#like. I just realized my sister has enough friends that she's travelling every year at least once to meet them for concerts

[thepandalion]

been thinking lately about how my introvert sister has. significantly more friends than me.

I'm an extrovert I'm supposed to have. literally any amount of friends. and I'm just now realizing I've got no idea how many friends I actually have because I literally never say "oh yes this person is my friend" like ever

anyways like. idk asking my mutuals on tumblr if they wanna be my friends feels kinda sad but I also have no idea how friends are made

[artdcnaldson]

THANK YOU FOR MATCHING MY FREAK

You’re art’s sister and are like 2-3 years younger. You meet Patrick when you’re 12 and he comes to your house during summer break to visit Art. You’ve always had a crush on him and he knows you well enough to consider you a friend you know, but at that time you’re still just Art’s little sister.

Flash forward couple years, Art is out of college and with Patrick on tour (they never have a falling out in this AU) and both of them are like 24. You’re 21/22 and freshly out of college and well you want to take a gap year before finding a job. You felt like you didn’t really experience in college yk. Constantly studying and never even really went out. Kissed a couple guys but sadly still a virgin and quite frankly embarrassed.

You decide its a great idea to travel. I mean what’s not to like! Get to see new places, except your family doesn’t have the money to let you galavant anywhere you want and you’re a broke college grad, so you’re stuck traveling on your big brother on tour. Not that you don’t love him, Art’s a great brother, it just isn’t what you planned….until you realize Patrick is there too.

When you finally meet up with them, you realize Patrick has just gotten hotter. More of a man now at 24 and well you’re not the shy little kid you were anymore. You’re 22 and know what you want. And well you don’t know if you’re beautiful (patrick already thinks so but shhh you don’t know that) but you do think with the right clothes and attitude you could get him interested (he already is but again shhh you don’t know that).

So yeah you decide you don’t really need to wear bras anymore and that tiny little lacey panties are soooooo much better for you. Short skirts or the long white ones that are kinda see through in sun or any bright light are your favorites. And little tiny tight tops. You always make sure to give Patrick hugs after his games and always compliment him. Looking up at him with big eyes.

Patrick notices. God he notices. He knows what you’re up to. When you’re drunk you whisper about how much you want him and how you touch yourself thinking about him and how no one’s ever had you like that and that you wants him to be the one who does. He’s not surprised at this, Art’s repressed as fuck so yeah of course you are too (he blames the catholic upbringing but thats a different story). What he is surprised tho is how much you want it…how much hr wants you…god he wants to completely defile you. In every way possible. Fucking claim you in a way you’re begging him to do so. He swears he isn’t possessive but the thought of any one else with you starts to bug him too. You’re just so sweet and need someone right for you :( not some random douche :( someone who’d treat you right :( and fuck you right :( God he wants you so bad…it’s just you’re Art’s sister.

- 🫀

EXACTLYYYYY EXACTLYY

Art notices something is up, gets a little protective, the way a good big brother should. He starts carrying an extra jacket in his car specifically so he can give it to you when you’re out with the two of them, to cover up how short your skirt is.

He sees how you go to Patrick whenever you can, how you cling to his side and look at him all starry-eyed and sweet.

“You need to tell her you aren’t interested,” Art tells Patrick one night, when they’re brushing their teeth in a hotel bathroom. You’re across the hall, blissfully unaware of what your brother is doing.

Patrick could just agree, could tell him he’d never go for his best friend’s sister, and that he’d tell you to leave him alone. But he’s nothing if not an asshole.

“What if I am interested?” The words are spoken around a mouthful of foamy toothpaste that he spits into the sink. “Your sister’s hot, she wants me, clearly. She could do worse.”

Art shoves him, which makes Patrick grin. “Fuck you. I’ve seen how you get with women. I’ve been on the other side of the door and heard it. If you ever even look at her the wrong way, I will break your fucking knees.”

Patrick leans against the wall, his lips twitching into a grin. “That could be good. I’d be all bedridden and weak. She could take advantage of me, make me submit to her perverted desires.”

Art groans, meets his gaze. “I’m serious, Pat. Tell me you’re going to put a stop to it, or I’ll have to make her go home.”

“Alright,” he says, putting his hands up. “I’ll tell her to knock it off.”

But what can he do when Art’s taken some pretty girl at the bar back to the hotel? when you’re drunk off of sweet girly drinks and it’s just the two of you? When you’re batting your lashes at him, telling him how handsome he looks, that you want to kiss him so bad, want him to touch your— but you can’t say it, you’re looking down, all shy.

But you’re not shy enough that you can’t tell him that you’re not wearing a bra, that you’re not wearing panties. That you want him so bad it’s hurting and you just need him to make it feel better. That no one’s ever touched you before, but you think he should be the first. That the first time you played with yourself it was after you watched one of his matches.

Jesus fucking Christ. He gets a glass of water, makes you drink it all in front of him, then makes you drink another. You follow on wobbly legs as he walks you back to the hotel, keeps a nice firm hand on your wrist.

You’re beaming when he brings you to your room, start clumsily stripping off your dress. He has to turn around when your dress pools on the floor, has to physically cover his eyes so he’s not tempted to turn around.

“Jesus, put some fucking pajamas on.”

“Pattttt—“ you whine. But when he doesn’t move you obey. He can see your nipples through the tin tank top, but it’s better than nothing, literally.

“C’mere, let’s get you ready for bed.”

He sits you on the counter in the bathroom, wipes off your makeup carefully. You groan, press your forehead against his as a wave of nausea hits. You smell sweet, like vanilla, but mostly like liquor. He holds your hair while you vomit, wipes at your teary eyes and says it’s fine, he’s seen worse. He’s been worse.

And then you’re crying, saying you like him so much and you wish you could just have him— that he’s so nice to you it hurts in your chest like you can’t breathe. He thinks it’s sweet, but you’re just drunk.

He brushes your teeth, carries you to the bed. Slides the hotel trashcan next to the bed, just in case. And he shouldn’t, but he leans down and kisses your forehead too.

“Please don’t leave, Pat. I feel sick.”

He sighs, texts Art. Full disclosure, I’m staying in your sister’s room so she doesn’t choke on her own vomit. Have fun with the room tonight bro.

He falls asleep sitting up in the armchair by the TV, and the two of you notably don’t talk about it the next morning.

[soopersara]

Home

Zutara Week 2023: Day 1

Read it on AO3 | @zutaraweek

A journey across the Earth Kingdom to find Zuko's mother comes to an end.

She can’t sleep.

It isn’t that she’s not tired. After several weeks of near-constant travel, this is the first night that they’ve had the luxury of leaving their tent packed away, the first night when she and Zuko have been able to rest without first scraping together a meal for themselves and all their friends. By all rights, they should both be exhausted, and this night of stillness and solitude should be a relief.

But she can sense Zuko lying awake beside her, staring up into the darkened rafters of the barn. Though he is quiet, though he is careful not to move too much, the tension alone is enough to keep her awake.

Her fingertips brush against his arm. “Zuko, you should try to sleep.”

He gives a start and turns to meet her eyes. “Oh! I—” There is a pause, and even in the dark, she can see him swallow. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to keep you awake.”

Katara almost wants to laugh. His restlessness has made it difficult to sleep, that much is true. But it isn’t so much that he’s been keeping her awake as it is that the stillness feels unnatural. Ordinarily, he is a quiet sleeper, but ordinarily, lying beside him doesn’t feel like lying next to a statue. If he weren’t trying so hard to keep from disturbing her, she might have drifted off a long time ago.

She nestles in against his shoulder and loops her hand idly around his. “I would have sworn that you were more tired than me.”

His head tilts in her direction. “Why would I be?”

“Why wouldn’t you?” she counters. “Today was—a lot.”

He grunts by way of acknowledgement. “I guess.” A small sigh, and though he seems to deflate a bit, the tension doesn’t leave. “I just have a lot on my mind. Don’t worry about it. You should sleep.”

She ignores that last part. She knows Zuko well enough to realize that despite what he might say, he’s never really expected their search to succeed. That after a few weeks of chasing fruitless leads around the Earth Kingdom, he’d practically resigned himself to returning home empty-handed. That splitting off from the others to follow their last few leads was less a matter of making their search more efficient than it was an effort to draw the journey to a close before he could succumb to guilt over wasting the others’ time.

But they’ve been away from the others less than a day, and already it feels like all of that has changed. Like maybe, just maybe, they’ve found his mother purely by accident.

“Do you really think we found her?”

“I know we did.” His voice, though soft, grows more intense. “Noriko is my mother. I would know her anywhere. I just—I didn’t think that she would have a new family.”

Katara raises her head just far enough to see his jaw tightening and traces her thumb softly along his jawline. “She has a new daughter, not a new family. No one is replacing you.”

They’ve both done the calculations by now. Kiyi is nearly eight years old, and Ursa has been gone for eight and a half years. If they’re right about Noriko and she really is Zuko’s mother in disguise, then Ursa was almost certainly pregnant before she left the palace behind. If they’re right, then Kiyi is almost certainly every bit as royal as he is.

If they’re right, then Ursa has almost certainly stayed in hiding for fear of what the world might do to another little Fire Nation princess.

“Even if Kiyi is my sister, I don’t know if that means much,” he says. “Noriko didn’t remember me. How could my own mother forget if she still cared about her old family?”

Slowly, Katara rolls onto her back to stare into the rafters along with him. “What if she didn’t forget?”

“She didn’t recognize me. She would have said something if she did.”

A frown finds its way across Katara’s lips. She remembers the brief flashes of confused uncertainty on Noriko’s face when they arrived, guiding Kiyi back from where she’d gotten lost in the forest. Katara remembers the surprised delight in Kiyi’s eyes and voice when Noriko invited them to spend the night as repayment for guiding Kiyi back unharmed. And Katara remembers all the pauses after that when Noriko would watch Zuko, brows furrowed like she could almost recognize him.

It's hard to know whether Zuko missed all of those moments, or if he’s just too afraid to hope.

“I’m not so sure about that.” She clasps Zuko’s hand again and traces a thumb across his knuckles. “It’s been a long time, Zuko. Even if she remembers you, she might not know how to say it. And I’m sure you look—different now than you used to.”

“She’s never seen my scar before,” he concedes after a pause. “Maybe she doesn’t want anything to do with me because of that.”

Frowning, Katara pokes him in the ribs. “That’s not what I meant. You know that.”

“Then what did you mean?”

She takes a moment to find the proper words. “You’ve always told me that your mother did everything she could to protect you. That she took care of you when no one else would. So now—maybe she’s ashamed. She thought leaving would keep you safe, but it didn’t work out that way.”

Zuko is quiet for a while. Then, “I guess you could be right.”

“You don’t sound very sure about that.”

He sighs. “How can I be sure? I haven’t seen her in years. And since then—so much as changed.” For a few long seconds, he goes quiet again. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do if it turns out that my own mother doesn’t want me anymore.”

All Katara can really do is snuggle closer against his side. “I don’t think that’s going to happen. I think she’ll see how easy it is to love you just the way you are.” Her hand rests softly on his chest, just near enough to the scar at the base of his sternum to feel the ridges at its edge. “But no matter what happens, you’re not going to be alone. I’ll still be here. You’ll always have a family, I promise.”

Zuko’s chest shudders ever so slightly as he exhales, and he wraps an arm around her. Though he can’t seem to find any more words, his embrace speaks volumes all on its own.

⁂

It’s still early, just past sunrise, when the barn door creaks below them. Katara tenses, and Zuko edges toward the ladder, but before either of them can do more, a small head pokes up into the loft.

“I knew it. Mom told me not to wake you up too early, but I knew you’d already be awake.” Kiyi clambers up the last few rungs into the loft, then grins at them both. “I brought some tea.”

The pot in her hand isn’t steaming, and the cups balanced upside down on its lid are battered and chipped, but she settles in the middle of the floor, looking pleased with herself just the same.

“It might be a little old.” Kiyi bends over far enough to squint down the teapot’s spout. “But I think Mom just made it last night. That’s not so bad, right?”

Zuko cracks a smile and sits an arm’s length away from her. “I don’t think so. But I have an uncle who really likes tea, and he might try to disown me if he ever heard me say that.”

Kiyi cocks her head to the side, then thumps a cup in front of Zuko. “He sounds silly.” She thumps a second cup down next to Zuko’s and motions for Katara to sit as well. “This one is for you.”

There is something in her frankness that makes Katara smile. Though she still can’t be as certain as Zuko that Ursa and Noriko are one and the same, it’s impossible to deny the fact that Kiyi looks a great deal like Zuko. If she isn’t his little sister, then the universe has done an uncannily good job at replicating both his features and his mannerisms.

Though the tea that Kiyi pours them is cold, Zuko shows no hesitation in drinking it. Katara takes a more hesitant sip—the tea is slightly bitter, but not so much as to be especially unpleasant. Kiyi looks pleased with herself when they’ve both tasted the tea, and she settles back against a crate, happily cradling her own cup between her hands.

“Where is Noriko?” Katara asks. “If she told you not to wake us—”

“Oh, I think she’s still sleeping.” Kiyi takes a sip from her cup. “But last night, she told me a lot of stuff about good manners around guests. I think Mom thought I was going to make a lot of noise because we’ve never had guests before, but it’s not like I was going to say anything if you were still asleep.”

At that, Zuko looks a bit surprised. “You’ve never had guests before?”

“Nope. Ever since I was a baby, Mom said that our house was just for family. The garden is for friends, but it would be impolite to make people sleep in the garden.”

“I see.”

Katara feels Zuko glancing her way, and she allows her hand to brush against his. That sort of paranoia would certainly make sense coming from Ursa. Keeping both friends and strangers from the house makes perfect sense if she’s on the run from the Fire Nation. And since Zuko and Katara have been allowed to stay—albeit in the barn instead of the house—maybe Ursa really does recognize Zuko after all this time.

Kiyi leans forward conspiratorially. “Do you want to know a secret, though? Me and Mom don’t have any other family. I don’t think so anyway. When I was really little, I think she told me that I had a big brother and sister, but I never met them.” Briefly, she frowns, cocking her head to the side. “I wonder if Mom thinks you’re my brother.”

It isn’t a question, and judging by the look on Zuko’s face, he probably wouldn’t be able to answer if it were. Katara squeezes his hand, and after a few seconds’ pause, he regains his composure.

“I guess I don’t know what she thinks. It was nice of her to let us stay either way.”

If she notices his hesitance, Kiyi seems unbothered by it. So unbothered, in fact, that rather than continuing the topic, she launches into a series of cheerful stories about her life with her mother—about journeys that take the two of them on crisscrossing paths across the northern Earth Kingdom every year. About riding from town to town on a cart drawn by their ostrich horse, meeting people from far-flung places, and exploring distant mountains and forests for new plants to bring back home.

