#like we don’t know how the situation looks canonically obviously. i assume he’s been pressured to find a wife.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

I feel like, if he could, Satoru would choose to take on his spouse's last name, just like Toji did

ANON . I’M GRABBING YOUR SHOULDERS SO HARD RN CAN YOU FEEL IT .

I AGREEEEEEEEEEE . I’VE NEVER AGREED WITH ANYTHING MORE . as cocky as satoru can be i truly believe the gojo name is an INTENSE weight on his back. one that he’s grown used to. :(((( so if he met someone who made him feel like he could let go off that weight…. he absolutely would. i think satoru wants to be Yours more than he wants you to be His, you know? he wants to be let into YOUR life, not the other way around, because his own life is so bleak in comparison. i think he’d get sooo giddy at the idea of having your last name 🥺🥺

….. it’d also be a very big “fuck you <3” to his clan and the higher ups . which he’d find fun. (he corrects people VERY sternly if they ever refer to him as gojo instead of your last name …. it’s a little scary)

[vrishchikawrites]

Could I have a prompt? 🥺🥺 So WWX is taking bath in the Cold Pond to heal from the wounds by the discipline paddle (which I assume he was punished being clothed in his Black robe or in his Gusu Lan disciple robes or Head disciple Jiangs robes whichever fits). Before going to CR, wwx is whipped by mdm yu and LWJ notices wwx’s raw red scars and many scars across his back kinda overlapping and not yet being healed because maybe MDM yu sealed his core or something. LWJ, or with LXC saw WWX’s many crisscrossing scars and realize they’re still raw and kinda risking for infection because when mdm yu unseals his spiritual energy before going to CR, WWX never thought of healing it. Cue LWJ and LXC gets horrified and ask WWX why he had many scars on his back (or other parts of his body can also be included!) no pressure 💕 I love your writing! ❤️❤️

Anyway, it is set during the period in which WWX studies at CR. Lån Qiren, who is obviously not eyeing Wei Wuxian just in case the boy creates some trouble ends up realizing that he is too non chalant about  not eating (because the food there is for rabbits) and WWX is like "Oh, yeah. Nah its fine, I've been worse".

This one has trigger warnings for child abuse, negligence, and issues related to eating habits. Keep that in mind before proceeding. Nothing graphic, but I wanted to warn nonetheless.

I've merged two prompts here.

Please remember that prompts are closed. Also, remember I do not write self-deprication. All prompts that require WWX to have low self-esteem are not going to be written, apologies but the subject is very uncomfortable for me and I don't believe it is canon accurate anyways.

On to the prompt fill.

"That Wei child is entirely too careless." 

Lan Qiren closes his eyes and prays for patience. That boy has been a menace ever since he stepped into Cloud Recesses. Brilliant but wily and mischievous with absolutely no regard for rules. 

"What has he done?" He asks gruffly, reading over the reports from the kitchen staff. Cloud Recesses always monitors the food intake of their guests to make sure everyone is well-fed and no one is consuming more than their due. It wouldn't do for young cultivators to fall ill in their care, after all. 

The primary healer, a matron of some age, had brought the reports instead of the kitchen manager, which was quite unusual, "He forgets meals. Goes without food for days. Survives on small bits of fruit."

Xichen, who has been working on his own reports, raises his head and looks concerned. 

Lan Qiren crosses his arms, feeling a growing sense of ire, "He dislikes our meals." He's not the first one to skip meals because he considers them 'bland' and 'boring'. It's likely the child has been sneaking down to Caiyi town to have more extravagant meals. 

"I checked with our ward team. When he goes days without eating, he doesn't make any trips to Caiyi town either."

Lan Qiren pauses and studies her. Lan Mingyun nods curtly, "When I first noticed this behavior, I immediately put him on my list." Her list of children with food-related issues, he assumes, "His eating habits are very erratic, erratic enough that I wish to assign one of our senior disciples to keep an eye on him."

"You're that worried?" Lan Xichen asks in surprise while Lan Qiren frowns. It isn't unusual to do so but he wonders if it is really necessary.

"As far as I know, the child lived on the streets for quite a few years," She says and Lan Qiren narrows his eyes, inwardly reprimanding himself. He had forgotten about that aspect of Wei Wuxian's history, "The link between early childhood trauma and behavioural problems are well known to us."

Lan Xichen frowns, "I'll ask Wangji to keep an eye on him."

He glances at his nephew sharply, "Why Wangji?" He demands because surely someone else would be better.

"From what I understand, Wei-gongzi will not welcome an assigned senior. He seems to be someone who brushes injuries or illnesses off. He likes Wangji and will be more willing to accept his company."

While the argument is reasonable, Lan Qiren is loath to involve his precious nephew in this. He's already so bothered by the boy. 

But.

He thinks of Wei Wuxian with his sharp eyes and lingering smile and nods. 

---

Wangji listens to Xichen patiently even as his fingers curl into fists under his sleeves. 

He doesn't like Wei Wuxian. The boy is too disruptive, too bold, too distracting-

Too beautiful.

He doesn't like him, but that doesn't mean he's content to ignore his well-being. When Xichen asks him to keep an eye on Wei Ying's eating habits and general behavior, Wangji agrees. 

It will be taxing for him, but he agrees.  

What he doesn't anticipate is… everything that follows. When he starts consciously looking for them, the signs are alarming. Wei Ying doesn't just skip meals whenever he gets too distracted, he picks at the food even when he is eating. While Wangji is comforted to know the boy frequently seeks something richly flavored at Caiyi Town, he doesn't do it often enough to compensate.

There are also some concerning behaviors in the Jiang contingent. Upon closer inspection, it is clear that while Wei Ying does break the rules, the other Jiang Sect disciples are often complicit. Including Jiang Wanyin. 

They not only let their da-shixiong take the blame for all of their actions, but also encourage it. Wei Ying seems disconcertingly accustomed to it. He makes a scene while being punished but seems alright within an hour. 

Jiang Wanyin encourages mischief and reprimands him in turns. 

Wangji doesn't understand this.

"Xiongzhang, I am concerned," Xichen looks up from his tea, his attention immediately on Wangji, unwavering and comforting, "Wei Ying," He takes a moment to form his thoughts, "I am uncertain. I believe he is in an unsafe environment."

Xichen sets his tea aside, "How so?"

"I happened upon a conversation," He grimaces because it is eavesdropping even if his intentions are noble, "Jiang Wanyin and Nie Huaisang requested and encouraged him to get alcohol into Cloud Recesses. When he complained about the punishment, Jiang Wanyin said 'at least, it wasn't Zidian'."

His brother sucks in a sharp breath, "Zidian? Madam Yu? Spiritual weapon? A high-grade weapon typically used against enemies?"

Wangji dips his head. 

"I'll ask uncle to stop assigning corporal punishments." Lan Xichen says, "They won't have the desired effect in any case and we don't want to damage him permanently. Tomorrow, ask him to practice Cultivation in the Cold Pond as punishment."

Wangji nods, "I'll assign Jiang Wanyin and Nie Huaisang proper punishment as well."

"Wait until we have a better grasp on the situation." Xichen says solemnly, "If we act too quickly, things will escalate and may cause more harm to Wei-gongzi."

Wangji is reluctant because his sense of justice is not satisfied. He remembers how the Jiang disciples encouraged Wei Ying to accept punishment on their behalf. And then to know Jiang Wanyin was also complicit…

"We must approach this cautiously, Wangji."

He nods.

---

Red, irritated, scarred.

Wangji swallows as he sees the state of Wei Ying's back as the Jiang disciple steps into the Cold Pond. There are so many whip scars on his back, so many that have barely begun to heal, that he feels nauseous. 

"Wei Ying," He struggles to keep his tone neutral, "Your back." He cannot imagine the agony that Wei Ying would've suffered when he took more punishment on it the other day. 

Wei Ying glances at him and grins, "Aiya, Lan Zhan, is that concern I see on your pretty face?" He asks, spinning around eagerly, "Concern for little old me?"

His back is out of sight and the way Wei Wuxian is leaning towards him is meant to distract and fluster.

Wangji… suddenly understands. Wei Ying is naturally playful and mischievous, but he uses his personality for disguise and manipulation as well. Not maliciously, but in a way that harms him.

"Wei Ying," Wangji refuses to be moved. There is a significant shift in his mind. He no longer feels annoyed by the person before him. If anything, he feels furious. 

He feels protective.

"Wei Ying, your back."

The Jiang disciple shrugs, "Punishment, you know how it is." 

"For what?" He demands, catching Wei Ying's elbow and turning him around. The willingness to touch him stuns Wei Ying momentarily, enough for Wangji to get a good look at the brutal devastation written on Wei Ying's back. 

Wei Ying clears his throat and shrugs, "It's more of a preemptive punishment? Madam Yu knew I would cause trouble here, of course." He chuckles.

"Preemptive punishment?" He asks softly, the very notion troubling him. 

Wei Ying shrugs again but doesn't attempt to explain when it is clear Wangji isn't willing to indulge him.

"Wei Ying,"

"Lan Zhan," Wei Ying starts to move towards the shore, "Don't worry about things that don't concern you. Your head will forever be burdened if you do."

Wangji feels something in him recoil at such a blunt dismissal. 

"Doesn't concern me? How can it not concern me?" He wants to ask but is unable to. 

Wei Ying has made him very uncomfortable with his forward personality and near constant teasing, but Wangji has seen the genuine offer of friendship underneath it all. 

He has always spurned it. 

As Wei Ying climbs onto the shore, his wounds red against his naturally pale skin, Wangji makes a decision, "Would you not feel concerned if it were me?" He asks but he already knows the answer.

He already knows this man enough.

"Of course," Wei Ying says and shrugs on his robes, hiding a wince but unable to help his body's reaction to pain, "But you and I are different." He glances over his shoulder at Wangji, "I consider you my friend," He says, "But you don't consider me yours."

His breath stills at the acceptance in Wei Ying's tone.

"And that's alright." The Jiang disciple waves and walks away, "Don't worry too much, Lan Zhan. This one isn't weak. The wounds will heal within a few days."

---

"The facts are these - Wei-gongzi is punished preemptively with Zidian, often enough that there are deep scars on his back," Lan Xichen explains, "I assume it is his Golden Core keeping him from sustaining permanent damage."

Lan Qiren is still bristling at the very thought of preemptive punishment. What a ridiculous notion! Of course, the child doesn't care about rules and upsetting people! He has already been punished enough to excuse everything but outright treason.  

How is such a method effective? How does it correct a child's misbehavior? 

"The Jiang Sect disciples are accustomed to their da-shixiong being punished in their stead. They actively encourage it. Jiang Wanyin has asked Wei-gongzi to sneak in alcohol. And he refused to come forward when Wei-gongzi was punished." Xichen takes a deep breath, "I believe any lingering issues he may have because of his early days as a street orphan-"

"Are ignored," Lan Qiren concludes grimly, "It is no wonder the child has such strong cultivation. He is facing strife constantly."

"Is there a way to rescue him?" Wangji asks after being grimly silent for the entire meeting, "Get him away from the Jiang Sect?"

Lan Qiren eyes him, "Wangji, the situation is complicated. He's still the Jiang Head Disciple and sects don't just part with their high ranking disciples."

Xichen smiles sympathetically, "We'll find a way to pressure Jiang-zongzhu into taking action. He'll lose face if the other Sects know how his lady is treating their Head Disciple." He shakes his head at Wangji's expression, "Let us think about it. Meanwhile, you just need to be there for your friend, Wangji."

Lan Qiren arches a brow, "Friend? Wangji, I thought you disliked the boy."

Wangji purses his lips, a stubborn light entering his eyes, "Wei Ying is my friend." He insists, resolve lining his every word. 

He looks at Xichen, who just looked amused, "According to Wei-gongzi, he considers Wangji a friend and will be very concerned if Wangji was in a similar situation," He huffs, "But Wangji doesn't consider Wei-gongzi his friend, so there's no need for Wangji to worry."

Lan Qiren closes his eyes and rubs his forehead in an uncharacteristic display of frustration, "That boy is a singular menace."

---

Wangji pursues friendship with all the dedication in his being. He learns to cook savory dishes and gives them to Wei Ying every day. Wei Ying, unable and utterly unwilling to deny, eats it all. 

He glares the Jiang disciples into submission whenever they attempt to draw Wei Ying into mischief. The Jiang Head Disciple is fully exempt from corporal punishment. Instead, he spends hours in the library either copying rules, rewriting classics, or transcribing Buddhist texts. 

All of these activities prove to be much more effective punishments.

Meanwhile, Lan Qiren attends a Discussion Conference and has word with Jiang Fengmian. 

The response is a gentle order from the Jiang-zongzhu for Wei Ying. He asks his disciple to remain in Cloud Recesses for Musical Cultivation training. He also mentions it is time for Jiang Wanyin to take up Head Disciple responsibilities and learn true leadership. 

Wei Ying eyes the smiling Lan Xichen and impassive Lan Qiren sharply but doesn't say anything.

In two years time, the distance between Wei Ying and the Jiang Sect grows. The distance between Wei Ying and Lan Zhan ceases to exist. 

Just like that, Wei Wuxian's destiny changes.

[iamanartichoke]

Another totally unprompted ask, on the assumption that you are definitely no longer in need of them… another thing I’m trying to work out about Loki characterisation in preparation for perpetrating fic torture on him is how suicidal the poor sod is most of the time. This is another thing I’ve seen referred to a lot but only in passing. Though obviously this is a pretty triggery topic, so ignore if you want.

I am always in need of totally unprompted asks, otherwise I just assume no one wants to talk to me lmao

So, hoo boy. I have been mulling over this for, apparently, three days now bc there's just ... there's a lot to unpack here. Putting under a cut for obviously triggery content and also for length bc fml.

In my opinion, the response to "how suicidal is Loki most of the time" is "very, but whether or not he wants to do anything about it varies from moment to moment" (see what I did there? I'll see myself out). In other words, I have always had a headcanon that Loki is consistently, passively suicidal. This is a headcanon that comes straight from TDW, bc I'm certain that Loki never had any intention of surviving their mission. And that could be a whole other post, really, but the point is that even though this is a TDW-centric headcanon, I have come to adopt it as applying to Loki in general as well, not just in those specific circumstances.

When I say passively suicidal, I mean that Loki is just sort of ambivalent about the value of his own life. He feels like he doesn't deserve to be alive, and feels like there's little point in being alive. Which - I don't mean to sound all gloom and doom, like, poor uwu emo Loki (and I kinda hate that I have to pause to disclaim that, no, I don't just have a fixation on Loki being depressed for funsies/the aesthetic/whatever); I think that this mindset stems from really complicated places that I'm not sure I can articulate, but I will try.

I view Loki as someone who suffers from a severe inferiority complex, and I feel like it stems from being abandoned as an infant. Loki's life started with a traumatic event and, even if he doesn't remember the event itself, the feelings he experienced stayed in his subconscious. Feelings of loss, of fear, of despair and abandonment, of suffering - these are all feelings that burrowed into his bones and lived there for his entire life, feelings that colored how Loki viewed himself as a person as well as how he compared to the people around him.

Keep in mind that Loki didn't know he was abandoned until the events of Thor 1, obviously. We don't really know how old Loki is, in human years, but I have always assumed that he and Thor were at least adults (not teenagers), maybe the equivalent of early twenties - and the reason I bring that up is because it means Loki made it all the way to adulthood carrying the weight of a trauma that he did not remember or even knew had happened, so to him, there was no real reason for how wrong he felt. There was no explanation for the feelings of loss, of neglect, of fear. So on top of struggling with those feelings, Loki was also burdened with the alienation that comes with wondering why one can't just be like everyone else, why one can't just "snap out" of depression, why one's sense of self-worth has always been lacking.

So imagine what it's like to grow up as Loki. He was traumatized as an infant. The trauma has been with him his entire life, along with the confusion/alienation of not understanding why he feels the way that he does, and then on top of that, his basic personality lends itself toward introspection and isolation, so he likely felt even further removed from Thor and from his peers. Loki's too smart for his own good, and he's got an enormous capacity to feel and I feel like this is a combination that works against him as much as it does for him, bc it probably means he spent a lot of time examining himself and identifying all of his perceived flaws - and then berating himself for said flaws.

People with depression are probably pretty familiar with the bully that lives in your head, the one who is always there to remind you that you're stupid, or ugly, or that nobody likes you, or that you have nothing of value to contribute to anyone, etc. Loki's no different; he's got that bully in his head, too. Add onto this the fact that his brother is literally perfect, that he feels his father doesn't love him (or love him as much), that his interests in things like magic are looked down on in his culture, and that he's a prince (meaning that along with the privilege comes pressure, and being in the public eye, knowing that everyone around him is comparing him to Thor as much as he compares himself to Thor, well.) and you have a total clusterfuck of a mindset, and Loki's been existing inside of that clusterfuck for nearly all of his life.

I always go back to the quote where, when filming I think the vault scene, Kenneth Branagh directs Tom by saying, "This is the moment where the thin steel rod holding your brain together snaps." And it's such a significant moment for Loki bc this is where it all crumbles for him, learning the truth, but I also fixate on the "thin steel rod" part of the quote bc that's not how one would describe a healthy, stable person's mind. The implication, to me, has always been that Loki wasn't that stable to start with due to his general upbringing, his internal struggles, and his personality, so of course the devastation of learning he's adopted, and Jotun, would send him over the edge. One doesn't go from zero to 60; one doesn't fall over the edge unless they were balancing fairly close to it in the first place. And to me, the "thin steel rod" basically equals the aforementioned clusterfuck of a mindset.

THE POINT IS. (Holy shit, I ramble.) This is the foundation on which I'm basing my headcanon that Loki neither values his life nor feels as if he even deserves to live it - bc his default mindset is one of inferiority, of loss, of pain. And I think that going from being a general unstable person pre-canon to being passively suicidal post-canon is a thing that happened because, somewhere between the vault in Thor 1 and the dungeons in TDW, Loki just stopped caring.

Life is exhausting for everyone, but even moreso when your mental load becomes more than you can carry. Loki is exhausted. His experience is that things just keep getting worse and worse for him - he's never been valued, he's always been found wanting. He discovers that he was literally thrown away as an infant, unwanted and left to die, and things haven't gotten much better for him since then. Everything that can go wrong, does go wrong. His plans spin out of control. He's unable to prove his worth and his value and when he is, in fact, rejected, he literally tries to kill himself (only to survive and end up in an even worse situation).

It all just continually goes downhill, and Loki is fucking exhausted. He's done. He has no hope that anything is ever going to change - he will never be valued or even seen, he's unable to connect to anyone, he has no family (aside from Thor, but their relationship is so fraught with pain). As far as he's concerned, his life has been nothing but a waste since he was born and if no one else values it, why should he?

So - passively suicidal. He places no value on his life, and doesn't shy away from situations that could cost him his life. It's possible that the only reason he's not actively suicidal is bc his previous attempt not only failed but led to such a horrible situation that he's probably too afraid to intentionally seek out death again. He doesn't want to fail and end up worse off for it.

And - not that you asked this in particular, but - my biggest disappointment in the series is that none of what I've just written is addressed in a satisfying way (to me). That is, we don't get any real explicit acknowledgement of the trauma of Loki's abandonment as a baby or how that affected his mental health growing up; we don't get to explore how devastated he was to learn of his adoption; we don't ever see him reconcile his ingrained belief that jotuns are monstrous savages with the fact that he is jotun. He says "I betrayed everyone I loved, but I'm different now" and we're supposed to infer what he means without Loki actually articulating why he feels that he's the only one who should be held responsible for all these things that had happened or what "I've changed" even means to him (aside from not betraying Sylvie).

I would have liked to see these things addressed for a lot of reasons, but one of those reasons is that I would want to see how Loki comes to terms with all of his issues and his pain enough that he stops being passively suicidal. We never get to see that; after TDW, the time that passes allows for Loki to kinda chill, resulting in the Ragnarok version, but if there was any real healing or recovering going on, it was happening off-screen, with the audience expected to just go with "yeah Loki was going through it for awhile but he's kinda better now."

Furthermore, much of what I've written here is based on prime Loki's development through TDW, but doesn't account for series Loki's split from that timeline nor the theme of "Lokis survive" that's so prevalent in the series. So I don't think the "passively suicidal" headcanon is really appropriate for series Loki but, at the same time, I'd like to have seen why. I'd like to have seen Loki learning to value his life, or where the "we survive" mindset comes from, since that's not really been a thing before now. (Out of universe, I suspect it comes from the context of Loki just not dying whenever he tries to, but since TDW and IW haven't happened, and Loki didn't intend to survive his fall from the bifrost, framing Loki as an innate survivor doesn't really make sense, but to be fair, I'm just being picky.)

So, yeah. I'm not saying Loki doesn't experience growth or development in the series, I'm just saying that his arc left much unsaid and, furthermore, framing his growth as "wanting a throne to not wanting a throne" without addressing that Loki doesn't actually want the power of the throne, he wants the value and self-worth he associates with the throne, is - well, again, unsatisfying. Not bad, but it leaves viewers like me wanting bc we're cognizant of how much more could have been done.

I ... am going to end this now. This is probably nonsensical and all over the place, so I'm very sorry, and I'm sure this is why I don't get meta-starter asks lmfao bc no one's out here trying to read my dissertation submission for a Ph.D in Loki, but well, sometimes it just be like that.

Thank you for the ask and the opportunity to ramble.

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Hey, do you have anymore thoughts on Membrane's parents? I know we only got a brief glimpse of them, but they're so interesting yet there's so little fan content about them. That, or I'm looking in the wrong place haha.

Ps. If I am looking in the wrong tags or place could you please direct me to the right ones?

Ah, I talked a little bit about Membrane’s parents here during my first ramblings of the quarterly and I did talk a little about that headcanon here but I might as well repeat it again. 

Like I do find it interesting, the idea that his parents are scientists. Like Membrane tried following in his parents’ footsteps and unintentionally put that pressure onto Dib as he grew up... but for me personally, there’s just a lot of reasons this doesn’t make sense.

