#like why is he suffering more than jesus rn

[crescendof1]

recently george has had a mechanical failure from pole an abysmal quali a dsq a shit strategy and now he's catching strays from will button of all people can we pls give this poor guy a break

[krytus]

girls when the sad story they're writing gets sad

[allwormdiet]

Extermination 8.5

Skitter is now one for three on interacting with New Wave kids without making them hate her.

Also fun fact I actually hit the image limit while making this post so I had to nix a few of the smaller observations made, there's just that much shit going on

Neat to meet more of New Wave, but boy I wish it was under different circumstances

Also Taylor you were so close to making that descriptor of their anguish work, you shouldn't have acknowledged it

How fucking harrowing must it be to let your daughter go anywhere near the fucking thing that killed your son.

Also I like how even as Skitter realizes that this is not the time or place, she's still indignant at being called "the girl."

What an awful fucking day for all of them. What can even be done, what can even be said?

Just a wet fucking cat of a girl, being carried through the air.

Oh hey Coil, bet your asshole is clenching really fucking hard rn

I wish there was a way for Coil to drown down there without killing Dinah too, but alas

Also absolutely insane that this has all been in the span of, what, an hour? Maybe a little more? What the fuck

And here's Parian proving that she's actually a huge badass

"Why manipulate cloth" honestly my first assumption is that it's bc her power is cloth control

Really fucking funny that people apparently keep thinking that superpowers are magic, though

We hardly knew ye.

I did learn that this is a retcon; Browbeat survived in the initial version of the story, although he quit the Wards in the wake of this attack and never comes up again. The retcon was in... 2019? Reasoning is speculative but I guess people kept making stupid jokes about Browbeat and he got tired of it?

Hey you know what though, really good showing overall, better than a bunch of other capes today

Okay so did this attack go through Leviathan? What the fuck is going on with this Flechette girl, that is utterly fucking cracked. Armsmaster's fucking nanothorns couldn't hack that, what is she doing where her shots do this kinda damage.

Leviathan likes playing with its fucking food, which is weird as hell

This dramatic fucker

God that's so cool, just opening up a fucking chasm in the middle of the battlefield.

...I wonder if it was trying to get into the bunker like Coil was afraid of. I know enough about Noelle to know that could've gone really fucking poorly.

Laserdream is cool, does she get much love in the fandom or is she too peripheral a character for that?

This is kinda funny ngl

That's a lot of fucking dead people, Jesus H

Taylor you are genuinely being too cool about this, your arm is still broken

He can do anything he wants down there, it's terrifying

Very funny that Armsmaster's brand-spanking-new halberd is being put to better use in this fight by people who aren't him and for purposes he didn't intend

Haha, wuh oh!

First indicator that Coil's got some pretty remarkable commercial ties considering he managed to sneak his own fucking Endbringer shelter in for private use and nobody noticed.

Also, god that's gotta be fucking terrifying

...I think like 99% of things that have come up in this arc are fucking terrifying if we're being real for a second but I'm gonna keep saying it

Seeing someone who treats you like dirt and have a happy life outside of treating you like dirt is a certain kind of agony. Also fuck Gladly on principle tbh.

Ah fuck

She could have so easily given into spite and let them all suffer and die. She was under no obligation beyond her own drive to be good, to be better, to be better than Gladly. And that's why she's among the best of these fucking people.

And so the bug girl, both creepy AND wet, goes in there and saves everyone left standing by shoving the Halberd up Levi's nonexistent asshole and baiting him back out the shelter

She's a bigger hero than so many of the others

This might be one of the most intensely and personally terrifying moments of all. Paralysis and drowning hand in hand. A slow and insidious kind of horror.

Rachel Lindt MVP

Well hey, cool of Rachel to be concerned though

They should be giving Bitch the key to the fucking city for this, honestly

This poor girl sacrificed the closest thing she has to family to buy even a fraction of extra time for this asscrack of a city

And then there's this fucking asshole

Imagine if God thought you, personally and specifically, fucking sucked. What a weird feeling that must be.

Skipping past the downturn in the fighting and the teleportation bc we have to get to the conclusion of the chapter

Taylor did more to save this whole city than any of these people can even imagine, and they manhandle her into a cot and cuff her broken-ass arm because y'can't be too careful with villains, can you

This is going to go so poorly

Current Thoughts

Taylor did more, in the moment-to-moment breakdown of tracking, fighting, and responding to Leviathan, than like 90% of the other capes in this whole fucking deal, and nobody will ever know the full extent of it. She might have honestly saved more lives than Armsmaster, because he was too busy fucking grandstanding in the moments leading up to his, ahaha, disarmament.

Skitter is a hero, idgaf what anyone says. She earned better than what she's about to be fucking put through, that's for sure.

[ghostdrinkssoup]

*jazz hands* hey dudes I’m back with more hannibal notes/reactions (s1 ep11) except it’s just the silly goofy ones 🥹

omg is chilton back ??

“poke around a psychopath’s mind, bound to get poked back” haha hi there s2

ocean imagery, ice turning into water, drowning 😳 (twotl is that you ??)

well at least gideon knows how to hold himself accountable 🤷‍♀️

chilton is such a gaslighter omg

“worked for me” killing as a substitute for divorce almost worked for hannibal too 😩 *mizumono flashbacks*

see will would lowkey be the most op serial killer ever. he absorbs all their techniques and shit, he’s like the avatar except instead of past lives it’s all the killers he’s analysed LMAO

^^ will really could’ve picked any career field. like I know his empathy is a ✨metaphor✨ but also if he can presumably get into anyone’s head and relive their experiences then damn he could really do whatever he wants but no, his dream career was this bullshit </333

alternate reality where will gives up being a criminal profiler and becomes a gothic poet like if u agree

“I just feel like somebody else” - hannibal is just sitting there listening to will unravel like 😊

“I feel crazy” “it is what you fear most” omg he really is just like me fr 😩

“will, you have me as your gauge” - I love how this is hannibal feigning security (and being a manipulative piece of shit) but also hannibal being like 🥺 I want you to rely on me. I am your paddle <3 I hate him he’s the worst therapist and boyfriend to ever exist

^^ also the idea that they’re the same 😳

^^ also FORESHADOWING

HELLO AGAIN WATER IMAGERY

YOO I DIDN’T THINK THE TONGUE/CHURCH MURDER WOULD COME BACK I SAID I KINDA WANTED TO SEE IT IN EP7 LMAOOO *flashback music*

be careful what you wish for kids

oh freddie we’re really in it now

“gave you something better to do with your tongue than wag it” THAT WAS SO OUT OF POCKET LMAO

not the dating imagery again </333 why do all the killers in this show want to date hannibal,, my fave romcom fr,,

gideon is like *tears up* freddie don’t fuck with me rn

chesapeake ripper mimicking kills and throwing himself into the fray? that’s very copycat killer of him… it’s almost like they’re the same- *gunshot*

severed arm, observatory, boom gottem

hannibal was like 🙄 yeah I got your invite, I saw on my ipad. I don’t want to fucking date you *calls the cops*

hannibal is such a snitch damn

the beginning of chilton’s looney tunes suffering arc (it only gets worse from here)

FREDDIE JUST STANDING THERE 😭 this would be so horrible to witness jesus

“I feel like fluid, like I’m spilling” WATER IMAGERY

don’t let go jack *my heart will go on plays distantly in the background*

^^ this appearing in the same episode as all that ice imagery? this really is titanic omg

“it’s hard to shake off something that’s already under your skin” this line BANGS

doesn’t will like,, run off in this scene?

THE STAGGGG OH SHIT

it’s gonna take him to hannibal’s house omfg

GIDEON IS GONNA FOLLOW WILL

NVM

why is will following the stag to hannibal lowkey romantic LMAOOO he’s gotta follow his heart and mental illness <3

“I was expecting the chesapeake ripper… not his boyfriend”

WILL IN THE CAR he’s not gonna walk to hannibal’s BSDBBSBD

NOT GIDEON CALLING WILL ILL GET ROASTED ??? TAKE THE L ???

gideon delivering will to hannibal all sheepish like “man sorry to do this I know it’s a bit awkward but I found your man out in the wild and thought I should probably take him home” 😭

HANNIBAL’S FACE LMAOOO he really said 😟

hannibal said no more girlboss only gaslight

GIDEON’S FACE HE’S LIKE WTF

hannibal deserved everything he got in s2 he was so fucked for this

the saddest thing about this is hannibal is the only person will trusts enough to be vulnerable and open with,,, the only one he feels safe enough to breakdown in front of. he’s a safe presence in his mind *screams in agony*

“he’s had a mild seizure” “that doesn’t seem to bother you” “… I said it was mild” NDNDHHD FUCK WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY

^^ whenever hannibal’s hypocrisy is pointed out to him he’s always so confused like “??? god guys it’s not like I HATE will I care about him ?? I’m his paddle ?? I’ll set his brain on fire and gaslight him to the point of mental collapse but it’s not like the seizure was that bad 🙄 he’s literally fine”

WHY ARE BOTH WILL AND HANNIBAL FUCKING ALANA OVER THIS EPISODE 😭😭😭

hannibal rlly said I want her GONE (it was very rude of her to kiss will 💔 god he’s petty)

hannibal being sweet to will now is so sick and twisted,, not the little smile,, I hate him

“I’m worried about alana” SHUT UP

alana :((( I’m sorry queen

BEDELIA ??? hello there <3 *thinking lesbian thoughts*

hannibal fr is like a child, he’s throwing around his favourite stuffed toy thinking it’ll be fine if the arm breaks, or an eye falls off. he’s too rough with no real regard for the consequences 😩

oh hannibal *head in my HANDS*

[alligaytorswamp]

me shaking your hand like i do not understand that ship either idk why alth is so rude to kaveh like??????!!!!!!!1 i was enjoying kaveh on his own and then everytime he brings up alth im just noo you deserve better and it feels so forced

us rn:

legit like they aren't even friends.. bc alth can't even provide the bare minimum is being generally tolerant towards kaveh. and he goes out of his way to hurt kaveh? even publicly? i hate him so much fr and i am so happy kaveh has actual good friends (traveler, paimon, cyno and tighnari.. also collei as everyone's lil sister <3)

but his interaction with them only prove how bad alth treats him? deadass like why would anyone want kaveh suffer even more than he already does by coupling him with that loser jesus christ

also ye it feels very forced because hoyoverse thinks making 1 joke 38495789345 times is extremely funny even if the joke in question is just 2 people not getting along and being forced to interact constantly

