#like will these people buy the autism school if it closes down and do the same thing to it because oooooohhhh crazy ghosts

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

There’s a real paranormal attraction near me open at night!!! :D

…but everything is done in such a tourist-attracting way that the whole business appears to hinge upon sensationalized exploitation of the mentally ill >:(

[witchthewriter]

⁺₊‧₊⁺‧₊⋆˖⁺‧₊☽ 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐌𝐄! ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ⁺‧⁺‧

I've been on this site for a while now, so I thought I would tell you all who Witch the Writer really is 🧙🏻‍♀️🔮🪄

𝑾𝒉𝒚 𝒅𝒐 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒇𝒊𝒍𝒆?

Writing has always been part of my life. It was the thing that I was good at. Always in the top English class at school - whenever I couldn't get high marks in English; it really tore down my confidence.

But what really generated my love for writing was fanfiction. That's what kept me going in the hardest time of my life. Especially custom made fanfics with a character that I was shipped with.

And I just want to give back to people who may be in that state of mind. Who feel like they can't talk about their interests to other people because they feel awkward or weird (btw you aren't. you're allowed to like what you like. as long as it doesn't hurt you or others.)

𝑯𝒐𝒃𝒃𝒊𝒆𝒔

Reading, writing, collecting rings, journaling, tarot. I'm also collecting as many books as I can because I want to have my own library where people can take whichever book they wish.

I also have hyperfixiations due to my autism; so I'll go in hard when something peaks my interest...

𝑷𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚

INFJ

Chaotic Good

Gryffindor

Aquarius Sun, Capricorn Moon, Aries Rising, Pisces Venus

I'm a passionate person and have strong opinions. I will always stand up for what I believe in, no matter how scared I feel. That usually ends up with me being labelled, 'the loud-mouthed man-hating feminist'. But I believe in progression and equality, so if that's what I get called, so be it!

To sum myself up:

Intelligent/witty

Easily overwhelmed (the autism)

Very sympathetic/empathetic

Open-minded & Progressive

Love to laugh and make others laugh too

Sensitive and have a very strong sense of intuition

𝑨𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒄

I love cottagecore, I'm very witchy but also a little grunge and gothic at the same time.

𝑳𝒊𝒌𝒆𝒔

Learning - especially witchcraft, watching tv, day-dreaming, listening and discovering new music, I love being at home, writing and then taking a reading break. I adore baths and constantly buy items from Lush.

𝑫𝒊𝒔𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆𝒔

(other than the usual injustices of sexism, racism, and homophobia), I strongly dislike spiders and will scream whenever I see one. I don't like close-minded people, or those who make fun of others. I hate passive-aggressiveness, large crowds and loud sudden noises.

𝑳𝒊𝒍 𝒇𝒖𝒏 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒆

Have shaved my head. Asked my stepdad for his clippers and went into the bathroom and ...hacked at my hair. It was very liberating, I think every woman should do it at least once in her lifetime

I adore animals - I have 2 cats and dog!

Bought a tattoo gun from the internet and I tattoo myself. I do the majority of my own piercings as well. I like to learn how to do things like that. I've kinda learned how to do hair and do mine, my mum's and my nunna's.

[realbeijinger]

A semi-coherent rant on climate change, the value of idealism, and a criticism of TGCF (But also not really because I haven’t finished it yet and also I love MXTX…)

I’m in the middle of Book 3 of Tian Guan Ci Fu, and it is legit making me depressed. Like really, unnecessarily sad. I know I should probably wait until the end to write up my thoughts since I don’t know how things will ultimately turn out, but I feel like I need to process. And so, here we go…

First of all, I am sooo Xie Lian. I feel like this story gets me down so much because it hits too close to home. When I was little, I was super idealistic—I used to go around telling people that love was the most important thing in the world, and that civilization was wrong, because we were destroying the environment, and so we should all go back to living in harmony with nature. I was like a crazy, radical five year old, but also somehow mature-sounding and nauseatingly sweet. Grownups loved me and assumed I would grow up to do something big. But… I haven’t really. Instead I am just a normal person and realized that the world is actually super complicated—like I said, sooo Xie Lian. Except I never became a god or saved even one person…    

Anyways, it’s not like I disagree with MXTX’s criticism of blind idealism. She hit the nail on the head—crushingly well. But I guess, like Xie Lian, I am still clinging to that last bit of hope I haven’t let go of yet.

In TGCF and Mo Dao Zu Shi, things are never black and white, and she criticizes those characters who act with a blind sense of righteousness. She believes in nuance. And yet, in our current moment, we are headed toward a climate catastrophe, and it feels like we are all just sitting back, trying to carefully weigh the ideal course of action—the pros and cons, scared of being too rash, too impulsive—while the world burns.

When I first started watching the Untamed (which is where my MXTX journey started), I was initially drawn in by this extremely beautiful man who was willing to sacrifice so much to do what was right. I loved how he refused to compromise with this screwed up society. Because, I am so frustrated with myself for always compromising. For being part of this system that’s horrible and destroying the world and personally doing very little to stop it. And I wanted to be inspired—and for a minute I was by Wei Wuxian.  

And then, of course, it turns out that the real message was the complete opposite of that, and having dogmatic, uncompromising morals is not something to be applauded. In the eyes of MXTX, it’s very dangerous.

And I mean, she’s not wrong. But I can’t help but think maybe we still need heroes like that. I really admire Greta Thunberg who refuses to fly in planes, buy anything new, doesn’t eat meat. Before anyone joined her protests, she was ditching school every day, literally sitting all by herself in front of Swedish parliament with one pathetic-looking sign. I mean that kind of commitment takes HUGE resolve. It has to come from a total sense of self-righteousness, from a complete unwillingness to compromise or back down—a refusal to listen to her parents, or her teachers, or the large numbers of people around her who were definitely telling her she was nuts. I mean, I try to go veg, and my mother-in-law hands me one homemade meat dish and I instantly fold…

In interviews, Greta often talks about how being on the autism spectrum causes her to view the world in very black and white terms—with good and evil being clearly defined. She often refers to the older generation as “evil” for their role in the climate crisis—a word MXTX would probably not approve of. Normally, I don’t think black and white thinking is good. I also believe in nuance. But when it comes to something like climate, it’s incredibly complicated but also incredibly simple. We have to stop burning fossil fuels. We have to do it now. If we want humanity to survive, we don’t have a choice. We gotta pull out all the stops. We can’t hesitate. And if we do, we’ll lose everything. Any drawbacks that may come from us not using fossil fuels are completely outweighed if the climate goes to shit. There’s no real nuance in that. And to get people to make that sort of change, you need passion. You need motivation. You need feeling. Basically, you need blind idealism. We are soooo screwed, and really, blind idealism is all we have left.     

And I want to have that. Part of me wants to get back to that idealism I lost. But like Xie Lian, I don’t know how…

I dunno. There are always reasons not to do anything. Most of us know life is complicated—our limitations are usually way too obvious. But, I think, sometimes we still should take the single log bridge into darkness. And maybe we need some dumb, cliché hero story to give us the motivation to do it…

Of course, saving the world is not easy. Especially when it comes to large scale national or international politics, the situation in Xianle demonstrates very clearly how easy it is to create unintended consequences. Everything is so complex. There are so many factors, so many competing interests to consider. I do not envy political leaders.

But most of us are not political leaders. Most of us are just ordinary people who want to make the world a little better. We have the capacity to be activists, but that’s it. We don’t have the power to make detailed policy decisions anyway. And so, to some extent, I don’t think we need to worry so much about all that. We just have to push politicians in the right direction.

Even at that high leadership level, though, I do think it’s possible to make better choices—ones that create less harm. And I do think we have an obligation to try and find those. I don’t agree with what the State Preceptor said (and what I think MXTX actually believes), that “Assigning fault is meaningless.” To me, that’s akin to giving up on morality altogether.

A lot of this is a matter of perspective. Yes, if you zoom out far enough, assigning fault is meaningless. But then, if you zoom out far enough, everything is meaningless. Everything we love and care about will one day be gone. Our battles for justice, for equality, for the people we love, will all be entirely pointless once our current society goes the way of the Aztecs, once humanity disappears, once the earth gets swallowed by the sun.

Again, if we zoom far enough out, climate change is not really a problem. According to that wise state preceptor, “In this world, fortune—good or bad—is predetermined.” MXTX believes there is only so much good fortune in the world. If we somehow manage to take too much of it, we will eventually pay the price. Balance will be restored.  

Which is exactly what is happening in this era of climate catastrophe. In the past 200 years since the industrial revolution, humanity has taken a lot of fortune. For the first time in history, we don’t worry every day about finding food. We’ve conquered a whole host of deadly diseases, have greatly reduced our need for manual labor, and can spend our days in mental pursuits, making art, or writing self-indulgent essays about Chinese web novels.

All of this, I would argue, is not really because of human ingenuity, but because we happened to find an incredibly powerful energy source—fossil fuels—which have given us the illusion of “human progress.” Let’s remember that this “progress” has only lasted for about 200 years, a small dot on the graph of human existence (300,000 years), and that for most of that time, people viewed history as a cycle, with inevitable ups and downs, rather than a continuous march upward.

In other words, in the past 200 years, we’ve taken too much fortune. But nature will correct the balance. I don’t think climate change will destroy life on earth. Even if the worst happens and humanity bites the dust, other species will most likely persist, evolving into creatures completely new—a rebirth, of sorts. Looking at it from that far-off, disinterested perspective, it’s not really a problem. It’s just what nature does. New species follow each other, one after the next—like passing seasons.

But, even if all this is true, I don’t think we can be so detached. I don’t think we can live our lives believing that morality is pointless, not trying to do the right thing, or not worrying about how our actions affect others. If we approach life with such indifference, what’s to stop us from completely giving up?

One of my favorite TV shows is this old drama called Dead Like Me, where a wise, older character (a state preceptor, of sorts), says to the main character, “If you stand too close to a painting — all you see are patches of color, if you stand too far back, you can't see any of the detail.” In other words, when it comes to life, you need to stand the right distance away. Personally, I think MXTX is standing too far back. It’s true, there is so much we can’t control. Though we may be able to make things better for a bit, we cannot alter the basic cycle of life. Life is suffering. It was true when Buddha said it, and it’s true now. And if we try to “attempt the impossible,” as the Jiang motto says, and radically change that dynamic, we will fail.

But unlike in MXTX’s universe, fate doesn’t really screw us at every turn. Every day there are small victories. I used to do social work, which really was an exercise in the futility of trying to fix deeply rooted problems with insufficient tools, but I still remember those few times when I did do something right: the old man with dementia I got to take his meds, the guy who found his family on Facebook.

