#like yes snape did possess that child a little. he just matches albus more than hagrid

[rewritingcanon]

people online be like" albus severus is such a terrible name!" and then proceed to suggest an even worse name

LITERALLY bro i remember being upset about the name too, but all i had to do was glance at the alternative suggestions and i was at peace again 😭

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

Yeah, so I read your HP headcanons/analysis and I found it really well put. I was wondering about your thoughts on Dumbledore and who he really was as a person. (It’s okay if you don’t really want to reply :> )

We’re just getting all up into The Carnivorous Muffin headcanon land, aren’t we?

Well, this one’s probably obvious to anyone who reads my work.

I fall on the manipulative Dumbledore side of things and then some. Dumbledore is not only a bastard man but is a raging misogynist and extremely classist (which is funny because I don’t see too many people calling him out for those last two when to me canon all but shouts it at you). 

Basically, what it comes down to, is even taken in very good faith I simply cannot read Dumbledore’s actions as benign in pretty much every single goddamn decision he makes ever.

God, where do I even start here? I guess we can go chronologically.

Well, there was Dumbledore’s Wizard Nazi youth with an oddly Dorian Gray flare to it with Gellert. I think it’s fairly obvious why Dumbledore’s not exactly... good there so I’m going to skip past it. Suffice to say, it took his sister’s death (and maybe murdering his own invalid sister) for Dumbledore to stop planning world domination. Even then it wasn’t so much that world domination was wrong, but because his sister died and he was an asshole.

I’m going to go ahead and include CoG and Fantastic Beasts because I can (CoG, while a terrible movie, actually does entertain me in many ways). Anyways, before the films came out I always considered the younger Dumbledore far more stoic and brooding. He doesn’t get his eccentric persona until after the defeat of Grindelwald and was before then angsty mcangsts and an academic at heart. 

Well, per CoG, apparently he was a budding spy master long before defeating Gellert/Voldemort popped up. We see him manipulating Newt, sending him to Paris as his own agent, WHEN NEWT DOESN’T WANT TO GO AND HAS ACKNOWLEDGED THAT DUMBLEDORE USED HIM INTHE LAST FILM. Dumbledore writes off having used Newt for his own agenda with a charming smile but none the less it paints a pretty grim picture that Albus has always been... Albus. There has always been a greater good out there somewhere and the man is always using someone as a pawn.

Cut to canon and his treatment of Tom Riddle. Frankly, Dumbledore’s treatment of the young Tom Riddle, and even Tom Riddle just before he came Voldemort, is insane. The thought experiment I like to run is “replace Tom in those scenes with Harry Potter”.

Harry was a poor orphan, whose guardians would more than match what Mrs. Cole said about Tom Riddle, who had spurts of accidental magic now and then and enjoyed when his bully cousin was discomfitted. Now, imagine Dumbledore giving Harry his letter, and then pretending to light all of Harry’s possessions on fire to “teach him a lesson”. What the fuck?

Now, am I saying Tom Riddle wasn’t creepy here and that killing a rabbit was terrible. No. But I am saying Dumbledore had a horrible reaction to it and is proud of it years later. (Also, the fact that he uses this memory to convince Harry of how evil Tom is, is hilarious to me. Dumbledore, you were the shit that lit people’s wardrobes on fire. If I was Tom, I’d be upset too). 

Dumbledore is always like this with Tom Riddle. He thinks the worst of Tom even in points where Tom hasn’t done anything. I’m not talking about later when, yes, Tom did live up to Dumbledore’s fears but when Dumbledore treats him like garbage and actively sabotaged Tom’s career.

Anyways, cut to later when the Marauders are in school. One of the big things is that Dumbledore puts up a guerilla resistance gang OF SCHOOL CHILDREN. While most members are older, James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, and Peter are all only just out of Hogwarts. “Well,” you say, “It’s their choice and they did graduate. Surely Dumbledore wasn’t actually recruiting school children.” I point you towards canon, where Dumbledore convinces three actual school children that the fate of the nation rests on their shoulders and to go fight the good fight. So yes, Dumbledore canonically uses child soldiers and has no regret for doing so.

The other is letting James and Sirius off the hook for the Lupin incident. While Dumbledore talks the talk this showed that he was not willing to walk the walk. True, while getting them into major trouble would have involved outing Lupin (who was innocent in all of this) at the same time they were nearly responsible for the murder of another student. It’s very convenient that Dumbledore lets off the rich son of a lord, two individuals who later end up in the resistance movement (Potter likely funding part of it), and tells the impoverished half blood to sit down and shut up.