[hotdadlicense]

open blorbo season, answer for whoever 🩷💚💙💜💐🌸

loren i love you <3 okay im gonna do maybe daryl and eddie also gonna do jesse pinkman cos i'm currently rewatching breaking bad

🩷 why are they your favorite?

daryls my fav becos i dont even know. he's bitchy he's hotheaded he's a comedian without even trying he tries so fucking hard he's emotional as shit???? i just love him okay i can't even explain it's just how i exist as a person these days

eddie? he's soooooooooooooooooo. so fun. like he's got fucking emotions and he's like well obviously we bury those but then they explode out and he's like well. maybe i can be the most therapised bitch in the bar. he's literally comedy king and he's sooooo good. his heart!!!!! the love he has for his son and for his family and his team!!!!!!!

jesse!!!!!! jesse is literally like. heart of fucking GOLD okay he cares SO MUCH!!!!!!! like it doesn't matter how much walt's fucked him over, the way jesse was so fucking genuinely happy when walt told him he was in remission!!!!!! the way when jesses thinks he loses the drugs and knows that walt will literally kill him, he doesn't lie, doesn't try to hide it, doesn't even pretend for even a second that it's anyone elses fault, he literally calls mr white straight away and is like i fucked up!!!!! i lost it!!!!! it's on me!!!!!!!!! and god. the way literally everyones just like. fucking abandons him and tells him to get his fucking life together but the second he reaches out and asks for help they're like. no. but he never fucking stops trying!!!!!!! this rewatch it ruining me i havn't even reached s3 yet

💚 what are your favorite added rep headcanons for them?

bi daryl obviously. i was gonna be like tragic past but thats not even a headcanon.

eddie = gay. like what he had with shannon was real and he was big in love with her but also. gay.

jesse????? i don't even know. i'm too emotional to even think about that rn. bisexual is always fun though

💙 what's a popular headcanon for them that you adore?

feel like i have headcanons for all these peoiple but now that you're putting me on the spot im like. well my mind is Empty.

💜 'put that guy into situations' or 'take that guy out of situations'?

daryl and eddie = put that guy into situaltions.

jesse = take him out of situations for the love of god he's suffered enough

💐 what are your favorite poly ship(s) for them, if any?

daryl: there is like no fic for it but i do enjoy the idea of rick/daryl/michonne especially in 6.10 where rick and michonne are on the couch and michonnes like. where's daryl. i just think it wouldve been fun if that night went a little differently, although i adore rick/michonne as is ksfhks also ofcourse daryl/jesus/aaron. hell yeah.

eddie: i mean. now that tommy's on the scene....... eddie/buck/tommy lets Go also i've read a eddie/buck/taylor and i was like omg i love it here?

jesse: part of me wants to say jesse/skinny pete/badger but apart of me's like. do i? feel like they're more platonic for me than romantic but like. if someone linked me i would 100% read it.

🌸 what are your favorite mono ship(s) for them, if any?

daryl: daryl x rick, daryl x beth, daryl x connie, daryl x jesus, daryl x aaron, daryl x billy

eddie: eddie x buck

jesse: jesse x andrea

[companionwolf]

Vortex of Play Pre Canon Game 0 Recap

Home Team: Dallas Catboys (the PCs)

Away Team: Sagittarius Infusion

Catboys players--

Sydney Tuesday - shortstop; neutral; Charm

Mavis Retrograde - outfield (center); excellent; Cardboard Collector

Hart Melfax - second blase, neutral; Steeled

Normal Hen - pitcher; less than ideal; Power Chaaarge

Cobalt Territory - outfield (right); far less than ideal; Firey

Weather: Black Hole

Ballpark Traits: SUMmer Sun, Solar Panels

First Inning

• Hen immediately begins destroying

• MULTI BALL PITCH #1

• ALMOST IMMEDIATELY MULTI BALL #2

• The top of the 1st is done because Hen decrees it so via her inability to pitch anything less than perfect

• The commissioner...isn't sure they're doing the NPC actions right but let's keep going

• Sydney no (they fucking got tagged out base running so hard they added +10 to everyone else's TN rolls -_-)

• MAVIS NO (he did the same as Sydney -_-)

• the commissioner is still not sure he's doing this right, now featuring the player actions

• wow they are hitting these balls. good job. now get to the bases please

• I SAID THE BASES--

• End of bottom of the 1st

Second Inning

• Oh no Hen's luck ra--

• Wait nvm she's good

• Fuck the away team

• Top of 2nd done as quick as 1st

• Jesus Christ she's a machine

• Bottom of the 2nd was not very interesting

Third Inning

• the commissioner changes how they're handling the npc actions again.. a second time? they are confused

• HEN CONTINUES TO MURDER

• this is not how fast these innings havles should go I think. but who am I to argue the laser like ability of Hen

• okay Sydney let's just

• HOME RUN?

• Mavis gets hit by a ball ):

• Catboys try to load the bases

• Sydney hits another fucking homer????

• Mavis stumbles badly on a base run. He is Suffering

• BaseThristing go

• The Black Hole Says Fuck You And Your Score * resets to 0 *

Fourth Inning

• Hen goes to field a ball and .

• Um. What is that <- Hen as she runs into a shadow of herself

• It's Fine. You're Fine. Ignore the Weird.

• "Ok" - Hen, moments before evisceratating the other team with more perfect pitches + a 3rd Multi ball

• Hart Defies the Laws of Base, fuck all your runners

• The commissioner changes how they handle actions again; someone please fire him

• Cobalt keeps getting 100+ TN and it makes me scream because ze is also the one with the shittiest vibes rn

• Catboys have successfully loaded the bases

• "fuck this" - Cobalt, hitting a grand slam

• either the catboys have good stats, the rng is nice, or I'm a idiot

• Well see which is true <- he's adjusting the actions AGAIN everyone throw your peanuts

Fifth Inning

• Hen continues to say fuck you my inning half now (how many perfect pitches can she do...)

• Sydney go get that ball (they succeed)

• HEN?

• ^ she got another multi ball (out #1)

• As the game as gone on things have gotten weirder which. Is in line with the planned canon so like. Chewing the emergent narrative of the game play here

• Aw she got in the face with the ball ):

• Hart Seeks Revenge (runner OUT)

• ANOTHER BALL TO THE FACE D:

• Hart: The 2nd Revenge (batter out)

• Why are these Inning halves so SHORT

• ^ because Hen desires it I FUCKING GUESS

• Bottom of the 5th begins with Sydney

• They get to 2nd base good job

• Mavis... gets hit by pitch ): stop dissociating sir

• Hart continues to take revenge but this time via home run? Jesus christ

• Hart, apparently: if you hit my teammates with a ball I will end you (:

• Hen channels the pain of Ball into .. another home run.

• can you guys chill

• Cobalt by hit pitch, Sydney safe to next base

• MAVIS ): <- he stumbled badly

• HART

• SAYS

• FUCK

• YOU

• (Via grand slam)

• Black hole....also says fuck you, score reset by 10

• the teams pause to investigate the scoreboard system (brief narrative interlude imagining between me + players, NOT A TTRPG DEVELOPMENT ACTIVITY GO AWAY)

• after a little poking at equipment the game resumes (no one mentions the sky but Hen silently considers that alongside Everything Else Weird that's happened in this game)

• Sydney and Mavis: idk what that shit was, here's 2 more home runs

• Commissioner in bg: what the ACTUAL fuck

• Hen is embracing gotta go fast mentality

• Cobalt?????? (He hit another homer for them)

• Can you guys save these for actual league games. You'll need them then. Holy shit.

• Sydney: no <3 (+1 home run)

• Mavis gets hit with a TN over 100. He is SUFFERING someone please help him

• Catboys shuffle! (Taking the bases)

• this pitch is TOO POWERFUL!

• um

• the world is melting

• that's probably fine

• SYDNEY WINS THE UNSTOPPABLE DUEL

• We end with a pop out from Hart, which is a bit anti climatic but whatever let's go Catboys

Sixth Inning

• Hen IMMEDIATELY multi balls

• Followed by Hart defying the laws of Base again

• This game is using all the rng luck is2g

• Mavis stops dissociating long enough to score the last out needed for the end of the top of the 6th via fielding action (he run. he jump.)

• But seriously Jesus christ guys CALM DOWN

• What's very funny to me is due to the black hole resets everyones vibes are really shit at this point so by now they are all running on pure spite

• Commissioner continues to squint at the scoreboard

• Sydney opens the bottom of the 6th with a home run. GodDAMN it Catboys CHILL

• Mavis gets hit by another ball and then Hart, Hen, and Cobalt all hit home runs

• [Cut to the commissioner bouncing off the walls and frothing at the mouth]

• They just keep scoring

• Someone stop them

• Cobalt wins a Unstoppable Duel

Seventh Inning

• Hen pitches another perfect ball

• Hart says YOINK my ball

• Top of the 7th done

• Can you guys relax

• Catboys trying to load the bases

• ANOTHER FUCKING HOME RUN

• [A shriek is heard across the ballpark]

• ANOTHER ONE

• fuck you guys

• * black hole reset *

• Mavis goes very fast

• Mavis gets a grand slam

• Which is p much immediately negated by the black hole again. Sorry Mavis

• I like to think this demoralized the team so bad they kind of threw the rest of the half

• Anyway this half lasted 36 actions

• And I started chewing glass at Action 30

Eighth Inning

• Top of the Inning and Hen is having a hard time (I think she's tired :<)

• Hart however is Not having a hard time

• Wait nvm I think Hen's recov--

• MA'AM? <- she just pitched 6 perfect pitches in a row

• Mavis closes the top of the 8th with a perfect fielding action, good job Mavis

• Bottom of the 8th and we start w-- Syndey nooooooo (they got strikeout)

• Hart takes 2nd, Mavis tries to take a bass but gets tagged out so forcefully it demoralized everyone else

• Hart continues to be fast as all fuck (takes 3rd)

• COBALT NO (popout)

• Wow that Inning was short

Final inning

• Okay Catboys. Top of the final. Let's fucking Go.

