face, it was apparent in his voice. You start playing with your finger, tapping them in rhythms.

“I wanted to,” You mumble, “But whenever I do stuff changes and I didn’t want anything to change.” He shifts forward and you think he’s going to leave. Instead, he grabs your hands, stopping the pattern you had going. You look up.

“Did you think I would judge you?” He was staring straight into you, willing the truth to come out.

“Whenever I tell people they either don’t believe me and brush it off or treat me like I’m incapable of handling any amount of stress. I’ve never seen anyone react any differently so I was scared you would fall into one of those reactions and I didn’t know how I could handle that. I didn’t want my anxiety to be the thing to tear us apart. But I guess it still was.” By the end of your speech, your gaze has returned back to the floor, unable to hold eye contact for that long with him staring at you so strongly. You hear him sigh then you are pulled forward and into his arms. 

“I want to be your pillar of support. I want to be that third reaction that is one of acceptance, one that doesn’t drive you crazy.” He strokes your hair soothingly, his words making you tear up, “When you are ready I want you to tell me everything. From when you first noticed it, to where it is now, to how you deal with it, everything.” By now you are fully crying, absolutely collapsed into his chest. “I love you so much.” It gets muffled in his shirt but he hears it.

“I know, and I love you.”

It would take some time for Kuroo to get used to this change but slowly but surely he will be different from the rest and he will support you no matter what. Although he also respects your strength and knows you can handle your anxiety on your own, he is always there when you need it. He becomes the third unexpected and unheard-of reaction; acceptance.

[cedricslover]

Future

Pairings: Sirius x Remus & George Weasley x Fem! Reader

Warnings: vomiting 

A/N: this is a sequel of the this oneshot. Requested by @georgeweasleydumbhoe. I didn’t really proofread this so if there are any grammatical errors I’m sorry everyone.

Word Count: 2.2k

“Hello” you kissed George on the cheek and you sat beside him, it must have been two years and a half since you two saw Hogwarts. You handed him a bar of chocolate that he just accepted, he was used to this, you were just like your father, chocolate was your life. 

You two just sat in the fountain in silence, you were at the Clocktower Courtyard, it was just a spur of the moment decision for you to visit Hogwarts. As you bit your chocolate you felt your left hand being slowly picked up by George, and when you felt a cold thing enveloping your ring finger your gaze went there. You gasped when you saw a ring was placed on your finger. 

“Do you think you should ask first? That’s how proposing works?” you laughed at George while he just shrugged. “I don’t like that. Besides, you’re technically the one who asked me to marry you” he offered his hand and you two stood up. 

“I don’t think so” your eyebrows furrowed trying to remember what he was pertaining to, he grabs your waist that made you bump into him. “I think you forgot when I officially met your parents you asked me if we would be like them, therefore you wanted me to marry you sweetheart” he grinned at your face that went from confused to ‘oh I suddenly remembered’

“Yeah, I was just seventeen that time” you rolled your eyes at him ‘I told you so’ face. “But you loved me so much that you thought of us marrying each other” he cups your face, you closed your eyes waiting for a kiss but seconds after, there was nothing. 

“I’m Fred” he said that made you open your eyes, lines forming on your forehead, he wants to play this game huh?

“Oh yeah totally forgot. Just please don’t tell George hmm?” you looked concerned, trying to be in character even after his face went pale. 

“Fred?” You snapped your fingers, “You won’t tell George about us, right?” Now, you gave him a soft smile while his lips twitched and his face was tight. Maybe he was thinking of how to confront Fred, or how to kill him, he was starting to plot whatever he wanted to do with his twin brother.

“No, I'm just joking. I love you” you gave him a lopsided grin and removed his arms that wrapped your waist, you ran as fast as you could to get away from Hogwarts ground so you could disapparate. 

You looked back and George seemed to be catching up and was also running, trying to stop you. Your hair blew because of the wind and your laugh was the only thing you could hear. 

“Oi!” George was almost catching up, but luckily you arrived at your destination. You turned to him and saw he was a few feet away from you, “Bye-bye Georgie! See you when I see you” you waved, blew a kiss, and winked before disapparating, leaving his panting face behind. 

“Y/N!” you jumped as soon as you apparate in front of your house at Grimmauld Place, you looked back and saw Sirius with his eyes wide open, his wand was out that made you look around. 

“I thought you were someone!” he added when he finally breathed fine. You just laughed and was about to give him a hug when someone apparated in front of the both of you. Sirius immediately pulled you to his back and he drew his wand again. 

“Where do you think you’re going, young man?” Sirius shouted at George who was about to knock on the door of your house, he wasn’t aware that you and Sirius were just behind him. George instantly turned around and mischievously smiled when he saw Sirius. 

“How are you pops” he hugs Sirius while you look at him like he just did something unbelievable. “What the fuck?” you mouthed to him as he was embracing your father. His smile was still there and he showed his left hand, gesturing the ring on your finger. “Goodie points” he mouthed back to you. 

“I’m doing good son, how ‘bout you?” Sirius talked with his amused voice after they broke their hug. “Been a long time since I saw you” he added and opened the door. George winked at you before he followed Sirius, leaving you there dumbfounded. 

‘Yeah, I just got engaged? Me?’ 

You shake your head and entered the house too. 

“Hey dad” you saw your other dad, Remus, sitting on the couch. “Hello princess. How was your day?” he puts down the book that he was reading, ‘Good. Just got engaged to the love of my life, nothing interesting’ the voice in the back of your head talked. “Just the usual. Well, we did visit Hogwarts earlier.” you kissed his cheek and sat beside him. 

“Are you tired?” he asks as you leaned your head to his shoulder and closed your eyes. “Yeah” you nodded. You two just sat there, in peace, well not really as you two heard the loud laughs of Sirius and George. They weren’t in the living room and you bet they were at the kitchen, drinking that fine wine Sirius has. 

You felt Remus’ hand shift as he opens his book again. Maybe it was for 10 minutes, you just relaxed on the shoulder of your father, not until he begins to notice. 

“Princess?” he softly called you, seeing if you were asleep or not. You hummed as a response. Now feeling a little sleepy. “Is that an engagement ring I see?” he muttered that made your eyes shot open, the sleepiness you felt a second ago? Gone. The relaxation you felt earlier? Gone. 

Your breath hitched and you sat straight. “Uhm” your eyes cannot even focus in a certain direction. 

Your dad chuckled when he realized that you were nervous. “You two have been dating for what now? Four years? It’s not a shock for him to ask for your hand in marriage. Although I would be really sad because you will eventually leave us” he smiles at you, that smile that states that he is happy for you and he wants you to know that you would always be their little girl, no matter how old you are. 

“Dad…” you pouted and hugged him, “Congratulations daughter” he whispered. 

While you had that heartfelt conversation with your other dad, little did you know George was wooing your other dad, Sirius. And well after a little while of “You better take care of her” “Are you financially stable?” “Do you love her unconditionally” “I’m going to kill you myself if she cries because of you, remember that time I almost did when you two had a huge argument?” and many more. He eventually said congratulations and gave George permission to marry you. 

--------------

“Merlin” you breathed in and out, you were about to walk the aisle, a garden wedding, just like how you dreamt. It was perfect. But you can’t understand why were you nervous, it’s not like George is going to run away because he realized you were the wrong woman she wanted to spend a lifetime. 

“Angel, you okay?” Sirius taps your arm that was linked to him. “Yeah, just a lil bit nervous” you inhaled deeply before you smiled nervously at your father. 

“Don’t we all experience wedding jitters” he said and slightly laugh as he reminisced his wedding day. 

“Sirius, you’re not helping” Remus butted in, his arm was also linked to your other arm. You were at their middle, “Yeah dad, you’re really not” you both looked at him. He just shrugged and acted to zip his mouth. 

“It’s going to be fine Y/N.” Remus assures you one last time before your cue to walk. 

And there you felt blissful, everything was perfect. As you saw your future husband, standing beside his twin brother, both of them teary-eyed that made you almost laughed, you saw the end and another beginning. An end for individuality and the begging of a life together with him, the guy that made you laugh even at the darkest days, the guy that stayed with you, loved you, took care of you. The guy you are going to spend your forever with. 

 ------------------

“Shit” you groaned before you threw up again, this was the second day that instead of having a peaceful morning, you were greeted by your own vomit and the toilet. 

“We should take you to the hospital” George declared as he was woken up by your swearing and throwing up, you glanced at him, he was at the doorstep of the bathroom, just wearing a pajama, nothing on his upper body, and if you were just feeling well you might have drooled and ask him for a little breakfast in bed and he is the breakfast. 