And in canon, yes, I believe that Dumbledore absolutely knew what Harry’s home condition was like. While the blood wards are an excuse they aren’t a particularly good one as for most of Harry’s childhood the Death Eaters were all accounted for. Harry was in no extreme danger from them. To not have had an inkling of Harry’s home life (when Harry even hints at it when wanting to stay over the summer, Harry runs away from home in third year, Fred and George see the bars on the window, and he even visits Harry’s home in sixth year) would be such laughable incompetence and stupidity it’s right out.

With that, I absolutely do believe what Snape showed us in the memory, the Dumbledore behind the scenes as it were. That Dumbledore knew fairly early that Harry Potter was a horcrux and began grooming Harry for suicide. Specifically, that’s what sixth year really is. All those memories of Tom Riddle, the pretext to get some memory from Slughorn, it’s an excuse for a smear campaign designed to convince Harry that Tom Riddle is inherently evil and must die at all costs, even Harry’s own life. 

Dumbledore didn’t need that Slughorn memory. Sure, it was useful to know Tom intended to make seven but think about it. How did Dumbledore know there’d be anything remotely useful in there? He doesn’t know that Tom actually drops a number on Slughorn. Even then, he doesn’t know whether Tom actually goes and does it. All of it felt like, “Harry, I have a super secret important mission that only YOU can do. Can you handle it, Harry? Because without this the country is surely doomed” And in that I mean it was an effort to win back Harry’s favor after the previous year meltdown, keep him busy, and start in on the excuse to show Harry some pretty damn innocuous memories of Tom Riddle and go, “See, HE IS EVIL!”

Due to this, I frankly think that the train scene was a hallucination on Harry’s part. Wishful thinking for some gentle explanation of how Dumbledore had not cruelly used him for years and intended his death. 

Well, that and it never made much sense that Dumbledore could predict Harry’s a) becoming the master of death b) miraculous second resurrection.

In the first case, Harry becomes master of death because of wand lore bullshit and happenstance where Harry happens to save Draco’s life. Dumbledore had no idea such a thing would happen. Dumbledore’s plan was for there to be no master of death, as the wand would default to having no owner when Snape defeated Dumbledore on Dumbledore’s orders. That Draco got the wand is a sort of Deus ex Machina. Sorry guys, Dumbledore intended Harry to die.

More, even then, while Dumbledore was very into the occult of these things we leave canon without any idea if these things are even responsible for his resurrection. They’re just relatively nifty objects with a legend behind them. There was nothing concrete to suggest that, should Harry happen to get all of them, he would be able to rise from the dead.

Otherwise onto the misogyny and classism parts.

In terms of misogyny this is from every time Dumbledore talks about Lily Evans or Merope Gaunt. In the case of Lily, she’s this weird Madonna figure whose love for Harry was so powerful it saved his life. That she also happened to make these blood wards Dumbledore cannot reproduce and extended her protection to Harry wherever he went is irrelevant. It’s her love that counts. That feminine, maternal, love purer than all others.

Basically, Dumbledore seems to be of the belief that women are flowers. The best of women are these demure, selfless, brave women who sacrifice themselves for their children. Yikes, Dumbledore.

Merope’s the really bad one though. Merope’s tale is how she drugged and raped a defenseless muggle for months and then he escaped. Dumbledore spins it into this Victorian tale of woe where Tom Riddle Sr. THE KIDNAPPED RAPE VICTIM is the asshole here who abandoned Merope to the merciless cold world. How dare he. 

It’s very clear that Dumbledore doesn’t see Merope, or women in general, as people. Instead these weird Victorian ideals who can be tragic victims of circumstance.

As for the classism.

While Dumbledore’s very against the pureblood culture we see in the Malfoys a lot of his treatment of Tom Riddle feels very... classist. The big one, which is a little tangential but I say it counts, is Dumbledore’s theory that children of rape are incapable of love. Granted, he’s saying this while convincing Harry to kill himself for the good of the cause and there is a real world parallel in that alcohol/drugs while pregnant is a very bad idea that can lead to extreme mental and physical health disorders. That said, we’re talking love potions at conception, and it always read more as “rape babies” vs. specific drugs. And that is... just yikes on so many levels.

Now, do I agree with manipulative Dumbledore we see in many fics? No, because Dumbledore’s not that stupid.

