#like yeah realistically he was mostly abused when he was a child growing up in a cult that's well known for being abusive

[thesmokinpossum]

last post i'll make about this because thinking too much about this case is legit bad for my mental health but anyway, while I think that the article I reblogged is an important read, I also think it's genuinely insane that the author chose to interrupt her description of a brutal rape to be all "now of course if this had happened in the context of actual BDSM it would have been completely ok UwU" like what????? Imagine describing someone being violently jumped on the street and feeling the need to start by reminding your readers that if it had been two professional boxers on a ring it would have been just fine, like what the fuck was the reason for that??

[zorilleerrant]

Robin was originally supposed to be a lens character children could see themselves through. But that was when superhero comics were trying to sanitize themselves and become more child friendly; the problems were supposed to be less gritty and realistic.

Later we see a trend in comics (art comics first, and then expanding into mainline superhero comics) of becoming more serious, dramatic, and realistic. And then, continuing, grimdark and edgy. Then, the context of the media has changed, but the character of Robin has either changed very little, leading to a mismatch with the tone and attitude of the work, or a lot, leading to a Robin who is treated in a more realistic way that isn't a lens character for children.

Robin hasn't been intended as a lens for children for a while, for the main reason that children aren't the primary consumers of comics anymore. You can easily see this by comparing Robin as he appears in graphic novel(la)s aimed at the MG/YA crowd versus how he appears in mainline titles. In their own comics - Robin or Teen Titans titles - compared to their supporting roles in Batman or even Batman and Robin titles, there's also a marked difference in the attitude toward and by Robin as a character.

This is what's led to the discussion in text of Robin as a child soldier; the world of superhero comics has changed drastically, and with it the respective positions of heroes within it, especially child heroes, and especially child heroes who are under the putative guardianship of a competent adult. Characters make numerous references to the changing world around them, such as, "villains robbed banks back then, they didn't kill people" or "it was a simpler time when it made more sense for Robin to be exposed to that."

When analyzing older comics (generally before the '80s, when they really started getting darker) that contain Robin as a lensing character, obviously it doesn't make sense to read it as commentary on child soldiers. (Although it can still be productive to do so, as superhero comics have always been a product of American imperialism and widely used as a propaganda tool for the military.) Mostly people aren't analyzing older comics, though.

People are analyzing more recent comics, which are often intentional and explicit commentary on Robins as child soldiers, and how that would realistically impact their lives. This offers a lot of narrative avenues into trauma, responsibility, growing up, etc. that can do a lot of heavy lifting with the sorts of metaphors comics have always been good at. They're still characters that deal with coming of age issues, it's just that those issues are more often abuse/neglect recovery and recent independence (which matches the slightly older age of people who are likely to read a lot of comics).

People aren't failing to analyze media correctly, they're just analyzing a different part of a massive multi-author project that frequently contradicts itself and, depending on who's crafting stories and why, deals with massively different issues and implications. It's not a paradigm that works for every story, but it's a paradigm that works for many stories that intentionally invoke it.

It's also a paradigm that works for many stories that unintentionally invoke it through usage of things like military aesthetics or command structures/training, authoritarian voice, realistic violence, references to war literature and especially war trauma literature, and explicit vocabulary such as 'soldier', 'follow orders'/'disobey a direct order', 'commanding officer', 'wartime', 'chain of command', etc.

Like, yeah, it's a story, and someone invented that story, and Robin is never a real person who needs to be treated like a real child. But, also, sometimes the person who invented that story genuinely is a fascist, and noticing thematic elements that treat Robin as a child soldier are an interesting and productive use of media analysis.

And when the authors want to explore child soldiers thematically, it's reading against the text to claim that Robin is still just a lens.

[terramythos]

TerraMythos 2021 Reading Challenge - Book 19 of 26

Title: A Closed and Common Orbit (Wayfarers #2) (2016)

Author: Becky Chambers

Genre/Tags: Science Fiction, Third-Person, Female Protagonists

Rating: 9/10

Date Began: 7/25/2021

Date Finished: 8/5/2021

“Lovelace” is an AI system aboard the Wayfarer, a wormhole tunneling ship. Following a critical error, she awakens as a fresh installation, overwriting the beloved version everyone knew and loved. Faced with a distraught crew, she accepts a strange offer: upload her consciousness to a humanlike “body kit” and live with an independent tech on Port Coriol. She renames herself Sidra and moves in with Pepper and her partner Blue. Despite their support, Sidra struggles to figure out who she really is, and the type of person she wants to be. To complicate matters, her existence as an AI in a body kit is strictly illegal… and discovery means certain death. 

Pepper has her own shaky past. Once “Jane 23”, a genetically engineered slave from a fringe colony, she escapes from a scrap processing factory. Amid the continent-spanning junk heap, she discovers a trapped, functional AI named Owl. Owl saves her life and teaches her about the galaxy beyond. As Jane struggles to survive in a harsh and desolate wasteland, she resolves to fix Owl’s broken ship and escape the planet together. But such a feat is easier said than done. 

“Just because someone goes away doesn’t mean you stop loving them.”

Content warnings and minor spoilers below the cut.  

Content warnings for the book: Slavery, child abuse, child death, animal death. Depictions of PTSD/panic attacks. Traumatic injury and severe malnutrition. Recreational drug use. 

I enjoyed A Closed and Common Orbit much more than The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet. From what I understand, all the books in the Wayfarers series are standalones, but this one does have a direct connection to the previous story. It stars two minor characters from the last book— Pepper, a genetically engineered technician who escaped from slavery on a fringe colony, and Sidra (i.e. Lovelace), an AI installed in an illegal, humanlike body. While A Closed and Common Orbit can be read on its own, the last book is helpful for some context and worldbuilding.

Official descriptions for the book don’t do it justice. Common Orbit follows two narrative threads. There’s a “current” story that follows Sidra as she adjusts to her new body and learns how to be a person. This storyline doesn’t  contain much action, but there is some tension with Sidra hiding her true identity. With Pepper and her partner Blue’s help, Sidra gradually accepts/overcomes her unique abilities, challenges, and limitations. Sidra’s story functions as a scifi flavored coming-of-age story. It’s not all fluffy and heartwarming, containing realistic interpersonal conflicts and a rocky friendship with an Aeluon tattoo artist named Tak (who is awesome—a genderfluid character whose pronouns change throughout the book, and no one sees it as weird or a big deal. Hell yeah). I like seeing fictional friendships that take work to develop, but become genuine as both characters grow.

But in my opinion, the meat of the narrative lies in the “past” thread, which serves as Pepper’s origin story. It details her childhood as a slave called “Jane 23”, her escape into a continent-sized scrapyard, and her chance meeting with Owl, an abandoned AI trapped in a junk ship. Owl takes on the role of a parent and does her best to raise Jane. This story is excellent for many reasons. It’s a parallel coming-of-age story. Like Sidra, Jane learns to become a person, but hers are bleak circumstances; isolated from other humans, eking out an existence hunting feral dogs, and slowly patching up the shuttle. Jane struggles with PTSD and the grim reality of survival in a world that wants her dead. This culminates when she resolves to repair Owl’s ship and escape the planet. The simplistic, childish language in the early chapters gives way to more nuanced prose as Jane learns more about the galaxy. There’s a heavy focus on the close, familial relationship between her and Owl. As the story progresses, the reader naturally questions what happened to Owl, and why she’s absent in the Sidra storyline. Both stories converge in the third act to resolve this. 

One thing that’s really nice about parallel narratives is when they complement and add context to each other. It’s such a basic thing, but I love when writers do it well, and Chambers is no exception. Pepper’s “past” story provides the context for her motivation to help Sidra. Pepper sees AIs as fully sapient and deserving of the same rights, treatment, and dignity as any other person. Owl saved Pepper’s life and raised her because it was the right thing to do… so Pepper fulfills a similar role for Sidra. Another great detail is Pepper’s obsession with a children’s media franchise, Big Bug. Initially it comes of as geeky and a little silly. But when we see the reason for her attachment in the Jane storyline, it hits like a gutpunch. There’s lots of other similarities between the stories, but we’d be here all day if I went into them. 

In general, many of my complaints about the last book don’t apply to this one. I think fewer leads helps, as there is more focus on individual character arcs. To me, many of the characters in the last book felt tacked on, to the point I didn’t feel any investment in them. But here, the focus on Sidra and Pepper feels deeper and more intimate. I’m apprehensive about the next two books, as they both have broad ensemble casts. I hope they avoid the problems present in The Long Way, but I’ll be optimistic. Common Orbit also has lasting conflict and consequence, something severely lacking in the last book. It’s nice to see that characters who like each other and consider each other family still have arguments and conflicting motivations. This sounds basic, but again, it’s something the last book either didn’t convey or resolved right away. 

While I enjoyed this book, I have a few criticisms. Several key scenes are missing, to the story’s detriment. A big one is Owl’s “introduction” to Sidra’s storyline. As I mentioned earlier, it’s clear that Pepper’s motivation to help Sidra stems from her relationship with Owl. When Owl suddenly becomes relevant, it’s hand-waved that Pepper told Sidra about her at some point. Yet we never actually see Pepper do this. Considering the narrative setup between these characters, it seems like a huge missed opportunity to skip a critical scene that ties the three together. I also wanted to see more development with Blue; while I like him, he doesn’t have much narrative impact. He’s present in both stories but mostly serves as a passive, emotional support character. It would have been nice to see him take an active role at some point. 

I gave this book the benefit of the doubt, and it paid off. I have to say I’m impressed with the level of improvement between The Long Way and Common Orbit. While I am nervous to see what the last two books hold, I hope I like them. As mentioned, each book is a standalone story. I’m reading them in order, but from what I can tell, you can start with any of them. I certainly recommend this one!

[m34gs]

Top 5 Favourite Anime/Manga and Top 5 Favourite songs of all time.

Thanks for the ask friend! (from this post here)

You make me make hard decisions, friend. Hard decisions.

Alright, let's get started (I'm assuming you want a logic behind the ranking too so this may get a little wordy, lol)

Top 5 Favourite Anime/Manga:

5. Michiko and Hatchin: This is up here in the top 5. It really is a good show. I love the relationship between Michiko and Hana (Hatchin), how even though they are totally different they grow to care about each other so much. I love how although it looks like the show is going to be mostly about Michiko's romantic love for Hiroshi and Hana's need to feel accepted and protected by a father, it actually ends up focusing more on the bond between them...they really have a parent-child relationship; a Found Family. :D (To anyone who may want to try this show, warning for: gore, blood, violence, gang violence, suggestive themes, gang wars, police violence, abuse, child abuse, bullying, murder)

4. Death Note: Because why? Because yes. I love this series a lot, love the idea of power corrupting, how different people view justice, the way the masses are easily swayed with fear and admiration, the way it delves into characters and analyzing them, knowing what they're going to do next, the idea of 'does the end really justify the means', all of that makes me so so so happy. Why, then, is it only at 4 on my list? Because after a certain episode, in which we lost a certain character, I actually stopped watching and didn't even look at the show or anything related to it for about three months. Because that was my favourite character. Is that a biased reason? Yes, yes indeed. But this is my list, so anyone who thinks that's a silly reason can deal with it :D

3. Bleach: Does this surprise anyone? Anyone at all? No? Good. I love Bleach. I really enjoy all the different characters, the different abilities, the different relationships...there is just so much to love. Is the plot a bit repetitive in certain arcs? Particularly the filler ones? Yeah, a little. But that doesn't mean we don't get some quality character interactions out of it. Also. Kenpachi. Enough said.

2. Madoka Magicka: This may surprise some people as my #2 fave, because I don't mention it a lot. At least, not to many people. I absolutely love the way it turns tropes upside down and inside out. I really like the realistic emotions the characters portray, and I always cry at some point when I watch it. Another reason this one is up here on the list is because I actually have watched the original show multiple times. (I haven't looked at the latest addition yet though, and I know I'm behind but I've just been so busy :/)

1. Blue Exorcist: Not sure if this would shock anyone or not as my current number one. I've been in the fandom for a few years now, and I thoroughly enjoy the series. I like where it's going with character development, and the art is very pretty to me. I love the aesthetic of the blue fire, and Rin as a character is so precious to me. He tries so hard to be 'good' and make friends, and part of me can feel that desperation because I did not always have the easiest time making friends growing up. In a way, I identify with him a lot.

Alright, now it's time for Top 5 Favourite Songs of All Time:

5. Rebel Love Song by Black Veil Brides: This one is my ring-tone :D

4. Forest Fires by Lauren Aquilina: This is just a really heart-wrenching song to me. It's pretty, the words are meaningful, it's a ballad that I can just lose myself in...and try not to tear up when she sings "Who would wanna be around me?" because that is such a vulnerable line, one that can tug at the heartstrings of anyone who has ever questioned if the people they love really love them back. It just really speaks to my soul.

3. I'm Not a Vampire (Revamped) by Falling in Reverse: Ok, so this one has a pun in the title, which ~yesssss~. Plus, I love the original version, it's fun, funky, makes me giggle to sing along to. And then they came out with this version. And. I. Lost. My. Mind. Slowed down, more drama, orchestra????? in the background????? CHORAL SINGING AND CHANTING IN THE BACKGROUND????!!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Ok, I think I made my point :)

2. His Work and Nothing More from Jekyll and Hyde, particularly the one sung by Anthony Warlow, Carolee Carmello, Philip Hoffman, And John Raitt: I like the drama~ Also, the way they sing against each other? *chef's kiss* phenomenal. Fantastic. Absolute perfection. like really, the part where he goes "Have I become my work and nothing more?" and I just AHHHHHHHHHHH because my brain does the happy electric slide. Then when Lisa is all like 'Don't be unkind, the problem's all in your mind!' and I just a;sljdf;ljdhgj hi yes hello let me sing all the parts please give me all the parts I wanna sing the entire song by myself while simultaneously singing against myself, do you see my issue because I am full of issues but do you see this Specific One????? Ok. I'm done ranting about this one, I have to move on or I'll write you an entire encyclopedia on why I love it. Lol.

1. The Sound of Silence cover by Disturbed: I don't even know if I could explain it. It just makes my brain so satisfied. I can listen to it over and over without getting sick of it. I can listen to it when I'm happy, sad, angry, hungry, melancholy, excited, nervous, doesn't seem to matter what I feel, I will always be able to listen to this song.

There you go friend! Hope you enjoyed these answers. I put some pretty colours in there because I felt like it, lol :)

[amillioninprizes]

A Tale of Two P.I.s: How Stumptown Succeeded Where Veronica Mars Failed

A hardboiled female private eye with a drinking problem, a litany of temporary sexual partners, and trauma resulting from her romantic soulmate dying in an explosion that’s partially her fault solves mysteries.

This could describe either the freshman ABC show Stumptown, starring Cobie Smulders as military veteran Dex Parios, or Rob Thomas’s intended vision for an adult Veronica Mars in the wake of the recent S4 that aired on Hulu. Many VM fans turned to the former after the supreme disappointment that was S4 in order to get their kickass lady detective fix; a common refrain that I’ve seen is that Stumptown is the show that adult Veronica Mars should have been. Notably, Stumptown was recently renewed for a second season, while Hulu has declined to order more seasons of Veronica Mars. Now that the pain of VM S4 is less fresh, I recently watched the first season of Stumptown to see if it was worth the hype. Here are the reasons why I think that Stumptown has been renewed for a second season while Veronica Mars has, much like Susan Knight, been left dead in the water:

Dex is a competent detective

Like, I shouldn’t even have to say this, but: if you’re going to make a show about a private investigator, that character should be able to crack cases. Rather infamously, Veronica did not solve any mysteries in VM S4: Keith solved the bomber mystery, Logan solved the congressman blackmail mystery, and Vinnie solved the missing ring mystery. Veronica just kind of floated around being a mean party girl.

Meanwhile Dex, despite being less experienced as a detective, uses her smarts and background as a military interrogator to solve the mystery of the week. She notably utilizes disguises and undercover work, two former features of Veronica’s investigating that were missing in S4. The show also makes a decent attempt to portray the realities of her having to obtain a license to be a PI and work legally, including an internship and dealing with consumer complaints. Contrast this with the proposed future seasons of VM as a traveling detective--something that would be nigh impossible giving licensing requirements.

I think the contrast between the two’s abilities can best be seen in their opening scenes of the season: Dex, at the casino, is able to suss out a married dude hitting on her pretty quickly, comprehensively listing his tells. Meanwhile, Veronica’s first scene in S4 has her randomly smashing a client’s belongings to find hidden cameras and then unprofessionally overcharging her. If that’s how she treats clients, it’s no wonder that Mars Investigations is financially struggling at the beginning of S4.

Stumptown also does a better job than VM S4 of showing why the protagonist chooses to be a detective. For Dex, it gives her stability and a sense of purpose that had been lacking since her return from Afghanistan. On the other hand, Veronica is shown to be somewhat dissatisfied with her life in S4, but it’s never explicitly addressed why; it’s also not examined why she remains in Neptune as a detective when she could use her Ivy League law degree at any time and live anywhere, especially when she appears to no longer have a talent for being a detective. Logan briefly broaches the subject in one scene, but it’s dropped just like every other VM plot thread.

Dex is a marshmallow

As has been covered extensively elsewhere (including the pages of this very blog), probably the largest issue that people had with S4 of Veronica Mars outside of Logan’s death was Veronica’s characterization. Rob Thomas said in interviews that he told the writers this season to write Veronica like a porcupine; the end result was a portrayal that dialed all of Veronica’s negative traits to 11, added new ones, and completely removed the softer aspects of her character that made her such a compelling and complex protagonist. There was an attempt to give Veronica an emotional connection to the bomber mystery via the character Matty, but for most viewers it didn’t resonate due the flat affect of both actresses and poor writing. It was hard to feel like Matty was a sympathetic underdog when she had a wealthy mother ready to whisk her away to Paris for Spring Break. Veronica also doesn’t appear to have retained her former drive for justice; she mostly seems interested in collecting a paycheck (and if that’s the case I again ask why she isn’t using her Columbia law degree). She also weaponizes her white womanhood against a Latino teenager. What a great role model!

