#like what am i supposed to dooooooo
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bf has a 102.1 degree fever, i’m doing everything i can (ice pack/medicine/fluids) to break it
it’s literally his birthday tomorrow and i have so many things planned that he has no clue about 🥲 i’m going to feel sooooooooooo bad for him if he has to spend his birthday sick
#i’d feel even more worse bc his gift was supposed to be a trip to a location#so if we have to stay home not only am i out like $70 in the non-refundable tickets#but i don’t ever have anything to give him 🥲#pray for me yall#actually give ur energy to him#he needs it 🥲#he sleepin now#the medicine seemed to help but he’s still burning up#idk what to dooooooo#:’(#yappin#personal#misc
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the last two weeks whenever i’ve gone to pick up the older toddler from preschool he runs to me going ‘mommy mommy mommy!’ even though he very much knows i am not mommy ans the workers there Know im not his mom and then occasionally there’s been a supply and they’ll go ‘oh hello *kids* mom!’ and i have to just be like. yeah. i’m. i’m not his mom. and then they’re just like. okay weirdo!! why are u here then!!!
#and he THRIVES off of how much it irritates me even tho i try my best not to let him know it irritates me#and he just knooooows#and it always makes the mom pissy when she hears him call me mom and like#obviously it sucks!!! especially when he’s in such a ‘no mommy’ phase but what else am i supposed to dooooooo
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Hopelessly Devoted - Chapter 3
-About 5.5k. No real warnings in this chapter!
Charlie is more or less freaking out at the moment. She received news a week ago that Esther would be coming back down to assist with the Hotel and would be bringing a guest. Now today is the day of that visit and she feels like nothing is ready. Everything in the hotel feels out of place and she doesn’t know how to fix it.
“Charlie, you need to relax,” Vaggie says, coming up to her and placing her hands on Charlie’s shoulders. Charlie grabs at her own hair in frustration.
“I can’t, Vaggie! Esther didn’t come into the hotel last time and I just want it to be perfect! And she said she’s bringing someone else! What if it’s Sera? What if it’s Michael?! WHAT IF IT'S GOD?!”
“Charlie! She’s not bringing God to our hotel! And I doubt she’d bring Michael here! He’s probably the last person who’d ever willingly down here.”
Charlie groans and slumps into Vaggies hold. “What am I gonna dooooooo-“
“Do about what?”
“Ah!” Charlie jumps out of Vaggie’s hold and looks to the entrance where her dad is standing. His eyebrows furrow in concern.
“You doing alright, apple pie? You look uhhh kinda tired,” he inquires.
“Dad! Hi! I could really use your help right now! Esther is coming down any minute now and he’s bringing someone and-“
“Esther!” Her dad yells, his hands now gripping her arms. “She’s coming here?! Today?! Now?!!”
“Ooooh I see I forgot to mention that,” Charlie replies sheepishly, laughing awkwardly to herself. “I knew I was forgetting something.”
Lucifer’s hands let go of her to grip his own hair, knowing his hat off his head. He starts pacing as he freaks out.
“Oh hell she’s coming here. I haven’t prepared anything. Nothing has felt right! I haven’t even had the time to fix up my wings. My WINGS!”
He yells, and his wings pop out behind him in the largest form Charlie’s seen from him in months, knocking over a painting as he does so. “Satan’s smelly asscrack! They’re a mess! How the fuck am I supposed to impress her with this disaster?!”
“I don’t think Uncle Satan would appreciate that comment,” Charlie mumbles, trying to defuse the situation.
“He’s an ugly sweaty fuck! He can handle a few insults in his name!” Lucifer yells back. He pauses, groans, and rubs at his temples. “Sorry, apple pie. I’m just nervous and didn’t mean to yell. Satan definitely deserves it though.”
“Aren’t the two of you supposed to be twins or something?” Vaggie asks, approaching the two of them. “Isn’t that why people confuse you two so often?”
“Aha, no, you know all those pictures of a red dude with horns that people think is me? That’s Satan. He’s just such a damn menace that of course when shit goes sideways, they think he’s the actual devil which then confuses people and- you know what? It’s a whole thing. The point is, he smells like shit half the time I see him and I think he does it on purpose.”
“Dad, I think we’re off track again. Why are you freaking out about your wings? And can you please make them smaller before you break anything else?” Charlie asks.
Sheepishly, Lucifer does just that, letting them get smaller until they’re at a more appropriate size indoors. He snaps his fingers to fix the things he knocked over and continues pacing as he fiddles with his hands.
How does one explain to their daughter that he has an inside joke of sorts with his soulmate and now as part of proving himself to her again, he has to behave like a duck during mating season and impress her.
Shit, had Esther even meant that literally? Knowing her humor, she probably did, though she definitely expected more than just that as an apology. He wasn’t entirely sure how to apologize either. He’d told her everything the week before. Of course, just because he explained and apologized doesn’t mean she had to forgive him. And he knew one apology wouldn’t make up for several millennia apart, due to his own actions, but he really didn’t know what else to say or even do to make it up to her.
It just stressed him out more that he couldn’t think of anything to do about this. He couldn’t lose her again, not when he finally had a second chance. He’d been struggling to sleep for the past week just thinking about her. Her beautiful dark blue eyes, her wavy black hair with the streaks of white, the rich blue on the underside of her beautiful wings. Lucifer feels his heart beat a little faster at the thought of her bright smile aimed at him, eyes crinkled at the end in pure joy and those cheek marks on the corner of her mouth so high they almost look like they’re reaching her eyes.
“It’s nothing Char,” he replies to his daughter. “I just want to look my best when she arrives. And you said she’s bringing a gues- Who the fuck is she bringing?”
“We don’t know, sir. We can only assume it’s another angel,” Vaggie answers for her, likely stopping Charlie from panicking again.
“Oh fuck me! It’s probably Michael! It’s definitely Michael,” he replies, hands in his hair again as his eyes start to turn red and his voice sounds almost layered. “She talked about him so much last time, it probably is him. That fucker probably did mess with her head. She said she doesn’t love him but someone with Stockholm Syndrome probably wouldn’t admit they have it!”
