#like we can't enjoy something that was meant to first ridicule us

[thecommunityoftrustworthysinks]

my last post about white christmas has me thinking about older queer media, or potentially queer and queerphobic parts of older media. how so many of them had to be like that to exist at all, how queer people have always sought ourselves and each other in even the smallest of places.

like. that movie where patrick swayze played a trans woman (haven’t seen it, though i want to, and i forget the name). that’s not how we would do that today, but that doesn’t mean that the fact a trans woman was a major and serious part of a film’s character cast at all isn’t important. or like people lamenting that brokeback mountain was a tragedy, and how many other tragic stories of queer people existed before happy ones, because so many times that was the only way we were allowed to exist. i remember trying to placate my parents towards gay people in tv shows and movies by saying they died in the end, as if that justified their existing (no i didn’t believe this, i was a closeted kid in a violently homophobic household.)

and originally, what prompted this post, how the drag(ish) scene in white christmas certainly wasn’t the most mockery-free scene, but that danny kaye, a bisexual man, put his all into making it something genuinely fun instead of entirely a joke on embarrassment of men in women’s dresses. (now, of course, i don’t know if that’s what was on his mind or not when filming that scene, and im not assuming that either. i don’t know how involved in queer communities of the time danny kaye was. it’s just something i notice in a scene that could’ve been a lot worse than it was)

we’ve always been here. even when the only place we’re allowed to carve out for ourselves is in tragedy or otherwise tiny and unideal, you can’t ever erase us entirely. queer history is so important, don’t ever neglect it because it’s not up to the standards we would want today. it’s good that we’re doing better. value that!

[imgae-insertshockedgasps-16]

humans are space orcs

imagine someone with chronic joint pain, whose dream their whole lives has been to go to space and meet the aliens and be a scientist and learn

so they look up the requirements as a kid and go "fuck."

they wouldn't make the cut.

their dreams are dashed. hopes ruined. lifelong dre destroyed.

except....

they've never really said a whole lot about their pain. they don't particularly like doctors, and they think that they've been managing just fine, so they never saw the point.

so maybe... maybe if they just don't say anything, they can make it to space.

they spend all of their time training. doing physical therapy exercises so that their joints aren't so loose, soaking up as much scientific and mathematical knowledge as they can, teaching themselves to push through the worst of it in pursuit of their dream.

and they make it.

they make it to space! it was gruelling, tortuous work, but they made it!

their first mission is an exploratory one, with a diverse crew which only has one other human.

they're thrilled.

they have dozens of alien friends and acquaintances. they spend hours learning and researching alien planets and cultures. it's everything they've ever wanted!

but

it's exhausting.

they're in more pain than they've ever been, more frequently than they ever have.

they keep up their exercises as best they can, but even those are often too much.

they smile when asked if they're alright, tell everyone that "i'm fine! just tired."

but they need a break. they can't imagine going or being sent back to earth, this is their home now, with these people, on this ship. but they don't know how much longer they can take this.

one day, on their day off, a fellow researcher comes and knocks on their door.

"are you here?"

"not today islith."

"but we've been called! there are some exciting new discoveries that need further cataloging and investigation, and carlmoth thought you would enjoy the task!"

"i can't today, islith."

"are you ill?"

"...kind of? but i'll be right as rain tomorrow. it's my day off anyhow."

"nonsense! you should go down to medbay!"

"i'm alright, i promise."

"you get out here right this minute or i'll report you to medbay myself!"

"no!" there's a series of crashes and thumps, and then they open the door.

"oh, you look awful. come on, you really must need medbay, what if you're contagious." islith tries to grab them but they shy away.

"i'm not contagious, i promise."

"how can you possibly know that? what if you picked it up from a sample, or, or, garfon has been sick recently! humans can't survive cerian sicknesses-"

"i didn't catch something from garfon, islith," they sigh and open the door wider. "come in and let me explain."

"alright, but if i think you should go to medbay afterwards then i'm taking you there."

"sure, islith."

islith enters, notices the piles of clothes, rumpled bedsheets, the lights are off and the port window shut.

"what's wrong?"

they sigh again, "my body doesn't work like it's meant to, islith."

islith is wildly alarmed, "and you said there was no need for medbay?!? come with me right now and-"

"no! i can't, islith, you don't understand."

"then explain it to me."

"i've... always been this way, although it's gotten worse as i've gotten older. my body, it just isn't built quite right, there's something wrong with it that makes it not work properly and hurt often."

"you're right, i don't understand. why can't you go to medbay?"

"i'd... be thrown off the ship."

"what?!?"

and so they tell islith a story about a young child whose dream was to touch the stars.

"and now, it's too late. i'd get in huge trouble for lying to the government, especially for so long."

"well- but- but humans are so resilient! you hear all the stories!"

"not every human is the same, islith. some of us are born disabled, and some of us get hurt in accidents, just like any other species."

"well, then, well there must be something we can do?"

they look up in shock, "we?"

"of course we, you ridiculous creature," islith said with a fond sigh. "you didn't think i'd leave you to suffer, would you?"

"but, you could get in so much trouble!"

"that's alright, i don't mind. what else are friends for? and, anyway, we don't have to tell your government, we can tell mine."

"but i'll-"

"we don't have any rules like that. any of us who are disabled can still manage in space just fine with the right support, and i bet you could too."

"i- islith- i don't-"

"don't worry, we'll all back you when it comes down to it. you're out teammate, our family. no one on this ship wants to watch you leave because of something you can't control. now come on, let's talk to glidlep in medical, she'll understand."

and for years, things continued on that way, until eventually it was an open secret that the human with the exosuit was disabled and not technically allowed onboard.

and down the line, when nasa found out and was furious, the entire ship and more stood by their side.

[yuukiiqwq]

An Eternity Without You: Gojo Satoru x Reader

What are the words you would use to describe a God? Beautiful, powerful, strong? The answer is lonely. To be burdened with everyone's dreams and wishes. To be the strongest without anyone to lean on.

Tags/Warnings: God!Gojo, Human!Reader, Angst, Hurt/little comfort, Death (non-detailed), Short One-Shot ˚✧˚. 1.2k words˚✧˚.

Author's note: This is my first time ever writing a fanfiction, so I hope you enjoy it! The idea was there, but my execution could have been so much better– I'll do my best to get better at writing! 🩵 (≧ヘ≦　)

Never make promises you can't keep. Especially with a God because if you break it....

"Aren't you lonely?" Was the first thing you ever said to him.

He remembers it like it was yesterday. You, a human, worried about a God? Who did you think you were to worried about a God? He should have cut you down where you stood but instead he decided to indulge you.

"Lonely?" He tilts his head slightly to the side. "What makes you think I'm lonely?"

You look him straight in the eye and answered, "Because you are a God."

He stares at you in silence, confused on what you meant.

"Because you are the strongest," you continued. "You are the strongest...so everyone burdens you with their hopes and dream. You have no one to turn to because you are the strongest. You're always alone with no one by your side, so aren't you lonely?"

He shut down your response by saying– "I am the strongest so it's my duty. I think this conversation is done. Now tell me your wish."

You replied with only a smile on your face.

He didn't deny what you said.

"You know, I've never seen you smile before Satoru. I want to see you smile."

You and him are sitting next to each other, laying against a tree in a flower field. He stares at you like you said something crazy.

"Is that your wish?"

"I told you I'm not going to wish for anything." You reach your hand up to his fluffy white hair and played with it. "I just want to spend time with you and see you happy. I did promise to make you happy didn't I?"

"Ridiculous," he scoffed but didn't stop you from playing with his hair. Instead, he leans into your touch. "You are the strangest human I've ever met."

You only laughed at his comment.

"I promise to stay with you and make you happy," was your promise to him. So why did you break it?

You in his arms, your life slowly fading away. Too soon. Way too soon. Why? Accused of a crime you've never committed. Cursed out by your own kind. Blinded by greed and envy.

"They're always with the God! They're trying to keep all the benefits!"

"They're hogging the God's favor all to themselves!"

"They're trying to seduce the God! They're the devil!"

"We need to get rid of them!"

"Kill them! The God will favor us if they're gone!"

"I will kill them all. Every last one of them."

"Satoru... please don't hurt them," you say as your bring your bloody hand to caress his cheek.

"Why?" He looks at you with a pained expression. "They've hurt you. You're dying. If that's your wish, I refuse. I refuse to grant it."

You tried to laugh but only ended up coughing out blood.

"I don't want you to be cursed out. I don't want you to spend eternity being cursed because of someone like me."

"I don't care. I don't care about them."

"Satoru," You smiled at him. "Do it for me? Promise you won't hurt them please?"

The last smile he will ever see from you. Something that will haunt him for all of eternity.

He stares at you because even at your dying breath, you were selfish. He could just ignore you. Pretend you didn't ask him to leave those humans alone. But he couldn’t because it was you. So he promised. He promised not to hurt them.

"It seems like I will be burdening you with a wish even after saying I won't make a wish. Grant me this wish Satoru. I wish for you to be happy. I wish for you to find happiness. Be happy."

You started to feel tired. Really tired. All you wanted to do was close your eyes and sleep.

"I'm sorry," you said before your eyes closed. Your hand falls down onto the floor and he is left there with you in his arms.

"Selfish until the very end," he brings your cold body into his embrace. "Didn't you promise me to stay by my side?"

Even a God like him, the strongest, was unable to bring you back to life.

"We wish for peace."

"Please bless us with a healthy child."

"I hope he can be cured."

"I hope to be loved."

"Bless my family with prosperity."

"I wish she becomes mine."

"I hope that place burns down in flames."

"I wish she dies."

"I hope they suffer in agony."

"I want him to need me."

"I wish to be rich."

"I want to be happy."

Eons have passed since then. All he does now is listen to the wishes made from humans. Hidden away from their view. He doesn't curse them, after all, he made a promise. However, he doesn't bless them either. After all, how can he grant their wishes when yours was still on the table unfulfilled?

"Grant me this wish Satoru. I wish for you to be happy. I wish for you to find happiness. Be happy."

What exactly is happiness? He's back to being alone. But why does it feel so different now? It's dark. It's cold. It's....lonely? Oh. Lonely. He finally acknowledged it. He's lonely.

So... lonely.

"What have you done to me?"

"Please God. Please give him back to me!! I can't continue life without him. Bring him back!"

Can't live without him? What does she mean? Humans can live on their own.

"I wished we could have been together. But we are too different. I don't want to give up on her.. but we are not in the same position."

Same position? Do humans have to be the same to be together?

"I wish someone could love me so I can be happy."

What is love? Why do you need love to be happy?

"I got great misfortune! I might die tomorrow or something!!"

"Don't say that love. Saying that is a bad omen. If anything happens, I will stay by your side. After all, I can't imagine my life without you anymore. I want you to be happy."

"I'm happy as long as you're here with me dummy!"

It's as he came to a sudden realization of what happiness meant. After eons, he finally came to understand what happiness meant for him.

"...oh. I get it now. Happiness..." A single tear dropped down his face. "Happiness...there is simply no such thing as happiness in a world without you."

"Please return to my side."

He waited more eons without you by his side. He waited for your soul. For the chance that you may get reincarnated and return to him once again. Was it a foolish thing to do? Yes. Because there was a chance you may never reincarnate but he held onto that hope. The hope that you'll return and keep your promise so he can fulfill your wish.

Despite being the strongest, neither God nor Humans could live by themselves.

"So hurry up and return to me."

And you did. Here you are, standing in front of him. The same as ever. As if eons have never passed. You remained the same.

"Why are you crying?"

"I finally found you."

Because if you break it, the God will be sad too.

[upsidedownmvnson]

reader is insecure about being chubby | eddie munson blurb

requested by anon <3

warnings: insecurities, fluff, really mean bullying names, may be a long blurb idk

AN: i was chubby so i felt this one, and nothing said here wasn't said abt me in real life, but i know eddie would love something soft to grab

Everytime you walked to hallways, you had Eddie Munson's undivided attention. He was totally enamored with you. Every inch of you was a treat. The wide hips, every curve, the huge boobies, an ass he wanted to grab a handful of... The boy was obsessed. He would make up any excuse to talk to you, and anytime he could make you smile, he would be on top of the world for the rest of the day.

All day everyday Eddie would be tripping over himself to get your attention, but you saw it as something friendly. You thought Eddie was trying to be your friend. You thought maybe he saw you as a potential for Hellfire.

You were so wrong.

You, of course, were also smitten for Eddie. You would curl into yourself whenever he was around, he just made you feel so shy. He was so bold, so confident. It was something you admired about him. He was so rough, all leather, denim and calloused guitar fingers. You wanted to feel those fingers.

Today, you were wearing a skirt, against your typical covering wardrobe. You were excited when you left the house, but now you were just nervous. People looking at your legs, judging them. It made a shiver shoot down your spine. You were at your locker, trying to make yourself disappear into the metal.

"Damn, babe," Eddie said, leaning on the locker next to yours. He chuckled when his words startled you but talking, "you look good today."

"Stop," you said, heat rising in your cheeks and neck. You probably looked ridiculous, but Eddie's smile was as kind as always.

He brought his hand up to run one of those beautifully rough fingers across your cheek, tucking hair behind your ear to keep it out of your face.

"Pretty," he said quietly, trailing that finger down the side of your neck before dropping it back to his side. His eyes were a little wide like he hadn't meant to actually say that out loud.

"Eddie?" you kept your voice low, questioning his sudden desire to have his hands on you. It wasn't actually sudden, it's just the first time you perceived it as anything other than friendly.

"It's time for you to put me out of my misery," Eddie said, hand over his heart feigned agony. "Would you please do me the honour of going out with me this friday night?"

"You want to go out with me?" you asked, cheeks burning under the skin.

Eddie chuckled a little, but his eyes held a hint of confusion. His voice was soft, but questioning. "You can't really be that shocked, I mean... I've been coming on pretty strong."

Now you were embarrassed, your insecurities preventing yourself from enjoying the compliment. You were too stunned to say anything, but Eddie's eyes were kind, they encouraged you not to retreat into your shell. He was too sweet, touching your shoulder to keep you grounded. You felt his warmth threw the shirt you were wearing.

"Hey," he said softly. "Where'd ya go?" When you just blushed further, he said, "it's okay to talk to me, I've got your back sweetheart."

"Eddie we can't go out," you said finally, the disappointment clear on his face. He didn't try to hide the sadness clouding his eyes.

"Why not?" he asked, "it's okay you don't have to explain. Somebody else already, huh?" His defensive babbling continued, as he tried to mask his hurt feelings at the thought of your rejection. "I shoulda known a catch like you already had somebody sweet on her, I mean... damn, you're beautiful."

"Eddie, stop." You refused to tear up in the hallway, that would only attract the sharks. "It would be ridiculous. People would make fun of us."

It hurt Eddie's feelings at first, thinking you were talking about him, and his reputation. But after examining the look on your face, he realized you were talking about yourself, as if you would somehow be dragging him down. And that didn't make sense to him at all, you were so fucking cute.

"What do you mean?" he asked, try to keep your attention up at him. An intimate moment lost in the crowd of the students in the school. You and Eddie just seemed kind of, lost in your own little world. "Who would laugh at you?"

"I don't know? The basketball players? What if they ask you what it's like to ride the piggy?" You sounded small. Like your own words were taking up too much space, so you made them smaller.

"Do... do people call you uh... stuff like that?" he asked, unable to make himself say the actual words. Afraid to ever let you hear a words like that come out of his mouth. "That's- that's fucking horrifying, I'm so sorry. You don't deserve that."

The softness of his voice was a pleasant surprise. Like he knocked off the theatrics and let you see what he was really thinking, feeling.

"I don't want to overstep anything," he said, voice dipping low so no one else heard him say, "but you have no idea how sexy I think you are. If you'd let me..." his voice dropped even lower, sensual and seductive, close to your ear, whispering, "...I'll show you."

"Eddie," you whispered, cheeks hotter than you'd ever felt. The blush looked more maroon than pink. "There are people everywhere."

"And they'd be jealous," he said, backing off and raising his voice back to normal, "because you are the hottest girl in school, and you're all for me... but we can make that official when I take you out on Friday."

[meaningofaeons]

Hi! Congratulations on 500 followers!!!

I'd love to visit the cafe with Geppie and play with a white himalayan kitty. We would also like to order a glass of cider~

Thank you 💛

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈ could you be any more dense?!

⊹ character(s) - gepard landau ⊹ word count - 1.1k ⊹ notes - gn!reader, hurt/comfort

⊹ katze's 500 follower writing cat-baret

THANK YOU!! AND ALSO TY FOR BEING THE VERY FIRST CAT CAFE REQUESTER ANON!!! <3 I hope you enjoy your "cat cafe date" with geppie!!!! (=^･ω･^=) also sorry this got a LOT longer than I was expecting these are meant to be short but I doubt I'm gonna manage to keep them short LMAO

Gepard is a very courteous man.

Sweet, patient, and above all, cordial. Gentlemanly, if you will.

However, that can definitely get to be... too much.

Especially when you feel like you've been just about as upfront as you can...

Or perhaps not—but at the very least, you're obvious enough, even if unintentionally, but...

It starts to get ridiculous.

Gepard is close to you, but painfully dense.

He's started keeping you at arm's length, a polite distance to maintain between two friends.

Friends, and nothing more.

You can try all you want, but in the end, he continues to put up that front around you.

It starts to even get... uncomfortable.

Like he's intentionally beginning to step back from involving himself with you.

It wasn't always like this—before, he was as open and close with you as he could be.

Even his sisters didn't know some of the things he'd share with you.

However, now...

You went to see him after his shift?

Sorry, he was invited to a function with some other nobles. Can't disappoint his family, now, can he?

You were at his greenhouse helping take care of his flowers (and waiting for him in the process)?

He would try to tactfully avoid the space until he was sure you were gone.

And really?

It started to hurt.

"Gepard, you're being ridiculous."

"Hardly, Serval. If you thought about it from my perspective—"

"Geppie! Hey, Gepard!"

Your familiar voice rang in the Landau siblings' ears.

As much as Gepard wanted to whip his head around and rush over to you, ask about your day and see what you've been up to, he instead turned away.

He began to speed walk in the opposite direction, making a beeline for Serval's workshop.

And only his elder sister bore witness to the way your facial expression crumpled.

Serval tried her best to give you an apologetic glance, clasping her hands together as if to say, 'I'm going to figure this out for you!' before chasing after her brother.

"What was that?!"

"I already told you—"

"Gepard Landau."

The blonde stopped in his tracks, wincing at the use of his full name.

He turned to his sister's fiery expression, trying his best not to back down, but it was frightening—Serval could be scary when mad, and she was your friend, after all. There's no way she wouldn't be up in arms.

"I don't care about your crap excuses anymore! Y/N is clearly hurt by what you're doing, ditching them everywhere, avoiding them... They're going to be more hurt by this than any danger you could put them in! For Aeon's sake, it's not like they've ever followed you to the front lines!"

Gepard knew Serval was right. She usually was.

But if the Supreme Guardian could be lost to the Fragmentum... even if it was contained...

Gepard also knew his worries were groundless.

However, what he was most scared of was caring for you too much, only to have you taken away by an accident.

Or coming to find out that you felt the same way (truly, deep down, he already knew you did) only for something to make you dislike him.

Ironically, the thing he feared most was more likely to come to pass by his current actions.

Serval only sighed at her brother's conflicted face, rubbing her temple.

"Oh, my aching head... Just go to them, would you? Talk it out! I'm tired of seeing Y/N sad, and I'm tired of seeing you being a mope!"

"But I—"

"No buts!"

Before he could protest further, his sister had promptly shoved him right out of the front door of the workshop... directly in front of your waiting figure.

"A-Ah, Gepp- I mean, Gepard—" you stumbled over your words a bit, having expected the man before you to have hidden out in the workshop and for Serval to have greeted you instead. "Sorry, sorry, um, I'll get out of your way—"

"No, n-no, wait—" Gepard stammered himself, both of your cheeks slowly turning pink at the awkward contact. You glanced up at him at that, acknowledging the first words he'd really spoken to you in quite some time.

"Um..."

You both spoke at the same time, which only worsened your collective anxiety.

"Oh, you go first—"

"Ah, sorry, go ahead—"

You stopped at that, as did Gepard, and then, you slowly began to giggle. The blonde smiled fondly at that, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment.

"Really, I insist you go first."

"Okay..." You took a deep breath, fiddling your fingers as the mood soured somewhat again. "I was just... wondering if I did anything to upset you, or..."

"Never!" You jumped at the loud response, staring at the man as he cleared his throat, looking about ready to run for his life (and dignity). "You haven't, um, done anything of the sort."

"Right..." You stared a bit longer. "Then, why do you keep avoiding me? Do you just not want to be around me any more?"

"That's not it either! I just... um, listen, Y/N... to tell you the truth—"

"Good lord!"

Serval slammed the workshop door open, glaring at your duo with ferocity. It sent Gepard barreling into you, the blonde man catching you in his arms just in time to prevent your fall. You both stared up at the eldest Landau with wide eyes.

"He likes you, and you like him, so quit umming and ahhing outside of my workshop! Go on a date! I have a show tonight, so go!" The woman wasn't truly angry, but... she was definitely exasperated.

As she shut the door and stomped back inside, you could hear her muffled voice.

"So obvious! It's so embarrassing!"

Silence settled over the space, and then, you broke out into a slight giggle.

Gepard smiled soon after, chuckling a bit as the two of you began laughing more and more at his sister's loss of patience.

"S-She meant it?" you asked through tearful laughter, "Y-You actually..."

"Yeah," the man stammered a bit, his own chuckles subsiding as he tried to contain his embarrassment. "I-I'm sorry, Y/N. I just didn't know... if you felt the same, or if... I don't know, I was being stupid—"

You gave him a small smile, reaching down to clutch his hand tightly in your own.

"Yeah, you were. Next time, just talk to me."

"...Gladly."

"Now, about that date... Your treat?"

"I suppose that's only fair, considering how rude I was to you..."

"That's right! And I'll never let you live it down!"

[sivyera]

game 00.1

felix catton x reader (in part 2 oliver quick x reader?? maybe, maybe not??)

warnings: toxic relationship, break up BUT it's not going to be angsty!

a/n: i apologize to all Felix fans so pls don't kill me, haha! i will probably write some fluff with him later, please just enjoy being a bad bitch! :)

༺☆༻

It was like every other party at the school. Nothing new nor unexpected... well that's what you thought.

You were sitting at the table, next to your boyfriend Felix and his friends. Also with his newest friend named Oliver.

Oliver was new around so he was mostly just watching... watching you to be more precise, but you never paid extra attention to it, I mean many people started at you so he was no difference...

Everything was like usual, until Felix decided to speak.

"hey y/n.. i need to tell you something" Felix said as he turned a bit on his chair to look you directly in the eyes. You noticed that he called you by your first name, he usualy calls you baby or beautiful, that was when you realized that your thoughts has come true.

When he noticed that you're quiet he spoke again. "We have to break up... this isn't going to work and it's not you, it's me but I have to think about my future."

He finished his sentence and turn to quickly look at Farleigh with a small, almost unnoticeable... but you noticed.

You raised an eyebrow and then smirked. "Oh thank god you said it, you know I have to think about my future as well and with you; I have no bright future, you're holding me back so you did me a favour." You said calmly without any fast movements while looking directly into his eyes then you turned your head at his friends who were sitting around the table with shock faces, smiled, then stood up and left the table.

Felix just sat there, freezed at his seat with shock in his eyes. Did he heard you right? Was he hallucinating? He looked at Farleigh, who was laughing at his seat. Even tho Farleigh is Felix's cousin, he couldn't help but laugh.

''She's got balls, mate.'' Farleigh laughed. Felix blinked few more times, then he stood up and went after you to the yard. "Wait!" He yelled as he grabbed your wrist and stopped you in your tracks.

Felix's mind was full with thoughts like why did this woman; who was supposed to break down in tears and beg him to stay with her, just walked away like nothing happened? Did you not care at all?

"Wait, why?" You asked him as you turned to look at him. You still had the "bored" look on your face which made Felix frustrated even more. You embarrassed him a lot, it wasn't just something he could throw away like nothing had happened, this was important, his reputation was at stake.

"Because- w-why are you acting like you don't care?" He asked while standing in front of you in disbelief. He couldn't believe that you are not going to fight back, to get him back.

"It's because I don't care?" You said with a slight confusion in your tone like it wasn't obvious to him. You meant what you said, you noticed how Felix changed a bit, you were actually thinking about breaking up with him but he was faster, well faster...

He stood there as if it was all a really bad dream. He was confused, why didn't you beg him or cry or made a scene in front of everybody like he was used to from other girls? He didn't even knew what he wanted; he broke up with you, he wanted it right, so why is he standing here in front of you "begging" for explanation.

His jaw clenches, he wanted to make you cry and yet here you are, stone-faced. "You're being ridiculous." He hisses as he slightly shook his head form side to side, still in disbelief that this is really happening.

"Oh really? What should I do then, cry or beg you for another chance? Telling you how much I love you, how much I need you, how I can't live without you? Nah, no never, I have something that is called self-respect, you moron." You said coldly and bit louder so he can hear you properly and really fall into the reality that you really didn't care at all.

His face twists into a scowl, he has lost control, the anger was rising up inside him, his heart felt like it's going to explode just like his head.

"Tsk, you're just a stupid girl." He retorted at you, but you didn't move a muscle, you were like a stone. You stood in front of him with face that looked like it was made of stone. Beautiful features, you were one of the most beautiful girls this school ever had, but you were also pretty unreachable.

Felix had work so hard to actually get into your life, the "dating" part was the hardest, because you wasn't stupid nor naive like other girls. It was very attractive but in this situation Felix found it frustrating.

"I damaged your male ego, didn't I? Yeah, go cry about it, that's what babies like you do, when they lose control; they throw a tantrum, like you just did." You said while you rolled your eyes.

He blinked few times and froze once again. No one ever said this to him, he wasn't prepared for this! In his head this wasn't a fair game but before he could answer, you were gone.

After few extra seconds he just stood there like a child who's mother just didn't buy him any of his favourite snacks. He cursed under his breath and went back inside to his friends.

He knew this wasn't done, he needed answers and a lot of talking, but for now he decided to went back.

Little did both of you knew that Oliver heard and saw this whole conversation. He was hidden behind one of those tall bushes, watching you two the whole time.

He knew everything. He watched you 24/7, he had your daily routine memorized and the things you love was written in his secret notebook that he had made just for you.

From the start this was Oliver's plan, to get to you. But you were a very closed and private person, he even had problems with stalking you like looking at you from the tree that was near your window and stuff, which made him obsessed even more.

And that's why he started talking to Felix, because he knew that you two were dating... and his plan worked, like always. He now was your friend who was on his way to your room to comfort you after a "hard" breakup with your now ex-boyfriend.

His plan worked perfectly.

[sapphire-weapon]

Alright. It's time. It's time we talk about the dining hall dialogue.

But before we do that, we first need to talk about the "running from creeps" dialogue, because they're connected.

Leon: You did well back there. (coyly) Seems this isn't your first time running from creeps. Ashley: (genuinely confused and hesitant) ... I can't tell if that's meant to be a compliment. Leon: ...

I've seen a lot of people utterly baffled by Leon's line of dialogue here -- even moreso than Ashley herself is. If you're one of those people who was stumped by this and you don't know what it was supposed to mean, let me explain:

Leon's line of dialogue here is a joke told by the developers/writers to the audience. The punchline is: "Leon is really bad at talking to women."

It was meant to be a compliment, but it didn't come out that way. He was trying to hit on her; you can tell from the deep-voiced, coy tone that Nick used to deliver the line. But it failed spectacularly -- so much so that, when Ashley tells him that she has no idea what he's trying to say, he just shuts up and doesn't bother to explain himself.

But if you tease it out a little bit more, you'll be able to see it more clearly.

"Seems this isn't your first time running from creeps" -- the implication there is that Ashley has caught the eye of creeps before -- particularly creepy men. The implication from that is that she's had a lot of creepy men hitting on her. The implication from that is that there's something about her that would attract that kind of attention in the first place.

What Leon was going for was: "I was impressed by how well you were able to avoid being seen by the enemy. But I guess it makes sense, since you've probably had to sneak away from creeps hitting on you a lot, considering how fucking hot you are."

But that's not what came out of his mouth. He tried to go for a more subtle approach, and he botched it completely -- and there was no way for him to explain himself when Ashley failed to catch his meaning, because any explanation he could possibly give would come off as vulgar and... well. Creepy. So he just shut his mouth and said nothing more.

The intention from the writers was for us to feel either a sense of second-hand embarrassment or of schadenfreude towards Leon in this moment, depending on what kind of personality you are, because wow. Wow. That was a terrible attempt at being charming, and now he looks like a total chud.

So now, let's come back to the dining hall dialogue.

Ashley: So, uh, you do a lot of missions like this? Leon: Well, yeah. But I'm not used to having such good company. Ashley: (breathless with excitement) ... Is that a... compliment? Leon: (lets out a self-satisfied "heh") Take it however you want.

Taken on its own and in a vacuum, you might be able to make the argument that he's just being nice -- that he enjoys her company because she's pleasant to be around, and it goes no further.

Even then, I'd probably say that that's ridiculous, because for him to just come out of nowhere with a line like that is not consistent with any version of Leon to have ever existed in any title -- excepting, of course, in instances where he's trying to get laid. (Chris is the only blockhead in the RE universe to hand out compliments like this and genuinely mean nothing by it and then not get it when people think he's hitting on them, but that's an entirely different point to be made.)

But for the sake of argument, let's just say that this is a normal thing for him to have said.

The thing is, this dialogue does not exist in a vacuum. It is a direct callback to the "running from creeps" exchange -- and we know that it's an intentional and direct callback due to Ashley's reaction and the re-use of the word "compliment" asked as a question.

This is Leon's moment of redemption.

This time, it's not that Ashley genuinely can't tell whether it's a compliment or not. Of course she can tell it's a compliment. Leon just told her explicitly that he enjoys having her around more than he enjoys most other people. She's not stupid.

What she's questioning this time is whether it's a compliment or if it's a... compliment.

She's asking the same question in her head that's being debated in fandom: Is he hitting on her, or is he just being nice? And the very thought that he could be hitting on her makes her breathless with excitement.

And Leon is also not stupid. (OG RE4 Leon's dialogue aside, I mean. THIS IS NO RITUAL IT'S TERRORISM) And he also knows that Ashley's not stupid. He knows exactly what she's asking him.

And instead of shutting it down or making sure she doesn't get the "wrong idea," he lets out a self-satisfied little "heh" (just so that the writers can convey to the audience that he's feeling smug, because it's in-game dialogue and they can't show Leon smirking outwardly) and responds with the sexually-charged tease of "Take it however you want." (Ashley should've responded back to him with "Give it to me, then." That's how pornos start.)

Because she doesn't have the wrong idea. She's not jumping to conclusions. She took it exactly how he meant it -- but he can't say that openly due to their current circumstances. So he leaves it as more of a "Well, I'm not not saying that."

And in order to reinforce the romantic/sexual nature of this exchange, the writers put in a lot of meta symbolism and imagery surrounding it, as well.

This happens specifically and only in the dining hall. Well, what's special about the dining hall?

I mean, I shouldn't have to explain that the scenery of a candlelit dinner is romantic -- but that's not all there is.

It's a completely red room, with red walls and red rugs over red carpeting. It is the only room not just in the castle -- but the entire game -- that looks like that. Red, of course, is the color of romance and passion. In some cases, psychologists have actually found it to cause people's heart rates to rise as an unconscious response.

It's also the room where you get the snake part of the chimera.

Going all the way back to biblical times, snakes have been a symbol of temptation and lust. In some cultures, they were even associated with fertility.

But wait -- there's more.

The puzzle that leads you to getting the snake involves literally filling the seats of and taking the roles of a king and queen.

Ashley has already been referred to as a "princess" and Leon as her "gallant knight" -- and yet, in the armor room (where you get the lion), Leon rejects the offer of filling the role of the knight when Ashley suggests he puts the armor on. But here? In the dining hall? He is the king to her queen. They're bonded together as equally important parts of the same puzzle via a fantasy marriage.

But we're not done yet.

What should I find waiting in this room just beside the entrance? Why, it's our old friend the bridal bouquet.

We've seen this before, haven't we? It was prominently featured in another scene that was very heavily romance-coded with its lighting, cinematography, imagery, and symbolism.

And one more thing. This one I found really interesting.

When Leon is on his "throne" what's sitting in his direct line of sight is a taxidermy eagle (and, of course, Ashley is "baby eagle"). And not only that, but there's also a bust of what appears to be William Shakespeare on display.

When Ashley is seated on her "throne" she also has a bust of Shakespeare across from her.

And what's significant about Shakespeare isn't just that, well. He's Shakespeare.

It's the fact that this puzzle leads directly into a scene that was shot deliberately to mimic/mirror the balcony scene in Romeo & Juliet. (standard, Romantic, fairy tale)

This exchange isn't the only time Leon hits on/flirts with Ashley in RE4make -- but it is the boldest he ever gets about it, and the developers seemed to really, really want to make it as crystal clear as possible that that's what he's doing.

Consider this: This entire sequence was completely different in OG. The puzzle was different. The context of the puzzle was about the journey through life and the inevitability of our own mortality. Ashley wasn't even present for it. The cage that Leon gets caught in has absolutely no deeper symbolic meaning... and then a garrador pops out.

This was completely restructured from the ground up, for a very deliberate purpose.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: If Ashley had handed Leon a condom and given him the green light to use it, he would've fucked her right there on the dining room table.

Because, in the context of RE4make, eagleone is canon.

[tanya56]

RELIGIOUS ASPECT IN BILLFORD

Since the book of bill came out, I've been once again dragged into a rabbit hole that is billford and it made me recontextualize a lot how I viewed this ship. Back in the day I was way too young to ship this pairing, so obviously half of the fanfiction on Ao3 (especially non-con ones) left a scar on my tender soul, not able to deal with "mature themes", so I ended up shaming myself for "gloryfying abuse and stuff".

Now when billford shippers are no longer hated for "proshipping", I decided to give myself a chance to simply enjoy all the content we have. Unfortunately now I created a new reason why I can't enjoy billford which is a religious aspect in this relationship.

The thing is that a lot of fanfics I've read lean into god × follower dynamic, in which ford is on his hands and knees for bill, doing his bidding. Although I find the whole "he was a god and he was a one-man church" thing interesting, I feel like this trope does ford a disservice as a character.

Having said that, it's stupid to deny all the evidence like tapestries and statues, but please bear with me, I'm having a hard time rationalising all of this.

The thing is that god × follower dynamic has a very telling power imbalance, stripping "follower" of basically any agency. Can you say Ford has no agency to himself? Yes, Ford eventually built the portal for Bill to use, but it wasn't MEANT for Bill. The portal was a way for Ford to achieve HIS goals like success in his theory and fame. Followers do everything for their god, without any ulterior motives to get something in return, but this isn't the kind of relationship Ford and Bill had.

Bill presented himself to Ford not as a god, but a "muse", someone who is there to inspire and help him in time of need to achieve success. In this whole portal ordeal they were partners, not an employee and his boss. Gods are supposed to be aloof and above everything, their only interaction with those below them is through worship. Furthermore, nobody would name his God a partner. Why would a god play chess, have a chat, act friendly, help with research, do other million things I'm too lazy to write about, with his worshipper? Pre-betrayal description of Bill is that of a friend, someone of higher plane but in some ways equal to Ford. God could never be an equal, but a Muse, someone with whom an artist works, can be.

The way I see it all this business with tapestries and statues weren't 100% about worshipping.

First of all, Ford mentioned them as artifacts, not a shrine. This makes sense since while Ford was definitely fascinated by Bill, he is still a scientist, he studies obsessively anything interesting to him, and boy, was Bill interesting.

Secondly, the "shrine" in question could have been a way to show reverence to his Muse, but I really doubt that there was a full on worshipping actually going on at the moment. I don't know why I think so, it's just I can't see Ford being so religious, being a man of science and all. Or maybe I'm having problem with mixing both romantic and religious aspects.

This whole rant is basically me deluding myself into writing out religious aspect of billford in my head because for some reason I'm just uncomfortable with that, so points I've made here are as stable as a house of cards. Maybe it's because Ford really resonates with me as a character and I don't want to imagine him being more of a puppet to Bill than he already was, but that's my problem, maybe I just refuse to appreciate the ship as a whole because of some uncomfortable themes.

If someone has a different opinion about this, please feel free to bash me, because I'm too stuck in my head to enjoy shipping fictional characters without shaming myself for ridiculous things, that's exactly what I need right now

[conniesministallion]

☆☆𝓘𝓻𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓫𝓵𝓮 𝓟𝓸𝓲𝓼𝓸𝓷 𝒫𝒶𝓇𝓉𝟣☆☆

Warnings: Violence! (Rafe/Ward)(Rafe/JJ) Angst!

Pairing: Rafe x Black reader

This is y/n's POV for now

Summary: Waking up in the hot tropical sun, y/n makes her way to enjoy the rest of her summer. Rafe is keeping it together but struggles on his own. This is just the beginning and I like detail so bare with me lol.

A/N: So sorry it's late I scheduled the post and somehow someway it didn't save :((

*+:｡.｡　　｡.｡:+*

" I really could get used to staying here." I manage to croak out of my wine dried mouth. These past few months have been absolute paradise. Trying to convince myself that this isn't better than Kildare is ridiculous. I wish I could stay here for a bit longer but school was starting and I knew I would have to get back to the hot Carolina heat.

Slowly turning on to my side to the ivory colored night stand and grabbing my phone. Finally deciding to check snapchat, the first one is JJ's. I'm not surprised to see his bloody nose but hold on, why the fuck am I tagged.

" Your bestie is a psycho but I'll get my lick back @y/nkitty"

What the fuck? So, your bold enough to tag me but not the one that clearly beat your ass?

First of all, I'm not even there. Second I am not that mans owner, the fuck is he tagging me for! Wait, mkay so back to the fighting shit again? Rafe really ugh.

MayJ: Tag the one you beefing with if you bold mf not his bsf.

I quickly switched to messages and tried to hold myself back from raging on Rafe. He knows damn well I don't do fighting unless it's necessary and knowing him. The fight was obviously over something small.

Rafeybby: Dude are you serious? Got mfs tagging me cuz you don't know how to keep your damn anger in check? 7:42 a.m. Rafeybby: Seriously what was it over? Are you okay? I can't patch you up this time but we can call if you're free. 7:43 a.m.

Being so fed up with his antics combined with him not responding, I swing my feet over the plush mattress making my way towards the white bathroom doors. Washing my face with some coconut facial scrub, brushing my teeth and taking a quick shower. I make out of the restroom when I hear my cousin's high pitch scream from downstairs.

" Y/n your mom made breakfast and we're heading out towards the island to shop in the village hurry!"

"I'm getting dressed be down soon!" I yelled back.

I hurry and get dressed as I grab my phone of the dresser. Realizing that Rafe has yet to respond to me.

Grabbing my purse and making my way downstairs I briefly glance at the polaroid of Rafe and myself sitting on the beach.

*+:｡.｡　　｡.｡:+*

" Is it possible that you have this in gold and silver as a pair?"

Already into the village, I decided to get a piece of the island for me and Rafe to share. Not knowing when either of us would be able to come back together. Summer in Kildare meant more parties, more clients for rafe to sell, and more drama around my friend group. Speaking of, I need to call Ki and Jade to catch them up with my summer. Plus....I wanna know the messy tea that been popping off while I was gone. I turned my attention back to the lady realizing that I spaced out.

" Of course love, give me one second to wrap them for you."

I haven't been to the village since I was a child and standing here at the booth makes me a lil anxious. Much more people here than back a figure 8.

The sun is illuminating over the sand filled roads with taverns covering the coast. Merchants on every end of this small corner of the village. People of all ages gathering and talking amongst one another and even though the heat is suffocating everyone seems pleased.

The scarf around my locs is loose on my head, the thin fabric of my skirt makes the heat feel cooler as the breeze hits my skin. I settled for a tube top my granny made me as a plus. It reminds me of the summers we spend together while fishing for dinner.

" You're all good to go dear! These are the perfect gift for a lover if you have one in mind." She expressed to me. Reaching out her small hand and placing the glitter wrapped bracelets on the counter.

I smile at the old lady who looks at me with beaming eyes.

" I have no lover but I do have a best friend. I'm sure they'll be happy to have a thoughtful gift." I softly spoke. As I grab the bag off of the wooden counter. I thank her as I make my way to find the rest of my family.

" We're heading to Seaside Oasis. Did you get everything you needed?" My mom says as she checks her phone for the reservations.

"I got some gifts and tons of clothes hopefully they'll fit in my suitcase." I giggled back.

Heading to lunch while my dad constantly talks his head off does not sound so pleasant but drinking does.

As we made out way towards the seating area and settle down. I ordered first while my family followed. Of course as soon as the food comes my father starts to talk about his collogues. Choosing to ignore him while sipping on a margarita. I start to think about Rafe, which is what I've been doing constantly while away. I miss him of course but, the constant fights and selling is what makes me worry.

On top of his reputation of sleeping with anything that walks, unless it's a pogue doesn't make it any better. This man spoils me constantly, he doesn't need to but he does. Not with just money either but affection....which I wouldn't be surprised he does with the rest of the girls he whatever I'm getting pissed just thinking about it.

.｡ping ping.｡ Rafeybby: Nice to hear from you too mama. I'm all good how's your trip? Rafeybby: That mf tagged you but has be blocked is crazy. Why do you have him on snap anyway. Thought I told you to block him before you left. 10:30 a.m.

Me: Just call me when you can and don't worry I'm having fun. Just wanted to make sure you were good. Rafeybby: You just gonna skip over what I said? Rafeybby: Don't worry mama we'll talk about it later. Going to Barry's, call when I can.

Umm.....who the hell, does this mf thinks he is? My Daddy???

I stared at the phone with my head tilted sideways. I'm not even gonna respond to his ass. Constantly thinking that I'm going to listen to him is gonna get his ass cursed out. Especially since he knows that it won't work. But for now instead of thinking of what kind of timing Rafe is on, im gonna sit back, sip my drink, and

*+:｡.｡　　｡.｡:+*

Enjoy my summer <3

[toon-tales]

My first Trolls fanfiction...?

Ok, so, the thing is, that movie seems amazing, alright?! (I haven't seen it yet, so this can be a bit ooc)

It's just fluff, because I like fluff, between the older brothers and sister, because we didn't see them actually acting like siblings

Sooooo...enjoy?

Undercover siblings

"Kiss her already, man," Bruce whispered from behind the bushes. "She's your girlfriend!"

"Go easy on him," Floyd whispered. "He's shy"

"Not an excuse," Clay muttered.

"Guys, guys, shut it, he just smirked at her," John Dory interrupted.

The brothers' gazes shifted to their baby brother, careful not to be seen.

"Ohhh, what do you think he said?"

"I bet he's telling her one of his sarcastic remarks," Bruce whispered excitedly.

"Or maybe he's teasing her about something," Floyd chimed in.

"Guys, can we just focus on watching? Quit speculating," Clay interjected.

"I agree. Let's not jump to conclusions," John Dory added, his eyes fixed on the couple.

As Branch and Poppy continued to stroll along the colorful meadow, the brothers strained to hear any snippets of their conversation. They were determined to catch a rare glimpse into their usually reserved little brother's romantic life, even if it meant sneaking up on his date.

"He just said something funny!" Bruce whispered, excitement lacing his voice.

"What do you think he said?" Floyd asked, trying to peek around the bushes for a better view.

"Keep it down, guys. We don't want them to notice us," Clay cautioned them.

The brothers watched intently as Branch leaned in closer to Poppy, his voice barely audible. The occasional smile tugged at his lips, enchanting his siblings even further.

"Look at how comfortable he appears around her," John Dory remarked, impressed by the change in Branch's demeanor.

Suddenly, Branch reached out and gently brushed a strand of hair away from Poppy's face. The brothers collectively held their breath, captivated by the small gesture.

"Smooth move, little bro," Bruce whispered, a proud grin spreading across his face.

"He's really coming out of his shell, isn't he?" John Dory said, smiling.

Bruce chuckled softly, his eyes never leaving the couple's interaction. "Who would have thought that our grumpy, survivalist brother would fall head over heels for the Queen of happiness herself?"

Clay smirked, crossing his arms over his chest. "What can I say? Love can smooth even the sharpest edges."

Floyd stared blankly ahead, setting his binoculars down, then asked, "Hey, guys, do you think we should give them some privacy?"

The brothers stayed silent for a minute, staring into the distance, deep thought. Then, they shrugged.

"Nah, I say we keep watching," John Dory replied with a mischievous grin. "Just to make sure our bitty b doesn't mess this up."

Bruce nodded in agreement. "Yeah, we can't trust Branch to handle his emotions properly. It's our duty as his older brothers to ensure he doesn't sabotage his own happiness."

Floyd rolled his eyes. "You guys are ridiculous-"

Suddenly, a loud, sweet, cheerful voice interrupted their talk, saying excitedly, "Hi, guys!"

"Viva?" Clay looked up, giving a little wave, then his eyes widened when he saw Branch's head turn towards them. He grabbed Viva's hand, pulling her down next to them and making sure she wasn't visible to the couple.

Meanwhile, Branch's gaze shifted to the bushes. He rolled his eyes, shook his head, then turned his attention back to his girlfriend.

–

"Just do something!" Viva exclaimed, whispering. "Stop talking and kiss him, little sis,"

Floyd set his binoculars down and shrugged. "Trust me, we've been like this for, like, a whole hour!"

"And still…nothing" John Dory muttered, his voice tinged with disappointment.

"Poppy started it last time, so it's Branch's turn" Viva pointed out.

Bruce nodded. "Totally agree"

"Guys, guys, guys!" Clay whispered excitedly, pointing towards the couple. "Branch is whispering in Poppy's ears…and she's…blushing?"

"What do you think he's saying?" Floyd asked eagerly.

Bruce smirked. "Probably something like 'You're so beautiful, Poppy', or 'I'm lucky to have you',"

"Is that a flower crown he's making?" Clay questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"You betcha," Viva said, beaming.

John Dory pouted. "He didn't want to make breakfast with me this morning! And now he's gladly making a flower crown!" he said, annoyed. "This traitor…"

"You're his brother," Clay pointed out. "He has four of those, but there's only one Poppy"

The rest of the crew shrugged, nodding in agreement.

"I bet Poppy will start the kiss again this time" Floyd suddenly said.

Bruce looked at him. "Dude, not twice in a row"

"Well, from the looks of it, your brother is too shy to start it," Viva shot playfully.

The four brothers gasped dramatically. "You take that back," Clay whispered.

But before Viva could respond, they felt someone's eyes, and they turned around to see the couple standing behind them, Branch giving them the 'Seriously?' face, while Poppy waved at them enthusiastically with a wide smile.

"Wow…" Branch said, raising an eyebrow. "Are you done?"

"Alright, what gave us away?" Clay surrendered, rising to his feet.

The younger troll smirked and replied, "Well, let's just say I have some hidden talents that come in handy when it comes to detecting unwanted guests."

"Har, har, so funny, bitty b," Bruce teased. "We were just making sure you didn't ruin your date-"

"Branch never ruins our dates!" Poppy interrupted cheerfully. "You guys don't have to worry about it."

"And see you two kiss," Floyd continued, blushing slightly

"Not you, Floyd," Branch muttered under his breath

"Now that we're here…" Poppy began slowly, then, as usual, her words came out in a rush. "I was planning to throw a party tonight to celebrate the twins' birthday, you know, Cooper and Prince D, will you guys sing? DJ Suki will prepare the music you want, but we'd like something funk, what do you say? Can you do it?"

"What did she just say?" Bruce whispered to Branch, who shot his brother a warning glare, then smiled softly at his girlfriend.

"Of course we can, just prepare good music."

Poppy beamed, grabbing her sister's hand and rushing to Troll village to spread the news, shouting a loud, "Thanks, guys" before leaving.

"Seriously, what did she say?" Clay said.

[missfreija]

You have to love the hypocrisy of the show acting as though being a pimp is so much better than being a slave owner; like it isn't still human trafficking, and as though in that time and place, black women wouldn't have suffered the most from it. It's a seriously disgusting thing to pretend that it's this cutesy, morally fine thing to do: if they're fine with Louis being a sex trader, than they should have been fine with portraying the actual story of the books - he's meant to be a passively bad person. The story is about evil deserving empathy. It would be different if they used the fact that he's a pimp to explore the fact that he's always profited off of human lives and was passively evil in life, that would have been different (though that's exactly what the books do, so it still would have worked with the original story and then the show might have been good), but it was used as a way to make Louis a morally fine uwu baby. I fucking hate it. It's disgusting for the show runners to pretend sex trading is okay and doesn't harm people, it's dishonest to pretend the show is a discussion about the legacy of race in America without actually discussing the way in which black women suffered as a result of misogynoir and how they were sexualised and their sexual exploitation was ignored (but we all know how the show feels about black women given what they did to Claudia), and it's ridiculous to pretend that it's a gothic story when it veers away from the moral complexities inherent to the gothic genre. It's a poorly written, malicious, badly developed show with subpar actors, and I hate how popular it's become. It feel as though it's defiling the legacy of the books. And apparently Marius is a pimp now too. I hate even engaging with it, but I had to vent. I hope it gets cancelled as soon as possible and the fan base dies down, in the meantime, I'll try to enjoy the books and the circle of book fabs that remain here. Of which your blog is a wonderful example. Love to you, hate to AMC.

I absolutely agree with every single word lol. As a woman and as a iwtv fan i am disgusted by the treatment of women in this show, but apparently the show writers and the majority of audience don't care about women representation, neither black nor white. Also the fact that they portrayed the sex workers (in the few scenes where they appear) as 'relaxed' women that seem to have a friendly attitude towards Louis (who in this show possesses a strong ambition for business) is weird and gives to the viewer a distorted view of reality. The narrative focused a lot on the issue of racism, so why not showing briefly the suffering of black prostitutes? Because the male gaze doesn't want to recognize it? I don't know. And don't get me started on the other female characters.

What happened to Claudia was completely avoidable and unnecessary and still rj opted for this version and said that the r4pe was 'a horrible thing that happened to her, but it has toughened her up'. I guess it is a self-explanatory sentence. I can't even imagine how SA victims felt while hearing him say it. It completely downplays the trauma of SA and implies that women get something positive out of it. I felt that episode and the scene in one of the first episodes where Louis burns the tapes of the '70 interview (the book….) were disgustingly disrespectful towards Anne Rice and her fans.

Last year I got into a heated argument with some show fans on twitter because they kept reiterating that 'at least prostitution gives more freedom to women/people than slavery', 'louis is a good pimp, he treats his girls with respect', 'he defends the prostitutes from cruel men' , 'at least he didn't enslave my ancestors unlike book louis', it was annoying and i was astonished of reading all their statements, very misogynistic.

Regarding pimp Louis: not only this is a way to avoid probing into the character's psyche/moral (and not include one of the most important themes of the novel), but it is a way of de responsabilize (and deny) the past. Louis is a man of his time and, with an accurate work of writing, it would have made sense to contestualize his privileged position and explain what it meant for him to be in charge of a plantation, it would have been interesting to show what it meant to be a landowner and slave owner at the time and the consequences of his actions reflected on his slaves, maybe introducing some of them into the narrative in a more concrete way (or do the same with the pimp/brothel storyline in the show, because it's equally evil), since it is a topic basically not explored in the book. But the showrunner decided that nowadays one should not represent these issues on tv and you have to disregard the past. It is extremely hypocritical.

And it's awful that for this reason they chose another historical setting, changing century and not addressing the fact that there were just as many issues in 1910/20 as well; apparently for the writers the XX century was a historical period with minor social problems where no difficulties existed (aside from racism, it was pretty much the most prominent theme in s1). And I doubt that the reconstruction of the New Orleans society of the time is faithful lol (and where is the voodoo?). All this imo denotes great laziness in the writing.

And clearly this series does not belong to the gothic genre, it's more a teen drama. Beyond the surface level thrills, the gothic literature holds a profound mirror to the complexities of human psychology that here are totally absent. I also doubt that the show writers did extensive research on the figure of the vampire in literature.

We were all eagerly waiting for the cancellation of this garbage that is NOT iwtv/tvc and the immediate disappearance of the show fandom ahahah but unfortunately it has been renewed for s3 😔

Thank you for the compliments mwah! hugs!

[agonycrossbow]

Alright. It's time. It's time we talk about the dining hall dialogue.

But before we do that, we first need to talk about the "running from creeps" dialogue, because they're connected.

Leon: You did well back there. (coyly) Seems this isn't your first time running from creeps. Ashley: (genuinely confused and hesitant) ... I can't tell if that's meant to be a compliment. Leon: ...

I've seen a lot of people utterly baffled by Leon's line of dialogue here -- even moreso than Ashley herself is. If you're one of those people who was stumped by this and you don't know what it was supposed to mean, let me explain:

Leon's line of dialogue here is a joke told by the developers/writers to the audience. The punchline is: "Leon is really bad at talking to women."

It was meant to be a compliment, but it didn't come out that way. He was trying to hit on her; you can tell from the deep-voiced, coy tone that Nick used to deliver the line. But it failed spectacularly -- so much so that, when Ashley tells him that she has no idea what he's trying to say, he just shuts up and doesn't bother to explain himself.

But if you tease it out a little bit more, you'll be able to see it more clearly.

"Seems this isn't your first time running from creeps" -- the implication there is that Ashley has caught the eye of creeps before -- particularly creepy men. The implication from that is that she's had a lot of creepy men hitting on her. The implication from that is that there's something about her that would attract that kind of attention in the first place.

What Leon was going for was: "I was impressed by how well you were able to avoid being seen by the enemy. But I guess it makes sense, since you've probably had to sneak away from creeps hitting on you a lot, considering how fucking hot you are."

But that's not what came out of his mouth. He tried to go for a more subtle approach, and he botched it completely -- and there was no way for him to explain himself when Ashley failed to catch his meaning, because any explanation he could possibly give would come off as vulgar and... well. Creepy. So he just shut his mouth and said nothing more.

The intention from the writers was for us to feel either a sense of second-hand embarrassment or of schadenfreude towards Leon in this moment, depending on what kind of personality you are, because wow. Wow. That was a terrible attempt at being charming, and now he looks like a total chud.

So now, let's come back to the dining hall dialogue.

Ashley: So, uh, you do a lot of missions like this? Leon: Well, yeah. But I'm not used to having such good company. Ashley: (breathless with excitement) ... Is that a... compliment? Leon: (lets out a self-satisfied "heh") Take it however you want.

Taken on its own and in a vacuum, you might be able to make the argument that he's just being nice -- that he enjoys her company because she's pleasant to be around, and it goes no further.

Even then, I'd probably say that that's ridiculous, because for him to just come out of nowhere with a line like that is not consistent with any version of Leon to have ever existed in any title -- excepting, of course, in instances where he's trying to get laid. (Chris is the only blockhead in the RE universe to hand out compliments like this and genuinely mean nothing by it and then not get it when people think he's hitting on them, but that's an entirely different point to be made.)

But for the sake of argument, let's just say that this is a normal thing for him to have said.

The thing is, this dialogue does not exist in a vacuum. It is a direct callback to the "running from creeps" exchange -- and we know that it's an intentional and direct callback due to Ashley's reaction and the re-use of the word "compliment" asked as a question.

This is Leon's moment of redemption.

This time, it's not that Ashley genuinely can't tell whether it's a compliment or not. Of course she can tell it's a compliment. Leon just told her explicitly that he enjoys having her around more than he enjoys most other people. She's not stupid.

What she's questioning this time is whether it's a compliment or if it's a... compliment.

She's asking the same question in her head that's being debated in fandom: Is he hitting on her, or is he just being nice? And the very thought that he could be hitting on her makes her breathless with excitement.

And Leon is also not stupid. (OG RE4 Leon's dialogue aside, I mean. THIS IS NO RITUAL IT'S TERRORISM) And he also knows that Ashley's not stupid. He knows exactly what she's asking him.

And instead of shutting it down or making sure she doesn't get the "wrong idea," he lets out a self-satisfied little "heh" (just so that the writers can convey to the audience that he's feeling smug, because it's in-game dialogue and they can't show Leon smirking outwardly) and responds with the sexually-charged tease of "Take it however you want." (Ashley should've responded back to him with "Give it to me, then." That's how pornos start.)

Because she doesn't have the wrong idea. She's not jumping to conclusions. She took it exactly how he meant it -- but he can't say that openly due to their current circumstances. So he leaves it as more of a "Well, I'm not not saying that."

And in order to reinforce the romantic/sexual nature of this exchange, the writers put in a lot of meta symbolism and imagery surrounding it, as well.

This happens specifically and only in the dining hall. Well, what's special about the dining hall?

I mean, I shouldn't have to explain that the scenery of a candlelit dinner is romantic -- but that's not all there is.

It's a completely red room, with red walls and red rugs over red carpeting. It is the only room not just in the castle -- but the entire game -- that looks like that. Red, of course, is the color of romance and passion. In some cases, psychologists have actually found it to cause people's heart rates to rise as an unconscious response.

It's also the room where you get the snake part of the chimera.

Going all the way back to biblical times, snakes have been a symbol of temptation and lust. In some cultures, they were even associated with fertility.

But wait -- there's more.

The puzzle that leads you to getting the snake involves literally filling the seats of and taking the roles of a king and queen.

Ashley has already been referred to as a "princess" and Leon as her "gallant knight" -- and yet, in the armor room (where you get the lion), Leon rejects the offer of filling the role of the knight when Ashley suggests he puts the armor on. But here? In the dining hall? He is the king to her queen. They're bonded together as equally important parts of the same puzzle via a fantasy marriage.