Contrast this with the also outwardly caustic Dex, who initially IS only in it for the paycheck. First off, even that’s somewhat noble in that she needs to take care of her adult brother with Down’s syndrome. Yet she quickly finds her sense of justice overcoming her desire to make bank. We see this early in the season when she turns against the PI she is shadowing in order to help a young mother obtain custody of her child from her wealthy, abusive ex-husband. This is also seen when she brokers a deal to protect the privacy of the biological child of a political candidate she’s been hired to find dirt on.

Dex also relies heavily on her support system--namely her brother Ansel, best friend Gray, food truck purveyor Tookie, and even police detective Hoffman. She resists her brother moving out because she’d be lonely without him, and her entire found family are instrumental in helping her with her cases. This isn’t necessarily different from Veronica per se, although Veronica treated her loved ones cruelly in S4. Additionally, Rob Thomas wanted to continue the show without them, despite how heavily Veronica relied on them both to help her with cases as well as emotionally.

Stumptown also shows that even if Dex hasn’t fully processed her trauma, she is capable of growing. She makes nice with her high school enemy after clearing her daughter of suspected drug dealing. Contrast this with Veronica, who punched her high school nemesis at her high school reunion (and for the five millionth time, no one wanted to see that) and was shown to have regressed as an adult to be more immature at age 35 than she was at 17. That didn’t make her seem more cool or noir, just sad.

Also, Dex actually manages to brush her hair. (But srsly I need to know how they get her hair to do that great wavy thing).

Dex’s trauma is thoughtfully addressed

As a corollary to the above point: there was obviously Something Wrong with Veronica in S4, but the show didn’t bother to explain what had transpired between the end of the second book and S4 to explain her seeming personality transplant; as a fellow fan has said, the show pretended to deal with her trauma but glossed over it in reality. For example, in addition to depicting her as being depressed and cruel to her loved ones, she is shown drinking heavily and doing drugs, both of which are out of character for her. Yet the show seems to glamorize it; none of her loved ones express any concern about this behavior and there are no references made to her alcoholic mother, whose actions negatively affected her growing up to the extent that Veronica had previously expressed wanting to avoid becoming like her. But despite the fact that she was obviously struggling with something, Rob Thomas and Kristen Bell stated that they needed to kill Logan because Veronica was somehow not traumatized enough. Apparently, putting Logan’s ring on her finger just magically erased her previous issues (unrealistic and harmful messaging to trauma survivors), and he needed to die because women can only be interesting if they’re damaged (misogynistic). Adding insult to injury was Rob Thomas’s assertion that Logan’s memory wouldn’t play much of a part of the show going forward because it would be too depressing and he needed Veronica to not be consumed with thoughts of him while engaging in “strange sex”, whatever that means. Yeah Rob, it would def be realistic for Veronica to just get over the fact that her husband and love of her life died of a bomb due to her oversight in a year and then continue on her merry way without any support from her loved ones!

Stumptown, however, explicitly connects Dex’s self destructive behavior with her past trauma: in the very first episode Dex is shown frantically texting contacts for a sexual hookup in the midst of a PTSD episode. The most powerful scene of the entire season in my opinion is one where, after experiencing a flashback to her time as an interrogator in Afghanistan, she goes on a bender at home and trashes her house to the soundtrack of Fleetwood Mac’s “The Chain.” (As an aside, I would also like to point out that Stumptown deftly portrays the trauma and grey morality associated with military service, which could have been an amazing (and noir!) storyline for naval intelligence officer Logan in future seasons of VM if Rob Thomas wasn’t such a dimwit).

Additionally, the death of her not quite-fiancé Benny hangs over her, even though the event took place twelve years prior to the start of the series. Even before Benny is introduced onscreen in flashbacks in the penultimate episode of S1, the show does a good job of portraying just how much he and their relationship meant to Dex. The season culminates in Dex finding out that his death in an explosion in Afghanistan was not in fact her fault, as she had previously assumed. Interestingly, the show’s writers considered revealing that Benny had faked his death, but the head writer later stated in an interview that doing so would invalidate the trauma Dex had experienced for 12 years and would ultimately be cruel. While on a shallow level I wouldn’t have minded them bringing Benny back since the actor who played him was super attractive and had great chemistry with Cobie Smulders, the decision the writers made instead makes more sense for the world they have built and is far more thoughtful: it allows Dex to obtain a sense of closure and growth while respecting her grief.

Women over the age of 35 aren’t Satan

A criticism of VM since it originally aired is that the show generally portrays female characters, especially mothers and other women over a certain age, in a negative light (and Rob Thomas has been defensive about it just as long). The books partially rectified this by introducing the characters of Petra Landros, the former model turned owner of the Neptune Grand, and Marcia Langdon, the new Balboa County sheriff with a murky past. Marcia was brought back for S4, but considerably dumbed down and less complex than in the books (and there’s definitely something to be said that the first time a BIPOC woman is shown in a position of power on screen in VM that her character is diminished).

Stumptown, on the other hand, has two women as older female mentors/nemeses in positions of power: Sue Lynn, the matriarch of the local Native American tribe, and Lieutenant Cosgrove of the Portland PD. Both have complicated relationships with Dex: Sue Lynn ended Dex’s relationship with Benny, her son, yet repeatedly seeks her out for help with matters on the reservation. Lieutenant Cosgrove often finds herself at odds with Dex while the latter is attempting to solve a case, though she also encourages her to legally obtain her PI license. It shouldn’t be revolutionary to have complex older female characters as supporting cast on a female-centered show in 2020, but after 15 years of misogyny from VM it certainly feels refreshing.

Where Stumptown falls short

All of this is not to say that Stumptown is flawless. Despite my praise for including older female characters above, the show is still pretty dude heavy, especially Dex’s inner circle. The mysteries of the week are of fairly average quality, and several were reminiscent of some seen in VM’s original run--the season even ends with a “Who’s at the door?” gambit. I also didn’t love the storyline where Grey’s girlfriend gets Dex drunk and tricks her into thinking they had slept together in order to drive Grey and Dex apart--that felt like something out of the mind of Rob Thomas. It also bears mentioning that in the context of current events the generally positive portrayal of the police department and Dex’s close relationship with them should bear more scrutiny. And while the show is well done overall, it never quite reaches the emotional resonance of original flavor VM (but then, neither did VM S4).

Despite those quibbles, I think it’s a good show overall. I felt like as the season progressed the creative team figured out what worked and the cast seemed to gel together. I love the classic rock soundtrack (another area where VM S4 failed, given that it abandoned VM’s signature indie soundtrack for generic pop music), which in conjunction with Dex’s wardrobe gives the show a fun retro feel. By the end of the season I was firmly won over, and I look forward to S2. Hopefully the writers of Stumptown paid attention to the backlash to VM S4 as a lesson in what not to do going forward.

[luckyjak]

Why I Don’t Ship Widojest: A Master Post

An anon sent me an ask about this topic, and I debated for quite a bit about how to answer it. Then I decided the best way was to do a long post like this. I put a lot of thought into why I don’t like it, and I thought to share it.

A few things: 1) I am not telling you not to ship it. The goal of this is not to say “Don’t ship Widojest! It is a bad ship and you are a bad person for shipping it!” That is not my goal, okay? The internet and fandom in particular is meant for fun, and if you enjoy Widojest then more power to you! Don’t let me or anyone else stop your fun! Lord knows I have shipped significantly more problematic things. All I ask is that you tag shit more but that’s beside the point.

2) I am not particularly interested in argument. You are not likely to change my mind. I am not trying to be hostile, but if you know reading this is going to piss you off, then don’t read it. A question was asked of me, and so I thought to share my opinion. Unfortunately for everyone involved I am a high school English teacher, and so I cannot think about anything without completely overthinking it.

About my shipping preferences: generally, I like all the ships! I was particularly fond of Widomauk before Molly died, and I now I really enjoy Shadowgast, but I also like Fjorclay, Fjester, Beaujester, Beauyasha, Widofjord, Clayleb, Lavorclay, and, as the only person on earth, Yasha/Caleb. Hell, if Astrid gets a good redemption arc? Caleb/Astrid or even Caleb/Astrid/Edowulf. Any of those ships could become canon and I’d be tickled pink! You can even throw Nott into the mix, even though I mostly ship her with her husband. Nott/Fjord? Delightful. Nott/Caleb? Weird flex but why not? Nott/Jester? Absolutely! They are the best detectives!

I just don’t like Widojest and I don’t want it to be canon, and here’s why:

Doyalist Reasons First:

1) Laura and Liam played twins for years, still act like siblings even though they aren’t related by blood, and it squicks me to think of them together romantically.

Laura and Liam are fantastic actors. If they were hired to play a romantic couple, I have no doubt in my mind they could knock it out of the park.

But why on earth would they want to pretend to be a romantic couple, in a game they both play for fun? 

It would be weird. I play D&D with several guys I consider my brothers, and I can’t imagine pretending to romance either of them in d&d for that same reason. It would be weird. 

Maybe it wouldn’t be weird for Liam and Laura. Maybe they are more dedicated to their RP, and they’d be able to push that aside for the sake of fictional romance. But for me, that would be the last thing I’d want to play, and I suppose I project that onto Laura/Liam.

2) A lot of “evidence” for the ship is the way Liam looks at Laura.

To which I say...did you watch Vox Machina?

That’s how Liam looks at Laura all the time. He’s the president of her fanclub. He’s her twinsie. He always looks at her with hearteyes. I have a hard time seeing that as “evidence” for him having feelings for her when...that’s just what his face looks like.

Now, for Watsion reasons:

3) It has all the benefits for Caleb, and none for Jester

Seriously. What does Jester get out of a relationship with Caleb?

Don’t say someone who understands her, because Caleb certainly doesn’t. In fact, the only person who routinely “gets” Jester is Beau. (see: their conversation on the ship.)

Lots of people accuse Widojest as being a Manic Pixie Dream Girl ship because...let’s be realistic, it has all the makings of one. Tortured, broody man meets young, innocent girl who teaches him to enjoy life once again? Wikipedia’s definition is “[girl with] eccentric personality quirks and are unabashedly girlish. They invariably serve as the romantic interest for a (most often brooding or depressed) male protagonist.” Guys, that is textbook Manic Pixie Dream Girl! It gets even worse because Jester’s character is a healer! You want her to heal him? That is squicky!

And yeah, I trust Liam and Laura to be more nuanced than that, but do you know who I absolutely do not trust to be more nuanced?

The fandom. The fandom that is already producing mass amounts of Manic Pixie Dream Girl fanfic. And as that’s where I spend a lot of my free time...egads. I do not want that.

The few Widojest fics I have read (which, admittedly, are not a lot, because again, I don’t like the ship. The few I have read have been tagged as gen and then come to find out, weren’t.) have the distinct problem of woobie-fying Caleb so that Jester can take care of him, and gosh, I do not want that to become a trend. 

4) Age Gap

Yes, thirteen years is not that major of an age gap. Yes, Fjord/Jester also have a large age gap.

However, there is a world of difference between “20 year old girl displays romantic interest in a 30 year old man, who decides he likes her back after getting to know her for months” vs “33 year old man decides to pursue a 20 year old woman after they danced one time when he was drunk and held hands and she showed general concern for his well-being.” One is decidedly more creepy.

(And would Jester be the one to pursue a relationship with Caleb? I almost think she’d have to, but again, why would Jester ever pursue Caleb when Fjord/Beau are right there.)

(Also, side note that I thought about making it’s own point but then decided it was petty: if Jester’s type is Fjord--tall, broad-shouldered, dark haired, muscled, then Caleb--skinny, red-head, shorter than Fjord--decidedly isn’t her type.

You know who is tall, dark, and handsome though? Beau.) 

And do not say Jester is mature for her age, because she absolutely isn’t! In fact, the whole point of her character is that she’s not mature, she’s very immature and childish on account of her being locked away and being incredibly sheltered most of her life! 

Also not a good excuse: Caleb spent 11 years in the asylum and therefore he’s only mentally in his 20s. Uh, no he’s not. He was in an asylum: he was not brain dead. He lived those years. He might’ve been crazy, but he was alive then. Nothing Liam’s done suggests that Caleb is mentally in his 20′s.

5) What would they even talk about?

This is probably actually the one that bothers me the most out of all these reasons, but uh....what would Caleb and Jester talk about, if they were in a relationship together?

Seriously.

They could talk about books? But Jester only ever reads terrible romance and smut. We saw when she tried to pay attention to the dunamancy lessons that she struggles to be interested in that academic stuff that is Caleb’s bread and butter. They could talk about their childhoods? That will go over well. Jester was locked away from society and Caleb straight up murdered his beloved parents. If they manage to avoid that, I’m sure they could fight again over income, what with Jester being a rich kid and Caleb being a poor farm boy. Pranking? Caleb enjoys a good prank now and again, but I can only imagine he’d tolerate getting banned from so many libraries.

They are a cat and a dog, literally. Caleb is an introvert and his idea of a good time is a quiet night at home with a good book. Jester’s idea of a good time is a party with lots of people! Yet I’m supposed to believe they’d have a happy and fulfilling relationship? Don’t get me wrong, many introverts and extroverts do get married in real life, but like...I have a hard time seeing this one working out. How many dicks do you think Jester draws in his spellbooks--which are expensive and time-consuming and require precise work--before that becomes a point of contention? 

6) He doesn’t trust her enough to tell her his secrets

Hey quick poll! Who in the Mighty Nein doesn’t know that Caleb murdered his parents?

Fjord. Caduceus. And look, Jester.

I have a hard time buying that he sees her romantically when he can’t even tell her one of the biggest things about him. And he’s known her for months at this point.

If I liked a guy, and I found out he had this big secret, and he had told Beau but not me this secret? I would think he didn’t trust me.

I suppose you could argue that he’s trying to protect her. But then that just goes back into the whole “he doesn’t trust her” argument. He even had the opportunity to and he didn’t during their whole hand-holding thing a few episodes ago!

7) What does their ending look like? 

Listen, my ideal ending for Caleb at the moment is “maybe after ten years of friendship he lets Essek tenderly hold his hand for just a moment but no longer” but that’s just me. I see a lot of people who seem to think Caleb’s going to settle down and marry Jester and they are going to have kids, and I just--

Caleb? Having children? Caleb, who murdered his parents and has severe PTSD surrounding that? Caleb, who was abused by his mentor daily for many years? You want to give that Caleb children??? Children who he would constantly worry may grow up to kill him, like he did his own parents, or worse, that he’d do something to accidentally hurt them in a fit of madness?

I could see Caleb maybe adopting a kid if one was forced onto him, but I cannot see him going “ah yes we should procreate!” 

Jester, meanwhile, needs like approximately fifteen kids ten years from now, I think. She’d love them. She’d just adopt an orphanage and let the kids run wild and be the best at playing games with them.

Also, character arcs are important. Because Caleb’s ideal ending is stability and Jester’s is exploration.

Caleb, traumatized child soldier who has spent the past 15 years in an asylum and also fighting for his life, and before that spent time traveling between the Zemni Fields, Ikithon’s home in the country, and the Empire’s Capitol, who then escaped the asylum and spent all of his time running, trying to avoid being caught by Ikithon. The best ending for Caleb is to find peace; peace that involves not having to move around anymore, and having a home again, something he hasn’t had in almost twenty years. Maybe that home is a tower in Nicodranas. Maybe it’s a house in Xhoras with six other people. Maybe it’s a quiet bookstore in Zadash, or a little cabin in the Zemni Fields. A garden/graveyard in the woods. Either way, it doesn’t involve a lot of travel from place to place.

Meanwhile, Jester, who was trapped in exactly one place for her entire life, deserves a chance to explore the world. Even when the Mighty Nein disband, I can’t see Jester being happy to just go back to Nicodranas and stay there for the rest of her life. She may settle down eventually, but uhhh, not for several decades, I don’t think. Part of why my two big ships for her are Fjord and Beau: Fjord wants to be a sailor again, I think, which involves travelling the world, so I could see Jester going out with him. Beau, likewise, is an Expositor whose job is to seek out corruption, which again, means travelling, which Jester would be happy to do with her. Hell, the three of them could go together, sailing and punching evil for all of time! It would be great!

(Also: her god is called the TRAVELER why would you want her to settle down and be a mom??? What part of her story makes you think she needs to stay in one place?)

Lastly

I apologize if this post offends anyone. I’ve just been thinking about it for a while, and while Widojest as a ship has surged in popularity, I suppose I wanted to make a counterpoint about my feelings towards the ship. This isn’t meant as an attack on anyone, again, and please, if you like the ship then don’t look at this as a reason to stop liking it! Fandom is for fun! Keep liking what you like!

And I can’t promise I’m always going to feel this way about the ship--hell, the VOD of Thursday’s episode may come out on Monday, and I may watch it and be converted myself. Who knows! I didn’t like Vax/Keyleth at first either, but it grew on me and now it’s one of my favorites from Vox Machina.

(ALTHOUGH Mr. O’brien I swear to God if you romance Jester while flirting with Essek in a direct parallel to Keyleth/Vax/Gilmore I’m going to fly to LA just to punch you.)

Part of me wonders too if it just comes down to character interpretation, if there is something about their characters that is clicking for some people but isn’t for me. Admittedly, I love Caleb and Jester’s friendship, and I see them more as growing like siblings that romantically, but I’ve been wrong before and who knows, I may be wrong again. But if it is a character interpretation, I just wonder what they are seeing about the characters that squicks me but appeals to them.

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

Dear Yuletide writer,

I’m 100indecisions on AO3. just based on numbers of requests/offers in the signup summary, it seems fairly likely that you matched with me on Avengers Academy, but it’s also slightly possible it was Silent Hill 3 or The Bifrost Incident. numbers also indicate nobody else requested or offered my other two fandoms, but I’m including them here anyway in case you or anyone else wants to take a stab at them. (there’s also this post if you want a little more info about why these fandoms are cool and where to find them.)

regardless! the important thing as always is that you have fun writing the fic, and for the most part everything that follows is just a suggestion. whatever you come up with, I’m sure I’ll love it.