• Hen immediately sics Sydney on the runner and Syndey gets em (out)

• Hen after that: let me just *continues throwing perfect pitches*

• To the point she destroys the other 2 batters

• Hen commands this fucking ballpark

• Bottom of the final......

• Syndey and Mavis immediately: home run

• Me screaming in background: WHAT

• Hart's Sonic impression continues

• Hen is having a difficult ti-

• Nvm she scored a home run

• SHE SCORED A SECOND ONE?

• Back hole my beloathed (score reset)

• Syndey hits another home run right after tho

• Aaaaand the game is done

• Holy fuck that took more than 5+ hours cumulatively

Final Score

Catboys (H) 31 - Infusion (A) 0

• ^ that doesn't seem right at all but I don't know enough about Blaseball to argue about it

• Also pretty sure the away team isn't supposed to have scored 0 runs the whole game but that's a me error I think

• And this was a mostly mechanics test so it doesn't matter that much in the end

• Anyway group agrees this was very fun but definitely a bit clunky mechanics wise

[jiminrings]

what happened to mc after that?? JUNGKOOK I WILL WHOOP YO FUCKING ASS

cold senior!y/n x stem major!koo masterlist :D

the aftermath of stem koo breaking senior!y/n's heart

"do you need anything from us?"

yoongi asks you for the fifth time in the twenty minutes you've been home, heart breaking from the inside out when you haven't moved a single inch

he is begging that the thing you need from him and jin is to go beat j*ngkook up

HE CAN'T EVEN SAY HIS NAME WITHOUT BEING ANGRY AT HIM!!!!!!!

anything. anything to atleast make you sleep in peace tonight.

or them honestly,, either way

your body's facing the backrest of the couch and maybe that's for the better, because that way, seokjin won't feel the need to cry looking at the coldest person he's known to be openly vulnerable

you're still wearing your jersey!!! your stained dirty jersey that you've been in for the past three hours and the reason that it's still wet was that you've been using it to wipe your tears all the way to the dorm

"no. i'll be alright."

you mumble for the fifth time out of the five times you've been asked, and yoongi just has to grapple at his fist because he knows that being frustrated wouldn't help

you are the fURTHEST thing from okay

to be honest, it was only a miracle that you told the two of them what happened in the first place

it was in between sobs that you asked them why they were friends with you and they couldn't be anymore dumbfounded

it was in between violent tears that you mentioned hyeji that seokjin looked for a box of tissues because you've been intentionally rubbing your eyes raw

it was in between heaving that you said that no one wants to go the extra mile for me that yoongi started holding your cheeks and trying to get you to breathe with him in his panic too

it was in between hiccups that you uttered that no one wants to walk me home and that's when both of yoongi's and seokjin's throats started tightening, the dots hazy yet aligning nonetheless

it was in silence when you told that jungkook said that no one likes me, and that's when out of the three of you in the room – you're the one who's the calmest.

"okay. i'll bring you a blanket."

yoongi leaves it at that, standing from his spot on the floor to walk over to the kitchen where the blankets cLEARLY aren't there

no one really prepared yoongs for this

no one really is

there isn't a manual on how to act when the dearest friend that you have is crying their guts out for the first time

he can't explain his close bond with you and he's always seen you as his platonic girlfriend!!! his platonic girlfriend who has a bond with him that's closer than a sister's, more understanding than a mother's, and the utter admiration more than a friend's

you r literally yoongi's (platonic) soulmate and he would die on that hill

he would rather subject himself to torture via having to stay in a freshman's dorm equipped with the de facto led strip lights everyday!!! every single day, than to see you like this :(((

"what do you have on the bitch?" yoongi doesn't spare his words when he sits on the kitchen stool next to jin's figure

the dude is sTANDING and that means business

jin doesn't feel a single ounce of regret fetching his work laptop and scrolling through the files and tabs he has on every single student on campus, eyes only looking for one lee hyeji that's contributed to your anguish rn

jungkook is atleast 3/4 in this equation and seokjin will get to him of course

no one makes his emotional support best friend cry and nOT pay the consequences for it!!!!

in another life, vincenzo cassano's character is based on seokjin and the events in his life that definitely happened >:(

"she's daddy's money. can't fucking believe that sHE'S representing the school," he sighs in genuine annoyance, but not loud enough to pique your attention as he turns the screen so yoongi could clearly see her headshots, "must be a diversity hire. every university needs a fucking bimbo, apparently."

you see,,, yoongi would've SNORTED at that but now is not the time!!! he is still planning discreet retribution to avenge you!!!!

jin lets yoongi look at hyeji's entire file, wanting to get even the smallest bits even if the information he's taking in is against his will

he'll immediately delete whatever he learns about her right after it's served its purpose

"just messaged the faculty groupchat," seokjin himself didn't imagine the words coming out from his lips determinedly, but he knows that he's willing to do anything for the sake of this, "been crushing on jeon ever since the start of last semester. philosophy professor thinks it's because he once saw jungkook lending her a pen when they were in the topic of soulmates."

jesus christ

now THAT'S just annoying ://

this

whatever this is

seokjin and yoongi don't know what they're digging all this information for

they don't know what this unspoken plan is for, or if they even have a plan in the first place

if jin were to tell the faculty gc about this???

absolute mayhem

but he knows for a fact that they'd hate star student jungkook easily within a tap of a finger

the philosophy prof would lose all sense of rationality and reasoning and INSTANTLY point to jungkook as an asshole!!! no questions asked!!!! no elaborations!!!!

"i could get jeon eliminated from all the academic listings he's in."

jin pipes in at the silence that he and yoongi share, both listless in this situation that they never expected to encounter with you

"i could always spread a rumor and make him unlikeable."

yoongi toys with the rings that he wears, a heavy exhale tearing away from him

they could think of a thousand other ways to get back at jungkook!!! they literally can

seokjin knows a contract guy who leaves shredded paper with his contract's initials written on red ink (for a base fee of three dollars, he can switch up the ink for you!!!) right next to their side on the bed

yoongi knows a guy whose modus operandi is to discreetly follow people, have subliminals playing in the background (for an extra fee of ten dollars, he'll use wireless bass-boosted speakers), and continue doing so until the desired message is achieved!!!!

none of the people they have connections to could employ the same amount of pain he's caused on you

there's literally nothing that could hit home with jungkook besides you.

but there's no way to do that and even in your state of anger and sadness tHEN utter vulnerability, you can't even really think of hurting jungkook in the way he did

because you know and yoongi knows and seokjin knows and everyone knows that you aren't the type to wish ill

you admit that sometimes you're unavailable but you don't want that to be an asshole-reason to make everyone else around you suffer in the same way you do

the people around you aren't your shock absorbers!!!! that's why you hang out a teddy bear on your doorknob when you're mad so that neither yoongi or jin would have the possibility to be caught in your rage

that's why you call for a break when your soccer team is out of their game and make everyone drink their electrolytes before they speak to you!!!!

that's why you have the old heart of your even older build-a-bear stuffie in your pocket, one of the only reminders that your childhood even happened, one that you'd squeeze between your fingers in any remotely anxious instances that you find yourself in

jungkook's words hit home and it put you into a spiral if you even had one in the first place

your parents divorced when you were young and it's just that,,, no one from the two of them wanted you because you were the reminder of the other parent

you're a place marker for when a commitment started and ended and god did it make you grow up quickly

your aunt raised you!!!! she's an angel and she's the maternal figure in your life that you'd always be grateful for

you love her all the same and as much as you didn't wanna relate yourself to your parents in the same way that they don't, the feelings of being unliked hit you ever so often

lol it's quite a dashing mindset you have but you can't see any other interpretation you should employ

you leave before they could leave you.

it's not really as dramatic as it sounds

BUT IT COULD BE

there's always obligatory groupchats for projects and you're the first one to leave it instead of awkwardly waiting out for the conversation to dwindle and then leave one by one

when you and yoongi argue, you leave before he attempts to get the last word in

when jin is about to ask if you want to split the bill, you're already putting more than half of your share on the table

it's a nagging feeling of not wanting be unwanted in every situation you're in, but you aren't all that sure of wHAT you'd do to be liked

the only thing you could think of are lunchboxes, and even that gets taken away from you.

does no one really like you??

you're shifting in your position before you know it and the lone sound makes jin and yoongs come to your side immediately, looking at you in concern

you're looking up and you could just fEEL your eyes are puffy and even the light's hurting them

"i need to sleep."