Noriko, it seems, has carved out a life for herself where travel is both normal and expected. Where her work as an herbalist and chemist takes her on regular journeys for new ingredients and seeds, for customers and colleagues. Where, if her old life ever reemerges to endanger herself and her daughter, their escape will draw no notice whatsoever.

“I thought I was really good at directions,” Kiyi says, sounding a little sheepish. “Me and Mom go lots of places together, and I’ve never been lost before. But I guess I don’t play in the woods here at home very much, otherwise I wouldn’t have got lost yesterday. I still feel kinda silly.”

Zuko shakes his head. “You don’t have to feel silly about that. Everybody gets a little lost sometimes.”

“Even if they travel a lot?”

“Even then. For a few years, I lived on a ship, and it’s still hard to find my way sometimes.” There is a steadiness to his voice, and judging by the way that Kiyi beams at him, the reassurance is welcome.

“Maybe I’ll learn how to draw maps someday,” she says. “Then I won’t get lost ever again. And maybe I can give you some of my maps too.”

Zuko seems ready to reply, but before any words make it out of his mouth, the door below them creaks again.

“Kiyi? Are you in here, sweetheart?”

“Up here, Mama!”

There is a relieved-sounding sigh, and Noriko emerges at the top of the ladder a few moments later. “I thought I told you to give our guests their privacy. Come on. We’ll go back to the house, and they can join us for breakfast when they’re ready.” She gives them both an apologetic nod, but it’s painfully obvious that Noriko is trying not to stare at Zuko.

���But they’re already awake, Mama. We’re having tea.”

Katara shoots a glance at Zuko, and as he inhales, his shoulders tense. Gently, she loops her hand through his and gives a reassuring squeeze.

Noriko climbs the last few steps into the loft. “I understand that. I’m glad you didn’t wake them, but it’s impolite to—”

After another slow breath, Zuko squeezes back and pushes carefully to his feet.

“Wait.” His voice is soft and hesitant, but Noriko freezes stone-still, eyes alight with nervous hope. “This might sound strange, but I’ve been meaning to ask you—was there ever a time when you went by the name Ursa?”

Noriko’s eyes widen, and for a moment, it looks like she might faint. But then, just as quickly, she steps forward. “It is you. Oh, my sweet boy.” Though Zuko stands a full head taller than his mother, she sweeps him up in an embrace like he’s still a little boy. “My little Zuko.”

It’s enough to make Katara’s eyes burn, and as she blinks away the prickling, Kiyi scoots sideways until their shoulders nearly brush.

“Was I right before?” Kiyi asks in a whisper after a few moments watching the reunion. “Do I have a big brother for real?”

Smiling, Katara wipes her eyes and nods. “Yes. Are you okay with that?”

For a few seconds, Kiyi frowns, apparently deep in thought. Then, “If he’s my brother, are you gonna be my sister someday?”

“I think there’s a pretty good chance of that.”

A grin breaks across Kiyi’s face. “Then this is the best day ever!”

[kitab00m101]

Luz and the Witte-brat (Pt 2)

"Eeeeeeeedaaaaaaa." Luz wailed as she run back to the Owl House. Her heart was beating faster than she thought were possible, her hands had yet to stop shaking. She ran up to her magic mentor in the front yard, and couldn't help herself as she spilled every thought racing through her mind.

"Eda! Me and Lilith went looking for time travel puddles like your book said and I went through one and then I heard that sound that the Portal Door makes when it opens ya know the- WHPASHshh, and then I saw a witch that kinda looked like you and some humans and I saw the human Realm! But then they saw me and I ran and they chased me and then a human kid tackled me and I hit my head a bit-"

"Great titan, kiddo. You sure do sound like you bonked your coconut." Eda said slowly, putting her hand on Luz's shoulder. "Can you try and sum all that up?" Luz nodded, and took a very deep breath.

"I think I accidentally kidnapped a human kid from a couple hundred years ago, and I don't know how to return him."

Eda's understanding expression furrowed. "What?"

"I'm not gonna repeat all that." Luz said bluntly. "Also, I feel like I'm gonna throw up." She added putting a hand to her forehead. Luz looked over her shoulder as clicking heeled footsteps came close.

"Sister, assuming your apprentice has gotten you all caught up, would you mine getting some kind of box to put this thing in?" Lilith approach her friends cautiously, with the child dangling while she held the scruff of his coat. Eda scoffed, starting towards Lilith.

"Lily, put him down! It's a child, not a griffin cub!" As soon as Lilith set the boy down, he charged at Eda with a little battle cry. He punched and kicked at the Owl Lady's legs, trying to hurt her with little effect aside from making her scowl. "Die witch, die!!!" Was all she could catch in-between the growling and grumbling of his tantrum. Summoned by the sound of rage fulled whining, King opened the door front door.

"What's going on out here- ah!" The young demon was promptly tackled by the boy as soon as he was in his sight line. King squealed as the kid tried to drag him out of the house by his tail. Eda ran over and grabbed the kid off the ground before he could hurt King any further.

Looking slightly concerned, Lilith asked Luz, "Are all human young like this?"

She shrugged. "More or less."

King regained his feet and stuck his tongue out at the boy. "That's right! Naughty kids go in air jail!"

Without missing a beat, the kid hissed, "If I hear another vile word out of ye mouth, I will skin you like a racoon, devil's spawn!" He wildly struggled against Eda's hold, looking desperately back at Lilith over and over.

"Wait!" Luz exclaimed. "Eda, set him down really quick, I have a theory." Though the witch looked skeptical, she slowly put the human kid back on his feet, then took several paces back. He froze for a moment, locking his hostile gaze on King. Immediately the demon's hackles went up, and that was just enough to spook the kid. To everyone but Luz's surprise, he ran straight to Lilith, and actually hid behind her. She was startled, but didn't dare move.

"What in the world-" She started, before Luz shushed her. While the kid was still focused on King, Luz pointed to Lilith, and then her own ears. It took a moment for all of them to realize what her little game of charades meant. Lilith was the only witch who's pointed ears were covered.

[doodles-with-noodles]

The funniest thing about me figuring out I‘m trans is that, in hindsight the signs ALWAYS WERE THERE. They do not necessarily mean anything, girls can have them too, but to me they feel like they always have shown the truth.

So I‘ll tell you about my poor father. My poor father, whose wife just has given birth to me. He looks at me. For a split second, he always tells me, I looked like his father-in-law (which is hysterical in itself because I think my grandpa is transphobic). The universe IS GIVING SIGNS. So I‘ll tell you about my first friend, a boy. We always played together. I loved playing boy characters. We both agreed that red was the best color ever.

So I‘ll tell you about all the times I wore a dress or pink after I realized there’s apparently a difference between me and my friend and getting upset or angry. I hated being called a princess. I tried to like horses and unicorns but my true love were dinosaurs and Egyptian mythology and archeology. I had a wallet with dinosaurs on it. I wanted to become a police officer, then a firefighter, an archeologist. I touched worms and snails and sat in the dirt.

So I‘ll tell you about a little boy who is always thrown in with the girls even though they think „she’s“ weird because he read books and played boys in pretend. The only thing they loved him for was his overly long hair. A boy who doesn’t know who he is, but always knows he protects his friends, punching a boy in the face who insults my second and best friend I have ever had and still have.

So I‘ll tell you about a twelve-year-old boy who cuts his long hair gradually until it is a bob, everyone telling him that they miss his hair but he doesn’t mourn it. Who hates „girl“ clothes but tries to put them on anyways when he absolutely has to. Who geeks out with his nerdy friend. Who leaves old friends behind.

So I‘ll tell you about this boy a year later, constantly crying, forgetting to brush his hair so it knots horribly, hell, ripping it out. So tired. I’m so sorry for him. But he has new friends, so that’s a plus.

He sees a video and he can’t stop watching it. His family travels to his grandparents (24 hours because of delays, horrible) and he knows what’s wrong but can’t talk. His hair is still long and on every photo his smile is strained, empty. His grandfather whose face he had at birth talks about „men who only want to get into women’s bathrooms“ and „women who don’t know what they want“ and he cries that night, quietly in the cramped guest bedroom so no one hears him. He talks to his sister and decides it’s enough.

He gets back home and cuts his hair.

Shorter.

And shorter.

And he has friends that love him and he has a family that loves him. He has worn his first suit on the best friends birthday party (it was a crime dinner and I was a MALE mafia heir).

And maybe he’s getting a binder before Christmas and coming out as dramatically as possible (maybe with a party popper?) on the extended family’s Christmas dinner and cut the sides of his hair very short and finding a nice name and having a birthday party with all his friends who know.

So. It’s been a hell of a ride. But I feel good. Not perfect, but better. Also „curious“ side-effect: when you can’t see my boobs I don’t slouch and I think of myself as hella more attractive ( some friends said it’s not only me… nice. Maybe it’s the confidence). I’m gonna stir up some shit and no one can bring me down. Kiss on the cheek for y‘all out there. I love you so much.

Yes, I had the face of my grandfather at birth but was assigned a girl. Doesn’t mean shit. I’m not my grandfather- I’m not a girl either. And if you try to be a dick about it you better watch out: Freddie Mercury was my role model since I was eleven.

[casspurrjoybell-17]

HEART'S FATE - CHAPTER 49

*Warning: Adult Content*  

Apparently, news travels fast under the sea and in the following hours, the palace fills with Mer-folk coming to verify Skylar West's return with their own eyes. 

Skylar explains to his partner, Martin Hunter, that most are relatives and friends, some are advisors and dignitaries and the rest are merely curious. 

With the throne room sealed shut and guarded, they gather in the great hall. 

Servants who move with the efficient unobtrusiveness of an invisible class set out tables and deck them with platters and trays of refreshments in the style of hors d'oeuvres, none of which Martin recognizes.

The most inviting are little grape-sized orbs that could be the fruit of some underwater plant but could also be some sea creature's eggs, for all he knew. 

With no idea what will be palatable, much less safe for a land-walker to eat, Martin abstains.

Marin does his best to stick close to Skylar as he moves from one group to the next, greeting all with the gracious manner of a true prince. 

Skylar does his best to include his mate in conversation but it's soon abundantly clear that Martin is both literally and figuratively out of his depth and about as useful as a bowl of wax fruit, purely decorative, not particularly interesting and a waste of valuable space.

Finally, as Skylar is pulled into yet another conversation that reminds Martin of the time he wandered into an upper division maths seminar when he was looking for his Modern American Lit class, Anemone appears at his side and takes pity on him.

"Would you like to see the library?" she asks, linking her arm with mine. 

"My brother mentioned that you write books."

"I'd love to," Martin says, casting her a grateful smile.

Shyly she leads Martin from the crowd and into a mercifully empty hallway. 

Martin lets out his breath in a sigh of relief, not having realized how much tension he'd been holding in.

"You are like me, I think," Anemone says.

Martin looked over at her as they pass beneath a massive portrait in a gilded frame and Anemone stops to look at it. 

"In what way?"

She wears a long, sparkling dress of light blue silk that hugs her slim figure to the knee, where it flares into an explosion of ruffles, making her look like some fiery-haired nymph emerging from a waterspout. 

"You dislike crowds. Crowds of strangers, anyway," she says.

"Sky told me the population of Thassos is only a few thousand. I imagined you would know just about everyone."

"Oh, no. We are very isolated here in the palace 'well-protected,' I should say. Natalis has seen to that. She's very beautiful, isn't she?"

"Your sister?"

Anemone laughs and nods up at the portrait. 

"No, you silly squid. My mother. That's her."

"Oh, yes, of course." 

The woman in the portrait is, admittedly, gorgeous and from what Martin has seen of her children, he suspect that the beauty depicted is true to life and not the artist's flattery. 

Her hair falls over her shoulder like a cascade of golden silk, her features are flawless and her large, slightly wide-set eyes are the same sea-green as Skylar's. 

"She's lovely. Are you... excited to speak with her again?"

Anemone shakes her head. 

"Not 'again.' I was very young when she was taken from us. I have known her only as a statue and from portraits like this. I hardy remember her, otherwise." 

"Are you so much younger than Skylar?" Martin asks, failing to hide his surprise. "I mean..."

She giggles, thankfully unoffended. 

"We all look about the same age now, don't we? But yes, my brother was already a young man when I was born. Natalis is the closest to his age but the rest of us have a few years between us. I'm five years behind my next youngest sister and nearly twenty behind Scyllian.”

Martin frowns at this. 

"Then your father is also..."

"Basically a stranger to me," she says. 

"What about Sky?"

Anemone smiles. 

"Natalis is a tyrant but thankfully she allowed us to go on holidays. Every winter, we travel south to an island we own. If he's near enough and able, my brother joins us there. His tales of the mainland were the highlights of my childhood." 

She sighs. 

"Sadly, Natalis has never allowed the rest of us to set foot upon land beyond the island, that is."

"Natalis is in charge, then?" Martin asks.

Anemone nods. 

"She has ruled Thassos since the day Scyllian left. There are many Mer-folk who have known no other leader."

"Will she be glad to give up the role, do you think?" Martin asks carefully.

Linking her arm through Martin’s once more, Anemone leads the way, down the hall to the library. 

"No, I don't think so," she says. "In fact, I think she rather enjoys being 'Queen.' She's quite as powerful as mother, you know, a real sea-witch. It's very bad form to use our voices to make others do things against their will. In fact, it's against our laws but she certainly could if she wanted to."

Anemone changes the subject after that and they enter the library, a vaulted space with curving, tri-level walls lined with shelves and packed floor to ceiling with books. 

If Martin’s twin brother, Noah were here in his place, this room might be enough to convince him to leave the surface world behind for good. 

But he's not here, though and while the library is magnificent, Martin’s thoughts and attention are elsewhere.

Something wasn't adding up. 

If Natalis knew her father was alive all along, burdened by his half of the amulet and kept away from Thassos by the same curse that banished Sky, why had she not shared this knowledge with her siblings? 

Why not explain her father's innocence and have him join them on their 'island holidays?' 

Even if he couldn't return home, at least Anemone and her sisters would have grown up knowing their father and Sky wouldn't have had to bear the guilt of thinking he'd caused his father's death. 

"Martin?"

He realises Anemone has asked him a question and winces. 

‘It seems my manners are really not up to royal standards.’

"I'm sorry. What did you say?"

She giggles. 

"You must really like books. We've been here quite a while and I was wondering if we ought to get back before they send out a search party. You'll have plenty of time to read once you embrace the sea. As Scllian’s consort, your duties won't include much beyond... Well, you shall have plenty of time to do what you wish."

Martin frowns.

‘I thought Sky had cleared up this matter already.’

"We're not staying," he says. "Once your mother is free, we're returning to the land."

Anemone smiles easily. 

"Of course. Well, let's get back to it, then."

She takes his hand but Martin resists her pull. 