I feel like…most of the fandoms I requested aren’t too likely to lead to fics with my major DNWs, probably. I wouldn’t want to see dubcon or significant manipulation in a relationship that’s supposed to be positive and healthy, for instance. I’m not opposed to explicit sex scenes of any kind, although I often end up skimming them because I’m the type of ace person who is just Not Interested in most of the physical aspects, so…you’re welcome to write sex scenes if it’s relevant but you absolutely don’t have to feel like you need to.

in general, my biggest DNW is unhappy endings. I’m thrilled to see my favorite characters go through all kinds of hell to get there, so for most of these I would be very happy to get something tagged Crueltide, but I also like things to be okay or at least hopeful by the end. if canon is the unhappy part in one way or another, I’m always happy to read fix-it fics. Between post-canon fix-its that could reasonably happen in the future and canon-divergence AUs where things are okay now because of some mid-canon change, I have a slight preference for the former, but both are good.

as for stuff I like, well, the other thing implied by my main DNW is that I do often enjoy fairly dark fics, as long as they end okay. I also like Loki a lot, as you can probably guess from my requests. if you ended up matching me on Avengers Academy Loki or Bifrost Incident Loki, and/or you want to take a stab at one of the other Loki-centric requests, the Loki fics I’ve actually written are pretty representative of stuff I like in my Loki fics, which basically boils down to “sympathetic interpretations always, with loads of angst and/or whump on the way to a reasonably happy ending”. I tend to take a somewhat lighter tone in general with my Avengers Academy fics (I’ve written several of those and only one of them doesn’t involve Loki at all, so…yeah I have a one-track mind where Loki is concerned), although I did also write a pretty damn whumpy fic for AvAc Loki. I’m very invested in the relationship between Thor and Loki as brothers, although Thorki is usually a personal squick. for things that aren’t necessarily Loki-related, I like found families and deep friendships, sibling bonds, stories about characters reclaiming their own agency from some outside force and/or figuring out how to take control of their own narratives, and probably plenty of other things that aren’t coming to mind at the moment. I’m equally good with plotty fics and little slice-of-life or introspective pieces. I will always always always be happy to see queer characters, especially asexual ones.

more detail about my specific requests, basically just expanded versions of what I wrote in my sign-up:

Silent Hill 3 (Heather Mason). I love this game and that’s mostly because of Heather–she’s resourceful, brave, and incredibly tough, and the game is essentially all about her reclaiming her agency (in a very literal, physical way) from people who used her for their own ends. Anything that gets into Heather’s head would be great, whether it’s a missing scene of some kind during the game or something afterward that explores what she does next, how she recovers from a frankly massive amount of trauma, and how she reconciles the various layers of her identity. The ways in which Heather, Cheryl the child, and Alessa both are and are not the same person are endlessly fascinating to me, and it seems like she probably has a lot of weird memories bouncing around in her head at this point--and possibly some extra trauma from Alessa’s memories of things Heather never physically experienced, as if she doesn’t have enough to deal with already. I would also really love to see something involving Angela and/or Maria from Silent Hill 2; I’m not sure how the timelines would line up (although realistically, considering the setting, that part would be trivial to handwave) but the way Heather basically said “fuck you, you don’t own me” to the cult makes me want to see other female characters find their own agency as well, and it would be really awesome if Heather found a way to help them do that, either by helping them directly or just by influencing the way the town operates. in general, I love these games for their atmosphere and symbolism, so anything you can do along those lines would be great.

Avengers Academy (Loki, Thor). I still miss this game. I especially miss Loki, who was a snarky little bastard but really not a bad dude. Mostly I’d be thrilled to see anything that focuses on him (or her, I super loved Loki’s canonical genderfluidity) developing actual friendships at the academy, with any characters who might be relevant (Steve, Natasha, America Chavez, Nebula, Union Jack, Angela, Jane Thor, really anybody). Working things out with Thor and/or the rest of his family is always good too; Loki’s Frost Giant storyline didn’t involve Thor at all, for instance, probably because it was written long before Thor was added to the game, so I’d be interested to see how things went when he found out his brother was a Frost Giant. I’m also always happy to see crossovers of some kind with other Marvel universes, especially considering AvAc was an interesting patchwork of film and comics canon; meta stuff where characters are aware of their multiverse counterparts is always fun (again, my own AvAc fics are pretty representative of what I like…and if you wanted to build off anything in those, I’d be thrilled). and hey, if you want to pick up or expand on any of the plot threads the game never really got around to, like more about the Academy’s supposed mole, the actual nature and origin of the timefog, or other worldbuilding-related stuff, that would be awesome. random slice-of-life stuff is also fun; so is expanding on any of the event plotlines or digging into in-world reasons for various gameplay decisions (way back during the Civil War event, for instance, Loki was one of the characters who could do stuff to earn points for Team Cap even though this didn’t come up in dialogue--it was almost certainly because they needed another non-event character to round out the rosters, but it would also make a fun premise for a fic). I’d also be happy to see something post-canon, showing what characters are up to now or doing some kind of reunion. I’m realizing somewhat belatedly that last year I only requested Loki because that’s the character I wanted most, and this year I requested both Loki and Thor even though my actual wishes haven’t changed, which...I’m not sure if that’s a potential matching problem or not. But just to be clear, the only character I require is Loki, and everything else is basically a suggestion. If there’s a character I haven’t listed but Loki had an interesting interaction with them, or they never spoke but you think they’d play off each other in fun ways, go for it.

The Bifrost Incident - The Mechanisms (Loki, Thor, Sigyn). I...need a fix-it. Like, for these characters specifically, but also for the universe in general, because the premise of this album is absolutely fascinating but I can't deal with tragedy, so--I need somebody to fix it. Somehow. I mean, I would also be very interested in pretty much anything about Loki and Sigyn, backstory or otherwise (especially if there’s Loki whump due to cosmic horror in general or Odin being a dick specifically, because...I am who I am), or Loki’s relationship with Thor, or...yeah, pretty much anything Loki-centric? But also I am a baby who cannot deal with tragedy so I gotta have like...at least a hint that things are going to end up differently than in canon. Or if you really don’t want to do that, speculate on this universe’s version of Valhalla or something, I don’t know. And yes, even though this isn’t a Marvel universe, I would also be very happy with some type of crossover/fusion with the MCU or another Marvel universe.

Loki: Where Mischief Lies - Mackenzi Lee (Loki). I had a lot of issues with this book and I’m not sure how much of that is just me not appreciating what the author was doing with an unreliable narrator (in part because I’m already pretty attached to certain interpretations of Loki) and how much is the author not quite doing it right, but I’d love to see something that would…make it make sense internally in terms of Loki’s motivations and actions. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a fix-it, although I’d love one of those too, with Loki reuniting with Theo and/or actually reconciling with his family. A giant crossover that includes this Loki with other major versions of Loki could be fun too. I’ve been planning for a while to write up some kind of actual review to articulate what about this book didn’t work for me, and I’ll update this post with a link when I do that, although…again, I know nobody else offered or requested this one. (if you think it sounds fun or you just want to read this book in general, my library actually has the ebook on Hoopla, so it’s worth checking to see if your library does too.)

What If... Thor Was Raised by the Frost Giants? (Loki, Thor). This is such a great little AU and I need MORE. Slice-of-life stuff with Thor and Loki growing up (and Laufey being an abusive bastard to Loki)? Fix-it where Freyja survives or somehow gets brought back? Post-canon fic picking up immediately after the end of the comic? Far-future speculation about what the present-day Marvel universe might look like with this change in its history? Literally anything post-canon about Thor and Loki tentatively reconciling? YES PLEASE. As always, biggest DNW is unhappy endings.

[initcne-arch]

@consequntial asked : all of them :)

1. how does your character think of their father?? what do they hate and love about him?? what influence - literal or imagined - did the father have??

Darlene’s feelings towards her father are incredibly complicated. We all know that Edward Alderson is the scum of the earth, but pre-canon and during the timeline of the series, Darlene has no clue what he was doing to Elliot. She was four fucking years old when he died. So let’s start with her feelings towards Edward Alderson pre and during canon, yeah??

She has few memories of him, but they’re mostly positive memories. Darlene mentions a few times throughout the show that she misses him, she wishes she had gotten to know him better, “what happened to Dad fucked me up too”, etc. I’ve discussed this before--I think growing up Darlene really idolized her father. Again, because the few memories that she has of him are positive, she wasn’t aware of what he was doing to Elliot, and her mother was blatantly neglecting her and berating her and occasionally beating the shit out of her. In Darlene’s mind, Edward could have protected them from Magda. I don’t know if Darlene ever really loved her dad. I think she had an idealized image of him because her mother’s abuse was so much more apparent.

Which leads us into post canon, whenever Elliot decides to tell Darlene about the sexual abuse. Again, incredibly complicated. It doesn’t change the fact that for twenty-five years, Darlene wanted nothing more than for her father to be there protecting them, that for twenty-five years she had this idea that if he were still around, things would have been better. Not great, but maybe he could have saved them from Magda, who’s abuse is much rawer in her mind. 

She’s furious with Edward. She hates the man. Despises him. She feels a tremendous amount of guilt for wanting him to be there. Realistically, she knows that she wasn’t aware of the abuse he was inflicting on Elliot, but she still feels guilty for wishing that he hadn’t died. She hates that their whole revolution was in his name. That they started all this to get back at the people who killed him. And those people needed to be taken down, just not for Edward Alderson’s sake. She hates that he had that influence on her. She wants nothing more than to beat him to death again with his own bones.

2. their mother?? how do they think of her?? what do they hate?? love?? what influence - literal or imagined - did the mother have??

Darlene hates Magda!! Hates the woman!! For all the shit Darlene has been through, she doesn’t think anything was worse than being in that house alone with Magda between the ages of fourteen and eighteen. She is, however, the only mother figure Darlene knows, and so she does regard Magda as her mother. Never mind the fact that Magda didn’t actually regard Darlene as her daughter. She loved to remind Darlene that they shared zero actual relation and the only reason Magda even “parents” Darlene is because she signed some paperwork claiming Darlene as her daughter. Darlene hates Magda for treating her and Elliot the way she did. She felt no guilt, no remorse over Magda’s death. It’s unclear exactly when Magda’s health started to deteriorate but Darlene sure as shit didn’t help out with getting her into memory care. Zero relation, remember, Magda??

As far as her biological mother goes, whoever she is, Darlene’s feelings about her are at a zero. Darlene doesn’t even know the woman’s name. Darlene was only a few months old when she dipped out of Darlene’s life. She does think about it from time to time--what is she like, what would have been different if she hadn’t left, does Darlene get her fire and anger from her or does nurture conquer nature?? 

3. brothers, sisters?? who do they like?? why?? what do they despise about their siblings??

Elliot!! Ultimately, Darlene loves him. They’ve been through thick and thin together. They work very well together. Both of them have a lot of their own unresolved shit that gets in the way of their relationship. Post canon they have a lot of work to do, both individually and between the two of them. Their relationship has ebbed and flowed over their lifetimes. Despite what canon says about them never being terribly close, I think they were close when they were younger, at least until Elliot was an older teenager. I seriously doubt that siblings who weren’t close would share the same bed or spend all day at the movies and arcade together or have goddamn code words with each other. Darlene was the only person who knew someone else was fronting from 2014-2015, the only person who knew her Elliot was gone. But they “were never close.” Bullshit. 

I get the impression that Darlene used to take it upon herself to take care of Elliot, when she was younger. Make sure he was getting out of bed in the morning, making both of them breakfast, packing both of them lunches. 

They grew up in an incredibly abusive and tumultuous household, each of them with their own unaddressed mental health concerns, and it doesn’t surprise me that they drifted apart as they grew older. Clearly, there was a period of time where Darlene attempted to rekindle their relationship, but it was too difficult and she ran away. It’s...a little more difficult to say if this rings true for Elliot as well, but Sam / the Mastermind blatantly admits that he’s treated Darlene like shit, that he’s been a shitty brother. I don’t think Darlene has always been the best sister, either. They’re never outright cruel to each other but again, lots of unresolved and unaddressed issues on individual levels. They aren’t always kind to each other. I do think Darlene idolizes Elliot to an extent as well, but considering he was the only person in their household who wasn’t absolutely awful, I can’t say that I blame her.

4. what type of discipline was your character subjected to at home?? strict?? lenient??

Inconsistent discipline. Depended on whether or not Magda wanted to deal with her on any given day. On Monday Darlene could get away with murder without Magda so much as glancing in her direction and by Tuesday, Magda would be slapping her for putting her dishes in the sink instead of the dishwasher. I’ve said before that based on Darlene’s behaviors as an adult, I’m pretty sure Magda was more emotionally / verbally / psychologically abusive and negligent towards Darlene than she was physically abusive but that didn’t stop Magda from smacking Darlene around from time to time. There was also a lot of restriction going on, like food restriction and medical restriction. For the most part, Magda just didn’t pay much attention to Darlene, and therefore, Darlene was not a well-disciplined child ( or adult, for that matter ).

5. were they overprotected as a child?? sheltered??

No. Again, Magda paid no mind to Darlene. She practically raised herself. Magda likely tried to shelter Darlene from things, given the woman was pretty staunchly religious, but since she didn’t want to be bothered with Darlene most days of the week, Darlene was free to do whatever she damn well pleased ( until those rare days Magda did pay attention. then there was hell to pay ).

6. did they feel rejection or affection as a child??

Big time rejection!! Starting with her biological mother leaving, someone who was supposedly genetically programmed to give a damn about Darlene. Then the woman who willingly married Darlene’s father and willingly adopted Darlene rejected her. Darlene was always kind of that weird, loud kid who no one really knew how to deal with, so a lot of her peers kind of left her alone, too. The only people Darlene really had were Elliot and Angela. They eventually had to grow up and start leading their own lives. As a young teenager, this certainly felt like they were cutting Darlene out of their lives. It was when those two went off to college that Darlene went really far off the deep end. 

7. what was the economic status of their family??

Given the cozy little house the Aldersons lived in, they seemed to be upper-middle class. Edward obviously worked for e-corp for a time and I assume the pay there was decent. There’s no indication that the Aldersons moved somewhere else after he passed away. Perhaps the mortgage was already paid off. Who’s to say. Upper-middle class.

8. how does your character feel about religion??

Darlene hates religion as an organization--Magda was an Evangelical Christian and loved to shove that down her children's throats. Above all, religion was used to shame Darlene, and thus, she despises it, despises that people will blindly follow some invisible being in the sky and be so cruel to others on the basis of what their invisible friend in the sky allegedly tells them. Spiritulaity, she believes, is very individualized, and if people get some comfort from it, then good for them.

9. what about political beliefs??

Tag walls, punch fascists, eat the rich, fuck the GOP, ACAB, BLM, etc. etc. Money is the invisible hand puppeteering all of our politicians and influences just about everything. She’s one whole entire lef.tist-social.ist-anarchist. Next question.

10. is your character street-smart, book-smart, intelligent, intellectual, slow-witted??

Darlene is definitely street-smart. She has to be, given her lifestyle. She’s a hacker and a con-artist--she has to be a smooth talker and she has to know her way around. She’s a pick-pocket, a lock picker, a smooth talker. She’s incredibly intelligent and quick-witted. Look at everything she’s accomplished!! She took down the most powerful people in the world!! Good for her!! I think Darlene could be book smart if she wanted to be, and I think she is to an extent. She talks about politics freely and clearly knows what she’s talking about when she does discuss them. There’s a certain amount of math involved with coding but she’s definitely not the scholarly type.

11. how do they see themselves: as smart, as intelligent, uneducated??

“I happen to be really smart and good at things.” Yes you are, baby. 

12. how does their education and intelligence – or lack thereof - reflect in their speech pattern, vocabulary, and pronunciations??

Darlene speaks very casually. She’s not peppering all these flowy, prosy words into her daily vocabulary, and god knows this woman has some colorful language and is an artist in profanity. She doesn’t speak like someone who’s uneducated nor someone who is educated. She says what’s on her mind. She is quite articulate and she can have quite the silver tongue when the situation calls for it. She scripted a handful of fsociety’s videos and completely adlibbed one in the span of ten minutes, for fucks sake.

13. did they like school?? teachers?? schoolmates??

Darlene only enjoyed school when it was an excuse to get out her house. As I previously mentioned, Darlene was always kind of the loud, weird kid that no one really knew what to do with. She liked to be around her schoolmates but she didn’t like to get too close to them. Her teachers were fine. Her schoolmates were fine. None of them were influential enough for her to remember particularly well. 

14. were they involved at school?? sports?? clubs?? debate?? were they unconnected??

Darlene was largely disconnected from school. She showed up often enough to pass her classes and graduate. Her after school activities consisted of ballet and getting high with others.

15. did they graduate?? high-school?? college?? do they have a PHD?? a GED??

She did graduate from high school. She completed exactly one semester of community college when she was nineteen, decided academia was absolutely not calling her name, and promptly dropped out.

16. what does your character do for a living?? how do they see their profession?? what do they like about it?? dislike??

Hacking and con-work. Darlene likes it well enough. She’s dead set on sticking it to the man. It’s also what she’s comfortable with. Darlene doesn’t like staying in one spot or doing one thing for too long. Maybe one day she’ll settle down and do some sort of freelance work--she did have a brief stint with freelance graphic design and she did enjoy doing that. She does desire some sort of stability. WIth how turbulent her life has been thus far, stability isn’t something she’s familiar with or comfortable with. So be gay, do crime.

17. did they travel?? where?? why?? when??

She skipped around the east coast when she was with [ REDACTED ]. That was mostly their decision, though. Running from whoever or whatever. Darlene won’t get into it. 

18. what did they find abroad, and what did they remember??

If you ask her, she’ll say nothing. Darlene doesn’t run for the sight seeing. She remembers many nights in shady motel rooms and countless fights with her own personal Humbert followed by her running away from them again until they either found her or she either came back because she had no where else to go. Rinse, lather, repeat. That’s what Darlene saw while she was “abroad.”

19. what were your character’s deepest disillusions?? in life?? what are they now??

That everything would magically be better once she turned eighteen. Darlene was fourteen years old when Elliot and Angela exited stage left. At that point, she had this fantasy that when she turned eighteen, she too would go to college, maybe live with Elliot or Angela again, and everything would go back to the way things were when they were kids. Her brother would be okay. There would be zero strain on their relationship. Elliot would be the same person he was in when he was fourteen / when he was fifteen / when he was sixteen / before he quietly started to remove himself from the home more often and gently distanced himself from Darlene, perhaps for his own sake, because he couldn’t take her with him. That she would be the same person, that she wouldn’t be this jaded, cynical adult who quakes at the thought of someone getting to know her too personally. That Angela would be the same person. 

