#like trying not to collapse to the floor
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seeing hozier live was a religious experience...
#i feel forever changed as a person#i felt my soul ascened!!!#it was so so good like i cant stress that enough omfg#never forgiving him for not playing like real people do or wasteland baby#like how are you not gonna play the title track#be so serious#but omg he talked to us sooo much#and it was so so special#like i was fully sobbing during his speech before someone from a warmer climate#the way he speaks is just so wow#i could listen to that man talk this mind for an unhealthy amount of time#ALSO THE CROWD WAS SO LIVE#like it all felt so safe#take me to church absolutely broke me#ripped my soul out of my body etc etc#he took me to church!#i dont even remember the break before the encore bc i was just gripping the chair in front of me#like trying not to collapse to the floor#everyone screaming amen killed me#it was just such an experience#i love him sm#that concert fixed me#i dont even wanna talk abt work song#there are videos that my friends took#and im just full on SOBBING#no exaggeration#anyways yea#it was so good#highly recommend#he also sounded sooooo good
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i love the bit from oct 17 2020 when tommy and quackity trapped wilbur in a cobblestone box to keep him from pressing the button... wilbur punching through the blocks with his bare hand to try to get to the button... tommy frantically replacing the block in front of him yelling for quackity to do something... the moment when tommy stops, blocks the exit, and tells wilbur to do it. press the button. but then theyd die with him. quackitys like "wait, wait-" but tommy holds his ground and wilbur. ohh wilbur. "why'd you have to make it so hard?"
#my post#this is just me rambling sorry i love that stream ive watched it sososossoooo many times from all 3 povs#AND AFTER TOMMY AND QUACKITY LEAVE....#wilbur replaces the button. i just need to know that its there.#and he goes on and on about how hes such a showman. how he shouldve just pressed it when he was alone.#but he just NEEDED someone to see him he needed someone to bear witness. guh#shaking. shaking. shaking. tommy put so much trust in him in that moment. he looked at him and said i know you want to hurt yourself but yo#wouldnt hurt me. and is he right to believe that? is he? maybe back in lmanberg maybe back during 'your life is worth more than the#revolution' but in pogtopia?? during 'wilbur wanted to be treated poorly so he treated others poorly'? it was a gamble for sure#and i mean as time went on tommy realized that. that as much as he cared about wilbur he couldnt trust him all the way.#but either way. in that moment i think tommy was sure that wilbur wouldnt press it if he realized that tommyd be killed as well.#that even though at this point people were saying wilbur was crazy. that hed lost it. that even if he didnt get it he knew something was#different about wilbur now. in that moment he bet everything on if there was anything of his brother left he wouldnt hurt him.#fucking. collapses onto the floor#disclaimer if anyone actually reads this far im not trying to slander pogbur in 2024 by calling him crazy thats just how like. every single#other character saw him.#anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk
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In truth hes very proud of Senjuro for always trying so hard.. eventually he'll manage to say it out loud.
#rui and senjuro are so.. ugh collapses to the floor they aren't Really children of neglect but by god .#(youre projecting) I KNOW.😭 and ill mumble more at the end tags#senjuro rengoku#rui ayaki#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#senrui#kny#my art#like ugh#most of the cast of kny is suffering neglected child syndrome . among other things but that list is too long.another day perhaps#Senjuro is a child of neglect. yes Kyojuro was there and did a wonderful job while he could but. its undeniable that Sen has been neglected#and i feel it. in every interaction senjuro has. he is so very kind and so very willing to help but has so little avenues to go through#with Rui its projection in a very personal way but also i just really feel it in my bones something was off#like his parents seem very kind but also like so many instances of his backstory felt. hand motions. why wasnt someone there.#yknow what i mean?????#anyway whats fucking point am i trying to make#rui and senjuro are both children of neglect and their veiws and mindsets are heavily affected by this and i think together#they could take care of eachother and give eachother a sort of security theyve been missing for so very long#they will be eachothers loving home.#coughs. sorry anyways#ive been keeping it to myself because .worries of no one caring you know how it is#but i have an au very dear to me where Rui assists Senjuro in becoming a kakushi and secret demon slaying and eventually Shinobu#starts helping him as well :-]#senjuro deserves to be taught how to fence if normal swordplay doesnt fucking work#also realizing very late that some reasons i adore senrui are why i adore endouma. i am one note. nobody look at me
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...