"Anemone, wait. You understand, don't you? I have four children and a family. I can't stay."

Her smile fades a little. 

"But if you could forget them, you could be happy here, couldn't you?"

Affronted by the question, Martin releases her hand. 

"How would I 'forget' my children? They're my life."

She tilts her head to the side and raises her hand to touch the side of my face. 

"Easily enough. Natalis is powerful, as gifted as mother. But she's got nothing on me. I have to be careful every time I open my mouth and it's quite difficult to control myself sometimes."

Surprised, Martin backs away from her.

"My brother belongs here," she says softly. "You can see that, can't you? How easily he fits in. How happy he is."

"Yes," he admits. 

Skylar was more at home in the palace than anywhere I'd seen him yet, which made sense because...

"But he won't stay without you," Anemone continues. "You could be happy, too, if you'd only give it a chance."

"I thought you were the one who wanted to see the surface?" he asks, confused and alarmed as Anemone's face pales, all trace of humor vanishing and tears making her wide eyes sparkle like sea-green stars.

"I do," she whispers. "But we cannot escape our duty or our fate and mine is here. Yours is here, too, isn't it?"

Far too late, it occurs to Martin that he  should cover his ears.

"I'm not sure."

"It is," she says softly but with a certainty that leaves no room for doubt. "You and Scyllian are destined for this place. You have a past and a family but you can leave them behind without guilt. No one will miss you, anyway. Will they?"

A painful memory flashes through Martin’s mind. 

A needle in his hand as he stands at his father's back and then over his body, unsure if he had killed him.

The look of shock and pain, fear and anger, an unforgiveable betrayal. 

"No. No one will miss me," he hears himself say.

"And you are happy with Scyllian, aren't you? Wherever he is, you are happy to be with him."

"Yes. They say home is where the heart is and your brother has my heart."

Anemone nods. 

She smiles but tears overflow the rims of her eyes and Martin don't understand why.

"Good," she says. "You are welcome here, Martin Hunter. You are safe and happy and loved. And you are free. You may do as you wish and worry no more. Isn't it wonderful?"

A sense of profound peace washes over him, at the same time, Martin feels as if he has walked into a room with a list of Very Important Things To Do in his head and forgotten every one of them.

"Yes," Martin agrees. "It is wonderful."

"Good." 

Anemone smiles, though it seems she also weeps and takes his hand. 

"Let us return to the others, then. Scyllian is waiting."

"Of course," Martin says and allows her to lead him from the room, shaking his head and laughing at himself under his breath.

Thassos is perfect, after all. 

Why would he ever want to leave?

[velvethopewrites]

Ten Lines Tag Game

Thanks for the tag @startanewdream! Are these from posted works or WIPs? Hmm. This made me realize I haven’t posted a damn thing in an entire year (almost) so I’ll do both. 😬

Rules: Share the first lines of your ten most recent fics (or as many as you like if you don't have 10) and then tag some people.

From Crossroads:

The one thing about grief, Harry thought, was that it had no time limit. No rhyme nor reason, either. Indeed, it seemed to thrive on showing up and popping in whenever it felt like it.

From Loving is A Journey:

Ginny weeps at the funerals only.

She cries so hard for Fred - gut-wrenching, body-sobbing tears that she is embarrassed to think about. Then she cries for Tonks, knowing she will never see her friend's funny faces again. And finally, for Professor Lupin and his short, painful life. Ginny even cries a little bit for Teddy, who is of course, not dead, but now an orphan. His is a life that has barely begun but is already filled with so much pain. And it is pain that will wait for him until he is old enough to comprehend it.

From my unpublished first destiel, Accidentally On Purpose:

Sleeping together. Literally sleeping. (One half of them, at any rate)

Together.

The first time it happened, it happened sort of by accident. (Dean hated to think it had happened on purpose, but then again who knew about these things…)

(I admit I am not happy with the start of this fic at all and it has been re-worked 10,000 times until I wept and gave up, hence the ‘unpublished’, and me not posting for a year)

And from my other unpublished destiel, Two Guys & Some Pie:

Ah, yes. Early morning. That time of day that poets loved to wax…well, poetical about.  From the “fresh” start of the day, and the cherished alone time, to singing the praises of that sweet indulgence of the first cup of coffee. Not to mention the stanzas dedicated to the quiet, yet somehow musical sounds of the city just waking up, and the near ethereal sight of the sunrise breaking across the sky in various hues of purple and pink as the image warmed your soul and let you know your place in the world.

Dean, however, was not a poet.  He knew that all of that was complete bullshit.

From my unpublished (probably forever) original mystery story, simply going by the working title ‘Canyon Mystery’. (Great title, I know)

Hi. I’m Disney Jacobs. No, I don’t go by ‘Diz’ or anything else even resembling a nickname. Just Disney. And that’s enough. Yes, my parents were Disneyland freaks. Well, my mom was. She’d take us every year, until she got too sick to travel, but that’s another story. And the us refers to me, my older sister, and my younger brother. Yep, that’s right, I’m the trouble making middle child. The middle child with the weird name. My two siblings were given normal, run of the mill names. Heather and Aaron, to be precise. I’ve often wondered about the private bet my parents clearly had running and why Dad only lost it that one time (he got to name Heather and Aaron; me, not so much).

And I tag whomever wants to do it since no one does my tags, anyway, lol well, okay I’ll tag @late-to-the-fandom but I am fairly sure they’ve done it already, lol

[socalwriterbee]

Better In Time Chapter 4.5: Freakum Dress

Check out chapter 4 here

Choices Book: The Nanny Affair

Series: Better In Time

Chapter Title: Freakum Dress

Pairing/Character Appearance: Marie Castro (MC) x Wyatt Kent (OC) with appearances by Olive and Bridgette

Word Count: 2,173

Rating: General, Some Adult Language and Situations

Series Summary: For two years Marie thought Sam would change, be the man she wanted and the father she knew he could be. But broken promise after broken promise, Marie leaves the city she has come to know and the man she fell in love with. Moving across the country back to her home state of California, needing to put the ghosts of her past behind her and move on with her life. Meeting someone new was out of the question until one day on the beaches of Malibu she meets a handsome stranger she befriends.

Chapter Summary: A month and a half after Marie's first date with Wyatt, she goes out for a girls day with his sister and friend in search for the perfect dress to wear to Bridgette and Daniel's Wedding.

A/N: Friendly reminder that this series has 3 POV’s Marie’s, Wyatt’s and Sam’s. This Chapter will be Marie's POV.

A/N 2: This chapter was created to extend chapter 4 (which was long, sorry) and help lead into the major events of chapter 5.

A/N 3: Apologies in advance for any errors in spelling and such.

Some Characters/Settings/Storylines used or mentioned belong to Pixelberry

Enjoy!

💚💚💚👗💚💚

Wyatt’s lips pressed against the pulse along the side my neck, the scruff of his beard tickling the delicate skin. A low moan escaping from my lips, I could feel Wyatt smile before he presses another kiss on my neck.

“How much time do we have before my sister and friend show up?” He asks.

His lips on mine again, not letting me answer. It has been like this between us for the last month and a half, kisses, hands roaming over bodies but nothing more happening. Anytime Wyatt’s hands or lips traveled to the most intimate part of my body or mine over his, one of us would pull away. 

Something in the back of our minds stopping us from taking it further or at least that is what I thought.

Both of us sexually frustrated, Wyatt may say him more than me but that was debatable. Was this something we should just do and move on, see what is waiting for us once we cross that line? Probably but I want this relationship to be different, different from the lust that turned into something more. 

“They may be pulling up as we speak.” I answer in between kisses.

If that was true Olive and Bridgette would find Wyatt and I in an interesting position, he was standing between my legs while I sat on his kitchen island. The thin strap of my light blue summer dress off my shoulder and halfway down my arm, the hem riding up my thighs inches away from exposing what I was wearing underneath it.

Wyatt’s blue eyes turn dark. “I could be quick.” His hand roaming over my skin, the corner of his mouth turning up with a slight smirk, realizing the words he just spoke.

I press my forehead against his chest. “I’m not sure if that is a good thing.” I release with a chuckle.

“Figured that wasn’t very smooth once those words left me. But it would definitely make you crave more.”

Wyatt hooks his finger under my chin making me look up at him. “Cancel on them and I’ll do the same with the guys.”

“The guys and my father you mean.”

Since the day after our first date my dad has been trying to get Wyatt to go to a ball game at Chavez Ravine and to no avail not because Wyatt didn’t want to but things came up and they were both rescheduling their date as if making me a third wheel that Sunday hadn’t been enough.

Yeah, there had been no church as I suspected we had gone out for brunch but when that hadn’t worked because the wait was too long, Wyatt and my dad had spotted a sports bar and we hopped over to it. Beers, wings and such covered our table as they bonded over the Dodgers. I wasn’t completed forgotten, every once in a while I’d get the hand squeeze or that breathtaking smile before something hoot and hollering worthing happened.

Today was going to be different, Wyatt and the guys, my father included, were driving down the 5 to Anaheim to catch the inter-league game between the Dodgers and Angels. Dodger blue tore through the sea of red whenever those two played against each other so it was going to be guys night.

And well for me, I was going shopping with the girls and after that we were going to pamper ourselves at the spa. Shopping for a dress to wear to in the upcoming month or so to a wedding. 

A wedding invitation that had been forced out of Wyatt one night. Olive and Bridgette wouldn’t stop until he asked and I felt bad to say something other than yes.

So here we were, waiting for the two of them to pick me up so we could find a dress that I would wear to Bridgette’s wedding.

“You still ok with me attending?” My question had a little doubt behind it as I asked.

I close my eyes at the touch of his hand cupping my the side of my face when I open them I see the sincerity in his clear blue eyes the same look when I asked him that same question when we had been alone.

“Yes. I wouldn’t want you anywhere else but with me that day. I wanted to make sure you were ok with it, you know with us being so new and all.”

I let out a breath that I was holding and smile at him. Yeah, I wanted to be there with him to live in the moment of being surrounded by love, by family, by him. “Same. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else that day.”

Pulling Wyatt closer, I press my lips to his, kissing him tenderly.

“Go freshen up, those two should be barging in any minute now.”

Without saying another word, I hop off the counter and make my way to the washroom as I begin to walk away I feel a sudden sting radiating from my backside.

What in the hell, Wyatt just smacked my ass! 

“Hey!”

I looked back at him with a look that could kill and what I received in return had me turning that stare into a laugh.

He was lucky I liked him, liked him a lot and that wink and mischievous smile he just gave me added more to that like.

******

My lips pursed at the dress on the hanger, if you can call it that, whatever fabric it has would barely cover ones most intimate areas. Surprised to find something like that at this boutique Olive and Bridgette brought us to. Not giving it another thought I slide it away and move onto the next one.  

“What about this one?” 

A slightly horrified looked took over Olive’s face as she was taking in the silk black dress in her hand before returning it to the rack. “At this rate, we are not going to find anything. This is like shopping at a store meant for twenty year olds with small waists and perking boobs.”

“Speak for yourself Ollie, these dresses are hot!!” Bridgette squealed. “Marie would look freaking hot in one of these. I’m sure Wyatt wouldn’t let her leave the house with a dress like this on.”

I swear Bridge wasn’t a normal bride, she was picking things that would have me popping out of the dress as if I were going to a night club in Vegas, not a formal wedding.

“And here you are picking it for her to wear on your wedding day.”

“Tell me you and Wy were up to no good before we arrived! You were there awfully early or maybe you had spent the night.” Bridgette’s words had a crimson blush creep up my cheeks “You know the kind of bad you have to ask for forgiveness come Sunday.”

Olive gagged at the thought “Good god Bridge! I don’t want to know what my brother does behind closed doors.”

“Nothing has happened between us. We are taking it slow.” I inform them.

“The fact that you were cocked blocked by none other than your father has nothing to do with it?”

Olive covers her ears to avoid hearing about mine and Wyatt’s sex/life, or lack there of. “I don’t want to hear it. Not what he does behind closes doors or anything intimate for that matter.”

A howling laugh comes from Bridgette and myself at Bridge’s next words. “Clearly he’s not doing Marie here.

“That’s a good one.” I tell Bridgette before standing up, walking up to a hunter green dress that has caught my eye. “I’m glad we could find something that embarrasses Olive.”

Olive gives me an evil stare at my words.

Bridgette shows me a red dress for me to approve of as I walk by, I press my lips together and shake my head no. But that doesn’t stop her from adding it to the try-on pile.

“Oh, before I forget I need to get your place holder written out. Wyatt has told me to lay off it but  I’m gonna need your last name.”

Right, I think, it’s not like a could go on forever with just Marie. It’s not like I’m Adele or something. “I’m surprised you haven’t pried it out of Wyatt. And is that all you want my last name for?” I asked with a smirk. 

“Of course..why else—.” Bridgette said as it dawned on her. “I’m gonna kill him.”

“Castro.”

“Marie Castro.” Olive says my name.

“Yes. Marie Castro.” Confirming my name to them. I watch as the wheels turn in their heads glancing at each other then back at me. “Go ahead, google it, I’ll wait.” I run my fingers over the dress, it is beautiful and more appropriate for a wedding.

“We won’t do that.” Olive answered for both of them. 

Looking over my shoulder and giving them a look that tells them that I don’t believe them.“It’s ok. Really, I don’t mind that much, which is saying a lot from where I was.”

“Olive’s right we won’t. You just said you don’t mind that much, so you still mind some what.”

Shaking my head at them. “I think I found what I’m going to wear.” I twirl the dress in front of them. “While I try it on, you can search and ask questions if you’d like.”

Mentally kicking myself but that quickly disappears, they are bound to find out and it’s better they learn the truth from me than believe the tabloids. Every possible scenario plays in my mind of what could happen as we make our way to the dressing rooms.

I try and remember everything that had been written about me, about Sam, about our time together, the only thing I refused to read was what was written once it got out that Sam and I were no longer together but I could put a good guess on what it could be.

Removing my summer dress and letting it fall, I stand there staring at my reflection waiting for the gasps and the oh my gods. But there is nothing, not a peep.

Silence.

Were they too stunned to speak? Did they walk out and leave me there? Was Olive thinking Wyatt was better off without me?

I quickly step into the hunter green dress, it was sophisticated, full sleeved, full length. It covered everything in the front up to my clavicle. There was a high slit that stopped just before exposing the right side of my hip. Turning my back to the mirrors, brushing my hair to the side to expose the low cut back that stopped at the waist.

“Olive? Bridge?” I call out.

“Come out already and show us.” Olive’s bubbly voice comes through the closed door.

I reach for the handle of the door, taking a deep breath in before twisting and pushing the door open for them to see. There is a silence between us, like a stare down of sorts as I make my way out and stand on the podium. 

