#like you think because of his trauma it deems his actions excusable

[sinnbaddie]

While I get the sentiment of not trusting haters, I can’t trust splinter fans who absolutely adore him.

Yeah we can acknowledge he was a young adult who ended up in a very obscure and difficult situation, we can also acknowledge that doesn’t excuse his neglect and unavailability with his own children.

“Oh but splinter went through this!” or “splinter had to deal with that!” cool, I don’t give a crap I wouldn’t have left children - mutated turtles or otherwise - trying to figure out who they are, how to live, if they’re even worthy of love or if they even belong alone, but hey that’s just me!

[badaziraphaletakes]

Ok ok last one i promise. But there’s one aspect of the Good Omens fan base that has always bugged me, and I hope i’ll be able to put it into words here:

I think some people have unfairly deemed Crowley as the “more queer” one because he acts more flamboyantly/fluidly/ more like stereotypical depictions of queer people. And don’t get me wrong, i absolutely LOVE seeing content where crowley’s gender or pronouns are ambiguous, or stuff that features she/her Crowley. But i do ✨not✨ like it when Aziraphale isn’t offered that same kind of fluidity.

Both of them are genderless beings, but because Aziraphale doesn’t fit some peoples’ standards for what a queer person is supposed to be like, I almost never see content where her gender/corporation-presenting is explored the way Crowley’s often is. And i just wish people would expand their definition of what being a queer/fluid/genderqueer person looks like.

Part of me also thinks that this is why fans pity Crowley much easier than they do Aziraphale: because people look at his trauma and see that he was officially rejected by religion and so that makes his journey more evocative of a typical story where a queer person is denounced by the church. And we excuse his actions because of that. But then you take a look at Aziraphale, who’s relationship with Heaven is more complex ‼️BUT JUST AS TRAUMATIZING‼️ than your average story, so he doesn’t get the same kind of compassion. in the end i think Crowley’s trauma is easier to process and see as a viewer, and so people trick themselves into thinking he is deserving of more forgiveness than Aziraphale is, which isn’t remotely fair because trauma looks different for everybody.

10/10. I have NO NOTES.

[cocogum]

So I woke up today and chose to cry cuz omg Amalia’s life is shit compared to her friends:

1) Her dad, the only one in her family who let her out to go adventuring and live a free life for a temporary time, is dying and is highly likely that he’ll die in season 4. (Season 3-4)

2) Armand keeps judging her every action and doesn’t take her seriously. (Seasons 1-2-manga-OVAS-season 3)

3) Aurora and Armand keep trying to marry her off by making her interact with princes from other kingdoms. (Season 3)

4) Amalia can’t even talk about anything else other than politics with her family, so she now wants to eat in her room. Alone. (Season 3)

5) Yugo clearly said that he puts his and Amalia’s relationship to the back burner because he has other more important things to worry about, making her think that she’s not as important as she thought she’d be to him. (Season 3)

6) Not getting the respect by the men she started to like and gets used by them (Count Harebourg and Oropo) (But Harebourg did like her tho I mean why else would he obsessively stalk her during her adventures??) She technically gets heartbroken three times because of the conversation she overheard with Yugo and fake Ruel (Sipho). (OVA BOOK 1 - Season 3)

7) Getting rudely told by fake Ruel (Sipho) that she’s not important and that he personally doesn’t understand why Yugo likes her because of the way that ‘she looks’ which makes her now feel self-conscious. (EXCUSE ME BITCH WHO TF ARE YOU?!?!? YOU’RE SO UGLY YOU HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE ANYONE ELSE OTHER THAN YOURSELF. Bitch is blind cuz he can’t see her hourglass figure with that big ass, perfect pretty chocolate brown skin with no wrinkles or acne problems, luscious green hair with no knots perfectly tied up, and a cute face. No wonder Yugo likes her, the dude is into adorable flowers.) (Season 3)

I MEAN JUST LOOK AT HER ‼️‼️‼️‼️

8) Getting told by her own friends that she acts like a spoiled brat when she clearly stopped being too bratty and literally TRIED THROWING AWAY HER LIFE FOR HAREBOURG TO SAVE HER PEOPLE FROM OGREST’S BULLSHIT. (OVA BOOK 1)

9) Is absolutely not even comfortable in her own kingdom to the point that even her own dying father can tell she’s not feeling well. (Season 3)

10) The only thing she has ever genuinely smiled at (besides her kiss with Yugo), was meeting Dathura for the first time. (Season 3)

11) Didn’t get taken seriously when she tried telling Armand about Yugo and Adamaï. (Season 1)

12) Didn’t get taken seriously by Eva when she told her about the dream she had of Sadida telling her to search for Yugo. (Season 1)

13) Got called a ‘salad’ by some guards from a city and by Toross in a sneak peek from Season 4 (Seasons 2-4)

14) Her best friend, Eva, is now too busy with her family to be in touch with her like they used to so Amalia pretty much has to deal with her problems on her own most of the time and can’t rely on a close friend for support. (OVA BOOK 1-2-3 - Season 3)

15) Everyone in the Brotherhood of the Tofu has someone in their life that makes them a duo whether it’s romantic or familial: Dally and Evangelyne, Yugo and Adamai, Elely and Flopin, Ruel and Arpagone. Amalia has no one. (Seasons 1-2-OVAS-3)

16) The queen of the Sadida Kingdom died when Amalia was just a young child. Because of the death of her mother at such a young age, Amalia already had some family trauma from the start. She grew up with two men, with no motherly or feminine presence in her life. With no exemple from any female role model, she became spoiled, bratty, and rude to the people she deems as inferior to her princess status. (Seasons 1-2-manga)

Please I just want season 4 to do her justice cuz at this point, I’m just genuinely impressed that she hasn’t cracked yet.

The fact that season 1 only gave us hints of the beginning of her troubles is wild tho…

[lostbluejayart]

Hi! So say Spike lives at the end after everything that happens in the canon events of the anime. I feel like he'd finally be able to move on from Julia, and when he does, do you think he'd be far more protective of his partner in a new relationship? Like he doesn't want the same thing happening to them that happened to Julia, so he becomes overprotective, jealous, insecure, etc. How do you think he would be in a new relationship in general? Would love to hear your thoughts! 🩵

Hi anon! This is actually a REALLY good question. I love it soo much I had to mediate on it for a couple days since I got this ask. Considering the circumstances of Spike’s experiences with ‘love’, at least with what we were presented in the show, I would say Spike may possess those particular traits you mentioned if he was given a chance in a new relationship.

The emotional impact of Julia’s death ( as well as Annie’s ) would leave him in a state of despair, which he would eventually need to find a way to climb out of. She was the first woman in his life who clearly had his mind and heart wrapped around her fingers, and he revealed a fantasy, or dream, about running away to build a life together with her. I think that type of love confession displays the depth of love Spike is capable of possessing, that he would risk his life for someone who got a tight hold on him. Spike is a man who loves DEEP and HARD, plus, values loyalty in a partner.

So, it wouldn’t come as a surprise for me that he may display traits of over protectiveness with a partner because he fears them getting into harms way, or even worst, death. Spike just wouldn’t find it within himself to watch them risk their own safety when a situation is deemed too dangerous. Holding Julia in his arms as she passed away was borderline traumatic. Being in such a dreadful position would traumatize anyone, even if they may not outwardly express it. How much more trauma would he experience if he lost a new partner after ( finally ) letting down his walls for them? I imagine terrible memories of losing people close to him would loom over his head, and I believe if he deems a situation to be unsafe, he will make excuses as to why they shouldn’t involve themselves in it. It’s the fear of losing someone ( again ) that would manifest this behavior.

Spike is quite confident, never has he displayed insecurities in his abilities, often times running into situations without a second thought. But I do believe he’s experienced insecurity in regard to Julia. She didn’t meet up with him at the cemetery as they planned, so in his mind, he may have wondered if she actually loved him or not. He may have developed abandonment issues, which would make it hard to trust anyone with his feelings again. In a new relationship, Spike will need to hear words of reassurance from time to time, and certain actions ( whether they are big or small ) that demonstrate their love for him. He may not show it or even express it, but he will need to hear “ I Love You” sometimes, or be reminded he is loved, at least to feel more secure in the relationship. Spike is fiercely loyal to the person he falls in love with, and he expects his partner to be loyal to him.

I think it’s possible he can experience bouts of jealousy, although, I don’t think he’d make it plainly obvious he’s jealous. Hey may get jealous of the attention his partner gives someone else, depending on how often they do it. I think back to the time how Spike must’ve felt when Julia was dating Vicious, how he envied the attention Julia gave to the swordsman, and during their affair. At the most, he’d act sarcastic towards the person and definitely would find excuses as to why they’re incompetent ( in comparison to him anyway ). Oh! Don’t let Spike find out if his partner asked for their help instead of asking him.

