#like typing wouldnt do this but i am having to continuously do the same 4 clicking motions to go through things 100x over a day no stopping

[spilling-blood]

Wrists were meant to continuously chop vegetables or slice steaks for hours. That never gave me even fatigue. This shit is unnatural.

[ashisstrange]

MASTERLIST

ʷᵒʳᵈˢ: ².²ᵏ

ᵖᵃⁱʳⁱⁿᵍ: ᶜʰⁱˡᵈᵉ ˣ ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ

ᵒᵗʰᵉʳ ᵗᵃᵍˢ: ʰᵘʳᵗ/ᶜᵒᵐᶠᵒʳᵗ, ˢˡⁱᵍʰᵗ ᵃⁿᵍˢᵗ, ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ ⁱⁿˢᵉʳᵗ, ʲᵘˢᵗ ᵍⁱᵛᵉ ʰⁱᵐ ᵃ ᵇʳᵉᵃᵏ ᵃˡʳᵉᵃᵈʸ

✥﹤┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈﹥✥

Its late in the night, far too late for your liking. The moon is glistening in the sky with it's stars, providing a small sheen of light in your dark room, passing through the curtains. It's not unusual for Tartaglia to get home late considering his occupation, but you never got used to the worry pooling in ur gut each hour that passes without him by your side.

What if he's gotten incredibly hurt and you're not there to help? What if one day he doesn't return home? Nontheless you always prepare extra dinner and make the bed, even on nights he doesn't return. You never had the idea of coming home to loving arms and warm dinner as a kid, so it felt as if it's your duty to make sure Tartaglia never suffers that feeling.

The feeling of a stab in the chest as you enter the dark house, eerily silent. You'd always pad your way to the kitchen silently and snag a sandwich before going to bed in your room. Your living situation had never been inherently bad, but the people you lived with, the people any other person would've called their parents, seemed to make everything unbearable.

That is why when you turned 18 you moved out to Liyue harbor, and your close friend Zhongli was there every step of the way. You had run into him once during a trip at the age of 16, and you had kept contact through letters ever since.

The man, at the time, told you he was 23, but he never really seemed to age. You brushed it off, probably overthinking it. That is the same person that introduced you to Childe, it was quite a sudden occurence, but you'll be forever grateful.

You needed a place to stay and your friend told you that his friend wouldnt mind a roommate, and that he was rarely found home anyways. You took up the offer, not knowing that your roommate would be one of the fatui harbingers.

You were off to a rocky start, the man refusing to talk to you the very few times he was at the appartment. Later though, he seemed to warm up to you, ever so slowly.

You don't remember how your relationship ever came to be, it's not like you've ever explicitly put a label to it. There was just a moment where you felt as if everything changed. What you had wasn't just merely a romantic relationship, it was more than that. To provide each other comfort and love like no one else had ever done before. Unconditional love that didnt seem to falter, even during the moments where you parted ways.

You smile to yourself, remeniscing the days you barely talked, and the days you spent helping him when he was wounded. There was one particular night he just crashed into your bed in the middle of the night, even though he usually only used the couch.

He had clung to you as if you were his only lifeline, sleeping soundlessly as you laid in shock. The shock died down after a few seconds though, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. Not long after you fell asleep too, and since that night Tartaglia had never slept on the couch ever again.

You check th clock. 4:37 Am, way too late to be up, but it's not like you'd sleep regardless. You'd probably get an ear full from Zhongli during your scheduled lunch the next day, but that, folks, is something for future you to deal with.

Suddenly you heard the turning of keys in a lock, and a door opening and slamming shut. That can only be one person. Then you heard a crash coming from the living room, making you shoot up. You slipped on your slippers as you quickly shuffled your way across the room and out into the living room.

You flicked on the light and were met by Tartaglia, slumped against the back of the couch. His bow was discarded to the side and he was breathing heavily. Sluggishly, his eyes opened to meet yours, his gaze seemed distant, almost empty.

You snapped out of your trance, rushing to pull his arm over your shoulder. You managed to drag him across the living room, over to the bathroom, settling him down on the closed lid of the toilet. You held up your hands, as if to say 'wait here'. You didn't dare break the silence that hung over you, scared that you'd set him off or something.

He didn't seem to protest, so you left to go get the med kit from the kitchen, and a clean rag to clean off the blood splattered across his skin. Was it his? That was a question that, regardless if you could guess the answer, would be left unanswered. As always.

He met your eyes when you returned, seeking for some contact. He knew how much you hated blood. The stickyness, the sickening smell and the thought of what must have happened that involved getting covered in blood. You always helped him regardless, and he thanked you dearly for that. After a long day he simply could not do it himself.

It makes him feel helpless, but you're always right by his side to make him feel better. You wet the rag, cleaning off his calloused hands. His face too had some traces of blood, but those were easily wiped away as well.

After some emergency stitches and a bandage around his bicep you motioned for him to stand up, letting him know that the treatment was done. He was still quite weak, but not as much as before.

"Thanks," he croaked, the first words you shared in 2 days. His voice sounded devoid of any confidence. He seemed very fragile, but you didn't comment it.

"No worries," You send him a reassuring smile, helping him get up and over to the bedroom. You see him visibly relax once he's in bed, snuggling into the sheets. He immediately rolls over towards you when he feels the matress dip, wrapping his arms around your waist.

His face is buried in between your shoulder blades, and it's nearly impossible for you to turn over and look at him. He only does that when he's in a bad mood, and you stop putting in effort to try and face him.

"Bad day?" He hums, the vibrations thrumming against your back. He seems tense, but you're careful not to trigger him too much. The last thing you want is to stress him out even more, knowing he has a lot on his plate already.

After a while, when you've started nodding away assuming he fell asleep you suddenly feel movement behind you. You open your eyes as you hear a small sniffle. It's almost as if you could hear your hart shatter from beneath your ribs. He probably thought you were asleep too.

His arms had relaxed, allowing you to turn around easily. His ocean blue eyes met yours, big with surprise, even though they seemed almost grey-ish in the faint moonlight. All you could do is smile at him as you opened his arms, for him to rely on you.

And that's exactly what he did. qHe fell into your chest, sniffling and crying freely as you drew patterns on his back, your other hand running through his hair. You could almost feel his clogged nose by the way he was having trouble breathing. After a bit his sobbing eased down to mere sniffles as you handed him a handkerchief to blow out his nose.

He used to have a lot of trouble with that, relying on people. Upon meeting him he imediately sparked you as the type of person that didnt bother anyone with his personal feelings, bottling them up for only him to experience. You could see how it physically and mentally ate away at him

That's why one day you faced him, and opened your arms. He had quirked up a brow, confused at what you were insinuating. "Rely on me." You said, and he chuckled, assuming it was a joke.

When you didn't move he realised you weren't kidding. Eventually you wrapped your arms around him, the man tense in your grip. "You don't seem to want to bug anyone else with your problems, so you can rely on me instead,"

You had no idea ho much those words had meant to him, they stuck by him like gum under a shoe. It felt good, he admitted, to have someone to rely on.

"I'm so sorry," He croaks, and he sounds nearly as small as he did in the bathroom half an hour ago, his eyes red with tears. Seeing him like that made your chest clench in pain, knowing the pain the world has caused him.

"There's nothing for you to apologise for," he seems to be taken aback by your comment, maybe even... offended?

"N-no way, i'm clearly a burden to you and a waste of yo-" you shut him up by pressing a kiss to his lips, making his eyes widen.

"You have nothing to apologize for because i am here for you, willingly. I promised to help you with whatever you're going through didn't i," He nods in defeat, leaning back into you. The way he cuddles up to you almost seems domestic, forgetting the fact that he kills people for a living.

"You need to take a break sweetie, otherwise you'll just keep eating yourself up," You stroke a lock of hair out of his face that nearly seemed glued by the stickyness of his tears. He furrows his brows, creating deep creases in between them.

"You know i can't, there's way too much for me to do," He looks up at you, as if he's offended you brought it up in the first place. You press your thumb in between his brows, easing up the crease and stopping him from furrowing.

"We both know it isn't a crime to take a week off, considering you've never used your days off," He tries to butt in, but you shush him before he can start. "And before you start about 'your duties', there's enough harbingers at the fatui, it's not like they can't send Scaramouche to deal with your business for a bit,"

He frowns again, but you resume in stroking his hair. "Besides, if they don't allow you to take off, which i highly doubt, they'll have me to deal with," You smirk. His eyes crinkle up as he musters a small smile. You're not the most intimidating person on the planet, but it's the sentiment that matters.

"What would i even do in that week though," he huffs, fiddling with the back of your shirt as he seems deep in thought.

"Well i had just the idea," you chuckle as he looks at you in disbelief. His eyes are still a bleary red, but you can tell he's a lot less tense than earlier. "And that is..." He continues, his tone ever so curious.

"Say, how long has it been since you've been back home," he visibly tenses up, not meeting your eyes. You know its a sensetive topic, but it'd really do him good to go back home to see his family.

"I dont know, nearly two years," his voice is merely above a whisper, bless the fact that the room is so silent you'd be able to hear a pin drop. You adjust your position so that he's laying against you more comfortably, going back to stroking through his hair.

"Well i thought we could book it to shnezhynaiya for a week or two, spend some time with your family," He lays still against you, as if he'd break if he moved. "After all, they've only heard about me through letters," you chuckle.

You hold him a little tighter, leaning into the warmth. "Wouldn't you like that?" You say in his ear, just above a whisper. That seems to break him, the realisation dawning on him that he'd get to see his family again.  Tears run down his face once again, only this time they're not caused by distress. He nods as he buries his face back into your shoulder.

You stroke his back as you continue talking about your trip, soothing him. Later, when he's stopped crying, he talks along. He tells you about his parents, about how his mother used to be there for him through everything. About how he used to go ice fishing with his father in the winters, and proudly mention he caught a very big fish once.

He also tells you about his siblings, about how he cares for every single one of them very dearly. He also tells you about the spots he wants to visit with you he used to hang out at.

He tells you all about it, and for the first time in a while you see him smile. Really, genuinely smile. The kind of smile where his eyes crinkle up and he bares his teeth. It's an incredibly endearing sight, and u make a mental note to never forget it.

Suddenly he yawns. "You must be exhausted," you chuckle as you both adjust your positions, ready to fall asleep. He only hums as he keeps his eyes shut, pulling up his blanket. His breathing evens out as he falls asleep.

You smile as you look at his resting face, snuggling closer to him as you think; god, how did i get this lucky

[indomies]

#showyourprocess

From planning to posting, share your process for making creative content!

To continue supporting content makers, this tag game is meant to show the entire process of making creative content: this can be for any creation.

RULES — When your work is tagged, show the process of its creation from planning to posting, then tag up to 5 people with a specific link to one of their creative works you’d like to see the process of. Use the tag #showyourprocess so we can find yours!

sabrina @lanwangiji​, my love, tagged me to share my process of making this typography edit! check out her explanation of her the untamed edit and her edit tag. 

1. PLANNING

i once opened lyrics edit requests so i can learn and practice typography. this edit was a request as well. i asked them which lyrics they wanted to have and the colors they’d like. since i got several requests and it was hard to keep tabs on them, i made a trello board so i could organize everything. i’m still using the trello board for every edit idea i have, the board makes my life easier.

above is what i filled the card in the board with. basically just information of the requests.

1.1 INSPIRATION

once i got the request, my first thought was to find the vibe the song/lyrics exude. “it’s an old curse” screamed witchy vibes to me, so i went to pinterest to find some inspirations. at first i was looking for witchy poster designs and i came across this. i liked how it has smoke-ish graphic and i thought the smoke suited the “old curse” lyrics. and tbh pinterest is a rabbit hole, they gave me suggestions after suggestions, like this and this which became my inspiration for the color palette (i added the gold from those pics) and the sun moon design gave me the idea to incorporate space stuffs too. i somehow landed on this too, and because i wanted to include space theme, i made a simple phases of the moon. ultimately the hero of this edit was the lyrics, i didnt want the graphics took the center stage. i was inspired to make a crystal ball and do this kind of typography but after several trials i couldnt get the the typography right, so i scratched that idea and went with the space theme instead.

1.2 PICKING COLORS

after i was feeling inspired enough, i went looking for the right colors. i usually just type “color name” and “palette” on pinterest. example “dark grey color palette” and i chose the one i liked best. when the request only asked for 1 color, i always searched for either a complimentary or contrasting color to give it a jushz, to add sprinkles. that’s why i added gold on top of the dark grey. 

1.3 FINDING FONTS

this is the hardest part. the fonts play important role to the design. they need to convey the vibes of the lyrics, in this case witchy/magic vibe. i needed to find fonts or font just as magical and a bit whimsical. tho i hoard fonts... i like to use new font for every typography edit lmao sue me.

i highly recommend going to creativemarket free goods site, pixelsurplus font freebies and behance to search for fonts. i always use 100% free fonts, that means i can use it personally as well as commercially. creativemarket gives me desktop license for the fonts, which means i can use it for commercial as well. the reason i do this because i want to open an etsy shop someday, and i want to have the right license when i sell my stuffs. i almost never buy fonts bc they are expensive lmao. 

the fonts in used are “Vintage” for the main typograpy (i think i was a freebie from creativemarket) and “Morganite” for the title of the lyrics and the name of artist. 

2. CREATING

once i have my materials and ideas, i open my illustrator and hope it doesnt crash every 5 min.

for this kind of typography edits, i use 600x700 px. tbh i dont like using 540px, the suggested tumblr size, as the width bc to me it doesn’t look as good in quality, so i up the px. but more on this sizing later. i utilize the artboards function in illustrator, and i use 2 artboards.

i use illustrator (ai) bc i’m working with vectors. when i work with vectors, the graphics/texts or whatever im making in ai wont become blurry or lose its quality when i enlarge or shrink it. in compare to photoshop, i need to make for example the moon graphic very big, so i wont lose the quality when i reduce and enlarge it again. with vector, i can start small and when i expand it, it’s still as good as when it’s tiny. 

2.1 GRADIENTS

i started with the gradients first. i created a rectangle as big as 600x700px and with the “freeform gradient” tool in ai, i played with the colors. below is the color palettes i used

2.2 LYRICS AND GRAPHICS

once the gradients are done, i worked with the lyrics and graphics right away. when i first doing this edits, i made typos a lot lmaooooooo. so i copy and pasted the lyrics on top of my artboard, so i wouldnt have any typos. 

i had 3 layers in my ai. one for the inspo pics and the OG lyrics. the rest for the edits themselves. i broke up “It's an old curse/dreamers diving headfirst” into to parts, hence the 2 more layers

i almost always started with the lyrics first then the graphics. but for this edit, i made the smoke first so i can layout where my text would be.

tbh the process of making the lyrics is a trial and error. i tried bunch of different stuffs and i chose whatever the best. but i worked like methodically, i made sure i finished the first part of the lyrics first then i could move on.

i was lucky with this font “vintage”. the font offers me several glyphs like these

and i chose the one at the bottom. you’re very lucky if you find a font and they have glyphs.

excursion: glyphs vs fonts

glyph is an individual character. It might be a letter, an accented letter, a ligature, a punctuation mark, a dingbat, etc.

A font is a digital file which is used to display a typeface, which contains the entire upper- and lowercase alphabet as well as punctuation, numbers, and other special characters.

after i was finished with all the lyrics i added some graphics to make the edit pretty like small stars or dots. i added the song title and the artist too, sometimes at the bottom sometimes at the top. and i added my watermark put it as small as i could and made it a bit invisible but still can be seen.

