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#like yeah sure you can be queer here just never tell anybody and only talk to other queer ppl via grindr
vamptastic · 8 months
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its always funny seeing non-white and/or lgbt ppl wanting to move to my hometown and all the straight white people are like "youll be fine its a live and let live kind of place just mind your business and people will mind theirs" and all the non-white and/or lgbt people going "jesus fucking christ please don't move here you WILL be hate crimed by a dude in a trucker hat and the KKK is still active"
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marzipanandminutiae · 3 years
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If you ever want to rant (I think you have in the past??) about the specific issues surrounding language in history when describing queer romance (aka Chopin's friend issue) I know I would love to hear it at least
Oh boy. It's. It's a lot.
So, first of all, in case anyone didn't read my blog description or is very very new here, I'm a gay woman. And a big history geek. Which means I really do get how frustrating- even infuriating -the erasure of queer people from history can be. It has been, and unfortunately continues to be, a massive stumbling-block in society's recognition of LGBT identities as an inherent, universal part of humanity.
Moreover, it just makes you feel really, really alone. To think there was never anyone like you before the 1960s...yes, that's incredibly disheartening.
However. I'm also a museum professional. So I also get how careful we have to be when talking about the past.
The terms people use for queer identities have a history of shifting around a lot. And, for a large chunk of at least western history, same-sex attraction in particular was less an identity and more a behavior. Something you did, not something you were. So in expressing these feelings, people might be less likely to label themselves than to just talk about what they were doing. Which means we don't even have preferred labels for them during their lifetimes, much less within the modern framework of queer identity.
Complicating things still further, the old Straight 1950s Historian rallying cry of "FRIENDS WERE MORE AFFECTIONATE BACK THEN!!!" is actually true. I mean, yeah, in some contexts it's a silencing tactic used to erase obviously queer relationships. But it's also just a real fact about western platonic friendships, for a long time. I have seen a lot of 19th-century primary sources to indicate that, yes, a woman could kiss her literal platonic female BFF on the lips and not have it mean anything sexual or romantic. In some eras and places, that applied to men, too. Pointing that out in the proper context is not erasing queer lives, because there are no known queer people involved.
And let's talk about "friend." The r/sapphoandherfriend crowd gets VERY torqued about this one. Let anybody with any hint of same-gender romance/sexuality be called the "friend" of someone they had a relationship with, and the gates of hell are flung wide. Again, this is another one that CAN be erasure, but definitely isn't always.
Straight married couples used to refer to each other as "my friend" or "my dearest friend" or whatever, all the time. Obviously society wouldn't use that term for them, except in poetic descriptions. But if you have a culture where "friend" can have connotations beyond "platonic bestie," you just might get queer couples also applying it to each other. And at that point, it might well be the only term we know for sure a given couple used. So what are we supposed to do but use their terms, describe what they did, and let the reader interpret that information?
"But you can tell what they'd call themselves today!" Sometimes. Sometimes we can't.
Anne Lister, for example, clearly and exclusively loved women. She also incorporated masculine elements into her gender presentation, sometimes used "male" nicknames, and felt strongly about that. We use she/her pronouns for her now, and call her a woman, because that's how she referred to herself. But given the modern spectrum of available terms and identities, would she still think of herself the same way? We don't know. All we can do is use the information these people give us, and their chosen self-descriptors, unless it's EXTREMELY clear-cut.
Finally, as a queer person working in the historical sector, it's incredibly depressing to me to see other queer people talking about how "historians erase queer identity" as a blanket statement. Because we're here! We're real! We're trying our best to uncover and amplify the stories of our ancestors, because we know how awful erasure feels! Don't minimize our work like that.
And don't say you want acknowledgment of queer people in history, then turn around and shit on it because it doesn't always fit into neat, modern Identity Boxes.
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awanderingdeal · 3 years
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Never too late - 8
An eternity later and it is here! Part 8 of 'Never too Late'. How much of this is me projecting? You'll never know.
CW: Food, alcohol, feelings of queer exclusion at prom, coming out, [very minor and it is shut down] compulsory sexuality.
Please message me if you feel I missed anything out.
Just a note, that due to the POV of this fic, there is a lot of linking between relationships and romance to prom. I just want to reiterate that prom absolutely does not have to be a romantic event if you do not want it to. The beef is more that queer kids do not always have the choice to go with their partners safely, and the stress of not knowing whether it would have been okay or not.
I hope that all of you that wanted to were able to have the prom you wanted and if you weren't able to, please know it is just ONE day. Throw your own if you want to. Don't if you don't want to. I know for myself, I have a lot of feelings about it, so please don't read this if it going to upset you.
Rating: T
Previous and future chapters can be found on my masterlist.
All credit for Sweater Weather and these characters go to @lumosinlove
8. Go to a dance. Kiss your first love. Well, at least you think they are anyway. But remember kids, consent always.
Leo was excited, to say the least. Sprawled on his bed, laptop in front of him and his cell to the right, he knew it was getting late, but he wanted to research a little longer. He had a venue and a catering team locked down; the latter he had done reluctantly, after yet another person had told him that he absolutely could not cater the event himself.
His phone buzzed insistently, and Leo grunted. Why would anybody call when you could just text? He grunted again when he read the caller id.
Regulus. What a traitor.
“Hello?” Leo answered, rolling onto his back. He felt a tightness in his lumbar region, and made a mental note to mention it to Hestia in the morning if the sensation was still there when he woke up.
“Go to sleep.”
“ I will soon,” Leo hummed. “Did you look at my text?”
“Leo. It’s 2am.”
“Yes, I worked very hard to learn to tell the time, thank you.” In truth, the last time Leo remembered checking the time, it had still been the previous day. Logan had a popped his head around the door to tell Leo that he and Finn were going to crash in one of the other rooms, and that Leo should get some sleep soon. Leo had nodded and assured Logan he wouldn’t be too long.
Regulus’ sigh on the other end of the phone interrupted his memory.
“And you’re getting cranky,” Regulus said. Leo could imagine the smooth raised eyebrow that accompanied the words. “If I tell you which theme I like, will you go to sleep?”
Leo shifted, pushing himself up against the stack of pillows. He nodded eagerly, before remembering Regulus couldn’t see him. “Yes. I promise.”
“I like both -”
“That is not helpful!”
“Wait a second. Merde. You should combine them.”
“That’s,” Leo wrinkled his nose, contemplating the idea. “That’s actually kind of genius.”
“You can thank me later,” Regulus offered smugly. “After you’ve got some sleep.”
***
“So Reg, who’s the lucky person who gets to be your date to this thing?” Finn asked, plucking a brownie from the plate in the middle of the table, before settling into the seat opposite Leo.
“It’s not a thing!” Leo protested.
“Sorry, babe. This prom,” Finn grinned.
Regulus worried his lip between his teeth, looking first at Leo and then turning his gaze back to Finn. “Do I have to go with someone?”
“Yes,” Finn said resolutely, at the same time as Leo shook his head, giving the opposite answer.
“No,” Leo repeated, narrowing his eyes at Finn. “People go to prom with friends all the time.”
“Okay, yeah, fine. You don’t have to,” Finn agreed, giving a placating smile. Leo hated that it worked. If he were being honest, they should probably utilise the O’Hara smile in diplomatic relations. “But don’t you want to have the quintessential prom kiss?”
“Finn -”
“I was actually thinking I could borrow Leo,” Regulus rolled his eyes, voice dripping with sarcasm.
Apparently Finn didn't catch it though. His face contorted into a thousand different expressions in the space of a second. Conflicted. Contemplative. Accepting. “Well...I guess I’d be okay with it, if Leo is, but Lo-”
“That was a joke, Finn,” Regulus laughed.
“Oh, right,” Finn laughed as well, the tips of his cheeks tinged pink. “Well. Yeah. Prom kisses are nice. I had sex for the first time on my prom. Although, she did cheat on my two months later, so maybe I’m not the best example to follow,” he rambled.
“That was a lot to learn about somebody in a very short amount of time," Regulus commented, clutching his mug between his hands.
Finn shrugged, leaning forward to grab another brownie, seemingly uncaring about the wealth of information he had just offered.
***
“Hey, Le?”
Leo looked up from his phone, finding Regulus hovering next to him, shifting his weight from foot to foot. He cocked his head slightly in question.
“Can we talk?”
Leo frowned, setting his phone down on the coffee table and patted the seat next to him on the sofa. “You don’t usually ask,” he smirked.
Regulus’ smile back seemed strained, but Leo didn’t comment on it. “Earlier,” Regulus started as he took a seat, playing with the tips of his fingers before he stopped abruptly, placing them in his lap. “In the kitchen? What Finn said?”
Leo sighed gently, “Ignore him. Finn’s mouth and his feet are well acquainted. You know Finn. He just doesn't always think before he speaks. I’m sorry if he upset you.”
“You shouldn’t apologise for your boyfriend. If I wanted an apology I would have gone to him.” ” Regulus chided. His expression softened, his next intake of breath larger than usual. “Can you just listen?”
“Sorry,” Leo turned to look at Regulus properly. “You were saying?”
Regulus gave a small nod. “I don’t think I want that.”
Leo opened his mouth to speak, remembered Regulus’ request and snapped it shut again.
“Not the kisses. Not the sex. None of it. I think I’m asexual” The words came out in a single, hurried burst, but Regulus seemed to stumble over the last one, as if it was unfamiliar to him, unpractised. Leo could picture his friend frantically asking google questions, refining each search as he learned new information. He’d been there himself once.
A silence hung in the air, the two of them staring at one another, with an intensity that was making Leo feel uncomfortable, but he didn't want to be the first to break eye contact.
“Désolé," Regulus blinked. "Say something. Please."
Leo shuffled forward, his arms outstretched. “I’m going to hug you now.” He waited a beat to allow Regulus to protest, before pulling him close. Regulus sat stiffly, taking a moment to relax into the embrace and when he did, Leo squeezed him a little tighter. “Thank you for telling me.”
“I knew you’d be okay with it,” Regulus grumbled. Leo was sure he heard a hint of relief despite the attempt to appear ambivalent. He let Regulus go, putting some space between them again, knowing his friend had more personal space boundaries than Leo was used to dealing with.
“It’s still scary. Even if you’re almost certain it’s going to be alright. And just in case you need to hear it, I love you, you’re valid and even if you decide that’s not the right label for you that’s okay too.”
“What are you? Like, gay Yoda?” Regulus gave a small laugh, but he sniffed wetly. “Thanks.”
“A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defence, never for attack,” Leo made a fist, wrapped his other hand over the top and bowed his head.
“Nerd.”
“Wait, can I ask you a question?” Regulus’ consenting nod was slow and tentative. “Does this mean you’d prefer if I stop sending you half naked photos every other day?” Leo let the corner of his mouth curl into a smirk.
Regulus barked a very uncharacteristic laugh, deep and loud. “While I can appreciate the aesthetic appeal of Chris Evans, yes, I’ve seen enough of that man to last me many lifetimes .” He punched Leo lightly in the knee. Leo raised an eyebrow at the very frat - boy inspired action, and Regulus made a face that suggested he wasn’t quite sure where it had come from either. “I’m sure company is not an issue for you in this household, but don’t worry I’ll still watch The Avengers with you.”
“A real hero,” Leo drawled. “Hey.” He met Regulus’ eyes, his tone taking on a more serious note again. “You know you can tell Finn. And Logan, right? If that’s what you want. Whenever you’re ready. They’ll be cool.”
“Yeah,” Regulus breathed. “I don’t doubt it.”
“And if they’re not. I’ll personally kick them in the balls for you.”
***
Leo fussed with his bowtie in the mirror, tilting his head this way and that, trying to decide if it was straight.
“Stop. You look great. They’re going to die,” Regulus declared, making Leo jump slightly. He’d known the man was in the room, but his best friend had a habit of just appearing beside him unannounced.
Leo took another look in the mirror, running his fingers over the slightly raised texture of his initials monogrammed into the teal suspenders. “Yeah, I guess I’ll do,” he hummed, turning to face Regulus, scanning his eyes over him. Even Leo had been surprised by Regulus’ choice of attire, knowing now why he had kept the outfit such a secret. “Bold choice,” he remarked.
“Too much?”
“No,” Leo shook his head. Maybe it would have been on somebody else, but Regulus wore the mustard yellow three - piece effortlessly. He reached out to touch the blue sapphire that embellished the lapel, a gold chain linking it to the breast pocket. “Not at all. I’m just jealous.”
“Alright boys, are we ready?” Alex asked, clapping his hands together.
“Yeah.”
“As we’ll ever be.”
“Ready!” Kuny boomed, making a show of checking his pocket watch, the gold chain attaching it to his vest was somehow, even more ornate than Regulus’.
The four of them turned to glance at Remus, the only one in the room left to reply. Shrugging his jacket over his shoulders, Remus smiled. “I guess I can’t play with this tie any longer.”
“Alright then. I don’t know a lot about you guys, but I want to see my boyfriend,” Alex rocked on his feet, Leo chuckled, the man pretended he was so much more chill than his younger brother, but excitement seemed to bubble under his skin all the same. Leo didn’t blame Alex though, separating the partners into different rooms had seemed like a good idea earlier in the evening, but now he just wanted to see Finn and Logan, ideally before he exploded with anticipation. He couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for those of them that had to wait for their partners to arrive from the Potter’s house, where the ladies had opted to get ready.
“Yes. I want see Jackson,” Kuny nodded resolutely.
“Lord, help me,” Regulus whined. Leo just laughed, wrapping an arm around his friend’s shoulders.
***
“Cap! Stop undressing Loops with your eyes, he put a lot of effort into finding that suit.”
“Kuny. Put Nado down. There are people here.”
“Harzy. Are you crying?”
“You can close your mouth now, Leo.” Regulus tapped a finger lightly against Leo’s jaw. He would have tried to defend himself from the accusation, but he couldn’t deny the quiet clink of his teeth snapping back together.
“I’m just going to need a minute,” Leo mumbled, dragging his eyes over Finn and Logan’s bodies.
“Take your time,” Regulus chuckled. “Is-” Regulus leaned forward, squinting slightly. “Does Finn’s jacket match the invites.”
“I think they’re flowers.” Although, from afar, the swirls of blue and silver painted over the jacket did resemble the night sky artwork the two of them had settled on for the invites. Leo had insisted they needed them despite Regulus’ very valid point that saw all of the attendees at least once a week. “I’m going to go and check,” Leo waved a hand towards his boyfriends. He could see Logan’s lips moving, Finn’s grin widening with each word and Leo wanted in on that conversation.
“Sure,” Regulus hummed. “You go and do that.”
Leo stole a glance behind him as he crossed the short distance of their lounge, feeling a pang of guilt about leaving Regulus so easily on what was supposed to be his night. He needn't have worried though, he had barely taken a few paces before Regulus was swarmed by Thomas and James. Leo huffed a laugh at Regulus' disgruntled expression as they fawned at his suit.
***
“Leo. Regulus. Welcome! These must be your guests.” Estella, the only one of fifteen event planners that he and Regulus could agree on, smiled wide. “Is everybody here? I can always have somebody come and meet any stragglers?”
“No, this is all of us,” Leo confirmed. Corralling everybody into the two limos had been a task, but somehow they had all managed to make it to the museum without anybody being left behind.
“Alright then. Follow me. I think you’re going to love what we’ve settled on.” Estella turned on her heel, tight curls bouncing behind her as she led them up the grand staircase. Leo had been to The Natural History museum many times during the day, but the place had a strange sense of awe without the usual bustle of visitors, and he couldn’t wait to see what the events hall had been transformed into.
Estella pushed the ornate double doors open, blocking the entrance with her body. She must have noticed how Leo’s feet itched with anticipation because she gave a small smirk as she stepped aside. “Enjoy your evening, gentlemen. I’ll be around should you need anything."
Leo looked back at the group behind him; his team, his friends, his family, and felt the pool of anxiety that had been bubbling in his stomach all day, churn again. This evening had started off as being for Regulus, but it had quickly grown beyond that. While prom wasn’t inherently romantic, the traditions that came alongside it were embroiled with ideas that had marginalised so many of them, even if they hadn’t realised it at the time. A part of him hated that a high school event that was truly insignificant in the grand scheme of things could hold so much weight. He wanted to rebel, to not let it be important at all. Another just wanted to be able to give them all the night they had wished for back then.
“What’s the delay?” Natalie’s voice shook Leo from his head, and he glanced to his left at Regulus before moving into the room.
Estella and her team had really come through. They had weaved Leo and Regulus’ ideas on decoration into something spectacular. He had to force himself not to pause again, waiting until he was less of an obstruction to the rest of them, to stop and look up at the ceiling. There were hundreds, maybe thousands, of tiny lights strung to look exactly like the night sky. Right in the centre, Leo recognised the pattern to be that of his namesake, one light slightly brighter than all the rest.
“Hey,” Sirius clapped a hand on Regulus’s shoulder. “How come you get to be up there and I don’t.”
“Can’t stand not to be the centre of attention can you, big brother?” Regulus shot back and Sirius just shook his head with a laugh, hurrying after Remus.
***
“This one is for all you loved up folk out there,” the DJ’s voice rang through the room, the music slowly fading from a thuddy beat into the tender piano notes of the next song.
Leo winced as Marlene squealed, tugging Dorcas from her chair, the latter almost tripping over her train in the rush, although she regained her composure quickly. She moved just as swiftly in her heels as Marlene did in her black and white oxfords. He watched the two of them leave, Dorcas’ emerald green dress almost sparkling as it caught the light.
“Go on,” Regulus nudged Leo, tilting his head in the direction of where Finn and Logan had already procured a spot on the dance floor. “Go dance with your boys.”
Leo glanced at Regulus, before turning his gaze to meet his boyfriend’s eyes. He contorted his features into a series of faces that to anybody else probably seemed nonsensical, but they caught on perfectly, answering his silent question with simultaneous nods of their heads.
“Or,” Leo placed his hand, palm upright, on the table. “You could do me the honour?”
“I’m not,” Regulus wrinkled his nose. “You don’t need to -”
“Indulge me, Reggie.”
“Only if you stop calling me that,” Regulus sighed, grasping Leo’s hand. “I’m leading.”
Regulus, it turned out, could dance. Leo was passable. He let himself be led around the floor, laughing with his friend at all the couples that weren’t quite as accomplished, his boyfriend’s included.
The music flowed seamlessly from the deep tones of John Legend into the lighter ones of Taylor Swift.
“Yes! My girl, Tay Tay. Now we’re talking.”
Regulus rolled his eyes playfully, “Calm down, Le. I think your gay is showing.”
“Okay, Karen.”
“I am wounded,” Regulus clutched his hand to chest, placing it back on Leo’s hip without missing a beat. He looked up, smiling at Leo softly. “You should go and dance with them now. I think they could do with your help.”