Like Why is adult Professor Membrane the brand and face of Membrane Labs and Membrane Enterprises when it was apparently a company he inherited from his parents? Of course, it could be that Membrane did make Membrane Labs himself and his parents were just scientists and Membrane Labs wasn’t really founded, but that makes less sense.

I always kinda viewed Membrane as someone who appreciated the value and effort of hard work ethic and built everything from the ground up with his bare hands and became the World Famous Man of Science all his own and it was his Legacy. Kinda like Scroodge McDuck and his fortune. Making Membrane inherit a company from his parents kinda loses a bit for me for him as a character. 

Why did his Parents give him socks for Christmas and claim it was from Santa? They know what Uranium238 is. I’m certain of that. It could have been a Christmas Story situation like “you’ll shoot your eye out kid” but Santa is the one who gives their kids the “cool gifts” I thought every parents knew that. It’s just one of those unspoken rules...... but like... to give him socks...

Like were they really that cruel? It’s kinda hard to say...  But it does kinda paint a bad image that they did have 100% the capabilities to give him what he wanted for Christmas... and they never bothered to explain to Membrane WHY he was given socks. 

LIKE LOOK, THESE TWO FUCKS LEAVE MEMBRANE IN THE DARK FOR YEARS ABOUT THE TRUTH OF SANTA CLAUS JUST CAUSE THEY DON’T WANT TO ADMIT THEY FUCKED UP, EVEN WHEN HE PROBABLY WENT TO FAR:

I can only assume that these two science parents are dead, just from how Membrane regards them when he holds that photoframe...(and the fact that we never see them) but honestly, they were probably still around when he was a teenager and still dedicating a portion of his life to destroying santa...

I know Membrane is as thick-headed and stubborn as Dib, so maybe they tried to explain it to him, and Membrane didn’t listen, or his parents suck at explaining things... but like.... come on...  it’s your direct responsibility for unleashing this childhood santa trauma/rage....  You owe it to Membrane to be direct with him... 

But then again, Dib never listens when his Dad tries to explain what he thinks about Aliens, Cause Membrane doesn’t Not believe in aliens. He in fact says so in the show.

So perhaps they were and he just didn’t listen... there’s that...

Why is this family so obsessed with seeking the truth, but don’t listen to anyone’s opinions who are different from their own.... sigh this family.

But in any point, they could have at least said why they can’t give him Uranium238... but if they do, it’s off-screen and no further context is provided to the audience... 

It just makes sense for me that either Membrane’s family is poor, or they didn’t know what Uranium238 is... Making his Parents be scientists as well just throws a whole bunch of questions about just.... everything about this situation. It really makes me ask:

“Did his parents not give it to him because it was dangerous?”

“Or did they give him socks cause they were that unaware of what their son wanted?”

“Did they just give him socks cause they were that cruel as Membrane didn’t want to believe?” 

“If so, why socks? Why not a rocket ship or a science playset or baking volcano kit or something?” 

It just raises a whole lot more questions.

A more simple explanation that gets rid of those questionable morale questions is that his Parents were poor from a humble upbringing and could only afford him socks for Christmas. It’s a more logical and simple explanation and it’s far more cleaner than having his parents be scientists in this. 

Another thing that bothers me is Membrane’s “childhood home” in general. Look at this place:

This huge place, with a giant rocket ship, dressed to the nines in Christmas decorations.

It also very clearly shows the interior. 

We see the living room couch, and multiple Christmas trees and this huge rocketship/missle thing front and center.

And if we compare it to Membrane’s childhood home in the Invader Zim episode this is supposed to be taking place in:

Now I know that the Invader Zim show has a darker color palate than the comics and even the Netflix movie, but I’m not talking about colors here...

A smaller tree that practically touches the ceiling, Fluorescent overhead lighting,  something that looks like a couch or a side table with noticeable stains on it... garland pinned to the walls with a lower ceiling... 

This looks NOTHING at all like how Membrane’s “childhood home” is like in the comics...

This is obviously not a wealthy home, or the home of a respected enterprise as shown in the comics. 

Now, I know this franchise has a thing for inconsistencies. Canon is basically non-canon. There is no continuity, and there is no continuous timeline of events... but to model Professor Membrane’s childhood home so vastly different from this brief flash in the show, that’s a pretty big one... 

So me and @paketdimensioncomic made a theory that can kind of coincide with our fics... 

We think that 

SUPER PERFECT SCIENTIST PARENTS.....  are what Membrane wishes his parents were probably like.

And that he lied to the press about his humble origins and upbringing. He didn’t want them to know that he grew up poor because it would be something constantly brought into question everytime he posed everything... He didn’t want his parents talked about in the media at all, especially if they were passed by the time he became successful. 

So... I think Membrane’s scientist parents are an elaborate lie. He told the press. I mean, He is a scientist, he always wanted to be a scientist, he is good at being a scientist and both of his parents were scientists...

I mean... He didn’t seem too concerned about the photo of his supposed parents.. he even threw it to the wall when his son called:

RIP parents.... he hardly knew you.

Do I think the Membrane Science Grandparents have a cool design and I want to see more fan content on them? Absolutely! Go nuts!

Do I think that Membrane’s parents being scientists makes little to no sense and was just kinda made for the sake of a dumb joke without giving too much thought about how it would lessen Membrane as a character if he were just leaching off his parent's success this whole time? And does it poke a lot of holes in the idea of why his parents gave him socks as santa at all? Absolutely.

I think it’s far more likely that Membrane built up this backstory of “I was always a scientist since birth” to the press and has more fake photoshopped photos around the house to show the press when the topic of his parents actually come up.

Basically, the fandom has been around for a long time you can do what you want with Membrane parent theories because as far as I’m concerned, I always appreciated the vibe of “Poor upbringing Membrane who learned the value of hard work and unintentionally became a workaholic because of it and really put too much value in work to the point he’s unintentionally neglectful towards his own offspring the same as his father was to him” 

Rather then.... “Science parents go brrr”

But again, just my headcanon.

And I always love people drawing the science parents. 

But @esthyradler‘s Farmer Membrane Parents are definitely my favorites. 

[movedtovervainbrokemyheart]

plots please :3

⤏ send me “plots please”

… and I’ll respond with  3  (or more)  interesting  plots / relationships / connections  I can think of for our muses!   There is  no pressure  for us to write any of them,   but it’s a great starting point for you to get a sense of how I think our muses might interact and what sorts of plots I’m most interested in happening between them  - so don’t be shy! @hxrbingxr

I looked at Eira's bio and read what was there so far. If anything I propose here isn't in line with your thoughts/vibes/or anything that hasn't been posted just let me know. We can work it out or I can pick some other muses for you to work with! I just went Marvel because Eira's a Marvel OC.

So I was thinking maybe a plot with MCU Peter maybe around Far from Home time. We can either acknowledge that he was snapped or we can do it in the verse where he wasn't. I'm fine either way. But maybe Eira is there and feels like she has to look after Peter after Tony dies ( if we go endgame canon ) and so she follows him on his trip/mission. She's obviously butting heads with probably Fury I assume. Although, maybe Maria too but to a lesser extent. It's mostly fine though until she meets Mysterio and given how shifty people have been over the years after her entire situation with Stane, she's getting big alarm bells, and waving the red flags. She tries to convince Peter not to trust him. But Peter ( even if he hadn't been snapped ) is still fairly young and wants to believe the best in people and so the movie plays out as it did. But, when things get leaked at the end, instead of saying 'i told you so', she tells him that they'll find a way to fix it. And we can go from there. I'm getting big sis/lil bro vibes.

Since Eira is close with Tony ( i know she kind of is with mine anyway ), maybe post Endgame if we go canon route, Steve goes to return the stones, but he comes back with someone and it's none other than young Howard Stark. He's big confused and also doesn't get what's happening. I mean you could do like I said with some other people involving Howard or endgame time travel, the branch reality situation, or you could have it that Steve broke the main one. Either way, plucking Howard out of the past will cause some sort of issues, and how does Eira really deal with staring at a dead man who has a dead son she was daughter like with?

I know you said when we spoke about Bucky that you love 40's verses. So I had thought what if we did an AU where Eira had existed then. We could find a way to fit her in. We can have her know Steve pre serum or not. The city is a large place. So less they were both in Brooklyn, it's possible they didn't know each other, cause you know NYC. If they did then that would lend to a certain dynamic. But if not, she could work with Howard and Peggy and meet Steve during the experiment or right after his big transformation. Everyone's treating him like some hero or a dancing monkey, some sort of pawn, and she could be that person aside from Bucky that doesn't see him as anyone but Steve which means that even if he does wake up 70 years in the future and she's not there, he'll remember her, and hold onto that memory.

[panharmonium]

I'm curious if you have any headcanon/any fic plans or just ideas about how Hunith learnt Will knew about Merlin's magic. Sorry if you already talked about it and has slipped out of my attention!

Oh my gosh, any message that asks me about Will or Hunith or Ealdor in any fashion makes me so happy; thank you!  

I'll avoid drawing up an outline for an exact scenario, only because I am always writing more fic about Merlin’s pre-Camelot life and if I end up deciding to actually do this in a fic I’ll be mad at myself for already typing it all out in meta XD  I will, however, talk about some general thoughts, because I do have solid opinions about certain aspects of this whole thing (all my own, obviously; folks are free to imagine this in different ways - these are just my own personal inferences from the canon we’re given).

Putting this under a cut because it got long - you always write me such detailed notes that I wanted to be thorough! <3

So!  Here are some of my thoughts about how Hunith learnt that Will knew about Merlin’s magic.

i. it was not careless.  

In my opinion, Will and Merlin, by the age where we meet them in canon, are not out there goofing around with Merlin’s magic in risky ways.  It doesn’t make sense for Merlin, who is old enough to understand the dangers to his own life and who is also desperately committed to making sure his mother never finds out that Will is in the know (because Merlin knows it won’t go well), and it definitely doesn’t make sense for Will, who, despite his fanon reputation for mischief, is...not actually shown to be like that in canon.

I talked before in my big meta dump about Will that I very much do not read the “he’s always been a troublemaker” line to be indicative of the “pranks and shenanigans” theme that I tend to see in a lot of fic.  The “troublemaker” line, in context, is not referring to Will causing mischief; it’s about Will’s inability to shut his mouth and stop stirring the pot, in the sense of him yelling about stuff that nobody else wants to think about; it’s about him not being able to put his head down and go with the flow.  It’s immediately followed by the line “they’re used to ignoring him,” and what we’re being told here is that Will is the cousin who can’t stop himself from getting political at the holiday dinner table even when the rest of the family is begging him to let them have one single meal in peace.  He cannot let things go, and the rest of his neighbors are completely sick of it (see: Hunith’s ZERO patience with Will when he challenges Arthur in front of the community).

Canon Will, in contrast to some fanon interpretations, is actually a very intense, guarded person?  He’s suspicious and pragmatic and risk-averse.  And I just think it’s important to remember that Will, in his current situation, does not have a lot of time to be messing around.  He was orphaned and left to run a whole homestead as a child.  That’s like...he’s doing the work of an entire family.  Life in Ealdor already leaves little room to slack off, and Will is completely overburdened - somebody in his situation would be desperately busy, almost all of the time, and always on the verge of a potential disaster, if he fell behind on anything.  

So I just don’t read him as someone who is out doing silly things with Merlin in a way that got them discovered by Hunith.  Like - Merlin isn’t careless enough to be goofing off in his own house, for example, and Will isn’t a character who’s daring Merlin to do foolish things for the fun of it.  Merlin is comfortable using his magic around Will, definitely, and we know he’s had at least one mishap in the past (the tree), but at this point in their lives, I don’t see either of them as frivolous or clueless enough to use magic in a way that could get them caught by anyone, or for the purpose of risky/trivial games.

ii. merlin was the one who let it slip

I personally think the lead-up to Hunith discovering Will’s involvement was preceded by two things:

an increase in external stressors (related to the political situation between Camelot and Cenred’s kingdom), making Merlin’s position in Ealdor progressively more precarious/dangerous

Merlin becoming increasingly frustrated, rebellious, and unwilling to hide himself the way his mother wanted him to

The first point is something that I've incorporated into fic, so I think @blueclaw7 is already familiar with it :)  But essentially, when I was collecting info on Ealdor and Cenred's kingdom prior to a previous fic-writing endeavour, there were a few things that led me to wonder just what sort of trouble was brewing in that corner of the world, prior to Merlin's departure:

We know that Cenred makes agreements with slave traders, allowing them to work certain areas of his land without interference (see: Cenred's discussion with Morgause about Jarl in 3.12 - “He's been working our western border for months...We have an understanding.”)  Cenred likely would not allow this unless it benefited him in some way, so I think we can safely assume that he is receiving some sort of kickback from allowing slavers to operate in his kingdom, either in the form of financial compensation or perhaps by having people like Jarl on-call in case Cenred himself needs specific targets rounded up.

We also know that sometime prior to 1.10, Cenred's kingdom and Camelot signed some sort of peace treaty, which according to Uther was “years in the making.”  We're not told how long the two kingdoms had been enemies before that, but my personal interpretation is that they have been at odds for a long time, because the peace treaty doesn’t appear to be very successful - by 2.12, Uther says, “Our treaty with Cenred no longer holds.  We are at war,” despite the fact that we actually haven't even met Cenred in the show yet and he hasn't attacked Camelot or anything (he doesn't agree to do that until Season 3, when Uther is incapacitated and the kingdom is weak).  Uther also later refers to Cenred as Camelot’s “sworn enemy.”  So the treaty just appears to have been a temporary, shaky peace between kingdoms that are frequently in conflict, the terms of which we are not privy to.

We know that Uther “offers a handsome reward for anyone with magic” (2.09, when the bounty hunter shows up with Freya), and we know that normal people will turn others over to bounty hunters for their own benefit (“How did he find you?” / “You can't always trust people.”)

We know that Aredian (the witchfinder) has been operating “in foreign lands” (aka, not Camelot).

So, the question I asked myself was this: why would Cenred and Uther even agree to a peace treaty in the first place, when their kingdoms are clearly constantly at odds with one another?  And looking at the other tidbits of information above, the framework I constructed for myself was that I personally think part of the aforementioned treaty involves Cenred turning people with magic over to Uther - and perhaps allowing Uther's agents over the border to do their own hunting - in exchange for some kind of compensation (probably financial).  We know Cenred is greedy (he's aiming to conquer Camelot even though he is, per his own words, “rich and powerful already”), and we know he canonically has the means to give Uther what he wants (agreements with slave traders working within his borders).  And given that the treaty appears to have been a fairly recent development in 1.10, my personal read is that this treaty was signed sometime before Merlin left Ealdor, and that it prompted an uptick in dangerous activity that frightened Merlin's mother and made her more willing to send him away.  Bounty hunters nabbing people on the road, slave traders being given the freedom to operate without interference, rumors of single agents like the Witchfinder roaming the countryside - all of this would lead to the far more immediate concern of “what happens if somebody in Ealdor thinks Merlin might be magic and decides to make a quick shilling by turning him in????”

I think that is Hunith's biggest concern.  Ealdor is poor.  And Merlin himself says his departure was prompted by not being able to trust the people around him.  When Freya tells him, “you can't always trust people,” he replies, “I know.  That's why I left home.”  And if there were suddenly a higher demand for people with magic, due to Cenred and Uther's arrangement, then there would be more incentive for regular people to look for a way they could turn it to their advantage, especially if they've already been conditioned to see magic as an evil/dangerous thing.  

I think this leads to Hunith being even more cautious, and putting even tighter restrictions on Merlin re: where he can go and when he can be out and who he can go wandering around with, and even on using magic for little things at home where no one can see.  And the problem with this is that Merlin won't tolerate it anymore, not the way he did when he was younger.  Not because he doesn't want to listen to her or because he doesn't understand that she's trying to help him, but because he just can't.  He can't.  It's killing him.  He tells Gaius in 1.01, “if I can't use magic, I might as well die,” and that’s not just him being dramatic; he really feels that way.  He doesn’t just have magic, he is magic.  He can't suppress it that way, without feeling like he's killing himself.

So, to bring us back around to the point of this segment - I think what ends up happening is that Merlin starts pushing back on Hunith’s restrictions, not so he can goof around and do stupid things, but so he can live his life in a way that doesn't make him feel like he's suffocating, so he can just be, without feeling like his entire existence is a crime.  I think the increased pressure drives him more and more frequently to Will, the only person around whom Merlin can exist as a complete person, and I think he becomes increasingly resistant to his mother's directives, and I think his mother gets more and more frustrated with him, because she sees it as him needlessly risking his life, but Merlin is tired of hearing that he can't trust anybody, because he CAN trust somebody; he has somebody to trust right now and he’s had them for ages, and he doesn't think things have to be so dire all the time, if his mother would just see that, but she won't -

And then, when his frustration reaches a boiling point, Merlin accidentally spills the beans.

I don't think Hunith walks in on Merlin doing magic in front of Will, personally.  I think Merlin slips up and tells her, in the course of their increasingly frequent, tense conflicts between “you can't trust ANYBODY/things are too dangerous” and “i CAN trust somebody/i can’t live like this anymore.” 

I think he lets it slip in an argument, as a frustrated justification for “it doesn't have to be like this all the time; things could be better; will's known about it for X years and nothing bad has ever happened to me.”  

And then, of course, it goes very, very badly.

Which brings us to Point #3 -

iii. it was a Disaster.

What I mean by this is that Hunith discovering that Will knew about Merlin’s magic was not a chill situation.  It did not go over well, and it created an interpersonal crisis between the three of them that persists all the way into 1.10.

We’ve already heard canon confirmation of this - “when she found out you knew, she was SO angry” - and it’s obvious that this conflict was never resolved.  I’ve already talked in another post about Hunith’s weird disinterest in/disapproval of Will in favor of Arthur (even after Will’s death!), and Will clearly isn’t feeling very generous with her in 1.10, either - they only interact once, when Hunith snaps at Will to “keep quiet” after he challenges Arthur in front of the village, and after that, they never talk again.  They never go anywhere near each other, in fact.

I know fandom likes to headcanon Hunith as the ultimate mom who is super generous with everyone and would instantly adopt all of Merlin’s friends out of an overabundance of motherly love, but 1.10 tells a very different story about her relationship with Will, and it’s clearly not a completely new issue.  Merlin knew his mother wouldn’t react well to finding out that he’d shared his secret with Will.  It’s why he lied in the first place.  Whatever the relationship between the three of them was before the reveal, Merlin knew that a history of positive interactions wouldn’t make a difference if the truth came out.  His mother would never be okay with Will knowing.

And he was right!  Because Hunith finding out the truth fractures that relationship.  It’s what finally prompts Hunith to send Merlin away.  And that, of course, makes things worse, because a) Will never did anything to deserve that reaction, and b) as I’ve talked about in another post, Merlin disappears without even telling Will he’s leaving.  He just vanishes.  And Will, blindsided, is left in Ealdor with Hunith, who was party to that decision, and he is so...I don’t even know how to describe how full of grief and rage I would be, if I were in his situation.  Merlin was the only good thing in Will’s life. 

I don’t think Will wants to be anywhere near Hunith, after that.  I think he avoids her like the plague.  I think the only reason Will even knows anything about where Merlin is or what he’s doing is because Hunith is careful to chat about it with other people in casual conversation, while Will is within earshot (hence why Will later says, “I hear you’re skivvying for some prince”).  And I think Hunith is probably making a misguided attempt to be kind, by doing that - giving Will a way to stay sort of updated even though they’re not speaking to each other - but I also don’t think her efforts are effective, at all, because the only thing her secondhand updates do for Will is hammer home the fact that Merlin is writing to Hunith instead of him, that Merlin hasn’t directed Hunith to relay Will any message, that Merlin really did just leave without saying goodbye and apparently has no intention of contacting Will again.  And Will doesn’t know why Merlin did that, or what he did to make Merlin not want him anymore, but because Will is who he is, he ends up feeling like Merlin must have never cared about him that much in the first place, and it was just that Will misread the whole relationship; he got his hopes up and let his guard down and believed that somebody cared for him, and he should have known better, because everybody ALWAYS leaves him, and he was stupid to think this time would be different.  And he is so angry at himself, but he is also devastated, and impossibly lonely, because he has nobody in his life, and he has to just sit and simmer in his own pain, because Merlin is gone, and Will would rather crawl over a bed of hot coals than go anywhere near Hunith right now.

And I honestly don’t blame Will for avoiding her.  It’s like...I hate to put this on Hunith, because I do appreciate her in other areas, but there’s just no getting around this: the way she views and deals with Will is markedly different from the way she treats Merlin’s Camelot friends, even though she barely knows them, and despite the fact that she’s perfectly aware that Arthur hates sorcery.  She’s happy to ignore Merlin’s friendship with Will all throughout 1.10, even though that’s the relationship that is in the most desperate need of attention, and instead she chooses to focus on/encourage/praise Merlin’s relationships with people who hate the thing that makes him who he is.  And that is just so...bizarre to me, and I think...I really believe there is a part of Hunith that blames Will for everything that happened, even if it’s subconscious.  Like - I think there’s a part of her that believes that if Will hadn’t found out about the magic, Merlin wouldn’t have been “in danger,” and she wouldn’t have been put in the difficult position of sending Merlin away.  I’m not sure if she truly believed Will was going to sell Merlin to a bounty hunter when he got desperate enough for money (see above re: Will’s situation being a precarious one, survival-wise), or if it was more her fear that Merlin would be too trusting now that one person had accepted him (what if Merlin went and told someone else, because it worked out the first time???  What if he let this thing with Will lull him into a false sense of security?)  But whatever her reasons, she still ends up pushing Will away.  She never treats him with the same kind of solicitous interest that she extends to Merlin’s new companions, and I do think it all comes back to that moment when she found out that he knew.

