#like yes i was oversharing i was saying things that could easily be used by someone to come and kill me

[raazberry]

sometimes i really do wish i could go back to how i was online in the 2010s when the concept of being cringe or being an edgelord didn't exist in my brain

[astralwaifu]

Hi! Hi! Hi!!!

Remember me? It's the one who encouraged to do the genshin character compatibility trend i have been dying to do! Unfortunately, i couldn't find the person who i saw started this trend so here i am in your ask box doing this. So i guess you know how this thing works- like you send three characters to see your compatibility with, and then you send a little bit of info about yourself such as personality and hobbies. I love that trend so much and as much as i wanna stay sane, i wanna know if my favorites will actually match or vibe with me ehehehehe-

So anyways! Let's start!!!

Characters : Pantalone, Venti, and Diluc!!! My favorites!!!

Apperance (ft. Picrew) :

About me : So technically, i am currently a drained out student (and help me school starts soon), but i am studious and hardworking! My problem is, i cannot seem to focus on one topic at a time and i ended up forgetting things. I don't socialize much, yet i would always greet people with a smile. But i never had anyone else to share what i have on my mind (usually books and my own ideas) and i tend to overshare and sometimes change the topic that it gets all too confusing. I only have two hobbies, reading and listening to music. And i pretty much wanna stay indoors all the time and then be alone in a pretty, fairy-tale like place in nature sometimes. I am very much clingy, and somewhat get attached way too easily. And yes i do require headpats and cuddles because i never got any affection. And i get easily irritated and when i am pissed i get too far, sometimes. Yet i just want cuddles and affection because i am lonely, lol. Oh and i love stuffed animals and books and sweet-scented perfume as an addition. Also i have a fear of spiders, i pray at least someone can get rid of them for me. That is all ✨️✨️✨️

Author’s note: Heyya! Sorry it took a couple days, I got my nails done and can’t type as fast as before! We changed Pantalone with Welt from HSR, because for some unknown reason I can’t write him. Anywaaay, I hope you’ll enjoy this! Sending all my hugs to u. <3

Venti

I have a strong feeling that his outer persona is your inner one, so you sort of complete eachother in a way none of you really expected.

Although it would take a while to get used to his extrovert self, since you seem to be pretty much introvert, the moment you decide you are comfortable enough you’ll see a big change. Meaning - EXPECT UNENDING AFFECTION AND CUDDLES!!!

I swear Venti wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off of you - always needs to give you reassurance and to have you close to him. Would totally do the thing where he squeezes your hand three times to silently tell you he loves you.

Would show you the most beautiful views in Mondstadt, he knows every place worth seeing and knows which one will leave you absolutely breathless.

Whether you like it or not, he will sing to you all the time. You like a certain song? Expect to hear to it singed by Venti for the next two weeks, until you physically can’t listen to it anymore.

A small issue would be that he constantly need to be around people, to interact and be present, which you’ll find a little tiring. Loves to annoy you too so he could get a reaction out of you. Don’t worry tho, he will never cross your boundaries!

Overall, on a scale from one to ten, I’d give your compatibility an 8.5 .

Diluc

The moment I finished reading about you I immediately thought that Diluc is the one.

It’s just that the two of you are fairly similar, both in the way you are around others (although you are quite a pleasant presence, Diluc is just more grumpy) and in the way you share the same wish in your heart - to be loved by someone, held amd cherished despite your flaws.

And I can say that the two of you do a pretty good job at that. Main love language between you is physical touch, since both of you are touch starved. When you are around others PDA is kept to the minimum, but when the two of you are alone HE WILL BE ON YOU ALWAYS! Holding your hand absolutely everywhere you go in the Dawn Winery and around its domain, random back hugs and normal hugs, headpats whenever he sees you around the house.

Also kisses on the crown of your head and forehead (they are Diluc’s favourite form of intimacy), which make you feel so special and seen.

He will always find time for you despite his busy schedule. His favourite activity together is reading in silence next to eachother, shoulders touching, but each doinh his own thing. He is the type of person that would put your legs over his during this to help you sitt mor comfortable. You will absolutely fall asleep in his lap like that.

Carries you to bed when that happens - no one can change my mind !!!

The two of you strike me as that couple that doesn’t really fight and not because you ignore your problems. You really don’t have reasons to fight.

Did I mention you will never have to worry about bugs again? :)

He is THE MAN - 10/10 compatibility.

Welt

Loves to take care of you in any possible way he can. Mans just trying to make you feel as safe and as comfortable as he can. He loves you too much to have you feeling bad about yourself or lonely.

Indulges in all your little habits such as going rants whenever you find something you love. He’s listening to every word carefully, absorbing information. You will maybe think he doesn’t care, but in the next couple days you will find a lot of things related to your new book or idea in your room on the Astral Express.

He’s more mature and a big stand-offish, so expect cuddles only when you request them or really really need them. Doesn’t really initiate this kind of things. You will however have your hand held and head pat by him at all times.

Saved you more than once from Himeko’s bad tasting coffee.

His main love language would be quality time, you will find yourself sitting next to him anytime, anywhere, each doing his own thing.

Whenever the Astral Express stops on a new planet for a trailblazing expedition, he will take you on cute dates and a walk in the nature.

He gives me a 7 vibe. Maybe 7.5-8.

And little note to u : all of them would find you absolutely beautiful because, honestly, who wouldn’t?

[muffimtv]

tihesocyh

all of them except any youre uncomfy with i know its 40 pls

POEASE

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?- my friends, my relationship with gender, and my art

show us a picture of your handwriting?

this is the closest i got

3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?- lego batman movie, hercules, jaws

what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?- @fuzziecorpse it’s shakespeare’s fucking fault

what made you start your blog?- i had a lot of friends on tumblr and needed somewhere to post art

what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?- best part is for sure just the fun of making content! worst is all the judgement i tend to get (especially being a furry)

what scares you the most and why?- abandonment, because i have anxiety

any reacquiring dreams?- not really

tell a story about your childhood- i LOVED the paris catacombs when i was a kid. i would SOB because my parents wouldn’t let me touch the skulls and when they made me leave

would you say you’re an emotional person?- oh yeah

what do you consider to be romance?- i have a bit of a weird relationship with romance! it’s very hard to describe where i draw the line

what’s some good advice you want to share?- uhhhh dont die?

what are you doing right now?- watcjing lego batman movie

what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?- jump into a pool from the balcony

what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?- my bedroom late at night or my partner

if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?- i want to be more patient

name 3 things that make you happy- fandom, cats, art

do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?- i think that it’s statistically unlikely we’re alone in the universe. as far as ghosts go i think they’re a neat concept but i don’t really believe in them

favourite thing about the day?- warm sun

favourite things about the night?- stars

are you a spiritual person?- not really?

say 3 things about someone you love- so so kind, so so silly, and makes me feel incredibly loved

say 3 things about someone you hate- homophobic cowboy piece of shit

what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?- being a good sibling

fave season and why?- autumn, it’s the perfect temperature and weather almost always (side note: it’s literally my namesake)

fave colour and why?- purple, it’s beautiful

any nicknames?- muffi/muffin

do you collect anything?- books, plushies, fabric

what do you do when you’re sad?- play sad music

what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?- my friends

are you messy or organised?- both. my space usually looks like a disaster but i know exactly where evrrything is

how many tabs do you have open right now?- uhhh 28

any hobbies?- all of the above (reading, drawing, sewing, bookbinding, making playlists)

any pet peeves?- that squeaky sound balloons make

do you trust easily?- yes

are you an open book or do you have walls up?- chronic oversharer 🙏🙏

share a secret- i don’t really keep any? see above LMAO

fave song at the moment?- save a horse (ride a cowboy)

youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?- film cooper rn, he’s funny as fuck

any bad habits?- picking at my lips AUFH

[edge-oftheworld]

“yknow as a fandom I think we could do a better job of appreciating Sierra Deaton”

No just have less appreciating Sierra cause she’s been anti-black, a creep towards fans, invalidated a 5sos fan’s mental health because they’re a fan, trauma dumped on young fans and overshared, slut shamed Ashton, and so on and so forth

hey anon!! Thanks for this concise little list. But seriously, thanks for making me think and pull together a bunch of ideas in my head; I hope in this essay really you can see some of my thought process. I can’t imagine how hard it’d be to be reaching out with something really hard and expect compassion and get a negative interaction instead—if that was you or whoever it is I hope they’re doing better and finding community and people who care. And I don’t want to pretend she’s perfect or has done everything right, we know that’s not how it is, Sierra knows that, Luke knows that, so does, idk, God.

and I’ll admit I’m a bit old fashioned when it comes to cancelling people and I do like to try and see the good in people where possible—sometimes imo it’s the only way to get any positive change. to look beyond the superficial where someone might lash out—is it in malice, or fear, a momentary impulse they might regret later or maybe realise for some reason were pushed to a point where they couldn’t manage anything better. I know I’ve been to that point and I know how I spiral if I don’t know how to forgive myself. I also know this is a fandom where shit gets real and we’re young and hurting and sometimes that just makes us defenceless against our idols and those around them being human, and the shitty side of human we all have potential to become too. And we live in an era of systemic racism and lack of access to mental health services which both causes and exacerbates so many issues that, was the world not so anti-black; had every mentally ill child and youth a support network in real life (instead of the way many of us often spend years only ever feeling seen by the songs we listen to, 5sos songs easily filling in that need)—we might be a little more able to be like ‘wtf that’s not cool but that’s a her problem’ and move on. and can I say we do deserve a world that doesn’t discriminate. And in order to get what we deserve we have to make it. and in order to make it we have to learn how to do better and let people learn to do better—these people aren’t going anywhere. somehow bad people have to turn into good people and yes in order to do that they have to be made accountable. Repentance is truly a beautiful thing; it’s also something that can’t happen when we feel scared and in our survival brain. When we feel like that we tend to easily get into us vs them and dig deeper into our (often wrong) convictions and that’s actually an evolutionary response to when we have to fight against predators; we don’t have time to think ‘but what if they’re actually in the right’ when we’re fighting for our lives.

and this isn’t the place to psychoanalyse Sierra. I don’t know exactly what goes on in her head, I don’t know if she’s sorry or even remembers these things but I do know the rift between her and fans has been quite heated and even scary at some points over the years. And maybe I have the privilege of never being someone who has been hurt by her to have grace for the fact that ‘gotta be nice to this fan they’re having an experience of a lifetime to be interacting with my partner and I’m gonna give the benefit of the doubt that they’re not one of the individuals in a sea of fans who all look identical to me sending me death threats’ is a hell of a lot to put your brain through every single day. If she (and it’s not if, we know she did) make mistakes. If there was too much trauma to hold and she put it out on the internet to cope in a season of her life. If the insecurity became jealousy of one of the most important people in her s/o’s life which became insults that were thrown around back in high school before everyone realised how uncool they were and tried to stop using them but they were still burned in their brains to come out on impulse (I actually have no idea how that specific event went down, or if there were one or multiple). I hope they sorted that out internally; I don’t know what else I can do but trust that it’s something they’re capable of doing and care for each other enough as a group of friends and songwriters to do.