“Non!” Logan argued, stumbling over Finn’s feet once again. “I know how to dance. It is Finn who is a liability,” he added, as they came to a halt beside Leo and Regulus.
***
Reg! Did you see Kam sent the link for the photos?
I did. You want to look at them together, non?
Oui, Oui! Come over now?
Leo waited to receive the confirmation text, before he hurried into the kitchen to compile a selection of snacks, as well as a jug of lemon water for Finn. On his final trip, he added the ever-present jug of sweet tea from the fridge to the tray, setting it all up on the table in front of the TV in the lounge.
“Baby Black is coming over then?” Logan teased, sprawling onto the sofa next to Leo.
“Sssh,” Leo whined, pressing a finger to Logan’s lips. “Otherwise no doughnuts for you.”
Logan gasped, launching himself at Leo, his hands finding the spot below Leo’s ribs where he was most ticklish. “How dare you threaten me with such things?”
“Stop it,” Leo spluttered between laughs, squirming away from the assault. Thankfully the doorbell rang just as Leo thought he was going to have to tap out, Logan letting him up to go and answer it.
It took a few minutes to get all four of them settled on the couch and the photos casting from his cell to the TV, but eventually they managed it.
Kam, and their assistant, had done a great job of capturing the entire night, from everybody getting ready to a very drunk James and Evgeni snoring softly against the giant moon structure. James was swamped by Evgeni’s checked suit jacket and James’ pinstripe one hung from Evgeni’s arm.
“Did you three plan this?” Regulus laughed as a photo of Sirius, Logan and Pascal appeared on the screen. The three of them had chosen to go with a classic tuxedo, albeit with slight variations.
“We did not. We just all have impeccable taste,” Logan retorted.
“Oh my God!” Finn sat forward, squinting at the screen. “They definitely planned that though.” He waved at the image of Alex and Kasey, their suits the same but in reverse; Alex’s jacket a navy blue with a checked grey vest and Kasey the opposite.
“Finn babe,” Leo frowned, sliding Finn’s glasses onto his face. “How did you go the entire night without noticing that. Aren’t you supposed to be the fashion connoisseur, here?”
“I was distracted!” Finn protested. “By…” he beamed as a photo of him, Leo and Logan replaced the previous image. “That.”
Regulus faked a gag, swiping at the phone to get a new photo. Any argument that was about to ensue was abruptly ended as they all burst into laughter. On the screen, a sheepish looking Pascal was being berated by Estella, her finger pointing to the sign to the left of the vine covered swing that Pascal was sitting on that read, ‘For decorative purposes only’.
They went through hundreds of photos. Some of them were sweet; Natalie with her arms wrapped around Regulus’s waist pressing a kiss to his cheek. Some of them were silly; everybody sat in rows on the dancefloor, their arms out to side. Some of them staged; Regulus and Leo sat on the big arm chairs beneath the origami stars. All of them captured tiny moments that none of them wanted to forget.
Leo tucked his head against Regulus' shoulder, trying to stifle his tears. He wasn't upset, not at all. It was just a lot. Seeing it all again. And then he remembered that all the decorations had been donated. Most of the woodland pieces, including the huge faux tree that had stood in the middle of one of the tables had gone to a local young theatre troupe that were struggling to finance their show, and the starry night pieces had gone to a group that were organising a Queer prom for the region's high schoolers that maybe didn't feel accepted at their own. For Leo, knowing that young kids like himself could take their prom photos with whomever they wanted, could truly decide whether they wanted to go with friends or their partners without fear, was the best part of all. Regulus wrapped his arm around Leo, pulling him closer.
"Thank you, I had the best prom ever."
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novelconcepts · 4 years
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Hi. I don't know if you do this sort of things and it's totally cool if you don't, but i've seen quite a lot of criticism pointed towards THoBM about it being dry and too domestic, about it being a children's story and long winded and a few blatant hints at it playing to the "kill your gays" trope.
I was wondering if you can talk a little about your own take on Bly Manor and Dani and Jamie's relationship.
I personally found it beautiful and healthy and it wasn't boring or juvenile at any point during the series. I even kinda like the end (in a masocistic sort of way). I honestly think they are one of the best wlw couples portrayed on tv, let alone on netflix but i'm curious to hear what you think.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Well, in terms of the bury your gays thing, I have never felt like this falls into that trope, simply because...look, queer people are people. We’re going to get old, get sick, have mental health strain, lose our spouses before we’re ready, because that’s the nature of life. The idea that this can’t be explored in a gothic romance story, a dark tale of loss--the idea that I can’t have this emotional catharsis that reflects what my actual life might look like someday--simply because we’re queer is...complicated at best. I stand by the idea that Dani doesn’t die because she’s queer; Dani’s queerness does not define her, though it certainly informs her character and gives her story a different kind of depth. Honestly, the only way this would have felt like a BYG story to me is if Jamie had died. Which, for a minute, I did think would happen, and I thought, “Great, they did this just for the heartache to make Dani’s life worse.”
And, instead of going that route, they gave Dani a whole lifetime of being in love, being largely at peace, being allowed the agency to live the time she has left to the fullest. That’s not a queer trope, that’s a human story I wish would become a queer trope, ‘cuz lord knows we could use more of it. And they set Jamie as our narrator, our hand to hold in the dark as she leads us through the story, telling us the heart of the whole thing is her love for Dani and Dani’s love for her. I think that’s the opposite of antagonizing your queer audience. I think that’s absolutely lovely. 
(I do discuss the darkness of Dani’s story and why it works for me more over here, if you’re interested.)
As for the rest of it...anyone who is complaining about this show being too dry or domestic or “childish” has already decided not to like it. The reasons for that are their own, and I’m not sure there’s a point trying to argue anybody into liking a piece of media that doesn’t suit them. Some of these people might not like the gay of it all; some just wanted more scares. The show isn’t really...designed for straight scares or straight people who just don’t “get it”, I guess. And it’s okay for not everyone to dig it, although I do find it frustrating when people just heap insults on a product because it wasn’t written “for” them. 
I personally find that this show is tailor-made for me. It’s all about found family and mutual admiration and the kind of respectful, evenly-balanced romance that surpasses death. There is nothing about that I don’t love. I think Dani is an incredible, well-rounded, interesting heroine; I think Jamie is a gorgeous foil to balance her out. I think Owen is an excellent example of non-toxic masculinity, I think Hannah is gloriously elegant and brave, I think the kids are a nice spin on the usual Creepy Children trope. I don’t find any of it boring, because...it’s exactly the kind of story I prefer. I am happiest when conflict is on a human level, people working through grief and emotional baggage to come out the other side stronger. Bly delivers that.
I also am happiest with a wlw couple that is treated with love and respect, allowed to be two people falling in love and staying that way. I love that there’s no biphobia, no jealousy, no unnecessary sniping or cheating like we see in most queer lady ships on television. I love that these are two women who hold each other up, communicate, and fall in love organically. And I understand that there are people--mainly straight people, but not exclusively--who aren’t going to be into this, because they’re under the impression that there’s no intensity or interest in domestic romance. Those people ain’t me. I find nothing at all boring about a well-performed, well-written love story between two people who genuinely like and respect one another all the way through. I frankly would take that every time, if I could. There aren’t enough healthy love stories like this in the world.
But yeah, the folks who aren’t into it aren’t into it, and that’s fine. I disagree with them wholeheartedly, but that’s going to happen. 
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mothra-obeyme · 4 years
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Feel free to ignore if it makes you uncomfortable- but maybe the demon brothers reacting to finding out that MC is intersex? I'm gender fluid and have changed my name but a lot of my family rejects me, including my parents. and it's hurting me a bit right now. So maybe some comfort headcanons? Only if you're comfortable.
It's alright it doesn't make me uncomfortable. Don't worry.
I made the MC nonbinary but i use it as an umbrella term so i hope that's alright
I also didn't know if you meant them finding out you're nonbinary or intersex because intersex has to do with the X and Y chromosons and biology so i just used nonbinary because i didn't know what you meant 😅
The Brothers finding out that you're nonbinary
When you first came into the Devildom you didn't tell the brothers you're nonbinary because you were scared they would reject you like your family did. A few weeks later when you were more comfortable with them you decided to tell them that you're nonbinary.
Undateables Version
!Warnings: Transphobia, Swearing!
Lucifer
"I'm very proud of you that decided you feel safe enough to tell me something as important as that. I accept you for who you are no matter your gender and if anybody doesn't then tell me and i will take care of them."
Lucifer also asks you which pronouns you use and you will never see him using something different and when he does accidentally not use the right pronouns he won't make a big deal out of it knowing that you want him to cause a scene
But you still have to explain it a little bit more to him to make him understand your situation better because he doesn't know much about genderqueernes
When you at one point decide to tell him about how your family rejects you for being nonbinary and doesn't use the right pronouns he will be very mad because how could someone be such an ignorant b*tch
Will go to visit them and have a talk with them
Will also ask Diavolo if you can go back to the Devildom if they're still rude to you after Lucifer had a talk with them
When you have a gender crisis and you don't know where to go for comfort you can always come to him. He will be there for you no matter how bad you feel.
Will also ask which petnames you're comfortable with and which not
If you're usually wearing a binder he will ask you if you at some point want to get top surgery and if you don't and are comfortable with wearing binders he's going to make sure you're not wearing them for too long
Mammon
When you told him that you're nonbinary he was confused at first and maybe sounded a bit rude because he didn't know what you meant
But he didn't really meant it to sound rude so when you explain it to him he understands what you mean
"You thought i would reject you, didn't you. Well jokes on you i'm the great Mammon so of course i'll accept you!"
Will ask for your pronouns as soom as he has to use them he's like:
"So then . . . wait are you using the other things like ... fuck what it is it called like with the she/him/they thing...."
"Do you mean pronouns?"
"Yes! Those which are you using?"
If you decided to tell him first and he finds out about it he's gonna be so happy inside but will act as if it's nothing
When he finds out about your parents rejecting you, not using your right pronouns and misgendering you he's really mad and he swore he will protect you with his life
So your parents should watch out because Mammon may not be the most intelligent out of his brothers but he's still the 2nd Strongest and really fast
Also gets really protective whenever someone is being rude to you and purposely misgenders you
Leviathan
With him being on the internet so much he already knows which genders there are and how to be respectful to members of the LGBTGIA+ community
So when you told him your nonbinary he was very understanding and also didn't make a big deal out of it because he thinks that people shouldn't have to come out and that it's a normal thing to be queer or genderqueer
Is also making sure to comfort you whenever you have body dysphoria and don't like your body
When searching for games to play with you he will do his best with choosing games that are nonbinary inclusive or where you don't have to give your gender
Is also understanding when you find a term you're more comfortable to be called
When you told him about your parents he got really mad and wanted to end them right away so you made sure to calm him down
Will try and convince Lucifer to let you stay here because if you're gone he's gonna be alone and you're more safe here then with your toxic parents
Will death glare at everyone who misgenders you or uses the wrong pronouns
Satan
I think he already knows the basics about being genderqueer so when you told him hoping he wouldn't reject you he was making sure to tell you he still accepts you and you being nonbinary doesn't change that
After you described your gender more to him he will search for books about it to make sure he understands you better and knows how to be respectful
Asking about your pronouns will also one of the first things he does and if he uses the wrong pronoun once he will make sure to apologise
If you're struggling with your gender and body dysphoria is getting to much he will make sure to give you a hug or cuddle and comfort you
At first he may not know how to do it but he will get better at it will ask you how to help you and will read the books he can find about it
Also when he finds out about the way your family treats you he's going to be mad as fuck like you're not able to hold him back Lucifer and Beel are literally pulling him back from trying to kill your parents as brutal as possible
After you managed to calm him down he will try everything he can do to let you stay here and you not having to go back to your family
I don't even want to talk about what he does when someone purposely misgenders you and uses the wrong pronouns like you don't want to know what happens to them
Asmodeus
He's probably also one of the brothers who's educated on that subject so when you tell him that you're intersex he's completely understanding and makes sure that you know that
Will also ask for your pronouns and ask if any petnames he regularly uses makes you uncomfortable in any way and if they do he'll stop using them
Supports any clothing you're comfortable wearing
You feel comfortable wearing a skirt even if you identify as nonbinary ? Hell yeah he supports that
I think he's also someone that thinks clothing doesn't have a gender and everybody can wear what they want
Oh boy when he finds out about your parents
When you told him he has that sweet smile on his face but you know he has so much rage in him right now
And with that smile he will have a talk with your parents and will call out everything that's wrong about them (ex: that they have no style; their bad skin etc.)
And after that he will try and force Diavolo to let you stay here with him because he's way too alone without you and he needs your affection
If anyone is being rude to you in public and is being a transphobic idiot he'll be like
"Hey honey can you hold my bag for a second?"
And then kick that demon right in the face yes not punching because he doesn't want his hands to get dirty or accidentally break one of his nails
Oh and he will completely destroy their confidence and will make them cry
Beelzebub
When he you told him that you're nonbinary he got realy confused because he didn't know what it meant
But after a while of explaining it to him he began to understand it and also accepted you immediately because he's boyfriend material
You do have to tell him to use other pronouns because he doesn't really know that your old one don't quite fit anymore
But he's very willing to learn more about genderqueernes and overall being queer and will try his best to make you as comfortable as possible
If you wear a binder and he saw you wearing one for the first time he'll get a little concerned and will ask if it's healthy but when you tell him that it's alright if you don't wear it for too long he's pretty chill
But he will make sure you're not wearing it for too long because he wants you to be healthy
Whenever you struggle with something be it body dysphoria or people being rude to you and transphobic he will intimidate them and make sure they will go away
When they're away he will ask if he can hug you and ask if you're alright
When he heard about your parents not accepting you he will be very angry and Beel is scary when angry but he'll be so sorry if he scared you
He just doesn't know how your own family can be so unaccepting and toxic
He will try his best at convincing Diavolo to let you stay here
He will be a little confused if you wear a skirt but when you tell him that you think clothes have no gender he's like
'Wait. Yeah that's completely true i should've realised that sooner.'
And will compliment you no matter what you wear or what's your style because he likes if you feel good about yourself no matter your clothes or gender
Belphegor
"You're nonbinary? Cool. What pronouns do you use?"
Like he'll be so casual about it you're like 'Wait i thought this would go different.'
He doesn't know everything about gender queerness but that doesn't mean he doesn't accept you
I don't think he really cares about gender he cares about your personality and if you're comfortable to sleep on and cuddle with
Will death glare at everyone who's being mean or transphobic and if they still don't stop he's not above beating someone up
Yes he may be lazy but he still hates when someone makes you feel bad
If you wear a binder he'll make sure to remind you to not wear it for too long
When he found out about your parents he was like
"Maybe killing humans is okay. You just have to kill the right ones."
Like you have to try your best to stop him from ending your parents life as soon as possible
I think he would buy you a blanket or pillow with the nonbinary flag on it because why not
He probably also thinks gender is a social construct and that you can wear whatever you want as long as you feel comfortable
Also gives you little compliments over day they may sometimes be a little weird but he's trying his best
"You're comfortable to sleep on no matter your gender."
Please reblog
Masterlist
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violetwolfraven · 3 years
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Willie Headcanons
So I actually came up with this like a month ago and forgot to post it. Anyway enjoy my headcanons about our favorite sk8er boi. Be ready for feels.
Tw: death, car accident mention, emotional manipulation.
...
In my mind, Willie had a good relationship with his parents. They were supportive and everything. They both loved Willie very much.
And Willie has youngest child energy so I’m saying he has a sister who’s 2 years older and a brother who’s 5 years older. Their names are Delilah and Austin.
AND ALL THREE OF THEM ARE ADRENALINE JUNKIES.
Seriously imagine the worst possible combination of head empty only skateboarding and you’ve got Willie, Delilah, and Austin.
Austin started skating when he was 7 and got Delilah hooked on it a year later.
Their parents kinda didn’t like the idea of it but those two had already started teaching Willie basic stuff by the time he was 3.
But... the other two had other interests. Delilah was into art (painting) and Austin played piano (like, really well).
For Willie, skateboarding was his thing. And it always was.
He had fun with it when his big brother would put his hands on his and teach him to play a bit, or his sister would give him some paint and a spare canvas and they’d doodle together, but it wasn’t like skating.
As far as I’ve seen (which admittedly isn’t that far) it’s widely accepted that Willie has ADHD so I’m leaning into that here.
And Willie inherited his brain from his dad, who had a bad experience with meds and so wouldn’t let any of his kids go through it.
So Willie grew up unmedicated but probably better off for the time period. His dad taught him coping mechanisms. Him and Austin. Delilah didn’t inherit it but she was taught to empathize with her brothers and recognize when they needed her help with something.
She’s a badass who can and does beat up anybody who’s mean to her brothers for missing social cues.
But anyway while Austin had piano (and skating as a side thing) Willie got even more hooked on skateboarding than either of his siblings because his brain latched onto it from a young age and couldn’t let go.
We all have our outlets. The chaos in our brains has to go somewhere. For Willie it goes into skating.
When he’s young he and his siblings will skateboard to school and then after school they’ll skate all around Hollywood for hours.
They do their homework in random McDonalds and Denny’s and tbh become local cryptid customers. Like they’re just these 3 super friendly skater siblings who tip really well and visit every fast food place within a 20 mile radius of their house with varying frequency.
They also find e v e r y skatepark, empty pool, and vacant lot in that 20 mile radius that they can possibly find.
Their parents have to bail them out of jail for trespassing and the occasional vandalism every so often.
Sometimes one of them has stuff to do and it’s just two of them out skating but if two of them are busy the other one never goes out alone cause it’s dangerous. We’ll get back to that later.
So anyway when they’re 17, 14, and 12, Delilah comes out as a lesbian.
And the family is supportive of course because they’re a good family.
But her coming out gets Willie thinking. About how some of his friends have crushes on girls but he just... doesn’t see the appeal.
Like he has a couple friends who are girls and they’re great and he likes hanging out with them at recess but he doesn’t get the hype. They’re just more friends. So he doesn’t really see what his big sister is so interested in either.
In my mind Willie actually is from around the same time as the boys (dying in like 1999) so one day while nobody else in their house is home he and Delilah are watching Star Wars: Return of the Jedi and Willie’s again wondering why people think Leia is so hot cause she’s cool and all but Luke is right there and he looks really good and—
Willie: I think I might be gay.
Delilah: Yeah I know.
They talk about it and Willie does decide to tell the rest of the family but he’s a bit wary about anyone else because he saw how some of Delilah’s friends turned on her after she came out. He doesn’t want that to happen to him.
He does end up telling a few of his friends but he doesn’t quite not care what people think of him the way his big sister does.
Austin is the only straight one and he’s like. So awkward about it but in a sweet way.