You didn’t want to go to the hospital, but you knew this isn’t a normal thing, and you’re afraid that you might be sick, but you shouldn’t just ignore it. 

“Yeah, I’ll just get ready” you replied and washed your face, “You’re fine, it just might be some little nausea” George’s voice went soft as he walked up to you and hugged you from the back. 

“But what if it’s not? You know I’ve been feeling sick the whole week and-” you failed to finish what you were saying when you felt another round of vomiting. 

“What the bloody hell was that smell? Did you bought a new perfume?” you flushed your vomit and headed to the sink again where George was leaning to. 

“What? Move” you raised an eyebrow to his stupid face who was now smiling, he moves a little to give you space. “Go away George, you smell bad” you told him as you were brushing your teeth. 

“Love, what day it is?” he asks you once you finished brushing your teeth. “I don’t know, check the calendar” you said and went out of the bathroom while he followed you. 

“It’s 25” he told you as you were choosing what you would wear. “Okay” you replied and shuffled the jumpers. “Love, it’s 25” he repeated it, now he was looking at you, “And? What about 25? I don’t remember the month being December” you turned to him and now your hand was on your hip. 

“You’re late” he says it like it was something you should know-well it really should be. Your eyes went wide as you slowly registered, you were so busy that you forgot your own period. 

You were about to ask him that what is the problem if you’re late when you realized-again, that you have morning sickness, you were becoming moodier, you pee more than usual, your breast feeling swollen, and you hated George’s smell, which you loved, always. 

Without even thinking twice you got the pregnancy test and ran to the bathroom and locked it. 

“That’s not fair!” George calls you out but that didn’t remove the nervousness you are feeling. You might become a mother, you will experience what your parents had gone through, you knew this was going to happen eventually, you were ready, you both were, but you didn’t expect it to be today. 

“Honey,” you called George who was lying on the bed, waiting for you. You stayed there for almost 30 minutes, you didn’t know why but you just had to think before you took the test. 

“I’m pregnant” you uttered, you still can’t believe it. It was just like yesterday when you met at Diagon Alley, it was just like a second ago when he asked you out, and now, you’re pregnant, with his child. 

He jumped out of bed smiling widely and hugged you, he picked you up and started spinning around. 

“YES! I’M GOING TO BE A FATHER!” he repeatedly said, he finally puts you down and started punching the air. 

“And about what you said earlier? It shouldn’t be “I’m pregnant” love” he cups your face and pressed his lips onto yours, the kiss went long that it made your arms wrap around his neck and his hands linger on your back and waist. 

“We’re pregnant. You’re not alone, we’re both in this. Together” he smiled and kissed your forehead. “We’re both going to take care of them” he caressed your belly. 

“I love you” you look at his eyes, those brown captivating eyes that you could stare at for centuries. “I love you too” he tucked few strands of hair behind your ears. As he does that, you saw a glimpse of George, the younger George, maybe it was your hallucination, but you suddenly saw yourself, with him, back at Hogwarts. The two of you, sharing your first kiss. 

“You alright?” the tall Gryffindor ginger asked you after he pulled his face away from yours. “Never better” you replied and grabbed his face, now you were the one initiating the kiss. Because you know, this man would be the one you will spend your life with, and you just didn’t know, you saw. 

“Oh, I never told you huh?” You asked George as you two walked the dark hallways, hand in hand. “Told me what?” he asks, you didn’t bother to look at him, it would be useless, the only one that assured you that he was there was his hand, his body, close to you. 

“I can see the future” you admitted, now having a sly smile. “Really? And what did you saw for OUR future?” his voice sounded interested and teasing. “It’s a secret” you replied and a chuckle left your mouth. “But I promise you. It’s a good one” he bit your lower lip, remembering what you just foresaw. This man is your future. 

[cloud9in]

You’re the only one who’s writing poppy x mc fics sooo, i have a request “ bea is a bad girl (like in a gang) in high school and also went jail couple of times for getting in trouble in high school senior year poppy was new transfer student and after 2 months bea join back school and met poppy bea and they just click yk like a connection slowly they started dating and in school everyone was shocked to see bea in a relationship ( bad girl and new girl) poppy is always worried about bea and few days before graduation bea got hurt really bad and poppy gives bea 2 options that she has to choose between her or her this (gang).. bea didn’t say anything to her so poppy left, after 2/3 years they met in college bea was a different person but so does poppy they become enemies (no one knows why they hate each other) one day they were arguing and poppy shout at her and says why you're back and bea put her hand on her cheek and smile and say i am here to win you back because i love you 😬

Promises (Poppy x MC)

Part 1/?

Can i just say I'm absolutely invested in this plot? You've got me hooked on my own story, as hectic as my life is, this is enjoyable to write. I hope you like it as well @iamsimpforpoppy

Word count: 1.8k (i got carried away)

“You know what to do Jackson, same old shit.”

“Yeah but it feels like a movie every damn time”, Bea responds confidently as she unbuckles her seatbelt. She sports a black mask with a yellow bandana, a vivacious color worn by only the Southside Spades, a notorious street gang who were known for robbery, and occasional blood.

Bea found herself wrapped up in the world of gangs when she turned sixteen. But before that the brunette would assist in transporting goods, also known as hardcore drugs. There was plenty enough to go around so Bea could indulge in any she wanted. Drugs didn’t give her the high she craved though, instead it was the thrilling game of cat and mouse with the cops.

Every now and then she’d get thrown in the slammer overnight. But this particular evening earns her one year in the NY State Penitentiary. See, the cops never gathered significant evidence to build a case against her, even though she was well aware of Detective Steinhelm who had some sick obsession with her. Following her everywhere, until Bea confronted her directly after noticing the same black sedan parked a street down from her house.

But she played the game right, and nothing ever led back to her. Until now.

“Where’s the money Bradley? I feel like I’ve been kissing your ass all week, the boss needs it now.”

A skinny blonde boy who looks like he had better days grunts in annoyance, “You’ll get your money...I’m just a little short right now.”

“Time’s up Ken doll, you know Carter will have your head for this.”

“Maybe he doesn’t have to know. Maybe this can be between us…”, Bradley strides carefully towards the blonde, a disturbing grin on his face which screams junkie. “Back the hell up now.”

Bea pulled her knife out with ease and pointed it towards him. She didn’t plan on actually using it. Murder was way out her budget for a simple money pickup but she knew that it would scare the boy easily. Except he kicked the blade out of her hold which prompted it to screech across the concrete before coming to a stop. Before Bea could think her fists reacted as she intercepted a punch that aimed straight for her jaw. She twists Bradley’s arm and he falls on his knees in pain. With his back to her, she kicks him down until he’s flat on his stomach.

“What is it exactly that you plan on doing now Bradley?” The blonde boy struggles under Bea’s foot but manages to reach around and slash at her ankle with a surprise shiv. Bea yelps in pain before kicking his head, rendering him unconscious.

“Stupid idiot. Had to make this harder than it should’ve been.”

Bea eventually finds the stash of money hidden under his mattress, an amateur hiding place at best. She congratulated herself for another job accomplished (kinda) and headed home. What the seventeen year old didn’t expect was the repulsive sound of a siren filling her ears as she stepped out onto her driveway. Her blood rushed to her head when she spotted Detective Steinhelm among the police officers surrounding her and retorts, “oh come on. I thought I told them about you harassing me. What do you want? Back here to strip search me again?”

The older woman only watches the blonde in eerie silence before smiling and gesturing to a police officer. “Beatriz Jackson you have the right to remain silent, anything you say or do can be used against you in a court of law-”

“What the actual fuck!” Bea yanks her arms out of the officers reach which initiates a struggle for dominance. This was nothing new to her, but it still felt sickening. Like she was some pet.

“You have the right to have a lawyer present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be appointed for you if you so desire.” Detective Steinhelm finishes speaking and approaches the still scuffling blonde, “if you keep resisting I will tase you myself.”

Bea bites back the urge to headbutt the old hag right in her stupid face but she didn’t need any extra charges, for whatever the hell it was she was being charged for.

“Tell me why the fuck I am being arrested and I’ll calm down.”

That’s when Bea notices a familiar (bruised up) face from earlier. His smirk was enough to eat at her skin and she felt burning hot rage.

“Your blood was found at the scene of Mr. Denbroughs assault. You are being arrested in the case of second degree assault with intent to hurt someone with a deadly weapon.”

***

Bea only got one year in prison due to her kickass lawyer Ina Kingsley who played the minor card at every opportunity given. She also pointed out the fact that the knife wasn’t bloodstained, and Bradley never had any stab wounds so there is no proof the weapon was ever used against him. And it technically wasn’t. Good thing she didn’t bring a gun instead.