I wanted to save the lateral racism example for last because I feel like everything above is kind of a metaphor for it, if you follow. I’m coming from a place where I’m southeast asian and part white living in a largely western country, so is Sierra, so I’m automatically going to see her as ‘like me’ (and can I say how rarely I get this kind of representation?) whereas if you’re black, or if you find your experience more relatable to blackness, then you’re going to experience this very differently. I can’t know your experience. I also know that asians can be brutal in this area: it’s the reason my childhood best friend hasn’t told her dad she got engaged to her partner nearly a year ago. Lateral racism isn’t okay. But unfortunately what happens is often when you’re discriminated against in some ways we’re conditioned to take the side of the oppressor against someone who’s discriminated against in other ways. It’s all ‘okay maybe I’m x and I should be y but at least I’m not z’ and again it’s that evolutionary survival instinct to not be at the bottom of the pile; channeled in horrible ways into today’s society. It takes a lot of effort and self awareness to be like ‘we’re united in this experience of being oppressed, together we have the power to make a stand that this is Not Cool’ and most of us fail the first few times. but what’s important is we keep trying. we can all heal together when we do.

so anon I have no idea who you are or your background or how much you’ve had to wrestle with this yourself, if you’ve had to stand up against communities who were hostile, if you’ve had to do this while being discriminated against from outside as well, if you know the experience of not fully being one race but not fully being another etc. and also you’ve got no obligation to like Sierra, this is such unsolicited advice but this whole release period for boy ep I’ve really just been thinking ‘it’s healthy to feel our feelings even when it’s not always pleasant isn’t it’ and wherever that hurt is please love it embrace it bring it into the light whatever you do to realise you’re valuable and you don’t have anything to be ashamed of. even your mistakes and where you’ve hurt people and regret that, you’re gonna grow so much from that and have so many chances to do better. maybe you’re young and you haven’t had the chance to hurt anyone yet. I hope you manage to stay that way but if you do, I hope you can forgive yourself too. I hope you dip your toes in activism for Black Lives Matter, for mental health, for sex positivity, I can see you really value these things and that’s really encouraging to see.

and in the end: sometimes I have to be annoyingly human and come down to the fact that I really enjoy the songs that Sierra writes. I’ve fanned enough about gothic summer on this blog already. I enjoy the things she writes and so I listen to them, and I’m not actively boycotting Sierra specifically, I love the creative outcomes when she works with 5sos as a whole, with Luke, with other artists I love as well. As a result I do care about her as a person, I always do, and hey, I respect her funny little routine donations and the undertones of her UNICEF donation back in October and the random animal sanctuary and the occasional nod to some Australian mental health charity.

I’ve inferred a lot about how much more relaxed and at ease and free to feel things and process life at his own pace Luke seems to be with her than beforehand—and the fan in me who’s so protective of these guys just desperately wants someone to be there for them in ways that really matter and I feel like we have seen that, even despite the often rocky nature of the relationship between Sierra and Luke’s fans. Luke is someone I relate to a lot, and there are some experiences that are really hard to come back from, and I’m really proud of him right now and I do get the impression being with Sierra has really helped him get there. I don’t know for sure, I could be wrong, but I’m always going to be grateful when celebrities get to be human and not have their lives and choices dictated by fans either directly or indirectly. I’ll take the allies I can in my activism and even if there are criticisms around sincerity I do generally see Sierra trying and I want to appreciate that. I don’t want to say she hasn’t hurt anyone ever and I pray for resolution and peace for the fans, for Ashton, for her, for the Black community in general, for everyone who’s been hurt in the wake of colonialism and the generational trauma it breeds. And then I’ll go listen to bloodline and think, maybe in some ways we were born inheriting the sins of our parents before we knew better. But every day I discover ways of choosing better and compassion takes us so far and I hope every day I learn a bit more about how to channel that.

thank you for the ask, it really got me thinking and the opportunity to compile some thoughts I’d had that I didn’t realise formed a neat little mindmap around Sierra as a case study!! Much more fun than regular sociology. And I didn’t even get to delve into the political history of Saigon that I’ve been trying to understand more about!!

[svnarin]

haha another moment of me oversharing let's go ANYWAY THANK YOU LYNX FOR THE TAG MWAH <3

01. what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

family and friends; self-expression; and whatever the hell happened to me back in 4th/5th grade (it was something bad)

02. show us a picture of your handwriting?

you guys might think that it's bad but idc as long as i can read it

03. 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

hm, not sure on this one but probably child's play 2 (1990); world war z (2013); and resident evil: the final chapter (2016)

04. what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?

♪ more than anything ♪

05. what made you start your blog?

i wanted some friends who have the same interests as me

06. what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

best part is i built a lot of friendships and met a lot of lovely people and the worst part is having to see some weird and toxic people

07. what scares you the most and why?

losing a close family member because i have no idea how to go on with life without them + my dreams being just dreams because it will mean that i have destroyed and betrayed myself for nothing

08. any reacquiring dreams?

me dying from a car falling off a cliff

09. tell a story about your childhood

when i was around 3-5 years old, i swallowed a moth ball, thinking that it was candy

10. would you say you’re an emotional person?

i literally cried 1 time yesterday and 2 times today over a honkai star rail quest

11. what do you consider to be romance?

maybe the fluttery feeling when you do something that people deem as something romantic?

12. what’s some good advice you want to share?

stay true to yourself

13. what are you doing right now?

waiting for my phone to charge

14. what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been too scared to do?

cutting off some of my friends that i've been friends with for more than five years because their latest actions have been affecting my mental health badly for more than a year now

15. what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?

wherever my family is at and hanging out with my best friends

16. if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

i would like to have a long attention span

17. name 3 things that make you happy

my cat, neferpitou; having a fun time with my best friends and family; and making progress with my drawing skills

18. do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

yes and i still firmly believe that i've seen one ghost on campus

19. favorite thing about the day?

birds chirping and natural light

20. favorite things about the night?

silence

21. are you a spiritual person?

i don't know.. no idea

22. say 3 things about someone you love

you were the prettiest art i have ever seen and the most beautiful poem i have ever read. but as much as i wanted to be your biggest supporter, i hope that you get everything you ever wanted and i hope i never hear a thing about it. may this be the only universe and lifetime that we meet.

23. say 3 things about someone you hate

i will never forgive you. i hope karma gets you. i will return.

24. what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

i'm making progress with myself

25. favorite season and why?

autumn/fall because i like the vibes

26. favorite color and why?

green because of nature and red because it suits me

27. any nicknames?

jepay/epay

28. do you collect anything?

letters and small trinkets

29. what do you do when you’re sad?

sleep and/or vent to my family

30. what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

my cat, neferpitou

31. are you messy or organized?

i'm organized once every six months

32. how many tabs do you have open right now?

three

33. any hobbies?

playing video games; watching documentaries or video essays; and drawing on my sketchbook

34. any pet peeves?

not using the oxford comma

35. do you trust easily?

unfortunately

36. are you an open book or do you have walls up?

i'm an open book if you try to get to know me

37. share a secret

no.

38. favorite song at the moment?

the night we met by lord huron

39. youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?

not really obsessed, i just watch all of her vids (rotten mango)

40. any bad habits?

i cram a lot of work and if i ever think about the possible consequences, i just shrug it off #yolo

questions I think would be fun to be asked

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

show us a picture of your handwriting?

3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?

what made you start your blog?

what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

what scares you the most and why?

any reacquiring dreams?

tell a story about your childhood

would you say you’re an emotional person?

what do you consider to be romance?

what’s some good advice you want to share?

what are you doing right now?

what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?

what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?

if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

name 3 things that make you happy

do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

favourite thing about the day?

favourite things about the night?

are you a spiritual person?

say 3 things about someone you love

say 3 things about someone you hate

what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

fave season and why?

fave colour and why?

any nicknames?

do you collect anything?

what do you do when you’re sad?

what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

are you messy or organised?

how many tabs do you have open right now?

any hobbies?

any pet peeves?

do you trust easily?

are you an open book or do you have walls up?

share a secret

fave song at the moment?

youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?

any bad habits?

(this post was stolen from @teenage-mutant-ninja-freak, since it couldn't be reblogged anymore)

[abroadlifeactually]

A Quest for Survival: Hunting for Friends

Friends are the single most important thing you need to survive living abroad, and you need to make them fast.  Living abroad can be very isolating (doubly so if you’re a new mom), I imagine it contributes to why many people end up moving back to wherever they are from. Especially where I am, because there is NO small talk. It might be a cultural thing, or it might be that I’m a foreigner who probably doesn’t speak the language, I’d say it’s 90% the former. The introvert in me lives for the fact that I can just be in my head, chuckle at my podcast, and daydream uninterrupted. But on the other hand, it severely hinders your ability to meet people.

My friends and family are half a day away, so when we first moved, my husband was the only person here I could talk to. We were living in a hotel at the time, so whatever alone or privacy we got during covid was eradicated.  I was still breastfeeding, so I wasn’t all that motivated to leave the house, which meant the only people besides my husband I talked to, was our realtor, and an interpreter who took me to the Driver’s License Center to sign up for a driving test. Instantly, I became an oversharer. They both knew how I met my husband, anecdotes about my single life, and my breastfeeding schedule all within minutes of meeting me. I only met the interpreter once, I try not to think about what her impression of me must be because it makes me cringe. I ended up turning to Facebook…yes, Facebook.

Facebook is a really good resource for people in this situation. There are tons of Facebook groups that cater to different audiences, and I joined them all. Surprisingly enough, the Facebook groups were able to sustain me for a little while. I never posted anything, but my history as a long time lurker of various messageboards finally became useful, and kept me somewhat entertained. One thing I found interesting was that sometimes people would make posts looking for friends. I agonized over whether I should do something like that, but I just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t good at making dating profiles, I realize this wasnt that, but it felt similar.  I’m not good at describing myself, and certainly not in writing. I don’t think I have a photogenic personality, if that makes sense, I think I just come accross better in person. So a post looking for friends was out, but I figured I would try to go to at least one social event advertised…I didn’t. To be fair, the social events I saw that seemed like they might be fun, also made me feel like I’d be the old b*th at the club. I had to find another way.

Making friends as an adult is hard. Most adults find friends at work, or through their kids, which applies in this situation as well. Since I don’t have a school age kid, and the only job I can easily get abroad is teaching (which was a non-starter), I had to increase my social media activity. I started following a bunch of instagram pages of groups, businesses and people in my area just in case there were opportunities to connect. A lot of the stuff I saw definitely catered to a younger crowd, which makes sense, since that would most likely be the crowd that would be able just up and move to this side of the world. Now don’t get me wrong, the fashion loving/ party girl in me would love an evening out, but 1, we didn’t have childcare which meant going alone which is something I hadn’t done in YEARS, and 2, the idea of anything remotely clubish exhausts me. My watch starts flashing that the noise decibels are too loud… and it is too loud. Those days for me are long gone.

Eventually, at the suggestion of my husband’s colleagues we joined a private social club. I realize that this sounds extremely privileged, but it’s a great landing place for families like mine, new to the area, that might not speak the language yet, or know how or where to find things they need. It softens what can feel like a crash landing, especially for kids and trailing spouses, as we’re called. They host lots of events and opportunities to meet other expats and locals, so we joined in the hopes we might meet some other couples. They also had in-house sitting services so on Fridays, my husband and I would go to the bar for happy hour. Except, the sitting service closed at 5pm, so we went at 3pm and left just before 5pm, missing any actual HH crowd or specials. We were often there basically alone. It was still nice just to get out of the house and have adult time. 

One Friday, after 5 months of extreme family bonding, we met who I can only describe as an angel. A brotha walked into the bar. In general I was happy to see him because we weren’t sure we’d meet any black people at the club when we joined. He immediately came right over and said hello, which was also shocking because up until that point any black folk we saw in passing would avert their eyes. My husband and I came up with a theory that, if we saw a black person and they smiled or acknowledged us, they must be tourists (that hypothesis hasn’t changed much). The heaven sent brotha chatted us up for a bit, and then he invited us to an event for Black families the following day. There we met what is now our family. It was such a sigh of relief. We met a few other black expat families that would be here for the same time frame. Our lives changed from that day on (we had also just found our apartment which felt like a miracle after a long hunt). Our friend group is amazing, we now spend holidays and vacations together, we celebrate each other’s wins and birthdays, and offer support however we can. They make living far away from home enjoyable. 

My advice to anyone moving abroad is to join as many facebook groups as you can. It truly is the best start to meeting people and getting answers. I’ve met other amazing people outside of my core group of friends since being here through facebook forums. Of course be active on all the other social media platforms, but don’t neglect Facebook.