Even just writing a stupid email to Biden telling him to stop the drilling… we have to value those actions. We have to be invested. Sure, the universe doesn’t care. But I think we should still care. We can’t just throw up our hands and say the world is fucked. Because if everyone did that, the world really would be fucked. Even more so than it already is.  

Again, I realize I don’t entirely know where she’s going with all this. It’s very possible there’s going to be more to it than just criticizing idealism. Despite all the depressing stuff, I see crumbs of hope in how Hua Cheng loves Xie Lian, and values his attempts to help others. The line, “Although foolish, it is brave,” just floored me. I loved it so much. Honestly, I’d probably be happy if she leaves open any hope for idealism at all.   

But also, I have to prepare myself for the possibility that I will not totally agree with what she has to say. Which should be fine. I mean, in real life, I’m pretty good at interacting with people I fundamentally disagree with. But… in the hands of an author like MXTX, I feel like my emotions are like putty. I’m completely at her mercy. And partially, I don’t want to fight that. I want to give myself to the story, and lose myself in it completely. That’s a great feeling, but also, kind of… vulnerable? And then, when so emotionally invested, to suddenly realize that what the author’s saying bothers me…

Of course, I’ll get over it. I always do. Usually I write meta or fanfic as a way to process—to get out of someone else’s story, out of their head, and back into my own.

Anyways, we’ll see. Don’t tell me what happens!! I am trusting YOU, strangers on the internet!

If that’s not blind idealism, I don’t know what is…

[razzmothazz]

Makoto lore drop whaaaat [mostly just for me but posting it for anyone else that was interested, its kinda vague rn but ill expand it later]

-mostly uses he/him but doesnt mind other pronouns

-owner of the units sekai

-drowning in guilt after an accident + additional trauma made him feel like hes bringing misfortune to people [mostly coming from family making him feel that way]

-struggles with close connections because he convinced himself that he doesnt need them/will only hurt people etc.

-keeps accidentally making friends/getting close to people despite trying to avoid that [its always in the silliest ways too]

-constant struggle with the thought that he should hurt someone and be distant so he can be alone vs how could i ever hurt my friends when they love me and care about me so much

-struggles with empathy and showing [mainly positive] emotions

-very close with his sister, the only bond he never ever thought to break

-loves fashion!! mainly fancy clothes, he often buys 2nd hand and makes the clothing way fancier himself, only shopping at the mall/regular stores occasionally

-he loves going out and admire other peoples outfits while doing whatever it is he needs to do but he ends up feeling like an idiot for staring at strangers

-autism. his special interests are early 2000's fps horror[ish] games and fucking. physics. but specifically the kind that has to do with nuclear stuff like nuclear weapons history, radiation etc. idk how else to specify it but yeah. he went fucking crazy for half-life btw

-big fan of creepy things in general, has a lot of odd figurines of creepy little critters in his room displayed on a shelf. before anyone asks yes, he was a creepypasta kid.

-loves the aesthetic of abandoned stuff and finds it comforting. somehow

-very active on social media, likes to post snippets of music he makes, believes that his music brings luck to those listening and thats how he "fights off" the misfortune he brings

-loves admiring nature!! will often go on walks just to see some pretty flowers. often compliments rui on his work with the school garden, he thinks rui has magic hands or something cause personally makoto could NOT keep a plant alive for even a week so .

-has something of a persona? hes very chill and a down to earth guy, but for reasons unknown to him he seems to always speak fancier and puts on a demeanor of someone with a huge ego/smartass when around people he doesnt know well/at all. sometimes he catches himself doing that even around those close to him, tho to a lesser extent. it seems to make less people want to befriend him tho, so he doesnt exactly mind. hes still polite when he does that but it always throws people off somewhat, gives the vibe of some fancy pants rich guy pretending to be an average joe or however else u wanna describe it

thats all for now, some of these might change but this is what i have for now :3

[oc-siblings-bracket]

OC-Siblings Bracket 1.3

info down there because these posts are long ↓

Luno & Solano by @electrozilla &

@capricciothespoon

Info: Luno and Solano (often referred to as the Track Twins) are train conductors that were killed in train-related accidents when they were young, and due to some cosmic shifts being pulled, they wound up becoming immortal magical extradimensional train conductors operating the Eclipse Railroad, which goes around fixing dimensional anomalies. Luno is far more mild-mannered and patient, though he does not do as well with humans as Solano, often missing social cues and misunderstanding sarcasm. Luno also does not like to eat or drink, and has a completely monotonous voice, and he also never smiles. Solano is high energy and is always ready for adventure, and always has a smile on his face. He knows how humans work and is able to work around them, but simply chooses not to in favor of chaos. He says whatever comes to mind, and is incredibly expressive. He doesn't like to sleep, and has a pet named Sunspot. The two of them together care about each other more than anything, and would go to the ends of the universe for each other if needed. The Track Twins' designs were based on Ingo and Emmet from Pokémon!

Montgomery & Fromage Blanc by @the-first-step

Info:

Montgomery is a friendly baker from Quebec who is part of a story I’m working on! He joins a bake off competition for a cash reward in the hope that he can earn enough money to pay his father’s hospital bills and support his sister’s dreams of becoming a music artist. Fromage is a quiet teenaged girl who takes interest in a lot of different computer media. She’s very passionate about music in particular but she also likes to edit videos for fun. :] I think people should vote them because 1. it would make me very happy. 2. Montgomery and Fromage are very close! They both care for each other a lot and want to support the other whenever they can. Montgomery adores listening to the music Fromage produces and he’s more than willing to help her buy any equipment she needs for producing. Fromage loves cheering on Montgomery whenever he bakes and she’s always happy to taste test his pastries. 3. montgomery and fromage are The adhd + autism sibling duo ever. (also also sorry if the images are poor quality :( i havent had time to redraw them properly because executive dysfunction is beating me up and school is overwhelming me lol)

[smileymoth]

For the ask thing. I wanna know your 10 headcanons about Etho. And 10 more about one of your OCs please :3

ok ok.. Etho <3

He SUCKS at expressing his emotions. He does not know what he is feeling. Ever. This leads to misunderstandings with everyone, especially Bdubs since he is very vocal about his own feelings.

He's nonbinary and gender-non-conforming in a way :333

He sometimes chases his own tail when he's in a silly mood and forgets that he in fact has a tail. He falls over and whimpers because he got dizzy. (sometimes the fault of too much redstone)

HE IS 100% A SCENE KID. Perhaps even an emo kid. He had raccoon tails as a teenager and wore heavy eyeliner and homemade tripp nyc trousers since his parents wouldn't buy him a pair

There's always something off about his construction work. When he lived in the monolith basement he sound proofed it, but somehow it only soundproofed it to him, Bdubs could still hear what he was doing down there. Etho has no idea how that is even possible.

He got his face scar as a child, but doesn't remember how he got it. All he knows is that it didn't heal properly so now he has a semi-split lip which he is very self-conscious about, hence why he wears the mask. Bdubs is most likely the one of the few people who have seen him without his mask since he trusts him the most.

You know, he could get his lip fixed via surgery, but he is afraid of doctors and needles and syringes and the idea of someone putting him under anesthesia, so he'd rather not.

Oh and also he has dust and pollen allergies. Because of course he does. :) Good luck with that Etho!!! The mask does help.

His sleep schedule is awful. He goes to sleep in the middle of the night if not the morning, sometimes he forces himself to pull allnighters which end up with him being out of commission for an entire day -- he hates it. He needs to be productive and do things.

This also means he eats redstone for extra energy. It makes his heart race and sometimes makes him shaky but he doesn't care. He thinks it tastes quite nice. But again which redstoner doesn't consume redstone for the fun of it...

HE'S SEASONAL. He sheds fur on his ears and tail in spring and grows a thicker layer on during autumn.

AS FOR MY OC.... Let's do June because I've been thinking about him a lot lately :heart:

He goes by all pronouns, he doesn't care what you call him since he doesn't know what gender is. If he was born into genZ he would ID as non binary or a trans femme, but since this is the 80s he does not know if to call him that or not. He's just June <3

June isn't his legal name, his legal name is Julian. Boys at his school would call him Julia because of how feminine he was. That same group would become his close group of friends who would drag him everywhere. He did not know if they were doing it out of malice to make fun of him and put him in weird situations or because they genuinely liked him. One of the boys 100% had a crush on him.

His dad was a college professor teaching English, his mom was a nurse. This meant that they were barely home as his dad had work quite far from home and his mom did long hours. Since his parents were quite distant, it also distanced him from them. He'd rather call his beloved Nanny his family than his actual parents.

He developed an eating disorder in middle school which has carried out throughout his life, with recovery and relapse over and over and over again. Age 40 his heart gave out and he had a cardiac arrest. Luckily he could be resuscitated but it left him with short term memory problems and other issues.

June loooves her band mates. He'd do anything for George and Lydia. He and George would share the bed if possible and cuddle together since they were both severely touch starved. This continued after they both found life partners since everyone was ok with it.

She has autism that was undiagnosed till late adulthood when his partner forced him to therapy for his eating problems.

June has insomnia, so when he finally did fall asleep during tour Lydia and George would make sure to be as quiet as possible to not wake her.

He met his life partner Lawrence on their american tour in late 80s. They met at a bar and June dragged him back to the tourbus afterward. June was instantly starstruck with him and refused to let him go so they spent a few years sending each other letters and meeting up every now and then till Lawrence moved to the UK to live with him. Law calls June his 'girlfriend' and 'wife' infront of his friends which makes June melt inside. He will never get enough of kissing Lawrence. <3 They're disgustingly cute together. George doesn't get how Lawrnece is so patient with him... George also didn't like Lawrence in the beginning bc it felt like he was stealing his best friend. Lydia couldn't stop teasing him about how ''ohhh you like your little June <333 you love himm<333" which pissed him off. Anyway. I'm getting carried away T_T

June can be very annoying and stubborn. She needs to get her way always and forever, and gets upset when she doesn't. When he's upset with someone he tends to just ignore the other person, giving them silent treatment, even if he's still cuddling up to them. Sometimes when he's very overwhelmed he does simply shut down and loses speech for a bit until he feels better.

He has always carried his childhood teddy along with him everywhere -- to tour, to new homes, on trips. It is his comfort item that is always with him, even if hidden at the bottom of the suitcase.

!!! thank you Ety!!!!!!

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Hello !! I’d love to request a matchup for mha, pjo, & haikyuu <3

- I use any pronouns & identify as genderqueer

- I am polyamorous, queer, and on the aromantic spectrum. I don’t really experience romantic attraction but I’d be with someone of any gender. For me, I’m just happy being close to those I love whether it’s in a romantic or platonic context. I also enjoy typically romantic stuff like dates and all that :^)

- I am a Gemini & INFP (I think ?)

