#like. I Get that 90% of the time he appears he's either 1. reeling from recent trauma 2. engrossed in special interest or 3. plot device

[kebiday]

of course ppl have no obligation to care about characters they don't like... & fandom is about doing what you want and having fun... & it's inevitable for fanon to simplify the cast into little cardboard cutouts...

but i Do wish that ppl who pour a lot of love & effort into analyzing + developing the relationships of + having empathy for the circumstances of the main characters would extend more than a fraction of that to other characters. like my favorite girl kevin day 🐈‍⬛

[nightcall99]

Dreams from 2.12.23

Dream 1: I have to find the bride. She is wearing a beautiful pale purple slip dress straight out of the 90's. And then I realise I was watching a TV show but I had basically entirely missed the scenes that the bride was in, only managing to catch a glimpse of her outfit. This made me extremely anxious and it's like I had to see her, had to find her. Later on, I am scrolling through Insta reels and I come across a girl who is making a joke about how they just watched the latest episode of the same TV show and couldn't find the bride either. I open up the comment section, excited, because other people experienced the same thing as I did. But also I was hoping someone might have the time stamp for when she appears so that I may find her.

Dream 2: I walk into the hair salon located in the Viet shopping town near my house. It's really busy inside, with many workers and patrons. I don't know why I'm here since I already had my hair done not long ago and it's too soon to get it cut again. When the hairdresser at the counter asks what I want, I'm kind of speechless but I figure I will just ask to get my hair washed and blow-dried or something. But then I am quite easily convinced into getting a haircut and end up in the salon chair. At first there is a scene where the hairdresser has cut it too short and bluntly and I don't like it. Then my HS settles on it actually being that he cuts out a whole square chunk out of the back, keeping the length on both sides of my shoulders. I don't like this hairstyle at all but I guess I don't hate it completely. Also this hairdresser is kind of creepy and I can't decide if he is hitting on me or what. Then I leave the salon and have to find my car so I can drive home. The hairdresser seems like he is going to follow me to my car but I shake him off. I can't find my car though. I can't remember where I parked it at all. How could I have forgotten? It's been mere hours. I know I parked my car in a side street but I don't know which one and when I look more closely I see that each side street has it's own massive carpark filled with hundreds of cars. I’m going to have to start from one end of the street and work my way methodically to the other end. It's going to take so long and it’s getting dark now.

[jupitermelichios]

ive never seen riverdale but im here from ur post and listening... can u explain how the characters use "old-timey tech" or what that means

short answer: imagine if people in 300 years time threw a '20th century' themed party, and you've got 20s flappers standing next to 70s punks next to someone cosplaying paris hilton. that's riverdale.

long answer: despite appearing to be pretty much just another vampire diaries, or pretty little liars, or even smallville (seriously, this show wants to be smallville so bad), riverdale is made with a kind of aesthetic verve usually only found in Wes Anderson movies. Whole sets are perpetually bathed in neon light, camera work is suprisingly inventive, characters are very carefully colour coded, its a visually pretty interesting show

and a part of that is the tech. the show-runners were going for a kind of timeless americana vibe, and one of the main ways that mannifests itself is that (after season 1, which is fairly normal) technologies from 1901 to 2021 all exist simultaneously in the town, and the general rule seems to be to only ever go as modern as you absolutely have to.

telephones are a good example of that. if a character recieves a phone call while in a physical building, it will come through on a chorded landline. (the only chordless phone exists in betty's bedroom, because they like to have her lie on her bed and talk, ala early 90s teen romcoms.) people will phone the diner and ask to speak to a patron rather than just calling that patron directly. the phones used are often rotary dial ones, rather than push button, and in the case of the high school, a candlestick phone (the ones where the speaker and microphone are two sepperate parts)

but characters have modern cell/mobile phones. if someone needs to make/recieve a phone call when they're in their car or outside, they'll use a mobile phone. (I have a feeling there is one instance of an 80s car phone, but don't quote me on that)

jughead has a laptop, because that was introduced in season 1, but he basically stops using it and starts writing on a typewriter from season 3 onward, and the laptop only comes back when it's needed for a plot point.

the fbi uses paper files and microfiche, and when they tap someone's phone it records onto a cassette tape. the highschool computers are from 1995, people are surprised that a video rental store is still in business but not that it only rents VHS tapes, tvs are almost all 1960s wood pannelled ones except when they're early 80s countertop ones, betty's dad is about 40 but his childhood home movies are reels of film that have to be played on an vintage projector rather than vhs tapes.

for season 3 and 4, all the tech works on this same logic. occaisionally it's a nod to the comics (archie drives a 1915 ford model T tourer, which is a comics reference, but everyone else drives cars from between about 1950 and 1975, which isn't. any modern cars are ones introduced in the first season), mostly it's just the designers having fun.

season 5 does something slightly weirder, where specific sets and characters seem to exist in different timezones, like jughead's flat exists in the 1970s and archie's military service exists in the 1910s. (hospitals have always only existed in the 1950s and the nurses wear those weird white pointy hats that make them look like the flying nun.)

i don't think it works for what they were going for; the diner definitely has a timeless feel, but the rest of it just feels weird, honestly. but that actually works in the show's favour, because the plots get so insane that combined with time not working properly you just have to conclude that this either takes place on an alien planet where everyone is trying and failing to cosplay 20th century humans, or in some kind of time sinkhole where a century of time is all happening simulataneously and also mothman is here. (that's not a joke. mothman is here)

[papermoonloveslucy]

BILL STERN’S SPORTS NEWSREEL

May 24, 1946

“Bill Stern's Sports Newsreel” was heard on NBC radio from 1937 to 1953, and CBS radio from 1953 to 1956. Until 1951, the fifteen-minute show was known as the Colgate Sports Newsreel. There were many guest stars and each show shared a story.  The broadcast was heard under several different titles over the years including “The Bill Stern Sports Review”, “The Colgate Sports Newsreel”, and “Bill Stern Sports”.

Bill Stern (1907-71) was hailed as one of the greatest sportscaster that ever lived, Bill Stern knew how to captivate his audience. With a strong background in theater and vaudeville, Stern used techniques rarely heard on a radio sportscast. Stern eulogized the obscure, the near-great, and the great. Stern would tell fantastic tales about the oddest characters that have ever played professional sports. Stern would punctuate his extraordinary legends with long, overstated pauses, soap-opera-like vocal emotion, relentless repetition, and major exaggerated words in every sentence. As a performer, he was also seen and heard in films, including We’ve Never Been Licked (1943) with sports fan William Frawley. 

[Sung to the tune of “Mademoiselle from Armentières" (aka 'Hinky Dinky Parlez-vous'):

Bill Stern the Colgate Shave Cream man is on the air! Bill Stern the Colgate Shave Cream man with stories rare! Take his advice and you'll look nice, Your face will feel as cool as ice, With Colgate shaves you'll be a fan!

EPISODE

“Bill Stern brings you the 342nd edition of the Colgate Shave Cream Sports Newsreel, featuring strange and fantastic stories, some legends others mere hearsay but all so interesting. Special guest tonight is one of the most famous movie stars in Hollywood Miss Lucille Ball.”

Reel One: 

Chicago Cubs third baseman Stan Hack uses Colgate Brushless Shave Cream.  A recorded testimonial is played. Stern offers a double-your-money-back guarantee.  

Real Two: Profile of Great Athletes Who Are Not Famous as Athletes

His first story is about a pitcher who broke his arm and had to adapt by using his other arm and found he could draw. Believe it or not - it was Bob Ripley!

Second, a cricket player who was so badly injured playing that was reduced to bedrest for twelve years.  Strange as it is, he started to write and today is known as H.G. Wells.  

Third, the story of Charles Dodgson, who raced sailing boats. During a storm, he told stories to children aboard the boat to calm them. He later put them down on paper. Those stories became “Alice in Wonderland” and the sailor was known as Lewis Carroll.

He tells the story of a writer who became an athlete - a race car driver. The driver hit an oil patch and crashed into a concrete wall doing 90 miles an hour. A newsreel producer saw the grisly footage of the accident and offered the driver a screen test that led to a Hollywood film contract. That driver’s name was Lucille Ball. [*1*] Stern introduces MGM’s Lucille Ball.

Lucy says that after the accident she was told she would never walk again. She says that she enjoys swimming, tennis, horseback riding, badminton, and riding in an aqua-plane!  She flips the script on Stern, and asks him to verify the stories he told about Bob Ripley and Lewis Carroll, which he does.  He then asks her the name of her latest picture.

LUCILLE BALL: “It’s called ‘Easy To Wed’ and I think I enjoyed making it more than any picture I ever made.”

She says she enjoyed it because it’s a comedy in Technicolor, and because of her co-star Van Johnson (”Hubba-hubba-hubba!”).  

Stern tells viewers that Lucille has been decorated four times for her service during the war and reads the inscription on one of her medals: “To Lucille Ball, who gave her time with unselfish devotion in the entertainment of our troops.”  Lucille reminds listeners that our veterans are still in need of our help.  Lucille says thank you and goodnight.

Real Three: 

Charles F. McCarthy does a commercial for Colgate Brushless - Shave Cream of Champions. 

Reel Four:  Profile of the 24th of May

May 24th in history, during World War One, Jack Judge, Felix Powell and Ivor Novello sat at Wimbledon watching the tennis when it was discovered that they were all song writers. They wager one thousand pounds if they can write a war song and get it published. They vow to meet a year later. 

Jack Judge wrote “It’s A Long Way To Tipperary” - although Judge could not march himself - he was crippled. 

Felix Powell wrote “Pack Up Your Troubles in Your Old Kit-Bag and Smile, Smile, Smile” - although Powell himself could not smile. In fact, he was so depressed he took his own life. 

Ivor Novello wrote “Keep the Home-Fires Burning (Till The Boys Come Home)” - although ironically, Novello’s own home burned to the ground during World War Two.  Novello came to the US in 1917 to entertain the troops, singing the songs. At one camp, he met an America soldier who wrote a song he considered a failure. Novello listened to it and declared it the greatest war song he’d ever heard.  That song was “God Bless America” and the soldier was Irving Berlin. 

Stern says that next Friday night he’ll be broadcasting from Chicago with special guest Jimmy Dorsey. 

Bill Stern the Colgate Shave Cream man is on his way! Bill Stern the Colgate Shave Cream man has lots to say! He told you tales of sports heroes! The inside dope he really knows, So listen in next Friday night!  C-O-L-G-A-T-E!

Lucille Ball appeared courtesy of MGM. The show was broadcast from New York City. 

FOOTNOTE from the Future

[*1*] This story is almost completely untrue. Yes - Lucille Ball was told she may never walk again - after being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in her twenties. She was never a writer or a race car driver, although she posed as one for photographs. It is ironic that she asks Stern to verify the other stories, but allows this outrageous tale to be told on national radio.  She had launched her career saying she was from Butte, Montana, and that her father was a mining executive. She also was said to have been a skilled aviatrix who shot crocodiles flying over the jungles of Columbia. Ball never doubles down on Stern’s dramatic story, but doesn’t disabuse it either.

For the real take on Lucille Ball and sports, click and read Lucy The Sports Fan! 

[wingsporkhalo]

He’s Mine: A BakuDeku Fic Spork- Chapter 2

Here I am with chapter 2 of this mess!! For those of you who are new, I read a terrible My Hero Academia fanfiction and made funny commentary on it with some good buddies. Chapter 1 is here! https://wingsporkhalo.tumblr.com/post/190957730961/hes-mine-a-bakudeku-fic-spork-chapter-1

Support me on Patreon! I am poor!! https://www.patreon.com/WingSongHalo And check out my YouTube channel, where you can see video sporks!! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgTMFf7W6SyWoZdpqY9ZdPw/

Last time, the story started in the middle of an inexplicable fight, Izuku gave Shoto his phone number and had multiple houses, and Katsuki told Izuku he doesn’t want Izuku to call anyone by their first name but him! Because being controlling is romantic, right?? (Sarcasm.)

In today’s chapter, Katsuki attempts to confess his “love,” Izuku is forced to dress as a girl, Shoto kidnaps Izuku, I rant about people uke-fying my favorite characters, and Kirishima offers some terrible advice!

Special thanks to my dear friends @the-wizard-l​, @kittykatz009​, @satsuneade​, and Phos for co-commentating!

Without further ado, let’s move ahead to Chapter 2!

My friend Phos: It’s reviewing the same stuff!!! What?? Me: but Phos!! This time it's in a different Point of View, though you'd never know that from the lack of detail!!

Um what am I doing here .

[sigh] I ask myself that every day, sonny

Why dose? Uh, because it keeps you from taking too much medication?

Why dose my chest feel weird when I see deku with half'n'half.

Uhhh... maybe you know he's lactose intolerant and you're concerned for him as a friend? ....naaahhh

Phos: “Damed nerd” Me: I mean, from what i know of Bakugou's character, he always instantly regrets talking to Izuku Why would he be stuttering in his own head??! Also, what the fuck is damhed? Is it like being a shithead, but less profane?? Disided. Uhhhh... I guess that's when... something has two sides? I guess??

After I payed for the thing I wanted,

God this detail!! I'm so moved!!

Why was Izuku just running around? Was he late? I thought you were 10 minutes early?

I catched up to him

Sure. With your umbrella? Were you using it to travel like fucking Mary Poppins??

“Ahh” he said falling on the wet ground

I love how unemotional that is.

"DEKU HEAR" --the sound of me being completely out of character? Oh yes. I hear it

Wh--? What bottom of his uniform was he grabbing? I??? I hope you mean like the edge of the blazer?? My friend Jaz: Bottom of his shoes Phos: Bottom of the uniform might mean bottom of the pant leg— Oh Me: I mean, valid interpretations all of them, but it really sounds like he's grabbing ass if you just say "the bottom of his uniform" because that's... where the bottom is... moving on.

I don't get it. Has Bakugou supposedly found Izuku's stare cute this whole time, or is this a recent thing? It's so outside the realm of possibility that it's not computing

We walked to school together.

Oh my, how exciting! I wondered what was going to happen next!! And you told it so efficiently, with as few words as possible! Bravo!!

So like, WERE you getting closer or did it just FEEL like you were?

I feel like if their faces ever touched, reality would just collapse in on itself because the laws of nature would be violated

(either that or it would have to be a "one of them literally fell from a great distance onto the other one" situation)

(Which I guess isn't too far fetched since they get thrown around a lot)

Again the damh nerd is here.

Did I say something wrong?

SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU EVER CARED???

Ohhhhkay I'm just. So confused. WHY is Bakugou suddenly aware of his "feelings," WHY is he suddenly so much nicer, and WHY is he just deciding all of a sudden to confess his love?? That's the kind of thing you WRESTLE with, if you accidentally fall in love with the dude you've hated for like 11 of your 15 years of life!! My friend Wiz, evidently affected by the reality-warping powers of this fic: jhwbebhjfewjhbwfjh

Uh why did he have to come at a time like this.

B... because the bell is going to ring?...

