#like why are his core ideals and beliefs GONE

[gommeboi]

ranting about mha extra in the tags 😔

[eclipsecrowned]

And Now For Somebody Completely Different...

EVI KHOLIN. (tw for death, mental health, xenophobia) PERSONALS DNI.

Backstory: Born into the far Western nation of Rira, Evi and her brother Toh fled their homeland like thieves in the night decades before canon events. While the exact events that led to their escape have yet to be revealed, Evi headed East carrying her family's ancestral armor, which was the only bargaining chip the pair had. Eventually, the map ran out, and Evi found she and her brother were in Alethi territory, which was itself in the midst of a civil war for unification. Toh negotiated with the rebels for protection and a new home... by offering his sister as bride.

Evi was matched with the then budding warlord Dalinar Kholin, brother to the leader of the unification effort. It was a match that would serve the narrative well, but was less than ideal on both sides. The gentle and pacifistic Evi held fast to the belief that her warmongering, thrill-seeking husband could be a better man. Whether she was right or wrong, the two were just compatible enough that their friction produced two sons from a union that lasted over a decade.

It wasn't just discord in her marriage that made Evi miserable, unfortunately. A refugee in a xenophobic society, she struggled to connect with other women, who regarded her tenderness and easygoing nature to reflect poorly on her intelligence. Overlooked by most, mocked by some, and on the whole patronized by well-meaning false friends, Evi was alone but for her sons -- Who she raised to be better than their society, than their father, to see the best in all that surrounded them. Her sons, Adolin and Renarin, would never know the world as she did.

Regrettably, Evi's story does not end happily. Without spoiling the entire conceit of a character's arc, she dies in a violent event pre-canon, an event that pushes her husband completely over the edge... But also kicks off much of canon events. As stated, the match that took so much out of Evi was also what would give humanity a fighting chance against future evil. It is her love and faith, not her loss, that will ultimately echo long after she is gone.

My Fanon:

I do tend to delve Evi as a much more depressed person than the face she put on for others. She was alone in a foreign power whose core tenets were at odds with her own morals, and the culture is xenophobic besides. I think especially after the birth of her first son, when her husband is called back to the front, she hits her breaking point. She rebuilds herself after, but I think there's always the sense of her trying to keep herself from falling back into that pit as an active battle rather than a temporary fit of 'madness.'

I like to imagine Evi was close to her niece and nephew by marriage. I just think, for her niece specially, Evi understood being the outsider and heretic. I don't know how effective her methods were on a girl that didn't want to be mothered, but I think she did try to understand and support them, to let them know they weren't alone with their strangeness or anxieties.

By that same card, her dynamic with her brother-in-law was... Something. She's a pacifist. She believed the Blackthorn was not beyond redemption, that there was a good man beneath the legacy of war crimes. But the King had the kind of energies that did not pass the vibe check. He was not allowed near her sons unsupervised lest he in an afternoon undid years of work keeping her sons from being radicalized towards Alethi society like their father. I believe the real counterbalance in the royal family was Gav*lar and Evi, given their dogmas/ambitions being at odds. She didn't even have to know about his megalomaniac aims. She just thought something was wrong with this man.

She was a collector of stories and experiences during her years on the run. It's why she had so many different stories to share with Ren as a child. It was the chance to connect with others that made the fraught situation so sweet to her, the way she felt so close to her singular god in that she forged these temporary bonds and carried their words with her. I am in an apoplectic state thinking about if she had met Hoid long before she reached Alethkar.

Evi was not a totally forebearing guileless darling as some of fandom wants her to be. Evi was capable of being quite cutting when the situation absolutely called for it. I can't remember the exact wording or find the post again, but I agree with the post that Renarin translates to 'I'm sick of my husband's shit and I'm sick of his fucked up war cult too, here's your kid 'I WILL BE MY OWN MAN IN SPITE OF MY FATHER' Kholin.'

On the other hand, I'm not interested in exploring 'secretly badass and should shank her husband' Evi. That's not the point of her character. That's not her strength. The point is, after all she went though, she'd be well within her rights to lash out, to hurt others as badly or worse than she herself was harmed. But every day she made the active choice not to. She said someone has to change the system, someone has to make the choice to be better, someone has to show them because they do not know. She refused to play the game the way others had been taught. And given how pivotal her beliefs are to how the world is shaped in her absence, I think that it's her mercy, not her pain, that means the most in the narrative.

Given how my FC for her is of German/Australian heritage, I do write Evi as being of partial Shin descent. It largely manifests in her height and some would argue her 'backwards' concepts of conflict and warfare.

Prior to her death, she was a budding Edgedancer. It's just that the flames caught her before Nale ever could.

A Study In: Stranger in a Strange Land / Wondering what it would be like to stay / Hope blooms eternal / Giving this world more than it takes from you / It's planting seeds in a garden you will never see / "Kindness is free. Love is free." / Unhappy women in even unhappier marriages / Social ostracization / Mother as Martyr / I've been through Hell and come out singing.

Verses/AUs:

Pre-canon: Follows Evi's canonical life -- except for the fact it ended before the first book began. Starting in the midst of her travels across the continent and following her through wartime, marriage, motherhood, and the chains of nobility, it offers a flexible range of interactions up to her inevitable demise.

Survival: An AU focused on the concept of Evi surviving her canon demise. Allows her to take place in events canon to the novels, though the exact situation is mutable. Staying in court so as not to abandon her sons? Living overseas with her brother and coming back only once the plot gets serious? Regardless, Evi has grown older, with scars from what ought to have killed her, but she has neither given up on the world nor those that live within it.

General Sci-Fi: AU. Having fled her homeworld with her brother, she drifts through the stars, collecting stories and friends on whatever planet she lands on. She loves the freedom she has now, but sometimes finds herself wondering what it would be like to stay, unafraid of whatever haunts her from her home.

General Fantasy: AU. Follows much the same plot as her canon, just transplanted into general or fandom fantasy settings. Whether a wanderess or the foreign bride to a royal family, Evi is a gentle woman working to change the system not with blades or poison, but by words and example.

Modern: AU. Transplants Evi to a regular modern setting, focusing largely on her life as wife and mother in an upper class family. She's devoted to her sons, her art, and her philanthropic pursuits. Surprisingly down to earth and kind compared to most women in her tax bracket, highlighting she married into this rather than being born into it.

Plot Bunnies/Calls to Adventure:

Your muse and Evi met when she was only a refugee moving from country to country. Whether we play out their brief bond while Evi is in the region, or we pick up years later when she is a woman changed by the things she has done for protection, there's fertile ground to build muse dynamics and perhaps a lasting friendship.

Your muse is made or was already a part of the Kholin household, whether as a courtier, a traveler, or a servant. Evi is, if not the most recent member of the royal family, certainly the most curious. She is absolutely the kind to be nice to the waiter for those who have no real standing or power in court, or to be the good-natured but slightly awkward would-be friend to those who just find themselves in the drama at court.

For younger muses: Your muse is a soldier under Evi's husband. This means Evi is your den mother. Do not resist. Can happen in her pre-canon verse or as part of her survival verse, given her husband's consistent adoption shenanigans.

For any verse: Instead of marrying Dalinar for protection, it's your muse that her brother arranges a marriage with. Your muse have a new, lovely bride to be that will love and support them -- No matter what sort of hero or horror they might be. Bonus if your muse doesn't meet the traditional standard of 'strength' that her canonical husband does, ie being more guile-based and damn good at it, holding political power, etc.

For survival AU: Evi has a secret. Perhaps it is about what truly happened when Rathalas burned. Perhaps it is about those long, solitary walks she takes since returning to the Capital. Regardless, she has returned a changed woman, and one that warrants further scrutiny -- especially a new faces appear in the city, seeming intent on finding Evi with unknown motives.

For survival AU: Learning to be Radiants together. Evi a patient cheerleader to your muse, even as she soldiers on in learning how to be the best Edgedancer she can be. Just a suppotive, potentially intergenerational, dynamic.

Notes on this Character:

I actually stay largely canon-compliant with Evi? AUs for more interaction potential aside, I mean. It helps that Stormlight is one of those settings I don't find wanting as compared to several other fandoms I RP in. I'd say what lore I have for Evi that isn't super- or subtext is just headcanon based rather than a strongly worded letter for custody from Sando.

I am completely open to shipping her elsewhere. One, I write her culture as being proudly polyamorous in settings where her husband is in the picture. Two, despite my take that there had to be more to Evinar than what we're shown to explain her continued faith/trust in him, I am always down for AUs where someone else becomes her lover or spouse in a setting either without Dalinar or where she was chosen for another.

[egg-emperor]

You know what's funny? Frontiers actually does have a TINY moment that humanized Eggman without compromising his core characterization!

In one of the Egg Memos, he voices his resentment and jealousy towards Maria because everybody venerated her after her death and completely ignored him. Jealousy, resentment and a desire for attention are all human traits as well, and it serves as a nice bit of indication that Eggman had an overinflated ego even in his childhood

Yesss I love that because it works perfectly with how I've always imagined Eggman feeling towards Maria and it's why he previously never even mentioned her once outside of her name being the password. He was bratty and egotistical and felt entitled even as a child too, he was mad that he wasn't getting all the attention and praise.

Despite Maria's condition and how she was liked because she was a good person with a good heart and Ivo surely being the opposite all along, he doesn't see what the big deal was, especially not after she was gone and they still talked about her because he was right there, he's smart and talented and he deserves all the attention instead!

It makes a lot of sense to be apathetic towards her condition and wonder where the special treatment like that is for him instead, as he had a lack of empathy while seeing even his grandfather's death whom he actually admired, and hearing about Maria's. And it hints that desire for attention and a rude way of looking at it was always part of him.

It works so well with headcanons of young Ivo of mine that I've had for a long time and that delights me! It even implies that he is indeed 50+ years old since while he does immediately go on to talk about after her death, he still clarifies he never really knew her, which seems like he was indeed alive the same time but felt he didn't really know her despite hearing about her a lot because he never actually met her.

I questioned it at first but after thinking about it, I've also chosen to think of his comparison of Sage to Maria as being a way he can take pride in Sage even more specifically because she'd seem great to people and be talked about a lot like Maria was, which is in turn is giving him attention as creator in yet another way along with how she's an impressive life-like creation. Because it does come right after talking about how everyone loved Maria. 👀

Personal insights on Eggman's thoughts and feelings in ways like that particular memo, SA2, and Shadow 2005 are the best and ideal ways of exploring and humanizing him to explore his thoughts and beliefs. Because they are indeed very human traits, even if they're not the conventional ones. And it's always really interesting to delve deep in his mind and perspective and what he believes, thinks, and feels on the most intimate personal level for that.

[wonda-cat]

Misconceptions About Tommyinnit’s Character That Genuinely INFURIATE Me

Since the recent events following the second L’Manburg Festival and subsequent war, I’ve seen many, many hot takes surrounding the nature of Tommyinnit’s character on the SMP. Some of which annoyed me to the point where I felt compelled to sit down and actually write this. I’m going to only be highlighting the most common complaints or questions I’ve seen, one by one, in hopes of providing a better understanding of Tommy’s character for anyone interested. (I also briefly discuss Techno and Tubbo’s characters as well.)

If you’ve said similar things to what I’m going to be discussing below, please know that it’s perfectly understandable how you’d come to these conclusions. Some of these aspects of Tommy’s character are not always obvious; especially if being watched from another streamer’s POV. This may become quite lengthy, so bear with me for now.

“Tommy’s motives are all over the place. He can’t decide whether he wants the discs back or not.”

Tommy is actually one of the most motivationally consistent characters on the entire Dream SMP. Even Techno, someone completely confident in their ideals, does more motivational flipping than Tommy. From the very start of the story, Tommy has always cared for three things; L’Manburg, Tubbo, and his music discs. However, him caring for something is not itself a motivation. 

Surprisingly enough, his motivation isn’t even just, ‘Get my discs back,’ like many assume it is. Tommy’s one true motivation, since the end of the Independence War, has always been, ‘Keep things the way they are now.’ 

Tommy’s one fatal flaw is that he is resistant to change and refuses to let go of the past. This is seen through all of his actions and words; in all conflicts involving him. This flaw is the drive to all of Tommy’s mistakes. Burning down George’s house, an action which resulted in him getting exiled, was done out of a desire to pull pranks the way he used to before the first war. His friendship with Ranboo started because Tommy said he reminded him of Tubbo, back before he was President. 

Tommy still talks highly of Wilbur because he chooses to remember him as the wise, kind mentor who cared for him. This motive is the reason he defends L’Manburg so fiercely; it’s his memory of a better past. This is why he holds grudges more often than any other character; especially refusing to forgive Techno after he killed Tubbo during the Manburg Massacre.

It’s why Tommy falls under extreme distress whenever Tubbo or Quackity tell him that something will never be the same again. This motivation is entirely formed from an underlying desire for peace and comfort, something Tommy has been denied since being forced into a life wrought with war and death. To accept change, to Tommy, is painful and terrifying. But he will only ever truly be happy when he finally learns to let go.

“Why do the discs matter so much to Tommy? They’re not actually worth anything.”

Tommy’s discs are much more than just any ordinary pair of music discs. They were never important for their material worth, but for what Tommy was willing to sacrifice in order to keep them. Tommy is entirely what gives the discs their value. 

Tommy also commonly operates under the Sunk-Cost Fallacy, wherein he’s invested too much of himself into something to just abandon it, even if it’s causing him problems. This mentality is a huge piece of what keeps him tied to both L’Manburg and to his discs. He’s sacrificed too much at this point to simply let them go. If he admits the discs are worthless, then he’s admitting that he wasted all this time and effort, just to keep them.

The discs also act as a constant source of hope for Tommy because they are directly tied with his motivations as a character. They’re something he’s had since the very beginning. They’re something he used to listen to with Tubbo on their shared bench. 

To Tommy, they symbolize a life before war, filled with comfort and peace. They are a love letter to his country and his late mentor Wilbur. They are a physical representation of Tubbo’s companionship. They are the only thing, besides L’Manburg and his best friend, that gives him the hope that he can one day return things to the way they used to be. 

This ideal, paired with Tommy’s refusal to let go, has left him ruthlessly pursuing the things he’s lost. Not his music discs, but his peace and comfort, his friendship, his country, his mentor Wilbur, and his life before war.

In his desperation to hold onto his prized possession, it has only hurt and pushed away the people that love him. If Tommy continues to ignore this reality, while still refusing to resolve his major flaw entwined with it, he will lose all that the discs had once stood for. He will lose his country, then his friend Tubbo, and then he will lose himself.

“Tommy never grows or learns from his mistakes. This makes him a badly written character.”

Characters do not have to constantly learn from their actions to be well-written. Tommy is one of the best examples of this. The fact that his growth is infrequent is the entire point of his character; it’s completely stemmed from his fatal flaw. 

By addressing himself, he would be accepting change, something that terrifies him; something he stubbornly resists until he is absolutely forced to confront it. Contrary to popular belief, Tommy knows when he makes mistakes, but he pretends to be ignorant as to avoid facing reality. He digs his head in the sand despite knowing better, puppeteering the person he used to be during happier times, now gone.

In spite of his infrequent growth, the idea that Tommy still hasn’t learned anything isn’t quite correct either. Tommy, as of the last three plot streams, has shown incredible character development. By giving up his discs again, he had finally demonstrated that Tubbo is more important to him than his possessions. Speaking as a makeshift leader, he put aside his issues with others to rally them together against a common threat, something which Tommy had never been able to do before. He owned up to all of his mistakes openly, apologizing to everyone he’s ever hurt in one place. 

He apologized to Tubbo after they were reunited and came to terms with the fact that Tubbo was forced to exile him without choice, finally forgiving him. He was kind to Sapnap and learned how to be his friend after months of bitter rivalry. And these are only a few examples. This isn’t to say Tommy has overcome/fixed everything because he clearly hasn’t. There are still major things Tommy needs to work through that remain unaddressed, the biggest being his complicated relationship with Technoblade.

“Tommy only cares about himself. He does everything in his power to be the hero, always putting himself in the center of attention, especially during Doomsday.”

Tommy, since the start of the L’Manburg War for Independence, has never set out to be a hero. Not once. He may fall into the role of the protagonist, but his identity as a hero was pushed onto him by others. Giving up the discs was his only option during the Independence War. 

So when Wilbur called him a hero for it, Tommy said he didn’t feel like he was. During the November 16th War, Tommy again said he didn’t feel like a hero because he had lost what he thought was everything at the time. During exile, Tommy certainly knew he was no hero. And upon reuniting with Tubbo, he admitted to feeling like the farthest thing from it. That he’d hurt everyone and all he wanted to do now was fix it. 

The day before Doomsday, Tommy only took a leadership position because no one else was willing to, filling the role for Tubbo, who was crumbling under pressure. He had no choice but to try to bring everyone together, or fight alone. Most viewers never saw this during Doomsday, but before the battle, almost everyone who had vowed to fight alongside L’Manburg had abandoned them the very next day. They were convinced it was going to be destroyed either way, no matter what they did, so they chose not to see it through to the end; ultimately leaving Tommy and those who remained to fight a losing battle, alone. 