- I am 5’10, pale, lanky & built like a cereal box. I have freckles and dark circles under my eyes. My hair & eyes are both dark brown, my hair being streaked with white and usually kept down & cut sort of in a shag around my shoulders. I also have a nose that’s kinda big with a bump. I’m almost always wearing glasses & have a wardrobe of long flowy skirts, cute grandma sweaters, graphic t shirts, & fun socks.

- I’ve been told that at first glance I’m a very shy and closed off person, sometimes coming off as cold & like I hate everyone. I’m naturally awkward & socially anxious whenever I’m around people I don’t know well which makes me clam up and rarely speak unless spoken too in which case I’m still soft spoken. It can take a while for me to open up but over time I become a lot more talkative & outgoing around my loved ones. My personality is usually described as dorky, very kind to a fault, a little awkward, and a daydreamer. I would describe myself as very emotional, I’m a huge crybaby, a huge dork, introverted, friendly, and very giggly 24/7. I make a lot of bad dad jokes/puns & will laugh at basically anything. I love rambling about my interests & am very enthusiastic about it.

- I love reading & writing, I have my own worlds that I’ve created in my head and would love to share with anyone who’ll listen. I like reading fantasy & mythology, specifically Alaskan myths because I’m Alaskan. I play peaceful games like stardew valley & animal crossing. I also like sweet things, dnd, music, & animation.

- I dislike big social events & loud music because it overwhelms me. I also don’t like school since it does not work well with my anxiety, ADHD, and (probably) autism. Too much social interaction can tire me out and cause me to shut down & stop speaking until I can recharge.

- My hobbies include writing, drawing, skateboarding, jigsaw puzzles, & crochet.

- My love language is gift giving & time spent together !! I give my loved ones things I’ve made for them like stuffed animals, bracelets, or other art & will buy them snacks or something that reminded me of them. I like spending time with my loved whether we’re talking or just existing in comfortable silence.

I think I included everything I want to !! Thank you very much in advance <3 👾

Hi Anon! Thank you for your request! I hope you like your matchups!

In My Hero Academia, I match you with...

You and Shoto are like the cold-at-first-glance-but-actually-really-nice couple of UA!

You're one of very few people who has heard Shoto genuinely laugh. I see him as someone who loves dad jokes so please tell them to him! He's going to have the best time.

Enjoys listening to you rant about your interests. He doesn't really say a whole lot but be rest assured he's listening attentively.

Similarly, he'd love listening to you talk about your fantasy worlds. He thinks you're very clever to be able to come up with such amazing things.

Shoto also doesn't particularly like loud noises or places so he'll help you avoid them if at all possible. He can't do much about the rest of 1A though. There's no one who can make them quiet down.

Please teach him how to crochet! He'd love to have those sort of skills and has been meaning to try knitting for ages so he'd also love crocheting.

Quality time is also Shoto's love language, so you'll be spending a lot of time together in comfortable silence. Whether you're reading, crocheting, or doing a puzzle together, he just loves your company.

In Percy Jackson, I match you with...

The main man himself! Percy is the most supportive partner you could ever hope for.

Loves skating with you! Percy Jackson is definitely someone who knows some cool tricks on a skateboard and he'd love to have staking dates with you.

Definitely wants to train with you. The best way to make sure you can defend yourself, demigod or not, is to see for himself how strong you are.

Always wears the bracelets you've given him. Yes, he knows he's wearing seven bracelets on one arm. So what?

Another one who loves listening to you ramble about your fantasy worlds. He can't believe you can come up with such creative things when you already deal with all of Greek mythology on a near daily basis.

Super respectful of your dislikes. The minute you walk into a noisy environment, he's scanning to see where a quiet spot is and as soon as he sees you starting to shut down, he's gently pulling you over there for a break.

He'll stay there with you as long as you need, wrapping an arm around you and sitting in comfortable silence.

In Haikyuu, I match you with...

Hinata would love to teach you how to play volleyball. But only if you can teach him skateboarding!

Please teach him skateboarding. But make sure he's wearing a helmet and guards on his knees, elbows, hands...basically everywhere.

He's going to fall over a lot until he gets the hang of it (and still a fair bit after than as well) but he's loving every minute of it.

Keeps everything you've ever given him. Whether he's wearing your bracelets or hanging a crocheted keychain from his volleyball bag, Hinata likes the little reminders of you.

Loves listening to you ramble. And loves rambling to you as well. No one else can get a word in sideways when you're both in the zone.

He can be pretty loud but he'll always try to be more mindful when you're around. He's told you a few times that if he's being too loud, just hit him (or get Kageyama to do it).

Hinata would enjoy relaxing with you after a full day of volleyball. He may have almost inexhaustible reserves of energy but even he needs a break sometimes. Those are the moments when he just wants to relax with you in comfortable silence.

[in-my-feels-probably]

hi! could i have option two please? a romantic matchup with any of the teen characters from stranger things (male or female) since i’m 18? x

firstly, i use she/her pronouns. i am 5’2, have brown hair that reaches to my chest, hazel eyes, pale skin and a pear shaped, average physique. i also have a stoma bag on the right side of my stomach and a scar going from the middle of my stomach to the bottom. i usually wear a pair of hoop earrings, two/three rings across both hands and black painted nails. i either wear no make-up when i’m at home or light make-up (eyebrows, mascara, concealer) when i go out. i usually wear my hair down or in a ponytail and my style ranges from sweatpants and a sweater to anything chic, but recently i’ve been loving skirts in particular :)

some of my favourite things include fantasy/romance books, action and mystery movies (knives out and back to the future are my favourites of all time), new york city and any songs by fleetwood mac or queen.

i’m quite nerdy, so i love marvel movies and tv shows such as supernatural and the boys. i’m the type of person to create character arcs and future plot points as theories and nerd out about them to my friends. i’m autistic as well, so i infodump stuff like this to my friends quite a lot. linking to my autism again, i’m very shy, but i open up once i get closer to you (i kinda don’t stop talking once i’m comfortable around you). i have quite a positive outlook on life, i don’t like other people bullying others for their interests or things out of their control (sexuality, race, gender etc). i’m told i’m quite organised and determined, as well as a good friend who people can trust.

other hobbies i have are editing, playing guitar, singing (especially theatre) and chatting with friends. i also like to defend and fight for equal rights and justice across all subjects, primarily doing this through social media.

okay, that should be everything, thank you for doing this !

hi! thank you for participating :)

i ship you with jonathan!

in high school, he would think you’re so pretty. it would take him a while to build up the courage to talk to you, but once he finally did, you’d immediately click. you’d have so much in common. id consider him to be pretty nerdy, and he would absolutely love talking about movie franchises or comic books or anything else that you’re into. he would think you’re adorable, ranting about all your favorite things and theories to him, listening to you with a little smile on his face. i’m not sure if he would listen to fleetwood mac or queen on his own, but you’d definitely hook him on them, and he’d end up buying their records and tapes. and in return, he’d make you mixtapes, or have you listen to some of his favorite music when you hung out. once you got really close, he’d know he could tell you anything. you’d mutually trust each other with anything. jonathan got harassed a decent amount in high school, even a little still after. he’d know that you absolutely hate that, and would be there to comfort him whenever he needed it. you’d have to remind him how good of a guy you think he is, and that it doesn’t matter what any asshole says about him because it’s not true. he would have lucked out with you, knowing that you didn’t give a shit about what anyone else said. you’d always be there to support him, and will too. will would really like you, joining in on hanging out with you sometimes.

after jonathan showed will the clash, he’d be sucked in immediately. maybe one day, you’d surprise them both by learning on of their favorite songs. you’d bring over your guitar, playing it for them. it would become a routine. jonathan would call, asking you to come over, sounding a little upset. you’d know that either him or will had a rough day, and needed some cheering up. so you’d bring your guitar, letting yourself in and plopping down on the couch. they’d come out of their rooms when they hear you, coming into the living room.

jonathan would smile at the sight of you, with your guitar in your lap. “you brought your guitar.”

“i did,” you’d say, motioning for them to sit down. “any requests?”

“you’re the best. you make it so easy to love you.” jonathan would say.

“ew. get a room,” will would joke, fake gagging. “but he’s right, you really are.”

you’d fight off a blush, shaking your head. “hush, stop it. seriously though, sit down and give me a song. i learned some new ones.”

[catis15]

Haha

I've been skipping classes and am currently failing all but 1 of my classes. Am I failing cuz I'm skipping? Nah, I just did 80% of the past 3 weeks of work in an hour. Turned it all in and got As ans Bs on all of it. The shit I got Bs on is because I half assed it cuz I'm impatient 😅

But the Mother who literally said she doesn't give a shit where I go, doesn't give a shit if I move out and never come back, doesn't give a shit about me because I'm an ungrateful brat she'll be happy to get rid of, is having a meeting with the school tomorrow.

' To figure out how to deal with me because I'm a problem'

She has already told me that in the meeting I will be forced to quit my job and all extracurriculars. I am President of FBLA, vice president of DECA, and an active member of HOSA. I also attend D&D club when I have time for it.

My life will be from home to school back to home.

I have diagnosed depression, anxiety, and ADHD. There is a high chance I also have PTSD and autism.

My mother is not nice to be, hasnt been since I was about 8 or 9 years old.

I am responsible for paying my school bills including supplies, buying my own food, and for my mice's food, bedding, and vet bills. I cannot just not have a job.

And while I'm sure most people are like 'well you shouldn't have skipped' I have insomnia and struggle waking up sometimes when I'm able to actually sleep without waking up every few hours or not being able to sleep at all. I miss my morning class a lot. I spend time with my girlfriend (someone my mother hates and has literally yelled at over the phone before and has begged me to break up with) during some of my afternoon classes because I could do the entire curriculum in a day without studying and get a B. I've been doing this since 7th Grade.

I take that time for myself because I have been on and off suicidal or bad suicidal thoughts since I was 7 to 9 years old (that timeframe is really blurry for me so I am not 100% sure on my age) this time keeps me from living the life I'm about to get again be forced into, where I have no life outside of studying for school and being belittled by my mother every night when I go home. This means I will be living off of ramen, canned soup, and whatever I'm lucky enough that my parents do not want and leave in the fridge. Sometimes they cook. Usually once or twice a week if I'm lucky.

I'm not a great daughter. I will be the first to admit I'm a little fucking asshole, I'm not nice or thoughtful twords anyone but my little sisters and my grandparents. I fully admit I have said horrible things about my family, but I've only ever heard that from them. When it wasn't that it was about how well I do in school and how I need to keep it up keep it up keep it up. Until I collapsed, until I realized getting straight Cs and jeopardizing my academic future was better than that constant pressure. How much freedom can be found in being the family screw up.

I'm left to my art and my business ideas and my relationship. All things my mother has told me are unproductive, and silly, and useless, and going to bring me down from my potential.