Austin: So, Britney Spears is hot, right?
Delilah: Stop.
And
Austin: So I saw you hanging around Chris the other day are you two..?
Willie: ...no...???
Austin: Cool, yeah I didn’t think so. Just had to make sure. Not that I’m doubting your ability to get boys but I’d have to shovel talk him if you were.
Willie: If I ever do get a boyfriend, please don’t.
He tries. He’s a himbo if that wasn’t clear. Where did you think Willie learned it?
So anyway fast forward a couple years and they’re 22, 19, and 17. Austin and Delilah are both in college and Willie’s the last one left at home and things between their parents start getting... tense.
Like they don’t fight exactly but they’ve fallen out of love and things are awkward.
Even Austin and Delilah can tell and they’re only home on breaks and some weekends but for Willie it’s right there and he’s watching it happen. He has no option but to see.
They used to have a rule that they don’t go skating alone because it’s dangerous but Willie just can’t make himself stay home so he goes out skateboarding.
At first it’s never too far from home or anywhere where there’s too much traffic but as things get increasingly awkward at home he goes out farther and farther, chasing the adrenaline high he used to get from going anywhere and everywhere every day after school with his siblings.
Then his parents officially tell him they’re getting divorced and
And it’s not like he couldn’t see it coming, but... it still hurts.
And neither of his siblings are coming home any time soon so
So he goes out skating on his own, way too far from home. He keeps going until he doesn’t even know where he is anymore.
He isn’t really paying attention the way he should but that’s not why he runs into trouble.
The driver of that red pickup is drunk and he rounds the corner out of nowhere.
If Delilah or Austin had been there they could have yelled for Willie to jump out of the way, or maybe up on the hood so the impact wouldn’t be as bad, but he’s alone.
So he gets hit, and the car was going fast enough that he’s dead before he even hits the pavement.
After that there’s a lot of confusion but once Willie figures out he’s a ghost... it’s too painful to think about going home, so he just... doesn’t.
He doesn’t want to see his family mourning him, so he just distracts himself, skating everywhere he couldn’t before without getting busted.
Plus some old routes where he used to go with Delilah and Austin, just for something that’s familiar but not too familiar.
He’s on one of those more familiar routes a few weeks after his death when he’s skating down Sunset Boulevard one night, singing along to Toxic by Britney Spears blasting from a nearby club and a man dressed in a purple suit comments on how he’s got a good voice.
Honestly Willie is just so relieved to have someone to talk to that he forgets about stranger danger completely.
Plus he recognizes an Elder Gay in Caleb and assumes he can trust him because the Elder Gays he met at pride that one time he went with Delilah were so nice and understanding of how reassuring it was to see queer people of older generations who got a happy ending.
Caleb barely even has to try. He just lets this 17-year-old obviously-queer ghost rant at him for a few minutes, asks a few questions and finds out that he also can play piano, and convinces him to come to the Hollywood Ghost Club the next night.
From there it’s not like Willie has anyone to save him so of course he has to join the club.
At first he’s completely alone because the other performers scare him almost as much as Caleb does.
Then slowly, he sees how they give him space because they know he’s scared of them. How they turn a blind eye when he leaves the club without permission. How they don’t critique his mistakes with the same sarcasm they show each other.
Willie starts to realize that the other performers are doing their best to look out for him, and he starts being less afraid.
They’re all too concerned with their own survival to really protect him but if they draw some attention to themselves occasionally so Caleb doesn’t notice Willie being slow to pick up some tricky choreography, that’s not too risky.
The others are all like 21 at the youngest and they really don’t appreciate Caleb tricking a literal child into working for him no matter how talented said child is. (Cause Willie is good at singing and piano. It’s just not his passion.)
The twins are 22 but they died in 1925 and before that they were performing to support a younger brother who they never got to say goodbye to so maybe they see Willie as a kind of second chance.
Lyssa (what I decided to name drummer woman because I don’t know her real name if she has one) is 25 and she died in 1984. She had a daughter who’d be about Willie’s age now and... who knows? Maybe they were friends.
Fuego is 24 and from 1951 and he had a childhood best friend who enlisted and died in WWII that he thought he might get to see when he died but that boy moved on and so... well, Willie’s just a little younger than his friend was the last time he saw him.
In short Willie becomes everyone’s baby brother and they do what they can to look out for him even if they’re just as scared of Caleb as he is.
And the better adjusted Willie gets to (after)life at the HGC and the better they get to know him, the guiltier the others start to feel about him being stuck there.
Eventually a combination of guilt and worked-up courage leads Fuego tells him about the whole unfinished business thing, in hopes maybe he can figure his out and get away from Caleb.
It doesn’t take Willie long to think of his family, how hopeless he felt about the divorce, how worried he was it would change everything and then how scared he was to see his family in pain because of his death.
He realizes his unfinished business is probably seeing them. Letting himself say goodbye.
He almost gets away with it.
Caleb catches up and stops him in the driveway of his house and poofs them back to the HGC.
He convinces (gaslights) Willie into believing that saying goodbye was never his unfinished business and even if it was it’s not like it would matter because Caleb wouldn’t let him do it.
The next morning he ships the HGC out to Tokyo. They stay on the move for a long time and when they are in town, Willie is basically locked in his room.
The next time he’s allowed out in Hollywood, his parents don’t live in their old house anymore and he has no way to find them.
As a coping mechanism, he just starts making the best of a bad situation. Becoming better friends with the other ghosts. Helping soften the blow whenever someone new comes along.
None of that means he stops checking the faces of passing skaters or keeping eyes on restaurants his folks used to like, but it does mean he more or less gives up hope.
That’s what he’s doing when he bumps into Alex.
Look, Willie loves his friends at the HGC. He really does. But there’s a big difference between 17 and 20-something. Like the others will drink alcohol some nights and technically Willie was born over 21 years ago but he still feels weird enough about it that he doesn’t drink.
He hasn’t talked to anyone his age in a long time so Alex is a breath of fresh air.
Also he’s like. Really cute. And sweet. And funny. And shit, Willie’s fallen for him before he even has time to think about it.
He keeps thinking about how Alex doesn’t seem like he’d be physically capable of hurting someone on purpose so Austin would approve and every once in a while there’s that sarcasm that pops out which means he’d get along great with Delilah.
In general Alex is the kind of guy he would’ve loved to take home to meet the family. Them not included, he’s kind of... everything Willie’s missed about Hollywood in the form of one person.
Then they hang out more and Alex is still everything he’s missed but he’s also so much more than that and...
It almost feels like a part of Alex is still alive. And for the first time in years, a part of Willie feels alive, too.
They’ve known each other for like a week tops and Willie is already in love.
Not that he’s admitting that to anyone, because he’s learned the hard way that anyone you care about can be used against you.
Still... when Alex asks for help getting revenge on Bobby, he can’t bring himself to say no because he needs to keep Alex in his (after)life and the only way he knows how to do that (or to make people be nice to him in general) is to be as useful as possible.
That turns out to be a big mistake, because Caleb sees right through him in an instant, targets Alex to confirm it, then immediately starts the process to trick the boys into committing to eternity at the HGC.
Willie feels like an idiot for thinking he could actually get away with it. Doing something good for someone he cares about.
He hadn’t thought Caleb would be interested in them because he’d never actually heard them play. The assumption was that he’d make them do some small favor and then let them talk to their bandmate for 5 minutes. A clean deal where they never have to commit to anything. Willie forgot to take magic into account.
He almost manages to convince himself it was all a bad dream, but when he seeks out Alex and his friends to check on them, he can almost feel the jolts himself, and seeing Alexthem in pain feels terrible.
Willie knows that theoretically they could figure out their unfinished business and cross over, but that all depends on finding it and doing it fast enough and if they failed...
People you care about can be used against you. And Willie does not want to be used against Alex again. He doesn’t want to see Alex used against him.
So he keeps his distance, in hopes Caleb will think he lost interest. He’s pretty sure once the boys find out about the stamp they’ll hate him, anyway.
And plus, as he’s been taught by his friends at the HGC, you have to look out for yourself because no one else will do it for you. Maybe you hurt somebody by not standing up for them, but you can apologize later and hope they forgive you. You can’t apologize if you’re gone, and it’s not like it would make a difference anyway because Caleb is too powerful for anyone to beat.
The thought of how spending eternity with Alex might not be so bad even if it has to be at the HGC does come up, but ironically that’s what makes Willie decide to screw his courage to the sticking point and tell them.
Because he has seen what decades at the club has done to his friends.
They’re all great performers, and they perform happiness well even to each other, but Willie knows them enough to know how tired they all are. How they have been doing the same thing over and over again for decades and they are sick of it.
They’re young, talented tragedies lost to drug overdoses, or AIDS, or accidents, or suicide, and they should’ve gotten to rest after everything they went through in their lives. Instead, they got a curse disguised as a blessing. They got to stay on a stage, got to keep performing and soaking up applause, never got to stop.
Willie has been there a shorter time than most of them and he feels it. The exhaustion, because ghosts are supposed to haunt for a few years then figure out their unfinished business and move on. They’re not meant to be trapped for decades, used as party tricks.
A part of Alex still feels alive and being trapped in the Hollywood Ghost Club for years on end would kill that part of him.
Willie can’t let that happen, so as hard as it is...
He tells the boys what’s wrong with them. And by that hurt, betrayed look in Alex’s eyes, he’s honestly expecting him to never forgive him.
But then Alex does. And that almost hurts worse because whether he figures out his unfinished business or not, Willie doubts he’s ever going to see him again.
He honest to God almost cries when Alex hugs him because... shit, he hasn’t gotten a hug since he was breathing.
He goes back to the HGC and tries to go about his day, and keeps replaying how good it felt to have Alex’s arms around him, hoping that memory will get him through the next few decades on his own.
The ghosts at the club do actually gossip a fair amount and by this point all of them know about the 3 dead members of Sunset Curve.
So when Willie admits to Helen (what I’m calling one of the twins) that Alex hugging him was the first time he’d gotten a hug since he died, she hugs him tight for a good 20 seconds, telling him she’s sorry he has to lose him, and if Willie closes his eyes he can almost pretend it’s Delilah.
The next thing he knows, he’s locked in a closet.
Caleb comes to talk to (intimidate) him a few hours later, saying he knows what Willie did.
He’s magically locked in his room alone for a couple weeks after that and it’s essentially psychological torture.
Helen, Anna (what I decided to call the other twin), Dante, Fuego, Lyssa, and everyone else tell him not to test Caleb for the next couple years, but Willie has a heart full of love and a head full of fuck it, so he doesn’t listen.
He gives it exactly one day of being/acting scared and obedient, then goes out without permission again, fully intending to scream in a museum alone to let out all his feelings.
Remember: Willie didn’t see the Orpheum performance. He doesn’t know the boys didn’t cross over but by Caleb’s mood he has a feeling the outcome of that scenario was not in the magician’s favor.
He gets there and it’s literally this comic by the very talented @williessweatycherrysocks
He can’t stay long but he and Alex scream in each other’s faces, talk a bit, maybe sing a duet.
After that, they sneak to see each other when they can but don’t get to see much of each other for months.
It’s hard on both of them but they don’t give up on their relationship.
Through long and complicated events which I will outline later, Willie eventually gets free of the HGC, hugs his friends goodbye already making plans to take down Caleb for good to free them, too, and promptly declines an offer to stay in the Molinas’ garage.
As much as he wants to be close to Alex he’s done being confined to one place.
He still comes and visits like every day tho.
He knows a lot more about ghosting than the other boys do so he and Carlos get along amazingly like:
Carlos: So do you know who Jack the Ripper was?
Willie: No? How old do you think I am?
Carlos: I dunno but I thought it might be Caleb cause that would explain how he never got caught.
Willie, taking notes in his Things To Potentially Use To Take Caleb Down notebook: You’re a tiny genius.
No one was expecting it but everyone is in awe of how well he and Carrie get along. Between the two of them they know so much celebrity gossip. (and it’s definitely a good thing he’s on good terms with her cause she and Alex are close)
On the angsty side, Willie also bonds with Nick over how they both know how it feels to be manipulated and used by Caleb.
Also it takes a long time before he’s able to trust him, but he does get adopted into the Molina clan by Ray.
Ray reminds him a lot of his own dad, once Willie’s able to see that he’s nothing like Caleb.
Ray’s honestly just 100% happy to Dad™️ anyone who needs a dad so it works out great once Julie and the boys figure out how to make Willie visible.
But anyway back to important stuff.
Now that they don’t have to hide for any reason, Willie and Alex can both breathe a little easier. Or... they both feel better. Ghosts don’t really breathe.
Willie can finally let himself get used to feeling alive again.
The whole ghost gang goes (invisibly) to the Los Feliz Homecoming dance and maybe it should make him feel a little on-edge with the kind of club-like environment but...
He’s got Alex there, and they’re dancing to some corny pop love song from the 90s that Flynn probably put on because she knew the ghost boys would be there so how could he feel anything but safe?
For a minute it almost feels like actually being alive and there’s yellow and pink and blue lights coming from everywhere reflecting in Alex’s eyes and Willie is suddenly very aware of the fact that though they’ve been together for a long time now, they haven’t had their first kiss.
Then the Cha Cha Slide starts up and the atmosphere switches and Willie totally forgets about the whole romantic tension thing because it’s the Cha Cha Slide everybody has to dance along.
Dirty Candi performs towards the end of the night and the ghost boys cheer the loudest despite how Julie’s laughing at them. They don’t care that Carrie can’t even hear them, they’re being supportive!!!
Everybody screams even louder when Flynn runs up on stage and kisses Carrie and Willie feels a big burst of affection at how Alex shouts ABOUT TIME!
Then he gives Willie a quick hug and leaves cause he and the rest of Julie and the Phantoms have to go get set up for their performance.
Since Alex was able to flip Carrie’s hair in All Eyes on Me I’m saying that ghosts can touch lifers if they focus and believe it will happen hard enough, so the ghost gang has developed a system for alerting their non-Julie lifer friends to their presence.
So while they’re waiting in the crowd Willie taps Carrie on the shoulder like: • - - one short tap, two long taps, a Morse code ‘W’ and Carrie lets Flynn know that he’s there.
(Nick can see him too but Nick’s off somewhere with his date {one of his lacrosse teammates you know the one})
Anyway so Julie goes out and starts up the song and then the rest of the band poofs in but
Something’s unusual.
Cause it’s not Luke on the lower main vocals.
It’s
Alex
Singing while he plays the drums and fucking killing it.
Willie totally bluescreens for a second but then when he actually focuses on the lyrics...
It’s a new song about beating the odds and being with the person you love in spite of the challenges that come with them.
And yeah there are Julie elements in there, (and she’s definitely making heart eyes at Luke even as he sticks to backup vocals) because of course there are since she has to start the song up, but
But Willie might not have any formal music training, but he was at the HGC long enough to know his stuff about music and recognize different artists’ styles.
And there’s a time signature switch on the bridge that’s a little off from how Luke would write it. There’s a swing to the melody that’s a bit more ‘pop’ than the band’s usual songs. Julie’s harmony doesn’t go as high as it normally would, as if whoever wrote the song didn’t have as high of an upper range to work with as she does.
The song is so unmistakably Alex that no one else could have written it.
Flynn and Carrie are quietly making smug comments on what they bet his face looks like right now but Willie’s not listening to them.
On the last chorus, Alex fucking winks at him right before poofing out.
Willie has whiplash like how did they go from him having to psych Alex up to break into a museum even when there’s zero chance of getting caught to Alex openly flirting with him from the stage?
He poofs backstage right as the boys get back from dropping their instruments back in the Molinas’ garage and he honestly doesn’t know what he even wants to say to convey how amazing that performance was.
Then Alex just smiles at him.
Alex: So I take it you liked the song?
Willie: Can I kiss you right now?
They both kinda freeze after he blurts that out and Reggie goes wow really quietly before he and Luke poof out to give them some privacy and whoops now they’re both flustered but
Alex: Wow, didn’t expect that. That’s... um, wow. But yeah.
They kiss and it’s a total romcom moment.
And the story’s far from over, but to Willie this definitely feels like happily ever after.
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(How to Break the) Alibi Armistice
So, @gallavictorious and I were talking about the logistic problems with Mickey and Terry (a) wanting to brutally murder one other and (b) frequenting the same places. (Read: The Alibi Room.) Could be sorted by Terry just going the hell away, of course, but where's the fun in that? (Okay, sure, there's some fun in Mickey murdering the shit out of Terry, but that's such a simplistic solution and we're sophisticated women. Also, you can only kill him once, but you can make his life miserable forever.)
Anyway. We're thinking it might go down a little like this:
The first time they see Terry after the wedding is at the Alibi. He isn’t alone, but he’s the only one that matters considering the whole burning-down-their-venue debacle. And yeah, they could probably have played it cool, ignored him —  not like he’d do something with a whole bar full of witnesses, right? But Ian still suggests they go home or come back later, which Mickey is not having.
“I’ve been drinking here since I was fourteen. I’m not fucking leaving. He tries to start shit, I will sink his teeth so deep into that bar that he’ll be shitting splinters for weeks.” 
So that’s that. 
Mickey heads to the bar, but before he can order, Terry does indeed step in to start shit. Mickey doesn’t really pay attention to what he says — something about not serving pansies here or whatever the fuck. He’s too busy cataloguing the various ways he can get Terry alone for a few minutes in the alley before Ian wises up. Then he realizes that oh, they’re already in each other’s faces and oh, they’ve got each other by the collar. The fuck did that happen?
Things would have turned bloody then – which would have suited Mickey just fine – had Kev not stepped in and calmly declared that if either of them started whaling on the other, they'd both be banned from the bar. Forever. 
That actually gives them pause. The Alibi's a shit hole, but it's their shit hole and has been for a long time.
Terry's blood-shot eyes turn from Mickey to Kev; the malevolence remains. “You try to stop me from coming here, I'll come back with a goddamn flame-thrower.”
If Kev is unnerved, he doesn't show it. “I don't wanna stop anybody from coming here. But if you do, you have to play nice. No murdering each other. No violence.”
And of course, Mickey is far from amused because, “You came to our fucking wedding, but you won't take sides when the asshole who tried to murder us picks a fight?” Deep down, though, he gets it. The Alibi Room has always been neutral ground. Besides, it's not like Terry's fucking joking about burning the thing down, so. It is what it is.
And maybe no one likes it, maybe no one is totally happy in the end, but they both reluctantly agree, to everyone else's great relief. Kev doesn't try anything as stupid as making them shake hands; he just waits until Terry has retreated to the pool table before pouring Mickey a beer and a shot and asking Ian how's work. 
That’s how the truce is born.