"o-oh! m'kay, sure. i'll carry you to bed, let's go," seokjin wastes no time in responding, about to hook his arms underneath you when you repeat yourself again

you only chuckle but it's the driest and most painful they've ever heard, wincing when they can hear how breathless it was

"no. i mean i need to sleep."

jin blinks once

yoongi blinks twice

OH

right

they get it now

you don't want to sleep, and you really can't, but you need it

"i'll get it!!" jin volunteers to grab what you need, leaving yoongi with you

oh god you could fEEL that he's going to cry

what a big baby ://

seokjin comes bearing the joint :D

he's about to light it for you because he knows that three specific short hits would lull you to slumber then knock you out cold for like a day lmao

he minored in chemistry actually but he cAN'T explain shit on why that's your body's reaction

you're all-good for literally anything besides three short hits lmao

yoongi was about to scold jin because he lights it and tHEN he's the one who takes the first drag, but there's an assuring wave of his hand

how romantic

jin just blew you a heart

<3

they can't get anything from you besides the slight crinkling from your eyes but they don't mind at all — your eyes are atleast one degree less sad

you take your turn and even pass it to yoongi but he rEFUSES,,,,, not the least bit dejected that he decided not to because he wants to watch over you instead and not see every inanimate object with cartoon eyes on them while watching over you

"bake her a cookie if in case she suddenly gets hungry in the middle of her sleep. sneak a carrot in it or something," jin reminds yoongi and he's sERIOUS about the recipe, holding you in tow as he makes the way to your room

yoongi's about to break out the bowls, freezing in his steps when he hears the doorbell frantically ring

oh god

the ONE time that they didn't plug the door with a wet towel and now it's probably the hall manager outside about to do an inspection

that is not..... the hall monitor

that is a fucking asshole

jungkook's been pacing on his heels, his knocking loud enough to wake up the entire hallway at this point

he's SWEATING and he's not even wearing his hoodie

the door finally opens and the words start tumbling out of his mouth

"good evening. i-i wanna explain myself and-..."

that is not,,,,, you

it's his senior that he's disrespected probably too many times

yoongi leans to the door, a sickeningly sweet smile on his face that the junior's never seen before

"you ever had a sandwich before, jungkook?"

"w-what?"

the younger boy stammers, his eyes following yoongi's actions of looking behind him out of worry and then going outside to join him by closing the door softly without noise

yoongi only snorts, not even sure if he's up for conversation

"hyeji's never packed you a sandwich before?"

jungkook pales at the mention, mouth drying when he sees yoongi bring up the soft smile that doesn't comfort him at all

"the one that's all knuckle?"

[robust-cicada]

Fade Out Again (Thom Yorke X Reader)

For @shehangsbrightly

prompt: honestly i would be allll over the bends era thom, and i think something angsty is what i’m feeling rn. do your magic 😌

Gender Neutral and SFW

CW: angst, burnout, arguments, swearing, guilt, break up, bad mental health.

“I really don’t know what you want from me! I thought you’d be happy to see me after, I don’t know? Nearly a year? But no, I’m the bad guy as always!”

“You think that you’re the only one this tour has taken a toll on? I haven’t been in the comfort of my own home in a year. I haven’t seen my friends or family in a YEAR! You can’t always expect to be my top priority!”

“Obviously. You know, every tour you do the more of a self-centered asshole you become. Just because your band is ‘making it big’ doesn’t mean you have to treat the people in your life like shit, Thom! It isn’t just me. Ed literally has told me numerous stories from when you got too drunk to even perform! You promised.”

“Oh enough of that promise bullshit Y/N! I’m sick of it!”

“Well, that shows how much you fucking cared about it, huh? Shows what a promise means to you? You’re pathetic. The amount of love and support I have poured into you since fucking college and one hit song throws every promise and hope for our future away.”

“Oh fuck off.”

I let out a dry laugh and walked to our bedroom. I grabbed a suitcase and packed as much as I could shove into it.

“What are you doing now?”

“Fucking off. I’m done, Thom. Absolutely done.”

“Yeah sure. You won’t last more than two days Y/N, and you know it. We’ve been through this before.”

I stormed towards him, his back colliding with the wall. I looked into his eyes, trying to look for any sign of remorse in his cold, blue orbs.

“Not this time Thom. I’m tired of crawling back to you with hopes that things will be how they used to again. I am tired of endlessly longing for you to return the love I give to you. You’ve changed and if this is you now? I want no part of it.”

He scoffed and looked away from me.

“Anything to say? Or are you too good for that, Mr. Big Rockstar?”

“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

I scoffed and grabbed my stuff. I stormed out onto the snowy streets. It was freezing but I didn’t dare look back. It felt like I had been walking for hours before I found a phone booth. I put the change in the slot and dialed the only number I could remember through my rage.

“Hey, Eddie? It’s Y/N..”

“What happened this time?”

“Well, what usually happens when he gets home I suppose. Are you busy?”

“Need somewhere to stay?”

“Ye-ah.” My voice cracked as tears swelled my eyes.

“Where are you, I’ll be there as soon as I can?”

---

It had been nearly two months since we broke up and not a word was spoken between us. Ed had generously let me rent out the spare room in his house until I got my shit together, which did not seem to be happening. All I could seem to do was cry, work, and sleep. Eddie was wonderful and tried to help when he could, but he tended to keep his distance. At some point, I knew Thom would end up stumbling into the house, however, I did not expect to hear his voice breaking downstairs as he talked to Ed.

Thom’s POV

“Ed, it’s driving me mad! Do you know where they are, have you heard from them, anything?”

“If they wanted you to know where they were, they would’ve contacted you. I can’t really help you, man.”

“I just. I can’t do this anymore. I need them, so badly. You don’t fucking understand.” I crumbled to the ground in tears. “It’s my fault. Every time they leave it’s my fault and- and I just expect them to come back. What happened to me, Eddie? What... happened?”

“Thom. You’re the only person who’s gonna be able to fix this and you know it. I’m not helping you anymore. We’ve been through this too many times. I’m not a fucking couples counselor!” He grabbed his hair in frustration.

“You… You too? You’re supposed to be my best friend, and you’re giving up on me too?”

“You know what, Thom? That’s your problem. You can’t take any fucking responsibility for anything, can you? It’s always somebody else’s fault with you!”

I couldn’t even form a response. My thoughts spiraled rapidly as I tried to figure out where everything went to shit.

“I-I’m so-rry. I don’t know what to do, a-and I don’t mean to throw it all on you, Eddie, you… You’re just always so good with this stuff and you know them so well and- and- and..”

“Thom,” He held his head in his hand, “take a breath. There’s no need for all the blubbering.”

“But-”

“Just shut up for a minute okay? I’ll be right back.”

He marched up the stairs and disappeared. A few minutes later he came back down. Followed by Y/N.

Y/N’s POV

His face was tear-stained and puffy. He was in a pile on the floor looking as hopeless as an abandoned puppy.

“Y/N..”

I felt my jaw clench as I looked at him. I wanted to slap him and yell at him for everything he put me through, but my body betrayed me. Instead, I found myself kneeling in front of him, arm reaching out to cup his face in my hand. Tears streamed down his cheeks once again as he rested in my palm. He turned to kiss my fingertips.

“I’m sorry Y/N… I took you for granted. I thought you would always come back, and this time you didn’t, and my ego left with you. I need you, I need you so badly love. I can’t do this without you. Please I will do anything to have you back… Please.” He was barely speaking and as he whispered he looked me in the eyes for the first time in years.

“I... I can’t, Thom.”

His posture snapped to attention and I watched his heart shatter again.

“Why not..?”

“You hurt me.”

Tears of my own now mimicked his.

“Please.”

“Thom, stop.”

“I can’t. I can’t because I love you, and if you ever loved me then you would come back.”

“Don’t you fucking dare with that bullshit Thomas.”

I stood and walked away, but he followed.

“Love doesn’t go away Y/N, you told me that yourself. If you loved me you wouldn’t walk away like this. You’re really willing to throw everything away like that?”

“Stop. Thom, I- I can’t do this, just go.”

“I’m not leaving without you.”

“And I’m not leaving with you.”

He approached me and gently grabbed my hands, giving me the same damn look he did every time he wanted to get his way.

“No, Thom. Stop. Please.”

“One more chance, that’s all I ask. If I fuck it up again I promise you will never hear from me again. I’ll take you on the next tour, I’ll let you get a puppy like you’ve always wanted. Literally, anything you want is yours. You don’t ever have to work again. Just, please?”

“You still don’t get it. I don’t want material things or money. I don’t, well I do want a puppy,” We chuckled, “But that’s not why I left. All I want is your love, some of your time and attention. I want to feel safe with you. I want to feel at home. I don’t feel like that with you anymore. The only feelings that run through me when I look at you are sadness and insecurity. You make me feel like a child being scolded by their mother. I just can’t live like that again.”

“I promise that I will fix what needs to be fixed and will do anything I can to make you feel safe again, just trust me.”

“We both know promises aren’t your thing.”

“I’ll keep this one.”

“I can’t believe that, Thom.”

“I’ll let Ed take over the band if I break this promise and I will never perform with Radiohead again.”

“Oh, shove off you lunatic! I’m not worth that. Your fans would have my head.”

“I’m serious.”

“You make everything so hard on me.”

“Jesus, Y/N would you please just say yes? All you have done the past two months aside from work is cry and sleep. I can barely get you to eat. Just get it over with. If he fucks you over again I will personally skin him alive, just, get it over with you two!”

Thom looked at me hopefully. I sighed.

“Fine.”

“THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!”

He planted kisses all over my face and pulled me into a tight hug.

“Jesus, Thom, you smell! When was your last shower?”

“I... I have no clue,” He scratched his neck and looked at the ground.

“I mean, you are rank! You smell like a secondary boys locker room after P.E.”

“Okay, in my defense, I didn’t think you were going to be here.”

“Yeah, so it’s okay that I suffer in your stench then?”

“Well, we’ve shared a tour bus, I figure that you’re used to it by now.”

“Well, by that logic, if Y/N is coming on tour with us, they better get used to it too, because you’ve smelled worse after a show.”

“Lovely.”

He laughed and engulfed me in a hug again. I gave in and dug my face into his neck, letting him rock us side to side.

“Let’s get you home then, yeah?”

“If anyone needs to get home it’s you so you can shower!”

“We can shower together if you’d like.”

“Okay, yeah, if you could leave the dirty talk for the car ride home it would be appreciated.”

We laughed once again.

“I’ll go pack,” I placed a soft kiss on his cheek before walking up the stairs.

“I love you, Y/N!”

“I love you too Thom.”

[hypnosexual-queer]

Might delete this later, i don't even know or care rn.

