#like wow maybe i'm going crazy here??? i've had a lot of those moments these past few months

[bandzboy]

I've been a stay for 6 years, I've seen all the bad and the good things, and skz have been a really important part of my life. With everything that was going on, I decided to take a break from skz until this whole lose my breath era was over. Now I wanted to come back for their new album, but it just doesn't feel the same anymore. It's been months yet nothing has changed, they haven't apologized or addressed any of the concerns, they are still working with zionists. Their lyrics seems so meaningless now, this is from their new song "Head above the clouds, stand tall for the hell of it. Tower over crowds, don't pause 'cause I'm lovin' it. Heavy and I'm proud, backbone never suffering". In the past I would loved this song, but now them saying this while being silent about a genocide and happily working with zionists, just feels wrong. I know that one person leaving won't change anything, but I don't think I can support them anymore. As much as it hurts, it's time to admit that they really don't stand for what they used to.

anon i'm honestly on the same boat as you and tbh your feelings are valid if you decide to unstan it's truly okay bc i get you! truly i've been following everything going on and it's insanely sad that so many stays have been trying their hardest to make them know but all we get is silence. it doesn't help that jype is also trying to silence people too but you know it just sucks because there's no way they haven't seen it at this point there's no way they don't know their fandom is so divided over this ever since the lmb release. i wanna believe they are good people but it just so crazy they keep being tied to zionists or hanging out with them and it feels like a slap in the face every time i am not gonna lie and unfortunately, they aren't the only group that is silent rn and it truly makes me question all the people i stan at the moment and what their intentions are... like i truly sit here and think to myself what the really reality is! i can't be excited about things anymore because of how everything is looking rn. i knew i wasn't gonna tune in for this next skz comeback when the lmb fiasco happened because unfortunately it tainted everything for me and it's sad! i don't know what i'll exactly do either but since i'm so dead set on making things right and to keep pushing it i am sticking around for that because my interest in kpop is kinda slowly going away and it's sad. even tho i want idols to have better working rights and it's something that i will always bring up and, i'm very passionate about you could say, it's hard for me to stay knowing that these people are so comfortable being silent and it hurts to know this was probably the plan all along. the way when people started to bring up celebrities speaking up, people were already not including kpop idols with everyone else like... the group of people that should speak up and i think that was the moment that i realized how wrong everything is like how we expect them to essentially do nothing and not gaf about anything and that's messed up ESPECIALLY coming from groups like skz that have lyrics that are very much about rebellion and fighting back oppressive things and so on and it makes you really think that yeah maybe this whole shit was just a concept to them and they don't bring that into their real life. it just sucks atp i'm just venting i could go on because i have SO MUCH TO SAY i'm just now realizing i've been bottling this all up almost but yeah all of this to say that i truly truly get it and just know you aren't alone when it comes to feeling like this towards groups you stan because it's happening to a lot of people atm

[astonmartingf]

BEST OF INTERVIEWS: KATARINA LOMBARDI (MERCEDES AMG)

LICENSE TO DRIVE ; f1 driver!oc x platonic! f1 grid

. . . best interview moments with katarina during her time in mercedes amg (2017-2020)

amgf i said i'm not writing but really i just miss her, every single day she's on my head actually, the amount of hcs i have in my notes about miss katarina... crazy

"What is your go to activity if you're sad?" Katarina reads the question from a random pile of papers before setting them aside at the edge of the table.

"I watch Kimi winning the 2007  championship in Brazil. To me, that was an important highlight. I was ten at the time, I felt represented as a Finnish-Italian, Kimi winning Ferrari... Good times."

"In an interview you said that you started karting when you were three." The reporter asks, as you nod your head in reply.

"Did that make your journey easier or harder as a driver?"

Katarina thinks for a moment before speaking to the microphone, "It definitely had some advantages, the journey wasn't the easiest to be here, as a female there were some hurdles that I had to wait and make space for myself. But there were definitely privileges that I was aware of, one being that I lived in Europe and there are a lot of tracks to practice, not only that but my mother also taught me a lot as a former racing driver. These can happen hand in hand, so when people discredit my achievements as a woman in motorsports by countering that I am privileged, I am aware of that. Racing is a privilege, and to see how far I've made as a woman makes me even proud of my achievements. It wasn't the easiest, but it's rewarding."

"What are the three things Katarina Lombardi can't live without?" Lewis asks, reading the question on a cut piece of paper inside the bowl.

The female tilts her head, "Maybe food? What? I could just answer things like water, food, air, or do you want personal things?"

Lewis cackles at the side, clutching his belly, "Okay, I think this is to get to know you more so maybe apart from the obvious I mean... what else? I also can't live without these three so I think they meant a personal item."

Katarina laughs, thinking once more, "My notebook, I have a journal— well multiple journals so those I would want to keep with me. Maybe my cross necklace as well, we have to remove jewelry when racing so sadly I remove it but instead of looking for my watch I want the necklace back on after races. Last would be my manager's cell phone number."

"What? That's so random." Lewis exclaims, laughing once more at her outlier response.

Katarina shakes her head, "No you don't get it. I haven't got my phone number memorized, but my manager's, I know it at the back of my head. If I'm in trouble or someone wants to ask me something I give them my manager's number, easy. Not their personal number of course, the work one but yeah, it saved me a couple of times... A lot of times actually..."

"How well does Katarina Lombardi, know about Lewis Hamilton?" Lewis reads the cue cards in front of his hands, filming another video for Mercedes.

"Not that well I'm telling you." The female whispers under her breath while playing with her own cards.

"That's not even the question yet!" Lewis steals a glance with raised brows appalled by his teammates response. "Not that well? I'm offended."

Katarina bursts into laughter, "Wait that wasn't the question? Shut up!"

Lewis stares blankly into the camera, pulling the cards closer to him, shaking his head in disappointment. "Wow... I thought we had something— I thought we were friends, and you pull this."

Katarina shakes her head in denial, "No wait! Let me explain, I thought that was the question. What are we filming today?"

"It's a quiz, look here it reads, "How well does Katarina Lombardi know about Lewis Hamilton" that's the video about."

"I thought the video was about something else, I swear believe me." Katarina shakes Lewis' arms as the older man turns away from her.

"Now you're just saying whatever you want." Katarina is left laughing, trying to console Lewis sulking at the other side of the couch.

"What do you think of the 2019 season?"

Katarina scrunched her nose, "Worst season ever."

Her reply caught other drivers off guard, Max, Sebastian, and even her own teammate Lewis turned around in confusion. Katarina shrugs, "I mean, Kimi is not in Ferrari so it's shit."

Her reply caused other reporters and journalists to laugh, "What's so funny?"

Max shakes his head, pulling the microphone to him, "You caught us there, I thought you've gone crazy, you have five, six wins and constantly on the podiums. When you said the season was the worst I was about to argue."

"I thought it had something to do with me, please, watch your words. Almost gave me a heart attack because what was so bad about the season?" Lewis adds laughing along with the others.

"Well I'm sorry, I can score points and still be sad, without Kimi who else will represent me? We all know I'll never drive for that silly horse."

The drivers turn around to face Sebastian, lips pressed in a thin line, forcing himself not to laugh, "I'm contractually not allowed to say anything but I think everyone in the grid knows that."

"What are your prospects for the upcoming season?"

Katarina grabs the microphone, thinking about giving a PR answer or one of her own, "Well, I don't have a seat for the 2021 season but I'm always available and talking to teams so, I guess we'll figure it out together."

"How is the season going on for you at Mercedes right now?"

"Well, it's still the same, you got to perform for the team, even now more since I need my portfolio to look good for the next team. I'm joking it's still fine, I'm talking to Toto and Lewis and it's all good, I do know who is replacing me so it's fun and exciting. You'll find out soon, no need to worry about me and the upcoming season, I'm still here to race for the team and hopefully the season will be good to us and for my future endeavors. Thank you."

[kelcemenow]

Birthday Suit - Chapter 3.

Pairing Travis Kelce x Reader

Words 1616

Warnings Lots of fluff and some strong language.

So, this was supposed to be the final chapter but I'm enjoying this request so much, there will be one more after this! “Request!!!!! Travis and the reader meet on a club in Vegas they immediately hit it off, as the night continues the enjoy the Vegas strip having fun and once they get to his room travis really shows the reader how much he adores her. Fluff / smut”

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

Your bare shoulders stung in the cool evening air as you bounded out of the casino, clutching at your stomach laughing.

""Woooh" Travis yelled, his fists raised high.

"But isn't the point of going to the casino to win money?" You giggled, "You lost!"

Travis shrugged his shoulders, "Who cares? We had fun, right?"

"You seem pretty relaxed for a guy who just lost $2000."

Travis raised his eyebrows, "Alright, alright, where next?"

Your hands ran along the top of your arms in an attempt to cover them from the cold. Travis noticed and immediately began removing his jacket.

"Here." He said as he draped it over your shoulder.

"Woah, hold up big guy. Is this not a bit too...emotional and romantic?"

His eyes sparkled with the city lights, "Maybe. Look, I know this whole thing was my idea but it's killing me. I think you're awesome, and what's crazy is, I don't even know anything about you."

You leaned slightly closer to him as you walked, "I know. I could be a murderer or something?"

"I'm prepared to take that risk."

You stomach fluttered and there was a comfortable silence, the only sound being your footsteps on the pavement and the sounds of the city.

Suddenly, Travis stopped and turned to you, "Okay. How about we play 20 questions?"

"Is that your idea of getting to know someone?"

"Is that your first question?"

You lowered your head and laughed under your breath.

Travis ghosted his hand over yours for a moment before gently intertwining his fingers with yours, "Come on, it'll be fun."

You looked up at him and exhaled, "Alright, let's do it."

Travis began walking, "Okay, what's your biggest fear?"

"Wow, we're getting straight in with the heavy stuff? Okay." Your skin tingled when you realised he was still holding your hand, "I'd say failure. I have a pretty serious job and I can't drop the ball, like, ever. It's a lot of pressure, but I suppose I thrive on that. I like those moments of all or nothing, you know, the difference between win or lose. But the feeling of the loss is not something I like to feel often. So, I put my all into my career, it comes first for me most of the time. I suppose that's why I never seem to have a stable relationship. No offence, but most guys can't handle it."

Travis smirked and looked down at his feet.

"What?"

He snickered slightly, "No, nothing. Your question."

"If you could have one super-power, what would it be?"

"Oh easy. Either teleportation or super speed."

You playfully nudged his arm, "I said one! You can't have two, that's just greedy!"

"Alright, okay." He paused as he thought for a moment, "I'd have super speed. It would come in really handy."

"Handy with what?" You looked up at him.

Travis held out a finger and waved it in front of your face, "Ah ah, it's my question now. Favourite vacation spot?"

You rolled your eyes and pursed your lips together in thought, "I don't get to go on vacation often, but I went to Bali after college, and it was so beautiful. I've always wanted to go back, as an adult, you know, and appreciate it properly."

Travis nodded, "Okay, yeah. I get it. Good answer." He tightened his grip slightly, "Next question?"

You took a deep breath of evening air, "Why were you so determined to get my on my own tonight when you had dozens of girls crowding around you?"

Travis smiled wide, "Because you were so intriguing. You weren't pawing at me because of who I am or what I do. You genuinely seemed interested, and I like that. You were just out there, having a good time, dancing with your friends and honestly, I can't deal with girls who are only after me because of the fame. I like real connections, you seem real to me. Straight-up, you know?" He wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you in closer, his lips next to your ear, "And to top it off, you are so beautiful."

Your lips crept into a smile as you walked but you slowed down a little when his words repeated themselves in your head. Your eyebrows lowered in confusion, "Wait, what do you mean because of 'who you are'...what does fame have to do with it."

Travis pulled at your arm, "My question next. Favourite sex position."

Your mouth flew open with a laugh, "Wow, okay. We're going there? Alright, it sounds boring but I like the classics. Missionary is up there at the top for me. I like eye and body contact during sex." You stopped walking and turned to face him, "You know, the feeling of our bodies pressed together, my thighs wrapped around your waist, your mouth on my neck." As you spoke, you got closer to him, lowering your voice into a whisper, "Staring into each others eyes, deep and long kisses, dragging my nails down your back."

You stopped, only inches away from Travis' face as you watched his eyes glaze over and his lips quiver.

He cleared his throat and blinked a couple of times as he opened his mouth to speak, "Uh-"

You quickly turned and took a few steps away from him, "Or bent over with my ass in the air is pretty good too."

Travis' jaw dropped open, "Oh come on, girl. Don't tease me like that!" He jogged to catch up with you, hugging his arms around your waist from behind.

"My question now!" You said happily, "Okay, I gotta know. Who are you? You keep dropping hints about fame and the fact that you had people surrounding you in the club, I don't get it! Who are you?"

Travis chuckled, "So, my name is Travis Kelce." He paused for a reaction but continued when your face didn't change, "And I'm a Tight End for the Kansas City Chiefs."

You turned and stared at him, wide eyed, "I'm really sorry but you just said a lot of things that I don't understand."

He laughed again, "I play football, I'm a football player."

"Oh! Right, yeah. I get it now." You jumped a little as your voice raised, "Wow, okay. That's pretty big."

Travis rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah to be honest, people usually know who I am."

"Yeah, sorry about that! I'm not a big football watcher, I never have time!"

Travis swung his arm around your shoulder, "I like that. Really, it's kinda nice. It's...refreshing." His mouth moved into a smile. "When you said earlier about people expecting a lot from you, experiencing a lot of pressure and not liking to lose...I was laughing because that's exactly how I feel."

Your eyes creased into a smile, "So, you totally get it, then?"

He nodded, "What is it you do?"

You looked up at him, "Is that your next question?"

He narrowed his eyes a little, "Yes."

"I'm a lawyer."

Travis stepped back slightly, "Oh, shit."

"Let me guess, that's scared you off?"

He stroked his beard, pretending to be in deep thought, "This is some serious information. This means I'll never win an argument."

You laughed and grabbed his arms and pulled him back to his previous position, his head resting on your shoulder, "That's right! Okay, my turn. What do you look for in a woman?"

You felt his cheeks move into a smile against your own, "I find ambition very attractive. I love it when a woman knows what she wants, and works hard to get it. I don't know, there's just something so sexy about an independent woman with her shit together. But I don't want someone who takes themselves too seriously, you know? I'm a bit of a class clown so someone who I can laugh with is important."

You felt him tighten his grip and you almost felt yourself melt into his arms. Quickly, you spun in his arms so you were facing him.

"Eyes are a bit of a weak spot for me. If you got a good set of eyes on you, oh baby."

Giggling, you fluttered your eyelashes at him.

Travis bit down on his bottom lip and looked away from you, "Don't man, I'll be a mess."

You stopped walking and moved closer to him, your bodies almost touching, "It's your turn next. What's your next question?"

Travis took a slow breath in and his gaze flickered to your mouth, "I think I know enough."