After about a third of the way through the battle, it became clear to everyone that they could do nothing to win. One by one, everyone stopped fighting and stood by to watch their country go up in smoke. Tommy was the only person on the battlefield who refused to stand down and give up. And so he took over the role as leader again, trying his best to keep them alive, to keep Tubbo hopeful; to keep fighting, no matter what. 

However, what most people don’t realize, is that this isn’t Tommy trying to be a hero or force himself into the spotlight. This is Tommy trying to convince himself to keep going. Because whenever things start to look hopeless, Tommy simply chooses to ignore them. He puts on a happy face and soldiers through it because that’s all he knows how to do. Tommy, at his core, is someone who wants peace through stagnation. He doesn’t want to fight, although causing the occasional friendly conflict is how he finds fun. He doesn’t set out to purposely hurt others. 

Tommy may come across as self-centered, but this is because he is an extremely extroverted character. He finds energy and joy in the attention of others, both good and bad. It’s why he’s always seeking the approval of others and, oftentimes, will destructively insert himself into another person’s life in order to find it. 

Out of every character in the story, Tommy is the most drawn to praise and positive reinforcement. He is constantly seeking out mentors and friends because Tommy needs someone else to help him feel confident in his own identity and abilities. It’s why Wilbur was such a positive influence on him. His boisterous confidence has always been a front because if anyone were to actually hurt him, he knows it will make his self-esteem crumble instantly. 

This is part of why Dream’s manipulation was so effective against him. By isolating him, he’s left without energy and looking to another person’s guidance. Tommy outwardly may seem independent and rude, but just under the skin, he’s unconfident and lost when he’s by himself. Tommy will only grow from this flaw when he finds his own identity and inner confidence; when he finally learns to be okay with being alone.

“Tommy goes to the festival solely to get his disc back and then tells Tubbo to give it away immediately after. That doesn’t make any sense.”

Before the screaming match between the two friends during the second L’Manburg Festival, Tommy had been in exile, manipulated by Dream for long enough to lose his will to carry on. It is because of him that Tommy’s reality becomes distorted, long after fleeing from his abuser. This mangling of ideals leads Tommy to subconsciously believe that L’Manburg and Tubbo are unsalvageable. 

Therefore, the only thing he has hopes of retrieving are his discs, which are easier to manage than the latter two things. And so Tommy does reprehensible things at the behest of Techno in a vain hope of getting them back, going so far as to kidnap and torture for them. This ultimately culminates in a confrontation between the ex-friends, quickly turning violent. It is in this violence that we see Tommy has sunk to his absolute lowest point in his journey. 

Swinging his axe, he nearly kills his friend as he delivers a string of words that cause the room to silence instantly. He says the discs were always worth more than his friend. Within the quiet of the room, Tommy is forced to reflect on everything he’s done. How he kidnapped and tortured Connor. How he accidentally drowned Fundy. How he traumatized Ranboo. 

And now he’s hurt Tubbo, the one person he has always sought to protect; someone he vowed to never hurt. This realization causes Tommy to break. He’s so ashamed of himself that he can’t look at anyone. Tommy knows now that he is worse than anyone he’s ever hated. 

With pain in his voice, he tries and fails to apologize to Tubbo in the moment. The only way he knows to redeem himself now is to prove to Tubbo, after everything, that he can still put the discs aside. And so he does.

“The fact that Tommy is still trying to get his discs back after L’Manburg was destroyed is unreasonable and ridiculous.”

Tommy deals with grief in an interesting way, doing something very similar to Techno. His grief almost instantly becomes anger and a drive to prove himself. It morphs into a need for vengeance in response to injustice, always. 

After the destruction of L’Manburg, Tommy saying he wants the discs back is a double-sided motivator. The obvious side being: Tommy still needs them to feel comfort. The subtle side beneath it: Tommy is using them as an excuse to find Dream and kill him. To make him pay for helping destroy their home, hurting his friends, and abusing him in exile. 

Upon the loss of his home, I’d also argue the discs have only grown more important to Tommy in the aftermath. Typically, in grief, people hold onto things that survive devastation far more than if the tragic event never occurred. If your eldest child dies, one may hold their surviving children tighter. If your house burns down, one may deeply treasure a box of items that survived the flames. Tommy’s desperation after losing so much is entirely understandable.

On top of this, the discs are still the core to Tommy’s fatal flaw. They are what keeps him from achieving total happiness, so him getting over this intrinsic part of himself so easily would make for an unsatisfying character arc. He still has to work for his happiness in order to change for the better. 

To add, I’ve seen a lot of people complaining that Tommy is still prioritizing the discs over Tubbo, especially in that moment. And while I mostly agree, there are some interactions that stand out to me as being different between the pair that may imply otherwise. Tommy says a few times that despite L’Manburg being destroyed, he still has something left to lose; each time, turning to look at Tubbo. 

This subtly implies that losing Tubbo would be as devastating as losing his home. Tubbo also never voices disagreement over Tommy’s continued pursuit of the item. However, Tubbo frequently does what he thinks will make others happy, so this doesn’t implicitly mean support for Tommy either. Besides these two things, this is still Tommy’s fatal flaw shining through, continuing to hurt others around him. 

I only hope Tubbo can learn to stand up for himself and voice his real thoughts to Tommy now, after everything. It would provide at least some desperately-needed closure for Tubbo’s character.

“How could Tommy betray Techno like that? Techno told him upfront what he was going to do.”

While it’s true that Techno was obvious about his plans, Tommy was also just as upfront with Techno about what he thought of it. In fact, maybe even more so, considering Techno attempted to hide them from Tommy for a good portion of their partnership. Whenever Techno brought up the idea of destroying L’Manburg or hurting Tubbo, Tommy would always remind Techno that he didn’t want to hurt anyone. And that if Techno ever did, Tommy would be there to stand in his way. He never once stopped saying this. 

Tommy’s two major positive character traits have always been his undying loyalty and his strength to never give up, even in the face of death. Two classically heroic qualities, both of which, ironically, reinforce his fatal flaw. His refusal to change makes him stubborn; stubbornness being the only quality that makes unwavering loyalty and extreme persistence feasible. 

Because of these two traits, it was impossible from the start for Dream to completely break Tommy’s spirit and for Techno to get him to agree to anything too extreme. Despite this, Techno already had no hope of keeping Tommy on his side after the events of the day before the Festival. During it, Tommy had asked multiple times for Techno to give his word not to hurt anyone. That they’d only threaten to spawn a wither, get Techno’s remaining weapons in exchange, then leave. That’s it.

Techno avoided directly promising Tommy but still agreed not to regardless. So when Techno chose to spawn the wither anyway, despite Tommy urging them to leave multiple times, whatever trust Tommy had with him went completely out the window. Thus, when the threat was finally real, that Techno would make due on his promise to burn his home country to the ground and slaughter his friends, Tommy intervened. It would be unreasonable to expect Tommy not to stand against him in that moment, especially after his mental breakdown which ensued as a result of him nearly killing his best friend. 

Adding salt to the wound on Tommy’s end, Techno decided to also align himself with Dream, someone Techno knew Tommy was afraid of. This might have been a way to purposely hurt Tommy. More likely, it was because Dream and him shared a common goal in the moment and Techno desperately needed allies.

However, the implication of Techno siding with Tommy’s abuser most certainly hurt him, regardless of its original intentions. This is possibly why Tommy kept insisting through Doomsday that Techno betrayed him, avoiding actually telling anyone the reason as to why. If he couldn’t find the words to describe what Dream did to him, even to Tubbo, he certainly wouldn’t be able to tell Techno either.

“Techno gave Tommy everything, only to be repaid with betrayal.”

This statement regarding Tommy is the one I see most often. (It is also the one I get the most heated about.)

Dream’s character is well known for his manipulation tactics against other characters; pitting them against each other, crushing them under his heel, bending their will to conform to his own. It’s what makes him an interesting villain. It’s something fun to discuss. 

But is it still fun to discuss manipulation tactics if they’re so subtle, almost no one notices them? This is the paradigm Technoblade’s character falls into. While people know Techno for his laid-back personality, dry humor, and complex motivations, many fail to recognize him as a manipulator. The reason why this is so hard to spot is because it is mostly unintentional on behalf of the character. Dream performs his craft with intention, Techno does it without realizing. 

As well as this being unwitting, it is sandwiched between Techno’s actual attempts to connect with Tommy and care for him. Thus, making the manipulation feel less damaging. The only problem is, this still hurts Tommy just as much, regardless of the intentions behind it. Especially after just escaping Dream, Tommy’s reality and sense of identity are horribly distorted. In this vulnerable state, he desperately needs healing and someone to help ground him. This is what makes him even more susceptible to Techno’s influence. 

And because it is much subtler, it is harder to notice, and much harder to break free from. Despite Tommy claiming to hate Techno for what he did on November 16th, he still chose to flee to his house because it was the only place he could think of going, as well as being the safest area possible. After the failed execution, Techno mentioned potentially hurting Tubbo through a vengeance plot. Tommy voiced extreme distress over this, to which Techno threatened to kick him out of his house. 

Tommy then says he’s fine being homeless because he doesn’t want anything to do with someone who would hurt his friend. This is when Techno decides to weaponize Tommy’s own trauma against him. To be fair to Techno again, Tommy never told him the extent of the abuse he suffered in exile. But Techno isn’t stupid. He knows Tommy is extremely afraid of Dream, and for good reason. 

So he tells Tommy that if he were kicked out, he’d be defenseless. That if he were out there all alone, Dream would find him very easily. That Dream would drag him right back to Logstedshire in an instant. He notices the way Tommy reacts to this, how quickly he changes his mind about being kicked out. He continues to use this trauma repeatedly in order to keep Tommy under his roof, no matter how disagreeable he gets about Techno’s plans. He knows he can’t retrieve his weapons alone because he has no leverage. 

Therefore, using Tommy like a wild card was a major side strategy. Techno knows it will hurt Tubbo by doing this and may make the President more willing to compromise. In addition to this, many of the strategies Techno utilizes are Narcissistic manipulation tactics, categorized by their intent to keep the victim in a position below the abuser in terms of worth. This includes Techno using the silent treatment as a punishment, something which hurts Tommy since he craves affection from others. 

He also attempts to isolate Tommy by telling him he doesn’t need anyone else; that everyone abandoned him during exile (something which Dream has also said.) He tells Tommy that he’s only alive because Techno is there to defend him and supply for him, as well as constantly reminding Tommy to not let any compliments he receives get to his head. These are both meant to make Tommy depend more on Techno and doubt his own abilities. Techno also occasionally engages in subtle gaslighting, attempting to sow doubt in Tommy’s mind about his relationships with Tubbo, Quackity, Ranboo, and Fundy. 

It’s also vital to keep in mind what exactly separates Dream and Techno in this regard. The most important thing being that Techno actually does care about Tommy. He trusts him and wants to earnestly help him. He knows Tommy has been traumatized and abused in some way, but he doesn’t know how to help because he’s not that great with people. It also doesn’t help that Tommy is unable to tell anyone what happened. 

In the end, Techno really does want to be a shield for Tommy. Despite debating handing Tommy over to Dream, it’s more likely Techno was using this as bait for Dream to waste his favor on something useless. After all, he could always save Tommy, should he ask for him to. Techno’s warnings about Tubbo and L’Manburg also come from a place of love, as Techno was personally hurt by them and wants to protect Tommy by telling him to leave it behind. However, just because something is done out of love, doesn’t mean it’s automatically helpful or good for someone. 

There’s no better example of this than in Techno’s most damaging and frequently used tactic: ‘Buy Their Love,’ a technique commonly used on children by narcissistic parents. At first glance, nothing seems wrong. Techno gives Tommy most things he asks for; providing him with food, gifts, protection, and a place to sleep. The manipulation within this arises when the act of kindness is counted as a debt against the person who receives it. That by receiving so many good things, they would be ungrateful to go against their abuser. Doesn’t matter if they emotionally or physically hurt you, they gave you gifts, so you should shut your mouth and allow the abuse to continue. 

Whenever Tommy speaks out against Techno’s violent actions or his plans to hurt his friends, Techno would frequently bring up all his ‘good deeds.’ He consistently reminds Tommy that he could’ve just thrown him back to Dream, but he was too kind. That he went out of his way to give him gear, food, and a roof over his head. That he was kind so Tommy should be quiet and let Techno plot to hurt the people he loves. Or else he’s selfish and ungrateful. Or else Techno will take all of his gifts back and leave him with nothing.

Knowing this, it is horrifying seeing people justifying this behavior by mocking Tommy’s character and calling him ungrateful using this very same fallacy. (Especially for those who grew up being controlled by this very tactic.) 

It is through knowing Techno’s use of the ‘Buy Their Love,’ method that makes Tommy’s, ‘I am worthy,’ response, not one of betrayal, but one of triumph. This moment is a major positive character change for Tommy for many reasons. When Tommy decides to stand against Techno, this causes him to fall back on his most reliable tactic. He insults Tommy and then asks for the Axe of Peace back. Instead of caving, Tommy refuses. 

By keeping the Axe of Peace, Techno’s final gift to him, he is not only rejecting the destruction of all he loves, but he is breaking free from Techno’s manipulation. He says, ‘I am worthy,’ because now he knows his own self-worth. He doesn’t need Techno or Dream to decide it for him. This moment is Tommy finally breaking free from not just Techno, but Dream as well. He is finally free.

“Tommy was only using Techno and never thought of him as a friend.”

Tommy and Techno’s relationship is complicated, which is why pretending only one side was in the wrong isn’t entirely accurate. Their friendship, in summary, is tragic when fully examined; being doomed from the start. Techno and Tommy are brought into conflict often because they are simultaneously so similar and so different. Techno and Tommy both deal with grief in the same way. They both long for a life of peace and comfort. They each long for companionship, hold their ideals in kind, and are both naturally resilient in the face of adversity. 

Yet, their personalities and courses of action are polar opposites. What makes this friendship one of tragedy is the fact that not just Techno, not just Tommy, but both of them, actually thought the other was their friend. They had each wanted to be the other’s friend since the day they’d met. Tommy never stopped wanting to impress Techno and get on his good side, even if his methods annoyed the target of his affections. Him calling Techno ‘The Blade’ was never meant to dehumanize him; it was a title of adoration. 

Along the same spectrum, Techno is a character who generally longs for friendship, but pretends not to after a lifetime of hurt. He’s been burned too many times, and so he chooses to stay alone. Techno is generally very reclusive and awkward around others, so when he likes someone or cares for them, it’s noticeable from a mile away. Their friendship has a very brotherly dynamic, and the fact that Techno allowed him to stay in his house, implies Tommy is a step above pretty much everyone else but Phil. Putting up with Tommy’s shenanigans is itself a sign of affection. 

However, when their goals come into conflict and the two start to drift apart, they deal with this in massively different ways. With Tommy devastated and enraged, and with Techno withdrawn and hurt, once more burned by someone he slowly learned to trust. They were once both friends, neither one was pretending. Yet, both of them thought their companionship was unreciprocated. 

On top of this, both Techno and Tommy were using each other. Techno used Tommy to get his weapons back by manipulating and lying to him. Tommy used Techno to protect him from Dream and get his discs back. They each hurt the other and refused to listen, both shouting valid complaints at the other that they refused to hear. 

Their relationship is also deeply affected by the themes of vengeance in the current arc, which is something I haven’t seen many people talk about. Most of the current conflicts this past month have resulted from characters being unable to forgive, resorting to revenge as a way to cope with loss. L’Manburg was the first to initiate this, through the influence of Quackity. The Butcher Army was formed to punish Techno for a war crime he committed. And while this is perfectly reasonable, what isn’t is the way the incident was orchestrated. It was an unchecked abuse of power to execute someone without a fair trial, as well as punishing Phil, who was not involved whatsoever. 

This was also particularly unfair to Techno, as many projected their anger at Wilbur onto him. Even Tommy did this, finding himself unable to blame his late mentor, so Techno was the next best option for him. However, it was Techno’s response to this that was interesting. He chose a path of vengeance, the same way L’Manburg did, after vowing to live his life as a pacifist. By doing this and following through, he hurt everyone, not just the people he claimed needed to pay for their actions. 

Instead of just picking the weed in the garden, he set the entire flower bed on fire. Through L’Manburg’s destruction, he gets what he wants. He destroys their government, but he also scars the earth and shatters the sky. He leaves uninvolved people homeless, deeply hurting Ranboo, Eret, and especially Ghostbur. Philza turns to vengeance as well, taking his anger at the death of his son out on people who do not deserve it. 

Tubbo, a day before the second Festival, was given another chance to seek revenge when Techno had spawned a wither on their land. Instead, all Tubbo could say was, ‘We do nothing … It’s pointless, vengeance. It’s poisonous.’ By doing this, he has managed to be a bigger person than even Techno was, with the strength and maturity to turn the other cheek. And now with Tommy’s plan to kill Dream, the conflict continues to escalate; only ending where forgiveness begins. 