It even lasts for a while, to the utter bafflement of everyone on the South Side, from the transplanted gentrifying assholes to the lifers. Truth be told, it’s mostly due to neither party having much opportunity, or reason, to break the rules. When Ian and Mickey are at the Alibi, Terry generally isn’t; they assume that he visits during their longer stints drinking at home when the money is tighter and Kev less free with the booze. 
Sometimes, Ian will see him there when he stops in on his own, and they ignore each other like they always have whenever Terry isn’t suspecting Ian of sleeping with one of his kids—or catching him at it. Other times, Mickey’s the one who spots him, but Terry doesn’t seem very interested in forcing a confrontation when Mickey’s husband isn’t standing beside him like the tallest, orangest fucking pride flag in Chicago. Doesn’t mean Mickey isn’t occasionally tempted to stick his foot up the bastard’s ass, but Kev always manages to shoot him a glance in silent reminder and he grudgingly downs his glass before hightailing it out every time.
It works. They drink, and nobody leaves in a body bag. All in all, the ceasefire is a success: Kev gets to run his business in peace, and while nobody really wins, nobody really loses either. 
At least not until peace gets boring as hell. 
It happens on a Thursday, and the evening starts off just like any other night they've managed to ditch their responsibilities at the house: they meet up at the Alibi after work for drinks and a chance to be just Ian and Mickey rather than uncles/brothers/responsible adults. Like any other night, they're talking and laughing and Ian has one beer, Mickey three.
It's not very exciting, maybe, but it's theirs and it's nice – until Terry steps through the door with Uncle Ronnie in tow. It takes the evil fucker all of two seconds to spot Mickey, then spot his husband too, seated in one of the booths at the far side of the room. For a moment, father and son simply stare at each other, and had anyone else dared to look for more than the briefest of moments, they'd have seen the cold rage slowly give way to cunning malevolence on Terry's face. He doesn't say anything; he orders a beer and heads straight for the pool table and tells Uncle Ronnie to rack up. 
And then Terry starts talking. Keeping his eyes on the game, on Uncle Ronnie, on anything that isn't Ian and Mickey—he talks, loudly and at length, of what he did to this queer and that, in prison and outside. 
These...are not nice stories. Not very detailed, true, but...yeah. They're not nice.
There's a hush growing in the bar, as patron after patron falls silent, and their eyes dart between the foulmouthed man by the pool table and his son, still and stone-faced at a table nearby. Behind the counter, Kev stands frozen in the process of wiping down a foggy glass, watching and waiting to see if he should grab the broom now or later. 
“He's just trying to provoke you,” Ian says urgently, and his voice is almost steady in spite of it taking damn near everything he has not to get up and run Terry through with the damn cue stick. “He wants you to go for him. Break the truce, get barred.” 
His eyes are on Mickey's face, intent and ready to jump into action the second Mickey makes his move. 
“Yeah, I know.” 
And here's the thing: Mickey sounds calm. This doesn't reassure Ian, because Mickey calm sometimes just means him taking a second to savor the fact that he's about to unleash absolute hell, but then Mickey shifts his gaze from his utter asshole of a father and to Ian. There's a small smile on his lips; it's a sharp thing, true, but a smile all the same. “He wants fucking queer? We'll give him fucking queer.” And he reaches out for Ian and pulls him into a long, hard kiss.
It takes a second for Ian’s brain to reboot enough to break away, hissing, “In front of your dad?!”
“The fuck’s it look like?”
“He’s gonna kill you. Then I’ll be a widower for three seconds until he kills me.”
Mickey’s eyebrows don’t slam into his hairline, but it’s a near miss. “What, are you scared, Gallagher?”
Ian…isn’t. He used to be scared of Terry back when they were kids and he was this dark, shadowy figure who could make Mickey do whatever he wanted simply by virtue of being his father. But they are past that. Terry, like Frank, is old. Terry, like Frank, doesn’t have any power over his kids now. Terry is a blot on their past, but he has no bearing on their future. 
Which is exactly what Mickey’s getting at. 
So Ian shrugs and Mickey nods like he did at the docks, not having to say uh huh, that’s what I thought.
And he leans back in because hey, if Terry does kill them, at least they’ll make it worth the trouble. 
It’s a little awkward, what with the table between them, but they have long been pros at not being kept apart. Leaning over the table, Ian cradles the back of Mickey’s head; Mickey’s hand is on Ian’s neck and the other on his upper arm, clutching at the fabric of his jacket. There's nothing chaste about this, nothing sweet. It's desire and defiance, lips and tongues and teeth, Mickey's fingers digging into Ian's arm, Ian's twisting in Mickey's hair as he pulls him closer, closer, closer. 
(It's another thing Ian blames and hates Terry for. Mickey loves to kiss, loves being kissed, and yet he wouldn't allow it, not for their first year and not for much of their second. No matter how often they stop for a playful peck or something more serious and passionate now, they'll never make up for those lost years and all the kisses they should have shared then.
They sure as hell can try, though.)
It goes on and on. The initial frustration shifts into something softer and more real as any thought of Terry – or anyone – fades and becomes a faraway thing. There is Mickey and there is Ian, and the taste and the smell and feel of the other, and they've done this a thousands times and yet – 
And yet.
And yet it takes a distant vibration and the sound of glass on wood before they hear Kev clear his throat. “Uh, he’s gone. Been gone for ten minutes.” 
Mickey pulls back first and leans over to see past Ian’s shoulder that yeah, Terry’s gone. Nobody appears to be talking about him or them either, so Kev probably isn’t exaggerating about how long they’ve obliviously been at it, especially considering he’s got that dumb smirk on and won’t meet their gazes as he turns back towards the bar. 
And speaking of dumb, Ian is still staring at him like he did after their first kiss, all gooey and gross as if they haven’t done this so often that none of the Gallaghers even complain anymore. Jesus. Leave it to Ian not to have learned how to play shit cool after all these years. 
But what can a guy do when Mickey’s husband is watching him like he farts rainbows, and like he doesn’t give a shit about why they’d attacked each other’s faces in the first place? Mickey doesn’t blame him; he’s having a hard time remembering too right now.
He dives back in, because why not? Their ceasefire says no violence, so (almost) any and all displays of affection are well within the rules. He puts his hand on the side of Ian’s neck where it’s always fit best and reels Ian in, despite how much easier it would’ve been to get on his side of the booth this time. 
“Thought this was about your dad,” Ian mutters into his lips because of course he can’t shut his mouth to save his life.
Mickey shrugs - “Fuck ‘im” - and gives him something better to do with that mouth.
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scatterpatter · 3 years
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Corren - 1 through 100 - You did this to yourself.
FUCK YOU *UN-IRONICS YOUR ASK*
UNDER THE FUCKING CUT
1. What do they smell like?
Bad. Do you think their party is able to regularly take showers? I thinketh the fuck not. ... Pine and old books when he can self care tho.
2. What is their voice like?
Listen I know Corren, being taller, would be more likely to have a deeper register but you'll tear "tenor Corren" out of my cold dead hands
3. What is their biggest motivator?
Spite.
4. What is their most embarrassing memory?
When he first met his BFF Alondra, he was so antisocial and good at ignoring people that she actually got the impression he might have been hard of hearing. She never let him live that down. (one day I'll finish this fic i promise)
5. How do they deal with/react to pain?
"I will keep all of my pain in here, and one day I'll die." ... Okay but listen he's squishy so he takes like one hit and is bloodied up. Someone get him a healer. Pls.
6. What do they like to wear?
He likes his cloak. Its weighty and soft(well. WAS soft. got a bit of wear and tear these days.) and like. Who doesnt love cloaks.
7. Which of their relationships have impacted them most positively?
Ohhhhh fuuuccck this one's tough. I might have to go with Torvid honestly. While the entire party has had a positive impact on him(and trust me I was this close to picking Alistair), Torvid's been more of the one to call him out on his bullshit and to, oh I don't know, talk about your emotions? Ever??? Yknow BEFORE they become too much to handle and he absolutely breaks down???
8. What’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten?
Alistair's cooking.
9. Describe the way that they sleep.
Good luck finding him NOT cuddled up with at least one dog. Tbh he just enjoys cuddles in general.
10. What is their favorite food/kind of food?
FUCKIN. GIVE HIM A GOOD STEAK. THIS BOY IS MOSTLY CARNIVORISTIC.
11. What do they feel most insecure about?
As tempted as I am to say "His cooking", it's actually his singing.
12. How do they like to dress?
"Comfort over flashiness tbh. I gotta go ADVENTURING in whatever I wear after all."
"... Also don't you DARE perceive me as cishet."
13. How do they react to feelings of guilt?
Call him a genie because he will BOTTLE THAT SHIT UP.
14. How do they react to/deal with betrayal?
Denial :D
15. What is their greatest achievement?
Shrike: Killing his dad
Me: NOOOOOO
EDIT: WAIT THIS WAS ANSWERED IN Q99 WHAT THE HECK
16. What are they like when they’ve gotten too little sleep?
Somehow more of a dick than usual. Snappy and cranky and just. Mrehhh.
17. What are they like when they’re drunk?
Doesn't get drunk often, but when he does I imagine he's actually giggly and a little clingy. It's cute :)
18. What kind of music do they enjoy?
*Opens my Corren playlist* Oh yeah. It's either full edgy alt rock or indie alt "depressed millenial" tracks.
19. Are they right or left handed?
FFFuuhhhhck uhhhh well
Looking over my old art I can't seem to pick a dominant hand(I've even drawn him handling his sniper with either hand???????????) so like oops guess he's ambidextrous.
20. Fears?
The dark, the ocean, dying alone and forgotten, his friends losing their trust of him
21. Favorite kind of weather?
Rain!!!! Especially cool rain like what people often get in fall months.
22. Favorite color?
Indigo!!!
23. Do they collect anything?
Books :3
24. Do they prefer either hot or cold weather more?
Cold weather by far.
25. What is their eye color?
Electric blue!
26. What is their race/ethnicity?
Well his race is a homebrew race known as Marelienth. Uhhh ethnicity? Idk he's from a mountain town way up north *shrugs*
In human aus I imagine him as half-Mongolian half-Norwegian so ayee
27. Hair color?
Black!
28. Are they happy where they are currently?
No :D He loves adventuring with his party don't get me wrong but he still has a lot of trauma to unpack. ... Also he was just possibly broken up with soooo. :/
29. Are they a morning person?
NOPE.
30. Sunrise or sunset?
*motions to above question* Sunset.
31. Are they more messy or more organized?
More organized, actually!
32. Pet peeves?
*unravels a list. It's all shit the party has done. Mostly Alistair.*
33. Do they own any objects of significant personal importance?
HOOUSIDSJFK- HE- Y-YEAH HE SURE DOES
His amethyst pendant used to belong to his brother, Julian, and he gave it to Corren right before they were separated so you BET it's sentimental as shit and he wears it daily.
34. Least favorite food?
Mecha's usually a great cook but one time trolled him with some absurdly spicy curry he couldn't handle and he's never forgiven them.
35. Least favorite color?
Hmmm. Maybe... yellow?
36. Least favorite smell?
He spent a year with his party in a damp cave and no showers, so uh. I'll give you a guess.
37. When was the last time they cried?
Literally last night in our game's timeline :D Full breakdown and everything!
38. Were they with anybody the last time they cried?
Torvid :D He was there to comfort
39. Tell us about one of the times they got injured?
One time they were in combat and Corren took a few hits and was down to about 2hp or so. He had a temporary level thanks to Kieran, which boosted his HP a little bit. When he teleported them to a safe town, though, well... Torvid was waiting for them so that's cool. But uh. Yeah that temporary level wore off then and there, dropping Corn Cob to exactly 0hp and he just- flopped down face first in the snow and started dying then and there KJNDKLFNSLKN
40. Do they have any scars?
:)
Do you want to talk about the scar over his eye from a fight he got in with his dad or like. The scars on his limbs from the time he was literally experimented on.
41. Do they struggle with any mental health issues?
:)
Undiagnosed+Untreated Anxiety, Depression, DPDR, PTSD, just to name a few
42. Do they have any bad habits?
Running away from his problems, definitely.
43. Why might someone dislike them?
He's a pretentious nerd. He can be a dick if he doesn't care about you.
44. Why might someone love them?
He's an adorable nerd! He's a hopeless romantic and oddly enough an optimist. He's passionate and driven too!
45. Do they believe in ghosts?
Well ghosts are like- a canon proven thing in his world sooo. Yeah.
46. Is there anyone they would trust with their lives?
His party. Well- most in his party.
47. Are they romantically interested in anyone?
Nethyl :)
48. Are they dating/married to anyone?
He's dating Nethyl and they're in a happy and healthy relationship :) *politely ignores canon*
49. Do they like surprises?
NO >:(
50. When is their birthday?
Heroya 5th! I think. I don't wanna check, assume it's this.
51. How do they usually celebrate their birthday?
"You guys celebrate your watchdays?"
Jokes aside, he mainly just treats himself to a nice dinner and a new book or something :)
52. Do they have any family?
Two older siblings: Julian and Mila. His parents are Andreas and Fanya!
53. Are they close to their family?
... *Coughs*. He was close with his siblings, but Mila died and he hasn't seen Julian in 30 years. Was close with his dad but last time they saw each other, they fought and Corren might have killed him so. ... Yeah. :/
54. What is their MBTI type?
FUCK uh. I... N... T... J? INTJ. Sure.
55. What is their zodiac sign?
In Sekrezia: The eagle
In our world: Uhhh. Idk. Capricorn????
56. What Hogwarts House would they be in?
Uhhh. Ravenclaw??? I know almost nothing about HP :/
57. What D&D alignment are they?
THIS ONE'S EASY- lawful neutral!
58. Do they ever have nightmares? If so, what about?
:)
Used to have typical nightmares, nothing special. Nowadays though he often dreams of being underwater. Not drowning, though. It's... weird. He doesn't like those.
59. What are their views on death?
He's a necromancer lol.
Death is inevitable, though. It's a necessary part of life. Death is not an entire loss, though. One lives on in the memories others carry of them, in the love they hold in their hearts. Death is complicated, but that's okay.
60. What is something that they’re sure to laugh at?
Alistair :)
61. When bored, how do they pass time?
Dog time :)
62. Do they enjoy being outside?
... Ehhhhhh?
63. Do they have an accent?
Technically??? It's an accent from where he's from but like. I just barely tweak my own voice when I rp him so? Damn Corren I'm sorry you've been cursed with east coast dialect.
64. Upon seeing a slice of chocolate cake, what is their first reaction?
"Damn who's the rich bastard here?" (cake is kinda a delicacy in their world- not like elites only but not NEARLY as common as it is here)
65. If they knew they were going to die, what would they do/say?
Reassurance mode to whomever he's with. "Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm okay. Remember what I told you, death is a natural part of life, yeah? I don't have any regrets, I'm okay... Just. Thanks. For giving me a chance. Thank you. Thank you."
66. How do they feel about sex?
I SWEAR he's allosexual. I'm just bad at writing allosexuals.
67. What is their sexuality?
He doesn't really know how to pin it down, so he just calls himself "queer". Definitely not straight, that's all he knows.
68. Do they become squeamish at the sight of blood?
AHAHA no. He's hella desensitized
69. Is there anything that they find really gross?
Skulking cyst. Look it up at your own volition. It's. NO.
70. Which TV Trope(s) best describes them?
It's 12:21 in the morning and I'm NOT about to scroll through a bunch of tv tropes just. just. NERD stereotype.
71. Do they enjoy helping people?
Yyyyes? Only really if it's the people he cares about.
72. Are they allergic to anything?
Bullshit.
73. Do they have a pet?
WINGTHARA!! HIS SKELE-DOG!!!
74. Are they quick to anger? What are they like when they loose their temper?
Oh yeah he's all bark and no bite. He usually just throws a little fit and/or yells.
75. How patient are they?
More than he should be :/
76. Are they good at cooking?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
77. Favorite insult? Do they insult people often?
Oh yes he insults the others all the time. No particular favorite, he likes so spice it up.
78. How do they act when they’re particularly happy?
Stim. Stim. Stim. His eyes get all sparkly and he. He.
79. What do they do when they learn about other people’s fears?
He will do everything in his power to assure they won't ever have to deal with their fears alone- You afraid of spiders? It's his job to get the spiders from now on so you won't have to deal with them.
80. Are they trustworthy?
Oh yeah. He's like Rapunzel- doesn't break promises.
81. Do they try to hide their emotions? Are they good at it?
Oh yes he tries to hide it. And yes, he's awful at it.
82. Do they exercise regularly?
Yes and no? No like- exercise regimen, but the amount of travelling and fighting they do is just- a workout in and of itself
83. Are they comfortable with the way they look?
Yeah! He's cute and he knows it baybie!!!
84. What are some physical features that they find attractive on people?
He,,, he likes someone who's physically stong,,, Muscles are,,, aaaaa >///>
85. What kind of personalities do they find attractive?
Someone he can nerd out with :)
86. Do they like sweet foods?
Impartial to it. He won't turn sweets away but he's not crazy about them either.
87. What is their age?
43, the equivalent of- I think someone in their mid 30s?
88. Are they tall or short or somewhere in between?
He's 6'8" :) Which is actually normal for his race
89. Do they wear glasses or contacts?
Sometimes! I like to think he has reading glasses or something like that.
90. Do they consider themselves attractive?
HE'S CUTE AND HE KNOWS IT.
91. What is their sense of humor like?
Julian tainted his sense of humor and now he finds the most dumb shit hilarious. Think very millenial/GenZ humor like "I wish I was Jared, 19"
92. What mood are they most often in?
"I don't get paid enough for this" or Fear.jpg
93. What kinds of things anger them?
People who don't keep their FUCKING WORD. Oh and like. Yknow. Half the shit his party does.
94. Outlook on life?
Again he's??? Oddly an optimist? In the "Things will get better and that is a fucking THREAT" way, but still optimist!
95. What kind of things make them sad/depressed?
Talk about his family :) Or the fact that his boyfriend might want him dead :)
96. What is their greatest weakness?
He's squishy as fuck. He goes down easy.
97. What is their greatest strength?
He's extremely intelligent and great with magic and his sniper!
98. Something that they regret?
Not doing more to stop his brother when he tried to resurrect their sister
99. Biggest accomplishment?
Either convincing an entire town his name is Torren or accidentally convincing some very OP people that he's secretly a dragon.
100. Create your own!
FUCK YOU I SPENT LIKE 2 HOURS ON THIS. NO PROOFREAD. IVE ALREADY DESIGNED CORREN'S AND NETHYL'S HYPOTHETICAL KIDS. ANYWAYS THEY'RE TWIN IRINAGA AND I'VE NAMED THEM AFTER THE DNDADS TWINS: THEIR NAMES ARE LARK AND SPARROW.
