#like when I’m in elementary school you didn’t need a phone

[56thingsinaname]

I mean I’m a bit young but same

we were the liminal kids. alive before the internet, just long enough we remember when things really were different.

when i work in preschools, the hand signal kids make for phone is a flat palm, their fingers like brackets. i still make the pinky-and-thumb octave stretch when i "pick up" to respond to them.

the symbol to save a file is a floppy disc. the other day while cleaning out my parents' house, i found a collection of over a hundred CDs, my mom's handwriting on each of them. first day of kindergarten. playlist for beach trip '94. i don't have a device that can play any of these anymore - none of my electronics are compatible. there are pieces of my childhood buried under these, and i cannot access them. but they do exist, which feels special.

my siblings and i recently spent hours digitizing our family's photos as a present for my mom's birthday. there's a year where the pictures just. stop. cameras on phones got to be too good. it didn't make sense to keep getting them developed. and there are a quite a few years that are lost to us. when we were younger, mementos were lost to floods. and again, while i was in middle school, google drive wasn't "a thing". somewhere out there, there are lost memories on dead laptops. which is to say - i lost it to the flood twice, kind of.

when i teach undergrad, i always feel kind of slapped-in-the-face. they're over 18, and they don't remember a classroom without laptops. i remember when my school put in the first smartboard, and how it was a huge privilege. i used the word walkman once, and had to explain myself. we are only separated by a decade. it feels like we are separated by so much more than that.

and something about ... being half-in half-out of the world after. it marks you. i don't know why. but "real adults" see us as lost children, even though many of us are old enough to have a mortgage. my little sister grew up with more access to the internet than i did - and she's only got 4 years of difference. i know how to write cursive, and i actually think it's good practice for kids to learn too - it helps their motor development. but i also know they have to be able to touch-type way faster than was ever required from me.

in between, i guess. i still like to hand-write most things, even though typing is way faster and more accessible for me. i still wear a pj shirt from when i was like 18. i don't really understand how to operate my parents' smart tv. the other day when i got seriously injured, i used hey siri to call my brother. but if you asked me - honestly, i prefer calling to texting. a life in anachronisms. in being a little out-of-phase. never quite in synchronicity.

[schemmentisbaby]

@janeyseymour I KEEP MY PROMISES

Emergency Contact

Okay so, I was inspired by the episode where Mel falls, and honestly I just know if she had a wife, Barbara would’ve called her SO FAST. So this was born.

Enjoy.

You grin as you stare at your phone, caller id clearly reading ‘Abbott Elementary.’

“Mel, if you forgot to charge your phone again, we need to just get an extra charger to leave at the school.” You tease as you shut the door behind you.

“Hi, is this y/n?” Your smile drops at the unfamiliar voice and you stop in your tracks

“This is she.” Your words are tentative, voice shaky as you continue “can I help you?”

“Hi this is Janine Teagues from Abbott Elementary, I have it down here that you’re Melissa Schemmenti’s emergency contact?”

“Yes, that’s right.” You shake your head as you continue walking to your car.

“Well, I’m sorry to bother you, but there’s been an accident, can you come to the school?”

Your heart stops as you take in her words.

Melissa’s been in an accident? What happened, and why is your wife not calling you herself?

“I’ll be there in 15.” You spit the words out and hang up the phone, not willing to waste any more time on pleasantries when Melissa’s hurt.

You make the drive in silence, eyes focusing on the road, as you try to calm your racing heart.

Your tires squeal as you turn into the Abbott Elementary parking lot, haphazardly parking before running into the school.

“Whoa- where ya going?” A tall woman stops you as she steps out of the office off to the side of the area that bypasses the locked doors.

“Uh hi. I got a call from Janine Teagues stating that uh Melissa Schemmenti was in an accident?” The words are rushed, coming out at the same speed at which the thoughts are racing through your head.

“Janine called you? Damn, you must be the emergency contact.”

“Yes.”

“Alright then, I’m principal Coleman, I believe Melissa’s in the nurses office, you ever been here before?”

“I’ve helped Mel set up her room a few times, nurse’s office is right before the library isn’t it?”

“You got that right. Need an escort?” She says with a wink as she hands you a visitors pass.

“Nope I got it.” The words are barely out of your mouth before you take off in a sprint down the hallway.

You fly past the library, and rush into the little area that acts as a makeshift waiting room for the nurses office.

“Did you have to sprint in heels?”

At the sound of your wife’s voice, you stop.

“You’re okay?” Your voice is tentative, and you can’t help but hold your breath.

“Ankle hurts like a bitch, but I’m okay. Jesus, hon you look like you’ve seen a ghost, you good?”

“Am I good? Melissa Ann Caterina Schemmenti… Why on earth did your coworker call me and say nothing except for needing your emergency contact.”

“Janine called you?” Your wife’s voice is sharp and you shoot her a glare.

“Yes she did. But why didn’t you?” You sit next to her on the small cot and rub your face. “Jesus Mel, that was like the call I got when Dad died. It scared the fuck out of me.”

“Watch your mouth babe, you’re still in an elementary school.”

“Melissa.” The way you say her name lets her know that she’s got to explain quickly or she’s in trouble.

“Okay- I may have fallen this morning. It was nothing really, just bruised my ankle and aggravated my back, but I promise I’m fine.”

“What were you doing when you fell?”

“Walking. I tripped over some rock on the sidewalk, but it’s okay I didn’t even spill my coffee.”

“Mel… you’re injured and the only thing you care about is your coffee?”

“Hey! My wife made me that coffee.” She teases before nudging your shoulder with hers.

“WIFE?!”

The shout that could’ve only come from Janine makes you both jump.

“Jesus kid, what the hell?”

“You have a wife?”

Janine’s shout must’ve carried down the hall as three more people come rushing in behind her.

Melissa presses her fingers to her temple and sighs as she looks at you.

“Yes. I have a wife. Did you have to announce it like you were Jim Gardner!?”

“You never told us you had a wife?!? You told us you were married, but to a woman?!”

“You thought I had a husband?”

You laugh at the confusion in your wife’s voice.

Janine nods enthusiastically, hands flying with the speed of her voice.

“Well, yeah. You never said wife, just always said ‘spouse’ or ‘better half’- I just assumed they were a man-“

“Kid- I tried men, it didn’t stick.” Melissa interrupts while shaking her head “anyway-, I never hid anything. You didn’t ask.”

“Wait- are you saying, you’re like… a lesbian?”

“Jesus Christ Jacob, what tipped you off? Was it the wife?” Melissa replies dryly.

Before he can respond, Barbara, your wife’s best friend steps in the room.

“Melissa’s personal life is her own, she’s under no obligation to share. However, how are you y/n?” She says to you with a smile.

You smile warmly at Barbara, thankful to see at least one face you recognized.

“I’m alright now that I know this one’s alright. It’s good to see you again, Barb.”

“Wait?!? You knew?!” Janine exclaims.

“Of course I knew, I was at the wedding.”

Silence fills the small room, the weight of Barbara’s confession settling over the group. Janine stares in open mouthed as she processes this new revelation.

“You were at the wedding?” She finally sputters out, voice tinged with disbelief.

Barbara raises a perfectly arched eyebrow.

“Janine, I choose not to gossip about coworkers, but yes I was at Melissa’s wedding. Her wife is a lovely woman and I have been honored to call them both my friends for the many years we have known each other.”

Melissa snorts from her spot on the cot, shaking her head.

“Lovely, huh? You haven’t heard her curse at the tv during an Eagles game.”

“Baby, that was a shitty call and you know it!”

You cross your arms, but smile softly, your anger and adrenaline melting away at the sight of Melissa’s smirk.

Jacob clears his throat, looking between the two of you.

“Well, I for one, think this is wonderful. These kids deserve representation, and it’s important for them to know that love comes in all forms. This is the stuff we should teach in classrooms.”

Melissa shoots an award winning glare at the young man “Jacob, you make me a poster and you’ll meet Edith Houghton.”

“Got it! No poster.”

Barbara sighs before giving Jacob a pointed look.

“Perhaps we should let y/n get Melissa home before you turn lunch into a sociology seminar.”

“Right! Sorry, Janine we should go. Melissa, rest well, let that wife of yours get you to a doctor.” Jacob leaves the room, pulling Janine with him

As soon as they leave, Melissa lets her head fall onto your shoulder and you kiss the top of her head softly as she groans

“Everyone will know by dismissal.”

“I know how you are about your personal life, but it’s good they know. They’ll forget about it eventually.”

“Too bad eventually isn’t now.”

“Like you won’t love bringing her to game night. Seriously though, y/n, I am glad you could come. Melissa did not want to call you herself.”

“Is that so?”

You turn to look at your wife, who is staring at the ground to avoid your gaze.

“Okay- I didn’t want to worry you. It’s just a bruised ankle and a stiff back. A few days of rest and I’ll be back to normal.”

You tilt your head, glaring at your wife.

“You’ll go to a doctor first to verify that. Also, you didn’t want to worry me? Mel, a stranger called me. And Janine at that. Had you just called me yourself, I would’ve panicked less.”

Melissa softens as she takes your hand.

“I’m sorry, hon. I should’ve called you myself. I love you, and I just didn’t want you worried.”

“I love you too, but I knew what I signed up for when I married you. Or did you forget who drove you to court when you threw corn at Ben Simmons?

“Y/n, why don’t you get her home? I’ll get Ava to watch over her class for the rest of the day.” Barb says as she leaves the room.

“Thanks, see you at dinner on Sunday.” You shoot the teacher a grin as you help your wife stand up.

“So… a rock?”

“It was a big rock.” Melissa insists, cheeks pink.

“Sure it was.” You shake your head, grabbing your bags. “Let’s go, tough guy.”

[hysteria-things]

I KNOW REQUESTS R CLOSED BUT ONE DAY U SHOULD MAKE A MATT ANGST

DOUBTS

𝐃𝐈𝐋𝐅!𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: dilf!matt x babysitter!reader

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: when a huge inconvenience happens, matt doubts himself as a father.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: ANGST/FLUFF, swearing

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1,075

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: i’m not really good at angst and this feels rushed but i hope you like it😔

(dilf!matt au originally by @luvs4matt)

matt curses and slams his fingertips against his keyboard as he types, frustrated by everything that consists of his job. his boss, his coworkers, the work itself… he’s pissed. at this point he doesn’t know what he’s mad at anymore, but he just is.

you went home after dropping evelyn at school this morning, and matt told you not to worry about picking her up since he’s working from home today. his day consisted of meetings and phone calls that he’d rather die than do, and as if on queue, his phone started to ring. “jesus fucking christ.” he grumbles, swiping the answer button without looking at who it is. “hello?”

“hi, is this matthew sturniolo? evelyn’s dad?” the lady on the other line says with cheerfulness yet concern.

his eyebrows furrow, and he stops working completely to lean back in his office chair. he recognizes the voice as his daughter’s teacher, but she never calls him. evelyn does fantastic in school, and his blood feels cold when he starts to worry. “yeah, that’s me. is everything okay?”

“yes, yes, everything’s fine!” the woman reassures. “it’s just that…” she clears her throat like she’s nervous to spit it out. “nobody came to pick up evelyn today, and i was wondering if anybody is on the way.”

matt’s face falls, the silence deafening when the teacher waits patiently for a response. he glances over at the time, seeing that it’s 3:32. school got out a little over thirty minutes ago.

shit… shit.

being caught up in work all day made time fly by, and he didn’t bother to look at the clock at all. he has a deadline due at 4:00, and he won’t get it done in time if he goes to pick up ev.

fuck!

“mr. sturniolo?” the silence is broken after three slow minutes. “are you still there?”

“i’ll send her babysitter over.” he says gruffly. “she’ll be there soon.” before she can respond, matt hangs up and taps on your contact.

Y/N

I need you.

hello to you too

No, not like that.

I need you to pick Evelyn up from school.

matt

school ended almost forty minutes ago

You think I don’t know that?

I was so busy with work I lost track of time and I can’t pick her up now.

Please, y/n.

I’ll give you the money for it.

i don’t care about the money

i’m getting in my car now

Thank you.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ❦ ⋆⁺₊⋆

when you arrive at the main doors of the elementary school, you smile at evelyn’s beaming face when she sees you. “y/n!” her backpack is as big as her, bouncing when she runs into your arms for a tight embrace. you take her hand and wave her teacher goodbye while you start walking to the car.

the ride back to the house is not even ten minutes, and you get a glimpse of matt sitting on the porch steps when you pull into the driveway. his hands are on his face, gripping his hair in stress. “i see daddy!” evelyn exclaims excitedly, unbuckling the top half of the car seat as she wiggles.

you giggle, putting the car in park. “let me stop moving, first.”

matt flinches, getting out of his trance when he feels tiny hands grab onto his knee. he lifts his head, the corner of his mouth lifting when he sees evelyn grunting as she tries to get on his lap. he helps her up, cradling the five-year-old in his arms as you approach. you drop her school bag on the ground, sitting next to matt, but keeping a distance.

he runs his fingers through his daughter’s brown curls before speaking. “have a good day today?”

“we colored a lot.” she nods along, swinging her legs. “mrs. quinn says i have a way with color.”

you can tell his mind is racing from his clenched jaw and bobbing of his adam’s apple as he swallows, staring down at evelyn to try and not show how upset he is in front of her. you see some chalk laid out by your vehicle. “hey, ev?” you grin when she looks at you, leaning your head to the bucket of chalk. “since you’re so good at drawing, why don’t you make a picture for me before i leave?”

it takes her a second to notice the chalk from afar, but then she hops down on the ground. “i’m going to make you a princess.” she states, jogging over to the sticks of rainbow shades.

matt beats you to it when she’s out of earshot, staring into space. “i’m a terrible father.”

“you’re not,” you say sternly, his sentence not fully out when you do.

your heart cracks at his words, and you look at him with sympathy. he’s knocking himself down over something so silly, but you can see how hurt he is even through his grumpy demeanor.

“i left my kid at school for almost an hour, y/n.” he argues back with some attitude, but you don’t take it personally. “no good parent does that.”

“it was one time.” you retort, moving closer to him a smidge. “don’t doubt yourself over something small like this. she was bubbly as hell when i grabbed her, and i honestly think she didn’t realize how long she was waiting. she was too distracted mingling with mrs. quinn.”

grumbling something under his breath, he looks over to evelyn who’s happily drawing all sorts of shapes and patterns onto the pavement. “look at that little girl over there and tell me she thinks the same.” you challenge, pointing at her.

he rolls his eyes at you, deep down knowing that you’re right. he’ll never admit it to your face, though. you then grab the unicorn backpack off the floor, unzipping it and reaching inside for something. “she explained the whole ride home about how she made this for you during her free time.” you pull out a piece of paper, unfold it, and hand it to him.

looking down, he runs his thumbs over the scribbled colors and rereads the message at least five times. you scan his face, seeing his eyes glossy and his lip gently quiver. it looks like he’s about to cry, but he doesn’t.

she does have a way with color.

“you consist of a lot of things, matt.” your voice cracks, subtly rubbing his lower back. “but being a bad father isn’t one of them.”

𝐭𝐚𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭!

@bunbunbl0gs @lexisecretaccx @thy-mission @angelic-sturniolos111 @sophssturn @moncherriis @janiellasblog @blahbel668 @meg-sturniolo @mattslolita @sturnbaby @mattgirl4lyfe @tillies33ssss @sturnifyed @raysmayhem-72 @ripmattitude @p1xieswrld @alorsxsturn @multiluvr @delilahprentiss @tworosesblackthorn @gnxosblog @junnniiieee07 @flowerxbunnie @imaslut4kehlani @sturniolosandmoree @hearrtsturns @freshsturns @etershine @sukiipjs @h3arts4harry @sturnioloblogs @creamoncreamoncream2 @ivyyyyyysposts @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 @mbsbaby @mattsdollie @thesturniolos @nononopenono1 @bitchydragonparadise @hrt-attack @dwntwn-strnlo @venusbabysblog @meerkatzthings @bernardsbendystraws @hoes4matthew @sturnsmadl @starz4star

[traveler-at-heart]

Doctor's In - Part 10

Summary: As you grow closer to Natasha and struggle with your family past, Wanda begins to doubt your relationship.

A/N: Aaah, I think this is very long. I threw in some fluff as an apology. But remember, not everything is black and white. Also, don't hate me, I just like where this is going.

------

Natasha: You missed the inferior venacava

Y/N: Come on, it’s elementary school. Not like the teacher’s gonna notice.

Natasha: Fine, but you’re getting a B- from me.

Y/N: Professor Romanoff, you’re too strict.

As the kids enter the dining room, you put your phone down.

“Where’s Mom?” you ask them, and they turn to look at each other.

“She was arguing with uncle Pietro”

“I’m sure it’s fine” you say, placing the food in front of them. “Let’s eat and practise your presentation for Biology”

“Ok” Billy agrees.

For a little while, everything seems normal until Wanda walks in, looking ready to kill someone.

“It’s absolutely useless speaking to him” she says, walking past you and into the kitchen. You follow her, leaning against the wall.

“What’s wrong?”

“He wants to go back to snowboarding. Risking his life for what? Some likes on instagram and sponsorships? You almost died trying to save him and here I am busting my ass cleaning after him. And he wants to die”

“Why don’t I talk to him? You try to calm down and eat something. The kids were worried about you”

“I’m not hungry” she shakes her head, but accepts your hug, leaning her head against your shoulder.

“Just try, for me?”

“Ok” she nods, kissing your cheek. You smile, and take your dinner out in the backyard, where Pietro is throwing a ball for Sparky.

“My answer’s still no” he says when you drag a chair and sit next to him.

“I didn’t say anything” you shrug your shoulders, offering Sparky a piece of your chicken. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m not quitting sports”

“Ok, that’s fine.”

“It’s gonna be fine. What happened that day was a freak accident. Lighting doesn’t strike twice”

“I mean, I guess. Except it absolutely can happen again. Listen, if this is your life calling and everything, I get it. Just try to understand your sister. What would you feel like if the roles were reversed? If she got seriously hurt”

“What would you do if you couldn’t perform surgery again?”

“I’d go insane” you admit. “I’m not telling you to quit. I’m just telling you to understand Wanda’s point of view. Plus, you still need to start physical therapy.”

You sit in silence for a while, eating and looking at the sky.

“I’m hungry” Pietro admits, and you laugh.

“Come on, let’s get you some food”

As Wanda prepares his dinner, you take the kids upstairs. They ask you a couple of questions about the model of the heart you helped them build with clay until they’re both yawning.

“Sleep now, boys” you close the door, watching with a smile as they’re already snoring.

Wanda is still cleaning the kitchen when you join her, and she smiles at you.

“Thank you. He’s being less stubborn now. Wants to start therapy next week”

“My pleasure. I’ll finish cleaning, go to bed” you say, kissing her temple. She squeezes your arm in thanks, but turns around as she remembers.

“Could you take out the trash?”

“Huh? Yes. I’ll do it, no worries” you answer absentmindedly, looking at your phone.

You spend a lot of time on your phone lately, Wanda thinks.

After cleaning up, you sit and practise for your own test tomorrow. Natasha told you they’ll begin to implement her mother’s technique at the hospital and you want to scrub in.

For that, you need a bunch of grapes and a sowing kit. Everytime you finish a set of stitches, you send a picture to Nat and wait for her feedback.

Nat: That one’s perfect.

You smile at that, proud of your work. You’re so busy texting back that you don’t hear Wanda come in.

“Did you take out the trash?”

“Oh, crap. Let me do that right now” you put your phone down and remove your gloves.

“Who are you talking to?”

“What?”

“I’ve been waiting for an hour for you to come to bed, and it seems like you’d rather be texting. Is it her?” Wanda says, clearly upset.

“Wanda, come on. I was practising to scrub in this week. It would be a pretty big deal if they pick me to be in the surgery”

“Please, it’s so obvious that woman will let you in just because she has a thing for you” Wanda scoffs.

“Oh, so you’re saying I can’t get in because of my skills?”

“That’s not even… you know what? Don’t come to bed”

“What?” you turn to look at her, frowning.

“You can sleep on the couch” she says, leaving the kitchen without looking back at you.

Un-fucking-believable.

Fine, whatever. You’ll sleep on the fucking couch.

You clean up your mess and finally take out the trash, going to your car for a cigarrette and a lighter.

As you sit in the porch, another text comes from Natasha.

You decide it’s faster to call her.

“Isn’t it past your bedtime?” she jokes.

“Nah, I was kicked out of the bedroom”

“What did you do?” Natasha asks, clearly amused.

“Why do you assume it was me who did something?” you want to sound offended, but after a beat of silence, you admit the truth. Or part of it. “I forgot to take out the trash”

“That’s not so bad”

“I guess not. But whatever, I’ll manage for tonight. Got a doble shift ahead of me tomorrow”

“Sorry, if I was there I’d be more than happy to take you in” she says in a low voice and you don’t know exactly what to say to that.

“When do you get here, by the way?”

“My flight lands at seven thirty”

“Want me to pick you up? We can have breakfast and then go to the hospital” you offer, feeling better at the prospect of having plans to catch up with Natasha.

“I wouldn’t want to trouble you”

“Not at all, I’m happy to play the part of private driver”

“Will you hold a sign with my name like they do in the movies?”

“I’ll try” you laugh, looking behind you. “Alright, I’ll go get some sleep. Night, Nat”

“Night, Y/N”

Pulling out a blanket and a cushion, you lay down, sighing and trying to get comfortable. A few minutes later, you can hear Wanda going out of her study, and you stay still, hoping she won’t come looking for you.

Truth is, you don’t want to talk to her right now either.

Not after she kicked you out of the room for something so insignificant.

So, you close your eyes and try to let go of the hurt.

Tomorrow will be better.

—

Next morning, you get up at break of dawn to get changed and pack your bag for the next 48 hours. Honestly? You’re happy to be at the hospital for two days.

“Want some breakfast before you leave?” Wanda offers when you walk in to get changed, and by the looks of it, she didn’t get much sleep last night.

“I’m fine” is all you say, looking for your scrubs and your phone charger.

“Y/N” she calls as you’re about to leave. You turn to look at her reluctantly, eager to just walk out of the room. “Have a nice day”

“You too” you say, without any emotion, going down the stairs and straight to your car.

The ride to the airport lets you clear your head, and you feel a lot more relaxed when you go down to wait for Natasha.

It’s not long before you spot her, walking out and looking flawless.

“My apologies in advance” is all she says as you approach her, and you look confused.

“What do you mean?”

“Natalia, wait for me! You’re always in such a hurry” a blonde woman, younger and shorter than Natasha comes right behind her, carrying three very big suitcases. “Are you our Uber?”

“Yelena!” Natasha scolds, switching to Russian. “I’m sorry, my sister has no manners”

“Hey, no worries, it’s not the first time I’ve had siblings fighting in a foreign language” you smile, introducing yourself to Yelena.

“Nice to meet you. Thank you for picking us up”

“Are you staying for the whole month?” you comment, struggling with Yelena’s bags.

“Yes, my mother arranged for me to spend some time learning at Stark’s Hospital. I want to be a Trauma surgeon and Natasha said they have the best one she’s ever met”

“Did she say that now?” you laugh, as Natasha blushes and gets inside the car.

“Why? Do you know them?” Yelena sits on the back seat, unlocking her phone to find the address of her new place.

“Yeah, they’re ok I guess” you joke, making Natasha roll her eyes.

“It’s Y/N, you dumbass” Natasha clarifies, which makes Yelena groan and curse in Russian.

“Hey! That means bitch” you recognise it.

“How do you know it?” Yelena asks.

“My girlfriend and her brother are always saying it to each other. Living together has regressed them to their teenage years” you lament, trying not to think about them.

Yelena is restless in the backseat, asking you to change the music until you give up and hand over your phone so she can play whatever she likes.

“Have any siblings?” Natasha says, massaging her temples.

“Two half siblings but I don’t really speak to them”

“Lucky”

“Natalia, that is so rude” Yelena mutters, singing along to American Pie. “I’m hungry, can we get food before going to the apartment?”

“We’re having breakfast and then going to the hospital. That’s what grown ups do, they work even if they had to fly in the middle of the night”

“Fiiiine”

As you park, Yelena jumps out, because she wants to sit on the second floor with a view to the promenade. You wait for Natasha, and walk inside with her to the restaurant.

“So, I take it I have a new student?”

“I’m so sorry. Fury was supposed to ask you first but she’s just so damn impulsive. Please don’t feel like you have to help her in any way”

“It’s fine. I’m guessing your mother’s behind it? I don’t want you to get in any trouble. And Kate could use some friendly competition”

“I really appreciate it” Natasha smiles, and you both sit while Yelena looks out the balcony, taking pictures of the sunrise.

Yelena asks you questions about your background and work experience. You think it’s just curiosity as she’s starting her residency soon, but Natasha can tell Yelena is doing a job interview in her own sneaky way. She’s always so outgoing and charming that people have a hard time believing she can be a little shit.

“Have you ever been to Boston?” the younger woman asks and you shrug your shoulders.

“No, never been”

“You’d love it, it’s so pretty, and our hospital has one of the best Trauma centers in the country. Of course, the issue is finding the right person to run it, right Natasha?”

“I guess”

“Oh, I didn’t know you had an opening” you comment for the sake of conversation.

“Well, yes, actually. Didn’t Natasha tell you? We’re actively looking for someone” Yelena says as if it’s such a big coincidence. “You wouldn’t happen to be interested in it?”

“Sorry to say, my girlfriend would not want to move to Boston. But if I know of someone I’ll send them your way. Who was your former head of department?”

“Rumlow. You know him?” Natasha says, wishing she didn’t. He was a pretentious ass.

“Yeah, he’s an asshole. We studied together and only one of us got to go to work at John Hopkins. Spoiler alert, it wasn’t him” you brag, making Natasha smile.

“Tell me more about your girlfriend” Yelena asks, which makes Natasha flinch.

“Don’t”

“I’m just being polite” she lies, and you have a feeling it is better to change the subject. So, you ask for the check, paying for the three of you and then driving to the hospital.

“I have to get ready for the next session. Behave” Natasha says, and then turns to you. “If she’s being bad, you have my authorization to kick her ass”

“Duly noted” you wink at Nat, walking towards the ER, where Kate is already waiting with some charts for your rounds. “Morning, Doctor Bishop. This is Doctor Romanoff…”

“Belova. I go by Belova” Yelena corrects you and you nod.

“Oh, that will make it less confusing. She’s gonna be working with us for a bit. If you could teach her some of the basics of our ER I’d appreciate it”

“Oh… ok” Kate looks between you two, and then walks behind you. “Sorry, am I getting kicked out as your resident? Did I do something wrong?”

“Not at all. Yelena is here to learn, as are you. There’s enough to do for everyone, right?”

You keep an eye on their interactions, noticing how Kate is a lot more uptight in the  way she keeps the ER than Yelena. The blonde moves around the hospital like she’s been there her entire life and it doesn’t come off as pretentious, but as second nature. Her mother probably always dragged her daughters along while she worked.

But, by the time there’s an ambulance coming along, you see her go into professional mode, talking to the paramedics.

“Male, forties. Fell off a ladder, was conscious but had a seizure and BP dropped” Drax says, and you move the patient to a gurney.

“Bishop? Belova?” you question them as the patient has another seizure.

“I’d administer lorazepam and rule out skull fraction and hemorrhage” Yelena says, and you nod.

“Very well. He’s your patient now” you nod. “Once you get the results, page me and Neuro”

Kate looks a little hurt at that, and you sigh, watching as Yelena stabilizes the man and coordinates with Barnes.

“She’s just here for a little while. And you need to be on your toes. ER is all about speed, Kate. Don’t sweat it”

“Yes, Doctor Y/L/N”

You pat her shoulder, going to check Natasha’s class. It’s already started and you know the exercises as she gave you an overview before anyone else. So you lean on the door, watching as everyone practises the sutures.

“Care to join us?” Natasha says and you shrug your shoulders.

“I’m on duty. Looks like your sister got her first surgery”

“So soon? Who did she piss off to get it?”

“Just my resident. That’s ok, though, I’m sure next surgery will be Kate’s” you look at Darcy, giving her an excited thumbs up when she shows you her sutures.

“Speaking of which, Fury has told me he wants Bishop and your friend Lewis in the first surgery” Natasha says and you nod, trying to hide your disappointment. “I’m really sorry, I wanted it to be you, but he’s doing us a favor with Yelena and we have to give something in return”

“I get it. There’s always a next one, right? Plus, I’m happy for Darcy, she’s an excellent surgeon and I’m sure she’ll do great” you smile at your friend. In that moment, your pager goes off and you sigh. “Gotta get back to it. See you around, Nat”

“Wait” she leaves the skills lab, following you into the hallway. Her hand rests on your wrist and you turn around.

“What’s wrong?” you say when you catch the frown on her face.

“I’m sorry, for giving you extra work with Yelena. I didn’t think… I was just saying you’re a great surgeon. If I had known my mother would do this I…”

“Nat, come on” you squeeze her hand, stepping closer. “It’s no bother at all. I’m happy to teach her whatever I can until your mother finds someone else back in Boston”

“You’re too kind. I might owe you a nice dinner after all of this” she smiles, noticing you haven’t let go of her hand.

“I’ll hold you to that” without thinking, your hand travels to her elbow and you give her a light squeeze. “I really have to go now” you say when you’re paged again. “Good luck with the surgery tomorrow”

“Thanks”

You smile back at her as you leave for the ER, finding Kate in the middle of chaos, with an accident involving three people.

“See? You got yourself at least two surgeries” you smile at her, overseeing the work. Kamala is already there, helping Kate with everything she needs.

“Heard there’s someone new” she whispers to the brunette as they stabilize a patient.