[cinnamonest]

It goes without saying that in regards to enablers, Baizhu definitely has a place on that list. While Albedo has all the lovesick bastards of Mondstadt covered, Baizhu is the go-to man in Liyue for when you need less-than-legal or otherwise suspicious substances of a certain nature. I mean, he's the ideal candidate, especially when he has such a strong confidentiality policy. He's legitimately loyal to it too, he tells the Millelith that very same thing, whenever they come to inquire about his most recent customers, under suspicion that one of them may be a kidnapper or otherwise connected to a recently missing person. He says that it would be breaking his confidentiality to tell them anything, and in his line of work he needs trust from the community, surely they can understand... even under pressure, he doesn't budge, leaving the guards huffing and angry over it, but there's nothing they can do.

However, he's smart enough to know that trust on one end isn't enough. If you tell someone not to worry, their secret is safe with you, they don't always trust you, they may very well rat you out as someone who is involved in illegal activities and then ditch the area before you can reverse-snitch back on them. It's a sort of response to paranoia that people often have instinctively. Thus, to his customers who need a bit of secrecy for their purchases, he makes no attempt to hide the fact that he's no different from them. In fact, it helps him land sales if he can relate to his customers. Yes, yes, this tiny little bottle is enough to knock someone unconscious for up to four hours, it's that potent! He would know, he's made use of it himself, it worked marvelously. This will render them paralyzed for a short time, this will have similar effects to intoxication, this is a muscle relaxer that will let you use their holes without resistance, this is a sedative that will keep them calm... each one he guarantees effectiveness based on his own positive experiences with it, and can provide details on how to use it based on his testing. There's a wide variety of choices, hidden behind the counter, available upon request, but he assures he’s very familiar with each one.

And he honestly has no fear of being found out, he's gotten to where he can spot the type the moment they walk through the door, he can look in their eyes and know exactly why they're there. Likewise, the one time the Millelith tried to send someone undercover to find out if illegal substances were being sold, he could tell exactly what was going on. The real ones just... have a look in their eyes that a normal person doesn't, one he's mastered spotting. Poor Gui gets pushed to the side and told to go fetch this or that from the back whenever one walks through the door, so that he and his customer can have a little talk by themselves... and his regulars know to ask for him should poor clueless Gui be the one behind the counter when they come in.

Unfortunately, a lot of rather clueless individuals come seeking some sort of love potion, something that will make their beloved fall in love instantly... he can only sigh and explain such a thing doesn't exist, but he has the next best thing, powerful aphrodisiacs. Works like a charm... well, they'll probably be angry after the effects wear off, but you can easily have them restrained by that point, no? It's one of his best-sellers, actually, they keep coming back for more of what they practically revere as a magic elixir or the like, it makes their beloved say they love them and grind into them and beg for -- okay, okay, he doesn't need to hear the details, a simple praise is enough. Why do all of his customers insist on oversharing? Ugh.

He also doesn't discriminate in regards to his customers, doesn't care who (or what) they are or where they hail from, as long as they can pay the price. Well, except for the case of that one adeptus that keeps coming back, he gives it to him free of charge, a thank you for protection of the land and all that, as much as he laments the loss of potential profit. But no, he says, he can't help him with the problem he keeps describing... poor thing is so dense he's just been outright trying to force his poor little beloved to drink the aphrodisiac, and is genuinely mind-blown when Baizhu suggests putting it in their food or drink instead, as if it's some genius idea he hadn't thought of... sigh. He easily makes up for the financial loss with his other frequent customers, though.

For the rest, he's free to charge whatever he feels they can pay. Unlike his less-hidden options, he can change the prices depending on the customer for these matters. After all, it's already illegal, there's no need to abide by any laws of fairness. Thus, when he sees blatantly wealthy customers walk in (another thing he's trained himself to spot in an instant), he knows he can make better profit. That little rich boy that keeps coming back is paying through the nose to get the same things he charges others less for, yet always has the money ready... same goes for that tall, pleasant man that comes in, on breaks from the funeral parlor. Well, he's not certain if he actually has the money to back up his purchases, but he's agreeing to buy everything anyway... both of those two go for sedative types of medications, things to make their beloved a bit more... docile, without actually knocking them out. It works wonders, they say, their beloved has never been so submissive and compliant... they both praise his products highly, which he appreciates. 

Such markets require a sort of social networking to stay alive, though, and that's why he’s grateful the rich boy recommended his friend to the local pharmacy as well. Poor thing looked so nervous walking through the door the first time. Thankfully he didn't actually bring his wealthier friend in tow, otherwise Baizhu would have to admit to overcharging that one... so he can afford to charge this one a bit less for the same thing. He initially comes for a knock-out sort of concoction, comes back for a little bit of everything else. Always stuttering and nervous about it... he once got so nervous he practically went berserk in his pharmacy. Thankfully he paid a bit extra after breaking some things once he calmed down... and he continues to be a loyal, returning customer, so that more than makes up for it.

Not that he needs the social networking, since, again, he can so easily spot it in their eyes. It's how he earned his most recent returning customer... not exactly a 'regular' like the others, seeing as he's often gone from the area for long periods of time, but he always end up coming back at some point. It doesn't take an eye as sharp as Baizhu’s to recognize a foreigner, the Inazuman clothing is quite obvious, but he immediately spots that dark glint in his eye, despite the fact that the young man is so pleasant and soft in nature. He wasn't there for such things, no, only for some vitamins to prevent the onset of scurvy and other such ailments while out at sea... but that being said, the moment Baizhu quietly mentioned that he thinks he might have some other things he'd be interested in, the boy's whole face perks up a bit. And it doesn't take much convincing, he rather quickly admits that such things would be of use to him. Not that he has a lot of money, but the first-time discount (which Baizhu made up on the spot when the boy gave a sheepish laugh and admitted to barely having any mora on him) is worth gaining another loyal customer. He will go to any extent to gain repeat customers, or better yet, regulars -- he doesn’t always know their names, any details of their case, why they have chosen to do what they’ve done to another human being and how -- and he doesn’t ask. It’s better that way.

But at the end of the day, he's very assured in the quality of the products as well. Even if he wasn't a master of his craft, he has the perfect little test subject for each and every thing he makes, quietly hidden away in his own dwelling. Not that his beloved is entirely willing... but it’s fine, he loves the little tears in their eyes and the hoarseness of their voice as they beg to not have to take any strange medicines tonight. But, they haven't had to take anything in several days, he reminds them, so he merely sighs and shakes his head, he needs them to be good for him and they'll get a reward, alright?

Even if they don't agree, it's not like they can do anything, when faced with the threat of what comes after repeated refusal, or the one time they got so angry that they swatted his hand away when he was trying to get them to drink, and got it spilled all over the floor... that only happened once though. He made sure it never happened again.

[rudikawhy]

1. Are you named after anyone?

No

2. When was the last time you cried?

This morning when I watched the first episode of Hawkeye (I cry pretty easily and often, mostly because of movies/series, but also because of other reasons, so)

3. Do you have kids?

No

4. What sports do you play/have played?

Currently nothing, I did judo for four or five years, I think, and I enjoyed batminton in school but I didn't do any other sports outside of school

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Yes, probably more than I realize

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

I'm not really sure but I think the way they approach others (whether it's a very open way or they want to be part of a conversation but don't really know how to do it, and so on). But I honestly can't say for sure

7. What's your eye colour?

Officially (as in my ID) it's blue, but I'd rather say blue-greyish

8. Scary Movies or Happy endings?

Happy endings all the way (I don't mind if it's thrilling or suspenseful on the way but not scary as in horror movies)

9. Any talents?

Not being able to give short answers to simple questions. Oversharing. Overthinking. Also, I'm pretty good at binge-watching and being obsessed with certain franchises/fandoms (Somtimes I play a game with my friends where they say a characters name of a movie franchise or series or something we all/both know, and I say the actor's name who played them. It's fun but I'm not as good as I used to be at it). And remembering little things about people (not everyone and not always, but often I am surprised why I could remember that but not the meanings for stylistic devices I was supposed to learn). I can't think of any "real" talents

10. Where were you born?

Germany

11. What are your hobbies?

Well, most of it I already answered in (9). I really like watching movies and tv-series, sometimes drawing/painting, though lately it's become more some kind of digital drawing (I used to go to a painting school for eight years once a week, but since our teacher closed the course, I couldn't find the motivation). I like to make lists of everything I'm interested in, and share my thoughts no one cares about. I like to write stories, though it's hard to find motivation lately. Oh, and of course: I'm in the stage team of my university's theatre group (since over a year), I like theatre in general and musicals

12. Do you have any pets?

No.

13. How tall are you?

1,67m/5'5'' (I think that's the correct feet and inches)

14. Favourite subject in school?

It changed over the years but at the point of graduation it was German, English, Latin, and Theatre (because I couldn't decide, and still can't)

15. Dream Job?

I have no clue. Seriously. Absolutely no idea.

Tags:

@maraudershead

I don't have any other mutals who haven't already been tagged

15 Questions 15 Mutuals

The rules are: Answer the 15 questions and tag 15 of your mutuals.

ty @trvbblemaker for the tag :D

Are you named after anyone?

not that i know of

2. When was the last time you cried?

like last week after the orthodontist lmao

3. Do you have kids?

i have plants

4. What sports do you play/have played?

i did gymnastics and dance now i do nothing~

5. Do you use sarcasm?

it's somewhat of a coping mechanism

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

how they dress/their hair

7. What's your eye color?

hell if i know

8. Scary movies or Happy endings

happy endings :]

9. Any talents?

i'm rlly good at overthinking and ignoring problems (like genuinely tho ig i'm good at art)

10. Where were you born?

america 🇺🇸 (i hate it here)

11. What are your hobbies?

crocheting, watching shows, drawing

12. Do you have any pets?

cat named otis <3

13. How tall are you?

i think technically 5'4 1/2"

14. Favorite subject in school

art

15. Dream Job?

something i don't hate hopefully in an art field

no pressure tags: @newtness532 @lirdgorl @rainysaturdayafternoon @justkeepwalkingnothinghere @snek-amiga @deusetco @crayonssmellgood @arshemelsoe @lizvi @bbreaddog @noworneverphantom + open tag

[sporadiclilbook]

Can I request a Claude x reader x Sylvain fic with an s/o who acts coy but is actually scarily perceptive? Like they notice Sylvain's inner turmoil almost right away and they notice the echoes of Claude's trauma in being ostracized and alienated and their care manifests in extremely subtle ways. How would they react once they find out that they're pining for the same person?

I hope ya like this anon! Hoping that this is how you wanted it too. Golden Deer!reader for plot reasons.

Truth of your mask

(Yan!Sylvain x Perceptive!Reader x Yan!Claude)

You hummed as you walk through the halls of the academy to get to the dining hall. Everything was going normally, nothing much was happening other than getting a new teacher. A former mercenary no less. However you can't seem to read them at all. Not even when you try to talk to the new professor. No smile, no frown or pout. Just.....blank. Usually it was pretty easy considering how most people is full of expression, but your new teacher was like a blank canvas.

It interested you, truly. Perhaps you can continue to observe them and learn a thing or two. You sit down at one of the long dining tables to dig in into your favourite meal. You ate a bit slow considering there was no need to rush. You suddenly heard someone sitting right next to you and immediately knew who it is. "Is there something you need, Sylvain?" You asked as you blow softly on your food to cool it down. "Nothing just checking up on the most attractive person I know."

"Stop it Sylvain, there are lots of other attractive students here too you know....." As you pretended to blush and faced the opposite direction of him a bit. Now you may not be the best with close ranged combat and prefer to strike afar but you admit, you were quite good at intel gathering. Whether it's playing a shy role or feigning ignorance, you think you were quite the expert at it. "No need to be shy now babe, show me that beautiful eyes of yours." Sylvain was a tom fool to you, to think he would easily fall for this act is hilarious to you.

Slowly looking at him, you predicted that he would be wearing that same flirty grin that he always have talking with literally anyone he fancies in the academy. "I-uh....my eyes aren't exactly that extraordinary." You quickly averted back your eyes to your food. Eating it up a bit quicker now. You would have looked at him longer but everytime you do you felt something was off with him. You've seen him flirt around before. His expressions was all the same. It was a typical playboy face. It was different of course when he was alone. There were times when you catch him spending his time in solitary. That's when you notice the pain he has.