I'm open about my depression--i try to remember and tell anyone that wants to play that I have it, and that it affects me on a daily basis. I try to reblog as much mental health stuff as possible just in case someone needs it, because I know how much I need it sometimes. It varies from day to day how bad it is, I'm on medication for it, and have a therapist (I need to fire him, he's not done anything except repeat the same platitudes every visit with nothing new to say or do. He's useless -_-) and I live with incredibly understanding people. My irl primaries are also understanding, but my family is. Not so much. One aunt thinks the worst of me, which given my brothers' lives and addictions is kind of reasonable, but also incredibly infuriating, because along with the depression comes Anxiety, and a Stupidly Low social threshold that makes it difficult for me to want to leave the house when I don't have multiple pressing issues to deal with (I tend to 'save up' my Outside The House tasks until I can do them all in one go).

I'm also currently 3 days shy of my 1 year anniversary of my divorce being finalized.

The last few weeks have been. Hard.

I spent nearly a decade with him, we shared the same birthday (12 years apart exactly, which is kind of hilarious to me because he's the first person I ever met that has the same birthday), spent nearly every moment together and, in between the abusive cycles, I enjoyed it. I loved him, or at least I thought I did, just as I thought he loved me.

So imagine my surprise when I find out I've been replaced in his life in less than 3 months. Imagine the hurt of hearing, 1 month and 2 days after receiving the papers from the courts declaring me a free woman, that he has a new girlfriend, and is looking to move into a new place with her.

I know, in my head, that I left him, that I wanted nothing more to do with him, much less know his new relationship status.

But in my heart, I still had feelings left for him to step on.

Because the way he was immediately able to move on, after ever so calmly declaring to my father that I needed to be institutionalized when I first left the home we'd built and spent 7 years in, just made it clear that I was replaceable. I was something for him to use up and throw away when he was done or I had killed myself to escape him, that I probably meant nothing more to him than a, a class pet he got to keep for the weekend before handing back to the teacher, or an escort that’d finished the date and could be sent back to wherever I came from.

It hurt then, and it still hurts now, a year and change later, that I meant nothing to him.

And unfortunately those stupid Feels have been rearing up their ugly head again, to the point of skyrocketing anxiety and depression and a social threshold so low I broke down crying after 2 errands, neither of which required my leaving the car or talking to anyone but my housemates.

I still have 3 days between me and the anniversary. I have another job in the wings, all I need to do is sign some papers and I'll be officially hired. I live with some of my best friends, and it feels like some weird neverending slumber party because this feels more like home than almost another place I've been. I have a wonderful boyfriend and they friend, some amazing online play partners and people to talk with, I have the freedom to do whatever I want.

And I still want to cry. I still want to hurt as bad outside as I do on the inside, I want to scream and rage and break shit and ask him why he did what he did to me, if he ever actually had feelings for me, if he knew how close I was to smothering under him and and and ad infinitum.

I'm never going to get those answers though. I'll have to live with those feelings and questions and somehow finish healing from everything I've suffered, on top of dealing with my lifelong depression, and jesus fuck, I don't know how I'm going to do it.

[fanficsfromyesteryear]

LOVE CAUSES STOMACH PAIN (SO DOES CHEAP BEER)

A STRANGER THINGS ONE SHOT

— PAIRING: Billy Hargrove x Reader — WORD COUNT: 1,196 holy crap — WARNINGS: Cursing, alcohol consumption — REQUESTED BY: @lenas-wild-imagination

Hi idk if your taking requests rn but could you write something with Billy x reader where they are best friends and they are falling for each other but are to scared to admit it. But in the end they finally get together? Angst with a little bit of fluff. I was really inspired by the song “feel 2 much” ~ blackbear

— A/N: Ok, so I had never heard of this song before, but hopefully I gave the ✨vibe✨ justice!! Anyway, this was super fun to write. Thanks for the request! I hope you like it :)

It’s hard enough falling for your best friend, but when your best friend is one of the most popular and attractive guys in school—the one that all the girls fawn over every time he so much as breathes in their direction—it’s like your own personal hell. You hadn’t meant to fall in love with Billy Hargrove, but that was the funny thing about love—you didn’t always have a choice.

Parties were the worst. The two of you often showed up together, but more times than not, he’d hook up with some stupid girl and you’d have to find another ride home. The next day, you’d ask him how it went and pretend to be interested when really, all you wanted to do was find out where she and him stood and whether or not he actually liked her or if he’d just been drunk off his ass. Was this a shitty thing for a best friend to do? Yes, but that hadn’t stopped you so far.

Lately, you’d noticed that Billy was acting weird, specifically toward you. He was being quieter than usual, and God knows that boy rarely closed his mouth. Sometimes, he went so far as to completely avoid you altogether. You felt as though he was hiding something, but what it was, you had no idea, and you knew better than to try and force it out of him—he was stubborn at the best of times. Needless to say, there was a sort of tension slowly building a wall between the two of you now, and you couldn’t shake the nagging fear that that tension was going to get in the way of you having a good time at the party tonight.

Your suspicions were only confirmed when you and Billy spent the entire car ride in silence. As soon as you got in and saw that scowl on his face, you knew it’d be useless to try and make conversation—he would’ve just ignored you or turned the music up so loud it drowned you out. Instead, you sat with your arms crossed and stared out the window, your body angled away from Billy. The hopeful side of you thought, Well, at least he remembered to pick me up, but at this rate, you would’ve rather walked.

When Billy pulled the keys out of the ignition, you practically jumped out of the car. As you hurried into the house, you thought you heard Billy mutter something under his breath as he followed you up the sidewalk, but whatever it was, it was lost beneath the sound of the booming speakers and chatter coming from inside.

Like always, the two of you went to your separate corners. Just as you knew it would, the thought of your suffering friendship with Billy weighed down on you, and you found yourself drinking more than you usually did. Maybe it was because of all the worrying you were doing, or maybe it was due to all the cheap beer in your system—probably a combination of both—but after a while, something had you feeling sick to your stomach. You threw the rest of your drink into the trash can and set off to find Billy.

It came as no surprise when you spotted him in a dark corner making out with a girl you didn’t recognize. “Billy,” you called, “can you take me home? I don’t feel good.”

Billy made no move to acknowledge you standing there, so you reached out and gave his arm a little tug. “I’m getting really tired of you ignoring me,” you complained. 

As Billy turned to look at you, the anger on his face was unmissable, but when he saw your eyes brimming with tears, his expression softened to mere annoyance. “Can’t you get a ride from somebody else?” he demanded.

You shook your head in response. It was getting late, and all of your other friends had already gone home.

Billy rolled his eyes. “Jesus, Y/N,” he said, stepping away from the girl he’d been kissing before you’d shamelessly interrupted. He fished his car keys out of the pocket of his leather jacket and roughly snatched up your wrist, leading you away and out of the house.

You stumbled after Billy, struggling to keep up with him as the two of you crossed the lawn littered with plastic cups and various articles of clothing that had been abandoned and forgotten by their owners.

As Billy’s car came into sight, he released you from his grasp. “You wanna know why I’ve been ignoring you?” he growled, walking around to open the driver’s side door.

“Yeah, actually, I do.” The words tumbled out of your mouth before you had a chance to even think about stopping them. In reality, you firmly believed in the existence of ‘blissful ignorance’ and that it was best applied to times such as this, when your best friend was quite possibly moments away from telling you that he no longer wanted to be your best friend.

Billy waited for you to be seated beside him in the car before he said anything else. “I don’t wanna feel anything.”

You squinted at him. “Billy, what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I’m not an emotional guy, alright?” Billy kept his eyes trained directly in front of him, refusing to meet your gaze.

You thought about pointing out that anger was, in fact, an emotion—one that he displayed frequently—but you decided to let it slide. Billy looked like he was going through something, and you didn’t want to interrupt.

“I like girls like that,” Billy said, motioning back to the house in reference to who he’d been with when you found him, “because they’re fun, but they don’t mean a thing. I could make out with them all day and still feel nothing. It’s just easier that way.” He stopped, and you could tell that he was trying to choose his words carefully. “I don’t know what it is, Y/N, but when I look at you, there’s something there, and it scares the shit out of me. I thought if I avoided you, it’d go away.”

You studied him for a moment. “Did it?”

As Billy had given his little speech, you’d watched as his initial rage diminished to what was now nothing more than vague irritation which manifested itself as a childish pout which you saw when he finally turned to face you. “No,” he mumbled in defeat.

Although Billy would never admit it, being away from you was worse than when the two of you were together. Even though you were out of sight, you still lingered in his mind. He would find himself lying awake at night, wrestling with his thoughts and feelings—something he never did before you came along, and now that he knew what it was like, he wasn’t exactly looking to make a habit of it.

“Good,” you said.

Billy looked at you, startled. “What?”

“You heard me,” you said. You leaned closer, as if to kiss Billy, but you stopped short, your lips just barely brushing against his. You smiled playfully. “Now take me home before I throw up in your car.”