#i turn 27 tomorrow and i feel like my life is collapsing in around me#i officially made the decision to take the summer off. which i hate. which means i have to get a summer job#when ive only ever had jobs in academia so my resume looks insane if im applying to work in a bakery or whatever#im just so tired. everything makes me so tired and sad. i still dont kno what im gonna do#im glad my dad is here bc he gets it more than most ppl bc hes also dyslexic and like everyone assumes im fine bc ive got this far#but like at what cost? im doing a job where im set up to suffer. and for what? im doing something so niche and weird#all i can do is more academia. but what if i cant cut it? what if i would b better off getting a epa job or something where i can do my job#and then go home and stop thinking abt it. how do i apply the stupid bullshit i decided to study? i should have done Ecosystem restoration#or something. its just that my dream was to study weird things in weird places and now it feels like that dream is collapsing#which is devastating. im gonna try to come back in the fall and give it a go but like i dunno it feels so hopeless rn#im just so tired. i have no joy. i just want to lay on the floor#unrelated
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"Yeah, it went live on Twitch to over 80 people."
#almost done rewatching mismag#and this ling FULLY sent me while i was trying to straighten my hair#fully collapsed like a scarecrow onto my floor#brennan said this with his whole chest#i love brennan as a player
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so guess whose bed collapsed at midnight last night... with them IN IT? genuinely thought i had died
#truly not thriving right now#woke up feeling like zeus himself had struck me down#sleeping on a mattress on the floor isn't too bad#but trying to dismantle and remove a collapsed bed frame from your room when you're half asleep is#julian's journal
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i apologize to anyone who knew me during 2021
#nothing bad's happening but#anytime i remember something that was before 2022 i start to collapse onto the floor with my hands on my head screaming in agony#i was pretty cringe. maybe im still going.. its just not on the level i was back then#but then again i did help deliver some katnep crumbs for those out there to devour. but it wasnt anything good like how id think it be#i would have made this my 3 year aniversary post but i am 2 months late#so... thanks for sticking around. maybe ill try creating more stuff#just less homestuck centric things. because its not really a main interest#but it is kind of like a ghost where it will haunt you from time to time#kind of a wordful in the tags if you ask me#but periodically i should speak a word once in a while so people know im still alive
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literally drank coffee at 9pm and was like oh I can stay up and draw a bit now that im more out of the slump. and it Is 2 hours later and im sleepy
#I was like omg I could try doing some backgrounds for funsies#and now im collapsed and sleepy on the floor#banging my fist into the wallll I keep seeing people posting their work on ramshackle and its making me want to draw SO BAD#but the fucking. ennui. the dread. I can only work on things that are assigned tasks
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overwhelming urge to just grab his face between my hands to stare at him for a while and trace over his features with my thumbs and kiss him until he’s smiling and laughing and
#banging my head on the table AAAAGH#hee’s so pretty i’m never going to get over it :(#literally my first impressions on him being that one fact… rgrhrgr he makes me insane#i’m never gonna be normal over him. i can try soooo hard but i can’t and it’s painfully obvious#still thinking about my recent BC reread. deeeefinitely thinking about changing his tag to warmshipping because it’s genuinely sticking#being that light in the darkness for him or whatever… agsjfhf collapses on the floor#sometimes i drive myself insane >_>#i’ve been having like the worst time Ever falling asleep recently#cannot for the life of me settle down until after midnight on school nights (probably because i’m passing out for three hours after school)#so my daydreams and spacing out recently have just been me thinking about marik and maybe him being. fretful over me. as a treat. :3#NOT LIKE OVERLY FRETFUL but sorta the thing melv does with me where he does or makes things more often for me#except he’s like five times more obvious about it than melv is lol#was in the middle of making tea earlier and i thought about him being the one making it for me instead#i can imagine him trying to remember how i make it and being just a liiittle bit off#but of course i’d never tell him that because the gesture is sweet and the fact he even tried at all is Everything#just. silly things like that have been infesting my mind recently#him doing things he doesn’t usually do just to try and cheer me up#i like thinking of him being and doing sweet stuff like that (even if he can’t do some of the stuff perfectly)#siiighs just. i love my boyfriend <3 i think of him too much agshgghdjf#warmshipping
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All of my planning and worrying didn't matter because he went on his own last night at home and it was traumatic as fuck for me and Selene both.