2.3 EXPORTING

exporting! this is where i’m going to go deeper with the dimension of my work. in ai, i always choose to save with “export as screens” function. it automatically divides the artboards i have and save them separately. i always save as png, bc the size is smaller than jpg but can maintain the quality.

now the export tab looks like this

see the formats? i always scale up my edits, 2-3 times the original artboard size. reason is, to maintain the quality. i have tried to save it as original, 600x700 px, but it turned out a bit blurry. bc everything in ai is vector, when i scale up it doesnt lose the quality. BUT once i save it as png, it’s not a vector anymore, and when you zoom in until a certain degree it’ll be pixelated. that’s why i always scale up, to avoid it becoming pixelated when it’s just zoomed 1 or 2 times.

2.4 FINAL TOUCH

i opened my photoshop and also pray it won’t crash. import the png of my edits, add some grains/noise. the reason i use photoshop is, the noise filter is way better than in ai. it’s smoother somehow. and then i export my edits.

(i have a timelapse of how i made one of my edits, it’s not this one, but it’ll give you a better visualization. find it HERE

3. POSTING

now the hardest parts are done, we go to posting!

i uploaded the 2 posters on tumblr as photos then i wrote the captions. for this typography edit, i always chose another lyrics that i like from the same song for the caption. i bolded the lyrics, add link to all of my typography gradient edits.

i always use this link to color my caption. i usually choose 3-4 colors, and i took the colors from my edit. but this was not until recently lmao. before i just took a guess and looked for similar colors that match the edit, but then i thought “why didnt i just use the color in the posters lmao”

ok after i have my html code for the caption, i go to this site to replace the “;” with “ “ so tumblr can read the code.

i’m not one who puts their edits in draft, bc i just cant wait to post it. i have to option here, either i post it immediately when the time is right (i usually post between 4-8) or i schedule it, if im finished before 4. 

i put all the necessary tags and click post! i am done finally!

i’m tagging:

@thetriangletattoo​ for this amazing series

@deludedandlostcause​ for this impressive gif

@half-lightl​ for this spectacular edit

@gayndrew​ for this stunning drawing

@thechampagnelovers​ for this cool collage

@cloudslou​ for this incredible edit

@heyangels​ for this incredible edit

[huntertherapyeras]

all -5's please!

thanks for asking anon! before y'all continue reading this, i want to warn y'all that it gets heavy at points, as aster lore often does. i put warnings before each triggering topic followed by dots in case you want to avoid reading those responses! happy learning 💜

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

cans all the way!!! super cold soda cans have the best carbonation... soda bottles go next! i find once you've poured the soda into any sort of cup a lot of the carbonation goes away with it and i dont like that >:(

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

bold of you to assume my dyspraxic ass was good at anything during pe. i have very little upper body strength (even after years of gymnastics conditioning trying to build it up), and i couldn't catch or throw a ball until i was like 15 bc my shoulders like to dislocate whenever i use them djnnfnn. also didnt realize until i was an adult that my eyes have totally different prescriptions so my depth perception was garbage the first 20 years of my life which is probably why my left eye is lazy now 😭

but once high school hit and i was able to do gymnastics for all my pe credits thru my homeschool program i did great! lmao

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

ok i know ayn rand is disgusting but anthem kind of changed my life when i first read it. id never seen a writing style like that before and i honestly think it influenced my own writing style a lot!!!!

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

on my laptop! i cant handwrite anymore after my arm injury and writing was already pretty hard before that bc my fine motor skills.... are not so good. learning to type opened up a whole new world for me, im a pro at it now!

25. first song you remember hearing?

is it super weird if i say "a cruel angel's thesis", the neon genesis evangelion theme song? one of my first memories is hearing that song and watching that anime. i was probably like three? Thats Not For Children Mom. but i mean. i guess i turned out ok (lmao) so its FINE!

30. places that you find sacred?

empty beaches. especially when its a little cold out. the ocean seems to stretch endlessly and you can feel the sand between your toes and everything is so quiet and loud at the same time. and then the sun goes down and the tide rises and you're just a little convinced its gonna swallow you right up. you feel so small.

the louisiana bayou at night. it feels like you shouldn't be there. there are spirits roaming the streets. one day when i being babysat at my mom's friend's house i looked out the window and saw a pair of glowing red eyes. i'm not sure if anyone believed me.

35. average time you fall asleep?

that is a LOADED question lol! my sleeping schedule is so weird bc im just now being treated for bipolar after years of being in denial about it and i have a delayed sleep phase + severe sleep apnea. so uhhh. really depends. but when i just follow what my body wants and don't worry about responsibilities i usually pass out around 3/4 am and wake up around 3-5 pm.

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

drugs m, pregnancy loss m

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when i was 12 i nearly skipped another grade and went straight to high school instead of grade 8. i would have stuck with it too, but i was being bullied really heavily at my school (partially bc i was considered a prodigy i guess). it was a small alternative school that encouraged weed smoking. i once found a bud on a desk and everyone tried to act like i wouldnt know what it was even though my mom grew weed medically when i was growing up and supplied like. the entire midwest or whatever. but i went along with it because i didn't want to put a target on us. *shrugs* middle school was hard for me lol. i eventually left the school because the principal mentioned my mom's recent miscarriage in front of everyone. between that and the bullying i just couldn't deal anymore i guess.

the school ended up being closed a year later because of shady stuff. my mom and i kinda saw it as karma i guess

sorry! that story is kind of a bummer!

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45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

ohhhh i think... i think i love science fiction and fantasy equally! especially stuff that weaves the two together, so like science fiction with fantasy elements or fantasy with science fiction explanations! superhero stuff is great too ofc!

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

😳 i dont... remember .... djdnfn my memory is mostly blank spaces tbh..but recently! fandom shitposts i think!

55. favorite fairy tale?

rapunzel hits hard. also the little mermaid.... yeah

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

oh defs slice of life! but like... a slice of life that romanticizes the mundane 💜 there's so much beauty in normal things. ive had such a strange life that i kind of cling to it i think

65. any permanent scars?

a facet of my ehlers danlos syndrome is that i scar easily, and that the scarring is often abnormal and extensive. pretty much every open wound i have ever had has left a scar on me.

the biggest ones i can list: (tw for abuse mentioned, an allusion to self harm (im ok now))

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the discoloration on my right foot from stepping into a pot of boiling water when i was an infant

the gouge on my knee when i fell on it walking when i was 4

the eye shaped scar i have on my right hand from touching a lightbulb when i was 8 (idk what i expected lol)

the place where my bone chipped when i fell out of a tree house when i was 11/12

another gouge on the same knee from falling between the tumble track and the floor when i was 13

the four inch long and inch 1/2 wide flat keloid on my left arm that i have from the surgery to repair my broken arm from where they inserted a titanium plate and screws when i was 15 and the inch long keloid i have from where they tried to insert a rod instead (bone was too misshapen, they did surgery too late)

various scars that i dont wanna say where they came from, but im extremely mentally ill so u can probably guess

the keloid i have on my right arm from my mom biting me when i was 17

another burn mark on my right arm from dropping a glass jar of queso hot from the microwave (again, idk what i expected -_-)

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70. left or right handed?

left handed! but i can use my right for most thinks since my left never fully regained function. i still hold a needle and write with my left hand but everything else i can now do with my right!

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

i mean. i must've been six? i remember my mom kept all my baby teeth in a little unicorn resin jar. i wonder if she still has it 🤔

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

jewel tones!!!! i live for glamour 💕

85. fairy tales or mythology?

mythology!!!! love fairy tales, but theres just something about things people have Believed in. its so special to me. so sacred.

90. luckiest mistake?

something really scary happened last year and the police got involved. i was determined to not be at fault, but im so lucky that no one got hurt and that the person who could have blamed me was on my side and advocated for me 🥺💜

95. favorite app on your phone?

mmmm probably either Hellsite (affectionate) or picsart. i love picsart so much. MEME EDITING??? ON MY PHONE... immaculate

so sorry this got so heavy at points x.x

[doog20]

Madness, Atonement and Love

Content Warning: Yakuza 0 to LaD spoilers Content Warning: i jump between Yakuza 0 and 4 plot remember that there is a time difference between the events

Majima is the best way to explain yakuza, its very funny one minute, hahaha funny face man does break dancing as a fighting style, and the next moment he is face with the decision to either kill an innocent woman to get back to the world he has been dying to live in again or let her live and live a life of hiding and protecting her from those that set you out to kill here. Majima has so many layers, that are all centred around one core theme, his sworn brother Taiga Saejima or his kyoudai. Majima on his own is amazing but he gets better when he is whole...

Saejima is hands down one of my fav characters in yakuza, his arc throughout the games is just brilliant but i especially like his first game, at first you think he is a cold no nonsense killer convicted for killing 18 people making him a legend in the yakuza world (and they say yakuza is a silly game ahaha... they dont know shit) many years after the events of yakuza 0 Saejima breaks out with his new friend Hamazaki (who i may write a blog post later) once he is out Hamazaki is shot and we presume he is dead. now Saejima is on the run to look for his kyoudai for answers, he may have to kill majima or maybe he doesnt...

AAAAAA man Makoto is so interesting, a blind woman who falls for a Yakuza, a yakuza she doesnt know the name of. he is this mysterious protector figure who always looks out for here and the people around her to the best of his ability. to her she is not the yakuza with the tattoo on his back, instead he is him, simply a man she loves, she knows that he is a man that is there to protect her from something, something bigger than the both of them, a yakuza war over a bit of land... land that is owned by none other than Makimura Makoto.

Jumping back to Majima for a moment, his chemistry with Makoto (the woman he is meant to kill) is brilliant, at first i thought it was a protective fatherly thing, but slowly it became obvious it was a... ahem thing... yeah slowly he is falling in love while this woman has never seen his face or heard his name bc she was traumatised to the point of mental blindless. as they fall in love it becomes clearer and clearer that the lives they must live are very different. bc of the this and the fact that Makoto gets shot by the Tojo Clan for (yakuza 0 plot reasons) Majima goes fucking insane, instead of this calm and collected character we met in The Grand we get this fucking love sick man (heh reminded me of BlackPink but i digress) who just wants to avenge the only one who he truly loved (sorta yakuza 5)... and this is the birth of The Mad Dog of Shimano. man the scenes leading up to his break made me so angry i was fully for Majima going mad dog on the cunts, it felt so good beating the shit out of some of them in the finale and it felt bittersweet for some... man Awano, but thats a talk for another day.

Jumping back to Saejima, after breaking out he washes ashore of a small island nation by the name of Okinawa, fans of the series know this place as the home of Kiryu and his orphanage. soon someone stumbles upon Saejima and takes him in, the person is of course Haruka Sawamura (the daughter of Kiryu). Saejima regains his consciousness and chats for a bit with Haruka, but then ummm... yeah ummm... i dont really want to type out what happened next, so lets just say that Saejima hasnt seen a woman in a long time (jesus i hate this scene and i am not defending it i am just trying to put it as nicely as possible). soon, in comes Kiryu who very quickly sees what happened and and realises who Saejima is, bc who wouldnt, but as they get to talking Saejima makes up a fake name and Kiryu goes along with it. blah blah storyy Majima sadness

AAAAAAAANND they fight. Kiryu fights in yakuza games (where you fight against him) always put the fear of a thousand suns inside you, they are so good at making you be like "OH SHIT i know that move" and then "Oh god i dont know that move what the fuck Kiryu a fucking beast" the fight ends and Saejima "wins" bc before he can finish Kiryu off Haruka comes in and has to be the voice of logic and reason, all things that sissies worry about, and she stops the fight...

now skipping way way way ahead to going to meet Majima you go to see him fight his lackies and then he comes down from the stairs, and for a man that rarely ever emotes you can see how happy Saejima is even through his tough face. Majima and Saejima walk to the batting cages for their fight, they talk about why Saejima is there and what is going to happen, its clear Majima isnt gonna go down without kicking, bc in his mind it would be disrespectful to Saejima if he didnt give him a show, in any case, it could be Majima's last.

its so amazing doing this fight, bc its been built up since fucking yakuza 0 and when you do it you are just like "YEAAHHHH HIT HIM HARDER WOOOOOO" and when its over you are brought back to the earth and you have to think, at what cost? this reuniting scene is one of the best, its so sad and so exciting, all you can think leading up to it is how it went for Kiryu and Nishikiyama, its just very well done.

The 2 chat for a bit and Saejima asks about the eyepatch Majima explains why he didnt show when they where supposed to do the hit, the very same hit that landed Saejima in jail. the reason being he was taken hostage by one of the family heads, and he explains that bc he gave them such hell the only way to shut him up was to take one of his eyes, Saejima laughs, now its clear, the kyoudais are back together and stronger than ever.

it is very very clear to me that Saejima and Majima are 2 parts of a greater whole, there is no Majima without Saejima and there is not Saejima without Majima. its beautiful how the insanity of Majima and the stoicism of Saejima mix so well, i think its beautifully shown in the Yakuza LaD scene when they do their attack, that gif is just brilliant at showing how they compliment each other haha. (sorry couldnt find the gif)

Majima and Saejima show us some people are worth it and even if they are worth it, sometimes the best call is to let them go, i of course have to finish what i started. awhile after Majima takes out the Tojo Clan, he goes on a walk, finally free from everything... and he sees her, there she is happy and she looks him dead in the eye (NO THE PUNS TODAY AAAAAAA) and doesnt see him for the protector she once did when she was blind, now seeing him as a flashy yakuza with a tattoo on his back, Majima doesnt speak knowing she would recognise the voice. soon, a man who looks like her boyfriend comes and says "Hey is this man worrying you" and in one swift move Majima takes him and talk to him heart to heart, asking "do you love her" and "will you look after her", the boyfriend is very confused and a bit scared, after all a yakuza with one eye is grabbing him talking in a very scary tone. the man answers yes and Majima walks away into the crowd, Makoto trails him with her eyes until there is nothing to see and she goes on with her life....

to be continued... ->

yeah sometimes when you love someone so much, the only okay thing to do is to let them go bc you know you would only bring them more pain if you stayed together... in a way, it would be selfish, robbing them of a normal life. this is exactly how Majima at this point sees it, and i respect him for it, maybe in the future they will meet again, and maybe just MAYBE, they will finally get proper closure that they deserve, but until then i will say goodbye and thanks for taking time out of your life to read my stupid little essay

[flowerslightning]

Have you heard about PFA and MFA?

or the full name is ‘Psychological First Aid’ (PFA) and ‘Mental Health First Aid’ (MFA)

Can we relate it with Cloud Strife? As we all know, Cloud had mental illness and was struggling alone. Let’s take a quick look on this topic then and see if characters in FF7 ever give PFA/MFA to Cloud or to each other. This is going to be a looooong post although I tried to simplified it, so, yeah. Good luck reading this !