Darlene is pretty grounded in reality. She fantasizes of a better world, certainly, but she did create some change in the world. Is that really disillusionment??

20. what were the most deeply impressive political or social, national or international, events that they experienced??

Repping the entire millennial generation here--Darlene has lived through a number of political catastrophes. 9/11, pandemics, the 2008 recession, and then she helped drive one of the biggest economic downfalls of them all with 5/9.

21. what are your character’s manners like?? what is their type of hero?? whom do they hate??

Darlene is like...make rude gestures at authority figures but tip your barista 20% every time and it’s not the end of the world if you have to wait 10 minutes for your food to come out. That pretty much sums up how she treats other people.

As for the second part of this question...it’s hard to say. She didn’t have a lot of great influences in her life. Her brother, certainly. Pre-canon and during canon, her father, but he has absolutely zero rights now. People who can look injustice in the eye and do something about it. The anarchists and the socialists. She definitely opposes celebrity culture and putting strangers on pedestals based on a public persona. So it’s hard to say.

22. who are their friends?? lovers?? ‘type’ or ‘ideal’ partner??

So Darlene very much needs people around her, because focusing on others is easier than focusing on herself, but when they get too close, she pushes them away. She doesn’t have many “friends”. She has acquaintances. She has people she sees from time to time in the same spaces. I think about the girls at the party she threw at Angela’s old place in 4x1. They’re not really friends, they clearly don’t know each other very well, but they know of each other and seem to hang out with the same circles. 

And she doesn’t have the most stable romantic relationships, either. Canonically we see her with Cisco. We know she breaks up with him when he makes her mad and then she goes back to him. She hit him with a fucking baseball bat when he was sending her photos to Dark Army. Before Cisco there was humbert, an awful and traumatic endeavor for her. I adore dom.lene but that wasn’t a relationship, and they both have a lot of their own personal shit to work on before they could even play with the idea of a relationship. 

I think Darlene’s ideal partner is someone who can match her intensity but has the ability to bring her down when she’s too intense. Someone who will call her out on her bullshit, but do it gently. Someone who brings out the best sides of her while also embracing her bad sides. Someone patient but firm. That’s a lot to ask for but Darlene is complicated and deeply flawed. At the present time, what Darlene really needs is to take a step back from everyone and focus on herself, because she is incredibly unstable in relationships and that’s simply not fair to the other person.

23. what do they want from a partner?? what do they think and feel of sex??

Again, Darlene doesn’t have the healthiest romantic relationships. She thinks she needs someone to take care of her so that’s what romantic partners are at her beck and call for. She wants someone around but only on her terms. As previously mentioned, what she really needs to do right now is take a step back and focus on herself. Go to therapy and what have you.

She enjoys sex for the most part, though obviously, that’s partner dependent. Her relationship with sex isn’t the healthiest either. It’s often used as a distraction or as a means to get her way. 

24. what social groups and activities does your character attend?? what role do they like to play?? what role do they actually play, usually??

For the lack of close friends, Darlene is a social butterfly. She enjoys clubs, parties, hackerspaces, etc. She can often be found in the center of the room dancing with a drink in hand, until she’s completely overwhelmed and screaming at everyone to get out or hiding in an empty room until she calms down. Aside from these spaces, Darlene doesn’t really have any other social groups.

As a sidenote, I thoroughly enjoy that mid-credit scene during the season 3 finale where she apparently just strikes up a conversation with a random sex worker and they have a full blown conversation about politics and money while walking back to Elliot’s apartment. Darlene is very social, she does enjoy talking to people. She simply is not comfortable with people Knowing her.

25. what are their hobbies and interests??

I was joking the other day about how Darlene needs to get more hobbies and I still stand by that. She has ballet, and she still greatly enjoys that. It’s very controlled. It forces her to focus on one thing at a time. She likes that. She’s good at it. She does enjoy gaming to an extent, though she mostly sticks to Nintendo and portable gaming because she’s constantly on the move and simply cannot be expected to carry a PlayStation in her backpack. She would probably jive with some multiplayer online games. She had a brief stint with freelance graphic design and she still enjoys graphic design. 

Darlene is big on the classic horror and sci-fi films and media. I do not think she has seen a single movie that has come out since 2005. She likes going to the movies, though. The movie theater was a comfort zone for her at one point and it still is. 

26. what does your character’s home look like?? personal taste?? clothing?? hair?? appearance??

Darlene does not have a steady place to live. She couch surfs and crashes at different friend’s places. Thinking about her apartment that she was staying in during season 3 when the FBI had eyes on her, it was...deeply depersonalized. There were no touches of Darlene in there. Even with a semi-stable place to stay, she couldn’t be bothered to decorate the place, add some of her own touches. She left Angela’s apartment as is in season 4. She has zero attachment to the spaces she stays in and treats them as temporary, just like she treats most things in life.

Darlene’s sense of style, though?? Absolutely impeccable. There is so much of Darlene in her clothing, hair, and makeup. She’s got the cool grunge look going on for her. Thrifted clothes that she alters and upcycles, boots for stomping, tastefully wild hair, and dark makeup. Darlene takes great care of her appearance. It’s the one thing she does have, the one aspect of her life that she can control. When everything else is out of her hands, at least she can have kickass winged eyeliner.

27. how do they relate to their appearance?? how do they wear their clothing?? style?? quality??

Literally just said it--Darlene’s appearance is one thing she can control and she puts quite a bit of effort into her appearance. She’s very eclectic with her clothing!! She pulls off so many looks!! I love in 1x2 where she makes a whole outfit out of clothes from Elliot’s closet and it’s probably her most iconic look to date. She rocks that old, musty looking jacket that belonged to Magda. Darlene’s clothing is largely thrifted, partly because fuck fast fashion, partly because she doesn’t have a ton of money, partly because she tends to leave clothes behind when she moves and doesn’t want to waste money on anything crazy expensive when she knows it will likely get lost in one of her many moves. She largely wears dark and neutral colors but we see her in a few bright colors. I, for one, adore that cozy looking colorful sweater she wears after the heist episode. Goes to show how she can pull off pretty much any look.

28. who is your character’s mate?? how do they relate to him or her?? how did they make their choice??

She doesn’t have one. Maybe one day Darlene will settle down but I’ve said it several times already and I will say it many more times, she is taking the time now to focus on herself. She needs to.

29. what is your character’s weaknesses?? hubris?? pride?? controlling??

Yes.

Darlene has a weird dichotomy going on, where she’s both very confident in herself while also constantly seeking validation from others. She knows what she’s doing, she knows what she needs to do, but she thinks she needs approval from others before going forward with it. She is prideful. She is controlling. She desperately needs someone else to tell her it’s okay before she will do something.

30. are they holding on to something in the past?? can he or she forgive??

The great thing about Mr. Robot (2015-2019) is that it says you don’t have to forgive your abusers. You do not owe them shit. Darlene holds onto a ton of resentment for her mother, for humbert, for her father, for many other people who have wronged her. Maybe one day she’ll be able to let go, but she sure as hell doesn’t have to forgive them for what they did and how they treated her.

31. does your character have children?? how do they feel about their parental role?? about the children?? how do the children relate??

Nope, nope, nope, nope.

32. how does your character react to stress situations?? defensively?? aggressively?? evasively??

All of the above. It depends on the situation, who’s involved, and she tends to cycle through all three. In 4x6, I think, whenever Dom has Darlene at gunpoint in the bathtub, I think about how Darlene kind of cycles through defense and aggression and evasion. She screams at Dom, tells her where to stick it, but then she cowers and cries and says, “you don’t have to do this, it’s okay, you don’t have to do this, it’s okay, it’s okay, Dom.” It’s an incredibly interesting cycle to watch. Hell, even clear back in season one, when Vera’s brother and his other goon have Darlene in their clutches. She’s very loud and aggressive until they actually have her, at which point she falls silent. Yet when Janice has her and Dom, she’s pretty openly defiant. Calls Janice a cuntstick and, once again, tells her where to stick it.

33. do they drink?? take drugs?? what about their health??

Haha yeah!! As far as drinking goes, she’s more of a social drinker than anything ( although her little flask in season one absolutely kills me, what a legend--we don’t see her drink in private after that, though ). She does use party drugs ( ecstasy, acid, etc. ) but again, only socially. I don’t think she’s dependent on cocaine in the same way Sam / the Mastermind was dependent on opiates, but it seems to be her drug of choice. She’s strung out on it a few times through the series. She likes to smoke weed, and she’s a heavy cigarette smoker.

Despite all this, Darlene’s health is weirdly pretty stable. She has awful sleeping habits and nutritional habits. She smokes cigarettes like her life depends on it. She’s definitely at least a little underweight and could stand to gain a few pounds. She catches an occasional cold and she’s maybe had the flu two or three times during her life. She doesn’t have any chronic conditions though.

34. does your character feel self-righteous?? revengeful?? contemptuous??

She sure does!! When Trenton said, “You want momentary anarchy,” she was 100% correct. Darlene is incredibly vengeful and contemptuous. Her entire reason behind fsociety and 5/9 was to get revenge on the people who killed her dad and therefore made her life a living hell. She specifically sought out Susan Jacobs’ home because Susan Jacobs was the lawyer who destroyed her family’s case against e-corp. There’s another meta here somewhere about the absolute whirlwind of emotions Darlene goes through when she learns about what an absolute scumball Edward Alderson actually was but the fact of the matter is, it was retribution for his death that she initially wanted and that’s what drove initially drove her.

35. do they always rationalize errors?? how do they accept disasters and failures??

Yes. For her sake, I think she has to. She would absolutely spiral if she couldn’t rationalize errors. Again, Darlene doesn’t have a ton of control in the things in her life, and she has to be able to rationalize that.

When thinking about the second part of this question, I think about the buildings blowing up, and I think about Elliot’s reaction to that vs. Angela’s reaction to that vs. Darlene’s reaction, or rather her lack of reaction, to that. Elliot and Angela were absolutely broken up over it and Darlene was...not. This is a revolution and sometimes people die and it’s for the greater good. It’s not ideal, but shit happens.

36. do they like to suffer?? like to see other people suffering??

Hell no, but she doesn’t really know any other way of living. She’s not always having fun but she doesn’t know what else to do with herself. 

Darlene does not like to see other people suffer. That’s precisely why she brought down ecorp, Whiterose, and the Deus group. Humanity doesn’t deserve to live in the shadows of evil rich corporations and to be controlled by a handful of the most powerful people alive. Darlene enjoys seeing those people suffer. Lowkey she had a blast fucking over Susan Jacobs the way she did. She straight up said so to Susan Jacobs’ face. 

37. how is your character’s imagination?? daydreaming a lot?? worried most of the time?? living in memories??

Darlene is clearly very creative and quick-witted, which leads me to believe she does do a lot of daydreaming. She has the drive to make those daydreams a reality, though. She desires a better world for herself and for other people, so what does she do?? Co-founds a hacktivist group, crashes the economy, and then doxxes and redistributes the wealth of the most powerful people on the planet. With that being said, she is very grounded and present. She does have one foot in the past, but most of her energy is in the now.

38. are they basically negative when facing new things?? suspicious?? hostile?? scared?? enthusiastic??

Once again, for her own sake, she has to be enthusiastic about change. Darlene’s life is constantly in motion. She’s constantly on the move, jumping from one thing to the next. Things aren’t working in the world, things need to change with the world. For as cynical as she is, Darlene does enjoy experiencing new things and she is often hopeful that things will be better this time around.

39. what do they like to ridicule?? what do they find stupid??

Anything, everything, most things. She’s mean. Big April Ludgate energy over here, honestly. Darlene never hesitates at the opportunity to absolutely decimate someone or something.

40. how is their sense of humor?? do they have one??

Very dry and deadpan and sarcastic. Sometimes it’s hard to tell when she’s joking or being serious. She’s always saying something about eating the rich and guillotining the president and she’s both joking and being very serious. I have absolutely referenced this tik tok before, spammed everyone I know with it, and I will post it again because it is pretty much PEAK Darlene’s sense of humor. She absolutely has a spoof twitter account where she just @ Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and Zuckie 24/7, I do not make the rules.

41. is your character aware of who they are?? strengths?? weaknesses?? idiosyncrasies?? capable of self-irony??

Darlene has a lot of self-awareness but she lacks the ability to make much change. She knows what her strengths are and she knows what her weaknesses are. She’s confident, but she’s prideful. She’s very sure of herself, but she craves validation from others. She makes jokes about all of her psychological dysfunction but she has very little insight into how off the rails she actually is. She knows she’s a bitch but she doesn’t care and she will remain that way, thank you very much.

42. what does your character want most?? what do they need really badly, compulsively?? what are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain??

It’s hard to say what she wants most. I do think Darlene craves stability. She’s not a stable person in really any sense of the word. At the same time, she enjoys the freedom of drifting from one place to the next. I think she wants a balance of that. The ability to do as she pleases while maintaining relationships with the people she loves. She’s only barely figuring out what she needs to do to obtain that. Therapy, for one, and actively working on her own shit, actively utilizing whatever coping mechanisms she’s taught, actively making changes to her lifestyle. She’ll eventually fall back into her ways of petty crime because she enjoys it and would rather perish than work for the man. But she wants to be able to do so without compromising her relationships anymore.

43. does your character have any secrets?? if so, are they holding them back??

Darlene keeps most things in her life a secret from others. You don’t ask, she doesn’t tell. Even if you do ask, she might not tell. It might not be as surfaced as Elliot, but Darlene is fairly paranoid herself and reveals very little about herself to others. She doesn’t own any credit cards and aside from her SSN and a driver's license, there’s little documented information on Darlene. Lord knows she’ll try and wipe her information from whatever database the FBI has.

44. how badly do they want to obtain their life objectives?? how do they pursue them??

She doesn’t have any life objectives, really. Traumatized individuals have difficulty comprehending the future and Darlene is certainly one of those people. She can’t make herself see anything more than a few weeks into the future because who knows where she’ll be in the next hour?? She very much lives in the present and takes things one day at a time. She doesn’t plan for the future, she doesn’t have any life objectives. Whatever happens happens and she doesn’t necessarily like that but again, she can’t make herself future trip.

45. is your character pragmatic?? think first?? responsible?? all action?? a visionary?? passionate?? quixotic??

Pragmatic, visionary, and passionate, yes, very much so. Think first, sometimes--there is a lot of thought, tact, and planning that has to go into programming and con work, but one has to be prepared for everything to wrong at the same time. All action?? Absolutely!! Responsible?? Fuck no. Quixotic, from time to time. Darlene’s a thinker and then she runs with what she has.

46. is your character tall?? short?? what about size?? weight?? posture?? how do they feel about their physical body??

Darlene is 5′5″ and weighs in at about 125 lbs. Average height but somewhat underweight. She’s quite petite and thin--if she wraps her hand around her wrist, she can touch her thumb to her pinky. She doesn’t have a lot of curves. She definitely has the posture of a ballerina. She holds herself very upright and the way she walks is very calculated. Her feet turn outwards slightly when she’s standing and when she walks, her steps are nearly parallel to each other. 

47. do they want to project an image of a younger, older, more important person?? does they want to be visible or invisible??

I wouldn’t say Darlene wants to project an image as being younger or older or more important. She definitely wants to come off as powerful and intelligent. Frankly, she achieves that. But she does like to remain anonymous. She doesn’t need people knowing what she’s all about. She’s fine with being underestimated because it means people are in for an even ruder surprise when she completely destroys them, and she gets a lot of satisfaction from that.

48. how are your character’s gestures?? vigorous?? weak?? controlled?? compulsive?? energetic?? sluggish?

Definitely very energetic and grand, often times erring on the side of aggressive. That’s simply a condition of Darlene’s existence. 

49. what about voice?? pitch?? strength?? tempo and rhythm of speech?? pronunciation?? accent??

Darlene is loud as fuck and good for her, honestly. She has very little volume control. Her voice can be shrill and it has the tendency to break when she’s overwhelmed or excited. She has a bit of that smoker's rasp, too. Her tempo is very controlled, though. She speaks at a pretty average pace, though she slows her speech when she’s being deliberate. There isn’t much to say in terms of an accent, though I still think it would be hilarious if she had a strong Jersey accent. There’s a lot of emotion in her voice and it fluctuates greatly.

50. what are the prevailing facial expressions?? sour?? cheerful?? dominating??

For as much as she emotes in the way she speaks, Darlene’s facial expressions are rather constricted, which is very interesting. She has a chronic case of resting bitch face and her facial expressions are rather subtle. 

[serpentlopez]

What I’ve Done

Who: Eliana, Ryan @firefightingryan (w. mention of @serpenthart)

What: Ryan visit Eli after his shift, recounts the Friday night’s events

When: Nov 9, Evening

Where: Riverdale General.

Notes: TW: mentions of overdose, rehab, child abuse

ASL = anything in bold italics 

RYAN

Ryan's shift came to an end almost as soon as it had started. Luckily, after the call to Sunnyside, once he'd gotten back from the hospital he'd actually been given a chance to eat. It wasn't as good as it would have been hot, nor was it as good as it would have been if Puck had been on shift, but he'd rather have someone looking after Sophia than better food any day of the week. 

Once he was able to leave and head home, he shot Puck a text saying he was going to take a little longer, he had an errand to run. It wasn't exactly a lie, Ryan wasn't too big on lies, he just couldn't exactly give details, not really, not under HIPAA. He swung by the hospital, just before visiting hours were over and got Eliana's room number from a nurse. Still donned in the uniform, not too many people asked questions. 

He found her room with ease and quietly knocked on the door as he opened it, leaning on the door frame. Welcome back, Hotshot, he quickly signed at her, smiling, hoping she was with it enough to catch what he was saying. He stayed where he was, not wanting to invade too much. For all he knew she couldn't even remember he was there, so might not know why he was even here at all.