#dont read the tags if you dont want any details#he didnt seem that bad yesterday#he was swollen but he was still up and moving around on his own#he even took all his meds and ate a full bowl of food without any trouble#we called the vet to ask them to call us back to discuss options yesterday around 4#vet called us back around 7 to discuss new meds to keep him comfortable while we got home euth set up for him#and we agreed ro go in today to pick them up for him and then got off the phone#and like five minutes later Banana suddenly started panting hard#so me and Selene sat on the floor with him trying to figure out what was wrong#and he started having a seizure which we're used to so we were keeping him company waiting for it to pass like normal#only it didnt#he suddenly died in my arms instead while I cried and screamed and tried to get him to start breathing again#selene call d the vet and told them we were bringing him in for an emergency visit and i was just sitting on the floor numb#cuz i knew the vet was too far away to be any help and even if they werent it wouldn't matter#he was already gone#he was gone so fast and I wasnt ready#it was so fucking horrible#im never going to be able to get the way he looked before he collapsed out of my head#my poor old man#that was not how it was supposed to go im so sorry
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shitty triggering food/body/ed talk
#i'm trying to eat more#because let me tell you a calorie deficit might make you lose weight#(i'll believe it when I see it)#but it mostly just makes you feel like you have the flu#minus the sinuses and fevers and such#so i've been living on the couch lately#i am trying to get in shape but i collapse to the floor trying to do a set of push ups and just kind of stay there for a while#look I am not 14 anymore I do not want to just hand in my BED for another ED#I only want the extra chest meat and hip meat that makes me look like a girl OFF#QUICKLY#but not in a way that causes physical or mental harm#and yet#I gave myself a goal today to eat at least this much#and I don't know if it's going to work out#I do not want a medical illness!
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morning yall 😎
#not spiderstuff#i had a dream but like. it’s weird#it’s where you have a memory of something but it made you so angry and/or scared that you can’t remember if it was real or not#because you were so focused on getting out of the situation#so i guess it was a nightmare?#but the only thing my brain is allowing me to remember before just shutting me out and getting mad is:#i’m in a hallway with red lights and miles is staring at me and then pointing at the floor#and then he collapses and is like all bloody all of a sudden? and i see a very big figure down the hall in all black#and miles grabbed my ankle (which was super weird feeling) and then i woke up#and the area he grabbed me hurts really badly rn#if i try to remmeber more it’s like there’s a physical barrier and someone telling me to stop it
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The crazy thing is I can't even think of a job that isn't physical labor that is in demand and that you can't just get a machine to do for free. If anyone here doesn't know by now, I'm not avoiding physical labor for no reason, I am disabled lol
#I could learn graphic design which I fucking hate#but companies can use Canva for free!#I can try to edit which I like#but ppl can use cheap editing software and learn it themselves!#I could get into sound/music production like I want to#but people can use presets and it'll sound mostly okay!#I could try to work writing jobs#but the market is saturated! also AI is learning to do that!#I can't do tech jobs because I literally just can't get better at math. I put in maximum effort and still had to cheat to pass so#literally not an option it's just not a thing my brain is wired for no matter how hard I try or want to learn#let's not even talk about how no one wants to pay for art#I'm beginning to think the library job I want is going to be fucking obsolete by the time I get even halfway through a degree#customer service is being replaced with chatbots and automated systems so I can't even try that job I hate out of necessity#there's nothing#my only choice is to start working a physical job where they won't even let me sit down in a fucking chair#and keep working until I literally collapse onto the floor and then probably get fired for having the audacity to collapse
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Me, explaining things in a way that's completely incoherent: I don't understand what you find so difficult to comprehend???
#i think the problem is that something in my brain structures information in a way thats hard for other people to understand#it may be a dyslexia thing. but it is the most frustrating thing to be misunderstood without any#idea of howbwhat ur saying doesnt make sense. like. look. fucking. its right there. laid out in a way that looks like an absolute disaster#bc u would think with as many control issues id b extremely organized but no. i kno where everything is#but its in a pile. aye. this project is such a clusterfuck#this is how my brain collapses. what sort of shape will i b in by the time we finish? (ie my birthday lol)#let's not think abt it. it wont b good.#everyday i get texts and emails and i have to put my head down and take a deep breath so by brain doesnt explode. the amount of psychic#pain i am burdened with when i open my manuscript doc is shocking.#is this my villian origin story? ive lost the ability to not look like im in pain while im in meetings. if u pay close attention u can see#the misery behind my eyes. my boss is gonna turn up the 23rd and b like: ready to go get icecream to celebrate#ur paper and phd accptance? and im gonna b like: i would rather eat glass#if u try to rope me into a surprise party i might walk out. excpet i wont bc im not that much of a brat#theres nothing to celebrate. just let me lay down on the floor for a while#unrelated
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I don't know what happened to me while I was asleep last night but I woke up feeling completely horrible about myself and my life and it hasn't worn off
#I remember I dreamed I was renting an apartment (not my actual one) and it kept literally falling apart like walls and parts of the floor#were collapsing and there were whole parts of it I couldn't risk being in and then people kept trying to squat in them#and my landlord wouldn't do anything#which like no idea what that was representative of lol#but then my like first conscious thought on waking was something like 'you don't have a personality bc everything in your life is a respons#to decisions and situations placed on you by others'#and like where does one even go from there?#noctibabble
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𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐄𝐗𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄
- sylus x reader
you and your lover are hailed and feared, but who would have guessed that behind closed doors, both of you are just that — lovers?
