#like we need more manipulative art content

[sceletaflores]

isn't it messed up how i'm just dying to be him?

pairing: stanford!art donaldson x stanford!fem!reader

summary: and there it is. there’s that glimmer of attention, that hint of acknowledgement of him. the heavy look of rage taking over your features, the bite in your tone, it’s what art’s wanted for months. your undivided attention.

—or: art tries to get through to you about patrick, it doesn't go how he thought it would.

word count: 6.2k (i'm so sorry lmao pls still read it's good i promise)

warnings: 18+ SMUT MDNI, p in v, rough sex, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it y’all!), switch!art a little bit, creampie, kinda hate sex but not really, more like angry sex, swearing, fighting as foreplay, art is lowkey a little gay for patrick (it's literally canon), tiny bit of manipulative!art, art is just kinda an asshole in disguise honestly, hints of mean!reader cause i live for that shit, tashi and reader are cute besties, art being a bad bro, porn with too much plot, no use of y/n.

authors note: so this is basically a re-worked version of art and tashi’s dining hall scene when he’s trying to convince her that patrick isn’t in love with her. it’s really similar just way more messy and angry and with sex. this is literally just a tiny thought i had that somehow spiraled just a little bit, but i needed some lowkey asshole!art in my life. i had so much fun writing this, like way too much fun lmao. title is a lyric from fall out boy’s "sugar, we're going down swinging" cause that song fucks so hard and it's soooo art coded. okay bye! mwah xoxo

psst! tftw series masterlist!

Art Donaldson is a patient guy. He's nice, understanding, empathetic. It's something he prides himself on, lots of guys on campus are pricks, but not him. He's "the sweet blonde guy that plays tennis, like, really well!" according to most people who've met him.

That being said, he's not blind to the fact that you frustrate him to the point of wanting to shout himself hoarse and rip his hair out.

It's been a while since he and Patrick met you for the first time at the Open, and Art has been through hell and back about a million times over by now.

He still so vividly remembers watching you step onto the court, the almost visceral reaction he had. The crowd was cheering and clapping nearly as loud as they were for Tashi. There were even a few signs made in support of you scattered throughout the stands. Big poster boards plastered with your name and your winning streak and pictures of you playing, tennis balls and rackets drawn from markers decorating them.

It was obvious you were a favorite, and it was more than obvious how much you lived for it.

Smiling and waving to the crowd, fully basking in their respect and adoration. You were nearly glowing, Art couldn't take his eyes off you. He could tell that Patrick was thinking the same thing, if the way his thigh tensed up where it was plastered against Arts was any hint, his breath slightly catching as you started stretching.

"Goddamn..." Patrick had muttered under his breath. Art could distantly see his hand clench on top of his thigh when you bent over to tighten your laces. He always tries to be less shameless than Patrick but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t just as affected by you, fighting the urge to shift in his seat.

After you and Tashi walked up to the net with matching smiles and shook hands for a little longer than usual, it was time to start. Art watched as both of you got in position on the opposite ends of the court. Both of your faces lost the easy-going, excited expressions you’d shared when you first walked out, hardening in concentration as Tashi got ready to serve.

Patrick and Art openly gawking at the two of you would have been embarrassing if it wasn’t so fucking justified.

You and Tashi made magic happen on that court. 

It was powerful hit after powerful hit. Tashi’s backhand was out of this world, your overhand was a monster. Every rally, every volley, every serve was pure perfection. Art had never seen tennis played like that before in his life, he couldn't help but get sucked into your world the longer he watched.

The match was close, completely neck-and-neck throughout each set, neither of you willing to give an inch to the other. Tashi won by a single point, hardly wasting any time before she vaulted over the net to come barreling into your open arms, crashing into you so hard it knocked the two of you to the ground.

You both grasped at each other like lifelines on the hard concrete of the court as the announcer crowned Tashi the 2006 girl’s U.S Open champion.

Art let out a long breath and deflated a little deeper in his seat. His mind racing, he didn’t need to look at Patrick to know he felt the same. They sat in silence like that until the stands were practically empty. 

“What time did you say the party was again?”

Art pointedly ignored Patrick staring at him with a shit-eating grin on his face, stretching his arms out in feigned nonchalance. Patrick just snorted, shaking his head and squeezing Art’s thigh.

That was then, now Art sits across from you in the Stanford dining hall at the same table you two eat lunch at everyday, trying to stay cool as you complain about the latest biology lab you’re doing. 

He’s hardly listening to you, too busy trying his best to not glare too obviously at the hoodie you're wearing. One that he knows for a fact belongs to Patrick. You must have kept it the last time he was in town. The Nike swoosh embroidered to the front almost mocks him. Art puts his water down with a little more force than necessary.

Patrick and you being…whatever the two of you are now was something he tried his best to be okay with in the beginning.

Patrick’s his best guy, Art should have been so stoked that you were into him as much as he was into you when the two of them walked up to congratulate you and Tashi at the Adidas party. Only being able to steal you away from the house after you said your goodbyes to Tashi and her parents, inviting you to join them down at the beach.

It was obvious you were playing into Patrick’s attempts to get in your pants. Not blushing or averting your eyes shyly when he blatantly checked you out, throwing out smart comebacks to his sleazy lines, looking up at him through your lashes and biting your lip.

It would have been soul-crushing if Art wasn’t such a good friend. So, he stifled the rising feelings of jealousy and plastered a smile on his face as he watched Patrick shamelessly flirt with you.

It wasn’t like it was your fault. Art didn’t come on as strong as Patrick, he never did. Plus it wasn’t like he and Patrick had talked about who could try and score with you prior to the party, anything was fair game.

Besides, you were nice enough to Art that night. Chatting about college admissions and smiling at him over your coke bottle. Sure, it stung seeing you laugh at Patrick’s stupid jokes while the two of you smoked off the same cigarette, but there was nothing he could do about it.

You choosing Patrick had nothing to do with him. Everyone always chose Patrick, he was used to it by now.

At least he thought he was, but the longer it was just you and him, the more angry he felt each time Patrick would visit and steal all your attention. It wasn’t just jealousy or frustration anymore; it was a gnawing, consuming rage that twisted his insides every time he saw you light up around Patrick.

Patrick didn't fucking deserve you. You were too good for him. Nothing like all the easy, ditsy girls he fucked his way through at the academy. You were special, unlike any girl Art’s ever met. Patrick would just take you for granted. He'd grow tired of you, completely dismissing you when he got bored enough. Any day now he'd call Art to spill on his latest hookup with some chick he met on tour. 

But Art didn’t want to sit around and wait for that day to come. He couldn’t stand the thought of you being hurt by Patrick’s inevitable indifference. The idea of you, heartbroken and discarded, made his blood boil. You deserve more than that. You deserve someone who sees you for who you truly are, not just a trophy. 

Art knows he could be that person for you if you’d give him a chance, if for once you’d look at him instead of Patrick. He just has to find a way to get you to understand that.

“Pat texted me this morning,” you say from across the table, boredly poking at your pasta. “He’s gonna be here later this week, says he wants to go see 30 Days of Night. You and Tashi should come with us.”

Art hums noncommittally, not looking at you as he takes another bite of his salad. You do this a lot– extend invites to Art and Tashi when you and Patrick go out.

Art knows you think you’re being nice by trying to make them feel included, but getting invited usually means having to watch Patrick touch you and kiss you and walk around with his hand in your back pocket.

Art’s fork stabs into his salad roughly. He takes a slow breath, trying to calm the emotions starting to swirl inside him. “Yeah, sure,” he says eventually, forcing a smile. “Sounds fun.”

He sneaks a look at you from under his lashes. You’re already looking at him, brow raised at his clipped tone. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

Art shakes his head, waving a hand dismissively. “No, no, it’s fine. I’ll be there.”

“Okay,” you say slowly, still watching him with a hint of skepticism. “Are you alright? You’ve been weird all day.”

Art lets out a small laugh, but it sounds more sour than sweet, and finally looks up at you. You look back expectantly, concern lingering in your eyes. “Nothing, it’s just…” he pauses, drumming the fingers of his left hand on the table, “the fact that you two are still going out surprises me. That’s all.”

He regrets it as soon as he says it, words sounding way more patronizing than he wanted. His chest immediately tightens with guilt, but he doesn’t wince or shrink back like he normally would, just keeps his eyes on you.

Your brows furrow, a tiny frown pulling at the corners of your lips. “What?” you ask, fork stilling in your hand. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Art just sighs, putting his fork down and leaning towards you. “I know Patrick better than you do,” he says with a tiny shrug, “he’s always had a hard time with…commitment.” He says slowly, searching for the right word.

You don’t say anything for a couple seconds, eyes scanning over his face slowly like you're examining him. Art forces himself to not start squirming under your intense, studying gaze.

You don’t seem to like what you find, eyes narrowing as you push your tray away from you and lean back in your seat. “Are you seriously shit talking your own best friend right now?”

Art’s brow raises, that wasn’t the reaction he was expecting, at all. His jaw ticks in annoyance, his hand balling into a fist on the tabletop.

“I’m not trying to shit talk him,” he says calmly, voice tinged with frustration. “I’ve just seen how things go with him. I’m looking out for you.”

Your eyes harden, disbelief mingling with irritation. “So, what? You think you know what’s best for me or something? Are you my keeper now?”

That pisses Art off, now you’re just being an asshole. His brows furrow, arms crossing in front of his chest defensively. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.” He says, tone harder than before.

You scoff, anger spilling over your face. “Well what the fuck do you mean then, Art? Because you dancing around whatever it is you obviously want to say is really starting to piss me off.”

Irritation flares in Art’s chest, piercing and sudden. He swallows it down, breathing out his nose slowly to try and calm himself. The air between the two of you is tense now.

You’re loud enough that a few people sitting at tables nearby start to quiet down, discreetly trying to listen in.

“Patrick doesn’t love you.” Art says spitefully, his fingers grip the muscle of his arms tighter. It’s childish, but he doesn't care.

Your eyes widen, clearly caught off guard. You recover quickly, letting out a disbelieving laugh as you push away from the table with a harsh scrape of your chair. "Excuse me?" Your voice cuts through the air, sharp and incredulous.  

He stays silent, letting the weight of his words hang heavy in the air. Your eyes narrow, searching his face for any sign of retreat, but Art meets your gaze head-on, jaw set stubbornly.

You stand with your arms crossed over your chest as you stare down at him. “Why are you telling me this? Why do you care if Patrick loves me or not?”

Why do you care? The question makes his heart drop down to his stomach. Dread mixes with the anger in his chest. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go, he doesn’t want to make a scene in the middle of the dining hall. You’re just being so difficult.

You’re jumping to defend Patrick, not even trying to hear him out, just like you always do. Still refusing to give Art the attention he deserves. It’s fucking infuriating.

“I’m just saying,” he says, voice distant and cold, “he hasn’t been in love with you for a while. He’s told me.” 

It’s a lie, he’s hardly spoken to Patrick recently, but he’s in this now. He may as well go for broke, he always plays to win after all. 

Your face contorts grimly, another disbelieving laugh punches it’s way out your chest. You don’t seem to notice the amount of heads turned in your direction, or maybe you just don’t care. “Oh, he’s told you that has he?” you parrot back mockingly, head cocked to the side as you stare daggers at him, “That’s fucking bullshit Art!”

Art clenches his fists, jaw flexing in anger. He’s never seen you this mad before, never expected to be the cause of it. But at the same time he’s fucking angry too. Angry at you. Angry at Patrick. Angry at himself.

His eyes narrow, holding your own heated gaze without backing down because if there's one thing he hates most, it's losing. “You don’t get it do you?” He mutters quietly, shaking his head in dismay. 

Your jaw tightens, eyes blazing as you lean forward, bracing your hands on the table to get up in his face. He can smell the familiar fruity sweetness of your perfume.

“What’s there to get? The only thing I’m getting right now, is a front row seat to you being a vindictive little prick.” You bite out, breath fanning over Art’s face. “Who even said I wanted Patrick to be in love with me? Who said I gave a fuck about any of that?” You question sternly, brows furrowed as you scowl at him.

Art scoffs loudly, his face twisting in disgust as he rolls his eyes. His blood boils at having to sit here while you bitch him out. He wants to strangle you, to take you by your shoulders and shake you so that you’ll listen.

To make you see what he sees. To make you love him. “Please,” he hisses through gritted teeth, shifting so he’s leaning across the table just as you are, his eyes dark. “Everyone wants Patrick to love them. Everyone wants his attention. You want it.”

You just blink at him, taken aback by his outburst. You stare at him, not budging as your eyes scan over his face for a second time. And there it is. There’s that glimmer of attention, that hint of acknowledgement of him.

The heavy look of rage taking over your features, the bite in your tone, it’s what Art’s wanted for months. Your undivided attention.

After a few tense seconds you just laugh, shaking your head in disbelief. “You might be the worst fucking friend in the world.” You say simply, like you're reading off this week's forecast.

Maybe he is.

Art can feel the heat rising to his cheeks in anger, in embarrassment, in hatred, in lust. The way you’re looking at him makes something stir deep in his gut. His heartbeat echoes in his ears.

You’re so mad, but in that you’re giving him a hint of your attention, giving him the time of day, and you’re still fucking defending Patrick. Rage seethes in him, hot like fire. Yet even in this moment, you’re the only person that really matters. The intensity of your gaze pulls at something raw inside him.

“He doesn’t deserve you.” His voice is lower, pinched with thinly veiled frustration threatening to boil over.

"And you think you're the expert on what I deserve, Art? Last time I checked, your own love life’s track record isn't exactly stellar."

It’s a low blow, bringing up how Tashi rejected him a while back. He hadn’t told you about that, so Tashi must have. He laughs, but his lips are pulled up in a sneer.

"Don’t start deflecting,” Your name falls from his lips sharply, stabbing through the thick tension in the air. “This isn't about me, it's about you. You're setting yourself up to get hurt, and I'm just trying to warn you–"

"Yeah, well, I didn't ask for your fucking opinion," you snap, "maybe you should focus on your own damn problems.”

Art’s jaw tightens further, his frustration finally getting the best of him. "Fine, do whatever the hell you want. But don't come crying to me when Patrick does what he always does— leaves you for someone new."

You stare at him incredulously, shock and anger warring in your expression. "I can't believe you just said that."

"Yeah, well," Art mutters bitterly, looking away. "Believe whatever you want. Just know that he’s playing with your feelings.”

You huff, throwing your arms out at your sides in frustration. “What fucking feelings Art!” you say loudly, not quite shouting but you’re getting there. “Sure, Patrick and I fuck but that doesn’t mean we’re playing husband and wife with each other!” 

You’re definitely way too loud, voice steadily rising in volume the more you talk. Seemingly not caring about who’s around to hear you yell about fucking Patrick. “In fact,” you continue, shaking an accusatory finger at Art, “you’re the one trying to get in my head and play with my feelings, you fucking hypocrite.”

His mind whites out, filled with blinding jealousy all over again. He wants you so fucking badly, he could be everything you needed. Why can’t you see that? How could you be so blind? How could you not see that Patrick was using you, just like he used everyone else?

Art leans further across the table as you speak, his hands coming up to grip the edges of it tightly. “You’re so fucking naive, you know that?” He snaps in a biting tone. It’s harsher than he’s spoken to you during this whole fight.

Your voice drips with sarcasm as you lean forward, eyes locked on his. "Oh, well forgive me for not seeing the truth according to Saint Art."

“So fucking naive.” He repeats, spitting the words across the table meanly.

“And you’re a fucking pussy.” You bite back, leaning in even closer so Art can see your lips form around the words maliciously. You sway close enough that the tip of your nose bumps against his. His breath catches, going ragged in his throat. You’re so close to him. He can smell you, can practically taste you on his tongue.

He wants to take you in his arms, to hold you and kiss the anger off your face. The only thing keeping him from lunging out is the way you look. Your whole body is rigid with anger, eyes dark and cheeks flushed. You’re so beautiful. He has to remind himself that he’s supposed to be pissed at you and fight the urge to pull you in and really taste you.

But then you're backing away completely, “I won’t waste my time on stupid shit like this,” you mutter, turning to pick your bag up off the floor. “Thanks for lunch, Art.” You say sarcastically, not even looking at him as you turn on your heel and walk towards the dining hall’s exit before he can respond.

Art’s heart lurches forward at your words, not with pain, but with want. He watches you leave, the regret quickly setting in once you’re not here to play into his resentment. It hits him like a cold shiver, he wants to feel good for speaking his mind, for telling you how it is. Maybe on some level he does, but it’s overshadowed by how awful he feels.

Art stares down at his unfinished salad, appetite gone. He sighs loudly, standing up to toss his own tray plus the one you left behind. He tries his best to ignore the stares he can feel following him as he walks out.

ᯤ

Art wallows in misery for the rest of the day, skipping the practice he had planned after lunch. He just locks himself in his dorm, laying on his mattress and staring at the ceiling as he replays the fight in his mind. Replaying every word you said to him, every word he said back to you, every angry look you gave him. 

He thinks about texting you a thousand times. Typing and deleting different messages until he eventually gave up. He knows you’re beyond pissed, that him reaching out will only piss you off more and he wants to try and salvage this before you completely shut him out. The thought of losing you is why he never wanted to bring it up in the first place, regret settles in his gut like a ball of lead.

And yet, there was a small part of him that hoped, despite the shit show in the dining hall, that you’d see the quiet care he showed, the way he was there for you, and choose him for once. But hope was a dangerous thing, and Art wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold out.

Hours go by with nothing from you, it’s the longest you’ve gone with talking since the semester started. He forced himself to study for his biology final in a lazy attempt at taking his mind off you. You’d usually be in his dorm room right now, all spread out on his bed like it’s your own as you talk his ear off about something like your asshole psychology professor. 

The longer he sits at his desk the longer the ache in his chest consumes him. Art would do anything to know what you were thinking right now. He’d grovel for your attention, he’d fall to his knees and beg and plead if that’s what it took for you to forgive him. 

He’s getting ready for bed when his Blackberry pings on his night stand, it’s almost embarrassing how fast he rushes over to it. His heart stutters in his chest when he sees it's a text from you. It’s only two words, a simple ‘come over’. 

Art’s never moved faster in his life, rushing out of his room with only his phone, wallet, and keys. 

He makes it to your dorm in record time, nearly sprinting across campus to hurry up and get there before you change your mind. All that needy rushing completely vanishes once he’s actually outside your door. 

Art hesitates, staring at the little door decals taped on with your name written on them in black sharpie. He rests his ear against the door, but he can’t hear anything. He worries his bottom lip between his teeth, brows pinched as he wrestles with himself.

“C’mon Donaldson, don’t be such a little bitch.” Patrick’s voice rings out in the back of his mind. He takes a breath and knocks on the door.

Barely a second passes before it’s swinging open and you're there, gripping the front of his shirt and dragging him inside your room. Art's back hits the closing door with a thud, his breath catching in surprise. His hands shoot out to brace on either side of the door, knocking over a racket resting on the wall. Everything he brought with him falling to clatter onto the wood floor loudly.

You look rough, eyes slightly red and puffy like you may have been crying. Your breath comes out in short, quick bursts as you stare up at him. All the anger he swore would come rushing back when he saw you drains out of him in a second.

His face softens, a tiny frown on his lips. "Hey, what’s going on?" he asks, voice a mix of confusion and worry. His hands come up to hover near your hips, hesitating at the last second, not sure if he should touch you.

Without a word, you’re flying forward while yanking him down by his shirt. Closing the distance between the two of you with your lips crashing against Art’s. It’s so sudden, so completely out of left field, that Art stumbles forward a few steps, hands gripping your hips tightly to steady himself.

It’s almost pathetic how easily he kisses back, not even hesitating. Flashes of Patrick’s face go through his mind as he eagerly reciprocates, not stopping him from pulling your hips flush against his. He definitely might be the worst friend in the world, all the loyalty he felt to Patrick tossed out of his mind the second your tongue slides past his lips.

It’s intense, there’s no romance or gentleness about it. Your lips move against his almost violently, all the aggression and anger from earlier still very much there. He’s never kissed a girl like this before, it’s not how he imagined his first kiss with you would go. He’s still getting hard in his sweats anyway.

Your tongue fucks into his mouth roughly, it reminds him of the time he and Patrick kissed when they were still at the academy for “practice”. He moans loudly into your mouth, letting you dominate the kiss and just trying his best to keep up. Your teeth clack against his roughly, biting down on his bottom lip hard enough to have him whining embarrassingly high and needy.  

“It’s over with Patrick,” you breathe hotly, slick lips brushing his with every word. “I want you to fuck me.”

Jesus fucking Christ.

Art’s dick feels hard enough to burst out of his sweats by sheer force, but he pauses, pulling away from you with a hesitant look. "I-" he tries, voice cracking slightly. He can feel his cheeks starting to burn as he clears his throat. "I don't think that's a good idea. It's so soon, and I mean you're obviously going through something and I don't want to take advantage of yo-"

An incredulous laugh bursting from your lips effectively cuts Art off, your eyes roll to the ceiling in dry amusement. “God, Art.” you scoff, both hands pushing off his chest to create space between the two of you. He keeps his hands on your hips, the thin material of your bottoms bunching in his grip. “You’re such a fucking little bitch, you can kiss me but you won’t fuck me? What is it? You scared of Patrick or something?”

The taunt hits Art like a slap across the face, he freezes for a second before disbelief gives way to white hot rage. You just stare up at him smugly, lips red and wet. Art bares his teeth, using his strong hold on your hips to force you backwards until your knees hit the edge of your bed.

“You’ve pushed me and pushed me and pushed me,” he spits, glaring down at you as he speaks. “Acting like such a fucking brat. You want me to fuck you?” He pushes you back onto the bed roughly, covering your body with his, letting his weight sink you deeper into the mattress. “Fine, I’ll fuck you.”

Art sits up, ripping his shirt over his head and tossing it somewhere behind his shoulder. Your greedy eyes rake down the toned muscle of his torso, hands coming up to lightly scratch your nails over his abs. His breath hitches, goosebumps breaking out all over his skin. He grabs your wrists, forcing them down and pinning them to the bed. “No touching.” he chastises, leaning down to bite the skin of your neck roughly. Sucking hard enough that he’ll definitely leave a mark. 

His dick twitches against the inside of his sweats at the thought of you walking around campus with his claim staked on you, at the thought of Patrick, if he was still coming down, seeing it and immediately knowing who left it there. He slides his knee between your legs, he can feel the warmth radiating from your pussy, can feel how you’re so wet it’s soaking through your bottoms and onto his thigh. 

You hiss at the sting of his teeth, trying to squeeze your wrists out of his strong grip. Your thighs tighten around his knee, hips bucking up against him. “Are you gonna fuck me anytime soon, Art? Or do I need to find someone else that’s not all talk?”

Art chuckles darkly, nipping at the sensitive skin of your collarbones. “You can bitch and moan all you want, but I haven’t even touched you yet–” he leans forward to whisper directly into your ear, “–And you’re still fucking soaked for me anyway.” He drags his tongue along the shell of your ear in a dirty stripe. 

You let out a keen, pretty and high, grinding your hungry pussy against his knee faster. He lets go of your hands, grabbing your hips and flipping you onto your stomach. Tossing you around like it’s nothing, just manhandling you.

“God,” he groans, big hands coming up to knead the meat of your ass, spreading it lewdly making you moan softly. “You’re so fucking hot.” He whispers, words falling from his lips like he couldn’t hold them in any longer.

Art keeps one hand tight on your hip, the other fumbling with the drawstring of his sweats so he can push them down to finally free his aching dick. Letting it spring out to slap up onto his bare stomach, trailing a thin line of pre-come across his abs. 

You squirm under him, feet kicking out as you struggle in his hold. Your head craning over your shoulder and zeroing in on his dick, hard and red and leaking. “You came over here with no panties on, Donaldson?” you taunt, pushing your ass back onto the sensitive length of his erection. “How slutty–” 

“Shut up,” he snaps harshly, but his dick twitches where it’s dragging over the seam of your ass. He’s leaking like a faucet, leaking like a girl, all over your light green plaid bottoms. It strikes him suddenly, how familiar they look. He stares at the worn down fabric covering your ass, at the way his pre-come stains the material darker, at the way they hang too low on your hips, too big for you. 

“Are these…are these Patrick's,” he asks slowly, voice low as his fingers skim over the soft material. You chuckle wickedly, wiggling your hips back teasingly. 

“Yeah, they are,” you say, sliding your ass back and forth over Art’s dick. “You’re leaking jizz all over your best friend's pants, Art.”

Art groans loudly, chin dropping to his chest as hips jerk against your ass involuntarily. A full body shiver wracks through him like lightning, eyes screwing shut as he tries not to come all over your ass. “Shit–” he bites out sharply, voice rough and scratchy. He can distantly hear you laughing at him through all the white noise buzzing in his ears.

He breathes out through his nose, willing himself to calm down. He needs to be in control for once, needs to teach you a lesson for ignoring him for so long.

Art’s hands come up to the waistband of your– Patrick's– pants, fingers digging underneath the loose material and forcefully yanking it down along with your panties, only pulling them down to your mid-thigh. You yelp in surprise, hands gripping the sheets of your bed tightly. 

“I need to get inside you, right fucking now.” he rumbles thickly, flipping you onto your back again. He needs to see your face when he fucks you for the first time, needs to burn it into his mind forever.

“Fuck yes,” you reply eagerly, arms coming up to circle around his shoulders. “Finally.”

