#like: I can accept that people read their relationship in different ways as long as we all agree
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TL;DR - Because a relationship between two or more people, defined by falsities, isn't what the average person wants.
-Because for most people, the mask they wear, isn't their true self. Its the face they wear, the expressions they show, the impression they put on to hide who they really are underneath and how they really feel. The desire to peel back this layer to reveal what's underneath typically, at least from my experience and from what others have said and said themselves or told me, it comes down to two major reasons.
-1: People who are used to putting up a front because those around them, cannot or choose not to understand them. This situation can make a person feel so utterly and profoundly lonely that it often times draws them into dark or unsettling places within their own minds. Just to be noticed or accepted or to avoid shame or being rejected, the mask remains, but it means that person rarely, if ever, gets to express who they truly are, unabashedly. Sure, anyone with a high sense of self worth or a massive ego would respond to such a notion with something along the lines of "Just be yourself, no matter what happens." But our lives are filled with so many different various different connections, relationships and circumstances that many times, the average person can't afford to be themselves 100% without consequence. The desire to see characters have their masks peeled back to expose who they truly are underneath and be accepted for it, is a primal urge we all seek in one form or another. We want to be loved, seen, valued for both our benefits and our faults. But many times, many people cannot truly express their true selves to even begin to make that connection with someone else and thus, the deep desire to live vicariously through other characters experiencing such a thing is born within those types of people. The desire to tear off their own masks, completely without fear and to be accepted for it, is also what they want from characters they like and can relate to, who are also doing the same thing as them
-2: This is more outwardly in a way and a bit more complicated but ultimately just an inverse of 1. When a person is trying to form a connection with someone they're being open and honest with, be it friendship, partnership, romantic, etc, that person instinctively wants the other to also be willing to share nearly the same level of forwardness, honesty and transparency. Its innate.
-Now of course I need to preface this by saying everyone has a right to withhold aspects of themselves they don't wish to share. If they so choose, maintain as much privacy about yourself as they want. And furthermore, no one is entitled to the same level of trust and affection offered by someone else.
-In spite of that however, attempting to form a bond with someone, one that is genuine and respectful and direct, only to receive lies, falsities and deceit from that other person, isn't exactly a good feeling. People who are trying to connect with others don't enjoy being lied to, pushed away or led down fake paths because they want a real connection, and this also bleeds into what they're reading/watching. When they see a character trying to form a connection with others, create barriers and hide who they really are and their real intentions, all the viewer can see is someone who is a self-prophesied failure in their own desires. A character that truly manifests the concept of genuine victimhood where they desire one thing but actively create the very same problems that causes their own suffering and misfortune, but still crave empathy and sympathy. That level of self-destruction can be very annoying to watch for people who've reached a certain state of self-awareness and maturity for a wide variety of reasons.
-There is a number 3 as well but I think this is too long and too deep as well for a post like this. If could be one for venting, or one seeking a genuine curiosity, don't know. However since the thought was put out into the ether, I responded to it in kind. But anyways, that's at least 2 out of the 3 major reasons I've personally seen as to why people prefer relationships between characters who remove their masks and show who they really are, than characters who base a connection off of falsehoods to hide aspects of themselves from the world and people around them.
personally I do not understand the obsession with revealing whats underneath the mask a character wears all the time. as far as Iâm concerned that mask IS their face. do NOT peel them. thatâs the same as the beast from beauty and the beast turning into just some guy at the end
#narinders veil#lamb x narinder#cotl narinder#cult of the lamb narinder#narinder x lamb#cult of the lamb#the one who waits#cotl lamb#falsehood#deciet#fictional romance#viewership#pretentious nut just rambling about their thoughts feel free for anyone to at me
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If youâre still doing the ship rating- Camilla/Palamedes because Iâm sorry but fusing into one being in a Catholic inspired text is just not a platonic thing to do and âyes, my whole life, yes; always and forever, yesâ is not a platonic thing to say before said fusing
I MEAN... I have no idea what "platonic" or "shippy" means in the context of Camilla and Palamedes, because they are the apex of codependency. In a series that's all about codependent relationships, they raise the bar to new unparalleled heights. They are obsessed with each other. Quite literally two halves of a whole (Paul. Just Paul)
I'm struggling a bit to articulate this but, basically: I get why other people may not read them as romantic or sexual, but ultimately I think it doesn't even matter because they're so much MORE than that. They are such a disaster gordian knot of fucked up and devotion and overwhelming feels that reducing it to whether or not they're fucking seems ??? kinda pointless to me??? because they're each other's whole world. They lived in each other's pockets for years and they shared a body for months. They are each other's whole universe and decided to fuse their souls forever rather than letting one of them live on while the other died. They have SO MUCH going on; what does "platonic" even mean in this context?
tl;dr: I personally do read them as shippy. But also that's not even in my top 3 most noteworthy things about Camilla and Pal, because every facet of their relationship is so rich. I don't even see it as a question of "shippy", I just see it as "it's impossible to disentangle them from one another." They're just. THE MOST complete package. Absolutely completely life partners. Deeply fucked up and they wouldn't have it any other way
(On that note, when I see posts about how the Sixth House have therapy, I think... they absolutely do not. Just because Camilla knows how to do breathing exercises it doesn't mean they are in any way well-adjusted. When Pyrrha Dvue tells you to dial it back, you know you have an issue!
Anyway. Nobody is well-adjusted in this series. Love that for them)
#tbh. I put CamPal on the same level as John and Alecto#except possibly more obsessed with each other because they actually belong to the same species#like: I can accept that people read their relationship in different ways as long as we all agree#that whatever they have going on is fundamental and lifechanging and they can't be parted#campal#truly deeply MUTUALLY OBSESSIVE ALL CONSUMING LOVE wtf is GOING ON THERE#anyway i clearly am not doing the ship game anymore bc i lost the post#but i'm always HERE to chat about devotion's casualties#anonymous#ask
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yes, i'm ready (to fall in love)
ââ Ëââ©â§â genre: smut, fluff, mild angst
ââ Ëââ©â§â synopsis: after reader is persuaded into putting herself back out there by long time friend, shoko, she successfully ends up scoring a date. unbeknownst to her, though, the gods have different plansâand one of them seems especially interested in her relationship with ex-husband, gojo satoru.
or in other words: a failed date results in a night of passion amongst former lovers.
ââ Ëââ©â§â contents: 13.5k words, ex-husband!gojo + co-parent!gojo, slight dub-con (alcohol use), dumbification, overstimulation, vaginal penetration, unconventional form of contraception (pull-out method - donât do this), pussy eating + one oc for the sake of plot
ââ Ëââ©â§â note: i know this is really long and most people donât have the attention span for it but PLEASE give it a chance! this is literally the longest piece of fiction iâve ever written and iâm really proud of it :(
songs to listen to for best reading experience: donny hathaway - i love you more than youâll ever know barbara mason - iâm ready partynextdoor - showing you bryson tiller - been that way
After you divorced your ex-husband, and decided to devote all of your time to being a mother, you never really considered getting back into the dating world. Not that you didnât eventually want to settle down with someone new, but the dating world now was just soâdifferent.
Different in the sense that meeting people organically was becoming increasingly difficult. It wasnât like how it used to be in high school or college, and it really didnât take that much effort then to get a manâs number by the end of your outing.Â
When you were in your early twenties, a brush of your hand on a manâs arm wouldâve worked. An âaccidentalâ bump into someone at a grocery store or cafe mightâve ended in a quick lay. Using these tactics today, though, might earn you some weird looksâhaveâearned you some weird looks.Â
Youâre on call with a friend from college when you begin recounting something embarrassing that happened to you recently. At first, the conversation started out about all of the professors you wouldâve slept with (if given the chance), but then, one thing led to another, and she asked you something that made you wince:Â
ââHowâs your dating life been since, you know, Satoru?ââÂ
Thereâs a heavy silence from your end, and she almost thinks you hung up.Â
âI mean, if you want to share,â she splurts, attempting to approach this gently, âI know that after the divorce, I wasnât there for you like you needed, but Iâd like to make up for thatâif youâd let me.â
Shokoâs always been like that. Blunt and charismatic, but gentle and zephyr-light in the way she cares for those closest to her. Itâs a trait of hers that you admire, because not so many people would care to treat your heart with such fragility.
âNo, itâs okay. You can ask, you know, itâs not this secret thing,â you start, sighing before continuing, âit happened, and it was a mutual decision.â
Shoko hums on the other side, âWell, Iâm still sorry. I let us go without talking for far too longâŠâ
âWell, I accept your apology, even if itâs unwarranted. Like I said, it was mutual andâŠthere wasnât really an intense grieving period for me? The only thing that hurt me is that you distanced yourself. I mean, the girls did miss their aunt ShokoâŠâ you say, trying to make her feel bad but not too bad.Â
âI know, I know, Iâm a bad aunt,â she jests, then the tone shifts to something serious. âI think I was just scared because both of you were my best-friends. I didnât want to âpick sidesâ, but I see now that it was a mutual decision, so Iâm assuming you two are on good-terms?âÂ
Again, you pause, âI mean, yeah. Satoru will always be my best friend. We may not be together romantically but heâs such an integral part of my life, I couldnât do thisâall of thisâalone.â After you say it, you feel a weight being lifted off of your chest that you didnât know was even there.Â
You think nobody would understand if you told them this. You think theyâd question how a person could divorce someone whoâs supposed to be their best-friend. And with the way you describe it, theyâd probably think you were still in love with him. But Shokoâs different, she gets it. Which is why saying it to her came so easily.Â
âHe is a great father,â she chimes in, âbut you two rushed into it so quickly, I donât think either of you had time to discover yourselves after college.â
Although she canât see it, you smile. Because she gets it. Even if time did place itself in between the two of you, she was there for most of it, when things were still touch-and-go. When things were fresh, and clumsy.Â
âExactly, that was our biggest gripe,â you admit, âWe didnât afford ourselves that time to grow, and I think that hindered our relationship. We werenât husband and wife first, we were parentsâand we were young, way too young.â
âYou made it, though,â Shoko tries to brighten the mood, âyouâre both amazing parents, and I know those beautiful girls that you created are lucky to have you.âÂ
The intimacy of the conversation sends your emotions into overdrive. You quickly realize how much you missed her, how much you yearned to talk to her. To reconnect on this level.Â
A single tear cascades down your cheek, and you try not to sound like youâre crying when you say, âOk, enough about that. You wanted to know about my shitty dating life, right?â
It happened last week, the grocery store incident. You were out picking up a few things for dinner when you spotted a cute guy standing outside of the aisle a few rows from you. He was fit beyond measure, in looks and strength, and was wandering around aimlessly in pursuit of red pepper flakes.Â
Coincidentally, you just happened to be in the seasoning aisle, and like the good samaritan you were, decided to personally hand-deliver it to him.Â
You wince as you vividly recall the embarrassing ordeal that ensued immediately after.Â
âHey,â you peer from behind the aisle, with a bottle of red pepper flakes in tow. âI heard you mumbling about finding this, and you looked pretty lost, so I thought Iâd pick âem out for you.âÂ
The manâs brows furrow briefly before his lips up-turn into a grateful smile, âOh, cool, thank you so much!â As quickly as the conversation started, it ends even quicker. He gives you a final nod of endearment before heâs turning around on his heels to resume his shopping.Â
âGod, could he be any more dense? The men today really make you work for it, huh?â you mumble to yourself, pulling the bosom of your blouse down until a good amount of cleavage is on display. âOkay, alright. You got this, you got this. This always used to work, right? Yeah, men love boobs.â
Walking up to the man again, you try a different approachâa bolder approach. âNot to be a bother but I was wondering if I could-â
âBabe? Oh, there you are,â a new voice interjects. The owner of the voice emerges from around the corner and walks up to the man with a cart and a baby in tow. Youâre stunned, to say the least. All you can do is stand there and blink in complete and utter dumbfoundment. As you remain in their presence, you take a moment to analyze the woman. Sheâs gorgeous, and toned. A real model-type broad, with feline-ish features that make so much sense paired with the man who appears to be her partner.Â
Oh, you think, and apparently say aloud, too. Thatâs when the woman turns to you, finally acknowledging your much smaller, and much quieter presence.Â
âHi, can we help you?â she smiles, and itâs actually genuine. Toothy and perfect, and totally not jealous. You blink once, twice, before gathering your wits to answer her question.Â
âYeah, uh, no. I actually, uhm, was helping your h-husband. He was looking for red pepper flakes,â you mutter embarrassedly, and point to the bottle in his hand. Upon further observation, you notice that she isnât exactly wearing a ring. You find this odd, especially because his not wearing a ring is what encouraged you to pursue him. Carefully, you prod.Â
âIf I may ask, how come neither of you are wearing rings?â The couple gives each other a look, one that makes you feel like the odd man out. A look that is universally known, and without a doubt, could easily be translated to: âdid this chick really just ask that?â
Still, you smile as you wait for an answer. The woman takes the initiative. âYeah, we donât really believe in rings, isnât that right, babe?â she says so matter-of-factly. You blink again for what seems like the thousandth time, because of all things, you did not expect that to come out of her mouth. Her husband is quick to validate her statement.Â
âYeah, we think rings are unnecessary, you know? You donât need a piece of metal to confirm your feelings,â he says walking to his partnerâs side and wrapping an arm around her.Â
Disgustingly, the two give each other googly eyes before locking lips briefly. You can tell theyâre the type to probably share this information with just about any soul who asks. Today, you just happened to be that unfortunate soul.Â
âAre you married?â she queries, tilting her head against her husbandâs chest.
âI was, now we justâŠco-parent,â you purse your lips, ready for this entire interaction to be over. The woman frowns at your answer, and this time itâs not as genuine.
âAwe, well, Iâm sorry to hear that.â
âIt was actually a mutual decision,â you quip.
âOkay,â she smiles, widening her eyes at her husband to signal a departure, âwell, it was nice meeting you, and thank you for the red pepper flakes.â
The family turns away and heads to the front where check-out is. You donât even buy the items you intended to purchase, just leave your cart in the middle of whatever aisle you abandoned it and leave the store.
âOh, baby, you didnât?â Shoko asks in horror. You nod your head, still forgetting she canât see you and the way youâre sliding down against the wall.Â
âI did, and I shan't ever again,â a laugh erupts from your throat.Â
âI mean, fuck, are we getting old? âDonât believe in rings,ââ she mumbles, âDonât believe in rings, my ass! Is this what the youth are doing these days? Not proposing with rings?â
Now that you think about it, you wonder how that would even work. âYeah, right? I mean, how does that even work? âWill you marry me? But, actually, you should know I donât have a ring for you, so people will have to guess that weâre together purely based on vibes and energy,ââ you mock, in a not-so-great man voice.Â
Shokoâs laughing so hard by the end of your bit that she breaks the sound barrier, and the sound that makes on the phone sends you into your own fit of laughter. You laugh so hard it seems like a stream of pee comes out. Curse your developed incontinence after motherhood.
âGod, youâre so stupid, I canât breathe,â she says exasperatedly, and you know that on the other side sheâs probably keeling over in her bed.Â
âOh, please. I bet you havenât laughed this hard in a long time, bitch.â
âI havenât,â she cackles. This back-and-forth continues until the two of you settle down enough to continue discussing your (pee-inducing) love life.Â
âYou tried any dating apps?âÂ
Itâs a simple and valid question, but it only makes you laugh even harder. You only stop when the other side of the line goes quiet. âWait, seriously?â
âYeah, seriously. Itâs what everyoneâs doing these days! Youâre not that old, you know.â
âShut up,â you kid, â itâs just that I never considered it. I mean, dating apps feel so impersonal. How serious do people even take it?âÂ
âSure, thereâs people who use it for casual hook-ups and stuff, but a lot of people do come out of it with a relationship. Just donât knock it âtill you try it.â
âOh?â you muse, curious. You wish Shoko could see your face, and the weird little dance your brows were doing. âShoko, have you used a dating app before?âÂ
The brunette kisses her teeth. âCanât get anything past you.â
âNever.â
Thereâs a sense of hesitance but you encourage her to elaborate because âshe became estranged from you for almost a decade and needed to pay her duesâ. Sighing defeatedly, she eventually acquiesces.Â
âFine, fine, maybe IâveâŠbeen on a few dates,â she starts, ââand had a few one night stands, maybe more than a few, and maybe even dated a guy that turned into my stalkerââ
âIeiri Shoko! You naughty, naughty girl! Wait, stalker?â
âTo make a long story short, I got a restraining order on that creep. Anyway,â she segues, attempting to change the subject, âWe should make you a profile!â
For the rest of your phone call, Shoko guides you through all of the dating app basics. She offers her expert advice as you scroll through your camera roll for potential photos to use. You go through about a hundred before you finally settle on five that she really likes.Â
The one that she tells you to put first is a photo of you in a bikini. Itâs a few years old but she says you look âradiantâ and that your âtits were practically spilling out of the cupsâ. Plus, for further consolation, she says most people on dating apps are liars.Â
âEveryoneâs got at least one old photo on their profile, doesnât make you a catfish,â she quips, âjust means youâre a nostalgic person!âÂ
âRightâŠâÂ
The next one is a selfie. Youâre smiling big in it, showing your gums, and itâs genuine. Shoko says guys like those types of photos because it shows them that youâre approachable. It also won her over because itâs fairly recent, too.Â
Out of all your photos, thereâs only a select few that were taken within the year. You had to admit to her that you never really took photos of yourself anymore. Satoru took most of your candids. Still, she had a mission. And she wasnât going to be satisfied until she stuck around to see your first match.Â
âAfter the selfie you should put the one of you with the girls.â
The picture sheâs referring to is one Satoru also took. You remember that day fondly, and even now, the memories feel like a warm embrace.Â
about 8 years ago . . .
âDad, mom, look! Hurry!â Hana, your oldest, shouts. Satoru and you are sitting on a blanket up on the sand dunes with Haruki, whoâs trying her best to make a sand castleâto no avail.Â
âWhat is it, hon?â Satoru and you rush over to her, snatching toddler Haruki in the same breath. When you get to the scene, a flood of warmth washes over you upon discovering the âthreatâ.Â
âSee, itâs baby turtles!â Hanaâs squatting in the sand, watching with pure and unfettered fascination as the hatchlings crawl north to the ocean. When she looks up at you, with eyes so bright, and a smile so big thatâs missing two of her front teeth, you want to cry.Â
âOh, hon, thatâs beautiful,â you gasp, lowering to your haunches so that you can join her. Satoru is about to follow suit before deciding at the last minute to go back to the blanket. When he returns, he snaps a picture unbeknownst to you. Eventually, though, you turn your gaze to him and he capturesâwhat he used to think thenâthe âprettiestâ photo of you.
âYou sneaking photos of me?â you squint, pointing at him. He trods closer until heâs standing above you. Then he snaps another. Your headâs tilted up, and youâve got one eye open, and the other closed because of the sun. He always liked when you squinted like that because it made your nose do this cute little scrunch.Â
âYup, âcause youâre my muse.â
Youâre pulled out of your daydream when Shoko says your name on the other line.
âYou still there?âÂ
âYeah, itâs justâŠâ
âJust what?â she queries, waiting for a response.Â
âI wanna use it, but my ex-husband took it. It feels weird, you know? And do I want to use a photo of me with the girls?â
âHon, who cares if Satoru took the photo? Itâs still a good photo, and to answer your second question, why wouldnât you include a picture with your girls?â
âI donât know, I guess Iâm just afraid no one will be interested. Nothing about a picture of a mom with her two daughters exactly screams âfuck meâ.â
Shoko lets out a small chuckle but youâre being serious. âOh, sweetie. Youâre so cute. Milfs are in these days, I donât think Iâm the one getting old, I think itâs just you!â
âHa-ha, laugh at the mom,â you feign annoyance, but give her a laugh in return.
âBut seriously, please use that photo. Nobodyâs going to skip you just because youâre a mom. A lot of men on there have kids of their own, just gotta tweak your settings,â Shoko reassures you.
By the end of your call, the profile is set. You thank your old friend for the previous heart-to-heart conversation, and the time she spent helping you set up your profile.
âKeep me updated, and donât talk about mom stuff, okay? Now, Iâm not saying you canât talk about them,â she begins, âbut show these guys your personality! I know sheâs in the closet somewhere hiding next to our old slutty clubbing clothes.â Â
Then, the both of you say your goodbyes and she wishes you a good-luck on your newly established dating journey. As you lay in your bed, you give your profile a final onceover. Not too bad, you think to yourself.Â
You ended up using all of the photos she had originally picked out for you. Even the beach photo. To compensate for your old photos, though, Shoko made sure that your prompts were witty and full of personality.Â
âIâd match me, I think. No, yeah, these are funny. She did a good job.â
The following day, you open your phone to fifty notifications from the dating app. A tingle of excitement shoots through your body from the tip of your toes, to the top of your head. It takes all of your might not to squeal in the office.Â
âHoly fuck,â you whisper at your desk. The amount of notifications that you initially saw on your homescreen read â50â but when you opened the app, it showed you an overwhelming â100â with a fat plus sign next to it. âWait, are these all the people who liked me? Shokoâs gonna flip.âÂ
Getting up from your chair, you make a beeline to the nearest bathroom. Not that you have to use it, but so you can scroll through all the potential prospects without your boss seeing you on your phone.Â
Pulling open the door to the bathroom, you close it shut behind you and lock it. A few minutes pass in the time youâre able to get through about half of the people who liked you. You end up skipping a lot of them. Theyâre either too young, too self-absorbed, creepy, or just downright not your type.Â
Some stick out, though. Even trick you into thinking theyâre potential matches, but then the other shoe dropsâbecause thereâs always another shoe. Youâll scroll through their profiles, and theyâll seemingly have all the perfect traits: intelligent, witty, handsome, tallâand then, boom. You see their âdonât want kidsâ preference. Every failed match only discourages you more and more.Â
Itâs weird, because your profile preferences are set to âhave kidsâ and you even have a photo pictured with your girls. So why are men liking your profile despite that? After a few more scrolls, youâre just about ready to head back to your desk but thenâyou have a hit.Â
Your finger hovers over the âxâ at the bottom of the screen, then retracts. The guyâs profile at first impression is miles better than the rest, itâs almost too good to be true. His first photo is what piqued your interest. Itâs of him posing for a silly photo with his sons, and heâs got his arms draped around their shoulders.Â
As you scroll down his profile, you see that thereâs even more of him with his children. You take this as a green flag. He wants people to know he has kids, and that he isnât embarrassed to show them off. You admire him for it.Â
The last few remaining photos are an amalgamation of selfies and full-body photos. To the average, well-adjusted adult, looks wouldnât be a deal breaker. But he definitely wasnât too bad on the eyes, and you were not complaining about thatâespecially, after the odd men you had to scroll through to get here. In other words, he was gorgeous and still fit despite being older than you (him, respectively being in his early forties).Â
Checking the time on your phone, you realize that youâre pushing your little âbathroom breakâ. Before heading back to your desk, you decide to respond to his first photo.
You: Cute! Could never get my girls to stand so still for a photo like this now haha :)
Work goes by slower than youâd like, but finishes up just in time when you get a notification from the dating app. Youâre a little more excited than youâd care to admit. Tidying up your workspace, you say your goodbyes to your colleagues and head to the elevator. Absent-mindedly, you rush to answer his message but realize it wonât go through because of the elevatorâs poor service.
Kazuki: Oh, theyâre moody and grown now, donât be fooled. I can't remember the last time I saw my youngest smile.Â
You donât answer his reply until you get home. Actually, you do just about everything but answer his reply: check on the girls, shower, prepare dinner, pour a glass of wineâyouâre nervous, and you donât know why. But you know you should probably answer soon before he becomes disinterested. So you get comfortable in bed with your glass of wine and pull open his chat.
You: Lol, know that all too well. Kids are little assholes, arenât they?
The speed in which he reads your text is startling, you donât even have enough time to close out of the chat. Then, he responds.Â
Kazuki: Hell yeah they are!Â
Kazuki: Sometimes I want to strangle my youngest. Heâs at that age where heâs starting to rebel and question everything. I told him he was supposed to be the âeasyâ one, but his knucklehead brothers are bad influences on himâŠTell me, does it ever get easier?
You: Sounds a lot like my oldest. She used to cling to me like a koala but now sheâs the ring leader, and Iâm the enemy. My youngest still loves her mama, though (for now lol).Â
You: And to answer your question, Iâd like to think so?Â
You take a second before continuing your response. Shoko told you to keep the mom talk limited, but this seems to be working for you so far, and heâs genuinely interested in what you have to say. So for once, youâre going to ignore her advice.Â
You: Kids go through phases. It's our job to reassure them that weâre not going anywhere. No matter how much they push us away or try to, that is :)
Kazukiâs chat bubbles pop up, then disappear. You think heâs deciding on what to say.Â
Kazuki: I can tell weâre gonna get along great. Itâs nice opening up like this, you know? Talking to another parent. If I'm being honest, dating apps have always intimidated meâŠ
Kazuki: People see kids as âbaggageâ, and it really bothers me. My kids arenât baggage. Theyâre the best parts of me. And if someone doesnât see that, then we have no business getting to know each other.Â
Kazuki: Sorry for getting all sappy. Just felt like I needed to say it.Â
His apology makes you frown. It feels like a breath of fresh air to hear someone talk about their kids so lovingly, because you feel the exact same way. Youâre glad you downloaded the app, and you make a mental note to thank Shoko again later (after you debrief her about this).Â
You: Never apologize for speaking about your kids! And if weâre being absolutely transparent, that was my biggest gripe with downloading this app, too.Â
You: Iâm so glad we matched each other. Iâd like to get to know you more. And Iâm hoping the feelingâs mutual?
Kazuki: Itâs more than mutual.Â
Kazuki: Donât want to get ahead of myself but how do you feel about dinner? Thereâs a cool high-scale restaurant in the city that I havenât been to yet. Heard itâs got two Michelin stars despite opening up not too long ago.Â
The prospect of going on a sit-down dinner date has your stomach in knots. Itâs been a hot minute since the last time youâve done so, but youâre eager to know the man behind the screen on a more personal level. Plus, being treated to a high-scale restaurant with two Michelin stars doesnât seem too bad either. Youâre never one to turn down free dinner.
You: Iâd love to, but how soon we talkinâ? Gotta see if itâll align with my schedule.
Kazuki: Howâs this Friday at 8 sound? :)
The days leading up to Friday breeze by in a blur. For the majority of the week, it feels like youâre walking on cloud nine. Eventually, the conversation transitions from the dating app to exchanging phone numbers, and since then, the two of you have been texting back-and-forth everyday.