She did miss her 18th birthday though. And a few months of her senior year. But that’s what summer classes were for right?

All eyes were on the blonde when she returned, and whispers spread throughout the school about a certain new girl. Bea paid no mind to the fingers that pointed in her direction but the newcomer did manage to catch her attention, and pretty quick at that.

“Hey Jackson, how was solitary confinement?”

“I heard they make you use the bathroom right through the tiny food slot.”

Bea rolls her eyes and pelts a piece of not-so-fresh bread right at Ford’s head. The other people at the table join in on the laughter and Bea shakes her head and smiles, “it was Juvie you dumbass, and they made us sit in a circle together every Thursday like we were in an AA meeting.

“That’s jail for babies, goldilocks here wouldn’t last a minute in a real prison”, Carter joins them at the table with a cocky smirk, yet his eyes soften when landing on Bea. She shares a similar look with him knowing they’ll have a real conversation later. Because they definitely didn’t get to have that when Bea was getting dragged away to the police station in cuffs, and every event after that.

“It’s our girl’s first day out, we have to celebrate. And it’s not like she’s on probation...right Bea?”

“I do have a curfew, and I’m on juvenile probation so…when we partying?” The crew laughs as Bea shrugs. Her mother will deal with it. Zoey scoots in next to the blonde and wraps her arm around her shoulder in a side hug. “So glad to have you back Bea, and we are not risking you breaking parole so let’s just go to a sport’s bar tonight.”

Bea nods her head in agreement as the first warning bell goes off and everyone starts to clean up. Zoey taps on her arm and points towards one of the farther tables where a lone figure sits, wiping her hands with a napkin. All Bea saw were blonde tresses until she turned and they made brief eye contact.

“She’s the new girl, Poppy Min Sinclair. Rumor is she’s got a rich white daddy. You should totally invite her to the party.”

“And why would I do that?”

Zoey squints her eyes and leans in closer, her hands under chin in thought, “she seems like the broody type, you two would click.” She laughs at Bea’s comical expression but the blonde can’t bother to look in her direction, she’s way too wrapped up in what little the stranger a few tables away had to offer. She would sit on that thought, Bea was not one to shy away from anything.

***

The two became friends quicker than anyone could think.

One day after school, Poppy’s car wouldn’t start. It just didn’t comply. You would think she’d be poised and call her mechanic to come fix it, but instead the blonde slumped against the driver’s side window and let out a visibly frustrated, high-pitched yelp. Bea watched her pace around the car and even...kick?...the front bumper with her heels in efforts to wake it up.

“You know I may be wrong but I think that only makes it worse..” She approaches the helpless blonde with a small grin. Poppy’s persistence amazed her though, she’s never seen anyone determined to beat a car up. An expensive one at that.

“I hope you have some idea how to fix it, unless you’re here to waste my time and ask me on a date.”

Woah.

Okay that definitely threw Bea on a whim. She lets out a sharp laugh and bites her lips in amusement. She strolls towards the front of her car, holding Poppy’s gaze the whole way. She liked that the blonde didn’t avert her eyes. “And if I did? We couldn’t take your car of course, it’s obviously impaired.”

Poppy smiles and turns to look at Bea properly. She checks out every inch of her with no visible shame. An assessment so to say, and she likes what she sees.

“It’s your lucky day Poppy, I happen to know a thing or three about cars, and I desperately want to get this thing working so we can go on that date.” She winks playfully but god does she mean it. Bea silently prayed that the blonde wouldn’t take it the wrong way, but she knew she won when Poppy didn't protest, instead getting comfortable under some shade and holding her hand out, “the stage is all yours Jackson.”

***

“So what you’re trying to tell me is that I can’t jump over this obvious not-so-protected fence?”

“Judging by the sign right next to it that says...oh wow who would’ve thought, “DO NOT ENTER”, I don’t think so”, Poppy deadpans. It didn’t phase Bea of course because she was already halfway up the fence when the blonde turned away from the sign. The girl had a point to prove, maybe not a valid one, but still a point.

Poppy pinches her eyebrows in exasperation before looking back up to a nonchalant Bea swinging her legs from the top of the fence. She winks down at the blonde, “join me?”

Poppy didn’t expect to be climbing fences with a charismatic girl who had the same color hair as her when she moved schools, but she found herself embracing every moment of it. Although the trip up there was a struggle and some.

“I swear to god there’s a wire in my ass.”

“You’re being dramatic.”

“And we’re both going to end up in the hospital. Get. me. Down.”

Bea tries to hold in her laughter the whole way down but lets it loose when she sees Poppy still up there, partly hovering in the air. “Pops...I’ll catch you, don't worry. Climb down slowly.” She doesn’t. But Bea had her feet planted and ready because any moment with the sassy blonde was unpredictable.  And she loved it. Especially because she had Poppy engulfed in her arms and they were so close their noses touched.

Bea promised herself she’d kiss the girl next time.

***

“You’re...in a gang?”

Bea felt a clasp of cold air enter her lungs as she stared ahead. It wasn’t like she could hide it from Poppy. She has a reputation, and word has gotten around about the two getting close. This was just like that one time at the end of sophomore year where Bea met Kelly Hall, a beautiful girl with golden rimmed glasses. Unfortunately she only could imagine what could’ve been after whispers ended up right on the doorstep of Kelly’s parents, and she suddenly changed her number, and switched out of every class she had with Bea.

The blonde didn’t want to entertain the thought of Poppy doing the same, but this was a lifestyle she chose.

“I mean...how?”

Bea sighs and turns to look at her, “I fell into the wrong crowd. Or maybe it’s the right one because I never found a true home until I met them. They’re family, I wouldn’t expect you to get it though and I understand if you want to distance-”

“I of all people know what it’s like to not fit in Jackson. You’ve found people who make you feel safe. Maybe I don’t agree with the troubles that come with being in a gang but I don’t know the whole story.”

“Do you want to?”

Poppy wraps her arms around Bea’s and lays her head on her shoulder, “I want to know that you won’t get yourself hurt but I know that’s nearly impossible.”

Bea exhales slowly, not knowing what to say. She knew that this would upset Poppy but her acceptance meant more. She didn’t know what this would mean for the two of them, if there was a “them”, but she felt more encouraged to share more of her other life with the blonde.

“Just promise me one thing Jackson.”

“Yeah?”

Poppy’s voice comes out softer than expected, and Bea ingests every emotion that comes with it, “Promise me you won’t ever put yourself in a position where you have to choose between me or the gang.”

Bea finds her hand in the space where their thighs touched and latches onto it like a lifebuoy,

“I promise.”

***

“I just remembered something Poppy.”

“What, that you have half a brain cell? I thought that was established Jackson.”

Bea launches a pillow that (purposely) misses Poppy’s head by an inch. If she actually hit her and frizzed up her locks then she’d never hear, or see..or walk again.

“I’m being serious. I just remembered this too, we never went on that car date we talked about.”

Poppy squints her eyes in confusion, but was fully aware of what Bea was referring to. “You mean the first time we met?”

The blonde smiles to herself as she replayed that day in her head over and over again. She couldn’t decide if Bea’s openly flirty behavior is what drew her in or if it was her ability to fix any of her possessions with ease. And for free.

Bea pulls Poppy up by her hands until her back is against the lockers. Another perfect opportunity for the blonde to make do of that promise she made to herself, but something told her to wait just a bit longer. “So what do you say? Poppy Min Sinclair, will you go on a date with me?”

Poppy rolls her eyes playfully, pulling Bea in closer by the collar of her letterman, “now who’s being dramatic?”

“I didn’t hear a no”

“I think you know what the answer is.”

That night Zoey helped Bea prep for her first date with the girl that she could say she was almost in love with. The taller girl brushed some dust off of Bea’s jacket and planted her hands on her shoulders, “remember Jackson, give her the ride of her life. And I mean that in every way possible.”

Thanks Zoe.

Bea watched Poppy drive up in front of her house and something inside her mind couldn’t deny the pang her heart let out when she saw Poppy smile the way she did.

Bea took control of the driving and told Poppy to recline her seat and enjoy the ride, with her seatbelt on of course. Safe sacrifices. They cruised through an empty highway blasting Poppy’s spotify playlist named “Rich Bitch Songs” because that was their ideal perfect date. It’s amazing that the two could even come to an agreement, but here we are.

She watched the beautiful blonde sing her lungs out and couldn’t help but mirror her joy, taking her hands off the steering wheel. The pump of adrenaline prompts a new excitement in the air and Poppy wraps Bea into a secure hug, her hair flying wildly with the wind. Bea slows the car down but the rapid beating of her heart made it seem they were going 100 miles per second.