It’s hardly rational, given what we know about how dedicated Will actually is to protecting Merlin’s secret.  And I don’t think Hunith is like...actively taking it out on him.  But the attitude is still present, as an undercurrent, and I have to be honest about this: the feeling I get from Hunith in 1.10 (and the vibe that I imagine Will was getting from her while Merlin was gone) is that she thinks Merlin is much better off now that he’s moved on from Ealdor, and that leaving Will behind was ultimately best for everyone, and that Will needs to just get over it and understand that he’s not a part of Merlin’s life anymore, so everyone can be happy that Merlin has met such fantastic, fascinating new friends. 

That’s what I hear her saying, when I see the way she completely ignores him while simultaneously loving on the Camelot crew.  That’s what Will hears, too, even if she doesn’t say it out loud.  

And honestly, my heart breaks for him.  He deserved more than that. 

(tangentially, but - I think it bears mentioning, given certain fic trends I have seen, that Merlin himself does not share this viewpoint.  Merlin has never and will never consider his new friends to be a “step up” from Will, and he has never and will never consider Will to be a “past” or less immediate part of his life.  Even after Will is dead, Merlin refuses to tolerate even the barest suggestion of this from anybody - when Arthur tries to say that Will “was a close friend,” Merlin corrects him, saying “He still is.”  Will is just as relevant and meaningful to Merlin in Camelot as he was when Merlin was still at home, and the fact that Hunith doesn’t assign Will as much importance anymore does not in any way correspond to Merlin’s own feelings on the subject.) 

So - the point of all this is just to say that Hunith finding out about Will isn’t an event that ends with all of them coming together and collectively deciding to send Merlin to Camelot while Will and Hunith promise to look after each other while Merlin is away.  Whatever relationship the three of them had before this happened, it’s broken after Hunith learns the truth.  Hunith and Will are completely done with each other, after Merlin leaves.  Merlin and Will are obviously plunged into an incredibly messy situation, thanks to Merlin vanishing without a word.  And even Merlin and his mother have tension - Merlin references the big blow-up to Will in 1.10, but there’s also a moment in episode 1.01, too, that is VERY subtle but also very telling, when Gaius says “your mother asked me to look after you.”  Merlin’s response is just, “Yes,” but the way he delivers it - he looks away, and his mouth tenses up, and there’s this little hesitation and then the tone is almost - rueful, like there’s more he’d like to say but he refrains.  It’s like a “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” vibe.  And the reason for that is because the circumstances under which his mother asked Gaius to look after him were a mess.  Merlin tells us straight-up in 1.10 that he didn’t want to leave home.  The entire thing was a disaster.

iv.  the reason hunith was “so angry” is because will did not find out about merlin's magic by accident

I think I've talked about this briefly before, but here it is in more detail: I am firmly convinced that Merlin told Will about his magic, as opposed to Will finding out accidentally.

It's not something we can actually know in a canon sense, obviously.  And I know the “Will almost has an accident and Merlin uses magic to help him” motif is more common in fic.  But the reason I’m so set on this is because of how Merlin describes Hunith's reaction to finding out that Will knew.  

“When she found out you knew - she was so angry.”  The way Merlin says that - he shakes his head, almost in awe, like it was something almost frightening to behold - the way he puts an emphasis on “so angry” - to me, this has always been an indication that Merlin voluntarily disclosed his magic to Will.  We know enough about Hunith to be familiar with how gentle and calm she is, and how much she loves Merlin, and how kind and understanding she is with him.  I think if she learned that Will had found out about Merlin's magic in an accidental way - ie, in a way Merlin could not have reasonably prevented - then even though she would still have wished that Merlin had told her sooner, she wouldn't have reacted in a way that made Merlin reflect on it like she was scary-angry.  I think she would have understood, if he explained that he'd been forced into a situation to use his magic to help someone or prevent a bad accident from happening.

However - if Merlin had TOLD Will about his magic, voluntarily, when he didn't have to, just because he felt like it, despite all of Hunith's warnings and all of her efforts to keep Merlin safe - that, I think, is something that would have prompted the kind of anger Merlin references.

To Hunith, that would be unconscionably reckless.  After all she's done to keep Merlin alive, after spending every day of her life sick and sleepless with worry - to have Merlin so easily throw her work away like that, in blatant defiance of every cautionary thing she's ever told him - it's a slap in the face.  Plus, Merlin is now in more danger (she thinks) which just amplifies her fear, and thus her fury.

But what she doesn’t understand is that Merlin didn't do it to hurt her.  He didn't do it because he doesn't appreciate how hard she works to keep him safe.  He did it because he had to.  There came a moment, at some point in the past, where he became so lonely and so desperate to be seen that he made a choice, took a risk, and put his life in someone else's hands.

And he was rewarded for that choice!  Merlin never, ever would have made it in Ealdor without Will’s honest companionship.  A Merlin who did not have a single friend to know and love him for those first two decades would have been utterly unrecognizable by the time he arrived in Camelot - if he even survived long enough to get there.

But Hunith doesn't understand the depth of Merlin's desperation.  She thinks that him telling Will was a foolish, uncalled-for risk, when for Merlin it was a lifesaving necessity.  

So, I think that this is part of what makes Hunith react so badly.  And I also think the severity of her reaction (and the ultimate tragic outcome that follows in 1.10) is something that lingers in Merlin’s mind for a long time, because he never willingly discloses his secret to anyone again.  Gaius and Lancelot find out by accident.  Freya, Gilli, and Daegal find out by necessity, because Merlin needs to leverage his magic in one way or another in order to save their lives.  Even Arthur is a forced confession, demanded by desperate circumstances.  

Merlin doesn't choose to reveal himself to those people.  It's something that's pushed onto him.  Will is a singular instance.  Merlin has only voluntarily shared his secret with one person - just because he wanted to, not because he was forced to, just because he trusted them, just because he wanted that connection so badly.  

And it leads to such painful consequences, in the end, that he never does it again.

in conclusion:

So, to summarize, my foundational thoughts on how this went down can basically be boiled down to those four things: it wasn't the result of carelessness, Merlin was the one who let it slip, it was a huge disaster with long-lasting consequences, and part of the reason why it went so badly is because Hunith found out that Merlin had voluntarily told Will about his magic, as opposed to Will finding out accidentally.  

But, as always, those are just my own personal thoughts about it, and I am still 100% happy to read about all sorts of differing envisionings of this scenario - nothing is confirmed in canon, obviously, so for people who imagine this event differently, have at it!  The world can always use a little more of Merlin’s pre-canon life, if you ask me. :D

[hayscodings]

Been thinking abt this ask for a bit, what is your take on Penelope's sexuality?

whew, okay, this is something feel very strongly about so i apologize for the length in advance.

there tend to be two camps of people in this fandom when it comes to interpreting penelope’s sexuality and they are: (1) antis/cheryl stans who consider her to be heterosexual because they refuse to entertain the idea that she might be gay since they hate her; (2) people who have never given her character a second thought but listened to her red dahlia monologue and missed the entire point of it decided it somehow made her a lesbian.

then there are the handful of people in the parentdale fandom who know neither of those interpretations have any merit. because here’s the thing: penelope has canonically been shown to be attracted to men, and at the very least it has been implied that she’s attracted to women.

so let’s start with the former: her attraction to men.

if we think about her timeline in chronological order, the first thing we have to take into consideration is the fact that she slept around quite a bit in high school. see: “oh, it’s not that different from when i was younger and i had my pick of gentleman callers lining up every evening”. it’s important to note she says this very fondly, to the point where she does that whole looking-up-dreamily bit that one does when reminiscing about the past. keep in mind that at the time she was already aware that she was promised to clifford, and that the blossoms surely wouldn’t have approved of her going around with other boys.

there is no reason to believe she was hooking up with these guys for any reason other than she enjoyed it. she obviously wasn’t encouraged to date by her parents, she didn’t have anyone to impress considering the fact wasn’t popular, and it’s not like she could have gone around advertising these encounters anyway since she would have had to have kept them a secret from the blossoms. so that throws out any “she was pressured into it”/“she was trying to convince other people that she was attracted to boys” possibilities. the fact that she happily recalled these memories to cheryl alone casts serious doubt on them.

why excitedly bring up the memories at all if they were just reminders of a time when she was suffering as a result of heteronormativity? it’s not like cheryl encouraged her to share, or gave any indication that she would be impressed by such a revelation. penelope has nothing to prove to cheryl, anyway. the most logical conclusion is the one you get when you take her words at face value: she experiences attraction to the opposite sex and had fun exploring her sexuality in her youth. we’ll circle back to this later when we get to the subject of how comfortable she feels with sex.

so after high school she marries clifford. it’s a forced marriage, and one neither she nor clifford consented to-- but it’s what their parents groomed them for since they were children and something they’ve known was inevitably coming for years. now, for the purposes of keeping this as short as possible and not veering off topic, i won’t get into a whole analysis of their dynamic. all i will say is this: they were depicted as being entirely comfortable with one another in season one. they may not have come across as passionate or romantic, but you could tell they were partners (always on the same page, experts at nonverbal communication, trusting of each other, etc.). and what’s more than that, is they were constantly initiating affectionate gestures with each other: linking arms, putting their hands on each other, standing close together, hugging, etc.

their marriage may have been forced, but penelope genuinely cared for and felt safe with clifford. even after he died, there was a lingering attachment to him. nevertheless, that doesn’t make their situation any less traumatic. no matter how comfortable they felt emotionally with one another, the fact that they were groomed to be life companions and eventually forced to have sex with one another and raise children together, remains a very traumatic experience regardless. and we know penelope is still traumatized by it because she’s talked about it time and time again. if she was only attracted to women, that would add a whole other layer of trauma to the situation.

because if she was only attracted to women, she wouldn’t want clifford anywhere near here irrespective of the fact that they were raised together. hell, she couldn’t even close her eyes and pretend he was someone else while they were having sex. and she certainly couldn’t attempt to get to a place where the sex wasn't so awkward and uncomfortable. every encounter would be an unpleasant, pained, and traumatic experience. to the point where i can’t imagine she would want to be the recipient of any physical contact from clifford, much less frequently initiate it. in this scenario, it wouldn’t just be clifford’s relation to her that she would have to cope with, it would also be the fact that he was a man. even just going through the motions of being his wife would make her feel isolated and miserable.

which brings us to her job in s2 and probably the most solid indication of her attraction to men. in s2, we learn that the blossoms are broke and penelope is faced with the reality that she needs to get a job. let’s start with what she does to pay for the christmas tree cheryl bought: sleep with vic. was it necessary for her to do this? was it the only avenue she could have possibly taken to come up with some money in those circumstances? of course not. christmas trees aren’t that expensive-- she could have easily pawned any number of valuables in thistle house to come up with the money. hell, she could have chosen some cheryl owned to teach her a lesson. or something nana owned. or she could have simply...returned the tree. there was absolutely no reason for her to decide to sleep with vic if it wasn't something she was perfectly comfortable doing. why would this be her go-to solution if she was only attracted to women? her options were plenty.

then after this, what does she do? gets a job as a courtesan. which she delightedly describes as “providing comfort and companionship to the lonely men of riverdale”. and, as cheryl notes in that scene, she seems quite proud of herself for it. i have a very hard time reconciling how any of this would make sense if she wasn’t attracted to men. you can’t argue she was solely in it for the money, because when cheryl offers her an out via the second nick st. clair check, penelope declines to quit. in her own words, “oh, but cheryl, why would i stop, when i’m having such a good time?”. what, pray tell, would be the good time she was having if she didn’t enjoy the sex she was having with these men? keep in mind that, at this point, she wasn’t even doing any dominatrix work. at this point it was very much implied that she was focused on providing the “girlfriend experience”. so you can’t even argue that her enjoyment came from feeling empowered by dominating these men or whatever.

furthermore, not only did she hand-pick this very specific job herself and refuse to quit it when strongly encouraged and given the chance to, but she also had other options, same as she did in the situation with the christmas tree. she could have turned to hiram like cheryl suggested, she could have worked at pop’s like hermione did in s1, talked to weatherbee about a position like alice, looked at the listings in the register, or asked around about any job opportunities at highsmith, you know, the very prestigious college she graduated from and donated tons of money to and apparently sat on the board of?? the point is, penelope didn’t have to turn to sex work to pay her bills if she didn’t want to. and even if she had, she could have stoped the second cheryl handed her that check and begged her to. penelope went into sex work because she wanted to. and she's vehemently voiced how much she enjoys her work continuously and consistently since then.

then there’s her relationship with hal. this is the second strongest indication of her attraction to men. why? because she genuinely had feelings for him. when cheryl approaches her about the affair, assuming it to be a transactional encounter, penelope explains that, “it’s different, with hal. he’s not a client. it’s real”. if you pay attention to her facial expressions in that scene, you can see that there’s a certain softness and vulnerability to them. the way she delivers the line is especially vulnerable-- and penelope so rarely shows vulnerability in front of cheryl, so that alone says a lot. she then asks cheryl to “please stay out of it”. now, we don’t get to see much if any of penelope’s relationship with hal, but the bits we do see let us know that it’s not just some salacious affair. at least, not on penelope’s end. after cheryl drives hal away penelope is visibly upset and accuses cheryl of driving away her “one decent chance at a better life”.

we don’t need to unpack all of that, because penelope feeling like she can’t be happy without a man is an entirely separate issue, but the point is: she sincerely cared for hal and saw herself being happy with him. when cheryl dismissively fires back with “if that’s your idea of love”, penelope defensively snaps, “what would you know about it?”. that’s not the reaction she would have had if she had simply pursued hal because she was bored or wanted to cause some drama or was merely trying to mess with alice or something. you can’t say she was with him for money either, because: (1) she already had money at this point, (2) hal isn’t wealthy, and (3) she wasn’t getting any money out of him anyway since he wasn't a client. and if she was just looking to get hitched and settle down with a man for money, she certainly wouldn’t have gone after a married, middle class one with kids. that would not be a sensible strategy.

it’s also worth noting that nat stated in several interviews back in s2, while the affair plot was airing, that she believed penelope had real feelings for hal. she explained that penelope was lonely and, thus, “looking for a bit of warmth from somewhere”. so that’s how she was playing it.

then there's the maple club. just in case it hadn’t been established enough how much she adores her job, she had to go ahead and open a kink club. there really isn’t any need to drive the ‘she actively enjoys sex work’ point further, as i feel it’s been made explicitly clear already, but i do want to make one note, and that is that penelope was still taking clients while she was a madame. we saw her holding props in like, every other scene, and she was shown wearing nightgowns. so if anyone, for whatever weird reason, assumed she only opened the maple club so she wouldn't have to participate in the sexual encounters herself, i am here to burst your bubble.

and finally, we come to the scene that launched a thousand bad takes: the scene of the red dahlia monologue. in that scene, penelope utters the infamous words, “not people betty, men. they are the true poison”. in context, it is very clear that she is speaking from her many personal experiences with shitty men, seeing as before she delivers that quote she categorically details some of the traumas she has endured at their hands-- the murder of her son by her husband being one of them. that’s all that quote is about! the pain and betrayal she’s experienced from shitty, morally reprehensible men! it has nothing to do with her sexuality, and to make it so is to ignore and take away from the seriousness of her trauma. nothing frustrates me more than to see people misinterpret that scene and reduce it to some man-hating lesbian narrative bullshit. y’all can save that nonsense for cheryl.

also, the fact people were so quick to ignore penelope’s attraction to men in favor of calling her a lesbian feels very biphobic to me, and i will not have it. rip to everyone who thinks being bisexual is just Gay Lite™ and refuses to even consider the possibility when a character is indicated to be attracted to the same sex, but i’m different. not that that scene was any indication that penelope is attracted to women-- it was not. mistrusting men and being disgusted by their actions does not a lesbian make. that is literally just being a woman. but anyway.

the last thing i want to say before i get into penelope’s attraction to women is that there is no way she would be so comfortable with sex, or so confident expressing her sexuality, if she was a lesbian whose sole experiences with sex had consisted of meaningless high school hookups and over two decades of forced marriage to her brother. that just doesn’t add up. if she were a lesbian, s2 would have gone very differently. clifford’s death would have been liberating in more ways than one, and the last thing she would have done after finally being free of having to endure a heterosexual relationship is sleep with a random man to pay for a christmas tree, get into sex work, and pursue a relationship with a man. and go on to open a kink club. that just doesn't make sense.

so onto her attraction to women. this doesn’t require as much of an explanation, so i’ll try to keep it short and sweet since i’ve already written an obscene amount of words trying to answer this ask. i honestly can’t remember when i first started headcanoning penelope as bisexual, but i know i had been entertaining the idea of her being attracted to women long before the flashback episode aired. i’m not sure what it was, the ~vibe was just there. when i first got into the fandom i followed several people who shipped penelope and alice, and, while i didn’t care for the ship at the time (embarrassing, i know), the idea of penelope being interested in women felt very natural to me. maybe it was the violently sapphic schoolteacher/librarian aesthetic she had going on in s1, maybe it was the fact that her whole energy screamed ‘repressed’ to me. actually, i do think the latter is what initially got me wondering.

and then nat starting theorizing that penelope was attracted to women and that was very validating. i was briefly hopeful they would go in that direction in s2, but of course it never happened.

but then the flashback episode aired and bitch ?????? that one scene with sierra was gay as hell. i’m still very confused about why they played up penelope’s crush on sierra only to never go anywhere with it in present time, but  i’ll take my crumbs. all of the looks penelope gave sierra in that episode, the way she ignored her vandalizing the bathroom mirror while she grilled alice and hermione for their hall passes, the way she set up a quest just to get everyone out of the room so she could be alone with sierra, the subtle scoot towards her and “looks like it’s just you and me for a little bit, sierra” line with that dorky ass grin, the linking arms and smiling at her in the hallway??? there was nothing heterosexual about that.

and then there was the random, low-key coding in 3x12 where we learned that penelope graduated from a college named after patricia highsmith, referenced the price of salt, and used the word sapphic.....i still have questions about all of this. are we just supposed to believe she reads lesbian novels for science? and casually references them in conversation? where did she learn the word sapphic? if i asked my mom what the word sapphic meant she would have no idea what is was talking about. some food for thought.

also....her scenes with alice. that’s all i have to say.

i’m probably missing some things here, but that’s the bulk of it. i apologize for letting this get away from me...i just have a lot of thoughts lmao. anyway, i hope this was at least somewhat insightful and coherent. i appreciate the ask!

[commentaryvorg]

Danganronpa V3 Commentary Extra: Rantaro’s Love Hotel Event

At one point I vaguely mentioned that I might make a post covering Rantaro’s Love Hotel event sometime. Unlike most of these events, Rantaro’s one is in fact very good, to the point that it might actually be my favourite piece of Rantaro content. So if I ever wanted to briefly talk about some of the things that are interesting about Rantaro that aren’t relevant in the main storyline, this is honestly the best way for me to do it.

(And maybe there’s also a not-so-Rantaro-specific reason I want to talk about this, too.)

Obligatory warning: this is side-mode bonus content, but I will be mentioning endgame spoilers; don’t read this if you haven’t finished the main story of the game.

First off, understanding this event requires knowledge of what we learn in Rantaro’s FTEs. So, while I don’t quite want to go out of my way to cover those line-by-line, here’s the gist of them for anyone who doesn’t know.

Rantaro’s family is fairly rich and travels around a lot, and one time while in a foreign country, he lost track of his little sister, who was supposed to be following behind him, and she vanished. Ever since then, he’s been doing everything he can to get her back, travelling all over the place and getting himself into all kinds of dangerous scenarios.

Rantaro feels as though his Ultimate should be something like Ultimate Useless Older Brother for letting this happen to his sister in the first place. But Shuichi concludes after hearing the story that maybe Rantaro’s actually the Ultimate Big Brother. It’s not Rantaro’s fault that he lost her, and he’s been trying so hard since then to get her back, essentially devoting his whole life to it, which sounds like the best kind of big brother there is.

After Shuichi agrees to use his detective skills to help Rantaro find his sister, Rantaro then casually adds that, oh by the way, he’s actually got twelve younger sisters who all went missing in similar ways on separate trips.

…And this is the point at which I go “yep, that backstory’s definitely fictional”. Letting it happen once could have been an accidental lapse of attention, sure. But after that, Rantaro would have been extra determined to protect his remaining sisters and not lose them too, so there’s absolutely no way he would have let it happen again eleven more times. That’s just wanton carelessness, as if Rantaro doesn’t actually give a damn about his sisters’ safety at all, which is very clearly the opposite of the truth about him. This only makes sense if it’s fake memories and never actually happened.

(But man, no wonder he hates himself, since he genuinely believes that he really did somehow just carelessly let that happen to every single one of his sisters like the worst big brother in the world.)

Rantaro’s backstory here doesn’t really have much bearing on his role in the canon plot, since his issues there are an entirely separate story fuelled by the whole Survivor Perk thing. Still, this does somewhat help explain why Rantaro is the type of person he is. He probably already had trouble trusting people and feeling like he deserved to be trusted even without the Survivor Perk handicap making it worse – recall fresh-out-of-season-52 Rantaro telling his future self to “trust no-one”. And yet, despite that, he also has a very strong instinct to look out for others and be protective like the big brother he is, hence trying to end the killing game despite his hesitation to trust anyone. His protective instinct might lean towards girls in particular, since they’d be more likely to remind him of his sisters – he did comment at one point that he was worried Kaede’s proactiveness might get her in trouble with Monokuma. (This is why I headcanon that the two survivors from season 52 were both girls; I just think it’d be fun if part of why Rantaro sacrificed himself for them was that they reminded him a little of his sisters and he wanted to protect them at least where he’d failed before.)

So anyway, Rantaro’s Love Hotel event, aka an event where Shuichi has to play the role of the subject’s “ideal fantasy”, which doesn’t have to mean something romantic, shock horror, because this one is entirely platonic. In it, Shuichi finds himself being treated as a student whom Rantaro is something like a private tutor for.

Rantaro:  “That’s why you’re my favourite student. Good job! Good work, Shuichi!”

Shuichi:  (As he showered me with praise, he lightly tussled my hair with a smile.) […] “R-Rantaro… I’m not a little kid…” (Even if this is his fantasy, it feels weird to be talked to like that.)