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oneweekoneband · 4 years
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i didn’t though
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When I was twenty and tractable I listened to “Treacherous” and I believed Taylor Swift was telling me something, because “I’ll do anything you say / If you say it with your hands”, is not content meant for straight people, even though legally they, too, are allowed to hear it, and they do generally have hands. When Taylor Swift drank beers with Karlie Kloss at a Knicks game in 2014, I believed she was telling me something even more forcefully, because, really, why be at Knicks game if not just to kill time politely before fucking whoever you’re there with. When reputation was released and it contained “Dress”, a song about buying a certain item of clothing to look good for a person you love specifically not “like a best friend” so that after “all the pining and anticipation” they can remove it from your body and you can drink wine together in the bath, I believed Taylor was screaming a confession at me, and I was more than ready to receive it. When I heard from multiple sources just last year, amidst the aggressive rainbow-deluge of the Lover promo cycle, an ultimately false rumor that said Taylor was going to come out in a Rolling Stone cover story I, somehow, incredibly, brain as smooth as a baby’s ass, believed that too.
I have believed a lot of things. And it’s a nice diversion, to believe like that. But, more recently, I’ve found that the detective in me has turned away from this one. The only facts I’ll ever know about Taylor Swift are those she wishes to share, and speculating about what secrets she may or may not be hiding is a distraction from the real, joyful work of appreciating all these already literally, unequivocally, very gay songs. I’ve found, well, that I just don’t care anymore, which sucks, as I detest the squirmy idea that I might be growing as a person. But the truth is one really can write extremely, objectively homoerotic love songs yet be, for all intents and purposes, terminally straight. And like that poignant tweet about Lin Manuel Miranda tells us, you can seem gay, because of, like, your whole deal, and then it turns out you’re just annoying. You can even have a torrid love affair with your one-time supermodel best friend and in the end just want to marry some guy from The Favourite (Allegedly from The Favourite. I have seen that film three times and could not pick that man out of a lineup if my life depended on it.) and maybe there’s nothing to announce to anybody about it at all. Sexuality is complex and personal, and Taylor’s own sexuality doesn’t much matter to me, outside of how I always think it’s nice to know there’s yet another bisexual white woman out here in the world being even more irritating than me. (I say this strictly in terms of labeling; it ought to go without saying that Taylor’s various psychosexual obsessions with things like Amy from Gone Girl, and The Kennedys, and her house in Rhode Island matter to me immensely.)  It doesn’t matter because it has no bearing on the fact that she keeps dropping queer classics.
Anyway, yeah, most good Taylor Swift songs are gay, just like most good things, generally, and there’s a number of viable picks on folklore, except not “betty”, no matter what the collective banshee’s wail of the Internet tells you. The gayest thing about “betty” is that it’s Taylor putting herself in the mind of a skateboarding teenage boy, which, yes, admittedly, is a big homo vibe, but nowhere in or around this song are any people of the same gender identity smashing bathing suit parts together, or even thinking about doing so, and when there are so many better options available, I feel it is prudent that we have just the barest hint of standards. As queerness itself is malleable, wonderfully, painfully individual, and comes in no one standard format, so too is determining which song on a Taylor Swift album is the most gay a singular, complicated calculus we all must do for ourselves within our own hearts, and, of course, there are no wrong answers, unless it so happens that your answer is not “the 1”.
“the 1” made me lose my grip for a moment. A cool lament, calmly wrenching, right off it was sucking out my bone marrow and I wasn’t able to name why. (Well, except, obviously, that the twin unit of, “You know the greatest films of all time were never made,” and “You know the greatest loves of all time are over now,” is pure, not from concentrate, peak embarrassing & devastating & all the more embarrassing for being so devastating Swiftian lyricism.) Finally, weeks after the release, out walking the streets of Los Angeles midday, masked and fractious, lower back sticky, brain a little mean, buying a soda at the gas station just to talk to someone, it came to me that  “the 1” is a spiritual sequel to Red’s drum-heavy forever banger “Holy Ground”. The Taylor of “Holy Ground” reminisces frantically about a lost love, some near-miss from youth. That drumbeat is a racing heart. The animating nervousness of “Holy Ground”, the way you can almost hear the narrator’s limbs flapping wildly against her body when she says that she’s dancing, has from the beginning marked this song to me as a story of looking back on some sort of formless and magical teenaged queer encounter. “Holy Ground” is looking at a precious memory like it’s a firefly in cupped hands—small and special and easy to lose—being not entirely certain what the memory means, since whatever it was that happened back then, you never really talked it out. “Holy Ground” is about a love that for all its vitality did not work out, but it is appreciative rather than sad. “But sometimes I wonder how you think about it now,” Taylor sings, “and I see your face in every crowd.” 
“But we were something, don’t you think so?” asks “the 1”, imploring an ex to confirm her version of events, to agree that she’s remembering it right. Taylor has not ever struggled in her work with place and the self and matching the two against one another on the wriggling timeline of the human life. I was there I was there I was there. The question here is something else. Not was it real, but was it real to you, and do you remember now what that was like. Do you remember who I was then? What we were? The truth as it pertains to the heart of another is guesswork at best, and a troublesome kind. Memories break and bend, or weren’t even recorded right to begin with, every brain a dirty liar, and for two separate, imperfect creatures to share the responsibility of preserving one history together is a disaster. The hard facts then are grounding. Essential. “I thought I saw you at the bus stop / I didn’t though”.  Everyone has past romances that they still ask questions about, yes—I am not practicing my virulent heterophobia today—but none of my queer friends are without at least one were-we-or-weren’t-we in their past, a clinch with another that was incandescent and unnameable, long over but dangling forever there loose outside the neat boxes of friend or lover. To be a queer person is to exist already beyond and without the organizing structures of heterosexuality, and this can be difficult, dangerous, but in liminality there is freedom, and in years of painstakingly debating whether I wanted to be or bang so many various somebodys I have, along the way, put the pieces of myself in the order they fit best. So then there are loves where you aren’t sure if that’s technically what it was, if it’s what they’d call it, too. Or loves that were undeniably real, only we were too busy back then with trying to turn into ourselves to keep it. And loves from the very start, from walking together on colt legs, exuberant and unprepared, and the memory is a blessing, and the memory is guilt.
 “the 1”, to the ear, is softer and slinkier than “Holy Ground”, but the lyrics are dismantling. “Holy Ground” says, “And darling, it was good / Never looking down”. Full of longing, but cheerful and sure. “the 1” is older, resigned. On “the 1” Taylor mourns a love not only because it has ended, but because she can sense, from the safety of time’s remove, that it was a love which deserved better, could have been better, if things had been only a little different, if they’d felt brave enough to try just a little more. In this version of nostalgia, the golden haze of “Holy Ground” is ribboned by a vaporous shame, a regret. The song relates a story of a love that is farther out of reach and meant more than what the little girl of “Holy Ground” could have dreamt. “In my defense I have none / for digging up the grave another time / but it would’ve been fun / if you would’ve been the one”.
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megan1412 · 3 years
Text
Take a Sad Song and Make It Better
Julian gets picked on at school and John and Paul are not happy. (Warning: Potentially offensive material reminiscent of time period pertaining to discrimination against LGBTQ+ people.)
————————————————————————
John waits outside on the porch for the nanny to drop Julian off from school. He writes on his notepad possible lyric ideas among other things. The car pulls into the drive and he smiles at the nanny as she parks. She gets out of the car and has a worried look on her face. John immediately notices.
“What’s wrong?”
“I found Julian by the wall outside of the school crying. He is so upset he won’t tell me what’s happening.”
John goes towards the car door and Julian crawls out. His eyes are red from crying. He is sucking his thumb. John picks up his son and hugs him tight.
“What happened Jules?”
“Nothing.”
“Come on. You can tell me anything.”
“Where’s dada?”
“He’s inside. If Dada is with me will you tell me what happened?”
“Yes.”
He thanks the nanny and says goodbye. He walks inside and Julian hangs on to him and rests his face in the crook of John’s neck. Paul is making dinner and notices Julian’s timid nature.
“Something happened.”
“Yeah he won’t tell me.”
Paul wipes his hands and picks up Elizabeth out of the high chair. They walk into the living room and sit down on the couch. Julian instantly scoots over to where Paul is and hugs him tight. Paul puts Elizabeth on her tummy mat and puts his hand on her back while she lays there and attempts to wiggle around.
“What happened baby?”
“I had a bad day.”
“What do you mean?”
“Bad kids.”
“Bad kids?”
“They made fun of me today for having two daddies.”
The statement makes John grow beet red. Paul rubs his forehead and sighs.
“What did you say love?” Paul says quietly.
“I told them to stop and they began parading around and laughing.”
“Well you did the right thing not getting mad. Did you tell the teacher or headmaster?”
“Yes. They didn’t do anything.”
John gets up and starts to pace around the room. He air punches and curses under his breath.
“John love. Please sit back down.”
“Tomorrow. We are going to the school and making this right.”
“Diplomatically.”
“Yes... diplomacy.”
Paul rolls his eyes and kisses Julian on the forehead.
Later that night, John is tucking the boys in and notices Julian’s mood change.
“Don’t worry Jules. We will make this right. I promise.”
“You won’t yell at anybody will you Dad?
“Only if I need to.”
“I love you Julian Lennon-McCartney.”
“Love you too Daddy.”
John turns off the light and kisses Sean on the forehead who is already asleep. He heads to the master suite and finds Paul on the bed, in tears.
“I can’t believe it. Our son is being harassed for something that’s not even his problem. It fucking sucks!”
“Paul, we are going to end this. Those parents who told those kids to make fun of my son will have to answer to me.”
“I trust you will be nice.”
“Cross my heart and hope to die.”
“Quite childish Lennon.”
“It counts. I promise.”
They lay in bed and wonder what the next day will bring.
——————
The next day, they take Julian to school and don’t leave this time. John is holding back his anger and Paul is too. The teacher is waiting for them at the gate and sees the look of fury on their faces. She gulps and takes a step back.
“Mr. Lennon and Mr. McCartney. Look I am very sorry about what happened yesterday with Julian...”
They cut her off.
“Can we talk in private?” Paul says sternly.
“Um... yes. This way.”
Julian hugs them goodbye and runs off into the schoolyard to wait for the bell to ring. They follow her into the school and go down the first year hall. They go into a small colorful classroom and sit down.
“As Julian may have told you, a child in his class decided to make fun of him for having two dads. Now I am not one to judge. I do think the arrangement you have at home is beneficial and loving and I see no reason why it should be treated any differently from any other family. But this child definitely doesn’t see it that way.”
“Which kid bullied my son?”
She taps on the desk and looks out the window.
“Mr. Lennon. I made the child apologize and he did.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“What do you mean?”
“Look outside.”
Paul and the teacher give him a confused look and look outside. They then see a taller boy pushing Julian down onto the ground. A parent stands nearby and is apparently laughing. Paul begins to fume and runs outside. John and the teacher follow suit and run out into the schoolyard to hear the awful things the bully is saying to Julian. The boy is sitting on him and giggling.
“Your parents are fairies and aren’t going to Heaven!”
“GET OFF OF ME!”
“You are probably queer too. Do you like boys just like your dads?”
“HEY! Get off of my son!”
Paul roughly pulls the kid off of Julian and Julian runs towards John and hugs him, crying hysterically. Paul fixes his suit and faces the parent who is now pale faced.
“Tell your son that he should NEVER bully my son or any other kid on this playground you understand me?”
The man nods and picks his son up. The kid turns to Julian and mumbles sorry to him. John glares at the man and turns his attention towards his son. He notices that Julian has a bruise on his cheek and bends down and kisses it gently. He hears some parents gasp but he doesn’t care.
“There’s nothing else to see here ok?”
They turn away and then the bell rings. Paul and John hug Julian goodbye.
“I’m sorry Jules for yelling.” Paul says somberly.
“It’s ok Dada. They deserved it.”
“We’ll talk to you later ok?”
“Yeah.”
“We love you and we will see you later!”
Julian takes his teacher’s hand and they walk into the school. As they prepare to leave, they see the headmistress in the doorway and she gives them a wave and a approving nod. Later that day, they hear that the child who was bullying Julian was given timeout in the headmistress’s office and the parent was going to be forced to write a letter of apology to the family. Paul is amazed at himself for how he reacted. He never gets that angry. It even shocked John. But no matter what happens, they agreed that when it comes to their kids, there are no rules on how to defend them.
Ch 6 is here! Enjoy everyone and peace and love!
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alinaastarkov · 4 years
Note
You know what’s weird? The misconception that Arya is only good at physical things like fighting. Before everyone else, only she & Jon figured out the Lannisters, seeing their classism for what it was. She rightfully befriends & defends the smallfolk, can figure out complex situations like the trap for her in King’s Lansing with the fame Stark soldiers, and survive war, hunger, and violence. And in Braavos, she is learning so much from languages, reading people, & even mummery and courtesy.
Right? It’s insane because she’s also not that good at fighting. She has barely trained with Needle and though she can kill a guy, it’s mostly wild and untamed with little form and she has not trained in a long time. But she’s super intuitive. Sure, Robb figured out Joffrey was a little shit, but only when they fought, and it took Bran longer to understand the same about the Frey boys. Meanwhile, Jon and Arya are here understanding their classism from the first. And her friendship with the smallfolk is something that Varys lists as a reason why Aegon should be king, so it’s clearly a wise thing.
Sansa knew all about the sorts of people Arya liked to talk to: squires and grooms and serving girls, old men and naked children, rough-spoken freeriders of uncertain birth. Arya would make friends with anybody. This Mycah was the worst; a butcher's boy, thirteen and wild, he slept in the meat wagon and smelled of the slaughtering block. Just the sight of him was enough to make Sansa feel sick, but Arya seemed to prefer his company to hers. - Sansa I, AGOT
We all remember this, yeah? Well, it’s just an extension of this:
Her father used to say that a lord needed to eat with his men, if he hoped to keep them. "Know the men who follow you," she heard him tell Robb once, "and let them know you. Don't ask your men to die for a stranger." At Winterfell, he always had an extra seat set at his own table, and every day a different man would be asked to join him. One night it would be Vayon Poole, and the talk would be coppers and bread stores and servants. The next time it would be Mikken, and her father would listen to him go on about armor and swords and how hot a forge should be and the best way to temper steel. Another day it might be Hullen with his endless horse talk, or Septon Chayle from the library, or Jory, or Ser Rodrik, or even Old Nan with her stories. Arya had loved nothing better than to sit at her father's table and listen to them talk. She had loved listening to the men on the benches too; to freeriders tough as leather, courtly knights and bold young squires, grizzled old men-at-arms. She used to throw snowballs at them and help them steal pies from the kitchen. Their wives gave her scones and she invented names for their babies and played monsters-and-maidens and hide-the-treasure and come-into-my-castle with their children. Fat Tom used to call her "Arya Underfoot," because he said that was where she always was. She'd liked that a lot better than "Arya Horseface." - Arya II, AGOT
This is the exact behaviour that seems to constitute a good lord or king, and good kings are wise, and part of wisdom is taking advice from people who know more than you. Chances are, other nobles with the exact same education and class biases will not know more than Arya or any other highborn, so getting to know these people are really how a lord gets to understand the people he rules and become wiser as a result. If you keep to your own class, you will never learn or truly understand anything. Arya understands this from her father’s lessons, and it clearly shows how wise she is. The fact that other characters talk about how good and wise this behaviour is (not talking about Arya, just generally) just confirms this.
"It seems to me that a queen who trusts no one is as foolish as a queen who trusts everyone. Every man I take into my service is a risk, I understand that, but how am I to win the Seven Kingdoms without such risks? Am I to conquer Westeros with one exile knight and three Dothraki bloodriders?" - Daenerys I, ASOS
Remember this? Same thing. Dany is defending her choice to keep Arstan and Strong Belwas, and if you’ll recall, that was a very good decision in deed. It’s only people like Sansa who view these people as beneath her which is an unwise mentality, and makes her comments about the smallfolk later feel so tone-deaf and ignorant.
And then there’s King’s Landing. For a start, Maegor killed everyone who built the Red Keep so no-one but the Targaryens would ever know the ins and outs, and yet Arya finds a way out by herself. She also sees through the Kingsguard trap with Meryn Trant, finds her way out of the castle, and sees through the thing with the boat which would probably convince most people.
When she saw the guardsmen on the third pier, in grey woolen cloaks trimmed with white satin, her heart almost stopped in her chest. The sight of Winterfell’s colors brought tears to her eyes. Behind them, a sleek three-banked trading galley rocked at her moorings. Arya could not read the name painted on the hull; the words were strange, Myrish, Braavosi, perhaps even High Valyrian. She grabbed a passing longshoreman by the sleeve. “Please,” she said, “what ship is this?” “She’s the Wind Witch, out of Myr,” the man said. “She’s still here,” Arya blurted. The longshoreman gave her a queer look, shrugged, and walked away. Arya ran toward the pier. The Wind Witch was the ship Father had hired to take her home … still waiting! She’d imagined it had sailed ages ago. Two of the guardsmen were dicing together while the third walked rounds, his hand on the pommel of his sword. Ashamed to let them see her crying like a baby, she stopped to rub at her eyes. Her eyes her eyes her eyes, why did …? Look with your eyes, she heard Syrio whisper. Arya looked. She knew all of her father’s men. The three in the grey cloaks were strangers. “You,” the one walking rounds called out. “What do you want here, boy?” The other two looked up from their dice. It was all Arya could do not to bolt and run, but she knew that if she did, they would be after her at once. She made herself walk closer. They were looking for a girl, but he thought she was a boy. She’d be a boy, then. “Want to buy a pigeon?” She showed him the dead bird. “Get out of here,” the guardsman said. Arya did as he told her. She did not have to pretend to be frightened. Behind her, the men went back to their dice. - Arya V, ASOS
It’s clear Cersei came up with this plan and it almost fools her, so if not for Syrio she might have fallen for it and gotten herself captured. Very clever of her. Also, I didn’t want to bring Sansa into this but it’s always her stans parroting this dumb Arya-is-stupid-and-masculine narrative so let’s be real here: I think Arya absolutely would have survived in King’s Landing based on evidence from the books, but Sansa would not if the roles were reversed, purely because of the simple fact that there is no way Sansa would have escaped King’s Landing to begin with. Sansa, who despises the smallfolk and thinks it’s vulgar to spend time with them and doesn’t care Jory died because his replacement is more handsome, would not have known that they were not Stark men. She would have seen the cloaks and the ship and run up to them telling them her name and she would be captured. Not only is knowing the people who serve you a wise way to rule, it also saved Arya’s life here. 
And I can’t believe it still needs to be pointed out that she didn’t survive in the Riverlands because of luck. She didn’t fight her way out of every situation, which would have gotten her killed. She listened, she learned, and she knew how to survive in an environment where even plain silence could mean your death. The way she’s learning in Braavos also speaks for itself. My girl is learning/knows 5 languages!