Wow, I wish I could communicate entire sentences with just my face. Seems like a useful talent. Maybe that guy in class 1-B with the speech bubble for a head would be best at that

"Kacchan here" Why yes, he is here. Not sure why the sudden caveman-speak, though

Then half'n'half went of with my deku

[sits there staring at nothing for 5 seconds] [shakes self] Sorry I was just reeling at the sheer ridiculousness of everything about that sentence

I felt kind of bad leaving kacchan behind.

Then it just transitions to the next scene because fuck internal monologue I guess Jaz: When did he become Your Deku? Me: THEIR TEACHER NEVER SHOWED UP??? BITCH WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO AIZAWA??? Also, wouldn't it naturally fall to Iida to take over and decide their next course of action, as class rep? Why are the girls all hijacking the class??? Jaz: They hogtied Iida, of course Me: They're putting their names on a stick... oh god... tHEY'RE ORGANIZING A DEATH TOURNAMENT "Deku come with me" "I'd love to but that's not the pairing of this fic" Jaz: Dhdududidifhf

I love how Izuku has no agency in this fic; he just goes with whoever and does whatever, helpless against the whims of those around him. And by love, I mean hate. I fucking hate that.

Uh *sigh*

Wow that's a mood. Jaz: Wtf is even going on Me: lskjdlkksjdf Not that Izuku wouldn't dress up as a girl if someone told him to, but I think he'd usually at least like a reason for it "Izuku the All Might Cheer Squad is missing a member; could you sub in?" "[throws everything off his desk and stands up at once] I've been waiting for this moment" My friend Satsu, just arriving: Finally caught up and I'm CACKLING Me: Somebody get Ochaco to Recovery Girl!! She's taken a blow to the face and there is BLEEDING aH THANK U SATSU <3 Satsu: HI MOM, ((note: my server calls me Mom. LOL)) lol this is so bad 😂 😂 Wiz: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING HERE JHBDJBH Me: Honestly, I think Izuku would be dreadfully embarrassed if everyone stared at him no matter WHAT he was wearing Satsu: Yeah but like, why uraraka suddenly dressed him like that??? What is the thinking process that that would be okay in the school omg Me: ��Why would you do this to me uraraka-san“ Wiz: I’m crying Me: "Look, it was in my contract that I had to appear in 50 badfics a week. I'm sorry, Deku" "[hangs his head] No that's fair"

Satsu, didn't you know?? This is just what happens when the teacher doesn't show up Satsu: Aw damn, if I knew ;-;

Wiz: I am. So confused wjhbfe Satsu: They all ran of Me: he stoped, but I can't.

Then I ran of

It was a run of girlishness and embarrassment, I'm guessing. Did they all say the slashes, or? Jaz: Did Todoroki just kidnap Deku? Wiz: These things happen Satsu: Oh dear, the last sentence My eyes Me:

Izuku ran of

--Shame and frilliness--

Mabey we went to far

"Sorry, I can't go with you this weekend. Mah bae and I are going to far." "To where?" "Far. It's this restaurant across town" Wiz: jhwbewehbj Me: What the--why was Izuku running for his life? WHAT DID HE DO Shoto: [pushes Izuku] Izuku: thank you! Shoto: uh... s-sure... should I be concerned that you just thanked me for shoving you Izuku: Probably! Wiz: MOOD Satsu: Kdbdkdbfkjf Me: What the--why's Shoto rubbing Izuku's head? Is it a good luck ritual or has Izuku turned into a puppy? Wait, no, he still has hands. I'M CONFUSED Phos: I still don’t understand the dress and wig.Well, girls uniform. Satsu: You’re not alone with that lol Me: Look, sometimes ya see an adorable messy-haired befreckled shonen protagonist and ur just overwhelmed with the desire to see him in drag....... I guess? Phos: I mean Yeah that sounds exactly like what this fic is doing Me: It sounds to me like they wanted to write moments where Shoto and Katsuki would get to interact with Izuku while he's a delicate, soft little maiden [rolls eyes] Wiz: :’)) Me: STOP UKE-FYING MY IZUKU, YOU FETISHIST Satsu: They always do that to my dear main characters :( Me: Me pulling these badfic authors up by their collar: listen here you yaoi sluts... my son Izuku is more manly than 90 other shonen protagonists put together... Jaz: Omggggg WING Phos: "yaoi sluts" I will never have a chance to use that and man I’m upset about that Satsu: Heck yeah! Me: LSJKFLKSDJ PHOS Satsu: MOOD Phos: I’m not in a lot of fandoms where yaoi is the norm in badfic! Me: Really? It kind of seems like it's the norm in every fandom nowadays. Look I love a lot of slash pairings, but yaoi I have a problem with. Yaoi is fetishization, yaoi is semes and ukes and one of them has to be "the girl" essentially and it's gross Phos: Agreed! Me: ANYWHO [steps off my soapbox] Wiz, a bit behind on the messages: YAOI SLUTS JHBFJHF

No body saw him, but several pairs of eyes did. Three of them were Shoji's. Wiz: Wing I love you Me:

Something told me he went out side

Was the something lazy writing? I LOVE U TOO WIZ <3 <3 <3 Satsu: It's cracking me uo that it says "Bakago P. O. V" Me: Does... does this person honestly think that's how you spell "damn"? I... wh? The kinds of mistakes this person is making are not really things I see from people who speak English as a second language--tenses are more or less usually correct, etc--so I'm just. How. How do you get it wrong that many times

"Ahh" I heard someone screaming

Really? Cuz when you write it like that it looks more like what you'd say while sinking into a hot bath after a long day. Satsu: Wait, didn't Todoroki kidnap him? Where did he go? Phos: He’s been consumed by the love triangle void Satsu: He just vanished lol Me: Yeah he was like "finally, my Love Interest™️ is in drag, so I must make the most of this and Romance him" and fucked the hell off dragging poor Izuku with him Satsu: LMAO PHOS Me: SLAKFJDLKJ PHOS Phos: bows Thank you Me:

It was Deku being chased by boys

The Izuku Midoriya tag on pixiv, basically

I picked up deku and put him over my shoulder.

This is the second BakuDeku fic I've seen where Bakugou throws Izuku over his shoulder like a goddamn bag of potatoes and it's portrayed as Romantic. Wiz: w h y Satsu: I'm still wondering, is this supposed to be BakuDeku or TodoDeku? Or both????? Phos: Both, I think Me: I think it’s both, yeah Satsu: Aw, dang. My poor baby. :( Phos: I’d bet real money this doesn’t end properly, like it’s not finished Me: yeah the story is technically called "he's Mine! (tododeku kacdeku) (boku no hero academia)" Satsu: Kfbdkfjf jf Wiz: Oh joy Me: which, like, first off, who the FUCK calls it Kacdeku? I'm pretty sure I heard my cat say that while throwing up once Wiz: gfthghuji Phos: Adobe (That was a corrected keysmash) Satsu: I was about to say about kacdeku veing a very weird ship name lol Ah fuck, I always end up changing one letter or eating a whole word Me: "ADOBE" IS THE BEST KEYSMASH LSKJDKFSL mkay SO I don't think Bakugou would literally kill those boys, but he would definitely threaten it Also, how is Izuku supposed to get changed? Did he bring his other clothes with him??

Phos: BOLD ITALIC AUTHORS NOTE Wiz: jhbjhbjhk Me: I... guess he had his uniform? ALSO YES, ONE OF MY FAVORITES, DEFS A SQUARE ON MY BADFIC BINGO Phos:

Or ... fuck him

Wow I hate this Me: I do not remember Bakugou ever looking like a lost cat, nor do I think a lost cat is a very good descriptor because cats just kinda hide or come up to people and yell when they're lost. ...Actually that second one does describe Bakugou; never mind. Katsukitty "ALL THEM BOYS" SHEEEEE-OOOT! IZUKU DONE GOT HIMSELF A HUMDINGER OF A SOUTHERN ACCENT, NOW, AHYUH-HYUH!!! I walked on a head? Wow, that takes talent. Most people use their feet but I guess if you wanna be Extra

I all ways want to force him

I mean, there are a lot of ways; do you really have to want all of them?

to force him agents a wall

Whoa, what? Where did these agents come from?? Are they investigating Todoroki's sudden disappearance?? Satsu: In which universe Bakugo is nicer with Deku more than with Kirishima Me:

and kiss him passionately

jfc. I just... hhhh. No.

Or... fuck him

Yeah that's about right. Katsuki: [thinks of Deku] well, fuck him :\ Satsu: LMAO LFBFKFHFKFB Phos: Scbsbsfddb Me: Also, Satsu, you summoned my favorite rocky cinnamon roll

Satsu: Also I don't remember what part of season 3 are you refering to dear author lol JUST, PLEASE STOP WITH THE DAMH ALREADY Phos: What even is that page.... Me: So I guess I should be surprised that Kirishima is just suddenly here, but considering he seems to follow Bakugou everywhere, I'm not.

"I've seen you with midoria and I thought I could help"

What's midoria? Is it a medical condition? "Man, I came down with a nasty case of midoria. I was in the bathroom like seven times last night" If that's the case, Kirishima could help by just giving him some Pepto. Satsu: Kdbejqhevjdvfjd Wiz: pfffft Me:

"Well for one change your..."

Mind? Clothes? Tires once every four years or 10,000 miles? Satsu: Your brain cells!??? Me:

"well be less angry and more happy with him"

WOW!! STARTLINGLY ASTUTE ADVICE!! IF ONLY SOMEONE COULD HAVE PINPOINTED BEFORE WHY THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS SO STRAINED!! YOU DOIN' THE LORD'S WORK, AUTHOR!! Phos: Adsvads Me:

"Are you telling me to change who I am!!"

"Well... yeah, kinda. I mean, I love ya, bro, but your attitude kinda sucks." "........Okay, fair"

"Unless you want him to be with todoroki!?"

Uhhh, does what Izuku wants factor into this at ALL, or...? Also, sure, if someone doesn't like you, just change who you are! Works every time, at least until you forget which version of yourself you were using with each person!! Wiz: yaaaaaaaaayyyy Me:

Damh him

Uhhh... okay. [points to self] Wing, me.

"Fine I'll change but only when I'm around deku!"

Sure! Sounds like the basis of a healthy relationship! (: The last decade of abuse doesn't matter!! Wiz: :')))))

===========================================================

AND THAT IS ALL FOR CHAPTER 2! Next time, Shoto makes terrible jokes and lies to Izuku’s mother, Izuku and Shoto go on a date, and our helpless damsel protagonist gets attacked by a villain!! Next post will be up very soon! Thanks for reading <33333

[thesinglesjukebox]

SOCCER MOMMY - CIRCLE THE DRAIN

[7.73]

Did not Usher in a top score; did yield a lot of writing...

Ian Mathers: There's a mandolin part (or something) peeking through the mix here in places that, combined with the dreamy listlessness of Sophie Allison's lyrics and delivery, is giving me significant pangs of that ol' devil nostalgia for both my past and the music of my past. Sometimes though, you just gotta go with it. [9]

Vikram Joseph: Nostalgia is a hallucinogen; it blurs the distinction between times you miss and times you simply happen to remember more vividly than others, and, more disconcertingly, between places you have been and places that have only ever existed in your internal world. There's something about "Circle The Drain" - with its soft golden hour hues, its fuzzy edges - that drives deep into whichever ganglion or cortex is responsible for nostalgia, and sends uncoordinated sparks and signals across its synapses, triggering a slideshow of fragmented memories that may or may not be memories at all. It reminds me of so many tangible things - the late 90s / early 00s guitar-pop of Natalie Imbruglia and Avril Lavigne, the Smashing Pumpkins' "Today", and (strangest of all) second-tier Brit indie band Feeder's tender teenage stoner anthem "High" - but also of so much that is unreachable and unnameable - walks home from nowhere, composite daydreams from a hundred train windows, summers disintegrating into the building blocks of memory. As if getting older isn't frightening enough, if I have this much capacity for nostalgia at just past 30 won't I be slowly crushed under its weight by 70? But for now, while I can still think of myself as young, I'm grateful for this song - a gorgeous, dreamy downer - and for the synthesis of new memories from the glowing rubble of ones that came before. [9]

Leah Isobel: On my first day of work in the new decade, a customer yelled at me. It wasn't the first time this had happened, and he wasn't actually mad at me; he was hurt by something my boss had done, and I was just in the crosshairs. But what he said - the justified core of his anger - has stuck with me, like an ink I can't wash off my hands. It's followed me all month, keeping me from being present with my friends or honest with my parents or productive at my job. I haven't been able to write about it, either; the helplessness, the horror, the rot I feel in my body. It feels a lot like the sick-sweet guitar decay in this song. [9]

Julian Axelrod: Calling a song "passive" is rarely a complement, but everything about "Circle the Drain" feels detached in the best way. The sample-of-a-sample guitars fade in and out of focus, Sophie Allison's numb sigh is couched in a week's worth of reverb, and her verses frame summer love and self-immolation as equidistant unattainable ideals. It's a song about depression, but it doubles as an interrogation of the "slacker rock" tag bands like Soccer Mommy so often fall under: Is this person stuck on the couch because they're unambitious, or has the mold in their brain turned them to a bedridden husk of their usual chipper self? Everything around Allison is pristinely produced, which makes its passivity all the more pointed. As a great artist once said, "Do you think a depressed person could make this?" [7]

Nortey Dowuona: A nice, twee song about being sad. That's it. that's the tweet. [9]

Katherine St Asaph: I cannot pinpoint, and it's bugging me, what specific maybe-obvious riff this is biting. (My ears hear something like Kay Hanley's Cherry Marmalade, and the duh answer is probably like Nirvana, but I think part of it is, of all things, Incubus's "Drive"?) But I've listened to enough '90s college-rock filler to recognize a clear improvement on it. [7]

Alfred Soto: Nailing the early nineties college rock churn 'n' jangle as surely as "Lucy" did last year, "Circle the Drain" flirts more closely -- more ominously -- with the churn 'n' jangle that crossed over several years later: think Shawn Colvin, not Belly. Listeners may dig this direction. I say Soccer Mommy gets blanded out. [6]

Thomas Inskeep: Is that a banjo? Well, that's unexpected. The guitar-plugged-into-a-sole-amp and ramshackle '90s-Beck-ish drums, those are expected. But you can definitely hear the increased production budget on this, and I'm not 100% it's for the better. [6]

Brad Shoup: The dream of Adult Alternative is alive and well and uncanny. The idea of daubing one's emotional grayness into the short shadows of a deceptively summery pop rocker... I wasn't sure that was a move anymore. [7]

Joshua Copperman: This doesn't sound like a 90s radio hit, this sounds like 90s album filler. Okay, that's a bit much. It sounds like it was there, but then someone at Loma Vista said 'it's 2020, music has been functional background noise for like four years now, take out everything interesting except for the delay spin in the second verse and the nifty tape flutter effect around four minutes in, don't distract anyone'. There's a synth pad at 1:15 that disappears by 1:20. The actual song is pretty great - I especially love the imagery of walking on a cable, depression being so debilitating that doing anything has the stakes of conducting the electric city. The top comment on eight-minute advance single "Yellow is the Color of Her Eyes" currently reads "If she went far enough, I think she would meet Chris Martin at the beach." For "Circle The Drain," I wish she did. [6]