“Yeah, she’s the youngest Romanoff. I’m now competing with medical royalty for the best cases” Kate huffs, but shuts up when she catches you staring.

“She could be the Princess of Genovia and I’d still make her work for it, Bishop”

“What’s Genovia?” Kamala asks, confused.

“You’re so young” you sigh, feeling like the crypt keeper all of a sudden. “Take them to imaging and page me when you speak to Carol. I have to check on Yelena”

When you scrub in, you find that Yelena has made her way next to Tony, pushing Peter to the back of the room. It seems like she has a real talent for getting what she wants without most people noticing.

“Doctor Y/L/N, nice of you to join us. I thought you’d be with the rest of sycophants at Romanoff’s masterclass” Tony greets you bitterly.

“Doctor Stark” you try to tell him that another Romanoff is holding the suction tube, but he keeps ranting.

“Honestly, I can’t wait for this stupid training to be over. We have to pretend that we’re impressed by this, really? Stark Hospital is one of the top teaching hospitals in the continent. I’ve had applications from Yemen to study with me. I think it’s time we show the Romanoffs what it looks like to be at the forefront of innovation”

“Tony, I really don’t think we should…”

“Ugh, I get it. Natasha is your type. Redhead, green eyes, you have a crush. But honestly, I’ve known her for so long and I can tell you, she can be real phony”

“Honestly, Tony, just shut your mouth” you plead, mortified at everything Yelena just heard.

The blonde looks at you, but she seems amused.

“I agree with Doctor Stark” she says. “Natasha can be annoying. But then again, she’s my sister”

You could hear a pin drop after those words. Tony looks at you and you shrug your shoulders. It’s not like you didn’t try to warn him.

“More suction, please” is all he says, and Yelena leans forward.

“Is that ok, Doctor Stark?”

“Yeah. Peachy”

—

48 hours and six surgeries later, you feel completely beaten and ready to pass out.

The worst part is that you don’t even know if you’re gonna get some decent sleep when you get back home. Wanda texted you a couple of times, and you tried really hard to act normal, but all you want is an apology for the way she acted.

Unfortunately for those who knew you, you had a tendency to hold a grudge beyond reason.

So, you’re once again stalling, smoking outside the hospital when Natasha pulls over.

“Hey” she smiles and you wave. “Didn’t know you smoked”

“Only after a hard shift. Want one?”

“I quit last year” she shakes her head, sitting next to you.

“Congratulations. I quit every year” you joke. “Heard the first procedure went great”

“Yeah, there was a great deal of enthusiasm. Made me less reluctant to be here. And I promise you’ll be on the next surgery”

“It’s ok, I’m happy to wait for my turn. Good things come to those who wait”

“Speaking of which, what are you waiting for to go home?”

“I don’t know” you shrug your shoulders. “I just wanted a moment to chill before going back to reality, ya know?”

“If for some reason you end up on the couch again, I have a spare bed in the apartment” she offers and you laugh.

“Thank you, Nat” you watch as Yelena finally goes out to meet her sister. “Have a good night, you two”

“Bye, Y/N. Thank you for a great first shift!” Yelena says, excited. She was working as much as you did and for some reason she’s not looking disheveled or exhausted.

To be fair, you’ve been doing this for more years than her.

By the time you get home, all of the lights are out except the one on the porch. Thinking it might be better to stay downstairs, you drop your bag and plop down on the couch, like you used to do when you were living alone and came back completely spent from grueling shifts.

After a few minutes you hear someone walking down the stairs.

“Y/N?” Wanda calls and you sigh.

“Hey”

“I thought I heard you come in”

“Yeah, sorry” you sit up, rubbing your eyes. “It’s pretty late and I didn’t want to wake you up. Go back to sleep”

“Did you eat something?” Wanda ignores your suggestion to go back upstairs, sitting on the edge of the couch.

“Nah, I’m exhausted. Maybe tomorrow. Sleep is all I want now” you sink your face in the cushion, hoping that’s the end of the conversation.

“Come to bed” Wanda asks softly, her hand pushing a strand of hair out of your face.

“You sure?”

“Yes. I can’t sleep without you” she admits in a low voice and you smile.

“Ok, then. Let’s go to bed” you stand up, allowing Wanda to lead you to your room, smiling when she settles next to you.

You’re practically asleep by the time your head hits the pillow, and Wanda admires your sleeping form, wishing she could know what’s going on with you.

“I love you” she whispers against your forehead as she places a small kiss there.

She wonders if that’s enough to get through this rough patch.

—

Hunger is what wakes you up. If your stomach wasn’t protesting the lack of food, you’d stay in bed for the next eight hours.

“Hey, you’re up” Wanda greets you when you walk in the kitchen.

“I’m starving” you say, going through the fridge and hoping Pietro didn’t eat everything again.

“Want me to make you something?”

“That’s ok. I’ll get some cereal” you reject her offer, though you are dying for some of her pancakes.

There’s a beat of silence as you start eating, and then Wanda interrupts it.

“Did you get to scrub in on that big surgery?”

“Nope. Guess Natasha doesn’t like me that much, huh?” you try to joke, but it comes off as bitter.

“So, we’re doing this” Wanda sighs, standing in front of you. You keep eating, looking down at your plate.

“Doing what, exactly?”

“Arguing over her”

“I’m not arguing. There’s nothing to argue about. I’m just mad and hurt because you made me sleep on the couch before a 48 hour shift over forgetting to take out the trash” you say, crossing your arms. Now you’re not even hungry.

“It’s not about the trash. It’s about how you’re constantly on your phone, or spend more hours in the hospital and how you walk  out of a freaking room with her” Wanda says, raising her voice.

“Wanda, she knows I’m with you. We barely talk about personal shit. Hell, I don’t even know if she likes women!”

“She likes you, and that’s enough for me to hate her and this whole situation”

“I have never, ever, given you a reason to doubt me or my committment to this family. I can’t control if she likes me, but what I can control is my own actions. And Wanda, I would never cheat on you. It’s not who I am” you insist. “This is the last time I will defend myself over this subject. You need to figure out if you can get over it or not, because it’s getting exhausting”

She looks at you, and you stand up, washing your dishes. As you’re about to leave the kitchen, Wanda calls for you. You’re surprised to feel her clinging to you, her hands around your shoulders.

“I’m sorry” she says against your neck. “You know how he lied to me. I guess I’m afraid it will happen again. But you’re right, you’re not him. I’m sorry, please, Y/N”

Her voice quivers as she keeps pleading and all of your defenses drop instantly. You turn around, hugging Wanda tight against your body.

“I’m here. I want to be here. I love you and the boys and this is the life I want. Don’t forget that”

“I know. I love you”

You give her a sad smile when you break apart, watching as tears roll down her cheeks.

“Maybe we could… let’s go out tonight. Have a date for ourselves. I’ll ask Laura to take the kids for the night or find a babysitter. I just want to be with you” she asks, leaning her forehead against yours.

“I’m down to whatever it is you want to do” you promise, kissing her nose. “So, we’re good?”

“Yes, detka. We’re good”

And for a moment, you truly believe this will be the end of it.

—

“Where are you going?” Billy follows you, while Tommy stays glued to his mother.

“Ask your Mom, bubs” you say, looking over at Wanda.

“We’re going to the ballet. Would you like to join us?”

“No” they both say, running out of the room.

“Are we really going to the ballet?” you say, trying to not sound disappointed. It’s not like you don’t want some time alone with Wanda, but you’re still pretty tired and if you sit in a theater for two hours you might end up asleep.

“Of course not. But I’m not telling you just yet” Wanda kisses your cheek, taking your hand so you both go down the stairs.

“Have fun tonight” Pietro waves goodbye, Morgan and the children busy with a videogame.

“Kids, come say bye to us” Wanda asks and the twins run to your arms.

“Love you. And you” you say, blowing a raspberry on Billy’s cheeks and then tickling Tommy.

“Love you too” they reply, giggling.

“Love you three” Wanda smiles, kissing them before taking your hand.

“So, when are you telling me… you’re kidding” you say when Wanda hands you a piece of fabric to cover your eyes. You scoff, but tie it, and lean in the seat of the car. “How did you know that my perfect date is to be kidnapped by a beautiful woman?”

“Well, you did tell me you like to be tied up” she jokes and you squirm in your seat. “Maybe some other time we’ll try that”

“Tease”

You try to picture the road Wanda is taking but after ten minutes you give up, leaning back and humming along to the beat of the music playing in the stereo. Thankfully it’s your Beatles playlist, as your father always made you listen to them.

“If I fell in love with you, would you promise to be true, and help me understand, cos I’ve been in love before, and found that love was more than just holding hands” you sing, making Wanda laugh. Of course you know all the lyrics by heart.

“You have a really nice voice. You should sing more”

“Pass, baby. Can I take my blindfold now?”

“Always so impatient” Wanda teases you. “Fine, we’re here either way”

Cheering, you pull the blindfold down, blinking a couple of times to adjust your eyes. Looking out the window, you can see the lights of the amusement park that is close to the peninsula.

“Oh my God! I’ve been wanting to come here for so long”

Ever since you moved to the city, you had planned to visit with Darcy but work always got in the way. You knew Wanda had come with the kids in the past and you always talked about visiting again.

“Come on, let’s go” Wanda takes your hand, and you eagerly follow her to the entrance. You walk around, pointing at all the things you want to try. Without realising, Wanda is leading you to the ride you absolutely do not want to get on.

“Nu-uh” you step back when she turns you to the Haunted House.

“Oh, come on! Please? I can never go because of the kids, and I love haunted houses. Plus it’s in a cart so we’re not gonna be chased by anything”

“People pay money to get chased?” you shout, jumping away when a group of teenagers are wheeled between the doors of the ride, screaming. “Babe, come on. I’ll do anything to skip this one”

“Please? It will be fun. Ok, not fun for you” she clarifies when you make a face.

“Give me one good reason” you challenge her. Of course, Wanda decides to pull you into a kiss, and it’s so good it takes your breath away.

“I knew being this gay would get me in trouble” you mumble while she celebrates her victory.

As you wait in line, you try to get a look at what’s inside and watch people who leave the ride, talking and laughing. They don’t seem traumatized or crying. That’s good, right?

“Ok, no, I want out” you plead the minute you sit down, and the woman operating the ride gives you a curious stare. That makes you settle, and you sink in your small seat, where your legs can barely fit.

The cart is sent through the tracks and you’re engulfed by darkness, still trying to figure out if the first thing will jump from the left or the right.

“Hell, no” you scream, feeling something in your head.

“It’s just rags, detka” Wanda eases your nerves, looking excited for the next scare.

Now that you’re also worried about whatever touches your head, you miss the dummy that pops out on your right, flailing while something that looks like sausages spills out of its chest.

“Gross AND anatomically incorrect” you shout at it.

“You’re so crazy” Wanda laughs next to you, until something else jumps from a coffin and scares her.

“Please let it be over, oh, God why are there red lights”

You are wheeled into a room full of weird looking creatures, and a spray of fake blood almost stains your clothes.

“Should have worn scrubs” you mutter.

There are a couple of typical jumpscares, like the plastic bat that falls from the ceiling, or the cackling witch that almost touches you with its decaying hand.

“Let’s never do that again” you say as soon as the cart stops, jumping out and looking all disheveled.

“Mmm, let’s try the one where you walk next time we come” she says instead and laughs when you look like you’re going to pass out.

“You’re being mean”

“I’m sorry, let’s do something you want now”

Roller coasters and other mechanical rides have never been your jam, so you walk towards the carnival games. You try your luck at the ring toss, balloon darts and the fishing game.

“Ok, last one” you say, pulling Wanda to the milk botttle toss. You’re determined to win something for her, though she insists she doesn’t need anything.

“Ok, that was very impressive” she says when you throw the ball and it knocks down the bottle at the top. The second ball barely touches the rest of the bottles and you sigh, changing your stance. Before throwing, you look at Wanda and place your cheek next to her face.

“Good luck kiss?”

Your girlfriend blushes, but kisses you and walks back as you get ready to throw.

“Babe, I did it!” you shout, lifting Wanda in the air.

“Very nice, detka” she laughs as you put her down, turning to check all the stuffed animals that she can pick from. “Oh, I want the capybara”

“You heard the lady” you say to the man in charge of the stand and he hands it to Wanda.

As you get some food, she pulls it against her chest.

“I love it”

“I love you” you smile, kissing the back of her hand.

There’s a lot to pick from, but you settle on hot dogs and fries, talking about the book and Pietro’s physical therapy.

“What about your surgery?”

“What surgery?” you say as you finish your own food.

“Do you know when you’ll scrub in?”

“Oh, no idea. I know they’re having another one tomorrow, but the Chief’s the one making the calls right now, so” you shrug your shoulders. “Alright, I’m done. Want to go on the ferris wheel before we head home?”

“Sure”

Wanda was a bit hesitant because of the height, but once you reach the top of the ride and enjoy the view, she decides it was totally worth it.

“I loved our date night, thank you” you say, noticing how she’s getting cold and offering your own jacket. “Here, baby”

“Thank you. I’m glad you liked it, even if I made you go into the Haunted House”

“Darcy must never hear how much I screamed” you warn her, enjoying how she scoots closer, leaning her head against your shoulder.

The view is breathtaking and you enjoy it in silence, until Wanda speaks again.

“Our first birthday here, mom and dad took us to one of these amusement parks. We had been in the US for some months and I think it was the first time I thought we could have a normal life”

“That sounds nice. I’m glad you had them to create good memories”

“Yeah, I wish my dad was around to see the kids grow” she sighs. “And if my mother wasn’t so stubborn…”

“Uh… your mom’s alive?” you blurt out, and smack your mouth shut, mortified. “Ok, that came out wrong. It’s just, you never mention her!” you stutter, while Wanda laughs.

“We had… a disagreement. After everything settled in Sokovia, they moved back to this small farm. It was the life they had always wanted. But my dad got cancer and he made mom promise she wouldn’t tell us. I was starting my job at the publishing house and he didn’t want to… I don’t know, worry us?”

“I’m sorry, Wanda”

“So, yeah, by the time we knew it was too advanced and we didn’t get to say goodbye. I’ve had… some resentment towards her ever since. I think we deserved to know” she looks away and you let her take time to calm down.

“I get it, it happens all the time. Sometimes patients want something that goes against their family’s wishes. It’s a fine line, between wanting the best for your loved one and giving them the freedom to choose”

“Yeah. I know Pietro speaks to her because he’s a mama’s boy. But she hates flying and I don’t feel like I’m strong enough to go back to Sokovia… there’s a lot of painful memories”

“Maybe one day we can all go. Or find a middle ground. Whatever you want”

“My mom would love you” Wanda says and you laugh.

“Well duh, all the Maximoffs love me”

“Especially me” she says, kissing you softly. You smile against her lips and break apart just as the ride ends.

You agree to drive back home, while Wanda plays music from your car console.

“You have a playlist titled W?”

“Yeah, those are songs that remind me of you”

The first song she plays is Kiss Me by Sixpence None the Richer.

“A classic, and so romantic”

“I need to see the entire playlist” she asks and you hand over your phone.

“The password’s the day of our first date” you say. Wanda melts at that, and she’s scrolling down to check out all the songs -her absolute favorite is This will be (An Everlasting Love) by Nat King Cole- when a text comes through.

Nat: Got you a spot at tomorrow’s surgery :)

Nat: So I think now you owe me dinner

Wanda reads the text a couple of times, and her curiosity gets the best of her. To you it looks like she’s scrolling through the playlist, but she’s actually going through your conversation with Natasha.

It’s definitely more flirty on her side, but you’re not acting cold towards her. Wanda knows how friendly you can be, but it seems like on some level, you’re tethering between nice and flirty.

She doesn’t get very far, feeling like she crossed a major boundary. Your words echo back. You’re done discussing the matter and it’s all in her head.

Right?

“Everything ok? I know you don’t like Paramore but The Only Exception makes me think of us” you say, unaware of what is happening.

“Yeah, no. I think I ate too much” Wanda lies and you squeeze her leg, parking outside of the house. She lets you open the door for her and as you pay Morgan, Wanda goes upstairs to change into her pajamas.

It’s all in your head.

But when you go up, and are lookig at your phone with a smile, she has to bite her tongue and pretend like everything’s fine.

“Oop, let me answer this” you say as you get a call.

“Don’t be long” she asks, her voice small.

“Yes, my love” you wink at her. Going downstairs, you look behind you to make sure she’s not listening. “Hello? Yes. About that ring. I’m buying it”

—

Life is great.

Fantastic.

You bought an engagement ring and you’re proposing to Wanda.

As you enter the conference room for the staff meeting, you whistle, making Stark look at you.

“Someone got lucky”

“Yes, I got lucky by meeting the most amazing woman in the world” you smile, sitting down next to Darcy.

“Ugh, I hate cheerful Y/N, it makes me want to unfriend you” she jokes, but you just roll your eyes.

Chief Fury goes over the most important things for every department, and then reminds you the next surgery with the Romanoff technique is happening today, with you as assistant to Natasha.

“Oh, that’s why you’re so peppy” Stark rolls his eyes.

“Tony, don’t be such a drag. Live, love, laugh” you pat his back as the meeting ends and you run after Darcy.

“Hey”  Natasha meets you in the hall and you stop for a second. “Ready for today?”

“Yes! I just need to ask Darcy some questions” you lie. “Meet you in the OR”

You finally catch up to your friend and she eyes you suspiciously.

“Did Wanda get you pregnant?”

“That would be a dream. Our kids would be beautiful. Come here” you pull her by the sleeve of her lab coat. “Wanna ask me what did I do this weekend?”

“No”

“Darcy” you stomp your foot on the ground and she sighs.

“Fine, Y/N, what did you do over the weekend? But without the dirty details” she adds, raising her hand.

“I went shopping. Sort of. I actually made a call about something I wanted to buy”

“New toaster?”

“Engagement ring” you say, and finally, Darcy reacts accordingly.

“Oh, my God! At last! Show me!”

“Ok, so only a picture because it’s getting adjusted to Wanda’s ring size but here”

Darcy admires the yellow gold ring, white diamonds surrounding a big ruby in the middle.

“Holy crap, it’s beautiful. How are you proposing?”

“Ugh, that’s the hard part. I want it to be memorable but not over the top, you know?” you take back your phone, smiling.

“So, a flashmob is out of the question?”

“Very much so. If Wanda sees me dancing she won’t want to marry me” you joke, making Darcy laugh.

“I’m happy for you”

“Thanks, pal. And you’re gonna be my maid of honor, whether you want to or not”

“I can live with that. Congratulations to you and Wanda” she adds a little louder, because Natasha is walking towards you, and your friend still doesn’t like the way the redhead looks at you.

“Congratulations are in order?” the woman says, eyeing you curiously.

“No, she’s just joking about uh, getting a new toaster” you lie, trying to keep your proposal a secret.

“Alright then. Let’s save some lives”

“Sounds good” you smile, walking down the hall with Natasha.

—

For the first time in a long time, Wanda wishes there was more chaos at home. The silence doesn’t help with those spiraling thoughts about you and that doctor.

You’re performing an exciting surgery next to her, saving lives and doing something you’ve always dreamed of doing.

How can she ever compete with that?

Will she have to watch as you keep pulling back, until you come to your senses and leave her?

You had so much fun on your date and Wanda thought things would get better. If she hadn’t seen those messages, maybe things would be different. What would you even think if you knew she read your private conversations?

Her mind’s a mess, so much so that she doesn’t even notice someone’s at the door of your former house, knocking and looking through the windows.

The girl looks fairly young, 18 at most, so she figures it might be a college student looking for accommodation. But she’s insisting on knocking even when it’s clear no one’s around, so Wanda decides it’s better to check if she can help.

“Hello there” Wanda approaches the girl, smiling.

“Hi. I… I’m looking for my sister”

“Oh, you might have the wrong address. This house is empty. What’s your sister’s name?”

“Y/N Y/L/N”

“You’re Y/N sister” Wanda repeats, amazed. She’s never even seen a picture of the girl. All she knows are your half siblings names. “Jenny”

“Yes. Do you know her? Can I borrow your phone? I really need to talk to her” the girl says, and Wanda pays closer attention to her demeanor. She has a backpack, running shoes and a piece of paper with the address. No phone, or anything else.

It honestly looks like she ran away from home.

“Ok, sweetheart, come over and we’ll try calling her. She’s in surgery right now, but I’m sure she’ll manage to come over if she knows you need her”

“Thank you. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be such a bother, Miss…”

“Wanda. My name’s Wanda”

—

Things are going great. You look at your work and then at Natasha across the operating table.

“Almost as good as mine” she says and you roll your eyes.

“It’s pretty darn good, Romanoff”

“Fine. I’ll make sure to write those words down in my report”

Fury is observing from the corner, approving of your work as well.

“Nice job, Y/L/N. Now, I’ve heard your residents are drowning with all the patients in the ER”

“Ah, this work never ever ends, does it?” you sigh, going out of the OR as the rest of the teams cleans up. Natasha is behind you and washes her hands next to you.

“That was amazing, Nat, honestly. Thank you”

“Don’t thank me. You earned it. No one practised more hours than you did”

“I had a great teacher” you smile at her. “What’s next? Monitoring over the next 24 hours?”

“I can handle that, I know you got work to do at the ER”

“No worries, I’ll stop by later and check how everything's going” you pat her shoulder, smiling as you leave the scrub room. You hear Natasha call your name and you turn, thinking there’s something you forgot. “What’s up?”

“I… nothing. Good job out there”

You nod, and leave as you get paged a couple of times. Yeah, Fury wasn’t exaggerating, the ER is total chaos. There’s a school group fighting over a baseball match gone wrong -two concussions, a broken nose- and to top it all of, Yelena and Kate are arguing over who gets what cases.

“Ok, that’s enough. Belova, CT scans. Bishop, you’re monitoring the post op of my patient with Doctor Romanoff”

Typically, that wouldn’t be the most exciting work to do, but it’s a new procedure and Bishop’s more than happy to obey.

“Can I get the broken nose too?“ Yelena asks, dancing when you nod.

One of the guys with a concussion has a seizure, which prompts one of the teachers to scream. You have to kick everyone out, trusting Yelena will be able to stabilize him.

You lose track of time, going in and out of the ER and asking for consults with Ortho, Peeds and Plastics. It’s only after a few hours that you think about checking your phone.

Six missed calls from Wanda. Your heart drops as you call her back.

“Baby, are you ok?”

“Yes. Relax” she says, noticing how tense you sound.

“Come on, are you hurt? Are the kids ok? Six missed calls is something” you begin to ramble.

“Your sister’s here” Wanda cuts you off, figuring there’s no easy way to say it.

“Jenny? Did my mother…?”

“No, it’s just your sister” Wanda looks back, lowering her voice. “I think she ran away from home”

“Oh, shit” you pinch the bridge of your nose. “That’s just fucking fantastic. My mother’s gonna make a scene”

“I don’t think…”

“Jenny came to find me. Who do you think she’ll blame?”

Wanda stays silent for a moment. Of course it’s not your fault, but knowing what she knows about your mother, it’s pretty obvious that she’ll find a way to make you responsible.

“Can I speak to her, please?”

“Jenny, Y/N wants to speak to you” Wanda says, passing the phone to your sister.

“I’m so sorry” it’s the first thing she says, which keeps your mouth shut. “She canceled our trip, said I wasn’t going away to college that far from home. Y/N, she’s been so awful all the time. I just want to be away from her like you”

“Jenny…” you sigh. You honestly didn’t know. All this time, you thought the problem was you. You, who came to live with her new family and be an intruder into their life. The unwanted child that she was forced to take in.

“Look, does your dad know at least? I’m sure they’re worried about you”

“I left my phone back at home and took a bus”

“Ok, ask Wanda to text me your dad’s number so they’ll know where you are. I’ll see if I can get them to wait until tomorrow to pick you up, and we’ll talk when I’m home”

“Ok. I really am sorry” she says.

“I know, kid. I need to speak to Wanda again”

While she hands over the phone, you take a second to breathe, trying to ease your nerves.

“Wands, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to involve you in all of this. I’ll find a way to leave work and take her to a hotel or something…”

“Detka” Wanda interrupts you. “Stay. Do what you have to do. I can take care of things here. We’re a team. We do this together”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. We’ll see you for dinner, ok?”

“Thank you”

“Anything for you” she says with a gentle tone, hanging up.

—

It feels like it’s been a week instead of a couple of hours. The ER was packed, Natasha’s patient had some complications and now you had to prepare to face your mother.

“Hey” Wanda walks out the second she hears your car. Your face says it all, so she skips the part where she asks how you’re doing.

“They’re picking her up tomorrow at noon” is all you say, allowing Wanda to hug you, and placing your head against her shoulder. You breathe deeply, trying to ease your nerves.

“She’s playing with the twins now. Come on” Wanda takes your hand to lead you back inside, but you stay rooted in your spot.

“I haven’t seen her in ten years… I don’t even know what to say to her”

“Maybe she needs someone who listens and understands what she’s going through. Come on, you’ve got this, detka” she insists, careesing your cheek.

“Wanda, I can’t thank you enough. I don’t know what I would have done without you”

Those words, coupled with the look of complete adoration you’re giving her, is enough to soothe her soul and make Wanda forget all those fears about not being enough for you.

Jenny’s sitting at the kitchen counter, speaking to Tommy and Billy.

“They’re very curious about your sister”

“Yeah, well, so am I”

Hearing the door close, your sister turns around, and you stare at each other for a moment. It makes your heart ache, to see her all grown up. Last time you saw Jenny she was seven.

Setting boundaries with your mother came at the cost of watching your siblings grow.

“Hey, kids” you say. Tommy and Billy run to greet you, and you kiss their heads. “My minions”

“Hi” Jenny says, standing up and looking at you. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get you in trouble”

“Let’s walk Sparky” you propose, grabbing his leash. The dog knows exactly what that means, and he starts jumping around. “We’ll be back in a bit”

“Ok, sweetheart” Wanda smiles.

“They seem nice” Jenny comments when you walk down the street.

“Yeah, they are. I’m very lucky to have them”

“I didn’t know…”

“I know, I’m sorry. I try to keep these things to myself. Your mother would find a way to ruin it”

“Of course” she says, fidgeting with her hands.

“I spoke to your dad. They agreed to fly tomorrow and pick you up at the hospital. He wasn’t mad, just worried”

“He’s not the one I have a problem with” she huffs. “Dad’s not even happy with her, but he thinks we’ll be traumatized if they get a divorce”

Sparky wants to chase after a cat and you let his barking fill the silence for a while.

“So what’s the plan here? You want to be away from her?”

“I just… can’t breathe anymore. She’s cruel and manipulative and controling. Sometimes I feel like the only way to make it stop is by never speaking to her again”

“Yeah, that sounds familiar. In my case it was easier, she was very eager for me to leave and never come back” you point out, starting to head back home. “I don’t think that will be the case with you”

“Well, maybe I should simply stop talking to her at all” Jenny says.

“Listen, ask your dad for support. Maybe there’s a way to find a middle ground. Because it’s not an easy thing, kid. You’re alone for a lot of the time. I can try and help, but with work and everything else… leaving home and cutting her off will mean a lot of changes. That’s all I’m saying”

“I know” she nods, her voice lower than before.

“Come on, I’m starving” you open the door, letting Sparky run towards the kitchen.

Dinner is spent talking about your sister, and she’s happy to chat with the kids. There’s an awkward pause when they ask about how you were growing up.

“Guys, Jenny was just a baby, she doesn’t remember a lot. What I can tell you is she cried every time she watched Finding Nemo”

“I did not!” she snaps and you hold a laugh. “I only cried because you played it all the time and I was sick of it”

“Yeah, yeah”

“Pietro cried when we watched Snowhite” Wanda intervenes and now, you do let out the loudest lauh.

“Hey, I’m just here minding my business, why are you attacking me?” he says, though he gives Wanda a playful smile.

It’s nice to see Jenny so comfortable, and definitely more relaxed than before. But you know that’s the way Wanda can get to people. She has the talent of making you feel like you belong without trying.

As you look at your girlfriend from across the table, laughing and chatting with your sister, you remember the ring you’re getting in a couple of days. And honestly, it doesn’t matter how you propose, you just hope Wanda wants to be with you forever.

Jenny helps with the dishes, and you recognise that eagerness to be useful in the way you used to clean every surface of your mother’s house, to at least be considered less of a burden. So, you offer to split the work.

“It’s fine, kiddo” you reassure her when she protests.

“I’m almost 18” she challenges you and you let out a laugh.

“Oh, yeah, to be 18 and think I know everything. I’m your big sister. You’re always gonna be a baby to me”

You both work in silence, until Jenny speaks again.

“I remember some stuff. Not a lot, but enough to know how unfair she was to you. But you were never unkind to me. Or Zach”

“It wasn’t your fault. Whatever shit that woman had going on with me was between us two” Jenny snorts at that. “Oh, fuck, pretend you didn’t hear me curse”

“You just did again!”

“No, fuck my life, I already owe like 30 bucks to the swear jar” you hiss, making Jenny laugh again. You throw some water her way, and you engage in a soap war.

“Nu-uh, no mess in my kitchen. I like to keep it clean” Wanda interrupts, scolding you.

“Oh, babe, come on. It’s not like we’ve never had se…”

“Y/N!” she slaps your shoulder. “Do not give this young woman the wrong impression about me. Jenny, we have a full house, but I made the couch as comfortable as possible”

“That’s ok, it’s way better than a bus seat” your sister smiles. “Goodnight and thank you for everything”

“Night, kid” you say, letting out a sigh when she leaves the kitchen. You turn to Wanda, pulling her by the waist and holding her impossibly close. “Thank you for everything. You kept calm and were kind to her. I don’t deserve you”

“You make it sound like I’m perfect”

“You are” you say with complete devotion, kissing her cheek. “I’m not ready for tomorrow, Wanda”

“We’ll do it together” she kisses your shoulder, but you shake your head.