You talk about mundane things. Work, shows, movies, books youâve recently read, what your kids are up toâbut the other things? The other messages are flirty, and sexy, and filled with so much tension that it could cut a rope in half.Â
In between messages, the two of you have also exchanged a few photos. Nothing risquĂ© or anything of that nature, just random photos of you throughout the day. The last one he sent was a few hours ago of him at work, captioned with: âCould this meeting be any longer?â.Â
You reply to the message with the âha haâ reaction, in consideration of not wanting to get him in trouble at work (even if he was the one who initiated the conversation). As the days go by, though, you make it a habit to update Shoko every step of the way.Â
Her first reaction to hearing about him was enthusiastic. That is, until you showed her screenshots from his profile. You vaguely remember her saying something that was meant as a compliment, but came out more like an insult.Â
ââOh, heâs a dad!â was her initial response, âoh, heâs a dadâŠand he really loves his kids. Youâre meant for each other.ââÂ
When you tried to ask her what she meant by that, she changed the subject. Every update since then has earned slightly more positive reactions, though.
Today, you ask her for more advice. Only this time, youâre on video call.Â
âShokoooo,â you drawl, âour date is tomorrow! You have to help me find something to wear.â The panic in your voice is so palpable, she can almost feel your shaky hands through the screen. Flipping the camera, you hurriedly pan your phone around the closet.Â
âBreathe, girl, breathe,â she demonstrates first, before telling you to repeat the same motions. âTake me to that section over thereâno, not that oneâwait, yep, there.â You amble over to the area sheâs directing you to through the phone.
âWhatâs that black little number right there?â She points. You prop the phone up on a shelf and scour through the section, tugging out a dress you havenât seen in ages (which has you questioning how she even spotted it because it was pretty far back into the closet). Walking back into frame, you hold the fabric up to your body.Â
Shoko nods in approval, âThatâs the one, babe. Try it on!âÂ
Itâd been about a decade since the last time you wore this dress. Itâd also been about a decade since you were ever this small. Looking in the mirror, you run your hands over every surface inch, every crevice of the dress, in a newfound sense of appreciation for the adult weight youâve gained since becoming a mother.Â
The dress was always stunning but it hugged everything perfectly even more so now. When you walk back into frame, your friend gives you a look of pure adoration. Sheâs so enthralled that she snaps a few screenshots for keepsaking.Â
âThank god itâs Satoruâs turn to get the kids tonight,â she says, ââcause youâre definitely getting some tonight.âÂ
You roll your eyes, reminding her sheâs on speaker phone. âOh, please. Itâs just dinner!â
âNot in that dress,â she retorts, wagging her finger in the camera. While the two of you continue to chat about the details of tonight, a knock on your bedroom door draws your attention.Â
âMom, can I come in?â the voice sounds. Itâs Haruki.Â
âCome in, hon!âÂ
After you give the ok, you turn to Shoko and mouth to her to behave. Haruki turns the knob and enters, closing the door behind her. She sees you standing in front of the mirror before you see her, and silently utters a âwowâ. Youâre just about done putting your earrings in when you join her in the other room.Â
âWhat do you think, bun? Does your mom look hot?â you spin around, smoothing your hands down the length of the dress. You wait in anticipation for her approval, because if anyone could tell it like it is, it was always going to be a kid. Your Haruki was no exception.Â
âYou look really pretty, Mom. Iâm glad youâre going out tonight, I mean, you donât really have friends so I think this will be good for you,â she elaborates, though you wish she wouldâve stopped at the compliment.Â
Still, it puts a smile on your face to hear her verbalize that sheâs okay with you doing something for yourself. You never quite discussed the prospect of getting back out there with your kidsâand not even intentionally. It just never felt like the right time.Â
âYou couldâve stopped at the compliment, punk!â you grab her, then wrap her in your arms, âbut thank you. Love you, bun.â
âLove you more, mama.â Neither of you make the effort to pull away. Instead, you both stand there. Hugging, breathing, embracing each otherâs warmth. You donât always get hugs this good, so when you do, you savor it. Drag it out until your arms and legs get all tingly.Â
Or until someone interrupts. Another knock on the door. This time itâs Hana.Â
âEw, whatâs going on?â Hana feigns a look of disgust. You know sheâs just jealous; sheâll never admit it, though. Which is why sometimes you have to force her to participate.Â
âGet over here,â you scrunch your nose, forcefully pulling her into your tight embrace. She tries to protest but eventually accepts defeat. You squeeze them both until they whine that they canât breathe anymore. Then you squeeze them some more because this oneâs for you.Â
âMy special girls,â you breathe in, taking in all of their love. Soaking it all up so that tonight you have the courage to try again. To allow yourself a love of your own. When you let go, thereâs a sniffle from the closet. It totally dawned on you that Shoko was still on the phone.Â
âTheyâre so big now, they donât even know their auntie,â she fakes a sob, blowing her nose into a tissue.Â
âMom, whoâs on the phone?â Haruki queries with a confused expression etched onto her face. It suddenly dawns on you again that although youâve been communicating with Shoko again, you havenât exactly told them.Â
âHey, you came in here to tell me something right, Han?â Your attempt to change the subject is poorly done, which doesnât come as a surprise to you considering deflection has never quite been an ability you excelled at. Nonetheless, the look of suspicion they give you after is fleeting before they explain to you in unison that their father is here.Â
âYour fatherâs been waiting down there this whole time and nobody cared to tell me?â you whisper-yell, left eye twitching to emphasize your ill-preparedness. The girls only shrug their shoulders in response, like this was something you were just supposed to know.Â
âWell, you did force us into a hug and make us do all that Kumbaya stuff,â Hana mumbles under her breath.
âOkay, enough about all that. Are you guys all packed? Where are your bags? I donât want your dad seeingââÂ
âYou donât want dad to see your date, right?â Hana raises a brow, all knowing. Sometimes she was a little too smart for her own good. You want to blame that on the private schools Satoru had them enrolled in, but really you just know sheâs just a menace in her own right. She learned that from him.Â
âI agree with the kid,â a voice chimes in. You rush to the closet and grab your phone from the shelf. Thereâs a huge, shit-eating grin on Shokoâs face. Somehow sheâs responsible for this. You donât know how yet, nor do you have proof, but you know it.Â
âOkay, thank you, love you, bye!â Before you can hang up, Shoko blurts something.Â
âTell him I said hi,â she begins, ââandnottogetahardonwhenheseesyou!â
You hang up the call and roll your eyes, chuckling to yourself because of her idiocy. When you enter the corridor, you hear a faint sound of hushed voices from downstairs. Itâs only when you round the bannister at the top, when those voices become discernible and louder.Â
You stop at the top, and when your eyes meet his, it feels like all the air in your lungs have expelled. Suddenly, youâre hyper-aware of what youâre wearing, and the fabric, and the way it clings to your body. Neither he, nor you, look awayâyou should, you want to, but you donât.Â
And in the time the two of you gaze upon the other, time stops for a modicum of a second. In this second, you and him are the last two souls in the world. At least, thatâs how it feels anyway before he breaks eye contact.Â
You shift your gaze shortly after, and put on a trained smile. Those eyes of his were always so intense. You guess you forgot over the years how easy it was to lose yourself in the crystalline pools of them. Gathering your wits, you resume your movements and saunter down the imperial staircase.Â
âHey, didnât mean to keep you waiting. Sort of lost track of time, but I think the girls are all packed,â you say, your voice coming to a decrescendo upon noticing the way his eyes trail over your frame. Theyâre unreadable, though. Indifferent, and honestly, youâre not sure how to feel. So, you begin fidgeting uncomfortably with the rings around your finger.Â
Then, he smiles. Itâs eerie and fake. âNot a problem, I havenât been here too long. But, uh,â he begins ambling around the place, touching random objects around the living room, âDidnât know you had plans. Whatâs the occasion? Going out for drinks with your colleagues?âÂ
You furrow your brows, confused with his sudden interests in your plans. It wasnât really like him to prod. âNo, actually,â you rock back-and-forth on the balls of your heels, âiâmâŠiâm going on a date,â you finish with a pursed smile. He only nods his head in response, still walking around the place touching stuff, messing with the picture frames on the mantle. Theyâre all crooked now.Â
âHow come this is the only picture you have up of me,â he asks suddenly. You know, that he knows, the answer to that. And he knows, that you know, youâll indulge in his games anyway.Â
âThe girls wanted them in their rooms. Why do you ask? You want me to go grab them and put âem all up around the house?â Again, he doesnât say anything. Just gives you a final once over before heading back to the foyer to ask if the girls are all set to go.Â
âYeah, but I canât find my tablet, dad. Can I go look for it?â Haruki speaks up. âI thought I packed it.â
Satoru looks at the time on his watch, pinches the crease in between his brows. âSure, kiddo. Can we make it quick, please?â He throws his hand in the air for emphasis, then points to his watch. Haruki nods, then runs up the stairs.Â
âActually, you go on up too and help your sister. You guys are holding up dad,â you turn to Hana and gesture for her to head up with your head. She rolls her eyes, yelling up the stairs for her younger sister to âfreaking hurry upâ.Â
You and Satoru both turn to each other with wide eyes, laughing at the nerve of those children.Â
âThey get that attitude from you, you know,â you point to him, driving your index finger into his bicep.Â
âYou sure? Their momâs got a pretty bad mouth on her, too. Or, have you forgotten?â He teases, bending his knees slightly to level his eyes with yours, intruding into your space. The smirk he dons is cheeky, too friendlyâtoo inviting. You want to smack it off of him.Â
âOh, shut uââ the sound of your phone chiming interrupts your banter. Itâs a message from Kazuki, and you open it while Satoru stands over you. Probably close enough to read the message on his own if he wanted.Â
Kazuki: Hey, I hate to do this but I donât think I can go through with tonight.Â
When you read the message, your heart drops into your stomach. There goes the other shoe, you think, fully embracing your pessimism. Who were you kidding, really? To think that tonight youâd go out and have a good time. Do something for yourself. It was stupidity.Â
Chat bubbles pop up on the screen. He has more to say.Â
He has more to say, and youâre fighting the urge to cryâto not shake out of sheer frustration while youâre still standing in front of Satoru. Because nothing would be worse than him seeing you canât even land a date.Â
Kazuki: I recently just went through a divorce, and I know that I should have informed you about this before continuing our conversationsâŠEspecially since youâve been so transparent with me about your own divorce and strife.
Kazuki: But if Iâm being completely honest, I was scared. I genuinely wanted to see this through, at first. I wanted to forget about my ex-wife for just one night. But I realized Iâve been asking the impossible of myselfâŠIâm still in love with her, and itâs because Iâm in love with her that I wonât allow myself to lead you on any further.Â
Kazuki: I think we wouldâve had a good time tonight. It's unfortunate we had to meet under such circumstances because youâre a really lovely woman, and Iâm sorry an asshole is standing you up right now.Â
Kazuki: Take care. I know thereâs a guy out there just waiting for his shot.Â
Satoru takes notice of the way your face drops as you read over the messages. Part of him wants to overstep his boundaries and take a peek at the screen. But he doesnât. He gives you your space and takes a seat on the couch, waits for you to say something first.Â
In the meantime, he studies your face. Watches intently as your eyes become glossy the more you scan the messages, watches as your bottom lip catches between your teeth to hold back from crying. He thinks he knows what just happened.Â
Taking a deep breath, you lock your phone and put on another trained smile, âWell, looks like Iâm staying in tonight.â Satoru dislikes when you do that. When you put on a fake smile and overcompensate to make others around you feel better, even when itâs so very obvious you arenât. He wishes that sometimes you would just be selfishâact out.Â
And then you continue the façade. It makes his skin itch.Â
âI was too tired anyway, guess I can just catch up oââ
âWill you stop,â he spits, rising from his seat on the couch to stand. It comes out harsher than he intended, but he doesnât regret it. You look at him like heâs got two heads as he walks over to the mantle and leans against it. His back is turned towards you, and the palms of his hands hold the crest of it. He uses it as leverage to rock on the heels of his feet. You can tell thereâs something he wants to say because of the way his jaw ticks.Â
Satoru is never one to bite his tongue, so youâre not exactly sure why heâs choosing to be so restrained. If he wasnât going to spit it out, you were going to poke. âWhatâs your problem?âÂ
He chuckles at this, rubs his chin then pushes off the mantle to stand in front of you, gets all in your space again. The movement almost sends you back but you hold your ground, tilt your chin up at him and repeat the question. Slowly, this time with more venom.Â
âMy problem? Whatâs your problem?â He breathes through his nose, his eyes flickering back-and-forth between your own. âWhy do you always pretend like youâre not lonely? Itâs okay if you were looking forward to having fun tonight. Itâs okay to be upset and be mad at the asshole who stood you up!â
With every verbal prod at you, the gap between you decreases. His feet inch closer and closer to your own and force you to retreat farther until your back hits the wall. The coldness of it causes your breath to hitch, and you try to stay calm as Satoru encroaches more into your personal space. Being on the receiving end of his passion was always suffocating, you feel exposed under the intensity of his gazeâeven more so as he continues to tear into you.Â
âWhy do you even care?!â you cut him off, eyes wide and veins pumping full of adrenaline. âItâs not your place to be so invested in my life anymore! Weâre not together, you donât have to get so hot and bothered about things going shitty for me. Iâm a big girl, and Iâm perfectly capable of fighting my own battles.âÂ
By the time you finish, youâre a heaving, shaking mess. He takes this as a sign to withdraw from your space, and goes to sit back down on the couch. When you finally settle your nerves, you join him, leaving a foot of space in between you. Thereâs an awkward silence, one that wouldnât have even happened if he just respected your boundaries in the first place. Now he feels like the asshole instead of the actual asshole who dumped you. Taking a hesitant breath, he decides to speak up.Â
âLook, Iâm sorry. I didnâtâŠIt wasnât my intention to come off so strong like that,â he begins, âI just wanted to let you know that you donât always have to pretend to be fine. Itâs not fair, you shouldnât do that to yourself.â His eyes wander over to you reluctantly, like heâs scared that if he looks too long youâll disengage from the conversation.Â
âItâs okay,â your voice is small, just above a whisper. You want to face him, but you know that if you do, you'll break into a million pieces. So you keep your gaze downward, busy yourself with the stray pieces of thread on the bottom of your dress. âYouâre right, you know. I think I justâŠI think I just tell myself to expect disappointment so that when something bad happens, Iâll know itâs not because I got my hopes up.âÂ
Satoru turns to you, and you can see him frown through your peripheral. Still, you donât face him because youâre not done talking. But you thank him silently for listening without interrupting.Â
âEven though youâre right, I donât appreciate the way you came on so strongly. Weâre not married anymore, weâre not a coupleâweâre co-parents. So if thereâs something I want you to know about thatâs outside of the scope of our kids, Iâll let you know. Otherwise, leave it alone.â
Satoruâs face softens. For once youâre being selfish, putting your foot down. This is the side of you he likes. âOkay. I respect that,â he says, âBut can I ask you something?â The smile on his face is mirthful, like heâs got something else up his sleeves this evening. Skeptical, you finally face him with a raised brow.Â
âWhat?â
âLet me take you to dinner.âÂ
You laugh in his face, even go as far as smacking his arm because you want him to know you found the joke really funny. He doesnât budge, and thatâs when you realize heâs being serious.Â
âWait, what?âÂ
âLetâs go to dinner,â he stands up, crossing his arms across his chest. You tilt your head in disbelief. Youâre just waiting for someone to tell you youâre on that old reality show punkâd.Â
âFunny, I just poured my heart out to you and now youâre making fun of me,â you roll your eyes, feigning annoyance.Â
âIâm being serious,â he reassures, âyouâre already dressed up. Itâd be a shame for it to go to waste.â His eyes are twinkling with hope, and once again, you find yourself falling victim to their persuasiveness.Â
Being under Gojo Satoruâs gaze was suffocating.Â
Giving in, you ask, âSo what are you gonna do? Drive all the way home to get dressed?âÂ
The question is genuine, but the bastard just grins. âIâm a little hurt,â he throws a hand over his heart, âdonât you know me by now? Iâm a businessman. I keep pressed blazers and slacks on me at all times.â
He swings his keys around his index finger, hoping that the promise of a spare change of clothes being in his car is enough to convince you to say yes.Â
âI donât knowâŠâ you trail.Â
âCâmon, let me take you out. I promise you wonât regret it.â
Somehow he was able to persuade you into going out. After he changed into his spare clothes, you ended up telling your girls that there was gonna be a change of plans, and that theyâd go home with their dad tomorrow.Â
Of course, before leaving, you made sure to leave some money on the table for pizza, and you also made sure to drill into their heads not to open the door for anyone except the delivery guy. You knew they knew the drill already, but it didnât feel right to leave without saying it anyway.Â
âBe good, listen to your sister, sheâs in charge,â you pinch Harukiâs cheek. Hana smirks, nodding her head in agreement with you.Â
âI will mom, I know,â she huffs, crossing her arms.
âAnd you,â your finger wags at Hana, her smirk drops. âDonât provoke your sister, be nice. Act like you love each other, please.âÂ
âFine, whatever. I guess,â she grabs the knob to the door, ready to kick the both of you out already. âSo does this mean the two of you are back together, or?âÂ
Satoru and you turn to each other before answering in unison, âNo.âÂ
âOkay, cool. Well, have fun,â she practically closes the door on the two of you, locking it after. Satoru is just as dumbfounded as you are, but then you break into a fit of laughter.Â
âThose kids, man.â
âYour kids!â you correct, pushing him playfully as the both of you walk down the pebbled pathway. He finds his equilibrium in time to unlock the car and open your side of the door. You pause before ducking inside.
âOh, how gentlemanly of you,â you jest, âAnd they say chivalry is dead.â
âHow could it be when Iâm alive?â He says matter-of-factly, closing your side of the door. He taps the top of the car before sliding across the hood to the other side. Nice to see some things never changed.Â
When he gets inside and turns on the car, he puts his hand on the back of your seat to back out. The proximity sends a shiver down your spine, and you have to physically refrain from letting your eyes linger on his jaw, and his arms, and the face he makes when heâs trying to concentrate.Â
You try to dispel these less-than-friendly thoughts by looking somewhere, anywhere else but him. But you canât, and itâs irritating.Â
This is the second time tonight youâve been this close, and itâs only this time that you realize something about him isâŠdifferent. Earlier, he didnât really smell like anything, but you quickly notice his smell has changed.Â
Thereâs a sort of piney scent coming from him. Itâs not strong or obnoxious enough to blind your nostrils, but itâs enough for you to just barely pick up on it. You almost think it was premeditated, that he took the liberty of spritzing some on before walking you to the car. Before you separated, heâd made it a habit to wear variations of woody scents for you. If you can recall correctly, a passing comment you made about the cologne he was wearing that day is what sparked the habit.Â
Surely, this couldnât be coincidental?Â
âYou smell nice,â you blurt, filling in the silence.Â
Satoru glances at you, âThank you.â You hate that from the corner of your eye, you can see his stupid little smirk growing bigger by the minute. He already had a big ego, it didnât need to be stroked any more.Â
âDonât let it go to your head, though. You usually smell pretty rank.â
âOhhh, is that so? Guess I gotta start wearing this more often then, huh?â
âSure, do what you want,â you say, trying to remain indifferent even though youâre failing terribly to hide your smile. When the car approaches a red light, you finally decide to ask the big question. âSo where are you taking me?âÂ
âYouâll see,â he glances over, âJust know Iâm good friends with the owner, so last minute reservations weren't a problem.âÂ
The rest of the car ride is silent, save for the low hum of the music playing on the radio. When you arrive at the location, Satoru makes sure to walk all the way around to your side of the door again and open it. Immediately after, the two of you are greeted by a young male. Heâs wearing a white button down, black slacks, and a black vest with a red tie. Judging by his appearance, you assume heâs a valet driver.Â
Satoru drops his keys in the driverâs hands, and escorts you towards the entrance. The boy bows and goes to park the car. Looking around, you start to wonder where exactly this place is supposed to be. The area is dark and secluded, and from where you stand outside, it doesnât sound like thereâs supposed to be a restaurant here. You donât hear any voices, you donât even see any security or other passerbyers.Â
Still, you follow behind him like a duckling, only coming to a halt when he leads you to a door taller than the both of you. He gestures for you to back up, then raises his knuckles to blow a strong, single knock. Youâre taken by surprise when a set of angry eyes appear behind a slot in the door.Â
The pair of eyes first scan over you, then Satoru. A gruff voice is second to accompany them, âWhere can I get a good drink?âÂ
âI heard the bar down the street is nice,â Satoru answers. The hatch to the door closes, then swings open the door, and the man behind it moves aside to welcome you in.
âFollow me, please.â Once he closes the door, he begins guiding you down the dimly lit hallway. After making what seems like your hundredth turn, you eventually reach a staircase. The man gestures for you to go on ahead, and you think this is him implying where the three of you will depart.
âThank you,â you say softly, disappearing down the stairs. Satoru isnât too far behind, keeping a pace between you. As you near the end of the long, narrow hallway, a stream of white light brightens up your whole path. It leads you down to another door like a beacon of light, and when you reach it, you can hear voices, live music, and dishes clanking on the other side. Itâs bustling with life. A huge, joyous smile plasters across your face. Itâs almost child-like in appearance, like you havenât seen something this cool in a long time.Â
Satoru stands beside you and winks. âWhat dâya think? Any idea yet where we are?âÂ
âI think this is fucking cool, and hm,â you take a second to mull it over, âare we at a speakeasy?âÂ
âSmart girl. Now come on.â Stepping back, you allow him to pull open the door, and when he does, there isnât a word to describe the atmosphere of the place you step into. All you can do is stand there in astonishment. Before long, a man walks up to you.Â
âWelcome, what is the name you reserved under?âÂ
âGojo.â
Nodding, the host instructs you to follow after him. He leads you to a private seating area, somewhere far in the back thatâs secluded from the other patrons. The space is much bigger, and much more extravagant. You know youâre only sitting way back here because Satoru is who he is. And in all the years youâve known him, his connections were just another party trick in his arsenal.Â
The hostess seats you, then Satoru, and tells you that a waiter will be with you shortly.Â
âThis is nice, really nice, but is itââ
âLegal?â he finishes your sentence, âdonât worry. Itâs a modern speakeasy-style restaurant. Thereâs nothing illegal going on here, promise.âÂ
While you wait for your designated waiter, your focus shifts from the man in front of you to the man singing on the stage. Up until now, his voice was white noise in the background, but then he started singing a tune scarily reminiscent of your pastâand your breath catches in your throat.Â
If I ever leave you, baby
You can say I told you so
And if I ever hurt you
You know, I hurt myselfâŠ
Turning your gaze back to Satoru, you squint your eyes mirthfully in disbelief. You wonder if this is just a funny coincidence, if this is the universe playing her tricks, but you know deep down, that coincidences and Gojo Satoru donât belong in the same sentence.Â
You open your mouth to speak, but quickly close it when you see the waiter approaching from the corner of your eye. He greets the both of you with a polite smile, then sets down two glasses of water.Â
âGood evening, Iâll be your waiter for the night,â he says, placing a menu in front of you, âCan I get you fine folks started off with a bottle of wine?âÂ
Satoru nods, tells him to bring the best bottle of red they have and then gestures for him to come closer so that he can whisper something in his ear. All the while, you sit back in your seat observing, clicking your nails on the table until the server pulls back and bows.Â
When he departs, you immediately lean in over the table, and ask, âJust how much time did you have to plan all of this?âÂ
Satoru feigns aloofness, taking a sip of his water, âWhat do you mean?âÂ
You roll your eyes, gesturing at the stage with your eyes. Then, as if suddenly coming to a realization, he goes, âOh, that? Yeah, I had nothing to do with that. But isnât it funny theyâre playing our old song?âÂ
Now heâs smirking, with his elbow leaning back on the chair, and a gaze so piercing, youâre certain youâll crumble into nothing unless you look away. So you do, avert your gaze back to the stage and sway calmly.Â
Is that any way for a man to carry on
Do you think I want my loved one gone
Said I love you
More than youâll ever know
More than youâll ever know
âSo funny,â you counter.Â
Eventually, the server comes back with a bottle. â1982 Chateau Latife Rothschild,â he holds it out to present, âIs this alright?âÂ
Despite the years spent with Satoru, and the many elitist events you often attended with him, your knowledge on wine had never surpassed anything but surface level. You knew the difference between good wine and cheap wine was the taste, but your taste buds had grown accustomed to store-bought, so if anything, store-bought tasted like heaven to you. Anyway, though, you nod your head and urge him to pour a glass.Â
âThank you,â you smile, before gently swirling the glass and bringing it up to your nose to smell (something you only know to do after being the odd man out at so many company banquets). Satoru waits for you to sip your glass before he sips his. The way you melt into your seat is a silent assurance that youâre pleased.Â
âThis is great, youâre amazing,â you tell the server, who seems pleased by your compliment.Â
âGlad to be of service, miss. Are you ready to order?âÂ
Dinner goes by smoothly. In fact, it goes by so smoothly, you and Satoru finish the entire bottle of wine. Now you sit at the table, bellies full, faces flushed and sore from laughing, and now you find yourself telling him about the grocery store incident. If you had half a mind (a sober one), youâd shut up right this second to save yourself from the embarrassment. But you donât. And Satoruâs very persuasive when youâre tipsy.Â
âKeep going,â he leans in, hand nestled under his chin. Heâs completely invested in the story. Actually, as soon as he heard the words âstoreâ and âcute guyâ, he just had to know more. And you begging him to change the subject didnât help, not when the sadist in him loved to see you so embarrassed.Â
âFine,â you hiccup, âIt was so - so bad, Toru.â He doesnât miss the way you slip and call him by the nickname youâd always reserved for him. It makes his heart race, and god, does he miss the way it sounds spilling from your lips. But he ignores the feeling, and refocuses on your story instead. Which, by the way, was proving to be a task in itself because his eyes couldnât stop drifting back down to your lips. So soft, soâ
âAnd then she said âwe donât believe in rings,ââ you whisper, fist coming down on the table. The sound it makes nearly sobers you up, and you realize just how loud youâre being despite your table being secluded from others. Giggling like a kid, you continue, âI mean, how fucking insane is that?!âÂ
âSomething as bizarre as that could only ever happen to you,â he replies, laughing along with you, âthose people were crazy.âÂ
âThe craziest,â you agree, throwing your head back in another fit of laughter. Gradually, the two of you begin to settle down, and once again, you find your attention being drawn back to the man on the stage. Only this time, heâs making an announcement.
