#like you're awake??? mission accomplished?
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annoying alastor
♥ summary: you wake up too early for your own liking and end up spending your time distracting alastor from his morning paper ♥ relationships: alastor x g/n reader who wears hearing aids ♥ word count: 600 ♥ reader details: reader looks just like a human, they have demonic powers though and uses them to fuck with people, alastor likes them teehee awww. ♥ notes: story is 100% spoken dialogue, this is for the people who liked my other drabble
You are kinda piece of shit, though not intentionally of course. Usually not. But sometimes you get bored, and seeing demons as strong as Alastor look at you with pure annoyance can be fun. He'd never hurt you, but god does he want to sometimes.
Things like taking off your hearing aids when he's trying to talk to you and walking away gets under his skin. Or when you pretend they aren't even on and ignore him before responding to someone else. But occasionally, it's less simple.
"I like your animal features." You lean against the couch where he sits, crossing your arms while perched. He holds the morning paper in his hands, not looking back at you. He does tense, though, painfully aware of your hands and where they might be. But you don't touch him. You stand there quietly, looking over his shoulder, your presence an itch. He can feel your breath when you lean in. You hum. It's a simple noise, and he turns to look at you.
You're gone.
Then he hears your voice next to him, opposite where his head is facing. "I wish I had some."
He closes his eyes. So this is how his morning is going to be. He turns to you again, staring into your innocent eyes. They almost captivate him. Almost.
He slightly shakes his head, looking back at his paper. "They're nothing special, darling."
"I could have been a deer."
He doesn't look back at you.
You add, finally capturing his attention. "We're matching."
And when he meets your eye, he flinches back. You have a pair of deer ears, the same color as your hair, perched on the top of your head, facing him. They even twitch.
He scrunches his nose, unimpressed.
You hum again. "Or a cat."
The ears on your head morph into cat ears, and a tail even peaks through your pants and wraps around your leg. But the features disappeared as quickly as they came. "A spider?" Three eyes open on your cheek.
His head whips back down, his eyebrows furrowed.
Your voice comes to his other ear. "Scary, huh?"
The eyes are gone as if they never formed. Alastor tilts his head, turning to your changed position and squinting at you. Your theatrics are fun when you pull them on somebody else, but sadly, he is the only person awake.
"Are you usually this bothersome, or am I special?" He asks, rummaging through his memory. To his displeasure, you place a hand on the newspaper and push it down slowly, rendering it unreadable.
"You're special."
He makes a noise similar to a grunt. "And why are you up this early?"
"Early bird gets the worm."
"The second mouse gets the cheese, dear."
"Nice, I like that, that's funny." You smile, and in response, his smile tightens. You lean in. "Can you read me the paper? I wanna know stuff too."
His gaze is locked on yours, unwavering. If you're going to stay quiet through it, then maybe, but how likely is that? While at the same time, you don't have the habit of interrupting. Beyond the pestering, you are quite polite. You hold doors open for Charlie, and you actually pay attention to Angel's disgusting stories.
Alastor sighs, a hand going to the back of the couch, inviting you in. You are quick to take the place next to him as he wraps his arm around you to hold the other side of the newspaper. He sets the page in place with a small tightening grip and begins reading. But once he focused away from you, you let your ears melt into your skin, and the hearing aids drop; you sneakily catch them and hold them in your lap. You lay your head on his shoulder and close your eyes. Mission accomplished.
#hazbin hotel#x reader#hazbin hotel x reader#alastor#alastor x reader#if this doesn't get likes i'm gonna
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In your care — 707 x reader
Note: Am I addicted to Saeyoung Choi and the sick reader trope? Yes. Yes I am.
"Y/n?" was all that the members kept asking in the chatroom as they wondered where you went. You were in the middle of explaining the theme for the next party before you just...stopped replying.
"Shit." Seven muttered as he glanced at your passed out body from the cctv. Not even bothering to change from his pajamas and bed hair (or think about the consequences aka Vanderwood), he hurriedly drove to your apartment using the fastest among his babies.
"Y/n..?" he called out once getting inside Rika's apartment only to find your body still passed out in the same place he saw minutes ago.
He rushed to your side immediately checking your pulse and breathing. His moment of relief was short-lasting as he realized you were down with a heavy fever.
Carrying you over to your bed, he immediately looled around your kitchen for anything he could prepare for you before beaming at the sight of cup noodles (yes. thats the best you're going to get from his cooking skills)
"Saeyoung?" you called weakly as you caught a glimpse of a blurry red figure approaching you. "Oh good you're awake. Come on eat up." he motioned as he handed you your cup noodles.
Feeling too tired to eat, you immediately shook your head and covered yourself under the covers. "Agent 606 you need to eat!" he exclaimed.
"Come on~ The world needs your help agent! The plane is gonna crash!" The playfully exclaimed as he motioned the spoon of soup towards you like an airplane.
"Left them all die for all I care!" you whined. "Come on save atleast a few~" he insisted but you kept your mouth shut.
"Muah!"
You felt his lips on your forehead and gaped at him in shock as you felt your jaw drop. Grinning to himself, Seven entered the spoon inside your mouth before lifting your chin to close it. "Mission accomplished agent 606! Good job!"
You felt your cheeks grow warmer as you swallowed the soup.
"I know you're busy Saeyoung. Thanks for taking care of me." you mumbled as Saeyoung lifted the blanket higher to cover your neck.
"You really are...pretty handsome.." you mumbled tiredly as you looked at him one last time before dozing off.
Seven felt his inner programming start to malfunction at your words and suddenly felt his cheeks heat up. Why is it suddenly so hot in here?
.
.
.
"It's cause you have a fever!" you exclaimed as you woke up to a heavily sweating Saeyoung by your side and checked his temperature.
"Wear a mask next time alright!" You exclaimed before letting him lay on your bed.
"Achoo! But then you won't get to see my handsome face!"
#mystic messenger#mm#mysmes#mystic messenger 707#mystic messenger 707 x reader#707#707 x reader#luciel#luciel x reader#luciel choi#luciel choi x reader#saeyoung#saeyoung choi x reader#mystic messenger saeyoung#mystic messenger saeyoung x reader#zennryu#yoosung#rfa#rfa x reader#mystic messenger x reader#zen#jumin#jaehee#saeran#mystic messenger fluff#mysme fluff#mysme#mysmes fluff
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sun & moon, james potter
pairing: james potter x fem!reader
synopsis: y/n is always in a bad mood, but james is always there to cheer her up
warning: none
word count: 0.9k
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ JAMES HAD ALWAYS BEEN the embodiment of sunlight—bright, cheerful, and perpetually optimistic. His smile could light up a room, and his laughter was infectious. On the other hand, Y/n was the grumpy, no-nonsense counterpart to his endless optimism. She was practical, realistic, and often cynical, finding James's unwavering cheerfulness both irritating and endearing.
They had met at a mutual friend’s party. James had been the life of the event, dancing and chatting with everyone, while Y/n had sat in a corner, nursing a drink and trying to avoid small talk. She had rolled her eyes at his antics, convinced he was just another overly enthusiastic extrovert. But then, he had approached her, his brown eyes twinkling with mischief.
"Hey there, wallflower. Mind if I join you?" he had asked, plopping down beside her without waiting for an answer.
Y/n had sighed, looking at him with her best withering stare. "If you must."
Instead of being deterred, James had grinned wider. "I must. You look like you need someone to brighten up your day."
"Or ruin it," Y/n muttered, but she couldn't deny the spark of curiosity he ignited in her.
From that moment on, James had made it his mission to break through Y/n's grumpy exterior. He would show up at her favorite coffee shop with her usual order—black coffee, no sugar, no cream. He'd leave little notes on her desk at work, each one more ridiculous than the last. ("Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!") And somehow, despite her best efforts, Y/n found herself looking forward to his antics.
One evening, after a particularly stressful day at work, Y/n trudged home, her mood darker than usual. She found James waiting outside her apartment, a bouquet of sunflowers in his hand and a hopeful smile on his face.
"Thought you could use some sunshine," he said, offering her the flowers.
Y/n took the bouquet reluctantly, unable to suppress a small smile. "Thanks, James. But flowers won't fix my day."
"Maybe not," he agreed, "but they might make it a little better."
As the weeks turned into months, Y/n realized she had fallen for James's relentless optimism. He was like a ray of sunshine in her otherwise cloudy life, and she found herself basking in his warmth. James, in turn, adored Y/n's practicality and honesty. She kept him grounded, and he loved the challenge of making her smile.
One Saturday morning, Y/n woke up to the smell of pancakes. She stumbled into the kitchen to find James humming a tune as he flipped pancakes on the stove. He was wearing an apron that read, "Kiss the Cook," and Y/n couldn't help but roll her eyes.
"Good morning, sunshine," James said, turning to flash her a bright smile.
"What's so good about it?" she grumbled, rubbing her eyes.
James's smile softened, and he walked over to give her a quick kiss on the forehead. "You're awake, and you're here with me. That's pretty good, don't you think?"
Y/n snorted but couldn't hide the affection in her eyes. "If you say so."
They sat down to breakfast, and James launched into a story about his latest adventure—helping a neighbor fix a broken fence, which had somehow turned into a comedy of errors. Y/n listened, her grumpy demeanor slowly melting away as she laughed at his animated retelling. James's heart soared every time she laughed; it was the sweetest sound in the world to him, a rare and precious treasure.
After breakfast, James dragged Y/n out for a walk in the park. She grumbled about the cold and the early hour, but he kept up a steady stream of chatter, pointing out interesting sights and making her laugh with his silly observations. Each laugh from Y/n was like a personal victory for James, filling him with joy and a sense of accomplishment.
As they walked, James took her hand, swinging their arms gently. "You know, Y/n, I was thinking…"
"That's dangerous," she teased, but her heart skipped a beat. James only got that serious look in his eyes when he was about to say something important.
"I know I can be a bit much sometimes," he said, his tone more subdued. "But I hope you know how much you mean to me. You're my rock, my anchor. I love you, grumpy and all."
Y/n stopped walking, turning to look at him. His brown eyes were earnest, filled with love and a hint of vulnerability. She felt a warmth spread through her chest, and for once, she didn't feel the need to hide behind her grumpiness.
"I love you too, James," she said softly. "Even though you're annoyingly cheerful."
James's face lit up with a smile so bright it could rival the sun. He pulled her into a tight hug, and Y/n couldn't help but feel grateful for the ray of sunshine that had entered her life.
As the months passed, their relationship only grew stronger. They balanced each other perfectly���James's optimism tempered by Y/n's realism, and Y/n's grumpiness softened by James's cheerfulness. They faced challenges together, finding strength in their differences and joy in their love.
One evening, as they sat on the couch, James turned to Y/n with a mischievous grin. "You know, I've been thinking…"
"There you go again," Y/n said, though her eyes twinkled with amusement.
"I think we should get a cat," James said, his grin widening. "A grumpy one, just like you."
Y/n raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? And what makes you think I want a cat?"
"Because," James said, leaning in to kiss her nose, "even grumpy people need a little sunshine in their lives."
Y/n couldn't argue with that. As she snuggled closer to James, she realized that she didn't mind being the grumpy one—as long as she had her sunshine by her side.
#marauders#marauders fanfiction#james potter#james potter x reader#james potter x y/n#james fleamont potter#james potter fluff#james potter imagine#grumpy x sunshine
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VESPER.
PART II
Hyunjin x reader. (s,f)
Chapters: PART I / ONE DANCE.
Synopsis: You've been praying every night for someone like Hyunjin to come and when he finally did, you doubt that he would approve your job as a stripper. (11,3k words)
Author's note: As always, feel free to vent in my asks and enjoy :)
You usually wake up alone in the middle of the day but not today, you wake up to Hyunjin's lips on your breast.
He wet your hardening bud with his tongue and takes it into his mouth while his fingers are playing with the other one, pinching and rolling it between his fingers.
You squirm as he sucks on the flesh with his hair brushing over your skin, adding a ticklish on top of everything. Slipping your hand into his dark locks, you mumble his name, "Hyunjin?"
He smiles when he sees you awake and hastily kisses you on the lips, he doesn't waste time putting the duvet away from your body to touch you down there.
It's kind of embarrassing to find you already wet down there which only convinced you that he has been touching you long enough while you're sleeping and it's inexplicably arousing to you.
"It's not every day I woke up to a needy boyfriend," you tease him.
It's you who is always openly needy for him, you never hesitate to ask for it or even initiate it first but at the same time, it gives the impression that you're the horny one.
So now, seeing him fingering you in a broad daylight makes you feel incredibly good and extremely aroused.
Then his head is between your legs, he's planting soft kisses on your inner thighs that lead him down to your heating core. You watch as he rubs your clit with his thumb then places a gentle kiss on it.
Everything he does is low-key romantic and erotic at the same time.
"Do you like it?" He asks with his fingertips lightly tracing down your wetness.
"I love whenever you put your lips on me," you answer.