“I don’t want that horrible woman anywhere near you. I’ll come back to pick up Jenny and hand her over to the parents at the hospital”

“Come back? Are you going to the hospital now?” she says.

“I’ll be restless and overthinking… I think only work can get me through this night” you sigh.

“Ok, if that’s what you need to do” Wanda agrees, but you catch the hurt in her eyes. “I’ll go back to working on some sketches, then”

She’s about to leave the kitchen when you change your mind.

“Can I watch you work? I think that would help me”

“Yes, of course” Wanda smiles, reaching for your hand. You pause before the door, kissing her softly.

“Love you”

Jenny is fast asleep when you walk past her.

You settle in Wanda’s study, getting cozy in the small sofa while she takes a seat and works on her drafting table.

Her soft movements lull you, and before you can tell, you’re fast asleep.

Wanda watches as you rest, hoping you can finally have a peaceful night.

—

The drive to the hospital is quiet.

Wanda said goodbye to Jenny with a hug, and a reminder that she’s always welcomed in your home.

But now it’s only the two of you in the car, and you don’t really know how to comfort her.

“If I were to go to college close to Westview… could I visit? I know you’re busy with work and your family, I’m just thinking…”

“Jenny, of course you can. You heard Wanda”

“I’m scared” she admits when you park, and you stay inside the car for a minute longer.

“Look, she’ll probably blame me. So, let her. Don’t argue or defend me” you advise. “She can’t hurt me, not anymore”

Jenny nods, and follows you as you leave the parking lot. Darcy is waiting for you in the lobby.

“Hi, Jenny” she greets. Darcy’s the only one of your friends who knows your family. It was during the only time they visited on campus and Darcy made sure your mother knew she didn’t like her.

“Hey” the girl greets, shyly.

“I have to make my rounds, but Darcy will spend some time with you in the cafeteria and then you can wait in the break room”

Fortunately, the night shift wasn’t so chaotic and Natasha’s patient seems to be stable.

Seems like Natasha went home right after you, so she might be back anytime now. Either way, you keep working until your phone rings.

“Hey, we’re here” Jenny’s father says as you pick up the phone.

“Ok, wait outside. We don’t want her making a scene”

“Yeah” he hesitates and you know he’s just as worried. You’re about to hang up, but think twice.

“Ed, take care of them. They’re good kids”

Jenny isn’t thrilled when you come looking for her. As she walks besides you, you pull her into a hug.

“You’re a strong kid. It’s gonna be fine” you say, and she holds on to you tighter. 

When you walk out of the hospital, your eyes meet your mother’s. How you wish you could say she doesn’t scare you anymore, but a part of you will always be a kid at the mercy of her twisted ways.

Jenny looks at you one last time before she walks up to her parents. If things were different, you’d never let her go back to such a horrible environment.

You prefer to look down until they’re gone.

Which is why you never see the blow coming.

Your mother slaps you across the face and your cheek and the skin around your eye burns.

“You poisoned her against me”

Even if you feel humiliated, you laugh, rubbing your face.

“Have you tried not being a fucking monster to your kids, for once?”

She aims again, but the slap doesn’t land. That’s when you look up, and watch as Natasha holds her wrist, glaring at the woman.

“I would think twice before doing this” Natasha threatens, and you figure her hold most be doing some harm, as your mother retreats her hand.

“You’re dead to me. Don’t ever try to contact me again” she hisses your way and you want to cry with relief. That’s the best thing she’s ever told you.

“I’m sorry” Jenny shouts, getting dragged away by her mother, Ed looking pissed at his wife.

To be fair, seems like her husband hates her guts too. Not that it’s difficult to do so.

“Are you ok?” Natasha turns to you, her hand on your cheek.

“I forgot about the big ass rings she’s always wearing” you try to joke, but you’re skin is still burning and it’s hard to open your left eye.

“Come on” Natasha takes your hand, leading you through the hospital halls until she finds an empty room. Quickly checking for any medical supplies she might need, Natasha comes back to sit next to you.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“I’m ok. Besides the slap”

“Yeah, it’s gonna leave a mark for a couple of days” Natasha mutters, checking that the skin is only a bit reddened.

“Nice. It will match the one I have on the back of my head from when she threw a glass at me” you try to joke, but Natasha stays silent.

“Can you open your eye?”

“I think so” you make an effort, blinking a couple of times. Natasha holds your chin, inspecting your pupil.

“It’s fine” she says, nodding. “We should probably put something cold so the swelling goes down, though”

“Ok” you nod. Natasha’s about to stand up when she catches the tears threatening to spill over.

“I’m here” she reassures you, holding your face with her hands.

“I failed her. I should have known… I should have stayed to protect her. But I left, because it was easier…”

“It’s not your responsibility. You were a kid too” she says, catching a tear that rolls down your cheek. “You’re kind and sweet, and a wonderful person. You didn’t let that woman poison you. That’s what matters”

Her words hit you like a wave, so you close your eyes and breath. You’re about to thank Natasha when you see it.

It’s a very brief moment, but you catch it.

Natasha staring at your lips.

Her hands are still on your cheeks, looking conflicted on what to do next. Pull apart and pretend it never happened? Lean forward and kiss you?

Natasha knows you caught her.

And you haven’t pulled back.

Pull back, pull back.

Whatever you were about to say is interrupted by your pager.

911.

Of course.

“I…”

“Yeah” Natasha nods, finally dropping her hands and standing up, her back to you. You grab the doorknob, but don’t turn it in your hands, heart still racing.

“Natasha” you say and she turns around, looking hopeful.

“Doctor Y/L/N, there you are” Kate walks in, but her eyes widen as she sees Natasha across the room. “I’m sorry, there’s an emergency. An accident in the bridge, multiple people hurt. We’re called onsite”

“Get everything ready and page Yelena” you ask. Kate nods, leaving the door open.

“I have to…” you say, looking back at Natasha.

“Be careful” is all the redhead says, smiling at you.

“Thank you. For what you did back there” you remember, smiling one last time as you leave the room.

It’s all a blur as you get ready to leave, packing bags with medical supplies. Your mind is elsewhere, especifically in that room with Natasha.

Would something have happened if it weren’t for Kate’s interruption?

“Hey” Yelena calls for you, and you snap out of those thoughts.

“Come on, you two. Lewis is running the ER; be in constant contact to alert about upcoming patients” Kate and Yelena follow you to the ambulance waiting, and you sit across from the blonde. “Alright, Belova. Let’s see what you’ve got”

--

There’s a reason not everyone can do this job.

Your team steps out of the ambulance and walks into pure chaos. At least ten cars have crashed against each other, while a bus impacted the railway. 

“Driver of the bus lost consciousness. Crashed into the rail and other cars” Clint says as soon as you come into view. “We’re prioritizing the people on the bus, we don’t know how much damage there is on the rail and it can be dangerous”

“Kate, you can handle this, right?” you say, and the brunette nods, excited at the prospect of working solo. “Belova, you’re with me”

Yelena is overwhelmed, looking around at the people who are in shock or bleeding.

“Come on, we’re here to help, not stare”

“Yes, I’m sorry”

Clint’s team is helping everyone out of the bus and you walk up to the driver’s side. A car is blocking the door and he’s still unconscious.

“What do we do?” you ask Yelena.

“Check if he’s breathing”

“He is. And?” 

“Check his pulse. Then we…”

“Immobilize neck and spine, place him on the back board and carry him out” you say. “You gotta go faster, Belova”

An EMT joins you, helping with the maneuvers until you’re out of the bus. 

“Flail chest and hypoxia. I’m starting BVM” Yelena says, pulling out the equipment. She makes sure everything is in place before the ambulance leaves for Stark Hospital.

You keep working on more people, and the less critical injuries are redirected to Westview Medical Center. When you’re almost done, Kate asks for your help and you leave Yelena checking the vitals of an elderly man.

The blonde is exhausted, leaning against the railway and watching you work with Kate. The brunette has a lot more confidence in her movements and decisions, and Yelena tries to think that some day she’ll manage to be at that level of skill. As she looks down to the bridge, she notices a motorcycle. Leaning forward, she catches sight of a leg, noticing there’s a person trapped. She’s about to turn and ask for help, but you’re doing CPR while Kate struggles to stabilize a woman. The jump isn’t that bad, so she decides to go over the railing and land on the pile cap.

“Hello? Sir?” She shakes the man and searches for a pulse, but it’s obvious by his injuries that he’s dead. The question is how to go back to the bridge now. She tries to climb back using some of the loose parts of the rail, but she stumbles, making part of the structure fall close to her head.

“What’s that noise?” you ask, looking around. “Where’s Yelena?”

As you run around, searching for her, you hear a metallic crash and the splash of water.

“Yelena?!” you scream, looking everywhere for her. You spot her windbreaker stuck in the pier of the bridge. 

“Do you think she fell in the water?”

“I don’t think, I know” you say, your heart dropping as you spot her getting carried away by the current, still unconscious. “Tell Clint to hurry up, because I really don’t wanna die today” 

“Wait!” 

But you’re already diving, and the cold water leaves you out of breath. It feels like your lungs are on fire when you gasp for air, and you have to use all your strength to not get dragged away from Yelena. Her bag is helping to keep her on the surface, though she’s not awake and you have no idea how long she’s been in the water.

It takes you a few minutes swimming against the current to reach her, and by the time you do, you’re exhausted.

“Come on, Yel” you say, keeping her head above the water. You’re not gonna be able to keep this up for much longer, and the bridge is looking further away every time you turn around.

If you survive this, you’re gonna propose to Wanda the next time you see her.

But as a wave hits you and you struggle to keep yourself and Yelena afloat, you think that’s a pretty massive if.

--

Natasha’s not a team player, that’s for sure. But the ER is a mess, and she knows it’s all hands on deck. So, she scrubs in, working with Darcy and Barnes to help everyone that comes in.

“We got the last one coming,” Darcy announces, picking up the phone. “Shit. Romanoff”

“What?” Natasha asks, although she’s afraid she knows the answer.

“Your sister, something happened… Y/N dived to rescue her, they both got dragged by the current” Darcy says, holding the phone against her ear. “Ambulance is five minutes away” 

Natasha feels like throwing up. Those are the longest five minutes of her life, and Fury joins her as they wait for them to arrive. 

“Female, twenties. Unconscious, hypothermic. Intubated and started oxygenation” Drax says as soon as the ambulance stops. Kate jumps out, running next to the gurney and holding on to Yelena.

“Kate, where’s…” Darcy says, and you jump out of the passenger seat, holding a blanket. You’re freezing, but alive.

“Here. I’m fine. She didn’t spend that much time underwater, I got to her soon” 

“We need to stabilize her and raise temperature. You, stay here and let someone check you” Darcy says when she sees you getting ready to help.

Natasha is in the room with her sister, while Fury, Barnes and Darcy work. Taking a deep breath, you walk to the locker room to find dry clothes, and hopefully get a little warmer.

You honestly thought you’d both die out there, until Clint arrived in a boat that he stole from heaven knows where. Still, it was a close call.

Hopefully, Yelena will be alright.

Once you change into some dry scrubs, you notice there’s a gash in your arm. Sighing, you walk to a supply closet, looking for something to clean up the wound. Someone walks in and you turn around when the door slams behind them. Natasha looks at you, chest heaving.

“Is Yelena…?” you fear the worst.

But she doesn’t let you finish.

Natasha’s lips crash against yours, holding you by the neck and inviting you to explore her mouth. All you feel is the warmth of her body against yours, the passion she’s pouring into the kiss intoxicating and clouding your mind. Your hand goes around her waist to pull her closer…

Wanda.

The thought makes you open your eyes, and you pull back, out of breath. Natasha’s still holding on to you, and you almost get lost on her green eyes when someone else walks in.

Carol looks between you two, and Natasha turns around, hiding her face.

“Wanda’s here”

Your heart drops. Without looking back to Natasha, you leave the room, following Carol.

“Darcy called me. I was so worried” your girlfriend launches into your arms, her face against your chest. You try to control your shaking hands, arms going around her shoulders. “I’m so relieved that you’re ok”

In that moment, you turn your bodies around and your eyes meet Natasha’s.

You feel guilt, shame. 

And something else.

A flutter in your chest at the memory of her lips on yours.

No, you’re definitely not ok.

[writingsbychlo]

HOME TO US | rhysand

summary; rhys and nyx are a family of two, but they're both pretty hell-bent on making it into a trio, with you.

word count; 12,151

notes; I have no idea how this got so long? I planned for it to be like 4-5k, and @azsazz can vouch for that. also big shout out to @acourtofwhatthefuck for proofreading this for me when I just had no motivation, but I needed this one to be perfect.

Fate had always seemed to have the worst timing for you.

Whether it be relationships, the sunny skies turned to rain, or simply this; balancing precariously on a stool and getting startled by your own phone, which you could have sworn was on silent mode. 

Blaring out across the shop in a sudden burst of cheery notes and tones, you almost dropped the stacks of books in your hands, cursing a little as it vibrated in rhythm in the back pocket of your jeans. When the call persisted after the usual three rings signalling a cold caller or market salesperson, you sighed. 

Shifting the books to one arm, you fished the phone out before it could go to voicemail, wondering just who would be calling you so urgently at this time of the day. The question didn’t linger for long, though, as your eyes widened at the caller across the front of the screen. 

‘Velaris Young-Education Prepatory School’.

A ridiculously fancy name for an elementary school, you thought it every time you saw the name, and yet right now, your heart skipped a beat as you pressed answer. Bringing it to your ear as you shuffled the books in your arms more, you lowered yourself down from the ladder carefully. 

“Hello?”

“Oh, hello! Is this Nyx’s mother, (Y/N)? It’s V-Y-E Prep.”

The woman on the phone sounded somewhere between relieved and panicked, and your heart leapt into your throat a little at her tone. “Well, yes, that’s me, but-”

“Oh, good, we weren’t able to get in touch with dad, I was worried I wouldn't be able to get a hold of either of you.” She cut you off before you had a chance to finish, your lips clamping shut as she let out a sigh of a laugh. “I’m Nyx’s class teacher, but he’s had a little bit of an accident today, do you think you’d be able to come and pick him up from the reception?”

Your heart felt like it stopped in your chest entirely. “An accident, what kind of accident, is he okay?” 

“Oh, he’s fine! He had a fall during playtime, and he bumped his head. There’s a mark, and a scratch we’ve cleaned up, but he’s understandably a little shocked and upset. We know dad can get… concerned,” 

Understatement of the century, you wanted to butt in, because Rhys was more than just concerned. He was overprotective, in an endearing way, but he tended to freak out over the smallest things. Then again, it didn’t help when teachers said things like ‘accident’ when it’s not so serious. Perhaps it was a good thing that they got you, not him. 

“So, we thought we’d give you a ring, and see if you could pick him up?”

Your eyes flickered to the clock on the wall. You still had four hours left of your shift, and you felt terrible just ducking out, even if the store was dead, excluding the few people idling over lukewarm coffees in the connected café. “Sure, yeah, of course. I can be there in twenty minutes.”

“Wonderful, we’ll see you then.”

The line clicked dead, your eyes sliding shut as you let out a slow breath. You could have just said no, that voice in your head taunted, he’s not your child to fret over. And yet, the thought of his sad face lingered in your mind, triggering all those maternal instincts inside of you and sending them into overdrive.

“Sounds urgent.” Somehow, despite walking with a cane and always wearing heeled boots that clicked on the floorboards, Margaret had managed to sneak up on you. When you turned, the seventy-something-year-old was standing with a smile on her face behind you, eyeing the phone in your hand. 

“I’m sorry, Margie. It’s Nyx’s school.” You grimaced, lips pressing together into a thin line. She only laughed lightly, waving a frail hand idly in the air as if to bat the moment away.

“Oh, don’t worry, dear. I know what it’s like to have your child’s school call you up in the middle of the day.” Her smile only widened, her eyes glazing over a little. “Our Tommy was a terrible little troublemaker, I had constant calls about his behaviour. And our Jenny, well, she was the clumsiest kid you ever saw. Tripped over thin air.”

A wistful sigh escaped her, and your lips flicked up at the edges. You’d met both Thomas and Jennifer, lovely people, but just as she’d described. Jennifer seemed even more prone to bad timing than you, and Thomas had turned all that troublesome energy into bad flirting and a heated temper. 

“You do what you have to for your kids.” She’d finished her recollections, her voice snapping you from your own, and you could only nod.

“I know, but he’s not my kid. Not biologically, or in any way that matters. It’s not the same, and-”

“Hon, if I’ve ever seen a mother, it’s you to that little boy.” Her words made a lump in your throat that was impossible to speak around, a quick flash of emotion swelling up that you were quick to fight against, but the sparkle in her eyes told you she’d seen in. “He may not have your genes, but he’s yours. So, go get your son. The store will still be here when you come back on Monday.”

“Are you sure-”

“Don’t make me force you out of this door.” She tapped her cane at your feet, just close enough that you could feel the floorboards vibrate under the harsh taps, a wordless threat, and a grin broke out on your lips to hide the blush on your cheeks. 

“Alright, I’ll see you Monday, then.”

She gave a curt nod, and you were flying through the store. Grabbing your bag and coat from the backroom on the way, you were out of the back door and at your car in less than a full minute. Only when you’d put your bags onto the seat and checked the car seat permanently attached to the back of the car did you get into your own seat.

How you’d gotten to this point, you had no idea. It hadn't been your intention four years ago when you’d first met baby Nyx, to end up with a box of his things in your trunk for emergencies, a child seat of your own in the back of the car and your name registered as a parental contact. Yet, as you stared, twisting to look at it and brushing your fingers over the fabric, you didn’t have a single regret about it. 

In fact, only a smile pulled at your lips as you thought about him. Him, and his father. Rhysand had been your best friend for many years, and his baby only seemed to bring you closer. You’d never have wished Nyx’s mother to have abandoned him, you loathed the woman every day for what she did to them both, but it had created a space in their lives that you’d somehow patched a part of up. 

When Rhys had needed support and guidance, you’d been there.

Now, you’d be there for Nyx, too.

As you started the car, flicking a glance back to check the mirrors on the seat were still aligned, Margie’s words flickered through your mind. 

If I’ve ever seen a mother, it’s you to that little boy.

They lingered on your mind for the entire drive, hanging over you like a cloud on an April day, unsure if it was going to rain, or simply pass by. Until you were parked outside of the school, hands still clenched tightly on the steering wheel as you stared up at the tall glass entryway only a few paces away. You couldn't see Nyx yet, not with the doors on the other side that truly sealed off the building, but you could make out figures and shapes on the other side.

Your eyes moved to the clock, the digit clicking over another number, and your fingers felt numb when you finally released them from the wheel. With another sigh, you released all thoughts about mothers and genes and Rhys. 

One day, perhaps, you’d confront them. Today wasn’t going to be it.

Stepping out of the car and swinging the door shut behind you, you didn’t even bother to lock it, as you took a slow jog up the main pathway before the school. The doors hissed open automatically before you, the smell of fresh cotton coming from the air freshener in the corner of the office, and the receptionist behind the desk looked borderline bored as she glanced up. 

“Hi, um- Hi. I’m here for Nyx.”

Her eyes widened a little, looking significantly more interested now as she took your name, and called through to the classroom. The thought almost amused you, had you not been so concerned. Rhys had quite the reputation around here, the big checks and hefty donations gained him and Nyx quite the special treatment, one that clearly seemed to pass onto you, too. 

The doors to the school buzzed open a second later as the magnetic locks released, and you stepped through. Sitting in one of the large plush chairs lined up along the wall of the office was Nyx, looking utterly swamped as his feet swung in the air, head bowed and hands clutching tightly to his backpack in his lap. 

At the scuffing of your shoes, his head snapped up, eyes wide and hopeful, turning to relieved as he saw you. He dropped his bag to the floor, moving to slide out of the chair but you were faster, dropping down to kneel before him. Up close, you could see more, enough to break your heart. 

His eyes were red, cheeks pink, tear-marks tracked into the smears of playground dirt and classroom muck on his face. When you brushed the edge of his inky hair back from his forehead, it was to reveal a cut across his forehead to his temple, bumped and bruised, growing into a lump on his head. His bottom lip wobbled, eyes growing shiny again. 

“Oh, Nyxie, did you get hurt?”

“Yeah…” His voice trembled as he spoke, sniffling lightly and wiping at his cheeks with his sleeve. Patting his hair down once again, you tried to choke back the emotions clogging in your throat as a tall shadow fell across the both of you. With a glance, you confirmed that it was his teacher, looking more than a little nervous as she watched you take in Nyx for yourself. 

“We just have some forms for you to sign, and I can tell you a little more about his injury, and then you’re good to go.” At your nod, she let out a heavy breath, wiping her hands down subtly on her skirt.

“Nyxie, I’m just going to go sign some forms for you, okay? Do you want to wait here?” He shook his head, eyes widening a bit as his little hand clamped down onto your arm, gripping tightly and shuffling across the seat closer to you. “You want to come with us?”

“Can I have cuddles?” His voice was low and shy, your heart swelling a little more. 

“C’mere.” Opening your arms up for him, his damp cheek fell to your shoulder, nose tucking sweetly into your neck, and you scooped him up, his legs dangling on either side of your body as he slumped against your chest happily. Standing up with a little more effort than usual, Nyx’s hands patted idly over your knitted jumper, body bouncing with each step you took to follow her inside of the office. 

The forms were already laid out, four to be signed, and she pushed the first one over to you. “This one is just to state you acknowledge the injury, the second is a copy for you, because dad requested always having a copy of forms.” Her cheeks flushed with a little colour, the edges of your lips flicking up at Rhys’ quirks. “The third is just an injury form, that you know we’ve given you all the information, and you’re satisfied. The fourth, another copy.”

You quickly signed your name on the first two, pushing one over to her and keeping the other on your side. The pen hovered over the paper of the third, your fingers clenching a little on it, eyes flicking over the page. “What did happen, exactly?”

“Well, uhm…” You rubbed a hand over Nyx’s back, a soft affirmation that you appreciated how patiently he was waiting. Putting on a smile, you tried to put the woman at ease, not having meant to sound quite so… pissed. 

“I know kids have accidents, I didn’t mean to sound so… well, let’s just say, be glad I’m the one that picked up the call. Dad can be overprotective.” The boy in your arms giggled a little, and you placed down the pen, using your hand to now cup his head and rub at his hair lightly. 

“He was playing on the climbing equipment. I think he went a little too high, because he couldn't climb down. Another child was trying to help him, but before anyone could get over to him once we realised he was stuck, he fell off.” Her voice was a lot more confident now, and you were glad you’d been able to ease just a little of that tension. “I can take you out to the equipment and show you what happened, if you’d like?”

“That won’t be necessary.” You grabbed for the pen again, signing both pages, and she pulled one over towards her files as you gathered the other two. 

“Nyx was so brave, weren’t you, huh?” She swiped a finger over his cheek as she passed by to get the door for you again, and he nodded slowly against your body. “And he was so excited when he found out his mommy was coming to get him.”

There was that word again, all of those thoughts coming swarming back in a dizzying rush as you followed her. A hot blush settled on your cheeks, your mouth opening to correct her, before Nyx’s hands were bunching in your jumper as he let out another little giggle, making your lips snap closed again. He hid his face deeper in your shoulder. 

Stooping down to pick up his bags, his teacher placed it over your arm, swinging as you gripped paperwork in one hand and Nyx in the other. “I put all of his schoolwork in his bag. We’ll see you again tomorrow, Nyx!”

She held the door open for you, waving her goodbye as she watched you go, the receptionist looking far more alert now than she had earlier, smiling widely as the two of you left, and you could feel their gazes on you all the way to the parking lot. 

Putting down the paperwork and his bag on the top of the car, you opened it up, leaning in to settle him was like muscle memory now. No longer an awkward act but a practised one, as he slid from your arms and into the chair. Fastening the belt across his middle, you did the ones over his shoulders.

Eyes that were the same incredible shade of near-violet as his father’s were watching you, a ridiculously adorable smile on his face as you leaned in to press a kiss to the uninjured side of his forehead. Tucking his bags on the other side of him, you checked all his straps, not realising you were frowning yourself until his little fingers pinched at your nose. 

“Got a nose!” He whispered excitedly, waving his fingers in a way that was supposed to mock his uncle’s, the way Cassian would always tease that he’d ‘stolen Nyx’s nose’ to cheer him up. When you smiled at him, he pushed his hand back against your face, giggling to himself as he continued to imitate his uncle. “You can have it back!”

“Well, thank goodness for that!” You teased, rubbing over the bridge of your nose and taking him in. Once you were happy with his safety, you closed the door, taking only the paperwork with you and folding them in half, tucking them into the glovebox of the car for safekeeping. When the car turned on, your fingers went to the radio, and a single button pressed had some of Nyx’s favourite songs pouring from the speakers as the kiddie-CD in the player came to life. “We’ll go and see your daddy now, hopefully, he won’t be too upset about your head.”

The boy only hummed to his song, leaning to stare out of the window, breath fogging it up and one hand resting on the windows he watched his school be left behind. “Daddy will be angry with us?”

For all the fresh set of worries now swirling inside of your head at Rhys’ reaction, you’d never considered how Nyx would interpret your words. “Oh, no, of course not, baby. Never us. We make daddy smile, not frown!”

Reaching behind yourself as you came to a stop at the red lights, you squeezed at his knee lightly, retracting it only when the light went yellow. Another few minutes of quiet went past, the roads clear for the middle of the day as you drove, and Nyx was happily taking in all of the Velaris scenery as you passed by. 

From the small town outskirts and into the city centre, it was when you were almost there that Nyx stopped singing and decided to speak again. 

“I heard daddy tell Uncle Azzy on the phone that you make him smile like nobody else ever has.”

Your eyes widened, your foot nearly slamming onto the brake a little too hard as you turned a corner, and Nyx went back to singing his song. Your heart was picking up speed in your chest, the traitorous organ fuelled on hope reacting in a way you tried to resist. Your head was empty, it took a full minute to form your response, and you gave out a croaky laugh. “Were you being cheeky and listening to your dad’s private phone calls again?”

“No!” His voice sounded indignant, but with a look cast in the mirror onto him, you could see the cheeky smirk on his face. “He answered it at dinnertime! I got to say hi to Uncle Azzy. He’s in a whole different country right now, did you know that?”

You could only smile at the excitement in his voice as he spoke all about Azriel’s current escapades in Spain, or at least, the version that was completely safe and child-friendly. Soon, though, his distraction was over, and he was circling back to a topic you had hoped he’d forgotten.

“Daddy loves you. He told Uncle Azzy. And Uncle Cass, and Auntie Mor.”

“Well, now I know you’re telling me fibs.” Releasing your hand from the gearstick at the next red light, you reached it behind you, tickling at his tummy until he laughed loudly and kicked his legs, slapping at your hands weakly as he wriggled in his chair. “He would never tell Uncle Cass about his feelings, because Uncle Cass would tease him!”

“I’m not telling fibs, I’m not!” He gasped the words between breaths, face growing red, and you almost forgot you were sitting at the lights until a car honked behind you, forcing you to pull away. His laughter died down as the car started again, but he huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “He did tell him. He said that he loves you, and he thinks that you’re the prettiest girl in the whole wide world.”

Your lips pursed, your heart betraying you once again, stomach joining as butterflies erupted until you felt lightheaded, and the weight of his stare on the back of your head was obvious without you even needing to turn. 

In a far less sure voice now, “Do you love daddy?”

You had no idea how to answer that question. You’d known he’d get curious about your friendship with his father soon, you’d just been foolish and selfish enough to hope it was his father that he asked, and so you wouldn't have to handle it. 

Of course you loved Rhysand, but that didn’t make it easy to explain. 

Rhys could never know, the wound of Feyre running away with Tamlin and abandoning Nyx was sure to still be raw, Rhys hadn't been on a date in four years, and if this conversation had confirmed anything, it was that Nyx wasn’t the best secret-keeper. 

Your words had to be chosen carefully.

“Your daddy is my best friend, so, yes. I do love him.” You thought you’d done well, until Nyx made a non-committal sound, another question all ready to go. 

“Does he make you smile?”

“Yes.” Your teeth gritted, the looming office building of the company HQ filling the sky as you pulled up to the security box, not even needing to roll the window down before the gates were buzzing open for you.

“And, do you think he’s the prettiest man in the whole wide world?” His arms flew as wide as they could, and you ignored how endearing it was, choosing a parking spot instead and focusing on your alignment. 

“He’s very pretty, Nyx. Just like you.”

“Then why can’t you be my mommy?” That question felt like a punch to the gut, the car shutting off, silence filling the cabin around you as the engine stopped and the singing CD paused. He was waiting, playing with his fingers and staring at you when you turned to face him. His eyes were wide, confused, and you hated that he felt that way.

“Let’s clean up your face, huh? You’re all dirty.” The words were pathetic, you hated yourself, because avoiding his question meant avoiding your own. You were taking the coward's way out, pulling two wipes from the packet in the dash to wipe at his face. He stayed silent, lips pursed in an unhappy pout, but he didn’t push it. The next time he spoke, it was as you were unclipping him from his car seat and lifting him towards the ground. 

“No, no, no.” He clung to you more, jutting out his lip and putting on puppy eyes he knew worked every time. “More cuddles?”

If it kept him effectively distracted, that was more than enough. Settling him in your arms and locking the car this time, the two of you set off towards the building, Nyx babbling in your ear about everything he could see around him so far.