Arya Stark is really fucking clever guys!
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Cheryl//she means everything to me
Request: Can I request a Cheryl Blossom request where the reader is Archie's twin (a girl) and a super close with her brother and his friends so she doesn't like Cheryl but one day she finds Cheryl crying over Jason and comforts her so Cheryl falls for her and becomes like her best friends has her join the vixens constantly by her side and eventually the reader falls for her and like a super fluffy ending please ps I really love everything you write
hey! i had so much fun writing this, you have no idea! its also super gay!
“Well would you look at that, the sad breakfast club have reunited at lunch.” Cheryl’s cheery voice stops all conversations happening and everyone turns to look at her, her red hair blows softly in slight breeze and her eyes twinkle with whatever chaos she’s going to cause today. 
“What do you want Cheryl?” Betty is the first to speak, dropping her fork on her tray as you all wait for her to start her insults. 
“Well, cousin, I actually wanted to see how you were. But however, if you’re going to be like that.” She clears her throat before narrowing her eyes. “Betty, your ponytail is wonky and that sweater really washes you out, your hobo of a boyfriend really needs a bath because well, I can smell him from here, or maybe thats just the ridiculously childish hat he refuses to take off. Archie, you’re hair is so ridiculously bright today, its actually blinding me, and it looks like you’ve put enough product in to drown all the little lice that lives in it, Veronica that dress was popular last season, and the shoes a decade ago, and Y/n, I actually didn’t realize you were here. Like I kind of forgot that you existed for a few minutes. What’s it like in your brothers shadow?” She finishes her little speech with a bright smile and the five of you sigh before starting to eat again. You can never read Cheryl, one day she can be sweet and lovely and want to help, the next she’s the worst person you’ll ever meet. 
“Probably a lot nicer than being in yours...I can imagine Jason’s shadow is particularly cold.” Veronica retorts and your eyes widen in surprise...that was cold, even for Veronica. Archie smiles proudly at his girlfriend and presses a soft kiss to her head while the rest of the table laugh, including yourself, all 5 of you ignoring Cheryl as she turns on her heel and storms off. 
“Lovely talking to you!” Jughead calls after her causing you all to laugh even louder. 
“Will she ever stop being a bitch?” You wonder aloud and the laughing pauses, giving everyone a chance to look at each other for a few seconds before you start giggling again. 
“I don’t think its possible for Cheryl to be anything other.” Your brother replies through a mouthful of sandwich and you nod in reply. 
-----
“Do you wanna ride Y/n?” Archie shouts across the parking lot as he gestures to the truck behind him. Veronica is already in the passenger seat scrolling through her phone and you so desperately want to go with them, even if they’ll do gross things in Archie’s room until your mom gets back from work, but today apparently is not your day,
“If I’m not back when mom gets home tell her that I haven’t been kidnapped or murdered, I’m just going to be late because Cheryl set her Vixens out for revenge and they’ve stolen my bag so I get to play a fun game of hide-and-seek with all my stuff.” You huff, blowing a piece of hair from your face as your shoulder slump in defeat. The fact that you could be spending up to a few hours extra at this stupid school actually hitting you, and Archie gives you a sympathetic look in response to your frown. 
“Do you need some help?” He offers but you shake your head. You don’t want to drag him into this, plus you can imagine the Vixens are already planning what they’re going to do to him and the rest of your friends, so you may-as-well give him some peace while he can get it. 
“Nah, I’m sure I’ll be fine. I was always the best at finding things when we were younger.” You shrug. “Plus, you don’t want to keep your girlfriend waiting.” You nod towards Veronica who’s hanging her head out the passenger window. 
“I suppose not.” He replies, a soft smile playing on his lips as he looks back at his girlfriend and you can’t help but feel a little sad. You’re glad Archie and Veronica have finally worked everything out and are madly in love, but a small part of you feels left behind. 
Practically all of your friends are in relationships or are dating, leaving you to be the odd one out at literally any get together. However you have very limited options when it comes to dating, there’s not a lot of queer girls in Riverdale, or even the surrounding towns, at least not a lot of them are out and the ones that are you don’t really like that much. *cough* Cheryl *cough*. And no matter how hard your friends try to set you up with someone, they always seems to pick the worst people. No matter how many times you tell them what your type is. 
Three weeks ago Veronica set you up with a girl who came into Pop’s a lot and the only reason she went on a date with you is because she liked Veronica and wanted to know her ‘deal’. Which you can imagine she was very surprised when you told her she was dating your twin brother...yikes. 
Maybe you should join a convent. Or get one of those apps that Kevin uses, but only weirdos...and Kevin are on those types of apps. And do they even have them for gay girls. 
You ponder your options as you walk behind the bleachers, humming a song you heard in the car this morning as you go. You’re also trying to figure out how to get back at Cheryl and her minions when you hear sniffling coming from a little further ahead of you. Stopping in your tracks you look up and towards the noise to see none other than Cheryl Blossom crying by herself. Thankfully she hasn’t seen you yet and and you quickly look around to see how far your escape is. You're about to turn on your heels when the nice side of you decides to show up, unfortunately. 
God, why do I have to have a conscious.  
You take a deep breath and send a prayer to literally anybody listening that she doesn’t bite your head off, before you slowly make your way towards the red-head. 
“Cheryl?” Your voice shakes with uncertainty and as soon as she hears someone say her name her head lifts up and she’s wiping the tears from her eyes, a look of distain taking over the previous sad expression. 
“What do you want Andrews?” She spits and looks you up and down.
You decided to ignore her tone, and try to keep your nice one as you continue your conversation. “Are you okay?” 
“Just fine.” She crosses her arms over her chest and her jaw locks as she looks away from you. 
“Are you sure?” You ask and sit on the floor a few feet away from her. “Because, you don’t seem it.” 
“What’s it to you anyway?” She snaps and you roll your eyes. 
“You’re right. It is none of my business.” You sigh and stand up, dusting your jeans off once your stood. “I hope you feel better soon.” 
“Y/n?” She calls after you and you huff before turning around. “I’m sorry.” Your eyes widen at the words thats just come of of her mouth and you need to sit down.
“What?!” Your jaw drops and she rolls her eyes at you. “Did you actually just apologize to me?” 
“Yes, but I can take it back if you want.” She mutters and you force a smile away as you sit down beside her again, this time a tiny bit closer to her than before but she doesn’t seem to mind, instead your pretty sure she shuffles a little closer to you too. 
“Sorry.” You mumble and a small smile appears on her face. 
“Did you just apologize?” She mocks and you giggle a little. 
“Okay, I deserved that.” You nod. “Do you want to talk about why you’re sat on the floor behind the bleachers after everyone has gone home, crying?” 
“Well, when you put it so delicately, sure.” She replies and you send her a look. “I miss Jason.” 
“Oh.” You say and look at the your hands. You’re not really sure what to say to that. It’s not like you can bring him back, or even take away her pain. As much as you don’t like her, Cheryl’s been through an awful lot. Far more than anybody else and you can’t help but feel slightly sorry for her. 
“Yep.” She take a quick glance at you before deciding to look straight ahead. An idea pops into your head and you sit up a little before looking at her. 
“What do you miss about him?” 
“What?” She furrows her brows as she looks at you and you take a deep breath before explaining. 
“Well, in my experience...it kind of helps to talk about what you miss about them. Because it doesn’t push away the fact that they’re gone, and it also helps me remember the best bits about them. So even though it always stings, overall it makes me feel a little better. If that makes sense?” 
“Yeah.” She nods and you can tell she’s thinking about what you’ve just said. “I get that. That was surprisingly insightful for you.” 
“Thanks.” You laugh and she giggles a little. “So what do you miss about him?” 
“I miss...how he always used to tell me stupid jokes whenever mom or dad had been mean to me or if they’d argued.” She smiles a little at the memory, despite the sad undertones and you can’t help but think how brave Cheryl actually is. “And how when we were younger we used to share a room and he would always tell me bedtime stories. Usually after my mom had come in and told us scary ones. As soon as he’d hear her walk down the stairs he would slip out of his bed and climb into mine and tell me magical stories, usually involving the two of us. We’d be superheroes or we’d live in a caste and we’d be happy.” 
“Thats sweet.” 
“Yeah. He was. He was just the best. He always looked after me, no matter what. None of his friends were aloud to make fun of me no matter how old we were, and when I didn’t have many friends when I was younger he’d make sure I never felt lonely...he was a good person.” 
“He was yeah.” You nod in agreement. “When I was about ten, he was playing football with a bunch of his friends and I was walking past them, trying to get away from them as soon as possible. He ended up throwing the ball and it hit me right in the end making me fall over. And instead of laughing, he ran over to me and he said sorry while helping me up. Then he took me to the nurses office and waited with me until my dad picked me up.” You smile flickers for a moment at the mention of your father and Cheryl seems to pick up on it, placing a gentle hand on your arm making you smile a little. “If that was any other boy, they would have laughed. But no, he helped me and I think that sums up Jason perfectly.” 
“Yeah. It really does.” She looks at you properly, for what is probably the first time ever and she feels her breathing quicken. How was she ever mean to you? Your eyes are sparkling in the sunlight as you talk about the very few memories of Jason, and she has to fight the urge to cry. Nobody apart from her brother has ever been this nice to her, and after Jason’s death, nobody really said anything nice about him, they usually just talked about the theories surrounding his murder. 
A soft smile dances across your lips, the corners of your lips curled upwards and she feels herself mirroring it. Your hair blows a little in the slight breeze and you tuck the stray bits behind your ear, leaving the rest to fall around your face. She giggles when your nose scrunches up at a particularly gross part of a story involving puke and a swimming pool and she frowns when you stop laughing, due to a sad part in a story that also involves your father. She just wants to wrap her arms around you and forget about the entire world and all of the horrible things in it. 
“Did that help?” You ask and she nods, a sweet smile on her lips as she looks at you. 
“Yeah...thanks.” 
“No problem!” You reply, a bright grin on your face and she feels her heart flutter at the sight. She’s never really seen you smile like this, and even if she has caught a glimpse of it, its never directed at her. She feels like she needs to go back in time and right all of those wrongs because she needs to see you smile like that more often. 
“If you don’t mind me asking, why exactly were you skulking around the bleachers in the first place?” 
“Oh. I was looking for my bag.” 
“How’d you lose a whole bag?” She laughs but when she notices you looking at her, your eyebrows raised, she remembers how you could lose a whole bag. “Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.” 
“You can make it up to me by telling me where it is.” You nudge her shoulder and she grimaces. 
“Yeahhh. About that. You’re not going to like where they put it.” 
“Where did they put it?” You narrow your eyes at her. 
“The bin...in the cafeteria.” 
“Damn.” You sigh. “Well, I suppose it needed a wash anyway.” 
“Sorry.” She sighs, looking at the floor. 
“Its fine.” You grab her hand and she looks at you surprised making you pull your hand away (much to her disappointment). “I kind of deserved it. What Veronica said was pretty harsh and I didn’t say anything.” 
“No, no. You didn’t say it, you didn’t say anything actually. I was really mean to you and you just took it. I’m so sorry.” 
“If it makes you feel any better I did call you a bitch after you left.” You shrug and she looks at your surprised. 
“You know.” She stands up and dusts her skirt off, offering you a hand afterwards. “That does kind of make me feel a little better.” 
“I’m glad.” You grin and let her pull you up. 
“I can help you find your bag and then give you a lift home...thats if you want to.” She trails off at the end, she never feels nervous, but suddenly you’re making her more nervous than she’s ever felt before. 
“Sure.” You nod. “You can tell me more stories about Jason if you want.” You ask and its only now that you realize you’re still holding her hand. You mumble a quick sorry and let go before starting to walk away. “You coming?” You look back at her and she swears her heart actually skips a beat as she stares at you, the sun behind you makes you look ethereal, and she’s always believed in angels, but its only now that she’s actually seen one. 
“Yeah.” She nods. “Y/n?” 
“Yeah?” 
“I don’t think anybody could forget that you existed.” 
especially not me...not now
-----
“Did you find your bag honey?” Your mom asks as you walk into the kitchen. 
“Mom. You’re back early.” You smile awkwardly at her and then to Archie, who’s stood on the other end of the kitchen with a worried expression on his face. It doesn’t take you a minute to figure out Veronica is upstairs and he’s trying to sneak her out. 
“Well, yeah.” She nods and takes a sip of coffee. “I was finished my work and I wanted to spend time with my babies.” She pinches your cheek softly making you roll your eyes. Archie is still looking towards the door and you can hear the slight creaks of the floorboards as Veronica tries to sneak down the stairs. 
“I-” Archie is about to practically shout over the noise but your mom puts her hand up in the air, effectively stopping him. 
“Just tell her to come down. She can stay for dinner if she wants.” She shakes her head and sends you a quick smile making you giggle. 
“Right. Yes. Okay.” He nods and quickly makes his way to the stairs. There’s quiet mumbling before Veronica appears by his side in the doorway of the kitchen, both of them with sweet smiles as they look at your mom. 
“Hi, Mrs Andrews.” Veronica waves. “Hey Y/n. Did you find your bag?” 
“Yeah. It was in a bin.” You shrug and they all look at you. 
“Honey, why would someone do that? Do you want me to call the school?” 
“Its fine mom.” You shake your head. “Its just Cheryl and her friends.” 
“Well we should talk to someone. They can’t go around putting people’s belongings in the bin. The law clearly state-” 
“Mom.” You interrupt her as you sit at the table. “Its fine. She was actually very sorry about it.” 
“What!?!” Both Veronica and Archie’s jaws drop while they look at you wide-eyed. 
“Cheryl was sorry?” Veronica asks in disbelief. 
“Yeah.” You shrug. “She helped me look for it.” 
“Yeah. I don’t believe that in the slightest.” She replies. 
“Definitely. She’s got something planned. And its big.” Archie agrees. 
“Or she could just be being nice. That does actually happen you know.” You reply and he laughs sarcastically. 
“Yeah, I don’t think she knows how to be nice. Why are you even defending her? Earlier today you asked if she would ever stop being a bitch.” 
“Archie! Language!” Your mom scolds and the two of your roll your eyes. 
“That was before I had an actual conversation with her instead of insulting her. Which is what you do.” 
“I don’t insult her, Veronica insults her.” He replies.
“Archie!” Veronica slaps him arm lightly and he mumbles a quick apology. 
“Yeah, but you don’t do anything to stop the insults.” 
“Neither do you.” He retorts and you cross your arms. 
“Well, I’m doing it right now s-” 
“Okay!” Your mom shouts instantly shutting everyone up. “Thats enough. We’re going to have a nice family dinner and we’re going to enjoy each others company. Now stop shouting at each other. And say sorry.” 
It takes a few seconds and a lot of glares and huffs but eventually you say sorry to each other and Archie sits on the opposite side of the table of you, followed quickly by Veronica. 
“Do you like Cheryl?” He mouths while your mom is plating up the food and when she isn’t looking you make sure to kick him under the table, earning a death glare from him. 
“God no.” You huff, scrunching your face up which makes him laugh. 
maybe a little
-----
“Here comes the she-devil.” Jughead mumbles quietly and you all look in the direction that he was nodding to. Cheryl is walking towards your table, with a look you’ve never really seen before. Not one thats directed at your friends anyway. She looks happy. A lot different to how you found her yesterday and you’re glad she’s not as sad, a smile really suits her. 
“Oh god.” Veronica mumbles as she takes a sip from her drink. “Hey, did we tell you where she hid Y/n’s bag yesterday?” She asks, lowering her voice as Cheryl gets closer and Betty and Jughead shake their heads, leaning further towards her. “In the cafeteria bin.” 
“Gross.” Betty scrunches her face up. 
“Thats just unhygienic.” Jughead adds.
“You’re telling me.” Veronica replies. “Mrs Andrews had to wash it three times to get the smell of the soup out.” 
“Ewww.” They laugh and you send them a quick glare before looking at Cheryl. 
“Greetings fellow students.” Cheryl stops in front or your table and the laughter stops. You swear you can see a flicker of sadness flash through her eyes and you decide to quickly change the subject. 
“Cheryl!” You smile brightly at her and the sadness you thought you saw disappears completely. Its not everyday that somebody has been this happy to see her and she decides to grab it with both hands. 
All night she was up thinking about you, thinking about how she could have gone so long not noticing you, and how she needs to make sure everybody notices you. Everyone needs to know about you. Y/n Andrews, the girl who could take some of Cheryl Blossom’s sadness away, something that has never been done before. 
“Hi Cheryl.” Betty greets her and she forces a polite smile to look at your friends, making it a little bigger as she looks at your brother. 
“Hi.” She replies. “Can I sit?” She’s now looking back at you, pointing to the seat beside you and you nod, quickly moving down so she can sit beside you. Archie huffs as he’s pushed off the end of the table and he quickly grabs a seat so he can sit back down. 
“Are you feeling any better today?” You voice is quiet, barely above a whisper as you ask her a question and she can’t help but fall a little more for you, because you didn’t shout her business, not like everybody else does. You made sure only she could hear you. 
“Yeah.” She nods. “Much better. I still miss him, but it doesn’t hurt as much.” 
“I’m glad.” You smile. “Anyway.” Your voice is louder and the quiet mumbles from your friends have stopped. “Can we help you with anything?” 
“Yes actually! Y/n, how would you feel about joining the Vixens?” Her smile is warm and kind but the words that have just come from her lips make your bold run cold. Your friends look at each other before looking back at you and you can feel yourself getting hotter and hotter. 
“I don’t know Cheryl.” You start, your voice nervous as you try and find the best way to let her down gently. She’s only started being nice to you but you’d rather stick forks in your eyes than be a cheerleader, not with them anyway. They’re mean and rude and they think they’re better than everyone...but you’re not going to say that to Cheryl, so instead you decide on something a little nicer. “It’s just not really my type of thing. Plus, I don’t think they really like me.” 
“Can you imagine, Y/n as a cheerleader.” Archie chuckles making you and Cheryl roll your eyes. 
“Whats wrong with being a cheerleader?” Cheryl asks and crosses her arms. 
“Yeah, Archie. Or are you forgetting that your girlfriend is a Vixen?” You add and Cheryl sends you a small smile which makes your head feel a little fuzzy. 
“There’s nothing wrong with being a Vixen. But Y/n being a Vixen is just funny.” 
“And why is that dear brother?” You raise an eyebrow and he gulps. He mumbles a quick ‘nothing’, before going back to eating. 