Anyway, this was fun! I hope you enjoyed my Hc’s about Spike being in a new relationship and certain hurdles he may need to jump over!

[lockandkeyhyena]

(I REALLY HOPE tumblr doesnt cut this off early... its pretty long!) Hello!! Your posts containing that recent story idea of yours has popped on my feed. To be completely honest what I have read so far has left me ... uncomfortable, but I want to be open-minded enough to give it a chance. So I hope you don't mind me using anon to ask some questions about it!

First and foremost, you have expressed what the narrative asks of it's audience, but what is the message? What is the story trying to say? I'm not necessarily against a story that asks it's viewers to sympathize with horrible people (BoJack, for example, is one of my fave shows ever), but I feel like, at least personally, you can't be too vague or open-ended with topics like these. BoJack (again, example) allows you to understand and sympathize with horrible people, but the message is also very clearly "actions have consequences, and you must own up to / live with them". I'm curious what your message is?

In your eyes, what exactly is the line between "Horrible person the audience can sympathize with" and "Horrible person the audience must pity, feel bad for, excuse actions of"? I feel like it is a line that can very easily (and often, unknowingly) be crossed, so I'd like to see your view on it

"redemption" is a word I see frequently on your posts. What is redemption to you? Is it a simple change in heart / behavior, or something more? I'm not against a horrible character like yours being 'redeemed', as in recognizing the true nature of his actions / behavior and striving to be 'better'. However to some people, 'redemption' can easily mean 'deserving of forgiveness' or 'unable to be judged / held responsible for previous actions' (which is why that kind of arc is so frequently controversial lol). All things considered, I personally don't think the latter would be wise to approach considering the characters crimes. But i'm sure you know that already.

This also begs the question - what is forgiveness to you, especially in media? In one of your posts is the line 'where do we draw the line in the sand for what crimes are deemed unforgivable even when faced with eternity, and why?', which made me curious enough to ask this anon in the first place. What is an unforgivable crime to you? How does your story plan to handle themes of forgiveness? Are you planning to write elements of forgiveness between victim / abuser? (mostly asking because, if that is the case, I don't think this could be a story I'd enjoy unfortunately)

How do you plan to have the audience feel sympathy / empathy for your character? Do you plan to go the 'he has a sad backstory' route or do you have something more planned? I also feel like it is important to acknowledge the difference between 'sympathize' and 'empathize' here. To want an audience to feel sympathy for a horrible character is something I can understand, as it calls for simple understanding. But empathy is something that is a lot more intimate imo (as it stems from a feeling of "your pain is my own, I have been in your shoes"). Which I don't think you could really ask of those who have been the victim of those things at least.

I definitely feel like it is important to acknowledge the humanity of horrible people, but I also feel like it is important to acknowledge that some people out there genuinely are just awful -- not every criminal has an unfortunate upbringing or bad life experiences, and not every criminal shares an ounce of care or regret or sympathy, as unfortunate as that may sound. With that said, I think it is perfectly healthy for the average person to maintain distance between themselves and those who cause others significant harm / traumas. At the end of the day, it is an abusers responsibility to see the harm they inflict and own up to their own actions. No innocent person should be expected to 'fix them' or tolerate their behaviors or forgive the hurt they have caused, even after redemption. Not even a simple 'you're hurting others' is owed, really. Nobody wants to put themselves in the shoes of someone who abuses children in that manner, because that is not really something you can do as a mistake, or accidentally, or without realizing, or in the heat of the moment. Sexual abuse in general is a crime done without good reason, which is why it is such a touchy subject -- and when you bring grooming into the mix, it becomes a crime that is now premeditated. But of course I say this from an outside perspective, I wouldn't know what it is like to harm children in that way …

Sorry for the ramble, anyways. All in all I'm willing to give your story a shot and I'm curious to see how you tackle these ideas (and, I will definitely be around to give you advice / my thoughts, for as long as you welcome them).

hey!! thanks so much for your input, it’s really appreciated. this’ll be a long one so strap in folks.

1. good question!! the message i’m trying to go for is something similar to bojack horseman. your behaviour shouldn’t damn you to an eternity of pain and suffering, but you still have to live with your actions and acknowledge that you’ve hurt people- and, most importantly, you can’t move forward without *acknowledging* you’ve done something wrong. basically, ‘anyone can become a better person, but you have to be willing to put the effort in and acknowledge that your past actions won’t go away.’

2. i don’t think there should ever be a character that the audience excuses the actions of, i think that while you can sympathise with and pity a character, you also necessarily have to acknowledge and analyse the bad they did.

3. OH OH THIS IS A GOOD ONE!! i think about this ALOT, especially in regards to forgiveness. i don’t personally think that if you become a better person, your past crimes should be forgiven/forgotten about. i think the most appealing thing about redemption narratively is your character constantly being reminded of their past and choosing to continue being a good person in spite of it.

redemption, to me, means recognising the horrible nature of your past actions and acknowledging that you did bad things, while simultaneously working to better yourself and be an overall good and kind person.

4. continuing on from the last question, i adore thinking about forgiveness in depth, i believe i made a post on it a year ago and still have an ask waiting in my askbox about what i personally define forgiveness as.

basically, no, i don’t plan to write any elements of forgiveness from the victim into the story, and that’s something i want alvin to have to deal with. think end of season one bojack horseman with ‘i don’t forgive you.’ i want him to be faced with that, acknowledge that nothing he can do can fix what happened, and strive to be a better person regardless.

personally, to me, while i would never *forgive* alvin for his crimes, i wouldn’t begrudge him the opportunity to better himself. an interesting contradiction in my worldview is that while i will never personally forgive child abusers, i don’t believe in being ‘beyond redemption’. i believe that if someone is given enough time, no matter how heinous the crime, give them a thousand, million, billion years of time, i believe they can see their wrongs and work towards being better people. i also believe it’s an endless task. there’s never going to be a ‘you are better now’ stopping point, and that’s something that has to be dealt with.

5. ah, simple misunderstanding of words here, i don’t really see a difference between sympathising and empathising and i use them both to mean ‘feel bad for’ or ‘understand someone’s point of view without necessarily agreeing’ while i plan for him to have a sad backstory, that’s not the avenue i plan to garner sympathy from the audience with. that’s the avenue that *he* initially wants you to take pity on him for.

i want people to sympathise with him due to his… normalness for lack of a better word. i want people to see him as a human outside of his terrible actions. i want him to have quirks, favourite movies and dislikes.

anyway, i think your insights are extremely valuable and i agree with all of them! the heinousness of the crime is sort of the point- can someone who knowingly and prolonged-ly(?) committed a vile act, become a better person? the answer i want to come out of this story with is yes, but it’s something that has to be done selflessly and with no expectation of reward.

thank you so much for taking time out of your day to write up these questions for me! any further input would be much appreciated- you’ve been very articulate and helpful with me putting my own thoughts into words.

[full-of-malice]

miguel o'hara & trauma

a little character analysis + my thoughts about him idk he has ptsd because i said so brief general content warnings for death, trauma, grief, suicide, and there is atsv spoilers idk if i should put warnings for that or not