“Here let me, you forgot the zipper.” Bridgette calls out. The side zipper closes and gives the dress that snatched waist look. “This is perfect.”

Seeing Olive nod in agreement behind us from the reflection of the mirror, I let out a laugh. “What about that whole rack of dresses or that the pant suit—.”

Bridgette playfully smacks my arm. “God no, you are not wearing a pant suit to my wedding Marie.”

“What’s that look for?” Olive asks.

Biting the bottom of my lip, I hesitate at how silly my words are going to sound. There is this feeling that courses through me that once I begin to share my past, it begins to chip away to let me enjoy my present and my future.

“I thought you left after reading about me. That you would think that your brother would be better off without all the drama and baggage I carry.”

Reaching for my hand Bridgette gives me comforting squeeze. “We wouldn’t. I’m not gonna lie and stand here and say that I didn’t want to know where you looked familiar from. Wyatt’s a big boy and if he wants you or doesn’t want you in his life, he’d tell you. When and if you want to share what brought you back home, Olive and I will be here.”

“Thank you.” I give both women a weak smile.

“Now, if this dress doesn’t make Wyatt drag you away from us that night then something is really wrong with him.”

“God, not this again.”

“It’s called a freakum dress for a reason Olive and heaven only knows how long it’s been for the both of them.”

The three of us laugh, standing in front of the mirror bonding over a shopping trip and later that day at the spa as my time in New York was shared with Olive and Bridgette with no judgement in sight.

tags: @thenannyaffair-fanfics @txemrn @issabees @nikirennie87 @choicesficwriterscreations @chemist-ana

[mehusalah]

So today I suddenly had my period which is really rare since I haven't had my period for like a year if not more but suddenly now I do and I am bleeding to my death here and now I am just 15 I don't have much experience in putting on a pad because I never had many days were I had to put on a pad and I had my period like early in the morning but I only noticed it at around 6 am because that's when I had woken up so immediately took a bath and changed my clothes can tried to put on a pad I wanted to ask my older sister for help but she was asleep so I put one pad on my underwear myself which wasn't enough so I put on another one and this time I thought it was enough that I have done it properly but guess what? I hadn't since my sister who had woken up saw the period stains on my clothes and what she did? Started yelling she didn't even try to explain to me that I had stains on my clothes and that I didn't put my pad on properly no she just yelled at me and told me to change my pad and while I was changing my pad she was just there still complaining and yelling I did try to explain myself that I wasn't my fault that I even put two pads on to make sure it doesn't happen but it happen and guess what she did? Yelled at me more because the two pad I had used were her big and high quality one that she had saved so things like traveling or going to party while she had her period and now they are wasted... Like I am sorry I used your high quality pads that don't do their job at all and still cause period stain like it's totally my fault that I am not a professional at using pads like I am sorry you are seven years older then me so have more experience in using pads I should have just been born sooner so I could have more experience so obviously I started crying because my stomach is already in enough pain and now she just won't shut up like listen for a moment like try and understand the worst thing about this she didn't even looked at me like I was trying to convince her to just look and see for herself if I put the pads properly on or not but she kept refusing and when she finally decided to look she was silent for moment because she knew I put the pad on correctly the way she does because she is the one who taught me how to put the pad on but still she did kept complaining this time more silently but she did said sorry after a bit like wow your sorry fixed everything every single one of my tears has rolled back in my eyes again thank you for your understanding but you know I can't even tell if she is guilty on not because she out her happily smiling and talking with her friends and neighbors like do you even feel guilt? How can you speak so happily after making the one you share blood with cry so much because you were 'confused' and didn't realize it wasn't my fault like sure you were confused then why didn't you listened when I tired to explain why didn't you look when I begged you so

[frogsandfries]

I have never experienced much attachment to the places I've lived. I've never gotten sad over leaving a city or neighborhood.

At least not while I was living in Wisconsin. Even in 2018, when I bounced from Oregon, when I'd never strayed much further from Wisconsin than just tippy toes over the state line to Illinois; then pretty quickly to Arizona.

I don't really miss either of those places, just that I'd give almost anything to really relish the Pacific coast beach sand beneath my feet, at least once.

I've had an incredibly hard time being back in Wisconsin after what was going to be five years in New Mexico. I miss everything. I miss the air traffic. I miss the mountains. I miss the sky. I miss the dry. Hell, I miss the gunshots in the middle of the night, the sounds of drag racing. I miss the food. I miss the giant blood clots in my nose, a combination of the dry, thin air and a blood vessel I busted horribly in middle school. Every time I walk fast through a grocery store, I'm reminded that I'm no longer home.

I'd never felt homesickness until this summer.

I felt so horribly homesick, I still suffer from derealization at points. Like, being in Wisconsin is so horrible, it can't possibly be the truth. It just can't be reality.

I don't know what to do about it. Every time I try to tell my sister just a little of it, she acts a little hurt that I don't find her house my home. I don't know if she's ever felt this way about a place. She's traveled to Spain and Italy; she lived in Poland for about a year for her job. She's been to maybe a little more of the US than I have. She says she doesn't want to live anywhere besides Wisconsin. She says she hates New Mexico, that it's dry and brown.

It's more than dry and brown. It's beautiful. It's so beautiful to me. The sunsets are breathtaking every day; and the few sunrises I saw made me wish I was a morning person. New Mexico is red and fuchsia and gold and tangerine and violet and lavender. New Mexico is tumble weeds and road runners and drag racing and hot air balloons.

Ever since I was really little, I fantasized about living in the mountains.

I've had a fascination with hot air balloons for a long, long time.

New Mexico was where I really learned and realized that I really could be completely independent, and I could have my own cats for the first time in my life and I could hold down a job and pay my own rent all by myself and never have to ask family or friends to help me with anything.

What if I die in some freak circumstance, here in Wisconsin, having never seen New Mexico again in my life? What if I just never get back into a situation where I can go back to my home?

My seasonal depression has been killing me: All summer, it rained constantly and now it's stopped raining, but I'm further up the globe than I have been in four years and the change to the amount of daylight adds up day after day. New Mexico was also very gentle on my seasonal depression, which, if that's not enough to make one fall in love with a place, I can't imagine much more. I'm still so freaking proud and pleased, last winter, I spent the least amount of time being depressed since my depression first began. And I'm paying for it with interest this year......

Worst of all, to compound it all, I was supposed to be here to help my sister with her mortgage, and simultaneously improve my savings. I'm not financially helping with her mortgage, and I'm not earning enough money to even get the basics for myself, never even mind saving.

On top of that, my cat is miserable and stressed out. She's in such a bad state, she's even hissing at her brother--you know, the one and only brother that she's always had and always lived with? She growls at me when I try to pick her up or if I hold her too long or touch her while she eats. We were going to brush her teeth today, but even with a handful of her scruff, she was still screaming and growling.

I'm not sure if it's just that she's reading me and how unhappy I am, or what, but she's just absolutely not adjusting and it's killing me. In fact, the opposite. She's getting more stressed and more unhappy, which is--to undersell--destroying me.

And perhaps lastly, I was telling my sister I'm thinking about getting a tent for my bed. I've also been thinking about giving up the bedroom and just condensing down to the office. But that's crazy talk. If I put the bed in the office, a) I'm just going to have to move it again if I ever actually work from home again and b) that room is going to get real small, real fast.

The biggest reason I've been thinking about moving fully into the office is: This bedroom is a lot of space to try to climate control. If I got a bed tent, I wouldn't have to worry about heating or cooling the whole room, or sleeping with my face exposed to the cold. In most cases, I probably wouldn't even need a heating blanket. But this is fucking absolutely wild, how cold it gets in here, and it's only October. I need a whole new wardrobe, and I'm sick to death at the thought of it because where the hell am I going to find some decent sweaters??

If I'd just fucking.....known how fucking miserable I'd be, trapped out here in the middle of fucking nowhere. At least Albuquerque isn't nowhere. The public transit system might be garbage, but it exists. And even in the dead of winter, all I needed was a sweater or two. My apartments all stayed warm enough.

I think I'm causing my cat to continue to be stressed out and unable to settle into her new home with her new neighbors......

[purplesurveys]

1865

New tats in your near future? Unless it's a medical necessity, I intend to keep needles as far away from my skin as much as possible haha.

How about piercings or re-piercings? Nope.

Are there any rooms in your house that you don’t go into every day? I certainly don't go up the rooftop these days because this summer season has been the WORST out of my 26 years of existence and because this 45ºC weather can actually fucking kill.

Who else do you know who has the same favorite color as you do? My sister also likes purple.

Have you ever had a tattoo covered up or added to? I don't have tattoos.

Have you ever kissed someone who has previously kissed someone you hated? No.

Do you have any relatives with red hair? No, not even dyed red hair.

What is tomorrow’s weather forecasted to be like? 43ºC, so we'll be miserable as usual.

Have you ever known anyone who committed suicide? Yes.

What’s some of the worst pain you’ve ever felt? Stomach cramps that came with a particularly bad episode of food poisoning; my hair being bleached; leg cramps that were bad enough to wake me up crying without realizing I've started crying; that brief exact moment I sprained my ankle on my 24th birthday.

What’s your favorite kind of pasta? Fettuccine is sooooo satisfying to eat. 

Would you rather a friend come over to your house or you go over there? Me coming over to their place. There's so much pressure that comes with entertaining guests lol like you want to make sure they're not too feeling hot because the last thing you want to see is them sweating, that there's more than enough food to serve, that the house smells nice, that they have indoor slippers so their socks don't get dirty, that you have enough activities to choose from in case they want to do something fun...it's great once you're in the moment but stressful during the prepping period haha. Maybe it's just the Filipino hospitality in me.

Have you ever had rabies? Nope. I did need to take anti-rabies shots before when my dog bit me.

Do you know anyone who ever had to get a rabies shot? Meeeeeeeeee. A few other people as well, yeah.

Ever eaten deer? Duck? Squirrel? How about lamb? I've had duck and lamb.

What is your favorite parody movie? I remember enjoying This Is Spinal Tap. Johnny English is another one.

What is your least favorite ice cream flavor? Anything with nuts. Rocky Road and Double Dutch is a no-no.

Does your car have heated seats? We have no use for that feature.

Have you ever been tempted to steal? Nah.

Would you rather travel to Ireland or Japan? Ireland.

Does tickling turn you on? Nope.

If you could go over to someone’s house right now, whose and why? If I absolutely had to, just Angela's. They're practically my second family + I can always accompany her while she's reviewing for boards.

What is the age gap between you and your parents? 27 years.

How many bathrooms does your house have? Is this enough? Two. Yes.

Have you ever video-chatted with someone you met online? Yes, video calls with Carley was routine when I was in high school. I never talked out of shyness and was just happy to nod and laugh to her stories, but she seemed more than okay with that which was very sweet in retrospect.

Do you collect anything, or have you ever? I used to collect Beyonce everything, then it turned to collecting One Direction everything, then now it's BTS everything.

When was the last time you used Facebook? 1 hour ago.

How many siblings does your best friend have? She's an only child.

Have you ever dated someone who was emotionally or mentally unstable? Yes.

Be honest: are you clingy? I used to be but not anymore. I loooooooooooove my space.

Have you ever had bronchitis? Nope.

Have you ever had a reptile for a pet? No.

Are you afraid of the dentist? No. I've only ever had positive experiences at the dentist and all of the ones I've been to have had super super light hands.

Did you attend Sunday School as a child? Thank fuck I was never made to attend.

Who was the last person you cuddled with? Uhm my ex, a lifetime ago.

How would you feel if your significant other (or possible partner) told you they dislike having sex, but do so with you to make you happy, even though they personally think it’s a chore? This is the case with me actually. Sex is fun for me but historically it had been a struggle to get my drive up. The incompatibility with my past partner definitely could've been one of the reasons it didn't work out.

Your boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t around but their phone is. Do you look through it? I used to before but only to mess around. I never had any malicious or sneaky intent. Like genuinely all I wanted to do was drop a playful tweet on their Twitter account or to play a game that they had LOL. Never had the desire to look through messages or anything more private.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? Nope.

Have you ever liked anyone that was in a relationship with someone else? No.

Do people ever compliment your eyes? Not my eyes but my eyelashes, since they're long.

Have any of your exes ever given you roses? Yeah.

Do you think your last ex ever thinks about you? No.

Would you rather have salad or french fries for a side dish? Fries.

Which one of your relationships was the shortest? I've only been in one relationship, so that technically counts as both the shortest and longest by default.

Which was the longest? ^ That.

Have any of your exes told you they regret breaking up with you? No, she seemed very happy with their decision as she stopped talking to me as soon as we had our final conversation. She was happy, 100%.

That fucked with me mentally for a very long time, still does from time to time like a random slap in the face; but I've stopped fixating on it. My mind is stronger now and I'm in a much happier place myself, have been for a very long time.

Would you feel hurt if your last ex is in a relationship? No.

Are you going to be getting any new pets soon? I don't think so.

Do you like BBQ sauce? I love barbecue sauce holy shit. Especially on my pizza.

What do you like to do when you’re home alone? Whatever I like to do even when there's people haha. It doesn't change.

Should the guy always pay for the date? No, eugh.

What kind of music calms you down? Depends on my mood.

Do you know anyone who has autism? I don't think so.

What is your favorite way to eat eggs? I love most ways tbh EXCEPT fried. I hate when the edges are all crisp and burnt it feels like eating paper lol.

Do you like Frozen? No, I was always on Team Tangled.

Who is one of your heroes? I don't have any.

Do you enjoy hot chocolate? There's only one kind I look for, which I get from La Creperie.

Do you use Instagram often? Everyday.

If you got a kitten, what would you name it? Hard to tell, it'd depend on their personality.

Do you have a Pinterest account? Nope. I use it for work when I need pegs and such, but only use a guest account.

Do you prefer a quiet or noisy environment? Again, it depends. Am I on a dinner out with friends? It'd be great if it's somewhere noisy so it can help drive up my social battery. Am I on a tight deadline with a press release needed in 30 minutes? Absolutely need all the quiet I can get.

What is one question you don’t like being asked? First world stuff. I don't have a last thing I bought from Walmart, and no I haven't been to any states because I have a shitty third world passport that requires me to get a visa to travel 70% of the world lol.

Who is someone you know who is talkative? Yes. I'm in the PR industry. Everybody is talkative, including myself LOL.

When was the last time you saw one of your uncles? At lunch today.

Do you know anyone who plays the violin? I have a very distant cousin who does. An orgmate does too. I think Hannah or Michelle? I'm blanking out on who it actually is.

Do your parents enjoy any of the things that you enjoy? Do you bond over these things? I share the same appreciation for food as my dad.

Out of all your usernames for websites, which one is your favorite? Do you use it for more than one site? The one for my Twitter. Yes, I recycle it quite a lot.