"Enough for what?"

"For this."

Travis slowly moved in even closer, his eyes fixed on you. Your breath hitched as his lips connected with yours, an intense heat rising in your chest. Your eyes flickered shut and you tilted your head to the side, deepening the kiss. As your hands moved up his body, you teased his tongue with your own, dragging it along his bottom lip. His large hands took hold of your ass, giving it a gentle squeeze as you pushed your body against his. Travis groaned and the vibration on your mouth sent waves down your body. You swore you could feel something pressing against your hip and once you grazed against it, Travis' gentle moan confirmed for you. He quickly moved his kisses down to your neck, smiling against your skin when you threw your head back and gasped. Your hands found themselves at his head, dragging your nails along his buzzed hair. When he pulled away, his glazed eyes blinked in front of you.

"I think I have one more question." His voice was deep and gruff, "Will you come back to my hotel room with me?"

______________________________________________________________

I love flirty Travis! The next chapter will be the final one, where all the smut happens so if you want to be added to my taglist, just let me know!

Taglist @kkrenae @keiva1000

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

august 25, 2021 8:00 p.m. the black pearl

[grant] well, i know it doesn’t fix the existential angst and you shouldn’t ever feel like it needs to go away instantly, but i guarantee you will be a good dad.

[grant] any kids you have will feel loved. they’ll be set up for the future no matter how everyone’s lives play out. i know you’ll do your best, and i know soobin will, too. you guys have worked so hard to have such a long and healthy and sincere relationship.

[grant] and the fact that you’re worried about any of this means you’re going to do a good job. shitty parents and shitty partners don’t ask if what they’re doing or about to do is wrong.

[grant] everyone is going to make mistakes sometimes but it’s about getting most of it right, and i believe you will. soobin doesn’t hold it over your head that for a while, your fear made you a little controlling. you improved and she forgave you. you’re smart, you’ll adapt, and most of all, you should know you’re loyal. at the end of the day, a parent who puts their kids first and never turns their back on them is the best parent in the world in my eyes.

[grant] mistakes can be forgiven if you put your kids first and treat them like a human being who matters.

[henry] thank you. i appreciate it. that means a lot coming from you.

[grant] and i understand your main fear in the first place. i've thought about it many times. i never worried about myself dying but others dying. elizabeth, uh...yeah. those big family losses seriously will ruin you forever in one way or another. the way you lost your father only makes it worse. it does strip away any feeling of invincibility you have.

[henry] you can say that again.

[henry] i'm glad someone understands.

[grant] you can never really know, i guess, what’s going to happen to you or to anyone you know, and it’s not helpful to say it’ll be fine because we all know crazy and terrible things happen. it's unfortunately mathematically true. but trust me, i'll kill you if you die!

[henry] you’ll kill me if i die? haha.

[henry] thanks for making me laugh, too.

[grant] yep. i will re-kill your ghost.

[henry] i'll kill you if you die.

[grant] thank you, buddy! you’re a real one.

[henry] dude, ugh, i googled life insurance policies a month ago. ew, adulthood.

[grant] life insurance is a good thing to have, though.

[henry] it is, it is. even if my hypothetical kids just buy a fucking pool with the money.

[grant] i mean, if it benefits them, right?

[henry] let me add a note to the policy saying you can either get an in-ground pool put in or free college tuition–one or the other.

[grant] does that include getting a sick ass waterfall feature installed on the pool or no?

[henry] by the way–

[henry] disclaimer that this is just an idea, not concrete at all, but soobin and i briefly mentioned moving back to korea as a way to make sure our kids have a good life.

[grant] wow, really? it is worth thinking about! it is rational. most of your family is here and all of soobin’s family does live here, and you do have to consider what’s best for you and your family, current and future. before i did move back home, when i was with you know who, i thought about this, too, if we ever had kids that maybe we could or should move back to michigan so they'd have my whole family around.

[grant] and just so it’s on the record, you have my full support in any decision here.

[grant] are you interested in moving back?

[henry] i don’t know. i haven’t lived here since i was five years old. i've only visited, and then came back for one year to do the military service because i was wary of giving up my citizenship. but i almost did because truly, i did not want to go into the army. that shit sucked.

[grant] what does soobin think?

[henry] well, it was her idea. i'm very whatever about wherever i live. i feel no strong pull one way or another at the moment. but it’s different for her.

[henry] she lived here much longer than me. she cares much more and has a preference. i mean, she spent pretty much her entire life here except since college and during the school semesters between sixth and twelfth grades because her parents sent her to a fancy private school there.

[henry] i will say, soobin’s main point isn’t wrong, and it's the one you brought up. most of our family is here. it’s like you and michigan. that’s where your folks are. and that support is invaluable when you have kids, both for their social development and for financial reasons. plus, my mom actually wants to move back. she never talks about it, but i know she does.

[grant] i get that, too.

[henry] like i said, she’s just never been the same since my dad died. which i don't fault her for. she does her best to be happy, you know, but i think she feels very alone, even more now that i don’t live on the upper peninsula anymore. she was with him forever. they were soulmates. and her life drastically changed after he died.

[henry] this has been the first time she's had a job since, god, the 1980s. she loves being an art teacher for school kids, but that's a huge change in addition to the sudden loneliness.

[henry] and on the loneliness side, she has your family and they've been close for a long time.

[grant] she was literally over at my aunt bridie's house the other day making shampoo with her.

[henry] yeah, so she sees them pretty often and she also has her book club and some other friends, but she knows way more people here. seoul's where all her family and friends are.

[henry] i want my mom to be happy, you know? it’s my job as her son, and i'm the only child she ever had. she doesn’t need me to look after her every day, not really, but i want to and she deserves that. and truth be told, a part of me believes that if she comes back, i would feel not very good about being away from her.

[henry] i think that if i encourage her to come back or talk to her about it and she does go through with it, that would sway me more to soobin’s side. again, i want my mom to be happy, and i'm also scared of losing her. it doesn’t matter if it’s sudden or slow. i don’t want to lose her, and especially not if i feel like i've spent my whole adult life away from her, not prioritizing what time is left with her.

[henry] not to be morbid, but she’s almost 60. at some point you do ask yourself how much longer you have left with your older family members around. life is unfortunately very short.

[grant] of course. that’s totally understandable. she's a great mother, and you wouldn't want to miss out on that. and i'm sure you don’t want your kids to not have their grandma present in their lives.

[henry] but then i have to start over with my job and maybe i lose contact with my friends if i leave. i do have friends here–sorry, they weren’t able to come hang out this time, maybe next time–but my real two best friends are in michigan. it’s you and ben. i don't let anyone else get that close to me except for soobin because to me, my best friend slots are full. i don't want anyone else. no one else is worth it.

[henry] and i always said you’d be my kids’ godfather. i don’t want them to miss out on knowing you the way they should.

[grant] there’s facetime! and i'd come visit. and i'm so goddamn annoying, i will be texting you about everything i think about in the world for the rest of our lives. you're not going to lose me.

[henry] i try my best to believe i won't lose you.

[grant] also, don’t stress out too much about this yet. you do not have to make any of these decisions now, and when you do need to, the right answers will come to you.

[grant] and listen, one last thing and then i'll shut up. i don’t know how, i don’t know why–i don’t think there is an answer to this–but the people we lose are still with us, even if only in spirit. i am famously a skeptic, but i felt something this year that changed my mind. i know you miss your dad but he’s still with you. somehow he’ll see your kids grow up, and he’ll be there guiding you to make the right decisions.

[grant] your dad loved you, like, beyond what words can express. he loved your mom just as much. he would never willingly leave you. if there's something after this mortal existence, he's still with you.

[grant] oh, and we should probably eat this pizza before it's frigid.

[henry] fuck, i forgot about it. thanks for reminding me. yeah, let's demolish this pizza, and then i'll take you to that cool arcade i told you about. we'll make up for the awful arcade experience at your cousin's bachelor party.

[licensed2faint]

Hey everybody! I'm a pro battler, currently in my 'on' season after taking an extended break, although tight at the moment I'm at home.

I tend to go by a lot of different names for personal reasons, but you can call me Laser! If we include my break, I've been battling for TWENTY YEARS THIS YEAR (wow!) but honestly I've been around trainers and battle-trained 'mon my entire life.

I'd love to connect with people here, whether for battling tips, advice for pokemon in the home, or anything else!

I have/had a LOT of pokemon (I ended up opening a preserve/ranch with my S/O with our prize money for the pokemon that didn't want to be released into the wild or become a housepet at the end of our journeys, so please rest at ease that everybody is being taken care of!) so I can answer questions about most any types.

I'm Hoenn native, and my Blaziken is my best friend. I've taken the gym challenge in: Hoenn, Sinnoh, Johto, Kanto, and Unova, so that's where my knowledge lies. I'm not very familiar with fairy types, sorry!

At home, feel free to ask about any of my 'mon! I've got a bunch, so don't feel shy about asking!

And now I have Sponge Cake the Feebas as a non battling mon (atm!) I'll see if he wants to evolve and maybe enter him in battles or contests, but it's definitely too early to force him into anything.

Newest Ranch Arrivals:

Popstar the Sneasler

Bokeh the Metagross

Amanda the Aerodactyl

Michael the Flareon

Custard the Lillipup (just hatched!!!)

((ooc stuff under the cut!))

(If any of my backstory doesn't fit your blog's canon, I am A-OK with saying that we somehow connected internets through a spatial rift!)

I am totally and fully okay with 'is the picture cute?' style blogs interacting! In fact, I encourage it!

I have memory issues, so I apologize if I don't recognize your blog or remember where you are in your storyline

The games that are canon to Laser's life are Ruby, Platinum, SoulSilver, and Black! I'm definitely counting other games as having 'happened' but Laser did not live through them, and only sort of knows what went down.

Laser has defeated the Elite 4 in those games, but takes pains to disguise itself in each new region it takes the challenge in, to avoid too much publicity. However, after beating the league, it doesn't care to maintain the disguise, leading to being kind of a famous cryptid type character.

Because of this, it will be cagey about its life, but may let things slip accidentally!

As a side note, I want to play the emotional ramifications of the events of those games somewhat seriously! Laser was in therapy for a good long while, both because of said events and also a tragedy that occurred at some point which it was struggling to cope with.

I don't wanna expound too much on its backstory yet, but I will keep record of anything discovered here for ease of access to newcomers! Feel free to poke a bit at it, but please keep in mind it will react like a real person!

pelipper mail is off while Laser is traveling, but on while at home, magic anons are always off, but musharna mail? I think is crazy funny so that is ON. Mystery gift is tentatively on, will make a concrete decision once I catch the vibe better.

BACKSTORY UNLOCKED:

-Has serious beef with Giovanni and Ghetsis, but seems to give the other teams wiggle room...

-Knows Maxie well enough that he calls it out on its bullshit and bad habits

-big thing happened sometime between leaving kanto and going to unova

-makes occasional trips to the Distortion World, but is hesitant to speak on that

-started its journey early, back when ten years old was the standard

-Someone named Thomas lives in a cave on preserve grounds

CURRENT PLOT: NONE!

(i follow from @tigirl-and-co)

[mattmurdocksscars]

“Only my favourite people get my special kind of sass.” for Mister Murdock pleaaaaaaase

Here you go, my love!

~

You were convinced Matt didn't like you. Foggy and Karen tried to assure you otherwise but why else would he always be so sassy with you? Even when you were trying to be serious, he would make some quip.

You wanted to be brave enough to call him on it, but you also didn't want to upset the dynamic between you and the others. You didn't want anyone thinking you were too sensitive. But damn if Matt didn't hurt your feelings sometimes. You think he knew it too because he those were the times he'd backtrack and try to reword what he said. You usually brushed him off and ignored him as best you could after moments like that.

Why did he have to be so difficult? You just wanted to do your job and help as best you could. Yet all he gave you was more and more sass.

It drove you crazy. One day you'd had enough and finally snapped.

"What is with you and all this sass?! What did I do to deserve this?" And Matthew Murdock, God damn him, gave you the most sheepish look you'd ever seen.

"Only my favorite people get my special kind of sass." You stopped, frozen in your spot across from him. You couldn't compute what he'd just told you.

"Did you... favorite? Really? With all the sass you give me?" You were shell-shocked. Matt continued to look as innocent as he could.

"Yeah. If I didn't enjoy being around you, I'd be way more formal." You just stared and stared. You were glad Foggy and Karen weren't around and that Matt was blind so no one could see the look on your face.

"Okay, well... for future reference, maybe lead with the favorite person part. Cause I've just been assuming you hate me." At that, Matt looked shocked and immediately began stumbling over his words.

"What- No, I- I don't hate you!"

"I get that now, genius."

"I'm so sorry you thought that. I swear it's not true. Can I take you out to dinner to make it up to you?"

"...Are you seriously asking me out after I just told you that I thought you hated me?"

"Well, when you put it like that..."

"Alright. I'm free Friday night."

"Wait. Seriously?"

"Yeah. You have a lot of making up to do and I expect to be wowed, Murdock. Friday, 7 pm. I'll meet you here."

And with that, you walked away leaving Matt in a state of awe.

"Damn... I can't believe that worked."

"I heard that, Murdock!"

[wmarximoff]

Now that I've read as much as I can of dftr I have many thoughts and questions, so get ready...

At the early stages with the kids - Would Wanda become more 'normal' because she's distracted by her kids, maybe even making R a little jealous due to the fact she doesn't have all of Wanda's attention anymore?

I know you've said that R didn't want kids and wouldn't out right neglect them when it eventually happens but would there still be a moment of "wow this is my kid" for R? And at this point R realises the care they have for the kids or no? If it is like this I can see R aging another role of 'perfect parent' but she'd still need to kill someone to satisfy that craving... But also as the kids get older would R have a different place to kill her victims because she won't be able to do it in the basement any more

Another thing I'm curious about is R's friends - you mentioned Wanda killing them in the future (because they'd be the ones to turn R in) but right now as R and Wanda develop their relationship do the friends wonder how Wanda/R are even still together? But also as the relationship goes on they're like "oh R is as crazy as Wanda" because of how possessive R is (even with R's 'act' of being a normal person I feel like there will be moments where it slips and her friends see it). Or even the marks they've left on each other and the friends joke to R about her being "kinkier than they expected"

Either way I'm wondering - would the friends think, even with how weird the whole relationship is, that they're cute together and they're actually happy for R?

Like I said I have many thoughts but I think I'll leave it here for now 😂

Ok, let's go step by step!