“Okay!” Charlie claps loudly. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here! Vaggie’s right. We need to relax and think things through. I doubt she’d bring him of all people here. So let’s just focus on one thing at a time! Like cleaning up the lobby!”
Lucifer looks at his daughter with a blank stare and snaps his finger. A burst of gold sparks from his hand and sweeps around the room, cleaning up any dust and straightening out paintings and chairs alike as it goes.
“Can I go back to panicking now?”
“No!” Charlie yells, grabbing her dad and leading him towards the elevators. “We’re going to go get ourselves looking presentable!”
Vaggie watches in amusement but also concern as her girlfriend drags her whining father out of the lobby. Looking around the room, he definitely did a good job of cleaning up and saved them a good amount of time. Especially after the disaster left in the wake of Charlie’s own panicking.
She’s thankful that her and Charlie’s relationship isn’t as complicated as Lucifer’s and Esther’s. She feels bad for them. Knowing what she knows now, it all seemed like a “right person, wrong time” situation. And who knows how long those two even actually spent together before Lucifer had fallen.
The books she read aren’t exactly clear on how long between Lucifer’s creation and the creation of Eden took place. Lucifer is older than Earth, that much she knows, but how much older remains a mystery to everyone except the man himself, and she isn’t sure if asking is appropriate.
And to an immortal being who’s been around for as long as he has and still looks like a relatively young adult, how does time pass for him? Sinners remain the age they died at, but was Lucifer like Adam, Lilith, and Eve? Was he also created as an adult? Were the older angels created as children and then raised into adulthood before the aging stopped? Looking at a picture of Lucifer and Charlie, Lucifer looks the same age now as he did then. Now that Charlie’s older, he looks like he could’ve been a teenage father.
Had Lucifer and Esther had thousands of years between their creation and the Earth’s creation to spend together, or had it just been a few short years together before their forced separation? It doesn’t really matter, at the end of the day. They seemed to be the first and most functional of three pairs of soulmates ever made.
Like Esther had said the day before. The first attempt to recreate them ended in disaster with Adam and Lilith, Eve… No one in heaven had seen Eve in thousands of years and Adam never cared to talk about her besides when insulting her. The only pair that seemed to want to be together was Lucifer and Esther, and even they weren’t actually together because of the miscommunication between them that caused eons of loneliness for the two of them.
No wonder God never made more soulmates. The more Vaggie thinks about it, the more her head starts to hurt. She walks around the lobby instead, making sure nothing was out of place even with Lucifer’s magic.
A knock on the door alerted her to a guest. Vaggie paused, looking over to the bar where Husk had paused in his own polishing, and stared back at her.
“Try to keep the drinks to a minimum, please,” she says to him. He rolls his eyes but continues wiping the bar as she walks towards the door.
Before she can reach the door, a swirl of shadows lifts from the ground, and she curses to herself as she sees Alastor appear from it. She’s practically sprinting and he shifts his eyes to look at her, smile stretched impossibly wide, as he grips the door and pulls it open.
”Welcome, dear guests, to the Hazbin Hotel,” he says, greeting the two at the door.
There is Esther, smiling softly in greeting, with a taller man beside her. His skin is ghostly white like Lucifer’s, but his hair is black like Esther’s. It’s a bit longer than Lucifer’s, falling more into his face and curling around his neck. His suit is impeccable, white pants, black coat, and gray waistcoat. Along the shoulders of his coat are black pads lined in silver with intricate designs. His eyes are dark gray, bordering on blue closer to the pupils.
He looks like royalty, carries himself with an air of importance, but his eyes look soft and his expression is easygoing. It takes Vaggie a few moments before his appearance clicks in her mind.
This is Azrael, the Archangel of Death, the Virtue of Patience.
He’s rarely seen in any of the spheres of Heaven. He, like Raphael, spends most of his time on Earth. When he does return to Heaven, he passes through the spheres and says his hellos, but typically spends most of his time on Primum Mobile with the other higher ranking angels that aren’t ruling over a sphere like Sera.
If he spends any time in another sphere, it’s likely the first sphere where the majority of the winners reside, or in the third sphere where he was created, Venus, just as Lucifer and Esther were.
Well, Azrael is certainly better than Michael in terms of who would stress Lucifer out the most, but Vaggie isn’t holding out much hope. Esther had mentioned that Azrael was likely to visit, but she hadn’t expected it to be so soon. Especially since it’s only her second visit.
At least she could say that of all the virtues or archangels to bring, the Virtue of Patience would probably be the best to deal with all the chaos the people of this hotel were capable of causing.
Both of their wings were tucked away and out of sight, which was probably for the best both to get them through the door and so they wouldn’t take up too much space. They likely planned on spending a good amount of time there, if that was the case.
Vaggie bows to both of them, nervous at the sight of one of Heaven’s strongest angels. Azrael doesn’t fight, might as well be a pacifist, but that doesn’t mean he’s incapable. The Seven Capital Virtues all have more power than most beings besides God himself, and even they aren’t the top of the hierarchy the way that the Seven Deadly Sins were down here in Hell.
“Welcome! It’s an honor for you to visit us,” Vaggie says. She may not live in Heaven anymore, or agree with everything they do, but even she knows the Virtues and the Archangel of Death deserved her utmost respect. Esther visiting had been a shock, especially since Vaggie had never seen her so she didn’t know her importance.
“Please, no need for all of that,” Azrael replies. His voice is light, almost airy, but strong. It’s so different from Lucifer’s rich and smooth tone of voice. Lucifer, despite his awkwardness around his daughter, talks in a voice that is loud and boisterous when he wants it to be, like he’s demanding attention. Azrael’s voice sounds more like a soft breeze, calming and comforting.
She supposes when it’s your job to console the souls of the dead and guide them towards their final resting place, a comforting tone is probably for the best.