He doesn’t need to borrow money from Harry’s vault, he doesn’t need to pay off Hermione and Ron to be Harry’s friends, he doesn’t need to choose Harry’s friends for him, he doesn’t need to manipulate Harry’s memories directly. He doesn’t need to do any of this because he got what he wanted just fine in canon.

Dumbledore is one of the smartest characters in canon, far smarter than Harry, and he doesn’t have to stoop to such outrageous schemes to get what he wants. Poorly concealed smear campaigns convincing Harry to commit suicide are more than enough.

[mylatinlinernote]

Unwanted Honours Part 3: Severus as godfather.

Part 1

Part 2

-The irony was not lost on Severus. As a misguided youth, his yearning for companionship was so agonising that it swallowed him whole and he had sold his very soul for the most superficial of associations with his former housemates. And, he would have gone even further for the spectacle and honours that awaited him at this particular deatheater gathering.

-His younger-self would have called him a fool for not showing gratitude for being showed even a tenth of the attention being bestowed on him by the dark lord that night.

-Severus groaned inwardly. For all the slytherin bombast about resourcefulness and cunning, his younger-self lacked the insight and perceptiveness to appreciate that the unwanted honour he was about to officially receive was a pointed insult to all that gathered.

-In the grand scheme of things, he was a relative newcomer to pureblood politics. Practically everyone else in attendance could count on a fairly untainted bloodline as well as a long-sworn family fealty to Voldemort which stretched back to when he was still known as Tom Riddle. Severus was a mere cheeky upstart in their world and to be declared the godfather of the Dark Lord’s offspring was as subtle as a slap in the face.

-It was doubly noticeable that no godmother was announced. Severus had presumed Narcissa to be the natural choice; Alecto Carrow if the universe truly hated him. As it was, the Malfoy’s had so fallen from grace that even Bella’s own family was deemed unworthy to secure the coveted role of guardian of the Dark Lord’s heir.

-Did Harry have a godmother? Severus didn’t know but the thought had plagued him when he wasn’t dwelling on his own predicaments. Lily was certainly very popular and had friends within the Order so likely, such a woman was probably dead. Then again, Lily had a peculiar sentimentality that was naïve at best, self-centred at worst; one that would lead her to believe that her older sister, the very one who felt alienated from Lily, frightened by her magic, and prohibited from entering their world could overlook all that AND an absolute bastard of a wizard boyfriend to declare Lily her bridesmaid.

-Loyalty was for Hufflepuffs, Severus chided himself, as he endured insincere platitude from yet another pug-faced Parkinson.

-Occasionally, he glanced across the room to Bellatrix. She appeared rather subdued, sneering no more than usual but had refrained from eradicating Severus from existence much to his surprise. Narcissa confided later that Bellatrix barely put up a fight when Voldemort informed her of Severus’ new role in their lives and now, Narcissa added with a pointed look, Bella was now taking an avid interest in undetectable and quick-killing poisons; all in the name, of course, of having more to talk to Severus about now that they would be spending much more time together.

-Although quick and undetectable were not Bella’s style in the least. Severus refrained from eating and drinking whenever in the vicinity of any deatheaters for the next 12 months.

-Dumbledore had little to say when Severus finally revealed the news at an order meeting. Lupin and Bill Weasley whooped with laughter while Tonks teased about whether there was a godmother. Moody attempted to interrogate Snape as to what Bellatrix’s birth plans were so that they could arrange a surprise attack while Kingsley physically restrained the former auror and dragged him out of the room.

-When the order had dispersed for the night. Molly asked if the baby was a boy or a girl. As it was the only question Severus could answer without feeling a little sick, he told her it was a girl. Molly smiled sadly and gave Severus a small pat on the hand.

-A small cup of tea appeared. Not large like the rest of the order got filled and refilled over the course of the night. A small cup. One that indicated that he was being offered tea for the sake of hospitality and would be expected to drink it out of politeness but in no way was he to stay longer than it took to empty it.

-Severus was prepared to skull the cup dry when a hoarse voice was heard from the doorway.

-“Did you have a godfather, Severus?” Dumbledore could only muster half a twinkle in his eye. Molly had left the room and was cleaning up in the kitchen.

-“Despite what James Potter would have you believe, its actually traditional to have a matching set but yes, I had godparents”. Albus tilted his head, indicating that he wanted to hear more. Severus sighed deeply.