He slyly smiles, opens his mouth to place a kiss on your inner thigh, and gently sucks on the skin.
You lay back on your pillow and close your eyes, letting him please you however he wanted. His arms curved under your legs, one hand laced with yours as his mouth is deep in your wetness, sucking and licking your essence.
You forget about everything else for a while and let him carry you to your high. He tightly clasped his hand with yours knowing that you're so close and not letting go as you cum against his mouth.
Both of your legs are shaking from the intense pleasure washing over you and you just want to stay there on the bed with him, "I don't think I'll be working tonight," you say between your pants.
He places a haste kiss on the corner of your mouth and pulls away with a lopsided grin on his face, "mission accomplished!"
It's not the first time he subtly hinted that he needs you and wants to spend time with you, but oftentimes those signs slipped past your attention.
You take his arm to rest your head on it, getting comfortable lying close to him, you say, "I don't want to cook dinner tonight."
He nods, "me too. I don't want to cook dinner."
You pout at him, "well, it seems like we have to have a dinner out."
"That's the plan!" He says with a sly smile.
The two of you are looking for a place to eat when he bumps into his friends, you have no choice but turn dinner for two into dinner for four.
During the dinner, one of them keeps looking at you and it's getting uncomfortable for you.
"I think I've seen you somewhere," he says with a puzzling look.
Well, unless he likes to spend money at the strip clubs then yes, he probably has seen you but not sure if you have seen him. Well, you can't know for sure because you've seen a lot and more.
"Were you in a movie or something?" He asks.
You politely smile, "No, I'm not."
"What are you then? I mean, may I know what your job is?" He asks again and keeps twirling his pasta with a fork.
"I'm a dancer," you simply answer.
"Are you a ballerina?"
You shake your head, "no, not that kind of dancer."
"What kind of dance do you do?"
He's one meticulous man and if you keep letting him in, he would know what you are at the end of the dinner and probably the password to your bank deposit box too.
"Can you let my girlfriend eat her dinner in peace?" Hyunjin says with a thin smile.
His friend chuckles and holds his hand up at him, "sorry," he then glances at you and apologizes again, "I'm sorry."
Hyunjin and his friends mostly talk about their college days, spoiling a few embarrassing things about Hyunjin back in the day.
You excuse yourself to the restroom before the dinner ends and pay the bill on your way back to the table when one of them suggested a round 2.
Hyunjin seems to be still wanted to hang around for that but you want to give him space so he can freely be with friends.
"He'll go," you answer for him and you quickly squeeze his hand before he can complain.
He shakes his head and subtly frowns, "Let's just go home."
"Have a few drinks with your friends," you tell him and keep your voice low so his friends can't hear it.
"Are you sure?" He asks.
"Yes, go have some fun," you assure him with a smile, "But I'll take the car," you add while taking the car keys from his jeans pocket.
Hyunjin gives you a long peck on the lips before you get in the car, "call me when you get home, okay?"
You wave your hand at his friends before driving away and you see Hyunjin becomes smaller in the rearview mirror.
As you promised, you text Hyunjin to let him know you're home then get ready for bed after. Once you lay on your bed, your head start to wander to the dinner earlier where Hyunjin stopped his friend from furtherly asking about your job.
You never once sit down and talk about this, whether he supports what you do or takes the neutral side like your brother. You always hesitate to talk about what happened at work because you're afraid that he would feel repulsed, you know he's not that kind of person but still... who knows?
You are about to fall into deep slumber when Hyunjin wraps his hands around you and kisses your bare shoulder.
"Are you sleeping?" He softly asks as he places a kiss on the skin behind your ear.
You sleepily smile and say, "not anymore."
He offers his arm to be your pillow and pulls you closer to him, "I miss you," he says.
You find it funny because you're only apart for a few hours, "how drunk are you?"
Hyunjin doesn't answer but makes you rest your head on his chest so he can brush your hair with his fingers. The thoughts you had are coming back again and maybe it's the right time to seek answers from him. You put a hand under your chin and face him, "Hyunjin?"
"Yes, my love?" He responds with his eyes closed.
"Do you feel ashamed of what I do?"
He takes a deep breath his chest inflated under you, then looks at you, "I know you are more than just what you do," he says.
He places his hand on the small of your back, his fingers making lazy circles on the skin, "and I respect your choice of career," he adds.
You can sense a 'but' coming from his beautiful mouth and you prepare yourself for the worst outcomes.
"But to say that I support what you do," he let out a sigh with his head looking at the ceiling, "to be honest, I don't know if I do."
You kind of expected this answer but you try to keep your mind and heart open to hear the rest of what he needed to say.
Hyunjin slowly lets go of you to sit on the bed with his back resting against the headboard, "come here," he says, patting the space next to him.
You comply without a word, sitting next to him on the bed.
He takes your legs and put them on top of his lap, "I hate to know that everyone else got to see your body when I want it all to be mine and mine only," he says.
That you didn't expect to hear from him, you know he can be very protective but he can be overly jealous too. Again, you understand, you would feel the same if the roles are reversed.
"Do you want me to quit my job?" You ask and you're willing to go that far for him. You meant it when you say you want to fully commit to this relationship and if quitting your job is a part of the commitment, you'll do it.
He holds your face, "you think I'll stop painting if you tell me to?"
You shake your head. You'll never make him quit painting in the first place because you know how much it means to him.
"I'm not telling you to quit your job. I know your job and I'm okay with it. I just... I just don't want to know the rest," he concludes.
So you're right to not talk about your job to him and that's where his limit is. There's nothing wrong with that, he wants to stay out of it so he wouldn't think negatively about you. If he can respect your choice of career then you can also respect his decision to remain oblivious.
“Are you okay with that?”
“Yeah, I’m okay.”
It's a little hard to swallow to know that anyone else doesn't support what you do but you're grateful that he stays. You take his hand and clasped it, "but I'm yours, you know?"
You lean in and look deeply into his eyes, "you have not just my body, you have my soul, my heart, my love," you list all of the things that you know for certain he's the sole owner of it, "I'm all yours."
Hyunjin softly smiles and makes you sit on his lap where he gazes at your face with eyes full of admiration.
"And you know what the best part is?" You ask.
"Mmh?"
You bring your mouth close to his ear and whisper, "you can have it all for free."
Hyunjin draws a sharp breath and slides the duvet down your body, exposing your naked body for his eyes to lust over, "ain’t I the luckiest?”
-
It's unclear whether the talk you had that night changes the relationship for the better.
Hyunjin looked a bit distant lately, not physically. It's like his mind is drifting elsewhere and his body is merely a vessel. More than once, you find him not listening to things you say to him.
"Baby, I told you to get the unsalted butter not—" you don't want to nag him over a block of butter in the middle of the supermarket.
"Why don't you take all these to the checkout and I'll get it myself," you tell him.
"Okay," he pushes the trolley in the opposite direction you're going.
When you return, Hyunjin is in the middle of something with the cashier and holds the queue. You come to his side and grab his elbow, "What's wrong?"
"My card is declined," he says while putting his credit card back into the compartment in his wallet.
You immediately pull out your wallet and hand the cashier your credit card, "Try this," you tell her.
Hyunjin is quiet as he loads the bags of groceries into the trunk and stays quiet the whole ride home when it starts to suffocate you.
"What's wrong, baby?" You ask once he puts the last bag of groceries on the kitchen island.
"I can pay for the grocery," he sharply says as he starts unpacking things out of the bag.
It's so unlike him to fuss over petty things like this, "it's just grocery," you say, also unpacking another bag next to him.
He gets quiet again and opens the fridge, "you paid for most of our dinner, you paid for groceries a few times too before this and everything else," he talks with his back facing you.
You sense that there's something with him that makes him suddenly talk about groceries when you have no idea what is his problem with it.
"What are you trying to say?" You calmly ask.
He turns around and smiles at you, "nothing," he answers with a shrug.
It's not nothing even though he stays the same person after that little quarrel in the kitchen.
Hyunjin is still him, he holds you close when he sleeps and kisses you goodnight. He leaves after having breakfast with you to go to his studio like he always does.
Your heart is heavy to know that he holds something back from telling you what's been bothering him.
You decide to not work today and drive to his studio, it's been a while since you haven't seen him painting.
He's surprised to see you there that he lingers in the doorway, "what are you doing here?"
"Surprise!" You cheer with a wide grin.
You show him a bag of bakery goods you brought with you and cups of coffee in your hands, "aren't you going to let me in?" You ask with a pout.
He shakes his head, "Not without getting a kiss first," he says.
You throw your hands around him and carefully not sloshing the hot coffee onto him, giving him a long kiss that makes you gasp when you pull away.
"Are you working on a painting?" You ask as you put everything down on the small dining table. Then your eyes somehow landed on the blank canvas on the easel across the room.
"I was on the phone with my agent so I haven't started yet," he explains.
He turns to face you, then takes your hands, "I don't feel like painting today," he says.
"But I came here to watch you paint," you pout.
He tips his head to the side and thinks of an idea, "okay then I'll paint only if you paint with me," he says.
You snort, "but sir, you are the painter here!"
He pulls you with him to change the canvas with a bigger one, then draws a quick sketch on it with a pencil. It doesn't take him long to do that, he truly has skillful hands.
"This can't do," he says, then moves the canvas into the big wooden table where he puts all of his painting utensils.
You sit next to each other with the canvas in front of you, "Okay, tell me what I have to do!"
"Nothing," he answers, putting a thin paintbrush in your hand, "all you have to do is just paint," he simply says.
That seems like an easy task for a painter like him but it's a whole different thing for you, you have zero ideas about how to start.
"You paint this part," he points to the right part of the canvas, "and I'll do this," he says.
Your hand floats in the air, unsure what to do first, should you go ahead and paint however you like?
Hyunjin makes a good painting instructor, he patiently guides you step by step, teaches you how to mix the paint with water to get your desired color hue, and how to gently brush the paint on the canvas.
For the sketch, he drew two flowers that grow from a stem, it's scientifically impossible for such a thing to exist but you guess it holds a meaning that only he knows.
It feels good to express what you feel through painting, you mostly enjoy it because you're with Hyunjin, a person who truly enjoys this experience.
Hours passed unnoticed, you only realize it when you look out the window, twilight in the sky.
You turn to look at Hyunjin, "can we continue this next time?"
He cups your face, "tired?"
You nod.
He pecks your lips for a second, then says, "of course, baby."
You put down your paintbrush and stretch your arms, getting up from the chair to see that you have paint on your cheek. It must be from Hyunjin's hand.
You hurriedly wash your hands in the sink and wipe the paint on your cheek with a wet towel, you take a few paper towels at once to dry your hands.
You toss them into the trash bin and spot something on the bottom, a crumpled paper. You pick it up and unfold it to read what's on it.
It's a notification letter that Hyunjin has been late paying his rent and also got charged for the late rent fee. You take a picture of the landlord's phone number and crumple it, tossing it back into the trash bin.
"I'm thinking we should eat burgers tonight," he says, coming from behind you to also wash his hands.
"Sounds like a good plan!" You slam the trash bin close with your hand and get out of his way.
"I'll clean up the place," you say and start picking up the trash from the food you brought earlier.
Also, you can't stop thinking if that's the thing that has been bothering his head lately that he has a financial problem and doesn't tell you about it.
But why? If he told you earlier, you would have helped him with it.
"Hurry up, babe. I'm starving," he says as he hugs you from the back and peppers your neck with kisses.
You hurriedly snap yourself out of your head and smile, "you're not exactly helping me move faster," you say.
The only right way to end such a good day is to have good sex. But that's the problem, with Hyunjin, it's never just good.
He holds both of your legs against him as he thrusts into you, doesn't hesitate to kiss your ankle, and rubs his hands down your legs.
He's exceptionally very vocal tonight, he keeps muttering praises in between his grunts.
"Want to cum inside you, baby."
"Want to fill you with my love."
"Love it when you clench around me."
"So beautiful moaning my name."
And he would still say he's bad with words.
When he cum, he launches his cock as deep as possible and refuses to pull out of you as he cuddles you after sex. With his dark hair tousled and lips puckering red, he's overwhelmingly beautiful.
"You know what? I was having a really bad today," he tells you with a sad smile, "then you came."
He kisses you and at the same time inhales air through his nostrils, "and you made it better."
His eyes are filled with glints when he's speaking his heart out that it tugs your chest. You hold his hair from curtaining his face and look deeply into his eyes, just listening to what he's saying.
He takes your hand and softly kisses your knuckle, "I honestly don't want to know how my day would be if you didn't come."
He presses a chaste kiss on your lips and softly sighs, "I'm so thankful for you," he sincerely says.
To have this perfect, beautiful man say all that to you makes you happy beyond belief. Your heart is quivering from how it tries to contain all these bubbling emotions stirring inside you.
He then buries his head in your neck and put his whole body weight on you, "please stay by my side," he whispers.
You hold him tight and embrace him with all of your heart, let his words seep into you, and let it be the only command you'll dutifully carry for the rest of your life: To be always by his side.