“I assume you know who I am?” Azrael asks, taking a step into the hotel after gesturing for Esther to enter first. Vaggie nods, not sure what else to say. “I don’t get to say this often, but it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
He holds his hand out for her to shake, and she takes it. His grip is just as soft as his voice. “It’s nice to meet you too, sir.”
“None of that. Azrael is just fine,” he replies.
Behind them, Esther is greeting Husk and Alastor. Vaggie wants to warn Esther that staying away from Alastor is for the best, especially considering Lucifer’s hatred for the other man, but there’s really no nice way to say that.
Lucifer’s not going to be happy when he sees both a brother of his that he hasn’t seen in eons suddenly here, and Alastor around the love of his life.
Today’s gonna be a shitty day in hell, that’s for sure.
“Well, where is our lovely host? I’ve been dying to meet my little niece,” Azrael says, looking around the lobby. Esther chuckles behind him.
“The puns will never stop with you, will they?” Esther asks him, a knowing smirk on her lips.
“Not until my last breath,” he teases back. It’s then that Vaggie realizes he’s been making references to death. It’s not something she expected, but knowing how Lucifer acts, she can’t say she’s entirely surprised that the weird jokes run in the family. “Now, my niece, please?”
“Right, yeah, she actually just went upstairs with her dad a few minutes ago, so they should be down shortly,” Vaggie’s replies. She wants to offer to go get them, but the idea of leaving them alone with Alastor sounds like a bad idea. Especially knowing that Husk is likely too drunk even this early in the afternoon to do anything about it.
Something in Azrael’s eyes flash at the mention of Lucifer, and his smile tightens just a bit. It’s not a good sign in Vaggie’s eyes.
“Samael is here as well? How splendid, I’ve missed the little one,” Azrael says back. Vaggie sees Esther roll her eyes at the nickname. It appears Lucifer’s height is a running joke. “My workload increased drastically when my fellow angel of death fell. Of course there are others but Samael was always a joy to work with.”
“You know he prefers to be called Lucifer,” Esther scolds him. Azrael pats her gently. They don’t look alike, besides the black hair, but they act almost like siblings.
The way Lucifer and Esther were created, to be practically married, and the fact that they’ve known each other for thousands of years, Vaggie wouldn’t be surprised if the other Virtues did see her as a sister.
Azrael hums but stays silent on the subject. Instead he chooses to move around the lobby. He goes to the bar to greet a stressed looking Husk as Esther approaches her.
“It’s Vaggie, correct?” She asks and Vaggie nods. “It’s nice to see you again, dear. I apologize for not mentioning Azrael’s visit. He likes surprises and once he has it in his head, there’s no stopping him.”
“Yes ma’am. It was definitely surprising, but I think that’s because I tend to forget that Charlie’s dad was also a high ranking angel.”
“Technically, he still is,” Esther replies. She smiles down at Vaggie, her eyes warm despite the dark cool blue color they have. “He may not be allowed in Heaven anymore, nor is he a Virtue as he once was, but he’s still one of the oldest and strongest of the angels.”
“How interesting,” Alastor says, approaching them. “One would think we’d see more of this strength you speak of.”
“If that was the case, you’d be wiped from existence with the way you like pissing him off, asshole,” Vaggie replies to him. She pauses for a moment to look back at Esther and apologize for her language, but the angel doesn’t look upset at all.
“Well, I suppose some good came from our king’s reclusive nature then!”
Alastor’s eye twitches but he says nothing more, thankfully.
Even after the battle against Adam, Vaggie knows that was nowhere near Lucifer’s full strength. The man was once a Virtue, an Archangel who answered directly to God, and a Seraphim, the highest rank of the angels. He wasn’t called God’s favorite angel for nothing. With all the power Lucifer was given upon his creation, being called the favorite almost felt like an understatement.
Not that there weren’t angels stronger than Lucifer, but Vaggie read about the fall. Lucifer wasn’t just tossed out of the gates like Charlie’s story makes it seem. Lucifer fought, and he fought hard. Michael may have led the charge against him, and been the one to throw him and Lilith towards hell, but it took several angels, mostly Seraphim, to finally weaken him.
Lucifer truly was a terrifying being, even before becoming the first sin.
“I hope you know you have nothing to worry about, dear,” Esther says to her as Alastor walks away. “If he’s anything like he was before, he’s never cared much for power.”
That much is obvious. Alastor didn’t call him a recluse for nothing. Lucifer has made it clear many times that he doesn’t care for sinners or want to truly rule them. The only times he shows off his powers is when he wants to show off for Charlie or do something for her.
“Now, tell me about the hotel, dear. Any new arrivals?”
Vaggie sits with her on the couches as she discusses the details. She’d prefer Charlie to be here, but she won’t keep her waiting either.
They haven’t had any new guests. Half the sinners were scared another attack would come from Heaven and wanted to avoid it. A few cannibals wanted to but really only for the promise of more angels attacking so they could eat more angels. Rosie had taken those few back quickly enough.
Vaggie wasn’t going to mention the cannibals to her, though she did mention their dilemma.
“I see, so an announcement should be made then, to confirm the end of these exterminations,” Esther decides.
That would require either Vox or Katie Killjoy, neither of which Vaggie wanted to deal with or felt Esther should have to.
Before she can respond, the elevator dings. Before she turns, she notices Azrael’s attention now off of Husk and turning towards the elevator as well.
“Okay, we’re ready to get this plan done!” Charlie says as she exits the elevators! Lucifer is behind her, messing with his clothes and patting himself down to make sure nothing is out of place.
“Uhh, Charlie?” Vaggie says, loudly enough for Charlie to hear her. Charlie looks to her, catches sight of Esther, and her eyes go wide.
“Oh shit she’s here already!”
“Where?!” Lucifer calls from behind her, his wings once more popping up. He doesn’t make them as large as last time, but they definitely look a bit better compared to minutes before. They puff up behind him, shaking a bit like a rattle snake’s tail, though clearly more from anxiety than warning.
Vaggie’s eyes shift to look at Esther, who’s covered her mouth a bit and looked away from the display, though based on the way her cheeks are raised, she’s trying to hide a smile.