miguel o'hara like all individuals with trauma, especially ptsd, has intense reactions to anything regarding his trauma. he also carries intense fear, anger, grief, and guilt, common emotions that many trauma survivors struggle with.  examples of his fear include how he fears for the destruction of the multiverse. the intense anger reactions when someone doesn't understand the weight, and the very intense anger directed at himself.  the grief that he can't seem to escape, as he's constantly shown with the heavy weight of his daughter's death on his shoulders. he is also  his guilt is what drives everything. his grief fuels him, sure, but his overwhelming guilt for his daughter's death causes him to want to make sure it will never happen ever again, at whatever cost that it takes. it's the only way to ever repay the wrong that he had done. miguel's guilt and rage are the only things that are driving him through his day to day life, since he feels he has the entire multiverse on his shoulders, and the devastating guilt of his daughter's death on his mind, leaving him in a perpetual state of exhaustion. does this excuse his actions that he made in his intense rage such as physically chasing teens? no. does it give an explanation? yes.  understanding miguel's trauma is important to understanding why and how he functions. it goes far beyond sad silly man, it leans into a moral debt and spiraling emotions that lead him to do what he does. he's constantly in an environment surrounded by what caused his trauma, which is an incredibly triggering and stressful work life. he is never given a chance to take a step back or separate himself from it. always surrounded by something that hurt him in a way that cannot be undone but his sense of moral debt and heavy guilt doesn't allow him to remove himself from the situation to give himself a break or allow himself to get the proper help that he needs while this is already an intense and struggling situation to be in mentally, miguel struggled a lot before even finding the dimension where he had a daughter, he has a very strong and intense implied prior trauma. going off of some of the world building and my slight knowledge of the comics [i'm. not a fan of the comics!miguel but simply going off of world building] there is a lot of corruption, with the top layer of the worlds being perfect areas for the wealthy, but only for the poor or lesser peoples living below the surface of the earth. this is briefly implied through the chase scene in atsv when miguel is chasing down miles.  so in this world it's already messed up. he's implied to have had a hard life. miguel had turned himself into a spider person, and often viewed himself as a monster. he couldn't come to terms with who or what he was, could never fully be okay with the fact that he wasn't human anymore. this self hatred it came to a point in the comics were he was even suicidal.  not to mention that he likely has a strange complex that comes from the borderline psychological horror of invading a person's life and not being the person that they think you are, when he replaced gabi's father in the other dimension.  all of this comes to the point where on top of already having mental health issues, he also had to death with the death of his daughter, and having that weight and guilt on his mind.  all in all he makes for a very sympathetic character who does things that are wrong and inexcusable, in a misguided attempt to do the right thing.

if you read this whole thing thanks a lot for deeming this incoherent mess of words worthy of your time i had a lot of fun writing this actually

[asteriasfallingstarsandtears]

Not tagging this because I don't really want to contribute to the general discourse, but man, I am annoyed at the letter change. I've seen people be like oh but it looks better and fine, whatever, glad you do, but it doesn't change it takes away the nuance in a character that already has so fucking little in a game that he's supposed to be one of the three last antagonists of the game.

What was wrong with those letter beyond one single typo? Why did they need to change? Why could these new letters not be added in in addition to these existing letters.

Act 3 is a fucking disaster as is, Orin and Gortash get so little screen time, and what they do get, you can tell the actors are giving it their all. Besides that, we have a few scattered notes that give us backstory that are all optional and easily missed. If you don't go to the House of Hope and talk with the dwarf and find like one? Note, you don't find out that Gortash was sold to the Hells and was tortured daily. If you don't find his parents, you don't get the details of why he was sold and how his parents fucking despised him as a child.

Orin is likewise the same, you do have to face Sarevok to get the amulet to get into the Temple, but unless you go into his office, you won't learn before the Temple that Orin and Helena were victims of their father's abuse. If you don't use talk with the dead on Helena you miss out on a lot of how she gave everything to Sarevok and Bhaal only to be deemed as nothing more than a womb to be filled and a sacrifice to her God.

You have to find this note or talk with Helena to confront Orin and make her question what happened and force Bhaal's hand and see just how bad the abuse and trauma of Orin and by extension Durge and every Bhaalspawn mentioned in the game has undergone for Bhaal.

You have to undergo very specific actions in very specific orders to unlock memories for Durge and a number of notes just do not exist in the game if you are not playing the Durge, or are replaced by other notes that do not tell the story of Orin, Durge and the Temple of Bhaal.

Orin gets more attention given to her stuff than Gortash ever does. You cannot confront Gortash with your knowledge. There's hardly anything for you to do with him with the information you can gather.

So taking away from an already barebones character frankly (ha) sucks.

And before anyone tried to say something, no, this is not me excusing anyone's actions, they did what they did, they're all serial killers, slavers, and worse. Whatever, it's a game, they're very clearly Bad(tm), but they're also very interesting characters who have their stories squandered.

If you can't understand why this bothers someone, imagine your favourite character being rewritten for the worse post game and think about how much that would suck for your enjoyment of the character.

Might delete later, but wanted to express my feelings and thoughts on the matter.

[nectaric]

@kallistcs asked: Guilt, Excuses, and Principles for Zeus, the difficult past headcanon meme!

Guilt // What actions or decisions do they feel guilty or regretful about? Or is there no sense of guilt whatsoever? What would motivate them to reflect?

this is complicated. because, yes, zeus feels immensely guilty about a lot of decisions he's made or actions he's taken (the deaths of semele and metis, the marriage of hephaestus and aphrodite, the harshness of his punishments towards those who attempted the coup, the murder of iasion, and many more things) - zeus knows that he cannot travel too far down that path, or the guilt will eat him alive. he has much he feels remorse for, and has found himself stuck in that pit on many occasions. and so, he tries very hard not to give in to that guilt, not using it as his motivation for change - but instead using his love for the people he's hurt to motivate him to do better.

Excuses // Do they try to defend or excuse their past or current actions? What excuses do they bring up, if they do?

it's a pretty natural inclination to want to defend our actions, particularly if we never intended the bad consequences to happen. zeus is certainly guilty of this - and was more so in the earlier days of his reign. zeus has gotten quite good at taking accountability for his actions, and a huge part of his journey and growth is accepting the harm he has done and working to make amends.

but yes, he has made excuses and continues to do so. they are usually either the i did what i had to do for the good of this family / kingdom / council, which IS usually true, but has still obviously resulted in a lot of harm. or, more often in the later years, he explains away his actions as a result of his upbringing / the wars / etc. usually, when he does that though, he's never trying to say "it's not my fault, i have trauma!!" but he does fall into that natural desire to defend himself, and tries to say "look, i know i hurt you, it should never have happened, here's why it did ___" so again. not necessarily trying to excuse his behaviour, but explaining it certainly, which can sometimes come across the wrong way.

Principles // Are there certain limits to what they do or don’t do? Are there exemptions to their set principles?

i think there are generally two rules zeus follows with every course of action he takes. one: he really does not like to be cruel. he lashes out in anger, yes, and has done extremely violent things. he can be brutal in the way he treats those who hurt his loved ones, for example. his punishments can be quite harsh. but, with very few exceptions (ixion, for example), i don't think zeus ever intends to harm those above and beyond what he deems is necessary. of course, his version of cruel is a lot different from others version of cruel, but he really doesn't intend to be so. he doesn't go into his decisions wondering what the maximum amount of suffering he can cause is.

and two: is that he will not do anything that disrupts the order of olympus - not intentionally, anyway. as a god of justice and maintainer of order, the decisions zeus makes, if sometimes done in anger, are still never intended to cause chaos. he does not want to "stir the pot" necessarily. he wants to maintain order, and will use an iron fist to do so.

[tiffanylamps]

🔥🔥🔥🔥 of course, some beyond evil hot takes 🔥🔥🔥🔥 but also, what is some controversial opinion that you have about something entirely mundane :^0

ask me ask me ask me baby (Disclaimer: I started writing this, then had dinner, watched an episode of Bros on Foot, then had a shower and now I'm pretty exhausted (thanks rona + bad health). So my answers may seem a lil disorganised... they most likely are) Oh, gosh. I don't think I have that many opinions that are actually controversial when discussing be. But I shall still give it a go. I going to put a break here 'cause I really didn't know when to shut up. Also, sorry Iva but I feel like my answers are things we've already spoken about. So, I don't think any of this is new information to you 😩 TL;DR: Dong Sik and Joo Won shouldn't be represented by one aspect of their character. They're more complicated than that. (Including a mundane opinion at the end) (please excuse any weird funny business in this post (writing, grammar, spelling, clarity), we're trying our best here at Lamps HQ)

i. We as a fandom baby Dong Sik too much. I love Dong Sik. I adore him. He has seen and experienced far too many traumas, and I want nothing but good things for him in his future. What happened to him and his family when he was 20 was a tragedy that could have been avoided if the system (which should be in place to aid victims) wasn't systemically corrupt. He was beaten by police officers whilst in custody. He was framed and belittled, degraded, and humiliated. (the trauma he experienced is so layered and would take a lifetime for him to unpack and get closure from).

It almost completely ruined his life and future prospects, and it would have been done if Nam Sang Bae hadn't come in with his lvl 100 guilt and tried to make up for his actions. Dong Sik tried to make the best out of the awful circumstances that befell him and I sincerely admire him. Not everyone is as kind and loving as Dong Sik.... But but but... Buuuuut that doesn't absolve him of his actions. He murdered someone with his bare hands and allowed the system that was once put against him to be used in his favour.