Disclaimer : I’m not a psychologist. I’m still a student and psych is not my major field. During my intern, other than we got exposed a lot about psychiatric disorders and ways to deal with them, we also got trained psychological first aid in emergency department. If it wasnt because of this quarantine, i would have finished my training in emergency field. There might be false interpretation here or there, forgive me for that and pls correct any mistake in this post

This will probably trigger LTD. Sorry, but I had to, Pls read this post with open mind. Keep in mind I like both Tifa and Aerith, i have no grudges agaisnt Barret, Vincent, Nanaki or Cid so I am not being bias with any of them. I forgot a lot of stuff in OG (I played it when I was really really small), so I will be using lots FF7R and AC references here (and a bit from OG, depends whatever I remember)

Good to go? Allow me to rant. Read it slowly and if u skip some of it, u’ll probably mislead my actual words, and u’ll be triggered af. Don’t come at me with madness if u dont read the whole post properly

What is PFA and MFA? Generally speaking, if Basic First Aid is about covering the wound to prevent further bleeding, then PFA (Psychological First Aid) and MFA (Mental Health First Aid) is like applying a bandage on ur mental to avoid u continue being distress. 

Usually, PFA is often associated with disaster event or terrorism, where large number of people got affected. Meanwhile, MFA focus in one person who is developing mental health prob or already in mental crisis due to certain traumas, such as vehicle accident, house burned and etc

 Pls note that, certain people NEED MFA while the others may NOT NEED it. It is important to respect their needs/wants. Some victims may refuse verbally but they ACTUALLY NEED it (CLOUD STRIFE) and maybe some victims look like they dont need it, but they want it, and its super fine to give it

PFA/MFA not only done by the professionals and it is not a professional counselling, although necessarily training is needed if u want to approach deeper in this field. PFA/MFA is also not a psychological ‘debriefing’ - in which MFA/PFA doesnt need to involve a detailed discussion of the trauma event with the victim, but instead, it is an alternative way to psychological debriefing that helps for long-term recovery. (unless if ure a pscyhiatrist, then u have to forget about MFA and ask detailed questions regarding the events to help the patient to recover)

MFA and PFA both almost the same, but I will mention more about MFA here.

MFA (Mental Health First Aid) is not just about comforting “Oh, are u alright. I’m sorry for what u’ve been through”, but it is also about assessing their needs and concerns, protecting them from harm, provide practical support and support them feeling able to help themselves and others.

The main key for these two term is RESPECT - respect victim’s dignity, respect both parties safety and respect victim’s rights to make decision. Even without the PFA, we should respect these three in whatever circumstance we are in. 

A lot of us honestly were born with natural skill of MFA bcause of our own empathy, instinct or experiences and some got trained professionally. Some of them already had MFA due to high common senses they have.  

Some of the Do’s and Dont’s when giving MFA include;

Do’s : 1. Be trustworthy | 2. Respect their decision | 3. Be aware of and set aside ur bias | 4. Make it clear to them u are available for help even they push u away | 5. Respect their privacy and personal space | 6. Do remain calm and soft when the person in distress | 7. Listen and don’t interrupt their talking | 8. Help in terms of basic needs | 9. Create connection the person with others | 10. Give hope to them | 11. Provide private place to talk about the event | 12. Respect their strenght | 13. Advice small necessary matters or give simple words of encouragement | 14. Acknowledge positive features of what victims have done

Dont’s : 1. Rush in whatever the thing theyre doing with u | 2. Be dismissive | 3. Make promises u know can’t keep | 3. Ask anything in return for helping them | 4. Exaggerate ur skills | 5. Force help on people, being pushy | 6. Pressure them to tell their story | 7. Judge that person | 8. Put the person in risk of harm as result of ur actions | 8. Force them to accept ur idea/Listening to ur rant | 9. Talk rough | 10. Being bias with the people | 11. Touching that person too much | 12. Talk with the person in negative terms | 13. Abandon the person’s feeling

To simplify, there are 3 ways for MFA to begin, and I will only talk about one of them, the one that is the hardest to do, that is when u notice someone looks distressed and ure concern about them, and leading u to approach them first without them noticing ur concern. [Am I putting the right words here?]

In Cloud’s case, who do u think the first noticed Cloud behaved oddly and went to help him first ? - yeah Tifa. U probably would say “OFC she went to help him, she met him first at the train station. That guy looked sick af, who wouldnt ask if he was alright. If Aerith/Yuffie/Jessie met him first, they would do the same”. Okay guys, that was not my point. 

Let’s focus one by one characters and see what Do’s and Dont’s MFA (Mental Health First Aid) they’ve done to Cloud and other charas. Keep in mind, none of them know what Cloud had gone through, but Cloud had showed some obvious sign he was unwell and only a few of them noticed that and took action for it. 

The symbol [X] means the Dont’s in MFA and ( ✔) means the Do’s in MFA.

Biggs Jessie Wedge -

I know there’s a thing about man helping man’s psychology and Jessie being flirty with a guy.They [X] thought Cloud was like how they saw Cloud. and they considered it as normal. They didnt see Cloud under distress so they dont have the need to concern his mental status. The good thing about them was, the three of them (✔) respect Cloud’s strenght, giving Cloud the confident to be in action. But, Jessie [X] had zero respect on Cloud’s personal space

I wanna highlight about Biggs. Biggs had an attitude of overthinking stuff, but it wasnt so bad that would cause him harm, he just cared too much about his friends. So I believe Biggs was the type that would notice immediately when his friend being strange and would give MFA (Mental Health First Aid) with his own instinct even without the person asking it.

During the Sector 7 Plate attack, where Biggs was severely injured, when Cloud said he was not a fan of kids and Biggs said Cloud had so much in common (in common of what? Cloud with the kids or Cloud with him?), Cloud gave him ‘a sad look’ and Biggs reached out his hand to Cloud’s head. Biggs (✔) remain calm and soft when dealing with Cloud’s feeling (who faced traumatic event but Biggs didnt know about it) on that moment despite his current physical status. And also he (✔) wished goodluck to Cloud, leading to prevention distress on Cloud

Marle -

Marle [X] judged Cloud for someone who had no skills, but she entrusted Cloud to take care of Tifa’s well being. Not knowing who Cloud was, Marle noticed Cloud looked glum, she (✔) offered her ear for Cloud to rant and knew right away he was not having enough sleep, then (✔) advising him to sleep more . Lol, she was [X] biased with Cloud and Tifa. Not her fault, she only knew Tifa’s story, not Cloud’s. After the Sector 7 plate fall, we saw her being the most active member to help with the remaining citizens there. Marle without a doubt had given the citizens there PFA (Psychological First Aid) , by helping them with their (✔) basic needs, (✔) create connections, (✔) put away bias, (✔) remain calm and soft. 

Barret Wallace -

Barret was the same like Biggs Jessie Wedge. I’m sure Barret thought Cloud was just fine. Barret saw Cloud as a mercenary with stinky attitude,[X] judging him like that causing Barret to gave him the same attitude too. But overall, he (✔) respected Cloud’s strength a lot

However, after the Sector 7 plate fall, Tifa and Barret were the one that hurt (mentally) the most, Tifa as usual locking her emotions, there we could see how Barret comforting Tifa by (✔) giving words of encouragement and proceed on (✔) hugging her to show his empathy. Barret also (✔) remain calm and soft spoken when talking to the survival victims of Sector 7 citizens. He also (✔) acknowledged what the citizens had done to survive

Vincent Valentine - 

Don’t be surprise Vincent was listed here. This guy here was like another version of Cloud but more mature. In addiction, they both kinda share the same pain. So, I personally think Vincent understands Cloud pretty well. In AC, where Cloud was mentally ill, Vincent saved Cloud from Kadaj and brothers and (✔) took him to safer place. That was a common thing to do. But let’s go deeper, Cloud never told him about himself, but Vincent already  (✔) aware of Cloud’s trouble with the geostigma stuff and Cloud’s current mental status. Vincent, (✔) calm and soft like always (✔) didnt hesitate to asked if all of these were just about ‘fighting’ and it made Cloud to ‘re-think’ further about his problem. He (✔) didnt pressure Cloud here, instead he was (✔) helping Cloud to understand the condition he was facing, and this lead Cloud to avoid distress.

Aerith Gainsborough -

I know Aerith was special. She was an important character and devs created her to be ‘loved’ by the fans so that her death would be tragic. Aerith did almost all the things that shouldnt be done when giving MFA to mentally ill person. Some of u may say “Duh, Aerith didnt know anything about Cloud thus she had no intentions of giving him MFA”. Yup, ure right. Aerith didnt know about Cloud’s mental status but so as all the other characters in the series. 

Aerith was [X] being pushy with Cloud, in lots of ways, from making him as a bodyguard for free to forcing him to wear a dress. She [X] forced Cloud to accept her idea about meeting Andrea, dance and gown. She also [X] forced Cloud to help picking the flowers. Aerith [X] didn’t let Cloud to have his own decision [X] neither giving him a chance to talk,  and [X] abandon his feelings (cough..uhm, Aerith resolution). She also had [X] no respect on Cloud’s personal space and [X] too much touching and leaning to him. Aerith also [X] put herself in danger and that worried Cloud.  She [X] looked down on Cloud in someways too

However, at the Sector 5 slum, where the hooded man appeared, Aerith noticed Cloud was having trouble with himself, she (✔) encouraged Cloud to keep himself together. Also, throughout the entire game, Aerith always remind the team to (✔) have hope in everything. Her positive vibrant attitude was what (✔) made everyone able to believe in themselves. She also (✔) ensure Marlene’s safety and protected her. She was able to (✔) remain soft and calm when approaching Marlene. Remember Betty? Aerith took her time to helped her out and she even (✔) respected the little girl’s strength, (✔)slow and steady when saving her and (✔)soft spoken

Tifa Lockhart -

Tifa met Cloud at the train station, saw him being ‘not-so-fine’ state despite Cloud claiming he was completely okay. Tifa didn’t know what Cloud had gone through and  she (✔) didn’t pressure him to talk about it. She even helped him to (✔) find a place to sleep even when Cloud never asked for it. Tifa unconsciously was the first person to give Cloud MFA without knowing what Cloud had faced previously. And Cloud, on that moment, he really needed a help. Tifa also (✔) stated that if Cloud need anything, she would help him with it

Tifa (✔) remain calm everytime Cloud had sudden headache, she didn’t leave him alone and (✔) didnt put any pressure on him by asking question. During the (✔) Alone At Last, they had privacy Tifa asked about what happened after he left Nibelheim. She (✔) listened and didnt interrupt him, (✔) neither pushing him to talk more. Moreover, Tifa (✔) put a distance with Cloud, dunno if she was the one who was being uncomfortable or she actually (✔) respect Cloud’s personal space and privacy. Tifa (✔) didn’t force him to stay at Midgar, she asked him and was glad Cloud would stay for a while. Tifa was no doubt (✔) respect all Cloud’s decisions too. Also, don’t forget, Tifa also helped Cloud to help (✔) make ‘close connection’ with the Avalanche members and people in Sector 7 slums. She also (✔) didn’t do much touching with Cloud (Well, I mean, she didnt touch him in clingy way)

In AC, Tifa (✔) encouraged Cloud to have hope for Geostigma and the family

Tifa did [X] put herself in danger by becoming Corneos bride participant and that gave Cloud trouble (but Tifa ensured him she would be fine on her own previously) And btw, in OG, I read about the fans questioning why Tifa [X] didnt tell Cloud the truth. I would like to argue this matter. TIFA IS A CHARACTER WITH REAL HUMAN FLAWS, she too had her own traumatic event and was not really sure of herself on what to do. However, considering what Tifa had done for him, Tifa had helped with Cloud’s psychology the most.

I know Cloud was putting up a font, and that made him to have condescending attitude, and people couldnt see what Cloud was hiding behind the the bravery face. However, all of us as fans acknowledged the pain Cloud was suffering in the entire FF7 story. Some of the characters like Tifa, Marle, Vincent, Biggs noticed it and they took actions for it, while others, I do personally thing, they were hurting the Real Cloud’s mentality more. 

Long story short, Tifa was the one who gave mental health support the most to Cloud, followed by Vincent (AC), Biggs and Marle. Aerith did the worst with Real Cloud's mentality + she then died, mking Cloud be more miserable,

However, Aerith actually had the best way to give MFA/PFA to children, but maybe the worst to Cloud. While Tifa gave the best MFA to Cloud which helped him to get himself together through out the entire time

Alright thats the end of my talk. Thank you for being with meee

[legion1993]

title: Rebellion

Pairing: dean x reader

abo 2020 sq: alpha challenging alpha

fluff 2020 sq: thunderstorm

word count (optional):

summery: not telling

created for @spnabobingo​ @spnfluffbingo​

normal… what was normal… what did you ever know about normal… you were an alpha, your pack already had an alpha one of you had to go… 

you and Dean had been friendly rivals from the get go, but when you presented as an alpha he didnt know what to think… 

you both had to grow into the roles, reach your 21st birthdays before the council of wolves would have you both fight for the rite of Alpha, where the looser would become an omega… no two alphas can co exist in one singular pack… 

you were one of those types of wolves whose breeding had not been thourally instilled… you had always been told that you would one day have to fight for the rite to lead the pack.

 to be the one that makes all the calls for every single decision that the pack needs to make. Dean and you were hanging out the night before this tragic event would take place…

 Dean: “when you presented as an alpha i was shocked… my friend was an alpha… the girl that i have a crush on is an alpha…”

 dean now realizing what he said was now looking at you with slight amounts of plotting anad seduction written clear cross his face. he didnt want this event to take place either… 

YN: “what if you claimed me? would they still make us battle for the alpha rite?” 

Dean: “i have no idea but why would you…” 

You now were kneeling in front of him, looking straight into his eyes as he smiled… 

YN: “cause im in love with you… i cant see myself being with any one else for the rest of my life… its you Dean its always been you…” 

Dean: “what makes you think they would be okay with any of that? i mean they always taught us to be fierce and reveered… but if we told them we were in love wouldnt that technically be grounds for execution…”

 YN: “i dont care i mean if you pin me and then wait for the 5th strike of thunder, i would technically be omega and then you just claim…. wait a second… what if you claimed me during the fight like we rebel… but this would have to be done between the 2nd and 5th lightning strikes…”

 Dean pulled you into his lap and smiled as he planted a soft and gentle kiss to your lips… the idea of rebellion during this most fantastic event would go down in history as the first alphas challenge to go through rebellion… 

 staying in that grove it was peaceful not to be around everyone else… the pack was getting a little annoying what with everyone getting stuff ready and betting on who woul win the event…

 quite frankly you and Dean were quite happy being together in that grove… that is till the sky darkened… when it darkened you both werent disturbed right away but then the council guard bursted through the clearing…

 they grbbed you and Dean seperating you both from eachother dragging you guys back to the arena where the event would soon take place… you and Dean fighting the guards began immediately trying to claw your way back to eachother… but they stuck you both in the cages beside one another leaving you both alone… 

YN: “dean…” 

Dean turned his attention to you and moved closer to your cage… 

Dean: “im so sorry about this YN… if we were smart we would have ran away from all of this… self exile type thing… we could have started a pack all our own and no one would have ben able to stop us…”

 Dean was now holding your hand as you were his through the cages you both plotted schemed and trying to make sure you were on the same wave length before the guards would come back and take you both into the arena and force this ceremony upon you both… 

YN: “as long as we stick to the plan we should be good.. the plan should work…” 

Dean: “YN, what if this rebellion thing doesnt work?”