-“I knew them, if that is what you want to know. They were not the sort to give extravagant gifts like Potter is accustomed to”

-It took every ounce of Severus’ willpower to not unleash about Freddie and Ms. Diane, but as he saw the cup refill and Albus’ blackened hand steeple with his unblemished hand Severus knew it would be yet another thing he could not deny this dying shell of a man.

- Freddie had been a mate of his father from when they were young. Gone to school together, to war together, worked together, and Freddie was even the best man at his parent’s wedding. Freddie wasn’t a jolly, cuddly man but when he was around, Tobias was a lot more tolerable. He would give Severus coins whenever he got good marks at school, which was often enough that he would joke that Severus would send him to the poor house. He died when Severus was seven in a workplace accident, from what Severus couldn’t recall. What Severus did remember was the funeral, the grief, Tobias’ worsening moods, and asking his mother if she could bring Freddie back to life, since she was a witch.

-Severus knew Ms. Diane better but remembered her more for her infamy than for her affection. Whenever Severus tried to recall her face, all he could only see Petunia. She was the neighbourhood midwife but had also gotten into a fair bit of trouble with the law providing other services to the local women. Tobias had banned her from the house but that never stopped her from coming to the door after Tobias left for work nor his mother from letting her in and providing bits and pieces private stores that even Severus was not allowed to touch. Ms. Diane’s friendship, Severus mused, was the only act of rebellion Eileen allowed herself despite Severus wishing otherwise.

-That is, until her returned home after a day idling alone in the park. His mother was crying and there were Police officers in the living room and kitchen, pulling apart and scrutinising their meagre possessions. Tobias was standing on the back step with a blank expression on his face, smoking heavily.

-Severus couldn’t recall if anything happened to his mother. But, Ms, Diane went to jail. She left Cokeworth on her release to move in with her sister Doreen in Surrey. Severus never heard from her again. His mother, however, kept up a secret correspondence for years but when Severus skimmed through the letters after Eileen’s death, Ms. Diane never made inquiries about Severus’ well-being.

-“ All in all, I have little to go by in the way of role models. Maybe, I can ask Mrs. Granger to research to topic for me for extra credit”

-There was a long silence as Severus reached the dregs of his cold tea. When it didn’t refill, Severus knew that he had satisfied the headmaster’s quota of vulnerability for the night. But a question still nagged him.

-“What of Potter’s godmother? Surely it isn’t Petunia…”

-He had expected a chuckle, but Dumbledore only shifted slowly out of his chair. As he stood, he looked evenly at Severus.

-“ I recall asking Lily that very question and if my recollection hasn’t failed me, she said that your friendship had been a very important and very consuming part of her life for most of her time at Hogwarts. As you very well know she suffered for it, albeit unfairly, your fellow classmates questioned her character and judgement.” Albus frowned “But despite all the new admirers and support she received for ending your friendship, dear Lily found that despite all that was horrible and distasteful in what you had let yourself become…” Severus winced, regretting that he had ever asked the question in the first place “…there was no one who could measure up to who you were when you were at your best.”

- A soft scoff was heard in the corner. Remus Lupin had returned, leaning against the doorframe and pretending to examine a very interesting section of wood grain.

-“Maybe you can take heart…” Albus shrugged and he turned towards the fireplace “…that while James Potter succeeded in gaining Lily’s hand, you would be the ghost in their lives just as she remains the ghost in yours.”

-“ Take your time Severus, we have much more to talk about when you return to the castle.” With a poof and flash of green light, Albus had disappeared.

-The werewolf shifted uncomfortably as Severus took particular interest in the dregs of his tea. He turned the cup over on its saucer and gave it a couple of spins; could Severus hope beyond hope that an omen of instant death would appear on the porcelain? Alas, the tea leaves revealed nothing.

-Remus appeared disconcerted with Dumbledore’s revelation and Severus wouldn’t begrudge the werewolf that. The werewolf was yet another idealistic pupil whose isolation Dumbledore had manipulated to his own ends in this great war and tonight was yet another reopening of old wounds and inadequacies.

-“What are you going to do with the child, once your former master is defeated” Lupin chided.

-Before disappearing through the fireplace, Severus answered, “The same thing that I will do if YOUR former master is defeated”.

-Decades later, when Delphini Riddle was sent to Azkaban, a wrinkle and much-handled photograph was found amongst her meagre possessions. Its magic long waning and most of the faces blurred, Harry swore that the silhouette was that of the former potions master holding a baby.