But we're not done yet.

What should I find waiting in this room just beside the entrance? Why, it's our old friend the bridal bouquet.

We've seen this before, haven't we? It was prominently featured in another scene that was very heavily romance-coded with its lighting, cinematography, imagery, and symbolism.

And one more thing. This one I found really interesting.

When Leon is on his "throne" what's sitting in his direct line of sight is a taxidermy eagle (and, of course, Ashley is "baby eagle"). And not only that, but there's also a bust of what appears to be William Shakespeare on display.

When Ashley is seated on her "throne" she also has a bust of Shakespeare across from her.

And what's significant about Shakespeare isn't just that, well. He's Shakespeare.

It's the fact that this puzzle leads directly into a scene that was shot deliberately to mimic/mirror the balcony scene in Romeo & Juliet.

This exchange isn't the only time Leon hits on/flirts with Ashley in RE4make -- but it is the boldest he ever gets about it, and the developers seemed to really, really want to make it as crystal clear as possible that that's what he's doing.

Consider this: This entire sequence was completely different in OG. The puzzle was different. The context of the puzzle was about the journey through life and the inevitability of our own mortality. Ashley wasn't even present for it. The cage that Leon gets caught in has absolutely no deeper symbolic meaning... and then a garrador pops out.

This was completely restructured from the ground up, for a very deliberate purpose.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: If Ashley had handed Leon a condom and given him the green light to use it, he would've fucked her right there on the dining room table.

Because, in the context of RE4make, eagleone is canon.

[eridanidreams]

Sunday Snippet

Tagging: @bearlytolerant, @silurisanguine, @aro-pancake, @fangbangerghoul, @atonalginger, @aislingdmdt, @fshenkoescape, @ninjaofnaps, @lisa-and-shadow, @a-cosmic-elf, @thatsgoodsquishy0, @hockeydemon42, @fomagranfalloon, @violenceandviolets, @staticpallour and @artemis-crimson

As usual, share if you want or haven't already, but otherwise just enjoy!

from stars through my fingers like grains of sand

The 'final sweep' was mostly just an excuse for Cait to hang back and let Sam escort Cora back to the ship in peace. She stepped through the hatch to the sitting room just in time to hear, "—thank god, Cora. Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

Cait couldn't miss the exasperation coming off Cora, but she didn't think Lillian heard it in the girl's voice. "I'm fine, Mom. I was so worried about you!"

"I'm fine," Lillian said, clearly trying to be reassuring. "You're fine. Everyone's fine." Lillian turned to look aft, where Sam was at the navigation table. Her voice hardened. "And now, it's time for me to kill your dad."

Cait set her jaw and started making her way toward the cockpit, but Cora spoke up first. "No! He wanted to keep me away, but I couldn't—I just couldn't—!"

Lillian made an annoyed-sounding sigh at that. "I swear, you two are both stubborn as mules." She would have said something more, but Cora caught sight of Cait and flung herself headlong to throw her arms around Cait.

"Mom's safe!" she crowed. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! I was so worried, but you did it!"

Cait returned the hug, uncomfortably aware of Lillian’s eyes on them. “I had plenty of help. And you did real good out there. Obeyed your dad perfectly, and saved my butt a couple times with what you saw.”

Cora muttered, “Mom always says to listen to your gut.”

“And she’s right,” Cait agreed. “And then you were extra smart to bring it to us so we could evaluate it based on experience. Gut’s gotta work with the head, you know?” She straightened up and tousled Cora’s hair. “Tell you what. Your mom and I have some Ranger business to discuss in private. Why don’t you go give your dad a hug? He’s pretty shaken from having two people he cares about in danger.” Cora and Lillian, she meant.

“Ca-ait.” Cora was radiating exasperation at her, now. “Learn to count.” Cait tried to give Cora her own version of the I’m-not-kidding face, but Cora seemed utterly unimpressed. “All right, I’m going.”

Lillian didn't even give Cait a chance to take a breath. "This is your ship, right? I hate to ask, but I'm going to need more assistance with my mission."

"What kind of assistance?" Cait asked warily. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sam pat Cora on the shoulder, sending her in the direction of the ladder.

"There's a shipment of armaments coming in on a heavy freighter—the Dumas. I know its itinerary. If we can track back to the arms cache, we can lure out a Seokguh underboss—Valerie Mosquera." Lillian explained. Her brown eyes were bright, hard, a raptor that had its prey in sight. "Valerie's the worst kind of criminal—she's smart. Too smart. And she's convinced some of the Syndicate to think outside the box."

Cait folded her arms across her chest and raised an eyebrow. "Okay, so why do we have to go after it? Can't we call in some other Ranger support?"

Lillian sighed. "I think the Seokguh have found a way to intercept some of our secure transmissions. We can't trust traditional communications, and I have a limited window where the intel is actionable."

Cait scowled. "You mean like the secure channel Sam used to contact you when we came in?" She let out a long breath. "I knew something was off about the way the Syndicate was coming at us."

"Ridiculous," scoffed Lillian.

"You just said Mosquera's smart and thinking outside the box," Cait retorted.

"What are you thinking?" Sam ducked through the hatch, glancing between the two women.

"That they didn't have time to send reinforcements before we'd dust off," Cait said, thinking hard. "But they know what kind of information a mole's likely to be there to look for. So they pull back, let us think we got out clean; meanwhile, Mosquera is setting up an ambush based on the leaked intel. She figures you're going to find some way to pull in at least some reinforcements; why settle for taking down one Ranger when she can take down several? The Syndicate gets to make a statement—that not even the Rangers can stop them—and clear the way for further operations."

"If that's the case," Lillian argued, "then that makes it even more important that we stop her before she gets to that point."

"Are you for real?" Cait braced herself against Sam's frustration. "Weren't you just chewing me out about putting Cora in danger?"

"Think, Sam," Lillian demanded. "What if you were spotted—either here, or I assume Neon?"

"We weren't," Cait said flatly—she had a finely-honed sense of when someone meant her ill, and no one following them would have been able to mask that. She raised her eyes to Sam's. "Believe me," she said, more to him than to Lillian, "I would have known." His eyebrows went up, and he gave her a faint nod of acknowledgment.

"You can't be sure of that," Lillian snapped. "And as you just pointed out, they might have overheard Sam's call." She stared daggers at Sam. "The only way to be safe is to see it through."

Cait exhaled heavily; though she didn't like to admit it, Lillian had a point regarding the communications. "Fine," she growled. "For this, I think Cora should have a sleepover on the Eye—"

"We don't have time," Lillian protested.

"Do you realize how much of a hypocrite you're being?" Cait fired back, losing the thread of the others' emotions under the flood of her own frustration slipping free.

Lillian flushed. "If time weren't of the essence, I would never put Cora in any danger. As if either of you care about Cora’s safety, dragging her all over hell and gone.”

“The amount of wrong in that statement,” Cait retorted, “is like calling the Rock a pebble. Fact is, Cora’s safety comes first, last, and middle—and not just for Sam. He’s just not under the misapprehension that he can keep her safe by leaving her behind somewhere. He keeps her safe by being there for her.” Lillian winced, but Cait wasn’t done. “He keeps her safe by teaching her how to be safe. And he keeps her safe by having people around him that can back him up.” Cait shook her head in disgust. "Listen to you. You went haring off on your own, you didn't arrange for backup, and got yourself in deep enough shit that you damn near got killed. There was one person who insisted you were in trouble, and that's the brilliant girl who you're suddenly willing to put at risk because it's convenient for you. Everyone else figured that Ms. Super-Ranger Fire-Eatin’ Hart could handle whatever came her way.” Sam stared at her, wide-eyed with astonishment at her sudden burst of anger.

“Oh.” Lillian looked taken aback. “Well, I didn’t know that.”

“You didn’t ask.” Cait's response was quiet but laced with acid. “The minute you heard Cora on the com earlier you were ripping into Sam for bringing her along—and now you’re all ‘let’s get the Syndicate, no time to make sure Cora’s safe’? And barely a word for Cora herself besides telling her you were going to kill her dad?" Cait shook her head angrily. "And now, you expect me to put my ship, my crew, my friends, at risk to dig you out of the hole you dug yourself?"

Lillian took a deep breath, and it was obvious from the look on her face that she was trying to control her own temper. "Look," she said, her voice conciliatory, "whatever else you might think, Valerie Mosquera has plans larger than Neon, and she will not hesitate to go after anyone in her way. And at this moment, you're on that list. Now, you may be right about it being an ambush, but if we move fast enough, we have the opportunity to get ahead of it."

Sam added reluctantly, like he really didn't want to agree with Lillian, "Nothing blows an ambush faster than the ambushees being in on the surprise." A deep breath. "And the goal is good—always is with you, Lillian.

Cait hated the feeling of being stampeded into something she thought was a bad idea—but the problem was, she didn't have any better ones. "Fine," she said curtly. "Send me the coords."

"Gladly," Lillian said, her voice as clipped as Cait's. "We get the location of the cache from the Dumas, then we make our move."

Cait stared at Lillian for a long moment, then shook her head. "Do your worst," she quoted softly, "for I will do mine." And if Lillian didn't recognize the quote, well, she damned well should have.

[etoiline]

Surprise Ask on Tumblr Time

What reading or watching this month?

Favorite go to recipe? Here is mine: https://alexandracooks.com/2012/11/07/my-mothers-peasant-bread-the-best-easiest-bread-you-will-ever-make/print/51440/

Coffee or tea?

Bad joke alert - Why did the scarecrow get promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field.

🎉

surprise ask whee!

Currently reading The Book of Elsewhere by Keanu Reeves and China Miéville (yes, that Keanu). Feels a little like I'm missing something since this is based off a previously detailed character, but I'm only 10% into the book so further reading required.