Police officers shouldn't be murdering civilians. full stop. Yes, he was emotionally compromised- technically it could be seen as self-defence, but an unconvicted man, a suspect, was murdered and Dong Sik didn't face repercussions. Nam Sang Bae skewed the evidence so Dong Sik didn't get into trouble. Dong Sik took a year (?) off work after that event and to "help" him recover, Sang Bae got Dong Sik transferred to his substation (which Sang Bae had been demoted to as a result of one of his rookies dying on the job. Although, it wasn't deemed much of a punishment considering he was so close to retiring anyway). All the while, Dong Sik feels justified for his actions (as he did when he moved Min Jeong's fingers). (Screenshots from the translated script book/author's notes doc)

I think it's best that when discussing and exploring Dong Sik's character, we remember that he is a man capable of murder. He is a murderer. (Do I blame him for what he did? No, not really. I can see why he did it. Objectively, I fucking love it for the narrative lol). But yeah, he isn't a guiltless sweet baby angel who never did anything wrong in his life. (DISCLAIMER: obviously jokes are just jokes. I love them and I never want them to stop. I am super guilty of participating in this line of joking and I'm not about to stop any time soon. But when discussing DS in serious conversations, we shouldn't erase his history. By doing that, we are devoiding him of agency and retribution (which is one of the main arcs/themes of his character development)).

ii. Joo Won is autistic and people need to stop calling him stupid. I will die on this hill, I don't care. I fully encourage everyone to bully Joo Won, because, well, he fucking deserves it. I know that bullying him is a hilarious love language the fandom has developed and I fully participate in this pastime. I honestly love it. Yes, he has done a lot wrong and shouldn't be absolved of his sins (that being said, we should allow him the space to learn and grow. We should learn to forgive whilst still keeping him and ourselves in check). But where I draw the line is when people outright laugh at his characteristics/actions which are derived from the fact that Joo Won is coded as autistic.

I know not everyone is going to be particularly versed in neurodivergent symptoms and that is completely fine. I even didn't fully clock Joo Won being autistic the first time I watched the show- I "labelled" his actions as a result of one) his obscenely privileged upbringing and two) the fact that he (imo) has some degree of OCD (which is a type of anxiety disorder). Then it hit me one day that he is soooo autistic. A few examples (I'm too ill to list each one or go into full detail): 1- People say that he's a bad detective. Which, ugh. 2- That he should have seen the "obvious" signs that Dong Sik wasn't the killer earlier. This sentiment completely ignores the timeline of the show and the fact that the viewer is provided information that Joo Won doesn't have access to. And it also removes Dong Sik's accountability for being purposely obtuse and antagonistic. 3- the whole (very minor) narrative that joo won is lame because he has terrible people skills (or something along those lines, I can't quite remember the tags I read as it was a while ago). This one, in particular, ties in with Joo Won's autism coding. With a (relatively sound) understanding of what autism looks like in male adults, to me, it would seem that a lot of what Joo Won does (speaking bluntly, getting easily confused when provided a lot of information during an intense situation, overwhelm, struggling to gauge people's emotions/tone, being very black and white, hyper focussing on a topic of interest, struggling to adapt to new social environments, masking, issues with food and sensory stimulation, etc) can be credited to autism. Perhaps I'm connecting dots that don't exist and am projecting an ideal onto his character, but as someone who grew up with multiple friends and family members who are neurodiverse (and is neurodiverse myself), I can see so many similarities between Joo Won's actions, thought processes, and mannerisms to that of a person with autism.

^ (credit) here is an overview of some characteristics of autism in adults (obviously, it's a complex topic which differs from person to person. But I can definitely connect many of these examples to joo won's character and actions). [I feel like I could say a lot more about this subject, but it would be distracting away from the original point. I have thoughts on Joo Won masking and how he struggles to mask around Dong Sik]

How does this relate to Joo Won being "stupid"? One may ask. I will try to explain it as best I can (even though I don't fully have my answer planned out). Labelling Joo Won as stupid, as a stuck-up nepo baby who did nothing for the storyline, or just a useless dolt that needed Dong Sik to spoon-feed him, completely misconstrues the source material. Joo Won is intelligent, hard-working, determined, stubborn, foolish, annoying, pompous, proud, narrow-minded, snobby, short-sighted, dedicated, loyal, loving, persistent, and perceptible to change (and even more than that). We wouldn't have a story if Joo Won was stupid. We wouldn't have a conclusion if Joo Won was stupid. Downplaying Joo Won's intelligence and chalking up his characteristics as something that makes him less-than does a complete disservice to his character as well as his importance within the story. Beyond Evil is a story with TWO leads. It's not the Dong Sik show. I can NEVER subscribe to the act of bringing one character down in order to hold another up. Dong Sik is not this all-seeing, all-knowing, flawless character. If he was, he would have never been framed for murder, he wouldn't have been stuck for 20 years, and he wouldn't have needed help in uncovering the truth. He needed Joo Won (and Ji Hwa, Jae Yi, Jung Je, Ji Hoon, Du Soo, Sang Bae, etc). Without Joo Won, he may have never found out the full truth of what happened to his sister (as how many people in his life had a part to play in the traumas he faced). So, I think it's about time that people start to recognise Joo Won as a neurodivergent character (and stop giving him a hard time for not seeing signs that WE were given), as well as stop downplaying him. Kim Soo Jin, Sim Na Yeon, and Yeo Jin Goo created such a multi-dimensional, complex, flawed character with good and bad qualities, it does a disservice to their creativity and hard work when one belittles Joo Won down to one descriptor. Dong Sik and Joo Won aren't just the idiot and the downtrodden. They're more than that and fan interpretation shouldn't rewrite the facts of the show.

Anyway... there's a point in there somewhere... I think... I have no idea if I managed to construct a reply that makes sense. I don't think I fully relayed all my thoughts on this particular matter, but we live. tbh, I feel very icky when an autistic character gets labelled as stupid or useless. It gets on my nerves and if it wasn't obvious, I am pretty protective of Joo Won (maybe I shouldn't be, but... well... here we are!). Also, as a note: I don't expect anyone to agree with my opinion that Joo Won is autistic. But yeah, I was going to include more "controversial" opinions for be, but I have already said way too much. This post reads like a rant - which it probably is - and I don't want it to ruffle anyone's feathers. It's not an attack, it's just my opinion.

As for the mundane opinion: iii. kiwis are the scum of the fruit world. They're nasty and a lot of effort to eat (considering they don't taste great), and their texture is gross. But I do think their furry shell is pretty neat, even if it makes my skin cruel. (idk why this was the first thing that came to mind lol)

(sorry Iva. Maybe one day I will learn how to give short answers😂🫣)

[spoonsforminutes]

Medical Ableism

As someone who has extensive personal experience with medical ableism from both physical and mental health professions, I wish more people realized that ableism (and really all -ism ideologies) are a systemic issue reflected in individuals and has no real inherent bearing on morality. What makes medical ableism so vile is the fact that the U.S. is a country in which people refuse to confront the uncomfortable beliefs of the past and present, and the fact that people confuse personal ego and professional knowledge as the same thing. Specifically more so in therapy, it is a therapist’s responsibility to mitigate conversations with their clients in a safe and beneficial way that addresses their concerns, and although seen more in good therapists, medical professionals should feel encouraged to discuss personal examples of trauma without trying to control the client’s own narrative. I don’t know why this is so hard for medical professionals because when someone is trusting their life in your hands, my own opinions always come second place to validated research. Plus I don’t know, my personal trauma failed to develop and secure a personal identity for myself, but I have always spent my time learning about and expanding my own worldview. And it’s super funny going through medical healthcare courses in college as someone with an invisible disability because you really learn that no matter who are--either an old white guy retired from his medical career or a woman in cancer remission trying to teach young med professionals that patients need to have compassion for their illness--you find out pretty quickly that the U.S. healthcare system only sees fatal/terminal illnesses, temporary illness/conditions in which full recovery is expected, or mental health (only addressed by mental health professionals).

Neuroscience and cognitive science truly is such a good major to have when heading into medical school because it’s the best of both worlds in terms of psychology and biology with the added bonus to explore linguistics, computation, and philosophy. I am incredibly privileged to have gotten such an education and to use it to really expand all aspects of my understanding. I specifically perform research on my own disability and gender identity, so I’m already on this battlefield. I am in the trenches, but even more so, I see the people who face the same struggles as me, and I think, “well, im used to pain and trauma; let me step in front and take the first bullet.” I don’t think true social activism is ever a choice; it feels like I walked head-first down that path, and whenever things get in my way, I double-down on everything I know I am and what I believe. This is where my gender identity really helps because both masculinity and femininity where used against me whenever I stood up for myself, so when people misgender me, it fills me with a little bit of glee because I think “good, go ahead and underestimate me.” It’s very clear that even with top surgery, my trauma-strained voice affirms my assigned sex which is incredibly dysphoric, but I’m working on it for me and my personal happiness. Until then, my voice is no excuse. Transphobia literally lives in the spaces of what is deemed acceptable queerness and the assumptions about its visibility. The traditional sex binary model will always spurn transphobia until society realizes that “male” and “female” sex simply don’t exist and are a heuristic that was never meant to be taken literally, but the history of sexism and racism in medical science has perpetuated this idea that inherent differences exist between people that would support bigots and discrimination. 