“I feel so alive Jackson.”

Bea stared at the girl in the passenger seat with a look that could only be described as love.

“You make me feel alive.”

Poppy kept talking and Bea found a way to focus on both the road and the blonde next to her. Because when you truly enjoy something, you’ll find a way to keep experiencing it. And Bea enjoyed hearing Poppy’s voice, she loved everything about her.

“I feel like kissing you.”

“Then what’s stopping you?”

“...Nothing. I should’ve done this a long time ago.”

They kiss when Bea pulls over.  A hot feeling consumes them like fire when their tongues collide and Bea plants her hands around Poppy’s hips, pushing her back into her seat until she’s on top. The windows easily start to fog up in reaction to the heat, and not once did they take their hands off each other.

Promise 1/2 kept

--------------------------------------------------------

End Note: This chapter was to build their relationship, more angst incoming. BIG THANKS to @somewillwin for letting me use Jackson <3333

Taglist: @samanthadalton @somewillwin @clowneryme @baexpoppy @poppysmc @doey-eyes8 @veenast @straightlikewetspaghetti @phoennixxsblog @a-ghost-girl

[wonder-womans-ex]

Make a Promise

“Sirius,” Remus says, rolling onto his side to face the man beside him, “there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

“Shoot.” Sirius’s eyes stay focused on the ceiling above, but he smiles warmly. 

“Do you—well, you probably don’t remember, but when we lived together, before, in the flat with the piss-yellow walls and the floors that squeaked and the stove that never worked, I had a shoebox. Under the bed. And I never let you look in it.”

Sirius is quiet for a moment, then, “I remember.”

There were three things is the box. And I didn’t want you to see any of them, all for different reasons.”

“Why do I have the feeling you’re about to tell me what they were?” He’s teasing, but his eyes go soft when Remus replies, “Because you know me better than anyone.”

“The first thing,” continues Remus, “The one that took up the most space, was my registry papers. Documents of where I spent every full moon, what classification of werewolf I am, whether I’ve attacked anyone—that sort of thing. 

“Then there was a photo from first year. The one Peter took of James, you, and me after our first detention.” Sirius clenches his jaw, and Remus knows he’s thinking of their old friend. “For years, I thought I’d lost it, but then I was cleaning out the attic after my mum died, and there it was. And I kept it. Because in that photo, you’re looking at me like you looked at me after fifth year; like you look at me now. It just... amazes me, I guess, because we were eleven and we’d barely known each other a month, and already there was something there. I used to take it out, sometimes, when you were gone, and remind myself that what we had was real. It was... it was the only photo of you I didn’t burn.”

The silence envelopes them, heavy and painful, until Remus swipes a hand over his eyes. “Oh, fuck, I’m crying.”

“‘S’okay,” Sirius says, “so am I.”

“You know I love you, right? More than anything?”

“I know. I love you, too. Always and forever.”

Somewhere along the way, their fingers have twined together. Sirius, after giving Remus’s hand a reassuring squeeze, asks, “And the third thing?”

“The third thing in the box?” 

“Yeah.”

“A box.”

“A box. Inside a box.”

“That’s right.”

“How exciting.”

Remus rolls his eyes. “Shut up. What matters is what was inside the box.”

“What was inside the box inside the box?”

“You’re insufferable.”

“I try.”

“Do you want to know what was inside the box or don’t you?”

“Please, do tell.” The grin on Sirius’s face still does embarrassing things to Remus’s heart, even after all these years. “How about I show you, instead?” he says. 

Sirius nods. 

As he leans over to grab his wand from the bedside table, Remus takes a breath. No going back now. He performs a wandless summoning charm, looking anywhere but at Sirius. 

“So.” He snatches the box out of the air as it flies towards him. “I bought this our last Hogsmeade weekend of seventh year. And I meant to give it to you right after graduation, and then again when we bought the flat, and again when I found out James was planning on proposing to Lily, but things kept coming up and I kept putting it off, and eventually it was too late. So I’m giving it to you now.”

He stops. His lower lip is trembling. “Hold out your hands and close your eyes.”

Slowly, Remus presses the box into Sirius’s outstretched hands. “You can open your eyes now.”

Sirius does, eyelids fluttering, and his eyes fix onto what he’s now holding. He inhales so sharply it’s almost a gasp. “Is this what I think it is?”

“Probably.” Remus waits to see if Sirius is going to say something else. He doesn’t, so Remus goes on. 

“Padfoot,” he says, voice barely above a whisper, “you have known me since before I really knew myself. You taught me I matter; I deserve to be loved. You were the first person to find out what I was—what I am—and think no differently because of it. I have tried time and time again to find where I belong, and I never find that the answer is anywhere but with you.

“You are my world, Sirius Black, and it it because of you that I have the confidence to say I am yours. So I ask you, in the house of your awful parents who are probably rolling over in their graves right now... will you marry me?”

Sirius nods, the tears in his eyes spilling over. “Yes. Abso-fucking-lutely yes.”

And now they’re both crying, and they’re kissing each other on the cheek, the forehead, the mouth. Neither of them has ever been happier. 

Finally, Remus pulls back, prying Sirius’s fingers back from around the box, “Aren’t you going to look inside?”

For reasons he can’t quite explain, Sirius hold his breath a he opens the lid, deep red velvet contrasting starkly against thin, pale fingers. A smile spreads across his face. 

The ring inside glints gold; the four tiny rubies set in the band catch the early morning light. “It’s beautiful,” breathes Sirius, grin lopsided where his lip is between his teeth. “Can you...?”

It takes Remus a moment to realize what his boyfriend—fiancee, he corrects himself with a surge of joy—means. “Yeah,” he manages, taking Sirius’s left hand in both of his own and sliding the ring carefully onto the fourth finger. They stay there, palm to palm, for a long time, trading sweet nothings and gentle, chaste kisses. 

“I’ve been imagining how you’d look wearing that ring for nearly seventeen years,” Remus is saying when there’s a sharp knock on the door.

“Breakfast!” Both men look up when Molly’s shout rings down the hallway, neither speaking until she’s moved on to the next door. 

“Our first meal as engaged wizards,” Remus says, pulling Sirius to his feet. “C’mon.”

They wait, giggling and smiling at each other, until they’re sure everyone else has gone down, and then they race to to stars, still holding hands. They slide down the banisters, too; it’s like they’re sixteen all over again. 

At the first landing, Remus stops to push Sirius against the wall. “We’re getting married,” he murmurs into the kiss, and he feels Sirius smile against his lips. 

At the second landing, Sirius brings Remus’s hand to his face, pressing his mouth to each knuckle. 

They don’t stop on the third landing, but they do on the stair after it. Sirius almost falls over as he turns, one foot catching himself on the step below. 

“Can I take your last name?” His eyes are shining. 

Remus says, solemnly, “It would be my honour,” and they laugh again. 

The dining room does not go quiet when they enter. They make no grand enterance. Everyone else continues with their noise and clutter until Harry looks up from his game of chess; he nudges Ron, sitting opposite him, and both boys wave. 

Sirius glances sideways, catching Remus’s eyes. He raises an eyebrow.

Harry grins when Sirius sits down next to him. “Morning,” he yawns. “Ron’s checked my queen.”

“Good for him.”

Ron opens his mouth to say something, but Sirius never finds out what. With a flick of her wand, Molly has set out the silverware—it’s stainless steel, technically, so it doesn’t hurt Remus—and the plates, steaming with porridge. 

“Go on, eat,” she urges loudly, pouring out a cup of tea. “Don’t let it get cold.”

There’s a flurry of movement as everyone claims their place at the table. Remus ends up between Arthur Weasley and Sirius; he has to keep his elbows tucked in so as not to knock over anyone’s morning coffee. Across from him, Tonks is putting her metamorphagus skills to use, her Dumbledore imitation in particular sending Ginny into fits of laughter. 

He nearly burns his tongue on the first bite of porridge. Through the pain in his taste buds, he notices it’s quite good, and makes a mental note to compliment Mrs. Weasley on the recipe. Anyone who can make oats and water taste good, he reasons, is worthy of whatever praise falls their way. 

To his right, Sirius takes a thoughtful sip of his tea. They catch each other’s eyes and smile. 

Glancing around, Sirius sees that everyone is once more engrossed in conversation. Fred Weasley in particular is gesticulating wildly with his spoon, and Sirius has to duck to avoid a flying bit of porridge. Absentmindedly, he twists the ring on his finger around, rubbing his thumb over the four jewels. 

His chair almost topples over when he leans back in it, grabbing an antique crystal goblet from the shelf behind him. He takes the sugar tongs from the table, too, and then he stands up. 