Art doesn't reply, eyes fixed on your bare pussy, so fucking wet and shining underneath the shitty ceiling light of your dorm. His mouth waters, he wants to drop to his stomach and eat you out until you're shaking and squirting all over his face. His dick drools at the thought, but he’ll have to wait. He needs to fuck you.

He takes his dick in his hand, dragging it through the silky skin of your soaked folds. He spreads your wetness around your clit, rubbing the leaking tip over you back and forth teasingly. You whine, thighs starting to shake on either side of him. He drags his dick back down to your clenching hole, lining up and slowly sinking inside the tight, wet heat.

Art doesn’t give you any time to adjust to the thick head of his dick breaching your tight hole, burying himself to the hilt inside of you with a sharp thrust. 

“Fuck!” you cry out, legs coming up to wrap tightly around his hips, digging your heels into his lower back. “Shit, fuck you’re– God, you're so fucking deep.”

“I’m going to use your fucking pussy however I want,” Your name falls from his lips, dirty and blistering. “because it’s the least I deserve for putting up with your bullshit for so fucking long, and you’re going to be good and lay there and take it.” He drives his point home with a mean thrust of his hips.

“Fuck you, Art.” you mutter back, trying to keep up the bratty act even though your voice is going breathless and needy.

Art doesn’t ease into it, pulling back only to start pounding into your pussy ruthlessly. Sharp slaps of his hips stinging your ass each time he drives back in, your eyes roll back in your head, slack lips parted in pleasure as he fucks you. 

Art can’t help but lean down to claim your mouth, kissing you a little too sweetly for the moment. He can’t help it, not when you’re under him making the sweetest noises, letting him fuck your perfect fucking pussy like he owns it. God.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Art growls, breaking the kiss to rest his sweaty forehead against yours. “You’re so fucking, tight. Feels so fucking– shit, so fucking good.” His hips speed up, desperately rutting into you.

“Art,” you whine, nails scratching down his back hard. “I’m so close, fuck I’m so close– keep going, don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop–”

He cuts off your rambling with a kiss, groaning at the way his name sounds getting fucked out of your mouth. The loud squelch your pussy makes each time he buries himself back inside has his ears burning, he can feel you soaking the skin of his thighs with every thrust.

“Wanna feel your tight pussy milk me dry,” he grinds out through gritted teeth, picking up his pace. “Fuck, I‘m gonna come, I’m gonna fucking come.” He ruts into you harder, splitting you open with every thrust. The skin of your ass turning red and raw from how hard he’s giving it to you. 

Your hands come up to bury themselves in his hair, tugging sharply to make him look at you. “Inside,” you pant, eyes glazed over and wild, “come inside me Art, please. I’m on the pill you can, you can come inside me.” Your legs tighten their hold on his hips, ankles locking snugly over his lower back so he couldn’t even pull out if he wanted.

“Fuck!” Art shouts your name hoarsely, hips stuttering as he unloads in you. Hot come spraying the walls of your pussy. You let out a broken moan, your whole body shaking as you come with him. Your pussy chokes his dick so tightly, gripping him like a vice, milking him.

Art tilts his head up, catching your lips with his to greedily swallow down all your moans. He keeps going, shallow thrusts of his hips working you through the aftershocks of your orgasm until you’re kicking at his back, whining at him to stop. He collapses on top of you, his sweaty skin sticking to the fabric of your shirt. 

It’s quiet for a while, the two of you silently trying to catch your breath. Your hands come up to his head, sliding into the messy strands of his hair. “It’s pretty late now,” you say slowly, nails scratching against his scalp softly. “You could…you could stay here if you want.”

Art hides the wide grin breaking out on his face in your chest, arms coming up to circle around your waist. “Yeah, that sounds good.” He whispers back, squeezing the soft skin of your hips once.

It’s only later, when you’ve fallen asleep on his chest, that he stares up at the ceiling lost in thought. He’s too worked up to sleep, so fucking thrilled that it worked. His plan actually worked. You’re his now. He looks down at you, glowing softly in the moonlight filtering through your window, deep hickeys scattered across your neck. He drags his fingers along your cheekbone, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear.

This is what he’s wanted for so long, you.

You asleep in bed with him, you curled up in his arms, you with his come steadily dripping out of your swollen pussy.

Art can hear his Blackberry start buzzing on your nightstand, lighting up with an incoming call. Even from far away he can read the name displayed on the screen. Patrick. He lets it ring.

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[doomedmoth]

Better kind of best friend (part 2)

Pairing : Reader x Alexandra Saint Mleux x Charles Leclerc | Poly & bisexual fem!reader

Warnings : slight emotional cheating, obsessive/possessive/manipulative behavior, suggestive content/smut, fluff then angst then dark fluff, inaccurate racing calendar and school programs, polyamory, use of y/n, slight dacryphilia

Synopsis : When you left the UK for a year long art restoration program in Monaco, you mainly wanted to make some friends. What you didn't expect was to find your best friend on the first day. And then fall in love with her. And then get tangled in the web of Monaco high society as her boyfriend came back to town, unaware of your little affairs. What the fuck happened to you, you just wanted to make some friends...

Moth's prophecy💡 : Hi cryptids ! Thank you for being so supportive, here is the awaited part two with the arrival of Charles ! You can find part one here if you haven’t read it yet. For the sake of it being easier to read for everyone, the dialogues between Alex and Charles are written in English, even though they would speak French between them. We got some angst, we got some very light suggestive content, we got some manic episodes, and that should leave us with the tasty fucked up shit for the last (two lasts ?) chapters. Enjoy !

“Y/N… I’m sorry I…. I have a boyfriend…”

In a fraction of second, the room felt very cold. You suddenly took into account the breeze from the open window, and the uncomfortable scratch of the hair curlers against your scalp, itching to get off. The taste of red wine on your tongue started to feel like a thick paste, making it hard to breathe, and as you got up and away from Alexandra, your head spun, as if you had been hit by a ton of bricks. You needed some air.

“Wait !” Alexandra tried to hold your hand, bring you back down to the ground, but her fingers felt like fire against your skin, and not the enjoyable type. You tried to get away, so she rose up, closing the gap to you. “Please, listen to me… I’m sorry, I know I should have told you earlier…”

You could barely make out her voice with the sounds of the street below her apartment. And why was she looking at you like that, like a deer caught in headlights, like… Like she pitied you ? You felt sick.

“Yeah… Yeah, you should have.” You probably should have felt embarrassed yourself. Shameful you even tried something. But you quickly realized the sickness you felt was not due to shame or sadness, but anger. Two full months had passed, and not more than a day or two had gone by where you hadn’t been together. “Not once, in two months, did you think of mentioning it ?”

You heard yourself as if someone else was speaking. Thoughts swirling in your mind, replaying each of her words and action. Had you missed a hint somewhere ? Were you in the wrong here ? You could replay the movie a hundred times and still, you were sure you would find no flaw. All the nights she had fell asleep in your arms, all the kisses she had peppered your skin with, all the touches and the petnames, now you could see clearly how inappropriate they would have been for anyone with a boyfriend.

“I know, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Her breathing got heavier and tears started coming to her eyes, yet you had never felt so little pity towards someone. “I didn’t want it to change what we have, and it all got so confusing so quickly for me, I…”

“Because it wasn’t confusing for me ?” You raised your voice at her. You probably should not have, but she had just half-admitted to knowing her behavior had crossed some boundaries. “Please tell me you are in an open relationship. Please Alex… tell me you haven’t just lied to me.” You were pleading, begging. Don’t they say bargaining is one of the five stages of grief ? But her silence and shameful eyes gave you every answer you needed.

“I didn’t lie I… I just didn’t talk about it…”

“It’s the same fucking thing !” Definitely pushing her arms away from you, you started to gather your things from the floor of her living room. Thankfully, you hadn’t changed into your pajamas yet, you thought, or the scene would have been even more embarrassing.

“I didn’t know what to do !” Tears now rolling down her pink cheeks, she was following you around, words tumbling down in a rush to get her point across. “It all happened so quickly and he’s not home and you… You’ve been everything to me, please trust me ! Y/N, please stop !” She tugged at your arm once more, and cupped your face between her hands. Still crying, she planted a soft kiss on your lips, trembling, but this time, you were the one who pulled away. “I’ve never felt this way for a girl before… I’ve never had feeling like this for another woman, or anyone truly and-“

“Oh no.” You immediately cut her off and took two steps back. “No, this is not happening.” Throwing your things in your bag in a hurry, you couldn’t even look at her anymore or else you were sure you would end up either giving in or spitting to her face. “I am not about to be your little uni experiment, your fucking distraction before you go back to the safety of a man’s arms.”

Putting your bag on your shoulder and throwing her curlers to the floor, you gave her one last look, filled with all the anger and disappointment you could muster. So that was it, then ? Fuck it, even crying she was pretty. She had fallen back down to her knees and for a second, you saw yourself laying above her, kissing her wet cheeks, brushing her hair. Maybe you could have her for a night, a few days, a parenthesis of happiness until the man returned. It could not last, but it could exist. Scraping the last bits of this relationship like the bottom of a candle, and you would keep the remnants of it in a secret part of your brain until the year ended. But you knew the pain would be too much. And it wasn’t why you came here in the first place.

“I know what I’m worth, Alex. And I’m worth more than that.”

“Ah cazzo per l��amor del cielo Y/N !” You hid yourself deeper under the cover of your bed as Chiara barged in your room. “Get out !” She pulled on the blanket, as you sighed and whined, too tired to fight. The ginger girl crouched next to you, eyes pleading. “Please make her leave, she’s been knocking on the door since we kicked her out and we can’t close, Marco forgot his keys.” She took one of your hand in hers to help you sit on the edge. “If you don’t, I honestly can’t promise she won’t come in during the night and I actually want to sleep for once. So please. Go.”

You nodded bashfully as she left the room, visibly annoyed. For two weeks now, all eight other students had had to deal with the awkward mood your friendship breakup had installed in the workshop. And that implied, unfortunately for your roommates, Alex coming in at unholy hours, begging to be heard. It was honestly a miracle no one had told you two to fuck off until now.

You pushed the curtains back as quietly as possible, peeking through the window at the entrance of the house. And indeed, there she was, banging on the door. You rolled your eyes and got up to put a coat over your pajamas. In your closet, not-so-well hidden, the scarf she had left you not long before it all went to shit… Your fingers brushed slightly over it, but you left it in place, and headed down the stairs. In the smallest living room, sipping tea and glancing at you, were your two German roommates. You mouthed a “sorry” at them, and opened the door, immediately pushing Alex away from it.

“Stop it before they call the cops on you.” You crossed your arms and took a good look at her. Fiddling with the worn-out sleeves of a sweater your recognized as yours, she looked exhausted. Dark circles under her eyes, hair a mess, she was far from the walking ray of sunshine you had known. You sighed, and started walking towards the parking lot a bit further down the main path, where you knew she had probably parked. “Come. We’ve bothered them enough.”

She followed without making a sound, her head down. You recognized her car, and sat on the small low wall facing it. She tried to sit next to you, but when she felt you move away, decided to stay up. You looked at each other for a while, your silence only interrupted by a few night birds’ chirps and the waves down in the bay.

Two weeks had passed since what you called in your head “the accident”. And if you had trouble living with the aftermath, Alexandra was taking it even worse than you. In order to protect yourself and allow to maybe, one day, recover something good from it, you decided to keep your interactions strictly confined to the subject of the workshop. Considering your two roles had very little to share at this point of the project, it meant that you were pretty much free to ignore her without being too much of a bitch. And lord knew it would have been too hard to stay mad at her with extended contact. Even right now, as she raised her doe eyes at you, you could feel your confidence faltering.

When you were alone in your bed at night, cuddling the plushie she had won you at the funfair, that was when you questioned if you were doing the right thing. After all, she had not promised you anything. You had lived in fantasies, daydreams of a romance carefully crafted by your need for love. Maybe she was like that with all of her friends. Maybe you could go back to being friends.

But no. She had confessed to knowing. To lying. To having feelings too. There was no coming back from this. Only growth and lessons. And right now, this meant for you some space.

“Well, are you going to talk ?” She opened her mouth, then seemed to reconsider, and you groaned. “It’s already 10 and I’m freezing cold, if you got nothing to say I’m leaving.” You started to get up but she put her hands up.

“Wait ! Okay wait sorry, please stay…” You sat back down, closing your coat tighter. “Thank you. I… Okay hm. Putain. Bon.” She took an inspiration, and you knew this meant she was going to talk non stop until her mouth ran dry. “I’m sorry about everything that happened, from our meeting to tonight. I fucked up. I omitted things and I lied and I did everything I could to stay in your good graces because I grew so fond of you so quickly I didn’t know how to deal with it. I really thought we could be best friends and you know I’ve never been really good with girl friendships I told you about it and I admit I may have crossed the line a bit, once or twice but-“ You could not help but scoff. “What ?”

“Sorry, please do go on”

“No, what, tell me ?” She raised her hand to you, and you did not take it.

“Once or twice ? A bit ?” Her lips started trembling and you stopped her before she could start talking again. “Alex. Friends don’t do any of the shit we did. Friends probably don’t sleep almost naked together and cuddling ! God damn it, you hand-fed me pastries in my bed, and you think that’s a little over the line ?” You heard yourself screaming and tried to take a deep breath, but the freezing air only made your lungs hurt even more.

“I’m sorry ! I wish I could tell you I didn’t know but…” She was shaking, from stress or the cold, you did not know. Finally she raised her eyes, and you felt like she was going to be honest, with herself and you, for the first time in weeks. “But the truth is I knew. I knew there could be something more and I wanted it too. I… I think I still want it. But there’s-“

“There’s your boyfriend. Honestly Alex, with all due respect, fuck off. How can you tell me that straight in the eye ? I’m not some homewrecker, and to be completely honest with you” You got up and took a step forward, pushing your index finger against her shoulder. “Even if you guys broke up I wouldn’t want anything with you.” Wow. Nice lie. But at least it seemed to hurt her in all the right places. “You should have experimented back when you were single like everyone else. You played with my feelings, knowing them and knowing we had no chance at anything serious. I did not have a say in this !” At this point you were very thankful you were the only house around, because you were fully screaming. “All I wanted was to make some fucking friends Alex ! And no friend in their right mind would have done what you did to me. So please, if you have nothing more than empty apologies and more pain to offer… please leave.”

“I really like you.” She breathed out the words in a whisper, and it broke the last loose screw of your sanity.

“And I love you !” There. Out it was, your great love confession, blown away by the wind of the sea, destined to forever belong only to the cries of the seagulls. In the end, it wasn’t so hard to say. “But sometimes it’s not enough. Love isn’t enough.” Turning your back to her, you thought this was truly the end. Nothing was salvageable from that night. “Goodnight Alexandra.”

You almost ran back up the parking lot to the gate of the house, through the living room now empty, and up the stairs. You were about to enter your room, but went to the one to your left, Chiara’s. Her window was opened and she was sitting on the edge of it, smoking a joint. Of course, she had heard everything.

“Trouble in paradise ?”

“Fuck off.” You went next to her, taking the joint from her hands. From her seat, she had had a direct view of the whole scene, sound and light.

You took a drag, almost immediately coughing. The weed was disgusting, not half as good as the one you were used to, and Chiara gave you a look of approval, a kind of “it’s the only thing I could find”. Without knowing how or why, you broke down in tears.

When Charles finally hung up from his phone call with his manager, he raised his eyes to see that the taxi had already entered Monaco. The morning light was piercing through the clouds, shining on the wet pavement as to signal the end of the week-long downpour.

Finally home, he thought. He could not wait to be back at his apartment, and enjoy the rare two and a half weeks break before the last races of the year. The flight had been so long, his whole body was still sore from yesterday’s race, and still he was excited for the day to come. He would come home, and have Alexandra greeting him as usual, full of anecdotes and gossips to share. He would give her the gifts he had prepared, and then they would order from the Chinese restaurant they loved. Eat together, chill a bit, probably have sex. Then tomorrow they would go to his mom’s, take the opportunity to get a haircut, and maybe see some friends. He grinned at the perspective of a few days unplanned, going with the flow. Those were so rare nowadays.

The excitement made him tip the driver even more than usual, and he went up the stairs running, his bags almost scattering on the floor multiple times. But as he opened the door, still smiling, his excitement quickly faded. The apartment was completely empty, as if no one had been in it in weeks. He entered carefully, calling for Alexandra, but no answer. Every room still smelled of cleaning products, proof that except for the cleaning lady last Wednesday, it had been desert of any life.

Charles, starting to worry, tried calling his girlfriend multiple times, to no avail. So he threw all of his bags in the bedroom, changed his sweater, took his car keys and double of hers and decided to go check her own apartment. She was never in it, but maybe something had happened ? Thankfully, word hadn’t yet gone out that he was back, which means he was able to get his car out and through Monaco’s streets without any trouble.

The sight when he opened her door was even worse than at his own place. The usually immaculate apartment was in a mess, clothes everywhere on the floor, dishes piling up in the sink, and a good amount of paper bags from food orders scattered across the kitchen. In all of this, a few sobs could be heard.

“Alex ? Mon amour, where are you ?” Charles called out, voice cracking with concern as he navigated the mess in the apartment, searching for any sign of his girlfriend.

Finally, he found her curled up on the couch, hidden under a blanket, desperately sobbing and shaking as she held close a huge plushie he did not recognize. Charles rushed to her side, dropping to his knees next to the couch and wrapping his arms around her. She immediately pulled him in closer, drenching his sweater in tears.

“Hey, hey breathe love… what’s wrong, tell me what’s going on ?” He murmured and tried to hold her face to his, but she would always push back against his neck.

He finally managed to cup her cheeks and started to kiss her face, repeating again and again that she had to breathe. He honestly did not know what to do, he had never seen her so vulnerable, so… broken ? His heart shattered at the mere thought of what could have brought her to this point.

“I- I fucked up Charles…” Alexandra chocked out, her voice breaking in uncontrollable sobs. If she had managed to talk, she would now not let go of his arms, and Charles winced as she buried her nails in them.

“Baby tell me what happened, it can’t be that bad, it’s okay we’ll manage…”

Suddenly Alex’s eyes stayed fixated on Charles’, and her tears calmed down, along with her erratic breathing. She seemed to realize something, and started apologizing profusely. When she managed to talk again, Charles was completely lost as to what had happened.

“I’m sorry… it’s nothing, it’s just… It’s Y/N” Charles nodded. He was actually pretty excited to come back also for you, the mysterious new friend of Alex which she wouldn’t stop teasing him about. She supposedly wanted him to meet you, and Charles had been witness to so many attempts from Alex at making girl friends, he was glad she had finally managed. You seemed like a good person, from what he heard. “We… we got into an argument. We’re not friends anymore. It was my fault and it’s over.”

Charles’ brows furrowed as he helped Alex get out of the blanket. That was it ? Sure, you had seemed like an good friend to Alex, but she had lost a few friends along the way growing up, and none had ever provoked such an extreme reaction. He glanced around the room again, at the state of the whole apartment. But when his eyes landed back on Alexandra, he could feel the plea on her face to not dig much more.

Of course there was more to it. But what kind of friend’s argument would lead to someone completely breaking down like that ?

As Charles held his girlfriend to his chest, rubbing her back and slowly calming her down, he glanced at her phone, and decided he would probably get more directly from you.

Well shit, it was fancy. As you entered the restaurant in the most luxurious part of Monaco, you started to really regret your choice of clothing. Even the lady in charge of welcoming clients eyed you up and down before raising a brow, clearly not impressed.

“I have a reservation ? Well someone invited me, his name’s Charles ?” You could feel yourself blushing as she gauged you.

She then gestured for you to wait to the side as she left towards the back of the restaurant. When she came back, it was to tell you to follow her.

Hidden behind the bar, far from any windows, were a few booths, carefully covered with flower arrangements and ivy leaves curtains. In the one you followed the lady to, a man was sitting, probably around your age, with light brown hair and piercing green eyes. Some curls were falling down on his forehead, and when he raised his head and smiled at you, dimples immediately appeared. Of course he was cute. Of course she had to have a gorgeous boyfriend too.

“Y/N ! Am I pronouncing it right ?” He stood up and thanked the lady, then gestured you to sit in front of him. You nodded and sat back down with him. “So nice to finally meet you ! I’ve heard so much.”

You couldn’t say the same, unfortunately, and the chuckle that left your mouth couldn’t have been repressed even if you tried.

You thanked him, and as he gave you time to scan the menu, you could not prevent yourself from stealing glances. He was dressed pretty casually too, which made you feel better about your own outfit, but you got the same feeling from him as you did from Alexandra when you first met her. There was something rich about the man, luxurious, in the way he presented himself, smiled and talked. And god, the more you looked at him, the more you could tell why she had fallen in love with him. This was the kind of guy you only ever saw in magazines, too pretty to be true. You felt yourself getting dizzy, and put your attention back on the menu. You were probably tired and in need of caffeine, why else would you feel so weak ?

Yet you had no idea he was doing the exact same thing, going over every little detail of your face and posture in his head. He had heard from you, sure, but not as much as he told, and most importantly, he had never seen you, even in pictures. Nothing could have prepared him, honestly. There was something about you, he wasn’t sure if it was physically or in the way you held yourself, that made his heart flutter. Suddenly he felt a bit shy, and completely unable to stop peeking at you. But he quickly reminded himself of why he was here, and chased his thoughts as far away as possible.

“Thank you for coming, first of all.” You gave him a polite smile and thanked the waiter for your coffee. “I’ll be honest with you, especially on the matter of why Alex isn’t here.” There it was. You shifted in your seat, a bit uncomfortable. The closest exit was in sight, thankfully, in case he made a scene or started to threaten you. You had no idea what he knew, and it scared you a bit. “I… I came home two days ago. And Alex was…” He sour laughed, and started playing with his spoon. “A mess. I think it’s the best way to say it. I tried to make her talk but… only thing she gave away is that you two had an argument ? And that it was her fault. But I’ve never seen her like that before. I… I would like, if you don’t mind, I’d like to know what happened.”

Oh shit. So she hadn’t told him anything. Well of course, lie by omission seemed to be her thing. Were you really about to be the one to break the news to her boyfriend, who by the way seemed like a sweetheart, that her girlfriend had almost cheated ?

He gave you an encouraging smile, and you gripped your cup tighter. Why did they have to look so much alike. Everything about him was warm, kind, you could not hurt him even if you tried. What would it bring you, to do that ? Break them up ? And then what ? She was too out of it to do anything good with herself on her own. He seemed like a good person. And you were not a home wrecker. Sure, you didn’t work out. But maybe they could. You were the problem, she hadn’t fully cheated, she still had a chance at fixing up her couple. Who would you be to deny her.

“I don’t have much more to say honestly. We had a disagreement, one of which you can’t work through sometimes. It’s okay.” You gave a forced smile, and Charles was confident in that instant that there was more to it. This kind of painful conclusion, he knew them too well.

“Are you sure ? You seem upset.” You crossed your arms and he felt like he had maybe pushed too far.

“Yes. It’s been tough but I’ll get through it, and Alex will too. Maybe we’ll work it out, maybe we won’t, that’s our problem I’m afraid. Sorry you had to deal with the aftermath.”

You saw in his pinched lips, in the way his eyes scanned you, that he wanted to press further. But you wouldn’t be the truth bearer. You had done enough. Alex’s commitment to honesty would be his only way of finding out. And it seemed he realized it, because he nodded, and thanked you.

You thought you were done, but he shifted the conversation to lighter topics, your life in Monaco, how the workshop was going. He seemed really interested, and you realized you hadn’t made as much friends as you wished because of your closeness with Alex. So you gave in to the attention. And you realized you craved it, especially when it came from people who seemed a life away from you.

“What about you ? Out of state often, I understood ?”

“Why don’t you take a guess ?” He rested his face on his closed knuckles, and you closed the gap to him, faking analyzing his face. This made him chuckle, and his laugh tugged at your heart in ways you weren’t sure you liked.

“You don’t look like a business man.” He faked an offended face, then winked. Were all monegasques raised to be teases ? “Out often and comfortable with money ? We’re in a private booth where the staff seems to know you… I’d say an athlete maybe ?”

“Bingo !” He made his spoon ring on the rim of your cup, and sat back against his chair. There was a coolness in the way he moved and talked, something mesmerizing.

You thought he was collected. Truth is, thoughts raced through his brain at light speed and the more you talked, the less he listened. If there was something they had always agreed on was with Alexandra, it was that being in a relationship did not mean you found everyone but your partner disgusting suddenly. They were honest about their admiration for other’s looks and personalities, both convinced it was part of the human experience. And so he tried to persuade himself that this meeting was just that, another girl he just found pretty. And interesting. With a smooth voice. And nice fingers. Whose hair would probably look gorgeous laid out on his pillows. And fuck, he thought. That was not good. Not good at all.

Before he would start blushing again, mind filled with unholy pictures, he decided it was time to leave. You were a bit surprised at the abruptness of it, but agreed, you had things to do too. As you stood up, he looked a bit embarrassed.

“I know it might sound weird but… would you mind waiting a minute before leaving ? Giving me a head start.” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and laughed. “Everything’s already paid for I’m not trying to scam you ! Just… I think it’s better for you if we don’t leave together.”

You furrowed your brows, not really understanding the request, but sat back down. You were too tired to fight about that.

“Thanks, you’re a dear. You have my number, let’s stay in touch !” And just like that, he was gone.