-
Something shifts in the relationship and you can't decide if it's good or bad. You scramble to get up in the morning and Hyunjin immediately pulls you back to bed.
"Stay," he mumbles with his eyes closed at you.
He pulls the duvet to cover your body, he probably tries to kiss your lips but it lands on your cheek instead, "let's sleep for a few more hours."
You grope around to hold him and slip your arm under, "you're not going to the studio?"
He hums in response, this time, his kiss lands right on your lips. He offers his arm to be your pillow, "here, baby!"
You comfortably rest your head on his arm and close your eyes to try to go back to sleep but it's hard now that you got reminded of his late rent notice letter.
When you wake up a few hours later, he's already in the kitchen preparing lunch for both of you. He smiles seeing you coming with your eyes still heavy with sleep, "Coffee?"
"Yes, please," you sit on the empty stool as he pours steaming hot coffee into your mug.
"Thank you," you mutter and pull the mug in front of you, inhaling the strong smell that awakens your senses.
"Will you be working today?" He places a plate of toast in front of you.
"Yes," you reply.
As much as you want to spend all day with him, you realize you've been slacking a lot lately. Also, you have one important thing to do today.
"Why? Do you have something planned today?" You ask, curious if he asked because he wants to take you somewhere.
"Not really, I'm going to the gallery later and I thought about showing you these paintings from a new painter," he places a jar of your favorite peanut butter jam next to the plate.
"Maybe next time?" You console him with a grin.
He gently pats your bedhead, "sure, beautiful!"
He paces around to tidy up the kitchen before sitting on the stool next to you, "what time you'll be working tonight?"
You check the time and it's almost 3 pm already, remembering that you have things to do before work, you should be getting ready soon.
"I don't think I'll be having dinner at home," you tell him.
"That's okay," he answers, then presses a kiss on your temple.
Hyunjin gets ready in a rush because he doesn't want to be late for a meeting with the manager of the gallery. He places a long kiss on your neck while you're doing your make-up.
"Have a great day at work!" He says with another kiss on the top of your head.
You tilt your head to look up at him, "have a great day!" you say back to him and pull him close by the collar of his shirt to kiss him on the lips.
After making sure that Hyunjin has left, you take your phone and call the landlord of his painting studio. This is it, this is the right thing, you remind yourself. It's the least you can do to help him, to ease his mind then maybe, maybe he'll start painting again.
When you come home, you silently make your way to peek inside the bedroom to see him already sleeping as usual. You put your duffel bag down in the room without making a sound and tiptoe back to the kitchen, making a quick sandwich for yourself, then eating it on the dining table.
You always have your phone with you at work but you can't always check it, it's just now that you found a text from the landlord informing you that he has received the money you sent for Hyunjin's studio rent plus the late fee.
The sound of the bedroom door creaking open startles you. Your head spun to see Hyunjin awake and approaching you.
"Had it always been like this?" He asks, pulling a chair next to you, then sitting on it.
"What?" You ask.
"You eat alone in the kitchen every night?"
You softly chuckle, "it's not as miserable as it sounds," you deny even though it is kind of lonely when he puts it like that but you're used to it.
"Want me to make something else for you?" He offers after opening the can of your favorite drink.
"No, thank you, I'm full already," you kindly refuse.
You hate for him to see how you look like when you come home from work, not when your make-up is still on and you smell of a mix of everything from the strip club.
It's like he senses that you're anxious, he endearingly put all of your hair to the side to press a soft kiss on your cheek, "How's work?"
It's the first time he ever asked you that, maybe he can't help asking because of how exhausted you look. You choose your words carefully before answering him.
"A bit tired but it was alright," you even add a smile at the end of the sentence.
You take his hand and hold it on your lap, "how about you? How's your day?"
He heavily sighs and you can tell that something happened,
"At the meeting, the gallery director said my paintings are not doing well. It has been two months and I..." he pauses to pinch the bridge of his nose, "I should have at least sold one and I can't even do that."
It makes you sad that he's been struggling without you knowing. You know that he's always been a reserved person but you don't know that he's been keeping it all to himself.
As far as you know, he's been taking care of you and showing you his warm smile when the reality is, not only that he can't afford to pay rent, he's barely painting and his paintings are not doing well.
"I have only a month left before they replace my paintings with a new, more talented painter," he talks as if he's spitting acid instead of words, full of spite and it's aimed toward himself.
"I'm such a failure..." he sadly sighs.
You squeeze his hand so tight that his knuckle turns white, "you're not a failure, okay?"
You force him to look you in the eyes before you continue speaking, "and don't you dare to say that ever again!" You warn him with an intense glare.
Hyunjin burst out laughing, "were you scolding me just now?"
On one side, you're happy that he finally shares what he's going through with you but also hate that he easily lets it brings him down. You frown and look away from him, "I don't want to hear it coming out of you again," you grumble.
He leans in to softly kiss the tip of your nose then puts his forehead against yours, "I'm sorry," he apologizes.
You melt into his hug almost immediately and you give him anything you have in you to comfort him, to give him the solace he seeks.
"You know what we both need right now?" He asks as he pats your back.
"Mmh?" You mumble with your head resting on his shoulder.
"A hot bath," he replies, "would you like that?"
You eagerly nod.
"I'll get it ready for us then!" He says.
You can't clean your make-up faster than this, not when you can see Hyunjin taking his clothes off through the mirror and he knows that you're watching as he smiles at you through the reflection.
When it's your turn to get into the tub, he offers his hand to help you and makes a space between his legs for you to sit in. You comfortably rest your back against his chest and your head on his shoulder, sighing at the delightful feeling of being engulfed in hot, scented water.
Hyunjin scoops water in his hand and pours it on your shoulder and chest, slowly he rubs the skin to wash the night off of you.
"You're so beautiful," he softly whispers into your ear.
His hand goes under the water to touch you places that he knows you'll like, he lets out a sultry sigh close to your ear, then hears him say, "I can't believe you are mine."
When you turn your head to look at him, he hungrily captures your lips for a hungry, deep kiss that savors every bit of sanity in you.
It never ceased to amaze you how easily he can make you crumble at the faintest of his touches on you and you don't mind any of it.
He takes both of your hands and folds them along with his hands in front of you, holding you tight as he presses a long kiss on your lips.
"All mine," he says against his lips.
"All yours," you say back to him.
And you surrender all of yourself to him, body and soul.
-
Things have been exceptionally good lately and it's kind of suspicious.
Maybe it's your anxiety talking but you get that feeling like you know someone is about to pull the rug under you. You might have manifested it into a reality because something crappy happened not long after you had that thought.
You talked to this customer, he's a nice guy, he complimented you and told you that you're pretty and all. He bought you a drink and you talked about a few things, a few guys like to engage in a conversation before they ask for your service like normal people.
Then all of a sudden, this girl got in between you and him, offering you a lap dance. Never once had a customer offered you a dance, so you sat and let her. You told her she's pretty and cute, she dances well just to please her.
Her face remained unpleasant the whole dance and it was a while later you found out that she was the girlfriend of the guy you talked to.
The guy gave you 50 dollars and asked you to give his girlfriend a lap dance with a wild guess that she might soften after. So you came to her and gave her a lap dance to only have her shove you to the side, then left.
It's fine if someone gets jealous, that happens but to have you as a punching bag, that's not what you're here for.
You let out a big sigh when you finally get to come home, knowing that Hyunjin will be waiting for you.
Ever since that night, he made you promise to text him when you're on your way home from work. He hates seeing you eating alone in the kitchen so by doing that, he can prepare food for you and keep you company.
Even just sending him a text already makes you feel a whole lot better.
Unfortunately, the feeling good doesn't last long. Instead of a warm smile that always welcomes you home, you see Hyunjin sitting alone in the kitchen, holding something in his hand.
"I'm home," you say just in case he doesn't hear you coming.
He looks cold and tense, pretty much the opposite of what he's always been.
"What's wrong?" You sound so little when you ask it that you feel like shrinking along in size.
He turns his head, leering at you. "What is wrong is you paid my rent," he says.
Your heart starts beating so fast, you hate to argue with him. Conflict is never a good idea so you try to avoid it.
You immediately take a seat next to him and try to put the fire out before it gets big, "I'm sorry for not telling you. I saw the notice letter and I wanted—" you got choked by air as you try to explain, "I wanted to help you, that's all."
"Why did you do that?" He asks with the overhead lights casting a shadow on his face.
"I thought by helping you, you would start painting again, I swear I didn't mean—I just wanted to help you," you stutter as you explain, afraid that he would mistake your true intention.
He gets quiet but keeps the paper crumpled in his hand, his jaws are still clenched in anger. You don't know why he got so mad when all you wanted to do was help him. Was it the money? Was it burdens him?
"It's not a big deal, really, I happen to have the money to pay for—"
"But I don't need your fucking money!" He spits those words as if they're daggers and they're meant to hurt you.
They do, you can feel it stabbing you right through your chest and you start to find it hard to breathe, air and blood, they're all drained out of you.
"You paid for everything! The food in the fridge, the rent, the drinks I had with my friends, even the freaking can of shave cream I have," his hands are balled into fists as he talks and slams them against the dining table for every word he says.
"Have you ever thought about me? Have you ever thought that every time you paid for me you hurt my pride as a man? You're not only doing that, but you also make me feel like a worthless piece of shit who can't even—" he stops himself from talking further by pressing his lips together until they turned white.
"I DON'T NEED YOUR MONEY!" he spits the same words again and doubled the pain in your chest.
It's like a bursting dam, you start uncontrollably sobbing that everything turns into a blur and you throw yourself at him, wrapping your hands tight around him.
"Please, don't break up with me!" You shout into his chest with your face wet with tears. That's the first thing that goes through your head, that he's mad and soon he'd be breaking up with you, then out of the door.
"I don't want to break up! Please, I'm sorry!" You cry into him as the fear becomes unbearably real that it hurts, like a ton of weight pushing down your chest.
"Please, don't go, I'm sorry," you keep crying while holding him as tightly as you can and you'll do everything to not let him go.
"Please, please, don't," you keep begging between your choked sobs with tears flowing down your both cheeks. And you keep doing that until your words become incoherent and turn into desperate mewls.
When Hyunjin finally holds you back, you sob even harder into his chest the front of his shirt is soaking wet with your tears.
He hastily kisses your head, "I'm not breaking up with you," he assures you.
Yet his words can't quite calm the raging storm inside you, "please, stay, please," you endlessly beg with your hoarse voice.
"I'm not going anywhere. I'm here," he assures you with a long kiss on your forehead.
Hyunjin doesn't expect you to break down into tears when he confronted you and that you would think he would end the relationship right then and then.
It takes hours for you to be able to calm down as he holds you close on the bed, rubbing your back as you cry your heart out. This marks the first time the two of you got into bed with clothes still on. This makes one memory that you'll try not to remember
"I'll go get you a glass of water for you, yeah?" He says.
You grab the front of his shirt to stop him from going, "don't go," you croak.
He obeys and continues patting your head, "okay, I'm not going but are you okay?"
There's a constant prickly pain in your chest but it's bearable now, you shake your head.
"I must have surprised you a lot, mmh?" He asks.
You nod.
"I'm sorry," he sighs with his lips on your forehead, "I shouldn't have exploded right in front of you like that."
The look on his face when he shouted at you flashed through your head and it hurts you all over again that you're clutching onto his shoulder.
"I can't—I don't feel like painting lately. I'm slowly losing my passion after knowing my paintings are not doing good, then I knew I'll be losing the studio soon and my fund is drying. I even started to think if I should stop painting..." his words trail off and that describes how he, himself couldn't believe that he ever thought of doing that.
He stops moving his hand and rests it on the small of your back, "but I don't care if I'm no longer a painter. I want to always be someone great for you, not this loser who lives off of his girlfriend's money."
You shake your head to disagree with him, "it's just money," you manage to successfully tell him between your hiccups.
He takes your hand and holds it tightly, "it's not just my pride talking. It's because I know how hard you worked to make that money, baby," he cups your chin and forces you to look at him.
You shake your head again, "don't care," you croak, "I only care about you."
He hugs you tight and puts his head close to yours, "now I'm so mad at myself for making you sad," he mutters.
You look up and place a haste kiss on his lips, ignoring how the kiss would taste like nothing but tears, "please, stay," you sadly murmur.
"I'm here, I'm not going anywhere," he assures you with a kiss.
The thought that you almost lost him earlier put you in great sorrow, can't imagine if he left you for real, walking out of that door and never coming back.
Oh, the pain you put yourself through just by thinking about it!
"I love you," the words flowing out of you from the depth of your heart and into his ears. You're only hoping that they're making their way into his heart and he let them in.
He softly smiles at you and gently kisses you, "I love you so much that it doesn't make sense to me," he says back without the slightest doubt.
Not only he lets you in without knocking, but he also lets you take ownership of it and lives in it.