Upon entering the lobby, his chatter cut off, head lifting from your shoulder to wave excitedly at the assistant behind the main desk. Long ago, you’d felt insecure stepping into this building in nothing but your jeans and a hoodie as everyone else wore dresses and suits and polished heels. Now, even as the elegant woman stood in her pencil skirt to lean over the counter to greet him, you felt at home. “Hi, Ana!”

“What are you doing here in the middle of the day, little mister?” 

He only laughed, leaning out proudly to wave at her, and a new receptionist you didn’t recognise. “We’re here to see Daddy!”

She offered a knowing smile when you pushed his hair back just enough to show off the growing bruise, and turning to the intern beside her. “Take them up to the boss, and let him know.”

With a shaky smile and a polite introduction, she led your group over to one of the elevators, Nyx pulling faces and giggling over your shoulder at Ana the whole time. The ride up to the top floor consisted of Nyx counting the numbers off loudly, tickling them off on his fingers until he couldn't count anymore, and the doors chimed open at level twenty-six.

Guiding the both of you toward the boardrooms, you stopped outside of Rhys’ preferred meeting room, the one with ‘the good coffeepot’ he claimed, a smile flickering on your lips as you spotted his silhouette through the frosted glass while she knocked at the door.

As she entered, you could hear his voice pouring out, the back end of a speech on this year's profit margins that he’d practised on you a hundred times before today, only going quiet as all attention fell to her. “Sir, your wife and son are here.”

Your brows rose at her wording, still sitting high on your forehead as Rhys appeared, closing the door behind him and dismissing her thankfully. Left alone, his gaze flickered over you both, an emotion you still didn’t understand settling on his face when Nyx sat up in your arms, still cuddled against you. 

“Hi, daddy! I got a bump on my head, look!” Pushing his hand over his hair, he moved his fringe out of the way, Rhysand’s eyes going comically wide as he stepped closer to get a look at it. “I fell off the climbing frame!”

His frantic gaze swept to you as he ran a thumb over his son’s forehead, the other hand settling on your hip subconsciously, but all your attention seemed to fix on the way his thumb swept over your waist in a matching way. 

“I took care of it all, don’t worry.” You mustered the best smile you could, getting a whiff of his expensive work cologne when he dipped down to press a kiss to the same spot you had when tucking Nyx into the car. He examined the cut a little more, frowning at the mark on his son’s face, and you wanted to say something, to reassure him, to quash the thoughts about being a bad father that you knew were flying through his head. Before you could speak, though, he was acting once again.

He nodded, seeming to have already fought the war inside his own mind, and if the way his shoulder’s slumped from their tightened position, he’d won this one. Leaning in to press a kiss to your forehead too, your breath caught in your throat at the intimate brush of his lips over your skin. Rhysand had always been affectionate, this part of your friendship was nothing new, but somehow, it had become so much more than a flirty comment or wink. Your eyes fluttered shut, pressing selfishly into that hint of affection as it dragged on just a second too long, warmth coating your cheeks when he pulled back. 

“Give me five minutes to finish this meeting up, wait in my office.” His attention moved to his son. “You can get one toy out, just one.”

At the mention of the toy-box tucked away in the back corner of the office, Nyx’s face lit up, hands clapping together excitedly, and Rhys chuckled at him. “Do you need anything?”

“We’ll be fine.” You’d been to his office more times than you could count, knowing the building like the back of your hand. “Go finish up, gods know you didn’t make me suffer through your rehearsals a thousand times just to mess it all up now.”

He only smirked, adjusting his blazer and ruffling his son’s hair, cautious of his injury. “I’ll be with you soon, darling.” Before you could respond, he was placing a quick kiss on your cheek, and backing away and returning to work, the door closing behind him. 

When you stared at his empty space a little too long, Nyx let out an impatient sigh. “I want to play with the racing cars, darling.”

“Hey, now, cheeky! If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were feeling absolutely fine, and perhaps I should take you back to school!” 

Nyx burst out into more laughter, shaking his head and clinging to you. Even if his movements did make it harder to carry him, you didn’t care, grinning at the enthusiasm and excitement on his face. As soon as you had the office door open, he was squirming in your arms to get down, racing over to the box in the corner the second his feet were touching the floor. 

Tearing off the lid, you flicked the light on, shutting the door and frowning as he began to pile toys up all along the floor. “Nyx, your dad just told you only one toy. Pick one, put the rest back.”

“But the cars all count as one, I have to get the whole set out!”

“Nope. You know that’s not how it works.” He scowled, but remained silent, making a point of pulling out the black truck with flames on the wheels, the one you hated, because it made terrible sound effects of grating engines and monster trucks. Piling the rest of the toys back inside haphazardly, the lid remained off the box, and he switched the volume up, glancing at you as he did. You only granted him a sigh, collapsing down into the plush leather chair of Rhysand’s desk.

Five minutes of watching Nyx push the truck around the floor and over every surface as he made car sounds himself soon slipped into ten. He changed toys to a small fluffy dog, and at fifteen minutes, an action figure. Just as he was setting up for his meeting with the plastic army man, Rhys appeared at the door, tugging his tie loose and smiling when you straightened in his chair. 

Tucking the tie down into his suit pocket, he circled the desk, eyeing Nyx on the floor, who didn’t even bother to look up from his life-or-death mission. Taking a seat in one of the cushioned meeting chairs on the other side of the desk, he turned a questioning gaze to you, raising an eyebrow.

“He climbed too high on the climbing frame at school, and slipped when another kid tried to help him down. He got all checked out by the school first aid, he’s totally fine. No dizziness or headaches or nausea, nothing wrong. Just a bruise and a bump.” It didn’t stop Rhys from worrying, rolling his lower lip between his teeth as his gaze moved back to his joyfully-distracted son. “Rhys.”

He didn’t look up, biting down on that lip harder. With one hand, he popped free the button on his collar, and the one below, taking a deep breath. 

“Rhysand.” With a firmer tone, you managed to gain his attention, a reluctant stare shifting to you, and you held your hands out across the desk, palms up. Wiggling your fingers, he placed one hand in both of yours, sighing sadly at the look on your face as you squeezed his hand. “It’s okay, Nyx is fine, I made sure of it. I checked him out myself, signed the forms after reading them, and I’ve been keeping an eye on him. Look at him. He’s perfectly okay.”

“I’m sorry you had to leave work.” He whispered, ashamed gaze trailing to your joined hands, the edges of his lips barely flickering as you smoothed your thumbs over his knuckles. He squeezed a little harder, tugging a little closer, ensuring you weren’t letting go just yet. You’d had no intention to, anyway.

Tugging on your hands a little more, he guided you around the desk, back to your feet until you were standing before him, between his knees, and he could tip forwards to brace his head against your ribs. He still held tight to one of your hands, running his fingers over your skin now, but you managed to fight one hand free. With it, you patted his hair softly, smoothing over it until he let out a shaky but light breath. 

“Thank you.”

“You know I’d do anything for you two. Absolutely anything, you have nothing to thank me for, or say sorry for.” He only nodded, tipping his head up enough that the tip of his nose dragged over your skin, until his chin was propped there instead, glancing up at you.

“Not true, I’m thankful for you every single day.”

You willed your body not to react, not to give you away, other than the small smile you offered him, settling with your hand on the nape of his neck for a second. It was intimate, romantic, far too much for friendship, and the sudden flash of thought made your spine stiffen, and your hand retract down to sit safely on his shoulder instead. “Rhys?”

“Yes, darling?”

“Why does Nyx’s school have me listed as his mother?”

He blinked, once. “What?”

“When they called, they asked me if I was his mom, and I never got a chance to correct her before she was telling me everything. Then when I got there, she said it again.”

He was silent for a moment, before sitting up once again, disentangling himself from you and putting on an easy-going smile to match his shrug as he slumped back into the seat. “I have no idea. Maybe she just got confused, or forgot.”

“Okay…” You gave only a moment's pause, leaning yourself on the edge of the desk beside you, and crossing your arms. “Well, why does your receptionist think I’m your wife?”

“She’s new.” The words rolled off of his tongue so fast it was like he’d planned them, your brows shooting up a little. “I mean, you come in here carrying Nyx, and what else would she know?”

Despite his casual demeanour, a soft layer of pink tinged those tan cheeks, so faint you’d hardly notice it if you weren’t so good at reading him. His eyes studied you for a second, a deep look as he stared, gaze taking you in just as much as you seemed to take him in. There was a lull, a pause, like so many moments lately where the air seemed positively charged between you both, lingering on an adrenaline-filled precipice and just waiting for something to happen.

Rhys broke it, just a second before it would have become too much for you, too. Clearing his throat, he caught Nyx’s attention. “Why don’t we go and get some ice-cream, buddy? Put the toy away and we can go right now.”

“Before dinner?” The child’s eyes widened, throwing the army man into the box without a care for the way he slammed off of the wall, all love gone now at the mention of ice-cream. Clicking the lid back into place, you watched them interact in a daze, the joking and chatter becoming background noise. 

You’d never given yourself a chance to think before, too scared to get your heart broken and to lose them both, but a small flame of hope in the back of your heart had been steadily growing bigger and brighter, and it was starting to become hard to ignore. 

Only when a small hand slipped into yours did you snap out of it, Nyx swinging happily with one hand in yours and the other in his father’s, telling him all about the school work he’d done as Rhysand grabbed for his briefcase and coat. Once he’d acquired them, you were on the move, trailing through the building in much the same way, swinging Nyx between your bodies and letting him bounce excitedly at the prospect of frozen sugar before a healthy meal. 

As you wandered through the lobby, you took stock of yourselves, noting just how much the three of you really did resemble a family. The receptionist would be right to assume, simply from what it looked like. And, even if the teacher did know you hadn't been, from the number of mornings you’d dropped Nyx at school or picked him up at the end of the day, it could easily be misread as merely a development in a complicated relationship. 

Perhaps, it was nothing more than a misunderstanding, and Rhys was right. 

The butterflies in your stomach died down to a heavy weight. One of both relief, and disappointment you refused to acknowledge, the hot flush of anxiety cooling into a steady calm, and you were finally able to take a deep breath once again as you reached the car.

“We just need to grab his bag and forms from my car, and-”

“You’re not coming for ice-cream?” Rhys’ head snapped up from where he’d been looking down at his son, brows furrowing at you, and Nyx fell silent, turning to stare up with an identical look of confusion. 

“You don’t like ice-cream?” He echoed in his father’s tone, the two were far too alike for your good, and Nyx was nothing if not a clone of his father. One silver lining had always been that Nyx seemed to be 99% Rhys, only getting 1% from his mother. It was the smattering of freckles over his nose that only came out in the summer.

“Of course, I like ice-cream.” You tapped at the tip of Nyx’s nose and he beamed.

“So, you’re gonna’ come with us, then?” Your gaze moved from him, to Rhys, whose brows only furrowed further. 

“What’re you lookin’ at me for? You know you’ve always got a place with us. Frankly, if you decided to move in tomorrow, I wouldn't bat an eye.”

Your eyes rolled, and when you were looking back at him, he was grinning. “What about my car?”

“I’ll drive you back here to get it.”

“What about work?” You motioned to the building behind you, and he opened his car door, motioning for Nyx to hop up into the back. 

“I own the company, I can take off an afternoon to be with the people I care about.”

“What about-” He leaned in close enough that your noses almost brushed, a smirk forming on his lips at the hitch in your breath, cutting off your words.

“Shut up, get in the car, and let me take my family for ice-cream.”

You couldn’t breathe, never mind form a response, that word ricocheting through the inside of your skull like a bullet. Nudging you to the side, Rhys opened the passenger door, motioning you too, until you were sinking into the spacious car and letting him close the door behind you. 

By the time he’d strapped in his son and gotten into the car himself, you’d regained your calm and your ability to speak. “You’re bossy.”

“I’m the boss.”

“Not in this car, you’re not.” You muttered under your breath, his chuckle only dulled by the purr of the engine as the SUV roared to life. Setting the car into gear, he cast a cheeky look in your direction. 

“Oh, I know. You’ve been calling the shots here since the day I met you, and I’m just fine with that.”

He settled a hand on your knee, innocently enough, after turning on kid’s songs to match your car to keep Nyx happy. He never flinched, never even glanced at his hand on you, like it was the most normal and natural thing in the world. The scariest part, was that it felt exactly that way to you, too.

Nothing about it seemed wrong, or off, and the longer you stared at his hand, the more you wanted to take it. To lace your fingers together, set your hands in your lap after kissing his knuckles. Despite your attempts to push it down, it was seeming more and more like your ignorance of your situationship with Rhysand was making itself known.

It didn’t make sense. You were perfect together, in every other way, so why had he never made a move in this way? The spike of confused pain through your chest stung like a needle through the heart.

The drive to the ice-cream parlour didn’t give you much time to think, everything today was too fast, not enough time to think or clear your head. Before you knew it, you were pulled to a stop, Rhys climbing from the car to release his son who was practically tearing out of his car-seat to get to his favourite dessert store. He could have done with the run, the walk, anything to burn off some of that energy, but Rhys scooped him up into his arms, pressing several kisses to his son’s head, who only moaned and pushed at his father’s head.

He didn’t want kisses, he wanted sprinkles.

Too bad Rhys was beating himself up again about it all. Freeing yourself from the car to alleviate his worries, you squeezed his arm as you stepped out, shooting him a look to tell him that Nyx was more than okay. “One bumped head does not make you the world’s worst dad. Kids have accidents all the time, but look how happy he is right now.”

He didn’t need to look, shuffling his son to his hip and reaching out for your hand instead as he nodded. Lifting it up, he placed a kiss on the back of your hand before lacing your fingers together.

There was a bell tinkling over your head as Rhysand guided you into the cold store, looking for all the world, once again, like a real family, and you allowed yourself a few selfish seconds to eat it up. Finally, Nyx gained his freedom, darting over to the large glass display cabinet and plastering himself to the front of it as he took in all the flavours available today.

By the time the two of you had reached the front of the queue, he’d seemingly made up his mind, turning to stare at you both with a look on his face that could only mean trouble. 

“You pick what you want, bud?”

Rhys’ cautious tone meant he’d picked it up too, his hand squeezing a little tighter around your own when you chuckled, cutting you a glare as Nyx rolled on the balls of his feet and nodded. “I want the chocolate fudge, two scoops,” He held up two small fingers, for emphasis. “With chocolate sauce and the little fudge-chunk sprinkles.”

The woman behind the counter only laughed, staring down at him adoringly as he placed his hands on his hips, expectantly. Rhys’ eyes widened, his head shaking a little. “How about vanilla, with strawberry sauce, and rainbow sprinkles?”

“Ew, yucky, no.” Nyx’s face crumpled, and Rhysand’s jaw dropped, glancing from his son to you, and back. 

“It was your favourite last time.”

“But, this time my favourite is chocolate fudge with chocolate sauce and fudge chunks, Daddy!” Nyx stated it like it was obvious, and you tugged on your connected hands to bring an indignant Rhys’ attention to you. 

“Oh, let him have his chocolate-fudge extravaganza, he bumped his head.” Rhys’ only scowled, muttering under his breath about being ‘ganged up on’, before nodding to the woman behind the till but indicating for only one scoop. 

“You’re putting him to bed when he gets a sugar rush.” Was all Rhys could snipe back with, a smile forming on your lips against your control once again, letting him lead you over to the display stand as Nyx watched his ice-cream being constructed with rapt attention. Turning from the cabinet to you, he nudged his nose lightly against your temple, a feeling that had blood rushing to your cheeks and your head spinning at the intimacy. “The usual?”

“Yeah.” Your voice broke a little as you spoke the single syllable, and had you been capable of speaking properly at the time, you were sure you’d have been a little more embarrassed about it. 

“One raspberry victoria-sponge chunk ice-cream with, two scoops, and one triple-scoop rocky road.” He added to the order, the woman only nodding, piling them up on top of the counter as Nyx tried to reach for his, sparkles in his eyes as he stared at his sickly-sweet monstrosity in awe. 

Lifting it down for him, you stuck a wooden spoon into the cardboard cup holding it, a soft ‘thank you’ tumbling from his lips as he accepted it, cradling the pot patiently in his hands like it was a rare treasure. You remembered the same look being on Rhys’ face when he’d first held his son, the same tender and gentle astonishment, the shock in his eyes at something so special. You could only smile. 

“Darling,” Rhys tugged on your arm, your head snapping up from Nyx to look at him, only to find both his eyes and the servers on you. You hummed, brows raising, and watching Rhys balancing two ice-cream cones in his hand. “I said, can you get my wallet? It’s in my jacket pocket, your side.”

“Oh! Right, sure.” Twisting to him, he smoothed his thumb over your hand in silent appreciation as you rooted around the inside of his pocket, fingers brushing across worn black leather, and pulling it free. 

You were more than familiar with Rhys’ money and his cards, he often handed you a small fold of notes or one of his shiny cards whenever you took Nyx out or needed to buy something, refusing to ever let you pay, but you rarely held the whole wallet.

Flipping it open, your eyes scanned over the folds inside to search for the right card, but your gaze snagged on the fold of an image inside. Pinned lightly behind clear plastic, the image preserved perfectly, was a picture of you and Nyx. You remembered the moment clearly, you’d been out with the whole family, one of the rare moments that Azriel had been home at the same time Mor was back from travels and Cassian had a day off. Amren even freed the day up to sit in the park with you all, celebrating Nyx’s third birthday. Mor had been on her Polaroid camera hype, and you didn’t even know she’d snapped this picture. 

Nyx’s hands were on your face, pushing your sunglasses on upside down after he’d finished playing with them. He was stood between your legs, the sundress you’d worn that day still had small stains from the muddy bottoms of his shoes, but the smile on his face that was caught in the picture was worth it. You rubbed a hand over the plastic protecting it, treasuring that day with all of your heart, and uncovering Rhys’ writing at the bottom as you did.

‘My loves’.

“Darling, the purple card. C’mon, the ice-cream is getting warm.” He nudged you again, Nyx staring pleadingly from the ground below as he clutched his treat, still waiting, and you slipped the purple card out with your thumb. Tapping it against the car reader and being sure to add a tip to compensate for your daydreaming, you slid the card back, sliding the wallet back into his pocket as the three of you found a table.

Just because you could no longer see the picture, didn’t mean it, and, more importantly, the caption, wasn’t seared into your mind. My loves. If he truly felt that way, why hadn't Rhysand ever made a move? It didn’t make sense, you’d been here since before Nyx had even been born, almost a decade of best-friendship and flirty comments that never became anything more, while secretly harbouring a picture of you in his wallet and holding your hand, kissing your forehead and smiling in a way that read as far more than just friends.

You’d barely even settled into the booth before Nyx was digging into his ice-cream, and your hand finally being freed and you were given your cone. Twisting it around and towards yourself, your eyes narrowed a little on the chunk missing from the side, somewhere where an obviously large piece of cake had been pulled out, and your glare turned to Rhys.

“You ate some of my ice-cream?”

“We always share, stop acting so surprised about it.” He grinned, taking a large scoop from his own, and you scowled at him. 

“I hadn't even tried it yet, and you ate the best piece of cake!” He only smirked. 

“Do you want to try my ice-cream?” Nyx offered, and you turned to look at him across the table. His hand was gripping the spoon like he was stirring in a cauldron, the contents inside had been churned up into a gloopy mess, and he held a spoonful of it out to you, chocolate and fudge-covered cheeks stretched in a smile. 

“That’s okay, Nyxie, it’s all for you.” You passed your cone back to Rhys after unwrapping the napkin from around it. “Hold this, and don’t eat any more.”

He nodded dutifully, but eyed another piece of cake hidden within the ice-cream nonetheless, as he ate his own. There was a particularly large piece of dark chocolate with a marshmallow on the side of his own that he’d yet to notice, and you stored that away for revenge. Reaching across the table, you wiped at Nyx’s cheeks, unsure why you’d bothered since he was only going to end up in the same state again soon, but you did your best with the sticky mess anyway.

You gave up when he got ice-cream on your hand too, refusing to pause eating even when you tried to clean him up. Leaving the scrunched-up napkin on the table, his father only chuckled in your ear and handed you your cone back. Turning to him, you held out your other hand. Wiggling your fingers, his face pinched for a second, before he sighed, giving in. He pulled that same face every time, despite being right that you always shared, a victorious smile on your face. 

You made a point of turning the cone, flashing the delicious chunk of chocolate and marshmallow to him, watching his jaw drop to stop you, but not fast enough. Clamping your mouth down around it, you pulled the chunk free, chocolate melting across your tongue as you let out a moan of appreciation.

His eyes flared, leaning in and snatching his cone back, but leaving his face close enough to your own that when you licked over your lips, you almost licked him too. “You’re so cruel to me.”

“Payback is a… well, you know the saying.” You smirked, ensuring not to swear in front of the child across the table from you both, and he only growled a little. His eyes flickered over your face, every spot his gaze touched made your skin burst out with heat, lingering for a moment on your mouth. He smirked, raising a hand, and brushing his thumb along the edge of your mouth as he pulled back a fraction.

“You missed a spot.” He breathed, thumb slipping to settle on your chin instead, and his eyes found yours once again. The air between you both crackled like it never had before, electricity sparking between you both again, but so much more intense. “I, uhm, I’ve been meaning to talk to you lately...”

“Yeah? Well, we never see each other, I can see how it’d be hard to find the time.” You teased, his softly sighed laugh brushing over your face as his gaze held yours. Smoothing his thumb along your jaw until he was cupping your face, it was only when a drop of ice-cream dripped from your cone and onto your finger, the cold sending a jolt through you that made you gasp and snap back. 

Glancing down at it, you winced, licking away any more drops that looked like they may fall, and using Nyx’s napkin to wipe your fingers. When you turned back to Rhys he was facing the table again, eating his ice-cream and acting as though nothing had happened. The bubble was broken, whatever he was going to say he clearly wasn’t planning on anymore, and so you let it pass.

You ate your ice-creams together, conversation steadily flowing onto other topics, far safer ones, no doubt, and you did your best to clean up Nyx’s face once again. Smears of chocolate covered his cheeks, and you knew Rhys would have to scrub it off later before bed. 

The ride back to the office was where you grew to regret convincing Rhysand to allow Nyx’s choice, his sugar rush beginning to kick in at full force. He screamed his songs at the top of his lungs, loud enough to make you both wince as you drove, bouncing chaotically in his seat and threatening to break right out like a miniature beast. 

The hand, now sitting on your lower thigh rather than your knee, squeezed at a particularly loud shriek as he played with the window settings, up and down, up and down. “This is your fault.”

“I know!” You wailed, glancing back at Nyx, who was all but vibrating as he rocked side to side, giggling hysterically to himself. “I figured the sauce would be sugar-free, and fudge isn’t that much sugar, it’s like-”

“It’s half sugar!”

“What?” Your eyes widened a little, turning to look at Rhys with wide eyes, and he contained his laughter as he watched the road, trying to tune out the din from the backseat. “Regardless, I apologise for this.” There would be no calming him now.

Rhys rubbed his hand up and down your thigh softly. “I already told you, that's your problem. You think I’m going to let you go home and leave me with this?”

“I have some very important work to do-”

“Liar.” He called your bluff, and you scowled, turning your glare on his hand as it set warmth firing along all of your nerves. 

When he finally pulled back into the parking lot, it was considerably emptier than it had been when you’d left, and he spun to park across two full spaces into place beside your car. He left the car with a happy sigh, closing the noise that his son was making inside the vehicle, and rolling his neck from side to side. Finally, he opened his son’s side, lifting the boy from his chair and setting him on the concrete, where he immediately began to jump up and down, holding onto his dad’s hand.

The pair accompanied you to your car, retrieving the school bags and taking them back to their own while you gathered the correct forms from the glovebox, meeting him by the back of the SUV that made your car look tiny in comparison. You pressed them into his hands, and he tucked them into the front pocket of Nyx’s bag, setting his son off to put the bags away, who remarkably, did as told.

“I know you said no thanks, but, thank you for today. I mean it, you were so wonderful. You’re always so wonderful, I couldn't do any of this without you.”

“Any time, Rhys. You know that.” He shrugged, hands tucking into the pockets of his smart pants, leaning against the side of the car only a foot away from you.

“I know, but that doesn’t make me any less lucky to have found you, and to get to keep you in my life.” 

Small padding of feet came rushing back, bags no longer in sight but a picture clutched in his hands to be held up in the air as he came to a stop. It was decorated with pieces of glued-on dried pasta, glitter and sequins, and some splatters of paint. The most important part, though, was the drawing at the bottom. 

You’d grown used to his style of drawing now, easily able to pick out what each scribble was supposed to be, or rather, who each scribble was supposed to be, and the attempt at writing underneath. It didn’t matter, though, because he was quick to enthusiastically point it all out. 

“Look, look! It’s us! This is daddy, in purple. And this is you in blue, because it’s your favourite colour. And this is me! I’m wearing a crown.” His chest puffed up proudly, the broken piece of pasta on his head acting like a crown, and you traced the words written in matching colours under each figure. 

Daddy. Nyx. Mommy.

Casting a look up, Rhys was staring at the paper, a horribly crushing mix of longing and pain in his eyes as he stared at it, throat bobbing in a swallow, before he was blinking it away. He’d always been good at playing another role, hiding his feelings when he needed to, but you’d caught him too many times. 

All the pining and want, you’d always assumed it had been for Feyre, for the missing woman who had birthed his son, but when his eyes met yours, the façade cracking just a touch, you allowed yourself to wonder if maybe it was for you. Whatever it was today, this last few months, it was something new. It was like those walls you’d built up were finally crumbling, he was fighting through his own, and he let out a shaky sigh. 

He let Nyx lower the photo, occupied with admiring his artwork. He leaned down, lips finding your cheek and lingering there in a soft kiss. You hooked a finger under his chin, twisting his head up until your noses were brushing, his eyes snapping open wide before you, as your lips brushed lightly. “What are you doing?”

“Well, I was thinking about kissing you.” You whispered, your voice shaking as you second-guessed yourself, second-guessed it all. His hand found your hip, smoothing around to sit on your lower back and tugging you close enough that your chests pressed together, his forehead resting on yours. 

He didn’t pull away, he didn’t stop you, he just gave you your chance to decide. 

So, you did. 

You leaned up, pressing your lips to his in a delicate kiss that set your stomach into a frenzy of butterflies, and drew a soft noise from Rhys as he tightened his hold on you. After only a second of hesitation, he kissed you back, a push and pull with his lips that was as intoxicating as it was grounding. You felt like you were floating, tethered only to him as you gave into a desire you never thought you could have, his lips melding to yours in slow drags. 

It felt like it went on forever, and you were certain that you could easily have stayed there, just like that, for the rest of your life. 

When he let you breathe, when your mouths fell only an inch apart, you wanted to nudge closer to him once again, to seal yourself back to him, to sink into him wholly and entirely and never come apart again. If the tight grip he had on your hip was any indication, Rhysand felt the same way.

The fog cleared after a few moments, and he shifted back some more, eyes fluttering open once again, and this time, they were filled with questions. Swirling in the violet like a storm brewing at dusk, and you lifted a hand, running a finger over his cheek lightly, and smiling when his head tipped into your touch. 

“I’m so telling Uncle Azzy that you kissed Daddy.”

You practically jumped out of your skin, having forgotten about the babbling little boy at your feet, who was now staring up at you both in nothing but shock and smugness, one hand planted on his hip as the picture that had sealed the deal hung limply from the other.

“Daddy and-” You scooped him up before he could even get started into that little riddle, the taunting making your cheeks warm, even if he was only four, and making your way back toward the car. Rhys shuffled along behind you in a silent daze, holding the door open for you and standing by as you tucked Nyx back into his car seat. He never gave up on his childlike-smirk. 

“How about some dinner, huh? A little someone can have his favourite mac n’ cheese.”

“It's me! It’s me!” He cheered happily, and you took the opportunity while his arms were raised to strap the belt around his waist, sealing him back into the chair as his arms strapped through the other two. “I’m calling Uncle Azzy tonight. And Uncle Cassie.”

“You do that, Nyxie.” You bopped the end of his nose, switching on the small TV set that was attached to the headrest to face his way, and watching it load up. You could feel Rhys’ stare burning into you, like a fire crawling along your skin, impatient and needy and desperate for answers, making you grateful for this small distraction as you scrolled the shows on the tablet.

Like a warning, a warning not to make him wait much longer, Rhys settled one large hand over your hip, squeezing tightly and tugging you a fraction out of the car towards him, a shiver travelling down your spine. You hit play on the first show up. 

Backing out of the car to close the door, you didn’t get far, Rhys didn’t move, only pulling your body back into his with the grip on your waist, slamming the door shut for you and leaving you pressed to him. In a quick spin, he had your back pressed to the cold metal of the car, out of sight of his son and closed in by your own, the cold metal making for a relieving contrast to the heat. 

“Do it again.” There was a pleading note to his voice, his sights fixed entirely on your mouth now as he bit down on his lower lip, his forehead coming to rest on yours. “Kiss me again.”

You took your time, teasing him just a little, by running your hands up his arms, over his shoulders as he tensed, until you were holding his face. He sagged closer to you, like he couldn't even hold himself up anymore, pinning you between his body and the car. With a sweep of your thumbs over his cheeks, his eyes closed, noses brushing in sweet motions until he gave an aggravated breath at the waiting.

At long last, you gave in, closing the gap between you both once again. This time, he let out a soft moan when your mouths connected. He kissed like a man starved, like a man who had waited every moment of his life for this. It was like your first taste of air after being underwater, his mouth insistent and unrelenting, like he was memorising the way it felt to kiss you.