When you left the booth two minutes later, as requested, you heard a commotion right outside the restaurant. You quickly walked through the crowd gathering on the side of the terrace and started leaving when something caught your attention. A kid, screaming a name you had heard not so long ago.

You walked a bit further down the square and looked back to see Charles in the middle of the crowd, being photographed by paparazzis and families, signing autographs and struggling to get out. When he finally did manage, he entered a slick black car which looked like a million pounds, and left without even glancing back at the crowd.

“Charles… Monaco… Athlete…”You entered the words in Google, and found him immediately. A Formula 1 Driver. A fan favorite, it seemed. “Alex you bitch you could have warned me that he’s famous…”

Still, his request had got you out of a very sticky situation, and you were grateful you would not find yourself in newspapers tomorrow. So you switched to your text messages, and sent to Charles a thanks for the heads up.

Unknowingly to you, he sat in his parking lot for ten minutes before going back to his apartment, staring at his screen and blushing like a teenager.

Charles was tired. It had been more a week since his return, and Alexandra gave no signs of improvement, despite his tries. She would keep up the appearances in public, but made no effort at home, and avoided all friends or family gatherings he attended. And still, she would refuse to talk.

After he came back from having a drink with you, another one he did not tell Alexandra about, another one he had to sit out the excitement of in his car, another one that convinced him that you could be essential to making her feel better, because you made him feel good, he decided it was enough.

Alex was sitting on the couch, her plushie always glued to her, watching the cars go by. At least she had accepted to come back to his apartment. He brought her tea and took the plushie away from her, not without getting a whine in return.

“Alex, we need to talk.” She gave him her usual sad puppy eyes, but this time, Charles was decided to not let her manipulate him. “It’s gonna be okay, I’ll be here no matter what. But you have to tell me what happened. It can’t go on like that.” Finally she sighed and sat straighter on the couch, trading her sad eyes for the stone cold face she wore when he wasn’t around.

“Yeah you’re right.” She let out a shaky breath, betraying her anxiousness, then took Charles’ hands in hers. Finally, they would maybe be able to move on. Finally he might get back his lover. “I… I lied to you. About Y/N.” Obviously, thought Charles, and though he did not want to admit it, he had a small idea of why. She planted her eyes in his, and holding his hand tighter, finally said the truth out loud. “I never told Y/N about you. I never even told her I had a boyfriend. I should have been honest from the beginning, but it got confusing very quickly, and I didn’t want to ruin… I’d say our friendship but I know it was more than that.”

He knew it. It pained him to admit it, but he had had a feeling, and his instinct rarely lied. Now the only thing left was to find out how much had happened. Unable to speak up, he nodded to encourage her to keep going.

“I was scared of losing her and losing you. I told you about her because I thought if you two met, it would just be me and my two favorites people and everything would be great. I didn’t think further than that. But… but I knew she had feelings and I liked it, I liked having someone so… devoted to me.” That didn’t surprise him. Alex had always had a praise kink, worshipping her might be the fastest way to her heart. “And I guess I ended up falling for her too.”

As Alexandra’s voice became shakier, he knew he was touching the main subject. It was already a lot, he needed to process, but he needed the full picture for it.

“Mon coeur, I need you to be completely honest. Did something happen between you two ?” He saw her hesitating for a moment, before nodding, her gaze fixed on their hands still holding.

“Yes.” She admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “We kissed… I pulled away but I didn’t want to.”

Charles finally pulled his hands away from hers and got up. He felt hurt. Betrayed. Used. He had been kept in the dark both by his own girlfriend and you, truly the butt of the joke. Yet he felt empty of any anger. He looked at the little decorations in the living room. They would be so easy to smash. Probably satisfying. Yet when he brushed his fingers against it, he only managed to push them back in their exact place, all perfectly symmetrical. Strangely, it brought him more comfort than punching something.

“Are you not going to say anything ?” Her voice was still shaky, he could feel she tried very hard not to cry. And the only thing he wanted was for her to break down so he could hold her as close as possible and kiss her tears.

“What does this mean for us ?” He turned back to her, and she tried to hold his gaze.

“I don’t know… I’m in love with you. I know you probably want to tell me to fuck off but I need to say the truth. This has taken nothing from us, from what I feel for you. If anything, I’m finally feeling better now that you’re back. But I can’t deny that I had never thought about… about me, and another girl, like I did with her. I’ve never felt this way, it was like my heart was so full it could explode. I don’t know what I wanted from it Charlie, I… Nothing good could have happened, I fucked up, and I’ll do my best to make it up to you.” Finally, she lost it. Tears streaming down her face, she looked exhausted. “I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to hurt anyone. I can’t loose you I’ll do anything but I can’t live without you Charlie…”

Charles sat next to her and she threw herself in his arms, sobbing. He could not tell her. What would he even say ? “No worries baby, I can’t even manage to get angry at you for almost cheating because I think daily of fucking the friend you had a homoerotic codependent friendship with ?”. Or maybe “I wish I could focus on reassuring you that I’m still in love with you but telling you you’re pretty when you cry is not a compliment my mom taught me ?”. In the end, he opted for kissing the top of her head and softly stroking her back.

“Okay Alex okay… calm down… We’re gonna manage…” He gave her hand a squeeze, and drying some tears with a finger, kissed her cheek. “We’ll get through this together.”

Unfortunately for Charles, Alexandra’s moods swings came back full force, and soon enough she was back to shaking in his arms, this time from despair, hands clenched into fists on her knees.

“Why… why are you so calm about this ?” She demanded, voice trembling and brows furrowed. “I’ve just confessed to kissing someone and you act like it’s no big deal !”

Charles knew all of this, knew he should be angry, and he barely stopped himself from chuckling when he looked at the little statues he wanted to smash against the floor earlier. But he felt a strange sense of understanding and compassion which only made him calmer the more he let in his own fucked up thoughts.

“It’s not that I’m not upset, mon coeur.” Charles said softly, choosing his words carefully. “I just think maybe now’s not the right time to talk about this. You’re clearly exhausted and you’ve already been very honest with me. You need to rest. And I need to process some things.”

She agreed, her shaking slowing down once more, and he finally convinced her to have a shower and get to bed. She did so without arguing more, and Charles went on his balcony, completely worn out. When he opened his phone, he was greeted with a message that made his heart jump once more.

“Thx again for the evening, it was so fun ! Hope you got home safely, xoxo”

Looking at the light of his bedroom that just turned on, he chose not to answer. The rollercoaster had been enough for today, he needed a rest too.

Though he had struggled, Charles had managed to convince Alexandra he had no intent of breaking up with her, and even that going with him to the second to last race would do her good. The weather was still good in Qatar, she could see the girls, get spoiled and pampered. He knew it would take time to get her back, and maybe she would never be exactly the same. But he wouldn’t stop trying.

On your side, you had been forced to retreat to your bedroom with your computer as none of your roommates seemed to enjoy having the race on the living room main screen at 6 in the morning. You did not care much yourself, Charles had tried to explain some basic things to you before he left but none of it was familiar for someone like you who didn’t even have her driving licence. Still, supporting friends, right ? It felt weird to call him a friend. Just as it had felt weird for Alex. You groaned, thinking that each time, you had been the problem. Why couldn’t you be attracted to anyone else in the whole country ?

When your eyes laid back on the screen, you got reminded why. Because in his fireproof suit, sweating and winking at the camera, you had to scratch your brain with a knife to even think back of any men with as much charisma. Because his skin was soft and his hair smelt good, you knew it and you wouldn’t dare to say how. Because seeing behind him in the interview the girl you still were in love with did not diminish your attraction in the slightest. If anything, you almost threw your computer to the ground when the thought of what they looked like together kissing came to your mind.

When you came out of the bathroom, a few hours later, your phone was ringing. You answered with a smile to the man whose voice was filled with both exhaustion and excitement.

“Hey Charles ! Nice race out there !”

“Did you manage to follow everything ?”

“I did not remember shit of what you told me !” You laughed, and heard him do the same. “But you finished third ! That’s good in any sport, right ?”

“Yeah, good enough we’ll say, could have done better though.” You pictured him as he spoke, hands scratching the nape of his neck, a little smirk making his dimples appear. “Thank you for watching. I appreciate it.”

He sat on the side of his hotel bed, smiling like a child. He didn’t even know why he called you. He had plenty of people around to congratulate him. Yet it was always nice to know someone far thought of him.

“Charles…” Your voice was suddenly tinged with concern. You had seen the polite smiles and waves to the press. But you knew her, and you knew it had not gotten better. And you were done being the big girl, you needed to know. “Is Alex ok ? I’ve seen her on TV and she looks… well you know. Still not herself.”

He got back up and walked to the window, thinking of what to say. Though you had kept in touch since your first meeting, he hadn’t told you of Alex’s confession. Maybe it was time.

“Yeah… It’s been rough for her, hm… Y/N I’ve been made aware of some things and… now’s not the right time, but when we’re back in Monaco, with Alex, I think… I think we should have a talk, the three of us.”

Your heart jumped at the suggestion, guilt eating you out. So he knew. You looked at the stairs, echoes of your roommates’ laughter coming from downstairs. Yeah, you really needed some new friends, before you were about to loose another one.

“I- I’ll be there.” Charles thanked you and ended the call, promising to keep you updated. As he turned around, his own guilt trip was waiting for him in the form of Alexandra, who had just entered the room.

He braced himself for an argument. The new information of him talking to her… whatever you were for her, would surely trigger confusion, and anger. She would tell him that he was not better than her. She would probably put the blame on you. Would she try to hit him ? Mind drifting completely elsewhere, he thought it would be fun to see her try, before punching himself mentally to focus. But when she finally spoke, nothing could have prepared him.

“It’s not fair.” Her voice was breaking but she wasn’t crying, fists clenched. “It’s not fair that she’s not talking to me ! Why won’t she talk to me anymore !” She wasn’t upset because he had been talking to you. She was jealous your attention had been shifted to someone else. And as she paced around the room, Charles sat on the bed, thinking that the manic episode was about to start. “I miss her. I need her.” She came close to him and the way she held his shoulders and forced him to look her in the eye both scared and excited him. “And if my only way of getting her back is you, you best believe I’m taking my chances.”

As the day went on and Charles witnessed the evolution of his girlfriend’s almost-psychotic episode, he thought that maybe some of her ideas weren’t so bad. In the end, he wasn’t the only one who had been a little too obsessed with you recently. What if the way out of this for them, as a couple, was simply to give in ?

So he confessed to everything. Listened. Gave his opinion. Kissed every centimeter of skin he could and agreed with every idea she moaned out loud as she bounced up on him. And when she fell asleep in his arms, smiling, Charles thought that the price to pay for a ray of sunshine wasn’t so bad.

Something had changed. You couldn’t pinpoint exactly what, but you felt as if you were nothing more than an antelope being hunted in one of those wildlife documentaries you used to watch as a child.

Why had you even dressed up ? The dress wasn’t comfortable and way too light for December, your hair was tied too tight, but at least the staff didn’t look down on you this time. When Charles said you looked gorgeous, you thought it was not so bad, and sat straighter.

It was your first time seeing the two of them together somewhere else than on pictures. They were dressed to the nines, and matching perfectly, from the black velvety outfits to the silver of their jewelry. It seemed Alex had finally managed to sleep, because she looked as good as the first day, as good as the hot summer nights, as good as the time you kissed her. Charles was keeping his hand on her thigh, and everytime he squeezed her, you felt like you were about to faint.

You tried to be cautious. Ordering alcohol to calm your nerves had probably not been the best idea, because at some point you weren’t able to remember if their voice had always been this sultry or if you were already tipsy.

They had apologized, both of them. Alex in great details, and this time you let her talk. To be honest, you were tired. It had been long enough. You missed your friend. When she said out loud every thought that ran through your head, your last arguments all flew away. Had the two of you not suffered enough ? Had Charles not been a great meeting ? There was so much more she wanted to share with you, and you only managed to whisper littles “yes”. She would be better, she said. She promised. The best of best friends.

And so when she touched your hand, you did not retreat. And when the both of them asked you what you thought, all red smiles and white canines, you barely managed to breath out.

“Yes, sure… let’s try being friends again.”

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3

Taglist : @sam-is-lost // @mangotaitai // @ilovechickenwings // @eroselless // @zreads111 // @crimson-spine // @inejismywife // @champomiel // @seoulie101 // @charizznorizz // @exactlycoralfox // @waitwhendidwegethere // @cluelessred3

[lorelune]

of carnage

|| blade x reader || E/18+ || shared toxicity, band au || wc: 8.8k  || ao3 ||

You and Blade are mutually assured destruction. You know this, and yet it does not stop you from chasing after him.

minors, antis and ageless blogs dni

notes: well hello :3c this fic is part of a trade i did for some LOVELY selfship art with MOST BELOVED @rabbbitseason!! they asked for toxic bladie and reader and i come to DELIVER 🙏 setting and au are heavily inspired by my time in my local music scene and all of the 💀that came with it. i'm glad it can be all get repurposed into blade smut 🫶 THANK YOU!! to bitti for giving me so many fun wants to craft around!! THANK YOU!!! as well to @ofmermaidstories and @2kmps for beta reading!! now, please mind the tags on this one and enjoy <3

CW: dark content, band au, dubcon, pain during sex, bleeding during sex, toxic relationship between blade and reader, angst, hurt/a little comfort, manipulation, gaslighting by blade and the reader @ themselves, face slapping, spanking, spitting, reader smokes cigarettes, reader drinks, self destructive reader, past blade/dan heng, implied unrequited jing yuan/dan heng, kernels of jing yuan/reader

“Are you going to the gig tonight? Fu Xuan asks as if the answer isn’t obvious already.

You crane your neck back to look at her from your roost in front of your full-length mirror. Your knees dig into the carpet and the tips of your fingers are tinged with black. You’ve spent the better part of the last thirty minutes attempting to perfectly smudge the smoky line of eyeliner on your lower lash line. A tube of dark, red lipstick (his color) and sticky gloss rests on the fluffy carpet beside your folded knees.

“Of course.” You can’t make yourself smile, not when your stomach is in knots. “Are you?”

“I should if you are going,” she huffs, leaning against your doorframe. “You need a chaperone.”

(She’s probably right.)

“Please tell me you’re joking.” You grimace and turn away, unable to meet her gaze. She’s too good at reading you. “I’ll be just fine on my own, thank you very much.”

“... He’s playing, isn’t he?”

“I mean, yeah.” You rub more aggressively at the widening smears around your eyes. “But that’s not the only reason.”

“Sure.”

“It’s not, really.” You meet her gaze with a glance in the mirror. It’s hard to keep, her stare intense and full of judgment— (And worry.) “There’s a bunch of good bands tonight. There’s a touring group— all the way from Pier Point.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You have no faith in me, do you?” You pout, keeping your voice light, and hoping it comes off as a bit of a jest.

When you finally turn to face Fu Xuan fully, she dips to sit beside you, on her own folded knees. She plucks your soon-to-be-worn lipstick off the ground and uncaps it, just long enough to see the color, before sighing and closing it once more with a pop. 

“Not really, no.” Fu Xuan leans against your side, cheeks puffing out. “Not when it comes to him—”

“You can say his name, you know.” You smear chalky highlighter on your cheeks with your fingertips. “It’s not a slur. He’s just some guy.”

“‘Some guy’,” She groans. “If he’s really just some guy, why don’t we skip the gig tonight and stay home? We can order in some nice food, and I could invite Qingque.”

“... I—”

“You know that going is a bad idea, right?” Fu Xuan sighs. “We’ve gone over this before.”

“I’m aware of that.” You can’t suppress your scowl any longer, turning to face her. “Blade is fine—”

“He treats you like shit.”

“He treats everyone like that.”

“That doesn’t make it better. If anything, that makes it worse. You deserve better.” Fu Xuan sounds genuinely upset. “And you can do better. Easily. With literally anyone else, even if you find them at one of your nasty house shows. Try entertaining the thought?”

“You don’t have to be so—” You turn to her, fist balling up on your knees— “So mean about it.”

“It’s messy.”

“And it’s not your business.”

“It’s not!” Fu Xuan says, exasperated as she rolls her eyes. “I really shouldn’t even be bothering, but you are my friend. And it is painful to watch you chase the tail of a man who will hardly give you the time of day or bare minimum respect. Excuse me for showing concern.”

“Your concern is noted.” As it has been before. “But I’m fine. I wasn’t lying earlier— there’s other groups I want to see tonight. You... don’t have to come along just to babysit. I’ll be alright. I know you hate them.”

“I do.”

Fu Xuan crosses her arms and exhales, something angry and burning. “At least let me drive you. I can pick you up later too. Rather I do than some stranger or him—”

“Blade. His name, Fu Xuan.”

“Blade.”

“God, you do say it like a slur.” You roll your eyes, the pit in your stomach having become larger and darker. You swipe below your eyes and thank an Aeon or two that your eyeliner is waterproof. 

...

The house venue is a bit out of town, in the rural suburbs on a lot that’s big enough to host a crowd and not bother the nearest neighbors. Fields streak by during your journey, humming with junebugs and chirping with late- summer crickets. Low hills roll by as a harvest moon rises, waxing and half-full.

Fu Xuan drops you at the curb and idles as you collect yourself. A crossbody bag carries your essentials (your phone, your sticky lip products, a lighter to go with the pack of cigarettes that you actually don’t smoke, and two condoms shoved against the bottom). You fiddle with the strap against your shoulder.

“Call me when you need me to pick you up, okay?” Fu Xuan taps the steering wheel. “I’ll be awake.”

“Okay, mom.”

“I mean it—”

“I know.”

“Don’t go home with Blade. Or let him drive you home. He handles a car like he’s trying to kill himself.”

It’s a fair assessment but you still shake your head, trying to seem good-natured despite the rot you feel curling in the back of your throat. Bile, rising, before you have a drop of liquor in you. It’s a little pathetic; you’ll really think so in retrospect. For now, you walk toward the venue itching for a drink in your hand or familiar company. Thundering bass and ripping guitar vibrate from the basement windows, shaking the ground beneath your feet.

A crowd clusters at the back of the house. Folks swap cigarettes and clutch cans of cheap beer and flasks decorated with stickers. You quickly survey, looking for, searching for him—

(He’s usually out here before his set, hiding away somewhere with Kafka sharing cigarettes and glaring at anyone dumb enough to make a pass at her.)

A hand grabs you by the shoulder, and you nearly jump out of your skin. “Oh my gosh, you’re here! I didn’t know you’d be coming to the gig!”

It’s March, you know. She is easy to identify with the sweet, candy-like perfume she wears and the slight press of her almond-shaped gel manicure into your shoulder.  March turns you abruptly, throwing her arms around your shoulders and squeezing. Too tightly, knocking the air out of you in an instant. You give her a tentative hug back and pull away quickly. The contact scalds you.

“Have you seen—?”

“Blade?” March pouts and tilts her head. “You know, I feel like you only come to these things to see that guy. He’s nothing special. And I have seen him. He was off sulking a while ago, by the sheds in the back of the lot.”

“... I’ll have to check. Thanks, March.”

She sighs as you walk away from her, before calling out to Stelle (who is always a step or two behind her anyways.) 

You feel— bad about how you treat them. They’re both good people. So is the third in their trio, Dan Heng, a man with a beautiful face and an eerily calm demeanor, especially when compared to his companions. The group of them was introduced to you back when you first started attending these shows, hanging around the scene, and sweating in the basement of mildew-filled houses. They were some of your first friends, and easy to mesh with when you gave yourself the time and space to. Stelle always had a flask with lukewarm vodka or tequila, and March kept a case of seltzers in her trunk. Dan Heng was the ever-reliable sober cab. 

(It was nice back then. Before you had become so entangled with Blade and the subsequent social politics that came with chasing and occasionally fucking the hot, albeit emotionally-unavailable bassist of HUNTERS. It was far easier to hold those friendships than to orbit around a man who you can never tell if he hates you or wants to fuck you in his back seat.)

You find Blade tucked away around the side of the house, cloaked in shadow while taking long drags of a cigarette. The cherry glows in the dim light. From the basement window peeking out from the ground, a red glow pours out, illuminating the well-worn combat boots he wears. They’re crusted in filth, falling apart at the toe. 

(You’d still lick them if he asked you to. Hump them if he asked you twice.)

Another figure stands across from him. Serene, arms crossed, with storm eyes visible even in the poor lighting. Dan Heng keeps a perfectly neutral expression as he speaks, hushed, to Blade who wears a scowl so perfectly that it looks like he’s carved of immovable stone rather than not flesh. 

You’re not quite within earshot. You can’t make out their words, only their tone. It’s an angry exchange, one that’s charged with heat lighting and ire. Blade spits something at Dan Heng, venomous in his tone like he so easily is. Dan Heng replies back something so cooly that it’s like a low-tide wave lapping at your feet.

If you were better, you would turn around and leave. Neither of them know that you’re here, so close. It’s invasive to listen, but you know that there’s... history between Blade and Dan Heng. You’ve always wondered what it is, and considering that Blade has the emotional availability of a rotting vegetable, you won’t be getting those details out of him.

Maybe witnessing their dynamic (yet again) could provide you some clarity—?

(And maybe, if you know why Blade was so, so hurt by Dan Heng, you can do better. You can be the exact thing that Blade wants, and then he will want you, just as much as you want him.)

You listen more keenly:

“I’ve asked you to stop booking shows where the Express is already playing.”

“And I’ve asked you to get off my dick and stop being such a priss, but it doesn’t look like you’ll ever do that.”

“I’m asking you to be reasonable.”

“Sure, because clearly asking me to not play prime gigs is ‘reasonable’. Not to mention you should be taking this up with Kafka or Elio, not me. Did you just want an excuse to talk, Imbibitor Lunae—”

“Don’t call me that.”

“What, have something else you’d prefer to be called? I remember plenty of things you liked hearing. Want me to name a few?”

“Hold your tongue—”

A stick cracks behind you and you nearly jump out of your skin.

“Bladie~” Kafka purrs behind you, hands sliding up over your shoulders, hot breath over the back of your neck. “We’re on soon. Soundcheck in five, Firefly has a vodka shot for you if you want.”

You’re frozen.

Blade grunts from around the house, and as he does, Dan Heng emerges from the shadows quickly, on hastened feet, and nearly stumbles when you see him. Your expression must be— fucking stupid. Wide-eyed and slack-jawed as Kafka runs her nails up and down your neck. 

As Dan Heng practically sprints off, Kafka croons quietly into your ear, “And what are you doing all the way back here? Looking for Bladie again?”

You don’t need to speak for her to know your answer. Blade’s steps thud against the ground over the short, dry grass. 

Part of you knows you should scramble away and pretend you weren’t just lurking like a stray dog begging for kitchen scraps. It’s humiliating to be caught by Kafka (yet again), doing the same shit on a different day. Another part of you, one which is much louder, more persuasive, and saccharine sweet, urges you to face Blade. If you get caught in his maw, good. 

Your hands shake as Blade emerges from the dark.

He looks like death. Ghostly pale skin with deep purple eyebags, like bruises. His eyes are cut carnelian, ethereal and volcanic against his parlor. A cigarette hangs between his plump lips, threatening to burn and melt the pieces of his fringe that hang around his cheeks. Long, wild black hair, tipped in faded crimson, falls down his back in frizzy waves. His arms bulge obscenely in the tight, black shirt he wears. A carved jade pendant hangs off of his belt.

Blade stares you down and his scowl deepens, turning even more sour. He mutters something under his breath, something unintelligible but cruel. It’s not the first time he’s spoken to you that way. He’s done so more loudly and more brutally. 

You—

(Hate it. You love it. Well, maybe not love, but you crave the way that Blade is awful to you. You’re horrible.)

“Better get inside now,” Kafka hands drift to your waist, tugging on the belt loop of your pants. You let out a little yip. “I’m sure the front row is filling up fast. No need to spy on Bladie if you get a prime spot during the actual set, hm?”

She’s right; she usually is.

Kafka leaves you with an elegant twirl, humming one of HUNTERS songs from their new EP under her breath. You know the tune. You’ve been playing it on repeat for the last two months. 

It’s easy to follow the jarring trills of soundcheck as you float inside the home, following the trail of people headed toward the basement. Descending down the rickety, railingless stairs into thick, humid air that reeks of sweat, beer, and fledging mold. Down, down, down you go— maybe to hell, where you perhaps belong.

...

Moon Drinker by HUNTERS

You taught me that the high moon 

Was our lovers’ sigil

How quickly did you throw away our runes

How empty is your cup

Moon Drinker

That you would break mine too

...

The gig is decent. That’s how these shows tend to be and you enjoy them just enough to tolerate the stench and humidity of grungy basements like this one. 

Three bands play, IP3, the Express, and HUNTERS. The interest you expressed to Fu Xuan about Pier Point’s IP3 was a lie, but they’re not bad. The frontman, a blond with eyes like inverted crystals, has a sultry edge to his voice that verges on sexual. It’s a cleaner sound that rips into something dirtier, filthier, as their set goes on. 

The Express follows IP3. You’ve seen them more times than you can count, but the trio is still nice to listen to, even now. March always plays with the crowd in between her harmonies in a way that riles folks up just enough without causing abject chaos. The band plays a new song you don’t know, one that is angry and loud and so unlike their normal sound. Dan Heng is on vocals, rather than solely on guitar, and you’re reminded of how mournful and melodic his voice can be. The exact words of the piece get eaten by the cement foundation of the basement, but you imagine that it’s an elegy.

HUNTERS is last on.