Michael Hong: Bubbly and burbly, "Circle the Drain" sounds exactly like that, a spinning whirlpool. Where Clean was blurred by the surrounding ennui of being a teenager with a crush, "Circle the Drain" marks a clear progression in Soccer Mommy's sound, sounding more expansive and vibrant. You feel it in the twang of the looping guitar melody and in the shuffle of the backing beat. The background noise of Clean is washed away, reduced to a low fuzzy din and Soccer Mommy's voice comes with reassuring elegance that suggests while you can fall apart in the spiral, there's comfort to come when it does eventually end. [9]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: I hate the game my mind plays with regards to my depression being "legitimate" enough. If things are OK and I don't feel depressed: Great, but was I just dumb and emotional this whole time and my depression not actually real? When things are OK and I feel depressed: Not great, but at least I know my depression is... real? I don't know. That I have such thoughts is an upsetting thing in and of itself, and the plainness with which Soccer Mommy talks about not wanting to remain strong for family and friends is a reminder of how debilitating life can be. That others feel that way makes me feel less alone. "Circle the Drain" is a song about being stuck, of being "chained" to your bed (please help me if I'm "napping" all the time). There's a quiet appeal--a slacker glamour--that this song exudes, that captures the allure and sickness and banality of depression in the everyday. [8]

Will Adams: The chorus is curious; the bridge sets up a clear launch, but at the cathartic moment the production falls away, to the point it feels like we're getting a second verse. It's not until the titular thinking appears ("round and around") that the arrangement comes back into focus. It's a neat trick. One that wears thin by the third time, but who am I to argue with a song that wraps me in the nostalgic comfort of Orange County radio and Daria commercial bumpers like this. [8]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Soccer Mommy's best songs capture the clarity of feeling like shit like no other artist's do. It's a hard feeling, the way that being lost and beaten-down create not any kind of moral righteousness but a shocking awareness. It's everywhere on "Circle the Drain," from the crunch of the intro guitars and the tinniness of the drum machine on the bridge to Allison's vocal performance, which sounds at once both immediate and far away. But it's there most in her songwriting, which Gabe Wax's production only intensifies. The way that the second verse breaks from the figurative language of the first into stark, morbidly funny descriptions of mental illness and decay is arresting, and the way the song pushes through it, almost making the final choruses sound triumphant, is even more so. [8]

Alex Clifton: "Circle the Drain" is a story of depression set to the warmest guitars I've heard this side of the nineties. It's a beautifully neat trick to pull and Soccer Mommy here does so with aplomb--both aspects kept reeling me back in for second and third listens. Although the lyrics are sad, the feeling is ultimately uplifting. It's okay if you are falling to pieces. A song like this will catch you. [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[elizadoolittlethings]

https://www.room207press.com/2018/01/we-dont-go-back-76-league-of-gentlemen.html

Friday, 19 January 2018

We Don't Go Back #76: The League of Gentlemen (1999-2017)

When

The League of Gentlemen

was first broadcast, I didn't own a TV, and by the time I owned one, I was living with my Beloved, who didn't have any interest in seeing it. Nonetheless, I could tell you a not insignificant amount about the major characters, and reel off catchphrases. I could tell you what it was like. People cared about it. Partly this was because several of my friends adored it, and it entered the referential lexicon of our conversation. But partly it seemed to be present, part of the furniture of our pop culture.

For example, I remember that at the time the university LGB society (the T or the Q were not yet added, which is related to a point I'll pick up later) used pictures of prominent gay and lesbian people on posters for an anti-homophobia campaign and one of them was Mark Gatiss, and I recognised him as the chap from

The League of Gentlemen

. It's fair to say that

The League of Gentlemen

fell firmly into the category of things I'd never seen but which I could take part in a conversation about without getting completely lost.

I never got round to watching

The League of Gentlemen

.

But now this project is Serious Business, there are some things I can't really get away with leaving out. So I committed myself to watching it. A good friend expressed concern that it might be too late for me to do that. I sort of half understood what he was getting at, but only really got what he was about having worked through it.

The usual caveats about how writing about comedy are the antithesis of funny apply here, by the way (I still think my funniest article was the one about

Planet of the Apes

, but I digress).

Honest town signs.

The League of Gentlemen

are Reese Shearsmith, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton and Jeremy Dyson. All four of them write; Gatiss, Pemberton and Shearsmith appear in front of the camera and divide the vast majority of characters, men and women, between them.

It's set in and around the fictional village of Royston Vasey ("You'll never leave!"), in the North of England, where everyone is a grotesque. It's sort of but not entirely sketch comedy.

Some characters appear in most of the episodes: Pauline (Pemberton), who runs a job start course, loves pens and despises the unemployed; Mike (Pemberton), Barry (Gatiss) and their spectacularly messed up mate Geoff (Shearsmith); disappointed musician Les McQueen (Gatiss); Mr Chinnery the vet (Gatiss again), who kills every animal he touches; Hilary Briss the butcher (also Gatiss) who puts something terrible and evil in his delicious sausages; and perhaps the most iconic characters in the show, Edward and Tubbs (Shearsmith and Pemberton), a pair of debased, depraved yokels who run a Local Shop for Local People and who visit unspeakable fates on anyone who comes who isn't Local.

What's all this SHOUTING?

But unlike many sketch shows, the recurring characters' stories progress from episode to episode. So for example, the fate of innocent Benjamin (Shearsmith) at the hands of his finicky aunt Val (Gatiss) and monstrous uncle Harvey (Pemberton) develops and escalates as he realises he might never be able to leave, and begins to formulate a plan of escape. Pauline finds her nemesis in one of her course attendees. Mr Briss's Special Stuff creates an epidemic of nosebleeds.

Many characters appear in no more than a handful of episodes at most, and become the focus of the episodes they're in. The Legz Akimbo theatre company (slogan: "put yourself in a child!") come to visit the local school but their internal tensions destroy the group. A guide leads a party of tourists through the Royston Vasey caves, while replaying a terrible tragedy for which he blames himself. A farmer keeps a man who slept with his wife as a scarecrow in his field. Kenny Harris (Gatiss), owner of the Dog Cinema, engages in a cutthroat business struggle with a rival who's more into cat films.

And then there's Papa Lazarou.

HELLO, DAVE!

Papa Lazarou (Shearsmith) is the single most nightmarish creation of the League of Gentlemen, and along with Tubbs and Edward, is most representative of the show's folk horror elements. He's the owner of the Pandemonium Carnival, which comes to town early in series 2. Papa Lazarou is a nightmare in human form, his scabrous face caked in black-and-white minstrel makeup. He forces his way into people's houses, insisting on calling them "Dave", and intimidating them through an almost supernatural power of domination into giving him their wedding ring, wherein he spirits them away as his slaves, with the phrase, "You're my wife now."

He is genuinely terrifying, and I wonder how that first episode he's in would play if it didn't have a laugh track (only the first two seasons have laugh tracks). And of course he's one of the two places where people most take offence at

The League of Gentlemen.

The most usual objection to Papa Lazarou is that he's in minstrel blackface. But while minstrel makeup is a blot on our culture, it is, it's obvious from the way that Papa Lazarou is framed is that he's supposed to be horrific because he's precisely the sort of person who wears blackface and always wears it.

In his second appearance (the final episode of series 3) there's an insane visual gag revolving around him disguising himself as relatively normal by painting a pale skin tone

over

his blackface makeup, which I found hilarious. But it's also a bit of a problem for a lot of viewers, evidently, because I've read at least two pieces online that interpret the scene as meaning that he's naturally minstrel-toned, which is... Well, I don't know. I'm starting to doubt my own reading a bit, but part of Papa Lazarou's grotesquerie is that you can see how the black and white paint is caked on his face in closeup, and I'm sort of inclined to go with my original reading, partly because it's much less hard to swallow, and mostly because it's a lot funnier.

The League of Gentlemen

is part of a tradition of British comedy and horror alike that deals with grotesque figres: in a show with Geoff, Mr Briss, Pauline, Harvey and, oh God, Edward and Tubbs, Papa Lazarou is just one more of a parade of freaks and monsters. And he is scary, really scary. The episode where Papa Lazarou and his Pandemonium Carnival comes to town (season 2, episode 1) is the point where I moved from a state of "that bit was pretty good" ambivalence to understanding why people consider

The League of Gentlemen

to be an undisputed classic of British TV comedy. Whatever the framing of Papa Lazarou and his freakshow (and notwithstanding the arguments about whether anyone should be making gags about blackface at all, the politics of freakshows is a subject I am simply not equipped to get into), that whole episode is a delirious comic horror and I have seen little to match it.

I can't go to Dorothy Perkins.

The other point where

The League of Gentlemen

gets some flak is in the figure of Babs the transgender cabbie. And the joke with Babs is partly that she's butch and hairy, so that she looks like a bloke in drag (specifically that she resembles the other women characters on the show, only more so), and partly that she's excessively forthcoming about the mechanical details of her transition with her clients. It's complicated by the fact that most of the people of Royston Vasey like her and are supportive of her. No one on the show is ever an open bigot about Babs. She's never deadnamed, for instance. And she's essentially one of the most sympathetic characters in the show. But nonetheless she embodies most of the most enduring transphobic stereotypes, simply by being so grotesque (so much so that we never see her face).

And back in 1999, as I mentioned in passing, we still talked about LGB issues and a lot of us hadn't added the T yet. And it's not as if trans people hadn't been there all along, but trans rights are in the general sphere of discourse now in a way that in the UK they weren't in the 90s. And this doesn't mean that a character like Babs isn't a problem, it means that many of the people who might be aware of the problem now weren't then because it hadn't been pointed out to them. And that isn't an excuse either. It's like all the history that comes back, unresolved, to haunt us.

You could tell that it haunted

The League of Gentlemen

: in the special episodes that aired over the 2017 Christmas season, she's back. She has to be, really: in a lot of ways, Babs acts like a Greek chorus for the unfolding story. So here she is, opening proceedings as ever. Barbara has transitioned successfully now, and she even says that trans people should not be "a source of cheap laughs" just for being who they are, and given that Barbara is a character who has always been framed as having her heart in the right place, as someone you're supposed to sympathise with, it's pretty clear that this is what Dyson, Gatiss, Pemberton and Shearsmith actually think.

But for her to even appear, and it's more or less obligatory that she does, she still has to supply a joke. So now, no longer an Ugly Trans Person, Barbara is an Excessively Touchy Trans Person who seizes on innocuous statements and takes offence to comic effect.

I wonder if Papa Lazarou and Barbara are problems like this because of the way

The League of Gentlemen

engages with its inspirations.

The League of Gentlemen

owes a great deal to classic British TV and cinema of the 60s and 70s, but crucially it engages with that source material in a way that enriches the show. It's instructive here to compare it with

Dr Terrible's House of Horrible

, which is roughly contemporary and which, unlike

The League of Gentlemen

, has not entered the annals of classic comedy. They both get their inspiration from similar places, in fact in several cases the same places – I mentioned

The League of Gentlemen

's odd relationship with sketch comedy, and it's sort of fair to say that it's sketch comedy in the way that an Amicus anthology horror is sketch horror. But where

Dr Horrible

depended on your being familiar with the source material, at least to some extent, to get the gag,

The League of Gentlemen

tells a collection of stories that don't depend on any foreknowledge at all. It's not a parody, and it's not entirely an homage either, although it has parodic elements and homage is threaded through the whole thing.

Rather, it's a comedy that focusses on the absurdity of evil and the equal absurdity of despair and that uses the grammar of classic British horror to tell those stories.

A Beast.

For example, a narrative thread in the fourth episode has workers on a proposed road digging up an inexplicable creature. Mr Chinnery comes to examine it, and proves as incompetent as ever. And while the scene carries a bunch of signifiers that come from Nigel Kneale, echoing

Quatermass

and

Beasts

in particular, and multiplied by the simple fact that Mr Chinnery looks and acts like Tristan Farnham (Peter Davison's character in

All Creatures Great and Small

), the joke doesn't depend on that. It depends on a moment of uncanny horror punctured when the vet's incompetence is revealed once more.

For the joke to land, you don't have to have seen

Baby

or

Quatermass and the Pit

, and while the whole scene is richer if you imagine Tristan Farnham in a Nigel Kneale script, that's not the joke. No, for the joke to land, you just need to have seen Mr Chinnery in action enough for you to be waiting for the moment when he fails catastrophically.

And throughout

The League of Gentlemen

, this texture is present. Royston Vasey is a vaguely comical, Northern-sounding name. But it is also the real name of legendarily foul-mouthed comedian Roy "Chubby" Brown, who himself appears later in the series as the town's mayor. And the joke with the mayor is that he's got a swearing problem, and that's a simple enough joke that you don't need to know who Roy "Chubby" Brown is, or that he's guesting as mayor of a town named after him to get it. That other stuff helps, but it isn't essential.

But the problem with the way that

The League of Gentlemen

mines classic horror and comedy is that sometimes it homages the things that perhaps should be left behind, so you get characters like Babs and Papa Lazarou, who are both beautifully played and well-written comic characters, but who reference stuff that is difficult to justify beyond nostalgia.

The League of Gentlemen

is important as the first sign of the folk horror renaissance that we've had in the last few years. Rather than saying "look at all these ropey old films! Aren't they terrible?"

The League of Gentlemen

embraces them, but crucially makes new things. It's a comedy, but it's also a horror: Edward and Tubbs reference any number of pagan village conspiracies. "We didn't burn him!" blurts Tubbs to the Scottish policeman who comes looking for poor missing Martin, but not before Edward tells Tubbs that she "did it beautifully."  You don't have to know that they're quoting

The Wicker Man

to think they're funny and scary.

There's nothing for

you

here.

The members of

The League of Gentlemen

have taken active part in the rise of folk horror as a recognised genre. Jeremy Dyson scripted the recent film

Ghost Stories.

Shearsmith of course starred in

A Field in England

, and with Pemberton continues to make

Inside No. 9

, an anthology show that combines comedy and drama, and which has had at least a couple of folk horror episodes. The most notable of these is

The Trial of Elizabeth Gadge

, where Pemberton and Shearsmith play 17th century witch hunters. Just like

The League of Gentlemen

,

The Trial of Elizabeth Gadge

isn't a spoof or a parody, it's a black comedy that stands on its own merits, even while it draws inspiration from other sources.

And Reese Shearsmith took part in Folk Horror Revival's 2016 event at the British Museum, hearing about which is how I realised that there was a name for the things I liked.