I don’t think morality is something that anyone can possess permanently because it relies on both words and actions; you do not just get claim you’re a good person and then do whatever the fuck you want. Being a good person means respecting both yourself and others, and ultimately, wanting to see a future where you and the people who influence your life (whether you know it or not) can live free and happy and SAFE.

[fferthe]

While your heart is in a good place, it's important to clarify the Dave & Henry comparison. You mention that people are completely unsympathetic -- which actually was Doggo's intention. DirectDoggo wanted him to be non-likeable and hard to sympathize with. He's the 'devil incarnate' for a reason. The sheer difference between Henry and Dave is that while the doctor is traumatized, he still has a developed and functioning brain, unlike Dave, whose entire frontal lobe was removed (as well as some other parts of the brain). Plus, Henry did not die & repossess his corpse repeatedly. Trauma, no matter how severe, cannot excuse lobotomizing/stealing organs of someone who lives with you & considers you a father figure. Or deciding to kill kids after being rejected by the science community. On the other hand, Dave can't tell between right and wrong, because he has severe brain damage. On the Flipside it's clearly shown that Dave didn't think of his actions as immoral. I doubt anyone defends Dave because of trauma, although I may be mistaken. Henry being particularly sadistic doesn't help his case either. He knows that what he's doing is evil & enjoys it, laughing his ass off. Dave and Henry are very, very different. One of them qualifies for an insanity plea, while the other is either sentenced for life, or put on an electric chair (the latter seems more likely). Jack bears more similarity to Henry. Even if he's a vessel puppeteered by either Fredbear or Henry, he can make the conscious decision not to listen to them. He is relatively autonomous despite lacking a soul. Jack can fulfill TRF's promise or go on a killing spree out of spite, and in both cases he can distinguish between right and wrong. They're both morally grey, but I'm not sure if I ever saw someone defend Jack. People find it hard hate on Jack because he's our playable character, everything he does is something that we chose ourselves. He's very pliable, he can do any of our biddings -- not unlike Frisk from Undertale. Before Dogman came up with a name for him, he was called OS (Old Sport for short). He was a blank slate for the players to toy with. With Henry, his character is fixed, and so are his decisions. The path he chose is set in stone.

I think people deem Henry homophobic because out of all characters he's the oldest, being born in 1925. It's a whole other generation. And in addition, Henry being an abusive husband & father sets an expectation. How many abusive parental figures/partners have you seen that are tolerant of queer people?

Usually people make antagonists queer, so Henry being the opposite seems to be more of a circumstance. Although, I cannot rule out that possibility entirely. It's quite sad when people lump "having done something terrible" and "being homophobic" together, as if one is directly caused by the other.

I love DSaF but y’all are gonna have to realize at some point that no matter how much you hate Henry, y’all only call him homophobic because he’s evil and overweight.

Like. That’s literally it. Dave killed kids as well and actively stalked Jack (which is weird, by the way. Why do people gloss over that???) but y’all defend him because “oh he has trauma.” But when it’s HENRY, apparently because he manipulated Dave and killed kids + a good portion of the main cast, he’s completely unsympathetic and should be actively trashed on (even though he was literally in WWII and has trauma from that as well. But apparently trauma only matters if its ur skinny twink uwu gay boys.)

Every other post I see about Henry anywhere has someone calling him homophobic and straight-up just body shaming and it’s like. Are y’all ??? Aware ??? Of how much favoritism you have? When it’s two silly, stick-thin child murderers it’s cute and funny and omg they’re gay for each other yippee. But the only thing different about Henry is that he’s the main antagonist, he’s overweight, and some of the things he did are kinda worse in comparison. Nothing either Jack or Dave or Henry did was good, they’re all rather awful human beings, but so many people jump to the defense of EVERYONE in this game other than Henry. The point is that no one’s a good guy. Did y’all forget that???

Sorry if this is super derivative from the stuff I usually post but it’s been on my mind and makes me irrationally angry. Henry’s an amazingly well-written character and so much of his story and writing gets glossed over with “homophobic” and “fat iguana” jokes. I think he deserves to be more than the butt of every joke this fandom makes, and he’s only the punchline because he’s easier to make fun of than anyone else. But y’all aren’t ready for that discussion.

[astromechs]

Hopefully this isn't seen as too forward but I could hug and kiss you for explaining so eloquently how Vader was done well in a way Thanos wasn't. I don't want to get into my complicated history but it actually hurt to see people making excuses for Thanos when I and people I know have been in similar abusive situations as Gamora. It wouldn't have mattered if Thanos was decent every day pior, that doesn't excuse his actions in IW. The fact that some people not only found it acceptable but also retrospectively tried to sweep under the rug all the past treatment Gamora endured, was unsettling to say the least.

Another thing that made me uncomfortable is the fact that right or wrong to a large portion of the audience Thanos is white and Gamora isn't due to who plays/voices them. I do find audiences/fandoms are ready by default to side with or identify with characters based on those those traits. There were a lot of excuses for Thanos floating around different fandom spaces while scrutinizing the actions of characters that actually loved Gamora and whether Gamora was worth ressurecting at all. I've seen people surprised by some of the dismissal of Gamora after vol 3 but truth is people started doing it after Endgame. I saw suggestions of who could replace her on the team and it was always white characters or those played by white actors.

I'm still trying to sort out my feelings regarding vol 3 and how much I feel it did to support Gamora's character vs what could have been better. Either way more people should be seeing the strength in Gamora's character. She got dealt a crap hand twice over and still managed to be so much more than Thanos made her. There were some really great character beats and shifts for her in vol 3 that people are missing and I hope that changes.

that's really what was so unsettling about this, and about how all of it was excused or dismissed; there are too many parallels with the way abuse gets excused and dismissed in real life, and real life people are affected by this. i don't even have those experiences in my personal history directly, having only worked with that particular form of trauma secondhand as a mental health professional, and i was deeply unsettled by not only the portrayal within infinity war itself, but also the discourse after it and what has still endured in the years since — so i can't even imagine the full horror of what it's like to be watching all of this go down with that in your history. i'm taking you into my arms, dear anon 🫂

there really is that element, too, just like you said, of gamora being played by a woc and thanos being played by a white man, that plays into a lot of the racist tendencies of both general audiences and fandom specifically. as i'm white, i don't feel qualified to speak on all the nuances of this, but it's something that's very much there and something i've very much noticed with respect to, in this particular instance, how gamora's character gets treated. that also gives this whole... undercurrent to the story of what thanos did to gamora, taking her from her home and her culture and assimilating her into his own design for what he deemed she should be, that i think a lot of people aren't thinking about.

and i'm right there with you; i, too, am still sorting out my feelings about vol 3, especially with respect to gamora, because it's very complicated! there was good stuff there, but i also wanted a lot more and don't think she got nearly the amount of focus that she should have, especially with the narratively seismic events of infinity war and endgame. it really sucks to see people just... sweeping her under the rug. she deserves better than that.

[imlyfie]

Reread  @rosetintednerdglasses’s Greek Mythology Hades/Persephone AU Don’t Bite for the nth time and being the PJO fangirl I got absorbed into Uncle Rick’s Riordanverse again. 

Now I’m thinking how the Characters of Vincenzo would be as Demigods. More specifically Who would be the godly parent of the Vincenzo Cast. Here’s my take on our protagonists.

Vincenzo Cassano / Park Joo hyung

Son of Hades (obviously)

- Lmao, you saw that coming from a mile away didn't you?

- Tbh we all did. 

- His personality trait just fits the traits of a demigod of cabin 13 (ngl as a fellow Scorpio like Vinny I agree with this)

- The entire premise of the story is calling Vincenzo a ‘Monster’ associating him with death so this was a no brainer

- But actually, I had some after thoughts about him being the son of Hephaestus due to his affinity for fire but I personally just took this as a side aspect of Vincenzo with his preferences for destruction.

- His powers would be like Nico Di Angelo’s but also being able to control hellfire and metals. Basically a bit of everything because why not?

POWERS:

The ability to control Hellfire hence his affinity to regular fire which is a mild comparison of his powers and keeps him in check calms him down.