Have you ever spent the whole day (or multiple days) just looking up one thing on the internet (e.g., videos of your favorite band, how-to videos, quizzes, etc.)? Yes. I LOVE getting into black holes like that haha.

If someone told you that we live in a society that hates women, how would you respond? I'd ask them how they feel about it so I would know how to treat and deal with them going forward. A test question, essentially lol.

Can you remember the last thing you thought and subsequently thought, “wow, I really shouldn’t be thinking that”? Yes. But it will stay in my head, sorry haha.

[eurydicerue]

From the Archive: July 15, 2014

 I really wish I could go study abroad and see beautiful churches and study in the university library and experience winter in a place where it’s really cold.

I wish I could spend my days learning new things and connecting with professors, and my nights meeting new people on campus and figuring out what I want to be.

I wish I had the luxury of new books every term and being stressed out about finals.

But I can’t get any financial aid, and I don’t have any money, so instead I’m working a minimum wage job in the hopes that I might be able to take a couple classes a term at the local community college.

I want to experience being around people my age who are excited about learning and dedicated to becoming something more. The community college atmosphere just isn’t that. Everyone’s kind of embarrassed to be there. Everyone’s just trying to get somewhere else.

I have all these girls I knew in high school who have more money, and they are all going to beautiful universities and studying abroad.

One girl is going to the University of Dallas. She trekked the Camino de Santiago, a 764k journey from France to Santiago! She posted photos along the way that looked absolutely healing, like a grassy Monet.

Another girl is going to the University of Malibu, she joined a sorority and studied abroad in London. She would post pictures all bundled up in a beautiful coat next to the classic red telephone booth, or grinning with the friends she made there.

Another girl is going to the University of California Berkeley. She spent a month  in Dublin visiting cafes and leaning over miles-high bluffs, and is now going to Paris- Paris! To study there.

And another is at Boston College, making new friends and going to campus events. In the Winter, she posted pictures of the beautiful old grounds that looked like Hogwarts during Christmas.

If only! I’m struggling just to pay the bills for the little house I live in with my two sisters, ten minutes from my parent’s house, ten minutes from work. Oh! My life has such small parameters. I wish to do some adventuring, some real learning. I realize now that this ache inside me to go to a university, to learn and to be independent and travel, is something that’s been sitting there for longer than I could have known.

My reading list for this year was simply an attempt to console myself for the learning I’ve missed since I can’t afford going to school. I added texts like Anna Karenina and Ulysses in an attempt to get some classic literature in there, in an attempt to sew my own mind closer to the beautiful grounds of East coast campuses.

I wish to write, to read, to kick up leaves at the beginning of the Fall semester and cram for finals in a cramped dormitory. To study with school chums and have adventures to remember... but it feels like I’m doing next to nothing with my life. Meanwhile, my other friends got a letter from Harvard saying they noticed his high SAT scores and wanted to encourage him to look at them. I didn’t even take my SAT!

 I don’t know, guys. I’ve entered the struggle of trying to remember to water my lawn and struggling to pick up enough shifts to where I can pay my bills. Luxury to me would be nights studying in a well-financed university library, mornings reading in a cute local coffeehouse, and a classical education. I can’t imagine the luxury of having your education as you “job.” Some people are so fortunate.

---------

I wrote this in (I think?) 2014. Almost 10 years later I’m graduating from a university and have had most of these experiences (still haven’t been to Europe, but I have traveled outside of the country). I am also working in a student outreach program to provide opportunities like the above to underprivileged students (like myself). I feel so fortunate to have gotten to have these experiences after all. It took a lot of determination, and a lot of work.

[buckys-black-dress]

i follow you (pretend you want me to)

a/n: hey guys. i know its been a reeaaaally long time but here we are with a nice lil best friends brother bucky fic! this is what happens when your best friend has a cute older brother but you know it'll never happen.

wc: 3k words

[ best friend's brother!bucky barnes x fem!reader ]

-

You never, ever, in all in your years, imagine you would find yourself in the position you're currently in.

As someone who only recently became local to the New York City area, your best friend Rebecca has been letting you stay at her place as a favor as you search for an apartment.

It's been a bit difficult so far, as the rent is insanely expensive and you've been extremely busy with your job as a new nurse.

The other part?

Oh, right.

The fact that Rebecca lives with her shy, albeit gorgeous, older brother, James.

You've been best friends with Rebecca for 3 years now, but you both clicked so easily from the beginning, like sisters. You would spend any free weekends traveling to New York to see her, which meant staying with James when he was there.

At first, you never realized that James himself was just a quiet guy. At times, his silence made you uneasy; like he was silently judging you.

But over time, you've come to realize he just kept to himself. He was also a big homebody, but he still has a solid friend group that he goes out with from time to time.

So back to the current situation.

Rebecca had an early class she had on Fridays, and she left while telling you to make yourself at home and raid the fridge for breakfast.

So, naturally, you asked James if he'd like some, as well.

And he agreed. So you got started on a breakfast spread that Rebecca could have some of when she got back as well.

"You made so much food, Y/N. Who's gonna eat all of this?" James comes out of his room, sweatpants hanging low on his hips and a white t-shirt that may be a size too small for him.

Good god. Why am I staying here? I really need to find my own place. Fast.

"Oh, well... I felt bad. So I thought I'd make enough for Becca when she got back. It's also a thank you for letting me stay here, I guess." You justify with a timid smile.

"You know you're always welcome here, Y/N." He smiles and you feel your heart stutter.

"Thanks, James. I really appreciate it. Anyways, the food's all ready if you wanna sit and eat?"

He nods and takes his place at one of the wooden stools on the other side of the counter and you slide a plate in front of him.

"So, Y/N, I never asked you about what happened when you got home?" James poses after a few minutes of silence.

He was referring to when while you were gone for a weekend coming to see Becca, but your mom had recently found out you had gotten a tattoo on a whim while you were out with friends one weekend.

Of course, you hid it from your parents, and while you were careful to not let it show, you knew the spot wasn't too hidden and it was only a matter of time until they saw.

Your mother saw it on a faithful afternoon, and from there it spiraled.

Your dad hated tattoos, but your parents had let you get one when you first turned 18 as a one-and-done deal.

Of course, one wasn't enough.

The tattoo was on your inner upper arm, placed delicately right in the crook of your underarm. You often had to look for it to see it. It was a small envelope with a heart sealing it. It was simple and cute, on a whim you decided to get it and you loved it.

Although you didn't think every tattoo had to have some deep meaning, this one was just for you.

But alas, while you were away for a weekend, your mother had decided to tell your father about it.

It was a good thing... and a bad thing.

On one hand, you knew he was going to be extremely upset with you.

But on the other, he had a few days to process what you did while you were still gone, and you hoped this would help him calm down a little bit before you got back.

While you were with Becca, James was the one who found you in a panic about the news when your mother told you that she told your father.

"Hey, you okay?" His voice comes from across the room.

Your form on the couch is quite the sight. Eyes, bulging and wide. Shoulders squared and tense. Not a hint of a smile on your face.

"Uh- I... I am not. But that's alright. I can deal with it later." You try to laugh it off.

"No, what's wrong? Maybe I can help." He offers, and you smile at that. You wonder how a while ago, you thought he hated you. He was just a quiet person.

"I just... I'm in trouble with my parents. I got a tattoo a while back and my mom saw it, and now she told my dad while I'm here. So I think I might get my ass kicked once I get back home." You explain with a nervous laugh.

"Oh... that really sucks. What's the tattoo?" He asks curiously, and you lift your t-shirt sleeve to point it out. "That's not so bad... trust me, I've seen much worse."

"Yeah, my parents just don't love tattoos and I was only supposed to have one that they allowed, but this one was just for me, you know?" You tell him.

"I get it... I mean, you're probably gonna still get more down the line, so maybe this is a good thing. Get them acclimated to them." James laughs, and it makes you crack a smile.

"Oh," you breathed out a laugh, "it was honestly fine. He got mad for a few minutes and kind of got over it. He would get pissed when I would wear shirts where you could see it but he's pretty much past it now."

"That's good. So does that mean it's okay if you get more, or they're still gonna give you a hard time?" He wonders.

"Funny, I've actually already gotten another since then. But it's also pretty small." It was kind of ironic how big of a deal your parents made, but they just decided you were never going to listen. So now, it was just best to do whatever you wanted.

Which was to get a bunch of tattoos.

"Really? Can I see?"

The question catches you off guard for a moment, not expecting him to be so eager to ask you to see the new ink.

"Oh! Sure, it's on my back, so let me just..." Your voice trails off, quickly turning away from him to lift the back of your t-shirt that you've slept in. "I think this one is my favorite so far." Your voice is weak, feeling exposed with your entire bare back out.

The tattoo was on your back, just below your left shoulder blade. It was a unique placement to you, the wording you've chosen going vertically rather than horizontally.

The script reads 'golden' in the most delicate cursive, written by your grandmother. It was your first tattoo that held sentimental value, and you loved it more than anything you've ever seen.

The silence hung in the air, and you could feel his eyes lingering on the one patch of ink on your back. You wish you could look at him and see what he if he had anything particular that could give away how he was feeling.

You wanted to speak, but there seemed to be too much tension that built in your throat.

When you almost got the courage to say something, you feel a light fingertip skate right over the spot. You're pretty sure all breathing stops.

Oh, now I'm not saying anything.

"It's... it's a beautiful tattoo. Suits you well." James' voice was low and raspy, and it made you shiver. As if him being in such close proximity to you was causing him physical pain.

"Thanks..." You struggle to catch your breath. What the hell is going on?

Not once, in all your years of knowing him, has James ever made it even seem like he had any interest in you. But now... now your head was spinning and his finger was still tracing over your skin and you can't fucking breathe.

"I- uh, sorry, I should start on these dishes." You nervously spit out, somehow forming a coherent sentence.

But as you move to get out of your chair, the same hand that was on your back a few, mere moments ago was now holding your wrist. It was as if his entire hand swallowed it.

Fuck.

"Y/N." He holds your gaze a little too intently, squirming under it.

"James..."

"Did I... was that uncomfortable? Did I go too far?" He sounded nervous, and you almost wanted to cry at how sincere he sounded.

"Oh, no! No, no, James, you- no, you're absolutely fine! I- I wasn't expecting it, and you touched me, which I don't think you've ever done it like that before, and it was just a lot-"

"A lot?" James' mouth is slanting into a grin and you hate how handsome he looks, you despise how devastatingly beautiful he is.

"Don't smile at me like that, you have never once in your life smiled at me in that way and I don't think I can survive this if you're making fun of me."

"Making fun of you? Y/N, I would never-"

"Oh you so would, don't even start with that."

"Well, I wasn't doing it this time! Jus' really like your... tattoo..." The uncertainty of his voice makes you pause your spiraling thoughts for a moment, and you have to take a good look at him.

"You like it?" You take your seat next to him again, facing him.

You were closer to him than you remember before.

"Well, more than like it, but whatever." He mumbles under his breath, his eyes trained on your face.

Your breathing practically stops at his confession, not knowing what to do with this information.

But it seems like he does. His vision has not once wavered from your eyes or lips.

Why is he looking at your lips like that?

"Can I kiss you, Y/N?" James' tone is quiet, intimate.

Oh. That's why.

"Yeah." You can barely strangle out of your throat, but you needed to say it before this opportunity slipped right out of your grasp.

And before you could even suggest that he didn't have to kiss you if he really didn't want to, you feel the breath escape your lungs as James places his lips upon yours.

They're chapped, a little rough, but you don't mind it one single bit. His hands come to envelop the sides of your face, and you think you could become a puddle on the stool, right there and then.

For a moment, you feel like none of this was real. What are the odds, your best friend's extremely cute older brother, who you've found attractive for some time now, is kissing you? The same one who has always acted indifferent around you? The one you thought saw you as nothing?

When you finally, (begrudgingly,) pull away from him, you have to take a moment to yourself; your eyes stay closed. Maybe this was all a dream and you've been imagining this whole thing.

"Open your eyes, Y/N. I wanna see those pretty E/C eyes." James doesn't demand, but his tone makes you want to open your eyes.

As your gaze is fixed on him, you wonder what he's thinking. What did he think of that kiss? Did he like it? Was it something he wanted to do again? Did he absolutely hate it and never wanted to see you again?

"I can sense you're spiraling in there, sweetheart. What's going on up there?" His hand is caressing the side of your face, and you feel like you could melt just there and then. A puddle on a stool in the kitchen is how Rebecca will find you when she gets back.

"I... I don't know. All I can think about is your hand on my face right now." Is what you can bring yourself to answer with right now.

"Do you like my hand being there? Or would you like me to move it?"

"No, please don't move it. I don't know what'll happen if you do." You sigh dramatically, and it elicits a smile from him.

"What do you mean?"

"What if you move your hand and suddenly I wake up and this was all some cruel dream? What if this isn't real and it's all in my head right now?" You ask, quite pathetically, you admit.

"It's not a dream, angel. I kissed you. You let me. And I think now would be the appropriate time for me to ask you something." James says gently, like the bubble around you two will burst if he speaks any louder.

Your brow furrows in question, and you nod for him to go on.

"Would it be alright if I asked you out? On a real date? I've been wanting to take you out for a while now... and I think now's a good time to ask." He smiles that smirk again, and you want to melt all over again.

"I would really, really love that, James." You feel like you're floating right now, like it's too good to be true. "Can I tell you something funny?" He nods.

"I've... I thought you were cute from the day I first met you. But you always acted so... indifferent around me, so I never thought I even stood a chance, and I kinda gave up on the idea you'd ever see me that way. But now... I think this is one of the best days of my life."

A moment of silence passes between you two.

"Y/N... the first time Becca introduced me to you, I thought to myself, 'She's the most gorgeous person I've ever seen.' And from that day on, I tried to find a way to talk to you, but I was just a wimp. But trust me, you were running circles 'round my mind from the first day." He confesses, and you feel the blush overtake your face at his confession.

"Really, James?"

"Really, Y/N." His smile makes you believe it.

"I knew it! I knew it, I was wondering when one of you wan gonna break!' Rebecca's voice comes from the doorway of the apartment, you and James breaking apart at the yell.

"Jesus, Reb, gonna give me a heart attack one day." James mumbles.

"Shut up! Don't try and change the subject! I knew you two had a thing for each other. Did you guys kiss? Oh my-" Her dramatics continue on, and you hold back the smile while rolling your eyes.

"Well, your brother here is going to take me out on a date. Happy?" You supply, hoping it'll calm her down.

Of course, it does the opposite.

"Really? Holy shit, didn't think you had it in ya, Jamie! Good job!"

"Rebecca... please. I'm two seconds away from tackling you to the ground."

"Try your best, big guy. I can handle it!" She replies, and you stifle your giggle as James moves up from his seat and starts towards his sister.