 YN: “then you need to take the rite, become the alpha… knock me out and claim the alpha spot… you deserve it more than i do…” 

Dean: “i will ensure it doesnt come to that, if we stick to the plan we will reign forever together… i will claim and mate you during this shit show if i have too… just to prove a point…” 

You smiled blushing as you both continued to hold hands trying to stay calm that is till the guards actually came through the door… they once again pulled you both away from eachother…

 ~The hardest thing to do is to be forced to fight the one you know you are meant to be with…~ 

They dragged you both in electronic chains to the arena… they tossed you both into the opening and made their ways out of the arena… it began to thunder and rain, but you got up starring at Dean who could only stare at you with love reflecting in both of your eyes… 

Dean: “we wont do it…” 

YN: “we wont participate in your sick games…”

 Dean: “this council is blinded by the traditions of old.. if they took one moment if any of you took a good look at my relationship with YN anyone would see that we love eachother and have for years… today when we were in the grove, we almost mated… we wanted to.. but if none of you are gonna listen to reason right now then maybe this will change your minds…”

 You stood to your feet as Dean did the plan now fully in motion… the chains that bonded both of your hands fell to the floor. The crowd of people who obviously not listening to reason, had to witness this entire charade to ensure that no one ever questioned you guys judgement again…

 Dean: “you wanna be alpha i dont think so…” 

YN: “your the love of my life but the rite of alpha is my birthright…” 

Dean: “bring it on babe!” 

You lunged straight at him knocking him on his ass before you could fully vault over him and land he grabbed hold of your foot and swung you to the ground, you flipped over and for the next little bit it was counting the lightning strikes… 

One strike was when you became the pinner again… strike 2 was deans dominance, strike 3 was you then when strike 4 hit, dean had you pinned he switched positions so you were on your knees and he was standing… 

 Hjs hands turned to claws, his teeth to fangs his voice deepen to the deepest you had heard it in the longest time… 

Dean: “at last i am gonna be the only alpha in this god damn fucking pack…” 

Dean pulled your head to the side exposing your neck as he was about to intact the final part of the plan… but the council members watched this play out and had a few things of their own to say… 

Council member 1: “no…” 

Council member 2: “is he gonna do it?”

 Council leader: “guards get down there and stop them…before he claims her…” 

The guards got down there but it was too late for as soon as they entered, dean sunk his fangs into your neck and claimed you… the entire council was shocked, the leader was angry, the people who had raised both of you were shocked but happy for the 2 of you… 

The guards backed away careful not to get too close for they all knew that once your claimed the one who claimed you would go wild trying to protect you… Dean pulls back as the 5th bolt strike…

 he lets out a huge earth shattering roar… this made every single omega and beta in the entire arena submitted, your body became putty in Deans arms… you were conscious but you knew who your mate was.. 

 Dean shifted back to normal, scooped you into his arms and walked both of you out of the arena and into the medical area… laying you  a bed he goes to get the first aid kit. He comes back to sit behind you to patch you up… 

 Dean: “well rhe plan worked… or so it seems…” 

YN: “i feel strange my body is reacting to your touch more than it did before…" 

Dean: “I love you YN! Now shall we go walk through the streets back to search of a place that we may soon call our own…” 

You stretch slightly still feeling strange you nod getting up back on your feet. Dean held your hand, both of you walked out of the medical area, feeling the eyes of many upon your forms. 

 The council blocked the exit from the arena… you both were not sure what to do, but if they followed the laws no one could be able to hurt either of them… 

Council leader: “you both violated the event, the sacred rite set out in the laws of our forefathers, we are ashamed but since you both want to defy the laws i guess we have no choice… either you guys send yourselves into exile or by the laws of the forefathers and marry then consummate the marriage, it would be by that act of marriage that you both would not be shunned by the entire pack… the choice is yours but your families have wanted to see you both for a little bit now… go to them and make known of your decisions to us soon…” 

Dean and you stood tall and watched the guards and council members move away from the door allowing you both to exit. You both then head to find your families. Knowing that soon your decisions would come into the light…

your mom: “we are all on the same page about what happened at the arena, but we want you both to know that whatever decision you both…”

Dean: “we love eachother very much and i think i speak for both of us when i say that we just want to make a life together for ourselves, we only did what we did during the rite cause we thought the council would see reason…”

his mom: “we know that i know you both will be very happy together… we also have something that we hope will help… we recently purchased some land close by, there is a structure on the land, the deed is in your names. Your father's are already moving in some of your stuff, and they are just finishing the glossing on the bed frame, they also got a mattress and built a bunch more furniture its the perfect place combining what the both of you are. we are all very proud of the wonderful people you both have become and really proud of how you both stood up to the council. they are steamed but once they learn of your decision things will get easier i promise...”

You hold tight to Deans hands and smile slightly as you begin to speak...

YN: “mom and mom in law if i can call you that. can we level with you slightly? we want to get used to being bonded then decide for sure what we want to do... but we know one thing for sure we will not abandon the pack...”

Dean: “YN is the best part of me as i am of her... what she has said is as it shall be.. i assume that the council grilled you guys for information after the entire ordeal... look we know that we put you guys in quite the pickle... but right now we need you guys to not tell the council any of what we have spoken... we will head out now as dads have returned, im sure you both can have them understand why we didnt stay...”

Dean winks at your moms as they nod watching you and Dean get up from your seating and walking out the back door. the most difficult part of growing up is knowing when to leave home and start a new life with someone you love.

this is exactly what you and Dean were doing... this is exactly what was happening. as you and dean followed your moms carefully laid out instructions it led you both straight to the house that your parents had put so much work into...

Dean: “the outside structure is amazing! i can see what they mean by it is a unique combination of both of us... now after you my dear...”

the last concious thought of both your minds was walking through the door of the house, everything after that was a blurr... neither of you would remember till mornings light... but thats a story for another time...

[transrightsjimin]

im sorry im not rly in the BE hype atm :((

rant coming which has nothing to do w the album but everything w stress nd fatigue nd crying nd more job stress nd sensory overload and me turning everything into a worse issue in my head etc etc

i was this morning when i saw the mv nd watched the vlive but i obv slept way too few bc i went to bed late nd woke up early for the live and i had to rush a lot w errands nd an appointment w my autism coach nd at said appointment we called a dude from the municipality to inquire abt jobcoaches nd it turned out we misunderstood what jobcoaches are as they are who u get referred to when u have a job, nd the guy found it hard to figure out what type of trajectory(?) would best fit me for help nd now i have time to think abt it and will speak him again in 2 weeks or sooner if i want to. im just so tired nd a bit hungry and on edge and one sec, im in the side of the house tht faces kids playing around aka screeching as if theyre dying every second nd its majking me only more on edge!!!!

but urgh i cried so bad during the appointment and was prob way too rudde to her before the appointment, bc she talks loudly nd sounds rude nd confronting but just naturally bc ofher tone nd language nd urghgh h thikning abt jobs nd trying to talk nd not cry too hard when trying to explain stuff to the man over the phone was rly hard, like obv its fine if he knows im crying but its just hard to talk when crying nd im just so devastated thinking abt jobs!! i dont know what type of job i could handle nd it feels like im making everythig up bc i did somehow finish two studies in uni and im privileged enough w education and whiteness tobe more easily selected for a job by e.g. last name on my cv and i shouldnt be this picky but god i cant handle smth as physically demanding and underpaid as this, im tired 4/7 days that im not working nd what i earn in those 3 days is still not enough to cover rent bc they pay only for the delivery time itself instead of more hours!!! it just feels like wtf am i doing bc the municipality guy did admit im not the usual person he works w bc i had an education, as if i dont belong in the group but its really just an issue of having -100 confidence and no job experience!! like i rly dont strive for a fancy job or ‘’’career’’’, i just bneed something that i can pay my monthly expenses w and have a bit left to save up for e.g. emergencies, additional medical bills (like the 350 euros from the adhd diagnosis and therapy, which my autism coach will contact my adhd therapist abt, like if that bill can be delayed or split up in a payment plan), paying back for loan debt eventually and MAYBE soon god forbid i save up for smth fun. and i “need” the job also to have a daily activity and some structure in my life bc a large part of the reason my schedule is so fucked up is bc i have no more set time tht i need to be anywhere or any strictness or reason to get up nd so i just dont ghhh

im always looking for reasons why i cant do smth and why smth would go wrong and im already looking at every area where getting help w getting a job can go wrong like e.g. me being too stubborn abt companies i dont agree w or me thinking i cant do anything just bc i have not much working experience outside of mail delivery :(

nd then there was this A B C task list system my adhd therapist proposed in wihc i keep track of my most to least urgent + important tasks every day nd we werent sure where to keep track of that kind of list and she suggested sticking a paper to a wall (i think id rather use my wardrobe) to write it on and change or replace that every day and it sounds like a hassle but i rly need to do it every day, nd i can try other methods but thatd be either writing it on my phone but im not always on there nd theres not a type of file i can make that doesnt move back chronologically as i make new notes

ALSO im just very frustrated w myself bc my mom wanted to come over w food and i know she was too sudden w it but if only i left on time for the stores it wouldnt have been an issue. i feel like shes rly sad she couldnt come visit. fucking hell i rushed so much back and forth from the stores that i forgot to put the leftover letters from work yesterday into the outdoor mailbox and i already stress abt this bc my current teamcoach (aka manager) is more stricter w this stuff nd recently asked for a statement / explanation by me on why there were 29 letters w/o sticker from a route i did  counted from the collected mail that were in outdoor mailboxes, and i did not do that but my only alibi / reason for not making that huge mistake was that i hadnt posted any mail yet that day and obv he wasnt happy w that. i sometimes had dreams / nightmares recently where i was late again or fucked up w a new route and got fired for it and thats quite an awful scenario / fear to me bc thats exactly why my dad was fired by his previous employee, for being late too often nd we’re the exact same. it just sucks bc i know many ppl who worry abt being late arrive to early at shit bc lol anxiety but i still arrive late every day WHILE being stressed abt it nd my whole fucking issue is that i need to break w bad patterns MYSELF, like whether i get help for autism stuff or adhd or sleep or whatnot, the homework / assignments / tasks / advice they give me, in the end i still need to be the one to do it and push through and make a change or put more effort into not going continuously back to the same distractions or demotivating black-white thinking

just URGH im so easily annoyed nd sensitive, also as in sensitive on a tactile level nd it doesnt help tht my room is a mess nd im super stinky from bts BE excitement and from squeezing my skin a lot last night, nor does the fact that i have rly bad coordination / awareness of my surroundings nd continuously bumping into shit or getting caught on smth help, which is also another reason im just so slow at work bc if i try to walk or deliver mail faster i keep end up bruising nd tripping or tear my hands on all these hard to move or sharp mail box slots if im not careful nd slower, which does still happen but not as bad when im careful

im also rly dizzy rn from haing slept too few and just urgh i “need“ a stupid fucking job, i need the money i need the structure but my god does actual labour and having to deal w colleagues every day and trying to keep up w stuff and be fast and precise enough in whatever the job is, sound horrifying hhhgghgh

OK RANT OVER IM SICK OF ME TALKING SO MUCH

[fortunatelycooltrash]

So people love to say that America doesn’t have free healthcare because the quality would sink and the waits would go up. Now, while those are valid worries despite being no excuse for the atrociously high prices of even minior procedures, I’d like to share some bullshit that I’ve experienced involving normal US hospitals and medical branches alike.

My root canal is going to cost 2500 dollars because it is not covered by most dental plans despite it being a completely necessary procedure that directly affects my health. Absorb that then absorb the fact this plan covers some of braces. The crown alone is costing over 1200.

I almost died in a hospital waiting room because my ‘stomach ache’ that was causing me so much pain I was sick with it wasn’t severe enough to qualify for immediate attention. Undiagnosed Appendicitis.

My nephew and sister almost met their end because an incompetent doctor misdiagnosed my sister with a URI. She had type A flu.

My cousins father had a doctor who refused to diagnose him despite him coming back constantly because of lethargy. Said he couldn’t find anything wrong. Her father was poor and had really bad insurance. Finally he went to another doctor and was diagnosed with kidney cancer. He could have lived if he had been diagnosed a year or two prior before it spead but by the time he got his diagnosis, it was too late. He died, I believe, a few months later but I was young so he might have made it a year or longer.

I suffered from chronic nosebleeds as a child to the point that blood didn’t even scare me anymore. The doctor told my mother that it was coming from wounds inside my nose and I was most likely picking at it and there was nothing medically wrong with me. My mother, knowing even as a child I knew not to waste her money, took me to another doctor. Severe Anemia. Still suffer from it too this day. Have to take those horrid tasting red pills🤢.

My aunt constantly butchering her budget because she needs her insulin and it’s cost keeps getting higher despite it remaining relatively the same. Luckily my state is looking to cap it at 100 though if that will actually go into effect isn’t determined yet.

My mom, bless her, repeatedly going in for her back aching only to be told pain was normal for someone of her weight and age. Nope, she is a nurse and turned people that were 300 pounds or more. She had completely blown her back and had a pinched nerve that was so severe she could barely stand without pain. The doctor that diagnosed her was surprised she could even walk.

My sister, having a grand mal seizure in the nurses office of a high school. They told her to stop faking. That bitch wasn’t even a real nurse so this one doesn’t count but I had to mention this because why the fuck wasn’t a registered nurse hired?

My (other) aunt having minor chest pain then suffering a heart attack in the waiting room because they had her wait so long since she didn’t seem serious. I’m sure that’s going to have lasting damage that could have been easily prevented.

My sister giving birth and getting a 28,000 dollar bill for a room and care for her and the baby. She was there for a day and a half. She didn’t even have a long or complicated delivery.

My mother being told she was completely fine to continue working despite having an off feeling about her third pregnancy(about 24 years ago) the doctor told her there were no complications and she could go on as normal. She miscarried her seven month along daughter three days later because her placenta was underneath the baby and tore. That doctor is still in practice.

The nurses in my mothers delivery room ignoring both her and the monitor. Which, if they had been looking at, clearly desplayed my older brother with his umbilical core wrapped tight around his neck. He lived because my moms main doctor walked in and had a conniption fit when he noticed the vitals dropping. He’s the doc my sis uses now. A good man.

(Same bro)My older brother turning blue everytime he cried being brushed off. Hole in his heart that has since closed.

When I was younger, I slipped in the shower and hit my head so hard against the metal lining of it(stall shower) that the skin split open and abscessed. My doc treated the abscess but did no further testing after a 4 hour wait. As we were leaving, I don’t remember much of this week my mom told me, I vomited and passed out in the parking lot. Had a concussion.

My brother being misdiagnosed with the flu, strep, and a few other things over the course of a few weeks before one doctor finally tested him for HIV. It was positive. Luckily he only had one partner. Unluckily, the partner was the one that gave it to him via cheating on him.

Me, almost dying of a violent case of strep throat because they said I had a sinus infection. My fever peaked at 104 then, blessedly, broke. I do not remember this as the memories of the days I was sick are incredibly fever burned but I remember wrapping blankets around me because I was so cold.

The strep attacked so quick and harshly that if I had lived alone it probably would have killed me since I wouldn’t have been able to get help and I would’ve kept trying to get ‘warmer’ and helped raise my temp over 106. You typically don’t come back from that one unharmed. If at all.

My older bro(cord baby) being told suffering from auditory hallucinations was a common thing(not wrong but they should have actually asked about his family history and idk, did more??) he had undiagnosed bipolar disorder. He is medicated and much happier now.

Me breaking my gotdamn pointer knuckle and the x-ray person getting blurry x-rays that she used despite the fact that they weren’t accurate. Thank you bitch, now my abnormally short pointer finger clicks because it began to set wrong.