They usually are, as their music is the loudest and gnarliest, and they’re typically the most well-known (even if they have a shit reputation and their crowds leave trashed venues in their wake). You feel— insane when they start playing. You know all of their songs, even if you don’t really like their music. Kafka’s voice is hypnotic in a way that’s disarming, even on a recording. Silver Wolf is too good of a drummer for the caliber of band that they are, and Firefly shreds easily on guitar, trained on strings since childhood, but using her talents in a grunge band rather than on a world stage.

Blade’s bass playing is messy. Though his tempo is sure and unwavering, the actual rhythm drags and punches in intervals that verge on unnerving. You have never been able to place if this is due to whatever rage and poison he carries into music making, or if his fingers are as arthritic as Kafka jokes that they are. 

It doesn’t really matter, in the end. The sound blends together in a cacophony that sounds like the way bursted flesh looks. If you could taste the way their newest EP sounded, it would be the iron tang of blood and the acrid burn of bile. 

You’re fucked for it— for Blade. You’ve been since you first became tangled in this web.

A pit opens in the middle of the crowd, small at first, but rapidly widening, with more and more people throwing themselves into it. They bounce around and bash against the individuals at the sides of the pit, only to be shoved back in a moment later. 

You try to stay away from it. Instead, you watch Blade like a fucking pervert.

The basement has gotten hot. Steamy, if you look hard enough at the air that barely circulates against the low, pipe-ridden ceiling. Blade has thrown his hair up in a high ponytail, wisps of hair still cling to his neck and temples, sweat visibly rolling down his neck. His shirt sticks to his toned chest as the overclocked speakers try to keep up with the HUNTERS most recently released song— ‘MOON DRINKER’.

Blade doesn’t look at you. Not once.

His eyes are fixed elsewhere, deeper in the crowd, beyond the bodies in the pit and those who hang at the outskirts by the house’s ancient boiler. Blade’s attention is fixed on— something (someone. You can assume who.) Not once does his gaze drift down his instrument, and never does he acknowledge the way you stand in the front row, so close, with your attention squarely on him.

(This is normal. So normal, it’s painful.)

The pit expands even further, widening as more gig-goers jump into mosh as one song bleeds into the next. You almost get swirled in yourself as a stranger slams into your side with enough force to nearly knock you to the ground. 

A broad, warm hand catches you by your bicep, hoisting you up before you even have a chance to fall. 

“Be careful now,” It’s Jing Yuan (who is much too powerful and rich to be at a basement show, but yearning pushes you both to do stupid, nonsensical things) who speaks directly into your ear, so you can hear him even as your ears ring muffled. “Are you alright?”

You turn to nod at him, flashing him a thumbs up and nervous smile. The cologne he wears permeates the space around you, overpowering the sweat and mildew with ease. He gives you an easy smile and a squeeze, before letting you. He sidesteps your frame to be closer to the pit, crossing his arms over his chest and shielding you from the worst of the throng. 

You’re grateful for the cover; it would be embarrassing to topple over right in front of Blade.

It takes you a moment to recenter yourself, lost in Jing Yuan’s scent and the roar of Firefly’s final, aching guitar riffs. You look back to HUNTERS once more as they finish out their set in a loud, carnal flourish. The expensive speakers they’ve dragged with them are going to fucking blow out—

Blade is staring at you.

Not into the crowd, toward the placid face and cold heart that so clearly plague him, not to his bandmates or instrument, but looking at you.

In the red-lit basement, his eyes nearly glow, unnatural in their anger as they always are. It seemed more concentrated, feral and crystallized in its intensity. Rage. You want to cower under it while your insides feel hot and frigid all at once. He pierces so easily, so thoughtlessly. As the crowd erupts into cheers and shouts as the set ends, you cannot move. Staked in place. 

Not once does Blade look away from you, and his mouth does not deviate from the twisted frown he wears.

... 

Swordmaker by HUNTERS

If I were forged alongside you, 

Do you think I would forgive you then?

If iron was your skin,

Steel your lungs

and lead your heart,

You would be easier to hold.

Empty are memories

Full is the garden

And bloody is the blade.

…

You should be better than this.

Blade slams you up against the back of the shed, the motion jarring and far too fast to be pleasant. Your head knocks painfully against the wood and peeling paint, and despite how you whimper with the impact, Blade doesn’t react. He doesn’t seem to care. 

(You know he doesn’t.)

He hikes your leg up over his hip and grinds against your core through your pants. The motion is rough, clumsy and far too harsh to be pleasurable. The dry friction through your panties makes you squirm and dig your nails into his shoulders. Blade grunts in your ear. You think he likes the pain.

The gig was only let out half an hour ago, and plenty of people are still milling around. Whispers are circulating about if and where there will be an afterparty. You weren’t paying much attention to them— they’re easy to ignore— especially when Blade had been dragging you by the wrist just far enough away from the main house to fuck without being overtly noticeable. 

(Barely, though. Blade can be loud and you can be loud when you’re with him. You’re tempting fate to be caught, seen with him in this way. It’s an open secret that you’re the scraps that Blade entertains himself with, but you would rather not be caught with your literal pants down.)

Blade smells like cigarettes and sweat. The scent of unclean smoke tangles in his unruly hair as you get a grip on it and tug. The juncture of his neck has the faintest hint of some cologne you’re sure he doesn’t know the name of and stale sweat. You press your lips there and dare to drag your tongue across his skin and taste him. It’s not a good taste, not necessarily, but you love it. Salty and filthy. (It’s disgusting, but familiar and morosely comforting.) You are drunk on it and it makes you feel pathetic at the same time.

A growl sounds in your ear as Blade pins you with his weight to the shed. Dragging you back from his neck, he grabs your jaw, forcing you to look at him fully. 

“Don’t leave marks.” He paralyzes you with his stare and sneer. 

“I’d never.” You try to sound earnest, even if it’s a lie. Because you would— you’d bite and tear at his neck (like he does at yours) until the skin there is black and blue. Happily, you would leave hickies above his collar. Split his lip and bite his jaw hard enough to bleed. You could wear his blood on your teeth and smile for once at these fucking gigs.

Instead, you do not bite him. You just let Blade maul you as he desires.

He grinds against your core. The pressure is unpleasant at this point, too much and too little all at the same time. When you whimper now, he just ignores you and slips his hands under your shirt. He grabs your waist in both hands and squeezes.

“Turn around,” says Blade, already twisting you himself, so your front is pressed against the shed.

“H-Here?” You laugh nervously. Despite your... reputation, something cold, unwelcome and uncomfortable settles in you. “C-Can’t we go to your car? Or inside?”

“Maybe later.”

(It’s awful. It’s sick, the way your heart flutters at the implications of ‘later’. ‘Later’ means more of him. More of Blade’s time, his touch, his hardly-there care. More scraps for you to gorge yourself on, more time to beg for more. It’s sick. It’s sick how fucked you are for him.)

Blade reaches around your front to undo the button at the top of your trousers. In a swift motion, he has them around your thighs. Just enough that he can bend you over and access your cunt with some amount of ease. He keeps your panties on at first (he usually does this. You’re never sure why. You can delude yourself into thinking it’s him taking his time with you, but you know that that is a lie). 

Blade places one of his hands on the back of your neck to flatten you against the shed, while the other must be unbuttoning his own pants to get his cock out, based on the jingling of metal and shred of a zipper. You swallow, your mouth dry. You’re dry, but you know that if you try to touch yourself to prep at this point, Blade will only be meaner.

The most he does is run two fingers over your slit, over your panties. It’s barely enough contact on your clit to be felt, but you gasp and shudder anyway. Canting your hips back, you try to encourage more contact. Anything he’ll give you.

He sighs behind you. Disappointed. Aggravated. It makes you want to cry.

Blade peels down your panties. The cold air shocks you, your core tightening up, but you hardly have time to adjust to the temperature before Blade’s equally cold hands fully part your folds. He sighs again, pulling away only to spit on his fingers, and smear his saliva around your hole. It feels dirty. You feel dirty.

When Blade pulls away, you whine at the loss of contact (at how cold it is, at how the crowd milling around smoking cigarettes and cheap weed is just on the other side of this dilapidated shed crows and laughs into the night). You swear you can recognize March’s giggle above the din of conversation.

You’re brought back to your entanglement with a harsh slap to your ass. Harsh and audible. The sound that escapes your lips is choked and high. 

“Don’t get distracted,” Blade huffs. He spits again, presumably on his dick. 

You nod, latching onto the pain radiating from slap to your ass. As if sensing it, Blade lays down another strike. This one is hotter, harder. He isn’t holding back. It is sure to bruise the tender flesh there. A mark. Something that will tangibly ache, something leftover from your tryst.

You could cry.

The velvety head of Blade’s cock nudges your folds. He brackets you into the wall, arms on either side of you. Heat radiates off his chest and sinks into your spine.

“‘Feels good?” He asks, voice hoarse as he coats himself in your meager slick.

“Y-yeah,” you lie. It’s not enough to feel good. You don’t care.

Blade seems content enough with your answer as he bears down on you. Flattening you to the dirt-covered shed, he hitches his hip down, then up, trying to fit the tip of his cock into your hole. He maneuvers your hips as he pleases, grunting when the tip of him catches on your cunt. When you dare to whine, even the smallest sound, he cracks his hand down on your ass again. Your vision speckles into darkness with the shot of pain and—

(The roar of anxiety and subsequent shame when you realize how much quieter the milling crowd nearby has become.)

“Hold still.” Blade's voice has sunk low, gravely with the cigarettes he’s been smoking all evening. 

The next time his cock touches your opening, he presses in without hesitation.

It’s—

It’s too fucking much.

It is, it always is, every single fucking time he fucks you. Any prep he gives you is perfunctory. Blade will never lavish you with attention, not in the way that you probably need. That you—

(Might even deserve.)

No, the most that Blade will do is fuck you filthy behind a shed, near some of his more well-adjusted peers and probably come inside of you. On past occasions, he has let you suck him off in the backseat of his car. He’s only accidentally (‘accidentally’) came on your face a few times. Less than ten, more than five. Once, he ate you out for a few minutes, but you swear to god he was groaning someone else’s name as he did.

(You’re fucking pathetic.)

This is always too much. Blade is too big. Too big, even if you were stretched and primed with a few fingers like would be right and proper. As tight and dry as you are, it’s painful. He has to grind into your cunt with rolling little thrust so he can fit himself in at all. Each one shocks a breath out of you, a shattering, fragile sound. 

When Blade bottoms out, he lays flat over your back. The weight of him is suffocating. His corded muscle is all dead weight above you as his cock twitches inside you. You can’t tell if he’s idling to allow you some time to adjust, or purely for his own leisure. You can’t be sure. You don’t want to ask him either.

“You’re tight.” Blade’s voice threatens to break.

(Of course you are. He’s the only person you will let fuck you, and these trysts only occur every few weeks, when there’s a show that you can be cornered at.)

He bucks into you, deeper still. The head of his cock is touching parts of you that shouldn’t be touched.

You whimper, “Blade—”

He growls in response. It’s a raspy and low tone that makes arousal burn in your gut and leak down your thighs. (You hope so anyway— it’s more wet and you don’t think it hurts enough that you’re bleeding.) Blade fucks you in earnest, then. There’s no delay, no waiting, no potential for momentary, perceived niceties. He pulls out of you almost completely, then thrusts back into you in one single motion. The friction burns and your vision wavers. 

(You still moan like a whore.)

You feel— dirty. Disgusting. Pathetic as he fucks you like. You don’t feel like a person as he fucks you; you never do. How could you? The grip he uses on your hips is too bruising and the force and strength he’s using to brutalize your cunt is just too much. He fucks you like he’s taking anger out on a piece of drywall. Blade shares physically with you in the way a dog shreds a chew toy to bits, then leaves it on the ground to fester.

Blade grunts next to your ear, nipping there.

He doesn’t kiss you— well, not often. He can’t with your current position. You wouldn’t expect him to anyway. Sometimes he leaves a ring of dark hickies across your neck, like a collar. You like those, but he always waits an extra long time to see you after he marks you like that.

(You presume to make sure that the bruises have fully yellowed, then faded. A clean canvas.)

Blade’s pace increases, just before he pulls out. His cock rests on the cleft of your ass and he tips his forehead to rest on the shed, just beside yours.

“You’re still dry.”

“Sorry—”

He cuts you off. “It’s fine.”

...

It apparently isn’t fine. 

Blade drags you toward the house. He barks at someone, then Kafka, to find a room. You feel dazed as he does. Out of your body, as you receive a number of knowing and unknowing stares from the lingering show-goers who cluster around a firepit. 

(How many of them heard you just now? How many know the exact sounds you make when in barely-there pleasure? In certainly-there pain? How many of them know the sound of Blade’s too-big cock slapping into your too-dry cunt?)

It makes you feel sick to think about.

A room must be found for the two of you, as Blade drags you up the stairs of the back porch. 

As he does, he hesitates.

(He has so rarely done this.)

His gaze is not on you; it pierces elsewhere in the dark. A floodlight off the back of the house illuminates a section of the yard, and just beyond its reach, nestled somewhere between the dark and light, he fixates. His jaw sets and locks. 

There are figures, you realize.

They’re easy to identify once you actually focus. One is lithe and short-haired, the other broad-shouldered and long-haired.  Dan Heng and Jing Yuan. Speaking on the outskirts. It feels private. Their attention turns from their hushed conversation to the two of you as Blade stares daggers and swords into them. As if he could pierce them with nothing more than his silent rage and angry eyes. 

You freeze.

Their expressions are obscured in the lowlight, but you can almost feel the looks they give you. Like a sickly mucus that gets stuck to you and rolls down your flesh in slow, cold globs. 

Dan Heng (once so dear to you, still probably dear to you—) looks guarded, thought darkened. Contempt twists his expression, anger following just after. You’d ever wager that he’s disgusted, maybe. Probably with you, because he knows you’re better than this. Beside him, Jing Yuan wears an expression of careful passivity, of geniality, as he always does, but it’s tinged with something sad and old. For all parties involved in this silent, momentary exchange.

Jing Yuan regards you directly, slowly blinking at you, as though he was a large house cat intent on making you feel safe, and not a presence that only drives the bubbling anxiety in you higher. 

It’s a seconds-long encounter that stretches for an eternity. You cannot make yourself move. You cannot feel anything other than rotten and small.

Blade lets out a harsh exhale and yanks you away. The scene breaks and you’re dragged inside. He whispers under his breath, vitriol-tinging his tone. Your panties feel sticky and wet as you walk.

Kafka had found a room for you, on the second floor of the house. God knows whose it actually is. You don’t get a good look at the room as Blade pushes you inside.. It’s dim, the only light is licking in from the dirty window, an afterburn from the raging bonfire outside. You hear muffled voices still, leaking in like a draft. 

Blade locks the door and pushes you onto the unmade bed.

It’s a cheap mattress with flannel sheets. It smells like old weed smoke and cheap incense. Fu Xuan would tell you that you deserve better than this. You think you might.

Blade climbs on top of you, jaw still locked, and eyes far away.

(You do wonder what happened between him and Dan Heng. Something did. Something gutting and heartbreaking— you hear it when Blade sings. A betrayal, an intangible knife cut but still so painful. Dan Heng has always spoken about Blade with a type of protective neutrality. He warned you to never get involved with Blade. To stay away, to not get on Blade’s bad side, and if something did entangle you with him, Dan Heng could sort it out. He has always cared so fiercely for those he loves; it’s a shame that you have squandered it.)

(Blade is a sentimentalist. Blade is so held in the past that it chokes him. It always has, during every moment you’ve shared with him. He lingers in the bloody past, he holds it in his hands with a grip that’s meant to snap bird wings and flay flesh. He hates Dan Heng. He still loves him, though. You see it on his face sometimes. You hear it in Blade’s music. The ache, the death, the unending grief and mourning and rage that the man simply won’t let go of.)

(It is obsession.)

It shouldn’t make you bitter to think about. Yet, it does. It’s not your place to hold those types of feelings, let alone express them. For so many reasons, Blade will never see you as anything more than a cheap fuck. You think Dan Heng is the primary one. Over time, you’ve grown bitter. Resentful. 

Blade pulls off your shirt in one swift move. He’s slower than he usually is. More deliberate. His hands are shaking, like how they do just after he finishes a set. It’s… off—

You hate it. You hate that the lingering pain of someone else will effect Blade more than you ever, ever could in the present.

You grab a fistful of his hair and tug. His breath catches as you do.

”What the fuck is your deal?” You sneer at him. There’s a cruel edge in your voice that does not sound like you. Blade brings out the worst in you, and you fall prey to it, so easily. 

Blade glances up at you, eyes sharp like cut gems. He says nothing.

”You and Dan Heng,” you laugh. You don’t mean to— you don’t, you don’t— and you yank Blade’s hair so he has to look at you better. “It’s pathetic, you know. How you look at him like a kicked fucking dog. What happened between the two of you, anyways?”

Blade freezes. So do you.

You’ve misstepped so brutally. So stupidly and tragically and idiotically. You’ve pushed too hard for what—?

Blade is on his haunches in an instance and he slaps you across the face.

Your head follows the force of the impact, forcing your face to the side. Your cheek smarts. It wasn’t— that hard. Blade is strong. He could do worse. Still, it shocks you. The pain is enough to make you gasp and reel.

”What the fuck—“

”Don’t,” Blade grabs your jaw, “open your mouth about things you know nothing about. You should know better.”

You should. You do.

”I could know more, if you ever told me, I don’t know— anything?” You laugh in his face, manic behind your eyes. You’re crushing the delicate nature of your cheap arrangement like how a child would crush a flighty butterfly’s papery wings. 

Blade shakes his head, smothering a laugh. He wrangles you forward, half-off risen from the bed, and parts your lips with his thumb. Before you can react, bite, claw— he is raising himself higher than you, dwarfing you in height, and spitting down into your mouth, onto your tongue.

”You don’t know when to shut up, do you?” He pats the side of your face, over the cheek that he struck. It burns. In another world, this touch would be tender. Here, you can only wince. 

Before you can reply, continue to run your mouth and rile him up further, Blade kisses you.

It shocks you, stuns you. 

He— he hasn’t ever kissed you before. It’s never been an explicit boundary, but never once during these trysts has Blade ever initiated this type of contact. It has felt dangerous to do so yourself. Something that’s too intimate, too personal to share. The core of your entanglement is the way he uses you. It’s impersonal. 

A kiss, you think, implies something more tender.

You gasp into his lips, and he takes the opportunity to all but violate the inside of your mouth. His tongue plunders inside, licking at his own spit that you have yet to swallow. A noise chokes off in the back of your throat. Something desperate and shocked that you hardly recognize. It’s filthy. He nips at your lips and pushes you back down.

Blade devours you. 

It’s too much, really. It’s a gesture of tenderness that has been so thoroughly mutilated, calling it a kiss feels paltry. The way his lips are on your own is much more like an argument and a subsequent conquest. One in which you lose ground. He nips at your lower lip, snags it between his teeth, and tugs it as he pulls away.

You pant, the sound of your own breath roars in your own ears. Your hands are still buried in his hair, grip unyielding, anchoring you.

Blade smiles, something poisonous and satisfied. You are too drunk on the singular kiss he gives you to care that much.

“That’s all it takes, is it?” He laughs, the sound dark and rolling, like the sound of an earthquake cracking the earth. 

He already knows you’ll beg for scraps. God forbid he gives you even a morsel more. 

The bed squeaks as he flips you by your hips so you’re laid flat, belly-down on the dirty sheets. Blade spanks your still-clothed ass for good measure before rustling around behind you. Assumedly to disrobe, just enough to fuck you. Assumedly, to ignore the condoms you brought (knowing he would disregard them—). Assumedly, to fuck you with every inch of your life. 

You want it. You want him so badly it physically hurts.

(Or, maybe you tore while he had you behind the shed. Who is to say?)

Blade clamors behind you, shaking, arthritic hands tugging your pants by the waistband. He doesn’t even bother to unzip them this time. Your panties get pulled down along with them, and they get tossed elsewhere in the barely-lit room. Blade spits behind you, and a sound of too-dry stroking follows. 

“D-do you want me to suck you off?” you ask with a hum. You’d let him fuck your face, if he asked. Or, if he wanted. Blade wouldn’t ask.

“No.”

“Just let me know.”

Blade sighs behind you, but you think little of it.

You brace yourself up on your elbows, lowering your upper half to be flat against the bed, and arching your hips as high as they’ll go. It’s as if to make yourself look appetizing. You hope it entices Blade, even a little.

(Please, you need him to want you. You need him to want you so badly. Please, please, please—)

The head of Blade’s cock rubs as your hole, down to your clit, then back up again a few times. He’s so hot, it’s like he is burning you. Contact that scalds. The contact against your clit is... nice. It’s the most warm up he has graced you with in a while. You could crave more, but settle for this. 

“C’mon Blade,” you whine. Your voice sounds airy. “Fuck me.”

He doesn’t reply, not with his voice. The rocking of his hips becomes more pronounced, and the slide of him against you becomes slicker. Still too big, too hot, but wet at least. Which is a bonus. Pre and blood are probably leaking onto the shaft at least a little bit too.

It makes it easier once he slides home in a single blow. 

It’s too fucking deep— especially with this angle. The head of his cock presses against your deepest parts, bruises them in a place where no one can see or feel but you. Blade is huge, the girth of him stretches you as his hips rest against your ass.

A wretched noise bubbles up past your lips. Something between a cry and a plea, for more, for less— to go home, to be in a warm, clean bed with someone who actually cares— you aren’t sure. Your desires have been twisted up and wrong for so long, you can’t tell what you really want. 

It makes you feel rotten, and then there’s only one thing you want.

(To hurt.)

Blade fucks you, then. Fully in, fully out of. Long and deep thrusts that carve out your insides in a brutal way. It’s violent. He leans over your back, and braces himself over you. You feel small, stupid, and hurt. A horrible swirl of things that make tears spring up at the corners of your eyes. You bury your face in the crusty pillow you’d manage to snag nearby—

And Blade tugs it away immediately. His big, calloused hand curls to hold your jaw up, so every pitiful whine and whimper you let out can’t be muffled. The bed squeaks as his thrusts slow.

“Don’t hide.”

“I-I won’t.”

“You were.”

“I won’t a-again—”

“You want this, don’t you?” Blade growls in your ears, then moves to the most fragile skin of your neck and bites. 

(You do, you do— god you do. You need this.)

You nod, and Blade keeps biting. His jaw nearly locks. You’re sure that you’ll be bruised for a week.

Blade scoffs and rears back, grabs your hips in both hands for leverage. And he fucks you.

That’s all it can be, really. You can’t get a solid hold on anything. The pillow has been thrown off the bed, and you struggle to find purchase on the sheets. All you do is take it. Pleasure, or something like it, builds in your core and goes nowhere. It simmers but never crests anywhere near orgasm. 

You don’t mind. This is enough.

Blade’s pace increases, never frantic. Never with him. Manic maybe, insane, tortured and damaged, but never frantic. Not with you. His rhythm falters as his cock slides in and out of you, slick beginning to stick to the inside of your thighs. 

His hand comes down on his ass. The other cheek, this time. It’s enough force to bruise again. You’ll have trouble sitting for a week.

As Blade nears his peak, his rhythm stutters. His breath grows harsher and more strained. His grip goes from bruising to breaking. You gasp with the pain, but don’t tell him to stop. His cock brushes against your cervix, and never your sweet spot. 

Blade flattens you to bed, prone, and puts his entire weight on top of you as his orgasm hits him. A strangled cry shatters from his lips into your ear as he fucks you too fast and too hard. A gush of warmth fills your insides, spilling to your outsides when there isn’t enough of you to hold all of him.

The bed frame slams into the wall with his final few thrusts. 

You lay there, in the filth, in the pain and the dissatisfaction of the tryst, and rot.

...

Blade leaves you there, at some point.

Not right away, but eventually. He rolls off you at some point, catches his breath for a while, checks his phone, then rises to right himself.

You cannot make yourself move. The only thing you can make yourself do is take slow, measured breaths. Each ache in your body is punctuated, loud and unignorable now that the fizzling pleasure of sex has dissipated. What’s left of it is this: carnage. 

“You have a ride home?” Blade asks. He must be near the door, based on the sound of his voice.

Fu Xuan’s warning words come to mind, and shame fills your belly. 

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

And he leaves.

You rot for a while longer.

This is not the first encounter that has gone this way. Blade fucks you like this and leaves. There’s no reverie or sweetness. There is using and being used, and the conclusion that always follows is this. Cooling, soon-to-be dry cum leaking out of you in thick droplets and a bite mark on your neck you’ll need to conceal for the next two weeks. Blade will ignore you like he doesn’t know you, next time he sees. But still fucks you like a toy.

It’s awful. It’s all you want.

You force yourself up at some point.

You’re surprised to find that your pants and panties are in a heap on the end of the bed. You are sure that they were tossed farther, but perhaps you misremember. Painstakingly, you rerobe yourself. Moving your legs in such ways hurts so bad, you could cry. You probably did cry while Blade fucked you. 

The quick stop in the squalid bathroom confirms this. Mascara smudges around your eyes and down your cheeks. The sticky gloss you were wearing has been smeared away. Not even a stain of the crimson remains. 

You feel hollow as you walk down the stairs, outside, toward the bonfire and its rapidly dwindling flames. A few folks still millaround, people you recognize, just barely, though no one you could call a friend remains around the pit. Stelle, March, and Dan Heng are long gone, probably. You’d feel too ashamed to look them in the eye anyway.