Mark Gatiss is the man who might be credited for extending the name "folk horror" to a genre (Piers Haggard being the first to apply it consciously to his own film). In his 2010 series

History of Horror

, Gatiss popularised the idea of the Unholy Trinity, and talked at length about

Blood on Satan's Claw

, which probably did more to bring about the critical reassessment of that film than anything else. Gatiss also wrote

Crooked House

, which aired on the BBC in 2008, and the 2013 adaptation of

The Tractate Middoth.

Together with Shearsmith, Gatiss has remade

Blood on Satan's Claw

as an audio drama (released January 2018).

You could argue pretty persuasively that without

The League of Gentlemen

, there might not have been a rebirth of interest in folk horror at all. Without them, it would still be an accidental genre. A local genre, for local people.

My

Patreon

supporters got to see this last week! To support my work and read early, please consider donating. No donation too small.

Posted by

Howard Ingham

at

1:25 pm

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.

interesting read

this pic motivated the search

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQHVqfTZiw_khqpo2AZaRMu1kFLvWgFeO4wkNBNxGKnoLxxu-LI

[taztaas]

Nearly Witches ch. 2

This was supposed to be a drabble. It blew up. Takes place in a modern (90′s-ish) AU. Part 1 also on AO3 This is a repost! I figured reblogging and adding to the first post was not a good idea.

Taako didn’t have any friends because he was a selfish asshole. Kravitz didn’t have any friends because he was a creepy weirdo.

They lived in a small town. Taako was openly gay and unashamed of it, so he got a lot of shit. And he wouldn’t take that shit laying down - Taako was all sharp angles and his nails were even sharper - so he got in a lot of trouble. Also, he was a loudmouth.

Kravitz was mostly left alone but there was talk. People whispered behind his back, intentionally loud enough for him to hear. He had strange interests, he was too quiet - which was apparently unsettling - and worst of all, he was a rich kid. He stayed out of trouble, but got blamed for it often.

Kravitz couldn’t say how he and Taako met. They just… drifted together. They didn’t have much, if any, common interests. They weren’t really friends or anything. They just ended up hanging out, more often than not. Usually at Kravitz’s house.

Kravitz lived alone in one of the largest houses in town, his parents were overseas and they trust him to manage. And he does. His grades are above average.

Kravitz had never been to Taako’s place. He knew the address, and he knew that Taako shared the apartment with a guy called Magnus. He had seen Magnus around at school - big guy, more brawn than brain. Kravitz couldn’t imagine why someone like Taako was shacking up with a guy like that but it was none of his business. Taako never told him and Kravitz never thought to ask.

Kravitz stepped outside. He locked his door and zipped up his black hoodie to fight the chill. He was still shaking, he didn’t want to be in the house anymore. He didn’t have any idea what to do. Magic didn’t actually exist. It shouldn’t have been possible, but fucking somehow , he had managed to summon the goddamn God of Death and she had taken Taako. Kravitz had no idea why, but it was obvious enough that it was his fault.

He was the one who figured it would be fun to fuck around with dark magicks. He thought it would be cool. Taako had been uncharacteristically opposed to the idea the whole time. Usually he didn’t give a shit about anything.

Taako didn’t say it straight, but now, looking back, Kravitz could see that all the annoying jabs had been in an attempt to divert Kravitz’s attention from the ritual.

Fuck.

And now Taako was gone. Kravitz felt like shit. Taako was probably dead. God of Death and all that. But Kravitz had to be sure. If Taako wasn’t dead, maybe he could be brought back. Somehow. With magic and shit. Another ritual. Something!

Kravitz had no fucking idea what to do. He couldn’t call anyone, no one would believe him. Not that he had anyone to call.

Kravitz started walking. He had to get away from the house where the fucking God of Death appeared and took his… friend? Kravitz shook his head, he didn’t want to think about that right now. He pushed his hands into his pockets and felt Taako’s ridiculous lighter. He squeezed it. For reassurance, or something.

It wasn’t too late but was dark out. Kravitz looked up at the sky, it seemed empty.

“New moon…” He muttered, and briefly wondered if it had anything to do with anything.

He walked under the dirty yellow light of the street lights, cold slowly seeping into his bones. With a start he realized he was heading towards Taako’s place. He stopped.

He should tell Magnus. Kravitz had no idea about Taako’s family, but Magnus might. They deserved to know. Magnus wouldn’t believe him, but at this point Kravitz didn’t care about that. He had to tell someone . He kept walking, now with a goal in mind.

Taako’s place was a dingy two-story apartment building. Kravitz took the stairs to the second floor and knocked at the correct door. He heard someone rushing to the door, and when Magnus opened it, Kravitz could see his face falling. He had been expecting Taako, obviously.

“Ummm… Hi?” Magnus said, and Kravitz swallowed audibly. He looked away, clenching his fists in his pockets.

“You uh- You don’t know me, probably, sorry,” Kravitz babbled, before he caught himself. “I’m Kravitz and-”

“Oh, you’re Taako’s boyfriend!” Magnus said with an excited grin. Kravitz blinked. Then he reeled. He felt like his legs were going to give out.

“Wha- What? No!”

“Really?” Magnus squinted at him “He talks about you a lot.”

“No, really!" Kravitz waved his hands in front of him, as if dismissing the notion.Taako talked about him? "We aren’t- aren’t dating.” They weren't even friends.

“Oh”, Magnus said simply. “Where’s Taako anyway?” Kravitz froze.

“Yeah… about that…” He said unsurely. Suddenly suspicious, Magnus straightened in front of him and fuck, he was a really big guy.

“Where is he?”

“I don’t know-” Kravitz breathed out, “I don’t fucking-”

“You better start talking, buddy.” Magnus almost growled , and Kravitz felt very much threatened.

“You won’t believe me.”

“Try me.”

Kravitz closed his eyes. He took a deep breath. “The Raven Queen took him.”

Silence. Kravitz opened his eyes to see Magnus’ reaction, but there wasn’t any. Kravitz was starting to wonder if he should duck or run away. He braced himself for Magnus' answer.

“I don’t believe you.” Magnus said finally.

“I know! I know it sounds impossible, and it is! But... Taako was at my place and I was doing this ritual-”

“You were doing what?”

“Fuck, it’s like magic okay? You draw some shit, you light some candles and say some shit. It wasn’t supposed to work. Magic isn’t real!” Kravitz hurried to explain, talking with his hands as much as with his mouth. “But when I was done and I turned around, Taako was fucking gone and there were raven feathers on the floor! The Raven Queen must’ve come and-”

“Move.” Magnus said, interrupting Kravitz's tirade.

“Huh?”

“Move.” Magnus repeated, and Kravitz took a step back. Magnus stepped out, pulling his jacket on and locked the door. “Come on,” he said and started walking. Kravitz followed.

“Where are we going?”

“I have no fucking idea what’s going on, and apparently you don’t either, but my friend is gone and we gotta do something.”

“You have- You have an idea?” Kravitz hardly dared to hope, that Magnus fucking Burnsides had just had an goddamn epiphany.

“Well… sorta.” Magnus said, scratching at his chin. “I know this guy, he’s like, a priest or something.”

“A priest?” Kravitz deflated. Magnus shrugged.

“Hey, I don’t know but I’ve seen enough movies where you kick demon ass with holy water and stuff. So I think this is our best bet.”

Kravitz couldn’t believe that he was getting into Magnus Burnsides’ dirty pick-up truck. He couldn’t believe he was gonna meet a priest and tell him that he had performed a dark ritual in his bedroom.

But it wasn’t like he had a choice. And Kravitz wanted to- no, he needed to get Taako back, and he and Magnus, they were on the same side here. The unicorn lighter felt heavy in Kravitz's pocket.

TBC

[aion-rsa]

WWE Raw Results: Ric Flair Gets Emotional, Punted by Randy Orton

https://ift.tt/2ZLOzkD

Last month, I wrote how the renewed push — and quite frankly, the reinvention — of Randy Orton’s character could be a force that helps stem the tide of WWE’s faltering ratings and viewership numbers. That’s proven to not be the case, as RAW and SmackDown seem to hit dangerous new lows on a weekly basis. 

But that doesn’t mean Orton’s push has been a total failure.

Last night we saw another chapter in the return of “the legend killer.” After a victory over Kevin Owens in RAW’s main event, Orton and Ric Flair, who had been serving as his manager for a few weeks, had an emotional moment in the ring. Orton was upset that Flair’s ego forced him to fight Kevin Owens in the first place. Flair cut one of the most emotional promos we’ve seen on WWE television in some time, nearly coming to tears talking about his illness a few years ago where he slipped into a coma and nearly lost his life. He told Orton that he realizes now that he needed to tell the people he loved that he loved them, every day. 

Orton and Flair embraced, but as he turned away to walk to the ropes, Flair was hit by a vicious low blow from Orton. 

Then the new Retribution stable, a gang of folks wearing all-black outfits, including black masks, apparently started messing with the lights. Orton lined up for a punt kick and then the lights went out. Viewers heard the smack of Orton’s boot hitting something, and when the lights came back on, Flair was unconscious and Orton was staring at him. After a few seconds, Drew McIntyre, who will defend his WWE Championship against Orton at SummerSlam ran to the ring and chased off Orton, tending to Flair as medical personnel came to the ring.

Obviously, this was the perfect way of intertwining a few of RAW’s current storylines. Flair, at his age and with his health problems, can’t do anything physical in the ring (even the low blow was risky). 

Elsewhere on the show, RAW Underground continued to be a thing. There’s actually a way that the RAW Underground concept can work. WWE didn’t necessarily show that in the first two weeks of the idea. 

For the most part, these matches were ending in less than 60 seconds. They were a highlight reel of knockouts, which plays great on UFC’s YouTube page, but if you’re trying to push this idea as “real” fights, it’s a dangerous path.

People compared RAW Underground to the Brawl for All gimmick WWE utilized in the late-’90s, but I think it’s more comparable to GCW’s Bloodsport shows. Those cards were first presented by Matt Riddle, now a WWE wrestler, and then by Josh Barnett and had almost the same presentation as RAW Underground, even down to using the ropeless pro wrestling ring.

Those Bloodsport matches didn’t consist of 30-second knockouts. Barnett and Minoru Suzuki fought for nearly 30 minutes when they clashed.

Read more

Culture

It’s Time To Shut Down WWE and AEW Wrestling During the Covid Pandemic

By Mike McMahon

WWE is going to have to present longer RAW Underground matches for the concept to take hold and work effectively. While it’s certainly okay to have some fights end with 30-second knockouts or submissions, these matches should average anywhere from 7-10 minutes.

Here’s how I would have started RAW Underground.

The very first fight should have been between two wrestlers who you know can grapple and present a believable grappling match. Grappling can help extend the time, while still making the fight look real and very different from what we see on the rest of RAW.

Matt Riddle would have been my No. 1 choice, going up against either Dolph Ziggler, Shelton Benjamin, or Chad Gable. Riddle gets the win, as he’s the new talent on the main roster getting a push, and Riddle against any of those three opponents could have put on an 8-10 minute credible fight. Riddle even has experience in GCW’s Bloodsport matches.

Let’s say the first match was Riddle beating Ziggler. The second match can be Gable and Benjamin. Then in the main event, if WWE wanted to debut Dabba-Kato in a big way, have Shane McMahon bring him into the ring and debut him with a 30-second knockout over anybody. The powerful 30-second knockout, coming after the two 8-10 minute grappling matches, would have absolutely stood out and made his debut feel bigger than it was.

Plus, you don’t set the precedent that every RAW Underground match lasts a minute or less. Why is Dabba-Kato’s debut meaningful when someone who is in a tag team, one-half of the Viking Raiders, did the same thing in his fight?

The concept can work and I love that they’re trying something new, but like with most things in WWE, it felt rushed to television in response to dwindling viewership. And, it’s hard to invest in anything they’re doing when Vince McMahon can change his mind on a dime this afternoon, and perhaps we never see RAW Underground again.

The post WWE Raw Results: Ric Flair Gets Emotional, Punted by Randy Orton appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2XU38lX

[charetfriarsclub-blog]

How To Produce Excellent Comedy For Your Business Vacation Party (From an Expert Comedian)

A vacation party is normally a time for event and a good funny show can be a terrific method to thank your staff members for a task well done. However there are some rules to think about if you want to ensure that you get the best outcomes for your company and from your talent Bruce Charet.

 DISCOVERING YOUR TALENT.

 There are a great deal of methods to look for comedians, and whether you go through a lecture agent, speaker bureau, funny agent, or check out your regional funny club, here are a few things to think about.

 First, business funny is various. If you see somebody at a local club and they're funny and reasonably tidy, there's absolutely nothing wrong with putting them on your list. However make certain that they understand the rules, since a bar comic is typically comfortable utilizing raw language and material that may not fit your crowd.

 So have a look at their websites, or much better still, see them live if possible, and call among their referrals. When you view their video, attempt to glance the whole program to get a sense of how everything circulations, rather than just presume that everything will resemble what they place on their emphasize reel.

 Some comics, including myself, work all kinds of different places, and we are able to change our product from show to reveal depending on the forum. But I've also been doing this for over 3 years and know what's right for each crowd. The danger with a young inexperienced comic is that he or she may share great intents, however utilize unsuitable product if they feel they're not getting enough laughs, so keep that in mind.

 As soon as you have actually chosen your talent, ensure that they consent to your guidelines. More than likely this suggests no cursing, no potty humour and avoiding material that is politically incorrect. It assists to review some of their jokes in advance to offer specific examples of what's fine and what would be considered crossing the line.

 Now, it's true some smaller sized business have looser cultures. My partner operates in a workplace wherein charges shout and curse all day long, so if they hired a comedian for a celebration, the limits would most likely be a lot looser, but even then, an excellent business comic understands to err on the side of safety. Whatever you decide, use due diligence and do your research.

 AGREEMENTS.

 When you've chosen your acts, make sure all celebrations have a signed contract and a deposit. I usually get 50% which secures the date for the business, so they're guaranteed I'm not going to take an eleventh-hour deal for better money (not that I would), but it likewise ensures that I won't lose cash if I have actually refused work and the boss all of a sudden chooses to employ his second cousin's nephew.

 COST.

 It's hard for me to give specifics due to the fact that it really depends upon the size of group and venue for your celebration. If your company is small, the budget plan is clearly going to be rather different then it would be for a Fortune 500. The bottom line is, provide yourself a variety to patronize and be prepared to be versatile if you find a specific act that you simply need to have.

 Keep in mind, the better acts are in higher need, so they generally do charge more, but there are lots of fairly priced comics who may not be family names, however will still do an excellent task for your group. But take care about hiring a comic that is available in at a price that's too low. They might be just starting or may not have much experience in the corporate market.

 Keep in mind that the comedy program is probably going to be the important things your co-workers keep in mind most about the party, so be careful not to be cent wise and dollar foolish.

 DEVELOPING A GOOD COMEDY ENVIRONMENT AT THE VENUE.

 I have actually done comedy in all sort of scenarios and absolutely nothing is harder for a comedian than to enter front of a rowdy crowd who wants to drink, talk and mingle, and could not care less that there's a show. So the number 1 rule is to deal with the program with due regard. If the party coordinators behave as if it's background sound, the audience will usually respond in kind and the comics will be difficult-pressed to overcome that. But if you set it upright, it can be golden.