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 3 notes popping off

due to my desire to not completely fail all my classes this year i made myself slow down significantly while listening to this season, and the fact that the other person i'm listening along with had to catch up. We've managed to convert several other people to start listening and its pretty great.

ep 81: what does it even mean to be chosen by one of them? And if he was chosen by the eye. we know Gertrude wasnt? Because she cut the eyes out of the magazines?

ep 82: elias lmao. I understand why people like him so much bahshdhdk i thought he was gonna snitch on Jon but he didnt so he's fine. Ok but how do we think he knew all that stuff. Idk probably just institute connections. I love the fact that the recorder just wants to record stuff randomly bjahsjdhd. Elias feels a lot like Michael in the sense that he knows more than he should and talks in a way that implies he just wants to wait and see how things play out for his own benefit. I understand him knowing the things that happened but his description of her emotions implies something paranormal. Maybe he's connected to one of the entities. Which one I cannot guess.

ep 83: did a file get delivered randomly to the place he's staying at? Probably elias lmao. He thinks the mannequin is related to the stranger. Idk I would believe it.

ep 84: worms? I know he says earth worms but idk. Again? Is she making gordon golems out of trash? Martin popping off. You can tell the statements get to him more that they get to Jon. How come martin is so mad about it? I want to assume he just doesnt want her to get stuck there but idk. Jude Perry. The calliope organ. Jon heard a circus in one of the last episodes

ep 89: he's talking to perry? Like jude Perry? He says ... God? Is that what it is? Lmao. The Desolation. Jon is tired of ppl being vague and not telling him stuff lmao. Oh God Jon is so confused. Compel her? Is she assuming he has some kind of power? Does he have powers? Hmm. im agreeing with jon here please jesus christ why does everyone have to be so cryptic. Just say what you mean. "maybe you get an itchy eye" bahasjkdfklsjdf girl what. Agnes saved her? Oh this is the girl from the cafe story? So theres the Cult of the Lightless Flame? They worship whatever entity this is? The Desolation? Why do they all seem like they sorta worship her then? Is Gretchen gonna die oh god. fuckin michael. a different michael aaah. i see. dont do it shes gonna burn you. sir. please. sir dont you dare do- WHAT DID I SAY what did you think was gonna happen hhh.

ep 90: try to make it less obvious you're trying to get fired big T. Elias that doesnt sound like the most healthy thing to do. oh dear is this gonna be triggering for me. uuuuuh. uuuuuuuuuh. doesnt seem like it ok gonna keep listening. Jared. hmmmmm. Ok we've seen Keay and hotner or whatever his name was.

ep 91: Michael Crew. Oh is this the lightning scar guy. Mister jon sir did you just die. No? God everyone is so fuckin cryptic. Say normal things please. They all just like to go on about pain and agony and j e s u s c h r i s t we get it you got hurted by whatever thing. So theyre avatars? question mark? Jude Perry is an avatar of The Desolation? hhhh fractals. thats a spiral thing innit. Yup. messing with your perceptions. God they all talk about feeding their god and feeding that which feeds them and. hh what does that meann. Leave big J. please. uh oh. is it daisy? how come he has the web lighter still? the tape recorder just turns on sometimes you know how it is. So he can compel people? not that he knows it obviously but. a bit wack. powers go brr i guess? If the eye just wants knowledge i guess he feeds it by getting the statements? b/c i doubt it wants him to murder ppl or whatever.

ep 92: elias you all knowing fuck what do you know. (i guess all given what i just said) Lukas. Heard of them before. Mordecai Lukas. Loneliness. The lonely even. Jonah Magnus. Elias ur sounding like a bit of a dickhead rn. lmao jon's just like "i dont care" elias what is ur deal. Why does he want to tie her in. ohh i see. lmao theyre all just like "elias why" The Unknowing lol seems very much like something the eye wouldnt like. lol elias is gettin all philosophical. what does it really mean to be human. this still doesnt answer why gertrude wanted to destroy the archives tho.

ep 93: bahsjdfh he seems so dead inside rip. awww admiral. i love him already. ghh breacon and hope. purple mold. doesnt sound like anything we've seen so far. I think the funniest explanation for breacon and hope is that they dont actually serve the stranger they just kinda happen to be a random neutral party that cart around random spooky entity related stuff. ooooh. when we hear the slight static of the tape recorder it's cuz he's compelling ppl.

ep 94: the end! listen man they were all just grayed up for 4/13.

ep 95: the end also? death but also savagery/ animalistic shit. aww martin. lmao becerra. she's just been chillin in the corner.

ep 96: return to sender. haha minecraft go brr. prediction: breacon and hope? yup there we go. jon why is there an echo. are you in a stairwell? is he gonna eat it- yup. how did i call it. unsure abt what theyre talking about but ok. they kidnapped someone? Sarah Baldwin. ooooh that guy.

ok im just putting this here so i have notes for when nicholas gets to this part. It seems like (from jon's conversation with jude perry) that the desolation and the eye are kinda at odds with eachother? like i guess not directly but it seems like they dont really vibe? so how could be with both. Cuz if he has the heat powers and shit then we know he's an avatar of the desolation. but then why does he have so much eye imagery. also he got burned intentionally? like jude did when she went on her monologue about the feeling of burning? but then why did he wear the eye pendant. it stops him from being burned all the way which seems like he's not fully accepting the fire or whatever.

Nooooo I lost like a bunch of my notes rip. I keep forgetting to save.

Ep 104: tim gives a coherent statement without jon even being there. Ugh. Fucking robert smirk. Dont like him. Joey. Dont recognize the name. The show must go on. Clown. The spooky circus?

ep 105: total war... shogun 2? jon is just understanding languages again. "if i understood mandarin or cantonese" are you sure you dont big man?

ep 106: havent we heard this one already? mans in space? oh no this is just another episode in space. fairchild... uuuh. cant remember. oh! this is related to that! this is one of the ppl from the other side. sounds like a Vast thing. oh he's the one that the dude saw? but that guy didnt have a face... she's sorta like jon. wanting to dismiss the statements. lmao i love the workplace gossip. ace jon for the win! oh cmon elias dont be a dick. sunny meadows or whatever. thats the place we heard about.

ep 107: oh great is it jude perry again. Third Degree. bahahsdkfj she was arrested. sorry but imagining this old british lady getting arrested is funny. she was trying to resurrect him. using the skin book. he's not feeling well. jon take a nap. i wonder if this is what happens when he uses his powers too much. He gets into The Zone when he reads statements lol. didn't we have a burning train car in anothre statement? is it julia fairchild? bahahahs "kidnapped. Again." poor jon honestly. julia... about her dad. daughter of the murder shed guy? hunting like your dad liked to hunt or normal people hunting. oh hunting vampires!

ep 108: melanie has been suffering. poor martin peter lukas why do you have to be like this. can he not just use the front door? does he have to bother the ppl doing statements?

ep 109: how come he cut her off? kinda rude tbh. its either jon's influence or there was smth he didnt want her saying. is it gerard on the table? this sounds kinda like smth from one of the university episodes. is it the closed eye on the hand? yup. he's like one of the students! if the thing listening in is elias then... he can do that without the tape recorder yknow. plus who's to say it wont just turn itself on again

110: who wants to bet its a leitner?

111: Lukas related to The Lonely. I used to not like Gerard that much but i like him more now. but i thought there were 15? ohhh thats right isnt flesh newer? gerry for the win honestly. finally telling jon things.

112: lol "again" no one ever tells any of these ppl anything. tim and basira are just out of the loop constantly. music, like the war episodes. The hunt or the slaughter? probably the hunt. so Daisy is related to the hunt right? basira likes the reading, she's doing fine at the institute. daisy's getting worried...

113: it just turned on randomly. what is it lol. explossives! oh boy. why do they always assume he turned it on intentionally. melanie youre not making me like you that much. which entity is this about i cant tell. lol he was disappointed it was just the end. The title Breathing Room made me think it was gonna be about the buried but i guess not. So many of these entities deal with death but the end is one that deals in just death. it has no need for fancy deaths, just death is enough

114: more hilltop road statements? the tree. oh boy. ok the tree has 8 arms obviously theres the spider parallels. was she taken into an alternate universe? oh no. jon tries to phrase things so he's not asking questions. thats honestly good. "sometimes i was kidnapped" oh dear. they got gertrude. daisy ur so odd lmao. who wants to bet they dont know the tape recorder's running?

115: silaca? or whatever? antique man? meat grinder... related to the meat is meat episode? oh wow. they buy antiques from him. maybe dont antagonize this creature which can kill you?

116: lol theyre all just so done with elias. music? is it like the one band that if you hear them you die or wtvr. oh its chess? i am very much confused. mmm stranger go brr. gorilla skin? oh shit the dance. woah. this is so good. this is so gender. the words are wonderful. "you can just say tim" lmao trying to fool elias never feels like a good idea.

117: except elias lmaoo. oh shit. leitner getting some use for once idk. bruuh poor melanie she has been thru so much shit. martin you can just say youre worried about jon. lol he's so accurate in his jon impression. lol who was that. was that daisy? lmaoo. oop hi tim. oh god i hope tim doesnt die. i feel like i wouldve heard about that? but im not sure. destroying the source of knowledge is gonna be hard for jon. yay jon! you did a good thing. let him rest.

118: go off martin lmao. awww poor martin. oh god the tape gets that squealy quality and its awful.

119: woah. lots of things happening. uhh. POP OFF TIM!!

120: lmao elias giving a statement about jon's dreams lol. damn jon doesnt even get his own dreams? has to stay Watching even when he's asleep? f in the chat this man goes thru so much shit. oh boy its peter. lol martin my beloved. idk i dont trust peter.

[aviv-kasyanenko]

NEW YEAR’S EVE 2020 [1 of 3?]:

You’re going to think I enjoyed writing this, but please know that I didn’t.

Date: December 31st, 2020. About 11:30pm. Warnings: Idk, mob stuff. I don’t want to spoil it but if this is too much for you then why are you even here reading Russian shit rn lbr.

Well, he had to hand it to them: they could sure carry on a party in the face of just about anything.

Though Vorya had been plunged into darkness—not unlike the rest of the city, if stories recounted by drunken tongues were to be believed—the Russians had point-blank refused to allow their New Year’s Eve celebrations to be interrupted. The alcohol continued to flow as freely as one would expect from them, and even those who weren’t affiliated with the Vorshevsky family in some way had decided to stick around and ride out whatever was going on. It seemed unlikely there would be a better time to be found anywhere else.

Naturally, his immediate reaction to the blackout had been to blame the weather.

When hushed whispers started to circulate a rumour there’d been an explosion on the other side of the river, however, his mind wandered into uncomfortable territory only another glass of vodka could put to ease. The anxieties he’d been trying to avoid since he’d landed in the shit hole he now called home were only compounded by the text from their boss; evidence in itself that the man wasn’t worried about whatever this was.

Bombs were hardly the style of the French, and the Rutherfords had no reason to make such an ugly scar on the face of a city they were still battling desperately to keep under their control.

So if there had been an explosion the three main culprits weren’t responsible for, it really only left two options:

Either Arkady gave even fewer fucks about London than he’d initially thought, and would jump on just about any tragedy that he thought could be of benefit, or a not so unfamiliar enemy was rearing its ugly fucking head on a country it’d already spent years tormenting, and the old man already knew it was coming.