Even with the ding ding ding of silver on crystal, it takes almost ten seconds for just one person—aside from Remus, of course—to look up. Hermione holds his gaze for a moment before leaning over and whispering something in Ginny’s ear. By the time he’s got everyone’s attention, he’s begun to contemplate sitting back down again. 

But, finally, there’s silence, and all twelve pairs of eyes in the room (minus his own, obviously) are on him. 

Sirius clears his throat. He resists the urge to climb on top of his chair, because a broken neck would not be a good start to his engagement. 

“Good morning!” he announces. “I, uh, I have news. Good news.”

Dear lord, he used to be a lot better at this. From somewhere down the table, there’s a mutter of, “Well, get on with it, then.”

Skipping the rest of the preamble, he allows his face to split into a smile. “We’re getting married.”

There is none of the happy amazement he expected. He receives no applause. What he does receive are slow blinks and confusion written on every face except his own and Remus’s. It’s Molly who eventually says something, and what she says is, “Congratulations! If you don’t mind me asking... who’s the lucky lady?”

Now it’s Sirius’s turn to be confused. “You mean... you didn’t know?”

“Know what?”

“Bloody hell.” He isn’t sure whether he should laugh or cry. “I thought we made it obvious enough.”

“Well, clearly you didn’t!”

“How much do we need to broadcast it for you to see what’s right in front of you? How often should we hold hands at mealtimes? During Order meetings? Do you want us to take down the silencing charms on the bedroom, too, so you can hear everything we say, everything we—mmph.”

Sirius is cut off when Remus stands up, grabs the back of his head, and smashes their lips together. Between all those times back at Hogwarts, and now this, it seems it truly has become a trend—Remus shutting him up by sticking his tongue in Sirius’s mouth, that is. 

They break apart far too soon for Remus’s liking, but they do have an audience, after all. He can imagine without looking the expression on Molly’s face, and his imagination is proved correct when he turns away, sliding his fingers down Sirius’s arm to clasp their hands together. “That should answer your question,” he says before anyone has the chance to pick their jaw up off the floor. 

It’s been silent for a while—or, at least, it feels that way; the grandfather clock by the opposite wall shows only thirty seconds have passed—when Sirius realizes they’re still standing. “Excuse us,” he says, and pulls Remus out of the room. 

Out in the hallway, they stare at each other for a few moments before bursting out in laughter. “Oh my god, Remus,” Sirius wheezes. “Oh my god. That was fucking incredible.”

Remus covers his eyes with one hand. “It was spur of the moment, okay? Bloody hell, that was—”

“Unbelievably attractive? Absolutely iconic?”

“So embarrassing.”

“Embarrassing for you, maybe. But that right there? That’s why I love you.”

“What, not my dazzling personality?” 

Sirius grins, leaning in. “Well, yeah, that too. And your gorgeous golden eyes, and your genius mind, and you smile that always makes me melt inside, and—”

“Okay!” yelps Remus, because he knows Sirius too well. “I get the idea!” His gaze is soft, though, and when Sirius reaches up to cup his cheek in one palm, he leans into the touch. 

Eventually, someone—Tonks, or Harry, or one of the Weasleys—will come to find them, demanding explanation. But for now?

It’s just them. 

And despite everything—despite who they’ve lost and what they’ve been through—they have each other. 

[justkending]

The Number One Rule. Chapter 17.

Summary: Y/N has always been seen as “Steve’s rambunctious sister.” However, she grew up, graduated, and moved to London to study abroad for 4 years and get her bachelor's degree. The girl that returns looks nothing like the teenager that left, but don’t worry the attitude is still there and stronger than ever. What’s to come of the two grown adults that used to push each other's buttons, but now have a lot more in common than they’ve ever realized.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Y/N Rogers (Steve’s little sister)

Word Count: 4700+

A/N: Ah yes... It’s time to trap an angry brother...

Chapter Seventeen:

“Steven Rogers, you are not canceling on me again. I’ve seen you a total of 3 times in the past two week,” Sarah scolded into the phone. 

There was a pause as Steve talked on the other line. Y/N watching from the side. Her teeth nervously biting her thumb nail waiting to see if their plan would work. 

“No, your sister has something planned. Something about going up to see Wanda and helping her with nursery decorating,” Sarah lied effortlessly. She really had planned this all out. Turning to her daughter she saw her nervous nail biting, and swiped at her hand, giving her an eye. 

Y/N frowned at the movement and moved to cross her arms tightly around her. 

“Ok, good. I’ll be seeing you at six tonight then. Don’t be late,” the older blonde nodded. “Hm mm, I love you too, sweetheart… Ok, bye.” Pressing the red button, ending the call, she turned to her daughter. “He’s not getting out of this one. We’re fixing this mess.”

“I hope so…” Y/N sighed. 

A wave of relief came over at finally being able to talk this out with Steve, but with it a wave of anxiety hit too. As much as she was upset with Steve for acting the way he was, she understood that in the end, they had hurt his feelings. He was upset and disheartened that two of the closest people in his life, hid such a big thing from him and didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell him first hand. 

“Hey, don’t overthink it. You two are family. Family that has been through thick and thin. If he isn’t ok with you being happy, then I’ll give him a nice smack on the back of the head to knock some sense into him,” Sarah reassured, placing a hand on Y/N’s shoulder. “I raised him better than to act like this.”

“I know… It’s just,” she paused. 

“You feel bad,” Sarah finished for her. “And in a sense you should.”

“Mom!”

“Hey, I never said I was picking sides. The way I see it, you both didn’t handle this situation well,” she shrugged, moving to the kitchen to make some tea. Y/N following slowly behind her. “You and Bucky should have just talked with Steve about things to begin with.”

“But-”

“I wasn’t done,” she stopped raising a finger. Y/N sighing and nodded her on as she sat at the kitchen table. “But, I understand where both of you were coming from. You were worried about his reaction, and from what I heard how it did end up playing out, I understand why you were worried. However,” she continued, pouring the water from the kettle into two ceramic mugs with tea bags. “I think if you brought it up and had an actual sit down conversation, things wouldn’t have escalated how they did.”

“We were worried that if things didn’t work out with us, then Steve would have that weird gap to work between us and it would just make things more awkward in the future. We thought it better to leave him out of it until we were further into the relationship ourselves,” Y/N defended. 

“And I see your reasoning there. Which is what you need to tell Steve. He needs to realize what you thought you guys were doing, was to keep him safe and not that you didn’t trust him,” Sarah nodded, bringing the two mugs over to the table and giving Y/N one. “But you know Steve. He has a big heart just like your father. One that holds a lot of love for those around him, and given what’s happened, that heart that sits on his sleeve was wounded.”

“I know, Ma. I’m not happy with myself either. Bucky and I both feel shitty,” she sighed stirring some honey into the tea, but never actually taking a sip. 

“Have you told Bucky about our little plan?”

“Um, to an extent. I just let him know that I was going to talk to him. Bucky asked if I wanted him to join because he wanted to talk to Steve too, but I think I need to talk to him first as his sister.”

“Probably a good idea,” Sarah nodded. 

They stayed in silence for a second. Y/N never stopped stirring her tea as she looked off in the distance, no doubt playing the night out in her head. Sarah knew that her daughter just needed to have a second to think. 

“I should probably start cooking dinner though. He said he’ll be here at 6 and it’s already 4,” her mom noted looking at the clock. “What are you going to do?”

“Uh, I was just going to hang out in my room and do some work until he got here, but I actually need to run an errand. I’ll try and get back before he gets here so I don’t scare him off,” Y/N sighed standing and wrapping her arms back around herself. 

“Ok,” Sarah nodded going to the fridge to start on the meal. “Park your car in the garage when you get back.”

“Got it,” Y/N nodded, grabbing her keys and  heading out. 

__________

Y/N went about her errands, running to the pharmacy for a prescription, a quick run to work to grab some books she forgot, and a quick stop at the grocery store to get one last special thing…

But as the fates would have it, she pulled around the corner just as Steve was parking. He was a whole 30 minutes early. 

And the attempt to drive away, in hopes he didn’t notice and circle back around, was pointless. Because they made awkward eye contact and Steve became stiff immediately. 

“Shit,” Y/N groaned, stopping her car right in front of the driveway. 

They had a quick stare off. For a second just blank faces and the next Steve looked full on infuriated and started marching back to his car. 

Not letting it be that easy for him to have a clean getaway, and being the petty little sister she was, she quickly went to park behind him. She stepped out of the driver side immediately. 

“Move your car, Y/N,” he groaned, sending her a glare. 