ELIANA

Eliana had spent most of the day in and out. She hadn't wanted to face what happened after talking to Ale that morning. When she'd woken up that evening, she laid in bed long enough to look out the window and watch the sunset and something about watching it grow darker by the second made her feel a wave of cold fill her. The darkness reminded her too much of the night before. Though she couldn't remember much about it, having blacked out pretty early on, it was that nothingness that it reminded her of. It would be morning when she left for the rehab facility to help her through her detox so she'd asked Ale if he didn't mind getting her some clothes to wear. 

Apparently she'd been admitted in just her bra and pair of pants and that wasn't going to work for her. She wouldn't be gone too long, she kept telling herself, but there was something terrifying about it. She wasn't sure how long she sat in silence when she heard the knock at the door and found herself facing Ryan. Her lips turned up in a smile as she greeted him as she always would, back of her right hand sliding along her left cheek and then right one. Hey handsome. It was only then that she remembered what she'd been told about the previous night. Her face fell slightly. "You were there, weren't you?"

RYAN

Ryan nodded slowly. "I was," he confirmed, walking in and taking a seat next to her bed. "I was on Aid Car last night so, yeah, I was there. And you ... weren't. Not really." He shook his head. In all his years of being a firefighter, he never really ended up on a call that ended up being someone as close to him as Eliana was. Leaning back in the chair he sighed. "I'm going to be frank with you, Ellie, it was touch and go for a hot second there. Alejandro had to perform CPR while I got ready to shock you. You could have died."

ELIANA

She wished she could remember but maybe it was a blessing that she didn't. The counselor who had been in to see her had told her that some people got their memories back, and some never did. Maybe it would be better if she never got them back. Pressing her lips together when he admitted he'd been the one there, Eli lowered her eyes. She wasn't sure she could look at him. It wasn't until he mentioned that Ale had performed CPR on her. "He did what?" 

Now her stomach turned. It wasn't bad enough that she'd overdosed at his home, was taken to the hospital in the Aid Car, but he'd had to help her like that? The sound of those words - you could have died - sent a chill through her body. Eli wasn't sure she could actually ask the question so with shame shimmering in her eyes, she made quick motions to sign her question at him. Could have died, or did die?

RYAN

Ryan took another breath and signed back, both. Before she could get too confused he figured it'd be easier to speak the next part, she was probably still tired and even he wasn't perfect with his sign. "Technically, there's no coming back from proper death, brain death. But ... you went into cardiac arrest, El, and without the proper intervention, you'd be a goner. You're lucky you weren't alone when you took whatever you took to throw you over the edge ... other wise, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. And hey," he said, pausing, putting a finger under her chin so she'd meet his eyes. I'm glad you're still here.

ELIANA

Eliana swallowed the knot in her throat but it sat heavy in the pit of her stomach, almost wishing that he would have said that it was actually no big deal. That maybe Ale had overreacted. But even if she wished that, she knew that she wouldn't be here if that's all it was. She pressed her lips together, knowing that Ryan would tell her exactly what she needed to hear, all the ugly truths from the medical side. 

Looking up at him when he took her attention, Eli fought the feelings that were bubbling in her chest. She was certainly not used to feeling so much and right now she felt everything like a raw nerve being poked constantly. Lucky? she signed, Not lucky. Stupid. It sunk in -- really sunk in. Her heart stopped beating. Ale kept blood pumping while Ryan had to shock her. That was why her skin felt so raw. Very stupid she signed and then without provoking it, or fighting it, her head sunk and tears started to fall down her face.

RYAN

Stupid was an easy way to put it. But no one overdosed for fun, Ryan knew enough to know that. The smartest person in the world could do incredibly stupid things under the right, or realistically wrong, circumstances. "It might have been stupid, El, just don't go thinking that makes you stupid," he told her, grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze. "We got you back, but now's the tough part. You have to stay back. You have to stop doing whatever you were doing, figure out why you were doing that, and get some help." The road ahead of her wasn't going to be easy, he wasn't kidding about his part being the easy part.

ELIANA

Her emotions had been so all over the place that she couldn't even control it, despite how much Eli hated crying in front of anyone on a normal day. But this was far from a normal day. Wiping her face with the back of her hand, Eli tried to focus her attention across the room. How she could feel so embarrassed around someone who literally had to bring her back to life was a surprise. "I told Ale this morning that I'd go to a rehab place so I can detox. This counselor was in and I had to sign papers for it." Sniffling, Eli shook her head, "I was just trying to have fun. It took away all my bad feelings." It took away more than that, a small voice in her head told her. Thank you, she signed, "for saving my life." I just hope it's worth it, she thought but didn't say.

RYAN

Always. Ryan signed back at her with a comforting smile. Even if it wasn't his actual job to make sure she'd made it to the hospital, he would have done it. Eliana was one of few people who picked up sign language after meeting him, despite that he could communicate mostly verbally, given he had his hearing aids in, without complications. But no, the stubborn woman in front of him, the Hotshot, decided she'd learn and she'd gotten pretty good. He didn't like hearing that she'd had to turn to cocaine to deal with "bad feelings". That ... rubbed him the wrong way. Not being able to help the slight frown on his face, he watched her face closely as he spoke. "What's going on, El? What kind of bad feelings had you running towards coc-..drugs?"

ELIANA

There weren't many people who knew about her past, those dirty little secrets that she had spent the better part of the past ten years trying to push down and hide. Ale had found out after she woke up from a nightmare, screaming and sweating. He'd held her and she broke down, telling him everything. But aside from him, Eli hadn't told anyone until recently. She'd told Charlie in the heat of an argument, and only told Puck to keep from telling him anything else. She stared at Ryan and her stomach clenched. If she told him, would he look at her the way she expected people to look at her - like she was dirty, and damaged. Especially now. She'd been too weak to fight her father and his friends, too weak to take Aidan out, too weak to fight off Derek when his hands were choking her out. And now.. she'd crossed a line with Pastor Wilde. Kitty was right. She was a whore.

Lowering her gaze to the blanket, Eli picked at a thread. "I um.." Could she tell him? Could she stand seeing the look of disgust on his face? Ryan was one of those legitimately good people and for some reason, he didn't see her as South Side Serpent trash, no matter how many times over the years she'd flirted with him shamelessly as she was one to do with most people. But her head was telling her that maybe saying it to Ryan would be easier than saying it to a stranger, to some counselor after her detox. "I wasn't trying to kill myself," she said, struggling against the words. "That counselor asked me like, five times, and I don't want you to think that--" She took a breath, "Do you remember how I told you that I used to live in New York with my family? And I ran away about ten years ago, came to Riverdale, and started over?"

RYAN

Ryan could see the wheels turning in Eliana's head and he let her do her thing. As much as he wanted her to come talk about whatever was really going on, he wasn't about to push it. They were friends, yeah, but he wasn't Alejandro and he wasn't Puckerman and he wasn't one of her Serpent buddies. He was just ... him. But, he hoped she knew that that meant that he could take whatever she might have to say without bias of this side or that side, this gang or that one. When she told him she hadn't been trying to kill herself, he paused. He hadn't even thought about it being a suicide attempt, and maybe that was bad on him. He didn't think he could ever see Ellie killing herself, even after this mess. 

He hushed her, kindly, hopefully just letting her know that he couldn't think that if he wanted to. Ryan nodded, he remembered that vaguely. They didn't typically talk about her past, or all that much about his that wasn't strictly work related, rescue or crazy fire stories. He wasn't exactly sure they were that kind of friends, which was fine. But, if she was bringing it now, that obviously meant something. "Yeah," he replied. "You might have to bring me up to speed again, I think it's been a while, but that rings a bell. Something in your past coming to haunt you lately?"

ELIANA

Every word that she started to speak made her heart race and she wasn't sure she could do this. But thankfully he worded things in a way that made it easy for her to just nod her head. Maybe details were a little too much right now. And even as she opened her mouth to talk, she had a small voice in her head tell her that he might even know her father. He was the CEO and Chief of Surgery at this hospital, after all. She swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. 

My father, she started, signing because it was easier than speaking it out loud. He was a bad guy. He let his friends-- But then she stopped, not sure how to sign the rest. A brief confusion crossed her face to try and remember but she wasn't sure she ever learned it. "--have me," she finished in a quick breath, deciding to rip it off like a bandaid. "I've.. always felt.. helpless," Eli said as she looked down. "A bunch of things have happened lately that kind of.. made me feel that way again." She swat angrily at a dumb tear that slipped out of her eye. "I didn't feel that way anymore when I got high. It went away, made me feel.. I don't know.. fearless, I guess."

RYAN

Ryan watched attentively as she signed, and even when she paused, he had an idea of what she was going to say. As calm and steady as he'd told himself he was going to be, he couldn't help shaking his head at the mention of such a disgusting act. Who could do that to their child? He looked at the woman in front of him and his heart sank. The shame was so evident, shame that didn't belong with her. Carefully, not wanting to cause alarm or panic, he placed his hand on the side of her head. "You are anything but helpless, Hotshot. You came back to us, with a little help, sure, but you came back." He caught another tear with his thumb and placed his hand back down with hers, not wanting to make her uncomfortable in any way. "A healthy amount of fear keeps us safe, El. I'd hate to see that taken away from you."

ELIANA

If she hadn't been so embarrassed about what she'd told him, Eliana might have been a little more focused on the fact that's she'd actually told him. Of course she left some things out. Left out how young she'd been, what they did, or how her father would usually stand by the door to make sure his friends were happy with her. And she completely left out the fact that when she tried to stop it from happening, he'd hit her, made her bleed, and that her mother ignored the bruises. But everything was built up behind her strong facade and she knew that she was a liar. She wasn't a bad ass like she pretended. She wasn't strong. She was broken and useless. She hadn't been able to protect herself back then, she couldn't protect Charlie or Dare, or the kids. She couldn't protect any of them from Derek. What good was she aside from getting high and having sex? 

A small smile crossed her lips, forced as it was, when he said she'd come back because it didn't feel like it. It felt like they just hadn't let her go. "Well," she said at the mention of fear, "I feel plenty of it now. The counselor kept telling me the next couple days are going to be really hard. What if.." Eli stopped herself but she needed to know, "What if I can't do it?"

RYAN

Ryan shrugged, making an over exaggerated thinking face, one he's probably used on Sophia too many times to count. "You don't really have much choice, do you?" He asked her. "You either get through this, as tough as it's going to be, knowing you're not alone. Or, there's the other option and you don't get through it and you're scared and in pain and being reckless and hurting people for the rest of your life. And I only see one option here." The more he spoke, the more he needed her to believe it. It was clear she had to work through a lot, had to find a reason to do that, because it was going to be hard. You are strong, he signed to her slowly, even though he knew she'd get it. "Plus, I'd hate to see all my hard work go to waste, helping you come back and all."

ELIANA

When he said the part about hurting other people, it struck a chord within her. Ale had been there for her since she got to Riverdale. They'd been there for each other, working on cars, laughing, leaning on each other. Her life had always made so much sense when they were together. And then to hear that he'd done CPR on her -- that she'd forced him into that position. Yet he was still here. Still sitting with her, still holding her hand, it meant more to her than anything. And maybe that's what she needed to remember if this week really was going to be as hard as she was told it would. 

Eli wasn't so much sure she believed that she was strong but the fact he told her made a difference, to know someone as good as Ryan thought something like that about her. "I'd never want to waste your hard work," she said in a slightly playful tone even though she didn't feel it all. Her heart already ached for what she was going to ask him. "Ry.. can you tell me everything? I--I think I need to hear it, and hear what I put him through." She hadn't said Ale's name but she knew he knew. She needed the ugly details to hold onto and remind herself why she was going through detox when it got hard.

RYAN

Normally, Ryan would have probably declined her request. People shouldn't know exactly what they went through, especially if their body, or their friends, had decided to leave them a little fuzzy on the details. But he also knew Eliana and that despite how she was probably feeling right now, she was tough as nails and she probably did need to know for herself, he certainly had once he'd awoken from his lifesaving surgery. "Well, for one, your call interrupted my third attempt at the dinner Miller had made, so thanks for that," Ryan teased, knowing starting light was the best way to go in the moment. "But the call came in a little before midnight, we knew it was an overdose but obviously, going in, I didn't know it was you. Alejandro was a mess, but everyone's focus was on you and I swear, not three seconds into me trying to evaluate you, you seized, which wasn't helping him," Ryan knew that Eliana would know exactly what him he was referring to, "stay calm at all. But he stayed. He stayed and he held your hand and we kept you from hurting yourself or choking. Then, you kinda came to, but I have a feeling you don't remember that, which is normal. Got you loaded in the rig to bring you here and you coded. Because Alejandro knew how to do chest compressions, I didn't have to get Wilson to pull over and help me out when I got everything ready to give you the shock you needed." Ryan took a breath. It wasn't too often he recounted calls with anyone other than his crew so he figured stopping there was good enough. She didn't need numbers or jargon, but she needed to know how her actions had affected someone she'd loved. She needed a wake up call, and she seemed to know that, so he was going to do his best to give that to her. "If he'd been any less okay, you might not be here, Hotshot. Remember that."

ELIANA

Eliana appreciated him trying to make this a little easier, and all that did was tell her just how little she was going to like what he had to say. "Well, we both know I'm awful with timing." For instance, it had taken her way too long to realize she even had feelings let alone had them for Ale. She was pretty sure her friends knew before she did. She listened, feeling an unknowable ache settle inside of her as she played the moments out in her head. She hadn't even remembered midnight, her last memory of hours before, of a club with bright lights and free drinks. The pretty girls always got free drinks. And the drugs. Her cocaine, someone else's pills, the mixture taking her higher than she'd felt before it all went black. 

Her gaze averted from his face when he said she'd seized and how Ale reacted. He'd held onto her the whole time. That's why she hadn't gone, she thought. He hadn't let her go. Her eyes closed when he said she'd come to - none of that in her memories at all. But she could picture it. Especially after all that. Especially before her heart stopped. It was such a strange thing to say. Her heart stopped. He'd had to help keep her alive, God, what kind of monster was she? To put someone who had always taken such good care of her through all of this.

Nodding at his final words, Eli looked back up at him and everything weighed on her heavily. She reached up, wiped her eyes, and then pressed her head back against the pillow. "Thank you," she said, and somehow deep down she knew that she'd make it through this week, no matter how hard it was, if only to show Ale everything he'd done was worth it, that keeping her alive hadn't been a mistake. Eli didn't know how to make it up to him but she'd find a way. Somehow.

RYAN

The conversation was a heavy one and Ryan could see how it was affecting Eliana. Seeing her cry was a little bit of a trip, but that being said, he’d probably be more concerned if she wasn’t crying right about now. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss on her forehead, giving her shoulder a quick squeeze. “Don’t worry about it, El,” he replied as he sat back down and shot her a small smile. “All that matters now is that you get better. I did the leg work to keep you alive, now this is your marathon.”

ELIANA

"You sure you don't want to do it for me?" She asked, the nervous building inside of her. She was afraid of what this week was going to hold but thinking back to the conversation she had with Ale that morning kept replaying in her mind. At the end of it, she saw his face, the one that looked like he'd seen a ghost, and she knew she needed to do this. For herself, sure, but also for him. "I'm leaving in the morning," she said. "But the counselor told me it should only be a couple days. Hopefully I'll be home soon." Looking at the door when she heard footsteps, she waited to see if it was Ale but the steps went past the door. "He should be back any minute. I don't know why when he could just cut off the excess baggage but.. it means a lot that he stayed with me. After what I did to him."

RYAN

Ryan smirked at her comment. Truth be told, if he could do it for her, he would. Recovering from a life altering instance was hard enough, that he knew, but this would be more. “You will,” he nodded. “You’re tough as nails, whether you believe that or not right now.” He noticed her glance towards the hallway, clearly waiting for Alejandro to return, and he didn’t know if that was his cue to take off or not. “He’ll be back because that’s what you do for the people you love, El.”

ELIANA

Eli was going to argue because love wasn't one of those words you just drop, especially in this situation, and even moreso after everything she'd put Ale through. That wasn't something anyone could feel for a person as monumentally fucked up as she was. But the energy to fight wasn't there. Instead she just nodded and lay her head back on the pillow because even though all the confusion and second guessing, all the wanting and hoping, it all came down to one simple thing that she'd never admitted to anyone much less herself. 

She was capable of love, and she did love. She loved very much and she'd just hurt the person she had those feelings for. If he'd come back for her, she'd come back for him too. That's just what you do. Thank you, she signed, almost too exhausted from everything to want to talk out loud anymore. For saving her. For being her friend. For believing she would get through this -- for everything. Then Eli smiled softly and tried to let her body relax. She had a feeling the upcoming week was going to be anything but relaxing.

[mariolucario493]

STUFF I WANT IN A BANJO-KAZOOIE REMAKE (IF THERE IS ONE)

So as you are probably aware, Banjo and Kazooie have finally made it into Super Smash Bros. This is a huge accomplishment, as they have been absent from Nintendo for years. But this begs the question - will we be getting a proper new Banjo title in the near future? I certainly hope so, but before that, it would be nice to see the original games re-released on current consoles.

Now the question is how they would do this. Would they just re-release the original games with slightly updated graphics like they did on XBLA? That seems like the safer option. But maybe they’ll go the interesting route and remake the whole games from scratch. Given that we live in a time where everyone seems to be capitalizing on 90′s nostalgia, the latter seems like a possibility. But I’m not here to complain about Disney’s live-action remakes. Besides, with video games, remakes seem to be quite faithful to the originals. We’ve gotten DS/3DS remakes of Mario 64, Star Fox 64, Ocarina of Time, Majora’s Mask, and maybe some others I can’t think of. Pokemon has remade generations before as well. And of course, the remake of Link’s Awakening looks promising. Even Rare has gotten in on it before - remember Conker: Live and Reloaded? True, a lot of the original developers left Rare to form Playtonic, but maybe the two companies could joint develop it - as long as Microsoft gives everyone complete creative control, of course.

So let’s say they do go this route and completely remake the original two games. It shouldn’t just be the same game but in HD. There are some things I’d like them to improve upon from the N64.

First of all, they definitely should keep the changes they did with XBLA - that is, making notes permanently collectible. No one wants to get PTSD from Rusty Bucket Bay. Admittedly, this might make finding the last few notes more difficult, but it’s probably still better than dying with 99 notes. Or what if the notes do not reset if you die, but they do reset if you leave the level? That way, if you’re having trouble finding the last note, you can just reset. Maybe there could also be a special reward for finding all 900. Yes, there is that last door that requires 882 notes and doubles your health, but maybe something else. There’s already a reward for getting all 100 Jiggies in Mumbo teaching you about some of the Stop n’ Swop items.

And speaking of Stop n’ Swop, let’s talk about that. The limited technology of the time meant they weren’t able to implement the idea of transferring items from one game to another during the N64 era. Now they did manage to do that for the XBLA re-releases, but there were still a few flaws that I saw. In the N64 version of Banjo-Tooie, you had to essentially find the Stop n’ Swop items again. In the XBLA version, if you got them in BK, you would have them in BT from the start of the game. But the problem is that the secret areas were still there, just empty. If you had no idea what was supposed to be there, you’d be confused as to why these secret caves exist. So I think they should combine the two ideas. By that I mean, have the secret areas in BT empty normally, but have the secret items show up there once you get them in BK. Maybe include a sign in the secret areas that gives a hint like “Return to the Sandcastle and enter the following code.” If both games were bundled together, it would make the transfer of data even easier. Though the issue there was that the N64 version of BT only had the Ice Key and three of the six eggs. The developers would have to come up with places to hide the last three eggs in BT. But I think they could do that.

It would also be cool if there was a multiplayer mode. Banjo-Tooie had multiplayer minigames, but maybe they could add some to Banjo-Kazooie as well. Specifically, I’d like to see a multiplayer version of Grunty’s Furnace Fun. It would either be a race to the end or just competing for points.

One thing Yooka-Laylee was missing was world maps. Pretty much every 3D game nowadays has a way to bring up an overhead map of the area. But a combination of no maps and everything looking the same made Yooka-Laylee’s worlds difficult to navigate. So yes, there needs to be a map of each world. And that map should highlight certain areas such as the start area, Mumbo’s hut, all the Bottles/Jamjars locations (once you find them, of course), warp pads, etc. And there could also be an option to place beacons. You know, where you put a dot on the map and a light appears in the sky to guide you there. Admittedly, this would be difficult to implement in more cavernous levels like Clanker’s Cavern or Glitter Gulch Mine, so the beacon idea might not be possible. Also, for some maze-like sub areas like Targitzan’s Temple, maybe the map should not be accessible until you complete everything in the area. That way, you can still feel like you’re exploring.

One thing Yooka-Laylee actually did right (once it was patched, of course) was fixing the auto-scrolling text. Pretty much every game has the text pause until you press a button to advance it, but not BK or BT for some reason. You could still hold down the button to make the text scroll faster, but tap it to advance to the next sentence.

And now let’s talk about the toughest thing that I’d like to see changed for this hypothetical remake - that being the comedy. As timeless as these games are, I will admit that there are a few moments that clearly stand out as being a product of the 90′s. Certain jokes might not be acceptable today. Now I love all the fourth wall jokes and subtle adult innuendos, and they should definitely keep those. What I am concerned about is a couple of the characters that are obvious stereotypes. Take for example, Rubee, the snake charmer in Gobi’s Valley. Despite only being part of one Jiggy mission, this character seems to suffer from the same Indian stereotypes that Apu from The Simpsons suffered from.  With his overly large turban and strange way of speaking, he seems like he could use an update. Now how would they do that? My idea? Make him an animal. Perhaps an elephant, like Taj from Diddy Kong Racing. This could also fit his role as a snake charmer, as he could play his trunk like a flute.

There’s also Jolly Roger and Merry Maggie, who seem to be cheap shot at gay stereotypes. Jolly speaks in a very camp voice and makes those hand gestures. Maggie is implied to be a transvestite; and if I remember correctly, Kazooie reacts with disgust when she sees her. Again, we might have to change them up a little. I’m not sure how we would do that, but definitely start by making them more than just one-dimensional stereotypes.

But perhaps the most awkwardly stereotypical character in the Banjo games is Humba Wumba. Native American stereotypes seem to be one of the most controversial out there. The problem with Humba is that she is a much more important character than Jolly or Rubee. She appears in every level of the second game, and her transformations are essential for getting many of the Jiggies. Mumbo also seems to be based on the stereotypical tribal African witch doctor, but again, he is at least non-human enough for that to be acceptable. Humba, on the other hand, is definitely human. And she wears that stereotypical buckskin outfit and feather headdress, and she speaks in broken English Tonto-style, and her theme music includes that war cry that isn’t even a real thing. Now I personally am as white as white can be (at least I think I am, but I’m not about to sent a DNA sample to one of those ancestry sites so they can sell it to the government), so I’m not exactly the best person to talk to about how to write a Native American character. On top of that, Humba seems to just be there for sex appeal. Yes, I’ll admit, I had a few fantasies about her giant polygonal tits growing up. She’s definitely at least more attractive then the fairies in Ocarina of Time. Now for all its faults, Nuts and Bolts did redesign Humba to be a little less of a stereotype. In that game, she wears a more contemporary outfit and has a more realistic figure. It’s not perfect, but it’s a good start. Theoretically, Humba could work if they were more tongue-in-cheek about how insensitive she is. Like have Kazooie make a snarky remark about how the 90′s were a simpler time. If there ever is a completely new Banjo game, they could cut her out altogether; but in the event of a re-release, she is an integral part of Banjo-Tooie.

It was also kind of surprising back in 1998-2000 to see an E-rated game this violent. And I’m not talking about the goofy slapstick either. Both Clanker in Clanker’s Cavern and Lord Woo Fak Fak in Jolly Roger’s Lagoon visibly bleed. How many times do you see blood in an E-rated game? Yeah, they might have to change that. For Clanker, since he’s mostly mechanical, you could replace the bloody parts of his body with rust. And as for Fak Fak, you could just change the color of the blood like you did with Ganondorf. Which would actually be realistic, since red light doesn’t travel that far in water, so red things such as blood often appear greenish-yellow when you’re hundreds of feet below the water’s surface. Of course, Kazooie should still stay red no matter what.

There’s a few other things that might be seen as insensitive, like the child abuse that Boggy’s kids face, or the lady with the watermelons at the end of BK. But as much as some of those jokes seem mean-spirited, I actually think it would be better to keep most of them. I don’t see a game as goofy as Banjo-Kazooie beginning with a serious disclaimer about stereotypes like they put at the start of all those Looney Tunes compilation DVD’s, but the developers should definitely tread lightly if they want to keep the spirit of the original games without offending anyone. We may end up with an E10 or even a T rating, but it would be worth it. But this is Tumblr, after all, and being offended is like a national pastime here.

Just a few months ago, a new Banjo game seemed like a pipe dream. But with what we saw at E3, we might just get it. Either way, the kids of today deserve a chance to experience what we grew up with. But what else would you like to see in a Banjo-Kazooie/Tooie remake or a new game altogether?

[drnucleus]

I don’t know what to expect from IX. I’m really hoping it is endgame and they don’t just drop the romance angle, but it’s also kind of what I’m expecting? Like I don’t expect follow-through from it, even though I would love it if it happened

Hi Nonnie, 

I totally get it. I understand that completely. Do I think it’s endgame? Yes. 

However am I going into IX with any expectations? NOPE. I’m a fandom granny. No seriously I have lived through so many fandoms that I simply go in with no expectations. That way if what I think might happen if even in some small way happens then I will be super happy and overjoyed and if it doesn’t I am usually able to divorce myself from my disappointment and respect the creator’s vision.

As a writer and someone who was professionally trained to do so, I know that creators have a vision. They have an endgame in mind. And they drop breadcrumbs about it from the beginning and if you’re clever enough to see them you usually can figure out any story. 

This is why I ruin police procedurals for my mom. My dad and I made a game of it watching Law and Order as a kid growing up (and I mean OG Law and Order with Det. Lenny Briscoe). Whomever could figure out who committed the murder first won. We used to keep a running tally. My dad was really good at it, but when I got really into reading and started reading mystery novels and horror novels and other stories that rely heavily on mystery boxes I started getting better at it. We also watched Law and Order because my two actor 2nd cousins have been guest stars as defense lawyers idk how many times but that’s neither here nor there.

And tbh ESB’s twist of Vader as Luke’s father came as such a shock because IDK if even Lucas really knew he was going to do it until he did it. Luckily the story was vague enough in ANH that a throw away line about certain points of view was enough to close what could have been a crippling plot hole. 

My mom is an OG Star wars fan. Mostly bc she loves the pew pew and the lightsaber battles, and secondly because Harrison Ford is a very handsome and talented man (tbh my first crush was Han Solo and second was Indy).

My mom was there when everyone was UP IN ARMS about Leia and Luke kissing. And how that was SOOOOOO going to be endgame. Which originally Lucas had intended that Leia would be a love interest for Luke and that the twin sister would be revealed in 7, 8 and 9 someday. However during writing ROTJ and filming ESB he decided to really hone in on Leia and Han’s chemistry (granted Irving was directing then) but he made the narrative choice to make Leia the sister and Han her love interest. It simultaneously elevated Leia’s narrative importance and made her the leading lady of her own story on equal footing to her equally powerful twin brother instead of just being Luke’s sidekick love interest.

Even when I was a KID and I saw ESB it always kind of made me laugh that Leia’s response to Han goading her about liking him was to smack lips with the only other humanoid male in the room just to prove how NOT smitten she was with Han. (AND if that doesn’t make her simultaneously Padme and Anakin’s child I don’t know what will convince you otherwise).

TPM came out when was was 13 and a half which will be 20 yrs ago next May - HOLY FUCK. And I’ve been an avid reader since I could read so I had gobbled up countless numbers of books by then. I was in the theater with my parents and legit held my hand up over Ian’s eyes and gasped and tugged on my mom’s sleeve. 

“Mom that’s THE EMPEROR” and she was like “No honey he’s just a senator who’s now chancellor of the republic”

And this was still in the age of Dial-up internet and no IMDB. So I did my own digging and found our VHS copies of the OT and looked at the cast listing at the end of the movie. And saw the same name playing the Emperor as the man playing Senator-Chancellor Sheev Palpatine. Now the movies in the OT never actually say the Emperor’s real name. He’s just the shadowy, scary Emperor with lightning bolts shooting out of his hands. So like we knew in TPM that Palpy was going to become the emperor. Now say what you will about the Prequels but Lucas did do a fair bit of narrative arc planning with it than what he threw together with the OT. 

He knew we had to meet Anakin as a boy, see him as a caring and compassionate individual who is uniquely gifted in the Force. And that had circumstances been different he would have probably been the paragon force sensitive and balanced the force. However due to realistic flaws of all characters, good and bad alike, including flaws within Anakin’s character himself he falls prey to the darkside and it’s temptations and then becomes the very thing he feared.

Tbh next to TLJ, ROTS is right up there with ESB as my favorite in the saga. Sure the dialogue is wooden and clunky. Lucas is not a dialogue director. He’s a vision director. He has a scene in his mind, and he wants it played like that. Which is fine. He also came from a school of thought in the 1970s where sci-fi was pure camp and overdramatic. His style never really changed. The OT is so lauded because he didn’t direct all of them. He had other people come in and he had script doctoring and his first wife in the editing room taking his vision and turning it into a cohesive narrative. We seem to forget that Lucas was a young dude right out of film school when he made ANH. He barely knew how to string a narrative together and the early cuts of ANH were terrible and nowhere near what people saw in the theater. Don’t believe me? Google “how star wars was saved in the editing room” it’s a remarkable story about how Lucas’s first wife and principal editor basically made ANH into an actual story instead of a mish mash of ideas that it was before. The prequels had Lucas at the helm for all three. Yes by then he had gotten a hold of narratively what he wanted to convey, but he still didn’t always convey it in the most efficient ways.

But there are moments in the prequels that I’m stunned by their perfection. “This is how liberty dies? With thunderous applause.” as Padme watches in horror as the Republic becomes an empire before her eyes. It’s perfect to convey the horror she feels and her disgust at what the thing she’s fought for so long to just crumble and slip away. 

Or the entirety of the Anakin v. Obi Wan Mustafar battle. Visually STUNNING, and heartbreaking. You can feel how much neither of them want to fight the other but how they both are so entrenched in their now opposite ideologies that they know they have to fight. 

I’ve also been a fan of JJ’s for a long time. 

Sure he loves mystery boxes but he usually makes the answer SO obvious that most people ignore it. 

Like on Lost which I never actually watched save for maybe a few episodes, it’s pretty clear that something metaphysical is going on in that island with the crash. And there are clues dating back to the pilot as to what happened in the finale. 

In TFA we’re introduced to Rey. We’re given a mystery box of who is Rey and why is she important and who is her family. But we’re also given the answer. She’s no one. And that’s why she’s important. She is no one. She doesn’t need to have this huge galactic sized legacy on her shoulders to be important, to be special. SHE IS NO ONE. And that’s why the Force chose her as its vessel. 

Reason why is that she’s narratively the perfect foil for her counterpart Ben Solo/Kylo Ren. He has all that legacy and weight on his shoulders. They’re equals in power in strength, in light and darkness. They are complete equals. And TFA was all about establishing that fact. Now TLJ was all about deepening that initial connection. To get them both to scratch beneath the surface of one another, and get under one another’s skin. In doing so Ben learned that Rey just wants to belong, to be loved and have a place in the galaxy. And Rey, she learned that Ben is just as lonely, but has rejected his birthright because he felt rejected and abandoned by those who should have unconditionally loved and protected him from Snoke (which granted OT Trio tried but they def didn’t have great parenting examples either sooooo).

Now as an adult Ben is bitter, full of resentment and rage because the people he should have been able to count on fucked up royally. And I love that. I resonate with it because of my own experiences as an abuse survivor too. But even more so because it makes Han, Leia and Luke less perfect legends and more human. It makes them real and relatable that they tried to do everything right by their kiddo but ended up fucking him up.  Luke’s betrayal itself was the least shocking part of TLJ tbh. Like does no one remember him going ABSOLUTELY banana balls insane when Vader threatened Leia in ROTJ?

That kind of Skywalker level extra doesn’t just go away with age. 

And yeah Ben needed someone in the fam to be like “so kid, um, lets talk about this.” No one in the OT Trio is good at talking about their feelings. Luke tries to control his by just not dealing with it - the kind of thing you’d expect from a “pray the depression away” type. Leia ignores it and bottles that shit until it comes out as thinly veiled anger. And Han is the most ridiculous of the three with his constant hot and cold routine throughout ESB.

The ST is yes about the failures of the OT trio, the failures of the Jedi and the Sith. But it’s also a story about the force and it’s two chosen vessels. A girl from nowhere and the last scion of the Skywalker line. The fact that their connections in TLJ are coded as sexual awakenings is very indicative of where I think this is all going to go. The Force is basically the Skywalker Patriarch if we’re going on the whole immaculate conception with Shmi. And Ben fell from his path for years now thanks to the other Skywalkers falling from the path and inadvertently pushing him down the rabbit hole with Snoke, manipulating everything like a master of puppets. 

JJ himself even said he was upset that he didn’t get to direct TLJ because he loved Rian’s script so much. 

I have faith we’re going to get a hell of a finish to the 9 film Skywalker saga. With Reylo as endgame or not I think we’re going to get something truly satisfying that links all 9 movies together in a way that will have meta writers writing for years to come about all the parallels and thematic Leitmotifs within the narrative as a whole that encompasses technically 4 generations of Skywalkers (Shmi, Anakin, Luke/Leia, and Ben).

When Ben killed Han in TFA and you get that focused in shot of Adam’s face as the weight of what he just did HITS him and his eyes widen and his lips part, you see the exact moment he shatters his soul realizing that he just seriously fucked up. I leaned over to my best friend that night in the midnight showing and said “do you smell redemption arc?” and I’ve been on that train from day one. 

If he were truly irredeemable he wouldn’t have split his spirit to the bone by killing his father. He wouldn’t have cared to try to convince Rey to be her teacher in the middle of their battle. He wouldn’t care that Rey stares at him like she did that night and call him a monster. A real monster wouldn’t care at being called one. And is so very shook and pained by that moniker with his lower lip quiver and his eyes red rimmed. If he were truly irredeemable he wouldn’t have killed his master just to save the girl, he’d have just usurped power and shrugged her off instead of trying to convince her to stay with him. He wouldn’t have addressed her fear and insecurity of being nothing and no one while shaking his head and saying “but not to me”. If he were truly a monster he would have pulled the damn trigger when his had the bridge of the Raddus in his sights but couldn’t because he felt his mother’s love for him even after everything he’s done.

Has he done terrible things? YES. He definitely has. But he has the equal potential for amazing things as much as he has for the terrible things he’s done. And I for one will be happy to see him begin to even slightly embrace that potential by the end of ep 9. Reylo or no Reylo I’m sure I’m going to be happy with ep 9. There’s no way Adam and so many other brilliant actors would have signed on without at least knowing where this is all gonna go. Adam himself was hesitant to take on the burden of SW but was convinced to do so because of the complexity of Ben’s character. That to me says we’re getting something amazing in ep9. And I can’t wait.

[mywebfoot]

Happy Endings in Age of Youth 2. Even Song Ji Won.

Age of Youth 2 completes the stories of the Belle Epoque girls, and gives them all the fairy tale happy endings they needed from Season 1.  I know, I know, there’s Song ji Won, but let’s save her for last.

Yoon Jin Myung – In almost all of Season 1, and about halfway through Season 2, we see Jin Myung be the slave to her work she’s always been. Her story in Season 1 was about the unfairly difficult life she led, trying to make enough money to support her invalid brother and her mother as the brother’s caretaker.  Towards the end, she’s given an unhappy escape in the form of her brother’s longed-for death. She had withdrawn socially, and her laser focus on her work was only reluctantly penetrated by Chef’s insistence on loving her.   In Season, her story continues, and her refusal to engage in anyone that doesn’t promote gaining money continues. Her coldness toward Heimdal, despite his puppy dog appeal to her, showed that if nothing were to change about her approach to the world, she would be destined to live an isolated existence. However, her happy ending arrives in the form of breaking out of this shell.  Episode 11, as difficult as it was to watch, was her inflection point – she decided she cares after all, and she is not going to live the rest of her bonus  years holding back on taking care of the people she wants to take care of, regardless of how much it costs her. This last is the most important takeaway,  and it’s beautifully illustrated in the tiny, seemingly insignificant moment where she offers, uncharacteristically, to buy ice cream for the girls. And oh, she has a new younger brother (dongsaeng) who happily calls her Noona. If that’s not a fantastical fairy tale ending, what is?

Jung Ye Eun was abused terribly in Season 1, and at the start of Season 2, we see her living out the realistic consequences of that abuse in the form of active PTSD.  She has episodes of anxiety and she fears everything. Additionally, we are given to know that this pattern of abuse in her life has always been there, in the form of an unreasonably demanding mother who held her to unnatural standards, and basically made her hate herself, long before Go Doo Young entered her life.   In Season 2, Ye Eun gets nothing less than her gladiator moment, not once, not twice, but three times! She gets to overcome an attacker with her taser, she gets to see realize that she need not be in battle with her eating, and most of all she gets to speak up to that group of cold fishes who are her relatives. Through it all she’s surprisingly resilient, falling down, shaking, crying, but always recovering with a little bit more confidence in her eyes. She keeps bouncing back, and the end of Season 2 leaves one left with the sense that she’s well on her way to learning to love her true self, the most important thing she could do for her recovery.

Yoo Eun Jae. Oh, Eun Jae. She dumped Jong Yeol (sunbae), because he wasn’t giving her what she wanted in a relationship. In Season 1, she probably had the happiest ending, so this season Writer-nim had to throw her down the shit hole for her to have an Even Happier Ending. So Eun Jae went through every single phase of grief, and even rehashed some of them for good measure – depression, denial, anger, acceptance and bargaining. It was painful to watch, and although writer-nim tried to inject humour into her situation, it mostly fell flat. Maybe it was the actress, maybe it was the writing, or the directing, who knows...but it stunk.  Yeah. Anyway, back to the character’s story. You know what they say about relationships, don't you? Each one is a learning experience, helping you know more about yourself, so that you know better what you want the next time round.   What’s her Happy Ending? Freedom. The cycle of grief was broken, and she became free, free to pick again, free to pick better, and free to find the man who meets her expectations of what a relationship should be.

Jo  Eun (General Jo). What a simple story hers was. She met a guy, she found love when she thought she was unloveable. It’s a good, uncomplicated story, and provided much of the feel good in this drama, which was sorely needed whenever the undertone of dark that is Age of Youth’s trademark threatened to take over the entire show.

Even shorter is Kang Yi Na’s happy ending. She’s a successful businesswoman. Done. 

Song Ji Won. At the end of Season 1, viewers were complaining that Song Ji Won got no character development. Hints of a mysterious psychological plague were dropped, but it isn’t until Season 2 that we got her back story. In spades. Just like the shoes in the cupboard in Season 1, the poison pen letter that led to Jo Eun’s introduction to Belle Epoque drove the story forward. One after another, the girls asked themselves – what have I done to deserve this amount of hate directed at me? It’s a sad question, but this shows seems to say that part of growing up is to realize that one can’t go through life without encountering hate. The important question is: What do you do in response? The question matures the girls by forcing them to reflect, and finally pushes them to promote what love they can. Jin Myung realizes her protective isolation means she hurts others by not meeting their needs. Eun Jae realizes the nastiness her ‘friend’ subjected her to had some roots in her own refusal to deal with the true source of pain in her life. Jo Eun’s reflection yielded some deep realizations about her doomed relationship with Ye Ji. For Ji Won, the true target of the poison pen letter, we see that her obsession with sex, her perennial lying, her need to be strangely shallow – it all comes from the guilt and trauma of seeing her childhood friend sexually abused. Early in the season we saw that she literally draws a blank when trying to think of her ideal man. To cope with the extensive pain of what she witnessed, her brain had sealed the horror behind a brick wall - invisible, untouchable, and if left alone, never to be healed. Her inability to see Sung Min as anything other than a friend was not because she had friend-zoned him, it was because her mind had cut her off from all sexual thinking except in the coarsest, most fantastical and unreal sense. Hence, her fascination with kink, and with men in the abstract, but never in the particular. Paradoxically, this fascination never let her get into a real sexual relationship. Even her dressing reflected this stunted womanhood – that’s why she dresses like a child who raided her mothers’ closet. So why do I say she got her happy ending? Well, the brick wall was broken into.  She remembered. She got to do something about it, which is empowering. And somewhere in there, she got in touch with her long-repressed sexuality.   Did she have a happy ending? The story says that yes, she does, despite the fact that we leave her at the end of Season 2 to live 8 short years more. A short life, tragically cut off by enemies she made in her pursuit of truth. She left a daughter, and the love of her life, Sung Min, behind.

But think for a moment how much life she must have squeezed into those 8 years. In that short epitaph, told in the form of two brief epilogues, we learnt that before she died, Ji Won had a wonderful lover, her beloved’s child and a career she loved, spent offending people who deserved to be exposed. Woman, mother, worker – lived to the fullest. Ji Won was destined to be a bright star, flaring as she fell, entrancing the world, and dying out quickly, so that her image was burned into our retinas and branded into our memories. For Song Ji Won – this is a happy ending. The happiest, even. Yes, Sung Min must have been devastated, but I imagine even the saintliest of men would have been exhausted living by Ji Won’s side. I doubt that they even had time to get married. Even if they did, she’d have had no patience for ceremony. It would have been a shotgun marriage, executed with panache. Once her previous trauma was revealed, Song Ji Won was freed to fall in love with Sung Min, seduce him into a passionate, intense affair, have his child, and unleash herself on the world as an intrepid reporter. For anyone else, it would have been an unsustainable life, likely to hurt everyone she loved. For Song Ji Won, it was life lived to the hilt, and beyond. Happily. Ever. After.

[leaf-fuguri-blog]

Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog. REPOST. Don’t reblog.

WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE?

Um, I don’t have one. I don’t do any sort of canon shipping besides as friends/ rivals etc. The closest I guess you could get for me for an OTP has been M ( @magicmagikarp) and Leaf, mostly because Duke has been so great to work with and the muses have had a pretty natural chemistry. Although the end goal for them is close friends, not romantic/ sexual partners. 

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?

Almost nothing. I am aromantic-asexual myself and am super uncomfortable writing any sort of romance. I can handle flirting and sexual advances but that’s just about it. However I am big proponent of friend and family ship, basically any platonic bond. I just like any relationship tbh, however it may progress  antagonistic or not. Just the dynamic of people I guess. 

I have a very lose definition of ‘ship,’ basically meaning any relationship between two people and because of that I’m very flexible. 

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?

Okay so I came from the Voltron fandom and if you know anything about the Voltron fandom then you know it’s some bullshit when it came to age gaps. I won’t get into it here but the Voltron fandom has been by far the worst fandom I have ever been in and I was pretty invested into Voltron. Either way I am jaded for it and I have flashbacks anytime someone brings up ‘age gaps’ and ‘shipping’ in the same sentence. I just don’t wanna hear it. At this point in my life if it’s not romanticized pedophilia than I just don’t care. If it falls into my category of squick than I just look away. When it comes to Leaf, she’s an adult in her main verse and I consider there being no age restriction on her. Younger verses I’d restrict to other teenagers only. 

 Real life and fiction are both messy and rarely fit into our categorizations of it. A relationship between a 16 year old and a 20 year old could be really abusive or loving and healthy in the same way a marriage between two 40 year olds can be. Mind you I’d be skeptical of the former but that point stands; Of course I don’t want something extreme like 12-20 without showing the realistic consequences. That’s not impossible but in all likelihood it’s an abusive or manipulative relationship, and that needs to be addressed. That’s the point, honesty. I don’t put limits on fiction. Fiction is exactly where we need to explore dark, twisted, and strange things; Better in a story than reality. 

 If all parties are over eighteen? Have at it. It’s a free world. 

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?:

Anyone can be Leaf’s friend provided they are not a dick. M has been a bit of a special case with the flirting bit (he surprised me). But yeah, no, i’m not selective at all except for chemistry between the muses. 

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED NSFW?:

So on the blog I’ve tagged a couple things NSFW and that was up to a bare male chest that I drew a while back. Just that a shirtless man. I’m being very strict about what I consider NSFW because I want this to be as SFW as possible. In general I will tag NSFW for anything I consider sexually orientated or could be interpreted as such. If I were to tag NSFW in my writing it’d be when gentiles, sexual arousal etc. is involved. I have not progressed more than a toe in the water with smut and I plan to keep it that way. 

WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH?:   

I already talked about M above. But I suppose I’ll grab some other relationships I’m interested in: I want Lisia and Leaf to be best friends with @idoloatria, Leaf has been and always will be Lil’ Cy’s big sister with @caniseirios, and Giovanni and Leaf have this fragile father/daughter/ I-projected-my-abandoment-issues-on-to-you-when-I-was-a-child-and-now-i-have-to-deal-with-that-as-an-adult ship with @rocketbcss​

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?: 

That depends on what you mean. If you want our muses to have an interesting relationship, probably not. If you want to ‘our-muses-date’ then we’re going to have to a real conversation about what that means because like I said, I don’t write romance. 

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP?: 

Romantic shipping? Never.

Platonic shipping? Sign me the fuck up. 

ARE YOU MULTISHIP?:

ye. 

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?:

More-or-less

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?:

I really like any explored relationship between protagonist/villain, obviously not romantically or sexually, but just as people or rivals (the more they fucking hate each other the better, and I’m not talking in a ‘get over it’ way). The villain in the games always has an opposing viewpoint that the protagonist objects to by their presence and to me it’s always fascinating to see how people who are of different backgrounds and perspectives can find reconciliation. How contact with people who we don’t like or are even antagonistic to can still cause us to change, grow, and learn. How although we cannot absolve an enemy of sin we can still understand them and understand their humanity. The blurring of the line between black and white, good and evil. That. Is. My. Shit. 

I love, love, love, philosophical and spiritual debates about beliefs, particullary where they are challenged and forced to warp, and where better than an antagonistic relationship?

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU? :

Talk to me. 

Talk to my muse.

See what happens.

I love it when shit happens. 

tagged by: @caniseirios​

tagging: @rocketbcss​ @magicmagikarp​ @craniumaniac​ @blastingxff​

[passanima]

I’m gonna review a manga even tho it’s an animation blog cause I’ve read something I thought had a cool concept, and like an idiot had hopes, just to be left deeply disappointed and upset. So I’m gonna rant till I feel better!

It’s called shishunki bitter change and is one of the popular “genderbend” manga that usually goes like: girl and boy of high school age fall or bump into each other and realize they now switched bodies!

That seems fun and all but in general the girl is the only serious/mature one while the guy is a dumbass and a pervert and the first thing he’s gonna do in the girl’s body is touch her boobs or look at her naked. They also usually find a way to go back to normal but still decide to change from time to time because why not.

The cool concept this one manga I’m gonna talk about has, compared to the usual format, is that boy and girl meet and change place in elementary school. Way too early for the gross jokes. And also, they don’t find a way to change back and have to live as each other from now on. We follow them for years, until high school. Which leave them for 6 years dealing with this uncomfortable situation.

So I thought it was gonna be great! We won’t see the usual boring tropes of the genre, it will feel fresh, and we’ll get to follow them as they’re growing up! How difficult it may be, and shit.

Of course, I was wrong!

Instead we got very bad writing (and bad art but that would have been fine if, you know, the story had been good) that don’t even try to touch the most important elements of their lives or just gloss over it so fast you’re left feeling like it wasn’t talked about at all.

We start with these two 10 years old kids who play in the park till boy fall on girl and next time they open their eyes, you know it, they switched body. Of course they panic and try to re-do the fall in hope they’ll switch again so everything goes back to normal. But it doesn’t work.

Since they don’t know what else to do and it’s getting late they have to go home and decide to just pretend they’re each other for a day, then meet again the nest day and fix this thing somehow. Till now this thing works, it’s believable, it’s just the first few pages.

Boy in girl’s body go back to an abusive home where the dad is almost never here and the mom just don’t pay attention to her child. The boy was lucky enough to have a nice and warm family so the change is quite a shock. I MEAN to me the reader it was, but to him it’s just “ah ok” reaction and he’s more upset about having strict rules to follow. It’s still fine, he’s a kid that as far as he know only need to pretend for a night.

Girl in boy’s body live the opposite. She comes back to a lovely family with an attentive mom and a little brother who wants to play together. She’s more impressed by the food than anything else and the weird thing is the lil bro is the only one who realize something is weird. He ask where his real brother is and the girl tells him they’re playing a game and his bro will come back if he keeps the secret.

I would... Love to talk about it. If it had been brought up again, and if it had made sense too. It’s implied the brother knows and remember the person in his brother’s body isn’t his actual brother... But he also doesn't seem to care about it! Remember that they stay 6 years stuck like this? Damn, that’s a long game to play. If I was 6 of age and my nice older brother disappeared one day and I only got a clone of him with a weird personality I wouldn’t have kept my mouth shut about it for years! I would have cried to my mom about it or something! it’s upsetting!

The first problem is that. These young kids are never shown to be upset about it. Really upset I mean. It’s a strange and scary situation they don’t know how to deal with. And they’re only mildly inconvenienced. 

It’s just not realistic. This would happen to me today I would panic, like, bad. I don’t want to ever be stuck in someone else body. Someone being in my body and using it however they want is the scenario of actual nightmares I have from time to time. So if this happened when I was 10? I would have cried just at the idea of pretending being someone’s else in front of this person parents and sleeping in a stranger’s house.

Yea, because the two kids aren’t even friends to begin with! They’re classmates that rarely talk to each other. Being stuck in your friend’s body? Might be fun for half an hour. In an almost stranger’s body? Not fun for even a minute!

And we... Directly jump in time. Something like a year in the future. One year they pretended to be each other and no one but the lil bro that don’t care about it so much found out.

These two have completely opposite personalities. And the parents just don’t realize. The girl’s parents, sure, they’re abusive and don’t pay attention to her, it’s already been said. I’m not surprised about it. But the boy’s mom just think “wow you’re so mature now”. Like. If your kid completely change personality in one day something seriously wrong happened. Of course she’s not gonna think it’s something supernatural but she should be wondering if it’s related to school or something. Anything! The parents are either idiots or the author just didn’t want to spent time on it.

At some point the two kids decide to confess their situation to a friend, who decide to believe them. That’s the only person they tell for 6 years.

I still don’t buy that kids would keep such a secret for that long, it’s neither realistic nor smart. In this situation you would want to ask for help. Even if the adults don’t believe you talking about it is still the best thing to do.

... Well at least they have one (1) friend they trust with it, better than nothing.

It’s also shown that girl in dude and that friend spend time together at the library to find books about people in the same situation as they are, to, you know, find a way to go back. But again that’s literally just one scene and we never talk about it again.

There’s so many short scenes that talk about important things and then, bye to that I guess, you’ll never see it again, there won’t be any sort of resolution to it.

So, now they’re in middle school and the most important (at least you think) part of the manga that is right there in the title is finally talked about: puberty!

Girl in dude is growing up and starting to look more manly and she’s panicking mildly about it cause deep down she’s a girly girl and she miss her body and wearing skirts. Dude in girl just had his first period and somehow thought he was gonna die instead of realizing what it was (which they studied at school), and ok I’m not gonna laugh about that because honestly RELATABLE. Of course you freak out the first time you see so much blood. He get really upset about it, mostly the pain, and having to go thought this every month.

And you know whaaaaaat? It’s never brought up again! Something that clearly deeply upset them, we get one scene of it and bye forever!

I’m not gonna talk about the next scene for long cause it’s so badly written it’s just whatever at this point. Remember how boy in girl live in an abusive family? Well he start yelling at the parents one day, telling them they suck, and magically they’re nice afterward.

Take notes people: that’s how you deal with that kind of shit! Yell at your abusers and instead of being ever more badly abused like you’d think would happen, they’ll suddenly become nice cause that exactly how the world works.

This review is so long already and there’s still so much to say... I’ll finish a bit abruptly, sorry.

In the end, the manga isn’t as refreshing or interesting I first thought it would be. All the important part are randomly throw super fast at you, there’s no character grow, nothing is realistic even tho the author tries so hard to make it look like it.

And of course it gets vaguely transphobic and homophobic even tho those are subjects you should seriously talk about if you want to realistically make such a scenario. It’s mostly jokes about how girl in boy want to wear skirts, in the body she’s in right now, but the true owner of said body refuse to let her do it cause it would make him look like a transvestite and that’s gross right? Also when it comes to having a crush they have to keep it the romance straight but in those bodies (how they’re viewed by others) it’s a bit hard. Girl in dude tries to becomes friend with a girl in her class who sees her as a boy and falls in love. Which makes her uncomfortable. There’s also a boy later on who falls in love of her, as he sees her, so as a boy. Of course it’s just vague enough that the author doesn’t need to address it and make it clear that, yeah, that’s gay folks. Cause we don’t want that in our manga.

In the end what I hate most is that nothing change. Again, no character grow. They spent 6 years in each other bodies and still believe they’ll find a way to change back without realizing that... Even if they do.

It won’t be the same.

It was their body till they were 10. They’re now 16 and almost done with puberty. If they go back now they won’t recognize their body, it would take so long to get used to it. Not even touching on having to go back to their original family who should realize it if they suddenly completely change personality AGAIN? Accepting the fact that the parents are idiots and won’t realize it, after 6 years they’ll be strangers. And the friends they made along the way sure won’t be friend with a total different person like it’s normal.

In this situation, accepting that the 10 y/o kids never told anyone but that one friend about their situation and all that bullshit, there’s still a point where they’ll should grow accustomed to the body they’re in and accept it as theirs.

But because they don’t, because the author doesn’t know how to write, they’re mentally stuck and haven’t grow at all. They can’t think of the future. They have only two more years of high school before choosing a path in life in case they never go back, and they refuse to think about it.

The manga may get a satisfying enough ending but I’m not interested in reading it since nothing make sense and all the important point are always ignored.

[blackstarising]

stranger things 2 thoughts under the cut:

okay, this season was good, so everything after this is just going to be details but the season overall was good. any roasting is meant to be more of a light grill or even a light toast, if you will

first of all, can they just mail noah schnapp his emmy early? because that boy literally did the Most™. honestly, i don’t believe i’ve ever seen a child actor come full force the way he did. seeing will suffer onscreen was incredibly heartbreaking and noah definitely brought that depth to his role.

the soundtrack, the bush and mandale signs, the arcades, the clothing, the houses, all 80s, all wonderful.

i think the duffer brothers are trying to actually kill me bc not only do we get hopper but we got hopper in flannel doing dad thing and i am left here very thirsty and very distressed rip i brought this on myself

tbh i forgot that hopper even had a daughter until the fifth episode, because everything he was doing looked so natural

and i know there’s some Discourse brewing about jane (i’m going to call her jane consistently from now on, she deserves to be called by her real name) and hopper’s relationship, especially their fight mid-season, so i’ll throw my proverbial hat into the Discourse Ring

i’m not going to excuse hopper, actually, and i’ll even confess that as a binch with anxiety who hates yelling, i had to turn down the volume of my computer and read the subtitles at one point because it really messes with me

definitely, threatening to turn jane back over to the authorities was wrong, and a new low. but i also saw that it was very much anger born of worry. like, parents get angry, and he had a reason to, because you could see that he was watching his daughter willingly put herself in danger, and it’s not like she’s unaware of the consequences

that being said, i don’t blame jane for leaving. you could see she was starting to match the whole experience to her time in the lab with papa and the fact that she was counting the days. damn

so in the end, they both acted shitty, but they both owned up to that and apologized. and i think david and millie did a really good job in really portraying a realistic father-daughter relationship. it’s not always cute, fluffy, one-shot, material, it’s messy and screamy and painful sometimes.

but ohmygoodness their relationship hurts so good the bedtime stories the waffles the halloween candy sorry i need a mome-

max!!!!!! i!!!! love!!!!! max!!!!!! ever since i learned what internalized misogyny was, i’ve been a bit wary of tomboy characters. but max didn’t play into those stereotypes at all, which is super refreshing. she was very content to be who she was, but she didn’t need to denigrate other girls to do so!!!!!! and it’s just good!!!!!!! 

(also the fact that the boys didn’t question that max beat their high score. also good, also pure, beautiful, beautiful)

[suddenly wearing a mourning veil] okay we need to talk about bob. right now.

i was one of the people who was suspicious of him (not because of shipping reasons, but the show makes you a little on edge, you know?) so i definitely squinted at everything he did but like he was so sweet and supportive of joyce and the boys and he didn’t like overstep his bounds but the way he tried to encourage will was so sweet and and and he’s just working at radio shack and he checks in on joyce to eat lunch with her and make out in the supply closet [hyperventilates a little] and and and the slow dancing in his halloween costume and he knows BASIC [is practically sobbing at this point] and he loves the byers and he died so that they could be happy and he’s a superherO AND I WOULD DIE FOR HIM AND SEAN ASTIN HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO MEEE-

also when he’s talking about how he grew out of getting bullied and “I get to date Joyce Byers!” i get so close to tearing up every time you have no idea

i love how we get development for the rest of the party’s families, and barb’s families too. especially lucas’ sister, a gem, an icon™

and just!!!! lucas!!!!!! i really love how he’s the straight man of the group, but you can tell he’s matured over the year that’s past (also that voice drop, i see you caleb)

and lucas and max is now the only relevant ship on this show im sorry i dont make the rules

dustin is so sweet and big hearted and i really loved seeing more of his depth. tbh i may or may not have started projecting a little especially at the last ep when no one would dance with him!!!! but it’s so hard when you’re so loving and no one returns it in the way you’d want it to!!!! and the fact that he was even willing to love and protect a demon from another dimension dustin please don’t let the world rob you of your sweetness

i was crying about noah earlier but finn also basically killed it this season. you could tell that mike was Depressed with a Capital D and even though he didn’t get as much screen time as he did last season, every scene he did have was Quality,

especially the scene when he was talking about how he and will became friends and those TEARS FINN JUST DRIVE TO MY HOUSE AND STAB ME MYSELF

i really loved watching jane grow and come into her own this season! you can tell that she’s very aware of her power, but there’s that internal struggle about how to use it, which made the final battle that much more poignant.

terry’s backstory was immensely heartbreaking, i don’t have much left to say about it

i really did love kali, though! the detour from hawkins was a bit unexpected, but i love that world building aspect and im really intrigued about kali’s backstory and also her...front story? damn i hope she’s in season three because there’s so much more tea left.

and like....what about 1-7, 9, 10? are they still alive [insert eyes emoji here]

i’m going to be Agressively Heterosexual and agree that billy is pretty™ but at the same time i’m super worried that he’s going to be woobified because he is abusive, and i’m 95% sure he’s racist. so yeah i really hope that doesn’t happen but it probably will [sips wine tiredly]

STEVEN, MY MANS. the development that started last season really paid off here! tbh even i felt hurt when he asked nancy “you don’t love me?” like this binch has got feelings! and he’s not perfect but he’s a lot more genuine than i gave him credit for and the fact that he babysits kids and calls them shitheads but also lets himself get his ass beat for them. oh steve, keep growing but never change.

okay, nitpick and potential unpopular opinion, but i kind of hated the jancy development in this season

because there really wasn’t any, i don’t know, and this is really shitty of me for all my campaigning last year, but it just felt very cheap and superficial

like nancy and steve break up very early in the season, conveniently

and then when they’re at conspiracy guy’s house it just felt too explicit, too heavy handed and cliche, like Conspiracy Guy is basically spelling out their relationship to the audience

and then they do the thing where they just....have sex, and maybe it’s because i’m wearing my grey-ace hat, but like, honestly, two characters having sex doesn’t mean shit, anymore, okay?

its mostly because of hookup culture imo

so jonathan and nancy have sex, but there’s no confession of feelings or anything, so it just feels like a cheap way to show the audience THEY’RE TOGETHER NOW ARE YOU HAPPY

and then they don’t really interact as much in that context for the rest of the season, so it’s left kind of ambiguous

and i understand that it’s a 9 episode season and this is more of a C plot, but i think i would have rather had a slow burn throughout the 9 episodes [cough] like last season [cough] with a more affectionate moment at the end than just break up, nancy’s free, SEX, done

it’s not a very emotionally gratifying narrative as it is

second nitpick: tbh the final battle of this season felt a little too note for note to the final battle of the first season, and it felt repetitive at times, so i admit i kind of lost interest in the middle of episode 9

i really thought the “watering the story down” to get JusticeForBarb™ was really clever 

and just....joyce. i’ll never get over joyce. i have no complaints, she’s a mom who punches back and she’s tenacious and good hearted and amazing and she raised two amazing boys 

i don’t know i need a nap 

[maychorian]

Do you know of any good Voltron fics with hurt Keith?? I can never find any, and if I do they're super shippy. Ships are fine, but I really enjoy some good gen. Thanks!

I definitely have some of these, though not nearly as much as I have hurt!Lance. I’ll see what I can do.

Between by SilverkleptofoxWords: 2,086 Author’s Summary: Between the biggest revelation of his life and his whole world changing, there is no time for Keith to rest and recover. His teammates make sure he does anyway. Tag to Season 2 Episode 8.My Comments: Almost unnecessarily detailed hurt/comfort based on canon injuries, haha. I love it.

Measuring Up by MoonlitWaterSunnyRiverWords: 1,092 Author’s Summary: Keith has insomnia, and finally decides to *do* something about it. Turns out he’s not the only one up at night. Keith & Lance friendship, written for Platonic VLD Week. My Comments: Aw, boys. Good talk.

Scattered by avidbeaderWords: 27,974 (WIP 11/?)Author’s Summary: Separated by Haggar’s parting shot, the Alteans and their new Paladins must regroup and find one another across the galaxies. Along the way, they will discover tragedy, treachery, and hope. Season 2 AU, no ships. My Comments: Really good action fic following the Season 1 finale. I got sucked into all of the paladins’ separate adventures really quickly, and it’s so satisfying to watch them slowly reunite. I’m really worried about Keith, though.

Aftermath by tristen84Words: 1,975 Author’s Summary: After his ordeal at the Blade of Marmora base, Keith turns out to be in worse shape than he thought. Hunk and Lance try to help. My Comments: I believe there was a call for more post-ep 8 Keith whump? Yes, it is here. I especially like that it’s Lance and Hunk who do the supporting in this one.

Insomnia by GriffinRoseWords: 15,278 Author’s Summary: They reunite after the Wormhole Incident all in one piece. Mostly. But some scars can’t be seen. Keith can’t sleep, no matter how hard he tries. Luckily he’s got the best team/family ever who are not about to let this go. No, seriously, they won’t let it go.My Comments: Absolutely wonderful, subtle hurt/comfort and teamy goodness. What was really wrong and how to fix it was obvious to me early on, but it was fun to watch the team slowly figure it out.

Casserole by genericfanaticWords: 1,922 Author’s Summary: After Shiro “dies” on the Kerberos mission, Keith is all alone. Some days are harder than others.My Comments: This author really excels at sharp, almost harsh depictions of pain and grief that are so realistic that you can feel it yourself. So good.

Wolves by Utsukushin (UserFromPluto)Words: 2,498 Author’s Summary: Keith’s hands shook, and for a second he allowed himself to give in to weakness, slumping forward so his upper body rested on Red’s dashboard. His eyes slipped closed, and immediately he was assaulted with a brutal wave - flashes of laser blasts and screams, the violent jolting of his lion in combat, tiny droplets of blood flying off his sword… “Keith?” (Keith has a hard time calming down after battles)My Comments: Stressed-out, hyper-vigilant Keith is really well-written and vivid, and the team’s concerted effort to surround him and make him feel safe again is lovely.

No Desert For You by MikiriWords: 5,373 Author’s Summary: They may have won, but what happens after? Keith worries of returning to Earth and the team comforts him as best they can.My Comments: SO sweet and comforting. Wonderful paladin pile, and I love how they just went around the room taking turns telling Keith that he’s been adopted and he’s not going back to the desert alone. Ever.

A Little Unsteady (Hold Onto Me) by DeerstalkerDeathFrisbeeWords: 13,385 Author’s Summary: Takashi Shirogane is nine years old when he holds his brother for the first time. “I’m here,” he’d whispered to his fussing baby brother, “I’m here, I’m here, I’m here.” And Keith stopped crying. He didn’t laugh; he looked up at Shiro with big, skeptical eyes. A challenge. Like this tiny person was saying ‘oh yeah, prove it’. And Shiro, newly nine years old, promised that he’d prove it. Shiro and Keith’s childhood in moments.My Comments: Modern setting AU, but with a few tweaks I could absolutely see this working in canon-verse. It’s incredibly touching and well-written, and Shiro’s development from reluctant child to fiercely protective big brother was beautiful to watch. Both boys went through a lot of heartache, but by the end they’re together, and you know they’re going to be okay.

Closure by wolfsan11Word Count: 7,837 Author’s Summary: Between finding Pidge’s family and healing up from the final battle against Zarkon, the Paladins only think of heading home, back to Earth. Keith has a hard time with that idea and the team helps. My Comments: This is just the sweetest. Everyone needs to hug Keith and reassure him that they’re family, no matter what.

A Gift Horse by To Be or Not to- Oh forget it (Mikki)Words: 17,801 Author’s Summary: The paladins of Voltron are the universe’s only hope, and they are ready to fight against the Galra. The only problem is, they’re one short. After stumbling their way through freeing a planet however, they might just find the solution to their problem in the form of a ‘gift of gratitude’. No one is happy about it.My Comments: Tagged as slight Klance, but reads gen. Warning for abuse, including implied sexual abuse, and slavery. So yeah. Team Voltron is “given” a Keith who has been raised as a Galra and enslaved for years. And then they proceed to absolutely bungle their handling of him. But I really liked Lance doing his best to get to know Keith as a person rather than a problem to be solved, and I find the concept really interesting. This is one of those fics where I want to write the sequel, because a LOT of work is going to need to be done to get these characters anywhere near healed after something like this.

Trial by Ordeal by To Be or Not to- Oh forget it (Mikki)Words: 89,187 Author’s Summary: They’re supposed to be two sides of the same coin, or something like that. The truth is a bit more complicated. (Character study of Keith and Lance)My Comments: This is long, but absolutely worth the effort. Warning for depictions of abuse in both parts, but it’s treated realistically and respectfully. There were parts in Keith’s chapter that I had to stop reading for a while and do something else, and pretty much everything in Lance’s chapter made me ache for him and the family he left behind. But it’s really, really good. Amazingly well-written and deep and lifelike, and it all makes so much sense, for both of these characters. I’ll be thinking about this one for a long, long time.

Burning Bright by RaccoonDoomWords: 2,221 Summary: For an anon request on my tumblr: “Can you do a klance fic where Keith is sick and Lance is surprisingly good at taking care of him despite his mood swings and bouts of delirium?” Not exactly what they requested but eh close enough. The first time sickness hit the team, it hit Keith. Hard. At least it’s easier to be sick when you have a team than when you’re alone in the desert.My Comments: Keith doesn’t know when to ask for help, but fortunately he doesn’t have to. Lance acts exasperated, but I think he secretly likes being needed, and he’ll step in wherever he can.

Keith Alone by cheshirereeWords: 5,328 Summary: Keith grows up alone, then he gains a family. It somehow becomes a cycle. Vent fic. My Comments: Very sad at the beginning, but well-written backstory and character study. This history for Shiro and Keith makes a lot of sense, and I loved the way Keith gradually came to accept the other paladins, too, and learn to interact with them. They have more in common than they believe at first.

An Echo of Thunder by WashiPuppyWords: 6,934 Author’s Summary: Good thing Lance has a plan. Okay, the second part of the plan had a few holes. It was a work-in-progress. Keith didn’t need to know that though.My Comments: HOLY EVERYTHING BATMAN I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH. I can’t even…I don’t want to spoil it! Just, okay, Lance and Keith are in trouble, right, and they both want to protect each other, isn’t that adorable, but THE LIONS. RED AND ALSO BLUE. Read it read it read it. If you read nothing else on the list this week, read this one. It made me SO happy. Fave. Fave of all time.

Call of Duty by APendingThought for MilkTeaMikuWords: 4,184 Author’s Summary: Lance thought he could handle most things when it came to Keith. He was not prepared for an infant Keith with an ear infection, however. My Comments: I may be aro/ace, and I definitely am, but there is still a very id part of me that is EXTREMELY pleased with the image of an attractive man taking care of a baby, and this story fed that part of me in the most wonderful way. Sweet and satisfying.

Conditional Acceptance by yet_intrepidWords: 6,914 Author’s Summary: Shiro’s looking for a job. Keith, new to the Garrison, needs a tutor to be allowed to stay. He also needs a lot of other things - a decent meal plan, for one, but more importantly, a friend. My Comments: Oh, gosh, this fic broke my heart, but it’s SO good. I would happily accept this as canon. I mean, I kind of have already. Poor Keith is so scared and sad and needy, and Shiro is nervous and out of his depth but so badly wants to help. And Matt as Shiro’s roommate is amazing. I just adore this one to pieces.

What If The Storm Ends? by earthstarWords: 17,913 Author’s Summary: After the fight with Zarkon, Keith finds himself stranded alone on a strange forest planet. All hope seems lost when he gets bitten by venomous creature, but he finds aid from someone he’s not sure he can trust. My Comments: I usually avoid Galra!Keith stuff, idk why, guess I want to see what canon does first. But I am a HUGE sucker for a wise and protective adult trying to take care of a scared and needy kid, and that’s what this is. The plot is great, as well as the character interactions and development, and I would happily accept this in canon.

Standing on the Edge by LenoirWhittlethornWords: 2,901 (WIP)Author’s Summary: Keith doesn’t know how to ask for hugs. My Comments: Golly, I am just ACHING for more of this. It’s so cute and sweet and touching. Keith needs all the hugs, omg. He doesn’t know how to ask, but fortunately the others know how to give.

assistance by asexualreyWords: 1,096 Author’s Summary: Keith managed to break his leg and Lance almost feels sorry for him. My Comments: This one is short and sweet, a little funny, a little sad, but very in character. I would like for these silly boys to be friends eventually, please.

Prison Bonds by GriffinRoseWords: 18,295 Author’s Summary: Keith and Lance are captured and stuck in a cell together, but it’s not the Galra. They almost wish it was. These Cordalians feed off of emotions, and their favorite emotion is sadness. Worse, they’ve found a way to make their victims relive their worst memories to make that pain fresh again, and Keith has a lot of terrible memories he’d rather not relive. My Comments: SO GOOD. SO MUCH PLATONIC CUDDLING. Lance and Keith are both suffering horribly, and all they can do is comfort each other and wait for rescue. I’m so happy that it’s gen, too. And it’s finished! Run, don’t walk. It’s so great.

Impractical Immune Responses by hufflepirateWords: 4,829 Author’s Summary: Keith discovers that he’s horribly allergic to something on the new planet they’ve landed on, and Coran discovers that his cryopods are completely unable to do anything about seasonal allergies. Luckily, the rest of the team has some ideas about what to do. Keith may not be good at acknowledging his weaknesses, asking for help, or letting other people take care of him, but he’s about to get a LOT of practice - enough to start surprising himself.My Comments: I really like how EVERYONE has an important role in this, all doing their best to take care of Keith and help him feel better. And Keith’s development is really lovely, as he starts off scared and distant then slowly warms up to the idea of leaning on his teammates for help. It’s a very sweet fic with a bit of depth, just how I like my h/c.

You stole a BABY?! by genericfanaticWords: 24,324 Author’s Summary:  The castle ship has a new stowaway, and Keith and Lance must figure out how to take care of them without alerting the rest of the crew. My Comments: Warning for child abuse, though it’s in the past. But yeah, this is a great angsty, h/c fic with endgame Klance but more importantly, Keith and Lance taking care of an adorable alien child. It’s well thought-out and plotted, and I enjoyed it from beginning to end. Loved Lance being smart and analytical with his research and Keith showing his fighting chops in an unfamiliar situation, too.