“Well isn’t this a marvelous display?” a soft voice says. Vaggie turns to her other side where Azrael is standing now beside her, a smile on his face just as before. “Wonderful display of wings, brother.”
“A-Azrael? What are you doing here?” Lucifer shuffles closer to the door of the now closed elevator.
“I do believe Esther mentioned my desire for a visit. I simply couldn’t pass up the chance when she mentioned her plans to return so soon. It’s not often I have a moment to myself after all. But enough of that, this must be my niece, Charlotte, correct?”
“Yes! Hi! I’m Charlie! Um- Uncle?”
Azrael chuckles at Charlie’s stammering and approaches them. It’s at that moment that Lucifer moves forward, eyes narrowed and wings spread high and wide to cover Charlie behind him.
“What are you doing here?” Lucifer repeats, his tone much harsher now compared to his panicked tone before. Esther moves forward now, stepping between Lucifer and Azrael calmly.
She steps closer to Lucifer and grabs one of his hands. “Listen to him first, please. Don’t be rash.”
“Don’t be- You want me to believe one of my brothers just suddenly wants to visit?! Out of the goodness of his heart?!”
“Lucifer-“
“It’s fine, dear,” Azrael says, cutting Esther off. Lucifer’s eyes narrow further at the term of endearment. “He has every right to be suspicious. Our siblings, myself included, have let this go on for far too long right under our noses. And after the last time he saw us, it’s only fair he should be worried.”
Lucifer looks at Azrael with suspicion as he continues.
“Worry not, dear brother, I have no ill will. My intentions were solely to express my apologies for not being aware of this massacre of souls.”
Lucifer’s wings lower a bit when Esther’s hand tightens on his own. He looks at her briefly before looking back at Azrael and rolling his shoulders, allowing his wings to fully disappear again. Esther sighs in relief in front of him and gives him a comforting smile before moving completely out of the way, giving them the full view of Azrael.
It’s Charlie who looks between the three of them before coughing and offering them a seat. Both men nod and Charlie guides them back to the couches where Vaggie is still sitting.
“Thank you, my dear. It truly is wonderful to finally be able to meet you. I wish it were under better circumstances but I suppose there’s no better time than the present,” Azrael says to Charlie. She lights up a bit as she sits beside Vaggie, and motions for him to sit across from her. Esther sits beside him on the couch, and Lucifer looks conflicted before taking a seat beside his daughter, his scowl clear and directed at his brother. “I’m sure you’re aware, but I am Azrael, one of your father’s older brothers. You may call me uncle if you’d like!”
Lucifer’s scowl deepens but says nothing as Charlie squeals in excitement and bursts with questions towards the older man. Vaggie is grateful that Azrael just happens to be the Virtue of Patience, because she isn’t sure any of the other Seven, especially Michael, would’ve lasted as long as him or answered as many questions.
“Babe, slow down. How about we talk about the hotel,” Vaggie suggests. Charlie takes a deep breath before rushing to go get her poster presentation that she’d apparently made especially for this.
She goes into detail about how she understands the number of sinners is greater than the number of winners which is why redemption would help even out the numbers and keep Hell’s population more steady. Azrael and Esther nod along as she speaks, taking in all of the information she presents to them.
“My biggest concern is that so far, we’ve only redeemed one person, and we had to watch him die for that to happen. Does that mean every sinner has to die and just hope they’ll be redeemed?”
“That’s hard to say,” Azrael replies. “Little is known about this, or that redemption was even possible. It shouldn’t be a surprise though. Father always says there is time in one’s life to repent for their ways.”
Charlie nods, happy that someone agrees.
“However,” Azrael continues, “it’s hard to say exactly in the afterlife. There’s a reason I never realized what was going on. I am fine tuned to the lives of living souls, and it is my job to guide them towards their afterlife, whether that be Heaven or Hell. Once they pass either gate, my connection to that soul is lost. They are not meant to die again in their afterlife. They are meant to remain where they are, whether that be punishment in Hell for their sins, or reward for their good behavior in Heaven.”
“But we can change that! We can give sinners a chance to repent in their afterlife,” Charlie replies. Azrael nods, but his face grows a bit more serious.
”I will be honest with you, dear child. This is new territory for all of us. We have yet to see if the souls of the dead can receive a retrial that does not require a second death. But if those from Heaven can fall,” Azrael says, his eyes shifting briefly to Lucifer beside Charlie, “then I have no doubt those from Hell should be able to ascend. I ask that you remain patient as we all navigate through this new discovery.”
Charlie nods along and Azrael smiles brightly at her. He stands, patting down his clothes to remove any wrinkles and offers his hand to Charlie.
”Now! I would love to hear more of your plans to entice sinners to the idea of redemption and a tour of this lovely establishment of yours! Let’s go, I believe your father needs a break from my presence and I would love to hear more about you without his glare on my head,” Azrael announces, already walking towards the elevator with Charlie who’d taken his hand. Vaggie follows after them, confused and a bit entertained by the man’s behavior.
“Now hold on a minute,” Lucifer begins to say, before he feels a hand on his shoulder. He looks over his shoulder at Esther who is smiling at him, and nearly forgets his worries. “Esther, I don’t know how I feel about this.”
”Do you believe I’d bring anyone here that would harm your daughter?” She asks in return. Lucifer pouts a bit but shakes his head. “He’s been very excited about this trip to meet her. The other Seven have wanted to visit as well but Azrael convinced them not to overwhelm you.”
“I think I would prefer Ramiel. Or Raphael. Or Uriel- Or, really anyone but Michael,” Lucifer replies. “Ramiel definitely would be preferred though.”
“Funny you should say that. Uriel and Cassiel send their regards, by the way. They say they love and miss you, and that they will be sure to judge you themselves should I choose to forgive you.” Esther laughs when Lucifer throws his head back and groans. “Ramiel managed to convince them not to, though Michael… Well you know how Michael is. He is hopeful, though he has his concerns.”