Someone offers you a warm beer and you take it. Your hands shake.

Hollow and wordless, you move around the backyard like a specter. Part of you wishes you were one, just something mostly formless and shapeless. Transparent. No one could see you make a fool of yourself that way. There would be no witnesses to your desperation and perversion.

You swallow back bile when it rises in your throat, and wash it down with a chug from the can.

You’re surprised to find Jing Yuan idling around the corner of the house. He looks up when you near him, and he greets you with the same genial smile he always wears. He nods to the space next him, already plucking a pack of cigarettes from the breast pocket on his shirt. You take one, and he lights it for you in the next instant.

“It looks like you needed that,” he hums. He doesn't take one for himself, only tucking the carton away and out of sight.

“Maybe.” You want to vomit. Or slide down the wall of the house and rot there. 

He laughs then. It’s too... warm of a sound for how you feel. For how dirty these venues are, and for the company that you have come to hold, it feels dissonant. Jing Yuan is too kind, too patient. 

(He cannot be your friend because your ruin would spread to him, maybe.)

“Take as many as you like,” he urges with a hum, and settles next to you.

Silently, you ruminate. Descend into yourself. You suppose, given the events you’ve seen tonight, that you’re both stewing in something akin to yearning. 

(Jing Yuan is better than you for it. He, at least, doesn’t sleep with his unrequited adored in someone else’s bed after a messy house show.)

“Do you have a way home?” asks Jing Yuan, breaking you from your slow-rolling spiral.

You shake your head. It would be rude to call Fu Xuan so late. You— you hadn’t really thought about a ride. Not yet. 

Jing Yuan looks you up and down and his smile looks sadder, “How about a ride home?”

“Sure.” You nod. 

The ride back home in Jing Yuan’s (too nice, too expensive, too decadent) car is quiet. An album from a band you don’t recognize plays at a low volume. Soothing, soft voices, so juxtaposed from the venue you leave behind. Maybe you just can’t recognize the words because you’re decaying. Your phone lays in your lap, over your aching thighs. 

[no new messages]

(Because Blade never messages you after a fuck. You’re not worth that much to him.)

...

Gingerly, you unlock your front door and enter your little apartment. Fu Xuan lays on the couch, on her back, with her phone against her collarbone. Her mouth is parted in peaceful sleep, though her hair is still done up, all of her pins are still in.

(She waited for you, again. And you failed her, again.)

You don’t know how she puts up with you. Or why either.

Some part of you wants to vomit. Wretch, like it’ll purge the awful, disgusting thoughts warming you. They do not serve you. You should just—

(Know better. You gain nothing from entangling yourself from Blade. The sex is... enough. Because Blade doesn’t know his own strength sometimes and makes it hurt, unintentionally toeing the line between too little and too much. It’s still not worth it. It shouldn’t be worth it. You’d be better off never going to any gigs, ever again. You wouldn’t have to disappoint and embarrass yourself to your old friends then. You wouldn’t have to linger in the yearning of others while never having that affection given to you.)

You collapse atop your bed. Your makeup has been roughly scrubbed off with an old towel, and you can feel the crunchy remnants of mascara clinging around your eyes. You can’t make yourself care. Burying your face in your pillow, you burrow into your blankets. You’ll probably be sore and hungover tomorrow... today? The songbirds are just beginning to chirp their morning arias. It makes you sick to your stomach.

As you begin to doze, your phone vibrates. 

[one new message]

blade: did you get home 

Your mouth feels dry and your chest feels so tight you could die. 

you: yeah. jing yuan drove me. 

[seen: 5:11 AM]

You hold your breath as Blade begins to type. Then stops typing. Then begins again. It goes on for several volleys and you really do think you might puke.

blade: get some sleep

You drop your phone somewhere in your sheets. Giddiness fills your chest, despite the exhaustion and ache and bone-rotting fatigue. Elation causes you to smile, something wide and girlish that you have to hide in your pillow, lest it be beared to the world.

(It’s a scrap. It’s nothing. It’s worse than the bare minimum and the bar is already in hell.)

But, it’s something.

A morsel. Something to clutch onto and hold and cherish.

You want to put his words between your teeth and swallow. 

[uyai1101-lads]

Dark Xavier Emerges.

MDNI, 🔞 18+ explicit nsfw content ahead. MDNI 🔞

Tags:

Light Fear play

Instant regret

Breeding kink (with no consequences)

General Yandere behavior

Light sadism

Aftercare

Hand necklace

You’re a ragdoll.

Xavier x fem reader

Play this to hear what music I listened to while writing this. Really put me in the writing mood.⤵️

Writer note: I haven’t written any fanfic in forever so please bear with me if the story feels weird. I tried y’all😭. I’ll probably do some art soon for this and put it up on a Patreon I’ll create soon where I can comfortably post more explicit art. Please feel free to share your thoughts IF you’re 18+ on this.

“How much did you buy?” Xavier demands in shock and annoyance, his sapphire eyes slowly narrowing to slits.

Amused and intrigued by this side of Xavier you’ve only managed to see once in a while, you smile inside secretly. Your plan to see how much of his dark side you could provoke to come out was slowly working. Yes you knew it was toxic and manipulative on your end to stoke his ire but Gods did it get you hot and bothered when the light in his eyes dimmed and his voice grew firm, husky, Dangerous. You wanted to know what that was like when he focused that dark side of his, in bed, on YOU.

You playfully shove at his unyielding hard chest caging you in on the single sofa he had moments ago cornered you to.

“Move! We can’t keep the delivery guy waiting” you whine with a soft laugh, your eyes soaking in his annoyed but still so handsome face.

“Nope” came the firm reply and an even firmer hand sliding up yours on his chest to grip and slowly bring it back down between the two of you.

“ I won’t let you go, until I hear the answer I want” the cold firm tone was said in a deep husky voice. The usually soft innocent expression of his was now gone and replaced with a cool almost predatory one. His already dark sapphire eyes almost black and now hooded, soft locks of his greyish hair falling into them.

Fuck… you thought eagerly. Here he was, Dark Xavier, this side of him you affectionately nicknamed.

You could feel your lower belly clench in pleasure, your pussy was damn near throbbing already.

A loud pounding at the door causes both of you to jump, Xavier startles and glances over at the door with a fierce scowl. He was distracted enough that you managed to wrench your hand out of his now loose grip and push him softly but quickly out of the way as you made a hasty escape from his cage and towards the door.

“Cominggg! Hold on I’m coming sir!”

If you had glanced behind you, you would have noticed Xavier’s lips raise in an unnatural smile as he watched your enthusiastic figure race to the door. coming? calling another man sir and yelling about coming? he thought, his mind warping your words, you wouldn’t be doing that this evening unless you BEGGED and gave him the exact answer he needed to hear.

After getting your package of more Lumiere merchandise and food ordered, your next plan was getting Xavier’s reluctant help in setting up the Lumiere toys and cardboard cutout in your room, you positioned the cutout directly by your bed earning yourself and the innnocent cutout a heavy dark stare.

Uh ohhhhh, you thought with an inner snicker. He was slowly losing it, you could feel the heavy aura in the bedroom. Now was the time to coax him to bed and show your “appreciation” for his help these past few days. Truthfully your injuries had healed well and you would’ve gone back to work but Xavier definitely wouldn’t have approved. Plus he seemed to really enjoy personally taking care of you.

You slowly strip out of the pajama bottoms and flannel top you had on, revealing the cute red lacy underwear set you had bought just for tonight.

Unfortunately the lacy panty was half drenched with your arousal but the sharp intake of breath you heard from Xavier seated on your bed made it worth keeping it on. You could feel that possessive almost hungry stare slowly sliding up your body and back down leaving you jittery and achy with anticipation.

To add more fuel to the fire you had cultivated all these few days, you pick up the handsome Lumiere ball joint doll you had managed to snag online before it sold out from your vanity and give it a quick sweet kiss on its resin cheek. “Goodnight my handsome Lumiere” you coo at it.

A sudden low snarl from the bed almost makes you drop the doll to the hardwood floor in shock, you whip your head so fast to catch Xavier’s angered face you almost give yourself a crick in the neck. You slowly place the ball joint doll back on your vanity.

Now your heart is pounding because Xavier’s off the bed now, slowly walking towards you. His expression twisted into a faint calm smile but the energy he’s giving off is anything but calm.

“X-Xavier?” You half ask half whisper. Taking an involuntary step away from his slowly advancing figure. All of a sudden the room feels too small and not enough room to escape.

Xavier lets out a soft flat chuckle, he watches you with those deep unwavering sapphire eyes of his but…his smile feels wrong, almost mocking and…cruel.

“Ahh so you do remember my name after all, Star” the deep flat voice sends alarming goosebumps down your skin. You’re caught off guard by the sudden temperature drop in the room and the sudden feeling of intimidation. You shuffle back another step almost reaching your bathroom door, your heart is racing, you feel that confusing mixture of sudden fear but titillation dampening your lacy panty. Your legs are shaking as you stare at that predatory animal gait still approaching you.

This was what you wanted but maybe just maybe, you had pushed him too far? You’re all of a sudden not sure how far Xavier might go with you tonight.

“Star? Why are you backing away from me?” Xavier asks softly with faint audible amusement, his expression still the flat calm.

Heart thudding out of your chest, you immediately turn to the bathroom door intending to dart inside and slam it shut to at least get a few seconds to shake off the chill you’re feeling and calm down.

A large palm shoots out right past your ear and slams the door you just managed to open, violently shut.

Legs almost giving out beneath you, you shakily turn and find yourself staring up at the dark blown out pupils staring blankly down at you.

“X-Xavier plea-“

All of a sudden you’re picked up and thrown over his shoulder, your world is upside down, head facing down at his bottom and legs while your ass is up in the air. Did he just? Manhandle you?!

As if he heard your stunned inner dialogue, A hard sting on your almost bare ass sends a shocking burn that wrings a startled squeal out of you.

XAVIER?!

Just

SPANKED ME?!

you’re too speechless to even try and protest before you find yourself sailing through to the bed and damn near bouncing off of it. But he’s there, palm pushing you back down hard.

You stare up at him, mouth dropped open in a breathless wheeze of near terror. Somehow your confused horny pussy thinks it’s go time and throbs with a need to be filled by this unhinged man giving you the same amused twisted smile.

Without hesitation a large hand sensually wraps around your throat and drags you up firmly to demanding lips.

Xavier’s kiss is domineering, possessive and utterly overwhelming. His soft lips draw out moans from you quickly enough but before you can actually start reciprocating, he sinks his teeth to your bottom lips causing you to draw back with a sudden wince. You’re wide eyed, disbelief written plainly on your face. Gentle soft Xavier has definitely left the building. In front of you is exactly the man you were hoping for.

“Since my little Star thinks I’m harsh and cruel” Xavier’s other free hand strokes down from your heaving chest, stopping briefly to squeeze dark hard nipples, this illicits a slightly pained but aroused whimper out of your lips. He answers that with a groan of pleasure, hooded sapphire eyes soaking up your half scared half aroused expression.

“I do love that look on your face Star, but I want you needy and whimpering on my dick, mind blank while I breed you in front of HIM” Xavier directs his cruel gaze at the cutout Lumiere board by the bed, beautiful face twisting again.

“let’s see if Lumiere can save you then? Hmm?” He looks back down at you, beneath long pale lashes the cruel gaze softens to something eager but perverse.

“Wait, Xavier, surely you know Lumiere-“ you can barely finish your sentence before he pulls you like a ragdoll and positions you on your stomach. While you don’t hate this, your heart is still thudding in your chest at how quickly “Dark Xavier” showed up and how intense this actually was. Much more intense than you imagined in fact. You didn’t know Xavier actually had it in him to be rough like this and actually have a breeding kink to boot or even say dirty stuff in bed so effortlessly?!

" My sweet little star, you shouldn't have said that name again" he slides both hands up your back and down, hands squeezing your plump ass and massaging deeply, causing you to moan helplessly.

"I was going to show some mercy tonight and let you come after all but now-" a hard smack lands on your left butt cheek causing you to jump and attempt to wriggle away but his firm hands holds you down and steady. He rubs over the stinging ass cheek soothingly, a whisper of Soft Xavier appearing again. 

You could swear there's a sweet smile on his lips as he says "but now I have to keep being harsh and cruel"

Xavier positioned you directly in front of the Lumiere cutout board, it seems very intentionally.

So this would be a ravaging, claiming in front of his alter ego Lumiere. Still moving you around like a ragdoll, both hands on your hips pull your ass up so you're in a collapsed doggy position. You tense as his hands slide down from your ass to your soaked lacy panty.

Another sharp intake of breath from him as his fingers slip past the fabric and press right against your swollen clit. "Ohhhh you're sopping wet princess" his voice is back to a low breathy moan. 

"So you do like me being harsh and cruel after all? Hmm?" Firm fingers rub your clit slowly, causing you to whimper and moan into the pillow. A finger slides lower, slipping into your pussy easily, another finger joins in, then another, all knuckles deep as he massages the spot he recently discovered drove you wild since you two started sleeping together two weeks ago.

You try to hide your moans as your mouth falls open and you rock back against the thick digits fucking you.

Gods Xavier knew just how to finger you and have your mind grow fuzzy. You feel that rush of an orgasm approaching and fuck you're almost there. You rock back against his scissoring fingers harder, panting, limbs trembling, eyes squeezing shut as you cream all over his hand. "Almost there", you choke out through gritted teeth.

"Oh? did I say you could cum Star?" Xavier's cold harsh voice by your ear and his swift withdrawal of his perfect fingers splashes cold water over the impending bliss.

"N-no p-please I was almost there!"  you cry out in dazed confusion. Your pussy clenches on air, you're left trembling and suddenly anger rushes through you, fogging your brain, causing your mouth to say the worst thing ever. You sit up on your knees and glare frostily at the still gently smiling Xavier next to you on the bed.

" Lumiere would've let me come" you snark,  victoriously waiting to see the anger on his face.

The room suddenly grows heavy in pressure and drops in temperature again. The still gentle smile is there on Xavier's soft lips, but it feels...condescending now.

"Lumiere... would make you cum? Is that so Princess?" Xavier asks gently in that low sensual voice of his, one eyebrow arched in mock surprise, a little chuckle follows the question.

You stare up at his sharp sapphire eyes and you feel that you made a deep mistake. Xavier's PISSED. Damn it! You curse your sharp reckless mouth and shuffle away from him in bed, attempting yet again to escape the consequences of your action.

You barely make it across the bed before Xavier has you pinned down beneath him swiftly, his firm hands clamping yours down over your head, you struggle beneath him, heart racing, attempting to buck him off of you, but he's immovable, straddling you. He'd always been very strong for someone that didn't have bulging muscles and didn't seem fond of working out. 

You feel that difference in physical strength now and while its overwhelming, you find that this...is actually turning you on.

Then you feel it, the heavy bulge through his thin grey sweatpants pressing against your groin, Xavier is raging hard and excited, there's a feverish look in his dark eyes now. His smile is smug, satisfied. "You're not going anywhere Star" he leans down over you to whisper, warm lips brushing over the shell of your ear, the soft warm tip of his tongue trails up your ear and you whimper because that's one of your weak spots, your ears are particularly sensitive.

"W-wait Xavier, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that!, I’m so sorry!" You moan out, attempting to move your overstimulated ear away from his sensual touch. But he's relentless, applying the right amount of lips and tongue and now teeth as he bites your ear lobe.

You cry out, racked by a tingly orgasm that takes you suddenly. It's almost embarrassing that you're coming just from this alone.

Xavier pulls away with a smirk to admire his handiwork, eyes drinking in your shivering panting form beneath him.

"Yeah, you shouldn't have, but you did" he let's go of one of your wrists to slide his hand down to your breasts that have fallen out of the flimsy lace bra that covered it moments ago.

He tugs on your tits, twisting one nipple gently and another harshly, wringing out pleading whimpers from your lips.

He lets go and reaches down to pull out his hard throbbing dick free from its confines. The head is a ruddy broad mushroom tip slick and drooling with precum, surprisingly thick and long for someone that doesn't look like he should have such a thing attached to him. 

You stare up at his lovely face tinged with red, greyish hair hanging over eyes hooded with deep arousal and his pink lips parted as he strokes his fat dick over you. The sound of his hand stroking that beautiful cock has you squirming underneath him, Gods you want it stretching your wet little pussy so bad right now.

"Xavier please, please fuck me" you beg shamelessly, eyes glued to his hand wrapped around that fat weeping dick. He let's go of your other wrist to slide the sopping wet lace panty to the side, adjusting his position so the head of his dick slides up through your folds to your throbbing clit, he teases you like this while you whine and attempt to move your hips so he can slip inside. He glares at you narrowing his eyes in disapproval.

A hard hand wraps around your throat again, not hard enough to stop you breathing but enough to warn you he needs you to behave.

"You'll take whatever I give you right Star?" He asks with that twisted cruel smile back on his innocent face. 

You nod desperately, at this point you'd agree to anything so long as you got his dick in you.

"There's a good girl, remember you said yes, Star" 

Without hesitation he spears through your little wet hole with his dick and you both groan at the sensation. You almost arch off the bed as you gasp for air at the sudden fullness. His dick is almost too much, too full and too deep already.

Xavier lets out a deep shuddering breath, his eyes are feverish and there's an unstable look to it now.

"Since you want to cum so badly, I'll fulfill your wishes" he murmurs almost to himself, he draws out his dick through your tight grip and snaps his hip forward harshly, jolting you up the bed, you shriek as he finds that pleasurable spot inside you and presses in on it relentlessly.

The sound of flesh against flesh and hard panting fills the room. Your eyes glaze over as Xavier fucks you damn near through the bed. You feel an orgasm fast approaching and you start begging "please let me come Xavierrr please please!" 

He lets out a hard short laugh, his hooded eyes glued to his cock plunging in and out of your tight wet pussy that won't let him go, his hand not wrapped around your throat whips out a vibrating bullet from Gods only knew where, pressing it against your slick swollen clit. There’s almost a sadistic light in his eyes now as he turns up the power. 

a hard shudder runs through you as you try to squirm away not expecting that kind of stimulation, but he's already on you, holding you down with his body, the bright light in his eyes feverish as he watches you break down into a screaming overstimulated mess on his thick ravaging dick.

"Can Lumiere fuck you into this brainless mess Princess?" He whispers over you, gaze now hard and heavy on your slack face.

You're shaking as another orgasm accompanies the first one.

A soft slap on your clit sends you over the edge to something so intense you actually...Squirt. The orgasm is white and blinding, you don't realize you're screaming until a hand is clamped over your mouth hard. 

" I don't want to hear you scream 'Gods' unless it's my name instead" Xavier sneers down at your face. He is relentless, still fucking you through this orgasm, setting an almost punishing pace, hitting your sweet spot repeatedly as you weakly attempt to buck him off of you. You didn’t know having an orgasm could be so unbearable. You crave it and fear it at the same time. Was this really Xavier dominating you so thoroughly?

"Fuck, your pussy is so greedy, Star, it doesn't want to let go, do you love my dick that much princess?" A ragged gasp greets your ears.

You can barely form a thought in your head, you feel like you’re floating out of your body, your mind is full of static and fuzzy. Xavier let's out another amused scoff down over you before shifting you closer to the Lumiere cutout board again.

This time he pulls up your legs, pressing it to your chest arranging you in an instense position that has his dick impossibly deeper. You faintly realize it's a mating press and a deep shiver runs through you. He was really planning on taking you like this, in front of his alter ego?! Dominating you completely like this?

"My little Star just tightened up? You really want me breeding you in front of your precious Lumiere?" Another condescending chuckle greets your ears.

His face is now closer to yours, his hand moves from your neck to your jaw. 

"Open up your mouth and stick out your tongue princess, let's french kiss" he whispers, a command he expects you to follow while gazing down at you as his dick starts slowly pounding through your slick achy little pussy.

This position has you breathless and mind still fuzzy. You can only mindlessly obey him, sticking out your tongue as he leans over to suck it into his hot mouth, kissing you hungrily almost sucking up all the air in your lungs.

Xavier’s dick picks up speed, fucking into you animalistically, without mercy.

He pants, pulling away to bite the side of your neck, it’s sends a pleasurable shiver through you.

" Fuck I want to fill you up with my cum Star, gonna give you a creampie" he grunts, breathing harsher as he nears his own orgasm. Sapphire eyes screwed shut.

Your pussy grips him hard, a tight wet muscle massaging his dick mindlessly ravaging you almost instinctually. 

"Your greedy pussy loves me doesn't it? You're trying to milk me already princess, such a sweet girl,"

You're creaming on his cock and start trying to squirm away, you feel another orgasm coming, this one threatens to cause a black out and you're instinctively terrified. 

"Please I can't take it, it's too much" you blubber out shaking underneath him.

" You can take it Star and you will, relax I'll get you through it, just be good and take all I give you, there’s a good girl. Just like that" Xavier grunts out, hips still pistoning faster. Dick pounding into your cunt.

" Now tell me who do you prefer? Me or Lumiere? Who's breeding this perfect -grunt- pussy right now?" 

You're shaking underneath him, weak, barely able to hang on as Xavier takes you hard, deep and rough in the mating press, his determination to own you almost terrifying.

"Answer me or you won't come for a long time Star" the steel is back in his voice again, hand back on your throat, not too hard but a domineering pressure and presence.

"Y-you Xavierrr, YOUU!!" you scream out and the orgasm hits the both of you at the same time.

You black out momentarily like you knew you would, head blank.

An animal like growl comes through Xavier as his dick shoots out ropes and ropes of his thick creamy cum deep into your womb. Your slut pussy mindlessly milks his still hard cock for more.

"Hahhh fucckkk good girl, your pussy is still gulping down my cum, my sweet Star is so perfect, you want more cum don't you princess?”, Xavier whispers into your ear, tongue licking away the salty tears slipping down your cheeks.

Your dazed fucked out face is still so arousing to Xavier and his dick refuses to go down. So he moves your limp body, belly down and mounts you, dick back in you, plugging up the cum that still seeps out anyway. It's another mating press. He really doesn't plan on showing you any mercy tonight.

You slowly come to with Xavier moaning and murmuring sweet words into your ears, dick still buried in your cunt. He's moving slowly now, deep slow fucking that has your breath quickening as Xavier uses your pussy without any signs of stopping, fucking you senseless.

" My sweet little Star feels too good, your pussy is so honest, it wants more doesn't it? You want my cum don't you princess? I'll fill you up soon enough,the only man allowed in here is me. That grip, such a greedy little hole, Star, just for me isn't it?" He pants, eyes glazed over as he ruts into you.

He picks up speed, hand now gripping your hair, pulling your head up off the pillow.

"Answer me, Just. For. Me. Isn't it?" Each word followed by a deep pounding that has you trying to run from his dick. You feel too good, too overstimulated, you don't think you can take another orgasm, it might just kill you.

"Yes Xavier, YES!!" You sob out, clawing at the rumpled bedsheets desperately. "Please I can't take another orgasm! Please no more, I can't do it!" You plead for mercy, tears in your eyes as you look back at Xavier pitifully, whimpering. 

Something in him snaps some more, that brainless/fucked out look on your face, the whimpering, the tears and the begging as if he's your whole world tips him to a sudden orgasm that has him rutting his dick in you harder like an animal, he cums so hard it's almost painful for him. 

The thick ropes of cum is milked out of him as you tighten your inner muscles causing him to double over and roar his release.

He collapses over you, a panting satisfied mess. Trying his best not to suffocate you, he rolls over to his side pulling you into his chest and cuddles you, soothing you, stroking a soft comforting hand down your soft silky skin. He showers you with soft placating kisses. It seems he accomplished his goal of teaching you a lesson.

You feel Xavier get up to go to the bathroom but you don't move your head to check, you're so exhausted you start sinking into deep sleep.

Xavier comes back with a warm damp washcloth and cleans you up, cuddles you again and rubs your back, whispering sweet praises into your neck. His hard glare at the Lumiere cutout board almost burns a hole through it in the dark bedroom.

You wake up mid afternoon to find Xavier staring at you with a loving look in his now actually calm soft sapphire eyes, he's sitting by the love seat sofa by your bed, flipping through a book he had been reading this past week.

You almost feel like everything that happened last night was a dream, but your achy body tells you it definitely wasn't, you might not be able to walk straight anytime soon it seems.

"You're up Star, umm I got some takeout I can warm up for you" Xavier gets up and approaches you, sitting on the bed and pulling off your head scarf he seemed to have put on you when you fell asleep, he caresses your soft cheek lovingly . Soft sweet Xavier is back, his voice is back to being lighter and carefree, eyes drinking you in possessively and sweetly.

“Ummm, did I scare you last night? Was I too rough on you?” Xavier worriedly asks, scratching at the back of his neck, smile sheepish.

“N-no. I actually enjoyed that Xavier, truly. I just didn’t think you’d be so…kinky” you mutter, feeling your face grow hot at his knowing smile. You look away, glad he can’t see your blush so easily. But your cute physical reactions are telling. He leans over to capture your face and kiss your cheeks and throat sweetly. “you’re so cute my star” he murmurs into your skin.

You sigh and collapse back against the pillow, you’re hungry as hell and still tired, you're gonna be in bed for a bit longer. You remind yourself that maybe trying to bring out Dark Xavier often isn't a good idea, maybe once in a while, last night was hot as hell, you've never cum so hard in your life and been scared to orgasm again. It’s just…you have a feeling you’d probably be orgasmed to near death if you kept provoking that side of him again too soon.