His ability of precious metal manipulation resonates with his desire for gold (let's be real who doesn't want to be rich) but imo in this AU, this greed for money is a partial excuse because gold is his main dealings (just like how he sent like 80 million euro which I can assume to be the value of the gold traded to the Luciano for Cha Young) I think his main dealing with bribery is his domain when it comes to material affinities. And since he can conjure precious metals out of thin air he is never out of money or else how do you explain him getting enough Booralro suits to change here and there every episode when he got robbed in his first five minutes in Korea? Also side headcanon that his lighters are made of gold and platinum, the ones he conjured on his own.

he also can control the undead like Nico, but i think it would bee more watered down, occadionally summoning a kitten skeleton to keep him company in his private office or something.

Umbrakinesis (ability to control the shadows) cool ability I don't think he uses it much unless he is preparing for a combat attack but the side effect is since he does not use it much, this ability of his is only able to be harnessed in darkness. Any flick of light as bright as the billboards in Seoul city or bright street lights can cause him to strain. He can also hence shadow travel but becomes really exhausted.

And just like all children of Hades, he can control the walls of the underworld.

Preferred choice of weapon: Stygian sword and gun

-Vincenzo is more accustomed to death and is both known as the Gatto Sazio and Reaper of Scum in the mafia, the latter name mainly for his affinity of eliminating the betrayers of the Cassanos. 

As the saying goes, “you either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become a villain.” This designation might also give some insight on how Vincenzo is emotionless to killing (since in most cases, rather than death, the killing is what traumatises you) yet Vincenzo Cassano is very mechanical when it comes to his kills, going the extra mile to toy with them. Maybe being the son of the God of Death might be one of the reasons he is so unaffected, though he has trauma through nightmares, it is safe to  say that for the most part he doesn't mind if he has to kill someone, he’ll carry out the order without a second thought if he deems the victim of his kill worthy of death as a consequence for their actions  as if he is almost reaping them. Yes his actions have caused unresolved trauma to him, but he has accepted it, made peace with it. 

Imagine a young 9 year old korean boy who has just assimilated into his new italian life, name and language only to realise that he was emitting strange powers, he could bend shadows and had an affinity for metals (which were not cursed). He would hear stories about the demigods who once roamed the earth and his own family’s ancestry which travelled back to one of the children of the big three. After his parents Matteo and Fiorella Di Angelo were murdered by a freak robbery incident Vincenzo Di Angelo found himself at the Cassano estate holding his family’s only heirloom of their ancestor, the Diary of Nico Di Angelo which contains tips of how to survive as a demigod of the King of the Underworld and a black Stygian sword . Imagine his mentor was a fellow demigod of Nyx, and taught him the ways to defeat monsters if he came across some, imagine him killing enough monsters both magical and mortal that he looks at himself and realises he is still alive, he has lived long enough and killed enough to become a villain forging his own path away from the gods.

Should I write this? Please someone write this so I can die happily.

Hong Cha Young 

Daughter of Eris (goddess of chaos/ mischief and strife)

Another close call but this time with the goddess Nike goddess of victory (because my girl does not like losing). But the more I think about it, our resident crackhead lawyer and her infamous theatrics are the main reason I chose her to be the offspring of this powerful goddess.

Headcanons borrowed and inspired by @pjoheadcanonsbyid65

“Usually very intelligent, able to properly assess any situation. Very good at finding weak spots in defences, in people or armies. those kids who can ask a question at the start of class and send the teacher on a spiral, making them completely forget about their lesson plan. Can send any room into chaos with two words. Make excellent lawyers. Will literally fight over anything”

This has Cha Young’s name written all over it. Though she loves her drama in life by creating it, she has the emotional maturity and can assess situations, has background knowledge and she is willing to create chaos for the fun of it. Just look at ep 6, 15 and 16 for her strong points in relating to this theory. She is a ball of chaos and though more toned down than the riordanverse wiki claims how Eris’ children usually are, Cha Young is pretty spot on with chaos surrounding her.

 Hong Cha Young thrives in the commotion and adrenaline caused by arguments, she is an ace in court because of it. She bribed her witnesses, but in ep one where she decimates her father’s case? All by herself, she wins over her father who has 22 more years of experience than her. She even enjoyed and wanted Pig's blood on Jang Han Seok and when the ensemble screams in shock and disgust she grins and giggles giddily on adrenaline. Want more proof? Look at ep 6 where the tenants cause a scene in court at the gallery, she smirks, she glows in the chaos and she wins. When confronted with Choi Myung Hee she is practically giddy over the accomplishment, mainly fed by the chaos. Hours later she doesn't let go of the scene and laughs about the chaos executed and how the judge gets stung by the Hornets. 

Since being the daughter of Eris means inadvertently she is a granddaughter of goddess Nyx the goddess of Night, she can also to some degree shadow travel and has the constant pull towards Vincenzo for no reason. Though the attraction is one, their magnetic pull is another that can vaguely be traced to their shared power of darkness. Cha Young has never harnessed this, and mainly uses chaos, but I figured Vin teaches her this as well as becoming a villain.

Facts from the Riordan wiki page

Children of Eris can be very unpredictable and persuasive

The children of Eris can shadow travel due to the fact that Eris' mother is Nyx.

13. Children of Eris don't fear the Underworld.

Children of Eris are able to make a room darker due to Nyx being Eris' mother and have the ability of Umbrakinesis.

7. Children of Eris tend to have a rebellious nature because they are fond of chaos and anarchy

Peferred weapon of choice: Most of the time are her pointed high heels which can cause severe damage if struck  by her kick in the place where the sun doesn't shine or a dagger knife or celestial bronze and cursed gold given to her by Eris the gold causes sharp prickling pain that intensifies for an hour before the victim gets treated, however the gold only works on deities and/or non-mortals (though she prefers to stab them in the arms and legs before running away, she doesn't like bloodshed and kept it locked up once she left camp)

Side headcanon: that Cha Young went to camp when young but since Eris’ cabin was not widely recognised she was embarrassed by her godly mother since she was the only Eris kid there, she preferred the woman her father married when she was three, to be her actual mother. Her father was a mess not knowing how to handle her hence he sent her to camp at the age of 10 causing her to bear a grudge against him. She went to camp until 18 where she was studious, even rivalling Athena’s kids in her pursuit to become a lawyer out of spite to beat her father in his own game since she knew very well the topic of law was the only thing that sparked a decent conversation between them, and even that soon spiralled into a fierce argument, and the louder they both got, the more the temper and emotional whirlwinds flared, the stronger she became, she emitted a sheen of confidence, the aura that spells: ‘You fell into my trap, it's too late for you' which she discovered in one of their many arguments being the observant girl she is, and it enhanced her willingness to unleash her dramatic flare.

Vincenzo teaches her to embrace the powers she is born with and the skills she has developed. She learns through this journey with him that your powers are best when put to use for benefit of others doc not define who you are, and if the actions are taken to achieve your goal, and your powers mean the world calls you a villain, then fuck their opinions because you live your life to win it.

[hiy-breadcheeks]

Setting you free.

PART 3 (Final)

pairing: bucky barnes x gn!reader

a/n: im gonna tell you the reasons excuses why this took so long: SCHOOL (procrastination, mostly)

One Two

warnings: mentions of trauma, literally just one swear word, science and psychological inaccuracies lmfao, horrible humor by the author, angst, fluff????

2022 © hiy-breadcheeks– don't copy, repost, or translate.

After months of therapy, his therapist, along with the scientist the government ordered to work with him, deemed Bucky ready to finally break free from HYDRA's Winter Soldier, and you're ready to help him every step of the way.

Finally Free

"I think you should be there..." King T'Challa broke the silence between you as you stared on a window, looking at Wakanda's beautiful nature. You were hoping to atleast find something peaceful outside because your insides were nothing but chaos and panic.

When you and Bucky arrived in Wakanda one week ago, Shuri immediately put him under her equipments to re-program his brain. The re-programming was successful but Bucky's trauma remained, causing him to turn back into Winter Soldier–albeit not as violent as he used to be–in the first to fourth time Ayo tried his trigger words on him. He doesn't attack first but he will attack when you get a certain distance from him and it used to take long hours before he's back to himself again, but after the re-programming, it shortened to one to two hours now. Even though he was the Winter Soldier, it still hurt to look at him at those times. It hurt seeing that even the brainwashed assassin was too tired to fight after all those years.

You knew Bucky was also emotionally, physically, and mentally tired at this point but he chose to keep going. He wants him out of his system and he'll do anything–suffer through anything to finally escape his past life and start a new one... with you.