There wasn't really a point to all this, but I am genuinely afraid of what my life is about to go back to. For a while I wished I could remember how to just shut up and do as I'm told again, because I can't seem to remember. But now? I'm glad I can because while I might be miserable I'm sure as hell going to fight in any way I can.

My only fear outside of that is how it will affect my girlfriend. She is more emotional and attached than I am. I'm used to being away from family and having relationships torn apart, being in a military family. And while she is used to it too in some ways, it affects her a lot more. I literally cannot get attached like how most people describe. Every time I get close I get a depressive episode and can't feel much of anything for a bit. But I don't get close often, maybe once or twice a year.

There's no point to this, just a personal rant on an account no ppl ik in real life know of :)

I needed to tell someone but don't have anyone to really go to 😅

[lemme-just-oops]

Request of the boys with a autistic and adhd reader?

I'm getting tested for adhd in the future so I'm excited to figure myself out. And then I'll test for autism after that.

(Sorry, it is hard for me to mix both of those things into one post. This is for a person with autism.)

Alpheratz: You may learn that he is looking at your face a lot when you talk. But mostly because he realizes that you do act different than most people, but he cannot point out what it is exactly. Is it your accent? Or the way you avoid his eyes? And conversations with you seem to trail off sometimes. He does not understand you too well, but he understands what he needs to. When you ask him for a favor or support, he will help out and he will remember what you like to do to concentrate and calm down.

Arcturus: If you prefer physical stims, you may enjoy his hobbies. He has a lot of soft wool, and you may find it interesting to touch differently knitted patches. By the stars, he will make you stress balls. When everything is too loud for you, he will guide you away. In fact, of all the characters, he may be the greatest support, because he wants to accomodate everyone as much as possible.

Pollux: He will borrow your fidget spinner once, and now he has twenty. He has some amazing skills with it as well. When you are sensory overloaded, he will help you get away. If it helps you when he cups his hands over your ears in those moments, he will do that. It was one of his first reactions to your sensory overload as well. He will carry an emergency stimulant-object for your needs. If you like certain smells, he buys you erasers smelling like that. When you talk about your interests, he mirrors your excitement, and will listen to you for hours. Even if you explained ONE thing three times already, he will ask about it, just so he can hear your excitement again.

Sirius: Unlike most people, your expressions are hard to read. When you explain that this is caused by autism, he just nods. He never heard that word before, so he will do a lot of research about it until you meet again. You may find him asleep in the library with a stack of books and self-written notes by his side. As much chaos as he loves to stir, he makes sure to not cross the wrong boundaries. He tries listening to audios, that are targeted for neurodivergent people, but he gets goosebumps every time. But if you like them, he will send them to you.

Spica: Never doubt his ability to help students with certain conditions. He had a diagnosis before you entered his life, in a way. Step back, relax and let him show you around. His dedication will not falter, even at requests you would consider shameful. If you lost an object that helps you calm down, he is going to find it. Even if it is somewhere in the ocean. He will ask you about your needs as early as possible, and asks about what to avoid. After all, he managed to ban Grapes from the entire school ground because one person was allergic, he will do it again.

Vega: You and him share quite a few traits. Your faces reveal few expressions, and you will talk about the things you love nonstop, but barely talk about other topics. He keeps a close eye on you, learning about your habits silently. And when you need his support, he will be by your side immediately. Did you know that almost all cafés in this world cater to autistic people? And he will visit them with you.

[summers-pratt]

can we get autism and adhd centric headcannons for spike?

I mean so much is already canon but I will try my best to expand lol

-Special interests/hyperfixations include poetry (fullly believe he was juat constantly reading and writing poetry as a human), slayers, Passions, onion blossoms (he did learn how to make them himself)

-he is constantly fidgeting with his lighter, flicking it open and closed, pacing, drumming his fingers on his knee and it's even worse when he's anxious so when Buffy notices when it gets bad she just takes his hand and kisses his knuckles and plays with his fingers as he plays with hers and the added stimulation of Buffy helps calm him down (also when he was with the whirlwind and he would fidget and pace it would just annoy them and Angel and Darla especially would just try to beat it out of him or threaten him and Dru found it all very funny. But with Buffy it's better.)

-whenever he has to pick anything up at the store he spends five minutes just staring at the selection of whatever he needs to get and then just ends up impulse buying entirely too much of it. Like, he'll be sent to the shop around the corner to get the ice cream for movie night and he will come back after an hour with three bags of what appears to be half of Ben and Jerry's entire collection. (This of course is why Dawn put him on ice cream getting duty and had Buffy make room in the freezer, which Buffy grumbled about but once she sees her boyfriend standing there with three bulging plastic bags she has to admit that maybe her sister was right this one time.)

-he was absolutely hit when he was in school (by other children obviously but also teachers) bc he would interrupt and speak out of turn bc he knew the answers and had to say them (this of course was trained out of him and resulted in him just talking to people less in general and kind of receding into himself to the point where if he did have to be where social interaction was required he would just sit off to the side by himself)

-he is constantly misplacing things, keys, tv remotes, books, pens, phones, he just sets them down when he doesn't need them in his hands and it's never in the same spot (Buffy also does this, while Dawn has a Place for Everything and it drives her bonkers her parents are like This)

-Buffy asks Spike to do something, like the dishes or something, while she's out, and when she gets back a couple hours later he's alphabetizing their movies, music is blaring, the floors are slippery bc he mopped them, and the dishes are only half done.

[astra-galaxie]

Itzel Ramirez

Biographical information

Full Name: Itzel Ramirez

Gender: Female

Status: Alive

Age: 6 (season 1)

Birth: 2006

Race: Human

Nationality: Mexican-Spanish

Origin: Grimsborough, USA

Residence: Grimsborough, USA

Family:

Eduardo Ramirez (father)

Valentina Ramirez (mother)

Arturo Ramirez (brother)

Lucia Ramirez (sister)

Mariposa Ramirez (sister)

Profile

Height: 3'6" Age: 6 (season 1) Weight: 45lbs Eyes: brown Blood: B-

The youngest Ramirez, Itzel is a sweet little girl with short black hair tied back by a set of pink ribbons and warm brown eyes. She wears a pink and purple hoodie, dark purple leggings, and sparkly light-up pink and white sneakers. Her pockets are always filled with random objects that she finds throughout the day that look pretty, like rocks, leaves, and flowers.

Synopsis

Itzel is the fourth and final child of Eduardo and Valentina Ramirez. Like the rest of her siblings, she is a minor character who appears in The Case of The Criminal. She goes to the same school as her sisters, where she loves reading time, her music classes and playing with her friends at recess.

In her free time, Itzel serves as a member of the Grimsborough Girl Scouts. She loves attending scouting events, especially those with the Grimsborough Boy Scouts because she gets to hang out with her Uncle David Jones, who volunteers with the Boy Scouts. Jones always buys a box of Girl Scout cookies from her and every other box afterwards. Itzel says her Uncle has a cookie addition, but with his help, she sells out every season, so she sees nothing wrong with his cookie obsession.

Itzel loved visiting Pacific Bay to see her father and attend her Aunt Adalet and Uncle Fili's wedding. While she had a lot of fun at the wedding, she liked spending time with just her family. They visited many beaches, went seashell hunting, built sandcastles, and even got to bury their father in the sand. But they had to dig him out before he got sunburnt.

Story Information

First appeared:

Bomb Alert on Grimsborough (cameo)

Happy Birthday to You! (first speaking role)

Trivia

She was diagnosed with level 1 autism (commonly known as high-function autism) near the end of her first year in school

She doesn't let people underestimate her because of her autism and shows them that kids with disabilities can do things just like "normal" kids can

She loves the colours pink and purple

She and Avi Douglas are close friends despite her being a year older than the boy

After hearing about how her father took down a criminal with a frying pan, Itzel began practicing how to use a frying pan as a weapon

It has resulted in multiple people getting hit in the knees by a frying pan, followed by the little girl tearfully apologizing while sticking colourful bandages on the person's bruises

Itzel loves baking with her mother, especially when making traditional Mexican or Spanish desserts like Conchas and Churros

Arturo got them matching noise-cancelling headphones to help Itzel when she gets overwhelmed. He got himself a pair because his sister was scared to wear them at first, so he told her they could be headphone buddies!

Arturo also made Itzel several music playlists for her to listen to to help her sensory issues. They range from calming tunes to Itzel's favourite songs from children's movies

She loves going on walks with Lucia around town and visiting the playground by their house. Her older sister taught her how to swing and promised to show her how to use the monkey bars once she was old enough

Itzel loves listening to Mariposa read her stories, even if her sister is reading them for school. Mariposa does different voices for the characters and knows how to bring the stories to life for her little sister

Disclaimer: Character design was created using Rinmarugames Mega Anime Avatar Creator! I have only made minor edits to the design! Background courtesy of CriminalArtist5.

Links to my stories:

The Case of the Criminal (Ao3/Wattpad)

Killer Bay (Ao3/Wattpad)

Where in the World are the Killers? (Ao3/Wattpad)

[chiafett-moved]

Using all the clones from ur high school au, what kind of civ clothing do you think they'd wear?

Okay okay okay I took some time and went to TOWN on this one so clone clothes below the cut

Fox:

First and foremost, Fox has his own pinterest board. There’s not much in the way of clothes there, but yeah. 

Lots of red and black

Hoodies and jeans. Jeans and hoodies. Hoodies and Jeans

If you saw the shape of my body No You Didn’t 😁

Someone help him

Always dressed as though it’s approximately 20C. Sort of like a comic character who wears variations of the same outfit.

For someone who hates being perceived, he does wear some tight clothes

Overall, sort of unintentionally punk/emo and tired

Lip, tongue, and ear piercings

Hunter:

Also has two pinterest boards (butch AU and normal)

Cottagecore farmer. Lots of neutral tones and loose, soft fabrics

Loves knit things

Very picky about texture and fit. If it’s tight, it gets donated

Wears things until they fall apart. This does not take long

Soft, waterproof, ankle-high hiking boots that he wears everywhere

L a y e r s 

Constantly putting his hair up or taking it down

Very concerned with taking care of his curls (and for good reason; they’re gorgeous)

Farmer’s tan n freckles

Tech:

Business casual some days, absolute trash others. There is no rhyme or reason. 