 Wherever you hold the occasion, try to be sure your group has its own separate space so you prevent the opportunity of a loud bar or too much noise from other clients.

 Let your group understand that there's a show ahead of time and stress that if anyone just absolutely has to be talking for whatever factor, that they need to take it outside. Then make sure cell-phones are all off and have somebody from the business present the comedian so that everybody focuses.

 It's also crucial that everybody is seated, due to the fact that when too many people are standing, they're agitated, and it's harder for even the very best comic to hold their attention. And finally, do not start the program during the meal because no one actually chuckles too much when they're chewing. So try to do the comedy either after the meal, get the wait-staff to stop moving and provide everyone a 5-minute heads-up right prior to so they can use the centres.

 NOISE AND LIGHTS.

 Sound and lights are more vital then you may believe, so it's constantly an excellent concept to have your entertainer test both before the program when the room is empty.

 A lot of hotel meeting room have tiny little round speakers developed into the ceiling. Utilize these only as a last hope. Bad noise can really injure a comedy show, due to the fact that if the audience can't plainly understand what the comic is saying, the humour isn't going to fly.

 Lots of comedians have their own noise devices. I have a portable stereo that's good for about 250 individuals. If I'm doing a local show and I'm not exactly sure of the venue conditions, I throw it in the car simply in case. However bear in mind, if you require the comic to bring their own equipment, there is typically an extra charge.

 Among the trickiest parts about setting the best tone for comedy is the lighting.

 Basically, the total goal is to get the comedian well lit (however not blinded), and have the audience dim however not dark, which increases the intimacy element and makes it more comfortable for everyone to laugh. It likewise helps since the comic can still see the faces and body movement of the audience throughout the show.

 AUDIENCE POSITIONING.

 If you've ever been to a funny club you understand that everyone is usually packed in like sardines. There are 2 factors for this. First, the more individuals the club suits their room, the more money they're clearly making, but second, is that it greatly increases laughter.

 While, you might not want to squeeze your workers quite that securely, do attempt to keep the tables fairly close together and near the comedian. Laughter truly is contagious and this is among the most important elements to an effective show.

 LENGTH OF SHOW.

 If you want a full funny show with 3 comics, about 90 minutes has to do with right, with the emcee normally doing 15-20, the middle about 30, and the headliner about 45. If you employ just 1 or 2 acts, anything from 30-75 minutes is fairly typical, however it really depends on whether you desire comedy to be a spice component for your celebration, or to work as the main course.

 TIME OF DAY.

 The very best time for a comic is normally in the evening, but I have actually worked corporate functions at every possible time of day. Almost whenever can work, however if your celebration remains in the morning, I recommend that you try not to start off with funny as the very first course, because your crowd merely will not be all that alert. I've performed at conventions as early as 8 am, and I have actually succeeded, however it's a really different response at 8 AM then it is even an hour later on.

 MAKE THE COMIC( S) COMFORTABLE - IT ACTUALLY DOES HELP THE SHOW.

 Attempt to make your comic( s) be as comfy as possible. If there's food, and it's not prohibitively costly, we always appreciate a great meal.

 It's likewise handy to have a place in the back of the space, or much better still, in another space, for your comics to hang out before the show.

 Many comics are quite low maintenance. We perform in many different circumstances that we're normally quite flexible, however the more you make us feel welcome, the much easier it is for us to concentrate on our job - which is to offer you a terrific show.

 In my own profession, I've entertained at the NY Stock Exchange, opened for leading name acts at major theatres in front of thousands of individuals, been on national TV shows, and appeared at some truly mindboggling corporate events. I've also been at bars, clubs, coffee homes, libraries and drug rehabilitation. No matter what the location or occasion, the less extraneous stuff we have to fret about, the better it is for everything.

 OTHER FUNNY CHOICES - ROASTS AND PUT-ONS.

 Roasts are a fun method to let off some steam about workplace politics and business policies, however again, make certain you get someone who understands what they're doing.

 This is one of the important things I concentrate on and I love doing it, but it's a lot of composing so I do charge more. However what you're getting in return is a lot more customized show.

 When a comic is doing jokes about the business policies and some of your coworkers and officers, the audience is basically constantly riveted. If you do choose a roast, I recommend you examine ALL the comedian's material so there are not a surprises.

 You may also consider the business put-on, where the comedian is presented as a new vice president who's signing up with the company after the holidays with some "fresh new ideas" for enhancing organisation. This gives it an added element of surprise, however again, this isn't something that every comic can manage.

[gokinjeespot]

off the rack #1304

Monday, March 9, 2020

 I want to thank my partner Chris for another successful Capital Comic Book Con at the Delta Hotel in downtown Ottawa yesterday. All of his hard work pricing and preparing our stock and setting up our booth paid off. I am glad that I get a day to recover as the old muscles are aching today. I saw many old friends and customers which made for a fun social event as well. There's a full moon out tonight so get out there and give a howl. Then come back inside and wash your hands.

 Daredevil #19 - Chip Zdarsky (writer) Marco Checchetto (art) Mattia Iacono (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). A gang of super villains paid by the Stromwyns is destroying Hell's Kitchen. Can Daredevil save his home? There's a lot of destruction and the citizens try to defend themselves but it doesn't look good. I like the wild card showing up. I wonder if they will help or hurt?

 Lois Lane #9 - Greg Rucka (writer) Mike Perkins (art) Andy Troy (colours) Simon Bowland (letters). Lois and Renee need to find the assassin Kiss of Death and they get some help from a friend. Batman's appearance was a hoot. This story has been great so far. You should also be watching Greg's TV show Stumptown. Cobie Smulders is killing it as Dex.

 Doctor Strange #6 - Mark Waid (writer) Kev Walker (art) Java Tartaglia & Antonio Fabela (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). Someone has stolen Stephen's magical artefacts and could be mass producing them for evil purposes. He has to team up with Doctor Druid to stop that from happening. This new story is spellbinding.

 Superman: Villains #1 - Brian Michael Bendis, Matt Fraction & Jody Houser (writers) Art, colours and letters done by a bullpen full of others. This $5.99 US one-shot is a muddled mess. It confused me right out of the gate when Superman visits his parents on the farm. Ma and Pa Kent are there. I thought Pa died. Then Superman tells Pa that some Batman tech is going to keep them safe like it does for the Batcave. That was four pages of WTF for me. So that segues into a scene with Lois, Clark, Perry and the new owner of the Daily Planet, Marisol Leone. We find out later that Ms. Leone is the head of some sort of Mafia. Then there's two pages of Lex Luthor and a laughing answering machine message that made me think it was the Joker calling to mock the bald baddie. I can go on and on, like why Bizarro? I hate Bizarro. Also, what is up with Supergirl? Is she still infected from Year of the Villain? All the different art styles didn't help either. This did not make me want to read more DC comics.

 Black Cat #10 - Jed MacKay (writer) Kris Anka (art) Brian Reber (colours) Ferran Delgado (letters). It's a fun-filled, action-packed team-up with Wolverine in Madripoor. How do you like them hyphens?

 Savage Avengers #11 - Gerry Duggan (writer) Butch Guice (art) Alex Guimaraes (colours) VC's Travis Lanham (letters). Doctor Strange's astral form observes the origin of the evil wizard Kulan Gath. It's this story that reveals the way to finally kill the sorcerer. But first, he and Elektra must find Conan. This was my favourite issue of the run so far.

 Conan: Battle for the Serpent Crown #2 - Saladin Ahmed (writer) Luke Ross (art) Nolan Woodard (colours) VC's Travis Lanham (letters). I love these outrageously improbable adventures. Conan chases the Black Cat to get a ring back. This issue takes place in Las Vegas so it's a good chance for the Scarlet Spider to make a guest appearance. Conan does retrieve the ring but how he does made me go "huh?". I really got a chuckle when I saw where Conan and Nyla are zapped to. I'm sure this will cross over with Savage Avengers at some point.

 Strange Academy #1 - Skottie Young (writer) Humberto Ramos (art) Edgar Delgado (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). I expected a fun debut from Skottie Young and he delivers. We meet a lot of kids and a lot of teachers in this new magical school of magic. This reminded me of Avengers Academy and I think I'll like this new crop of young magicians.

 Batman #90 - James Tynion IV (writer) Jorge Jimenez (art) Tomeu Morey (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). Catwoman has a secret that will destroy Batman's love for her and this flashback story tells us what it is. It was disappointing that I guessed what it was before the big reveal on the last page. This new villain, the Designer is kind of interesting and I want to see if Mr. D succeeds in his goal.

 Miles Morales: Spider-Man #16 - Saladin Ahmed (writer) Cory Smith (pencils) Victor Olazaba (inks) David Curiel (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). There are two stories this issue. The first has Miles babysitting his little sister and you just know that things are going to get hairy. Then Uncle Aaron walks into a trap laid by his new boss Ultimatum. What happens next doesn't bode well for Miles. This is another book that I'm thinking of benching. My fondness for the character is waning but I do still like the art.

 Marauders #9 - Gerry Duggan (writer) Matteo Lolli (art) Edgar Delgado (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). This issue has Emma and Bishop dealing with the bad guys. It's really cool how Emma can mess with minds.

 Dryad #1 - Kurtis J. Wiebe (writer) Justin Osterling (art) Jim Campbell (letters). This new fantasy story is about Morgan and Yale and their two teenage offspring Griffon and Rana. There are big swords and monsters and a mysterious ancient race. The mixed race marriage reminded me of Saga. Morgan is an elf and Yale is human. The kids go exploring and open a door leading to a peck of trouble. The characters didn't grab me and this issue didn't spark enough interest in me to want to read the next issue. You might like this if you enjoy books like Rat Queens.

 Strange Adventures #1 - Tom King (writer) Mitch Gerads & Evan "Doc" Shaner (art) Clayton Cowles (letters). Adam Strange is back on the racks in this 12 issue maxi that has him being framed for murder. When Batman passes up the case he's got to go with another hero to clear his name. I really liked how Alanna was handled and that's why I will read the next issue.

 2020 Rescue #1 - Dana Schwartz (writer) Jacen Burrows (art) Scott Hanna (inks pages 17, 19, 20) Peter Pantazis (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). I know from reading Avengers that Tony is alive and well trapped in the past but Pepper Potts thinks he's dead. This story has Pepper trying to find a way to clone Tony using his biological parents' DNA. I picked this off the rack because of Jacen Burrows's art but the writing wasn't even half as good as the old Ironheart used to be so I won't be reading any more.

 Spider-Man Noir #1 - Margaret Stohl (writer) Juan Ferreyra (art) VC's Travis Lanham (letters). This is Peter Parker as Sam Spade, the Shadow and Spider-Man all rolled into one circa 1939. The web-shooters and 45s are jarring to me. Anyways, the art is suitably dark and gorgeous and the murder mystery will have Peter globe trotting to find the killer. If you like hard boiled crime this is the 5-issue mini for you.

 Doctor Doom #6 - Christopher Cantwell (writer) Salvador Larroca (art) Guru-eFX (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). This is like a Bing Crosby and Bob Hope "Road to Terlingua, Texas" movie starring Doctor Doom and Kang. Doom is trying to find a way to keep a black hole from destroying the earth and Kang is just tagging along for giggles. Doom does get what he's after, rids himself of the annoying Kang and figures out how to save the earth. Now he's heading back home with the device and I want to see how he uses it.

 Marvel #1 - this $4.99 US 6-issue mini is for all those Marvel Maniacs pining for stories from the days of yore. Alex Ross curates this anthology of new stories that read like reprints from the sixties. The two stories this issue are:

 "Spider-Man: Make My Day" by Sajan Saini (writer) Frank Espinosa (art) & VC's Clayton Cowles (letters) features a fight with Rhino and an argument with Mary Jane.

 "The Boy…and the Brute" by Kurt Busiek (writer) Steve Rude (art) Steven Legge (colours) & Steve Rude (letters) features Rick Jones, the Hulk and the Avengers.

 These are nice little vignettes and are interesting for the creators involved. They're fun to read and that's what comic books are all about.

 The Flash #750 - It's been a while since I've read a Flash comic so I thought I'd catch up by snagging this $7.99 US anniversary issue off the racks. There are 6 stories inside featuring a bunch of Flashes but mostly concentrating on Barry Allen. Jay the Golden Age Flash and Wally West are here too. There is also a lot of hopping around in time, dimensions and universes that left my head reeling. It looks like future issues of the Flash are going to speed through many divergent plots and I don't want to work that hard to keep track of everything. This issue did not make me want to return to the Flash fold.

[mrmichaelchadler]

Home Entertainment Consumer Guide: December 27, 2018

10 NEW TO NETFLIX

"2 Fast 2 Furious" "Apocalypse Now" "Avengers: Infinity War" "Baby Mama" "The Fast and the Furious" "The Innocents" "Kill the Messenger" "The Little Hours" "Maps to the Stars" "The Theory of Everything"

8 NEW TO BLU-RAY/DVD

"Assassination Nation"

I'm only human and so there's a bit of an impulse to include a release in this column on which I'm quoted on the cover, even if the movie itself is something of a mixed bag. The quote "'Mean Girls' meets 'The Purge" is from my Sundance viewing of this divisive genre film, and is more descriptive than praising. What's been interesting to watch about the conversation around this abrasive, incendiary castigation of internet culture is that I have been very lonely in my middle ground opinion. I like its ideas more than its execution, but find it fascinating how many people either LOVE or HATE this movie. Honestly, we need more movies like that—movies that provoke conversation and debate. So you should see this not because I'm quoted on the cover but because you should pick a side ... or join me in the neutral zone.

Buy it here 

Special Features Deleted/Extended Scenes Gag Reel Trailers

"Bad Times at the El Royale"

This is another movie that people seemed to either embrace or abhor and I finished with a shoulder shrug. Maybe that's not fair. I mostly liked Drew Goddard's single-setting bloodbath, but I'm stunned that anyone sees enough to like or hate here to include in either ten best or ten worst lists for the entirety of 2018. On the positive side, the ensemble is fantastic, especially Cynthia Erivo, Jeff Bridges, and Chris Hemsworth. It's never boring, weaving several subplots on a very bad night at the El Royale hotel into one backstabbing tapestry. It's also too long, too unfocused, and slips through your fingers once it's over. There's a tighter, smarter version of "El Royale" in this one that could have been great. But this one is still pretty good—available On Demand now and on Blu-ray on 1/1.

Buy it here

Special Features Making Bad Times at the El Royale Gallery

"Fahrenheit 11/9"

Did Michael Moore's latest provocation influence the election as he so clearly hoped it would when he dropped it in the heat of the season? Maybe. Probably not, though. The fact is that Moore doesn't have the impact he once did, but should that be the only way we judge him as a filmmaker? As an influencer? It will be interesting to see how his most overtly political films like this one stand up with a couple decades of history behind them. For me, the best pieces of "Fahrenheit 11/9" don't focus on the Trump Presidency but the various stories of the last few years that led to the voter apathy that was arguably the biggest reason he won. And, say what you will about this film's lack of focus, there's a great mini-doc buried within this film about the Flint water crisis that you really should see.