genre/warnings: very suggestive, making out, fluff, comfort, period cramps, assassin!reader (not l&ds mc), loosely based on sylus' secret times: midnight warmth & exclusive care!
note: very self-indulgent bye pls don't look at me :') this fic is a companion to assassin!reader series (strictly (un)professional and jealousy incarnate)
“Who’s ther— lord! Missus! What happened to you!?”
On a rainy night, you staggered into the base, drenched and covered with dirt. Your steps were unsteady as you made your way through the front door, and the first person to see you, Luke, was so shocked by the sight that he rushed to your side.
“Kieran! Call Boss!” he shouted to his twin, who immediately sprinted off to find him, steadying you. “Are you injured?”
“No,” you hissed, wincing as you clutched your abdomen. “Let go, I’m fine—” But before you could finish, you missed a step and—
—fell into Luke's arms.
In that very instant, Luke genuinely feared for his life. He squeaked and stammered, incoherent sounds escaping him, because oh lord— if Boss sees me ever touching his woman—
“What are you doing?”
And there came his nightmare. Sylus’ deep voice cut through like a blade, marking the arrival of doomsday itself.
“B-Boss! It isn’t what it looks like!” Luke quivered, desperately trying to explain himself.
However, Sylus paid him no mind and exhaled sharply, immediately moving over to pull you out of Luke’s grasp. “Are you hurt?”
“I’m fine!” you insisted, pulling away from him while staggering. “I’m not wounded or anything. Just... I just need a bath, please.”
Sylus eyed you from top to bottom. You had just been out for a reconnaissance, and yet you looked as though you had been through a tornado and back. Disheveled, your dress was smeared with mud and dirt, and even grime clung to your hair.
“Did you fall into a sewer or something?” he questioned, and he knew he had hit a nerve when you shot him a glare.
But you spared him no answer, walking away with labored breaths and a hand pressed against your lower belly. It was clear you were in pain, and the sight tugged at him as he followed you.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, his concern growing. “What hurts?”
“You don’t have to fuss over me—” your breath hitched, feeling exhausted, and ashamed all at once. “Just my period, nothing much,” you murmured in a quieter voice so the twins wouldn’t hear.
As you reached the stairs to the second floor, you felt like collapsing. Did you really have to climb these stairs, too?
As if reading your mind, Sylus let out a sigh, but you nearly squealed when he lifted you into his arms.
“You’ll get dirty!” you rebuked, even as he took large strides up the stairs. “Sylus!”
“Just hold onto me.” He shot you a pointed look. “You can’t even walk without gasping for air, and you still want to climb the stairs? You’ll end up rolling and breaking your back.”
Despite your protests, your lover immediately brought you to his bathroom and sat you down on the sink. He turned the hot water on and then faced you.
“So? What did you get yourself into?” he asked, his red eyes narrowing in dissatisfaction. “You were fine, and you didn’t face anyone.”
You pressed your eyes shut, leaning against the wall, resigned to explain. “Fell into mud. Totally idiotic, I know, but my cramps started right before, so…”
“I don’t recall you experiencing this before. What brought this on?”
You met his gaze indignantly, retorting, “Well, a certain someone banged me so hard last night, and I got my period right after.”
It was quite unexpected, but still answered his concern. So, to that, Sylus snorted and tousled your hair, a playful twinkle in his eyes. “Ah, sorry, I guess?”
You pursed your lips, aware of how unapologetic he was. He smirked and added, “Now that I’m dirty too... I suppose we’ll have to take a bath together.”
“Are you mad? Do you want to get covered in my blood?”
He shrugged nonchalantly. “Why not—”
“No,” you retorted firmly, clearly irked. “You take the bath after me, and that’s final.”
. . .
“Put your arm around my neck,” Sylus commanded when you both emerged from the bath and already dressed in silk bathrobes. You complied, and he swiftly lifted you into a princess carry, bringing you to the bed.