âGood evening ladies and gentleman. Tonight Iâve got a special request,â he says, looking out into the audience. Looking at you. âThis oneâs for a very special lady who, from what Iâve been told, is a great mother that needs to start doing things for herself.âÂ
The singer steps out of the spotlight and hands the note to a server. Your server. Then he begins to sing, and your heart drops into the pit of your stomach. It was your wedding song.Â
[...] I donât even know how to love you
Just the way you want me to
But Iâm ready (ready) to learn (to learn)
Yes, Iâm ready (ready) to learn (to learn)
âNow this one? This one was me,â Satoru leans forward, and you swiftly turn your head to face him. He smiles as he watches your face go through ten different emotions before ultimately softening. It warms your heart to see how incredibly planned this evening was, despite the amount of time he was given to work with. Even so, it kind of scares youâbecause then that meant this was a grand gestureâthat this was his way of saying something. And you werenât too sure if you wanted to hear it. Your gaze drops to your lap, and Satoru frowns.Â
To fall in loveÂ
To fall in love
To fall in love with youâŠ
âLook at me,â he says softly, but you donât. âHey, look at me.â He reaches over the table to take your chin in between his fingers. The touch alone feels electric. Sends liquid hot lightning down the column of your spine. Reluctantly, you meet his gaze, and like always, itâs suffocating. Theyâre so wide with hope, and so, so gentle in the way they hold you. The longer you gaze upon them, the more you convince yourself itâll be okay if you surrender to them.Â
âItâs been years since weâve divorced,â his voice is shaky, almost strained, like heâs actively thinking how to choose his words carefully, âand when we sat down that night, I thought it was what I wanted, too, you know? And for a while, it was,â he reaches a hand across the table to rest atop your own, âbut you gotta knowâŠyou gotta knowâyouâre it for me. Thereâs no one else on this Earth that I want to start over with. Youâve always been the beginning and end of my story, and Iâll be damned if I let another man start one with you.â
Your heart is beating faster than you can even process what heâs saying. The only thing youâre focused on is not passing out in the middle of this damn restaurant. But then heâs squeezing your hand, and your focus is drawn back to those piercing, pale blues that even put crystals to shame.Â
âSo what do you say?â he says, so softly, so tender. âCan we try again?â
Waiting for your reply, he squeezes your hand again. Itâs like your soul is wandering the line between death and the living, and his touch is the tether that brings you back. In the background, the tune of the song sung at your wedding gives you a push of courage.Â
I donât even know how to kiss your lips (kiss your lips)
At a moment like this
But Iâm going to learn how to doÂ
All the things you want me to
Yes, Iâm ready
(Are you ready?) Yes, Iâm ready
To fall in love
To fall in love
To fall in love right now
âYes.â
The walk back to the car is hurried. Aided by both, years and years of built up tension, and the liquid courage currently bubbling in your systems.Â
The race back to his apartment is even faster. You thank the gods silently that itâs within close proximity to where you just were.Â
Once you get there, make your way past the doorman and concierge (who both give the two of you a knowing look), go up the elevator, and finally get into his loftâitâs over. Years of restraint, years of pretending, wantingâyearning, come crashing down.Â
Thereâs barely any time to close the door before heâs pushing you against it. His lips trail down the column of your neck, then come up to kiss your jaw, until eventually, they find your lips. And when they do, itâs instantaneousâthat familiar feeling, the feeling that feels almost like falling.Â
Once again, for what felt like centuries, you feel again the rush of helplessness. The push and pull of the tide. It brings you down, down, down to the bottom of the ocean floor, and itâs unmerciful.Â
Kissing Satoru is like being shocked with ten thousand volts of energy. Like all this time youâve spent not kissing him, has been costing you your life, and heâs the only one who can deliver you salvation. Itâs all teeth and tongue for a minute. Messy, and sticky, and nasty. A true testament to the desperation brewing in the pits of both your stomachs.Â
The sensation of it all has your knees going slack, and thatâs when he saysâ
âJump.âÂ
Obeying, you do just that. Jump right into his arms, and wrap your legs around his torso like youâve done so many times before. The way you feel now is the way you used to feel before then, too. Like you were made to fit like this. To be held in his arms like you were molded from the same clay.Â
Carefully, he adjusts his grip on your body. Keeps his palms planted on the bottoms of your ass, and begins the trek to his room. He struggles a bit getting there because you havenât stopped kissing since entering the apartment, but he figures it out after a stumble or two (which resulted in a bitten lip and you apologizing profusely through giggles).Â
âThe turbulence up here is crazy, donât blame me, blame the pilot,â you jest, kissing down his neck to make up for it.Â
âIâll make sure to let him know,â he jokes back. As soon as he gets to the bed, he sets you down at the edge of the bed. You try to bring him down to your height but he stops you, wags his finger in your face playfully before using it to push you back into the bed. His fingers start to play with the fabric of your dress, and then his face takes on an indifferent expression. The same one from earlier that night when he first saw you walking down the stairs.Â
âCanât believe you were gonna wear this for himâŠâ he trails, lifting the fabric up slowly, eyeing you while doing so, âas if this dress doesnât mean something.âÂ
Of course, when Shoko chose it, its significance did make you falterâbut in your defense, not once did you ever anticipate for him to see you in it. And you especially didnât expect for him to remember it, the last time you wore it was almost a decade ago.Â
âI didnâtâŠâ you start, a smile creeping on your lips, âthink you remembered?â
ââCourse I did, how could I not?â He says more sharply than intended, taking offense. He takes offense because he spent the better half of the night showing you he remembered. The little things and everything else in between. Couldnât you see that?
âIt was our 4th anniversary. Bought you this dress and fucked you in it that same night. Funny how the second time Iâm seeing you in this dress, the circumstances are the same except only this time weâre divorced,â he says, crawling over your body. âGuess I gotta show you just how much I remember.âÂ
With that, he slips a hand under your dress, pulls your panties to the side and runs a finger down your slit. Oh-so-willingly, do you spread your legs for him. Itâs almost subconscious, the way your body responds to him. And he revels in it. Lets his fingers work you, feel you, bring you to ecstasy. Then he heightens your pleasure tenfold when he kisses his way down your body, and takes a seat before you on his knees.Â
Unceremoniously, he pulls your body to the edge of the bed. Takes his time slipping your panties down the length of your legs, then kisses the insides of your thighs, before finally stopping at your mound.Â
Slowly, he lowers himself to your cunt, kisses your clit softly. Once, twice, three times. The pace in which heâs moving is killing you, to say the least. But you know heâs savoring the moment, making up for all the years he spent not kneeling like this between your legs. So you let him; let him caress you all over before he comes seeking the honey-sweet salvation dripping from your core.Â
The second his tongue makes contact with your heat, you find yourself clamping a heavy hand over your mouth. âFuck, Toruuuu,â you drawl, back arching off the bed. Pleased with his abilities, he smiles smugly, using this as an opportunity to push himself even deeper. Up and down, he licks at your slit, uses his fingers in tandem with his tongue to prod at that spongy spot he knows you love.Â
âTastes,â a harsh suck, âso good,â another, âbetter than I remember.âÂ
You know heâs talking, but his words fall on deaf ears. Youâre so caught up in your own high, you donât even take notice of the obscene sloshing sounds coming from your pussy, or the moans youâre making. All you can do is lay there and take it as he takes, and takes, and takes from you.Â
Soon, you find your orgasm cutting through you like a knife, and you come with a strangled cry that has you biting back tears. Satoru talks you through the whole thing. He lays his head down on your thigh and continues working you with his fingers until you start to shake from the overstimulation.Â
For a few, you lay and stare at the ceiling. You think you can see the Milky Wayâand all the constellations that make it up. It feels like your soul is floating beyond your physical body, and you donât come back down to Earth until a sharp, stinging sensation brings you back. Did he just?
âDid you just bite me?â you lift your head, peering down to see the evidence. In all its glory, there it was; a red ring smack-dab in the inside of your thigh with teeth imprints. Looking at Satoru, he grins.Â
âHad to get you back from earlier,â he says, sitting back on his knees. You attempt to kick him with your foot, but he grabs hold of it. Pretending to be wounded, he gasps, âIs this how you treat the man who just gave you a soul-shattering orgasm?âÂ
You roll your eyes, but to your dismay, it only encourages him to continue.Â
âFuck, Toru,â he mimics, âoh my god, Toru. You fuck me so gooââ
âAlright, enough!â you manage to kick him this time, laughing as you bring up your hands to cover your face. âKeep carrying on like that and I wonât let you fuck meâŠâ Youâre serious in your bite, but heâs smirking. Like he knows youâre full of bullshit.Â
âYeah right. You and I both know I make you feel too good.âÂ
Feeling bested, you scoff, though, thereâs no real weight behind it. While he begins to remove his shirt, you sit up and replace his hands. He relinquishes control and allows you to unbutton it until the item falls haphazardly to the floor.Â
Heâs so beautiful, you think. Still so chiseled, so perfect after all these years since youâve last seen him like this. At his most vulnerable. The only difference now is that there are more freckles littered across his skin. Back then, heâd say they were signs of aging, and heâd hate them.Â
But heâs older now. More mature. So much so that he even winks at you when you trace your fingertips over them.
âThey suit you,â you whisper.Â
âYeah?â
You nod your head, âmhm.âÂ
Continuing your ministrations, you begin removing his belt. He holds your gaze the entire time it takes for you to unzip his pants and pull them downâand he doesnât once shy away when you discover the wet spot on the front of his briefs. Slowly, delicately, you remove the soiled item and let it fall down to the floor with the rest of his clothes.Â
Still looking at him, you take hold of his length and fist him once, twice, experimentally. A dribble of pre oozes from his slit and you bring it to your mouth. All the air in his lungs expel into the air when you lick it off with your tongue, and god, he thinks he could come from that alone.Â
God, heâs missed you. Missed your touch, your lipsâthe way you hold him with your eyes like heâs something worth being gentle with. Nothing could ever compare to you, not even his own hand.Â
As soon as youâre about to take him in your mouth, he stops you. Pushes you back down onto the bed and slots himself between your legs. âNo more playing, Iâm tired of playing,â he breathes, lowering himself down until half of his weight is on top of you.Â
Guiding his cock to your entrance, he pushes past your folds with little resistance. The feeling of your cunt squeezing him in has his arms wobbling like jelly, but he musters enough strength somehow to stay up. You, on the other hand, are close to tears.Â
The more he eases himself in, the more you feel like youâre being stretched open (despite him previously prepping you). If you were being truthful, this wasnât a complete shock to you. Youâve known that heâs always been big, but something about tonight feels different. Or maybe itâs just been too long since youâve had something more than just your own fingers.Â
Even so, you try your best to ignore the burn of the stretch. You throw your arms around his neck and invite him deeper into you, hooking your legs around him so tightly that it renders his limbs useless. For a minute, all you can feel is the weight of him inside of you, and his chest against yours as they rise and fall asynchronously.Â
âToru,â your voice is just barely above a whisper, but enough to make the hairs on the nape of his neck stand. âMake love to me.âÂ
Heeding your request, he begins moving. Painfully slow, he unsheathes himself from you until only the head of his cock is inside, then pushes himself all the way back in with force. Again, and again, he repeats this motion. Pulls out, pushes in. Pulls out, pushes in, until he decides to increase his pace and set a steady rhythm.Â
Every thrust into you is meticulously calculated. Sharp, and forceful, and not once does he disrupt the rhythm. He listens carefully to the sounds you make. Even listens to the way your breath hitches when he hits a spot right. Everything heâs doing is perfectâand itâs to no surprise. Deep down, you know that Satoru knows your body like the back of his hand. Heâd know it if you were all old and wrinkly. Heâd know it if his soul reincarnated. Hell, heâd know it blind.Â
âMissed this,â he grunts, burying his head into the interstice of your neck, âmissed you,â a kiss to your neck, âmissed us.âÂ
The veracity of his words render you speechless. Heâs already professed his feelings for you tonight, but it feels even more real now that youâre beneath him. To be loved by Gojo Satoru was a feeling many couldnât say they had the consolation of knowing. Only a few in his circle could hold that positionâbut only one person in this world could truly ever know his love to its fullest extent. You.Â
Satoru continues his mindless rambling, âI love you,â a thrust, âitâs always been you,â another, âwas always going to be you.â Leaning back on his heels, he pushes your dress all the way up to reveal your breasts. Now itâs him who sits back and admires this time. As if he were reacquainting himself, he traces the planes and pastures of your chest with an eager hand. He runs it up and over each mound, squeezing and kneading the flesh experimentally.Â
Then, he dips down and kisses the space between them. Sucks and licks until the skin bruises, and he has evidence to prove tonight actually happened. Eventually, he withdraws from your chest and returns his focus on easing his cock in and out of your cunt.Â
âSo beautiful,â he says, but itâs more to himself than anything. Youâre so lost in your own pleasure, he doesnât even think you can hear him. âWant you to cum on my cock, know you can do it, baby. Know you can,â he grunts, taking your hand and intertwining it with his own. Letting his head fall into your neck, he begins to quicken his pace. Fucks into you with everything heâs got and willing to give.Â
âToru,â you finally manage to say, ââm so close, keep going. Do it - do it inside.âÂ
Do it inside. Do it inside. Do it inside. The thought is tempting, too tempting. It makes his dick twitch inside of you, and he swears if you say it again, heâll actually do it. But he knows better than to listen to anything you say out of delirium.Â
âTrust me, sweet girl,â he cradles your face, to which you lean into, âI want to - I want to so fucking badly. But we both know youâd regret it later.âÂ
Whining, your lips form into a pout, and the sight is so cute, he canât help but to kiss it off of you. Compared to your kiss earlier, this one is much sweeter. Slower. More relaxed. He kisses you with the intent of making you dizzier than you already are, and itâs scary. Even so, you donât pull away. You allow him to drink you up. Like your lips are the only source of water around, and heâs been quenched for days.Â
Finally, with a few more thrusts, you reach your climax. The pressure building in the pit of your belly pops like a balloon, and everything goes white. âToru!â you shriek, arching off the bed and trembling in his grasp.Â
Using your arch as leverage, he keeps his hands underneath your back and continues to ram into you without abandon. Youâre a babbling, wet mess at this point, and your cunt squeezing around him only encourages him more.Â
âFuckfuckfuck, âm gonna - âm gonna,â he curses, balls beginning to tighten. Quickly, he unsheathes himself and fists himself the rest of the way. With an impassioned moan, he climaxesâspurting thick, white, ropes of seed all over your abdomen. Then, falls onto your limp body with a grunt, chest heaving rapidly, and slick with perspiration.Â
By this time, youâve settled down enough to form a proper sentence. âThat wasâŠâ
Satoru huffs, catching his breath. âYeah.âÂ
Still spent, he continues to lay atop you. And you, having nowhere else to go, let him. The two of you lay comfortably in silence like this for a long time. Just you tracing shapes into his back, and him purring into your neck. Both of you know you should be getting up, but neither of you make an effort to do so. In this moment, time is transcendent. There is no rush to move when time stands still for you.Â
Soon, that silence is broken.Â
âI love you,â you say, and thereâs no elaboration. Not even a recant. In fact, you say it so nonchalantly, heâs not even sure it was real. You say it like youâve never been more certain in your life, like itâs the easiest thing youâve ever had to do.Â
âReally?â he queries, almost pathetically like the mere idea of you loving him is something unattainable. You look at him like heâs got two heads.Â
âYeah, youâre my best friend. Iâve always loved you,â you admit, pausing your ministrations on his back, âI just had to relearn how to love you.â He smiles at this, hums into your neck to keep from crying.Â
âIâm glad we found our way back to each other,â he mumbles into your neck, âso where do we go from here?â
âFrom here we take it slow. Weâll learn together what it means to be individuals, and then from there weâll see where it goes,â you say matter-of-factly, âno more repeating past mistakes.â
âAgreed,â he nods, âwhat will we tell the girls?â
Thatâs when your eyes widen and you sit up, forcefully pushing Satoru off of you.Â
âWhat did I say, whatâs wrong?â he queries, sitting up on the bed. He watches you rummage around the room maniacally, head on a swivel as you run out of the room and return with a purse. You pull your phone out to see a slew of missed calls and messages.Â
âWe forgot to call the girls!â You yell, showing him your phone screen of missed calls. Gojo jumps up to join you, one leg already sliding into his pants.Â
âShit!âÂ
Noticing the state of your appearance, you pinch the skin between your brows. âSatoru, I canât wear this! You got cum all over it,â you groan, pointing to all the splotches of white. He tells you to wait a second before disappearing into his closet, then he comes back with a fist of clothes and throws it at you.Â
âI canât wear this either, theyâll wonder why Iâm wearing your clothes!âÂ
Satoru runs to you and pull the dress off of your body, âWeâll wash it!â he screams, disappearing again out of the room, and to where you imagine, the laundry room. When he returns, heâs out of breath and panting. Itâs only then do you realize how insane he looks with half his shirt buttoned, and his pants twisted around his hips. A giggle escapes your lips.
âWhat are you laughing at? Chop chop,â he claps, ushering you into his bathroom.Â
Yeah, youâd be lying if you said you didnât miss this idiot.
comments + reblogs very appreciated !!!
© arachine 2023
#art by: @yamada_souko (twt)#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x reader smut#satoru gojo x reader#satoru gojo x reader smut#gojo satoru smut#satoru gojo smut#gojo satoru x you#satoru gojo x you#gojo satoru x y/n#satoru gojo x y/n#jjk smut
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i love the idea of joining the batfam by dating bruce, but can you imagine how awkward it must be ?
like you are dating bruce, you most probably know he is batman (he couldn't date seriously someone and never tell them) which is like a huge thing, you probably knew each others for at least 5 years and dated for at least 2 before you even step foot in his house and even then ! you still have never meet any of his adopted kids, he always has a way of avoiding The meeting.
of course - you know who his kids are, bruce is ... literally the it guy of gotham, you very much know the names and faces of his family - but that's it (now if you know their vigilantes identities is different story)
the question is, are they aware of your existence ? (of course alfred is aware; that out of the question, he followed to development of yours and bruce relationship from a to z)
going more for a no, not at the start, bruce has this clumsy dumb bilionaire personality but he probably could not like for you to receive media attention because he doesn't wish for your privacy to be intruded upon because you are dating (now there may have been one instance where the paparazzi took a picture of you and him together, but they could only see you from the back, or your face wasn't visible for whatever reason). they probably learnt about your existence very late into your relationship with bruce, and it's surely by accident, like, one of them see a message from you to bruce (and it's something probably something very cheesy) when he left it somewhere by inadvertence. and depending on who see that, they either fully open bruce's phone (sorry but they all know his phone password, bruce isn't aware of that tho) and read your conversation or they find some others way to have access to his messages with you (that isn't so blatant).
they for sure, do an 'emergency' meeting about it (dick and damian were the two that really wanted to do one, the rest probably don't care that much at that time, they probably think you are just the fling of the month for bruce - well usually the fling of the month is not that ... cheesy with him ? in their messages, and the conversations aren't usually that long ... nor do they go back that much. but whatever ! they do suddenly notice that it's been a while, since, well the last fling of the month of bruce but, it must just be a coincidence) which end up with them keeping tabs on you, just in case
now, you meeting them could happen in two way
either they are the one to meet you first - they don't want to wait for bruce to formally introduce you to them - or them to you. the one that 'lead' this is for sure damian, he is determinate to find out your intention with his father (and fight you), dick will lie and say he is just there to make sure everything go 'well' but he is just genuinely very curious about you and the fact that you are dating bruce - this can go for most of them, tho cass and tim are probably the one that are the most reticent to meeting you ? but nevertheless, they still are here, because they for sure won't let damian and dick have all the 'fun'. now jason, is probably also coming for the shit and giggle.
or you meeting them could happen because of bruce - deciding that it's finally time you meet his kids, so he invite all of them to dinner telling them he was someone he wants them to meet, and telling you explicitly that he wants you to meet his family (and the people that are part of his family but aren't family family) - of course, he could talk about it with you first, he could never force you into that. the meet - dinner, probably do not go in the way bruce hoped for it to go (but truth be told, he wasn't expecting it to go the way he wished it did). it's not awful, nothing bad happen. it's just awkward. one of them (probably jason) let slip that they already knew about you - damian make it very clear that he doesn't accept you (and dick has to try to diffuse the situation and tell you that damian is just joking - damian is not joking and he gives a death glare to dick), tim probably do not say anything of half of the dinner before asking you a weird question about something he should have no information about (like what's up with one of your weird habit / quirk), cass is just silent - she assess you for the entirety of the dinner (she conclude by the end of it that you quite a nice person and that she likes you quite a bit), duke is very kind and is very polite with you (he is a bit apprehensive and isn't sure why he is there but he figures it's because bruce wanted to have at least one regular person treating you normally - dick is too ... enthusiastic for that role)
at the end of said dinner, when bruce is driving you home, it's probably the most silent ride home you have ever experienced. until you burst out laughing - the dinner was probably the funniest shit you experienced. it felt like it came straight out of a shitty tv show with 14 seasons. sure it was very much awkward but still funny ! you reassure bruce that it was fine, though you could have liked a warning.
and ... you can add a yandere twist on it, and i love yandere so ... . some of them (tim and cass and probably dick) could start developing yandere tendencies when they learn of your existence ( and keep 'tab on you' aka stalks you and learn everything they can about you ), the others (damian and jason + eventually steph and duke even though they are probably some of waaay lesser yandere-y yandere) could start becoming like that after they finally meet you in person. damian could be the one to take the most or less time to become attach on you, it depend, but he could go thru a big phase of 'i refuse for you to replace talia, my mother, therefor i will despite your entire existence' but if you try to get closer to him, this phase will end very soon and his barrier melt away, if you want to let him take his time to accept you, the result will be the same but damian will try to make up for the time he hated you.
and of course, yandere bruce could be so happy for you to like / get to know and get closer to his family, and that's one more way he can tie you to him !
#my brain broke half way thru writing this because i had too many ideas coming at once#(of course obligatory disclaimer that i have never read any batman comics - this is purely based off different dc cartoons + fanfic i've#read online and ofc the webcomic. of course this is very ligh hearted and the characters are very much not the tortured souls they are in#canon here !)#gender neutral reader#batfam x reader#dc x reader#bruce wayne x reader#jason todd x reader#dick grayson x reader#damian wayne x reader#damian al ghul x reader#tim drake x reader#cassandra cain x reader#duke thomas x reader#yandere x reader#yandere batfam#yandere dc#batfamily x reader#bruce x reader#batman x reader#yandere batman
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[id: the first image is a reply by @.demilypyro that reads: That doesnt sound very cis
the second image is a reply by @.homosexualmorelikehomiesexual that reads: respectfully adding to this in agreement with op: i think its true that no, it DOESNT sound very cis, but thats bc according to the very same gender system that sucks so much, anyone who disagrees or complains about it is Other, and i think thats......part of the exact problem op is talking abt..? so yeh idk. speaking as a trans person myself- op youre valid youre right and you should say it i support you go cis boy go
#this is what i call cis+ #youre cis but youve seen the void. the truth. and then you pulled back and went Ok Got It. Keeping My Gender Though #which i think is just as respectable. like amen #consciously opting into your assigned gender when you know you donât actually have to..... #thats cis plus. cis prime. cis upgraded. you feel? /end]
Iâm a cis man sure but i also wanna opt out of the gender binary. None of that shit is my fault or my responsibility and i donât want any part of it
#text#lgbtag#may actually add something to the post eventually but it's late so just putting some thoughts in the tags#saying this as a trans genderfuck person . it's incredibly reductive to tell anyone who questions the gender binary or desires to break it-#-down that they Have to be trans to do so#you see it a lot with gnc cis people but tbh . applies to even gender conforming cis people and even non-queer cis people !#because in doing so you reinforce that trans people are Magically Different than cis people and that we're the only people who want to-#-question and break down the gender binary#but like . if you want to acknowledge that the gender binary is made up & people have complex relationships with it that fall outside of-#-the socially dictated binary & that ''man'' and ''woman'' are socially created categories not based in biology#and that there's no concrete definition of what a man or a woman or someone who's both or neither and etc beyond personal identity and-#-social category / cis-enforced societal roles#... you also have to realize that some people will break down the concept of the binary and recognize all of that . and still identify with-#-their assigned gender and be cis#expecting anyone who breaks down and rejects the gender binary to automatically also be trans not only cuts us off from cis allies who want-#-to help trans acceptance and break down those social structures#but also ignores intersectional groups who have complicated experiences with gender based on those identities while being cis!#(ex as a white person with privilege i don't feel confident speaking on it on my own but reading about black perspectives on gender and how-#-black women especially have historically been treated by largely white feminist movements how black women are degendered how the sex-#-binary has been leveraged in a racist & eugenics-based way etc imo is really important for breaking down the gender binary even when it's-#-discussing specifically cis people. bc discussions on marginalization are never in a vacuum)#and there are plenty of people Esp queer people who may not solidly fit in a cis or trans box esp when it comes to gnc people!#ex the amount of butch lesbians and fem/me gay men whose connection to womanhood or manhood is through being a lesbian/gay man#but who have more complex relationships with their gender and expression than Just womanhood or manhood#idk long rant and none of this is to say that there's a Cisphobic Trans Agenda to Force Poor Cis People to be trans bc a woman likes suits-#-or a man thinks the gender binary sucks#just . again as a trans person who experiences a lot of joy from my relationship to gender and being trans#i love seeing cis people who can find joy in their gender through breaking down the binary!#gender is complicated and i think accepting it as something Anyone can have a complex relationship . cis or trans . is a big part of-#-accepting that gender is a social construct and not a biological fact
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What to look for when it comes to your next partner?
Note: Hi!! Sorry I've been away for so long!! Please Like, Reblog and comment, if you like it/if it resonates. HAVE FUN AND DO NOT REWORD, STEAL, PLAGIARISE, REPOST MY WORK!!
Piles 1 -> 3
Masterlist âą Tip Jar âą Paid Readings
Pile 1
Hi Pile 1! Okay so this may feel a little shallow but here me out, for you a big point is going to be physical and sexual attraction. Your next relationship is supposed to teach you how to be more in touch with your sexual self, and that's why you need to look for someone who ignites that fire within your core. You should also look for someone who's actually in for the commitment because you may have a habit of going for people who are non committal because you may feel like if you keep it casual you'll seem cool to your partner and they may like you more, no, stop it, look for people who value you the way you value them.
Next, you need to look for someone who has a lot of experience with relationships, not a player per day but just someone who knows what they want and when they want it and operate in that way. Even when people know what they want, they can change partners and don't let that deter you from people with a lot of exes, it doesn't mean that they have commitment issues it just means that they may want different things at different times and may have had the guts to cut it off with people.
Lastly you need to look for someone who's not going to be wishy washy with you and will meet you at the same level of headstrong you are, because your stubbornness may not be cute but when paired with your next partners stubbornness it will end up leading to a perfect balance of two headstrong people who can fight all day but actually come to a conclusion or find a middle ground the both of you respect.
Pile 2
Hi Pile 2! This might sound Counterintuitive but you need to find someone for your next relationship who may feel open enough to disagree with you. You may be used to being around people who often share the same opinion with you, which is good, but someone who challenges your views will make for not only a more fun opponent but also someone whose views you can change or vice versa. I'm also getting that one quality that you should look for is that they share the same love for music or dance as you, basically the same love of the performing arts, this includes theatre/acting as well. I'm getting that your next partner may be someone who's very interested in this, especially into cinema.
They could be a film bro (gender neutral) and may love yapping for hours about their favourite film and the compositions, colours, lighting, music etc used in the film and how those aspects enhance the overall viewing experience of the film, they could be very active on letterbox lol. I'm also getting that one aspect you should look for in your next partner is transparency, it may sound like honesty but it is different because transparency signifies that this person will not only be honest but also take accountability if they ever go wrong somewhere and this level of accountability will build up a stronger bond and start healing the trust issues you may have from your past friendships and your relationships with your parents, because someone close to you will finally not only accept they did something wrong but also apologise and accept that.