Buy it here

Special Features None

"The Predator"

After the TIFF premiere of Shane Black's latest reboot/sequel to the hit '80s sci-fi/action film, I suspected that I would be in the minority of critics who enjoyed it but didn't expect it to be quite so drastic. I stand by my 2am take in Canada that this is a fun action movie that understands what worked about the original film while also taking some of the same ideas in a new direction. No, it's not going to be anyone's favorite movie of 2018, but it's a quick, enjoyable rental on a Saturday night, and it works even better at home than in the middle of the night in Toronto.

Buy it here 

Special Features Deleted Scenes A Touch of Black Predator Evolution The Takedown Team Predator Catch-Up Gallery

"Schindler's List"

Only this column could go from "The Predator" to "Schindler's List," but that's how we roll at the HECG (and the byproduct of alphabetical listings). For the 25th anniversary of one of the best films of the '90s, Universal has upgraded Steven Spielberg's Oscar winner with a 4K release that reminds viewers why this movie was so rapturously praised when it came out in 1993. Given 4 stars by Roger on its initial release, he didn't wait long to put it in the Great Movies pantheon, and it's a movie that has held up remarkably well. The 4K release is accompanied by a new documentary called "Schindler's List: 25 Years Later," adding to the sense that this is one of the essential 4K Blu-ray releases of 2018.

Buy it here 

Special Features NEW 4K RESTORATION OF THE FILM SUPERVISED BY STEVEN SPIELBERG DOLBY VISION/HDR 10 PRESENTATION OF THE FILM NEW Schindler's List: 25 Years Later - Featurette NEW USC Shoah Foundation Story with Steven Spielberg (2018) Voices from the List - Featurette Let Their Testimonies Speak - Stronger Than Hate About IWitness (2018) AND MORE...

"A Simple Favor"

Paul Feig's mystery/comedy looked like a disaster before it was released. It was coming out at a time of year when studios are known for dumping movies that they don't know what to do with, and it didn't play any fests or get much in the way of critics screenings. And then it dropped and most people were pleasantly surprised. A reasonably big hit (almost $100 million worldwide), "A Simple Favor" filled a hole in storytelling for adults that Hollywood simply doesn't care about as much as they used to. In a time when the mid-budget movie is disappearing, it feels like everything is a part of a franchise or a low-budget indie. The mid-budget filmmakers went to TV. And so it's so heartening to see a solid mid-budget flick that offers a night of entertainment for grown-ups away from Netflix. I'm a little less high on the flick than everybody else (I think Blake Lively is amazing but the movie sags a bit when she's absent), but it's totally worth a rental. 

Buy it here    Special Features 3 Audio Commentaries with Cast and Crew 8 Featurettes Gag Reel Deleted Scenes Flash Mob

"Starman"

When the acolytes of John Carpenter talk about the horror icon, they often stick solely to, well, his horror films. How many pieces can the internet produce about the greatness of "Halloween," "The Thing," or underrated pics like "The Fog" and "Prince of Darkness"? Lost in a lot of the talk about Carpenter is what is actually his highest-grossing film outside of Mike Myers, 1984's "Starman." This has always been a film that I hold close to my heart as I was nine when it came out and, well, that's a good age for this movie. It's an underrated film with a truly great performance from Jeff Bridges. As Roger wrote 34 years ago, "Actors sometimes try to change their appearance; Bridges does something trickier, and tries to convince us that Jeff Bridges is not inhabited by himself."

Buy it here 

Special Features NEW They Came from Hollywood: Re-visiting STARMAN – featuring director John Carpenter, actors Jeff Bridges, Charles Martin Smith and script supervisor Sandy King-Carpenter Audio Commentary with director John Carpenter and Jeff Bridges Vintage Featurette Teaser Trailer Theatrical Trailer TV Spots Still Gallery

"Venom"

Ah, "Venom." Is this smash hit a good movie? Noooo. It's clunky and weird. And yet there's something in here that almost brings it together and that's the totally committed lunacy from Tom Hardy. Whether he's talking to the symbiote inhabiting his body or eating a live lobster out of the tank in which he's sitting, there's something inspired in so many of his choices. Sadly, the rest of the movie totally pales in comparison, including something I didn't think was possible: flat performances from Riz Ahmed and Michelle Williams. As much as I don't want to see "Venom" again, I'll be curious about "Venom 2" just to see if Hardy's energy can be featured in a project that deserves it. 

Buy it here 

Special Features Venom Mode: When selecting this mode the film will engage informative pop-ups throughout the film to provide insight on the movie's relationship to the comics, and to reveal hidden references that even a seasoned Venom-fan may have missed! Deleted & Extended Scenes: These deleted and extended scenes will give fans even more of the Venom action they loved in theaters! Ride to Hospital – Eddie and Venom take a ride to the hospital. Car Alarm – Let's just say that Venom is not fond of car alarms. San Quentin – Extended post-credits scene at San Quentin. From Symbiote to Screen: A mini documentary about the history of Venom in comics and his journey to the big screen. Interviews with Avi Arad, Matt Tolmach, Ruben Fleischer, Oliver Scholl, and Director and Comic Fanboy Kevin Smith. The Lethal Protector in Action: Go behind the scenes with the production crew and learn the secrets behind the awesome Motorcycle stunts, wire stunts, and drones. Venom Vision: A look at how Ruben Fleischer came to the project, gathered his team, and made Venom a reality. Utilizes interviews from cast, crew, and producers as well as Fleischer himself. Designing Venom: Designing and creating Venom meant a huge challenge for VFX artists; follow the amazing journey. Symbiote Secrets: Blink and you may have missed it! Enjoy the hidden references throughout the film. 8 Select Scenes Pre-Vis sequences: See the progression of the visual effects, storyboards and fight chorography compared to the finished film. "Venom" by Eminem – Music Video "Sunflower" by Post Malone, Swae Lee (From Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse) Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse Sneak Peek: Meanwhile in another universe …

from All Content http://bit.ly/2EPZSPN

[mlmcompanies]

Empowr is a network marketing company that offers “the world’s first democratic social platform” and claims to return its profits to the community of users on their network.

Their website talks about how they are “committed to Democracy, Sharing, Sustainability and Justice.”

What’s more, their supposed goal is to help half the planet earn $25 a day or more. Even the World Bank hasn’t set their sights that high. [1]

Sounds interesting, right?

Words like sharing, justice, and sustainability are powerful. Especially when they’re used to describe a potential money-making venture.

But don’t drink the kool-aid yet.

Keep reading to know whether Empowr is right for you.

FAQ

1. What does Empowr sell? Empower is a social sharing site that lets you sell or share anything. What does that mean exactly? Well, think of Empowr as a social media platform, auction site, and e-commerce business all rolled into one. Members earn money by posting and sharing content on the platform, sharing physical products with others in the community (a bit like Uber’s ride sharing), and selling services and products in the marketplace.

2. What are Empowr’s most popular products? According to reviews, the social aspect of Empowr is one of the most attractive features. Members feel like they’re part of a real community.

3. How much does it cost to join Empowr? Nothing. You can join for free, but until you give them your banking information, you can’t earn, either.

4. Is Empowr a scam? We think so. While the technology is real, and apparently people enjoy the Facebook-like interface, it looks more like an online cult than a money-making opportunity. You’ll work hard for the “greater good,” invest your hard-earned money, and you won’t earn anything in return.

5. What is Empowr’s BBB rating? F

6. How long has Empowr been in business? Since 2001

7. What is Empowr’s revenue? Empowr hasn’t released any information. Hoovers estimates it at $5.99 million. [2]

8. How many Empowr members are there? Empowr hasn’t released any information. Hoovers estimates 50 million members. [3]

9. What lawsuits have been filed? We didn’t find any lawsuits listed online. But we also noticed that all negative reviews and complaints had been erased on the BBB site. One review that hadn’t yet been removed mentioned that negative comments (read complaints) weren’t allowed on the site. It’s possible, negativity is policed on the internet too.

10. Comparable companies: ClickFunnels, Global Affiliate Zone

Listen…

Empowr has got high aspirations. I can’t hate on that. But as far as an income opportunity goes, there are better options out there.

Click here for my #1 recommendation

Either way, here’s the full review on Empowr.

Overview

Empowr brands themselves as a start-up, but the secret is that they’ve actually been around for quite a while. About 15 years actually, well past start-up shelf life.

They were formerly known as ProjectUplift, formerly known as Fanbox, formerly known as SMS…well, you get the picture. The company has gone through lots of iterations.

It’s pretty common for MLMs to rebrand themselves and come up with a new name when they fail in an attempt to give themselves a clean slate. However, the amount of times Empowr has had to do that in order to run away from negative reviews is pretty astounding. [4]

Their co-founder, Michael Cyrus Pousti, has written a very self-aggrandizing book called America is an Idea and the American Dream is for Everyone: Why We Built empowr.com that appears to just be a poorly disguised and poorly written recruitment pamphlet for the company.

Before launching the many faces of what is now called Empowr, Pousti was the founder and CEO of CollegeClub.com back in the 90s. He also started Higher Educational Resources, Inc. during his final year as a computer engineering student — search engine technology that helped students find financial aid. The corporation became the first company to successfully commercialize internet searching. [5]

So Pousti has been playing the internet business game since it started. In fact, he practically invented it.

How much does Empowr cost?

The app itself is free to join. There are no immediate fees or monthly memberships, and if you never give them your banking information, you never have to pay a penny (although you won’t earn anything, either).

However, as you use the app to post, share, and promote digital content, the company charges you “advertising credits.” You start out with a handful of these credits but will soon run out, at which point the company will charge your bank account or PayPal account seemingly random amounts for these so-called advertising credits.

There’s no explanation as to how these amounts are calculated, but many users report having sporadic amounts of money withdrawn from their bank without their consent. If you have “earnings” (which aren’t real profits), the app will force you to pay exorbitant amounts of these fees before you’re allowed to cash out your earnings.

So while the app is free, actually participating in this program can add up quickly. The worst part is you have no idea how much it’ll add up to until you’re being charged.

Products

Empowr is billed as a completely democratic, user-run social network that gives its profits back to its users.

It’s designed as a platform for advertising and promoting digital content, though, in that they charge you “advertising credits” to post things. Why you would want to pay undisclosed amounts of money to advertise on an app that doesn’t even see a fraction of the traffic that Facebook and Google do and is far less established is beyond me.

Regardless, the social network doesn’t appear to offer anything all that exciting or new. It also doesn’t have very good reviews on iTunes – 2.5 stars overall, and only 1.5 stars for the latest version. [6]

Compensation Plan

The only thing that’s more of a mystery than the cost of the app is their compensation plan.

They claim to have some sort of algorithm that calculates your earnings based on your posts, interaction levels, content, etc., but then they also tell you that you can post anything you want and get paid for it. Users report seeing anywhere from 60 cents to $2 per post in “earnings” but have no idea how the numbers are calculated.

Empowr reels you in quickly with an “earnings” counter that seems to keep adding up regardless of what you do. People will see their earnings get up to $300 or $400 after only using the app for several days, and some people even report getting notifications and emails of new earnings that accumulated when they weren’t using the app at all.

It’s all smoke and mirrors, though, as “earnings” aren’t actual profit. First of all, you have to wait 90 days for your earnings to “mature” — aka you only get paid every 3 months. And the “earnings” number you get is not the amount that will mature at the end of those 3 months. Because as you use this app, the company is also subtracting “advertising credits” from your earnings, and you have to pay those fees before you can cash out your “earnings.”

If you’re lucky, your earnings might be a few bucks higher than what you have to pay in fees, but a lot of users just end up losing money or getting hit with advertising fees they can’t afford to pay.

Here’s how one unhappy user said it:

“Where to begin..at first I though it was worth a shot and not only did all of the posting of pictures, blogs etc which was very time consuming and also added selling in ‘Market place’. This entailed sourcing product outside and paying to sell inside Fanbox ‘Market place’. Money earnt was in my account and here’s the rub …it was impossible because of the way it was structured, the constantly changing rules in order to qualify for payouts at the end of the month. IPL was forced on us and had to be repaid before you could cash out, plus fees every month and although I sold heaps of product I was always in debt to Fanbox.” –Shirley O (BBB review, 08/13/2018)

Recap

Empowr may be founded by an internet mogul, but it’s is definitely one of the fishier companies I’ve reviewed (see the full MLM rankings here). Literally nothing is transparent here.

Your earnings? A mystery. Your cost? A mystery. The value of the product? Also a mystery.

Doesn’t really sound like a business venture I want to hedge my bets on.

Look, I’ve been involved with network marketing for almost ten years so I know what to look for when you consider a new opportunity.

After reviewing 200+ business opportunities and systems out there, here is the one I would recommend:

Click here for my #1 recommendation

[fossadeileonixv]

Benvenuto, Lucas Paqueta

Tudo bem? Tudo bem.

Our boy nine took the time to watch the latest Flamengo game and wrote a fantastic synopsis of what he saw. I had a little scouting report of my own, but to be honest, nine’s is so thorough I scrapped the whole thing. Enjoy and a huge round of applause to the author!

The Facts

Name: Lucas Tolentino Coelho de Lima

Country: Brazil

Height: 180 cm; 5′11″

Weight: 72kg; 160 lbs.

Foot: Left

Position: Central midfield, attacking midfield

Age: 21

Stat Line (Flamengo 2018): Brazilian Serie A, 24 appearances, 9 goals, 2 assists, 4 yellows

At just the tender age of 19, Paqueta secured a starting spot on Rio de Janeiro’s biggest club in Flamengo. Though he began his career as a center-forward, he has been employed deeper and deeper with each season as both his body and game matured. He’s settled into something of an attack-minded midfielder, shuttling possession up-field and involving himself in within the final third, while still dropping back and breaking up play. 2018 has been his breakout season with 9 goals and an assist in 24 league matches, earning his first senior call-up last month. The combination of his technique and intelligence have attracted the interest of some of Europe’s bigger clubs with Man U, Barca, PSG (I guess they’re a big club?) and Liverpool all courting the starlet over the summer months. Ultimately, Leonardo and if rumors are to be true, Kaka were enough to convince Paq that Milan’s project was the right fit.

And now the low cross to nine...

Nine’s Notes

Sooooo the international break is back upon us for what feels like the tenth time this season and like any sane person, I hate it. The timing of the break couldn’t have been any worse considering we are on a three game win streak and heading into the derby with maximum confidence. Regardless, I was tired of friendlies, which are still as meaningless despite now being masked as part of new Nations League so instead, I decided to scout out our newest, nearly-official Brazilian talent, Lucas Paqueta.