Theres a few more but I’m currently giving my bro a hard time for texting me a text meant for his bf so imma bounce for now. May add more later. The whole point to this was to show people that don’t want free health care because the ‘quality would go down’ or the ‘wait would be too long’ that the wait is already long enough for you to die anyway and the quality already sucks ass if you’re poor because they will not diagnose you correctly.

Or They will misdiagnose you then blame YOU when you sue(happened to my mom in that miscarriage one but because he hadn’t wrote a release back to work she had no actual proof he’d told her she could.)

Or They will overcharge you for things that have a far cheaper value simply because they can and you can’t do anything about it because you need that procedure or medicine to keep your health good.

I can understand things like heart surgery or transplants, you know, the big major stuff not being free because yeah that shit takes a fuck ton of resources and care so I get it, I do. I can reasonably say “Yup that should cost thousands.” I mean, I’m don’t even avocate for fully FREE healthcare, I just want a limit on their overpricing bull shit to where it matches with economic standards.

You can’t expect someone with an average 7-4 job that pays 10/hr(oooh ya, y’all think I’d go higher? Guess what, young people starting out their careers also get sick!) to drop thousands upon thousands of dollars for whatever. The sad thing is I can say ‘whatever’ and you can actually think of multiple things that aren’t that major or that resource draining yet still cost thousands.

Even someone making 15/hour couldn’t do that and I’d be hard pressed to say even 20-25/hr could do that. They may have it better and be able to pay it off faster but they’d still be in debt for a while or have to work years after their planned retirement to make up for the lost savings if they were lucky enough to have them.

I’ve also heard people complaining about it raising taxes but you’ll spend way more getting something done at a hospital then you’d spend on those taxes in a year.

Besides, if you’re so pissed about taxes then to even it out protest the stupid taxes. Your house? Taxed. Your inheritance that you gain but also leave behind to care for your family? Taxed. Your property that you bought 100% full price paid? Taxed every year. Your car? Taxed.

How bout getting pissed about those instead of getting pissy about people getting their health fixed? There are plenty of ridiculous taxes so I don’t know why people are so against having one that actually helps people.

Sorry for this rant, I know it’s not centered around my profile theme but I am majorly pissed off that I’m about to have to let a tooth rot out of my head because my insurance decided that: covering something cosmetic like braces? Yeah! Covering a completely necessary surgery that can actually harm/kill the person via infection if left untreated? Nope, that costs us more!

I can’t drop two fucking grand on dental surgery. It’s just not happening. I don’t know anyone who can do that shit. Anyone who gets pissed off about me posting this: go slam a hammer against your tooth until it cracks down the middle, exposing your nerve to the harsh unforgiving world then let it develop a cavity around it.

Afterwards, try to eat literally anything: hot, cold, hard, soft, it doesn’t matter. You’ll cry, I promise. Now imagine being told the only way to fix that is to cough up over two grand and if you can’t well then oh fucking well? Kinda hurts ya a bit. Not nearly as much as the tooth but still.

Hell, I know dental probably wouldnt even get covered if they made healthcare reduced or free but this whole situation has reminded me just how fucked you are if you get anything remotely wrong with you in the U.S

[imacrowcawcaw]

1, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 13, 15, 17, 20, 23, 29, 38 😘❤️ Hope you’re having a wonderful day!

Hi mimi thank you so much for all the questions!!! This is gonna be really long lol - also, sorry it took a while, Tumblr kept glitching and erasing EVERYTHING

1. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them? Oh my god SO MANY! I have roughly 50 works in progress, and so many more ideas running through my head - I just haven't had the energy or the time lately to actually work on them. One that keeps coming back to me is Sam and Danny chilling in bed on a lazy Saturday, after a sleepover, and Sam announces that if they had sex, it would be the best either of them ever experienced. They debate for a while, and of course end up getting it on... it'll happen someday.

4. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic. There's a lot of fluff and heartfeltwords; I try to keep it lighthearted too, though, and throw in what I hope is some funny stuff; smut of course, or at least some kissing; metaphors and figurative language galore. I feel like I'm still very much trying to find my voice and my style, so I think my fics differ a lot in their styles, but there are things that I generally like.

5. Share one of your strengths. Hmm, I was going to say that I know how grammar works (that feels rude but- ) actually I'm going to say that I always turn out things that I really enjoy. That may be more of a personal strength - i.e. it only matter to me - but if I post something I am satisfied (enough) with it. I like my work! I write what I want, even with requests, and I put my all into my writing because I want it to be such good quality that it would make me squeal if I came across it.

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

"Dude, that's disgusting."

Danny just smiled at Josh, showing off a rather gross mouthful of mangled food, and kept eating his pineapple pizza.

"Seriously, pineapple doesn't belong on pizza. Can't you just eat regular toppings like the rest of us?"

Danny shook his head and swallowed. "Nuh-uh, I can't. I'm not like the rest of you."

"Hmm, you know, you're right: you're not like the rest of us. It's way hotter in the Wagner corner." Josh looked at him coyly, licking BBQ sauce from his chicken wings off of his fingertips.

Danny froze and Josh laughed, using a napkin to scrub away the rest of the sauce and continuing to messily eat his 'regular' pizza. Danny shook his head, closing the lid of his box to save the rest for later.

Idk if anyone other than @satans-helper would be interested in Josh and Danny (like, together, or at least flirting) but.... I thought this was good. It was fun to write - still not anywhere near done, though - and I think it captures them pretty well. I think dialogue is good when the characters speak for themselves, literally, without having to rely completely on prose to give it meaning.

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

"The bass pumped through Sam in the same rhythm as his cannabis-speckled blood, sludgey warmth crawling in his veins as he took a second hit of the blunt being passed around. Hidden away from the eyes of management constantly trying to tighten the reins, as if they weren't rock stars in - or perhaps even before - their prime, he let the dark corner he and a few new acquaintances occupied be his cover from an eventual scolding."

Let this be a little teaser for the Collab Zara and I are doing (!!!) lol. I think it's some of my best writing; lyrical but not too long as I'm learning how to do it right, offering information with every little part, setting the scene in a concise but not info-dump way, some bit of irony and humor.

9. Which fic has been the hardest to write? Ohhh man, well there have definitely been MANY that I've gotten stuck on for months, if not over a year -- but, the finished fic that was hardest was probably "Forever", to be totally honest. I think it turned t out very well, but I revised over and over and over, and scrapped a very large portion of it. I know what I wanted, but it wasn't coming for a very long time.

10. Which fic has been the easiest to write? "Blood Brothers". It just flowed so well, I sat and types furiously in my phone for a good 3 hours without stopping, and it was born.

13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across? There's quite a few pieces that I always think of: write what you want to read, adjectives and adverbs slow the pace (learned this recently and it's very handy), sometimes straight-forward is best, don't be afraid to scrap things and start over.

15. If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose? Oh man, that's a hard choice. I think that "Eyes of Juniper" (metallica fic, not finished 😔) would actually be the best choice, because it's funny, I would love to see the guys in the 80s, and, while it deals with bodies/nudity/sexuality it wouldn't be a straight up porn film lol.

17. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order? A mix of both, I think it just depends on how my ideas are flowing. If I'm really on a roll and know I won't be interrupted, then I'll just write it chronologically. But, if I have a small idea, or I know how I want to end but dont know how to begin, then I'll just start writing something. I'm always afraid I'll forget what I want if I don't write it down, so I work on what I'm able to and fill in the rest later.

20. Describe your perfect writing conditions. Well, I usually end up doing the most of my writing hunched over sitting on me bed in the dark and furiously typing on my phone lmao. I would love to get a laptop and a dedicated space, but it's just not gonna happen rn. So, I'll go with dark, undisturbed, comfortable

23. If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why? there are quite a few that I can look back at and be like noooo what was I doing. I think, though, one that could be really really amazing if revised would be "Black Dog", a guns n roses fic I wrote. It was good, but one of my firsts. My style has improved, and I think I could just make it a lot better, and the dialogue at the end could be a lot more clear and realistic sounding

29. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose? Oh mannnn there are so many fics that have made me want to somehow write/find more, I'll go with "Angel of Apple Valley" (pairing: Duzzy fandom: gnr, on rockfic, I cant find it rn though sorry). It was so amazing and I still think about it. I don't think I could do anywhere near justice to the original, so of course I wouldnt actually, but I just really want more

38. Talk about a review that made your day. Ohhh ok pretty much every review makes me suoer hapoy, but the lovely helena_s_renn left me a comment on Ch. 4 of "Skin on Skin, Hearts Laid Bare" and it nearly made me cry

"Girl, I think you've discovered your voice. This has an intensity beyond any of your other work that I've read thus far (not saying the previous isn't good - it is!!). I was glued to my phone by the eyes, didn't want it to end, and yet it did in what seemed like 5 seconds. Danny's acceptance of Sam's physical needs without asking anything more of him than "just sleep with me" is love. On that subject, I think you've thrown more words at the wellspring of Sanny Love from Sam's perspective than one would have thought possible, and they all ring true."

Like, holy shit thanks?!?! Lol. But really, I've been seriously trying to find my style, and to hear this from one of the writers I respect the most was huge. I felt like a favorite teacher was giving me a hug and telling me i did good!!!

[rockingbrooklyn]

The Kings of Paradise(KOP) Guys in Bed(NSFW)

So I finally decided to complete this one after weeks of putting it on hold.

Taki:

Probably the kinkiest of all the guys. Kink level- 16/10. Surpasses Yosuke.

His biggest kink is being called 'Sir', 'Mr. Kozaki' and 'Master'. He loves authority.

Loves spanking and choking down to the last T. RIP MC's ass and throat lmao. It can be said that he slightly is the BDSM-type.

Can be crazy passionate, lovey-dovey and horrendously kinky, all in one single session.

Biggest turn ons- MC taking charge, MC talking dirty. The first time MC took charge, he was so surprised he became a puppy for 10 whole minutes. And then a wolf for the rest of the night lol.

Prefers dominance. He wants to possess his MC in every sense of the word.

On his Birthday, MC gifted him a new tie and a bracelet along with a handmade greeting-card. He thought it was the best gift, until he entered their bedroom only to find a pair of handcuffs, a blindfold, 6 different types of vibrators, 4 dildos, and a cock ring, along with MC herself, waiting in his favourite lingerie. Let's say that his love for MC rose (along with a few other things) 100×.

He's a goddam PRO at talking dirty. He frames the dirtiest phrases of all times. The things he says has MC blushing for days.

He moans only when the sensations become too much for him, otherwise, he's more of a grunter.

Hates anal. Nope. That hole ain't for fucking.

His favourite place to have sex is the Jacuzzi in his condo.

Often just uses his ring finger for pleasuring MC. Yup, don't imagine that.

His biggest fantasy of all times was taking MC on his desk; which he did as soon as they started dating.

There wasn't a single time in 10 long years when he didn't think of MC while jacking off. He literally had a mental bucket list of the nasty things he'd do to MC once they got together. NO MC, HE WASN'T AT ALL INNOCENT IN GRADE 11TH.

Isn't a risk-taker. He hates the thought of anyone seeing his MC in a vulnerable position. She is for his eyes only.

Had a fucking-spree with MC in his office cabin, 15 minutes before an important meeting. His Board of Directors did think he seemed a bit out-of-breath, flushed and unruly for the meeting, but let it go nonetheless. They had no clue.

Dating women for fun, and one-night-stands have never been his thing. He has always treasured MC and he has his own kinky ways to show her that.

It honestly isn't a surprise that they've done it in front of Sydney far too many times. She's scandalized by it. Poor Sydney. She deserves some peace and a pair of noise-cancelling headphones.

Yosuke:

Kink level-10/10. Definitely not as kinky as Taki; although he thinks he's the God. If only he knew.....

Biggest kinks- Blindfolds, hands-down. He also likes it when MC rides him.

Doesn't like choking, spanking or anything that involves a chance of hurting MC physically.

LOVES giving MC hickeys and ABSOLUTELY LOVES receiving them. He never tries to cover them up, and that frankly annoys Kiyohito because goddamit it's indecent.

He loves getting a rise out of Taki, and guilt tripping him by continually showing how sexed-up he and MC are. He wants to show Taki what he's missed out on.

Hates, absolutely hates the thought of MC's past with Taki, so he naturally tries very hard to keep MC happy and satisfied. Yup, our boy here is super-insecure. And super horny too.

Jacks off an unholy amount of times each day whenever MC is too tired or too busy.

He has a box of tissues at every possible place in his condo, where he might jack off. MC is always suspicious of this habit of his.

He makes dirty-talk sound like a goddamn poem, so graceful yet so fucking lewd, it makes MC weak in her knees.

His pace is anywhere between animalistic and passionate; that depends on their mood for the day.

His favourite place to make love is ANYWHERE frikkin. He wouldnt mind doing it on his huge TV-set or even his sound-system really, if that were feasible.

He and MC once got frisky in Kiyo's room. Both giggle a lot about it whenever they visit his condo, and he is significantly creeped out by that. Let's hope he never finds out what they did to his bedsheets.

He is the risk-taker of the group. Gets it on in places noone even imagined or dared. For example: inside Shun's closet. Never ever ever give your room-keys to this guy, for he WILL DEFINITELY misuse them.

His biggest turn on- creampie-ing MC. He's always used protection with his previous one night stands, and he continued the same with MC. But when he once missed out on it, and saw the mess he'd made, his obsession for creampies grew fast af. Now he can't go without them.

Kiyohito:

Surprisingly kinky, although his stoic face refuses to disclose that. Kink level- 7/10.

He isn't much experienced. The only girl he'd ever had was his horrible ex-girlfriend, and that ended before he had a chance to figure things out. He straight up did not know what his kink was; but when MC once accidentally called him Daddy during one of their fuck sessions, he LOST IT. It has been his all time favourite since then.

He isn't a BDSM fan, but a little spanking and choking never hurt.

Loves giving and receiving hickeys. Spends atleast 30 minutes every morning trying to conceal the visible ones on him because he doesn't want to let the others know what kind of barbarians they are.

His favourite position is Missionary, mainly because he hadn't tried out anything else before. But he and MC sure like to experiment a lot so he's much enlightened now lmao.

Was hesitant the first time MC initiated a blowjob, but seeing her swallow up his mess- that was the hottest thing he'd ever witnessed.

His pace is more on the passionate side, but even a slight bit of jealousy makes him rough and relentless.

His biggest turn on is MC herself. To him, she's perfection, and he will make sure to show her how much he appreciates her. He loves it when she dresses up sexily for him.

He was never a risk-taker, but once he had gotten MC to walk the ramp for a new Lingerie line, and seeing her look so freaking hot, got him riled up pretty quick. They thus had a frenzied makeout session in the dressing room at the back, where anybody could easily have caught them.

There was a time when they made out in the swimming pool at Pandora, at 3:15 am. To his utter horror, he remembered that the place had security cameras, so he spent the rest of the night trying to clear out their footage.

MC is none-the-wiser to the fact that Kiyo has kept the footage of their late night swimming-pool-rendez-vous in his laptop, and that's his all time favourite porn video. He makes sure she never finds that out though.

Shun:

Kinkier than Kiyo, but less than Yosuke and Taki. Kink level- 9/10.

He is thoroughly experienced, having been with several women before MC, so he knows what he's doing.

His biggest kink is watching MC pleasure herself. He had no clue she did that until he caught her on their couch, and since then, mutual masturbation has been their daily ritual. He also loves it when MC dresses up in sexy lingerie/gowns/dresses/hot pants/ practically everything lmao

He finds choking and spanking very unappealing. Rough sex is a different thing, but inflicting pain on MC is unacceptable to him.