"I love you and saying it still doesn't feel enough for me," he says again for the second time.
"I can try and paint them too but I'm not sure I'd be able to capture the way I love you," he says with the gentlest of caress on your face.
You smile with your eyes swollen from crying, "and you said you're bad with words?"
He lets out a low laugh and presses a quick kiss on your lips, "and apparently, I'm bad at staying mad at you for long," he says.
The crack of dawn casts a blueish light against the curtain. You can feel the exhaustion from work and crying all night finally dawning on you.
Before you put your eyes to rest, you take one long look at Hyunjin's face and that's when you realize that the importance of his existence in your life has come to a new extent, it's paramount.
-
Hyunjin gives you back the money he took back from the landlord, the rest of the money from the late rent, and the fee. He insists that you accept it even though he'll no longer have a studio to paint.
Unbeknownst to him, you have another idea for that.
Since all of his stuff from the studio will be delivered to your apartment, you prepared a room in your apartment to be his new studio. It'll be a lot smaller than his previous one but it's the only way to prevent him from keep losing his interest in painting.
"Ta-da! Your new studio!" You announce as you take him to the balcony.
You did some adjustments by moving some furniture along with a few boxes of stuff you rarely use, storing them in the storage room in the basement.
You keep the sofa and a round coffee table in there, knowing that you'll be watching him painting from there.
"Come on!" You bump his shoulder with yours, "I'm just giving you a space in my apartment. I'm not spending any money on it," you explain before he can complain.
You walk around the space and imagine that he filled it with so many of his paintings, blank canvases lined up the wall, and easels standing in the middle of the room with his half-finished paintings on them.
Then you plop down on the sofa and smile at the picture you draw in your head.
"And I will be watching you paint from here," you lift an imaginary cup to your mouth, "with a cup of coffee," you say with a wink.
Hyunjin chuckles and plops down next to you on the sofa, he puts an arm around you while looking around the room with your vision.
"The lighting wouldn't be a problem, right?" You ask.
He only nods to everything you say, he hasn't said any words from the moment you showed him the new studio. You put your hand across his chest and look at his face for any reactions on his face, "I know it's not as impressive as I pictured in my head but can you say something?"
You put on a playful glare at him, "the last time you stayed quiet like this, it wasn't a pleasant thing," you say with a grimace.
He chuckles again and briefly kisses you on the forehead, "I love it," he says with an earnest smile.
You smile upon hearing his words and rest your head against the sofa, you take his hand to clasp it together, "please, don't stop painting," you say.
He looks at you as if to seek things he needed to hear and you're more than willing to tell him that.
"You're one talented painter and I know I'm not the only one whose heart got moved whenever I see your paintings," you chuckle seeing him narrowing his eyes at you, "I'm not biased, I swear!"
Hyunjin lets out a low laugh, "I believe you, baby," he says.
You get onto his lap and hold his face in your hands, take a good look at his beautiful face as you take a moment to gather your thoughts into words.
"When I said that I want to fully commit to our relationship, I meant it. I want and will give you everything, whatever that is," you talk while looking into his eyes.
"And that includes money."
Hyunjin rolls his eyes at the mention of it and rests his head back against the headrest of the sofa.
"Can you listen to what I need to say first?" You say as he playfully turns his head away from you.
"Okay, okay," he caves in then puts his hands on each side of your waist and intently listens to you with his wide eyes looking back at yours.
"I want to fully support you as a painter," you say, "I want you to not have to think about anything else but painting."
The decision doesn't come in a turn of a night, you have thought about it way before he got into this situation.
"I want to support you because you're a great painter and it would be a waste of talent if you stopped," you quickly add before he takes it the wrong way.
You trail the shape of his jaw with your finger and say, "I want to be your Theo."
That seems to remind him of that one time he told you about the painting, at how Theo supported his brother to be a painter and you want to do the same to him. You hope that explains your true intention to him.
You look at him with wistful eyes as you keep leaning close to him until your forehead meets his, "let me be your Theo, mmh?" You beg once again.
It's probably the pride in him that makes him hesitate to answer your question and you know you've been so selfish about it, doing things without thinking about what he feels about it.
You know better now and even if he says no, you'll try to respect his decision.
Hyunjin holds your chin in his hand and brings your face close so he can kiss you, softly and tenderly like he's kissing a fragile thing.
"What did I do to deserve you?" He asks.
Honestly, you have no answer to that because you've been asking the same question yourself. What did you do to deserve him?
"Is that a yes?" You ask with squinted eyes at him.
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, when he opens them again, he flashes you a warm smile that makes you all fuzzy inside.
"Yes," he answers.
You throw your arms around him and hug him tight, especially knowing that it's hard for him to put his pride aside, letting you take care of him.
"Just so we're clear if someday you sold a painting and I know you will," you playfully remark, "I'll make you spend it all on me!"
Hyunjin takes a second to process your words and nods, "Okay, deal!"
It may seem like you're the only one helping him but that's because of how oblivious he is to the fact that he helped you discover a lot of things that you didn't know you have in you.
For example, you didn't know you can love this person this much until you met this beautiful boy, Hyunjin.
-
You're proud of the progress you both made in your relationship.
At the same time, you grow into someone who knows how to rely on someone. You're so used to doing things yourself and now, you trust Hyunjin to do things for you.
Apart from the fact he wants to take care of you, he wants to do his part because you're the one who provides for both of you. He prepares food, cleans the house, and sometimes drives you to work when you don't feel like taking your car.
When he's not taking care of you, Hyunjin paints in his little studio. He's stuck in his slump still but nothing good ever comes out of force, so you try to not pressure him, encourage him, and give him all the support he needed.
Hyunjin looks a little dejected when you have to go to work and you console him with a long kiss on his lips.
"I'll be waiting for you," he says.
You shake your head and pout, "no, you should rest!"
But you know he would ignore your words again and again. You'll find him waiting for you with the door open and greeting you with that warm smile on his face.
Coming home feels so good when you know you have someone waiting for you with open arms. You go right into his arms and let him embrace you in a tight, warm hug.
"Welcome home!" He murmurs against the top of your head.
You tip your head upward and meet his eyes, feeling so loved under his loving gaze. Slowly, you press a kiss on his lips which he eagerly returns with the same longing feeling in it.
And it's so easy to forget about everything else when you're with him, maybe what people said is right that the world is built two, it's you and him.
He lets go of the kiss with a slow caress on your cheek, "Your dinner is ready," he says, then takes your bag from you as he pulls you with him inside.
This is pretty much what he always does every night whenever you come home from work. Food is ready on the table and he'll keep you company, talking about work and his paintings. Then the tub is already filled with warm water and he'll bathe you with his hands to wash the night off of you, touching you in the places that will make you flutter inside.
"All mine," he sighs whenever he takes the sight of your body with his small, soft eyes.
There's nothing fake about everything he said to you, people would think he's corny or cringe, but not for you. That's just who he is, pure and genuine, not a speck of pretense in him.
The way he tries to please you with his mouth deep in between your legs shows how much he admires you and that makes you love yourself more.
"You can rest now, sweet baby," he says to you after you cum against his mouth.
Not without you returning the favor first and showing him how much you love him. That will not be a problem when you have his naked body under you, slowly you lower yourself on his length until you take all of him.
He feels perfect inside you, you can't help but grin in satisfaction. You slowly open your eyes and look at him to say, "my happy place."
Hyunjin's eyes are wide open and heavy with lust, there's this look on his face that's somewhat fierce and heavily sensual. You enjoy ruining that calm on his face as you start rolling your lips in circular motions and feeling his whole length inside you.
"Oh..." you lowly moan, "have you always been this big, baby?"
You know he's losing his cool when his fingers start to dig into your flesh and his mouth parts open to let out quiet grunts.
He licks his lips before speaking, "but you're riding me so well, my love," he says to you.
You slyly smile in response and start moving at a steady pace. You can feel his cock engorging inside you and that only means you're going the right way.
Hyunjin let out a low breath, "my little cowgirl, aren't you?"
A low laugh falls out of your mouth hearing his playful praise at you. You take his hands to fondle your breasts together with him as the bed starts rocking along with the movements you make on top of him.
You have so much to show him but the exhaustion of the day is slowly taking over you, "Hyunjin..."
He hums in response to your call, "yes, love?"
From the heavy breathing and your sloppy pace, he senses that you're getting tired to keep going, "want me to finish it for you, mmh?"
You nod and let him turn you over on the bed, you lay on the bed while he starts thrusting into you from the top. You hook your legs around his small waist and clung to his shoulders.
"Oh, my God!" You gasp as he goes deeper than before.
He thrusts slowly in the beginning and starts to add speed as he goes, doing it while checking on you and eyes boring into you.
"You make me feel so good," you breathlessly say with his face hovering only inches away from yours.
You slip your hand into his dark locks and look into his eyes, "want you to cum, want you to fill me up," you say.
If you can't show him through action then you can still show him your love through your words. It's a good thing that you know Hyunjin likes it when you call his name.
"Hyunjin, please..." you softly sigh between your moans.
He takes your hand and laced it together with his, his forehead pressing on yours as he continuously moves.
"Please, Hyunjin, give it to me!" You desperately beg as he goes harder and deeper inside you.
You're getting so close yet he's not slowing down and you want to keep him going, so you beg once more.
"Please, please, Hyunjin..." you plead in your hoarse voice.
And that sends him into overdrive, he doesn't stop until you both cum. Hyunjin collapses on top of you without pulling out and places wet kisses on your face.
His hands place affectionate caresses on your body as he keeps kissing you, he then brings his mouth close to your ear to whisper, "I love you."
It's a little bit funny that the two of you are so used to showing your love through actions but now, after you both said those three words to each other, you say it at every chance you get but never in vain.
When you say it, you say it all with your heart, "I love you," you say back and you feel it, your heart aches because of how much you meant those words.
-
When you're not on the floor, you're taking a break in the back room, if not to have some snack or drinks, you sit by the vanity to fix your make-up.
The night is still young therefore there are not much of people in the club yet.
However, you get called by one of the eldest working dancers in here, "a handsome guy is asking for you," she says.
Handsome doesn't always mean good, handsome can be many things. What you need is not handsome, what you need is a man who wants a good time and the money for it.
"Oh, lucky me!" You half-heartedly say while fixing the hairpin to secure your wig in place.
"He's asking by your name," she adds, leaning against the table while drinking water from a bottle with a straw.
You raise an eyebrow at her, "Yeah?
She swallows her drink and continues speaking, "he came up to me and said looking for a Vesper."
That's a rare occasion, you have regulars coming to the club but the other dancers know them too. Your friend doesn't recognize him as one of them makes you wonder who he is.
She leads you around the club to where the guy is waiting for you, in one of the booths by the corner of the club. She comes up to him, then says, "is this the Vesper you're looking for?"
You go ahead and show yourself to him. Your heart starts to race out of nowhere when you look at him, you recognize the eyes and those lips right away.
It's him, it's Hyunjin and he's here at the strip club.
He probably can't recognize you with your blonde wig on and the heavy makeup you put on your face, yet he warmly smiles at you like he always does at you.
"Yes," he answers.
"Have fun, cutie!" Your friend says to him.
"Thank you," Hyunjin mutters back and hands her a bill on her way back.
Now that's just the two of you, you feel inexplicably happy to see him here. You even forgot that he's seeing how you looked when you're working, in something that leaves so little to the imagination.
You remember him saying he doesn't like that everyone can see your body other than him. But it seems like he likes what he's seeing from the way his eyes widen in awe.
You take a stand in front of him so he can take a better look at you, "I heard you're looking for me?"
Hyunjin is too busy looking at you to provide a verbal answer, his eyes are traveling down every inch of your body. He can only nod in response.
You bend down to look at him and lean in close, you put a hand close to your ear to make him speak, "what's that?"
"Y-yes," he stutters.
Oh, you just know you're going to enjoy this. You hold yourself back from smiling and ask, "you're asking for a lap dance?"
He suddenly gets a little confused and his hands grope around his body to search for something. He pulls out a big stack of money from his jacket pocket.
"Yes, please!" He answers.
You take a step closer, standing between his legs, and say, "put it anywhere you like," you say.
Hyunjin looks up at you, probably confused with what you're saying until he sees what the other guy in the room does to tip the dancer.
He folds a bill, then slips it on the elastic band of your underwear. When it's other people doing it, you wouldn't feel a tingling feeling inside you when his fingers brush your skin.
"Now, relax and enjoy," you tell him and without warning, sit down on his lap.
You start by slowly moving your body to the slow tempo of the music playing in the club, rolling your body to create friction between your bodies.
You wouldn't pass the chance to tease him so you place your hands on his knees and rubs his crotch with your ass, "is this your first time at the strip club?"
It's not fair to ask him at the same time you're grinding on his lap, but that's the fun of it. It takes him a good minute to answer such a simple question, "yes."
"Why?" You start moving in circular motions.
"Uh... that's because I have a girlfriend," he answers with a low sigh in the middle.