It’s sad to think, if Techno didn’t choose a path of vengeance and Tommy was strong enough to tell Techno how he really felt, the two might have remained friends. Who knows? Maybe they still can.

“Tommy was the one in the wrong. Techno was right to destroy L’Manburg.”

Techno is a lovely character. He’s well-written, engaging, funny. He has many values and quirks that are generally relatable and interesting. His motives are deeply understandable and sympathetic. And yet, he is perfectly capable of being evil, in just the same way that Tommy can be deeply flawed despite being the protagonist. 

I’m sure most people already know that Technoblade is a villain. Or more accurately, a tragic antagonist. Techno (the streamer) knows he is and he’s having fun playing that part. Just because a character is morally in the wrong doesn’t mean their values and ideology don’t have merit. The best character I could compare Techno to is Thanos. 

They have completely valid concerns and points, but it is the way in which they go about achieving their goals that makes them into evil people. And despite this, many will still agree with them, even after they do something reprehensible. Contrary to popular belief, Technoblade’s tendency towards violence isn’t a good thing, no matter how you look at it. Even Techno himself knows this, that’s why he decided to reform and become a pacifist with Phil. He was not a good influence on Tommy, on top of also manipulating him. 

Techno caving to hatred and vengeance makes him no different to the resolve of the Butcher Army that pursued him. It is precisely the fact that he went on to destroy the home of not just Tommy, but also Ranboo and Ghostbur, that puts him in the wrong. He is allowed to despise all government and remove himself from it, but the moment he decided to insert himself into someone else’s country and take their home from them in order to destroy it, he abandoned an integral principle to his own values. 

This principle being: ‘Choice.’ The act of letting others be free to decide what they want for themselves. It is a huge component to the concept of anarchy, the freedom to choose. And yet Techno robbed this from, not just the ruling powers that hurt him, but individuals who were not even involved in the first place. He justifies this by saying it’s for their own good, that he’s helping; while acting in a self-serving manner. 

In his anger, he became the punisher, stooping lower than L’Manburg has ever gone. There is also the issue of Dream weaponizing Techno to destroy the one thing that has been a thorn in his side since the very start, manipulating Techno’s grief to achieve his goals. Tommy’s biggest sin in the Doomsday War was standing up to Techno and getting in the way of him hurting his friends and destroying his home. 

This isn’t to say Tommy is perfect, because he still hurt everyone he ever loved. But the only way he knew to redeem himself was to fight for what he knew was right. And so he chose to fight alongside his best friend, Tubbo. However, just because Techno is in the wrong doesn’t mean others are wrong for wanting to side with him, or by finding joy in his ruthlessness. The biggest appeal of Techno is the fact that he opposes people like Tommy. 

He knows how to put people in their place and it’s satisfying to watch. Some people love rooting for villains and it’s entertaining to see a being with so much power crush everyone else down so effortlessly. Especially because it’s so easy to sympathize with Technoblade. Sympathetic villains are the best kind; where they have understandable motivations, relatable flaws, people they love, and something they can lose. Dream is a villain you love to hate. Technoblade is a villain you hate to love. Simple as. 

Despite the destruction of L’Manburg being either devastating or fantastic depending on who you are, there is one major good it has done. It has pushed Tommy more towards the completion of his character arc. By losing one of the three things he loves, it will be impossible for him to pretend any longer. He will be forced to confront reality very soon. It all depends on whether Tubbo will have to die first for him to finally see it.

[mihai-florescu]

i am an extremely new fan, and i can admit that i dont know much about eichi and therefore i cant give an unbiased opinion on him at this point!!

i see your points i see all of them and. you are right. his desperation led him to do wrongs during war era, and he regrets it. i understand this completely, and i agree that he shouldnt be portayed as the only villain because of what his desperation did to him.

however, based on the stories ive read so far in !!, he is...unnecessarily cruel. i get that he'll do whatever it takes to reach his vision of the idol industry, but the way he phrases his conversations with the others does NOT paint him in a good light. this might be because the game is making him look like the bad guy though tbh. he thinks alkaloid is, quote, a box of mudballs, and says this directly to their faces. now, this might just be tough love, but..to say that to tatsumi, who just got out of the hospital? whom he bonded with over their health issues? it just feels...idk.

that might also play into your point about him not realizing that people want to be his friends, and seeing them as business partners tho!

adding onto that, idk the full story for this, but i was informed that tsumugi didnt want to be paid/contracted and like, begged him to be friends? idk about that i might be completely wrong!! it also might not be tsumugi actually i was told this a while ago

I got a bit rambly and had screenshots on hand uh. Sorry for the long reply.

In regards to Alkaloid, I must confess, I'm having a hard time going through the main story cuz I just.....find certain characters and dynamics annoying and/or they just dont interest me much. So i am probably lacking the full depth of what eichi has said to them but i do have two posts about my view on him and alkaloid together (well, more from a meta perspective i suppose). But then again, eichi has this tendency to make other characters want to hate him out of a deep rooted belief that he doesn't actually deserve love, even after his "happy ending", there will always be something bigger to achieve and more sins to atone for.

I'm not necessarily arguing he's not flawed (although i am arguing he's just human, not good or bad, or rather both, i think that's one of the core messages of enstars too.) He's too self aware and pragmatic for his own good. Even he himself says in Sanctuary that he's falling back to how he used to be in the war to reach his ideals.

.

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(Sanctuary, translated here)

So i guess what i'm saying is not that you must forgive all his actions cuz he never did anything wrong etcetc but more my plea for people to read his stories and see why he's the way that he is. Because i just cannot stand to watch another tiktok full of misinformation. I could, and i probably have in the past, gone on a rant about how people blame eichi alone for the war completely disregarding keito and akatsuki's crucial roles in taking down kanata. Meanwhile my guy Eichi was in the hospital that whole time. But anyway, this was besides the point. Or maybe not. Moving on,

As for Tsumugi, the story you're referencing is Element. It was animated in the show as well, but i do recommend reading it. And then, connected to it, Daydream. Oh my god. Eichi's Daydream Monologue...

The thingbwith Tsumugi is that he just started believing in Eichi's ideals to the point where the war fully would not have succeeded without him. He wanted to be Eichi's friend and to bring him happiness so he joined old Fine, he just thought the contract was a formality. I'm not sure on the "begged to be friends" part, i think that phrasing is a bit extreme, but you gotta remember Eichi was generally distrustful that people like him beyond his wealth. And with a family like Tsumugi's, divorced parents, estranged brother, a mother that keeps falling prey to scams and losing their savings, Eichi thought Tsumugi's motive for wanting to get close was to obtain enough money to cut ties with his mom. Oh. Another thing, i can reblog some story screenshots afterwards, but Eichi does project a lot of his issues onto others. Not the best coping mechanism, clearly.

I do see why Eichi isn't for everyone. I would rather you read his stories and then decide you don't agree with his ways than someone liking him only for fluff (aka only the sweet scenes with wataru) and ignoring the rest of his character. Honestly my answer might make you hate him even more, but i hope out of spite you will read Ep:Link at least. Maybe Sanctuary, but definitely do Not start with that, it needs 7 years of stories as context. Black Tea, Milky Way, Jingle Bells and Tempest should also be good beginner's guide to Eichi stories at the top of my head.

[redphlox]

Dabi's fear of feelings and connections

Dabi is a walking contradiction; he says he doesn't care about anyone, but his flames, which are linked to his emotions, demonstrate otherwise when Twice is killed. Dabi brushes off the news that Natsuo could have died because of him but still refers to him affectionately as Natsu-kun. Touya went around calling Endeavor out for neglecting his children but still trained to regain his approval and attention anyway. He lashed out at baby Shouto, admitted Shouto had done nothing wrong, and then attacked him again years later. He cries blood while thinking about his family but doesn't go home to them or change his actions which hurt them even more. Dabi wants to destroy hero society for a better future but it's obvious he doesn't plan to live long enough to see that future.

The gaps between his actions and his words are a result of dissociation and repression. It's not that Dabi is emotionless. Actually, he feels too much and he's afraid of his feelings because they've done nothing but hurt him emotionally and physically. He literally almost burned to death the one time he had a burst of emotion on Sekoto Peak and in order to prevent a repeat of that, he operates under the flawed notion that safety lies in repressing his feelings and pushing people away. He lies to himself and others and therefore cannot reconcile with his true self and can’t trust others.

In this meta I'll discuss how Dabi deals with his unprocessed feelings of betrayal and neglect by denying himself connections with both his inner wounded child and those around him. I'll also address a few misconceptions surrounding Dabi because dismantling them is key to understanding him. Contrary to popular belief, he does not want to kill his father, he never wanted to be a hero for his own sake, and he doesn't hate Shouto or his family. At its core, Touya's hurt stems from discovering that his relationship with his father wasn't based on unconditional love. This realization destroyed his sense of self so much it caused him to start fearing his own feelings and being close to others because of the link between his emotions and his self-destructive quirk.

To understand Dabi we have to understand Touya. In 291 we see through Endeavor's flashback that Touya was eager to train under him and carry his legacy. It's implied by the fact they’re working on ultimate moves that not only is Touya a willing, eager participant but that the two have been training together for quite some time. In 301 we learn that after Touya's quirk started hurting him Endeavor not only abandoned the training regime but also abandoned Touya both emotionally and physically. Instead of using the time he spent training Touya to help Touya find a new hobby or purpose in life, or just hanging out with his kid, Endeavor chooses to remove himself from Touya’s life. When Touya confronts him about the change of routine, Endeavor is seen putting on his jacket and leaving the home, his body turned away from his son.

Maybe Endeavor had errands to run, but my point is that he was in Touya’s life one minute and then gone the next. Touya says so himself: why did Endeavor change his mind all of a sudden? The abrupt change in attitude was jarring for a 4-5 year old to handle. To Touya, training = love, so he felt compelled to keep training and demonstrate his worthiness despite the fact that his quirk was hurting him. To Touya, the pain was worth it if it meant hanging out with his dad again.

But why? Well, Touya was Endeavor's #1 fan, genuinely so. His admiration and fondness for his father was genuine, and he didn't question the triumphant look on Endeavor's face when Touya said he wanted to learn the ultimate move. Before his quirk started burning him, Touya had no idea he was born for his father's ulterior motives. He had no reason to question his father's attention. Touya lived under the impression his bond with his dad was genuine and special, and he probably felt lucky that his father was willing to share something so important to him (heroism). Even after the training stops and Endeavor stops paying attention to Touya, Touya still wears his merch and vies for his attention. Most kids see their parents as larger than life and Touya was no exception. Keigo Takami admired Endeavor the hero, and Touya Todoroki admired his father who just so happened to be the hero Endeavor. Since being a hero was such a big deal for Endeavor, it was a big deal for Touya.

But that's where Touya's story becomes tragic. His father is a flawed, flawed man with many insecurities and fallacies that he pushes onto his family. I’ll get to those in a moment, but as intelligent and observant Touya is to catch on that Endeavor never set out to marry to become a father, he is too young to separate himself from his father’s expectations. Touya realizes he was born for a purpose and Touya will be damned if he doesn't fulfill that purpose even if he knows it's wrong. His father's ‘love’ meant that much to him. For Touya, it's not about becoming a hero for the glory. It was about his relationship with his father because, as I mentioned earlier, Touya was his #1 fan in the sense that he loved Enji just for being his dad. There were no conditions tied to that. “You are my dad, and I love you.”

But that wasn’t a sentiment that Touya felt in return, and that hurt Touya. He internalized he wasn't good enough, that something about him was inherently wrong. But more than that, his world came tumbling down - he felt betrayed and lied to: his father didn't love him like Touya needed him to, and this truth destroyed him. Their relationship was a lie, a farce, and it hurt so much Touya became obsessed with not hurting anymore because he couldn’t get away from it.

Touya’s motivation to become a hero didn't rise from being inspired by All Might like Shouto. Touya’s thought process wasn’t "I want to be a hero to help others or be like All Might" like Deku. No, Touya only wanted to be a hero because he wanted his father to be proud of him for surpassing All Might. Notice that Touya's obsession with beating All Might slowly diminishes from “I can surpass All Might” to “I can surpass All Might like Shouto, too” to just “look at me, Endeavor.” It was never about being a hero per say, but about his relationship with his father. Touya realized that Endeavor isn't his father first, but a hero, and he understands that he has to be a hero too to fit into his father's world. Even upon realizing that his father was using him, Touya still wanted to be part of his life, still wanted that bond. Touya, in his desperation to be loved and accepted again, could look past his father's selfishness as long as he regained that approval. Touya could pretend the relationship was real as long as he stopped feeling so unlovable.

This is unhealthy thinking, of course. Even if Touya somehow managed to regain Endeavor's approval, the relationship would still be one-sided and dissatisfying because he wouldn't be able to ignore the truth. But, this is how he rationalized his insistence to keep training in his 4-5 year old mind and this line of thought stuck with him as he grew up just as those feelings of inadequacy never left him.

This is precisely why Natsuo's drowsy "can't you go talk to our sister?" hurt so much. Touya was already emotionally fragile, and hearing that felt like being rejected all over again when it was actually Natsuo just trying to sleep. Touya was hypersensitive to any words or actions that could be interpreted as dismissive. His trauma wouldn't listen to logic that Natsuo was 8 and too young to understand, that he was tired - no, Touya's brain said, you're being rejected again! This is also why he also stormed away crying from Fuyumi after she expressed her concern for him.

In Touya’s mind, why couldn't anyone just agree with him that he was good enough? He heard "your dad's right and you're not good enough so why try" not "I care about you, your father is wrong, and I don't want you to keep getting hurt" whenever Rei tried to get him to stop training because that's the message he got from his father, too. Nevermind that it infuriated Touya that his mother could stand there and preach to him when, from his perspective, she couldn’t take her own advice. All Endeavor ever did was teach him to turn up the heat, so why should it matter that doing just so hurts him? Touya didn't understand NOT training his quirk because he had been taught that raising his firepower was ideal in all situations. Those two statements didn't make sense to a 4-5 year old, a 13 year old, and it still doesn’t make sense as a 24 year old.

To take Endeavor's lack of self awareness a step further, because it's important to understand Endeavor to fully understand Dabi, Endeavor has yet to realize his own inherent worth. He doesn't have to prove anything to his family, especially his kids. They love him unconditionally, without special reason aside from the fact that he's theirs and he's himself. However, Endeavor is so obsessed with proving himself that he doesn't realize he never had to, and he projects this onto his children. They must prove themselves by winning the genetic lottery, by being useful to his plans, by surpassing All Might.

The irony that to be a great father he doesn't have to be a hero at all is ugly because Endeavor has no identity outside of being a hero. Endeavor has said before he wants to be a good hero and father to make Shouto proud, but he fails to realize he already had this in Touya all those years ago and it still left him unsatisfied. The issue isn’t his role as a hero, it’s his inner self. In 301 Endeavor literally reaches out to Touya to talk him out of training and hurting himself, and Touya allows his father to touch his shoulders because he wants a bond with his father - any bond. Shouto, on the other hand, wouldn't allow Endeavor to touch him in 167 and slaps his hand away because he doesn’t want Endeavor’s approval. Endeavor doesn't realize Natsuo carries deep abandonment and neglect issues because he wanted to be accepted by his father too (light novel #5) but was ignored. Endeavor doesn't realize he was always good enough by default and that by projecting onto his kids and trying to be the top hero he’s doing the opposite of what he wants. He just keeps pushing away his family.

It’s important to point out Endeavor’s illogical thinking because Touya learned some of these same ideas. Touya repeatedly tries to prove himself without realizing that he was always good enough by default. The problem wasn’t his quirk or his body, but his father’s flawed thinking and self-worth issues. Now as an adult, Dabi is selfish because he's Endeavor's son and emobidies his most negative characteristics. Dabi thinks of his flames as Endeavor's, and he thinks of himself as an extension of Endeavor because that's how Endeavor set him up for life. Touya has no identity to fall back on after his father casts him aside. He was supposed to be Endeavor 2.0, but now that title is Shouto’s. Dabi doesn’t hate Shouto as a person, but he has tricked himself into believing Shouto is their father’s puppet. Shouto is a doll being used by their father with no self agency, and Dabi is going to break all of Endeavor’s toys. It’s nothing personal against Shouto, it’s just Shouto’s bad luck that he happens to be Endeavor’s masterpiece. This is why Dabi doesn’t hurt Shouto when they first meet at the training camp, and why Dabi stops attacking Shouto after Endeavor passes out - it’s not about Shouto. It’s about Endeavor, and breaking Endeavor. Touya is still there trying to be part of his father’s world, only this time not as a hero but as a villain who will end his own suffering. He doesn't want Endeavor to die, he just wants him to suffer, to ruin his dreams. Dabi thinks of it as justice.