If Hunter’s all about consistency, Tech is the opposite (autism vs ADHD in a nutshell lmfao)

Pockets are a must

He has a messenger bag a la Spencer Reid 

Big ol’ glasses with a thick enough lens that you can see behind him if you look at the right angle

Converse

Has these awful graphic tees from the time he went to Goodwill with Hunter

Wrecker:

Big comfy sweaters like those ones they sell at Old Navy

Walking hug with steel-toed boots

He has trouble finding XXL Tall clothes that aren’t Barbecue Dad™ so he takes what he can get 

Rips the knees of pants first

Rips the tags out of everything

Cannot match colors to save his life and hasn’t yet figured out the Hunter tactic of just owning neutral things

He has a lot of fun hats

Carhartt short sleeve shirts and jeans with sharpie and paint on them

If he can’t move in it, he doesn’t want it

Big fan of open short-sleeve button downs over tees

Constantly asking Tech to hold things for him (they get lost in the Bottomless Messenger Bag)

Crosshair:

Typical teenage boy with a side of edgy

You know those joggers with the puffy knees or the cargo pockets? Big wearer of those

Sneaker Snob

Once he dressed up for a school event and he looked so good but pretended not to notice

Big City Gay energy

Constantly has a pack of cigarettes on him, so he’s got to have a pocket for them. He’s got to have a pocket, right? I just can’t see it from here. There must be a pocket because otherwise where is he getting those he’s pulling them out of nowhere send reinforcements—

Steals Hunter’s worn-out, oversized flannels but he’s a tall bitch so they’re pretty normal on him. How is he making them look so edgy?

Dogma:

Wears the same outfit a concerning amount. Like, you don’t notice anything and then all the sudden he’s been wearing the same thing for two weeks. Doesn’t smell bad or anything, though, so ?????

Always put together, but in that way that’s kind of fraying around the edges

I don’t really know how to describe his clothes beyond a sort of vibe? Idk

He’s a really skinny guy and he loves clothes with angular shapes and hard edges, so he kind of looks like a stick figure with really cool geometric designs

He tries to look sort of formal and aloof, but it doesn’t work

His Manic Art Kid vibe is visible from space, though

He looks cute but in a freshman kind of way. Like, “aww, look at him!”

But also radiates the kind of energy that makes people highly concerned

Many ear piercings and one eyebrow piercing

Tall gangly and intimidating

Always carrying his backpack

Tup:

Basically Dogma but with softer edges and rounder shapes

The Ridiculously Well-Adjusted Art Kid

Always has paint somewhere

Looks like a mess but makes it work

Messy buns

Big fan of overalls and colorful shirts

Likes long sleeves

Converse out the ass, but in a ton of different colors

Big sweaters

People forget he’s tall and Stronk because the way he dresses makes him look small (oversized things do that)

Got his ears pierced when Dogma got his third helix, but let them close

Stacked bracelets

Echo:

Somehow soft punk meets varsity kid? He makes it work

Khaki pants but cool 

Open zip-up hoodies and comfy, well-fitting tee shirts

Sneakers only, unless he has to be fancy

Sometimes wears fingerless gloves and refuses to explain why

Undercut

No I lied sometimes he wears stompy boots just because they’re at odds with the rest of his aesthetic

Basically big calm comfy vibes without looking sloppy or informal

Will wear button downs as normal shirts with jeans

Likes to do the graphic tee over thermal shirt thing

Joggers

SKATER BOY. That’s the word I was thinking of. Soft skater boy (he and Fives both skate)

Fives:

Band tees and jeans 

Not a fan of shorts. Has anyone ever seen his legs?

Constantly has this big-ass set of headphones around his neck

Beanies

Also a graphic tee and thermal shirt layerer

Rarely not wearing jeans

Sometimes wears pajamas to school specifically to piss off teachers

Snapbacks

Paints his nails a variety of colors, but mostly black. Somehow the polish is always chipped

Big wearer of Vans, actually is a skater

Tears through the elbows of his jeans jackets falling 

Cody:

Gay smart kid. Debate team captain. Soccer captain. Looks better than you. Looks better than the teachers. Could kill you. 

He wears a lot of half-zips and khakis, but makes it look less nerdy than usual

Sports paraphernalia helps. Hard to look nerdy when the zip-up you’re wearing is from wrestling Nationals

When he wears tee-shirts, they’re always tight? Does he buy them a size small on purpose? (yes, yes he does)

Collector of those really nice zip-up hoodies with the geometric designs that make them look really nice and neat

Actually wears sunglasses when it’s sunny

Has never been seen in a hat

Neyo:

Oh god oh fuck DIY punk? He’s oh god he’s

Neyo my dear that sweatshirt is falling apart

Neyo is. Troubled and in a Bad home. His clothing choices reflect this. 

He does not want to touch or be touched and he wants to look cool doing it

Stoner kid but Spiky

And also he doesn’t actually smoke

Wears combat boots that look like they’ve seen blood

Skinny jeans bc he’s edgy and cool

Patch pants/vest

Also has a pinterest board

Bacara:

Bland depressed kid. Jeans and dark hoodies

Seriously he’s just trying to vibe. He wants to be comfy and he doesn’t want to draw a ton of attention

Black converse

Constantly has a farmer’s tan

Not a fan of short sleeves

Thinks Neyo looks ridiculous

Has never been dress coded in his life 

Seriously Bacara’s idea of spicing up an outfit is wearing like. A polo. 

[maybedefinitely404]

Not Your Typical

Genre: college AU, hurt/comfort (kind of?)

Pairings: romantic Demus, Logicality, and Prinxiety

Content: some language, autistic character, sensory overload, mentions of losing friends in the past, anxiety, unintentional self harm, Roman is kind of a jerk but he regrets it, food mentions, unable to eat certain consistencies, beach/water/swimming, Janus being a disaster gay, ASL, selective mutism.

Word count: 6k

Comments: Like always, I don’t intend for these to be so long. Holy cow.

Janus is written based mostly on my experiences as someone with autism, and how it’s affected my childhood/relationships/daily life. No one’s experience is the same.

Janus was always alone. Alone, not lonely. 

Most of the time, that is. 

His whole childhood was an endless cycle of make a friend, weird them out, be alone. Find another friend, weird them out, be alone. And sometimes it hurt, yeah, but he got used to it. At home, he spent the entire day in his room, assembling structures out of legos before tearing them down and starting over. Sometimes he’d build something really cool, and that would stay up for a long time. He didn’t have any siblings, and his parents didn’t give a whoop as long as the floor was generally clear, so no one ever bothered the space ships or towers or just really long lines that stretched from one wall to the other. He liked those. 

Things changed when he got to middle school. Life started getting real, people became more than just recess friends, and that unsettled him. He made a couple close friends, friends that he really opened up to only for them to leave him when he became too much. He just couldn’t help it though; he couldn’t help the way he bounced when he got so excited he couldn’t breathe, or how he couldn’t use words when he got overwhelmed by the touch and the noise, or how he couldn’t stop talking about his favorite shows or books. He was labeled as childish. It was like a label had been stuck to his chest that read “avoid at all costs”, and people did. 

So he relearned how to be alone. He put a lava lamp next to his bed for when he needed something constant to look at, he got a collection of chewy necklaces and stim toys that never left his room. After a lot of research, he convinced his parents to buy him a weighted blanket for when every touch was too light, too agonizingly light, and he needed something firm to ground him. At school, or really around anyone, he learned to control his more obvious stimming and touch sensitivity by staying in oversized sweaters and jeans. He taught himself basic sign language for when he couldn’t talk, even though he knew his parents wouldn’t understand him. They took forever to learn basic signs, for ‘water’ or ‘quiet’ or ‘no’, and both eventually got frustrated and gave up. As if their frustration was anything compared to his. 

It was going great, not perfect but better than before, until he graduated high school. Suddenly he realized he was about to move halfway across the country, to a new environment with new triggers and new people who didn’t understand that he wasn’t frowning because he was pissed, but because smiling when you didn’t understand the reasoning was exhausting. Why do people smile and greet you when they enter the room? Why couldn’t that be more of an… understood thing? I’m here, you’re here now, we both know that, so why bring so much attention to it? For once his parents were kind enough to help him out, taking him to the campus during the summer to get acquainted with the surroundings and learn the map by heart. He talked to the admission’s counselor, explaining his disability and why that meant he couldn’t be on the side of campus near the highway, because the constant noise and common sirens would make him explode. They were eventually able to move him to one of the other buildings, one with apartments instead of dorms, even though that was generally only for third and fourth years. It took a load off his shoulders; less noise, less people. The one thing he couldn’t do was meet his roommates before the year started. 

The school got them into contact, and since he was the last to be assigned to the six person pod, they added him into their pre-established group chat. The other five already had nicknames, ranging from ‘Dad’ to ‘Rat Bastard’, and he immediately felt like an outsider. Not like that was new to him, though. Except, he didn’t stay like that. When one of the group, ‘Nerdy Mcnerd’ on the chat (he’d long forgotten their actual names), asked him what he liked and he immediately sent a list of special interests and hyperfixations, the top being snakes, it was like a door had been opened. Nerdy Mcnerd was a fan of space as well, and the two stayed up until all hours of night on their own chat discussing space and their place in the universe. Rat Bastard had an affinity for what people would categorize as “creepy animals”; octopi and squid, spiders, star-nosed moles, and most importantly, snakes. Their conversations mostly involved dopey pictures of snakes and unintelligible key smashes and emojis. Emo Disaster shared his love of darker themed TV shows, and they started a couple new ones at the same time, constantly updating each other with theories. When he mentioned his major was psychology, Dad was immediately overjoyed to be sharing the major with someone, and offered to help him study for the harder classes. He didn’t hit it off quite so well with Princey, who was put off by Janus’ so called “moodiness” and didn’t trust him. 

When they finally met, it was supposed to be great. Janus knew the environment, somewhat knew his roommates, and was surprisingly excited for the new year. His joy was suddenly vanquished, however, as meeting these people face to face took a turn for the worse. Dad, Patton, immediately tried to go for the hug when he walked into the apartment for the first time, and was slightly taken aback when Janus reared back so hard he hit his head on the wall. The glee disappeared and he apologized profusely, and that’s when Nerdy Mcnerd, Logan walked in, explaining that Patton was very physical. They were over it rather quickly, but Janus shuddered as soon as the other two turned to each other. They had already claimed one of the three rooms for themselves, so Janus chose the one furthest into the apartment. He dropped his suitcases next to one of the two beds with a deep sigh. The thought of a hug… no. It unsettled him greatly, made his skin crawl. Maybe one day, but not now. 

Emo Disaster and Princey, Virgil and Roman, arrived later in the day, hand in hand, bickering animatedly when they walked into the apartment. They were greeted with a huge hug from Patton and a side hug from Logan, and that’s when Janus recalled that they had all been roommates the year prior and again, felt a small tinge of pain. He was still the odd one out. Virgil gave a two finger salute to where Janus was sitting curled up on one of the bar stools, knees pulled to his chest and for the first time, Janus didn’t feel compelled to give a forced smile in greeting. It was a relief. The small nod was all that was needed. Roman however, was a different story. When they happened to make eye contact for the first time, the taller man still standing in the doorway, Janus flinched. Hard. The man’s eyes burned through him, as if scouring through his brain, eyes so full of passion that Janus had to look away. Eye contact was only an issue for him sometimes, but with Roman, it physically hurt. Which only made the theatre major more suspicious of him. As he passed him on the way to get a glass of water, the taller man blurted out, “You’re a first year, why are you in a third year building?”, earning him a gentle smack from Virgil. He answered with a lame shrug and rushed back to his room, conceding to just go to sleep, regretting leaving his drink on the counter. 