Hubs and I have been on a bit of a blockbuster/classic movie rewatch kick lately; just last night we watched Casablanca (my first time seeing it), and we've rewatched Twister, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, and Tarzan in the last couple of weeks. I'm also enjoying season 2 of AMC's Interview with the Vampire, but I'm having a hard time finding opportunities to finish it.

My "we have nothing in the house to cook (a lie) and I'm too tired to do anything else" recipe which is not a recipe is to doctor some instant ramen into an actual meal: cook the noodles and seasoning packet as instructed, but add shrimp or canned chicken, frozen spinach or mixed vegetables and dried onion (if you're really fancy add some furikake or ramen topper [Costco I love you never change]). If you've got an egg drop the whole thing in to boil while the noodles cook, or chop a previously boiled egg in half and add at the end. Soy sauce and sesame oil optional.

Usually I crave cheese, so an actual recipe: Pressure Luck's Instant Pot Mac & cheese.

I used to hate coffee (your blast from the past today is how I was constantly annoyed that there was a Gloria Jean Coffee Bean store across from the B. Dalton bookstore in my childhood mall, which meant I had to smell that ridiculously strong coffee smell before I got into my favorite place in the world. Reasonably certain neither of those places exist anymore). Then much later I married hubs and he introduced me to coffee-flavored milk, and that's been a nice pick-me-up on weekends. If I can get it, though, I prefer fruity teas or a good chai (make yours with apple cider one day, you'll thank me).

The cafe I walk past on the way to work always has a joke on their menu stand. I can't remember today's joke, lol, but yesterday's was this (and it's probably funnier on a Tuesday but what can you do):

What's a shark's favorite day of the week? . . . Chewsday!

[igotsnothing]

Morgyn: Vampires are a bit obsessive by nature. You can't survive for this long without developing some quirks. Caleb here comes by all of his honestly.

Caleb: You're my favorite quirk.

Morgyn, grinning: Hush, you.

Morgyn: This, between us, was never meant to become more serious. It was something we first embarked on out of curiosity. We never expected it to become something more, something deeper.

Caleb: Speak for yourself. I knew you were the one the moment you walked through the door.

Morgyn: My favorite thing about Caleb? He's my friend, first and foremost. We can talk about anything and I trust him. He's incredibly kind and so very patient. He knows how to calm me down when I'm upset or angry. He is a fantastic listener but he will also give me his honest opinion. And look at him! He's charming! He's delightfully old fashioned: he dresses up when we go anywhere, brings me flowers, is ridiculously protective...He's my knight in shining armor. He just melts me with his sweetness.

Caleb: My favorite thing about Morgyn? Hmm. Everything? They're my love. I had forgotten my heart could beat so hard until I met them.

Morgyn: See? See? He's doing it now!

Morgyn: I'd like to think that I've opened up his world. Before we met, travel was very complicated for Caleb because he can't really go out in the daylight. Now, we just portal everywhere. Dancing to a live salsa band in Selvadorada? Done. Midnight swim in Sulani? Step this way. Relaxing soak at an onsen at Komorebi? Let's do it.

Caleb: It's true. Travel was so complicated and involved so many moving parts. Now, we can bound across distances in the blink of an eye. It is wonderful. But the truth is, what makes these jaunts all over the place so great is being with Morgyn. We could be sitting right here, watching a movie, or going for a night stroll, and I'd still be having a terrific time. They bring me the world, but they are my world; they are all I need.

Morgyn: Did it just get really hot in here? Someone open a window!

Caleb: We love each other, but we're taking it slow. Enjoying it all. Not rushing into anything.

Morgyn: We make plans. Lots of plans.

Caleb: Right now, we have been talking about living together--I'm not quite, ah, living, but, um, well, yes- you get what I mean.

Morgyn: And we talk about marriage. He makes me want to have a real cozy home with a garden and throw a big corny wedding, things I'd never considered before.

Caleb: They'll happen. All those things. I want them, too. With you.

Morgyn: One thing I haven't let him do is drink blood from me. I know it would mean so much to him, but I do not know if my blood, as a mage, would have an adverse effect on him.

Caleb: I don't think it would.

Morgyn: Don't ask me to take that chance.

Caleb: That's fine. Do your research. But I can assure you I'll be ok. I once bit someone from Sixam and nothing bad happened.

Morgyn: You DID? This is new! What was that like?

Caleb: Out of this world?

Morgyn: Oh, sir! You DID NOT just make a terrible pun.

Caleb: But I only see stars with you...

Morgyn, suggestively: Damn right. I'm the Big Bang!

(Laughter)

Listening to: *Baby- Helena Deland* 02:33 ━━━━●───── 04:33

(This last picture was not posed at all. They are super cute with each other. And this is why they must always be together, your honor; I rest my case.)

[kireijae]

n.jm 23:25

summary: in which you're literally me and this is how i feel but i write a fanfic so jaemin can fix it:)

genre: angst, fluff, f2l, happy ending

a/n: hello surprise!!!! i JUST wrote this in like 30 minutes so please be kind! it was very healing i think mkay bye let me know if you enjoyed it!

—

jaemin was taken out of his scheduled (midnight) daydreaming by the chime of his phone. normally he wouldn't bother to answer, or even check the notification, but he glanced over.

he saw your name and unlocked his phone immediately.

jaemin enjoyed the fact that he knew you so well. he knew how you texted and what it meant. he knew your favourite restaurants and your favourite orders at each of them. he knew you better than you knew yourself. he knew you the way you knew him.

and so, he knew you'd been taking strain with your flatmate getting a boyfriend. it was a strange, new feeling to you. you were so happy for her. jimin deserved the world and had finally, finally found someone willing to give it to her. but, when would it be your turn? you'd longed for love for so long. you'd worked on yourself and felt truly ready for a partner to share your life with.

jaemin was not, in fact, out the door. not yet, anyway. he tugged on his shoes and a hoodie first– and grabbed one for you. he didn't like you driving when you were sad. you listened to sad songs and cried while driving, not the best for the whole being-able-to-see part of driving.

your apartment was only 10 minutes from jaemin's and those 10 minutes were spent on the phone with you.

"should i gather snacks?"

"yes. duh? of course, it's us," he answered, eyes locked on the road.

"oh my– we have ben and jerry's!" you squealed, and he could hear your little happy jumps.

jaemin smiled, "what flavour?"

"cookie dough!"

"fuck yes," he cheered.

"oh yeah, do you guys ha–"

"do you need coffee–"

said at the same time.

"that's what i was going to ask for," jaemin said, elated at your likemindedness.

"i know you," you beamed, and he could hear a smug tone in your voice.

you'd long ago accepted your connection with jaemin as fact. something not to be questioned or even surprised at anymore. your friendship ran deep, it was to be expected really.

but, selfishly, jaemin wanted more. he wanted to give you everything you wanted. he wanted to hold you in sorrow and in pleasure. he wanted to tease you like he does now, but be able to make up for it with a kiss and an 'i love you' that means something different than it does now. but he never said anything. he didn't want you to lose your closest companion.he didn't want to be that guy. you would never see him the same, he would never again be the person you needed.

"i'm outside."

"okay, on my way down."

you came out of the building soon enough, an overnight bag over your shoulder. and a shirt nowhere near adequate enough for the cold outside. jaemin scoffed and grabbed the spare hoodie. he jogged over to meet you at the door, taking your bag and plopping the hoodie over your form simply. he left the sleeves at your sides, leaving you in the fabric with your arms at your sides.

you pulled a face at his quick work, but shoved your arms into the sleeves anyway.

"i know you," he quoted cheekily and walked over to his car.

you childishly blew a raspberry at him, standing like a child in oversized hand-me-down clothes.

you got in the passenger seat and he drove you back to his place. you were crying by the end of the trip, taylor swift once again being the artist you chose to play in the car drive over.

you were laughing now though, with tear stained cheeks standing in the entryway to jaemin's apartment.

"this is ridiculous," you announced through your giggles.

"what is?" he asked, leading you to his room and putting your bag down on a chair.

"me. this situation," you said, "i just made myself cry to songs i can't even relate to. i'm a mess."

"a wonderful mess," jaemin corrects quickly.

"but a mess nonetheless," you countered.

"you need to stop listening to taylor swift," he said, "you're rhyming."

"you're right," you chuckle, settling onto the bed where jaemin had just situated himself. "i'm just so lonely."

jaemin could feel your need to talk, so he waited.

"do you think i deserve love?" you asked, eyes shining still.

he was baffled, "of course you do."

"i mean– do you think i might just be one of those people who never find a partner but are still happy and content with life alone?" you asked, "because i'm waiting for either of those scenarios but neither has happened and i'm starting to think neither will."

"i think the right person is out there," he said, he would tell you to wait, be patient, but he knows it won't help. especially when he knew he could end your wondering and pain right then, if you felt the same.

"i hope so," you wiped a stray tear from your cheek.

"you'll find your soulmate," he added, putting his arm around you, "you still believe in those, right?" he recalled a conversation over the phone about how your belief in the theory was dwindling.

"i do," you said, leaning into his chest, "i decided i have to or i'll go crazy. but, i'll stop believing if you don't find your soulmate."

he frowned and shook his head lightly in surprise. "what? why?"

"you're too great to not have someone out there waiting for you," you said simply, eyes wondering around the room you've been in hundreds of times.

jaemin felt his soul ache a bit more at that. the fact that you had no clue how close you were to someone who would give you anything you asked for at the drop of a hat. "i think someone's out there dying to love you the way you need."

you huffed, "and i'm dying to find them."

the boy's heart started beating faster than ever. he had the courage– or the momentary lapse in judgement– to do it.

"y/n," his voice didn't waver the way he thought it would.

"hmm?" you craned your neck to look up at him for the first time that night.

"i've been dying to do something for a while now," he confessed.

"what is it?" your face flickered with what in hindsight can be recognised as hope.

"can i kiss you?"

tears fell again, "please."