"No!" She shrieks, running away.

"You said you could handle it!" James' voice resonates from another room she ran into.

"I lied! Stop! Leave me alone! Y/N, help!"

"Sorry, Reb. I got nothin'!" You yell out, hoping she heard you.

"Oh, I see how it is, now that he told you he likes you you're taking his side!" She runs out, James hot on her heels.

"That's right!" He confirms, flashing you a quick grin as he runs.

"James, leave her alone. I have something for you!" You hope to catch his attention, and it works when he stops right in front of you.

"What's that, pretty girl?" His arms come on either side of you on the chair and countertop as you're sat sideways on the stool.

You don't speak, just pushing yourself up to meet his lips once again, feeling him melt into you as your hands lace behind his neck to pull him down even further.

"God, now I'm gonna have to get used to this." Rebecca fakes a gag at you two.

"Yeah, you better. She's not goin' anywhere." James replies without moving his eyes off of you. "C'mon, both of you, get ready. Gotta treat both my girls to a nice cup of coffee. Ten minutes!"

As you nod, you watch him walk into his room, and Rebecca just stares at you with a maniac smile. She moves towards you and wraps you in a bone-crushing hug.

"I'm so happy for the both of you. I can't believe he finally made a move." She tells you.

"You knew?"

"I could tell. He always had that look in his eyes when you weren't looking." Rebecca explains.

"What look?" You ask, bewildered.

"Y'know... the look. The look that you can't see, but everyone else can tell. He's got hearts in his eyes and angels flying around his head." She laughs.

You can't say anything, stunned by her words, but she just pats your shoulder and motions for you to get ready.

"C'mon, let's get you dressed, or we'll never hear the end of it from him."

"I heard that!" James' voice echoes from his room, and you both laugh.

As you walk into Rebecca's room, you can't help feel like you're finally whole. Like you aren't crazy, and that maybe... just maybe... there really is someone for everyone.

[collecting-stories]

Jolly Rancher - JJ Maybank

Request: Hey! Do you think you could do an imagine where the reader is Sarah’s twin and all the pogues are at a party or on the boat and her blood sugar drops really low (she has type one diabetes) and her pump keeps beeping. She is mid passing out, not feeling good and rafe has her Insulin so little bit of big brother rafe worried about his little sister and JJ and her not being together yet but he was super worried about her (like all of the pogues tbh). Thanks xxxx I really love your writing 🥺 every time you post something it makes my day

A/N: I did moderate research for this because the only person I actually know with diabetes is a cousin I don’t speak to. 

Outer Banks Masterlist

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

In hindsight, taking the Druthers out in the bay for a party after sunset wasn’t exactly the best idea you and Sarah had ever come up with. And yeah, technically, taking the boat out would have been totally fine and acceptable but none of you had considered bringing anything but alcohol with you. Six pogues (two honorary) on a yacht in the middle of the bay with just alcohol and weed. It was a bad combination in any version of the world but especially in this one, where you’d been pregaming white claw because you were finally, finally, gonna tell JJ how you felt about him.

The crush had been a saga ongoing since you had first discovered JJ Maybank, which coincided with discovering that boys, while terrible, were incredibly attractive. And sometimes...not too terrible. John B had started working for your family the summer before highschool and at the same time JJ started to pop up. Around the Druthers when John B was cleaning the boat, in a neighbor’s yard mowing the grass or cleaning the pool. And then at the Island Club. By then you’d started hanging out with Kiara and her friends and JJ wasn’t just some cute guy who was friends with John B.  

“Honey,” Kiara laughed, reaching for the can of Naturdays in your hand, “I think you need to slow down.”  

“I’m fine.” You promised, knee jerking rapidly as you gulped the rest of the drink down before Kiara could take it from you.  

You weren’t a heavy drinker. The last time you’d gotten drunk was in ninth grade, at a house party on the cut with Kiara. You’d guzzled down one too many Pabst trying to act cool in front of JJ and had ended up in the hospital in diabetic shock. Once everyone was sure you weren’t going to die, your father had laid into you about how irresponsible you were and how you had acted like a child. It was embarrassing, mostly because you were still saddled to a hospital bed and your friends were standing in the hallway, well within ear shot of Ward.  

After that, you stayed away from anything more than two drinks at a party and you always kept your insulin with you. Except, apparently, for tonight. You’d gotten yourself worked up over confessing your feelings to JJ and the possibility of rejection that you were well on the way to drunk. And your insulin was in your backpack, in Rafe’s truck.  

“You’re not fine.” Kiara laughed, “you’re like, buzzing.”

“Buzzing,” you offered her a dopey smile as you leaned forward, whirling your pointer finger around as you made buzzing noises and tried to poke her.  

“What the hell?” She swatted your hand away, “are you sure you’re okay?”

The commotion was enough to get Sarah’s attention and she turned away from John B to look over at the two of you. “You’re like vibrating babe,” Sarah said, “you’re really jittery.”

“Fine, I’m fine...I’m all good.” You promised, bracing your hand on Sarah’s shoulder as you went to stand up. You missed your footing, tripping over the air and hitting the deck before either Kiara or Sarah could catch you.  

“Oh my god!” Kiara got down on her knees next to you and helped you sit up, leaning partially against her. She pushed your shirt up so that she could check your pump and noticed realized it had been going off. “Hey, do you have like...something to boost her blood sugar? I think it’s dropping really low, I can’t really read this?”

“It’s definitely low.” You replied, hands shaking as you checked your pump, “yeah...too much...too much alcohol.”

“Where’s your insulin?” Sarah asked, crouching down so she could try to meet your eyes, “hey, look at me, where’s your insulin?”  

You hummed, a little too long before finally looking at Sarah, “uh, Rafe’s...shit, Rafe’s truck.”

“Are you kidding me? Fuck!” Sarah cursed, getting up to grab her phone so she could call him, “John B, can you take us back?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he nodded, heading for the ladder.  

“Here!” JJ pushed through Pope and Kiara, spilling the contents of his backpack onto the deck beside you. Amongst a change of clothes, some pilfered pens, his wallet, house keys, weed, a stick of deodorant, and a travel toothbrush, was a bag of jolly ranchers. He grabbed a green one out and unwrapped it, holding it out to you, “here, it’ll make you feel better.”

“You have a bag of jolly ranchers in your backpack?” Kiara asked incredulously.

“Of course,” JJ replied, “if her sugar drops she said one jolly rancher usually does the trick.”  

It was a stupid thing to smile about, especially since you were currently using Kiara to hold yourself up and sucking on green apple jolly rancher, but you couldn’t help it. You had mentioned that ages ago, the first time you went out with the pogues after your drunken night turned ER visit, as you sat on the dock next to JJ. You had doubted he’d even cared and been embarrassed afterward for just rambling on about yourself but he remembered.

“You remembered,” you said as JJ sat beside you, letting you lean on his shoulder as the yacht headed back to the dock.  

Sarah had gotten a hold of Rafe quicker than she expected. He was already talking when he answered the phone, telling her that he was on the way back from Topper’s. According to Rafe he turned his truck immediately, that was what he told you later, when you were feeling more like yourself again. That he’d realized your backpack was still sitting on the passenger seat and he did a u-turn right there in the middle of the street. You weren’t sure that was totally true, your older brother’s pension for dramatics and your family’s obsession with treating you like a baby.  

Usually, it felt stifling but right now you were feeling pretty shitty about yourself. The jolly rancher did exactly what it was supposed to, boosting your blood sugar enough that you were beginning to feel better.  

“What were thinking?” Rafe called the minute he boarded the Druthers, “you know alcohol makes your blood sugar drop!”

“I know, I know!” You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest. You’d moved from the floor to the couch, JJ leaving your side the minute your brother ran up the jetty. “I’m not a kid Rafe,” you muttered, grabbing your backpack from him.

“Really? Cause you left your bag in my truck and you’re out here drinking your ass off.” He snapped.  

“She’s okay,” Sarah urged.

“What if she wasn’t?”

“I am! And I’m right here!” You huffed, “Rafe, thank you and I know you were worried but I’m okay.”  

Rafe sighed, running a hand through his hair, “I’m not trying to be dad here...but you can’t take risks like that, you know better.”  

“I’m fine!” You slung your backpack over your shoulder and pushed passed Rafe, climbing down the ladder to the jetty. You’d apologize later, for now you were irritable and embarrassed and you just wanted to be back in your room, locked in where no one could see you and remind you how horrible this entire night was. The only decent thing that had happened was JJ but the more you let yourself psychoanalyze everything that happened the more you were positive that the pogues just saw you as a kid too. Like you couldn’t take care of yourself. Like you hadn’t been for the last ten years, since you were diagnosed.  

The Druthers said docked but you couldn’t tell from your bedroom window if everyone had gone home or if they were still hanging out and partying. You thought about texting Sarah but she would just tell you to come back down to the dock and stop pouting in your bedroom. You did your usual checks, to make sure your blood sugar had gone back up, and changed into comfier clothes. Even scrubbing off your makeup...you’d let this shitty feeling die before you saw anyone again.  

Or at least, that was the plan. As you were sitting in bed though, a knock at your window startled you. Not just a tap but a full-on knock. You climbed out of bed and went to the window, laughing when you saw JJ standing on the small balcony off your room.  

“What are you doing here?” You mouthed, reaching for the lock so you could open the window.

He pointed to his ear and then shrugged his shoulders, “I can’t hear you.”

You rolled your eyes as you pushed the window open and sat on the sill, “What are you doing here JJ?” You were trying your best to calm your racing heart, the last thing you needed was to go into cardiac arrest in front of him too.

“You left the party.”

“Not exactly in a partying mood...I was being stupid tonight.”

He sat down on the windowsill beside you, facing out toward the backyard but turning to look at you, “hey, I’m stupid every night.”

“You know what I mean,” you laughed, “I’m so careful...I haven’t had a night that bad in a long time.”

“Why weren’t you? Careful, tonight, I mean.” He asked.  

“It’s stupid.” You put your hands on your knees and looked away from him. You’d hyped yourself up to crashing lows and now he wanted you to tell him why? “You should go back to the party.”

“Not really in the mood...can you believe it?” He laughed like it was nothing but you could hear the heaviness in his voice.

“Sorry.”

“It’s not your fault...I just meant. If you’re up here, I don’t really feel like hanging out down there.”

You bit down on your bottom lip and looked over at him, feeling just the slightest catch in your throat. For a second you thought this night was going to get even worse and you’d throw up...but instead you just started talking, words falling out with no control, “I pregamed with Sarah before we even got on the Druthers cause I told her I was gonna tell you tonight that I liked you but I was so nervous that you would tell me you didn’t wanna date me so I just kept drinking...” you said. You realized a moment later what the implication was, “not that its on you that my sugars dropped...or like, not that you have to say you like me just cause I almost passed out.”

“What if I do like you though?”  

“You do?” You asked, shifting more toward him, “seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously...why do you think I came all the way up here? Or carry around jolly ranchers? I like you...I’d do anything for you.” He replied.  

You couldn’t stop the smile on your face as you leaned closer to him, “oh well, now it’s definitely your fault.”  

He laughed, “let me make it up to you.”  

You nodded, standing up and climbing back through the window before holding your hand out for him. JJ was quick to his feet, taking your hand and pushing the window closed as he followed you further into your room.  

[idk-1224]

What Will It Take? (Part 1)

Anthony Bridgerton x (F) Reader Words: 1384

Summary: Anthony was head over heels for Siena Russo. So when she called things off with him, he was heart broken. He spends months in despair. Until he meets Lady y/n. Lady y/n is stubborn, intelligent, gorgeous, and kind. She’s perfect. But it takes a while for Anthony to realize how perfect she is.

TW: Siena Russo slander. I don’t like putting girls against girls or anything like that but for the sake of this, I am. Cuss words. PINNING. Dumbasses being Dumbasses. The Sheffields like don’t exist. Lol. This will be a multiple part kind of thing, so the triggers don't apply to all of them.

Despair

Heartbreak

Weakness

Whatever it was Anthony Bridgerton was feeling was not something he liked

Siena Russo

The opera singer

The love that could never be

It was because of her that he felt this way

He hated it

He despised it

But he felt it

And there was no undoing it

No making it better



Or so he thought



Lady Y/n

Daughter of the Duke of Alastair

3 older brothers

Lambert

Leonard

Mathis

All very protective

She Loved to read write and adventure

Very good friends with Daphne and Eloise



Miss y/n was to debut the same year as Eloise

And how very excited she was

Two of her older brothers Lambert and Mathis were already happily married and have children

And that is all y/n has ever wanted

She didn’t want a marriage without love

And unlike many other young lady’s, she didn’t have to

She was free

Well as free as a young lady could be in her time



-Y/n and Eloise’s Debut-



“Make hast dear sister.” Says Leonard

“Lambert will kill me if we are late.”



“I’m coming!”

Leonard leaned against the wall outside his sister's door and waited until the said door opened to reveal the breathtaking sight of his younger sister.

“Ready.”

“Dear sister, you look breathtaking.”

“You think so? Oh I do hope the queen thinks the same.”

“Come now the carriage is ready.”

The pair walked through the halls of the place they grew up in. Yet it was different now. Mathis and Lambert were now gone. And y/n was about to be pushed into the eager arms of the ton. Neither were prepared for what was to come.

They boarded their carriage and were off.

.

.

When they arrived Lambert and Mathis were already there.

Lambert being the oldest would mentor his young sister through the trying time of the social season.

Their mother, Lady Emma had passed away early in Y/n’s life.

So in respect of her dear friend Lady Danbury offered to sponsor the young debutante.

“Lady Danbury” she greeted the woman.

“Lady Y/n. How lovely it is to see you.”

The young girl smiled and looked ahead.

That’s when she saw him.

Anthony Bridgerton

Oh how long she had been pinning for the man. Ever since she was a child she dreamed of being with him.

-flashback-

Young Y/n Darling at the young age of 10 was sitting in her bedroom located at Aubrey Hall. She traveled with the Bridgertons every year.

She was working on her embroidery when suddenly interrupted.

“Y/n!”

“Yes Daphne?”

“Oh you must come listen to the song I just learned on the piano forte.”

“Ok then”

The two girls made their way through the halls of Aubrey Hall.

Before they could reach their destination Eloise found the two.

“Oh Y/n, I was just searching for you, do you think you could help me pick out a new book to read? You always have such good opinions when it comes to them.” The young Eloise asked.

“Oh Eloise I would love too, but Daphne has asked me to listen to her piano forte.”

“Oh but she only ever plays the same song over and over again.”

“No I do not!”

“You do too! And y/n is my friend! Not yours!”

“Oh but I am both of your fri-.”

“She is my friend too!”

“She is only friends with you beca-“

“Eloise, Daphne! Enough! Give the poor girl some room.” Interrupted Anthony Bridgerton.