“No,” she said stubbornly. 

“Y/N, I’m not messing around. Move your car or else I will,” he said straightening his pose and walking to her car. But she matched his step. Was he forgetting that she had learned all her stubbornness from him. The two were two stubborn mules going head to head, and these jackasses weren't letting up on the other. 

“I’m bigger and stronger than you,” he countered.

“Oh, wow. Great point there Captain obvious,” she jeered. “But not going to happen. We need to talk,” she said, standing her ground and crossing her arms with a straight face. 

“I don’t want to talk,” Steve said, moving closer to her. 

The two were now mere inches from being chest to chest, Y/N staring straight up at him and Steve looking down. If it had been anyone else under each of their stares, the person would have melted to the floor or ran the opposite direction and never stopped. 

These two had been doing this since the dawn of time though, and neither was even close to relenting. 

“Sucks because we’re going to,” she shrugged. 

“Key’s Y/N. Now,” he commanded. Almost as if he was a Captain and she was a soldier beneath him. 

“It’s funny you think that voice works on me. You should know I’ve become immune to it over the years by now,” she said with a smirk only making him more angry. 

“Give me the-,” he resorted to grabbing her arms and trying to pry the keys out of her hands. 

“No!” she shouted fighting back and turning her back to him to keep him from grabbing anything from her. 

“Y/N, I swear to God,” he groaned as she elbowed him in the stomach and he started to pull her arms back in an attempt to pin them behind her and snag the keys. But she folded over, burrowing her hands toward her stomach and making it harder to get to them. 

“You’re not supposed to swear to God! That’s bad juju, Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes,” she mocked. 

The two were in a full on wrestling match that was somehow moving to the lawn as Y/N kept trying to run off, and Steve followed eventually grabbing her around the waist and picking her off the ground.

“I’m not playing Y/N! This isn’t a joke!” he groaned just as she started kicking wildly to get him to release her.

“I’m not laughing, am I?” she screamed as he became close to winning. “No!” Y/N shouted. Her arms now pinned to her side, but the death grip she had on the keys in her hand was all she was worried about. 

“Y/N Josephine Rogers! Steven Grant Rogers! Stop it right now!” 

The two froze in their fight. Steve was holding Y/N around her middle about 2 feet off the ground. Y/N knees still trying to tuck into her chest to form herself into a ball and keep the treasure away. She was completely engulfed by him still as she turned to the sound of her name. 

“I will not have you making a scene on my lawn. You two are not children anymore. Get your grown adult asses inside! Now.” 

If Sarah Roger’s was cussing, you know you’re in deep shit. And the tone she had, matched with the deadly stare she wore, was terrifying enough to make a thief go back and apologize for robbing a bank. 

“Yes ma’am,” they both said quietly. 

Their mom gave them one last hard stare before stomping back inside in complete frustration and disappointment. 

“Look what you did,” Y/N groaned when Steve finally put her down. “If she still has the wooden spoon from back in the day, we aren’t going to be able to sit down for the next week,” she said, brushing herself off. 

Steve looked down at her not amused and rolled his eyes before he stomped up the porch himself. 

“Geez, you try to lighten the mood a little,” she scoffed before following slowly after. 

Once the two were inside, Steve refused to get within a 6 foot radius of Y/N. The brooding stare he had plastered on him was only furthering his intentions of showing how unhappy he was. 

“Mom, he won’t stop staring at me like I kicked a puppy,” Y/N said in an irritated tone as she stayed by the threshold of the kitchen and Steve leaned back on the sink across the room. 

“Y/N, sit down,” Sarah instructed, pointing the wooden spoon in hand toward the table. The ire in her voice was very clear and very scary. 

Y/N didn’t hesitate to follow instructions. That wooden spoon meant business. 

When she sat and looked back at Steve, he had a cocky grin on his lips at her being scolded like a child. But before he could get too comfortable, Sarah turned to him.

“You too. Don’t think for a second you’re in the clear, mister.”

Y/N choked back a laugh at the terror in his eyes as he watched the spoon carefully like the weapon it was when being wielded in her hands. He sent her a quick glare before begrudgingly sitting in the seat in front of her. 

“Now, I’m going to make a plate and we’re going to sit down and have a nice family dinner. Understand?” she asked without looking back. 

“Yes ma’am,” they both sighed. 

“Good,” she nodded, grabbing plates. 

“Uh, ma?”

“Yes?”

“I have some things in the car I need to get or…” Y/N paused looking at Steve who had switched to avoiding eye-contact with her. “Well, it can’t sit out in the car.”

“You’re excused,” Sarah nodded. “But don’t piddle around.”

“Ok,” Y/N nodded before quickly going back to her car and putting the things she needed into the fridge out in the garage. 

“You set me up,” Steve said once she was out of the room and he heard the front door shut.

“Yes. And?” 

“Really, Ma? Why’d you lie and tell me she wasn’t going to be here?” he groaned with an irked attitude. 

“Watch your tone,” she warned. “And I lied because apparently you don’t remember what I taught you about having an adult discussion when you’re upset instead of pouting. Especially with your family.”

Steve caught on quickly seeing his mother knew more of the situation than he figured. “You know?”

“I’m not blind, Steven.”

“And you’re not upset?” he asked, confused. 

Sarah stopped placing the food on her plate and turned to him. She saw the pain in his eyes. The hurt from the whole situation. She let out a sigh and dropped the hard act just a tad. 

“Steven, I haven’t seen your sister this kind of happy since her junior year,” she answered, looking around the corner to make sure Y/N wasn’t back in yet. “I know she had a great time overseas and with college, but this is a different kind of happiness. One that I’m not going to question.”

“Did she tell you?” he asked, wanting to know if he was just the odd one out. 

“No, I just have a mother’s intuition,” she smiled, walking over and placing a hand on his shoulder. “But we have talked and I’ve heard her reasoning. All I’m asking for tonight is that you do that same. You can’t be mad at someone or judge another if you don’t know their side of the story. I’ve taught you better than that,” she said with a raised eyebrow. “Am I wrong?”

He didn’t answer immediately. He was slipping from angry back to upset and defeated. Eventually he nodded and relaxed more in his chair. 

Y/N came back in and the two looked up at her. She slowly walked back to her chair, but paused before sitting down. 

“Need help with anything mom?” she asked in the weird silence.

“No, dear. I’m ok. I’ll actually take my plate to the study, you guys stay here,” she instructed, grabbing utensils for herself and a napkin with her plate.

“Wait-” Y/N said, all of a sudden nervous being left alone with her brother. 

“This is not my conversation to be had. This is between you two,” she pointed before walking out of the room. “I will say this,” she turned back. “No one’s leaving until this is resolved. I’m not going to have my children hate each other or act like their still in middle school, you hear me?” she pointed to them both. 

They looked at each other for a second, silently communicating before turning back to their mom.

“Yes ma’am.”

“Good. I’ll be in the other room if you need me,” she smiled softly before finally disappearing. 

Awkward tension almost instantly filled the atmosphere. No one was making eye contact with the other, Steve’s shoulders were rigid, and Y/N was gripping the back of the chair she was standing behind so hard that her knuckles were turning white. 

Eventually, she spoke up. 

“So, I have some explaining to do,” she said softly. 

Steve finally looked up, but she couldn't read his emotions. After a second, he stood up and walked over to the plates their mom had set out and started placing his own meal on it. 

“Right. I have a feeling I’ll be doing a good chunk of the talking then…” she caught on watching him move around the stove with his back toward her. “Steve, I don’t know where to start, ok? I don’t know what to tell you other than we thought we were protecting you.”

“Protecting me?” he said in a harsh laugh as he turned around. 

“Yes.” Her answer was solid and showed no doubt behind it. 

“Please, explain to me then how you and my best friend hiding such a big secret behind my back was protecting me,” he scoffed, grabbing a fork and walking back to the table. Slightly aggressively he moved the vegetables around on his plate before stabbing a piece of broccoli and biting into it without looking away from her. 

“I will,” she said matter of factly sitting across from him, forgetting the food and interlacing her fingers in front of her as she leaned forward. Her eye contact was strong so he could see just how much she meant what she was about to say. 

“Once we figured out there were feelings between us,” she paused seeing how weird this conversation was to have now. Steve even tensed more at the mention as well. “We sat down and talked. First, Bucky said he wasn’t going to follow through with it.” Steve’s eyes furrowed at that. “He wasn’t willing to lose your friendship and jeopardize ruining a life long relationship.” 

Steve eased up some at the news. Bucky never said that… 

“And at first, I was upset,” Y/N continued. “I was angry that he was going to let you depict how we went about life. So we walked away from the discussion and acted as if anything that had happened between us was pushed to the side and forgotten.”