Aviv’s relationship with the HCA was well understood to be a complicated one. Whilst he couldn’t begrudge the Russian mob doing business with them—money was fucking money, and at the end of the day, that was all that mattered—that didn’t mean he hadn’t made his aversion to their goals abundantly clear. Those who affiliated with the Vorshevskys varied in their opinions; some of the Russians sympathised with the group’s goals, where others thought they were fucking insane. For those who’d originated from the former USSR countries the terrorist organization once again sought to control, however, it was a little more personal.

The Ukrainians, in particular, had been dealt a shitty hand by those cunts. Maybe the Kurylenkos had been in Launceston so long it didn’t matter to them.

Aviv didn’t much feel like looking past it, though.

Though he’d been sat at the bar in relative silence, enjoying a moment’s calm from what he was sure would be a party that carried on until the sun was all the light they needed to get home, it was interrupted just as he was about to request another refill.

“Aviv, can you help me with something?”

The Israeli had turned to the Kurylenko loyalist with a glare that said: No.                                

Even in the dimly lit room, it didn’t take long for him to realise that the expression he wore carried more anxiety than any of the inner turmoil he’d been fighting. All it took was a second for his gut to sink. The expectation had loomed heavy over all of their heads after the shit show that had been last year’s celebration, but now, as he looked back at a man visibly sweating, he was sure that their night was finally set to unravel. Something was very wrong.

Deciding the spare the others any concern until he was absolutely sure it was necessary, the fighter got to his feet and followed the green-as-grass security kid out to the back room.

The scene he was met with was not what he’d been expecting.

A second Kurylenko loyalist was stood in front of them, shining a torch downward to illuminate a pristinely wrapped Christmas gift; gold ribbon holding it together like it was the most innocent thing in the fucking world.

Were they joking?

“Bit fucking late for Chanukah, boys,” he mocked.

The man with the torch said nothing.

It was then Aviv noticed that his hands were red.

“We didn’t open it, but—”

Words seemed to fail Artyom, the man who had come to find him at the bar, at that point, and instead he gestured toward the box as if to say ‘take a look.’ It was rare that Aviv ever found himself feeling apprehensive, but as he realised the same red on the hands of the man opposite had since pooled around the bottom of the gift, it was impossible to ignore.

It looked like blood.

Hesitant to touch, he reached out just enough to tilt the label into view.

It read simply: ‘Joyeux Noël.’

“Who delivered this?” Aviv snapped, looking to each of them in turn. “Where’d you find it?”

“Some guy in a suit left it on the doorstep.”

“French?”

“I don’t know, he sounded American. I—”

With each word, Aviv could feel the blood in his veins begin to boil.

“What did he look like?”

“Uh, I don’t know. It was dark, he—” Artyom stuttered.

“Average height. Beard,” the other began in an attempt to save his friend from getting his head slammed into the fucking wall, “expensive looking suit.”

Didn’t narrow it down in the fucking slightest, but who else but a French piece of shit would’ve left such an obvious ‘fuck you’ right at the height of their party?

After a moment’s hesitation he usually wouldn’t have allowed himself, he finally untied the ribbon and removed the lid of the box. The smell hit so fucking fast he was surprised that the container had managed to hold it until now. Unmistakeable every time, pungent and assaulting, the kind that could make anyone sick to their stomach: it smelled like death.

As he looked down into the depths of the box, the view of whatever it was holding was obscured by plastic wrap; bloodied, and obviously not fit for fucking purpose given the swamp it was now sat in. Aviv never had a weak stomach for these things. His time working with the Vorshevskys had desensitised him to the most violent depths of a man’s imagination and the havoc it wrought. It wasn’t the idea of what he was going to find that bothered him, but more so who. The French had taken a lot of hits lately and he’d been glad for every single minute of their suffering. But it seemed unlikely that however they chose to finally get back at their biggest enemies would be anything short of personal.

It’d started with Svetlana, and would end with this.

Peeling back the barrier, the first thing he noted was the hair; beautiful blonde, eerily reminiscent of his dead girlfriend, albeit matted with so much blood it was hard to discern.

A fucking head.

Now that was absolutely a French fucking MO.

“Jesus fucking Christ…” Artyom muttered.

“Watch your mouth,” Aviv countered quietly, though unwilling to look up from the hair in his hand.

He almost didn’t want to touch her. But they needed to know.

“Who is it?”

As he eventually pushed back the hair to reveal the face of the victim, he realised that even the worst case scenarios his brain had been cycling through hadn’t been close. All at once, the striking pain of loss returned with unimaginable force and it felt like his chest was being fucking crushed. All the air in his lungs left him. Even if he’d wanted to answer their pig-ignorant question, he wasn’t sure he could’ve found the words to curse them to fucking hell.

Did they not know the place in which they stood?

Aviv wouldn’t pretend to not understand why their enemies had done this, but for what possible reason could they have chosen her beyond pettiness?

“Go and get Maksim,” he finally said. The sound of his own voice seemed foreign to him. “Andrei, too.”

If anyone was going to break it to the family, it should’ve been them.

Maksim could soften the blow for the Kurylenkos, and Andrei was almost certainly better suited than him to tell Mikhail that another one of his sister’s was dead.

“Aviv…who?”

The man didn’t even have it in him to be angry at the persistence.

Aviv had already lived through the pain of losing family once.

Not nearly as much as they had, though…

As he finally tore his eyes away from the decapitated head of Katarina Vorshevsky, he had only three words left to give:

“That’s my sister.”

[sequencefairy]

Over at the @skepticbeliever-bookclub​, we spend a lot of time talking about fic and reccing it to each other. As an extension of that, we thought it might be fun for whoever could to share recs with everyone else too! This fandom has some preternaturally talented writers, and we are all blessed to be able to read their words. 

I’m specifically going to focus on some faves of mine that are ‘hidden gems’ - ie: fics that I think are underrated and deserve significantly more attention than they currently get. 

Keep an eye out on the bookclub blog for other people’s rec posts and share your own as well! 

And now, without further ado, recs under the cut. Standard warnings of check tags and ratings before you read apply! If you happen to give any of these a read, please leave them some love in the comments! <3

📖 collapse in threads by sky_somedays “Shane Madej, did you just use a basketball reference to tell me you want to be my superhero sidekick?”

Shane’s expression is long-suffering. “Jesus Christ. You got me. That’s the insidiousness of your influence."

📖 love and deep dish pizza by punk_rock_yuppie Ryan wants Shane to dress up as a pizza delivery guy. Don’t ask why, not even Ryan knows.

Or, alternatively titled, 'Hot Buff Young Man Wants a Slice of Lanky Pizza Delivery Boy.'

📖 this boy is a bottom by blacktofade It happens just after they file the incorporation papers for Watcher Entertainment, which makes it the second most irrational decision of Shane’s life.

📖 lookin’ for high, divine connection by loveontherocks "hello I see you’re 102 feet away and I have a proposition for you. I’m currently eating macaroni and cheese and I want something to drink but all I have in my apartment rn is orange soda left over from a Halloween party and I do not want to drink that. SO….if you go to 7/11 and get me a double gulp horchata and bring it to my apartment I’ll blow you"

or; shane goes to 7/11 and gets a blow job out of it.

📖 i got my swim trunks, and my flippie-floppies by elasticellla All the way back in January, Shane decided he wanted to spend his birthday on the high seas. Which, admittedly, Ryan thought he meant getting high in a canoe not actually sailing out into the ocean.

📖 ‘cause nothing can measure by angelsaves Every so often, Ryan just needs something to shut up his brain, okay? He just doesn't always make the best choices about it. Shane disapproves, and has a better idea.

📖 you’ll never know what hit you by callunavulgari "C’mon, ghost,” Shane urges. “Make all my dreams come true. Fuck me up, fam.”

All around them, the world is still.

Shane cracks an eye open and squints at him. “Did it work?”

📖 it’s no good unless it grows by allredpen “I mean, you’re the one who told Sean we’d be taking a nap together.”

God, his heart was hammering in his chest, and he ached to roll over, away from Shane’s scrutiny, away from that physical presence looming tall over his own bed.

Shane laughed softly, but he had inched forward, his knees bent and resting on the edge of the mattress.

“Did I?” He asked, leaning forward to place his palms on the mattress. “I guess I did. Would you believe me if I told you it was the pie madness talking?”

In which Shane leads a horse to water, but Ryan makes it drink.

📖 for you i’ll be poetic by miraclesofpaul AU. Ryan starts getting gifts from a secret admirer. Too bad he has a huge, hopeless crush on his coworker Shane, and there’s no way in hell that Shane likes him back.

📖 a rush at the beginning (i get caught up) by emptyswimmingpools They still act like best friends, but sometimes Ryan will hold his hand underneath the desk at work, sometimes Shane will gently press a kiss against Ryan’s cheek at the end of the day, sometimes the air around them changes and their eyes meet in a way that’s so stripped, so knowing and open, it’ll leave Shane’s knees weak and his head heavy.

They talk about ghosts. They talk about popcorn. They talk about anything and everything, but they don’t talk about - this. Them. The possibility - no, the certainty - that their relationship is shifting, transitioning.

📖 the kitchen sessions by makemadej How to make a business baby, starring the usual suspects.

📖 secrets i have held in my heart are harder to hide than i thought by drunkkenobi This was not how any of this was supposed to go. Shane was so sure that his intentions had been clear, if fueled by alcohol. But Ryan kept apologizing, like it was all one big regret. Like Shane regretted it.

He didn’t. He was confused, scared, and hungover, but regretful? Never. Not even now, with everything Shane had worked so hard for in danger of slipping through his fingers. Last night had been one of the best, most exhilarating, most profound nights of his life. He would never take it back. Not ever.

📖 yank by siegeofangels In which the bodycam harnesses get put to good use

[restingdomface]

MDZS lightsaber colours for my crossover AU

Lan Wangji: pure white handle and clear crystal for a blindingly bright fire stick. Light holder indeed. We. Do. Not. Ask. Where. The. Handle. Has. Been.