You gave him all you had, committing every part of him to memory too. Every sound he made, the way he panted against your lips before diving back in, teeth scraping your lower lip and sucking softly, before following it with a sharp nip. He ruined everyone else, no kiss you’d ever had compared to this and nothing else ever would. 

When his tongue smoothed over your lower lip, you were forced to pull back, to try and think somewhat clearly, one of you had to, because if you let this go on anymore, you weren’t sure you could stop. His hand was already shifting, exploring, dragging his fingertips up your spine to tangle in your hair, and you lowered yours to his shoulders, pushing him back just enough to take a breath that didn’t taste like him. 

He groaned, licking over his swollen lips to take away the taste of you, his eyes darker than before when they found you again, and you pressed your lips together to fight temptation. “You should… you should get our boy home.”

At that, he blinked, his gaze softening endlessly at the endearing claim, and his hand let your hair go to slip back to your back. Pulling you closer, he pressed a wet kiss to your cheek, nodding against your temple as he left a kiss there too. When he pulled back, it was to simply stare. There was nothing hidden now, the kind of dumb-in-love look shining in his eyes that you couldn't miss. Had it always been there, and you’d just never seen it before, or had he just stopped hiding it?

“You okay, Rhysie?”

He melted into you at the nickname you rarely brought out, eyes shining as he continued to stare. “So, so very okay, darling.”

Silence lingered between you both, the same comfortable quiet it had been since day one. No matter what, no matter how anxious or nervous or rattling, Rhys always had a way of making you feel at ease. You felt so vulnerable, and yet so safe with him, voice coming out in a whisper to speak into the gap between you both, “Can I ask you a question, Rhys?”

“Are you going to ask me if we can have carbonara with chicken for dinner again?” He teased, putting your nerves even more at ease, or maybe it was for his own, by making a joke. 

You indulged him, “It’s a classic for a reason, because it’s so good. Besides, who said I’m coming for dinner, anyway?”

“You think there’s any way I’m going to be able to let go of you now?” He mumbled, head dropping down to rest on your shoulder instead, and you chuckled, feeling his lips press a soft kiss to your shoulder through your jumper. “What did you really want to ask?”

That brought the nerves back in full force. “Why did nothing ever, y’know, happen between us?”

His head snapped up, eyes widening to look at you, but no words came from his parted lips. 

“Don’t you ever think about it, Rhys? I mean, look at us. There’s so much that would work, and I guess-”

“Of course I think about it.” He breathed the words in a rush, and your jaw snapped shut as words finally began to pour out of him, unrestrained and uncontrolled. “I think about it all the time. Every minute of every day you’re on my mind.”

“Rhys…” He let out a slow breath, but there was no stopping him now. You’d uncorked the bottle, the contents unable to be stopped from spilling. 

“Since the day I met you all those years ago, I knew that I would hold onto you for the rest of my life. I couldn't let you go. But, I was a stupid kid who just inherited a company, and I was terrified of that. I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. You just dropped into my life and filled holes and cracks I didn’t know I had, you made me feel complete. I fell for you, so hard and so fast, and I was so godsdamned scared of that.” He looked away, unable to look at you any longer, and swallowing thickly. 

“So, we became friends…”

“So, we became friends.” He repeated, sighing like he couldn't hold the weight of the world anymore. “I thought, selfishly, that I could hold onto you as my best friend, until I was ready for more. That it would be fine. I was too slow, though, and you started dating Lucien.”

Your mind flickered back, hardly remembering the man you’d been with for only a couple of months almost six years ago, flashes of red hair and tanned skin in your mind recalling it.

“He was good to you, and I hated that. I hated him, but I wanted you to be happy. But, I was so miserable. I was so sickeningly, maddeningly, obviously in love with you, and I had to do something before you noticed. So, I dated Feyre. It wasn’t… we moved too quickly, too fast. I threw myself into it and then she got pregnant. Nyx came along, and she abandoned him. I thought I’d lose you too. I was scared again, but you stayed. You helped with everything, you made it better.” 

His voice started to crack, and so your arms raised, looping around his neck, pulling him in until his forehead was pressed to your own. 

“I wasn’t scared when you were there. You taught me everything, you stayed for every step. I knew within days that you should have been Nyx’s mother, that being with you like this was all I’d ever want, I started to want everything cliché, a white picket fence and a little house of our own and a street where Nyx could learn to ride a bike with us. I mean, I picked out the house you liked best from the viewings even though it was gonna cost so fuckin’ much to renovate and repair and clean, but it was so worth it.” He laughed emptily, and you sniffed back tears.

“I had no idea.”

“I know, I never told you. I wanted you to see your dream house without the guilt.” He rubbed at his nose, and you kissed his cheeks, feeling him smile under your lips as you did, stopping the tears clinging to his lashes from falling. “But, you were still with Lucien, so I settled to take what I could get. If having you as my friend, helping me raise him like this, was all I could ever have, I’d take it. Then, you weren’t, and I thought maybe you’d be heartbroken about your break-up, or sad, and I wanted to give you time. I gave you too much time, I was a coward, I was nothing but a lonely man who already had a son. I couldn't offer you all the things you wanted anymore. I couldn't travel or go out and party or do anything. I’m always working or with my boy, and I didn’t want you to be forced to take that on.”

You were shocked, his candour had left you breathless, and he sniffled lightly, blinking away the tears he was unwilling to let drop. “We broke up because of you.”

“What?” He let himself look up, to you, of all the expectations he’d seemingly braced himself for, this obviously wasn’t it.

“Lucien and I. He- he said, understandably, that it felt strange to have a relationship with a woman who was practically a part of another family. It made him feel like some sort of home-wrecker. He didn’t say it, and he never would’ve, he was a good man, but it was a choice. You and Nyx, or him.” Giving the best smile you could despite the emotions overwhelming you, he matched it with a watery laugh. “I didn’t even have to think about it. That’s why I was never sad.”

“You chose us.”

“I’ll always choose you.” Your smiles were real this time, shared and intimate and frighteningly tender. “So, the real question, is whether you’re still sickeningly, maddeningly in love with me?”

“You forgot ‘obviously’. I can’t believe you don’t know it, I haven’t been subtle. I tell everyone you’re my wife, and let them believe you’re Nyx’s mom.” Your scoff only made him smirk, smacking at his shoulder lightly, pushing him away only to have him grip you tighter, tugging you closer to him. 

“I knew those weren’t ‘little mistakes’, or miscommunications!” He only shrugged, dipping back in, every intention clear as he moved slowly. 

“I intended to tell you today, and so many other times, but I was always so scared of losing you.” The confession hung between you both, the unspoken promises and words as he tried to give you a chance to leave, to back away, to call it too much, but you didn’t. 

You let him kiss you, let him kiss you until your lungs burned for oxygen and your head was spinning, and it felt like hours had passed by as you learned one another’s mouths. You let him kiss you until you were sure he understood that you felt the same, that you always had.

“I still love you. I will always love you. You don’t just get over this kind of love.”

You could only grin at him, cheeks aching but you didn’t care, because you couldn't have contained your happiness even if you’d wanted to. “Good, because it would have been horrible if my feelings were unrequited.”

“Never.” A few more stolen kisses, mumbled promises between them. “So, you’ll follow us home for dinner?”

The leap in your chest at the word home was enough to make you breathless, the knowledge you now had that he’d chosen it just for you, in hopes you’d one day live with them. It was almost too much to bear. “Only if you’re making carbonara. And garlic bread.”

“I’ll make you anything you want if it means you’ll keep kissing me.” You hummed, pressing another peck to his lips before managing to disentangle yourself, despite his complaints and tight hold.

“I’ll see you soon, where we can continue this.”

“Don’t take too long, I’ll miss you too much.” He winked, looking messy and kiss-ruined as you stepped back to fully take him in. His shirt was rumpled, his blazer was a little askew, and his cheeks were flushed red, swollen lips to match. 

He was perfect. 

“Hurry home to us, darling.”

[steddielations]

Wayne pov, implied neglect, abandonment

Wayne gets a call from Hawkins Elementary that Eddie hasn’t been to school in two days.

They couldn’t get ahold of Al on the phone, as usual. Wayne hopes his suspicions are wrong, but he already knows what he’s going to find when he shows up to the shabby old house on Philadelphia street with a McDonald’s bag in hand.

His knock on the door goes unanswered, but he sees small fingers and big round eyes peeking through the side window blinds. 

“Hey, Eddie, it’s your Uncle Wayne. Open the door, it’s alright.”

Eddie shuffles away from the window, but there’s still no answer.

“You hungry? I brought those nugget things you like, that’s all. Some kinda toy in here too.”

After a moment, the door slowly opens a sliver. One big button eye peeks through the crack and a pale skinny arm reaches out.

Wayne hands over the food. “Gonna let me come inside?” 

Eddie’s arm snakes back in with the bag like a claw machine. But after another moment, the door swings open fully, revealing Eddie in rumpled clothes at least a couple days worn. The shadows under his eyes tell Wayne all he needs to know.

“Dad’s gone to the store,” Eddie smiles nervously, he didn’t inherit Al’s ability to lie behind it. “He said he’ll be right back.”

Wayne just nods as he comes inside. One look around confirms what he already knew. By the window, there’s a blanket and a scatter of candy wrappers and empty soda cans where Eddie’s been sleeping. Waiting and watching the driveway for Al.

This wouldn’t be the first time Al’s gone off and left Eddie to fend for himself. Wayne’s been helping out as much as he can since Eddie’s poor mama passed. He doesn’t know much about raising kids but he knows Al’s one dumb selfish bastard to be leaving Eddie alone for days since the ripe age of 8.

Wayne ignores the twist in his chest and the stab of anger he feels and doesn’t mention it. He follows Eddie to the coffee table in front of the couch where Eddie digs into the McDonald’s sack.

“School called and said you weren’t there. You feelin’ bad?” He reaches out, gently pushing back Eddie’s wild curls to feel his forehead. He’s surprised Eddie lets him, too busy scarfing down chicken nuggets. “No fever.” Wayne notes, but Eddie’s hair needs a good wash.

Eddie’s narrow shoulders slump a bit. He doesn’t look at Wayne, tearing open his chocolate milk with his teeth. 

“I just— didn’t wanna go today. I hate school. Miss Taylor always gives me a bad behavior grade even when I act the best in class. She calls me Junior. Munson Junior.”

“Thought you liked being called Junior. Like your dad.”

Eddie shrugs, those shadows darkening on him. “Everyone forgets I have my own name too. Sometimes I just wanna be Eddie.”

Already, he’s feeling the weight of his last name. Al taught him to hotwire the second he turned 10 and how to pick locks even before that. Munson tradition, Al wouldn’t listen when Wayne told him that’s bullshit. What seem like cool tricks to Eddie now already make him guilty in everyone’s eyes. Wayne’s been feeling it all his life, thanks to his old man and now Eddie’s got Al to thank for making it even worse.

“That’s good, you just keep reminding them,” Wayne says, being careful with his next words. “When you finish that, why don’t you go pack a bag, alright? You can come stay with me until your dad gets back.”

Eddie goes stiff, chewing slower now. “It— it hasn’t been long. He said he’d be right back.” His eyes drift over to Wayne, checking to see if he buys it. Wayne doesn’t. So Eddie huffs, “I wanna stay here. I hate the trailer park.”

That’s just him repeating Al’s shit talk, so Wayne doesn’t take offense. “Your friend’s been askin’ about you. That little girl next door.”

Eddie perks up at that, “Ronnie?” Wayne nods and thinks that does the trick for a second, but Eddie stubbornly sulks again. “I can’t go. Dad told me to stay here until he gets back.”

“Well, you shouldn’t be here alone. You don’t have to be.”

“I’m not scared to stay by myself,” Eddie insists, sitting up straighter, looking even younger trying to look older. “Dad said I’m not a little kid anymore. I’m 10 now and I can look after myself. He taught me to use the stove and everything. I always do fine on my own.”

“So he’s been leaving a lot, then? You know you can call me to come pick you up,” Wayne tries not to frame it like it’s Eddie’s fault, pointing to where his phone number is pinned on the fridge with a magnet.

Eddie’s lip wobbles despite how he tries to square his jaw.

“There’s nothing wrong.”

“You ain’t—”

“You said to call if I need you and I don’t need you, Wayne! I'm fine!”

Eddie shoves the food away, his eyes wide and shiny when he cuts them back to Wayne. Not glaring with anger, just hurt. 

“It’s not fine,” Wayne tells him, gentle as the first time he held him, just a tiny thing all bundled up in Elizabeth’s knitting. “Your dad’s got his head in his ass again. You can’t stay here on your own, no matter what he said. I ain’t leaving you by yourself.”

“I’m not going.” Eddie’s more pleading now than arguing. “I have to stay here so Dad can find me when he gets back. Don’t you get that? If I’m not here, I won’t see him.”

That’s what it’s really about, Eddie thinking it’s his responsibility to keep up with his Dad. Instead of the other way around.

“If he comes looking for you, he’ll know where to find you.” But Al won’t. It’s never Eddie that he comes back for. Wayne doesn’t tell Eddie that, but now Eddie’s starting to learn that on his own. Al proved it to him time and time again.

“Why do you even care?” Eddie’s angry now. But it’s not really Wayne that he’s mad at. They both know that.

“It’s alright, son, c’mon now.” Wayne reaches for him but Eddie quickly pushes his hand away.

“You aren’t my dad.” Tears escape with the words, and seeing his pain hurts Wayne more than anything he could say, or do. He pushes Wayne again. “So why do you care? Why are you here?”

He doesn’t need an answer, he just needs to let it out.

So Wayne sits there while Eddie shoves his chest and cries harder, “You aren’t my dad. Why do you care?” Wayne curls his hands around Eddie’s smaller ones as the question turns to, “Why aren’t you?” Then it’s a broken little sob of, “Why aren’t you my dad?”

Wayne catches Eddie when he finally tires himself out, and instead of pushing Wayne away, Eddie’s clinging to him. Eddie’s holding on like Wayne’s all he’s got left in the world. Wayne hugs Eddie to his chest, wishing there was more he could do.

Al put a hole in Eddie and he’s digging it deeper everyday, one that Wayne won’t ever quite fit into. He tries to fill it the best he can, giving Eddie the only bedroom in the trailer, going to the talent show because Al never makes good on his promises to be there for Eddie, not letting Eddie stay in this damn house alone waiting for someone who’s never gonna show up. Maybe Wayne’s not that someone, but he can still be here for Eddie. And he’s gonna be.

“C’mon, let’s get you outta here.”

[jo-speaks]

Happy birthday 💕💕💕 I would like to request 🍩 2 am and they're at your doorstep, crying, as they say, "i don't want to go to sleep-with this hanging between us, im so so sorry." With nico pleasee

warnings: very slight angst, arguing, that's it honestly, this is relatively fluffy.

wc: 640

Nico’s chest felt heavy, the mattress holding his weight doing nothing to alleviate the ache. 

The two of you had gotten into an argument over conflicting schedules, something neither of you could do anything about. Thus, resulting in you spending the night in your own apartment. Something you hadn’t done in months. He was mad he didn’t try and stop you, the space feeling vacant as your warmth wasn’t there to fill it. 

“What do you want me to do about that? Not all of us can be professional athletes and leave whenever we want!” You yelled, your hands flailing as you tried to make your point.

Nico sighed, “I’m not saying leave for a week! All I want is for you to show up to this game because it’s important to me!”

He tried his best to be the calm one in this situation, but with two rising tempers in one room that seemed to be an impossible task. 

“And I already told you I asked and I was told no.”

“So ask again!”

You rolled your eyes, letting out an exasperated breath, “God damn it Nico, are you stupid? This isn’t elementary school where you can just write me a note and get me excused for the day!”

Letting out a heavy sigh, he reached for his phone. Noticing the time displayed being 2 am, he tried to leave the conversation for tomorrow, but when he pulled up the text messages between the two of you, his eyebrows knit together. Your location was displayed at the top of his screen, showing you were very much not at your apartment.

You were at his.

He barely had time to process the information as there was a soft knock at his door, immediately shooting up to open it. The sight tugged on his heart as he took in your figure. Tears stained your cheeks, still flowing steadily as you looked up at Nico. He immediately pulled you inside, noticing your body shivering from the cold Jersey air.

“Are you okay?” He asked, holding the side of your arms to keep you in front of him.

“I don’t want to go to sleep with this hanging between us. I’m sorry, Nico. I’m so sorry.”  You let a sob out, struggling to keep your voice steady.

He shook his head, pulling you close to his chest, wanting to strip the guilt from your body and throw it out the door. He held you tight, wanting to warm you up while also comforting you.

“You have nothing to apologize for, my love. I’m sorry. I know it’s hard.” He reassured.

He was right. It is hard having your boyfriend be away more than it is having him there. You knew exactly what you were getting into when you began dating Nico. You knew he would be gone a lot, you just hadn’t expected it to hurt as much as it does. 

The apartment was silent as he lifted you up slowly, shut the door, and made his way back to bed. His grip didn’t falter in the slightest as he laid down with you, resting your head on his chest and rubbing slow circles on your back.

He noticed your flow of tears start to slow, drowsiness replacing your previous emotions. Your eyes began to flutter shut, wanting nothing more but to fall asleep in your boyfriend’s hold. Nico didn’t attempt to stop you, no matter how much you both needed to talk about how to handle this going forward.

However, he didn’t miss the mumbled, “You’re not stupid. I love you.”, that slipped out of your mouth before letting yourself submit to your exhaustion.

Nico laughed quietly, pressing a kiss to your forehead as he let himself get comfortable with you in his arms, right where you belonged.

“I love you too.”

[where-is-vivian]

james kindergarten teacher AU

original idea | microfic (497 words): @my-castles-crumbling | comic: me!

It wasn’t that Regulus was dreading picking up Luna. It was just that his niece was a very special exception to his rule: children were terrifying.

Even Luna was scary sometimes, and she often smelled a bit like paste, and he had to push aside his dislike for cheerful music when around her. It was more that Regulus loved Luna, as a person and as his niece, than the fact that she was a child. Being a child was more of a flaw that he kindly overlooked.

So when he drove to Godric’s Hollow Elementary to pick her up at precisely 3:15pm, it was while he grumbled and rolled his eyes, and wished he didn’t have such a soft heart for the kindergartener, who had insisted on him picking her up that day.

But he’d given in like putty in her hands, so here he was, standing at the edge of the playground with all of the harried-looking parents, wishing he could be waiting in his car.

He spotted Luna quickly- her blonde hair almost glowing in the sun, a glob of purple paint smeared across her cheek as she smiled angelically. But even as he smiled at her and held out his arms, he was quickly distracted. 

Because the teacher leading Luna’s class outside was gorgeous, with dark messy hair and tan skin, and muscles far too defined to be legal for an educator. His energy reminded Regulus of another child, the way he bounded over the walkway, laughing with the students and waving to parents waiting for their children, paint speckled all over his face and wrinkled shirt. Regulus was mesmerized.

But his awe turned to horror when Luna grabbed his hand confidently and pulled him towards Regulus, who quickly closed his mouth and tried to look less like he was hit by Cupid’s arrow.

“Mister P!” Luna sang, a grin on her face that looked almost like she knew. “This is my Uncle Reg!”

And ‘Mister P’ pushed his sleeves up on his arms a bit while giving Regulus a warm smile before saying, “James Potter. Nice to meet you.”

But before Regulus could greet the teacher properly, Luna whispered conspiratorially, “He’s pretty, huh, Uncle Reggie? You guys should be friends! Maybe have a playdate?”

Regulus had never gone redder in his life. He’d never felt more caught off-guard, either. Usually he took Luna’s funny statements in stride, and he was able to quite easily talk himself out of most situations. But now? “Luna! That’s- I-” he stuttered, mouth opening and closing like a fish.

“It’s always good to make more friends, Luna,” James nodded seriously to the small girl, before looking over at Regulus. “Of course, Regulus would need to want to be my friend. But if you do,” he said, directly addressing him, “I’m free. For a, erm, play date.”

And somehow, Regulus ended up leaving the school with not just his niece, but a new phone number in his phone.

CLOSE-UPS!

[novascharms]

teach please me — tutor!reader x soccer player!rafe

reader's life is meticulously planned, from high school to becoming president of the country—she knows exactly where she's headed and every step to get there. but her airtight plan hits a snag when the principal ropes her into tutoring rafe cameron, the school’s star soccer player, who’s failing algebra and at risk of being benched next season. the team needs him on the field, and reader needs the principal’s glowing recommendation to secure her spot at her dream school. balancing her ambitious goals with rafe’s chaotic charm might just throw her perfectly crafted plan off track.

word count — 1.9 chapter index — prev. chap. — next chap.  masterlist a.n — ANOTHER ONE? i feel like dj khaled not gonna lie.

eighteen

friday, february 28th

you were sitting in the nearly deserted common area, the hum of quiet conversation and faint footsteps serving as the only background noise. your laptop was open in front of you, the screen aglow with the fifth slide of the powerpoint presentation you’d been meticulously crafting for the upcoming pta meeting. even though you didn’t have class on friday mornings, you always made your way to school as it was easier to stay focused here, surrounded by the muted energy of the school, than at home.

the quiet was a blessing, giving you the space to concentrate. earlier, rafe had been sitting beside you, devouring a breakfast sandwich while making you laugh between bites. but he’d left for his econ class, leaving you to the silence, though the warmth of his presence still lingered faintly.

you were so engrossed in formatting the slide’s text that the sudden motion of someone sliding into the booth across from you startled you. your eyes snapped up, narrowing at the unexpected intrusion. "topper," you said flatly, blinking in surprise as you instinctively reached for your phone. rafe wasn’t expecting you to text him, but if his best friend was suddenly here, uninvited, it felt worth a heads-up.

"can we talk?" topper’s tone was surprisingly earnest, catching you off guard.

your mind flashed to the biting comments he’d made about you in the past, and the instinctive urge to say no bubbled up. but then you remembered the way rafe had once spoken about topper, calling him a brother, someone who’d been at his side since elementary school. that memory made you pause.

"maybe you should just talk to rafe," you suggested carefully, already closing your laptop. rafe was meeting you here after class anyway; you could just wait for him outside instead of dealing with whatever this was.

but topper leaned forward, stopping you. "i have stuff to say to rafe too, but right now, i want to talk to you. i need to apologize," he said, his voice low and serious. the words were so unexpected that they left you momentarily speechless. you’d been bracing for another snide remark, not this.

"okay," you said slowly, settling back into your seat.

he nodded, leaning back and running a hand through his hair. "rafe’s been my best friend for over ten years," he began, his voice carrying the weight of those years. "we’ve been through everything together. and he’s been through a lot. if he’s serious about you—and it seems like he is—then i’m guessing he’s told you about sarah."

you nodded. "yeah, he did."

"the worst of it with sarah was not that long ago," topper continued, his gaze dropping to the table for a moment before meeting yours again. "i won’t get into the details—that’s not my story to tell—but it hit him hard. he went into this… dark place. he felt isolated and abandoned, and he leaned on me. a lot. when i wasn’t there, he’d self-destruct. sometimes it was just picking fights; other times, it was worse. hospital-worse."

his words hung heavy in the air as you fiddled nervously with your fingers. you tried to imagine rafe like that, spiraling and untethered, but it was hard to reconcile with the version of him you knew.

"i got used to the idea that we were kind of… intertwined," topper admitted. "like, if something happened to him, i’d be the first to know. and yeah, maybe we can talk about unhealthy boundaries or whatever, but that’s how it was. so when things got rocky between you and him… and he wouldn’t talk to me about it? it scared the hell out of me." his voice cracked slightly, the vulnerability in his words cutting through your initial wariness. "i was afraid he’d snap, that he’d go back to being that kid who destroyed everything around him because he didn’t know how to deal with his pain and emotions."

your mind raced, trying to process everything he was saying, trying to reconcile this part of rafe’s life with the person you thought you knew so well.

topper seemed to notice the wide-eyed look on your face and softened his tone. "i’m not saying this to make you feel bad, okay? really, i’m not. i just want to explain why i acted like such an asshole to you.” he explains, “when rafe shuts me out, i feel powerless. and when i thought you were hurting him, i went into defense mode. i see now that i was wrong, that you’re good for him. he’s more in control of his emotions, maturing faster than i thought he would. he’s happy, even if he’s still not talking to me. that’s all i want—for him to be happy."

you crossed your arms, nodding slowly as his words settled over you. "this makes a lot more sense now," you admitted quietly, your voice soft but sincere.

topper gave you a sad smile. "yeah, i figured it would."

"and… i appreciate the apology," you added, your lips curving into a small smile.

he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "i shouldn’t have acted the way i did. honestly, i drink way too much and should probably be banned from my phone when i do."

you let out a small laugh. "i did say that at the bonfire," you teased, a playful lilt in your voice.

topper’s brows furrowed for a moment before his eyes lit up with recognition. "you did say that shit at the bonfire. damn. you were right." he chuckled, shaking his head. "is it too late for dry january?"

you grinned, leaning back in your seat. "there's a ton of research and discussion that suggests new year's resolutions like dry january, extreme fitness routines, or restrictive diets are not always as beneficial as they may seem. experts even highlight that true freedom lies in understanding that the opportunity for change is not confined to a specific date and the essence of free will is recognising that you can choose to start new on any day of the year. whether that's january first or..i don't know, today. "

topper blinked at you, then smirked. "you’re like a walking wikipedia page."

"i’ll take that as a compliment," you replied, pressing a hand to your heart in mock pride.

"it is a compliment," he assured you. "or at least, i don’t mean it in a bad way."

"that definitely makes up for when you called me a ‘goody-goody prissy bitch,’" you teased, raising a brow.

topper grimaced, his hand flying to his face. "i’m really, really sorry about that," he groaned.

you waved it off with a smile. "all is forgiven."

before topper can respond, he’s yanked to his feet with a force that makes the table tremble. "what the fuck do you think you're doing?" rafe’s voice cuts through the air, sharp and angry, as he stands nose to nose with topper. you scramble up from the booth, heart racing as you reach out to steady the situation. "rafe—" you try to interject, your voice calm but firm, but topper shakes his head at you.

"i’m sorry, okay?" topper blurts out, words tumbling from his mouth like he’s been holding them back for days. "you won’t hear me out, and i know you’re pissed. i deserve it. but i had to apologise and explain myself—to you and her." he glances at you briefly before focusing back on rafe. "you know me, man. you know i only want what’s good for you. don’t sit there and tell me that’s not true."

rafe’s jaw tightens, his piercing gaze darting from topper to you. his voice is curt when he asks, "he said sorry?"

you nod quickly, your eyes searching his for any flicker of calm. "yes. we’re all good. it’s okay."

after a tense pause, rafe finally releases topper with a sharp exhale, though his stance remains rigid. "apologise again," he orders, the edge in his tone leaving no room for argument.

topper’s shoulders slump, but he complies without hesitation, turning back to you. "y/n, i’m really sorry. i was being a dick. you didn’t deserve any of it," he repeats earnestly, his gaze steady despite the awkwardness.

you soften at his sincerity, shaking your head as you murmur, "it’s okay." rafe’s hand slides into yours then, grounding you in the moment.

"and you’ll…" rafe starts, his voice trailing off before a smirk curves his lips. "wash her bike for her."

your head snaps toward him, incredulous. "what?" the word spills from your mouth in disbelief, but rafe doesn’t even glance your way.

you whirl back to topper, shaking your head insistently. "topper, you don’t have to wash my bike. that’s ridiculous—"

"he’ll wash your bike," rafe interrupts, his tone so matter-of-fact it’s almost comical. "he wants to wash your bike. tell her you want to wash her bike."

"rafe," topper groans, dragging a hand over his face, clearly over this already.

before either of you can argue further, rafe’s grip tightens on your hand, and he starts pulling you away. "no, no! okay! fucking hell, i’ll wash the damn bike!" topper calls after you, voice strained with exasperation.

rafe stops, glances over his shoulder, and arches a brow. "yeah? you’ll wash it?"

topper throws his hands up in defeat. "yes. i’ll wash it," he mutters.

you shake your head at rafe, disbelief mixing with fondness. "you’re unbelievable, you know that?" you tell him as he leads you back to the booth.

rafe just smirks, sliding in beside you and tugging you close. topper drops back into the seat across from you, his face a mix of annoyance and resignation. "yes, he knows that," topper says dryly, earning a quiet chuckle from rafe.

"you should be happy about this," rafe quips, leaning back like he’s already won. "didn’t you know cleaning can burn up to 400 calories an hour?"

your heart warms despite yourself, and you glance at him, surprised. "you were listening when i said that?"

he gives you a pointed look, one that’s equal parts teasing and affectionate. "you keep underestimating me. you know that?"

grinning, you nudge him gently. "shame on me," you reply, your voice light with humor as you tuck your laptop into your bag. "i’m gonna go say hi to hazel real quick. i’ll be right back."

you gesture for him to move so you can slide out of the booth, but instead, he loops an arm around you and lifts you over his lap like it’s the most natural thing in the world. you barely manage to stifle a surprised laugh as you land on the other side, shooting him a playful glare before walking away.

as you approach hazel, you’re trying—and failing—to act completely normal, though the light skip in your step probably gives you away. "hiii," you greet her, sliding into the seat across from her.

hazel raises a brow, glancing past you. "heyyy. is that freaking topper sitting with you and rafe?"

you laugh, shaking your head. "yeah. he came to talk to me about ten minutes ago when i was sitting alone. he apologised for everything."

hazel’s jaw drops, her pen frozen mid-air. "that’s… wow. what a turn of events. so, he and rafe are good again?"

you glance over at the two boys, now laughing together like nothing had ever been wrong. "all good. topper’s not as bad as i thought he was."

"who would've thought?"

your chin comes to rest in your palm as you stare at hazel, stupid grin on your face.