“What changed?” Steve spoke up quietly, now lightly picking at the food on his plate. 

“Well…” she thought back. “I had gone ahead and accepted that fact. I figured it would be awkward for a little, but if he didn’t want to do anything about it, then I wasn’t going to push. But then, later the day of my interview, I went to Becca’s for a wine night. When I showed up, Becca wasn’t alone. Bucky had come over and wanted to talk again.”

Steve was listening intently, but played with his food not wanting to show his interest since he was angry. 

“He, uh… I guess he came to the conclusion that he didn’t want to regret not seeing where it went. And at that moment, I saw his perspective from the beginning. I didn’t want to be the reason you two had a falling out. I wasn’t going to be the person who took away your best friend if things didn’t work the way we wanted,” she said sadly, looking down at her hands as she picked at her nails. 

Steve looked up and his face softened. No one had told him that both had tried pushing their feelings aside just to preserve him. They didn’t want to hurt him in the end, and they had been trying to prevent that from the beginning. 

“But Bucky made a good point. We as well have been friends for a while and hopefully, if things didn’t work out between us, we could be civil. Hell, we even made a pact that if we did start a relationship and it ended up falling apart, we would stay civil and stay friends no matter what. We didn’t want it to be awkward for anyone else or ourselves. We’ve been a part of each other's lives too long to let that hurt us, hopefully.”

“So what made you guys decide to…” This was weird coming out of his mouth. “Start dating?”

Y/N chuckled softly at how awkward Steve looked saying that. 

“We realized that what we felt for each other wasn’t something that could be ignored. We enjoyed each other's company, we clearly had romantic feelings for each other, and we’ve had a past that made us almost just as close friends as you guys are. I mean, Becca will always be my own Bucky, but he was there just as much in my life. He’s always looked out for me, and I’ve always tried to do the same for him…” She hadn’t realized she was smiling thinking back on it and when she finally came out of her thoughts, she looked up at Steve who was staring at her. “I don’t know how to explain it, Stevie. There’s a pull. A connection that’s just there. It just… It just made sense.” 

Steve was no longer as tight in his body language as he was earlier. If anything, he looked deep in thought as if realization had hit him. She let him sit there and sift through all the new information. She knew he needed time to process, so she gave it to him. 

Eventually he spoke up in just barely a whisper. 

“How long have you guys-?” He didn’t finish the sentence as if he was still trying to find where it was going. 

Y/N figured he knew what he was trying to say, so she answered. 

“We’ve been dating for almost two months.”

“No,” he shook his head as he stared, unblinking at the table in front of him. “How long have you loved him?”

Shocked by the comment, Y/N widened her eyes when she turned to him.

“What?”

He finally broke his gaze from the table and looked at her. She could have swore she saw the slightest hint of a smile on his face. Vague and barely visible, but she could see something. 

“Come on, Y/N. How long?” he pushed.

She had to think. She hadn’t really put into words that she loved him yet. Had she felt it? Now that she thought about it, yeah… She had always felt love for Bucky. It had changed in the last few months, but after her conversation with her mom the night before, she had realized maybe she was just as blind as Bucky was back in the day. 

“I don’t think I could put a set date to it,” she answered. “I think it’s almost always been there and it took me growing up to know what that feeling was.”

Practically the same answer that Bucky had told him, just worded slightly different. 

“Are you happy?” he asked, leaning forward some. The question and look he was giving her begging for an honest answer. 

She didn’t hold back the smile that came to her lips. A genuine, pure, and blissful smile. 

“Very. I’m very happy, Steve.”

He watched her for a second longer as if waiting for any tell that she was lying, but there was nothing. Nothing apprehensive about it. 

“Ok,” he nodded sitting back in his chair.

“Ok?” she asked, shocked and confused. 

“Yes. Ok,” he repeated, and that small hint of a smile from earlier grew some. 

“Is that an, ‘Ok, whatever,’ or an ‘Ok, good,’ because those are two very different types of okays, believe it or not,” she asked, leaning forward with a raised eyebrow. 

He let out a short, but real laugh. “Ok, as in I’m glad you’re happy. End of the day, that’s all I want for you… And Buck.”

“You’re not mad anymore?” 

“Should I be? Cause I can flip the switch back it you wa-” 

“No! No! We’re happy! We like that answer,” she was quick to cut him off. 

“Ok then,” he laughed, going back to pick at his food. Y/N smiled with him and finally had an appetite to go and grab her own plate. “Almost two months?” he asked eventually. 

Turning from the stove she looked back at him. 

“Yeah, two months in like a week I’m pretty sure,” she calculated as she went back to making her plate and coming back to sit down. 

“So that means, you’re the girl he’s been dating and not telling me anything about?”

“What?”

“Classical Mythology; A-Z encyclopedia? I should have noticed right then and there,” Steve laughed fully now. 

“Oh God. I almost forgot about that,” Y/N laughed, running a hand through her hair. “That was an interesting night…”

“Ew, I don’t want the details,” Steve said, getting grossed out. “I’m trying to eat.”

“Oh, shut up. Nothing like that’s happened, and even if it did, I wouldn’t be telling you. That was just the night of our real first date,” she said, throwing a carrot at him that he deflected. “A night you were supposed to be at home and he could come pick me up without issues, but you had us thinking on our feet.”

He shook his head realizing just how oblivious he had been. Well, not fully oblivious. 

“You know, thinking about it, he’s been a lot more peppy the last couple months,” Steve nodded more seriously now. “At first I thought it was just a change in pace, then he was sneaking out for dates with this mystery girl who I just assumed was someone he wanted to keep a secret because he wasn’t ready to share. Now, I’m starting to realize that I’m just a bad detective…” The last comment was a joke to himself. 

“You’re not a bad detective. You didn’t even know you were supposed to be investigating us. We’re good like that,” she winked and he shook his head at her with a smile. “But in all realness, we were trying to look out for you. Like I said, if things didn’t go our way and we didn’t work out, we didn’t want everyone around us to have to endure that weird process with us.”

“I understand now,” he nodded. “I mean I wish you guys would have just talked to me, but I understand where you’re coming from.”

“I’m glad you get it. We really didn’t want to hurt you Stevie,” she said reaching across and grabbing his hand. “We love you too much to bring you down with us.”

“I love you guys too,” he said squeezing her hand. 

A sweet sibling's silent conversation was had with their eyes before they went back to eating and laughing as they caught up.

“Is it safe to come back into the war zone again?” Their mom asked, coming back into the room. Her plate halfway done, but still pretty full.

“Yes, we’re brother and sister again,” Y/N joked. 

“Good. I was getting bored in the study. The TV’s cable box isn’t working,” she said sitting down with them and going back to eating. “Speaking of. Steve can you-?”

“I’ll look at it for ya, Mom,” he laughed. 

“Thank you sweetheart,” she said pinching his cheek. “Ok, so family movie night since we all love each other again?”

“Only if I get to pick,” Y/N interjected. 

“You’re going to pick another murder mystery and I’m pretty sure we’ve already watched all the one’s Netflix has to offer,” Steve deadpanned. 

“Ok, and? We have Hulu too,” she said, making a ‘psh’ sound as she stabbed a piece of food on her plate and filled her cheeks in a very unlady-like way.

“No. No more murder shows,” Sarah spoke up. 

“I agree. I already see enough crime scenes at my job as it is,” Steve added pointing his fork at her. 

“Fine, one of you guys can pick,” she relented. “Oh! That reminds me!” They both looked at her as she didn’t finish her sentence. 

“Reminds you of…?”

“I got ice cream and Root Beer,” she smiled. “That’s what I had to get out of my car earlier.”

“Root beer floats?” Steve asked excitedly. “God, I don’t remember the last time I’ve had one of those. Those were dad’s favorite…” he smiled, but in fondness. 

“I know. And anytime we had an argument, he would make us sit down and talk,” Y/N said with knowing eyes to their mom. “Then after we would make root beer floats.”

“He said it made everything better after a bad day,” Steve said in reminiscence. 

“Joseph always knew how to fix a bad day with something so simple,” Sarah smiled with a sentimental grin. 

“He sure did,” Y/N agreed, and they all shared a moment leading them to stories here and there about their memories as a family. The topic of their father was one that could tend to be touchy, but this time all it did was bring joy and that sense of nostalgia they needed.

(Tags for this series will be closing soon as it is getting pretty full, please send an ask if you want to be added:)

I’ll post on whatever chapter I decided to close it down here.