You leer over your shoulder and bat your eyelashes at him, "you can come to a strip club even though you have a girlfriend," you say.
He shakes his head with eyes closed, "my girlfriend, she's uh... everything."
Getting nervous, he takes a second to sip his drink before continuing to speak, "she's beautiful and smart and..." he sucks air through his teeth, "sexy."
He swallows air to continue talking, "She's very lovely, very nice, anything I asked for in a girl."
He then looks into your eyes as he concludes his talk, "I'm a lucky man."
It's so hard to contain your happiness but you focus on moving your hips back and forth on his lap while lowly giggling, "but then why are you here?"
He's about to speak when you recline against his chest, looping your hand around his neck as you make waves with your body.
You look up through your lashes at him, "If your girlfriend is so great, why are you here?"
Hyunjin is close to losing it as his breath becomes heavy and he keeps swallowing air, his hand flew to your stomach which you immediately put away from you.
You click your tongue at him, "touching is not allowed!" You warn him.
He puts both his hands up and places them on his sides and watches you continue moving. He decides to pick up your question and answer it, "I'm celebrating something tonight."
You get a little anxious thinking if you missed something today. His birthday is still months away and so is yours, you just had your anniversary a week ago. What else? What is he celebrating?
"Yeah?" You ask and try to make it sound coy.
Hyunjin only nods which makes you even more anxious inside.
You get up from his lap and slowly shake your ass right in front of him to distract him a little, "what are you celebrating?"
It takes him a moment to steer himself back into the conversation. He clears his throat and answers, "I sold one of my paintings just now."
That makes you turn around in front of him, a bit surprised that he will drop the news here of all places. You drop to your knees with your head between his legs and your hands resting on his thighs.
"Have you told her?" You tease with a sly smile.
He shakes his head.
"Will your girlfriend be jealous that I received the news first before her?"
He shakes his head again then looks down at you, staring straight into your eyes, he says, "She's the most understanding person I know, she provided for me the whole time I'm struggling as a painter so I'm sure she'll be okay with me celebrating it with a lap dance."
You slide your hands up his thighs close enough to where he wanted you the most but instead of keeping going, you slap his thighs hard so that a low gasp falls out of his mouth.
You decide to abruptly stop dancing and stand in front of him again, "Well, you just sold a painting, you must have a lot more to share with me," you say with a flirty pout.
Hyunjin fumbles to take a few bills and slips them again into the elastic bands of your underwear, shuddering at how his cold fingers feel against your skin.
He's nervous still and that's just so cute, makes you want to tease him more.
You place your hands on his chest and lower yourself down on his lap facing him, you smile at him then whisper right into his ear, "for that, you deserve a special lap dance."
It's special because you get a little personal with it, you tease him more than you let yourself on to other people. You like seeing his restrained expression and the way he grips the velvet seats to hold the urge to touch you.
He generously tips you, slipping money anywhere he likes for every little thing you do. The next thing you know, he's enjoying himself with his body slumped on the seat, watching you endlessly teasing him despite knowing the bulge growing under you.
He slips a thick bill inside your stocking and places his hand for a second on your thigh because it's him, you allow him that or even more.
"Are you sure your girlfriend will be okay with you spending so much money on a lap dance?"
He takes a sip of his long-forgotten drink and gasps as he drains it, "didn't you tell me to relax and enjoy?" He asks back with a lopsided grin.
Oh, if only he knew that the only reason you asked him that is that every time he slips money on you, you're getting so aroused.
You tip your head until all of your hair falls to one side and seductively smile at him, "that's right," you agree with him
"Just relax... and enjoy..." you say in a low voice that it's almost a whisper.
You put your hands on your chest and start touching yourself in front of him, you watch as his eyes dilated and turn dark, heavy with so much lust in them.
You lean in close and touch his face with the tip of your nose. You're supposed to tease him but you're also having a hard time trying not to kiss him, not when his lips are puckering red and wet from him keeps licking them.
You pull away just enough to look into his eyes to say, "I'll make sure you have the time of your life."
And he'll not be the only one having the time of his life because you like being his dirty, dirty stripper.
-
It's like walking with springs on your feet and you feel like flying into his arms the second you see him has been waiting for you at the door.
"I told you, I told you!" You repeatedly say to him as he catches you into
You're happy because not only he finally sold his painting, it proves that he was wrong to think of himself as a failure. You're relieved to know that he will stop thinking so much and holding himself back in fear of failure, he'll start painting without having to carry that weight in his chest anymore.
"Thank you for believing in me," he sincerely says.
He shouldn't seek it because you have been since day one but glad that he can finally believe in himself again.
"Thank you for not giving up on yourself," you say back and you get teary from saying it.
The moment he takes you inside, he pins you against the wall and kisses you so hard with your hands pinned above your head.
It doesn't take a genius to know that he wants you, he craves you, and he is needy for you.
You're just as impatient but you cannot continue without getting rid of the smell clung to you, "I need to take shower first," you tell him.
The usual bath you both take has been replaced by a quick hot shower with him lathering a bar of soap all over you and gently washing your skin only to lather it with his lips next.
When he finally has you on the bed, you can see the triumph and relief in his eyes that tells how happy he is to have you back to be only his.
"Just lay back and enjoy," he says.
You smile because he tells you the same thing you said to him earlier but you obey his words, you lay back with your head comfortably resting on the pillow.
But it seems like he's taking his turn to tease you tonight.
That's not a hard task to do, he knows what to do with his mouth, his lips, his hands, and his fingers. Worse is he knows where to touch you places that you like.
You're drenched in no time and he's not showing any signs of giving it to you easily. He keeps teasing your entrance with the tip of his cock while you keep arching your back, asking for it.
What can you do? Your body can't lie. It wants what it wants.
"Want it that bad?" He asks with a naughty smile.
"So bad," you bluntly answer because there's no use in lying when your essence is dripping and seeping into the bedsheet as you speak.
He seems to be satisfied with your answer and caresses the side of your face, "what my angel wants, she should get it, mmh?"
You eagerly nod at his words.
Hyunjin is doing a good job concealing his desire but when he enters you, the calm on his face starts to shatter. His mouth parts open and a loud groan spills out of it.
You get so aroused just from seeing how he's almost losing it just from going inside you.
Hyunjin stays still the second his cock is buried to the hilt inside you, he takes time to admire your body with his hands. He takes your ample flesh in his hands and watches it molds into his hands.
"All mine..." he sighs.
He lowers his mouth on you and sticks his tongue into your open mouth, tasting you and tugging your lower lip as he pulls away.
"You're mine..." he sighs again, "all mine."
You smile at him and say back to him, "all yours."
He softly smiles with his eyes forming two crescent moons then places a kiss that is the opposite of the one he previously gave you, this one is chaste and gentle.
"My love..." he sighs against your lips.
You kiss him back then repeat his words, "my love."
It's overwhelming whenever you think of what he means to you, he's everything you asked for in a man. He's beautiful and kind, he's just as flawed as you but perfect, nonetheless.
Hyunjin kissed you for a long time until you both ran out of breath, his eyes locked in a gaze with you and it's hard to look back into his eyes without holding your breathe.
Someone like him can't exist but then what he says next makes it even more impossible for him to be real.
"I love you."
And you let out the breath you didn't know you'd been holding, shaking your heart that is full to the brim with so much love and happiness.
"I love you," saying it back to him hurts so good. Every night, you've been praying and praying, and here he is, the answer to your night prayer.
-
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Angst
Finish the mission, complete the objective.
Echo's mind had been altered. Had been tainted.
He looked at his brothers- at his family, and he did not see what he used to. All he saw were targets. All he knew was their weakness, their soft parts, waiting for exploitation.
Finish the mission, complete the objective.
Echo wasn't safe. Not around them. Everytime he saw Rex, the man who had watched him grow from a shiny to an ARC, he saw his blood painting his hands, heard the whispers of wishes that weren't his.
He wanted to hurt someone. He needed to hurt them all. He missed Fives. He had forgotten what his twin had sounded like.
Instead of finding peace in the return of what was once his favourite sound, now he vividly imagined his screams as he drempt of murdering his family for a mission that wasn't his. A goal he fruitlessly struggled to stop.
Finish the mission, complete the objective.
He thought, with his new squad, he would be better. That the itching urge would stop, that he would finally rest.
Echo wasn't sure where the idea came from, wasn't sure why he thought they were any safer. No one was safe, not with Echo.
Finish the mission, complete the objective.
Echo had no idea when he had ended up standing over the first filled bunk. He stared down at the lump of blankets, hand twitching, reaching out.
Finish the mission, complete the objective.
His hand gripped something warm, something soft. An unarmed, foolish trooper. Just another number, just another obstacle.
Just another gentle soul fighting the war they didn't understand.
Finish the mission, complete the objective.
"Echo?" The voice jarred him, rattled something inside his chest. Brown eyes, not unlike his own, yet so distinctively unique, blinked tiredly up at him. "Did you need something?"
Yes, Echo waited to say. He squeezed his hand instead.
A wince. "I'm awake," The voice is his, but it isn't- it's young, it's tired. Much like Echo. "You don't need to–... did you have a bad dream?"
Now that- that caught Echo by surprise. Mostly because soldiers of the Republic do not ask other soldier if they're troubled by childish, silly dreams. They didn't reach out to talk, that was ridiculous.
He found himself struck by the softness of the question.
His breath stuttered. Finish the mission, complete the objective. His head screams at him.
His hand was grasped. "I understand," The tone is matter-of-factly, nothing like his own. "You will be troubled for a while, after all. Do you need anything?"
Echo needs to finish his mission, before his brain exploded from the pressure.
How can he? How could he imagine to accomplish such cruelty when the body shifts, so alive and so real, to accommodate him?
"I am not Wrecker," The voice nearly sounded sheepish. "But I may be able to provide compensation through verbal distraction. Hunter says I'm good at that."
Echo squeezed again, pitching forward. The voice hitches in discomfort.
"Echo," The voice is so close, the objective so simple to complete. He's right there. "You're- your grip is too tight."
The words are spoken so softly, like they don't want to make Echo feel guilt.
Nothing else seems to want to course through him, because what is he doing? How could he stand there and continue to grip the arm of this soldier, who so readily offered him comfort from a horror he willingly let in—
Finish the mission, complete the objective. Finish the mission, complete the objective. Finish the mission, complete the objective. Finish the mission, complete the ob—
Another hitch. "Echo," The voice warned again. "That hurts. Please let me go."
Echo cannot hear beyond the ringing in his ear, gripping the soldier like his life depended on it. It felt like it did.
Finish the mission, complete the objective. Finish the mission, complete the objective. Finish the mission, complete— Finish the— the objective.
What is his objective? What is his mission?
He blinked. He can see a small, red light brightening the space just enough to reveal the face of who he's holding so tight.
The face is still round with youth. As were the other faces he had grown attached to during his recovery. This was the face of a vod'ika.
His vod'ika. He didn't want to hurt him. He didn't want to hurt any of them.
He focused all his attention on the face that had twisted in pain. Why is he in pain? Echo opened his mouth to ask.
He found where his hand still held fast, knuckles pale and fingernails sunk in. He tore his hand back, wincing as his fingers locked in protest and his vod'ika hissed in pain.
In pain. Pain Echo had caused.
Though, he does not look outright upset with Echo. Maybe a bit ruffled about his arm as he huffed at it. "Thank you," He spoke softly into the dark space, then, "Now- can I help?"
Help? No, no, it was Echo that needed to help him. That was his mission. That was his objective.
Help. Help his vod'ika, help his squad.
His tongue felt swollen in his mouth. His brother nodded in understanding, simply shifting to make more room. Room for Echo to scurry inside, room for Echo to comfortably press against the warmth of his side.
"I suppose it's just the knowledge of another close by that you need," Echo heard him say. "I can provide that easily. But- do try rest, you need it."
Sleep. Right, another mission Echo wasn't eager to complete. He found his hand grazing where he had just held his brother, not missing the wince from the other.
Finish the mission, complete the objective.
Echo wanted to kill him while he was distracted.
"I'm sorry for hurting you," He whispered instead.
He was spared no mind. "Don't worry about it," His brother sighed, a hint of fond amusement in his tone. "Wrecker also often forgets himself in the throws of his emotion. However, I am well adjusted. You did not hurt me that much."
This time went unsaid, in Echo's ruined mind.
He tugged his brother closer. "Good night, Echo." He smiled into his side, sighing as he felt his head quiet for just long enough to slip under.
"Night, vodiʻka," He murmured.
For once, Echo does not dream of death. He drempt of the comfort of company, of exploring the wide galaxy. He drempt of stars beyond their reach, and what they might hold.
He drempt, and hoped, for a future he could well and truly hold his brother close.
Uh....... yeah, sort of sad. From an AU where Echo loses his mind to the separatists and murder the bad batch. Except he hasn't killed anyone yet.
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traditional wake-up methods
Day Fifteen of Writemas/Birthday posts!