But because Touya is still there, there is still that goodness in him, too. His connection to Fuyumi and Natsuo is still there, repressed and compartmentalized. It’s why he calls them affectionately as Fuyumi-chan and Natsu-kun. Touya’s pain is so great he has decided he’d rather end it than to carry on and look elsewhere. He's stuck, rightfully so. He recognizes his mother is a flawed person and ultimately doesn’t blame her for being a victim - she could have done more for her son, but he still sees her and his other siblings, even Shouto, as people who fell victim to Endeavor’s abuse who don't challenge their situation. Dabi sees himself as someone who does stand up to the abuse but doesn’t realize he still wants his father’s attention. He's always wanted it. That's why he went around at 13 condemning his father's treatment of his children but still trained to prove himself. This is part of the reason he became a villain.

Not to mention that Dabi literally can't cry. He has no way to release those emotions, so instead of trying to let them out, he pushes them down. But that doesn't work and is detrimental in the long run. In 290-294 we saw Dabi's flames burn so hot during his confrontation with Endeavor and revealing himself as Touya that his burns have spread. Dabi is afraid of his feelings because of their connection to his flames, but he also uses his feelings to his advantage. He wants to go out in an inferno along with Shouto just to hurt Endeavor and put an end to his own suffering and Endeavor's career. This is why Dabi doesn't bother calming himself down or denying that he never forgot how he was treated when he lived at home. Dabi became emotional in that battlefield, smiling maniacally instead of crying because he physically can't cry. In his mind, if his feelings are going to destroy him, he might as well use them to prove a point. After all, he has experience being used. It's why he was born.

I'm not saying any of these actions or thoughts are healthy or correct or condoned, by the way. Trauma responses don't make logical sense and usually aren't healthy. Knowing how the mind responds to trauma, it's understandable that Touya still wanted his father's attention even if it was abusive. In fact, this is how children often respond to abuse. Their caretaker/parent is all they know and they cling to these figures. Often times when authorities try to remove a child from their abusive parents, the child doesn't want to go because this parent is all they know and they do feel like they love their parent/caretaker. I’m not saying the authorities got involved in this case, because obviously they didn’t, but this same mentality of abused children can be applied to Touya. Touya, in his four year old mind, probably convinced himself that if he was good enough everything would go back to how it used to be.

So, to sum up Dabi’s character, of course he doesn't make any sense. He’s still that hurt 4-5 year old who is trying to protect himself from ever getting hurt like that again while still wanting his father’s validation. Of course he doesn’t want to get close to anyone, not even the League. He doesn't want to be vulnerable or let people in or form connections because the last time that happened he was let down, forsaken, and it hurt so much it literally made him lose control of his quirk to the point he almost died. When Twice is killed, Dabi consoles himself by saying he didn't care anyway, all to prevent another emotional fire. Dabi is a master of compartmentalizing and boxing away his feelings - this is probably why, 310 chapters into BNHA, we have yet to have a few chapters in his POV or his backstory. He's disconnected from himself. He knows his plot to get justice will hurt his siblings and mother and to live with himself and move forward he represses those feelings.

Because of his father not showing up on Sekoto peak, Dabi has to live with physical disabilities due to his scars and memories of burning alive. He doesn't want to go through that again so he lies to himself that he doesn't care about anyone or anything. He denies that he's still in pain while simultaneously seeking validation of his pain. He acts like he doesn't care about his family but still calls them affectionate names. He acts like he hates Endeavor and calls him by his name but still wants his attention. He decided long ago that he would die destroying Endeavor's career because that was the thing Endeavor cares about most of all in this life. It's a "you hurt me so I'll hurt you" mentality. He has tricked himself into thinking this is justice, failing to realize this won't make him feel better if he doesn't die by his own hand along the way.

Dabi is full of resentment and spite, both of which take root from feelings of abandonment, betrayal, and the loss of a purpose and the realization that he wasn't born to be loved for who he was but as a tool for his father. The first betrayal he suffered was in the form of realizing his father didn't love him genuinely, and this was identity-breaking for him. He never recovered from it. The second betrayal, the reinforcer, was his father not showing up to Sekoto Peak. Since then, Dabi is reliving his trauma over and over again the more he uses his quirk and the more he faces Endeavor. To be saved, Dabi needs to accept that he is loved unconditionally and needs to be validated that he was right to feel thrown aside and used.

[gunsli-01]

What is your personal opinion and theory about Shidou Kririsaki the sexy organ thief

Shidou's a strange one. My plan is to abstain from voting for him. Simply because I know I'm too biased towards him and not in a favorable way. I feel as though he had very personal reasons for taking the course of action he did and think his regret is genuine. However, I'm uncertain if he regrets taking the actions he did or if he regrets that taking them didn't pay off.

He gives a real the ends justify the means demeanor in his first song. So, I feel as though he may have gone for broke and ended up broke. So, now he can't even justify what he's done since it amounted to absolutely nothing. Which is something I'm sympathetic to.

His first song and his insistence on being voted guilty could just be an amazing long game but I doubt it. I think at the core of Shidou's character is the question, "In order to preserve the beauty of something should everything and anything be done and is going that far excusable. Where is the point in which a person should let go of something that matters to them?". He talks a lot about holding on to colorless emotions. Hoping that his feelings can remain that way up until the end. Yet, it just sounds like he has an aversion to feeling intense emotions in general.

As though he doesn't want to be overwhelmed by feeling but remain objective. Hold on to the clarity one can only have from an outsider's perspective. That and his use of gloves makes it seem as though he just has a thing for deprivation in general.

"I don’t- how to put it... I suppose since I have my hands covered all the time, when I take them off, it feels as though the feeling in my fingertips is even greater. I know it’s probably all in my head…but that’s how it feels."

So, unlike Mahiru who wants things in excess Shidou seems to hold the belief things are better the more you have to wait for it or the less of it you have. It seems an innocent verdict has unlocked a passionate side of his that was understated in the last trial just because of his nature. I think this since he's now singing, "I have no right to die a love that never dies." It's as though his verdict validated the thing, he was attempting to reject.

That doing things in the name of his bias choosing who lives and dies based on superiority, inferiority, or general social favor is not only normal but acceptable. It's shown him that's just how the world works. So, why would he be punished for it? Certainly, he is aware of his own guilt. Even saying, "I’m still guilty even if the morning comes." However, he can't go against the verdict or change the majority opinion. This turn in his mentality highlights the love aspect shared between him and Mahiru. Shidou is just more restrained in his affections.

Though when I first saw throw down. I was like that guy is a cannibal and he probably wasn't caught because he was connected to a shady underground organ trafficking group. Mostly because of this line and the scene we're shown when it's played, "It becomes more and more diluted, it doesn’t have any flavor even if it’s chewed. If it’s not needed, I’m not interested."

That and this line can come off as him coaching himself, "Now slowly close your eyes, put your regret on display wish for being there for someone with the same expression no matter who comes. I don’t feel scared because I don’t know." He also talks about an invitation he can't take back. Idealized version is Shidou was apart of something shady but only got dragged into it in order to take care of someone else. Like a mob doctor but that's making too many leaps for me.

Even still it seems like Shidou has motivation behind his actions. He does appear devastated at the end of Throw Down when that person collapses. Yet, if a person does everything for the sake of someone else, they'll inevitably grow resentful of that someone. This is highlighted well in his liar dance cover but with the delusion tax cover reveal it's difficult to not question if this was a one-sided thing all along.

Overall, I have complicated opinions around Shidou because I truthfully believe regardless of what was going on he had no right to drag innocent uninvolved people in as a solution to his personal problem. People that went to a hospital to get help with their health. That's just a dick thing to do and a very insidious abuse of power.

As for my theory Shidou says the one thing he wants from the person he loves is for them to stay healthy. I believe his killings could be related to him just being unlucky when it comes to lovers having health problems. However, it doesn't have to be restricted to romantic love. I'm just going this route because in his first interrogation he admits that he's had more than one lover as well.

"What do you wish from your lover? As long as they can remain healthy, I think that’s enough."

"How many lovers have you had so far? 4, I suppose."

He also says that he chose his profession because he thought it would allow him to contribute to society. We could assume he meant society as a whole but I believe he more than likely meant the part of society he is personally invested in. Unlike Kotoko who makes it rather clear that she is striving for a more peaceful world despite how delusional that can sound Shidou makes it clear that he cherishes his immediate personal connections more than any grand sense of connection through just being human alone.

Even stating that the thing he treasures is his family. So, chances are Shidou got into being a doctor because he has a history of his loved ones getting ill. Maybe even pursuing a career in medicine to help someone he knew with an illness of some sort. Either that or he keeps falling into a one-sided love with terminally ill patients. Then going to extremes to prolong their lives.

If it were as easy as him just doing this for one person then he wouldn't have any trouble answering this question,

"If you could bring someone back to life, who would you choose? I can’t choose anyone."

This implies he has multiple loved ones that have passed away but not one special someone that he knows for certain he wants back over the others. So, possibly all four of his lovers have passed away from illness and the murders were connected to prolonging their lives or healing them of their ailments.

Overall, I'm iffy about voting on him because as much as I dislike his actions for the reasons I stated above- I can't say I have an issue with his character. He clearly has an understanding of what's right and wrong even if he's choosing to ignore that for his own reasons. Even his statement about ethics being a delusion isn't something I disagree with. Ethics and Morality are incredibly flexible, and people bend these things to fit their needs all the time. These things are rarely brought up unless someone feels as though they've been wronged. Then a lot of folks like to talk about what was right or just yet when it happens to someone that isn't them most can find justifications for it.

It's not applied equally in any way but most of society deludes themselves into believing it is because that thought is comfortable. Yet, how he went about doing what he did is objectively wrong in my eyes and his own solely because it didn't just amount to nothing it literally created more corpses. It wasted a bunch of people's time ruined lives and ultimately detrimentally impacted Shidou's own emotional state to the point he was suicidal and begging for the death penalty upon his incarceration to Milgram.

That's all my thoughts on him. I think he's a good guy, but I genuinely hate his actions. Plus, people with personalities like his are difficult for me to deal with.

The only good thing about voting him innocent is it validated his urge to save those he cares about or are close to with the means available to him. Which has led to him taking charge of medical treatment within Milgram. Something that actively saved Mahiru's life. Before that he was attempting to take care of and rehabilitate Amane, even noting that she has medical prowess and asking her to help him. So, he does have a lot of caretaker habits.

[makeste]

have you noticed in the latest chapter the light is gone from Izuku's eyes? The same way it was gone from Katsuki's between his rescue and Deku vs Kacchan 2 fight. Izuku is hurting inside and im sitting here wondering how long will it be til he hits breaking point

so I’m late in answering these two asks (got them last week after 309 came out) because a certain someone had his birthday and so I was busy reading fanfic and hunting down gremlin faces, and then 310 came along and so I got distracted with that, and also I just suck at answering asks. but anyways, yes. yes to all of this, and thank you both for pointing this out. like, let’s talk about this. because this is how Deku’s eyes look normally,

and this is him in the latest chapter.

first of all, this is really well-played imo, because it’s all about consistency. it’s a very subtle change (or at least I thought it was lol), and the reason it’s so effective is because Horikoshi is so consistent in drawing the “normal” bright-eyed Deku look that you can’t help but notice the change when he suddenly stops. even if you can’t necessarily put your finger on exactly what’s off at first, I think most people definitely got that feeling of something being wrong. and that’s very deliberate.

so why is this important? well because a lot of people’s big fear right now is that the story is tacitly endorsing Deku’s recent choices and painting them as right/correct. namely, people are worried that this whole thing with Deku striking off on his own (because let’s be real, that’s exactly what he’s done; it doesn’t matter that All Might and the Hawksquad are accompanying him, because he’s clearly keeping his distance from them and is ready to give them the slip the moment things get bad) is going to be framed as The Right Decision Which Is Best For Everyone. and for a lot of people, that comes as a betrayal, because up until this point the series has espoused teamwork and trust as core virtues, and what Deku is doing right now is basically the opposite of that.

and this is why little details like the Despondent Eyes of Angst and Despair (or D.E.A.D. eyes for short) are so important -- because they signal to us that this is not the case. they are a very clear visual indicator that in spite of him appearing to have his shit together, Deku is very much not okay right now. like, let me just repeat that one more time: Deku is not fine. Deku is very much not fine here at all. Despondent Eyes of Angst and Despair are not just a little thing to be ignored. D.E.A.D. eyes are a dead giveaway that a character is Going Through It and is not in the right state of mind right now and needs help. but before I start spamming this post with images, let me add a read more cut.

okay, so! case in point,

Nana’s eyes normally:

vs. Nana’s eyes when she’s talking about potentially killing her grandson in order to defeat AFO:

Iida’s eyes normally:

vs. Iida’s eyes when he’s plotting premeditated murder to avenge his brother:

and again, Deku’s eyes normally:

vs. Deku’s eyes in chapters 306 through 310:

Deku’s eyes were still clear all the way up through chapter 305 when he was talking to the Vestiges about wanting to save Tomura. in fact, they were clear af when he was giving his speeches about that, because that light in his eyes always shines brightest when he’s speaking and acting with true conviction. it’s one of the ways the art shows us how determined he is. when Deku talks about saving people no matter what, he’s speaking straight from the heart about one of the core principles of his character, and the look in his eyes reflects that.

now contrast that against the look in his eyes when he talks about not wanting anyone else to get hurt:

once you see it, you can’t not see it. it’s Horikoshi’s way of showing that even though it may sound like the Same Old Deku on the surface, it absolutely is not the Deku we’ve come to know and love. something is deeply wrong. even though these might appear to be the same old convictions he’s always had -- protect everyone at all costs -- he’s gone from acting out of belief and principle to acting out of fear. he’s afraid of someone else getting hurt because of him. he’s so afraid that he’s pushing people away left and right to stop it from happening again. and that fear is holding him back, because as long as he’s holding himself apart from everyone else and trying to do it all solo, he’s making the same mistake that All Might once did. no one can bear all of that weight on their shoulders alone. AFO isn’t someone who can be defeated by any one person alone. the only way he’s ever going to be defeated is if the characters hold true to the one ideal that’s at the very core of the series: one for all. the combined strength of many, working together to overcome the selfish, arrogant, limited strength of one.

basically, this right here is why I haven’t been concerned about the story suddenly veering off the rails with this latest development. like, this isn’t Our Lord And Savior Deku being put on a pedestal and worshipped while all the other characters are shoved aside. this is Literally-Still-Just-A-Child Deku having an angst spiral while the distracted adults around him try their best to keep an eye on him but kind of suck at it because there’s too much other stuff going on that they’re also trying to deal with. All Might could be the one to help him in theory, but in practice he’s too accommodating and doesn’t really know how to say ‘no’ to this kid he loves like his own son, and right now he’s basically letting Deku walk all over him. as for the Vestiges, they’re great for helping Deku in battle, but well, how do I put this lol. basically I’m not fully sold on trusting Deku’s mental health to a bunch of angst-ridden martyrs who all died willingly in order to further the cause of taking AFO down. not really the best life coaches, there.

but you know who I do trust to finally get through to Deku and get him to see reason and start having faith in others again?

these guys.

so yeah. tl;dr, Deku isn’t okay right now and we’re not meant to think he is. and unless I’m way off base, this is going to be a very temporary arrangement. I don’t think Deku can continue as he is right now indefinitely. saving others has been his whole thing since the very start of the manga, but like everything else, eventually it has to come full circle. and I think that very soon, it’s finally going to be his turn to be saved. luckily for him, he’s got some good (and determined) friends. and as they say, giving help that’s not asked for is part of what makes a true hero.

[myheroblogs]

The First User's Quirk Wasn't "Useless"

This was a theory that I had... for over a year. I guess I'm glad I waited because we now know more information about One For All as a quirk.

As you can see, this is a theory about the quirk of the First not being as useless as you may think. When I say his quirk, I'm talking about his original quirk.

It's been stated that the First User's original quirk was ability to just pass itself on. This itself is under the assumption that this ability was indeed the only ability the og quirk had. (Also, what's with this emphasis on the dude being "useless" and "powerless"? Like that's not like someone else we know... *cough* Midoriya *cough*)

Okay, maybe the ability to just pass itself on to someone else is a bit useless, and maybe more harmful than helpful as you know what happens when this thing gets passed on to someone who already has a power.

But what if I told you that there was actually more to the original quirk than we all thought? And this was staring right in our faces this entire time?

While All Might did indeed say that the First User's original quirk may have only had the ability of transfer, we can't exactly see this as reliable information. We've seen him get debunked before, mainly with the vestiges.

The thing is, all the information All Might currently has is information relayed from one user to the next.

This means that everything that we're told about OFA and its power from All Might are most likely just merely assumptions or theories from the past holders of One For All that just got passed down to the current generation. This is the same with All For One, despite him probably being the closest to knowing what OFA is.

This is the one of those instances where we explore deeper into the quirk. Here, we get to see a real visualisation of One For All.