The Game

As TR has already touched on, Paqueta is a key player for Flamengo in the Brazilian Serie A and on Sunday, Flamengo faced off against Fluminese in derby match. The match itself ended as a massive 3-0 win for Paqueta’s side. Flamengo dominated until about the 70th minute, by which time, the score was already 3-0 and the points were secured. Truth be told, the result never seemed in doubt for the Brazilians in red and black with Fluminese struggling to create any chances. However, this shouldn’t come as a surprise, considering that Flamengo are currently in third, only four points off top spot in the league, and Fluminese are languishing in midtable mediocrity.

Also I just wanted to add a quick disclaimer before I go into discussing Paqueta’s performance. I have not watched a full 90 minutes of football in the Brazilian Serie A in at least a decade but the quality of play shocked me. I know I’m spoiled watching mostly Serie A along with some La Liga and PL footie sprinkled in, but this game was truly a chore to watch. The passing was disjointed, the defenders were rash, and both the offensive movement and defensive organization was amateurish. The GolTV commentator snoring around the 65th minute about summed up the state of Brazilian footie today.

Paqueta’s position and involvement

Flamengo’s formation was a hybrid between a 4-3-3 and 4-2-3-1 with Paqueta playing on the left side of the midfield trio (think of Jack’s position). He was clearly told by his manager to remain the furthest forward of the midfielders, serving as the link between midfield and attack.

Most of Flamengo’s attacks came through the left side with their left winger, Vitinho, as the main point of chance creation. Paqueta played the pass before the assist for their first goal (https://streamable.com/dhpqs) and his deflected shot directly led to a tap in for their third goal (https://streamable.com/c42sp).

Paqueta wasn’t dictating the pace, nor do I think he had a great game per his standards but his teammates were clearly looking for him every time they had the ball. And he didn’t disappoint when they did manage to get the ball to him: his passing was on another level compared to every other player out there and he did an excellent job striding out from midfield and transitioning the team to attack. So in terms of where he’ll fit in at Milan, I’d expect him to directly challenge Bonaventura when he gets here.

Strengths

Ball control: One thing that really stood out was how difficult it was for the other team to dispossess Paqueta when he was on the ball. They essentially had to resort to fouling him if they wanted to stop him from dribbling right by them. His size is also a massive plus because he can shield the ball so effectively. I would compare him to Pogba in this sense. This is a players who knows how to use his size effectively to maintain possession and use strength to bomb past defenders. Paqueta does seem to be more of a flashy player than the other two, however, with more of an arsenal of tricks to whip out in tough situations.

Breaking through the lines: Paqueta was an excellent link between the midfield and offense. He effectively uses his close control to stride through the opposing midfield, meaning that the other team would resort to fouling primarily in this game. In the few times that Paqueta did break through the wall of Fluminese midfielders, he picked out some great lateral and vertical passes that either helped shift the ball into an area with more space or create a direct chance. I will admit that there were few moments where he created clear cut chances but near the end of the game, he did play a defense splitting through ball that put the left winger one on one against the keeper.

Decision making: By far the biggest surprise was seeing Paqueta consistently make the right choices when in possession. Based off his highlight reels, he definitely seems like the type of player who values flash over direct football. His performance in this game completely dispels that myth, however. I can only recall one time when he used trickery to beat a defender and he ended up winning a foul in that play (https://streamable.com/43lve). For the most part, Paqueta knew when and where to dribble or pass, which was a massive plus. He is certainly not a ballhog or excessively flashy player – but he does know when to use his range of tricks and flicks.

Defensive work rate: The kid is absolutely willing to put in his shift when his team doesn’t have possession. There was one time when he was actually covering for his right back near the corner flag despite being the left mezzala. In fact, I would even say that he could put in a decent shift in the Kessie role but it would be a waste of his talents. His size and strength are key to making him a difficult opponent to dribble past. Also he’s a beast in the air in both defending and attacking on set pieces.

Weaknesses:

Did not impact the game consistently throughout the 90 minutes: It was a bit disappointing not seeing Paqueta take the game by the scruff of the neck and absolutely dominate it, which he certainly has the talent to do. There were times when it seemed as though the game was passing by him. I also believe that the lower quality of players around him could have contributed to this. His passing was much more intentional and crisp than his teammates, who often failed to pick him out in dangerous positions.

Not taking enough risk when on the ball: I’m being kinda nitpicky here and this is an extension of the previous weakness but I would have liked to see Paqueta create a few more goal scoring chances. He was involved in two of the three goals and should have had another assist but there were a few too many times where I saw him take a safer option. I think this would be less of an issue at Milan considering that we have a few other creative outlets who could press the issue but I would have liked to see a less risk-averse Paqueta. In the grand scheme though, being smart with the ball and knowing when to take risks is an important trait and I think we all expected Paqueta to be on the opposite side of the spectrum and be too risky. So this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, just a surprising observation.

TL;DR

Paqueta has the talent and attitude to be a successful mezzala at Milan. It’ll be important for him to get some rest after a loooong year so I wouldn’t expect him to be starting for Milan before at least mid-February. But I’m optimistic on his chances of contributing in our very thin midfield. He has the propensity to show up from midfield and score a vital goal off a cross or through individual brilliance in the way that Bonaventura does along with a superior ability to create chances from the midfield or at least, push the team into dangerous positions in the final third in games where we need a more direct option. But, he’s gotta continue to work on his understanding of the game and being in sync with his teammates, something that I expect will come become easier for him as he upgrades his teammates in Milan. In conclusion, this move has the makings of another Leonardo coup but I wouldn’t place too much responsibility on him until the start of next season.

[jordoalejandro]

The Second Annual List of TV Shows I Saw the Past Year

A few things before jumping in.

One, I built the list from scratch, so certain shows may have made big jumps either up or down the list. This isn’t meant to reflect huge changes in the quality of the show or how I view it, but it’s just how the cards fell this year. Plus, some shows get cancelled. Some new shows appear. Things fluctuate. You get it.

Two, this list was, thankfully, much easier to write this year. Mostly because I’m not combining a year and a half’s worth of shows into one list so I was able to cut it down from 61 entries to 47, but also because I’m not going to re-review a handful of these, especially ones that remained fairly consistent in quality. I’ve already sort of said everything that needed to be said about MacGyver last year.

Okay, that’s about it. Let’s get to the list.

47. Inhumans (Season 1 - 2017, ABC) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - This show was surprisingly amateurish, from the writing, to the directing, to the editing, to the music, to the acting. Just top to bottom. And I don’t know why. It seems like there was a budget. I know there are professionals working behind the scenes. And I’ve seen some of these actors turn in good performances before. But absolutely nothing was working here. Nothing happened, nothing made sense, the plot was forced, the dialogue was stilted and awkward, and the tone was all over the place, drifting from soap opera melodramatic to super cheesy to weirdly offbeat attempts at humor that kept falling flat. It was like a master’s course in how not to put together a show.

46. Hit the Road (Season 1 - 2017, Audience) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - This was a real miss for me. It's about a family folk band traveling around in a bus, and even though there’s enough awareness that jokes are made about the band being antiquated and uncool, it’s still not able to save the premise of the show as a whole from feeling really dated. Worse, the characters were all broad and clichéd: the scheming dad, the overbearing mother, the slutty teenage daughter, the horny druggy teenage son, the nerdy teenage son, and the precocious youngest daughter. Look, I don't hate clichés -- lots of shows deal in them -- but if you aren't going to do something interesting with the characters, you have to bring it in the writing, and this show didn't. It wasn't particularly funny, often going dirty rather than being clever, and it too often felt like it was being forced into standard sitcom tropes. They're at a county fair this week. First two minutes: every character states what they're going to do at the fair. None of it is particularly surprising, and then the characters go and have pretty much the exact storyline you expect. Episode over. They're performing at a college next episode. Rinse and repeat.

45. Rise (Season 1 - 2018, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - This was a really strange show. It felt like it was simultaneously moving too fast and too slow. Story wise, nothing seemed to happen. Episodes would end and I would think back and try to remember what went down in the episode and come up empty. I could rarely tell you how the plots filled 60 minutes of airtime. And yet, timeline wise, things moved really fast. Weeks would pass between episodes and characters and relationships often seemed to do a lot of off-screen growth. I remember thinking on more than one occasion, “Oh, when did that happen? That might’ve been more interesting to see more of on-screen than what we actually saw.” Especially because what we actually saw on-screen was an alcoholism plot that seemed to go on forever and a ton of play rehearsals that covered very similar ground over and over. Also, the main character, Mr. Mazzu, was so dull and very hard to root for. He had near zero personality and seemed to care only really about specifically putting on a school production of Spring Awakening for reasons that never felt strong enough to justify how crazed he was behaving. Like, he was nuts about putting on that play. It was destroying him personally and professionally but he still insisted. Weird show.

44. MacGyver (Season 2 - 2017-2018, CBS) (Last year’s ranking: 52) - It is what it is. Stupid, entertaining background noise. I feel no need to defend myself.

43. The Last Man on Earth (Season 4 - 2017-2018, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: 44) - I had the same problems with this show this season as I've always with it: there were about three episodes of growth and movement and a bunch of filler in between. Intermittent laughs between hours and hours of way too silly fart humor and awkward moments between characters who should’ve been able to move beyond that by this point. (Seriously, these are the last six people on Earth. They've survived awful stuff together for a while. Why can no one talk to one other? Why can't they have the adult conversations with each other that I could've had with my close friends when I was 12?) The show's cancellation saves me because I likely would’ve kept watching it and kept being upset.

42. Me, Myself & I (Season 1 - 2017-2018, CBS) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - This was a sweet show, with an interesting concept and a good cast. Unfortunately, it wasn't really funny. The childhood era stuff probably worked the best, with the present day era being more hit and miss, and the future era getting the least amount of laughs. It felt like a nice show to watch though. I wasn't miserable at the end of 30 minutes. I guess there's something to be said for a show that makes you feel happy, but I (and I guess most audiences, as the show got cancelled) generally want more. Brian Unger was far and away the best part of this.

41. Splitting Up Together (Season 1 - 2018, ABC) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - I’m on the fence about this one. It has some good moments, but it’s not incredibly funny or surprising. It feels sort of like the plot of a romantic comedy film being stretched out over several episodes of a TV show. I’ll probably check out season 2, but I might bail if I start to feel like it’s just killing time.

40. The Orville (Season 1 - 2017, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - More Star Trek than I’d been hoping for, which is fine but not really my wheelhouse. And it's not like there aren't already a lot of shows doing pretty straightforward sci-fi drama, so it sort of leaves me wondering: why not go a wildly different route? There are a few good sci-fi stories here that make you think, but the show tends to telegraph its turns too much. I honestly don’t try that hard to get ahead of plots -- I try to stay in the moment and let the show go where it's going -- but even I was guessing where the story was heading too often. I'll watch season 2, but I might not stick with it if it continues to play like old episodes of Star Trek with just an occasional joke thrown in.

39. The Gifted (Season 1 - 2017-2018, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - This show started out interesting but it sort of fizzled as it went on. A lot of the most interesting parts of the story happened in the pilot and many of the plots after started feeling repetitive: the good guys try to sabotage the bad guys, the bad guys try to capture the good guys, back and forth, back and forth. The deeper into the season I got, the more I started to wonder: what are we doing here? What’s the end goal? This is another one I'm on the fence with for season 2. I need more of an indication it's heading somewhere.

38. The Flash (Season 4 - 2017-2018, CW) (Last year’s ranking: 32) - It seemed like not a lot was working for me this season. The big bad never felt particularly threatening or interesting (though there were some good individual beats in the overall story). The show also tried to be funny and whimsical way too much this season and I thought that was a big mistake. They introduced the Elongated Man as a side character and used him for a lot of really broad, really bad body humor comedy (the actor was even doing what seemed to be an early 90s Jim Carrey impression). They brought on Katee Sackhoff for several episodes and let her act nuts and do a crazy over-the-top British accent. They did multiple episodes where Tom Cavanagh played various versions of his character with a bunch of different accents for not a whole lot of payoff. I'm sure all this stuff seemed fun on set at the time, but just watching from home, it felt like they didn't have anybody at the helm to say no and reel them back in. There were quite a lot of cringe-inducing moments. Not that this show should be grimdark -- it should be light and fun -- but it shouldn’t be bad stand-up comedian type stuff either. There’s a middle ground.

37. Riverdale (Season 2 - 2017-2018, CW) (Last year’s ranking: 39) - Almost all the characters are insufferable. Nothing ever stays consistent. People are mad at each other one week, then friends again, then mad at each other. Characters make the worst decisions every single time. This is a stupid show. But... it’s also enjoyable. Its stupidity works for it, like when they did a musical episode based on Carrie and one of the character's moms was cast in the high school play for whatever reason. Or the time when a character went to go find her long lost brother and brought him home to live with her family and then, within like an episode, decided he was evil and hated him for living with her family. (By the way, he was ultimately evil, of course, or at least kind of troublesome, so later, the first character felt justified in sicking a masked serial killer on him.) Or when one of the characters got sent to a straight conversion camp run by evil nuns and a couple of other characters staged a breakout and they got chased through sewers by old nuns. Also, that character they broke out later became an archer or something, and she shot an arrow into the masked serial killer that was terrorizing the town for somewhat vague reasons. They have a vicious gang on the show that's constantly getting into serious trouble, but all the characters in the gang are named like, Burgerface and Hula Hoop. Everything's dumb. Nothing makes sense. Entertaining, though.

36. Arrow (Season 6 - 2017-2018, CW) (Last year’s ranking: 31) - Arrow had a down season as well. It wasn't bad, per se, just somewhat dull. In lieu of one big bad, they threw a lot of villains at the wall, but none of them stuck. They had Michael Emerson for half the season, but they misused him. He's very good at the offbeat, creepy type, but they made him a sort of humdrum evil computer hacker. The villain in the back half was a strange choice, too. He was like your basic run-of-the-mill criminal except for some reason, he had enough money to bribe like three-quarters of this major city's police force and elected officials. It's a weird master plan. It's even weirder when you consider there have been several villains of means on this show before who all could've probably done the same thing. I guess they never bothered to check.

35. Wrecked (Season 3 - 2018, TBS) (Last year’s ranking: 51) - This season did an interesting story that's at least somewhat different from the first two seasons and feels a little fresher, but it's still not an amazing show overall. It's good for some laughs and the fun occasional twist, but it isn't appointment viewing.

34. Corporate (Season 1 - 2018, Comedy Central) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - I liked this show most when it got weird and dark. That was its wheelhouse, and it went there well a few times, but I also felt too many episodes seemed to rely on just hitting the “Corporations are bad” theme over and over without actually attempting jokes. It’s coming back for a second season, so I hope they really lean into that weirdness more.

33. The Blacklist (Season 5 - 2017-2018, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: 34) - The Blacklist had a decent season. It was more fun at the start, when they took everything away from James Spader’s Red and forced him to get creative in rebuilding his empire. The end of the season focused a lot more on the yearlong mystery arc, which was kind of a meh -- all the characters chasing after a fairly uninteresting McGuffin. Whatever the payoff to the mystery is, it isn't going to be enough to warrant how much time they spent on it. They're 111 episodes into the show now, you can only change everything so many times. Whatever revelation comes from it should be weighed against the fact these characters have now spent something like five years working together and growing their relationships. I mean, it won’t be. But it should. There were enough good standalone episodes otherwise, though.