Lastly! Look for someone who doesn't put you down, like even subtly. You may have had friends or partners in the past who may have been like "omg fr? that's so weird haha" even as a joke when it comes to your interests, but look for someone who will not put you down regardless of differing interests please I Beg.
Pile 3
Hellooo pile 3! Hyperspecific point from the very start, look for someone who knows the value of spirituality and crystals and stones that you may carry or wear on you at all times. If they even try to question your beliefs about spirituality that is not your next partner trust me. Your next partner is going to be someone who will share your interests and be on the same wavelength as you when it comes to spirituality, tarot and more.
One thing you need to look for in your next partner is that they may have a bit of an isolated or loner vibe, like they may not be big on huge gatherings and could be more introverted, they'll really appreciate their alone time and could be someone who does not divulge in PDA a lot, not only because they're shy but also because they'll believe that your business is just your business (in the rs I mean). Regardless of this they'll be someone who's very focused and goal oriented, your next partner is someone who's ready to sacrifice their comfort in the present to focus on their goals and work towards them relentlessly, they'll also be the kind of people who will let go of any comfort just to make you feel more comfortable, the kind to give you the bed and take the floor instead if there's only one bed and you don't wanna sleep together, very gentle and caring.
They'll just have this aura which screams "I welcome you and I understand" and that is exactly the kind of energy you need in your life right now. Lastly, I heard "duniya dedi" which translates to "gives you the world" so all I have to say is y'all better raise your standards and KEEP THEM RAISED!! YOU DESERVE THE BEST AND THAT'S WHAT YOU'LL GET KISSI <33
All Rights Reserved tiamathh©Ÿ DO NOT PLAGIARISE, REWORD, STEAL!
#pick a card#pick a card reading#pick a pile#tarot reading#tarot readings#tarot community#tarotcommunity#tarot cards#tarot#intuitive#intuitive readings
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THE NAME OF LOVE .á
â© â the three times hoshina soshiro dismissed his feelings for you as something that friends do and the one time he realized otherwise.
â© â request: IVE BEEN WANTING TO REQ U SOMETHING FOR SO LONG NOW I HOPE U DONT MIND !! can i ask for hopeless romantic reader and hoshina soushirou.... the way he... is...... (LOVE PESSIMIST đ«”) I'm a sucker for hoshina falling first or confessing first but it is truly up to you!! i genuinely have no idea where im going with this so pls feel free to change anything to your liking
â© â includes: hoshina soshiro x gn!reader. fluff. cw: uhm funky pacing bc this is just pure word vom LAWLZ. wc: 3583 (i did not expect for it to be this long i swear). reader works for operations and is considered as second best to okonogi (is also okonogi's assitant). ikaruga and okonogi cameo yipee! hoshina is bad at feelings âą. reblogs and feedback are much appreciated !!
to love is something you cannot name.
thatâs a saying that stitched itself onto your brain because it just makes sense. loving someone has way too much depth, depending on the person who is the one lending out their heart and who they are giving it out to in the first place. it could be named as anything, depicted as anything, or interpreted as anything.
especially for you, who had witnessed, watched, read, and consumed all sorts of media that named love as numerous things. sometimes love is tragic, making two people feel so much just for them to get pulled away from each other when they were so close to running into each otherâs arms. sometimes love is mirthful, having two people become the best versions of themselves around the person they love because they feel safe becoming vulnerable with the other. yet sometimes love is bittersweet, accepting the art of letting go as it was for the bestâaccepting that things werenât just meant to be but not forgetting the emotions the person made you feel.
well, how were you supposed to know what love really is? a hopeless romantic is hopeless for a reason.
having a day off is quite rare, even for the employees of the operations department. the work was quite demanding, as any job involving the JAKDF was. but you still made time to relax and enjoy your rest from time to time, whether that was rewatching a good old romcom film from the 2000s or reading a new romance novel you decided to pick up.
it was normal for a hopeless romantic to dream. to fantasize. that maybe they could experience an extraordinary love like it is portrayed in films or described in songs. so naturally, as a hopeless romantic yourself, you werenât any different. you just wanted to experience loveâto be loved.
then again, liking someone does count as experiencing romance in a sense. admiring someone with traits the public doesnât really notice is⊠rare. but thatâs how it always went with you. though you wouldnât really say that you actually acted upon your feelings, they're usually be gone once that person has stepped out of the current environment youâre in.
thatâs how it was before.
vice captain hoshina was a respectable man. he is talented, and he sure as hell knows it. as the ton put it, you and the vice captain had a strange relationshipânobody really knows what to call you two. as the secondary leader of operations and okonogiâs assistant, it was only natural to be in the presence of the vice captain most of the time. but thereâs just something different when it comes to how you two treated each other.
from flirtatious remarks and confusing gestures that you arenât sure if youâre supposed to interpret as romantic, just what were you to the vice captain? youâve observed long enough that he only does this to you. though you donât really hate it. in fact, you like it that heâs only like that to youâbut you werenât supposed to like him, you swear! but honestly speaking, how could you not? you had plenty of reasons to like the vice captain in that way. you just pray that no one has really noticed it.
however, okonogi wasnât stupid. she gets praised for her analytical skills for a reason and you wish she didnât have to use those skills when it came to your romantic interest in the vice captain of all things. she promised to keep it a secret, though, and keeping secrets is a thing okonogi was really good at (to your surprise).
â â â â â â â âÂ
the first time hoshina denied his feelings for you was when he overheard some rookies talking about you.
â(l/n) is such a blessing to the third division, donât you think?â one said as the other hummed in agreement. âi know, right? theyâre so nice! did you know that they helped me once? they gave me tips on what i should do to enhance my combat power for my fighting style; it was really helpful too!â the rookie beamed. hoshina had an unsettling feeling churning inside of him as he eavesdropped on the conversation. but he quickly shook it off, thinking that he probably ate something funny earlier.
but why hasnât he received such treatment from you? you were closer to him than some rookies, right?Â
right?
wait, what the hell is wrong with me? hoshina thinks, snapping out of his earlier thoughts. he was not jealous of some rookies. those were just rookies, for christâs sake! hoshina walks away, only to be greeted by the sight of you and ikaruga talking this time.
âthanks again for the film recommendation the other day, (l/n). i didnât expect to enjoy it so muchâyou were completely right! it did suit my preferences,â he excitedly says. hoshina watches silently, observing everything in detail. and one thing he notices is that ikaruga is standing close to youâway too close than he preferred.
âreally? iâm glad you liked them, ikaruga. feel free to ask for more film recs when youâre free.â you laughed at his enthusiasm. ikaruga had always been a fun person to converse with, in your opinion. and you two bonded over films! but it was really nothing more than that. âwill definitely do!â he replies, giving you a two finger wave as he excuses himself.
he was definitely not jealous. why would he be jealous in the first place? you two were just friends.
and friends donât get jealous like this.
â â â â â â â âÂ
the second time was when he was undergoing recovery after the whole fiasco of the tachikawa base raid. everyone was exhausted. it was fortunate that the third division didnât get any casualties during the incident; the majority of the troops were only injured for the most part. soshiro was counted among the severely injured troops but he doesnât regret it one bit.
or so he thought.
soshiro wakes up slowly, blinking and squirting his eyes at the sudden brightness of the light above him. he felt a weight on the side of his bed when he tried to get up, as if something (or someone) was pressing down on the blanket. looking down, he wouldnât mistake your hair for anyone else. he knew it was you with just a glance.
and there you were, sleeping softly on the side of hoshina soshiroâs bed. soshiro takes note of your appearance that he could see right nowâwhich was really just your messy hair. he gets up, making sure that you donât wake up. it is likely that the operation has not had much sleep up to this point, which is why you ended up sleeping in his hospital room of all places.
he feels bad. a hand slowly reaches out to your head, stroking it ever so gently. if he were to be honest, he was worried for he operations team during the attack. he recalls regularly checking in to see if things were okay on your end, and you kept reassuring him that everyone was unscathed. his other hand reaches out to his phone on his bedside, checking to see if he missed anything. he was unconscious until now, he thinks. and the text from okonogi just confirmed all of his suspicions.
youâre probably still unconscious by the time i sent this, but theyâve been there every day since you got admitted.Â
thatâs all the message contained. soshiro glances at you again, a soft smile tugging on his lips. he doesnât get why okonogi felt the need to send him that text, but the thought of you waiting for him to be conscious again made him feel⊠warm inside. but it all went away as he pulled back his hand from your head as you stirred awake. you raised your head, adjusting yourself to be in a more comfortable position as you rubbed your eyes with your knuckles.Â
shock was an understatement when you realized that he was finally awake.
âvice captain! iâsorry, i didnât mean to sleep on your bed. wait, are you okay? does anything hurt?â he just stared at your eyes, trying to process something. shock was still present in your eyes, and relief was mixed in them too. you noticed him not answering anything you said. worried that he might be suffering from some aftereffects, you asked him again. âuhm⊠vice captain hoshina?â
he snaps out of it as soon as he hears his name. âsorry, i was just thinking. what were you saying?â
âer⊠is there something on my face? youâve been staring at my face the whole time since i woke upâŠâ
hoshina blinks once. twice. then thrice. before he focuses his gaze on something else, looking away from you. you held back a laugh at the sight of red tinting his ears as he apologized for his actions.Â
âiâm glad youâre alright, vice captain.â
hoshina freezes. he didnât expect those words to have a bigger impact on him than they do now. but this is all natural, isnât it? friends worry about each other. friends wish and hope that the other is okay.
yet why does he feel bitter when he labels this as something that friendsâno, snap out of it. he thinks.
âiâm glad youâre alright too.â
â â â â â â â âÂ
the third time was when you were sent to work to the first division of all places. he was completely against it, of course, but he doesnât have any concrete reason to actually protest against it.Â
it was quite boring to not have you there. he didnât really have anyone to disturb anymore. and the sudden change in the vice captainâs demeanor doesnât go unnoticed by the platoon leaders. sure, he still had the same toothy grin on his lips, with his fang peeking out ever so often but deep down, you canât really point out if it was genuine.
after all, hoshina soshiro was good at concealing his emotions and thoughts.
but then again, okonogi wasnât stupid. it pains her to be the one whoâs stuck between the vice captain and her subordinate. soshiro was the same as the night he didnât get to neutralize kaiju no. 8 back then. shoulder slumped, arms crossed, a slight pout on his lips, and an expression that clearly stated he was pondering about somethingâor perhaps someone?
âyou miss them, donât you?â okonogi suddenly asks as she organizes the paperwork in front of her. working with hoshina when it came to paperwork wasnât really new, except for this time because you would also be present in times like these. âmiss who?â he decided to play dumb (or is the right term indenial?)
âplease donât make me spell it out for you, vice captain.â she replied, pushing up her glasses.
hoshina doesnât reply, zoning out as he thinks about okonogiâs words. well, it wasnât really false that your sudden absence had changed things in the vice captainâs usual routine. he doesnât see you making a cup of coffee after he finishes training in the middle of the night. nor does he see you drowning yourself in research at the library when youâre not in the operations room, where soshiro would personally lend you a hand and provide his own insights on whatever youâre researching.
oh.Â
oh.
he does miss you.
but thatâs just normal, right? friends miss each other. and friends tend to leave sometimes but they will always come back when the time is right. however, the head of operations for the third division didnât have to be some kind of genius to put two and two together.Â
the vice captain has some sort of interest in you as well; he just hasnât realized it himself.
â â â â â â â âÂ
the day you returned from the first division was the day everything went back to normal for soshiro.
it was currently a quarter after one in the morning, and he had just finished his training. he ended up going more overtime than usual, but if he hadn't, he probably wouldâve missed the open door to the library at this hour. and of course, being the ever so curious man he is, he takes a peek in.
and again, there you were. but this time, you were drowning yourself again in research. your hair was a bit messy, and the eyebags doesnât go unnoticed by him. yet in spite of that, soshiro still found your appearance to be lovely. maybe it was just the fatigue from his training, or perhaps itâs the thought of you being so determined in your work that sparked such a thought in him.
regardless of what the reason actually was, soshiro found your appearance lovely despite it all.
âyou should head to bed soon.â he says, approaching the table you were currently working on. you looked up, surprised to see him awake at this hour. but you put your focus back on your work, not even giving him a second glanceâwhich surprised the vice captain. he reads on whatever you were working on, noticing that they were mostly reports of kaiju no. 9.Â
âresearching on kaiju no. 9, i see. need a hand?â
âthereâs just something off about him and i canât put my finger on it. also thanks, but no thanks. i can handle this myself, vice captain.â
âitâs almost two in the morning, are you sure about that?â
he didnât quite catch on to what your reply was, but he was positive that you just declined his offer either way. hoshina decides to pull up the chair beside you and grab the small stack of reports in front of you. he rotates the lamp a bit in his direction, but just enough to leave some light for you to read as well if you needed to.
you sigh at him. âvice captain, you really donât have toââ
âbut i want to. itâs the least i could do.â
truth be told, you really canât bring yourself to be in the presence of the vice captain now. everything was just confusing. you were aware that the vice captain doesnât really like paperwork in general (who even likes paperwork in the first place?) but you donât get why heâs so insistent on helping you every time he finds you here. Â
you donât get why he likes your company so much. you considered yourself to be plain, a bit mundane for someone to actually spend some time with. especially when your interests donât really spark any others for the most part.Â
and while you may be a hopeless romantic, you werenât foolish. even if you like the vice captain whoâs currently making an effort to help you with your work, heâs just way out of your league. heâs too high to reach, and you were sure as hell that he would never actually look at you in that way. not now, not ever.
but why? why does a part of you keep saying that maybe he does? he wouldnât do all of that if he didnât actually look at you in that way, right? hope is a dangerous thing for someone who doesnât know how to stop. for someone like you who refuses to give up on most occasions. it was stupid. foolish. naive.
not now, not ever would hoshina soshiro actually look at you that way.
âvice captain, please get some rest.â
âi could say the same to you.â
god, why is this man so stubborn? is he not tired from all the late night training he does? you thought, slowly getting frustrated. hoshina tells you his observations based on the reports in his hands and shares his hypothesis on the matter. he had some valid points and heâs lending a great hand at the moment. but frustration was just getting the best of you at the moment from your numerous trains of thought.
âthe fact that he can adapt so easily is scary in itself. and the recent report of him breaking in the operations room in the first division states thatââ
âwhy are you doing this?â you cut him off.
hoshina stares at you, dumbfounded at your question. he opens his mouth to answer, but no words actually come out of him. he chuckles bitterly in his mind. soshiro would like an answer to that question as well. but then it dawned on him. every flashed across his mind in seconds, and he finally realized it.
yet the result of that still scared him.
he was in love. hoshina soshiro is in loveâwith you nonetheless. the person he swore was just a friend. it took him quite a while to realize it, always being in denial that it was just normal for friends to act the way you two were. but he was in love. and that scared him. because what is he supposed to do when he finally realizes that you have consumed him? he never wanted this to happen, not in a million years.
but perhaps he was in love with you long before he started tripping along the lines of being friends and something more.
why are you doing this? your question echoed in his head. because i love you, he swallows back down his throat. he canât say it. thereâs no way things would work out. he could die any day and heâd rather not see you miserable because of his death. it would be better if you found someone elseâbut how ironic. he couldnât really handle the thought of you being with someone else in the first place.
why are you doing this? your question echoes again. âbecause i love you.â he finally says, hesitant even. hesitant to know what youâre reaction was going to be. your eyes went wide at the sudden confession, and hoshina was certain that you wouldnât believe him (well, he couldnât really believe it either). âyouâre kidding me,â you replied.
âiâm not.â
and surely enough, the look on the vice captainâs eyes said it all. he was dead serious. "i... why?â it's ten past two in the fucking morning, and you were too scared to accept that all of this was occurring right now, so you were afraid to ask. you were too scared to just randomly wake up and realize that maybe it was all a dream. too scared to believe that your feelings are being reciprocated.
âbecause youâre differentâdifferent to me, if that makes sense. itâs like you have this effect when it comes to me. food tastes better whenever i share a meal with you; my day just feels more peaceful whenever i get to see youâre doing fine, and i realized that maybe i havenât actually looked at you like a friend or coworker for as long as i can remember; i was just too stupid to realize it earlier.â he avoids his gaze for a moment before looking at you again.
âi love you. i want you to look at me and love me too. weâve come too far to turn back. iâm already too deep into you.â
you were speechless.Â
he loves you. he loves you. he loves you. it repeated like some sort of chant inside of your head as you processed everything. hoshina soshiro loves you backâwho wouldâve thought? you hadnât realized that he was sitting so close to you. the tension was so thick, but you easily cut it down as you started with your response.
âyouâre an amazing man, vice captain, and i truly cannot grasp how you could feel such feelings towards me, but i love you too.â you could see hoshina jump in his seat in shock at your confession, but you continued. âi love you in ways you have never been loved, for reasons that you may not have been told, for longer than you think you deserve and with more than you will ever know existed inside of me. yet i canât help but still wonder⊠how? why? wait no, why was already answeredââ
he chuckles at you. stopping you with your words. âwhatâs so funny?â you pouted at him. âitâs nothing. i just canât believe that weâre seriously having this moment at two in the morning.â
âsorry, i think that may have been on my part. i kind of snapped there because i was just so⊠confused.â
âconfused?â
âyeah, confused if weâve crossed the line between friends or lovers without actually realizing it. crazy, right?â
hoshina moves a bit closer to you, making the distance between the two of you smaller than before. he puts his forehead against yours. ânot really, but i look at you, and i just love you, and it terrifies me. it terrifies me what i would do for you. iâm in love but iâm also terrifiedâthatâs what i think is crazy.â
âthen letâs be terrified together,â you whispered to him.
a soft laugh leaves his lips this time. âi like the sound of that.â he whispers back.
he loves you.
and you love him back.
thatâs all what matters.
love, in general, can make you feel all sorts of things. joy, confusion, anger, fear, and many more. it can also make you do all sorts of things. it can make you do things you never really imagined doing for or with someone in the first place. it tends to be irrationalâridiculous, even. but the thought of doing all of it for the person you care most about? you finally realized thatâs simply what love is all about for you.
to love is something you truly cannot name.
#( writings )#kaiju no. 8 x reader#kaiju no. 8#kn8 x reader#kn8#soshiro hoshina x reader#hoshina soshiro x reader#hoshina x reader#soshiro hoshina#x reader#IM SO INSANE LIKE WDYM I WROTE FOR HIM AGAIN#ILL WRITE FOR MY OTHER REQUESTS I SWEAR JUST GIVE ME SOME MORE TIME#im having troubles w an ichikawa req i have uhhh but its fine ik what will happen i just dont know how to put it into words yk !!!!#but ill post that one soon along w my narumi piece too (hopefully)
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How He Handles Jealousy
Thank you so much for the request for this headcanon! It turned out to be longer than I initially anticipated, but I hope you find it enjoyable to read. Happy reading!
Being fresh in a relationship often means confronting one's own insecurities. One of these is the question of whether one can fully trust their partner and how to deal with it when the partner themselves is plagued by the question of whether they are truly enough. So what about the ghouls: How do they handle this in both directions? In this scenario, we assume that you are in a relationship and that you, of course, never pursue any ill intentions when creating a situation that makes your loved one jealous, and vice versa. We are always talking about a healthy level of jealousy.
Jin
Jin does not strike you as a man who becomes jealous easily. He has rank, status, outrageously good looks, and charisma. Who would dare to even consider getting too close to his beloved? And what could lead him to think that you might have an interest in someone other than him? Exactly: nothing.
Nevertheless, even the king of Frostheim occasionally experiences a strange feeling in his chest when he sees you showing a little too much interest in another person. There's nothing wrong with playing it safe, right? He will be quite open about his jealousy, though he wouldn't label it as such. Instead, he will explicitly ask you what you have going on with the other person. Depending on your answer, he will either allow you to continue interacting with them undisturbed or he will ask you to keep your distance. If you disagree, he will accept it but will become noticeably clingy and unusually touchy in the presence of that person in the future.
Conversely, Jin cannot imagine that you could ever be jealous of anyone. Aside from the fact that you are his everything, which he always shows you in his own way, he considers you superior to all other people. How could you possibly think that anyone could measure up to you? Since he can't stand most other people anyway, he would never deliberately get too close to someone else.
He won't notice your jealousy unless you communicate it clearly. Initially, he will stare at you in disbelief and will need to process what you just said. Once he has absorbed the information, he will suddenly start laughing heartily. He'll begin to grin devilishly, cup your chin, and gently pull you a bit closer to his face. "Come to my room after the event tonight. I'll show you enough good reasons why you don't need to worry."
Tohma
Tohma is a true gentleman with far too good manners for you to ever suspect that he feels jealousy. However, in the early stages of your relationship, this feeling is anything but foreign to him, as your time together is limited, and he is careful to keep your relationship a secret for as long as possible. Who wouldn't feel negative emotions when they see the person they desire getting close to other people, even if it's just a fleeting touch of their hand?
Without the chains he has bound himself with by moving to Frostheim, he would certainly be the type to charmingly but firmly put any rivals in their place. Depending on how far the rival has gone with you, it could even be imaginable that he would elegantly beat him to a pulp in an alley. Otherwise, a public display of your connection through physical contact would suffice to remind the audacious guy who heâs messing with. However, in Frostheim, Tohma is forced to use different means. If your new clingy acquaintance suddenly starts keeping their distance from you, it will likely be because they received an anonymous and highly convincing threatening letter. Everyone has skeletons in their closets, and Tohma knows exactly how to find and leverage them.
Although he is rather distant, Tohma has a seductive way of conversing with others, so it's highly likely that one or two women may have cast an eye on him. Since you are suffering as much as he is from the secrecy of your relationship, you will, sooner or later, inevitably find yourself ensnared in the burning arms of jealousy.
Even if Tohma can empathize with your feelings because he knows them as well as you do, he will want to maintain the façade at all costs and will earnestly ask you to be patient and hold back just a little longer. Sooner or later, everything will fall into place, and you can be together whenever you want. But whatever happens, don't act too rashly, as Tohma's goals for his service to the Frost King will always take precedence. By letting you into his life, he is undoubtedly risking a lot, so cut him some slack if he can't change his public behavior for now. The silver lining is that you'll receive more messages asking you to bring him "special documents" to the vault room. Reviewing those together will always take a bit more time.
Luca
Luca sees you as an honorable person and won't easily entertain the thought that anyone could take you from him, unless itâs death itself. Some situations may seem strange to him in the early days of your relationship when he sees you getting close to other men, with whom you're building a tighter (albeit genuinely platonic) relationship. Even Luca is not immune to feeling a bit uneasy.
Assuming that everything must be as it should, he will swallow that uncomfortable feeling for a long time and wonât let on. Unfortunately, he will do this until it boils over, and his feelings overwhelm him. In the next situation he observes â even if itâs just lunch at Sho's food truck â he will come directly to you and confront you both. Since by that point you likely won't have known anything about Luca's emotional state (how could you?), you'll be utterly incredulous and shocked as you watch Luca throw all his pride overboard, take your hands in his, look deep into your eyes, and seriously ask whether you still love him and want to stay with him, or if you've decided to be happier with another man. The shame reflected on his face when you tell him he couldn't be more wrong will remain a topic of conversation on campus for a long time. He won't stop apologizing to both you and your friend, promising that such behavior won't happen again. It might be best to take the poor man along to your meetings so he feels better.
Luca is an old-fashioned gentleman, inherently friendly and courteous to everyone. Unfortunately, he can quickly lose sight of his surroundings when he believes he is doing the right thing, leading to situations that may push others too far and evoke jealousy without him ever intending to.
If you react to your jealousy with a corresponding mood, Luca will quickly notice and address it. However, he won't pick up on any subtle hints you might drop that aren't blatantly obvious, as he wonât be aware of any inappropriate behavior. Once he knows how you feel, he won't stop apologizing and will be overwhelmed with guilt, culminating in showering you with attention and gifts. He promises you that he won't make such a mistake again, and he means it.
Kaito
Unfortunately, Kaito suffers from extremely low self-esteem, which also reflects the intensity of his feelings. Any tiny bit of attention you give to another man will immediately be interpreted as a sign of disinterest in him. At first, he will try to calm himself down. "Come on, Kaito, that's perfectly normal! Everyone has friends of the opposite sex! It doesn't mean anything." Despite all his efforts, his insecurity will eventually overwhelm him, and he will try to speak to you privately during a quiet moment, trying to subtly inquire about the person he is feeling envious of. "What exactly do you two discuss all the time?" "Where do you know him from?" "Does he have a girlfriend?"
Depending on the nature of your response, it will either calm him down for a while or bring him to tears. However, he would never bring it up in public. His crying will, at worst, only be noticed by his neighbors (who probably aren't surprised). Have some compassion for the poor man. He is so happy with you and still can't fathom that an angel like you chose him as her boyfriend of all people. Him, who feels like he has nothing to offer. Thus, the fear of losing you becomes even more pronounced because you might realize that he is really worthless. This, of course, is not true, and you've likely told him enough times. However, words alone wonât help him in this case. Involve him in your outings with friends and communicate or show publicly that Kaito is your boyfriend. Besides making him the happiest person on the planet, it will help calm him down.
If you, on the other hand, become jealous of someone Kaito is interacting with, you can assume that he won't pick up on it at first. After all, he wouldnât know what there is to be jealous about. Sure, Kaito didnât pass up any chance to flirt with other women on campus before your relationship, but that was, as stated, before you got together. Meanwhile, he would never risk making you feel unloved. If you initially donât communicate your jealousy directly and react with a worse mood instead, the last thing he will suspect is jealousy.
So if you canât shake off those feelings, communicate them. He may respond with confusion and even shock, but secretly he will be flattered. This will be an opportunity for you to boost his self-esteem, which can only benefit Kaito. He will cease any activities that lead to your jealousy and will make it clear in public (as long as you both agree on how to appear in public) that it is only you by his side.
Alan
Itâs relatively hard to imagine Alan becoming quickly jealous in the classic sense. Since heâs already unsure in the early stages of the relationship whether it was the right decision to enter it on his part, he wouldnât really hold it against you if you got closer to other people. Not that you yourself would ever have such thoughts, but Alan might interpret even the slightest closeness to someone else as you reconsidering your relationship with him.
Just because he wonât actively bring it up doesnât mean he wonât feel uncomfortable when he sees you (in his view) getting too familiar with another person. When his chest tightens, and he feels the urge to step in, hold you in his arms, and never let go to ensure that you belong to him alone, he would never act on that feeling.
On the other hand, he would never assume that you might be jealous of another woman he interacts with. Let alone that he would ever give another woman enough attention for you to even consider it. So, if you want to clear things up, youâll need to bring it up directly with him.