"stop smiling so much." she laughs and you can't contain your grin. "why not?" you ask her, "can i not be reallyyy happy?"

hazel hums thoughtfully, turning her attention back to paper. "of course you can. just be careful. but anyway, i was talking to gisele, and we came up with a great idea for the double-booking problem." she dives into an explanation, and you’re quick to join the discussion, feeling an odd sense of peace settle over you.

everything feels like it’s finally clicking into place, like it was always meant to happen this way. and the miraculous part? you get to keep rafe through it all.

chapter index — prev. chap. — next chap.

a.n — but do you reallyyyyyyy get to keep him? whooo knows. anyway, chapter 19 tomorrow and chapter 20 sat — epilogue on sundayyyyyy

taglist — @rafeysworldim19 @my-name-is-baby @pogueprincesa @fveapplestall @chalametlover444 @slutglimreqpers @uarmyhopeworldwide @junxe3 @bakuhoethotski @wintercrows @kinderwh0r3 @magicalflowerstranger @bigjuli444 @singlethreadofivy @stylestarkey

let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist & interact with post to remain tagged <3

[tip-top-cloud-surfer]

I'll Be Home for Christmas - Bob

Pairing: Bob / Female!Reader

Word Count: 1.4k

This work, all my works, and my entire blog are 18+ Only

Warnings: Some Crying and Slight Angst; No Physical Descriptions of Reader; Reader is a Teacher; Use of "You" but No Y/N

Summary: Bob promised you that he would be home for Christmas.

Master List

Dating a naval aviator wasn’t easy. Bob's schedule was erratic and never usually worked in their favor. He could be in one place one day and a completely different continent the next or out in the middle of the ocean. And it wasn’t easy to communicate with him when he was deployed. Emails and letters were about all you could usually manage. 

For Bob, you would do it all over again to keep him in your life. But that didn’t make the holiday season any easier. 

Bob, along with the other Daggers, had been deployed for the last six months. Somewhere in the Pacific, that was all that you knew. He told you that they would be docking today and so you waited outside the school where you worked, anxiously waiting for his call. The call about whether or not he would be home in time for Christmas or not. 

Fiddling with the necklace that he bought you for your one year anniversary nearly three years ago now, you sucked in a breath when your phone started to ring. The photo of you and Bob on the hike you took on his birthday last year.

“Bobby?” you called softly, answering the call. 

“Hi, honey,” he returned, his voice sounding clearer than it usually did on these types of calls. “How are you?”

“Better now that I’m talking to you,” you replied, smiling bashfully. “What about you?”

“Exhausted.”

“What time is it over there?”

“Pretty late.”

“Well, thanks for staying up to talk to me,” you stated, a bit concerned about Bob. He was uncharacteristically short with his sentences. “How’s Phoenix and the boys?” 

“We’re all good.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Did you get the care package that I sent you?” you asked softly, fiddling with your necklace.

“Oh, yeah, I did, Honey. Thank you for sending it.” 

“Did you send a video over to Leslie? She was putting a movie together for the kids.” 

“Yeah, I did, Honey. She’s got it.” 

“Thank you for doing that. The kids will really appreciate it.” After a moment of silence on the other end of the line, you asked, “Are you okay, Bobby?”

“I’m fine,” Bob replied, his voice cracking a bit. 

“Bobby.”

“Honey, I’m . . . I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“I'm not sure that I’ll make it home in time for Christmas,” Bob revealed, causing your heart to shatter in your chest. 

“It’s okay, Bobby. It’s not your fault. There’s always other holidays.”

“I’m so sorry, Honey. I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”

“Don’t worry about me. Just focus on coming home safely. Whenever that is.”

“I will. I love you so much.”

“I love you too. And I really miss you,” you replied, your voice breaking at the end. 

“I really miss you too. And I’m so sorry, Honey.”

“Stop apologizing, Bobby. Just come home safe and that’s good enough for me. I love you.”

“I love you too. Bye, Honey.”

“Bye, Bobby.”

Hanging up the phone, you sniffled and wiped your tears away. You let out a steadying breath, trying to calm yourself down, before grabbing your bags and heading inside the elementary school where you worked. 

It was the last day of school before Christmas Break and so, it was your class’s Christmas party. You got to school early to set up, but now you might need to use the time to gather yourself. Opening the cabinet, you smiled sadly at the photos of Bobby that you put up. Hanging up your coat, you wiped your tears away and quickly moved to start setting up. 

~~~~~

Meanwhile, just a few miles away from your school, Bob was holding his head in his hands, looking like he was going to be sick. The other Daggers were gathered around him, all having returned home just a short while earlier. 

“He’s this beat up about it?” Hangman sighed, leaning on the car. “All he did was a little lie.”

“It’s a wonder that you’re still single,” Phoenix replied dryly, shooting him a look. 

“I made her cry,” Bob whispered out quietly as Fanboy patted his back. 

“She’ll get through it, Bob. And you only had to lie to her for a couple hours,” Fanboy reasoned, motioning for the other Daggers to speak up. 

“She’ll forget all about it once she sees you,” Phoenix replied, looping her arm under Bob’s and pulling him to his feet. “Now,  come on, we’ve got some shit to do before the big reveal.”

~~~~~

“One, two, three, eyes on me!” you called, clapping on the numbers and then pointing at yourself. When you saw that all of the kids were looking at you, you added, “Alright, do you guys remember when we made those care boxes? For the service men and women?” 

Various kids shouted out that they did remember, causing you to nod and smile. Since you worked in a Navy town, many of the kids in your class had parents or other family members in the Navy. The care packages had been a personal project that you decided to bring to your class, since you knew that a lot of the kids would be in a similar position as you—wishing that someone that they loved so much came home for Christmas. 

“Alright, well, Ms. Sullivan put together a video of them opening the boxes that we put together. So, if everyone could sit in their seats quietly, we’ll start the movie.”

You dimmed the lights before the video started up and slowly sat in your seat, waiting for Bob’s video to pop up. Kids in your class would yell out when they saw their family member, which made your heart both swell and break at the same time. The video continued on until Bob’s familiar face appeared on the screen. 

“Hi, everyone,” he called, waving to your class. 

“It’s Mr. Bob!” one of your kiddos yelled out. 

“Yeah, it’s Mr. Bob,” you mumbled sadly before you paused, frowning slightly as you examined the video more closely. “Is that the cafeteria?”

“What?” Ms. Sullivan asked, trying to hide her smile. 

“That’s the cafeteria,” you stated, getting to your feet. 

Walking up to the screen, you scrutinized the image of your boyfriend as he pulled out the items from the box, including ones that you definitely didn’t put there. Confused, you turned to Ms. Sullivan when the door opened and the lights turned back on. 

Looking at the door, you spotted Bob standing there in his flight suit, beaming at you with such a loving smile that your knees wobbled. Choking out a sob, you sprinted over to your boyfriend, causing your kiddos to scream and cheer. You wrapped your arms around him, sobbing tears of joy as he pulled you to his chest. 

“It’s Mr. Bob!”

“He came from the video!”

“What are you doing here?” you cried, fisting the back of his flight suit. “I thought that you couldn’t come home.”

“I’m sorry, Honey, but I lied. Can you forgive me?” Bob asked, rocking you back and forth. 

“Of course, I forgive you,” you choked out as Bob wiped your tears away. You snuck a chaste kiss before straightening up. “I love you so much, Bobby.”

“I love you too, Honey. And I’m really relieved that you forgave me because otherwise this would be really awkward.”

“What are you . . .”

You held a hand to your mouth as Bob slowly got down onto one knee, pulling a small velvet box from his pocket, causing your kiddos screams to reach new heights. Bob opened the box and you swore you almost fell to your knees. He looked at you with those big blueberry blue eyes, which were filled with so much love and devotion.

“Will you marry me, Honey?”

“Say ‘yes’!”

“You have to say ‘yes’!”

“Of course, I’ll marry you, Bobby,” you replied softly.

He stood up and you pulled him in for another chaste kiss that promised more when there weren’t thirty-five six-year-olds staring at you. He slid the ring onto your finger, where it would stay forever. Turning to your kiddos, you laughed and tried to wipe your tears away as they raced towards you guys. Bob squatted down again, accepting high fives and a few hugs, which only made you fall more in love with him. 

As if that was even possible. 

School was released shortly afterwards and after cleaning up the Christmas decorations and Bob hauling stuff out, the two of you walked out to your car. The Daggers told you that everyone would celebrate your engagement tomorrow, but tonight, it was just you and Bobby. 

“I told you that I’d be home for Christmas,” Bob replied, opening your door for you. 

“You did,” you agreed, pressing a less appropriate kiss to his lips. “And I think that the only time you’ve ever successfully lied to me.”

“And the last,” Bob promised, pressing another kiss to your lips. “Merry Christmas, Honey.”

“Merry Christmas, Bobby.”

[xoxovanillq]

Second Chance Ch. 1

Pairing- Childhoodbestfriend!Steve x Introverted!reader

Warnings- Drunk Steve, Alcohol mention, Steve being an asshole, regret, kissing.

A/N- This was so fun to write, and part 2 should be out soon. This actually hit close to home tho cuz I got dumped by my childhood bestie right after lockdown ended

———

Steve-fucking-Harrington, childhood best friend, turned to someone you considered an enemy.

Elementary school was great, sitting on the porch together, eating popsicles, fighting over who was the faster runner. Middle school wasn’t bad either, minus a few arguments and awkward moments. Late nights were spent lying in your backyard, giggling and gossiping over who had a crush on who, and who was dating who. This was around the time you started noticing his popularity rise, more girls were starting to take interest in him, I mean, yourself included, but that was something he never knew. High school is when things went downhill, rather than laughing with him on the porch, you sat alone, staring down at your shoes, hiding inside whenever him and his new, cool friends came driving past your house. It all still hurt, the way it was as if you were erased from his memory, like he never knew you at all. 

Your phone rang, interrupting your otherwise quiet night. You set down your book, “Pride and Prejudice” and picked up the phone.

“Hey, Y/N, you think you could come help me out?” It was Robin’s voice, and you could hear drunken chatter and the other sounds of a party in the background.

“Depends on what it is.” You reply with an exasperated sigh, you were trying to have a relaxing night in, and having to save someone at a party didn’t sound like something you wanted to do right now.

“Listen, I need help getting Steve home, and before you complain, I’m not gonna be able to drive him home and you’re the only one I know that could help.” She explains before you can interject. She knew how he hurt you, and how you still disliked him to this day.

“God, fine, only because I want you to be happy.” You groan as Robin thanks you before hanging up. You put the phone back on the receiver and make your way to the party. 

Once you arrive at the house, you’re immediately hit with the overwhelming scent of alcohol and vomit, making you gag. You quickly find Robin, a drunken Steve at her side.

“Did you get him water?” You ask with a sigh, already over having to deal with him.

“Mhm, now get him home please, I’ve got things to do.” Robin reply’s, helping shift him toward you. You wrap an arm around the drunken boy, his hazy eyes meeting yours.

“I know I’m the last person you want to spend the night with, but let’s go.” You murmur, and he luckily complies as you get him into your car.

The drive home is fairly silent, until you turn onto your street.

“I don’t know why I ditched you.” He slurs drunkenly, and your heart seizes. You knew he wasn’t in his right mind, but hearing him say those words still meant something. “I thought they were cool or whatever, but now everyone’s off to college and I’m stuck working a stupid, dead-end job.” His words were sincere, no matter how drunk he was, it was all the truth. You couldn’t help but feel bad for him, it seemed like he’d changed, not completely, but enough to give him another chance.

“C’mon, let’s get you inside.” You murmur, helping him out of the car and into your house, where you then got him settled on the couch.

You could hear him mumbling to himself as you got him water, and when you set it on the coffee table in front of him, his eyes landed on your face.

“You’re pretty, you’ve always been pretty.” He slurs, and you give a brief smile, acknowledging the comment without giving it any time to blossom into anything more.

You brought him a blanket, telling him to rest before retreating to your bedroom. 

As you laid in bed that night, his words kept replaying in your head, and you couldn’t help the little swell of excitement you got in your chest when you thought of him. He was still as handsome as always, with his gorgeous carmel locks and big brown eyes. You dreamed of him, of what it would’ve been like if he hadn’t ditched you, if your life hadn’t taken that turn.

In your dreams, you lay in his arms, his face tucked into your neck. You were utterly in love, attending college together, planning out the rest of your lives. Unfortunately, when you woke up, you were forced to face the harsh reality.

You walked downstairs, expecting to see Steve on the couch, but he was nowhere to be found, until you spotted him out on the porch.

“What are you doing out here?” You ask quietly, confused as to his sudden change in location.

“You deserve an apology, and I figured there was no better place to do it.” He says quietly, his voice low as you sit down beside him. “I really shouldn’t have done that, I was an asshole to you, and look where that got me. I know this isn’t nearly what you deserve in the forms of an apology, and I understand if you never want to see me ever again.” He explains, looking down at his shoes.

“Thank you, I mean, I can kinda understand why you did it, being popular feels good, especially when there’s no one at home to make you feel like you matter.” You knew all too well about the situation at home, all the times he stayed over at your house as kids, all thanks to his neglectful parents. “For the record, I really don’t want to lose you, not after getting you back.” You add, and you find your hand in his, fingers laced together.

“You know, I had a crush on you all through elementary and middle school, always thought you were pretty, even after I left.” He says, squeezing your hand a little.

“I know, last night, you said some things. I’ve always liked you too, I mean, I don’t think that’s a huge surprise, everyone likes you.” You smile sadly, which makes his heart ache. He’d hurt you enough, and didn’t want to do any more damage.

“I’d be willing to give us another chance, but maybe as more than friends.” He offers, his tone soft, fearing rejection. Your silence scared him, but before he could react, you were pressing your lips to his, and his hands flew to your lower back, holding you close.

You spent most of the day like that, sitting on the porch and chatting, catching up on the last 4 years.

[coco-loco-nut]

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

pairing: logan sargeant x reader

summary: not all best friends are lovers.

masterlist ttpd masterlist

_______

Logan has been your best friend since you were in elementary school, and even when he moved away to further his career, you stayed close friends. Logan even sublets a bedroom in your Miami apartment so he stay with you when he’s in town.

It was obvious how much Logan cares for his friends, and maybe that’s why you couldn’t stop yourself from falling in love with your kindhearted friend. Oscar always said that the two of them needed you to be social for them, and that they should hire you to be their social media managers. You always refused, asking what an accountant would know about that.

It’s the off season now, and Logan is back home. The cozy apartment feels more like a home now, and the navy blue throw pillows don’t bring down the vibes as much anymore. You are on the phone with Oscar and Lily when you hear the front door open and close, two people stumbling in.

“You need to tell him, you are only hurting yourself,” Oscar says, reading your body language, watching the way that the blue LEDs in your bedroom reflect the sadness in your eyes.

“I’m okay, I have a date tomorrow,” you plaster a smile on your face. Lily doesn’t buy it, and neither does Oscar, but they play along.

“Keep us updated, that’s so exciting,” she says, hoping to take your mind off of what’s happening across the hall.

“Good night?” you ask Logan when he emerges from his room the next morning. The hurt in your heart pushes through the freeze that creeps in, a lingering hurt from one drunken night years ago.

“Did I wake you up? Sorry,” Logan runs his hand through his hair, you look away because despite him being your best friend you just can’t bear to see him. Despite everything, you can’t help stop the growing ice over your heart towards him.

It’s like every day you realize how much you have changed yourself for him, only for him to not care. He’s too addicted to the drug that is his current lifestyle to care about his best friend. The past ten years have been like this, and in your mind it was time to put yourself first.

Logan doesn’t notice your red dress, with your hair and makeup done perfectly, and if he did he never said. He did see you out on your date by accident though. He stops on the sidewalk, staring at you through the window. He calls Oscar on reflex, holding the phone to his ear without looking away from you.

“Osc, Y/n is on a date,” Logan says, processing what he is feeling.

“A likely place for her to be. She has a life outside of you, just because we are your best friends doesn’t mean she needs to dedicate every second to you like she has in the past,” Oscar replies, a little tired of Logan basically ignoring you.

“That’s not true,” Logan protests, but the hurt he’s feeling says otherwise.

“She’s changed so much for you. She wanted to move to Canada, but stayed for you. She’s defended you online against people who still say you don’t deserve to drive, hell, she’s stopped dating a guy because you were coming home. You have this idea of her that just isn’t true anymore,” Oscar rants, every word like a punch to the gut. Logan will always need his best friend, but he is realizing the truth behind Oscar’s words.

“This guy looks like he would’ve bullied us in school,” Logan watches as you laugh at something the guy says, and as much as he hates to admit it, you look happier than you have since he’s gotten home. Said guy is tall, taller than him, with the body of a gym bro but polished enough that he seems well educated.

“Good for her, she deserves to be happy, I’ll have to call her tomorrow and ask about it. Lily will want to know too,” Oscar’s tone changes, clearly happy to move away from being a middle man.

“You knew?” Logan asks, wondering why you didn’t say anything.

“Have you thought to ask? You live with her. Surely you noticed she was dressed up,” Oscar questions. Logan just watches you with someone else, not understanding why his heart hurts.

Logan thinks back to every time you changed, it was always related to something he said, and when it raised concerns in his mind, he simply brushed it off, not until you started being cold. You would’ve stopped, you wouldn’t have started to push him away if he said he loved you the way that you were, even as a friend.

Logan can’t help but wonder what it would be like to be the guy sitting across from you, your coldness broken away. Little did he know that the thought would shatter you if you knew, like ice breaking into millions of pieces.

Logan looks away, noticing you have that look in your eye, the same one from your belated 21st birthday. Sighing as he walks down the street, he plays back that night, traveling through the passages in his mind to find the memory.

You had drunkenly stumbled into him, impaired by the copious amounts of alcohol and newfound freedom. The next the both of you knew, you were in his bed, wrapped up in one another. Logan called it a mistake and you moved on, not wanting to dwell on it, lest you get hurt.

Logan goes back to your apartment, waiting for you to get home. He doesn’t know why he hates the idea of you being out with another guy, maybe it’s because you are his friend. He perks up at the sound of the front door opening, watching you walk in with a cheerful glint in your eye. He lets out a deep sigh before plastering on a smile.

“How was the date?” Logan asks as you sit on the couch across from him.

“I didn’t realize you noticed,” you warily say, confused why he is asking.

“I saw you at the restaurant you were at and Oscar told me,” Logan says slightly accusingly and you can’t help but shake an irritated feeling.

“Well, maybe if you cared more about my life and not just me as your socials manager, than you would’ve known,” you defend yourself. Logan feels a bit like a kicked puppy, especially since your words are true. “I’m going to bed, we can talk about it tomorrow,” you turn away, heading to your room.

The next morning comes faster than you’d like. Logan wakes early to get coffee and pastries, hoping to ease the tension.

“I can’t be your social media manager anymore. I need to do what I am really good at, and what I spent my time getting a degree in,” you say a little abruptly during the conversation.

“But I need you on race weekends,” Logan says, a bit crushed.

“Oscar hired me as his personal accountant, so I could still come to races, but it lets me spread my wings and start my own business,” you tell him, sipping your coffee.

“Let me hire you then too,” Logan offers and you quickly shoot him down.

“No, you struggle to separate me as a friend and me as an employee. We need to fix our friendship first,” you double down.

“I don’t understand, is everything okay?” Logan asks, his concern feels like a stab in the heart.

“I- I just need some space to focus on me. I love you, Lo, you are my best friend, but I can’t be your friend like that and also your employee. It doesn’t work well for us,” you say, lying about why. You just can’t stand to watch him take a new girl home every race weekend, and you need to crush your crush. You can’t keep wondering what would happen if he chose you.

So you do just that, in the next few months you sell your Miami apartment and move to a small beach town in New England. You and Logan are still close, but everything is different now.

Aside from the occasional paddock appearance with him or Oscar, you focused on yourself. You stood at his side while he married an influencer, you helped babysit when he had kids. You floated in his orbit, a close friend but no longer his best friend. Logan and Oscar stood by your side when you got married to the same guy you went on the date with before you left Miami.

The only thing that would’ve stopped you from getting married would be Logan’s intervention. He would object, saying he always loved you, and that he will always wonder what would have happened if you had dated. Little did you know, that the only thing stopping him from doing just that was the gold band on his ring finger and the kids sitting beside his wife.

Even now, as you lay in bed beside your husband, you can’t help but wonder what if.

[simpxxstan]

it isn't you

pairing: elementary school teacher!boo seungkwan x f.reader

genre: fluff and angst.

summary: you're ready to begin a completely new life in seoul, away from your ex-husband and your baggage of regrets. but fate has different plans for you when you meet seungkwan again, and this time, you don't want to let go.

word count: 8.3k words

rating: pg 13 

warnings: reader is a single mother. mentions of divorce, cold parents, poor parent-child relationship, anxiety and worries. mention of accidental pregnancy.

a/n: i CRAVE seungkwan w babies content and i wrote this completely to indulge my own craving. hope you enjoy! as always, would love to hear your thoughts!! reblogs and comments are so much appreciated <3

this is part of the boys over flowers series featuring booseoksoon + chan! this is the second instalment in that series.

“Eomma, there’s no need to be so scared!” Dahyun reminds you, putting her little hands on your arms as she hugs you. “Yes, yes,” you pause your mumbling and hug her back. It’s hard to believe that she turned four last week because she still feels so tiny in your arms. She’s definitely more calm than you as you both stand in front of the school you’ve come to enrol her at.

“It’s just… I’m just checking that you have everything with you. Okay. Eomma will come at three pm, and get you started in the creche, okay? Please listen to your teachers. If you want, talk to your classmates, hmm? I won’t force yo-” “Eomma! Shh! I’ve been to a school before, you know? I know how schools work.” She makes a serious face, and you laugh. “Alright, darling. When Eomma comes, let me know how your first day was. I love you Dahyun-ah, have fun, hmm?” And you press kisses to the side of her head before she plants a wet smooch on your cheek and runs off. “Bye Eomma!”

And she runs without looking back, and you wonder how she’s so relaxed and you’re so tense about her first day.

Probably because you had been a wreck throughout your school days. Well, she’s turned out to be quite not like you. Good for her. Easy for you. You remember your mother being so stressed because her daughter cried after every first day in each new class year at school, didn’t make a single friend till she turned seven, and barely scraped through most of her classes. Yeah, easy for you. 

It’s been two months since you’ve shifted from Gwangju to Seoul, and to be honest, you’ve felt like it’s your first day in school again for each day of the last two months. Finding a place for yourself and your daughter, settling down in your new job, and now, getting your daughter’s life started after you uprooted it in the middle of the school year when you moved out of Gwangju. It’s nice that Dahyun’s barely made a mess about it all- she’s honestly too understanding as a child, and you don’t deserve her- but it’s still worrying for you to see your daughter go through all this at such a tender age and think of what impact it may have on her later. Your parents haven’t been the least bit supportive, so all you have is Dahyunie and all she has is you. 

When you’re getting up on the bus, once you see Dahyun safely enter the school campus, you feel your phone buzz. It’s your boss calling to find out where you are. You’ve already informed work that you’re going to be about half an hour late so it’s an entirely unnecessary call, but you know he’s a little nosy, although not necessarily with bad intentions. In less than twenty minutes, you’ve reached office and got buried nose-deep into work, and soon, it’s three pm already. 

When you arrive at Sebong Elementary School, you see a crowd of parents and their tiny tots gathered around what you think is the hall where the creche is going to be organised. You’re frantically looking for Dahyun in the crowd, when something comes and jumps at your knees. “Eomma!” A brightly-smiling Dahyun hugs your legs and you quickly bend down to pick her up. “Hi, hi, sorry I’m late, I got-” “It’s okay, Eomma.” She kisses you on the cheek before wrapping herself like a koala on your side. “How was your first day, baby?” “Good. Not 5 stars because there was so much crying-” “Oh dear, why?” “Because some of the other kids were missing home! I didn’t cry, because I was having fun talking to my teachers and making friends and colouring into my alphabet book and-” “Oh, darling you made friends? Such a brave baby,” you kiss her, as you both walk towards the hall and Dahyun continues her loud rambling all about her school day. And soon, along with the other twenty-odd parents and their children, you finally make it into the hall. There are two teachers standing up on one side, greeting the children. You can see one of them is a female, wearing a bright green banner pasted to her shirt with her name printed on it. The other teacher is a male, and he has his back towards you. You slowly make your way to the female teacher, who apparently Dahyun recognises from one of her classes. Once she’s greeted you two and assigned you a seat, you sit there quietly. Dahyun finds a few familiar faces in the crowds and you make small talk with their parents, while the others settle down. 

“Hello everyone! Welcome to Sebong Creche! We’re so happy to have you all here with us.” The female teacher greets the crowd and everyone smiles and claps softly, as do you. Suddenly your phone is buzzing. It’s your boss again. Seems that the message that you’re taking the half day off hasn’t reached him, so you’re trying to type him a message when a voice surprises you. 

No, it, in fact, makes your head spin and your heart stop. 

“My name is Boo Seungkwan and this is Choi Ria! We’ll be taking care of the creche for the next six months! Pleased to meet you all.”

Fuck. Your phone slips and drops from your hand and Dahyun yelps in your lap in surprise. The phone makes a dreadfully loud sound, and in the silence of the room, everyone looks at you. You gulp and pick up your phone, trying to avoid drawing more attention, but you can’t help but notice one pair of eyes fixated on you, the single person you’d tried to avoid.

Seungkwan. 

And god, he looks just the same as he did five years ago when you’d seen him last before leaving for Gwangju. His hair is now brown and his blue sweater brings out the fresh glow of his skin, and fuck you if every regret of your life isn’t flooding into your mind at this very second. The female teacher speaks up, thankfully taking the attention from you, but not Seungkwan. His eyes still linger on yours, a confused expression in his eyes, before looking away and breaking eye contact. 

Oh god. Just when everything was going to go right. 

_

Once the initial briefings are over, parents are offered the chance to leave and pick their children back again at the designated time, or sit through this first session as the kids get used to the creche atmosphere. Dahyun is right- too many kids are crying. And you would too, if you had been here. But Dahyun is lively, she’s confidently eating her banana and singing to herself as the teachers give everyone their snacks.

But to be fair, your eyes are only on Seungkwan. He’s moving around with a lithe familiarity, and children cling to him with every minor inconvenience. It’s in the way he’s talking to them, the way he’s approaching them, and in the way he’s handling them with so much care, that you already feel safe about leaving Dahyun here. 

It’s not a new sensation, though. Feeling safe around him. 

So when everyone leaves and Dahyun has finally packed her bag and run to the spot you’ve been sitting all the while, you pick her up and turn around to find Seungkwan standing near you. Up close, even with the tiredness setting into his features, you notice how manly and mature he looks- so different from the fresh-faced college boy you’d left behind in Seoul so many years ago. 

“Hello Ms. Y/L/N. Thank you for trusting your… daughter with us.”

Oh. Formals. So it’s going to be like that, is it. Dahyun giggles when Seungkwan extends a hand to pat her hair, his hand awfully close to your own hand, so he quickly takes his hand away. “Seungkwanie Ssaem likes tangerines, he said! I like banana!” Dahyun giggles again, and you finally let out a breath and say, “I’m relieved to know that I’m leaving her in capable hands.” Because, truly, who would take care of Dahyun like Seungkwan would? Who would care for Dahyunie with hands so gentle, and a smile so kind, and eyes so soft like Seungkwan would? Seungkwan would sense, would know by instinct, what she would want. After all…

And then Seungkwan gives you a tight smile, much less kind than the one he gives to Dahyun, and waves you goodbye. You look away, unable to stare any longer, and make your way home with your little angel in your arms. 

_

School works out excellently for Dahyun-ah. It turns out Seugnkwan is not always there. There are two teachers working out alternately. So you can only catch Seungkwan again two days later, when you arrive a tad bit late and find Dahyun sitting on Seungkwan’s lap and the both of them playing with a playdough.

“I didn’t know you teach in this school, Seungkwan.” You say when he comes to hand your child to you. He doesn’t meet your eyes, still distracted with scratching off the playdough from Dahyun’s fingers. “I wouldn’t have come here if I’d known,” you add softly and he looks up. It’s true, but it’s not something you necessarily regret. 

“Does it matter?”

You keep the eye contact, and whisper, “It does.” Seungkwan turns away, clearly not intent on melting ice so quickly. “Seungkwan-ah, it’s not what you think it is!” 

He turns back ever so slightly. “Has it ever been what I’ve thought it is?”

Right then, Dahyun pokes your shoulder and yawns, indicating how sleepy she is. It’s time to go home. 

_

“Eomma!” Dahyun asks you as soon as you reach the creche. Today you’re on time, so it’s still crowded with other kids and their parents who’ve come to pick them up. You bend down and kiss Dahyun on her cheek. “Aww my baby.” She kisses you back, “Eomma I had a question!” You nod, fixing her shoes on her feet. “Why does my name start with Y/L/N and not Lee like Appa’s? All my friends at the creche have their names starting with their Appa’s family name.” Oh god. She’s about to find- she knows, she knows, she’s- she’s angry at you for hiding it- 

“Dahyunie, I’m sorry I-”

“Huh? Why’re you saying sorry, Eomma?” She looks genuinely confused and you reconsider for a second. Was it an innocent question or-”

“You look like you’re about to cry.” 

In your mess, you haven’t even noticed when the crowds have started to clear up and Seungkwan has crouched down next to you, holding a small cup of water. You stare at him, his big, beautiful, brown eyes, and you take the cup slowly. 