Lan Xichen: They shade a twin crystal in this AU so his is the same blade, but his handle is baby blue with pretty silver inlay. The last time he actually used the thing for anything other that sparing (before the clone wars starts cause he got sent to Coruscant to help protect the kiddos, so that thing did get used on a few clankers) was for cutting down a tree that was gonna fall over and into Jingyi’s window when lightning hit it in the middle of the night. The fact that he didn’t grow up in the Jedi temple makes all the Jedi masters wonder why he has the twin to LWJ’s saber...

Wei Wuxian: Black handle, red blade. He got a wild side eye from the Jedi masters from that back when him and LWJ were in the temple, and he still thinks it had something to do with why they refused to knight him, but he knew they never would anyways, so he shrugged and moved onto his own path anyways. The crystal is shockingly well maintained for something that’s over a thousand years old. Through most of the clone wars he’s actually not on the front lines. He’s tending to the zombie clones and creating new weapons at their encampment. He uses LSZ to heat metals instead of a furnace cause fire magic is more useful than a stupidly hot tent that he’s probably just gonna blow up anyways. He misses his hubby and plays really bad trap music through the camp loudspeakers that both annoys Dooku and also blows up clankers if they get too close. He tried to rehabilitate him and Ventress once. It worked for Ventress but Dooku tried to get in his head and WWX got annoyed and punched him before leaving him to General Kenobi to deal with. He won’t stop arguing with Qui-Gon’s force ghost about how to cook soup (can you hear Kenobi crying in the background cauee both their cooking is poison and everyones shitting to death instead of dying in the war lol) and helps Obi-Wan see him earlier than in canon.

Lan Jingyi: baby blue blade, shares a twin crystal with A-Yuan. They found it on a camping trip with WWX when they were like five. Handle is white with a baby blue band around the top. His main weapon tho, is just crying at the enemy until they get uncomfortable. One time Hondo Okana kidnapped him and he wouldn’t stop pestering him so he actually tried to sell him back to WWX who was all ‘no thanks, youre his father now, take responsibility’ and now Hondo is actually on their side cause he’s finally met someone more annoying than him.

Lan Sizhui: same as Jingyi, but his handle is white and red, since he was nostalgic when he chose it and he misses uncle Ning, but A-Die says he’s still mentally connected to WN and they’re on their way from Earth but Earth has shitty intergalactic travel rn so it takes like 150 years to get to them. WN’s probably gonna do that nearly-crying thing that zombies do when they get emotional when he sees the saber. Except, he doesn’t use it very much since he found that flame thrower... when the clones first saw him with the flame thrower they nearly shit themselves. Someone gave him a jet pack and now they’re trying to steal him from the weird cultivator clan. I mean. Wens are sorta fireproof imo so it’s okay.

Jin Ling: gold on gold babey, but with a red band around the top. But he doesn’t really use it much cause JiuJiu gave him a bowcaster and so he’s. Like. Scary. Armed child. Did you know he’s like 153 in this AU???? But he looks like a 15 year old???? When the clones saw him with a bowcaster they nearly had heart attacks wtf. Plz child youll shoot your eye out.

Ouyang Zizhen: Red and blue!!! The handle is red lol. The clones are thankful some of these babies have normal weapons but that sentiment is short lived after they watched him yeet his weapon (unlit too) at the enemy and then cry for twenty minutes. One of the medics has adopted him and is teaching him how to do field work so they don’t have to Deal With That Again.

Jiang Cheng: Listen. He showed up after WWX and the kids got kidnapped. And he’s got. An electric whip. And just fucking whipped through pure durasteel to get them out of their cages. And then stopped to throw a bitch fit that WWX actually brought the kids to this (‘They’re over 150 years old JC!’ ‘Do they look like adults to you? How many times a week does one of them ask you for a bedtime story?’ ‘...listen I didn’t LET them come here, they’re stowaways, no one’s letting them stay they’re just. There.’) and the clones that got kidnapped with them are all ‘omfg do we have to listen to their family bullshit...’ and it’s beautiful. Hot uncle with a whip and one of these clones is all ‘I would climb that but he’s shorter than me’

Lan Qiren: He IS a weapon and his effect is to make children behave. They sent him to the main Jedi temple to teach their kids some manners. The kids love him to death till they encounter punishment in the form of doing handstands while copying the Jedi code over and over. Those lucky little shits don’t even have to suffer through using a traditional calligraphy brush to copy 5000 Lan sect rules why they complaining omfg. They gonna get strong.

Jiang Yanli: poison soup. She’s really good at fucking up cargo shipments to send the sith contaminated ingredients and making them too sick to do anything. Also her saber is pink and purple. The blade is pink, the handle is purple.

Jin Zixuan: goooooooold but the blade is actually green. He also has a bowcaster but it’s an antique and he doesn’t really use it in battle.

Meng Yao: they’ve all unanimously agreed that he isn’t allowed weapons anymore. He just whines really loud for DaGe and a giant man comes out of the shadows to either scare you into running away or beat your ass. It took them like four lifetimes to get back to being their dumb gay married selves, but now they’re clingy as WangXian and MY just has to pout to get what he wants. It’s really horrible. TBH no one knows what they’re doing during the clone wars, they just show up sometimes and help out/cause trouble and everyone is all ‘oh. Okay.’ But they Always have Huaisang with them and he always stands there looking pretty and untouchable and glaring at anyone who looks at his DaGe wrong. If someone tries to hurt MY tho he’s unlikely to help lol.

Nie Huaisang: Fan and gossip and also looking at you like you’re the scum he stepped in on the way here and also you’d beg him to step on you and spank you with that fan and Jesus Christ there is a line of clones willing to ask him to do exactly that-

Nie Mingjue: THAT IS THE BIGGEST LIGHTSABER ANYONE HAS EVER SEEN IN THEIR LIVES HOW THE FUCK DID-

[heccshrecc]

bro like pls my eye so mudafukin tired. I REALLY FEEL THE URGE TO CUT AGAIN SPWOKXNQND I - PLEASE i want to sleep and i’m very fucking tired and my one side of my eyes is like blinking slower. also sorry that i long timeno

update. I’ve just been lazy to journal lolz. also i hate my. That’s it. i hate my.

socioqodiqkdkwk

it’s u know- i’m. how now la cb. my intrusive thoughts are back. Time for incest porn. fml. Not @ me thinking about harming myself and people i cherish. :D i’m terrified. omaolaoya. Oh and kimchi so good. EVEN THOUGH IT MAKES MY BREATH SMELL LIKE SOUR DOG SHIT. but no cap shits good.

i also don’t think scratching out ur loved ones face is very normal. I know it’s not normal BUT WAHT DA FAWK AM I AUPPOSED TO DO. IM JUST

rip. my knife mad rusty so i scared the rust will like kena infecriom or some shit . but jesus fucking did it make shit feel slightly better. i really was clean for the past sixmonths. And now i am d i r t y. honestly why am i like this.

which mtf biTCH MADE ME LIKE THOS YES I AM PUHLAYING THE BLAME GAME BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO FEEL LOLE THOS. I ONLY WANT TO KILL MYSELF

stop making me aroused to incest porn da fawk. i d w to fuck step dads. i only want step washing machine .

so anyways i really don’t understand why i so toksik la tbh. No excuse for it legit. i’m feel so bad. i feel like a person as dysfunctional and unhealthy and disgostang as me shouldn’t be with someone so... normal and healthy ig. Yo can’t ever imagine having supportive parents yo yo ... where can i sign up please take me. Like please he’s trying his best and ima be horse shit. He’s going to be tired of me and it’s gonna fucking hurt so bad purr. and ima have to find shit to fill the void. but if he leaves me, he wins. literally. nobody deserves to get with me, like nobody should have to suffer with me.

it’s just difficult. I’m sorry but i might accidentally unbag several experiences of my childhood trauma.

sorry gurlie 💆🏻‍♀️✂️ but i’m just mad that my mom didn’t just CHOKE ME HARDER. probably why i so into choking la deng , kinks are formed so as to reenact traumatic experiences under a controlled and somewhat ‘safe’ environment where you are the one in charge. also tip: put fingers around back and like idk how explain but yeah anyways, i’m mad at my mom for being toxic. and i’m more mad at her for not being toxic enuf to kill me.

why didn’t u just kill me why didn’t u just kill why didn’t u just jul me why didn’t u just kill me aozkwkkxkwks i hate everybody i hate everybody die die die dude i want to die I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE PLEASE FUCKING KILL ME PLEWSE PLEASE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO SOE NOTHING IS EVER ENOUGH LZLWODOWKKDKS

i’m . maybe i’m gonna get better. i got through 2014,2015. It gon be cool. Just kinda hate it la when ppl compare toxic relationships LOL at least ur mother din take out knife because u don’t know 加減乘除 loh deng.

but rn i kinda mad she dint stab me la. and wow why my dad so hamsap. sometimes i’m scared to dress up. i’ll probably never forget that time. pls stop scratching ur dick lol it’s more traumatising than funny :D.

i just wish a car fucking bangs 9 me and kills. air will be the best bang of my life BABAHAHAHA. sohai i damn funny sia.kekekekekelek

ok la hope i die in my naps or something. and like hope ev realises his worth and that he shouldn’t stoop so low. He’s just too innocent for all this man. i’m thinking about selling my soul to capitalism and working my ass off just to be placed at a value of THE bare minimum.

You don’t need to worry about what you have to do in the future and work to get out of this ass country. WE ARE NOT THE SAME.

ok srs bye liao . i need to like scroll tiktok before i think about some blood and killing and the time we were at china and i thought about this big drill thing that had spikes all over it shaped like an ice cream cone then i imagined it jabbed onto my ... birthgiver. It felt scary yet satisfying.

i swear i not murderer tumblr pls dun block me ah. I AM LIKE 30% EQUIPPED WITH HEALTHY MINDSET. i am cognitively empathetic . ig idk la i go scroll timtok liao so idt about shit...

FUCK SHIT FUCK SHIF FUCK