If you want to see the scheduled posts go here If you want to see more posts like this go here TW: None? Let me know if I've missed any!
♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡
It was rare that you and Kate were home at the same time in the morning and both had the day off. You finally decided to leave your perfect spot of warmth in the bed before you moved to find your wife, fully expecting her to be working even though she said she wouldn't.
After walking down the hall, you could see the bathroom door closed, with a small slice of light coming out from the bottom, making you smile as an idea popped into your head.
You slowly sneaked into the bathroom, and the loud water thankfully drowned out your arrival. Gently, you pulled off your clothes before pushing the shower curtain aside. Your wife was washing her hair, and she sighed and let out a small laugh.
Before you knew it, you felt the freezing water hit your back, making you scream and jump out of the shower.
"Why! Why is it freezing cold!" you yelled as you grabbed a towel. "Are you insane?" you added, your teeth chattering, the warmth you had from the bed completely gone.
"Cold showers are good for you," Kate said, trying not to laugh hysterically at you. She looked out of the partially open shower curtain, stifling a laugh as you scowled back at her, resembling a wet, unhappy cat.
You shook your head, water droplets flying, as you wrapped the towel around yourself with a dramatic huff. "Good for me? I was perfectly warm before someone decided to turn this into an Arctic expedition."
Kate chuckled, her shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter. "Come on, it's invigorating. Builds character."
You shot her a playful glare, the mock seriousness making her laugh even harder. "Character? I've got plenty of character. What I need right now is a hot shower."
"Well, you're already wet, so half the battle is won," Kate quipped, unable to contain her amusement.
With a feigned sigh, you peeled off the damp towel and stepped back into the shower. The cold water hit you like a thousand tiny needles, and you couldn't help but yelp again.
Kate leaned against the bathroom counter, thoroughly entertained. "You know, I read somewhere that cold showers improve circulation."
"You read too much," you muttered, enduring the chill as you quickly washed off. "And I'm pretty sure warm hugs improve circulation too. Ever consider that?"
Kate smirked, an impish glint in her eyes. "Well, you got a point. Warm hugs can be quite effective."
You finished your chilly shower in record time, all the while shooting Kate mock glares. Stepping out, you grabbed another towel, wrapping it around yourself with a theatrical shiver.
"Next time, warn a person before turning the shower into the Arctic Circle," you declared, earning a laugh from Kate as she handed you a warm, fluffy towel.
"You're the one who joined my shower I remind you," she teased.
You playfully rolled your eyes. "Ah, technicalities. I thought I'd surprise you with my presence, not get a wake-up call from the Ice Age."
Kate grinned, unabashedly enjoying your antics. "Well, now you're wide awake and full of vigor. Mission accomplished."
You pretended to consider this, holding a hand to your chin in mock contemplation. "I suppose I can't argue with that. Now, can we move on to more traditional wake-up methods? Like coffee?"
Kate nodded, finally relenting. "Fair enough. I'll make the coffee if you promise not to sabotage the thermostat."
♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡
If you want to see the scheduled posts go here If you want to see more posts like this go here
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MADARA SQUAD PODCAST ~Episode #1
Hey y'all !
Since the 24th of November, our server discord Madara Squad discord is one years old🎂.
Born from the chaotic warring social media of tumblr, our goal was originally to unit the fandom of those who love Madara from the canon : mission accomplished with flying colours! We did it through many live events :
the Creative Club every week religiously for the last 10 months those endless chit chat gave birth to many fanfics, OC, headcanons, japaneses history classes, drawings, helped finishing homeworks, kept people awake until morning,
japanese Film/Anime reaction live,
Astrology VC
Naruto Video Games session in VC
board games VC
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having the biggest database of the Uchiha fanart all sources to their original authors!
having the only Madarapedia : sources the best meta from the Narutoverse
and the cherry on the top : the summer Uchiha Week 2023 where we were the PIONEERS in coding from scratch a character AI of Madara bot for this event.
And if you think we have done enough? Oh boy you're not ready for what's coming this december! 😈
Our community reunites fanfic writers, artists, analysts, debaters, fighters, wifeys but always warm and kind to each other. And we thank you squaddies for making this happened, helping each other and inspiring each other. And it's with a lot of proud that we are announcing a new expansion : The Madara Squad Podcast.
Our smooth voices will continue to debate endlessly about our General-in-Chief, the Uchiha clan but also all the cast from the Narutoverse and why not comparing with others mangas because after all sky is the limit!
Let's start with our first podcast on the Minato one shot released by the sensei Masashi Kishimoto in July 2023.
Follow us on youtube, thumbs up in our videos, leave us a comment if you like our content, and share this post!
Created with love by @margretescrimsonatelier and @al-hekima-madara-blog
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there'd be so much intimacy and care in levi helping you to fix your sleep schedule. not in a sexual way, but just the tenderness of how he'd make it his life's mission to help you sleep at a decent time, particularly having had enough of seeing your heavy, tired eyes and seeing how frustrated you get when you feel you haven't accomplished much in the day due to sleeping in late (due to going to bed so, so late). he'd lie awake next to you, on his side, even if he was nowhere near sleep ready.
//nightmares (disturbing descriptions+sleep paralysis), insomnia, PTSD symptoms
After a particularly horrific mission, you begin to get restless, awake long into the night and drowsy in the morning. Your eyes develop a tired weight to them; kissing you awake like he routinely does (because Levi is always up first) isn't effective; he has to drag you out of bed in the mornings; and he notices the way you carry yourself during the day is listless and sluggish. You try to hide your yawns, but it's impossible to hide anything from Levi.
Even when you do sleep, he notices due to his chronic lack of it himself how what should be a calm, peaceful expression is again and again replaced by a stressed pinch in your brow, and how you toss and turn. He's there to witness as you anxiously bustle around in what becomes early afternoon because you're late in getting done what you want to. Levi prefers to let you sleep in if you have the option, but he hates seeing you like this.
At first, although you don’t say it, he can tell by the way you get busier long past sunset that you’re staving sleep off. Not for any logical reason he can see.
It’s normal for sleep to be unreachable after weeks of adrenaline and blood, but this mission went worse than the average, because at the brink of dawn, there was apparently enough light for at least two Titans to “wake up”. The temporary camp under the trees was attacked, and the death toll was devastating. No one except Levi was totally prepared for something like that to happen.
You're distressed, and he of course can't let that go on.
So it becomes his mission to get you to sleep sooner rather than later, and fix your sleeping schedule.
Since Levi has trouble all the time being able to sleep, over time he's been given many tips and tricks (mostly against his will) by those who notice and for once can't help but notice how bad he sleeps because it's written all over his face.
And so he does these things for you in hopes it helps, shocked that he found a use for them. It's such a minor issue to you, you feel guilty even though he's taking it upon himself to help. But he doesn't compromise: "None of this shit works on me, anyway. Get back in bed, or I'm tying you to it."
And well you doubt he'd really do that, but it's the determined passion in his eyes that gets you to obey. He brews you chamomile tea with a drop of honey, allows you absolutely no sweets at least 3 hours before you lay down, and even teaches you a breathing method that should relax you. On one of your regular errands into town, he even stops by a place that sells incense. There are literally no lengths Levi won't go to.
And, it works eventually. First a few more nights pass as you each ease into the routine. For once, Levi is consistently wearing something besides his uniform to bed and laying down at a reasonable time as a side effect of his efforts. You insist that he doesn’t have to, but he can sense the tension leaving your frame as he lowers the flame in the lantern and takes you into his arms from behind.
“As long as you’ll have me,” he murmurs, “I will.”
When he’s snuggled up behind you, your hands not so much holding but lightly clasped in front of you, he traces random patterns over your knuckles and breathes slowly and deeply. Without you realizing, he can get you to do the same.
You whisper, “Thank you. I just… don’t know how long this’ll go on. I think that last expedition just messed me up. I don’t know.”
“It’s understandable that it did, sweetheart.” He squeezes your hand. “How long it lasts doesn’t make a difference to me.”
You squeeze his hand. Slowly, you recover, still not sleeping much. And lightly—too light to get any real rest. You both figure out that it comforts you to hold him, more. Levi’s small form cradled back against your front, your legs tangled and nosing the back of his head. It comforts you more to protect him—even though he doesn’t need protecting in reality—than to protect yourself. You sleep easier.
But when you’re eased into properly sleeping again is when the nightmares start. Before, you could at least wake up from a shallow dream with the distant feeling of horror and panic and none of the real terror, but it all comes back to you now. Not all of them are necessarily about that morning, but fear, any fear—losing your life, losing Levi, reaching for your blades to fight a nearing monster but you can never seem to grab them, or just black dreams of your comrades’ screams; dreams where the Titans are the size of insects that burrow under your skin. It’s just unimaginable.
Levi has perfect instincts. Everyone knows that. He finds himself blinking awake for no reason, only for a moment later to feel you jerk awake in his arms, gasping. You touch your face to make sure you’re awake as he closes in from behind, practicing what you always do when you catch him having a nightmare—softly hushing, reassuring that you’re awake now, whatever happened wasn’t real, or at least it’s over now.
You turn over and weep in his arms. He holds you tight, as if he could be a physical barrier between you and those dreams, as if he could hope to protect you from what simply isn’t there. Petting your hair, and smearing tears from your cheeks with his thumbs. “I’m here… I’m here now. Shh, sweetheart…”
But it isn’t just that one night. Suddenly he isn’t the one with rampant nightmares—you are. At the worst you wake up with a cry and sit straight up, clutching your chest half-believing you’re still dreaming; at best he touches your cheek when you start to whimper and you can doze off again not too long after.
However, there’s one thing even worse than any of that, which is the sleep paralysis. During these spells, you're fully conscious, but can do absolutely nothing to grab Levi’s attention, even if he’s awake, as what seems like a hallucination but is just a vivid dream puts you through a little more hell. That’s the worst.
Since there’s absolutely nothing Levi can do about that while it's happening, you don’t talk about it. Talking about the nightmares, at least, absolves the fear better than keeping them to yourself. Levi doesn’t dismiss you or even tell you that there’s no reason to be afraid—he validates you, because of course they're scary. He brings you tea when you can’t go back to sleep, and often you’ll go with him, so at the kitchen table he listens intently while you try to explain the nightmare. By the time you’re finished, he’s always holding your hand. He doesn’t know how to be comforting, or at least he wishes he was better at it, but he relates to the way you feel, even if he can get too logical at times when dreams are the exact opposite. He tries his best, which to him never feels like enough, but it means everything to you.
Every soldier in the Survey Corps has demons, nightmares, traumatic memories. It’s not possible to sleep soundly even most of the time, but it doesn’t stay bad forever, and even at its worst, you and him both have each other when you wake up. With time, though it's not linear, your sleep schedule goes back to normal, so you’re less groggy and up earlier. Levi can kiss your eyelids and watch them flutter when you wake up, and stroke your hair to lull you to sleep at night. He’s always there for you <3
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Her nap ended up being much longer than anticipated, and when she woke up from her bedroom window being forced open, it was already night. She didn't react until the person landed on the floor and another person began climbing in.
"...Hello...? Can I help you...?" It took a few seconds for her sleep-addled mind to recognise the intruders, but when she did she was suddenly very awake. "...Ah, Komaeda-kun? And... Kamukura-kun too? What are you doing here...? You ruined my nap..." She started to pout as she rubbed the drowsiness out of her eyes.
"Ah, my apologies. I didn't intent to wake you. I tried to be quiet, but of course I'd mess up something as simple as that. You may punish me however you see fit!"
"...Be my pillow then."
"...Huh? If... that's what you want, then sure! I'm afraid I might not be a very good one though... With how thin and bony I am, haha." He was clearly caught off guard, not expecting such a request. "Ah, but first, maybe I should explain why we're here, no?"
"I will do it. Go be a good pillow."
"...Well, alright. Anything you say, Kamukura-sama!" At Izuru's command, Nagito removed his shoes and climbed up into the bed. Chiaki moved so he could lay down and put her head on his chest when he did. The rest of her body laid across his torso and between his legs. "...Haaaaaaah. It's kinda hard to breathe..."
"Oh, sorry. Let me just..." Chiaki moved so her head was closer to his collarbone, and her torso was more off to the side than entirely on top of him "...Is that better?"
"...Yes, much better. But you really didn't need to move for someone like me, I'm sure this isn't as comfortable for you as your previous position."
"...Nah, it's fine. This is plenty comfortable for me. And I don't want you to suffer just because I want to lay on you." She patted his chest lightly in comfort. Before she could close her eyes and fall back asleep, Izuru made a noise to remind her of his presence. "How boring. You're already going back to sleep." Oh, that's right. He needs to explain what they're doing here... She rubbed her eyes to keep herself awake. "...Oh, right. You were supposed to explain why you're here. I was so caught up in sleeping on Komaeda-kun that I forgot..."