One For All has always been commonly visualized as a flame. Here, we find out that deep within those flames, there's this small, seemingly insignificant dot that has now started to grow in size.

To me, the core seemed to stand out from the flames. Almost as if it's made to appear as something that wasn't a natural part of it.

And then it clicked...

What if this core wasn't a part of the Stockpile quirk, but was actually the original Transfer Quirk that the First User had?

It may seem like I'm jumping the gun, but Banjo's words seem to very subtly imply that the core isn't quite the Stockpile quirk. It's the flames.

The core of One For All is stated to be separate from the Stockpile part of the quirk. It's wrapped up within the accumulated power, but doesn't seem to be the one accumulating it.

With almost 100 chapters later, we see First mentions the growth of the quirk. And he says this.

THIS GUY, who has always been like "our power" this, "our power" that, for brief moment refers to OFA as "my power".

But he wasn't talking about OFA as a whole. He was only talking about that small little core that has grown exponentially.

Alright, so the core may be the First's original quirk. But what does this have to do with the Transfer quirk not being useless?

Well...

It was the core of One For All that has been stockpiling the quirks and consciousness of the past wielders this entire time. And if this core is indeed not the Stockpile quirk, but rather the First's original quirk, this means that the one stockpiling quirks wasn't the power given by All For One, but it was the so called "useless" Transfer Quirk all along.

The Transfer Quirk actually had the ability to also stockpile the quirks of those who previously held the power, as if done so to preserve those who are long gone. It's a lot like what Nana previously said about One For All.

In fact, it may have been the same quirk as All For One, but due to their different will and ideals, the way their quirks manifested their abilities very differently, both of which are able to interact with quirks and the consciousness behind them. I kinda consider these two powers as "Meta Quirks", special quirks where their abilities revolve around quirks itself.

May explain why Midoriya is able to use multiple quirks of OFA. Because despite there being multiple quirks, both OFA and AFO just stockpile them into one quirk, so it technically still counts as just using a singular quirk.

So First's quirk wasn't a useless quirk after all. It had the ability to pass on itself, while also stockpiling the quirks of the past users of the quirk.

But if this is the case... Why did only Midoriya start manifesting the quirks of past users?

It's because of the Stockpile.

It's been stated above that the core has been wrapped up within the accumulated power of the Stockpile. Compared to the huge, great flames of all this power, the core is been shown only a small dot within it.

I believe the Stockpile quirk actually surpressed all the abilities of the First's quirk, except for its ability to pass on itself. Rendering it "useless"

The ability to actually use the quirks held in One For All may have been something that was meant to be it's main ability, meaning all users should've been able to access this. But the Stockpile just simply overpowered the original quirk, so this wasn't able to truly use its power.

The ability of accessing the quirks of those who previously held OFA wouldn't have been noticed up until the Third User wielded it. At that point, the Stockpile would've probably grown enough to completely surpress this power.

So OFA may have gotten a very powerful quirk when combined with the First's original quirk, but at the cost of the true power of the quirk's ability. When you see it this way, it's almost symbolic. AFO somehow managed to surpress the true ability of his brother's power.

(This kinda makes me wonder if the real reason why First didn't use or realized that he had a quirk was because he was made to believe he was quirkless or useless, since we know OFA and AFO follows the will and beliefs of the user...)

Midoriya just so happened to get One For All at the perfect time. When the original quirk finally started to come out of the flames, allowing him properly use the true hidden ability of One For All. Which is probably what Banjo meant with this.

So... TLDR: First User actually had a power that resembled his brother's, which was the ability to pass on his own quirk, and when a quirked user passes it on, it stockpiles probably some copy of their quirk (since OFA is transferred through DNA, which probably has the quirk gene in it), which allowed the current user to wield the quirks of those who originally owned it. It wasn't able to use this ability since Stockpile nommed on the quirk until it started to come out of the accumulated power, which just so happened to occur when Midoriya had it.

Welp, that's what I got. Dang, I'm so glad I finally got this out there, haha. There's a lot of things I wanted to post as well, but then again, wasn't really able to. I'll try to be more active on this blog, especially while I'm more hyperfocused on bnha currently.

I'll see you guys in the next one!

[raposarealm]

I can’t repeat the ask, but @crystalmemoria also asked for Misora to be answered in the ask meme, and I shall gratefully oblige. So, Misora it is!

(This might get long again uh-)

Oh, also, spoiler warning for games 1 and 2 and a lil’ bit of 3 (and also the anime)

Why I like them

Ok so to preface: Misora’s character differs so much between her game and anime appearances, so I’m gonna describe them separately. 

To start, most people played the game first, so game version. Game version Misora is pretty clearly a foil to Subaru’s character: a character whose personality amplifies opposing characteristics of another’s. In this case, Misora and Subaru have similar backgrounds (dead parent(s), no friends, generally miserable,) but their reactions to their trauma is reflective on each other’s. Subaru’s trauma serves as his motivation, whereas Misora’s serves as her downfall. She lets her rage get the best of her, because unlike Subaru, she’s got a clear target, a source of her problems, her manager Kaneda. Instead of being presented with the oppourtunity to protect, she’s first presented with the oppourtunity to get revenge, and she can’t help but take it. But! Misora grows from her first fight (and knock-down,) finally having someone who was willing to quite literally go to the bat for her. Misora was Subaru’s first Brother, but while we don’t know how many Brothers Misora had up to that point, that link was definitely an important one to her, shown later on in game 1 with her stepping up to fight in Subaru’s place while he couldn’t function. It’s what gave her the metaphorical wake-up-call to fight against her years of engrained cynicism, the same way that Subaru being forced into combat forced him to re-examine his world view. Once Misora was given a chance to have a friend, someone she knew wouldn’t use or abuse her the way her manager (and probably other people in her job) had, or leave her like her mother did in death, she effectively became a new person -- she rejected her fear, and accepted the ideal that this world was worth protecting. 

In Crystal’s previous submission about Subaru, I mentioned the expression “Noblesse Oblige”, or “Nobility Obliges”, the ideal that people with power and advantage should use it to help those who don’t. Effectively, “With great power comes great responsibility.” Misora leans into this ideal as well, once she begins to see individuals as precious, she begins to see the rest of the world as worth fighting for as well. She might be tough, but Misora ends up becoming another pillar of the team, another force to be reckoned with in the fight for Earth’s existence. While characters whose writing supports another is usually described as bad writing, in this instance it works very well -- Misora relies on Subaru to help her out of her darkest point, and in turn she helps him out by carrying on the fight when he couldn’t. The two are always there for each other. In real life, we rely on people around us all the time, and that’s not a bad thing! I wouldn’t be where I am without my friends, and Misora and Subaru are just the same, so are the Luna gang, so are everyone else. A core theme of Starforce’s story is the idea of not just the power of friendship, but the importance of friendship. Relying on others isn’t weakness, it’s pooling your strength, and multiplying it tenfold. Just like Subaru, Misora takes up the fight on the front lines, supported by the hopes and wishes of her friends, those who believe in her and support her, and that belief fuels her in turn.

Ok, as for the anime! Anime version Misora’s backstory is less detailed, so her home situation could be entirely different. She doesn’t seem to have suffered the extensive abuse she did in the game, especially given that anime version Kaneda is also more subdued. He’s a jerk, yes, but he’s not abusive. Misora here has much more of a backbone, so she likely hasn’t gone through as much trauma. We don’t know if her mother is alive or not, or if her father’s around, so it’s possible the major source of her trauma in the game is absent in the anime, and it would make sense for her personality here being much more optimistic and bold. Anime Misora is definitely cheerier and more optimistic, yes, but she’s also more carefree and transient. Harp had to trick Misora into cooperating here, since there just wasn’t anything Harp could prey on to coerce Misora into fighting as usual. However, Misora’s more upbeat nature serves as a sharp contrast to (anime) Subaru’s persistent negativity. Sadly, the anime doesn’t give the two much time to interact outside of combat until season 2 (so not much at all, given season 2′s length,) and she never gets to become part of the Luna gang (though she does meet Luna briefly while in Nanska in season 2.) 

Letting Misora be directly involved in combat was more interesting, since she meshes well with Subaru both personality-wise and in terms of combat styles. Both are highly agile and quick on their feet, and Misora’s sharp enough to read people’s movements, including her allies. Speaking of allies, her interactions with Cancer Bubble on season 2 were also golden, though we don’t really get to see Cancer fight much, sadly. We hear a lot more of her casual interactions with Harp, as well, which mirror the rather heated discussions that we see often between Subaru and Warrock. In general, anime version Misora is an amusing and endearing character who fills a different role (pun intended?) from her game incarnation.

Why I don’t

As for her game version, while Misora is supported by her friends, she also tends to have relatively little trust in them at times. She’s easily coerced into doing things if the threat of harm to her friends is presented. Game 2 shows this best (spoiler warning!), with her decision to straight up side with the enemy when Orihime’s crew threatens to continue to pursue and fight Subaru (and Warrock) until they had obtrived the OOPArt from him. Even though it was pretty obvious they were going to keep pursuing Subaru no matter what, as long as he had the OOPArt, Misora became so terrified of her very dear friend being maimed or even killed, that she went along with their demands. (Hell, Hollow tells her explicitely after the fact that Orihime’s agreement was to leave Subaru alone after they’d gotten the OOPArt, which negated Misora’s whole reason to agree, and triggers her to finally put her trust in Subaru to take down Orihime.) Misora’s so terrified of losing everything she’s gained, that she leaps at any way to keep it all safe, without stopping to make sure she’s not being manipulated. I guess that’s not a negative to her writing, character flaws are good, but it is mildly annoying.

As for anime version, Misora doesn’t get to become a part of the main protagonist group, or Luna gang as I’ve been calling it, the way she does in the game. As stated above, Misora only ever directly meets one of them in season 2, when she runs into Luna in Nanska while there investigating with Subaru. (Yes, she also indirectly meets then in the whole ninja shenanigans a few episodes before, but she leaves too early to truly get to know them, and never reveals her identity to anybody. Actually, even Subaru didn’t seem to recognize her, or Cancer, who was standing next to her, which is just dumb.) I feel that season 2 was on track to give her more screentime, but it, of course, got cut tragically short. 

In addition, the anime cutting Misora’s backstory isn’t necessarily bad, but I would have liked to see what her familial and living situation looked like in the show. All we ever see is Kaneda, so maybe he is her guardian as well, but I would’ve liked to have had a more concise answer.

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

In the game, her confrontation of Subaru when the main invasion begins. Subaru was refusing to do anything beyond shut himself in his room (in response to a traumatic event that had recently occurred,) and when Misora comes by to coerce him stop sulking, stating that she was caring about him and trying to help because she was his Brother, he cut her Brotherband connection in frustration. She responds back that, even if he cut the electronic link, there was still a connection between the two, that some bonds couldn’t be severed so easily. I sadly don’t have a reference to the scene right now, so I can’t give her exact wording, but this scene was a sort-of gut punch for me at times.

As for the anime, there’s a number of good scenes with Misora, but my favourites would be either harp’s rematch fight in episode 12(?), where Misora wakes up halfway through in confusion and throws Harp for a loop, or her formal meeting of Subaru in civilian forms from episode... 50, I think?, and their following pre-combat discussion and sort-of pep-talk. 

Favorite season/movie

For the games, game 1 remains my favourite, though I will admit that game 3 so far (no, I still haven’t finished it, I’m lazy-) has had a lot of screentime for Misora, which is fantastic.

As for the anime, Tribes still gave Misora more justice than season 1, despite its shorter length. Her interactions with not just Subaru, but also Amachi and Utagai, made her feel more solidly a part of the cast than before. 

Favorite line

Sadly, I can’t remember any specific line of Misora’s at the moment, but whenever I replay game 1 again (which isn’t gonna be long from now, as usual,) I’ll make a post about whatever I can find.

Favorite outfit

Her main stage outfit, with the lapel jacket and the mini top hat! I kinda wanna wear it myself, ehe~

The yukata(?) outfit she has briefly in season 2 is also really cute!

OTP

Shockingly, I don’t really ship Misora at all. She just doesn’t feel to me like the type who cares about relationships, y’know?

Brotp

Misora/Harp is amusing, of course Misora/Subaru, but one we don’t get to see much of is Misora/Luna, which is a damn travesty. In the game, they hit it off immediately, and in the anime it’d be so funny to imagine them actually formally meeting. 

Head Canon

In the game at least, let me point out: Luna plays the piano, and is considered a prodigy at it. Could you imagine if Misora recruited Luna to perform a two-man show? I want.

Also, like I mentioned in the previous post about Subaru, I imagine that Misora would’ve developed some impressive scars from combat, though maybe less than Subaru given her general ranged fighting style. She tries to insist on doing her makeup herself, in order to avoid drawing suspicion about said scars, and when that’s inevitably rejected, she recruits on of her regular band members to help her instead of whatever makeup person was on-site. That band member remains the only one to find out, at least until she has a wound treated by Akane late in season 1, where some of the scarring becomes visible to Akane (who’s confused and concerned,) and Subaru helping nearby (who’s more relieved to see that he’s not alone.)

Unpopular opinion

There are unpopular opinions about Misora?

A wish

I want to see her character set-up in season 2 to come to fruition! 

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

If she bites the dust I’m storming Capcom myself.

5 words to best describe them

Cheery, PINK!, melancholic, optimistic, friendly.

My nickname for them

“The First Hibiki”, in reference to me routinely referring to Magia Record’s Hibiki Meguru as “The Other Hibiki.”

[kodzumie-archived]

can i please get a nsfw yandere nagito with a fem or gn s/o that involves overstimulation/multiple orgasms? i love ur writing so far 💖💕💗💓 tysm

❝COVETOUSNESS❞

Synopsis; Humans are selfish to their very core; their fundamentals. Yet is he truly selfish if he merely wants to serve you?

Featuring; Nagito Komaeda x Fem! Reader

Warning(s); Yandere themes, nonconsensual, sacrilege, breaking and entering, somnophilia, fingering, cunnilingus, vaginal penetration, unprotected sex, mentions of feeling like vomiting (distress), overstimulation, and hintings of forced pregnancy.

Kodzumie’s Note; Thank you for your support and kind words! Though I sincerely apologize if this isn’t what you had in mind when requesting. This piece turned out very dark and included a lot of triggering topics. If you don’t like how it turned out, please tell me! I’ll rewrite it just for you, love. Take care of yourself, okay? Muah <3

➤ NAGITO KOMAEDA

⤷ Humans—to their very core—are selfish. They yearn for what they can’t attain; for what they shouldn’t possess. Human instinct is derived from bitter selfishness, a desire to take, take, take until they’ve withdrawn everything.

⤷ No matter Nagito’s constant resistance of such instincts, even he succumbs. Selfishness—uncontrollable avarice—is merely the fundamentals of humanity’s existence.

⤷ Despite how pitifully minor Nagito views his worth to be; how little he views his purpose to be; he’s still human.

⤷ And with being human comes an animalistic drive. An uncontainable urge to tear into all that he yearns, to take what it is he lusts after.

⤷ Even as months pass, his livid attempts to suppress the temptations and submit himself under your guide; your hope; your will. He swears to himself that he merely wants to serve you.

⤷ His disillusionment riddled with fixation leads his mind astray, and perhaps that’s why he found himself perched outside your bedroom window, peering in through the crack of your curtain.

⤷ He’s aware that someone as worthless as him shouldn’t dare think of tainting your ethereal, divine figure with his touch. But his delusional ideals muddle his thoughts until he, himself, compromises to string along his yearning as well as his allegiance towards you.

⤷ It’s a complicated urge; a lustful temptation fueled by his innermost greed. Yet isn’t this another way to serve you? To bring forth your pleasure and watch you squirm in ecstasy? Isn’t this what it means to serve?

⤷ Too far gone within his ambitions of pleasing his beloved hope—his god—his fingers trail along the underside of your bedroom window, tracing over the sill with his fingertips.

⤷ Yes, yes. The desire to ensure your pleasure was nothing more than his strive to serve you. Even as he knew someone scum like him have no business laying their grimy touch upon you, his fundamental, humanistic avarice distorted his belief; it’s not about his pleasure, it’s about yours.

⤷ Thus he repeated these words within the feverish, compulsive capsule of his mind as he tugged at the window, gently as to not disturb your rest; he wouldn’t dare want to bother you.

⤷ A click resonated within the nighttime air and Nagito’s lips curled to an eerie smile; just his luck, the window was left unlocked.

⤷ With a singular, fluid motion, Nagito managed to open the window to its fullest; granting himself entrance within your abode.

⤷ He almost didn’t enter, too far flustered at the fact that he was about to enter within the encompass of your heavenly presence; your sacred home. Surely trash like him wasn’t welcome within the personal realms of his beloved hope. But the endeavor of humanistic covetousness is not to be underestimated.

⤷ As he pushes through, entering with a reluctant hop, a thump echoes against the walls of your bedroom. Yet it seems that his luck was abundant that night, you hadn’t even stirred within your rest.