"I love you Xavier" you say smiling sweetly at him. You mean it and you want to reassure him he’s the only man for you.

His already sweet puppy like eyes soften impossibly, "I love you too Star" 

"You really are the most jealous man I know Xavier," you muse with a faint giggle.

Almost immediately something dark passes through Xavier's sweet eyes.

Uh Ohhhh…

"You...know other men?" He inquires, voice tense and now low but he still maintains his smile.

You roll your eyes up at the ceiling and sigh. Gods help you.

End.

Writer note: Welp here was the brainrot in my head for Dark Xavier. I’m still figuring out how to write this ml X You content. I don’t know if I’ll do these kind of writing again or stick to using my specific MC.

[ivys-garden]

Alright, I'm going to write my own thoughts down on the situation, sorry if this gets rambly

First of all, Shubble is so brave for speaking up, it's really hard for victims to speak up against there abusers in a public setting and she deserves all the respect in the world for it

That being said we do need to be mindful to give her space, this was a really traumatic thing for her and we all need to be mindful of that, give her room to breath.

On the same lines, don't go after other ccs for not ""releasing statements"", content creators aren't companies, there people. Don't get on at them for not publicly supporting Shubble, especially since there undoubtedly doing it in private, which is probably better than shoving it out there for millions of people to see. Let people support there friend in a way they and shubble are confortable with, if shubble wants them to say something or they think they need to say something themselves, they will say it.

It's like Pearl said, just because you don't see something happening publicly doesn't mean it isn't happening

Also, don't jump to call Tommy or Phil or Grian or anyone else enablers because they haven't said anything, they'll need time to process this too, it's hard to find out that your friend is a domestic abuser, let them process this in piece and don't try to cancel them over nothing like a fool. (People like Tommy will need time especially since Wilbur befriended them when they were young and by all accounts manipulated them too)

If anyone of these people have anything they feel they need to say they'll say it when there good and ready, good life tip folks:Don't Harass People. Especially if they have almost nothing to do with this (honestly Saw someone say they were going to go on to fucking RT about this despite him not knowing either person very well, the fuck)

I know why people do it, they want to make sure there favourite content creators aren't also bad, but they are people and they deserve respect, I can garentee you that almost no Qsmp or Hermitcraft or Other MCYT member who knew him stands with Wilbur

(Also if anyone brings Techno into this fuck right off let the man rest.)

Also, some brain dead morons are saying that people calling out wilbur are doing it for clout and that they should have done it sooner, but most of the abuse happened in private, and wilbur manipulated others, many wouldn't have realised anything was wrong and if they did its still better and more respectful to come forward after shubble since its HER story to tell.

(This attack also doesn't work anymore because we have things like tubbos stream, where he actively discourages his chat from treating him like a hero for speaking out, but yeah sure they all don't give a shit about shubble and just want to make themselves look better, fuck outta here)

Now, if your a former wilbur fan, let me make this super clear

DONT WATCH HIM AND DONT LISTEN TO HIS MUSIC

"BuT SePuRaTe ThE ArT FrOm ThE Arti-

Nah. That doesn't work here. You can separate a book or game or movie, you can't with a cc. Its there face, there voice, there personality. Find a different band, find a different CC to watch. There are other options, I know it sucks to find out someone you like did an awful thing,but that doesn't mean we should support those people for our sakes, especially when people were actively hurt by there actions. Trust me everyone, this will get better, things will go back to how they were before

Finally, this should go without saying, Fuck William Gold to the core of teh fucking earth. And any who still support him.

He is a raging egotistical manipulator and abuser. don't blame people for not seeing it sooner, no one can do that. What we can do though is blame people who still wholeheartedly support him and his actions.

He has not "changed" nor will he ever at the rate at which he's going. He's still a egomaniac who's more concerned with saving his image than actually apologising for his actions, even then an apology wouldn't fix all he's done,it would just be closer and a jumping off point to be better, but he can't even fucking do that.

If wilbur does reflect and grow, good on him, but if he doesn't then I can say with absolute certainty we wouldn't fucking miss him.

Fuck Wilbur. Support Shelbym

[maskedemerald]

Weaving Webs CH1

It is time for @invisobang ! I wrote a fic and the wonderful @pricklenettle did some fantastic art that you'll see embedded through out the fic!

You can check out the fic here or on AO3!

If you like this consider dropping us both a follow!

Warnings: Body horror, manipulation, Spectra is her own content warning, Burns, Spider - for like 2 chapters then it goes away.

The Fenton parents were there when the accident happened, they saw Danny die in an act of sabotage. Now they’re just trying to go on with the strange ghost that is all that's left of Danny. While their old college friend is wondering where the subjects of his revenge are.

[Next]

Chapter One - The Accident

The metal panel came free with a few plinks of screws onto the floor making Danny cringe. He knew he’d be the one scrounging around on the floor looking for them later. His Dad grinned not at all phased by the extra work he was creating. Danny leaned over to look and was fairly certain on catching sight of the tangled mess of cables that this was his Dad’s work.

“Alright Danno, I need you to get your small hands in there. Diagnostics say some of the wires didn’t get plugged in right,” he explained with a little chuckle at his own mistake, “I’d fix it but now the paneling’s on I don’t fit.”

“Got it, know which ones?” Danny asked, eyeing the mess.

“Nope, some of the red ones? Some of the greens too. Just give them all a little extra push!” His Dad said before bounding off out of the portal frame to work on some other part of it.

Danny sighed and rolled his eyes, typical Dad. He used a finger to pull aside a bunch of wires to see the circuit board behind but the wires pulled others and obscured it. He huffed a little, the visor of his white hazmat suit fogging up a little before it faded. He was going to have to fix the cable management if he was going to make any progress.

As Danny picked his way through the tangled chaos of unlabeled cables he couldn’t help but be reminded of a spider web. Every few moves of his hand he had to untangle himself Just to get another wire out of the tangle and neatly with the others of its colour. He had to hope that the colours had some kind of system. Even if they didn’t at least they’d be able to see the board.

“Jack? Did you change this setting?” he heard from out in the lab.

“Um nope, well maybe,” he could almost hear his Dad’s awkward shrug.

There was the clacking of keys, “that’s a bit odd.”

“Huummm, maybe if we change that bit. That should get it, right?”

A spark darted from the connected wire as he disconnected it from the board and he swiftly pulled back his hands. Even with the hazmat he wasn't going to risk it. It might not be the vibrant colours of his parents’ ones but that didn’t mean it was more professionally made. His Dad made each of them by hand. Said they needed a bit more oomph to deal with ectoplasm. He wasn’t sure how effective it would really be.

“Mom? The powers on!” He called out to them.

It wasn't meant to be. His dad had said it was off. Either he forgot, not impossible. Or something was wrong with the power system. If that was the case they'd have to shut it all down. It would be months more work before they'd be ready. Danny couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed at that thought. He didn’t believe it would really work but he wanted it to. Wanted it for his parents. Wanted it for the hours he'd poured in as a way to learn engineering.

“What? No it’s not,” his Mom replied confused, “none of the systems are reporting that.”

“I unplugged it, I definitely unplugged it. Where’s that cable?” His Dad insisted.

“What the… Danny! Move now!” His Mom yelled.

Danny startled and backed away from the panel. There was a high pitched whine building behind him. He scrambled forward, his heavy bulky hazmat boots catching on themselves and every cable. There was a loud hiss and the safety shield started to descend. The power wasn’t just on, the portal was activating.

“Shit, no, not yet,” his Mom cursed, her hands practically slamming across the keys, “Jack pull the emergency breaker!”

“On it!”

He stumbled trying to crouch enough to pass under the descending shield. His head bounced in the helmet as he hit the floor. He winced and his head spun. It took a moment too long for him to get his bearings and start moving. He crawled as fast as he could, racing against the descending shield. He pulled back his hand just as the shield descended, the tips of his glove caught between reinforced glass and the metal tiled floor. He pulled it free with some effort, the fingers tearing.

“Breaker’s not stopping it Mads!”

Danny pulled himself up leaning against the glass. He flinched back as his Dad slammed the Fenton Anti Creep Stick into the reinforced glass with an echoing bang. His Mom was at the console frantically trying to get control of the machine.

He could feel a tingle as the charge in the air increased, his hair standing on end. An ominous warning that the Hazmat was no longer sealed. Electric sparks darted from metal surface to metal surface. The growing green glow that was building behind him reflected in the safety glass that trapped him there. The air grew a strange hot cold. There was a crackle like lightning and then he was engulfed in burning cold green.

[Next]

[starleska]

HI ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED W YOUR RECENT WALLY HCS😢😭😭😭 need more If you're still taking writing requests, could you do some jealous Wally headcanons?🤭🤭🤭 he just seems like the type to be a yandere that’s obsessed w you

eeee thank you very much lovely anon!!! 🙈💖💖💖 writing these Wally headcanons is so fun!!! and ohohoho, i most certainly can. buckle up 😉 content warnings for jealous, manipulative, borderline abusive behaviour including stalking, as well as Eldritch powers and hypnosis. this is for the yandere!Wally fans! :3c

Jealous!Wally Darling x Reader headcanons

🍎 Wally's jealousy isn't overt, but he can't fool you. at first you thought it must all be in your head; that warm smile of Wally's becoming static, frozen, when aimed at your new friend who is taking up a little more of your time today than usual. yet the more time you spend with this friend, the more you find Wally's pleasant façade slipping. there's an unnerving edge to his voice when he asks, "Did you have a good time?", and his usual stimming - taps and touches with a charming, unrhythmic musicality - now sound like harsh, stinging slaps. you try to reassure Wally that you aren't replacing him, but Wally laughs a little too loud, and pretends like nothing is wrong. "I don't mind!" says Wally. "After all: I know that you're my best friend."

🍎 when Wally's jealousy increases, he takes more extreme measures - by defacing your image. you come home one day after a lovely outing with your new pal, happy but exhausted. you make your way to your bedroom, but are horrified to find the place in shambles. your drawers have been yanked out and overturned, and sheaves of paper scatter the floor like a tornado just cleaved through your window. shaking, you pick up a piece of paper...only to find it's a photograph of you and your friend, taken from a distance and without your knowledge. the photograph is scribbled over with a violent scrawl of red crayon. panicked, you pick through the other photographs, and find that every single one is ruined: angry art-marks slashing through your smiling faces. you're frightened and angry, and you go straight to Wally's Home to confront him, clutching fistfuls of photographs and trembling with the adrenaline. yet Wally looks lazily over the photos, his eyes betraying nothing. "I don't know why someone would do this," says Wally. "But whoever did sure seems to care about you."

🍎 although you try to distance yourself from Wally after that, he doesn't take well to being abandoned. one morning you're just stepping over the threshold of your home, ready to meet your friend - when you lock eyes with Wally. he's standing a short distance away, with his arms tucked politely behind his back. "Going somewhere?" Wally asks. as he does, his pupils balloon, and his eyelids peel back to reveal the full extent of his scleras. a sick wave of vertigo crashes into you, and you have to grab the doorframe to keep your balance. "No...I don't think so," you say, your voice coming out weak. "That's good," says Wally. he moves towards you, and as he gets closer, a crackling, ringing static builds on the inside of your skull, getting louder with every soft step of Wally's shoes on the grass. your brain swims through a new, impossibly dense fog, and your knees nearly give out. Wally - when did he appear at your side? - slips a hand around your waist, and guides you gently away from the sunlight and back into your living room. "I think we should spend more time together," says Wally, in a way which is not a suggestion. you find yourself nodding. of course you should. Wally's your best friend...isn't he? always fun to write a darker side to Wally - i hope you like this one 🥰

[tavyliasin]

Villain-Fucker Angst Hours

Good timezone, darlings~ Are you ready to get all up in your feelings? No? Me neither, loves, but here we are regardless so the words are going to flow as they usually do... This is focused on Raphael from Baldur's Gate 3 and his fandom, but the latter section can easily apply to any villain fandom.

Self-Analysis of Devil-Fuckery, Or Why Do I Adore Raphael When He Is Very Obviously Evil: A Short Essay by TavyliaSin (Who Still Cannot Name Anything With Less Than A Full Paragraph) ((NSFW)) (((Game Spoilers)))

The following may discuss heavier topics, but without specifics, so whilst it should be safe for most to read without triggering any difficult memories please be aware of Raphael's entire vibes, the content and context of his story, and I'd also like to mention that this isn't a "woe be us for we are terrible people" piece, it's actually more about:

"There is an inherent kindness and warmth to much of the Raphael fandom, and I think there could be some common threads behind that, pulling us all in closer in a comforting blanket that we wrap around each other to keep out the cold of the world."

So, what in the nine hells am I on about? Well. Raphael-fandom is a wild and wonderful place to be. The rest is in sections, so feel free to skip through to what you feel is relevant to your interests. I am so prone to waffle I should open a restaurant~

Who Are Fans Of Raphael? What Do They Want?

We are feral, unhinged, all sheets to the wind "I want that devil man, carnally, and there is no force in all the planes that could stop me". There's the vanilla to the extreme and every level in between, tops, bottoms, versatiles, Doms, subs, and switches - there are a whole lot of people who would love to get their hands on either (or both) of Raphael's forms, for a simple smooch or something far more spicy~ [edited in] To add on to this, not all of us even desire him in a sexual way, for many it is romantic, soft, or even just the rather pleasant thought of spending an evening with drinks by the hellfire because he would be fascinating company. Aces, Aros, and AroAces may all find themselves well within the devilish corners of fandom too~ which is a whole other essay~ [end edit] So, I see you. I'm one of you. Extremely loud and utterly hingeless in my fan appreciation for Raphael. He's one of my favourites to write about, I seek art of him, and the same goes for his mirrored other half, Haarlep, who I arguably love more despite there being far less content of them in the game.

And the Fandom? The Vibe?

From my experience in the Raphael Fandom areas, we have a very deep and abiding understanding of consent, respect, and treating each other with an absolute and uncompromising kindness. We've had talks about keeping each other safe in fandom, exchanged details of people we have encountered who need to be avoided, even shared details between moderators of different fandom servers to pre-ban people proven to be creeps and/or art thieves. We've also discussed consent, including the issues with it in the game, and how areas of the story can only really be considered dubious at best and could easily be triggering for people. And these discussions have been open, honest, fair, and with the acknowledgement that most of us love these scenes anyway. So there's a sense of care that runs through everything, behind the horny-posting and fan content, behind the endless thirsting after our favourite fictional characters. We have a depth of kindness that warms my sinners soul every time I see it.

What Does This Have To Do With Self-Reflection, Raphael, or Villainy In General?

Well let's look at Raphael. He's a villain, obviously. He's manipulative, devious, and inherently evil by his very nature. He keeps Hope chained in his basement, constantly subjected to endless torture. There's also mention of how Gortash was sold into his service at a young age, clearly not an enjoyable experience given the other details and how things turn out (particularly as Raphael would need Gortash's own plans to fail entirely in order for him to succeed in his own and get that crown). And as fans, we accept that. We don't sit making excuses, or trying to say "well actually Gortash is a little shit and Hope probably deserve it", and we don't shy away from or conveniently ignore those darker sides of him with malicious intent to enable more evil to flourish. What I noticed, when I allowed the thoughts to continue, is that there is a theme here.

If Evil Can Be Loved Then So Can I

That's the core. Of course, darlings, I am not claiming to be a heinous monster. I certainly do not have a laundry list of crimes that would make the devil himself say "Uh, that's a bit much." But I sure as fuck treat myself like I do sometimes. You see, I think a lot of us have that tendency, to judge ourselves far more harshly than anyone else. Our patience, understanding, and forgiveness for others runs deeper than the Mariana Trench, but when it comes to our own flaws? One minor mistake and we think ourselves to be the worst beings ever to disgrace the earth. Thus, the villainy we see reflects how we are treating ourselves. So by loving and accepting all of those things that should be terrible, hated, we are actually learning that no matter how poorly we think of ourselves that we can be worthy of that same love and acceptance. We are extending the affection we are unable to show ourselves to someone we see the worst parts of ourselves amplified within. And that's why villains attract the people with the most kindness. The most forgiveness. Because it takes someone with a truly huge amount of empathy to find love for the embodiment of evil.

Or, IDK, maybe villains are just hot and we're too far down to care.

But wait, before you go!

THERE'S SOMETHING WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT.

All of this is about FICTION. We should never be accepting of the kinds of evil we see in the game irl. We do not owe anyone kindness if they do not show it to us.

What is hot in fiction is not always OK IRL.

Look after yourselves out there, remember that consent is key in all things, and please do try to learn to love yourselves, darlings, you are worthy of it and you should judge yourself by the same standard you judge others. If you are in doubt, if you are worried, if you feel afraid - reach out, talk to someone. There are many who will listen.

Treat yourself as you would treat a friend. You deserve that much.

Oh, and all Raphael fans who understand kindness are welcome around me, any hour of the day, I adore our little fandom circles and would gladly collect all of us together. I'm following a lot of you as soon as I find you, like hunting shiny pokemon~

See you in Avernus, my darling Little Mice, may we all find joy in the Cambion's Embrace~

[welivetodream]

✨ My BSD hot takes/unpopular opinions ✨:

1. Identifying BSD characters as Queer, is not problematic. STOP being so Heteronormative. Gay characters are not gonna kill you.

If I see another "BuT tHe ChArAcTeRs nEvEr SaId tHeY aRe GaY" I would bomb you 💣/j

2. Skk/SSKK/Fyolai/other popular ships, exist because people like it. If you don't ship them, don't engage with their content. Not all shippers act crazy and toxic. Stop blaming everything on shippers.

3. Atsushi/Kyouka is problematic, stop justifying it with "only 4 year age gap". Kyouka is a CHILD, ship her with Kenji if you want. Atsushi, like a normal 18 year old would never look at a highschool freshman and date her. Even if they date in the future, he knew her when she was younger and they had a sibling like dynamic. Lucy is a way better love interest to Atsushi (Don't know if this is an unpopular opinion tho, but I saw some people justifying it 😐😐😐)

4. DAZAI IS NOT EVIL. HE IS FAR FROM EVIL. He is, despite being super popular and the face of BSD, the most mischaracterized and villified character. Morally grey characters exist??!!!

5. Mori is a way worse person than Dazai ever was.

6. PM members get a free pass for any heinous crime they commit by being hot or babygirl-ified (still love them tho, we do not often discuss how bad their actions have been, you can like criminals and acknowledge they are criminals in fiction. I would add DoA to this too, but it's worse with the PM)

7. Akutagawa's abuse of Kyouka shouldn't be forgotten just because Dazai abused Akutagawa.

8. Mori emotionally manipulated and abused Dazai when he was a teen. Just because it wasn't physical, doesn't mean it was nothing.

9. Atsushi is NOT a soft boy, he is way bitter, salty and sarcastic than we give him credit

10. Poe is important to Ranpo and their friendship/relationship is wholesome as hell

11. Ranpo and Yosano's friendship is way better than them being in a relationship in the future

12. FukuFuku is better than Fukumori (imo!!!!)

13. Buying real authors work after watching BSD is actually a really good thing, since more Gen z kids (or other people) will read classics

14. There are layers to Atsushi and Akutagawa relationship/rivalry, and they have the MOST important relationship (not meaning romantic, just in general) in the entire canon.

15. Kunikida and Yosano could be a power couple

16. Fyodor is not a great villain (yet)

17. Nikolai CARRIES the DoA

18. Sigma shouldn't be in the ADA, he needs a happy home, family and some time to adjust to normal life

19. Q and Elise are both underused characters and could become a great dynamic

20. Ango deserves more love, the amount of pressure and stress he deals with is INSANE

21. It's OKAY if everyone joins the fandom for Dazai or skk (I did at first too!!)

22. Higuchi is annoying as hell. I do not get her hype, I like her but not as much as most people (just personal opinion, do not flame me 😭)

23. Everyone in The Guild is forgettable or boring (except Fitzgerald, Poe and Lucy. I like Louisa, but I forget her all the time)

24. Hetero ships are just not that great/interesting in BSD to me 🤷🏻‍♀️ (except maybe AtsuLucy or rare pairs) and female characters are not best utilised, I wish they play more major roles (can't wait for Agatha to arrive!!)

25. Some fan theories/arts get the story better than "canon" stuff at times. Fanon is NOT always the worst (sometimes enjoyable when the canon gets too dark or sad)

26. Toxic ships are okay in fiction as long as they are legal. Humans like toxic things, we consume it like junk food 💅🏻

(These are all personal opinions of mine and do not matter. Feel free to disagree. But, do not hate or be toxic!!!! 😇😇😇😇)

(PS: I compiled all these because of posts I have seen in, Reddit, Pinterest, Twitter and sometimes Tiktok. These aren't really abt you Tumblr folks. I meant to post this on reddit but did not have the courage or mental strength lol)

[reaper2187]

Asami sato x firebender reader

I still remember the first time I saw her.

It was during one of my training sessions, when I was still a young firebender trying to master my abilities. As I practiced, I couldn't help but notice her, standing at the back of the room, her long dark hair tied up in a ponytail and a confident aura surrounding her. I was instantly captivated by her beauty and strength.

Asami Sato, the heiress of Future Industries, was well known among the benders community. Her business empire was built on groundbreaking technology and innovation, and she was also an accomplished non-bender martial artist. Her reputation preceded her, and many firebenders admired her from afar.

But I was not content with merely admiring her from a distance. I wanted to get to know her, to be a part of her world. And so, I mustered up all my courage and approached her after the training session.

To my surprise, not only did she reciprocate my interest, but she also offered to help me improve my firebending skills. Asami could see the potential in me, and she was more than willing to mentor me.

With her guidance, my skills as a firebender improved tremendously. I was able to control and manipulate flames with ease, creating intricate shapes and patterns with my fire. Asami was patient and understanding, never once losing her cool even when I struggled with a particular technique.

As we spent more time together, we grew closer. We shared stories and experiences, and I learned that Asami was more than just a powerful businesswoman. She had a kind heart and a fierce determination to make the world a better place.

I found myself falling deeper in love with her with each passing day. Her strength and grace were irresistible, and I felt grateful to have her by my side.

But we both knew that our love was forbidden. As a firebender, I was expected to marry within my own kind. And Asami, being the heiress of Future Industries, was constantly watched and scrutinized by her father and the public.

However, our love was stronger than any societal expectations. We decided to keep our relationship a secret, knowing that the consequences could be dire if anyone found out.

Despite the risks, we were happy. We sneaked away to spend time together whenever we could, whether it was on a rooftop under the stars or in a secluded area of the city. Asami even started to join me during my training sessions, bringing along her latest invention to assist me in my training.

Our love blossomed, and I felt like I was living in a dream. But as they say, all good things must come to an end.

One day, while we were enjoying a peaceful moment in a garden, we were ambushed by a group of firebenders who were against any kind of relationship between a firebender and a non-bender. Asami and I fought against them, our bending skills meshing together perfectly as we defended ourselves.

But it was no use. They outnumbered us, and just when I thought the end was near, Asami stepped in front of me, using her martial arts skills to fend off our attackers. However, in the chaos of the battle, she sustained a severe injury, and I was too preoccupied with protecting her to notice.

When the attackers were finally defeated, I rushed to Asami's side, my heart sinking as I saw the blood seeping through her clothes. With tears in my eyes, I tried to heal her injuries with my firebending, but it was no use. Her injuries were too severe, and she needed medical attention immediately.

Without hesitation, I scooped her up in my arms and rushed her to the nearest hospital. As her life hung in the balance, I prayed to the spirits, begging them to spare her life. I couldn't imagine a world without Asami by my side.

After what seemed like an eternity, she finally regained consciousness. She looked at me with a weak smile, and I knew at that moment that she was going to be okay.

Asami's father, Hiroshi Sato, arrived at the hospital soon after. He was shocked and angry to find out about our forbidden love, but as he saw the love and care I had for his daughter, his heart softened. He gave us his blessing and even offered to help us keep our relationship a secret.

From that day on, Asami and I were no longer just two people in love. We were a team, facing any challenges that came our way, together.

Asami and I eventually got married, and we continued to train and support each other in our respective abilities. Together, we used our skills and resources to make a difference in the world, just like we always dreamed of.

Looking back now, I realize that our love was the catalyst for great change. Our love had the power to overcome any boundaries and obstacles, setting an example for others to follow.

And as I stand here, beside my wife Asami, I couldn't be more grateful for our love that started in a training room. It was a love that transformed not only our lives, but the world around us.

[jbk405]

I think I've found one of the key reasons why I prefer the old Expanded Universe to the current Star Wars content: Unique types of villains.

More specifically, people who weren't just Evil Force Users With Long Robes And Red Lightsabers. While there were always a few Darth Vader-clones that popped up to fill up space, so many of the Arc Villains were distinct not just in personality, but also how they were dangerous.

Grand Admiral Thrawn was a military tactician, which wasn't the point of any of the main villains in the Original Trilogy. Grand Moff Tarkin was a "Build a bigger superweapon and bludgeon the galaxy into submission" kind of villain, and Vader and the Emperor were mystical dark wizards. This isn't a complaint or criticism, but just pointing out that military tactics were never on display in the films since that wasn't the type of story they were telling. But Thrawn didn't have prophetic powers or Destiny, he had to analyze and plan around what he could learn about his adversaries. It's a different type of fight than Literal Magic. In the original Thrawn Trilogy, Captain Pellaeon frequently internally narrates how different Thrawn's style of leadership was to either Vader or the Emperor (Even if his art-analysis did verge on magic by itself).