Despite yourself, your heart fluttered at his action. He set you down gently, and the moment your back met the soft surface, you relished it and let out an involuntary moan. “Ahh...”
Your voice was soft and sultry, though tinged with a hint of pain. Sylus placed his hand gently on your face. “Your cheeks are warm,” he noted. “And you still look pale.”
"Mmm," you mumbled, suddenly the total fatigue catching up to you as you leaned into his touch. Seeing you so pliant like this seemed to flip a switch inside him, and he immediately settled next to you and placed his huge hand on your lower belly, pressing down on it.
“What are you doing?” you frowned.
“I’m giving you a massage,” he replied. “Stop squirming. I’m trying to pamper you here.”
“You don’t have to…”
“My woman is in enough pain that she doesn’t talk back to me. It’s feels off.”
“...actually, you suck. You’re too rough.”
Taking your whine into account, he adjusted his touch, softening his pressure. "How is it? Better?"
You didn’t immediately reply, indulging in the warm sensation, letting out a sigh as you squeezed your eyes shut. “Mm... Yeah, it feels good now. Don’t stop…”
There was something quietly erotic about watching you, usually so defiant, surrender to his touch like this. Sylus felt a deep, protective satisfaction as he continued his gentle ministrations—
But after a while...
Before he could stop himself, he leaned in, pulling you closer as he buried his face in your shoulder, inhaling deeply, savoring the scent of the bath foam you had just shared. “Mmm…”
You were caught off-guard and shivered at his breath tickling your skin, eyes fluttering open. “Sylus…” you murmured, a mix of protest and surprise in your voice.
But he didn’t pull away, his lips lingering against your skin, his gaze fixed on your bare neck, whispering, “Just relax. I’ve got you.”
Then, when he suddenly nibbled on your neck, you jolted awake. The gentle bite on your sensitive skin sent another shiver down your spine, stirring a mix of warmth that made your pulse race.
But he didn't stop there, as Sylus trailed your neck with a series of kisses and wet sucks, his breath hot against your skin. Soon, the only sounds filling the room were his quiet sighs and the soft noises of his lips as he continued to bite and pepper kisses on your skin, over and over.
“Ngh…” Each touch left you almost breathless, and the heat between you growing with every passing moment, making your toes curl and you moan softly by his ear.
“Hold me,” he gruffly whispered, and as if bewitched, you clung to his shoulders. He let out a husky chuckle. “Not too hard, or you won't be able to sleep later.”
“And whose fault would that be?” you quipped, entangling your legs with his, savoring the warmth of his body against yours.
“I’ve spoiled you rotten, haven’t I... sweetie?” he murmured amidst kisses, his tone laced with intrigue and his burgundy eyes flashing with a glint. “Just let me have my fill for a while.”
If you had a mirror, you’d see the hickeys forming on your neck, but instead of fighting him, you pulled him closer, letting out breathy moans freely and massaging his scalp as if urging him to go further.
“Naughty vixen—you are,” Sylus rasped deliciously in your ear, thick with desire and restraint as his grip on you tightened. “Tempting me, knowing full well I can’t do anything to you…”
A low giggle slipped from your lips. “Unfortunately… I learn from the best.”
Hard to get, snarky, taunting... You were the bane of his existence, and yet Sylus wouldn't have it another way. Your defiance and teasing only deepened his affection, making every challenge you presented feel like an irresistible part of what drew him to you.
He knew when his patience was on the verge of snapping, so to end it, he sucked hard on your shoulder one last time, making sure to leave another mark there. The squelching sound reverberated through both of you, before he pulled away and planted a firm kiss on your forehead, a gesture of both dominance and fondness for you.
“Now sleep,” he grounded out. “Your body has been through enough.”
“Mngh...” you whined, curling into him in contentment, your head nestled against his toned chest where you could feel his strong, steady heartbeat. “Really unfair...”
“You're going to feel better soon...” he sighed, one hand soothing your back and the other resting on your waist. “And as soon as you do...”
A wicked grin curved his lips.
“I'll pick up where I left off.”
#sylus x reader#lads sylus x reader#love and deepspace x reader#l&ds x reader#lads x reader#love and deepspace x you#lads x you#l&ds x you#sylus x you#sylus smut#sylus fic#lads smut#l&ds fic#lads sylus#sylus l&ds#sylus love and deepspace#love and deepspace smut#love and deepspace#l&ds smut#love and deepspace sylus#l&ds sylus#l&ds scenarios#lads scenarios#love and deepspace scenarios#lads fic#love and deepspace fic#lnds
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