"...Ahaha, how cute. You could forget even something as important as that... I wonder if you have any self-preservation, Nanami-san. We could be here to kidnap you or kill you in your sleep and you'd hardly even react." Nagito seemed to almost whisper. "...In any case, let me begin explaining. We came here to provide some insider support in regards to your mission to 'save' the Remnants of Despair. An awfully predictable mission for you."
"Predictable isn't always bad, Kamukura-sama!"
"...But. With the few allies you have, this task will be impossible for you to achieve. I find it far too boring to simply let you die without accomplishing anything of note. If you die, nothing will change. Despair will continue to spread until the Future Foundation manages to bolster their forces enough to eradicate all traces of Junko Enoshima's influence. To prevent that outcome, we shall assist you."
Chiaki was stunned. Her mind was having difficulties processing all the information Izuru just told her. After a few seconds, she looked back to Nagito, hoping he could help her understand everything. "...Aha, it's a lot to take in, isn't it? I don't blame you for being confused. You'll understand it all in time. For now, all you need to understand is that we will help you safely retrieve our fellow Remnants of Despair. ...Ah, but it seems there's something Kamukura-sama forgot to mention!"
"...Which is?"
"Why we met you here, specifically! You see, the best way for us to assist you is to stay close to you. Of course, we cannot interact with you carelessly while in Future Foundation regulated areas, so we have normally been rather... limited in our capacity to help. Here, however? The only other Future Foundation members besides yourself are Makoto Naegi and Kyoko Kirigiri."
"...Kirigiri-san will definitely figure out you were here. She'll most likely tell Naegi-kun too."
"That is no cause for concern. Naegi will want to 'save' the Remnants as well, and Kirigiri will go along with him. As long as they are assured of our cooperation, there will be no issue." Kamukura-kun sounds so sure. Guess I shouldn't worry so much then. "...Ahaha, you're rather calm about all this, Nanami-san. I suppose us living here shouldn't be an issue then?"
"...Yeah, it should be fine. ...I'm gonna go back to sleep now. Feel free to join us, Kamukura-kun." With that, she fell back asleep, still laying on top of Nagito.
#i love pouty chiaki so much shes so cute#nagito would not be a very comfy pillow he is skin & bones#but chiaki doesnt care about that lolol#chiaki nanami#nagito komaeda#izuru kamukura#kamukomanami#komanami#<kamukoma & kamunami arent rlly shown here but they are included#remnant searcher chiaki au#danganronpa#super danganronpa 2#sdr2#danganronpa 3#dr3#art#my art#xanders art#xanders haunting art#digital art#fan art#fic#fanfic#fanfiction#oh i forgot#makoto naegi#kyoko kirigiri#< just mentioned tho
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So, I thought this was interesting -- Leon and Ashley's different reactions to reaching the end, even though their hearts are ultimately in the same place.
Leon closes his eyes and keeps them closed as the spray of seawater falls against his skin. It's like he's letting the water wash away the horror of it all. Ashley holds a hand out almost in an attempt to try to catch it, and she smiles wide and greets it with open eyes. They're both experiencing a feeling of relief, but their body language here says that Leon's relief is more internal and personal, whereas Ashley feels relief more in the sense of gratitude and with an appreciation for being alive in the world around her.
Then they both notice the sun rising on the horizon. Ashley's expression turns to dread and sorrow almost immediately, because even though she knows that the morning sun brings an end to the nightmare -- that also means that it's the end of her time together with Leon. She glances at him apprehensively, but his expression is hard to read. I actually have a bunch of different shots of this moment, and Leon's expression never changes. He stares at the sun almost in awe, like he can't believe that what he's seeing is real.
Ashley has already started to wake up and return to reality, but Leon is still sleepwalking through this Grimm's fairy tale. That's why the exchange of dialogue is:
Ashley: "Mission accomplished, right?" (So... I guess this means it's over, and I might never see you again.) Leon: "Mission accomplished... when you're home safe." (It's not over yet. We still have a little bit more time. We can worry about it then.)
But since Ashley's already half-awake, she poses the question of maybe artificially extending the dream by putting Leon on her security detail. Leon's immediate, probably unconscious reaction is to close his eyes and smile -- allowing himself the tiny indulgence of imagining, just for a second, how happy he'd be if only he could say yes.
But now it's his turn to start waking up.
"You don't need me." (Sherry needs me.) "You proved you can handle yourself." (I can't be in two places at once, so I need you to tell me that you don't need me... or even want me.) "Even if you could use a lesson in knife safety." (But let's not talk about this; I'm not ready to let go just yet.)
The ending is a see-sawing back and forth of who's being realistic vs who's being an idealistic dreamer -- because they both want what they both know they can't have: each other.
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Any soft Dedue perhaps ? Like maybe just the morning after with Byleth ? I crave stories for him and other faves of mine ☺️😭
(How about Papa Dedue taking care of the baby while you're off to a meeting? :'D )
It was another late night of meetings, go figure. Dedue assured you that he could handle the little one, so you needn’t worry about returning to your quarters until everything was taken care of.
It was a landmark council meeting, after all. The union of the former Adrestian Empire and its subjects was coming to a head, and if this talk went well, then Fodlan would finally be united, once more.
Your one trouble with going to this meeting so late was your son. He was still so new to the world, only a few weeks old, and you worried that leaving him without your care would be difficult for Dedue to handle.
He was busy enough as the captain of the Knights of Sothis. What would happen if he came home exhausted and had to care for the baby, too? Of course your husband dismissed this passionately. It was his son, after all; he would take care of him as long as he needed to in order for you to get your work done.
So with a lingering kiss goodnight, and the promise of a swift return, you left your dear son in the hands of your beloved knight.
He was more than happy to spend the time with his little one. The child was still so small, barely bigger than his father’s hand, and was asleep more often than not.
Dedue held his son while he read in bed, baby snoozing happily on his father’s broad chest.
It had been a peaceful night, as he thought. After all, he was an observant man. He knew full well how his child would act, he’d known him his whole life (three weeks).
Eventually though, Dedue felt the lull of sleep pulling at his own eyes, and knew it would still be a while yet before you returned to him.
“Come, son.” He carefully shifted out of bed, deftly moving to sit up and then from bed to the bassinet just a few feet away. “It’s time to go to sleep, for both of us.”
He rocked the baby a little while, humming a Duscurian lullaby softly. The rumble of his father’s voice soothed his son, guaranteeing a good night’s sleep for at least the first few hours.
Once the child was mumbling no more, Dedue swaddled him up in his blankets (knitted by the captain), and nestled him into his bed.
“Goodnight, little one. Papa will be here when you wake.”
Dedue beamed at the baby, his heart swelling with pride. How could one human being be so very perfect? It defied all logic and sense.
But his visage of perfection didn’t last long. Dedue barely took a step away from the crib when a sharp cry rang out.
He was wide awake, all of a sudden.
Brow furrowed, Dedue returned to his boy, finding him struggling in his blankets and his face scrunched and pink with distress.
“My, my...what’s happened?” He wondered aloud, quick to scoop up the child and bring him back to his chest.
He rubbed his son’s back soothingly, humming the lullaby again, waiting for the crying to subside. Little hands were clinging to his nightshirt, which was precious and meant the baby wanted to be nowhere but in his father’s arms.
Who was Dedue to deny him?
“There, now, no need to cry. You were sleeping so soundly, before. You mustn’t wake up so suddenly. What if Mama was here and you woke her up? She needs her rest too, son. Especially after tonight.”
All he received in response were muffled sobs, slowly giving way to sweeter mumblings. Dedue continued his comforting ministrations until the sounds came to a stop once more.
Convinced that he was asleep, for certain this time, Dedue returned to the bassinet. He held the baby to his chest as long as he could until he was completely leaned over the bedding, then settled the boy back in once more, making sure he was still warm and snug in his blankets.
His hand lingered on the baby’s chest, feeling the steady breathing of a child fast asleep.
Mission accomplished.
He straightened back up, turned to go back to bed, and-
Dedue cringed when a louder cry erupted from the bassinet. Now he was just confused. He quickly returned to the child’s side and scooped him back up; what was he so upset about? Going from sleeping so soundly with his father one moment, to angrily crying the next.
“What’s gotten into you?” He asked with a far gentler tone than he’d have used with anyone else. The baby was quieted quickly once more, put back to sleep...but this time, Dedue watched him.
He set him back down in the cradle, and leaned over its side, watching and waiting for the baby to cry out.
Sure enough, the second Dedue’s hand was off him, that boy was crying.
He was starting to piece together the culprit.
“Little one…” He lifted the baby once more, hugging him to his chest. “Could it be that you won’t sleep without me?”
Dedue warmed at the thought, though it did present a few issues. How was he to sleep if his child couldn’t without him?
He couldn’t very well fall asleep while holding the baby, and risk turning over or smothering him by accident.
You definitely wouldn’t let him live if such a thing happened.
But if his son wouldn’t sleep without him, then…
“Ah, perhaps this is what parental sacrifice is all about.” He smiled to himself, snuggling the baby close as he returned to bed. He sunk back into the pillows once more, drawing the blankets up to cover the baby properly, and warm himself back up.
“If it helps you sleep, darling...I will forgo rest for the night.”
Dedue kissed the top of his little head, relishing the child’s cuddling into him and seeking out that warmth only a parent could provide.
Sure enough, that baby boy was out like a light in no time.
It was a sight you never thought you’d see, coming into the bedroom and finding the candle sputtering, almost out, but illuminating your husband, dozing off in bed with a baby cradled in his arms and fast asleep.
You wished you could encapsulate that moment forever.
Dedue woke with a groggy noise when you gently lifted the baby from his arms. You resisted the urge to laugh; such a protective father.
“Go back to sleep, my love.” You whispered, kissing his cheek.
Dedue hummed, rubbing at his eyes. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep...it’s not safe for the baby.”
“You didn’t move a muscle, not to worry. He’s just fine.” You assured him, gently tucking the baby in to his bassinet once more.
“I tried to put him to bed a few times,” Dedue yawned, “But he would cry if I wasn’t holding him.”
“It takes a few tries, sometimes. I think he just loves his Papa so much he doesn’t want to leave you.”
“Ha.” Dedue blushed, touched by the mere thought.
“It’s late, dear. We both need to get some rest. He’ll be up in a few hours, anyways.”
“I’ll take the first watch.” He welcomed you into bed after you changed, resting his head atop yours. It was far more comforting to sleep with the warmth of someone he held dear, in his arms.
“You’re a wonderful father, Dedue. He’s lucky to have you.”
“I’m lucky to have both of you.” He murmured into your hair.
You fell into blissful sleep together, everyone sound and quiet in the Archbishop’s quarters. When you did end up waking again, it was a whopping six hours later (the most you’d slept in weeks), when Dedue informed you the baby was in need of a proper feeding.
Something that he was unable to provide, unfortunately.
#dedue#byleth#fe 16#fire emblem three houses#fe3h#bydue#dedue x byleth#fe fictions#fe-fictions#family fluff#f!byleth#fem!byleth#f!mu#baby fluff#dedue is the most attentive father ok#and so gentle because the baby is like#the size of his hand IF that
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Hiya! I was wondering if u could do the mercy prompt with Hent
MERCY - “I-I’m sorry. Everything I do is for you, but I messed up.”
I had a thought about like what if Hent found and captured the hero and take them back to his home. The hero wasn't able to escape on time which then lead to the hero failing their mission and the destruction of Zuwyth.
And I'm thinking like the hero seeing the Ruin taking over Zuwyth in horror while Hent tries to calm them down or just apologizing like crazy
– Warning: Yes, this is a yandere thing. Gender-neutral reader.
– Prompt: Mercy. “I-I’m sorry. Everything I do is for you, but I messed up.”
– Character: Hent.
– Note: I was not expecting Hent of all my ocs to be requested. I know a lot of people find him annoying, which is why I want to rewrite the uncompleted series he's in. But anyways, here's a piece I wrote that's not canon to the actual storyline. Kinda like a bad ending I guess.
When you awoke, it was chaos. Just like last time, it felt like you had fallen into a deep sleep. For a moment you feared you had fallen asleep for another century, as you jolted upright and scrambled out of the sheets you were wrapped in. When you peek past the opening of the tent, you could see you were high-up on a mountain and down below was absolute chaos. It gave you flashbacks to the last time, when those robotic creatures and monsters were running rampant in hordes and waves, their destruction so numerous that it made seas of fire and rubble that covered the dead. It might as well have been hell, because that was what it was. Why was this happening? Where were you? All you could recall is going unconscious just as the eccentric desert king encountered the eastern tribe’s chief that had pursued you for miles just to reunite with you.
“Ah, my hero! You’re finally awake!” The voice. The loud voice made you turn to glare at the one it came from, the very chief you were thinking of. The titan chief immediately embraced you tightly, breathing a sigh of relief as he exclaimed, “I was so worried! I didn’t know if you would wake up! You’ve been asleep for weeks, we even had to move you as… as… well…”
You looked back down at the disaster unfolding. There were far too many enemies to fight. Now you are beginning to recognize this area. The land was a part of Hent’s tribe, but it shouldn’t have been this chaotic. Your accomplishments here should’ve gotten rid of most monsters, you left when the area was relatively peaceful. A bit fearfully, you began to realize that the reason things may have been so chaotic now, was because you ran out of time. “Hent, what have you done…?”