Ysanne Isard was a political and/or espionage manipulator, which was even less a point of the Original Trilogy than military tactics were. She took advantage of the realities of actually needing to build a nation out of an underground military movement. With all of the dirty gutter politics, self-serving agendas, and logistics that doom so many revolutionary movements. I'm not as big a fan of her arc as I was when I was younger (I re-read the Rogue Squadron novels a few years ago and the writing quality is not as good as I remember, and Isard's plans frankly don't hold a lot of water), but the concept is still fantastic.

Warlord Zsinj on the surface seems like a merger of Thrawn and Isard -- he's a military commander who specializes in espionage -- but he also has a big focus that neither of them demonstrated: Business. While he still blows stuff up with his giant space ships and is sowing dissent through brainwashing and spycraft, he's simultaneously establishing a galaxy-wide network of completely-legitimate commercial businesses that he owns through untraceable pseudonyms. They fund his campaigns, give him influence on planets outside of his direct control, and allow him to control resources without any of his adversaries even being aware of it.

Even one-shot enemies like the Ssi-ruuk were so unique: They're invading the galaxy because their technology is powered by living souls and they want to harvest all life in the galaxy. That's messed up, and so distinct from the general "Take over the world" motivation of the Empire.

But as time went on, more and more of the enemies were just "Darth Vader Again". Another Jedi who fell to the Dark Side, or another long-lost schism of the Sith who rediscovered mainstream galactic society, or some other thing that is eventually resolved by a one-on-one lightsaber duel and a personal grudge against the Skywalker or Solo families. It definitely felt like they were out of ideas and kept running through the same villains over and over again.

This kicked into high gear after the Prequels came out, and continued in the new continuity after the EU was rebranded as "Legends".

I wish we could go back to the idea that there could be an enemy who wasn't super powerful in the force and consumed by Hatred Of The Jedi. With their own skills, their own methods, and something that makes them more than just another wannabe-Sauron. Pirates who are just pirates, marauding ex-Imperial Warlords who are just marauding ex-Imperial Warlords, and corrupt politicians who are just corrupt politicians, instead of revealing that Palpatine returned (somehow) all over again.

[bluetrekker12]

If you want to read a lot of waffle about season 4 of FAM written by a Margo x Sergei obsessive you’re in luck, because I have an evening to myself and lots of thoughts. (I know all of this is obvious, I think I just needed to write it down.)

Here we go - Irina is a great character. I mean, she’s a master manipulator and I loathe her, but a great foil for Margo this year. It’s really interesting that she’s coming back in S5, because it seems like at the end of the season she’s on the outs. I wonder if they had a rethink because of the way she worked out?

ALEIDA and BILL: I love the way the time jumps give extra weight to the relationships on this show (and more space for headcanon). It’s always thrilling to see characters again to see where they’ve ended up. Anyway, I love this whole scene and it’s really interesting that Aleida is still inclined to somewhat stick up for Margo at this point (though not when they come face to face). Also, it’s telling that Bill thinks Aleida should be NASA director and wonder if he’s kind of a proxy for the audience or something, because it feels like that’s maybe the natural conclusion for Aleida??

When Irina and Margo arrive at Star City, and Irina says “I’ve known you for a long time, Margo” it’s a bit sinister, but with hindsight it’s creepy AF. You have to assume she’s listened to all of the phone calls between Margo and Sergei over the years. And most likely she was listening in (if not watching) when Margo asked Sergei to kiss her. And of course she knows exactly how vital work is to Margo, and how it’s the ultimate lever to manipulate her with.

The poem 😭 well done FAM on finding the most Margo x Sergei coded art this year. The poem and “ That’s all it Took” could have been written for them. Is this all Irina playing the long game to get to Sergei? I wonder if, after London, when he stopped cooperating Irina took it as a personal affront?

Leningrad is gold. Margo looking for Aleida on the cameras, my heart. God love the fact Margo must have snacks to operate fully at all times. I love the call back to “work the problem”, that whole scene with Eli, Aleida, Irina and Margo is so great.

“I know what I did in the past and why I did it”. This is a great line and then the following scene with Aleida is just wonderful. The hug! Margo’s face - I’m sure she never imagined the reunion starting this way. Margo talks about regrets, but earlier in the scene she seems comfortable with the choices she’s made, despite the outcome. I don’t think she ever regretted saving Sergei, just that there wasn’t a way to also save herself. Hands down this is one of the best scenes in the whole 4 seasons.

(Aside - killing Emma was really brutal)

Sergei 😍 what a fucking sequence that is. It’s just brilliant, the perfect choice of song, the morning routine and his face when he sees Margo on the tv. You can tell he’s been safe and content, but that’s not the same as happy and the joy when he turns right and heads to Margo is palpable. (Poor Muriel though, wonder what happened to her.)

The Sergei and Aleida discussion, oh the tears in his eyes and such an absolutely crucial scene. The Margo x Sergei reunion is such a mirror of their goodbye scene in 3x07 where she stops him from getting any closer when he steps forward. However the first thing she says is “This can’t happen, Sergei” like she knows even 8 years later that he’s not here just to say hello 😂

Aleida as the go between is interesting cos I guess that means she’s been meeting with Sergei to pass notes, or at least speaking regularly. I love the idea of them getting to know each other.

The CD, he’s so cute. I actually can’t find the words for the rest of the scene. It’s priceless. No character has ever loved more than Sergei loves Margo.

And now pain 😭 she’s listening to the cd, they’re eating the same meal, she’s looking at Brazil. I watched this with my husband and I knew what was coming but he didn’t. Just before the shot I remember he quietly said ‘bang’. You just fucking knew and I hate it.

Episode 10 - more pain yay! I love when Margo tells Aleida that she needs to tell Sergei to leave Houston and Aleida just looks at her and says “He’s not going to listen”. Like she knows what this relationship is now, she knows he would never go.

The rest is just a Wrenn masterclass, like the whole season is. “Don’t fucking handle me” I hate Irina so much in this scene omg her smug face. (Also the implication that if you’ve met Sergei you could never wish him harm *true*)

If the first hug between Aleida and Margo in Leningrad is instinct, the second is deliberate and brings tears to my eyes. Sergei built that bridge.

[gatheredfates]

Happy weekend, all! 🦇 I'll probably do one more spooky update next week to round it out and then we'll be back to normal Compendium updates! I miss the spooky season already. 🎃

This is also a final plug for SEAFLOOR Saints Wake Gpose Challenge for anyone who might be interested! All works are reblogged to SEAFLOOR as well as queued on my blog. 🍬

If you know of anything I have missed, please reach out to me via my Discord or the Google Form.

Without further adeb, the following communities have been added to Sea's Community Compendium for XIV Creatives. 👻

COMMUNITY FOCUSED / EVENT SPACES

The Kwehnnedy Center—The Kwehnnedy Center for the Performing Arts gives performers a venue to showcase themselves and audiences access to some of the finest shows Eorzea has to offer.

MISC

Beginner's Guide to Gposing with Anamnesis/Ktisis—An entry-level walkthrough of how to download posing programs, load actors, edit character appearances, and manipulate poses in gpose. Written by @lilbittymonster.

CHANGELOG

Etheirys has been removed from the Large Scale Communities at the request of its owner due to imminent shutdown.

FFXIV Roleplay (Tumblr) has been removed at the request of its owner due to imminent shutdown.

If you'd like a FFXIV-based forum/communityto join, I would suggest Final Fantasy XIV Roleplay at this time!

The Google Form contained the outdated categories for Compendium sorting. This has been updated.

Have you thought about joining our Tumblr Community? You can find it here!

Want to submit? You can either fill out the google form here or send me an ask with the relevant information!

Is my space suitable for the Compendium? Most of the time, yes! Below the read more is some more information/stipulations. This is all publicly available on the document. 🐈‍⬛

Below are the following things I do not accept on the Compendium:

Personal/Single-Character LFC ads. (Though these get posted to the SEAFLOOR Tumblr Community when I find them!)

Content intended for or can be used for bullying, harassment and OOC gossip. E.g. ‘Secrets’ blogs, receipts, callout posts, etc. This does not include IC tabloid blogs or other ventures used to generate roleplay.

Communities that do not have an RP/writing element (large-scale exempt).

Anything I find personally distasteful or goes against the spirit of this project.

Common-sense rule applies.

I want to put my community on the Compendium but we have an application process. Is this okay?

Yes! Just note somewhere in your application that's a requirement. The only thing that is mandatory for the Compendium is that you must be open to new members or have a public-facing/accessible facet. There's no point advertising a community if no one can join it in some way!

I want to put my Community on the compendium but I only have x number of members —

Also totally okay! People don't start with large communities. Activity is a must but, whether your server has two or two thousand members, if you're looking for new people to join, I'd love to help you find people.

I want to put my community/resource on the Compendium but I worry its too niche?

Okay, and? If your Eorzean Fishing Alliance has four members but you roleplay every second weekend, I still want to know about it. The same goes for resources; if it's relevant to the game, it'll be useful to someone.

How active does a community need to be?

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[maskedemerald]

Weaving Webs CH4

Here is chapter four for Invisobang ! The wonderful @pricklenettle did some fantastic art that you'll see embedded through out the fic! We get some more creepy Danny art this chapter! And I love the little details on the fridge!

You can check out the fic here or on AO3!

If you like this consider dropping us both a follow!

Warnings: Body horror, manipulation, Spectra is her own content warning, Burns, Spider - for like 2 chapters then it goes away.

The Fenton parents were there when the accident happened, they saw Danny die in an act of sabotage. Now they’re just trying to go on with the strange ghost that is all that's left of Danny. While their old college friend is wondering where the subjects of his revenge are.

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Chapter Four

The lab was dim, an electric twilight. The lights blared overhead as they usually would but her eyes were too over compensated. Something bright, like looking at the sun burned in her vision. Her ears rang with screams. She couldn’t move. Shadowy, skeletal hands gripped her feet. Her face. His hand. Scraping her skin with rough burnt skin. Forcing her to watch. Unable to stop it. Those cold hands held her arms as she tried to fight free.

You don’t get to look away.

It’s your fault, you let him go in.

This is all because of you.

A sharp chill deeper than the cold hands drew a violent shiver. Like an ice bath. Colder.

Maddie jerked awake, that chilling feeling still in her spine despite being awake. She stared up at the ceiling trying not to think. The waking world wasn’t much better than that nightmare after all. She frowned, noticing that it was much lighter than she had thought. Later in the morning than she had thought. She sighed knowing that she wouldn’t get back to sleep now and started to push herself up.

There was a soft white glow at the foot of the bed. Its legs were gone, blended into a tail that twisted round itself to curl up. The tattered sleeve and skeletal arm exposed. The bony fingers stretched out towards her. She shifted just a bit too much of the blanket as she tried to escape the bed unnoticed. Danny’s ghost lifted a tilted head. She froze for a moment but it didn’t lunge.

It followed her throughout the house, keeping to shadows or perching on high locations. Like the top of the fridge where it had settled during breakfast. Jazz kept glancing in its direction and left quickly the moment she could. Her breakfast, only half finished.

It appeared to once again fall asleep there. She watched it. It didn’t make sense, ghosts didn’t need sleep. Or at least none of the research said they did. Maybe it was wrong. Maybe this was a feature of newer ghosts. Would it sleep less the longer it was… dead? Would anything else change over time? Was it only a matter of time before it became malevolent like the research said?

Research… research said that this shouldn’t have happened. The portal shouldn’t have turned on. They had worked hard to make sure there wouldn’t be another accident. Not after Vlad. She had to know why? Why did this happen? Why was Danny…? Was it their fault? Had they made this mistake?

She glanced to the lab door in the corner. She didn’t want to face it but she had to. Had to know why. Her hand hovered shakily over the handle. The ghost shuffled in its place on the fridge. A high pitched whine. A constant reminder of what happened. A reminder she couldn’t escape. A question that would quite literally haunt her forever if she didn’t find an answer. She took a deep breath and turned the handle.

The descent into the lab was a slow one. Each step felt massive and the bottom still shadowed in the darkness they had left it in on the day of the incident. The lights flickered on weakly, revealing the scattered chaos that had been them trying to save Danny.

She crossed to the console, that was where part of the problem was. The only part she could access. The only place she could get answers from. The portal frame itself was inaccessible behind the swirling green of their window into the ghost zone. The death trap that had killed Danny. The swirls played tricks on her tired mind, the silhouette of a mass of something beyond the portal. A shape close to the floor. Even if it was really there she didn’t want to see. The horror of a mangled, incinerated body that her mind supplied was bad enough. She couldn’t handle the real thing.

The console reported back that the portal was active. It understood that. It wasn’t a bool issue in the code. Something reporting false when it should have said true stopping her from turning off the machine it didn’t think was on. It knew it was on. That meant the emergency controls were the problem. She poured over the code trying to find the control error. A mistyped variable or something. Anything that would explain what happened.

What she found was worse. Or maybe better, if only because it meant it wasn’t them. They hadn’t caused this. There was an override coded into the emergency shutdown. An override that linked back to a start-up sequence they had never coded. It was set to initiate start-up while someone was inside. Specifically while the wiring was being worked on. Some of the wires had been bypassed to allow the machine to work even if they had been unplugged. Wires that had once been important to function were now just a trigger. Sabotage.

Jack was meant to be dealing with the wiring, it had only been passed to Danny since the paneling went on. Had someone been trying to kill Jack? No, that didn’t make sense. Why would… but then why would anyone target anyone else in the family. She couldn’t think of anyone who hated them like that. Even the Mansons didn’t disapprove of them that much. Even if she could think of someone this required a certain level of understanding of their work. Few had that privilege. Vlad from college but that would have been long outdated with how long it had been and their direct overseers from the GIW. Neither really had opportunity and reason. Had it not been about them at all? Was someone trying to halt their work and unintentionally caught Danny in the crossfire? Still she couldn’t think of who. The GIW were literally paying them, sabotage would just make it worthless. Vlad had nothing to gain, he wasn’t even in the field any more.

She frustratedly shook her head, there was no use speculating when she really had no clues. Maybe Jack would know something. If not at least he wouldn’t be blaming himself like she had been. She took a few moments to document the evidence and hide it away. Whoever it was had somehow gained access to their computers if not the lab itself, she couldn’t risk it being covered up. Maddie was not going to let this go unpunished. She was going to find who did this and she was going to make them pay.

Satisfied that the files were preserved she headed for the stairs. Jack was probably still sleeping. She’d wake him. He’d want to be told as soon as possible.

It was like a cold hand crawled up her spine. She froze, one foot on the next step, halfway up the stairs. Her heart beat faster and she couldn’t help but feel on edge. Each next step was tentative and cautious. Her eyes scanned the kitchen and fell on the sleeping ghost on the fridge top. She let out an uncomfortable awkward laugh. Of course it was the ghost. She should have realized that was what they were feeling. That natural human fear response to a ghost's aura. Of course they would be feeling that, made only worse by the very real grief.

She found Jack exactly where she expected him to be. He was sleeping but it hadn’t been peaceful. The covers around him were rumpled and his eyes bagged. He had probably been lying there awake for a good portion of the night. She knew she had been before the exhaustion took her into that nightmare.

“Jack?” she asked softly as she gently shook him. Thankfully he didn’t startle, his eyes opened awkwardly with a tired and confused groan.

“Mads? What is it?” he paused, wiping sleep out of his eyes, “did something happen?” concern drifted onto his face and was alleviated as she shook her head.

“I found something. The accident,” she stumbled over the memory of it, “it wasn’t. I was looking through the control panel files. They’d been changed.”

“Sabotage?”

She nodded, “someone bypassed the safety controls and the power. They rigged it to go off while you were working.”

“But I hadn’t… I passed it off to…” his face dropped, “if I hadn’t then… Mads this…”

“Jack, that doesn’t make it your fault. Danny wanted to help and we didn’t know. We couldn’t have,” if anyone was to know it would be her she’d noticed something had been changed, even if it wasn’t obviously malicious at the time.

“Who is then, who even had access?”

“I don’t know but now we know we can find out,” Maddie said firmly, a promise. Another promise unsaid but clear, that whoever was responsible was going to regret this.

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[koshkamartell]

No One But Me

masterlist

previous

chapter warnings: possessive!Joel, manipulative!Joel, gaslighting, degrading language, piv sex, oral sex.

The group had radioed that they estimated they would be arriving back within two days. The day before their estimated return, you and Ellie had gathered in your kitchen to bake a welcome home cake for Joel. You were patient and encouraging as you taught Ellie the method of baking a simple honey cake, standing next to her and instructing her on creaming the butter and sugar, beating the eggs, and how to properly fold the flour.

Ellie proved to be a good student; she listened to you carefully and took her time measuring each ingredient and completing each step slowly. She was eager to learn and filled with fascination for the art of baking. When she insisted on staying in the kitchen to watch the cake rise in the oven, you laughed.

The smell of sugar and caramelised honey filled your cottage. At the end of the afternoon, together you had created a round golden brown honey cake topped with a thin layer of icing. With painstaking dedication Ellie had selected some pretty little flowers from your garden and arranged them in a circle ontop of the icing.  You both stood side by side in your small kitchen and admired the finished product.

"Thanks," Ellie said. "For teaching me this stuff."

"You're welcome. I'm sure he will love it. And now you know how to bake, you can do it yourself."

Ellie scoffed. "Nuh-huh, that's your department."

"I thought you liked baking," you elbowed her playfully.

"I do," Ellie confessed. "But I like the eating part more."

You shook your head and laughed. She grinned and tilted her head to rest on your shoulder in a rare gesture of affection.

"But really, thanks alot," she sighed. "I need to learn this stuff for when I move out."

You frowned and pulled away from her to search her face for any sign of jest. There was none but a contented little grin on her young face.

"What do you mean, move out?"

"I gotta be an adult and grow up sometime, right?" Ellie said with a little shrug. "Me and some of my friends wanna get our own place, and I'm not at home that much anymore anyway."

"Oh, Ellie," you breathed out quietly, your eyebrows pinched in worry. "Are you sure? Joel's going to be so sad without you."

You carefully reached out and swiped a finger over the dusting of flour that had gotten on her cheek during your baking session. She smirked and tilted her head to the side.

"He'll be fine. He has you now."

Your mouth dropped open in shock but you quickly composed yourself. "W-what? What do you mean, 'has has me'?"

Ellie rolled her eyes. "As if I didn't know you two were making out on the couch whenever I snuck out of the house."

You clamped your mouth shut in a tight line, cheeks heating up in embarrassment. Ellie cackled and threw her arm around your neck affectionately.

"Relax! I'm happy for you guys. Maybe Joel won't be such a grumpy asshole if you guys have a little privacy."

"Uhm," you stammered, "I, uh, we are just friends right now. I don't know what....I'm not sure what Joel wants. Please don't say anything to anyone about that....idea...right now. Okay?"

You loved Joel and wanted to be with him, but Ellie was always a point of concern. You and Joel had never wanted to involve her in your relationship, didn't want to burden her in any way lest she get hurt. You had been so careful to keep those clandestine night meetings secret but it wasn't realistic to assume Ellie could be too naive to know what was going on, atleast not for so long.

But what would Joel think? Would he be more receptive to being in a real relationship with you now? Even though he had fucked you and told you he was coming back for you, everything was still so undefined. You also had no idea what Joel was comfortable with Ellie knowing. It was safer and easier to let Joel deal with it.

"Yes, sir," Ellie saluted you teasingly. When you didn't laugh and instead shot her a warning glare, she held up her hands in surrender. "Alright, okay, jeez. I won't say a word."

"Thank you."

"On one condition," Ellie grinned mischievously.  "You don't do that gross shit when I'm around, like, atleast wait til I'm out of the house, 'kay?"

You groaned and threw a hand towel at her. "I got it, Ellie. Now be quiet and help me clean up this mess."

The next day you were working with Oscar in the library when word spread that the men were close to Jackson. A small herd of children had burst into the library cheering and dancing around as they announced the news.

You and Oscar had laughed at their fanfare and watched the boisterous children with amusement. When they ran out of the library and back out into the street your laughter died down, leaving a long silence between you. It was neither uncommon nor uncomfortable. However, today Oscar broke the silence with a question that shocked you.

"Is there someone special to you on the patrol team?" He asked softly.

Your head snapped up from the books you had on the counter infront of you. Oscar was leaning with an elbow propped against the counter beside you, his head cocked to the side slightly, his hooded brown eyes searching over your face. His brows were creased ever so slightly into a frown and the tip of his tongue swiped over his bottom lip. You knew that this was the expression Oscar assumed whenever he was concentrating on something, usually when someone else was speaking. He wasn't scrutinising or teasing you; there was no sign of taunting, just an inquisitive softness in his features and voice. And even though the question could be considered ambiguous, even though it could only be a reference to friendship, you were unsure how to perceive it.

Embarrassed, you realised he had seen your reaction to the news, that the relief and joy you felt must have been evident on your face. You cleared your throat and shook your head.

"Oh," you mumble awkwardly, looking back down at the books. "Not really. I'm just, you know...happy that they are coming back safe. It's good for the community."

Oscar observed you quietly for a moment, then nodded. "Yes, it is good." He conceded.

"So, how's the stables going?" You asked him, hoping it wasn't obvious that you were wanting to change the subject.

"It's okay," he sighed. "Pretty busy restocking the feed, grooming the horses, cleaning the stables. Try not get kicked by Roscoe."

You smiled at his joke. You knew Roscoe was one of the more temperamental horses in the stables and could be unpredictable in mood. Over the past few weeks Oscar had regaled you with anecdotes about Roscoe that made you cackle with laughter - such as the time Roscoe had unknowingly escaped from the paddock and Oscar had found him eating carrots in the vegetable garden. You still giggle to yourself  whenever you eat carrots, remembering the tale.

You relished the way Oscar told stories, how he was able to recreate the entertaining scenarios he had witnessed through his use of words and comical gestures. You found his voice soothing and calming, and sometimes you felt as though you could fall asleep listening to him speak.

"How's your ankle doing?"

"All better, back to normal." Oscar pushed his spectacles up the bridge of his nose. "When the guys return from this mission I'll be going back on duty."

"Oh," you whispered. "I almost forgot you were a patrolman."

Oscar chuckled. "Yeah, it's a been a while since I was on shift. But these guys who went out there - they are heroes. They'll need a break after what they went through."

When silence fell upon you both once again, you found your gaze wandering back to Oscar. His attention was focused on a scrap of paper - a list of supplies he was writing. You secretly studied his profile - the prominence of his nose, the thickness of his unruly hair, the structure of his face that was somehow a perfect balance of masculinity and elegance. You knew Oscar was beautiful but in that very moment you were able to really look at him and appreciate just how alluring he was. You wondered what Oscar looked like without his facial hair - you liked it on him but you guessed he was probably even more attractive without it.

He was older than you and had no partner, no family.

Why is he still single?

"Oscar." You murmured. You found the delicate, almost sensual lilt of your own voice surprising,

"Hmm?" Oscar looked up to meet your gaze. His eyebrows were raised slightly, curious.

"Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

Oscar's eyes momentarily widened in surprise at the question. He then gave you a small smile, one that did not reach his eyes. It was one born of fortitude, a pretense that was hiding something sad buried deep within the vessel of his ribcage where his heart sat. You knew that kind of smile all too well.

"I guess it is difficult to find someone you connect with on an intimate kind of level," he admits quietly. "I'm not sure if I would be so lucky to have that in my lifetime, after the outbreak."

You opened your mouth to speak but found no words to formulate a response. You could never imagine the heartbreak of losing a spouse, but you were sure that it was a similar kind of pain to the one of losing your mother and father. Your parents - the mere thought of them squeezed your heart so tightly that it felt like it would burst. You swallowed the lump that had formed in your throat.

"Oh," was all you could manage lamely.

Another short silence before Oscar spoke.

"And you?" He questioned gently.

You couldn't meet his eyes. The moment was too intense, too intimate. You couldn't speak the truth even if you wanted to. How could you articulate just how lonely your heart had been for so many years, how you fell for a man so much older than you, someone who wanted to dominate your life without giving you what you needed and yearned for the most? You couldn't even admit it to your closest girlfriends. Admitting the reality of your private life to Oscar seemed absurd, impossible.

"Me too, I guess," was all you could mumble in reply.

"I figured you'd have plenty of people around here to choose from," Oscar murmured.

"Why would you figure that?" You laughed half heartedly, both bemused and feeling awkward.

"Come on," Oscar chides you lightheartedly.  "You're beautiful - gorgeous, even. And you're well read, you're kind, you actually care about everyone else around you. You're a dream."

You know you're blushing wildly at his words. No one has ever complimented you or praised you so openly or directly before, not even Joel. You could feel a glowing kind of warmth flow and course throughout your tummy all the way up to your chest.

You were quiet as your brain processed his accolades, but Oscar must have mistake your silence for discomfort, and it was then his turn to be bashful.

"Shit. I'm sorry," Oscar babbled. "I hope that wasn't too much, like I hope I didn't make make you feel uncomfortable. I was just, you know, just--"

"It's okay," you whisper, a hint of a smile playing on your lips. You found his self consciousness endearing. In an uncharacteristic and bold move, you touched his forearm and gave it a small reassuring squeeze. "It's fine Oscar, really. Thank you."

The rest of the afternoon passed by uneventfully with you and Oscar focusing on the tasks you needed to complete. The words of his praise echoed in your head throughout your shift. That swirl of elation continued to swim inside your belly and distract you from finishing your work quicker. Why did his compliments have such an effect on you? You couldn't really understand why, but all you knew was that it felt good.