Knowing that you're jealous would simply break his heart, and he would wonder where he went wrong. Did he give you the impression that youâve become unimportant to him? Did he not give you enough attention? Did he actually get too close to someone else? He would apologize a thousand times and reassure you that you are his everything and that thereâs really nothing to worry about. He would avoid the other person as much as possible from then on, or at least behave much more distantly. He would never want to give the wrong impression or hurt you in any way.
Sho
Sho is a very easy-going and uncomplicated guy when it comes to relationships. He gives you all the freedom in the world and fully trusts that youâd never let anyone cross the line. The only thing that could trigger jealousy in Sho is his highly developed protective instinct. Thanks to his friendship with Leo and their excessive clubbing, he knows the dark sides of human nature all too well, and he wants to shield you from them at all costs.
So, if he notices another guy leaving his hand on your shoulder for just a millisecond too long, the good manâs protective instinct kicks in, and he feels the need to set that guy straight by joining in and adding some physical contact with you. He will throw the rival a few unmistakable looks. Once the boundaries are established and Sho has made it clear with his body language what happens if the guy gets too close to his beloved girlfriend, Sho will disappear just as quickly as he came. Have fun with the rest of your evening!
In the case that you are jealous when Sho interacts with certain people, heâll notice it from your body language right away, unless you outright tell him. Sho is, after all, an extremely attentive and surprisingly empathetic man who doesnât miss a single one of your glances. Even though he would expect the same trust from you that he gives you, he doesnât react with disappointment or rejection, but with loving teasing. âWhat, seriously, youâre jealous of her?â He simply finds your jealousy too cute to be genuinely angry.
Sho also belongs to the type of guy who would take you along to meetings with the respective person to make things more obvious and help ease your insecurities. From now on, heâll also be a little more careful to ensure that his actions toward others donât provoke any negative feelings in you.
Leo
Leo would never admit that heâs jealous of someone who (in his eyes) is getting too close to you. Absolutely not. If he feels anything, itâs anger because youâre risking being seen together, and his followers might think thereâs trouble between you and the influencer. Yeah, thatâs definitely the only thing that comes to his mind when he sees you with a supposed rival. Itâs the same when he sees overly nice comments from men about you under his videos and promptly deletes them. Donât let it go to your head or get any silly ideas.
So, donât think too much of it when he grumbles at you to be careful how you interact with other guys because it could give off the wrong impression. Donât read too much into it either if he starts marking his territory when you donât listen and still let that boring guy (allegedly) get too close. For Leo, the smallest form of physical contact is enough to trigger his jealous attentive radar. Heâll then quickly start pushing himself between you two, showering you with physical (and surely inappropriate for the situation) attention. Additionally, in his usual cruel style, heâll subtly insult and try to humiliate his supposed rival. If youâre in a relationship with Leo, youâll have to love him very much to deal with his behavior.
In Leoâs eyes, itâs obviously nooooo problem at all if other girls get too close to him. After all, heâs a popular influencer and canât neglect his fans. Why would you even think heâd start anything with one of those airheads? If you do somehow let your jealousy show, you can expect to be met with plenty of scorn and mockery on his part.
Leo wonât be able to stop laughing and will call you âstupidâ in the most creative ways more than once. Of course, heâll never show outwardly how cute he actually finds your jealousy. And he certainly wonât change his behavior toward his fans. Bad for business.
However, heâll now start including you in his videos much more frequently to make you feel better. Itâs definitely not because he enjoys showing off his cute girlfriend to everyone and bragging about you. Now, he just has a really good excuse to hide his true intentions behind.
Haru
Haru is usually too busy to worry about something like jealousy. Just like you, he also has his tasks and his daily life, which you can arrange however you like, with whomever you like. Things only get critical if you start spending time with someone else (for whatever reason) thatâs meant for the both of you. The first couple of times, he would take it as normal, but by the third rejection, his attention would be caught. Do you have someone else?
Haru isnât really the type to want to take away anyoneâs freedom. And certainly not yours. But sooner or later, he wonât be able to bear that uncomfortable, gnawing feeling in his chest anymore and will ask you, more or less casually, whatâs going on. Are you lacking something? Did he do something wrong? If you ask him more specifically why heâs asking, heâll calmly explain that he finds it strange that you have less time for him and that heâs worried youâre dissatisfied with him. Since you certainly arenât (and if you are, please bring it up directly â communication is everything in a relationship!), youâll reassure him that thereâs a very good reason for your absence and he doesnât need to worry. Heâll accept any explanation you give with relief because he fully trusts you.
In the reverse situation, Haru will quickly sense your discomfort if you somehow develop jealousy. He may not invest as much time in a relationship as others, but the time he does take for the both of you is used to its fullest. As a result, he gets to know you very well, very quickly, and senses right away when something is wrong. Heâll immediately ask you about it and want to know exactly whatâs bothering you.
If itâs his light flirting with female guests at the Safari Park, heâll do his best to cut it out, even though itâs completely meaningless to him. However, he wonât always succeed entirely because itâs just part of his nature, so please donât hold it against him too much. Whatever else has triggered your jealousy, heâll try to stop doing it from now on, as long as itâs within his control (some circumstances just donât allow certain behaviors to change). At the same time, heâll encourage you to have a bit more self-confidence and stop doubting his feelings for you because theyâre more than genuine. To be sure, though, heâll conspicuously and practically tell everyone just how fantastic his girlfriend is. Absolutely everyone. In every situation. Ren will get tired of hearing it. Towa, on the other hand, will love it. Eventually, everyone on campus will know that you are the great love of the ranger. Youâll also soon read this fact on the new brochures for the Safari Park. Still have doubts?
Towa
Once you enter a relationship with Towa, you are completely devoted to him. You are his dandelion, and he is your Prince Charming. Your love is pure and true, making it unthinkable for anyone to come between you. While Towa wouldnât dream of restricting your time with friends, he wonât tolerate anyone who seems to have more than friendship on their mind.
Towa feels his emotions intensely and is quickly overwhelmed by jealousy once it arises. You'll notice his mood shift instantlyâwhere sunshine was, storm clouds now linger when you and a friend are too close. Heâll wait for you to approach him, but if you bring it up, his anger will flare. Why would you let anyone come so close? Explanations wonât suffice here, and actions must follow to calm him. A little more physical distance between you and your friend will be necessary from now on. Towa dreams of a fairytale romance with his soulmate, and that includes avoiding any outward appearances that could be misunderstood.
On the flip side, itâs rare for Towa to get close to someone else, as he tends to keep people at a distance. Besides, itâs almost unthinkable for him to give much attention to anyone other than his beloved dandelion. His love for you is deep and genuine.
Should the impossible happen, and you feel jealous of someone else, Towa would drop that person in a heartbeat. Everyone besides you (and maybe Haru) is practically irrelevant to him. Heâll have no problem acting in a way that reassures you. âYouâre being silly, dandelion. Youâre the most beautiful flower of them all!â
Ren
Poor guy. Wasnât it painful enough for him to realize his feelings for you and act on them? Now he must also admit that you mean so much to him that even the thought of you leaving him for some brainless dullard drives him insane? Even though you likely wouldnât give him such reason to worry, the thought is hard to avoid. Ren has healthy self-confidence, but at the beginning of your relationship, he canât shake the fear that you might be one of those girls whoâd ditch him for a macho guy at the first chance.
Renâs jealousy is noticeable by how harshly he insults his supposed rival. âWhy are you hanging out with a guy who looks like he sleeps at the gorilla enclosure?â or âAre you sure youâre actually texting with him and not an AI? No way that guy learned how to write.â These are just some of the quips youâll hear. It wonât take much to figure out how Ren is feeling. He wouldnât ask to join you at these meetups or accompany you if you asked. Nor would he ever demand you stop seeing this person; itâs still your life, after all. However, showering him with extra affection wonât hurt, and though it wonât make his mood improve immediately, heâll deeply enjoy your attention. He knows he has to handle his feelings himself, and with time, he will.
Youâre unlikely to feel jealous of anyone in Renâs life, as he tends to avoid most people. If anything, you might get jealous of an online acquaintance he chats with often. Should you bring it up, heâll likely be annoyed since he canât comprehend how someone can feel threatened by a person who isnât physically present.
Heâs not the type to change his behavior just because youâre uncomfortable. He expects the same freedom he gives you. However, heâll (grudgingly and indirectly) assure you that you never need to worry about him being interested in anyone else. After all, youâre his fellow inmate in the prison called Darkwick, and no one could replace you.
Romeo
Romeo is a territorial type who hates when someone tries to intrude on his kingdom. Itâs not pure jealousy driving him to chase off his so-called rival but more so his outrage at someone daring to approach what belongs to him (yes, you belong to him).
However, how he reacts depends heavily on who youâre spending time with. If youâre hanging out with Kaito, Romeo wonât care much since he doesnât see him as a threat. But if your ârivalâ is more elegant and even remotely comparable to Romeoâs beauty, things get dangerous. First, heâll start appearing around you more often, publicly wrapping his arms around you and giving you tender kisses on the cheek. While youâre still trying to figure out whatâs happening, heâll brush your flushed cheek and whisper in your ear about how stunning you look today, all while shooting a triumphant glance at his rival. Not only does he publicly claim you, but he also secures a romantic interlude in his officeâunless, of course, you can resist a jealous Romeo. This scenario could repeat endlessly, but it wouldnât be wise to test Romeoâs patience. One day, your rival might mysteriously disappear. Strange how things happenâŠ
Conversely, Romeo expects you to have enough self-confidence to not let such a petty feeling as jealousy control you (easy for him to say). There will likely be plenty of occasions to make even the most confident person sweat with anxiety. After all, Romeo is incredibly attractive and knows how to use his charm to get what he wants. Who wouldnât be tempted?
If you canât hold back and express your discomfort over his behavior with someone else, youâll initially be met with disbelief and disappointment. Did he really choose a partner so insecure that she thinks the infallible Romeo would ever be in a relationship with someone replaceable? Nonsense. His words might make you feel like heâs dismissing your feelings, telling you to pull yourself together, but his actions will tell a different story. From then on, heâll bring you along to meetings with that person, showing you subtle yet unmistakable affection for everyone to see.
Taiga
It wonât be easy to provoke jealousy in Taiga. Not because heâs incapable of such feelings or because he doesnât care about you, but simply because he hardly takes his eyes off you. Heâs quite the clingy type and takes you practically everywhere he goes. Where would be the time to connect with someone else well enough for Taiga to have any wrong ideas?
However, if you do have enough time to become close friends with another guy, such that you have some (purely platonic) physical contact (a hand on the shoulder is enough), Taiga will quickly become dangerously jealous. Who dares to touch his beloved lucky charm?! This friendship wonât last long, as Taiga will swiftly come up to you, casually drape an arm around you, and with the other, draw his weapon and shamelessly aim it at his rival. âI think itâs time for you to leave.â Even though he says this calmly with a smile on his lips, hardly anyone will miss the seriousness of the situation. Heâll tolerate your complaints about his behavior and wave them off with boredom. But he will do it again if anyone approaches you in that way. His jealousy only flares up with charismatic types; the only exception might be Romeo. With people he perceives as losers, you can remain friends as you like. Donât look at him like that. You chose this relationship for yourself.
In the very unlikely event that you become jealous of someone in Taigaâs vicinity, an (extremely uncomfortable) solution will also quickly present itself. Taiga will notice your jealousy if you react to him in a particular mood. When you tell him the reason, he will laugh loudly and pat your head, visibly amused as he asks if he means so much to you that you become jealous so quickly.
âNo reason to worry, kitty cat, look.â Without hesitation, he pulls out a weapon and aims it at the person who triggered your jealousy. You should really react quickly at this point to prevent something worse. He truly doesnât care about anything except you, and unfortunately, he has no qualms about showing that.
Ritsu
To provoke someone like Ritsu into such a base feeling as jealousy would take quite a lot. He is an extremely pragmatic man who has his own way of handling feelings, which he keeps quite well under control. Moreover, as his chosen one, you must possess certain qualities to even be considered at his side, including loyalty.
So why should Mr. Shinjo even worry that you might fall for another man? After all, you entered into a relationship, and that comes with rulesâlike an invisible contract that you both signed with a kiss. If he has doubts about you, they are likely to be well-foundedâlike obviously more than purely platonic physical contact with another man or blatantly ignoring Ritsu in the presence of certain people. In this case, he will immediately address it and ask for clarification of the matter.
Conversely, it will also be difficult for him to develop jealousy towards someone Ritsu associates with. You know his professional nature too well. So unless you yourself tend toward strong jealousy over trivial matters, you will only be overwhelmed by your feelings in absolutely justified situations.
Ritsu is a good observer and will quickly notice if something is wrong with you. He will directly address it to inquire about the reason for your mood swing. However, he would be a bit disappointed if you didnât bring it up yourself. He will address the problem directly and wonât waste time on the fact that he cannot comprehend your feelings, because the fact is, you have them, and he doesnât want you to feel uncomfortable. Whatever behavior led to your jealousy: he will cease it immediately.
Haku
Haku is not someone who becomes jealous easily, which is why he grants you a lot of freedom. You would have to give someone an unusually large amount of attention to evoke that feeling in Haku. However, he isnât the type of person to directly express his discomfort. Instead, he will endure the feeling and the sight of the two of you for quite some time until he can no longer help but take action.
Nevertheless, he wonât directly address it; instead, he will take care of the problem himself, activating his hunting instinct and increasingly joining you whenever youâre with that particular someone. In doing so, he will try to more or less subtly solidify his status as your boyfriend. A spontaneous kiss on the cheek, his arm around your waist throughout the meeting, the casual question of when he can expect you tonight⊠Yep, heâll manage his emotional chaos on his own. So you can sit back and enjoy this extra attention.
If you are the one who becomes jealous (which is more than understandable considering Hakuâs naturally flirtatious nature), he will quickly notice regardless of how you communicate. Not that he would want to hurt you intentionally, but he will likely find your jealousy quite adorable and will playfully tease you about it. He certainly wonât pass up the chance to annoy you. âWatch out, Iâm meeting a certain lady today who is quite pretty, but she canât even begin to compare to the princess in front of me,â or âI donât know if youâre ready for this, but Iâm seeing that one person today to whom I recently told her hairstyle looks good. But donât worry: I wonât take her home.â Heâll ride that horse for a long time.
But rest assured, Haku only wants whatâs best for you. So to take away any uncertainty, he will present you even more obviously as his beloved girlfriend in public. He wonât suggest it himself, but if you express a desire to meet those individuals who triggered your jealousy, he wonât refuse. After all, he has nothing to hide. However, youâd need to be pretty thick-skinned to endure that meeting, during which Haku will naturally be all over you the whole time to show you that you neednât worry about anyone taking his flirting seriously, as everyone should already know heâs taken.
Subaru
The former Kabuki actor suffers from many insecurities regarding himself. This is likely connected to his somewhat impractical ability that can activate without his active involvement, showing him things that were never meant for his eyes. Despite all circumstances, he has entered into a relationship with you and, given the physical contact youâve likely had, knows pretty much everything about you there is to know. This includes knowing your sincere feelings for him.
Because of this, thereâs hardly any reason for Subaru to develop jealousy. You have your friends and handle them your way. Thatâs absolutely okay for him. The only exception might be strangers who have just appeared and are still difficult for Subaru to assess. In this case, especially charismatic individuals who are also very friendly toward you could provoke some jealousy in him, but he would never show it openly or address it, because, as mentioned: he knows you and trusts you completely. However, you might notice a change in his suddenly much more self-confident and assertive demeanor towards the strangers, indicating what has triggered this character change.
Conversely, Subaru will notice even the slightest change in your mood or behavior and interpret it correctly, so your jealousy wonât remain hidden for long. Being who he is, he wonât stop apologizing, sincerely assuring you that he never intended to evoke those feelings in you. The situation is visibly uncomfortable for him.
Since he takes your feelings very seriously and feels them himself through your physical contact, he will take all necessary measures to nip them in the bud. This includes, of course, assuring you thousands of times that you never have to worry. Heâs far too polite to simply dismiss other people, but he will still behave a bit more distantly towards those individuals.
Zenji
Given his circumstances, Zenji was likely quite difficult to convince to enter into a relationship, so he probably gives you a lot of freedom in how you interact with othersâeven though he, too, can reach his limits. However, he would never expect you to completely devote yourself to him when you still have your whole life ahead of you.
When it comes to the feeling of jealousy in general, he knows it all too well, as he practically feels that biting sensation towards anyone who has the privilege of being physically close to you and feeling your warmth. However, assume that he would never communicate this feeling under any circumstances. He loves you too much and is too at peace with himself and his situation.
We can probably skip the reverse scenario, as besides a few chosen ones, no one can see him anyway. But if Zenji was already that kind of person in life, it stands to reason that someone with the right disposition could quickly become envious of his admirers, with whom he interacts very openly and invitingly, even if he never has any ulterior motives.
Zenji is the definition of a pure soul. If for any reason you were ever in a situation where you became jealous of someone who interacted with him, he would noticeâwhether you show it or not. Without ever bringing it up himself, he would simply cease the behavior that led to your jealousy. For you should never even entertain the idea that anyone could be more interesting to him than his dearly beloved muse.
Rui
Since Rui is someone who could easily steal a girlfriend from one or two guys, he is even more wary of guys of his caliber. Itâs not that he doesnât trust you per se, but he just knows how quickly someone can be tempted when the right buttons are pressed. To make matters worse, Rui isnât really able to defend himself. He canât just take you in his arms to present you as his or stand up to a guy to show dominance. Your relationship is, at best, only known through hearsay. Of course, he will feel unbearably burning jealousy when he sees someone who can touch you so easily while Rui stays in the background. And this type of jealousy is a thousand times worse than the one he literally feels toward anyone who has the privilege of touching you.
In a relationship with Rui, you should be quite careful about how you interact with other men, as Rui finds himself in an extremely vulnerable position that has been exacerbated by your relationship since he suddenly has even more to lose than before. Since he already feels guilty about being in a relationship with you when you should ideally be with someone who can offer you more than he can, he will never openly reveal his feelings to spare you what he considers an inappropriate guilty conscience. Nevertheless, his jealousy will inevitably reflect in his mood and wonât escape your trained eye. When confronted about it, Rui will admit his jealousy but assure you that you donât need to worry about him because you havenât done anything wrong, and itâs solely his problem. At this point, it doesnât really matter how you react, whether you change your behavior towards the person involved or not. Unfortunately, the damage is already done for Rui.
On the other hand, Rui makes a tremendous effort not to give the impression that heâs still acting the same way as before your relationship or even before his curse. However, flirting is just too natural for him, so he canât always suppress it, even if he doesnât really think anything of it. He will quickly realize if he has crossed a line in your eyes and immediately backtrack. He would never hold your jealousy against you, as heâs self-aware enough to admit that it is absolutely justified, even if he would never go too far.
As far as itâs in his power, he will unobtrusively try to communicate to every woman that he is more than happily taken. So, never be too angry with him. He really is doing his best.
Ed
The elegant vampire is not so easily made jealous, especially since you certainly know what kind of dangerous man youâve gotten yourself into. Heâs also a bit too old and experienced to be overwhelmed by such feelings. However, he absolutely will not tolerate attention-seeking and obvious rivals who come a little too close to you.
Letâs be honest: Ed is a drama queen and has no sense of shame. So brace yourself for a performance worthy of an Oscar. âSo you want to abandon your poor, sick lover? You would just leave me to certain death?â While speaking in a dramatic tone, he physically pushes his rival away with his back and throws himself around your neck after letting out some truly serious coughs. âHavenât I given you all my attention and love? Havenât I satisfied you to your utmost delight every single time? What have I done wrong?â Before you can even sink into the ground out of embarrassment, he begins passionately kissing along your neck until he eventually reaches your mouth. If you donât push him away, he will continue this act until you both find yourselves in a rather compromising position in front of everyone present, while he gains access to your mouth with his tongue. If thatâs not one of your kinks, you should definitely reject him and dramatically declare that he is your great love and has absolutely nothing to fear. He will only be satisfied once youâve embarrassed yourselves so thoroughly in front of everyone that no one would ever think of getting too close to his prey girlfriend again. But if weâre being more honest, thatâs definitely better than the scenario where your supposed rival suddenly disappears from campus and is never seen again.
Conversely, Ed loves to flirt for his life. Itâs in his nature to wrap his prey around his finger so they willingly give him whatever he desires. Fortunately, his interest in other people is quite limited, so you will rarely see him interacting with anyone else besides Lyca and Rui. However, if situations do arise that provoke jealousy in you, Ed will definitely notice it immediately. And he will exploit it.
He loves you fiercely. You can be assured of this when he enters into a relationship with you. However, he remains a man who loves exaggeration. So, if he observes changes in your behavior that indicate jealousy, he will ride that feeling until he pushes your patience to the limit, leaving you with no choice but to explode and confront him. Just as in the case where you âmade him jealous,â he will fairly pull the reverse show and swear his sincere love to you in the most emotional way you can imagine, immediately sending the lady (?) he was just with to hell. He will then hope that you will throw yourself around him, just the way he loves it.
Lyca
For Lyca, the concept of a relationship is quite new, and he must first learn to cope with the new emotions that have opened up to him since then and learn to assign individual feelings. This also includes jealousy. However, it is unlikely that it will quickly become a part of his portfolio, as physical contact is something natural for him and merely a sign of affection. He must first understand that this affection can indeed go deeper before he begins to worry about other guys.
Once he learns what distinguishes a relationship from a good friendship, he will indeed feel that uncomfortable tightness in his chest when he sees you with someone (like Ed) who develops in his new definition of appropriateness. Instead of observing or addressing you about it, he will impulsively take action and confront your perceived rival. âHey, why are you so close to her? She already has a boyfriend, got it?!â Despite Lycaâs heated mood, the situation can quickly and calmly be resolved, as he will listen to your explanations and apologize if he has indeed overreacted (which is quite likely at the beginning). After all, he is still learning, and everything takes time.
In the unlikely event that Lyca interacts with girls that provoke jealousy in you, he will only acknowledge your feelings if you openly communicate them. A changed mood will otherwise simply be dismissed as âwomen are just unnecessarily complicated.â
âHuh, why are you thinking such silly thoughts? Look.â He will immediately wrap his arms around you and give you an unexpected kiss on the mouth. âDo you think I would want to do that with someone else?â However, Lyca takes your feelings seriously enough that he will adjust his behavior toward the individuals involved in the future. Whatever has caused your jealousy will now be stamped as âinappropriate in a relationship.â
Yuri
The great and exalted Yuri Isami would never feel such a base emotion as jealousy. Where do you think youâre going?! Itâs not as if he has no experience with relationships and therefore cannot assess what behavior toward others is normal and what isnât. No, no. He has much more important things to do than pay attention to your leisure activities. As if he would care how close that one guy gets to you, how casually he places his hand on your shoulder, or the way he looks at you. As if Yuri would even give a thought to whether heâs coming so close that the guy can smell your delicately fragrant perfume, which Yuri loves, or whether you give that guy the same charming smile you give Yuri every time you finally see each other again after a long, work-filled day. Really. Completely beneath his dignity.
So if he asks you who that dishonorable worm is that youâve been spending so much time with lately or about whom youâve mentioned one too many times in Yuriâs eyes, he only wants to comply with your alleged request that you should get to know each other better and participate more in each otherâs lives. Even the biggest idiot on the planet wouldnât miss the intentions behind his questions, and itâs certainly incredibly tempting to mention that he is definitely the epitome of the jealous boyfriend. But do you really want to do that to this proud man? He would deny it anyway, and dwelling on his obvious questions would probably only lead to a bad atmosphere. Just assure him that the worm is just a worm you like and that no one can compare to your knight in shining armor. But go ahead and enjoy the feeling of having completely captured this manâs heart.
If you ever feel jealous of someone Yuri is involved with, you will need to communicate it directly, as Yuri wonât quickly come to the idea that you are jealous, even if you react to him with obviously poor mood and irritation.
Even though he will feel very flattered when you confess that you are jealous, he unfortunately belongs to the type of person whose self-confidence should not be stroked too much. He will give you a lecture on how silly it is to give in to such a lowly feeling as jealousy and remind you that there is no reason for it. However, if you insist on it, he will pay more attention in the future to how he interacts with other people so that it doesnât provoke negative feelings in you. The positive side of the story is that Yuri will then give you even more attention and become even more romantic. Because in truth, despite all his strictness, he would never want you to feel bad.
Jiro
Many of the feelings that develop in Jiro during your relationship are completely new to him. The fluttering in his chest when youâre together, the goosebumps your touch gives him, the need to feel your whole body against his skin, and also this new discomfort he feels when he sees you with another man. Generally, he doesn't mind if you spend a lot of time with other men, so it takes quite a bit of physical closeness to evoke feelings of jealousy in him.
Jiro is a pragmatic and very straightforward man. When he observes a situation where you get close enough to another person to provoke jealousy in him, he will first carefully watch both you and himself until he is sure that he can't dispel his insecurity on his own. So be prepared for questions later like, âIs there a special reason why youâre so close?â, âAm I no longer evoking romantic feelings in you, so you've reconsidered our relationship?â, âIs it normal to have multiple lovers?â
Since Jiro is quite an attractive man who works with numerous patients, it wonât be uncommon for him to interact closely with them, and some examinations may take a while. He will never think anything of it and will never come to the idea that you might think something of it either. Itâs his job to take care of his patients. Nothing more, nothing less.
The only exception might be if he has experienced jealousy himself beforehand. In that case, he will have taken note of the trigger and will make sure to avoid giving you the same feeling. Therefore, he will closely observe you in this scenario, and at the slightest hint that you might be jealous, he will come to you and directly remind you that you donât need to worry. Even if youâre not actually jealous. If he hasn't experienced jealousy yet, you will need to directly address your feelings with him and probably explain them in detail so that he can understand, which will likely result in a very awkward conversation for you. And no, he wonât really be able to understand it, as he will never see a reason for jealousy from his perspective. Nevertheless, he will then try to avoid the behavior that triggers those uncomfortable feelings in you.
#tokyo debunker#tokyo debunker x reader#tokyo debunker headcanon#kaito fuji#haku kusanagi#jin kamurai#tohma ishibashi#lucas errant#sho haizono#leo kurosagi#alan mido#towa otonashi#haru sagara#ren shiranami#subaru kagami#zenji kotodama#rui mizuki#edward hart#lyca colt#yuri isami#jiro kirisaki#taiga hoshibami#romeo lucci#ritsu shinjo
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The Slytherin Boys as Disney Princes
Ft. Theodore Nott, Mattheo Riddle, Blaise Zabini, Tom Riddle, Draco Malfoy, and Lorenzo Berkshire. Also features x f!Reader as their equivalent Disney princesses.
© amongemeraldclouds I do not consent to having my work shared or reproduced elsewhere. Please do not claim as your own, tumblr is the only place I share my written work.
âż Masterlist | 1.8k words
From the Wizarding World to magical fairytales, letâs crown our beloved Slytherin boys as the following Disney princes:
Theodore Nott as Prince Charming (Cinderella)
Note: Prince Charming doesnât have much personality in the original 1950s film, but we learn more about him in later films, where I drew information from.