It looked like regret and weight of responsibilities. Doesn't help that he is the heir to House Gautier because of his crest. You approached him once, when it was raining, to talk to him a bit. Sure he was annoying at some times but letting him stand there looking so miserable didn't felt right. Of course this doesn't reveal your perceptiveness to him. To most it would look like he had a bad day but to you? You knew he was clinging onto something negative. Something he can't run from.

Ever since that day, he always seemed to make an effort to speak with you. Sometimes Felix or Prince Dimitri will berate him for disturbing a student from another class but there was no real harm, were there. Maybe he just want to make you one of his flings. At least that's what you thought until you see it in his eyes. It was not an usual flirty eyes. It was not lust or some kind of playboyish ones.

It looked like infatuation. Genuine infatuation.

That's when it hits you. It must have been something related to his past. Was he not loved by his family? Is this why he was seeking flings, hoping to finally find the one? Did he decided you were the one simply because you talked to him to ask if he was ok?

Perhaps you were wrong. There are times when your expertise was wrong. Rarely, yes but the chances are not zero. But for now, you will keep him at an arms' length. "Nonsense, your eyes shines brighter than the stars." You smiled sheepishly at him. Not knowing what to respond. He was about to talk more when suddenly a new yet familiar voice join. Your house leader, Claude.

"Well well if it isn't Mr.Smoothtalk, he's not bothering you right (Y/N)? What am I saying of course he is." Claude was like you, observant. But he only looks whats on the surface and not below. But who knows, he was quite eccentric. Maybe he does know you're feigning ignorance. Maybe he doesn't. But then again he would have talk to you about it. He's secretive but sometimes he will overshare his thoughts, ones that has no purposes anyway. You remember the day you enrolled here. Being a citizen of the Alliance automatically sorted you into Golden Deer. He was nice to you. Welcoming you and showing you around. In fact all of the Golden Deer was. Leonie might said something without thinking at times but she would apologise. Raphael was a gentle giant. Hilda was lazy but you reminded her of Marianne and that wanted to make her put in effort.

Claude was always all smiles and schemes. Even so, not even he was immume to you. When you spot him in the crowds of students it was clear as day. He felt isolated. Different. Foreign even. It intrigued you. Why would he felt out of place? Could it be tied to the fact he suddenly show up as the grandson to the leader of the Alliance? As curiosity plagued you, you made an effort to befriend him slowly. Pretending to have problems with class that you known he was good at and even picking up a bow sometimes seeing how his heirloom relic weapon was the bow Failnaught. He learns about you and vice versa. One of his simple mistake was when he invited you for tea.

He served you Almyran tea. He asked what you think of the tea and you just said tea was tea. Just like how people are people. The blend is different but in the end, it's just another beverage. He seemed delighted at your answer and you were delighted at his actions. He was Almyran or half-Almyran. It make sense seeing how Lady Tiana eloped a long time ago. Even after years, people talked about it. You decided to keep it a secret. You didn't really care about his heritage. What only matters to you was bringing back the cat that was killed by curiosity with satisfication.

Oh however. He too, had the same look upon his face. The same as Sylvain's. No one notices it, only you did. From their expression to their subtle acts. How Sylvain's pick up lines sounds like him courting you instead of flirting. Claude subconscious favouritism over you. And it scared you, truly. What were they planning exactly? Does Sylvain needed someone to finally let out his trouble thoughts to? Did Claude wanted to see if he can become vulnerable around you and reveal his secret himself to you? What is their true motives?

"Oh? Hello to you to Mr. House Leader. No need to worry, I'm not bothering them too much." Claude sat to the vacant spot next to you. "Yeah I can see that. But talking to someone who is enjoying a hot meal isn't that nice you know." You continued eating as you ignore their bickering. At least neither of them would talk to you and instead hurled passive-agressive responses to each other. When you finally finished your meal, you stood up. "You're done already (Y/N)? I was hoping I could talk to you a bit but see you at Golden Deer I guess." It was clear as day that Claude specifically said to meet you in class as in a mockery to Sylvain. "U-uh, yeah....see you at class Claude..." With that you returned back to class.

Claude and Sylvain sat together in a tensed silence. But they knew why they were still sitting here. The still noisy atmosphere of the dining hall proved perfect to conceal their conversation. "(Y/N) huh? Not a bad taste but I'm afraid you can't have them." Claude chuckled at Sylvain's statement. "Can't have them? They're in my house. They're Golden Deer not Blue Lions. And you think you have a chance?" Sylvain gritted his teeth at him. "And so? That won't stop me." Claude just shooked his head at him. "Oh Sylvain, maybe if you didn't use all your brains for pick up lines you'd have a great chance. It's unfortunate we liked the same person." Claude smirked at him. He knew the day Sylvain kept pestering you that he was also lovestrucked like he was. But Claude thinks you don't deserve someone like Sylvain. While Sylvain thinks Claude is trying to take advantage over your 'meek' personality. Seeing how schemeful he is.

"Bring it on then, Riegan."

"Don't hold it against me when you lose, Gautier."

[aris-ink]

Me at the fact you suddenly can't read

JKDKDKLDK I couldn't resist

But anyways 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

It really is awful, though! I'm sorry you've had nightmares since you were a kid, and it sucks about the insomnia being recent. Mine appeared when I was in secondary school, so I feel you about it being recent. It sucks 😩. It's always the case when you try a variety of things, but nothing works. I'm really glad you mentioned this to your psychiatrist, though. That's fantastic! And that he gave you the sleeping pills to help you 💞. For me, it was the reverse (depression, then insomnia 🤗) JDKKDKD, and that's incredible that you got a good night's rest after trying that out! I feel you about the grandma thing (because same), back aches, and the likes on my end + other pain, so I can only imagine with fibromyalgia 🥺

What's the truth? Sorry KSKDKDK, I'm having a hard time keeping up because I'm stupid, and my brain is slow today ASHDJFK. But I couldn't have said it better myself, it really is horrible when you can't rest at night because of nightmares and it really is difficult to deal with, especially the detrimental effects on your mental health 🥺💕. Also that they don't typically start for no reason, too. But you're okay, my love! You don't have to apologise. It's just something I'll have to manage 💖 but yes! I am too 💚 and hopefully that's the case for you too — soon enough ��� I'm returning the hug and love right back ♡

You're welcome 💚💚 I'm glad you're talking about it! I'm here anytime you need to talk. My DMs are open 🥺🤗 and especially as someone who has gone through a similar thing — I really do understand, and I could easily say the same about you being wonderful and sweet 💕

Also — don't worry about oversharing. You need an outlet on some scale! kskdkdkd

oh look, I suddenly gained back my ability to read 💖 sdhagwgdgs I love you <3

thank you my love, that means a lot to me... ❤️ and honestly all of this taught me that asking for help is important! I didn't have to struggle on my own for so long. no one ever should. 🫂 aw don't worry about that 😭 I'm really tired so my brain is super mushy as well. I meant that what I said about you and this topic is the truth - it takes a lot of strength to get through things like that, and you are very strong. and so kind too, which can be difficult when everything around you sucks, so 😭 that takes strength as well.

I am so sorry though, no one should have to go through such experiences, I wish no one had to 🥹 gimmie all your nightmares, pain and bad moods angels idc I'm used to a lot of things, but not to seeing people suffer, I will never get used to that, I hate it so much 😩 I truly hope your depression got a little better as well, I hope that you appreciate yourself and your strength always and see how much light you bring into the world ❤️

thank you so much sweetheart, mine are always open for you as well, for anything ❤️

I'll try 🥺 sorry to the people who are here for the smut and now have to see me rambling lmao ❤️

[thehazbins]

"Appreciated, though I'm a bit more open to it than you, I appreciate the sentiment all the same." They smiled and gave a little not. It was not snark in the words bit more open to it than you, it was simply a statement, and not untrue. Their actions had made it quite clear that they would be open to a spicy romance at the drop of a hat.

They shook their head. "Marrying and having his children doesn't necessarily mean that you actually loved the guy... I've seen it many times over the years, dear Jillian. Folk marrying and having kids- only to realize they married for the wrong reasons, or something." Lux gave a little shrug, uncertain of other folks' reasons for marrying but they knew that it wasn't always love.

"I understand, I'm going to be honest..." They paused, considering before they decided to continue. A smirk playing over their face. "Half the excitement for me is the fact that I get to spite heaven in doing so." They gave a laugh and an almost bashful smile.

They rose a brow at her threat. "Oooh, why don't we go for whips or paddles instead? We can improvise with the boots and newspaper though if you like." That all too comfortable smirk and a wink accompanying it.

"There's definitely photos out there too- I've done it all... Worked the industry for many years before television or the internet were much of a thing. Lots of it being photos." They nodded. "So if you're ever lookin' you can find some for sure."

Luxury chuckled. "Yeah- I mean I won't disagree with you, it was just... entertaining watching him fumble to address me when it came around to talking again. I felt a bit bad, but we were excited, couldn't help ourselves. Plus- we were married, it was well within our rights. We even honestly, thought it was private. I could just tell by his face perhaps it wasn't so private." They chuckled with a shrug. That form was not one they used anymore anyway so it was largely irrelevant.

"Oh- I know. I do love her still. Despite the years. If I got a chance to see her again it would be like no time has passed." They smiled gently. "And of course, I enjoy sharing with those who take the time to listen... Most just take the first offer of a quick fun time and go on their way."

They listened, their attention fully, properly on Jillian. Their eyes unwavering as she explained what made her say yes to dinner with them tonight. They chuckled lightly. "I appreciate that, it's true- I've got plenty of people who want to fuck me if I was so desperate for that. It's not something I need. Even if I didn't I wouldn't pass up a new friend for a one time fuck." They stated rather bluntly. "Sometimes it's nice to have a bit of variety in those you associate with."

"Maybe a bit of both, I know for me it's both." They stated simply, they didn't talk about Mara much at all. So it was nice to talk about her and they could easily see themselves oversharing or otherwise just sharing things they didn't usually.

Jillian's face softened at Luxury's assurance that, should she imbibe too much, they wouldn't push further. She hadn't assumed they would attempt something like that with her (though unfortunately, she was well aware many sinners didn't share that kind of decency) but to hear it said aloud was still assuring all the same. "Understood. An' even though I dunno if fallen angels can get drunk, same goes for you." she promised. Jillian smiled fondly at Luxury, as her story came to an end, "Ya bet I loved him- I married 'im an' had his kids, after all." Jillian said. The change in the way Luxury spoke was noted, and though Jillian didn't make mention of it, she nodded after their statement. "It's not like I can' see why people like sex jus' for the fun of it- it feels nice, an' it's excitin', and sometimes ya jus' wanna feel somethin' with another person." Jillian said, peering down at her lap, "I guess I jus' never really worked that way. I mean, don' get me wrong, when me an' Johnny were together, it was wonderful, an' I was always excited to be with him like that...but I never felt like that with someone else, 'specially someone I jus' met." she said quietly. There was clear worry as she spoke of the topic, even as she did her best to force it away, telling herself that Luxury wasn't like those other people, they wouldn't hold it against her.