Dahyun smiles at her teacher, and you remember how Seungkwan was so intent on not conversing with you the last time you tried to talk to him. So you’ve made up your mind. If he wants to keep his distance, you will too. He wasn’t in the plan, anyway. But then Seungkwan asks, “I want to know too. Why does she not have her father’s family name?” You realise then, just how close he is to you. Your conversation is happening in it’s own bubble, and the rest of the world won’t even be able to hear anything. The pink from Dahyun’s dress reflects on Seungkwan’s face, giving it a more bubblegum glow than usual. He keeps his eyes on yours, and you feel obligated to answer.

“That’s because… Appa isn’t family anymore. Ever since I left Gwangju.”

That’s the most sugar-coated way you can explain it to Dahyun, who seems to get it nevertheless. She nods and explains to Seungkwan- “Eomma and Appa don’t talk to each other anymore. That’s why we’re here in Seoul. It’s already been three months.” You know she’s starting to forget her father’s voice, she told you once in the warm moments before sleep. You’d cried in the bathroom that night, feeling terrible and only calming down once you reminded yourself that it was your only choice. 

Seungkwan keeps looking at you. There’s something in his eyes, as his eyes go from your eyes, to your lips and then fall to your hand where he notices the absence of a wedding ring. Maybe it is curiosity, you wonder. But he also doesn’t ask anything else in front of Dahyun, and you’re thankful. 

“Your daughter is lovely.” 

You bite your lip to stop yourself from correcting him. “She is. Just turned four.” His eyes become curious again, but then he blinks and looks at Dahyun. “I was wondering if you’d enrolled her into any sports classes? I think she’d enjoy them, because she’s an active child.” 

You nod, “I did consider. I didn’t know which classes were good in Seoul so I’d thought I’d wait another year before enrolling her to ensure she settles down well…”

“Oh. That’s your call, I guess. But Dahyun seems to be settling down well enough. If you want… distractions, say… then a sport activity would be great.” 

“You’re right. I’ll check it out for sure. If you had any suggestions…”

“There’s a badminton coaching centre nearby. Perhaps you could check them out.”

“Thank you. I will. Thank you so much.” Seungkwan nods once at you, eyes lingering, before he waves sweetly at Dahyun and takes his leave. 

That night, your subconscious plays tricks on you. It floods your dreams with memories, leaving you sweaty and squirmy at night, even as the air conditioner blasts cool air into the room. Memories you thought you’d forgotten. Memories of a certain boy running laps in the college volleyball field during practice and you sitting in the corner of the ground, finishing your homework. Memories of that boy running to you during the ten minute break, sipping an energy drink from his sipper and kissing you in the spot of shade you’ve been sitting in, his mouth tasting like the orange flavour of the drink. Memories of you giggling, because his sweat is rubbing on your arms and he’s so gross, but you still can’t stop yourself from hugging him close for the rest of the short break. Memories of him promising to convince Coach to let him go fast because he wants to walk you home because it’s so unsafe to walk alone in the evening. Memories of Seungkwan giving you a last peck on your lips before jogging back to the grounds, both his and your cheeks smudged with sunshine and affection, eyes warm with the power of love, and hearts pure without any worry of life. 

_

“Hello?” Your voice is desperate as you wait for the person on the other side of the line to answer. This is the first time you’re calling the creche, as your boss had suddenly decided you need to finish a task before leaving, even if it’s raining cats and dogs outside, even if you have a daughter who’s waiting for you at a creche, even if it’ll be totally fine to finish the task at home and submit it later. Consequently, you got out of work late and the bus is stuck in a road full of traffic due to the terrible weather and you’re already half an hour late to Dahyun’s creche’s closing time. 

“Yes, this is Sebong Creche. I’m speaking to?”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, this is Dahyun’s mom-”

“Y/N?” It’s Seungkwan. He must be able to hear the way your voice is cracking with panic. It’s odd to introduce yourself as Dahyun’s mom to Seungkwan but that’s the way it is now. 

“I’m so sorry, I really am-”

“Calm down, please. Tell me what’s happening.”

“I… I got stuck at work… and I’m running late. I’m sorry for all this inconvenience-”

“Y/N, shh. Stop apologising and talk to me. Where are you now?”

“Umm, I’m still at my office. Please leave her near a guard or someone, Seungkwan, and I can pick her up in a short while! I’m trying to get out of her as soon as-”

“I can take her to your home.”

“Oh but-”

“Dahyun’s told me that you live in the neighbourhood right next to the school. I can walk her till there. She has a spare key, yes? She can get in.”

“But it’s raining!”

“And we have raincoats.”

“I don’t want to impose on you, honestly. You could just leave her-”

“And let her be alone? Y/N, you’re out of your mind.”

“But I don’t want to trouble you, Seungkwan-ah.”

“Do you not trust me?” You pause. You do trust him. There is nobody else you would trust more with your daughter. Fuck it. 

“I do trust you.”

“Then finish your work and come home safely. Dahyunie and I will head to your home.”

It’s about two hours later that you are able to reach home, only to find Seungkwan and Dahyun both giggling away at something he’s showing to her on his phone. They’re sitting at the island in the kitchen, and you notice the bottle of milkshake that had been stored in the fridge for Dahyun is now empty next to her. When you enter, they notice you and Dahyun immediately squeals out in joy. She gets off the high chair she was sitting in and comes running to you and you immediately pick her up in your arms. Something unfamiliar and beautiful blooms in your mind, but it’s immediately clouded down by a sadness which you don’t understand. 

_

When Dahyun falls asleep after you feed her dinner which you whip up quickly, Seungkwan’s still sitting in your kitchen, eating the rice and chicken you’ve made. 

“You still cook well, Y/N.”

You’re sitting across from him, and you pick up another piece of chicken and put it on his plate. “I’m glad you still like it.”

Oh god. He’s too close for confort. He’s right here, in your house, eating dinner you’ve made, after looking after your child for two whole hours while you were stuck at work. 

Is this what life would’ve turned out to be had you not left him four years back?

It seems that he’s thinking the same thing too, because he asks you, “Did you get the job you were studying for?”

“Yeah. I did. I am an actuary now.”

He smiles, digging into his food again, scrunching up his face as he chews it all down. 

“And you? I didn’t think you’d ever planned to become a teacher.”

“I didn’t. Someone told me something about volleyball being an unstable career. And I thought maybe I should switch.”

You sigh. He says it so normally, even when simply hearing it breaks your heart. You stop yourself from crying, because you know it’ll just be more pathetic. You won’t be able to explain to him why you’re crying. You won’t be able to explain why your heart aches everytime you see them together. You’ve spent many a night awake, wondering what would happen if your secret gets out. It’s so cruel that fate has landed you back into the proximity of the one man you had never imagined you would see again. And sometimes you hope a silver lining may emerge from this all, but it’s a faint hope. A daydream you don’t think you can afford to dream at this juncture of life. 

“I did get her into badminton like you said. She’s a natural, the teacher said.” As expected. Seungkwan smiles proudly, and you nearly tear up. He doesn’t even know what he’s doing to you. “I hope you don’t stop her from playing even when she grows up.” He says quietly, picking up his plate and walking towards the sink. You shrink further into your seat. 

“You know it wasn’t me.”

“No, but you might have the same views as your mother.”

“You should know I don’t. There’s a reason why Sehun Oppa and I are divorced now.”

He puts the plate in the sink and turns around to look at you. “I’m sorry to hear that.” You walk towards him and stand next to him as you start the tap to wash the dishes. “I’ll do that,” he offers, but you swat his hand away. “It’s my house. You’re my guest.” “It’s a quaint house. Very you.” “Is it? I didn’t have enough time to decorate it.” “I think it’s enough- sparse but not too empty. There is room for more, better now that she’s out of her clumsy phase.” “Hmm, what would you add?” “I don’t know, let me see.” He leans against the kitchen counter, the dim lights casting a beautiful shadow under his eyelashes which make his high cheekbones look so delicate. “I’d add a standing lamp in that corner, next to the couch. And perhaps a rug in front of the couch. Better for Dahyun than sitting on the cold wood floor. And I’d- Oh sorry. I’m saying too much.” “No, really. Your ideas are helpful. I haven’t thought much about all this but when you say it, I can picture it.” You look up and smile at him, his head tilted down as he looks at you intensely. “And perhaps a photo frame on the wall between the kitchen and the living space. Those new trendy collage ones. And, also a…”

Oh god. He’s making it so hard for you to not lean in and press a kiss to his cheek right now. He’s making it so hard for you to tell him everything- from the beginning, the entire truth. 

“Do you want dessert? I have chocolate ice cream.” You know he can’t turn down ice cream. So you just laugh when you see his hesitant smile turn into a shy smile, and you ask him to sit at the couch. When you take out two scoops for each of you and take it to the couch, he shifts to the opposite end of the couch to make room for you. 

“I don’t know if it’s my place to ask you, but have you told Dahyun about the… divorce?”

You sigh, “No. I haven’t. I’m just hoping that she’ll eventually forget about him quickly… she is young, after all.” 

“Won’t he want to meet her?”

“No, we’ve completely cut ties. It was the only option- I had to move on totally. And he didn’t want to keep any link either.” 

His eyebrows furrow, and you can see the questions in his eyes. You don’t want to say anything because you don’t want to appear like a damsel in distress, but you also don’t want to worry him. 

“He wasn’t abusive or anything. We just realised that it was a marriage in futility. Divorce was a relief to both of us.”

Surprisingly, it doesn’t reduce the questions in his eyes. But he doesn’t ask anything, and you don’t elaborate. You’ve overshared enough. 

“I just want to thank you again, Seungkwan-ah. For taking care of Dahyun and bringing her to my place. You know as a mother I am incredibly grateful.”

“Just because we’re exes doesn’t mean I won’t take care of your daughter, Y/N-ah,” he chuckles bitterly. “She’s like my own, and I would do it for anyone else. It is my job, and you know it is my nature.” 

You do. It feels like whiplash to hear that he would indeed do the exact same thing for anyone else too, it feels like a gash from a knife slashed across your chest. You choke, but you muffle it as a laugh. “I know it is your nature. But I still want to thank you, nonetheless.”

He smiles. “Thanks for the ice cream. I’ll not be a bother to you anymore now.”

“You could never be a bother, Kwan-ah.” He doesn’t say anything and simply takes your leave. It’s a night that feels bittersweet to you. While it’s a nice feeling to be basked in Seungkwan’s warmth again, it feels cruel that you’ll never truly enjoy his affection, or even his friendship.

_

The ice does break after that day. Seungkwan gives you smiles when you go to pick up Dahyun, and that initial tenseness is definitely gone. But you don’t push it too much. You don’t want to push the status quo because you’re afraid it’ll all be gone again. You’re afraid you won’t be able to protect yourself and your happiness once again because of your own mistakes. You’ve done it once before, and it’s not ended pretty. You can’t afford to repeat errors. 

“You must cut off ties with him right away, Y/N. Or else you’ll never see me or your father again.” Your mother’s voice booms through the room, muffling the sounds of your tears as you beg at her feet. Your father stands on the other side, looking outside the window, in that unfeeling, emotionless attitude you have always seen him wear. 

“But why, Eomma! What harm has Seungkwan done to you or me or anyone at all?”

“That boy is a gold-digger! He’s after your money. He knows very well he’ll get nowhere with volleyball. A sport should remain a hobby, but I doubt a middle class doofus like him would ever have the brains to even make a decent livi-”

“Oh you’re so wrong, Eomma! How can you say such things about him when you don’t even know him?”

“That’s enough. I know enough, Y/N. And I know he is not the man you ought to be spending your life with. He will not make you happy.” Your mother stands up from her seat and walks away, carelessly pushing you aside on her way. She would trample you down and walk over you like an ant even if you’d laid down at her feet. 

Honestly, what had you ever expected from your parents when you’d told them on the day of your graduation that you had a boyfriend? You had tried to explain how wonderful Seungkwan was, but they had turned a deaf ear and insisted you cut off all relations with him. With college over, you could do nothing to stop their plans- they took away your old phone, gave you a new contact number with which you could neither contact Seungkwan nor your friends, and didn’t allow you to leave the house. It was terrible- a true prison. So when your mother had offered you one chance to leave this prison- by marrying Sehun, you’d taken it. You’d taken it because you had known it would be drastically better than living cooped up in this mess forever- your heart aching, your mind helpless and your body tired. 

Even after moving to Gwangju and starting a new life with Sehun didn’t take away the emptiness you felt in your soul. But you, like an utter coward, had resigned to this fate and accepted married life with Sehun with open arms, ready to forget about your cherished past, about Seungkwan and all that you had loved earlier. And Sehun charmed you so neatly- with gifts, affection and everything you wanted. It was so different from the manner in which Seungkwan had loved you- while he’d been tender, always asking you before doing anything, never discouraging and always supporting in the background, Sehun was more active, more aggressive in the way he made you feel special. He would often take you on these whirlwind date nights- where he would make love to you under the stars in entire picnic spots he would book for you, where you drove for miles away from the city and spent the weekend in tea plantations, where you didn’t even have to ask and he would drop the world at your feet. It was a new sort of heaven, a rush of adrenaline you had never experienced before. Not with your parents- who had never treated you with any affection. Not with Seungkwan- who’d been equally giving, but shy, passive and so soft in his love. And this rush of adrenaline blew you off your feet. 

Until the news arrived. 

One month into this new marriage, you’d found out, only by accident, that you were pregnant. Had been pregnant for an entire month. Sehun was, of course, overjoyed. You’d asked the doctor to not tell him the exact duration of your pregnancy, because of course, you knew that it wasn’t possible that the child growing inside you had been conceived with Sehun at least a week before your wedding. 

That really broke you out of the haze your new marriage had trapped you in. Guilt and sadness tore into your newly patched up heart and reminded you of the boy you’d left behind at home, without even a message of where you were going. God knows how worried he may have been for you. Instead of considering him even once, you’d been swayed away by the pleasures of married life like a fool, that too, with a man you knew no more than a mere family friend, with a man whom, honestly, you did not love, with a man who had been planted in your life by your parents to distract you away from Seungkwan. 

Oh god. 

Your parents had won, and you’d lost.

And that broke you down. No matter how hard Sehun tried, he could not get your spirit back into the relationship- and you knew that this was the end of your marriage. After that, everything was just hollow clockwork, living with a stranger who slept in your bed, ate on the same dining table, and resided under the same roof as yours. You had become reckless. Under the added influence of hormones, you let yourself get aloof from everyone and everything, choosing to bury yourself in your self-pity and detaching yourself from society. 

And then it was only Dahyun who made you smile again. 

Little Dahyun who became the light of your life. Your reason to live again, your reason to find meaning and joy again. Because she was a part of you. And because she was a part of Seungkwan.  So you’d named her accordingly. Your little bundle of sunshine. 

Oh boy, did she look like her father. Of course, Sehun never found out. He was extremely caring towards Dahyun, ever a doting father, just as giving and aggressive about his love as he had been as a husband. It was a miracle that Dahyun was born slightly later than nine months- never causing any suspicion to rise in his mind at all. And it broke your heart a little bit, but then you remembered that Sehun was never on your side, really. For all you knew, perhaps he’d just been instructed by your parents to make you feel so loved that it would make you forget about Seungkwan. And he’d definitely succeeded. Almost. 

Eventually, you became less of a wreck and more normal. Mostly because of Dahyun and how you wanted to be the best mother ever for her. But also because you realised that this was not worth giving up all your happiness for. So you went back to the world- socialising, finding a job, and doing everything you could to settle down into this life in your new home. But it never really became your home. At the end of the day, when you’d lie down in your bed with Dahyun cradled in your arms, you’d still have that empty feeling somewhere inside, wanting more from life. But obviously, you never dared to tell anyone the truth. You don’t have a way out, so it was best to fit in, until opportunity arose.

_

“Eomma, Seungkwan Ssaem said yes!” Dahyun’s shrill voice greets you when you arrive at the creche. “Yes to what, sweetie?” “To my birthday, of course!” She’s snugly sitting on Seungkwan’s shoulders, and it strikes you in full force, just how much she resembles her father. The large boba brown eyes, crinkled at the edges, the bangs slipping back to reveal an elegant forehead with the tiny nose and small, rosy lips, that highlight the high cheekbones and the full, plump cheeks you so adore. It’s a wonder no one has noticed it before. And you dearly hope it remains like that.

“Oh, you invited him, did you now?” You carefully ask, as Seungkwan lets Dahyun climb off his back and towards the shoe rack. “Her birthday is this Sunday. Of course, I won’t expect you to attend. She’s a child… she doesn’t know what she’s doing. She just wants to invite everyone she likes to her party, I guess.”

“It’s an honour to be liked by someone as fascinating as Dahyun-ah, Y/N. It’s hurtful that you don’t expect me to be at her party on her special invitation.” He smiles, that gentle, indulging smile of his which he uses whenever he’s teasing you, and you know it’s coming but you always get so riled up by his teasing. 

“No! I didn’t mean it like that… oh god. I haven’t gotten better with words with time, have I?”

Seungkwan’s smile becomes wider. 

“You haven’t changed at all.”

_

You remember the night of Dahyun’s third birthday party in Gwangju. Sehun had organised the most lavish party for her, complete with balloons of every colour and inviting nearly all her classmates at her school. Dahyun, ever the extrovert, had been so happy that night. 

But that was the night everything changed. 

Sehun takes you into a room, away from the crowds of the party, and you ask him, confused, “What’s going on?”

“You know I went to the hospital today with Dahyun to get her regular checkup from her paediatrician.” 

“I do know, yes. What about it?”

“Guess what he said. He said, among other things, Dahyun was late-born child. She was born ten months after she was conceived, not nine months.”

You drop the glass you were holding in your hand, and you feel like you can’t breathe.

“Oppa, I can explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain. She isn’t mine, is she?”

You heave a breath as you try to calculate what his next step might be. You try to calculate whether offense or defense should be your correct strategy here, because truly you have nothing to lose, except your daughter. If Sehun kicks you out and makes a show in front of your parents, you’ll run away so far that they’ll never be able to track you. 

But he doesn’t give you a chance to speak. 

“We were never really married, were we?” His hand shakes as he comes to cup your cheek. “Let’s not stay together any longer. Let’s get divorced, hmm?”

You breathe out a sigh of relief. Out of every possible answer that he could’ve given, this is undoubtedly the best, and the safest, one. 

“Yes, let’s do that, Sehun. Let’s not pretend we love each other anymore.”

_

Tonight, you’ve tried to give her a little bit of that splendour Sehun had given her while you both had been in Gwangju. You’ve baked her a cake with three types of chocolate, invited as many of her friends from school as she’d ever mentioned in her stories about school, and cooked tteokbokki and tangsuyuk, her favourite dishes, for the entire group at the party. 

But then Seungkwan arrives. 

Seeing him reminds you of his words at the creche where you last saw him, which had given you butterflies for the past few nights. He’d taken you back to the giggling mess you’d been at the freshman’s welcome party when Seungkwan had complimented your dress that you’d tailored for yourself and taken away your heart. Of course, it had taken many more months for you to gather the courage to even speak to him, and then more months for you both to officially begin dating, but you’d known on that night of the welcome party that Boo Seungkwan would always be your weakness. 

And you were right. His words have lingered in your mind these last few days, and now that he’s arrived at Dahyun’s party with another teacher from the school who Dahyun had specially invited, wearing a black shirt and black trousers, his hair gelled up and a bit of lip balm on his lips, he’s still giving you butterflies. 

“Thank you for coming really! Dahyun will be so overjoyed. She’s just in the other room with all the friends, they’re playing with her toys.”

“Oh it’s nothing at all. We just dropped by because we love Dahyun so much, and because hyung was so insistent,” the other teacher, Chan, says. “We haven’t met each other yet, have we?” “No, I’m afraid not. But I have heard so much about your dance classes from Dahyunie. She’s really big on sports and dancing, such an active child. A complete opposite from me, so it’s a little hard for me to understand.” You smile as you hand them both a piece of the birthday cake.

“Oh, she must’ve taken after her dad.” Chan says with a smile, unknowingly speaking the truth. 

“You’re right. She has.”

“This tastes amazing, Y/N-ah.” Seungkwan quietly says as he eats his cake. 

“Oh. I’m glad. I made it for her. Chocolate is her favourite flavour.” 

“Would it be too much for ask for another slice?” Chan says with a giggle, and you cry out, “Of course not! I’m a bad host for not offering you anyway. I’m sorry, here you go.”

“So, you and hyung know each other from college, I heard.”

Seungkwan’s sharp breath can be heard and you’re instantly on the edge. “Yes. We… were friends.” We were in love. “Your hyung wanted to become a volleyball star at that time, Chan-ssi.” I stole his dream from him. “Oh really? I never knew you played it so seriously, hyung! Y/N-ssi, did you also play?” “Oh no. Like I said, I was never into sports.” 

“No.” You almost miss Seungkwan’s voice. “Your parents never encouraged you to try out sports.” Chan looks at him puzzled, and he continues, “It’s important for parents to let children experiment with different things as a child to let them make their own choices. I hope you won’t make the same mistakes your parents made, Y/N-ah.” 

You’re silent for a second before replying, “I’m here because I’m not going to make the same mistakes, Seungkwan. But it’s fair for you to not trust me to be a good mother.”

“I never said that,” his eyes soften. “I’ve always known you’d be the best mother, Y/N-ah. And I can see that in the way Dahyun’s been brought up.”

In that moment with electricity charged between your gazes, you’ve both forgotten about Chan sitting there right in between you two. There’s so much going unsaid, so much you can’t even explain, so much you don’t even want to admit to yourself. 

“Chan Ssaem! Seungkwan Ssaem! You came!” Dahyun bursts in suddenly, and behind her are a flurry of other tiny kids from her class. They all cheer very loudly on seeing their teachers, quite shocked to see them outside class. Seungkwan gives her a gift- it’s a set of jigsaw puzzles, and Chan places a faux crown on her head as he gives her a book. The tensions dissolve, and you’re glad. 

Chan leaves after a short while, but on your (and Dahyun’s) request, Seungkwan stays. He stays long enough to see all the kids leave one by one, and Dahyun becoming tired from all that playing and chattering. So after you’ve cleaned up the house from the mess of the party, grateful that your daughter enjoyed so much but also overstimulated from it all, you almost cry when you see Seungkwan sitting on the couch with Dahyun asleep in his lap, his head bent as he scrolls through his phone. You wonder, if in another life, in another world, in another universe, this would be your life and not a mirage you yearned for. 

But what if you were brave? What if you could be ambitious and try to have it all in this life itself?

“Ice cream for dessert.” You hand the bowl to Seungkwan as you sit on the other side of the sofa. You softly take Dahyun and twist her into your lap, and she instantly wraps herself around you as she finds your warmth. You can’t help but kiss her forehead fondly, mirroring the expression Seungkwan wears right now. 

“You’ve really brought her up so well. She’s got all your good genes.”

“And yours.”

Seungkwan’s hand stills mid-air when he was trying to scoop into the ice cream. 

“What did you say?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve never wondered. She is four years old, and she looks remarkably like you. The similarities are obvious.”

“But I… I didn’t dare to- no! You’re lying.” Seungkwan’s voice becomes a harsh whisper as he stares at you incredulously. You match his gaze, letting down your shield. “I’m not.” He continues to stare at you. Then he suddenly drops to his knees near your feet and says, “Y/N. Don’t be cruel to me anymore. You can’t joke about-” “I’m not joking, Seungkwan, why won’t you believe me?” “Because I don’t want to believe and become hopeful only to lose it all again!” You’re both nearly shouting but in loud whispers, trying to not wake up Dahyun, who’s surprisingly, still peacefully snoring away. 

You stand up and pull Seungkwan to his feet. Then you drag him to the bedroom and gently close the door. 

“You can test it. I’m not lying.” You softly grab his wrist, but he shivers. “You’re going to make me mad, Y/N. How is this possible? Why did you not tell me? Why did you leave me then?” He finally asks, his voice hoarse with emotion. 

“Do you really not know?”

“No… I do. You sent that letter.”

“I didn’t. I found out years later about it. My mother sent it. You think I’d break up with you over a typed letter?”

“So? What was it for?”

“They didn’t let me out of the house. Wouldn’t let me meet you. Or anyone. The only way to get out of that hell was to marry Sehun.”

“I read about the wedding in the local newspaper.” He shakes his head bitterly. “But he was truly your match- in status, and in wealth.”

“You know I’ve never cared for anything like that.” You tug at his wrist, and he looks up at you. 

“Is that why you left him? Because of Dahyun? But why so late then?”

“I was waiting to gather enough finances. Plus, he didn’t even suspect anything until six months ago. Perfectly timed, coincidentally, for my savings to come up to a good amount for me to confidently move out.”

He shakes his head vigorously, his eyes wide. “No, no… you’re not making sense. Can you start from the beginning?”

So you do. You tell him everything, from the beginning. By the end of it, he’s sitting on your bed, next to you, as you both stare at your feet. It feels so relieving and so freeing to tell him, someone apart from yourself the whole truth. It’s like a weight lifted off your chest and a headache that dissipates into thin air. You slouch back and look at Seungkwan, who’s still looking like he’s in shock. 

After a solid ten minutes, he says, “Why didn’t you tell me before, Y/N?”

“I… I don’t know. I didn’t know how you’d react, I didn’t know if you’d accept us. I didn’t know what would happen if somehow the truth reached my parents. I was obsessed with protecting my daughter, first, you see.”

“I do see. But I… it still hurts that you didn’t trust me with it.”

“But it would be fair for you… back then, and even now, to not want us in your life. To remain strangers forever. I- I would understand. You have every right to be angry at me-”

“I’d think you would know me better than this, Y/N-ah. You would know that no matter how many times you leave me, if you ever want to come back I would open my arms wide and fall to your feet to let me love you again.”

A stray tear escapes your eyes. It’s a stab to your chest, and you extend a hand slowly to touch Seungkwan’s hands which lie in his lap. He doesn’t say a word, only opens his fingers to capture your hand in his and tightly seals the clasp. It’s so warm, his hands. The touch is remarkably familiar. 

“What do you want, Seungkwan-ah? I’ve given it all up to you. I’ll take whatever you give me.”

He just looks up at you, his hand still holding on to yours. He doesn’t say a word, but then he gently leans in. You think he’s going to whisper something, but then he places a small kiss on your lips. It’s a peck, no more, but it sends your body in overdrive. Suddenly, you’re floating and drowning all at the same time. “She has your hair,” he says, his breath mingling into yours as his lips move just a few inches away from you, eyes still locked. You giggle. It’s true- Dahyun’s hair is just the same as yours, but the rest of her completely looks like him, you know. “I can’t… I can’t believe it that you’re here, Kwan-ah.” “Neither can I. When you arrived at the creche that day, I thought I was hallucinating. Even more when I saw your little girl sitting in your arms.” “Our little girl. We made her.” You can see the way Seungkwan’s entire face turns red. “Fuck, Y/N. How can you say it so easily?” “Because I’ve had four years to adjust to it. I’m sorry if I’ve bombed you with too much information too fast.” “No kidding. It felt like that climax scene from a romcom movie except this is real life, it was my life.” “Don’t be dramatic. Why did you kiss me?” “Because I missed you?” And it’s your turn to become red with embarrassment. Some part of you feels overjoyed, but still so guilty. So you move away from him, taking away from your hand from his grip and turning your entire body away. 

“Y/N?”

“I’m sorry, Kwan-ah. I’ve hurt you so much already. You shouldn’t forgive me so easily.”

He softly grips your shoulders and turns you to face him. “I have been hurt by your actions, it’s true. You left me in an abyss from which only I know how I escaped. But it still didn’t feel like you. After all the love you gave me, how could you just run away from me by leaving that letter and marry someone else? I couldn’t believe that you could be so cruel, so deceiving. But everything around me told me I was wrong. Your marriage announcement, the way you didn’t call me or even contact me, or in fact, any of our college friends, everything was eventually proving to me that you were gone forever from my life.”

More tears flood down your cheeks. His grip tightens, and he continues. “But you’ve explained the truth to me, and now I can’t help but forgive you. Because I know I was right. All along, in my heart, I knew it and I was right. And now you’re here. I would be a fool to let you go again.” 

“But-”

“There’s no buts. I’m not looking back.”

And he hugs you, his warmth engulfing your entire body as you cling to him. He smells sweet, like he did all those years ago, and you hold him close, so close that you can’t breathe but you can’t let go either. 

“Baby? I can’t breathe.” Seungkwan whispers in your ears, and you shiver in the shock of hearing the pet name. “I’m sorry, I’ll-”

“No, don’t be sorry. Let’s get Dahyunie into bed, hmm? Do you sleep with her?”

“I do. This is our bedroom.”

“Then let’s get her to bed.”

“Will you stay?”

“Hmm?” Seungkwan looks at you, his eyes wet but fond, as he walks towards the door to pick up Dahyun where she’s sleeping on the couch. 

“Stay with us?”

“Are you going to tell Dahyun?”

“What do you say?”

“It’s your call. You’re her mother.”

“And you’re her father,” you whisper as you walk towards him and sling your hands around his neck. 

“God, don’t say it so casually. It hasn’t sunk in yet.”

You lean in and kiss him on his cheek. “I was thinking- maybe if she woke up and found her favourite Ssaem cuddling her, would she be pleasantly surprised?”

“What if she gets creeped out?”

“Oh god. I think Dahyun loves you enough to not be creeped out by it. At most, she’d think we’re dating now.”

“We’re not?”

“Are we?” 

He kisses you softly on your cheek, an open-mouthed kiss that leaves your skin wet. “I love you Y/N. I never stopped loving you. Will you have me back again in your life?”

You hug him tightly again, your nerves tingling with joy. “Oh god, I love you too, Seungkwan-ah. I’ll love you better this time.”

“Shh, darling. Let’s get our little baby to sleep now, hmm?”