His tongue has HEAVENLY capabilities. He makes sure to show MC his prowess every single time.

He and MC are very much into sexting, so he has an entire album dedicated to nudes, in his phone saved under the ironic title 'Holy Anecdotes'

He is not at all a risk taker, and restricts their sexual encounters to his condo. His favourite place is their bed, where MC can be comfortable.

On a very rare day, they were heavily making out on the couch at Pandora, and they caught Taki and Yosuke staring at them. The first thing that came out of Shun's mouth was "I knew Yosuke was into voyeurism, but you too Taki?" Noone had ever seen Taki flush that way, and he never left his room for the rest of the day. Shun's words make MC laugh till date. (Thank fuck it wasn't Kiyo)

Dirty talking is his hobby. He is constantly giving MC indecent sexual innuendos, which ofcourse goes unnoticed by everyone, but Yosuke. He only smirks in return.

He exudes sensuality every time they make love, and he always takes his sweet time to savour every bit of MC. Before anything else, he loves her and he makes sure she understands that.

Their lovemaking is intensely passionate and it often leaves both of them sore and whining.

On their first anniversary, MC slipped Viagra into his food, and I swear he lost every bit of control that was left. She will certainly never forget that day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~☆~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Link to Masterpost

[and-i-uh]

6? 22? Any other number you wanted to answer?

6- i dont have any stim toys, ive never really delved into that stuff, i was never really given the chance to explore stuff that would help me out with stimming and such. I also dont think i would like stim toys? Maybe i just have to try some but idk.

22- idk any specific songs i stim to. But ive stimmed while listening to mcr, and honestly i just stim to alot of the general songs i listen to. I really like singing along, i think thats a stim of mine, and some songs just listening to them is like stimming (anything with drums and/or guitars)

2- i like blankets a lot. Even if im hot and dont really need one, ill subconsciously grab the blanket on the couch and put it on my lap, and on my bed. There was one day i grabbed a pocket-sized beanie baby and put itin my hoodie pocket, and just knowing it was there made me happy. Also when i was with my friends one of them stuck their hands in my pocket and i panicked and like moved it out of their reach bc i was scared to get made fun of lol, it ended up being fine. I sleep with stuffed animals a lot. I think thats it

3- my school experiences were,,, not fun at all. Theres a lot to unpack there. My schools all had this thing called a “504 plan” or whatever. And it’s supposed to help people with certain disorders/disabilities. Mine only acknowledged my adhd as far as i know. Maybe my anxiety too. Some of the things that were supposed to ‘help’ were moving me to the front of the room, i got extended time to complete stuff (supposedly), extended time on certain tests (which i only saw on the act, literally i got no other extended time to do anything else. And after i got extended time on the act my scores shot up. Imagine the potential if i was given my actual extended time shit) and the meetings were hell. They started to have meetings with me in middle school, sixth grade i think. Having an administrator there, and my parents, and at least one teacher was terrifying to me. I think i cried every meeting. Honestly it felt like an interrogation to me, esp with all the damn eye contact and shit. My dad asked me if i wanted to continue it this year and i was immediately like fuck no nuh uh not happening. And whether or not I actually needed to be in the front of the room depended on the class, teacher, the people in there, but a lot of the time i would just be moved to the front and i would hate it. In eighth grade my math teacher moved me from the back of the room (a favorite seat in that class) to the front of the room in the middle of class for like a week. It was honestly humiliating and the only time i was eventually able to express my opinion on the 504 shit. Actually my freshman math teacher did that too. Ahaha moving on now before this gets too long.

4/5- three negative and positive things about being autistic.

Pros-

(1) i dont really have a chance to not have a hobby. Ive always got an interest to keep me entertained and i like that.

(2) stimming is nice, i like it, im not afraid to let myself stim. Makes me feel better.

(3) im unique and shit. I have a different pov than other people and that allows me to have different ways of thinking. I think outside the box ig. I also have this weird version of confidence and objectivity that I appreciate in myself

Cons-

(1) its hard to feel like i belong somewhere, bc im so different. Im getting better at it but im not good at getting close to people.

(2) i also like,, dont have certain permanence? Like object permanence? A lot of the time i dont really miss things/people unless im somewhere that reminds me of them. Idk if it’s negative really but its something,, even a spin, like bts, i dont really miss them that much until i do. Theyre still very important to me but yeah

(3) people dont really get me the same way other people get other people. And its hard for me to explain it to people. And theres certain people i get more than others. Its weird.

7- people need to give autistics a chance to be heard. Apply the accommodations you “give” them. Dont put them in the spotlight and give them space when needed. We are what you might call “picky” too. Eating, learning, socializing, we have our own things we need to be able to do shit. Learn them. Let us stim. Encourage us to learn about ourselves and remind us that youre there for us. But dont try to help us unless we ask or we actually need help. Dont trigger meltdowns on purpose, stop using the r word even in passing like its not a big deal. Be more than aware of us, accept us, appreciate us. Dont be a bystander.

8- i dont have much experience with meltdowns? I think? If i have i didnt have chances to recover. I had to go back to class or something. Idk how to recognize them in me either.

10- showering. Thats a big thing that even though i kinda need i forget to do. Except during school. I had a whole routine in the morning and i was super punctual. If i didnt shower i would be late, miss the bus, forget something.

12- meat. The way it feels. Disgusting. How do people eat it and not feel like dying? Same with lettuce. Spinach is fine but every time i try to eat lettuce I almost throw up. Bell peppers, pickles, vinegar, mayo, eggs usually, cheese sometimes. Just off the top of my head. One time i tried putting lettuce on my burger, was feeling adventurous, and after biting down i had to just take the lettuce off. Another time, my stepmom (newly married to my dad) made slads for us, and i was skeptical. There was white stuff all over the salad and she wouldnt tell me what it was. I tried eating a little carrot stick thing and almost vomited. Thats when she learned I cannot eat mayo. Even if idk that its mayo i still cant fuckin eat it. She forced me to eat bell peppers one time. Didnt go well at all. At all.

(Not gonna do the spin one bc ive already talked about them and if i do again itll be too long)

15- yes! I only do big stuff(?)(like yelling n shit) when im completely alone. Like if im home alone. Bc i get so loud. Sometimes ill hum in my room or sing to myself in my room though. Its so fun. As for phrases i repeat, ill repeat anything i find interesting. In a movie or song, or even something a friend said. One time my mom said the phrase “tough titty said the kitty but the milks still good” and i went around the kitchen repeating it until she got annoyed. Also sometimes something in the room will have a constant sound and ill like think a phrase to that sound repeatedly. Idk how to explain it lol. Idk if thats echolalia either

16- rocks. Typical i know, collecting rocks. But i just cant help it. I see a rock i like, i pick it up, take it home. I used to collect sticks. And when i was in elementary school, i used to pick shit up off the playground. Beer bottle caps was a favorite. Apparently the school called my mom about it bc they found my stash and thought it was from home and my parents were drinking excessively. 😬 oops

18- introverted?

19- kinda depends. Idk. I really cant tell wow. I would probably say hypersensitive. Just cause i have a ton of sensory issues and a lot of stuff bothers me. Like types of clothes. And how things are resting on my body. Yeah i guess i am hypersensitive.

20- i used to struggle with self love a lot. And sometimes i still kinda do. But in the past few years ive really started appreciating myself and trying to learn a lot about myself. Its going well id say.

21- empathy. Hmm. I think im very empathetic, actually. I can always tell when someone is feeling uncomfortable in a situation. And when i should tell people to back off of them if they wont say it themselves. And im very uncomfortable when theres secondhand embarrassment. And bullying, in something im watching or reading. Yknow, I actually cant watch mean girls. I just. I tried, i had to walk away bc I couldn’t take it. It also kinda triggers me so theres that. Bc of the bullying. But yeah im very empathetic. Otherwise socially im not good at that.

23- nope. Ive got like no support system other than tumblr and online friends. Apparently my dad refused to acknowledge im autistic and hes my favorite parent. Thats his big flaw though. And if i “came out” to him and said it myself he would probably come around. I know hes not completely nt either. My Opa has ocd, so nuerodiversity runs in the family ig.

While making this i got distracted and went on insta for like an hour oops lol

24- steampunk cosplay? Or college dorm tips? The steampunk one was freshman year, and the college dorm one was fifth grade. It lasted well into sixth grade and seventh grade.

[thoughtfulpaperback]

SPOILERS!!!

Charmed 02x02 Review

Y'all part of me just can't. Like the excitement and energy over this last episode is too much to keep inside. I am super ready to burst and super excited for episode 3. But I am just gonna say that overall I thought this episode was superb 8/10 only because I am saving my 9 and 10. But if I could I'd give it a 9 out of ten. There was only like a couple things I was nitpicky about and it's pretty standard tv logic stuff that most people overlook so dont come at me for it. So I am just gonna start like I always do except I cant just pick 3 likes and dislikes so I am just gonna list my likes some of the nitpicks and then some episode highlights.

SPOILERS AHEAD

Things I liked:

1. Hacy development

So no secret I am a hacy fan and I pretty much love any hacy content the show will give us but I really thought the show did so well this episode.

Originally, I thought the show was going to explore Macy's feelings through Dark!Harry, and in a way they have revealed them using Dark!Harry (Season 1 ended with us not sure if Macy felt anything for Harry, but knowing he had some feelings for her). I was worried there may be less hacy moments because they would keep most of the interaction between Dark!Harry and Macy. Even had me scared that Macy may be falling for Dark!Harry and not Harry proper. But no, they gave us Genuine Hacy.

The awkwardness of the interactions after the dream. That car ride was hilarious with the map and the radio (harry is still super at comedic relief in club and in car)

Harry's concern over having done something wrong

The looks when checking each other out.

Making each other laugh and encouraging each other.

Harry trying to save that witch and Macy being concerned by what it would

"I know Harry"

I mean it wasn't just tension. There was some fluff thrown in. Harry telling her to celebrate the victories and looking at her proudly. Which brings me to item 2.

2) I love what rupert does with his eyes between the two Harrys. Real harry (as macy put it) is so harmless looking. Those puppy eyes are adorable and rupert makes sure to have then turned up all the way when being real harry.

The only time Dark!harry makes soft eyes (well sort of) is the first time we see him with Macy, the initial moment in episode 1, and then when Maggie goes for a hug in this episode. He is just so taken off guard by the affection that his pretending-to-be-Harry-face slips and his eyes kind of go wide and they arent so narrowed and focused. Which makes me think he has not been hugged often or at all . . . That's sad. Then the switch when Maggie backs away. The eyes narrow again and he gets all mean. Just love that rupert can do things like that to give both characters distinctive enough feels that you can tell that dark!harry is acting.

3) Mel and Maggie bonding

So I really do hope that we get some Macy and Mel bonding, but I am happy anytime the show can deepen the bonds between the sisters. Maggie and Mel have a bit of a complicated relationship even though they grew up together. I mean especially from this episode we see and remember that Mel was the big sister for most of her life. She protected Maggie and seems to have acted like a second parent. It is sad that there dad really just turned out to be a bad dad. No reason behind it no, issues with Marisol other than apparently the ones he created on his own (which I will get into on my nitpicks). The fact this was just a loss for Maggie, and not just a loss as in she was the only one to feel something when Ray died but a loss of memories she thought she had and an idea of who her dad (a piece of her past), was sad but it actually gave us further insight into mel and Maggie's dynamics. First season we knew the rift between mel and Maggie was over Mel's obsession with and Mel's expectations of how Maggie should have acted and behaved. I think a lot of us chalked it up to Mel being controlling and having the oldest child attitude, but I think now we see there is more there. Mel seems to have spent a lot of time protecting Maggie and biting her tongue about certain aspects of thier lives and in a sense making sacrifices for her. So it makes sense she would expect the same from Maggie, but at the same time Maggie didnt know, and even if she did thise were Mel's choices and Maggie doesnt owe her anything for them.

Knowing that we can see how it is so easy for riffs to form between them which make the start of this season make more sense to me. Because Maggie wants to live her life and is a trusting and positive person. Mel expects a certain level of loyalty and commitment and has a different idea of what that looks like compared to Maggie. On top of there general personality differences it makes sense they all that would culminate into a rocky relationship prone to communication difficulties and tifs. But I love that they are starting to acknowledge those things and rebuild. Last season it was them just getting over feeling abandoned by each other after the death of Marisol. This exposed deeper roots of the initial rift. I liked that.

4) I love that the Maggie and Mel still have Magic and even though though the active powers are gone they arent defenseless. They just need to be resourceful. I actually like this a lot and I feel gives the writers a lot of room to play with creative ways for the ladies to save other witches.

5) demon lore!!!! Okay so while season 1 seems mostly thrown out the lore actually explains season 1 demons better.

One of the issues I had was that there did not seem to be a synchronized front with the demons and they never explained why even though Alistair claimed to be a hotshot the only people he had working for him was his family.

In the OG in first season before lore got expanded) demons and witches werent organized. Demons sort of acted on thier own for thier own purposes and witches seem mostly solitary except for occasional get togethers on important events. Later on in the series demons got an organization system (triad) then later one ruler (the source of all evil). Witches seem mostly solitary except for now the elders who assigned white lighters watched over them and placed rules on magic. I dont think people really remember the drastic shift in lore and the plot holes OG had because we generally liked the places it was going. So I am kinda on that page fro the reboot.

It flipped the script. Witches are or were the organized bunch both self ruling and ruling over the magical community. Demons were at war with each other and all had different agendas so makes sense that the Caines were mostly on thier own.

I like this idea of there being different general types of demons and a hierarchy. I do wonder if that will limit then in the long run, but assuming they can be creative with the categories they have defined I am not too worried. I am excited to get more info on demons now.

6) the new love interests. I love Mel's new love interest. So different from Mel and her previous love interests. I reserve judgment until we get more interaction but I am liking her so far. Jordan is interesting I am actually liking the build up of thier relationship and will be nice to see maggie start off slow and make friends with him first. I wasnt a huge parkerita fan but I did not dislike the ship. But one of my general blehs is love at first site between teens. The way parker and Maggie began was just off putting to me but they were nice together when they were together honestly. This will be a good venture into perhaps an adult relationship or at least on that doesnt begin with as much drama. That said she is dead and will have to hide her identity from him soo....

Now on to the nitpicks:

1) Ray's characterization.

Okay so I dont mind that Ray turned out to be just a crap dad. It happens. But there are things we know that Ray probably didnt that makes us wonder why marisol even got with him and married him.

A) we know Marisol continued an affair throughout her marriage to Ray. Even assuming Ray was just a crap husband and father, why did marisol get with him and marry him if he was so good at alienating everyone he met. I wouldnt think he was just a one night stand that Marisol decided she would have to marry after getting pregnant. I would think she would be above that.

B) did he even know about magic. Was his whole relationship and life with Marisol and the girls just based on secrets, ignorance, and not being around?

I mean for B it is fine if it was I just would like to know for sure what it was versus just guessing. But I assume like Maggie I am just gonna have to move on from this

2) the house lights and the job application.

Okay how does the house have power and and water without the city noticing? How can maggie apply for a job with no social security number? I mean I assume because she is dead she cant use her real info. Or she could but wouldnt that make it easy for demons who may think to infiltrate government records to find them? I mean this is a nitpick and can be explained away by Magic, but still it was on my mind.