At any rate, Jillian was glad to move on, laughing softly as Luxury once again suggested trying to seduce her in the library, "You can keep tryin' doll, but just know the risks- I got two boots an' rolled up newspapers in my arsenal!" she said with a giggle. She shook her head at the mention of the television and internet. "I don' watch tv or use the internet. An' I never really got the appeal of video pornos like that. Now, photos are-" Jillian paused, face turning cherry red. Memories of having her best friend at the time come over, helping her take pictures she'd never imagined taking before, to mail out overseas to her husband. Cheeky smiles and winks and letters that said how she loved him but if any of his fellow soldiers saw them there's be heck to pay when he got back and then he never did. ...nah, she didn't think she wanted to share that tidbit just yet. "...a-anyways, I'm jus' not a porno person! Oh, except books- I do appreciate a good bodice ripper from time to time." she said. Her eyes widened as the other confessed to several quite daring locations, covering her mouth. "Oooooh, someone's been real naughty~." she said teasingly, stretching the words out not unlike a child who had caught someone misbehaving. While she'd never been very pious in her adult life, she still didn't think she could imagine doing something like that in a church. The stigma was just not one she could've broken. Jillian listened with rapt attention, as Luxury spoke of his time on Earth. The way he described it, it was probably quite a long time ago. Hearing the other had been married too, Jillian seemed slightly surprised, though she didn't comment on it, wanting to hear further. She giggled at the part of the church elder being extra quiet around them, "Well, it's hard to be a pious man of the people, when there's a beautiful angel and their wife makin' love near your house!" she said, before offering Luxury a tender look. "Ya said you could tell I loved Johnny a lot, from how I spoke about him. Well, ya sound the same when ya talk about Mara...thank you for tellin' me all that." she said. Giving a moment of quiet, Jillian spoke up again, voice soft but the smile was back on her face. "I almost forgot- ya wanted to know what made me think you were special. Sorry, I got so swept up in our stories, I nearly forgot." patting her mouth with a napkin, Jillian began. "I guess, aside from the fact you're a real knockout in the looks department...ya seemed more honest about it, than the people who've tried before. Lotta guys out there aren' subtle 'bout what they really want, so they're an obvious no. An' really, even the half-decent guys out there got expectations. A handful don', but I don' wanna lead 'em on an' give 'em false hope. Feels cruel, an' I'm not about that." she said, motioning to Luxury. "But you...you were so upfront 'bout everything. Ya even let me decide if this was gonna be a date or not. Even some of the more decent guys would always be like 'Just one date, an' then ya never have to talk to me again'. But I could tell, even if I'd said it wasn' a date, an' we were just hanging out...you'd have been okay with that. You'd be okay with jus' having me as a friend. Heck, ya jus' proved it again with that toast." Jillian pointed out, shyly looking away as she poked a green bean on her plate, "I like that even if I can' fall for ya, you'd still wanna be my friend." she said quietly. Even as she said it, the fact it brought up memories in her mind were not lost on her- parallels she'd never thought she'd make. Shaking her head, Jillian let out an embarrassed laugh, "Sorry- I didn' mean for things to get so real so quick. Guess I've jus' haven' got to talk about this stuff in a real long time. Or maybe you're easy t' talk to. Heck, maybe it's both!"

[piteouspeculiarity]

Defining Home: Extended Author's Note

Warning: This might contain spoilers for the series

(For clarity, when I say 'Tommy' etc in this post, I'm talking about the characters from my fics, not the content creators themselves.)

So it's done, huh? This note will include the sappy shit, the fun facts, then some of the more serious stuff, because I just didn't want to add an essay to the end of that chapter.

First of all, thank you all for the support along the way. Defining Home is easily my most popular series of fics I’ve ever written and I’ve been writing fanfic for years now. The comments and the kudos and the bookmarks were so very validating when I was new to the fandom, and still are. Hell, people have gifted me fics and written related fics to Defining Home, which blows my tiny mind. I haven’t gotten the chance to read a lot of them yet (procrastination I know thy name), but when I do, I’ll be leaving my best comments in thanks <3

I'll be honest, when I posted the first chapter of Enough, I never expected it to turn into what it did.

That first chapter was written in my phone notes at 3am, hours before an exam. I hadn't interacted with the fandom at all at that point, didn't even have a Tumblr for it, but boy oh boy did I get a warm welcome.

The point is, that first chapter was a very spur in the moment thing, mainly consisting of one scene I couldn't get out of my head (Tommy on a train to Wilbur's). I've gotten a few people telling me since then that they wished that they could write as well as I can, which is a huge compliment, but every person can write a fic like Enough. There are things that we all struggle with when it comes to writing: dialogue, prose, starting scenes - I have my own things I struggle with, things you might have noticed, things you might have not. You don't have to be a perfect writer to tell a story, especially in fandoms, where betas are easy to come across.

Write your story, even if its just for yourself. Posting that chapter gave me the chance to make new friends and I'll never stop being grateful for that.

One of those friends is Kat, who I've mentioned a couple times in the author's notes, but who honestly, I owe a lot to. Kat has encouraged me and been one of the main motivators to write this fic when I felt like it would never be finished, or that I'd never live up to other people's expectations. Sometimes, that meant motivating in some weird ass ways, but hey, it worked.

People who know me in discord servers might know that I'm a simp for Kat and it's damn true. Kat, I love you, you've improved my life more than you know in the last couple months and you deserve so, so much happiness.

In fear of love reciprocation from Kat, we'll move swiftly on to the more fun side of things.

Anyone feel like fun facts? You might already know some of these because I tend to overshare in author's notes, but I'm pretty sure some of them are new to all of you.

Barney the dog? Named after my own late labrador, who I love very much and loved to jump in lakes and need rescuing, time and time again.

I had no plans in moving Tommy in with Techno, hell, I had no plans in Techno moving to England at all. It was as much of a surprise to me as it was to everyone else when he told Tommy the news, but I latched onto the idea and ran with it. I think it worked out okay, in the end.

Techno has a draw in his bedroom full of parenting books, most of which were stolen from Phil.

After Tommy asked for help about what to do with Dream, Wilbur sent Dream a dm telling him he better not fuck anything up and if he did, Wilbur would not hesitate to humiliate him in front of millions of people. It was unnecessary, of course, but Dream was definitely a bit more cautious about what he said when he listened to Tommy’s explanation.

Some of my favourite things about writing Defining Home:

The Tesco v Asda discourse. Look, some of you just need to accept that Asda is the superior shop and get off your Tesco stanning bullshit. /j

The offers I would get for new chapters, some honourable mentions being newborns, siblings, diamonds and kidneys.

Now, I know that as much as I tried to, I won't have managed to include everything that everyone wanted from Defining Home, whether that's certain confrontations or scenes, I am sorry if I haven't included.

I don't imagine myself writing any more in the series, not because I think there isn't more I could write about, but because as a whole it feels complete to me, and any added oneshots I write would disturb that.

Right now Defining Home feels well rounded in a way that I'm proud of. The minute I realised that Enough was going to turn into a series I planned out how I wanted it to work. Maybe its just the maths part of my brain, but I like how there's three fics, with three chapters in each and how Tommy heals as you progress throughout the series.

My aim for the series was for the tone to get lighter as you went through, because yes, things kept happening (confrontation with dad, beach incident etc) but the point was that Tommy dealt with those things in different ways that he would have earlier on in the series. I have lots of thoughts and lots of emotions about how he felt safe enough with his family to experience nightmares and such. I made an effort in The Truth Behind Family to include more fluff, especially in the last two chapters, because I think it’s important to show that yeah, his parents’ abuse effected him, but it didn’t dictate how he lived his life. 

Like yes, I could write about their first Christmas together, for example, and add it onto the series, but I don’t think that I’d be able to do the rest of the series justice in that. Defining Home is largely about what the title implies, Tommy discovering what words like ‘home’ and ‘family’ mean beyond what he’s been told he’s stuck with and I believe that by the end of the series, he’s been successful in that. 

I'm so proud of the characters I wrote, Tommy in particular, for how far they've come in Defining Home, but I think that in a way, it’s time for me to let them go.

That’s not to say I’m done with writing for sbi! Hell no! 

I have a couple long fics in the works and a one shot I’m working on. The main fic I’m excited to focus on now Defining Home is finished is heavy heart, heavy head, heavy hero which, to put it simply, is an sbi royalty au, where unfortunate circumstances mean Tommy is forced to become King. It’s going to be a little more plot focused than Defining Home was and I am so very pumped to give it my full attention instead of leaving that lonely one chapter on AO3 like I have been doing.

I was 🤏close to making a Discord server, but ultimately decided I’m much more suited to causing chaos on other people’s servers than running my own. I think at this point the karma would be too great to even consider making my own server, so if you’d like to talk to me on Discord, keep an eye for me on other people’s servers - I mainly lurk, but I’m pretty active on one or two :D

On a more serious note, Defining Home deals with some heavy topics and I’ve had comments tell me that they relate to Tommy’s situation and wish that they had their own found family to run to. 

This Tumblr post has a list of phone numbers and places you can contact if you need help or want someone to talk to. Saying that, I recognise that a list as long as that can be daunting, so feel free to shoot me a message and I can either help you find the right one for you, or keep you company for a bit if you need it. 

Not all of us are lucky enough to have our own found family, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t forever, or that you’re alone. My dms and ask box are always open if you want someone to talk to.

Keep yourselves safe <3

- Lee 

[golbrocklovely]

Thats is something i started noticing about Stas the more people talked about it. Firstly i think all the girls Tara, Devyn etc are way too comfortable with the fans in that they are a open books and overshare (i.e Devyn with SnCs podcast). But the other girls talk about themselves and Stas doesnt she talks about the boys. She can post whatever she wants, her interests, her dislikes, her routines. But the second she starts talking about them and promising content without consent i think thats shady af. She started her subscription service on snap before she did on ig and she would promise people stuff like group stuff and anything they’d ask her response was “i can do that”. Obviously i think Katrina has more leverage as Sams actual girlfriend but even she doesnt tell people everything, she teases and clickbaits but wont say. Both her and Kat have another website where they post daily, the name doesn’t come to me right now but Kat liked a comment about it not long ago.

And i know people have taken a fancy towards Stas because of the way she is presented in the boys videos but prior to their Oregon trip, people already were sus on her since then because of how she spoke about them, as soon as they forgot and they started accepting her she went full in and took all this whatever thing with Colby is thought to be and ran with it. Its beautiful to have a platonic friendly friendship with him but dont make it into something its not when he keeps claiming singledom and apparently deleting content of them. Yes hes touchy feely but using that and liking things after people assume stuff is not the way to do it, maybe he hasnt caught on, maybe he doesnt know how to approach it, but given how little actual photos shes posted of Europe i believe she had a talking to.

stas talks about herself a lot, which i think has caused her to feel like oversharing about snc and kat (when she's with them and all that) is something normal. i had another anon on here complain about how everyone knows everything about stas bc she tells her fans anything they want to know about her. and while i agree that if she wants to overshare, that's a choice she can make. but when it comes to snc and kat, she really shouldn't be telling fans anything.

so far, from what i've been told, she's just telling fans where they are when they go to some of these places. my thing is, if that really is the case, why is no one talking about it? why is no one sharing the proof of her doing this or at the very least telling her to maybe not tell everyone where they're at? it's not a safe or smart thing to do bc whether or not the ppl wanting to meet you are just fans, they could easily be dangerous or turn that way once they don't get their way.

and personally, i didn't even remember she existed until snc and kat started hanging out with her frequently. like, i forgot she was kat's friend from back in 2019 that was around like twice until she started appearing in snc's videos. so… if ppl felt sus about her then... idk how you could tbh.

and as i've basically stated before, while she probably knows posting pics or vids with colby gets her attention or views or whatever, she's not doing anything in the pics that would suggest something more is happening between them. and if she wants to like comments and weird shit related to him and her, whatever. she can say all she wants or make fans think whatever (if that's even her plan or motive in the first place) but clearly colby doesn't feel the same as her and anyone that pays attention to him would know they ain't together.

the least of my concerns is what she does with colby. my concerns are with her posting or telling fans where she's at, if that's what she's doing. and if she did get told to chill out, good. she needs to.

[daisies-write]

And he said “nope” - Part 2

Deal with the Devil

Hisoka x weak!reader; soulmate AU

Ok so we decided to go with a light and fun story! I suppose it isn’t what’s expected of a Hisoka x reader but with Ari we had so much fun imagining different scenarios where both are forced to work together, it just started to take life on it’s own! I hope it won’t be disapointing for you and that you’ll like this serie as much as we do! @kuuredere​

-Yasu

Previous chapter / Next chapter

TW: none

Writer: Both of us ! (Ari and Yasu)

Word count: 1965

    This is how your "contract" began with Hisoka, with one simple deal: to continue with your life without being disturbing each other, as if you two never met. You would never work together anyway. You had morals and Hisoka was… Hisoka.

