#like I will internalize what sort of content yoy enjoy and tag you when it comes across my dash

[thepandalion]

been thinking lately about how my introvert sister has. significantly more friends than me.

I'm an extrovert I'm supposed to have. literally any amount of friends. and I'm just now realizing I've got no idea how many friends I actually have because I literally never say "oh yes this person is my friend" like ever

anyways like. idk asking my mutuals on tumblr if they wanna be my friends feels kinda sad but I also have no idea how friends are made

[elementalheroneos]

Why do u care so much about killing stalking if u don't like it tho? Why don't u just ignore it? Not being mean just wondering

Ok so this is going to be long bc the whole “Don’t like it? Ignore it.” shtick has annoyed and frustrated me for months and I’m just going to vent it out now. I’m sorry anon if this comes off as angry bc it’s not directed at you, but again, this has bothered me for months now and I feel like more people are just going to say this until I put all this out there.

Also if this ends up in the main tag bc tumblr is a broken website: I don’t care what any of you nasties think and I don’t want to interact with you, so why don’t you all help me ignore it by blocking me and moving on.

TLDR tho: Ki////ing Sta///king makes me extremely uncomfortable and seeing people support it and the abuse in it scares me. I’d love more than anything to be able to ignore it and pretend it doesn’t exist, but because of its popularity, it is impossible to avoid unless I completely change my life. So because I have to be exposed to it against my will, I’m going to grit my teeth and express discomfort with vent posts on the internet and involve myself with people who also dislike it.

If I were to try and ignore it tho, I would pretty much have to delete all social media and avoid most of the internet.  Tumblr has recommended blogs about it to me, the main tag trends when it updates, i’ve gone into tags completely unrelated to the manhwa and seen crossover stuff, when it came out I had to unfollow 15 people who posted it, just a week ago someone who posted it followed me (despite me having it in my byf to not follow me if you enjoy it), people have interacted with my posts with icons of the characters, and so on and so forth.  As far as I remember I’ve only directly gone looking at the main fandom/character tags on tumblr/instagram about 6 or 7 times since it became popular.  One was when I first heard about it and was looking through the tag to see wtf it was. 2 or 3 were because I got into such a distressed state that I was trying to block as many people who supported it as I could so that they would never interact with me. 1 or 2 were to actually know what was going on to have an informed opinion. And the last one was bc y00bum-in//drag was saying that no one said anything like my vent post so I searched keywords to get screenshots. Beside that the only time I willingly look at it is also if someone’s blog pops up on a post on my dash who is a fan I might look at it for a moment because it’s already there in my face.

I really don’t actively look for that shit tbh it’s more it finds me. And the same goes for instagram and facebook and even I think I saw someone with a character dragon/icon on flight rising??? And uhh instagram allows you to block zero tags so guess how many times it’s come up there with cosplayers (and guess how many had self harm sfx makeup that freaked me out :) ) I’ve also had people message me/my friends about cosplay advice and commissions and saw posts about it on their blogs. 

I cannot avoid it at all on the internet, and to an extent the same thing goes for irl. I enjoy cosplaying and want to use as a springboard for my dream career in costume design and construction. I also work for an anime vendor booth and go to almost every con in my state and even some out of states.  My boss knows zero about k////s and tbh he wouldn’t care about what it was/if me and my friends who also work for him were made uncomfortable by it.  So when cosplayers show up to our booth, we can’t just leave to avoid them. We can’t tell them to leave because were extremely uncomfortable either. It’s basically a retail job so we have to smile and help sell things to them. One con for 2 days straight a pair of sang///woo and yoon////bum couple cosplayers kept coming back to our booth every 2-3 hours and hanging out for 20 minutes straight because we were the only booth at that convention selling yoi merchandise. Our boss even encouraged us to keep trying to get them to come back and buy more since they spent so much money. It was honest to god awful??? Like all three of us just kept praying they’d leave and not come back every time they showed up cause we did not want to see them. Esp when they would also loiter by our booth to talk to friends and do shippy things and joke about the abuse in the comic. 

I also was talking to a really popular cosplayer once who also is uncomfortable with k////s and he told me that a yoon//////bum cosplayer ran and tackled him at a con and damaged his cosplay. Or I had the scare of my life when I was going under a table to sort through the boxes and I came up to a yoon////bum cosplayer right there with wrist bandages and felt uncomfortable for the rest of the day.

And also umm going off that and onto a semi tangent: do you have any idea how many k/////s cosplayers love using self harm as a prop????? Ever since the chapter with self harm came out I have yet to see a yoon////bum cosplayer without wrist bandages (bloody or not) including that one that kept coming back for 2 days which is god awful. Esp considering one of my friends who works at the booth is extremely triggered by that stuff.  Anytime we see yoon////bum cosplayers now we have to go out of our ways to avoid our friend seeing it by either getting them to switch tables or trying to distract them all while WORKING and helping customers. And ofc one with bloody wrist bandages went right up to their booth one time when they weren’t looking and when my friend looked back bc they realized a customer was there they had to sit and help them purchase something before going to the bathroom because they were having a panic attack and needed to get away from that. And ofc the rest of us had to cover for them and pretend to our boss they were just taking a bathroom break. So uh yeah not fond and if you think I can ignore that….. what world do you live in???? It’s in my face on the internet and at cons I attend to enjoy and at my job.

Even though this has gotten super long I’m going to say this one thing before someone jumps on my dick for it: “But Ceili, why do you follow/interact with anti k////s blogs???? Lmao you secretly enjoy it/want to see it” Bc like I’ve said above, I have zero way to completely ignore it. If I’m going to be forced to see it against my will, I want to see it through people who also hate it bc its a huge comfort to know that some people don’t get off to the abuse and torture of a gay man and think its disgusting as well. I’m not going to just internalize and try to pretend I’m not disgusted and uncomfortable for the sake of protecting poor k//////s fans’ feelings. I’m going to vent about it and I’m going to talk to other people about why I hate it because it helps make me feel safer and allows me to get shit out. Anti blogs also talk about the contents of the manwha so that I can stay informed without reading it/having to see posts about it because if you dare try to criticize it and say you dislike it without reading it every fan jumps down your throat with “Youre making assumptions!!!!! You don’t actually know anything!!!!! Stop lying about my favs!!!!!” I also sometimes like reading anti’s posts bc there are times where I have problems articulating my feeling so seeing someone else write it out more cohesively than I can helps me sort things out so that I’m not thinking as much about how I feel and what I’m trying to say about this garbage bc someone already said it. And also if a fan is saying something extremely nasty, yes I’m going to sometimes jump in bc I’m at that point already upset and angry.

So yeah again: I legit cannot ignore it and once I see it I can’t stop thinking about it until my discomfort passes which can either be for a few minutes or a few hours depending on the situation. Unless all fans go and keep their content super private and dont put it out there which yall will never do, we’re at a stand still and if you want me to not continue to talk about this block me and dont interact bc I want to move on with this and be done already.