No one besides Janus was surprised when the door burst open at three am and a loud voice screamed, “I’M BACK, FUCKERS!” He was frozen in place, woken with such an adrenaline rush that he couldn’t move. Outside, the other four exited their rooms with varying levels of annoyance and delight, greeting the final member of the group. Remus, as Janus heard them proclaim, was his roommate, the only two dwellers not in a relationship. The gremlin burst into the room, a deranged smile on his face, and Janus wanted to cry. Why did he have to be stuck in a room with the loud one? But Remus saw the mismatched eyes poking out from under the blanket and with no hesitation, sunk to the floor next to the bed, still smiling but a million decimals softer. 

“Hey, Snakey. Sorry to scare ya. I’m Remus, but you can still call me Rat Bastard if you want. Call me whatever, I don’t really get offended. You go back to sleep, I’m gonna get settled in. We can talk in the morning.”

Janus wasn’t planning to fall asleep, not with this new person in his room, but Remus was shockingly silent as he unloaded his things (he packed a bunch of garbage bags, not even a suitcase or box), and he couldn’t help the way his eyes slipped shut. 

First semester came to a close, and he was equally delighted and horrified that everyone was staying on campus for break. It had become harder and harder for him to avoid movie nights, or family dinners (as Patton called them), or days they all went into town together. In the beginning, he put it off to being tired. Then, studying for exams. Now with school halted for nearly a month, he was out of excuses. It was getting to the point where he could feel the frustration from his roommates, and he wanted to admit how much he wanted to spend time with them, until his drawer full of secret stim toys and chewy necklaces called him back. At times, he let himself spend time with them. Baked something with Patton, talked about the stars with Logan, sat with Virgil as they studied, and it was good. He never was able to escape Roman’s cynical glares that made him absolutely shudder, but he got on much better with his twin. 

Remus never minded if Janus only greeted him with a raised eyebrow, and he was okay to have more one sided conversations while Janus drew, or after a few weeks, stared unapologetically. Because god, there was so much about Remus that Janus couldn’t help but watch, even if a normal person would get uncomfortable by his wide and unblinking eyes. Luckily, Remus was no ordinary person. But the younger still kept the drawer to himself, only allowing himself to nom on the plastic or squeeze the orbeez filled squishy snake with intense fascination when he was alone. So every time he was with the others and felt the need to stim or infodump or was about to have a stress induced meltdown, he would excuse himself and leave without so much of a goodbye. He couldn’t, not in front of them. Every time he left, he could hear Roman’s quiet remarks about him that stung more than he wanted to admit. 

He’d had so many people leave, people he allowed himself to get close to, only for them to see the side of himself he tried to hide. In his heart, he knew that part of him wasn’t bad. It was just him. Other people didn’t understand that, though. No matter how much he tried to convince himself that no one would judge him, or laugh at him because they weren’t like that, he was scared. The effort was wearing him thin, and it came to the point where he realized he had to tell them. He had to, or he would burst, and that would be way worse.

It was just three little words: I. Am. Autistic. And he’d explain everything, tell them about his stims and limits and how he needed space sometimes and hugs others, and spill everything about himself, and they’d accept him. They’d have to, right? Only, the night he was planning to blurt out the truth, something stopped him. 

They were eating dinner, one of the only ones he’d attended in a while. Patton kept glancing at him from across the table as he picked half heartedly at his lasagna, distracted from the lively conversation between the twins and Virgil. The whole thing was speckled with bite sized pieces of mushrooms and zucchini, two of the foods that he couldn’t eat to save his life. The texture made him want to recoil into himself and scream and yank at his hair, and he’d learned early in life that that wasn’t a normal response to food. He wanted to explain to Patton that it wasn’t the meal itself he was avoiding, that it wasn’t Patton’s cooking that he didn’t like, it was just the texture of those two things. 

Well, maybe that was a good gateway into his big announcement, if you could even call it that. It felt almost as scary as his coming out to his parents had been. If they didn’t take this well, he might be exiled from the group. If they tried to put up with them, they’d get irritated so quickly and slowly freeze him out. He really didn’t want that. It needed to happen though, he realized. How much worse would it be if one of them walked in on him having a meltdown, holding a pillow over his mouth to block his screams, biting almost animalistically on a necklace? How unsettled would they be if they saw him hitting his blanket pile out of repulsion of the feeling of his textbook pages? Better to warn them ahead of time. It was only luck that had gotten him this far.

Just as he opened his mouth to speak, Logan hit the table with the heel of his hand and let out an almost guttural scream before storming into his and Patton’s room, slamming the door behind him. Janus nearly fell backwards off his chair, matching Virgil’s surprised expression. Roman went silent, wincing slightly.

“What…” It was the first word he’d said the entire meal. Patton whipped his head towards him as if he’d forgotten he was there, a sudden sympathetic look on his face. He gave a weak smile.

“Sorry about that, kiddo. Logan has autism, sometimes he can’t handle the stimulus around him. Or maybe he just had a rougher day than I thought. I’ll check on him after dinner, give him some alone time.”

Logan has autism.

Logan has autism. 

Oh my god.

It was like everything clicked into place. His passionate talk about topics he was interested in that could rival Janus’ (if he would ever let himself infodump like he wanted). His mannerisms, his occasional emotional outbursts, his rigorous unbreakable schedule, it all made sense. For a brief second, Janus was elated. Someone like him, someone who understood! And if they accepted Logan, maybe they would be able to understand him, even if they presented different areas of the spectrum. 

But… how would that look? Janus had hidden away his neurodivergent traits for so long, repressed them until he felt like he would literally explode… what if they thought he was faking it? It’s not like they knew him well, not with the amount of time he avoided being around them. They might think he was lying to get attention, didn’t want to be left out. Wanted to be special.

Patton seemed to be waiting for a response, he noted. He gave a curt nod, hoping it displayed that he was unbothered by Logan’s disability, before giving a stupid excuse about some reading to finish over break and darting back to his room. Remus joined him later, saying nothing about the fact that Janus was huddled under his weighted blanket, no book in sight. He sat down in front of the bed, a common habit of his now, and began to quietly talk about some new dark fantasy story he was designing, his lilting voice soothing Janus to sleep.

Time passed, winter came and went, and the end of second semester was drawing near. Janus was still careful with the way he presented to the others. They had picked up that he didn’t like physical contact, and though they never said a word about it, Patton’s lasagna recipe shifted, kept changing, until it no longer included mushrooms and zucchini. Janus refused to believe it was for his sake, though. He tried to join them for a couple movie nights, but the constant fear of stimming made his anxiety spike, therefore finding the need to stim more compelling, until he had to leave. It was getting harder, however, now that it was that pleasant in-between time where he understood how his new profs worked but it wasn’t exam season yet. His excuses were dwindling. Like always, Roman made his stupid quips that hurt him more than was probably intended, and he’d finally had enough. 

Maybe that’s why he was staring out at the open lake in front of him, hands playing absentmindedly with the hem of his shirt as Patton and Remus squealed, sprinting into the water without a second thought. One of their shirts had landed on Janus’ sandaled foot, and he quickly kicked it off as the light touch began to irritate him. Logan stood to his side, watching his boyfriend with an almost imperceivable smile. 

“You guys could have helped carry stuff if you were just going to stand there!” Roman’s indignant voice carried over the lawn, muffled slightly by the pile of towels he was carrying. Virgil snorted, whether in agreement or at Princey’s expense, Janus didn’t know. Either way, he dumped his handful of lawn chairs unceremoniously onto the lawn at their feet. 

“You two set these up then. I’m hot, I’m going swimming.”

“Damn right, you are,” Roman grinned. Virgil raised an eyebrow.

“Damn right I’m hot, or I’m going swimming?”

“Yes.” He didn’t give any of them a second to retort, scooping up a shrieking Virgil before sprinting them both into the water. 

“They didn’t even take their shirts off,” Logan commented, picking up a chair from the pile and unfolding it. Janus quickly joined in, helping him set the four chairs into a line and placing the towels down in front of them. “Did you want to go swimming?”

Admittedly, Janus hadn’t actually gone swimming, much less to the beach, since he was a kid. He was lucky to have even found a swimsuit amongst his other barely worn clothing; how it had snuck into his suitcase, he didn’t know. The water looked inviting and it was hot, but right now he was exhausted from the long ride over in Remus’ truck, having to refrain from plugging his ear when it got too loud or maintain his breathing carefully when a leg touched his.

“Maybe in a bit. I’m kind of tired.”

Logan turned to look at him, dare he say scrutinizingly? He washed the expression away quickly, asking, “Would you like me to stay with you?”

“No, it’s okay,” Janus mumbled, “You go have fun. I’ll be fine, I like the quiet.” As if to punctuate his point, a child screamed from the playground, making them both flinch.

“Are you positive?”

“Yes. Go enjoy yourself, Logan.”

He nodded curtly, pulling his shirt over his head in one fluent motion and walking towards the waves professionally, as if he were walking towards a lecture. Patton cheered from the water.

Janus didn’t concern himself with the time as it passed, instead letting his mind wander while he focused on a line of ants that were crawling up a tree next to him. It wasn’t until a fast approaching form caught his attention did he tear his eyes away, hearing him give a shout of “Be right back!”.

Remus plopped himself onto the towel next to him, still panting from the run, but grinning from ear to ear. As he ripped open a water bottle and drank greedily, Janus couldn’t help but stare. Water glistened on his skin like jewels in the afternoon sun, plastering his hair down over his jaw and eyes. His eyelashes were barely fluttering against his cheekbones as he guzzled nearly half of the bottle, his adam’s apple bobbing with each swallow. The jut of his shoulder, almost touching his throat, taking his weight as he leaned back on his arm… the whole thing was fascinating. People interested Janus as a whole; the way they functioned, how they seamlessly picked up on little cues from others that Janus was still in the process of figuring out, even down to intricate biology of cells was incredibly captivating. But Remus was so much more than that. His voice when he spoke him to sleep, never mentioning it the next day, the way his dark eyes glimmered with hope when Janus agreed to eat with them, the twitch of his moustache as he covered a laugh at Patton’s corny jokes. 

He was art, plain and simple. 