    But strangely, since then your life had seemed to take an ominous decline and you were starting to wonder if the Universe had something to do with it. Too much had happened in too little time: losing your car, having your apartment infested with cockroaches, and finding out that your partner might be having an affair. Well… it couldn't be worse, after all.

    " You are fired. "

Ah. It could, actually.

    You were sitting on a bench somewhere in a park, with a big box full of your things lying at your feet, trying somehow to reach your partner on the phone. After the fifth call, you gave up. They must have been busy ...

    You clapped your hands over your eyes, sighing loudly, twisting in your head everything you could do to find a job that paid as well as your last but there were very few options and the remaining ones didn't appeal to you one bit. You weren't desperate enough to striptease yet, that's for sure, and going back to babysitting was a big no.

    "Maybe they were right in the end," you mumbled in your despair. “I'm not meant to be a Hunter and I'm not made for the big city.” A sad chuckle escaped your lips. “A real little peasant, haha. "

    As if trying to mock you, the sun and the sky were extremely bright that day. Or maybe it was to support you...

    " Well! I got this! I will not be discouraged for so little! "

    You got up on your feet, determined, and then sat down again almost instantly.

    "I have nowhere to sleep."

    You expressed yourself with yet another long sigh. If only you hadn’t met this Hisoka, if only you hadn’t gone to see that damn battle at Heaven Arenas with your friends, if only you had said no, your life surely would have just as chill, like it used to. Seeing in color was fun but not necessary.

    "I don't like pink," you thought as you saw a kid make a big bubble with his chewing gum.

    "My, it looks like my kitten is doing badly ~," said a voice you recognized all too well.

    Slowly turning your head to the side, you could finally confirm your fears: Hisoka was looking at you with a big smile, a hand on his cheek and mocking eyes.

    "Hey, Satan," you answered instinctively.

    He laughs at your words.

    "I’m pretty sure I’m even worse, but thank you nonetheless."

    “Go away. I don’t have time to mess with you. And like, don’t you have a fight today?”

    Hisoka shrugged.

    “The guy isn’t worth my time, that’s all.”

    “So you thought about stalking me?”

    “I thought about watching children play but I found you like you would find a wart,” he said nonchalantly.

    You just started at him, genuinely creeped out.

    “Get out of here, pedo.”

    He laughed again.

    “Make me.”

     “The sexual innuendo of this sentence is way too big so you better stop using it unless if you want to bang me,” you said, unphased. “But there’s a hint: you ugly.”

    “Wow!” Hisoka placed a hand to his heart, a pout on his face. “You didn’t seem quite so aggressive last time. Something bad happened?” His eyes found your box and his smirk came back. “Fired?”

    You said nothing, but the displeased expression gave him confirmation.

    “Your fault.”

    “How’s that? Oh, let me guess,” his finger taping his lips in the most frustrating exagerration of his excessively dramatic self. “You couldn’t stop thinking about me and got distracted from your work, so of course, your boss told you to never come back because of your  uselesness. Tragic love story!” He sighed. “But then again, who could resist me? I feel sympathetic for you. <3″

    Your disgust grew just at the thought of being in love with Hisoka. He annoyed more you at every word he spoke, at every breath he took but you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing this. You prefered playing his game and use your sarcasm to counter his and perhaps, distract yourself from your harsh reality.

    “Well, if you’re so sympathetic, you could buy me a house-”

    “Nope, <3″

You tried, at least!

    “My apartment have been infested with cockroaches, so honestly, I really need a house. If you know a place, tell me.”

Hisoka eyed you for a second.

     “Are you really unclean to the point of having cockroaches in your whole apartment?”

    “What ? NO!” you yelled.

He just laughed again, shoting his head back. You bite your lower lips in embarassment as you saw the eyes of everyone else in proximity glaring at you. Your cheeks burned in fluster.You’ve been too loud.

    “I have an idea!” you said to Hisoka after chacking your burning face away. “We could swap houses! That way, you could live with your family!”

His laugh died and he looked at you, pleased that you started playing with him.

   “They said they missed you, you know? That you shouldn’t have run off and left them without saying anything,” you continued.

   “I,” started Hisoka through a shit eating grin, “hate you so much and I urge to kill you but it would be no fun with you.”

    “I think one of your brothers at my house is called Steve. Steve really, really misses you.” You smiled. “I feel like you two were very close.”

    You liked insisting on each and every word of your sentence.

    “Impossible. I’m too sexy to be related to Steve.”

    “You’re sure? I thought you were twins. I could barely tell you apart!” Your voice sounded more and more amused with each syllable leaving your mouth. It felt so natural. “Wow.”

    Honeslty, playful bander with Hisoka was fun. A real game, a match one of you had to win; he was never phased by any of your words so you kept sending sly insults back and forth in this oddly lively and convivial disgust you shared for each other.

    Unfortunatly, everything must come to an end, right? You stopped quick in your teasing when you saw a familiar number appearing on your phone. Your smile vanished in less than a second and the atmosphere wasn’t so light anymore. Your partner was calling you, but in all honesty, you didn’t want to answer now. Or more like you didn’t have the heart to. 

    Hisoka raised one eyebrow.

    “Lover?”

    “I guess.. They’ve been cheating for a while, so no, not really anymore,” you said, trying your best to seem nonchalant about it.

    “And you’re okay with that? You don’t seem like the type who’d have an open relationship.” His voice sounded like he took great joy in your suffering.

    “Well, they found their soulmate. I know them,” you gulped. “I know them more than I know myself. It’s been hard on them and they aren’t ready to talk about it but I’m aware of what they’re doing at night. I saw their messages by accident.” You shrugged. “I’m only waiting for when they feel like it’s time.”

You stared at the number until it disappeared.

    “Liar.”

You looked over to Hisoka again, slightly disoriented.

    “You can dump them since you found your own soulmate.The break-up wouldn’t be so hard on them if they knew this.” He chuckled. “You’re just slowing down the inevitable fate of your couple. You don’t want to be alone and that’s all there is to know.”

    You glared at him, now. Your heart was beating loudly against your chest, in pure anger. How could he read through you so easily? You didn’t like that one bit and you were disappointed in yourself for oversharing. He’s your soulmate, yes, but he’s still Hisoka.

“Please. Not now.”

“Sucks to be you, love.”

    An awkward silence fall upon you both, or at least upon you. While you were frantically texting your best friend to ask for a place to stay, only to be met with a lenghty apology, you searched for other ways to find a place to sleep tonight. The motel rooms prices were way too high and you didn’t know how long you’d need to stay, nor how much it’ll cost to have your appartment clean again. You couldn’t face your partner and you were too ashamed to call your family. Your pride would end you but you prefered sleeping in the streets than having them look at you disapprovingly. Your whole world was falling apart and you blamed it all on Hisoka. And yet...

    Hisoka’s eyes didn’t leave your figure. His mind was racing and it seemed like it was the only thing it did since he met you. He didn’t speak when he saw you frown and sigh and type desesperatly on your phone, swipping through your contacts, hesitating over a room price, checking over and over again if anyone could help you. His mind was still racing when he told you:

    “I guess you can come to my place for a while.”

    You were utterly speechless and goggled at him for a few seconds. It isn’t like Hisoka at all to propose help. He had something in mind, you knew as much, but you couldn’t help but feel floored.

    “Who are you and what the heck did you do to my soulmate-?”

    “Awww, you refer to me as your soulmate, that’s adorable.”

    “ANSWER-” Honestly, you didn’t care about the volume of your voice at this point. You were too shocked. 

    Hisoka just laughed it off and looked at you, openly condescending and still smiling. Does he ever stop doing so ?

    “I will have to take on a mission so I won’t be at Heaven Arenas for a while.” He pointed at you. “You can take my room there while I’m gone.”

You were too confused.

    “But why? You gain nothing by doing this!” You frowned and wrapped your hands protectively against your body. “I won’t have sex with you!”

    “Don’t worry, I’d rather die,” he rolled his eyes. “I let you take my room because whatever happens to you if you sleep on a bench in the parc happens to me as well. And even if I’m pretty sure I can manage, I don’t want to wake up in the morning with a hole in my belly. You got it, darling?” 

    “Wait, what do you mean everything that happens to-’

But he didn’t let you finish your sentence: he took your box and walked away without giving you any other explanation.

    “Hisoka, wait!”

    Well, at least you got a rather interesting piece of informations. You didn’t know everything about soulmates but you sure knew that even if you were linked by fate, Hisoka wouldn’t do this without solid motives. Everything about him screamed to you to never trust him but you needed your box and you needed a roof over your head. You wouldn’t let your guard down for now. You probably couldn’t beat him in a fight but he didn’t seem like he’d kill you so that was already a good point.

    You made a mental note to look more deeply into all of this and untangle the mystery of his help and quickly followed your jerk soulmate. 

    “I said wait, asshole!”

    “What, miss me already? Do you want a goodbye kiss?”

    “Don’t say such repulsive things,” you replied, gagging. “I’ll need the room’s key.”

    “Here,” he tosses it to you before adding “just don’t go looking around my stuff too much~”

This was going to be... interesting.

[janiedean]

crack prompt inspired by all the tvd talk on your blog: damon, jaime, tony stark all walk into a bar alone and end up drunk oversharing ~~

(if you wanna include ships in it anything with delena/dalaric/bamon; brienne; pepper/bruce/strange/rhodey is okay lmfao so pretty much anything goes, i just want them being each other's therapist because the timeline collapsed for some time and their universes interacted somehow lmfao)

*spins the wheel* AAAND hello anon we can absolutely try that u__u

ten years on tumblr anniversary prompt post | buy me a coffee | commissions open

Well, now I really did bite off more than I could chew, Tony thinks as he shakes his head and hopes that he and Bruce didn't fuck up the entire fabric of reality.

Well.

He's not in New York and he wasn't in the span of five seconds since they got the machine turned on, but - but well. Bruce isn't here, so hopefully he'll figure out where the fuck he ended up. Maybe we should have been sober when trying to work out that whole different timelines and multiverses thing.

Now, damage control. He should probably try to not go anywhere, but in case he actually just... teleported somewhere, maybe he should just ask where he is. He glances at his back. He's in front of a bar named Mystic Grill, which... okay, shitty name, but he could be anywhere in fuck-all-middle-of-nowhere Idaho for all he knows. He takes out his cellphone, and there is zero reception.

Bad news.

He sees a blonde kid with a police badge coming up the road, so he clears his throat and stops him.

"Uh, officer?"

"Hello," the kid says, "I don't remember seeing you around here."

Yeah, because I'm not from this world, most likely. "Eh," Tony lies, "I was driving my car but it broke down outside town and the way I got in, there wasn't a sign. Would you mind telling me where exactly I ended up?"

"Mystic Falls," the guy says, "I didn't know the damned State of Virginia now took us off the maps, too." That was sarcastic, Tony can hear it, but.

He's sure that there is no such place where he comes from.

"Right," Tony says, "I'll, uh, be out to find a mechanic then."

The kid gives him instructions to reach one, Tony thanks him and lets him go. Well, he can't certainly go anywhere now, but at least it seems like they fucked up just his -

"What the fuck," he hears from his left side -

Just in time to see a blonde guy wearing a white armor and a white cloak fall through a portal just the same as his own, that disappears a moment later. The blonde guy has green eyes, Tony notices, is lacking a right hand because he has a rather heavy golden prothesis on it that looks tacky also for his own tastes and looks completely out of his depth as he moves to his feet.

"Uh," Tony says, "I imagine you aren't from... here."

"Certainly not," the guy says, sounding... near hysterical, as he takes the surroundings. "What - what are those things anyway?" Cars. Oh fuck, he's looking at cars. "How are you dressed? What - what are these houses?"

"Er," Tony says, "humor me a moment. What's your name and where do you come from?"

The guy rolls his eyes. "Jaime Lannister, and I come from Westeros, thank you very much, now where the hell am I?"

... Great, Tony thinks, now it's not even someplace where the USA exist. "Er," Tony says, "in another world. Listen, it's my fault, I, uh, sort of caused it, and my colleague will most likely fix it, but it's really better we don't go anywhere so he can locate us more easily. Tell you what, can I buy you a drink while we wait?"