“Michael can shove his concerns up his own ass,” Lucifer mumbles to himself, though he smiles finally when Esther laughs a bit at his words. She moves her hand down his arm until it stops around his forearm just below his elbow. He instinctively curls his arm and moves his other to hold her hand on his arm.
“How about you give me your own tour?” She asks him, changing the subject. “I didn’t get to see the hotel last time I was here.”
Lucifer nods and guides her through the hotel for his own tour while his daughter shows his brother around. He’s still wary of it all, but he knows Esther is right. She wouldn’t bring anyone that would hurt them, and Azrael is the least likely, besides Raphael who’s dedicated his life to saving lives, to ever start a fight. Had it been Michael, Lucifer isn’t sure if he could’ve been stopped from attacking him on the spot. He at least has much fonder memories of Azrael.
He guides Esther through the hotel, showing off some of the different rooms such as the parlor, kitchen, or the more recreational areas he added himself simply because he could upon the hotel’s reconstruction. He puffs his chest in pride as she looks on, impressed by the hotel’s amenities.
He vaguely motions towards Alastor’s radio tower, not keen on taking her there, and she doesn’t question his reasoning, thankfully. She seemed to have caught onto his distaste.
Instead, towards the end of their tour, he leads her towards his own workshop. Not his room, he knows she won’t appreciate that level of forwardness, but he knows his new growing collection of rubber ducks will amuse her.
It’s not something he’d typically show off to anyone, and he’s sure under normal circumstances this isn’t something you’d show to someone you were interested in dating, but Esther wasn’t just anyone. This was something so much more than dating.
Part of him wondered, after Hell’s creation, if maybe they were meant to be separated. If humans were allowed to choose their partner, why couldn’t he? It had bugged him for so long. Part of it was what led to Charlie’s creation if he was being honest. But then he’d think of Esther, of her beauty and kindness, of the warmth he felt just when her eyes were on him, and he thought being bound to someone like her was the greatest gift his father ever gave him. He doesn’t regret Charlie, not in the slightest, even if he wishes Charlie’s mother could’ve been Esther, but sometimes he thinks his greatest punishment wasn’t his fall, it was the loss of his other half.
He’d give up everything if it meant another chance with her.
He leads her into his workshop, grinning proudly at the wonder in his eyes at the sight of all his rubber ducks.
She moves further into the room as she lets go of his arm, rushing towards the ducks in the rooms and grabbing at a few.
“Lucifer, what is all of this?” she asks as she chuckles, holding a rubber duck in her hands to inspect its design.
“My rubber duck collection,” he says, laughing to himself as he picks one up. “This isn’t even half of it.”
“Where are the rest?”
“In my manor,” he responds. He sits at his desk and watches her inspect another duck. “I think I made at least one a day for years.”
”That… doesn’t sound very healthy,” Esther says, lowering the duck in her hand and approaching him.
”No, I don’t think it was,” he responded, a melancholic smile on his face. “But they were something that comforted me when I felt like everything else was falling apart. Lilith left, can’t say it was without warning. She was getting tired of my moping and there was really nothing either of us could do about it. The friendship was already falling apart after Charlie’s birth. We tried to get along, we’re still friends, I think, but she didn’t want my hatred for Hell to affect Charlie. Charlie and I weren’t always close because of it. And for a long time, I felt more alone than ever. So I started making these to take my mind off things, and it helped.”
Esther is silent as she kneels in front of him, a hand on his knee in comfort.
She looks at him with those beautiful dark blue eyes, hair falling into them, and he reaches out to move her hand behind her ear.
”Why ducks?” She asks, voice just above a whisper.
”They reminded me of you,” he replies, pressing his forehead against hers. “They were something we created together. I used to create these beautiful projections of them for Charlie when she was a little girl and she loved them. They felt like a little piece of you here with me.”
Esther’s hand that isn’t on his knee moves to his hair, moving through the short hairs on the back of his neck.
“I’ve never stopped thinking about you. I’ll admit I wanted to sometimes. I thought maybe it’d hurt less if I just erased the memory of you, but then I’d think of your smile and everything hurt a little less. I’d think of the times we spent together, of how blissful everything felt with you by my side, and I couldn’t forget you. And then Charlie was born and I wanted her to have a piece of that happiness.”
He closes his eyes as his hands comb through her hair, enjoying the feeling of her’s in his own.
”You truly are something special, Lucifer Morningstar,” Esther says to him. He chuckles lightly and lifts his head to place a kiss on her forehead.
“Only because of you, Esther Eveningstar,” he replies, lips still pressed against her skin.
He never wants to be apart from her again.
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Apologies for any typos. My sleep schedule this week has been lacking to say the least.
Another character introduced! Learning about Azrael was fun for this. When I read he was from the “third heaven” I panicked a bit because it didn’t seem to fit with Dante’s spheres of paradise, but then I remembered that he and Lucifer(Samael) are angels of death, so having them all from the same sphere felt fitting! I was originally going to have Ramiel be the first to visit, as the Virtue of Kindness, but decided on Azrael instead because I thought Patience would be the best for Lucifer to be reintroduced to.
Anyways, at this point I feel like I can’t post a chapter unless I include a drawing at the end. This time I I decided I wanted to draw an idea for Lucifer’s look when he was still the Virtue of Humility. The Story of Hell shows him in a robe and still with his hat. I’ve seen people say his eyes were blue before his fall, but as his name means “the shining one” I feel like gold is more fitting. I also headcanon that his halo didn’t take the shape of a snake until after his fall, with the apple being added because of his actions, and as he took on a more demonic form, his appearance shifted as well. His eyes shifted to red, and when in his demonic form, his irises shift back to gold, but now with red sclera.
I’m not entirely happy with this drawing but, I didn’t want to hold off on posting the chapter so here it is!