“To resolve this conflict, I shall ask miss y/n if she will accompany me for a stroll, while you two reconcile.”

Y/n just stood there wide eyed and mouth gaped.

“Shall we my lady?”

“W-We shall.”

The two walked arm in arm although the young miss certainly was a lot smaller in size then the viscount.

“How are you Miss Darling?”

Anthony asked once they entered the garden

“Just fine my Lord. And you?”

“Likewise. And please call me Anthony, we have known each other since we were young.”

“Well then I believe you shall call me Y/n”

He simply smiled and the two carried on with their stroll.

“You are too kind to my siblings, every now and then you must learn to speak for yourself, to say yes and no when you actually mean it.”

“But then-“

“Ah ah no buts, at least try, I assure you it will solve future conflicts such as this one.”

“Then I shall try.”

“Good. Shall we get you back then? Perhaps they have resolved their conflict?”

“No, I wish to stay out here a bit longer.”

He chuckled, “Very well then. I told you it will work.”

That was when he gave you your voice, you realized then the power you had saying yes and no when you actually meant it.

It was then that you started to feel something for the viscount, but you didn’t quite know what it was then.

-end of flashback-

Oh the scandal…

She knew it was wrong, but he was just so kind and caring.

And oh how he was handsome.

She often found herself having to force herself to look away from him.

Such predicament is what she found herself in at the moment.

She was pulled from her trance when her dear friend Eloise called her name.

“Y/n! Oh how dreadful it is, isn't it?” She said referring to her outfit

“Oh Eloise, you look beautiful. You have nothing to worry about.”

“Oh but I do!”

“Eloise. You will be just fine. How about I appeal before you. Then you can have a little extra time to prepare yourself.”

“Yes, yes that’s perfect. Thank you y/n.”

“Of course.”

.

.

“Introducing! Miss Y/n Darling. Presented by the Great Dame Lady Danbury!”

Y/n gracefully made her entrance. 

So focused on not making a fool of herself she didn’t notice the intense gaze of many male spectators.

Including a certain Mr. Anthony Bridgerton



She had made her way to the queen and dropped into a perfect curtsy.

“Beautiful.”

“You my dear are the epitome of grace.”

.

.

“Can you believe it, Eloise! She called me the ‘Epitome of Grace’.” She squealed

“Yes. I can believe it. Because you are.”

“Oh I am so sorry Eloise you must feel horrible for how your debut went. That Lady Whistledown, always making things worse.”

“No no, I am actually quite grateful for it.”

“You would be.”

The two girls bursted into a fit of laughter.

“Just imagine all the suitors you will get tomorrow. Are you thrilled?”

“Yes, but you don’t think I will get many suitors do you? Yes, perhaps a few but it’s not like the whole ton will be banging down my door.”

“You would be surprised. I reckon you’ll get at least thirty suitors.”

“Thirty Suitors!?”



“Who will be getting Thirty Suitors?”

Asked a voice Y/n knew all too well.

“Y/n. Don’t you think brother? At least thirty if not more.”

Y/n turned to the man. And immediately regretted it.

There he stood, clad in the same attire from before, but he looked more relaxed, more at home.

“Ah, well of course, being this year's diamond will attract all the suitors of the ton, but there are only about thirty suitable suitors, but even they are questionable.”

“You really think so?”

“I know so, my lady.”

They stood in a short silence gazing at each other intently.

“Y/n didn’t you say you had to meet up with your father later?” Interrupted Eloise who was oblivious to the intense staring contest.

“Oh my, yes I was to meet up with him for afternoon tea, I must make haste I will be late.” She said while gathering her things.

“Will you come around again Miss Darling?”

“Perhaps, Eloise and I plan to buy some more ribbons tomorrow so I will be with her all day.”

“Yes, well it was a pleasure.” Anthony said while he exited the room.

“I am sorry about him, he’s been moping around for some time now.”

“Whatever for?” It wasn’t her business and she knew that, but she had to know.

“I’m not quite sure, he’s very closed off, always has been.”

“Hmmm”

.

.

.

That is the end of part one, there will be more soon, if you wish to be tagged let me know. 🤍🤍😁😁

[babymetaldoll]

"Victory" (Spencer Reid/ Reader)

Requested: Yes

Summary: Spencer's daughter hates her father's girlfriend. But when he is in prison, life pushes them to finally get along.

Warning: Cursing, a little angst, a mean teenager, and fluff.

Word count: 5,4K

A/N: Hello, pretty people! How are you? I've missed you! Life has been a little messy and filled with angst, so writing hasn't come easy in the lastest weeks. Hope you like this story, and I hope I can bring you a new one soon 😉

Masterlist

»»————-　　————-««

Spencer's daughter hated her dad's new girlfriend. And she wasn't subtle about it. She hated that her father was now dating, 'cos she didn't want to share his love. So now she didn't even want to be around him anymore 'cos he was so happy, it was annoying.

It wasn't that she hated her father, 'cos she loved him. But she was never going to face the fact she was jealous. She didn't want to share Spencer with anyone because he was all the family she knew, and they were a team.

Victoria Reid was twelve years old. She had grown up alone with her dad 'cos her mother had ditched the two of them soon after she was born. Spencer had tried to explain to his daughter her mom had left 'cos she wasn't ready to deal with the responsibility of being a mother, which was true. He, on the other hand, was happy to know he was going to be a father, and he repeated over and over again she was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

That was true.

When Spencer and his ex found out they were going to be parents, he was ecstatic. He couldn't wait to hold his baby in his arms and watch them grow. He didn't know his girlfriend had other plans, though, and soon after Victoria was born, she had left the two of them and never looked back.

Spencer wasn't going to lose the chance of being a dad. Even when he knew he was too young, Reid was ready to raise that baby on his own and give her all the love he had.

That's why he and Victoria were so close. Spencer was the only parent she had ever had. He was her world. And though Spencer was only 24 when Tori was born, he had given her his best.

Tori was the BAU's baby girl. Everybody in the team was a part of her life because she had grown up with them. Penelope was her best friend and godmother. Victoria would spend a lot of time with her while her dad was away on a case. Derek was her cool uncle. He helped her train to get into the basketball team and taught her how to dance. JJ was the closest to a mother figure in her life. Tori would spend time with her after school, playing with Henry. Spencer always said JJ was like a sister for him, and that's why they were all like family. Tori actually called Henry and Michel her cousins.

Emily was like her best friend. They could talk about anything, and at least twice a month, they would go out together shopping, just the two of them. Spencer always respected his daughter's relationship with his friend 'cos they were their little extended family. Tori called Rossi "Nono." He had taught her himself, and she loved going to his mansion, 'cos he always had new video games to play with her.

But then came (Y/N). She had joined the team when Victoria was only six years old, and for the first five years, they got along just fine. (Y/N) would come along shopping with her and Emily, sometimes she took Tori out for some pastries, and talked about bands, boys. Victoria loved her.

That until the incident.

She hated (Y/N) after the incident.

Victoria refused to talk to her after THE INCIDENT.

It was a warm spring afternoon, Spencer and (Y/N) had the afternoon off, and they were at his apartment... heavily making out on the couch. That's why they lost track of time.

(Y/N) and Spencer had started dating a few months before. They had been in love with each other for years. Still, neither of them had acted on it until Rossi's birthday party, when they had a little too many drinks and finally confessed their feelings. They wanted to take things slow, but when you make out in front of the whole team, it might be a little harder imagined.

But they had decided to wait for the right time to tell Victoria. But, unfortunately, the right time didn't come soon enough.

- "Dad!! I'm home!!"- Victoria opened the front door and froze in shock at the scene going on in front of her. The twelve-year-old had asked her best friend's mother to drop her home earlier when Penelope told her Spencer had already gone home. In Garcia's defense, she had no idea what was going on in Reid's residence, and if she had known, she would have never let Victoria know her dad was home.

(Y/N) widened her eyes and quickly grabbed a pillow to cover herself. She was shirtless, sitting on Spencer's lap. She still had her bra on (thank god), but anyone could tell that scene was leading to the bedroom in a few seconds.

- "Shit!"- Spencer whispered and closed his eyes as he realized what was going on. (Y/N) held her breath as she stared into the young teen's eyes. Victoria didn't know what to do or what to say, so she simply ran to her room and slammed the door.

- "Ok... so I think Tori knows about us"- (Y/N) tried to ease the mood and smiled at her boyfriend as she put on her shirt. But Spencer sighed and covered his face with both hands- "Oh, come on. It doesn't have to be a bad thing. Let me talk to her."

- "No, (Y/N), let me talk to her first."- Spencer stood up and kissed (Y/N) 's nose- "I know she is mad, and I should be the one dealing with her anger."

Reid knew his daughter well enough to anticipate her behavior. People had often told him he could be a little passive-aggressive when he was upset. And his daughter was just like him.

- "Victoria, open the door!"- he said and waited a few seconds after knocking.

- "Go away!"- the teenager yelled, laying on her bed. She felt betrayed and confused. But most of all, she felt angry that her father had decided to have a girlfriend. He had no right to do such a thing. He had to take care of her and her grandma. No one else.

- "Victoria, we need to talk about this!"

- "You seemed too busy with your girlfriend to talk to me, dad. So go away!"

- "Victoria Marie!"- Spencer knocked on the door but got no answer from his daughter. (Y/N) heard it all from the couch and tried to think of a way to fix things with the young girl.

Sadly, it wasn't going to be easy, and in the months that followed, everything was far from being normal again.

- "I hate her!"- Victoria huffed and left her book aside. Spencer was trying to explain to her why (Y/N) would stay with her and Diana while he took a short work trip for the weekend. But the girl didn't want to hear a word about it.

- "You used to get along with her just fine until we started dating."- Spencer tried to dialogue with his daughter. Still, it was honestly getting harder and harder each time they touched the subject.

- "Used to. You just said it. I have the right to change my mind about people. Why can't I stay with auntie Penelope for the weekend?"

- "Because I want you to make an effort and try to get along with (Y/N) again. Victoria, we've been through this before. I love you, and that's not going to change just because I am dating (Y/N)."

- "This is so unfair! I hate you!!"

Spence tried to stay calm, but after over four-month having the same argument almost every day, he was losing it. Victoria stormed out and slammed her bedroom door behind her back. Maybe it was better not to push it, Spencer thought, defeated, and called Penelope to ask her if his daughter could spend the weekend with her, 'cos he had to travel. Maybe Victoria and (Y/N) weren't going to get along if he forced them to spend time together.

Everyone had already tried to talk to her about what was going on: JJ, Emily, Penelope. But Victoria wasn't ready to give in. She wanted to hate (Y/N), and nothing was going to change that. Or so she thought.

The day Penelope showed up in Victoria's school and announced her something had happened to her dad was engraved in the girl's memory forever as the worst day of her life. Her father had been arrested in Mexico, but Garcia had assured her, the whole team was working to bring him home safe. Meanwhile, she would stay with her in her apartment (she was already there anyway), and Diana would stay home with her nurse.

Victoria's heart was broken. She was basically alone in the whole world. Her father was her anchor. Her protector. Her superhero. Her best friend. And now, all of a sudden, he was gone, and though everybody told her it was going to be ok, she knew it wasn't.

- "Hey,"- (Y/N) walked into Penelope's office and found Victoria doing her homework- "Pen told me you were here, and I thought maybe you'd like one of these."

The young SSA said and handed the girl a box of fresh chocolate frosted with sprinkled donuts and a strawberry milkshake. Her favorites.

But Victoria didn't reply. Instead, she looked at (Y/N) right in the eyes, not moving a muscle, and then returned to her homework.

It had been two weeks since Spencer had been accused of murder, and he had been transferred to Virginia. But the team was far from solving the case.

- "Ok, Tori, please stop this. I know you don't like me dating your dad, but this is not the right time to fight. I know..."- (Y/N) made a short pause and took a deep breath before resuming her idea- "I know how you feel."

- "No. You don't."- Victoria Reid's voice was loud and clear, like thunder, hitting earth with anger. So clear, in fact, (Y/N) widened her eyes when she heard her.

- "You have no idea how I feel. Your dad ain't in jail accused of killing some woman in Mexico. You have no right to tell me that!"

- "My boyfriend and best friend in the whole world is in jail right now, and it doesn't matter if I work myself to death 18 hours every single fucking day; I still can't find the way to help him. I feel lost and alone, and most of all, scared, 'cos I've come to realize I have no idea how to live without him anymore. I'm guessing that's very close to what you feel."

(Y/N) poured her heart with complete honesty to her boyfriend's daughter, fighting the tears back, though you could feel the desperation in her voice. She didn't know if it would be of any use, but she had to take that from her chest. She missed Spencer so much she felt she was going insane. She had no idea what to do.

Victoria stared at her, furrowing her eyes and pouting. She didn't want to cry in front of (Y/N) 'cos she didn't want her trying to console her.

- "Just because you are dating him doesn't mean you have to take care of me. I can take care of myself."- Tori said and looked at the donut. She was hungry, they looked delicious, but the teenager didn't want to accept any gift coming from (Y/N).

- "I am not here because you are my boyfriend's daughter. I thought you were a cool kid way before I fell in love with him."- (Y/N) tried to calm herself down and sat across the table from Victoria- "And I am not trying to steal him from you. I just wanna... make him happy."

- "We were happy,"- the teenager's comeback was like a slap on (Y/N) 's face, but she did her best not to take it personally. She knew it was useless fighting with a teenager.

- "I have a visit scheduled for tomorrow. If you'd like, we could go together."

Tori held her breath. She hadn't seen her father since he left for Mexico. Of course, Victoria wanted to see him and hug him. It was all she wanted in the whole world. But... she didn't want to be friendly with (Y/N).

- "If I go... it doesn't mean I like you."- the young girl whispered.

- "I know"- (Y/N) nodded, feeling already triumphant.

- "And it doesn't mean I'm ok with you dating him."

- "I understand. I just know you miss him, Tori. I really know how you feel, and I'm gonna help you whenever I get a chance."- Victoria didn't answer; she just sighed and grabbed a donut. (Y/N) tried not to smile, feeling she had a small victory.

Spencer couldn't believe it when he saw his little girl waiting for him sitting next to (Y/N) instead of his lawyer in the small grey room. Victoria stood up and ran to him the second the door opened and wrapped her arms around her father as tight as possible.

(Y/N) looked at the guards, thankful neither of them had tried to stop the teenager.

Spencer kissed his daughter's cheek a few times and whispered how sorry he was to put her under those circumstances. He didn't know what to do or what to say. He was speechless. A part of him hated the idea of his daughter visiting him in jail, but he also missed her too much to argue with (Y/N) for bringing her over.