â Raised in privilege as a prince, Theodore Nott lived a very charmed life just as the name Prince Charming suggests.
â With only royals and commoners to distinguish class, he is less prejudiced and more accepting of others. His father taught him at an early age that they have a responsibility to their people just as their people serve them.
â Because of this, he is open and friendly to everyone, including animals. He was once hunting down a deer only for it to be a game in the end, him and the deer are actually friends. (Note: Yes this is canon Prince Charming and is very Theo as well.)
â If Disney were less wholesome, Theo as Prince Charming would have regular lovers, but it will only always be physical. He has not yet found a connection with anyone, but it doesnât matter because he enjoys sex. He certainly never runs out of women to sleep with.
â Beneath all the charm, he secretly hopes to find a love match. The kind of relationship that transcends strategy and status. He longs for passion and romance, much like in the books he reads in the castleâs library, though heâll never let anyone know.
â His father in the meantime is keen to see him married to an eligible maiden so he threw a ball. He rolled his eyes and yawned when no one was looking, initially bored because he still couldnât find the connection he longed for. At this point, he doubted heâd ever find it.Â
â Then he met you. You in your light blue dress and glass slippers. Everything about you sparkled and it ignited something in his heart. He never knew romantic love before you, but he recognized it right away.
â He wouldnât care that you were a commoner, heâd admire your courage and kindness once he got to know you. Besides, true love was far more valuable than any precious metals and gems.
â After you ran off, your glass slipper gave him hope. He was going to stop at nothing to find you, his true love.
Mattheo Riddle as Flynn Rider (Tangled)
ââïž. Left to his own devices, Mattheo Riddle would go on countless adventures across different kingdoms and forests, thieving only as a means to an end so he could survive.Â
ââïž. He enjoys the rush, being chased by the authorities and not being held down by rules or responsibilities. (Except they can never get his damn nose right on Wanted signs despite the distinct cut he has on the bridge of his nose iykyk.)
ââïž. With his charming personality and irresistible smolder, heâs an expert in banding together with fellow criminals and often smooth talks his way into ladiesâ beds. All temporary partnerships for his on-the-go lifestyle.
ââïž. Until one day he comes across you, the girl with golden hair and big eyes â not to be underestimated with your ferocious pan wielding tendencies. He learns the last part a little too late, the hard way.
ââïž. As he promised to take you to see the floating lights in exchange for the crown, he finds himself having fun swinging his fists and learning about your power to bring out the good in people.
ââïž. You managed to charm tough guys in a bar, getting them to talk about their dreamsâof being a florist, of performing on stage, and of falling in love. He realizes it may not be so bad to go on adventures with someone else.
ââïž. He was already mesmerized before he learned about your magical hair. He saw the light within you long before that enchanted night when lanterns floated through the air like stars hung low just for you. And of course, they were always meant for you.
ââïž. Before Mother Gothel could plunge the weapon in him, he already knew he was a goner. He knew he could never go back to who he was. He was now and forever going to be a moth to your flame, your soul as radiant as the sun even long after your golden hair turned brown.
Blaise Zabini as Kristoff (Frozen)
âąâ
*ÖŽ Much like Kristoff, Blaise Zabini exudes a quiet confidence that does not need to declare itself.
âąâ
*ÖŽ As an ice harvester who works with ice picks, hooks and ropes, he has an athletic build and a tough exterior, but do not be fooled for he has a soft heart within.
âąâ
*ÖŽ Having grown among trolls and reindeers, he sometimes gets frustrated when interacting with people. He believes reindeers are better than people, but all that changes when he meets you.
âąâ
*ÖŽ He is very practical and honest, but when he is blunt he often means well. He is quick to call you out on the fact that youâre about to marry a man you hardly know.
âąâ
*ÖŽ He initially agrees to help you end winter to save his ice business and get a new sled. However, the more challenges you face together, he grows to admire your fearlessness and determination.
âąâ
*ÖŽ While you initially find him to be annoying, you soon discover his charming and funny side.
âąâ
*ÖŽ He will however suppress his feelings for you, thinking itâs better to let it go because youâre already engaged anyway. But when truths are revealed and no one is who they appear to be, youâll melt his frozen heart with a kiss on the cheek.
Draco Malfoy as Li Shang (Mulan)
âż To Draco Malfoy, loyalty and family legacy is important, just like Li Shang who aims to be just as great as his father, the head of the Imperial Chinese Army.
âż He is disciplined and has mastered both physical and strategic ways of waging war. He has a lot of traditional beliefs, including making a man out of his troops using elaborate physical training.
âż He starts questioning those beliefs when he sees your determination as Ping, using both weights to climb up the pole even though it took you countless failures throughout the night. What were these confusing feelings in his chest?
âż Yet he couldnât deny it, nor would he try. He was ready to lay his life down for you even before you saved him. It didnât take him long to return the favor when he found out you were a woman and so he spared your life.
âż Despite his firm upbringing, he was always loyal to his heart. Even though you betrayed the army, he knew your intentions had been good and that your hard work made you a skilled soldier.
âż He listened and trusted your last ditch efforts to save the Emperor, even resorting to cross dressing as part of the plan. It all paid off as you saved the Emperor and all of China.Â
âż In the end, you were absolved of your deceit and honored for your heroism, finally letting your reflection show who you are and what youâre made of. Your final crime was stealing his heart.
Tom Riddle as Aladdin (Aladdin)
ⶠTom Riddle grew up as an orphan and resorted to a life of crime to survive in Agrabah. Secretly, he enjoyed it too.
ⶠSmitten by your beauty, he saved you from a merchant at the market and he was impressed with your agility when it came to dodging the authorities.
ⶠWhen you reached Aladdinâs home, you revealed you were from the palace and left thinking youâd never see him again. He longed to visit the palace to get another glimpse of your beauty.
ⶠNamed as a diamond in the rough, Jafar recognized Tomâs talent and recruited him to steal the magic lamp from the Cave of Wonders. Encouraged by the promise of riches (therefore power) and a subconscious need to please Jafar, he takes on the task, saving a magic carpet in the process.
ⶠBack at the palace, your father sought to marry you off to find a successor to his throne. You met suitors, including a flashy prince called Ali from Ababwa.
ⶠOn a magic carpet ride, you trick Ali into admitting heâs the thief you previously met at the market. He manipulates you into thinking heâs the prince and the thief persona was just an act for him to get to know the city better.
ⶠWhen Jafar uncovers Tomâs identity, he steals the magic lamp and wreaks havoc using the genieâs wishes. Understanding Jafarâs ego, he tricks him into wishing to be the most powerful being in the universe, which imprisons Jafar in his own lamp as a genie.
ⶠInstead of using his last wish to continue being the rightful prince who can marry you, he used it to free the genie, as he has now learned how power corrupts others. It wasnât worth it.
ⶠCrowned as the next sultana, you recognized how our actions and choices defined us. Despite Tomâs manipulations, he showed up and was willing to learn. He was not afraid to look into the dark and make the right decisions when it mattered, a husband fit for a ruler.
Lorenzo Berkshire as Jack Frost (Rise of The Guardians)
Before you come at me, I know Jack Frost is not a Disney prince, but Iâm a Jelsa truther so here we are.
â
Lorenzo Berkshire mirrors Jack Frostâs love for mischief and games. As the guardian of fun, he enjoys playing harmless tricks on children and hearing them laugh as a result.
â
Beneath the playful exterior, he deeply cares for those around him, having saved his sister from a frozen lake. His ultimate sacrifice led to his untimely demise, which the Man in The Moon rewarded him by making him immortal and granting him powers.Â
â
He never found much need for romance, opting to spend his days playing with children and visiting his fellow guardians instead. Until one day, he visits the Enchanted Forest and comes across you, its mighty protector.
â
Despite the initial distrust, he wins you over with his easy smile and sincerity. You never realized it until then, how lonely it was to be an ice queen without her king.
â
Jack was also amazed to find someone else who could play with the magic of snow. He felt seen and understood like never before. For once, the loneliness in his heart melted away.
â
So you spent your days together, laughing over silly jokes and exchanging stories. The cold never bothered you, but being with him made you understand why people enjoyed the sweetness of hot cocoa and why they cuddled close to a fire.
â
Both your friends and family were happy for you. One day, Jack asked you to invite everyone so you can have a contest on who built the best sculptures. Your audience and judges comprised of Jackâs fellow Guardians, Queen Anna and King Kristoff, Olaf, and Sven.
â
You showed off with iced gardens, towers, and even the shape of Sven, but none was more impressive as when you turned around to find Jack on one knee, a gleaming diamond in his hand. It was a picture perfect moment with ice sculptures in the background, celebrated with loved ones.Â
â
And soon, the ice queen would never be without her king. Â
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Why I Fell In Love With Rolan, A Character Analysis
I will be going through Rolan's lines, along with the devnotes, to try and explain my interpretation of his character.
This is coming from having spent 30+ hours combing through his dialogues, reading all of his books, listening to every voice line for context, and replaying every scene of his that's currently accessible.
TW: Mentions of abuse, family death, implied suicide
Very long post under cut. Get the Arabellan Dry out!
A few notes before getting into this:
In the game files, Rolan is referred to as "Prodigy", while Cal and Lia are referred to as "ProdigyBrother" and "ProdigySister".
Rolan is a character whose outer words and inner thoughts often do not align - for most of the game, he refuses to show vulnerability in front of Tav, reserving his softness for his siblings. This can be interpreted in a number of ways, ranging from a self-confidence issue to an avoidant attachment style. Though people are free to have their own interpretations, I will mainly be focusing on my own readings of his personality.
I am not a psychologist or a licensed health professional, but I have personal experiences with the mental health disorders I will reference in this post, and I have done a lot of research on the topics involved.
Part 1 - Elturel, and Rolan's past
"Rolan. Just... Rolan."
There isn't much you can tell about Rolan's life except that he's from Elturel and that Cal and Lia are his siblings - after all, he doesn't give you much info in the first place. He doesn't know you, he doesn't trust you. Why would he?
The information you get about his family and his life before BG3 come from minor dialogues, and using Speak With Dead on his corpse. The picture they paint isn't a happy one.
[Player: What's your name?]
[Rolan: Rolan. Just... Rolan.]
[Player: Do you have any family?]
[Rolan: No... family... no one.]
[Player: No family? What about Lia and Cal?]
[Rolan: They are... brother and sister. Cal says... I am family, but...]
Rolan doesn't have a family name. We don't know if Lia and Cal do, but it can be assumed they don't, else he might have taken theirs. The first thing that sticks out to me in this dialogue is that he doesn't consider himself to have a family, even though Cal and Lia say he's part of theirs.
The question is, what could have caused this? If his blood family was simply dead, wouldn't he refer to them as "dead" or "gone"? Instead he says he has "no one" and "no family", perhaps implying that his parents just... abandoned him. Either way, it gives the impression that he has issues with being abandoned, and may project a sense of toughness and arrogance to make up for his insecurity.
And there IS insecurity here - he outright says that Cal and Lia tell him that he's no different from family to them, but deep down, he doesn't seem to be able to accept it. That he can only reveal this information to you after death, having been so guarded in life, is heartbreaking.
As for his life in Elturel, not much is said, but a lot can be inferred from his attitude.
[Cal: Elturel was the last time the three of us talked like this. Let's hope it lasts until Baldur's Gate.]
After leaving Elturel, it appears Rolan, Cal, and Lia didn't have much time to talk. This is from the party scene - a scene where they're drinking, laughing, and joking amongst each other. Clearly the journey hasn't been the easiest for all of them, though one thing we can take from this dialogue is that they've had this friendly, sibling-like relationship for a long time.
From what we know of Elturel and the Descent, things were NOT pretty down in Avernus. Many people died, and after the city was returned to the surface, tieflings were driven out of the city, as we all know. Something important to think about is how exactly this might have gone for the three siblings: how exactly they ended up in the Grove, travelling with the refugees. The context seems to imply that the siblings were travelling on their own, not necessarily considered a part of the group, but this is debatable and not entirely clear.
So what brought them to Baldur's Gate? What finally drove them out of the city? Did they leave before things got worse, or were they driven from their homes with stones and violence? It could really be anything, but the one thing that's clear is that their primary reason for heading to Baldur's Gate is for Rolan to start his apprenticeship with Lorroakan.
We know that Rolan wrote Lorroakan a letter: multiple letters, actually. We're not sure if he wrote to other wizards, but from his dialogue, you can tell that Lorroakan's been someone he's respected for a long time, both for his magical skills and his political beliefs. Though he's never met Lorroakan, you can find a copy of Lorroakan's biography on his desk at Sorcerous Sundries - there's an admiration established early on, and the player is led to believe that Lorroakan is a powerful wizard (though if you bring Gale with you, he comments on Lorroakan's shady reputation, hinting at something darker beneath the surface).
What could have driven Rolan to write so far away, seeking apprenticeship? Was it out of a sense of desperation, wanting to leave the city but needing a way to take care of his siblings? Was it curiosity? A sense that Lorroakan might be his last chance to make something of himself after being denied what he felt like was his rightful destiny? As a tiefling, he must have faced some discrimination for his heritage - I can speak to my own experience here, growing up as a person of color in a majority-white community was genuinely traumatizing to myself and my non-white friends. Not only do we receive open bullying and ostracization for our appearance, there's something even more insidious that often happens to minority populations - neglect. A general disinterest in our accomplishments, a lack of encouragement and attention towards kids that don't fit the norm. If this was something Rolan had to experience, it's no wonder he felt angry and eager to prove himself. He's been neglected his all his life, and he finally has a chance to show everyone who doubted him that he really does have the potential to be a great wizard.
Rolan himself appears to be in his mid- to late- twenties, bringing up the question of what he's been doing his entire life if not magic. It's mentioned that he was able to conjure a flaming cat from when Cal was as young as 8, so depending on the age difference between the siblings, Rolan might have known magic from a very early age. So why, then, is he a mere wizard apprentice at the start of the game? He's surely had a lot of time to learn himself.
[Lia: Try not to get too close, Cal.]
[Rolan: Yes. Remember what happened last time?]
[Cal: I was eight and you magicked up a kitten. How was I supposed to know it was made of fire?]
What could have happened along the way? He might have just not found the time or the opportunity to be able to study, especially as a tiefling without a family or the money to pay for an education. In my interpretation, Rolan carries a lot of unvoiced shame for not having been able to "fulfill his destiny" until now. He projects an outward mask of confidence and arrogance to hide his vulnerability, his insecurities - that his family isn't really his family, and that he isn't really destined for greatness. His natural reaction to vulnerability is anger and denial, which we'll explore more in the later sections.
(It is mentioned in the devnotes, though, that Rolan "has truly worked his ass off to get here". Prodigy is not an ironic title - he's likely had to self-study to the point where Lorroakan felt that he had potential. He has a right to be confident, but it doesn't negate any potential feelings of unworthiness.)
Additional info - Rolan, Cal, and Lia, on top of having known each other since Cal was 8, also share a mother figure, who is deceased. There is no mention of a father. It could be that this was Lia and Cal's actual mother, who took Rolan in, or a number of other possibilities - it could be that ROLAN'S mother took the three in, or that she just happened to be an unrelated woman who adopted three orphans.
[Cal: We should have a little party when we reach the city, like we did for mum.]
[Rolan: That 'little party' lasted from sundown to sunrise. Lia would like that.]
This dialogue can only be accessed if Lia dies but Cal and Rolan live.
So we've set up a few key details about Rolan's personality: his arrogance may harbor hints of insecurity or desperation, he has issues with feeling abandoned or neglected, and he's potentially been denied his chance to learn magic in the past. We will explore these in detail in the next few sections, along with another troubling tendency of his - perfectionism, and the self-blame that comes with it.
Part 2 - The Grove
"I'll not gamble our lives, our futures, for people who are as good as dead."
If you recall his dialogue in the grove, Rolan seems to distance himself from the other refugees, focusing only on the safety of his siblings. Let's unpack this in his own words -
[Rolan: This isn't Elturel and I'm not responsible for every damn tiefling in the world!]
[Rolan: I made no such oath, and I will not be held responsible for these people.]
This is in contrast to Lia, who believes that they should help what she considered to be their 'kin'. Remember that Rolan often refers to the refugees in a detached way, refusing to associate himself with them.
At a first glance, it might seem like Rolan is fixated on his apprenticeship - he wants to get to Baldur's Gate straight away, so he can begin studying under Lorroakan. Lia accuses him of the same, causing Rolan to react with anger.
But if you think about what Rolan's underlying motivations might be, you might have realized something that Cal and Lia most likely recognized too - he's worried for his siblings' safety.
The grove is an open, unprotected area, and they're being menaced by druids on one side, goblins on the other. There's only a few fighters, Rolan, Cal and Lia among them, and none of them are strong enough to take on either group. Even if Rolan feels a sort of kinship with the other tieflings - which I'll expand on in a second - he prioritizes the lives of his siblings over them, and doesn't want them to sacrifice themselves for people he doesn't even know.
Now, the other theory - what if Rolan doesn't identify with the other tieflings, because he's been cast out by them before?
I'm going to inject my personal experience as an immigrant here. Life as an immigrant can be profoundly isolating, especially if you have few relatives in the area. Rolan may have been so attached to Cal and Lia because they took him in when his own people rejected him - for some reason, even other tieflings could have seen him as an "outsider", and refused to help him when his parents abandoned him or died. If you tie in the theory that he was a tiefling born to human parents (which would be taboo), it could have been that they rejected him for not "being tiefling enough". I'm aware that in-universe there's no one unified "culture" of tieflings, but even in groups without a unified culture, there are still small pockets of people with certain internal customs. It could be that Rolan failed to fit in due to his heritage, that he was rejected for his personality, or some other reason, but my interpretation for his refusal to help fellow tieflings is that he never quite felt the same kinship for them that Cal and Lia did. It could also be that he holds resentment towards them for abandoning him - abandonment seems to be a central theme in Rolan's story, and likely contributes to his feelings of inferiority and unworthiness.
(He does seem to know Infernal, though I don't know whether that's a cultural thing or an innate trait to tieflings.)
If the fight is held at the grove, Rolan, Cal, and Lia stand near the back of the cave to protect the children. They can be found arguing with each other on potential battle positions. Afterwards, if the tieflings and all three of the siblings survive, they can be found by the entrance of the cave, where Rolan again behaves arrogantly towards you and claims he could have handled the goblins on his own.
All of this is quite standard for his character and projects the image of an arrogant, selfish person who only seeks to protect himself and the people that matter to him, which is likely what he wants. It also lends some credibility to the interpretation where he was rejected by other refugees - if he felt neutral towards other tieflings, it might have made more sense if he was less derisive towards them. Instead, he consistently detaches himself from his people, drawing clear lines between them, with a hint of bitterness that seems to have a painful origin.
The rest of Act 1 is Rolan acting like his standard self - bratty, arrogant, and dismissive of others. That is how most of us met him, though he won't stay that way for long.
Part 3 - Moonrise
"But what good am I if I can't do this... this one thing?"
(Author's note: "This one thing" is travelling alone through a cursed, necrotic land, breaking into a prison staffed with dozens of trained guards, and personally facing an immortal chosen of the literal god of death. Rolan is a Level 4 wizard.)
As you already know, at the start of Act 2 Rolan is drinking himself to death alone. His brother and sister have been dragged away screaming by the cultists, and he's overwhelmed at the thought of never seeing them again. Naturally, he's quite angry with you, but if you read his lines closely, you can see that you're not the only person he's angry at.
[Rolan: Gods damn it all. I can do nothing right - not a damn thing!] [Devnote: Furious - mainly with himself]
[Player: You're supposed to be at Last Light.]
[Rolan: I'm supposed to be saving Cal and Lia!] [Devnote: Frantic, worried for his siblings]
[Rolan: Instead, I found myself cornered by shadow-fiends and in need of rescue. From you, of all bloody people.] [Devnote: Pissed off and taking it out on the player]
[Player: You were trying to help your family - you're too hard on yourself.]
[Rolan: Or not hard enough.]
[Rolan: I've failed Cal and Lia, again. Be on your way - I'll return to Last Light... I know when I'm outmatched.]
Rolan is someone who feels deeply responsible for the safety of his siblings (this lends credence to the idea that he's the eldest of the three). He may argue and bicker with them, but he could never abandon then, nor could he forgive himself if something were to happen to them. He is clearly carrying an unbearable amount of grief and guilt for allowing his siblings to be captured, but he's so emotionally repressed that he chooses to bury his sorrow under a mound of anger. Being drunk doesn't help - it's mentioned by one of the kids, Ide, that he's been through three bottles of wine by the time the player reaches the Shadow-Cursed Lands.
That much is obvious just from reading his lines, but his angry reaction to the player is, as the devnotes say, a way of taking out his pain and frustration on other people. He might feel guilty about it later, but in the moment, it's the only way he knows how to cope with them. This isn't his only instance of externalizing his self-hatred.
If Cal dies and Lia lives, the player has the option to break up an argument between Lia and Rolan. If they fail to neutralize the situation, Rolan will tell Lia (or Cal, depending on who lives) to get out of his sight permanently.
[Rolan: You deserve nothing. You two are cowardly parasites, and I am disgusted it took me this long to see. Get out of my sight.] [Devnote: Furious in his grief, lashing out, being as hurtful as he can to his surviving sibling]
[Lia: Fuck you, Rolan!]
-
[Lia: Insufferable, arrogant little prick. Argh.]
[Lia: Everything is about him, everything is about his pain. Godsdamnit, Rolan!]
It says a lot to me that if one of his siblings dies, that he has to be convinced out of lashing out at his surviving one. He seems to be like a person who deals with strong emotions by lashing out, likely as a defense mechanism to make himself appear stronger than he feels. This is a common technique used by people with self-esteem issues - to avoid drawing attention to their own vulnerability, they lash out and externalize their feelings with anger to bury the grief. Lia says as much in this ending - to Rolan, everything is about his pain, and he's managing it in the only way he knows how. He knows he's hurting his siblings, he knows it's wrong, but he engages in it anyway, a common trait of people who dislike themselves. If Rolan didn't have his apprenticeship, it wouldn't be a stretch to say that the death of his siblings might have caused him to spiral and give up on life altogether.
Interestingly enough, in the end where both Rolan and one of his siblings die, it's implied that the remaining sibling commits suicide. You can read more about it here - it gives some insight into Rolan's motivations, and serves to emphasize exactly how much this apprenticeship means to him. Rolan lives for two things, though it really just is one thing - his siblings, and his apprenticeship, which means more to him because it represents a hopeful future for his siblings. Every clue in the game points to his siblings being everything to him.
But let's move away from this bad ending for one second, and back to where we are. Rolan's been drinking himself silly, yelling at children, and eventually storms out into the SCL by himself. Being an apprentice wizard, few expect him to survive on his own, and true to form, he has to be rescued by the player again.
Though I think this line is currently bugged and unavailable, he actually has lines reacting to the shadows.
[Rolan: My magic is not to be trifled with - leave or die!] [Devnote: Exhausted and scared, but trying not to sound it]
Rolan, emotionally repressed fool he is, is once again attempting to appear big in order to protect himself from what he fears. Whether it's the shadows, or the loss of his siblings, he reacts to stressful situations with a brave front, attempting to push people away so they won't see him at his worst state.
This is one of the common symptoms of an avoidant attachment disorder - an attachment style that causes people to push others away if they get too close, avoiding emotional closeness and being uncomfortable expressing vulnerability to others. I interpret Rolan as having this kind of attachment style, which is often formed from neglect or abuse as a child, resulting in a self-sufficient but emotionally cold person. It can lead to the breakdowns of close relationships, as evidenced by Rolan pushing away his surviving sibling (potentially in order to save himself the grief of having to go through their death again). People with this disorder often cut off people before they can be cut off, in order to save themselves the pain of being abandoned again.
Some recognize the negative impact of their behaviors more than most, and though Rolan never comments on it, it can be inferred that he feels some measure of guilt for the way he behaves. If convinced to lay off of his surviving sibling, he immediately apologizes, recognizing his mistake.
[Cal: Do you wish it was me who died? Instead of Lia?]
[Rolan: Gods no, that's not what I meant. Never, Cal. Never!] [Devnote: Realizes what he's just said. Backtracking, apologizing, sincere]
[Rolan: Shit. I'm sorry.] [Devnote: Disgusted with himself and what he's just said. Looking away, sincere apology]
[Cal: Me too.]
We can see here that Rolan IS capable of self-reflection and guilt - it just takes more than a nudge to get it out of him. He says as much if you manage to rescue both siblings, thanking you and apologizing for his behavior - not an empty apology, or made out of necessity, but a genuine, heartfelt admission of guilt and gratitude. This kind of mature response from him says a lot about his character, and hints at a capacity for further growth in Act 3.
As Cal says, Rolan can be stubborn, but he's never malicious. I see this as an indicator of the immense guilt he holds inside him - though he externalizes his rage towards anyone and everyone, deep down, the person he blames the most is himself.
Which leads me directly into a talk about perfectionism, one of Rolan's defining character traits.
Rolan, at his core, is a perfectionist. The feelings of failure for not being able to save his siblings, the arrogance that belies a certain type of self-hatred, and a willingness to attack others in order to deflect from his own vulnerability - all of these traits tie heavily into perfectionism, which Rolan consistently displays traits of. At the start of the game, he spends every line with the player bragging about how he and Lorroakan are going to become household names, how they will boast of this meeting to others. To an extent, I'm sure he believes it. He's just been invited to what he considers to be a prestigious apprenticeship, despite everyone having considered him a failure. Naturally, he's excited despite the trauma of Elturel and Avernus, and wants to get to Lorroakan immediately in order to fulfill his destiny (he refers to it as his destiny several times throughout the game).
This makes what happens next all the more tragic.
Part 4 - Baldur's Gate, Lorroakan, and ending the Cycle of Abuse
Picture this - you've been rejected, abandoned, considered a lost cause for most of your life, accepted only by the siblings you just barely avoided losing forever. But the journey was worth it. You're finally here, in the city you've dreamed of, studying under who in your opinion is one of the most powerful and respected wizards in the world.
Then you get there, and you don't learn a thing. Your teacher asks you nonsensical questions and beats you as a punishment when you're wrong. It's unsurprising that when the player enters Sorcerous Sundries, that Rolan seems a bit more dejected than usual.
Much has been said about the depiction of abuse in media, but as a survivor of domestic violence, I found Rolan's reaction and justification of his abuse very accurate for someone suffering from DV. True to his personality, the very first thing he does is deny that anything's wrong, continuing his trend of burying his emotions in the hope that they'll go away.
[Player: I know the marks of subjugation. Your face - what happened?]
[Rolan: Nothing for you to worry about.] [Devnote: Master Lorroakan hurt him, but he doesn't want to say]
[Narrator: *His voice catches. Something's wrong here.*]
Survivors of DV often feel great shame towards their abuse, often blaming themselves and refusing to speak about it out of fear of appearing vulnerable. True to that, Rolan doesn't say anything about what Lorroakan's doing it, resorting to another common tactic for abuse survivors - implying what's happening without directly stating that the abuse is occurring. This is often out of fear, especially if the victim is still close to the abuser - in this case, Rolan not wanting to jeopardize his apprenticeship, or possibly be abused further for disclosing it to someone else.