Taglist: @dreamcatcher62 @art3misa635 @cimadreamer
#hazbin hotel lucifer#lucifer magne#lucifer morningstar#hazbin hotel#hazbin lucifer#lucifer x reader#hazbin hotel lucifer reader#lucifer morningstar hazbin hotel#lucifer x oc#hazbin hotel lucifer x oc
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exam szn is coming up which obviously means ore distractions, as everyone knows. so what better than to come back to tumblr lol so many tag games etc piling up that i wanna dooooooo
so. let’s have a lil snippet time!
thanks for the tag @in-flvx 💜 this one’s from a wip that was supposed to have been finished & posted for jilypad week but,,,,here we are,,,,,
“Sirius!” Lily exclaims. “We were looking for you.”
“Oh?” He presses a quick kiss to her cheek before bending down to pick Harry up, who immediately cuddles into his arms with a tired sigh. Poor baby, must’ve been exhausted by all the excitement at the beach.
“Yeah, regarding tonight—“ Sirius gulped quietly at the way she said that “—Your room is a bit…messy, I’m sorry. We were reorganising and well, y’know how it goes…”
She shrugs apologetically but all Sirius can think about is how she called it ‘his room’. Not the guest room, not the spare, but his room. Sirius’. He once again pushes past the mushy feelings that rise in him at that little distinction.
“Oh, it’s—it’s fine, I can just take the couch, no problem.” Even if his feet tend to hang off the end, and the edges are a bit lumpy, it’s fine. He resolutely doesn’t think about his comfortable Alaskan King at home.
“Of course you can’t!” Lily scowls at him. “We’re not gonna put you in a couch in your own house, Sirius.”
There it was again, the reference to him belonging here. It was a bit presumptuous, slightly possessive but Sirius was a dog at heart, he was never going to turn down ownership.
“Er—the nursery, then?” he asks, confused.
“What, crammed up in Harry’s crib beside him?” she says with a scoff, “Don’t be silly.”
Sirius blinks. “Where am I sleeping then?”
“With us, of course.” He jumps at the voice booming from behind him, clutching Harry tighter to his chest, whirling around to find James munching on a carrot.
“Where did you come from?” Sirius mutters under his breath before straightening up and saying, louder, “And what do you mean with you?”
“Well, like Lily said,” and here he sends a meaningful, entirely undecipherable, look towards his wife who…blushes? “Your room’s temporarily indisposed, the couch isn’t even an option—don’t give me that look, you barely fit on the thing—and the floor is gonna mess up your back worse than it is.”
“Oi!”
“So, our room it is.”
Right. Of course. Because that’s the obvious conclusions. How could he say no?
(Again, he can’t so he doesn’t)
It’s twenty minutes later, after Harry’s been put to bed, thoroughly kissed by his parents and godfather, after James is done with his nighttime turmeric milk and Lily’s put her hair up into braids and Sirius has taken out all his rings and chains and bracelets—that’s when he’s stumped by yet another problem.
How, exactly, are they going to sleep in one bed?
“We’re just going to expand it a little, Pads, don’t worry,” James says, supremely unconcerned.
He goggles at that, staring at the casual wand work. A part of him wonders why this is the extent of magic they’re using to solve this problem—James can conjure a bed Silenced, with his eyes closed—but promptly decides to not dwell on that for everyone’s sake.
#sirius black#james potter#lily evans#jilypad#so. it’s like this#lily is scheming off into the sunset#and blushing when j catches her doing it#bc obv they’ve not talked about it yet#and sirius is just. horribly confused and baffled but also pleased#he’s in love w both of them so he’s not gonna turn down any of it#but he also doesn’t know where he stands rn#u guys i actually rly love this fic#there’s about. 7.5k words of it#and it doesn’t feel like anywhere near ending#and i also have smutty outtakes planned lol#but i just!! need to sit down!! and write!#so many fics i’ve gotta finish 😭#anyway#hope u enjoy!#oh fun fact: james munching on a carrot is me heavy projecting bc….he n i r the same person hehe#pen’s writing
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All those snippets from Kepp the Car Running! Aaaaaah!
You spoil but also torture us! I am hooked and so excited because I know something great is coming! 😍 Already love the angst!
Regarding the happy ending question:
I love happy endings for my inner peace. And Carlando usually deserve a happy ending! They are just meant to be together 🥹
But if there isn't one, that's somehow good too. You're more upset after reading, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. It just shows how much the story has taken you away. I'm a bit torn about this.
The sad ending wip you wrote writing about is not Keep the Car Running but another wip, right? 🥺
I would love to hear about!