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[red-talisman]

An unbetaed snippet of post-CQL canon Yunmeng reconciliation, which is mostly extremely morbid and blunt conversation after beating each other hard enough that they’re too tired for their usual conflicting modes of emotional avoidance.

EDIT: now edited and posted on AO3. :D

CW for past suicidal ideation. Part of my “let WWX express some of his cynical humor and creepiness more often” and “let WWX find out about JC’s own sacrifice goddamnit” agendas.

___________________

Jiang Cheng stares blankly into the trees, their trunks slowly disappearing in the deepening darkness of twilight. Wei Wuxian’s back is warm against his and heaving for breath just as heavily. He thinks his ankle might be broken, but Wei Wuxian is probably worse off.

“You’re an asshole,” Wei Wuxian says thickly.

“Hypocrite,” Jiang Cheng mutters without heat, and Wei Wuxian manages a snort between his gasps.

“Yeah.” After a moment, he adds, with an echo of the old Yiling Laozu in his voice, “You know that if you ever do something like that again, I’ll probably find a way to do something worse than I did before.”

“If I do what, save your life by pulling the same fucking sacrificial shit that you do?”

“I swear to every god out there that I will bring you back as a fierce corpse and kill you myself,” Wei Wuxian says in a pleasant, albeit still somewhat breathless, tone. “I will dismember your carcass and make Jin Guangyao look like a fucking amateur.”

“Good thing Mo Xuanyu’s core isn’t worth shit, then,” Jiang Cheng replies. All of his attention is focused on the feeling of his brother’s bones and muscles moving against his own spine.

“You’re an asshole.”

“Yeah.”

There’s a pause. Somewhere distant Jiang Cheng hears the panicked yells of what’s probably the juniors they left behind a few li back. Then Wei Wuxian sighs. “We’re really fucked up.”

Jiang Cheng takes his time considering and discarding several possible responses. His ankle hurts like a bitch; Mo Xuanyu’s core may not be worth shit, but damn if his asshole genius brother hasn’t figured out how to make the most of it anyway. He finally settles on a tired, “Yeah.”

The silence stretches on long enough that Wei Wuxian goes on, more quietly, “You and Shijie are the only reason I didn’t die in the Burial Mounds. The Wens grabbed me before I knew whether or not you’d even survived the core transfer.”

Jiang Cheng tilts his head just enough to glance briefly over his shoulder. “How did you survive the Burial Mounds?”

“Nope, no, I’m not putting that on you. Not even Lan Zhan knows. I can’t...I can’t do that.”

“Fine. Then tell me, is any of it going to come back and bite us in the ass at the worst possible moment?” he asks dryly.

Wei Wuxian snorts, humorless. “Nah. It’s all mine.”

“Would you tell me if it wasn’t?”

When Wei Wuxian hesitates for a few telling seconds, Jiang Cheng mutters, “You fucking asshole.”

“Yeah.” Wei Wuxian sighs again.

“You left me.”

“You didn’t need me.”

“Who the fuck said that?”

The knobs of Wei Wuxian’s spine are starting to press painfully into Jiang Cheng’s. Wei Wuxian snorts. “I was practically a fierce corpse myself when I dragged myself out of the Burial Mounds. Your position as sect leader was too precarious,” he says bluntly. “You were seventeen years old with no real family, a sister who was getting married off anyway, and an adopted brother who’d been controversial years before the war even happened and who was clearly half-mad and getting worse. And I...my mind never really left the Mounds, honestly.” He coughs, makes a wet sound, and spits. “If I stayed much longer I was going to end up dragging you back into Hell with me. I was a risk you couldn’t afford and I wasn’t going to destroy Yunmeng Jiang a second time.”

"Don’t pull that bullshit, Wei Wuxian.” Jiang Cheng is so, so tired. “Mother was wrong. You know Wen Chao was looking for any excuse. You’re as responsible for that as our shidi was for using a round kite.”

Wei Wuxian doesn’t respond. Jiang Cheng makes a mental note to beat that nonsense out of him in the future, when he can lift his arms again and his ankle isn’t most likely broken.

But Jiang Cheng remembers what it was like to try turning weapons, human and sword alike, into tools of peace. There are still whole weeks of the Sunshot Campaign that are just smears of sense-memory: the cacophony of screams and curses; the reek of mass funeral pyres and the soft ash drifting through the air like black, silent snow; the startling warmth of being suddenly drenched in blood after Sandu sliced open another living human. Half the time he’d come back to himself laughing hysterically, unable to see anything through the tears on his face, and as the war dragged on, the tears eventually dried up. It had taken months afterwards to settle into the mindset of rebuilding for Lotus Pier. (If he’s honest with himself, he never really did settle there. There's always a part of him still dragging itself through mud made by blood spilled on battlefields and churned up by soldiers' boots.)

“Jin Ling’s the only reason I never actually killed myself after you died,” Jiang Cheng says. “...Don’t you ever tell him that.”

“Wait, what?” Wei Wuxian snaps.

“You saying I would’ve died without a core - it was never about not having a core, you idiot, not really.” Not to say that hadn’t hurt, and Jiang Cheng really doesn’t know how he would’ve managed life as a commoner. But there were still worse things to lose than a core, which had also just lost and was about to lose yet again. “I had a few ideas on how to do it, depending on where I was and what was available when I decided I might as well get it over with.” He huffs a brief laugh and idly rubs his thumb over Sandu’s hilt. “I thought poison might be a good option, if a little heavy-handed on the metaphor.”

“I’d be laughing,” Wei Wuxian says flatly, “if you weren’t talking about killing my little brother.”

“Am I?”

“You never stopped.”

The silhouettes of the trees start to blur in Jiang Cheng’s eyes. “You left. You left, and everyone died, and somehow I was responsible for keeping our sister’s baby alive while the wolves tried to eat what remained of our sect from every direction. You left.”

“I never wanted to.”

“But you did.”

“Because I didn’t see any other way to keep you safe.”

“Because you chose strangers over family.”

“Because I didn’t see any other way to keep you safe,” Wei Wuxian hisses. Apparently they’re not so exhausted that they can’t get pissed after all. “I was hardly human anymore, Jiang Cheng. If I was going to die, then at least I’d die actually managing to save innocent people this time around and you would be safe from me.”

“I never wanted you to do that for me!”

“And I never wanted you to do that for me!”

The tension that had them both struggling to sit up straight suddenly breaks, and their backs collide again. Jiang Cheng grits his teeth against the urge to groan over the pain that ricochets through his chest and down his limbs. He hears a muffled yelp from behind him.

“You’re a damned fucking asshole and you’re my fucking brother and I hate you and don’t you ever assume you know what I need again, do you understand me,” snarls Jiang Cheng.

“You’re the damned fucking asshole and if you ever do that again then I will brand a reminder into your flesh right over the scar from the discipline whip,” Wei Wuxian snaps back, because he's never held back from fighting dirty if he thought it necessary.

“Fine!”

“Fine.”

They both stare into the dark forest, in opposite directions. It sounds like the juniors have finally picked up their tracks. Useless, the whole lot - Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian hadn't exactly been subtle in stepping aside for a private conversation that inevitably escalated, how could it take the kids this long?

"Those dumbasses had better not forget that we're on a night-hunt," he says.

"Like we did?" Wei Wuxian replies.

"You started it."

"Did not."

"No, I'm not doing this with you."

"Hey, you started this one."

"Shut the fuck up."

They fall silent again. A cold breeze picks up and Jiang Cheng feels Wei Wuxian shiver, pressing back just a little more firmly against Jiang Cheng for warmth, and he...leans back too. Just a little.

"I'm still fucking pissed at you," says Wei Wuxian.

"And I've got years' worth to pay you back for," says Jiang Cheng.

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Sect Leader Jiang!" they hear. "Senior Wei!"

"If you don't show up for the mid-autumn festival," Jiang Cheng suddenly says, "I'll come drag you out of the Cloud Recesses by the heels."

"But the dogs - "

"Don't be an idiot. Jin Ling's dog is the only one allowed in Lotus Pier, you know that."

Well, come to think of it, Wei Wuxian probably doesn't know that, but whatever, now he does. Wei Wuxian is terrifyingly silent, but before Jiang Cheng can say something that will inevitably bring them back to throwing fists, he hears a quiet, "Yeah, okay."

"Do you think they killed each other?" they hear Lan Jingyi asking loudly. "I mean, Sandu Shengshou versus the Yiling Patriarch - who would win?"

"Don't be an idiot," retorts Jin Ling, and Wei Wuxian's body briefly shakes with a laugh. "My uncle, obviously."

"They're both your uncle, idiot!"

Jiang Cheng just sighs and lets his head fall back against Wei Wuxian’s shoulder.