[Rolan: Be very sure before you make to visit Lorroakan. He's got a beastly temper.] [Devnote: Sounds a bit disappointed in the player]
[Rolan: Master Lorroakan is... a difficult man.] [Devnote: Gently touches bruised face, distant]
Abuse survivors often hold a great deal of guilt for 'allowing' themselves to be abused, more so if the abuser considers them weak or easy to manipulate. There's often a stigma - "why didn't you just leave? You knew it was bad, yet you stayed, so there must be some blame on your part." This is not an uncommon belief amongst survivors, and through his journal entries, it can be inferred that Rolan holds a similar belief. Rolan's journal, and his VA's fantastic reading of it, can be found here. Rolan is clearly aware that what's being done to him is wrong, but he persists - in my opinion, partially because he believes it's worth the benefits involved, and partially because he feels a responsibility towards his siblings to succeed after 'failing' them so tragically before. Again, perfectionism, guilt, internalized self-hatred: easy traits for a horrible man like Lorroakan to take advantage of.
There are a few possible endings for Rolan here, the first being if you side against the Nightsong with Lorroakan.
The thing about abuse, as Larian so excellently portrays it, is that it is often perpetuated in cycles. A person who's been hurt is more likely to hurt others, whether as a response to their pain, or in an attempt to spread their misery in order to feel less alone. Though not all survivors become perpetrators themselves, many perpetrators are survivors themselves. Rolan is no different - if Nightsong is captured, and Lorroakan is killed in the fight, he will immediately attempt to cage the Nightsong himself and harness her immortality. This could easily be seen as an attempt to get strong enough that no one can ever hurt or take advantage of him again.
When the player next long rests, Rolan will be found dead, having been killed by Aylin - perhaps a mercy, to avoid him from becoming just the same as Lorroakan.
But the player who cares for Rolan wouldn't let this happen to him, right?
Rolan's attitude towards the player gradually changes over time, but nothing shows his growth more than his good ending, where you save Cal and Lia and side with the Nightsong. When you bring Nightsong to the tower, Rolan will be shocked, in disbelief that the Nightsong was a person all along. He turns against Lorroakan on the spot despite the other man's threats to ruin his life (a common tactic employed by abusers to control their victims).
[Lorroakan: Boy! At the ready. Once I've taken control of the aasimar, she must go directly into the caging runes.]
[Rolan: No, Master Lorroakan. I would have never assisted you if I knew you planned such horrors.]
[Rolan: You lied to get the Nightsong here. Made us all believe she was nothing but a relic. I have seen what true leadership can accomplish - but never under your tutelage.]
[Lorroakan: Watch your tongue, you child! I could make it so that no wizard in the realm will touch you.]
[Rolan: If they're all like you, I think that sounds like an excellent bargain.]
It takes an immense amount of courage to stand up to one's abuser, so to see Rolan so bravely stand against the man who hurt him was a positive surprise to me. It also shows just how much the player has changed Rolan for the better - your leadership and selflessness has inspired him, given him the bravery to stand against his abuser. It's a powerful scene, and I admit that watching it brought a tear to my eye, brief as it was. Few people get the chance to take revenge on their abusers, so it was cathartic to see Rolan thunderwaving him onto the balcony before letting Aylin snap his spine.
After the fight, Rolan thanks the player, finally feeling safe enough after his abuser's death to reveal what happened to him. Though it's implied that he feels some shame for being victimized, much of it is likely from the shock of the sudden event, and by the next day he's regained much of his enthusiasm - he still has the ego, but with less arrogance and more acceptance of the player's presence. Rolan's growth, from hating and mistrusting the player to eventually trusting them enough to show his true, kind self to them, is what really made me fall in love with him and his character arc.
Ultimately, Rolan's story isn't just about learning to lay down your pride and accept help from others - it's about abandoning perfectionism and elitism, accepting your own faults, and choosing to grow as a person. For Rolan, the player begins as an annoying, meddlesome force, someone who "moralizes" to him about saving others when he wants no part in doing what's considered "right". By the end of the game, he realizes just how lucky he is to have you in his life - without the player's influence, he could have easily gone down the worst path, the path of narcissism, ego, and disregard for others. But because of a string of coincidences, he was saved from that fate, and was allowed to grow and accept that there's enough room in his heart for more than just the few people that care about him. He learns to lay down the perfectionism, accept that making mistakes is a part of change, and feel his feelings for what they are - whether they're gratitude, fear, or even sadness.
For someone who struggles with avoidant attachment disorder, seeing Rolan's character change throughout the game greatly inspired me to change the way I was approaching my own relationships with people. Avoidant attachment disorder is not talked about very often, both in the medical field and in everyday life, and people suffering from it are often misunderstood or considered to be 'lost causes' - to see Rolan so capable of change inspired me to change myself, and I'm sure I wasn't the only one who felt this way.
When he takes over Ramazith's Tower, Rolan decides to distribute Lorroakan's knowledge to the world, and tells you about his plans to open a library. This is the most obvious sign that he's changed - the player's willingness to help him despite getting little or nothing in exchange has inspired him, and he becomes a kinder, more open person. He learns to trust again, to love again. It's unclear what happens afterwards, as he's not present in the epilogue, but the heartwarming conclusion to his arc can be seen in the issue of the Baldur's Mouth Gazette after Lorroakan's death -
Despite everything, Rolan makes it to the end, having vanquished the trials in front of him with the help of the player. He gets his tower, his knowledge, and shares it with the realms, finally able to realize that he's worthy and deserving of a happy life.
-
Thank you to Larian for bringing Rolan's story to life, to Mr. Taylor for his excellent portrayal of this character, and to all the Rolan fans for showing him so much love every single day.
I have met so many amazing and talented friends from the community around this character, and I'll forever be grateful for everyone who showed him the love I feel towards him.
I can be found on twitter at @gimblebock.
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Booksmart | Steve Harrington
Summary: Steve Harringtonâs head may be full of air, but his heart is full of love. [4.4k]
Fluff, comfort, slight angst, insecure Steve
âĄ
Steve Harrington isnât a genius. He barely passed his classes in high school, couldnât get into college, and can barely keep his minimum wage job. Heâs been belittled by his parents too many times to care about their opinion and he knows compared to his friends he isnât as clever or witty, but heâs okay with it - at least he thinks he is. It might sting when Robin and Eddie tease him for being too slow or when Dustin sighs in frustration because he canât keep up, but the ache dissipates when they look at him in adoration.Â
He blames his failing love life on his lack of intelligence. Although girls find his himbo-ness endearing, his relationships never last long. Â Most of the dates he goes on end up as dirty hookups in the backseat of his car and on the off chance a girl stays longer than a month he can slowly see the irritation replace the endearment in her eyes. He was just something to do during the inbetween phase of graduation and moving out of Hawkins, a trophy to conquer - to finally have slept with the previously known King. He used to be okay with that at the beginning, he got his needs met while girls crossed him off their list, but over time he craved more. He saw how Nancy looked at Jonathan, how Joyce laughed with Hopper, and how Robin blushed around Vickie. He was desperate for that feeling of being wanted and loved.Â
Even though he's surrounded by people who love and accept him as he is, he can't help but wonder if things wouldâve been different if he was just a little smarter.Â
_
âRobin Iâm telling you she started speaking a different language halfway through dinner,â Steve grumbles as heâs shelving the horror section.Â
Robin rolls her eyes at him, âJust because you donât understand the words sheâs using doesnât mean she was speaking a different language, Steven. I donât even think she knows anything but English.Â
Steve sighs under his breath.Â
He had gone on another date last night, but didnât even make it past the appetizers before he made up an emergency and left. The night started off great, the Indiana summer evening had a cool breeze, he opened the door for her, and was rewarded with a kiss on his cheek when he presented her with flowers. Valerie had been nice, beautiful, and smart - maybe a little too smart for Steve. Donât get him wrong, Steve loves strong, smart, and capable women. He loved hearing Valerie speak about physics and graphing linear equations, he loved learning about what interested her, but as the night went on he could see the light in her eyes fading as he kept asking her questions. The final straw had been when he told her he hasnât read a book since high school and she laughed lightly before saying âyou really are only a pretty face.âÂ
âMaybe, Iâm just destined to be alone, or like a back up plan for girls who come back to Hawkins after giving up on their big city dreams.â
Robin sighs and gives him a reassuring pat, âSteve, youâre a good man. Youâll find your one, trust me on this.â
Before he can say more the bell jingles as a gust of hot air is let in. Steve groans as he spots Dustinâs mop of curly hair and hears the chatter of 6 other teens. He holds the door open with his arm as he sees Lucas struggling with Maxâs wheelchair.Â
âYou guys canât keep coming in here, Robin and I actually have work to do you know.â
âWe wanted to pick a movie for movie night,â Max says.Â
He sighs softly as he meets her eyes. Steveâs always had a soft spot for Max ever since theyâve met and itâs only gotten softer since then, everyone knows this, but the kids tend to take advantage of this and use Max to get their way.Â
âAlright two movies max and no rated r ones.â
As he hears the bell jingle again he starts his greeting in a monotone voice, âWelcome to Family Video, my name is Stââ he chokes.Â
âOh my god, are you okay?â you ask softly.Â
Heâs still coughing and panting slightly as he tries to give you a reassuring nod. Robin makes her way to the front to hand Steve some water and finish introductions.Â
âWhat he means to say is his name is Steve and Iâm Robin. You can come get us if you have any questions.â
You nod politely, finally tearing your gaze away from Steve as you start browsing through the racks. Steve, however, canât seem to stop looking at you. Heâs seen a lot of beautiful women in his life, but none of them held a candle to you. Everything about you was just perfect to him and he didnât even know you yet. His eyes repeatedly traced the slope of your nose, down to your plush lips, and back to your furrowed eyebrows as you read the back of a tape.Â
You lift your head up and he blushes as you make eye contact.Â
âDo you have any recommendations for sci-fi, I just moved to town and need something to keep me from getting bored?â you ask shyly.Â
âErr- We have a sci-fi section over thereâ Steve points to the rack behind him where the kids are gathered and quietly arguing over which movie to pick.Â
You speak as you make your way over, âYeah, but do you have any recommendations for me? I feel like Iâve seen all the good ones already.â
Steve's face falls as he tries to come up with an answer.Â
âHave you seen Star Wars?â Dustin speaks up
Max and El groan loudly as you shake your head.Â
âI tend to stay away from franchises, but whatâs it about?â
Before Dustin can answer, Mike beats him to it, âItâs about galactic adventures of these characters, itâs pretty cool.â
âWe were planning on watching it tonight, we always have movie nights at Steveâs on Friday. You should join us!â Dustin exclaims as he tries to shoot Steve a sly wink.Â
Your eyes grow wide at the sudden invitation as Steve rests his head in his hands too embarrassed to speak.Â
âIs that alright with you, Steve?â You ask kindly.Â
Steveâs breath hitches as he hears you say his name, he slowly meets your gaze as he gives you a slight nod trying to avoid choking on air again.
Robin smirks at Steve as she hands you a post-it, âHereâs Steveâs address. Movie starts at 7 and bring as many snacks as youâd like!â
You grab the post-it and shoot everyone a small wave âIâll see you guys then!â
Steve feels like he can finally breathe after he hears the soft slam of the door behind you.Â
_
âI canât believe you would do that, just invite a stranger to my home like that,â Steve groans as he fixes his hair, again, in the hallway mirror. He glances down at his polo debating if he should change his shirt for the fourth time.Â
âSteve, she agreed to come while seeing you in a Family Video vest, I donât think your outfit is what you should be worried about,â Jonathan teases him as he passes him a coke.Â
Steve shoots him a sarcastic smile before checking his watch. Itâs 7:02, you shouldâve shown up 2 minutes ago and heâs a nervous wreck. He sees your headlights before anyone else does and trips over Willâs backpack as he waits to open the door on the very first knock.Â
âSorry Iâm late, the petit fours took longer than expected.â You smile at him holding out a large container filled with small cakes.Â
He gives you a confused look too embarrassed to ask what petit fours are, so instead he takes the container and waves you in.Â
âWhat brings you to Hawkins?â Eddie asks.
âI actually came here for work, Hawkins laboratory needed another scientist to look at all the crazy stuff thatâs happened here.â
Everyone basks in the uncomfortable silence as you mention the lab before Nancy speaks up, âYou work as a scientist? You seem pretty young.â
You hesitate slightly, folding your hands in your lap, âI am young, but I graduated college at 16 and recently got my PhD and my advisor recommended me for this job, so here I am.â
Steveâs heart falls to his stomach, you were a genius, a child prodigy of some sort and youâve accomplished so much at such a young age. There was no way you would even be slightly interested in him, but part of him was willing to take that risk - be okay with whatever you spared him because it was better than not having you in his life at all.Â
The movie is ignored as everyone pays more attention to you and your genius-ness. He hears voices all at once but all he can focus on is yours. The way your laugh ends in a higher pitch than it starts in, the way you softly reassure Nancy that college isnât hard, but his favorite is when you say his name when you ask for his opinion on the theories the kids present to you. It makes him feel important like you care about what he has to say and you value his thoughts just as much as you would anyone elseâs.Â
Steve mightâve only met you today, but he was already enamored. You mightâve knowingly opened the door only to Family Video, but you also unknowingly opened the door to his heart and started to fill every corner of it with you.Â
_
Steve doesnât think heâs read this much in his entire existence as he has this month.
The first thing he did the morning after movie night was go to the library and check out as many books as he could about everything that sounded smart. Heâs inhaled almost every book on poetry (specifically Shakespeare), astrophysics and European history. Youâve come to every movie night since the first one and you try your best to visit Family Video after work just to chat with Steve and Robin. He was slowly falling in love with you and he wasnât going to let his dumb brain be the reason he lost you. He forcefully read every book from cover to cover, prying his eyes open with the memory of your impressed smile anytime he fell asleep. Heâs made countless flashcards and pesters Robin to quiz them during their shift.Â
After two months of revising and memorizing he thinks he finally finds the courage to ask you out. Youâre the last one to leave tonight, helping Steve clean up after everyone either left or claimed a spare room.Â
Steveâs hands are clammy as he ties the trash bag into a pretty bow, âI was wondering if⊠I mean you donât have to⊠but umm, like if you wanted to go out. With me, I mean.â
Your eyes trace his face as you clench the empty red vines wrapper, âYou mean like a date?â
Steve nods, unsure of your reaction. Part of him hopes youâll say no and put him out of his misery, so he can finally stop learning, but a bigger part of him hopes youâll give him a chance.Â
Your lips upturn in a shy smile as you fiddle your thumbs, âYeah, Iâd like that a lot. What did you have in mind?â
âHow about next Friday, we ditch the losers and have our movie night? Iâll pick you up at 7 and we can catch a movie?â
You respond with a quick kiss on his cheek as you grab your purse and head out. Steve rests his head on the back of the door as he pumps his fist in the air and tries his hardest to not wake Robin and Eddie with his cheering.Â
_
Youâre nervous as you pace in front of your door. Steve makes you nervous, but you donât hate the feeling. Youâve never felt this way about a boy before, boys always had a competition with you, a majority of your dates ended up with the two of you trying to up each other with accomplishments, but with Steve everything is different. Even though the facts he tells are wrong, it was still endearing to watch him try.Â
Youâre broken out of your thoughts with a knock on your door. You smooth down your dress and look in the mirror once more before swinging the door open. Steve stands there in all his glory, hair perfectly done, snug jeans, and a bouquet of flowers covering his stupidly handsome face.Â
âThese are for you,â he pushes the bouquet towards you with a surprise force that you have to step back to avoid them pressing into your nose.Â
âThanks Steve, theyâre beautiful.â You set them down gently at the nearby table mentally making a note to find a vase after you come back home.Â
He opens his car door for you, waiting until youâre settled in before jogging back to his side. âThereâs a French movie playing tonight, I think itâs about Marie - Annette, you know the queen who liked cake?âÂ
You giggle quietly but opt to ignore his mistake because he just looked too fucking cute with furrowed eyebrows and a nervous smile.Â
âAnd after the movie I was thinking we can stop by somewhere for a late night snack?â
You nod excitedly eager to finally spend time with him far away from the eyes of your prying friends, âI didnât know you knew French?â
âUh, yeah.â
The movie was⊠boring and bland. Steve didnât understand anything happening so instead spent the entire time admiring you, the furrow of your eyebrows, the tilt of your head, and the gentle bite of your lip. He remembered you mentioning to Robin that you were fluent in French, so thought a foreign film would be a good idea for a first date, but now he regrets his choice especially since you spent the drive to the diner asking him questions about the movie. Questions he didnât know the answer to. Steve has charmed his way through life, but he wasnât sure how much longer his charm would last with you, he had an inkling that sooner or later you would be able to see through his facade and you would see him as a disappointment.
_
You had a hunch that Steve was lying about knowing French and your hunch was confirmed when his shoulders tensed as the ticket guy told him the movie didnât have English subtitles. He played it off with a laugh and a wave of his hand, but you could tell it made him nervous. You thought the movie was alright, but your favorite part was feeling Steveâs eyes on you. You try to be mindful when asking him questions, keeping them vague and more about opinions rather than asking him questions that have a right or wrong answer. He responds as vaguely as possible, gauging your reaction to see if youâre pleased with his answer or if he needs to backtrack and fix his opinion.Â
Your conversation at the diner starts to get more personal as you ask each other about your likes and dislikes. You learn that Steve broke his arm learning to ride a bike, his favorite color is green, and heâs always wanted a dog. Everything you learn about Steve just makes you like him even more and the potential of falling in love with him makes you giddy with happiness. Your hands brush occasionally as you walk back to his car. He bites his lip hesitating to grab your hand as he peeks at you from the corner of his eye. You make the decision for the both of you and take a hold of his hand swinging both your arms as he blushes.Â
âYouâre really cute Steve Harrington,â you say as you force him to face you before gently pushing your lips to his.Â
_
You spend every free time you have with Steve now. Itâs been a month since your first date and since then youâve gone out plenty of times and if youâre not physically together then youâre talking for hours on the phone. Steveâs able to open up to you more than he has to anyone else and itâs only been a few months of knowing you but he knows heâs in love, yet he canât ask you to be his girlfriend. He does everything a boyfriend should do, calling you during breaks, kissing your bad days away, and hugging you just right when youâre on the verge of tears, but he still canât find the courage to ask you to be his, officially.Â
You express your concern to Nancy and Robin at an impromptu girls night, thrown together after a rough week for all of you.Â
âI just donât know why he wonât ask me, I always want to ask him myself before I see him, but then I lose my nerve. Maybe he doesnât even like me like that and Iâm just reading into things,â you whine as you smear a homemade face mask on Robin's face.Â
âTrust me, Steve is a goner for you,â Nancy replies as she squints to make sure her brushes on the nail polish perfectly.Â
âNance is right, Steve is in love with you, but you just make him nervous.â
âI donât understand why though, how do I make him nervous when heâs Steve Harrington,â you sigh dreamily.Â
Nancy and Robin giggle as they see the childish frown on your face. You push your face into a pillow whining into it like a petulant child.Â
Nancy rubs your back gently, âLook itâs not my place to say, but Steve isnât the smartest tool academically. And youâre this child prodigy and that makes him nervous.â
Robin nods in agreement, âYeah, you do know he spent months reading all sorts of books just to impress you right? He isnât actually as smart as he pretends to be. He just memorizes a bunch of stuff the days leading up to your date.â
You huff in annoyance, âYeah, I knew that on our first date when he took me to that French film. But I donât love him because he can tell me facts about the mesozoic era. I love him because heâs him.â
Nancy and Robin share a knowing look.
âYou love him?â Robin whispers.
âWhat?â
âYou just said you love him,â Nancy clarifies.
You breathe in deeply before letting it out, the weight of what you said finally sinking in. âYeah, I do. I really do.â
Both girls squeal as they pull you into a hug, face masks and nail polish quickly forgotten.Â
You fall asleep that night knowing the next time you see Steve youâll tell him. Tell him how much you love him and how he means to you.
_
Unfortunately for you and Steve, you arenât able to spend any time alone lately. Work is crazy for the both of you and any time you have off itâs spent with the group. While you love spending time with your friends, youâre dying for a second alone with Steve. A second that only you both can cherish when you finally tell him how you feel.Â
Youâre hoping you can finally catch a moment alone with Steve at the summer bonfire by Loverâs Lake. Almost every young adult in Hawkins comes out of hiding for this annual bonfire, usually thrown by college kids as a final hurrah before summer break is officially over. You hung out with Nancy and Robin for a while and meet some new people, but youâre arenât able to find the one person you want to see. You finally spot him parking his car and hurriedly shoving his family video vest in the trunk, but before you call out to him youâre blocked by a freckled boy wearing a smug smile.Â
âWell if it isnât the new genius of Hawkins,â the boy teases, voice filled with malice.
You smile politely, âIâm sorry youâreââ
âIâm Hagan. Tommy Hagan, surprised Steve hasnât mentioned me considering we used to be the best of friends before he became a loser.â
Youâve heard about Tommy, mostly through passing from Nancy and Jonathan and based on Steveâs disgruntled face every time his name was mentioned, you decided Tommy Hagan wasnât worth your time.Â
âHow can I help you?â You ask in a monotone voice to show how disinterested you are.Â
Before Tommy can start you feel a pair of arms wrap around your waist and lips brush against the side of your head. You turn to see Steveâs grimace at Tommy before his eyes soften landing on you.Â
âHi hon,â he whispers gently, his left arm moving from caressing your hip to soothing the ache in your shoulder.Â
âHey baby.â For a second itâs just the two of you lost in each otherâs eyes, you wonder if everyone else can see how lovesick you are for Steve. Before you can whisk him away for yourself Tommy interrupts again.
âDamn, Harrington. Didnât think Iâd see you go all soft again after what Wheeler did to you.â
You rolled your eyes at the mention of Nancy. Itâs been years, both Steve and Nancy were over it, being happy for each other and supporting each other as friends. Yet everyone still brought it up because they had no other dirt on Steve.Â
âDidnât know you were home for the summer Tommy,â Steve replies ready to end the conversation with his former friend.Â
At this point you see Jonathan and Eddie glancing from their spot near the fire. Both of them looking at Steve, silently asking him if he needed them. Steve shakes his head at them and squeezes your shoulder readying to lead you away.Â
âYeah, summer is the only time I have off now. Between college and my internship. Itâs hard out there man, but you wouldnât know that, would you?â Tommy smirks knowingly as he pushes Steveâs buttons. He knows college has always been a sore spot for Steve especially since he was still stuck working at Family Video.Â
Steve grunts in response hoping his disinterest is enough to stray Tommy away from the both of you, but with Steveâs luck Tommy turns his attention to you.Â
âSurprised he can keep up with a genius like you sweetheart.â
You wrinkled your nose in disgust, the term of endearment turning sour coming from a mouth other than Steveâs.
Tommy continues to go on, swaying from the few too many drinks heâs had. âDid he tell you he barely passed high school? His dad complained to mine about how much of a disappointment he turned out to be. Canât even get a job at his dadâs firm with the brain he has.â
Steve loosens his grip around your shoulder, cheeks flushing in embarrassment.Â
âYouâre telling me your girl hasnât caught on to the kind of screw up you are Harrington? You sure sheâs a genius, or maybe you found someone that aligns with your IQ.â
At this point everyone is watching the words fly out of Tommyâs mouth, some snickering others shooting Steve looks of pity. Tommy Hagan is ripping him to shreds in front of everyone and yet all he can focus on is you. A look of disappointment mixed with frustration glazing over your otherwise sweet disposition. He sees his friends pushing their way through the crowd but before they could defend him he hears your honey like voice calling out for Tommy.Â
âWhat university did you say you go to, Tommy?â you ask sweetly.
âIndiana University of Business,â he smirks behind his beer.
âAnd Iâm assuming your daddy paid for it? Cause you sure as hell didnât get into school by your merit, considering you spent most of high school with your head so far up peopleâs asses that you couldnât get enough oxygen to your brain. Hence, why you and your stupid ass are still playing into high school politics at your grown ass age.â
The smugness on Tommyâs face disappears.Â
âAnd what do you want to do with your future Tommy? Join daddyâs business? Turn out exactly like him? Cause last I heard he spends more time with his new family than he does with you. Maybe he finally got a child he actually loves.â
You knew it was a low blow, bringing up Tommyâs family issues, but you couldnât care less. After everything he said to Steve, he had it coming and you only wish you were around in high school so you couldâve put him in his place earlier.Â
You heard a low whistle from Eddie, âWell guess the shows over folks. And looks like we have a clear winner.â
People start clearing out going back to mind their own business and you grab Steveâs arm leading him far away from Tommyâs frozen stance.Â
âGuess the secretâs out,â Steve mumbles.
âHuh?â
âNow you know Iâm not really smart, so..â he trails off.
You smile, arms twisting around his waist pulling him close. âYou know, Iâve met a lot of smart people in my life, but don't you dare, even for a second take Tommyâs words to heart. Because I know you, and I know that youâre the greatest person Iâve ever met.â
Steve pinches your chin, holding your gaze before whispering out a shy âyeah?âÂ
You hear the insecurity laced in his voice as you nod fervently. âI kinda figured you werenât as smart as you let on from our first date, but I said yes because even though you arenât a brainiac you have a heart of gold. I see the way you take care of the kids, how you take care of your friends. And I love how you take care of me. I love you and everything about you, Steve Harrington.â
Steve blushes, his cheeks turn a rosy hue as he grabs your waist pressing his lips to yours in a kiss so sweet you think youâll get a toothache.Â
âYou really love me?â
âI really do.â
Steve presses another kiss before murmuring out an I love you against your lips.
Yeah, Steve Harrington is stupid. Stupidly in love with you.Â
#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x afab!reader#steve harrington fic#steve harrington fanfic#steve harrington#st4 spoilers#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington smut#stranger things#stranger things spoilers#steve harrington x reader fluff#steve harrington x reader smut#steve harrington fanfiction#steve harrington angst#steve harrington comfort#steve harrington drabble#steve harrington fic recs#steve harrington fluff#steve harrington headcanon#steve harrington imagines#steve harrington blurb#steve harrington masterlist#steve harrington one shot#steve harrington recs#steve harrington series#steve harrington thoughts#simon-writes#simon-writes-steve#sh
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I love your greek mythology work! Do you have a headcanon for hermes please?
''You run as much as you want but I will always catch you.'' â Hermes.
â â â lady l: thank you very much, anon! Here are Hermes' hcs, I don't know why it took so long to do it but I finally wrote it and I hope you like it! Forgive me for any mistakes and good reading! â€ïž
âtw: obsessive behavior, manipulation, stalking, mention of death, Reader is put in a dangerous situation on purpose, toxic relationships.