You let out a long sigh, wondering when everything will end. "You know..." King T'Challa started again, looking at you. "We all noticed how much your presence helped him yesterday." you looked up, "No... he still turned–"

"Yes, he did. But he did not attack anymore, did he? He needs you, Kai." He whispered.

"As corny as it sounds, my brother is right, Kai." both of you turned towards the door when Shuri's voice rang through the room. "It seems like love is the answer after all." She chucked before turning to her brother. "He is ready."

The king turned to you and smiled. "Let's go?" you looked at him hesitantly before nodding, following both royals to a room where you were sure Bucky was in.

You stepped inside the room, your eyes immediately landing on Bucky who was sat on a chair. He was fiddling with the hem of his shirt, his vibranium arm still missing only looking up when he felt your hand on his shoulder. "Baby, hi..." he smiled. You examined his face. The bags under his eyes were darker than they used to be. His blue eyes were dull and sad. "Did you sleep last night?" you whispered, caressing his cheeks.

He shook his head. "No... nightmares."

"Sergeant Barnes, are you ready?" Ayo said. Bucky took a deep breath and nodded before turning to you once more. He held your hands and spoke "Go stand beside them, love."

You smiled, his actions were far from his words. It was almost like he didn't actually want you to leave because he squeezed your hand tighter.

"No," you walked in front of him and sat on your legs, holding his hand on top of his thighs. "I'm not leaving you."

"No. I-I'm... He hurts people when they're near him. I don't want you to get hurt, Kai."

You shook your head. "You won't. Today, everything will end, okay? Your nightmares, your pain–everything. You will not hurt a single person in this room, Bubba."

"But–" you stopped him by squeezing his hand before turning to Ayo. "Start."

"Longing..."

"Rusted..."

You smiled up at him, the first words didn't seem to affect him anymore.

"Seventeen..."

You felt his hand shake, squeezing yours tighter. Keep it together, Buck... you thought.

"Daybreak..."

His eyes that never left yours slammed close. He was shaking more and more. You took his hand and kissed the back of it gently.

"Furnace..."

His jaw tightened, hair flying in his face when he shook his head. "It's... not gonna work... fuck"

"Nine..."

"Baby, it will. You have to keep him out. It's your body, not his." you said comfortingly, wiping the single tear that started to fall from his shut eyes.

"Benign..."

Slowly, he opened his eyes. His teary ones meeting yours. Inside, he was having a battle with the Soldier. Fighting for his own body and mind.

"Homecoming..."

"You're doing so well, Buck. It's almost over... hold on, yeah?" he said nothing but nodded, not taking his eyes off of you.

"One..."

Inside, the soldier grew weaker and weaker. Why can't he fight Bucky when he was obviously stronger than him?

One more... you thought.

"Freight Car..."

He was glad. The Soldier was glad. His decades long battle was finally over. Bucky finally won.

Silence filled the room, everyone was watching Bucky, scared that he was the Winter Soldier once again. You and him never lost eye contact. You knew he won.

You smiled and stood up, his eyes followed you, making him look up to not leave your eyes. Gently, you pulled him up, making him stand and tower over you.

It was your turn to look up at him with teary eyes. "You're free." you whispered. Shock, relief, and happiness washed over his face all at the same time. "I'm free..." he repeated. "He's gone... I-"

You stood on your toes to give him a long kiss, pulling away when you heard footsteps behind you.

"Congratulations, Sergeant Barnes." Ayo said, a smile etched on her face. "Thank you for helping me, Ayo."

"Oh wait! I forgot something on my lab, be right back!!" Shuri exclaimed, leaving the room in a hurry.

The King just shook his head, used to his sister's attitude. With a smile, he walked towards you and Bucky. You stood in Bucky's right side, never letting go of his hand as both of you faced the King.

"Congratulations, White Wolf." You and Bucky exchanged looks.

"W-White Wolf?" Bucky whispered. "Yes. You will be known in Wakanda by that name if..." King T'Challa paused, looking and you, then Bucky. "Well, if you'd like to stay in Wakanda for a year?"

"A... year?" you cut in. King T'Challa looked at you. "I-I mean... of course we'd like to, it would be an honor but...why?"

"Well, after what he'd been through," he said, gesturing at your lover. "I think both of you deserve the peace and quiet, even if it's only a year." you nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I think it would do him good if he had peace after everything that's happened..."

"But you will be with me, right?" he asked, you nodded. "Yeah. I'm not leaving you. Ever."

Bucky faced the King and bowed. "Thank you so, so much for all the help you've given me, and now, for letting me–us stay in your home for a long time, Your Majesty."

King T'Challa waved his hands, "Ah, it is fine. I'm glad I was able to help a friend."

The three of you looked at the door when it opened, Shuri entered, followed by two guards who were carrying a container. "Come!" Shuri called out excitedly, you chuckled at her almost childish excitement before walking to the table where the container was placed. "Open it!"

Bucky looked at you before opening the container, revealing a black and gold vibranium arm. "It looks good." King T'Challa said, "I just think his old one looked boring and I'm sure no one wants to see that anymore so... I made him a new one!" Shuri exclaimed excitedly.

"Thank you. This means a lot. Really."

"Brother, move over. I'm gonna put it on him." The princess said, shoving her brother to the side and started fixing Bucky's arm.

After adjusting it, Bucky faced you. "So? What do you think?" he smiled. You intertwined your hand to his new one and looked up at him. "It suits you, baby. You look beautiful." smiling, he took a step closer to you.

"You're beautiful. You suit me." he smirked before kissing you. "I love you."

The End.

@fangirl125reader @raspberryyuuki

[ayamturd]

end│dreamwastaken

summary: dream was once your everything that you would do anything for; what happens when you finally confront the reality of his manipulation and sadistic destruction?

prompt: “we’re both at fault here, and now we both have to pay the price.” 

warnings: descriptive manipulation, a single curse word, angst

pairing: in-game c!dream

a/n: this is my entry for @sleepysoupi​‘s 1.8k event! it goes without saying how late i am considering she’s currently working on her 2.0k event, but still a huge congratulatory to her amazing success and obvious, well deserved recognition <33 we love soupi in this household, nothing less of the fact *^*

also i know the prison doesn’t work exactly like how i wrote it, but let’s pretend for the sake of this fic

wc: (1.6k) - m.list

“Don’t do this, y/n.”

The air was sticky and heavy. As the lava bubbled behind you, it felt as if the heat could reach out and smother you entirely; the subtle warmth that felt insufferably suffocating in the tight space was a large contrast to the dark, opaque walls. 

Although you stood in front of him by your own desire, habits quickly fell to place as he stood proudly above you. Chin raised, Dream’s shoulders were relaxed while he spoke to you. His words were firm, and with clenched fists, you swallowed harshly from his mocking tone. 

You could practically hear his condescending grin without looking in how belittling he addressed you, and you hated how familiar the speech was. 

“After all I’ve done for you, and you want to throw it all away?”

Despite all attempts, you unconsciously bowed your head down. Whether in unjustified guilt or the internal rage from his lies, you couldn’t say yourself. He noticed nonetheless, and played into your vulnerability further. 

He was the one defenseless in this scenario, yet he held all the power in the small cage between the two of you. 

“We made promises! ‘Till the very end, right?!” He began to raise his voice and feigned some form of heartbreak, taking a step dangerously closer to you while you stood there in frozen fear.

Staring harshly down at your feet, the weight of gravity pulled at your tears as they trickled down sparsely. This was different than when you originally confronted him mere hours ago. Here, you were alone and with no backing, no one to reassure you that you did the right thing. That he was a monster that had you blinded for so long.

That you were justified for betraying Dream. 

“Don’t play stupid with me now. You can’t act like I did this all alone. That I’m not the only sick fuck in the room who enjoys the-”

“Stop it,” you whispered with closed eyes. While your voice was small, it echoed so loudly and threw Dream off guard. He shook his head and with a dark chuckle, sneered disparagingly. 

“You really th-”

Your eyes opened as you unexpectedly interrupted him.

“No. For once in my life, I mean it. Shut your egotistical mouth for one goddamn second.”

Everything was in a frozen stand still as you snapped. 

Course tears ran steadily down your cheeks, yet your eyes held more strength than Dream could had ever perceived in that moment. It had been so long since you had lost your voice. Lost your confidence, your fire that drew him in in the first place. It had been so long since you felt like yourself again, the person you once were before he teared you down completely to his mercy. 

You swallowed sternly in exposed anxiety; when was the last time you saw his face like this? Saw his face at all, at that. 