⤷ It was within that moment that Nagito’s breathing grew erratic; unstable. Huffing jagged breaths as he admired your sleeping form with an all-too-prominent blush coating his cheeks.

⤷ You appeared so delicate from within this close—no, intimate—proximity. Having spent months watching you from meters distance, this length felt almost forbidden; sinful.

⤷ It’s evident as though being this close to you was sinful itself. He knew all too well that scum like him shouldn’t dare approach you; shouldn’t dare go near; he wasn’t worthy of your divine presence. He knows, he knows, he knows.

⤷ Yet that doesn’t stop his footsteps as he hovers over you, taking a closer peek at your visage in which was doused with the indications of slumber.

⤷ He was mere feet away from you, and that thought alone sent blood to his already flushed cheeks and straight down to where his pants began to strain; an erotic euphoria bubbling within his gut as he released a giddy giggle.

⤷ There you were, there you were. As he gently brushed the back of his hand against your cheek, his knuckles nuzzling against the plush skin, he stuttered out a breathless moan. You were there, he could feel you.

⤷ And that realization—alone—was what cut the ropes; detaching Nagito from what was left of his morality as he climbed over your dormant body, straddling your hips.

⤷ Picking at the fruit of his desires, fingers clasping over the hem of your blanket, ready to reveal your heavenly figure to his ravishing eyes.

⤷ Nagito lost his external awareness, unable to decipher if the beating of his heart and the rapid, heavy breathing escaping his lips was even his own. Instead, his attention remained glued to you; to your divinity; to your ethereal, unconscious countenance.

⤷ It almost felt unreal, as though that very moment was nothing more than a merciless dream to torture his unattainable wishes and prove to him just how pathetic he was; how greedy scum like him can be.

⤷ But as he rocked his hips—grinding his clothed erection against your blanketed form—all his fears of this moment being nothing more than a dream had dispersed.

⤷ This pleasure was real. And it felt so, so imprudent. He should feel ashamed, and he did. He felt such an unfathomable amount of ignominy; his existence culminated to a mere disgrace.

⤷ Somewhere within his mind—somewhere tucked far within the depths of his disillusioned, fixated mind—he knows what he’s doing is wrong. He knows he doesn’t deserve to touch you like this. He knows putting his grimy hands on you is criminal. But his thoughts are clouded, and he no longer fucking cares.

⤷ The rocking of his hips jolts to a hault as he shakes his head, dismissing his own undeserving pleasure. This wasn’t about him, this was about you; relinquishing in your pleasure, fulfilling his role to serve you.

⤷ And thus, he discards your blanket, soaking in the sight of your body covered in nothing more than your pajamas. His already rosy cheeks flush further, sweat accumulating above his brow at your delicacy; your vulnerability. How cute.

⤷ As though your waist was a magnet, his hands instantly found themselves situated atop the exposed skin that managed to peek out from beneath your top.

⤷ A shudder wracked down Nagito’s spin, a shaky moan falling from between his lips as he gently squeezed the skin; familiarizing himself with your divinity. So soft, so delectable.

⤷ He found himself wanting to savor you; to treasure each moment through the means of time as he spends each mystical second hailing every centimeter of skin you bless his senses with. But it’s that damned ravishing instinct; his disgusting, filthy greed that persuades him to hasten.

⤷ Soon enough, his fingers find themselves curled around the hem of your pants, mentally preparing himself for the glory of tugging them down and witnessing the sacred grail of your panties. Though he hungrily awaited the heavenly domain the aforementioned panties kept hidden.

⤷ It was a swift motion, but he tried to be as careful as he could muster. You—his precious deity, his glorious god—were still asleep, after all.

⤷ At the sight of your panties, Nagito chewed his bottom lip with fervor as he suppressed a groan. This is real, this is real, this is real.

⤷ Caught in a state of delusion and pure, unhindered ecstasy, Nagito attempted to ground himself to reality—this was real, he was truly feeling upon your divinity—brushing the tips of his index and middle finger over your clothed slit. He could feel you; he could feel your slick through the thin fabric of your panties.

⤷ The feeling of your juices coating your panties, faintly dampening his fingers, had unraveled waves of heat to his cock. Your juices; your arousal.

⤷ Nothing could ever compare to the euphoria, the unhinged joy, he felt within that moment.

⤷ He could feel the hope you radiated in multitudes of waves. The intensity of your hope flustering him, dizzying him with adoration as he pants. A borderline maniacal cackle erupting from the back of his throat.

⤷ This was it! This was what a worthless scum such as himself was meant to do; his purpose! He was meant to appease you, his sole meaning in his pitiful, miserable, despair-filled existence was nothing more than that; to appease the beacon of hope that radiates amongst mankind, his beloved savior, his god.

⤷ His mind fogged with the brimmings of dazed insanity, he pounces; jumping the gun. Your panties sheltered your cunt no longer, exposing your most intimate parts to his ghost-green orbs; the same eyes that ravished the sight so hungrily, starved.

⤷ His tongue swiped over his bottom lip, salivating at the sight. Of course, every part of you was faultless; perfection personified. He should’ve known your pussy—drooling with your slick—was no exception.

⤷ The temptations, the urge, the bitter greed that was pitted within his too-far-gone devotions overwhelmed him.

⤷ It was a constant battle between his self-degradation and self-absorption. He wanted to ravage you; milk you of your nectar.

⤷ Yet he was caught in a cobweb of confliction. Scum like him didn’t deserve to taste your delicacy. Trash like him didn’t deserve to touch you so intimately.

⤷ He knew this. He knows, he knows, he knows, and yet he doesn’t stop. He can’t stop. Not as his tongue drags over your slit, lapping over your wet cunt and humming at your flavorful dew.

⤷ It was addictive; your taste. As though he wasn’t already high—face flushed, sweat-coated brows, and bleary mind—he now found himself encapsulated within his ever-growing fixation. His adoration—no, obsession; his addiction—for you transitioned from a chrysalis of desire to an abyss of yearning.

⤷ Unable to cease his infatuation, he plunges his tongue into your forbidden flower; the glory that trash like him should never delve into. But he doesn’t give a damn about that now.

⤷ He’s aware of his status in comparison to yours. He shouldn’t even be within a mile radius of your sacred space; he shouldn’t be anywhere near you.

⤷ But that’s what made you so addictive; so cherished. He couldn’t get enough of your superiority, and that’s because trash like him will never be enough. He could never amount to your greatness—your holiness—so he takes. And he takes, and he takes, and he takes from you until he’s able to fill his worthless existence with a mere fraction of your inalienable hope.

⤷ You’re his hope. You’re his promise of a better tomorrow. You’re the beacon of light that ensures him that life is worth one more day. You’re the embodiment of his desires. You possess all his wants, and yet he only wants you.

⤷ He only wants to indulge in you; serve you; appease you; fulfill all that it is to please you. As he continues to suckle on your clit, lapping his tongue over the sensitive bud, a moan echoed within the bounds of your bedroom; a moan that was not his own.

⤷ You turn, and a groan of slumber escapes your lips. Nagito’s breath hitched as he pauses his ministrations, heart hammering within his chest in anticipation; dread.

⤷ A dread that warped into sickening excitement as you gasp; the result of a lick to your slit.

⤷ In that climactic second, your entire body stilled as your limbs began to tremble with absolute terror. At that very moment, you are painfully aware of the cold air brushing against your thighs; the cold air of another person’s breath against your exposed cunt.

⤷ A wicked, devious smirk resided on Nagito’s lips as he allowed his repressed chuckle to escape and resound within the tense atmosphere. Just his luck, you were awake.

⤷ He’s disturbed his beloved hope; his god. How shameful, how utterly audacious of him. How dare he stir you from your rest? Much less have your divinity awaken to witness his atrocious self; his existence that you should’ve gone about your merry life without realizing he existed.

⤷ But that doesn’t matter now. What’s done is done, and Nagito can only attempt to mend the inevitable errors he’s committed.

⤷ He’ll try to make amends of his wrongdoings by bringing forth your pleasure. He’s disturbed you, so why not make it all right through serving you? Just like he intended to do in the first place.

⤷ His tongue—formerly masquerading in quick frolics—now fervently diving and plunging into your core. Slurping your juices with such intensity as regard for your already disturbed slumber is dismissed.

⤷ Your hands press against his disheveled hair, tugging and attempting to push him away. Yet the sting of your fingers within his strands merely elicits a groan from his lips; the same moan that vibrates against your body, releasing a moan from your pretty lips that he adores.

⤷ The harmonious sound you’d let out motivating Nagito further as he tightens his right hand over your thigh, throwing it over his shoulder. His left-hand massaging your slit—teasingly—before thrusting two fingers at once.

⤷ Your stuttered moans are pitifully muffled by the biting of your bottom lip. You’re afraid; so very afraid. Why was this happening? Why you?

⤷ With his face buried between your thighs, you couldn’t get a clear view of his face to identity him. You wondered which would be worse; someone you knew or a stranger?

⤷ Regretful whimpers tumble from your lips as Nagito added yet another finger, his lips curled around your clit as he drew a harsh suck; one that forced a particularly loud moan from you.

⤷ He smiled against your cunt, giddy that someone as trashy as him could bring out such melodic noises from you. Yet this blossomed a hunger for more; more of your sounds and more of your pleasure. He wanted to watch you unravel over, and over, and over.

⤷ And—while you laid beneath him, squirming and writhing in both pleasure and an instinct to get away due to your terror—he was going to do so. He was going to milk you of your orgasms relentlessly, basking in your cum as he strives to bring you as much pleasure as scum like him can give.

⤷ As he pumped three digits into your sopping cunt, juices squelching upon contact, his pace only grew more rapid; hasty with the desire to feel you clench around his fingers; soaking him in your cum as you reach your climax. Faster and faster, his eyes interlock with yours as your mouth hung open, your heavenly moans filling the room.

⤷ Yet as your eyes meet, a terrifying realization causes your heart to drop to your stomach along with the unwanted bubbling of your oncoming orgasm.

⤷ You knew him. A bitter realization as your breathing both halted and grew more unstable. You knew him, you knew him, you knew him—tears cascading at the fact—you knew him; Nagito Komaeda, the infamous lucky student in the class below you.

⤷ Through the horrific pleasure of his fingers thrusting into you, a stuttered cry escapes your lips as you sob.

⤷ “Stop! Stop, plea—ah! Komaeda, stop!” Your wails overcoming your unintentional yelps of wretched ecstacy. And paying heed to your pleas, he stops.

⤷ You feel relieved; hopeful. There’s a hope blossoming within your chest as you sought the possibility that he’d truly stop; leave you alone and never show his face to you for the remainder of your life, perhaps allowing you to forget this night ever occurred.

⤷ But once your eyes meet with Nagito’s ghostly green ones once again, you could hear the cracking of your spirit; the shattering of your hope. There’s something within his gaze. Something animalistic, something so terrifyingly carnal.

⤷ He didn’t stop. Not as you sobbed and pleaded for him to let go of you; to leave you alone. Not as you promised you wouldn’t tell a soul about this night if he’d just leave. But he didn’t leave. And he didn’t stop. He wouldn’t stop.

⤷ It hurt. Perhaps not physically—violating you pushing you into heaps of orgasmic pleasure—but emotionally; mentally.

⤷ Your sobs falling upon deaf ears as he removed his fingers from within you; unsheathing his digits in which were soaked in your juices. For once throughout the time you’ve laid conscious, he’s removed himself from you. Shifting his weight onto his knees, barely straddling you.

⤷ In that moment, you saw a chance; an opportunity. And as quickly as your hope had been shattered preciously, the fragments seemed to reassemble themselves; the broken aftermath of what was once whole.

⤷ Though as you prepared yourself to dash towards your bedroom door—half-naked and vulnerable—a sickening, gutwrenching sound haunts your ears; the clanking of a belt buckle followed by the daunting friction of leather.

⤷ You needed to run, and you needed to run now. Without a moment to waste, you used your utmost strength to shove the male back, and throwing yourself off of your bed.

⤷ Your body hit the wooden floorboards with a thump as you wheezed in exasperation; the wind knocking out of you. Yet you didn’t allow the minor setback to hold you down as you shoved yourself from the floor, sprinting towards the closed door.

⤷ It was close; so close you could almost wrap your fingers around the brass knob and release yourself from the confines of your bedroom; what you now considered the encompass of Hell itself.

⤷ As your fingers brushed against the doorknob, curling it to the left and successfully opening the door, a weight shoves itself against you; forcing your body to slam against the door—painfully—shutting it.

⤷ Your blood ran cold; turning to ice at the realization of what’s to come. You were too slow.

⤷ His calloused hands clasp over your body; one over your mouth whilst the other remains firmly atop your hip, squeezing at the plush skin. His breath fanning over the shell of your ear as he mutters something you’re unable to comprehend, much too focused on the painfully audible pulsating of your heart.

⤷ You had nowhere to run, and you surely couldn’t hide anywhere within your room. You were stuck. You were too slow and now he’s trapped you within what you had once assumed was the comforting, safe confinement of your bedroom.

⤷ You could feel it; you could feel him. The unmistakable bulge pressing against your thigh serving as a searing reminder of what it is that’ll be taken from you by the arising of dawn.

⤷ Ever-so hopeful, you continue to thrash; fighting against his bludgeoning grip as you sob an onset of pleas for the possibility of persuasion. But the endeavor of humanistic covetousness is not to be underestimated.

⤷ It’s as though he’s unable to hear your begging; selectively falling deaf as he ravishes for what he yearns for. Despite his internal promising of committing such ludicrously was for you—much like all other actions he takes in his pathetic life—Nagito is bound by the foundations of his humane instincts; selfishness.

⤷ Even as he pushes himself into you, choking out an exaggerated, sinful groan as he savors the feeling of your cunt clenching around him, soaking him in your cum from your previous climax as he thrusts you into another.

⤷ He’s relentless; pounding into you as the ropes of his self-restraint are cut. The remnants of humanity long-lost within him as all that’s left is the barren chrysalis of fatal infatuation; narcissistic desire; the epitome of all that he once vowed to never become.

⤷ Over and over, he circles your clit, stimulating your nerves to draw out the cries of bliss that he adores. Your moans a mantra of pleas to his disillusioned ears.

⤷ Even when the buildup of pleasure became too much, reaching your fourth orgasm of the night rapidly, much to your dismay. The bubbles of elation became too much; it became painful.

⤷ Your legs trembled with shocks of exhaustion, jolting through your limbs in the form of cramps as you sobbed from the mental strain and the physical drain his tainted violation took on you. It hurts, it hurts so bad.

⤷ You wanted him to stop, pushing against his hips which were practically strapped to the curves of your ass, you attempted to put space between your body and his; granting yourself just the tiniest bit of relief from his unwanted touch.

⤷ But he wouldn’t allow that. He yearned to be closer to his hope—his deity—for he knew that the moments shared were temporary; a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity graced by your divinity. And he wouldn’t waste a second of it.

⤷ “Please,” Your voice hoarse from the endless amounts of crying and screaming for release from his captivity. “No more. I can’t—“ But your continuous begging was interrupted by a voice you prayed to whoever would listen that you don’t hear his wretched voice for the rest of your days; the rest of your days in which you’ll attempt to fix the pieces of yourself he’d scattered.

⤷ “But you can, my beloved hope. I believe in your ability to keep going. You’re surging with the throbs of hope! I can feel it!” He rasped. His voice is cheery and upbeat as he panted breathlessly, pushing himself towards an orgasm of his own whilst you’re forced to endure your fifth.

⤷ “No! I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!” You yelped as the crown of his cock kissed against your cervix; a painful jolt shooting up your spine as you cry out. It hurts, everything hurts. Your abused pussy leaked heaps of your cum as the fluids drizzled onto the floorboards and your inner thighs.

⤷ “Don’t lose sight of hope, my darling deity. You are capable! Conquer the putrid tendrils of despair and provide me with another dose of your glory! I beg of you, please. Allow me this moment to—“ His tangent was cut off; his insanity and dazed glorification of obsession are not allowed another second of exposure as you scream.

⤷ “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” It’s loud; your voice ringing in your ears as you clench your fists.

⤷ This man—no, this-this monster—was anything other than humane. He held not an ounce of sanity as his shaft twitched from within you at your outburst, groans escaping his lips at the sensation of you clenching as you shouted your proclamations.

⤷ This sick fuck found pleasure in the outing of his disturbing infatuation. So much so that he pressed his chest against your back as thick ropes of translucent cum fill within you; his cum.

⤷ The horrifying sensation of his heated seed gushing around his cock which still continued to pump into you—though at a much slower pace—pushed you to tears once more. You want to vomit, you want to empty all that’s inside your limp body; a body that no longer felt like your own.

⤷ He reached his climax through the use of your body as though you were a mere fleshlight; a toy simply for his volatile lust. He came inside you.