“I really do think you should at least try-out. I think you’ll be great. Plus, if any of the girls say anything, which they won’t, they’ll have me to answer to.” She explains and you think about it for a minute. Would it be really bad to be part of the school’s cheerleading squad. The reasonable part of your brain is saying, more like screaming, yes its the worst idea in the world. But the slightly less reasonable and the slightly more gay part is screaming hell yeah. Surrounded by wonderful, smart if not slightly intimidating girls...plus, Cheryl!
“Fine.” You give in. “I’ll try out.” 
“Yay!” She claps her hands excitedly before standing up and brushing her hair over her shoulder. The small gesture has you mesmerized and you have to force yourself to remember where you are in order to regain all your thoughts, the number one being, ‘what the hell was that about?’ “I’ll see you after school! Goodbye Y/n.” She waves at you before starting to walk away and its only when Betty clears her throat that she turns around again to wave everybody else off. 
Your brother decides to wait until she’s out of earshot until he starts talking again, and the first thing he says is something that doesn’t really surprise you. 
“Y/n and Cheryl, kissing in a tree.” He teases, making a kissy face and you throw a handful of food at him. The rest of your friends let out the laughter they’ve been holding in and you roll your eyes so hard you swear they’re going to fall out. 
“How old are you?” You huff. 
“Old enough to see that Cheryl fancies you.”  
“Shut up!” 
-----
Cheryl didn’t just fancy you. 
She liked you. 
Actually she was head over heels, doodling your initials in a heart, mind goes fuzzy anytime she sees you, in love with you. 
And you? Well, you were none the wiser. 
You just thought she was being friendly. Maybe more than the average person but Cheryl hasn’t had many close friends so maybe this is the only way she knows how to keep them. 
She’s holding your hand? She just wants to make sure you know you’re not alone. Her hugs are a bit longer than normal? Come on, the girl deserves a long hug. She always finds a way to include you in conversation? She’s just being sweet. 
Yes, Cheryl Blossom was becoming a slightly more bearable person, and it only seemed to happen when you were around. Leaving everyone to have their own conspiracies. 
Archie’s was of course that she was in love with you. “Yeah right. Like that would happen Archie.” 
Veronica’s was that it was one long prank to get back at everyone who’d hurt her. “Veronica, thats just sociopathic.” 
Betty’s was slightly less weird, that she probably just wants to make a friend and so she’s being overly nice to fool people into thinking she hasn’t got a heart made of ice. “Thats just mean.” 
And Jughead’s was that she’d either been possessed by a poltergeist. “Aren’t they supposed to be mean?” Or, that she’d been taken over by aliens. “I think they’d have better things to do than make Cheryl nice.” 
Plus there was all of the other ridiculous rumors flying around school, but she either seemed to not hear or just ignore them. 
“Y/n. Are you even listening to me?” You’re pulled back down to earth by Cheryl waving her hands in front of your face. 
“What? Yeah. Huh?” You ask and she huffs, crossing her arms over her chest. 
“I was talking you through the routine for Friday. You know the whole reason why we’re in the gym after school.” 
“Yes. Yes. I remember.” You stand and she shakes her head, despite the smile thats threatening to ruin her facade. 
“Okay.” She stands beside you. “Are you watching?” She asks and glances at you, a smile making its way onto her face as she watches you go over the steps in your head. Your frowning slightly at you try to remember the steps and she can’t help but giggle a little as your arms start to move to. 
“What?” You ask. 
“Nothing.” She shakes her head. “Ready?” 
“Ye-” 
“Good.” She nods. The music starts and she begins to go through the steps, you following a step behind her. However half way through you get distracted by the way she’s moving and then it hits you. 
I’m in love with with Cheryl Blossom. 
“Shit.” You mumble and she turns around quickly. 
“Everything okay?” 
“Yeah, I erm. I just got a bit distracted. Sorry.” 
“Its fine.” She smiles brightly. “Lets go again, I’ll help you this time.” 
“You’re already helping me.” You reply and she rolls her eyes. 
“I’ll help you even more.” She hits your arm lightly and your heart goes hay-wire at the small interaction. “Stand there.” You do as she says and the next thing you know she’s stood behind you were her hands on your hips. 
“Wha-at, are you doing?” You stutter, your breathing getting quicker with each second. Her perfume is suffocating you, but in the best way and her breath is hot on your neck as she leans over you a little. 
“He-helping.” She replies, also stuttering a bit and your swear you hear her breath hitch when you move your head to look at her. Your lips are millimeters away from hers, and if you leaned in just a little more you’d be kissing her, something you really want to do right now. You wonder what her lips would feel like against yours, how soft they’d be and if her lipstick would stain you, forever leaving a mark on you. “Y/n?” 
“Yeah?” Your eyes flicker up to meet hers and it feels like she’s staring directly into your soul. 
“Can I kiss you?” 
“Absolutely.” You reply and within seconds her lips are on yours, her hands gripping your waist tightly to turn you around. What you thought kissing Cheryl would be like, and actually kissing Cheryl, are completely different. Her lips are softer than you could ever imagine. Her lipstick tastes like cherries with a hint of maple syrup and you don’t think pancakes are ever going to taste the same again. 
You both pull away, a bright blush on both of your faces and she giggles a little as she wipes the lipstick from the side of your face. But it doesn’t matter, she left a mark on you that day behind the bleachers, and you don’t think you’re ever going to be the same again...not that you’d really want to be. 
332 notes · View notes
polyamquackity · 4 years
Text
An anon requested Logince + Oh No! by Marina and it turned out significantly longer than expected. 
Title: Oh No!
Warnings: Potentially panic attacks, implied bullying
Word Count: 1627
Read on AO3
It was common knowledge that Roman Williams was meant for better things. He had a genuine talent, his acting abilities bringing an abundance of new patrons to the school’s shows. He, in his own right, was relatively famous. Both locally and online. It was a surprise that he hadn’t left on some sort of show offer, he certainly had them. Rumors circled, but no one ever confirmed the reason. And of course, with fame and gossip, comes a torrent of people wanting a piece of the fun. If you asked, the students of Jonesville High would tell you that Roman had friends crawling out of the woodwork. His clique was that of the infamous popular kids, the preps. It wasn’t often that a queer theater kid was truly a school’s primadonna, but he managed it just fine.  
    Logan Arthur on the other hand, was significantly less well known. Most kids wouldn’t even know his name if you asked. This was by no accident, Logan didn’t want to be known. The only thing he wanted was to keep his head down and get the hell out of this city. To go to college and make something out of himself. The kids who did know his name, would be able to tell you that he was incredibly smart. 4.1 GPA smart. Had the knowledge to correct the teacher smart. He worked hard and had a seemingly never differing routine. This was a kid with no friends, a loner in the truest sense of the word.
    Rumors followed Logan throughout high school as well, although these were significantly more malicious than those about Roman. One of the more memorable being that Logan was an emotionless robot. It could be argued that these were more insults than rumors. After taking day after day of comments such as this, without so much as blinking, even the most experienced performer would need a break. A moment to be himself and to let everything out. So one day, instead of heading to his usual lunch spot in the library- Logan headed swiftly towards the empty auditorium. 
    If you were quiet and paid attention, you would notice that the performing art kids talked about how easy it was to get into the catwalk when it was left unattended. And you would know that it was the perfect place for a breakdown. Conveniently, Logan was aware of both of these things. People tended to talk in front of him as though he wasn’t there. 
He shimmied through the broken gate-like door, with relative ease. It was very broken. As he maneuvered up the steep, winding stairs, his tears began to fall. It was a slow thing, one tear slipping out at time. Finally escaping the dam that had been built long ago. Logan supposed that this was about far more than a few mean comments. Logically this was probably years in the coming, it wasn’t healthy to push everyone away as he had. 
What none of the students' gossip could have prepared him for, was that upon breaching the entrance to the catwalk, Logan would find one Roman Williams. One Roman Williams who was equally as, if not more intensely upset than Logan.  
There was an odd beat where they just started at one another. If Logan had not already been in tears, perhaps Roman would have said something needlessly cruel. And if the opposite were true, Logan may have simply left. But, as it was, they were both distraught. 
“Do you want to come sit with me?” Roman offered, awkwardly gesturing the area beside him.
“I’ll just find somewhere else,” Logan mumbled, already beginning to back down the stairs. 
“Nonsense, you’re already here, aren’t you? And it’s not like there’s anywhere else to cry without being caught. Well, more caught than we already have been.” 
Logan squinted into the dark, assessing the actors' offer. He sighed, making his way back up the few stairs he had descended, “If you’re certain.” He took a seat next to Roman and a silence rose between them. Sitting in the dark, crying silently next to a stranger is a weird scenario for anyone to be in. But, it was especially odd for these two. 
It was surprising to say the least, when this quiet was broken by Roman giggling, “What the hell are we doing?” 
Logan raised a brow at him, “I thought it was obvious? We’re crying.” 
More laughter bubbled out of Roman, “I know that! I just. We could at least be trying to help each other and instead we’ve elected to wallow in our miseries privately.” Roman wiped at his tear stained face, “Do you want to talk about it?” 
“You don’t even know my name, why would I tell you about my feelings?” 
Roman turned to get a better look at him, “Huh. I actually don’t think I’ve seen you around set before. Were you part of the crew freshman year or something?” 
“No, I’ve never been involved with the theatre club.” 
“Then how do you know about this place?” 
Logan looked away and reached to fidget with his watch, “Hearsay.” 
“So you were eavesdropping?” Roman accused, leveling the other with a look. 
“Is it eavesdropping if people talk directly next to you, as if you aren’t even there? I’m certain that they noticed me, it’s not as if I was hiding.” Logan asked sheepishly. 
“Hm. I guess that isn’t.” He reached out his hand, “I’m Roman then, if we have to exchange names before feelings.” 
The other hesitantly gripped his hand in response, “Logan.”  Another beat passed, “So, which of us should go first?” 
Roman shrugged, “I asked you first.” 
Logan ran a hand through his hair, “I suppose that I’m feeling rather upset at the moment. People tend to make assumptions and opinions about people who differ from them and I differ pretty heavily from our peers. Their incessant mocking seems to have gotten the best of me.” 
Roman nodded, “People are assholes. I’m sure whatever they’re saying about you isn’t true.” 
“You don’t even know me.” 
“Yeah, but I know our school. And I haven’t met a kind person in a long time. I’m not sure if anybody is really anything more than a fake anymore.” 
It was Logan's turn to nod. Both parties had ceased crying since they began talking to one another. Logan wasn’t much for talking about his emotions, so he decided to urge the conversation forward, “Do you want to talk about your feelings now?” 
Roman took a breath, “Sometimes! Sometimes having to be perfect is too much! I have to act a specific way or else- Or else I lose my reputation. And that’s everything in show business. I need to be the best, to never falter or. Or I’ve failed. And I can’t fail, I have too much on the line to fail.” Roman looked close to crying again. 
Logan carefully put his hand on the other's shoulder, “I’ve dealt with a similar issue, although at a much different level. I’ve pushed people away because of it, but from what I know you’ve done the opposite. Would you like my advice?” 
This was met with a shaky nod. 
“You are human Roman. Despite your reputation, you are going to fail sometimes. That is an entirely human thing to do. And people who truly care about you will be understanding of this. If there are people in your life that are making you feel otherwise, they probably aren’t good for you.” 
“That makes sense.” Roman admitted. For the third time that day, a silence occurred between them. Although, this was the most comfortable out of all of them. The five minute warning bell rang in the distance and Logan shifted to stand up and head to class. 
“Wait, before you go, can I have your number or something?” 
Logan stared at Roman, mouth agape, “Are? Are you being serious?” 
Roman rolled his eyes, “Dude, yeah. This might have been really weird. But, it was also the most genuine conversation I’ve had in awhile.” 
“Yeah, okay then. My numb-” 
“Just give me your phone and I’ll give you mine.” 
Logan handed his phone over, standing awkwardly as Roman put his number in. 
“There you go! Make sure to send me a text soon Logan!” Roman said far too brightly for someone who had just been on the verge of tears. He handed Logan his phone back before practically running down the stairs. 
It wasn’t until the end of the school day that Logan took the time to text Roman. What the loner saw in his contacts made him freeze up for a moment, Roman had put a heart emoticon next to his name. That probably meant nothing he reasoned with himself, it’s not like they even talked for that long. 
Logan: Hey this is Logan from earlier. You told me to text soon, so here’s a text. 
Roman<3: Hey!! I’m glad you texted! 
Roman<3: I wanted to tell you that you really helped me out earlier and I’m feeling a lot better. Although, I wish I could have helped you out more. It doesn’t even seem like you got to talk that much
Roman<3: Also, I wanted to know if you maybe wanted to get coffee sometime? 
    In the future, it would be common knowledge that Roman and Logan were made for each other. No one knew high school sweethearts who had a bond as strong as theirs. Forged in fire some would say. The two found success and comfort in one another. A sense of home that neither had ever felt before. 
    But, that was the future. For now, what they have is this first coffee date. A gentle start to something wonderful. 
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hamiltalian-creates · 4 years
Text
Wine Mom Dadceit, Pt 1
Summary: Just the adventures of divorced wine mom Deceit trying to figure out how to deal with his feral son and emo teenager, especially when they decide to team up.
Pairings: Past Deceit x Patton, Queerplatonic Patton x Logan
Words: 2,043
Warnings: Slight spoilers for the new episode
Ah, the weekends of a divorced dad. Janus would never say that they were his favorite time of the week, but he would say that they were his most peaceful. No work, no kids, just him and his self care regimen. There was nothing quite like taking a hot, lavender scented bubble bath with a mimosa or five, though on this particular week, he did have to alter that plan the tiniest bit. Remus, his younger child, seemed to be getting more chaotic by the day and Virgil, his thirteen year old with a twelve year head start on his emo phase, was not helping. In the past, Virgil would help Janus keep his brother in check or would at least keep himself busy while Janus rounded him up, but more recently, Virgil was getting involved in Remus’s schemes, at least at home. In public, he still just preferred to keep to himself and let Remus draw all of the attention to himself.
So, instead of the usual champagne in his drink, Janus decided to go with vodka and did so with a heavier hand than usual. Originally, his plan was to go through the line of drinks that he’d made and see how long it would take before he passed out in the bathtub, but sometimes parenthood meant that he couldn’t enjoy even the simplest of pleasures.
Janus had just taken the first sip of his first drink when his phone began ringing all the way from where it was beside the sink.
“Someone had better be dying!” he said as he got out of the hot water. Every weekend, he set his phone to only ring for a call from Virgil, his ex husband, Patton, or his ex husband’s much more responsible queer platonic partner, Logan, but he also made it very clear that he was not to be bothered unless it was an issue of utmost importance.
On this weekend, it was Patton who either had to give Janus a good enough reason to be calling or risk his head. Janus rolled his eyes and answered the phone, the same reaction he would’ve had if it was anybody else.
“Hello?” he said, trying not to sound too annoyed.
“Hey, Janus, I know you asked for us not to bother you, but we can’t find Roman anywhere and I know that Remus and Virgil did it.”
Ah, yes, that was another issue that they had. Logan, had Roman, a kid about Remus’s age, from a previous relationship and, to put it simply, he didn’t get along with Remus or Virgil. Things never got as out of hand as they did between Remus and Virgil alone, but it did still worry Patton.
“Well, how do you know they did it?” Janus asked, partially because he really didn’t want to have to go anywhere and partially out of defense. To be clear, he wasn't defensive against Patton, he was sure there was a good basis for the accusation, but the stupid PTA moms made it instinctual.
“Because I asked where he was and Remus said ‘don’t worry, I’m sure he’s being fed and hydrated’ then Virgil gave him a look. They’re refusing to talk.”
“... Did you check the attic?”
“Janus!”
“Alright! You’re right, fine, I’ll be there in a bit,” Janus decided, putting his phone on speaker mode as he began moisturizing. “I hope you appreciate the fact that I’m saving my vodka for later over this.”
Patton paused for a second. “Were you drinking? I can go pick you up, if you want.”
Janus laughed and began getting dressed. “And leave Logan to deal with Remus and Virgil? No way, I like him too much for that. Don’t worry, I only got to take a sip before you called.”
“Alright... Thanks again.”
“No problem. You know I can barely handle them and I’m the one taking care of them most of the time.”
“I’ll see you when you get here.”
Janus heard his phone beep as Patton hung up and groaned. Why couldn’t they terrorize a kid that he didn’t care about?
As soon as he was ready, Janus drove over to Patton’s house, noticing that it was almost too quiet as he walked up to the front door. Were they sure that his kids were inside? He knocked on the front door and waited to find out.
Logan answered the door, visibly relieved as he saw Janus there. “Thank goodness.. Sorry to interrupt your self care day, but we seriously cannot find Roman anywhere.”
“I get it, it’s fine. I told Remus that Roman was off limits for his little torture sessions, but we both know he doesn’t like to listen.”
“The fact that you didn’t put any kind of air quotations around ‘torture sessions’ is really not going to sit right with me.”
Janus shrugged and walked in. “Just tell me where they are and we’ll be out of your hair.”
Logan closed the door behind him and lead him to where Patton was holding the two kids. “Oh, you don’t have to take them for the whole weekend, we can still watch them once this is done and over with.”
Janus almost laughed at that. “No, after I had to stop my self care weekend for this and Remus did what I explicitly told him not to, I’m taking them with me. No offense to either of you, but Patton’s method of just grounding them won’t work.”
Logan was too afraid to ask what would work on a kid like Remus. He was a good kid, he was just absolutely feral. “Well, they’re just waiting up in Remus’s room..” He showed him the rest of the way up and announced their arrival. “Patton, Janus is here.”
“No!” Remus cried out, running straight towards Janus to headbutt him, his father putting his hands in the way and catching him by his head.
“Remus, listen to me, where did you put Roman?”
“I just want to point out that this was completely Remus’s idea,” Virgil said.
“Ah, yes, because an eight year old is capable of pulling this kind of heist off,” Janus remarked, picking Remus up and carrying him under his arm. People liked to remark that Remus was a little too old to be carried like that, but then Janus gave him permission to give that person hell for a few minutes and they were silenced.
“He called Virgil a raccoon! Only I can call him a raccoon!”
Logan cringed at that. “I told him to stop with the name calling..”
Janus waved it off. “Remus, Roman is like your step brother now. We talked about this, when you get mad at him, you do not hide him.”
Remus pouted and wiggled to get down, landing on his feet as Janus released him. “Fine, but if he keeps making fun of Virgil, I’ll hide his favorite prince costume.”
“If he keeps making fun of Virgil, I’ll allow it, but can you please tell us where he is?” Logan asked.
Remus nodded and walked over to Roman’s room, leading the adults to his closet.
“We already checked in here,” Logan muttered.
“Well, he’s in there,” Remus said.
“Again with the talking back?” Janus scolded. “Please just show us where he is.”
Remus opened the closet door and moved all of the clothes out of the way, showing them a Roman that had been duct taped to the wall.