The molten lava radiated the room, it being the main source of light in contrast to the faint glow of the lanterns built into the walls. When you had originally requested to see him one final time before he was officially locked away for good, you had no idea what you expected to see. You didn’t see anything, actually, since you couldn’t bring yourself to try and meet his eye line the entire time. 

Until now. 

As the magma shaded the room in a warm shine, his dull eyes gleamed a faded hue of ash green. His dirty blond hair was visible without his signature hoodie, his previous clothes stripped away and replaced with an attired uniform instead. He hid behind a mask for so long, it was surreal to see him as something so mundane and human.

Your mouth felt so dry from seeing him again. He almost looked like when you first laid eyes on him, that beautiful day when you thought you had fallen in love. How nice the sun felt, and how crisp the wind blew. The summer day was fresh and the sweet smell of honey pervaded the air. To think it was by mere chance he approached you in the white flower field, hidden in the depths of the forest with a charming smile and gentle hand.

How cruel reality liked to play with you and give you false hope that such love could truly exist. 

The memory brought a smoldering rage that made your heart race in return. Back straight, you dared a step towards him with a quiet, yet firm declaration. 

“I’m done making excuses for your lies. For your actions, for the hurt you cause, for you.”

Dream could barely register your words as you continued in growing fury. It was like the floodgates were open and you felt free to speak your truth. 

You were riding this new found wave and would hold nothing back anymore. 

“I let you get away with so much because I truly believed that I loved you. That my love could fix you, or change what you are.”

You stepped forward again, your finger shakily pointed at him. His mouth opened to respond but you spoke before he could try. You weren’t going to give him anything, you thought, he doesn’t deserve your silence.

“I went against everything I believed!” you suddenly yelled, “everything I stood for, everything I thought because of you!”

Your vision was a blur as your raw emotions came loose. You screamed from the top of your lungs to the point where your voice cracked with a head lifted high. 

“I let people get hurt! People I love and care for because I prioritized you over everything I had!”

Another step forward, your voice shook with quivered lips as a result of an ached and long scorned heart.

“To think I used to be so proud to say it, to say you were my everything and my world.” With a trembled exhale, you gathered yourself before finishing your thought. “Maybe I am stupid, but trust me when I say my ignorance was your freedom and my considered love a blind devotion.”

Dream’s face softened considerably, for he was at a loss for words and didn’t have anything to probe at anymore. It was his turn to suffer in a lost acceptance.

“I…”

Shaking your head, you scoffed with your head tilted in disbelief. Smiling darkly, you knew then and there you regained the power of the room and your self-assurance over him. How the turn tables.

“Funny how things change when you have no where to run. When you’re the one helpless and reliant.”

Standing strong with your arms crossed, you stared at him with such distaste. Dream’s brows furrowed with a clench jaw as he stepped even closer to you. He was now mere inches away and glared down at you from his given height. Even then, you wouldn’t back down any longer.

“I do love you, y/n. Everything I did, I did for us. You can’t leave me like this.” He gazed down with such intensity that your past you would have wanted to say something just to appease him entirely; you weren’t that person anymore, and you wouldn’t let him drag you down more than he already has. 

Dropping yours arms before stepping back, you messaged Sam without wavering your eye contact from him. 

“We’re both at fault here, and now we both have to pay the price of it alone.”

The sounded mechanics from outside the box indicated the lava dropping, signifying the end of your visit. Dream grew agitated at the thought of you leaving and dropped his eyes down in resent, a huge contrast to your relaxed and calm state. 

You moved backwards until your back threatened to be burned by the heat. 

“Here’s to loosing all those attachments you mentioned.”

Dream’s head snapped up from your words, but before he could attempt anything further, the Netherite divider rose and separated you both. The lava parted as you approached the platform, Sam visible from across the entrapping moat. He watched closely in regard to your safety and anything Dream might try with your back currently turned. 

Approaching the stone platform once deemed safe, you turned to face him a final time as the contraption slowly pulled you away. Your chin was raised, and your tears were dry in satisfaction to your found closure.

“You were right,” you affirmed, “we did make promises, and this is our end.”

Bonus:

Tommy had been tormenting Dream for the past few minutes or so, his obnoxious taunts a sign of recovery from all the trauma he had dealt with from his young age. He hid behind his humor, but was strong when confronting his abuser with no uncertainty then. 

“Who do you miss the most?”

Dream paused from fiddling with the leather of the book covers from the simple question. His hand began to curl around the thick material, and he drowned out Tommy’s rambling from behind him.

A familiar scent filled his senses, an old and precious memory uncovered from the oppressed depths of his mind. He pulled the book in hand open to a random, but intentional page, his callous fingers tracing over the stained ink.

He wasn’t an artist, and it easily would have been passed for messy, nonsense doodles, yet the drawing practically burned the paper as a reminder of his failed objectives.

The innocent azure bluets insulted him despite being his own creation.

Dream was done playing into Tommy’s confidence, and spoke lowly as his head turned further away from the boy.

“… I think you should go, Tommy."

[starry-skies-116]

Things you should never say to Gregory:

‘Let’s wing it- we don’t need a plan’ or ‘We’ll figure it out when we get there.’ (You wanna give him a heart attack? Then say those words- he’ll be instantly like ‘oh crap’. The higher the stakes, and the more dire the circumstances, the more he’s going to be like ‘please no’. He does have a straightforward and brutally simple approach to eliminating obstacles, regardless of the consequences, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a meticulous planner- he's not the type to simply dance or cry his troubles away anymore. He always wants to know what’s going to happen in every situation, and what exactly he should be expecting per every scenario. He does have a tad bit of a rebellious side, but only because he wants things to go his way to prevent any unforseen circumstances from basically ruining his life.)

‘Why can’t you take other people into consideration?’ (Again, he has introverted decision-making, and has long since decided off of being a people pleaser to save his time and energy on people who actually care about him, which is a wise decision in his eyes. If someone says this to him, they’re invalidating the absolutely excruciating standards he has put himself through in his past as the middle child of a family. When you say this to him, you’re asking him to defend a decision he has thought out and has finally deemed logical, and you’re doubting his self-awareness of risk assessment, which is, again, in his eyes, patronizing him.)

‘Why can’t you just be more practical?’ (Excuse me. His idealism has kept him alive for the longest time, and has been his only hope for the entire time he’s embarked on his journey to find his family and ‘fix’ his life. And now, you’re calling him a daydreaming twat at the most basic explanation. Just- leave the pragmatic thinking to his older brother, and leave him to follow his instincts and judgement and over-obsessive planning. Leave the extraverted thinking to someone else, and let him work on his already brilliant and talented tactical mind- his thinking process, his judgement.)

‘I don’t think I know who you truly are.’ (Gregory harbors his secrets- he has his fair share of trauma that he keeps in the dark, and he has a fair bit of skeletons in his closet- you don’t need to go prodding intrusively on whatever actions he does or whatever he thinks is best. But I will admit, he does need to work on not suffering in secrecy all the time, because this is in many ways, his fault- he just wants to accomplish his goals and live his life the best that he possibly can, and he can be pretty unpredictable because of his judgement and his tactical, scheming and crafty mind- but that doesn’t mean he’s stereotypically malintented, okay? He knows who he truly is, and that’s for him to know and him alone- not to be confused with his sense of identity and purpose, of which he flaunts.)

‘I can’t believe how selfish you actually are!’ (EVERYTHING he has ever done up until this point was for his family, and their livelihoods, and on the off chance that, being charitable, that Gregory could still have a livelihood- that there was still hope for him and his future that’s already been ruined and ripped to shreds. He is a reclusive and a secretive optimist. He may have been pursuing what was, at its core, a selfish dream, but under NO circumstances do you have the right to say such things to him and hurt his feelings because calling him selfish just because of his selfish and obsessive tendencies is just plain wrong.)

‘You focus on the wrong things.’ (Maybe he does, but he is still an extremely hard worker with a tactical, strategic and brilliantly creative mind, and he tries his best to remain organized and dedicate himself to his work, while also taking an amazingly structured approach to certain problems despite his solutions being very simple. Maybe he should learn not to take things so seriously, but still- don’t undermine or underestimate him.)

‘We’re going to do things in a different way.’ (Gregory, again, has a systematic and structured approach to how he thinks out solutions, and he is anything but a mediator- he’s analytical and strategic while also being strangely idealistic- he’s incredibly detail-oriented, and thus is very used to doing things a certain way- and despite symbolizing change and new beginnings via the butterfly, he does find it hard to accept some types of change. So if you try to force a new approach onto him, expect resistance of the highest order, to put it lightly.)