32. Nobodies (Season 2 - 2018, TV Land) (Last year’s ranking: 40) - A really enjoyable comedy. The three leads' chemistry and ability to banter with one another was the constant highlight.

31. Legends of Tomorrow (Season 3 - 2017-2018, CW) (Last year’s ranking: 41) - Legends of Tomorrow never shies away from going silly, even if, at times, that leads it to go to almost eye-rollingly silly levels. Still, when it really embraces that type of storytelling, it can lead to amazing episodes, like this season's finale, which featured one of the most unique big bad season ending battles I've ever seen. The show knows what it is and smartly rolls with it.

30. The Detour (Season 3 - 2018, TBS) (Last year’s ranking: 29) - This is still a funny show -- good physical comedy, not afraid to get weird -- but I honestly don’t even know what it’s about anymore. It’s wandered so far outside of its original premise of "a family takes a disastrous vacation." That's not necessarily a bad thing. It's just that the show had a more unique hook at one point and now it's just sort of a dirty family comedy.

29. Life in Pieces (Season 3 - 2017-2018, CBS) (Last year’s ranking: 46) - I found myself enjoying this season more than the last one. The laughs felt more solid and consistent.

28. The Last O.G. (Season 1 - 2018, TBS) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - It’s not hilarious, but it’s got some laughs. More than anything, this show was sweeter than I thought it might be. I was expecting a lot of jokes about hipsters and technology -- and there are some -- but really it's a show about family, empathy, and second chances. Tracy Morgan is great in this.

27. The Walking Dead (Season 8 - 2017-2018, AMC) (Last year’s ranking: 15) - The Walking Dead still provides some thrills and some great episodes, but it is certainly suffering from a bit of drag at this point. Too many filler episodes and too many draws between warring factions meant to just push the conclusion further down the road. Also, the show, while good at zombie action, is pretty bad at doing people vs. people action, which this past season featured a lot of. I think the show would be better served getting away from the comics a little, creating new stories to explore rather than stretching the plot of 16 episodes to match them.

26. The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story (Season 2 - 2018, FX) (Last year’s ranking: 1) - A dark, tragic story, though much more contained than the first season's story and, ultimately, less interesting. The O.J. Simpson season, while generally more entertaining, also had some interesting things to say about celebrity and race. This season had some stuff to say about the sort of quiet prejudice gays faced in the 90s (don't ask, don't tell; police detectives having to treat gay victims of murder with professional respect while trying to hide that they're personally somewhat grossed out by their lives; older gays living semi-closeted or double lives for fear of shame) but it’s mostly about watching Andrew Cunanan, a psychopath, behave like one. You spend a lot of time with him and most of it isn't pleasant. The story structure of the season is interesting choice. It's bookended by the assassination and manhunt, but in the middle, it tells everything that happened leading up to the assassination in reverse order. It's done well enough that the truly tragic figures of the story (the murder victims) have their stories unfold in this fascinating, heartbreaking, slow train wreck sort of way, but it also leads to attempts to (possibly?) humanize Cunanan near the end of the season falling flat, given that we know he does. By the time the season is coming to an end, you're ready for it to happen.

25. Archer (Season 9 - 2018, FXX) (Last year’s ranking: 13) - I do enjoy the ever shifting time periods and places on this show. They're an interesting way to keep things fresh and it's especially fun in the earlier parts of the season when you're seeing how all the familiar characters appear in their new setting. Unfortunately, the show has shifted to a sort of serialized storytelling and it often feels like there isn’t enough plot to stretch over all the episodes. You do sometimes get the sense they're stalling to meet their episode order. Still, the banter between the characters is quality as always, and that's really most of what you come for anyway.

24. Brockmire (Season 2 - 2018, IFC) (Last year’s ranking: 27) - This got less about baseball this year and instead started diving deep into addiction, and, in the process, became so, so dark. I still found it funny, mostly because of Hank Azaria’s fantastic performance, but there were quite a few times this season where this was not an easy watch.

23. Modern Family (Season 9 - 2017-2018, ABC) (Last year’s ranking: 37) - I find Modern Family to still be a good watch. It sort of runs like a Simpsons-esque machine now, churning out mostly decent quality episodes and a few plus episodes but nothing too surprising.

22. The Simpsons (Season 29 - 2017-2018, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: 21)  - Speaking of a Simpsons-esque machine that churns out mostly decent quality episodes with a few plus episodes each season...

21. Bob’s Burgers (Season 8 - 2017-2018, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: 26)  - Bob's Burgers is like that, too.

20. Family Guy (Season 16 - 2017-2018, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: 18) - Also, Family Guy. Though Family Guy tends to swing bigger. It leads to more misses, but bigger hits, like some of my favorite episodes from this season: “Emmy-Winning Episode” and “Follow the Money”.

19. Champions (Season 1 - 2018, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - I thought this was pretty good. It had some snappy dialogue and was decently funny. It's another one of those family comedies you think might skew mean, but actually manages to surprise you with how sweet it is.

18. Brooklyn Nine-Nine (Season 5 - 2017-2018, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: 23) - Brooklyn Nine-Nine had another good season, but I still find myself emotionally cold about the whole thing. I honestly wasn’t entirely broken up by the cancellation, either, definitely a symptom of liking the show while watching but not caring about it otherwise. But, you know, it was saved and is coming back, so I'll set my DVR and watch it. And I'm sure I'll enjoy it, too. I've just never been less excited about a show I really liked getting saved from cancellation.

17. Ghosted (Season 1 - 2017-2018, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - I thought the first half of this show's inaugural (and only) season was decent. It was a sort of comedic X-Files that was entertaining enough. It wasn't hilarious, but Adam Scott and Craig Robinson had good chemistry together and it made it an easy enough watch. But then they went on hiatus and brought in a new showrunner (Paul Lieberstein, of The Office), who basically retooled the show and turned it into The Office, if in The Office, except instead of selling paper, they hunted the paranormal. And I actually really liked it! I thought the show became legitimately funny. I thought it found its footing. It introduced some great new characters and, smartly, flipped the success and quality of the agency. Instead of being this winning group who were actually finding and solving paranormal crimes, it made them underdogs -- a scrappy group of government agents basically forgotten about, left alone, looked down upon by the more important, serious suits, struggling to find a reason for their agency to exist. Aside from just being a funnier way to approach things -- failure generally works better for comedy than success -- it allowed me to connect with the characters more. I began to like them more. I began to care about them. And then, when near the end of the season, they actually turned things around, I was happy for them. It's a shame Fox burned off these better, later episodes on a handful of weekends in the middle of Summer, when the only people who were watching were people who were really committed... and me, who rarely if ever gives up on a show mid-season. (And, of course, the majority of those people who stuck around were fans of the way the show was originally, so they didn't take kindly to the change. Again, not me. I'll watch a show I'm not in love with. And sometimes they'll change a show I'm watching and I'll go, "Hmmm, this is actually a better show than the one I'd been watching." But, see, the problem is, I don't think a lot of people watch shows like I do. Most people only watch shows they like.) I think if they had gone this route from the beginning... the show would still have probably been too weird and likely not found an audience and would have gotten cancelled after one season. But I would've enjoyed it even more, so there's that at least.

16. The Alienist (Season 1 - 2018, TNT) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - My only gripe with this show was that it moved a bit slow at times, but other than that it was pretty good. It had a great creepy vibe to it. It looked great. Acting was solid. And it told a very dark, enthralling story, especially for basic cable.

15. A.P. Bio (Season 1 - 2018, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - I'll admit this felt a little retread-y. It's your basic "Bad Teacher" stuff for the most part (though there were a few glimpses this season of something potentially more than that) but it has a great cast that does well with the material. I don't know if it'll ever ascend from its sort of stock premise, but I enjoy it. (I sort of hope it will, though.)

14. Trial & Error (Season 2 - 2018, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: 28) - Very enjoyable, like season 1, with some good twists and turns and some good jokes. The characters and setting remain the highlights, with basically each episode revealing some crazy tradition or quirk about one or the other.

13. Timeless (Season 2 - 2018, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: 30) - I found this show to still be a lot of fun in its second go-around. They have a good time playing with history and they manage to squeeze in some solid action sequences and a couple of decent love stories, too. I do think, given how hard the battle was just to get this second season, the producers should’ve known the possibility they’d get cancelled a second, permanent time was pretty high. I said last year, I’d hoped they’d take this opportunity to really let loose on the way out the door. They didn’t quite do that, which is a little disappointing but not a deal breaker. What they did do, though, is left the season on cliffhanger, which was a tremendous mistake. It’s shocking to me the producers thought a third season was so guaranteed they could leave their fans (the ones who really fought to bring the show back) hanging like that. They absolutely should've planned for this season's finale to work as a series finale. They, and the fans, lucked out, though, as there’s going to be a TV movie to wrap up the show. Here's to hoping it pays off.

12. Fear the Walking Dead (Season 4 - 2018, AMC) (Last year’s ranking: 16) - Remember what I said in the Ghosted review about watching I show I don’t really love and being happy with big changes to it? Fear the Walking Dead switched showrunners leading into this season. If you ask many of the old fans of the show, this was a horrible decision that ruined the show. Of course, many of these fans will tell you season 3 of the show was better than the mothership show and probably the best season of any zombie show in years. They're wrong on both counts. And I say that as someone who liked the show. But the decision to switch showrunners was good, and season 3 wasn’t God’s gift to zombie-based television storytelling. Fear the Walking Dead was an often frustrating show mostly filled with characters I could not begin to care about. This season did something this show has struggled with for its entire duration: it's given me characters to be interested in. Likeable characters. My favorite episode this season, “Laura,” was basically a fantastic, two character play, featuring two people I'd only know for a few episodes. And I cared more about them than I cared for the characters that had been on this show for the 3 seasons prior. Don't get me wrong, this show can still be frustrating at times, but it's much easier to watch and enjoy when you don't hate more than half the people on screen at any given moment.

11. The Mick (Season 2 - 2017-2018, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: 33) - This show continued to deliver some great physical comedy, some great dirty comedy, and some great performances. It's a shame it got cancelled because it felt like there was a lot of gas left in the tank.

10. At Home with Amy Sedaris (Season 1 - 2017, truTV) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - I really loved this. It's has this great (as could be expected) Strangers with Candy vibe -- weird, dark, and often hilarious. Amy Sedaris is severely underrated.

9. American Dad! (Season 15A - 2017-2018, TBS) (Last year’s ranking: 17) - Another show that's at its best when it's weird and dark. TBS has sort of strange scheduling, and so, according to Wikipedia, I might not have seen all of season 15 yet. I'm judging this based on the 13 episodes that aired in season 15A, I guess. Still, they were a 13 great episodes, the highlight for me being “Shell Game”.

8. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (Season 5 - 2017-2018, ABC) (Last year’s ranking: 7) - I do think this season didn’t quite accomplish what last season did. It felt like there was less money in the show and it sort of showed a bit (like having to do a lot more episodes in the same places to save money on sets). But the show is still one of my favorites to watch. The action is top notch. The storytelling is fun and creative. And, I think most importantly, this is one of the few shows I believe I've ever watched where I legitimately care about all the main characters. They're so well crafted. They're rounded, flawed, vulnerable, loveable. They have different viewpoints. They have great chemistry together. I want to spend more time with them. I’m glad the show’s getting another season, even a shortened one.

7. Arrested Development (Season 5A - 2018, Netflix) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - It doesn't quite reach its peak levels from the earlier seasons, but I think that might be too high a bar to set for it. It's still very snappy and clever and has some of the best running gags on television. Plus, it just feels great to watch the cast get together and play off one another.

6. Animal Kingdom (Season 3 - 2018, TNT) (Last year’s ranking: 5) - I still really love this show -- it's currently my favorite drama on television -- but I do think it took a slight step back from the quality of season 2. They wrote one main character off the show and kept another very main character separate from the rest of the cast for the first half of the season. These aren't inherently bad moves, but here I think it hurt the show a bit. They introduced some new characters to try and add drama and they were more or less successful in doing so, but it just felt like, overall, the show was looking for traction in the early half of the season. Things then shift about halfway through the season and really pick up and get great again, but by then, you only have a handful of episodes left. The show took some risks, they didn't really pay off, but I still enjoyed it quite a bit.

5. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (Season 4A - 2018, Netflix) (Last year’s ranking: 4) - Even though there were only six episodes in this season (or half season? Show scheduling has gotten weird. I don't have to think about this stuff when I make my movies list), they were a great six episodes. The show is incredibly funny. The actors turn in amazing comedic performances. I'll take however many episodes I can get.

4. The Good Place (Season 2 - 2017-2018, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: 8) - The show hasn’t lost a step. It builds on season 1 in new and surprising ways while maintaining an engaging story and staying hilarious. It ended on a super intriguing note, too, making me excited to see where it heads in season 3.

3. Great News (Season 2 - 2017-2018, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: 22) - This is the cancellation that hurts me the most this year. The writing really kicked into gear in the 2nd season and started becoming the 30 Rock type comedy I'd hoped for. It was very sharp and very funny. The cast was gelling. The show was putting out quality episodes every week. And... no one was watching, unfortunately. R.I.P.

2. Superstore (Season 3 - 2017-2018, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: 9) - I've really come to love this show. It's a basic concept but it just executes on such a high level week in and week out (for 22 episodes, no less). The writing is excellent and the cast it truly impressive -- it runs maybe 10-12 deep of unique characters that can all get laughs with single lines of dialogue. There were a lot of fantastic episodes this season, but “Sal’s Dead” and “Video Game Release” stand out as among the highlights.

1. American Vandal - (Season 1 - 2017, Netflix) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - This was just genius. To call this a mockumentary is to do it a disservice. This is a crime documentary. It's just that none of the things in it actually happened and none of the people are real. It's a biting satire of the genre that's handled with such an amazing sense of authenticity, from the way it's shot, to the editing, to the score, you feel like it really could be a precocious, film-loving 16 year old's genuine attempt at a crime doc. The characters, acting, and dialogue all feel grounded and true, and both the comedy and drama of the show are derived naturally from the scenarios -- it never feels forced, and it manages to have some surprising depth at the same time. On top of it all, the central mystery, despite how ridiculous it is, is incredibly captivating. The stakes are real for the characters, so it's very easy to buy in. Amazing work all around.

There you have it.

It was interesting (to me, at least) how some of the shows jumped around the list and other shows stayed in almost the exact same place. Maybe I’m in a different mindset now than I was a year ago. Maybe I’ve grown and matured.

Or maybe I’m just running wild, placing shows based on feeling and seeing what happens.

But isn’t acknowledging being impulsive and careless a sign of maturity?

No. No it isn’t.

Thanks for reading.

- - - - -

Read More:

Annual Lists of TV Shows I Saw the Past Year

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