"Another world?" The guy blurts, and then - then he stares at Tony, then at his surroundings, then rolls his eyes again.

"You know what," he says, "I've had a shit long day. What can this be on top of fucking undead Catelyn Stark? Buy me the fucking drink."

I'm not doing drunk science anymore, Tony vows to himself as they walk inside the place, and he really hopes he can spin some story as to why the guy with him is wearing bonafide armor -

"And who the fuck are the two of you now?"

So: Tony had not taken into account that there would be just one person in the bar and that this person would be of course not human because no one human could pin the two of them to the wall in a split second and hold them there with such strength, and that's how he finds out that pretty guy with blue eyes, dark hair, pale skin and homicidal face is a damned vampire.

Except that the moment Tony explains it - Jaime or whoever he is is just keeping his mouth shut, wisely - the guy stares at them, and then more, and then -

"With everything I've seen in the last years," he says, "honestly, that's not even the most fucking stupid. So, you just want to lounge around until your friend shows up to fix whatever the fuck you did?"

"Er, yes?"

"Whatever. I'm Damon. I can cover your drinks and compel the bartender to forget your face. I sorely fucking need some myself."

He lets them go, but then - "Get that armor off," he tells Jaime, "this isn't New York City."

"I can't just leave my armor around!"

"Just leave it in the bathroom and take it back later," Damon shrugs, and then nods towards what's most likely the bathroom.

Jaime shrugs and goes, muttering something about maybe having drank too much milk of the poppy, and Tony doesn't want to know whatever the hell that is.

--

"Listen," Jaime says later, wearing an attire that's still obviously Middle-Ages-like but at least doesn't stand out too much, sipping at the bourbon Damon shoved at them, "I'm choosing to think I'm making this all up, but if I'm not, how long will it be before I can go back where I come from? Because you dragged me away from a rather fucking delicate situation."

"No idea," Tony shrugs, "but he's good at his job. And he was less drunk than me. We might get you back at the point you left."

"And what would that delicate situation be?" Damon asks. "Entertain me."

"And why should I tell you?"

"First, I bought you that alcohol and you're definitely enjoying it. Second, this is my town and I could tear your throat open if I wanted to." Fuck. He just showed fangs at the both of them. What the fuck. "Also, my murderous former girlfriend who is the cause of all my problems just finally fucked off this planet for good after possessing my current girlfriend who looks like her but really is the whole contrary and my best friend just came back to life after being dead for a whole lot of time and it's a complicated situation and I need a distraction or ten."

"That... sounds like something," Tony mutters, sipping at his alcohol. It's good, at least.

"Believe me, it is. So, what's the poison from Middle Ages here?"

"Ah, fuck that," Jaime says, takes a drink, and starts talking.

--

Half an hour later, Tony thinks that he and Damon are equally staring at the guy with the same disbelieving face.

"... Was that the undead woman that got you like this?" Jaime asks, blinking. "Considering that he seems like he's some kind of living dead, that's a tad hypocritical."

"No," Damon says, "that's the least of my problems. How haven't you frenched this Brienne person already?"

"I frenched?"

"Dude, he's from the Middle Ages," Tony takes pity on him. "He means put your tongue in her mouth."

"I - what - she's not - I'm not -"

"Listen," Damon cuts him, "I've been there. I mean, thinking I couldn't live without an arse who didn't give a fuck about me, which you admitted. But you do realize you spent at least five minutes of your charming tale describing us exactly how this Brienne of yours is ripped and has pretty eyes and was about to die for you?"

"Yeah, uh," Tony says, "let it come from someone who had the right people in front of him for ages and didn't let himself go for it, you really don't wanna drag it any longer."

"That's - she's a knight, that's not -"

"Oh, sure, all knights are shit where you come from, you said that, but suddenly someone would rather hang than kill you and you're here jittering because you got sucked here while she's dealing with a zombie that wanted you dead but I have to think you don't wanna french her?" Damon rolls his eyes again, pours himself another drink and honestly, Tony has cut down on the alcohol lately but he's gonna just make a damned exception. "Please."

"He's right," Tony says, "and also, let it come from someone whose dad was loaded on money and fairly shitty and still way better than yours, whatever he said about you is wrong."

"How do you know -" Jaime starts, half-blanching.

"Told you," Tony shrugs, "loaded on money, shitty father, at least I missed out on the shit sister. Honestly, man, just fucking drop her like hot coal and follow your gut. And let it come from someone who's fucked around a lot to get distracted, if you wanted to bone her in that bath then you're into her."

"I -" Jaime goes red in the face, finishes the drink, "it's not like it ever happened with anyone else before, it was a mistake, most likely -"

Damon gives him a look that looks halfway worried.

Tony thinks he just matched it, except even more worried.

"My vampire friend," he says, "are you thinking what I am thinking?"

"I'm afraid so," Damon says, and then looks back at Jaime. "Newsflash," he goes on, "if you get hard looking at a naked woman most likely you find her attractive. Also, you can find more than one person attractive in your life. And let it come from someone who's been there in the sense that I thought I could only love fucking Katherine, you really don't want to keep on doing it."

"I didn't say I wasn't done with Cersei," Jaime replies, somewhat weakly.

"Good," the two of them reply at the same time, and Tony has to snort.

"Look at that," he says, "for once I'm the one with the healthiest relationship history sitting at a table. Who'd have thought?"

"Fuck this," Damon says, "I'm getting more bourbon."

"Please," Jaime says, and - well. Seems like when Bruce comes to collect him, Tony won't be sober.

--

"Wait," Jaime says, "wait, wait, wait, she possessed your girlfriend?"

"Yeah, well, as if," Damon shrugs, "honestly, sometimes I think I should have just run away to New York after deserting."

"You deserted what?" Tony asks.

"The fucking confederacy," Damon shrugs. "Well, what are you staring about? I'm a vampire, I've been around ages, I'm from fucking middleofnowhere Virginia, you think I got drafted with the unionists? But I disagreed and I hated it and I never wanted to go, so I fucking deserted. I hope you aren't here judging me, or -"

"Please, I used to build weapons for the army and stopped when I realized it wasn't what I wanted to be, and honestly, that just means you have a conscience, so -"

"Wait, you did what," Jaime says.

"Deserted. An army. Back in the day. Risked my neck for it, and I came back and met Katherine and honestly I should have just gone North, but -"

"Hm," Jaime says, drinking, and then - "you don't regret it?"

"No," Damon says at once, "best decision I ever took. Why, you want to do that, too?"

"Sure he wants to," Tony says when Jaime doesn't immediately reply. "Let me guess, not just your army. You want to desert the whole shebang, don't you?"

"I don't know what a fucking shebang is, but yes. So what?"

"Well, if you want my been there done that advice, do that," Damon shrugs. "From what it sounds like, your entire world is collapsing because of zombies anyway, what do you have to lose? Your sister? You're better fucking off without."

Jaime stares down at the glass, then knocks it down. "Can I have another?"

"Sure," Damon says, and generously tips it.

--

"So what," Tony says, "now that your best friend you had a thing with while your girlfriend was with your brother is back to life you're having trouble adjusting?"

"She also hadn't been possessed by my murderous ex until then," Damon shrugs.

Jaime just looks at them, then drinks some more. "Who am I to judge on that anyway," he says, "but that sounds like a lot of work."

"You wouldn't believe," Damon shrugs, knocking down some more of his bourbon. "Never mind that Stefan won't get over brooding instead of fessing up to the girl he is in love with now, but it's not like I hadn't expected it."

"Tell him to," Jaime says at once. "I let my father fuck things up for my brother once and I hate that I ever did, just - don't."

"This is getting fucking eerie," Damon says.

Tony, who is currently feeling very thankful he doesn't have siblings, takes another sip. Then -

"Man, if it's complicated just date the both of them. If they both like you and aren't the kind of super monogamous people that can't handle a threesome once in a while, they won't have a problem."

"... And what do you know?"

He shrug. "Well," he says, "my steady girlfriend was in front of my eyes for years. Took us a while to get over ourselves. The guy I was doing drunk science with, well. Was an instant hit and I didn't let myself drag it in the centuries and guess what, we have a nice lovely arrangement where I'm with both of them, they commiserate about how much of an idiot I can be and sometimes we all occasionally have sex. It's grand. You should try it."

And I really hope Bruce shows up soon.

"Huh," Damon says, "maybe it has merit. For me. Not for you."

Jaime sputters. "I said nothing!"

"You shouldn't even think about threesomes. I can see it in your face you're not the type. And certainly not including your sister."

"Fuck you," Jaime replies without meaning it, "I was not considering that." Huh. Now he sounds offended Damon implied it. Maybe he really will fess up to the other one when he's back.

"Then it means this enlightening talk has enlightened you," Tony grins. "Mind telling us more about that hand?"

"And why?"

Tony shrugs. It's not like he doesn't have time to waste. "What if I could help you with that thing?" He says, nodding towards Jaime's stump, and then - well. Time to test if he can summon the armor here, too.

--

"God," Damon says a while later, "I'll have to compel that poor bartender so hard, but fuck this is something."

Sure it is, Tony grins. "Hey, I managed to fuck with quantum reality, I'm not the first idiot that passes by."

"Seven Hells," Jaime says, "I have no idea what it is you're putting on me but if it works half as well as that thing you have, I'm going to show back up in King's Landing just to show my sister who has the useless hand now. If she didn't get herself killed."

"Well, now that is one reason I could approve of," Tony laughs, "and don't fucking move."

Sure, building a prothesis from the rests of whatever nonfunctioning electronics the bartender had lying around is... somewhat a challenge, but as stated, he has time to waste and it's not like he's wanted anywhere soon.

"By the way," Damon says as he watches him tinker around with the toolkit he found him in the backroom, "do you need advice in the whole I fucked up and want my brother to forgive me department?"

"What if I do?" Jaime replies through his teeth. "Because now that would distract me from how much this entire thing is fucking hurting."

The more they talk while he tinkers, the more Tony decides he's absolutely glad he was an only child and that his father only fucked one son up.

--

"You're doing this while not even being fucking sober?" Damon knocks back more bourbon. "You sure you don't wanna stay here and turn into an immortal? You'd be useful."

"Thanks but I like my life as it is," Tony snorts. "But if you need tech tinkered with, you can ask while I'm here."

Jaime is just staring at the steel-colored hand coming to life while Tony puts piece after piece together, his throat working up and down.

He drinks some more. "Fuck, if only I had such a thing when I realized what the fuck Aerys had turned into."

"Wait, who's Aerys now?" Damon asks.

--

He hadn't told them that part in detail.

When he's done and Tony is at the fourth finger, he kind of wants to hurl, but mostly -

"Do we really have to stay here," Damon says, "or you think we could sneak him to a VA? I can compel them to just hear that he's talking about Vietnam or something."

"He's not old enough for Vietnam, but you know what, I think we could risk that."

"What in the Seven Hells is a VA?"

"Someone I really could have used in the nineteenth century," Damon sighs, and then just as Tony moves to the last finger -

"Tony, what the hell is this?"

--

Turns out, where Bruce comes from it took him two days to figure this out. He also immediately spots three different improvements Tony could do to that hand, and when he hears the entire shebang he raises his hands and says that he can send Jaime right back when he left at any point and he and Tony, too, but he supposes that if they want to compel the VA before they leave it's not like he's in a hurry, and wait, vampires?

Damon ends up asking him if the threesome thing is really working out as well as Tony says.

While he does, Tony manages the finishing touches on the sort-of-steel-and-iron-hand he cobbled up together, and thank fuck Bruce showed up because he had been the one studying how Barnes's arm worked, back in the day, and gave Tony the pointer he needed to make sure the entire thing was... well, connected to the nervous system without needing to rip Jaime's wrist open.

"Right," he says, "try to move the fingers."

Jaime holds them in a fist.

It works.

"Seven fucking hells -"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm a genius. Just keep it out of too many lines of fire, but if you're from the middle ages it should withstand most stuff. You're welcome. And go french that knight of yours instead of waiting, really."