“Oh my goodness!” Logan cried out, running to get something to help free his son.
“Where did you even get this much duct tape?!” Patton asked.
Janus rolled his eyes. “You’re in so much trouble... Patton, do you guys have any alcohol?”
“I don’t know if this is really the time for a drink..”
“Rubbing alcohol, Patton, for the tape on his face.”
“Oh! Right, sorry..” Patton laughed awkwardly and ran off to get that.
Janus smiled and turned back to Roman. “Sorry about Remus... He gets protective of Virgil sometimes.”
Roman just shrugged, apparently unbothered by the situation.
“I’m guessing the fear wore off a while ago. This is the part where I would usually tell you that I’ll do something next time you mess with my son, but I feel like he doesn’t need the extra protection.”
Roman shook his head.
Logan ran back into the room with a pair of scissors and a box cutter. “Alright, Roman, hold still..”
“Yeah, or else he’s going to cut off your fingers!” Remus said, laughing.
“I think we’ve heard enough out of you,” Janus scolded. “I’m going to need you to wait with Virgil while I figure out what to do with you when we get home.”
Remus pouted. “But I want to stay with papa this weekend!”
Janus shrugged and carried him over to Virgil’s room. “Then consider this part of your punishment.”
Remus groaned as Janus put him down on his brother’s bed. “Pack your shit, we’re going home early!”
“Remus! We’ve talked about the cursing! Save it for when we get home!”
“You never let me do anything!”
Virgil rolled his eyes and grabbed Remus’s arm. “I’ve got him, don’t worry.”
“Oh, yeah, don’t let me forget that you did have a part in this too.”
Virgil groaned as he realized he wasn’t getting out of this and grabbed his weekend bag, getting ready to leave with Remus.
Janus nodded and walked back to Roman’s room, watching as his two dads freed him.
The second Roman dropped to the ground, he marched right on over to Janus.
“You can tell Remus that I’m ready for a rematch at any time!”
Janus chuckled. “Oh, really? Let me get him right-”
“No! Take him away! Take him away! Take him away!”
Were it any other child, Janus would’ve taken offense and followed through on his threat of bringing Remus out. But, considering the fact that Roman was known to be dramatic and they just peeled him off the wall, he decided against it this time.
“I guess the three of us should get going, then. I’ll talk to you later, Patton. Logan, help your son stay off of walls.”
Roman stuck his tongue out at him.
Janus just laughed and left, dragging his sons to the car. “You two are in so much trouble,” he said as they got into the car.
“What are you going to do?” Remus asked. “Stick us in a dark closet? Wax our hair with duct tape? Hang us on a wall by a chain?”
“Stop listing weird things!” Virgil said, holding his head. “He’s not going to do that to us! ... Right?”
“No!” Janus insisted. “No, I’d never do that. I’m taking you to the park. Virgil, we all know how you feel about sunlight and Remus, if I see you anywhere you’re not supposed to be or if you bother another innocent child, I will bring out the leash and you’ll be on a boring walk with me and Virgil.”
“No!”
“You should've thought of that before you taped Roman to a wall!” How Remus usually ended up on the sun covers above the playgrounds or sitting on top of the swing sets, they'd never know, but it seemed to be at least half the fun of going to the park for him. At least this way, Remus would still be getting all of that energy out for a little bit.
“Do I have to go?” Virgil asked. “It’s so bright and it’s so hot out...”
“You do. You can walk with me under a parasol.”
Virgil rolled his eyes, hiding a small laugh. “You’re so gay..”
Janus swatted at him jokingly. “Uh, excuse you, I am bisexual. You, however, are gay. If you’re going to use labels as an insult, please use the correct ones.”
Virgil snickered. “I still don’t want to go out in the sun.”
“You should’ve thought of that before you helped your brother duct tape Roman to wall. It’s a two man job, minimum.”
Virgil tutted and stayed on his phone for the rest of the ride home.
Janus smiled and sighed, wondering if his five champagne flutes worth of screwdrivers would fit in his water bottle. For some reason, he had a feeling he’d need it.
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Pan? Polysexual sounds better now
Back to guys, gay girls, nonbinaries, pan, bi, gender-fluid, and queer people.
I might have to take a recap on matches who are trans for right now,
I still have a lot to learn about what my true identity is for right now.
Because I really can't stick to just one label...
Aye, that's just me. And dating apps are starting to feel like a job, there's too many people matching with me and trying to remember names is getting a lot to handle when you're on 3 different apps and about 20 conversations going at the same time. And still 99 people waiting on you to swipe right on them, on each one. And plus I'm not as picky about looks as I was before, so I'm mostly reading just bios, analyzing photos to see what could be their interests in, and making sure I'm not being too passive on red flags when people talk to you.
I will admit, I still swipe right on them if they're trans and I'm attracted to them. I just know me, I'd rather date someone who was fully transitioned or somebody who is still on the nonbinary, before part. Only because I know me.
I had to watch someone I had already grown into getting to know and getting attached to, and then when I finally got comfortable with them for over a yr, they changed that drastically during those 3months we were separate and I had no idea about it.....I'm not sure if I could watch it happen before my eyes. Cause then I would have to miss the way they were before, because of my attraction to their naturally mixed feminine/masculine looking features and actions. So, ideally I wouldn't have changed anything about them.
I don't wanna grow attached to a voice or a face or a body that will no longer be there tomorrow. I know that person before is still in there, but it's different when you're romantically attracted to them, been intimate with them vs when you're just a friend. My experience shocked and scared my paranoia and fear of change. I remember crying when my dad started growing white and grey hairs in his beard. Cause I never want my dad to change, cause I've grown up with him being this strong man that always was there for me, held me, made me feel safe, calmed me down when I had my moments, and tucked me in when I wanted to feel comfortable. He showed me that he always loved me, always cared about me, and that he was never gonna leave me. As if he's never gonna die during my time on this earth. Seeing his greyishly, white hairs, I thought death and that my daddy will soon no longer be the fun, happy, strong dad that I've always been with as his princess. And that's kind of what vibe this particular person was to me, even though they weren't as smart, strong, or always there for me....cause most of the time my nights alone cause they couldn't or didn't know I needed them to be there fo r me like that to feel loved or just to feel wanted. Cause I couldn't speak up.
But now, that they has turned into a he. I feel like its brutally denying me to chance to not only say goodbye to them as they, but I would have to get reacquainted to HE, with a totally different name, maybe different personality, maybe different sexuality, and I won't know if I like the new evolved version of this person. The fear of the unknown is high for me. Especially when there's a 40% rate of fems that decided to change their sexual orientation after taking testosterone. I 'm possessive about my partners and I would hate to know that after seeing this person physically change and go through so much emotional/mental changes that one day they decide "Hey, I think I like men now, I wanna give this a shot. Could we make this work?"
I would tell Him, to go right ahead and go on a date with that coworker or guy on Tinder/Grinder. But I'm not gonna be here when you come home. Because to me that's some bullshit. And I've known this person well enough to know, that they don't mind using other people to meet their sexual needs that I can't possibly give them due to my actual gender and my body as such. I wouldn't want to share my partner, nor watch them get fucked by another man...because I'm not a man, im a woman...theres a huuuuuugggeeee difference.
And if it ever came to that point 3 yrs later and He became someone I didn't know anymore, because of the hormones changing how they feel as a man, dysphoria gone....I get it, you've hated yourself for years and now you're happy in the dream body you always asked for. But, I would be scared to lose you, to whoever else you decide to open up to in your selections. Cause you're that type to leave to please you and not make it work. I don't want somebody who changes their mind all the time about who they wanna be, who else do they wanna smash, and who else they can flirt with. That's cheater mentality.
And I'm sorry trans community that I'm basing my recent experience with someone as the example for the rest of you. Because I know there are some ftm's who've already changed and stayed with their partners. I just don't know if I could trust this process, knowing the effects, the research on whether or not they become completely detached to women or become bisexual... I can't.
And I'm thankful for the ftm's that have been posting youtube videos and tiktoks for viewers like me who are curious about the possible cons, and physical or emotional changes they've overcome. I was shocked the first time I ever watched a bandaged ftm, who finally unrevealed their scars from top surgery. I've always been preparing myself for this. Because I knew one day, that this cute, fluffy, soft skinned, white latino looking, but really just mixed mocha, nonbinary person was gonna be...changed over a year or so. I thought I could prepare for it, so that when it does happen it doesn't hurt as much to watch to them in pain if the bleeding from the scars are irritating them or if one day they're super cranky and obnoxious for what seems to be no reason. Or if one day they end up feeling they dont need anybody like Zanthos, with the 4 avenger rings lol.
But I'm too damn fucking sensitive. I was born this way. I've always prepared myself with the worst and the best information, that way when it does happen, the tidal wave of emotions from the reaction, doesn't end up torching my soul or blowing me out the water. Cause I am gay. I adore women, men, and when I met this person I loved them as an in-betweener as nonbinary. They are so brutally harsh, twisted, manipulative, jealous, and possesive. But I've always liked that they had these emotions inside of them that they hold back because they don't wanna seem so soft, always hiding this feminine quality about them because ideally, they're pretty looking, gorgeous eyes that can turn black cold like obsidian, and those fucking cheeks and cat nose. I've only seen the slight hips, but I didn't mind it. And they've always hid their body away even when we would try to have sex. I knew the dysphoria was there, cause again I prepared myself to be patient and kind.
So, I'm glad they're turning a new leaf to make themselves feel more confident about being recognized in society as a full, grown ass man. I'm pretty sure HE, is gonna get cocky af, cause that's just the way he was when they were they.
I know it's selfish of me to say, but I'm afraid of what will happen down the line years later. But that's just me being afraid. If He ends up not liking me anymore, I know it won't be the end of the world and I walked away at the right time when I did. Because this person is currently separated from me, and I'm still insecure about that part too. Not knowing how they are during this transition for what may become years or not...I hope HE is doing okay and not piercing everyone with their new, world domination, ego.
I just don't wanna imagine them get fucked by a guy....sorry that's just me. And will their buttery ass kisses, still be as sweet anymore?
Will I be ok with HE having chest hair?
Will I love the sound of their new voice or will I just hate it, while still missing the old, brodie, sexy, slightly feminine voice?
Especially when they used to go all soft and cuddly on me over the phone, it was soooo cuteeee. I miss our phone and text conversations.
Will they grow into another relationship with somebody else because they started to become unattached and unattracted to my body, my tits, my hips, my vagina even....just because they completely changed their identity?
And I still a woman? I've only thought about wearing a binder a couple of times, and yes, I do watch ftm and trans porn because I did like the fantasy of being intimate with someone who had a bigger clit size or just having a big clit of my own that felt like a dick.
I'm willing to admit that. Because let's be honest, boys get away with so much more shit as a male, compared to us females.
I wish I could grow a dick overnight and nobody not know I'm still a chick! Lol, but I still don't like the all over hair body growth and I still want my vagina back. Like a rental suit with an actual dick and no tits. Those are the onllyyyyyyyyy things I've thought about, but would never admit out loud. Only because I still like my body and my gender identity as is. I feel like the blue girl from X-Men could get away with it, cause she can be anybody she wants to and go back to being herself at the end of the day. And still camouflage behind walls. Lucky chick. Especially if she could teleport, oh he'll yeah.
It's gonna take me awhile to get over this, so please be patient with me. As I'm trying not to cry as I watch my ftm porn get fucked by a guy. Cause I used to be heavy into it, now I feel wrong for watching it and then I'm reminded "40% chance, you're watching it" 😞🤮😫
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gleekto · 4 years
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Summary: College AU/Famous!Blaine and Fanboy!Kurt - Kurt POV
Kurt really doesn’t have time to figure out the dating world between being a freshman at prestigious theatre school, LAADA,  and his active but secret blogging life in the Sing!Fandom. So what if Sing! ended last year? There are still fics to read and actors to follow. Especially the uber talented heartthrob lead, Blaine Anderson. He can act. He can sing. He can even dance. He’s gay. He’s out. And he’s only 24. Kurt is willing to twiddle his thumbs and click refresh until Blaine Anderson’s next project.
He just didn’t expect the next project to be on his roommate Rachel’s new TV show.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6
Even Better than the Real Thing (7/13)
There’s a knock at Rachel and Kurt’s door on the Thursday evening following the viewing party. Rachel is home sick with a bad head cold, trying every home remedy on the internet to nurse herself back to health so she can get back on set.  “Can you get that, Kurt? I’m not expecting anybody and I’m steaming my nostrils.” Glorious image.
Kurt’s not expecting anybody either but he is certainly glad Rachel’s nostrils are occupied when he glances through the peephole to see a smiling Blaine Anderson, with what looks like chicken soup and some papers in hand. “Hello,” Kurt says brightly. “To what do we owe this surprise?”
“To Rachel’s cold,” Blaine steps inside. “And of course, it’s nice to see you.”
“Of course.”
“I have some chicken soup for Rachel, and the new script for next week. Top secret.” Blaine holds it up out of Kurt’s reach.
“Oh darn. I can hardly wait to find out if Colin Red will dump his girlfriend for the one and only Rachel Cherry,” Kurt says flatly. “Guess I’ll have to sneak into her room while she’s sleeping.”
“Are you mocking my show?”
“Never. And I’m sure she’d be happy for the visit and chicken soup, but she’s currently steaming her nostrils,” Kurt knows how ridiculous it sounds. “Sexy, I know.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell Colin Red on her.” Blaine puts the soup and script down on the counter. “So I can leave these here with you?”
“Yeah. Rachel’s a bit of a diva when she’s sick, so probably best not to disturb-”
“The nostrils have gotta steam.” They’re both biting their tongues lest they disturb an irritable Rachel with laughter. “Speaking of divas, by the way, a good friend of mine is starring in a community production of Wicked and she gave me two tickets. Wondering if you’d like to go with me Saturday night?” Kurt’s eyebrows rise and his mouth opens slightly. He can’t have heard that right. “I know you love Wicked and it’s not Broadway but she’s really good and-”
“What?” Kurt asks genuinely because he can’t have heard that right. Two tickets. Saturday night.
“Would you like to go see Wicked with me on Saturday night?” Blaine repeats, smiling and clearly slightly amused. He’s so casual that he might as well have asked if Kurt wanted him to pick up some eggs at the corner store while he was there. Sure. Eggs. Terrific.
“Sure.” Oh there is his voice. “That’d be great.” Kurt smiles, not too widely, he hopes.
“Cool,” Blaine nods and smiles. “I’ll pick you up at 7. It’s a date.”
...
It’s not a date.
By the time Saturday night rolls around, and Kurt has dissected his conversation with Blaine over the phone with Mercedes several times, he has come to the conclusion that no matter what this is, it is not a date. Blaine was too relaxed, he’s older and Kurt’s too young, Blaine obviously just asked because he knows Kurt loves Wicked. Mercedes, however, has come to the opposite conclusion - it’s obviously a date. They’re only five years apart and they’re both adults with a lot in common, and they’ve been flirting for weeks. And most of all, Rachel loves Wicked too, and he didn’t ask her. 
Mercedes, unfortunately, is wrong. 
Regardless of his evening out totally not being a date, Kurt is going to look hot. As if it was a date. And maybe just in case. He chooses red and turquoise army patterned tight pants with a skintight black tank top and a loose turquoise button down on top. He’s been working out and this outfit knows it.
“Wow, Kurt. You look,” Blaine pauses, deliberately looking Kurt up and down.
“Highly coordinated?” Kurt tries.
“Amazing,” Blaine says simply. Kurt is trying to figure out what to do in this moment, Blaine standing at his apartment door, picking him up for the play, unafraid of compliments. Or flirting. Which is, of course, how Kurt knows it’s not a date. Anyone on a first date would be more nervous. Like him. Even though he is not on a date.
“Thank you,” Is what Kurt comes up with. “You don’t look so bad yourself. The tie is a nice touch.”
“Shall we?” They’re off to see the Wizard. And it turns out to be really a very good production- better than Kurt expected for community theatre. They go backstage after the show to meet up with Blaine’s old friend, Tina, who played Elphaba and Kurt was genuinely profuse in his praise.
“Tina, this is Kurt,” Tina smiles at him and looks at Blaine, slightly amused. “He actually just started at LAADA this year.”
“Oh hey -I went to LAADA.” Well, that’s cool. “It’s a great school. Could be you on this stage in a few years from now. Just stay on Ms July’s good side.”
“So I’ve heard.”
“And how did you two meet?” Tina is too suggestive. 
“Kurt is roommates with my new co-star, Rachel Berry,” Tina nods, knowingly. “Well, have fun tonight, you two.” God, so embarrassing. Blaine will have to tell her later that it wasn’t a date. 
“So where to?” Blaine asks as they exit the theatre and Kurt is pretty sure he’s not asking him for directions to take him back to his own apartment. What is he supposed to answer? “Would you like to come back to my place for a glass of wine? I even have that cabernet you liked last week.” Blaine’s apartment and Cabernet.
“I’d love to.”
...
They’ve been sitting on Blaine’s comfy couch, sipping wine, for the better part of an hour, talking about Kurt’s mid-winter showcase performance, and about each of their favourite theatre parts in the opus of great theatre. Kurt has always wanted to play an iconic villain - maybe Ursula in Little Mermaid if they will accept epic drag, and Blaine would love to play someone edgy and queer, to avoid the straight-laced romantic box he seems to be playing on TV. Maybe Hanschen, or even Hedwig. The conversation is so effortless that Kurt forgets to think about whether this is a date.
“Yes Ursula!” Blaine says enthusiastically, squeezing Kurt’s upper arm. “You’d be amazing.” 
“I don’t know about that, but-” Kurt stops because Blaine has left his hand on his arm, and he doesn’t seem to be moving. Good thing he has been working out because Blaine is currently drumming his fingers gently on his bicep, and his tensing up at least accentuates his muscles. Kurt shivers but doesn’t move. So it’s a date. Okay, play it cool. He stays completely still, looking at Blaine, Blaine smiling at him, until he realizes that he isn’t breathing. He exhales in a giggle into his arm. The other arm. Not the arm that Blaine is currently drawing soft circles on.
“You were saying?” Blaine looks at him sweetly, mischieviously, rubbing his arm more firmly now. Yup, a date.
Kurt takes a deep breath, tries to take in the moment. Blaine is touching him and staring at him, flirty and eyes sparkly as always. And with intent. What does he do? Say something or mirror Blaine or close his eyes or? He doesn’t know. “I have absolutely no idea.” What he was saying and also what he’s doing.
Blaine’s hand moves firmly down Kurt’s arm. He picks up Kurt’s hand and interlaces their fingers. Blaine’s hand is not even sweaty, unlike his. Blaine moves his other hand to Kurt’s other arm. “I’m going to kiss you now, okay?”
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