Janus didn’t know if what he felt was romantic attraction. It sure felt like it, except it had never felt quite like this before. It wasn’t that he was asexual or anything, he was actually decently far from it. It was just how uncomfortable most physical contact made him that gave him the idea he might never have a partner in the way that he wanted. He wanted to hold hands, to cuddle, to kiss… but at the same time, he didn’t. That is, he didn’t know how he’d handle it. Sure, he’d had crushes in the past, cute boys from his classes or celebrities in the shows he hyperfixated on, and still the feeling of uncertainty had stayed. With Remus, something was different though. Never before had a crush ever felt so breath stealing, chest clenching, awe inspiring-

“Like what you see?” 

Janus flinched, realizing Remus had finished drinking and was beaming at him with that stupid gorgeous gleam in his eyes. He looked at his lap immediately, feeling his face heat up. 

“Sorry.” 

“Not a problem,” Remus smirked, having the audacity to wink at him before standing up. “I’m going back in. Coming?” He reached out his hand, hopeful. Janus took a breath, acknowledging that this was his first time initiating contact since he’d arrived, and grabbed Remus’ hand. The surprise on the other’s face was almost enough to make him laugh. He pulled the younger to his feet, keeping a firm hold in Janus’ hand. And… that was okay. 

Until it wasn’t. 

The second his feet touched the sand, it was like alarm bells exploded behind his eyes. He couldn’t describe it, but it felt wrong. It gave in too much, light sprinkles of sand covered the top of his feet and instantly every nerve was on high alert. He ripped his hand from Remus’, stumbling backwards onto the grass again. The elder spun to him with concern.

“Snakey? What happened?”

“I- hmm, no. I can’t. Nope. No no no. Wrong. It… hmmmm. Can’t.” The last word dragged out as his brain seemed to disconnect from his mouth. His mind didn’t work, so focused on how every blade of grass was swiping along his soles too softly, too gentle, too much. His hands had curled into fists and he was fighting against everything inside him to scream bloody murder, because oh god the wind was brushing the hair onto the back of his neck and it tickled and make it stop make it stop!

Janus could vaguely hear someone shout, and the loudness floored him. Get away, get away, it’s too much it’s too much. The feeling of the grass was gone, and he was sitting on his beach towel, but the wind was still brushing his hair too much, so he grabbed at it uselessly, begging it to stop, stop, stop. 

“What’s happening?” Roman.

“Is he okay?” Patton.

“Does he look okay?” Virgil.

“Janus, breathe. You’re safe.” Logan.

 Yeah, he knew that. He knew, objectively, that the wind isn’t out to get him and grass doesn’t hurt and sand isn’t supposed to fry your nerves. That didn’t change the fact that it did for him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, it connected that they were seeing him have a meltdown, finally. But he couldn’t focus on that, not when someone was touching his arm why are they touching my arm LET GO! 

He screamed now, he couldn’t hold it back anymore. His breaths were ragged and gaspy, hands ripping at his hair to try and stop the fluttering strands. Then there was a new sound, an engine, a boat, and with it came the deep bass of some terrible music and there were people shouting and his head was hurting, why was it hurting so bad?! New hands grabbed his wrists and he writhed, pulling back from the grip that was pulling his fists away from where they’d been hitting his skull, over and over, trying to just get his stupid brain to work. Come back to the present, ground yourself, do SOMETHING!

And then something was in his hands. 

His eyes peeled open (when had he shut them?) and he saw the dark blue stress ball, almost crushed between his fingers. The hands were gone from his wrist, and he took a deep breath, relaxing his hand and watching the slime filled toy slowly return to its natural shape. It was just like one from his drawer, the first stim toy he’d ever gotten. Familiarity. He kneaded it under his fingers, enjoying the comforting texture, the color soothing to his sensitive eyes. Bit by bit he felt himself relax, still holding the toy inches from his face between stiff hands, letting his legs unfurl. Without thinking, he raised a shaking hand to his chin and did the sign for ‘water’, and immediately regretted it. It was just such a habit around his parents, the only other people who had seen him break down to this extent, how could he be so-

He flinched as a water bottle was pressed into his raised hand, the lid already taken off. The water was so good, settling his senses and grounding him, like he’d been in hyperfocus before and it was dulled now. He gave the stress ball another squeeze, captivated by the way the slime moved, not even flinching as someone snapped in front of him.

Looking up for the first time, his first instinct was to crawl into a hole and die. Logan was sitting in front of him, slowly putting the cap back on his water bottle before handing it back to Patton, who was standing just behind him. Roman and Virgil had begun packing the chairs and bags agonizingly slowly and quietly. Impressive; they were almost done and he hadn’t noticed until now. He turned to his left and his heart completely shattered. Remus was sitting statue still, a few feet away, with a look of pure fear in his eyes. He sat on the edge of his knees, like he wanted to pounce forward and hug him but was holding himself back. He appreciated that. 

Logan snapped again and Janus turned back.

‘Better?’ He signed slowly. 

‘You know sign?’ Janus responded weakly, confused. 

‘Patton too. I go nonverbal as well. Are you okay?’

The younger nodded, returning his hands to the stim toy on his lap. ‘Yours?’

‘Yes.’

“Is he okay?” Remus whispered suddenly, drawing their attention. He looked so scared, like anything could break Janus and he was scared he would cause it. Oh. Did he think he caused this?

‘Not his fault.’

Logan looked between the two, a look of confusion settling in his face. “What?”

‘Not. His. Fault.’ He signed sharply, a frustrated hum emitting from the back of his throat. ‘Not his fault!’

“Remus, he’s saying it’s not your fault. What does that mean?”

“I- I took his hand, and then this happened…” Remus started, leaning back onto his feet ashamedly, “If that wasn’t the cause, what was?” 

‘Sand.’

Logan’s eyes filled with understanding, and he responded, ‘Sand?’ as if to double check that he got the right sign. Janus nodded again, slightly thankful for the mute state he was in. He wouldn’t be able to explain this as well as Logan would. 

“If I’m understanding right, then my first assumptions were correct. Janus, did you just experience a sensory overload?”

Janus could only nod, meeting his eyes shakily. This is the moment. Now is his segway. If Logan wasn’t already suspicious, he surely was now. And he’d rather not have to explain, or come up with some half assed excuse if he was confronted later on why sinking his foot into sand had made him break. 

 ‘I’m autistic.’ He fingerspelled it, not knowing what the sign was, or if there even was one. There was a beat of silence, the twins and Virgil exchanging puzzled looks, and Janus couldn’t even bear to look at the two people who would have understood. All his fears came rushing back. Would they think he was lying, or seeking attention, or or or-

“Oh, sweetie,” Patton crooned, sitting cross legged beside Logan, “We thought maybe… well, the possibility came up in conversation before. Lo was the one who brought it up.”

“Yes. Though our experiences differ, you seemed to exhibit symptoms that are common to the ASD spectrum. I thought it feasible, but did not wish to offend or frighten you by mentioning it.”

“We thought that if you were autistic, it would be yours to tell us,” Patton smiled softly. 

“Wait,” Remus interrupted, “Janus, you have autism?”

Janus’ nervous glance up must have been enough to clue the rest of the group in, because Roman sighed and ducked his head into Virgil’s shoulder while Logan messily signed something which roughly translated to ‘how dense can someone be’. Jan couldn’t tell if it was a joke or not, but he cracked a smile anyways.

“Shit. Dude, I’m so sorry,” Roman murmured into Virgil’s shirt, “All the times I made fun of you for not joining us or anything, that was way out of line. I truly apologize.”

The youngest gave him the worldwide gesture for ‘it’s okay’; not exactly ASL, but it got his point across. Everything was packed up now, and Janus realized the implications.

‘Home?’ He asked Logan, eyebrows scrunched together.

‘Yes. You need to rest.’ He was right, he was exhausted. Getting to his feet along with Patton and Logan, he reached down to grab his towel, only for it to be promptly swooped up by Roman.

“I… I got it. Don’t worry about it. Okay?”

As soon as Roman turned his back, Janus couldn’t help his heavy sigh. This was another reason he had refrained from telling anyone. He didn’t want to be seen as a burden, or worse, a child. He didn’t need help with menial tasks like grabbing a towel. Virgil and him lifted all the belongings again, with less complaining this time, and began the short trek to the truck.

‘He’s not babying you,’ Logan signed, as if reading his mind, ‘He’s just guilty. If you want my advice, get as much out of it as you can.’

“Logan!” Patton chastised, failing miserably at hiding a smirk.                            

“Guys?” Remus’ uncharacteristically timid voice prompted them to turn back, “Could I talk to Janus for a sec?”

“You understand he is unable to speak at the moment, correct?” Logan raised an eyebrow, probably coming off more harsh than he meant to. 

“I know. Just… please?”

The other two shared a knowing look that Janus didn’t understand, before Logan turned to Janus. “Is that okay?”

The youngest nodded, watching over his shoulder as the lovebirds joined hands, leaving him and Remus alone. When he met his eyes again, he was standing much closer, eyes searching nervously.

“Maybe this will actually be easier since you can’t talk,” he laughed, before his face fell dramatically, “Fuck, that’s not what I meant. I’m such an idiot, I didn’t mean-”

Janus held up a hand quickly, as if to say ‘it’s fine, settle down’, holding back a snicker. He’d understand if someone was upset by the comment, but he’d learn to take Remus’ jokes lightly. He never meant to actually offend, sometimes he just… blurted without intending to. He rolled his finger in a ‘keep going’ motion.

“Shit. Okay,” He’d never seen Remus blush, or stumble over his words before. Not like this, at least, “Now, don’t feel obligated to say you feel the same or anything, okay? This is just, my feelings, and mine alone,” A deep breath, “I like you, Snakey. I like you a lot. More than… more than a friend.”

Oh.

Oh.

Janus was ninety percent sure he died right then and there. But Remus kept going, tripping over his words in a way that was so unlike him, and yet so perfect.

“I have for a while. I never said anything because I thought, maybe you disliked me? After today though, I think… well, maybe I was misinterpreting those signals. Like I misinterpreted today. That you didn’t want to be around me, no matter how hard I tried.”

Okay, Janus took it back. He wanted to be able to talk now, but his voice came out as another low hum, and he slapped his hand over his mouth, embarrassed. Remus pressed on, unfazed. 

“Snakey, I swear to you, that you having autism doesn’t change those feelings at all. It’s not a bad thing, or a flaw, it’s just you. And everything about you is amazing, and perfect, and this is just another thing I get to learn about you. Any fears you had around telling us, telling me, you don’t need to have them.”

He’d never felt this kind of feeling before. In that second, he knew for a fact that this wasn’t a crush that he had on Remus. That wasn’t possible, because a crush had never made him want to break his social barriers like this. A crush had never made him want to make an exception, to stand on his tip toes and kiss him, even if the thought of a new touch usually caused goosebumps to rise on his arms. Because he felt so safe, so blissfully numb, so comfortable with Remus, that he’d be willing to give it a try.

This wasn’t a crush. This was-

“I love you,” Remus whispered, his statement accompanied by a large shaky breath.

He couldn’t say it back, not right now. Later, he would. For sure. Maybe a hundred times. So he did what he’d never thought possible and took that step forward, breaking his bubble that he’d always thought to be unbreakable. 

It’s okay. You’re okay. This is okay. 

For once, he actually believed it.

Janus reached a hand up, slowly, and rested it on Remus’ face. It wasn’t light, he couldn’t do half touches. It was solid, warm, real. Not a tickling touch that made him twitch, or a brush by that stole the very breath from his lungs. The positive response affirmed his will power, and he leaned up onto his tip toes. Remus looked absolutely stunned, but he didn’t pull away, he couldn’t if he tried. His breath caught in his throat as the elder glanced down, an unmistakable look to his lips.

Had Remus always had those green flecks in his eyes?

And he kissed him. Janus surged forward, pressing their lips together harsher than he’s intended, pulling a small gasp out of Remus. There was a whoop from the vague direction of where they’d parked, followed by a loud smack, and Janus couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips.

Remus’ hands were clasped at his chest, unmoving, probably afraid that if he touched Janus wrong, this would all be over. He’d have to explain half touches later. For now, he took one of his hands in his free one and guided it around, pushing it into the small of his back until Remus got the message to keep that pressure. He let out a small sigh through his nose, an action that sent a new round of butterflies exploding in the younger’s stomach.

This is okay. 

This is all going to be okay.

[hargrove-mayfields]

Autistic max? I’m all in -🦖

yes!! Max being on the spectrum is one of my favorite headcanons! Here’s a bit of my thoughts and hcs for you anon! <3

okay so first i wanna talk a little about where this hc came from! this idea was born in my head for a multitude of reasons, but the general summary is this:

-she misses a lot of social+emotional cues! she didn’t pick up on just how annoyed Mike was with her in the gym and kept pushing until El intervened, she didn’t detect any of Lucas’ panic or frustration when he was explaining the upside down to her until he touches her, and when el is jealous and just not interested in meeting her, she seems to be completely unfazed by that until she walks away. also every scene she has with Billy, he’s very shut off and she seems to be confused about what she’s expected to say, missing that he’s angry until he’s lashing out, and idk to me it just seems like she doesn’t really have a grasp on understanding others’ emotions!

-similarly, she only seems to react in the face of immediate danger, as if she’s a lot of the time unaware of how bad things truly are around her. like when she’s helping to find dart without even knowing what’s going on, driving a whole muscle car and going down into the tunnels without a hint of fear, seeming barely concerned when the mindflayer was about to drop through the ceiling. it’s almost like she has trouble fully processing the consequences of certain things, which could also explain why she sneaks out even though she probably knows what Neil is like and the fact that it could potentially put her in danger.

-the way she dresses just screams tactile sensitivity! she doesn’t ever wear anything flowy, any scratchy materials, and even at the snowball, where we see Susan fussing over her, she’s still dressed for comfort. what young girl with a mother clearly interested in making her pretty is going to get away with wearing jeans to a school dance if she doesn’t have sensory issues?

-also, whenever she gets upset she seems to shut down. like she almost never talks to Billy after he yells at her unless it’s necessary, when her and Lucas are talking on top of the bus it definitely seems like she’s struggling to voice her feelings or put words to her emotions, when Billy’s in the sauna, after he’s activated she starts turning in on herself, and after his death she’s just sitting in his room. like maybe she doesn’t really understand her own emotions that well either.

I’m not really viewing any of this as like, solid evidence or anything btw, these are just some things I’ve noticed about her as an autistic girl her age and living in a very similar situation that I think are neat and relatable!

onto the stuff I literally made up because I love her!

-Susan gives me autism mommy vibes. Like, making it her identity that she has a child with autism, and at times that can get super frustrating for Max because she hates being her mom’s little trophy daughter, gossiped about at all the potlucks so people feel sorry for her. Her absolute least favorite thing is “She’s such a handful.” and when Susan pulls the I’m so lonely because of taking care of you card to make her feel bad. Especially because she doesn’t feel very taken care of, once she’d hit a certain age her mother decided she’d be alright without all that “kid stuff” and basically tossed her into the world on her on. (hence why she’s Billys responsibility)

-In the 80s (and still now if we’re being entirely honest) it was very normal to just throw a casual r slur into conversation and it kills Max every time her friends say it, especially Mike because she thinks he’s being mean and doesn’t like her. She doesn’t know how to explain to them that that hurts her feelings because she doesn’t even know how to bring it up that she’s autistic. Billy tells her once to try to cheer her up that he could beat them up for her but she cries even harder because that’s what she doesn’t want, is for them to think she’s overreacting. He feels bad and tries to make up for it bringing it up with some of the moms of the group and asking that they tell their kids to stop using that word ever.

-In California she was in special ed classes, but Hawkins Middle deems that not necessary for someone of her “functioning level” (yuck) and she gets landed in coed instead. It might’ve been alright if that was how she started her education, but she was already used to classes of four or five kids like her, and she just cannot learn in that new environment. So she does really, really bad in school her first year in Hawkins. She feels kind of self conscious around her friends because they’re all so smart and her grades make her feel stupid even though it’s not her fault, and that’s why she kinda drifts towards being close with El because she struggles with learning things too.

-Smells are probably her worst overstimulation triggers. Things like cigarette smoke, fresh brewed coffee, her moms perfume, cooking and baking smells, the automatic air freshener thing, candles. Pretty much anything stronger than the smell of water is just overwhelming for her, especially if there’s something else already working her up, because then a whiff of something too strong can put her straight into a meltdown. Billy decides to quit smoking for her (he’ll never admit that, he’s adamant that it was because it was messing with his lung capacity and he’s trying to work out) and he also does things like buy Susan a new, less offensive perfume for her birthday and open windows to get stuffy air out of the house. They never really talk about what that does for her but like, that’s part of how they start getting closer, is when he starts making little accommodations for her like that.

-In addition to smells, there are very specific sounds she can’t stand. It’s not all loud noises, some of them like the rev of Billy’s car or a bass guitar at an outdoor amphitheater are some of her favorites, but the ones she doesn’t like, she really hates. Things like styrofoam, dishes hitting off of each other, something scratching against ice that builds up in the freezer, TV static, the toaster popping up or the oven beeping, and people who can’t chew with their mouths closed (looking at you Billy, keep that gum in your mouth please) all make her feel gross. She’ll try to physically shake off the way those sounds make her feel but sometimes they’re just too much and she shuts down for a while until she gets to hear something else. In that case usually really quiet music or someone talking to her quietly can reel her back in.

-Her interests vary a lot! The longest she’s ever held one special interest was a Miss Piggy phase! Susan liked that she was showing interest in a feminine character because of a lot of her si’s were tomboyish, but Max liked Piggy because she knew karate and punched people who laughed at her or tried to make her feel bad about herself! She has all sorts of Piggy collectibles, like toys, bed sheets, posters, books, mugs and watches! Otherwise her interests and fixations tend to come and go pretty quickly, like one week she could want to know everything there is to know about pro skaters, and the next she’s into the history of circuses! She liked cars for a little while and Billy was really excited to indulge in that and let her get familiar with the camaro, but she shifted to video games pretty soon after and he had to let it drop.

-Another interest that’s also pretty constant for her is nature! Not only for the sensory experience of it, listening to leaves rustle and birds chirp and water rush, but also all the knowledge about it. She can identify any type of flower, grass, tree, critter, or fungus! When she’s melting down and needs to be away from the house, she asks Billy to take her to the state park so she can just sit and be quiet and calm down on a fallen tree or a swing set somewhere. They do have some woods behind their house but she’s too afraid to venture out there and prefers to be out with her brother anyways.

-Stims! She’ll fiddle with zippers and buttons and loose threads constantly to the point that they buy her three or four of the same jackets and shirts for when she inevitably breaks them. She also chews on sleeves and hoodie strings a lot. Other tactile stims she favors are string tricks and braiding and tieing knots! Braiding her and Billy’s hair is something she’ll do anytime she needs to feel grounded, and she has a whole bunch of those little wooden boards that kids use to learn how to tie their shoes to tie knots with. She also always has a pocketful of yarn, and her favorite thing to make with them is a spider web or a star!

-Sort of related to her fascination with string is that her shoelaces never ever match, she has like a whole drawer in her room full of different ones to change them out! (and she has Miss Piggy Bow Biters to put on them!)

-She’s also a very verbal stimmer at times! Giggles for days with Max, if she’s excited, happy, nervous, whatever, she’s giggling. Humming and mimicking too, like if she hears a sound she likes she’ll try to make it, whether it be part of a song or something she hears outside. But if she is sad she’ll get as quiet as a mouse.

Idk these are just like my sort of canon compliant hcs I guess? Like what I feel would be true for her in the timeline and storyline of the show!

[nomans-an-island]

Hey ik it's not canon rep bc it's not explicitly stated but @ autistic people who like to read and wish they could see autism represented more

Read the Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart

It's a children's mystery novel originally written in 2007 and my whole childhood but every protagonist is strictly autistic + otherwise ND coded. You heard me. Every protagonist. Even the adults are blatantly autistic coded.

In fact the protagonists thinking differently (in ways that line up with autistic people perfectly) is a literal plot point.

There is also decent (not amazing as it doesn't have a focus but decent) representation of people of color, disabled people, abuse survivors, and also is an amazing depiction of children and young adults with ptsd.

It has really good found family like god it's SO satisfying. And it's just emotional all the way around.

Oh and because it's a children's book it's written in a way that is very easy to read. (The first chapter drags a little bit though bc it's a lot of exposition but get thru that one and you'll be immersed almost guaranteed) I have adhd and struggle to focus on anything so I rarely read new books but this one has never posed a problem for me. But also it isn't written in a way that's watered down for children so it's still just as impactful for adult and teen audiences.

Anyway as for the basic summary it follows an orphaned child named Reynie who is a prodigy academically but bullied due to his autistic traits who finds a news advertisement about a series of tests for gifted children in his city. He takes it and meets 3 other children and once they pass they are sent on a secret mission inside of a boarding school for the gifted where they fight injustice on both big and small levels.

There's obviously a LOT more than that but it's really REALLY good and one of my main special interests. But it has done more for teaching me autism acceptance than any canon autism rep has ever come close to doing and has made me feel loved for my autistic traits time and time again.

Like 100 stars. Very good. Please if you're at all looking for books to read and vibe with this concept READ IT bc I promise its so fucking good and I recommend it to every ND person who likes to read!

It can be found at most libraries both digitally and physically but if you can't get a copy you can talk to me abt it since I can probs help out somehow

(Also if anyone was planning to purchase from black owned bookstores but wasn't sure what to buy this is a good idea too!)