"I think in between him and you, you've made a case. Uh, thank you, I -"

"Nonsense, I was the reason you're here, I might as well have helped out. Hey," he says, "so, what about a last round before we drag him to the VA and Bruce here settles everything?"

"I'm so down for it," Damon says.

"Do I even have a choice," Bruce groans, but then he does sit down at the same table and lets Tony fill his glass.

"Oh, don't look like that," Tony says, "after all I didn't destroy the universe and made some friends, it could have gone worse."

"Wouldn't know about that, but I could have done worse, too," Damon says, and orders more bourbon.

"I sure as the fucking Seven Hells will never manage to explain this to anyone," Jaime says, "but I guess I'm not too disappointed, either."

"Tony," Bruce groans, "did you manage to somehow end up with two people with - never mind. Of course you did. We're never doing drunk science again, hear me?"

"Maybe so," Tony agrees, though... well.

Maybe he will want to check on them, once in a while.

But he can think about how to convince Bruce to make sure they can later.

For now, he'll enjoy his last round.

[stevesharrlngtons]

32 with Roman

prompts are open 

an anon requested some roman angst a lil while back, and while this isn’t super angsty it kinda is? lol

also i changed the wording a bit i hope thats ok

Of course he was here, you really shouldn’t have been surprised. 

Roman had a tendency to worm his way back into your life, physically or mentally, one way or another. It’s like he knew when you were finally moving on, when you had finally pushed him from your consciousness, and decided that that was unacceptable. 

You let out a heavy sigh as you watched him enter the house party, a perky blonde slung comfortably under his arm. The mummers had started then, people whispering and peeking over at him and his date. Just because this party was outside Hemlock Grove city limits didn’t mean that Roman’s name didn’t have any lore or pull to it. You were sure everyone in the state, hell maybe the country, would stop what they were doing to follow him through a room. He had an incredibly commanding presence, something that you once loved, but now just resented. 

“Is that Roman Godfrey?” the guy you had been chatting up asked. 

He was good looking, this random man. Charming, always willing to refill your cup or dance when a song you liked came on. He laughed at your jokes and kept his eyes from wandering to any of the other girls that were in attendance, which was silly, but something you appreciated. You’d only met him a couple of hours ago, so any singular devotion he had to you was quite flattering. You were seriously considering taking his hand and asking him to join you in a room upstairs until Roman showed up and decided to steal his attention from you. This guy, this stupid guy who was the only guy in the party who you’d been attracted to even in the slightest, of course he would have a hard on for Roman and his family name. 

“Who?” you asked with resentment, drinking more of the swilly beer in your cup. 

“Who? Roman Godfrey? His family owns half the state! He’s like, a billionaire. How in the hell do you not know who he is?” he talks like an animated puppy about Roman, you can see as his eyes follow the taller man everywhere he goes in the room. 

You refused to look at Roman yourself, you just stared up at your date (if you could even call him that). You focused on the bumping music as he continued to gush about Godfrey Industries and Roman’s family money. God, you bet this guy talked about Elon Musk like this too… and suddenly you felt so repulsed by him that your skin crawled at the thought of him touching you. 

“You know what?” you cut him off from his rant, “I’m going to go out for a cigarette.” 

“Oh, OK. Want me to come?” He asked.

“No, not particularly.” And you were sure he was scowling after you and calling you a bitch, but you didn’t care. You needed to get away from him, his Roman complex, and all other Roman related things. 

You pushed your way through the throngs of people in the house to the back sliding door, where you exited to the pleasant gust of chilled air. It was a welcomed contrast on your skin after simmering inside with all it’s muggy body heat. 

The house that was throwing the party was really nice, nicer than any house you’d be able to afford. There was a large inground pool, complete with water features and a conjoined hot tub; an outdoor kitchen with a pizza oven and fully stocked fridge; and some of the most beautiful landscaping you’d ever seen. It made you wonder who actually lived here. One of your coworkers had invited you along, and you had only shown up to have something to do on a Friday night. You saw her for around five minutes when you arrived, then you’d both disappeared into the sea of people. 

You went over to the kitchen and took a seat on one of the built in benches. It was carved into the brick next to the pizza oven, and even though the oven was off, you could still feel some heat emanating from it. You pulled your knees to your chest and settled against the brick, temple to the oven as you enjoyed the silence the night had to offer. You took out your phone from your jeans and began to app surf, switching between social medias to keep your mind busy. 

“Now, what’s a pretty little thing like you doing out here, all by her lonesome?” you could see the smarmy grin on his face without even looking up. 

A part of you had futilely hoped that escaping outside would have thrown Roman off your scent. You’d up and completely left parties when he had arrived in the past, so you hoped he would have assumed that was the case tonight. But then again if he had, he wouldn’t be Roman. Because he seemed to have a tracking device on you, always aware of your whereabouts. It used to be helpful, but now it just pissed you off. 

“You’re such a little stalker, you know that right?” you sneer, refusing to look up from your phone. 

“Pretty sure you’re the stalker, (Y/L/N). Somehow wherever I go,” He trails off as he came to sit next to you, far too close for comfort, “There you are.” 

“Whatever, Roman.” you reply, eyes still glued to your phone as you huddled closer to the oven. 

“What? No snarky retort? No adamant denial? Man, someone’s gone soft,” he chuckles. 

“Or maybe I’m just sick of this little game you’ve roped me into,” you bit back, and you could see in your periphery that his smile grew. 

“You love it.” 

“No, you love it. It’s why you never fucking leave me alone.” 

He scoffs, but doesn’t say anything else. There is a long beat of silence where the two of you just listen to each other's breaths, of the sound of the others clothing scraping against the brick and the sound of your deft fingers against your screen. 

It reminded you of when you were together, of when you had been the perky girl under his arm and the one enthralled by his presence. It reminded you of the late nights he’d shatter your body with pleasure and put you back together again. It reminded you of the times that he'd lay on your chest and murmur secrets and confessions with tears streaking his alabaster cheeks. It reminded you of the ever present smile he brought out in you. 

It reminded you of Roman’s refusal to admit any true feelings for you. It reminded you of tense silence after fights. It reminded you of how he broke your heart. 

“That guy you were talking to? Tried to shake my hand,” Roman chuckles, “Fucking freak.” 

“Yeah, that’s why I ditched him. He probably liked you more than you like you.” 

Roman snorts, “He was practically humping my leg.” 

“Yeah, well he was practically humping mine before you showed up. So thanks for that.” you said bitterly, finally pocketing your phone and looking out over the groomed backyard. 

“He wouldn’t have known what to do with a woman like you.” 

“I would have liked to figure that out on my own upstairs, thank you very much.” you cross your arms over your folded knees. 

“C’mon, that guy? I could smell his drug store cologne from a mile away, and that fucking geled hair? You chose that guy?” you could easily detect the envy in his voice.

“C’mon, that girl? With fake tits up to her chin and boxed dyed roots?” you shot back fast, and then immediately cursed yourself. 

Because you had just played into his game, the one you had been trying for the past few months to eject yourself from. 

“She’s hot, isn’t she?” he drawls, leaning back against the bench. 

“If you’re into that 80’s fake Sports Illustrated look.” 

“She fucks like she’s straight out of Hustler.” 

“Thanks for oversharing, Roman. Though that information feels a little more suited for Peter than me.” you said sarcastically, hoping with every passing second that he would get the hint and leave you alone. 

But he never did. Not tonight, not last time and you were sure he never would. 

“You used to love when I overshared. You said it made you feel closer to me,” he nudged you with his shoulder and you felt sick. 

Because yes, you had said that. You had loved when he told you everything. When he didn’t hold back on his thoughts and feelings, and told you things that were sometimes so ugly he’d retch. 

“You’re such a dick,” you swore, and finally stood to escape him.

“Oh, don’t be like that! Sit back down.” Roman reached out to take a hold of your wrist, but you flinched away at his touch. 

“Leave me alone.” 

“Sit back down and maybe I’ll think about it,” he laughs while trying to grab you again. 

“How long are you going to do this to me, Roman? How much longer are you going to torment me!” you snap.

You look down at him for the first time all night. You had been avoiding direct eye contact since he followed you outside, afraid of what those sinful green eyes could get you to do. You’d backslid with Roman one to many times because of those fucking eyes. 

“Torment you? That seems a bit rash,” he scoffs. 

“I don’t think it is, I actually think it lets you off too easy.” 

“Yeah?” he replies, fully condescending and pompous. 

“Yeah,” you clench your jaw, “because it’s like you’re haunting me, it's like you’re this looming force that will never let me move on. And for the life of me Roman, I can’t fucking figure out why. Is it just to torture me for leaving? Are you that much of a spoiled brat? That once the toy you didn’t want gets thrown out you through a tantrum until it’s back?” 

“Fuck you.”

“No, fuck you! I’m so sick of this, Roman. I’m sick of being at a party or a restaurant or a coffee shop and then having you appear out of thin air to remind me of how much it all just hurts. Do you even care? Do you even care that everytime I see you it takes off a year of my life from pure grief?” 

Because it did. Everytime you spotted him in line behind you, at a table across the room or drinking at a bar you were sat at, you felt awful. You felt so disgusting and used and dirty, because you let Roman take and take from you and when you asked for something in return he refused to give. 

“Am I not allowed to see a friend all of a sudden?” he asks, his tone becoming defensive and worried. 

“We’re not friends. We aren’t. I loved you and you spat in my face. I could never be friends with you again, Roman.”

Roman purses his lips and looks up at you under his brow before pushing up from the bench to stand, “You don’t love me anymore?” 

“It shouldn’t matter.” 

“It does. It does to me.” he steps closer to you with every word and you finally feel the effects of the alcohol you’d had earlier. 

“Well it doesn’t to me, and it shouldn’t to you either. It didn’t then.” 

It didn’t matter to him when he screamed and laughed in your face after your confession. 

Roman doesn’t respond, even though you can tell he wants to. He towers above you now, but you don’t cower under his height. 

You watch Roman chew on the inside of his cheek for a few moments before you know the conversation is over.

“I’m gonna go.” 

You turned back toward the house and started your trek across the grass. 

“Wait!” Roman suddenly called behind you. 

You didn’t want to turn, and maybe if you were stronger you would have kept walking. But you did and you weren’t. 

“What?” you ask with a frustrated sigh. 

“I do, y’know,” he says, his posture hunched and uncomfortable, “I mean, as much as I can feel that way about anyone.” 

“Love me?” you shot back, saying the words he was too cowardly too.

Roman looks around like he’s embarrassed, like he’s looking for any witnesses that might find out he has a heart. Then he nods gently. 

“As much as a person like me can. I don’t even know if I’m capable of... that’ing. To anyone.” 

You knew this is an incredibly vulnerable moment for Roman. You knew from experience that this was as close as he had ever been to uttering those sacreded three words, as close as he had ever felt to feeling them. You knew that this should give you some solace, some closure in your ongoing battle of emotions with the tall boy. You should feel better. But you don’t. 

Because it didn’t change the past, and only gave you worthless hope for some kind of future with the only man you’d ever loved.

“Ok.” was all you said in reply. 

And Roman just nods again, though it’s clear that wasn’t the response he was looking for. You almost expected him to say something else, but he doesn’t. He just takes out a cigarette and lights it.

“I, uh, I’m still going to leave,” you say, rubbing your biceps awkwardly under Roman’s intense gaze, “I only really came here to get laid and that fell through, so…” 

“Well, I could fix that, y’know?” Roman smirks before taking a drag, and suddenly any semblance of a moment being had was.

“I’ll pass,” you say and bid him a silent goodbye. 

You walk across the grass, short and such a vibrant green, even in the winter. You wonder if Roman liked the landscaping and the pool and the kitchen like you did. You wondered if things were different, if you two would live in a house like this. You tried not to think too much about it, though.

When you were almost to the house, you heard Roman call out for you again. 

You simply looked over your shoulder to see him leaning against a brick pillar, cigarette between his plush pink lips.

“I’ll see you soon.” 

feedback is appreciated!! (: