#like yeah i get that it probably hurts when a bunch of people pile on you

[tweedfrog]

Genuinely hate the way positivity therapy speak is now used to deflect even the tiniest hint of criticism by everyone from politicians to influencers all the way down to random ppl. I hope in 2024 we spread ill will and evil and discord among all 🫶

[rottenpumpkin13]

AGSZC who has the messier room? the cleanest?

Sephiroth and Genesis are the neat freaks of the bunch. Angeal is a compulsive cleaner, Cloud doesn't have a choice but to keep his space clean while he's in the army, and Zack is relatively clean and keeps his space organized....he just has his days. Like the time Angeal said he would inspect Zack's room as soon as he got back from his mission, but the room was no where near ready to be seen by human eyes.

*LOCATION: the land where organization goes do die, a.k.a Zack's bedroom*

Zack: Man, this is bad! Angeal comes back in three hours! How am I gonna get all this cleaned up by then??

Cloud: Relax. It's not even that bad.

Zack: Really?

Cloud: Totally. Lots of people have...a fort made out of pizza boxes, a deflated basketball used as a cereal bowl and....is that—is that a Sephiroth cardboard cutout tucked in your bed??

Zack: Shh, he's sleeping.

Cloud:

Cloud: Okay, there's no other way to do this. You need help.

Zack: I do.

Cloud: Which means we have to bring in experts to get the job done.

Zack: .....oh no....not THEM!

Cloud: Yes, them.

-

*Cloud opens the door*

Cloud: Oh good, you're here.

*Sephiroth and Genesis are standing there with cloths around their heads, surgical masks, yellow gloves, and all the cleaning supplies in the world*

Sephiroth: We heard there was bacterial growth.

Genesis: And uncleanliness.

Sephiroth, holding up his label maker: And objects that need to be organized, labeled and filed.

Genesis: And an opportunity to use my brand new disinfectant.

Zack: Wow, guys, I really appreciate this and all, but it's a heavy job. Are you sure you're willing to help without freaking out?

*They move inside the apartment*

Sephiroth: Nonsense, Zack. No job is too hard when it helps a friend.

Genesis: Yeah, and besides, it can't be that bad.

*Cloud opens the door to hell*

Genesis: OH MY GOD HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?

Sephiroth: THE Ḅ̂ͬ̐ͪ̑͌A͔̗͚͍͛̈̂̒͟͢͝ͅ_̵̡̰̫ͤͬͧ͟͟C̘̫͌̆ͦͧ͌̓̄̚T̴Ē̡̛͕͈͓̬̮̐ͩ̓̈ͥ͂͆ͧ̓ͫ͜R̵̡̡̳̩̻͍̠͍̫̙̥̗̻͙̼͉ͪ̏̅ͥͭ̈́͛̂̄́ͦ͗͛͂ͧͤ͊̕͡Í̶̸͕͎̮̩̤͍̹̻̬̩̂ͭͫ͌̀̏̇̇ͮ̇͋̄̀ͮͪͧ͠͞Á̸̧̢̡̘͈̝͙̻͙̖͍͍̖̉ͮ̕͞ͅ

Zack: YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T FREAK OUT!

Genesis: We're not freaking out. This is....normal.

Zack: Really?

Sephiroth, walking inside the room: Yes, it's completely fine and healthy to not be able to see your own floor—*Sephiroth trips on broken bongos and face plants into a pile of stuffed animals*

Zack: Hey! My bongos! I was wondering where those went.

Genesis: See? We're organizing things already.

Sephiroth, resurfacing with a cat plushie: I'm taking this one as payment.

-

*Cloud is sweeping the floor next to a pile of dirty laundry. Suddenly the pile moves*

Cloud: ...

*The pile moves more*

Cloud, panicking: ...

*The pile moves towards Cloud*

*Cloud yells and starts beating the pile with his broomstick*

*Cait Sith jumps out of the pile*

Cloud: !?

Cait Sith: Oh-ho-ho!

*Cait Sith sprints away and out of the room, never to be seen again*

Cloud: What the heck??

Zack, coming up behind him: What?

Cloud: A strange, robot cat was in your laundry just now.

*Sephiroth walks up to the pile of laundry and takes it to be washed*

Zack: Cloud! Don't be mean! Sephiroth is only trying to help!

Cloud:

-

*Genesis opens Zack's closet door to clean, a skeleton dressed in a red leather coat and wig falls on top of him*

Genesis: WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS!?

Zack: Leave Skelesis Bonesodos alone. He isn't hurting anybody.

-

*Cloud is laying down spread eagle on a clean part of Zack's floor after Sephiroth mopped it up*

Cloud: This is so nice. I didn't even know you had heated flooring.

Zack: I HAVE HEATED FLOORING?

Cloud: Yeah, why??

*Zack dives under his bed and pulls out a pile of melted marshmallows*

Cloud: What the hell is that??

Zack: It was my marshmallow Stamp statue. Now it's just a pile of mush!

Cloud: Why would even keep that under your bed? You could attract mice.

Zack: Nah, I've never seen them, so I'm probably good.

*Sephiroth crawls out from under Zack's bed*

Sephiroth: You have the most lovely, welcoming mouse family living underneath your bed.

Zack:

-

Sephiroth: We're almost done here. Zack, why don't you and Cloud go get some fresh air while Genesis and I finish up here?

Cloud: Are you sure?

Genesis: Positive. Besides, only I can add the finishing touches. You boys go have fun.

Cloud: Alright! Come on, Cloud, let's go get Angeal.

*They leave*

*Genesis pulls out a box of scented candles*

Sephiroth: You want to put fire in Zack's bedroom?

Genesis: These candles will set the perfect mood with their apple cinnamon scent. Do you have a lighter?

Sephiroth: No.

Genesis: Does Zack have a lighter?

Sephiroth: Angeal confiscated Zack's lighter after he accidentally set his own eyebrows on fire.

Genesis: Rats.

Genesis: I don't have my bangles with me. Why don't you use your materia to light them while I go get my camera? I want to photograph my work.

Sephiroth: Alright.

*Genesis leaves the room*

Sephiroth: Lighting candles with materia sounds unsafe.

Sephiroth:

Sephiroth: Oh well. What could possibly go wrong?

-

*Zack, Cloud and Genesis are walking back inside Zack's apartment, leading Angeal*

Zack: You're gonna be so proud, Angeal! The room looks spotless!

Cloud: And Zack did it all on his own.

Genesis: HUH?

Zack: Yup! All on my own!

Genesis: MOTHER FUC—*Cloud tackles Genesis to the ground before he can spill the beans*

Angeal: I'm proud of you, buddy. You applied yourself and stayed on track. I can't wait to see how your room looks.

Zack: :)

*Angeal opens the door*

*Angeal closes the door*

Angeal: Call the police.

[1863-project]

For the ask game: common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about?

[ask meme]

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

I...actually get frustrated with the infantilization and/or demonization of characters that could be read as autistic, because it happens so often and there's such a lack of self-awareness when people do it. If one person headcanons it, a bunch of other people pile on, and before you know it, your character is being treated like someone else entirely - and unfairly so.

Let's take the most obvious example and the reason I don't engage with fandom much:

I am so tired of what fandom at large has done to Emmet since 2010. He's been infantilized since day one, often being portrayed as needing Ingo to take care of him or otherwise be his brother's keeper. He's also been turned into a violent, 'unhinged' stereotype since day one. Neither of these things are new. They've been happening since the release of the games. Neither of them have any basis in his canon characterization - a competent railroad employee who's a goofball but simultaneously responsible and always puts safety first.

I was hoping people had moved past that the way they moved past Blankshipping (though some people still do this, too, EW), but it seems like they haven't. Emmet is still either a helpless child or a serial killer waiting to happen to so many of these people, and as someone who actually felt so validated and seen the first time she discovered Ingo and Emmet, it hurts so deeply.

In real life, I'm also infantilized. I turn 35 this year and have a Master’s degree and work a big grown-up adult archivist job and live outside my parents' house, but because I'm neurodivergent and short, I'm frequently assumed to be and am treated like a teenager way more often than you'd reasonably expect. It's incredibly frustrating to constantly be treated like an innocent child because you don't meet neurotypical benchmarks of adulthood the way they want you to or because of the way you carry yourself or enjoy things. But at the same time, people shy away from me because I'm "too intense" about the things I care about.

Sound familiar?

Fandom was, when I was a younger girl, a place where neurodivergent people (especially autistic and ADHD people) were safe from the real world not understanding, accommodating, and accepting us. We generally kept things on the down-low, since it was another thing we'd be bullied for if people knew, but for us, it was a safe space. Then people realized fandom could be commodified, and once capitalism got a hold on fandom and made it mainstream, all our bullies were suddenly in our little space again, and...well, you probably know the rest. (Yeah, they brought their ableism with them.)

I'm not saying old fandom didn't have its problems. It had a LOT of problems. But it was, altogether, a safer space for neurodivergent people to find community and themselves than it is now. Now it feels more about producing things and moving on to the next big thing to produce more "content" to keep engagement instead of an actual community of nerdy, passionate people getting excited about each other's fanworks and chatting about their favorite things together.

And that reflects in how people treat autistic and autistic-coded characters now. Emmet is one example of many - look at Papyrus, or Entrapta, or numerous others.

This trend really, really fucking hurts, and I cannot stand how willingly fandom spaces just go along with it without thinking critically about it.

[amourdivine]

𝐀 𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐅𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐃.

Hello, my loves. I hope you're all doing wonderfully well. Although this pick a card was not the #1 winner in my most recent poll, I know that many people here are excited to build a family, so I decided to provide something fun for you! I hope you enjoy it & please don’t forget to provide feedback, if you will; If you liked this reading, please consider booking a paid reading or tipping me at @ amourdivinetarot@gmail.com! xo. ♡

how to choose your pile.  take deep breaths for a few minutes & look at each and every one of the piles separately. which pile sparks a feeling inside you? which pile gives you a strong memory or calls out to you the most? take your time and feel free to come back to it later.

♡ ♡ ♡ personal readings are available. click here to know more!

♡ ♡ ♡     pick a card masterlist & information.

disclaimer. none of the images are mine unless stated otherwise! this is a general reading for entertainment purposes. tarot is a divination tool & is not a substitute for medical and professional advice, nor is it meant to be taken as such. i do not take responsibility for any choice(s) made by you or others regarding my readings. please remember you are responsible for life and in power of it.

amourdivine. 2021 - 2023 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

𝑷𝑰𝑳𝑬 𝑶𝑵𝑬.

strength | the star | king of wands

Hello, pile one! I’m not sure if it’s just my mind, but I keep seeing a lot of colors for this pile, especially primary colors, so it’s possible that you might have this child with an LGBTQ+ person and/or be LGBTQ+ yourself! I also saw a lot of crayons even before shuffling, so I think your kid will definitely be a very artistic type. A lot of messages came through even before I shuffled, so I think this kid is absolutely ecstatic about being a part of your family as your child.

This child is going to be very, very feisty and funny. They might be a bit of a tomboy or just a bit “rough” around the edges, but they’ll be very protective over you and their family as well. You could be a parent twice or more, so I don’t think this will be your only child, but definitely the eldest. Also, if you decide to have any pets at the time, they’ll probably want to do and know everything. Your future child’s asking you not to get frustrated when they ask you a bunch of questions about the world, pile one. They really wanted to get that across before moving on with the other messages, because they might be the type of super sensitive and feisty kid - very in touch with their emotions and they easily get hurt by words, but they have a very big and forgiving nature. Also, they’re asking you not to be overprotective, since they’re your first child, they want you to give them independence and autonomy slowly. Remember what I said about the pet? Yeah, they want to learn how to do things and they’ll watch you a lot in secret. Perhaps you’ll be up one morning and when you’re about to feed the cat, you’ve noticed that your kid’s already pouring the food onto the cat’s bowl. That’s adorable!

Something here tells me they might have fights and I can see a kid pushing another off the playground, but your kid will not start them per se. They seem very short-tempered and I can almost hear a little voice in my head going “they started it!” because your child might be very protective over others, especially animals. Also, right off the bat, they’re apologizing for coloring the walls with crayons? Not sure if that’ll resonate for all of you, but if it does, please come back to let me know! 

Also, if your child’s a little boy, your second child will be a little girl or vice versa. I can picture a little boy looking after a little girl in these cards, almost like one of them is playing and the other one’s making sure they don’t stray too far. I can’t say much about the other children, but this child will be your first and I doubt it’ll be the only! They’re so giggly, they might love it when you do a funny face or style their hair in a unique way. Also, this kid might be a bit eccentric like the artist they are - they could draw little monsters everywhere and love playing with makeup or looks regardless of their gender. They’ll brighten up your world and love you unconditionally, pile one. By the way, I had a lot of trouble spelling the words and since I’m channeling your future child’s message, I think they’ll ramble a lot and possibly mix up words at first. They’re really asking me to emphasize how loved you’ll be, in a way you have never ever felt before. This child is also urging me to tell you to take care of yourself physically and emotionally, but they also want you to promise that you’ll stay safe for them. They really love you so much, pile one. If you liked this reading, please consider booking a paid reading or tipping me at @ amourdivinetarot@gmail.com! xo. ♡

additional messages & signs: 333, pluto, leo and aquarius season, august, collecting beach shells, ginger or light blonde hair, freckles, tooth fairy, book quotes, “you can be a fighter”, “tell me everything”, “who did this to you?”, chocolate chip cookies, rainbows, lgbt parade.

𝑷𝑰𝑳𝑬 𝑻𝑾𝑶.

the fool | ace of swords | king of cups

Hello, pile two and welcome to your reading! While shuffling, I saw many cards related to Leo and other fire signs, but mostly Leo. I also heard “single parent,” so it’s possible you may raise this child on your own or become a single parent yourself. I love the freshness and boldness of this child. They may be a bit reckless and, well, foolish, since we have The Fool card here! But on a more in-depth interpretation, they seem unafraid and a bit of an airhead as well. They’re a bit brash and blunt with their words - may occasionally embarrass you in public, but all is done in good faith. They’re extremely pure and good-hearted, so it may surprise you that they’ll never grow out of that typical “naiveté” of a child’s, even well into their adult years.

This child may be born during the months of August or October, given the Leo and Libra signs I’ve gotten here. Although naive, they hold a lot of emotional wisdom and depth to them. They may be overlooked during their childhood years at school, perhaps their more extroverted and youthful nature can get them in trouble and make people underestimate or misunderstand them. However, they’re not a natural troublemaker or mischievous by any means. They’re quite witty and may have a knack for sarcasm or wordplay. Also, this kid looks like they’d be easily lost into books and works of fantasy. They have a wild imagination and it’s something they’re asking you to protect and cherish. This pile reminds me a little of pile number one, but with more maturity to them and emotional depth to them.

Despite looking like an airhead, they may actually be quite observant to the things other people don’t pay attention to. They may forget to do homework or the occasional house chores, but this child will be extremely emotionally sensitive - they may be the first to notice when one of their peers isn’t doing well or may use humor to lift other people’s mood, but this child may struggle with insecurity or confidence, deep down. They may feel they need to overperform in order to be cherished and loved, so they’re asking you to use plenty of words of affirmation to remind them how good they already are.

This child may have a bit of a dramatic flair to them as well, but like I mentioned earlier, it’s all in good nature. Do not joke about their feelings, though! Under this whimsical and dramatic nature, they take emotions very seriously. It’s quite an interesting juxtaposition - hence why I also feel that they may be misunderstood or taken for granted by their peers, at times. They may be neurodivergent and so, it’s important you check in on them. If this child is autistic, for example, allow them to take pride in these traits that make them different and unique. Also, you’ll learn a lot about the world through this child’s eyes. They have a very unique way of perceiving things. If you liked this reading, please consider booking a paid reading or tipping me at @ amourdivinetarot@gmail.com! xo. ♡

additional messages & signs: leo or sagittarius, pisces, scorpio, september, october, twitch streamer, video games, “you were born to stand out”, neurodivergent, adhd, autistic, fair, blunt, sensitive, quirky, lego house, marvel movies.

𝑷𝑰𝑳𝑬 𝑻𝑯𝑹𝑬𝑬.

seven of pentacles | knight of swords | eight of pentacles

Hello, pile number three! Welcome to your reading! Honestly, I had a little bit of a tough time shuffling for this pile, just because the messages and the overall feeling of it was so intense. They seem quite introverted and hardworking, like an old soul in a young body. It’s quite different from my previous piles, since this child holds a lot of seriousness and introversion to them, which is not actually a bad thing - they’re devoted to making you a proud parent.

They may tend to take things very seriously and to heart, however. Whatever you say to your child, they’ll take it to heart, so be careful with your words around them - it seems it can go either way. I get a bit of “middle sibling” energy from this, so they may tend to overwork themselves in order to gain people’s approval or excel in their studies to gain a sense of control. It reminds me a bit of Saturn and Capricorn as their overall concepts.

It breaks my heart a little because this child seems quite guarded. They may have a hard time opening up or simply feel that you’re too busy for them. Their main love language seems to be quality time and acts of service, so it’s important you take plenty of interest in their hobbies - no matter how “weird” or “quirky” they may seem to you, this child is very booksmart, even though sometimes they may come off as a “know it all,” they want to become resourceful and helpful, someone that you’re proud of in the long run. Aw, my heart.

Now, they may also be extremely competitive. I think they may partake in several extracurricular activities at school and become some kind of valedictorian during college. They’re reliable, trustworthy and quite solid. Although may be a bit of a wallflower as well, so be mindful when you engage with your kid, since they need their own time and may struggle with placing boundaries. This child is asking you to remind them that you’re the parent - not them, and they don’t need to have it all together. So no matter how many times they struggle with their perfectionism, it’s important you bring them back to their qualities and how worthy they are of everything.

They may also be naturally strict with themselves and have extremely high standards. They may get this from you, as well, if they witness you being harsh on yourself, they may become adept of this behavior since this child idolizes you a lot and may have troubles with their own self-image or self-worth outside of their achievements. Please remind them to have fun, a lot of it! Not everything has to be a task or a side hustle, and this message seems to apply to you as well. They acknowledge you’ve worked hard to build financial stability for them, but remember to bond emotionally with others and not pass these false beliefs onto your loved ones. Honestly, they’re a little bit of a “mini adult”, it reminds me a lot of the child character played by Dakota Fanning in “Uptown Girls,” especially the scenes in which she struggles with vulnerability and receiving affection. This is a very responsible kid, it warms my heart to know how much motivation they’ve got to succeed in life and to make you proud. They adore you so much. If you liked this reading, please consider booking a paid reading or tipping me at @ amourdivinetarot@gmail.com! xo. ♡

additional messages & signs: “why don’t you do something for yourself?”, capricorn, virgo, taurus, horseback riding, harvard, straight A’s, INTJ, ISTJ, good enough by lifehouse, “and now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good”, you’re on your own kid by taylor swift, "fear of being average"

amourdivine. 2021 - 2023 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

[coffee-at-annies]

🥰 🤠 💗 for the ask game!!

Fic Reading Ask Game // Open

🥰 what tropes do you gravitate toward?

I tend to gravitate to ship tropes first because in fanfic it tends to be short hand for the plot. Like the plot is mutual pining with a side of slow burn and a falls first b falls harder and then at the end they kiss. There might be a grand arranged marriage regency romance or an enemies to lovers space au around that but at its core the relationship and the romance is driving the plot. AUs are worldbuilding set dressing (which I love) but they inform the story they don’t effect the story. So it’s a balancing act for which I’m more excited about. There was a while where I was reading through the idiots to lovers tag because man that’s what I wanted, two people that are just stupid for each other. I’ve also done dives into the non-traditional omegaverse tags, always a different sex, alternate universe - magic, etc etc. I probably do gravitate most towards aus as a high level and then decide based on what the ship is doing cause that’s the plot being pitched to me. I love spec fic. I think it’s so fun. I know omegaverse is a bunch of junk science. I know cisswap gets a bad rap as being transphobic. I know *gestures at hp aus* but like they’re fun. It’s all fun. “What if we took these characters and moved them to the left, what then?” is so so interesting to me. I love when people lay out a premise and then meaningfully think about it. However the shit has to be interesting. I have to care about the ship and what they’re doing. If they’re perfect little robots the entire time, that’s not interesting. It’s a balancing act.

🤠 favorite au genre?

I love AUs. If it’s weird and left of center gimme all of it. I’ve always love a near-canon au which is everything is the same except this one thing. Maybe that one thing is magic, maybe that one thing is Sid is a girl, maybe that one thing is vampires, I don’t care I love alternate universe - this specific change. At the same time I love genre aus. I love these are the boys but they’re in space. I love we’re in a magic urban fantasy town and Sidney is a witch and Geno is new in town. It really really depends. I go through phases with fandoms where I find a niche au and then read everything in it. For example one of my favorite niche aus in dc comics/batfam is reverse robins!aus. Its so edgy and dumb and there’s a lot of delicious angst thrown my favorite character’s way because you get the Tim+Damian hate relationship but flipped to mirror the original Dick+Jason relationship and then you get to give Tim all the angst Jason has of dying and coming back different. Delicious and delightful. For hockey probably my favorite AU is goalie nesting. I fucking love nesting man. I’m hit or miss sometimes on omegaverse but this is technically separate and so so delightful. Bury that goalie in a pile of blankets, sweaty disgusting game worn jerseys, and whichever teammate you think looks hottest on top of him and call it hurt/comfort. Yum.

💗 a fic you’ve reread again and again and why!

Okay so actually I forgot one of my favorite aus is soulmates since I haven’t been in the mood recently. Yeah yeah I know I’m a bad aroace person cause soulmates are inherently amatanormative and reinforce heteronormativity and compulsory sexuality and the idea that it is normative to want to be in a romantic relationship and all that jazz. I just like it. I like the idea of what if two people were puzzle pieces who fit together perfectly. Then also what if they fit together and it wasn’t perfect and they have to work at it anyway because relationships take work. Anyway this is a preface for one of my favorite hrpf fics that I go back to when craving that feeling of home with the old team. It’s SidFlower platonic soulmates, SidGeno romantic relationship set during the 2016 season. It’s so delightful and homey. It’s one of the fics I keep coming back to whenever I want to recapture what I love about hrpf.

[makotodeath]

I've seen mixed thoughts on Belos' death but I think a lot of people are forgetting the absolute build up of suffering for him. Like first of all, he gets punched in the face once and literally has a scar there for 400 years. He has to carve glyphs inside of him which god knows how he knew how to do that. Then he gets addicted to palisman drugs which destroys his insides, making him need more. He can't even keep his human form anymore. So yeah he's basically a drug addict for a good 350 years or so, maybe even longer.

Then he gets given a magic seal which essentially gets rid of the majority of his human form. He has to shed his skin relying on magic and gooy palisman slime. Which probably hurt ngl. Then whatever bones or structure he had left got smashed into a wall by the collector. First he loses his flesh, then the majority of his bones break. BRUH MOMENT. He's a pile of wet goo now and I'm guessing but correct me if I'm wrong, he possessed a deer only to get hit by a car. SECOND BRUH moment.

He's defeated by a bunch of children. He's haunted by Caleb and the many golden guards he killed. He's quite literally dragging his rotten corpse against the ground. We can even see the palisman flesh decay so much, his bones are visible. His face is malnourished and you can visibly see his remaining jaw and bones after the majority getting smashed. Now he possesses Raine and realizes He's a moron. Raine fights back. He acts fucking feral and then merges with the heart. He gets defeated by a teen who has the power of the titan. Now with the last bit of magic he pretends He's "back to normal" only to get his skin burnt through and back to his palisman state but he's literally almost dead. Then he gets disrespectfully curb stomped. The last part may have seemed tame but he literally went through so much and then died. That's satisfying karma. And what's even better is that he was already dying when they stomped on him. He would've died anyway but they went the extra bit to just say a massive fuck you to him.

[rhys-ravenfeather]

In Defense Of Kevin McCalister

WARNING: Super long, pointless rant/character analysis about a now 33-year-old movie coming up.

You have been warned.

Also, disclaimer: it has been years at this point since I've seen Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, and I'm like 99% sure that Home Alone 4 is set in the Bizarro Universe, given that all the original characters are played by new actors. So I won't be counting the events from either of those movies for this post, just the first movie. Also, for that reason I'm just going to keep referring to Marv and Harry as the 'Wet Bandits' throughout this whole post, instead of going back and forth between calling them that and the Sticky Bandits.

Anyway! It's December now, and I think at this point everyone and their dog theorizing about how Kevin is a psychopath, or sociopath, or grew up to be Jigsaw (no, really, for those who don't know that IS an actual theory) because of the torture he put the Wet Bandits through is almost as much a holiday tradition as actually watching the movie.

But I finally got to rewatch the movie recently, and I have a few thoughts.

I. The McCallisters

So um, I don't know about you guys, but from what we see of the entire extended McCallister family at the beginning of the movie, they kinda seem like a lowkey toxic bunch:

Okay, maybe 'toxic' is a bit much--to their credit, there are a lot of extra people in that house, they're about to go abroad for a trip, so it's not surprising that everyone would be stressed out and tensions are running high.

But that doesn't make their behavior right.

Early on, we see the family, kids included, pushing their stress and misery onto each other, and especially onto Kevin. Granted, Kevin himself is kind of a brat at the start of the movie, but guess what?

He's still an eight-year-old kid.

He's the youngest, at least in his immediate family, and the whole night he's either ignored by the adults, insulted by his siblings and cousins, no one bothers to help him pack, and he's told he'll have to bunk with his cousin, who is a bed-wetter. That's a LOT for a kid to deal with, and with everything piling up, can you really blame him for snapping over something as simple as a cheese pizza?!?!?

So to sum up: This eight-year-old boy spends the entire night getting dumped on and looked down on by all his older family members, and in the one moment he finally dares to retaliate, it results in a mess that gets all of them even angrier at him, and he's sent to his room angry and upset, and feeling like all of them hate him.

You're really going to tell me that none of you ever had an experience like this with your families as a kid????????

Can you really blame him for wishing his family away after a night like that?!?!?

Also just a quick side note: Someone else pointed out that, well, Kevin thought he made his family disappear. So it's not really surprising that the kid would probably think he's tough enough to take on two grown adults after that.

Now, that all being said, let's talk about:

II. The Wet Bandits

Look, I'm not going to act like I didn't wince watching some of the torture Marv and Harry went through, especially Marv stepping on nails and Christmas ornaments...talk about agony of the feet (don't boo me, that's the actual trope name!)

But there's one teeny, tiny little thing I think most people tend to overlook when talking about these guys, and the hell they went through...

MARV AND HARRY ARE CRIMINALS.

We literally start the movie with Harry pretending to be a cop to get information on the McCallister's home, and their security defenses, so that he can rob the place with Marv later.

And okay, to their credit, it's not like the pair start off trying to hurt Kevin right off the bat.

Doesn't change the fact that they were still planning to rob his home, and very likely WOULD hurt him if/when they found him in the house they were planning to rob.

And yeah yeah, the McCallisters seem to live in a rich neighborhood, and seem very well-off themselves, but you can't tell me that you would see THIS outside your house:

And NOT get scared, especially if you were a small child left at home with no family to help and protect you.

Kevin doesn't go full Jigsaw on them right away--in this scene, after tricking the pair into leaving by turning the lights on, he runs and hides under the bed, like the scared child that he is.

To address another post that I've seen once--'KeViN cOuLd HaVe CaLlEd ThE pOlIcE aNy TiMe!' No. He couldn't have. The phone lines were down.

Also, the police, for most of the movie, seem uncaring at best--when his mother calls the police to get them to check on her son, they all but roll their eyes when talking to this worried, scared mother who wants to make sure her son is safe, and while a police officer DOES come to check on the kid eventually, Kevin is still too scared from seeing the burglars to answer the door. Because, again, he is a confused, scared child.

And again, the very first 'police officer' we see in this movie is revealed to be one of the very criminals trying to rob his house.

And yet, when the kid accidentally steals a toothbrush (because he was scared of his neighbor, who was in the store with him), a cop goes after him.

Oh yeah, and it's not like Kevin goes full torture technician on the Wet Bandits the SECOND time they come around either--just uses a lot of dummies, cut-outs, and strings, as well as Christmas music, to make it seem like the house is full of people.

Then the Wet Bandits find out they've been had.

And it's then, and ONLY THEN, that Kevin turns his house into a Saw trap--remember, these grown men are dangerous criminals who fully intended to rob his place, and again, it's not a stretch of the imagination to think that, even though they didn't want to hurt him originally, they wouldn't have ANY PROBLEM WHATSOEVER doing so when they came to his house again after finding out that he tricked them.

TL;DR: KEVIN WAS A LITERAL CHILD WHO WAS LEFT TO FEND FOR HIMSELF AGAINST TWO BAD PEOPLE WHO WOULD HAVE HURT HIM, OR *WORSE* IF GIVEN THE CHANCE JUST TO GET WHAT THEY WANTED, AND WAS JUST TRYING TO PROTECT HIMSELF.

[astranite]

vent post because I am a mess and i've just got to stick it all somewhere. I don't even know what or why I'm putting it here. Just there is way too much inside my head.

(trying to stick all of my intensely personal bullshit under a cut)

Just a whole pile of stuff. (this isnt even the half of it). A whole bunch of things I thought i was okay about but maybe I'm really not. And that maybe my whole scale of okayness is kinda fucked up. And i seem to randomly swing from telling myself this is fine to no wait its all pretty fucked up. Basically that meme of the dog in the on fire house going this is fine. Welcome to everything is on fire but we're not freaking out about it because we're past that point. But sometimes it feels honestly okay and then something else hits.

Nothing in my life is even that bad. I'm getting my shit together. Its probably better than it has been in a while (or maybe its not, i dont know). I'm making positive progress towards the future. I drafted a job application. I'm trying to unfuck my tertiary studies. I literally keep telling myself I'm an adult, even though I feel like a fuck up kid still.

I just want to move the hell out. So I'm making steps towards it. Not because its bad, bad. More conflicting access needs I guess. And I feel trapped here and on guard and responsible for everything. Or Im just a problem or have problems because clearly everyone else is fine but that's probably not a great way to think.

Not sure what I'm feeling right now. Actually mostly just numb and vaguely ill. Yay for crushing down all your emotions until you can't feel them any more. Because, yeah, I can't be upset about things. It scares and worries people and I'm already way too intense.

And when I do it, i seem calm and fine to people, and hey neither crying nor panicking has be a good thing. Except I'm blank when I know I'm upset or would be, and its not fine. Honestly probably a bit messed up. Huh.

(I know its not good for me. I am so very aware of this) (i know hiding stuff is literally one of my biggest 'things are getting bad' red flags)

I'd probably be way more okay if I was crying and yelling and getting mad about stuff. Instead of just quietly, calmly imploding. Or walking around and smiling and acting normal. (its only sometimes, not all the time. And just happens to be right now)

Also past shit keeps metaphorically walking up to me, and maybe I didn't process it great. because its evidently still bothering me even though its years ago.

(Yes, realising some of this stuff was a That moment when you're writing and you realise that wow character has a whole bunch of issues. Then that was at least 50-70% me.)

I do keep picking myself up from the floor over and over because I'm too stubborn not to.

Also: I'm so sick of being misgendered by family. Like they do support me and are trying with different pronouns. But getting it right barely any of the time. And if I call them out on it to correct them, then they get upset. So I just have to put up with it silently, and yeah, she's trying, so I feel like I can't be upset about it but it still hurts, and maybe its not good enough. And I don't even know whether I could change my name, at least not without upsetting peopl, I've been told "please don't change you name, I like your name" but I don't even know if it feels like me. It's like people are supportive, but being nonbinary or trans or anything isn't actually a valid option. They/them isn't that hard if you practice it and even if it is it's still very much important to me. And none of them think of me as such which is maybe the problem. Except my friends, who actually do get it right which is nice.

I guess I'm struggling. And also all my friends and family have way too much of their own stuff going on.

So stupid vent post yelling into the void, it is then. Maybe I'm just being dramatic about it all.

I'd say I'm okay and don't worry (if anyone's even fucking reading this) but that would probably be more concerning. But I'll survive this like I survived every other fucking thing the universe has thrown at me.

(and I will and have asked for help, so stuff is at least sort of getting sorted, because this is not my first mental health rodeo.)

[beansnpeets]

I just wanna start by saying I know I don't deserve the way he treats me and I am working on leaving. I'd still like to vent here since I am unable to leave just yet. You absolutely do not need to read these, I'm just getting it out. This one is tw for talk of suicide. Not me, other people.

Jon called me this afternoon, mid meltdown. He went to install a new doorknob at his one rental because the tenant wanted one of those smart ones or whatever, but he shows up and she's lost parts for it so he can't do it. So then he sees that her a/c is dripping inside the wall. Goes to put a drain hole in the right place, does Too Much, like he usually does and wrecked the a/c unit completely. So now he's mad at himself and swearing and upset and in this spiral of "everything sucks, nothing matters, everything I do is fucked, the universe is fucking me" and I don't fucking know what to do because I've heard this meltdown a million times, and yeah, he does get fucked over a lot, but not because he's stupid or anything. It's because he takes on these massive projects, not realizing how massive they are, like owning a rental property, and then when something goes wrong the stress absolutely destroys him. Like I feel bad that he has to deal with as much as he does, but at the same time......he's the one that's put himself in this spot. Same as every other time. He can't handle the massive amounts of responsibility that is required of something like this. He thinks he should be able to just set it and forget it. That if he just takes on all these things everything will just run itself. Like no my dude. You're the one running the ship. You're ultimately responsible for it. It's up to you. And then he's upset because he has all this shit he has to do and all these things piling up and not nearly enough time or energy to deal with it all. My guy. You are chronically ill and disabled and you're taking on more than any able bodied person would take on at one time. No fucking wonder you can't keep up. Fucking STOP. And like he makes enough money with just some of what he's doing that he doesn't need to take all this shit on, yet he does. I don't get it.

Obviously I feel terrible that he feels terrible and I wish I could help, but historically nothing I say helps and so I'm to the point now where I just sit here and go "yeah that sucks ☹️" and that doesn't seem to be what he wants either. Like it's as if he's asking me to fix it or tell him how to or something, but I CANT. I've tried to tell him to talk to his dr about his mental health and he never does, just says he can't remember to or he doesn't know how to explain it. And I tell him to talk to his literal therapist and he says if he isn't actively having a meltdown he can't communicate to her what is going on because he doesn't remember it. And like idk if it's just bullshit? Like is he just trying to elicit an emotional response out of me or is it genuine because at this point I'm starting to wonder. But the dude just can't handle stress at all. His brother is exactly the same and he's seen the toll that has put on the family. Yet he does nothing to deal with his own issues. I think he thinks he doesn't have issues and that it's the universe that is at fault and not him.

And part of why it's taken me so long to make steps to leave is his mental health. I don't know that he wouldn't hurt himself when I leave. He keeps saying he's so depressed and what's the point and he wishes it would end, but like 🤷 the guy I dated in high school threatened to kill himself a bunch of times and scared the absolute fucking lights out of me over it so many times and when I finally broke it off he recovered and he's still alive, probably more fine than before. It just feels like I'm back in that with Jon. It's similar shit to what Alex put me through and I didn't fucking appreciate it the first time and I certainly don't the second time.

I know I can't let his mental health keep me in an unhappy relationship and I know that me being here makes no difference to his mental health, but once I do leave I know it'll be more fuel to the fire that he thinks the universe is out to fuck him over. But, again, he's put himself in this situation. I didn't do this to him. He did this.

I just don't know what to do. When he's melting down and upset and trying to get interaction out of me at those times I do not know what to do. It's been over 5 years and I can't figure it out. Even this morning, he was angry as he was leaving and made some comment and when I didn't reply he scoffed and said something else, in reference to me ignoring him, and then stormed out. Like dude. I'm not going to engage with you when you're ragey and pissy. And he does that all the time. I used to engage, but I just ignore him now and he fucking HATES that. But nothing I do say makes any difference anyway. Sometimes it just winds him up more. Idk what to do. Idk how this guy can be helped. And I know it isn't up to me, but I wish I could at least tell him where to go to get the help he clearly needs. It's just been increasingly frustrating and the more I disengage from the relationship the less tolerance I have for his shit.

[lennjamin-o7]

To Be Truly Free

Chapter 12

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Technoblade felt like he’d been slapped.

At their entrance, Wil looked up. His eyes peaked between his brown curls, a grin curling where his teeth were still sunk in Hallowlance’s throat. He let go, his teeth releasing Hallowlance. Licking his lips, Wil dropped him, the Blessed One’s head bouncing off the dias as he fell onto the floor, inches from the ridiculous boar mask. Hallowlance groaned and twitched, but Technoblade barely gave him a glance. Technoblade couldn’t rip his eyes away from Wil. The man he had spent so much time with over the last month, watching in wide-eyed horror as Wil ran a finger over his lips to wipe away a smudge of blood, watching as Wil straightened his gold framed glasses that sat on his nose, watching as Wil readjusted that brown coat he always wore-

It couldn’t be Wil. It couldn’t . This didn’t make sense.

Please. Please don’t let this make sense.

“Dad, you found him,” Wil grinned, brushing his hair out of his eyes. An achingly familiar gesture.

“It wasn’t supposed to be a scavenger hunt, Wilbur, we had a plan,” Emperor Philza sighed, exasperated.

Technoblade felt like he’d been slapped again, watching Wil shifting from foot to foot sheepishly.

“Yeah, I know, but plans change. That’s why I sent-”

Technoblade gasped in pain, stumbling as something tugged sharply on his arm. He looked down to see Tommy, a look of horror on the blond’s face with hands raised as if in surrender. He met Techno’s eye, concerned.

“Dad, he-”

“He’s a bit hurt, Toms, be careful,” The Emperor murmured. Technoblade startled when the Emperor’s hand touched his uninjured shoulder. “Watch over him for a bit, okay?”

“Okay,” Tommy’s brow knitted together in determination.

Dad. He called him Dad . That means-

A deceptively gentle hand nudged Technoblade closer to the blonde child, a whisper an inch from his ear “ Stay with Tommy .”

Technoblade twitched as the strange feeling settled over him again, limping a step towards Tommy. 

“How dare you!?” Technoblade’s head whipped to the side to the source of the sound. He wasn’t the only one. Though Tommy merely rolled his eyes as he guided Technoblade away from the Emperor. 

King Dante had seen better days. His hair wasn’t perfectly coiffed, flyaway pieces framing his face in an unflattering way. His beard wasn’t decorated in gold and braids, instead falling limp and seeming to be balding in places. His robes were wrinkled and rumpled. But as undignified as these details were, nothing could compare to the indignity of his position. 

Flat on his back with his robes bunched around his waist, his underwear obvious for all to see. 

Technoblade was much too overwhelmed to laugh.

The voices in his head were not.

But this did draw Technoblade to notice that there were other people in the room. Priests and Nobles and guards. Though none of the guards were still breathing. Or in one piece. A flash of white fabric caught his attention in the piles of bodies, but he quickly looked away.

He-he should probably look to see who it was. At least remember them for a moment, a small silent tribute but-.

But it was all starting to become too much. 

He really didn’t want to see a familiar face lying in a pile of bodies.

“You’re welcome, by the way,” Sir Wil or…Wilbur said, brushing off nonexistent lint from his coat.

“You're welcome? You’re welcome ?” The King rushed to cover himself, spitting venomous words in Wil’s direction. “What do I have to be thankful for, you treacherous leech? The part where you aided the invasion of my country, or the part where you pushed me?”

“I mean, Little Red Chosen One over there was going to kill you,” Wil nodded to the slightly twitching body of Hallowlance. “At least, I’m assuming you aren’t trying to get a gut piercing? The fashion in this country is, hm, much to be desired, to say the least. But I certainly didn’t hear you ask for a sword in the stomach.”

“W-what?” King Dante stuttered, halfway standing up. The monarch glanced anxiously at the still body of Hallowlance. There was an unsheathed sword on the floor.

“And I couldn’t exactly have you being dead…yet, so, a thanks would be appreciated, saving your life and all,” Wil finished, waving his hand dismissively. His eyes lit up at a thought, turning quickly and pointing a finger. “Oh, and you? Honestly, that kind of treason was the real shock, Mr. Holier-Than-Thou. Getting your pawn to try and kill your king? Now that is an unforeseen betrayal.”

Technoblade followed Wil’s finger to a stuttering High Priest. The High Priest’s gaze flickered between the onlooking nobles, the aghast King Dante, and the grinning vampire before him.

“I-well-I mean-I would never betray my King. This is-I was tricked! Thralled! Yes, of course! I was manipulated by the evil stains that were-”

“Mate, I don’t think anyone here is going to believe that,” The clack of Emperor Philza’s boots punctuated his words, green robes flowing behind him like great wings. But the man didn’t take a single step onto the platform. Instead, he paced around, looking every person in the eye, searching each expression. Wil grinned maniacally at Emperor Philza’s approach but the rest? At every footfall, each important person of Scywar paled, some stumbling back into the people near them. 

“I mean, did I manipulate people and thrall them? Of course,” Wil chuckled.

Technoblade’s injured leg gave out from under him, spurring Tommy to catch him with a worried sound. But Technoblade didn’t notice as Tommy helped him sit on the floor, instead focused on what Wil had said. A horrifying thought solidifying in his mind.

Wil had thralled people?

Wilbur had thralled people.

Technoblade felt the thoughts click together as his heart broke.

He had spent a lot of time with Tommy and Wil-Wilbur. And they constantly were telling him what to do, ordering him around, dragging him to sit with them. And Technoblade had listened? Technoblade? Even though Technoblade had always been stubborn, refusing what the priests had demanded of him even with threat of pain? And-and Emperor Philza had definitely thralled him, he could still feel the unnatural pull to do what he had asked. The desire to stay near Tommy. The somewhat muddled thoughts in his head. And it felt familiar. He had thought that before, hadn’t he? He had recognized it as familiar.

Wilbur had thralled people.

Wilbur…had thralled Technoblade, hadn’t he?

He felt a bit sick.

Was anything he did within the past month on his own volition?

“See! You admit it! You-you forced my hand! I would never-”

“You know, it's funny that you called me disloyal just because I am from L’Manburg. Like, sure, L’Manburg has its…explosive history. But this country has a Prince kill his brother for the throne, and then a Priest tries to kill the King for, what, control of a sinking ship? What would you even get out of this?”

“Lies! Lies and slander! You obviously controlled me. You-”

 “Nope, sorry, would have been a waste of effort. You're just not all that useful,” Wilbur snickered. “I mean, to be fair, most of you weren’t all that useful. Dante the Dickish over here certainly spent a majority of his reign just mercing all of the useful people, didn’t he?”

The King sputtered at the name. 

“Techno? Are you alright?” Tommy whispered, the kid tapping Technoblade gently on the knee. Technoblade didn’t acknowledge him. 

“Like, honestly, do you know how much work it was to find someone actually useful to thrall? Who knew anything important? It took me ages . Who knew that incompetence would be such a good defense?” Wilbur sneered. 

“I think Ashenpike is wrong,” Technoblade started cautiously, voice low. “It’s more likely that the Sleeping Empire will attack from the south, not the west.” 

“Really?” Wil grinned. “Why’s that?”

Technoblade hummed unhappily, rubbing his hands down his face.

“Where do I even start?”

“Seriously, it's a wonder this country didn’t implode on itself before we even got here. Not a single one of you put even the slightest effort to not be fucking morons. Your egos wouldn’t allow you to be wrong about something. Twenty years and the best you could come up with was sending armies of children out with no reconnaissance? Ignoring any useful information just because you were too stupid to realize it was useful? Dismissing the advice of people who knew better? Fuck, even your King didn’t know state secrets that would help you win the war.”

“...You would only take it if you knew it was undefended. But there is a bigger reason.” Technoblade paused, looking at King Dante’s scowling face for only a moment before looking at Sir Wil. “Hacker’s Pass is also a state secret.”

Sir Wil’s eyebrows rose, before settling into an amused expression.

“A state secret?” Sir Wil tilted his head.

“Like, you humans are so laughably incompetent! At some point, I had to start digging through your poorly organized library to find the info that I needed. Because none of you had done even the slightest research. How much money did you waste on educating your child soldiers–who you refused to listen to, by the way– without ever once cracking open a single strategy book?”

“How did you even- this book is illegal! Incredibly illegal,” Technoblade was almost breathless as he greedily took in every word. 

“I have my ways,” Wil’s half-sung. 

“After seeing the utter incompetence of the people leading this country, why would I ever bother wasting my time thralling a complete idiot like the High Priest? A guy who thought a coup in the middle of a war would be a good idea,” Wilbur scoffed. “There were definitely better people I could manipulate than you .”

Technoblade clenched his shaking hands into fists, ignoring the pain in his wrist as he did so.

He was so stupid.

They used him. Of course they used him. Manipulated him. They couldn���t have-they couldn’t have actually liked him. They couldn’t have actually cared . That was ridiculous. He had talked to Tommy for, what, an hour? And the kid was just so impressed with what Technoblade had to say that he and his brother sought him out again? It didn’t make any sense. He should have realized that. He shouldn’t have hoped that- it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what he hoped. 

People don’t like Technoblade, they just like to use him.

How could he forget that?

The trembling wasn’t just in his hands now.

“Techno?” Tommy’s whispering was a little louder now. Techno flinched away from the hand on his forearm. He heard the shifting beside him and Tommy’s face entered his line of sight, concern etched into his face as he twisted to catch Techno’s eye. Technoblade only met his gaze for a second before looking away, turning his face as much as he could and trying to hide in the strands of filthy hair that fell freely into his face. “Techno you’ve gotta tell me if-”

“Seriously, as soon as I convinced the King to bring some of the Blessed into the castle, I had all the useful info I could possibly get from the Church-”

Technoblade blinked rapidly, eyes burning with shame.

“-honestly, they had more knowledge about how the army functioned than you, the supposed head, did-”

A look of alarmed realization lit across Tommy’s face.

“-it only took a few words and they told me everything. And they didn’t even remember doing it-”

“Wilbur, shut the fuck up!” Technoblade flinched at the sudden screech from Tommy. 

Wilbur startled at the sudden outburst, looking at his brother in affront.

“Tommy, what the fuck are you-?”

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” The kid screeched. “You’re being a bitch to Technoblade and you don’t even care!”

“What? What are you talking about? I do care, I wasn’t even talking about-?”

“...Technoblade?” Technoblade froze, his whole body stilling as if it could hide in plain sight. The High Priest’s tone was sharp, cunning, desperate, sending a cold fear around his heart.

“Technoblade, what are you doing just sitting there? Attack these-” A fearsome snarl cut the High Priest off.

“ You don’t get to talk to him, you piece of shit. You don’t deserve to talk to him,” There was a cold calculating anger in Tommy’s words, so different from the boisterous heat the kid would spout in arguments with his brother. The words were clipped, chilling, sharp as a knife. It brought with it the instinctual fear of the night, of the things that hide in the dark.

As terrifying as the sound was, High Priest Jericho had the gall to laugh, a hint of hysteria under the bravado.

“Technoblade is mine, you blasphemous brat. Body, mind, and soul,” The High Priest scoffed and Technoblade looked at his clenched fists, not wanting to look up and see the High Priest. “He is the Blood God’s, forever, which means he is mine to control. I can speak to him whenever I-”

Multiple snarls in the air had goosebumps run up and down Technoblade’s arms.

“Technoblade does not belong to you,” Wilbur said. Technoblade swallowed hard as Tommy gently rested his arm over his shoulders.

“Really? I thought I already explained that to you,” The High Priest sneered, though the shakiness in his voice belied his fear. 

“Choke on a dick,” Tommy spat, holding tighter to Technoblade.

“Technoblade,” The High Priest said evenly, with only the slightest tremble. “Kill that brat that has his unclean arm around you.”

Technoblade stiffened at the order, finally looking up to stare at the High Priest. The nobles shrunk away from the High Priest, fearfully glancing at the Sleeping Empire’s forces. The High Priests' eyes were filled with manic desperation and spite. Technoblade wanted to shrink beneath the gaze. He…knew what was about to happen. He had tried for so long to avoid it. Maybe it was not something he could ever have avoided.

“I can’t,” Technoblade croaked, not looking away from the High Priest. Hoping the man would have some humanity and realize that Technoblade couldn’t , not wouldn’t. He was injured. He was tired. He wasn’t armed. He had no armor. He had already lost. What could any reasonable person expect him to do? 

“I see,” The High Priest’s tone was clipped, a facade of remorse on his face. Tommy gripped tighter on to Technoblade, flinching when his hand brushed against the metal cuff through Techno’s sleeve. “Then, Technoblade-”

“Dad, you didn’t get the brace-”

“Shit!”

Kill Theseus

Technoblade took a deep breath as the bracelet grew hot.

He had spent too many sleepless nights imagining what it would feel like if the bracelet was activated. How could he not? It was the sword of Damocles, constantly swinging over his head. But what it would feel like was unknown. It's not like there was anyone alive that could describe it to him. On his better days, he tried to ignore the weight of metal and the intent behind it. But many times he would find himself waking from a nightmare, absolutely sure that he was nothing more than a doll. That he was already lost. That even as his body moved and breathed, he was long gone. The perfect puppet, a shell of who Technoblade once was. 

He had wondered if he could fight it off. If the tendrils that intended to steal away his consciousness could be beaten back by his very willpower. Because his stubbornness had to win him something other than a smack across his face for a flippant retort. Or, if he couldn’t fight it off…would it hurt? Would he feel his consciousness shredded to threads while the High Priest paraded his corpse around the cloister as an accomplishment? Or would it be like he was trapped in his own mind, helpless as he watched his own body move? Would he howl and scream in the confines of his head, his body as a prison he could never escape?

Yeah, it was something that had kept him up at night. Something that gnawed at his nerves when he was awake. The unanswered questions about a fate he was desperate to escape. But he didn’t ever really think it would be like this .

This was sudden, like a flip of a switch.

Like the moment when you fall asleep, unremarkable and unnoticeable. One moment conscious of the blankets and pillow, the next wrapped in the arms of dreams.

One minute Technoblade was there. His fear, his pain, his regrets.

And the next, well, he was gone.

…

It was an absence of everything. No thought. No feeling.

It wasn’t peaceful because he had no understanding of conflict.

It wasn’t calming as he had no concept of dissent.

He had eyes that could see, that did see, that tracked his own hands as they struck out to push Tommy away from him. But he didn’t feel his palms press against Tommy’s chest, nor the rough rope rub against his skin. The break in his wrist didn’t register. He didn’t feel the polished marble under his knees as he tried to stand. He didn’t think about the consequences of his actions. He didn’t think at all.

He simply didn’t exist . The only thing that existed was Kill Theseus .

For a moment. Only for a moment.

NO!

Like barbed hooks, the voices began to dig into his mind, agony shattering the nothing as the voices pinned his consciousness down like a bug on a display. Stretched and taut as the endless void of Kill Theseus threatened to drag him down into the emptiness. A tug-o-war between the unnatural stillness of his thoughts and the angry mob's obsession. 

ABSOLUTELY NOT

We do NOT want this

TECHNOSUPPORT

He’s Ours!

His hands slipped from the knots tied to keep his hands bound. The rope falling from his wrists as his body moved of its own accord. Bright blue eyes wide with shock as he lunged.

Ours! Ours!

Someone kill the High Priest or Something! Hurry!

We do not accept this!

He didn’t feel the hand that wrapped around his wrist, arm pulled harshly. It should probably have hurt as it jerked his whole body off balance. Dark green robes obscuring his view of the room. 

Mods! Where are the mods? 

You can’t have him! He’s not yours!

E!

Ours! Ours!

Toppling backwards, his sleeve was pushed up and Technoblade swung his free arm at the face above. Blond hair and ice blue eyes not reacting as the punch hit squarely on his cheek.

Get it off! He belongs to us!

How dare they try to take him!

Ours! Ours!

Murder the High Priest, already!

The hand around his wrist shifted, wrapping tightly around the metal band. Another hand grabbing his free arm, an arm wrapped around his shoulders to prevent him from moving. 

Ours! Ours!

A single finger slid under the metal, pressing harshly on his arm to make room beneath the band. A trickle of blood as a sharp fingernail nicked the skin.

Ours! Ours!

oURS!

Mine.

Like a harpoon reeling in its prey, Technoblade’s stomach swooped as he felt his being ripped away, thoughts scattered as they tried to make sense of all the incomprehensible sensations.

He clenched his eyes shut as he desperately wheezed for air. He couldn’t stop shivering, and with every tremble he felt something digging deeper and deeper into his skin. Like a constricting snake, more and more he was crushed by an unseen force. Only unseen because he had his eyes closed , though. He needed to look. He needed to see. Before he was crushed into nothing.

Hesitantly, he blinked open his eyes, instantly blinded by the too bright blue sky above his head, not a cloud to shade him. A pained whimper escaping his lips as whatever bound him squeezed tighter. He blinked away tears, from pain and from the bright light.

Something wet and warm rubbed over his brow, leaving behind a sticky residue that smelled of decay and rot. Technoblade gagged and something roping and sharp wrapped tightly around his throat. Unbidden tears escaped his eyes and ran down the side of his cheek.

Shhhhhhhh. Yes, I imagine this is quite painful ,  Technoblade flinched as the voice entered his mind, amusement apparent in its tone. Once more, the same noxious touch slowly swiped over his brow. But it is necessary. Better a moment of pain than an eternity of oblivion .

Technoblade blinked rapidly, trying to clear the blurry moisture that blinded him. Movement from the corner of his eye drew his attention. He glanced at it the best he could, only able to move his head a few inches.

Red poppies, gently swaying in the wind. 

That-that seemed familiar.

The stem around his neck tightened, causing him to cough desperately for air.

Red liquid trickled into his eye as once more the touch pet his brow.

Lay still. It shouldn’t be much longer , the voice nearly purred. Not much longer now. You can endure this much . 

Tears fell freely now and Technoblade didn’t try to clear his sight, merely watching the wind toss the flowers side to side through watery eyes. He fought back a sob as the pain seemed to increase with every breath. Each gasp of air was desperate and each inhale was agony. Technoblade had too much to focus on to really notice where he was at first.

His head was laying on something. Something with a little too much give under the weight of his head for it to be the ground. And through the tears, he could see there was more than just flowers in front of him. Along the ground there were two legs, elegant red trousers trimmed in complicated gold patterns that would make any priest envious. But there were no shoes, only hooves where the feet should be. Blood spatter covered the legs like paint. 

Technoblade’s head was in someone’s, or something’s, lap. Everytime his breath stuttered in his lungs, once more the awful feeling would swipe across his face. It could almost feel comforting if it weren’t accompanied by a deep feeling of horror and stickiness.

Technoblade closed his eyes, the sight of the shifting flowers and unknown person not helpful as he focused on just drawing breath. The plants rubbing against each other sounded like whispering, giggling, a refrain of “ Ours! Ours!” on loop. But after some indescribable amount of time filled with pain, the thing under his head shifted and Technoblade blearily opened his eyes.

A hand reached over him. The skin sloughed off and coagulated into a glob of flesh before splashing on the ground with a strange sizzling. Instantly, the flesh grew back, this time fuzzy with short fur before seeming to fall off the appendage once more, muscle and sinew visible. Then just as before, the skin grew back, this time a putrid sickly green before repeating the cycle.

Technoblade whimpered as the hand rested its palm over where his heart would be, if it weren’t encircled by thorn covered flowers. 

Be still. You should be grateful to me. For it is I that protected your sanity when those that belong to Her couldn’t protect you , The voice bounced in Technoblade’s head once more. Though their mistake and my captors' arrogance does present an opportunity.  

The hand seemed to glow, a haze of crimson and Technoblade would have screamed if he could draw breath. His chest burned, like he had lit his heart on fire. But when the arm drew back, the pain was doused. Almost as if it was never there. Except, his heart somehow felt heavier.

Technoblade heard a chuckle and the hand moved to cup his cheek. Technoblade shuddered at the feeling.

Remember this moment when you are forced to choose. Remember whose hands held you .

Hesitantly, Technoblade followed the arm with his eyes, scanning up to the elbow, further up to the shoulder, up to the face-

Technoblade’s horror was soundless, breath trapped in his throat from fear. As he saw his own face, but with the skin from his cheek seeming to melt away as he watched, the teeth visible like a cheshire grin through the flesh. The actual expression was blank, unemotional, except for a strange glint of possessiveness from eyes that cried crimson. As he watched, a tusk grew from the being’s skinless jaw, jutting out in with blood dripping from the tip.

A hand, dripping in stinking gore covered his eyes, blocking his sight as his breaths came fast and panicked. The light of the day peaked through the gaps of the being’s fingers, filling his vision with crimson light.

Remember, you are mine. You have always been mine. And I will not lose you again so easily , The being near purred, but the rumble caused the very ground to tremble. 

The stems squeezed him so tightly that he couldn't breathe at all, his chest couldn’t rise or fall to take in air. He tried to struggle, but not a single twitch was allowed. He could only stare into the crimson blindness as he grew more and more lightheaded.

Dots started to fill his vision and the crimson seemed to glow brighter and brighter. The shade faded lighter and lighter. What once was the deep color of blood grew more vibrant and closer to the soft petals of a fresh spring rose. The black spots grew bigger, filling the edges of his vision with the red seeming to glow in the center. The red blob pulsed, taking shape out of the haziness of Technoblade’s thoughts. A few dots of black interspersed in the red coalesced into what seemed to be slits? Eyes, maybe?

Technoblade blinked. He-he could blink. And the blob of red seemed to swing from right to left, taking shape in his vision as he recognized the shape.

A heart. 

Faintly, he heard a woman’s laughter as he studied the heart. Yes, those could be considered eyes on the shape. It was-the heart was hanging on a black leather cord, gently swinging side to side, the glow slowly fading. A necklace? And-and the background wasn’t black anymore was it? It was a dark green. Technoblade blinked again, brow pinching in confusion as he examined it. It was-fabric? Yes, he could see the wrinkles as the fabric shifted. 

He blinked again at the movement, feeling a gentle squeeze on his arm. He glanced over, seeing a hand on his wrist. No, not specifically on his wrist. It was gripped onto a metal cuff. Thick black veins of corruption seeping into the metal as the slight glow around the iron seemed to spark and fade. And before his eyes, the metal seemed to flake and disintegrate into black dust and rust, falling onto the floor with little fanfare. Until Technoblade’s wrist was free, only a garish scar was left in its place.

Technoblade blinked again in confusion before realization struck.

The cuff! The-the curse! His eyes widened as he stared at the now empty spot on his wrist.

“You alright, mate?” Technoblade didn’t answer, still transfixed. The hand on his wrist squeezed gently. “Mate? I’m gonna need some kind of verbal confirmation.”

Technoblade blinked and glanced at the voice, the Emperor. He was kneeling, quickly stuffing the heart shaped necklace under his robe. He was looking down in concern. Technoblade  noticed the many aches and pains of his body start to come back to awareness, a strange prickling over his skin like when a limb falls asleep. He winced.

“Ow,” He croaked, incredibly eloquent as always. His voice felt scratchy. A snort had him looking upward.

“That works, I guess,” Emperor Philza chuckled. Technoblade just blinked at him, confused.

“Dad, what the fuck! You were supposed to-” Tommy started, before being cut off with a look.

“Shut. We will discuss it later,” The Emperor reprimanded. Gently, he lowered Technoblade’s arm to his lap. His fingers twitched, but he didn’t have the energy to move. Technoblade’s eyelids felt heavy and if he wasn’t leaning against Tommy he would probably fall over and go to slee-

Screaming jolted him awake and he turned toward the noise.

The nobles were all struck with looks of horror, one or two bending over to puke. But the screaming wasn’t from them. They seemed locked in silence, legs weak and shaking from fright. Technoblade noticed Wilbur, wiping his hands on his pants, a look of satisfaction. And then Technoblade finally found the source of the shrieking.

The High Priest was collapsed on the ground, right arm ripped off at the elbow. No, not ripped. It was like it had been crushed at the elbow. The remains of the joint were visible and shattered, pieces of bone fragments sprawled in the growing puddle of blood. Strings of sinew hung from the stump as the High Priest grabbed at it. The flaps of skin were unevenly ripped, squishing underneath the priest's fingers.

Technoblade winced as the voices in his head made themselves known again.

Deserved.

Deserved.

Absolutely deserved.

E!

The High Priest sobbed, curling into himself as he wailed nonsense. Maybe in prayer, maybe just in pain. 

“This has all been incredibly dramatic, and I’m not usually one to turn down a little bit of chaos. But I do have better things to do. So, how about we wrap this up, yeah?” Emperor Philza said, finally stepping up on the dias. Wilbur gives his dad a little salute before hopping down and walking to get closer to the nobles.

King Dante puffed himself up, the forced bravado brittle as the king’s hands shook. His face was set in an imperious mask. But Technoblade wasn’t paying attention to his face. Instead, he was watching the growing energy around the crown. It shivered violently, thrashing back and forth vigorously, giving off a sense of cruel delight.

“You have no right to invade the home of the Blood God’s divine chosen voice! His mouth piece! His-”

“You actually believe that, don’t you?” Emperor Philza snorted, shaking his head. 

“Of course I believe in the gifts of the Blood God! I-”

“Gifts?” Emperor Philza’s tone was withering as he paced. “Gifts aren’t stolen. You weren’t given shit.”

“I have no clue what you’re talking about,” King Dante clenched his teeth.

“Well, I guess that’s not entirely true, is it? You were given a book,” Emperor Philza stalked around the King, watching every twitch. “A very old book. A book that teaches very old magic. But you weren’t given it by the Blood God. No, I’m pretty sure the Blood God gave all of his attention to your brother, right? I seem to remember quite a show at his coronation.”

The aura around the crown swelled, Technoblade tasted iron on his tongue. He glanced briefly at the nobles’ reactions, frowning. They seemed fixed in place in fear, but their eyes latched on Emperor Philza. Technoblade stared back at the obvious magical display that seemed to grow around King Dante’s head. 

“Though, to be fair, you didn’t invite me to your coronation. It would have made your actions much more obvious.”

King Dante was silent, but his gaze burned.

“Oh, I struck a nerve,” Emperor Philza snickered. “Anyways, I don’t care why you thought it was a good idea to bind down a god in metal and magic-”

“I would never do such a thing. You-you blaspheme the Blood God’s will-”

“The Blood God’s will? What would you know about the Blood God’s will?” Emperor Philza sneered. “Oh, is it because of that fun little prophecy?”

“You-!”

“I wondered if you actually believed it. Or if you made it up. Because I know a thing or two about gods. And all of them are vindictive as fuck ,” Emperor Philza emphasized. “So why would a god give you, the man who stole their power for his own gain, a prophecy that benefited you?”

“I never-”

“Shut-” Emperor Philza stopped his pacing right in front of King Dante. “I truly don’t care about your lies or your delusions. What I want to know is the whereabouts of the man who gave you that book?”

King Dante glared, taking a deep breath.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Really?” Emperor Philza tilted his head to the side. King Dante pursed his lips tightly, not backing down. Which Technoblade could almost admire. 

Fast as a striking snake, Emperor Philza hand reached out and grabbed the crown on King Dante’s head. The energy swarmed and swirled, cracking and sparking with a fell light that suddenly had the nobility screaming, pressing against the walls of the throne room. 

Then it stopped. Dante scurried backwards, tripping over the hem of his clothes. 

Emperor Philza held the crown in his hand. It still writhed with energy, but slowly calming 

Technoblade clenched his teeth as sudden desire, sudden need to hold the crown threatened to overwhelm him. But he couldn’t move. He slumped heavier against Tommy, the blond adjusting Technoblade’s weight.

Emperor Philza examined the crown for a moment before tossing it to the side haphazardly. It bounced roughly off the dias. Technoblade cringed as he watched it roll further away from him. 

“Please! Please I just took the book. I don’t know anything.”

“I know that’s not true. A little bird told me they were here recently.”

“I swear. I swear I don’t know anything!”

“You do. The Blood God’s power might have protected you from the worst of Wilbur’s manipulation, but not all of it. Not when it benefited the god. You don’t have that protection now. So I will ask you directly.”

Emperor Philza wrapped his fist in the front of the King’s shirt, lifting him easily.

“Where is the bastard who gave you the book? That showed you how to bind a god?” Emperor Philza growled. “Where is the bastard who took and bound my wife ?”

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[wetwasteofagirl]

emdr for heff! part The End

I hope I can answer your questions!  I don’t have autism so I hope my experiences can be helpful.  MY mom did try to get me diagnosed twice as a child and then I had a neuropsych as an adult, and each time they were like “no she’s just weird.”  Okay thanks!  But still—this is something people don’t know & what I was saying last night about my post—bipolar is not ADHD but it will often imitate it because it’s the same brain stimuli gone fucking crazy.  My bestie has pretty intense ADHD and he and I often share ADHD coping techniques.  They help my life so much.  They don’t always apply because some of the things that affect ADHD don’t affect me.  But since I think there’s the whole AuDHD thing, they often go together, perhaps me and my pretend ADHD brain can be helpful to you too.   

In terms of physically, I don’t have a very great digestive system lol, and it responds very poorly to stress and anxiety.  This has only happened 2 times—the first intake session where I whipped out a bunch of things that are hard for me to talk about, and then one other time that I can’t remember.  My stomach started hurting right after the session and it hurt and hurt the whole night.  (My mom says the stomach stores a lot of grief in it, lol). This only happened twice, and it didn’t surprise me, and it didn’t last until the next day or anything.

I’ll say it can be very exhausting.  Sometimes the session ends and it feels like my brain hurts, because sometimes it starts throwing thoughts/images at you that are a lot to process.  This summer I haven’t had a session every week because of sickness/vacations, but in the spring I was having it every week and I was actually starting to feel a bit odd.  It was shaking up some old, bad feelings, like bad self esteem (I have questionable self-esteem: sometimes maybe good, sometimes maybe shit), and some bad feelings that I thought I’d already worked through came back.  It was interesting, because I decided this was because it was shaking up some things in my head.

I kind of equate EMDR to cleaning out a closet.  I have a huge walk-in closet in my apartment which is amazing because I am quite the maximalist and have a shit ton of stuff.   For yearssss I never organized it, it was full of piles of stuff, and it was getting me really stressed out.  So here we have Thanksgiving in November and my job gave me a full week off for that which was really nice, and so I spent days of that week cleaning out my closet.  Of course that involved taking basically everything out of it, going through it, vacuuming, filling trash bags, etc…it took days, and it was hard work, but I was very motivated to do it and by the end of the week my closet was beautiful.  It’s been 8 months and it’s still beautiful and I love my fucking closet!  There’s even extra space on the shelves now, which is amazing.

So my EMDR experience feels similar.  I’m in the part right now where I spend days taking things off the shelves, sorting things, donating things, taking out the trash.  When you’re cleaning and your place gets messier before it’s cleaner, that kind of thing.  So that’s what the resurgence of the bad thoughts felt like!  I think it’s from going into a hard place mentally and exploring hard, repressed stuff.  Like having my younger self in my head saying she doesn’t trust me.  That’s rough!!!  I almost cried, and I’m not really a big Crier at Sad Things.  That was hard to hear.  So that’s going to shake up your mind!  So I think you can’t have a lot of sessions at once—it’s probably good to take a break sometimes.  It’s rough on the mind, but also really rewarding.  I’ve had optimistic moments and moments where I’ve felt proud of myself.

A good therapist will also make use of the EMDR technique to do positive memories, coping skills, etc. I don’t respond well to most coping skills because my brain outthinks them.  I’m like “yeah, I know what this is for.  It’s just fake to make me feel better but it’s not actually fixing the problem!” But some of her coping skills are actually very effective, and after a couple of hard sessions, I did have better self-esteem and feel more optimistic after using the coping skills.  That in itself is pretty cool.

I personally don’t have any sensory overload during the sessions, other than every once in a while feeling some intense emotions.  But it’s not so bad on that front.  I will say as a caveat that due to my combination of mental health issues I have a pretty high tolerance for mental distress.  That’s the only way I’ve managed to still make it to this age—just being able to “put up with it” and keep going.  Idk if I’m super qualified to say how distressing it is, because it takes a lot for me to be like “I literally can’t tolerate this.”  But it’s definitely not that bad!

As for the intrusive memories, my trauma is different…there isn’t anything actually bad to remember:/ I’m kind of working on that concept right now, that a lot of the fears I’ve always felt weren’t based on something that was truly going to happen to me.  It’s kind of hard to explain without just saying what it was, lol.  So I don’t have that, but I do have these moments where I suddenly realize something I never thought of before and it’s very upsetting.  But it feels productive at the same time. 

Plus, a good therapist will check in and be like “how are you feeling about this part of the memory, where are you feeling it in your body, etc.,” so they’d be able to step in and help you.  It ultimately feels very rewarding, and I feel very proud of myself for doing this.  I said to my therapist the other day, I’m doing this to help the little girl inside, and I’m doing it to show that I care about her and that I’m independent and capable enough to be able to help her.  When she was younger, she couldn’t get help, and now she wants the kind of help that an adult can’t get. My little self wants Mom to come save her.  And that’s not how it works now as an adult, Mom can’t save me, and I as an adult don’t need that. But the little self thinks I do, and she’s unresolved, she needs the help, so she’s roaming around me bitter and angry. She’s like “I don’t care about your accomplishments, I didn’t get the help I need.”  That kind of thing. That’s hard!  That’s a crazy thing to have going on inside you.  But it also feels great to address the little self (or whatever age the trauma is coming from) and say no, I do care about you and I’m going to help you.

Also, any amount of “shaken up” I might feel after a session doesn’t last till the next day or anything.  It’s temporary if I feel it at all.

I don’t know if this answered any of your questions!  Also, feel free to always ask me any more questions.

I would say it’s probably something that’s worth it.  If it’s hard for you to handle a lot of thoughts and emotions coming at you, it could be an intense experience, but if that’s something you can power through, I think it’s really rewarding.  By the way, I’m not putting a value judgement on this, if that kind of thing is hard for you I don’t think it’s a weakness at all.  There’s just a family stubborn trait, and I have it, and I kinda take a beating mentally constantly, so I’m used to kind of toughing things out.  But I don’t even think it’s that dramatic! Just know you might see something weird in your mind, or something unexpected, and you might feel tired, but it’s for a good cause, it’s to help you and that alone is an empowering feeling!

[sincelastsession]

Came home. All my planters and shit was moved. A bunch of Taki chips were in my ashtray. I go to the office the office is like "oh we talked to your neighbors in 58 and 60" and I'm like "cool so I never had a problem with 58 but now they've fucked with my shit because you went and spoke to them" and they told me to get a ring doorbell and I'm like "so you think I can afford that?" "Why can't yall put cameras up because I don't feel safe with people messing with my property while I was just at the doctor"

And I told them that I spoke to my apartment management company and they say they couldn't do anything if the office had to take care of it.

I can't live here anymore because somebody has now come over to my spot and messed with my things in front of my home that's my property.

And they want me to get a ring door bell

And at the Doctor's office I had really bad tacky Cartier and I almost got sent to the hospital but I was able to have my pulse go down and they did another EKG on me and it was better so they sent me home and told me if it got worse to go to the ER and this is all basically stress-induced from PTSD and other things that trigger my heart problems.

And then yeah coming home to having like a pile of taki chips in my ash tray and then a whole bunch of shit moved around is not fun nor safe.

I don't care if it's some sort of fucking scare tactic

I am already scared and I don't want to deal with this anymore and my parents are like well we can't move you till the end of July or August and I'm like I can't handle this much longer I'm about to flip out

And they want me to get a ring doorbell I can't fucking afford one and my Mom wants to buy me one but doesn't know which 1 to get and I'm like please don't order me some things that I don't know how it Works or what it is.

And she's like will do your research and tell me damn it and I'm like we'll fuck I'm freaking out crying on the phone to you because I'm just had a horrible experience that he's bothering me to no end.

Apparently the office spoke to both apartments today so of course everybody's in the pool that just got treated and they're all being fucking assholes

And I told the office that they know it was me because the courtesy officer came and spoke to me personally and the people in apartment 60 have a ring doorbell themselves that they can hear everything I'm saying if I go out on my balcony

And of course my neighbors who say that they don't speak Spanish but obviously speak english because the office was able to speak with them in english just fucked with my shit

And those weren't the people that I had an issue with those people actually are probably part of organized crime and I don't fuck with them because of it there's very big signs that they are and I don't mess with them. Generally they're quiet they might have a barbecue and the only problem I had with them is that the barbecue smoke was getting into my apartment and I could not air out my apartment because the smoke would just get in it more and hurt my animals my ESA animals

I am so stressed out right now I couldn't even concentrate to pack a box to get ready to move and I cannot take more of my anxiety medicine and my stress levels are overpowering the medicine I took a full milligram this morning and I still had tackle cardiac and issues at the Doctor's office when I was just going in to get a cardiologist referral

I am tired

I cannot speak to my father about this because he's an asshole in a nervous wreck because he's starting a new job and I understand what his real concerns and problems are but I don't understand why he has to be psychotically mean.

Mom is spending the night

My partner is having a hard time and I'm stretching myself paper thin trying to be helpful but I'm about to hit nonverbal

Like I thought today would better.

[hopesandmountains]

You know I’ve pretty much am realizing that all my previous relationships (if you can even call them that) have just been limerent attachments to unavailable people (either emotionally unavailable or just like actually unavailable, or both really), and that it really hasn’t been healthy for me.

I think on some level I always knew that I was pretty much emotionally unavailable and had a bunch of attachment issues, so I just kind of avoided any kind of normal relationship, but the idea of there being someone (especially at the time when I was feeling overwhelmed) lead me to getting more attached to the idea of a person than the actual person themselves.

And I guess this wasn’t really the worst problem back when I had a healthy social circle, yeah it still held me back from having healthy relationships but I wasn’t exactly going to solve my attachment issues overnight, and I didn’t meet anybody safe enough and someone I was sure enough about to take that risk (attaching too quickly too early to the wrong person can really mess you up in the long run)

But even limerent attachments that are more imaginary than real can mess you up. I pretty much wasted two years of my life on someone I didn’t even have a relationship with and spent a majority of my time focused more on their issues than my own (which were piling up).

At first they were more of an excuse to not see anybody else, and also something to look forward to at a time when I was able to sort my life out better. Except my life wasn’t as easy to sort out as I thought, and they were a real person who was interested back not just some imaginary being.

And as time went on I didn’t realize but I was getting more and more attached to the idea of being together, and against my better judgement, let myself get attached to the actual person (who I barely knew in reality and was widely different from the idea I had gotten attached to).

And of course any attempts to make things work ended up in disaster (we were both emotionally unavailable), but at that point I was attached and losing that attachment at such a point in my life was going to be difficult, and I think what I was really worried about was that I would just transfer that attachment to someone else.

And at this point it would just sound more healthy to see someone else (and to an extent it probably would’ve been), but putting on that level of emotional attachment to someone else would’ve been extremely risky (I think anybody would be afraid of forming an intense bond with someone who is essentially a stranger), and keeping that attachment with someone unavailable was safe because they couldn’t hurt me on a deep emotional level if we never got to that phase of being in a deep emotional level with each other.

The real problem being is that this attachment (really to whoever) was fulfilling an unmet need and I really didn’t how to just let go of that attachment.

But the trade off was that I was still investing a bunch of time and energy into something that was never going to pay off, and letting go of that attachment was just an awful experience once I had finally convinced myself it was the right thing to do.

And it also stopped the both of us from going out and finding someone we could have a true connection with.

So yeah definitely wasn’t healthy, but I’m in a better place now and now am better realizing my needs so I can address them and heal in a more healthy way. Really limerence can be a sort of escape from the reality of things, and if you have a difficult time loving and accepting yourself, using an imaginary idea as a crutch can help out but will never fix the problem.

You have to learn to heal the attachment wounds, and learn to truly have love for yourself. And while that takes time, it is possible. And you will have to believe that it is possible because it will also take effort. But it’s worth it.

[the-firebird69]

Watch "Chris De Burgh Don't Pay The Ferryman (Original Official)" on YouTube

The River Styx is forming in Missouri and forming in the Mississippi it is a massive pile and it is about 30 ft deep and a half mile wide and it is where the muck was at the mouth of the river and East River and soon the ships will push it out we expect around 5:00 p.m. that's in a couple minutes two or three smaller ones about a mile each will push some out there and in about an hour about 30 to 41 mi ships will push a decent amount out probably in a plume that's tight about 5 miles wide and 10 miles out and people will be horrified globally and that will attract smaller crabs up to a foot and people will go and grab them and they'll say before they are eating which is not true but they'll grab a ton and keep grabbing them and then it will stop and people think it's safe but around 10:00 p.m. about 4:00 or 5 3 mi ships will come out of both or each that is and plow out a cone of 5 MI at the river mouth wide and it's about 20 miles in about 20 or 30 miles wide and that's pretty much what it's going to be all skeletons does a blast through it and the waves water and turbulence will move it and that's going to be a disaster pass the one foot crabs 3 ft and then 300 ft down 4 ft 300 ft down or South I should say 5 ft 400 ft South 7 ft and about 3 mi away they're 10 ft but when they start moving they're ones that are 20 30 ft can see them and they follow them from a distance and they watch them they can see about three miles away and I'll see them eating something and they want some so they'll come out and really big ones will see them going up and eating something and it's going to be a nightmare tonight around 11:00 p.m. and midnight will be worse and there's going to be a war against crabs it's not really funny but you idiots are stupid and you get clobbered by them and if someone in the middle and there's not really too many cities is New Orleans but they avoid the city who the hell knows why if they do it with coral too they don't walk in the coral they basically hurts them so they go out to the countryside and they see you and they go after you and they think you're krill or something and you're small on your tasty and you're warm and you feel good going down so he's a ton of you and they're coming bigger and one of them says watch out there's some equipment or some big crowd of their own and they look at it and they back in the backing off and it's firing stuff and you're trying to find something to throw and they found some rocks and making big dents in the steel and it keeps throwing them and they take a lot to hit once so things surround by rocks since frying like mad at the ones throwing the rocks and stops once they stop throwing and the others leave no they move in and start ripping it apart and you find little krill inside and say these things are attacking me and it's not killing them all and with one fell asleep the whole place is gone but really it's learning experience cuz these things are not as stupid as it sounds and they take out tons of you and you seem not to care and you're strange. Along with that giant fish start forming after the crab are almost completely exterminated and they go around eating all those small crabs in the remnants they gang up on big ones and they come too big and they fish them out and some people bring poster too small and one of them is time to be and it says and rises and he's doing the bobber and it's like the worst thing you could do with the fish now they want to see the contrast at the top so you're getting there and he's going in and he couldn't do it he had to start swimming and he got away but barely and that's what the songs about and a bunch of movies start some of them right away one of them in China and yeah those are giant mutated crabs

Thor Freya

This is disgusting story I started but he the two finished it this is just really rude but it starts specific rim too and it also begins Forrest Gump and it starts the movie Greyhound which is going to lead into the movie and I ran there's several top gun and one time at all Bay

Hera Zues

Olympus

[ceyrann]

The vibe of the relationship you’ll share with your FS

Yes I’m doing this. A random Pick-A-Card cuz I was feeling the mood to do something and here’s that something.

The theme of this PAC is something I’ve not done or tried before, so this is Heavily For Entertainment Purposes Only. Take whatever that resonates and just drop the rest. No worries.

Arts and readings are done by me btw I have not done doodles like this for a very long time so please forgive the terrible quality lmAO.

Anyways, y’all know how it’s done. Pick the pile you’re drawn to and go wild. Piles go from left to right, top to bottom.

This is shorter than what I usually do but of course, it's a spur of a moment kinda thing so, have fun!

Pile One:

Yo y’all have a bunch of mental energy going on here with a bunch of Swords popping out for y’all. Pile One, your vibe of the relationship you’ll share with your FS is something that’s very verbal and mental. I get the image that you two are prolly pretty sarcastic people who like to catch words and use them against the other person. Strangers will often ask why y’all are fighting and you two just go “Nah this is our communication method”. That kinda bickering and sibling energy. Eventho y’all are each other’s partner lol. Bunch of clashing bright colours lmAO.

However, there may be an excess of this energy, where y’all might end up hurting each other with your words unknowingly. Thing is, you’ll prolly think you’re just being oversensitive, when you’re not. Proper communication is needed and you’ll learn to place proper boundaries from there onwards. From there, you’ll be more at peace and can banter without going too far.

You two probably share a similar dream, having a similar goal to achieve. Which is why y’all can communicate without much filters because deep down y’all know how the other person thinks. But yeah, everything should be at balance.

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Pile Two:

Different from Pile One, y’all have a bunch of Cups hahahahaha! 

Pile Two, the vibes y’all share are certainly more emotionally inclined. I’m getting a feeling where one of you will have puppy eyes and like snuggling or cuddling. For some reason, I feel that you’re someone who thinks about your childhood or past, even when it’s not the best or the healthiest you’ve experienced. 

Sometimes, the soft comforting vibes between you two can go turbulent. It’s like soft ripples turning into crushing waves, from warm clear colours turning into murky dark rages. And these all are due to the emotions that were running out of hand. The Emperor and Queen of Cups are reversed here which gives me the feeling that you both are unwilling to compromise.

You two will need to make decisions and choices, and support from religious or some traditional custom may help? But either way, just make sure to understand each other and accept things with gratitude. Ripples are calm, but waves are the reasons why surfers can surf. There's ups and downs in life and tho difficult, I believe y'all will go through them together.

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Pile Three:

Hello Pile Three! This pile gives me the feeling of beginnings and idk why I have the thought that your pile is the type who’d fight stereotypes and crush whatever that does not serve any righteous purposes.

Don’t ask me why am I saying this lmAO.

Anyways. Your vibes are pretty vibrant? Y’all are the types who’d get things done and just… Act. If y’all wanna change the interior of your room? Y’all just immediately get the paint and start painting the room. Kinda thing. 

Tho I also have the feeling that you two are prolly spenders. Not a bad thing to indulge in the nice things in life but this is bound to start conflict since you two probably have different interests and hence, spending on different things. But one thing I really really like about your pile is that y’all are not afraid to ask. When something’s not right, when a conversation doesn’t go well, when emotional expectations are not met, etc. Y’all ask and talk things out.

Things are not all roses and beauty, but your pile work to find the balance in life and it’s really beautiful imo.

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Pile Four: 

Pile Four, I’m sensing A LOT OF FEAR HERE. Especially when I see the cards it had me going “Ummmm is this a vibe check with FS or what now???”

But also, I feel this may be the vibe of the relationship you have before the other person becomes your spouse? It’s like… “Wow this person’s really cool but I don’t think they’ll be interested in me? What do I do??” kinda energy. 

There’s a bunch of colours that are mixed up and are a bit disoriented? Doubts and not taking action? No but for real.

… This is supposed to be a vibe thing but I gotta say what I gotta say I guess.

Pile Four, I understand sometimes you feel weirded out cuz The Universe is giving you something you never thought of getting, but you shouldn’t feed into your fears. You’re worth the good things in life, that’s why they’re here for you. Nurture yourself, allow your dreams and purpose to guide you to where you are. You need to overcome your fears and insecurities yourself. Sure, there are supporters around you, but ultimately, you’re the one who needs to take the action, you’re the one who’s deciding your fate.

Once you’ve done the job for yourself, you’ll only be able to welcome a new beginning with your FS.

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Hope y’all have fun and do lemme know your thoughts!

[arc-misadventures]

Truth Defined

The Knight, and the Amazon lay in a pile of rubble, each slowly picking themselves up as the blew away clouds of dust away from them. The, White Famg had prepared one hell of a bomb to take out the Atlas delegation. No doubt figuring out they would never get the bomb close enough to kill them, they would just have to make the bomb strong enough to level most of the building, and the surrounding block in the process.

But, they had stopped it! By taking it as far away from the building as possible because they couldn’t disarm, a tamper proof bomb. So they took it to an empty construction site, and let it go off there.

Unfortunately they had been caught in the blast, but things could be worse, no?

Jaune: Ow…

Pyrrha: That was… something…

Jaune: That’s putting it lightly…

Pyrrha: But, we made it out okay in the end! All is well in the world!

Jaune: Pyrrha…

Pyrrha: Yes, Jaune?

Jaune: My arm is broken.

Pyrrha: What?!

Jaune: Yep… That blast sent me flying back, shattering my arm when I hit the wall…

Pyrrha: But, you’re aura! It should have protected you!

Jaune: It did… mostly, hold on, I can still revamp my aura… That should fix it…

A golden light soon enveloped, Jaune as his aura slowly recharged. Mending his bruised body before concentrating on his broken arm with a…

“SNAP! CRACK!!”

Jaune: …

Pyrrha: ?!

Jaune: ow…!!!

Pyrrha: Y-You okay, Jaune…?

Jaune: Yeah… Yeah! I’m okay! Oww…

Pyrrha: Good… S-Sorry I didn’t throw that thing away sooner.

Jaune: Honestly, I know you’re strong, but that thing was heavy! I’m amazed we even got it down here, let alone the fact you managed to throw it with your lasso.

Pyrrha: Speaking of: Where is it? I let go of it, when the bomb went off…

Jaune: Lets go find it then…

Pyrrha: Sure, just give me a moment… Ahh… Oh that’s gonna leave a mark…

Jaune: Need a refill?

Pyrrha: Yes, please!

Jaune: Hehe… Okay, one refill coming right up.

Jaune, made his way over to his bruised, and battered partner, gently placing his hand on her shoulder before flooding her with his golden aura. Her red aura shinned upon contact as she gave a soft and contempt sigh as she fell her aches, and pains wash away.

Pyrrha: Haa… That’s the stuff… Thanks, Jaune.

Jaune: No problem, now lets find your lasso, and head back to base.

Pyrrha: Any idea why no one told us about the, Atlas delegates?

Jaune: Ozpin, probably thought it would be for the best if it remained a secret.

Pyrrha: And, why is that?

Jaune: Safety of the dignitaries; The less people that know they’re here, the safer they’ll be, or should be that is…

Pyrrha: Must people hide everything in secrets?

Jaune: Yes.

Pyrrha: And, why is that; Can’t people be honest with one another?

Jaune: Well… The way I see it, there are three types of secrets: Good, Bad, and Grey secrets.

Pyrrha: Three types of secrets? That’s an uncomfortable thought.

Jaune: Yeah it is… The good secrets we keep to help another, the bad secrets we hurt another with. Then there are the grey secrets.

Pyrrha: The ones that can both hurt the person, but are kept from them for they own good.

Jaune: True, but I mostly see them as the secrets you don’t want to tell anyone about. Mostly because your scared how… Oh, found it. Anywho, I mostly keep my secrets to myself because I’m scared what might happen if I told anyone about them.

Pyrrha: You have secrets like that?

Jaune: Of course I do, who doesn’t?

Pyrrha: Fair. But, I bet you’ve got some juicy secrets.

Jaune: Ehhh… Depends on who you ask.

Pyrrha: Oh, like what: Hidden diary, secret cash stash, secret lover?!

Jaune: Nothing like that, my greatest secret is that I’m hopelessly in love with you, Pyrrha.

Pyrrha: Eh?!

Jaune: But, nothing will come up with that… I mean… I’m just some kid pretending he is a knight playing about like he is also a hero. Then there’s you, Pyrrha Nikos, Amazonian Princess. Saviour of Mistral, and a bunch of other stuff. You’re loved, and are famous the world over! And, I’m just… I’m just me… What possible chance do I have of getting with someone as fantastic as you, Pyrrha? Sure we’re good teammates, and all, but is that really the basis of any long lasting relationship? No, no its not. I want to love you openly, and smother you in love, and affection, but I’m not good enough for you… You can do so better than me. So, I’ve got to try, and become better than I already am, but at this rate… I guess, I’ll just keep this secret to myself, and maybe one day, I’ll feel like I’m worthy enough to tell you how I feel. The tell you I love you, Pyrrha, with all my heart. But sadly today… Is not that day…

Jaune finished talking when he took a glance at his partner to see her staring with the slackest of jaws, and the reddest of faces, as she tried to say something, but all that came out was a stuttering mess. Jaune looked at her perplexed for a moment when like lightning realization flashed before his eyes. He stared at, Pyrrha with a blank expression before he looked down at his hand, and saw a golden light from, Pyrrha’s golden lasso, held tightly in his hand.

Jaune: …

Pyrrha: …

Jaune: Ah ha… The… The Lasso of Truth… I-I thought you needed to have it wrapped around you… not… not holding it… D-Does this happen often…?

Pyrrha: N-Now a-and then…

Jaune: D-Do you by chance have something… something to top this…?!

Pyrrha: N-No… No I don’t…

Jaune: Oh… Okay… shit…

Pyrrha: S-Sorry…?

Jaune: …

Pyrrha: …

Jaune: L-Let’s get going!

Pyrrha: YES! W-We’re need to tell the others… stuff… Stuff about the mission…

Jaune: But, not this part!

Pyrrha: Not this part!

Jaune: Yeah! Haha ha ha…

Pyrrha: Ha haa…

Jaune: …

Pyrrha: …

Jaune: Let’s just go already…

Pyrrha: Yeah…

///

Pyrrha Nikos is Wonder Woman!

I was going to mention that at the beginning, but I thought that would spoil the surprise.

Just wanted to explore the idea that the, Lasso of Truth accidentally making you make an impromptu love confession. Thought it would be an interesting idea.