⤷ Suddenly the room was spinning, the door blending with the wall as the frame warped into unrecognizable shapes. Your body swayed—mind hazy as you swallowed back the traces of bile—before falling into the arms of the sole being you wished nothing more than despair upon.

⤷ He held you; cradled you within his arms as he whispered about how good you were. His cheeks flushed rosy with an unnatural, insane sense of longing.

⤷ “My darling deity, I can’t believe that scum like me managed to ensure you five peaks of ecstacy. What an honor for someone as trashy as me, to be nuzzled within your sacred blossom of hope. Ah, I truly am so lucky...” He rambled. It’s insane; his words, his gaze, his touch. Everything about Nagito Komaeda was—to its very core—insane.

⤷ “To think that someone as worthless as me, as purposeless as me, could be given the gift of serving you like this.” He releases an airy chuckle as he guides you to your bed, laying you to rest once more. Your exhausted figure falling limp as you hit the mattress.

⤷ He leans over you, his breath fanning over your lips as he pauses, gazing into your eyes with a moment of what you believed to be the eyes of true depravity.

⤷ “I’ll follow you to the depths of Hell if I have to. Not a moment in my life will be spent without serving you; worshipping you.“ He continues to monologue, each sentence that leaves his lips muddled with riddled devotion; a promise you pray that he won’t keep.

⤷ His lips brush against yours as the lids of your eyes weigh more by the second. You can sense the warmth of his breath as his lips press against yours; not close enough for a proper kiss yet able to rub against yours. It’s an intimate proximity, but one you’d rather run through fire than share with him.

⤷ “My goddess, I’ll hail you until my dying breath, if your sincerest hopes will allow me.” Finally, he captures your lips with his own, pulling you in for a fleeting kiss that he hesitates in breaking.

⤷ As he pulls back, eyeing your now sleeping form, he couldn’t help but smile. A smile that surely would’ve stirred fear deep within your gut as swirls of delusion masqueraded within his ghostly green hues; a visage of addiction in its rawest form. “My darling deity, I love you.”

[cogentranting]

Sharon acted as sort of the voice of Sam’s disillusionment in this episode. Or maybe as one end of the spectrum of disillusionment and belief that Sam is struggling on. She’s the voice in Sam’s ear saying “it’s all a lie, it’s all fake, don’t believe in any of it, just look out for yourself. The hero thing is garbage.” (and for the record, I totally get why that’s where she’s at right now. I don’t blame her but it’s also clear that she’s very bitter at the moment). 

Sam’s certainly not as far down that spectrum as Sharon is, but she manages to pull him that way, if not by what she says than by her situation, the way she got screwed over. And he has plenty of reason for that same disillusionment and bitterness. A lot of Sam’s role in this episode was also as an observer. Not that he was a passive character, but his character arc for the episode mainly had him watching-- seeing the inner workings of Zemo, seeing Sharon’s new mercenary lifestyle, seeing the criminal underworld, seeing Bucky’s role in all that, seeing people do things that are shady at best terrible at worst because they feel those things are necessary. It’s not that Sam is naïve but he’s never been IN that world before and with the way his perspective is shifting because of the way he’s being shoved aside and rejected in his life, hearing Isaiah’s story,  and seeing how someone like Sharon who was heroic gets abandoned to this life (or even how Bucky was-- this episode paints a pretty clear trajectory of the Howling Commando, Cap’s right hand being turned into a “pet psychopath” being traded around the criminal underworld) -- after all that Sam’s perspective has shifted and seeing this world is affecting him more than it might have at another point in his life. That’s why by the end of the episode we see a major change in Sam’s position. He suggests that instead of putting the Shield in the museum he should have destroyed it. And if we’re just talking about the Shield as an object that’s not a terrible idea (logistical issues aside)-- it’s just a piece of metal, and by destroying it he would have prevented, or at least made it more difficult, someone like Walker from coming in and using it as a status symbol. But the Shield in this show is never just an object. By placing the Shield in the museum, Sam took a position that Steve’s legacy, the things he stood for and fought for, were to be admired and looked to as an example, but that no one could/should take on that mantle to continue that. I don’t really have the space here to parse out all the ideological implications of that, or the myriad of reasons why Sam took the stance, but plenty of other people have and that’s not really my point. My point is that destroying the Shield is an entirely different stance. Destroying the Shield, indicates a loss of faith in the very things that the Shield stands for. It’s a statement that the legacy the Shield represents, the things Steve represented, stood for and fought for, are either ultimately hollow and worthless (as Sharon currently believes) or are something that is actively dangerous to believe in or preserve (as Zemo believes).  Sam doesn’t fully believe either of these things. I think he made the comment about destroying the Shield as reaction to everything going on around him, sort of lashing out. In that moment, given the opportunity, I don’t think he would have gone through with it. But he’s on the edge of that point. 

However, where we have Sharon and Zemo on one side of that Spectrum, in Sam’s ear, in this episode Bucky was on the other side of that spectrum. Bucky is the one still defending the need for someone to take up the Shield. And both Zemo and Sharon used him as an example of the idealism that they are so against-- Sharon when she says to Bucky “Please, you buy into all that stars and stripes crap. ... You were Mr. America! Cap’s best friend!” and Zemo when they’re on the plane and he talks about Bucky’s role in WWII. This is interesting because Bucky is being positioned as the balance against Zemo and Sharon’s cynicism, but Bucky isn’t normally what you’d think of as an optimistic character. 

But Bucky is in that position in this debate. He even goes so far as to say that before Sam destroys it, he would take up the Shield himself. That’s an interesting position for Bucky to take because he hasn’t expressed any interest or even any thought of something like that before. He’s certainly not placing himself in front of Sam in his estimation of who deserves the Shield (just in front of Walker), and I think his ideal is still for Sam to take the Shield. I’m might even go so far to say that Bucky views taking on the Shield himself as a last resort-- he doesn’t want it but he believes so strongly in the need for someone to uphold that legacy that he would do it himself if it meant keeping it going and keeping it out of the hands of someone like Walker. Bucky isn’t good at expressing what that Shield means to him but it means a lot. 

I think that the reason why Bucky believes in the Shield and its importance more than anyone else is going to be central to why Sam eventually takes on the Shield, if Bucky can ever manage to actually express that reason. I know there will be arguments that the reason Bucky believes in it is because he doesn’t understand all the reasons that Sam (and somewhat Sharon) has to not believe in. He’s not a black man. He doesn’t experience that racism. And that’s true in part. He knows that the racism is there, but he has a lot he needs to learn about what that actually means for Sam. But I don’t think it’s some starry-eyed, rose-colored view of America that Bucky has faith in. Bucky’s own story is not free from the influence of the worst side of America. You could make an argument about the way that he’s treated as a veteran, or the way he was hunted in Civil War, or the way he’s controlled now. But at the most basic level, Bucky worked for Hydra for decades and saw the worst side of political machinations. And yes, Hydra is a separate thing because it is a fictional blatantly evil organization. But if we’re looking at the symbolic side of the Shield we have to look at the symbolic side of Hydra as well. The point of Winter Soldier was not “oh there are spies sneaking into the government to get us”, it was that the actual members were corrupt, that there was rot in the institutions. So when looking at the actual meaning behind Hydra, Bucky was both a victim of and an instrument of the very worst parts of the American government and institutions. So no, Bucky does not share or fully understand Sam’s experiences or the obstacles he faces. But it’s also not true that Bucky’s faith in the Shield is the result of naivety or ignorance. 

The story of this show is going to focus on the ways that Sam and Bucky help each other grow. I think that the way that Bucky is going to help Sam is through his perspective on what the Shield means. In the First Avenger Bucky says that he’s not following Captain America, he’s following “The little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight”. And that ties into what the Shield actually means. It represents the ideals that Steve embodied. And I think where they’re headed is to a realignment of the view of the Shield. The mantle isn’t about Captain America representing the best of what America is. It’s not even about representing the best of what America could be. It’s not about representing or reflecting America at all. The Captain America mantle is an example for America (and anyone else)-- something for America to look at and reflect, not the other way around. By taking on the mantle, who ever Captain America is can embody these virtues (that Steve had, that Sam has) in a way that people can rally behind, and he can be someone who protects, and reflects, and gives hope to the individuals that are in America. 

I’m not expressing it very well. But I think Bucky, by virtue of being there from the beginning, has some grasp of the distinction between the Shield as a symbol of nationalism or even patriotism, and the Shield as a a representation of something greater. Or even the distinction between the Shield as representation of America in its government and institutions, and the Shield as representation America as the individuals within it. We’re going to get to the core of what the legacy that Steve left actually is and  the question of how does Sam take that on, and make it true to his own experience and make it worthwhile to become that. And I think Bucky has the faith in that legacy (and the faith in Sam) that is needed to begin that journey. 

[jackdaw-kraai]

What kind of training does the Compnor Sub-adult group offer? We know that Zev is familiar with politics, both practical and theoretical, but what other experience does he bring to the table? His Slicer and Protester contacts on the holonet sound like something that takes skill to build and maintain safely, a skill that Compnor might even encourage in more legitimate circles. (Knowing how to find dissenters and knowing how not to be found kind of go hand in hand)

Basically, COMPNOR is the beating propaganda heart of the Empire. They are the PR department to end all PR departments and also responsible for sanitizing any public info as well as controlling the flow of information. The Imperial Academies under their jurisdiction reflect this, with a large emphasis on ensuring that the students under their care are dyed-in-the-wool fanatics to their cause. There’s military overtones, sure, and Zev will have gone through some form of physical training, but the Sub-Adult group is mostly there to make zealots out of adolescents.

Obviously, that failed with Zev, but he still has all the other skills taught. That means that, while he doesn’t always apply it, if you put him in the room with the Lady’s high brass, he will be the person who knows best how to spin a situation into something palatable.

Zev’s primary skills lie in knowing how to present people, how to control public opinion, and what should and shouldn’t be said out loud on the record or even off of it. He knows how to eliminate an opponent through the court of public opinion, or how to make oneself appear beyond blame in the public’s eye. He knows how to track down dissenters and rabble rousers, and knows how to deal with them too. He knows how to play the political game and how to work the system in various aspects.

But what he lacked was the power to put that knowledge to use, or the trust of his superiors. See, Zev would have been near the top of his class if it wasn’t for two things: his moral compass and his idealism.

For all that he comes over as incredibly cynical and jaded, Zev is still an idealist at his core. He believes that the world ought to be fair and kind and is appalled when he discovers an aspect of it that flies in the face of that belief. He’s motivated by a righteous anger and deep-seated belief that people should be treated with respect and dignity.  But this also means that he can’t bring himself to follow anyone who doesn’t champion these kinds of ideals, which is why he got all but blacklisted by the very academy he studies at. Because he won’t blindly follow along with what he’s told, and because he has his own staunch beliefs that he won’t compromise on an employer’s say-so. He’s too much of a risk for these kinds of institutions, as people like Zev are the kind that will be an honest system’s greatest ally and a corrupt system’s greatest enemy.

Which is exactly why he’s perfectly suited to working with Luke. Luke’s force of personality and conviction in his ideals make him exactly the kind of leader that someone like Zev can be truly loyal to. Likewise, Luke’s power and presence offer protection against backlash to those under his wings, no matter what kind of backlash we’re talking about. All this frees up Zev to finally do the thing he’s good at to his fullest ability: manipulate the flow of public information and the public opinion itself to the benefit of those he swears his allegiance to.

And trust me, as the coming war looms ever closer, that’ll be an invaluable skill indeed. 

[phantaloon-books]

(some) Riordanverse characters (bc I never read TKC) and which Hogwarts House I think they would be in

Warning: this is a long one

Nico: the dude is definitely Gryffindor without a doubt. Like Sorting isn't about some traits and some characteristics, it's about core personality. He may have gone through some of the roughest stuff when he was 10-12, and he was resentful and bitter, but he was brave and bold af throughout everything he did. From learning about his powers, to using them relentlessly despite knowing how exhausted he is afterwards, to his willingness to do whatever is necessary to do what has to be done, because it has to be done. You can't change my mind that he's Gryffindor lol.

Grover: Do I even need to explain why he's Gryffindor? He's a satyr, and even if we're shown strong satyrs, they're not really supposed to be brave fighters. Yet he is one of the strongest, bravest nature spirits we've ever encountered in the Riordanverse, and one of the bravest in general. Like he's so passionate about doing what is good, he's a hero, and the only thing he doesn't match with common Gryffindors is that he's humble and as far from arrogant as could be possible, but it doesn't take his courage away.

Hazel: She's Gryffindor, and core personality-wise, she and Nico are very much alike. They don't ever think about themselves, like Hazel really always does what has to be done, no matter the cost, I mean she literally died preventing Gaea to rise the first time, and she freed Thanatos while believing he would take her back to the Underworld. She's brave af, and she has one of the most strong willpower we've seen in the Riordanverse. She's a passionate hero, and she's the closest thing to a real knight in shining armor.

Lester: I'm gonna place him in Gryffindor because I don't think he fits in in the other houses lmao. That said, as Apollo he's very shitty, but as Lester, he's one of the most courageous people. He's grown so much, he's so willing to actually do stuff now, and sacrifice everything to do what's right, including his life, even if he doesn't know he's gonna survive. Hell, he really went most of TTT with an incredibly painful wound that nearly turned him undead, and he cared more for the future of Camp Jupiter than his own life. Additionally, he's a bit arrogant and cocky, but he truly means well, I love Lester so much.

Clarisse: Look look, all I have to say is that no one could have pulled off less than half the stuff Clarisse has done, she's so Gryffindor it hurts. She's reckless and impulsive, but she's driven by her passion to do good, even if she's the daughter of war, and was bullied by her own father. She's daring, she's bold and she is the hero. She's also arrogant and thinks she can solve everything by herself, something characteristic more of the canon Gryffindors in the books, rather than what the fans have shaped. In fact, she's very much like Gryffindors in the books, who are actually very rude to other houses and think they're the best. Still, at heart, she's in this house.

Alex: I'm in a huge dilemma about where to put them, but I reckon they'd fit pretty fine in Gryffindor. Not only are they daring and courageous, they're proud of who they are, but not in a too full of themselves kind of way, rather in a 'I am who I am, and if you can't accept me, fuck off' kind of way. They can get carried away rather easily though, and very arrogant, thinking they don't need anyone else, when they do in fact need some company. They are one of the kindest and at the same time most ambitious characters we've met, but they are brave beyond understanding in a very personal way, thus, Gryffindor.

Percy: I think it's fair to say he'd be Hufflepuff, because loyalty is literally his fucking fatal flaw, and he is the kindest sweetheart to all those who deserve it, he goes out of his way to help those who need help, whether that be mortals, halfbloods, gods, magical creatures or even his own enemies. He's too good for this world, and even if he's grown a bit bitter, he always looks to fight justly for what is right, and never loses faith in others. That, and the fact that he turned down immortality so that the olympians were more inclusive of minor gods, and their children were treated better. He's just a lovely soul, he's like 80% Hufflepuff so that's enough for me. All that and he's stubborn as hell.

Jason: Hufflepuff. Just, undoubtedly Hufflepuff. Like he seems to be this cold and self centered hero with a superiority complex (bc of all the son of Jupiter stuff) but he's the softest guy there is. Not only is he hardworking, open minded and kind, he appreciates justice but he doesn't seek for revenge or anything, he makes sure people are treated fairly and wants everyone to be accepted. Proof of that is how he continued Percy's job of including more gods, and made sure Nico felt comfortable with who he was. He truly has a heart of gold. (He deserved better btw)

Meg: God I can't decide between Hufflepuff and Gryffindor, but I think I'll go with the former. She's so strong, my baby, she's faced so much wrong, but she's still so kind and understanding of others, especially those who deserve kindness. She puts up such a hard facade, but she's so patient and warm and inclusive. She's brave and strong (as strong as the big three kids, if not stronger), but she's also so loyal to her beliefs despite how she was forced someone else's beliefs for years, so I'll keep her in Hufflepuff. Also, she's stubborn af, and she can be lazy, so that settles it.

Will: I KNOW some people will say Will could be in other houses that are not Hufflepuff, BUT I won't have it any other way. Will is literally the warmest person ever. He is kind and sympathetic and enthusiastic and patient and inclusive. Like Helga Hufflepuff would take one look at him and lose her shit screaming "mine". He's the guy who saw the son of Hades so many people were scared of and immediately grabbed his hand and transfered him some warmth and didn't let him go ahead and get himself killed. He's also the one who everyone loves and likes, so much that Clarisse gets along with him and he can calm her down. He's the ideal Hufflepuff, you can't change my mind.

Magnus: I mean, what else can you expect from the son of the god of summer? He's literally a guy who heals others with warmth. He's also the guy who spent years on the street with the most difficult situations, and accepts every single person the way they are. He's inclusive af, and tolerant of everything. He's the guy who's closest include a deaf elf, a Muslim valkyrie, and a black dwarf, and he's dating a genderfluid person. Yes he's brave, and he's kinda smart, and he's ambitious, BUT none of those qualities overpower his Hufflepuff nature.