- "I'll go fill a few forms. Be right back"- (Y/N) whispered and saw Spencer's warm smile as he mouthed "Thank you," still hugging his daughter. She whispered, "I love you," and walked outside the room. She knew Victoria would appreciate a few minutes alone with her father, and she didn't want to take that away from them. She really wanted to make Spencer and Tori happy, and spending time together was what they needed.

- "I know this is hard, peanut, but we'll get through it. I'll be out in a few weeks. I promise"- Spencer held his daughter's hands as they sat across the table.

- "I miss you"- her voice was a soft whisper, as she kept trying not to cry anymore. She didn't want to make him feel guilty, sad, or anxious.

- "Me too. How are you? How is living with aunt Penelope going?"

- "Ok... we watch a lot of movies."

- "And school?"- Tori shrugged.

- "Ok, I guess."

- "Victoria..."

- "I got a C on my history paper."

- "Baby..."

- "I know, I know, I should have tried harder, but I really didn't want to do it."

Spencer was torn between lecturing his daughter for getting a bad grade and actually telling her it was ok, 'cos they were going through a rough patch. It was obvious she might get bad grades, all things considered.

- "I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you"- it was all Spencer managed to whisper.

- "Don't say that, dad. I'm sorry I slacked off."

- "You know, you could ask (Y/N) for help,"- Spencer suggested, but Tori just rolled her eyes, annoyed- "She has a master in the subject..."

- "Dad, please don't force me to talk to her."

- "I'm just saying... you don't have to be her best friend, just ask for help when needed, especially when it comes to school. Besides, it's clear she isn't a bad person if she brought you here today."

- "She just wants to win me over."- Tori mumbled and crossed her arms on her chest. But she knew her dad was right in one thing: (Y/N) had done a pretty good thing taking her to see her dad and letting them spend time together on their own.

Victoria thought she was losing her mind after three months had passed and her father was still in jail. It didn't matter that (Y/N) took her every Saturday morning to visit, played her favorite music, and bought her all the pastries she loved. She needed to live with her father again and do all the small things they loved: making breakfast together, playing scrabble, taking long walks in the park, eating ice cream. Tori even missed her father's annoying habits. She missed his rambling and how he always had an answer for everything, even for the things she didn't want to talk about with him.

Spencer was an amazing father, no questions asked, and Victoria Reid knew she couldn't ask for a better dad than him. She just wanted him back.

But things weren't going to improve soon.

When the team found out Diana Reid had been kidnapped, (Y/N) had to take a minute and lock herself in the bathroom to cry her heart out. She felt bad things were never going to cease, and she didn't want to tell Victoria. The girl had already been through so much, adding the abduction of her grandmother wasn't fair. Tori was just twelve. She shouldn't be going through all that.

- "Victoria?"

Prentiss decided she was going to be the one to tell the girl what was going on, and (Y/N) offered herself to look for her. She was in Rossi's office, reading a book curled on his comfy couch. That poor kid almost lived at the BAU by then.

- "My homework is done."- she replied, not taking her eyes from the page she was reading.

- "That's good. And what are you reading?"- Tori sighed and showed her the cover- "Something Wicked this way comes," I love that book"- (Y/N) smiled and took a look around.

- "Figured my father forced you to read it."

- "Actually, I read it when I was ten, and it's one of my favorite books."- (Y/N) looked at Victoria, but the teenager kept pretending to read, ignoring her- "Emily needs to talk to you."

- "And why are you here? Why didn't aunt Emily come? Are you her secretary?"- there was something about Victoria's attitude that reminded (Y/N) of Reid.

- "I wanted to see you, see how you were doing, and take you to the conference room"- Tori sighed and stood up. She hoped Emily had good news about her father, 'cos she was honestly going insane.

But of course, Prentiss didn't have any good news.

- "I'm sorry, Tori, but... you are going to have to stay here tonight"- the girl frowned, confused, and looked at the whole team around her. Everybody looked like they hadn't slept in days. Which, by the way, was very accurate.

- "Why?"

- "'Cos we are going to have to..."- Emily paused and held her breath, staring at her niece's eyes.- "I'm sorry, Tori, but this is the truth: the woman who framed your father has kidnapped Diana, and I'm scared she might try to get you too. So until we catch her, the safest place to be is here, at the BAU. With us."

Tori gasped and covered her mouth with both hands as tears filled her eyes in a second.

- "Nana? Is she ok?"

- "We don't know yet, but we are working to bring her home safe as soon as possible"- JJ caressed Tori's arm and tried to hold her, but she pushed her away mad frowned.

- "You keep saying that, you keep telling me you are working to bring my family home safe, but so far, you haven't done anything!! I am still alone! Dad is in jail, and everybody knows he is innocent! And now nana is gone too!!"

- "Baby, we know it is hard, but..."- Emily wanted to explain to Victoria everything was more complex than they had expected, but the girl covered her ears and shook her head, yelling as she stormed out of the room

- "I don't wanna hear you!! I want my dad!!"

It was painful to hear those things, 'cos the team was doing the best they could for Reid and his family, but they could understand the frustration and, most of all, the fear that little girl felt.

- "I'll talk to her,"- (Y/N) said and turned to Emily- "You guys continue what you were doing. I'll try to calm her down."

- "Are you sure you wanna go?"- Emily asked and cut (Y/N) a short smile.

- "Yeah, for once, she is mad at all of us, not just me."

The young SSA walked to Garcias's office, where Tori was hidden underneath a desk, crying.

- "Hey."

- "Leave me alone."

- "I know I'm the last person you wanna be with right now, and I am sorry I can't do anything to make you feel better. I can only promise you this: we are doing all we can to bring your dad and your grandmother back home safe." - (Y/N) whispered as she walked slowly towards the girl, who sobbed, whipping off the tears from her eyes.

- "Just leave me alone. I want to be alone,"- Tori mumbled and wrapped her arms around herself, sobbing.

- "I'm not gonna leave you alone, Tori. You are not alone here with us."

- "I am alone!! I want my daddy!! I need my daddy!!"- the girl continued crying her eyes out, hidden underneath the desk. (Y/N) kneeled next to her and sat on the floor.

- "Come here"- it was a bold move, 'cos (Y/N) knew the girl was going to reject her, but she didn't care. She couldn't deal with her sadness, and it scared her to think how bad the child was feeling. So, (Y/N) opened her arms and moved the teen closer to her.

Surprisingly, the girl didn't reject her. Instead, she cried against the fabric of (Y/N) 's sweater and sobbed, shaking, as (Y/N) caressed her hair carefully.

- "I swear, we are not gonna rest until he is free and until Diana is home."

- "I want my family back,"- Victoria mumbled and sighed.

- "You'll get it. I swear, I'll do everything I can to bring them back to you."

That was the first time since (Y/N) started dating Spencer that Victoria let her close. In the middle of the mess they were all lost into, it felt like a little break of peace. Another small victory for the young woman.

(Y/N) didn't mind spending the whole night awake going through an endless pile of files if it meant there was a chance to bring Spencer back home. Tori stayed in Rossi's office, where she made something that looked pretty much like a fort on the couch, with blankets and pillows, to hide from the rest of the world.

It was heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time, looking at the girl hidden there, trying to read, trying to draw, trying to do anything to take her mind from reality. Penelope brought her something to eat, but she rejected it, saying she wasn't hungry. Emily and JJ had tried to talk to her, but Tori kindly said she wanted to be alone. Even Morgan had called her and announced to her he was taking a plane from Chicago to help the team looking for Diana.

None of that cheered Victoria up.

- "I bought you this,"

Around ten, (Y/N) opened Rossi's door and walked in, holding a box of frosted chocolate donuts with sprinkles.

- "They always cheer your dad up, so I'm counting they will do the trick with you too"- the young woman tried to joke but found Victoria crying quietly insider her fort.

- "Please, just leave me alone,"- she whispered and hid her face with both her hands. (Y/N) didn't pay attention and sat with her inside the fort.

- "Not a chance."

- "I really don't wanna do this now, just leave me alone,"- the girl sighed, defeated, and continued crying.

- "Come here, I told you, you are not alone."

- "I am alone, (Y/N)! My dad is in jail, my grandma is kidnapped, and my mother left me 'cos she didn't love me!"

- "No, baby, don't say that"- (Y/N) wrapped her arms around Tori and kissed the top of her head.

- "I know my mom didn't want to have me, and maybe she was right... maybe I am cursed, and all this is my fault."

- "Victoria Marie Reid, you are talking senseless" (Y/N) held the girl's shoulder and looked into her eyes.

- "You are an adorable young girl who deserves the best in the world. Why did this happen? I don't know, bad shit happens in life, and we must try to learn something from it. That's it. There's no reason or cause. Shit happens, baby, but we must raise stronger than before. You are an incredible young girl, and I know your dad is proud of you. I am proud of you, 'cos you've been so courageous and brave."

- "You are just saying that 'cos you are with my dad."

- "No. I would say that even if I hated your dad. You know why? 'Cos I am not lying, you are awesome, and I love you, get that into your head. And you are not alone, 'cos I am here, see?"- (Y/N) ran her thumb on Tori's cheek, whipping off a few of her tears- "I'm here even when you don't want me to be, so I don't know if you can tell, but you are doomed, you can't get rid of me now. I'm like a disease, but a good one... I don' know if there's a good disease. I'm sure your dad would have the answer for my random comment right now."

Both Victoria and (Y/N) chuckled at the same time, and the girl nodded.

- "He definitely would..."

- "He would also lecture me why I shouldn't give you sugar after dinner, but he is not here, and I am not telling him, so please don't tell him 'cos he is going to be mad at me... and at you."- (Y/N) handed Tori the box of donuts, and the girl smiled.

- "I won't tell him."

- "Great, we have our own little sugary secret. Eat all the donuts you want; I'm going to be with the team in the conference room. Emily has a meeting early morning with the judge."- (Y/N) kissed the top of Vitoria's head and stood up.

- "If you need anything, I'm across the hall."- the SSA said, and the girl nodded, chewing a donut.

- "Thank you, (Y/N)"

By the next day, the miracle had happened. Victoria couldn't stop crying when (Y/N) announced she was taking Spencer back home. Tori stood in front of his father's girlfriend and felt how the tears filled her eyes in less than a minute. Happy tears, for once.

(Y/N) smiled at her, glad to know the young girl was going to have her life back. It surprised her when Tori hugged her, wrapping her arms around her tight. (Y/N) stayed still for an instant, trying to understand what was happening. She hugged Victoria and kissed the top of her head. The child was crying, and suddenly, so was she. The nightmare was over. At least a part of it. They still needed to find Diana. But the fact they were going to have Reid back was already giving everybody the peace of mind they needed to finish the task.

(Y/N) held Spencer's hand tight all the way from the prison to the BAU. He kept his eyes locked on their hands, fingers tangled together. He couldn't believe it was actually happening. He couldn't believe he was a free man.

- "How's Tori?"- he whispered and turned to his girlfriend. Penelope and Luke were in the car with them, but somehow, Spencer could only register the presence of his girlfriend. Not because he didn't care about his friends, but because he could only take just a small amount of information at the time. It was all too much for him at that moment.

- "Good. She has been incredibly strong."

- "Did you tell her about mom?"- Spencer was afraid to ask but needed to know what was going on with his daughter. (Y/N) nodded and sighed.

- "We decided it was better if she knew what was happening, we had to keep her at the BAU, and she was going to get suspicious she couldn't go to Penelope's... sorry."

- "Don't be. You did what was best for her."- Spencer turned to his girlfriend and smiled at her for a second. It was a short, sweet smile. Almost shy. But it was enough to warm her heart and wake the butterflies in her stomach. She was so in love with Spencer Reid, everything he did fluster her.

Victoria thought her heart was about to burst as he waited for her father to arrive. Spencer looked at (Y/N) one last time, and she squeezed his hand kindly, smiling when the elevator door opened, and all he heard was:

- "Daddy!!"- Tori yelled and ran to hug Spencer as soon as she saw him. He couldn't even step out of the elevator when his daughter nearly tackled him, wrapping her arms around him tight.

- "My baby!"- he whispered and spun her in the air a few times- "Are you ok?"- he held her face with both hands and took a good look at her. She was crying but smiling as she nodded.

- "I'm so happy to see you, dad."

- "I missed you so, so much"- Spencer kissed the top of her head and sighed. (Y/N) smiled, and whipped off the tears from her eyes as she stared at the scene. Garcia and Luke stood next to her, enjoying a brief moment of happiness and peace.

- "Me more,"- Victoria whispered and hugged Spencer again- "I swear I'm never going to fight with you again."

- "I'm taking a mental note of that,"- he answered and felt her body shaking as she giggled. Spencer hadn't heard his daughter laugh, giggle, or even watched her smile in the three months he had spent away from her. And that sound was sweet and warm, like a balm to his soul.

- "I'm sorry, Spencer... but, we have to..."- Emily interrupted the moment and smiled at her friend. They all knew they still had to do one more thing before celebrating. They had to take Diana Reid back home safe and sound. Victoria let her father go and smiled at him.

- "I love you, dad."

- "I love you too, princess."

And as the team walked to the conference room to brief Spencer about the case and update him with the latest information, (Y/N) felt someone hold her hand.

- "Thank you,"- Victoria whispered and cut her a smile that warmed her heart.

- "Come here,"- she answered and turned around to wrap her arms around her for a second. Spencer looked at them, and for once, he didn't know what to say. Victoria and (Y/N) just stood in the middle of the hall, hugged for a few minutes, and Reid couldn't believe it. It was so heartwarming and emotional; he really didn't know how to react.

- "Come on, dad!! You are going to miss the movie!"- Victoria yelled and set the popcorn on the coffee table.

- "You can pause it!"- Spencer yelled from his desk, where he was finishing writing a letter for his mother.

- "Or you can hurry!"- Tori answered and sat on the couch.

- "Here's your tea, your highness"- (Y/N) walked to the girl holding a tray filled with cups and more snacks- "Come on, honey! We are not waiting for you!"

Three months after prison and life had never been so good for Spencer, Victoria, and (Y/N).

- "I had never seen you so eager to watch a Marvel movie, since when are you two fans of Thor?"- Spencer walked to the living room, hearing his girlfriend and daughter laugh.

- "Always, huge fan."- (Y/N) smiled and tapped on the couch. Reid sat between his two women and sighed.

- "I can smell the sarcasm in the air."

- "No, honey. We love Thor, right Tori?"

- "Yes! Big fans, huge, the biggest fans"- Spencer looked at his daughter and raised an eyebrow.

- "Ok, I'll buy it. Let's watch the movie."

(Y/N) and Tori giggled at the very same moments like they were sharing a secret joke Spencer couldn't understand, but he didn't really matter. He was happy, his heart was content, and there was nothing more perfect that minute, 'cos his family was all on the same couch, watching a movie, enjoying an afternoon together. Like he had always dreamt of.

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