No the sad ending fic is Keep the Car Running, BUT (and before I say this I want to remind the class that I write out of order so this does not mean that the fic is done) I may or may not have written an alternative ending too and don't know what I want to dooooooo
As a lover of angst, I like an unhappy ending sometimes. BUT I understand that some people CANNOT do that. So I kinda want to offer an alternative if people want to go through the experience of reading the fic but not be broken at the end? Idk, I'm really torn about it but I am NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING ON KEEP THE CAR RUNNING because I'm supposed to be FINDING A NEW APARTMENT AND FINISHING MY WINTER BREAK EXCHANGE FIC but alas I cannot control when and how the brainworms strike
#I feel like I can't say almost anything about the plot of keep the car running without beginning to spoil things#but just talking about the premise sounds so insane#so its the 80's and carlos is lando's sugar daddy#liek the premise does NOT say angst but I assure you that I intend to rip your heart out#keep the car running#asks
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SOMEBODY HELP I’VE QUITE LITERALLY JUST FINISHED LISTENING TO THE LAST EPISODE OF THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES AND I DON’T KNO00OW WHAT TO DOOOOOOO ANYM0OO000O00O00RE
LIKE WHAT AM I EVEN SUPPOSED TO DO???!?!?!?!!!!?? AFTER HAVING LISTENED TO THAT??!?!?!?!???! HOW IS MY LIFE SUPPOSED TO GO ON WITHOUT HEARING MORE FROM THAT INCREDIBLE FUCKING STORY I WANT TO CRY
(i am aware that there’s still more tma content besides the oficial 200 episode ok but shshhh i’m mourning for my boy martin rn let me suffer)
#the magnus archives#tma liveblog#tma 200#tma#HE HAD TO OFF HIS BF TO SAVE THE WORLD I AM NOT OK#martin blackwood#jon sims#tma finale#elias bitchard#the magnus institute#the magnus pod#the magpod
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reasons i would make an absolutely fantastic Romeo:
*sits on bench, takes jacket off, leaves* THIS AINT A SONG FOR THE BROKENHEARTED! i know... it's super dope! i'm alive! and i came back for my wife! it's my life!! LOVE ME LIKE YOU DO, LO-LO-LOVE ME LIKE YOU DO, TOUCH ME LIKE YOU DO, TO-TO-TOUCH ME LIKE YOU DO, LOVE ME LIKE YOU DO, OHHHHH ........................... WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FORRRRRRR? 😃 i'm just gonna say, straight up, i forgive you! for not killing yourself when you thought i was dead? even though i killed myself when i thought YOU were dead? that's what i'm saying! it's all good, girl! you're not dead, i'm not dead (anymore), what matters is we can finally be together, as husband and wife! you need to chill, Benvolio Juliet? that's literally ALL i said! so, i'm banish-ed? DO NOT SAY BANISH-ED! YOU WANT TO CUT ME INTO LITTLE STARS?? LIKE WITH A KNIFE??? Juliet, you are the sun! arise, fair son, and kill the envious moon- it's true, i've been romantic with other people, but to be honest, i never had much else. i was never a prince, or a soldier, or an artist, or a fool... all i've ever been is... a sexy young man with a tight body and a lot of feelings! so... we're not in love... anymore? 🥺 sorry, i'm getting weirdly emotional! i just wish that i could start over, too, that i didn't have to live with my mistakes for the rest of my life! been young and stupid, i see it nowwwww Juliet, if you can look me in the eyes and tell me you dont love me, i will leave you to your new husband, and be happy for you. I CANT FEEL MY FACE WHEN IM WITH YOU, BUT I LOVE IT *crying (a lot)* love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you dooooooo i've always been more of a lover than a fighter... also i have no upper body strength... i honestly have no idea what i'm doing- *casually is the prettiest person in the history of ever* EVERYBODYYYYYYYY oh, this is very good! actually, she IS married! she's married to ME!!! she was supposed to be with me! i AM a douche! i'm a douche and a drama queen... i'm completely lame!!
Juliet! i have some words i would like to talk at you, Juliet! talking! i have some words i want to speak at you, Juliet, with my mouth! Juliet, you don't have to marry me, or stay married to me... well, it doesn't really matter what i want, does it? are you sure you want to be with me? sorry, why is it Juliet and Romeo and not Romeo and Juliet?
this is just off the top of my head idk if it's any good
#&j#& juliet#& juliet musical#romeo montague#this is genuinely all just off the top of my head i think i forgot a LOT of lines and probably got a lot wrong too#romeo#romeo (& juliet)#& juliet romeo#romeo &j
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Lots of lamenting about my body and developing hypochondria under the cut! Feel free to read but im just venting
I heard recently (i don't know where and that bothers me but I'm too scared of the topic to actually hunt down further information) that breasts of my size aren't really possible to self screen for early stage breast cancer in an effective manner, and that even professionals may struggle. This is information that I already knew through personal experience, because when I try to self screen myself I will inevitably start to panic just due to the textures and tissues I'm feeling. Everyone says, "When you have a lump, you know", but ive been concerned for years that I will NOT know and while it's validating to hear that I'm right it's mortifying to have my fears confirmed.
I've gained a fair amount of weight as I age into my adult body and I grapple with this in a visual sense as an ED survivor and trans man. But separate from that is the FEAR I feel with my breasts being where my weight gain is most apparent. More and more fat and muscle tissue being packed on to and area I'm already scared of becoming diseased.
As this growth has been happening my breast tissue aches more often- from sagging, from being laid/leaned on, from just sheer growing pains- its added a whole new layer of anxiety I didn't feel just a couple months ago. Every time I feel a pang of pain in my chest I go to massage it and identify it and sure enough, there's a lump- but my breasts are full of unidentifiable lumps! WHAT am I supposed to dooooooo
The added factor of not having health insurance is the real driving fear here. If I were sick, who would tell me? If I were sick, how would I pay for the aggressive treatment id need? Every time I get a weird body sensation I have to try not to panic. Like a week ago I took my shirt off at the end of the day and there was a visible and really scary looking lump in my right breast. After I calmed down and double checked it was gone, and hasn't reappeared since, so all I can do is assume it was a stress hallucination...
And of course of course I want them off anyways for gender reasons. I won't even go INTO how fucked up it is that this is happening to me at all. I shouldn't even Have these damn things
I dont know where I'm going with this I just had to get the thoughts out
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IM SO WEAK FOR HIS DIMPLES PLEEEEASE
that one drabble you have with the dimples makes me MELT EVERYTIME.
i will litterally cry over this grown ass mans dimples. like theyre so 🫶🤌🤏🤏 I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE IT
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CZdsbRDI1Se/?igshid=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==
LIKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSWD TO DO WITH THIS CLIP I JUST WANT TO SQUISH HIM??
im so whipped 🫡🫡
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TOO DOOOOOOO LOOK AT THE BREAD CHEEEEKS
i am a fellow dimple enthusiast if you couldnt tell ^^
he's litterally not real.
he says eating his cheeks won’t be easy BUT HE HASNT EVEN LET ME TRY IT YET I KNOW I CAN DO IT 😭😭😭 his cheeks just look extra soft when his dimples appear </3
wait why can’t i remember which drabble that is 🤧 my brain is mush with information overload
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I cannot. I cannot. This “STRAIGHT” man who cried when he moved away from me and called me “habibi” over text yesterday just fucking texted me that he’s taking me to a Mets game in June and that he’s buying us matching Mets pride shirts to wear to the game together….
BRO you cannot make this shit up I am screaming. Bro,,,, bro…. This cannot be just a simple bromance. Everyone has said I was in denial and I was projecting but IM NOT IN DENIAL IM NOT PROJECTING THIS MAN IS PURSUING ME BUT HES TOO DUMB TO REALIZE HES GAY.