About the kids, I believe that at least part of this I ended up answering in this post here. R would definitely have a lot of trouble really connecting with Billy and Tommy, but she'd probably really accept that they're an important part of her after they're a year old or so. She would indeed end up forcing herself to accept their existence for more superficial reasons (and thus unconsciously repeating her parents' footsteps), but to maintain the image of a good Samaritan with the perfect family they would have to be a perfect parent, and you can't do that when you avoid your kids like they're pestilent or some shit like that lol

So you can believe that yes, R will force herself to try for them… in a way. Which implies having to kill outside the house, and not keeping victims captive in the same environment where she lives with her family. Which means Wanda will get what she's always wanted: make R stop keeping other women in the house just for her own fun. Convenient, huh. Totally unplanned.

About R's friends, the fact that some of them will have to leave in the future is indispensable. As Wanda and R's relationship grows and takes on greater proportions, slips will happen and some heads will roll because of it. But yeah, the relationship from the outside is pretty weird, to say the least, for R's friends.

One day she was single and the next she'd been dating Wanda for a long time, but no one had even heard of her before. It's possible that R's social mask ends up falling off at times and she becomes overly possessive of Wanda while in public, but as Wanda has never really hidden how jealous she can be towards R and they know R as an extremely docile, good, friendly, kind person, everyone will always point out Wanda as the red flag of the relationship ("Y/n's such a good person, isn't she? I don't understand how she can date someone as problematic as Wanda").

It's been said before that R's friends don't really like Wanda's presence around because she's very territorial, but over time they would learn to deal with it (or at least most of them will… and those who don't won't be around long to question lol). After all, in public they just seem like an adorable couple, it's true. So while most people would find Wanda a little weird, they would learn to live with the idea that she will always be there.

About the marks on their bodies, R and Wanda manage to cover them very well most of the time and most of it is done in hidden places that only they will see. If any hickeys or scratches show up, it will probably only be mocked superficially as some "kinky shit" and that's it.

[13beachesxx]

starting to wonder whether i was neglected between the ages of 12-18 and had to parent myself through it. never thought it was possible since there was always somebody in the house, but none of those people took an active parent role in my life so...what did that leave? mom was gone for the majority of that time, dad was also gone. aunt was there but her day to day responsibilities towards me and my sister were making sure we got our dinner after school. we were left entirely to our own devices after that. i can't remember a single time anybody ever helped me with homework or schoolwork, sure i was always an independent creature when it came to that stuff and maybe if offered, i would have turned it down, but nobody was even checking or keeping track of a single thing i was doing. the only time i remember mom & dad joint parenting was when i got suspended for that card thing when i was 9/10, and then they were gone again. maybe in the same way that her projects are her distractions now, she sought other countries and programs and studies as a means of escape from here, which is not really impossible to imagine given everything that was happening in our home and the kinds of toxicity people unleashed on each other. but why didn't they take us with? why didn't me and my sister get the luxury of also moving to france, to los angeles, while she studied and worked and found herself? it hardly seems fair in retrospect, not for the nice luxury life that would have afforded but for the escape from the crazy abusive person it would have afforded. maybe i wouldn't have taken on so much damage if they had done that. maybe i wouldn't have sunk into the depths of anorexia and all the other darkness. maybe, maybe. it's all speculation and What If's but i'm realizing a lot of major things in this moment.

it feels crazy to say i was neglected because i felt the opposite of that, but maybe i'm only thinking of material issues where i was clothed and fed and in that sense, i never had to worry. but anything above that, emotional and developmental issues, i guess, i was on my own. i figured it all out on my own. i always used to be surprised myself at my independent streak, going off to live alone at 15 in a different country for a summer and not suffering in the slightest for it, not missing home or family. quite the opposite, i felt like i was thriving. maybe that's because i've always been parenting and looking after myself since i could remember, or at least since the age of 7/8 when we left moscow and that close, real family unit i had felt so solidly for a couple of years instantly dissolved. when we were in moscow we were a family unit, the four of us, and even that is crystallized in my mind as the Best Part. whenever anyone else got added into the mix, shit started going sideways. i do believe my parents would've grown apart regardless of all the outside insanity and forces pushing on them, but maybe they would've lasted longer together. maybe even up to my graduation. we could never be a solid unit in that home where She resided, and it's crazy i'm realizing this now and none of the adults could back then. They should've seen the problem clear as day and then moved us out. i would have rather lived in a smaller apartment and do with less than have to share with her (and grandma, love you grandma but you too were perpetuating that bs).

it's taken this video to make me realize all of this, but wow, way too many of these apply to me and even that too is somehow me bearing witness to myself that i did, indeed, experience childhood trauma. even now i'm so reticent to call it that because some Part inside of me is like "you ungateful shit, what about X and Y, and Z". as if abusive dynamics can't exist in families that are well off, in children that are spoiled, that have their every whim fulfilled and then some. as if abuse can't happen to any person in any home regardless of these circumstances and you have to have lived some kind of Tiny Tim upbringing in a house like the Cratchits to have Really Been Neglected.

none of my friends grew up like this, we all had some level of privilege or wealth that afforded us, in the first place, the education it did, and everything else after. But every other person who was in my friend circle did fine, and did not suffer the way I did because their family was not toxic and twisted at its core. maybe A*****'s, but her toxic mother was out of the picture long before she moved here and her dad had seemingly taken on two of his stepchildren with a kind of love and care that would otherwise not be seen in someone not biologically related to their kids. though irony of ironies, that applied to me too. Ana's parents up and left for italy and she too, i'm sure, felt a hole inside and a great neglect because I remember her tears, missing her mother, the diary entries, all of that. In a way we were similar in that regard, except I don't ever remember crying because I missed my mother. Pretty sure i was already shut down and emotionless by then and feeling nothing about it all. it was just the way things were, and i did not mind. maybe everyone just dealt with their shit and stiff upper lipped it, and i'm the big baby who couldn't handle it all. it's either that or what happened to me was Much Worse than what happened to my friends or even to my sister, it can't be any other thing. and i can't work out which it was, as if it even makes a difference, because the damage was done and my body went into dissociation mode and my mind left its home and neither quite fully returned for a good 12 years. i'm still working to put myself back in my body and mind fully, even now. which is crazy. maybe by 40 i'll have gotten there. i hope so. i need to learn to be present once and for all and to do it before i die. it's not my fault in fight or flight mode i took permanent flight, bu it sure is my responsibility and even duty now to restore myself back in order. i'm tired of feeling incapable of doing things and want to feel capable of everything instead.

[tekutiger]

FFXIV Patch 6.51 !!

Good Gods a lot has been happening. I finally have a moment to stop and post something 😅

I've been tending to my own personal island, traversing a new island, braving a crazy new event that Manderville added to the Gold Saucer with these hyperactive beans?

I'll be posting a lot of screenies below, some potentially spoiler-y so... unfold the cut if you're interested.

(I'm more or less posting these for sentimental/archival purposes but) Fall Guys Event!

Very anxiety inducing at first but once I got the hang of it, not so much, and rather fun 😎. Ngl though, I did stop queueing after getting all the glamour and pets I wanted, and reaching one win 👑

I need to hop back in for a couple more things but my router is literally dying and I'm waiting for my ISP to come out to fix the issue first. A lot of people, including myself, are learning from this event that the snapshotting sucks. So, I'd really prefer to have my net fixed before attempting to queue more.

Oh!! Something I wanted to throw out there for people who don't want to run this a whole lot but want to put the Fall Guys furniture to use. If you just buy ONE piece of each thing, you can place multiple of that furniture item on your island. Go crazy and make a "fun space". I've been considering doing it, lol. Just food for thought 😋

Island Sanctuary!

I'm not even remotely done here yet. I've hit Rank 20, got the Felicitous Furball glamour, and the 100k crowrie mount/bike, but there's a 200 Felicitous Voucher mount that is going to take agesssss to acquire. I've seen some people with it already. Likely bought the vouchers off the MB or traded with friends. The going rate for those vouchers on my server is 90k-95k each (atm). Buying all 200 of them would make the mount 19m (currently). I'll be patient and slowly earn them, lol 😋

Aloalo Island!

Okay, I'll just be transparent here. I love the Variant Dungeons 🥰. Maybe Zenos wasn't wrong when he was blabbing on about how I'm an adventurer looking for a challenge, or a test of skill. I feel like Variant Dungeons do that decently enough to keep me in a good place (don't get rusty), but don't push me too much to be annoyed (*cough*fliptables*cough*). I'm not a raider- I'm not OP. But I do like a little push or a challenge here and there.

So, for me, I see these as fun, with rewards that are worth the time and effort.

I cannot say the same for the Criterion version of them however. I haven't done them and I see a lot of people raging over the terrible rewards. If it's that many people, it's worth looking into and from what I have heard, they're right to be upset.

If you need raid gear to do Variant Dungeon and the reward gear is under or on par with the raid gear that's needed to do it- that's a huge no. I don't have all the facts or experience to know first hand how true that is though 🤷🏻‍♀️

Posting these 👆🏻 because this is my favorite path. I've always loved mimics and had this slight obsession with them since I played Ragnarok Online many years ago (my first MMO ever).

Silly little treasure chests, you're so evil and cute 💝

(Coulda sworn I got a screenie with the parasol but I cannot find it 🙃. Same with the new hair on my female bun... might edit it in later but probably not.)

Edit: (I'm editing one in at least 🙃)

❘✧༻༺༻༺‿︵‿༻༺✧*̥˚‿︵‿ °∘❉∘°‿︵‿*̥˚✧༻༺‿︵‿༻༺༻༺✧❘

World of Warcraft: Retail (The War Within, Worldsoul Saga)

So, totally unrelated to FFXIV, but also related in a way... my BFF's BF talked her into playing WoW again, and she talked me into playing WoW again, lol (with the help of the cinematic). It's been FOUR years since I've played.

The reason I say it's "related in a way" is because I want to still play FFXIV at the same time and upkeep my FFXIV 'muscle memory'. I started doing the Loporrit Dailies recently - need to continue doing that. I still need to hit Series Level 25 in PvP - so I'll continue doing those daily. I need to continue getting my Island Sanctuary Felicitous Vouchers. And lastly, I began doing the weekly Custom Deliveries for Anden and Margrat. I intend to finish those for the Glamour and Mount. (It boggles my mind how people can say "I'm bored" in FFXIV. There's SO MUCH to do, always. Just admit that you're not bored, you're lazy 😑.)

If the muscle memory thing doesn't make sense, here's an example: It's when you drop/neglect one game for so long (let's call it Game A) to start playing another (Game B), that you completely forget the controls or lose the reflexes you once had for Game A, because you're too consumed living in Game B. I do not want that.

Just thinking about returning to WoW, I feel a bit overwhelmed. All of us used to play Horde for the majority of our gametime (my BFF and her BF, & some of my other friends who've quit). But before I quit, I was trying to make the permanent swap to Alliance (played Alliance for about a year). She's still playing Horde with her BF so I won't be playing with her unless I continue to play Horde. I'll need to find an Alliance server. It'll be cool if I can find a guild that has people who play both WoW & FFXIV. I need to look up which addons I'll need. I fear for all the crap I left in my inventory LOL.

But mainly. When I saw that new cinematic with Thrall and Anduin my heart broke. Anduin has gone through so much trauma in the time I have been away. All I could think about was "Wtf did they do to my King?" And now I feel like I'm crawling my way back and I'm over my head on how to do it. I need to know what happened to him.

(In BfA,) Azeroth turned into a joke and I was isekai'd away Anduin, I'm so sorry 😭. I'll bring some of the light back with me and give it to you, from Eorzea 💖

(FFXIV x WoW collab, when?)

[mmm-amba]

i'm... sick!

i went a bit too crazy after finals week so it makes sense that my body was like girl no. i was around a lot of people and had weakened immune system! i am indeed, mortal. the last week i've just been sleeping and having a headache, and in between i've been trying to do fun things like journaling and beading and reading.

-- interjection -- but JID's voice is sooo good! i honestly haven't really listened to JID until like today. he reminds me of Black captain jack sparrow. which is exactly what i said about smino. so it makes sense that they're going on tour together. and guess who has one ticket! me! i'm gonna get there early though because it's at a ballroom. i'm convinced to go because of those pretty girls chatting about going when i saw phony ppl. i wonder if i'll bump into them. i gotta learn all of JID and smino's discography in the next few months.

but wow, this tiny desk is very very good energy! i love the girly on bass, teja, with her fuckin pink and silver bass. like the strings are hot pink! what in the beautiful! i love how bass players all seem a bit shy but funky.

i've been meaning to do some gratitude writing so here i go! things that i am thankful for...

food things. kimchi. during fall quarter, i ate kimchi everyday with my breakfast. it's just really tasty and i don't have to cook to enjoy something tasty. and, peanut butter because it's nutritious and filling and makes a quick meal too.

second chances, new beginnings. it's crazy to me how much life can change in a short period of time. i'm so glad to be in an environment where i can find myself, find my little kid self again.

finding the right people. in the end, that's what life is right like finding people who share the same set of values, view life from the same angle. it's comforting because i don't feel like the crazy one! being around the right people makes my anxious thoughts go away.

opportunities to take my life where i want. this is freedom but this is also responsibility. like what do i want to do with my life. well i want to pass my quals but... after that... not so sure!

being able to grow in my relationships. it's so beautiful to me how friendships are very touch and go. you're together for a moment, without expectations until the next time you are together. and maybe some friendships weren't meant to last, and that's something i find incredibly common among e asian american women, and... that's okay. i thought about why that happens but not enough to be able to write it out yet.

letting go of wanting an "everything" friend. every friendship serves a different role in my life, and expecting someone to be able to serve them all is... very stressful! it causes disappointment and burnout. i'm so glad i'm not in the mindset anymore! lowkey expecting someone to be an everything friend is kind of toxic.

taking walks. also, taking evening walks at home. feeling safe when walking around.

and lastly i am thankful for myself. i think i am interesting and have entertaining hobbies. so living my life through me, making silly mistakes like i do, all in all it's quite okay and i'm down for the ride :)

[elleroodles]

elleroodles ___ of the year awards

movie

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE SWEEP!!!!

runner ups r smile and uhh. i really don't know what else i watched that came out this year. do i have to say don't worry darling. i watched that with my mom and neither of us liked it that much but i did think it was more interesting than where the crawdad sings buuut crawdad had a good twist so idek..... i liked smile tho it was goofy and dumb and really great to watch in a theater with my friend. anyways eeaao has a fun acronym and is soo os oso good i don't think i even need to say that because well it's an objective fact but something i really appreciated upon a rewatch was how well it sticks to being bizarre but also coherent. like there's so much happening at any given moment but the movie gives it to u in a way that you can process, and while a lot of this is through having a protagonist like evelyn, it's also just really really good storytelling! and the flow is sooo good that movie is 2hrs and 19mins but does nott feel like it. luv it. everyone go watch it again please

show

i put this category here then realized i didn't really watch any shows that came out this year then realized CHAINSAW MAN!!!! one of my fav stories my fav manga probably i would need to think about it but i do love chainsaw man . sizzling hot take tho the anime is losing me. that's why the top spot goes to SEVERANCE!!!! even though i'm not done with it yet anyways let me have my safe space to air grievances about the csm anime. I THINK IT IS TOO PRETTY. maybe idk. there's just something off to me about the anime adaption as a whole idk what it is but i thiiiink it might be the style? the animation is so incredibly gorgeous and a masterclass in everything ever so i want to make it clear that i do not have a problem with the quality of the animation or art but i think its a little too. clean? idk! the csmiverse feels a little too gritty for the tone the anime has set. but we are getting into darker parts of the story now so maybe i will be proven right! that or yoshida will be introduced and they'll make him so pretty i won't even care anymore. anyways the other runner up is smiling friends i watched that show in its entirety at like 1am with my dad and we both liked it

album

starting this list there was only one album i knew for sure would make it in but then i checked and wow some music has been released this year.... top spot is going to shock everyone my aoty is HELLFIRE BY BLACK MIDI! reason: it's really good . thank u for coming. for real though i had never listened to a black midi song in my life until hellfire was the album of the week in the little music club my irls and i have and i listened to it and my third eye opened fireworks went off behind me a lightbulb lit up over my head etc etc i thought i had a broad taste in music but apparently not because HELLO? there's a lot of sounds here! and they're all really good! one of those things i think people should listen to at least once in their lives so they can either fall in love or get a shirt that says 'I LISTENED TO A BLACK MIDI ALBUM AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS DUMB T-SHIRT AND GOOD SOUNDS IN MY EARS.' extremely close second place is bleed out my the mountain goats the goats are the goats of concept albums like hello. and third goes to brightside bc i've been a slut for the lumineers since day one baby. i saw them tour this album actually and they shot confetti during birthday and even though i was all the way in the back i still got a piece and keep it in my phone case

game

i played three games that came out this year. did you know that. you do now because i have to expose myself for this top 3 list anyways i love POKEMON LEGENDS ARCEUS! i got it around release whenever that was. january i think. and it's such a cozy game. def in the top 5 mainline pkmn titles. i looove the open world aspect even if it's a little boring i don't care because i'll see a bidoof and go WOAHHH IT'S BIDOOF!!! crazy stuff i wish i could just go outside and see a thing in my front yard. the bugs scared me away from scarvi but my friend showed me the little tea party things. and i nearly caved. but then i picked up legends arceus and had such a good time that it saved me $60 so THANK YOU!! runner ups are rf5 which runs like hell on the switch pls buy rf4 instead and twewy. which i bought 12 hours ago because it's on sale right now

thank u all for coming

[kyovtani]

𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 – 𝐤𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐢 𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮 (𝟐)

— pairing: Kyoutani Kentarou x female Reader

— genre: smut, angst, little bit of fluff to keep the balance; tattoo artist!kyoutani, inexperienced!reader, strangers to lovers!AU, SLOW BURN

— word count: 9.6k

— warnings: swearing, mentions of infidelity and violence, as well as the consumption of drugs and alcohol; smut: corruption kink, degradation and dumbification, dacryphilia, praising, spitting, (soft) dom!kyou, oral (m. receiving), fingering, dry humping, unprotected sex (dont do that kids), impreg kink, iwaoi say hi-

— (A/N: and here’s part two! thank you SO much for all the love you sent my way after i published the first part. ngl i was a little nervous bc i thought it was boring and not interesting at all but you guys easily pushed me out of that hole so thank you for everything. i love and appreciate you with my whole heart. all the love, zade xx)

[ part one ]

— summary: after fucking up, you make it your mission to get him back..(im so bad at this pls just- okay.)

"He's not picking up, Hana", you say, another soft cry falling from your lips before you bury your face in your pillow.

“Once in my fucking life a guy treats me good and the way I've always wanted to be treated and I had to fuck it up. Why the fuck am I like this, Hana? Why can I not enjoy one fucking good thing in my fucking mediocre life", the profanities keep coming just like the tears and the amount of frustration and anger rushing through your veins is nowhere near normal anymore.

"Calm down, love", Hana sighs and makes you sit up so she can look into your tear stained face as she tries her best to make sure her words actually find their way to your pain clouded mind, "at this point you shouldn't worry too much because you do know Kyoutani, don't you? He does lose his temper a lot, so give him the time he needs and then you'll show up at his doorstep, suck his cock and make up with him, yeah?", she explains calmly.

"If this hurts you so much, why the fuck did you even say he's just a friend, Y/N? I really don't understand", Hana mumbles and lets out another sigh, her hands caressing yours softly, managing to calm you down a little bit.

“You're right, I should just– give him some time and things will eventually fall into place", you reply after crying a little more and with an encouraging smile your best friend nods at you before she suggests a movie marathon to which you happily agree.

At least something to distract you from all the demons inside your head.

After changing into your pj's and doing your night time routine, you plop down onto the couch next to your bestie again, her eyes focused on the phone in her hand and knowing she's probably either sexting or inviting her new boyfriend has you shrugging at her lack of attention as you start looking for a good movie to begin the night with.

However, just when you're about to read the description of some kind of french rom-com, Hana puts her phone back into her lap and starts staring at you with her pretty eyes widened in shock.

"What's wrong?", you ask and turn to look at her, reaching for her hands but before you even get the chance to touch her, Hana unlocks her phone and holds it up for you to watch someone's instagram story.

The video begins with loud music, a crowd full of young college students whose faces definitely are familiar.

Everyone in the video is dancing, making out, smoking and just chatting in a random living room and every now and then there's someone yelling in the back – a typical college party.

However, just as the video is about to end, the camera shifts to a tall male leaning against the wall, obviously standing really close to the person who's filming and it takes you a full blown thirty seconds to realize who said male is.

Kyoutani Kentarou.

You stare at the phone for another minute, your throat dry and your head empty as a thick veil of tears slowly starts blurring your sight before you finally decide to pay attention to the username.

"He can't be fucking serious", you hiss, fisting the blanket beneath you, the urge to punch something or someone becoming unbearable, "what the fuck is he doing at a random college party with – Sora?"

"Y/N, don't–", "Whose party is that?", you interrupt your best friend, not giving a single fuck about her attempts to calm you down; not anymore. Hana gulps harshly and strictly avoids your gaze as she mumbles a name and you roll your eyes, asking her to speak up with an annoyed sigh.

"It's one of Yuuji’s frat parties", and as soon as your best friend says the name of your ex-boyfriend, a cold shiver of disgust runs down your spine and you can feel yourself getting lightheaded from all the emotions rushing through your overwhelmed body.

"Don't follow me if you're going to stop me from leaving, Hana", you say and stand up before quickly disappearing inside your room.

You have no idea how you manage to get dressed, your outfit consisting of a pair of jeans and a hoodie you can't even remember buying and you don't even wanna think about what your hair and face look like when you end up leaving the house with your keys and your phone.

After driving this route for over two years on an almost daily basis, it takes you less than ten minutes to arrive in front of the huge house your ex-boyfriend lives in.

The memories start finding their way back into your head way too fast, taking away your breath and numbing your whole body because even if you didn’t love Yuuji anymore, the bitter feeling of betrayal still manages to hit you in just the right way.

It takes you a lot of willpower to actually approach the house and eventually get in. And after being in between the crowds of drunk, stinky college students, you remember why you hate college parties so much.

"I – Wow”, a familiar voice manages to break through the loud music, your instant reaction just an annoyed eye roll, “you were the last person I expected to see at one of our frat parties", Yuuji says and comes to stand in front of you.

His blonde hair messily falling into his handsome face and from the way his whole face seems to be covered in the deepest shade of red – including his eyes – you know that he's probably higher than the stars and you can't help but sigh.

"I'm not here to party, Yuuji", you hiss, feeling the anger crawl up your spine again the longer you look at your ex, "my boyfriend is here and I have to talk to him."

"So you and that tattooed guy are actually a thing? Didn't think so since he, you know – showed up with another girl", Terushima mumbles and pulls out a cigarette from his pocket, a mischievous smile on his lips.

"Oh, shut the fuck up, Yuuji", you spit back and roll your eyes, taking in the way the pretty boy arches his brows up in pure shock at your rather new attitude, "go and get high or whatever you do to feel proud of yourself", are the last words you say to him before you walk away, your heart thrumming inside your throat.

Your eyes roam the huge crowd, desperately searching for the only face you wanna look at right now and you try to remember where they were standing in the video Sora had posted only to realize that you can't remember.

After all you only watched the video once, your whole attention laying on Kyoutani. And after almost fifteen minutes, you find yourself slowly giving up.

Maybe this was just not meant to happen or maybe Kyoutani has left already.

He probably left with Sora- something you can’t and won’t ever blame him for.

After all she's literally one of the prettiest and hottest girls you have ever seen – anyone who rejects her would be out of their mind (or not attracted to girls which isn't the case when it comes to Kyoutani).

You give it another ten minutes of desperately looking around before you let out a deep sigh which gets lost in the loudness and thick air of the party before you finally start making your way back to the front door.

You quickly walk back to your car, trying your best to ignore everyone around you, especially all the drunk guys who are currently about to get into a verbal fight over something totally random and the last thing you want to experience those threats becoming reality.

At some point you're scared they might even include you which is probably why you end up literally sprinting and even though you always park so far away from frat houses just because you've heard way too many stories of people getting their cars stolen during parties, but right now you just wished you would have listened to your gut feeling and parked in front of the fraternity like every normal person.

However, to your life long luck, you spot a tall figure standing a little too close to your vehicle just as you’re about to unlock it. You slow down your movements almost instantly upon seeing the stranger, yet your eyes still try to figure out if it's someone you know despite the darkness surrounding the two of you.

He has probably spotted you by now, after all you're still panting like crazy from speed walking down to where your car is and it takes you a full minute to realize how loud you're actually being.

"Y/N", the male suddenly says, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine and even though it could have been everyone, it sounds a tad bit too familiar to your ears which is probably why you end up approaching him slowly.

"It's me, Kyoutani", he adds and at the same moment the words leave his lips, you finally recognize his pretty features which seem extra beautiful underneath the bright moonlight.

And then realization hits you.

"How did you know–", "Hana called me and asked if I could make sure you got home even if I didn't want to talk to you. So, here I am. Get in the car so I can tell her I did my part of the job", he interrupts you quickly, obviously not having the intention to interact with you and the way his usually so tender-filled eyes and calming voice are nothing but ice-cold has a thick veil of tears blurring your sight.

Never ever did you think about the moment, where Kyoutani puts the cold mask on he loved to hide behind when he had first looked at you all those weeks ago.

And the longer he avoids your gaze, the heavier the burden on your chest becomes.

"I'm sorry, Tani", you whisper, your voice breaking at the end, easily giving away how much his cold demeanor has gotten to you.

“Of course you're not just a friend to me and I d-don't know why I introduced you like that, everything happened so quickly and I – panicked. It's not an excuse and does not justify my behavior but I just wanted you to know that you've always been more than just a friend to me", you continue, managing to keep talking upon realizing that Kyoutani won't interrupt you and the way he even listens to you with his eyes looking everywhere but yours is absolutely enough for you.

"What am I to you then, Y/N? Am I the guy you're casually fucking? Your booty call? Am I your second choice? Like what the fuck do you expect me to say? I know we never put a label to – this", he starts pointing at you and then himself, "but you knew I was serious about it, about you. So, I just don't understand why you would even think about considering me a friend. I told you that I am not one for that friends with benefits kinda shit and you agreed yet you did this and now I can't help but be convinced you just used me to get that Yuuji fucker.”

Kyoutani is angry and he doesn't even try to hide it as he spits out those words, the ones he’s probably been dying to say out loud for the past few days and you know he has every right to actually be mad at you, his words still hit you in a way you didn't expect them to.

"I'd never do that to you, Kentarou; I'd never use you like that, please believe me", you say quickly, a little surprised you're even able to form proper sentences.

“You m-mean so much to me and I just don't know how to put it into words. My heart hurt so much when I watched you type your number into Sora's phone but the demons in my head, they just kept talking over my heart and – I'm just really sorry, Kyou, I really am", you sigh and after realizing that he's not going to look at you, you finally manage to shift your gaze away from his pretty face.

"Go home, Y/N. It's been a long day for both of us and I think some more distance will help me get my mind straight", Kyoutani replies after a long, torturous beat of silence lingering in the cold air and even if it wasn’t the reply you had hoped to hear, you're glad he's at least not completely ending it.

"Okay b-but at least let me drive you home?", you ask softly, wiping away the few tears which had managed to escape and when you look up at the beautiful faced male in front of you, his eyes meet you for the first time since what feels like forever and you feel yourself melting away.

"I don't think that's a good idea, pretty girl", Kyoutani sighs, the soft pet name sending your mind into the sweetest haze of comfort just like that, "it's only been a few days but I am craving your touch and I just know I'm going to lose it and fuck you against the next best surface if we get into that car together, so I have to decline this offer", he adds and takes another step back, his lips stretching into a tiny smile and you can’t deny how much his words have you gotten you worked up, but you have no choice but to nod.

"Have a good night, baby", Kyoutani sighs and deep down you're hoping for a kiss, after all it's been way too long since you got to feel close to him but instead, he just lifts his hand up and starts waving at you and just as he is about to turn around, you find yourself reaching for his wrist. The fear and despair inside of you making you a little too brave for your personal liking but you know you can't just let him walk away like that.

"Please, Tani- Kyoutani", you whisper and let out a soft sigh of relief when he turns around to face you again, "I won't try anything, I just want to spend a little bit more time with you."

Kyoutani takes a deep breath, his dark eyes roaming your face and wandering down your body and even though it feels like he's literally devouring you alive, you enjoy his burning gazes regardless, a hidden part inside of you even craving them.

A solid minute passes by before he lets out a sigh and gives you a nod, his plump lips pressed into a thin line.

It takes you another deep breath and a couple of seconds to actually calm yourself down from the rollercoaster of emotions you've been through within the time span of an hour and as you sit there in your car, inhaling the cold air of the night, your mind starts replaying everything that went down, starting from the day you met Kyoutani, to your first and most recent kiss, as well as the encounter with Sora and your deep anger towards Yuuji.

The drive to Kyoutani's apartment passes by in a blur, way too fast for your liking and you can't help but pout when you pull up in front of the huge building, knowing very well that this will be the last interaction with the handsome tattoo artist for the upcoming few days and you can already feel tears pricking at the corners of your eyes.

He's been awfully quiet, not like you actually said anything but Kyoutani's silence was intense, boring into your soul and actually suffocating you to a point where the urge to just jump out of the car became overwhelming.

You know he's probably going through everything just like you, yet the feeling that his thoughts are more on the negative side just won't leave you alone and you hate the way your assumptions are being confirmed as soon as Kyoutani turns to look at you.

"I – love you, Y/N", he suddenly says, his voice soft and calm, yet still deep and the way it's filled with tenderness and the sweetest bit of longing makes the effect of those magical words even heavier.

Your lips part in shock, your head having a difficult time actually processing his confession and you can feel your whole body going into a standby mode.

"But you're not good for me."

You remember the way your heart broke into thousands of pieces when you found out the alleged love of your life was cheating on you without even batting an eye.

The pain was so intense and heavy, you didn't know how to deal with it and at some point you were convinced that your heart had stopped beating for a solid minute. It was bad, left you speechless and threw you into a hole of darkness you barely managed to escape from, yet still leaving you grateful for the experience.

You thought your first heartbreak would be able to prepare you for what's to come in the future, but what you went through as soon as those words had fallen past Kyoutani’s lips, can't be compared to anything you've ever felt before.

Your heart starts clenching as his words keep replaying inside of your head and your throat so is going absolutely dry from your desperate attempts to gasp for air as the feeling of being suffocated comes back.

Everything around you seems to disappear, your eyes still focused on Kyoutani's intense gaze as the feeling of emptiness starts filling up your whole body.

You easily lose track of time, your heart beat so slow and heavy and when the wave of reality crashes you yet again, an almost inaudible sob falls past your lips.

"B-But...", you can't get yourself to speak, the words getting stuck in your throat and soft cries the only thing filling the inside of your car.

And yet, there are so many things you want to tell him, so many things rushing through your mind at the highest speed, almost impossible to grasp them and actually put them into proper sentences.

"You have too much control over me. I lost myself trying to fit into the picture of a lover you need and deserve. But – I am not who I used to be anymore”, Kyoutani explains, nervously rubbing the sides of his pierced node with his thumb as he avoids looking in your direction at all costs.

“I am scared of losing what's obviously not mine. You make me feel weak and vulnerable and I just can't deal with it. You've become the center of my world, and I can't control how much it affects me. How much you affect me and – I hate it", he continued, his voice is still incredibly calm, yet a bittersweet tone of fear coating every single one of his words.

"B-But...", yet again, the whole of your vocabulary seems vanished, not one word to say as the knot in your throat tightens even further.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I thought I could do it but – I am not meant to love and you deserve to be loved in the most special way possible”, he takes another quick break, letting out a sigh of exhaustion, “and that's why I'm letting you go. Please, don't hate me. Take care and – goodbye, my love.”

Those are his last words before he presses his lips against your forehead, making your head spin like crazy because of the contrast of his heartbreaking words and his soft kiss.

Kyoutani leaves without saying another word. He doesn't even look back once as he walks away and enters the apartment building, while you can't stop staring at the door with hot tears streaming down your cheeks and loud sobs filling the suffocating air surrounding you.

There you are, yet again.

Your eyes staring into the dark night as your body tries to cope with the intensity of pain you've thought you had overcome.

The constant breaking of your heart starts numbing every part of your body and you slowly start losing yourself in this certain kind of darkness.

Seconds turn into minutes and without even realizing, a whole hour has gone by with you staring into nothing.

Your mind plays games with you as it keeps replaying his words, his behavior, his kiss and the feeling of slowly but certainly going insane as you get out of the car a little too fast.

You tumble back, the sudden coldness hitting you right in the face and the mental as well as physical exhaustion has your body trembling.

And then it hits you.

The wave of anger, wrath, frustration and hatred literally wakes you up, pulls you back into reality and ends up taking over you completely.

Your eyes find the huge apartment building Kyoutani lives in, staring at it as if you could set it on fire and you know what you're about to do is a bad idea but your body acts before your mind can even get the chance to intervene.

And that's how you find yourself almost brutality slamming your fist against Kyoutani's door, your heart hammering against your rib cage way too fast for it to be still physically healthy and ten thousand different thoughts rushing through your chaotic mind.

"What the fuck is going – Y/N", Kyoutani looks at you with his pretty eyes slightly widened in shock, his lips parting as he struggles to keep his eyes on you and a disgusting feeling of shame and embarrassment starts filling you up.

You know this is pathetic, you are aware of how stupid you look standing in front of him like this but you just can't get yourself to actually care about it.

"Y/N, please don't-", "No, I listened to what you had to say and now I'm going to talk and you're going to listen to me. Before that I am not going anywhere because I deserve this", you cut him off, hands balled into fists as you try to stay calm but the more you think about his words in the car, the angrier you get.

"I–", Kyoutani sighs, his eyes nervously roaming your face and upon noticing the way you seem to shiver from the cold and your lack of clothing, he lets his conscience get the best of him, "alright, come in then.”

You follow him inside, the familiar scent of vanilla and Kyoutani's favorite febreeze scent filling your nose and you hate the way how comfortable you are.

After all you've been spending quite some time in this apartment; visiting him after your classes so he could bury his face between your legs and then offer you some homemade food, followed by a good old ghibli movie and lots of cuddles has become some kind of routine.

Oh, how you hate him for ruining all of those memories.

"Do you want something to drink? You're probably freezing", he offers, his voice filled with concern and you know he is right and you'd definitely give everything for a cup of tea and maybe some water, you still shove all of your body’s basic needs into the very back of your head and try to regain your composure.

"I – you – we", you take a deep breath, your mind struggling to put all of those racing thoughts into some kind of order, yet failing miserably.

But there's so much you want to say to him; so many things you want him to hear and now that you are actually standing in front of him, your body betrays you.

"You're a fucking coward, Kyoutani Kentarou", is the first thing you finally manage to let out, "and I hate you for leaving me like this. I fucking hate you.”

Deep down, you hate yourself for saying those words; the choice of words and the incredible heaviness they come with are usually not your way of expressing yourself yet you're not regretting them.

You don't know how this night is going to end, maybe this will be the last time you get to see Kyoutani or he'll eventually fuck you into oblivion and you finally end up together; but nevertheless you want your words to hurt him; you want them to wake him up just like his did to you.

"How dare you confess your love to me and tell me I basically ruined your life in the same breath when you're the one who's fucking all of this – us up. Yes, I’ve made a mistake and I've been regretting my choice of words for the past four days, even came to the point where I accepted your distance and decided to let go because I know how much my words hurt you. But us ending like this? Definitely not going to happen", Kyoutani stares at you with his pretty eyes focusing you attentively, barely blinking, not moving at all; he’s just listening to you.

"I just – don't understand how you can be this oblivious."

"Oblivious? Oblivious to what?", he asks, his voice a little deeper and raspier, sending goosebumps straight dow your spine as if your body needed to remind you the effect he has on you.

"Oblivious to everything. This is what love does to people, Kentarou. Of course you're going to feel weak and vulnerable because of me - because of the one you love. After all the point of being loved and loving someone else is showing those vulnerabilities and weakness to the person you trust the most because you know, or at least you hope, they won't take advantage of it.”

You take a deep breath, your mind slowing down as you ease yourself into his calming embrace and subconsciously losing yourself in the comfort it comes with.

“I'm yours. I've been yours since the very first day and we both know this, that's why you are so scared of losing me. And that's why my words hurt you so much”, you can tell that he’s already processing your words as much as he can; his habit of scratching the back of his head giving him away easily.

"You said you've lost yourself trying to fit into this picture of someone who I deserve but – you are the one who created that picture in the first place. Just because my first boyfriend was an alleged goody two shoes doesn't mean that you have to be like that too. Fuck that", you hiss, the thought of Kyoutani changing even the slightest bit about himself sending jolts of anger through your veins, "I don't care if you dropped out of college or that you have tattoos and piercings and bleach blonde hair. None of that matters to me because it's you, your kind heart and your pure soul I fell in love with.”

And suddenly - you can feel the burden on your shoulders disappear when those certain words leave your lips and the second Kyoutani raises his eyebrows in slight surprise before he locks eyes with you again has another breath of fresh air run through your suffocated lungs.

"Yes, I'm in love with you, Kyoutani Kentarou. Believe it or not, but for me, you're perfect just like this, with all your tiny habits and every single tattoo. There's nothing I'd change about you and I'm genuinely, truly sorry if I ever made you feel like you needed to change for me. You're a great guy and I guess that's why I ran back here after sitting in that car, crying for an hour because I couldn't stop thinking about the way you confessed your love to me”, you feel the thick veil of tears appear before they manage to block your sight, making the pretty face in front of you turn into bourry little pixels as your emotions overwhelm you.

“And yes, you are meant to be loved; maybe not meant to be loved by me but you deserve to be loved, do you hear me?"

You go up to him, closing some of the distance between the two of you before your finger darts out and poke his strong chest, trying to ease the tension after letting go of all those thoughts, "you deserve to love and to be loved because you're a good person. And I just – wanted to thank you for letting me into your life. Meeting you, getting to know the beautiful person you are has been one of the best things that has happened to me and I will cherish these memories forever."

And with those words you take a deep breath, let out another sigh, goving away your acceptance of defeat before you lift your head and prepare yourself to say your last goodbye no matter how painful it is.

"Take care, Kyoutani Kentarou and thank you, for everything", the words fall past your lips in the form of a whisper solely because you're too scared to break if you raised your volume just slightly.

You turn around and feel the first tear find its way down your cheek before you even get to walk away.

And just as you wrap your fingers around the doorknob, the sound of rushed footsteps approaching you makes you halt your movements.

"D-Don't go", Kyoutani suddenly says, his voice breaking when he comes to stand behind you, so close you can actually feel the warmth he's radiating, "I need you...so bad", he whispers into your ear, pressing his forehead against the back of your neck and it's like everything that happened tonight becomes irrelevant.

You turn around, not expecting Kyoutani to push you against the door with his whole body, yet still embracing him as much as you can.

With a soft sob, you start inhaling his unique scent, grazing his soft skin with your fingers and letting the warmth blossom inside of your chest after feeling his rapid heartbeat beneath your palm.

"Don't leave me, please", he cries, the tears running down his flushed cheeks despite his desperate attempts of holding back, "let's do this whole love thing.”

You stand there for what feels like an eternity, just hugging each other, taking in each other's presence and calming down from everything that has happened in such a short time. You finally calm down completely, Kyoutani's soft touches and tiny kisses give you the last bit of energy you needed and for the first time in almost three months, there's not one demon in your head trying to make you overthink something.

Because this feels perfect; there's literally no other word to describe the feeling of holding Kyoutani Kentarou and being held by him.

But nevertheless, you've been on a constant adrenaline rush for the past four hours and the exhaustion has been killing you, making you grow tired a lot faster than usual.

"What about moving this to your room, hm? I'd rather fall asleep with you in your bed than against the door; especially because I know the boys are out and will be coming home soon", you say softly, lifting Kyoutani's head from the crook of your neck and looking at him.

He sighs and gives you a soft kiss, giving you a nod in response before he gets himself to let go of you; his warmth leaving with him and it's almost disgusting how you literally crave his presence.

After Kyoutani makes you drink two glasses of water to avoid the dehydration of your body, he hands you one of his thick hoodies and leaves you to get ready in his bathroom.

You come back to the sight of him sitting against the headboard of his king sized bed, his oversized shirt revealing the perfect amount of collarbones and you enjoy the sight of his pretty skin and the dark lines covering most of it as well as the way his sweats hug his strong thighs in the best way possible.

And as you watch his eyes lazily roam your body, a hot jolt of arousal finds its way through your veins and right to your cunt.

"Don't look at me like that, sweet girl", Kyoutani suddenly groans and cocks his head to the side, his tongue poking out to wet his lips before he gulps harshly; his eyes never once leaving yours.

"B-But Tani...", you reply, approaching him with tiny steps become you come to stand right next to his tall figure, feeling yourself growing needier because of the way your body is craving his touch now more than ever.

“Baby…”, he replies and gulps harshly, knowing your body better than yourself after weeks of getting to know you in a way nobody has ever before.

"Please, Tani...please, fuck me. I need to feel you inside of me. I've been waiting for so long...", you plead, your fingers coming to graze his pretty lips as memories of all the times he had turned you into a crying mess with those lips.

Kyoutani is just as affected by the change in tension as you, the slight bulge in his grey sweatpants as well as the hunger burning in his eyes giving him away.

"You're such a pretty angel girl, aren’t you?", he whispers and sits up, pulling you closer to make you stand in between his legs as he starts caressing your hot cheeks with his fingers.

“Yet you're saying all those naughty things”, Kentarou chuckles deeply, “imagine how people would react if they knew what a cockhungry little slut you actually are", upon hearing those degrading names, your cunt starts clenching around nothing and a high pitched whimper escaped your throat.

"For you...", you whisper, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth the second Kyoutani starts placing open mouthed kisses on your neck.

Your fingers dig into his shoulders, pulling the material of his shirt a little too tightly.

"Of course, baby, you're mine after all and this sweet cunt", the sudden feeling of his palm pressing against the damped fabric of your panties has you gasping for air, "belongs to me, and me only", Kyoutani grunts, pulling the skin of your neck between his lips before he starts sucking gently as well as slowly moving his fingers against the lacey fabric between your legs.

"Yes, it's yours", you reply, after several weeks of being intimate with Kyoutani you've learned one thing and that's how much he loves hearing you say all those dirty and lewd things, "please fuck me."

"Patience, my love, patience. I am going to fuck you", Kentarou replies calmly and suddenly pushes you away, his hands disappearing from your body and when your lid flutter open because of the lack of touch, he shoots you one of his cocky smirks, "but let's not forget the whole friend situation, hm? What about you make it up to me before I fuck you like the little whore you are?"

His words have excitement rush through your blood, your head literally spinning just from the thought of finally getting to be on the giving end after weeks of him playing the selfless lover.

You nod eagerly, anticipation sparkling in your eyes as you watch him palm himself over his sweats before you get on your knees and wait for him to let go of his now fully erect cock.

However, the more seconds pass by like this, the more nervous you become because for some reason you suddenly remember that you've basically never sucked dick before.

Your head shoots up with slight panic written all over your face and of course Kyoutani notices your change in demeanor right away.

"What's wrong, angel?", he asks you and stops the movements of his hands.

"I don't know how to do it, Tani", you whisper, knowing there's no point in being shy about it, after all he happens to be the guy you've experienced your most firsts with.

"It's okay, baby, I'm going to help you”, Kyoutani replies and actually loses his composure for a second, “fuck baby, don't look at me like this when I'm literally about to fuck your throat", he hisses, throwing his head back as he grunts and his hips desperately bucking into the air.

Kyoutani takes another deep breath before he finally pushes his hand underneath the waistband of his sweats and with your eyes focused on his movements, you watch him pull out his hard length, a soft hiss falling past his plump lips when the coldness of the room grazes the slightly wet tip of his cock.

You gulp harshly, his impressive size in girth as well as length has your pussy throbbing like crazy, yet you can't help but wonder how the hell he's going to fit inside of you.

“Don't worry, baby, I know you're going to take all of my cock like the good girl you are", Kyoutani says after observing your facial expressions for some time.

"Give me your hand", he asks you softly, his voice still raspy and incredibly hoarse yet still soothing and you appreciate his attempts to calm himself down so you won't feel too nervous. With your heart slamming against your rib cage, you lift your hand up and are slightly overwhelmed at the sudden feeling of Kyoutani's warm spit pooling inside your palm. Without adding anything, he straightens himself and motions you to stroke his hard cock.

Not once do you stop looking at him as you wrap your fingers around the base of his impressive length and slowly start jerking him off.

Kyoutani cocks his head to the side, his bottom lip pulled in between his teeth and his eyes constantly fluttering close.

"Start with the tip, angel- just wrap your lips around it and start sucking, but be careful with your teeth, yeah baby?", he grunts, his hips thrusting into your fist every time the pace of your strokes slows down.

You give him yet another nod before look up at him one more time and do as he says.

The feeling of his cock between your lips is – different.

It feels like it's not supposed to be there, yet the salty taste of his precum coating your tongue has you sighing softly. Your tongue darts out, giving his tip a tiny kitten lick before you go back to sucking on it eagerly.

And while you seem to enjoy it a lot, Kyoutani is going absolutely crazy. You can see the way he's tensing his body as his grip in the bed sheets tightens and the vein on his neck pops out.

"F-Fuck, baby, just like that", he praises you "now try to take more of it in a-and use your hand for the rest", Kyoutani's voice is shaky, his eyes are nervously roaming your swollen lips and the string of spit connecting them to the tip of his cock.

Without giving it another thought, you take a deep breath and take more of him, trying your best to not graze his sensitive cock with your teeth and despite your initial struggle, you still enjoy the feeling of his cock on your tongue.

You subconsciously wrap your fingers around the part of his cock which you can't fit inside your mouth and suddenly it's like your body knows exactly what to do.

Kyoutani's moans grow louder and the soft thrusts of his hips become a little less controlled. You look up at him every now and then, trying your best to keep the steady rhythm as you bop your head.

And then he suddenly thrusts his length all the way to the back of your throat, your gag reflex just about to go off when he pulls back which is the moment you take notice of the tears streaming down your cheeks.

You give him a soft smile before going back to wrapping your lips around his tip, but you don't get very far.

Kyoutani pulls you back, his grip on the back of your neck not firm enough to hurt you.

"I promise I'm going to fuck your throat properly and even cum in your mouth the next time we do this but right now I just can't stop thinking about that tight cunt of yours", he says, helping you get up and almost instantly pulling you onto his lap; his wet cock rubbing against your panty covered core as Kyoutani pulls you in for a kiss.

It's sloppy and rushed, the way his tongue grazes over yours before he pulls it between his lips and starts sucking at it. Your hips start moving against his cock, your sensitive pussy craving some kind of friction as the arousal has your head spinning like crazy.

You start moaning and whimpering into his mouth when Kyoutani’s hips start meeting your desperate movements, applying the perfect amount of pressure onto your needy clit.

You feel the knot in the pit of your stomach tightening, the clenching of your cunt becoming worse the more you hump Kyoutani's cock like a woman starved.

But nothing prepares you for the feeling of one of his large digits entering you. Your hole start clenching around his finger Kyoutani pushes another one in, both digits buried inside of your little cunt.

"Such a good girl for me, aren't you, baby? I'm going to finger you nice and slow so you're ready for my cock. Now come on, my love; show me what a good whore you are and ride my fingers", Kyoutani encourages you, his hot breath fanning against the sensitive skin behind your ear and without missing a beat, your hips meet the skillful thrusts of his fingers.

Kyoutani continues to whisper naughty things into your ear, his other hand eventually wrapping around your throat as he makes sure you look into his eyes when you stumble over the edge.

Your high hits you hard and fast, the intensity knocking the breath out of your lungs and leaving you gasping for it; something you should be used to by now yet still can't believe is even possible.

He pushes you off of his lap softly, helps you get rid of his shirt as well as your ruined panties before he makes you lay down in the middle of his bed; eyes locking with yours when he also starts undressing.

"My pretty girl", Kyoutani sighs, his hand caressing the soft skin of your thighs, spanking you every now and then just because he's absolutely obsessed with the way your whole body tenses whenever his hand meets your skin.

“Look at me", he orders and almost instantly your head shoots up to meet his gaze, the sight of his naked body distracting you a lot more than you expected but after all this is the first time you get to see the rest of his tattoos; the ones you usually only get a tiny glimpse of depending on his outfit choice.

Kyoutani spreads your legs apart, his eyes never leaving yours even when he starts jerking off again and you can't hold back the soft whimpers and begs leaving your lips.

But also something about his flushed cheeks and swollen lips as well as his messy hair falling into his face has you incredibly turned on.

"We've never talked about this before but are you on the pill, baby?", he asks, pushing one of his thumbs into his mouth before he brings it down to your clit and starts rubbing soft circles into it, making you arch your back off of the mattress as you bury your face in the pillow to keep your noises down.

"N-No", you whisper, a deep sigh coming from Kyoutani and even though you know you shouldn’t do it, you stop him from bending over to the drawer of his nightstand, making him look at you in confusion.

“But I still want you to raw me, please...", you add and gulp harshly when his whole body seems to go into some kind of haze once the words leaveyour lips.

Kyoutani looks at you, his eyes darkening even more as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and lets out a loud moan of your name.

"I can't just raw you, baby", he presses through gritted teeth, his mask slowly falling apart the more you rub yourself against his cock, "you've never had sex without a condom and my pull out game is weak, even weaker when it comes to you because fuck – the thought of filling you up with my cum sounds so fucking good", Kyou groans when you scoot up a little, taking his length into your hand before you line him up with your entrance.

"B-But what if you get pregnant, sweet girl?", he sighs and tries to pull away, making you wrap your arms around his neck as you look into his pretty eyes.

"That will just show everyone around us how well you've fucked me", you whisper and elicit another deep moan from him, his whole body shaking slightly as he tries to hold himself back from just pounding into you.

"Such a cockhungry whore", he hisses and – finally – starts pushing his fat cock into your tiny cunt, the slight stretch making you both gasp for air.

“If that's what you want, then that’s what you get, you little slut. I'm going to fucking raw you and fill you up with all of my cum, make you my cumslut", Kyoutani grunts, pulling your bottom lip between his teeth before he harshly grabs your face and looks into your eyes as he buries more of himself inside of you.

"F-Fuck, you're big", you whimper, throwing your head back and trying your very best to stop clenching around his cock.

“We're almost there, baby- you got this, s-stop clenching", Kyoutani grunts against your parted lips. Without a warning, Kyoutani pushes the rest of his huge cock inside of you, bottoming out completely.

“F-Fuck...you’re so– tight”, Kentarou grunts, his fingers digging into the flesh of your hips as he buries his face in the crook of your neck, “it’s like you’ve never been fucked before.”

“S-So good...so fucking good, nngh-”, your little whimpers and whines are slurred, barely coherent as the feeling of being filled to the brim pushes you into a haze of pleasure.

You feel the pulsation of his cock against your spongy walls, his hands nervously roaming your body and groping one of your tits, as he obviously tries to calm himself down.

And then he finally starts moving.

A deep, guttural moan leaves the both of you when he pulls himself out of your tight hole, dragging his huge cock along the walls of your little cunt in the most delicious way possible before he almost brutally shoves himself back in again.

“Mhm, just like that, you little brat”, he grunts, sitting up on his knees as he pushes your legs further apart, his eyes focusing the way his fat cock stretches your hole just how he’s been imagining it all this time, “coming up to me and talking about having your little cunt rawed like some cumhungry little whore.”

You start nodding almost instantly at his words, your brain barely recognizing them, the only thing you can focus on being the way the tip of his cock grazes the entrance to your womb with every harsh, brutal thrust of his hips.

His thrusts find a steady rhythm, hard and so, so deep.

“Open your mouth”, Kyoutani grunts, a single drop of sweat finding its way down the center of his tattooed chest, the sight making you whimper and whine for him even louder as you part your lips as soon as you process his words.

“You know what? I’d rather have you say it”, he suddenly hisses, pulling his cock out of your spasming cunt before he presses your legs together and shoves himself back inside of you with one skilled thrust of his hips.

You have no idea at what point you start crying but by the time Kyoutani's moans and grunts start picking up their pace, you're a sobbing mess.

“S-Say wh-what?”, you sob, hiding your tear and spit stained face behind your hands, not daring to look up at him.

“I want you to ask for my spit and beg for my cum”, Kentarou’s voice grows raspier, the dominance seething through every single one of his words makes it so easy for you to fall even further into the hole of absolute submission, “and stop hiding yourself, angel girl..I wanna watch the way I’m fucking your brains out.”

A row of loud, high pitched whines and a combination of sobs and moans are the only thing you manage to respond with, your brain clouded with the feeling of his thick cock dragging along the spongy walls of your cunt.

And before you can even comprehend his next movement, you hear the loud sound of skin meeting skin followed by the delicious feeling of a sting sending jolts of pain through your body, something you’ve come to love after so many hours with the tattoo artist.

“I told you to ask and beg for it, angel girl..you’re making me wait”, Kentarou spits, never once halting the movements of his hips as he watches the way you start sobbing even more, your cunt spasming around his cock after his painful spank.

“Please...f-fuck, please spit in my mouth and my face and on my cunt- want it all”, you start brabbling, another row of incohrent begs following right afterwars as your hips sloppily meet his harsh thrusts, “I want you to stuff me full of your cum, too- please, Daddy, wanna be your little c-cumdumpster.”

“There you go..”, Kyoutani’s plump lips stretch into a big smile as his cock throbs at the sound of that one forbidden little word he’s come to love even more after hearing it from you only a handful of times.

He didn’t hesitate to tell you about how much it turns him on around two weeks after the two fo you had started dating and even though he never really expected you to use it, he was secretely hoping for you to overcome your shyness.

You had used it only twice before when the pleasure had gotten too much for your brain to handle and Kyoutani knew you’d stop holding yourself back as soon as you got a taste of his cock.

“What did you just call me, pretty girl?”, he cooes, giggling softly at the way you whimper and cry even harder, knowing oh so well what he wants to hear.

And for the first time you just can’t get yourself to argue with the little voice in the back of your head; the feeling of his cock stretching your tiny cunt making it so, so easy to just let go of all those doubts and worries.

“Please, Daddy”, you reply and look into his eyes, groping your own tits as you arch your back to feel him even deeper inside of you, “n-need your cum inside of me...please- want everyone to know who I belong to.”

You don’t really expect it, yet your pussy almost instantly start clenching around his cock when kyoutani harshly grabs your face, making you part your lips before he spits into your mouth.

The loud, lewd sound of it rings in your ears in the best way possible and acting like a literal aphrodisiac in combination with the delicious taste of his saliva coating the hot muscle of your tongue.

You hum softly before you swallow it all, a gentle sob escaing your lips before you look up at him again.

"Now go on, angel girl”, he growls, pushing his hand in between your legs to rub circles into your hardened clit, “I want you to cum for me. Be a good little dumpster for your Daddy and show me what only I can do to you.”

You can barely process his words, the lewdness just fueling the fire in the pit of your stomach as you lose yourself in the feeling of your upcoming high. But you still start nodding, cringing at the feeling your saliva dripping down your jawline.

And with one last thrust, you feel your high crashing down onto you with such heaviness, you're left absolutely breathless.

Your whole body is trembling as the waves of your orgasm hit you, a row of incoherent words leaving your lips before you stop trying and just start crying for your precious Daddy.

"That's my baby”, is the first thing your brain manages to process again, everything still a blurry mess and when you look at Kyou, you realize you’re still cumming.

Your cunt is almost painfully spasming around his big cock, your juices dripping down the sides of his length as he helps you ride out your orgasm.

“You’re such a good, good girl for Daddy, aren’t you? I'm so proud of you", Kyoutani praises you, his thrust a little sloppier than before and from the way he's digging his fingers into the skin of your waist, you can only assume that he's also quiet close, "you're also going to take all of Daddy’s cum, right, baby? We gotta make sure I fill you up nicely..."

You take a deep breath, your slightly overstimulated cunt sending shivers down your spine as your eyes focus on Kyoutani's parted lips.

"Please, Daddy...need you to fill me up with your cum", you encourage him and when you slowly push two of your fingers into his mouth, knowing how much he loves to suck on them no matter what situation you’re both in, you finally get to see his whole face crunch up in pleasure.

His body tenses up as his grip on your waist becomes firmer before he starts cumming inside of you with a deep, raspy moan; coating the walls in several shades of white with three thick spurts of his cum.

Kyoutani buries his face in the crook of your neck as he slowly calms down, loud breathing and rushed gasps for air the only thing to fill the inside of his empty room.

"I love you so much", he whispers and gives you a soft kiss, his cock still firmly buried inside of your sensitive cunt before he shoots you a soft smile; looking almost boyish with his glossy eyes and flushed cheeks.

"I love you, too, D-Daddy”, you whisper, gulping harshly as the words leave your lips, feeling yourself grow even smaller underneath his strong yet comforting gaze, “thank you for giving us a chance", you add and pull him into for another kiss.

"Kyoutani Kentarou, your favorite group of walking disappointments is back and better than ev - oh", Iwaizumi Hajime, Kyoutani's High School best friend, fellow tattoo aritst and roommate suddenly yells and almost brutally slams open the door, startling you to the last bone in your body.

Kyoutani is quick to cover you up with his body, his hand reaching for one of the blankets on the floor as he grunts in annoyance.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know–", "What is it, Iwa-Chan? Is he jerking off again? Kyoutani Kentarou you little piece of shit, just go and fuck that–", just like Iwaizumi, Oikawa – who also happens to be his best friend, felow tattoo artist and roommate – comes to stand in the doorway, bumping into his best friend before he finally spots the two of you.

"You're naked", he points out, closing his eyes almost instantly after realizing what he has just come to witness and despite the disgusting feeling of wanting to disappear and never come back again, you can't help but giggle at their shocked and slightly disgusted faces.

Kyoutani takes a deep breath and pulls out of you, still making sure to hide you behind his body before he hands you the blanket and lets his eyes shift to the door, looking at his best friends in pure disbelief.

"Kawa stop fucking staring and – can you two please fuck off?", he yells, pulling the boys back to reality and the way both of them shift to look at you only to blush from their necks to their ears has you chuckling softly.

This type of situation is nothing you’re not used to – unfortunately.

"Uhm – of course! Oh, my fucking God! So sorry, Kyou", Iwaizumi stutters and wraps his fingers around the doorknob, avoiding your eyes as much as he can before he pushes Oikawa away and then closes the door with another row of apologies.

Kyoutani just looks at you apologetically as he shakes his head and face palms himself, making the both of you burst into loud laughter.

And after taking a shower together and actually eating some late dinner with the boys, you fall asleep with Kyoutani's arms tightly wrapped around your waist, his face buried inside the crook of your neck and one last love confession.

And when those sweet words fall past his lips yet again, you realize – you're finally home.

[ banner source ]

[kampfkuchen85]

We are enemies, right? - Part 3

Characters: Sanzu Haruchiyo, Haitani Rindo, reader

Note: english isn't my first language, so there could be mistakes. It's just a fanfic, don't take it too serious.

Warnings: none

Part 1 - previous - Part 3 - next

Masterlist

=========================================

It's been a week since you became a part of Bonten involuntarily, not even a regular member of the gang, more like the pet of Sanzu, just here for his entertainment. Mikey didn't allow him to go on missions with you yet and you thanked Mikey for that action. It was your only free time. While he was in the headquarters or had additionally free time, he was driving you crazy. 

It was a lot different when you were in rival gangs, you thought he was cool, a funny guy, but now that you have to deal with him, it's stressful. You had never imagined that he could be such a clingy guy.

You sneaked slowly in one of the meeting rooms, closing the door as silent as possible behind you.

“Huh? What's that supposed to be?”

You winced at the sudden voice of Rindo, who looked up from his laptop when he heard the sound of the doorknob.

“Schhh….”, you laid your finger over your lips. “You haven't seen me here.”

You rushed to the corner of the room, kneeling down behind a big plant and covering yourself with the curtain. It would have been the perfect hiding spot….if you had the size of a small child, but it was better than nothing.

Rindo was sitting on the couch with a confused look, not even realizing your strange behavior when Sanzu suddenly rushed into the room.

“Princess?”

“Yes?” Rindo answered emotionlessly.

“Have I said ‘dumbass bitch’ or why are you answering?”, he looked at him with a deadpan gaze and a raised middle finger. “Have you seen her? I've searched the whole building, but I can't find her.”

“Do I look like I care where that brat is? Maybe she's with Takeomi. Those two are getting closer and closer since she's here…..if you ask me”. 

It was Rindos favorite sideline to make his comrade jealous and insecure with such comments and Sanzu was his favorite victim for those.

“No one´s asking you, fucker!”

Sanzu was gone as quick as he came in, closing the door behind him loudly.

Rindo waited a moment till he spoke to you again. 

“I think you can come out of your stupid hiding spot. He's probably on his way to Takeomi now. I question Sanzus intelligence from time to time more. How couldn´t he see you there?”

You crawled out of the uncomfortable corner, breathing out a deep sigh.

“It’s not stupid, if it works. I´m glad that he’s dumb.”

You took a seat beneath Rindo on the couch.

“Thanks for not telling him. I owe you one.”

“Noted!” His attention was already back on the screen of the laptop. “Is it so bad?”

“It's worse!”, you groaned in annoyance. “You know him already, don´t you? Then you can imagine how it's going. He's so irritating, he always wants to touch me, not in a sexual way, but one of his hands is always on my body. My head, my neck, my thigh, my hip, it doesn't matter. I really feel like a pet.”

A short moment of silence filled the room.

“On the other hand….he's really caring. He was so soft, so careful when he patched me up the other day - you remember the day when you gave me a pretty laceration on my head? - but sometimes it's too much. When the day comes when we´re standing together in one room and he isn't touching me for five minutes, I´ll make three crosses in my calendar.”

He chuckled to your surprise, while his eyes were still fixated on the screen in front of him.

“You should be glad that he wasn't on drugs since you are here. Sanzu on drugs is the real devil. You don't want to find out. Believe me.”

You hummed in response. “Does that mean that I'm a good influence?”

“Kind of.”

“Wow. That makes me a little bit proud of myself”, you grinned. 

Rindos view was still fixed on the screen. “It's just a phase.” 

“Why are you so nice to me all of a sudden and so talkative?”, you looked at him from the side, earning a shrug of his shoulders from him.

“Maybe I'm on drugs now….or drunk?”

“No, you're not. That would look different and moreover…..I never heard you laugh before…or chuckle. You’re always so serious. When was the last time you laughed?”

Thanks to that comment, you had his attention.

“What's that supposed to mean? You shouldn't believe everything that Sanzu tells you about me. I’m a very humorous person.”

You looked at him with a raised eyebrow. Did you hear that correctly? Rindo? A humorous person?

“Sanzu didn't tell me anything. He thinks you are not worth talking about. Saying it with his words ‘Rindo sucks’.”

You heard a click of his tongue. He was pissed, but that’s only natural when you hear someone say things like that about you, but he was used to Sanzus stupid comments. 

“....and to be honest, I thought that too. Turned out that I was wrong, I guess. So you are that guy that needs more time to open up to someone, huh?”

“Shut up! Don't assume anything”, he grumbled.

“Oh, Rinnie!”, using that nickname on purpose. “You are such a cutie. Playing the strong guy, but having a soft spot, hm?”

You gave him a quick peck on the cheek, patting his head while you jumped up and made your way out of the meeting room, not wanting to see his feedback to your action.

“See you later, Rinnie!”

“You are both so fucking annoying”, he responded, but the door was already closed.

He sighed, before he focused back on his laptop, massaging the back of his nose with two fingers.

“She's like a second Sanzu…..but a little bit more pleasant….but still…”

==========================================

Taglist: @mor-pheus @crown5

[oleander-grows]

Can't stop thinking about your Irm girl, got any other tidbits about her?

irmgard essex (who i love dearly) was my pc in a fallout ttrpg run by @corsairesix (erin my beloved) and put aside bc of irl stuff. the game took place in new orleans and like holy shit. it was so good. erin is so deeply talented and i love her. i actually have a tag for the game, though it's pretty short. it was a homebrew system and like. god it was so fucking good. i also don't feel bad about sharing the google doc that's her character sheet lol. it's got some notes about her and stuff

here is an incomplete list of things irmgard esseks has done:

one time the party went into a super duper mart to get a single shopping cart. (we needed it for transporting a people maker tube) of course we got attacked by ghouls and out of the 6 of us, irmgard was the only fucking person who landed a single shot, and was the one who dealt with it. it was a moment that really solidified her role in the group for me, she suddenly realized she had a reason to exist. i still bring up about how i was the only one who landed a shot in that fight

basically had 0 personality at the start of the game. it'd been like 4 years since the institute kicked it and she stopped internalizing a lot of what she learned there. i think her thought process was "well maybe other synths don't go insane and crazy living like this but i have and i'm not a real person like those other synths"

eventually her personality became "i would die for by best friend dacian and sweet caroline, because she is very nice"

dacian is a pskyer and she didn't believe he could read minds and blast his thoughts into other people's heads. he proved he was able to and she decided to not believe it like it was some kind of religious thing.

she had 0 opinions about another party member, sylvester "the lonesome" but her existence made him feel insecure about his place on the team, especially after she looted a pipboy off a dude she killed. (he was the only one who had a pipboy before that.)

it was INCREDIBLY funny bc he was so jelous that she's like 6'3 and built like an action hero and meanwhile she's like "wow i'm so good at acting like a human. everyone here thinks i am a normal human. i am getting a good grade in being normal which is possible to achieve and normal to want"

sylvester was the only person in the party who wasn't keenly aware of how fucked up she was and pretending not to notice

one time got banned from the actual city of downtown new orleans bc she killed a guard, wore his uniform, snuck into the jail, and broke out one of sweet caroline's neighbors. this ended up getting everyone banned from new orleans aside from hannah.

one time the party found a terminal in an abandoned outpost that was filled with dirt on the current mayor/dictator of their favorite town. she made a fake email account and sent everyone who owned a computer in that town a zip file of all those documents. no one knew aside from the party and like 2 other people knew she did it

also thought that a good way to sabotage the current mayor was to find some random ass child and pay that kid to lie and say they're the biological child of the mayor and the product of an affair, and the mayor chose to leave his own flesh and blood on the streets to save face.

according to the stats, she's one of the smartest members of the party.

this is the only fiction i've ever written about her, and i've never bothered to uploaded it but it's her back when she was just X6-33 and killing people for the institute. she had more of a personality then bc she was secure in her place as being simply a weapon and nothing else

she picked the last name “essex” because it was close sounding to her designation of X6

lately we've been kicking around the idea of like. what would our characters been like 5 years later and this is her! she is butch and has resolved all her issues around the concept of her being a person! idk maybe she helps the railroad now. dacian and her have nail painting sessions though

[jaehyunoos]

- Over it

Summary: You always preached about getting over your ex, real fast. But what if you haven't and you've been lying to yourself all along?

Genre: Breakup!au, angst, a tiny bit of fluff at the end

Tw?: Alcohol consumption, a mention of reader wanting to unalive herself, reader is lying to herself as a coping mechanism???

Pairing: Lee Jeno x fem!reader (brief mentions of Haechan)

Word Count: 1.7k (it's the longest I've ever written lmfao)

Author's Note; Angsty queen or what?? lmao,, HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE JENO !!!! also, my requests are open if you want to request anything I will deliver <3 if you read this I love you and thank you for reading !! Enjoy 💚

You were over him. You were sure of that. After breaking up you did absolutely everything to get him out of your mind and surprisingly enough, it worked. You got a new haircut, started a new job, took care of yourself better, and made new friends. Life was a piece of cake for you when he left, everything came to a lot easier, in which you were thankful for that. You had moved on once and for all... Or so you thought.

Finding yourself looking back at times you were with him, how happy he made you, how much of a gentleman he was, how he made you feel like you were high; above everyone, and how much pleasure he gave you, you were his muse.

Slapping yourself out of your trance, you promised yourself to not think about him anymore. This night was going to be all about you and you only. Not Jeno -hell- not even a hundred Jenos couldn't stop you from having fun tonight. You were over him and that was final.

Walking into the house; which the party was hosted. Nose filing with the writhing stench of pure alcohol, mixed with sweat, you internally gagged passing by a couple making out at the kitchen entrance, you rolled your eyes taking a beer from the fridge and making your way out to the sofa. No way you would get out of this party sober, you had to drink, you had to get wasted. In honor of this prick; Lee Jeno, your ex.

You always boasted about how you were over him and how you didn't love him anymore. How he hurt you so bad that your feelings for him just stopped. You were so full of yourself, wow you had gotten over a relationship that you thought would be tough to manage, what a surprise. But seeing him walk into this house -powerfully so- with a lady by his side smiling and hugging his friends, you started to rethink everything you've done so far.

Were you really over the one and only; Lee Jeno? Or was all of this just a front, a new way of coping without him in your life? How did you manage to lie to yourself and believe it?

You know what they say; fake it 'till you make it. But did you? Did you make it? No, the fuck you did not. You were not over him. And you wouldn't be able to get over him, ever. Today marks the day you realized you didn't move on, putting one and two together you realized that all this time you were lying to yourself, and everyone around you. The hypocrisy.

Chugging the liquid down your throat, along with the betrayal you felt, the cold liquid cooling off your insides, making you feel a lot better at that moment. You smiled to yourself, alcohol made you feel free, your coping mechanism of a real escape once in a while. You got up to your feet, straightening your clothes, you made your way to the kitchen once again. You made sure you walked past them in long, powerful strides, grabbing your beer and exiting the kitchen, the same way you entered.

You glanced at them, seeing as he didn't even spare a glance at you, you sulked on the sofa. You couldn't stop thinking about the way he held her, by her waist, as if she was something so delicate; so fragile that if he held her in his arms for too long, she would break and disappear from his arms. You wanted to cry at that moment, he looked so happy. Maybe he truly was, maybe he didn't lie to himself like you did, and he was truly over you.

Or maybe he wasn't, you liked to cope with that idea. That he was putting up a front for you and everyone, that he didn't move on from you, but only the pained ones can dream, am I right? You wanted to dip at that moment, hide forever; or die. You shouldn't have come to this party, ever. Maybe if you stayed home and kept lying to yourself that you were happy, that you were able to live your life better without him. But at the same time, you wanted to get up and give him a good old slap into his handsome face.

How could he move on that fast? Get a new girlfriend, just like that, as if you never meant anything to him, ever. A person sitting beside you, suddenly, took you out of your train of thoughts.

"Hyuck!!, hey!" you breathed out.

Lee Donghyuck aka; Haechan. One of Jeno's best friends aka; your emotional support boy, was there with you, in all your crazy times after your breakup with him. "Hey, babydoll" he came closer to your face so you could hear what he said. Babydoll. The nickname he created after he, unexpectedly, caught you crying over baby dollies once, while he was over for late nights talks.

"What are you doing here all by yourself, mi querida?" asked, him.

"I'm trying to have as much fun as I can, I have so much to do this week" you let out a fake sigh, you had no work, no classes this week. You were just creating excuses because you were gonna spend those 7 days crying yourself to sleep and eat ice cream 'til you throw up.

Haechan threw an arm around you "he's here you know" he motioned towards Jeno and his crew with his chin, you looked over there for a second, catching a glimpse of Jeno smiling. You looked down at your red solo cup, sighing, "I know, what can I do about it" you looked at his eyes this time. "it's his birthday today".

"I know, how could I forget" you smiled.

"Maybe, I don't know, go there and wish-"

"ooookay time to get up and dance" you patted his thigh as you got up.

"Gosh, why are you so stubborn, I asked you to wish him a happy birthday, not fuck him, for god's sake!!" Haechan shot up from the sofa.

You stood there for a second, frozen, what was this outburst?

"Are you out of your mind!? He's clearly over me Hyuck, and as much as I wanna go up there and give him the biggest hug I can't. I can't just barge into his life back again and be like "heeey" as if nothing ever happened between us, as if we didn't hurt each other!"

You didn't mean to burst out like that, he probably heard what you said in fact; everyone did. Tears gathering in your eyes, you ran outside, the embarrassment too much to handle. You felt overwhelmed. You felt as if everyone was pushing you all this time and you -just now- had finally reached your breaking point.

Sitting on a bench near the pool, you let your sadness, frustration, regret, lies; everything takes over you as you sobbed into your hands. You felt stupid for crying over something so small, you felt bad because Haechan was probably somewhere beating himself up for pushing your limits. You didn't mean to be that sensitive.

You suddenly felt movement beside you as if someone sat there. You took your face out of your hands and looked at the person. Gasping, you wiped your -now wide- eyes and sat straight. There was none there besides the one and only, yeah you guessed it; Lee Jeno. "Do you mind if I sit here?" he gave you a soft smile.

'It's okay, you can sit, I guess" you cleared your throat.

You looked at him as he stared straight into the sky, a soft smile displaying on his lips as he rocked himself gently, back and forth. Mimicking his position, you did the same as you looked to the front, enjoying the cold breeze. "What happened to us?" you heard him speak, you turned to him, shrugging, "I don't know".

"it's like one minute we were in love and the other we were not"

you frowned.

"true, it's just one of us stopped loving the other for good but the one who thought that she had everything under control, turns out she's still madly in love, with the other" you smiled at him.

What you said caught him off guard, his eyes went wide in shock, but he quickly recovered. "Look, don't get me wrong I loved you; a lot, heck I might still love you. No, scratch that I am still in love with you, but, I'm in a very happy and healthy relationship and I want to keep it that way" you felt yourself tense up at the word 'relationship' but you quickly covered it up with a smile "it's okay Jeno, I get it, I never really expected anything after our breakup anyways" you patted his shoulder as you continued looking at the stars in the sky.

"Hey, Jen" you called out to him.

"Hm?"

"Can I get a last hug?" you looked at him.

"Come here" he motioned as he opened his arms to engulf you in a hug.

That's what it felt like hugging your whole world.

Finally. She felt as if she found her peace again. Her safe haven. After all the pain, the drama and deceit, the chaos and despair, there was rest. She felt once again the warmth and safety of his arms and how his hands held her as if he had known her all her life. She was finally home.

"She felt as if she found her peace again. Her safe haven." But that only would last that long as Jeno had to go back home to the safety of the arms of his girlfriend, and she had to go back to an empty home, an empty world, cause that's what her world felt like without him; empty. She wanted him back in her arms, she needed to be in his arms, but it was too late for that as Jeno went back to his girlfriend and she had to go back home, full of regrets. She was not over him and she chooses to ignore it and the more she ignored it the more further away Jeno slipped from her arms to the arms of another.

[najatheangel]

𝐌𝐲 𝐁𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐞

pairing: Lee donghyuck x reader (ft. nct members)

genre: fluff, angst, comedy and spice.

inspired song: Bestie by Lloyd.

summary: donghyuck’s and his s/o memories as best friends leading up to becoming lovers. (btw this one’s a little longer than the ones i usually write so beware loves.)

Haechan’s POV: June, 24th, 2018. “Today’s the day where I finally tell her how I feel. After 7 years of my friendship, growing up together and holding back my feelings for so long, Today is the day where things change. I’m tired of being stuck in the friend zone this is my one and only chance before she moves away. Now or Never Hyuck...”

“She's a bad one not a fast one. Every time we get together we have fun”

Growing up, me and y/n always were always bound to be apart of each other’s lives. We’ve grew up in the same neighborhood, our parents met each other in school, our friends are dating each other and we even go to the same school together. Sounds very corny right? It’s true though.

Our thing was always playing horror games together every night after we finish doing homework together. She was always the procrastinator so I had to give her some motivation. Not only that, we always play around the swing sets in the park that’s right in front of our houses to talk about anything and everything that was going on in our life’s.

This one time she got so drunk after Mark’s birthday party and was trying to swing so high and flew off the swing set thinking she was super man. Heh, she can be such a idiot at times. She may be one of the goofiest, bubbly and sweetest people I know. She can also be caring, overprotective and keep me calm whenever I’m always acting crazy.

I don’t remember what exact moment I feel in love with you, but I do remember feeling like as time went by, my love for you stared to grow much stronger. Everyone around us was starting to suspect how we felt about it each other especially my mom she adored you so much and loved the idea of us being together.

She would always ask “Where’s your girlfriend y/n?” Or “Aren’t you supposed to be with your girlfriend right now?” Ah girlfriend, I love the sound of that. Anyways I was grossed out at the idea at first because I only saw you as my sister once before and not to mention I was immature.

She would always ask “Where’s your girlfriend y/n?” Or “Aren’t you supposed to be with your girlfriend right now?” Ah girlfriend, I love the sound of that. Anyways I was grossed out at the idea at first because I only saw you as my sister once before and not to mention I was immature.

She would always ask “Where’s your girlfriend y/n?” Or “Aren’t you supposed to be with your girlfriend right now?” Ah girlfriend, I love the sound of that. Anyways I was grossed out at the idea at first because I only saw you as my sister once before and not to mention I was immature.

She would always ask “Where’s your girlfriend y/n?” Or “Aren’t you supposed to be with your girlfriend right now?” Ah girlfriend, I love the sound of that. Anyways I was grossed out at the idea at first because I only saw you as my sister once before and not to mention I was immature.

Once we’ve started getting much older I've tried dating other girls but none of them just didn’t compare to you. I’ve tried to joke around with them, they wouldn’t take me seriously. When I try to ask them out on dates, they would ditch me for someone else. When I try to be affectionate, they reject and always want to stay friends. I normally had luck keeping girls around, but only for a short amount of time. It seemed like every week I had a new girlfriend.

I knew y/n was always frustrated at me trying to tell me there’s other fish in the sea, but hell I want to my little mermaid and that’s y/n-ie. I even teased her about it, but she didn’t seem to take a hint.

“You know y/n... we should honestly just date. We would be the next Hyuna and Edawn in the school. They would have nothing on us.” I even nudged her on the shoulder to get her smiling.

“Hmm? Are you insane that would be too weird. We’re like brother and sister.” I could tell she was flustered, but she wasn’t exactly to thrilled with the idea. “Plus you know how I feel about Mark already. I’ve got to really wow him at this game tonight.” Oh yeah I forgot to mention she had a crush on my other best friend Mark Lee at the time.

“I know she should just be my friend Yet I'm hoping, I'm hoping that maybe it will lead In love happy end.”

It would work my nerves every time she would talk about him and always would ask advice on what to do, but I was very hopeful and believed I still had to chance to win her heart. I gush to everyone including the boys everyday about how madly in love I was with y/n without even realizing.

I would tell everyone, well except her of course. Johnny almost told my secret to everyone at Jaehyun’s house party when we were all playing strip uno. It was shut down real quickly because Doyoung gave him a long hard talk after awhile.

That night was also the worst for me because that was the same days the homecoming game where you confessed your feelings to Mark and became officially a couple. In my mind I wanted to be happy for the two of you as I watched you two kissed each other in front of everyone.

After that day, I avoided you for a while and couldn’t accept the fact that I couldn’t have you at that very moment. I couldn’t spend more time with you, hold you, kiss you, brag to everyone how much I loved you.

Although I was torn and felt defeated when you started dating Mark, I still felt a tiny bit of hope that someday I would still have a chance to make you mine and have our happy ending.

Y/N POV: June 24th, 2018. The day that I say farewell to my best friend Lee Donghyuck before going leaving to go to Harvard. I can’t believe this day has finally come we haven’t had the chance to hang out throughout our entire senior year so I want to make this count. I also want to tell him how I’ve felt about him. Let’s see where do I even start....

“We were children when we met. Just playing house and drinking sodas at the corner store.”

I remember having a hard time making friends my family moves from city to city because of my dad career as a entrepreneur for multiple companies and my mom working as a travel nurse. I was bullied for my struggling with my weight and for being an outcast which caused a lot of depression for me.

One day I remember running away from these girls in my school because they were trying to throwing apples at me. It was they’re way of trying to help me “eat healthy.” Jokes on them I was the top runner in the track team hehe.

Anyways, I lost them for a good second until I was trapped surrounded by them at the market by my house. I almost felt at lost against the 4 girls, until this crazy guy Lee Donghyuck comes out of no where scaring them away with his Freddy Kruger mask threatening them to leave me alone or he’ll haunt them in their sleep.

I felt bad for laughing, but it was one of the most nicest thing anyone has ever done for me ever since I’ve moved to Korea. He randomly introduces himself to me and offers me to play with him for an exchange of saving my life from those bullies.

“Hey my name is Donghyuck. Those girls always find their next target to pick on, but no worries princess I’m here to protect you. Let me introduce you to my other friends.”

He reached his hand on to me and ever since I was always dragged on to his crazy adventures.

“Like a brother from another. Didn't notice all the other girls they wanted more.”

Donghyuck was pretty popular when it came to having lots of guy friends and dating even when we were kids. In 5th grade on Valentine’s I remembered his desk being flooded with chocolates and anonymous love letters stuffed in backpack.

The idea didn’t bother me at first because I saw Hyuck as my older protective brother. I even slid some letters in my self saying “Happy Valentine’s Day loser. Enjoy those kits kats!” We tend to tease each other a lot, but that’s how we showed our love to each other.

People in our class including the boys Jaemin, Chenle and Yang Yang were encouraging us to date, but we just never seemed thrilled with the idea.

“Awhh c’mon you guys would be so cute together. You guys have kissed once before anyways it’s a sign.” I remember the boys would always poke fun at us, but we both would scream.

“Ew no way! Plus that kiss didn’t count it was for a school play.”

Yet every time a guy would try to ask me out, Donghyuck would scare them away because he claims that I’m still too young to date. Smh, yeah I should’ve known that it was actually because you were jealous.

“But now look at the glow up. You're the finest thing I ever seen, but you never been more than a friend to me.”

As much as I hate to admit it, but god sometimes Donghyuck can be hot...sexy...hell good looking when he wants to be. It doesn’t help that he’s teasing me about it either.

There was this one time when we were playing Mario Karts in his room and it was on a hot summer day at the time. This guy had the nerve to take his shirt off in front of me with sweat dripping on his abs, hair slightly messy to the side, and leans back with his grey sweat pants on.

GREY SWEATS!! Like cmon. I could barely concentrate on the game after awhile admiring how painly handsome. I felt very guilty because I was still dating Mark at the time, but my mind was going 2 different directions.

“Hey y/n if your hot you can take your shirt off too. I thought my mom had the mechanic fixed the ac by now so sorry about that.” There he goes sticking his tongue out like that again. Does he have no shame.

“Umm, Hyuck I just remembered I have a test on Friday to study for. Tootles!” I knew if I would’ve stayed in his room much longer I would’ve either passed out or sink deep into his tempting body leaning against mine. It was not only the heat in the room that was driving me crazy, but my beating heart that was burning my chest.

Before I tried to leave he shut the door and pushed me against the wall staring deep into my eyes. “You know princess, we don’t have a math test Friday right? I’m in the same class as you.”

This man uggh, next he proceeds to make me look at him in the eye by lifting my chin up. “D-did I say math test, silly me. I meant biology test.” After laughing awkwardly for a while I realized he wasn’t laughing with me like he usually does. It was like the vibe changed in a matter of 5 sec.

“Listen y/n...I know your dating Mark and all, but would it be wrong to just let me hold you one last time.” Yeah it would be awful, especially when your still technically half naked in front of me.

I’ve never even gotten close to kissing Mark before, yet my friend of 6 years is going to do it. So I had to run out of there before things got worse. “I-I can’t do that Hyuck. You know that wouldn’t be right. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

“I'm thinking that one day you'll be mine. And I don't wanna lose you.”

I ran home as fast as I can hyperventilating before I let myself caught any feelings. The truth was for awhile I only wanted to date Mark to try to forget about Hyuck, but after that night I’ve started to realize that I can’t escape my feelings that I have for him it’s impossible.

I love him more than anyone in this world. The thought of that saying had me laughing and crying that night.

June 26th, the day Donghyuck will have one last chance to confess his feelings before his princess y/n leaves off to go to school. Y/N and Donghyuck both run out of each other’s house and decided to meet up at the swing set after 6 years.

They both sit down sighing looking up at the orange sunset sky that’s shinning throughout the area. The two of them slowly swing looking down at the ground waiting for the other person to speak up first.

“So...I bet you probably heard the news already huh? I’ve finally got accept to Harvard. So tomorrow I’ll be going back to my hometown to begin my semester in fall.” Donghyuck responds back by saying.

“I know, I heard from my mom. She nearly cried. You know it would’ve been nice to hear from you. I haven’t seen you since last week.” Y/n finally looks up at him with tears falling down her face.

“Hyuck I’ve been going through so much this past week. I’ve broken up with Mark, my brother was stuck in the hospital and I almost had to repeat senior year if I didn’t pass that state test. So I’m sorry I didn’t contact you lately.”

Hyuck quickly stands up and hugs y/n gently by stroking her hair. “It would’ve been nice to hear your voice. I miss you and I love you.”

They both freeze up at the words he just said “Y-you what now?” Hyuck gulps at first, but then he snaps out of it ready to pour his heart out.”

“LISTEN PRINCESS I LOVE YOU OKAY?? Not just as a friend either. This whole year I never got to hang out with you and I don't know how to pretend, I hate falling in love with my best friend. That night you left my room I almost gave up on us, but I knew I had to tell you before you walk out of my life. Talk about bad timing right?”

Y/N starts giggling wiping her tears for a split second but then smiles by saying.

“I love you too Donghyuck. I have for a long time actually I just didn’t want to ruin my one and only specially friendship I had with you. I was even thinking that trying to move on by dating someone else would work, but it didn’t. Without you in my life, I am blue as the sky.”

The two of you of crack up laughing again at your embarrassing thoughts of each other, but immediately stop trying to think of what should happen next.

“We’re truly some idiots. Now we only have a few hours left of being a couple before you leave. So what happens next y/n?”

Y/n sits on Hyuck’s lap hugging him tightly and leans into his face by saying. “No worries we’ll figure this out once I move. For right now let’s just enjoy our last few hours together as a couple.”

Hyuck wraps arms around y/n waist and feels his heart skipping a beat once she starts kissing him softly in his ear. “Princess you know I’m very ticklish right there.” Ignoring his comments y/n proceeds to kiss his ear again, but then starts trailing down to his neck.

“My B-E-S-T, a true friend to me. Give me love and energy, that is what you send to me”

“Mmm keep calling me princess and I promise you I won’t be able to hold back.” He wiggles his eyebrows at your bold response and smirks by saying...

“Well what’s stoping you? We can do it right here right now on these swing sets.” He starts sliding your hands in your thighs while finally kissing you on your lips.

All that built up passion and emotion was easily displayed as you were kissing him. Not to mention the fact that he’s sliding his hand in your jeans which is making it hard for you to keep your voice down.

“Ahh keep it down y/n...Do you want the neighbors to hear you?” He teases you more by moving your hand in his jeans. “Do it for me too.”

“Lee Donghyuck, are you crazy?? Why don’t we just do this in your room. We will get caught for sure.” He pouts for a second and says

“Yes I’m crazy for you. You already know this though. How about this, we can finish this in my room and we can just tell my mom we stayed up playing games again all night long. Deal?”

“Deal!” You give him one last peck on the lips and grab him by running into his house like there’s no tomorrow. “Slow down princess!” The two of you slammed the door in his room and for the whole night you never dared to leave his side for a split second.

“It's what you do to me.”

The morning after ended up becoming very emotional for the both of you, because this is the last the you’ll be seeing each other face to face until the both of you are done with school. While he’s off becoming a singer, you’ll be on your way becoming a lawyer.

Out of all the places you could possibly move away from again your home next to Donghyuck and his family was the hardest to leave from. You made so many memories here and would cherish it for the rest of your life.

Before heading the road you give your best friend and now boyfriend one last hug and kiss on the forehead before putting your last luggage in the trunk and hitting the road to start your journey.

Although your both moving on to different paths of life career wise, you both will always have your history together and promised to reunite as a couple again when the time is right.

Thanks so much for reading this far you guys and feedback would be much appreciated. ✨

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 🏷 : @himitsu-luna @starrdustville @xxminmixx @dundun-baby @purplepsycho03 @kpopsnowball

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