Rantaro:  “…‘Rantaro,’ huh?”

(His tone had changed. He pulled his hand away, dejected.)

Rantaro:  “Not that long ago… you were calling me ‘Big Brother.’”

Except it’s clearly more than that. Rantaro has come to think of this student as like a surrogate younger sibling figure, no doubt to fill the painful gap while his sisters are still missing.

It’s unclear, though, whether he actually has a student like this in real life. This could just be his fantasy of wanting to feel like a big brother again – a fantasy constrained by the unchangeable reality that his sisters are gone and it’s impossible for them to just magically be there, so his subconscious went for the most plausible alternative instead.

Rantaro:  “Haha… I guess I made you hate me… didn’t I, Shuichi?”

Apparently Rantaro is all too liable to assume that any “younger sibling” of his would obviously turn to hating him at the slightest provocation. (His sisters must hate him for letting them fall into whatever awful situation they’re in right now, right? They’re definitely blaming it all on him.)

The reason for “Shuichi” supposedly hating Rantaro here is that Rantaro recently announced he’d be leaving on a trip soon – presumably another expedition to try and find his sisters – and can’t even say why.

(Shuichi doesn’t figure out that this is about his sisters, which I guess is because it’s possible to get this event without having done Rantaro’s FTEs in which Shuichi learns about that.)

Rantaro:  “I know I’m being selfish, Shuichi. I’m sorry, but I want to shelter you from danger as much as I can…”

Shuichi:  “What? Danger…?”

Rantaro:  “Haha, whoops, guess I shouldn’t have said that… Forget it.”

Shuichi:  “No, Rantaro, I won’t. Not with that look on your face…”

Rantaro:  “Some teacher I am, huh? Making you worry about me…”

Obviously it’s terrible of Rantaro as a teacher (as a big brother) to make Shuichi worry about him. That’s not how things are supposed to go in this arrangement at all, so Shuichi should definitely just forget all about it and stop worrying.

(yes hello guess who this is beginning to remind me of, are you maybe starting to see that other reason I wanted to cover this event)

Rantaro:  “But you don’t have to worry about a thing. Nothing will ever hurt you. I will protect you. I promise. No one precious to me will ever get hurt again.”

There is absolutely no way someone this fiercely protective would ever have let each of his precious little sisters disappear on him twelve times over. No way. It’s so cruel that Rantaro’s fake memories are making him believe he must secretly be the kind of callously careless person who would let it happen. He’s bound to feel like these assurances otherwise are really just empty words that he’ll always end up betraying when it matters, because he would have promised the same thing to eleven of his sisters, more and more fervently each time, and look what happened anyway.

Shuichi:  “W-Wait, Rantaro!” (I don’t really understand, but here goes…) “That… That hurts me, Rantaro. Thinking about you carrying this burden all by yourself hurts me.”

Meanwhile, look at Shuichi hating to see someone he cares about carrying a burden all by themselves, and confronting that person with the fact that they’re hurting him by not letting him help. I wonder who else Shuichi might have said this to, hm? If only he’d known.

Shuichi:  “Maybe you see me as just a student, so you don’t think I can protect you… But I don’t *want* to be sheltered and oblivious to everything.”

Rantaro:  “Shuichi…”

And look at how Shuichi doesn’t want this person to be hiding their troubles from him in an attempt to protect him, because he can protect them too. This unbalanced arrangement of strictly one-directional help and support while the other person suffers alone was never what Shuichi signed up for.

(If only they’d realise that they need and deserve to be supported, and that needing it doesn’t mean they can’t still support others themselves.)

Shuichi:  “Rantaro, you’re going to quit being my tutor, right? So I’m not just your student. I’m your *friend*. You can tell me anything. I know I can help you.”

Shuichi’s approach to this is exactly what he does in Kaito’s Harmonious Heart event and I love it. Rantaro’s trying to insist they have this tutor/student (big brother/little brother) relationship that means Rantaro has to hide all his worries and problems and bear all of that by himself to keep Shuichi safe and oblivious and not worried – but no. Shuichi is having none of that nonsense that puts so much extra undue pressure on Rantaro, because they are friends and he wants to help. Just like with Kaito – he sees this as the best, simplest way to get through to his friend and stop them being so goddamn selfless, and it is.

(Or, well, he and Rantaro might not even technically be friends in this Love Hotel event if Shuichi hasn’t done his FTEs. Still, Shuichi is playing this role of someone who views Rantaro as a tutor/big brother/friend, so he’s acting out what he would do if a person he cared about in that way was behaving like this. Sure, Rantaro never even mentioned that they’re specifically friends, but Shuichi extrapolated from the situation that obviously this person would consider Rantaro a friend as well as those other things. Shuichi is good.)

Rantaro:  “Are you sure about this, Shuichi? You’re at the point of no return…

Shuichi:  “I would never want you to face it alone, Rantaro…”

Rantaro:  “You’ve really come into your own. Haha… Alright, I give up. I’ll tell you everything.”

Looks like it worked! Rantaro now has (in his fantasy) not just a surrogate little brother, but a friend and comrade who’s going to help him and be there for him as he searches for his sisters. Which is probably a lot more beneficial for him in the long run than just yet another younger sibling for him to feel like he’s letting down one way or another.

Rantaro:  “Just… until the end of this lesson, can we act like nothing’s changed? The time that I’ve spent as your teacher… has been such a comfort to me.”

I also really like this, because it shows that Shuichi’s response to all this wasn’t Rantaro’s fantasy. Rantaro wanted to just re-experience the feeling of spending time with a younger sibling who’s safe and protected and is never ever going to get hurt or be in danger at all. And Shuichi essentially threw that out and told Rantaro not what he wanted to hear, but what he needed to hear – that he needs to stop being so selfless and let the people who care about him help him for once, because they don’t want him to be suffering alone and he deserves better than that.

This is a really great event because it’s a rare – and really well-done – showcase of Rantaro’s issues from his backstory. They’re some pretty fun issues, so it’s honestly a big shame that they’re basically not relevant at all in the main story and only even come up in bonus bits like this. (Granted, someone had to be the first to die, and the way it was done with Rantaro was probably one of the best ways to make that person still feel fairly narratively relevant and not like a complete throwaway – but it does sadly mean that most of his potential as a character and not as a mysterious plot device had to be squandered.)

But that’s not all; I also really like this event because of Shuichi’s role in it. From what little I gather of how these mostly-stupid Love Hotel scenes go, it probably doesn’t usually even matter that it’s Shuichi in them, because he’s just a placeholder forced to play this role no matter how uncomfortable it makes him and how unlike him it is. But in this one, Shuichi being here does make a difference. Not everyone would have responded to Rantaro’s situation like this, but Shuichi did, because he’s a really good friend who’d never want to let the people he cares about carry their burdens alone.

So not only is this a great event for showcasing Rantaro’s issues, but it’s also great for showing us how good and supportive of a friend Shuichi has the potential to be, even towards people who are stubbornly trying to put themselves in a one-sided protector role that has to carry burdens alone. Shuichi was always exactly the right kind of person to help Kaito with his problems, too – if only he’d known what Kaito was hiding from him in the first place.

(Also, man, if Rantaro had lived longer, he and Kaito could have had some very interesting interactions. I love how many characters in this story it’s possible to draw parallels and contrasts to Kaito with.)

[wezzaner]

Evie’s and Doug’s relationship develops the best, Pt. 3.1: Descendants Timeline

Yes, there’s going to be another part to this. Even if you aren’t an Evie/Doug person, just give this a read. It’s more of a timeline analysis, actually.

This has taken me a lot longer than parts 1 and 2 did for a lot of reasons. The most important one was that I was very conflicted about what to write. And my conflict had absolutely nothing to do with the Evie/Doug relationship at all.

 My conflict was strictly about how the writers did all the characters dirty with the canon timeline. All of them, I am making no exceptions. I am very confident in my interpretation of the Evie/Doug relationship that I actually have two different analysis depending on which timeline I chose to work with, but I am not choosing the canon timeline.

Why I chose not to work with the canon timeline:

Simply put, I am not about to do those characters a disservice.

If a year and a half have actually passed between D2 and D3, then I will lose all the admiration, respect, love and appreciation I have for Evie, Uma, Ben and maybe Mal. And I am not okay with that. And they don’t just screw over those four, it’s almost everyone. “They’re just characters”, yeah, I know that. But I grew up with them. And that’s not okay with me, screwing them up doesn’t sit well with me.

And the canon timeline is messed up anyway, I think.

Here’s the supposed canon timeline of the movies:

Over two years have passed since the VKs were brought from the isle.

The VKs supposedly being brought at the beginning of an academic year, around September.

Six months between D1 and D2 that would mean D2 took place between mid-February and late-May (second semester of an academic year, I am playing loose with the six months not being exact).

For D3 to take place a year and a half later, it would be mid-July to late-August. (Audrey is in the middle of summer school, again I am playing loose with the uttered timing being exact).

The problem is, someone posted about Jay being 17 and Carlos being 14 in the first book, and another pointed out yet somehow in D3 Jay is 18 and Carlos is only a year younger at 17. If someone could clarify that to me, I would be grateful.

The second discrepancy is Audrey’s royal return. Audrey says, “It has been a bit of a tough year.” Then proceeds to recap the entirety of the first two movies. Now, we know that Cotillion takes place six months after the coronation (televised report thing in the beginning of D2), that means Ben’s proclamation was passed SEVEN months before the events of D2 (which takes place over, like, three days). That actually leaves only five months between the events of D2 and D3 (again, playing loose with the ONE YEAR thing).

I am sorry, I just can’t get behind the canon timeline suggesting that:

Evie, heart of gold, compassionate, striving for goodness and equal opportunities Evie, put Dizzy and the other VKs on the back burner for a year and a half. I mean, Dizzy was sent an invitation straight away after cotillion, it probably took a few days. That’s not the Evie that was revealed after a strong character arc in D1 or the one developed in D2. I refuse to take that, I am sorry.

Uma, fiercely determined, a leader in her own rights, a rebel seeking retribution and a fair good life, just swam for a year and half around the barrier and in her time outs, discovered coconuts? What the actual hell? Uma is proactive, she won’t just hangout, staking the premises for a year and a half. She has her magic now, she would have done something, anything. But not make her presence and whereabouts known for 18 months? No, no way.

Mal left her arch enemy roaming. If there’s one thing Uma and Mal have in common, it is that they are both proactive. Mal won’t be sitting still, watching around for Uma. Mal would have scoured the freaking lands, seas and where ever else.

Finally, King Care Bear. Ben is the only AK who has been to the isle aside from guards and Lonnie. He saw, he knew, and he promised. He extended Uma the olive branch, he admitted he got sucked into his duties of being king and that the plan was always to start with four kids and expand the program. And he just abandoned ship for a year and a half? Going with the canon timeline destroys Ben’s… everything.

I am not okay with how this went. Not at all. It’s pissing me off and that’s why I refuse to take the canon timeline and just run with it.

Which is why, I have worked on putting together my own timeline, and I even put together a few points that prove it. This is gonna be all over the place, I hope you can follow.

Let’s establish the timeline, shall we?

Like I said before, I was going nuts trying to fit the timeline to the supposed narrative. I was almost loosing it when I found the clip (well, the poorly disguised recap really) that is Audrey’s royal return.

 It made me pull my hair out, really.

Now, assuming that:

The academic year starts in early September and ends in early June (maybe late May),

Ben brings the VKs at the beginning of the school year (which is a perfect time, actually), then D1 takes place throughout September and early October and D2 occurs around early April. That gives space for Audrey to have a leave off her second semester and all, instead of just dropping out mid semester. (re-check the second discrepancy in the canon timeline for further detailing).

Now assuming that Audrey was accurate when she said, ‘a year ago’, that would place D3 around September, which I highly doubt because D3 takes place in summer. So, let’s assume she wasn’t accurate and that D3 takes place, say, mid- July.

That would make sense regarding:

The Dizzy situation. Maybe three months is how long it took for the arrangements of establishing the VKs integration program and all.  

It would also explain how Uma spent only three months circling the isle because, as I said before, my girl Uma is a proactive, crafty little shit who wouldn’t just passively swim around for a year and a half waiting for shit to happen.

Also, Mal tells Ben they’re getting more guards for the Uma problem (scene right before the proposal), I don’t think they’d wait all this time to get more guards where the King resides, really.

Granted, that wouldn’t explain how much the isle changed and how everyone wants in on the move to Auradon and how all the parents are suddenly nice, good people looking out for their kids. But come on, D3 was a giant, unexplainable plot hole anyway. (I got issues with almost every minute in the movie, but I appreciate it for what it is. But come on, there should have been a screening process for people getting off the isle. Wasn’t that the point of the applications?)

This timeline though means that we’re in deep shit regarding how old everyone is:

Ben turns sixteen in D1 on coronation day and he’s still sixteen ya’ll, it hasn’t been a full year yet.

Jay is graduating, so Jay is eighteen.

I know Carlos and Jane are supposed to be younger, so I assume it is Jane’s sweet sixteen celebrated in D3.

I have no idea what’s up with Evie’s and Mal’s ages, though. But taking into consideration the birthday incident from the book, I suppose they are the same age? They’re either Ben’s age or they are seventeen. I keep going back and forth and that’s the only thing I can come up with.

From the whole sandbox/Shrimpy backstory Gil tells in D2, I can only assume Uma is the same age. No idea about Harry and Gil though, but I am assuming Uma’s age for them, give or take one year at most.

King Care Bear IS too young to be proposing. Ben’s and Mal’s relationship moved way too fast for a couple of sixteen-year olds. At least from my POV, you’re free to think what you want.

The entire franchise is just one major plot hole. That I love so much.

Please, please, please, take the time to let me know If I missed anything. This has been bothering me since I first saw the movie. Maybe I overlooked something or another. Either way, let me know what you think.

Relationships I’d consider canon-confirmed:

Only FOUR romantic relationships became canon in the actual Descendants timeline. Ben and Mal, obviously. Evie and Doug. Chad and Audrey (broken in somewhere between October and April). Carlos and Jane (Got together in April).

I am adding Jay/Gil in D3, we all saw that, right?

Harry/Uma post D3. Because you know it and I know it. And we all talk about how it will happen. Because it will happen.

The only couples who are confirmed true loves are Mal/Ben and Evie/Doug.

Harry/Uma will be confirmed post D3. Evie and/or Audrey will match make. Uma, tired of his flirtatious behavior, will seek Mal’s help to put Harry under a spell so she could save him with a true love’s kiss and assures Mal it will work. But she will get cold feet and Evie will get her sweet, sweet revenge.

He will be saved, of course.

Extra point I’d like to highlight:

Mal states in D1 that there’s no dating on the isle, that it’s mostly gang activity. That statement alone just explains all the relationship dynamics in the franchise involving any VK, but everyone is overlooking it.

It explains (somewhat, but not really) why Mal was hesitant about being in love in D2, thus doubting the concept of love, letting the pressure get to her and running off to the isle.

 That explains Jay’s playboy attitude, as well, if you think about it. Which is close to Evie’s flirtatious personality pre-Doug. That explains Carlos’s hesitance to ask Jane out, he hadn’t done this before and he’s only fifteen.

 That explains why Uma and Harry aren’t “together-together” even though they are together. Like I said above, Uma and Harry should be considered future-canon because “Uma knew, try as she might, she couldn’t hurt his feelings. It was all part of the game of question-and-rejection they’d played forever.” I haven’t read the books but thanks to tumblr, I know this exists.

Like for the core four, the isle wasn’t a safe environment for a relationship. It even explains why she would be reluctant to get with him and it develops Harry’s own flirtatious behavior. Like Jay! And, again, Evie pre-Doug.

You’re welcome, Huma people!

Now that the (well, MY) timeline is out of the way, I can go back to topic. I don’t know about what you think, but this timeline and the whole “gang activity” ordeal adds to Evie’s and Doug’s motive to take things slow.

Next part will all be about Evie’s and Doug’s relationship. I have a lot to say about that one.

[bugaboosandbees]

Rally to the Queen

Okay. I know that I shouldn’t be starting anything else new, and I definitely won’t start actually writing this until I finish with my Reine Ruse AU, but I ended up getting so attached to my Bee!Kagami design (and so salty about Onichan!Kagami) that I ended up with a whole slew of headcanons about a post-Riposte Bee!Kagami Kagaminette AU.

I call it Rally to the Queen.

Here’s what goes down.

This takes place immediately after Riposte.

Marinette still feels really bad about judging the point wrong. She talks to Adrien to ask how Kagami is doing. He says that he thinks that she’s okay now, but Kagami was totally exhibiting some behaviors that he recognized as the son of a largely absent parent with absurd standards. He doesn’t have the time he’d like to have to check in on Kagami, so he also tells Marinette that it sounded like Kagami was under a lot of pressure at home and was afraid of her mother judging her for losing the fight.

Marinette, of course, feels terrible and her patented Dupain-Cheng-family we-must-adopt-everyone genes kick in, so she decides to track down Kagami’s home address to apologize formally and to make sure that Kagami’s mom knows what really went down.

When she gets there, she’s flustered and awkward as usual but good-hearted and although Kagami’s mom initially is not thrilled about the weird intrusion, she doesn’t hate Marinette.

Since she’s there, she and Kagami end up chatting either that day or some other time. Marinette mentions that she’s looking forward to trying out for the fencing team again the following year to learn aside Adrien and Kagami.

Kagami realizes that she took the only spot on the team. She’s not the sort to feel bad about this and wouldn’t normally, but Marinette was being so kind and she’d actually tried to stand up to her mother for her, so she offers to give her fencing lessons. (Maybe she covers it up as extra practice for her as she’s not really much of a touchy-feely person.)

Anyway, Marinette starts going to Kagami’s house once a week for fencing practice. She always brings fresh baked goods. I don’t think Kagami has many friends, especially with how intense we’ve seen her family to be and being so new to Paris, so she might not really know how to deal with Marinette’s brand of friendship at first.

They become really good friends. I actually think they really would if they spent any sort of time together in canon without misunderstandings and Adrien and sometimes somewhat suspect writing in the way. They are both determined, powerful young women with hearts of steel and an unstoppable drive towards something that they’re very passionate about. They’re both straightforward and value honesty and dislike liars. They would be an UNSTOPPABLE team.

I don’t think Sapotis happens in this AU. There’s no salt against Alya here, but I think it would be reasonable for Marinette avoid giving a miraculous to her best friend no matter how much she’d like to share being superheroes with her. This is because Alya is shown in season one especially to be very adamant about revealing Ladybug’s identity. This was even the main goal of her akumatized form, Lady Wifi. Marinette loves Alya deeply, but I think that there would be reasonable doubt there about whether or not Alya would be able to keep her own secret or if she would use her position as a sometimes-superhero to discover more about Ladybug. We’ve seen in canon that Marinette obviously hates lying to her best friend, so I think it’s reasonable to think that she wouldn’t manufacture a situation where she had to do so even more.

Also, even though Anasai technically took place before Queen’s Battle, just go with me here and assume it didn’t and that Style Queen was the first akuma that Ladybug needed help with. We know that she picked the Bee miraculous in Style Queen and, as Marinette is good friends with Kagami already in this AU, she definitely sees how much this miraculous would play to her friend’s strengths. They also fence together all the time, so Marinette knows how Kagami fights and wouldn’t have to learn a new teammate’s style in the middle of an already complicated fight. Since Kagami isn’t Alya, she wouldn’t already be at the Effiel tower and wouldn’t be turned to glitter by Style Queen, so Marinette would be able to safely get the Bee miraculous to her.

Ladybug and Mitsubachi are a deadly combination. Style Queen never stood a chance. Everything goes pretty smoothly and Ladybug is able to get the Bee miraculous back from Kagami without incident. (That being said, Marinette is a flustered bi mess and totally fumbled once or twice in the fight because damn, Kagami makes a deadly and attractive superhero.)

And because I’m a sucker for redeeming Chloe I am physically incapable of leaving her out of this AU. Oops, lol. Without Queen Bee, the Queen’s Battle arc would definitely have some pretty substantial changes. Chloe’s mom would still be being pretty awful and Chloe wouldn’t have gotten her hands on the Bee miraculous. She’d still have to be upset enough to get akumatized over her mom (so Gabe wouldn’t give up being Hawkmoth (also, he’d have only just learned that the Guardian was in Paris so that might be another incentive)) but she wouldn’t become Queen Wasp because she was never Queen Bee in the first place.

Instead, she becomes a different sort of version of @imthepunchlord ‘s Princess Amour akumanette concept. She just really wants to be loved. Maybe instead of having a Chat Noir “knight” as the akumanette had, some ladybug merch of her’s would hold the akuma and turn into a version of Ladybug that would help and protect and validate Chloe as her knight. After LB beats this akuma, she has an honest talk with Chloe that night because she could see that Chloe was really struggling and, despite their very checkered past couldn’t help but wanting to help.

Ladybug gives Chloe some advice and Chloe does her level best to live up to it in her day to day life. It’s a long hard road and it doesn’t come easily, but every once in awhile Ladybug will drop by and knowing that her heroine is proud of her gives Chloe the push she needs to change for the better.

I should also mention that I’m switching the places of the fox and peacock miraculouses in this AU. If we’re still working with the headcanon that Mr. and Mrs. Agreste used the miraculouses that Gabe has, it makes sense that they’d have the butterfly because everything we’ve been lead to believe indicates that it was a good fit for Mrs. Agreste. That being said, what we know of the Peacock makes no effing sense for Gabe. He’s creative, crafty, and not above playing dirty. That man is a fox through and through, you can’t change my mind. Therefore, Fu has the peacock and the fox is the damaged miraculous sitting in the Agreste safe.

This is relevant, I promise.

So, Ladybug and Chat Noir have worked with Mitsubachi quite a few times. She fits pretty effortlessly into the team dynamic but is definitely with Ladybug in taking the job super seriously and not always being down with Chat’s attitude.