3) the mysterious figure at the end. Okay y'all, I assume it is Dark!Harry. But the more I thought about it, the more I got angry that they didnt show his face. Basically, that is leaving room that it could be someone else like one of the other new love interests or someone we havent met yet. I dont like that. If it is Dark!Harry we've already met him and know he is after the girls so most likely would be working with the demons. So showing him wouldnt be a big deal. But keeping the figure hidden means leaving that door of possibilites open. This has me paranoid now. Again nitpick. I'll get over it. Some people might like that.

Episode Highlights:

Comic relief Harry. Getting knocked down when orbing into the club and not being able to hold a map.

"I'll put a hex on you."

"I'm formidable!" You tell him!

Harry's wonky orbing in general. so confused so turned about.

Maggie being able to tell that Dark!Harry was not Harry. "Those are Harry's charges and family you cant fool them ya creep!!!"

Invisible mel putting a shovel to the side of Dark!Harry's face. "Yess!!!!"

Harry's puppy dog eyes when Macy says all she needs is a look to know who the real Harry is

[princess--catherine]

Maybe y’all will hate me for this, I’m all for women’s rights and the Me Too movement but has it maybe taken a turn it shouldn’t have? I can already feel the hatred

Just in the past couple weeks I’ve seen at least 3 “predators/rapists exposed”, and after looking into it I saw no predatory behavior to expose that was given. And people are losing their shit over this “cancelation?” The evidence for this one? “Had a minor backstage”...you think that didn’t and doesn’t currently happen with idk, every Disney star EVER and boy band on the radio? I’m sure a portion of Billie Eilish fans who’s parents buy backstage passes are REAL young, is she cancelled too? Since when does having a minor in your presence = any type of sexual behavior? This allegation causally mentions “backstage minor” and quickly moves to “predator” with no cohesion there. Since when does an adult simply being around a minor automatically make you guilty of doing sick shit? The “evidence” shown was pretty pathetic: cropped and blocked out texts with no name as to who it’s from, no name but said star predator, no time stamp or date, no pics, no voice memos, no emails, no proof of any kind that there was any truth to the claims, no detail, no real allegation actually even made from what I saw. Unless the “so and so did this” part was in invisible ink. I could literally google the date of a ‘insert famous person here’ concert or general tour dates, and do the same with a texting app or with someone else’s phone. This is an Accusation on someone of a serious sex crime on the sole basis maybe 5 texts, some of which are hidden, and ALL of which are anonymous, detail no criminal activity, are never worth ending or attempting to make sure someone’s career over.

Another one I saw was an explanation that another social media person made a somewhat crude comment/gusture towards a woman he knew but wasn’t super familiar with. One time, no actual touching. He was later told by a friend “not cool, other lady friend did not like”, he did as he should have and apologized, and it didn’t happen again- admittedly on both sides. The two girls told him everything was cool and okay, no harm no foul, don’t worry about it. It didn’t happen again and the friendship continued. Days later, “evidence” comes out from one of them citing him as a sexual predator for this situation. This incident. Yeah, it’s not cool to get in peoples space or compliment them in certain ways if your friendship is not on that level and it hasn’t been established. That I agree with, that it simply wasn’t very polite, but a) no one was actually touched physically in anyway and b) the “crude” comment from my understanding was about an outfit fitting her well or being firm fitting. Yeah, that might make ya feel a lil icky, but there was no sexual suggestion or threat. There’s a huge difference between unwanted attention and sexual harassment. Someone else later gets involved but says she’s “not comfortable/willing to discuss” but still insists he’s a predator but doesn’t show a single shred of any involvement or information. If I was these people being falsely accused, getting death treats and doxxed, and ultimately, “cancelled”/therefore loss of income possibly long term , with basically no evidence or someone saying shit like “yes, that’s a predator. Nobody gets to know why I’m saying that though. I don’t want to relive it, my bad. You horrible people need to stop supporting this sex offender!” I’d be sueing the shit out of someone and everyone for slander. Like this is unreal to me. It really blows my mind.

Before you message me hateful shit, hear me out. I’m not saying these guys are stand up, amazing, perfectly well behaved dudes. I’m not saying they’ve never done anything predatory or wrong before in their lives or careers. Lord knows narcissistic and higher than thou types run entertainment. I’m sure they all got their attitude and behavioral problems. I’m just saying the info I just read and described is almost nothing being real generous, no rational person sees that and labels someone a sex offender. You’re accusing someone of a very serious crime, in a lot of cases a fat ole felony, being a RSO list sometimes for a lifetime. Bill Cosby? Deserve it. Weinstien? Deserve it. Epstein? Deserved to be under the jail. I understand there’s not always physical evidence, or maybe there’s not enough to build a case/a case is unwanted by victim. Some say they want people to know and be warned. If that’s what you truly want, you truly truly are trying to protect others, go in 150%. Everything you got. But when this person publicly and openly calling someone out by name for being a “rapist/sexual predator”, absolutely dragging them thru the mud, and the reasoning, the justification for this is that he was dating other women? nah sis. That’s not how this works, getting played, while scummy, is NOT RAPE/SEXUAL ASSAULT/etc. (*this is excluding things that don’t apply to this particular story like recanting consent or knowingly passing on an STI) So sure, he’s a probably a POS, clearly unloyal, he’s maybe learned the art of sweet talkin his way into this one way monogamous relationship, and I frankly wouldnt feel bad if one of those girls who got played popped 3 of his tires, bought a fuck ton of spiders and sneak them into his bedroom or something. But not jail or prison. What he did (unless other info comes out) isn’t something to be uplifted or encouraged, it’s poor, unfair behavior. But what he did is not CRIMINAL. It’s just shitty and inconsiderate. And I know y’all are reading this thinkin “fuck this bitch”, making assumptions before you read a fraction of what I’m saying.

So let me explain a situation I was accidentally involved in a few years ago with someone who was “famous” around those parts and had lots of fans and groupies. Let’s call him “Lee”. Long story short, a friend and I were with him and different other people basically from like 8-9 pm to around 4 am. He was alone (out of my sight) only 3 times: once to use the bathroom at my friends before leaving, once in the men’s bathroom at a club, and for maybe 5 minutes when I had to change at my friends place before going back over. They lived in the same complex and stuff so it was basically throwing on some sweats and taking an elevator down. We hangout, drink, smoke, talk. Lowkey, chill.

I wake up the next day, someone texted me this link about “Lee” raping a girl. I’m thinking “holy shit, that’s scary and insane, we were just with him last night drinking and shit.” Keep reading...it says it was the night before. Same date we were with him. And the time the assault supposedly took place was when we had come back to his place, where other people were already there, we were sitting there forever talking/whatever, this girl who pointed the finger was not even in the room and left before we did. She poked her head in once and asked where Lee’s roommate was. He told her cookout, it’s late so it’ll be a minute. Asked her if she wanted to hang out with us. She declined. So I figured maybe this info was wrong somehow and at the time I wasn’t making the connection between that girl and this story. I was like, no way a girl would lie about that of all things and especially knowing it’d likely get picked up by the local media, or at least local gossip. Her life here would be over. My friend and I decided to go talk to the police even though I avoid the damn police at all costs. The first thing I asked this officer was: “are you POSITIVE this is the date, place, and time, and are you POSITIVE “Lee” is who she is accusing?” And I asked that mostly because I was not about to defend or vouch for someone about a situation I wasn’t present for. Also, I wasn’t the biggest fan of “Lee”, so I sure as shit I wasn’t getting myself involved and going to bat for him without knowing it’s right. The Officer was very adamant that all that info was correct, victim was very sure. I explained to him everything I explained above, but I’m sure in better detail and included texts, pics, videos all with times, plus receipts showing how this isn’t adding up. He wasn’t alone the entire night and early morning. Officer ask me if she (the victim) was visiting a roommate of Lee’s, if they were sleeping together during her visit, I told him the truth which was that I didn’t really know for sure but it was a possibility. He told me somebody else had claimed she was no longer welcome for unknown reasons and believed this to be be related. I explain to the officer that I won’t speak on her time with the roommate because I saw her only long enough for her to ask a question and respond to another. Before she peeped out the door, I had no clue anyone was in there. I said I think she told me her name but I’m awful with names even sober so. He started getting kinda hostile and cutting me short. I repeated exactly what I told him the first time: I’m only speaking on what I witnessed and what I know to be true. So, if you and she are correctly reciting the time, place, person being accused, this accusation is untrue. He first makes a bitchy threat like “you know these girls who lie for these athlete boys can really get in trouble? They all end up broke after the NFL anyway if they even make it. Lying for a friend is illegal, that’s breaking the law and will get YOU in jail.” I lost all my fear of speaking to a police officer at this point because they KNOW this man did not just call me a liar to my face despite my 1:2 of the evidence already fucking up this accusation. I told him that I honestly wasn’t a fan either professionally or personally of “Lee” and I would lie for no one regardless of friendship or status about this, I’d turn in my own flesh and bloood brother and sing like a bird if I caught him doing any sex offender shit. So again, I told this slow man with 2 braincelle this was the reason I asked about how sure he was and he believed the victim was, on the time, place, person, etc. Officer says something along the lines of “well, something happened to this girl and this boy’s gonna be hurtin for it. Someone’s getting charged here.” Which I dunno bout y’all, maybe I’m reading it wrong. But What I gathered from that is: “I’ve decided to be judge and jury in this situation and moreorless declare this young man guilty despite evidence in front of my own eyeballs that shows that there is a good chance the accused is innocent.

I have no idea why this happened. But after we spoke to that dickhead cop it was dropped relatively quickly. I don’t remember now if she pulled the charges herself or the state denied to prosecute. And even still, this followed him. The internet is forever. When his great grandkids google his college career, that will show up. Please keep in mind this was a black athlete, playing ball for a big college in the south, with a white girl accuser, all the cops I saw at that station were white in the short time I was there and at least the one I spoke to had his mind made up. He was loud and clear about that. He said basically the same to my friend who was interviewed separately, that he was determined to convict him, he was “the one”. This city I’m speaking of has been sued for police brutality against BPOC and I’ve heard my friends/classmates getting called the N word (hard ER) in the broad, open day light. So yeah add that info in with the rest and come to your own conclusion.

Before anyone comes for my throat again: idk exactly what DID happen but I know what DID NOT. Which to be clear, is pretty specifically: this rape with this person, did not happen here and at this time. So I’m not saying something didn’t happen but under different circumstances. I know trauma can mess with memories and if something did happen under different circumstances, I am so sorry that happened to her, I wouldn’t wish sexual assault on my worst enemy. I’m also not saying she necessarily had ill intentions or knew it would proceed and go viral as it did. The point is I just don’t know, no clue. Not throwing any blame or shade her way, all blame and shade on that cop though. ACABs, no excuse for his ass.

Anyway, y’all don’t gotta believe this since it’s been a few years and I highly doubt that stuff is anywhere in my phone like 4 iPhones and two laptops later. No reason to front, I don’t gain anything by lying but a guilty conscience. But this scenario that I btw, very much did not wish to be a part of, showed me another side of things. Can we agree to yes of course, trust and support women but also trust evidence and testimony? While, yes, stats show few women lie about this, can we at the same time understand questioning and thoroughly investigating such a heinous crime? Can we also recognize the system is literally built to “serve & protect” some by severely and systematically oppressing others? There are people, too many damn people, who have lost absolutely everything, served major time in big boy maximum security 23-1s, and have been put to death, based on biases and little to no evidence.

Next time you see an accusation, regardless of what it is, please do a little research. Make your own conclusion. Put yourself in their shoes, would you want to be “convicted” (either legally or through SM bullshit) on a snip it of convo with almost no information/context? Called a rapist cause you led someone on? No. You wouldn’t. Actually for any crime for that matter. You would reasonably ask and expect for it to be fair, two sided, and with as much evidence or info as possible. So let’s treat musicians, athletes, influencers, celebs the same way. Let’s not condemn before gathering as much information as possible. If not, I am so afraid we will drive an innocent person to suicide. We would all feel so guilty if someone was driven to suicide over false or misleading statements. Let’s avoid this, please.

[lilytcyip]

December 31st, 2019

1.3 tera v w/ rjin & ggao

1.4 cactus & la foret w/ jng

1.8 talked it out with jng ; tried to understand that if i were happy, what more could you ask for

1.11 cyns bday dinner

1.11 craft beer w/ aleung & lwong

1.13 arisu & standing egg with efeng & aleung ; drove on highway for the first time

1.18 west dineout w/ annie pkp

1.19 glass w/ fifi

2.10 first snow of the year

2.3 cny lunch at home with the fam - tong yuen & poon choi

2.4 mooseknuckles - grateful

2.5 lunar new year

2.16 hangiout with mamayip & sis: beta 5, fixing the parka, meetfresh, miku sushi dindin

2.17 mom leaving for 2 months, wandering earth with the yips

2.19 happy hour cactus w/ fifi

2.20 kokoro lunch & shopping w/ rjin

2.20 so hyang w/ veda & nwu

2.21 black been noodles & tonkatsu lunch & usagi matcha sweets w/ ewong

2.22 green leaf sushi & grounds for coffee w/ vtan

2.25 sushi mura w/ acao ; larry berg planes and kisses for the first time

3.13 mental health talk w/ nwu & tchiu + jamjar

3.15 virtuous pie & nanas green tea w/ rjin

3.16 wine night w/ claw, aleung & fsyal

3.17 tabom & stanely park w/ jerpilla

3.23 pool & rc shopping with jyang

4.3 studying with jyang on campus & langara bye

4.9 studying with jyang at my house

4.18 ramen danbo & official date 

4.20 so hyang & off the grid waffles w/ ayip

4.26 sci ning off w/ aleung, claw, fsyal, lwong & mcheung

4.27 clay llama terra pot class

4.29 so hyang budae jjigae & yifang w/ ewong

4.30 rc shopping & sushi lover with the yips 

5.1 maenam, kits beach & rain or shiine ice cream w/ rjin

5.2 our first little tiff & being called chubby by mlo

5.3 shopping w/ vchan, aleung & fsyal

5.7-5.11 LA trip

5.8 LACMA & melrose & century city field

5.9 warner bros tour

5.10 malibu

5.28-6.1 hokkaido, japan

5.29 a 2-floor hotel with own onsen

5.31 otaru food adventures

6.1 doraemon painting & royce airport

6.2 macau: got scammed by taxi & lost luggage

6.7-6.15 inner mongolia & beijing

6.18 first co op offer 

6.21 fire port party at fifis house

6.29 pottery painting w lwong, aleung, vchan, fsyal

7.5 brunch w/ rjin at jethro’s fine grub, baker & table

7.6 nwu’s birthday dindin at coast, hangout with aleung & nwu at nightingale

7.14 leavenworth cherries

7.17 brunch w/ rjin at OEB

7.19 nightmarket w/ jyang, mlaw, rjin

7.21 beach day w/ aleung, fsyal & lwong; hy’s with fam

7.24 chau veggies w/ acao

7.27 shiok & icy bar w/ ewong

8.3 first day of work at doctors office

8.4 escape room w/ vchan, fsyal & jyang; bowling & anh and chi

8.17 dindin w/ fsyal, aleung & tlim; double date walks at olympic village with ancas