I’m supposed to go visit him in two weekends but I’ve scheduled a hookup with someone else who lives there I’m like bro what do I DOOOOOOO????
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fucking microsoft teams won't work I already cleared the cookies and cache what else am I supposed to dooooooo
how am I supposed to work like this goddamn it
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hi this is me screaming into the void cause the depression b bad this last week
today is the worst day
i dont have spicy sad thoughts
i just feel numb and empty and nothing is bringing joy even if it usually does. not even playing with the toddler is making me actually feel happy. its a fake surface-level happiness that means i laugh and giggle with her but the second she turns around my smile falls.
i am taking medication on time every day, no missing days, and i am doing my best
but also i was supposed to start a class this week and i am already an entire week behinddddd
i just wanna go live in the mountains and pet cows and like draw i guess-- just not have to think about the world
even that doesnt sound nice it just sounds better than whatever the hell im doing right now because i feel like im floating in an emptiness that can't be filled. like a vase with a pinprick hole, one you fill up over and over but never notice the tiny leak that drains out
and you cant figure out why your plants never stayed watered because the water is draining in such a way that you dont notice it and it dries up faster than you could notice because you only water ur plants once every day
also im so fucking tired, like i sleep so much but it doesnt make it better. and its not the type of tired that makes me groggy. i just cant help it i yawn and i want to sleep but then when i go to sleep i just stare the ceiling for three and a half hours and pray to whatever is out there that i wont feel this way tomorrow but i dooooooo
anyway i have therapy on thursday, so just gotta deal with the void until then. maybe we'll figure something out. maybe this is just one of those it is what it is.
thanks for reading this nonsense if u read all the way to here. also go curate ur space, unfollow shit that makes u unhappy
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honestly i dont even know what to do when things like this happen because if i get angry or upset over it that only reinforces the idea that people like this have (since this person literally said this sort of thing the moment someone invited him to come out about it) that all trans men are annoying and have fragile egos and arent really that oppressed and are just faking or exaggerating it or something. idk i feel beat down what am i supposed to dooooooo
shoutout to the time a person who id been friends with for like a week and had even gotten to read my favorite book just suddenly blocked me one day without explanation on both tumblr and discord either because i said its okay for afab transfems to exist (which is an opinion i hold that is based entirely on what i have heard the transfems i know say on the matter, btw) or because i am a trans boy and posted frequently about this fact and this person stated that he hates trans men so much that he stopped being one. like damn. fucked up i guess but what are ya gonna do nowadays the people on here will berate you for even so much as saying that it's not "punching up" to call trans males slurs
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man it fucking sucks to be me like what did I do for this year to be so awful
#i was doing a freelance job and it was a nice amount of money that would help me a LOT#i got part of it before starting the job right. as is my procedure i receive 50% before and the rest after#but then i broke my computer and my phone and i had to spend that money already#my deadline was set on the 31st I'll only have my laptop back on the 5th#so i explained to the client what happened and asked him to please extend the deadline as i had not finished the project#and wouldn't be able to send it to him on time#i had 10 days to do it. i started on friday. broke my laptop on monday. and he told me i 'should've finished it all on the weekend already'#as if i knew i wasnt gonna be able to finish it#and now he says he either wants the job done by the 31st or the money back#so i need to take $150 out of my ass to give to him because he cant wait a few more days for his shit done#im really so sad lmfao i feel like i cant keep going nothing is working for me#i cant even say 'things cant get worse' because i know they CAN#i dont have enough money to pay my own bills ffs#my college my cats food and litter my phone my electricity and internet bills. i cant pay for it all#and my mother cant help me as shes still spending a lot bc of her ankle that keeps acting like a bitch#like what am i supposed to dooooooo#people arent hiring me bc i dont have enough experience at the field i wanna work but i don't wanna go back to things i hate#i spent my whole life working on things i hate with people i hate i really just wanna do something that makes me feel good#BUT I CANT#and then i cant even finish a single fucking freelance work because i bROKE MY DAMN LAPTOP#like how am i supposed to live like this 😭😭😭#my whole entire year was disgrace after disgrace literally NOTHING went well for me. nothing.#my sister got covid 3 of my cats got sick i lost 2 jobs lost 2 friends my mother can barely walk i dont have money for anything#my sister fell and hurt her ankle too i had to start taking meds again bc i couldnt handle all the shit happening at the same time#i broke my stuff i shoved a knife on my hand and hate to take a few stitches my migraines came back bc of the stress#but I'm still thankful my cats got better and so did my sister and my mother and i. and my grandma met her grandson so i was happy for her#anyway#negativity tw#depression tw#talks
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what do you do when you need to eat but you hate yourself too much to do that
#like I'll probs feel a bit better after i eat but also my brain is like 'no. fuck you. suffer. it's what you deserve'#and the fact i fucking hate eating bc sensory issues n all that doesn't help obviously 😐#idk... even after managing to get up i couldn't bring myself to eat more than like 3 bites then started feeling sick h#what am i supposed to dooooooo i hate it here#eating disorders //#ig? not really? jic tho
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i haven’t blatantly come out to my roommates but it’s pretty obvious after pride and after i let two of them follow my finsta but literally none of them have brought up anything about it and whenever relationships/sex discussions come up in the room (which is quite often bc they literally talk about sex w/ boys all the time) they never ask me about any of it ever like they avoid all conversations about my sexuality and i think they’ve been avoiding me in general too
like i kid u not 2 weeks ago they wanted me to go out with them so badly (which i couldn’t bc i didnt have fake) but now i do have a fake and they don’t even think twice to invite me out and i swear it’s bc i’m a lesbian
wow living with homophobic ppl is so toxic oh boy
#i love this city so much but they're making my living experience here so toxic and i'm stressed#i just wanna have a healthy time here#and being closeted around them (literally not even but like not being able to talk about girls) and literally being the product of someone's#discomfort is so unsettling and unhealthy for me#like what am i supposed to dooooooo#personal
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