••••••

After locking up the library and venturing home, Oscar couldn't stop thinking about you and what he said about you being a dream. He sounded like a loser. He felt like a loser. Like a kid with a school yard crush.

And that was the problem. Over the past few weeks of working with you and getting to know you better, he had developed something of a crush on you. Well, to be honest, he had felt something for you since the first day he met you, when he first saw your smile and heard your voice. It was something tiny and fragile flickering like a candle flame. And over time it had developed and strengthened into something more solid.

Oscar had tried to extinguish it quickly though. He told himself there wasn't even a remote chance that you could ever feel the same and so there was no use daydreaming about it. No use in imagining you wrapped in his arms on a cold rainy day, or snuggled up in bed next to him as you both read books.

Even if you would never be his, Oscar wanted you to be happy. He knew you hid something underneath that cute smile of yours, something dark and sorrowful that you couldn't let escape. He recognised it but never pushed to know more. Managing his own trauma throughout the years had taught him to always treat others with respect and compassion, and to grant others patience and privacy. If you were ever ready to talk about your feelings, he would be there for you.

You had ignited a desire inside him to nurture and protect you. And so it was with great satisfaction that Oscar had noticed subtle changes in you since you first started working together. He noticed the light shone on your face more often, how the laughter he provoked from you actually reached your eyes. Your appetite slowly increased and you were actually eating more and with more gusto. It was as if you had been denying yourself comfort and gratification for so long, and now you were finally allowing yourself some kind of joy. And it was being reflected in the way you giggled unabashedly, how you threw sarcastic quips at him, how you initiated conversation so easily now, as if you two had known each other for years.

When you touched his arm, had established that first point of physical contact, Oscar felt like he was floating. He had wanted to brush the strands of hair from your face and kiss your soft lips. He wanted to gather you in his arms and-

No. No. He shouldn't be thinking about it. He couldn't think about it.

Oscar knew it was best that he resign himself to just being a good friend and a good work colleague. Because you deserved to be cared for and respected and loved. And fuck, whoever you ended up falling in love with would be the luckiest bastard in this world, even if you would never believe so.

It was just after nightfall when the patrol team came trotting through the huge gates of Jackson on their horses. They had been gone for almost four and a half weeks. A month of tracking, stalking and hunting the band of raiders that had been spotted near Jackson. The mission had culminated in several skirmishes between the groups until eventually the raiders were all wounded and killed. All of the patrolmen returned to Jackson safely with only a few injuries between them. The worst of the injuries was endured by Tommy, who had been struck with a bullet in his upper left arm. The group had tended to the wound as best as they could, creating makeshift bandages and changing the dressing every few days.

You had just finished eating dinner with Kate, Rhi and Jess when you heard faint cheers and whistles float through the mess hall doors. A crowd of townsfolk had congregated around the guarded gates of Jackson to welcome the band of fatigued heroes back home.

Not one to miss out of any kind of excitement, Rhi proposed you all go and see the event unfold. Jess and Kate were quick to agree to the idea, but truthfully you didn't share their enthusiasm. An inexplicable feeling of overwhelm and nervousness had suddenly overtaken you.

Yes, you missed Joel and wanted him back. But now that time had come, the thought of seeing Joel after this long made you jittery and on edge. What the fuck is wrong with you?

You let your friends pull you away from the dining table, through the mess hall doors and out into the cool night. Their exuberant voices trilled around you as you all sashayed through the streets towards the Jackson gates. You wrapped your arms around your waist as you walked, regretting the decision not to wear a jacket this evening. The chilly bite of the breeze signified the impending arrival of snowfall, and along with it the association of Christmas, warm fires and hot chocolate.

The atmosphere surrounding the large throng of townspeople was buzzing with energy. Rhi, Jess and Kate were soaking it all in and chatting with eager animation while you surveyed everyone around you. You all agreed to stay a short distance from the edge of the crowd as you were able to see what was happening without being too entrenched in the chaos of the event.

"There, they are there!" Jess squealed. She pointed to the middle of the crowd where a semi circle had been formed around the group of patrolmen.

Standing on your tiptoes you were able to see glimpses of emotional scenes of the return; Tommy and Maria in a tight embrace, Troy's wife and children clutching onto his shirt as he hugged them all, the town doctor examining an injury to one of the men's temple.

But were was Joel?

Your eyes darted around the area in search of him.

Where are you, Joel?

You were started to panic, different possibilities running through your mind in a distressed blur.

What if he had an accident? Was he wounded? Did he get left behind? What if an infected got him?

And then your eyes finally landed on him, his head of dishevelled salt and pepper hair identifying him from the rest of the men. You couldn't see his face clearly but it was him.

He was standing by his horse. Ellie was hugging him with her face pressed into his middle. His arms were around her. Thank God, it was him.

You exhaled a silent breath of relief.

He was home and safe.

••••••

The next day was torturous. You were thankful that you had a teaching shift at the school, otherwise you would've probably spent your whole day pacing your home or cleaning obsessively, doing anything to occupy your mind as you waited.

You had finished up teaching your class and returned straight home to clean. Once your cottage had been sufficiently tidied, swept and scrubbed, you showered and washed your hair with a sweet green apple scented shampoo, a luxury item sold at one of the boutiques in town that you allowed yourself to indulge in.

You hadn't even realised that you had not eaten lunch. You ended up forgoing dinner at the mess hall aswell, staying home instead to absentmindedly chew an apple and drink a cup of tea.

You sat on the couch with a book that night, unable to properly focus on the words infront of you and rereading the same lines, when the knock came. You jolted up from the couch and sprang to the front door. When you opened it the light of your living room lamp projected a strip of illumination onto the dark of your porch.

It was him.

Joel was standing at your door, leaning forward with a forearm up against your doorframe. The thumb of his other hand was hooked through the belt loop of his jeans. His stance exuded a thrilling mix of self assurance and bold masculinity that made you feel slightly dazed. His proximity, coupled with his height and posture, felt so imposing; however it was mostly because of his eyes that you felt so caught off guard.

Those large dark brown eyes, like puppy dog eyes, staring down at you intently, something akin to worry reflected in his orbs. Although you had expected his visit eventually, you were unprepared for just how delicious Joel looked.

Appearing as handsome as ever, infront of you once again after so many weeks apart, a fantasy materialised into reality. He looked well rested after having finally slept in a comfortable bed. He was freshly showered and wearing a clean pair of jeans and a green flannel shirt. His hair was combed and slicked back in that way you found so fucking sexy.

"Hi, baby," he murmured, the timber of his Texan drawl causing your inner thighs to clench together.

You realised you had been holding your breath.

"Hi, Joel," you whispered back with a breathy exhale. Your heart was galloping in your chest. You were so intimidated by his towering figure that you were frozen in place, your eyes mesmerised by him.

"Gonna let me in, sugar?" Joel smirked.

You nodded wordlessly and stepped to the side so he could enter into your cottage. You quickly closed the door and fumbled to lock it, the anxiety coursing throughout your body making you feel clumsy and foolish. You followed him into your living room and clasped your hands behind your back to hide their slight shaking.

Joel stood in the middle of your living room and watched you stop just a few feet away from him. He scanned over your body brazenly, drinking in the sight of you in your oversized sweater and short pyjama bottoms, his fists curling and uncurling as they hung a the sides of his body.

"W-welcome home," you managed to say, your voice breathless.

Joel acknowledged your greeting with a curt nod. His eyes flickered from your bare legs up to your face. It was as if you were on display for him, like a dish being served to a starving man, and if you had to be honest to yourself, it made you feel both uneasy and aroused.

"Did-did you see what Ellie and I made for you?" You asked hopefully, desperate to fill the silence that stifled the room. "The cake?"

"I did."

You waited for him to say something more but he didn't. He was still gazing at you with his eyebrows knitted together and his jaw ticking, as if he were deep in contemplation. His eyes betrayed none of what he was thinking.

The air in the room was thick and you felt more and more self conscious as the silence dragged on. After what seemed like forever, you were about to open your mouth and speak when Joel cut you off.

"Told you I'd come back for ya," he stated matter of factly.

"Yes, you did," you agreed in a small whisper.

"Ellie knows about us," Joel stated abruptly. "Said she wants us to be together."

"Oh," you said quietly. And then, a little more louder, "and what did you say back?'

"I told her when the timin's right, we are gonna be a family." Joel answered you, his expression and tone serious and calm.

Your brain took a second to register his words, the significance of what he said not quite sinking in. Your mouth fell open, speechless.

Did Joel really just say you'd all be a family? Was he actually admitting that he wanted you? When you had confessed wanting a relationship with Joel on the night of the town dance, he had rejected you, hadn't he? Your mind had replayed Joel's cruel words so many times since then. Surely you weren't mistaken ?

All you could do was shake your head in confusion. Joel's eyes narrowed at you, a glint of darkness briefly flashing in his brown eyes.

"What you shakin' your head for, little girl?" Joel murmured, his voice calm but punctuated with a hint of irritated displeasure.

"Going to be a family, Joel? But, it's just, you said..."

The pain in your voice was evident as tears of shame welled along the rim of your eyes. You took a deep breath and exhaled, gathering the courage to repeat the hurtful words he had spoken to you.

"You said we weren't anything more than...just sex." You mumbled pathetically. "I thought you didn't want me."

"Now darlin', that ain't what I said," Joel corrected you firmly but not unkindly, as if you were a child he was trying to teach something to. "You're mine. Told you so many times. What makes you think I'd ever let you go, let someone else have ya?"

You stared at him in puzzlement. "But Joel, you said you didn't want me--"

He held up his hand to signal you to stop talking. "You misunderstood me. Didn't say nothin' about not wantin' you. You didn't let me finish."

"Oh," you mumble meekly. You brushed away your spilled tears with a flick of your fingertips. You felt ridiculous.

"I want you, babydoll." Joel continued resolutely. "Want all of you."

The admission that you had been yearning for for so long made your stomach flip. It felt so good to hear him say those words, to know he wanted you, to feel wanted. You bit back a smile of relieved elation and willed yourself not to interrupt him again, forcing yourself to stay silent to wait for him to finish explaining.

"But I don't like everybody in town knowin' my business. Just cause I live here don't mean I trust anyone. I didn't survive this far in this godforsaken world because I trust people."

Okay, you could understand his point. Joel had alot more life experience than you, and certainly more experience with surviving the horrors of the apocalypse in the wild. It made sense that he didn't readily trust other people, that he wouldn't want to share his personal life with anyone.

"You understand what I'm sayin'?" Joel asked sternly, narrowing his eyes at you.

You nodded quickly in confirmation. "Yes, Joel."

"Good. I've come to learn that some folk don't like seein' others happy."

You had never seen Joel speak this earnestly before, his voice quiet and soft. His beautiful brown eyes were focused on yours almost hypnotically. It was completely beguiling.

"They see somethin' they don't have and so they wanna spoil it. Seen people do bad things to destroy another's happiness."

"That's horrible," you utter.

"Mmhm," Joel nods in agreement. "And I don't want that to happen to you and me. Don't want noone tryin' to interfere with what we got, and the less people know our business, the better."

You agree. Ofcourse you wanted to be happy with Joel. Ofcourse you didn't want someone else to ruin the special relationship you two had.

Joel approached you with deliberate steps, his boots heavy on the creaky wooden floor of your living room, his eyes still glued to yours. Your skin was prickling with goosebumps in anticipation of being close to him after so long, to finally feel his touch that you had been craving for the last month. You bit your bottom lip and watched him cross the space towards you, the dim lamp light casting dancing shadows along his face that somehow just accentuated his handsome features.

"You wanna be with me then you gotta listen to what I say," he continued. "I wanna protect you, and not just from infected and raiders. Gotta keep you safe from people with bad intentions, too. But you gotta be a good girl."

His words, spoken in that smooth Texan drawl, made your pussy tingle. Joel stood close to you now, so close you could smell his usual sandalwood scent mixed with soap on his skin. You stared at him with doe eyes, completely entranced by him. He took your chin inbetween his thumb and forefinger and leaned down to press a tender kiss onto your lips. Your knees felt weak and your body instantly melted against his chest.

He pulled back just enough so that his lips hovered over yours. "There's gotta be rules, baby. My rules. You wanna be my good girl?"

You nodded eagerly. "Yes, daddy, I do."

Joel snaked his arm around your waist and splayed his hand over your back to press you firmly against his torso. He leaned back in to kiss you once more. Your arms stretched up to wrap around his neck as you let his tongue lick over your bottom lip and slip into your mouth to meet your own tongue.

Joel's large palm cupped your cheek and his breath intermingled with yours. Your tongues rolled together with increasingly passionate strokes. You were quickly becoming consumed by his familiar smell and taste, as if his presence had awakened a primal need in you that had been starved for far too long. Joel must have felt the same because you could feel his hard cock straining under his jeans and press into your belly. 

Joel eventually broke away from the kiss to growl breathlessly, "fuck, I missed your sweet lips, babygirl."

You exhaled a small noise of satisfaction, something between a giggle and a hum. Joel's hand shifted down you back and groped your ass. His thumb stroked your jaw and he nuzzled his nose against the corner of your mouth. 

"Me too, Joel," you said softly.

Joel's lips shifted down to press gentle kisses along your jawline, slowly trailing down to your neck. His moustache tickled lightly against your skin and made you giggle. You ran your fingers through the crown of his curls and hummed with contented pleasure.

"I missed this," you sighed. "I missed you, Joel."

Joel licked at your pulse point before softly biting the skin there, eliciting a moan from you.

"Me too, sugar," he whispered into the crook of your neck. "All I thought about when I was away."

"Really?" You whispered back breathlessly.

"Bet your sweet little ass," Joel rasped.

His hand on your ass squeezed and massaged your flesh hungrily. He wedged his thigh inbetween your legs as he sucked on the sensitive skin of your neck, and the friction of material against your clit was making you wet with arousal. You moaned and tilted your head to the side, your body becoming pliant and relaxed as the pleasurable sensations overtook you.

Joel's mouth detached from your neck to growl into the shell of your ear. "Couldn't stop thinkin' about that sweet little cunt and how wet she gets for me, how good she looks wrapped around my cock."

His words inflame a feral desire for him to be inside you, making your pussy clench around nothing and your hips rock against his instinctively. His hand moves down from your face and gropes your breast through your sweatshirt.

"Joel," you moan and tug lightly at his hair. "Want it so bad."

"Yeah?" Joel murmurs in your ear, the timbre of his deep voice causing shivers to run up and down your back. "You want my cock, babydoll? Want me to fuck you?"

"Mm-hmm," you hum.

Joel straightens up to look at your face. He smacks your ass hard suddenly, the sting of his palm landing with a loud crack. The impact forces a squeal from your lips and makes you squirm.

"Ow, fuck, Joel!" you whine.

"You know to use your words when you're speakin' with me," he warns sternly. "You gotta tell me what you want, darlin', and I'll give it to ya."

You whimper and nod. "Yes sir."

"Now," he says, more gently, his breath fanning against your face. "What do you want?"

"Want you to fuck me." You purr, smoothing your hands over his flannel shirt, desperate to feel the bare skin of his broad chest. "Please, daddy."

Joel hums in approval and licks at the corner of your mouth. "Take off your shorts and get on the couch. Now."

He releases his hold on your breast and your ass and you pout at the loss of contact. He tips his head toward the couch to signal for you to move. You obey, feeling stupefied by Joel's touch already as you totter the few paces to the couch. You hook your fingers on the band of your sleep shorts and look at him coyly as you slowly push them down your thighs. Joel stands in the centre of the living room and watches you with a wolfish stare. The cast of his shadow on the wall behind him is huge and tall.

"Show me that pretty pussy, show me how fuckin' wet she is for me already," he drawls. One of his hands move to loosely hold his hard cock through the crotch of his jeans.

Your eyes lock on Joel's as you let your sleep shorts fall to the ground, revealing your nakedness underneath, leaving you just in your sweater. You sit down on the couch so that you ass is on the edge of the seat and then spread your legs wide. You tug up the bottom of your sweater so that your pussy is exposed. Joel's eyes travel down to the middle of your parted thighs and lets out a low groan.

"Fuck," he growls. "Open her up, baby, I wanna see everything."

You bring your hands to your pussy and spread your lips, the tips of your fingers catching some of your slick. Your lower half is completely exposed and on display for Joel. He watches you intently, his eyes hooded and dark with lust, his large hand flexing to grip the thick outline of his dick.

"That's it, darlin'," Joel murmurs, "can see how desperate you are for this fuckin' cock. She's soakin' wet already."

Joel steps towards you and crouches down to kneel before you on the hardwood floor, his knees cracking under his weight. He positions himself inbetween your legs and brings his hands to rest on your inner thighs, holding them open so that his face is in line with your bare pussy. Joel's tongue swipes over his plush bottom lip.

"Gotta taste this sweet little pussy first, babydoll."

Joel leans in and places a wet open kiss onto your clit, his tongue warm against your sensitive flesh. A shiver of pleasure trembles through your body and you moan. He repeats the action several times before licking a thick stripe over your clit with the flat of his tongue. Your hands come up to clutch at the curls on his head and your hips rock forward ever so slightly in pursuit of more. Joel laps at the small bundle of nerves languidly as his thick fingers dig into the meat of your inner thighs.

It feels like fucking heaven.

You can feel Joel prodding at your entrance before sliding two of his thick fingers inside you. The mixture of his saliva and your slick make his digits glide smoothly into your pussy. He expertly curls then against your g spot while he eats you, instantly heightening your pleasure. He looks up to watch your reaction; your hands tighten their grasp on his head and you moan wantonly, your toes curling. It doesn't take long for the pressure to reach close to its peak in your lower belly.

Your upper body slumps back into the couch and you tilt your head back to let out long, soft moans of ecstasy. Joel continues licking and sucking your clit leisurely; each movement performed with unhurried yet purposeful strokes that slowly build and twist a coil of intense pleasure inside your loins. He continues this for several minutes, gravelly moans rumbling in his throat that you know are an expression of his own pleasure, his own enjoyment. You love Joel fucking you, love how his thick cock pounds into you, but you really fucking love how he eats your pussy. And it's clear that Joel loves it, too.

"Gonna cum," you pant out between moans. "Daddy, I'm going to cum."

Joel doesn't stop. His mouth maintains the same tempo and pressure as he licks and sucks your clit, all the while stimulating your g spot with his fingers. He has come to know your body so well, knows what makes you squeal or scream or have you begging for more, knows just how long it will take for a certain action to bring you to orgasm, exactly how tender or hard you need him fucking you from the depths of your moans and keening.

Your body soon tenses and your orgasm reaches a crescendo. When you cum, you throw your head back and let out a long, shuddering moan, your thighs quivering by Joel's ears. He helps you ride out the high by gradually slowing his movements, allowing the sensation to draw out without overstimulation.

It is only once your body relaxes and your orgasm dissipates that Joel stops. Your eyes flutter open and you look down at him. Joel sits back on his haunches and pants. You see that his lips and moustache are glistening with your juice. 

"Oh my god, that was amazing," you say with a blissful smile.

Joel stands up from his kneeling position, his knees cracking once again. His gaze is fixated on you as he unbuckles his best and unzips his jeans. You stay half slumped on the couch, reveling in post orgasm exhilaration, the energy sapped from your body.

"What do you say?" Joel asks. His commanding tone is rough and deep with passion.

"Thank you, daddy," you reply breathlessly.

"That's right, babygirl. Now it's time for me to tear that little pussy up." Joel pushes his jeans and underwear down to his meaty thighs. His erection springs out, the head of his cock already wet with precum. "Get up and turn around."

You weakly sit up and turn over to kneel on the couch, somehow managing to obey him despite the sound of blood pounding in your ears and fatigue setting into your body. You shuffle to spread your legs and Joel's hands grab onto your hips to roughly jerk them back so that you are bent forward and your ass sticks out. Once he is satisfied with the position he's manipulated you into, his hands grip your ass cheeks firmly.

"Look at that," he whispers to himself. He pulls them apart, digging his thumbs into the crease of your upper thighs, both your pussy and asshole now lewdly exposed. "Such a dirty little whore, just dyin' to get ruined."

Joel releases one of your ass cheeks to guide the tip of his cock to your wet entrance. He doesn't waste anymore time, quickly sinking it into your hole and thrusting into you smoothly. The stretch has you gasping and moaning loudly, the knock of his hips propelling you forward into the couch. Joel groans as his dick slides deep inside your tight cunt.

"Fuck, that's it," he pants.

He pulls his hips back almost all the way before slamming back into you. You cry out shrilly, the sensation of fullness overwhelming you entirely. Joel does it again and again, holding tightly to your hips while he pounds his cock in and out of you. You're pinned immobile against the couch, trapped by the weight of his strong frame snapping into your body.

"Take it just like that, little bitch." Joel snarls. His fingers dig painfully into your hips.

"F-f-fuuuuck, Joel," you cry loudly.

He increases his pace and begins to fuck you with savage fervour. Your cries and moans intermingle with the filthy sounds of your skin colliding and his heavy balls slapping against your pussy. Joel pants from the exertion, the veins in his neck straining. He stares down at his cock disappearing in and out of your tight heat.

"Who do you belong to, babygirl?" Joel barks out. "Who fuckin' owns this pussy?"

"You, daddy!" You squeal, your fingers curling tightly over the sofa cushion. "Only you."

"That's right," Joel groans, "no one but me."

You feel his cock throbbing just before he cums. He swiftly pulls out and jerks himself as thick ropes of cum shoot over your ass. He grunts and moans as he fists his dick and empties his balls, marking your skin like a territorial animal. You heave deep breathes inbetween small whines, your thighs quaking.

When Joel's finished he yanks your head back by your hair and engulfs your mouth with his, kissing you passionately. He is greedy as he swirls his tongue around yours, as if he's still hungry, still needs to ravage you and swallow you.

In this moment, this sweetly intoxicating instance of physical and emotional intimacy, you feel utterly euphoric. The tangle of disquiet inside your brain had become static once Joel's hands were on your skin, instantly pacifying you and moulding you into something completely docile, like a doll. It was an all consuming state of rapture.

He breaks the kiss and you stare into one another's eyes. He smirks, then you feel his calloused hand rubbing over your ass, smearing his cum over your skin possessively.

"Welcome home," you whisper.

taglist - @sofiparallel @harriedandharassed @kewwrites @romanarose @fan-fiction-floozy @anoverwhelmingdin @unknownsuser101

[plusvanity]

To make this clear, Old Mayhem and me NEVER attacked one another.

There's no animosity going on between me and her. Although in the same 'fandom', our blogs exist separately and don't overlap. This doesn't mean hatred. This simply means a different public. The effort that me and her seems to put in the content that we create is massive, so as I said before, I will say I again, be a decent person and don't spread misinformation about what my dynamic between me and her is like. Also, don't spread hateful messages in anyone's inbox about how 'shit their art is' or 'how dare you not like this blog??' Because you NEVER know if the person who reads it has s*****e thoughts and the LAST THING that they read is your spiteful message. It happened with me before, and I wouldn't wish this feeling even on the worst people in my life.

This is all I had to say regarding Old Mayhem.

Now, I want to address the real issue who's name I didn't mention until now, Kelma 69, the one blog who's proud description is 'Getting rid of weird Mayhem fans, mostly from Pelle's fans'.

I don't even have to add anything about this description, her malicious 'witch hunt' intentions are more than obvious and the fact that I seem to be her number one target is sending a shiver down my spine.

I don't have an issue with people who block me and move on with their lives, this is normal, it's expected. But I have an issue with someone who blocks me and keeps endlessly talking about me with every chance they've got, so I want to ask her why?

I never interacted with her before, yet she comes across so vicious about my art and fiction for seemingly no reason other than envy.

Of cause that you're entitled to your own opinion, of course that you don't have to like me, this is absolutely alright, but you should assume your words instead of hiding behind blogs that had been here long before you or 'adjusting' your statements to how it seems more convenient for you.

Calling my art 'crap', than saying 'I'm not insulting the artist' is blatantly lying with proofs on her own page.

Also, the fact that she was both following me and my other artist friends, liking our 'Vargelle' fanarts until someone brought this to her attention and she suddenly blocked me and my friends is a 'getting caught' behaviour. I can understand that she may had liked those fanarts because of Pelle's design, as she mentioned at one point, but some of those drawings didn't even had Pelle's face in it, so how does this work? She also liked fanarts of Varg (alone) even if she hates Varg more than anything, so was this for his 'design' too? Is it?

Also, her parasitic tendency to accociate herself with Old Mayhem to seem relevant, to gain attention and admiration denote very evident deceiving and manipulating tactics.

Another aspect of her double-faced behaviour is the fact that she presents herself as 'shy' when she has no problem whatsoever getting rid of what might step out of her appreciation area. Shyness doesn't come with blunt insults and a covert need for conflict and drama. Shy people doesn't seek reactions, they don't go out to hate on people to boost up their ego and shy people DON'T throw the 'you just play the victim' card whenever they can't find solid arguments against their accusation.

Is calling out someone's falsehood the equivalent of 'playing' the victim? Is this the way to wash your hands clean from taking responsibility?

The fact that you won't allow a conversation to take place and once you consider that 'you're done playing your game' you pull out, just shows how unwilling you are to recognise what you've done.

I hope everyone can leave behind this senseless drama. I'm so sick and tired talking like a broken record about these things.

Live and let live. There's so much to do in life other than being angry about fiction, trust me.