Piper: Kinda debated whether Gryffindor or Ravenclaw fits more, but in the end I went with Ravenclaw. Even though she isn't a fighter, she's very very brave, yet her bravery isn't compared to her wits. Like others in the PJOverse, she wins her fights by outsmarting her opponents, but unlike others that's one of her strongest traits. She's witty and creative and a little on the negative side, she really struggled to work in a group rather than by herself. On another note, she's able to keep calm in crazy situations and come up with the craziest most unthinkable solutions (I'm talking borderline ridiculous) that always somehow work. She's not booksmart, but she knows so much about everything, and she's lifesmart you know?

Reyna: Why are some of these so hard? Deeply debating whether she'd be Ravenclaw or Slytherin. In the end I'd go more for Ravenclaw though. Reyna's smart as hell, she's strong and sharp, and she always sees the best way out of a situation. She's witty and observant, being able to keep her cool in battle and lead others in the best direction. She's always looking to grow, and she prefers to do things on her own, but she's a great leader. She has some Slytherin qualities, and she's not learning as learning oriented as others, but she's definitely Ravenclaw.

Sam: Let's face it, Sam has the only active neurons in all of MCGA, she's definitely Ravenclaw. I'm gonna be honest though, I've only read MCGA once, so I can't remember much of their personalities, but Sam is witty and clever, pretty much the only one who can come up with competent plans, while the others rely mostly on luck and whatever plan they can cook up in 5 seconds. She's loyal and true to who she is, and she's extremely courageous and proud of who she is, but her sharpness is what she stands out for me, which is why I put her in Ravenclaw.

Annabeth: I know the obvious option is Ravenclaw, but I genuinely think she's also Slytherin. Yes she is booksmart and wise like Ravenclaw, but her personality matches Slytherins' ambitious, cunning and resourceful nature. She's smart as fuck, but she's calculative, she always finds a way to end up winning, and while she does so by outsmarting her opponents, she wouldn't need to outsmart them if she weren't so competitive. I feel like there's this 40/60 odds on Slytherin rather than Ravenclaw, but it's that small difference that counts. Plus her leadership skills are so powerful that people don't ask, they just know she's the boss.

(Also just picture the sweet and loyal Hufflepuff boy with the strong and cunning Slytherin girl, like it should be as opposite as it is with Poseidon and Athena, but they're so cute)

Leo: Idk what you can expect that's not Slytherin. This boy is the embodiment of ambition and determination. Reminder that not all Slytherins are bad btw (I'm slytherin myself), but like he's life smart and cunning, and he can analyze situations faster than anyone else. He's charismatic and talented, and there's no one to stop him from triumphing. I don't have much to say, I just know he'd be in Slytherin.

Rachel: She's kinda a difficult one, and I struggle between Gryffindor and Slytherin, and tbh I'm still not sure. But I think I'd place her in Slytherin, because even if she's brave af (especially since she was a mortal fighting in a war out of her power), her main trait is her determination. When she's set on something, she gets it done. You can't tell her she can't do something, because she will find a way to do it. She's kind, and she's only a mortal, but she still has incredible power unlike any other. I don't think I can really name it, but I think she'd be put on Slytherin with much difficulty from the Sorting Hat.

Luke: Where else could Luke possibly go? On the meaner side Slytherins have created themselves, Luke would be part of those misled by who preceded them, by those who want to take advantage of their mistreatment (bc let's face it, Slytherins are mistreated by both students and Hogwarts staff), and turn them cold and bitter. Luke is ambitious and manipulative, being manipulated himself, and it comes easily because of his natural charisma and talent. He's very freaking determined and cunning too. He'd fit right into Slytherin, but he'd be viewed as one of the rotten lot.

Thalia: I don't have much to say about this, but Thalia is the girl whose fatal flaw is their desire for power (or smth along those lines), just like most Slytherins. She's ambitious, she's smart, she's truly talented, she stands out between the rest, and she knows it, and she actually kinda likes it.

(Also I put Annabeth, Thalia and Luke in the same house because they're all kinda similar, even if their beliefs and postures are different.

Frank: Ngl I'm having more difficulty with Frank than anyone else. I'm kinda torn between Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. I literally can't choose. He'd fit perfectly in any of them lmao, I just can't decide where he'd go. You decide this one yourself.

Please keep in mind, this is my personal opinion and my take on the characters, and not all of you will agree, and that's fine! You can let me know what you think (kindly please, don't come at me), and if you want to, send me an ask on a character you want me to do the same as these (as long as it's not TKC, I'M SORRY I haven't read those) go ahead, don't be shy!

[gffa]

Darth Vader vol. 3 #1 (2020) | Greg Pak & Raffaele Ienco HOLY SHIT THAT IS A HELL OF A LOT TO UNPACK AND HOW MUCH IT’S DRAWING ON WHAT WE KNOW OF ANAKIN SKYWALKER TO TELL ITS STORY. All the moments in red are Vader’s memories, the word bubbles his thoughts, as he lashes out in the aftermath of his confrontation with Luke on Cloud City.  That Luke falling away from him triggers all these memories of the other people that were “stolen” from him--specifically Shmi, Padme, and Luke.  It’s fascinating that he focuses on these three, the very obvious absences of Obi-Wan and Ahsoka incredibly telling, because those are the two who actively said, “No, I won’t let you do this.” and stood up to stop him. This is post-”Twilight of the Apprentice”, so Vader and Ahsoka have had their showdown and this issue is incredibly aware of it.  Vader’s going to hunt down everyone who made Luke weak, which is going hand in hand with how Anakin is projecting like hell in these moments, that the dark side is more powerful, that Luke needs fear and pain, that he’s going to destroy everyone that made Luke weak is about himself and how he has had to justify and rationalize every step he’s taken into the dark side.  That it has to be worth it, because otherwise it was all for nothing. That was built on in both previous Darth Vader comics, the sunken cost fallacy, the inability to face what he’s done, the glimmers of something underneath that.  This comic is aware of those as well, but it struck me how focused he was on weakness needing to be eradicated, which is such a stellar connection to this moment from “Twilight of the Apprentice”:

The thing that really gets me about Anakin’s projecting here is Palpatine’s reaction to hearing that Vader’s gone on a rampage. Piett gets a call from the Emperor who wants to talk to Vader, Vader’s gone, Piett nervously reports that, and the Emperor laughs.

Yes, there’s an element of Sidious knowing that Vader will go after Luke and then he can try to turn Luke and replace Vader with him. But also it signals just how awful Vader’s mindset is about all of this, that Sidious has over and over made Vader suffer to chain him further into the dark side, he humiliates him after any small defeat, he feels Vader’s hate and rage grow and says that’s good, etc. This is just another way for Vader to suffer, that he’s not finding something good with Luke, but instead using this as barbs to hurt himself, to make himself bleed all the more, because all Anakin knows is pain and the dark side now. “You came to punish someone... but, unfortunately, there’s no one left,” says the droid Vader takes with him, who is there to contrast against what we’re actually being shown:  Vader is there to be punished.  To punish himself with these memories and pain, of the people he feels were ripped away from him, that were supposed to be his. He suffers through the memories on Tatooine, some part of him knowing all of this is wrong, which is why he sees Yoda’s face, he knows this is the path that lead him to suffering, and now he justifies it that he was destroying the weak Anakin Skywalker, he’ll destroy all the people who made Luke Skywalker weak as well. This perfectly fits with Filoni’s take on Vader in “Twilight of the Apprentice”, in addition to how she represents everything he was wrong about as Anakin Skywalker, that he’s so wrapped up in his hate for himself as he is for his external hate, so he needs to destroy her.  “This is one of the points George and I had discussed, that it’s the very reason why there isn’t any empathy for Ahsoka.  It’s not like he looks upon an old friend.  He looks upon a horrible memory.  It’s connected to a bunch of painful memories.  Which, in one version, symbolizes his loyalty to the Republic, when everybody else betrayed him, so he would see everyone else as a traitor.  Or he has to recognize his complete failure to side with his friends.  Well, he’s certainly not going to do that.” --Dave Filoni, podcast interview Vader is experiencing the exact same thing in this issue, that he looks upon something and it’s connected to all of these memories, so he wants to destroy it, because he needs to destroy anything that reminds him of Anakin Skywalker, of the things he was wrong about as Anakin, but he’s never going to do that, he’s never going to recognize that he made the wrong choices. This is a comic that is very aware of what it’s referencing (Darth Vader vol. 1, Darth Vader vol. 2, Star Wars vol. 1, Star Wars Rebels, Revenge of the Sith, Return of the Jedi, etc.) and that’s why the ending smacks it right into our faces one last time: Vader goes to Padme’s apartment, finds a transmitter there, follows it to a seedy bar on Vendaxa and runs into, thinking, Power, Luke.  If you only knew... only power can save... Padme?

He’s thinking about how power is the only thing that can save something, then immediately runs into Padme’s doppleganger, connecting us right back to that line from Revenge of the Sith, where he’s in full Darth Vader mode, that was right there at the beginning of Darth Vader, it’s one of the foundational aspects of his character.  “Love won’t save anything.  Only power will.” All of this, ALL OF THIS is connected together for Vader.  His belief that power is the only thing that can save anyone, that the dark side is the only path. (”No.  [The dark side] is all there is.”  --Darth Vader: Dark Lord of the Sith,  "The dark side always wins, Obi-Wan.  You should know that by now." --Star Wars vol. 1 2015) That the dark side is the only true power, that it always wins, that he cannot admit to what he’s done as wrong (despite that some part of him absolutely knows that this is a giant rationalization and he knows he was wrong to step onto this path, George Lucas has directly said that, as well as we see him cry, see him moan, “What have I done!?”), cannot face his own demons and move beyond them.  That is a core thing about Anakin Skywalker, it’s in nearly every story about him, that he cannot face himself or how wrong his choices are. Instead, he just keeps doubling down on the dark side, keeps idealizing these people as possessions for him to have, that they’re his and how dare anyone take them from him, they’re his!!! That’s why Obi-Wan and Ahsoka’s absences are so keenly felt, despite that they’re very much connected to everything that this comic is drawing on, because he cannot see them as his things. And now he’s trying to do the same to Luke, to force him onto the path of the dark side, to destroy the people who made him “weak”, because Vader has to think that Luke must join the dark side to justify everything that he’s done, because other people’s senses of agency don’t matter to him, and he’s in deep denial about how much Anakin Skywalker is still alive within him. AND UGH IT’S SO FUCKING GOOD, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU CONNECT IT TO ALL OF THIS OTHER STUFF GOING ON WITH ANAKIN SKYWALKER.

[eijispumpkin]

some musings about yut-lung, inspired by a post i saw on the dash earlier today:

if the story of banana fish were to be reframed with yut-lung as the protagonist, ash would not actually be the primary antagonist of the final arc. eiji would.

why? because yut-lung’s issue was never really with ash. it was with his own lack of happiness after he got his revenge on his brothers. we can see this in episode 24 when he tells sing that his entire life’s purpose was to hate his brothers, and now that they’re gone, he’s empty.

now, obviously, during the beginning of this retelling, none of the characters we really care about from canon would matter. the primary antagonists would be the lee siblings, particularly wang-lung as head of the family. most of yut-lung’s actions in canon are behind the scenes, but in this retelling they would be front-and-center. i’m not gonna linger on that point because i think it’s fairly self-explanatory, but ash and eiji would not really be relevant to yut-lung’s story until after yut-lung’s plans are well underway (i.e. until hua-lung is drugged and has already become his puppet).

so, what is yut-lung’s relationship to ash?

i would posit that he latched onto ash as someone he saw himself in. someone that had been through similar trauma, someone who should have been as broken, unlovable, and unable to heal as himself. (or at least, as he saw himself.) that was the root of his fixation on ash: the belief that if yut-lung himself couldn’t heal and be happy, even after getting his revenge, why should someone else?

and, when we analyze why ash was more capable of healing in the timeframe he did than yut-lung, obviously there’s eiji, but eiji is not the only person to care for ash. there’s shorter, nadia, max, ibe, alex and the other gang members, etc; while ash has had an undeniably hard time, he has also found a support network.

yut-lung has not.

in fact, the whole thing is so foreign to him that he completely discounts the entire network, and decides that ash’s sole support is eiji. now, ash and eiji are definitely important to each other, but it would be remiss to say that eiji is the only person important to ash or the only person to care for him. this is a misinterpretation of ash, caused by yut-lung placing him on a pedestal as “the only one who understands”, so to speak, and it’s why yut-lung fixated so hard on eiji as the obstacle to remove in order to bring ash to his level.

ash’s actions towards yut-lung are not actually antagonistic. ash tells him he’ll kill him one day, but he never tries to actually act on it, or do anything else to hinder yut-lung’s plans in general. frankly, ash doesn’t really give two shits what yut-lung is doing, until ep 20 when yut-lung has eiji, alex, bones, and kong. that is (iirc) the second time ash and yut-lung even see each other after shorter’s death.

now let’s contrast that with eiji.

in episode 9, yut-lung says that eiji really annoys him, because he’s too innocent. he echoes that in episode 14, when he says that people either want to protect eiji, like ash, or they want to “tear him up and destroy him”, and that yut-lung himself is one of the latter. putting his idealization of ash aside for a moment, it’s pretty evident that this hatred is motivated by jealousy (a common theme in yut-lung’s story): why should eiji have had a happy childhood, when yut-lung didn’t? 

in fact, that whole conversation in episode 14 is pretty telling. yut-lung tells eiji that he’s stupid for thinking he’s ash’s friend, because “ash has no need for friends [...] all he needs are those who idolize him, and those, like arthur, who defy him. he doesn’t need anyone else. especially not you, who is only a burden to him.”

yut-lung isn’t talking about ash. he thinks he is, but really? he’s talking about himself. or, rather, what he wants himself to be.

in ep24, we see him breaking down because he doesn’t know what his life purpose is without having an enemy. that combined with how he thinks that someone like ash (i.e., someone like himself) “doesn’t need friends”, the fact that the heart of his quest for vengeance is his mother, and his jealousy regarding eiji’s happier childhood, all comes together to suggest to me, at least, that at his core, yut-lung craves companionship, and at the same time desperately wants to deny that he wants it.

this conflict is the crux of his character. yut-lung’s story is ultimately a man-vs-self battle; he has an image of himself that he wants to be (cold, calculating, alone, satisfied), and he’s trying desperately to force himself to fit into that box, but he can’t actually do it. he’s hurting, he’s lonely, and he’s scared, and he lashes out and gets petty, bitter, and vicious.

so how does eiji come in?

eiji is the antithesis of everything yut-lung wants. he’s evidence that ash (i.e. yut-lung’s mirror) can heal and be loved, and yut-lung doesn’t want to see that, because it shatters his worldview that he’s on a path no one else except ash and those like him can walk. he doesn’t want to accept that people like ash (i.e. himself) can need love and support and friendship. eiji threatens to undermine his entire outlook on life.

and how does eiji respond to that? 

eiji responds by loving ash harder. by insisting that yut-lung won’t ever understand, but that he will stay by ash’s side. that they understand that they both care for each other. yut-lung kidnaps him after ash is stabbed and reported dead, and eiji refuses to stay put. tries to escape many times, until he finally does. 

and when he does, yut-lung says that he’s just decided that he will be ash’s enemy, for as long as eiji is his only weak point. this is just a thinly-veiled attempt to make eiji leave ash, because eiji’s presence threatens yut-lung’s entire delicately-balanced view of himself. 

so yut-lung’s plan to get blanca to blackmail ash via eiji? meant to prove that eiji is nothing more than a weakness. really, he has no need to force ash back to golzine--he’s gotten his revenge, he could have done it without golzine’s involvement, he didn’t have to do this--but to him, it’s necessary to prove that he was right all along, that eiji is ash’s weakness and not an asset, that having eiji around was a detriment and he was right.

because if he’s wrong, it means he could have been healing, could have been loved, could have been less alone... and he wasn’t.

so yut-lung decides that ash has to fall back into hell in order to make himself feel secure in his own previously-established patterns of thought. unfortunately for him, eiji brings people together--as eiji is wont to do, like yut-lung said in ep14--to rescue ash, and turns everything on its head again.

this is why he goes to the museum to attempt to dupe golzine. it’s not really about ash. it’s about his view of himself, and the threat to that that eiji poses.

eiji is the real antagonist to yut-lung’s protagonist. ash is someone he puts on a pedestal and sees as a mirror of himself, and while ash is important to his story, eiji is the one who primarily acts in contention to yut-lung. he’s the one who thwarts so many of yut-lung’s plans, who tells him he’s wrong, who tries to stand in his way. 

overall, the main villain in yut-lung’s story is his own trauma. he developed many irrational thought patterns as ways to cope with what happened to him while he dealt with it alone, and wound up projecting them onto ash and eiji’s relationship (honestly, in a way blanca did as well, but that’s an essay for another day). however, within the bounds of that projection, eiji shows much more active opposition to him than ash.