ââpairing: yandere!hermes x gender neutral!reader.
Hermes is a very playful and calm god in his obsession. He is not demanding and will not demand that you love him, he does not need your love. All he wants is for you to stay with him and let him adore you completely. Hermes doesn't really care about trying to control you, he prefers to let you roam free for his own interests. Just because he knows you will be his at the end of the day.
He is known for his carefree nature and his ability to adapt to different situations. He values freedom and autonomy, both for himself and others. That's why Hermes won't try to restrict you or force you to stay with him. He wants you to choose him willingly and he knows you will.
Hermes would value your freedom, but at the same time he would subtly manipulate circumstances to ensure that you were always close to him. He would use his ability to travel quickly to appear in the most unexpected places, always keeping a close eye on his darling. You could never escape the god's gaze.
There is no one for you but him, Hermes knows that. He is a god, after all, and he knows you will be his. There's no way you can't be, everything is calculatedly planned so that he gets you in the end. And you will accept everything because it is your place next to him.
Hermes is a stalker, however. He likes to chase and will always be wherever you are, just in disguise. You will never notice the eyes of the god of messengers upon you, shining with what appears to be hidden amusement. The god could use his ability to travel quickly to monitor and control his darling, and his communication skills to maintain constant contact, sometimes in an intimidating manner.
He would not be the controlling type in the traditional sense of a god, but rather a constant observer, always present in your surroundings, discreetly accompanying you in all your activities. His ability to adapt to different situations would make him a master at hiding his true intentions, while maintaining a façade of lightness and friendliness.
Hermes would not necessarily be aggressive, but his constant presence and obsessive desire for his beloved could create an atmosphere of discomfort and insecurity. He could use his communication skills to maintain constant contact, sending messages and gifts in a seemingly innocent manner but with an underlying aura of intimidation.
His gifts and gifts may seem harmless at first, but Hermes wants to make it clear that he will not tolerate being ignored or left in the background. Expensive and magnificent gifts can become body parts of people close to you. He doesn't want to scare you, but he has limited patience.
He's not exactly possessive or jealous because Hermes knows he's the only one for you. The god sees no reason to be jealous when he knows you belong to him, but that doesn't mean he doesn't get jealous. Hermes feels jealous in a very subtle way and you will hardly notice it unless you are very observant.
Hermes would be a master of subtle manipulation, never appearing threatening at first glance, but always ingeniously orchestrating circumstances to keep you close to him. He can put you in dangerous and desperate situations so that he can save you, acting as your hero and savior, without you knowing that it was really his fault.
He would use his communication skills to stay in constant contact, flooding you with messages and calls, creating an underlying aura of intimidation. His communication methods can range from playful to threatening, depending on his mood and your response. Hermes may have a controlled temper, but he can become easily angered if he doesn't get what he wants. And he wants you.
Hermes would love to travel with you, he would take you anywhere you wanted, be it the human world or the gods and mythological creatures, he would take you wherever you wanted in the blink of an eye. Seeing your smile when you visit a place he's always wanted to is the best gift he could ask for.
The god is a born stalker and a master at manipulating you in subtle ways, but he is not overwhelming or possessive. All he wants is you, to have you and if you run, he will catch you. You are his in every sense of the word. Hermes will take good care of you, don't worry, once he has you attached to him, he will make sure you are happy and satisfied with life by his side. It's not like you have a choice.
#greek gods x reader#greek gods#greek mythology#yandere greek gods#yandere greek mythology#yandere greek gods x reader#yandere hermes#yandere hermes x reader#hermes x reader#yandere hermes headcanons#headcanons#yandere headcanons#yandere au
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My Love
Aitana Bonmati x Reader
Summary: your Aitanas girlfriend
Warnings: Pure Fluff, maybe bad ending
My Masterlist
please read this text before going to the story
please don't be so strict with me but rather write to me what I can do better or what you wished were different. also tell me if you find the story too long or too short.. Also write to me if you liked it. My requests are always open (and English is not my first language so don't be mad at me) and if you have any ideas for the future about who I should write please tell me⊠the topics I will choose by myself unless you have a request for one or two people I will Read everything.. in the next survey I will take a few ideas from the old survey and new onesâŠ. now read and I hope you like it <33
(its a very short one)
aitana is your girlfriend, she is the most tender and sweetest person you have ever met
You know that she would drop everything if you called her and said you weren't feeling well
It was match day. You've been playing for Betis Sevilla since your childhood. It was the game against FC Barcelona. You already knew that you wouldn't have a chance
You're going to play against your girlfriend. You kept your relationship secret long enough until you went on vacation together during the summer break and decided to post a picture together so that everyone knew you were together. Since then, your team has been annoying you and keeps telling you that you are togheter with the best player
Also today they teased you about playing against Aitana, you haven't seen her in a long time, it was already overdue. You both have been very busy lately and have neglected your relationship a little, so you didn't really like the jokes your teammates made
âCan you please stopâ you said slightly annoyed and pulled your jersey over your head The jokes will probably never stop
"Aww we're a little baby again today" Paula joked and pinched your cheek lightly. You clicked in annoyance and let Noelia braid your hair. It's a little ritual between you to braid each other's hair
You were all excited to play against Barça again. You finished lacing up your shoes and went into the tunnel. You acted as captains and stood right next to Alexia, the captain of Barça. You cracked your neck one last time before the referee announced it was time to line up
You stood there, gave a little applause and shook hands with your opponents. Aitana took your hand firmly in hers and gave you a little wink, which you accepted with a smile
it was kick-off. The game went well, even though you lost 5-1, you were still proud to be part of this team
//
1-0 Barcelona: Claudia Pina 26â
2-0 Barcelona: Mariona Caldentey 44â
2-1 Betis Sevilla: y/n 45â
3-1 Barcelona: Caroline Graham-hansen 75â
4-1 Barcelona: Salma Paralluelo 88â
5-1 Barcelona: Salma Paralluelo 90+1â
//
Even though you lost so much, you were still proud that the times were so far apart
After the game you all gave each other a handshake
Aitana ran up to you and hugged you tightly. "Hey you were great" she beamed at you with a huge smile
âThank you aita you were pretty good tooâ you joked, smelling the sweet smell of her hair once again
"Would you like to come with me? I mean you're in Barcelona and I think your team will be able to do without you for the night or not?" she told you and put her arm around your shoulders to start the way to the cabins
you took a deep breath "okay but only if you cook for me" you raised your hand aitana laughed "sĂ I'll cook whatever you want" she said laughing and let go of you "well I'll wait for you outside my car" She said as she walked past and you nodded at her
You took a shower and told the coaching team that you would stay with Aitana and fly back alone tomorrow
//
About an hour later you were finished. You said goodbye to your team and headed towards the exit. The evening warmth of Barcelona hit your face. You looked for Aitana's car until she drove close to you
"Hola chica necesitas un conductor?"
She asks laughing and you ironically bump into her car. You walked in. It's been a long time since you looked in her car. After a moment she immediately pounced on you and bit lightly into your neck and cheek. You squealed and tried pushing her away laughing "aita aita stop" you say breathless with laughter
"I missed you so much" she tells you and places kisses on your cheek. You took her hands in yours and gave her a long kiss on the mouth
When you let go she looks at you with her sweet gaze. She licks her lips and blushes with embarrassment. You have kissed so many times but after such a long time it is always unique to kiss her again
"I missed you too" you say and smile slightly, everything is the same as before, her light ponytail, the smell of peppermint toothpaste when you kiss her and the gentle rose scent of her shower gel that is distributed in the air
"Do you want to go I'm pretty hungry" she said and rubbed her stomach lightly. She sometimes behaved like a little baby but that's what you loved about her, her funny faces that she sometimes gave you or she tickled you awake in the morning or crawled under your shirt you loved everything about her
"Yes we can go" you say, laughing slightly and giving her one last little kiss. She drove through the gate. On the car ride, you sang your favorite songs. Her hand didn't leave yours for a second
When you arrived at Aitana's house she opened your door and took your hand to escort you out. She carried your suitcase and looked for her key to the door
âYou can take something from me to wear you know where everything isâ she says and gave you a kiss before disappearing into the kitchen
You went into her bedroom and the smell of freshly washed laundry from her laundry basket immediately hit your nose. You did a little tidying up and taught the basket and carefully placed everything in your closet and looked for something to wear yourself You decided on a loose shirt and shorts. You changed your clothes and saw your selfie together in a frame on her dessert. A smile immediately came to your face you loved this woman.
You went into the kitchen and the smell of fresh ham hit your nose. You watched Aitana for a moment until you walked up to her and hugged her tenderly from behind. "Ay baby you're wearing my favorite shirt" she said, laughing slightly and frying a few tortillas in the pan you place your head on her shoulder and place small kisses on her neck
"can you promise me no matter how long we don't see each other or neglect each other that you'll never leave me" You say lovingly and notice how Aitana's stomach falls and rises
"I'll stay with you until you can't stand me anymore and even then I won't let you go you won't get rid of me that easily" she says with a slight smile
you beam across both cheeks "I love you Aita" you whisper in her ear
"I love you too cariño"
#woso fanfics#woso#woso community#fitblr#woso appreciation#woso blurbs#woso imagine#woso one shot#woso soccer#woso smut#aitana bonmati#aitana bonmati x reader
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â NEW DESIRE | MV1
SCENARIO: you and max are childhood friends. despite claiming a platonic relationship - or rather, not claiming a romantic one, fans are certain that thereâs more to what you both have, especially when max openly simps for you on streams, and most definitely when his private account gets leaked.
PAIRING: max verstappen x fem!reader
AN: i am so sorry this has taken me so long to get to! that being said, i hope you still enjoy it! thank you for your patience and your request đ«¶đ» also i did use google translate for the dutch part so if you speak dutch im so sorry LMFAO
as always, a shoutout to @renarots because these fics truly would not be as good without their input. <3
if you saw me change the title, no you didnât
MASTERLIST
YNLN on Instagram stories
grandprixsandgossip on instagram
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grandprixsandgossip for a long time, fans of max verstappen have questioned his relationship with childhood friend yn ln. recently, the formula one driversâ private instagram account posts were leaked after a fan somehow was accepted to follow his private account, which features many pictures of him and yn, dating all the way back to 2014.
you can find the archive of his posts on our website by following the link in our bio. while we werenât able to gather every comment and like, we were able to get a majority of the posts!
what are your thoughts?
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formulaverstappen okay so this is pure he-said-she-said, but apparently on the holidays post, maxâs sister commented âjust friends? đâ and max responded with the đł emoji I AM SICK
rizzciardo anyone who still thinks theyâre just friends is LYING to their self
lnnation haunted by the fact that yn learned dutch for max and she helped him learn english
formulanorriz if he doesnât ask her out at this rate, IM GOING TO
GRANDPRIXSANDGOSSIP.COM
maxemillianv on instagram
maxemillianv goede race, nog betere mensen â€ïž of moet ik zeggen persoon haha (great race, even better people or should i say person haha)
ynln zoveel liefde voor jou. ik ben zo trots op je â€ïžđ (so much love for you. iâm so proud of you. )
maxemillianv on instagram
maxemillianv out of office
maxemillianv on instagram
maxemillianv happy holidays đ
victoriaverstappen just friends? đ
Itâs funny, the way Max is. Heâs blunt all the time, but this is different. A part of you is worried that maybe heâs upset, that perhaps something like this will be the reason you and him stray apart - you canât imagine it. The thought of being anything but with Max matches your chest tighten, and even though youâd like to think that isnât the case, you canât be sure.
The wait for Max to arrive at your house is almost torturous. Your mind is racing, and by the time you hear his car pull up, youâre damn near shaking out of your skin. He doesnât even have to knock or ring the doorbell - hell, heâs barely out of the car when you open your front door and step outside. You study his body language, trying to determine what exactly to expect. You just canât clock it. With a sharp inhale, you lock your door and then make your way towards the car.
âIs everything okay?â you ask, uncertainty making your voice waver. âYes,â Max responds simply. Itâs a genuine yes, and in fact, he sounds almost happy. Your brows furrow in confusion as he opens the passenger side door for you, and you genuinely donât think you could be more puzzled. You press your lips together as he returns to the drivers seat and starts the car again, not waiting to pull out of the driveway.
âMax, youâre scaring me,â you say. Scared isnât the right word, but itâs something along those lines. His eyes stay on the road, yours are fixed on his face, still trying so desperately to read him. He glances at you, offers a small smile, then reaches over to grab your hand. He intertwined your fingers, assuring you that thereâs nothing to worry about. Itâs still odd - the whole situation, but that does make you feel more relaxed.
Itâs quiet for longer than youâd like it to be. Aside from the radio, which is on a low volume, and the smooth rumble of the vehicle, itâs silent.
Finally, Max speaks. âIâm not worried about the posts,â he says, glancing at you for the second time. You find yourself wishing he could look at you for longer, a weird feeling washing over you as his eyes return to the road. He squeezes your hand subconsciously, his thumb soothing over the back of it. âSeriously?â you almost forgot to respond, but at the last minute, you remember his statement. âSeriously,â Max hums. The smile returns to his lips, and much to your relief, he expounds.
âSure, itâs not ideal, but at the same time,â he pauses, and you can tell heâs trying to think of how to describe it. He chuckles briefly, âThe only way to put it is that itâs made me realize that youâre so much more than a good friend.â
Youâre still stumped. Now, youâre realizing that you donât even know where Max is taking you - not that youâre worried about it, but the whole situation is just so strange, especially for you and Max. Thus, you remain silent, eyes never leaving him. Youâre waiting for him to say something else, and heâs waiting for you to respond, assuming that youâd understand what heâs saying. Hes the first to realize that you donât understand, and amused smile playing on his lips at your confusion. âHold on, youâll know what I mean when we get there,â He says, and this is somehow so Max, but not him at all, leaving you to sit silently, at least a million thoughts filling your mind.
Max pulls into a parking lot, and it only takes you a moment to realize you know where you are. Youâve been here with him once before, and you still remember that night so vividly. That was the first - and only - time you had ever questioned your feelings for Max. Any other time, you never had to think about how you felt. You knew you were happy with him, and it was the same for him. You didnât need to know if you loved him, and he didnât need to know if he loved you.
Now that the memories are coming back to your mind, it begins to dawn on you, what Max said. Regardless, you stay quiet and let him guide you into the club, hand still in his. He takes you to the very spot you both sat the first night you came here, and this time, rather than an empty booth and table, thereâs a large bouquet of white roses sitting atop the table, a small note folded beside them. You arenât sure what to say, or what to do. Your eyes flicker between the roses, the note, and Max, who carefully pulls you closer, his free hand now resting on the small of your back.
âIâll give you the choice - you can read the card or I can relay it to you,â he says. You choose what first comes to mind. âRelay it to me.â Max nods, then turns you to face him, his hands on your waist. Instinctively, you place yours on his shoulders. âWill you be my girlfriend?â He asks, and even though youâre certain that his words are the briefest summary of whatâs in the card, you canât be bothered. A smile takes over your expression and you nod. Max smiles too, pulling you into a tight hug.
The rest of the night, you continued on like you would have had he not asked you to be his girlfriend. There was no need for things to be different. In fact, the only thing that would change from here would be the pure admiration you both have always had for one another, and that was perfectly fine with you. Somewhere along the line, a certain friend showed up, and you did eventually read the card.
Safe to say, Maxâs recap of the words written in the card were indeed brief. Your heart is happy knowing that only you would see such a soft, loving side of him, and only you would be able to clearly picture your best friend- boyfriend, all mushy as he writes the card.
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maxverstappen1 my â€ïž
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landonorris okay i guess we donât do photo creds anymore đ
‷ maxverstappen1 đđž
ynln so much love for you always. â€ïž
‷ maxverstappen1 â€ïžđ
‷ formulaverstappen IS THIS HIS WAY OF SAYING THAT BACK TO YN??? THERE ARE REAL TEARS IN MY EYES
victoriaverstappen very âjust friendsâ of you
‷ maxverstappen1 đ
‷ mv331lvr YALL EITHER GET THIS OR YOU DONT IM GOING INSANE
ln4nation THE FACT THAT LANDO TOOK THESE AND WAS THERE WITJ THEM IM GAGGED
papayabull YN AND MAX CONFIRMED DATING THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE
TAGLIST
@renarots @jsjcue @treehouse-mouse @vellicora @spidersophie @arkhammaid @harrysdimple05 @minkyungseokie @leclercvsx @sleepeatread @kortneej81 @elliegrey2803 @i-love-ptv @motorsp0rt @fastcarsandshit @marshmummy @jellyfish123guts @illicitverstappen @lovstappen @sadieurlady @piasstrisblog @pretty-little-bunny382728 @lokietro @stopeatread
Thank you for reading! đ·
#â© . mvÂč files đïž#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen smau#max verstappen fanfic#max verstappen x you#max verstappen x yn#max verstappen x female reader#max verstappen social media au#max verstappen fluff#mv1 fic#mv1 x reader#mv1 imagine#mv1 x y/n#mv1 x you#mv33#mv33 x reader#mv33 imagine#mv33 x you
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Does anyone else have a penchant for m/m romance with main character who have interesting sexualities and submissive streaks a mile wide? Or is that just me?
Alex Rowland has had me eating out of the palm of their metaphorical hand for the past several months because of some of their main characters. Anybody who has known me for really any amount of time and ever heard me talk about my taste in books will know that I have a tendency to find a power dynamic reading in almost any pairing I really like, but Alex made it easy with some of these guys. They make me want to cry in the best ways because it is so beautiful to feel seen.
Running Close to the Wind:
Avra Helvaçi, absolute feral gremlin brat who just wants to be teased and pitied and mocked and for all his friends to be just a little mean to him all the time as long as they think itâs endearing or hot. I relate to this so strongly itâs almost not even funny, but I canât say that because Running Close to the Wind is one of the funniest books Iâve ever read. Avraâs sexuality is âyes please how soon?â except for the rare times when itâs âactually can you please just hold me I am sad and tired.â He has been in an on-again-off-again relationship with his best friend and biggest bully for 15 years, and they understand each other and tolerate each other in ways that no one else on the planet ever could.
A Taste of Gold and Iron:
Evemer HoĆkadem shows us a completely different version of submissive leaning that also calls to my soul. He is dedicated to service, honor, and protocol. He is a core guard of the royal family, and he has been chasing this goal for years because he believes that it is something great and noble. Fealty comes more naturally to him than humor or general affection. He believes in the trappings of power but also in the responsibility of power. Power has the responsibility to care for people, live up to their expectations, and accept the service that is its due. He is seeking, trying to find purpose and trying to find someone worthy of his service and his devotion. Evemer wrecks me because I swear Iâve lived those moments and because Iâll always be a little jealous of characters who get to prove their loyalty by risking grievous bodily harm. His sexuality is âmehâ and âshouldersâ and âcompetency kinkâ. Mood.
When I tell you that I hardly included half the incriminating quotes from the internal monologue of Evemer, I mean it. Read this.
Yield Under Great Persuasion: (under a read more because this book came out a month ago)
Tam Beckett, in Alexâs newest book, definitely doesnât have the same level of obvious submissive streak, largely because it is covered up by a huge swath of bitter and lonely. Still, the interesting sexuality part applies, and heâs got a few lines that sing to me in similar ways. He has been in love with this one guy for 20 years but also he hates him. But also if he goes longer than a week without his dick, he might die. But also if the guy invites him for a second round, he might throw himself out a window. He is angry at Lyford and angry at his favorite god. He is angry at death and the passage of time. The instant he is given a chance (or 2 or 4) to make up for what a shitty human heâs been for years now, he jumps at it. He wants to be good, he wants to be loved, he wants to be worthy. But also heâs an asshole with a sharp tongue and he will push Lyfordâs buttons until the man snaps if thatâs what it takes to see his real reaction. Heâs also got a similar level of touch starvation and need to be held and loved that Avra has.
#alexandra rowland#chantiverse#running close to the wind#a taste of gold and iron#yield under great persuasion#fox reads books#literary analysis#m/m romance#d/s dynamic analysis#I have FEELINGS#and this doesnât even get into Tadek because I didnât want the post to be too long#But TADEK my beloved#and Evemer and Avra my beloveds
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Hello love! I just looove those alphabet headcanons you wrote! Like I truly do! And idk if you accept requests but, I'd like it if you'd do one for Ran Haitani.. like I love that mf do much, I wouldn't mind it if I'd read these types of headcanons about him.. either way, I love your work and thnx in advance!
Take good care of yourself, and most importantly have a wonderful day/night! đ©·đ©·đ©·
AHHH HI LOVE thx for requesting (youâre so nice help-)
Im glad you like what im writing and ofc im gonna give our braid boy some hcs (even if he sadly doesnât have braids anymore đ)
Anyways here it comes and hope youâll like it!! (Also timeskip! Ran)
Btw I feel like I have a different vision of the character than what most people imagine, so sorry if itâs not what you expected
I will not take anymore full NSFW alphabet request because itâs just too long, but I will accept a maximum of 5 letters of your choice :)
NSFW under the cut
Aftercare (What theyâre like after sex)
Heâs surprisingly clingy after sex, he would probably bury his face in your neck and just hold your for a few moments. Heâs quite lazy but if youâre really drained heâll go get some things you may need like a glass of water or something to clean yourself with.
Body part : (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partnerâs)
I think heâs another one who loves his hands because MF have you seen those long ass fingers? Bet he can do some marvelous things with it.
Boobs. Thats all. Any shape or size heâs eating that up (literally) bc he worships your boobs so much, especially if youâre insecure about them heâll just keep talking about your pretty tits.
Cum (anything to do with cum)
Boobs (still) but I can also see him like to cum down your throat to see you choke a bit on it (heâs a little shit, will watch you struggle with that shit eating grin)
Dirty secret
Sometimes during sex you may be confronted to him tickling you. Heâll downplay it as an accident or a playful banter. But in reality, he does it because everytime, it makes you clench even more around his cock.
Experience (How experienced are they?)
I donât think Ran is really into serious relationships (especially Bonten Ran since heâs always busy). However, he had a few casual relationships and regular hook ups.
Favorite position
- Cow girl : Heâs lazy, so sometimes when heâs tired from work (which is often), heâll pull you onto his lap, pressing his growing bulge against your crotch. Loves when youâre riding him because he has a full view of your boobs, he likes to feel them bouncing on his face
- Thigh riding : Idk if it really counts as a position, but something about seeing you grinding on his thigh, desperate for release turns him on immensely. Heâd lay back and just watch you struggling from his lack of help. The most heâd do to help you is a slight bouncing of his thigh, still keeping it minimal.
Goofy (are they more serious in the moment or humorous?)
Heâll most likely not be serious during intimacy. He doesnât think itâs a big deal and he just loves teasing you, in and out of the bedroom.
Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)
As someone who (canonically I think) likes to take care of his looks, trimming is very important to him. He either trims regularly or completely shave.
Unfortunately he doesnât have lilac pubes.
Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect)
I see Ran as a very romantic person (despite his relentless teasing)
I think heâd always take the time to initiate things by holding you and peppering your skin with kisses. I just think that foreplay is important to him.
Jack off (Masturbation headcanon)
Doesnât do it often. I donât see him as someone particularly needy on this side, even so now that he has you. He only does it when he has to blow off some steam and youâre not here.
Kink (one or more of their kinks)
- Dry humping : As I said earlier, he can be lazy. So sometimes he wonât even take the time to undress and will just grind against you. It often ends up in you two cuddling in bed while he rubs his clothed crotch against yours, holding you tightly.
- Cockwarming : He loves the warm feeling of your walls around him, sometimes not even in a sexual way. When he had a bad day for exemple heâll sometimes ask to just be buried inside of you, tiredly kissing your neck.
Location (Favorite places to do it)
I think heâs someone who mostly keep this in his apartment. Any corner is fine as long as no one sees. Sometimes heâll even initiate things in his office, occurs when heâs needy but canât get out of work, so heâll just ask you if you can come visit him.
Motivation (what gets them started and going)
Loves seeing you confident. Something about your playful smile when you initiate things and climb on his lap will give him an immediate boner that only you can satisfy.
Lives for the sight of your boobs bouncing on his face. He actually doesnât really like positions where he canât see them properly. Will squish them together and suck on them pretty tits <3
NO (something they wouldnât do/turn offs)
Threesomes and voyeurism are a major turn off. He doesnât like sharing you one bit, not matter with who (sorry to those Haitani threesome enjoyers, I just donât see it)
The sight of your naked body is something that only him should be allowed to enjoy.
Oral (Giving/receiving preferences, skills..)
Even though he likes the feeling of your warm pussy better, heâll never say no to a blow job. Might even ask you to cockwarm him with your mouth under his desk while he works.
He might not eat you out often but when he does, itâs damn good. Heâs still a little shit so he wonât let you cum from that, he will edge you until you beg for his cock to finish the work, which he gladly does.
Pace (are they more fast and rough or slow and sensual)
SLOW. AND. SENSUAL. Listen he might be a lil shit but boy he thinks thereâs nothing better than a slow pace to fully enjoy you, sometimes so slow that you have to beg him to go faster (might have a slight begging kink also)
Quickie (Do they enjoy it quick?)
He does not enjoy them particularly. Heâs big on foreplay and likes to go slow, so quickies are reserved for needy emergencies. When it happens heâll promise you to fuck you well later, when youâre all alone :)
Risk (are they up to experiment, do they take risks etcâŠ)
I donât think heâd like too much to get out of his comfort zone but if thereâs something you really want to try heâll indulge you. Who knows, maybe heâll discover things about himself.
Stamina (How many rounds can they go)
Despite being lazy, I think he has a pretty good stamina. He can probably go up to 2/3 rounds depends of the position, maybe more in dry humping.
Toy (Do they own toys? Using them on a partner or themselves?)
I actually think he would. I feel like he would be big on nipple clamps (this man loves playing with your tits)
Probably the type of guy to gift you a dildo in the shape of his dick for when heâs not there.
Unfair (How much do they like to tease)
Do I really have to say it? Of course heâs a fucking tease. He will edge you for so long then overstimulate you until you canât take it. He can be a bit of a meanie sometimes but it will remain playful.
Volume (How loud are they?)
Wouldnât bother to hide his moans, low moans and whispered curses probably. His moans are so damn attractive I swear, straight out of a porn movie, especially when you ride him.
Wild card (random headcanon)
After a long day of work he asked you to cockwarm him. You sat on his lap as he buried his face in your neck. I took you ten minutes to realize he fell asleep while being inside of you.
X ray (Letâs see what going on under those clothesâŠ)
I think he would rather be on the thin side, but long. Like 7,5/8 inches long. Probably with a slight curves and a brownish-pink tip.
Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)
I donât think he has a high libido to be honest. But when youâre needy and heâs not heâll just have you ride his thigh. Hell, it might even convince him to just fuck you.
ZZZ (How fast do they fall asleep afterwards)
Heâs a sleepy baby. Not but really, after getting you what you needed, heâll fall asleep instantly. Even though he has a high stamina it still takes him a lot of energy.
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