You look at him, and you see stars. It’s a miracle, nothing short of that. But he’s yours. Again. 

“Shall we change her last name to Boo now?”

“Oh dear. Boo Dahyun?”

“It sounds so cute!”

“Now stop squealing or I can’t open the door otherwise she’ll wake up!” 

“Sorry, I’ll be quiet, baby.” 

He smiles widely and kisses you again, full on your mouth, “I promise, I’ll never let you go. Nor Dahyunie. I love you so much.”

a/n: read the stories of the other three boys here! would love to hear your feedback!

[winchesterwild78]

On the Ninth Day of Christmas

Master List

Characters: Beau Arlen x Reader, Cassie, Jenny

Warnings: fluff, SMUT (not too heavy), angst, language

A/N: Day 9 of my holiday fics. I hope you enjoy this short series. I’m really excited about it. All work is my own, please don’t take it. Reblogs and likes are welcomed. 

I do not own the rights to the characters I use, these will not follow the story lines of the series the character appeared in. This is a work of fiction.

Written fast and edited fast, please overlook any errors. 

This one got a little long, sorry. 

Minors DNI 18+

Jenny Hoyt and I had been friends since elementary school. She was like a sister to me and we were with each other through all the ups and downs life threw at us. 

When Cody was killed I was there for her, offering comfort and support. I trust her with my life, and not just because she’s a cop. 

It was about two weeks until Christmas and Jenny wanted me to come by the Sheriff’s office this afternoon to grab some lunch and go shopping. 

Jenny told me about the new interim Sheriff, Beau Arlen. I could tell by the way she talked about him that she liked him, so I was curious what this Texas boy looked like and if he was going to take care of her heart. 

I arrived at the office a few minutes early, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. I sat in Jenny’s office scrolling on my phone when I heard a knock on the door. 

“Hey Hoyt, you got a second?” I looked up and saw the lightest green eyes I’d ever seen. My breath hitched. 

“Oh sorry, I didn't realize there was someone in here.” He said as he offered a soft smile. I stood, eyes still locked on his, “It’s okay. I was just waiting for Jenny. I’m Y/N.” I extended my hand. He took it and shook my hand, “I’m Sheriff Beau Arlen, nice to meet you, darlin’.” His voice dripped with a southern drawl. My breathing quickened and I didn’t want to let go. 

“So, Y/N, how do you know Hoyt?” He asked as we let go. “Oh she’s like a sister to me. We’ve been friends since elementary school.” He nodded and smiled. 

A silence fell between us. Jenny stepped in the office breaking the silence, “Y/N! You’re here. Hey Beau, I see you’ve met Y/N.” He smiled, tipped his hat and said yes. 

“You about ready to go, Y/N? Oh, Beau, did you need something?” “Nothing that can’t wait. I’ll catch up with you later. It was nice to meet you Y/N.” He touched my arm. “Yeah, it was nice to meet you too, Beau.” 

About an hour later Jenny and I were shopping and my mind kept drifting back to Beau. I couldn’t help it. I was so lost in thought I didn’t hear Jenny when she asked my opinion on a gift. “Hey, Earth to Y/N.” “Oh, sorry. What did you say?” “Are you okay Y/N? You seem distracted.” I bit my lip. How could I admit I found her boss attractive, and I knew she liked him. I couldn’t do that to her. 

“Yeah, just inside my head about some things.” “Are some of those things a certain green eyed, bow legged Sheriff?” I spin my head around, “What? No, of course not. Besides, I know you like him.” 

Jenny stepped closer and touched my arm, “Oh honey, he’s good looking, but I don’t like him like that. Besides, I saw how he looked at you, he’s smitten.” I smiled. My heart fluttered in my chest. 

“If you want to pursue him I would support it, and he better not break your heart or I’ll kick his ass.” I laughed, “We’ll see. What can you tell me about him?” “Let’s grab some lunch and I’ll tell you all about him.” I nodded, we paid for our purchases and went to the diner to grab some lunch. 

We sat down and ordered our lunch. The diner filled with the lunch rush and the sound of holiday music filled the air. “So Beau moved here to be our interim Sheriff. His ex-wife Carla and their daughter, Emily moved here, so he moved to be closer to them. He loves his daughter and is amazing with her. He’s kind, and an amazing friend.” I nodded taking in everything she said. He seemed too good to be true. 

“So how is his relationship with his ex-wife?” I was terrified of the answer, because I’d dated people with ex’s before and they weren’t completely over them. 

“They get along. He doesn’t talk about her much, I just know they divorced and she’s remarried to a guy he doesn’t like.” I nodded and bit my lip. 

Jenny’s phone rang and I could tell it was work. When she hung up she apologized and said she had to get back. We got our food to go and she drove us to the Sheriff’s office. 

We stood in the parking lot saying our goodbyes when I looked up and saw Beau approaching. I offered him a soft smile. “Hey Hoyt, sorry to pull you back in, but I needed backup. Y/N, I’m sorry I had to take her away from you. I promise I’ll make it up to you.” He stepped closer and my breath hitched. 

“Oh, it’s okay. We were pretty much done anyway. Y’all be careful. Jenny, call me later.” We exchanged a hug and her and Beau climbed in her truck and pulled out. 

A few hours later I got a text from Jenny.

Jenny: Hey, I hope you don’t mind but I gave Beau your number. He insisted on making it up to you for him crashing our afternoon. 

Me: It’s fine. Please tell him he really doesn’t need to. 

Jenny: I did, but he’s stubborn. Sounds like someone else I know. 😂

Me: Funny. I can think of someone just as stubborn.

Jenny: True, but you are more stubborn. 

Me: Fine. But seriously, I don’t want to overstep with him.

Jenny: Girl, if he asks you out, jump on that. He’s not been on any dates since he’s been here.

Me: Okay, if you’re sure.

Jenny: Yes! But when y’all get married I better be the maid of honor.

I laughed out loud.

Me: Deal! Love you!

Jenny: Love you too!

I sat on my couch reading a book when there was a soft knock on my door. I looked at the time and it was about 7pm. I looked through the peephole and my breath caught in my throat. It was Beau. I took a steady breath, bit my lower lip and opened the door.

Our eyes met and he smiled. I instantly got weak in the knees. “Beau?” He grinned, “Hey, sweetheart. I hope you don’t mind me stopping by.” “Oh, no, come on in.” I stepped to the side and let him in.

He walked into the living room and looked around. “Nice place you’ve got here.” “Thank you.” He held up a bag, “I hope you don’t mind. I asked Hoyt what your favorite food was and I brought it over as a peace offering.” 

I looked confused, “A peace offering, what for?” “For taking Hoyt this afternoon.” I smirked, “Beau, I told you it was fine. You needed her back at work. I understand.” 

“Well, still I wanted to bring you something to eat.” “Thank you, you can put it here.” I motioned to the kitchen counter. Beau started to take out the containers and I smiled as I smelled my favorite meal from the chinese restaurant. 

I grabbed some plates and silverware, “Can I offer you anything to drink? I have water, soda, beer and wine.” “Beer sounds great, thank you.” 

I walked to the refrigerator and grabbed him a beer and me a bottle of water. As I turned around I noticed he looked away quickly. Was he checking  me out? My cheeks flushed red. 

We sat on the couch and ate while a Christmas movie played on tv. Neither one of us was really paying attention. “Thanks again for this, Beau. It’s really hitting the spot.” He nodded, “Yeah, it is pretty good. Glad you like it.” He smiled. 

“So, Y/N, tell me about yourself. Married, Boyfriend, Girlfriend, kids?” “No to all of the above.” I laughed. “There isn’t much to tell. I’m single, I’ve been that way for a few years now. I was engaged, it didn’t work out. He decided a week before the wedding he was still in love with his ex. I found out when I found them in our bed together. Jenny is like a sister to me, and annoys me just like one. Tell me about yourself, Beau.” 

“Well, I’m new here. My ex, Carla is here and so is my daughter, Emily. We share custody, and she’s got me wrapped around her finger. Em definitely keeps me in check too. She’s got a fire in her that I pray won’t go away.” 

He sighed and smiled. I noticed how his eyes filled with love when he talked about his daughter. I couldn’t help it but I touched his hand, “She sounds amazing, Beau. I hope I get to meet her one day.” 

The rest of the night we talked, stolen glances and light touches were exchanged. Every time his calloused fingers brushed against my skin it sent a shiver through me. 

Beau noticed the time, it was after midnight, “Oh Y/N, I’m so sorry. It’s late. I should let you get some sleep.” My heart sank a little. I really didn’t want him to leave. 

“Okay, yeah it is kinda late. I’m sure you have to get up early yourself.” He nodded, “Yeah, but I…” He cut himself off. His eyes flicked to mine and then down to my lips. 

I licked them and pulled my bottom lip in between my teeth. My hair had fallen into my face. Beau lifted his hand and tucked the stray piece of hair behind my ear. His thumb brushed against my cheek.

“You’re so beautiful, Y/N.” I leaned into his touch. He stepped closer, and I moved closer. The distance between us is getting smaller. My chest rising and falling faster and my heart beating so loudly I could hear it in my ears.

We were leaning into each other, our lips mere inches apart. “Can I kiss you, sweetheart?” His voice whispered. “Yes” my voice is barely audible. His lips pressed softly to mine. The kiss was soft and tender. Not rushed and not hard. 

The world around us seemed to disappear. His hands softly slid up my neck and into my hair as he deepened the kiss. We pulled apart as the need for air became too much. I blushed and he smirked. 

My lips were on fire. I’d never felt a kiss like that before. I could kiss him all day long. “Wow.” Was all he said at first. I smiled, “Yeah, wow.” 

“Well now I don’t want to leave.” He said with a grin. “I know what you mean, but we can see each other tomorrow if you want.” 

He touched my face, “I’d like that very much.” “Me too.” Beau pulled me into his arms and hugged me, placing a soft kiss on the side of my head. “Good night, Y/N.” “Good night, Beau.”

The next few weeks Beau and I saw each other as often as we could. Our relationship was getting stronger. I’d met Emily, and she was just as sweet as Beau had described. I even met Carla. I was nervous, but she was nice and accepting of our relationship.

It was Christmas Eve night and Beau was coming over so we could exchange our gifts and spend some time together. He was spending Christmas with Emily and I felt like I should let them have their time together. Beau was appreciative. 

When Beau got to my house he was greeted with a candle lit dinner and a home cooked meal. I had gotten off work early, so I wanted to surprise him. After dinner and dessert, we settled on the couch. 

I was so excited to give him his present. “So Beau, are you ready for your gift?” I bit my lip, I was so nervous. He smiled and nodded.

I handed him a small box. He opened it and looked confused. “What’s this?” “It’s a key for you. I want you to feel like this is home too.” He smiled, “I love it, Y/N.” “There’s something else I wanted to give you, but I wasn’t sure how to wrap it.”

“Okay, want me to close my eyes?” He smirked. I nodded. He closed his eyes and I got his present ready. I took a deep breath, “Okay, open your eyes.”

When he opened his eyes I was standing in front of him in a sheer red nightgown that had white fur around the top and bottom. It looked almost like a Santa suit. His eyes went wide, “Damn sweetheart, look at you. C’mere.” He pulled me close to him and down on his lap.

I straddled his lap as he started to kiss me up and down. His hands running on my body. My thighs were on either side of him and I grinded down onto his strained erection. Pulling a moan from his lips. 

I started kissing him and things were heating up. He had a full on erection and my panties were soaked. His hands pulled my hips down onto him. I moaned as my sensitive clit came in contact with his bulge.

Our lips still connected to each other and our hands explored each other’s bodies. “Are you sure, darlin’?” “Yes, Beau. I want you.” “Let’s take this to the bedroom.” He purred. 

I stood and helped him up, he grabbed my waist and pulled me back in flush to his body, his lips landing on mine again. 

Hand in hand we went to the bedroom. Beau removed his clothes and I watched in awe. This man was stunning and his body was perfect. My thighs clenched together and I felt myself get wetter. 

I laid back to the pillows on the bed and Beau climbed between my legs. His fingers hooked my panties and pulled them down. He kissed up my thighs and I squirmed. 

Beau’s mouth ghosted my dripping wet core and I moaned. I felt him smirk as he used his skilled tongue and fingers to make me cum, three times. By the time he was finished my legs were like jello and I felt amazing. 

He removed his boxers, put on a condom and asked again if I was sure. I nodded and told him I was. 

As he pushed in, my walls clenched. His long, thick length stretched me in ways I’d never felt and damn did I want more. As he bottomed out we both moaned. He stilled before he continued. 

Each thrust, each touch sent electricity through my body. His name falling from my lips like a prayer. I wrapped my legs around his waist and moved my body, “Oh Beau, you feel so good. Don’t stop.” My hands on his strong shoulders helping ground me in the moment. 

Beau’s hips snapping into mine, he kissed my lips and moaned. “Oh Carla, you feel incredible.” 

My eyes shot open and my legs fell. “What?!” I tried to wiggle out from under him. “Oh shit! I’m so sorry, Y/N. I have no idea why I said that. Fuck! I didn’t mean it, I swear I wasn’t thinking about her.” 

I grabbed the blanket as he moved off of me. Tears stung my eyes. “Beau, I think you should leave.” 

“Y/N, baby, please. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I called her name out.” I shook my head, “I do. Beau please go.” The tears started to fall as I pulled the blanket around me like a secure hug.

Beau got off the bed, let out a deep sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. 

I turned my back to him, I couldn’t look at him. My heart was broken. Another man I gave my heart to and he was still stuck on his ex. A lump formed in my throat. I had fallen in love with Beau, and of course he would break my heart. 

Beau got dressed, stopped at the bedroom door and said, “I’m so sorry, darlin’. I love you.” 

I let out an audible sob. The first time he says I love you and it’s right after he breaks my fucking heart. As soon as I heard the front door I let out all the tears I had been holding back. 

Hours later the tears had stopped. Mostly because I didn’t have any left. My eyes and head hurt, and my heart was broken. Exhaustion finally took over my body and I drifted off to a restless sleep. 

Beau arrived home completely defeated and angry at himself. He had no idea why he called Carla’s name out. He wasn’t thinking about her and he was in love with me. 

He sent Hoyt a text. 

Beau: Hey when you get this can you call me. I fucked up and I don’t know how to fix it. 

Hoyt: give me a minute 

A few minutes later his phone rang. “Hoyt I fucked up bad. She’s never going to forgive me.” “Calm down Arlen, what happened?” Jenny asked as she tried to get him to calm down. 

“We were having a great time and one thing led to another. It was amazing and in the middle of it I called out Carla’s name. I swear I wasn’t thinking about her. I don’t know why I did it. She made me leave and wouldn’t look at me. I don’t know how to fix this.” 

“Damn, Beau. I’m not sure if you can fix this. She went through this with her ex fiancée and found him in bed with his ex right before the wedding. You need to give her some time. I’ll talk to her and see what I can do. She’s going to need some space tonight.” 

Beau let out a frustrated sigh. He was so angry at himself. He couldn’t believe he did that to you and the look in your eyes haunted his mind. 

“Thanks Jenny. Please let me know what I can do to make this right.” 

They exchanged their goodbyes and hung up. 

Jenny sent me a text. 

Jenny: Hey sweetie. He called me and told me what happened. When you’re ready I’m here. I love you. 

I was asleep when the message came in so I didn’t see it right away. 

Christmas morning came and I pulled the blanket over my head. I really couldn’t face anyone today. 

I grabbed my phone and my heart kinda sank when I didn’t see a text from Beau. Of course I really shouldn’t expect one. I saw the message from Jenny. I can’t face her either. So I sent her a text. 

Me: Yeah. I’m not ready to talk. I love you too, Merry Christmas. 

Jenny: Merry Christmas, sweetie. I understand. Will I see you later? 

Me: I don’t know. Honestly right now I’m probably going to say no.

Jenny: I understand sweetie. For what it’s worth he’s really upset about it. He called me last night and told me how he fucked up. 

Me: He really did. Jenny I’m falling for him and in the middle of sex he called me his ex’s name. Then told me he loved me before he left. How do I process that?

Jenny: He told you he loved you? 

Me: yes, before he left. 

Jenny: Oh honey. We will figure it out. I’m not going to push, but you should come over for a little bit today. 

Me: I promise I’ll think about it. Right now I want to be alone. 

Beau got up and looked at his phone. His finger was hovering over my name. He wanted to send me a message but didn’t know what to do. Emily had sent him a message and told her she was excited about today. Beau knew he was going to have to fake happiness for her sake. 

He was happy he got to spend time with her, but his mind kept replaying last night. His heart ached. He was in love and he just fucked it up. 

Jenny: Hey Beau. I’m not sure what to tell you except she said you told her you loved her. She said she loves you too. Reach out to her and just lay it all out there. I’d suggest a text and see if she’s willing to talk on the phone. If not then figure it out. Make her listen. She can be stubborn especially when she’s been hurt. 

Beau: Okay. Thanks Hoyt. I’ll try. 

Beau took a deep breath and let it out. Then he sent a text. 

Y/N: Hey. I know I’m the last person you want to hear from, but I just want to talk. If you don’t want to talk on the phone I’m okay with texting. I’m leaving it up to you. I know I fucked this up and you have every right to be pissed. I just want you to talk to me. 

I looked at the text that came in. My heart cracked more. I know he was in pain, but he called her name out when he was with me. I don’t know what to do. Did I want to hear his voice or just make him text me? 

I ran my fingers through my hair. “Fuck!” I let out a long sigh. 

My finger hovered over his name. I pushed it and the line started ringing. 

“Hey, sweetheart,” he said when he answered the phone. “Hey Beau.” 

“Thank you for calling me. I can’t believe you did, but I’m so happy. Baby I don’t know where to begin.” 

“Beau, are you still in love with Carla?” “No, absolutely not. I’m in love with you. I’ll always care about her because she’s Emily’s mother, but I’m not in love with her. She’s the last woman I had been with before you. Maybe it was a habit, but I swear I wasn’t thinking about her at all. I don’t have an excuse for it, but I swear if you give me another chance to be in your life I’ll never do that again.”

“Beau, you really hurt me. You broke my heart. It brought back all that pain from my ex. He swore he loved me, we were about to get married and I caught him in bed with the ex he said he didn’t care about. I can’t, no I won’t go through that again. I deserve better than to be a second choice.�� 

“I swear, Y/N you’re not nor will you ever be a second choice to me. I’d choose you over and over again. I love you.” 

Tears started to fall. I was terrified to let him in again, but I loved him. “Baby, please don’t cry. I’m so sorry.” I could hear his voice crack. I know he was on the verge of crying too. 

“Beau, I don’t know what to say. Let’s talk about it more tomorrow. I don’t want you to be late to see Em. She deserves your undivided attention. I love you, Beau.” 

“Oh sweetheart, I love you. Maybe I can come by later, if you want me to and we can talk.” “I’d love that Beau. Please give Emily my love and tell her Merry Christmas for me.” “I will, and thank you for at least talking to me. I’ll come by later.” “Okay, Beau.”

We hung up and I felt a little better. I jumped in the shower and when I got out I heard a knock on the front door. I grabbed my robe and put it on. I wasn’t expecting anyone, but I suspected it was Jenny coming to drag me to her house. 

I looked through the peephole and gasped. Opening the door standing with flowers in hand was Beau. “Merry Christmas, darlin’.” He handed me a beautiful bouquet. 

I smiled and stepped to the side letting him in. “Beau, what are you doing here? You’re going to be late seeing Emily.” “No, I was there and she asked where you were. I told her we got into a disagreement and she told me not to come back until I fixed us because she loved you so much.” 

I smiled, “I love her too. She’s such a sweetheart.” “I told her it was all my fault and she read me the riot act. Carla even got in on it and told me not to come back without you. I hope you don’t mind, but I shared with Carla what happened. She called me a dumbass and told me to fix it.”

I gasped softly, “Beau. I know you’re not my ex, and you didn’t do it on purpose. I love you so much. I’m sorry I made you leave.” I threw my arms around him. 

He pulled me tight and placed a soft kiss on my lips, “God I love you. I promise I’ll never hurt you again.” 

“You better not, Beau Arlen. Because I’m not the only one who would kick your butt.” We both chuckled. 

“Now, about Christmas dinner. If I show back up to Carla’s without you she’s going to kill me. Please come with me. They both want you there, I want you there.”

“Okay, I’ll go as long as you promise me something.” “Anything, sweetheart.” “When we leave we come back here and reopen your Christmas present.” “Are you sure, Y/N?” 

I stepped closer, lips ghosting his, “Yes”. Then I kissed him. He pulled me into the kiss deeper and the kiss turned passionate. We finally pulled away, “Merry Christmas, Beau.” “Merry Christmas, Y/N.”

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[morganski-19]

It’s a month after Starcourt when Steve realizes that Robin isn’t leaving. That she meant what she said about sticking around. That they were trauma bonded in two ways now. One in the average minimum wage worker way. The second in the way no one should ever have to be. 

If he had the choice to do it all over again. He’d never ask her to get involved. Would have told Dustin to wait until his shift is over, and then they could go figure it out. It might have taken longer. They might have never figured it out at all. But then another person wouldn’t have been dragged into the bullshit. Robin wouldn’t have nightmares anymore. 

She wouldn’t find herself on his doorstep at two in the morning, drenched in sweat from a mix of the heat and the fear. Bike fallen on the ground by her feet. He wouldn’t have to keep lying that she woke him up. Even if they both knew he hadn’t fallen asleep before four a.m. since that day. 

He won’t have someone to call when he wakes up screaming. Because he can’t call the kids, it’s not their job to calm him down. That’s his. Their phone calls don’t go both ways. Robin’s do though. She insisted on it. 

Worst part of it all is that Steve doesn’t want Robin to leave. But knows she will. This is just until the nightmares stop, then she’ll realize that he’s not worth it anymore. Just like the rest of them. It’s always until the person gets what they need out of Steve, and then they’re gone. No one ever stays because of who he is. 

It was clear the day he dropped Tommy and Carol. How they ran away like flies when you took away the food. They were terrible people, but they were his friends. His only friends. Since elementary school. It all seemed so trivial back then, but he appreciated them for what they were.

Regret is a funny thing. He doesn’t regret dropping them. It would have happened eventually. He regrets the hole that it left though. The emptiness that he’s been running from for a while. They filled the house when his parents were away. Which was more frequent now that he was an adult. They didn’t need to look after him that much anymore. It was his job now. 

Robin made it her job too. Without him asking. He never would have. But when they were both ready to get back to work, she was right there at his door with a resume in hand. Ready to get them both a job together again. Why would they ever need to work at two separate places? They were a package deal now. 

For now. Steve reminded himself. There will come a day that Robin will see that Steve isn’t much different from the kid she hated in high school. He’s still rich, and messy. Still can be really mean when he doesn’t mean to be. He’s sorry for it now. But that doesn’t change the fact that it still happens. 

Yet, like clockwork, she keeps coming around. Keeps calling at the same time every night to talk for hours when they should be asleep. Makes him realize how much he’s going to miss this when it inevitably ends. 

He’d prefer for it to happen rather than later. So he can be less attached. So it will hurt less. 

“How are you still here?” Steve asks one night. When the room is light enough for the nightmares to creep away, but dark enough to still hide the the fear on his face. 

“What do you mean?” Robin asks. Like her being here at all isn’t some big miracle. 

“You know who I was in high school. You know the things I said. The things I did.”

Robin props herself up on her elbows. “And? You’re not like that anymore.”

Steve shakes his head. She’s not getting it. “Part of me still is. Somewhere. I still snap and insult, and be just mean when I feel like I need to be. Even though I don’t half the time. It’s like a reflex I can’t get rid of. I might act like it, but I’m not much different than I was back then.”

“You are,” she says with absolute certainty. 

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.” Robin’s face comes into view. “I might have not known you that well, but I can still see it. In the way you carry yourself, in the way you act around those kids. The person you were back in highschool wouldn’t spare them a second glance. Wouldn’t spare me a second glance. The minute you walked into the ice cream parlor wearing those stupid shorts and dumb hat and saw me behind the counter, it would have been over. I would have been the subject of your torture. But I wasn’t.”

Robin takes Steve’s wrists and pulls him into a sitting position. Looking at him like she means what she says. He believes her. 

“Instead, you were nice to me. Considerate. Snappy sure, but in the way that secretly made me laugh. And never mean, not really. Even when I gave you every chance to be. I was waiting for who you were in history class to show up and he never did. Instead I saw the real you for the first time and I liked it. You are so much more than you give yourself credit for.”

“But what I said-.”

“Is in the past. The person who said those things wouldn’t have made fun of my crush on Tammy Tompson as fast as you did. Or accepted the fact that I liked girls at all. Might have done a lot of things I’m not sure of.” She pauses, swallowing. “When I told you, I was so scared. I had no clue how you would react. And you have no idea how relieved I was when it played out the way it did. You’re the first person I’ve told about this. You don’t know what that means for me.”

Steve stares at her. “I didn’t know that.”

She shrugs. “Yeah well. Now you do.”

“Why me?”

“Well I sort of had to reject you for one,” she jokes. “But, after I saw the way that you protected Dustin and Erica, me, without even blinking. Something about you just felt safe. I know that’s risky as hell and might have not worked out with most people. I just had a feeling that it would work out with you.”

“I’m glad you told me,” he whispers. “I’m glad that I was able to be that first person. And that you felt that you could tell me at all. After all the shit I said.”

“Again, you’re different now. Intentionally different. I might have just been a bystander in the Steve Harrington experience until recently, but I can see that. I hope you can too.”

[freshsturns]

Chris smuttttttt

just what i needed.

- chris sturniolo x reader

a/n: ugh i’m so bad at writing i’m sorry this is horrible 😐 also such a random song but yk who cares..

warnings: smut, little swearing, pet names (baby), fingering.

summary: chris is having anxiety about work and you’re comforting him, something happens and so onnn… 😜

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me and chris are eating pizza we ordered about 20 mins ago at the dining table, until we hear a buzz come from chris’s phone. he picks up his phone seeing a text message from matt, the message reading “nick didn’t like the video we recorded yesterday he wants to re film it” chris sighs as he put his phone down taking a bite of his pepperoni pizza.

“what’s wrong baby?” i ask with a concerned look plastered on my face. he looks up from his plate giving me a pleading look. “i have to go film another video” he mumbles putting his pizza down and picking at his thumbs. i take my hand and place it on top of his interlocking our fingers as i ask “right now?”

“probably. let me check” chris takes his free hand and picks up the phone typing into matts chat. not long after he receives a message back “yes chris right now, hurry up and get to the garage”

“fuck sake..” i heard chris say under his breath standing up from the table and putting his shoes on. “it’s okay chris, go film il wait in your room for you” i say standing up after him placing my hand on his cheek and giving him a soft kiss and leaving the kitchen.

-

as i watch rupauls drag race trying to get to where nick is, chris walks into his room hand on his chest and he shuts the door behind him and leans against it. i sit up from the bed pausing the tv “how was filming?” i smile. chris says nothing as he starts to pace around the room. “chris?” i say again thinking he didn’t hear me. “baby- i cant-” he begins being cut of by his breathing, “i cant- breathe-” he begins to panic.

chris has never had a panic attack before, i have them all the time. i know how to help after matt showed me how to calm them in elementary school, matt has them a lot too. “right chris i want you to listen to me,” i say calmly. i walk over to him taking his hand from his chest and walking him over to the edge of the bed “sit down for me.”

he sits at the edge of the bed looking up at me as he tries to catch his breath. i place his shaking hand on my chest “can you feel me breathe?” i ask him. “yes- baby- what’s happening” he says through breaths.

“just breath baby, feel how i breathe and copy,” i crouch down to look him in the eyes. he takes his hands and place them on my waist as he copy’s my breathing, inhaling and exhaling, inhaling and exhaling until his breathing slowly becomes more stable.

i sit down on his lap straddling him as he moves his hands under my shirt. “you okay?” i ask placing my hand on the back of his neck playing with his curls. he nods his head, “what was that, how did you know how to help?” he questions. “ a panic attack baby, i get them a lot. matt actually helped me when i had my first one” i say giving him a small smile and i move closer to his face brushing my lips against his.

chris hitches under me as he moves his hand further up my shirt and meets my boobs where he plays with my nipples. i re adjust myself on his lap making myself grind against him causing him to take a deep breath.

he takes his lips to mine and kisses me softly, his hands beginning to roam my body moving from my boobs to my waist to my thighs where he stops and squeezes. he deepens the kiss and slips his tongue into my mouth.

i moan into the kiss as i become eager for more, i grind my hips against his crotch making him groan at my actions. he pulls away from the kiss “so beautiful baby” he speaks hoarsely. he takes his hand off my thigh and unbuttons my jeans pulling them down and off my body, to which he throws them on the floor. taking his free hand he moves my thong to the side and he rubs his finger against my folds.

soft moans leave my mouth as he continues to rub me teasingly. “more” i whine. he nods at me slipping two fingers into me and begins pumping fast. my eyes roll to the back of my head as i put my head in the crook of his neck sucking on his skin.

as he pumps and curls his fingers inside of me all i can do is moan his name and grind his fingers while he watches me. “fuck” he mumbles as he hears my pretty sounds. curling his fingers and hitting the spot i loved most i begin to feel a knot in my stomach.

my walls tightened around his fingers as the knot gets more intense picking up his speed he continues to pump his fingers in and out. he takes his free hand and places it over my clit and begins rubbing in circles making my toes curl and head fall back.

after a while i release all over this fingers and his thighs moaning his name out load leaving a huge mess for us to clean up.

“that’s a good girl” chris says slowing down his pace as he kisses my forehead.

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requested by: @mattybswife sorry it took me a while to write this 😣