Kagami and Marinette are still hanging out. Kagami is falling for Marinette and Marinette is falling for Kagami, but Marinette had confided in Kagami earlier about her crush on Adrien, so Kagami thinks that Mari is still in love with Adrien and Marinette doesn’t think Kagami would be interested in her, so there’s an awful lot of mutual pining going on.

Hawkmoth is escalating and Fu approves of Kagami after testing her himself, so she gets the Bee miraculous on a permanent basis.

With the extra help, it’s a while before Ladybug’s lucky charm calls for another hero, but, when it does, she needs the peacock. Maybe she was going for Alya with this one, but, being the Ladyblogger, Alya has already gotten herself into the conflict and trapped by the akuma. As she’s looking around, Ladybug spots (lol, get it?) Chloe trying to get Sabrina and some other people to safety, consequently getting trapped or something. She goes to save Chloe, and when Chloe thanks her, she starts to wonder. Chloe has taken a good, hard look at herself and really improved in the past few months. She’s not perfect yet, but no one is. And, you know what? Getting the Ladybug miraculous went a long way towards making her a better Marinette. Mind made up, she offers the Peacock to Chloe and a new hero appears. (I’m thinking of naming Chloe’s peacock form Tirisi or Vindex -- Greek or Latin for (roughly) defender/protector/champion. See my rant on why the peacock miraculous’ powers make sense for my reasoning.)

Chloe gives the miraculous back when Ladybug asks and keeps working to improve herself so that her heroine might someday trust her again. (She loved being able to have the power and agency to connect with and help others -- she really loved feeling strong enough to save others and is starting to feel more confident that she can save herself.) She doesn’t spill her identity and becomes a reliable second-string hero when Ladybug’s lucky charm demands her presence.

Eventually turtle!Sabrina will also come into this AU because she really, really deserves her own character development. (And @mystery-vixen ‘ s design and art and @pyrepyro ‘s art for Turtle!Sabrina is the cutest shit I’ve ever seen in my life.) Maybe it’s some sort of Anasasi situation where Chloe’s in trouble and Sabrina is doing her level best to rescue her as a civilian, idk. (For turtle!Sabrina I was thinking Bouclier or Jadeite, unless you guys have ideas?)

Anyway, eventually, everyone has their miraculouses permanently. (This probably happens after Gabe and Natalie break out the fox.) Endgame is Kagaminette and Chlobrina, two sets of deadly wlw protecting Paris along with the bi disaster Chat Noir who is 100% willing to THROW THE FUCK DOWN with anyone who doesn’t respect the ladies of the superhero team. Chat Noir totally gets along with the whole squad, by the way. Between the four of them, the ladies are great friends and life coaches to our cat boi and help him work through what unhealthy attitudes he has in a respectful and caring way. They adopt him and are always hugging Chat or even just lightly resting a hand on his shoulder since they discovered he was touch-starved. (Especially Ladybug and Tirisi. All four would cut a bitch for that boy, but they’re the most touchy-feely.)

(Eventually snake!Luka joins the squad and he and Chat Noir get together and it’s just a giant group of badass queer superheroes kicking ass and protecting Paris.)

They eventually beat Hawkmoth and Adrien and Luka become the next Guardians (They’d do a great job, fight me). Marinette and Kagami are too busy for that anyway. They got married and Marinette started the world’s most successful fashion line while Kagami set some sort of ridiculous record for the number of gold medals a single person can win in fencing. Chloe and Sabrina get married and (because of Chloe) end up adopting a ridiculous amount of kids that they care for and love unconditionally.

Happily Ever After and The End. :)

Thanks for listening to my rant!

[hanabiira]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Bunny   AGE: 26      CONTACT: IM & Discord

CHARACTER(S): OCs, and technically Kensei but I have neglected him as of late. 

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach 

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  None that I’ve actually written yet but I have an Avatar LOK AU for Miki.

MY LANGUAGE(S): English, no other languages I can fluently write in. I can read hiragana and katakana and very basic elementary kanji. 

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sports / Music / Science / Fight / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc.

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS (for OOC questions only) / PERSONALS (for OOC questions only) / ANONS. (for OOC/IC questions)

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES (please do!) / NO    only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: crack / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK.

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO.

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / DEPENDS ON MOOD AND INSPIRATION, AND IF I’M BUSY I

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS (if I know the fandom) / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING:  Tumblr IM or if you know me, discord. Once you have my discord there’s no reason to IM me really. I’m more likely to notice a message from discord than tumblr since I have discord on my phone and laptop. 

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER: I mean, if we’re actively plotting something I at least expect some back and forth?? But if it’s just general spewing of shit about stuff our characters might do I don’t necessarily expect it to become a thread or anything. Sometimes I just like to scream and think about stuff with other people lmao.I don’t even really expect plotting all the time, unless you have a really good idea then I’m all for it!! totally!! I love a good plotted thread but I am also cool just going with the punches. 

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?: If the person doesn’t seem into it I’ll probably just drop it? I’m not going to pressure anyone into any sort of rp they’re not vibing with, it’s fine. 

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  I love that this meme assumes I plot a lot lmfao. Uhh...I find it quite difficult to come up with a lot of different active scenarios or stories but I do frequently like to discuss what ifs between my characters and whoever I’m talking to and that often can evolve into an idea for a thread which I am all for taking places. I wouldn’t necessarily call it plotting because it doesn’t always have to turn into something, but its just fun little banter about our characters and their reactions. If I am trying to buckle down and plot I will do my best to contribute to whatever we’re trying to plan? 

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: I won’t be mad, just be like ‘hey can we drop this?’ and I’ll be like “cool”. I get that sometimes you just can’t find the words to reply to something and that’s ok. But just let me know so I’m not sitting there waiting for a reply I’m never going to get. 

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?:  Either an natural ending of the thread or I just....can’t think of any juice to keep it going and get stuck behind a wall. I am MORE than happy to start something fresh and new when threads are ended or dropped! 

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: I think a lot of misunderstanding stems from a lack of communication. Do I talk OOC with ALL the people I rp with? No, but If I have concerns or questions about a thread or something we’re doing I am 100% going to talk to them about it to make sure nothing gets misconstrued. I get people get anxious but like...if you have the balls to write a character on the internet with a stranger you can send them an IM if you have a questions/concerns. None of us are mind readers, so don’t leave your partner in the dark about your thoughts and feelings. Obviously if they are writing with you they don’t hate you. 90% of us don’t bite and are just lame nerds behind a computer screen, so.... 

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: I mean, I’m not going to LOVE hearing something negative but if its a valid point or concern I’m absolutely going to listen to it and try to rectify it? Problem is a lot of people thinly spew hate or baseless negativity and then thinly veil it as “criticism” that stems their personal feelings about a character than it really is anything constructive, which is a no go for me.  Will I 100% always agree with how everyone else plays their characters? No, but if its not hurting anyone and they’re having fun I’m not going to say anything to them. I 100% welcome constructive criticism or tough questions! It’s one way to improve. 

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: My goal is really just to have fun and enjoy myself. The longer I am here the less I am worried about doing big deep threads or having amazing fancy graphics for that RPC clout. I’m here to have fun with my friends and play my OC that I love. Again, I don’t profess myself to be much of a writer so I’m not technically here to really further and deepen my writing skills. That sounds bad, I don’t mean to say I am adverse to improvement and I am always looking for ways or feedback that could make my storytelling better, but it is not my main goal or reason for why I rp, if that makes sense. Telling a narrative has always been something that’s been difficult for me (I HATED having to write stories in school and avoided creative writing like the plague) but I really welcome ways that could help me be better, because it hasn’t always been something natural to me. 

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  I YEARN for a good thread with a Shunsui about Miki taking over the 8th division and how she changes it since his time there. She really worries about still holding onto his legacy while also making a name for herself and differentiating herself from him and how he ran things and would really want his feedback and approval. I would also really love if there were some characters that really took an interest in the kinds of stuff she does with the things she grows in her garden and greenhouse. It is more than just “ooh, look at the pretty flowers” and it is not really something I’ve gotten to explore despite my time here. 

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE: Anything gross. Rape/noncon/underage/furry or weird extreme fetish shit. I 100% do not vibe with racism, transphobia, homophobia, etc. I do not mind some darker themes but I don’t really have any interest on writing any threads where Miki is deeply deeply hurt or tortured or anything like that, which kind of falls under the gore category. Will I write her injured and do I welcome some kinds of sparring/fighting threads? Yes. But I won’t subject her to gross violence and having the shit being beat out of her. Miki is not infallible but I don’t want to write it. 

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?:  Starters that are too open ended, start with a general with a question and/or little scenario building. You know like the “why are you here”, “what are you doing”, “who are you” sorts of starters. They’re boring and I will most likely run out of ways to keep going with them. Set a scene for me and I will have a much easier time! 

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  That’s a good question...Miki tends to like friendly people (obviously) but also gets a kick out of interacting with cold or difficult to talk to characters (think Soi fon, Kensei, Byakuya etc) because she sees it as something of a challenge. She wants to see if she can befriend them. I also like characters that have an interesting theme or shitck . 

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?: Characters that are not really in her age group (think the karakura kids). I have the most difficult time thinking about how they might even interact in a way that is not on the most superficial level. Also characters that I can’t realistically see her meeting or running into. 

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I am pretty easy to reach OOC, and once I’m in I’m in. I love talking about our characters interactions and will spam you with asks and shit if that’s what you want. I will talk all day about our characters if you let me. I will send you stupid memes. Even if I am not posting on tumblr I’m easily reached through discord. And Idk my oc is good??? maybe??? 

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I would say I’m inconsistent? I know its covid times right now but I do work a full time job that takes a lot of my time and energy usually and I absolutely can’t write when I’m mentally exhausted. It won’t happen. So there may be times where you just won’t see any posting from me and it may take a long time for me to answer a thread or ask. As much as I also don’t like to label myself this way...I guess I technically do suffer from chronic pain (I have a hip malformation), and sitting is one of the things that really can exacerbate my hip and back pain meaning sometimes I just can’t tolerate sitting at my desk for very long or even sitting up in my bed which really prevents me from writing sometimes even when I want to. I wish mobile draft writing was better lol 

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO/ DEPENDS.

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: Too much smut is boring, obviously, and I’m not really a fan of smut really just for the sake of smut and threads like that tend to die for me.  And I also don’t rp smut with just anyone, there has to be an established relationship between the characters. But if it flows with the story and it makes sense for the scenario then yeah, I’m down for a good smut thread. 

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?: I’m pretty vanilla and I didn’t really give Miki anything that’s really nonstandard. I’m not going to shame anyone for what they’re into or their characters but there’s just kinks I couldn’t convincing write, would be ooc, or I just would be too embarrassed. So far I have not run into anything weird though. 

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO 

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES?? / NO. Though I mean ship not in a strictly romantic ship sense. I value all ships as in friendships and other relationships, mentor mentee, etc. and it really helps drive story for both characters I think. Miki CRAVES FRIENDSHIPS!! SHE WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND!! LET HER!! Even negative relationships have value.  

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF (ooc stuff).

ARE YOU:  Multi-ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  Multiverse / Singleverse.

- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: 

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - As long as its discussed before hand or is easily implied (say like, an 8th lieutenant). 

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?:  Miki is unique, I’d like to think. She is a blend of soft and gentle, but also stubborn, opinionated and desperate to prove that she shouldn’t be messed with. I basically wanted a character that just seemed like a living and breathing springtime breeze. I’m not saying necessarily that some of the tropes she holds are entirely unique to the series, but I think its the blend of all her aspects that make her different compared to other canon characters. Plus if you love that plant and flower aesthetique™ you have come to the right place. Plus she takes it further than just an aesthetic or a surface level “I like flowers” aspect of her personality. It runs so deep and she is so passionate about it in so many different ways. 

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  Again, ones that I can’t find much of a commonality with so those who are not her age or are strictly human. Though it is not impossible to interact with humans, I prefer to develop her story within the scene of the Seireitei. Also characters that are super volatile and aggressive. 

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  Peace, accomplishment, happiness mostly. Miki wants to be recognized for her hard work as well as desires to form positive relationships with others. She wants the Gotei to feel less disjointed. 

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  The way they talk, their facial expressions, their eyes. 

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  Kindness, determination, drive, sense of humor. 

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  Plants, flowers, flower arranging, gardening, poisonous plants and their potential affects and uses, tea, shitty jokes, food, general day to day gossip, handsome men (lol), books, kido and other shinigami arts, human world stuff. 

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?: Math, long convoluted talks about history, people who talk too much about themselves. 

- DID THEY EVER GO THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  The thousand year bloodwar. The death of a romantic partner. The death of her mother. 

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  It’s really hard to imagine a scenario where Miki would immediately go in for the kill zero questions asked with no context. Probably only if it’s someone known to be a threat, has done things that are terrible, and is likely to continue being a threat to others or is actively killing/about to kill someone else. 

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  Birds. Hypocrites. Super self important people. 

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  Just roll up on her. She’s easily found in her barracks. 

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: uuuuuh she bean.

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by: @bazzardburner technically but for quincy miki which I will also tweak and post there. 

[butterflydm]

The Magicians Revisited: 1x01 Unauthorized Magic

I’m doing the rewatch with @themagiciansrevisited​ and I’ll be watching along probably until 4x10, which is where I’ve decided my own personal canon for the show will tap out. And because my brain likes to keep track of things, I’ll be rewatching again on my own after each group rewatch and write out the things that stand out for me, that I might want to remember. This is v. long, so I will pop it under a read more.

Significant moments: The first character we meet is Dean Fogg, who comes onto a NYC street through a portal from a more wooded area (I think it’s the area outside Brakebills). The door closes behind him without him needing to physically shut it. He meets up with “Eliza” (making Jane Chatwin the second major character we meet) and says, “You’re late”, which is going to echo in the later first meeting of Eliot and Quentin (and which was itself mirrored in the first meeting between “Kim” and Todd in 4x01). Being that time loops and timelines are such an important part of the show, it’s interesting to me that the importance of timing is set up so soon. And… it’s also possibly a nod to The Lord of the Rings.

Jane’s brought Fogg evidence that the Beast is already active in this timeline (a huge-ass moth). The NYPost that he’s reading looks to be dated October 18, 2015, which tracks with when the first episodes came out. Part of the implication in this conversation is that Jane wants Fogg to rush our group into Brakebills even though they aren’t in place to have it handled yet.

Jane shows particular concern over ‘our boy’, which I think we can take as read is Quentin, given how Jane directs her attention to Quentin fairly pointedly and given that we’re going to cut to him after this scene. Looking back, it’s interesting to think about how this relationship may have evolved from Jane’s PoV. She must have recognized Julia and Quentin as the Witch and the Fool as soon as they were old enough and got involved in the very first timeline, plus it’s possible she figured out somewhere along the way that Quentin was also the old man who gave her the Time Key in the first place. There are four major characters who remember the time loops, after all - Jane, Fogg, Martin, and Ember - so I’ll be paying particular attention during their scenes to see what they may drop as a hint to what happened in previous timelines.

This scene also mirrors, to a certain extent, the introductory McGonagall & Dumbledore scene at the beginning of Harry Potter. I suspect that’s intentional, given the series’s future interest in deconstructing various fantasy storylines and tropes. So, we have two authority figures who understand what’s to come and they have been deliberately attempting to shape this younger generation into a weapon to wield against the enemy that threatens them (and that comes from their own generation).

Quentin is the next major character introduced to us - he is in the Midtown Mental Health Clinic, which has a nice view of the Statue of Liberty. He’s thoughtlessly doing magic tricks with a coin. The show then cuts between him checking himself out of the clinic with a scene of him at a party at his apartment. Julia is introduced by noticing Q looking out of place at the party, and then he bails to go hang out alone in a bedroom and read which… yeah, same, Q, same. We see his pills, a comic book, some other books: bunch of books on stage magic like card and coin tricks, and Plover’s books (at least two editions of the Fillory and Further series). As Q reads the first book (Fillory and Further: The World in the Walls), we get a visualization of them onscreen.

Julia and Quentin talk a little (and I’m going to note that she explicitly calls the Fillory books ‘obscure fantasy’, so not actually in the realm of Narnia or LotR) - she gives him a friendly kiss, and then Julia’s boyfriend James comes in and jokes about them having a threeway, which I did not expect to be foreshadowing and yet… Quentin will definitely have a threesome before the end of the season so, I guess it was. Unexpected foreshadowing!

The (dead) Yale interviewer had the clock from the Fillory books (or a replica? I don’t recall from further episodes if this is the real deal or not) in the place he was planning to interview Quentin. Huh, one of the dead interviewer’s eyes looks kinda like a fairy eye. We do find out later from Dean Fogg that the interviewer was a magician, so… hmm. This scene is very suspicious to me in many ways, in retrospect.

The manuscript that Jane gives Quentin is, officially, Fillory and Further; Book Six: the Magicians and it is dated Feb 1952. We learn that Julia is the one who got Quentin into the Fillory books in the first place and that’s why he learned magic tricks. They were both very into the books all through high school, but then Julia met James and she pulled away from them.

Next, it’s Julia and Quentin’s introduction to Brakebills! So, in most (though I suspect Jane tried cutting Q out of the equation at some point early on) of the previous loops, both Quentin and Julia would have gotten into Brakebills at this point, so after this is where we split from the general timeline to the differences in TL40 (for the students! Martin/the Beast is probably doing his own set of experiments each time he gets snapped back into a new timeline; especially different ways of approaching his ability to talk to Penny, I suspect).

When Q arrives, Eliot is, of course, posing in a gorgeous outfit. He was given a card with Quentin’s name and is waiting for him.

So, timeline thoughts: obviously, Fogg decides to set up Eliot and Quentin’s friendship early on, based on previous timeline experiences and whatnot. Given Jane’s worries about Quentin not being prepared enough, it does seem likely that Fogg decided to set up a mentorship-ish situation, since Eliot and Margo appear to get involved anyway in other timelines and since Margo’s a big Fillory fan, too. I’m going to see how Fogg reacts to them in later episodes to see if it confirms or counters my suspicions here.

When Eliot brings Quentin to the exam room, Penny is in the foreground of the shot and Quentin ends up sitting next to him. Julia is more in the middle of the room and (hilariously, from a P23-P40 perspective), I think I see Kady at a table in between Julia and Penny. Quentin sees Julia and they hug. I did not see Alice in the exam room, but there were several tables that had blonde girls at them, so maybe I just missed her.

Julia is told that she failed the test and will be sent home. “I can’t just go to Yale if this place exists” and she deliberately scratches herself before the memory spell is placed on her. Meanwhile, Q is given a deck of cards and told to do magic. He fumbles for a while, Dean Fogg puts some heavy pressure on him, and Q’s magic bursts out and then he collapses.

Q has a dream of talking to Jane in Fillory. Dream!Jane (real!Jane using a spell of some kind, I assume) name-drops the Beast and tells Q to “get off the garden path”. She wants him to try something new, because she knows that the previous tries have all failed spectacularly. He needs to do something different this time.

Q wakes up at Brakebills and Julia wakes up in her apartment in NYC, remembering everything and researching right away. Q talks to Dean Fogg. We learn that Brakebills is a three-year graduate-level program. So. Dean Fogg here is… hmm. He encourages Q to give up his meds. In the earlier scene, he deliberately preyed on Q’s fears (which he would know well from 39 previous timelines of experience) in order to provoke him into displaying a forceful burst of magic. We know that Jane is particularly worried about how much Q, specifically, needs to learn. Adding that together, and it does feel very deliberate that Fogg leads Q to believe that magic — that this school — will eliminate the need for his meds & etc., when we know from future episodes that this is very much not something that magic actually “fixes”. But he’s setting up Brakebills as the place that makes everything better because he wants Q to believe it. It’s also possible that he’s discouraging Q’s meds to create a certain level of emotional pain in Q to power his magic? Wow. That’s a dark thought.

Q and Penny are roommates. Q notices his F&F Book 6 is missing and is accusatory towards Penny, but before it can go further, Eliot comes to introduce Quentin to Margo. He’s told her that Q is cute and her opinion is “not that cute” but she’s friendly to him. We learn that first years stay in the dorms, and then once you know your ‘talent’, you get put into a house. The ones that Eliot lists out are: Physical Kids (where he and Margo are), Illusions, Healing, Nature, Knowledge (where Julia would have gone), Psychics. We also learn that there are only four students currently remaining of the third-year class, sixteen of them having disappeared along the way.

So, after all that, we go to Q’s first class and we see Alice for the first time (at least, that I could spot). She gets singled out to do a demonstration for the class and turns a glass ball into a glass horse. Also in this class, Kady meets Penny. They have an instant sexual connection and hook up right away. This is a definite deviation from timeline-23, at least, and if Kady only got into Brakebills because Julia was kept out, then that could potentially make Kady an overall wildcard. We know that the Great Cock in S3 knows about her, but I wonder if she was on anyone’s radar before timeline-40 happened. I’ll keep an eye out!

When Q finds out a little bit more about Alice from Margo and Eliot, he’s intrigued because he was very impressed by her spellwork. Margo and Eliot do not seem particularly interested in Alice one way or the other - when Alice leaves after Margo’s (debatably sincere) invite, they basically roll their eyes and shrug. Q tries to talk to Alice again later and she is definitely not interested in making friends.

Some time has passed, because James has sent Q several emails that he hasn’t answered. Julia hasn’t been eating or acting like herself, so James asks Q to come to her birthday party. Margo and Eliot overhear and immediately invite themselves along, because they have 100% adopted Q into their friendship already like damn. I’m kinda stunned over exactly how quickly Eliot and Margo decided that Quentin is One of Us. Eliot takes one look and is basically like ‘you’re cute, we’re keeping you’ and Margo goes with it in a way that she absolutely does not do with “Mike” later on. Eliot and Margo are the two people who are welcoming and encouraging to Q basically from day one and it just really stands out even more in a rewatch. Like Q has to go through some traumatizing shit with Alice, Penny, and Kady to start to develop any kind of bond, but with Eliot and Margo, he basically just has to show up and... be himself. And - this is jumping forward a bit but - they both mention later on that they genuinely like Q for his personality and his interests. Margo & El are stealth nerds and Eliot finds nerds charming in general, so they both just... like Q for who he is. It’s just so sweet and very adorable to see it already present in the first episode. They just like him. For the person that he is.

We meet future reoccurring hedge witch Pete at the party, briefly, as Julia goes ‘ugh no’ at first sight. Julia talks to Q in private and reveals that she remembers about Brakebills. The conversation goes badly, Q is not willing to help her with magic stuff, and he leaves with Ellot and Margo. Pete is a creep and scares Julia until she magics her way out of the trap and he invites her to join a non-Brakebills method of learning magic.

The next dream Q has about Jane Chatwin appears to take place at Rupert Chatwin’s grave (or just a monument to him? But I’m guessing grave). She warns him again not to just stick to the “garden path”. She shows him the symbol that he saw in Alice’s book and burns it into his hand, giving him a new reason to seek out Alice. Alice tells Q to meet her that night to do a summoning to contact the other side. Penny is drawn to go help Alice and Q, and Kady volunteers to join him. They do the spell and after they all leave the room, a smiley face is drawn on the mirror, ominously.

The Beast freezes everyone’s actions except their eyes, enters through the mirror. He kills a professor, is attacked by the Dean, defeats him but doesn’t kill him, and then spots Quentin. He calls Quentin out by name and starts to reach towards him and we cut to credits. That’s the scene that really made me go “woah, shit, this show commits” in my first watch-through. Specifically, it was the smiley-face that the Beast makes during that scene. I was like “did I just watch that happen?”, which a thought I have now had many many times over the course of future episodes as well. Sometimes for good and sometimes for bad, I suppose.

Magic: 1. Location portal (Dean Fogg travels through) 2. Portal to Fillory (described in F&F: the World in the Walls) 3. Clock in tree (spotted by Jane; placed by “the watcherwoman”) 4. Julia and Quentin getting into Brakebills (bushes vs elevator) and traveling to upstate New York 5. Magic exam test 6. (attempted) memory spell on Julia 7. Quentin makes the cards fly around the room after his exam and then builds them into a card castle before collapsing 8. Jane talks to Q in his dreams 9. The globes in Dean Fogg’s office sense magic, though they aren’t always right 10. Illusion work is used to keep friends and families of magic students from finding out they attend Brakebills 11. Lots of random practice magic from the students as Eliot and Margo give Q a tour 12. Kady floats during sex and make other things float too (including Penny) 13. Julia makes sparks happen at her birthday party 14. Pete uses magic to tie Julia up and scare her into showing her magic Julia breaks out of Pete’s trap 15. Q has another dream of Fillory and Jane Chatwin 16. Summoning spell with Q, Alice, Penny, and Kady 17. time freeze by the Beast, travels via mirror, magically kills a professor, takes Dean Fogg’s eyes

Relationships: Dean Fogg & Jane Chatwin: firm allies Quentin & Julia: best friends -> becoming estranged friends Julia & James: established relationship Quentin & James: friends -> becoming estranged friends Quentin & Eliot: early friendship/crush Quentin & Penny: bad first impression on both sides Eliot & Margo: best friends Margo & Quentin: early friendship Quentin->Alice: admires her talent Alice->Quentin: hostile -> becoming temporary allies Penny & Kady: immediate sexual/romantic relationship Margo & Alice: mutually unimpressed Eliot & Alice: mutually unimpressed Quentin->Kady: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Kady->Alice & Quentin: “losers" Alice->Kady & Penny: temporary allies Penny->Alice: admires her talent Jane&Fogg->Quentin&co: manipulative mentorship Pete->Julia: impressed with her talent Julia->Pete: creeped out

Obviously a certain amount of subjectivity in this but I call ‘em like I see ‘em.

Physical contact: Jane places the magic watch in Dean Fogg’s coat pocket and then smooths his clothes out afterwards. Julia sits in her boyfriend’s lap at the party. Julia touches Q’s leg, takes his book out of his hands, snuggles up to him, and kisses him on the corner of his mouth. James jumps on top of Q and Julia in Q’s bed when he’s joking about the threeway. Other people join in. Julia and Q press up against each as they walk to Q’s Yale interview, and she touches him on the back and then brushes his hair out of his eyes. Julia and Q sit pressed up together after finding the dead body of the interviewer and she’s somewhat loosely hugging him from behind. Eliot escorts Q into the exam room with a touch on the shoulder and back. Julia and Q hug in the exam room after the test. Margo pulls out Q’s tie when they’re introduced. Margo touches Eliot’s arm when talking about the third-year class and they stayed mostly pressed up arm-to-arm for much of the later conversation. Kady and Penny have sex, and then touch casually and flirtatiously in the walking scene afterward. Margo and Eliot hold hands as they run up to talk to Q when he’s on the phone with James. Eliot leads her by the hand at Julia’s birthday party. When leaving, they hug and spin around together. James hugs Q, and then Q hugs Julia. Pete touches Julia’s face when she’s trapped by his spell. dream!Jane grabs Q’s wrist and presses his hand against the summoning symbol. Q touches Alice’s shoulder when he’s trying to tell her about the symbol burned into his hand. Alice holds his wrist to look at the symbol and then pulls him along by the wrist so they can talk more privately. Penny takes Kady by the hand when they leave. Penny and Kady are playing around/holding hands in class when the Beast arrives. The Beast pulls out Dean Fogg’s eyes and bites him? headbutts him? so that he falls. Bites him, I think. WTF, Martin?

Character Notes: Dean Fogg: mint green shoes Jane Chatwin: Martin was her twin; Rupert was her older brother. She was ‘the family skeptic’. Described by Fogg as a ‘scout; freelance, sort of’. Quentin Coldwater: Checked himself into Midtown Mental Health because he “couldn’t concentrate, eat, or get out of bed” and the “feeling of not belonging anywhere was overwhelming” and being “the most useless person who ever lived”. He was planning on selling his Fillory first editions on Ebay. His father lives in Jersey. Martin Chatwin: “gloomy nature” (as claimed by Plover) Rupert Chatwin: wounded in “the war” (WWII) Charlie Quinn: Died five years ago at Brakebills, so 2010 Julia Wicker: Was going to go to Yale for a business degree.

Students: “Missing 3rd year class” students: there are only four students in the current third year class, with sixteen having gone missing. I’m not certain exactly how many we end up accounting for over the course of the season (at least Victoria and Josh but there might be more), so I will keep track of that, too. But, for now, we have the nameless four remaining. Known 1st year students: Q, Alice, Penny, Kady. Dean Fogg mentions “I’ve got another twenty-four of you today”, which sets the class size at 25 minimum (if Q is the first new student he talked to) Known 2nd year students: Margo, Eliot

Timeline Notes: Oct. 2015: Dean Fogg meets with Jane Chatwin to discuss this current time loop. “Not Tuesday”: Quentin is checking himself out of Midtown Mental Health and mentions he has a Yale grad school interview on “Tuesday”. Tuesday: Julia goes with Quentin to his Yale interview, but the interviewer is dead. Jane is posing as an EMT and gives Quentin the unpublished Fillory and Further sixth book. Quentin starts some new meds. Tuesday Night: Quentin and Julia are pulled into Brakebills for their exam (and it is day in Brakebills) Wednesday: Q is at Brakebills; Julia is back in NYC. Q gives his new meds up to Dean Fogg. ~undisclosed amount of time passes~ Julia’s birthday: Q, Eliot, and Margo attend ~undisclosed amount of time passes~

Ways the Loop-aware Messed With Our Kids: 1. Julia was kept out of Brakebills 2. Eliot was sent out to bring Q in to take his test 3. Q and Penny are roommates in the dorms 4. Jane burns Q’s hand to encourage him to seek out Alice 5. Jane tells Q that Brakebills isn’t the point and he has a greater destiny

[loxxxlay]

I think a big problem with certain, ahem, Discourse™ is the fact that people will look at any number of these categories:

autonomous

mind-controlled

under duress

psychologically manipulated

tortured

:and conflate them into one meaning.

When I say “autonomous,” I’m referring to the state we assume any character to be in unless given evidence to the contrary. they are in control of their actions and their decisions, and all responsibility for the consequences fall to them alone. 

Mind-controlled is quite obviously the opposite of autonomous. this is not as simple as someone holding a gun to your head and saying “do this or die.” It’s actually someone taking even that choice away from you. the most obvious example of this in Marvel is Clint Barton the earliest Avengers movie*. In this situation, the character has no authority over their actions and has no responsibility to own up to them.

*Now I could also note Dr. Selvig, but it’s possible that even he was not 100% “mind-controlled” because at the end he admits that he maybe made a choice - for the portal to have an on-off switch. there’s a lot of theory on what this means, but canon leaves it entirely uncertain. So you see? Even here, there is some gray area within these definitions.

thus, psychological manipulation, torture, and duress fall to a sort of gray area in between, and it may be difficult to give them a value of how much control the character had over their actions and how much responsibility they should share for the consequences. For clarification’s sake, the gun scenario (”do this or die”) is duress, which can be any threat of harm; psychological manipulation is pressing on the trigger points of someone’s personality and pressuring/encouraging them into a decision they might not have otherwise made; and tortured is physical harm until one submits to the other person’s wishes.

this is where, as i’m sure you can guess, I’m gonna severely ruffle some feathers :’)

[read more cut]

For starters, let’s look at Bucky. Everyone agrees that he was not autonomous in his decisions as the Winter Soldier. 

But was he “mind-controlled”? I say no. If he was fully mind-controlled, then the process Hydra enacted upon him shouldn’t have been able to be broken by a few words/memories from Steve. A parallel to this could be the fight between Natasha and Clint - Clint was going to kill Natasha while he was mind-controlled, and nothing Natasha could have said would have stopped him in that battle. It took that cute little “cognitive re-calibration” thing to stop him because the problem was with his actual brain. Someone else was controlling his actions. Versus Bucky, appeals to his emotions and memories did work, because the problem was less with his brain and more the fact that he had been beaten down into submission - he needed a emotionally-compelling reason to break out of the control. 

My wording there is gonna piss a lot of people off because it sounds like I’m saying “hurting innocents” was not a compelling enough reason for Bucky to break out of the control - which puts his character in a negative light. And I guess, for the first half of that assumption, you’re right. :/ But it’s so much more complicated than that. And because of the complexity, it actually gives strength to Bucky as a character.

If he wasn’t mind-controlled, and he wasn’t autonomous, then he was either under duress (yes), tortured (yes), or psychologically manipulated (yes) - in short, All of the Above. He was under a constant threat of having his memories wiped, which was a very painful process - this was an instance of all three. And this doesn’t even go into what we learned about his history with Hydra in Civil War (in which he was used as a sparring partner (or less generously, as a punching bag) for other Winter Soldiers). All of these led to him being beaten down. All of these led to his lack of choice, his lack of autonomy. Personally, I think the effect was so strong that it absolves him of any and all responsibility for his actions during his time as the Winter Soldier. But I still wouldn’t call him “mind-controlled” - because for him to break free of that level of force shows how remarkable and admirable of a Survivor he is. And simply calling him “mind-controlled” erases both what happened in canon and also his character’s goodness & strength in my opinion.

So now that we’ve thrown ourselves to the wolves once, let’s do it again with a riskier subject: Loki. :’)

the fact is (and I think, the reason people argue so much) is that canon doesn’t really definitively give us evidence on way or another on any of the different terms. there’s been arguments for Loki’s autonomy as well as evidence for him being mind-controlled by thanos/the Other with the scepter, similarly to what Loki did to Clint (both arguments of which have flaws imo*). 

For one, the Other still saw need to threaten Loki with harm, which is a compelling piece of evidence toward at least duress and also something that sways me from believing mind control because duress would be unnecessary if Loki was as mind-controlled as Clint.

However, the point isn’t really about autonomy or mind-control or the other grayer variations of. It’s about the discourse.

Some frequent statements I see are that “Loki was tortured into obeying thanos so his actions should be excused” or from the other side “Maybe he was threatened/tortured a little, but he acted mostly of his own volition, and to say he was tortured rids him of the moral complexity of his character.”

And my question toward statements like that are - are your two ideas really so far apart as you seem to think?

For the former statement, I see someone conflating mind-control with torture. For the latter, I see someone conflating torture/duress with autonomy. Both are an extremely similar headcanons at the core, but with different attitudes on what it means for Loki’s culpability - and with different (and sorry but also mistaken) views on what the gray areas mean morally.

For example, I don’t think Bucky is responsible for his actions because he was manipulated and tortured--but tony stark does. And while I don’t get that, there are a lot of people who side with tony in Civil War, so I can probably assume my point of view is not the only one that might be correct.

It’s the same thing here.

Judging someone who suffered trauma in their past which directly led them to morally questionable actions is a tough marsh to navigate. You might applaud a victim of child abuse for killing their abuser, even after their abuser is to be imprisoned. You might not applaud a victim of a gun-point robbery for killing their attacker after their attacker is to be imprisoned. Even moreso, you are extremely unlikely to applaud someone murdering their friend for a minor, verbal disagreement. Where do you draw the line of what constitutes culpability and what does not?

thus, the problem with Loki is that all of us might draw the line in a different place. And even then, all of us might put Loki on a slightly different side of that line because of the lack of specific canonical details. 

But what few seem to be doing is acknowledging the fact that cases like this aren’t easy. there’s a lot of moral gray area between autonomy and mind control, and I doubt we, as complex individuals, are going to ever be able to find an answer that pleases everyone.

*Note: I have no problem with people who prefer headcanons in which Loki was fully autonomous or fully mind-controlled. While it’s true I don’t think canon supports either stance, I support you; fandom is your playground and you have every right to enjoy yourself how you see fit. I simply ask that you hear me out when I ask y’all to treat each other’s differences of opinions kindly and respectfully. <3

In the end, we are all fans of fictional characters--and because they are fictional characters, we have a huge opportunity here! We don’t need to worry about making the “wrong decision” toward a potential victim of abuse because Loki and Bucky and other characters do not suffer consequences the way someone in real life would. therefore, we have the ability to consider these questions of morality and test them out for ourselves without causing harm.

Unfortunately, what many people seem to be doing is yelling at each other and treating people with a huge lack of respect. :/

See, unlike Loki and Bucky, these are real life people you are hurting in these situations - people who are simply trying to test out their morality on fictional characters, like you. I see terribleness from all sides, even the ones I agree with, and so I just wrote this in the hope that there will be less fighting. And even if this only leads to a couple people somewhere modifying their feelings toward these subjects, I’ll consider it a success.

thanks so much if you read all the way through <3

Being autistic, I do tend to ramble and sound condescending, so if that happened anywhere in this post, I sincerely apologize. It was not my intent, and I did the best I could. :( Feel free to let me know so I can modify any of my language used here to be more polite. <3

Also, I apologize for lowercase t’s. My t key is broken, so I can’t capitalize it without it being time-consuming and annoying >.>

Finally - you’re welcome to reblog and debate on this post if you wishh, but I likely won’t be responding. Many times when people try to debate me, it’s because they haven’t taken the time to truly understand what I’m saying and they end up misunderstanding some of my points. I get upset trying to repeat myself to no fruition, and for my mental health, I will be avoiding that here. But if I feel I have something new to say and I have the spoons, then I will!! ^_^ (However, if you are attack me personally, rather than just my argument, then I’ll flay you or block you - whichever is easier at the time. ^_^)

[crashdevlin]

Something More- Part Four

Author’s Note: *THERE IS NO WIFE-HATE HERE! I <3 Danneel Ackles. (it’s completely understandable how she acts)* This is a sequel to Open. READ THAT FIRST!  Something More Masterlist

Summary: Reader is a no-name actor who has been lucky enough to land a role on her favorite show and a part in an anthology of Marvel Cinematic Shorts. Her star is on the rise, but the man who’s made her his mistress isn’t the only one noticing it.

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader, Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Story Warnings: Open Marriage, mistress, breakups, angst, anger, jealousy, things get REALLY bad between Jensen and y/n…

Chapter Warnings:  18+ HERE BE SEX, DON’T READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!! fingering, Dom/Sub relationship, Tom is Dom, slight choking, controlling behavior (cause Tom is Dom), mentions of depression and depressive drinking, 

The drive was much easier with Tom in the car, ratty black tee and threadbare jeans making him look ever so comfortable in the passenger seat. We spent the entire ride talking about family, about what he needed to expect from mine, from Connie, from Nova. Then we sang along with my Spotify playlist. Then his.

We pulled into the driveway of my parents’ house and I took a deep breath. “Are you all right?”

I bit my lip and nodded. “It's just… you know, last time I brought a guy home, it was Nate… and they hated him from the get.”

“Are you afraid they're going to hate me?”

“I'm sure they won't, but if they did… I would have to listen to them. Because Nate was such a disaster, right, that I could have avoided if I had just listened to them.”

“But Nate and Nova forced growth in you, catalyzed change. As did Jensen.”

I looked down. I hadn't seen Jensen, and had tried to keep him from my mind, since I dropped his key off at the set. At set was determined to be the safest place to see him. He'd taken the key without a word and I'd just nodded as I turned and walked away.

“Don't mention him to them. None of them know what was going on. Well, my mom accused me of having an emotional affair with him, because she noticed he called me every night after he got done shooting… which I guess isn’t completely wrong based on how he acted after I met you… but according to them, I haven’t had anybody since Nate, so…” I pushed the car door open and stepped out, Tom following as I walked toward the door, which slung open to reveal Nova. “Supernova!” I yelled, dropping to my knees so that she could run to me and jump into my arms.

“Mommy!” She screamed, knocking me over with the force of her jump. “I missed you!”

“Oh, I missed you, too, baby!” I stood, my arms wrapped around her, and turned to Tom. “Nova, this is Mommy's friend, Tom. Remember how I told you about him?”

“Yeah, he's your boyfriend.” Nova said, forcing a chuckle from Tom.

“She's very smart.”

“Yeah, well, I was a genius before I got dumbed down by laziness and depression. I mentioned I was reading and understanding Shakespeare at her age, right?”

“Well, Midsummer Night's Dream isn't exactly that hard to follow, is it?”

“Hey! Don't make me dump you when you came all this way to meet my parents.” I joked, before grabbing his hand and pulling him into the house. “Hey, y'all, I'm home!”

“Y/n!” My mom greeted, hugging me and Nova at the same time.

“This is Tom.” I reached up and patted his shoulder.

“Mrs. Y/l/n, it's an unabashed pleasure to meet you. Your daughter is a shining light of intelligence and beauty.”

The moment my mother fell in love with Tom was showcased by her blush. Okay, so nothing to worry about. “You really go for the tall ones, don't'cha?” My dad said as he entered the living room.

“Be nice. At least this one's a gentleman.” Mom scolded.

“In the streets, anyway.” I muttered, under my breath.

“So, you met on set?” My mom asked, ushering Tom to sit on the couch.

“You know we did.” I rolled my eyes. “Go ahead, Tom. You like telling this story so much.”

“Shall I alter it for your parents’ benefit?”

“Nah. They know I’m a dirty old woman. I’m sure they’d believe you if you told them I gave it up on the second date.” I said, walking up the stairs with Nova on my hip.

“I assumed that was something unique to our relationship.” I heard Tom muse.

“Oh, definitely. She’s generally just a dirty old lady in her writings.” My dad responded. I dropped Nova to her feet on the top step and ran back down to the living room.

“Tom doesn’t need to know about that, yet!”

Tom smiled up at me. “Your fanfictions? I know about them. Someone sent a link to your story about Loki to me the night I sang with you.”

“And you still want me? You don’t think I’m a weirdo?”

“Incredibly articulate and grammatically pleasing with a good grasp on the characterizations of Loki and Thor… I quite enjoyed it.”

I gaped at him for a minute. “You… you read it? Nobody else ever… I mean, you liked it?”

“It was very good. You seem incredibly concerned with maintaining the canon of the MCU while bringing in just enough information from the comic books to flesh out the story and remedy the perceived faults in the timeline.”

“I… thank you, Tom. That means a lot.”

“I’d love to read more of your writing sometime.” His eyes sparkled at me from across the room and I laughed, loudly.

“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. Most of my stuff is Supernatural and a lot of it is reader-inserts for female readers, so…”

“You could let him read the first five chapters of your murder mystery.” Dad suggested.

“Oh, a murder mystery? Do you have it readily available?” Tom asked.

I blushed. “I guess I can get it for you.”

He followed me up to my bedroom and shut the door behind him. He smiled as he looked around the walls. “Well, the decor hasn’t been updated in quite a while, has it?”

“You know I didn’t expect to have to come back to live with my parents. The divorce just… took away my options. Didn’t want to spring for new decor when I couldn’t even afford my own place.” I pointed at the Green Day posters. “And Green Day rocks, so fuck you.”

He chuckled, his trademark ‘he-he-he’, eyes roaming down my body. He reached behind him and locked the door. “If you insist.” He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me backward onto my king bed, the one piece of furniture I fought to keep in the divorce. It was just a box spring and a mattress settled on the ground. When I was fat, I hated the sound of a bed frame groaning under my weight and I just never bought one after I lost the weight.

“Tom, we can’t.”

“Of course we can. The door’s locked. I can be quiet. Can’t you?”

“Yeah, but my parents are right downstairs and they, literally, just met you. Is this the first impression you want to give them?” I whispered as he pushed me onto the bed and covered my body with his.

“I’d think they’d want you with someone who can take care of all of your needs.” He responded, running his hands down my sides. “Besides, you said they know you're a dirty woman.”

“Yeah, but that's more metaph-fuck!” I whispered as his hand slipped into the front of my pants, long fingers easily finding and rubbing at my clit.

“I know you can be quieter than that, darling.” He whispered in my ear before starting to nibble and suck at my neck. “You don't really want me to stop, do you?”

“Yes… no.” I buried my hand in his hair and held him at the spot on my neck he usually doesn't give enough time to. “Fuck, right there.” He pulled my jeans down my legs, sliding down my body with them, biting at the inside of my thigh as he went. As I tried to hold in my moans, my eyes fell on another one of my posters: one with three men and ‘Join The Hunt’ on it. “Tom, stop.” I pulled his hair and pointed at the poster. “Jensen’s watching me.”

Tom scoffed and stood, ripping the poster from the wall. “Shouldn’t still have your ex-lover on your wall, anyway.” He grumbled at me since I was obviously offended by his treatment of my stuff.

“Yeah, but I’ve had that poster for years and you just-”

“Quiet.” He demanded, his voice low and resolute as his fingers hooked in my underwear and he pulled them down.

“Bossy.” I responded, breathlessly, as he sunk two fingers into me with no fanfare.

As he started to work his fingers in and out of me, he moved up my body and wrapped the fingers of his left hand around my neck, just hard enough to put pressure but not enough to hinder my breathing. “Sometimes, y/n, you seem like you need to be told what to do. I’m just giving you what you need.”

“Tom, I-”

His hand tightened, just slightly. “I said, ‘quiet’.” His voice made me shiver.

I nodded. I wasn’t sure what else to do. Sure, Tom was always passionate, especially in bed, and he’d always kind of controlled the situation, but this was different. This was Tom easing us into a Dom/sub relationship, which wasn’t something I’d ever wanted.

“If you’re good, y/n, if you keep quiet… I’ll let you cum. Do you want to cum?” He asked, after he’d been working me for about ten minutes. I nodded. “Words, darling. You can speak when I ask something of you.”

“Please.” I whined, and it kind of amazed me that I fell into that role so easily, following directions and eager to please.

He chuckled, letting his thumb just barely sweep across my clit. “‘Please’, what?”

“Please, make me cum.”

“Add a ‘sir’ to that sentence for good measure, Dear.”

“Please, make me cum, sir.” I breathed out.

“Go on, then.” He pressed his thumb down firmly and I saw stars. My body went rigid and I twitched and spasmed around his fingers, but I didn’t make noise. I was quiet. “Well, look. She doesn’t like being told what to do, but she’s very good at following directions. Get dressed. I’m going to wash my hands.”

I was leaning against the wall next to the door when he exited the bathroom. “What the hell was that?” I whispered.

“Something I thought we’d both enjoy. I was right, wasn’t I?”

“You can’t just spring Dom shit on a woman. What if I was a Dom?”

He chuckled. “You’re not.”

“That’s rude. I could be.”

“I’ll give it to you that you might be a switch if the circumstances were right, but you aren’t Dom, darling.” He cupped my cheek and smiled. “You, my dear, sweet y/n, were made to kneel.”

“Don’t Loki at me, you jerk.”

“Why not?” He pushed me harder into the wall. “Because we both know what it does to you?” I bit my lip and looked up into his eyes. He smirked. “See? Submissive.”

I pushed him back away from me, feeling irritated. “Oh, shut it.”

He chuckled. “Don’t feel bad. You come by it honestly. Your mum’s one, too.”

“Excuse me? How could you possibly know that?” Okay, he wasn’t wrong. I’ve known my parents were D/s since I found the ball-gag and paddle in their closet, but it baffled me that he figured it out so quick.

“Her choker, which says ‘Doll’, I believe. Don’t worry. I won’t make you wear one.”

I rolled my eyes. “Come on, Tom. You know I wouldn’t wear anything I didn’t want to.”

“But you’d want to if I gave it to you, wouldn’t you?” He smiled. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it.”

I sighed. “Yeah, I know that. Fine, but… we have to have a talk about what I’m okay with… establish safe words and whatnot.”

“Tonight. For now, I’d like to take you and Nova to lunch.” He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'd been home, chilling with Tom and Nova and my parents, for a few weeks when a fan sent me a link on Twitter to a tumblr post titled 'A theory that's gonna get me a lot of hate: Jensen Ackles cheated on his wife.'

I clung to the word 'theory' as I started to read.

'I know people are gonna give me shit about this and I kinda feel like a tin-hat by saying it, but I think it's different because it seems like the tin-hats want what they're saying to be true and I hope I'm wrong. But let's check the receipts, okay?

A year and a few months ago, y/f/n y/l/n joined the show. An incredibly attractive young actress who is a documented Jensen stan (About 24:30 on this video, where she talks about almost passing out the first time she met him). That is the story of a woman who'd sell her soul to a demon for a single night with the man she's describing, but somehow they ended up friends?

Okay. We might be able to chalk that up to Jensen's welcoming nature, I guess, but it's kinda weird that Jared and Jensen don't hang out with their other friends like they did with y/n. Even with misha, we don't get a lot of pictures of them hanging out off-set or away from conventions. She partied with them, hung out on set even on days she didn’t need to be there, ate lunch or dinner with them every freaking day, ran lines in Jensen's trailer (this video where she talks about running lines). I'm gonna call this 'The Buttering-up' stage. Jensen knew she had terrible self-esteem (about 34:10 into this video) and he had to get her comfy around him before he came onto her, or she'd never believe it.

I think it probably started right before or right after JaxCon, 'cause that's when she moved into his apartment in Vancouver. (this clip from SeaCon). Come on! They were roommates! (cue tumblr echo: They were roommates!) and over the next eight months we were treated to pictures like this: Standing way too close together to be innocent, inappropriate skin contact, is that his hand on her ass while they're singing 'Hotel California'? I think it is! Is that his hand on her thigh in this steakhouse in Vancouver? Looks like it, to me. Oh, and this scene from the season 13 blu-ray extras. Check the background. I can't be the only one who sees how sexually aggressive that stance is. That's a stance that screams, 'I'm gonna fuck you 'til you can't walk straight'. If this were a sexual harassment seminar, that'd be the 'what not to do' with your way younger coworker who idolizes you and whom you have the power to get fired. This stance is a 'Me Too Movement' no-no.

Eight months of that shit, then nothing. Since AtlCon, since y/n's birthday, they've all but ignored each other. No fun back-and-forths on Twitter, no lunches where they sit too close together, no singing together at Saturday Night Special... hell, she's been put down as 'Friday/Saturday only' for the next several cons and she was seen loading all of her stuff up into a storage pod a couple weeks after her birthday. Their 'friendship' seems to be dead.

So, what happened? Tom Hiddleston happened. I know y/n says they're just friends, but she sang that duet with him, and you could totally tell there was attraction there. And not a half an hour later, several volunteers and vendors take to Twitter to say y/n and Jensen were fighting. One said he heard Jensen say, "I love you. You know that." Then, she forgoes her normal Reba or Heart song to sing Sugarland's 'Stay' for the SNS. For those that don't know, that's a song about the other woman ending an affair because she deserves more out of life. Coincidence? Maybe.

Maybe this is all bullshit and my brain's making patterns where there are none. But maybe Jensen's a human being who doesn't get to see his wife very often and he did something stupid. Maybe y/n was just as lonely, if not more so (I mean, she has been divorced for years and has said that she hasn't had so much as a boyfriend since her divorce). Maybe she couldn't say no to Jensen fucking Ackles, because who the fuck could? Maybe they had an affair that ended when she met Tom Hiddleston. Maybe that's why it seems like they haven't spoken in two months.

Or maybe they're still good friends and her work with Marvel is keeping her too busy to hang. Maybe they were never as good of friends as they made it seem. Maybe I’m just completely wrong about all of this, but look at it. It makes sense.

I read over it, looked at all of the pictures, my heart pounding in my chest. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I sent the link to Jared with a half dozen exclamation points. Twenty minutes of pacing in my parents’ kitchen later, Jared called. “That’s crazy.”

“That’s all you’ve got to say to me? ‘That’s crazy’?”

Jared chuckled in my ear. “Y/n, she’s got nothin’ but fuckin’ theories. She has no evidence. All of her pictures are blurry. It’s conjecture.”

“But she’s right! How could she be so fucking right?”

“‘Cause some of our fans are really fucking smart, y/n, and they’ve got active and creative imaginations. I mean, you’ve read the fanfictions… you’ve written the fanfictions. Jensen says not to worry about it.”

I bit my lip and sighed, thinking about Jensen’s reaction to it. “How is he?” I couldn’t help but ask.

There was a moment of silence before he sighed. “He misses you. He seems kinda depressed.” I took a deep breath to stave off the feeling of guilt. “He’s drinking a lot… and for a guy who owns a fucking brewery, a lot is… a lot.”

“You have to stop him, Jare. You need to-”

“Don’t act like I’m not the one here trying to help him, y/n. I am. I have been trying to help him, but he’s… he’s been resistant. Which, you know, isn’t your fault, but-”

“I know you’re there for him, Jared, it’s just… maybe he needs a break. Maybe you could talk to Dabb for him. Maybe they could give him a few weeks. Or maybe...” I rolled my eyes. “You know how he gets when he doesn’t have any stress relief. He probably just needs to get laid. Help him find a new one.”

“A new you?”

“Yeah. A new mistress. Someone pretty.” I looked down. “Prettier than me. Pretty like Danneel.”

“It's not that easy, y/n. He can't just find someone to replace you. Do you realize how long it took to find someone he was attracted to that his wife approved of? Someone who would work to keep it under wraps, who'd freak out if a fan started rumors? You were a fuckin’ unicorn for him. There’s not gonna be another you.” I shook my head. That really wasn’t what I wanted to hear. “And, look, I’m not trying to make you feel bad, I understand why you had to leave, but… you’re irreplaceable and Jensen’s just gonna have to deal with it.”

“Yeah. Okay. Look, I gotta go. If Jensen’s not worried about it… if you think I shouldn’t be worried, then I won’t worry. Give my love to Gen and the kids.”

“Hey.” Jared’s voice made me stall my hang-up procedure.

“Yeah?”

“I miss you, too, ya know? You should call me more often.”

I nodded. “Yeah. I will. And you’ll see me in a few weeks. I got a few shooting days before my Marvel press tour, and after that I’m gonna be back in VanCity.”

“Can’t wait to see ya, y/n.”

“Try to get Jensen okay before I get there. Please?”

“I’m tryin’.”

“All right. See ya, Jare.”

“See ya.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few days later, I walked into the house after having made a trip to the Wal-mart up the street. "Us Weekly thinks I'm stalking you." I said, making a beeline for the table, where Tom sat with a cup of tea and his newest script. I dropped the Walmart bags on the table and took the seat next to him.

"Oh, do they?"

"Yeah. Apparently, we're always at the same places because I'm obsessed with you and you're too polite to tell me to fuck off."

"Well, they're half right. You are obsessed with me." He smirked as he set his script down and picked up the teacup. "We wouldn't have this problem if you'd let me make the announcement."

I shook my head. "I told you, Tom, your fans scare me. Besides, both of our last relationships were spectacular failures. This way, if something goes wrong, we don't have to deal with-"

"What could go wrong?"

"You could walk." I said, looking away from him.

"You think I'm going to leave you, like Nate did." He said, setting the teacup on the table and looking across at me.

I felt small under his gaze and swallowed. "Like every other person I've ever dated." I stood and grabbed the bags. "If we don't tell anybody that we're dating, then I don't have to deal with the pity when it ends. I don't have to be the woman who chased away Tom Hiddleston."

There was a moment of silence before he picked up his script again. "I understand.” He said, in a voice that said he didn’t understand.

“Tom.”

“You have a parent-teacher conference to attend, don’t you?” He reminded me, coldly.

“Yeah.” I leaned forward. “Are you mad at me?”

His eyes flashed to mine. “You’d know if your master were mad, wouldn’t you, Dear?” He asked, voice low, using my sub name. Exactly.

“Yes, sir.”

“Then, go to your meeting.” He ordered. I nodded, standing. “Do not touch your ex-husband.”

“Yes, sir.” I wasn’t planning to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I turned my phone back on after the parent-teacher conference, my Twitter app had so many notifications it just said ‘99+’. Facebook Mentions was the same. The source? A status update to Tom's seldom-updated Facebook page. My mouth went dry as I read his words.

   '6 months ago saw a rewrite to the Marvel Cinematic Shorts Anthology script, which brought a new minor character. Kevin Feige knew who he wanted in the role before the script was even done being altered; a relatively unknown actress with a single acting credit to her name- y/f/n y/l/n. I was immediately drawn to the woman and asked her for drinks before we'd finished in Hair and Makeup the morning I met her. I'd fallen in love before the week was out. Y/n is a private woman, not used to being so in the public eye, so I acceded to her request for discretion, portraying myself as her friend whenever someone might be looking. I tried to convince her several times that we should go public over the past 2 months and she dismissed each attempt. This morning I discovered the reason. She's expecting I will leave. She doesn't want anyone profiting on her heartbreak or to give them a reason to judge or, worse, pity her. But I'm not planning to leave. I have no desire to be another on her short list of past relationships. I've resisted the urge to shout the truth of my heart from the rooftops, but no longer. I'm in love with this sweet Southern woman and leaving her is not an option for my heart.'

Accompanying the status was a picture Tom took in his room at the Ritz; me, in just panties and his ratty black t-shirt (which came to my mid-thigh), looking out the bedroom window at the lights of downtown Atlanta. It was one of his favorite pictures of me, which he'd taken the Sunday after ATLcon.

I didn't go through too many of the comments, but the few I looked at were positive notes congratulating Tom on his happiness. A few said, "Who wouldn't want the world to know they were dating Tom?" and then came the SPN Family with, "She's a divorced Mom who probably doesn't want the media to descend upon her private life like the vultures they are. Also, she probably doesn't feel like she deserves him." and links to con videos where I talk about being fat, depressed, having low self-esteem and the toxic relationship I had with Nate.

When I switched to Twitter, the story was different. Most of the mentions were something along the lines of '@taylorswift13 have u heard about @twhiddleston and @y/l/n_y/n?' Taylor responded with, 'Uh, excuse me, but #whothehellisy/l/n_y/n?' The Swifties ran with the hashtag and 'whothehellisy/l/n_y/n' was trending by the time I got to Twitter. I responded with '@taylorswift13 Big Fan since 'Tim McGraw'. I'm an actor no one's heard of. If i catch the meaning behind your tag, you want to know 1/2' then I replied to it. 'How an absolute nobody ended up with a man who used to be yours. Honestly, I'm just as lost as you are. #sonotworthy. 2/2'

I was hoping that a modest and non-confrontational response was the best way to go. I got in my car and drove home, seething. When I walked into the house, I slammed the door behind me. Tom walked into the living room as I dropped my purse and jacket on the couch. He was dressed in my favorite dark grey suit and had his hair the way I like. Trying to minimize my anger through looking like a damn dream. "I'm so sorry." He said.

"You just flipped my life on its end and all you have to say to me is 'sorry'?"

"I understand how livid you must be, y/n, but-"

"'Livid' isn't even a strong enough word, Tom, but I'm so ticked off that I can't think of a stronger one! My name is trending on Twitter, I've had more Mentions in the past hour than I have since joining the site, your fans are probably plotting my death as we speak, a picture that you took in an intimate setting is now forever on the internet and Taylor Swift followed me just so that she could DM me. She's delightful, by the way, wants to have drinks next time I'm in Nashville. Oh, and there wasn't any kind of upset at the White House or a police shooting or terror attack today, so guess what the late night talk shows are gonna be monloguein' 'bout? Thank God you posted that status early enough for them to get in on this!"

He sighed. "I suppose it was a very dramatic and public way to go about it, but it was best to get it done, get it out of the way and move on. I’m just trying to do what’s best for you. Sometimes, you need that. Dear.” The word made me want to slip into that sub persona, but I fought it. He doesn’t get to do the voice and look at me with those stupid blue eyes and then everything’s okay. “We'll be a hot topic for a few weeks and then, people won't care until there's a ring on your finger."

"Don't talk about getting married when I'm still so angry with you!" I paced in front of him, angrily. "You completely disregarded my wishes. We talked about it for months and I never wanted people to know, what would make you-"

He grabbed my arm as I paced, stopping me in front of him. "I couldn't stand it, anymore. I love you and I can't pretend I don't, any longer. I want people to ask me 'Why her?' so I can tell them every single thing I adore about you. I want to fly you and Nova to London for a long weekend and hold the hands of my two favorite girls as we walk down Oxford Street and I buy you whatever your heart desires. I couldn't keep this to myself, anymore, especially after finding out that you only wanted it secret so that it'd be easier for me to leave you." He ran his hands down my arms. "I'm not leaving."

"Fuck." I looked up into his eyes. "You suck."

He smiled. "You love me."

"You better be glad I do. I wouldn't tolerate this shit if I didn't."

"I'm ecstatic to be recipient of your love." He said, leaning down to kiss me. I pulled away and grabbed the remote from the coffee table. "What are you doing?"

"I'm setting the DVR to record Conan, Colbert, Fallon, Kimmel and Corden. They're gonna be talking about me and I wanna see what they say."

"You don't need to-"

I put my hand up as he spoke. "I deserve to know, Tom. Don't argue with me on this."

"All right. Once you've set that up, will you please come have a cuppa with me?"

"You can make me a cup of vanilla chamomile with honey. I'll be in there in a minute."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kimmel had poked fun at me, like I'd assumed he would. I'm a witch, so I must've cast a spell on him, according to the first Jimmy. Fallon was a bit nicer, mostly just questioning who the heck I am. Colbert said he liked a mystery and was excited that I was part of the MCU Cinematic Shorts promotional tour coming through next week. Conan was more interested in Taylor's hashtag and my humble response, what I must've said in the DMs to get her to retract her dismissive attitude.

But Corden, oh James fucking Corden... Were I not already a fan, his mono would have made me one. "World War III didn't start today, North Korea hasn't bombed us, yet, and there weren't any resignations from the White House, so we get to discuss something far more important than any of that: Tom Hiddleston and his new girlfriend." The audience laughed. "Now, you might have noticed that the hashtag 'whothehellisy/l/n_y/n' was trending on Twitter most of the day and that was in response to Tom Hiddleston's declaration of love on Facebook. A lot of people, Tom's ex Taylor Swift included, have never heard of the young woman who's playing opposite him in the next Marvel movie. We at The Late Late Show are on fairly late, though, so we had more time before shooting to look into the question of 'who the hell is y/l/n y/n?'. Y/l/n_y/n is the Twitter handle of this woman, y/f/n y/l/n." He held up a picture of me, a headshot that I had taken by Stardust & Melancholy. "She's 29 years old, a divorced single mother who has only two acting credits on her Internet Movie Database page. She has a small but loyal fanbase made up of people who watch the show she was on: Supernatural. She's spoken, at length, about her marriage and her poor self esteem and she's just..." He dropped the picture to the stage.

"I don't have jokes. Y/f/n is so certain that Tom is going to leave her that she didn't want people to even know that she was dating him. She's certain that she's not good enough, not perfect enough, and that's why he told the world but I've been the chubby kid on this playground we call 'Hollywood' and I have doubted many good things that happened to me because this society has told me that good things would never happen to me. Miss y/l/n has captured the attention of one of Britain's best, a man so at home in a Shakespearean tragedy that I thought he actually was King Henry when I met him. You deserve the good, Miss y/l/n. You deserve the happiness. And I deserve an invite to the wedding."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Tom asked, cuddling into my back wrapping his arms around me.

"No, but you do know that there's going to be paparazzi here in a couple days, right? Like, all over the place."

"Yes. Perhaps we should get one of the rentals on the beach. Better security."

"We'd have to drive Nova to school in the morning."

"I think it'd be better."

"Yeah, but I think it'd be a waste. You want a condo? Research, do it right. Get a good one. I mean, I'm going to Vancouver in two days to shoot, then we're going on the press tour for the movie. We've got time to find a good condo, maybe on the Island, maybe Destin. There's some good places in Navarre and Bluewater. Gulf Breeze. Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked as he rolled on top of me and stared down at me.

"I love you." He said, simply.

"I love you, too." I responded.

"You're making plans. A place that's ours, here."

"And in London." I whispered. "I know that's where you'd prefer. Your theatres are there."

"But Nate would never allow you to move Nova across the Atlantic."

"Hence, a condo here and a place in London. We'll just have to figure it out as we go along."

"I'd like nothing more."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tom and I went to the airport together. He was flying back to London, I was flying to Vancouver. We’d meet in New York for our Late Show appearance in a week. He handed me a box when we got to the airport. I opened it to reveal a bracelet, a simple thick band made of leather with ‘TOM’S’ stamped into it. “You can wear it upside-down, if you want. As long as you know what it means.” I stared down at it for a moment and he plucked it out of the box. “I told you I wouldn’t make you wear a choker, Dear, but I want you to remember… while you’re away from me… who you belong to.”

“You think, ‘cause I’m away from you…”

“I think you’re going to be in the same building as Jensen and I want you to have a reminder on your wrist of who you are. My Dear. Mine.” His long fingers attached the leather band upside-down on my wrist. “Don’t take it off unless you have to for a scene and if you do have to remove it, you put it right back on afterward. Do you understand?”

I nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“Good girl.” He whispered, pushing his hand into my hair and pulling me into a deep kiss. I could hear camera shutters across the way but I tried to ignore it. That was going to be a part of my life for the rest of my career and relationship. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. Call me when you land?”

“Of course.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vancouver seemed like a different place when I got there. It was like I was a visitor in my own home. People were staring at me, I felt uncomfortable, I just wanted to go back to where it was safe in Tom’s arms.

Jared rushed to Hair and Makeup when he heard I was on the lot. “Hey! You’re here!”

His happy face and warm eyes washed away some of my discomfort. “Yeah. A couple days of Second Unit stuff before I go on promo tour for Marvel.”

“Well, it’s good to have you back, even for a couple days.” He smirked. “So, that Facebook post, huh?”

I rolled my eyes, picking at the metal fastener on my bracelet. “He thought it was the best thing to do.”

“But obviously, you don’t agree.” Jared said, dropping into the empty chair next to me.

“Well, I don’t always make the best decisions, you know. Tom is better at that stuff.”

“I don’t know. I thought you were doing pretty fuckin’ good with decisions over the last couple years. I mean, you were making your life better.”

“Also making it worse… and certain other peoples’ lives.” I shrugged. “Sometimes I just need to have someone help me figure out what to do.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Jared seemed skeptical of my words. Well, they were actually Tom’s words, but whatever. “Hey, you should come to dinner with me tonight. You’re only in town for a couple days. I haven’t gotten to see you in a couple months. We gotta catch up.”

I nodded. “Okay. As long as… as long as it’s just the two of us.”

“Uh, yeah. Jensen’ll understand.” Jared said, standing. “Gotta go. I’ll text when I’m ready to get food.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dinner was actually a very, very late drink and some bar grub at Black Bear Pub. “So, what’s he like, huh?”

“Tom?”

“Yeah, Tom. He, like, fuckin’ swept in and stole you away so he’s gotta be really fuckin’ amazing, right?”

“He didn’t steal me away, J-pad. Come on.”

“Kinda did, y/n. And I’m not even talking about him stealing you from Jensen. I’m talking… how much time have you spent with the Wayward Women lately? How much time have you spent with anyone other than Tom?”

I shrugged. “You remember how the honeymoon phase goes.”

“Well, I miss you. Kim and Bri and Rob and Rich, they miss you, too.”

“They see me more than you do.”

“They say you’re not really there when you’re there.”

I picked at the bracelet again. “I’ve just had a lot on my mind, you know. Between what happened with Jensen and fighting Nate for custody and trying to hide my relationship and recently dealing with the aftermath of his Facebook bullshit… I’ve just got a lot going on.” I picked up my drink and took a sip.

Jared watched my face for a few moments. “But you are happy, though… right?”

I smiled. “Yeah. I am. He’s a great guy. He’s incredibly intelligent, attractive, and nice. He wants… everything for me. He’s helping me with my career. He’s helping me get out of my parents’ house. I mean…” I looked down, rubbing my fingers over the bracelet. “It’s not just about what he’s doing for me. He makes me feel like everything’s gonna be okay, like I’m gonna be okay. He’s this incredibly calming force. He makes me feel safe just by being around me. Everything’s controlled with him. Even the chaos is controlled chaos.”

Jared nodded. “Okay. Long as you’re happy.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I got to the hotel in New York, Tom greeted me in the lobby. Cameras went off outside the door as he wrapped his arms around me, but they weren’t allowed in the building. “I’ve already checked us in. Let’s go up to the room.”

“Okay.”

He picked up my bag and we headed to the elevators. “So, how was Vancouver?”

“It was good. It was weird, but good.”

“And did you see any of your old friends?” His tone was clipped. He was trying to sound conversational, but he was definitely asking if I’d seen Jensen and he was already teetering on upset at the thought that I might have.

“Just Jared. He took me to get a drink.” I hit the call button for the elevator and turned to look up at him. “Jensen was shooting on location with Samantha this week so he was easy to avoid.”

Tom smiled, brightly. “And how are you liking your bracelet?” He asked, taking my hand in his and sliding the sleeve of my jacket down my arm. He smiled to see it still on my wrist. “Did you have to take it off, at all?”

“Yeah. For work. Tara wears rose quartz beads on her wrist. I smoothed it out and tucked it in my bra, though, when I couldn’t wear it. Figured it still served its purpose of reminding me if it were next to my heart.”

“And you put it right back on your wrist as soon as you were done?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good girl.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Getting out of the back of the Town Car with Tom's hand in mine was new and it was nice until one of the women in the crowd outside of Ed Sullivan Theater with Tom's face on her t-shirt shouted out that 'the piggy should just up and die!'. Tom wrapped his arms around me and refused to sign anything for anyone in the crowd. I heard from security a few minutes later that they had to break up a fight because the woman was being assaulted for causing everyone else to lose their interaction with Tom. Tom was soothing me when we entered the green room. Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackey stopped talking when we walked in. "Sebastian! Anthony! Good to see you!"

"Don't think we didn't notice you hijacked our press tour with your Facebook Romeo bullshit." Mackey said, sitting up to grasp Tom's hand.

"If he's Romeo, that makes me Juliet. I don't wanna be Juliet. She's a whiny little teenager. Can I be Mercutio?"

"Only if I can be Tybalt." Sebastian answered, reaching his hand out to shake mine.

"You wanna kill me, already? We just met." I joked.

"Hey!" Anthony slapped Sebastian's shoulder. "I thought we were reserving judgment, man. That is not your 'reserving judgment' face."

"What? She's funny."

"That means a lot, coming from you. I am a big fan."

"Yeah?"

"Definitely. I mean, I watched 'I, Tonya' and I give zero fucks about Tonya Harding. Also, Political Animals, even though it caused fights between me and my mom." I turned to Mackey. "And, of course, 'Detroit' was amazing!"

"You saw it?"

"Oh, yeah. It was super informative. No one ever thought to explain to me why the Detroit riots happened."

"Well, if it gets folks talking..."

"Yeah, definitely. ‘course, it's harder to talk to some folks than others. My mom is one of those folks who thinks that just because she didn't realize there was a race issue when she was growing up in Compton in the 70s, that means it didn't exist."

"Oh, so she didn't know there was a race issue 'cause she's a bigot?" Anthony concluded.

I nodded. "Yeah, pretty much. Two California-raised conservatives who voted for McCain and Trump ended up raising a trio of Liberal-leaning Independents who voted for Obama and Clinton. They're so confused."

"Must be a hard household to live in." Sebastian commented.

"Definitely. One I still live in, unfortunately. Had to move back after the divorce ‘cause I didn’t have any money and now, just haven't had the time since I got the money."

"We're working on that." Tom cut in, with a sigh.

"Tom gets so uncomfortable when my mom and I start in on each other about politics." I said, with a smile. "He's so non-confrontational about things like that."

"Yeah, he's British, what do you expect?" Sebastian said.

"I don't really get that. You know the Brits kinda ruled the world through conquest and confrontation for hundreds of years, right?"

"Oh, she's pullin' out history!" Mackey responded.

"I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but once the Queen gave up power to Parliament, that's when the whole super-polite, non-confrontational thing got its legs. I, however, know that there are confrontational Brits. I’ve had a bunch of women spewing hate at me since Tom’s little announcement."

"Wow." Sebastian said.

"Yeah, Tom’s fans are not… not happy with me. Anyway..." I leaned against Tom and he wrapped his arms around me. "I know Colbert is gonna want us to talk about us but I will redirect the conversation as fast as possible."

"Sounds good." Anthony said, nodding.

Open Tags-  @angelessquirrel @mirandaaustin93 @supernatural-bellawinchester @mannls @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @nanie5 @super-fics

Everything Tags- @heyitscam99

[margridarnauds]

Ship Meme: 7, 16, 30; Ronan/Laz or Bres/Sreng

Since apparently I’m in the mood for these two losers...

7. What do they get up to on a night out?

Even though Ireland will always be Bres’ main stronghold (out of sheer stubbornness if nothing else), he also has a bit more of an international reach than the rest of the Tuatha dé and is overall much, much happier just being around mortals. (He and Manannan will both STAUNCHLY deny having that in common, but. Well. Like uncle, like nephew.) Most of the Tuatha dé have a disdain for the mortals, still holding them responsible for them losing Ireland, perfectly content to stay beneath the earth in their Sidhe-mounds and keep to themselves as they’ve done for centuries, but does Bres REALLY care about that? No. He's actually FONDER of them for that reason. 

He’s perfectly happy in Paris, Boston (though the Dagda is oddly fond of that one, for reasons that Bres quite frankly can’t understand), or Las Vegas, where he’s one more face in the crowd. (As opposed to, say, Dublin, which, as much as he likes it for its Viking origins, there’s a not-inconsequential possibility that he’ll run into someone that he cares about or, God help him, Lugh, on the rare occasions Lugh bothers with mortals.) He also tends to avoid Scotland and Norway, because there’s a little too much Fomorian influence for him to be happy, and the LAST thing he wants is for his father to be there when he’s on a nice, happy date with his boyfriend.) 

Their nights out tend to be when both of them relax around one another. Both of them are a lot more animated than they tend to initially come off (post CMT, Bres has really sobered for the most part, ESPECIALLY after the little incident with the red liquid), going from one thing to another. Bres tends to look up everything beforehand that they could go to and drags Sreng from place to place, though sometimes he’s perfectly happy just to go for a walk, now that they’re both at a place where they can HAVE that kind of liberty. Back in the old days, there was such an emphasis on status and having a proper retinue that there were few enough times that they could actually have any time to themselves. Taking aside all the touristy options, arcades seem to be a particular favorite. Bres is a GENIUS at pinball. Meanwhile, he totally takes advantage of having a tall boyfriend to get a ton of tickets in the little basketball courts. They get VERY competitive when it comes to laser tag, to a frankly ridiculous extent. 

(Lugh is always constantly on the lookout, because he believes that it’s part of some diabolical scheme that Bres has to conquer Ireland. It’s been centuries now. He still has no idea.)

16. When the zombie apocalypse comes, how do they cope together?

Honestly, Bres and Sreng are SET for the zombie apocalypse. The two of them are, in their own time, two of the most competent men from their respective sides. (Bres is a bad KING, but look at his kill count in Cath Maige Tuired Conga. He’s a very, very pretty killing machine.) There would be NO problem as far as whether or not they could, like, drive a knife through someone’s brain. The answer is an obvious “Yes.” Personally, I see Bres becoming disgusted with the Tuatha dé fairly early on with things, since they would obviously leave those who don’t fit their Ideal to the zombies (which would include the Fir Bolg, the slaves, the ones who don’t fit into that artistic elite, etc), defecting to Sreng and the Fir Bolg. 

(”Oh no, Lugh’s a zombie, whatever shall we do?”)

I do think that Sreng would be tested to his extreme, because in-canon (I know, always a funny term to use with these texts), Sreng DID have to deal with a situation where their population was depleted that MASSIVELY. And, if we’re assuming this is taking place post-Cath Maige Tuired Conga, it would be CRUSHING to him because their population is so small that ANY Fir Bolg that’s killed would be someone he KNEW. He would have to make a lot of high pressure decisions really quickly, and I think it would haunt him. There would be all those thoughts of “What could I have done differently?” In which case Bres would really be the best person to deal with it, just as a source of stability. But, from what we see of Sreng, he’s level minded, he’s NOT stupid, and he’s not keen on taking huge risks. He’d honestly probably be the best guy the Fir Bolg could have on their side. 

30. Why does it work (or not work) between them? 

Bres and Sreng honestly have a LOT in common. One thing that I don’t think I really discuss as much with them is that BOTH of them start out at this place where they’re essentially outsiders in their own tribe. 

It’s not mentioned in-text, but Sreng’s father, Sengann, was one of the initial Fir Bolg kings who first landed on Ireland, and he would be killed fairly early on in things. It’s not mentioned how old Sreng was when that happened, but I tend to lean towards “YOUNG.” And then Sreng’s brother, Fodbgen became ruler after killing the man who killed their father, only to die shortly thereafter at the hands of Eochaid mac Erc, who was king of the Fir Bolg when Sreng fought Cath Maige Tuired Conga and who would die then. The homefront for Sreng at the beginning of things has GOT to be tense when they send him out to meet with Bres, he’s got to be in this very odd position as far as everyone EXPECTING him to one day kill Eochaid, because that’s been the pattern. 

And meanwhile, Bres isn’t REALLY in with the Tuatha dé either; his father’s a foreigner, his connection to the Tuatha dé comes from the maternal line. And, like with Sreng, it’s pretty easy to read between the lines with Bres and at least guess that he’s not exactly had a childhood as we’d know it (not that a lot of Irish heroes did, given the love that the texts have for the Prodigy Hero). Growing at twice the age of a normal kid, I think that his bonds with kids his own age would have been very stunted, I tend to think that he probably was subjected to taunting because of his status. (Judging from some bardic poetry where Lugh gets bullied for his Fomorian ancestry, along with the little moment in Tochmarc Etain where Aengus is given a difficult time for not knowing his father and mother.) Bres is probably married to Bríg at this point (though there’s such little info available on that one, you could HC it any number of ways), but she’s part of that literary elite that Bres doesn’t fit in with. 

So, when they meet up, they’re both really at this place where they’ve managed to work their way into the tribe, but they’re also not content there, and then they meet someone who GETS them on a fundamental level. Which is why I tend to HC that Bres goes downhill once the Fir Bolg leave. He had a chance at someone who UNDERSTOOD him and who loved him outside of his looks or what he could do for them, and suddenly that was ripped away. And that’s how I tend to see their dynamic going throughout the years afterwards, as the two of them really ARE the only stability that they’ve ever had. They’re really kind of an inversion of the later Cú Chulainn/Ferdiad dynamic, where they met young, got that attachment to one another, and then let their peoples tear them apart. Bres looked at that society that said “You have no choice but to choose us over him, if you’re lucky we might even forgive you for replacing Nuada” already exhausted and heart-sick and said “I have one option left: Break society.” Bres ISN’T the faithful dog to them that Cú Chulainn or even Lugh is but he’s a better man, because he still has a conscience, even if he buried it deep for Cath Maige Tuired, and so he ends up breaking, and suddenly him and Sreng are at this place where they’re free to start things, and Sreng’s stable enough and puts enough of a focus on family ties that he’s perfectly fine acting as another parent to Bres’ kids. And because of the way that things ended initially, Sreng totally didn’t think that there would ever be a chance that Bres could requite things. Like, he’ll still sometimes turn over in bed and go “WOW. How did that happen?”

Basically, unlike, say, Ferdiad/CC, which starts off as Friends-Lovers-Rivals, they go from Rivals-Friends-Lovers. And if Bres is away from Sreng for more than, like, a few days, he goes into full-blown pining mode. It’s pathetic. The TDD have accepted that The Fir Bolg has to be there, because NO ONE wants to put up with an irritable, pining half-Fomorian former king. Because Bres has more or less forgotten how to sleep on any other surface that isn’t Sreng’s chest throughout the years. Yet another advantage of the height difference.

[ctl-yuejie]

Thoughts on Jamie and Namnhao

(includes spoilers until the first half of episode 7)

I started watching this series because l’ve been in love with Mild since Kiss The Series, but the way how Jamie and Namnhao are written really was a pleasant surprise.

Both are only side characters so they could’ve easily gone with the popular “jock falls for the quiet and shy boy” - trope. Instead their relationship is way more nuanced and I love every second of it. 

Jamie

While he is on the popular kids’ basketball team and good friends with college heart-throb Aud he doesn’t really fit into their hierarchy. We see him defend Aud against what seems to be the “alpha” of the team and at all parties he’s moving independently of everyone else. He’s still part of the gang, getting invited to events etc. but he doesn’t seem to give in to peer pressure. 

Jamie is not the loudest team member but he will do anything for his friends and even gets physical with the “alpha” guy (he’s the worst I didn’t care enough to remember his name) after he mocks Aud. (I should point out that Aud has lied to Jamie, so he is unaware of what a monster Aud really is)

At the same time he isn’t out to his friends: he evades Aud’s questions about who he’s texting and just denies that it’s a girl and he gets flustered when the “alpha” guy makes homophobic comments and insinuates that he might know about him dating a guy.

Jamie himself however thinks that he’s neither in or out the closet. 

And this is why I like the way he’s written so much. Because both Jamie and Namnhao feel so realistic to me in 2018. Jamie didn’t have a coming-out but he never lies about his sexuality either. I believe he feels quite smug telling Aud that he’s not texting a girl, because he is telling the truth. And I get him. I don’t want to speak for everyone here, but at least I believe that I would love to live in a world in which I didn’t need to constantly come-out. A world in which no one assumes you are straight, a world in which you can just talk about crushes of any gender or introduce your significant other to your friends and family without anyone making a fuss out of your sexuality. That doesn’t mean that I don’t take pride in my sexuality or the community but to me this would be the ideal world. I do see myself in Jamie. He seems to believe that no one should care about him dating Namnhao and thinks of his own sexuality as something so normal he doesn’t feel the need to address it publicly. (This is not in the show but in my head canon he’s not out to his parents either, but tells himself that he’ll just bring his boyfriend home someday and they will say nothing special about it)

Jamie himself tells Namnhao that he doesn’t mind people talking about him, that he wants everyone to know that they’re in a relationship and he teases Namnhao for hiding in the bathroom in order to video-call him.

And Jamie genuinely beliefs to be in this place of self-acceptance and have this progressive environment because he acts like he does.

When he first meets Namnhao at the party he immediately starts flirting with him in front of everybody and straight on hits on him during the night. He initiates all the hand-holding and pecking in public, which is a lot when you consider that PDA in general is not that much of a thing in Thailand (or so I’ve been told).

Of course we already see the tell-tale signs that everything is not as settled as Jamie thinks it is and we hope it to be. As soon as his sexuality becomes a topic in his inner circle, his team mates and people from school, he panics. Even when Namnhao says that he wants people at the party to know about their relationship, he panics for a second and then tries to find an excuse not to do that.

When he gets taunted in the locker room by his team mate he gets very defensive and calls Namnhao just a friend, the moment someone who recognizes him is around him he stops showing any affection for Namnhao. In episode 7 they are in the safety of a gay club and he’s about to kiss Namnhao but he runs of when some other guy in the bar recognizes him as “Jamie from the school’s basketball team”. 

This is what I love about his character. He doesn’t struggle with his homosexuality, but he has this underlying fear of being made an outsider and being left alone if people find out about it.

He lies to himself about how courageous he is and every time he gets confronted with his fears he finds an excuse: by only telling Aud that he’s not texting a girl and by making the fight with his team mate in the locker room about Aud getting disrespected even though it were the homophobic comments that ticked him off and we can see in his eyes how scared he really is of people finding out. He’s not scared of his homosexuality he’s scared of the consequences his sexuality has in a homophobic environment. And to me that’s very legit and also part of the contemporary struggles that LGBTQI+ youth face.

Jamie not only lies to himself, he lets Namnhao belief that he doesn’t give a shit and tries his best to act upon it. As long as he’s surrounded by strangers he will kiss Namnhao and hold his hand and tell him that Namnhao should be more courageous and open about his sexuality. 

Which leads to the bathroom scene in the gay bar when all comes tumbling down and he has to confront himself and Namnhao about the lies. He’s enraged not because he’s angry at the gossipy gays or Namnhao but because he’s so disappointed with himself. He had this whole constructed logic about how he was doing fine and and how he is confident but now he realizes how scared he really is and how he’s hurting Namnhao. He holds himself to such a high standard that it must feel like a punch in the gut to have these sobering thoughts.

Jamie is courageous but his romantic view of himself and the world has blinded him to his own fears. However, we can see him grow and come to terms with himself fast. Because after he leaves Namhao crying in the bathroom he comes running back to look for him.

Namnhao

Namnhao has the realistic approach to the world that Jamie needs. He is not out to his family but unlike Jamie really doesn’t seem to care if people know. Namnhao is very confident in his gayness. We don’t know anything about his social circle besides his twin brother but we know that he went to that gay bar before. 

In my head canon Namnhao keeps to himself at college but has some childhood friends he’s still close with who know that he’s gay. And out of curiosity he’s been to gay bars before and while he’s not one for a casual hook-up I do think that he feels happy and comforted by the thought that this is a place just for him where everyone is just like him and somewhere where he can feel safe.

Namnhao is quiet and soft spoken but he’s very strong. He just knows what fights to pick and which not, whereas Jamie is very emotional and doesn’t think before he acts. Namnhao will stand up against three of Jamie’s teammates to protect Lookkaew, who he isn’t even close with. All he knows is that she’s the girls everyone and his brother keep talking about and that everyone else just keeps taking videos on their phones instead of helping her to get out of the situation. Namnhao will never stand for injustice.

Namnhao also knows that his dad is a homophobe so he decides to not come out to his family because he has enough evidence to come to the conclusion that they won’t accept him. He doesn’t like PDA that much but he will unabashedly show his adoration for Jamie in private and tease him mercilessly. Unlike Jamie he’s very aware of where his boundaries are and what he dares to do but he constantly tries to challenge himself and be more open. This is one of the reasons why he likes Jamie so much, because Jamie will hold his hand and kiss him in public and tell him how he wants everyone to know about them.

The only miscalculation he makes is with his brother. Namnuea figures out that Jamie is much more than a friend and he makes it a point to tell Namnhao that he thinks that Namnhao shouldn’t be afraid to be who he is because he believes that their generation is that progressive. It is really sweet to see that Namnhao was wrong about his brother not accepting him and I think it gives him the courage to not assume that his surrounding is mostly homophobic and become more open.

He feels much more betrayed by Jamie turning out to not be as confident as he says he is. Namnhao who’s always calculating the risks decided to fully trust in Jamie and he gets disappointed. He’s angry that Jamie is so afraid of being outed that he won’t even show that they’re together in a gay bar. Because this is the kind of rejection he expects of his father but not Jamie.

Namnhao has to learn that Jamie doesn’t like him any less just because he’s not ready to be as open as himself yet. He can’t just put all his expectations he has of society on Jamie and expect him to not fold under the pressure. I hope he realizes that.

I had to include the last scene of ep 7 -  so more spoilers! - I won’t get too much into the elephant in the room because I’ve already ranted about this before and how strongly I disagree with that progression of the plot.

Obviously his whole situation changes drastically by the end of episode 7 but there’s also such a change in how he sees his own position. The homophobic reaction of his dad is nowhere near as terrifying as to what he had to survive so he just sits there at the table and basically tells his dad “I’m gay, deal with it”.

All in all I love their characterization because imo the writers managed to include a lot of emotional turmoil that young LGBTQI+ people experience nowadays.

You want your society to be more progressive, you don’t want to need safe spaces and there’s the tempting assurance by straight people around you that everything will be fine and the world is not that homophobic anymore. But as in the series you see the lack of empathy towards victims of sexual assault around you, you see people disrespecting basic privacy rules because they lech at the “otherness” of people around them. So despite the assurance, there’s still the big unknown as to how your coming-out will play out. You can be stealth about your sexuality and belief that in this time and age you don’t need to come out anymore. Which is legit and luckily a reality for some people.  However it requires just as much courage to come out nowadays and to feel confident in oneself and I think they did a great job encapsulating all of this in Jame and Namnhao.