“I-I’m sorry, I don’t know what I did… I thought I did right by bringing you back here, back to my homeland where it’s safe, I was doing it for you! But then things started getting hectic, so I ordered everyone to retreat up here––! I… I’m sorry, I messed up… but at least you're safe! I’ll keep you safe! I’ll cut down every single beast that comes near you! Everything will end up okay, I know it!”
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Almost Too Late
Luis sera x guard! reader
Gender neutral reader
Prompt: Being near your soulmate heals injuries.
Warnings: angst with slight fluff in the end, spoilers for resident evil 4, reader and Luis can be platonic or romantic
You knew it wasn't a good idea to split away from your boss and close friend, Luis and to join the blonde American agent in his mission. Yet, he insisted, claiming that he will be alright. Luis hasn't responded to your messages and now he's missing and you're stuck with the American agent- Leon Kennedy was his name, who you don't fully trust.
The pit in your gut grows more while you looked , causing a thick sense of dread to fill your nerves as you investigated the castle's upper floors. You knew that Luis wasn't doing well just from your gut feeling. It came almost naturally to have an hyper awareness of when Luis was in bodily danger.
A side of you knew that he's you're soulmate, yet you just wanted to accomplish your job of protecting the Spanish man from Saddler. Sometimes, you wondered if he knows about his personal bodyguard being his soulmate. You always quietly healed the minor cuts on his skin while he's focused on working in the lab.
Hearing your name being yelled from below, you quickly darted down towards the basement where the source of the yelling came from. You saw Luis lying on the ground, blood pouring out of his chest. Leon was busy chasing after Saddler in a attempt to fight back while you hurried your way towards Luis.
"Luis! Stay with me. I'll get you fixed. Just keep your eyes open"
Your voice showed the sense of decoration as your hands were quick to remove his shirt as he tried to stay awake. When your hands touched the wound, you could see his wound began to heal slowly, causing the bleeding to stop.
"You're.. You're my soulmate?"
Luis asked weakly as his eyes looked at the wound healing from your touch. Your blood stained hands stayed put as you were focused on trying to save your client's life.
"Luis, now is not the time to ask questions that you know the answers to. Now let me finish, boss."
The way you scolded him reminded him of how a parent would gently scold their child, causing him to smile as he continued to watch you heal him. The pain eases off as all there eas left as a small cut that needed stitches. You looped one of his arms around your shoulder as you walked him towards your car.
Luis was in deep thought as you buckled him im the passenger side. All of the times when he should have had cuts or burns when you were around was the fact that you were his soulmate and he was almost too late to realize.
"To answer your question earlier, I am your soulmate. I was surprised when you didn't notice how you were never injured whenever I was with you.. I didn't want to say anything that will cause a conflict of interest."
You were looking ahead, driving down the paved roads as you were focused on getting the both of you to safety. It was silent for a couple minutes as your dried bloodied hands gripped the wheel.
"I know this isn't a good time but maybe once I get patched up and to safety, would you like to go to dinner with me? As a thank you"
Luis asked in his normal flirty tone with a slight undertone of being in pain. Normally, you wouldn't accept the offer to mix business with pleasure, you decided to opt for the other option and say yes.
"I have a feeling that you will be needing me more now that your injured. I'll take your offer.
#queendeeshorrorimagines#luis sera imagines#re luis sera imagines#luis sera x reader#resident evil imagine#resident evil imagines#soulmate au oneshot#guard reader#dees sweet tea#gender neutral reader
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i know some of you are looking for an update re: my mix. it went pretty well the day of (only fucked up a little) but i didn't have that much fun--you can't be the dj and the host at the same time, and you can't escape from being the host if you're a woman apparently!! --but i feel like i really accomplished my mission. i am still kind of thinking about whether and how much i like a mix as a live mix, and i think the next step to explore is broadcasting online. SO sometime this month i would like to experiment with bedroom broadcast. something multimedia, maybe with the vibes of our old streams, maybe including some of atulya's videos. stay alert and i'll let you know and either way i will post the tracklist and ideally a way for you to listen, i will also try to record each set.
atulya's videos went crazy, and it was absolutely insane how well they coordinated just based on giving each other conceptual hints--there was a literal alice in wonderland montage WHILE I WAS PLAYING PSYCHEDELIC WALTONS FT ROISIN MURPHY - WONDERLAND ! i also used a projector to add images (eg mariah carey glitter 9/11 dot jpg) and used a 1985 word emulator to put up supplementary text. the prize of the night was that angelo, who has never in his life stayed awake past midnight, was a) extremely engaged because he is 40 years old and i made his life flash before his eyes and b) STAYED TIL 2:15!!!!! (you cannot understand what a huge social win this was. i'm fucking bobby fischer.)
i also immediately want a new deep dive music project--another of these to do. i want hardware!
#i would not like to be a dj but i would like to do this gimmick as performance#music#my rules only#2000#1999#2001
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@digenvez : She might have picked out this specific sweater just for him. Might have picked it specifically because it was very soft and warm and good to cuddle against when approaching Suguru out of the blue, taking only a second to wrap arms around his neck and pull him into a hug for him to relax a bit. [ ♡ weeee ]
To honor the fall in pursuit of new missions and folklore hunting Tokyo squad from Metropolitan Tech assembled march from campus in the sign of tripping! Their anchor - a cottage where the world feels less tacked, engulfed by woodland realm in the mountains. Geto mysteriously delayed beyond the river that divided the residence of students from Senseis by the fault of passionately conceived ideas and returned when there was nothing from the hearkened light of day. With three Pumpkin Spice lattes in his clutch, the reason was none of reaping profits, ( he merely discovered much to his surprise and bewilderment a store that sold gauges from real stones on his secret venture to scout early birthday surprises he could discover for Satoru and Shoko ). '' Sorry, I came back a bit later than planned, I discovered-- … '' The noises of cracking fireplace filled the room where a vintage tune played from the stereo. No alumni in the zone of sight, the room seemed empty so he safely assumed the rest of his companions and colleagues scattered somewhere - technically how could they not, there was a lot to explore around such a place of novelty, and students had to be wild crazy from rare tripping if not frightened by the fact they all had to awaken at deep night to track and seal rare apparitions for their mission. The scarf and outdoor shoes were first to come off, the coffee trio multitasking challenged tank by needle drop.
The Sorcerer medic before she’d been bowed and tired meanwhile slipped out of another room as soon as the other had entered; following intuitively node of interconnection. She could ambush him in rainy weather just as in warmest of sunny days. With interest that spanned far and wide, he observed her movements scooting closer. He caught a glimpse of her eyes like tones of earth and warmest tree barks looking at him with the force of nature and calmness of ponds and in addition to what is usual or strictly necessary something that brought his auto-pilot flight back from the brink.
" Oh, you're awake? Thought you went to take a quick nap since we are about to wake up late at night, either way, I brought us some coffee, '' he couldn't help but feel accomplished at the eye-welcoming shine and blink in surprise once spotting one fluffy sweater, " and it has been long since you used such crafty method on me. " A reason more to treasure sporadic over habitual that brings him highs of joy. Continually, in all kinds of ways he has to be able to stomach falling short of the mark, but there is a certain unique and strange delight when she is the one to confine him in the place of caught breath and solstice.
Behind her, the ensemble of fox-trotting flames from the hearth outlined her silhouette from shapen light-like planetary lodge kissed by lava, breeze that ventured over the window pane ajar raised and played with her hair much it would remind him a witch dancing by the fire. She found her victim, imprisoned him, and hypnotized during darkest dusk; with no chance to escape but to submit and obey her will (* and gladly). Her colors sit in his intuition, sweetening his backward eye. Always ready for a showdown she reminded him of caramel, strong and sensual browns magicked by dappled light, she could skin a bone without blinking an eye, an ever-morphing butcher of the dead, the glow of personality brought a vibrant warmth to his heart and soul. Inseparable from his own. Her fingerprints a surging medicine for mind texturing comfort, so avert from judging eye, unkind words, and frequent attempts to conceal mental pain, softening, reducing spellbinding marvel in their simplicity.
Better days are ahead for those who have put bitter ones behind. The language of her gesture resonates through the gaps and the core of his sentient being; reckoning to envisage their common relaxation. In the very midst of the desert, lucid invitation to live and to create binds itself around his neck. To feel and perceive her hues his arm concealed reverence for her virtues, returning the favor and retaining potency in tinge of lingering smile amid mutual embrace.
Shoko.
It is impossible — but end me if I'll ever stop holding you like this; pierce my heart with a scalpel if I'll ever deserve it.
#digenvez#!Shoko#Muse: Geto#反応‚ㅤ╱ 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐔 𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐎 reacted.#VERSE (𝐈𝐕.) : ⑆ㅤㅤㅤspilled ink under a tray of opium and blackberries.#{ I like how certain elements contribute to Shoko's wholesomeness somehow casting a certain spell at him s_s hmm mmmm. }#{ AND LISTEN this is a also my headcanon leak at once about how Geto perceives Shoko!! Her color palette her resonance ...... }#{ I stopped counting by now the amount of drabbles but hope you'll enjoy one more to the stock. Have sensei Geto. <3 }
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hi :) - 9.19.23
Hello, my name is Presley. I am 20 years old, and I am currently in my first semester of law school.
I am also extremely mentally ill. I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression in the 9th grade, having dealt with suicidal ideation since the 5th grade. I am a suicide attempt survivor, and I have been on mood stabilizers ever since. I was also diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago.
Due to my mental health issues, life hasn't been particularly easy for me, especially when it comes to basic life skills like time management and the ability to accomplish basic tasks.
I finished at the top of my class in high school and kept a high gpa in undergrad simply because I am smart, not because I applied myself and worked super hard. I am a terrible procrastinator. My brain can only start working on something if there is an impending deadline, and even then I still struggle to do it.
As you might have already inferred, those habits don't fly in law school. In law school, you have one exam at the end of the semester worth 100% of your grade, built on ALL the material you learned throughout the semester (and you learn A LOT of material in law school). There is no way to cram right before your exam. You must manage your time wisely throughout the semester to stay on top of your work and ensure you have a good handling on the material before you move on.
I am currently struggling to do just that. I am six weeks in, and I am massively behind. Executive dysfunction is very real and it is crippling. I struggle with simply starting a task, and finishing it is a completely different beast.
My brain loves to hyperfixate on things, and 9/10 it is not the thing I need to be focused on. As a result, I will have a laundry list of things I need to do, but find myself unable to do them because I am only focused on that one thing.
However, my brain also says that I must get everything on my to-do list done before I can call it a night. Therefore, I will lose sleep and STILL not get anything done. I was recently awake for almost 48 hours because I told myself that I couldn't sleep until I checked off everything on my to-do list. By the time I finally gave in to exhaustion, I had yet to do anything on it.
It is also extremely difficult for me currently to perform even basic life functions. I've already missed several classes because I simply couldn't find the energy to get out of bed. When I do, I feel like I've run a marathon before I even walk out the door just from waking up and getting dressed. By the time I get out of class, all my energy has disappeared. It takes everything in me just to feed myself at least once a day (and I usually love to eat). When it comes time for me to do work, I am absolutely drained, and my work seems so overwhelming and unapproachable.
All of these things have caused me to be extremely behind on school work, and that is a difficult thing to sit with. Especially when you need to do well because you still have to graduate undergrad, and you have scholarships you need to keep.
It also doesn't help when everyone else around you seems to be well prepared and fighting for the top spot. It makes you begin to wonder if you're even cut out for it, even though this is something you want more than anything else in your life.
Please don't worry about me though. This isn't my first rodeo. I've been dealing with these issues for the past 8 years, it's just that the stakes are much higher right now. I am in therapy, I am taking my medicine, and I have a wonderful support system of family and friends. After everything I've been through, I believe in myself enough to say that I will make it out on the other side, and I will finish this semester strong. I'm just going through a rough patch :)
I am simply here because I would be writing these things down in my personal, private journal anyway, but I want to share them in hopes that they reach someone who needs them. I've made it my mission since I was finally diagnosed in the 9th grade to help break the stigma around mental illness and mental health issues. I want people like me to know that they are not alone in this, because I want to know the same. I also want them to know that feeling these feelings is nothing to be ashamed of and that it's okay to ask for help, because I would be six feet under right now if I had never realized that and gotten the help that I needed.
If you're going through some tough times, just know that I'm sending so much love your way and that I believe in you. You're doing awesome with the hand you were dealt! <3
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Me:
Also me but from today:
#mental health#mental illness#law school#law student#wellbeing#self care#journal entry#blog#adhd brain#anime#fanfic#hyperfixation#brainrot#mental health matters
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