8.18 - 8.19 kelowna

8.18 polar grove & penticton lazy river, mission hill

8.19 kayaking, quail’s gate

8.24 lit night at fifis house with the girls and boys

8.25 aleung’s bday harrison trip

8.27 work shopping & nuba w/ fsyal

8.28 sleepover w/ rjin

8.29 brunch w/ aleung, moii cafe chill with fsyal too

9.3 first day of co op work

9.7 grave of the fireflies & wildtale cuddles

9.14 eric chou meet & greet

9.19 amandarachlee neg comment and posted my encouragement on her story

10.5 maiko parfait & shopping w/ jyang, earls with the amigos

10.18 gmen & oncecake: melody, rillakuma, card & collage

10.24 dark table w/ rjin

11.7 moii after work 

12.15 baking custard souffle pancakes w/ ewong

12.18 office christmas party & bbt w/ slim

12.19 glow

12.21 fifi’s christmas party

12.22 christmas market w/ rjin: churros & chimney cake

12.23 psyc team secret santa & mahjong

12.25 christmas dindin at market by jean-georges

12.26 birthday dindin at zeferelli

12.27 ring & birthday dinner at brix and mortar w/ jyang

12.28 skated alone, worked out, baked & dindin at botanist

looking back at it now, i definitely went out a lot more compared to previous years LOL i had some struggles in january, and at multiple points in my life i blamed myself for being ungrateful, for seeking more when i already had so much in life compared to other people. my friends were there for me and i wouldnt have been able to live through it without them. then again, during reading break in february, i got myself into the same hot mess and i was sad about it for a week and i blamed myself for getting so attached so quickly. because of these experiences, my expectations were v low and i didnt really expect anything when i talked to jyang, what they say really is true, you get it the moment you stop seeking for it. it comes and find you (: the 3 most important that happened this year is burbur, co op job & me getting more comfortable around doggs; this is a big deal !! i actually like cuddling dogs and i feel less scared of them as long as i have some time to get used to them!! im proud of myself for making progress with my phobia! after i started my co op job, bc i didnt have a lot to do, i felt like i wasnt actively contributing to my workplace and that i was very useless. i still feel the same way now, but i think i am slowly getting used to it. thankfully, my coworkers are VERY nice and i enjoy working around them. while i did not get a different position for january, im still grateful that i got an extended placement. nonetheless, meeting with the different PIs and sumeet pointed me in the right direction of looking for nserc / volunteering opportunities when i do go back to school. AND ofc burbur! im grateful that we were able to be there for each other for the past 8 months, both the ups and downs and i am so so thankful that we’re understanding and patient with each other, as we help each other learn along the way and help each other become a better version of ourselves. this companionship is better than i have asked for and i always remind myself to focus on the important things rather than the minor inconveniences. this year, in terms of fitness goals, ive been doing really well before asia. but ever since i came back, it all went downhill and i gained back all the weight that i lost this year year LOL so in 2020, one of my biggest goal is to eat healthy again, and workout more consistently. getting a job in sept kinda interfered with my progress too, bc i was so tired after work, even when i wasnt doing anything and i stressed eat bc i felt terrible. a lot of diff factors made me feel super stressed, and the fact that i wasnt eating clean / exercising reguarly made me feel worse about the whole situation ): so in 2020, maintaining a healthy lifestyle will be one of my top priorities and gifting myself a healthy body is one of greatest things i can do for myself. this also contributed to the lack of journalling near the end of the year, it felt like bc i wasnt doing the things i was “supposed to do”, i just felt so bad whenever i couldnt tick off that particular habit whenever i fill in my trackers. but tonight, i watched this video and it talked about habits should be for awareness, not for self-hate or self-loathing. this is something that i need to keep in mind. ever since april really, the issue of leaving my house and meeting up with my friends have always stressed me in fear of dealing with passive aggressiveness with my mom lool everytime i get inviited to plans, i just get anxiety about having to tell her about it LOL and even when im out, having a msg/ call for her freaks me out in fear that she will get mad at me for being home late and etc and fifi really woke me up with her words, i should just care less LOL i need to stop caring so much about what she thinks, bc at the end of the day, this IS my life and if i never make any changes, i will never be able to grow and be independent. i think this pree much sums up all my events and emotions in 2019, the last year of the 2010s. in the next decade, a lot of things will happen as i will be in my 20s - 30s, where new opportunities will arise, and graduate uni, do my masters, find a job, maybe even marry and move out LOL the 2020s will definitely be an impt decade, but just for next year i want to:

1. understand that i am old enough to make choices, and in general, care less about what she thinks

2. at the same time, i want to appreciate and be grateful for what my mom, dad and annie have done for me; a lot of the times, i feel like i take them for granted just bc i know they will always be there for me and this is not how you should treat your biggest supporters

3. trust that everything will workout in the end, while you may not be able to envision what you career / life would be like when youre 30, you can definitely take small steps and move towards your goal

4. be mindful of what i eat and exercise regularly (4x hiit & cardio a week) ; treats & sweets in moderation; use those habit trackers for awareness, not for self-loathing / self-hate

5. create art regularly, read more and at least do 5 duolingos every week! 

every year, time just seems to go by faster and faster and i feel scared at times. as i type this, theres only 8 minutes left of this decade LOL so in 2020, continue to live in the moment, be present, cherish those that are around you, and have faith that everything will come together, one piece at a time. at the same time, always rmb that you can make small changes to be a better version of yourself, whenever & however you want and this is the 1 thing that other people can’t stop you from doing! 

[hurricaneself]

Jane the Virgin Ch 85 Rant SPOILERS for S5

Okay so a lot of people are saying they are proud of Raf for "standing up to Jane" when he kicked her out of their apartment. I heavily disagree, despite the fact that I want Raf and Jane together now. I don't disagree that Raf ALWAYS needed to take more steps in the "standing up to Jane" department, merely cause he never learned how to properly express his feelings to her and reacted out of insecurity by being silent until he explodes. However, this current predicament and Raf's actions just aren't kosher for me, let me explain why though...

I feel like viewers- and Raf- aren't giving Jane enough time to process what's going on. I feel that Raf demanding Jane to make a decision within 48 hours of discovering Michael got his memories back, is 100% unfair. Further, kicking her out with a tone of finality, the night her mother is in the hospital, in front of their son... Is just a horrible route to take. I don't think the show has done a fully accurate portrayal of the type of grief and damage Jane went through in the first place this season. And since losing a husband while being a newly wed isn't something most people have experienced and thus can not fully grasp, I feel the show is setting up viewers to hate on Jane and root for Raf, due to inaccurately portraying her experience...

I, unfortunately, have experienced losing my husband in the newly wed stage. Let me tell you, it's NOT as easy as the show makes it seem. I get that it's a telenovella with comedy, and they needed Jane to move on inorder to continue the show. I was fine with it, they were portraying it pretty well, until the day of the dead flashback this season...

You see, when you're a newly wed and your partner dies. You don't just lose a piece of your heart/soul. You also lose an entire future you had planned and dreamed for yourself. Plus, you also lost your best friend, the person who you normally would turn to. THEN, when you enter the "acceptance phase" of grief- which the show has written Jane to have gone through- you experience that loss all over again but in a different way that's hard to put into words.

That's what Jane experienced and lived with for 4 years. Then all of the sudden, like the recent episodes have shown, Michael's back and those 4 years are expected to just erase. That wouldn't go over well AT ALL, which the show did do an alright job of portraying, but there's no way to fully and accurately portray that imho.

But Michael wasn't TRULY back at first, because he wasn't Michael anymore with the amnesia and had become Jason. Michael didn't fully come back from the dead to Jane, until he got his memories back. To her, Michael-Jason wasn't her husband, and that made it easier to leave him in her past and move on. So she does. But when he got his memories back, THAT is the moment Michael was back from the dead to Jane. And viewers and Raf expects Jane to make this instant decision? NO. That's not how it works. And honestly the way Raf acted when he FIRST brought back Michael-Jason, by giving Jane time and space to sort out how she felt, that is the way the situation should be treated when Michael got his memories back, cause like I said that's the moment Michael truly came back from Jane's POV.

So Raf expecting her to make that instant decision, NEVER taking the time to sit down and talk with her about all she is feeling- AND what he is feeling- then turning around and within 48 hours kicks her out of their home, forcing her away from their son, the same night her mother collapsed and was taken to the hospital, and doing that in front of their son- as if trying to make Mateo view Jane as the bad guy- was JUST PLAIN WRONG.

I mean Michael reacted to it properly imho, by telling her that he knew she needed time to process her feelings "while sitting on her porch swing with every member of her family." Michael GETS how hard it is for Jane, how Jane processes things, AND respected her by giving her the space and time she clearly needs WHILE having a REAL conversation about it with her... And Michael wasn't even there for the horrid grief train Jane rode like Raf was. So Raf looks like the one making the wrong decision here with his actions in contrast to that. I mean, Raf didn't even give her the chance to talk to him about it, he chose to walk away and be silent and he is supposed to be her best friend now... That's not how it works. ESPECIALLY since HE is the reason Jane is going through this in the first place. I mean it was HIS stepmother that kidnapped Michael, faked his death, and wiped his memories. It was Raf who brought Michael back to Jane. He had it right when he first brought Michael-Jason back, he acted just as he should, but I feel that he only acted properly then BECAUSE it wasn't REALLY Michael, so he knew deep down that Michael-Jason wasn't a threat... But the moment Michael TRULY returns -by getting his memories back- and therefore becomes an actual threat, Raf reacts irrationally.

Imho if Raf felt that he couldn't live with Jane while she makes this decision, I can respect that, but he went about it the wrong way. He should have left, not kicked her out in front of their kid as if she is the "bad guy" all because she needs time to process that her dead husband is now TRULY back from the dead to her, when he couldn't even sit down with her and have an actual conversation about it all with her, he just demanded she make the decision to choose him right there and then, while being all pissy about it. The moment he realizes that Michael is an actual threat, he acts like HE is the victim... Um no. His twisted family put Jane in this position AND caused her 4 years of intense pain AND stole an entire future from her AND put her through a grief process that forced her to change who she was to a certain degree (because that's what happens when you go through that type of grief).

Besides, anyone can see that Jane isn't the Jane who married Michael anymore, and really it is highly unlikely she would choose Michael over Raf now. I know that if my dead husband came back today, while I am living with my new fiance... I can't say I would choose my dead husband over my new fiance (and we don't even have a kid). It may sound horrible to people who don't get it, but the grief of losing him changed ME, and I am NOT the same person I was when I was happily married to him. Jane isn't either. And Michael even saw that and said himself that he understands that it's been 4 years and Michael is now Jane's past.

I feel as if Raf's actions only show his insecurity and how he never got over the fact that in the past Jane chose Michael. And it's been 4 years. And Michael "died." And Jane is in love with Raf now... But the moment Michael gets his memories back and becomes an actual threat to Raf... Raf reacts based on his fears and issues from the past all the while really not being a good friend, let alone life partner, to Jane by refusing to show even a smidge of understanding as to what she is now experiencing. Raf only thinks about HIS feelings once Michael comes back and HIS fears and doesn't even offer Jane a chance to have a real conversation with him about it... That's messed up. I honestly (for the first time ever) said aloud "you asshole" at Raf through this episode watching his reactions to the situation. He doesn't take any positive action- like sitting down and talking to Jane- but only reacts based on his unresolved issues from 4 yrs ago.

So no. I can not be happy that "Raf stood up for himself," because he didn't. He reacted to his own issues and took drastic action in the wrong way... He is acting like the Raf that belongs with the old Petra, NOT the honest Raf he has become... And I am honestly shocked that people are encouraging that behavior. It only pushes Jane away, and I know if my fiance acted that way if my dead husband returned from the grave, I wouldnt be inclined to marry him cause it tells me that he is incapable of handling the hard bumps of married life properly in the future. ESPECIALLY if my back from the dead husband was handling it properly like Michael is.

I don't want Jane to get back together with Michael. I want to see Jane enjoy her family life with Raf, while being able to have a positive friendship with Michael or at least be able to spend some time hanging out with the best friend Michael was to her in order for them both to heal the wounds from what happened. But instead they're writing Raf as immature, reacting to issues never resolved, which is a bloody shame as he and Jane had come SO far....

Okay. Rant ending. I have gone on long enough and even deleted a lot cuz I know this is looooong, oops? haha

Edit: SO I read other comments on reddit and decided to do a rewatch to check my biases and take another look at it all.... And I stand by my above statements. Yes, Raf has changed and done so much for Jane and continued to do so... But (adding to my above statement) asking a woman if she still loves her dead husband, regardless of whether he came back to life or not, and being upset that she does ISN'T OKAY. Raf expecting Jane to NOT love Michael, is way too high a bar to set. Even if she does choose Raf over Michael this time around, she still will love Michael cause he was her husband that she was robbed of, and she considered herself his widow for 4 yrs. When a woman is robbed of a husband so young, she will always love him, in fact it would be wrong if she didn't. Raf should have asked "are you still in love with him" NOT "do you still love him," because there is a HUGE difference.

Further, it's not like Raf gave Jane a chance to respond after Raf's confession of "waiting for you to choose Michael almost killed me," It's like Raf already decided that if Jane didn't automatically say "no I do not love my dead and returned from the grave husband" he was going to kick her out... And forcing her to play "bad guy" with her son, the son I can GAURUNTEE YOU was HER LIFELINE and HER REASON TO KEEP LIVING when Michael died... Is CRUEL...

Raf needs some serious therapy before he can handle marriage. Especially since he is being so beyond selfish as if we suddenly have S2 Raf on our hands and all his advancements are entirely regressed... To the point now that I want Villacordero just as bad as Jafael. Michael shows he is the better man for Jane time and time again... However, if the show ends on Villacordero, it ends up -from a literary standpoint- rendering S4 null and all that Jane and Raf went through null... Which would be kinda a crappy way to end a series. At this point, with Raf's actions post rewatch, I want Villacordero cuz Michael was SO PERFECT in all of this all the while Raf is throwing a hissy fit... But I feel like that wouldn't necessarily make for the best ending to the series... Though it would be beyond beautiful to see Villacordero reunited and proven that their love can conquer ALL...

Plus there would be a whole new level of issues for Villacordero to work through. Due to the trauma Michael received and the resulting trauma Jane received due to his trauma. Then there's the fact that Michael may never feel safe due to the fact that despite Rose being in prison, she still presents a major threat to him, Jane, and Mateo. Then there is how Mateo would react and butt heads with Jane and Michael as he wants his parents together...

Ack! Okay I admit it... Apart of me wants Raf to just pull his head out of his rear and begin groveling and coming back to his senses... Just as much as I want Villacordero... So, like Jane... My heart and loyalties are divided between the two! I admit it. I know it's technically a betrayal of both Teams on my part as I am torn between them... But, considering my history that I shared here... Can you really blame me? I more than anyone understand where Jane is coming from...

Other random things from this weeks ep that I loved:

-It took Jane 1 LOOK at Michael and she KNEW and chased him across town. Omg is that true love or what?!

-Michael telling Jane "I am so proud of you." Holy shit you have no idea how badly Jane secretly needed to hear that. I can not begin to tell you how many times I have wondered whether my dead husband would approve of the woman I have become. I would give ANYTHING to hear him tell me that... So I KNOW Jane NEEDED to hear that and am so beyond happy for her that she got that.

-Alba saying she "felt it" with Jorge anf the family automatically taking it dirty lmao 😂

-Xo's confession of her fear that she won't make it and Mateo will remember her as frail and weak. Omg the feels!

Okay. I really will stop now... Thoughts? Rebuttals? Anyone wanna tell me I am wayyy too invested in JTV? 😝